Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #327 with Jarlath Regan - Have A Word w/Adam, Dan, Carl & Finn

Episode Date: May 4, 2025

Murderers Row tickets, merch and loads more available on our website! haveawordpod.comTickets for Have A Word Live shows as well as Adam and Dan's tours and previews:Adam's Tour: https://www.adamrowe.comDan's Tour: https://dannightingale.comComedian's Club Chester: https://www.comediansclubchester.comDan & Finn's September Karaoke Party: https://www.skiddle.com/e/40966945Listen to Finn's new single 'Remedy': https://FinnlayK.lnk.to/RemedyAs Adam and Dan said, don't miss out on all of our extra content, we've got one of the best value Patreons in the game. An extra 90+ minute episode every week plus loads of bonus content such as the now infamous Lockdown Lock-ins, the Nashville & Amsterdam specials and our Ghost Hunts! What are you waiting for? Sign up now at https://patreon.com/haveawordpod​Get subscribed to Have A Word Highlights: https://youtube.com/haveawordhighlightsCheck out Finn's single 'Outskirts': https://FinnlayK.lnk.to/OutskirtsThanks to this week's sponsors:Saily | https://saily.com/Download SAILY in your app store and use our code HAVEAWORD at checkout to get an exclusive 15% off your first purchase or go to https://saily.com/haveaword 🌍Lovehoney | https://lovehoney.co/word_podcastLove how you love and take 20% off site wide to unlock sexual happiness and discover a happier you with promo code: AFF-WORD20Manscaped | https://manscaped.com20% off with promo code: WORD20Manual | https://manual.coGet 45% discount on the initial at-home testosterone blood test kit with code: WORD45Merch:https://haveawordpod.comADAM ROWE and DAN NIGHTINGALE are two award winning comedians from Liverpool & Preston, respectively. They are two of the UK's most highly regarded stand-ups and have both performed all over the world. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What's happening lids, before we start this week's episode of the podcast, I've got to tell you my brand new stand up special What's Wrong With Me is out right now on the Have A Word YouTube channel. That's youtube.com slash have a word pod if you're listening on audio and if you watch it on YouTube, you're already there. It's the best thing I've ever done. The production value is insane. The reaction has already been insane.

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Good to be back boys. I missed one. Well, it was understandable. Someone asked for a private, not a private, because that would have been just for them. But someone asked for a sort of half hour podcast specifically about your experience of Liverpool winning the title. Because he was myth that Johnny Bongo was in. And I think there was a lot of people who were happy,

a lot of blues, a lot of non Liverpool fans who were like, oh, we've really dodged a bullet there. This is on Patreon by the way, if you're not a patron, obviously go and sign up at patreon.com slash have a word pod. I missed this week's patron because a combination of a bastard of a hangover and the fact that my vocal cords. No combo. You've done pods with a bastard of a hangover. It was the voice. You've come and still bingoed as have I.

My plan on Saturday night, genuinely Sunday night, whilst drinking my, I was going to say troubles away, but there was no troubles. I was like, I'm just gonna go into the studio and start drinking again in the morning and that'll be dead funny. Right. That was me plan. Yeah.

Could have been done. I think people would have loved it. Yeah. I don't know if it'd have been a 25 minute episode or four hours. But yeah, couldn't speak until about three o'clock in the afternoon. Yeah, you voice note it was and it was like... I think a combination of just

screaming all day but also the amount of red flare smoke that I inhaled throughout the day as well. Absolute fucking flares man. Oh, it was such a good day. Seventies karaoke. Flares did well, didn't they? How do you feel about the Everton fan who relabeled the blue ones into red? It's really funny and it's especially funny because there's only about six of them. It's clever shit, Housery, you've got to give them that. It's definitely good shit, Housery. Yeah, really clever, funny.

What was the one that you told me about where anyone was actually pissed off with? Where you redirected a bus to the wrong place. Oh, that's Richard, Richard Arlison. Oh, yeah. That's the best one. That's the Champions League final. I think that's too country though. Cause then they missed the game was when it was the spares. One was a Madrid, Madrid one years ago. Um, obviously all the flights

and stuff are difficult to get. So people like other folks are going to get there. It was Paris, wasn't it? Um, and he put a load of coaches on the cultures on exist, but then I saw the, all these people went to rocket, which is a poor one. the start of the 62 to get picked up. And Richard Allison was obviously Rich Allison. It wasn't him. Right. And it was our loss. No, because a really stupid annoying woman made a TikTok about it. It was that funny. Oh yeah. Is that too far with the bands though? Cause then those- Yeah, yeah. That's pretty hard of all, yeah.

All right. Okay. Good. I just wanted to- It is, yeah. A blue flare when you're like, that's funny. But also like there's rumors that it was going to be like 10,000 flares and it was all going to be blue. That would have annoyed me. But the fact like that would have annoyed me a bit. But like there was like six all day.

Right. And like I didn't see any of them where I was, it was just red. But there's like six or seven pictures of like people who just sat. There's one in the ground and he had to hide under the chair. Oh yeah, I saw that. It's the perfect shit, how's it? No one gonna hate, no one was really arsed and it was funny. Yeah. seven pitches of like people who just sat was one in the ground and he had to hide under the chair. It's the perfect. She's, how's it? No, I'm gonna, no, it was really arsed. And it was funny. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, judge, did you have a good time? That guy's not getting his own fucking 40 minute. No, but you hear it. It was a, it's mad because anyone who's not into football thinks that when you talk about stuff like this, that it's like Anyone who's not into football thinks that when you talk about stuff like this, that it's like, you're being a bit of a fucking melt or whatever. I'm 33 and I've waited my entire life for that day. Because when you won it in COVID. It wasn't like that, you know what I mean?

When we won it in COVID, it was cause City got beat by Chelsea and it was like, should we celebrate then? Have we won it? It was great. But this was like the amount of times we've lost by a point or a couple of points or whatever, or even in like 2009 when we got really close to United

and then we dropped points and they beat us to that. And last year, I suppose, doesn't really count. I read a thing from Neil Atkinson where he's like, I don't include last year because I think last year was building towards this year and I think he's right. But there's been so many near misses and then the one that we did when we couldn't

celebrate properly and Sunday was just, it's like God had gone, right, you know what? We'll just give them here. In the exact way they could possibly want it. So we'll do it Sunday, our four kickoff, which means they can get the ground around lunchtime, get on the aisle, Blair and sunshine. Let's have Blair and sunshine from lunchtime till 9 p.m.

And yeah, we'll have everyone. We'll let Tottenham go one nil up just so that they get to celebrate twice. They get to celebrate an equalizer and taking the lead. And then they can just win five one. Salah can score the one that really seals it. And we'll roll out the first one just so they get two bits of joy in the first goal.

It was just absolute. Like it was AI Liverpool title day. Yeah. And Tottenham played their role really well. They turned up and were just shining. They did a really good job of being Tottenham for the day. All of them and there and loads of their fans stayed after the final whistle and was just watching it all.

I seen a tweet from them, like one of their like well-followed like Tottenham fans on Twitter, being like that is the most mental thing I've ever experienced as a football fan. It wasn't even my team. No animosity, no major animosity between Spurs and Liverpool. But also we just beat Arsenal to the title. So they're made up.

No one gives a fuck about Tottenham right now. They just... No, but I'm a fuck about Tottenham right now. No, but I'm just from a Tottenham point of view. There's no, you know, cause certain fans, yeah. I mean, there's Cockneys and Scots, I suppose, but nobody actually gives a fuck. No, and they're not Cockneys though. Southerners.

But it was just a fucking perfect day. So I was in Dublin the two nights before doing the Laugh-A-Lounge. And then you came to Liverpool with half of Dublin. Yeah. It felt pretty Irish in Liverpool. Oh, that first, I got on the 6.55 AM flight and it was full of people in Liverpool tops.

I only had three hours sleep before that full day as well, but that didn't really matter. So 7.55 AM flight, got back to Liverpool an hour later, straight to mine and like my plan was like, get back early, have a little two hour nap. But I was like a fucking kid on Christmas morning. There was not a chance I was gonna be able to go to sleep. I'm just pumping with adrenaline.

So I got on a, I got shaved and like started getting dressed slowly. Cause in my head, me and Jack were gonna meet Alfie and his son, get a taxi and go and meet Josh near the ground for around 12, 12.30. That was the plan. Alfie texted me and was like, I'm going to have to go into town first and drop me luggage at Lyme Street station because me and Donny, his son, we're getting the very last train home. So we're going to come and do the whole thing, but then we're going to go back to London tonight

because he's got school tomorrow. And I was like, sound, make sense, go and put your stuff in the luggage storage. So, you know when you just, you've got too much time to get ready because it's eight o'clock in the morning and I'm trying to sort of pace out getting ready until lunchtime.

So I'm going really slow and then I was just like, and Jack was ready as well. And I was like, right, I want a coffee. Tell you what, I went to Jack, do you want a coffee? He was like, no. So I went on Deliveroo and I ordered two extra strong Americanos

from Cafe Nero to be delivered to me house. And while they were getting delivered, I think they arrived at like half nine and I nailed both of them within about 15 minutes. Cause I was like, I just want to be wired for the day. And then Jack was like, should we just have a catalog? This is a quarter to 10 in the morning. So I was like, I just wanna be wired for the day. And then Jack was like, should we just have a can of lager? This is a quarter to 10 in the morning.

So I was like, yeah. And then as we sort of got halfway through that, I was like, should we just fucking go? Should we just go and get there? So he showed me his new flat that he's moving to, Jack, when we all move out to the flat. And then we got there and I text Josh, I was like, I think we're just gonna go to the grounds.

And it was like 11 a.m., so we're like over an hour early. And we just, Josh was like, I'm ready as just going to go to the grounds. And it was like 11 AM. So we're like over an hour early. And we just, Josh was like, I'm ready as well. I've been waiting for you. So we all got the ground. We had the duvet taken off. We had like 30 cans of lager with us, but we were like, we've got to make these last till our four here. So when we got there, it was getting busy,

but it was quiet enough that the bars were still like, you can walk in and get served straight away. So I was like, let's keep the cans of lager for now. And I'll just go and get three Guinness because we'll keep them. We'll get some ice from the shop, fill the bags with ice and they'll stay cold. So we did, we had a few pints of Guinness

and then we walked around to where the coach was coming in. The coach was late because it took so long to get through all the people. And yeah, then me and Josh got in the ground at three o'clock an hour and a half before kickoff. And a few had two drinks before the game in the ground and then a half time. So youime, so you're not allowed to take alcohol into the stands. You can drink it in the stand. On the concourse. Yeah, okay. But listen to this, right?

So at halftime we go down, we were drinking Summers B-Cider because it's just a bit nicer than Carlsberg, know what I mean? So we had one and then I went, should we just get another one and just smuggle it upstairs? It's like, we'll just put it in our back pocket and put like your T-shirts over it.

They're not gonna fucking stop us. Josh was like, yeah, let's go. When we walked to the till, I went to the girl, can I have two summers besides us please? And she goes, oh lads, we're fully out of cider. Everyone's been drinking that. All I've got now is pints.

And I went, like being serious, but also, you know, joking. I went, yeah, but they're impossible to smuggle upstairs, girl, aren't they? And she laughed and then went, do you want me to put it in a Coke cup for you? So she just like risked her job cause like she was just being sound and she gave us a pint each in a Coke cup

and we just walked upstairs with them. Alex said the cops sold out of alcohol. Like they had no alcohol left. Yeah, there was no bottles. There was just, there was just draft in the end. It was just, there was just draft in the end. It was, it was just fucking insane. And then afterwards we stayed in the ground for like half an hour, an hour. And then Josh was like, me brother's in the cop bar. It's opposite the church, which is normally where we'd sort of head towards. And I was like, right, we'll walk to him. But as we were walking

past the Sandin to get there, I noticed the Sandin's bar queue was a bit quiet. And I was like, right, we'll walk to him. But as we were walking past the Sandin to get there, I noticed the Sandin's bar queue was a bit quiet. And I thought that Cop and Bar gets fucking heavin'. I went, Josh, come here a sec. We walked in the Sandin, I was like, can I have four Guinness, please, love? And I got us two each, because I was like, if we can't get served in the Cop and Bar, then we've already got a couple of drinks.

And as I came out of the Sandin with four Guinness, Jack and Alfie and his son were literally like crossing our path, because we'd told them where we were going. So we all just had one of them each. Then we went in the, the off-license ran out of alcohol. So the fella did a Costco run

and came back with more to refill his own off-license. So then we got a load of them. I worked out by time, because then after all of that, Alfie and his son had to go home, me, Jack and Josh, and Josh's brother, and Josh's brother's mates, we went to Pogues, which was on fire.

But I worked out yesterday with Jack that by the time we left Anfield to go to Pogues, we'd all had 19 drinks. I'd be in the bin. And here's the thing, we probably had another eight in pokes maybe. Jesus Christ. But then at like midnight-ish,

I just went, it's time, it's time to go home. But I didn't realize what time it was. So I went to the, I went to the bouton, got myself burger and chips and chicken nuggets. And cause I was going home and I knew my missus was in and she always, if I'm on my way, I hadn't told her I was coming home yet cause she'd text me at like an hour before

saying she was going to bed. Sure, if I'm on my way home, she goes get me a garlic bread with cheese. So I'm trying to get like boyfriend points. And I went, a garlic bread with cheese please mate. So I turn up at the house. I've already ate all of my food in the taxi, all gone. And I turn up and she'd had to leave a key out for me

because I didn't take mine with me, which was a good call. I had me wallet and I took her disposable camera and I was like, I don't want anything else. So I was like, you can just leave me a key out. And as I put the key in, she was just in the hallway awake and it turns out the car alarm going off on Eggbefro that just like woke her up. It's a loud alarm now.

So as I come in, she went, are you all right? And I went, yeah, I'm actually all right. And she went, what's going on? And I went, what do you mean what's going on? She went, you can speak. And I went, yeah, yeah, I actually feel all right. And I went, here's the garlic bread you asked for. And she went, I didn't ask you for garlic bread. And I went, oh, well, I don't know what's going on here. Cause I forgot the thought I had in the kebab shop. Like I'll just take one home. And then I said to her, right,

I want to watch all of the match now. And she went, well, you're doing that in the living room. And I went down to the living room to watch the match. And then I'll let you put this in. I came. I came in about an hour later. Wow. It was a good match. Picture.

Is a happy baby. Phone drops. Remote still in my claw. And yeah, then woke up yesterday and couldn't speak. Good day though. Not yesterday, day before. 27 pints. You think?

Well, what are you, what is keeping you up there? The Cansalaga we had were, Oh, right. 27 drinks.. 27 drinks. Just 27 drinks. Just being held up by joy, essentially. I reckon those two coffees I had did a bit of the heavy lifting.

There you go, guys. That's over the space of like 14 hours though, innit? Yeah. It's two an hour. For the nice sensible drinking, right? Drive home. Just needs four Americanos, just get a fucking chante.

I do think genuinely that when it comes to drinking like that, I do think I'm just built different to most people. So what happens when you go into a lost toddler drunk? That happens when I have an et. Right. When I have an et properly and I mix me drinks and I'm having

spirits and wine, like a Carl's wedding on the wedding day. I barely ate anything because I didn't like the main course because I don't think it was very good. And earlier in the day, after the wedding, when they put that initial spread on, we were doing photos and I was like trying to sort of make sure they're all right and keeping an eye on things and whatever. So I'm also going, I've got to do a speech in a bit. It's constant excitement. So I didn't eat at all. We'd been drinking since the morning.

And then when we were sat around the dinner table watching the speeches in between courses, one of Sereka's hens, Jazz was sat next to me. And every time I finished the drink, she just goes, you want some more? She found it funny to get me pissed. She's the one who gave me the big shot of Jack. She She found it funny to get me pissed. She's the one who gave me the big shot of Jack. She was found it funny to get me hammered.

So I was being fed red wine, white wine, champagne. Aperol spritz. Aperol spritz. And Jack, that's when that happens. If I just stay on beer or like big drinks, like beer cider, Guinness, whatever for the day. I can just fucking put me shit away and it's class. But also I'm out with Jack Finnegan and Josh who can also do the exact same thing. Heavyweights. It's a heavyweight title fight. I've never seen Jack drunk.

I have. Jack was more drunk than me on Sunday. He smoked a lot of flair as well. That'll keep you going. Yeah, yeah, yeah. See in the video. But yeah, when people like, cause every time I tell a story like this, I think some people think I'm full of shit.

Do you know what I mean? No. But for someone to do that, they do normally need a bit of help from the old devil's sugar cane. Devil's sugar cane. That's what they call it. And I know it well. Who calls it that? No, no one in history, but like I just don't need it. I can just keep going. Cacaine. Yeah. Cacaine. Yeah. Well, what does it feel? Tell me, this will be the last of it. You've won Champions Leagues in the last 20 years.

Does that feel, that's obviously fucking amazing. What is it about the league that feels so much more special? So there's a few things. There's a combination of things. First of all, we've been so close so many times and not got it. And we feel like we've deserved it. Like when you get 97 points and don't win it,

that's really difficult to fucking. It is, it's objectively funny, isn't it? It's really, really hard to take that as a fun. On top of that, we've never- Did they get 98? Yeah. All right, all right. Yeah.

And then the year after we got, no, the year after we won it, but the year after that- They got 100. Two years after that, we got 92 and they got 93. We've lost it by a point twice with over 90 points ourselves. And also you've got a history of winning league and the eight, the seventies and eighties. But I've never seen any of that. Yeah.

Born 92. So we've never seen it. It's the one we've always wanted. And here's the thing. In my opinion, the European Cup is still the slightly bigger trophy. But the way football fans see football now is there's the big two and the other two in England. There's the Champions League in the league and there's the two domestic cups. And I put most people

would put the FA Cup slightly above the Carabao Cup. Feels like it. But they're the same to me. They genuinely are. You're at Wembley, you're celebrating something. Yeah, they're the same to me. And the league and the Champions League are the same to a lot of people as well. And some people would say the league is bigger because it's your bread and butter and whatever.

And some people say the European Cup for me is the biggest trophy. Every single team in Europe is one say and only one team in Europe gets every year. There's, you know, 20 leagues in Europe. So there's 20 league titles every year. There's one European club. What I would say about that though, the best team in the league wins the league every single year. The best team in the league wins the league. It's not always the best team in Europe. Real Madrid have won the champions league finishing fifth league wins the league. It's not always the best team in Europe. Real Madrid have won the champions league finishing fifth that year.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like it's not always the best team in Europe that wins the European Cup because it's knockouts and anyone can lose our game and a stadium can like Liverpool were not the best team in Europe in 2005. They went the best team in any round they played in. Really. We just won on sheer willpower and like Rafa Benitez selling our soul to the devils that we didn't win anything for the next 15 years. It was, but when you went, no, like as much as Arsenal fans, and I don't mean actual Arsenal fans,

I mean the fucking little Twitter gimps and the TikTok gimps. There's a lot of fans of other clubs who would want to try and take away from this, be like, oh, the refs have helped them. If you've watched any Liverpool game, you would know we get zero help from referees. I want them all. I don't mean this, but dad, they're fucking horrendous. They're Christ. Now we're not playing the referees Christmas dinner. Brilliant. And

then there's other, there's other people who like, oh, they've been lucky with injuries. We absolutely haven't been lucky with injuries. So many of our major players have been missing for so many games. But the actual truth is you can, whoever wins the league, you can never actually take away, especially when you dance through it by fucking 15 points or whatever we're gonna win it by.

Like we're the best team in the country, that's a fact. And I'm quite comfortable with the fact that my football support and life will never be better than Sunday was. It's peaked and I'm fine with it. Would it not be beaten by the way City did it to use that was two years ago when with a bit of jeopardy. Like they were 2-0 down, 1-3-2 last game. I mean, that's going to feel amazing. Surely that beats it though. So the moment, the release of winning it, yeah.

The day, no. Like I woke up Sunday morning in Dublin and knew that I was going to Anfield, we were going to win the league, and it was a party from 6 a.m. for me. I woke up like singing, listening to Not and but Liverpool songs in my ears, playing, singing. Like everyone's in Liverpool, we get back, I'm getting ready, I know we're gonna... Tottenham go 1-0 up and I burst out laughing.

Because I was like, it just doesn't matter, we're gonna absolutely batter them. It was just a procession, it was a party. And that day, it's also our first one. So the next one, if we won it on the last day of the season, when the last minute goal, the moment will be unbelievable. That moment, the day won't be, it can't be topped. It can't be. And I'm fine with it. And I'm absolutely in the majority of Liverpool fans who, based on everything I've seen. Been doing some good boozing recently, haven't we? Considering you had like three or four weeks off boozing,

we are in a booze room. Another weekend as well, coming up. Yeah, this year has been booze. Oh, will you help me out with my kids this weekend? I'm really- Do you want to do it with them? Yeah, can you just- Can you entertain them?

Can I, I just want to be able to drink and I've got, I'm going into this wedding with, it's Will Hutchby's wedding this weekend on Anglesey. The weather looks amazing. Is it on Anglesey? Is it a peninsula? Yeah. Is it, yeah. What?

Is it a peninsula, yeah? Yeah. You got to go over a bridge. It's the island of Anglesey. Oh, is it an island? Yeah. Ah. With the whittles on the whittle,

cause it's a peninsula. All right. Well I think we're getting in the weeds here a little bit. You can say Ian as well. You're going to be on the island of Anglesey. I think you can say on Anglesey can't you? Where are you? I'm on Anglesey. on Britain, do we? LAUGHS Cool. We're going to be in Anglesey. LAUGHS Erm... But I love boozy weddings and Will's such a good boozer.

Yeah. And I've been on the Stag Do, I know a lot of the characters, all of us lot are coming. Theon, Super Sounds, one of them marriages where you're like, these two are great, this is going to be good. And then my fucking kids are there. And I'm so happy for them. Cause Etta is the most excited I've ever seen any kid

about anything. Like she's getting close to Adam on Sunday. I think this is her league title. She's bringing the flares. She's bringing flares. She's going to have two Americanos, bag of shite. And then she's just straight on the big drinks. You know? Ribena, fruit juice. But in my head I'm like, am I going to be able to fully enjoy this, knowing that my two offspring are just fucking flying around?

It's a very interesting opinion on children at weddings. It separates a lot of people. I lean on one side, some people lean on the other. Well, we've leaned so far that we haven't got childcare options. They're there. Can you just, can everyone just make sure my kids don't fall off Anglesey? Is Jack allowed to be here yet? Yeah, of course. Yeah.

I mean, he's just a fool. If you see me and Adam in the corner with Jack. He's got to be ready for primary school. If you see me and Adam in the corner with Jack, no, you didn't. That's what I'm saying. That sounds really bad. Whoa.

That's really not how parenting works. We're probably gambling, shooting some dice, you know. Oh, we could. A couple of cigars. Oh, we should absolutely teach them to works. Probably gambling, shooting some dice, you know. Oh, we could. A couple of cigars. Oh, we should absolutely teach them to play. Jingles. Yeah. Yeah. I was gonna call it pigeon then.

Is it pigeon as well? Or is that a different thing? It's a pigeon, maybe. Yeah, but I think that got bastardized to pigeon. Yeah, I call it jingles. It's on pigeon. Is that throwing dice against the wall? No, coins.

Yeah, me and you, everyone's got a pound. Closest to the wall wins all the pounds. But if I hit your pound, I win that one immediately. You are gonna love gambling with Jack because last time I tried to give him some money, I gave him a tenner and he asked for a pound because it was shiny. I think you're going to quite enjoy

gambling with him. He's not particularly money driven. He's like a fucking magpie. Is he coming in a little suit? He's coming in a little suit. He's got a granddad collar cause I think he'll, I don't think he'll. That's well cute. Yeah. It's like buttoned up, but then just like a t-shirt collar. You know what I mean? There's no collar on it. Yeah. Etta's got a fly redress. She's one of those Muslim look. Yeah. Well, he's converted. So I think that too. It looks like I don't know why, but every time I see it, I just think of Sharia law is a dish dash. Is that what it's called? Now what's a dish dash? That's

the delivery. That's like what the Saudis were. Oh right. But yeah, it's like the no color thing. And I think it's actually dish a dash. Is it?way. Dish dasher. I wore one to my sister's graduation. We're all good. What? I wore one of them to my sister's graduation because I came back from America, like my older sister and I didn't have any shirts. I just had that one and I wore it and yeah. Why did you have a dish dasher? What do you mean? Do you mean the shirt or a full dish dasher? Is that a shirt or a full Dish Dasha? Is that a shirt without a collar? Go to the floor.

Oh no, I didn't dress up as a Muslim. Go around Dubai mall. Yeah. You just turned up as a shaker. Yeah. I had the whole kind of like Ramadan collar going on. Yeah. But I don't know why it makes me think of Muslims, but it does.

It does. Ishan wears them. Does he? Yeah, he wears the collar. He wears that a lot. Just to clear up, it's just a collarless shirt, by the way, lads. He's not going to turn up in something culturally inappropriate.

Is he bringing us mad? Ishan's not going to pull me aside and go, bro, what's going on with your son? I think he's taking the piss. He's got a fucking sari on. Ishan's doing the service, isn't he? Yeah. Hack. He's also doing a rope tie-in.

Yeah. Cause they're very kinky as a couple. So you can't get BDSM out of there. Ishan had to be talked out of wearing a fake suicide vest. Do you know about this? No. So he wanted to wear a- I was just happy to hear that at your wedding.

He wanted to wear a suicide vest under his suit. And at the end of like marrying them, take it off as like a joke. And we'll have to be like, there's people in my family who will just assume you're about to blow them up. And then when we said that, he went, no, but it's gonna explode. And then confetti will blow out of it.

He was like, did you get it? I was like, yeah. So he watched me be the celebrant at your wedding and went, there's not enough terrorism references. And looking back, I just think I should have mentioned nine 11 at least once just to make you happy. I don't really remember. I was like, I don't really remember that. I remember crying, making her cry. I punched her, you know, that was a little jab in the kidneys.

Just a little whisper. You could have made the fucking effort. I remember looking at you and going, oh shit, Dan's nervous, that feels weird. And then, bam, we were drinking. Weird. It was, yeah, it wasn't a long service. It was fast, wasn't it? I think it just moved quickly.

What we do in a mass. A mass. They're not invited. Just moved at a nice pace. I think that worked well. I'm missing Liverpool's title parade for my brother's wedding and I'm really considering

swapping that around. Is he a red? He's getting married on a Monday. No, so the wedding's on the Sunday, but there's no fights back on the Monday. Where's the wedding? Lisbon. the gay bar. Why has he done that? Because he booked it 18 months ago.

You wouldn't know, would you? You would know that the last weekend in May might actually cause problems as a Liverpool fan, yeah? I said that. When he booked it, like 18 months ago, or when the fix just came out, you know it's the last day of the season, right? He was like, yeah, but we can't do anything about it. And he was like, like everyone was

last season. He was like, we're probably not going to win the league. And then, you know, what are you going to do? I want it noted for the record, by the way, I had faith from day one. I booked a hospitality ticket for the palace game at the start of the season. The second they went on sale, I was like, I just, I just got a feeling, got a little feeling. That ticket is now going for four grand, the one I've got. Jesus. 300 credit cost me.

That's the one you- Have you still got it? Yeah. Don't even fucking whisper it out your mouth. Am I going, you think I'm going to sell it? If you get offered one in the cop, would you swap, like sell it and then swap it? If the one in the cop was face value? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You shouldn't be selling your ticket. Did you see that picture of them people who said you'd sell it? Wouldn't you? What? The ticket I've got. That's how he's earning more. The Champions League final.

I've missed. I've totally missed. The Palace game is that when they get the trophy. Sorry. I, sorry. Oh, I know. I thought you bought a Champions League ticket. I've missed. You booked a hotel in Istanbul. Yeah, that's it. I've got the stories mixed up. They rang me on the day because I never cancelled it. What? You didn't cancel it? Hello, mate. Hello, mate. Just wondering what time you're checking in, mate.

And I went, I'm not coming. And he goes, oh, mate, you have to tell us these things, you know, to charge you now, mate. And I went, yeah, yeah, that's okay. You're just gonna have to tell us these things, you know, to charge you now, Matt. And I went, yeah, yeah, that's okay. You just have to charge on it. It goes, if I can move the room on it, I won't charge you, Matt. And they did. I don't know. I'm guessing they both. He ran back five times. Could be speaking to him again. No, but yeah, there was a picture on going round and it's a group of, it must be a family of six or seven people, maybe from the States, whatever. And the caption, they've got all the pictures.

Fair strip to the pool. Fair strip to the pool. They're Norwegian, yeah. There's a lot of like outpouring of anger towards them. And then mainly the people who sold them the tickets because. Yeah, but it's just so stupid, isn't it? Like it happens and they all know it happens. Of course it happens. And they all use it. Like the people who were having a go with them, then people use the exact same

system to get into games that they haven't got tickets for. It's just anti Norwegian rhetoric. So I've got a ticket for the last ever game of goodison. I tried to get more, but obviously the rock and roll shit. I tried to get down one. But I- And Dan refused it. Yes. Yeah. Dan said no, cause there's an evident and funny- It's not on. It's not on. If I'd have got a ticket earlier in the season

for like West Ham at home or something, I had little windows of opportunity and I fucked it. Like that was for whatever reason. I would have loved to see Goodison before. I've seen, I've been to most grounds in the country and that is, it's so sad that one of the most historic grounds, like, is so important, I should have been already and I've missed it. But at this juncture, I can't take a seat.

Even if I'm willing to pay three, four hundred quid, that is not on being at the last game of guns. They're like, this is nice as well. Plus I'm the curse of death because fucking Palace beat Liverpool at Anfield last year when I turned up, put it on my stories, get shit tons of abuse. Yeah, but they're not going to go down. We've got Southampton, I mean, they've actually beat us twice this season. Which is impressive. No, I couldn't do it.

I understand that people don't want that to be able to happen where eight people from Norway can go, oh, well, we'll just choose to go to the game where they're gonna win the league. Great, I understand that that's a problem. Oil money. But everyone who's moaning about it knows someone who touts tickets. Yeah, yeah.

And knows someone who moves stuff on them, whatever. It's fucking horrific. It's dead annoying. And there needs to be massive change in all of football ticketing. I don't see how though. But I don't know how you do it. It's impossible.

Liverpool tried to do it. So what Liverpool did was like, right, here's how it's gonna work from now on. You've got your season ticket. And if you wanna send that to anyone, you've got to pick a list of five family and friends and you link them to your accounts and they're the only five people you can send that to anyone, you've got to pick a list of five family and friends, and you link them to your accounts, and they're the only five people you can send that ticket to,

no one else. So you can't be selling it to someone in Norway or anywhere. There's Norwegian season ticket holders as well, so it's not just about where they're from. It's five family and friends, and it's the same on membership passes. But with the membership passes, what they do for the sale is,

at the start of the season, they go, right, the sale's now open for everyone who went to all 19 home games in the league last year. And it's not if you went, it's whether you had the credit for the ticket on your account. Same with everyone. Once that sale's done, they then sell it to everyone who went to 18, and then they do it in chunks, I think. So it's like, if you've got between 14 and 16 credits,

and then it's between like 10 and 13, and that's its own sale. And eventually it goes down to people who've got three credits, but there's normally like nothing left for that. And they were like, right, with this, we're not sending tickets out anymore. You have to download your membership card onto your phone.

And that's now your ticket. And they were like, no one's going to lend people their phones. But then everyone went mobile, just get burner phones. So now literally every Liverpool fan I know has got two phones, their phone. And the one that's got the, there's nothing else on it. Like they go, the password is one, two, three, four, scan that in and meet me at the Shankie statue. Actually the game and give me my phone back.

So they're, they're passing the burner phone back. Yeah, just turn the ticket into a phone. Yeah. I mean, they've tried. I don't think there's any way around. People wanna sell the tickets. Unless you get like a tattoo on your arm and it's a QR code, there's no way around it.

Yeah, but then someone could just copy your tattoo. I've had my arm fucking chopped off. You're gonna have to pass me that back at the end of the game. The actual only way to do it would be fingerprints. Yeah. Let's go dinners. Yeah, but you can burn your fingerprints off. Can't you? Why would you do that? Well, and then no one can get in. If you burn your fingerprints off, so you get pineapple juice, you can burn all your fingerprints off and then you, that's true.

What? Nobody benefits. You do that and then you do the fingerprint scan and then it's like, if you want to use my ticket, burn your fingerprints off. That's a Wigan issue. Wigan ticket is like, where? That could work actually. You've got 10 stadiums as well, to be fair. Exactly.

Buy into it, buy be fair. Exactly. Buy into it, buy up your pineapple juice. Is that a thing? That is it. I'm pretty sure that's a thing. Or they could do the bone one that they had at Area 51 that they denied for decades. Oh yeah, it reads like the bones in your hands. Do you know about that one? What?

Bob Lazar. Bob Lazar, mate. Bob Lazar? He sounds like a bad guy from a kids TV show. He's a Pokemon. He's a Pokemon. Do you not know about Bob Lazar. He sounds like a bad guy from a kid's TV show. He's a Pokemon. All right. You don't know about Bob Lazar? Bob Lazar, the whistleblower from area 51. Yeah. So he worked at area 51 fixing spaceships from aliens. And now he's got a season ticket of Wigan.

That was his job. Alien space. And then he was like, this is mad. This I'm going to tell the world my story. And he came out and was like, Hey, I've seen aliens and build spaceships and that. And there was so much stuff that he claimed that like was ridiculed at the time that has since been proven to be true. One of which was an element that wasn't on our periodic table. It is not on earth. You can't find that on earth, but it is on our periodic table now. Yeah. Element one 15. So what it was element one 15. Yeah. You can't find that or you couldn't find that on earth. When I go to crypto, basically. Yeah. Yeah. And the other thing he said, there was a scanner that you put your hand on and it was like one up from fingerprints where it measured the, the, the density and length of the bones in your

hand, which is unique to every human, more unique than even fingerprints are. And everyone was like, oh, the shite that. And then it came out that the element 150 is a thing and the bone thing is real. And back then they denied that he'd ever worked there. They denied he'd ever worked there. It was like, he never worked there.

And he claimed he was in New Mexico when he was scouted at the university, that university that he worked for, because they were obviously pressured by area 51. Well, like he never attended the, he was never a professor there. He never, it was never anything to do with, but there's newspaper cut-ins where he's like being interviewed on behalf of the university. Like he was proper, proper ridiculed and then called crazy and called crazy. And that's the next one in it. He's mental. And then like 20 years later, it's like, proper ridiculed. And then called crazy. And called crazy. That's the next one, isn't it? Ah, he's mental. And then like 20 years later, he's like,

hey, listen, everything bubbles up. I said, it was full of shit. And he's got a massive willy. He kept that to himself as well. And they're using it for season tickets. I was thinking Bellem reader. Bone scanner, yeah. Bone scanner.

Women, that's what women get in. Yeah, you can't do it, but you knob though, because mine knobs different on different days. What if I'm having a bad cocktail and don't get into the game. Yeah. So we're staying in life. Middle of the day, I'm not getting in a January game.

I can't even get in the fucking computer. It won't reach the scanner. Registers a woman so chilly. That's just a big clip that love. Listen, we're trying to fix this is that we've got a couple of no ideas, a bad idea. Yeah. If that was the thing, right. And they were like, right, we're going to knob scan you. You get a knob scan. This is how we do our pubes. We're going to do our ID check here. Like would you want it scanned on a good cocktail or on your average cocktail? I want, I always

would you not go erect? So you have to wank on you in the line. You've got to get hard in the cube. I love football. I think you've got to go on your average. Because like if you turn up on a cold day and you cock small, it'll scan as like an under 15 ticket or something. Oh yeah.

Oh, this is a kid's ticket. This is a tiny cock. Yeah. There is no good day. No, that is. Is there, there's better than bad days for me. Yeah. There's, there's basically a wreck. I've seen your Willie as well and you exaggerate. How many times you see my Willie? When you see it, you dipped into a haunted lake. You didn't see my Willie. So my undercarriage and I've got a very good gooch. Which I was in the river.

I should call my full bollocks like a couple of weeks back. I'd accidentally, but I showed call my flight. Did the entirety of my bollocks. Yeah. It's a sacrable offense. I'll be showing any sacrable. I was getting changed, but I had like tight. No, you didn't. You had the on these on that you shouldn't even know. But they were Christmas presents. So I felt guilty about wearing them. They don't know. And when I lifted my leg up, they dropped down like a, like a speed bag. Oh, you were playing coccobolic. No, I wasn't playing anything. He was just getting abused. yeah. And they've, they fully dropped out is when I was putting leather, leather pants on to jump off that ladder.

Do you know what? Right. I that combined, like I also showed everyone my pubes yesterday by accident. Um, that combined with the pubes, like I've got, it's like 90s, Justin Hoffman. Like his car, like his face? Just the vibe. Had he, have we got a man scaped out there going into there? It should be now. Yeah. Can you shave your pubes? On advert? No. No. As in like we're going to use you as a test skinny pig because you're a man. Yeah. A grown adult who's never shaved his pubes. I don't think he's got the dexterity to shave his own pubes. A cock must stink mate. No it's fresh. No it isn't fresh at all. I shampoo it. Fucking herbal essences.

Shampoo it. Yeah I guess if he's got an afro that it does make sense. Do you condition your pubes? There's a little cone at the top of it. That's where they gather the lather for the shower gel. Yeah. Lather? You know what I mean? Put it on your skin, you can't really lather up. If you start it in the month. You lather on the shower gel. Yeah. Lather? Do you know what I mean? Put it on your skin, you can't really lather up. If you start it in the month. You lather on your cock and then put it on your face?

No, you put it in there and that's how you lather your bollocks up. Think how much fucking head and shoulders I can fit here, mate. Separate face wash as well. No, but do you use like shower gel or shampoo? On my bollocks, shower gel? Did he use a shampoo? Oh, I used the one that's like

seven in one night fucking dogs, fleas and toothpaste and shampoo. You need to just put it all there. Run it around my body. Do you do your back and your ass as in your ass cheeks? I don't know. They just stop. I don't. Uh, maybe the arse. It depends. It depends if I'm like, God, my arse is a bit bad today. I'll do the arse back wise. Like I don't have the, I might, I've got like the old man. Do I use hands? Do you use your hands or do you use like a loofah or like a man wash? I think hands, but I don't have like, cause if I had a loofah, I'd have to, it'd be a traveling loofah. I'd have to take the loofah everywhere. You put it in your wash bag. Nothing sexy. Or I'd have to buy two loofahs. So I just have no loofahs. Oh, the away day loofah. You put it in your wash bag.

I don't have a wash bag. I just like. You nearly became a man last year and then you stopped. No, I still feel like a man. You're not. You don't shave your pubes. What are you doing when you're going away? You can't drive. There's total... I just buy... What do you put all your wash stuff... I'm buying you a fucking wash brush. Where do you put your toothbrush when you're on the road? It is pubes. I either buy a new toothbrush. And put that where? In my bag. But then my bag now smells of toothpaste because like, or I'll get in after a day, we just turn you into a man or I'll get in after a night out and I'll be like, I forgot my toothbrush again. And normally I'll have some toothpaste or whatever in my bag. Disgusting. Well, cause otherwise then you have space, you have spays in the drawer.

You have spays in the drawer. What if I'm in a hotel or something? So sorry, what do you do? Say that again. Say I'm in a hotel, being on, especially if it's like a lock-in, and I've got not brought me fucking light toothbrush and I'll get in, I'll probably will have,

cause I've got about seven tubes of toothpaste in my bag cause I keep on buying new ones. I'll just rub it on my teeth. Because then otherwise my breath. Do you know every single hotel in the world has toothbrushes that they give you for free? No. Yeah. Can I get that one? No, a lot of the ones you stick. Not the ones I stay at.

No. Yeah, they do. They call it a dental kit because do you know how many people do what you're doing and it costs them next to nothing? Don and don't finger their own teeth. I bought like good sense of dying toothpaste yesterday as well. It was quite like if I knew there was a dental kit, why do you need sensitive? I don't know. I just cause I'm using shit toothpaste and I'm like, I think it's cause you're brushing your teeth with your fingers. Yeah. probably. Yeah, I've also not been the dentist since 2019. There's a COVID. Yeah. Yeah. We haven't got COVID anymore. I've had his teeth on his car. My teeth are great. I've never had a cavity. You don't know. I've been checked for six years. As of 2019, they were great. You're putting shame to that t-shirt, Harry.

I've not ironed it either. I've never ironed as well. There's also that. No way. You've never ironed anything? Can we have a day where we just make Harry into an adult? Yeah, I've never. I really hope, Harry, you get to grip you.

You know, when you just progress and you just move in together, she, by the way, and this is what women do as well. Like they wait until they've got you in there fucking like a spider clutches. It's like they wait until they've got you in there fucking like a spider clutches. It's like they're not even looking at you. They're like, oh, it doesn't matter.

Soon as you're in the web, mate, that's when they come over and they're like, we're gonna fix you. And that's gonna be a good thing. She sorted this bit out pretty quick. Yeah. She went for that. What's going on?

She sorted his head out right. Yeah, I was really, and she was like, get some baggy jeans. But then like, yeah, the wedding, she ironed my wedding outfit and I played Uno by myself. You can never let it go. You know, by the way, the amount of men in their twenties or like maybe younger than you watching this going, I do all that. He's at all. I don't think the brushing the teeth with the fingers. No, I reckon there's a lot of lads watching this on Ticknock now going. No, I reckon there's a lot of lads watching this on techno.

Now go on. Yeah, I'm a scruff. Here's the thing. I have done that before. Yeah. We've all emergency settings. I have forgotten a toothbrush. I've got toothpaste and I've just like. Once or twice.

Yeah. It's not like I don't do it weekly. Like it's like. It's not weekly. It's more than once or twice. If only there was a receptacle for all these fucking toiletries. No, but you can't get that. I remember one time I had to sleep in an airport I don't do it weekly. Like it's more weekly. It's more than once or twice. If only there was a receptacle for all these fucking toiletries. No, but you can't get that.

I remember one time I had to sleep in an airport and I asked them for a toothbrush and they said, no. It's an airport. Also if you go to a garage, unlikely. Also every airport has like a boot in it. No, it was, oh shit yeah. No, I know what they've been very unhelpful at fucking JD sports. Excuse me. Have you

got any buddies? This airport shite. Well, they just gave me. Yeah. They gave me Mackey's vouchers. Are you chicken nuggets? I didn't eat my bruffet. Eat that. Just like eight of Mackeys. It's easier to select. I think. Can I buy you a wash bag? Yeah. I mean, to be fair, I've got about seven of them. I just don't know where thing. Can I buy you a wash bag? Yeah. I mean, to be fair, I've got about seven of them. I just don't know where they are. I get bought them for Christmas and I got, Oh, this is great. And then I just leave them in the hours. I'm a parent of divorce. I think we need to treat you. We need to treat you like operation Christmas child. We need to get you a kit where we fill it full of stuff and go to the world. Take a picture

with it. Uh, like my household have an iron. Do you have an iron? Yeah. Like my dad items and stuff. I'm in my minds. Do they are in your clothes? Uh, no. If I ever need anything like decreasing, I just stick it in the shower. It's called iron. Yeah. No, but that's not ironing. That's just decreasing. You want it smaller? I just stick it in the shower. It doesn't work that well though, does it? It's lovely I'm wet now. But I don't decide what I'm going to wear until after I've got out of the shower, so I never remember to do that anyway.

Oh my god. Yeah, I've never, the one, no, I don't, no, no, no, no. This is going to sound like I've made this up. The one time I did iron, because my dad was like, maybe you're fucking iron and you can learn how to iron. And I, I was there. I was there on the landing and I was running that iron. Why are you ironing on the landing on the floor? Are you holding this in? Oh, it looked like you were holding it in mid air.

And I'm ironing and I was just ironing. That even didn't look right as well. Because I couldn't really,. And I'm ironing and I was just ironing creases into it really. That even didn't look right as well. Because I couldn't really, I couldn't really flatten it. I was just ironing creases and I was pressing the button and nothing was really happening. Did this for 15 minutes and uh, Oscar, my little brother comes out and he was like, not plugged in. I just rubbed a bit of metal on me top

and ironed creases into it for 15 minutes. You didn't iron anything into it because it wasn't an iron. Yeah, but I flattened the creases into it for 15 minutes. I didn't iron anything to it because it wasn't an iron. Yeah, but you flattened the creases into it with, with a metal like thing and yeah, it wasn't plugged in. Oh, Harold. It's really nice of you guys to hire him to be fair. He's very good at what he does. But when we, when we did dead men, someone said I was a disability equality hiring. I saw that really mean comment. He's some kind of disabled. It was a sincere comment as well. It was really mean. Can you delete that before he sees it? But I forgot. You can see where it came from. What it was on

their channel. Yeah. I know. But like, no, you can see that the person's thought process. It sounds really mean, but also we've got some evidence. I don't iron. I brush my teeth with my fingers. I never shave my pubes. I don't iron. I decrease. My backpack's full of toothpaste because I don't have a washbac. Ellie's amazing by the way. You've done very well. Oh, I've looked out there. I don't know what.

Just continue. Just get better. So you keep her. Yeah. Well, that's why I... get girls do that. Girls get better forever. We get there and go, wow, I don't know. This is the thing. Like she's like running night ultra marathon. I'm like, she's going to run an ultramarathon. No, she's like, she's doing 85 K. If you tell people it's an ultramarathon, do you believe you. Well, she went and ran 8K the other day. I mean, to be fair, I had like stomach cramps, but I was just in her bed eating chocolate fruit. Harry, we came back and when you had the shit

and the karaoke, you wanted to call A&E. He was like, I need to go to A&E. Call A&E? What are you going to say? Come here. Are you open? I'll drive there. See you in four days.

I've gone to the A&E in Scotland. No. I've drive there. See him four days. I've got to the V I'm in the V and a big on yesterday in where was it? No way. Darby shows. No way. Rousley waiting for Harry. 10 of us with the crew with the lads all chatting and had there's a really, really tight bend. Before that, I'd because I'd been lost. I was in the hills. Dressed as a lion as well at this point. You're not going to be able to describe what he did. I don't think it's possible. It's basically like, imagine a hair pin, imagine a hair pin bend. And instead of going around it, he just drove over it. But it was like a vertical drop as well. When you're on a vertical drop of a grass

verge and you crashed into the road. I thought it was off road. But you hit the road at the front of your car. I thought it was off road. There was an old woman in the road beforehand. So I had to swerve. I should have let her cross the road to be fair. But I was in such a mood because I was, I was dressed up and I was in the fucking Hills for ages. It was dead dark. You were dressed as a lion. Yeah. I had no clothes. I bought me lying outfit on it. And yet, and basically ramped off this, this hill, get there. I get a pint and everyone's like, we're going, we're going to her. He's not. So then I finished and then, um, I mean, Steve, even together because he's like, I've got no signal. It's like, don't worry. I've got the hickories we're going to in me.

So you didn't, did you? No. So we drove for an hour or whatever. Eventually Steve gets in front of me and I'm like, great. I'll follow Steve. And then Steve goes off where my turns left, where my son says go straight. I'm like, the Steve's got a shortcut. So I'll follow Steve. I went in this little town that I've not, don't know. You call me go how far away are you? So I called you and you said 15 minutes. Steve after a minute later and went, he was behind me. Yeah. So I was on this roundabout and Steve goes off to the left and I'm on the phone with you. I'm like, fuck it. Steve doesn't know where he's going. I'm going to beat him.

So you followed him because he knew a shortcut once but then thought no one knows too short. He's got the wrong place here. So I went off and then called me 15, 20 minutes later. It goes, where are you? Where are you? And I'm like, it's fucking standstill traffic in Wilmslow. And all I hear is Adam in the background going, we're not in fucking Wilms. Cause no one's ordered anything. So I got to the point in Hickory's, I got to the point in Hickory's first, you got in the building after me 48 minutes later. That's unbelievable. We'd ordered for you. And when you sat down, your food just arrived. Oh, I nailed it. You had been driving though. I did like top gear level, like length of

driving. I genuinely like length of driving. I genuinely worry about you driving. And you beat the traffic in the morning. Tell everyone what time you set off for the 10am call time. You are not in any position to take the piss out of this because you were an hour and a half late. I left at 20 to 8 which was the time that they sat and I'm said to leave. So I had a quarter to. I wanted to get there for nine because I'm also producing. So I'm like, like I've show a good example, get there and meet. So you left, you should have left at half seven.

I may have left at quarter to six. Five, 45, but, but, but, but, but I did beat the traffic. Yeah. I was talking cause my dad was like, you know, traffic I did beat the traffic. Yeah. I was talking, cause my dad was like, you know, traffic is going to be murder. Like what do you get to? The worst thing is as well, like, so my mom lives in Wigan. My dad lives in Bersko. Wigan is, Wigan is. You could have left when you got there.

Well I'd been driving for, my dad came into my room and said, why have you come here? You're going to Derbyshire tomorrow. I was like, yeah, it was like, you could have just been in Wigan and that's like 30 minutes closer and right next to the motorway. And I was like, I didn't know that. Like it could have been anywhere. Do you mean after driving for 30 minutes, I went past my house at what? Quarter past six in the morning.

Oh darling. So I could have set off at quarter past six and got there on time. No, two hours early. Yeah. I was there an hour early and nowhere was open. Yeah. It won't be willing. I was still the night before I had to sit in a car park and bake. Well, we're going to make you a human in the next year. There's going to be a special. I don't want to lose all the magic though. Oh yeah. Yeah. Like the way Adam dressed down because he thinks that's how adults dress. We're going to make you an adult. I call bullsh** on that. So I don't stress. It's how I think Dan should dress. You haven't done it anymore. He's doing the colors though. It's the same colors. You want, I haven't kept up with the outfit from Danda. He took

a lot of the sailors. I'm gay now. Oh, did you get your pants tailored? The jeans? Yeah. Yeah. Do you like them? I like them. Lauren, not so keen. She's not wearing them. She doesn't know fashion though. Does she she? No she's stupid. I thought you were a Flaresman now anyway. I'm all over the place. You told me the other day you're a Flaresman now. I want a pair of Flares. I do want a pair of Flares. The head of it. Wow there they go. Once I saw Kendrick whip out his girlfriend's fucking Flares from 1998 at the Super Bowl I was like they're back baby. Did you see all the comments? I put a picture up of me and the lads with the banner at the match today. Yeah. And the amount of comments Jack got for these pants. Oh yeah. Yeah. It looks like someone said, is he going parachuting? Someone said, is he, is he going to skate

parks days after this? And my favorite one was Jack looks like a prime Steven Seagal. But no one's saying it to his face. Just to end this section, talking about fashion, could you show everyone your shoes and socks today? Cause, cause the, oh, la dee. What's wrong with these? I've got them shoes them exact shoes yeah yeah you have do you wear this shoe and sock combo often? I've never

done it no but you might probably not what's wrong with this I don't know it's just so just noteworthy these are loafers yeah then I understand they're nice good song red in this lovely cream in this Yeah. Cream shorts. Lots of reds. I like it. I like it. Just wanted noting. It's called Fashion Dan. Yeah it is. Is it? I'd better be in the trailer by the way. It's called Fashion Dan. Better be in there. I'll tell Laura. She needs to wake up. Imagine the amount of pussy I'd get if I turned up in these. And obviously I'd go, babe, I know it's drying up, but cherry, cherry, so she'd get it.

What you gonna do? Let's have a break. Put these buttes away. See you in a sec. Hello everyone. Now it's time to talk about Huel. Now listen, Harry, we're always trying to get healthier, aren't we?

Hell yeah, we're in the gym at the moment, we're trying to get some gains. We're doing a lot of things together. We've never been to the gym together, but we should. And what is it about the gym? It's not just about what you're doing when you're trying to get healthy and whatnot, it's what you're eating as well. Absolutely. I'm bad for protein. I mean, I'm meant to be a veggie most of the time, but when I am it's difficult to get protein.

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If you've not tried it already, if you're just looking to supplement your diet with some vitamins, minerals, increase your your protein get on the Huell absolutely and new customers can visit Huell.com slash have a word pods and use code have a word pods get ten pound off your first order plus a free gift Wow what exciting God knows. You have some Huell? You don't know. I mean that'd be mental wouldn't it? If the free gift was just more Huel. You can have more, you can have enough Huel. It's part of the excitement. It's going to be like an unboxing for you. Huel! Get on it! Get that protein! Make them gains!

Huel don't want to miss out. Alright, feels like we didn't need that extra bit. It's still good though. No, it's good. It's good. Huel. It's still good though, no it's good, it's good. You. Dang. Ice coffee season? It is ice coffee season. I'm Patreon season.

Ice coffee season? It's also whaps out in town! Isn't it? Listen, I know I'm a perv, but I'm a nice level of perv, like, oh there's a nice pair of boobs, oh there's a bum, you know? And sometimes, you know, I Look a little bit. What a season for it

And if you're a woman sign up a patreon.com And if you have a lovely, um, I would just like to thank Just one sec. So Thomas oh no, sorry Harry G has just signed up for three pound a month. You've bought me this coffee Oh shit sign up and maybe you'll get mentioned an episode. Cheers. Harry G has just signed up for £3 a month. You've bought me this coffee. Oh shit. Sign up and maybe you'll get mentioned in an episode. Cheers, Harry G. Patreon.com slash have a word pod.

It's the best patron in the UK. You know that already. Go and look at our second to most recent new patron. That's mad. I wasn't expecting that name to be there. Patron's good, aren't it? Patron's great. I mean, that that name to be there. Patrons good though in it. Oh well. Patrons great. I mean that's gotta be her because there's only one of them.

Yeah. Our friend, I mean, it's gone back a while now. Lisa Scottly. Lisa Scottly. No, Ebony. I used to work with her, but her name is Ebony Valentine. There's only one of them. Yeah. I mean, there's not many, nothing about.

I think there's a few strippers that have chosen that name. She is Ebony, my late girl. Nice one. If you want to be like Scott, I can't get out. She's a weight lifter. Oh yeah. That was the euphemism. By the way, she goes to gym and she's building that muscle. My math teacher is a weight lifter. My ex-old. Shit, podcaster. I watched the assembly last night. Actually, Ebony's fellow looks like sort of you in your final form. Like he's a weightlifting guy. Is he's a-

He's my goal. Competition, he's competition weightlifter. Oh, no, I just wanna be, you know, I'm just a- Do what they paid themselves in like dog shit. You're just a gainsman. I don't wanna go full fucking. What was the, who was the page three girl? Jodie Marsh. the who's the page three girl Jodie Marsh. Oh, yeah One of like Jodie Marsh

She was like one of my sexual awakenings. Yeah, but no before she went all fucking unitized Oh, sorry. I thought you meant that's when she really wakened that bit of my sexuality. Why is it okay for weightlifters to block up? No, it's just wrong. It's just wrong ceilings. It's called chocolate body You blacked up? I'm pretty sure they do everything, but the face. Yeah, do the face. Who's the goat? The fellow keeps winning it and he's, they do the face as well. Thing bum. What's he called? I mean, the balls, you want to do the face. A lot of them just do like to do here. And look, I, you know, this is a sensitive subject and I know a lot of, uh, uh, black people have had, they care a lot about blackface. Is it just the face that's the problem? Is that why it's called blackface? Is black body just fine? Blacking up, black arms, isn't it? They're just fake tanning

to the extreme. It's not like every girl who fakes- That's another thing now. Why is fake tanning not black? It's blackfishing. Yeah. Why did Ariana Grande get away with it for so long? People thought she was a different race until they realized that she was pink there. Yeah. It's so it's blackface adjacent,

but it's not like Laura. Blackface Jason. Blackface Jason, you know. Like Laura's gonna fake tan for the wedding. Are you accusing my wife of blacking out? I think that wasn't she? I think time for my word. I think racist. Yeah. You could just really, really minimally like it doesn't tell minimum everyone. The Jamaican accent. You were doing it. No, no. Peter Andre. Welcome to the wedding. I'm one marinas midge. That was me vows. I also got a bit of conceited under me ass because I look tired that day because I was tired. You been watching anything

good recently Carl? Are we there yet? Yeah. I watched the assembly last night. I don't watch that. Yeah. Been to a few. So it's, um, it's basically a chat show, not just like an interview in a celebrity on and then it's a room full of, um, neurodivergent people and disabled people, learning difficulties. And they all essentially interviewed them one by one, but they ask the most blunt, straightforward questions ever because obviously, you know, their mom makes them, they don't give a fuck. That's going to ask, do you like John Cena? One of the girls. So Michael Sheen was the one I was one in a row. We're going to have to move on from that question.

One of the questions was how tall are you? Great question. One of the, one of the girls went to, um, how does it feel having a, Michael Sheen? How does it feel having a partner only five years older than your daughter? And he was like, Oh, oh shit. And then answered it very eloquently and well. One of the, uh, it was like, I just prefer a tight pussy. You've seen it. Even I just prefer that size of pussy. You know, the youth have, I don't want these baggy pussies from these geriatric bitches. I want a tighter pussy. Who was doing that? James L. Jones from Rill. But so one of the questions was how tall are you?

Right. Like really like innocuous, but some of them really good. And it's such a nice watch because Michael Sheen is so good. I'm guessing David Tennant's the same. He really indulges them. I've not watched that one yet. Yeah. He indulges them. He loves it. He probably thought he was going to ask questions. Who are we interviewing? One of the questions was what makes you cry? And I really thought it was a really basic question, but like a good one. So I was going to, I thought when I heard it, maybe I'd ask yous, maybe it's not a right question, but what makes yous cry? Cause I'm not a big crier.

I mean, if Adam laughs enough enough those eyes leak pretty hard. Does that count? No. I cry more from joy genuinely. I cry more from good stuff. That is beautiful. Yeah. Yeah it is but I do think it's repressive. I do think that's because I don't know how to deal like I deal with bad stuff by just covering it with good stuff. Yeah, same. Yeah, a lot of people do. Did you cry in therapy because you did it a lot for like a year? Once and it was to do with the relationship, not to do with like...

Past trauma. Yeah, it was a relationship from the past, but like it wasn't through at me moment. If you're crying about relationships from the future, that is a worry. But like these future bitches gonna be down. Like the in therapy, the most sort of thing I said, spun me out a bit for like a full day because it left my mouth and she went, I just want you to say that again. Let's just stop here and say that again.

I want you to listen to yourself rather than just actually hear yourself say it. Yeah, just say that again. And it was pretty bleak, like, but that didn't make me cry. But then unpacking how I felt about the past relationship really did. And then, yeah, but other than that. You just try not to do that day to day.

Yeah, like I don't. Yeah, like there's not really loads of sad stuff that gets me to that point. I think I just shut down at that point. But then I cried at the final whistle on Sunday. Again, joy. Yeah, yeah, I think it's mainly joy for me. Too much joy. Yeah.

Something that sets me off watching films is thinking about getting older and not being a dad anymore because I die and like losing like that bit of my life. And that is constantly married with being a dad where you wish your kids had fuck off for a bit. So it's a, it's a complicated relationship where you're like, Oh my God, one day I'll have to not be a dad anymore to these kids. While you're doing it, you think, just leave me the fuck alone for 20 minutes. But that's the one thing now that constantly like flicks me during a film or

like Meet Joe Black is basically that's the bit that got me wailing that morning when I cried because it flicks at that bit where you're like, one day I'll have to go, oh shit, I'm going now and I won't get to see the rest of your life. That's, I don't know why that gets me. If the technology is there for you to be able to do it when you're going, would you download your thoughts into a computer and live forever as a machine? I think that's what this podcast is, isn't it? By the way, what an awful thing to like, if you want to know your dad, you know, sign up at patreon.com slash have a word pod and listen to all of this shite. What's that a quote from? Friends. Yeah. So obviously the human brain is a lot more powerful than any computer we've

ever created, but technology is moving so quickly. There's an argument that at some point there will be a computer that will be just as fast and capable as the human brain. And as soon as that is possible, it would be like that would make sort of computerized cloning would be really simple. Cause you would be able to download your thoughts as you and live forever as a machine.

And your human body could just die because the machine in the brain can't then. There's a sitcom about it called Upload. Yeah. And Greg Danielson. You, if you're rich, it's, it's basically like a country club, isn't it? And everyone there has died and they've downloaded exactly like Adam said, but you have to buy the credits for the full experience. It's like, it's not heaven, it's a version of heaven, except you are a consumer. So if you're rich in life, if you're a billionaire, you get everything. You get the full premium package. It's like being on a cruise and being in first class, there's also like second class and just standard. And so

you're not allowed credits for certain things, but it's like, I can see why they've come up with it. Yeah. There's a lot of episodes of black mirror that are, that's the concept. Yeah. What makes you cry for nothing? Genuinely? Like it's very, very rare. I've talked about this in therapy a lot. I, I, I with hold a lot. I've cried once in the past five years, like just in general, when I lost my nan's ring in the sea.

Oh yeah. We laugh. And we were such good mates, weren't we? Yeah. Did you cry in front of us? No, no. I don't cry in front. I'll always want to be on my own. Yeah. You walked to the other side of the beach.

Did you? Are you an ugly cryer? I don't think so. I'm, I'm, I'm like, I my own. Yeah, you walked to the other side of the beach, didn't you? Are you an ugly crier? I don't think so. I'm like, I was like fighting it. So it's like a few tears, then I'm like, right, pull yourself together. Yeah, that's the horrible man inside you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm watching this and she's like, are you crying on me? No. Shut up. We must look like the biggest cunts on the planet on that beach, because he was on his own crying and we were all just sat on towels laughing while he went and did it.

It is what, yeah, it was it. No, I felt bad, but also it. Yeah, you had to. We were filming. What could you add them? Is it just joy? Just happy things on it? Like our film or the telly? I do. Is there any because there was a couple of times in therapy, I came close when I was really unpacking some really deep stuff. But I only remember that one time, properly going, yeah. But what resonates with you? Like, Amy, it's a dad, because he's a dad. Yeah, no, I have cried of films as well,

and that's the saddest stuff. That's not the joyful stuff. But I could, like, the example that I've definitely used on here before is the click scene where his dad's like, it's a ghost of the last time he seen his dad and he's really dismissive of him. That scene got me. Well, there you go. Cause you've released it with your dad. It is resonate with you. Sure. I didn't get, I mean, it got to that film, but it wasn't like, Oh, my dad. Cause

I haven't got to know. But like the first time I seen that and got really upset by it, I was a kid and I like, me relationship with me, that was different. So it's like, yeah. What makes you cry? You're perjo 208. He loves it. Good car. Apple maps. Uh, Macy gray. I try. Yeah. It's like, I cried. That was, that was really, and he still r I try. Yeah. I cried. That was, that was really, Ellie still rips me. That's like our song now. But I, which, which one? I try.

I try. We watched her on the mass singer. There's gotta be something else that made you cry with that. You didn't just put it on the card. You were crying at the mass singer. No, so this is like, like not in a homophobic way. It's gay. So we were watching my singer and she was dressed as like fucking an omelet or something. She got voted off and she stormed off. Oh makes you could hate. Cause otherwise I wouldn't, I

wouldn't watch the massing. It was like fucking Macy Gray kicking off. We watched to do that. And then we were listening to, I tried cause it is a bit of a banger. I mean, the other bit of a dance to it. And I was just like, the relations are quite nice that all, uh, old people, you just can, I had the site of old people, but like the thought of, of old people, the being old, the concept of old. I watched the,. The concept of old people. I'm scared of being an old person. Oh, have you ever seen The Father with Anthony Hopkins? No.

I've never sobbed at a film more. That's horrible. Like it may as well be a horror film. I'm scared of being old because it just looks fucking horrific. Yeah. Yeah, but your idea of old is like two years younger than me in it. No, I'm sure. What's your, what's the age that mentally you think, Oh my God, that's going to get brutal. 80. As

long as you've looked after yourself a little bit. I haven't. I just told you I'm 27 pints and something. I'd be worried about 63. I think 80, I think 85 is, is where it starts. But then again, medical science is on our side in it. So maybe night is the, the conspiracy theorist. I don't think they want an age. I don't think the Illuminati or the governments want a generation of fucking 120 year olds. Well they're doing everything to keep us getting there. Cause everything's improved gradually on it. And by the way, I know you've got a fucking granddad who's 98 and doing fucking trampoline sessions every morning. I hate when you do this. You're like, oh, night. He looks rough. You're like, no, actually my granddad was doing fucking nine Yeager bombs every morning, smoking three cigars and then going on a rally

cross bike. Fuck off. Everyone's got one outlier. It sounds sick, isn't he? Yeah, it does, but there's always one anecdotal example of your nana who was fucking paragliding at 103, but everyone else is looked fucked. So I think 85 is where I'd take that number now. Oh, I'd snap your hand off at 85. Would you rather be- If you got to 85, right, sorry. You got to 85. Back on the coke.

And I felt I was like, right, next year, you're gonna go off a cliff edge, like six months time. Yeah. You're just, going out really bad, really, really bad. Like the worst you've seen of an old person is gonna be your life. But here's a gun with a bulletin. Blow your head off.

That's what I'm saying. No, do you reckon you'd do it? I'd kill him. Don't I can shite you. I'd watch some of your shows. I wonder what our shows will be by the way. Still friends. So, so this, I have to use it now otherwise he takes it away. Yeah. Right. Sure. I can't take it and be like, I'll keep this for the cliff. No. Right. So it could be like in a couple of days, but like it's going to be an immediate fucking, it's a cliff you've gone. Your mind's going to be mush. You're not going to know anyone. You're not going to go know what a gun is to even use it. Yeah. But one bullet. There

you go. Also I'm made of bulletproof stuff, so you can't shoot me. Who doesn't blow the horn enough at that point? So many people. Your life is about to become unbearable or you can end it now. Also, who is this guy? My definition would be that. I know I invented this, but I'd be like, who are you? You just turn up here at the old people's home covered in bulletproof stuff

with a gun! Got AR, it's gonna get shite. It sounds like he's gonna make it shite. Ruin your life. Yeah, I'd probably, yeah, I'd take it. Can I have a couple more bullets? I'm sure there's some sort of caregiver that I want to take out with me. Go in style.

Yeah, I'd take it. Would you take it? If you said that 85 my life's about to become unbearable. Yeah. Yeah. But I think you might be the paragliding one. I think you're like, I know, but cause he's storing up the phone. Like it's all 27 drinks. Mackenzie over here. Cause like, no, I don't really bother. Watch Carl hit 80. Ah, he'll be on the fucking shite. I mean why not? You get to that age, you get on the bug and it easy. But I think you've stored up some of the health. Yeah, I try to stay healthy.

I mean I eat badly, that's probably my vice. Not that badly. I don't think you're healthy at all. Last six months you've lost a bit of weight and it's a bit healthier for your wedding. I think he means you're not using substances regularly like you older. He's pretty healthy Adam Like he doesn't do like he doesn't drink loads He exercises he's only exercise rarely the last few months. Yeah for the wedding Go in the gym for 18 months you went rock climbing once ice skating twice

I've got a PT that I go and see once a week at least. Do you know what wouldn't surprise me? If I died at 40. No. Here's a gun. It's gonna go off a fucking cliff. Look at the state of dad. If it just turned out this entire time you were just like doing cat in the house with your bird. I'd just like to stay in, in a KO, just me and my bird, my dog and a fucking dragon. That would just make sense, wouldn't it? Wouldn't that make sense? Because he doesn't actually make sense. We got a Wagamama last night. That was sick. On Kett? Not last night, the night before.

Wagamama. Eating ramen on Kett, that's got to be a fucking challenge, that. Wagamama and finish the city as ours. Oh, it's disgusted. I don't even know how you fucking stand up. He's pretty healthy. I mean, you love projecting this stuff. You're like, you're my best friend. You're just as fucked as me.

No, no, no, no. Yeah, you do. No, not at all. That's not what I'm doing. What I'm saying is, just because he's different to me doesn't mean he's better than me. That's exactly what I'm getting at. No. No, you're quite healthy. No, he's

not. Say it about me. I mean, I'm healthy. All he does is sit down. That's so healthy. That's gotta be good prep for fucking still walking at 90. You're using your legs less. You've got a finite amount of steps in your body. Yeah, like pigeons. Honestly, all these people like ultra marathons are really good for you. I think you're putting too many motorway miles on the fucking engine. No. Pigeons have got finite amounts of wing flaps. That's why they walk or they fly all the time. That's why they get them ripped off.

Daniel Ketson in it. Break time, lunch time, bye bye. Well, that was existential, wasn't it? Hello everyone, it's Dan and Harry, weird combo, to talk about our absolute favourite sponsor. It's Love Honey, the top global brand for pleasure products. Now you're a very sexual person. I'm a sexual beast, Dan.

Yeah, I'm trying to be. And obviously when it comes to the sex of Tams with your lady, with your men, with your men and your lady, there's no judgment here. Absolutely. Isn't it fun to have some lubes and some like things to tie people up with and stockings? You into stockings Harry? Not to wear personally or not that I would admit on camera. I'm an absolute stocking. I am a stocking especially at Christmas.

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No ad. I've just, you know, I just don't think it should take 22 minutes to make a smoothie. Well our guest, Jonathan Riegel, just spent $100 on breakfast in a Joe and the Juice in DC. Did ya? Yeah, and it took 45 minutes for it to arrive. I mean this is a reverse ad for Joe the Juice. Fuck Joe and the Juice. Today's episode is not brought to you by Joe the Juice. No it is in a way. It is, they're just not paying for it to be brought to.

It's not a bad idea that at the start of each show you warn people off something. Yeah. And today it's 20 minutes. Yeah. And they have to pay us to not do it. Yeah. Their rival pays you to do it. That'd be really good. So the mafia there isn't a protection like we'll slam use now or pay us. There you go. Joe and the juice. Show me some protection or you could just give me me seven quid back that this cost seven quid and 20 minutes of my life. I never get back next week shell and bp we're coming for you if you if you fill your car up at a shallow to bp you are the secret millionaire me they are an x spenny they're just near my house yeah but you're supposed to go out of your way aren't you you heard about that fella it's a waste. Yeah. My father-in-law

was an expert. He would drive hundreds of miles for four pencil. He's buying the premium. Like I've never put pre you meant to for like once every 10. I thought it was if you're going on a long drive, it then becomes more like if you were driving from here to London, it would make sense. What does it do slower? It's better for your car. It's also just the same stuff. You know, like one of those bins where it's got like bit rubbish and recycling and you open the cupboard and it's just one big bin. It is just that. I think it's the same stuff. It's just, can we get some fucking idiots to use this thing? But I'll be honest with you. Every few months I do go, Oh, you know, how much more expensive is it like to fill your tank up 10 pencil? But I mean, it depends

what you're driving. Like if you've got 150 grand paying for it, I'd say it's a lot of company. There you go. There you go. I only put it in me. Moped. I don't put it in my car. It's only when you got a high performance mobile. It's weird that we've only just heard about this moped. I have thought about it recently. Don't you even fucking dare get a moped. Delivero? You'll be off in...

What's wrong with me getting a little moped? Little Moti Josh, yeah. But it's sound though, isn't it? My mate Bondi still wants a Vespa. Like a... Yeah, they're cool. They're the cool... He's been talking about it since 1996.

He's doing fine, like he's earning more. I've seen the internet. Just buy it, like fair enough, treat yourself. That's a cool little Italian, get knocked off if you want, sell it immediately. Where do you want to drive a fucking Vespa? I didn't say Vespa by the way, I just said Moped, just any standard Moped does me. Why? You've got a car? Just for whizzing about.

Where? To here. Basically you don't wanna walk to the coffee van? No, no, I like getting my slips in, I do like walking. So what's the Vespa for? Because sometimes traffic's bad and you can just wazz through it if you're on a little moped, can't you?

Like the- Can you imagine if you were dressed like you are today? Which is fine. And you're late for work and someone's sat in traffic and you go past dressed like that on a moped. You're high risk of being murdered. I'm just letting you know. Because I mean, what's wrong with this by the way? I haven't seen you in about fucking six or seven years by the way. Lovely to see and I walked in and immediately he was like, Oh look, this is confidence isn't it? With this outfit. It's just a pink shirt, mate. look, this is confidence, isn't it? This, with this outfit.

It's just a pink shirt, mate. It's not a shirt. No, it's not a top hat. It's gorgeous, I love the shirt. What's the problem? You own these shoes. I do. I haven't worn them with shorts and no socks on.

I've worn them with them socks. Show everyone the outfit. He's done it. He's already done it. Why wouldn't you wear them with these socks? What's the beef? I'm also not a big fan of shorts. Personally. It's 25 degrees today.

Yeah, but you're no cooler than me right now. I guarantee you I am. You know, because I've got shorts on. And he looks like this. Like the shirt's gorgeous. The shoes are gorgeous. The socks I like. I just don't know if they all go together. I think they do. Get him on a moped mate. The police. The only thing this outfit is missing is you're not just, you're not just sat in traffic sometimes thinking I'd love to be able to be wasn't through this right now. Yeah. So why

are, why don't we all just get mopeds? Not a m Moped can we be a moped crew? Oh No, don't put Harry on a moped. He would explode in minutes. Is it quadrophilia? Moped or a motorbike guy? Electric scooter is the way to go electric scooter. Yeah, there's loads of them I'll in the city. You mean those ones you can just hire for a couple of quid and jump? Yeah, but like, you know, it's less of a choice. Yeah, no, but I like making decisions and sticking with them for a week or two. Please put your foot down and stop airing out your bollocks.

So you should drive the butty van into work. Hey, we are still heavily concerned that I'm not a butty van. You're considering sending the text to ask about one. What do you mean? You're not getting you've just bought a house, you know, fucking busy, Cal, and buying a house and come and see your wedding takes up time. Those things, of course, by party fans. I got a lot of shit in here for a, you know, sometimes I say I'm going to do something quite fast. I don't do it immediately everyone kicks off.

Or at all. Or at all. That might be the jucks of it, you know? But I normally do do it eventually, don't I? The butty van? That is on the way. Don't me and Jack just come up with the menu? Yeah, Jack's all over it.

Keep eating sandwiches. So you just float ideas here. Yeah, ideas. I'll be honest, if he didn't, we'd have so much less podcast. So we're all a dick about it, but I love it. It's a great little trope. I'm a big fan. But then to go, I do all of these things mainly, you know, the moped, but the journal and going general, still journaling. You love getting on that one. My journals with me. I know it is with you. You love getting on that one, don't you? My journal's with me.

I know it is with you. Is it written in? When? Every day like you said you would. I haven't written in it today yet. Yesterday? No. This month. I only write in it on Tuesdays.

Tuesday the 4th of October. I only write in it on weekdays that we're not recording Patreon specials. Can you read out a page from it? I'd love to. We write in it on weekdays that we're not recording Patreon specials. Can you read out a page from it? I'd love to. It's not that kind of journal. It's more of a to-do list to make sure I'm getting shit done. Like for example, I knew I only had one thing to do today. New socks.

Buy a moped. Me plan for today, I've got the deed to my mortgage and it needs signing and posting. So while you were all off gallivanting at lunch. That's not a journal. That's a to do list. That's what I just said. What do you think the journal was? I'm not writing it every day going, oh, I had a lovely buddy. I'm not doing that. That's what journaling is. No it isn't. That's a type of journal. I'm just writing stuff I need to make sure I don't

forget. Yeah. I would be with you there. That's not journal. My wife writes a journal every time she goes shopping. She's really good at it. Yeah. Do you think the diary of Anne Frank is just lists of shit that she needs to get done. Where she not in this situation. When you got the shoes, it's such a temptation. It's amazing. I know I'm not journaling, but it still is a journal. It's a book and a Bible and a right and nine. You're also b that a way I don't think you like it says journal on the cover and all in it is just right stuff you need to do. But what you saw in the journal, the shop called it a journal. What you know, it was sunny today. And I took

me back. So by that logic, by that logic, if you wiped your arse in the journal, you think you'd be turning you sold the journals was like you getting up at 5am and writing in your journal. No, don't forget to buy bread. No, I didn't get to say I was going to be getting up and writing stories and about me day and that that was never the plan. It's it's right today. I'm going to make sure I do these three things. It's not just a to do list. It's like today I'm going to make sure I do these three things. It's not just a to do list. It's like today I'm going to make sure that I'm grateful for the sunshine. Today I'm going to make sure that I look after myself. Today I'm going to make sure that I nail my skincare routine and you pick three things a day to make sure you sort of keep it on top of yourself.

I'd love to see inside your journal. Love it. I don't, I reckon put the plastic on it. I haven't written it for a while, but I did bring it today to think about like, you know, I was going to write down, once I've got done to witness me mortgage deed, I was going to write in the journal, get down to witness the mortgage

and then take it off immediately. Write it after you've done it. Yeah. So you look busier than you are. I'm not busier than I have got that done. Too done-less. You're just not looking at me like I'm a fucking asshole here by the way. It's a very positive thing though, saying what you, you know, grateful for. What are you grateful for today, Dan?

You, Carl. Thank you. You. That's nice. A beautiful day. By you too. The song. A beautiful day. Because it's still 25 years old, but what a banger.

The Premiership. What a banger. It wouldn't have been the same without her. Just seeing, just, I'm grateful for just having a fashionista in such close proximity. Jarlath. Jarlath. You have got a hell of a t-shirt on there. Oh yeah. More black, more dogs, more Irish. Don't put that in the cliff.

The amount of people that say to you, what's the name of the band? Is it? I'd go and see them. I think Vittorio tried to call his podcast that basically. Yeah. I mean, it's an iconic Irish phrase over here, right? Yes. Not that one. Yeah. We've probably got listeners who don't know the history of of this phrase. Yeah. Yeah. So you have to correct me if I'm wrong because this is all that I'm aware of years and years ago, back when racism was still a thing. There was, there was signs in pubs that would say no blacks, no dogs, no Irish.

Hostels, hotels. Now, Kevin Gilday is the best joke about this, which is that when he first started coming over gigging here, that there was a sign in the hostel, he was saying it said no blacks, no dogs, no Irish. And he said to himself, I mean, if a dog has the wherewithal to try and check into a B and B, I said, give him a room. He's the most chilled out delivery I've ever seen on a comedian. You compared to us, job. You sound so smooth and relaxed. Kevin Gilday is like five blunts more chilled. I've never known anyone. And yes, that's the scale. I couldn't pull the word spliff out of my head. Blunts is better. Thank you, mate. You have your, your voices seem so easy. Yeah. Even

though like I'm in a heightened state of panic right now, we don't believe you. There's a fire. It's going to get the children. We need to save our lives. The Titanic is sinking. Let's get ourselves in the water. Do you ever shout, Jolleth? Are you a shouter? Yeah, sports mainly, but no, I would not be a raise the voice guy. In fact, Joe Wilkinson sometimes just rings me or texts me to message him back things he wants to hear. Like what? Well, they're, you know, his podcast with David Earl, they've played my voice on it just because they feel calmer when they hear it said by me and that it doesn't matter what gets said to them. It's okay if it's in this voice. It's malignant. So nice to listen to though. I think maybe I could do it a few voice notes off you just so that I could play in like

the Jonah Dew situation when I'm in the 22nd minute of waiting for a smoothie. Remember to journal about this. I'm going to get the general in the break by the way, because I'm right. It is not all journals are like diary entries. That's what you're getting confused with. Well, not especially. It wasn't called Anne Frank's journal, was it? Wasn't though. It was Anne Frank's diary, wasn't it? Because that's a diary. A journal is, hey, make sure you wipe your ass today, Adam. Tick. Is that after you've wiped your ass?

Or that you've remembered to write it? That's a psychological thing, Carl. Is that after you've wiped your ass or that you've remembered to write? That's a psychological thing, Cal. There's a lot of schools of psychology that believe writing a to-do list and start with three or four things that you've already done because you tick them off immediately. Oh yeah, the tap-ins at the start of a list. Yeah. Always take those.

Yeah. Remember to wipe your ass. I did remember to wipe my ass. I haven't done it yet but I've remembered. Breathe in and out. T. Breathe in and out. Tick tick in and out. It's the sort of like the make your bed school of thought, isn't it? You make your bed in the morning, you feel like you've got your day off, so a flyer already done something. Got it done.

Do you remember that from like 2001 when you last did it? I make my bed every day. I love that initial laugh. I make my bed. I love that initial laugh. I, I, I, I make my bed every day. Someone makes my bed every day. It's bad. Gets me. But if she doesn't do it, I'll do it. She, it's not true. It can't be true. If you came home later and your partner hadn't made the bed, would you make the bed? Yeah. But the audio listeners, wink. No, I would, but I'd have already made it before I left. Of course. She would like, Alex would never ever not make the bed. Yeah. Terek is the same.

But like, I get charged that I don't make the bed. If she goes, yeah, if she goes to work before me and I have a sleeper in. Yeah, I make the bed. I just sleep in a separate room and then you get your own fucking bedroom and she just ignores it. It's great. I'm like a teenage boy. Get a new house, get a new wife.

I don't need to make anything. It's so much easier than making wife to make this break up. So much easier than making the bed. Just break up. I do think that's why a lot of men end up getting divorced, you know, because they can't be making the bed because they can't be just being told they've got stuff to do. Yeah. I do genuinely like I do. So much of it is... God, he's been putting the weak in his like... The old ball and shit. Sorry. But like, how much of, you know, arguments and relationships are down to just do it.

Just do it. You know what she wants you to do. Do it. Yeah, but you can't be asked. Exactly. But like how much of it, how much bullshit like lads complain to you about their girlfriends is like, well, you kind of, there's no surprises. Exactly what you'd like you to do. And you can do it as well. Yeah. You know, exactly. It's just like taking the Benalt. Yeah. Yeah.

Get into it before she says, oh, you've that's points. I mean, they call that sure play. Sure play? Sure play. Just do everything. Mow the lawn, take the bins out. If I come home and I've blitzed the kitchen because it needed it and she hasn't asked, I have, the day is won. I have won the day. Honestly, like I'm a lot more sort of malevolent with stuff like this. Is that the word? Are you evil? Evil? Yeah.

Yeah. So like if I know, if I know. Tidy your bedroom, I'll fucking burn it down. I'm evil. I am evil. I'm gonna write me journal, kill everyone. Chick. What I mean is, right, let's say,

and me and my missus don't even live together yet but she spends a lot of time in ours right so um let's say i know the bin is like beyond the capacity you know where the lid's like coming off it yeah because it can't hold all the stuff and you've already done the push down that's a challenge to me can i close the, yeah, it's still fun. Yeah. So she, like the night before, might say, gone that bin needs changing. And I'll go, yeah, I know, yeah. And I'll do it tomorrow. Let's go, just go and get in bed.

It's just too late now. It's four past three. In the afternoon, let's go and get in bed. Shh. Right. I will, sometime, the next day, if I'm just in and about the house and I think, ah, she's gonna be home in a bit and she's gonna think that bin's still full.

I'll do the things she asked me to do. I'll do the bin, right? Do. Or I'll take the bin out, right? Or I'll stand near if long enough the jack does it. Right? And the bin's out, it's gone, new bag in it. Fuckin', it's a whole new bin.

A whole new bin. When she gets home from work, or like comes in, she'll get a shower and stuff. I know, because women remember fucking everything, don't they? So she'll come in and she'll be like, the fucking bin. I bet you they hasn't done the bin, but I've done the bin. So I will sit on the couch, just whip me a cup of tea, just.

Not even on the telly, I'm just looking and then when she like she'll like press you know because we've got one of those like release ones where you tap it and it opens up she'll press it to be like you haven't done and then she's like and I go that's our relationship's last malevolent. Make everybody in the competition and fuck you. Yeah, I did it. Well my wife has told me that her biggest sexual fantasy is for me to show up at the house in like work overalls tool belt on a Wednesday and ring the doorbell, you know, act all cool, come to the door. And when she opens the door, I just go inside and do all the jobs she's been asking me to do for the last three weeks. She's like, oh,

that'd be it. And then if at the end of it, you could fuck off. Yeah. Take the bin out. Well, it's fun. There is that when I said my wife's biggest sexual fan, you were like, oh, where's this going? I was like, it's just simple. But getting ahead of it and doing things that you know they want. Oh, they're going to think you haven't done it. I'm not saying that. Everything's a competition. I've got to spare 20 minutes here. I could just, you know, make sure that's done. Bam.

She gets home. I do that, but then I give myself the credit just for the thought. I'm like, I thought about that. I thought about that. Good for me. Don't mention it either. She goes, Oh, thanks. Do the kitchen. You go, Oh yeah. What I don't like is like this morning, we were getting the kids ready and then she went, can you put Jack's clothes on and get him to brush his teeth? Why would she want you to put Jack's clothes on? Cause fit. Because I like tight fitting clothes on a 44 year old man. No, do it again. Put your clothes on then put Jack's clothes on, Jack. Oh, nice. I got you. But it's the way she says it.

She shouts it like, this is to be done. If I did any anything in the house, I was like, babe, can you hurry up and finish the dishes, please? I'd be murder. Why is she shouting upstairs for the dishes again? Is she in the basement? Just a sort of dramatization of the situation. Jack's clothes. Keep putting them on and off. I don't like the idea that because she's telling

me to do it, it's a demand. Like it's a, you need to do this now. If I, if I did that with anything around the house or she fight the authority, yeah, I don't fucking do it's a, you need to do this now. If I did that with anything around the house. Oh, so you fight the authority, yeah? I don't fucking do it. Yeah, of course you do it. You resent it while it's happening. I don't like the... But if you go...

Oh. I would love to do that. I think that's the shortcut that you don't actually have to go and get anything in your house with your partner. You just point that and go like that. in your house with your partner. You just point that out. You can watch the footy that night. She won't be there. I'll do that and record it and show you that she would throw the coffee table at me if I whistled or clicked.

I just think it's funny the way lads are always talking about how annoying she is or whatever, but like I don't think most fellas have internalized exactly how annoying they are. Oh, my missus puts up with a lot and she's an angel. Like the other night, I got credit when I came home from Liverpool winning the league because I was capable of speaking. She was like, what's going on? You can speak. I'm such a good boy. The bar is that low. That's how low the bar was. When I got back from Dublin the morning of going out, she was like, right in the fridge,

there's a big bar of Dairy Milk, Marvellous Creations. There's two glass bottles of Coke and four orange liquorzades. They're all for tomorrow. And there's a multi pack of Quavers. We just saw your ringo. Jesus Christ. I don't even believe. She was like, yeah. Glass bottle coke. Two glass bottles of coke, four orange Lucas AIDS and multi pack of Quavers and a big bar of dairy milk. And she'd bought me 20 cans of Peroni so that we could take them to the match.

So we didn't have to go into the pub again. This is nearly the perfect woman. If she just stopped bitching about that bin. You know, blah, blah, blah. And then you fill a bin with all the stuff and go I'm a fucking MZ. Aside from the beer though, she is treating you like a toddler. Yeah, I am a toddler. Get him his sweets. We all want to be treated like toddlers.

Let's not lie. Come on. Now it's time for a car sexual fantasy. No, like I'll do everything. I'll put your shoes on and you can go to bed at 3 o'clock. I dress like a toddler when I'm wearing Jack's clothes. Right? Jack's clothes on a blusher teeth. Nappy on at night.

By the way, it should be great. Is he still in nappies? He does an overnight nappy. We're down to the overnight nappy. They're like pants now more than like the... They're like the pull ups. They're like pants now more than like the- They're like the pull-ups. But they're a fucking- One of the day they just shit his cacks. You can put yourself in.

With skins, you'd have a one nappy a day at night time. And that's it. I'd love to wear a nappy at night. I'd be fucking- Is that because you can't get out the bedroom to go for a piss and you toss into piss in a plant pot? We don't lock it. It's just cause he's tiny.

No, I'm saying if- Well, he'll just wet the bedcloth. If he wakes up at 3 a.m. It's just because he's tiny. Not what I'm saying. If he'll just wet the bed. If he wakes up at 3am, he's like, Oh, check him for the piss here, mate. Would he get out of bed and go to the toilet or would he just go? Oh, he piss everywhere. Oh, would he? Yeah. I think on purpose. Have you got kids, Charlotte? Yeah. Do they still piss the bed?

I hope not. How old are they? He's 14. He's still in that nappy though. Just a sensible parenting. I do a parenting podcast with my wife called, honey, you're ruining the kid. And this, what you're describing there is the number one email is around toilet training and kids just being really willful about it and just being like, fuck that. I'm pissing in the bed.

Isn't that more boys than girls? Boys were 100 percent. Yeah. But my wife has worked with kids, severe behaviours for 20 years. So she she has all these, you know, she just has really clear lines on this. She said you have to take all the nappies in the house to have been with your kid, put them all in and your kid to go, right, that's that. Those days are over.

You have to like, you know, be there together, go through this where it's like, bye bye, bye bye nappies. And then she can do it. 48 hours. Right. That's her skill. She's like, black ops. She'll go in and toilet train kids in 48 hours.

Holy shit. 48 hours. Yeah, yeah. It's done. And she's never failed. She's scary woman. We're going to the bin. I definitely wouldn't say she's scary, but she is she has a way of talking to kids. They're like, sometimes we'll be in a restaurant and kid is acting up and she just does this. This look to the kid, you know, you know, that kind of remember when teachers would look at you like, yeah. Are you talking about your

Mrs. Yeah. Yeah. Why did you drift off there? Yeah. Welcome to the show. As in she can teach kids how to not shit themselves. But surely how old there must be a lane. Cause she's not doing this with a three month old baby. Well she does go really young, really early. She'd do it very, very, as early as possible. As long as you can talk to them through it. Is it like an embarrassment? Like you shouldn't be shitting in your pants. Well. It's never worked for me. Come here.

You're fucking an outtaker. Hey dickhead. No, it's like it's, you're a big guy. Like she does this whole game show host. I can't believe a bigger, you don't need these nappies anymore. Cut that in the clip. Yeah. My kids won't flush the toilet and this is now, I think, I mean, we've got an eight year old girl. She's doing it on purpose. She's making us flush her shit on purpose. There's no way you can tell someone for the 3000, maybe I've not got the technique. Me and my wife maybe not got the technique that your wife's got

where you're like, look at yourself. I think sometimes that you have a shite that you just need someone else to see. That's a power move that you know, flush my shit. It's she just wanders off. You know what someone like sometimes I have one and I have a look and I'm like, I'm going to have to send a picture of this to someone. I'm always disgusted. To leave it and walk away. Yeah, but like Etta hasn't got a camera phone.

No, she's not. That's her only way of doing it. She sold it for drugs. She'd be posting them to Instagram if she had an account. You know what I think as well sometimes. Adam on parenting. No, this is not on parenting, this is on human behaviour, sociology you could call it. We've evolved from apes. Right?

Facts. Allegedly. But surely there should be something in our evolution to do with like this sort of thing. Do you know what I mean? Because like, if you just left a baby and didn't teach it this stuff, it just piss and shites itself forever, wouldn't it? It wouldn't be ours to be shitting where it eats, literally.

Like animals do, it just wouldn't be ours. That's when we became a civilized society, isn't it? Yeah, be asked, be shitting where it eats, literally. Like animals do, just wouldn't be asked. That's when we became a civilized society, isn't it? Yeah, that's what they say. But like even brushing your teeth, like if we were meant to brush our teeth, we would have like developed like, yeah, like finger bristles, wouldn't we? But we haven't.

So maybe we're not meant to brush our teeth. There's probably things we're not meant to do. We're not meant to shower as much as we do. I know that. That's a fact. I wash my hair less these days. Yeah, you're not meant to wash as much as we do. I know that. That's a fact. I wash my hair less these days. Yeah, you're not meant to wash your hair as much. Same.

I wash my hair less these days, now that it's longer. Yeah, because we're not meant to be washing our bodies with detergents, et cetera, every day. Don't wash it with detergents, ever. Like we weren't made that way. I mean, I do, because social etiquette, I don't want to stink. There's a lot of things we do that we're not necessarily naturally meant to do. Like I

don't think women and men are shave every hair on the body apart from the head, are they? Shoes? I don't think women's podcast. No, that's unnatural. Thanks for listening everyone. You don't want to wear shoes, surely? No, you're not. Yeah, but we've evolved and worked out

that it's developed as a society as a species and worked out that it's well better. Yeah. Yeah. But they've designed, have you seen those shoes where it's just like the cut out of each toe and it's meant to be better for your posture and all around just general like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Just like the premium petrol. Who's buying those? Yeah. When Nike start doing them, you don't black ones. You got to train your feet to wear them. You look like a lizard. Nike did one 20 years ago where it was just your big toe. Yeah. It was separate. I had the, I'm a ridiculous sneaker head. I remember you were, you were crazy for a bit, weren't you?

I've still got loads of, uh, saying is yeah, I just, we used to chat. I'm trying to expand, uh, me, me wardrobe, which is why I've got me tassel loafers on today. How many, how many pairs of webs have you got? I don't know how many, Could you put them? Could, webs? That's a scousism.

Is it? Yeah. That's my first, this is the first time I've ever heard that. What's your grail perch, Oli? Probably the Jordan 1, black and red. The classic. Jordan 11. Oh my God.

Black and red. I watched the film again. What? Last week. Like how iconic is that man and that shoe that they can make a film about how the company that made the shoe signed him as a, as a client. It's such a watchable film. Like Laura, it was one of them, you know, when you have a film on and your partner comes in and goes on what you're watching. And 10 minutes she was in. Yeah. Fucking brilliant.

Yeah. I went to the Nike campus last week actually got the tour in Oregon. Yeah. And what's it called? Nike HQ. Yeah. I don't know. Um, no, what bit of Oregon is it? Beaver town. That's it. Yeah. Was it Beaverton? Yeah. Beaver town. That's a different thing. It's up the road. The employees go there after. Cause you're in the States a lot, aren't you? You go. Well, recently, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I got a working visa over there and started doing some touring over there. And, uh, yeah, it's just, I'm still jet lagged to shit cause I just came back. But that, that campus is like, for me, it was like the Wonka factory. It was like, can you, can you buy pairs there? Yeah. Well, they brought us to the staff store and gave us their discount and stuff. And it was just like, what is the discount? Get

this 40%. Okay. I can't get all this into the bag. You'll be paying tariffs on your own fucking luggage. Yeah. I mean, people over there are so sad. Like, certainly in the blue states anyway, there's so much darkness. Like they're clinging to comedy. They're like clamoring to get to laugh about things because it just it just looks like it's going off a cliff. So you're in DC and you ended up in Oregon. Where have you done in this last

little talk? Last two weeks we went Vancouver, Seattle, Portland, San Francisco, LA, Boston, New York, DC, Toronto. Two weeks. Two weeks. That's a class talk. It was great. I brought my wife and's a class tour. It was great. I brought my wife and my son with me. It was Easter holidays. So it was just a family trip getting to do all this for the first time.

It's one of those kind of, you know, like you must be fucking absolutely wrecked. But like half of it was when are you going to get to do that? Like your kids memories like you'll remember our holidays. The shit we were doing. Yeah. My dad didn't tour North America. Four times. Like we're outside the White House. You're like his jaws on the floor because you just think that's a thing off the telly, right? Like what's, what's the, what's the core childhood memory for you that you like from holidays? For me, it's like I fell off a Lilo and me and he had

to rescue me. I was four and then he drowned in Turkey. I kicked a car out of reverse in a French car park. I stood on while I'd been left in it and it rolled back. It rolled back and some French men had to stop it rolling into the shop of memories. None of that included the fucking Nike campus. I'm playing virtual tennis loads. One. What was it? What was before the auto in Spain? What was a coin called France? So yeah, so I have Mexican money. You took that anyway, playing virtual tennis on repeat by the pool. I remember I wanted a bandana like told me that you put it across your mouth, you know, like the, like a cowboy would. And I couldn't breathe properly. So I told him to

get it off me and put it back. And then later that day I found out you can also put those ones around your head. And my cousin had got one and he now had it on his head. And I thought he looked dead cool and I didn't have one. So that made me that sad. This is great. We really opened a tin of worms here. Everyone with all these positive childhood memories. They are genuinely the only, no there's one other, so the only time I ever went abroad was this holiday with me auntie, me uncle and his son, not her son, his son from a previous thing. So the four of us went on this holiday like a little weird sort of put together family. And that was my only abroad holiday and my only three memories of it are falling off the Lilo thinking I was drowning,

not being able to breathe and then mints had about me bandana and how much I thought 7-Up was delicious. Put that in your journal. I remember going to buy cigarettes for my gran in Crete. I didn't smoke them, but you did a cigarette. I did a cigarette. Can we use the phones? You have to ring all week. They have to put like 7,000 numbers in together and you'd be amazed at it. Ring all. I never went on any. I never went abroad. I go to poor Ireland was like, where did you go? Where was where was holidays to the west of Ireland to carry? And it was, it was just two weeks. That's that. And then back and every year we never

went anywhere abroad ever. Like, like guys, this has become a real kind of poor us podcast. You just took your kid to San Francisco. You're doing all right. Yeah. Like carry for two weeks to not even just a fucking bank holiday weekend. Oh, Jesus. It's not at the Garvin though. Boys. Oh, you're going to have to. No, I'm from the other side of the current at Garvin's the other side. But the car is like Ireland's desert for people that don't know. And this man's so Jala came in and was like, I'm from outside. And the only place we know out there is counter kill their at Garvin and the current because we went and did the GAA special. And I went, oh yeah, we've been to have it. And Jala's It was what you know, like you could see the weird

misunderstanding like what is going on? How do you know this very specific place? Yeah, it's cause I'm trying to find the comparison because we're up the garment. Like what would be the comparison here? Like old swan or something like, no, it's, it's more of a town. It's probably like, but it's a witness scam. Like it's a pinprick in a map. It's not even a town at Garth. Yeah, it is. It is a road, isn't it? Yes. Yeah. That's it. And he goes, Oh, we know at Garth and you're like, what? I fell in love that. Yeah, I did. It is beautiful. And I fell in love with the GIA, But I grew up seeing once since. Yeah. I mean, like there's nothing there but horses, sheep, where's the place nearby that sells the silver? Newbridge

silverware. I thought that's all my, uh, cutlery that made a gift. Good gear. That I mean that that's fancy now, but back in the day that was literally was just nothing. It was, it's amazing what they've done there to turn that into a, an actual desk at holiday. Yeah. I'm sorry. You've bought specific silverware from a town near Athgarvan. When we moved into our house, cause my partner's family's from Cork, they were like, Oh, we're going to get you a gift. We're going to get you new bridge silver. And I was like, I don't know what that means. And he got us loads of cutlery and stick the sickest cutlery ever. So good forks and forks and it's like the sickest cutlery ever. So good. Fawkes isn't it?

Fawkes isn't it? It's all new but it's still in it. That's all I know about the area. Good Fawkes. You're back in Ireland now. After years in London. Yeah I lived in St Albans for 10 years. That's where a lot of comics ended up wasn't it? It was fucking Chris Kent. Chris Kent went there. They all followed me there.

I always say that though. They followed me there and then they went there because it is a sweet spot for comedians to live because it's just on them. 25 on the M1. You're 20 minutes from the center of the city. It's an amazing place to raise a kid. Unbelievable. I couldn't believe it. Like I literally got on a plane to Luton and just went, well, where am I going to live?

Literally a bag on my back and I'm at the airport Googling good towns to live in on the outskirts of London. Said St Albans. I jumped on the bus, went down and rented a house. That was it. Where Adam LaLanne is from. Who? Adam LaLanne. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Except that on Google.

Only we're happy about that. Yeah, Yeah. Yeah. Everyone else is like, you gave it to us as well. I was asking what made you move back to Ireland? Like, is it just like loads of Irish people? I always, that was always the plan. And Dylan Moran does a great joke about that, that, uh, Irish people always plan on moving back to Ireland. They can never understand why it's not happening. I was going to move back to Ireland. All right. I'm just trying to save up the money. I don't know why it's taken so long. Will you have a pint? Will you have a pint? That's a monster, isn't it?

Yeah, it's amazing. But we just always wanted to go back with just our son. We wanted him to go to school there. Can I ask you a question? I'm 99% sure I'm right about this because it might be number one. It's definitely in me top three. Dylan Moran's monster is my favorite special maybe ever. It's certainly up there. You were there, weren't you? For the tape. I was at the filament of that. That's cool. Is that Vickishry?

Yeah. Did we talk about that? I don't know. I don't know whether I'd seen you. I think we talked about favorite specials and I was at that and what was mad was he came out and did the first half and we were like that was the best thing we have ever seen. We're in the bar going oh my God this is the best piece of stand up that's ever been filmed because like massive comedy fans at this point. I'm not a stand up at all. What year is this? About 2004, 2005? Two or three.

Okay. And obviously you were just a punter. You were in the comic. Oh wow. We go back in and the second half is 10 times better. It was just like he went up another letter like it was, you know, it's like people watching Michael Jordan going, there's no way. And then he does. That's not, that's not, and then it happens. We watched that and we're just like, this is not going to get better. This is like prior level of stuff.

Like, have you ever been in a room where you've watched a piece of stand up and you've thought that kind of way? Or like, I'm watching the Hendrix. I think there are comic, when you, when you, a punter, before you've tried it, there are comics that are so good. It's almost off putting. Yeah. Cause you're like, I don't know how you even start to do

this magic. It's like we've said it on here. It's quite, it's quite good to then see some of the other levels to go, no, I'll give this a crack. Like absolutely. Jamie and murderous row in Manchester was one of the most mental things I've ever seen. For many reasons. We watched history then. In terms of destroying a room, I've not seen anything like that. Jamie's found a gear that I don't think many standups have ever found. And I'm sure there's going to be comedy fans that aren't into what Jamie does in certain

places, whatever, certain sort of socio-demographic sort of, you know what I mean? Like, there will be, but every time I've seen him for the last two, three years, he is in like a level of standup that what he gets from the crowd that I've seen maybe five or six comics match in 25 years of watching standup. It's unbelievable what he can do. And that night particularly.

And he doesn't wanna be filmed. Really? No, he's never filmed any of his standup. He's got this podcast following from doing a combination of his own show, this show and a few others. Which would you prefer to watch a destruction or a death? What are your friends? Would you prefer to see your death. I'd love to see Jamie die. Just to see, just to see, just to see if he keeps doing it full tilt. Cause he goes, we are in performing gear and to see what, because I have only seen him destroy for like three years. What happens when a crowd goes, I don't know. I think we could set that up. That's going to happen.

We'll get him back. That's the question. Well, he's doing tomorrow in Leeds for us for murder as well. Be funny if like, want to use take him to shop or something to get some cans. And I say to the crowd, for the first five minutes, give him absolutely fucker and just see what he does. I don't think, or you give him an introduction that makes life difficult. Like some of the worst introduction I ever got was in Vicar Street doing a charity show and Carl Spain introduces me by saying this next act was meant to be Charlotte Regan, but he got sick and I mean, we'd no one to replace him. But someone said Ricky Gervais is in town. Someone else said, I've actually got his number.

So we text Ricky. He's in town filming. He said he'd love to do the show. Place is going bananas. Like people are going, what? He goes, so ladies and gentlemen, then Jarlath got better. So ladies and gentlemen, will you please welcome to the stage Jarlett Rigg. I mean, if you could introduce him in such a way that he walks onto nothing where people are actually angry. There's no one who our audience would rather say.

I also think they would laugh regardless. I don't think you can give him that. I think he's too fucking funny. I think we'd have to book a gig in St Albans like a, like an art center or not center. Yeah. You know what I mean? If you talk Jamie's parts of London, they wouldn't like him. No, I think London's too many people. No, I think he'd still do bits, you know, because they love drugs. Drugs, drugs, humor. I think you want to midweek like art sensory, the wrong mailing list. Like if you could get hold of everyone who gives a fuck about radio for comedy, this is the weirdest setup ever. Right? Yeah. We

literally struggling to think of a setting that went, Jamie Hutchinson doesn't rip it. Yeah. Is there, is there any standup specials where you wish you were in the room? Cause like that's like a Holy grail thing. And I know Nick Cody, the Australian lad, he was at Patrice O'Neill's elephant in the room. What? And he was at one of Louis CK's old ones as well.

I think it was hilarious. Like long before it was ever a problem to go and see him. He went and seen that and I think Bill Bares let it go. He was at that as well. How? Unbelievable. He was such a big fan and he was in America for a bit. And if he found out like a big comic was taping something, he would just get like a fucking car and get there. Do you tell your audience to tape it before you do it?

A lot of the time. You mean like even before they get there, yeah? I have, yeah. Yeah. I'm saying is it just local people just holding to be on? No, no, most like it's, a lot of the American guys have noticed they do, here's my full tour.

And there's just a notable town missing from it. And then like a month later they go, special tape in Portland. It's funny cause the Dylan one, I was just just got tickets for Dylan and in we went and the cameras were there. Was the shittest introduction you've ever been given the one that really made life difficult for you? I remember.

Really early on, Paul Smith at Hotwater, I don't know if I'm right, just introduced me just as like a prick. It was just like, like we're having a few drinks and he was like, this will be funny. And I'm like eight weeks into doing stand up or something. And he's like this next guy's like, he's been here for the last few weeks. He's, he's trying on that. But you know, it's not great at the minute, but like, you know, humor him and that. Like he's not, we went for a pint, like he's not a great man. He's not getting his round and just being a bit of a cunt and that.

So like, don't feel like, you know, if you don't enjoy this, it's not on you. It's on him. So I think it's Adam. Is it Roe? Roe? Roe? Adam Roe. And I walked on literally at a bag of shit because I had no idea how to handle it. And a week later, he did the same thing to me. But I walked on and said something like that's the kind of introduction you get when you've shagged the compers sister. And that got a big laugh and set me up. And then for about six months after that, every time I did the gig, I'd be like, well, you introduced me like a prick again, cause I've got a really good opening line.

Cause you've got a joke. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's, um, I've, I've had some that have been like I remember late in life, John Hastings did like a roast, uh roast intro and I walked on and tried to match it and they instantly hated it. They didn't know me. I don't even know if they knew John Hastings. So he was like, ah, it's late in life. We'll make it legendary. But I don't know late in life has not been legendary for 20 years. There's certain MCs that everybody's like, everyone's got an MC that they struggle with. Oh, their bogey MC. Yeah. I used to do a lot of MCing for the 99 Club in London and Bob Mills, like,

it's just a legend of that club. You know, you know Bob Mills? Yeah. London guy. And he used to do this thing after I introduced him and it would get me every single time. And it's just so Bob Mills. But each time my heart would stop and then he'd crush me. So the line was, I'd bring him on and he'd go,

Joel of Freakin' everybody, Joel of Freakin'. Mark my words, in a year's time, a lot of you won't be able to afford to go and see him. And I'd be like, Oh, that is so kind. And he go, do you want to know why? Cause a lot of you going to lose your jobs. That was a good accent by the way. He doesn't even know who Bob Mills is. He's a Geordie. What I mean is it was a good British actor. He's a Jamaican man. Oh, that was awful. He's like, I don't know this Bob Mills, but I feel like I know him now after that. It was a good British actor.

Let's have a break. That's a long old section. Hello everyone, it's Dan and Harry. To talk about our absolute favourite sponsor, it's Manscaped. Manscaped.com for the very best below the belt men's grooming. But my god they also do faces. This will be a fierce. I trim up my mustache. I mean it's gone into a bit of a goatee now but I will use my beard hedger and I will absolutely crop off the bottom and it leaves it smooth as baby's bottom. Listen I don't know what you're using for your face but you've got to try the beard hedger. It's a great bit kit, loads of different sizes, it's waterproof, battery last ages, I've used it for head, face, my wife's back, it's really versatile. And also when it comes to pubes, the Laumauer

5.0 Ultra is the best pubed trimmer in the game. You need to start using this. Listen, my pubic region does look like Carlos Valderrama. with the Lomo 5.0 Ultra I feel like I can prop it down for the misses and really streamline me like crotch chop area. Nice, I wondered where you were going with that. The beard and balls bundle is one of the options. There's loads of other stuff. Go and have a look at manscape.com. I use the dome shaver at the moment. It has changed how I shave my big shiny bald head. Can we get a discount here, do you reckon, for our listeners? I think we can. I think with the code word 20, you get 20% off. And, wait for this, Don, free shipping worldwide. Ah, phenomenal. Manscaped, shave your pabs and do it well.

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to a healthy range. If you want to check your testosterone levels use our code WORD45 for 45% off manuals at home testosterone blood tests. It's the first step in putting your health first. Jarlath, where can we find you online and all your many internet endeavours? I guess I'm mainly on Instagram, Facebook and TikTok. YouTube. Classic. What are you at? What are your handles? Oh, I don't even know them. The amount of guests we have in who just don't know the answers to that question. There's not loads of jarlaths. I'm the only jarlath. I'm the first jarlath on Twitter. I'm still there calling it Twitter. I've not updated the app.

No, I'm not going to do that. It's still Twitter on my phone. Oh, yeah. So it's at Jarlath on Twitter and on Instagram it's Jarlath Regan underscore Irishmanabroad, which was such a silly idea. It's the longest handle ever. If you search me on there. You're an OG of successful podcasting, aren't you? Definitely. I think you, when did you get in? About 10, 15 years ago. 2013 did the first episode while at the Edinburgh Fringe of Irish Man Abroad.

No plans or knowledge of what was going to happen next. I didn't even know. Can you do is it right to do another episode right away? But it was the cover of the Irish Times episode one was. So we were just like boom in with the bullet number one, people going when's the next one recorded the next one up there. And then we did miss a week for 10 years, just like you guys. You've been saying that people in the break you've had Bob Geldof, Steve Coogan, like

Insane, Sharon Horgan. What's the sort of the concept of the show? Just so our listeners know to go and watch it. Irish Man Abroad began with me moving abroad and not knowing what the hell I'm doing and really knowing that loads of our this is Ireland's best thing, import, export is our people and Guinness. So I was like, we surely should be pooling this information. So had a bunch of numbers in my phone and I just thought I'll ring them up and

see who will talk. And I was amazed that people were like, I've never done a podcast. This is how long ago it was like, I've never done a podcast. I'd like to give that a go. And suddenly you're sitting down with these people and hearing about their journey, how they did it and really figuring out how am I going to do it? Because I was like broke as a joke. I mean, it was penniless and living in England and no clue how am I going to do

this at all? And, you know, Dylan Moran, Ed Byrne, Jason Byrne. So it's a lot of comics to start with. If people go back into the archive, they can hear all those stories. And I was just one man on a microphone going around the place doing it. And it spawned other episodes, other series, you know, Irish man behind bars, Irish man inside basketball, Irish man in America, Irish man running abroad. It's gone like it's it's it's definitely fed my family for many years and it's still

going like it's mad. Yeah, fair play. Who would you say is your favorite like interview you've done that isn't a comic or if you if you can't pick like two or three fans though? It's hard though, isn't it? I'm sure you're the same way. It's hard because you love all your episodes. Yeah. Is there not one that we...

Was the one where you sat down with someone like Bob Geldof or someone where you were like, oh fuck, this is... I remember Boy George ringing me on my birthday and going, can you come over now and do the episode? Leaving my birthday cake to go to Boy George's mansion on Hampstead Heath. And sitting in like you're sitting there. Like I remember sitting in like you're sitting there. I remember sitting in this big carved wooden chair while Boy George got his shit together in his coffee and he said, you like that chair, don't you?

And it was like two big gigantic dicks on the arms. Oh, yeah, I do. Yeah. Like the scenarios I found myself in, because I would always go to the house, try trying, you know, try and meet the person. It's so funny, the pandemic changed all these podcasts into these Zoom things, because meeting them in person, eye to eye, face to face, like some of those experiences. And especially in an environment they're most comfortable.

Yeah, you go to their house. We've never done a Zoom episode apart from when it was just me and Dan and we had to for a bit. We've never, like we've been offered some of the biggest guests you can imagine in comedy. And it's like, but you got to do zoom. We're not doing it. No. It's a policy and it just is. Yeah. That we tried to make an, our policy is they have to get to this room.

There was one guy we were going to make an exception for recently, which was Shane Gillis. He's done it before. We wanted them back on. So we were like, if we can just get a studio in London, it just didn't work out. But our policy is you've got to be in our room with us. But I would imagine, because occasionally we get people who sit on the couch and they freeze a little bit because they're a bit like, what the fuck? Because they're not used to like, it's a TV studio, essentially. But I imagine doing it in someone's living room makes them settle a lot more because then you're the guest. Oh, yeah.

I mean, really, when you're in somebody's house and they've made you tea and you've met the dog and you've met the wife and all of that. But also I was taught that the strength of Irishman abroad, I always wanted it to be the strength, was the research. So I do a month's research on each person. And I always felt if you can ask people the question nobody's ever asked them, that they've always wanted to be asked, that the shutters come up, the gates open and the conversation flows in a way that it wouldn't.

We've all sat in interviews with people asking you questions. Oh, the worst fucking boring question. Could you not look that up? Where'd you get your ideas from? What made you want to get into Carmen? Well in our research we found out that you've given a kidney to your brother. Yeah that wasn't connected to the podcast. It wasn't like a deal.

A special episode. A Patreon. How did that happen? Basically, my brother was really sick and they figured out it was his kidney was the issue among other things. And he rang me and said, would you come over and test us if you're a match? And you know, he'd say yes, because he's your brother and you love him. But also he was the favorite in the family and I knew I'd never hear the end of it. If he died.

So I flew over to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota, where he was getting it done, which is like NASA for medicine. Really, it's a city that is a hospital. It's an insane experience just to go there and see everything rotates around the hospital, did the testing, you're a match. This is going to happen. Do you decide straight away? I get emotional now. Just even just saying that I did it. You say yes straight away. There's no question and no question because like, would you, would you give me your kidney? Let me reframe that.

Would you let me not give you my kidney? I'm just wondering like, first of all, how much you love me. And second of all, like, wouldn't you be sat there going, this could be the end of the pod and you might have to go and back to doing first decent degree. There's no question you'd these are the gling. Oh God. But I'm not, I'm not doing it just through love. I want to broker a really good deal. Do you know what I mean?

This has got to, there's got to be a little bit of back and forth if it's my brother, God thank fuck. I don't have one. Then yeah, you do it out of pure love. And I do it for you and love. And then, you know, we'll sign a little contract. We'll make a deal. I think I fancy a new car. You should hug me. I feel you should hug now. How does it affect your life? Having one kidney? Well, I was probably 12 kilos heavier. Oh wow. Yeah. You just have a way greater respect for your health.

I don't drink anymore, even though I could drink as much as I like. And it doesn't affect how quickly you get drunk or anything like that. Honestly, you walk around. I think a lot of fellas worry about whether people think they're sound. You know, you know, that's one of the things that you lie awake in night going, I think I'm a prick. I didn't do that.

Why don't I say that? I think once you give someone a kidney, you don't worry about that. You know, you're a good egg. You've got a scar and a certificate that says you're sound and a legacy of soundness. I think a lot of Irish fellas are chasing that. That's why they're buying so many pints. I'm still doing the pint thing. That's where I'm getting mine from.

Yeah, you're fucking up your kidneys so you don't have to give them anyone. That's a great way to go. Clever. My brother's still alive. I mean, that's the big thing. It's like his life changed like that. Like changed. Have you asked him for anything back?

Yeah. Do you have a user? Like I give you a kidney. They're very, very, very strict around all of that. They're very, very strict around the idea of there can never be a suggestion that he is paying you for. No, but it's your brother. Like do you ever ask him for a favor and be like,

I gave you a kidney. So like, let me fucking move on. Cause there's a weird thing. And you need that level of leverage. You need it. Have to have it. Otherwise you're not getting that over. All right.

I should get some leverage out of it. You should use that. I should get some leverage out of it. You should use that. You know, like this is the really tough bit of it. You know, if anybody's watching this and is thinking about donating a kidney or has been approached to, call me. Message me. I'll call everyone back. I'll talk to anybody about this. Because it takes a special kind of person to do. You need to be tough as fuck to do it.

And not like in a strangest way, like in the strangest way, there's only certain people that can do it, but the high like we talked about Kilimanjaro I heard you guys are going to be doing that like marathons, I've run marathons. There is no high like this. Like you float for a good week. Cause you feel so good about yourself for doing it. As a drug addict, that sounds really appealing but I can only get two hits.

Here's a question. Yeah, I draw the line at one. I only, I'm only giving away one kid. Would you rather give me one of your kidneys or one of your knee caps? Because the kidney, like you see, and it can make a positive improvement in your life. You can get a kidney. Yeah. Okay. Why don't you dance? You're short. Then you can't go through the airport scanners. You have to get in the little tub and go through the machine with the bags. And that would be annoying. I genuinely believe that if you are thinking, if you're going through this, if you have this jeopardy in your life and

you message Jarl, if he'll get in touch. I do like I do. I say that to everybody. Like people need to talk to people about it because the only people that really understand are the people that have been through it. So like, I mean, when you say you're just talking about like the, the mental strength it takes to give a part of you away. Is that what you're talking about? Yeah. And amongst other things. Yeah. I mean, there's, there's no benefit to you from it. And the doctors will ask you nearly every 15 minutes, you still want to do this? Like even right before they put the mask on, you still, you still want to do it and you get to pull out like what are the potential risks to you though?

You die, you die in the operation. That's that one. Very, very. The biggest one. That's a big one. I mean, that's very, very rare, but that's still a possibility. You know, I've obviously got high blood pressure now. That's a side effect. I take a couple of tablets every day for that. But like the impact of it is that, you know, some families don't deal well with it. You know, there can actually be jealousy in families around the person who did it and those that didn't. Suppose you think you're great now, you know. I mean, that's in families anyway, without kidneys being donated. So, you know, there's something that this is why I talk to people about it.

It's like you kind of got to really know. You got to really know. I knew I could do it. I knew I could do it. And I also knew that I'd get a really good stand up show out of it. Just remember, message your Jack first. Shall we do some have a words? Yeah, baby. Yeah. This is where the headphones come in, right? Yeah, you can't hear this, Charlotte. This is a song. We don't just dance to silence. Yeah, you can't hear this, Jarlath, there's a song. We don't, just dance to the silence. If you ever have a word, send it in at

haveawordpod.gmail.com and if you can't remember that email address, please do not DM me because unlike Jarlath, I won't message back. It's annoying. I say it on the pod. Anonymous lady! Wag wag lids, have a word with my boyfriend. The entire time we've been together, he has had beautiful long hair. Over the weekend, he's given himself a buzz cut without asking my opinion.

Now he's got a baldy head and doesn't understand why I'd be annoyed with him making such a drastic change visually, like without seeing what I'd think. Please have a word. It says Ed, love. Yeah, but she's looking at it. It's like living on baconkenhead, isn't it? You get to look at Lib Perlin's boss. What?

Respectfully, what? I know what he means. We live in the city and we love it here. It's gorgeous. But people in Birkenhead, they get to see it. We get to look at them. So she gets to look at his head. Yeah, but if you knock the radio,

she says, he's towered down. It's still look quite good, wouldn't it? That's all he's done. But you've got to ask Birkenhead first. Is that what you're saying? Yeah, Birkenhead, you sign with me, ruining what you get to look at his head. Yeah, but if you knocked the radio says he's tower down, it's still look quite good, wouldn't it? That's all he's done. But you've got to ask Birkinhead first. Is that what you said? Yeah, Birkinhead, you signed with me ruining what you get to look at. Do you think we consult people from Birkinhead before we change our skyline? Do you think that's what happens? No, but I'm sure they're upset. We just knocked everything down. I just think it's similar. Should you ever make a drastic change like this without consulting your Mrs. Would you shave

your head? Not if you're fucking 44 and you've still got that barnet with the same age and look, he's rocking a quiff. I think, I think it is a pretty selfish thing to do. I'm with her on this. Yeah, it stinks. I think it's pretty sad. Yeah, it's his head, but like, how would he feel? Yeah.

Flip it. I'm not going to go to just let's not even like, and she had the Ronaldo 2002. Oh, great. With an R9 is the thing. I wouldn Yeah, yeah, yeah. She should do this. She should shave her head. Yeah, I know. She should shave her head and use some of the air to give herself a little Hitler muzzy and then go into him and be like, look what you've done.

I think she went too far. Why? The Hitler mustache. We'll call it a Charlie Chaplin then. Much better. Yeah, I think it's just good housekeeping. There's one person you're allowed to bang We'll call it a challenge happening. Watch your bed. Yeah. I think it's just good housekeeping. There's one person you're allowed to bang in a long term relationship.

You know, you can do what you want. It's not bad housekeeping to go, Hey, you're still going to want to bang me if I look like this. Fair enough. You do have the ultimate decision. You think we'll already be made up if you got a full out of it. Oh, like the hair transplant we tried to get you. She'd be like this.

I heard. I heard the news. They said it was going to take too much. It's wiggle boss for Danny nights. I can't do it. So I can't like, you need a second opinion. You can get a, you can get a two pay. I think you got a shop around. Yeah. You can get a tube. Have you seen some of these videos? Can't be glued in on a tube. I'll glue it. I will. If someone can recommend me a place where you get a really good glue on tube. Yeah. I mean, it would look incredible. Yeah. What if I got home and Laura just went, Oh God, upstairs now. It was so heartbreaking. Are you downstairs when she's saying that? Yeah. And she's upstairs. Why do we have so many difficulties about

upstairs and downstairs? Two floors in my house. If I just shout the wrong director, hang on. Hang on. I know we're just doing a bit of... Where is she in the house, Dabro? Yeah, yeah. Your act-outs need to be so precise around these guys. But I'm on the ground floor, as is Laura. I walk in. Yeah, I'd be gutted if she was like, oh God, babe, next level. But what if you're not funny with her? Yeah. What if I'm funnier?

That's Friday, a bit of swagger. Every one of my punchlines could have done with a hair flick. Like what am I like? I was the TRT. Then he feels impression of someone with hair. What am I like? 30% of Sean Walsh's set. It's phenomenal. He's like, Oh God, it's so annoying. That sounded like I hate Sean Walsh's comedy.

I love Sean Walsh's comedy, but the hair annoyance. Yeah. How's the TRT? He's on testosterone replacement therapy. Currently. Are you going through male menopause? Yeah, yeah, I am. I've got perimenopause. Um, how is it going? Why are you taking that? What's going on here? So Dan doesn't feel like a man anymore. Okay. Is that what you read from her understanding? That's what you said to us. Yeah. You said, I feel like a bit of a little lady. I didn't say any of those words. I remember that. You said that. I'm growing a vagina. Help boys. Lady and not to do anything wrong with that. But I'd rather be a man. No, we're in a limousine and you went going, Hey boys, I'm feeling less like a woman. I mean more like a woman. I mean, like, all right. And you all went, that was great. I remember that. Yeah. And then I got on TRT. It

all makes sense. I don't know why you can't concentrate. Um, yeah, I'm on the TRT and it's fine, but it's not growing in my hair back. We know that that's not, that's not a good idea. Like, yeah. Is it good on your sex drive? TRT makes your hair fall out. Is it making you want to go? Yeah. It's making me want to go pow. Are you horny? A little bit horny. You look great. How do you make more? Come on. Kids? Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah, I've got four kids now.

That's how good it is. That's how strong it is. But are you? Yes. Yes. What do you want me to say? Yes. Oh dear.

Yeah. And it's giving me a fucking edge, mate. No, I think you're not. I think you get more come, but not putting it in the right places. No, it's going in all the same places. Tissues. Yes, I feel good. Thank you. Feel jacked.

Feeling a little bit of the gains. My energy good. English. Can't speak. No. So you were tested and had low testosterone. He was tested and it was fine. And he decided he wants it anyway.

Oh, that's not, that's not true. He tried to cheat the system by wanking loads before the test. And that actually improved my testosterone. So this is the story and this is true. This is through the eyes of an eye. I came in and went, why am I lady? And then I, you know, had 17 wanks and they were like, your test is high. No, I've tested low and I feel good.

It's good. I just want to, I want to go into my mid forties and you know, strong, strong physical and mental. What's the upside of the TRT? What do you say? Improved energy, improved sleep, improve libido, um, retention of like muscle. Can you not get a little, add this as one that lowers your libido? That's what you'd be better for you. Wouldn't it? Oh, I want to feel alive. I do feel alive. It's great. You've got a high libido anyway. Yeah. Well now I'm fucking I'm juicing my libido mate. Libido is a good way to just naturally increase your testosterone. Oh, probably a big vegan. Probably a balanced

diet. Eat more healthy food and walk. Run. So you're still training for a marathon. Didn't I see that ages ago? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I am back on it today. Yeah. Is it in the journal journal? I'm going for a run when I get home. Good man.

Yeah. How far? I'll do 5k today. Okay. About a bit of a week of booze and an eating like shit. So a little tow toe dip back in. Ten to five and ten K's as like a general day to day

running. And then I've run one half marathon. How'd it go? I fell. But it wasn't bad enough to get shot. So how much are you running? You do a running podcast. I ran a few marathons

the other year, but then I was like, what was your best time for that? But 345. That's so quick. It's okay. It's okay. It's really good. Anything below four is impressive. Yeah. He's not carrying the weight of that extra kidney. So he's I was one hour 52 and me half marathon. So yeah. And that was whipping carried across the line as well. It would have been like an hour 10. It's immediately starts to become boring. Doesn't it? Cause runners are so boring. And I think a lot of that is they can't believe they're runners. Yeah. They're like, can you believe I'm doing this? Yeah. Let me tell you about what I'm doing. But like what the internet's for in there. Like if you London Marathon was just the other weekend and I mean, they're

the bit they don't show you. Do you see all the, all the videos? Everyone comes through the line after the line. It is like saving private right? It is carnage. I had to say it's on the floor. I couldn't even sit on a bench because I was, I threw up all over the floor. This is after the half as well. I threw up all over the floor. Think about doing that again. This is the thing. This is cause that half was in a me training for the Paris marathon, which had already signed up for. I was like, well, I'll do the half will be time quite well. I couldn't have done the full marathon, I don't think. God, everyone's cut out for it.

You had stage four tuberculosis as well. I did get COVID, yeah. But the idea of getting to that finish line and then going, right, another lap. Yeah, turn around and go back again. What's an ultra marathon? Any longer than a marathon? 36, oh, sorry, I thought it was a marathon and a half.

No, if you do 200 yards past the marathon, you've done an ultra marathon. Is that real? Is that true? Yeah. I sometimes run the little bit afterwards and go, that was an ultra. It's like a hundred feet. I thought it was like a double marathon or something. No, that's a double marathon. No, I mean, they're mostly a little. What's an Ironman?

It's not like cycling, running and swimming backwards or something. Moonwalking. What's an Ironman? Do you know an Ironman? It's not like cycling, running and swimming backwards or something. Moonwalking. What's an Ironman? You must know an Ironman. Swimming, cycling, like a hundred k and then running. Yeah. So it's triathlon basically. Yeah. Fucking. It's what you're going to be doing after this testosterone has kicked in. Yeah. Hey, you wake up feeling better. Me and Dan were supposed to do the chest a half marathon next month, but he's pulled out. I'm busy. So I have someone booked. Busy. Or weddings. How annoying. Yeah, I feel good. You really want to do it. I recommend it. It's not for you yet. Recommend cancel the marathons. Yeah, it's much better than doing them. I'm a big fan. Yeah, I really want to get a few more in. A few more. Half marathons and marathons.

We all just. I honestly thought I want to get a few more marathons in. The goal is I'd like to run the New York marathon by the time I'm 40. Why? Like New York, like marathons. You could just go to New York. He's been to New York and he's never run the marathon. That's what he means. It's a big one. Go to New York and cheer people on at the marathon. It is the best spectator sport. Like that is how people are running marathons. Because you go and like think about it. Every other spectator sport you go to, they're trying to block you out. Like fuck off.

I'm trying to do the thing. You get to the 26th mile and you stand there and cheer people on and they're begging for it. They're like, say something that gets me over the line. It is. It's just, it's just the most fun I ever. An American with their energy and their positivity. Yeah. You know what I mean? I don't want like a Northern British marathon. The London one though, like it is like a football match. Like you've got your name across your chest and they're literally going, Adam, you are fucking got this mate.

Yeah. That was that anyway. What's the etiquette with plopping? Like he's got IBS if he's 22 miles in, he's got to finish. He got a plop. What's the etiquette for you? Are we allowed to shit on the road frowned upon? No, but I'm saying like, say it's not illegal to poo anywhere. It's illegal to piss genuinely because you can't hold the shit in. Like if a shit really wants to come out, it's coming out. There's nothing you can do. So if I just pooed on the ground outside. So you go onto Castle Street and you go, I just got caught short. It's a shit here.

Yeah. No, no fixed penalty charge. No, you might have to go and get it. I was also in and watch the street. Right. So what took place for you to need to check this out? I've just got a bit of a bad stomach and I've literally had to thaw before. What if I got caught short? Right. So you got onto your solicitor. Get like pissing on something. They'll, they'll find you for that because like you could have held that in. I know it's an offense. So there's no specific, there's no specific rule, but if the police wanted, they can go. That's a public order. If it causes harassment, alarm or distress, which you're doing, you'll pay to find for that brother.

Arrasment. Childlike. Yeah. So I have a police want to be a day. How they call, but not legally like officer that man is harassing me with his asshole. He took a shit on my shoes on someone's that's not so bad one. And she just doing in the middle of the streets. So we call it a barn. Yeah. Fuck me. So what? It's gone warm as fuck.

Guys, thanks for having me. Giles, thank you so much for coming down. Check out all of this man's fine work. And I'm coming to hot water on the 21st of May. Oh, 21st of May. Tickets out. Full tour's still on sale as well. Full tour's still on sale.

Where's Charles Regan dot com? Jigsr, jigsr dot com. J-I-G-S-E-R. Oh, 21st of May. Tickets out. Still on sale as well. Where's Charles Regan.com? Jigsr.com. J-I-G-S-E-R. Don't ask me why. J-I-J-S-E-R. J-I-G-S-E-R.com. Coming to Liverpool May 21st. Beautiful. Yeah. Thanks guys. Enjoy. Great to see the Empire of Hustle. Thank you, mate. Have we got a tune for it? Yes. We've got a song by a band called EMU and this is their tune, Like It Like That. Is it EMU or? It might be EMU, but that is EMU. And it's called?

Like It Like That. It's good. Nice. Enjoy that on the audio. We are EMU. Or EMU. They don't even know. Enjoy that on the audio. We are EMU. Or EMU. They don't even know.

Appreciate it, Lids. She's always 23, she goes to uni She likes you just for me, you know what I mean She's never gonna stay, she sends her heart away She's never gonna change She'll just stay the same Cause I like it like that And I like it like that And I like it like that And I like and I feel like that You never run your own I'm always by the phone

The queen on the throne You'll never be alone And I like you like that And I like you like that She's only 23, she goes to uni She likes it just to me, you know what I mean Yeah! Cause I like it like that And I like it like that And I like it like that And I like you like that all night I want you like that all night