Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #321 with Iain Stirling - Have A Word w/Adam, Dan & Carl

Episode Date: March 24, 2025

Murderers Row tickets, merch and loads more available on our website! haveawordpod.comTickets for Have A Word Live shows as well as Adam and Dan's tours and previews:Adam's Tour: https://www.adamrowe.comDan's Tour: https://dannightingale.comDan's Anthems: https://www.skiddle.com/whats-on/Liverpool/Content/DANS-ANTHEMS---HAW-Dance-All-Dayer-4pm---10pm/40595747/Comedian's Club Chester: https://www.comediansclubchester.comDan & Finn's Karaoke Party: https://skiddle.com/e/40472096Listen to Finn's new single 'Cherry': https://FinnlayK.lnk.to/CherryAs Adam and Dan said, don't miss out on all of our extra content, we've got one of the best value Patreons in the game. An extra 90+ minute episode every week plus loads of bonus content such as the now infamous Lockdown Lock-ins, the Nashville & Amsterdam specials and our Ghost Hunts! What are you waiting for? Sign up now at https://patreon.com/haveawordpod​Get subscribed to Have A Word Highlights: https://youtube.com/haveawordhighlightsCheck out Finn's single 'Outskirts': https://FinnlayK.lnk.to/OutskirtsThanks to this week's sponsors:Lovehoney | https://lovehoney.co/word_podcastLove how you love and take 20% off site wide to unlock sexual happiness and discover a happier you with promo code: AFF-WORD20Manscaped | https://manscaped.com20% off with promo code: WORD20Sneak Energy | https://www.inflcr.co/SHHVlFuel different, drink Sneak.Manual | https://manual.coGet 45% discount on the initial at-home testosterone blood test kit with code: WORD45Merch:https://haveawordpod.comADAM ROWE and DAN NIGHTINGALE are two award winning comedians from Liverpool & Preston, respectively. They are two of the UK's most highly regarded stand-ups and have both performed all over the world. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What's happening lids, before we start this week's episode of the podcast, I've got to tell you my brand new stand up special What's Wrong With Me is out right now on the Have A Word YouTube channel. That's youtube.com slash have a word pod if you're listening on audio and if you watch it on YouTube, you're already there. It's the best thing I've ever done. The production value is insane. The reaction has already been insane.

And I only released it like an hour ago. So I'm very grateful to everyone who's going to watch it, but do us a favor. If you enjoy it, like it, leave a comment, and especially share it, put it in your WhatsApp groups, put it in your Instagram stories, spread the word for us. Let's blitz the views we did on my last special. I'm really proud of this one.

Not just the stand up, like obviously I'm proud of the hour of stand up that I wrote and it went well all over the country, but the amount of work and effort and attention to detail that will be and the rest of the team have put in to creating this product is just levels above, above anything we've ever done before. And I can't wait to see what everyone thinks of it. So what's wrong with me? Full standup special out now on the podcast YouTube channel. That's youtube.com slash have a word pod. Watch it, like it, share it.

Appreciate it. And I'll see you soon. Enjoy the episode. It's class. You know what that bell means, don't you Dan? Start of another brilliant have a word episode. Whoa, yes. And ring a bell if you've got the best Patreon in the UK. Patreon.com slash Have A Word pod.

If you're going to enjoy this episode, you are going to love being a patron. 30,000 lids, can't be wrong. For as little as three pounds a month, you get an exclusive episode every Wednesday. You also get early release of the video on a Saturday morning and then the specials call. So many specials. We've been around the world baby. I'm back. We've got drunken here and then we've been around the world. India, America, Amsterdam, Spain, we're going to Turkey. We're going to see the whole of the world and you can come along with us for just £3.

That is cheaper than a layer pack. Sign up and join the LID Army. Also, we're on a stand up tour, the Murderers Row stand up tour. There are a few tickets available in the remaining venues. So have a look at have a word pod dot com where you can buy tour merch. Also, if you like extra content on top of your extra content, we give you that. We've got film club Q&A's, all kinds. And me and Harry Robinson, I've got the sickest new podcast on the block, which is you that. We've got film club, Q&A's, all kinds. And me and Harry Robinson have got the sickest new podcast on the block, which is Mad That.

I've got a dance event in April, April the 20th for Dan's Anthems. DanNightingale.com for that. Adam's got some live shows coming up. There's loads of chances to see us, but it all funnels through the Patreon. Patreon.com slash Have A Word Pod. This episode, as well as many others like it, is an absolute belter. Three quid. You look good today. Thank you. I love you.

A lot of people say we don't get on an episode, but as soon as we're doing adverts, we're best friends again. Come here, you. Come here. Wag wag lids, you're listening to the funniest podcast in the game from the heart of Liverpool with Adam, Dan, Sensei Carl and Finn. This is the one and only Have Our Word. Brought to you by Manscape, the very best product on the market for below the waist grooming. Go Ed, get on me. Hello fellas, feel like I haven't seen you for ages.

Oh no, we were here last night till late. And we're in tomorrow, we're about 19 days after that. Pod, pod, pod, pod, pod. Our schedule's a bit crazy at the moment because some cunts getting married in Italy. Oh, is that the reason this is the KG schedule? Is it? What are the reasons? It's the main reason.

It's the biggest reason, but there's other, you know. Yeah, the tours are the reasons. It's the main reason. It's the biggest reason, but there's other, you know. Yeah, the tours are the reason. Yeah. So we did the lock-in last night. What are we calling that lock-in? Like the Italian wedding lock-in? The Mr. and Mrs. Lock-in. The Mr. and Mrs. Lock-in.

I think that's the one. So we did that last night, got this wonderful episode today with our friend and long overdue guest, Ian Stirling. Tomorrow, we've got a guest in that is going to go out in a few weeks time. Yes. And then after that tomorrow, we've got to get the train down to London for the first night of Murderers Row in London.

Second night of Murderers Row in London on Saturday. Sunday, we're doing a staff night out to go and see Shane Gillis at the 02 in London. And then next week, we've got, is it another three, Patreon special record day, another one for next month. Then public. Then a public. And then Manchester. Manchester with a pre-record before.

With a pre-record before it. We're gonna see a lot of each other and we're gonna have to find things to say. I'm throwing it out here. I think we should end season one and have a little break. Like he's send us. Is that it? Harry and I were talking about this morning. We'll just go. That was season one. It was five years and two months. And then we have a couple of months off and we'll

still see each other three times a week. I mean, that's the four hours in the break. We did a four hours. You go for it. Go for it. Use them chairs. Go for it. I will be in a Buddhist fucking retreat. Not doing a history part. I don't want to talk into microphones for a bit.

I mean- Daniel, so I feel like this is going to happen. It's not happening. Yeah, no. I was really leading into that season one finale, then break, that's fine. I feel mental by the way. Last night as we left, I was like, you know what?

It's fine doing a lock-in before a record, fine. But I've got new bits tonight at Teddy's show, my show. You know, it's fine as long as I get some sleep. Got in, felt a bit wired. And then went to sleep about half one and woke up at half past five. You know when you do the wake up where you're like, oh, I'm awake, but then you can wake up at half five

and go fucking hell and just close your eyes and go back to sleep. I never got back to sleep. I've had four hours and I was like, it's now half 11, so you've been up for six hours pre-pod. Ja ja ja ja ja ja! I'm just gonna have to double down and go caffeine crazy. Some coffee?

Yeah. Actually really nice that coffee. Why did you wake up? No chocolate and raspberry. Getting that? Oh yeah! It tastes like someone's dropped a Quality Street into a coffee. Yeah, well that's what filter coffee is.

You can really control the flavours properly with a batch brew. I just twat an espresso and don't enjoy it. Just a real like, like when we used to take pills, you just bang it in, you're going to get the benefit. I let it go cold in Cozy Club when we had breakfast together. Harry, got a fucking curry for breakfast. I think it was curry for breakfast. Random move.

What, chicken? I Thought it was paprika on eggs And it was chickpea curry with us. Where did you go? Cozy Club, okay. It's a great spot for breakfast. Also, I get the pancakes with the bacon Yeah, use cold pancakes and then you you get the bacon and ask for the syrup separately. And then you take the bacon and ask for extra toast and you make a bacon boy, smash that and then you've got pancakes for pudding. That is a fat cunt breakfast. Oh, that is some taste.

I've had three poached eggs on toast with a little splash of bacon on it. Cause I'm healthy again. New woman. Taking NMN and working out. I know we spoke about it on the locking, but I don't think we got into the teeth of it really. Well, I'm trying to, I'm in me shred weight phase for your wedding because I want to be the fucking bell of the ball, you know? So trying to cut down and I'm just trying to be healthy. I'm taking me vitamin D again. You know, take that every morning skincare back on every morning like drowning myself with water

Don't do that No waterboard yourself as much water as possible. Keep yourself full. Keep self hydrated. Your skin looks better I'm just going all in see where I can get myself in a month See how much better I feel and then I can really put it in the fucking wall for the summer again. Yeah, you've done it before. Yeah, you're a bit of a... It's the annual tradition. Bit of a yo-yoer.

Yeah, and I'm just at the point where I'm just going to have to accept that, I think. I'm going to be fat for the winter and skinny, a skinny little beautiful man for the summers, like a sexy little man bear. That's who I am. That's who I'm always going to be. I did the carnival for like five days last week and dropped four and a half kilograms, which is 10 pounds in

a week. That's ridiculous. Is that just you? No, that's a lot of water weight. If you hold weight, you often hold a lot of water, but you still do feel and look when the water comes out here that's what you do look and you lose water weight by drinking more water yeah it's like flushing a toilet it's counterintuitive in it you know what I mean beautiful what we didn't really speak about on the put the lock in was I've had a fucking weekend down in London, like fucking class.

Except for the results. Do you know, genuinely, the weekend was so good. Liverpool losing that cup final. Didn't, I text you, didn't I? Before. Before kickoff and said, Newcastle have won this game, before it kicked off. Cause that's what it felt like.

Certain games of football, you arrive at it and you go, Oh, it's their day. And I felt like that from the second I got off the tube at Wembley Park and walked up to Wembley. What's going on there? What's your your mystic football? Just a sense. When we played Chelsea there in recent years, it's like we're going to win this. It's like the energy they brought up.

It also felt like there was about three or the bookies, you know something's about to happen. It also felt like there was about three or four times as many Newcastle fans as Liverpool fans. Yeah, because it's the first cup since- That was a big day for them. I know, they've been to cup finals, haven't they? It was the first goal that Newcastle scored in a cup final since the 70s.

It's the first trophy in 55 years. Yeah, you were there two years ago, weren't you? Yeah. They won the Intertoto, Carabao International Cup, UEFA Cup. Yeah. But yeah, like the Newcastle fans genuinely, their whole end just looked fucking incredible.

Ours was a bit, Liverpool, both the players and the fans sort of turned up being like, well, we kind of hope we win this. That's what it felt like from everyone, from us to the players. Whereas Newcastle were like, we'll die to win this game. Also, you've just had a bit of a war with PSG back to back, haven't you? Totally. But also, like, that's not an excuse because Newcastle were missing so many players. Isak, he scored but he's not fully fit. Gordon was out, Lewis Hall's massive miss for Newcastle at left back. Fucking unbelievable player and their left back still managed to keep Mo Salah quiet. Newcastle were better than us in every inch of the game from 11 o'clock in the morning.

Cool story about Dan Burn, the big lad, who's got his first England call up at 32 and then scored for Newcastle in a cup final on the weekend. I don't begrudge them. That's nice. And Newcastle, the fans where, maybe this is me being a bit romantic because I used to live there. If you're going to lose a cup final as Liverpool, do you reckon Newcastle is probably close, if not top of the list of clubs you want to lose that to? Oh, I'm at... Is that just... I understand what you're saying. It's hard for me to say as a proper football fan that there's anyone I want to lose to. I know what you're saying. But for me, the way I'm looking at it is, I love Newcastle as a city. I love the Geordies. Other than Liverpool, the city that I feel most closely associated with with my career,

I sell more tickets in that area of the country. People up there have supported me for years. I think they're proper fans, they're a proper club. You know, they've been down to the championship. And you know, there's obviously some moral issues with their ownership and stuff, but we're at a point in football where you can say that about almost every team that's competing for any trophy. And they're just a good city full of good people and they fucking deserved it. Like they were just better. The cap is Dan Ben the captain.

Okay. But like Dan bit localized from Blythe again. And that's in a specific area of the Northeast that I have more connection with. Because of Kai and the boxing and all stuff like that. Like I just don't begrudge them it. Now having said that, if Liverpool don't come back after the international break and properly wrap the league up, then I'll hate Newcastle forever. It's going to take some monument. It would.

And I do think this international break has come as a perfect time for Liverpool to just go away, you know, do some international games, come back a bit more refreshed. Like if we lose to Everton at Anfield, I will shit my pants. It's such a big game and Everton will be fucking relishing that now. Cause if they manage to be our third loss in a row and put a rock onto our. Cause 15 points becomes 12 becomes nine. Well, it's already 12. Yeah, no, that's what I'm saying. Like it would become. I know this is football chatting, people probably hate it.

Arsenal are going to win every game. No, they're not, but they don't have to if we really fuck it up. It's not going to happen, but like, because when you lose two games like that in a week, and especially like that game against Newcastle is the worst performance I've ever seen from a Liverpool team in person. And I'm including when Roy Hodgson was our manager, it was abject, horrific football, like we couldn't get anything going. Apart from when Frederico Chiesa, come on.

And it was like he was going, hey, you want to just maybe play me a bit? I'd love to see him. I'd love to see him. I'd love to see him start against you actually and just see what he can do. Anyway, is that the next game? The Derby? Yeah. I'll get a ticket. Don't worry.

Downfield? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's always gone well before. I'll get you a ticket. No matter what the price is. I'd lose about 70% of my Liverpool tour sales.

I'll just turn up. I'll turn up every late March, April. Yeah, really fuck up a title run. But football chat aside, so here's what my weekend was like. Friday I went up to Newcastle, not Newcastle, Stockton to host the Gong Show at the Stockton Arch. Really enjoyed seeing new comics.

And I just felt like I was having a good time, really comfortable chatting to the crowd, really good crowding and really good comics like coming through on the Gong. Really enjoyed doing that. Bit of a ball, like, cause I was going to London, literally the next morning, so I had to drive to Stockton, which is basically Middlesbrough,

and all the way back in one day. Just, I don't love doing that, I hate driving that long, but it is what it is. Saturday, got down to London, went and did a little bit of shopping, and then went to the hotel. Me missus was coming down to meet me, but not until late in the evening.

So I went to the O2, for Country to Country Music Festival on me own, because I was invited by Universal Music Group to be in their suite. Because one of their, what the, the agent or the label of one of the, of the headline act, Dx Bentley was like, I'd give Universal some tickets. So they invited me down. So I got to know you're a comedian and podcaster and not like a country music. Right. They know all of that. So there's people who work at university are big fans of Have A Wears.

He is a country influencer now. He's an ambassador. Oh, you are kidding. Are you classed as a country influencer? Shut the fuck up. He's an ambassador. Oh my God. And he was early on it.

He is getting big now. I was early on this. Every fucker's doing country music. Calvin Harris is doing country music now. What's happened? Is he a? He's an influencer What's happened? Is he a? Is he an influencer? I'm like, is this a country podcast?

Yes. Oh God. Country adjacent. But genuinely, like as I walked in, I was like, oh, my missus couldn't get down in time. So she's not going to come tonight, but whatever. Cause I had two tickets in the suite. And Warren, who's the guy who's sorted from universal

was like, should have brought Finn. There's so many people he could have met here. And I did try to take Finn, but he went for a meal with his brother because he prioritizes his family over Korea and you will learn the hard way that you cannot do that. Even though, good lad. You could have been then,

you could have been the next country bumpkin fucking award man. No, but they're not just country people, are they? This is one of the biggest labels in the world. And it was fucking- You could have been signed. Class. UMG, bro. It is what it the biggest labels in the world. And it was for you could have been signed class UMG. So it is the after party where there was more live music on like after the headliner sick and then Sunday.

Right. So my, uh, my mate Josh is my oldest mate. I've known Josh since day one of reception. We go to most of the games together. Uh, Liverpool games the day before the final, he'd text most of the games together, Liverpool games. The day before the final, he'd text me and gone, because earlier in the week he was like, I'm not sure whether I'm going to be able to get down to London. I was like, well, I can try and move your ticket on. And then he got back to me on Thursday or Friday and was like, no, I want me to come, I'm coming. The day before the final, he text me and was like, lad, the baby. So he's got a six month old baby. He was like, not well.

And I just can't leave him with me missus like on her own. Like he's really not well. And she was struggling enough with both of us to be honest with you. So I need to stay up here. Do you reckon you can move me ticket on? So I took me missus to the game. So she got to be at Wembley and see a cup final and stuff.

Cause the ticket I had was in club Wembley, which is not a face value ticket. It's quite expensive. And you know, I couldn't move it onto the lads who regularly influence us. So you've got connections. Totally. Well, it was actually a patron who sorted the tickets for me. He's a, he's a club Wembley season ticket holder. So I gave him one. He would pay for it back. And anyway, season ticket to Wembley. Yeah. Well, does that include gigs? I think so. Wow. It's gotta be expensive though. Yeah. Um, well it's a few hundred quid. I had to pay a few hundred quid just for that game. And that was at the equivalent of face value for him. So I took her to the game and you know, she loved it as a day out. She's in the pub before

and watching like, cause the pubs were classed. There was a lot of energy and like loads of singing and people drinking and stuff. Bumped into James Stone. Remember J Mo? Oh my God. Yeah. J Mo's a lad I started stand up with just a proper good scouse lad. Well, I know James Stone. He might have done like one or two beat the frogs, but I don't know whether you'd reckon that because he wasn't around for long. He just dipped in and then stuck around as like everyone's mate.

He's one of them lads who everybody likes. He's just so silent. We were together for about half an hour. Like he was just walking past me in the pub and I went James Stone and he just left his mates to go and do the thing and stood with me and me and Mrs. for like half an hour. I love it when you do that. When you see someone and you do the full name. Yeah.

He's so cool. He's fucking class. And we had such a good like time and then literally walking into, because I had accepted before the game kicked off that we'd lost it, like genuinely, I text him and I text Alfie, I text Alfie and said,

I've got some really bad news by the way, Newcastle have already won this. And he was like, what you mean? I was like, it feels like we're at St. James Park. Like it just feels like there's so many more of them and they just, they won it. I'm telling you right now, like, so I watched the game and I was like,

like it is what it is. Like I'll console myself with a league title. And I think that's how a lot of Liv Bill fans felt about it. Just like Liv, we're all singing, we're gonna win the league and a live bit upon my chest on the way out the ground. It was a bit of a defiant, ah, fuck it, let them have it attitude.

But then, so on the, so this is Sunday, but on the Saturday night, I hope this is all right for me to say, at the O2, watching the country show, it's a three day country festival. And they do it like Redmond Leeds where the lineup moves around cause they do it in London, Belfast and Glasgow.

So the Friday lineup in Belfast is the Saturday lineup in Glasgow and the Sunday lineup in London and vice versa. Yeah. So I'd said to me, Mrs. Like, sorry, you couldn't be issues. Like to be honest with you, the only artist I'm really gutted we're missing is Cody Johnson. It was the headliner for the Sunday night. Right. But when she texts me that I was pissed talking to like the people like I was with and one of the people, I won't say it was

like I was with and one of the people, I won't say it was, one of the people who was in the sort of suite that I was in, I was like, he went, you should be at this every year. You should be here all three nights because you'll meet people and like it's good for you to be. And I was like, not to fucking sell me on this. Absolutely. And he went, just let me know. Cause I can always sort it out somewhere. And I went, Hey, I suppose you could sort me for tomorrow night. Could you? And he went, Oh, all my seats are gone. And he went, but I tell, Hey, I suppose you could sort me for tomorrow night. And he was all me seats are gone. And he went, but I tell you what, and he went and got to access all areas passes and he went, take them, just turn up at the door, flash them tomorrow, walk straight in. You won't have any seats, but just find somewhere to hover and stand. You can even just be backstage

or side of the stage. Just get you in anywhere. Go home, do a few songs. Headline. You're an influencer. You can pick it up. So I'm not naming them because I don't want them to get in trouble. Right. But it was Lee Colmes. So on the, I thought I'd edit that out now. On the Sunday we leave Wembley and get on the train, the tube at Wembley Park and unbelievably the Jubilee line goes from Wembley Park to the O2. So North Greenwich Station is the O2 station. You don't even have to change tubes. So we left the Liverpool game, went and got on the tube and got all the way to the O2. Walked right up to the front door and they were like, because

we're obviously quite late because it starts at like four o'clock and they were like, you got tickets? And we were like, huh? And they went, oh, I'm so sorry. So we walked backstage and we just stood at the side of backstage watching a guy called Nate Smith. And do you know who Shaboosie is? Love Shaboosie. He had probably the biggest song of last year. Someone bought me a double shot of whiskey. Oh shit I do know Shaboosie! I was being a dick. He was just stood right in front of us just dancing and vibing and singing everywhere to his

mates. He's got some mad hair that cunt. Oh yeah, Clasto. He does the Chesney Hawke thing of playing that song three times. There's a drum and bass thing of playing that song three times. There's a drum and bass version of it that I like. We just missed his set, but this is the thing. So Nate Smith wears leather jackets and has got relatively long hair and a dark beard. Anyway, we walk around onto the concourse just to go and get like a drink and stuff. And it's like, comes to me and goes,

like, can I get a picture? I'm a fucking lit, big fan of the pod. Really big fan of the pod. Sorry to bother you, I know you ain't. Just got a picture. I was like, yeah, no worries. Took a picture. Got four more yards later.

There's a girl and she goes, oh my God! No! No! She just goes. She dropped her drink. I went over to her and she was like, oh my God, I've got to get a picture. You're Nate Smith.

And I went, he's on stage right now. And she looked at me and went, I'm so sorry. Yeah. So we, I reckon you should have just taken it. I reckon maybe Mrs. Might be the reckon me and me miss this might be the first two people to ever do Wembley and the 02 in the same day. Like a, like a double day. Nice. Monday was Paddy's day went to Devon chef for pints and lunch. Busy? Yeah. Yeah. Fucking heathen. Then went and did a bit of shopping. Then had a couple of cocktails at a bar called Swift,

who did the best Irish coffee I've ever had in my entire life. And then Mike and Vittorio had a Paddy's Day, all Irish lineup at the store. Looked great. But they asked me to go and do it as like the only non-Irish act. Oh my God, it was good fun.

And everyone on the bill. I loved, again, watching comics, I've never even heard the names of. And a couple I had just be brilliant. I've booked one of the girls who was on to be on the couch. The mad hair. Yeah. She's class. She's great. And it was such a great show. And then we went out for a pint afterwards. And it was me, Vittorio, Tom, Tom stayed in Trudy. We just have to stall hanging out. So they came out for a drink with us. And then Tuesday was,

went and did a bit of shopping, bought a suit for one of the days of Carl's wedding. And then Laney Wilson, who we all seen open for Luke Combs in Nashville, was doing a small intimate show in Kingston. And I got invited down to that by hair label. Oh my God. So I got to go down to that. Well, you've, yeah, you need to learn how to play guitar. What the fuck? What did you

expect? I don't know. I knew he went to country things. I didn't think he was getting the fucking VIP. Start building whatever you want to be an influencer. Oh, brilliant. Yeah. Porn and history live. Can't wait for that. The history of porn. Brilliant. Cartridge jet washers? Cartridges? Yeah. Cartridge. Cartridge. Jet washers.

Yeah. Well, their big convention. They do it in Belfast and London and they just move it around it's like this is a pressure washer I don't know. I just felt like a very lucky boy all weekend of being really present and grateful. You're doing... No this was just like that that's what you're doing what you're thankful for all the fucking VIP. It's just class. Yeah it sounds amazing. Fucking um and also... It was my birthday last weekend and it was less fun than your fucking weekend. I got a dartboard and had a nap. Both class by the way. Both class. You bought yourself a dartboard? No, we don't.

Is this the team who dartboards you were saying? It's a Win Mao. Cheeky little Chinese discount. Class. It was like a fake footy thing. Where it was like, oh yeah. Fake dartboard. Quality dartboard. And then it turned up and it was Wim Mao.

You know, like if you go on the internet, they're like, oh yeah, this is a Bocca Juniors shirt, but then you can't see the Nike or the Adidas. Is it good? Is that a good dartboard? It's class. It's one of the ones with the really sharp... Bladed. Yeah. Oh, it's lovely. I mean, it's not four days being a country influencer,

but you know, we still went to Hickories. What did you go? Oh, they've redone the Chester one. Really nicely done. Apart from the sports book, I think they've lost something in there. They've revamped it. The restaurant looks better. I'm a bit sad the sports book's changed. You know where we, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, where we've done the Super Bowl, the NFL a few times. And then I didn't want to go for pints.

I had pints in range and Antonio was like, oh, I can't make it. I've got babysitting duties I didn't realize. So me and Rummy went to the gym instead on my birthday night. Laura was going, you should go to the pub, go and do something. I don't want you to get to the end of your birthday and think you've not done anything. So me and Rummy just went. And I tell you what, I can see why people have a PT because when I go to the gym on my own, I go, Oh yeah, I'm doing this. And then pull that a bit. And then when you go

with someone who's like, you can do more than that. He's not even eggy with it. He's just like, yeah, you can do more. Yeah. Of course. You meant to do what you don't want to do. I think you're embarrassed into doing more. Yeah. Cause when you're going to leave tearing the tank, aren't you? You meant to, you meant to stop where you could just about do two more. If you go and go, yeah, I'll do that. You want to go and be like, but if you're on your own, that for fuck's sake turns into, there's a PT. You're like, Oh God, all right, I'll do that. You want to go and be like, but if you're on your own, that for fuck's sake, turns into nah. With a PT, you're like, oh God, all right, I'll do it. And then you're doing what you should be doing.

I don't know if this is a sign of things to come. I don't know if I'm ever going to spend a birthday. My birthday's fallen on a Saturday and I genuinely didn't want to go. Is it because right now we're in a period where if we meet up every other time we're having beers at the moment, it feels like we're finding booze really easily. Cousin Murderers Row, we've had a few boozy sort of...

Lock-ins. Shaboos. We've done a bit of that. So I don't know if I'll ever go to the gym again on my birthday night, but I quite enjoyed it. It was a fun day. My birthday didn't exist this year. My birthday was last month.

Is it because you're so pre-wedding occupied? Yeah, I said last night on the lock-in, I'm just in some weird waiting room right now in my head. That's the worst feeling. We were talking about this in the car on the way home last night. I understand it. And it's from such a sort of tenuous, it's obviously not like the same thing. But what Carl was saying, and forgive me for speaking for you, is everything else doesn't matter right now. It's all about the weather. And it's like you're trying to pull a fucking, it's like you're trying to pull a string of time to get that event to you. Can I say, before India, the month before, I don't know what we did, I can't remember

it, but India just loomed over us. And you just like, just get here. I can't honestly, like the whole thing felt like exactly like you say, obviously your wedding is so much bigger, there's so much more going into it, but I have had that feeling recently where you're like, I don't know. You can't, I remember it was talking about what we might or might not do at Christmas and we both said, you're like, mate, until India's done, I can't even think about it. But it's causing like a, not a big disconnect, but a weird like, a weird little disconnect between me and Seneca. Like we're in bed, didn't I? I was like, I just feel fucking mad. And

I feel like anxious and like I'm waiting for something. Like we're in bed, I was like, I just feel fucking mad. I feel like anxious and like I'm waiting for something like we're in just a big waiting room and life doesn't really exist. He's like, I feel exactly the same. I said to Will, he said he's getting married as well. It feels exactly the same. But it's going to be a beautiful wedding. You've got the mini moon and then you just get on with the, it'll just go like that. Won't it? That's what I mean. It's all lists of that and then gone. The only way I can relate to it is when Liverpool are in a title race and it's like the days between games. I get, I feel like that's one of the fucking if Liverpool play Tuesday and Saturday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, I'm just like, get out the way.

Yeah. Yeah. I can send him. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I can send that email. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it can't be like get it out the way because it's like do all these insanely massive things, pay all these bills, book all this, organize this. Yeah, you can't not do it. So then you're like,

oh, we haven't actually fucking looked at each other for a month. We can look at each other. No. Hiya. Hello. You're like, we haven't actually given each other a lot of time for like a month because.

Don! That wasn't me this time. Oh please. Um, I think that's a damn your strength. That's a break anyway. That's the man. How are you going to try and stay present during it? No, it's not. Go. Uh, just actively telling myself to stay present because I struggle with that anyway. Moving house is the same. It's probably not quite as massive, but moving house, you're just like, oh, can we just get to it and then get it done and then start getting on with, yeah, just looms over you. Yeah, I know. I feel like this is about, I'm in it right now. I feel like this is about Oasis. I've got lots of big weddings coming up, a very important people in my life. And you just want to be in Cardiff in July? I just want to be in Cardiff

on the 3rd of July. Just, you know, I'm going on the 3rd, it is on the 4th, I'm aware of that. Right, so 4th of July, first Oasis gig. Yeah, it's my mum's birthday. Because you want to see the set list. I don't want to see the set list, I want to experience the set list. Are they going to publish the set list? No. Oh, they've said. That's why we're going to the first one. And you'd avoid it even if they did. You can't, you're not going to be able to. People are going to post it. Everyone's going to know the setlist after the first night.

Yeah, it'll be everywhere. It'll be on Twitter. It'll be playlists on Spotify. It'll be fucking everywhere. You're going to write it down. Just don't look at it. Don't look at it. I'm not, what?

Don't look at your phone ever. I'm there. I know, I'm saying if you didn't look. What I mean is, if they, if you found out the setlist have been leaked now I'd have to look what yeah, yeah But I mean I would because I don't care. Yeah, but I'd have to look I couldn't give a shit Yeah, I all the reason I like known setlist for concerts is if there's a song

I actively don't like or don't really know all not asked about that's Barbra but that is gonna be very rare in this set. It's going to be won the wall and that's it. They've only got about four good ones. So he won the wall to go to the bar. Huh? No, I'm not going, I'm not leaving. I'm not leaving from, I've been talking to my, my brother's not happy about this. Me and my mate are going to queue up from, we'd be happy to stay there for a midday and just wait to get in the front pen. That's all we're asked about. It doesn't matter about being where you are in the front pen. If you're in the front pen. Oh, Finn, he's going to

have to just fucking get along with it. It's getting the coach from Birmingham. So it's a bit, you can't wait for a mate from Birmingham and miss out on, you know, like, Oh my God, the tetanus. I can, I can smell him. At Laney Wilson, at Laney Wilson. There was a girl who'd been queuing up since 10 o'clock in the morning for her intimate show in Kingston. And because there was a chunk of us on the guest list, we were put in front of them. And I was just like, go on. You should would you come? No, we're staying in an easy hotel. No need to camp. You love an easy hotel. I don't think midday is too early. We used to do 4am for the British Grand Prix, mate. RIP Eddie Jordan. Get cans in it outside the stadium, I think. Would you not camp if you said if

you camp you've got to get front row? People will camp. Yeah, people will. I don't think there's that much difference between the front row and 10 rows back. Who are the lizards that camp at Wimbledon? They don't actually have tickets in the, in the stands. Do they? Is that just an entry where if you're in first, no, but not in the, not in the two big courts. First come first serve. Yeah. That's why people queue up. In the main. Yeah. They have a very select amount of advanced tickets for the likes of Cliff Richard and that. I didn't know this. Centre court. Centre court you queue up on the day to get your ticket. So when Cliff Richard comes in, you can be like, nah, lads, I'm in the Royal box. I queue

for fucking ages. Well, he's usually got his own ticket box, but everyone else. That's why the queues are insane. I thought that was just a general entry to do all the fucking, there's 12 seats next to court 97. Wow, that's true. What? I'd love to, but I hate to hear it. I've been slagging off them Tories for ages,

now it makes sense. Wimbledon's on the bucket list, isn't it? That definitely, for me. It's gone now though. Like I don't know any of the tennis players. Imagine if they did that for every sporting event. You just had to be in the queue and then you could pick any seat in the stadium. Oh, hyper class.

Where would you pick? Game of footy. Where would you like, if you were going to Anfield, like as me, let's say you actually care about it and you're not just going for the dial. I don't care. I'm not like your level of like reaching the days. Where would you want to sit? Are you... Because I think the two options really are like two thirds of the way up the car

or halfway up the main stand on the halfway line. And the trade off there is atmosphere and view. I've done both of those. Yeah. Would you say that's where we were for Crystal Palace last year? No, that was too low. Oh, was it too low? It was alright. Yeah, but it was...

That was a similar spot we were at for the Principality with the rugby. That was a bit too low, wasn't it? We were basically like eight seats back, but at eye level with the pitch. And we played Napoli a couple of years ago. I was the row above the tunnel and that was unreal. If I was me, I've been in the cop. Who are you and you fit. No, I, but Adam just said, if you know what I mean? Just trying to straighten that out. But you're right. I am me. Thank you for believing in me. I've been in the

cop and you feel like a fraud. You feel like you're there going, why are we here? This is like, I know a lot of people like fucking tourists at the game, fucking ruining it. It's just, there's the nature of having a 56,000, what is it? 60, how big's Anfield now? 63. 63,000 people. Fair enough. They're not all going to be from fucking like L2 or whatever. But in the cop, you're like, that's where the tourists shouldn't be.

Where we got tickets for the Crystal Palace game, you're like that's where the tourists shouldn't be. Where we got tickets for the Crystal Palace game you're like yeah I'm not a Liverpool fan but like it felt like I should be there. When you're in the cop you're like what the fuck am I doing here? My problem with actual tourists at the game is that they don't care so they won't sing, they won't get involved. Fans from fucking Norway coming over and being in the car. I've got no problem with that. And I might be, that might be a controversial thing with Liverpool fans. As long as they're there to add to the atmosphere

and not just film it, you can be wherever you want. And what Liverpool needs to, and a lot of Liverpool fans need to fucking start admitting is there's a lot of scousers who've been going the game for 20, 25 years who would consider themselves ultimate Liverpool fans. It would almost like now too cool to sing. Yeah. Don't wear red. Don't sing. It's all a bit wool, but like it's gone, it's gone too far. They've got to the age where they're like in the 50s.

Not even that old. Right. Not even that old, right? Not even that old. There's just people who go every week. So it's not special to them. So they're just as draining on the atmosphere as people who don't care. Right. But like, and it's, it's, it's a very convoluted fucking argument and conversation. And it's a complex equation because I'm field is a reactive ground and you never want Anfield to be this wall to wall, zero to 90 noise because then you end up like fucking Galatasaray or Crystal Palace and their atmospheres don't change games. Anfield does. Anfield reacts to the ground and it takes a moment or a spark and then

Anfield just decides, oh, we're actually going to win this game. But there is a lot of people coming to games now who are just like, oh, Liverpool are doing well. I want to go to a Liverpool game. And you know, I have to admit that where I'm probably like that with American football, do you know what I mean? I'm probably to the Eagles,

what some people are to Liverpool where they're like, oh, I want to go to Anfield yet I'll pay the 400 quid to a towel. And especially Americans. What the, the interesting thing with Americans coming to Liverpool games is that the top prices in soccer are cheaper than face value in the NFL. As astronomical as it is to British fans when it's like what you paid 300 quid for a fucking ticket for Liverpool Newcastle it's 450 dollars to be in the main stand face value at the Eagles stadium. Well that's two different economies isn't it because what you get paid over there is twice what you get paid over here for most jobs isn't it? Yeah. I don't know if that

totally works out but... I feel the same. Foreign Wigan fans just coming over. We've got one from Hong Kong called Galen. He's great. No, I think what Adam's saying is the collective. If you know who the person is, that's fine. Yeah, no, Galen adds to the atmosphere. Galen, there's a fella called Andy who's American. Is there like three of them? And Chunks is from like oral. Oh, Jesus. Farmers coming on the train.

Interesting. All right, let's have a break. So you're going to go the game, just add to the atmosphere. Learn the songs, you big Scandinavian. Like if you're going to film it, film it and sing. Because otherwise, if everyone ends up just filming it, no one's singing. People are people so why can't it be? You and I could get along so. You can sing your own song, can't you? Yeah. Just make sure you sing. The great Glenn

Wobbet. Fucking wind in the game. Everyone's singing. I didn't know you're not allowed to pick your own song. Come on guys, everyone knows this. People are people. Very funny. Let's have a break. Oh God, this is good, this podcast, innit? And if you want more of it, you can sign up at patreon.com slash have a word pod and become a lid, a proper lid.

Join the nearly 30,000 lid army. If you sign up for as little as three pounds a month, you get an exclusive episode every Wednesday, audio and video, you get the early release of the public episode on video, that's Saturday morning, pubes get it Monday, and one of the near 50 Patreon specials that have just got better and better,

lock-ins, we've been to Amsterdam twice, we've been to Nashville, we've been to India, we've done so many things, haven't we, boys? We've taken over a barbershop. We've taken over a restaurant. We've done a bacon special. Anything you think of, you've probably done it, and there's more to come.

The Mr. and Mrs. Locking out this Friday. If you want to see Seneca on our podcast. No, yeah. Seneca was on the most recent Patreon special we did. She was great. Come on here to tell secrets that I didn't want her to. Patron.com slash have a word pod.

Um, I've had a lot of messages asking, uh, me to confirm that we were going to have Shane Gillis back on the pod cause he's in the UK over the next couple of weeks. We haven't been able to make it where we tried everything. Uh, I'm bashing the kids. I the kids. I've got a schedule. Shane was available four different days. Laura takes a lot of bath in. Shane flies into the UK literally today and goes straight to his sound check in Manchester

and straight to his show. And then he's got to get over to Ireland and then back and into London. We are down in London at the same time he is. And we even were like, Hey, we'll just hire this. We were going to do our first ever public not in this studio pod just to get them on. The times just don't work. He tried a lot as well and he's very keen to come back on. It just hasn't worked out this time. Um, I am going to open for them tonight though. That's cool. It's good. Next time. Co-op arena. On Sunday too? No, don't think so. It's another arena to tick off for you. Yeah. Yeah. It's a nice

one. Quite interesting as well because whenever I'm in a big arena this might sound a bit mad and manifestly but I do picture play in it and I very vividly remember doing that in the co-op when I went to see Noah Khan. Yeah, I'm excited. I'm not being into that one yet. It's good. It's good. It's a bit of a wobbly start, isn't it? Oh, it's a nightmare getting in and paying for drinks, but the actual arena is really

nice. Well, I've never heard of such a thing in an arena. Me neither. We've got some. Where's it from? Connor's got a stand up question. I really enjoy, Connor says, I really enjoy watching live comedy, but I feel like a comic set is ruined for me

if I don't believe them. Like telling stories that they keep saying are true, but are clearly bollocks feels a bit wank. Where do you two stand with telling real stories on stage, or does it not matter? I don't need it to be real. I have to believe it's real in the moment. And this is not just with stories, it's with opinions and with any sort of part of stand-up.

It's why I think at his peak, Bill Bair was my favorite comic because I built every emotion he distributed on stage. I felt and believed it. And it either has to be that or completely the other way. Like Anthony Jesselnyk where it's like, oh, it's all bollocks. When it's like a bit of a mishmash, a wishy washy of the two, where like someone, it's a conversation I had with Freddie about 10 years ago, when Freddie first started trying to do like more dark stuff.

And he was like, I don't get it. Like the audience are just fucking not letting me get away with certain stuff. And I was like, yeah, because you haven't picked a lane. You're trying to be like relatable and then awful. So you're peppering in the dark stuff with an old bit that's- And he brought up Jessanuk.

He was like, you know, Jessanuk gets away with much worse than me. And I was like, yeah, because he will walk on stage and go, right, so I was raping this baby. And immediately everyone goes, oh, this is all gonna be bollocks so we can laugh at more awful stuff because it's not true. I was like, what do you do, Freddy? Is it rough for anyone who's never watched Anthony Jessel Nick stand up? That does sound a bit

rough, but it's sort of his mo. Sorry, go on. I was like, but I think the mistake you're making is you're going on and doing 20 minutes of relatable material about what it's like to have a girlfriend and move in with her and like it has to be true for it to be funny. And you do 15 minutes of that and then go anyway, I was raping this baby and the audience go whoa. Yeah. Because they now have you down as a believable comic and they can't deal with the fucking change. And Jessel Nicks eight, nine specials in where he's playing to his crowd. He's not, you know, he's only like three or four. Really?

In that month. Oh wow. I thought he was more in than that, but he's got his crowd. He's got an album called Shakespeare. He's got Thoughts and Prayers, Fire in the Maternity Ward and his most recent one, That's It. But they are going into that show already knowing his style and so from the off... And he bombed for a couple of years because he didn't have his audience yet. It was the roast.

I've had this with stand-ups who are like, they do an authentic bit from their life, but then can't resist the topper that's like the gag. And you're like, that like, fair enough, you maybe get one that just everyone goes, ah, that's a good little joke at the end. But that instinct to add toppers, well, you're like, but they're, they're not real. They're just little, you've just seen a little bit of wordplay or a gag and the original bit was interesting and honest. And what are we doing? Are we just going to go on and do gags? Because I love comics who are just doing gags. It doesn't even have to be dark ones.

You know, on Instagram and whenever you're watching TikTok, old comics with a style of like, they're basically pub jokes that maybe they've written. I love that. I think there's a real craft in it and whatever. But exactly what Adam's saying, when you're doing sort of code switching mid-set it's just, it's unsatisfying. You used to live your life to write stand up based on your life, don't you? You don't...

I think you're allowed an embellishment here or there, aren't you? You're obviously... But your job with the embellishment is to make it look like it isn't one. That's what makes you a good stand up is can you embellish something in a believable way? Because if it becomes unbelievable with the embellishment it ruins the thing. We, you could make up an, I've had stories on stage that I have made the entirety of the story up

but the audience don't know it. Cause you're selling it. Because I'm good enough to make it believable. Yeah. That's what you need to be able to do. And that's the difference between someone who can do comedy and a good comic is kind of like, if you're trying to sell believability,

sell the believability. If you get halfway through and the audience is like, oh, he's making this up. Then you're not doing your job. That's the craft to it. And then also there's devices within that, isn't it? Like you can embellish, but it doesn't have to be part of the true story. Like a really well-told, funny stand-up story can go off on tangents as you go, as you explore the content. But you're not saying all of this

happened, all of this is true. I think this smacks of someone watching an inexperienced comic who is not good at making it believable. Like that's exactly what you just said. It sounds like a comic's just not doing it very well. It doesn't matter if it's true, really, as long as it's funny, but it does matter if you're like, what a load of shit. I can think of one really big name comic that I think is massively guilty of this and it's why I don't really enjoy watching them. And we don't slide comics off publicly on this. So I'll say it right now if you want, but you have to bleep it. Just tell us in the break. A huge comic. When I went to see Kevin Hart and I, I love a lot of Kevin Hart stuff. We saw him in the arena and we were so far out. We were right at the back. Like Laura got the tickets really late. We were a long way from the stage and And the one story that... What? I just nearly said something I didn't know that was gonna cross the line. When you were

like, Lord, I've got to say Australia Red Light, we were right at the back, I nearly just went, she's a silly bitch, isn't she? I'll allow it. The one story that I felt was really funny, I think I've told the story on set when he was like, oh, we were at the club, but we're all married and we're in the VIP section. And we're like, yeah, we're out in the club and we're not allowed to do anything because we've all got partners. We're all married. So in the VIP section, so we're all the boys out but it's fucking boring because you can't do anything because I'm famous and someone will take a picture and then it's a shit storm and they've got the fucking TVs on and they're playing table

tennis in the Olympics and we start arguing about table tennis and next minute we're at a sports store and I'm buying a table tennis table, all the kit, we go back to my mates house and I was like, table, all the kit, we go back to my mate's house and I was like, oh, this is a really, I believed it. It was like a really funny story about how we're in our 40s and we're trying to be cool, but actually we can't do anything, but we've got the money where we can argue about table tennis and then go and fucking buy all the stuff. And he's telling this story. And then I think it was funny and I think it was true, but he didn't have an ending for it. So he's like, next minute I hit the ball, I hit my head, I'm out cold. I'm unconscious for 17 hours. I wake up, I've got loads of texts on my phone. I was like, Bobby, you didn't, you didn't. It ruined it for me because I was like, I thought that was a really

interesting story and I was totally into it. But if Kevin Hart gets a concussion and he's unconscious for seven hours on the floor, his mates aren't going to be like, no, Kev's head butted the wall, we'll leave him there. You know, he's the arena comic that supports all of our existences, but we'll just let him sleep it off. And the bit was about when you don't message your missus back. And he used it to move into another bit, but the lack, I just, I called bullshit and I hated that feeling. And Kevin Hart's a fucking class comic. Obviously he's a superstar. maybe it's me being a comic but as soon as I call bullshit I'm like oh. And here's the thing right is where I think the true this is the difference between just telling someone what happened and being really

great stand-up and being able to embellish and being able to you know make a story a stand-up bit and not just be someone in a pub telling a story. Even if what he did in that routine is true, the fact it doesn't ring true means he should have changed it. Even if he was knocked out and his mates didn't text his missus and whatever, Yeah. Even if he was knocked out and his mates didn't text his missus and whatever,

it's his job to make the story believable. So what he should have done as a great stand up there is lied and made it more believable than the truth. Acknowledge the fact that people go, no. And he goes, listen, I know you're thinking no, but I swear to God, this is how, this is why it didn't ring true because the story was quite detailed. We're in the club, we're arguing about table tennis, it was all detailed.

And then the last bit, he was like, and then I hit him, I was out, I'm out cold. You know, he was almost like rushed through it like, I don't know, it's such a strange feeling. And I know what this guy's on about, especially with the big dogs where you're like, really? Like the never happened mate that you see on Twitter. Whilst playing tables and just to knock yourself out. Seven hours. Also if anyone's knocked out for seven hours, we're dead, dead.

Oh, he's knocked out still. Yeah, he's still knocked out. He's dead. Seven hours. I once uppercut to my dad playing badminton. You once what? Uppercut to your dad? Like I was with the racket.

You're playing doubles? Doubles badminton. Right, you what? Up against your dad? Like I was with the doubles badminton. Right. You didn't go through the net. I was playing doubles badminton and I'm not very good and he's quite good at badminton. And I just like caught him across the jaw. I've been banned from playing badminton ever since my dad. How long ago was this? Three years ago. That's such an alien concept to me. Playing badminton with your dad. What would you play with your dad? What's the best sport? He doesn't. He likes going fishing. I'm playing a game of phone chicken with my dad and both of us are playing really well. February 20, 24 is where no one's flinched since. I don't know who's going to win.

1992 beat that need. Oh yeah, you do win that one. Who's going to beat that? Let's do some advice. I'm feeling wisdom. Actually, I just have to say, improvise. Solve your problems. I'll tell you the best thing to do.

I have to. I'm riding this out. Four hours of sleep, two wanks. I'll solve your problems, I'll tell you the best thing to do. I have to, but I think you'll be fine. I'm riding this out. Four hours of sleep, two wanks. So I'm on an extra. Two wanks post-sleep or pre-sleep? Trying to get back this morning.

You had two wanks? You doubled a wank. Did I? See wanking's like showering for me. If I do it at night, it sends me to sleep. If I do it in the morning, it wakes me up. Yeah, I'm not wanking and going back to sleep. Shower.

I feel good though. I'm going to drop. You know, I'm having fun. It's fine. Kirsty says, lads. I'm in the men's working. Kirsty says, lads, what am I meant to do here? My husband has turned into a fully fledged cycling twat.

He got into cycling a few years ago and now spring's here and the nice weather's begun. He spends all weekend in Lycra, cycling around with his club, and I'll be honest, it's giving me the ick. Fine, you wanna be fit and healthy, but not six hours a day, dressed in a fucking aerodynamic bright orange cycling leotard.

I find it weirdly unattractive, and I think it's becoming a bit of an obsession. Any, any, leotard. I find it weirdly unattractive and I think it's becoming a bit of an obsession. Any advice on how to deal with this? It's a crime. He's got friends, he's doing stuff with them. That is what this is though. I know it sounds every week like whenever it's a girl who writes in I have an issue with it. I understand that there's a pattern here, but that is what this is. A man has got a hobby and she doesn't like she's not involved in it. That's all it is. Men having fun is the worst thing you can do when you've got a partner. What if your Mrs. Sandra, you know, what if she was like, I'm just getting into cycling and she was fucked

off for six hours. It sounds great. I just, I just checked myself. Oh, it sounds great. If she could get, if Laura could get the kids into cycling as well, that'd be fucking brilliant. What are you talking about? It's all it is is why aren't I involved? Cause you know, fuck off, go and do your own thing. What is the question? And none of us can answer that. What are girl hobbies? Shopping. No, that's sexist. Cause I like shopping as well. I like shopping more than well more than Seneca. Yeah. Me and Alex are the same.

Beads. What? Beads. Beads. Elaborate. Like beads. You know, like one of those things that like you'd stick on and then you'd put the heat on and they'd turn into how old are these girls? How old is your girlfriend? At least not into that. I just think that's a girl.

My little pony. All sorts. Like this is not a slug. Comment below girls. What are your hobbies? The gym. Pilates. St stalking your friends exes. Yeah. That's a big one. I once spoke to a girl. I was, I'd matched with her on, on hinge. I matched with the girl on hinge and we were talking for like a week or so and I was like, Oh, what are you doing tonight? I was like, Oh, well we're just in the car at the moment. Um, across the road from my ex and we're just watching his house. She said that to you on hinge. And I was like, and we'd come off hinge. I think we were on Snapchat and I was like, I was like, ah, that's funny. And she was like, no, really. She sent me

a photo and it was just like the outside this fella's house. So I just, I was like, is that not men's? No, we do with theirs all the time. She thought we'd do it with my fella. She also only ate rice cakes. She's that fella, fish on a rice cake. Can you see him now? She's less than him. She's got a fish. Only rice cakes and halloumi.

I don't, I don't judge that. I judge the stalking. You should judge all of it actually. In fact, the rice cakes and halloumi thing is worse. She's from Bolton as well. Oh, it's top of the list. The holy trinity. Do you not think girls... She better have been like a 10 by the way. Yes she shouldn't sound it. What's this out of? 10. Out of 50. That's mental. I reckon girls maintaining their friendships is like a hobby. That's definitely what Serec is biggest. That's like they put energy into it like this numnuts is putting into cycling.

Like Sereka could go on Friday, I'm going for a walk with Alex or I'm going for a walk with someone and I'm like, what did you mean? I don't want to go for a walk? I'm like, no, no. Just come around for a coffee. I go for a walk with like Jack. Sometimes me and Jack will just go for a walk. They're different with housemates, aren't they?

Cause you're there and you're like, I fancy a walk, you're there. Is that with pets though, as well? No, not always. I don't know, I'd say. We'll just leave the dog there and go for a walk. And sometimes we'll just be like, what are we doing? Should we just walk into town and get a pint? That sounds great.

That sounds class. Yeah, but like there's no effort going into maintaining and stuff, we're just sat in the living room with our fucking undies on and then we go, yeah, pint, should we walk so we don't feel too bad about it? On Saturday, I'm seeing this friend for two hours and like she spends time maintaining it.

But as I'm looking at her work, with my friends she has to put time into it. I think we're good examples of lads who do put time in with their mates, but I think, I actually don't think I am. What? I think the fact that- Carl's not really close with anyone he doesn't work with.

Really, are you? No. Like, are you ever the first to message someone and go, I'm not seeing you for a while? No, but I'm the first to complain. I know it's me, but like, I like... High maintenance, low effort. But I've also got a very social job where I'm like, I do just want to go home and chill out. Yeah. You know what I mean? I've got several groups of mates that, I don't have to put any effort in with maintaining with Josh

because we go the footy all the time. But that's your thing, you've got that thing with it. Yeah, and also we both like golf, so in the summer and into the autumn, we both will play that. And when we play golf, Ryan's on me there, and Ryan will come to a lot of social things, me and Josh do too, but he's not a Liverpool fan, so he doesn't come to Liverpool games and then stay who's got married the other week.

Steve works really odd shift patterns because he's an engineer for a butter company. Um, and so he's a engineer for a butter company. If you know what I mean. And they're all in Liverpool though aren't they? They're all in West Harby really. And also if I noticed they're all over the shop and you have to sort of make the effort, otherwise no one gets into it. But I also think like if a woman doesn't see her mate for a year they might as well be dead. Whereas if I don't see my mate for a year it's like, it's's like, there's been no time between hibernation. It's just like the catch up takes three minutes and

then you just being dickheads having a pint again. Like there's lots of the weather. They haven't seen like that one. Are you all right? And then you're like, it doesn't, that time doesn't exist. But it's girls like, Oh no, you haven't put any effort in. This is not a slam, but lads are just easier to reconnect. I think that's why girls stay connected. Because they're both making effort. Yeah. But as we won't make an effort, but because neither was making an effort, it's cool. Like I don't see these outside work much anymore when it isn't work related. Yeah. I mean, if I rang out and we went, Hey, what are you doing for lunch? I'm coming over.

I feel there'd be some questions. No, I actually enjoy that. I'd enjoy that as well. I know, but know, but we already see each other. Don't feel like you can't is what I'm saying. Have you said let's go on on Saturday? Not until with work. Cause we have fun, but like we don't, I don't think we've been enough time. I mean, I know I don't outside the work with friends because work is we live on a stag do not me. I think the person I make the most like active effort with,

not even active effort, because it's probably Alfie. Yeah. Like I see Alfie more than like on a social basis, more than anyone now probably. Yeah, he has a lot of that. I think he's in Liverpool a lot, so he'll just text me, I'm in Liverpool today, should we go and get food and have a little.

And also comic mates, there's another layer of like, you see each other, because you'll gig with each other. Totally. You know, like, but I mean a little... And also comic mates, there's another layer of like, you see each other because you'll gig with each other or you know, like... But I mean, you are not just comic mates, you're best mates who both do comedy. Yeah, like if I stopped comedy tomorrow, I'd still see Alfie almost as much. That's a good one. If you both quit comedy, who are the comics you're still in touch with? Yeah. Like it's not a massive pool, but there's... The ones that are involved with this, as in like, cause they're the closest ones, like

Brennan, you've surely seen Brennan still. Yeah, but it would be once a year probably. Yeah. Like, and I really like Brennan, but like... He makes an effort. He's a kind of catch up guy. Every now and then I'd be in Manchester for something or he'd be like, Hey, should we get a bite to eat or whatever? But a year disappears quick. One year and a half. I'd see Ishan. I'd see

regularly because he, I love him. I love him again. He's a very, like, no, no, he is no, I just know. Yeah. But he's, he's just one of them mates that makes the effort to get in touch and like he's quite open about like his feelings sort of thing. He's not a shut off kind of like lad who's like, yeah, no, I'm sound like he's one of them mates who goes on, mate, I haven't spoken to you for ages. He's quite like a feminine sort of catch up. Have you got loads? Thomas Green, is he one of them? Cause Thomas is in the pool loads and he'll just knock on my house.

Or like say I'm on the, on Lach Lane, travel to Lach Lane. It is a... I'm an idiot. Carry on. I'm enlightened. I can't remember the last time I've seen Thomas for a non-work thing apart from his wedding. Again, it'd be similar to Brendan, I think maybe like once a year, like the stars would align.

Also, I think if we both quit stand-up, I think you probably might see them more because we're applying our, I gig all the time. You gig. I mean, Thomas is a gig whore. He gigs. He's got a new family. He's fucking gig. If both of you didn't have gigs, I reckon a lot of these comments would be like, just for something to do, you get in touch. Who's yours then? Thomas is a gig whore. He texts me the couple of weeks. So I was like, can I come and do Adam Rowan friends in Glasgow? I was like, yeah, but you live like near London, Tom, and there's not much money in it,

like it's fucking next to no money for these like working progress shows. And he was like, ah, I'll get the early fucking, the bus up, I want to come and do it. Right, right. It's trying to get better, doesn't it? Here you go, this is one of the mates for Glasgow. Secret bills.

Have you not, is that one of yours? Like I know you've got E. Shan. Barry? Yeah, Barry's an old mate, I'd you've got Eshaan. Barry? Yeah. Barry's an old mate. I'd stay in. But how often do you see Barry now? A couple of times a year, but I speak to him every five or six weeks.

One of us all. When was the last time you seen Barry for a non-waving? It's a great, great question. Yes. Was it when you went to that? I think we stay in touch with a phone call quite regularly. But anyway, I think men need to make more than an effort with their mates. That is a big thing.

Totally. Text that mate in your phone book now you haven't seen for a few months and meet for a coffee or a pint or whatever and just go and do it. Or even just the most important thing about all of this is women don't like men having fun. Yeah, that's the top of the fucking list. One more bit of advice from Anonymous. I'm dying to hear your take on this, lads. So my best mate split up with her fella about six months ago.

They were an okay couple when they were together, nothing remarkable, but I always thought he was nice enough. She said he was a bit dull, the flame had gone, and she started seeing someone new within four weeks. Here's where it gets interesting. A few months ago, I bump into him on a night out and we end up having a nice chat about the breakup, how he's doing, etc. And I'll be honest, it got a little more flirty than I expected. I got on with my night, thought nothing of it, but that week I got a message from him on Insta,

it escalated and ended up with me getting an Uber to his at 2am the next weekend. And I've done the same thing nearly every weekend since. I know it's out of order, but so far no one else knows. The sex is great, but I'm starting to catch feelings. What should I do? Because my best mate is not the chill type. Any advice? Very welcome. How long was their best mate seeing them? Six months? No, they've been broken.

No, they don't say how long they were together. Just read the first bit again for me. Dying to hear what you take on this, take on this lads. So my best mate split up with a fella about six months ago. They're an okay couple. They were together nothing remarkable But I always thought she was he was nice enough right I Think it depends. Yeah, if they were official, I think that you can't

Know the other girls knows it's naughty. That's why the sex is good. Yeah I said, I know also I think what would happen here is if you, because that is true, because it's naughty, the sex is better. And if you got permission, it would ruin it. It would take the flame away a hundred percent. Like it's like the friends thing in it with Chandler on stage. She's like, you know, if there's no spark, then it's because we fucking... There's a bit of me thinks. No, making it to boo is why she's going there every weekend like this is naughty and this is boss. Yeah. But if the feelings are being caught,

she'd lose a friend and she'd lose this spark with the lad. So just fucking bit it off. How would you feel if I started getting one of your exes? Faye. Faye. Me and Faye. Oh. Fine. What'd you know? Really good. Like if I was on my phone, I was like fucking Christ and you were like what? I just got another nude from Faye. I'd be so happy for both of you.

Are you taking it to the League Cup? I never took it to a League Cup final, if you know what I mean. What if Robert invited Adam on a holiday? Fucking slag. Me and Uncle Robert are in the south of Tuscany. Oh, South Tuscany. I wouldn't be bothered if it was North Tuscany. But you know I love South Tuscany. I wouldn't be bothered if it was North Tuscany. But you know I love

South Tuscany. Up in the airport. Thank God. Thank God you specified. Yeah, it'd be fucking weird if you went on holiday with my Uncle Robert. Only like an inch more weird than when you go, I think it should be a Patreon special. We all do it. I mean, as much your Uncle Robert is, he is mine. Yeah.

But he'd have quite a nice time. Is he flush? Is he doing alright for himself? Yeah, I think he's doing alright. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you just play card games when you go away? Do you think ka-plunk? Strip poker.

Is that a card game? No, I was adding to the... Yeah, we play the card game ka-plunk? Strip poker? Is it a card game? No, I was adding to the... Yeah, we play the card game ka-plunk. But that's what we do in the south of Tuscany. It gets pretty crazy down there on those warm summer nights. Yeah, I'd be a bit miffed, I think, because you're like, no, do you know what? It's... How long ago was Faye?

Statute... it's about 43 years ago. Statute of limitations, isn't it? I was with her when I was one. Is there a statute of limitations on this? I don't think so. Like you've got one ex-girlfriend, if I fell in love with her I'd be fine with it. I mean how much are you catching feelings?

Maybe it's worth the... Maybe it's worth it. She broke up with him as well. Yeah, she's seen someone new. Fuck it. I know that feels like the right advice, but it's a bit like, no, just this is, no, just stop. Nah, but the taboo is what's making it good.

Just ride it out. Just keep fucking him and tell him, you're enjoying it, why are you trying to ruin it? Because she's catching feelings. So now she's like, oh, I don't want him to be my fella. And like, I want this to all be official bumming, not like preseason bumming. Listen, it's a murky technicality, but if you're lucky enough to fall in love, what if it's the one? You know, I'm a big believer in the one and the other one and the other ones. Maybe you get eight. Maybe this is one of the eight, you know I'm a big believer in the one and the other one and the other ones. Maybe you get eight

maybe this is one of the eight you know. I think that's an old stand up in a man that I might bring back soon. Like the concept of it is I don't want to be with the one because I don't trust myself to not fuck that up so I'd rather be with like one of the lower ones. So I know I could always do better. You're the three. You did that the first time I ever saw you. Did I? I don't remember that bit. It's a really old bit, it's not on a special.

So I think I'm going to try and work it back in. I've been working my stag do a bit back in and it's really fun. I can't believe how much I enjoy doing that bit. And it's just been on a shelf for like six, seven years. So is the advice here just own up to it and try and enjoy it? Is it not just ride it till the wheels come off? Is that your new song?

Yeah. I just keep shagging them, try and crush your feelings and even just enjoy it. If the sex is class with the feelings and it's naughty, but the second this all comes out, it depends how much you care about your best mate. You've probably got to tell her, Sal's. Got to tell her. If she wants anything, she wants a friendship still. Cause if she finds out without telling her,

it's definitely over. I think there's a decision going to be made. Do you see one? She shouldn't have done it. She should go back in time and undo it, but you know, it'll be too late. Great advice, Carl. You can't unsuck any cock. You shouldn't have done it. You should feel bad about yourself. Keep doing it though.

That is a fact, you can't unsuck a cock. I suck my cock. You are disgusting when you do that, you know. I was trying to do it in reverse. Twist that. Who's crocks this? Anti-clockwise. That fella. Audio listeners, you miss nothing there.

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Good for you. You're having a bit of a hangover, aren't you? So I thought I'd do you a little, the phrase you like. But I tell you what, is a cure for any hangover, it's comedian Ian Stirling! Long overdue. In it though, I'm glad I'm here. I think the internet is beef. I think the internet is beef. People are always like, why is Ian Stirling never been on the show?

Do they all hate each other? We love each other, I think. I love. But I always treat trips to Liverpool as like a sort of holiday. Yeah, you have a similar relationship with Liverpool that Alfie Brown does. Yeah, I just really like want it to love me. But they can they're like Liverpool like cats. They can fucking smell it off. This guy is too keen. I'm showing up with my like

95s on like hi guys. All right. There you go. Straight away. I can't do it. I can't do that. Do you know why we call them one 10s? No, I don't. We had the discussion about it once after an FA Cup final. I forgot I was battered and I don't remember what was said. That was a good FA Cup final. That was great. That was really good.

Where did I have a... Did we not go to like a pizza place or like Shane Gillis? Yeah, we were initially in like a... So we bought Cans from the offie. That was it. And sat in a like fried chicken shop, drinking cans, eating pizza with Shane because Shane had gone and been in the Chelsea and but just wanted to point afterwards and then just went to some hell hole pub near Wembley. It was class. Yeah, it was fucking

gold and that's when everyone had the trainers on. We're explaining the one tens. It's the price. They used to be 110 pounds, not anymore. Inflation is that actually what it is? Yeah. When they first came out, they were 110 quid. So we've got called one 10, but Nike and Max 95s were 110 quid. Yeah. Yeah. Fucking class. And that is literally a, and that's why see why I'm on this. I would rather have this discussion in private and not have the city hate me. I've no idea. I'm so first. It's pathetic. Do you think you'd ever live here? If you'd have the choice, if I could live anywhere, I would, I think I would, I love here. I mean probably Scotland because of sets with my family now,

but this is the place I feel most like just chill spiritually connected. It gets me. It's got a Gregg's. That's all it needs. It's got loads. It's fucking love Newcastle or Leicester square. Yeah, I know. But then that's what I mean. But it's just, it's got like night. It's just nice, man. I can't put a finger on it, but Yeah, we are good. Your bins are purple. Is that a red blue thing? So apparently it's meant. Is that true? Yeah.

Yeah. Apparently they make sense though because then the recycling one is blue, but there's no red one. But the purple one, I do believe they mixed Everton blue and Liverpool red. I'm like, that's the fucking bin, mate. Why is it not just black like the rest of the country? What? Why is it not just black like the rest of the country's bins?

You mean that sound like you've gone, like this podcast has gone mental right away. I don't see colour. I don't care if you're black, blue or purple. In Nosley they are aren't they? What? In Nosley which is the outer ring of... I thought they were brown. Because I remember being on a bus about ten years ago.

And there was a... yeah, flex. And there was like a group of kids at the back of the bus. Fushingilless now boss. There was a group of kids at the back of the bus and they were sort of like bullying one of their mates because he was so nosily and they were all singing you've got a brown bin maroon maroon. It doesn't even go, it doesn't even scan as a song. Why outside your house. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's probably that simple. Red and blue. Yeah. Great. So no one would set bins on fire. No, no. It's just like, oh, I'm having a red bin outside my house. I just saw the rubbish

on the floor. But they could have made it blue and Liverpool fans wouldn't have been asked. This is an Everton thing, isn't it? Like when they sacked Ronald Koeman from putting red tinsel on the Christmas tree. We sacked him for the Christmas tree. Famously. Get out the club, Ronald. That did happen, by the way. He wasted all the money. The fucking stupid fat Dutch cunt. He's the reason we're in this shit. And the tinsel.

See, it is a pleasure to be here, but this is the exact sort of place I'd like to be in a pub with a Guinness without the pressure of being funny. Just going no, it is a camp, that's class. He's the one we get, and we've done a lot of footage of today. When we got the money from Micheli, he was the manager who got to spend it and then just fucking jizzed it. I actually think he's quite a good manager, isn't he? You know, cause he's gone on to do all right since then and Evan sort of stalled. Yeah. Yeah. But I'm saying he's, he bought all the shite and the tinsel. The tinsel was genuinely the turning point. Yeah. The red Christmas day and loads of Evan fans were like, fucking red red red Christmas tree like red themes and of it you know like Christmas if one of Ronald Cummins terrible signings was

to have the nickname red tinsel which one would it be? It was Sigurdsson Cummins. Sigurdsson? Love Christmas him. That was a good signing though. Oh he's I actually a bad example he was a great signing in though. Oh, he's actually a bad example. He was a great sign in. Yeah. But he didn't do any accidently. He didn't do it.

Oh, red stencils for the kids in it. Christmas. Davey class and Davey class and shy. Yeah. But he looked all right. I accidentally. Hey, if you're listening, you lost. I'm from the Dutch league unless it's like Suarez or by Mr. Roy. You're a Liverpool fan. You're a Liverpool fan. I'm a Liverpool fan. You're just not just hanging around Wembley hoping to see Adam and Shane Gillis. I hang around pizza places hoping to find Adam Rowe. I hang around off

licenses near stadiums. That's how we first sort of met in that. Absolutely. Yeah. Edinburgh. Similar to like where that starts hanging out with Alfie as well really. Yeah. Oh, the match on at the Fringe. Yeah. Yeah. Free Sisters. Yeah. Outside. I met you there as well. Yeah. I don't like the big screen. What? Why? Why are you a Liverpool fan? Is it a family thing or is it a? I've always, I've always liked them. And then I went to, I went to university in Norway and then they've, they love, they love Liverpool. They love the reds. They love Norway for like a year and a half. I can, uh, Rasmus exchange thing. And they were like mad into them. And then like basically Scandinavians are like quite standoffish. So like the way in was

so they all just said they supported Liverpool and I'd like, you know, it, Istanbul and all that. So I was like well on board with that. And then just got into that and then we went to a few games like flew from, cause also Norwegians are absolutely minted. So they all flew over to Liverpool like it was nothing. And they used to go to the UK. I think it's still the case, but they'd go to UK and be like, ah, everything is like even students would be like a bottle of champagne, please. This is like nothing. Yeah, because it's like 47 pounds of pint over there. It was when I went to uni there in like 2010, it was like nine quid a pint there. Oh, which is like London. That's Oslo prices. Yeah. But that was, were you in Oslo? No, that was

it. It was all taxed that high. And also all alcohol was taxed mad. So everybody just drank lager. Everyone, like there'd be a little like tiny, young petite blonde lasses with like big fucking pints in their ass, Vikings. You've got, this is a great place. I've had it for you, didn't I?

You get like 10. I'm like, I'm still in there. Midget blonde Viking ladies. I thought like Oslo was class. It was amazing. I thought it was, it was really chilled and dunno. I think me looking like this counts for more in Oslo. I think he is one of us. Yeah. He's like, whoa, pale, ginger beard, balding. I like the look. Did you do well when you went over there? I got a few looks. I was like, I'm punching above my typical way. Yeah. Well you're just

different in it. Cause I remember when I was at uni there, brunette stood on real at uni cause everyone's blonde. So there'd be these like stunning blondes that were just like 10 a penny. But look at me, I'm only a nine. I'm a UK nine. No one's going to buy me. Have you ever fucked a Norwegian lady? Why say that in a whisper? No, no, I have, I've not. Why were you punching above your right then? No, I just, in terms of the, you know, you're getting a little, you can get a vibe. You're getting a little look, you know, the subtle Norwegian. Oh, I like it. You know, I got a few of those. Subtle. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You just got a hint. Oh, I like it. What does he mean? No, the Norwegians have got a very subtle flirt. You'd see a blonde lady, obviously from the other side of the bar and she'd be like, oh, I'm into it. You know, just stupid. They're very cold. They've got a little smile. That would be enough. But that was our way. And we just literally for about three weeks, we'd go watch Liverpool game and we had a 10 equivalent of a tenor by a pine nurse set for an entire match. Cause that's all you had money for. And then then Goldman and after three weeks weeks they all warmed us. But they all had like these mad deep Norwegian accents.

But then a lot of them grew up on Liverpool. So they had this like really like that sort of cod almost like comic book high pitch scouse accent. But they'd speak in Norwegian like I had a mate called Frederiksen who would generally be like, oh, we'll do off with common there is a boot. You're 18 me. Do you want to go? That's cause they're all, they've just let us in. That's how we learn English. What did you study in Norway? Why did you go to Norway to study? The truth is I applied late to get a year abroad and genuinely it was so expensive. No one else had asked to go there. So it was like the only one you knew where you're going from. No, I mean What uni were you going from? Third year.

No, I mean what uni were you at in the UK? Edinburgh. Oh, right, okay. So I was born and bred in Edinburgh. I'd lived in Edinburgh my whole life. Like first person from my family to go to uni. So the thought of going somewhere else was mental. All my mates and that were here.

I stayed at my mum and dad's house and why would you spend my next mental? And then went to uni and then met like middle-class people people. And I thought I need to move out and explore. Are you like a qualified lawyer then? I've got a law degree laws, a lot of you could only qualify as a lawyer once you've got a degree. It's like you have to do it. So you haven't done the actual qualifications to be a lawyer. I've got a degree. I've got an LLB, which is like a law degree, but then you've got

to do more years to qualify as a lawyer. So what can you do with a law degree? Be a solicitor? You can, you can go into then do the, so it just opens doors for you. It's like a fun degree to have in it. You just get to do loads of reading for fucking no reason. You can, cause you can do, you do the second two years of a law degree, you can do once you've already got a degree as a post. So you don't even have to do, you could do any degree and then get the two years to be a lawyer. Of your law degree. Don't count for anything. And then the second to count for like ever

it's mad because it was originally a post. This is, this is what I mean. I, that's why sometimes I get stressed doing podcasts. I'm just going, is this fucking so boring? No, I want to know. And we initiated the chat. I also want to know about- If you're commenting, it fucking is funny. I want to know about Norwegian law. Oh, I did Norwegian law. I just did, I just did oil. I went over it. That's all they give a fuck about, isn't it? With the nine pound pints. They fucking love it. Oh, the Norwegians. That's why they're not part of the European Union. They're minted. They're so rich. There's Norwegian oil.

That's why they're not in the EU because they're like, fuck yourself. We have all the money. We've got all the, you know. There's big pipes between Aberdeen and Norway just transferring oil and there's whole law about who owns the pipes and who owns the water above the pipes and the oil in the pipes and the oil out the pipes. Pipe law. Petroleum law.

It's fascinating. Oh, when you get a good fucking petroleum lock case. A little blonde girl with what's that in your hand? A fucking canister of oil. Ian Sterling's new podcast, Pipe Law. The pipe law pod. You're getting a piping. That's right.

This week on You're Getting a Piping. I hate that. I hate that. And I've seen this podcast enough to know there's going to be a 30 second highlight for me is going, you're getting a piping. That's exactly what I thought the guy from Love Island would sound like. Judgment made. No, but I do. I really,

I really loved it. And I tried to do, I tried to do one exam in Norway, like one law exam in Norwegian written Norwegian written in Norwegian. I got, I got a D but that's 40 percent. That's not bad. Yeah. I've got a 40% pass so you can read and write Norwegian. Not it's the most I could, I could conversationally speak it and. So you can read and write Norwegian? It's the most, I could conversationally speak it and I could read it, but it's the most pointless language to, I know a lot of people say this, but it's genuinely the most pointless because they all speak English. And I'm not exaggerating, I am not exaggerating. If you see a Norwegian that's a Liverpool

fan, they're not going to, they're going to do an offensive Liverpool accent, but they'll do an accent with you like, I can help fair play. Like how every Southern professional impressionist does Jamie Carragher. Yeah. But I'm there from that's in there like second or third language. So they always got the pipes going with me. I played the latter in Oslo and the whole shows in Norwegian and then you just got me and Sean McLaughlin were on and the whole gig just switches to English and there is no, it does. There's no pause. They're just like, come out and do the bit in English before he brings you on. No, the only bit like it sounds like it's like, and the fucking, that's what it sounds like. They did. That's a reverse.

It's a rewind. And then they're like, and then you walk on them and you go, surely they're going to have to, are you going to hello? And they're like, yeah, cool. It's a, it just clicked. If they don't get that, you're in trouble.

Hello? Do you know what's up? Do you know the best? It's just off putting as the performer to not hear your language apart from your name and then it's an English gig. And you do feel a bit like that is when we were on a ski trip and like on this bus going to the ski trip, there was like 1890 students and me and my mate Robbie who'd been there for a couple months, I didn't speak Norwegian, the entire bus on the way up English, singing like songs in English, like football some football chants.

Honestly, you'll never walk alone a bit of that. And then the Arsenal fans were booing it was like Matt was looking away, it was class. And they all just spoke in English the whole time. They love it. So you never get a chance to speak it. If you struggle in the word, they're like, just go and come on, let's speak English. And then also there's only a population of like four or five million. And then Norwegians and Swedish, they can sort of understand each other, but it's different languages.

So if you're speaking Norwegian, your second language, you've got no chance with like Danish or Swedish. So you might, they, Danes and Norwegians normally would just probably speak English to each other. It's easier. So you're like, what is the- So is that way useless though? We are, it's, you never feel- It shows that we're useless though. We are.

It's that you never feel more, it's fucking embarrassing, man. And I just think it's class though. I remember like our first like boys trip, me and Carl was to Berlin. And when I seen all the signs in both German and English, I was like, we've smashed this, you know. We are from the best place to be. We won that war.

We did win that. You just don't have to learn anything, do you? That is slowly changing now, like France, like 15, 20 years ago. Now, if you want to speak English in France, they're like, nah, nah. They're going a bit hardline with it. They're like, this can't be fucked with it. And the same way, you know what I mean? If a French person tried to talk to you, I'm not saying they're being like, it's not like a Brexit thing or anything. They're just like, I can't be, my English is as bad as your French. So fucking let's, let's do this properly. And also that's not just an anti-English thing. That's an anti-American thing.

Yeah. Oh, I think in current, in the current environment, America has taken a lot of heat off of us. Yeah. We are like back to being the good guys. Cause they've got Nazis again. Yeah. That's mad. They shouldn't be there. You know what? Adam, that's fucking, that's lovely. That you're right. I'm just anti Nazi. I didn't realize this podcast had gone all political. I just like wind up cause we've got a few listeners who are like Elon Musk's little fucking chode ticklers. They've got t-shirts and everything. We are the Elon Musk chode ticklers.

You leave him alone. He makes cars. I love JD fans. Salinski wash red. Oh my god. How did he not just go, you guys can fuck it. Well, I'll tell you why, because this country would fall. That is the absolute, that I just, I just, again, going back, having flashbacks of school, I just hate that bullying when

you know you're holding all the cars and then just being a fucking prick and the other person just having like bite their tongue. And they're like, it needs to be appreciated sort of like the maturity and like energy it takes to not just to help everyone else just fucking take it and not be like fuck you. Yeah, it was minging. Fuck you. You know this word, you never said thank you. What are you doing? Where's the suit? I said, he said, did he say thank you? Thank you. 61 times. Like he found all the times

he said, thank you in the room right there. Oh, what a fucking grim sit. There's going to be so many comments going off. I think he's going to sort out the middle class. He's just released files about JFK and I've been really into it. Shut up. Classic though, when he was like, this is going to be no tax if you earn any less than 150 grand a year. You're like, wow, bold move that. It's just like 9.2 trillion.

Anyway, did you do stand up in Norway or did you start stand up after this? After so, cause I'm from Edinburgh. I did a sketch show when I was 16 and my mate was 14 called just so ever slightly. The sketch show was called a venue on the Royal mile. My mate's, my mate's cousin ran a venue called diverse attractions on the Royal Mile. And yeah, 14 and 16 and it was a sketch show where this is on the fringe during the actual fringe. We did a two week run. There was a sketch where both female weather presenters and it took us about five minutes in a blackout to get completely dressed up as ladies. And then the sketches about 40 seconds long, Then there'd be another blackout.

And it was like, it was really funny because people would, and it sort of did all right. And that's where I got the buzz to do it. And then I went to Edinburgh unit to do like improvised comedy. But then when I went to unit, it was, but that's what I went to Edinburgh unit because I'd saw improvised comedy when I was at the unit. And knowing you're like 15, 16 and there's all these like cool 18 year old students, 19 year old students doing like improv, and it was called the Bedlam Theatre, this little like transformed church.

And I was like, obviously I'm showing up in like, like trackies and I'm just a lad from like an estate, and I'm like, this is fucking mad. So I went to Enrion because I wanted to do that. But then there's that weird culture shock. It was genuinely mad when you meet like proper in middle class English people for the first time and they've all got like, and I know it sounds like a cliche, but they've all got like scarves on and that. And I'm just like,

what am I doing? And I'm doing like, I feel like I had an impressive child. You're like, what the fuck's this? I remember the first time they ever had shiitake mushrooms and I couldn't buy one. I was like, I can't believe I'm having a shiitake mushroom. I couldn't believe it. I'm not even, it's one of the most vivid memories of uni, having a shiitake mushroom for the first time and being like, and I was honestly like- Was that on the side of something or was it just- No, they just, I can't really remember what they were served in. I just remember having them. And I remember thinking so vividly, I go, nobody knows. I've never had one. I am smashing this so hard. Everyone's

like, Oh, this is just a guy that I should tacky mushrooms. I'm like, yeah, I am. Yeah. So did you buy a scarf for Stephanie? I had one of the, I had a, like a sort of, what's it like a cast tan before I even knew like the religious undertones of it or anything. So I just bought one cause it's like, I wore it with a waistcoat. It was my, but then I'd go home and like put on like track. I'd love to say mad double life and I never really fit it into the improv thing. I got quite good at it high up, but I never made it to the actual classes. And that's when they were like, Oh, we're going to put you back into like the practice a bit where you go with like, it's just like

people are good at improv and mentally ill people. Like it's insane. So I was like, that's why I went to Norway. And then when I was in Norway, I'm alone, I couldn't do sketches or improv or anything. So I started writing stand up. And then when I came back to uni in my final year, 2009, I'd been writing stand up for like a year. I just started doing it. Oh shit. You did a year of writing with that. Yeah. Just cause it was something to do, wasn't it? Like I've, cause I loved comedy, but I know I couldn't do anything in Norway really.

When you started doing your first gigs, how much of the hour, like that, that year of writing was actually useful? Were you going like to new material nights with a fucking water? Yeah, I had a bit of it going on like a caravan, like going caravan and I had like diary, like I had like a fake diary that I'd written like, like probably about four weeks worth of like funny stuff. So there was a, for an open spot, I could open this diary at pretty much any page and like read an extract from my, I'd always go up in, obviously you do two or three gigs and you realize that's, you put a little marker and that's the bit that

works good. But when I first went, I just found I'm reading from my diary, whatever page. Like a kid coming back from school all day on the first day. That's when you're an open spot. Look at what I'm doing. Look at what I've done, I think. And then we went for some ice cream with Nana and Grandad. But I think I definitely started, I was definitely better than a lot of people at the beginning because I had that stuff. I had this like whole bit. Yeah, and you were already stage experienced.

Yeah, I think that helped as well. That's just so, just being comfortable on stage. And I was still only like 19 as well, so I looked dead young. Yeah. So I had that sort of, yeah. How old were you when you did the stand-up spot on Russell Howard's Good News? That was like, that was young, too young. I actually thought your set was class.

So this is long before we were mates, long before we'd met. I used to just be like a fan of all comedy on the telly. I watched so much of it. Well, I think the Russell Howard Good News segment became like what the Live at the Apollo bit was to me. Like, cause I think, when those guys started, I would look at that Live at the Apollo,

and Russell Howard's Good News. And you'd always like trend on Twitter and that, cause your name was written in the back. Like hundreds of times. They take more risks, wouldn't they? They take more risks, like in more people got a chance on that. That's a guy called Jason Dawson. He's amazing. And he like is obsessed with comedy. I work on a show with Jason. Yeah. And he class and he book everyone for that. He's and he, yeah, that was, it was so nice of Russell to do that as well. Be like, yeah, we gave him props for that when he was on a few months ago. He broke so many people. Yeah, he really, really did.

Emotionally was an offer. No, no, he broke people like and they definitely helped me because I was in kids TV and having that behind you was like mad. Oh, I'm glad you bring it up because Harry is our researcher and Finn. they were saying like this morning before you come in, they were like, I don't think you realize how much of our childhood Ian was involved in. Like this is like a massive deal for both of them to have you in the room. I've noticed there's been such a change in the last two or three years where it's like now when I'm on tour, like the, the everyone's the love Island thing. I think everyone, maybe not, but I always run the assumption that like comics, other people just assume that my entire audience is just like 25

year olds, like in bikinis. I love love Island, but it's not, it's like fear people. And then it's actually the people get the most excited about it. I've never really talked about CBBC on stage, but I might now cause I thought it was too niche, but people know it. And also the stuff I did with Hacker the Dog was all live and it was all on like old tapes that they kept for a year in case there was a complaint for offcom and got recorded over. So it doesn't exist anywhere. So the fact that people have remembered it, people like remember like the songs, like we did like a chair rap, a bit is daffodil chair rap, but we did that once in between like Tracy Beaker and like chuckle

vision or whatever. But we did that once live on the telly and it was never seen again. And we did that in 2009, 2010. And people still remember the words to that guy's blowing up on tick tock anyway. Do either of you remember the words to it? I don't remember the chair rap, but there'll be other bits. But if you weren't watching on that day, you'll not have seen it. That would have been class by the way. If I hadn't come up and nailed that rap. I remember you having a lot of phone calls. Yeah we had people phone in a lot that was fun. Yeah. And they'd always like, we were quite, I think we were quite, there'll be some of those calls around like YouTube and that, they're quite funny. Like we're

always quite funny with it. Quite annoying. Was it like children ringing up. Yeah. Little kids. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's all right. Can he dance for me inside of me? Have you got any? I just think I've seen clips like recently and it was so you're dancing on the line like, but kids, I was, I was 10 at that point. I'm not knowing what's going on there, but you look and there's underlying. I always, I like the idea that the humor was like a bit, like a bit more grown up in terms of like, it was like a bit like sarcay or whatever, but I was never a fan of that. Like, like I found it weird when like kids TV shows, I would put like sexual innuendo and like a thing for like for sex

shows. Like what are you doing? One for the moms. Yeah. But you know what I mean? I don't like that. I liked it when it was like a bit knowing if you've watched some of the phone calls you can tell her that's perfectly pitch kids TV though. Isn't it? Because what the acknowledgement has to be when you're making kids tell a I imagine he says with the confidence of a man who's never done it is You have to understand that the parents are also watching it because they're sort of being Forced to so there has to be the odd little thing for the adults Just the line is don't get the offcom complaint don't get you can't get that offcom complete. Don't get, you can't get that offcom complaint. Did you ever get one?

Yeah, we got, we were on, what was it? What's the thing that actually on the BBC for complaining? Offcom isn't it? Oh no, no. Points of view. We were on points of view for being annoying. I'm not joking. I'm sure it's online. It was literally like a kid from like Bath or whatever going, my favorite shows on this BBC are Nose Round and Blue Peter. And then these people pop up in between and they're so immature and annoying. And it cuts like a mum going, yeah, everyone finds them annoying. And then obviously just show pictures of me like with

a frying pan on my head. No, I remember I used to do a thing called sterling through the ages where all my, all my, um, relic, all my ancestors were standups and they literally use a cup of me dress as a caveman going, what is a caveman's favorite a rock concert. On points of view, BBC one prime time with no context whatsoever. Maybe it's like a fake we're gone. And they were like, yeah. And then it worked out. Is it Jeremy Vine? Yeah. Going, yeah. We spoke to the BBC and they said, actually it might not be forever. Might not be for everyone, but they're not annoying. You're talking about stand up as a context. I did stand up on a bank and advert for nationwide. I saw them. That they would show at half time of Liverpool games. And one time I was in a pub in Birmingham

called the, uh, I think it's called the brass house. Literally the pub is called something like that. It's on a, it's on that big, horrible, is it Broad Street the Brass House. Literally the pub is called something like that. It's on that big, horrible, is it Broad Street in Birmingham? Yeah, Broad Street, yeah. Where all the bars are. I was watching the Liverpool match in there, and at halftime, the first, so it goes, halftime, it's Liverpool 2, whatever,

and it goes to, the first one is me, and I had a man, because obviously that advert was on a thousand times a week. So, and it's stand up. So people are being forced to watch a pretty shit stand up joke a thousand times. And a man in the pub with an ear shot said, I ate this fat cunt. Stand up out of context. And I'm just in the corner of the pub with me black cunt.

So to be like, yes, I know why. Was that, was that, please tell me that was good money. It was absurd money. It was clear debts and go on holiday money. Yeah. It was worth the dig in a pub in Birmingham. Yeah. How long did you do? That'll be rich fat country. How long did you end up doing CBC for? I did it for four, I did that for four years.

Full time job. You were in there Monday to Friday. Five days a week. And it was so funny when you're younger as well. And like I've never won for like advice, but I remember this is also mad. Cause I had a full, I got that job like six months into doing standup.

And I did it for like four years, but all my mates were like new standups. I remember being jealous of them having nothing like be going to the cinema during the day. And I remember like I'd meet them in the morning and I'd have to go into like do telly and I'd be jealous of like my mates that were like going to the cinema at midday. And then I obviously realized down the line, I was like, oh yeah, they were just fucking bored. But like it's, I remember you coming to the frog and bucket and like that was, I think that must've been when I met you.

Yeah. I was like, I remember thinking, fucking hell, that sounds like a lot of work. Yeah. It was, and I would get every night and then at the start they were kind of weird about it. And like, they were like, Oh, you can't get outside the M 25. Like when I was in London, they were, you can't get outside 25. But I was like be with it the London prices Everyone lived outside the m25. Yeah, so I was like this is my I was yeah doing just trying to do gigs and Doing all that and online. I think it was all right because there was like Twitter Yeah, I had Twitter existed and it was kind of a laugh But there wasn't like videos and all that so I don't think think I could do the stand up that I did back then and be a kid's seat presenter now.

Now, because someone had filmed it. There's no way. Yeah. Especially like, you know, like you're doing like weekend gigs and it gets a bit rough. And it's sort of damaging to the brand. Yeah. Well, not even the brand is it just like, I remember when I was on like the rule when I like when tech, when Twitter was in its infancy and you'd get like BBC training videos about how to conduct yourself online. But it'd be like a woman and there's no disrespect because it was like internet was so new. It'd be like a woman is like 55 being

like if you at someone then that means you're speaking directly to them. But she's no idea what she's talking about. So it's just like as long as I kept my Twitter like stand up and then my kids TV was like a separate thing. But yeah, it was great being able to do both. And it meant I got to be, I was basically a part, almost like a part-time stand up for like five, six years. Yeah, because you had a creative like thing that was helping your career and building a profile.

And probably maybe even building a profile that you didn't even really understand the impact it would have long term then. Because there's probably like kids who were watching that show back then. It were now adults and wanna come and see you because of that. I honestly think that's probably like,

cause you had like every tour you've got like, I did like Taskmaster. So I reckon I had a tour or two where you noticed the kick from that. And then like the Love Island, you noticed the kick from that. And now I think it's literally this year's one is like the, the, all the kids that watch me on CBBC are like mid twenties and like are in relationships and like going out and chilling. And that's that honest. I've, it's such a weird, I've only noticed that the last couple of years, it's so weird.

Was Love Island, was Love Island the biggest boot? The biggest kick. That was insane. Love Island was insane. That whole, I could talk about that series three when it went mad is like, cause I'm in Spain, it's like such an insane time of my life.

Are you out there the whole time? Not anymore, but I used to be. So like for like with series three, it was that year, it might even season four, whatever one it was, it was when England had that deep run in the world cup and they got beaten by Croatia eventually, but they were deep. And it was that thing when, do you remember it was all like everyone was in the pub watching England game. They'd be like, but Love Island would be on in like one corner. It was sort of like mental. And then like, I was just getting

added into all these WhatsApp groups of my mates. I'd like love Island, WhatsApp groups and like something mad going on here, but I'm in Spain. And then, um, so I'm just like German tourists and a hotel resort. And then it's like 300 of us ITV employees. So we know it's getting back, but we don't really know. And then I just went home one day and then like, I'm just talking and people are like, are you the love? Like, so I leave. You got known for your voice, recognized by your voice. I'm doing tours on my own, but I'm selling like 50 tickets. And then I come back eight weeks later, I literally get off the airplane and

I go, Oh, thanks a lot. And you go, you love Island guy. And I'm like, what is, what is going on? And then like everyone knows. And then I do this, they do this like after sun spin off show. And I'm like a guest on that for like 10 minutes. And I'll let you wake up the next day. And I've got like, no exaggeration, like 250,000 more followers on Instagram. Like that, not an exaggeration. I'm like, what the f... It's a proper iconic and distinctive. And then you've got, you're doing the, the downstairs room at the Brighton Commedia on Friday. I'm like, yeah, we're going to put a London show on the Saturday. I'm like, cool.

What's that? Apollo, Hammersmith Apollo. So I do a 50 seater in Brighton on Friday and I do the hammers with Apollo on the Saturday. I'm the same tour. I'm like, what is going on? So you've done two series and they not taken off. And it was that 2018 is 2018 is the big one. I watched that TV. Yeah, that's the first year. The first year did all right on telly and it did not great online, but online was new and it was enough that they were all right. And they were sort of vaguely aware we're going to have to, as telly's learnt down the line, we're going to have to move this shit online because that's where everyone is. So it did just enough, but they

were going to sack me and the guy that wrote the voiceover. They wanted rid of the voiceover. They were like, it doesn't make any sense. It was all filmed wrong. And like they didn't, they put the voiceover in the wrong place and all that. And there'd be people like on line. I remember being like, can anyone hear this? Like the mix would be wrong. So can anyone hear like a Scottish thing? I'm not going mad. All the people like fucking hell David Tennant's got a tax bill. Jesus Christ. But then it just, yeah, it just went really mad. But it was like that weird. It was so weird being and I don't even mean, I hope that doesn't come across as like, I think it wasn't that. It was

like being in Spain and a German tourist resort, we're like 300 people making this thing being like, what is going, but we're not completely detached from it in the UK. It was sort of dystopian. It was like really exciting. Can you talk me through it? Like we're talking peak 2018. Can you talk me through the day? Cause I, when obviously as soon as my wife, Laura got into it, the first time she had it on and I bet it was 2018, I went, you do that thing where you just like, you're in the house and you go, is he in sterling? I was like, you know you do that? Like I'm just checking. And that is fucking Ian Stern.

Also up until that point, if I'm being completely honest, cause I remember like it was before like Joel Domet done the jungle or Mia Dun Mia done vote. Like I was being told by like people closest to me and my agent and that being like, you can take this love line job. And obviously I needed that. Like I was like, do with the money. Like, yeah. But I was told like, you'll never get on radio for you. Probably never do BBC stuff. You'll never get booked for latitude. You'll never like there's all these weird things like comedy, comedy like things you want. If you're the reality TV guy, then that's your f*** then. Obviously that's completely changed.

But you were faceless though I suppose. So that's why I hadn't told. So by series three I was forming my agent. I'm going remember everything I said about keeping this on the DL. F*** get it out. Can I ask what your day was like? Cause I'm, I thought you, I didn't realize you were there. That got worked out quickly, but what was your day like out there? Are you anywhere near the villa? Or what's the, are you just like... There's the villa and there's a team that work in the villa and then there's like a production site that makes the show, monitored 24 hours and that's all there.

So there's a villa and then there's a like a sort of like a director's area with like the camera ops and the mic guys and all that. And then over this side, there's like an editor production and all that. So I'd get in at like 12 o'clock and it's me and a guy called Mark. We write the show. We always had, he also came up with a format back in the day. So he's like a cool guy, Scottish guy as well. He's been like staff ITV for years, but he writes like all and index stuff Ramis, celeb and writes helps write the love Island voiceover.

So you've got the morning to yourself, like you're on holiday. Well, because it was 2018 and I was in my twenties, I was on holiday. Then I would, I'd have the evening to my, I'd be like two, three in the morning. Then it'd be like, got to get in work for 12. If I'm being honest, I wish I could go back and I'd have a, I don't think I ever had a free breakfast in five years. I was in a hotel for five years in Spain and I don't think I had a breakfast once. Got up, got in a car. I hope I'm allowed to drive this thing and just went into work and for 12 and then we'd have some lunch. We'd go in for 12 because me and Marcus Scottish and the lunch was free and it closed at one. It's

a stereotype, but it is true. So lunch and then at one o'clock we just start watching the show. We just watch it's pretty much finished And we'd watch it and add the voiceover in. Part one, watch it, write the jokes, record it. And we'd do all that. And the only thing, when I lived in Spain, when I did it in Spain, the only annoying thing was I couldn't go home till like they'd signed everything off. So you'd finish it like four, half four.

And then you just wait until eight. But you're, it was in a old stone, like a m Mason stone cutting area that we just converted with Porter cabins for like eight weeks. So I just literally sat on a bean bag for like three and a half hours. That doesn't sound like a bad day. No, it was class. I think he's getting a bit of pizza. I tried to not go out by then was mad because everyone's just like, it wasn't, Love Island wasn't like this big thing yet. So everyone was just sort of semi-dossing about

and having a drink and a laugh and it's great. You know, because your voice has become so iconic and there's not many British voices I can think of that are so distinctive. Like I honestly think the only one that I think is as distinctive is like Christopher Walken. It's the only one that like I think is so distinctive. Like I honestly think the only one that I think is as distinctive as like Christopher Walken. It's the only one that like I think is so. Is that so?

I think it's- Ray Winston, Attenborough? Maybe, yeah. I would have loved Walken to do one series of love island. Around the Vibe bit. It's getting heated. But do people do your voice to you? They do. And actually there's a weird, no, they do. But there's a weird thing that you talked about. Russell

was good news. Say even before I did love Island, comedians would add a bit about the mega boss. I had a joke about the mega boss that was, um, um, if you're on the mech being, it's like being a junkie. It's like heroin. The mega, the mega bus is like heroin. If you're on it, chances are you're a junkie. Right? Really that it was like my first ever joke ever wrote like 15 years ago, but people, other comments the mega boss. The boss is like being a junkie. And I don't sound like that. It's Gav Webster's Panda Hour. You're going to town during Panda Hour. He's so Jamaican. Yeah, we both did him Jamaican. But the love Island season when like my missus is watching it and I get into it because I can't not. Your voice lives in my head and I commentate going round my own flat in your voice and

as a mate of yours that is mental. But I have caught myself a few times being like, Adam is having a bath. I'm just like, running the thing. I know it's not perfect, but in my head, I'm like, I've just done a perfect Ian impression. Have you ever met the big brother guy? Yeah, once.

You should go on a night out and just freak everyone out. Everyone's just like, what the fuck? That'd be great. Sir Knight, day 48. He's a lovely lad. He actually was, I remember he used to record big brother in his garden shed. I thought that guy's living the fucking dream. And now I record love Island in my house and I'm up there with the guy. But you got a fucking, you got the booth. I've got the booth. Have you got a garden office? I've got a little upstairs. I've just got a little spare room converted. He's got a club as well. You've progressed to how we started this podcast. We've gone the other way. Like we've got to

get out of this spare room. You've got, I've got to get in the spare room. It sort of shows you the traction of telling podcasting. So I used to be in a studio and I'm in a spare room and you're in a spare room. So COVID they were like, what happened there? Was it COVID rules? They just realized it was cheaper. COVID we did. I think we missed one due to COVID. Then we did one in an office in London because of COVID and I was already streaming at that

point like on Twitch and stuff. in an office in London because of COVID. And I was already streaming at that point, like on Twitch and stuff. So I was going into this office and ITV being like, I am literally leaving my house to go. And also I was an early adapter of the whole, you must have had the same thing. You started in COVID, but because I was doing Twitch streaming and stuff before COVID, I, the only time comedians have ever come to me for advice and my 15 years of being a standup was when they were like, Oh, how'd you like film stuff and record stuff and like put it on the internet? Cause I'd done streaming. The point I'm making is because I'd been as I was like a big hobbyist Twitch streamer. So I had all the stuff I had proper microphones

before anyone had proper microphones. I was using like, you know what I mean? I was using like proper cameras before everyone was using web cams. I mean, I knew about cam links before anybody knew about cam links. Do you know what I mean? So like, I was going to the studio and ITV being like, I'm literally leaving my house to go to a worse thing than what I've got at home. And then I had family and that. So then it was like, yeah, it seems mad to go out there and I built a little studio. Nice. And a pub and a pub. We've built a pub. Yeah. With a Guinness tap. That's the game changer. You've got to keep gigging because you'll never leave the house again. Honestly, if I wasn't here right now, I'd just be at home playing FIFA in the studio. Yeah. I've just bought, I've just got a dark board and it's gone up in the garden office and you could, you should

stream that on Twitch. That's like darts is the new hot tub streams. Yeah. We've got a fucking omni all day. This guy, I know. I saw it. You, you, you lot should do a have a word darts competition, Twitch stream. It would be, it would fly. It was actually. And I've got, I've got all the Instead of the lock, imagine a lock in, but with darts, cause then they'll get proper spicy towards the end. Someone's dropping a dart on a dog or something that's happening. There you go, Harry, write that down. It's not a bad idea. It's not a bad idea.

Fucking class. I don't know if you've tuned out or if you've had your mind blown. No, I'm sort of want to just do as much darts as possible. I think I'm getting fully addicted. You could stream using it because it records. Or I go in my garden office and just play darts on my own. That sounds waste. It sounds like peace and quiet. Why don't you join the darts team? Like in the local pub?

I love that you're more shady about that, but everyone's having a go at Donald Trump. I promise you, if I do, just choke me out and even if I tap, just keep going. Why? Kill me. What do you mean? I don't want to join. He doesn't want to make new man friends is what he means. I've got enough man friends, mate. I've got 22 year old Irish boys. I've got 76 year old men. No, I'm where is he? I'm where are these? You could be a local darts league. Wait, Dan goes on holidays with his uncle Robert. He's not his uncle. He's a 76 year old man who was

friends with his mom. Flores. This is mom's Flores and Dan has been on seven holidays. Just those two. Is he since childhood, you've always called him uncle? Yeah, I didn't just start recently. Don't twist this like I'm being the fucking idiot. I'm just trying to get to the bottom of why you go on holiday with a 76 year old that's not related to you. How the fuck was that spun on me? It wasn't spun on you.

He's just defensive. So you've always called him uncle since you were little. Yeah, how have we gone from me twitching darts? Is that how I say it? Just streaming, streaming. Twitch streaming? Just streaming. It doesn't have to be twitch.

Does the other exist? Oh no, it's all about the twitch. Oh, you can do it on kick. You can do it on Instagram. TikTok. But there's sort of a TikTok live that's got a weird. Imagine how depressing that would be if me on Uncle Robert playing darts on TikTok was bigger than this.

It probably would be. And then I've got two things to do. But also on top of that, there's a guy who's a big fan of our show, really sound lad, he's 22, he's from Ireland and we've met him from doing shows out there. And you met him, you went, nice to meet you, too young and then you moved on. No, Dan has become his...

Dan is his Uncle Robert. He calls you Uncle Dan. We've been on holiday together a few times. What's weird about that? What's weird about it is we were sharing a podcast show in Dublin and you flew over early to meet him and didn't meet us in the pub. Does that say you cunts all the time? That's my Alan. Can you imagine? Twin rooms save money. You can't have two rooms.

What do you have? What do you talk about? I don't know what I'd... I'm 37. I don't know what I'd talk to a 22 year old about. It's mainly GAA and Guinness, you know, and also good times and memories making them. Do you know what would be great if you did start the local darts team? Like the crowd you would bring and all of that. Like he felt going, why is this? You go, Dan, Dan, quick question. What's the lead?

Why is the pump shock? You have to turn up like gala Tay. Yeah. Imagine if you did, it was like a local darts tournament and they're all expecting like four or five like wives and partners. And then you just play the music, come out in a full shot and there's like 80 podcast listeners just going, do do do do do do do do. You see in the film Hustlers, when Osha walks into the club, it'd be like that. You walk into the pub, fucking on to that, actually. You have to. Two 50-year-old women on your arm.

Young. I'll go younger. Cool. I'm getting into that. Is this that? A 22-year-old comes out in hands of your little box with your darts. Oh, no, I want to spend time one-on-one with Alan.

Alan, I know you're watching. I don't know why this is a thing. But apparently it is. I'll message him now. Break time. Let's have a break, I need a wee. Darts League for me, mate. sponsor it's Manscape.com. Manscape.com. The very best and below the belt men's grooming. Sort your pubes.

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You playing basketball tonight? Yeah? I probably is. Manscape.com, word 20, 20% off. Get on me. And we're back. What was it like doing soccer? I've done it. I've done it. I've played twice and I've done the commentary like three years. I think I'm commentary now for the rest of time. You got a novel. I've kicked a ball. I've kicked a ball. I've played one full half and that was enough for me.

What position did you play? Left back. Sir? Left back. For the rest of the world? Left back, rest of the world, yeah. Did you do one good thing? Were you like, I did that at Wembley?

Yeah, on camera in my highlights package, me, slight tackle through, Joe Cole won the ball. Perfect. Perfect, done. The minute I did that, I was like, we're at fine. Who was the, who is the international in your team that you were like fucking hell? Claude Mac. Well, Darren Fletcher for me, but for everyone else, Claude McAlely. You played with Claude McAlely. Yeah. He had, he and the most French thing of all time, he genuinely had a shower while smoking. Genuinely true.

Not even an electric, proper nineties fag on. And then Patrice Evra found the whole thing so easy. He, he got taken out by Mark Wright in the first half. And then, cause it's like such a low pace for him, cause he's a athlete, he sat on a bike and angrily knocked out like seven K on the pedal bike whilst demanding someone tell him who this Mark Wright guy was.

And then he just came out second half and just bombed up and down the right. There's those players that are like absolute game changers. It's sort of, if you've got that, we had Patrice Ever, so we were gonna win. And then I think last year England won and they had like, like Theo Walcott is still like, he was playing tonight and last week won it. Do you know what I mean? So it was like, oh, so the newly retired guys with a bit of pace and a bit of play. Even like,

even when you play alongside someone like Darren Fletcher, who's not known particularly for like pace or whatever, but like his touch, his engine is like everyone. You're like, this is mental and he's not, you would never think, Oh, you got me just said picking the ball out there. It's a far. It's amazing. The whole, the whole thing's it's so funny because it's basically just footballers who want to be like comedians and rock stars meeting like comedians and rock stars who just want to be football. I remember I got Wayne, I got Wayne Rooney like a Corona and it came with a lime and he was like, I don't, I don't want fruit in my beer. And I was like, this is mad. Got Wayne Rooney another beer. It was so good. You got like a good,

for beer. It was so good. You got like a good, the gift, the gift bag you get in soccer aid is like next level. Like all your, like your boots, all the latest like boots. I've got this pair like Nike. I don't even understand football boots, but I've got these like Nike boots that are like absolutely. It's like, I mean wasted on me. Like giving a toddler like a PC. There's no point. Got a whoop, no, those whoop wristbands. You can get like some people got ice baths, like an ice bath. I got an ice bath, like from a, like occasionally, like if you're on social media and stuff, people send you stuff. I got sent one about 18 months ago, but from like a company or like a man went, oh good, good, good. But it just sat in me hallway full of clothes.

The best me and my wife, me and my wife were going to get an ice bath. It's a wash bin. It's a massive wash bin. I got this ice bath from Ikea and I just keep all my dirty washing in it. Perfect size though. I've got a lot of clothes. Do you actually use it as a wash bin? No, I use it as a storage. Yeah, it's more like like there's stuff at the bottom of that that I think I've lost. What brand is it? Ice baths. Are you waiting for that

like brass monkey money to come in or whatever. They're a good ice bath company. There's a cold plunge place you can go on the Albert Dock, not the Albert Dock, but one of the docks. And I go there once, twice a week. There's a cold plunge in my gym and I'm more likely to do it when there's people around also you don't just like screaming shout when there's other people cause you do that obviously your toxic masculinity kicks in.

It's easier when there's people around. Yeah, much easier. So I'm going to me and my wife were debating get one arms, but I just knew it's just going to set their free freeze over. That'll be it. Never use. It does it every morning. You do it every morning in your house. Yeah. By yourself. I had to buy it cause no one on social media gives a fuck. So I got, I got a nice cell. Why don't you just do soccer? You'd get one. Oh yeah. I'll just do so. I'll speak to Claude Michael. Lately when I was, when I was, when I was a newer stand up, you ever had that thing when your

mate or your family would come up to you when I was still new and trying to like make my way and they'd just be like you ever you ever thought of being on that live at the Apollo? Like I thought oh shit yeah I never thought to ask anyone about that. I've had people say that to me since I've done it you should try and get a live at the Apollo yeah love to see you on that hey you've got that opportunity you just type it into YouTube. Would you ever do Taskmaster, lad? Would you ever do Taskmaster? Yeah, do you know what? The biggest show in TV. No, yeah, I think I would actually. Give him the thought. Give him the opportunity. Yeah, that Taskmaster must be the new one. Like, yeah, just go up to Comments. Would you do Taskmaster if you're asked? Well, yeah, I'm not on it because I haven't been. I did a TV show with John Bishop. I was on,

I think I was on screen for maybe 43 seconds. Lovely. Cut over two clips. And for the rest of her life, every time I saw my Nana, she'd go, how's John Bishop? And it genuinely made me wish I'd never been on it. I don't know how my Nana saw the TV industry, but it's like, well, you live together now, don't you? So she asked like he was my housemate. How's John? Do you know what? I was like, he's great.

He's really good. So Seneca uses that with one of her kids in school. So we met Logan Paul last year and he saw the picture and he's kids, the biggest Logan Paul fan ever. Yeah. And if he's misbehaving, she'll go, I'm going to tell Carl to bring Logan Paul and say you're misbehaving. He goes, no, no, no, no. Every single day. It's worth also addressing that she does teach special needs children and it's not just like a 14 year old who's like really worried that we're going to get Logan Paul on the end of

the phone. One picture of them for five get Logan Paul on the end of the phone. One picture of them for five seconds. Yeah. Best mate of the meeting. Logan Paul's the perfect crossover of YouTube and wrestler. Yeah. He's massive now. Any boys would love that. Every that's every boy's dream. Yeah. That's all they want to do. But to be used as a threat. I've only seen clips, but Logan Paul, I'm not really a lot. I still, I wrestling is that thing that I wish I've only seen clips but Logan Paul, I'm not really, I still, wrestling's that thing that I wish I was still into but I'm not. But Logan Paul looks like from the clips I've seen that actually legit classic wrestling. Beating the villain. He's perfect

like he's. It's not like the boxing thing where you're like oh they are good but they're not boxers. He's like out and out proper wrestler guy. He's got the charisma to be a heel as they say. Is he proper in? Oh, at WrestleMania main event in? Yeah, he's a superstar. He's a... Ferdows. He just punched Andrew Schultz's head in, didn't he?

At the Madison Square Garden one. Have you not seen that? How is that not been on my algorithm? He dragged Schultz into the ring. Are you listening? You're showing me the wrong shit. I've seen enough tits. No that's a lie.

That's a lie as well. It does not exist. Instagram has thrown me a lot of tits, but I'm missing that. So he was like, he was like Schultz was like, yeah, you like me? He was like, no, I'm here for the real stars and then named these other wrestlers. So Logan Paul dragged him into the ring and then this wrestler comes out and batters Logan Paul and shelter's like, yeah, fuck you. Sick.

That was a very abridged version, but it's cool. No spoilers. Uh, Ian, before we move on to some questions and stuff, you're on tour at the minutes, so why don't we give dad a good old plug and you've got a special on Amazon. I've got a special, I've got a special on Amazon called failing upwards. If you want to watch that, it's pretty good. It's great. So I think you're going to watch it. You know, I, I, I don't really know, but I just think you're going to, I don't think someone's watched 40 minutes of this podcast. And then if I go, it's on Amazon, but if I really sell it, they'll go for it.

But if I don't sell it, they'll be like, is that wrong though? Maybe I was wrong. It's the best thing you ever use. It's good. Give a watch. See what you think. Give it a watch and then watch adolescence on Netflix. Oh my God. Don't watch adolescence on Netflix unless you honestly need, I'm not, I'm not exaggerating. You didn't, you didn't even in like decompress. You really, I'm not like, it sounds like an exaggeration, but like I needed like, I only got, I watched it last night and I'm not exaggerating the whole train journey. I felt, you see something that's like talks about something really important. It's really unbelievably well done. I've not had it in years. I was generally coming here going, what's the point in me just talking

about nothing? Have you seen Help? Have you seen Help? Yeah. With Stephen Graham? Yeah. That was the last one. I was like, wow, that's changed me. And Stephen Graham is incredible. Stephen Graham is unbelievable. But yeah, this is like another level. I'm trying to think the last, I'm trying to think of the last thing that got me like that. It's powerful. I'm really excited to

watch it. I think I'm going to watch it tonight after me. Last season of happy valley was a like a unbelievable. Is that good? Is it? Yeah. All right. It's really fucking good. And it builds to the third season. And after that me and Laura had a, I think the, the red wedding on game of Thrones, right? Yeah red wedding on Game of Thrones was one of that. I know that's been talked about, but I live with Danny Mack at the time and that was one of the ones where you finished and went, what the fuck? But it wasn't the sort of social implications or it wasn't, it was just shocking.

And that was, it became part of like the zeitgeist in it that everyone was like, what the fuck have I just watched? They've just murked main characters. I watched that camping. I watched that in a tent, which kind of out of the weird edge to a sick one. An episode. Yeah. Watch other lessons and a home watcher. I think parents of definitely sons and schools should be made to watch it just for the and give yourself thinking time afterwards. And also with Ian sterling special, you've just got to give yourself, you afterwards. And also with Ian Sterling special, you've just got to give yourself thinking time. Do you know what?

That's what you do. That's what you do. Watch Adolescent and then put on me. Like Oppenheimer and Barbie. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. I'm like Oppenheimer because I bomb so hard. Oh.

We've been doing some executive orders. Sorry, one second. Where can people get your tour tickets? Google it. Ian does jokes dot com. Ian with two i's. I-A-I-N Ian does jokes dot com. Class.

Okay. What were you going to say, Dan? Have you got some executive orders for us? Because we can make you, you know, president of the world right now. I'd love, I'd love the opportunity. There was one that was, there was one I was going to mention later, but the way the conversation went in the first half, I think you'll appreciate this. My, one of my first orders would be that, um, any team sport that involves more than five people should be like banned as once you become a man over the age of 30. Would five aside come to five or is that 10? Five aside is the absolute cut off

and I'm excusing five aside because five aside was clearly invented by a guy in his 30s going, where am I getting 10 people from on a wedding day? Like it ain't happening. So I'll do fives, that'll do. Smaller pitch, less running. Less, but I know four people,

Craig's a prick but his cousin's got a ball. That'll do. This guy's trying to arrange a game and Alston's got a ball. That's it. Fuck it, he's got a ball, he'll do, I hate him, but that's fine. I just don't trust any man over the age of 30 that can get a hold of like a rugby team on like a Tuesday. I think it's weird. They've either got a weird, if you put those many men together, they've got a weird aggressive alpha energy that I don't like. Yeah. Or they're in, or there's some sort of like group of lads I've met on the internet and I don't trust it. Do you know anyone still playing like 11s? No, no, it's

mad. It does. It is, it does feel weird. My dad played hockey into his 40s. That's what I mean. Lock him up. Lock him up for the Preston 14. Yeah. Lock him up. He was 14. He was captain of the 14. I think I don't know if you're weirder to me than you having a 22 year old friend. It is that is weird. Men over 30 should play fucking tennis. Hit it to your mate Steve. It's paddle now, isn't it? Or paddle or squash. Paddle. Steve doesn't show up.

You can just bang it against a wall. Squash looks hard work. I know that's what you men are doing, but... Squash is literally, if you think about it, you've literally gone, fuck it, I can hit it against a wall by myself or I'm in a room with one other person. The room's locked. I can just scream. else's. If you actually analyze it, it's just clearly for a guy who's 40 and lost his mind.

Yeah, but there's no ceiling on the ones that are gym. They've got like two squash courts, but there's no, that means that the old feral screaming would just echo out across the gym. It's the equivalent of if you might as well have an actual padded room in a gym and just send a 45 year old guy with like kids just to like fucking go. I'd like to join the gym. I've used that. I've used that. I'd certainly cold plunge in for that, you know, a stream room.

Adolescence. It's really important. I don't want to be like, like hard about adolescence because I generally really movement. It's really important. But like you do look at some of the characters and that and go put them in a fucking room and let them just go into a pillow. Some of us just need, are we really just driving past the fact that Dan's dad into his forties was skating around the ice rink playing fucking ice hockey. Not ice hockey. Ice hockey.

The much cooler one. Ice hockey. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. there's rings everywhere. Did he ever get above that or was he always pressed them forth? When he was a younger man working in South Africa, that's when he got into it. That's

when he got into it. And as an older, I think he just liked day drinking. So he'd go and play hockey and then he'd come back at seven. I don't know if he was playing hockey. I was playing hockey love, seven hour games a day. He had a hockey stick and he put some lead on the back of it and then taped it because it was illegal. So he just played out the back. That was all he did. He just played sent center like of defense and then just twatted it with a heavy metal. This is what I mean. I just say not allowed. I just, as I'm saying it out loud, it doesn't sound like 11 men or 15 men, whatever in their forties in a changing room. Like what are you doing?

They're either going, it's that vibe. It's that in it or it's sort of like just weird. You don't know that. You look like you play that by yourself. You're not going to. You look golf though. Yeah exactly, I can play that by myself. That's four people in it. That's match four. You're not going to change your room at golf. Yeah you're not getting, you don't even, you only get two, you can walk, you get a car, even the car, you can only get one other person in it.

It's just great. Just do your own thing. Then you go for a bit of breakfast afterwards and then you all fuck off home. So third is the cut off and then? Third is the absolute cut off. For team sports I actually weirdly agree. I think five side doesn't count. Well done. We're going to pass it. Yes. Do you have any others?

I think a coffee shop, you shouldn't be allowed to treat coffee shops like an office. Banned, banned. This is as someone who does this occasionally, but the people who do it every day, they were like, oh, I don't need to pay for office space. I'll just go and buy one coffee and take a table off this independent coffee shop. Glass of water and you're at a table next to a plug socket.

And I'm like, nah, that's prime real estate. That's coffee panini. And using the wifi. Minimum. Using the wifi as well. Wifi, all that. I was in, I hate, I don't want to do like stand up. There's a, there's a, I do it as stand up, but there was, I went in to one, I was in

a cafe Nero once. I'll not do the actual bit, but it genuinely annoyed me. There was a guy in there. He had two laptops, which is immediately annoying. Yeah. Like two laptops. This is insane. And he had like not headphones, he had a headset on. I know like have some fucking shame, like, do you know what

I mean? Like what are you doing with the little microphone? He's on a zoom call. And then what annoyed me was he was like loudly apologizing to the people on the zoom call for like how loud it was in there. Sorry, it's really busy in here. I'm like, yes, public place, get an office. That is quite loud, fucking insane. So I've, I, when I was, especially when I started out, I'd always go and like, right, stand up in a coffee shop and I do get it. And actually if I try and do writing, if I'm in my house with my own wifi and I'm within, I'm within 500 meters of my PlayStation, I'm getting no work done that day. But at the same time you go in, get your coffee, get out.

So it's coffee. Like if you do use the coffee shop, you think there should be a minimum spend or you're just saying don't use it as an official. I've got no problem with like a few emails like sort of like Sex and the City vibes, few emails on your phone or whatever, Coffee to Go, I quite like the romanticised version of that, but if you're like going in where you're fucking rucksack being like I'm hunkering in, I'm hunkering up for the day. Like what they should say, right, it's £10 an hour, then for you to stay. Exactly. I don't think that, I think you should have to buy something every hour. Every hour, they come over and go, hey, you've had that coffee for over an hour, so you either I don't think that I think you should have to buy something every hour that every hour Yeah, they come over and go hey, you've had that coffee for over an hour

So you either buy a fucking pastry or you're out on you got to stack them up like your sushi dishes Shamed you've got like a six coffee high thing you like my mate I like a pool table where they've got the light on your light goes off after an hour You've got to go and buy something else. Or like, remember, did you have, is this a, the swimming pool where you all got wristbands like the red must now leave the swimming pool. So in Charlie Chalks, like a Wahiware, you get a vest. So you go in like red vest, boy, you do it, you just find a little gimp and take his vest

off. I didn't do that, I just saw it. No, you never do that. No. To be fair, if I was in a coffee shop and someone had wristbands on and they were like red wristbands leave and like a guy in a suit just went over and batted another guy and took his wristband and went, all right, you can stay at the coffee shop. But I just think you shouldn't, coffee shops have just are not a sort of like solution to your office requirements. I think a lot of it is to show that you're busy.

It's London busy. You must be this all the time. Oh, Carl calls London busy. You know, like when you're in a Starbucks in London and someone's like, they're definitely not even really on the phone someone, but they're like, oh, Jill. Yeah, these deliverables. Oh yeah.

No, they're looking really awful. We're going to have to circle back on Monday, I think. Yeah, start an email chain with Billy and Dean. Cause these are the projections here. They just have us. Oh yeah. No, yes. No. I haven't seen any of my children in months. Like those comes up with a just like scrolling like not as a cars. My thing is, um, laptops on a plane. I'm like, you can't even, you're not even connected to anything. What are you doing? There's wifi on planes now. Shit, are we?

Yeah, no, it's not. It's never good. I don't know. I don't know. You know, I flew a... You're doing some work on the plane, were you? I was Instagram. I'm a country influencer now, you know? I also, I mean, I was, I was debating, I was debating one of my laws being country music in the UK. No way. That's half his livelihood. I just don't. I'm a football fan so I get it but I just see like British people on cowboy hats and I just think you're a serial killer what are you doing?

But they look cool. They don't look cool they look mental. They look cool? No they don't. They look like you've been kept hostage against your will. It looks like you're on that, remember that fake in it? On channel 4 and it looks like a comedian's been told to be like a cow hustler. It just doesn't quite look right and then the boots and that I just think, oh no.

Where do we vote for you, Amy? Because I'm banging. This does not pass by the way. This does not pass by the way. I just don't think, I don't know, you can listen to the music and it's, it's always like not for me. It's, do you know what I mean? It's like, it talks about everything. You pick up truck, I want to go down to look at my cattle. I'm like, what you fucking talk about? You're bo Boston about the wifi in your plane. I reckon you're not far away from actually you're going to get one of those like American like van things are barely legal in the UK. I've already looked into getting a refurbished classic for Bronco. He wants a Ford. He wants the old J-mobile. You know, the man, you, you, I'm at the rep you have in the city now to

drive one of them around and that be acceptable. Boxwood green. I just don't, I just don't that green. I've never had, I think did you miss it? I did a, I did a one liner once and my one liners never do well, but it went mad because again, it's internet because people are so angry, but I did that thing about, oh, it's funny how Americans and British say things different because in America they call it trash. Whereas in the UK we call it country and Western music or something like that. I can't remember people got annoyed. Oh mate. I've, I've't remember. Oh, mate. I've, I've never had a comment section like I've, I didn't realize how popular it was over here. That's

massive. People are influences now, country influences. Well, how are you influencing the right now? I just get invited to stuff and as long as I get to hear me out, I'm happy. That's hard. There's a football. Is it, do you like the music or is it like a foot? It's like a toddler. There's a football, do you like the music or is it like a football thing where you get to dress up and be like a cowboy? Yes. Both. I love the music and that has led me to like wearing cowboys. And buying Broncos.

I'm not trying to be, and I'm really not trying to be a dick about it because there's like, I love like, like gaming and that and like obviously sometimes my like wife will see me with like the headset on and she'll be like this is the unsexist thing that you can possibly be doing but like is it like a repressed thing in you that where you're like I just want to wear a cowboy hat all the time and you can't so you've got to like pretend to like the music. No no because it didn't start with a hat it's the chicken and the egg thing that the music came first right and the music is the best. It's not a chicken and egg thing then The music came first. Right. And the music is the best music.

Well it's not a chicken and an egg thing then. It is. But you said the music came first. Yeah. The chicken and egg came famously as you don't know what came first. No I do, the egg came first. That's a load of bollocks as well.

That's for people who have got no critical thinking skills whatsoever. No, if the creation is God created chickens first, or if you're not, then eggs came first. No, no, that's not true. That's not in the Bible. The Bible says God created the heaven and the earth and the Bible chat. Surely you'd knock a couple of chickens out and then they fucked.

That's not in the book. You can't make a sum. That's new creationism. How do you know he didn't make eggs? I think if you're God, I think if you're God, if he made Adam and Eve as he's not going to he didn't give it wasn't, if he made Adam and Eve as adults, he's not gonna, he didn't give, it wasn't, he gave birth to Adam and Eve and Adam had to cut his umbilical cord and rolled about for a few years and then became Adam.

He made chickens? The grown up thing. He didn't make embryos for people. He made chickens? Well, I believe in evolution. So do I. Right, so the egg came first and then not? I think that too, but I'm saying if you're a creationist,

you believe chickens came first. There's a mad way to have that argument. What about if you're a creationist, you believe chickens. There's a mad way to have that argument. What about if you're a creationist, but you're not. It is very 2025 that the sort of chicken and egg turn of phrase becomes an argument between like creationists and eggs came first. What came first? The hat or the music? It's mad. If you're an influencer, I'll be the music. I just don't like the music and then it's like the commitment to it's mad. Here's the annoying thing.

So I was exactly where you are and he's just battered me into submission. I've been to his country days and you go some of this is class. Some of it's annoying and some of it is like my girl and I pick up and had a beer. God damn it. That's, you know, some of the is like, I took my girl and I pick her up and had a beer. God damn it. That's, you know, some of the show. Get the hat. Do you do the dancing?

What's that? Yeah, like the whole time. I've done a bit of line dancing. I don't mind that for like in Scotland you obviously wear the kettle you do like the dancing for like New Year and all that. Yeah, it's my shite. Yeah but it's New Year, it's what you do. What came first, the skaters or New Year? Just as offensive isn't it Ian? Well I'm a Christian so. Because it's his culture. Just as offensive, isn't it, Ian? Well, I'm a Christian, so...

Cos it's his culture. It's my culture. Are you actually... I didn't think you'd get... I'm not trying to be a dickie about it, I just don't get it. And then when you see... He's just a simple boy from Dovecote, Alabama. LAUGHTER I'm just a boy from Dovey, Alabama.

Duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh. A truck, my girl and a beer. And that's called beer. Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is I don't think you should treat a cafe as an office. do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do

do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do The country and Western thing wasn't going to come up. You know what? This is how fucking indoctrinated I am.

I'm now going, it's just country. Because I, this is us two years. The only reason we've not jumped on this is because we lost this war two years ago. Right. We went to Nashville because he just booked the flights on the toilet. Yeah. Was it, was it, I mean, I think I will get it. Maybe I'll get into set. Oh, just

go to Nashville. You know, we, me and you like so much of the same stuff is mental that I wouldn't like, you can't go to Nashville and not be like, everyone goes a bit cowboy autistic. Maybe I like a hat as well. That jacket's on its way. Yeah. You've got the color palette. Oh yeah. Say I'm, I'm six weeks away from one and a gun. What is that shirt? That's, it's, it's nice, but it also looks like you're working in like an American chicken shop. American hardware store. I was thinking, yeah, I don't mind that it's a car car heart and Marnie. You've never said car before. I don't have that out loud. That is a pod ladies and gentlemen. IanDoesJokes.com for his tour tickets. You can get them on Instagram as well. There's a podcast with

his wife Laura, which is a true crime podcast. Yeah. Murder, murder, murder, they wrote. Murder, they wrote. Check that out as well. What did they wrote? Special on Amazon. I've got loads of Adam Rowan friends on sale running a new hour. I was at the minute very excited about that. And we've got tickets left

for the Friday night. Murderers Row in Manchester. There's a few left for Leeds and very, very few left for Newcastle City Hall. We've nearly sold out the two and a half thousand rooms. Don't miss it. Such good stand up. There are a few tickets left in both of those rooms. We want to end that tour with a bang and it's not till May.

My Dan's Anthems event, my dance party all day at 4pm till 10pm at Content Liverpool where they do bongos bingo is less than a month away. So there's tickets left, get involved, can't wait. They're on my website, DonNightingale.com. Finn, have we got a song? Yes. I just want to say thank you for all the messages about Cherry, which was my tune that was on last week. The link's still in the description, so go and listen to it if you've not already. This week we've got a new artist. This is Fergie LH, Fergie with a Y, not like

the Black Eyed Peas. And this is the debut song, Talk It Out. Thanks Ian. You're welcome, actually. I think. I really want to get out of the house, walking in the country side. I really want to get out of the get out those I wanna see some gold I'm the one Talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk it out You gotta talk, talk, talk, talk, talk it out

Talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk it out You gotta talk, talk, talk, talk, talk it out You gotta talk, talk, talk, talk it out Our voices, clearly kissed Who really wants to talk about it? Who really wants to talk about it? Talk about it, it's hard to know And if you want to know enough, just watch how you go You should probably let it be, say they are close but no

You feel better Talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk it out Talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk it out You gotta talk, talk, talk, talk, talk it out You gotta talk, talk, talk, talk, talk it out You gotta talk, talk, talk, talk, talk it out Come on, mate, it's Monday, just got five o'clock. Why is the verse big on your mind to get off your chest? Things might seem hard when you're bound to wobble,

but you won't find them solutions in the bottom of the bottle. You've got to talk, talk, talk, talk, talk it out. And take it out on someone who needs to talk for themselves, knows talking can help. And take out someone who needs a soul, But who's sad, but who's losing it, Take your head off and tell him to stop He's got a soul, he's got a soul, He's got a soul, he's got a soul, He's got a soul, he's got a soul,

He's got a soul, he's got a soul, He's got a soul, he's got a soul, He's got a soul, he's got a soul, He's got a soul, he's got a soul, He's got a soul, he's got a soul, He's got a soul, he's got a soul, He's got a soul, he's oh, oh, baby, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Yeah! Oh yeah! Oh baby! Oh baby! Oh baby! Stop!