Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #323 with Marc Jennings - Have A Word w/Adam, Dan & Carl

Episode Date: April 6, 2025

Murderers Row tickets, merch and loads more available on our website! haveawordpod.comTickets for Have A Word Live shows as well as Adam and Dan's tours and previews:Adam's Tour: https://www.adamrowe.comDan's Tour: https://dannightingale.comDan's Anthems: https://www.skiddle.com/whats-on/Liverpool/Content/DANS-ANTHEMS---HAW-Dance-All-Dayer-4pm---10pm/40595747/Comedian's Club Chester: https://www.comediansclubchester.comDan & Finn's Karaoke Party: https://skiddle.com/e/40472096Listen to Finn's new single 'Cherry': https://FinnlayK.lnk.to/CherryAs Adam and Dan said, don't miss out on all of our extra content, we've got one of the best value Patreons in the game. An extra 90+ minute episode every week plus loads of bonus content such as the now infamous Lockdown Lock-ins, the Nashville & Amsterdam specials and our Ghost Hunts! What are you waiting for? Sign up now at https://patreon.com/haveawordpod​Get subscribed to Have A Word Highlights: https://youtube.com/haveawordhighlightsCheck out Finn's single 'Outskirts': https://FinnlayK.lnk.to/OutskirtsThanks to this week's sponsors:Lovehoney | https://lovehoney.co/word_podcastLove how you love and take 20% off site wide to unlock sexual happiness and discover a happier you with promo code: AFF-WORD20Manscaped | https://manscaped.com20% off with promo code: WORD20Sneak Energy | https://www.inflcr.co/SHHVlFuel different, drink Sneak.Manual | https://manual.coGet 45% discount on the initial at-home testosterone blood test kit with code: WORD45Merch:https://haveawordpod.comADAM ROWE and DAN NIGHTINGALE are two award winning comedians from Liverpool & Preston, respectively. They are two of the UK's most highly regarded stand-ups and have both performed all over the world. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What's happening lids, before we start this week's episode of the podcast, I've got to tell you my brand new stand up special What's Wrong With Me is out right now on the Have A Word YouTube channel. That's youtube.com slash have a word pod if you're listening on audio and if you watch it on YouTube, you're already there. It's the best thing I've ever done. The production value is insane. The reaction has already been insane.

And I only released it like an hour ago. So I'm very grateful to everyone who's going to watch it, but do us a favor. If you enjoy it, like it, leave a comment, and especially share it, put it in your WhatsApp groups, put it in your Instagram stories, spread the word for us. Let's blitz the views we did on my last special. I'm really proud of this one.

Not just the stand up, like obviously I'm proud of the hour of stand up that I wrote and it went well all over the country, but the amount of work and effort and attention to detail that will be and the rest of the team have put in to creating this product is just levels above, above anything we've ever done before. And I can't wait to see what everyone thinks of it. So what's wrong with me? Full standup special out now on the podcast YouTube channel. That's youtube.com slash have a word pod. Watch it, like it, share it.

Appreciate it. And I'll see you soon. Enjoy the episode. It's class. You know what that bell means, don't you Dan? Start of another brilliant have a word episode. Whoa, yes. And ring a bell if you've got the best Patreon in the UK. Patreon.com slash Have A Word pod.

If you're going to enjoy this episode, you are going to love being a patron. 30,000 lids, can't be wrong. For as little as three pounds a month, you get an exclusive episode every Wednesday. You also get early release of the video on a Saturday morning and then the specials call. So many specials. We've been around the world baby. I'm back. We've got drunken here and then we've been around the world. India, America, Amsterdam, Spain, we're going to Turkey. We're going to see the whole of the world and you can come along with us for just £3.

That is cheaper than a layer pack. Sign up and join the LID Army. Also, we're on a stand up tour, the Murderers Row stand up tour. There are a few tickets available in the remaining venues. So have a look at have a word pod dot com where you can buy tour merch. Also, if you like extra content on top of your extra content, we give you that. We've got film club Q&A's, all kinds. And me and Harry Robinson, I've got the sickest new podcast on the block, which is you that. We've got film club, Q&A's, all kinds. And me and Harry Robinson have got the sickest new podcast on the block, which is Mad That.

I've got a dance event in April, April the 20th for Dan's Anthems. DanNightingale.com for that. Adam's got some live shows coming up. There's loads of chances to see us, but it all funnels through the Patreon. Patreon.com slash Have A Word Pod. This episode, as well as many others like it, is an absolute belter. Three quid. You look good today. Thank you. I love you.

A lot of people say we don't get on an episode, but as soon as we're doing adverts, we're best friends again. Come here, you. Come here. Wag wag lids, you're listening to the funniest podcast in the game from the heart of Liverpool with Adam, Dan, Sensei Carl and Finn. This is the one and only Have Our Word. Brought to you by Manscape, the very best product on the market for below the waist grooming. Go Ed, get on me. Ow. Public episode. How's your mouth?

Oh, it's sore, Adam. Thanks for asking. Got a little implant in your face. I've got the first half of an implant. I thought you were getting, because I got one last year. I don't like that. I don't love it. Let's do it all in one. No, but did you go in yesterday thinking you were getting that? Because when I went in, I thought I was. I don't read the treatment plans.

As I'm saying, did you go in thinking, I'm getting it? I don't know. You can't. And I got too much stuff in my life where I have to be like, oh, this is this bill. And then someone's emailed about this fucking just you're a dentist. This is my mouth. Get it done. So what you say to go on. He went at one point, he's like, John, we've got to take you through several. Look, mate, this is how it works. You're a dentist. This is my mouth. The thing is though, if you ever several. See, look, mate, this is how it works. You're the dentist. This is me. The thing is, though, if you ever read one of them forms and gone, nah, it's always like, yeah, I'm gonna ask.

I'm asking you to do it. No, as if I'm going to get into it. Oh, hang on. In paragraph four, did you do the fucking thing? Did you operate any heavy machinery afterwards? Yeah, straight to the JCB plant. I am on quite a lot of drugs, So I might not be as razor sharp. What are you on? Are you on any good stuff?

Oh, what am I on? Something called ibuprofen that you'd know as a bufren. Oh, bufren. Paracetamol. No, I'm not on anything strong, but I'm mistaken. Come on. This is your prime chance to take some codeine. Demoxanil. What's that? Demoxanil. I'm on some sort of antiseptic. What's it called?

Antibiotic. Um, cause it's to stop it getting infected because he got stitches. He did stitches in my mouth. Just put a fucking new tooth on. What were we doing? Drilling into bone, which apparently is super strong. So eating cornflakes every morning has worked out just fine. I don't feel, I felt rough yesterday. I've never been

punched properly in the face. I can help you. That was a good one. Cool. Well, that's what I want because it hurts on this side. Level it out. I've shaken a left. Give us a right. So I got punched in the face when I was 16 by Sean Joyce and he lived to regret it. He lives in Africa now. She sounds like a gangster. Yeah. Joy, she's on the run, you know what I'm saying? I moved him continents with that punch. Yeah, he went teaching in China for a bit. And then he met a girl from South Africa.

But he knows that it's about the threat of this. But I've never been punched in the face before. Your mate went and taught in China and met a South African wife. Yeah. It's a fucking life-hunting thing. Cause they all do that international teaching program a South African wife. Yeah. So fucking my family is wild. Cause they all do that international teaching program that fucking old sensei did.

Where they're like, if you've got a degree, can you speak? Then these Chinese kids are gonna fucking love you. So he did seven years in Beijing. Seven years. Shanghai. Brother. Which one? They're both in China China you can have either Shanghai

yeah I think it's one it's one with the Chinese quarter no I didn't mean that they've got a Chinese full they've got Chinese for for four quarters oh for for after you know or is there like a it's a French quarter that's what I meant is there an England town in China that's what I was wondering is there an England town in China? That's what I was wondering. Is there an England town where you can just get fish and chips and shoes? They've got everything. Is there a little Italy? That'd be great. They've got a little what? A little Italy. There you go. Enunciate. I think they've got everything, haven't they? They've got all the world's money. They've got the world's money and they're the big dog. So they're making everything. They've got a fucking Bramley dog. They've got all sorts. They're just whatever they want. I tried to get away with it. He's all fucking pulled me off. Then you start to be so cool

and there's no, but it'd be just let's move to China. I'm Paul. What Paul is big Paulie for another stroke. Yeah. Well suspected stroke. Right. That's what a joke in the bars. That's why I was taken to hospital for. Yeah. That did stroke. Were you editing the episode? I'd come back here to. So what happened? You couldn't. Did I? I'm like quite a lazy boy. You couldn't see. I went, I was coming back here to edit the patron from the other day after band practice and it was so funny. You're like, we gave it the Jackaranda. That's what we're practicing for.

All right. You call it April. Right. Cool. Great. We're talking about you having a mini stroke and you're doing promotion within it. Yeah. It's a sympathy move.

Yeah. Nearly died, but luckily I'll be there on the 12th of April. I went to Tesco to get a ready meal for my tea because I know how to live. Um, and I was in Tesco and suddenly couldn't see further than this. Like everything was completely blurry. I had a little panic. I was like, Oh, this is it. I'm going blind. This is it. This is my time. It happens. Stumbled back here, phoned a one one one. They were like, like, are you, are you, I realized what was going on. They were like, are you, is your split is your speech slurred? Oh my God. I was like, no, it's my spleen's fine. Is one side of your face drooping? No. I can't

see. I was like, I really can't see though. They were like, yeah, you should probably go to hospital. Spent 11 hours in A&E through the night. That was fun. Um, and then the ending was, yeah, we don't know what it is. It's usually that as well at the end. Did you tell them all the stuff that you consume? Yep. We'd smoke. There's no point in lying to a doctor. They didn't say this is cause you have too much puff. No. We smoke and vege you go to sleep at half the in the morning. Is that not? That's actually recommended on the NHS. Is it? Yeah. What's the point in lying to a doctor really? Don't lie. Cause you want them to respect you. How many units of alcohol do you drink in a week? He was Greek. You never tell him. He was Greek.

I didn't want respect off that man. Did you not request another doctor? Maybe he gave you false information because he's like another Turk dead mate good for the economy. Why is it Turkish? Good for economy. Good for economy. Less Turkish, better Greeks. How would you do Greek? It's the same isn't it? No that's Italian. That is Italian. Hang on, do your Turkish, I'll do my Italian. No, I was doing Greek. No, you weren't, mate. Respectfully. It is hard to say. Do your Greek.

One less Turk in the world, better for the economy. Good, now do your Turkish. Hello, mate. They're close, aren't they? It's a... That's Spanish. It's a... Hello, I'm from Greece. I'm working on it now.

I'm well closer than him, by the way. Yeah, yeah. Hello, I'm from Greece. Oh, no, that's... Yeah, I don't know. I've got a Greek cousin. What? So my cousin Katie,

who's got like all the lizards and snakes and dogs and that. Is Greek? No, her daughter's half Greek. Right. Because she's shagged a Greek. Yeah we get it. We understood where that was going. Yeah.

Lomit want to have a Greek child. I'm sure, I've told you this before. He used to run the chippy. Oh yeah, the Greek chippy. Oh yeah, the Greek chippy. The half Greek chippy. How are you feeling? Are you over your spirits? I mean, in all seriousness.

I had a cherry coke for my birthday once. Hang on, we're just talking about chippies. Oh, the old sick can. Look cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got one for your birthday? I had a cherry coke. I had the chippy for my birthday too. And me mum was like, oh, it's his birthday. And he was like, tell you what, you'll have a can on me.

Sounds Greek. And me mom was like, I was just barely standing. He was like, I'll tell you what, you'll have a can on me. Sounds Greek. Yeah. So you had a suspected mini stroke. No, they ruled that out in the end. Oh, so you self diagnosed for. No, no, no, that's what the one one one was like.

You may be having a TIA. Oh, what? A TIA? That's a mini stroke. It's better than saying you'd have a stroke love because you'd panic, wouldn't you? A TIA? Yeah. I'm pretty sure that's what they said. TIA. Teeny eeny aneurysm. Transient ischemic attack. Oh my God. You try. Ischemic. John Connery. Sounds like you got own tits there love. Get yourself down to A&E.

It's just your baby tits coming off and your new adult ones coming on. But I've not been to A&E for... You look like you're laughing like a kareen. That did make me pull from his stitches. I've not been to A&E for like a decade. It's fun isn't it? It's on its arse isn't it? What? Let's not get political. No, but I mean like it's mad and it's not fun. There you go, welcome to the news.

There's a woman. I'll tell you what, A&E's on its arse isn't it? Yes. The NHS is underfunded and struggling. I've thought people might be being slightly dramatic, they're not. No? If any of them are underplaying it. The one doctor will fuck off. They thought you were having a stroke and they left you there for a long time. That would have been your fault. There was, there was, um, there was a few things that were fun during it.

There was a woman screaming for a long time, but they didn't see into it. Yeah. And then the, my favorite bit, there was a guy, uh, he must have, must have been in prison because he was with two police officers who escorted him everywhere. There might just be a billionaire who plays pays for protection. I haven't thought of that. Yeah. Who's in an 11 hour wait to judge. He didn't have a tear drop tattoo, but how many billions? Billionaires have got everything, but they haven't got tear drop tattoo, but how many billionaires have got everything, but they haven't got tear drop and then when you get the next smart, let people know someone, the nurse came out for to do triage triage. Yeah. Try triage speech. She was a hipster. Um, he wants to

triage and when, um, mr. Looked at the notes and Mark Owen and the jail guy quick as a flash went Gary Barlow has been seen right. Your next got a big laugh from the whole of it. The whole bushing. Which one's live love. Isn't Mark Owen? No, I'm thinking of Steven Gailey. You all knew they are the equivalent. They're the same in the band like the same like you're there. No, Mark. Mark Owens not dead. Is he not? See, it's still going. What he looks like now. It looks like a wizard. And they do like the, the triage people in there are like Mackeys people with the orders, aren't they? Like they do first ones like a calm one. And if you don't reply, it's a fucking Mark Owen. Mark Owen! I ordered an Uber Eats to A&E. That's, that's changed. That was great.

I had a- That's class actually. I never thought I was doing that. I got, it got to 4am and I was too hungry. So I ordered a jacket potato. That's all that was open. From Uber Eats? Yeah. Who's doing jacket potatoes at 4am? Your wife's fucking tragic. Potato. Oh. All right.

4am jacket potato. What a night. Great band. At that point, like, just have a fucking burger. Yeah. There's no models at 4am. Will you get hypnotized? I think it's doing my head in. I'm not doing it unless we're monetizing it. Right. We've recorded then. How did she do with your name when she tried to read out? Yeah, it wasn't good. Finley K. You were like, you know, she had a suspected stroke at the same time. Blood's done all fine. Everything's fine. No, but so I couldn't see. So you couldn't see what happened. They just went to, I dunno, get out. I couldn't

see for like, it was, it was really bad for about an hour. How'd you eat it? Like genuinely it was like, do you know when, if Steve purposely unfocused the camera like as bad as you can, so you can't see anything, I could see this far was clear. Did you not think of just going to Specsavers? Well my sight's fine now. At 4am. Do you know that? Get the Jackie Potato. Because they did it late about what time did I get seen by the doctor? When did you text me?

Like 7am, I just got seen by the doctor and he did like an eye test on me and he was like, your vision's better than mine. I was like, yeah, you're right. Maybe he's more sick than you though. I should have. It's awful by the way, but I am legally blind. So sequel, you might, was it an aura migraine? Did he have glasses on? Yeah. Imagine that your legs are better than mine. I've only got one. Your vision's better than mine. He asked to wear glasses. Maybe you need glasses. Just not as strong as his. No, no, no. He was doing the test. He was like, no, it's perfect. You see this finger? He was doing that.

How many do you think I've got behind my back? He was doing it. He's a bloody magician. He was doing all this gear. Did you have, was it an aura migraine? I'm going wanky. Can you see my fingers? You have the tunes on. Yeah. Club Latin classics. Hey, your eyes are better than mine, but I'm a better dancer.

Was it an aura migraine without the migraine? What's an aura migraine? Club Latin classics. Hey, your eyes are better than mine, but I'm a better dancer. Was it an aura migraine without the migraine? What's an aura migraine? So I get migraines. She's got such a good aura. I don't get the aura. She gets the aura where like you get like black dots in your vision basically goes. Basically, you know the way your vision is essentially, it's hard to think of it like

this, but it's sort of like a square, isn't it? Like you see it, there's like a, there's like a hard sort of, there's a depth of field that stops. Yeah. It's sort of like a square and aura migraine really sort of. You've got VR headset on. Yeah. No, it wasn't that. All right. I thought I was going to either go blind or pass out. Neither is ideal. Passing out is better. The new game from Mattel. And you win a 4am jacket potato. I feel all right. I had a bit of a headache yesterday. What are you? No, should I be? I probably should be, shouldn't I?

You should probably like just be minorly concerned because like. What's that going to do for you though? No, it's not. Maybe get them to book a health check in. No, they've sent me to the op op op tromino. What's that going to do for you though? Maybe get them to book a health check in us. They've sent me to the op, op, op, trom, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op,

op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, op, I said it. All right. Thank you. I think I've still like, I'm catching up on sleep. Um, ophthalmologist that, so they're going to check it. It's not, um, anything in the eyes. My mom's Google that and she was like, I'm not going to worry you. I was like, I can't say cool. I was like, well, you're going to have to tell me what you've Googled now. She

was like, it's probably a mess, but it's fine. Great. Cool. Probably me and you on the MS train. I haven't got it officially, but I think that doctor was full of shit. He's got it. All right. Good to have you back. Thanks guys. Don't die first. It would be weird.

No, thank you to Harry for covering my work because I would have been fucked. Well, he does it for everyone else. So you can't bury your children. It feels weird. I mean, you're the child of the party. The youth. Even the youngest though. I'm like fourth youngest nowadays. Give the vibe off though. You know, I do feel like that, which is the vibe I'm trying to put out there. You do your Spotify streams. The world are good. If I die. Oh my God. You got a year left. Oh, you've got, yeah. You've got Spotify streams, the world are good. If I die, oh my. You've got a year left. Oh, you've got, yeah, you've got to do another year. You'd be like Popsmo. If I die, well, can we like, can we do a posthumous album with raps on it? Yeah. Yeah. No, but he doesn't like

sing, does he? I'll do the thing. I'm not doing the rapping. I'll do the rapping. We get like guest features on the raps. Well, Biggie did that, didn't he? He had a posthumous like album. He'd already made them. Yeah, no, but like they were like half completed verses or something and then other people would jump in on them. Yeah, Matt Miller's been doing it for years. Tupac's been making songs for years. Yeah, because as soon as your mum gets involved, she's just putting everything out. She is greedy, isn't she? Tupac's mum. Tupac. Tupac. Is that what happened? I was just, there's fucking loads of tunes. Oh my God, I found a fucking cassette tape in the loft.

Get that out. Get Elton John on it. That's a number one. He loved that. One of the first songs I ever bought. Class. Was he dead when he did that? Was Elton John dead?

Were Tupac dead when Ghetto Gospel came out? Are you all right? Do you know what year that was, Harry? You were alive when that song came out? You were alive when Tupac got killed. I mean, full disclosure, I hadn't heard of it until everyone started singing it. You sang it at the Taj Mahal. You'd never heard of Ghetto Gospel? No. When did Ghetto Gospel come out? 2005? Yeah, exactly. I was four. I wasn't fucking with the Crips. What was I? Famously. Do you know how I did the video with that? 2004.

Oh. And two pack that and then you see. They released it to sorry, predicate Istanbul. They were like, something will probably happen here. Still got you at the end of it. Why am I here? You'll see. Would you be also, someone, if we just put out all your B and C list clips after you're gone?

Yeah, I'd be happy with it. That's what happened to Patrice O'Neill, innit? What? There's a Patrice O'Neill album called The Lost Tapes and it's just a collection of audio recordings of his stand up from when he was alive. All the ones that he didn't want put out? Yeah. I wouldn't want them put on my iPhone, notes out.

Yeah, can I just say this? Do you know if I die, can you all just like agree? Can I just have a pact with everyone in this room that like my laptop and phone and everything just gets like nuked? There's an app you can download. I can't remember what it is. So when you die? Where if you die or whatever. So when you die?

Where if you die or whatever and it knows you haven't been active for a second once in a time it deletes everything. Wow, that is going to be fun. When you lose something and it goes, ah this cunt's dead. Right, great, I've lost everything. Now it's your responsibility. Okay, I'll just burn it all. Yeah, just nuke it. It will look odd on my behalf.

Yeah. Hello love. Just knocking on, got a few bits of it. I know you're grieving. I know you, I'm going to need a laptop phone. I need to shoot out of all of his Liverpool shirts. He said he wants them all burnt. So I'm going to do that for him. Carl's little tribute. Get rid of the evidence. Fuck these fucking. Yeah. My notes apps just like schizophrenia. What's in your notes? What's in your notes? Talking to yourself, aren't you? No, I'm not.

What are you writing? We're writing for somebody else. We're writing notes for somebody else on your phone. Yeah, I know, but what you write notes for? We're standups. It makes, I know why we're writing. Like, don't forget this. It's all like, it's all-

Can you just scroll a bit and just read one, like a random one? Don't forget this. Before you do this, I'll tell you what's in mine, cause it is not what you're saying, by the way. So my top note is podcast schedule. My second note is old bits that I want to get recorded. The third one is Adam Rowan Friends,

all the lineups for that. The fourth one is an invoice template and the rest are just like standup clip notes and also my contract offer from boohoo.com. One of mine there was a practice message for an argument. What? As in I was messaging somebody in my life and I knew what their reply was going to be. So I was practicing the reply.

I can bang on as well. I did that in my head. I've done standard copy and paste. Wow. Otherwise I did that in my head. I've done stand-up. Just like a copy and paste it. Wow. Otherwise I'll get in the mission and be all emotional and be like, no, no, I've already fucking. Did you AI it?

It's like when Kendrick replied to Drake the same day, it knocks them off their stride. Oh, you've said that, boss. Oh, so you weren't in the argument. You sort of- No, the argument's been gone. You were preemptive. Like you're like, this conunt's going to kick off about

this. They kicked off first, I replied and then I preempted his reply with just a fucking absolute over the kick. It is like if I say four things and I know what your four retorts are going to be, so those four things and maybe a little fifth one that I know you're going to say, because I fucking know you. And you send a fucking massive thing and I scan it and I'm basically right. And I within a second have a fucking similar length replies, which would be like copy paste. Yeah. Oh, I'm putting my phone down and having a walk.

Yeah. They don't want to like, oh, it's like how Kendrick won that beef. Cause you replied the same day. Didn't have any fucking breathing room. Was that was Kendrick like first to, No, so Drake replaced the family matters and then a couple of days between them. But Kendrick released not like us. I was like, so like it was like I'm gonna fuck what you're saying. I'm still saying this. And I was like, oh shit. With the best song of the beef.

Yeah. Five Grammys later. And a Superbowl appearance. Still getting talked about. I've got stupid things. The band at the blues kitchen were doing all Kendrick. They were doing all Kendrick. It was sick. Pretty cool. I felt very white doing Do an a minor. You fucked a kid. Makes you feel white. It's a white. That's our shit. You're doing cow just all the stupid things. Seneca said as well. Also you're recording silly things. Sarek has said as well. Also you're recording silly things. That's cute.

Are you doing that? Any of that in your speech? I am now. I've just got to sit in our speeches going to get recorded. Could we try and go viral for groom and best man super speeches? I mean, I can set a little camera up if you want. Yeah. I think that'd be class. It's that right, man. You're cheating. You're practicing your best man's speech in front of 2000 people at a time. And by the way, it fucking rips. That I haven't watched much of the murderers row, but I watched you on Friday in Manchester. It's some of the best stand up I've ever seen you do.

It's really fucking lights out. It's incredible. I'm happy. And a bit of it is, is best man's speech. I'm so glad. Selleck has seen it and she's fine with it as well. Yeah, cause she's sound. It's a bit exquisite. Also you can't tell him not to do it cause it'll do it. Exactly. It might spell be okay with him. If I say don't do it, it might get worse. He's already got the paragraphs in his notes. It's not right man. I'm your vows.

Yeah, you do. Cause it is less than two weeks away. And how traditional are we going with the vows? No, but like what's my, you know, I know we're meeting up next week and we're going through it, but I'm going, Hey, he fucking loves you. What'd you say about that? Where you're essentially doing it as father of Lillie. That's what Sarah wants. She wants me to take the yellow tinted glasses. Oh, yeah. It's not. She's fucking banging.

We're doing traditional files and have purely, do you, what is it, better for worse or lack of? Do you, for better or for worse. To never look at another woman's asshole apart from this one ever again. Is that one of them, yeah? Traditional. Traditional, yeah.

Yeah. Don't be a dick about the kids. Don't be a dick. What church are you being married by? The church of Dan. Is that a thing? Yeah. When you, when you, if you're doing proper vows at some point it must be. Who's marrying you in Liverpool? A registrar. They're not affiliated. Oh well then no the asshole thing's. It's just a fucking traffic warden on a day off. It literally is yeah.

Yeah. A civil enforcement officer. You've got to tell them a month before as well and if you don't you can't get married. Why don't you just get him ordained and get him to do that one as well? Pay for the person though. Ah. Oh. So you've got the day off here.

It's cool. The 14th? Yeah. Yeah it is. Of August. I'm so excited for the whole weekend now that we've booked our hotel. Oh yes. I mean, I don't got a fucking bastard of a hotel booked for the weekend. We're staying in the hotel for this Liverpool wedding weekend with a spa in the basement.

Hang on. You and him are staying together through his wedding night? Adam is staying with his partner. I'm staying with my... Right. Cool. Cool. Cool. It sounded like you just got a really sick twin room. I know you're married but it's our weekend as well. We are. We are. We'll bring the PlayStation and that. Oh yeah. But like in the morning I'm leaving us and then Adam's partner's getting ready with mine and we're going to go and do boy shift for the day. Get our haircuts, get our nails done.

But it's fine. Are we still using partner even though she's been named on the pod a couple of times? I was just saying that. I was just playing it. She's transitioning so it is going to be partner. Keeping the same name. So the name's fine. Yeah. They're going to, the girls are going to get ready and we're going to go get a massage, an air course. Sorry. It's so 2025. Yeah. And what's wrong with that? No, it's nothing wrong with it. When you get a manicure as well, the girls are going for a couple of pints. We're going to get a manicure. They love a boon and they get on. They're all right. They play snooker together. They're not lesbians. Your hands

are very on show. So I'm getting a couple of manicures. Oh yeah. Cause you're doing close up magic. It's your wedding. I'm on Penn and Teller that week as well. I don't want to get caught. Your hands are on show. Yeah. Like pictures of your hands are very common at weddings. The absolute best thing I've done by the way is book the hotel for the day after as well. We didn't do that. We're going to check out at whatever time this hotel tells us, but we're just going to have a nice day. We're going to eat what we want because we're currently depriving ourselves of nice food. But Carl was like, I've got a hotel booked for the Friday and Saturday. Why don't you

book on and then we can do all this stuff. But I've booked Friday, Saturday and Sunday because the day after his wedding in Liverpool, which is the big party one. I'm not going to want to wake up the next morning and check out of a hotel and drive home. 100%. I just want a fucking slot for the day. It's really good. A wonderful hotel. So just to make it clear for everyone, there is a Tuscan three-dayer, brilliant. And then there is also a little, so if you're getting confused, Carl, who didn't want a

wedding is having two. And this is the Liverpool one. The second one is like, were you on Italy? No, come to this one, have a big party. And just to let you know, Laura at the moment has decided that she's going to drive, we're going to drive together and she's going to get a babysitter at home. And then about 10 o'clock is going to go home. No. Yeah.

You're going to leave at 10 o'clock? I'm not. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no I saw it on a TikTok and I agree with it. You read an article? If you're leaving the wedding, so like not you, because you should be there till the fucking very end, aren't you? Don't come and say bye. Because some couple were like, we spent an hour going, oh, thank you.

And you basically waste the bride. I mean, it's not a PSA for the fucking listeners, but we're going to say, if you leave, just leave and then text us saying you had a good night. I can do all that for you as a- Personal security? Leave the fuck off. That's one of my juices. I can do all I fear as a personal security. Leave fuck off. That's one of my duties.

I just, we don't need to be like, we're going to thank you. We know you're fine. You're firing people's instinct there. I think the older they are, the less likely. Yeah, there's only a perception. I think what I'll say for you, or what I would suggest I would say for you, obviously I'll say whatever you want,

but is I'll go look, Colin said I could have asked, if you are leaving, don't feel obligated to go and say goodbye. They don't want to spend their whole party saying goodbye to everyone. So if you do just want to Irish exit and leave, they are more than happy with that and would actually encourage it. It'd be so good if the whole room just got up and fucked off. Jesus, that's not worked out. There's only six of us left. Because you end up spending the last hour.

Yeah, you do. And then you're like, well, I've fucking spent me time. I've said it before. It's like a presidential rally. How much like glad handing you off. That's going to be the first time we do that. Like that party is essentially playing that game of like, thank you so much for coming.

People want to say goodbye. I know, but I'm saying if we can curb it a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just keep to a fist pump. Don't even say anything. Oh lad we're going. I'm going to be dancing. I'm so excited for this you know like I've always been excited for it but I've got my hotel booked for after the wedding in Florence as well. We've just added a gelato cart for the first night as well. Yeah. First night unlimited. Tell me about that. Is it unlimited pizza? Unlimited pizza, ice cream and drinks. Unlimited pizza, unlimited ice cream, unlimited booze.

I am coming back from Tuscany one fat fuck. I can't wait to run around Tuscany. I'm really in me run era. He asked me where I'm going. With a free bar, free pizza and free ice cream. I'm still going to run every day in Italy. It's gorgeous as well, like you couldn't run in a better place. I've done 5k every day for the last eight days.

Today I'll be number nine. What about if you get to Tuscany and do no K? You know? I'm not going to do that. Well, why don't you just get drunk with your mates and enjoy it? I will. Why don't you just enjoy the hangover and then get back on it? But you're going to put a 5k.

Why do you want me to be fat? I don't want you to be fat. Are you jealous of my body? Of course. I've seen it. Why don't you just keep eating and stay in bed? I'm not having a TIA. I've seen that body. I just, in my head, I love that you're doing the 5k every day,

but then you get to Tuscan, you go, I'm just going to chill out for this bit. No, I think I'll... You'll enjoy it more if you're doing it as well. Yeah, and also way better to run them around a vineyard in Tuscany. Did I say in the pub? No, there's no one else, there's nothing there but fields of olives. I'm excited to do it. Running in the field. Grapes. Sounds fucking awful. Yeah I cannot wait. Also I found a place in Florence on TikTok that does the best affogato in the world.

Oh, Laura's found it as well. They charge six euros an affogato and they sell something like two thousand a day. What's affogato? It's gelato and then they put coffee in it. It's an espresso in the middle of an ice cream. In the middle of a vanilla ice cream, essentially. Sounds nice. We're all going to Florence. We're all going to be... I. But I think you're there on Thursday. I think most of this company is in Florence

separately. It's going to be really weird as we are you going. Are you staying after the wedding to go to Florence? It's Laura's birthday. We've got a really good value. Yeah. Oh, six. We're all going to be in Florence. I get there on the Friday. Are you coming to Florence? I'm going to tell me. You're going to tell me. They've got great affogados. I didn't know we were all going to be there. That's maybe even more excited. Yeah. You should get the train together. In my head. This wedding is a day of me and Laura together on either side of three days of a really fun wedding with my mates. Have you gone to Florence for a day? Just Florence for a day, it's Laura's third and ninth birthday. We're there and back for the day. So we're going to get on the coach to Pisa after the wedding and then get the train from Pisa to Florence and we're there Thursday

till Sunday morning. Sunday morning, get up, get back to Pisa, put our bags in storage, do a day in Pisa and we fly home late Sunday night from Pisa. Nice. Have a nice couple of weeks, we fellas. And right up until then, I've got a lot of shows. If you want to come and see me do stand up in the next week. When will this go out publicly? Monday. Yeah. So Thursday this week, I'm in Manchester, two shows. Friday I'm in Manchester, two shows. They're both sold out. Saturday the 12th, I'm in Hot Water, half nine, one show.

And Sunday I'm in Chester, but that might be sold out now. Flying out Monday morning. Yeah. Nice. I've got a packed old week. Oh, we all on the same flight then? Pretty much. Most people are on the flight.

Jack and his Mrs are definitely on my flight. Yeah, there's about 30 people on the flight. Class. All right, we're excited for the wedding. It's gonna be good. See you in a bit. FanDuel Casino's exclusive live dealer studio has your chance at the number one feeling winning which

beats even the 27th best feeling saying I do who wants this last parachute I do enjoy the number one feeling winning in an exciting live dealer studio exclusively on fan duel casino where winning is undefeated 19 plus and physically located in Ontario gambling problem call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connexontario.ca please play responsibly I need to eat I'm hungry and I need to eat. I'm not having many carbs. I've had a couple in the last few days. I've had two baked potatoes on a little bit of rice. Doesn't feel good, but it feels all right.

I'll be really happy with it if I lose another three kilograms before we fly to Italy. I haven't eaten a carb in nine days. I'm still exclusive to carbs. We should do a musical episode. If you're enjoying this public episode, you should sign up to Patreon. It's the biggest in the UK and one of the biggest in the world. Don't be a pub sign up for three quid. 30,000 people can't be wrong. They get an extra episode early accidents, every month a Patreon special and the entire back at the log. I can tell you about that lot. A couple of ghost hunts and some many lock ins. We went to Amsterdam and then again

We went to Amsterdam and then again, and then we went to Nashville. It's three specials law. Make sure there's a couple of roasts and loads of all the stuff there as well. Make sure you go to patreon.com slash have a web pod. If you go to the Apple store, they'll take the lot. 30% more Carl sings Indian. Just make sure you go to the website. Don't go to Apple store. You will pay more. Okay. Sign up. Where's home? Where's home? James says, lads, with it being grand national season, season, if you had to buy a have a word horse to race in the national, If you had to buy a have a word horse to race in the national, what would it be called? And which of you would be the jockey and the trainer, et cetera? Are you new here? Let's not go with the obvious less Dennis.

Adam's not. Adam's the jockey. I can't be the jockey. Oh, it's gotta be done. Six six. He's too big to be a jockey. Six three. I just, I've just seen you with horses. They

haven't yet. You've got to like that. Sound up a page in the golf slash. Oh yeah. Oh cowboy Adam. Oh, that pussy going to be wet. Um, you've got to be the jockey. I don't know. You're more aerodynamic as well. Oh thanks. because I won't wear a helmet. I just won't, because it'll mess up my stubble. How much difference would be like a 6-3 jockey beat to all these little guys? I don't know, because no one's ever fucking done it. I think in Formula One, you know, those big drivers, that's not a good thing. They like the little guy. With jockeys, I've never seen anyone that is a 4'11". This is where shorter people get. No, but they haven't. They raise pigs though, don't

they? I don't think I'm sure. I don't mean actual dwarfs. There's been a six foot one winner of the grand national. What year? Uh, his name was Bruce Hobbs. Let me, Hobbsy. What 1898. Watch this. What 1898. It was 1938. Small people back then. Everyone's getting ready for the war. No one gives a fuck about the only horse that wasn't smoking. Was he like a cause when did the war kick off? 39. Yeah. So was he like a champion? Was he the grand national champion for a decade? Yeah, he must have been. Old Hobbsy. Yeah, he was 17 when he won it.

What was the name of the horse? He's still growing. Battleship. Oh, his foresaw what's coming there, you know. Died at sea. What, do you still grow after you're 17? You're not fully grown at 17, are you? You go to 18, don't you? Is it just 18? I thought it was 21. Your ears never stop. Do you still grow after you're 17? You're not fully grown at 17, are you? You go to 18, don't you?

Is it just 18? I thought it was 21. Your ears never stop. Your ears and your nose carry on growing. And your cock. Have you seen Robert De Niro's side profile? Is it wild? It looks like he works at Gringotts.

Is it getting bigger here? It's absolutely unbelievable. But you shrink as well as you get older. So you're shrinking while your ears and nose are getting bigger. You don't shrink, your posture gets so bad that it looks like you have. All right. And do you know the bad guy from training? Not the bad guy, do you know the old guy from training day, the drug dealer?

Yeah. Oh, that one. He's in white Lotus. It's on the day. His ears are bigger than his head. He looks like a field mouse. It's ridiculous. I've got to show you this one.

I've never seen anything like it. It's ridiculous. I've got to show you. I've never seen anything like it. It's mad that your hearing gets worse as well. Cause you think it's like sonar. Sonar. Wow. The reason I said I went to an MMA event, an amateur MMA event and a blind disabled person. It's fucking ears! What the fuck! They're so large! Mad, he had such small ears. Is it the side, the comparison with... From Taxi Driver. I'll slide that in.

I mean they've not just been growing. They also look like they've moved much further down his head. They're fucking sliding off. They look like Paulins. Can your ears move? My ears move when I smile. Everyone's does. No, like a lot. You should write a song called Make My Ears Move about being happy. Go on. You don't smile like that. No, fine. They do, they move when I do that. Yeah, everyone's gonna use literally on moving. No, they are. I can see them moving. You should write a song called make my ears move. And it's about like someone making you smile.

You make my ears move. That easy. That should have done. This is my ears move when I smile. And also when I get electrocuted, they do some fucking moving as well. My hair moves when I smile. Oh, flex. I once went to a, this is not really to do is now. Did you go to an amateur MMA event by any chance? And a blind disabled fellow for careful. By the way, second words, not necessarily there. Yeah. Blind disability. Well, he had downs as well. Fucking hell.

But I didn't want to hit the nail on the head. How much were the tickets for this? It wasn't headlining. That's two of spades, seven of diamonds. So he fought a professional MMA fighter and obviously the professional MMA fighter, it was like a... Hang on. Did he, was he mentored or did he just wander in? He just started chatting too much shit and they were like, get in here now. Did he take him down? Well, so this is the thing. So he fought this MMA fighter and the MMA fighter was like, it was obviously this lad's

like make a wish. But they had whole like packages beforehand to like big up the fight fight and they interviewed the MMA fighter and he was like, I don't know how he does it. He must use so now and then the disabled fellow one, why did he be smart? He's blind and he won an MMA fight. I mean, I think the guys threw it. Yeah. He tapped out to like to hug. I think the fellow won by hug. But yeah, that's why the sonar thing was in my head. Right. Can you imagine if the guy misread it and just paste them? You've got to meet like at least make it a little bit real. Does that hold his record? Um, I think it was unsanctioned. It was a

sanctioned professional because I tried to make a bet on it and they wouldn't accept that. Should have marble one and oh, where was this? Uh, it was in, uh, blackburn. I think the fellow was scouse. We fought, I think. But yeah, I think it's inspirational. That tickets either way, the five or five grand. I've watched two of those kind of fights. I'm all for giving people the props they deserve, especially when they were dealt a fucking bad end in life.

But in what way is that inspirational? Someone let him win them. Because he didn't know and he started running around going mad on the, I mean like with a bit of help. You want to do? You want to be allowed to win a fight but not know you've been allowed to win it and then run around going mad. And he was like chatting shit like after the thing he was like I'm the best in the world and we were like yeah.

No it's class and it's sweet but it's not inspirational. It is inspirational. Who is it inspiring? What is inspiring you to do? Getting to MMA. No, it could be inspired. If he can win, anyone can win. He didn't win. He did. He got his hand raised. No, it should inspire other people who are disabled to be like, I can win. It's not inspiring you. I mean, but the jury's out on whether I'm disabled or not, to be fair.

And your eyes aren't that good either. Exactly. You're halfway there. Well I once was in a basketball team and we played a game. No! What basketball team were you in? There was 11 people in your whole school. No no so when I went to the US the journalism department had a basketball team called Full Court Press. Sexy that.

They basically thought of the name and were about, yeah. And, um, and we, and I was a part of it, but I've like, I'd never, they, they can play basketball. Like we can play football. I mean, I'm saying that I can't really play football. They all know how to dribble. Whereas I'm like, you know, you've got to watch it a lot. And we were getting, we were getting battered. Chose again, like that slow baller. But we played against a team who for, for the context of the story were African-American and they pasted us. They were. Yeah. Yeah. And just, and we were just a bunch of white journalists, but they

sent me on at the end to be like, have a run around because I didn't really get many minutes because we were competitive. You just run around. Well, this is the thing. So they were like, listen, did everyone let you win by cuddle and then you got a big chair. They were like this, like this, like from, from England, he can't play basketball. Let him get a bucket. It'd be great for, they had someone filming it. Does that mean like throw a shot? They let me go to the basket and pick up my own rebounds and throw. I didn't score. How long did you have? Four minutes, five minutes.

Five minutes. I swear on my mum's life, the game ended. Why didn't someone just pick you up? I scored in the later games in the season because we had a whole season of it. I managed to flug a shot, but that game and I had to go shake the fellas hand. But before that, I watched a video of a lad with downs and they let him score a bucket and everyone jumps and celebrates. And I was like two and a half minutes in, I was like the down syndrome lads doing better than me here. Yeah. Yeah. Cause they've got

learning difficulties. They haven't got basketball difficulties. Oh, he was balling. That's really good. I like it. Don't let it stop you. You could be in the NBA. Do you want to find out if your son's got basketball difficulties or not? Is he from Wigan in Oklahoma? Yeah. I think I'm in minutes after that. I was, I was the whiteboard holder for a couple of games. I went to a wheelchair basketball club one time. That was difficult. You joined? No, my sister was playing. My sister played wheelchair basketball for a few years. I didn't question it. Just did question it. But your sister doesn't need the use of a wheelchair. No, no, no, no. But

they had a spare one and she's up for a laugh. She's quite tall. She could play basketball. Yeah. Yeah. Are any of them know better? Are any of them like, you know how like wheelchair foot was electrified? No, hurry. Cause wheelchair football like not going down that road again. It's all, it's all manual, but that was, it was, it was difficult. Are they smashing? Yeah. Yeah. I was covered in it. Is it called like mayor the ball? Yeah. Mayor the ball. Yeah. I was talking to Jack Hunter Spivey. Spivey. Spivey. I don't know whether he knows that. I was talking to Jack Hunter, whatever his name is, the other day. Cool. And he just, he said a lot of shit that I just didn't agree with. There's a film coming soon. And he suggested, and I think this would be great

if we did a Paralympic special led by him. So we would do sort of wheelchair versions of sports led by him in competition. And we might gain an understanding for just how hard and technical what they do is. Jack Clonid Spiver by the way is a Paralympian table tennis player. Yeah, medal winner. Olympian. A lid.

One of the good guys. He's class. He wants us to get in wheelchairs and do the basketball and play all the Paralympic sports. All of them. Wheelchair high jump. I genuinely don't know what the... He got me with a good joke. He said, there's blind table tennis. And I was like, that's incredible how does that work? And he said, and I believe this. He said, there's a guy

dog on either end. It barks, I tell you where the ball is. And you were trying to be sound about, God, that's amazing. I went, that is insane. It's also a lie. I was like, are you kidding me? That's amazing. You've got to go over your back. So you know it's the archie.

And that sounds all right as a potential special. I want him to be in every shot of every film. So nothing can be clipped out without him. I do think he has to fully lead that. Yeah. Do you want to hear some of the events? Yeah. Well, para taekwondo. I don't know what they do because taekwondo is the kicking sport. I think that para taekwondo. Yeah. It might say in my head it was wheelchair taekwondo. Yeah. It, in my head it was wheelchair Taekwondo. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just Taekwondo, but you're really anxious about it.

There's wheelchair fencing, which is just jousting it. Just kicking the air, hits someone's nail. Just fucking... You just worry that like... Can Jack Hunter spy VB here for this conversation? Would you do blind football? That seems solid. That looks really fun. There's a bell on where the bells in the bells in the dog box. Say with the ball, the bell of the ball. And yeah, who's is that bit where the ice cream van turns up and they

all fuck off after it. Paracycling, paracanoe, paraajudo. Paracanoo is a nice cocktail as well. There's wheelchair rugby as well. Tag rugby isn't it? Isn't it like where they've got like the things to tackle them. You want to take the tags. Is that not the one that's called murder ball? Oh, I thought it. I'm pretty sure wheelchair rugby is murder ball. Cause I think they still crash. Everything is para something apart from murder ball. It's like commonly known as like they like they fucking they try and get each other out of the chairs. They knock into each other. There's some specialist sports as well though. There's goal ball and there's botcha,

which sounds like bread. Botchy ball is a surely. It's called botcha. Botcha is What's your ball is a surely it's called botcher. Botcher is all you need to know about the botcher. It looks hard. I don't know. You can play golf. Surely the same. You can play anything. Surely. Don't see why. Botcher is a Paralympic is a precision ball sport similar to Bucky. It's like, it's't know. It's like Bocce. Don't worry, if you didn't know what Bocce is. It's like balls.

Yeah, Bocce Bocce. It's like, it's like. It's Parabocce. What are you doing today? Yeah, Bocce Bocce, Bocce Bocce Bocce mate. That's what I'm up to. I'm gonna be Bocce man myself. Bocce myself lad, Bocce Bocce Bocce.

It's like balls, but sat down. We could bring cheese balls into the parallel world. Paralympic cheese balls, yeah. Go and watch Amsterdam too for the reference. Right, well I'm into it. I see some potential risks, but if we're all signing off, let's do it. I think if it's in partnership with like team, like Para Team GB. If they get involved, it'd be fucking legit.

We're golden. Um, Chris says, boys, I'm sure you know about the myth of Achilles and I was weak spot was his heel because that's where his mother held him when dipping him into the river sticks. Is that yeah, with the, with the Y to make him invincible. My question is if you had to get dipped into the river sticks to become invincible, but My question is, if you had to get dipped into the River Styx to become invincible, but one bit is left exposed as your weak spot that you need to protect, what area would you be dipped from? Me gooch.

Everyone's gooch is weak, I think you may as well. Everyone's gooch is so well protected though, isn't it? Exactly. When have you got your gooch out? Exactly, you see. I mean, at least a few times a day. If you sit on a bike, you're screwed. No, it's weak. It's the same gooch I've got now. Yeah, but it's fragile. It's a fragile gooch. It's not invincible.

He just won't fight with his gooch. Yeah. No, but with Achilles heels, like if anything touched his heel. No, it was a nano. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, it's my gooch right now. I fucking feel it. It's a great shot. I think gooch is the only answer to the body. How is someone dipping you from your gooch though? Everyone, everyone shaves their bar me. I'm the only one that can actually be dipped by the gooch. Hang on by the way, baby, we're all talking gooch, but surely the testicles is far more sensitive. I think we're forgetting the show. And you can't be tested by your testicles. They're also more exposed. I'd rather have invincible bollocks than an invincible gooch. I can follow you in the bollocks right now. I'd struggle to get the gooch if you

close your legs. Right. It's a great point. What about a bit that you don't really need at your thumb? Sorry. Your appendix. Most important, like limb, the most important part of any limb you've got. Wait, what's the finger that we don't need? Little finger. I got it. Your man needs all five. That's unnecessary. You still fish. It's got to be good. It's got to be gooch. It's got to be gooch. It's supposed to protect the party body on purpose. I'm sorry to kill you question, but gooch was the top answer. I said if he says gooch, 100. Different by the gooch will be hard though. No, it'd be like, you know, when you get, you know, when you get like, you know, when

like cubs are bitten, like grabbed by the mum by the neck, just get you by the gooch. How much Greek like mythology do you know? Is that something you're into or not? Absolutely not. I know about Trojan horses. Yeah. Helen was fit. She was the fittest bird in Troy. It's Medusa that. Yeah. Is that Greece? Yeah. And all the gods used to kiss each other, but they were all like brother and sister. There was one, there was a god that, one of the Greek goddesses gave birth to a god and he was so ugly, she kicked him to like earth and he got uglier. Every podcast, every, every mountain that he hit on the way down and then became some bounce on that and also became a blacksmith and then was allowed back up because he was

boss at blacksmithing. Um, it's just an interesting story. I don't know. I mean, have you seen Hercules, the underrated 1990s? I love Hercules as a kid. I'm a cool last film. Jack do them. There's the Minotaur, which was a man with the bulls. I tell you what though. I watched the, what was the Jeff Goldblum thing recently where they did where they did ancient Greece and dress it part. I watched that and it was really good. Recently. Okay. The 19th was he's coming home and friends. He's Zeus. I can't remember what it was called. It was really good. Yeah. That was it. That's

all bloom. Changing like a fine wine. Isn't he? Oh, he looks the same as he did in 1998. Cool as well. I'm the NMN meet with me. He's still doing that? Yeah. And now it's time for Adam's health update. And you have gold blooms. My recovery is pretty good. Like I'm doing 5k every day and it doesn't feel a problem.

And I've never been able to do that. Normally a day after a run I'm fucked. And I haven't been. Get on the men. I have a picture of health at the minute. It's called chaos with a K. That was it. I like Troy. Troy is one of my favorite films ever. The film Troy with Brad Pitt. Have you seen they're doing a Once Upon a Time in Hollywood sequel? No, they're not. They're doing a sequel. Are you sure that wasn't a

no? I swear everyone thought it was. Tarant Tarantino's written it. David Fincher's directing it. Whoa. Nah, not going to be real. It's in development. He doesn't do sequels. Where did you see this on deadline? When? April 1st. No, no, right. Genuinely. It came out on April 1st and they had to go, we know the date. This is genuinely real. We have to break this now. And it's carried over to yesterday. So it is real. No, I don't believe that. Sick.

He doesn't do sequels. He did kill Bill as two parts, which wasn't a sequel. It was always going to be two parts. And he's only got one film left, which is the film critic. But he's not directing it. He's not directing it. It's an empire.

I mean, David Fincher's direct one time in Hollywood sequel written by Quentin Tarantino. And it's got the Caprio, Margot Robbie but I'm putting it as well. Sick. My favorite films ever. And it's got the Caprio, Margot Robbie, Brad Pitt in it as well. Sick, my favorite films ever. It's one of the most aesthetically pleasing films. Apparently it's just gonna be Brad Pitt. Maybe a cat.

It's got Margot Robbie in it as well. No, no, it's just the people that attacked. Oh, right. Cause Sydney Sweeney's in it, the first one. And my dreams. It's time to have a word with Adam and Dan. Tell us all the problems you have with your friends. This was gonna be your whole podcast. Now it's just the final ten percent. Brian says, have a word with my neighbor please lads. He was doing his garden and

has to borrow my strimmer. We're friendly with each other so I obliged even though the strimmer is an expensive one I only got it last year. Long story short the daft bastard tried to strim a rock and broke it. He was very apologetic and said he'd replace it to make it better. He knocked on my door the other day and has replaced the strimmer with some cheap plastic shite from Argos that looks like it's going to snap in half. If I, uh, if I look at it too hard, would I be wrong to kick off and demand he get me a like for like streamer? Have a word with him lids from Brian. There's something to me like last year. It was only with a tape measure though. How good was your tape measure? No, I borrowed someone's tape measure in the road. It was, it wasn't the best. I broke

it like instantly because I don't, you pull it too far. It doesn't go back again. I was like, oh, so it's a B and Q and bought it. I'm measuring the garden. It's got a lot of time in his hands. I was getting the water and that's to being Q. That was like the after bit of like a financial advert. Got a better one, much better. This was a five meter fella. I got it. She kicked off. No, she didn't answer the door. So left with a note. I'm getting, she's never asked me again. So guessing she was happy, but I felt like a dick head. I was like, Oh, Oh, as long as you got a better one, you can't get a worse one. You got to go at least the same

model. Yeah. This is horrific. By the way, I'd have caused murder on the doorstep. I'd have been like, what the fuck stop. Why is he streaming a rock? No, I'm guessing stream all the rocks. You want me to fucking stream about something Muhammad Ali would say. I could stream a rock. I could pull a T-Mas. I could stream a rock. Cat Williams isn't it? Is that not Muhammad Ali's character? That was his original name, wasn't it? Yeah. Changed it from cat Williams to Muhammad Ali. Yeah. That's the sporting history. That's what happens famously. He used to be. Most people think he died. He didn't. He became cat Williams. Catius Williams. I think you need to get him at least like, I went up because I felt bad and I thought maybe she's got like an emotional connection to this same measure. Oh Oh well then don't lend it out.

That's what he used to measure Brian's dick with before he died. Such an insane choice of name. But yeah, it broke as well because it was Brian Adamassit. No, he's the guy who passed in our road and she lived next door to him. And she was measuring the neck of his head. No, you made that bit up. No I didn't. I meant to say a deceased husband, Brian. No, I thought maybe, you know, Brian lent it to me. So that's Brian's and that's what

went through my head. How well does your street get on that we've got a street fucking tape measure? It's not a street tape measure. It's not like it. I thought it was Brian's and hers. He said he was worried it might have been Brian's and he gave it away like a diamond wedding animation. Which is what they want. And it tape measures. Measure me cock with that love. He cannot anybody's own arrow can get some. How long when was the last time you think you measured your penis? Cause we've all measured our penis. Teens. Gotta be. We had the competition in uni. All the lads went away and measured

it. What's the competition? You had the longest dick. You can't go away and measure it as well. I just lied. All the lads in full court press and the opposition. The opposition won. Imagine if you managed to win that. Couldn't make a basket in four minutes. We had the biggest cock. You've got to have a big cock. Well, it's a one of the lads came back and set. He had blatantly like we'd all wait pause. Did you all have your own tape measure? Yeah. No, you didn't. You turned up to a party with the tape measure in your pocket. No, no, it wasn't tape. So we went into our. So I think I used like a ruler cause it's not more than 30 centimeters long. I went back to my room because it was in our uni accommodation. One of the lads came back. We'd all blatantly added a little

bit on, but he'd added too much on. So we started backtracking and compensating and he was like, Oh, but it, it looks like an apple pencil. So his was like meant to be skinny. Quite long, but like girls don't want that girl. Like a strawberry lace. The dick curse. Girls want girth. Girls want like six in the girth. They don't want eight in skinny. A six inch girth? No they don't, they want six inches and then girthy. They don't want eight inches in skinny. Genuinely like that bottle of water is perfect for most women. I'm a chunky fella. She's not a young woman is she?

What we're talking about? What? Chunky. That level of girth. Yeah, they want a girthy body. I remember measuring my hands. Not a young woman. New to the DJ.

No, I'm a major young woman. No, but I mean, come on. She's got to be fucking 16, you know what I'm saying? No, but that's a veteran with that in it. That's yeah. But we are veterans. Yeah. I'm so back in fashion. A bit of fucking penile shows about shows are back in fashion. The longer, you know, there used to be a day where where chose to get stomped on and people wouldn't respect the chode. Now women yearn for the chode. I think yearn for the chode.

I think there's some gin in that cup. Keep trying for those buckets kid. Do you want us to touch the sides? I'm not arguing with you mate, I totally agree. I just think if you're turning up with your fucking bottle of watercock at 18 years old, you're going to have some problems. The streamer though, isn't it? When was the last time you messaged yours? Cause if it was at school, that's fucking ages ago. You might grow, maybe you've got a bigger dick than you. It was at Etta's school. It was one of the weirdest parents even. You know when you're

just getting a bit of a weird slang in match with your kids' primary school teacher? Like mine's bigger than yours. You dig the ruler in don't you? I use one of those wheels. The clickies. Yeah. Seven clicks. Dig the ruler in? They call me the dolphin.

Dolphin Dick Regler. You dig the ruler in, you're like fucking hell. I draw blood mate. God yeah, if I pass out, it's five and a half. I'm going to be a fucking dick. I'm going to be a dick. I'm going to be a dick. I'm going to be a dick.

I'm going to be a dick. I'm going to be a dick. I'm going to be a dick. I'm going to be a dick. I'm going to be a dick. I'm going to be a dick. I'm going to be a dick. I'm going mate. God yeah if I pass out it's five and a half. Yeah it's been a while. Buy him a better one. No, no, no.

Wait, the guy needs to buy this guy a better one. That's what I mean. If you broke it, buy him a better one as the apology. So what's he going to do? He does need to go mate. He needs to go mate. This is so much cheaper than my one. It's cheaper than the one I got.

Do you want to take this pop? You can be the guy who's bought the shit. Yes. Oh, I'll be. Knock on the door, dad. Knock on the door. Right. I'll be Greek in this.

No, why are you knocking on my door? You broke it. I'm bringing this one back. Oh, right, okay. So you've broke it and you've given me the shit one. Oh, sorry, I thought I was coming with my bro. Come on. No, no, no. Oh, no, right. I was coming with my broke one. No, no, no.

Oh no, right. I sometimes knock on my own door though. I don't. Just checking how good my door is from the inside mate. I'm the guy who's wrote in. You're the guy who's broken streaming and give him a cheap shit one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Fucking hands for... It's the busies! The fucking busies! Open up!

Hide the pot farm. Pot farm? Shuttle. Hide the drugs. All right, all right, all right. Keep your fucking head on. Oh hello mate. What's this?

It's the UEFA Cup. Congratulations. What's this, Tom? It's not a good role play, is it? Oh, that's a very good quality Argos trimmer there, lads. Absolute load of shite, mate. I let you... Whoa, whoa, Tom Flowen.

I let you, me good trimmer, that I fucking Suzie got for me birthday last year. Fuck Suzie. Listen, I used it in good faith, you know, and there I am, strimming away. Whoa! Out comes a fucking rock, never seen it, didn't know, big fucker as well. And then all of a sudden you're like, you wanna get this stream made that you lend fixed, then go and get it fucking fixed mate,

but I want the exact same make and model in the condition I lent you. But I used it twice, I used it once on the bush, I once done me wife's minge, and it was fucking great both times. And now this fucking shite one. I've just tried to do my mons pubis. It's not doing fucking anything. You need to go to Manscape lad. Use code word 20. You should never be using a strimmer on your wife's biff. Look, I want me fucking strimmer back lad. I'm not having this cheap plastic shite. You can keep it.

Then you can strim all the rocks you want with that, can't you? Can I ask a question? Have you trimmed your wife's pubes with this new one? I tried. Oh yeah, you have. I tried, yeah. But get through. Didn't do fucking anything, mate.

Fucking hell. I'm trying to fucking use a spoon. You're losing kind of the bill. Bottom line is that I want my Devald strimmer back in fucking perfect condition. Not an ad by the way. How much does a Devald strimmer go? I'm looking. Right, I'm looking to a ball.

I'm looking to a fucking arsehole for all I care. No mate, two tongue. Right, fucking ball bag you. Two tongue. Two tongue. Two fucking tongue. You should have gone for that before you started to cut rocks in half you daft cunt. Fucking cunt. You'll be a way winning UEFA Cups.

I'm not arsed mate. Oh you're not going to replace her? Nah I'm not, fuck you. Coming over here shouting about your wife's poo. Alright son, enjoy all the poo I put through your letterbox then. And the bricks. Right. You haven't got a dog.

The bricks are feel-good. I need no dog for poo mate. Got me own poo making station round the back. Me ass. Oh you're a shit. Oh you're an asshole. How's this going to be your poo? Being quite explicit about his revenge.

Well. Someone's putting bricks through the letterbox. Seems quite pointless. Oh there's some poo through the letterbox. Seems quite pointless. Oh, there's some poo coming through as well. I am going to be screwing down my fucking letterbox, lad. What are you going to do then with your bags of poo? I'll just throw them at your nisses. Fair and dazley.

Cheryl! You're going to love this, you dirty old cow! She's fucking scatman John up there. Scatman-a-ba-da-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba- man-oob-a-dab-a-meh. She's had a stroke. T-I-A. Sorry, T-A. M-I-A. Right, well, look after yourself.

See you later. No resolution. Look after yourself. I'm going to throw shit to me wife. If you're willing to take it to half level. Anyway, I'll see you at Christmas. Have a short life. See you later.

Both being so... Have a good one if you don't see it. Yeah. You're looking really well. All the best to you and yours lad. You want that NAD? Yeah. Oh you look so well.

Thank you God. Are you running? I've been 5k a day. Look at that, great. He's charmed you here and you're fucking absolutely folded. I'm running into a false sense of security. He's gonna throw shit at my wife. Come here you. Anyway, I've got a poo brew and I better go. you fucking absolutely folded? I'm lulling into a false sense of security. He's going to throw shit at my wife.

Come here you. Anyway, I've got a poo brew and I better go. Alright, Joe, get ready love. Sorry, Cheryl. Who? He's a Mormon. Oh, you're in a Mormon. I'm in more trouble now.

He's Jane. Don't worry about that. Worry about the shit coming your way. Wow, it's got fun, wasn't it? Glasses looking sick. I hope that helped. The guy that row in. Imagine it does.

Great role play there when I was like, all right, look after yourself. Good seeing you, lot of time. See you later. See you at the game. FanDuel Casino's exclusive live dealer studio has your chance at the number one feeling, winning, which beats even the 27th best feeling, saying I do. Who wants his last parachute? I do.

Enjoy the number one feeling, winning, in an exciting live dealer studio, exclusively on FanDuel Casino, where winning is undefeated. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca please play responsibly Welcome back part three of four and it's fucking Mark Jenny He's gone for the hat trick and he's got it!

No, no, that's the second thing. No! We thought, Geno! We had Geno on twice! Fucking Geno, baby! Unless this is one of the other younger comics that you've been gallivanting around with like you and your mate in Ireland. Yeah, we had a weekend in Budapest.

Who's this 22 year old? Does anybody know? Somebody listen to an episode on the tree. Here's the backstory Mark. Oh, get con and old man just do a bit of grooming. If we gay marry, I've got an Irish passport. Go on, tell the story. Dan's got an uncle. And when I say uncle...

It's nothing to do with that! No, it is. No, I know, but it is uncle. It's nothing to do with that. No, it is. No, I know, but it is context. It's no context needed. No, it is. Stan's got an uncle. By which I mean uncle. It's his uncle Robert. Uncle Robert isn't actually his uncle. It is his dead mum's florist. Is that a euphemism? No, that's just the fact. Am I saying anything wrong? Amateur florist. Right, okay. Amateur florist. What? Not because you're going to the Olympics. They did a flower... They did a flower arranging class. No, this is not what you told us. I know, because I was being

hyperbolic, but they did a flower arranging class. Right. So Dan's uncle Robert, who's a flower arranging class with his dead mom when she was not yet dead. Yeah. Yeah. Thank God. That's all the fuel. And since then, since his mom passed away, Dan has kept in touch with Robert and the two of them. Where'd you get your discount flowers? Bang. This is true. No, you want to make the savings. He's been on several holidays. Just him and his uncle Robert. Like last year they went to Monaco. I think more than several. It's like double figures. Yeah. Did you go on any holidays with him when your mom was still alive? Oh no, no, no. And he filled the role.

Did your mom go on any holidays with him? They did the Seychelles, but it was more of a break. So yous are just bonded and... He waited. I'm trying to think. No, I don't think so. I think he was like, now she's gone. Let's go and arrange some flowers. Anyway, what Dan has done is there's a podcast fan on a sound as large level means like called Alan. So sound, uh, Ireland, you know, good lad, and Dan great legs fancies himself as a bit of an uncle Robert. So he's uh, God forbid, God forbid, God forbid

exchange numbers with a sound lad in Kildare. Have you done any amateur florist thing of your own? Floristry. Floristry? Is that what it is? Listen, he doesn't mean anything. Is that why Laura's been doing it? Is what?

Laura's doing it, wasn't she? Yes, she does it. I call it floristry everywhere. My sister's a pro. Is that because you're spending so much time with this other guy? Yeah, that's what it is. Dan's like, you can spending so much time with this other guy? Yeah, that's what it is. Dan's like, you can't come to Dublin with me. You don't know Flourish tree.

That's what I said. You can't do what he does. Come and meet us at the pub, Dan. No, this lovely white wild flowers want to go and pick with Alan. Listen, the uncle Robert, as much as that is a fucking weird situation, I understand that it's a very separate thing. I'm just, he's a nice life. It's the same. He calls me uncle Dan, but that's it. You know, like

you know, new guys, it's the academy in it. It's just a lineage of the Roberts. Yeah. Yeah. They'll be a little fucking whatever the new name is back in town and Alan will do the same to him. Alan will be 50 odd years of age going on all day with some 17 year old kid and it'll be totally normal. Grooming begets grooming. Which I think is actually a fact. I think statistically a lot of people would say yeah that's how abuse works. Well young men are looking for positive male role models. Yes.

Also get to fuck how old is he? You're not young enough. I like I'm young mate. How old are you? I'm 34. He's older than us. He needs a 14 year old and killed her. This is my life. This is my life. I get very well paid to get bullied. Does that make you feel any weirder when you realize for the same age gap he'd have to be going with a 14 year old? Going with a 14 year old. All right, well going to the GAA with a 14 year old.

Getting a flight to a 14 year old, because that's what you do. You have to fly to them. Yeah, that would be a sting operation. If you were doing that. It's taking a four year old to match. Hang on. I have not flown to Ireland specifically to see Alan.

Did you even see us in Dublin to go and see Alan? No! We were already going to Dublin. I just went a day early to spend some sweet, sweet time with a child. It's the same as Finn taking Jack the match if he just didn't... What? You want a babysit? Go fucking go for it. Oh, yeah, yeah. Go Anfield.

Yeah? Foreign babysitters. That's a prop. Wow. Really? Let's go. Most of themitters. Oh, that's a prop. Wow. Really? Hey. Oh. Most of them are. Oh.

Welsh Turkish is fine. Fine with me. Foreign babysitters come on over here, babysitting our babies. The big worry is they'll pass out halfway through the first half. Jack, guide me. Like a little guide toddler. The first half? Of the game.

Oh, the first half of the babysitter. It's a babysitting shift of two halves. Anyway, thanks for coming. Mark, I'm glad you asked. Really good to see you, mate. Mangum absolutely deserves it. Smooth. I tell you what, we've been podcasting for five years. We know what we're doing. I wonder if you've got any anecdotes about your car. Your car ghost. So I don't

want to bring this up because I don't want to be perpetuating anti-scooze tropes here, but I feel like you could relate to my car getting stolen when it was in for his MOT. Not even remotely. No, I've never had a car MOT. Not even remotely. Never had a car stolen. Stole a few. Never had a car stolen. Hey people sat on that couch, had some cars fuck up on them. I think it's the couch. Usually Harry sits there and he's like, oh, the tile's on fire. So I put my car in for an MOT, that's a few years ago, right? And he stole it.

No, well this is what happened, right? So I put my car in for a multi tell me the end of the story. This is only the beginning. I was getting dug up by the way for how I pronounced carol when I was last done. Cause I say it like Carol with the name. So did the Irish. I get kind of a lot concerned because family I'm used to it. I don't think I could say it. The Americans just kind of handle it. Apparently they think it's like, wow. Can you, can you try it's like Craig? Can you try and say call? Call. Call. I need to say like that. I think you can have to mess with the R. Yeah. Imagine this three A's and a L. There you go. It's the most convincing. What's the one that glass regions can't do purple people eater. Purple people. Yeah. All right. Okay. It's lovely. Is that your purple lucky? What's up with the fuck was that last word you said? I didn't get that.

Do you know what purple is? What an accumulator? No, that's what you've worn off. No, purple. He is a, he's a, he's a myth. He's not, he's a legend. He's a legend. He's, he's an enigma. No one knows. No, there's a fella is his, uh, his folklore name is purple. Lucky. His real name is... Adekiki Achenwele or something? Adekibi Achenwele? Well, make sure you're not getting that wrong, eh? I'm not far off. You go for that. Carl?

Carl, stop getting it wrong! Oh my god, he's added some names inside, I saw them. Achenwele... No, he got knighted, so he's got a few. Oh, and he chose the names... Ofua Dajimi Olawatope. MBE. So his name's Achenwale. Oh him? Oh right, I just call him Uncle Robert. Well, you've struck gold there.

He's a bit of an Uncle Robert if you get me. So he went to prison for sexual harassment because he would go up to young boys at like bus stops. I would say young boys, men, like sort of 18, 20, but he wants to feel their muscles. Okay. This is sick, isn't it? Wait till they're 22. Where did this come from? Also manslaughter, but he got acquitted. How hard did he squeeze? No, he chased some kids and they ran into train track and died. He was blamed for chasing them. But he got away with it. Just to clarify, I think they were like trying to take pictures with him and harassing him.

Yeah, no, he didn't just chase them. I think they, you know, they initiated the chase. Knock it, knock it, knock it, knock it, knock it, knock it, knock it, knock it, knock it, knock it, knock it, knock it, knock it, knock it, knock it, knock it, knock it, knock it, knock it, knock it, knock it, knock it, knock it, knock it, knock it, knock it, knock it, knock it, knock it, knock it, knock it, knock it, knock it, knock it, knock it, knock it, knock it, knock it, knock it, knock it, knock it, knock it, knock it, knock it, you know, they initiated the chase. Knock it, knock a run. I said, you know, it's a dangerous game in it. Yeah. I think they were, you know, goading him into the ramen place. Sounds good. But yeah, he's infamous for squeezing men of a certain age's muscles. Like it's an actual fetish. It's a court order. He's not allowed to do it. Allegedly. It's got a muscle touch, bam. There you go. Two weeks off him. But yeah, he's known like people know who purple black is. I've never met him. I have. So apparently he got chased out to Wigan or something. Was he in Manchester? Was he in Manchester?

Because a couple of years ago he was in Manchester Piccadilly train station and I took a selfie with him in the background. But as I took the picture, he turned around and made like eye contact with my camera. And then he chased me and told me to delete the photo. I'll tell you what, he's like seven foot in every direction. And I deleted that picture. I don't know what happened. photo. I tell you what, he's like seven foot in every direction. And I deleted that picture. He's already walking and he always carries a Tesco bag, but no one knows what's in it. So you can't say call you. Where are you from? I'm from, I'm from there's a guy, there's

a guy named button and he was called like, it was like the Dunbar and cat or something. I think it was just like a homeless guy and he would do some shit like that and people would just say, I may be getting that wrong, but it's a something like that. Yeah. His name is the cat man of the bar and that's a bit, and he would just do park around the bar. And people just bit. And he would just do parkour around the bar. And people just seem to kick about. It's something like he does like parkour and just does mad shit. And it's like this is a kind of mythical thing. It's like the running man of West Arby and Tony beep beep. I don't think we've ever mentioned him.

Tony Beep Beep? Do you not know Tony Beep Beep? The running man of West Arby sounds like a pub. And who the fuck is Tony Beep Beep? Yes! We'll get back to the running man. Jack, do you know who Tony Beep Beep is? So Tony Beep Beep is a fellow who would walk out in front of traffic and go beep beep is. So Tony beep beep is a fella who would walk out in front of traffic and

go beep beep and he wouldn't get out of the way until you beeped him. Or he'd stand on the side and ask for it, he'd got run over. Live by the sword, die by the sword, innit? Google Tony beep beep. If he's got a Wikipedia page. I've never mentioned Tony beep beep before. What a dude. Dan, you know, I get it. You get Tony beep beep and flowers. Don't you? Yeah. So it says Tony boop boop. I've no figured out how to do it easy yet. That's a difficult one. Each person got rolled by my nans. Dovecots shops. Oh, never been helping it.

It used to ask everyone who was getting on whether he could give their money to the driver. If they let him, he'd pay the driver then pass back the ticket. Let's go and get a Wikipedia page. It's like a Liverpool local w Wiki. There's a Liverpool Wikipedia. I don't think the running man's got a wiki. No, I think he's just arson. Who was the running man in West Harby? I mean, I feel like you're going to, it's going to be a bit Ron sealed as well. No, so he's a severely disabled fellow who stinks. He lives in the care home by my mum's in West Abbey village. You know, like one of those, like, I don't want the two together. He lives in the care home by my mum's, in West Abbey village. But you know like one of those,

like I don't want to be horrible. You know those older people who got later difficulties who just stink of piss because they just pissed themselves all the time. Ah, it's good job you weren't horrible. So he has like between two and like 12 carrier bags. It's more now, my man's like a fuck, he's like buck a do. But he just runs around West Harbour with these carrier bags.

But what he'll do is there's a big curved road and the bus comes down the curved road. The bus stops at the bottom of the curved road. But he will stand at like the sort of apex of the curve until he can see the bus coming from here. And then sprint and try and beat that bus to the bus stop. But sometimes he fails and then he goes back to the apex and he does that until he gets on the bus. He also runs around town. He's a care home, but I think they let him, they must let him

out. And then you'd always see him getting the bus. I mean, if he wants to get out, he can get out. He's fast. He's got some fucking legs on him. Pay him to do a big shop. He can hold bags and move me. Seeing him and Tony beep beep in the same day must be like you win a prize. That's never happened. Well he's dead anyway. Tony beep beep is dead. No he's not.

What? Tony beep beep is not dead. No he's not dead. He lives on. What? He's not doing his thing no more though. Dead he says. Oh he's just tired. Tony beep beep. Someone said she was dead.

Hello Tony. Dead he says. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. in the city. Yeah. Yeah. He's Pido. Pete as well. He lived in the bushes and can walk. He park. No one knew he is real low. Oh, he was a bogeyman. No, apparently if you were in the same, the park pass a certain time, he'd like, boom,

you're adding in the bushes. Did your mom tell you that just to stop you playing in the park? Come here, lads. No, come here. You know what you've been for a week. Got a pack lunch. Now remember, so't go in the park after dark, because Pete, Pete, I was in there and he'll bum your head off. Anyway, go on, go to 40. There was monkey bollocks as well. By the way, I know you think that sounds ridiculous,

but five years of your scouts stories, that's well within the lines of what I'd expect one of your miles to say. There was monkey bollocks. He had a seat and there's a bike that high, and he just go, oh, there's monkey boll just go out, there's monkey bollocks. I don't know monkey bollocks. He'd ride around the park and you're like even about a monkey bollocks like his seat was like, like his feet wouldn't touch the floor if he swung

his legs. I mean, well the monkey bollocks. So Mark, what happened to your car? That's This guy called Tony beep beep right? It was eh... Episode what? 270 or something? No, 3... 370? 324? I'm glad I coaxed that out of you so I'm happy that I got that there. Watch some fans go, you've mentioned Tony beep beep 11 times. Anyway, so I put my car in for its MLT, phone my mechanic like a day or two later, say what's

the damage? So it's failed MLT, it's going to cost about 500 quid on repairs. Is this a mechanic we trust or is this a bit of a shiz? He's my Daz mate. So I don't know if he's good or not, but he's the only guy I've ever used and I'll always use him because I don't know, he could be doing me out of money, I don't know, but I like him. Phones me back five minutes later and he goes, Mark, have you got the car? Which is, I mean, a fed flat's like waking up for fucking, you know, surgery and the doctor being like, have

you got your kidney? So I'm like, wait, what are you talking about? You've got the car and you're doing MLT and he's like, I will, it's not here. I says, wait, is it? They don't know. So the car's just disappeared, right? So we're just presuming it's been stolen. I phone up the insurance, phone the police. They take all your details. Now, this was just after I'd went full time as a comic, right? And I didn't even think until they got to like, take my name, date of birth,

address, get to my occupation. And I'm like, oh fuck. Like, what do you do for a job? I'm like, address, get to my occupation. And I'm like, oh fuck. What do you do for a job? I'm like, eh, I'm a comedian. And like, I think they thought it was a fucking prank at that point. Cause like, apparently this has never happened when, you know, a car's in a garage or whatever. So anyway, I do that. I just put out a post on socials like fuck my car's been stolen. If anyone sees it, here's the Reggie, blah, blah, blah. I go down to the, I go down to the garage and I'm like, they're showing me about, and not having you go in a garage and they've got like, all the keys are on those wee sort of hook things.

I'm going, well that's fucking easy enough to steal, right? And then the apprentice comes up and the apprentice is like, he seemed a bit too jovial about the whole situation. The first thing he says to me is he goes, Oh, it's actually me that had to feel your MOT. And I was like, I've got kind of bigger problems at this point. You know what I mean? It's a fact that the car's not fucking here. No, the car's not there. Absolutely. You can't pass an MOT with a fucking invisible car. Do you know what I mean? So can do anything if you put your mind to it actually. The DVLA would disagree though. Who's got the big backbone though? Who's got the longest staying power? The more willpower? Yeah. Who can argue longer on the phone? Yeah.

If you ignore all the letters, I suppose it's you. Smart. I'm stressed now. And I think my parents were away on holiday. I was driving my dad's car and I was like driving home the next day and I was going, I'm going to beed here because I've not got a car, I'm not going to have money for a new one. My mechanic phones me back and he's like Mark we found the car. I'm like what the f*** are you talking about? And apparently he said one of the other guys from the garage went on a test drive in the morning, they'd seen it parked outside someone's house and they left the keys and the visor above the steering wheel. And so like, right, we've got it back at the garage, no sort out, no bother. So I'm like, all right, like, great. So I just phoned the police and I'm like, listen, cars been found, just, you

know, I guess I'll need to drop the claim or whatever. And they're like, no, we still want you to come in. So I still had to go into the police station and tell them what to happen because they were like, really suspicious about it. Yeah, they were, you know? Yeah, of course. It's a fucking weird story. The car's been robbed, oh actually no, found it. Yeah well they're taking fingerprints off me because they want to like dust the car and they need to like you know they need to cancel mine out or whatever to like you know

to see if anyone else is finding this. You've been in this car before. Explain that. All over the steering wheel. Because you're a bit like, maybe I want might be off the grid. Why the fuck Danny and he take a fucking mug shot and shit. I've done anything wrong. Last question about that. Do you know if you get arrested and they take your thing, you fuck forever, aren't you? What do you mean?

They say that you can use it, but I don't know if that's true. Cause like say you murdered somebody and they've got your fingerprints, but they're like, Oh no, we're not allowed to. That's what I mean. Can you, are you fucked forever then? If you've ever given the police your fingerprints, is that forever? You are. If your fingerprints are on record, then they're on record, but you don't have to give them them unless you're, uh, the accused of a crime. Are they not on record from like school dinners? What? That just won to get you £4.50? No.

Sorry, what? You had to get your fingerprint for a school dinner? To pay for your school dinners, yeah. What, with ink and everything? No. No. It was a machine. It was like a little laser machine.

What futuristic school did you go to? It was like a little laser machine and you put your finger on it and that would unlock your account and it'd be like a machine. What? That was like whiteboards as well. Oh mad, what we used was money and paid it and got food. Yeah, well, so in between this, I had a young Scott card. That's what they call it in Scotland. And that's where you pay for your dinner. This was the stuff you've been able to rob people of their dinner money. Yeah. Oh, sorry. I forgot you went to school in Holland. No, this is also in Scotland. You Scotland. You put your, you use your eye laser.

They got you and then you put your gun away. That was shut off because our school, there was no guns at lunch. I was a new rule after 19 people got shot after foot. That was a rule. Yeah, I suppose it was unspoken. Imagine like a sort of like a cash point, like a parking ticket thing. It's like a box on the wall. You'd put your fingerprints on it. Come over and be like a row current balance two quid and then you'd put like 20 quid and it goes to 22 quid and then you'd press finished and the next person put theirs on. But like your mom on like Monday could give you your whole week's dinner money and you put it on your finger and you've got all your money for a week. Wow. I didn't really... When did you go to school?

Got iPhones. In the noughties? Mad. Yeah we did go to school in the noughties. Mad. I know that's mad for you. No I know. I went to school in the noughties. We just used, you know, plates for the food and there was just a dinner lady giving...

I still use fingerprints for that. Did anyone not do it though? Like in school was there anyone whose parents were like fucking no. I think in the end I think you asked to. I don't think cash was accepted. Was it a little red thing at the thing and you paid by just complete. Yeah. That easy. Wow. There was definitely like people that did it by check. That was a bit mad. You couldn't pay for you. Cool. No, you could put your money on your account via check. Oh, mud. I've never had fingerprints done in any situation.

I'm off the grid, mate. Also I didn't have, you know, total recall school lunches. We did for India. When we got to India, we didn't have to put them on a little plate. Yeah, the Indians have got me. I can't kill anyone in India as much as I want to. So I always think like if you do like a petty crime, if you want to do a murder, you're fucked up. So go murder first. What do you mean? Like if you get nicked as an 18 year old

robber and they take your fingerprints, then you've fucked yourself in the future for murder. Yeah. So do the murder. Get the murder out of the way and then do the petty crime. So you got the car. Yeah. So they, they were suspect. So they were talking to me in the police station, like they suspected it was me for a bit and then they were just saying, I was like look, they obviously realized it wasn't, like look there's a bit of foul play. So they went up to the garage, spoke to them because my mechanic phones me back and he's like really fucking shiting it. He's like can you just like call this off, whatever and he says we'll give you your repairs for free and I was like yeah no problem. Class, that's a result. Absolutely. So like-

Dodgy dog. Well it is, because I phoned him up and I'm like, right, just drop it, drop it, get the car back. And then he tells me a couple weeks later, it's like, oh, we found out what happened and it turned out it was the apprentice who had taken it. Joy Radden. I think he was either doing that or he might have been leaving it for somebody else to pick up and sail on or something like that. But because he'd been dipping the telly says that was just the, the top of the iceberg we done to your car. And I'm like, but I never got to thank him because fucking he did save me 500 quid. So I was like, I could have really fucking, you

know, used saying thanks to a bold apprentice move in it going. I'm going to steal stuff. I'm a mechanic and how he was to me as well. He's like, oh, like making jokes and that stuff. It's like, how did it fucking took it in the first place? You shouldn't have been driving it with a fellow to motor. This is true. He was stealing it call. Yeah, but he's, it's not, I mean, that's the real crime in it. It's not roadworthy. Yeah. You steal one that passes. Yeah. He's made it all roadworthy and driven it. It's not roadworthy. I've taken off your hands. He broke the law there twice. How old is this kid? He must've been, he's maybe been a bit 20 or something at the time, but it's going to be a drug deal. It's going to be it. I got told,

cause my car's going to go in for fixed. The guy was like, yeah, don't worry. No one, he went, don't worry. No one's going to take it home in the evening. And I went, I didn't think about it. No one's going to figure the misses in the back. Yeah. So I think apparently they just drive it home. Yeah. No, don't do that. He was like, no, no one's going to do that. I was like, right now I think you are. Yeah. I sort of assume everyone's going to the shop in your car when you're getting an MOT. Why are they wasting their miles? They'd be like, Oh, I just need to run it out to test how it runs. The miles, the old armature before you get it.

Just have a go. You want to go in the car, have a go. Just make sure it's fucking class. Why don't you give me a bath? That's actually the thing is, because I still go to that guy and then now like something, I forget it even happened and then he'll be like, Oh, make sure we get it back to you this time. Oh yeah, that happened. I still fucking... Is the apprentice still there? No, no, no. He got the sack, but they found out a few... I think they kind of knew the whole time and they had to sort of just... I know the whole time, but they realized pretty soon.

And then, yeah, they obviously found out he was fucking stealing from them and stuff as well. I know we talked about Adam and Carla's school, murderers... I nearly called it murderers row. What was your school like? A bit moody? Did you go to a good Catholic school? No, it was like, there was fights none of that time, but it was always like good nature. It was always a good laugh. Like I remember when I was in... Was it a boys only? No, no, no, no, it's just normal school. But the first year we call it, so whenever you go to high school... Eleven? I remember the 11 years old, there was all these gangs. So let's see, I've seen Glasgow growing up. We call them young

teams. They're not really a thing anymore. But when I was like that age, it was all young teams. It was all different. It was really just people from different parts of the area. Sometimes different streets would all have young teams. So it'd be like Hillshed young team and you know, the young whatever fleet on the, like Clydebank Bundy was the big one. And so they- Clydebank Bundy? Yes, this is what they were all called.

What Bundy? I don't even fucking know what that is. After Ted? Possibly. I mean, these guys, some of them are worse guys than Ted. I don't think so. But they would fight with each other and stuff. And I remember one time one of the gangs for the school

came up to fight with the other gang. And then so they all ran away and they just ended up fighting with the teachers. So like at the school gates at the end of like a school day, but the entirety of all the pupils just seen our head teacher get fly kicked by you, a child. No, one of the guys feel like the one of the young teams. I think these were guys that had left school probably at 16, 17 and they came back to fight with some of the other guys and then I just started bothering all the teachers. Wow. It was crazy man. And there was this one guy that was like the techie teacher who was always met with dead hard and then he

was just standing behind one of the locked doors, like shite himself and like, yeah, fucking prick. But the whole school's there. The school at the end of, you know, the end of a day, everybody's outside the gates, just watching this fucking fight. You know, the head teacher fly kick man. It was a after school fight where the whole school turns up mate. Like on the burger king or like Blackmore or half of them. The Cindy path? No, the Cindy was, it was too hot. Yeah. It became a pathway to where the fights were rather than where the fights were. You know, the worst one ever, I remember my mate, this all started because we were all

mates and we were out in my pal's back garden once with boxing gloves. Two of my mates are having a wee boxing match. Then gets out of hand. They start arguing with each other. They arrange to fight each other after school at the next day. So we go down and saw that one of these ones because it's prearranged. Everyone goes round to the park to see it. My mate for some reason brought his dog with him, right? So he brings the dog and then the other guy comes out steel toe caps on, gets him on the ground, fucks his face with the steel toe caps. His face is, you ground, fucks his face with the steel toe caps, right his face is you know battered and bruised, it's terrible right. So me and him and some

other guy and then just walking back you know, obviously it was neutral in this fight I guess because nobody was, nobody done anything, we're just watching this pre-arranged fight. We're walking back and he's, my mate lets the dog off the leash and we're right next to a boulevard, I don't know why the fuck he done it. And the dog just runs over, gets all the way over the other side of the Boulevard, goes to come back, smacked by a fucking van and like dead. And then we, cause we didn't know what we do, we're we guys, we phoned the fucking ambulance. This ambulance comes and just sees this guy who's fucking bruises,ises bad like fuck.

And then I went home and we live in the same street. And so I just remember going back in my house and just seeing like this scene with the ambulance and people in the street and I'm hugging his mom, just like having the worst fucking days life and I'm just like walked in the house and get my dinner. That is when you see the street fights, every time I go on Twitter now, as soon as you watch a video, like a dead, a dead men clip will come up and I'll just do the scroll thing that you do on reels. I'm in like people getting killed and fights within two videos. Yeah. And mine's all just monkeys and tits, you know, sounds class.

Imagine if they were fighting and there's got to be some order to the street. It's not monkey. There's got to be some straight street like, it depends what kind of fight it is. You call it. What did they call it? Like a fair go on a dirty go. What is it in the traveler world? I'm not a traveler. I feel going to go. Yeah. It's like a fair go is like, you know, there's no honor in winning a stand up rules, you know, when, and then the deity go is like just fucking, you can stand on his head if you want to do whatever you want. Yeah. Fair go is the one where there's not rules, but it's custom just standing. There's a deity go. Am I getting that right? Yeah. Equal

number of people. No, still to steal two caps. My navs. That was pretty brutal. I don't know. It doesn't say. Yeah. It's certainly that. But like any shoes, like in our school was just bad. Like if people arrange a scrap after school, people took the shoes off. And the love that very Japanese. We are tall boxing. It was very respectful really. Someone took a dusty one so I remember that. One of the best days ever. I can tell you both their names. I won't but it was like someone got a knuckle duster out in a fight. I never knew he was taking it as well. Right but that's the best he was fighting and he still wasn't asked. Yeah that's hard. That's cool. Two of the hardest kids about three years above us. Wow. Yeah and that's the end of

you at school in it when you get a knuckle duster out in a fight surely. Well no they Two of the hardest kids, about three years above us. Wow. Yeah. And that's the end of you at school, isn't it? When you get a knuckle duster out in a fight. Surely? Well, no, they did it outside of school, so technically it's fucking play on me. It was by the Mecha Bingo, by the big. That's why they took their shoes off. Ah, Muslim.

That's very good. That's very good. And then Ramai turned up with fucking Rune. Wow. Mr Ramai, not a rabbi. But the Jews had no respect for him. So see when you hung about with your mates and stuff. We weren't fighters by the way. We were just... I was. No, not was I, but like there was certain groups that were like, they would just call themselves like as I say like young teams in Glasgow. We had the KR I think the KRS one, no, the Kenny riot squad they were called. Oh yeah. The Kenny riot squad. Can you say what we can do? The Kenny riots. Can't you know, cause there's the ever. Oh, that's the Everton gunk. That's Evans like Liverpool youths,

she's actions. We're not making these up. I had fifth pen with them cubs. We were pretty nasty. I don't know. A woman that looked after us. She was the cock of the group. Okay. No, we didn't have other names. It's like it's from where you were to swan heads. Cause like this was back in the day when it was like people could first start making websites. So like every one of these young teams, we'd all have different websites and it'd be like hated, but rated, fuck yous all, remember and sign the guest book. Like that was the big thing. So sign the guest book, let us know you've been here. That was like it. And then also like there was, I was saying to Harry, this is a, this was a time when people would like

start becoming DJs on like the computer. So they'd make like dance songs, but then they could like speak over it. And then so they'd start doing diss tracks about each other and it'd be like, fuck you, you know, we walked through your street and he's dead fuck all and ah, you're grounded. Cause like everybody's like 14 over the time, right? But like that, this is such a massive thing. And like on YouTube now, there's like still so many of these like old, this is all the different young teams and it was actually a great way of getting creative. There was a lot of sort of warfare amongst the Liverpool gangs. Like Carl says there was

the Dovey heads, the Swan heads, the Kenny heads, the page Moss heads, the Crocky heads, the Nox, heads to crocky heads, the nogs, the heads. And we weren't very imaginative. It was just where you lived with ads. Right. But that was always a bit of a young team. There was a, there was two of these particular groups. I won't say which ones might not even mention to be honest with you. There's some in ads, but one of the main ads of those ads, the fellow with the biggest head, the head head was in jug. He was a drug. That's jailed on. Yeah. He was in joke for a bit. And joke Juggies jail. Oh, I don't know why, but Juggies jail. Right. Go on. He was in Jugg. How old was he?

Probably like 16. He was an old head. But all the heads that were under him were having murder with the heads from one fucking buttered over. And he came out of prison. Cause it was like, it was in his name really. It was like he's in prison because of them heads. So he came out and said to his heads, hey, we need to stop having this fucking head war. So he came over to the other borough and tried to settle a beef between the heads and he got shot. Did he get a game of heads and Vs? Winner stays on. You know, like on Christmas day with the Nazis and the Brits. They were like, for one day, let's just have a game of one bounce. The thing is what he's saying is, what he's saying is really...

On the ring road. I know exactly what you're talking about. Neutral territory. Is it infamous? Yeah, they're like... Right. You sure it's not the story of boys in the hood or something? No, no, this is an infamous killing.

He was shot on a certain place. God forbid you get any more specific bang, fucking bang, bang, bang. Quote. Did you know how that kind of shit though? Dan? No, I was in a, I was in a chamber choir. I was on in Lichfield cathedral. We were all nice kids as well. Yeah. Oh yeah. I went to cathedral flex. We've got two. Yeah. We had a chapel in the school. First of all, you didn't go to both of them. Yeah. I fucking love church. I go to both. We could. Yeah, of course you could. I was a fucking chamber choir. We mainly went to my granddad's cathedral. The wig one. Yeah. Yeah. Paddy's wig one. What as I call it, Vinny's masterpiece.

Nice. You can put it on the Uber, it'll take you there. Even though it was my granddad John that did it. There must have been some violence where you're from. Preston's are still a bit like bang bangy, innit? Is it a bit bang bangy? Yeah. Up the north side, it gets a bit bang bangy.

You know, sometimes the Ashton lot would come over across the water, just across the water from Penn with them. And it got a bit fruity, you know, apples at each other. Well, a lad who I won't say his name. He was from traveler descent. Yeah. Yeah. So he was happy moving across borders. What happened? He came and smacked everyone in the mouth and everyone's like, Oh, we're not fucking with travelers again. You know?

So we were glad when he went back over the wall. Why were you fucking with travelers in the first place? We weren't, we were all in the park and he punched everyone. I just wanted to finger girls, you know, they just came with a different agenda. That was bad. Talked about that for years. They made a film about it. Oh, that's right. They didn't cause it was boring. No, it was fucking soft as shit. We just went to the park and got pissed. So did we, but these things happened around us. Oh, right, right, right. Just entertainment. Yeah. To add to your fucking already pretty

full life. Yeah. So you're going down the park, you're playing, you know, one bounce and there's a shooting. Just adds to it. Don't it? I never seen a shooting. I had a shooting once. Yeah. I mean, I had the shooting that was almost, I had that happen from my house. Did you? Yeah. I think I might have made that up, but I believe it. I do believe it, but I think I'm lying. Oh my God, another shoot him up. It's a Vauxhall Laster. Shut up. I've heard a man get shot dead. I heard it. What the bang and the thud? I didn't hear the thud, but I heard it. How did you know it was a three bang? Cause I know. Cause it

was. And he heard what happened before it and after it. Were you there? No, I was in bed. But. I'm going to fucking shoot you now, John. And John said, don't shoot me. And then he had bang, bang, bang. And then the fellow who shot him shows John's dead. I've shot him. And then run away. Let's hope that guy did not do any petty crime

and the police already had his fingerprints. I'm not saying no names, mate. We all know where it was. I'd love to go to just drinking on the park again. Why don't we do that? That was good fun. It was fucking great. I can't fly over to drink in the park. I'd love that. I think that'd be a great night out. Just get, just go down the offie.

You just want to go for a picnic in the summer. No, I want to drink on a Friday and Saturday night in the park. Be like an alternative stag do. Night? Yeah, like we used to. The police would arrive so fast if there was a 44 year old man drinking in the park. No, it's legal. It's more legal than it was back in the day when we were 15 drinking diamond wine. I think it's frowned upon if men drink in the park at night. Cause there's kids there. Yeah, but maybe he's saying the stigma should be gone because it's fun. I don't just, I just want us to go and have a laugh in the park. I don't. Yeah. I don't need to, we don't need to interact with the other day drinking the park with a 40

and a Samba go, but no one gets shot then do they? It's all the fun stuff happens at night when all the heads come out. I'm talking daylight shootings. Like all the heads are gone. No, they're all out of the dead in prison. So the parks, you know, safer. It's fine. Oh, they're just like on snapchat. This is years ago and no one had any tech. It was just going out with a tech nine instead. It's a good one. Yeah. You'll know that from choir practice. That scares me that the guns thing that's not really a thing in Scotland. Like it's obviously just stabbing and stuff like that. But the thought of guns being like a regular thing would be, I've never seen a gun personally like a naughty one. I've seen one in a gun range. I knew a guy, he got stabbed a few

times when we were in high school and it was called Hamish. That wasn't his actual name, but it was called it. No, it was his actual name but he was called Hamish. Second occasions? No, it was the same occasions and the reason they said that he would have died, but he was a big fat guy and they said he would have died if he wasn't so fat because the fat stopped the bleeding. That's why I got fat as a kid. It seems harsh. Self-defence.

You'd be dead but you did fat. I think they might have put it in better terms know, better terms than that, but that was the, you know, the gist of it. So far as the kid, I just thought I'll just catch the bullet to meet it. How old are you? What do you do now? You've got in shape. Do you wear a vest or something? Do you wear a vest or something? Oh, he's running. So he just dodges the bullets. Oh, I thought you meant fashion. I am thinking of becoming a vest man ahead of Italy bulletproof. Oh, unless he owes money to the mafia in Tuscany. He's fine. You're not wearing the tank top. Why you like under the jacket or something? You mean under the shares? Maybe until I get off. Yeah, but he's got to be careful with purpose, we can get you

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Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. And we are back now, Mr. Mark Jennings. If you were the President of the World for the day, what would your first executive order be? Blanket tariffs across the world. No, come on, that's already happened. No, do you know what the thing, do you know what's been annoying me so much recently? Right, see whenever I'm in the car and the car in front of me so often now is leaving too much space in

front of them. And that honestly, I think that should be like a driving offence because like see if you're stuck in traffic and like people are trying to merge into that lane. they steal it. They're giving too much space for the people to go into that lane. And also if you're in a rush and like, you know, you're going to miss traffic lights cause they leave too big a gap. They get through the light and you get stuck there. And I just think that it's honestly the bit of my life and the thing that I get the most annoyed that ever. Now when you're doing 80 miles an hour on the motorway, there's no traffic. People who don't... 70, 70 miles an hour.

77 because they can't do it. When you are doing that sort of speed and people don't understand braking distances, I want to have a machine gun on the car in every direction. Fuck off. You're putting my light... Yeah, that's horrific. But when it comes to traffic and we're down to six miles an hour, just slowly crawling in traffic and people still leave, there's no need for a braking distance at six miles an hour. When, when no one's moving and they do it.

Can I ask for your interpretations? You know, when it says keep two Chevrons apart, is that Chevron right in front of your car and right behind theirs or is it Chevronvron, chevron, chevron their car? I think keep two chevrons apart means you can see two chevrons. You don't have to leave the full gap of those. I think it means every time two chevrons are visible. So you basically that distance between the chevrons and then whatever's extra. You have to be a bit closer than that because if you do leave enough space for those two

false chevrons, someone does just... Also, car brakes have changed. Now, all these stopping distances aren't real anymore. You can stop on a pinhead now. Speed limit should be 110 miles an hour. It should take like six and a half miles to stop your car. Now you can stop it in like five seconds. Listen, we all know the Germans have got some stuff wrong. I think we've been on record saying, you know, we agree with that statement. A lot right as well. But the Autobahn! Fucking let it out mate! I mean these cars can stop on a pin. Where would you have it in the UK if you were to have an autobahn somewhere? The M6. Make all of it the Autobahn. Really? Top to bottom M six bash. No rules either. No, when it gets to the 74 and you cross the border in Scotland, but 70 minimum on the motorway.

Right. I was stuck behind someone like doing like 40 and I couldn't get over cause this lane was going like fucking mad. Yeah. But in the left lane of the motorway, the driving like and mad. Yeah. But in the left lane of the motorway, the driving lane, the legal lane, the other ones are for crime, aren't they? Whoa, talk me through it. The middle and right lane is for breaking the law. No, the right lane is for crime. The middle lane is for dickhead criminals and the left lane is normal. Yeah. I don't know, but if someone's doing 60 miles an hour in the normal lane, then you're allowed to just scoot over and that's what it's for. But the minimum should be 60. If you're doing 40 on the normal lane, then you're allowed to just scoot over and that's what it's for. But the minimum should be 60. If you're doing 40 on the motorway, I should be able to run

you off the road and you have to pay my insurance. A woman was pulled off. A woman was pulled off in Florida tonight. Because she was doing 30 on the nice 30. She was doing 30 on the motorway and the police masturbator. What's the top for the caravan? Have they got a speed limit difference? Was it 60? How much you drive? You know what I mean? If it's the Autobahn, it's 180 miles and I think if it's only caravan, you're not on a scope of 60 on the, on the motorway.

What do you mean by criminals in the middle lane? Just the middle lanes for dickheads. He does not use them out of the way. The right hand lane as Adam said, that's just for crime. But here's the thing that I'm, I'm a bit of a middle lane user. Right. And I'm going to say the reason is because the people in the left hand lane, what do you want to say? It's bollocks man. No, no. Listen, hear me out. Right. Cause the people in the left lane, they're going to slow as your caravans, your lorries, all this kind of stuff. The people in the right lane are lunatics who are going at 100 miles an hour. I'm just trying to drive at the speed limit and the middle lane is the only safe way to do it.

Hang on, what about at night? Midnight? It's an open road, you're in the middle. I'll go in the left at midnight when there's nobody there. But see, when I'm on the way down during the day, I'll middle lane probably more than you should. What speed? I know I 78 as long as you're 80 is fine. No, I mean, it's not fine. I've seen it happen. Yeah. But at the same time, Carl, those absolute eggs that are like indicating every, like there is a point where you don't have to move into every gap in every lane. No, you do exactly what he's saying. I'm not on the road to make friends then.

I realise, I don't think you podcast to make friends either. You hogged the middle lane during the day because you know in 200 yards there's someone doing 69 an hour. I'll try and stay in the right and go 77. Do you know what I ate as well? I ate those cunts who were behind you pretty much doing the same speed.

You've been like a few miles and you're like, this cunt and I, I ate when you're I ate those cunts who were behind you pretty much doing the same speed. You've been like a few miles and you're like this cunt and I, I ate when you're doing a similar speed and then there's a gap in the driving lane, the left hand lane and you can see it for a while. So you go, I'm going to be a good driver here and I'm going to go into the driving lane and then they speed up. So the next year and then slow to your speed. So they, they get you stuck in the driving lane. Oh my God. No, it's not. It's called being a con. It's called playing the game. That is horrific behavior. It's trapping you in for being a nerd. Why would you ever leave

the middle lane then? Cause a bell ends like you. I'm not, I don't do this. I just watch people do it. I have 70. Oh, I fucking hate those cunts. I don't care what speed you're doing. You're right. Under 60, well annoying. 135, someone just arrest the cunt. But just pick a speed and do the speed. Try and catch them. 135, sober. It's fine. Yeah. Two pints in, just fine. Move out the way and we, slash them, will do that. Just pick a speed and keep to it. I hate the people who change speeds as they go.

Especially when it's quiet at night. On a busy day, you can't really tell. What if I've got a really interesting TikTok on? And you do 135? Yeah, so slow down to 110 while I watch that. Fucking hell, officer, I'm in the crime lane. I'm making a TikTok. Is it a crime to do 135 and make content?

No, I'm not making content. I'm watching like fucking draft day in instalments on, no, Dan. You're watching the film, the NFL film Draft Day? Yeah, like part two will come on on TikTok and I'll watch that and then I'll click it and it'll go down to just watched. And then you watch the film in one minute sections.

And that's what the police will let you off then. They'll be like, oh, Draft Day. Go film that. Oh, I love ball myself. Go Ed. A good song, Mike, come on. Your foot might get a little heavy. Really?

Which happens. All right. Or one that reminds me of me dead mom, Mike. Come on, and then I slow down for a bit. Big booty holes! Drop with it! This one's for you mum! Yeah, listen, just pick a speed you fucking tit. I will pick a speed if I want to change speed. First of all, if I'm doing 135 and a fucking little goth camera's coming up, I have to slow down for that, don't I? No, fine. Understandable. 65 miles and that's what you need to slow down.

Don't worry, these cars break on a pin. More than brakes. It's an average speed check. Don't worry about that. They're a myth by the way, they don't exist. Really? What has to do with these average speed checks? Well that three points I got for an average speech it must be a myth as well. I mean it looked like it was on my license. I know you've

been out there. I've done a speed awareness course once right which is not a thing in Scotland but I got caught on the way back from Leeds and so I went to do one and I had to go down to Carlisle to do it because it's like the nearest one over the border. Everybody Scottish and the Carlisle one and they had it in like the, it was in like a Premier Inn bar. They had like a sort of conference room. A beef eater. Aye. So see during the break I went and got a pint and I brought it back into the room and the guy's like you cannae, but I wasnae driving after. He fell asleep. Did you? On a Zoom one. I was on Gover and it was at nine o'clock in the morning. I just fell asleep and he kicked me off the meeting. I had to go back on it. And did they tell

you that you want to get that was a yellow card. That's the most Scottish thing ever. Let's get some fucking Tunisian for the spoon. You got to, I hadn't actually done it. They got a coach. They got a coach down from Glasgow to Calais. You can't have two. If you're in the beefies and have a little scram you can have three. You avoid it. No, why? Because fucking Jeff the gimps do with his clipboard. Benefialise me then Jeff. The problem is he's the guy that tells you whether or not you get off with it. And so he said you, you won't pass the course if you don't. So I just downed it. I went to one in Runcorn and they bulleted a girl for not, she's like literally, she got into that state of she was younger. She was like 22, 22, beautiful age, 22. And she'd obviously gone, this is so boring. And I think she was basically like sleeping with her eyes open. And he was

like, I'll fail you if you don't, if you don't join in. So you can't even just zone out. So you can't drink, you can't zone out. You need to get involved, mate. The best one was the- I'll fail you if you don't join in. The best, the best one was the one I did on zoom. We did it. It ended up being a clip and it got back to the woman who'd done the zoom speed awareness. It was a big clip. That's why. Yeah. It didn't go well. I called her a fat bitch. No, she was great. She was mental. She was actually mental. Did you watch that while you were speeding?

She had to go, her kid came on the camera at one point, just being naughty. She had to bollock him. She had to pause the speed awareness course for a while to go and deal with whatever was going on in the living room. It was just a general melee of mentalness. And there was a guy from, from Castleford and they were doing the, what are the hazards here and everyone's like, oh, there's a Pelican crossing and oh, you've got to watch for those school children. And then there's two people walking down the road and he was like, oh, there's a pelican crossing. And oh, you've got to watch for those school children. And then there's two people walking down the road and he was like, you've got to watch out

for that one pushing the other one in the road. And she went, yeah, that's right, Brian. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've always got to be careful of murder. Those three points though, genuinely might have been a scam. The ones that you said went onto your license because of that average paycheck, because they are a myth and people do send scam stuff

to try and get money and stuff. My dad got a letter. How were the DVLA involved in it then? Cause I think the DVLA, cause it, they went on my license. So the scammers are doing really well. That's how you go, that prison sentence you served, that was a scam. I know you did fucking six months in big jug.

My dad got a letter saying Jack was a paedophile. What has that got to do with points? Is it a point system for paedophilia? Yeah, I think so. I told you. I think we've told every story. I know Tony Beat Beat personally. My dad rang me once in tears and was like, you've just got to come to the house. We've got to race down here, come to the house and he's here now crying.

And I thought he was dying. I thought he'd fell also and the nerve was done. So I fucking pelted it to his and he showed me this letter. He's like, look at that. Look at me. Hi son. And it was a letter and it had like a, a really washed out like a Merseyside police logo in the bottom right corner. And it said

you've been caught downloading child porn on your computer. You can either pay a £1000 fine now or this will go to court and you'll become convicted of a £ up when my convicted Peter. 1000 pounds of beer Peter. And my dad was like, I think I should just pay. I don't want to go to prison. Do you know what they do? People like that when they go in and I was like, dad, what are you talking about? He was like, I went first of all Jack doesn't live here. So this is your house.

He was like, but his name's on it. The laptop's been in here. It's probably connected to a boop boop boop and he's talking home and Tony boop boop. He's gone into computers. And I was like, spinning in here, it's probably connected to our boop boop boop and he's talking home and Tony boop boop he's got him to computers and I was like dad it's a fucking scam he's like I don't think so it's fucking police logo there can't fake that and I was like you absolutely can it's a prank that someone's trying to get a granddaddy out of here because you know if you get caught watching or making videos of fucking children they don't go right you're in prison for life or is a grand if you pay within 14 days it's 500 have you seen the emails you do now I got one of they hello hello pervert

have you seen them how did they know that's That's the subject. I, I, I. It's starting to go, what's happening? The junk emails. Yeah, it's like, hello, pervert, that's the subject. Oh, I love it. It feels like you, I feel seen. And you're like, you've been watching all this, haven't you? Yeah. Yeah.

Well, that's the end of that. Yeah, I am. So what? Send the phone. That's what happened to Joel Dommet though, wasn't it? Yeah. Was it? Yeah.

Joel Dommet had been like doing cam stuff with someone and got recorded and then one of the scammers was like, ah, we've got a video of you wanking to some girl on the internet. And if you don't pay us, we're going to release the video. And he went, pfft, and they released it. I thought he released it as like an ownership. They released it, yeah. They released it and then he did a stand up show about it to sort of take ownership of

it. I've never seen him. He's got a big willy. Doesn't matter. I mean, he looks amazing. You know what I mean? He's a beautiful man, but he's quite tall. He's must have a big Willie. We're probably doing the classics here, but there was a lad in our school who had one of these leaked as well. And he had a tiny dick and then people in our school would measure their dicks in his dicks. Oh my God. Let's say like his name was Oh my God. Let's say like his name was a John Dan. Like how many guns have you got in your pants? You know what I mean? I know exactly. I know who you mean. John. Yeah. The name day I've been a fucking day. I mean, you're a little Willie. Yeah. Cause the guy, it's

a good kid. It's a little broad. No, he's been brought. Yeah. He's not. Yeah. He's a good kid. Let's live abroad. No, he's a good lad. He knows who he is. You know who you are. Well, there was some... He's a patron. He genuinely is. And shout out to Joel Domit, who looks like he's got a fucking weapon. We've got some executive orders from listeners. Zach says, executive order, all restaurants should give the option to pay upfront like Nando's. No. It does feel good though, doesn't it? When you're finishing, you can just leave. I mean the option, yeah. Do you know what the option I'm into? But like, if I'm going

to Nando's, I do enjoy that. Just being like, right, I've paid for my dinner and I'm going. But like if I'm going for a night out meal, if I'm going for a meal, like going to Nando's isn't going for a meal is it? But if I'm going for a meal, going out for a meal, I like being able to add to it. Like all those oysters when I used to have 14 more please man. And also you can't barely tip because you don't know. There might be an amazing serving. You're like, well I've already paid. Well, but see the thing about Nando's is that sometimes they come up to you and they go, oh, is everything okay? And, or can I get you anything else? And you're like, well,

no, you can't. I can't use this. Can you go and refill this? Because it's not a fucking job. Officially, Mark, you can and they will. Really? Yes. As long as you're not a cunt, as long as you're not a dick, if they come up and go, is everything all right with your meal? Do you need anything? You can go, I have seen someone go, could I have a refill on this? And they've gone, yeah, because you're eating already and you're being nice about

it. If you need to buy anything else off the menu, they'll bring it. They'll just also bring the little fucking cash machine. Yeah. I've done that. I'll do a Tony boob boob. Although I tell you what, that's a good tip because on multiple occasions I have forgot a perinase and more often than not they've either forgot to bring the card reader and just gave me it or they'll just give me it for free. That is a Nando's hack. If you order the perinase after the fact, they will just give you it for free. Yeah. Or say you didn't give me it, they'll always go, yeah, all right, sorry love, we ordered 27 perinases there. I love being nice to the woman at Ellesmere Port. I don't know why she still works there. She's 60 years old she works at the Nando's. I once went to her,

morning how are you? She went, oh love I am very well thank you for asking. People get very emotional when they're near death don't they? I'm deaf. I thought you thought I was... Please don't kill me. I'm not deaf. You should introduce hearty uncle Robert. Same age. Probably went to school together. Jake Hayhurst says, All car seats should use the same universal code for their position.

So 1 to 10 from the distance from wheel and a to H for the height of the seat That way if you get into a new car or you borrow your mates All you have to do is put the code in instead of trying to guess So everyone knows that there are B6 that would have helped the guy that tried to steal my car Here we go, I think this fella writes on his bottles of milk. I reckon he's a fucking little gimp. What would you write on your bottle of milk? Milk here. You know, not know about that in like house shares and stuff. Like four liters of two liters, like four pints of milk. People use their milk for like a cup of tea or a bowl of cereal and they'll get a sharpie and put a line on the milk. Like a height chart. Like where the milk

line is so that if one of their housemates uses some of the milk they can be like... See all I do there is use it and put water in it. You're getting worse milk, you soft swat. Is there any skim now that? That works really well, that's what I do with our milk. You've got to. With who? You live with your family? Yeah, they're all after my milk mate. You don't know how to do that with your family then. Like you're in the house. Oh I was really holding that together. You actually had me for a second there. Back off Jack you little shit.

I think it's so bad for your vibes that all of us sort of bought that for a second. There was a second where I nearly got away with it. Just share your milk and then someone else gets a milk. Josh Shaw says executive orders make eating in bed illegal. Have every bed fitted with sophisticated sensors. But when a crumb of food is detected, you get killed. Apparently name and shame. You're going to prison. It's my bed. Yeah. I think it's a fair point that it should be illegal for you to eat in Josh Shaw's bed. Yes. Is there any meals you can't eat in bed?

Oh, who's taking a lasagna to bed? No, like last weekend on... Oh, sorry, Carl. You every night. Adam, would you eat lasagna in bed? Yeah, I would. A flake, I think a flake without a plate. Oh, can I just say, Gabby Bryan did Hackney Empire with us on the Murderers Row.

And watching her not understand how a Cadbury's flight worked was so funny. We were like, Oh, just be careful of that. Cause it's a bit of a messy one. And the techers of years of eating flakes, you've just got to sort of commit, haven't you? You've got to get it in, commit. And she was like, Oh, it just fucking exploded. What was she like?

She know what she's like. like, it just fucking exploded. She went, what are you doing? Eating chocolate? Like no, you have to eat it. Like it was, it was wild. What's your name? Deep throat. Next time she's on, we should be, we should do a Gabby versus sweets or some. Yeah. Cause she just, it was so wild watching it. She'd never had the Milky Way. Or a Milky Bar. Well up there Milky Way for just absolute all timers. Steady. But the problem with Milky Ways is they come in a pack of seven,

don't they? And you could quite easily 21 of them. Yeah, they don't exist. If you can. Hang on. You can just buy a Milky Way though. You don't have to buy a pack of seven. If you're in a corner You can just buy a Milky Way though. You don't have to buy a pack of seven. If you're in a corner shop and you're funding a Milky Way, you don't

have to go to Morrison's to get the packet seven. No, but if you buy a pack of seven, you got to mean is if you buy one Milky Way feels like two crisps. You know, I've seen seen things are multi packs. I've often felt like you get the big multi packs of like monster munch or whatever and they've got 10 packets in it. I think they should do just one big massive bag that's just full up. That's just what you can just buy a big bag. 800 grams of Monster Muncher. When I'm hungover, honestly crisps don't, they don't fill my stomach like if I eat a crisp when I'm hungover, it disappears in my throat. Like I've got a bottomless pit for crisps when I'm hungover. I could

eat genuinely two full multi-packs of crisps and then have a full Chinese. Easily. Yeah. Like they don't exist. Chinese salt and pepper. What's this fucking food? What's your hangover meal of choice, Mark? Are you a big boozer? I like a drink, aye. I would say I love a Scottish breakfast, which is an English breakfast, but with potato scones and square sausage and haggis. City Cafe in Edinburgh, right by Monkey Barrel.

They do a fucking class Scottish breakfast. Well, there's a place, well, there's two places in Edinburgh I think are better. The Snacks Cafe is a really good one if you just want like a roll, square sausage, that type of thing. Monk Pelliers is like a posh one and that'd be a really cracking Scottish breakfast there, but it's great because Potato Scones, which I don't think are really a thing even here, but they're amazing and square sausages is cracking. That's my favourite bits of a fry up anyway. And that's like the staple

of the Scottish breakfast versus English one. I tell you what as well in Glasgow, there's a place called the Kelvin Grove cafe and they do a, um, a black pudding Benedict thing. So it's the poached egg with the hollandaise black pudding on like a, a toasted muffin sauce thing. So it's the poached egg with the hollandaise black pudding on like a toasted muffin sort of thing. All Scottish shops, like newsagents are so prepared for hangovers. Because they have trays of beautiful fresh bread. Yeah, rolls and stuff. Yeah. But like, it's like they've just been delivered and put down in like they're still in the sort of the palette almost.

It's not like you go into a co-op and they're like, Oh, here's the sort of pastries and whatnot. There's just these like trays of the most amazing cobs almost. And then you can also get iron brewing glass bottles, which makes sense. You need to iron brew with a hangover for sure. What is it? Red Cola? There's so many things that I would never have survived if Iron Brew didn't exist.

Love Iron Brew mate. Let's do a Have A Word and Get The Fuck Outta Here. Have A Words in two sections. Got anything to plug, Mark? Absolutely, I'm on tour, May and June. I'll be in Liverpool, I'll be in Manchester in Leeds all the one weekend 16th, 17th, 18th. I'll be in Newcastle down south and Ireland, Scottish States as well. So May and June for all of them. Markjeniscomedy.com. And where do we follow you? What's your Insta?

At Markjenko. Brilliant stand up, go and watch Mark's stuff. Fucking hilarious. Thank you very much. Uh, we have one have a word to close us out and it's from an onomous... What is it from? Anonymous. It's from an ominous lady. Oh, ominous. Wag wag lids. Can you have a word with my fella? I'm a lass in my mid-twenties.

And he is a... Yeah, don't start that as a joke. Do not help yourself to your brother. And he is in his early forties, So there's a bit of an age gap. Not that much of an age gap. We met when COVID started and his key workers, we were allowed out. So we'd meet up as a shag before and after work. Life was good. Unfortunately, five years ago is the last time he went down on me to completion. So as you can imagine, your gal is frustrated. Anytime we have sex, he never tries to get me in the mood.

He just sticks it in and sets off. If I want to finish, I have to use a toy usually when he's already out of me. Oh, what a... When he's already out of me and washing his knob in the sink. She's a wordsmith. Whenever I bring the topic up, he hasn't made me come in so long, he just says he's not getting constant blow jobs in brackets. He gets blow jobs and it's too much like hard work. I'm not a struggle comer so I'm just failing to understand why he either won't do it or can't be asked. So can you have a word with him for being a selfish cunt please? And that is from a dirty, dirty lady.

Struggle comer? You know what? I've never heard it said before, but I knew exactly what she meant when she said it. When new struggles are come. She's got buttons that you need to push. She's not a struggle comer. Oh, she's an easy lady. Yeah, she's not a struggle comer. She's an easy lady.

Honestly, three and a half minutes in the same position, a decent rhythm. Phil Collins involved? You ever struggled to make a woman come back? Well, listen, cause it's, you know, having sex with different people is just like then stand up to different audiences and because you do the same stuff and it gets totally different reactions. You know what I mean? Like sometimes you're like, you know, it's morning and sometimes you're like,

sometimes you're just like, I'm not that good. Just probably thinking about the last guy. But I just feel like, yeah, man, this guy's got, you know, I mean, especially long-term relationship, you've got to, you've got to try and do your best to please your partner. And that's, that's not on in my book. It's not on at all. I don't, I don't understand men who don't want to do this as well. But you feel shit if you don't at least give it your best. Don't you? Oh, the last time I didn't make Laura come because I got too excited. I was

just there, you know, it's the big game. I just got excited and I couldn't hold it in any longer. And I, it was a full apology. It was a handshake and I'll, you know, we'll see you next month. Well, I feel like there's a thing with guys as well. Cause like, you know, like there's a difference between like making, like making a woman orgasm with your deck versus, you know, your fingers, it's about like getting a finish in UFC where a knockout as opposed to like, you know, a submission. It's like, you're still getting the finish, but it doesn't look as good for the cameras. It's a walk off knockout in it. It's straight away. You're like, but they'll take a TKO. I mean, my gal will take a TKO.

It's all the same. Why is he washing his cock in the sink? Maybe she's got a stinky biff. That's why you're running... Turn it around on her. There you go. You were right. We haven't seen it from that angle, Adam. It's her fault, the dirty smelly bitch. We're just using the evidence that has been presented with us.

I'm just taking from her words. Every time his cock touches her pussy, he feels the need to wash it. So maybe he doesn't want to lick that. Maybe he won't go down there with his fears. I think the telltale... Stop wiping front to back and see if that changes anything. Cause you might as well have a cunt full of shit. She's dead. I think the telltale saying is his excuse is that he's saying I'm

not getting constant blowjobs, which does show that I think he's a sailfish lover. This is what I'm being told. Yeah, but she's smelly as fuck. I'm still uncomfortable as shit, by the way, the other one about you is holy fuck. I know. You might. I don't know. You don't know. Turn it round on here. You're a pussy. I'm not. You turned it round. No, I just put together. She needs to turn it around and wipe the wrong way apparently.

If you do not bit of this, what do you think is going to happen? Just don't say it again out loud. We'll imagine it. It's your fault. Oh, there you go. Pussy. Come on. You need to get yourself a really good shower head.

Get in the chemical dip and then he'll be into it. Dan's moving. I thought we were all friends here. I think you can have an intervention there and be like, look, we need to talk about the... Hang on. When you're with your lady lumps, your partner, are you sometimes, is it all just mystique and then pow, you've, you know, you're doing the moves, fucking

subdued. Or do you afterwards go, Hey, did you, did you like that? I'm thinking, you know, did you enjoy that bit? What do you like? Are you having a little debrief sometimes tell I can tell like the smallish nuances where they're like, Oh, she's not into this. Or you can tell everything like the noises, the moves, the faces. You can tell instantly. The faces. Yeah. Oh, we always have to have a light on. When you go home and like Laura's in a mood and she doesn't even have to say anything, but you know, cause like little text, even through text, you're like, oh, there's something wrong here. It's the same in sex. Oh, they went into that.

Right. Leave the telly on. And if they're sort of like still watching it while you're fucking, you know, you're doing a bad job. She loves the telly on and if they're sort of like still watching it while you're fucking, you know you're doing a bad job. She loves the telly. What if it's draft day now? He's watching as well. On me phone. We have multi-screens up. It's like a sports book. In all reality this fella's an asshole, isn't he? Yeah. You gotta, you gotta bring it up with him like in a serious way. You can't bring it up passively. Cause that's what I think a lot of people do with this stuff. They're like, Hey, you don't really go down. I mean, if any more, he's like, well, you don't suck me off every day. You need some time to be like, Hey, listen, you used to munch my box all the time and you don't anymore. And it really is bothering me. I

need to come. But what if he says, yeah, but you've got to come full of shit. If he says that, then I want an apology from everyone in this room. Well how would he put it though, if that was the case? Just like that. Just like that. It's one of the worst things you've ever said, but I know I repeated it. Holy shit.

No one in the world talks like that. No one. I mean, we think we do. I think you think you talk like that, but you don't. Maybe you're going to come full of shit. No one. It's why some people hate us. This is exactly what I expected. He's from Glasgow and it was took him back. Not much.

Jesus Christ. I think he's on it. It's all funny and some of the facts you way. Yeah. Well either give him a, give him a serious talking to or have a good clean because the worrying thing is even though it wasn't worded very pleasantly, he might be right. That sounds like a review of Adams. Five stars. Mark, you've been great. Follow Mark online, go and see him on tour. And we've got tickets for Dan's Anthems available. That is on Sunday the 20th of April. I cannot

wait. I'm really looking forward to it. The first Have A Word dance party. There'll probably be tickets on the door. It's a big old venue. And Finn, have we got shows? You've plugged your shows already. Carl, have you got? It's a friend song. They're a band called Fauna. This is their new song, 730. They're all so cool, like genuinely cool fellas and the music's boss.

So go and give a listen on Spotify. And I just wanted to say as well, you've got three weekends of have a word goodness if you want it in a row. You've got Adam and Friends on the 12th. Also I'm playing in the Jack O'Rounder basement on the 12th. So you've got two options, Weekend After, Dan's Anthems, Weekend After that.

This is a karaoke party, first one of the year. Yeah, Saturday the 26th, we haven't been pushing it much because the Dan's Anthems room at Bongo's Bingo is so big, I've had to keep pushing that. But in the much smaller Teddies, we are doing our fourth karaoke party. 70s theme. And we've decided to go with a theme.

So tickets available. Is it Saturday the 26th or Sunday? Saturday the 26th. And we're going to do a 70s night and I've already bought my fancy dress and I look fucking amazing. All the links for all the tickets are in the description. Thank you, Mark. Thanks so much for having me.

Second time. Yeah. You had a big clip and you had a big, big clip. Did you do well? Yeah. Hopefully we're back for a third sometime soon. Yeah. Yeah. If I wouldn't know day and night I'd keep you in golden rays In golden rays I think I fall in love each time you're near I can't get used to you Can't get used to you And oh, I never wanna forget my heart For giving it to you

It's Monday night, it's 7.30 And it's still bright When the warm lights are beaming in the air tonight And I'll slip slowly cause it feels right And all I'm holding to is, is you Cause I never thought that I would get to And I put my heart out on the road for you It's my night, yeah, cause I'm standing here

And if it's all the same to you, hope we can stay a while we can stay a while if I knew this night would and I would not sleep again not sleep again, not sleep again No, I never wanna forgive my heart for giving me up to you It's my night, it's 7.30 and it's still bright When I'm on my feet in the middle of the night And I step slowly cause it feels right And all I wanna do is kiss you

Cause I never thought that I would get you And I put my heart out on the road for you It's my night And I never wanna go home And I never wanna leave this world Tonight is perfect My heart won't forget tonight Cause I'm spent the winter here It's my night and it's 7.30 and it's still bright But I want my feeling in the air tonight And I said slowly cause it feels right And all I wanna do is kiss you

Cause I never thought that I would get to And I put my heart out on the rug for you It's my night Cause I swear It's my night, I'm gonna fade