Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #335 with Danny McLoughlin - Have A Word w/Adam, Dan & Carl

Episode Date: June 29, 2025

Tickets for the ARENA SHOW, merch and loads more available on our website! https://haveawordpod.comTickets for Have A Word Live shows as well as Adam and Dan's tours and previews:Adam's Tour: https://www.adamrowe.comDan's Tour: https://dannightingale.comComedian's Club Chester: https://www.comediansclubchester.comDan & Finn's September Karaoke Party: https://www.skiddle.com/e/40966945Listen to Finn's new single 'Remedy': https://FinnlayK.lnk.to/RemedyAs Adam and Dan said, don't miss out on all of our extra content, we've got one of the best value Patreons in the game. An extra 90+ minute episode every week plus loads of bonus content such as the now infamous Lockdown Lock-ins, the Nashville & Amsterdam specials and our Ghost Hunts! What are you waiting for? Sign up now at https://patreon.com/haveawordpod​Get subscribed to Have A Word Highlights: https://youtube.com/haveawordhighlightsThanks to this week's sponsors:Huel | https://huel.com/haveawordpodGet Huel today with this exclusive offer for New Customers of TEN Pounds OFF + a FREE Gift with code haveawordpod at https://huel.com/haveawordpod (Minimum £60 purchase)Saily | https://saily.com/Download SAILY in your app store and use our code HAVEAWORD at checkout to get an exclusive 15% off your first purchase or go to https://saily.com/haveaword 🌍Lovehoney | https://lovehoney.co/word_podcastLove how you love and take 20% off site wide to unlock sexual happiness and discover a happier you with promo code: AFF-WORD20Manscaped | https://manscaped.com20% off with promo code: WORD20NordVPN | https://nordvpn.com/haveawordEXCLUSIVE NordVPN Deal ➼ Try it risk-free now with a 30-day money-back guaranteeMerch:https://haveawordpod.comADAM ROWE and DAN NIGHTINGALE are two award winning comedians from Liverpool & Preston, respectively. They are two of the UK's most highly regarded stand-ups and have both performed all over the world. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What's happening lids, before we start this week's episode of the podcast, I've got to tell you my brand new stand up special What's Wrong With Me is out right now on the Have A Word YouTube channel. That's youtube.com slash have a word pod if you're listening on audio and if you watch it on YouTube, you're already there. It's the best thing I've ever done. The production value is insane. The reaction has already been insane.

And I only released it like an hour ago. So I'm very grateful to everyone who's going to watch it, but do us a favor. If you enjoy it, like it, leave a comment, and especially share it, put it in your WhatsApp groups, put it in your Instagram stories, spread the word for us. Let's blitz the views we did on my last special. I'm really proud of this one.

Not just the stand up, like obviously I'm proud of the hour of stand up that I wrote and it went well all over the country, but the amount of work and effort and attention to detail that will be and the rest of the team have put in to creating this product is just levels above, above anything we've ever done before. And I can't wait to see what everyone thinks of it. So what's wrong with me? Full standup special out now on the podcast YouTube channel that's youtube.com slash have a word pod. Watch it, like it, share it.

Appreciate it. And I'll see you soon. Enjoy the episode. It's class. What's happening lids by now you should have seen the biggest announcement in have a word history. We're doing the arena in Liverpool, the M&S Bank Arena on Saturday the 20th of December.

Now you might be going, hey, you've already done the arena, now it's this bigger. Just you wait and see. The surprises we've got lined up for this are so big, so secret, we're not allowed to list them contractually. It is gonna absolutely bury the last Arena show we did.

And if you were there, you'll know that was the biggest night we've ever put together. Absolutely incredible. Everyone had the absolute time of their lives. And this one is a level up. We're going through the roof. Yes, just a celebration of Have A Word. It's all the lids, all the people you love.

It's going to be guests that you love. It's going to be music acts. It's going to be everything, all in one room love. It's gonna be guests that you love. It's gonna be music acts, it's gonna be everything. All in one room, five days before Christmas. Just a big celebration. Why would you not wanna be there? Come and celebrate Christmas with us. Saturday the 20th of December, the M&S Bank Arena.

It's on sale right now to everyone. We've already done a Patreon presale and they're completely sold out. Every single ticket is now being released. Go and get them. You can get tickets at LiveNation.co.uk, but also on our website and the M&S Bank of Readers' website as well.

Come and see us. You don't want to miss this one. Best night of your lives. Oh yeah. We're gonna change your lives. We're certainly gonna change your Christmas 2025. Wag wag lids, you're listening to the funniest podcast in the game. From the heart of Liverpool with Adam, Dan, Sensei Kal and Finn.

This is the one and only Have Our Ward. Brought to you by Manscape, the very best products on the market for below the waist groomer. Go Ed, get on me. And we are live. How are you? You okay? I've got an ulcer the size of Morocco in me mouth. Oh shit. Wow.

Yeah. Which way? It's massive but big isn't it? Oh no. And I've got another one at the front of me bottom lip. So like, and that's on the left. That's Tunisia. Not looking after yourself?

Tunisia. Oh! Tunisia, me. Do you know why I got, I had that once at Christmas and it ruined Christmas? Because I couldn't enjoy, you can't enjoy food. What have you got that from? Stress. Stress.

So when your body's worn down, isn't it? Yes. I think I'm a bit run down at the moment. But I've had a bad couple of weeks, but last couple of days I've got my pep back. Nice. I'm back on pep form. Right. You've shagged the season though, haven't you? Yeah, no, but it's like City.

They'll work it out. Not Guardiola, just like natural pep. By the way, Murach was 446,000 kilometres squared. Yeah. Oh shit. Roughly. Big one. Yeah.

That's genuinely what it feels like though. 46,000 kilometers squared. Yeah. Oh shit. Big one. Yeah. That's genuinely what it feels like though. I've been fucking scramming Bonjela for breakfast. You shouldn't be eating it. You meant to put it on this plate. Cause you barely has any losses. You didn't probably have. You didn't trouble if it has.

Yeah. How's your health done? Considering my age, pretty good. Haven't you come off the test no back on you're back on the test yeah yeah yeah yeah you flip-flopping no i just said i just delayed a dosage for a couple of days i was a bit worried about my psoriasis because i was getting angry but i did get shitfaced about 14 times in the space of two months, which my doctor said, probably not a good idea. No, no. 14 times in two months.

Well, it's just been a big seven a month, twice. It's been a big boosie twice a week. It's been just being an absolute fucking hemophile. I haven't been blathered 14 times in the last three years. Lifetime. Yeah, but you're a gimp, aren't you? Sorry. Yeah, but doctors do that thingimp, aren't you? Sorry, yeah, I keep forgetting I'm a gimp. Yeah, but doctors do that thing of like, you can have four drinks this year,

but why is pushing it? They're very sensitive about the old boozing, but I'm back on the test. All doctors are alcoholics, though. They all look like them anyway. Have you ever seen Grey's Anatomy? All of them just go to the pub and eat nuts. Shag.

Yeah. A lot of shagging as well. They all just go to the boozer afterwards. Right. And that's all doctors are alcoholics because of Grey's Anatomy. I mean the only doctors I've seen, Grey's Anatomy, they all love the booze. The sauce. Everyone who's got a high stress job loves the ale.

Different doctors a high stress job? Like GP? I don't think that's a high stress job. Being a GP. You've got people, like if one thing goes wrong, you are, you know, a minute away from jail. What? What are you talking about? Local village GP. Harold Shipman. Can I just... If you misdiagnose... That wasn't one thing that's gone wrong.

One thing went wrong. I just murdered 200 pensioners and now all of a sudden I've got ulcers in my mouth. It's a stress of killing pensioners. I'm just saying, maybe not GP, but you've got people, you know, if you've misdiagnosed or something. Oh, a brain surgeon? Yeah, I'm sure they're not rolling in with a hangover. A GP at like, I dunno, Pick a medical centre, Hornspit Medical Centre or something in West Harvey. What, one of random ones in June?

All they do is hide from the receptionist. Just tell them we're not here, tell them it's full. They're just in there, finger in their ass, and you come in and go, I mean, he's so, and they go, oh, I'll diagnose that, you've got sore knees, there you go. Off you pop, bit of me it's full. They're just in there, finger in their ass, and you come in and go on my knees. So then they go, oh, I'll diagnose that. You got sore knees. There you go, off your pop, bit of jermaline. I said, I'm not a doctor, I've not been for a while, to be honest.

I've not changed my doctor. And I went, what I did was, so, Hornswit was by, that was my old doctor's, and then I went to the walk-in. Yeah. And they went, where do you live? And I went in here, and then they sent me a letter, and I went, oh, we fucked your old doctor off, because you don't live there no more.

Yeah, so you haven't got one? No. No, neither have I. So I rang, I needed medical help a while back and I rang Hornsby Medical Center, which was my old doctor's and was like, hey, can I come and see the doctor? And they went, oh, he's not your doctor anymore. And I was like, why haven't you told me?

And they went, we sent you a letter. And I literally nearly went, letters are not a fucking good way of communication in 2025. That should be banned by the way. You should not be legally accountable anymore to mail. To a written document. No, I think if it needs to be like signed,

then it needs to be like a- How do you know I've seen it? Well, no, of course. A lot of people do open the post though. No, but they'd sent it to an old address because I hadn't changed my address. Yeah, a lot of people update addresses, but you know. I always think what happens. Communicating via, oh, we've written it down and put it in a little special bag and give it to a man in a red car and he drove it across the land to you.

That is it. Fucking stupid. Mail is outdated shite. Send me an email, send me a text. Or bell me. He wouldn't see it anyway. Yeah, you'd ignore the email as well. Yeah, that's gone in me.

On the phone call. But that's my fault. If I ignore the email, that's my fault. If you send me a letter in 2025 and then go, oh, we just dropped, you'd get it. Bollocks. I think the same with parking tickets because what if someone takes it off your window?

Yeah. Oh, this is an offense. You're not going to jail for it, are you? I was thinking, I wonder if I've got one and someone's took it off. And then I'm just slowly getting fucked in the background. Right, because again, because you're not opening the mail. No, I open my mail.

Right. In fact, I open my mail instantly. So just to clear up, if someone takes your parking ticket off your car and throws it away, the next step isn't jail time. No, but the first letter is a fine. It is a big fine though, isn't it? Because you've ignored it.

If you get a yellow parking ticket. A big fine. It's like 300 quid. Is it instantly 300 quid? No, but the time elapses, which I don't know what's happened. If you don't pay within the 14 days or 28 days, then it like triples or some shit. But the first letter you get, they shoot you. No, that's why Traffic Water's gone punch now.

It wouldn't let them box inside shooting the house. Finn's absolutely right, they put the little yellow fucking grass label on your car. Right, right. Right, little snitch packet. Traffic Water's been getting hammered on this recently. Fucking gobshite. They are, they're a bunch of horrible cunts and they should all be shot at birth. If there was no traffic wardens, the parking in Liverpool would be insane and you would be at the head of it. You'd be like parking in the fucking doorway of Primark. I'd do that anyway.

The little snitch packet, you put that on your car. And then if you're like drunk and go, I'll take that off and you take it away. The next communication you get from the park and golfs is, oh, you didn't pay that within a month. So now it's seven grand, thank you. Sell your watches. Thank you. Sell your watches, it actually says it.

Yeah, but you don't read the mail anyway. So it's basically, you know. I just don't believe in it. I just don't think it's a real way of communicating anymore. You might as well send a fucking pigeon to chair Moore's code at me But a car world news by the way The change in the rules on TV license because the sick of people not paying it I personally do pay on TV license because the sick of people not paying it. I personally do pay it. They are country to everything he said for five years. I pay twice a year like the queen. Um, so I've met your council tax. You can't avoid it. Right. What if you don't have a telling? Then you have to like appeal it and prove and then you can't prove a negative

It's like don't want to card. You have to see you go off now that opt out Yeah, are they allowed to touch your stuff? Like if I put a sheet over me telling and then he comes in and they're like, what's that? I'll just be like It's a sheet What's just a sheet what it is actually under the sheets Your birthday How can they enforce that they cut no one is actually under the sheets. Ah, shit, Joe Bay depends mate. It's not my birthday. How can they enforce that? So what it is is, I mean, this is called world news, you know, I don't come with facts, I come with conjecture.

World news as well. TV licensing. Apparently it's like an op that, like I haven't got a TV, take that off and they go, you haven't got a TV? Okay, cool. Rather than like... What the fuck, it's nothing to do with them whether you've got a TV. If you just go, I don't consume the BBC. It's not even the BBC. It's like, it's anything... It's live. Anything free of you, I think.

No, it's... And I play it too. And I play it too, because I play it's got live shit on it now. It's any live broadcast. What, Sky Sports? Yeah. Why? Oh no, not Sky Sports, because they've got ads.

That's got nothing to do with it. It's sports because they got ads. There's a big list of things you can't watch. Yeah, I think it was public service broadcasters like Dave. Yeah, but you can't. Having a TV is no proof that you're consuming licensable. No? It could be like, they've got to catch you watching it. Karl. Go on. They might do this. Ah, there you go. They're considering it and it's going to be based on how much your house is worth. Your license fee. Ah, so I could sell my house to my dad for 11 quid and then it'll be free.

It'll come back in bunts in the end, mate. Yeah. Yeah. There you go. Just saying be careful because they're going to... Another PSA. So what is it? Open bodies of water, hot air balloons, the council, the license fee, man. That is three things that you do need to be wary of.

Don't answer the door. I've knocked on my door and I've just looked out the window at them and walked away. Do you know, I... Obviously, I've just moved into my gaff and there's an alleyway, a guineal. Is it a guineal? A Snicket. A guineal.

What? A Snicket. I haven't met the neighbors. There's a guineal. A guineal is a classic. It's got like a gate on it and you need a key to open the gate. Here we go, look, I told you, how long has it been?

Right, here we go. 30 quid it is mate. I don't care about the 30 quid. The office is open for 20 minutes a week and they change the time each week and don't tell you by the way. And he's famously good with keys. 30 quid is not the issue. Because someone let me in the guinal.

Come on. So you'd have to go to the council and go, hey, I need a guinal key. And they go, how do we know you live there? And you like have sent them selfies and everything from in the bathroom and that. They have to pay 14 bills, I've done it. Yeah, you need three months worth of utility bills.

So for three months, I can't use me fucking guinal. What's in the guinal? What do you want to use it for, Adam? The bins. The new show comes waiting for. What's in the guinal? And the office is in a weird place. I've done all this, mate. There's an office for all this mate. There's an office for the Ginnel. There's an office for the Ginnel.

The bins! He was right! The bins! And also I need to open the Ginnel to get my couch through the back window. One week it took. It should be beef with neighbours in no time. No, the neighbours are sound. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The sound one's the one you beef with neighbors in no time. No, the neighbors are shant. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The one to beef with. All right. Well, good luck with the guineal. Yeah. Does that come together though? The office for the guineal keys is in a weird place. Do you have to actually go? Yes. You have to personally go and it's open for like 14 minutes on a Sunday morning every six weeks. Is it just the guinenel office or is it does it

there's a place within the office that just does keys for alleys and guinnels. Yeah. Honestly, they're not like they're all alcoholics. That's a high pressure job. And it's 30 quid should have been provided one by the previous tenant. They probably have left it somewhere, but I can't see it twice. An obvious K. It's like a big, you know, I think I've read that away. I didn't know what it was for. Yeah, the gill. But yeah, I've been through all this mate. Oh, you just wait. Wait for what? It'll all happen.

It's not getting worse than this. Oh, it is so is. You are gonna, you're gonna hate at least three neighbours within the year. Why would I hate neighbours? Because they're annoying cunts who constantly live near you. They just won't move. But like what could they possibly do? That's gonna wind up in Benking's. Adam, have you ever spent time with yourself?

They'll just exist in and around you for a bit. They're annoying. Unless they're gonna be on my French patio sipping my coffee. Then who's asked? No, but you could be sipping your coffee while someone's burning rubbish in the house next to you. Burning your rubbish in the last? You can't enjoy your coffee then? I can. Let's do this.

Oh, you're gonna be beefing so soon. I can't wait. Bookmark it. I'm not though. Everyone's a nobbed. It's like on the roads. Do you drive on, you're like, it's fine. Everyone else is a nobbed but you. It's the on the roads, do you drive on it? It's fine. Everyone else has a knob head but you, it's the same. The reason it bothers me that people can't fucking drive like I do is that that affects my driving experience. Them living in their houses, doing their own lives

doesn't affect me. Oh my God. You're gonna get it so fast. You're acting like I've never lived in a house before. No, not like this, just wait. It's your gaffe, you care about it more. You care about the litter in the front and someone's put a skip down there, it stinks as shit.

And someone's parked the car there. Who's pooing in skips by yours? There's a perfectly good ginnel to shit in. People get the case for. Why would I care if someone's got a skip outside their house? Why? Oh God. Why does that matter to me?

Would that bother you? If Henry had a fucking skip outside, what's your name again? Martin. Martin. Martin Henry. If Henry had a skip outside his house, Martin had a skip outside his house, why does that affect you? Yeah, it doesn't.

Skips are fine as long as they're not in a stupid place and if they fuck off. I know you've had the skip. We've get another skip and then someone just starts putting stuff in it. You want to burn everyone's house down? You know how to do that. There's a woman around ours, she's, I don't know what she's been doing in the last few years. She's got a skip a couple of times and she stands near it to stop people fly tipping into it. It's a fun life she's living. She's so worried about anyone putting any marks on her. She man marks her own skit. People using your skit mate.

Tight. That wouldn't bother me either. I assure you it would. Why? Because when you've got leftover rubbish and someone's fridges in your skit. Just pack it in. Oh I thought you meant them. Stop it!

No just fit it in. That honestly wouldn't bother me. I think I'm just much more chilled than you two. Someone's gonna park too close to your car. One day you can't get out and you're gonna go. No, I've already got me parking spots. I know how the parking works by as well. They've already just there.

I've boxed it. What happens if someone doesn't live there, parks there? They couldn't possibly block me in. You live in a terrible street for parking. So like that's a pain for you. It's not for me. It is a thing. Doesn't bother me. Like my next door neighbor's got is a two and a half kids family fucking like they're just a normal couple who've got two kids than the big Liverpool fans. They're always the Mardiners though aren't they? Not these ones, but like, oh, we're

normal. Sorry, so what I'm worrying about now is not getting annoyed, it's getting murder. The Boas West had 2.5 kids, mate. Didn't they have 10 and one of them was under the patio? 11 then? Eventually doing under the patio. Right, they were always the murderers. The normal ones? They're just never the bride.

No, no, Carl, you're getting confused there. No, no. Murder this present to be normal, but some people are just normal and they are just a normal family who live next door and they have already met them. They came in the house, had a little look around and they were like, Oh yeah. Welcome to the neighborhood. I had a little look around like just as the work was getting done. Oh nice. I invited my neighbors into my house when it's getting done constantly. Once like the house is sort of like done, I'm going to go along the streets and knock on every door and be like, hi, I'm from number 11. Like in that voice. Yeah. Hi. Have you got it? Okay. They came in and they were like, they were like, yeah, you know, we hope you're happy in the neighborhood and we're really

sorry for a typical if we're ever loud in the Liverpool games on. That's what they said to me. Don't worry about it. I'll be there, mate. Great. Best friends for life. Best friends for life. Can't see a problem. Can't see any issue going forward ever. You'll just, it'll be fine.

It'll be, it'll be great. I've only got like, I'm at the end of like a terrace. Yeah. But like, you're not the wire. Like you're right next to the next set. I'm not. I've got one set of next door neighbors. Everyone else on my street's about 75 years old.

Oh, they're the good ones. They're cool and legit. Oh, they're the best. They have no time for anything. They're too busy with Quasar. What do you think I'm gonna to be doing in this street? That's going to cause me to be playing footy, am I? Banging it against the fence.

Oh, shut up, Billy, you're going to have to get mental. Seven-year-old Penny. It's just going to be a hard life. Hello, hello, hello. I am a new in the area. Hello. Can you just turn your telly down a minute? The telly is not.

Yes, it fucking is turn it down You won't you go? Oh, let's be chill. That's the license Happened to you as someone knocked on your house that she's turned the telly down no Someone of my roads got an as well because they play the music too loud and she's dead old. It's funny. What music? It's like Glastonbury and House. It's insane.

Class. It's that loud that you're allowed to play, you're allowed to make noise until 11 o'clock is it? Is that the rule? I think it's nine. Nah, whatever. They came at like two in the afternoon and it was that loud. She's still got an Asbo.

That's how loud it was. Is that because she's deaf or does she just like... She's like I like me music. She hasn't got the internet so she just plays her music. But again if that was happening in my... Did you get an Asbo? Were you the grass? That was there yesterday. No. Are you arsed? Sometimes yeah when I can't hear the telly. How far away is she from you?

How shits are your telly speakers if you can't hear the telly over someone four doors away playing the fucking radio? No, she's next door. But she's up in the alleys of the gap. What? How loud is this? A loud enough for an anti-social behaviour order thing. Silly.

Just put your earpods in and shut up. And then someone else down there grasped as well the other day. I think you're the problem here. Yeah, you're the fucking nightmare neighbour. Yeah, what have I done? I'd rather not live near you. You whinging about every cunt on your street. That's what it is.

You've got plaster and brie at two doors down. Sounds fun. I'd love that by the way. Someone told the council that I was getting building work done, which isn't illegal, and I'm not. Is it a crime? I'm not That I was using the people's bins for the building waste

Your bits have been stolen to the council came out. I mean I am eight Just been told this by neighbor, but I've looked around and it's all not true And I'm sorry and I'll go back now and I'm like cool and I know who it was it was here with the hairy armpits. Is there a hairy armpit? Is there a woman on your street? Is this Glastow woman? No. A hippie or a gorilla? And I said to myself that I wouldn't smile at her. Yeah. And I did a day I smiled at her. Oh yeah he told us that yeah. Everyone on my streets like because obviously I've been getting quite a lot of work done like everyone's been really accommodating and like being like, oh, dead nice. Everyone's just like polite. There's a street WhatsApp.

Yeah, man. I made it. You in it yet? No, I'm not in it yet, but I think I'll get in it by God. I'm going to go along the whole street and be like, hello. I'm Adam. Hello. Hello.

I'm going to take everyone. You know, like most people would take like a bottle of wine or something. Yeah. I'm gonna take everyone a bag of tang pastas. I think that's like a nice icebreaker, like, oh, do you want a bag of sweets? No, I'm not, better hit love. You're trying to kill me. I'm rigging a council, you're trying to murder me. Don't you tell her that on. That'll happen. Look at my armpits. They're so hairy. Absolute straw man, but...

It's going to be fucking class. I hope it's great for you. I love me little neighbour, I love me street, like it's all just class. I'm really excited. Me walls are lovely. It'll change. What? If this is your first episode, Adam's the first person in history to buy a house. That's

what we've been charting in the last few weeks. What do you mean? Just because I'm happy with my house? No. Just because you live in a fucking bin doesn't mean that I have to mate. Oh, Sawgold's lovely. Fucking shite stinks of poo. Basically. It really does. I like your house. Thanks. How is your health done? What's going on? What's going on about my health? No, I just thought a health update. You said you come off the test. No, hang on. I didn't.

I said I'm fine. What are you? Do you know something about my health that you're not? What? What's happening? I was just asking. Do you actually know something? No. Oh, I was just checking your rollout. Don't do this. You're freaking me out. Have you been opening my post? Have you got the results? Dan you're sick. How's your health? Oh, it's nice to be cared about. No, but Dan, but how's your health? I feel all right. Good. How's yours? I'm great. Easy to lose a little bit of weight. Put a bit of weight on after the wedding. All good.

I think my stress levels are going to go down because I'm going to be going down the driving range. Dan's bought a golf club. He's bought a driver. I went to one. I went to... Yeah. I bought one.

You don't need a putter for the driving range, Finn. But I don't need, yeah. I don't need other clubs. He was weirdly good at it as well. He's got a heavy hand a four-hour break. Me and Dan are going on a golf holiday next year. He's coming. Yeah, but I need to practice on the other, cause I've just got a three wood that I'm going to twat into the abyss. That's all I, right now, that's all I want to do. You bought a three wood? Yeah. I was there for about 40 minutes in American golf. Just tw- they've got like a computerized thing. And I'm a bit of a slicer. And- We know.

You can still play golf, Dan. And then he was like, in your price range. Cause I was like, I don't want to spend tons on- In your price range. We've got the very special premium VIP club. In Clusters one year, Dan. Four million. Welcome to the Bondi Room. Whoa. Do I need this many diamonds on the shaft? It was great.

The lads are lit. It's quality. What did you buy then? How much was it? 140 quid for a Callaway 3-wood that I was really enjoying swinging. Suits me. You said amateurs can get 200 yards.

Yeah, yeah. 230. I was having a fucking great time. So that's going to be me now. Another hobby where I leave the house and do something on my own. Laura's dead happy about it. I seen a thing the other day about why men love golf. Like why men are wired to, because obviously some women are into it as well, but like it's a predominantly male sport, isn't it? Especially like on an amateur level. You know what I mean? Yeah, there's some old girls got memberships. That's like a thing. Middle-class old ladies, but it's predominantly male. Golf widow is a thing, isn't it? Girls come to golf with them. Yeah. When people die on the golf course.

No, no, it's when their husbands just... It's a golf widow. So you know how like a very common problem in relationships is that a woman will be like, oh, I've got this big issue. This is me. Big problem at the minute. Oh, and men immediately try and solve it. And what women want is to just have the problem for a bit and talk. We try and give solutions. They just wanna sort of exist in the problem. Totally, they just want to know that you understand that they've got a problem and leave them to solve it on their own. Which blows my mind.

Yeah, but that's a very like female to male thing. Whereas men, if they've got a problem, we're wired to be like, well, we better solve this immediately. And what golf is, is 100 to 120 problems back to back where you get 30 seconds to figure each one out. Cause every time you've got a new shot, every time you've got a new shot, you'll never play the same golf shot twice ever. Cause the ball will always land somewhere different. So even if you play the same course again and again and again, apart from the AT&T

shots, every other shot you take will be the first time you've took it. So you have to be there and be like, right, the weather's like this today. And if you get really good at it and you know exactly what you're doing, I need this club, I need to hit it like this, I need to hit it with this much speed.

Like it's constant problem-solving, which is why it works really well for the male brain. I can see the appeal of that. I'm at the level where I just want to try and twat a ball really far repeatedly from the same spot. That's men as well, isn't it? Like just hitting things. So maybe I'll progress.

But right now, also, I never realized there was a little machine where you just pour the balls in and it goes meee and then just you don't have enough to bend over. Wow, that's going to be fucking class. I would like to get into it. I just I'm not good at it. And that's you get into it. I just, I'm not good at it. And that's, you're like that. I don't like not being good at things. I hit a ball 209 yards and it charts

how far you've gone off the line. And it was at zero yards. I hit it perfectly straight for 209 yards. And the guy went, fucking, hold on. Good, good, good. Obviously he's selling me a golf club. So he was like, you're fucking good at this, lad. But, oh, very satisfied. And he's a patron, is he? No, he's a lad.

He used to work at the commercial in Chester. So I recognize him from back in the day when the laughing was going, we used to go and drink and now he works at American golf. And he was very kind to sort of let me swing and practice. Oh, it was great fun. I just went down to buy a, I didn't realize you were gonna get to go into a machine and fucking chart how you were doing. It's so satisfying. And I was, it was quite warm yesterday. I was sweating.

I was giving it fucking beans. I've never done it before, never bothered with it. I can see the massive benefits stress-wise. I'm not even talking about the game because the great thing about a driving rage, if you fucking shank it, who cares? The machine goes, have another go down. Have another go.

Have you hit the roof yet? I remember when I used to go, I used to somehow hit the roof, like above you. You got a T up to either. Yeah. No, I didn't do that. Get under the ball. Yeah, I used to get under there.

I used to get behind it. So I'm just going to go on leather balls into a fucking field. My grandpa missed both births of his children because he was golfing. Yeah, but that was back in the day when you were encouraged to like be smoking and shagging and... He took my grandma when they were first together, I mean they're not together now, when they were first like together in like the 60s, took her to a golf tournament, like a mixed one, and she got banned from the golf course for wearing a skirt and ended up in the paper.

What year was this? I don't know, ancient times, whenever like old people were around when they were younger. 60s? Yeah, probably late. Yeah. Probably mid sixties. I've women as the light and old men I've got like fat. What is it? What's the word dress code? I'm guessing there's a lady. Oh, it is a string. But back then it was like you had to wear long, long skirt, but she was. You should have to wear golf attire. But golf outfits for girls are for...

My grandad was a captain of the golf club in Penn with him where I'm from. And it was the best social for the rest of his life. Like he died at like 97 or 98 and he was still going down to the golf club even after he had to play, stop playing. And they had a little tournament around his birthday every year. And we're saying, no more golf. No more golf. That was a sad WhatsApp to get. It was fucking, he looked class. It was all his mates was the golf club.

If you took that away, I don't think he'd have had any boys. Yeah. And also, it's really good for you to be out in, you're in nature, aren't you? You're in fields and like woodland. Yeah, how many steps you doing on her? Not as many as you'd think, seven, eight thousand. Yeah, but I mean, it's 80 years old or whatever. If you're still golfing, I mean, a lot of time it's going to be great parish council, captain of the golf club. Fucking set. A lot of the Alphellas use the buggies though. Right. And they drive around it rather than do the steps.

But you're out in nature for four hours and then having a pint it's fucking class. There's a little bit of golf content coming up next month. Oh yeah. Yeah. Next year though. Have a word open. Are we going straight to hosting our own tournaments. Middle of Lisbon.

Going on a golf holiday in April. You are? Look how excited he's got. He hasn't even into it. He hasn't played a single game yet and he's inviting himself. Yeah, he just wants to piss up. I know it's good, isn't it? Day drinking, isn't it? Yeah, that's what golf is.

Yes. You put a fucking 12 pack of fucking corona in it. Day drinking in it. Yeah. That's what golf is. Yes. You put a fucking 12 pack of fucking Corona in there. What would you do if you could do ski golf all the mix one day skiing one day golf madness. Happy Gilmore on the skis. Yeah. Yeah. There was no happy Gilmore in it. The thing we were at the other day, which was an awkward sign to read after I just tried to happy Gilmore. Is that what it said? Is it no happy Gilmores? That's so fun. You playing footy with me? It's called footy. No, he's flirting. Oh, why? There's fucking foot up the inside of me like. Did you? You trying to fuck me? I haven't moved my feet. What are you on about? Oh, it must be the ghost.

Look where my feet are. Are they in a weird position? Why are you wearing inshore's mate? I hate it when you take your fucking shoes and socks off. Why? My dogs are barking. I haven't got any socks with me. These dogs need putting down.

Oh! That is a violation. Whoa, whoa, whoa. The old listeners. I'm not coming on the golfing holiday. I'm coming. Adam put his feet on, Dan. Right, let's have a break. See you shortly.

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pre-roll. Shop the Summer Pre-Roll and Infuse Pre-Roll Sale today at ocs.ca and participating retailers. Well, we did it in 2022. We went and changed the fucking game. And we are doing it again. We're doing the arena again. You've already sort of heard about that if you listen to the pre-roll or if you've been on social media, but Saturday. if you listen to the pre-roll or if you've been on social media, but Saturday, a Saturday as well. Saturday the 20th of December, come and celebrate Christmas with us. Super show. Like if you were at the last arena show or if you've watched the Patreon special of it, fucking hell I'm slurring because of this. Alisa, you'll know how big the last show was.

This is gonna absolutely bury it. If everything we've got planned right now for it comes off, it will be the biggest live comedy event maybe that the UK has ever seen. I wish you could hear some of the ideas that have been floated around this room. I think it's how we make that shit happen though. You think that's right, isn't it?

Yeah. Oh yeah. I don't see how you get bigger really. Yeah. So we like, we don't really love touring the live podcast because obviously we already do it twice a week and that's why we did Murderers Row because we wanted to tour without it being a full version of the podcast. But every now and then we do know that you want to see a big live version of it. And it takes so much planning and so many moving parts and everything has to come off for it to be absolutely perfect. And we wanted to leave enough of a gap after A, the last arena show and B, the podcast tour that we did in the summer of 2023.

And we just feel like it's time to just... Yeah. And if you haven't, if you don't, it's not just a live podcast, is it? It is a party, it is a dance event, a music event, it's everything, a massive have a word, basically extravaganza. Celebration, we're going to have guests who you love, we're going to have, it's just going to be, yeah, the place to be. And it's Christmas. So we're going to have guests that, you know, let's not over promise anything. Well, you know, like tickets are on sale. Now I would

get a fucking rig on. If you want to do it, this is the time to commit. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. That's excitement. Now testicular cancer, testicular cancer doesn't give you pain. If you've got pain in your body, that's reassuring. Torsion. What? Testicular torsion. Yeah. That makes me like, let's go together. Is that too much jizz and all? Not enough. Uh, if anything too much, it can't be not enough because I'm on schedule. But the timetable

out like a bus. I have a loose idea in my head of how often I should come. He plays the Jess Glynn song, so he knows you're on time. Do you not? Yeah, every time I lie down. Like, it's like, is it CPW comes per week? You just need to, like, not every week's the same, but you want to be along an average, don't you? Oh, I'm 10. I'm 10. 10 CPW. Oh wow. Even in your... That's a 42, 44 year old man. You're not 10 are you? You're like 3. Not

3. Don't talk about my CPW. I'd say 5. I'd say 32. but I'd be lying. Yeah, five. Yeah, I think, I actually think my average is probably eight. I think it's like every day and twice on Sunday. Finn? Once a week I have a little afternoon fucking. Afternoon Delight. Yeah.

Sky rockers in flight. Finn? Yeah, 5, 6, 7. There you go, comment on this episode with your CPW. Just comment the number below and we'll know what you mean. No, put CPW. I'll put CPW. And then we'll definitely know what you mean.

What's yours, Harry? 4,000? It's got to be in the civil figures. The thing is with my CPW every time I come and Nana's leg falls off. But he said he doesn't have a reload. So, no, he said, you can't get a reload. Was it ropes have come and then you're done? No, no, but not done for the day.

I've got I need a couple. I mean, I can't do two back to back, but like probably at least 10. Yeah, at least 10 a week. Yeah. When I was a bit younger, I was at least 10. Yeah. At least 10 a week. Yeah. When I was a bit younger, I was one, one, one wake up when I go to sleep. I actually think I would say up until I was 28, I would say I was a minimum of 14 a week. Two a day on have no, that's baseline because it was at least two a day. It was at least every morning, at least every night, whether that was sex or a little rowey pleasure time. Like do you have rowey pleasure time? I'd be like, Oh, I've got a bit of time in the afternoon. I'll go and come on a towel towel. We're playing in an arena. So towels are so like, you know, when you go to a hotel and there's just like, I feel

like they do it on purpose as well. Like don't use tissue. But there's too many towels. They're trying to make out the towels are slots. Tissue just pushes it. They know what they're doing. They're just laying them on the bed. Go on.

There's always more towels than you need in a good hotel. It's not a challenge. And some of them are cock sized. No, there's big ones and then there's a small one and then there's a middle one. Oh, it's like a gang bang. That's the cocks. Right. And then there's a one, there's one on the floor for the bathroom and that's a dirty little girl in it. Yeah. Have you ever used a sock? Yeah. That seems like the cliche thing, but when I mentioned a couple of weeks back, whatever I used to live in the loft, that was when I had to start using socks. Can I just ask Harry? Cause I feel like I know the answers to this and I feel like you're

about to lie, but I'll know you're lying from your initial reaction. Are you using the sock that's just come off your foot? It is as well. No, I've used clean socks. You bought come, you bought like fresh. I'm not giving myself athletes cock. I've gone. Wait, can I have a question? She put the cock over your sock over your cock and wank with the sock. No, no. Little sock flannel. Yeah. He's using sweaty socks on his belly. For reference, I'm not now, but when I used to live in the loft

it was because like I didn't have anything else. Otherwise I wouldn't have used socks, we have wipes nowadays. I use jeans me and at the end of the week you can just like shatter them on the wall. Clean pair of jeans or? What do you mean clean jeans? No jeans are clean ever. How often do you wash your jeans? You're not meant to wash your jeans. If you mean clean jeans? No jeans are clean ever are they? How often do you wash your jeans? You're not meant to wash your jeans. If you get good jeans, you're not meant to wash them, they wash themselves. Yeah, but I keep on putting like mayonnaise on my legs. If you get stains on them, you have to wash it. If you shit your pants while you're wearing your jeans, get them in the washroom.

You never wash jeans ever. Wash themselves. What do you mean? Good jeans wash themselves. In what way? No, jeans do self-regulate, especially if you're using them as jizz towels. So I only wash jeans if I get like a stain on them or like a bit of food on them or something or mud They clean themselves you to wash yourself then no they clean themselves of James Right, it's like when that's why all surgeons wear denim. It's like dreadlocks. It's very accidentally just googled. Should you wash genus? Jermaine Jermaine?

Jermaine, yeah. Go on. There you go. No jeans shouldn't be washed? No, yeah, just not frequently. Yeah, but everyone knows that. No, jeans aren't like dreadlocks though. I also don't wear jeans very often, so you know.

Every 10 wears apparently. Do you wash your jeans every time you wear them? No, no one does that. But sometimes if they've had a busy little fucking shift, some jeans, you know, gig or you've been to a festival, they're getting washed aren't they? Yeah, they're wearing jeans. What about for a flight? What after you've done a long haul flight? Going to Glastonbury, I've got my jeans on. A country festival, you're not telling me there's denim there. If you go to a country

gig, you're wearing some denim. You're not wearing your fucking Monterex like shorty shorts. I'm going to Zach Brian. In denim. Don't you lie to me. You think I'm wearing jeans this Saturday to go to Zach Brian in Hype? I don't know. There'll be some denim on it. If I go and see country, I have to wash my denim because I'm so excited. I piss myself. You know what I mean? Oh God, it's not even saying because we've got the air. We've got the whole year and you're that excited for us. So you can't

even take the piss out of country anymore because you fucking love it. It's excited for day drinking. Just the country's there. No, it is really, it is a good day. I mean, I do. I'm excited. We're all going to be there. He's just two years behind me, but he's a golf and country fan now, mate. Yeah. And I'm going to buy a house in two years. Finn's not going to be there. No, go on. Because he's dead. Oh, I thought you meant in two years. Oh, he's got an oasis that is allowed. Although I am debating coming back to that. Oh, oasis from before. Oh, I'm hard if, yeah. Can I ask a question? Any denim at Oasis?

No, none for me. Oh, okay. What pants are you wearing? They're all wearing fucking Max, aren't they? They're all wearing fucking cagools. Nothing else. Does Liam Gallagher wear jeans? Yeah.

Okay. I've got me cagool on. Why are you asking him whether Liam Gallagher wear jeans? Yeah. Okay. He wears jeans. I've got me cagool on. Are you asking him whether Liam Gallagher wears jeans? I can't ask Liam. He's the best thing. You do know whether that person wears jeans. Yeah. I know a lot of Liam's outfits. I can tell you what gig they're from. Oh god. All the bad ones. Like that Glastonbury 2004 shock. Oh, the thing, the white, the white Parker. Oh, zero four. Oh, I actually do know that. Like the Stoutland one. Huh? Like a Stuntenheim Stuntenheim. It's a blam. It's like a wax. Was he wearing jeans when he did crystal meth? Oh, good question. Not a good question. Not a good question. Yeah. The whiskey go go. Not in 94. Oh, you're famous jeans. Famous jeans. Let's do some, by the way. Let's not. Sorry. You don't get

enough shit for how much of a gimp you are. You're going to have to preface that with about a way in the context of Oasis. It is pathetic. Yeah. Yeah. I'm aware of it. I'm open. I'm open. I grow out of it. What's the old middle name? I don't think, I don't think he's got one. Oh, no, wait. Is he Paul? No. Is he Paul? He might be an old Paul. I know Liam's William John. No, William John Paul Gallagher is his name. I was named after the Beatles. After the Beatles or the Pope. His mom's dead religious. Um, yeah, I was going to middle name and you didn't know Thomas David. I did actually know that. I know if someone tells me. Yeah, no, I just, I did know that by the way from when you asked me

PSA. I'm doing this now. Uh, if anyone gets any spares, just give me a shout on Instagram. I'll buy them off. Tickets that are worth a million pounds. They're not worth a million pounds. They're going for face value. You just got to be quick. But If anyone gets any spares, just give me a shout on Instagram. I'll buy them off you. What, they're tickets that are worth a million pounds? They're not worth a million pounds. They're going for face value. You just got to be quick. But if anyone gets a spare for pretty much any gig, I'll go if it's face value. Are you going to try and go to as many as you can? Yeah, I'm going to bankrupt myself. Fuck it. Why not? I'll go on my own. I don't care. I'd go on my own if I was a big fan.

Just to see the outfits. What is jeans? I mean, I am excited for what he's going to wear for the first one. Yeah. Just to see the outfits. What is James? I mean, I am excited for what he's going to wear for the first one. Oh, is he going to wear a white Parker? Like who knows? Who knows? Fucking Parker on me. Look at me. My kagool and my Adidas gazelles. I'm Liam Gallagher. I mean the Adidas stuff they just released is pretty fit. If you're into Adidas and Oasis, yeah. No, it is nice as well.

It stinks of Manchester though. And I love Manchester, but it is the most man clock and clothes I've ever seen in me life. Yeah, but I got the coolest thing. I actually do think, I thought about getting the zip up at Red, the Maroon Adidas one. I can't believe Adidas get so much shit in Liverpool.

Some good stuff. You make all 40 boots. No, do you know what it is? They make great stuff and everyone is dead excited that they're now making Liverpool's kit again for this season. We're back with Adidas. It just, you know, like how some brands are just like associated with a certain city. Right. Like for me, Fred Perry is quite London. I think my ass is a monk. Fred Perry is quite London. I think my ass is Mank. Fred Perry is like pretty gay.

It's quite mod to me and that's London and certain parts of Manchester. But then like Ben Sherman is London. Do you know what I mean? I've got Adidas on now. Yeah. Adidas Essentials is that good? The Adidas originals is I really associate that with Manchester. But if they came and said, look, we want to do a collab between Have A Word and Adidas.

Collab. Thing is though, Liverpool in the 80s were Adidas, with that badge as well. And in the early 90s. Are you asking, would we sign up to do a collab with Adidas? That'd be fucking great. It would be great then, yeah. We've been asked by an admiral. And we have. Did we? Admiral want to make a collab with the Divas. That'd be fucking great. It would be great then, yeah. You'd be asked by an admiral. Yeah. And we have. Did we? Admiral, wanna make a photo kit with us? What town's admiral? What town? Plymouth. I like it. Yeah, I'd

do any brand sponsorship like that. Gola. I'll wear Gola for the rest of my life, mate. That's not true. If they're paying the big bucks. All Gola are paying the big bucks. Have you got to design your own clothes? Gola? I tell you what, Castor, the thing that's in the Gola sphere that I would love to do it with is Fila. Yeah, Fila's got some cool stuff. I used to only wear Fila stuff. Alessi? What about Henleys?

Henleys? Henleys? That's so man, so London, it hurts. Wait, that's not the one I'm thinking of. What's the one beginning with H that's like really chavvy? Hugo Boss? No. I forgot what it's called. It's not Henleys. But I do a collab with most brands. There's some that you wouldn't know. Um, Lonsdale. Yeah. It's las and yeah. Yeah. It's las and yeah. Sergio Ticini. I do that. Look, I'll export. If that'd be quite cool. I don't mind. I don't mind. And they're like, no, look, we're going to do some questions. Where a collab. I heard it.

James Saks says I saw that the Hungarians are worried about their dwindling birth rate. So they're trying to encourage people to have more kids by reducing income tax to zero for life. Once you've had four children, surely Dan would pop out another couple of kids to reduce that massive tax bill, especially now he's earning more. Would you all be tempted by such an offer? Do I have to have them all with the same woman or can I just go and fuck four women now

and pregnant the morning and go back to dinner? Your CPW's up. Yeah, do I have to raise the children? Or do I just have to, do I have to raise the children? Then you could just like donate your sperm to a sperm bank. Yeah. Yeah. No, that's, I don't think that counts. I think you'd like with this, you'd have to do the fucking yourself. A lot of countries do this. Japan have a tax break when you get married because they want people to get together to have kids. That's just like, So how much, how much are we talking there? I don't know. I just remember it's a tax break.

It's a bit of an incentive. But it's a tax break. It's a bit of an incentive. I see it all but it's a tax break if you get married because then they're like when you get my job kids and that because every single nation's population has been the one all of them. Yeah. Isn't that good? No part from like, Oh, yeah, obviously what happens is the pension though old people get fucked because young people fill a pension pot Which the old people have and if there's no young people old people are fucked good And I am all for it. Yeah, I'd if if this got offered up now we'd be in Trouble because Laura's got her tubes tied, but I'm sure you could you know, just fucking Untie the tubes. Zero income tax for life.

Four kids though. Yeah, but he's halfway there. Yeah, but the Nazis used to have ribbons for five. Ribbons? Yeah, people used to do it just for medals. I wouldn't do it for ribbons. No. What about a Nazi ribbon though?

I just make me own ribbon. No, still. Where are the German top while you're doing this by the way? Call me a patriot. I wouldn't do it. Four kids is too many kids. All right. Three quid. Three quid. Three quid. No. Three kids you get 10 percent flat tax for life. No. But then when you get to three you may as well do four. Yeah. I'd do the four. It's either none or four. So much fucking incentive. But the money you save in the next four and a half years mate. She's going to be anyway. The money you save on the kids. What? The money you save on your taxes spending on the kids.

That's a good point. Four kids is expensive. That there's no way that the tax of a zero income tax for life, you think having two extra kids, it eats that up. Four kids. I haven't. I'm saying, but you're already going to have two. So just add the two on. Can you force twins? You can design your baby.

Force twins. Like can you like, what you want to do do to twins? To exist? To dance? You can have designer babies. I don't know if you can have like, Yeah, but can they make your baby two babies? Because then would you do it all in one go? Would they go, ah, we're going to make those four babies? Yeah. And you have quadruplets.

That level of insanity. I think the ladies appreciate that more if they could just get all four out the way. No, but have you seen a stomach of someone who has like triplets inside them? Oh mate. Laura's family have got a history of having twins and she was like sort of going, well maybe it'll be twins. You're like insane that you would want that. It's not twice as hard though because they look after themselves like dogs. Oh yeah, they famously look after themselves. Two month old babies are like, yeah, shut up lad, you go to sleep. I'll go to sleep.

Oh, don't shit now. I'd rather get the four out of the way. And the women would rather get the four out of the way, they only have to carry one pregnancy then. And the first one obviously is gonna still damage your pussy, but the other three can just climb out there. Yeah, they'll move or help me. Like a log flue.

There's a photo at the end. All women, it's great that we speak for women. All women want four kids at a time. No, what I'm saying... Oh, I wish I could have a fucking... It's like if you've got five cans of beer, you want to knock them out in one go. Hot hair balloon of a stomach. You understand, no, Pussies.

I love saying it. Talk me through it. Talk me through it. So... Talk me through it. Once you through it. So... Talk me through it. Oh. Once you pop, you can't stop. You know what, you know what, there's an entrance, there's an exit.

No. Right. Would you rather... Let's say you had a big massive house and you bought four couches, right? Would you rather them all arrive at once and have to take the window out once to get them in or have to take your window out four or seven times? Do all four couches shit themselves? It's just an insight into Adam's mind.

And he's like, right, I need an analogy and everyone needs four couches. So you bought four couches. Think about it, right? The woman's got a baby, you know? First of all, if they have four at once, the baby's a little bit smaller when they come out because there's only a finite amount of space in the deep pussy for the kids to grab.

The word deep pussy. Fucking hell, your deep pussies, you're really showing. Thank you. Yeah. Six months. Deep pussy. So do you think she would rather push her baby through her pussy lips, right? And then have it go back to being, you know, vaguely the same and then have to do it again and again.

Doesn't it become your ass? It's the same but vaguely. Doesn't it become your asshole for a bit? Johnny's been to war. It can do. I have either becomes one big asshole. That's one hit they've got big Irish heads. The mums.

Both. I either becomes one big. Lully. Surely four is harder. No, no, it's easier. You know, because of the couches. Tell that to your wife while she's crying. It's quadruplets. No, no, think about it. The window cost money to get taken out.

Don't it? Shut up, cryer. I have a mate who was a twin, and she ate her twin in the womb. I know. Came out bigger. Classic Wigan. Yeah.

LAUGHTER You heard about that fella, what reminds me of a woman. Um... LAUGHTER It's got to be real. LAUGHTER She, er...

She got born, grew up a bit and then was like, I've got like a fucking stomach ache man. It was bad. And they checked and she was actually, or he was actually a twin and the older baby was growing inside her, but it had been like 20 years or so. It's just a dead 20 year old. Yeah. Like part of the ship, part of the crew. She thought she was just hearing voices. Okay now I've got the rough end of the deal here. No, you've got your 20. No, can someone Google that? I ate my dead twin. No, not the eating. She didn't eat them. It was like a medical malfunction and a twin was growing in it. Like Siamese twins but like. Yeah, Siamese but on the inside.

Have you seen that conjoined twin where one of them hits a vape and the other one blows out? Sick. What happens if one dies? Dream. What happens if one of the conjoined twins dies? Well the other one's definitely going to the funeral. I don't want to die! You do.

I'm pretty sure they both died. Don't they? No, apparently it's how quick you can get to the hospital for them to separate. Just genuinely. Yeah. It's going to affect how they vape. It is a thing. A parasitic twin.

Mad. Like Voldemort on the back of his Quirrell's head. His belly. Voldemort you back here. His belly. Of all the more, you know, obvious. By the way, if you're remotely into Harry Potter, like at all, there's a lad who does a TikTok and Instagram Reels called Matt Bentley. And it's essentially him finding plot holes

and things that don't quite make sense within the world of Harry Potter. And honestly, the amount of times I've just binged like 20 of his videos in one go. And every now and then I'll just send one of them to Carl. One of the really recent ones is about Professor Quiddles turning up for the New Year Hogwarts with tape and all.

And then from being like, you know, we all know you've got Voldemort the fucking head. It is fucking head. It is fucking hilarious. It's a go, go on. If you didn't tell you part of the talk, just go and watch all of my bent. These videos cause they fucking kill me man. So many great people. I just love them. And there's a really sad one that he done the other day and I seen it like nine o'clock in the morning. I was like, Jesus Christ. I'll show you it in a minute. Like, like really like cause obviously he's an actor as well, Matt. It's a really like bleak sort of look

at the future of Harry Potter. It fucking class. Talking about sad internet. Has anyone seen Will Smith trying to promote his new song? I've seen his new song. He's having a full on breakdown. If you speed the song up, it's a banger. If you slow it down, it's a banger. Someone said it's just a tempo issue and they're so right. Is it? No, yeah. Honestly, it's also a perception issue, isn't it? Cause he just doesn't suit what he's trying to do anymore. He looks really, really sad. He's trying to rescue his career when he slapped Chris Rock.

I think, but have you seen him in interviews and stuff? No. It's, it's so like disingenuous and stuff. Like he's getting asked about like slapping Chris Rock and he's like yeah man you know like oh everyone's seeing me lose my shit man oh it's awful like I've got to handle it like yeah you know it is what it is like sometimes you have to shut like it's really odd it's like he's not a person. He wants everyone to stop asking him, but he can't. It's such a weird thing to see like, because like, I mean, obviously none of us are psychiatrists

here as much as I think I might be. He's very, very clearly having a very, very, very bad time mentally. Like, and he's also surrounded by people who are going, yeah, well we'll do that. Yeah, that's cool. Let's do this. And it's so strange to see. Cause think about who Will Smith is. Yeah, he's one of the most lovable people in that world.

He's one of the most successful people ever. Like comedy sitcom, one of the biggest sitcoms of all time. As a kid. Yeah. Then music, like think about his early music, still bangers to this day. Then he goes on to do comedy films, like Bad Boys fucking hitch and shit like that that I love. Like then he's in like really serious roles like Mohammed Ali and I have seven pounds and won an Oscar

didn't it? Like there's that night he was nominated for Ali won it for little Richard. Yeah. Serena Williams is that little Richard. No King Richard. Little Richard. Yeah, I love his Serena Williams as dad. Little Richard? No, King Richard. Little Richard, man. I just love him. It's so strange to see what's gone on there. Yeah, if I honestly go and watch the interviews of him promoting this new music and then... Where is he in London? Is he at King's Cross? Where he's on the street. It looks like it's in London, doesn't it? I've seen that. And he starts doing the new song and everyone's like, no, I'm not feeling it. It's, and who went, yeah, we'll put that out. Oh God, it's, I want to. Speed it up and it's a rammer.

Right, I'll try it. But at the tempo it's like. But it's still him though, isn't it? And that's, that he gives me the. I can't believe he's become an ick when he was one of the most cool, lovable people in the world, wasn't he? Like he was me that. I can't believe he's become an ick when he was one of the most cool, lovable people in the world, wasn't he? Like he was such like- Just think about what's happened to him on a global scale.

Like imagine how many, how much hate he's got since then. Think about how many like things he must see about himself. This is what people don't really consider about like social media. And I've spoke to you a couple of times recently about like when anyone I see gets hate or when we get a bit of hate or I get a bit of hate

for whatever, it does affect you. And the people I know personally who get a bit of it and myself occasionally like for a tweet or whatever, it's on a quite a relatively small scale. Everybody in the world, everyone was talking about him being a fucking bellend and insensitive and rattled for slapping Chris Rock. And they all think it's because his wife essentially

like cooks him. Like she's very clearly had relationships with other men. She's talked about it publicly, made him talk about it publicly, like under duress. Everyone has this like opinion of him as like this weak fucking man who is weak in a sense that he's let his wife cheat on him and took her back because he feels like he can't do any better.

And then to defend her after she's done that to him, he's made himself look like the biggest motion sensitive video, the biggest sensitive video on the planet by slapping someone for making a joke. Imagine knowing what everyone thought about that. And then trying to release music and be back in the public space again. Like I can't imagine what the inside of his head. The comments on the videos are, ah, there's like one person going, whoa, he knows how to make a summer banger. And then everyone else like, no, he fucking doesn't.

He can't get back though. We can come back. Well, yeah, bad boys did quite well. I don't think he's finished forever. Like he can't come back. He just needs to make good shit again. Everyone's like, all right, that was mad, but you know, we'll move on. Yeah. Like he can't come back. He just needs to make good shit again. Everyone's like, all right That was mad. But you know, we'll move on. Yeah music was probably a misstep

Yeah, but he can get back into his he is the law. But he just made a mistake. He's got to go And do a lot of work In the darkness before he comes back out publicly after this like honestly lad, i'll show you that in the in the break the interviews when he's on radio, like when you've seen someone talk normally before and then no longer talking normally, it is so obvious and jarring. So like if you watch old interviews

when he's on Graham Norton and he's having a fucking laugh and he's being Will Smith and he's normal, compare that with how he's talking now. He's having a mental breakdown. Kids are lizard as well. He's a carpenter, he makes beds for his friends. Does he? But all of that says he's having a really bad time. And on top of all of that, music, slap someone, his wife makes him look like a cunt. And just to add to that, your kids are lizards. Jaden's a lizard. Lovely hats though. You can't take that away from me. Yeah, you mean you can't can you? Because it looks like I wanted ours. Oh shit, yeah that one. Yeah that's funny. Um, all right, well let's have a break.

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It's then soft, it's lovely. I like the collar, it's nice and high. It's just dirt nice. Yeah and obviously when I wear t-shirts and obviously... You're going to rip it all in that. I know. Obviously when I'm sat naturally like this, I really like the old lats and traps being shown off. And that's where true classic comes in. It's not just a bog stander t-shirt that you get down the shops that doesn't fit you properly. It accentuates all the manly bits, all the good bits that people who want to touch you go, mmm, that's nice. But it also hides the flubbly bits.

They are great and they're genuinely dead comfy as well. Flubbly. Flubbly. Flubbly bits. It's. Yeah, it's you know. Flubbly boots. It's not an actual word but everyone knew what I meant. I don't mean flubbly. Just look at them.

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no CS dot CA and participating retailers. Oh, Hey, do you know any riddles? Danny Mac's here. Danny Mac's here. You love a fucking riddle, don't you? Love them. You love a riddle. I got like a,

like other like social media accounts clip up our old episodes. And there's a, an old one of you doing the rounds at the minute where we're giving you riddles and you're just losing your tiny little mind. I time to stop being a child. Whenever it's a riddle, I always think like, just say time. The answer is always like time. Or table.

Or four legs, but I can't run. Table. Or a towel. It's like in a pub quiz, the answer is always either Shirley Bassey or Yorda Guay. Do you want the first ever World Cup? Is that a riddle? That's linked to that question that's funny is who was the first American to miss a penalty at the World Cup finals. Diana Ross. Yeah that's how that so that's sort of though. Diana Ross. Yeah. That's how that, so that sort of or Jackson, depending on what day I remembered it on the goal exploded anyway. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Just fell down anyway. BBC three factor. Yeah. Like those shows that used to be like the hundred greatest world

cup moments. Yes. Loved them. They need to bring them back in like some sort of like digital form because obviously on YouTube. Yeah. But like new ones. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, yeah. This is the, the level like new ones. Yeah, yeah. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I'd love to try that. This is the level of ambition I have in my career. Like when I started. Saying that you're on one of them. That's all I wanted to do in comedy.

Smell the cheese. Yeah, the smell of cheese. Smell the cheese. All I wanted to do was just do them talking head shows. I absolutely love them. Yeah, they're the best. I love them. What one were you on?

It was 2013. Most amazing moments on. I love them. What one were you on? It was 2013. Most amazing moment on the tarot. I just remember it was when Miley Cyrus was twerking because I just pop up and I'm like, with a tongue out, that look like me now, I'm trying to thread a needle. And then it just cuts off. I think I'm on it for like 13.

I remember you smelling cheese. And I've got a wine coloured, Lyle and Scott cable knit sweater on. I remember it. Yeah. Did you see the piss out of your loads for it? Did you? To your face. Oh.

The smell of cheese. It's not behind your back. I was like, I thought we were friends. That's a sick joke that. You know, I did that recently. It's like one of the first jokes I ever did. And there was a dude with one arm in a gig. So I just thought I'll bring this back. And it's, it's a sick joke. I refer, I remember it correctly.

No, I'm not doing that. I'm not coming on here to do my old jokes. Like, cause I feel like I'm in a green room doing bits and I don't, I don't like it's, but you're not in the green room and you're not doing bits. So what's the joke? It's just about my granddad used to do smell of cheese, but he only had one arm. That's the joke. So what's the joke? I would be doing bits. It's just about how my granddad used to do smell of cheese, but he only had one arm. That's the joke. So he didn't have the, he just had the cheese. It was just him punching me in the face. And then the punchline was, um, I got my own back. I took him to a pub that only had push taps in the toilets. It was just really funny watching him try and wash his hands. It's very, very, very early stand up first thought like the first ever Joker

wrote which was like why the deaf people look so tired because they have to stay up so late to watch the telly. I remember that. Like when you have your first your first thoughts in it and you go oh. I love the the the roots of that joke as well is that they they don't just get up early to watch it. No they stay up. They're not. They're like you go to bed and he's like no Hollyoaks is only four hours. 10% of the broadcasts have to be in sign language that's why they put them at that time of the

morning. Tom Scott taught me that. Who told you that? Tom Scott. Who's that? YouTuber. Oh right. Goat. Why why does he just do it at four o'clock in the afternoon? Because it's, it's, it's annoying in it. Just make it an option. Little red button option it should be these days. That's what it should be, yeah. Yeah. You should have audio and visual options at all times. Maybe you have. I don't watch Italian anymore. I think they do on like iPlayer now. Do they?

I think you can like turn on. I think they should do full shows for deaf people. Where every, like the whole show's in sign language, all the actors are doing it. That'd be fairer wouldn't it? Give them a show. Imagine if you watched it and you're like, wow, this sign language is mad and it was just like Kung Fu. You know, if they do a combat film. You've seen that film for deaf people, Crouching

Tiger Hiddens, I'm going, it's fucking racist. What did he just sign? What did he sign, Eric? What did he just sign? What, he signs with his feet? There should be like a show for everyone. There should be that one. There should be one for like people who are passionate and where it's loud. They're like the lowest it goes, like, ah,

know what I mean? A show for blind people where We're audio descriptor. Yeah, but just more equality. Very nice. What's the problem? What are people? What's the other senses? Taste, taste, taste. Yeah. You don't taste the telly do you? Well some people do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tastes like fizzy water. That's what I say. Fizzy water tastes like telly static. Yeah, that was, I did a little reversey on it. Well done. Stop doing bits of the game. You've never got on board with the sparkling water, have you? You've never matured so that.

It tastes like paracetamol. Love it. Absolutely love it, me. Do you love it or do you love it? Would you drink it in your house with Norman Air? Yeah, I've got, not only do I buy Fizzy Wizzy from Costco, but I also have a soda stream that I just make if I can't... Shut up.

Without the... Oh no. What? You just carbonate your water. Yeah. What's wrong with that? Like it ain't no thang. But it's not, it's a good alternative to fizzy drinks and there's no badness for you. I think it's better than water. Like still water me. Think I can't drink water?

I can do it, I just don't like it. I can't physically do it. I had to do it. I had to do it. He doesn't brush his teeth with water. Big problem with going the dentist is the swill. I had to be a big brave boy and be like, do you want water? I was like, yeah. Isn't that special war at the dentist? Yeah. It's like, I think they've told you that it was just water for me. No, I think they had to stop that. The pink water.

Yeah. Yeah. I think they just water was enough. I think they had to stop it for some reason. Pink water. I always say it like the bird from watershed down when it says big water. Um, pink water. Yeah.

They had to also it's, I don't like that. That's why I don't. When you, yeah, cause your mouth's dead. You're like a monster in the car. That's the fact that you've had an injection in your face. It is quite viscous though. It is a viscous water. I think it's more viscous. I think it is more viscous. Even if I just get a clean, when they tell me to like rinse out, it's a bit like gooey. Yeah. Finn can, he's got the little really saturated squashes that you can get out of the bottles. Finn's got one on his person at all times.

Oh, the little that you can put on your key ring. Have you got one now? Yeah, it's in my bag. He's always got one with him in case. In case someone gives him water and forces him. If he gets water boarded, he'll have to put black cuddles in him. No he wouldn't even have to do it. They just go, hey, Buxton, nah nah nah. I'll tell you everything. Thinking about, sorry, I've just had a thought because we were talking about recycling before. Dentists haven't had to, plastic cups still. Oh yeah.

How many dentists in every city like are using plastic cups? I reckon if we make them use paper, we could have the straws back. I think we should just have the straws back, you know. I've said this a million times now. We should just be, it hasn't worked. We tried it and it hasn't worked.

You can keep them. I think when someone gets like a Diet Coke or a Fanta or whatever in like Mackeys or whatever, it can be like, you can keep them. I think when someone gets like a Diet Coke or a Fanta or whatever in like Mackeys or whatever, it can be like, do you know what? Is two paper straws. The first one will fuck up before the end of it. Put the other one in, it is what it is.

If you get a milkshake, you should get a plastic one. Yeah, my issue, and I know it's like, it's been said before loads and it's hack, but I still haven't had an explanation. So I will still talk about it. Why isn't the thing on top of the cup cardboard and the straw plastic? Why is it okay for the plastic thing to still be on the top of the cup, but the straw be

cardboard? So the argument I think they'll give you is the reason they stopped the straws is that they were ending up up a turtle's nose and I don't think you can get a look at a turtle's nose. They're all cokeheads. All sea life is a cokehead. One fucking turtle had a straw up his nose. Like show me a bigger sample size.

If I'm walking around and all I'm seeing is just pure turtles with straws up their nose, then fair enough on the street. Yeah Exactly. Also what's wrong with a turtle having a straw up his nose he can still breathe Snorkel in it. Yeah, he looks cool. Looks like he's got like looks like a walrus. And that's what turtles want I feel fucking stupid with this. You else. She's like a war. You need to, if you go to all the countries with bigger populations, they still use plastic straws. They don't give a fuck. That's the thing.

So then why do we give a fuck? There's less of us. It's a great argument. Yeah. You go to any country in Asia and they're still using plastic straws. And America, any like red States in America is like my freedom. My straws suck my balls. Like California's paper straws. I think like even Nashville, like everywhere's plastic. It's like, they can't take guns off them.

They're not going to be able to take straws off them. Like if you can't convince them that guns are dangerous, you're not going to convince them that straws are dangerous. But that is the answer though. It's cause they can go up the nose. Whereas the lids just that's just a little turtles. Yeah Yeah, they get a little sick hats. They just pop them on like, yeah. Little sombreros. Yeah. Yeah.

So I think that's the answer. Right. I know it's not necessarily a satisfying one, but I think that is it. Genuinely, I think that's tarnished Attenborough's legacy. That I think less of him now. Why? Cause of the straws.

Was it him? I think it was him. Feels like it was him. Like Jamie Oliver was the Butties. Yeah and the Twizzlers. Was it definitely him or did you just think nature David Attenborough? Maybe. Like I think dinosaurs Richard Attenborough. But yeah. Are they related? Yeah. Very related yeah. What do you mean, very related? They fucking... No, because that wouldn't be... Are you related to your bird? Brothers. They're brothers.

They're brothers. Are they really, yeah? One did dinosaurs and one did penguins. One went, lad, you do them. I'll do the old ones, you do the new ones. See you in the middle, lad. There's a younger brother that does robots. Just following a rum around the museum. Basically that picture where it's like the,

you know, men where it starts off with like homo sapien or whatever and it gets like that. There's a gap between those two syllables. There's a, there's an Attenborough assigned to each one. So hang on. So you're blatant. the point, was he there? Saying that he's the foremost voice for the nature, didn't he? He's like, well he could have come out, even if it wasn't him, he could have come out and went, nah, don't worry about that. And we all would have gone, Attenborough says it's sound. That would be a mad stance for Attenborough to take. I'd love it. If all the nature people were like, we've got to sort out these straws, he was like, nah, allow it. I get milkshakes all the time. The thing is David, right, don't

be getting me involved with that one turtle with the straw when you've watched a fucking small wildebeest get ripped to shreds by four lions and not even done that or anything to try and get rid of the... But isn't his whole point that that is part of nature and straws, potatoes, noses are? We are nature. Yeah, and we like diet coke. And we make the straws. What we need is one picture of David Attenborough having a plastic straw drink.

And then it's all in the bin. Sticking a straw over turtles nose. Do you reckon there's any animals he eats and he's watching them like fucking, I hope you get it. He says he hates people. He's got to say that hasn't he? Actually you as well though. I don't hate people, I hate lots of people. I don't eat them as a whole. What do you reckon? I reckon he doesn't fuck with sloths. I reckon it's too many SD cards trying to catch the sloths

doing stuff. Yeah, to get two minutes of interesting screen time, they've got to be there for three months. Yeah, too much sloth. He's like, nah, we haven't got the megabytes. If they moved fast, they would be the scariest animal on the planet. There's two like a 28 days later sloth. Yeah. If they move fast, we're fucked. It's a good job. They move slow. Nature's done right there. His camera crew got involved in something recently for the first time ever. They couldn't watch. There was these penguins that were like falling down a hill and they like built them a little ramp and they shouldn't. It's a weird. Yeah. You can't. So they're not stopping another creature eating. No theory. They're not like, they're not fucking

with the hunt. They're just going guard these. But is it penguins? Yeah. They're like, this was like hundreds of penguins that were just like slight, but I think they were just having a nice time. Oh yeah. It was just ruined this slide. Yeah. It just built, it just built them a little ramp. Yeah. Like you don't say even I am. It was on the health and safety now. I'm reporting yellow, yellow floor slip signs down for the penguins. He's not the voice of nature though anymore, is he? Cause he's, he's aging out of it. Cause I'm not exaggerating. He's 96 years old. He's older than he is. They're trying.'s taking over. He's 99, isn't he? They're trying. They're trying.

Who's the new guy? Is it Clarkson? Tom Hanks has just done the Americas. Oh wow. And it works. Like Tom Hanks has got that patriarchal. You sort of trust him. Who'd be some other good voices though? Clarkson.

What? Clarkson hates nature. That's why it'd be funny. Not enough straws! Yeah! Just the polar bears can stay! Just driving his Range Rover through fucking Antarctica. I don't know, British ones? Stephen Fry?

Will they get Brian Cox on it? Or is he just space? Oh, blessed! No, he's scared all the animals off. Brian blessed. Carl, he doesn't do it live. He's not there going, there is a penguin. Atomber was though.

Atomber used to. Have you seen the penguin? No, I haven't. I haven't. I haven't. I haven't. I haven't. I haven't. I haven't. I haven't. I haven doesn't do it live. He's not there going.

There is a penguin. Attenborough was though. If he's scoundry. Attenborough used to be there. Yeah, I mean nowadays. Yeah, he just does it all in the studio, doesn't he? But he still does go, doesn't he? He's still there with the cameras.

Can we get an age check on David Attenborough? Is he 99? Yeah, he's 100. Do you reckon the King's gonna have to rise before them? Correct, next year. He's eighth of May next year. 100. He better get there, that'd be dead sad. Nah, I sort of don't want it.

Really, yeah. Just, it's just funny, innit? Do you reckon he's getting a state funeral? Ooh, state funeral? He probably will, you know. What the fuck? They gave Patcher one. They gave him a state funeral.

Patch a one. And just let out the zoo for the day and have him walk down Palmao. I reckon he deserves a state funeral. He'd be like Bedknobs and Brewstix. Like the footy match. It all ended up in a big arc. There's an ostrich on the coffee. He films penguins.

At the most reductive level he films penguins. At the most reductive level, he films penguins. Yeah, that's all. In fact, he doesn't even do that. He tells someone what penguins to film and then looks at it and goes, oh yeah, there's penguins having a scram. But he doesn't even do that. He just turns up and they go, look, we've decided which penguin, we filmed it. Now just go, there's a penguin. Mind the fact you've got to stay funeral.

Yeah, because if you are a proper Tory, as a lot of people who run the country and make the decisions are, she is massive to them, isn't she? Like we all like to say, we're all glad she's a big pile of ash. She is. But like she got to stay funeral

because to the conservatives, she did a good job. Is it just all prime ministers? Yeah, don't you just get one if you were prime minister anyway? I'll do you, yeah. Truff says he'll get him. Truff says he'll get him. Truff says he'll get him.

Truff says he'll get him. Oh man. How long were you in power? Like that or not? She did 10 years. Truff's gonna stay buffy. Yeah. Does that mean?

Truff's another country. And it'll be that lettuce on the butties that outlasted her. That's true. Josh, is there anybody alive who's not a politician who gets to stay funeral? Is that not a thing? To be fair, if Attenborough's not getting one, I would really struggle to see someone like this. Double funeral?

What do you know? Just death actually. Did they take away? Imagine if they accidentally buried him on the wrong side. And then for eternity, they've just got to be on the wrong side. That would... Fair lies, Dechanand. Is there nobody? Surely, at least, I'm not sure. and then for eternity they've just got to be on the wrong side. Is there nobody? Surely I think Adam will get one personally. What four? What do you mean what four? He's made a few videos.

I've seen Gareth Southgate's A Knight of the Realm now as well. Which is maddening. Southgate's not getting a state funeral. Nobody's A Knight nice the realm now. Here's an Attenborough question. Is there anyone that would make more people sad if he was on the file? Yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. He's whenever we've done nonsense, you don't want to see out outed. He's like, we've almost had to start ignoring him as an option. Can we reverse there? Cause that makes it sound like he's an answer and you just don't want people to know. I do. If he's an answer, just keep it quiet. Bob Mortimer. Oh yeah, that's a good one. Yeah. He's so universally loved. Mine's Sir Alex Ferguson,

obviously. Yeah, that'd be sad cause he's a proper socialist and he loves the people. So I'll be gutted there too. I don't think Adam would be quite as good. No, I don't think so. I reckon if you're gonna love Alex Ferguson regardless of... I don't have to. I respect him. I don't have to love him. If that came out, I'd be happy. I respect him, but if he's a nant. Yeah, no, that's what you want. And if it turned if it turned out that like Suarez was racist, like, oh.

You'd be made up. But it's actually just a huge cultural divide. I reckon Atham is getting one and he's probably the only one living now who gets one as well. There's gotta be animals in it though. No, what about them? It just can't be all the generals like,

cause that's all it is. The state funerals are just Tories in the fucking pajamas. Yeah. You have an elephant, canny in the coffin. 100%. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And suits, gotta be suits. Yeah.

You got to suit them up. The animals in suits. Yeah, little bow ties and the dogs and the dogs. Did he do dogs? That's why you just invite penguins. They're already dressed. When did that ever do dogs? He's done dogs at some dressed. Was it like us trying to do a patron special that we just need to bank one here lads in the park is a dog.

The thing is though, like they they've probably got him on AI, like they don't need to get rid of Attenborough's voice off the, he's got that much voice. They could just AI him now for the forever more for the doc, for the documentaries. Yeah. They could just AI him now forever more for the documentaries. They don't need Chris Packham. He must be gutted him. Oh, he's not. From the Really Wild Show with Terry Nutkins and Michaela Strachan. Oh, Michaela Strachan.

She was good. Terry Nutkins had his finger bitten off by a squirrel. Otter. Oh, is it an otter? Ah, what type? A sea otter. I wanted to be a sea otter. Have you seen the giant otters at Chester Zoo though?

Have I seen them? Best fucking bit, mate. I remember your bit about otters. It was great. I always, whenever I see the otters, I was like, I'm going to an otter cafe next month. I love them. I'm going to an otter cafe next month. What? In Tokyo, yeah. Otter cafe. But you know what otter means means? Auto is also like a

specification of, you know, like bear and cub. Yeah. There's otters. I'm going to an auto cafe. You're going to a gay bar. You're going to a gay bar. Yeah. No, I'm going to a cafe where there's otters. Yeah. It's not a gay man. That's what it is. Was that a real thing? I didn't know that. Who's an otter? What does otter mean? Cause I know bear means like Jack and cub means like- A young Jack. Finn. Maybe Steve. Maybe Steve would be an otter.

I don't know. I think I'm the wrong guest for this. Harry's an otter. Harry otter? I think he's a mongoose. Okay. So it's a gay man with a slim to athletic build and a noticeable amount of body hair.

That's me. It's D. Adam, you said a couple of words in there that you think you ignored. I am an otter. Yeah, I'm going to a capabarder one and an otter one. I didn't go to them last time. Hang on, so cat cafes I can see because cats are happy to be in the house. Just chase the cat with the animals.

Yeah, but that's not how it works. Otters can't just be like wandering around the carpet. They need water. If they've got water too, then I'm furious. Where's that in the cafe? I don't know, probably on the side. Oh, it's just in a pond on the side? Yeah.

So they can walk around salmon round, is it? Sorry, sorry. It'd be in the swimming baths then. Imagine that. That would make more sense. That'd be cool. Yeah. If you went to like Warworld in Stoke.

It probably is. That is not just a place you can get a fucking Panini as well. That's it. Yeah. It's just Peter Lloyds with a Panini station. I'll send you pictures. All right, cool. Just be careful of your fingers.

Terry Nutkins. I'll say that to the people who worked there. Can't use a calculator to understand. Oh, yeah. The people of Japan really know Terry Nutkins. It'd be amazing if they were like, if you went in and there's a sign with Terry Nutkins with a circle and a line through it. Oh yeah, the people of Japan really know Terry Nutkins. It'd be amazing if they were like, if you went in and there's a sign with Terry Nutkins with a circle and a line through it,

you'd be like, he's bad. Don't pet the otters. You can't come in. Don't get a Nutkins. What's he bad for? For getting his finger bit off? Oh yeah, he does. He makes the otters look bad.

Do not feed the otters, including your fingers, Terry. It's like the Happy Gilmore at the golfing range. Don't do it, Terry Nutkins. Yeah, I'll'll send you some pictures. I'm going to all my places. The zoo's got the new bit where they're all in together. Oh yeah. But now they're not in together. Oh, why? Well, they've, they've made like a African Sahara sort of, and it's different species in together, but I think they've had to sort of didn't go as well. I think they've had to separate them because animals are really racist. Right. Oh, they're trying to hurt each other. I just don't, I just don't think it went that well. They were meant

to do the African one, but they ended up doing the South African one. What were the animals? All the no, no, not the bitey ones. Jareefs. Jareefs. Zebras. One of the biggest. Yeah. Yeah.

But not, they're not bitey ones are they? They like give you a fuck off. The warty pigs. Were they there? What if they were fucking, imagine if a zebra fucked a giraffe and it made like a big fucking long neck zebra. That'd be clappin'. That's why they had to separate them.

Yeah, that's what it was. Because there's too much fucking. Attenborough got involved. Do you like that bit? That's why they had to separate them. That's what it was. Yeah, that's what it was. Fucking. Attenborough got involved. Do you like that bit? I went round when it just opened and I wasn't, I didn't like it. I mean, it's just interesting, isn't it,

that they're trying different stuff. I think we're lucky that we've got one of the best zoos in Europe on our fucking doorstep. And I'm gonna push for Etta to get a job there. Yeah, it's so good. I really want it. How old is Etta? She's eight.

She's not earning enough. She's nearly nine. She's not earning enough. Someone needs to separate these zebras from the giraffe. She needs to be here tomorrow for your dad's so good. I really wanted to, she's eight. She's nearly nine. She's not eight. Someone needs to separate these zebras from the giraffe. What do you want it to be? Do you want it to go into? I just think it'd be a cool place to work when you're a teenager.

I think it's a decent part-time job, innit? Apparently it's not. Well, that's me for, can you remember that thing? No, but I know someone who, they worked in the car park. So you need to be careful. Cause you think, oh, I'm going to go and work in the zoo. And it's like, woo, big vibes. I'm going to be feeding the monkeys

like bananas or whatever. And then they're like, get in the car park, mate. You might see a crow fly past. I always think that about the animals that don't live in the zoo. You know, you go there and there's a duck. You're like, if I was a duck, I'd live in a zoo. Or she would. Cause you'd just be walking around going, I'm free me. I could leave it. You'll never get this. Yeah, exactly. Or do they have the sense

like if a duck flies over, are they just, is it luck? Cause if they land in the wrong enclosure, that's about afternoon for the duck. I don't think you can land in, oh, I suppose you can in the new, in the snow leopard. Yeah. If I was a bird, I'd be like, I'm trying to go live with the snow leopard for a bit. Yeah. And I just fuck off. If I was a bird, I'd go and watch the match. Why does that? That would be the first thing you do. Are you a human? I got tamed into a bed. Yeah. I am in my head. It's a long flight that. I wonder how long it'd take like a pigeon to get to Wembley.

From where? From where Dan lives. If he gets turned into a bird and he said he'll go and watch the Cup Final. Depends on traffic. Unless he's on about the Chester and District under 15s Cup Final in Upton. Probably. Anemagus. Do you know what Anamagus is? No.

A man who turns into a dog. Like at Will. Anything in it. It's not just a dog. Is it? I thought it was a doggy. No, because McGonagall's in Anamagus. Yeah, so is the wolf one.

Yeah. Yeah, Lupin. Yeah. I'm a hundred percent going bird. Yeah. Would you? If I was in Anamagus, yeah. Really? Well, that's where you could. If I was an Animagus, yeah. Really? So you could fly. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hedodactyl me. What? Not real. Well, they are real. Whoa! Tell you what, Richard Attenborough would be fuming when you were running. I'd be a dog. I'd love that.

Why can't I be a Hedodactyl? Sorry, what? If you were an Animagus, you'd have the power to turn into a dog so you could sit next to your dog. Yeah. No, everyone loves them. Just turn into a dog so you could sit next to your dog. No, everyone loves them. Just be their cute dog. I just wanna do less stuff. But you wanna be a bird with an agent,

you can't like, fuck off. With an agent? You'd be able to have your animagus into a bird and you're like, oh. The issue is I wanna be an animal so more people can love me. I'm happy with my personality as it is. You're gonna turn into a bird and then what?

Bald eagle. Fly somewhere. Absolutely, I'm a bald eagle. Yeah, you'd have to be into a bird and then what? Bald eagle. Fly somewhere. Absolutely I'm a bald eagle. Yeah you'd have to be. Everyone eats bald eagles do they? In the garden yeah? You'd be like, wow fuck off.

The thing is though, why would you be a bald eagle? You could be a bird with more feathers. You could go to the palace game. Yeah you could be a hairy eagle. Yeah that's like him just being a dog so we could chill with his dog. The whole point to be an animal is to get something that you haven't got. Like I've got love. What benefit do you get from big Dicks Eagle? All day and folks are going to go to do that. I know what I'm saying. If you have to take

me into an animal, I'll just do it more. What about not a notter then if you love, would you not want to? I want to, I want to be a pterodactyl by the way that was an animal at one point you would be captured and put in the museum though you'd be shot down this if they found a live pterodactyl now you just let it fly around it'd be shot down have you not seen Godzilla yeah I just wouldn't go down fucking destroy in cities? What cities would you destroy? Japan is safe, I've heard there's an otter cafe. I'd just be a friendly pterodactyl. So you think there's a pterodactyl flying round,

but don't worry, he is friendly and he's not done any Japanese cities in. Leave him alone. You'd be fucking tranquilised in minutes. By who? The government. CIA. I'd just go for that. Do you think they'd just be... Hey, leave him.

Derek's think... We've got some questions about this one, but let him fly. Leave him. But what if I just showed them all that I'm an Animagus? Yeah, Animagus is a little interesting. Leave him. Oh, so you're going to... Oh, it's Adam Magus isn't interested in leaving. Adam Magus, is he? Oh, so you're going to... Oh, it's Adam Rowe. So the pterodactyl flies down and everyone goes,

oh, it's just Liverpool comedian Adam Rowe. It's going to really affect your stand-up. You know, you know, you're bitten out of your eye. You know when you have to address the eye. You are going to have to address the I'm a pterodactyl as well. Oh, mate, that 40 minutes in the Edinburgh show and you turn into a pterodactyl. No-one's done that before. Not easy being a pterodactyl as well. Oh mate, that 40 minutes in the Edinburgh show and you turn into a pterodactyl, no one's done that before.

Not easy being a pterodactyl sometimes. It's really affecting my relationship with my dad. Yeah, if Adam Rowl turns into a pterodactyl, beyond the news, I think, my children would just be like... And we'd all have a clue even before you changed, like is he at Country Day? No, I don't want to be an otter I don't eat fingers. I don't like fish. He's still a fussy eater. He's an animagus he's still a fussy eater.

Do you realise otters that isn't on their like menu fingers? But raw fish is. Well if you're a bird then there's that rules out a lot of birds have chips don't just get down the bins right it's mad that you don't eat like i'm the same like i wouldn't eat fish but i'd try my luck in the bins do you like fish no no you miss no you know what on fish don't like the taste tried it i've tried them all i've tried enough have you yeah you've tried fish and chips from the ship and then wrote it off. Haven't you? Yeah. That's it. I don't know. And I've tried like salmon. No, is it the texture? No, I hate people who say that. It's the taste. I've got fucking

real issues with these pricks, right? It's mushrooms. Yeah, but that's hack. They say it because they think they say it because they think they've got to say it. I've mentioned it loads. It's a massive bugbear of mine. It's the same with the cunts that say they don't like the word moist. It pisses me off. So you think you've got to say it

to keep the conversation going. Just shut up. You've tasted all the fish and gone, don't like them. Do you ever have hake? We'll talk about something else in a minute. We don't have to, you go, oh, I hate that word moist. Why? Have you tried the hake? Hake? Yeah. Yeah. something else in a minute. We don't have to you go away. That word moist. Why have you said hate?

Hake? Yeah. Yeah. I have when? Wedding Hake. Three tears of it. No, I don't know what Hake is. I have probably what I mean is Hake is Hake a mad fish that no, no, but that's what I mean. Does it does it taste like this? It doesn't taste like angel cake. Does it exactly like if there's a fish that tastes like not fish, I would eat it because I see that the benefits I love an Omega three, but has everyone done that thing to you of like, you need to try tuna steak. Yeah. Cause that's well, there's nothing when you look, I don't eat cheese and I would love to eat cheese when I see someone fucking, when I look at Jack's fucking Instagram and he's yamming a raclette, like,

it looks amazing. I eat pizza cheese because it doesn't taste like cheese. It's fucking- Look, it's got tomato on it. Yeah, because it's pizza glue. That's why if it tastes like cheese. When there's a 70% mozzarella, 30% cheddar mix, I don't like it.

Like, I just eat cheese that's on pizza and I eat what's it's and a quaver, but that's it. But they both taste like cheese though. Yeah. But they taste like what's it's what's the cheese that tastes like? What's it's cheddar? Red Lester. Red Lester. Yeah big three, not together. No omelets. Omelets are off tuna. Omelets. I'm just yours. You're like him. Me and Dan are very similar, but he's worse. And only he's only worse, I think, because I, I got a few things in early, earlier than he did that, like me nan had made me. And then that sort of he's got a couple of strange things. We've dragged them along, you know, so we do a regular feature.

We should have we should have really planned for this. Oh, this could have been an immense Dan's versus food. Oh my God. Where we got some hate. Dan versus food, where we make him try something he's never had. He had fish and chips from the Chippy last year. And he was like, oh my God,

I can't believe it's always been this. He went, is this fish? But if I'm honest, I haven't eaten it again because it's just like chicken. So what I do is I eat chicken, which is less fishy than fish. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

It's not unlike chicken. It's white. That's it. It's nothing like chicken. It's as much like chicken as it's like beef bourguignon. What a load of shit. Don't ever say that again in your accent. Bourguignon.

Deep fried breaded chicken is nothing like deep fried breaded cod. Well, first of all, it wasn't breaded. If you have a fish finger, it's not far away from like a tender, but they're not the same. I didn't say they were the same. They're similar though, aren't they? Oh, lads. I'm pretty sure I saw them too, Maz. It's just like chicken. On the episode you go, it's just like chicken, lads, apart from when it doesn't suit me to say it. And it's nothing like beef.

We still say stuff like that to get you to fucking eat it, because otherwise you have your little Dan panic attack and throw up in the bin. I know, but that's what everyone wants. I should have went with Danic attack. But, um... Have you ever had a calamari that was, you thought was an onion ring? Yeah. And it just keeps stretching?

I can still eat... It's fucking horrible. I can still eat prawn toast, because my mate went, it's just prawns in toast. I don't eat prawn toast. No, sorry, he just said it's a seed... He was like, oh, it's just seed prawn toast. Cause my mate went, it's just prawns and toast. I don't eat prawn toast. No, sorry, he just said it's a seed. He was like, oh, it's just seeded toast. And I was pissed.

Well, you can see the prawns, can't you, on that? Yeah. Is it chopped? Yeah, that's why I don't eat that. I eat a prawn cracker, because there's no prawns on the prawn cracker. There's no actual physical prawn. Like there is physical prawn on prawn toast, isn't it?

Yeah. You still only eat chicken breast. Yeah, I don't like meat on the bone meat. Yeah, but you don't even like thighs, do you? No. What do you eat? What's your go-to staple meal? Roast at about 2 a.m.

Mate, that day where I made Dan his first ever roast beef and he pushed it round the plate and it was, I nailed it as well. It's like really nice pink in the middle. Treacle on the outside and I was like, what sort, is it it? And he's just like, I've never had roast beef. And that's, that blew my mind because like as a kid from the Northwest, like once a week, Sunday dinner, I would, that's one thing you'd be made to eat. I've fucking been slaving all day of that. Don't, don't have a curry. I eat my gravy and I eat other people's gravy. No, I do. No,

no, no. I'm very, it has to be, it has to be browner than like chicken. I don't eat chicken gravy. I eat beef gravy, red wine gravy. I don't eat like a beige gravy. It's not for me at all. I only basically I only eat food that looks like me nan could have cooked it. Originally. Do you like things well cooked? No I'm well better like with that now. I'm not fussy about the way I have things cooked really. I'm fussy about what I eat. It's mainly fat. I don't like fat. Like I get, I've got bacon scissors at home and I just, and I cut the middles out and I just eat the middles.

So you wouldn't have streaky bacon? I weirdly, I'll have streaky bacon in sprouts or I put it in my stuffing. I'm not, I wouldn't have a streaky bacon, bacon, butty, but I'm not adverse to streaky bacon if the fat's been rendered properly. It's mainly meat because I eat loads. I'm not fussy like where people like don't eat veg or they only eat certain three certain beige foods, but it's just, it's that. I know exactly what it means with that noise. You're definitely not as bad as me, but you have got some eccentricities. Oh, a hundred percent.

Like, so I only eat... So it's only like meat based. So for example... It's mainly meat based because I don't want to have to do this. Yeah. And you don't do that with a sprout. Do you like hummus? No, I don't eat hummus.

But would you have any problem trying hummus? No, only the fact that it, I think it looks like ready brek. So I probably would be like, do you know what it is as well? I don't think I'm ever gonna need hummus. Like I need meat forever. I think there's other things, I eat healthy enough that I don't need hummus. I know what you mean.

It is my dough and this is racial profiling, but you look like you fucking love a bit of hummus.'t need hummus. I know what you mean. It is my dough and this is racial profiling but you look like you fucking love a bit of hummus. Yeah. It's not region based. Like a lover is it tabouli? Is that the one with which is parsley and one of the things where you get a ball out? No No, I think it's taboo Lee where it's chopped up parsley onion Bulgur wheat, is that right? I love that on a flatbread. So it's not I'm not like what's Baba ganoush Now it's a play for Chelsea in like what's Bobbiganou play for Chelsea and 2003. I think a couple of yoko. Oh no. Bobby Yaro. Yeah. I know. It's also played for Chelsea. Yeah. At least I need me. And if like, if I don't like it, I just won't eat it again,

but I'm not put off by it. You'll try anything. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like I'd love to see both of you do like, in fact, this would be a good patron special with both of them. It'd be expensive. Is a full Michelin taste the menu like a 12. I'm not doing it. Right. Right. I'm not gonna hurt you though. It's the best food in the world. The only good thing is there's not loads of it. Yeah. But do you know why it annoys me? It's, it's fucking too much for show. Why is that? Got to be foam. No, why can't that just be what it was? Why is that? Why have them carrots got to be like... It is for show, it's art isn't it? Yeah, and that's what I don't think...

I can make this look this good and taste this good. I'm not bothered about food as art. I have my art. I've got Netflix. Do you know what I mean? There's museums that are free entry. Love how every, in your head, every Michelin restaurant is just full of people who've got no Netflix subscription. Yeah, well that's how we see. But I don't care about, there's people that like weirdly don't listen to music.

They're not asked about that. They have like- I only listen to music in the car. Yeah, so whereas I like music and I get my art there, but I'm not bothered about what my food looks like. I don't care, like presentation is never a thing. But you would never get a Michelin star if you were just making food look good.

Totally, but I also don't, I don't care that the fucking man who makes tires is telling me what food to eat. Like I'm not bothered about Michelin stars. Like same thing for one man operation. I would love to try it. I would love to try it. Just to see.

I think the ultimate Dan this is for Patreon special. It's going to just be like, you know, like a semen on something. You want to know what it was? No, you couldn't tell me what it was. I reckon you'd know a raw problem. Well, if you do that, I'll come. I'll have I'll have a little Michelin. I'll come for your Michelin. I'll have that.

But because they like telling you they're like, this is a dead. Also, I don't think I need to. You have that. But because they like telling you that they're like, this is a dead. I don't think I need 12. You'd know that. No, but they do. They're like, and what we've got here is a flirtation of cockroaches. Yeah. Around. You're going to love this by the way. Cranberry explosion. And then say a French word. They'll come up to you and they'll be like, this is a freshly caught Scottish raw prawn. And then I come everywhere. It's crema used from the oyster you had before. The water that those oysters were cooked in. It's just now. How have you put me off this?

I was, I was, I was literally ready to sign up. It's the tears of the oyster. It's Tory Bush tucker challenge. Yeah. That's all it is. I don't care about that. I'm not. Tastes good. I don't need 12 little dinners. I'll have a dinner me. I'll have a nice full-sized dinner.

Do you want us to get them to put it all on one plate? Yeah. I prefer that. This is your dinner. I think of the washing up. We're here. We're not allowed the fucking, we're not allowed the plastic straw

because of one fucking turd, but we can have the the dishwasher machine on all night at whatever case cost of the national grid. Like great defense of the national grid. Are you the same? Do you not know what would you want to know what it was before you tried it or do you want to try it first? I want to know what it was so I can say I'm all right me.

No, no, that's not the point. No, but the whole point of it is that you can't say no. Yeah. I would need to know, I think, because- Danny, what we're setting up here is basically the ultimate Dan versus food. It really helps that you're called Dan as well. And then we do this as a patron special. I mean, I would just be outside,

just having the same skedaddle on the bus stop. We need a Dan that'll just eat anything though, as well. Like, Deegan looks like he's just fucking, he's not concerned, he'll just throw it down his neck. Imagine if it had changed your lives though, imagine if you'd had it, you'd have just like, George, it's too late. Well, I'm gonna eat here twice a week.

The thing is though, Adam, right, I'm the age I am now and I've lived the way I've lived, that it can only have a negative effect. No, it can't. No, I'd be like the ego at the end of Ratatouille, I'd be like, my whole existence and job has been a lie. Now I've got to open up a little restaurant with a rat for the last, how long do you think he lived

after the end of Ratatouille? He probably lived for six years, knowing that he could have done this 40 years ago. He's wasted his whole life. I don't want to know that I've wasted my whole life eating chicken dippers when I could have been eating all this shit. It's not what I want. Adam. That's too late. I think it's too late to just imagine if you went and go, my childhood was a lie. It's

like, you know, those dudes that are like, do you know what? I've been gay all my life for now. I'm 50 and I'm going to suck 700 dicks a week. It'll be like that as a busy middle age in it. That's what I mean. and those guys, they've just been in the club, they're probably like, fucking, I should have just done this years ago and I've wasted my, I'd be like that, but we've fucking reduced salmon foam. And sucked 700 salmon. Yeah, yeah, it's just. Salmon's boss as well.

Like that's what, I think you get to a certain age where they're like, no new stuff now, it's a negative. It's a negative now. No, it's a negative if you get to a certain age where they're like no new stuff now it's a negative it's a negative now. No it's a negative if you look at it as a negative. Imagine me my comedy like now after being doing it for 18 years realizing do you know you can play the guitar dead well and you could have just been doing that like or you you don't have good accents or and I just haven't been doing it and now I'm like oh I couldn I couldn't know that. No, that's that is such a pessimistic way. Yes. Yes, it is. Well, let's split that. Make it optimistic. You don't go.

It's better to have it now. The time you've got left and to have never. No, I think Adam, right. I'll think, oh, amazing. This has changed my life. I'll get fucking run over on the way home. That's all I think. Have you played paddle yet?

What? Paddle. I'm not playing paddle. You yet? What? Paddle. I'm not playing paddle, Carl. You don't want to learn a new sport? No, because I don't want to be like, oh, I could have been Chester and District Paddle Champion at under 15. No, but paddle's the old sport. Paddle's the old sport.

I knew, innit? Paddle's only been around two years. Oh, I suppose, maybe. I haven't lost much of that. Get into paddle. Is there any comedians that play paddle? I just, I just, I think I don't need any new stuff. And that sounds comedy wise. You're gonna lose old stuff.

You're playing footy as much as you were. I played the other day. Have you filled the hole? I have used. I was in that. I'm playing in the hole on Sunday. But like you start, you start doing, I'm playing footy so much less now

and I haven't filled the hole yet. Yeah, but I've got stuff that I don't do that I could. So for example, I like fishing. Just don't eat it. I like to catch them. I know what? Pull them back. Right.

Maybe that's why I don't like it because I caught one once and just took a bite out of it on the bank and then it wasn't very nice. Doesn't that really upset them? No, it makes them feel like they were about to die and they got released. Yeah, that's it. They're like, oh, I'm fucked. Take some hostages and then let them go.

You feel better now, don't you? You thought that was going to rape you and kill you? No, no, no, on you go, have a nice life. Think an only fish if it's the chocolate lake from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, because it's not water then. Augustus Gloops lake. I could swim. Just wanted to clarify that. What if it goes in your mouth and you're like...

Everyone in the sea. Hey, I've never asked this of you and I don't know, but in my head, you can't swim. Oh. Can you swim? How did you know I can't swim? I can't swim and I think we're very similar in this. Have you heard me in the pool once? He was scared to go to the pool with us. Can you not swim? No. This is why you spent that whole holiday on the fucking beach. You know you can't use the rocks. No. Can you ride a bike? Can you not swim? What are you on about? Where have you got that from? I just in my... Who's been

talking about my swimming? In my head. I just thought because cause I thought this is what's going on on the circuit. You'd be well aerodynamic as well. Like Duncan Goodge. Listen, how I got there. So he went, Oh, I can swim. And I was like, do you like it? Well, it doesn't. I hate swimming and I don't like it all in me is that's the thing. When I was a kid, I had Wallace and Gromit's in my ears and like water went in. Can't be swimming with your headphones on. I had Gromit's and I couldn't get water in my ears. So I used to like get absolved from swimming at school. I didn't have to do it because so therefore I just couldn't swim. I've never been able to swim. I reckon I could not drown in a pool

now. Open water. I think I'm done. We're all done. The sea. But I, uh, when he said that I was like, I can't swim really. I can swim. And then I was like, I don't, in my head, I was like, I don't reckon Dan can swim. And I've never, never asked it of you. When was the last time you practiced swimming? I go to the gym and I swim after the- You can swim? Yeah, I love swimming. Oh, right. I just thought you couldn't swim. I know what you mean about the ears things though. I wear my, you know, I wear earplugs

to sleep because I'm a needy sleeper. It's been discussed. When I finished at the gym, I put those in, get them my swim shorts and I keep them in while I'm in the pool, while I'm in the sauna. So it has the benefit of, war doesn't go in my ears, which weirdly never used to bother me, sort of bothers me a little bit. And I don't have to listen to the cunts talk in the sauna, which is great.

Have you ever had water in your ear that doesn't come out? Yeah. And then you do that later. Like an hour and you turn your head. And it's the closest you'll ever feel to being a woman. It's like common. That's what I heard. That's what it's like.

Like when it goes, it's like a piss that you really need. That's how it feels. It drips. Yeah. When it just comes out. When did you last practice swimming? Practice? Yeah.

Cause like you're lame when you're the kid, don't you? And then you don't like that too. You don't like. It's like driving in it. Once you've got your 25 metres, you don't need to... I haven't got any more than that. I haven't practiced since we were in school. I've swam. Fuck.

But I haven't gone. When did you last swim? Do you know what I mean? I get in the pool, I don't swim. I've told you this, I just walk around. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm getting in the pool. If you get in the pool and all, you can swim.

You're a fucking lizard, by the way just do basically you just scoot down a bit. So it's like that. And then you walk dead weird under the water. That's what I do. It's like, everyone hates you. If you are in a swimming pool, that's fine. But on holiday, if you get in the swimming pool, if you get in the gym swimming pool

and just have a little play with your mates, I think it's like frowned upon. Whereas on holiday, you're basically just playing headers, aren't you? Yeah, I'm like Kevin McAllister, home alone too, in the swimming pool, me at the, you know, and he just cannonballs in and all the old men are just swimming, that's what I'm like, get him, I'm just messing about. Jack and someone else, when we were on the beach, swam about 300 meters out to the rocks.

Mad that. Why? And then he's got there and was like oh yeah rocks rocks are the same in this country. It was pretty rough actually. It was pretty dangerous. It did look quite cool. I was quite jealous of it. I'd like to be there. Yeah. Put me there. Wonderful. I don't want to go. I feel like that every time I have to go to a gig though. It's like I want to be there. I'd love to just be, Oh, I think about that so much. I think that if you could time travel and be a comic, it would be so good. Teleport. Teleport. Yeah. So I think that is the, Oh, if you could time

travel as well, the ultimate night is we've a good set. Absolutely clean up famous. We'd all be, these are words to a song that I've written myself. I think it's time for a little intervallay. Oh shit, we've done 47. What's happening lids? Time to tell you about my absolute favourite sponsor. It's NordVPN and if you go to NordVPN.com slash have a word you'll get a mega discount. Mega discount.

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Mega. Mega deal! flimsy, or maybe it's a little too covered in dirt because your best friend distracted you and you dropped it on the ground. There's a million ways to roll a joint wrong, but there's one roll that's always perfect. The pre-roll. Shop the summer pre-roll and infuse pre-roll sale today at ocs.ca and participating retailers. Final section, part four of four. Daniel, you do a podcast now don't you do a podcast yeah it's arguably one of the top five podcasts from Chester yeah I do a podcast with Brennan Reese who you all know and it's called proper rank and we just basically like list stuff or take lists that are already there and relist them

give it a proper rank yeah yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Like a little pun. It's a pun. I like it. Love upon me. Uh, so when I went away, Julia was, uh, minding me house and when I came back, it was on me. Telly like she'd been sat watching it all. So I just watched. Yeah, that was me. I go around people's houses when they're not in and just put it on their telly's. Yeah. Just run off. What an inefficient way to get views that would be. Yeah. Just go in Dixon's. Where can we find it? Well, I always wanted to say this wherever you get your pods, it's on Spotify, YouTube, mainly in it. So choose proper rank At proper rank pod or not.

I'm not, you know. If you type that in, it'll come up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Shall we do some executive? This ain't just any order. This is an executive order. Ow! Lee, lee, lee, lee, lee, lee, lee, lee, lee, lee, lee, lee.

Do you have a jingle for that? We've just played it. Oh, right. It wasn't just a pregnant pause. Lee, lee, lee. Yeah,'t just a pregnant pause. Yeah. Daniel. Yes. Have you got any executive orders?

So is this if I was the boss? Yeah. King of the world. Oh, you've just been elected president of the UK. New system. You're the president. You can sign a few execs on your first day. Right.

So I've got a couple. One's quite serious and will be wide raging and I don't think people will be upset. But one, I've mentioned this a lot, maybe even on air. I just can't for the life of me fathom why they don't, there isn't, when they make cars, they don't make the hazard lights and the indicators flash at a different tempo, right?

Because if you can only see one, you don't know whether someone's just waiting in a bay or they're coming out. Where as if hazards just flashed a little bit quicker, when you see that you'd be like, there the hazards, I'll drive past it. But because it's just one clicking out, you're like, oh, am I letting him out?

Am I letting him out? If there's two buses and the bus in front is turning off and he's doing that, I'm like, is he turning out or has he got his hazards on? Exactly. And they can do it as well, can't they? Because when your indicators go in, it does the quicker thing.

The technology's there, Finn. They've got self-driving cars, I reckon they can crack the faster flash. I also would go a step further and say, just add a different colored light to every car that is for hazard, so there's just no ambiguity whatsoever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe some people have like a green disease

where they can't. I mean, I can't do that because I'm colorblind. I couldn't do that. It'd have to be the speed for me. Like a purple, maybe that's, yeah, that's why it is, isn't it, probably, for colorblind people. And dogs who drive. All those people who can't be pilots'd have to be the speed for me. Like a purple. Maybe that's, yeah, that's why it is. Isn't it? Probably for colorblind people and dogs. All those people who can't be pilots that have to drive in the army. Can't be a pilot. Can't be an electrician. And that was all I wanted to be when I was a kid. Or a bomb disposal expert. Yeah. On

a plane. I can't get drafted. No, but I can be in like the office, like sending the bombs. I don't think you're making it in the NFL at this stage anyway. I'm not even on. Yeah. And his New York giants top. I'm like, yeah, can't do it. And I've got hay fever. So can't be in the army. What a great reason to get in the happy. Why can't you go to Iran? Scratchy eyes, bro. You can't be in the front line sneezing and giving your position away. I can't fight a war. I've got the snuffles. Yeah, you can't be all like, so do you get sent home from the war if you get a cold? I guess you get taken off the front line. Yeah. Yeah. But surely they can still send you to places like the desert where there's minimal pollen. Probably at the desert wall you're fucked.

Yeah. If you get in, if you get in hay fever from a cactus, I don't think there's much. Is there pollen in a cactus? I don't know. I don't know how much pollens in a cat. Do they Yeah. Well, to be fair, that's not made me sneeze.

So if I get called up, can't get hay fever. You can do about it. Well, there is it's called Pyroton. It's like four quid for 30 tablets. I'm sure they can sort that out. There's nothing I can do, shake, shake, shake. Take one of that. I do like that one though, that,

I notice that nearly every day. Yeah. And I've never thought how to fix it. Yeah, that's, it pisses me off. A lot of mine are driving. There's like, there's loads, I've got loads. Let's push this one through first, think first thing. Oh, sweet. Next one. Um, we need to, we need to ban the liver. Ooh, et al. It's ruined food. It's ruined everything. It's everything. It's

so bad. People, people's standards are so low now because there's no, and not just Deliveroo, Deliveroo is a bad part, but I mean like all these sort of middleman apps where there's no recompense for anyone like Airbnb now, where anywhere where the host... I know what you mean, where the app can go, ah, it's them. Yeah. And they can go, ah, it's them. Exactly that. So like trainline or booking.com anywhere. Like what, I just, Deliveroo is the main one because it affected

me more. Like I don't use it now. I use it like once every now and again when Rudy wants a pizza from Pizza Express. He likes Pizza Express. He does like Rudy's, but there's not one in Chester. So, yeah, yeah, yeah. But, but Stele Rudy's, but there's not one in Chester. So shame. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But, uh, but it's delay is better, but that's, it's not a Chester pop. But it is 13th best pizza in Europe. So mad floppy style. It's policy. Yes. Wet, wet, not cheesy non or so shy. Italians do not know how to make pizza. Yeah. New York. Yeah. All the best Italian plumbers are New York. So it's, it's that, isn't it? That's the thing that you said like, Oh, it was them. It was them. I also don't want, I don't want, I don't want my food brought on a bike. Like

it's not optimum. I'm sorry. Cars, especially it might be different if you're in Canary Wharf, but where we live in Chester, there's roads with cars that are quicker. Like the bike people, the point of bringing food, oh I'm on one now, the point of bringing food on a bike is you can go down roads and alleys and guinals that you can't in a car. Yeah, as long as you've got a key. In Chester where I live, the bike man will come from Nando's on the same roads that the car man comes, just slower. So it's pointless.

You should, if they are keeping it, you should pay less for bikes. The delivery charge should be less for bikes, more for cars. Also don't get me with premium delivery now. Like don't be like, oh, we're gonna bring it seventh. No, it changes it by five. So it was like between 20 and 40 or 15 and 35. You're like, right. So that's a big difference though, isn't it?

Also the main thing that people don't equate the joy that you used to get from fucking having half a poppadom on the way home when you've gone and collected your food. I used to get an extra sausage from the Chippy. Like when I go to my favourite Chinese place I order my stuff including the spring rolls I'm getting as part of the takeout but I then go and then can I have a portion of spring rolls left open for the car. Yeah I have driving fries from Caspian. Yeah yeah yeah rip the bag little prawn crack open for the car. I have driving fries from Caspian. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Rip the bag, little prawn cracker in the car. Oh, the best chip that anyone has ever had is the ripped bag chip on the way home. Where it's steaming. Yeah, and it's taken all that away. Little bit of paper on it, bit of an arse. Shag that, you know. Yeah, yeah.

Whoa. It was so visceral. It's taken all that away. It's also, there was some, and I don't know, cause sometimes we think that things have got worse, but really we've just got older. So when we go like- Like your knees.

Oh, I miss Blockbuster. Like Netflix is probably better, but when we were young, we liked walking around, so we equate that to actually being better, but really you were just younger. It's like Brexit in it with all the older people that are like, oh, it was so much better. No, Gene, you were 21. Life is better when you're 21. That's all it is.

Blockbuster definitely wasn't better as well. When you were like, oh, this is going to be aw. Yeah, it was sick, but in a different... Someone had rented them all. For them. For them. I love getting games on Blockbuster because you'd have like a week to complete it and you just love it for that week. Danny spent most of the time we lived together paying fines at Blockbuster.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pretty much. And then I spent a lot of the time paying his fines when I lived with him. But yeah, I think it's the... Phoning the actual... If I'm phoning Frankie's pizza, I want Frankie to bring me pizza or Frankie's delivery guys to bring my pizza. Yeah, and then if there's a problem, if there's a delay, you are speaking to someone and then

you can hold back the... Exactly. If you're paying cash. Hey yo, Frankie, you've got to get on Giuseppe, lad, he's been fucking wazzing me bike all over the place. And it's also, I think once the novelty wears off of, I still think it's novelty delivery. I still think it's like, Oh, especially people are in bed. Exactly. Especially our age. And if you take it to like, we've had what 30 years of not being able to get a chain restaurant

delivered to your house and then 10 years. So it's still quite new. Really. I think once that wears off, nothing travel, I can't think of anything that travels good enough for me to get a cheat like Nando's, you know, but it's, it's just, mate, we got Uber Eats and obviously you can see where your guy is. He just drove around Chester for two hours. It's the worst plan. Then when they got the food, it was the most annoying thing I've ever been involved in. It was honestly from the point of ordering two hours before we got the three. And you can chart him. He's just what like at one point he drove towards

Blake and I was like, finally this is him. Then he went round Blake and then fucked off back to town. What did you order? Five guys. Right. Yeah. It was so cold. It's bad. I'm going to kick off. And then he was from a poor place. Yeah. And he was being friendly. I was worried that he had children to feed. I also think, right. I think a lot of these big companies, these big chains, Wagamama's, maybe not Wagamama's cause they're generally quite consistent, but Mackeys especially. We did a top five chain restaurants on the proper rank podcast last week. That was out and Wagamama's was top. Yeah, I love Wagamama and it's always good.

Yeah. You get the same everywhere. But like fast food places like Mackeys for example, right? You know when like you get like really shit fries from Mackeys and people just accept it. We just go, ah, it's Mackeys isn't it? It's the only one you let off. They're the biggest company on the planet. But also you used to do that because you're like it's 56 pence for a small fries.

Now it's like 8 quid for the Big Mac meal. So now actually, I'm sorry Ronald, it needs to be better now. He's gone now, hasn't he? Is he involved still? Is he doing a challenge? He's still a CEO. It's still about, yeah. Ronald? Is he involved still? Is he doing a charity show? He's still a CEO. He's still about, yeah. But also what makes the delivery, if you do get shit chips or the food's crap, you have to be a fucking bell end and go, you have to go through the...

And you get short yourself. And you get 28 P refund. How the fuck they work the refunds out? What would you do here? I got a Domino's and I ordered the Big Dip, which is integral for me. The Big Dip is integral. And it came without the dip. I wanted the dip. Oh which is integral for me. The big dip is integral. And it came without the dip.

And they were telling me, I wanted the dip. You're like, oh, it's not in the bag. Should I go back and get it? And I was like, well, yeah. But also, yeah, but then I was like, I'm starving. So I started eating the pizza. And then when the dip come on, I was like. But also Domino's delivery drivers

are Domino's delivery drivers. Yeah, that's what I was gonna say. Yeah, but it took like 25 minutes to come back. But why, this is the thing with people don't think, why hasn't the fucking guy who delivers for Domino's. Yeah, that's what I was going to say. It took like 25 minutes to come back. But why this is the thing with people don't think why hasn't the fucking guy who delivers for Domino's got a boot full of dips. He's going to know that people might want extra dips. So why don't you go, Oh mate, they forgot in the shop. It's not your fault. They forgot the dips and he's like, hold on mate. And he just goes in the glove box and gets you a honey mustard. Like, I was like, I'm starving now. I want to eat this. And then he came back late. I's like, hold on mate, and he just goes in the glove box and gets you a honey mustard like.

But I was like, I'm starving now, I want to eat this. And then he came back late. I was like, I've already started eating it, but nice one for doing it. But I was like, what the f***? And they could do that. I love that they went, they went, do you want me to go back? They asked me. I want this to be on you. Are you going to? Yeah, I went kind of, yeah.

Just check the f***ing receipt when you leave the Domino's. You want me to go and get what you've already paid for? Really? Yeah, I do, yeah. Also the thing with Deliveroo I don't like is that they, they put food from other places on top of your, so someone might order like shrimp fried rice and I've ordered burger and chips and they're, I know it's in boxes and stuff, but it's still shrimpy steam. Shrimp steam.

All in the thing. I know. The only two people in the world who say shrimp steam. Honestly, I don't need my burger getting a sauna with a shrimp. Yeah. 100%. I was in Siam once.

You know, it's like a teppanyaki, but was it Sapporo here or like? We've been there. We were there with you actually. It's lovely. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. But someone ordered like king prawns and he was doing me steak.

On the same plate. Right next to it and there was Defo prawn juice on it. And another thing that happened there, I ordered beef fillet with Thai chili garlics. That's like Jeff's kiss. That's the best one. And some other prick like ordered rump steak, which is like 20 pound less than mine. And the guys just put it next to each other. He's only, I know mine, I know what a fillet looks like and he's cutting it. And then he goes like that

and he gives it to the wrong guy. And I'm like, whoa, I think that's, and he was like, nah. And I know it was the fillet. And the guy just looked at me and was like, and he didn't say anything. And I've just got to choose, I don't complain normally. I was never, I don't complain. Normally

I was up. I was like, he's at my fillet there. You've watched him. I was like, oh, it was so annoying. I don't want, I don't want to mix other people's foods, but that's, I mean, they're on delivery as well. I'd never, and it also puts me off ordering nice food from nice, I'd rather just go to Chippy that I know is going to be six out of 10. Yeah. I think bring back it's the Chippy person. Yeah. I mean, I'm up to that.

Yeah. So long as I can get to get on. It's just a sad state of affairs in it. Cause there's so many restaurants now that rely on it because so many less people are going out because if you order it in, let's say even like Casa de Italia, which is quite busy in Liverpool, like if you order that in, it costs you whatever the food costs you.

To get into town, it's like maybe a babysitter. What? Can you order Casa de Italia? Uber eats. That feels wrong. It feels like Casa de Italia be a restaurant that go, nah, fuck off, we're not doing that. Yeah.

Also don't- Like I don't think they do loads of it. I think they limit it. And it is still a busy restaurant, but a lot of restaurants now are dead because people know they can just... How sad is the Mackeys in Chester now though? On a Sunday morning, if we go down for like the breakfast,

there's just nine delivery guys. Yeah, you just gotta wait for them. And then you're like, whoa, can you do that? And they're like, no, we're prioritizing these concerts, couldn't even get out of the Jarmus. It's like, I've made an effort to be a mate. You should be prioritizing me in a suit. Yeah. You go down for the family. I'm getting ready for the divorce. We've got one from the listener from the listener. We're down to one. All these rival podcasts. Joel says, executive order,

if a couple gets divorced and you pay for a wedding gift, you should be entitled to a full refund plus interest depending on how short the marriage was. The shorter the marriage, the higher the interest rate. Cheers, lids. Joel. No, I mean, I don't agree, but I do think you should choose who gets it.

Yeah. I'm up for that. What do you mean? The division of the assets. Right. So if I bought you a bread maker, I'm like, Laura, love you to that girl, but Dan's me boy. Yeah, he has it. I think the person who gives the gift should choose

who gets it in the divorce. I think if you get married and you stay married for five years, no one can be like, fuck it, now I made you a bread maker. If you get divorced after six months. It's still got a book value then and it's like transfer amortization. Like after five years it's paid its contractor. I haven't looked at all my wedding presents yet.

Like it's just, it's a bit overwhelming. I looked at all my wedding present yet. Like, and it's just, it's a bit overwhelming. Did you feel that? It's an overwhelming time anyway. And it's like, I've got all these things to open and say thank you for that. We just haven't started. We just asked for money. I was just counting the money. Yeah, we got lots of money. That was good. I wasn't overwhelmed. I also Laura. There should be... There should be no stigma attached to being able to be like, I'm gonna give this away, cause I don't want this kettle. If someone gets you a kettle.

It's a stupid present for a living. But something like that. Liam Bolton bought us resistance bands, which is such a Liam Bolton thing. Oh, thank God you got us a kettle. We've been together 12 years. You know what I mean though? You know what I mean? You should be able to redistribute your wedding gifts without stigma. We've got a couple of gifts for you.

Breadmakers are the prime example. Like 10, 15 years ago, when they first became a thing, part of the rule should be, you're given this breadmaker, but you're not allowed to turn up in six months a year and go, where's that bread maker? Yeah. Fuck off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You could be a big lump of a present. Do you know where it is, mate?

The hospice of the Good Shepherd shops. That's where it is. Danny. Yes. We've done this a couple of times recently and Dan just sort of sparked it in my head. I was wondering if you could tell me what your perfect realistic Sunday is. Oh, I don't like that caveat. Go on.

It has to be realistic. Because otherwise you have like crocodile Dundee tournaments or something. Don't you? What? I know what you mean. I just want to do cocaine in the Seychelles. Crocodile Dundee tournaments. Right. So mine was dead lazy.

It can be whatever. You can do nothing if you want, but that is yours. What would you want to do? Right. Okay. Start to finish. So I don't drink. So I'm not hungover. So that's the start, but I still want to get up early, like really early. And I want to go to the gym genuinely. Okay. But early enough on six AM. Yeah. Early enough so that I can then go back to bed. Oh wow. So I want to do it, do the gym, good workout, sauna, jacuzzi, back to bed in me, like just get dry, put my jamas back on in the gym, straight back to bed, clean, relaxed till about 11. Yeah. Right. Then I'm up. don't need a shower now.

Right. Don't need to do any of that. Just dressed, just get dressed. And I go to the coffee shop for a lovely coffee. Maybe a slice of cake. Cause I'm not eating. Can I ask you a question? Yes, Adam.

Just Jordan, I am going to have some questions. Is there a lid on it? At the coffee shop, is there a queue? Oh, yeah. And I don't mind because it means it's a good coffee shop. Is there a queue? Oh, yeah. And I don't mind because it means it's a good coffee shop. And I like the hustle and bustle of the coffee shop. Does your coffee have a lid on it? Cause Adam's doesn't and we don't know why. Don't get me wrong. If there's the queue because some cunts get in a delivery room, then, then no, not for me. But I don't mind Mavis in there.

I'll tell you what, there isn't in there. There's no dogs in the coffee shop today. Of course there isn't. All the dogs, all the dogs, there's people with dogs, they're outside on the outdoor furniture because it is a lovely sunny day. So they're outside there.

I'm not getting fur in me latte, right? Also a great band. So I've got a little coffee and I've got a Bakewell slice. What time of year is this, Tanny? Is it a nice day, but like crispy? Do you know what it is, Dan? Do you know when you, it's early September where it's the last knockings of summer, but it still smells like autumn. So you get all the benefits of a summer day, but it's getting dark about half eight. So you can still feel the lovely summer. You can get better than September to November. That is the best part of the year.

September to December because of Christmas. If Christmas didn't exist, I would agree September to the end of November. But September, October, November, December is the best stretch of months. Yeah, it's so exciting. And then January, you've just got to get your head down till they change the color of the footy in the Premier League from yellow back to white. That's when you know, cause that's, that's the official start of summer is the

start of spring. Sorry is when they change the yellow footy back to white, you know, it's, you know, big things are going on. So back to my Sunday. Is it just you by the way? It's just me. On my own. Amazing. Just, I'm, do you know what? I even walk, I walk to the coffee shop. Don't normally do that. Cause I don't like walk. I live near a load of good places that I could walk to, but I don't want to walk back with bags. That's what people never factor in. They always like, Oh, let's walk to the veg shop and get some veg. And I was like, that's great. So you have to carry fucking 17 spuds back. So, so I've walked there, I've had my coffee, I come back and I've, I've, I just, I potter around my kitchen. There's stuff to do, but not too much stuff that if

I don't do it, it's going to stress me out. It's stuff that you don't have to do right now, but you could. I could do it. There's a couple of dishes in the sink, only a couple. Like if I don't do them, it's little to do list, little tiny to do list that I don't even have to do. Then this is where I don't know what time is it? I'm having it's about half 12 now. I'm having a roast. Yeah, I'm definitely having a ride away. We've got to stay up and leave similar perfect Sundays. Right. I'm definitely having a road. It wasn't at the gym though. similar perfect sundaes. Right. I'm definitely having a roast. He wasn't at the gym though.

Neither am I to be honest. I'm definitely having a roast, but I don't know yet. I'm a cooking one or am I, am I having one? Cause I do like cook, cooking's a blag, but at least I know I'm responsible for all the dinner. Cause roasts are the things where I do have quite a few caveats when I order out. So I'm like, no cauliflower cheese, you know that, I don't like cheese. Then I say, is the cauliflower cheese pre-prepared or do you cook the cauliflower, then add the cheese sauce? Because if it isn't, I'll have the cauliflower, but it's often pre-prepared, so I don't have to. Is the cream leeks, are they already creamed? Because I don't want cream and gravy mixing, that's dirty, I don't like that. Can I have the gravy on the side? Because I don't want cream and gravy mixing. That's debty, I don't like that.

Can I have the gravy on the side? Because I don't know what it's gonna be like. I don't know what type of gravy it is. No mash, I don't think mash belongs on a roast. I just, I've always, I've just always had- I have to be home roast. I just don't- You should be back at the same day so far.

Yeah, similar as well. Apart from I'm in the Seychelles. It's a great place. We're clocking down. Yeah, yeah, Seychelles. It's a great place. It's a lovely place. I can recommend the Seychelles. Thank you. So we've got slightly different. Perfect Sundays. Right so now in fact I've roasted, it's done, I'm back, it's two o'clock, first game, Super Sunday. The footy's on. The footy's on. There's three games though.

Right. When's the first one on though? Half 12? Half 12. I'm missing that because it's Brentford Bournemouth. No, Sunday's Sunday, there's two games here and four. It's two o'clock and a half. And a half, yeah.

It's a championship game early. I quite like a three game of me. Right, so the first game is a low stakes game with entertaining teams. What about a Spanish one? No, I'm not interested anymore. Since I've stopped playing computer games, etc. I don't know who plays for them anymore. I'm not yet. I don't know the players. So I'm not, I don't care about it as much. So you want a Tottenham Bournemouth. I want a Brighton. It's a good game to bet on because you don't care and you can go, ah, they've got a corner.

I tell you what's a really good one of them. Newcastle Brighton. Yeah, it's one of them. It's Brighton. Brighton generally. And then it's United in form playing a shit team, but they have to score within the first 10 minutes. The trouble is with United, classically,

they can't play against the low block. So United, if you've watched in the past, they concede for it's a long watch. Even if they win, it's still a shit watch because it's stressful. You think, are they going to break these down? So it's an early goal, eight minutes, right? Maybe even a pen with a red.

Like the Villa game, you know, when the second half of that Villa game, you know when the second half of that Villa game, United Villa, was one of the easiest watches I've ever had. So it's that and then United win. And then- See what I like is I like everything to have one on Saturday and Sunday to be a hate watch.

Is there any worst feeling in football when your team plays the early Saturday and loses? Yeah, the weekend's done. It's just so shit. Shouldn't they hate watch is better? If your team is walled and you're like... That's one thing in life I am starting to try and do less is the hate watch. I don't think it's good. I just don't watch other teams now because it makes me sad and I shouldn't be sad for someone else's success.

If I'm picking the games I'm watching, because again, similar days, Liverpool have played in one Saturday. Yeah. And the early kickoff again is a Newcastle Brighton-y one. The late kickoff for me, if I'm picking perfect, is two teams that I don't like. Right. Two big teams.

Oh, a win-win, a lose-lose. Yeah, I'm talking a hate watch. I hate the hate D-seam. United to Chelsea. Ah. United to Chelsea, they're both fighting for fifth. Sancho in the stands because he's on loan. That's peaked up. Yeah, okay. And it was a bad VAR decision. Injuries, red cards. Yeah, I'd rather watch teams where I know

probably someone's going to score a volley. There's going to be a good goal in a bright and bum of attacking football. Then after that, what's that, six o'clock? Yeah. After six, seven actually. Some of these guys are creeping, no. No. Unless you're staving them. Well, I don't get them. No, I get them osmosis to me partner.

Because Monday is our Sunday, innit? Like this is our Saturday, really. Like this is prime weekend. So then I've got some free time. I don't know what I'm gonna do between six and eight. I don't know. I can't, I can't tell you. Maybe I'll go for a little walk. It's late, late September, early September, late afternoon. I might go for a little walk. I might not. That's my time to do. I might put the PlayStation on. I don't know. Then eight o'clock I'm ordering chicken fried rice with onions, right? That's what I'm ordering and I'm ordering two, right? I'm eating one and one stays in the fridge

because that's my breakfast in the morning. My best breakfast of all time for someone who's a fussy eater, best breakfast is cold chicken fried rice with big crunchy onions in it. No peas, fuck the peas off in a chicken fried rice or limit five peas. Yeah. There's five peas in my chicken fried rice. There's not, there's too many peas in the rice. Then this is the thing sometimes. And I recently did this. Have you seen sinners? Yeah. No, not yet. Great. I watched that. It is unbelievable. At 20 past 10 on a Sunday night, no one in the cinema, literally IMAX, me on my own. The dream. I'm going to the cinema Sunday night on my own.

I haven't got to be up on Monday. I'm going to watch the... Because if I put a film on in the house, I won't watch it. I'll be on my phone. I'll be fucking about. Yeah. Yeah, but also you look at your phone in the cinema. Yeah.

In the cinema. So you get to just do that without pissing anyone off. I genuinely think there should be a phone section in the cinema, in the cinema, so you get to just do that without pissing anyone off? I genuinely think there should be a phone section in the cinema where you're allowed to look at your phone, you can't talk on your phone, you can't have sounds on your phone, but if you want to check how much it's done internationally at the box office, you should be allowed to do that. If you want to know what other film that act has been in, because it's doing your editing.

All the other apps are blocked apart from like Wikipedia and IMDb. Yeah. Nice. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's a good Sunday. Yeah. Pick a mix. Oh yeah. Two blue dolphins. No, right. Salif is very particular. No. The fuck are you doing? I don't need your pick a mix order. No, go on. It's your... Two blue dolphins because they're the bigger ones.

Two crocodiles, a snake coiled in the cup. A handful of snakes by the way is the best. Four or five cola bottles, not too much fit, like two bubble gums, fizzy bubble gums, but only jelly. The chocolate is so poor quality. No foam. No foam apart from the belly of the snake, obviously. Right.

Two big cola bottles, no fears. And I'm getting a Dr. Pepper, small. Or I'm going to the, if they've got one of them fucking Willy Wonka machines, I'm having Tango,, afanta, no bubbles, grape or fruit punch. I'm having a purple drink in the cinema out of them Willy Wonka Machines. That much ice. And that's your Sunday. On the first weekend of the season, you'd do that. Just like do that Sunday. Might do. Danny McLaughlin, where can we find your stand up clips and your profile?

I haven't got any clips really. I'm on Instagram, Danny MC Comedy. I've got a podcast, like I said, proper ranked podcast. That's what I'm sort of prioritizing at the minute as opposed to putting clips out. So go and check that out. That's it. I live in Hull in Chester, little yellow pig. You're ever there on a Sunday, get in the queue.

Yeah, that's it. Right, then you need to go up the road for your gig, don't you? What, who, who? Should we just maybe mention that arena show that we've just put on sale just before we play some country music? We have, we have already done a pre-roll.

I haven't talked about it. Yeah, I think we just tie it off. How about doing the arena? Live December 20th. LiveNation.co.uk, search have a word. All the tickets that are remaining will be there. The pre-sale, like we started recording this today just after the pre-sale went live and it's well on its way to being a very early sell out to go and get them.

Nah. It's a new band called K-Est state and this is their tune. Are you feeling alive? And I think it's a bit of you. It's a good one. Is it? Yeah, I love it. Listen, definitely. Are you feeling alive? Are you feeling alive? Are you feeling alive? It took a while for the sun to come out today As it peered through the rainfall I could see all my problems drift away

And I smiled as the rain cooled The mileage may call I'll see you lay on the skies too busy doing all of us a favor I've found a love for the brightest beams today Now all my neighbors can't see your light But I'll always say there's hope In the love you're riding So are you feeling alive? Breaking you goodbye

With the plans outside You wanna go for a ride? Are you feeling alive now, lately? Are you feeling alive? Are you feeling alive now? Are you feeling alive? Are you feeling alive? Are you feeling alive? Feel the sun in your eyes Change your state of mind Find your paradise Are you feeling alive now? Are you feeling alive? Are you feeling alive now? Are you feeling alive? I think I'll sleep a few extra weeks tonight

Cause we're the short way down here in living And I feel it all right So don't you ever say that you're alone No, it's all perverse when you get home I'll tell you it's open, I'll open when you get home I'll tell you it's alright baby, right where the turn of the tide I'm breaking you goodbye, with the bills outside You wanna go for a ride, are you feeling alive now? Are you feeling alive now? Are you feeling alive now in you? Are you feeling alive now in you?

Can the sun in your eyes change the state of mind? Find your paradise Are you feeling alive now in you? Are you feeling alive now in you? I feel alive I feel alive I feel alive I feel alive