Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #332 with Gianmarco Soresi - Have A Word w/Adam, Dan & Carl

Episode Date: June 8, 2025

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What's happening lids, before we start this week's episode of the podcast, I've got to tell you my brand new stand up special What's Wrong With Me is out right now on the Have A Word YouTube channel. That's youtube.com slash have a word pod if you're listening on audio and if you watch it on YouTube, you're already there. It's the best thing I've ever done. The production value is insane. The reaction has already been insane.

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Not just the stand up, like obviously I'm proud of the hour of stand up that I wrote and it went well all over the country, but the amount of work and effort and attention to detail that will be and the rest of the team have put in to creating this product is just levels above, above anything we've ever done before. And I can't wait to see what everyone thinks of it. So what's wrong with me? Full standup special out now on the podcast YouTube channel that's youtube.com slash have a word pod. Watch it, like it, share it.

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We do loads of live stuff and we've got a huge announcement coming soon tweak a nipple get excited sign up to the patreon enjoy the episode. Finn was great in it. Always. the game from the heart of Liverpool with Adam, Dan, Sensei Carl and Finn. This is the one and only Have Award. Brought to you by Manscape, the very best products on the market for below the waist grooming. Go Ed, get on me. Oh how are you? I'm all right, you a bit worse for the wear? I'm still this I've got a little bit of a getting aftershocks from the from the stag do. Good shot. That's awful shot. What's different?

I've got my headphones. Oh, you haven't got your headphones on? I feel OK. I think I drank Adam's. I think we drank that much sugar that it counteracted the alcohol. The amount of our listeners who've replied to the stories I put up so I didn't really post anything on the day I posted your outfit and if you haven't seen it by the way, that's what Carl looked like on his stag do it the weekend I've never Ever hated like it was it was so perfect

It reminds people go glad you look great or could have been well-worsome like no it couldn't you don't understand how good that is You could be wearing a Sunderland kit No, no, it couldn't. You don't understand how good that is. You could be wearing a Sunderland kit. No, no, it's got to be just on the level of bad when it's believable. Especially because we were on Matthew street and loads of people were dressed like that. So you weren't out of place. I felt fucking, I mean, I sucked it up. I really I felt... You didn't let it ruin the afternoon. No. But you did buck against it. You weren't like, this is great banter. You were like, lads, what can I do to take one item off? Brokering deals.

Oh yeah, ain't it? Yeah. The amount of people who replied to... Because I took a couple of photos out today, really not many though. And I put them on me and said, I'm sorry, I've seen the amount of people who've been like, Was this a hen do? You fucking gang of little puffs because I took a couple of photos out today, really not many though. I put them on me and said, I'm sorry I've seen you much people who've been like, ha ha ha, was this a hen do? You fucking gang of little poofs drinking fucking,

smearing off ice and blue wickets. Hey, old gay eyes. No, we're comfortable enough in our masculinity to drink gay drinks without feeling the need to suck a man off. Really well said. Really well said. And we also had a bottle of rum and other cocktails and we had £5.6 million worth of drinks on the table.

It was like Ochre had walked in and they'd gone give him everything. What the fuck just happened? Just the homophobia man. Just let it go. People can drink whatever they want to drink. We wanted to go back to the old school. We were in Pop World. You can't be in Pop World going, oh no, I want this very specific spiced rum

and this very specific own brand cola. What IPAs have you got love? If it was bottles of cum. What? If it was bottles of cum, yeah. Yeah. I mean, I can't. But it wasn't, was it? And they sell those, so it was an option. It was just love. Smell of ice. I had that many where I felt wanted,

I wanted to be safe. But it was great, it was wonderful. When we arrived to Pop World and they brought over the pre-order. So here's what happened, just so you know, and actually everyone else, you sent me a list of about 30 people, right? And initially, I think 16 or 17 were like,

I can do the sati. And then people drop out because people are flaking it as well. Right? So I got in touch with Pop World who don't let stag dos in. They let hen dos in. They let girls birthday parties in.

They let other, but like a big group of men, they just don't want that, really. So I got in touch with them and was like, hey, our formative years were spent in Pop World. You know, it's our last big night out for them. Like we just, we'd really love if you sort of could find a way to make an exception. And they were like, yeah,

cause they also know both of us, the people who run the PIL Pop World, the management now, were like bartenders when we used to go there. They'd been there for a decade. So they knew it was us. And they were like, yeah, yeah, absolutely. And they went, how many people is it?

And I was like, oh, it's 18 or something, whatever it was, plus a couple more. Cause I was like, if a couple of people add on, I'd rather like, it can't be like they can't get in or whatever. So they went, right, well, it's, I think it was, it was either 35 or 45 pound minimum spend per person. So-

To book a booth. Yeah, so how many people are coming? This many, right, well, it's this much per person. So obviously I fucked myself a little bit there because I was like, I'll just charge you all the 40 quid and then any excess on top of that, I'll just cover it. It is what it is. And then people can- Oh, I didn't realize that. I'll just cover it. It is what it is. And then people can realize that. Right. So

But I had to spend like basically 600 quid before we got there. Oh, yeah, it looked like it. So they were like what? What do you want? For this and a lot of bottles have come They sent me like a pre-order menu where you select what you want. So I booked a package called And you just squatted your head on it I booked a package called the champagne surprise I was surprised and that included a glass of prosecco for everyone coming But remember they thought like nearly 20 of us were coming. There was only I think nine by the time we got in

Yeah, and the shots so that yeah, there was a tower of shots. There was 72 bottles of Alcopop. So there was 36 men off ice, 36 blue wicked. The champagne surprise package also comes with a bottle of spirit and any mixes you want with it. So I got you spiced rum, but then you didn't really drink it anyway. It all just went in to the four mega cocktails.

Oh no, that was great. There was a point when I tipped into Too Sugary, that I had a couple of those, played Little Barman. When I saw that come out, I was like, that is so unnecessary. Two hours later, great shout. So like people were replying, I'm like, fucking hell, any more are you, you've overdone it with all these drinks.

I was like, no, no, no, no. We literally had to order that many drinks in order to secure the booth. And we finished it. That was the most impressive thing I think this podcast has ever achieved. We drank it all. Every drink I've just mentioned,

every single one of them was drank by nine people. Well, a couple of Smirnoff Ice's went the way of that Dublin hen do. No, they swapped us then for bottles of beer. Oh, they were fun as well. They'd got beer with their package, but none of them were drinking beer. So they come over and I was like,

hey, use a big group of lads. Do you want to swap a few of your blue wickets or spin off ice for some of our beers? And me and Jack at that point wanted beer because again, too much sugar. But all of those drinks went, and there was four mega cocktails on top of that, which is like a big party, innit?

The champagne package came with four of them. That was Jack Finnegan boxed off then. It was so cheesy and boss. By the way, this was, we started there at half 10 at night, but we'd all been drinking since 11 o'clock in the morning. So everything you just heard was on top of- A lot. 11 hours of drinking.

Yeah, with the bookies in between Adam was a bookie Yeah, I was a bookie and no one won anything so they all got the money back. That was the most fun I've ever had doing something that didn't work All the chips out there was a system he'd got some William Hill betting slips there was pens It was great fun and everyone made bets. And then it sort of just didn't happen. But it was like, that was, I don't know. It just, it just worked anyway.

It was a boss meeting. By the way, I had about this, a stack of betting slips like this from William Hill. And do you know how I got them? I walked into William Hill and picked them all up. And the fella behind the till went, you all right, mate? And I went, yeah, just taking these. And he went, all right.

That guy doesn't know how to steal from a bookie. That's not how you do it. Matthew Street of an afternoon, a sunny afternoon. It honestly felt like we were in a different town. I've never, obviously we've walked through there a few times. That was the only thing that felt familiar about it is the fact that you may have been to Shiraz or Rudy's,

do you know what I mean? But it's too loud to be there. It was a different town. Cause you have never gone drinking there with me. I don't drink in Liverpool. Before the pod, I've never really drunk in Liverpool. It was like being in a town 20 years ago. It's like time travel.

The bit where we walk from Matthew Street to Cooper's Town House, not one of those shops has been renewed or nothing has been regenerated for the last 20 years. Like only a quarter of a mile away, there's L1, there's all Seals Street and Duke Street, and that's our bit of town. It was fucking great fun.

I was in such a good mood. The vibe was good. It is a bit wonky, but it's still great. And honestly, all of the lads that came, some of them we know like really well. Some of them are your mates who I've maybe met in the wedding. I think it was a good balance and people. I'm glad we weren't on Matthew street at 11 o'clock at night. No, that wouldn't have because it was already getting pretty wild. We couldn't all get the bouncer wouldn't't let ever with the anyways, couldn't move. Yeah,

but that's always like that. And it doesn't matter what time of day you go to Cooper's townhouse. There's 4000 people trying to get the best moment of the day for me. Personally, the best moment was a quarter to six when I realized it was quarter six. And I was like, we're gonna be waiting 1015 minutes for a drink here. And then I'm gonna have to chin that and go and get the, uh, the gambling stuff ready. And I was like, or I could just go and have a wank in a shower.

Cause that's what you did. You did. Yeah. I'm not going to get you pretty horny. When I knocked, I was like, he could be wanking here because I follow them up. And I went, you wanked, he went, just finished. And you don't pal.

Genuinely, the sponker's still on my belly at that point. Oh, I knew that. I could tell by the meekness of the reply. Yeah. It was really vulnerable moments actually. Yeah. Like if I'd have walked in. Were you sharing the room?

No, we were literally next door to each other. Yeah. Like I could hear everything. Luckily I wasn't there when he was wanking. Yeah, you organized a very good day. we were literally next door to each other. Like I could hear everything. Luckily I wasn't there when he was gone. Yeah, you organised a very good day. I mean, the weekend was good, but the Friday was, we went for a meal and everyone just kept a lid on it really, didn't they?

Because- That's why I picked Italian, because I knew no one's gonna be able to put it in the wall after that. I was like, I just want everyone to have a couple of drinks. Also the beard after that was still dead fun. Still nice. Yeah, it was like we went to some places we'd never go and it was just silly and funny.

The judgment you've got to get right when you're doing this all day and drinking and you're trying to move around is like just to the point where where is the point that people go I've had enough of this and when we're outside Coopers and it was rammed I was like I'm done with the ironic drinking now I want to be somewhere nice and within 10 minutes we're in pins. Yeah, which was great. Oh, I'm a boss Yeah bowling showdown. Oh My god, that was incredible For people 110 that was so random watching that play out on it boss And I was in the middle of challenges to get me clothes back. I would have done anything

You didn't you wouldn't have done anything. You didn't. You wouldn't have done anything except for sing you'll never walk alone. Carl was offered that. That would have been a three minute challenge, his full outfit back. No. Said no. Wouldn't. Didn't want the footage out there. I couldn't. The first challenge which was the most exhausting hour and 20 minutes of my life. I'd have loved if you hadn't gone to that, you know. Oh, oh. So Carl's challenge was for a full hour, for a full hour, Carl had to sing everything he said for an hour. One part of the talk had to sing.

And Finn started a timer on his phone, but shortly after he started, I told Finn, cause Dan also had the same timer. I had the real time. I told Finn to take five minutes off his timer so that at the end of it, Carl thought an hour was up, but he hadn't done an hour. And if he'd have got 55 minutes and if you'd have not got onto that, we all were ready for you to kick off, try and punch our heads in and say you were going over. I was thinking what would I have done? And

I've been quoted, but I just asked to just get on with it. But no, you did very well. You can't sing. And it weirdly you sing in a foreign accent. You were like, I am not doing these. You're like, you're right. Carl. It's very theatrical singing. It wasn't a pop. Then you had to get a picture with everyone that looked like a Spice girl. All five. I chased a black woman down the road. Yeah. Yeah. I went, you're Mel B. And she went, what? I went, you're my Mel B. And she went, right. Why are they on my phone? No, because how did that play out? That it was my phone? Oh, right. And then the last one was me finding it's posh spice. And I went around the city.

Not a lot of girls have got black hair, especially good looking ones. No, but it's posh spice has got short black hair. That's her thing. Short brown hair. Brown hair. Was it not really black? Oh, did you get black right clothes back on? They are not in my house. I thought it was a bit ready because like we went round at the top of pins and I was pointing out girls with like slightly red dark hair and I was like, no, it's got to be like, like like a goth but not a goth. No I said it's got to be dark not red. No it's just dark brown.

Well I got it anyway and then the last one was I had to ask five men to come to the toilet with me. Yeah honestly you excelled at that weird like weirdly well. You didn't even flinch I thought that would be slightly awkward you were like no this is dead easy. I asked some proper. And it was. I asked some proper like scally lad I went lad will you come to the toilet.

He went what. I went will you just come to the toilet? He went what? I went will you just come to the toilet with me? And he was like what? I went lad look at me, help. And he went right? He went got in, what are we doing? And I went Norton lad are you just going to come to the toilet with me? And he was like I was like you've smashed it.

He was like go on lad. I know you were meant to suck them all off. Well put the clothes back on. Clothes back on. And then I got to go home and just, I didn't dress, I just put a black t-shirt on. I was like what? I was like what? I was like what?

I was like what? I was like what? I was like what? I was like what? I was like what? I was like what? I was like what? I was like, go on, lads. I know you were meant to suck them all off. Well, put the clothes back on. Clothes back on. And then I got to go home and just, I didn't dress. I just put a black t-shirt on and I felt like a million fucking clothes. You really looked like you were just like,

put clothes on to go down the shops or something. And you were sat, you could see it radiating off. You're like, normal. I woke up with a bit of a hangover yesterday and I just nailed the hangover. You know when you just nail your hangover? Do you know what I did? I went shopping for light and fixtures

and different furniture. Oh, on a hangover. You really find it easy to make decisions. What you definitely don't do is look at the same 75 lamps in John Lewis 400 times each and then leave. And then your eyes as well. Oh yeah. Did you pick one? leave. And then your eyes as well. Oh yeah. Did you pick one?

No. Or does one online though? One of the 11 I need. Yeah, horrendous. You got 11 big lights? No. Oh, he's getting 11 lamps in there. So I need a light and fixture for the hallway.

I need one for the living room. I need one for the dining space. I need two in the living room. I need one for the dining space. I need two in the recesses in the bedroom. I need one, the main light in the bedroom. I need three for the attic and one for the wet room. A lamp in a wet room. No, not a lamp, a lighting fixture. Oh, a lighting fixture. A pendant light. Oh, a pendant light.

Yeah. Oh, lovely. And that's what you did on a massive angle after your best mate Stag do. You were like, let's put. I don't think you could possibly comprehend the week I've had. I found out yesterday

that yesterday was only a week since we played Crystal Palace in the last game of the season and I Even though I've checked it a million times. I don't believe that that's at least two months in your head Well, I've been out at least eight times on the aisle since then So how can that be a week ago? It was a big one-all draw though, so you celebrate it like a week ago. It was a big one all draw though. So you celebrate it like the fucking week. So the last game of the season, the parade, the the hangover after the parade was pretty abysmal.

That was Tuesday. When were we in here? Tuesday. And then what was Wednesday? I know we were in Thursday. Monday, Thursday. We were sitting here. Yeah. Wednesday. Oh, get keys. Wednesday. Yeah. Wednesday we used to get keys. Wednesday, yeah, so Tuesday I had to pack all my stuff up, move it to the new house while the old Greek couple

was still there, took them a bottle of champagne. That's not traditional, is it, to move in while they're still living in the music room? No, they were just being dead sound about it. Oh, cool. So they were... What a sitcom. I took them a bottle of champagne to say thank you

for letting me put stuff in and for being so sort of making everything so simple. He was cool then. If Harry's done. And then they insisted we open the champagne and we all shared it. So the four of us drank a bottle of champagne. And then you got on the piss with an old Greek couple, didn't you? Well, we sort of did.

So he goes, he goes, right, well, you've given us this. Here's the alcohol we've got left. That is unopened, but we were going to take it with us. But I want you to choose one thing each that you guys can have. So I was like, oh, I'll have the grappa, because you guys are Mediterranean. And he was like, yeah. He was like, but grappa's more Italian, really.

He's like, have you ever had racchi? You ever had the racaki in your mouth? And I was like, no, what's that? And he goes, oh, it's our version of Grappa. It's essentially Grappa, but it's made in a Greek or Cypriot way. And I was like, no. And he goes, well, you have one now.

What time of the day is this? Nine o'clock. In the morning? Night. Oh, thank God for that. So. I'm a fucking racquet. He goes in the fridge and pulls out a white wine bottle

and then pours us all one. And he goes right out of it. It's the straw. It made Ryan Neff, you seem like sours. It's the strongest thing I've ever had. Paint stripper. And I was like, oh, what percentage is this? And he goes, I don't know.

I made it a home. He's left that in the house and said, when you have your house woman, your friends around, you should give them all a shot of the seats. And I was like, absolutely sound. And if your lawnmower runs out of petrol, whack it in there, you'll be fine. And Wednesday was key day,

moved all the stuff into the house. What was Thursday? Recording. Pod, Thursday. You weren't here. No, I wasn't. You were off Galavantin. And Friday, more Pod and then Stag. Saturday Stag.

Sunday. Light fixtures. Light fixtures and packing for Nashville. Because the second we're done today, off to Nashville. Right. Life's good though, isn't it? and packing for Nashville, because the second we're done today, off to Nashville. Right. And... Life's good though, isn't it?

Yeah, I feel very stressed though. I'm ready to go and lie down by a pool. That's what you're gonna do in Nashville? Well, I... That's not really Nashville, it's a holiday, is it? But you've got a pool side. Well, it's not a beach city, but it is a very sunny city, very hot city, and I have got a hotel with a rooftop pool.

How hot is it this time of year? 30 degrees Celsius. The hell, please. If you start working in Fahrenheit, I'm just gonna do my fucking editing, so let's keep it Celsius. I don't even know where that is. Well, I hope you have a nice time. Are you literally going from here to London to go to Nashville?

Yeah, staying at a Premier Inn tonight. Hopefully Big Lenny's there. Near the airport? No. Who's Big Lenny? Henry? Staying near Paddington, because then you get the Heathrow Express to the airport. I'd rather stay in the center so we can go and have a bite to eat and maybe a drink tonight.

And then we can just get up and get the Heathrow Express which is 15 minutes. If you stay at the airport or hotel it's still 15 minutes from your terminal so we might as well just get the... It's a bit pair, isn't it? Have you got normal seats or you're going business class? To London? To Nashville. Business. You get the lie down and... Yeah, the upgrade was very reasonable because I booked it so long ago.

Right. This was my missus' Christmas present. You might get David again. Yeah. Ella, welcome back, sir. Welcome back to business class. Are you like, David, you've never met me before. This is the first time I've ever been in business class.

I'm a fucking scruff and I'm going to vape under this rug. Um, yeah. Oh, I'd like to take Laura to Nashville. Bet you would. It's not you from Israel. I'd like to bum her head off as well. I think it'd be a good couples one. Obviously you've done it with the boys, haven't you? Couple of times. Yeah. My missus is jealous. She's never been. So I booked this as a Christmas present, which is essentially a Christmas present for me that I got to dress up as a main present. It's a fun gaff though, isn't it? You go into a fun place.

Yeah, but some, like, no instinct to take Laura to Vegas. Like that doesn't, but I think she'd have a great time in Nashville. I've been to both. I think Nashville's better. For your missus? Yeah. For anyone?

Yeah, but I'm just like... As a trip, I'd buy her some of the, I'd take Celica to Nashville before I a tour to Vegas. Yeah, 100%. I think she'd prefer also it's the 100th year anniversary of the Grand Ole Opry. Which is what I said down the pub on Friday. And they're having a major international press night on Wednesday. And obviously your major international press when it comes to country music.

Well, I have been VIP invited to both the press night on the show. Well, fuck off. Who's going to be there? Is it red carpet? I don't know. Sounds like a red carpet. Oh, it's done it. Yeah.

Not cool. I'm going to get a new... The fucking cowboy hat that's coming for this. I'm going to get a new hat. Are you taking any hats over? One. But of course, now he's a country influencer. The hats are tax deductible.

I'm taking just me brown cheap one because it's gone in me suitcase. You're not going to wait on the plane now? No. You're not going to fly in business with a country hat on? No, I have done that before though. I'll fly back with the new one because that'll be worth protecting. That one was like, relatively cheap. We'll have a great time. because that'll be worth protecting. That one was like... Nothing else. Relatively cheap.

We'll have a great time. The Grand Ole Opry is like the main theatre for country music. Well, that's a misnomer. Well, tell me all about it. The Grand Ole Opry is a radio show. Right. And the radio show broadcasts live from what is now the Ryman Theatre. Now, people think the Grand Ole Opry is the theatre because they're so synonymous with each other. But the Grand Ole Opry is the radio show

and it's basically live at the Apollo for country music. Right, so it's the OG. Yeah. Right. And it's been running for a hundred years. Like getting to play the Grand Ole Opry is like seeing as like a big, big, big step for a country artist. Is Luke Combs gonna be there? He might be.

He's doing the London show. So later this year, the first ever broadcast of The Grand Ole Opry from outside of America is happening at the Royal Albert Hall for their 100 year anniversary. And I'm going to that and Luke Combs is the headliner. And I'm in the room to host that. What? What's going on with your life? Everything's turning out apart from light fixtures.

The fella in the middle there mate. Marty Shewitt. Brother. He is unbelievable. I don't know who he means. So we went to see Chris Stables in Dublin. Marty Shewitt and his fabulous superlatives. We made Jack.

What? That's the name of his band. Oh my. You would love them. Me? Honestly, we saw them in Dublin and Adam was like, you're going to love these. I was like, oh, whatever.

And it's just corny and all the fellas look at it from back to the future. What's he called? Mark Williams and the fabulous. Mark Williams and his great supercooking. One, four, seven. It's properly. Marty Williams. Marty Stewart. Marty Stewart and the superlative fuckknuckles.

What they are. I mean, I'll give them a listen. You know, like in backs in the future when they go back to the sixties is it and Marty's playing Johnny B. Good. It's that kind of vibe. Oh, it's rock and roll. But they are, it's rock and roll country kind of. They're cool as fuck. Isn't he class? Oh, yeah. And all the fellas are just like, you can tell he been in the game. He was in Johnny Cash's band.

He was Johnny Cash's fucking guitarist back like Dave. Oh, sick. They were so good. I can't see them. All right. Sounds good. The lineup in London is Luke Combs, Marty Stewart, Darius Rucker. Wagon Wheel. Yeah.

He's Hooty and the Blowfish, man. He's Hooty. Is he? Yeah. Didn't know that. Darius Rucker's Hooty. Wow. We're there, aren't we, Don?

You learned something new every day. Jay Leno. You're not, mate. You're not. Tickets went out like wildfires. Nah, I'm at a different game. They went out like wildfires. They got put out. The tickets got put out. Planes had to come over and drop water on the tickets. That's how hot they were. They've decimated villages.

How have you been, then, Mr Campin? Mr Campin! How have you been, then? You seen him yesterday? You know what's in between the glamping that I did with my family that was pretty wholesome? It's your stag do and my body is in like shock from that. So when you're like, how is it from... It looks like I'm in bits because glamping took it out of me. Although I am allergic to glamping. Hey fever then?

Brutal. Brutal? Go to Emily at Regent Street Clinic. Oh, I will. She sees this by the way. Yeah, she's great in a professional way, but also, well, it's the my allergies. You had the injection and I remember when you told me about the allergy injection, I was like, maybe you should get that. Well, when we arrived in the glamping field

and I sneezed 35 times in a row. I don't know if you counted. It's gotta be in and around there. And also I'm 44, so they're like dad sneezes, they're not like. Oh, it's Nacarine. Oh! Ah!

Everyone's a hate crime. Have you seen Ishan Sneeze? Yeah. It's like a little Japanese teenage girl. Yeah. That sounds like a dump valve of a radio control car. It's like a fight's going on in Star Wars. Yeah. Michael Jackson. Finger thing. I don't know, because it reminds me of a little dump valve. You know, like on a boy racer where they get the... Mine are so much more like horrific than that. And then my eyes were sore. I had sneezed so much I needed a little lie down. And I was like, if this doesn't pass, I'm just going to say to Laura, hey, I'm going to get a train home.

And you can just have a nice couple of days. But it was fine. There was a log burning hot tub. You get a yurt and there's a bed in it and the kids had a bed each. What did he do? Did you not feel a bit emasculated by that? If you have to leave your wife in the field because your face can't handle the flowers? With a yard. Is it really bad that part of me was like, I hope the hay fever doesn't pass.

And I took my sneezy ass onto a train. Do you not give her more jobs there though, because of the kids? Are you taking one kid with you? Oh I am Carl, you're right, I was being selfish. What did you say? Am I taking one kid with me? Right, come here, I can't see you, my eyes are fucking... One of you's is coming with me. She's not doing fucking two kids. So who's crying on a train from Clitherow?

You. No, she's keeping the kids. Who's crying on a train from Clitherow? My eyes were streaming down on 415. Get it in your bum. All right, I'll take it up the arse next time. Laura, my fucking a-f fever's up. Get the fucking dildo out girl. It lowers your immune system temporarily though. To get pegged? I mean,

I'm, oh right, you mean the injection. Yeah. Did you take it in the bobot? I took it in the bum yeah. Did you know about it before? Because I didn't last year. I got noticed. How long is it? It's a arsehole needle. It's a bum cheek needle. How long is it? Well, I was joking because I've got a thick arse. She had to push it in.

Oh, right. And she did it. Emily at Registry Clinic, did she? Did you get your bum out in front of Emily, who's very professional? She could also get her bum out. Did you shave? I don't know, I was in my bum. Luckily I had washed. Have you ever taken a suppository? I haven't and they scare me as well. I just don't know.

I stuck an ecstasy tablet on my arse once. This doesn't count does it? Show a VGI is cool. Isn't it the quickest way to get that to work? It's the quickest way to think you've got a shit on your finger. It's the quickest way to think you've got a shit on your finger. LAUGHTER I was so high. I was already high. And then for the rest of the night, I was like, errr... Errr... You just go and wash your hands. I know, but you're on drugs, so you wash your hands and then you're like, errr, it's not right, it was horrible.

Does it work faster? I don't know, I was already bollocksed. I was just more bollocksed, but but I just convinced I couldn't point anywhere. Everyone on drugs like, can you smell shit? No. Dan's like, ET. You want to get high? Get on this. So no, I've not taken suppository. Yeah, but you have. Yeah, you've suppos...

supposited. Yeah, right. Yeah, well then, yeah. I just don't get it, me. Suppositories. Your ass just eats it up. Yeah, but like That's what that's the exit. That's like trying to get your show Tablets to work they have to be broken down in your stomach using stomach acid and that's why they work So how does my asshole know that that's a paracetamol and not just like yeah, you know who?

You hang on. Is this paracetamol? How bad you had hair going to be? How bad are your hair going to be? Jamming it up there, it says take two. Here we go. How far do you go in? How much can you fart at all? How does your asshole know to send that up?

And knock down? Are you allowed to fart for an hour? How does it get past the poo? Just a parasitimal like, excuse me, excuse me. Like when you go the wrong way around at Ikea and everyone's like, oh come on, there's arrows mate. Who's that? A stand up does stuff about that.

Oh I thought it'd been really funny then. I think you have. No, American stand up does a bit like, how does it know to get round the poo? I haven't seen it. Okay, you haven't seen it. You sure you're not just watching us do it now and thinking... That must be it. That's gotta be Louis CK, was that You're not just watching us do it now and thinking

That's gotta be Louis CK. It was that good No, but how does it know it breaks it down don't it and then it gets in your bloodstream But like if I put a dildo up my ass, yeah doesn't melt dildos, but it will melt suppositories Well, eventually metal though. It's about six like 9-eleven. Yeah What? Steel beam. All right. So there's some household enzymes can't melt steel. Don't melt in your asshole. It's like 9 11. Well, I just don't know how it sort of gets it to where it needs to go. What have you and the farm policies a lot? That's possible. Surely. How far does it go in? Does it be the door or do you like drop it off?

Oh no, I think you've got to get it well in the hallway. No, it's like your arsehole becomes like a hoover don't it? Like one of those fish. Fish. I'm a little arsehole and I like tablets. Jordy as well. Jordy arsehole. Hey I'm full of poo.

But what is it? Poor, that's everywhere that gives it gives a little wipe. Why? Why is it posities? Like, why is it because people don't like taking tablets? No, it's because it doesn't. Your digestive system breaks stuff down like it. You don't get as much of it. You bypassing that.

You're going in the back door. Yeah. I thought it was like the linings thinner, you know, like when you rub cocaine on your gums It's like rubbing cocaine on your ass and it goes in your bloodstream quicker. Well, you do they do they blow cocaine up Bottoms don't they there was a times there was a do there was a trend You know what they say I nearly said strippers those in America films. It's it's always strippers again, cocaine. There was a trend in America a few years back where people were drinking up their arse. In American universities they were just like going upside down and just chugging. It's when you were in Oklahoma. You reckon your bollocks have got taste buds don't they so? But it's not like a hoppy IPA going up your arse. I think what's happening think what's happening is you're with the suppository.

You're like, that's a weird way to get into your stomach. It's not going up your arse and then it's just maneuvering its way all the way through your bowels and then going into your stomach. It's just being broken down in your, in your bumble. Yeah. If I put like a fucking 20 boxes of nuggets up my ass, will I be like, Oh, good needs another thing? Not the car. Is that why there's those videos of women? If you pull food up your ass, you get full and you still get the middle of that girl in your school that was

plugged in. Oh, I thought she ate through her ass. No, she didn't have an asshole at all. Yeah, but I thought maybe she ate through it. Like ate through the tube. Oh, like a, like a tube thing. Or maybe she could. I don't know. If you're going to be having an ulcer. Listeners, I think we need help here cause no one's Googling this.

Can you eat through your arse hole? I mean, would you get full? I'll Google it. Like would you get like, I'm full or could you just eat infinitely? No, you just, isn't your arse hole going to be full of chicken nuggets? In the history of the English language? No one's ever put that...

I should have honestly just got six. 20 was a mistake. Oh by the way... But I'm not wasting them. What the value! If I only want to eat six nuggets, I still buy 20. On reflection, the Mealdale was just stupid. One thing? You can. Nutrient enema. I don't think you can have actual food. You can't puree like... Imagine having a little roast in it like that.

I've done a coffee enema. With the fork on it. Sorry. Say that again. I've done a coffee animal with the fork on it. Sorry. Say that again. I've done a coffee animal that's made you share. I got something to do with like clearing, cleaning your liver out or something. I put a coffee up your asshole. Cleaned it. I've pump it in I got a I got a an enema an enema thing that you you have to put like high and then there's a tube and it goes in your little bot bot and then there's a little tap did you have to lube the tube up no I just spouting it like a dirty girl where were you spouting a tube and put it up your arse so you can have a coffee so I was trying to I

was trying to cleanse my kidneys or something. Is it like a colonic? Or something. Yeah. What are you doing today? It was horrible. Colonic irrigation is just putting the hose up your arse and cleaning it out, innit?

I'd like to do that, I think. Have you ever done it? Well, I've never had it done, so surely I need it doing. I've done it myself with a douche so that a girl would finger me. Pffft. But not like an official one. That's not a colonel. All right. I'll do everything. Come on. You get your finger in. Like surely my I've been alive

for 30 foot three years. Surely my insides need cleaning out. I mean like when you like your air fryer needs doing like once a week. Surely your air fryer doesn't shit. You know what I mean? Air fryer is tough of beating, you know? Yeah. But if that needs cleaning needs to do like once a week. Surely you're afraid. I don't shit. You know, flyers talk of beaten, you know? Yeah. But if that needs cleaning you inside your body, would you put the food from the airfired in 33 years? I don't think it does. You know, when everyone's like, look at that, that's the 25 year old piece of meat coming out there. You're like, I just think it's like tomorrow's poo. Great TV show by the way. I honestly think it's kind of bollocks. I've done it and I did enjoy it, but she was like, look at that. That's, that's undigested meat from 1988.

Doesn't that mean though that you could have had more calories? What did you say? What did you say then Adam? You asked him a question. You forget the question you asked five seconds ago. Last question. Have we podcasted before? We were flying then and then it's all like we forgot what we do. Colonyx aren't good for you. Google it. Don't do it. Just have a laxative if you want to clear stuff out. It's not like regrowing the walls

and everything. So why does anyone ever have a Colombo immigration if they don't? A Colombo immigration. Colombo. These Colombo's are coming over here. Colomboans? What's the problem with it? It just doesn't really do anything.

It's tomorrow's poo innit? But they're making out like you've got fucking 5kg of undigested meat in your bowels but it's not. It isn't. Are your intestines like 14 miles long as well? They are yeah. They reckon one human's intestines is longer than the Great Wall of China don't they? Let's Google that. You know what I've seen the you today as well. The DNA of a human can go round the air like 40 times. If you squished every human into a big meatball. Yeah. Central Park in Manhattan. Yeah. Now the human DNA stretches like to the moon in each person. 26 feet is combined. It's a different. It's a different wall in China he's talking about. It's just Mr Yang's wall.

What about your DNA? DNA stretched out. That's like to Jupiter. Is that five princes? Everything alright today Harry? 76 billion miles. Enough to travel from Earth to Pluto and back several times over. That's like loads of princes. Your DNA, like, stretched out. Yeah. Oh, what? But you're dead.

You're not going to Pluto and back several times. No, lad. Does it not mean that if Finn died, we could just stretch his DNA out and climb to Pluto andon back on him. That's what I want when I die. I don't know what's stupid about that or colomic immigration, but I'm having a great time. All right, listen, we need a break. My voice is deeper, isn't it?

Sexy. It's not the test. No, it sounds sexy. Is it the test? No, it's the stag. What's happening lids? Time to tell you about my absolute favourite sponsor. It's NordVPN and if you go to NordVPN.com slash have a word, you'll get a mega discount. Mega discount.

And up to four months free now, Carl. What a vipener. A VPN is a virtual proxy network, I think. And up to four months free now Carl. What's a VPN? A VPN is a virtual proxy network, I think. What's it do? What it does is. Doesn't matter what it is, what's it do? Well you can get it on all your devices. I've got my phone, my laptop and my iPad.

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It spreads across all your devices. You only need one here, one there, one there. One. Log into all your devices. That's the good thing. It spreads across all your devices. I need one here, one there, one there. One, log in to all of them. You're safe. You're watching the Malaysian Premier League. Sound that? Unbelievable. Four months free, that's a third of the year, by the way.

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It's possible here in Calgary, the blue sky city. Learn more at calgaryeconomicdevelopment.com. You see in that website that's exposing all the bus companies and their owners? No. Really? Like there's been like conspiracies for years about like all the different bus companies in the UK, why it's not nationalized and stuff. Go on at bus tycoons.com. Big boss in it. Oh, I could have ended it all there. Did you hear what I heard?

I nearly just said it. Did you hear it? Yeah. Well, there is a website. Well, there is a website. I nearly just said it. If you're enjoying this podcast, I got it's like yours. Someone else. I seen someone else get someone else's and then he just runs it down on Finn's computer. I know that was just like a boss website, wasn't it? Independent medical provider. Don't know what, I don't know how. They're big then. Yeah.

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And then all of the back catalog of the specials, there's about 197 of them. We've got this month, we've got Fin Day. And Fin Day is about to be released. And we did some fun old shit that's out this month. And next month, we're not going to tell you what it is as the capability, as the possibility to be one of the funniest things we've ever done, I think.

I've just announced a little run of Dan Nightingale and Friends shows. June 21st in Liverpool with me and Carl Donnelly and a special guest. July the 10th in Stourbridge in the West Midlands, me and Mike Rice. And then at the end of August, the 26th and 27th in Manchester with E. Shan on each of those shows. He's coming to stay at my house for a week and we've just put on loads of shows. The 27th is at Hotwater in Liverpool. No, sorry, 27th in Manchester. 28th will be in Liverpool and the 29th will be in Leeds at The Wardrobe.

And then one at the start of October in Shrewsbury with Eshan and Mark Nelson. So all of those shows with me doing new stuff, the current stuff, developing ready for next year's tour and some of my very funny mates at dannightingale.com. But the one coming up is Teddies on Sunday, June 21st with Carl Donnelly, who is a fucking exceptional comic and we're both doing extended sets with a little guest appearance on as well. Dannightingale.com for that please. I won't be announcing any other dates this year until my tour for next year goes on sale at the end of the year. Thursday the 26th of June I'm at Hot Water doing two shows. I've got loads of Adam Rowan

friends on sale at the minute but that is my next one. I haven't done any gigs for a few weeks and yeah there's a few tickets left for both shows. Nice. We've got some... I really hate the questions button. It's awful. Where from? Stephen Elliott says, got some individual would-you-rathers for you all. So, Adam, this is from Stephen Elliott.

The magician. The magician! Who is an OG, actually. OG. The magician. Oh, fuck him actually. OG, Lyd. Why fuck him? It's kind of like niche, isn't it? Fuck him. Why fuck him?

No, I don't think we can... So basically we recorded a Q&A and we were like, it didn't really work. No, we recorded a Q&A in the midst of the gas leak. And it didn't make any sense, but one of the questions that Stephen Elliott put in was like, do you not think that film club needs to have more structure and needs to be more cohesive? Oh yeah, you can't. So fuck Stephen Elliott.

You can't critique them on film club like that. That's not how that goes. We love you, but just don't ask questions about film club. Yeah, you think it's magic bastard. Stephen Elliott, who we like, says, Adam, would you rather never be allowed to listen to country music ever again, or never be able to receive a compliment ever again? And I already know the answer to this, but.

Never be able to receive a compliment again? How often do you receive compliments, really? Every day. I receive loads of a date me staggers, by the way, it's one of the nicest things that's happened in my entire life. Thank you so much. But it doesn't happen often. No, it's every day. You get a compliment every day. I received loads of date me staggers by the way. It's one of the nicest things that's happened in my entire life. Thank you so much. But it doesn't happen often. No, it's every day. Every day. Yeah. We all do in our DMS every day. Love the pop. Yes. Love what you do. But still like I've got such a lack of respect for anyone else's opinion. I knew it. It was nice towards you. No, but like when did you get a compliment that you

give a fuck about? No, well, I give a fuck about all compliments. I genuinely do. I do like them. But if I don't get them anymore, You sound. I'd just be like, I'm class anyway. I already know I'm class. I know I'm sound.

I know I'm a good mate. I know I'm a good, like, I know I'm good at sound. Like you just don't have. And also on the other side of it is you don't get country music anymore. Nah, if you walk in in a pair of carwee boots that you spent loads of money on,

and no one goes, they're sick, then you would be a bit- People don't do that anyway. No, if you come in and go, they're sick, or like, people do do that. Yeah, but what's the point of him wearing them because he can't listen to country music anymore. Yeah. You don't need the outfit.

Oh yeah. If you're going down to a hip hop night. You don't need a pair of carwee boots, you'd think you would into country music, Adam? I'm not allowed to listen to it. I lost to Woodgierade years ago. No, 100% the compliment thing, because no one's opinion matters. It says, would Dan rather never be able to enjoy a lovely day booner ever again, so he's taking day drinking away, or never be allowed to set foot in his garden office ever.

Never be allowed to set foot in your garden office. Honestly, set it on fire. I'm not losing day drinking. I'm talking about fuck, it's not even insured. Honestly, couldn't give two fucks. Like I love the garden office. Plus I've got a little weights benching at the moment with some changeable dumbbells.

And then in front of that is the dart board, so I have a little fucking lift and then in between I throw some darts which you can't do when you're training. It hurts? No, it's like your arms are like... Your arms not working? Yeah, it's great. I love it. It's so fun.

And then I've got my little sit down area for watching sport and sometimes the kids use it. Burn it down because I'm not losing day drinking. Day drinking with you lot, with Eshan, with Will. Who else is good at day drinking? Bondi's a great day drinker. Yeah, we need a multi-millionaire. If you're day drinking on the moon, of course it's good.

Oh, my God. Day drinking, me and Bondi just doing a pub call down the slopes. You want to fly to Abu Dhabi this afternoon, I'll pay. No, I'll pay, we're both earning more, Bondi. I'll pay for you, you pay for me. Lovely little ad on there. No, who's paying? It doesn't matter.

Because as we're, you know, with the job, we're earning more. I'm not losing it. I think it's up there with one of my favorite things. I was trying to, Eshan and I were getting excited about the Stag do. We were WhatsApping before we set off and met at Dale Street Kitchen. And I was like, I just think it's... There's certain moments where it's literally some of my favourite thing. And I think just before you go debusing with good characters

is in my Champions League spots of things I absolutely fucking love. Yeah. And then I was trying to work out what the other ones are. Just before me and Laura have a bonk, we just have a little naked cuddle and I just get to sort of like touch a naked bum and that's my favorite. And then at the start of the majority of bonk. Yeah, because we don't share a bed. That is the only time we ever, also she's PJ'd up at four o'clock every day.

You've got to have a bit of an ego, that's minimal foreplay in it. You can't just come in with your knob out, fuck her and leave. No. I hope you don't do that, Dan. I got a cock ring. What? A Pearson? I bought a cock ring off Love Ring.

Oh, right. I went and did a little love ring. I thought your problem was that you were coming too quick though. Apparently it slows it down. Since I've. I went and did a little love. Your problems that you were coming too quick though. Apparently it slows it down. Since I've been on the test, it's not thought it just kept you hard. Yeah. Just keeps the blood in there. There's no right. Is it a viral? You can just don't know why that just kept me hard. Thanks for is it a metal one? I'm talking about my own one. It's a like a rubbery one that sort of delays orgasm and makes it more intense. I was just

like, I wore it last night and I don't want it's basically for wanking. I think love on your.co.uk. That's quite funny. You feel like a bit of a bell and taking a rubber cock ring off after you've cracked one out. Yeah. I think the admin of it would like put me off it. Where's me cocking? Yeah. And then it's got to be well Where's my cock ring? Yeah, yeah, it's gotta be well hidden on a major wash that Do you wash it? She wash any that goes on your car? All right. Well, I need to go back I need to get it from his hiding place and give it a wash there and it's got to be hidden as well Because Jack comes out. I've got a new sling shot

Anyway, I'd burn the garden office down. Get edible ones down. Cut what? Edible cock rings, yeah. Yeah. They're not going to give you the tension you need. No, it's like a sweet jelly. You could use a ring from a Harry Bow star mix.

All right, I'll do that. And then hide that. I found sweeties. Would Carl rather never be allowed to cut, shave, pluck, wax or laser any of his many hairs? That includes beard, head, beard, head. I've got a gimpy chest. I've seen that for the first time the other day. Yeah, you are. You, Carl. You haven't got much ham.

I haven't. As I said the other day, you're a ham factory, Adam Rowan. I am a ham factory. Not a compliment. It's always as my full of pork or never be allowed to see Wallace unless he was sat in a puddle in Tamworth Shave me beard off It really went it went proper weird shave your beard off it's having

Keep just be able to see Wallace ever again camped every single inch of your hair just grows Knock up me. I'm like So much like a goth pretty quick. I can't, it's... It's your baby, isn't it? Yeah, of course. If you've got dogs and you've got kids, you understand that they're quite close. I think you've set the line too far there, Stephen. What about... What about, would you rather never see Wallace again?

Yeah. No. Oh, cause he won't choose that one. You never, you can see Wallace, but you're not allowed to touch him. What? I think that's all right. No, that's the same thing.

So you would get to hang out with your dog. No, you're not hanging out with your dog if you're not touching him and playing with him and holding him and like, no, it's like having kids, but you've got to watch them through the glass window, it's the same innit? How would you feel if you had kids but you couldn't touch them? How would I get my cock ring back?

No if you had kids but you couldn't interact with them you wouldn't do that. That's the point of it, isn't it? No you don't have kids to touch them. No I'm saying interact with, play with and you know what I mean? Yeah it would be super sad if Jack was like, Daddy can I have a cuddle? And you're like, no, because I'm not fucking letting all this grow. I love a tight little beard. Yeah, come back with something better. Would Finn rather never be able to feel the effects

of any intoxicant ever again, or never be able to play music or sing? Put the guitar down, sunshine. Sunshine, that's a good one. So you've got to go straight clean. I'd go clean. You would, no. I swear. Music is my drug.

No, you would not. This includes like any like medicine. Intoxicant. No, you can't intoxicate on privacy. Any mind medicine is an intoxicant. Yeah, mind medicine. You can't put medicine as an intoxicant. That's it, you're playing your song.

You're not having chemo. I went to chemo as well. No, I mean stuff for your mind. Yeah, no, I would. Anything that alters your state. No. But it should be. I'd go clean.

I could live with my own thoughts as long as I can write them. Yeah. I'll tell you what. My album, next album is going to be pretty boring. Does everyone love getting an early night eating vegetables? No, you'd surely replace the drugs with something else. Like a dev fast. Nah, I dunno, like skiing? Bungie jumping or something.

Adrenaline. Oh yeah, adrenaline's a natural drug. Cool. Cool music coming. I thought mountain biking, downhill, dev fast. Has Harry got one? Would Harry never be allowed to enjoy a single trip to the cinema ever again? Or every time he gets an erection, his hands disappear.

Can I just say, Stephen Elliott, can I just say, some of these really like follow the rhythm of a would you rather, but it's like you get bored of your own would you rather, like. No, that one's great. Fair enough. That's odd that, cause I get erections a lot. You don't flex. Do you act on them all the time? That's not. Oh yeah. You don't wank every erection away. I know. That's not the problem. You couldn't wank without hands.

You just have a little scrubby wank. Oh yeah. I could stump myself off, but I'm not sure if I could. I bet you couldn't. Like it's the idea of you going, oh, Harry has an erection and I'm just like. We know you've got an erection because you've got no, your watch falls off. Have you ever had an erection mid episode? Yeah, when Gabby Bryant said. Have you ever had an erection mid episode when there's not a guest in? Um, maybe, probably not.

I don't know. That's insane. The answer should just be no. No, but it's not. it sometimes just happens, innit? Also, your hands are such a big part of sexy times. You know what I mean? You think about all the, you can't stick a stump up a bum, can you?

You could. You can. You can lube it up, mate. Easier? Nature's dildo. Like, if you think about it, that is, like, Is a penis showing? The hand is wider than that, so like if you stump that off, the pen

is mightier than the sword. But also if there's, if there's sex scenes in the cinema, I'm just gonna have to like fist my popcorn on. Like that's an issue. Do you wank in the cinema? No, he gets erection. If he got an erection his hands are just shitting. It's not like, Oh my cocks. Harry, Harry never drink popcorn though. Um, no, they're big ones in the cinema. How do you get the grippage? You'll have to like apple bob. Yeah, exactly. I'm going to have to just like trough it. You're using your hands there. But imagine doing that with a big popcorn. Get me it, mate, and I'll do it now.

I'll just go the audio for a minute. How many erections are you getting a day, kid? It's pretty constant. It's got less testosterone than that. Like, I'm not erect now. Don't zoom in. But if like, like I will be. That's right.

Sexy that. I'm not now, I will be. Like we're going to Rudy's after I could be erect having a pizza and it's just like the pizza is good. I'm not turned on by the pizza. Why have you got an erection then? Because there's blood in my cock, Carl. That's just how it works. If I was with you doing sort of non arousal and you had an erection I'd Because there's blood in my cock, Carl. This is how it works. If I was with you doing sort of non arousal and you had an erection, I'd be like, what is arousal?

No, no, you remember getting an erection. But if I was in a pub with you and you had a fucking stonk on, I'd be like, what is going on here? I'd be like, hey, you just had a... It's a lovely pub, isn't it? Because, hey, Guinness, that's an 8.8. Yeah, like... I still do get the odd surprise. They're not as frequent

as they were in the early 20s. Not in a restaurant though. You don't get stonk on out of nowhere mid conversation do you? You get a chub. Does that count though? Is that one hand? Yeah. Like a chubby. I'm kind of with Harry. I'm with Harry. 24. I need to open my prescription. But also you have an erection every time you sleep. Like every time your brain goes into... He said that with too much authority. You do, Carl. Every time your brain goes into like REM sleep when you have dreams, you're fully wrecked.

Losing your religion. Losing me erection. That's me in the car. That's when I went in. I've broke my nose so I breathe out my mouth when I sleep and I get really dry mouth and then I can't get a drink afterwards. Can I? Cause then I wake up in the night and fully got a stonk on, got a dry mouth and I'm just like, no, you'd have a little hamster thing. Do you know what? I woke up in the morning and did a really long for like laugh to myself

and then realized that you were like, you may as well be that far away from my eyes. Don't it be funny if like, because you like, so you can't drive. I mean, I can, I've got a license. But like if Ali was like making you get a bonus, you lost your life. I mean, that's happened before in the car. I think you're getting too many elections and I think you should go and see a doctor. Also just to fucking lose the cinema, lose the cinema and just wait to be on TV. Takes like a week now anyway. For the dodgy box. No, because it lose the cinema. Lose the cinema and just wait to be on TV. Takes like a week now anyway.

You've got a dodgy box as well? No, because I've got a pass. I've stopped paying for the pass. You're saving some money then. I enjoyed the expo. I'm going tonight. You enjoy having hands? More. Also, the time between something being in the cinema

and being out on is like gone. Sinners is... We were, like Laura and I are going, oh, we'll go to the cinema. She was like, there's no point now because it's out. Sinners is we were like Laura and I are going, Oh, we'll go to the cinema. She was like, there's no point now because it's out on prime this week. Fucking class. It's not yet. We're going to watch it this week. Yeah. So maybe if there was no, if there was no cinema, then I'd probably keep my hands and do no cinema. But if it was no films, I'd go handless and watch films. Did I say cinema? Yeah. Yes. Progress guys. Sorry for

making everyone angry constantly. Yes. Progress guys. Sorry for making everyone angry constantly. See you in a bit. What's happening lids? Time to tell you about my absolute favourite sponsor. It's Sayly.com and if you go to Sayly.com slash have a word or download it in the app store either by searching in the app store or scanning the QR code on the screen if you're watching the YouTube version. If you purchase the 5GB option and use the promo code

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saley.com slash have a word or use the promo code have a word on the App Store. Or the app once you've downloaded from the App Store. Just scan this QR code. And it's also in the description of the episode. Also, it's dead easy. We all did it and we're idiots. It's dead easy. That's actually a nice set in particular.

First of all, Jean-Marc Osset, A.Z.Gillian. Hello, hello. The 800 pound gorilla shirt. Yes. When we took our team's trip to Nashville two years ago, we've never ever missed an episode of this ever. We always find a way to get one out. And that was the first time we were like,

oh, we're not going to get to do this. But they lent us their studio in Nashville. Oh, did they? Yeah, we went for drinks with the team. I was there. I'm an editor of a special I'm working on right now. He works there, so we worked at that studio. Is this your special? Yeah. So you got a new one coming up?

Yeah, we filmed it in February and it's close to done. And it'll come out August, September, YouTube. It feels like such a big gap, doesn't it? When you feel like- It's excruciating. And like- Time goes so quick. You know, and then you think of a joke. Oh, I now got the new tag.

Yeah. And oh, I should have done this. I should have done that. How long before the end of touring that hour was, did you tape it? I really am like, I don't really tour an hour. I just kind of jump around every day. Okay.

And so this really was, this was like the real, this is the get to know me special. If someone's gonna start, this is the one. So this is like 10 years mixed in, some new, some old. Is there anything on the special that you've had do well as a clip? Not much. Okay.

Not much, Not much. I've really fought, because we're all figuring, I remember in the beginning where it was like, this is what burns a joke. And what that has become to mean is practically fucking nothing now. And sometimes I'm like, oh, I'll test it out.

You'll do an old joke at a show and you're, I'll even say to the audience, how many of you knew that joke before? And it's like two. And you're like, I can't, I can't be getting rid of stuff for Yeah. I get so conscious of it. Like in my head, if Eclipse done well, then anyone who would ever come to see me as obviously seeing it, I know, I know. I have an mates blow up recently because of a couple of clips and

been at live shows with them, but it just gigs with them. And the crowd have asked for the bit they've, they've, they've sort of with them, and the crowd have asked for the bit. They've sort of, that's the reason they've come to see you. I have an R. Kelly pedophile joke that was like way, way, way back. Hang on, what? And people... You ever heard the news?

And people go, why don't you tell that joke? And it's like one of those jokes that it's all about the reveal. I mean, it really is a one line thing. And they go, why don't you tell that one? I'm like, cause you know it. Do you know what I think that is as well though? They've probably seen it, loved it,

got like three of their friends and gone, you gotta come and see this guy. And then they're waiting for you to do it for them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When you see the nudges. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's always fun. This is what I was telling you about, this is what I was telling you about.

And then you don't do it. And they're like, I could have just shown them the video last week. There was a guy, I was in an Uber once, and he said, you're the pedophile guy. And I was like, no, I don't know. He gets that a lot as well. Yeah, and I don't write jokes about it.

Do you reckon R. Kelly is R. Kelly in jail? What do you mean? Like, do you reckon he, what's his real name? Robert is it? If he's in Walter Nick, yeah. R. Kelly. Like, do you reckon he's still's his real name? Robert? If he's in Walter Nick. Yeah. Like, do you reckon he's still like, cause our Kelly's a person like, do you reckon he's singing and stuff? Like, do you reckon he's doing like, Oh, he's definitely singing. I think there was a video where it was like our Kelly's singing from,

from jail. That's probably how he gets, you know, cigarettes or they respect them for it though. Surely like singing the world's greatest with the boys. That is a big fun. respect them for it though. Surely like singing the world's greatest with the boys. That is a bang. But I thought like being like a pedophile is like the worst. Well, that's what the whole joke was. It's that he's technically an e-fiba file and it's, you know, making those differentiations. It's hard to do without sounding like a pedophile. Yeah. Oh, I've seen that clip. Do you know why I've seen this bit? Like, I mean, I followed you for ages anyway. Your lawyer showed it to you. You're not that bad a guy after all. Uh, my friend Alfie, who was my opener on the last tour, he had a bit about, uh, Prince Andrew with the same idea. Sure. And I have to show him your bit and be like, he's already done it and it's quite a big cliff.

I know, people, my openers once or twice goes, hey, that's actually a Louis bit. And it's hard to not be mad at them, even though they're totally right for pointing it out to you. But yeah, he's an ephebophile. And so I don't know if in prison maybe in prison They're making those terms a little didn't you go to jail for like pissing on people That I think was a lot of things. I think it's not just like one

Many counts to get there. There was a video of him pissing I guess I'll say allegedly on a 15 year old and when that came out that was a long time ago I came out at a time where people were like, did you see this? This guy's zany. And then like a couple of years later, he said, that was bad. None of us were bad for being like, what the hell is wrong with this guy? Now we're like, what is wrong with this guy?

Oh dude. Yeah. Times have changed quickly. Are you saying, is he R Kelly as people call him R Kelly? Like driving to dinner, oh no, Kelly's over there. Do you reckon? I reckon that might have been day one I don't think now that he's been in for a while that the

inmates are still like fucking hell he's back I think you go to prison you normally get a new nickname they're not like I don't think like I don't think is P Diddy is where he last left his name right yeah but he had all sorts of names that was like always a joke now he's puffed daddy now he's I don't think he's gonna get to change it anymore so do you reckon he's puffed daddy. Now he's, I don't think he's going to get to change it anymore. So do you reckon he's P did it? Well, he's in the one in New York, isn't he? He's in the infamous one in New York. Yeah. I think now he's going like the Christian route. Like that's his defense. He's been bringing like the Bible to the courtroom. So I'm sure he's

a Peter, Paul and Mary or something. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But what you're asking is did the other day, call me. Yeah. Like you're actually, Oh, do you reckon it's like, Oh, that's just Robbie. He's a, he's a pedophile. He's a pedophile. Hey, I don't think they specify Robbie the a few to five. And also someone's asking who's that in that thing. Someone's going, who's that? No, that's just, that's just Bobby. I don't know. Like you get there and you're like, where's our Kelly Kelly? I mean, I don't care anymore. Do you reckon he's still got the stature? I mean, I think he's one of the most famous people of all time. So probably. Yeah. I think the inmates are probably quite excited, but also if he's in there for a fee, but Philly or a form of, well, that's

not illegal. He's in there for abuse. Do you think now he has to throw like illegal pissing on a 15 year old girl? That is yeah. But being attracted to teenagers, which is what a fever affiliate isn't illegal. No, sure. Sure. The people is, have you lost a bet? He's usually not this creepy. I mean, I wonder if he did. He's still trying to do like if he's still throwing parties, maybe he's doing orange parties. Who knows? I mean, that's his cloud. I mean, I'm sure you go to prison, you lean on whatever skills you have to, you know, have friends. And that's what he did.

Yeah. Have you been following the PDD case? Because we've been trying to look like follow it in a very loose way. And apparently one of his defenses is he was too drunk to consent to the abuse he was giving people. Really? That's his defense. It's like, well, yeah, all of this happened, but I was the one who was abused

because I was always hammered. I'm sure they're throwing everything. I mean, what else are you going to say? That's what I said. I was like, awful man, what he's done. And he did do it. That there's no need for allegedly. I think he did it all.

There's so many. If he did 10% of it. Yeah, it's still prison for a very long time. But as a lawyer, what a defense that is. He was always so drunk that he couldn't possibly know he was doing it. Is the only thing I think he's got. You drink driving, I'm too drunk to know

I'm drink driving. Well, think about the first time they came up with the idea of like pleading insanity. Imagine the first time they came up with the idea of like pleading insanity. Imagine the first time they said, what the fuck do you say? That's your defense. He's crazy. And then they wrote it down and they use bigger words and then that's all it is. Just a few clicks, a little beep, beep.

Yeah, I don't know. The PDD stuff isn't. And I bet you like the same way, pedophile, a hippo, you feel like it's like insane, crazy, a little, a little nutty, but Christian, you know? Yeah. Christian. When you use the word nonce, nonce, nonce, is that, is that pedophile? That's a synonym for pedophile. Yeah. Okay. You say it's a slur? It's a synonym. I thought you said a slur. I'm like, Hey, you, you'd be respectful to that pedophile. Yeah. Okay. Did you say it's a slur? It's a synonym for pedophile. I thought you said a slur. I'm like, hey, you be respectful to that pedophile. We've suffered a lot.

That's your guys N word. Yeah, nonce is probably the most common one. Like that's the one someone, if someone on your street was outed as a pedophile, There's too many letters in pedophile and it's too hard to spell. So we made it nonce so that like the graffiti on their windows was always accurate. The kids can say it.

Yeah. But is nonce cover the full a feebophile, hebophile, pedophile spectrum. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it kind of simplifies it. And the one down from that is wronging. Yeah. What's that?

Like the wronging. Like he goes for 16 year olds, which, you know, you shouldn't be like, you know what I mean? I think that's a nonce. Like someone who goes for like 22 year olds, even though they're 45 is wronging. Yeah, yeah, I suppose. Oh, that's wronging, okay.

We need that. Yeah. We need that because sometimes people, there's kind of a debate with the word pedophiles that gets overused. I mean, that's what the joke is about, but they also do it for 50 year olds who like hit on 22 year olds.

And it goes like, well, if you call them pedophiles, it kind of loses its steam. Well, nonce has been diluted a lot. Nonce gets thrown around too easily now. Yeah, we've said it 20 times today. Yeah, if you like flags too much in this country, you get called a flag nonce. And there's no accusation of pedophilia there.

If you like flags, if you have the union Jack in your garden, and I'm thinking of someone pretty specific here. Well, it's interesting to talk to an American. So the amount of patriotism in America that just certainly up until recently wasn't really here anymore. There was a lot, a big lack of patriotism in the UK and a lot of sorts of embarrassment and shame about the British empire and whatever. And because England is always about 10 to 15 years behind whatever

is happening in the States, both in terms of comedy movies, everything else, it's we tend to follow your guys lead eventually. And because the US has sort of gone into this populist right-wing thing, the national identity and America first is sort of back again in a big way. There's portions of the UK, which are right-wing, which are doing the same thing. But because of that, a lot of people

like attaching the British flag to their houses again. Oh God. And they're then called a flag nonce. I've never understood, I've never understood that kind of patriotism for my whole life. I mean, America, first of all, America's too big to love it in its entirety.

I mean, even when the people have the flag now, it's usually those people are usually the ones who go, and every liberal should die. And I go, well, it's still, it's a huge chunk of that flag that you're waving around. It's just too big of an entity to possibly to get behind. Yeah, totally. I know you mean.

Oh, I don't like, it never seems to proceed. Like whenever people get really patriotic, it usually is to kind of charge up to commit war crimes and feel okay about it. It's never like, we're American, let's help someone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Never. You are only one step away from being dreadful

about some sort of race or community. When the flags are out and it's this sort of this sense of British culture, you're only ever a sentence away from like a statement that makes everyone go, ooh. We love us, fuck you. Yeah, well the whole idea of patriotism on that level is we need to identify that we are British so that we can identify that this person is not and therefore doesn't deserve our respect or help or time or whatever else.

Did you have to do like when I was in middle school, we had to do a pledge of allegiance in the morning. We would, there would be a flag. We don't have a, we don't have a pledge of allegiance. You don't know. We know it because we've had it in movies, but we don't have one of them. Sure. It's, it's, it was weird. I mean, they just made us go through the motions. I don't think any of us felt anything. And then I remember like once there was like a third grade, a girl was like, you know, poking me or whatever. And the teacher thought I was, I was fooling around and, and said to me that red is for the blood of our soldiers. You're in third grade and you're like, you're like, no, it's

not that flag was made in China. The only pledge of allegiance I've ever done is to the band of Mr. Schneebly from School of Rock. That makes sense to me. That makes sense, because that's small. Mr. Schneebly never sent bombs for Israel to use. You know, it's so it's like, I can. But if we'd got that sequel, I would have watched that film. Mr. Schneebly would.

I've never seen School of Rock through Jack Flack. Birthright was a lot of, as a hardline Zionist in school of rock too. I'm sure. I'm sure if is who wants to make that movie though, they'll figure it out. It'll get done eventually. Pledge ourselves to off like sports teams. Yeah, that's it. Listen, I'm not even a sports guy.

I'm like, that sounds, that's good to me. Sports, I don't love sports. I'm a theater, I've always been a theater guy, but I like sports because I go, this is a good place to get your anger or your feelings of unity and competition. Put it there. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, but in the UK and Europe, that which you are absolutely right about often does spill out to actual violence before and after the games between sets of funds. Sure. But not not bombs. No, we need some violence. We need some. Fists are great. Petrel bombs happen. Oh really? I mean a lot. Did you see Paris on Saturday evening? No. Two people died because they won a football match. Yeah. Okay. But again, two compared to how many a bomb takes out, you know, you're not going to not lose anybody. I was waiting for the English league game that you were going to cite with the petrol bomb there. I was like that Plymouth game really kicked off.

Probably in the eighties. Oh yeah. Yeah, probably in the eighties. Yeah, what blew my mind really for the fit, when I went to, cause I love sports. And if I'm in a city somewhere in the world, I want to go and see the sport for that place. I want to go and see what people are into. I agree. Like a when in Rome kind of thing.

Yeah. And when I went and seen the New York Rangers play against the Pittsburgh Penguins, maybe. And they're all guys. Sounds right. Yeah. went and seen the New York Rangers play against the Pittsburgh penguins, maybe. And everyone was like, I was sat with new Cringes fans and next to Pittsburgh fans. Yeah. That isn't allowed in Europe. Oh, sure. They have their own little bit. They have like a 10th of the stadium and it's like, you stay there. So you can't possibly fight with the whole ground. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But that's, I don't possibly fight with the whole ground. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's, I don't know, I do respect, I recently, the Knicks just lost, they were in the round and again, I kind of followed this from afar, but I had a friend who's like, he's very calm and collected and a very nice guy, but he said, if you sit with me for this game,

you have to understand, you're gonna see a side of me you won't like. And I was like, let me see this. I wanna see it. And he was mad, you know? I mean, he was hitting the couch and he was cursing. And he was, I mean, very frustrated. But I thought, you know,

better here than at the restaurant. I mean, truly. I, he kept saying, he was talking like the Hulk. He was like, you won't like me when the Knicks are losing. And it was intense. And I'm sure it can be tough sometimes, but I'm like, listen, it's contained. I think it's fine.

An ex-girlfriend of mine wouldn't be in the same building as me when Liverpool played. So like, I would watch it in our flat and she'd go for a walk or go to the shops or whatever. She was like, I'm like not just like I don't find it attractive. It lessens my attraction to you. What do you like? Are you going fuck? Are you hitting things? Like what is your version?

He does that in public. Sure. Me too. No, but I mean that's a sports game. He is the same in his house as he is in the pub. Okay. I have zero self-control with it. Sure, sure. And in recent years, Liverpool have been a much better team. So there's less reason to kick off and shout

and be angry and upset. But when we were just an average and bad team and you're watching players who are on a lot of money make really bad, like, yeah, be bad at the sport. They're getting paid hundreds and hundreds of thousands of pounds to do. I just, I do lose my mind a little bit. And she was like, what the fuck are you doing?

You fucking useless cunt. And then she's like, they can't hear you. I've seen it. So it's- Yeah, but you're never on your own. It's not just you doing it. That's the best thing. No, but I would do that in the flat.

Oh, right. Okay. Like you caught, like this is insane. I asked this guy, I said, do you think you would do a better job than that coach right now? And he said, he said, he really like reasonably, he was like, I think that I have a perspective that he's not able to see at this moment.

And I thought, and he's so smart. And I thought at the moment I was like, you are nuts. You are absolutely not. But he really deep down believed it. And I get it. I get the same thing when I see a musical. I go, I would have directed that differently. You get angry and start banging.

They really discouraged that kind of behavior at the theater. So you don't have a sport then? No sport? No. I feel like basketball I could get into, because I need to like establish characters. Like I do understand it from afar. I like the drama of like sports around it, but like-

Well you'd like combat sports then? Cause that's what that is. I don't agree, it almost happens so fast. It's like the UFC. Yeah, but it's the guy you hate. You could see him get hurt and that's good. It's so sad. No it isn't. It's so sad. They get so hurt. There's a video that always comes up on like Twitter. It's like one of the,

it makes the rounds all the time. It's like some smiling guy with his wife and it's first UFC match. The guy knocks him immediately, cut to him in a wheelchair and he's in a feeding tube. And I'm like, this is horrible. He got paid. Not enough, not enough for that chair. It's gladiator fights. I mean, But you said you want characters, you get it? The guy you love fighting, the guy you don't like, you get emotionally involved. I wanted Logan Paul to get this, or the other one, who was it?

That far guy? Jake Paul. Jake Paul. I wanted him to get this shit beaten out of him. Exactly. And you watched that with an insane connection, which you know which he was amazing about that is that people, people want it so bad. They, they forgave Mike Tyson. He's been convicted of rape. And we don't like that. I think, I think honestly, that's probably the only way people always go like, well,

how does a guy come back from this? And I'm like, you got to fight a Paul fight, fight a Paul. So Kelly, you're getting out eventually. Oh, that would be the fucking title match of the century. Ah, Kelly tries to win back public opinion by fighting both Paul brothers at once. And it's where combat sports is for you, I think. I think of R. Kelly after he knocked out both of them. If he started pissing on him, we would we would we would lose our minds. We would go okay okay. It's his finishing move. You know what you get one 15 year old now there you go you've earned this.

I think you're wrong. I think some people are big sports people, some people are big theater people and there's the very occasional person in the middle of the Venn diagram and that's me yeah you like you hate the theater um i don't like musical theater yeah because i think it's one of the most pointless things that's ever existed that is that is that's just begging for a fight what the fuck are you talking about i've had this fight many times i i love musicals you really do i really love what's your favorite musical uh I love musicals. You really do? I really love them.

What's your favorite musical? Oh. Oh, shit. Sorry. We talked about sports for 30 minutes. Can we do a musical for five minutes? I'm Alexander Hamilton. So my introduction to musical theater was Hamilton.

And he's watched it 27 times since. Sure. The introduction, it's still happening. It's still Hamilton and then maybe something else a little bit. No, I've seen like seven, right? Did you know Hamilton? And Hamilton two or three times in between each of them.

He told us the Hamilton and it was bad. Here's the thing, Jean-Marc. Hamilton is not the right start for people who aren't inclined to like musical theater. I think that's not true. It's very corny and I mean that lovingly. Yeah, no, we did feel that. So right, Finn likes musical theater too.

Sure. And for years we were banging on about it, about Hamilton. Yeah. It's great because the first time I have, I've seen it seven or eight times live, right? The first time I ever- Can I just say, just so you know,

that's too much for me. Yeah. That's too much for anybody. That's musical autism. Yeah. I get it to a degree, but Hamilton, the problem is like, it mixes in rap. so if you like rap,

it's gonna be like gross in that way. It's just in your face, it's very sincere. They talk about slavery, I think, for two lines of the entire piece. I mean, it's like making a musical about Hitler that was about painting. It's like, there was a huge part of the whole thing. But it is kind of corny and tense. It's like, there was a huge part of the whole thing.

But it is kind of corny and tense. I would rather take you to either a more old school one where it's very divorced from any other current art form like rap and one that maybe was just a little darker or realistic. We saw the Book of Mormon on Broadway last year and I didn't mind that. Sure. That's good for the dude intros Book of Mormon on Broadway last year and I didn't, I didn't mind that. Sure. Because it was very good for like the dude intros Book of Mormon.

Yeah. That's a sports fan's musical. Yeah. It's very laddy. It's very laddy. And there's sports musicals too. Damn Yankees is a musical about baseball. I just don't like how if they could say the thing, why they fucking sing it. Sure. Listen, there is a suspension of disbelief that needs to occur. Uh, when you watch a movie, do you go, why are they filming themselves do this? You're having the secret meeting on film. Like, how do you mind all of his favorite music and songs he preferred if they just sort of said it. No, sure. It's just frustrating when they, I don't mind if it's all music, cause I'm like, whatever,

but it's when they're talking and then they go, and now we'll sing. Why? Every kind of spectator thing has some suspension of disbelief. Like, you know, I could look at sports and I, I could go like, oh, this, this doesn't this, the rules are, are imaginary. they're made up to support this thing. You have to suspend your disbelief like, oh, it really matters that that ball gets into that hoop. I mean, my girlfriend doesn't like, she's warmed up to it, but she always, she says the same thing, it's corny. And I'm like, well, that's not fair. You grew up religious. She grew up a Hasidic Jewish.

And I'm like, so someone's singing is corny, but some old Jew being like, I'm the Messiah. Like that's not, that's a suspension of disbelief. Sesame Street, Sesame Street, Hasidic Jew. You're like, I'm not even circumcised, there's nothing down there. But it's like the same thing. I mean, it's the same thing with religion,

which literally is a belief. You have to suspend it to a certain degree to enjoy the thing. And I think Hamilton is tough because it's sung through. I think it's cause I'm quite impatient. I'm like, say it. Like he's the bad guy. I don't want to say three, just say that's the bad guy. I hate exposition in movies as well. I mean, that's the opposite of what I'm saying. I just, I don't, it just does me head in. Exposition is what you're asking for. No, I know. And do you watch a sports game and go, why don't you just shoot them? Like no need to play this game to figure out who's the best. Why don't you just fight? I don't know. I just, he's the bad guy. Now I want to spend four minutes singing. Why is the bad guy?

Let me win musicals. This by the way, it's a lot of musicals to me. I joked once saying I'm going the shop as a joke and what's that in come from away. Did you ever see come from away? I don't think I've seen come from away, but I'm familiar. Do you know what it's about? Now remind me. It's about the 27 planes that landed in ganda newfoundland on 9 11. So when they got diverted because in gander they had one of the biggest airports in the world from when Europe couldn't always fly all the way to America directly they would use it as a refueling airport. Once aviation got much more advanced they basically this this tiny town in the middle of newfoundland that just has an enormous airport for no fucking reason whatsoever. And on nine 11, they were like send 27 planes to land there. And those people lived in that village for a week before the airspace open back up again. Sure. It's about

the people on those planes. I love that. That's fascinating. It's a phenomenal. And were you watching it? Like just go back home. No, I haven't seen that. And that actually sounds like a good movie with enough- But a four minute number was about them going to the shops. And I jokingly said, they probably sing about going to the shops. And in that movie, someone goes, I'm going to the shops, what would you like? And fucking sings it.

But they have to go to the shops to cater for all the people that they've just taken into the town. If, but so, but you, the music is to extrapolate on the feeling. Like I understand that, yeah. So take a breath. But it's when you do the same chorus twice, you've already said that as well. I'll never get round to it.

I've seen the School of Rock on Broadway. I've seen the Phantom of the Opera on Broadway. I've seen Book of Mormon, I've seen Hamilton, I think I want to read your love letters to like a loved one. And you're just like, I love you. What else do you need? I saw spirits of the way that's not me. That's the, that's beautiful. Okay. What's your thoughts on like, I don't be able to talk about this. Well, what about movies that are musicals? It's the same. Mamma Mia can fuck off again, but Mamma Mia, that's, that's the dregs of, are musicals. It's the same, Mamma Mia, come fuck off. Again, but Mamma Mia, that's the dregs of musical theater.

What's the best musical fit, like cinema then? For cinema? I like La La Land, that was amazing. If you think La La Land is amazing, then you do like musicals. La La Land is a very old school musical. Okay, I like old school, that was really nice. Okay, but you didn't see that opening number

where they're singing about LA and we're like, we get traffic. I hated that. I said. They're stuck in traffic, what are they gonna do but sing? I said to my partner, watch it, you'll like it. I was like, right, I gave it a chance.

And she went, ignore the first bit. So which parts did you like? The story's beautiful, isn't it? And the ending's gorgeous and the way it happened. That's lovely. But singing in, I'm going to jump on top of my car because I'm in a traffic jam. Fuck off. Sure, but if you like La La Land, there's some part of you that does,

the same way that I'm like, well, I like basketball. It's like, okay. Oh yeah, so maybe I'd dip me toe in it, but it's got to be some good shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cabaret is, is technically speaking, it's not a musical cause all the songs happen on a stage. So it's like real life kind of, but Cabaret is a brilliant musical. Reefer Madness, if you're looking for comedy, Reefer Madness, the movie musical,

I think it came out like around when nine 11 happens. It was one of these things that kind of got buried in a, you know, a lot of shows closed that were really good. Bat Boy, the musical. If you, that's not a movie. Bat Boy, the musical is like dark, funny, fucked up. Check it out. Okay.

I'll give it a go. Yeah. Come from away. Bucklemoreman, Hamilton, Milan Rouge, Chicago, famously. Chicago. Chicago. That's a, that's a good movie musical. That was Chicago.

It can go fuck itself to the moon. The whole show. Yeah. Adam lived a part of Chicago, which part you murdered someone. Um, I wish we're going to cut that bit out. So this is obviously what I'm about to say is complete fiction. Uh, I went and seen Chicago and watched what watch that sat next to somebody who I just found out was stealing from me a girlfriend. And like we were like, how should you pay for that ticket? Well, a lot. And I we were in New York and we'd had the trip booked and I was like, Oh, well, we'll just deal with this when we get home. I'll try and get over it. Let's go and see the play we've got booked. And then we went and watched Chicago. I never liked the movie, crazy, stupid love. And I

think it's, I think it's because it was my birthday that day. My dad drove up to Philly to surprise me. I got a Philly cheesesteak. He'd said, Hey, you're putting on a couple pounds of their son. And I said, if you, if you say that one more time, I'm up to Philly to surprise me. I got a Philly cheesesteak. He'd said, hey, you're putting on a couple pounds there, son. And I said, if you say that one more time, I'm gonna throw myself in the middle of the street. I was turning 21, which is too late to say that. But when I told it to a friend, he was like, yeah, that's why you don't like crazy, stupid love.

You saw it the same day that shit happened. You were in a bad mood. It's a good film. Oh yeah, I imagine I would love Chicago, but it's staying forever and I'll never watch it again. You should try seeing it, not sitting next to someone who stole your girl. in a bad mood. It's a good film. Oh yeah, I imagine I would love Chicago, but it's staying forever and I'll never watch it again. You should try seeing it, not sitting next to someone who stole your girl

and see if you have any different feelings. No, didn't steal this girl. No, the girl stole from Adam. She took his money without him knowing. Oh, forgive me. Oh, oh. And one of the main characters in Chicago is a woman who keeps taking advantage of a fella,

stealing from him, and then being an ungrateful little bitch. That's Roxy in Chicago, isn't it? Pretty much. That would be like if you saw Hamilton for the first time and you were sitting next to someone who wanted to make their country independent of yours. And you're like, this feels too relatable.

It was an intense day. Sure. Yeah. Sure. Yeah. Well, don't don't hold it against Chicago. I haven't even been to Chicago now. I've been keep putting that off. You know, I go to the States a couple of times a year and I would love Chicago and I am in Chicago because I think at the back of my head, that's just there. It's one of those shows they put, they stunt cast it. It's been around forever and it's, you know, it's, it's okay. But it's like, I'm like, if five years, if I keep going, I could, I could be like a four week run as the lawyer. They have all sorts

of people. They've athletes do it. They have reality TV. People do it. Cuba Gooding Jr. Do it. And also someone who's, who's been in trouble with the law recently. Yeah, I saw him do that. And also someone who's, who's been in trouble with the law guy. Yeah. I saw him do that years ago. Thanks some groping. Yeah.

Just a little bit of groping, you know, we disagree with that on this podcast. We do. Yeah. But I do think that would count as a, what was the word? Not wrong and wrong and wrong and over wrong. And yeah, friends who he groped, he was a groping nonce or a wrong. I think he's got it. I think that's wrong.

A bit of a wrong. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, but a bit too much for the American legal system. Have you done musical theater since you, cause you trained in it? Yeah, I trained in it. I started singing again recently. Like I hit, I wasn't a good singer. I just hit a wall.

I had a teacher who kind of led me the wrong way. And singing is a miserable life. You're constantly worried about your voice and can I hit this note? And it's very stressful. So recently though, I like start getting back into it. I have like a show where I have people talk about like their theater kid days and at the end, like I sing a song. So I'm exploring it. I'm getting back into it. But the life of a singer is fucking miserable. Yeah. Yeah. But, but I do like it. What's your, what's your dream role? It's a show called Falsettos and the role is Marvin. That or Nine is a great musical or any Stephen Sondheim and then Seymour and Little Shop of Horrors I think is, is on the docket. I know you

haven't seen any of these. I don't these. You could have just invented all of them If they make Lala land a stage show, that certainly would be a fun role. I think you might like little shop of horrors. Yeah. Yeah That's a fun one Our and babe. What about you? What do you say? You want to play Aaron Burr? Yeah, I can't I gotta say there's gonna be a lot With a white cast they're to start incorporating the slavery aspect a little bit more. And that's the one that you're Aaron Buran. Absolutely. Yeah. Really? Sign me up for the play. What would you do? You don't mind. I didn't do musical theater,

although you keep saying that I did. He did drama, which is adjacent to musical theater. I did a little bit of amateur dramatics when I was a kid because I wasn't good at sport and there was girls at amateur dramatics and I thought that was great. It was really good. So I was, I did Anne of Green Gables was my first, I played Anne. We were really ahead of our time there. Um, what have I done? Like loads of like, um, blood brothers, which is a, a fame. Yeah. Like I was in this, you guys should do a musical. You should do a play or a musical, make a musical about your Chicago, that's a great idea. I love what's to do. 10,000 pounds. You're going to see something upcoming in the next month that you will agree. I think we should do something on the stage. I think, I think it works. All right. What are they going to say in the next

month? That thing we did last week. We did on the stage last week. Oh, yeah. We should do a play all. I want to do a, um, a panto. Yeah that's been a, that's been an idea on the board for a couple of years. It'd be great. What is that? Exactly. It's not really a thing in America is it? Yeah. Yeah. So pantomimes every Christmas in pretty much every like local theater across the country. I've heard about this, but tell me more. Do you like sometimes it's like a Disney thing or it's like a fairy tale. No, there's like eight old school stories. Aladdin gets done, Sleeping Beauty, Jack and the Beanstalk, Cinderella. But like the original, is it the Disney version of it or like from the... Yeah, it's not like a gross like Grimm's fairy tales. Yeah, yeah, The Grimm brothers. It's camp as fucking Christmas.

It's always always drag queens in it. Forgotten celebrities will do it like, oh, he was on that television show 10 years ago. Now he's in this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And there's a formula to it. There's a, there's always a character called buttons who's like the comic relief. Then there's always a cross dressing widow Twankey type. But it is the Disney, what shows? It's the stories of the... No, it's not the Disney, no. No, but it is, isn't it? I went to see Aladdin in Preston, an amateur dramatics for a panto, because I did it when

I was a kid. I did like Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. I played Grumpy and I nailed it. I did Sleepy in kindergarten. And my mate stayed doing it as part of her hobby. She's just a hobby. She did it when she was a kid. She knows them my mate stayed doing it as part of her hobby. She's just a hobby. She did it when she was a kid. She knows them. She still does it. So me and my friend Emma went and watched and they did Aladdin and they had two Chinese police officers in the

panto. One was called what went wrong and the other was called who done pong. so no, it's not exactly like the Disney. Do you know what I mean? That was 2016, by the way. That wasn't like back in the day when you're like, well, you know, it was a bad thing. That's the amateur amateur ones. The ones like at the Liverpool Empire is gonna be a bit more, they're not having those characters in it.

Listen, we're scoffing, but it was my favorite bit of the whole thing. I had to pick myself off the floor. Another element is it's all pop songs. It's all pop songs. Oh, okay. But like the pop songs you can afford the licenses to. There's no like Beatles. There's like C-list celebrity pop songs. And this happens every year?

Every year. Every single time. Every year for at least a month in every town. It's genuinely really difficult to be a stand-up comedian and book a theatre show in December of any year because the big theatre's like, we have Pantone. Yeah. Well, imagine how many you should be doing that. All of you should be doing that. We should do a Pantone at some point. It would be hilarious. I got offered buttons at Shrewsbury Theatre five or six years ago.

Thank God for this fucking podcast. Literally. I would have to do, I would have to, I'd have to update, I'd be like, I'd be the police officer and it's what went wrong. And who made that smell? Did you, when you got into standup, was it like an aside for theater? And then you've got so good at standup and successful that you've stuck with it. Yeah, I mean, it's yeah, it was a, I did a class in college. Like I did like a class where you had to like put up five minutes at Caroline's comedy club, which is now a ping pong restaurant in New York. And then later I wrote a play, I wrote a play where I talked to the audience

in between the scenes and all the good feedback was for the part where I was talking to the audience. And so then I got in at this really shitty club that doesn't exist anymore called LOL in New York and I just became addicted. And while that was going on, I was doing my play for a month, eight shows a week. And I was bored out of my fucking mind. I hated the parts that didn't work. I couldn't really change it because you know, there's tech and

there's a scene partner and and stand up felt so much more free and I was working every night and I just became hooked. Yeah. And I simpler but also more difficult. Like it's, I just think like, for me sometimes I'm like, what I love about standup is I need constant feedback in anything I do. Like even if I would write something else, I have my poor girlfriend's past,

I would constantly be like, hey, can you look at this? Can you look at this? Can you look at this? And standup, it literally is that as an art form, like I get constantly, Oh, that didn't work. Oh, that did work. And so I think I really, that's the part that I love. And I just was like, why do anything other than this? You should call a stand up special in the future. Can you look at this?

Can you look at this? And you're asking the audience that. Yeah. Yeah. I, I, I was seeing a woman who I first started stand up and she had done stand up longer than me. And my God, the hell I put her through. I owe her in some way because just every night, you know, the first year of stand up, you're just like, it's just funny. And it's mostly not. It's like being a drug addict as well, isn't it? You can't think about anything else in that first few years. It just takes over.

It still does. Like when I get high is when I always have like ideas, not plenty of them are bad, but I always want to write them down. And you know, sometimes with my girlfriend, I've got him better. My current girlfriend, where we're talking at dinner, she's like, okay, can we put like the notes away? Because we'll be talking and I'll be like, that's so funny. And a normal person can go, that's so funny. And we keep talking. Me, I'm like, that's so funny. The world must know.

The world must know how funny that was. Yeah. It's an illness. It's a constant fucking- That happens a lot when we go out and talk. Someone else, and you need to do that. Yeah, that's a bit. Yeah, that's a bit.

Although you're a producer, you are also because you and Finn talk so much. You're both comedians. Now, you're just not stand up comics like you're part of your job every week is to be funny in this room. So when we all go out, it's actually a group of comics and when someone says that you should do that, you're not doing that with Sarah Kate. Like, to say.

Have you ever had a disagreement about a chunk or like a thing where you're like, if you ever say something funny to each other. Oh, who owns it? One of my, three of my like really good guy friends, none of them are comics in that sense. I mean, one does some stand up, but like my podcast co-host is very funny.

And once in a while I'll say, we'll have a conversation, be like, hey, can I like see if I can expand on that? And he's fine with it every time. And I don't know what it would be like. I don't think there's ever been a chat where we've got to the end of like a little bit on the pod where I've gone, can I try that?

Or you've gone, I wanna try that. It's more organically. There's only one routine I can think of that I've gone, can I try that or you've gone, I wanna try that. It's happening more organically. There's only one routine I can think of that I've done that started with a funny from the podcast. Sure. Which was- Really, that's surprising. But again, it goes back to what we started

the episode talking about. In my head, anyone who comes to see me do stand up listens to every minute of this. I know in my mind, I think the problem is we put out so much shit collectively as comedians these days that I go, you know what, if you wanna pay attention to my career this intensely, the same way that people buy Picasso's notes,

it's awful to bring up Picasso as I talk about my comedy, but the same way that people will spend a million dollars on his sketch of a thing. I'm like, listen, if you want to participate in all the things I'm putting out, you're gonna see the process. And hopefully you probably like me enough that you are a cool lookie filled in the colors. And we just put out too much to hide.

We- I absolutely agree with you, 100%. It just still does eat away a bit. But there's one routine and it was, I think I would say between episodes one and five on this. And I think I was talking to, and I'll get this wrong for the people who do listen to everything and will correct me and gonna know you were talking about this. I think we were talking about like dieting and you said something like- This was a long time ago, I guess.

Yeah, we yo-yo, we all yo-yo here sir. I think you said something like, oh, well you'll crave the bad food now cause as soon as you can't have it, that's when you want it. And I went, yeah, everyone wants what they can't have. And as an off the cuff trying to make you laugh, I said, that's why billionaires fuck kids. And then that became like a seven or eight minute routine, which is like,

they can have anything else, including sex with any adult, because everyone's got their price. And the one thing they can't have is sex with children., because everyone's got their price. And the one thing they can't have is sex with children. And that's why they're doing it. I think that's it. That's amazing. But it came from a... Yeah, I took a writing credit.

I'll be honest. I'll have it. It came from an off the cuff thing. I have a feeling every time there's a pedophile, but they know you had your hand in it. Hey! I love it. I always jumped on that joke that quickly. We'll tell you about his end and more thing in the break. Break time?

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And we are back for the final section, part four of four. Part four of four, correct. Gianmarco, you are with us today because you're doing the UK leg of your tour. Yes. But you have a couple of dates that in a few weeks time. I know you're doing London Union Chapel. Yes. We, we Lester square. We sold them all out. So we added a July 11th. I will be at

union chapel and they just went on sale. And where are the tickets your websites? Oh, yeah, the website every every social media go to the link there. He's on Marco said easy Glasgow day as well. Oh, yes, there's a Glasgow day that is 17th of August right before I'm gonna do the fringe festival for a week But then gonna do Glasgow the drama King tour the drama King tour Shall we do some? This ain't just any order, this is an executive order. Ow! It's really fun. You're still in love with that jingle there.

It's time for the executive orders. John Marko, have you got anything, if you were president of the world, what would you push through as an executive order? Yeah, it said something that would be funny. So I think euthanasia needs to be allowed, legalized at some capacity. I think I've read in Canada where it is available, you know, you read about the complicated cases, of course. And I think as a baseline, we look at the global average life expectancy

and after you've hit half, up to you. Wow. Half? Lost glo, hang on, I'm past this point already. 75? Shit. 75 globally maybe? That feels high if feels high globally. You all heard what he said after he said half he said up to you. Yeah. Yeah. But

still seven you see in half. Do you want to continue? So half that is what? 37? Yeah. 37 you get off of the euthanasia. Yeah. And like we can we can argue and it could be more local like you know any earlier than that. That's up. Leave it up to the states as we would say in America, but, but past 37 federal law, past 37. So you can just anytime go, right. I'm done. Yeah. I mean, you can do that now, but like you can, you can set up a nice pod. Yeah. I guess where they're doing some places. Cause it's not legal here in the UK is now there's a bill on the table at the minute, like where the UK government are trying to make it legal. Like if you're ill and you're dying anyway, you can just fuck.

But Switzerland is less than two hours flight. You know, an easy easy jets cheap. If you really want to get rid of Nana, it's just as you should be allowed to just kill yourself. If you want, can we go to Switzerland legally? Cause we can't go to other places and break our own laws either can we? I don't know if it works. You can go to Amsterdam and have a bit of pot. It's the same thing. It's the pot of Switzerland. Yeah. So it was sad. I was like, you can't, you can't fly like to Philippines and sleep with a 13 year old because of their laws. You, you're governed by the laws. You know, you're governed by the laws again. Again, again, but I don't think, but I don't think you could get mad at the Philippines if that is the law. I don't think

they could be mad. For example, if you go to Switzerland and kill yourself, what are they going to do after that point? Yeah. Yeah. No, totally. I'm saying your family might be culpable for it. No, are you saying they are in a sense? I mean, you probably wouldn't be suicidal if they were a little better. Most people going to Switzerland on suicidal diet and one it's painless. If you're getting on a flight to Geneva and there's like young family members and then like Nana's in a wheelchair and everyone's you people are thinking why are you going to Switzerland? She's not going skiing, is she? SHE LAUGHS She's not earning enough, is she? Not earning enough, hold on. But you can't go to another place... You're governed by the...

No, you're not. Karl, you can smoke weed in Amsterdam. What are you talking about? So you think you can go to a country where the sex... Where the laws are content to lower and legally have sex with them? You can't? You can't? Yes, you can. What do you mean? You can't go to somewhere... It's the law of the land. You can. It doesn't make it right. Can you Google that? What am I? No, no. I love that the example is pedophilic as well.

And I smoke pot and then I go to Texas. It's not illegal to smoke weed. It's illegal to possess and sell it. You don't go to jail for smoking weed in the UK. You get it. You get no, you don't. They facilitate it in the, in Amsterdam because that's the legal bit. It doesn't involve pedophilia. And then I will go with you down the rabbit hole. You are under the law of the land you're in. Can you Google that? Not where you're from. Can from. Can you change the law, the age of consent and the country you go to? Just Google that. What?

Like are you governed by the age of consent where you travel? You're saying that if you go to a country where the age of consent is lower, you participate in sex with what would be considered a minor, when you come back, they're going to arrest you? And that's your fault, because when they go anything to declare,

and you say, I fucked a 10 year old. A lot of that is on you. And by the way, I shouldn't have said I fucked a 10 year old because now that's in the advert for the episode. Super. So why is Epstein that island illegal? Surely he made the rules. Because he trafficked people over state lines. That's usually like what you did over the state line. And where was Epstein's island? Wasn't it his island? It was his island, yeah. He makes the law? Yep. No, it wasn't. He didn't start a country to...

What's it say? Little St. James is where it is. Ow. Little St. James. In the Virgin Islands. Oh, dear. Jesus Christ. At least do it in the Bahamas.

Yeah, he had an island. He didn't have a sovereign state. He wasn't king of the island. Was he? He trafficked them there, he brought them there from, so, you know. If he'd have grown his own, then it's different. That might have been the long, you know, the long game.

Have some little St. Jamesians. Um, I like it. Have you got anyone in mind that you'd like to euthanize? Is this just, is this a society as whole? You just like to, you know, we'd like to check out whenever you want. Yeah. I think, I think like per like looking at Canada, what happened, it'll be like like, you know, it's, I believe it's 18. And then there's a thing of like, well, are they mentally sound or where they have been influenced? And, and that all gets complicated. Of course. I think though by 37, come on. Yeah. How old are you? 36. I'm 36. Okay. So like, you know, it's like, at least in the States it's like 18, you can drink,

21, you can buy cigarettes. There's nothing else for me to look forward to. Give me one more. Yeah. 37. The age of euthanasia. Wild in Canada that if you're like, say you're old, cause obviously we're saying that everyone should have the choice, but really with euthanasia, it's like,

oh, I've had a good life. I'm old. But it's not. But it's usually- Also I'm sad. It's also, it didn't work out. But out, but in Canada, can't you just stay out in the garden at night in winter comes in, kills you. No, the winter goes to like minus 20. Like if you want to end your own life in Canada, just forget to go back inside. We can all do that now.

We could all we could all kill ourselves with this cactus if we really went for it. But we're talking about a peaceful, regular way. I don't think I've used a bullshit bell on a guest for a while, but I'd love to see it. I would, but it's not legal here yet. But it's like, we want to create a system. We want to create a way that it can be nice. And you can go in somewhere and you can schedule it.

It's wanting to die in comfort, isn't it? But is there a barrier? Is there a one step before that where they try and talk you out of it? I think, I don't know what it is in Canada, but I'm sure it's not like, it's not like done at the pharmacy. Like you have to go in and make an appointment

and you probably have to fill out some bullshit questionnaire like you do for almost anything else medical. Yeah. I wonder if they do take walk-ins though, if they're not fully booked. Sure. Like it'll be like two parlor rules where it's like, you can't be wasted. Yeah. You'd be kill yourself when you're sober. I think they should connect it to the tattoo parlor. So it's like, what did I do? All this could pop next door. I think if you're ill and it's, you know,

irreparable then I absolutely agree, yeah. Sure. I think even if just you're done. I think I got creative with it as well. Yours is just 37 and a bit tired. Again, if you don't want to do it, you don't do it. Yeah, yeah, of course. The only reason the state wants to keep you alive

is so they can keep you working. Yeah, especially here. Do you, I think if they do it, euthanasia is the one medical procedure that they can't bill you for after the fact. And that's why they're against it. Oh yeah, it's cash upfront. Oh yeah, is it free?

I'm sure it's Switzerland. I'm sure they're charging. It's definitely not checked to follow, is it? Do you get like a spa weekend first? I think you could. I think it's turn up. Endless, it could be like death restaurants where they just sprinkle a bit of arsenic and you just hit them with a shoe. And also, by the way, at least it's the pudding. At least it's the pudding. Don't sprinkle arsenic on my star. Five grand for the Dignitas.

It's cheap, it's more expensive for the funeral. You have to have that as well though. Yeah, but they offer that. But I'm saying like- But they can charge it because- They offer funeral services as well. They'll do you a package, that's seven and a half grand. Sure, but that's because there's not a lot of places

doing it so they can upcharge. I went once we, there'll be a price options, lowest price option, they put you in a room with a cactus and that's it. Hi, you're me. I'll have the garlic chili prawns to start please. I'll have. But there's be certainly the older thing,

but anyone wants to die. You don't want to die in a fucking hospital room. Every time you go to a hospital, you go, could it not be any nicer? It's so, so gross, awful and cold and ugh. Yeah, but those people are trying to live though, aren't they? Everyone in the hospital is trying to live.

Fuck you, Ed. You're absolutely right. Everyone in there is going, this is horrible. Yeah, I know, those hospitals are like the opposite of a euthanasia clinic. Like at their core. Yeah, not many people go to hospital to that. Usually going to go, I'm going to go home and be comfortable.

That's quite a common thing, isn't it? Like you've got a week to live. You may as well go home and at least die in your own bed. Sure. If you, if you, if you know you have a week to live, a lot of times like our Jimmy Carter was a, the, the, our former president had just died and he was in hospice for over a year is crazy. Yeah. So he went home and they said, Oh, it's been a while now. What are you up? We're trying to Airbnb this room. What's going on? We know about Jimmy Carter

dying because every year we do a dead pill and Carl had them. No, I had him. I had someone who died the day before. Yeah, it was him. Yeah. But then get the point to the, oh yeah, sorry. Yeah. It was him. I had Jimmy Carter in the Deadpool and he was already in hospice at this point. I didn't know that though. Oh, you didn't know that. No, you did. You saw a picture of him looking like a Egyptian mummy and was like, yeah, but he has like betting on the game when it's 49 to zero. So we picked three every year, but we did it the week before New Year's. But they have to die in 2025. So he went too early.

He died too early. And he suffered for it. I picked Malcolm in the middle, which I thought was a wild guess. But if it comes in, I didn't pick Malcolm X. No, I for a few reasons. I do think this should be done. I think you should, there should be more and more creative ways to do it. It could be restaurants.

It could be like, you know, like those rage rooms start like they're not ready. Do you know what a rage room is? Oh yeah. You can go and smash the vote. No one's really gone to them anymore. They've had their five minutes repurpose them where you can go in. They put a bomb up your ass and you just blow up in the room. I thought you were saying you go. repurpose them where you can go in, they put a bomb up your ass and you just blow up in the room.

No. I thought you were saying you go and you get to be your Nana to death. Oh, that sounds- It's true for one. Great. Make euthanasia land like Disneyland. I bet you don't know what's gonna kill you throughout the day.

Oh. You mean you go in and you- But if you've got to quarter five and you're getting on the log flume. You've got a sneak into the kitchen. You're going to cook it to dinner time. You're like, Oh, it could be the dinner. And then it's not someone just comes in and blows your head off. What rides that? It's the end of the, all right. I think you're going to make it themed like Disney, not just a gun out

of nowhere. Euthanasia land. Like, Oh, wonder how I'll die. I have like Tara Tara and you just fall all the way. Yeah She go go like yeah, I think this is gonna be a big industry, you know pendant Don't you fucking steal that made Mickey Mouse gives you a hug and then just keep squeezing tighter and tighter That's a great one by the way. That's good. Straight in. I believe it. That's why. Have you got another Joe Mark?

Yeah. So it's some executive order where whenever I ask a doctor a question, like for example, I take Adderall. I don't know if you guys call that here. Yeah, we know what it is. Yeah. The limit, yeah. Yeah. The limitless pill. Yeah, and then they'll say like, you know,

don't have, do not mix it with caffeine. But if you talk to anyone, they'll be like, you can have a coffee on it. The doctors, they have to say that because you can't sue them. I need a second level of doctor responsibility where they go, hey, don't mix Adderall and caffeine. Between us, you can have a coffee.

And that, I can't sue them because what do we do? I Google it, I have to Google it. Hey, can I have a coffee after a little bit of Adderall? And I have to go to fucking Reddit boards. I want a doctor to talk to me without the fear that they're gonna be sued. And so they have one level of like the official, do not mix these two things.

And one of like, yeah, it's most likely fine. And I can't sue them for it, but they're giving me, I hate when I'm talking to a doctor and it's like, they're talking to me like the judge is next to us. And I'm like, I'm gonna cheat a little. I'd rather learn it from you, the professional, than fucking read it.

It's like a layer where you've got friends. This is the best executive order we've had. It's like you've got a friend as a doctor. They're a doctor, but they're your mate. So it's like the mate's version of genuine medical advice. Honestly, you go in and go, I've signed that, you can tell me. And you go, okay, I know. Honesty doctor. I want to speak to a doctor and go, seriously though,

about the units of alcohol a week, can you fuck off? When they're like, so you need to cut down to something sensible, like two drinks a week. Fuck off. What a load of shit. Be reasonable. What's the, where are we putting up? Seven, eight. Like it's got to be an even number. That is what it is. It's 14 units a week in it. So it's seven pints. Yeah. But my doctor told me two. Because, because, because someone once did three

and died and their family sued the doctor and they said, well, we gotta make it two now. I mean, officially I've got enzymes in my liver, but ignore that. It can't be true. You're like, let me get the real opinion. No, two, I'm serious. I'm fucking serious.

From a mate. Oh God. Yeah, that would be great. Just a little bit of- Just tell me the truth. A grown up response. Tell me the truth. Tell me what you'd tell your brother.

Yes. What would you tell your brother? Because we're getting this information. I am Googling it and I'm looking and I'm like trying to assess and it's, and I'm not pushing it. I'm trying to do it reasonably, but it's absurd to say, oh, you never have a coffee. The Adderall that you take. Yeah, tell me about it. I'm trying to do it reasonably, but it's absurd to say, oh, you never have a coffee.

The Adderall that you take? Yeah. Tell me about it. Have you got any? It's back in the room. Yeah. Is it for ADHD? Yeah, but like, let me tell you, I got diagnosed. I had a therapist forever. She wasn't allowed to prescribe, but she referred me to someone who prescribes. This woman is a drug dealer, and I had to pay the $500 fee to meet with her to get the Adderall. It was over Zoom. She, I could have gotten anything I wanted

from this woman if I asked for it. I said to her, I mean, this is kind of the other end of the spectrum. I said to her, I said, can I smoke pot? Like if I had a Adderall that morning, can I smoke pot that night? And she said, let me Google it. And I was like, oh my God, I paid for this?

This system is nonsense. You're, and I saw her watch the Google and she read it to me, like it says, it is okay sometimes according to Reddit. And I'm like, that's bullshit. So all of this is bullshit. So I, so I just, there needs to be some level between like hyper legalized language

to make sure no one's held accountable. My doctors who should be somewhat accountable and like no account. And there needs to be a middle ground. What does it do? Is it, if you don't have ADHD, it's quite speedy. But if you do, it just levels you off. I have ADHD, but it still feels like,

it feels like what I thought cocaine was gonna be. I only did cocaine a couple of times in my life, but it feels like I have to break it in half because it's too much. I feel filled with like a little bit of mania. I could almost cry with like happiness. I feel, I'm like, oh my God, there's so much I can do. Oh yeah.

It doesn't do. Keep going. Jesus, this is so good. I don't really take it. I took half today. Can I have the other half? That sounded so good. Did that not sound good to anyone else? It's nice. Happy and you want to do. I am going to try

it very soon. I think that's what they say. That's what they say. Trump like does. That's what they say. Like his, cause he doesn't drink, but they say Adderall. It's a lot of Adderall. And, and again, they, they, they tell me don't have a coffee or don't have too much. And I'm like, well, Trump seems to be doing it every day, he's fucking president. Did you say you've got modafinil? Yeah, I got it in India. Is that the same sort of-

It's similar, yeah. Similar, it's the same- Is it? Same thing. Oh, what about modafinil? It's just a focused drug, isn't it? Modafinil's antinarcolepsy, isn't it? Yeah, but it doesn't really, I mean, it doesn't,

I thought it would focus me. It makes me excited to work, but I'm just as scattered as I always am. I thought my Daphnil was just antinarcolepsy I thought it just woke you up. I thought it was just a focus. It does help with focus because of that one of the side effects is that it helps with focus. Hmm this sounds great. Executive order can we have at all? Would you not get diagnosed then? What? Would you not try and get diagnosed? Yeah, maybe. I'm telling you, you can.

I am struggling to focus. Just go in and send them one episode of this podcast. You'll get it immediately. Take it all! It's the Gas League. Do you want to do one from a listener? Yeah. Sure.

Joe Green says, executive order for you boys. Buskers should be banned from using speakers. I want a gentle ambiance in my high street shopping, not blaring down my lugs from a mile away in the minute go. So it's not anti-busker. It's just turn it down because the rappers like lads shut up. Well, now it's more problematic. No, I mean the people doing rap and that could be anybody. But it isn't in my head. Yeah that's just like shhh I'm shopping shut up. Yeah give me a nice like lillidoo doo doo. Yeah the Godbotherers that's fine if you want

to shout about Jesus. Yeah. Well what if they haven't got a speaker what they do with the mic? Oh, yeah, that's true. So it's just Screaming with a guitar Just busking for the 50 yards in there if you're within a shot you can hear a lovely song Yeah, there's needs to be all over if you want to tell me about Jesus. That's great. You don't do it at 600 watts I like them all you know hear them here though in the studio. We can hear them all around town. Great. But if I go to you, I want to hear, I don't want to hear you singing from half a mile away. Do you know Mark, New York, have we got a lot of buskers? Because Liverpool's a city with a history of music and obviously the

Beatles are from here. It's a real culture of it. And I'm not shitting on the buskers, but it is like every hundred yards you've got someone else with a speaker. Yeah, we definitely, we definitely have them. I think New York, I need, sometimes it seems like they're cracking down sometimes not for me it is we have, uh, I lived in Harlem for a long time and the, the black Hebrew Israelites are like a group that had his interview. Oh my God. Yeah. And they're, they're, they're usually on a speaker and I that's, you know, it's, it's, it's pretty hateful. It's, it's a bad stuff. Oh, I thought they were rapping. I mean, it could be, it could. That's the black eyed peas. No, but they'll be out there and they go, they blame their women should do this and

white people are the devil. And no matter how much I beg, they won't let me join. So I agree. I do agree. There certainly needs to be a decibel meter. And yes, sometimes I mean, sometimes I go further. Sometimes when I'm really feeling anti-technology, I'm like, no one should have microphones. We should all be limited. We should all be

limited by the power of our own instrument. We don't need an arena show. I know, but don't you think we'd all be in a better place if like the most we could do is 150 cedar? That's why they had the amphitheaters, isn't it? To make the sound travel better. Sure, sure. We could just build them again. Yeah, and you'd have to pay attention. Yeah.

There was a famous gig in, there is a famous gig still in Dublin called the International, which is like a classic above a pub gig. And it seats, I think 60. And I've wanted to do it since I very first started standup. And I think they only introduced having a microphone and a PA about three or four years ago. I think an acoustic stand-up set,

I've done a couple shows, I was in Portland where the electricity went out and like we, I got everyone and they had a little candle on their table so we brought it all closer and I just, you know, I'm a theatre kid, I can project and there's a feeling of like, there's a real intimacy to it. It's a siege mentality, it's us against the world. I saw Mumford and Sons in a small venue recently, and the last three songs, they unplugged everything and just did it with...

That had to have been cool. Yeah, it was the best three songs of the entire thing, because it was like, wow, this is insane. The fact that they can do that with just them there, and we can all hear it, that was good. The Globe in London, the Shakespearean theater, they don't, they do it as it was done in the 16th century, don't they?

And that's part of the magic. I'd fucking love to do an unplugged gig. I think that'd be really cool. I had to do one two years ago when the power went out on Slater Street. Oh yeah. And I was four minutes into a preview. Oh wow.

So we had to stop and then it was only 60 people and 50 people, it's the Jackaranda in it. And I had to just sort of go, what do you want to do? Cause either way we've got to all go home or we just try and do it. And it was a weird preview. The show wasn't like it was at any other point in the run or the tour, but it was fucking class.

Yeah. And everyone are a lot of brilliant because they really like stand up. But everyone got us like, oh, this is weird. There wasn't a, no one said a word out of place. It was fucking cool. Yeah. So, yeah.

I agree. Did you have any more? Yeah, I do. I think landlords should have to live in the complex that they rent from for a couple reasons. One, I think if they know the tenants know where they live, they're going to be on their best behavior. I'm not saying we're going to do anything, but you know where I live, I should get to know where you live. Second, they're going to be on their best behavior. I'm not saying we're going to do anything, but you know where I live, I should get to know where you live. Second, they have to deal with the water and the heat and the AC. They have to experience what I experience because I've been to so many New York City

apartments where when it's freezing cold, no heat. When it's fine, blaring heat. And you have to call and try to explain why this is unacceptable. And they don't know. They're in Bermuda somewhere and they're like, it's lovely outside. They're like, it's freezing here. And I think if they had to live in their own complex, first, it would prevent people from owning too much land and renting out too much, which I think is a mistake. It limits it. And B, they would be interested

in maintaining their unit for themselves as well. Yeah. Not madder. Would you want to live with your landlord? I mean, you've just stopped renting. It's different in the UK though. The problem Jean-Marco is talking about is landlords in America buying an entire building of flats. Oh yeah. Like I live in a house that's being converted into two flats. I wouldn't really give a fuck whether the landlord was upstairs or not.

But like if it's in an apartment block, that's a totally different like anyone who owns an apartment block in Liverpool, yeah, the landlord should live. They can have the penthouse, they can have the best one, but it's in the same conditions as every other one. Yeah, respect that. All the landlord stuff's murky as fuck, innit? It is murky.

I know it's been going on for like thousands of years. People have owned buildings and gone, listen, you just pay me a little bit of money and you can live in it, but I still own the building and keep the value of that. Well, the next generation- The fact that it's still keeping people in poverty now, even though the government over here are trying to encourage

people to buy their own houses and trying to limit the money landlords can make from renting out, it's still fucking murky, isn't it? You think you'd ever be a landlord? Yeah. I'm looking into it now, but until I own a buy to let property, it's disgusting. Surely teenagers now, there's only a very small percentage of people who are going to own their own. I can't believe I've just bought a house. I cannot believe that I've found a way to do that. Like it seemed so.

Yeah, but you're in a privileged position where you can't do that. But I'm saying there's a connection to people who are gonna live a regular life with a regular wage who can't buy a house. Well, that's my thing. I'm like, I just think there's always the problem with either landlord owns too much property

and then they abuse people or they kick people. I just think of a landlord has to experience the consequences of their business model. If their tenants have mice, they have mice. Yeah. Oh, it's great. I like that. Put us fucking socialist on the couch and I like it. Yeah. Yeah. But it's a socialist. I'm still lying the room for landlord. They can exist. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Next door. We've got one more from the listeners? We do. Duncan in Scunthorpe. Have you played Scunthorpe yet, John Mocha? I recommend it, next European tour. Hello, lids, I'm six foot two, about 100 kilograms.

So not small. My issue is that a lot of toilet seats are getting smaller. Either I've got to take a plot whilst holding my cock so it doesn't touch the bowl, flex, or get full blown aids from having contact with the rim and also risk having the piss run over the top and down the front. So can we make toilets one decent universal size please?

Also I'm not disabled but I do enjoy their looves whilst ready to reply. Not all disabilities are visible if challenged. So- Is this just them saying he's got a big willy? Duncan from Scunthorpe is a big Willie Duncan from scone thought is a big man and he thinks toilets are too small. If you have to, as I have six foot four and if you have to sit and I don't have a big Willie, uh, he could have included that

in there, you know? But like if you, if you have to sit in a certain way or too far forward, it just like as the bulls coming up, it's there. So also there's too much water in your toilets. Is there is that I didn't know that was in America. The toilets are very high. Sure thing. Yeah. Like the water level.

But I, my, my opener, one of my, he's actually he's doing most of the London shows with me. His name's Liam Nelson. He's seven feet tall. What? He has MarFans, which, do you know MarFans? What? It's a connective tissue disorder. Oh.

But a lot of times people are tall. If you're tall, like I was, they check you out for MarFans, but you know, you're just long, everything's extended. I don't know about the dick, I haven't asked him. But it's gotta be. We're tall, I mean, if it's tough for this guy, it's impossible for him.

If he has to use an airplane bath when he talks about on stage, of course, there's airplanes where he would have to keep the door open. And it's like, so I do agree that these toilets cannot be this small and they've gone away with murder. And especially in his case. I go This is he literally can't use it. Yeah That would give me leaving a toilet door open on the airplane Andre the giant you ever see there's a documentary about Andre the giant

You're open as Andre the Giants. What your opener is under the giant He just called him Andre the regular He just called him Andre the regular and Andre the giant with all the money he had when he flew they sent the documentary he was gigantic they had to pull the like first class curtain and the other curtain put a bucket down and he'd shit in the middle of the plane. He used to poo in the bath. If he shits on a if you get on a flight and Andre the giant shits behind a curtain, that is your honeymoon in the fucking bin before you've even taken off. Yeah. Oh my gosh. So you're waiting for your flight. You see the giant and he's got

like Taco Bell in front of him. And you're like, no, no, no, no. Let's give you some salad. I'd kind of like that if I was on that plane. I'm actually getting to say. It was Andre the Giant, but what if it was just a big guy? Yeah, it wasn't a famous tall guy and it was just a tall guy. You'd be like, oh, it was Joe Marvis-Raisy's opener. I'd be fucking paying for the Wi-Fi to sex you, lad. You're not going to believe this.

I can currently smell Andre the Giant's shite. the giant shite. He had to poo at home he couldn't poo in his own toilet he'd have to poo in the bath because he couldn't fit on the toilet he poo in the bath he'd use his bath as a toilet. Forgive me for this. And he'd probably yeah what you're thinking. Forgive me for this. Right I already know this is the end of the podcast. I can sense it. I know he's a big guy. He was a big guy, he's dead. Right. And you say you can't fit on the toilet,

but the only thing that needs to fit on the toilet or within the toilet is his asshole, isn't it? So are you telling me Andre the Giant's asshole was wider than the average toilet? No, but if he sat on it, he would probably put the toilet up his ass, wouldn't he? Cause it was that wide. He wasn't that big. Opens up name have the giant in it. It's the size of the room. So his legs are like this. And now the asshole is out this way. So he needs to move to a bigger house.

My giant norm. This is not sure his house. I'm sure we couldn't use his house toilet because we'd say is not his bath. Why do you use water in the bath? Oh yeah. And it's probably wearing strong enough to support. That's what it is. He's frame. I need a fellow. Even he needs to move to a bigger house. He was just except he's died both ways as well. It wasn't like he was a skinny tall guy, like a basketball player. He was fucking giant. You see a picture of him holding a beer. Yeah.

You really get a sense of, oh my God. Oh really? Man in the world. So do you have some Woolworths and you joke about it. That is true for him. Right. Okay. Yeah. He was a, he was an insane man. Poor guy. Yeah. I'm, I'm kind of glad I'm, you know, not just by the giant. I just, he's six three or whatever number he makes up today. I'm

six three in heels in certain heels. I'm seven inch heels. He's in certain heels. I'm seven inch heels. He's 63. But like the anxiety, that would give me, like we went on a night out the other night and I needed, I have IBS so my stomach's not great and I get anxiety about it. Like if I'm going to have to go in a public toilet, I'm like, oh, I hope this isn't a bad one because if there's someone else in the room, it's gonna be bad.

So the other night, cause we were in this city, I left the nightclub to come here to do it here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm so glad that I did that cause it was a crime. I just, I went to my girlfriend's friend's wedding and we stayed at Airbnb, me and five other people like two couples three singles and There was one bathroom and I was like I was like, you know what? I'd rather have one bedroom five bathrooms Let's all share a bed

That's that's much less. That's much more comfortable for me to do with with adults after a wedding Where we're going to town. And that's what I really do think Airbnb, we need more bathrooms than bedrooms. That's the priority. My wife's got the control to just go, oh, I'm not pooing for a week. That's how that's gonna go down.

A week? Oh, she has, her poo anxiety is so strong. The thought of someone going, oh, is Laura done a poo? Would stop her everything working for at least four days. She can just go, oh, that'd be awful. By the way, I'm telling you right now, next time I'm in any social setting with your wife, every opportunity, I'm gonna say this sentence,

oh, it's Laura Dunapoo. God, if only Andre the Giant had that skill, my God. I hope Andre the Giant didn't have IBS. They're like, you have G-I-B-S, Giant. Well, he didn't have IBS. They're like you have GIBS. Well, he didn't have GI and bowels. Oh yeah. You will have had GI. Sure. Yeah. Anyway, who knew we were going to end this on some strong Andre the giant chap. John Margo. It's been a fucking pleasure. Have a great time in Europe. Thank you very much. Thanks for having me. Thank you for being here. Fairly. Have you got one of your things? Yes. Just want to say we're running low on the tunes

and everyone loves them here. Yeah, I love them. Yeah, so Finn at Have A Word Pod. Can we have some more hip hop, please? Yeah, Finn at HaveAWordPod.com. It's got to be your song. People are getting a bit confused and sending me just songs in the charts

going, can you play this? No. Are they? Yeah. It's got to be your song that you've got the copyright to or your mates band, all of that stuff. This week is a band called Sun Charmer and this is their tune, In The Mood For Love.

Cool. Okay. Bye bye, see you next week. Well that's an episode. Bye. The upon the information hung around the brain. Think about the way she likes to celebrate all the inconsistent facial messages as her eyes set fire and the moon grows high. And in the new life

Is a way of entertaining The entire masquerading population Feeling in the new form Try to set the expectation of this game Push aside a malcomage and tempting fate Listen to the sounds of howling through the rain Comfort for the inconsistent and insane as her eyes set fire And the moon rose high And in the new light Is a way of entertaining the entire masquerading population Feeling in the mood for It's a way of entertaining the entire masquerading population Feeling in the mood for love I'm gonna be followed Thanks for watching!