Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #340 with Hatty Preston & Danny McLoughlin - Have A Word w/Adam, Dan & Carl

Episode Date: August 3, 2025

Tickets for the ARENA SHOW, merch and loads more available on our website! https://haveawordpod.comTickets for Have A Word Live shows as well as Adam and Dan's tours and previews:Adam's Tour: https://www.adamrowe.comDan's Tour: https://dannightingale.comComedian's Club Chester: https://www.comediansclubchester.comDan & Finn's September Karaoke Party: https://www.skiddle.com/e/40966945Listen to Finn's music: https://bio.to/FinnlayKAs Adam and Dan said, don't miss out on all of our extra content, we've got one of the best value Patreons in the game. An extra 90+ minute episode every week plus loads of bonus content such as the now infamous Lockdown Lock-ins, the Nashville & Amsterdam specials and our Ghost Hunts! What are you waiting for? Sign up now at https://patreon.com/haveawordpod​Get subscribed to Have A Word Highlights: https://youtube.com/haveawordhighlightsThanks to this week's sponsors:Huel | https://huel.com/haveawordpodGet Huel today with this exclusive offer for New Customers of TEN Pounds OFF + a FREE Gift with code haveawordpod at https://huel.com/haveawordpod (Minimum £60 purchase)Saily | https://saily.com/Download SAILY in your app store and use our code HAVEAWORD at checkout to get an exclusive 15% off your first purchase or go to https://saily.com/haveaword 🌍Lovehoney | https://lovehoney.co/word_podcastLove how you love and take 20% off site wide to unlock sexual happiness and discover a happier you with promo code: AFF-WORD20Manscaped | https://manscaped.com20% off with promo code: WORD20NordVPN | https://nordvpn.com/haveawordEXCLUSIVE NordVPN Deal ➼ Try it risk-free now with a 30-day money-back guaranteeMerch:https://haveawordpod.comADAM ROWE and DAN NIGHTINGALE are two award winning comedians from Liverpool & Preston, respectively. They are two of the UK's most highly regarded stand-ups and have both performed all over the world. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What's happening lids, before we start this week's episode of the podcast, I've got to tell you my brand new stand up special What's Wrong With Me is out right now on the Have A Word YouTube channel. That's youtube.com slash have a word pod if you're listening on audio and if you watch it on YouTube, you're already there. It's the best thing I've ever done. The production value is insane. The reaction has already been insane.

And I only released it like an hour ago. So I'm very grateful to everyone who's going to watch it, but do us a favor. If you enjoy it, like it, leave a comment, and especially share it, put it in your WhatsApp groups, put it in your Instagram stories, spread the word for us. Let's blitz the views we did on my last special. I'm really proud of this one.

Not just the stand up, like obviously I'm proud of the hour of stand up that I wrote and it went well all over the country, but the amount of work and effort and attention to detail that will be and the rest of the team have put in to creating this product is just levels above, above anything we've ever done before. And I can't wait to see what everyone thinks of it. So what's wrong with me? Full standup special out now on the podcast YouTube channel that's youtube.com slash have a word pod. Watch it, like it, share it.

Appreciate it and I'll see you soon. Enjoy the episode. It's class. Welcome to the have a word podcast. I'm here with my good friend and business partner, Carl. And my God, we've achieved a lot on this podcast in the last five and a half years. Ooh, it doesn't get any bigger than this.

We are back with a podcast live show at the Arena in Liverpool on Saturday, the 20th of December. It's gonna be a podcast extravaganza. Stand up in the first half, booze in the break. And then we have a podcast live show. We have essentially a party. If you were there three years ago, you know how good it gets.

It's just a celebration of everything. Have a word. Are you excited about this, Carl? I'm so excited because the names you've got lined up are going to change how you view podcasts, mate. How have they got him? How have they got him? How have they got them? Yeah it's going to be an amazing podcast party right before Christmas. It'll be the last thing you do just before Christmas and then you shut it down for Christmas, Gooch and New Year's Eve.

Imagine this for one second, I love the Have Away podcast. Wow I love them boys, I've watched it for five years. Wow I'm going to give it a miss, start that arena. It's not for me. January comes. Everyone's going, did you hear about the arena? Can you believe it? You don't know a thing, mate. You're out of the loop.

No one even likes you anymore. So you can get- Don't be that guy or girl. Buy a ticket. Tickets, Live Nation and also- HaveAWordPod.com. Yeah, that's the one. Go to our website. And also sign up to the Patreon. Patreon.com. Yeah, that's the one go to our website and also sign up to the patreon patreon.com

Slash have a word pod for the biggest patron in the UK and one of the biggest in the world That's us. Don't be the guy who goes I didn't go because I went shopping instead Silly Billy that was a really good pre-roll. Cheers. We did really well there. You were great on today's episode as ever Thank you. I was a great episode with Insert Name. Don't you agree? I love Insert Name. Yeah. Enjoy. Finn, this is the one and only Have Award. Brought to you by Manscape, the very best products on the market for below the waist

grooming. Go Ed, get on me. Hey, it's 9am. Here? What do you mean? 9am here? Why would that be the time of another? It's like the radio. You answer what time of another. It's like the radio.

So what time is it? We're like the radio is the time depends on what time's on you. You might have a new skill. Let's guess. How about you? It's 1016 at home. You sound like them Alkies that are like it's five o'clock somewhere. It's why in a class. So Dan is facing some allegations,

so he can't make it this week. So we've got a man who's recently beat some allegations in his place. We're all a bit tired, because it's 9 a.m. Just to give you, we've just been talking about it. We were filming a TV pilot in London last night, me, Carl, Harry, and we got me mate to pick me up. That seemed like a really good idea when I had a,

Jeremy and the getting back last night. It was the only idea though, for us to be here now. No, well, we could have gone to like, I figured this out. We could have probably had more sleep if we'd stayed in London. You wouldn't have, because you'd have been worrying about

getting up in the morning. Right, I did that anyway. And missing the train. Oh no, no, I had to worry about getting up to get here anyway. But what if, at least you know you can get back, what if like you wake up in the morning and it's like, oh, it's a real replacement

or the train's canceled or whatever. Yeah, yeah, that's always a gamble, sir. You've gotta get back if you can. You've gotta get back. Yeah, you're always a get back man. Oh, I'm straight, yeah, Chris Ria and me. Do you remember when we played footy and- Driving home for anything, maybe Christmas.

I'll drive home, I'll drive home for Eid, me. Like, I'm not bothered, me. I'll drive home for Hanukkah, Eid, whatever the Buddhist one is. Driving home for Medjinnaday too. Driving home for Diwali. I can't wait to see those fireworks. That's me mate. Honestly drive home for anything. The chase. When we lived together we did quite a few like car shares because you got me some gigs. And you couldn't drive. And I couldn't drive.

So that's how that works. But you don't even like a stop, do you? You just want a fucking. Straight back mate. Stop's annoying me because the time on the thing is now a lie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We get home at half-leave, we won't, will we?

Yeah, exactly. Because you're made to drive backwards in 20 minutes. Well, here's the thing last night when we got in the car, it said we'd get home at 10 to four, which stunk. And then we took 10 minutes off, then we stopped for 10 minutes. That's fine, though. But then we took that 10 minutes off again.

So we got to mine at 20 to four, after the stop, after the initial ETA. That felt good, don't it? I felt awake and alive. That was great. I got to sleep quick though. We did New Year on the M6 once, remember that? When we did Saltburn for New Year's Eve.

Oh yeah. And like, they were all like, are you staying for it? I was like, nah, mate. Straight in. You were in the car for it. Just past Leedseds happy new year on the m6 bothered beat the hormones

don't care in the car I don't really care about me is either no it's rubbish it's also holidays you give us your spot though holidays where are you America yeah all right, Wisconsin. No. Not even Christmas? What do you mean? Like, I'd pull over on Christmas Eve to celebrate. No, no, no, but like, how do you feel?

Do you get giddiness for any? Oh, I love Christmas, me. Oh, good. But I don't know, I like, I think Christmas should stop at like 10 in the morning on Christmas day. Or as soon as, no, no, hold on, as soon as you've had your dinner. It's not 10 in the morning. No, I know, but like four o'clock actually.

I'm a quite late dinner, having on Christmas. Three me, always three. Because my auntie's a slow, she's a cook in an old people's home. Right. She goes there in the morning... She watches her fellow get well-eaten. Yeah. She goes there and cooks.

Dead slow. The cook in the old people's home is... The cook's eating in the bath. It's really good. You can sit in the bath and do it. She's the family chef. So she gets home from work about two and she's prepped. So we don't need to like, I mean now I host, but I'm now I'm stuck in that. That's my tradition. Now we eat a four like our four. That's all right.

I think we're usually finished with the, you know, the cakes and the stuff at the end. Do you like leave the table and come back or do you stay Right. My. What do you mean? So like you've eaten your dinner. Yeah. And then you're like, I wait like maybe half an hour before they have me dessert because I've been quite big. So people will leave and clean the table and come back. I don't have a dessert on Christmas really. But even a cheese board? No. Cheese board? It's not a dessert. It is a dessert. We have a big chiacu city board, like a bastard. Like the length of the table, class tray. You don't want to have any. I we have a big chiacu titty bud, like a bastard, like the length of the table, class traitor. You don't want to have any. I just, I basically have another full dinner again,

between two pieces of bread about an hour and a half later. No, we don't have like gato and stuff. French cake. Yeah, there's the cake. one likes that you put there and set on fire, cause you've got to. And then there's the cake. I haven't cheat out. I, we're, my family's like the dingles, mate. We don't, no one speaks to each other. So for years, right, genuinely, until last year, cause my nan's getting on

and she didn't want to do a full dinner. She'd do the dinner, I mean, just me nan, on her own. And then I'd go and my uncle would go, who's got a family. And he'd go and eat his dinner with me and Anne and me. And his family, their dinner at theirs, their mom's, they're just, because it's just not a, it's not a thing. We just go and have the dinner because it's amazing. And then I just go home. Like there's no like pump. There's no like fucking. Oh, see, I'm trying to keep the pump crackers. And I don't want to feel like I'm growing up. No white people. But it was never that. Yeah. There was never any, any of that growing up. It was always, we've not, it's so weird.

Like I look at other people's Christmas, Christmas, everyone else's Christmas looks like the start of Home Alone. And mine just looks like, oh, we have a really nice dinner at the same time that we'd normally have. Basically, if Christmas is on a Sunday, you know, every now and again, it's the same. It's no different your week. It's literally the same, but me nan had moved the two seat table in the front room

instead of having it in the kitchen. It's not, it's never been a thing like that. See, for me, it's not that I'm not trying to grow up. I am trying to grow up and be the host. Like this year will be the most, well, I think the same as I did last year, but like in my house this year. So me and my missus, I said,

I'm gonna be cooking Christmas dinner. She's gonna have so many dishes to do when we're done. My dad, my brother will come. Dad's coming. And I've invited Jack Finnegan in his mind. We don't know what we're doing this year. We went away. We wanted to go away for the friends Christmas,

but everyone said no. You one of them go for curry people. I'm really, I hate them people. I want to be at home with my family, but we've done it now for ages. And telling us like, let's just go away, me and you, or like with all the friends and all. I don't know what we do.

Little Christmas corner. I like the idea of going and doing friend Christmas the week before or the week after. Like uni, like uni people do, because they have to get out their houses. Like they have it on like the eighth of December. No, I love, I wanna keep it, like I love like all the Christmas to this year, me, and I wanna keep it going forever. I get I love, I want to keep it like, I love like all the Christmas tradition me

and I want to keep it going forever. I get sad though me about, that's why I want it to be done at four, like after me dinner, if everyone's just like, right, normal now, because it's just like, I know boxing day is good for its own reasons, like the footies on and that, but this year, well, yeah, exactly. But it is quite sad.

It's just done now. It's January tomorrow, isn't it? Yeah, but why is that? Because then the gooch starts. No, I'm not just- You're not a gooch man? No, I'm not a gooch man. I'm not Graham Gooch.

That is the guy I look forward to the most. I am Graham Gooch in so many ways. I love that gooch. I love my gooch. I like playing with both of them. Like they're great. Yeah, I'm not. I'm very much a light, right?

Come on. The clocks will be back soon. We'll have the hour. Like I just wanna get to the end of March now. What do you like, Don? Well, I like Boxing Day for a different reason. Oh yeah, Hot Boxing Day does. But. Smokes the weed.

What's your post dinner stuff? Cause ours, like you said, with dessert, ours is clear the table and board games go on the dinner table. Oh, remind me not to come to yours. We do it as well. It's good, isn't it? Yeah, no, not for me. By board games, I mean like Cards Against Humanity and stuff. I remember having to teach my nan what a bukkake was,

and that was... Physically. At the table? Listen, I'll just show you. Dad, it's easier I'll just show you. It's easier for a show, yeah. Come on. Boys. Now I need some jizz on my face.

And then she goes, oh, this. I don't call it this. I call it Tuesday. We call it something else down the big, you know. Yeah, the desserts come out and then board games come out and stuff and games and... The best part of Christmas day is the post and a nap. I'm going for a lie down. I'm having an hours' kip.

Oh no, because then you're wasting Christmas. No, I'm not wasting Christmas. You are gonna sleep. I'm not wasting it, I'm enjoying it. Yeah. We can nap any day. You can have... Shall we all do it on Christmas then?

You can have turkey any day. You can play Scrabble any day. I don't nap. I'm not a Christmas day napper. Do you know what, Christmas day, maybe half 11 midnight, I'm like, right, I've had a boss day. I'm happy. I'm still in the pub then.

Unless you haven't a full day, haven't slept or. I go home, put the fire on, and there's a full slate of NBA basketball on Christmas night. So that's tradition. And the NFL, the NFL has Christmas day games. So normally by the time I get the boozer, the NFL's on, ah, it's fucking class.

So get up, presents, fucking little bit of bacon, but see whatever. And your first beer, glass of wine, little Prosecco with orange juice in it. What'd you call that? A Barini? A Mimosa. A Mimosa.

I thought I'd be old Barini. He was in a gig once, you know, that Comedy Store Freight Ireland gig. Fuck off. He was just sat there and I just carried on. I just like give him a little like, cause I, when there's famous people in, I like to let them look, I know you are,

but I'm not going to bother you. And fucking Andrew Ryan was on, it was like he was trying to sign him on football manager. He was just like talking to him, trying to win him over, like just chatting to him. It's like leave him alone. And I'll see my morning is wake up early seven. I'll never not do that.

Cause I want the Christmas to be long, presents, and then I'll watch the Simpsons for like three hours and then I'll never not do that. Cause I want the Christmas to be long. Presents, and then I'll watch the Simpsons for like three hours and then I'll get ready. So me it's presents, do a bacon butty, have my first beer. Then as soon as that's all done, everyone's had like a little bite to eat, presents are done.

I'm on dinner duties until it's ready. And then as soon as the dinner's done, cause dinner duties right up to a plate and all, until it's ready. And then as soon as the dinner's done, because dinner duties right up till plating up, eat it straight away. I've now been up for nine hours working me fucking little cotton socks off, need a little kip, then up, after shave, after shave, tits and bits shower, boozer.

This episode's gonna bang in five months. I'm ready for it though, you know? Like, I'm really like- Nah, 4 know? Like, I'm really like... Nah, 4pm darkness now please. No. No, I'm not quite there yet, but I'm ready for autumn. Yeah, it's the best bit. I think the best thing, the best time is like,

sunny in the day. It's like the end of August, September, because it's sunny in the day, starts going cold at eight, dark for nine. That's the Jeff's kiss. Yeah. Dark at four is horrible. Nah.

You little farmer. Leave an ear in the dark. Yeah, it's great because you feel all like, ooh. I know what you mean. You feel all like nice and global. Nah, I feel a little, ooh. Yeah, but do you reckon you've got seasonal affective disorder? Yes. Do you reckon you do? Have've got seasonal affective disorder? Yes.

Do you reckon you do? Yeah. Have you got a LumiLamp? No. My therapist told me to get one, but I don't got one. Have you been diagnosed with it? No.

Sad. I'm just sad. I've already made that, make it sad. Is that just you? Did they do that? Did they start backwards? Yeah, do death.

The backronym. Yeah. Is that when you're sad at Christmas or sad at winter? Seasonal affective disorder is being affected by the lack of sunlight. Like a plant. Yeah. Yeah. He's just like pop plant. Any. Yeah. But you can get a lamp called a loomy lamp or like there's others exist and it mimics sunlight in your house. It's like you was on like good morning. Others exist. But we've got one in the bedroom and it mimics the sun coming up. Oh right yeah.

Oh see I just don't close me curtains. What? Yeah but, Harry. Yeah. The sun doesn't come up if you can't open either. Because it's the winter. Yeah but it gets a little bit brighter. What?

It gets up at five in the morning and it's pitch black. So I need the sunlight. I never close, see the, I never close my curtains but the problem is now when the sun rises at like five. I never open them. Why would you not? What happens when you get undressed? I live in Wigan. No one's there.

Everyone's got the cock out in the windows. No one's getting undressed. I just leave them open. Cause I feel like it wakes me up naturally. Cause I also have like 30 alarms. Yeah, I'm a bad alarm. Then like this morning I just kept on snoozing all of them. I just get into like a muscle memory.

I hold it there and as soon as I hear the noise I just press the button on the side. Like, I can't tell you how pointless some of my alarms are. It drives me Mrs. fucking insane. Yeah. I'll say three alarms, 10 minutes before I wanted to be, when I wanted to be and 10 minutes after, and then they all went together.

So I'm a 15 man me. So this morning I was like, I've got to be up, got to be up by quarter to eight. So half seven, quarter to eight, eight o'clock. 10 past eight, you got up. So I'm every five minutes for the hour before. What? And then-

No! What? I can show you. I'm at every five- Every five minutes for the hour before you need to be up? Yeah, but I'm like spazzy, aren't I? Yeah, yeah, you are, yeah. How do you keep track of where you are in the hour?

It's all like- You're a fuckmate. I just have all these. Nah. Fucking hell. And then say like today I had to be out by like 10 to, I also have one at 49. Cause then it's like, if I do use that, then it will just go back on.

You'd be awake by then, cause it's sunlight coming through. Yeah. You just have to get, you just wake you up so you can listen to 17 alarms. Why are you disturbing you sleep an hour before you need to? Because I can't just wake up and then go straight to go time. Yeah, that's what the 10-15 minutes is for. You don't need an hour of it. Yeah, no, I think I do. No, no, no, no, you don't. Harry, this would only make sense.

If you were getting up an hour before you had to do anything. No, but for an hour, I'm just like awake. Yeah, we're not saying. You think that's a good healthy thing to do. Don't you struggle with the vitamin that sleep brings and you have to have tablets. Oh no, it's not the vitamin, but the sleep-based epilepsy. That's why I do the, do it for long.

Because if I wake up and then go downstairs for breakfast, I'd lob me fucking bowl everywhere. Well, like Wallace and Gromit. You need to fucking slide into your pants and then there's a fucking tray with a spoon on with the cocoa pops and that. Stop doing that to yourself. No, it helps.

Ellie hates me. No, it doesn't help. Like it wakes her up. You don't know that it doesn't help? Try half an hour, cut down and then see if you can then yeah, wean yourself off it with like methadone, like alarm methadone. If it doesn't work, I then like call body pop, right? What do you think's happening in your brain for that hour? Cause it does no benefit to any of it. You're basically, you're literally destroying any rest you've had.

Probably, yeah. Well, I don't know, it's like, it'd be- What I like to do is have a good six hour sleep and then 12 five minute mini sleeps. Yeah, you may- Like today, so I cut off, I was like, I'll only do it for the half an hour before, because we got in late.

Okay, whoa. Mad guy. And it didn't really work. I then woke up five minutes I cut off, I was like, I'll only do it for the half an hour before because we got in late. My guy. And it didn't really work. I then woke up five minutes before we meant to be here. When would you normally have got up? An hour before. Oh, but like an hour before. I'm confused here. So right. Like take me through this. So you're in your little Wigan house, yeah? In your little cupboard house, your little fucking, is that the one where you can't go in the kitchen? No, that's in, in. By the way, if you don't know what we're talking about, that was on last week's Patreon when it wasn't on our public.

Are you not allowed in his kitchen after seven o'clock at night? Are you one of the Dursleys? Why the fuck, right? What the fuck? Why, why are you not allowed in the kitchen? It's just in case I've dated the kitchen. Are you the gremlins?

Is that why the curtains are open so you don't eat after dark? You always know when it's light. You're like, Oh, Oh no. In case he deities the kitchen. Sully's it in case you sully the kitchen. My dad's like, I don't want to have to clean up. And I was like, Oh no, I'll clean up. He's like, No, I mean, he's the scout. Isn't it mad when you get a little bit older,

when you realize that all your parents are autistic, that's what it is. Cause when you grow up, you just think you fucking dad's a bit mad that he has to have his car right outside his front windows because you think he doesn't trust the local neighborhood kids. But then you realize that it's just, that's all it is. It's just like, cause you think, Oh, old people don't have autism, but yeah, they do. They just did. They haven't been diagnosed.

Three times throughout the evening, I'm like, someone just drove into my car, they're all huddled in there. And I'm ready to go down and fucking kick heads in. Yeah. Do you reckon autism grows on men? Yeah, I think so. Absolutely. Because it must do, because I used to feel normal.

Right. And I really don't anymore. I'm fucking mad. Don't you just care? No, I think autism grows in men in the same way that racism grows in men. And it's not that it grows, it's just that you just give less of a fuck about it

as you get older. You know, like the old guys are like, fuck it, I'm gonna say it now. It's like that, but with autism, they're like, fuck it, I'm not gonna have me eggs, It's like that, but with autism, they're like, fuck it, I'm not going to have me. Get away from my car. And this is the autism. I'm not a racer.

And then he, get away from my car. And then he switches. Yeah. And then he does the racist bit. Cause I put my car inside my bay window of a car. And then when a car comes out and tries to do a three point turn, I will just stand in my Bay window and watch them. Honestly, what I'm like, yeah, that's on hips.

I'm like, that's my car. Come on, do a good job. I think my dad's about a month away from standing in his bin or dressing like a bush in a cartoon or a post box, you know, just to see it fucking next door goes near his mocker. I'd love to pop up. I'm such a cairns, which you know, you've got an RDB. You got an RDB. It's an RDB. Ring doorbell. I have yet to nest. But yeah. All right. And then you're on it all the time. I talk to the Pokesman a lot, do I? When they ring the bell, that's very autistic. When he walks by, hey,

when they ring the bell, when he walks by, when they get bored, sometimes if someone walks by, I'm in the cellar. Yeah. I've a, I've got a simply safe system. Right. So the doorbell is just the doorbell. I came with the house. It sounded like birth controller, like a coil. I'm just wearing a condom now. I'm on simply safe. It's a, so it's just a normal old ding dong. Right. Classic ding dong, right? But there's a camera, and if anyone comes near me front door, that camera sort of acts like a ring doorbell.

Like I get a notification to me phone, and then I can go on that and speak to him through that. But it comes from above, so they feel like God's talking to them. Like they do react like that. They look at the doorbell as well because they look up because the sound is very obviously coming from above the red. So I'll go, hello mate. You're like, you just see them go like, like their times come. Hello mate. Yeah, this is going to be your last few minutes on it, so if you wanna send any text messages. The best thing we've ever done.

You need to get a spotlight. I am getting a life for the first bit. You need to get a really heavy spotlight. Like Mr. Bean. The best thing we ever invented was Ring Doorbells. Nah. It's the best thing since Ring Doorbells, yeah. Unbelievable, it's so good.

Not the wheel or electricity. Or the chase. Okay. I think in the last 10 years, 10 years. Ooh, that's a great question. You love AI though. I do love AI. I think it's made things easier. Is that not better than a ring doorbell? Do you think technology ever makes things easier truly in the long run? Yeah, because I managed to knock somebody out of a package and I'm not home. And usually that went back to the post office. But instead I went, hey, mate, can you put it in the safe place? And that's made my life easier because I don't have to go to the post office. Yeah, no, I think there's a few exceptions to it. But I do think generally technology just eventually just becomes a need rather than a luxury. While

stuff is a luxury. I think it makes things easier. And as soon as it's a necessity, like phones used to be a luxury. And it was like, I can call anyone whenever I want. But now, if you haven't got a phone, you can't live. Like when cars were invented, it was like, I can get to the next town over a little bit quicker now. I don't have to, you know, saddle me or something, take two days to get to Wigan. Like, you know, get me for focus now and drive right to get to Wigan. Like you can now get me Ford Focus now and drive right over and now to work.

You've got- I know that was so quick. That was so quick. Not even like a fucking Talbot, like straight in from horse to Ford Focus. Wait till Harry gets curtains. It's gonna be mad in Wigan. It's a, yeah, like technology,

when it becomes a necessity, nothing's gonna be mad in Wigan. It's, yeah, like technology, when it becomes a necessity, nothing's easier. But it becomes, I think, I don't know, cause I'm not like the guy, but I think it becomes a necessity because they, it's the way that it's introduced by capitalism, isn't it? Like with Netflix, where they go, yeah, have that, go on, have that for a quid, just have that for a quid.

And it's all you'll ever watch. And then they go, is that all you ever watch? You're like, yes, 18 quid now. And your nan has to get her own. Well, have you seen the black, have you seen the season of black mirror? No. So there's a... The Rashida Jones episode. It's really good. So they, she, this is not a spoiler. She has an accident. She has a brain aneurysm. And someone goes, she's dead, but we're a new company, we can fix it.

We can put a thing in her head that'll bring her back. But it's basically a cloud and we run the cloud. It's a really small fee, nominal fee. And they're like, sick, she's back, she's back. But then he starts introducing all these things. We're like, right, if you want us to go here, you're gonna pay that. Or you want us to not have that, you're gonna pay that.

And then in the end they're like, I'll just die instead. Yeah, this is what you want us to go here, you're gonna pay that. Or you want us to not have that, you're gonna pay that. And then in the end, they're like, I'll just die instead. Yeah, no spoilers. No spoilers though. The end of the episode. Oh, I thought the end of the episode would be rings up to try and cancel his misses.

And they're like, no, no, no. She's waiting. But then they're like, oh, you can have it for another month. And then he just keeps doing that. Just keeps threatening to cancel. I'm gonna leave her. Yeah.

But yeah, you are right when it becomes, that's what that is, isn't it? Like you need it. Oh, now we're gonna make it. Yeah, but I think that's everything. I think honestly, we'd all be just as happy a hundred years ago, fucking- Watches.

On our skateboards, fucking using the sun to tell the time. The time. A hundred years ago, fucking watches on our skateboards, fucking using the sun to tell the time the time 100 years ago on skateboard. Yeah, we've gone from awesome cats to Ford Mondays or whatever in like a week. Skateboard. Then it took a century. What happened at the end of the World War One? Everyone got on a skateboard.

Here's your skateboard. That's why they all die because you can't skate in the trenches. Like they were all trying to skate on barbed wire. Like it was... A hundred years ago, was that cars? Yeah. Really? The start of cars, like early cars, isn't it?

That car's too now. You're too rich to have one, but there was cars. I think it's the end of the 19th century, isn't it? Cars. Right, so there you go. So it's possible a hundred years ago, we wouldn't have had cars. It's probably for all the billionaires of the day. What was it? Skateboards and looking at the sun, was it?

So what was it? How would they get around? Like weirdly, it wouldn't surprise me if skateboards were invented after cars. Skateboards were invented in the 60s, right? In the other 50s. You've seen Back to the Future. Yeah.

I haven't. Wow, skateboards were after cars. Yeah. You haven't seen Back to the Future. I don't want to talk about, I've spoke about it. Like I think I spoke about it on here. Like, and also there's some, we're not allowed to talk about food.

Cause I looked at the comments on the last one and they're like, talk about food. I think it's me. That is mad. I know you'd love it as well. I haven't seen it either, to be fair. You would love it. Right, in the break,

I'll tell you a really funny story pertaining to back to the future. But I'm not telling it on that. Oh, it's cause you're scared to get Parkinson's? No. But I am. I am. Don't get me wrong, I am.

Well, everyone is. But I'm saying you don't get it by watching it. No, it's not that. It's funnier than that. Believe it or not. It's funnier than getting Parkinson's. But why aren't we doing it here? Because it involves some IP that I still might utilise.

Oh, such a joke. No. I still might utilize. Oh, such a joke. No, I'll tell you, I'll tell you in a break. Do you know what I really wanna get back to, Harry? I want you to take me through your morning. Before we do this, can I just ask, while we're talking about inventions and stuff, because it is pertinent,

and I'm sure someone in here knows, and if not, it's been spoke about, why is the snooze nine minutes? On a minus 10. I don't know actually. What? On the iPhone it's nine minutes. Yeah.

The default nine minutes. I know, and alarm clocks used to be nine minutes. It's never been a decimal like that, like a- Is it so you're constantly getting a minute back for the hour maybe? Maybe, I don't know. But that's how I do my alarms, is I do 10 minutes before I'm meant to get up.

So I'll do one 10 minutes. And then you'll snooze it. Snooze it minutes and then you'll snooze it for nine and then I'll have one a minute later. That's really good time management. That's what I do. Ten minutes. Yeah. But then, I'm sure you get an hour back before. So if you snooze it that many times you've got. But if you snooze it that many times you're in. Then no one wants that.

How many times would you have to do that to get a 90? You'd have to snooze it 60 times to get an 60 times. You'd get 10 minutes back, wouldn't you? Right, okay, so. No, you get six. For an hour? Oh yeah, of course you would. An hour. That's six minutes though.

The snooze is just, on a phone now is from the original clocks and that's because they couldn't perfectly align the gears to achieve a 10 minute snooze. So it was either just less than 10 minutes or nine minutes. So they've just stuck with nine minutes on it. Right. Well, mine's a Chinese phone and they were smarter. So they got 10 minutes.

Right. So I- Right, right. Let me just set the thing up because I am confused by this, okay? So let's say you're in here. Let's say it's a standard have a word pod record day. We're in for 10 a.m.

Yeah. Right, takes you how long to commute? Are we going from Wigan or are we going from Bersko? Cause if we're going from Wigan- Pick his counter. Pick breakfast up on the way cause he's not allowed in the kitchen. Okay.

Say it. If we go from Wigan, it's gonna go, look, cause he can only step on every third stair on the way down. Say it's from Wigan, it's going to go look, because he can only step on every third stair on the way down. Say it's from Wigan, so I'll get up at seven. Up? No, yeah. So I'll say I'll have a long quarter to seven.

And then at seven and then it'll be then every five minutes after that. That's more normal. What you said before was. Up until half seven. You get up at half seven? Yeah, I get up at half seven. Yeah, probably half seven. But I'm kind of properly awake at seven a little bit.

I know what you mean, because if I'm asleep and I have to wake up, I'm fucked. I have to wake myself up before I wake up. But I'm now at his, I'm sort of 10 minutes and it's fucked. Strayed out of bed, mate, like a music video. I can just get up before I wake up. But now it is, I'm sort of 10 minutes as well. I'm straight out of bed me, like a music video. I can just get up and just get out. Yeah, I went through a system where I feel like poo. I do that in the bath, if I'm gonna do that,

I do that in the bathroom when I can't go back to sleep. So I just get myself to the bathroom, lean on the sink. And then if I'm gonna go like, I can at least do the water thing and that. In uni, I used to jump out of bed, but I wasn't getting enough iron. So I was getting like fucking spots in front of me. Right.

So, right. If we're in the near the 10, your alarm is on a quarter to seven. Yeah. In the hope of being up by half seven. Yeah. And then I'll, often, it depends if what route my,

if my mom's in work early, she can sometimes give me a lift to the canal. Otherwise. Pretty bad. On a barge. She's the moment at a barge. Otherwise. Off to the canal to get a wash and have our breakfast.

Cause it's a ball, like leave my car, like near the train station. Where do you live? What era? Harry, do you want to live to the canal, son? I need to pick up a bag of coal. I can't imagine where your house might be. Where getting a lift to the canal would be more convenient than just going from your house. Why do you have to get a lift to the canal? Why doesn't she take you to the fucking bus station

or the train station? Because Wigan has a one way system, it's a ball lake for her to get to it. She doesn't want to have to be stuck in that for me. So she just leaves me at the canal. And then what do you do? Go over the lock? Do you have to open the lock? If I know that my mum can give me a lift, I'll wake up a bit later. But like if, so if my mom can't give me a lift, I'll walk to the train station. Right. Just about 45 minutes. 45 minutes? What? I'm not sure you know. Or get a bike. No, because it's a ball later part. There was times where I parked near the, near the canal, but then people kept on ragging my wing mirrors because you've got wing mirrors. Whoa. This

is a question. I don't think it's been asked on here before. Can you ride a bike? I asked them in private. LAUGHTER Genuinely, and I know the answer is... Yeah. Yeah. I think I can, not with much confidence. I was made to in Germany, and... Why? When was you in Germany? 1939? That's what they did. They made everyone ride bikes. Do you want to live to the train station? I think I'm all right. Can you take me to the canal instead?

But yeah, because we had to like cycle to the part, like the city park or something. I kept on getting beeped by everyone because I was just kind of like swaying a little bit. And then there was a bit for when I was doing some filming of videos for the India special and I tried to ride the BMX. I fell over in my head where you live. Looks like, you know, them like little mats that you play cars on where you've got like Harry's house, the shop, the train station. That's not far off. He's moving to the pillow. Yeah. The big smoke. But so then once it takes me, it takes me 40 minutes or whatever to get to the train station and then it's 50 minutes on the train. Is it a locomotive? What? Well, no. So there were two trains, to be fair. So the Polar Express!

When you move to the pool, you are going to be unbelievably well rested. So one of them takes like 30 minutes, but I have to get there early and I want the extra sleep in bed. Harry, don't do the wall! No, because there's multiple reasons. One, I don't want to kind of leave my car out like near the canal and also it makes me walk back and I get my steps in. But then sometimes it rains and then I have to walk back in the rain and it's quite depressing. For 40 minutes.

Yeah. Like the end of a fucking gig. So why can't you leave your car outside the house and then drive to the train station? I've never felt like starting a GoFundMe halfway through work. I leave my car at the house. Why don't you drive to the train station. I've never felt like starting a go fund me halfway through my car. I leave my car at the house. Why don't you drive to the train station? Because I can't leave my car at the train station. Could you leave it near the train station? No, I can leave it near the canal. That's the closest place I can leave. Why don't you drive here? Um, no, he, he goes, sees his car. He's power steering doesn't work at all, like drive me car. You've never seen anyone drive like this man.

It's fucking insane. It's power steering. The corner. Oh my God. So we did a bushcraft special near Sheffield, like in the hills or whatever you call it there. And we were like, right, we're done. Let's go.

There's a booze there, like five miles away. We'll go there and have our lunch. We all got there in about 10 minutes. Half an hour later, we're like, where's Harry? And he was like, there's a lion by the way. Yeah. My clothes were in the van. He was like, oh, I'm halfway to notting in me. I've fucked it. We were like, right. Do you know where you're coming? I was like, oh, I'm halfway to nottingham. They are fucked. They were like, right. Do you know where you come in? I was like, yeah, I'm on my way back, but I'm going to be like half an hour, 40 minutes. We're having one pint like the pub wasn't even serving food.

Yes, we were like, oh, we're just going to have to wait for Harry. I could paint you what I'm about to describe. Yeah, it's been in my money so much. So, you know, like in that part of of the world everything's built on like 27 different levels So the main road went up like that and then there was a little like 10 Bankment like to come like down a road to go into a car park but like Yeah was pavement as well. I

Just pavement as well. I just dragged his car over the pavement in the curb. It was honestly like he was trying to do an endo with his fucking car. He come over it was like. You look like the rock. Like a fucking flight to San Francisco. I just thought it was a bit off road-y but you know what I mean like you know in some like in some parts around there it's like a bit off road-y, but you know what I mean? Like, you know, in some, like in some parts around there, it's like a bit grassy. To the day, as Palestinians, we've broken this car on the motorway, so we turned this car off and on whilst on the motorway.

So quick, how far away from the canal is the train station walking? Ten minutes, about ten minutes. And there's nowhere nearer to the train station you could park a car, there's not like a side street near any? No, because it's all a big one way system. Like people who know Wigan know like nothing. How do you get to a train station in a taxi? I just think I'm fucking down. Maybe they're allowed because it's maybe it's the reason it's one way is because like bus gates and taxi gates. When you say Wigan, are you talking Wigan Northwestern

railway station? Yeah. You can't park. It's got a car park? No not really. It's a short stay car park. No it isn't. It is? No it isn't. I think it is. Wigan Northwestern railway station? Harry there is a short stay one but there's also a multi-story car park. LAUGHTER No, you'd rather go to the canal. You've been swimming up the canal every day. Oh, I've lived there for a year and a half. Harry's been getting up an hour early to get the 45-minute walk to the canal,

when you could just... £4.20 a day. LAUGHTER BANGS LAUGHTER Are you at least getting your steps in? LAUGHTER Oh, I think I'm going to cry. Oh, all the hours sleep you've lost. Yeah. Oh, I'm snoozes like 14 hours a week. You are the epitome of you snooze you lose. You've been snoozing and losing for over a year.

Where? What do you mean? It just says Wigan North West Multi-Story Car Park is at the train station. I thought it was only a short stay. There is a short stay one, but there's also a multi-story. It's next to it. I don't know how you've not seen it when you've been walking there. Because I come from the other way. You can't.

No, no, no. I'm on foot. You can go anywhere on foot. Wiggins quite progressive like that. You go anywhere on foot down here. On my life, I had no idea that that was a thing. I think I kind of can guess where you mean though, like the big car park. The big multi storey, the big tower of cars. Yeah. I thought that was a car shop. Before NC Peastern for not car park. He was like, oh no, it's not a car park.

You silly Billy. I thought it was all short stay. Well now you know. That's made me feel sick. Short stay, multi storey car park. 10 minutes. For those thousands of cars every day. Drop off only.

It's only small. I was like, I'm not going to do that. Well, that's made me feel short. Stay multi-story car park for those thousands of cars every day. I was quite an obvious car park. Like it's a massive car park. I reckon that's five stories. It's a five story. I don't, I'm not observing. I don't look.

I mean, it might be five stories, but we've got one good story. We've not got some sleep back. Yeah. Well, and then when I move, it's like a 20 minute commute. I'm going to be a new man. Me. You are you walking or are you driving? Um, straight training. You're going to be near like old bro. No, something like that. Yeah. Yeah. Like the oral park way. Yeah. All the Mexican quarter of heightened. Oh, you moved to the Mexican. Yeah. Like the oral park way. All the Mexican quarter of heighten. Oh, you moved to the Mexican. Yeah. I want to keep them. They have a dress secret. I just thought I'd join in. It's not oral park. Oh, there you go. There's an exclusive Harry's movements and not at

all. Genuinely though is, is there a Mexican quarter of heightened or? This derives from Dan did a gig once on Lark Lane, which was referred to as the Bohemian quarter because of its wacky whatever. And Dan went, oh, it's lovely in the Bavarian quarter. Right. And then some people I know moved into that area and then joking. Klaus and that.

Yeah. And then Dan was like, oh, you don't live there. You live in the Spanish quarter of Highton because I'm half Spanish. Right. That's where the joke derives. Oh, so it's not an actual. No, no, no.

Right, okay. That'd be insane. That'd be mad, wouldn't it? Yeah. I'd like it though. A little Spanish area. There's just a lot of Mexicans in Highton. Two Chihuahuas fighting.

End of the section. Yeah. We're done. Let's have a break. Press the big red button. Welcome back to part two. What are we doing, Finn? We've got some advice. Okay. This first one is anonymous. Send your advice into have a word pod at gmail.com or if you're a patron, you get VIP access. Need some anonymous parents and advice lads. My little lad is in year four and his primary school is absolutely obsessed with pokemon cards. We don't buy him any and his mum doesn't want to

waste the money but I've noticed him coming back from school with more and more pokemon cards. I asked him how he brought them back and he said he got really sheepish. I pushed him and he admitted to me that he's been going into- Pushed him? Me again? Get me some. I pushed him and 75 Pokemon cards fell out of his pocket. He admitted to me that he's been going into people's trays in the classroom and secretly skimming Pokemon cards

from everyone's piles. He's even got his mates in on it and they give him Pokemon cards as like payment for starting this crime racket. This is obviously out of order, but I'm slightly impressed. What do I do to teach him a lesson? Does he need to give the cards back or do we sweep it under the rug?

What do you mean? Who are these fucking moron kids who are like going, oh, I've lost me chance. Who knows? To be fair, I got my U-Gill card nicked in school. I'll try. Buy your dad for rent going in the kitchen. What, you set for in in school. Yeah. You're going to dad for rent going in the kitchen. What you set for in the kitchen?

Yeah. Give us that black and white. And you're the only one with a child that you're done. What are you doing if you're finding your son Robin the Pokemon cardist? What I would do is I'd get him back in a similar manner. It's like every time that I give him something like a bag of crisps or whatever, just take seven out.

And then he'd be like, well, there's less here. Let's just skim everything. I think that's less verifiable. Like if you've had got a blast, someone's took it. Or like, well, yeah, but they don't know. They don't know what it is by the sounds of it. Cause he's just skimming off the, like, they've got that many cards that they won't notice

till later on. He's not like taking the best ones, is he? He's just taking a few. What was the trading card game of your youth? Uh, Pogs? No, Pogs was later. That's how old I am. It was like premier league 92.

Where? We did Fussy stickers, but like Pokemon cards, and then your cards were like, ah. Too old for all that. There was no cards, everything was stickers. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pogs was like the first card based,

because they were made of cardboard, but other than that, it was all stickers, mate. What was yours, Finn? We had match attacks, and we also had Doctor Who battle cards. No, Finn had- No, no, no. This was a, this was a money making scheme in primary school. That one, 2006, seven- What from BBC? No, no, for like, I got paid 20 quid for a card. I had a rare TARDIS. Someone paid me 20 quid. Oh, yeah, yeah go and play in a yugioh card tournament.

He just gets cooler and cooler baby. every Sunday me and my cousin went and played in a Yu-Gi-Oh! card tournament. Do you remember the shop called Chip Shop 2000? Of course I do. On Slater Street. So they held a weekly Yu-Gi-Oh! card tournament. And we went and me, my cousin and his mate, are the, I'm sure I've told this story before.

Yeah, I think you are, but I can't remember it. It must be so late. Oh, the guy, the guy you ran. How've told this story before. Yeah, I think you are, but I can't remember it. It must be so late. The guy you ran. How old were you? 19. Fuck. Nah. How old were you?

I was a year into the scandal. I was gonna live with you. 12, 13. It must be so mad not being able to play footy. Have you not kissed some women yet? Yeah, but you, for Sunday league, you just go and play Sunday league. I'm not fucking- Sunday league is 12, you know? Under 12, is it? Yeah, I play footy. They've been kissing women yet. Yeah, but you Sunday, you just go and play Sunday league. I'm not fucking.

Sunday league is 12, you know. Under 12. Yeah, I played footy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I never played in a full team. Yeah, no. Cause you were Yu-Gi-Oh-ing. No, it was too good.

They were like stop it. Oh, right, that was it. But I opened the pack once. I used to take like a fiver to each thing and the packs were two pound 50. And I got like a card in it and I was like, oh, that's all right. But it was dead rare rare and there was a lad watching me open it over my shoulder and he was like, I'll give you 250 quid for that card right now, but because I, our collection was

pulled with me, my cousin and his mate, so it was like we should just all, that's our card to sell, not just yours. So we need to buy 250 quids worth of... Was it your 250? Well, it was our card. What, you bought 250 quids worth of Hugo cards? Did you get anything that was then worth anywhere near that amount? Probably cumulatively, but not... That card's probably worth so much now.

Yeah. What was it? well now it wasn't it I can't remember and it wasn't a useful one do I mean like it was just this lab was like oh that's a rare card like rack a line up with like I had an eBay business in primary school with match tax cards because there was a thing on the website where you could buy any specific card for 35p and it would come in the post. So I just bought like 20 Steven Gerrard's, which was the best card of that year. And then you'd sell them for 15 quid each on eBay. It was absolutely rolling in it.

It's like when you realize like that you can swap your stickers, like, you know, at the swap meets or whatever like when people, I was like I had a big fucking pile of swaps like that trying to just get one John Faschnu when I could have just gone down the Northgate arena and paid 40p for it. I went to a po-home one with me grandad once he took me there and now I was like, I was like I'm swapping, I'm giving you my, I'll have that. I was like I'll have it but I'm not giving you my, I'll have that. You're like, I'll have it, but I'm not giving you any of my, I was like, nah. I don't know, I just couldn't part way.

Badum swaps. Would you ever, as an adult man, do the 40 stickers? Would you ever like get the premier, like treat yourself? Only because, like I know that people do that. It's just- Have been to it. Sadly, I haven't got the mates. I know you haven't got the mates to do it as well. Yeah, so- Would you live vicariously through your kid though? I haven't got the mates. I know you haven't got the mates who do it as well. Yeah.

Would you live vicariously through your kid though? I do. I've got Pokemon Go in me phone and it's just, it's like, oh, there might be a Pokemon here Rudy. And I'm just like, I can go on. Never any battery on my phone now cause I'm catching fucking espers. We were talking yesterday.

So I'm like away all week this week and me missus is having a very good time. She's like, I'm going to miss you. And like this week as well. So I've known for a while, she wants a Nintendo switch. So I got her the new one and a couple of games. I was like, this will occupy a while I'm away. Did you put do a post about it?

Like those people, like those controlling boyfriends was like, put this on and be ready for eight. We're going to fucking hate that. And it's like, put this on and be ready for eight. Fucking hate that. Get away. Doesn't fit. You've got the long side. I put something else on. Yeah, it's like, it's a fucking France 98.

Emmanuel Petit. Yeah, babe, I'll leave it, you know. Put this on, be ready by eight. It's so mad that. For me to benefit from this Nintendo switch to release Pokemon yellow again, but we'll update the graphics for the Nintendo switch. Okay. The OG Pokemon game with like modern visuals. Didn't they do that with let's go Pikachu? Yeah, but you didn't. You couldn't battle. You've collected. No, you can't battle. My

little brother had it. I've got it you can battle the people in it. I'm sure you and you can link it up to your Pokemon Go. I want the same game as I was a kid that looked better. I don't want any fancy battle. I want to do the same story. I saw on Twitter the other day and I was like yeah that's right someone was like if they brought out the PSP now it would go insane. 20 years ago, it came out, didn't it? Yeah. Playing GTA with your mates on that. Unbelievable. That was before that, because the switch is the first one where they've gone, all right, it's mobile, but it's as good as the one in your house. Yeah. You could put it on your telly. Yeah. Whereas the PSP, it still looked like one of them like reflective

things that you just do that. And it goes like that. It wasn't like, it wasn't sick like that. Was it? Well, that's the thing. I was a child. Right. And that came out. So it was sick. That was the peak of everything. 26. Right. Midnight club mate. Same with the DS. I was DS. I was, I was too young for a PSP. I didn't have a DS. Getting a DS with all the like fake games on it. Yeah. Oh, going to Turkey, going to boss man in Turkey had like 200 games on it. And they all had sheets on as well. You could start Pokemon, but be like,

I want all of the Pokemon. It kind of ruined the game a little bit. There was a fella who used to, in the shittest van you'd ever seen, he was like the, like a mobile renter game, renter DVD for when he'd turn up once a week. And I remember, like, there's such a weird, like vivid memory from being a kid,

because I was renting off him, Command and Conquer, Red Alert, every week. We were just paying like two quid a week. Retainer, you're the only retainer. Basically. And I remember him talking to me mom and he was like, oh, my business is going like to shite here. Like everyone can just make their own copies now

and they're getting all like chipped versions and this and the other. And my mom went to him, why don't you just sell the chipped ones? Like just fuck all this off and start selling like, or like still have this if people want the real thing, but like just sell the jarg ones. And he was like, oh, that was good. Next week he turned up and he was like, do you want to rent that

command and conquer again? Or you can just give me a fiver and have it permanently with this. And then his new business was just selling the black one. Oh, me buying black games from the market. I bought Simpsons hit and run black. I had a cheap PlayStation. Yeah, that's the only one I had. I think I was made to be scared of that in some way. Because people went to, we had a, it was called sales day and all these people being to prison came to our school.

And he told us a story about when you go to prison, there's a thing called spooning, where immediately they go drop your kecks and they get a spoon and they just dig what's in your arse. And it hopefully- What year is this in school? I was in year 10. Oh.

It's not year two. Oh no, no. And it was like, and it was hopefully there's drugs in there. And if there's not, then you'll get like slashed or whatever. And he said he saw it happen to someone and he was in there for chipping X-boxes. Wow. So in my head I was like-

You don't go to cat apes for chipping X-boxes. So he stuck a spoon in his arse and then he pulled out dance dance revolution. He's like, oh, you can stay go to cat apes. So he stuck a spoon in his arse and then he pulled out Dance Dance Revolution. He's like, oh, you can stay, no slashing for you. You don't go to- A full dance mark came out. He must have sold other things because he's not, at an open prison,

they're not shoving cats up their arse. They can go out. What prison? What are you in for? I don't know, but he'd like- Simpson's it and run. No, he's lied there to scare you. Yeah.

Also, Harry, when you swallow a chewy, it doesn't get wrapped around your heart either. And with the seeds as well, it doesn't grow a tree or anything. Listen, lad, if you have a black FIFA street, you go to prison, you just blow your leg clean up. I wouldn't even try it if I were you. You walk in, they bump you three times and then they shoot you in the head.

They were real prisoners. No, they were. No, that is like a drama in schools thing. They showed us a thing as well. He was teaching you with a muzzy on. I'll be a prisoner. It was about drugs as well and about knife crimes. There was one about, they told us a story about this lad who used to carry knives around

and he sat on the bus and he sat on his knife and got an infection and died. Oh, do you know those like, like videos of executions on Twitter and that? All of them fishing without a rod license. Also if you put your arm out your window, the bus will come and your arm will blow up. And if you swing on your chair, seven people in the class will die. These people must have gone around to other schools. I reckon they'll be people that... It's not real. He had his mug shot. That couldn't have been faked.

You think he went to a prison where they'd shove spoons up your ass to find drugs and if you didn't have them you'd get stabbed. And while he was doing it he was like. For chipping an Xbox. Well he didn't chip an Xbox just a fella who got smouldered. And while he was doing it he was like wait till I tell the kids about this. Can't wait to tell year 10 about it. That isn't real.

So what had he been in prison for? I think he'd like punched a feather at a nightclub or something. But like dead at heart and the feather had died. Steven Jell-Ad did this for some reason. One punch killers exist. So something like that and he was like I can't be a teacher now. But to be fair like I don't want to be a teacher. You're in for chipping Xboxes, let's see what you've smuggled in up your ass.

Yeah apparently that's a real thing because my dad used to work in Walton Nick and I came back and I was like, they told us about spooning and he was like, don't ever say that. Your dad thought you wanted a hug. Don't listen to them, we don't do that here. That explains why you're not allowed in the kitchen. What time does he make you turn the lights out? There's no cutlery. No snoozing. You're not going in the kitchen after seven, you you turn the lights out? There's no cutlery. You're not going in the kitchen after seven. You'll be putting spoons up your ass. You've got no

fucking curtains. He comes in and water bought you. So you think there's one punch man that is in the same cell as Xbox chip is I don't know what else he'd done. But I think from what we told you, he was going, but he said, no, no, he's real. He was. Because they had little photos up of like, they had Charles Bronson. Was he there? No, no. Chipping Xboxes?

And yeah, and they were like, oh yeah, that fellow chipped Xboxes, he's still in prison now. Because he's fallen into the life and he's like selling drugs in the prison. Bronson's there to put butter in everyone's ass so they can just get the Xbox out quick. Do you know how many Xboxes you'd have to sell to go to prison time? You'd have to like

sink Microsoft. It's a mis- I mean- And he went in, she had an Xboxes and then fell into the life, became a drug lord of the prison. I'm not gonna bother with this two week sentence. In about six months. Yeah. Oh, Lord of the prison, I'm not here now. I'm not gonna bother with this two week sentence. In about six months. Yeah. He went in, chipped Grand Theft Auto and realized what he could have been.

And you're telling me also to stop you doing knife crime, they said someone accidentally stabbed himself on the bus, got an infection and died. Yeah, or at least lost his legs or something. This is where it's death to do with knives, they could have told you, you know, the other person. I misread that, so it was basically a trailer outside and we got split into like little groups and I got brought up as like the volunteer to show what spooning

was or like to the, the, it was like, it was like, it was like, he was, we all wanted to be the volunteer, but I won. He looked in my ass. Can you point on the doll where he put the spoon? He was like, oh, we'll do role play to show you what it's like. And I came into the fake cell and he was like, like trying to be all hard to be all intimidating.

Did he do an accent or no? I just, I thought it'd be funny. He was playing Naxia's FIFA. I kind of misread it and I just bent over and all my mates were laughing but the teacher wasn't happy because I was just like, just spewing me. Just get it over and done with. Yeah, that was Cells Day.

Wow. It's like C-E-L-L. CELL. I think so, yeah. But there was a couple of... We went taught not to go to prison, were we? Because loads didn't listen if we were. They were never like don't do that. He was like ah what? Did you have a police guy though? No.

Oh we had a police guy come in like every year he'd come in for one lesson, PC Midgley. He'd come in. How big was he? Fucking Emmerdale I think. How big was he? He was a normal size glove. Harry Spool had a policeman come in but it was a stripper. He was a very, very Welsh guy who came in and was like, he came in with like bottles of bleach and was like, you smoke a cig, you're

essentially drinking one of these. But he was like showing you what had happened with smoke and they'd bring like a sponge in the go. I'm going to smoke it in the lead. Your lungs are going to look like. Why would a police officer be teaching you the dangers of smoking? Well I started with smoking and then it was like, don't do crack kids. And then it was don't chip Xboxes. What the crap.

That's the top one. This was in primary school. I remember being about eight and getting told, don't do crack, it's bad for you. You shouldn't have known what crack was. He's taught you what crack is. Yeah. Just don't mention crack.

Right, I'm onto the skills of making sure the kids aren't doing crack. Don't tell him. Don't do this with the crack pipe. The... What? He's full for the now. Just watching like we have PC Mishley every year from like reception to year six. He'd come in and tell you like a different like bit of crime and like don't do it. That was the message of my

life. Why not tell you all at the start with saying next year's crime? What happens if you don't want before you knew it was a problem. The break I've done that one now. He told us it was like developing and looking back. It wasn't really police issues. Like early on it was like, don't drink a whole bottle of Calpol kids bad for you taste. Good. Does taste good. The banana. What have they done in the police force? The banana ones, the nice one. No, no, the, the, I'm not. I'm allergic to banana marks. Yeah. Yeah. I make me be sick. I like the pink cow pole. That's the best one. The cherry one. Yeah. So we do like, is that what PC stood for in PC midsley? Pink Calpol midsley. What have they done in the police force to be on desk duty where they're telling kids not to drink Calpol? He loved it. And like he went to all the schools

in Denbighshire, which is the county and he'd be, and you'd like when you got to high school, you'd be like Joe midgley, did you? Yeah. And you'd be like, yeah. We had that with a brass band. We had Mr. Segar and I went to school. I couldn't believe that other people had Mr. Segar. And we're going to teach you what trombone and is now pants down. Yeah, yeah. They just used to go in and go, don't have prostitutes, brass is banned. And then that was it. Yeah, but I played the cornet,

which is like the shit trumpet. Yeah, that is the shit thing. But I had all my mates, it was me and all the girls were on the cornet and all my mates were on the trombone. I was like, that's fucking sick. Cause they were all pretending it was snipers. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But I had to be all like this. Because snipers, famously, like when they're just about to be snipers. Yeah. But I had to be all like this. Famously, like when they're just about to shoot someone, they always go, where are you? You'd be like nothing. There's a sniper over there. Stay away from that brass. There was one, there was one lad in the year above and there was like five girls and he

was like a bit like North. He was like the naughty lad in the school, but he played the French horn. He got so leveled up in brass that he'd evolved to like the one where you like stick your hand in the thing. It's mad. We had a fellow come in and tell us how to use a toothbrush, you remember that? What? Remember in little school. He called it a toothbrush. I hate people who say tuff. I hate people who say tooth.

I hate people who say tooth. Tooth brush and tongue. Tongue is mad as well. It says tongue and it's all over. Yeah, nah. Their tongues aren't. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's tongue.

That's not a tongue. No, that's fucking him, not you, the other one. That's tongue. Tongue is that, it's tongue. Pig's tongue. I brush my tongue. Yeah, he told us not to use a tooth brush. Oh, you're tough on your tongue. You thought you thought I'd use a toothbrush. Oh, you're tough in your tongue.

You need to brush for this long and I was like, yeah, I belted this. Yeah, I remember. Get the crack out. Get the Xboxes out too. Did you know after we had the like the toothbrushes that did a song, like it'd play like scissor scissors as you beat. The fucking beauty and the beast. What are you doing?

I haven't got one of them now. No, I wouldn't have on that. Actually I would. There was like toothbrushes that you'd get in shops that are just, they'd play the song for the amount of time you had to be brushing your teeth. You'd be like, gonna take your moment. Yeah. Nine minute version of bat out of hell. You play the nine minute bar of Bat Out of Hell. It's like, look, your teeth are fucked, mate. Your teeth are fucked. You play the nine minute Bat Out of Hell. Play him a toothbrush, please, mate. Give him the November 8th one. Give him the album.

Yeah. Ha ha ha. So for the kid that's stealing Pokemon cards. Oh, yeah. Do we, is it on, does he need to bollock him, or does he need to get in on it? Yeah, no, your kid's a rat. You gotta accumulate your kids,

make them feel like he cannot get away with that. Take them back to school with you. Be like, tell everyone what you've done, give everyone back one. And do you know what it is? It's not even the, it just feels weird going in people's trays. Yeah.

Like that's the thing. I'm just amazed they've still got trays. I don't know why I thought that was a thing of. What would they, what would the next level be? What would you think? Like you just have everything on an iPad. You can't put your Pokemon cards on your iPad. Yeah. Just they've got like, they've got, and then it's like the plastic tray under. They've still got that. It's exactly the same on the, on the desk. So you've got your desk. Yeah. We've still got that. It's exactly the same. What on the desk? So you've got your desk and then under it. Well you had specific desks.

Whoa, we didn't have that. We had trays like in a tray thing. Like fucking Ferris Bueller. Yeah, we were in our desks. Like trays under your desk. We had trays under the desk. Oh no, we had trays at the side with names on it. Yeah, exactly the same.

And you had to design what your name looked like. Trays on the desk for me. Yeah, you did bash and then you slide it back under. No, we had a tray rack. And in little school we had one of me. Yeah. In there, bash, and then you slide it back on there. No, we had a tray rack. And in little school we had one of these. Yeah. That's mad. You keep baffling it for the teacher, yeah.

Our school's more advanced than ours, and we went to school at 10. More advanced? It's wooden desk? Piles of wiggins, that's why. Simple. You never had a little fold-up desk? No.

You haven't even got rockboards. That's not advanced, by the way. That's like, what's it? That's like, a Harry Potter desk. That's like 100 years ago with the fucking skateboards. That's like, how did you lose your fingers? Yeah. We had desks like this, but they were like white, not white wood, like without not painted wood. But we didn't have anything in the desk. It was just like loads of choo-mees under it. And then, yeah, then you'd have to- Did you sit on desks for lessons?

No, we sat on chairs. I know we sat on the floor. did you sit on the desk for lessons? No, we sat on chairs. I know we sat on the floor. What? But we had six chairs and you got to revolve, like it rotated who got to sit on the chairs at the back of the class. Like you're on The Voice? Who did the fucking lessons?

The village elder? Who's used to sit down, right? Here we go, like a Norse saga. So we had a fella in called Mr. Kenny and he was great and he used to come in and just show us his axolotls. He had like photos of axolotls. I thought that was a euphemism for something. I've got an axolotl.

What's an axolotl? It's like a salamander. Yeah but they're not, you can choose to make them a salamander though can't you? Yeah it's just a totally aquatic salamander. They're sick. But if you take them out of the water. They die. No they turn into lizards. Not them ones I don't think. I don't know I think axol know. I think anyway, my eye fell off. They look like little people. How do you do any normal

lessons? Hang on. Can I just check? You know, the, um, the sitting on the floor thing up until what age? Oh, till, till I went to secondary school. In year six. Oh wait, there was only like four of you. Wasn't there? Less chairs. There's 12 of us is the only like four of you, wasn't there? So less chairs, there's 12 of us. There's only four of them in six chairs. There's still two years, there's two years per class. How does that work? You get and taught different lessons. No, it was a two year cycle. It was like we had two form entry. Yeah, we had year five and six with together. We had an English day and a maths day and you'd swap. Yeah. So we did. No, we had year five and six with together. We had an English day and a math day as well. Yeah, so we did, no, we had one teacher that taught us everything for two years.

We had that with year five and six, but only year five and six. Yeah, we had two, four mentors, it's quite common now because it's good. But they taught the same thing all day. Year fives and year six learned the same thing. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. No, we didn't have that. We were year five and then year six. Yeah. Yeah.

We only had four teachers. Oh yeah. Yeah. But within that you had two classes. I mean, no, we had two classes per year. Yeah. We had two classes per year, but year five and six weren't together. Oh no, sorry. That's what he's saying.

Yeah. So he's teaching year five and year six at the same time in the same room. And ours was. That's the same. Yeah. So what were they learning in year five? Yeah, exactly.

So I don't know, doesn't it all- Was it like the cleverest of year five and the stupidest of year six together? Well, I think it's just like you do, say you do maths and then obviously the year fives, the year sixes will leave, then the year fives go and then you do English and then you'll leave and then the year fives are then year six,

we've already done English, so you do maths again or whatever. When do they go? High school. No, I'm so confused. If they're two years together, so year fives and year sixes are in the same class. I don't know how it worked. I was 10. But we definitely, definitely sat in the same classroom as the year sixes. So you're younger. So, right, tell me this. So Tuesday afternoon, just after lunch, what are you learning?

For example? Whittling. say that one was like English. Yeah. Yeah. It'd just be everyone learning English, but like half years of one year and half years the other, but it's the same lesson. Yeah. Yeah. It's a level then. Yeah. It's the same lesson. Sat level in it. And then, but we'll learn about say, I don't know, Biff, Chip and Kipper. Not in year five. Not in year five. Please. But then, and then the next year we'll be doing a different book. What's weird is we only need to do a little segment now on Kippers and we've covered Biff, Chip and Kipper because we've done back to the future, chipped Xboxes. Oh wait no that was off pod. Did you see a Kipper when your mum dropped you off at the canal?

We can tie it all in like an Edinburgh show. Yeah, but yeah, we just had, but then when I was in year six, so there was like, I think it was 10 to 12 of us, which was the biggest class in the year up until my brother was not big. Sorry. Big, one of the biggest years, the actual biggest year was my brother's year, which had 15 people in it. So the class was fucking shocking. In year 10 you start GCS, you learn stuff in year 10. So I think it's like that, but with SATs, I'm sure it's year five and six is like being in year 10 and 11, or it was when I was a kid. So you're still gearing up towards your SATs in year six. So it doesn't really matter what you learn in year five

and whether you learn it in year six. Do you know what I mean? I see what you mean. So, right. So let's say there's module one and module two, just for the simplicity. So while I'm in year five, we're doing module one. Yeah.

And year six are doing module one. Then they leave and we start doing module two. That new year five will then do it in reverse order. And the ones that left have already done module two before you started. That makes sense now, but it did seem mad to me. So in year three and four, we learned about Kenya because our teacher had been to Kenya

and she just had holiday photos. We did Kenya week. We did World Kenya Day, but it was a bit problematic because people came and dressed in full gear. Yeah, same. But yeah, but then like, so we learned Kenya in year four, but then my brother learned it in year three. And just swap that.

I already knew, I knew about Kenya before you. You even know Kenya. He was schooling you on Nairobi at the dinner table and you sat on the floor obviously. And I don't know whether anyone else has got a severe headache but I have and I think it's this conversation that's done it. I think it's just mad that you just accept everything and then it's only when you get older that you're,

I thought you just think everyone's had the same school experience and then you meet like Harry and you're like, oh, fucking no one's the same. It's always the same with school, isn't it? Cause when you're at school, you think the teachers are dead clever and dead posh. And then- Now I know teachers.

Yeah. Then you know, like the lad that's thick as fuck and does coke all the time and now he's a teacher. And you're like, whoa. Yeah. Like this is all that they were. Yeah. But I used to think the teachers were like loaded when I was at school, like-

Yeah. Like mint, like it was like being an fucking MP or something. But then you'd see their cars and you'd be like, Oh, well I didn't know about like if you had a car that was mad when I was at school, like I was on a canal boat. to the train station. Break time. Hello everyone. Dan Nightingale and Karl Riegler here from the Have A Word podcast. Time to talk to you about my absolute favourite sponsor. It's NordVPN. Now, Dan, I'm not really sure what a VPN is.

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Preston. Hey! We've got a lady here. Barely. I feel like a lady. Hattie Preston! Thanks for having me. New mother. Glowing. Yeah.

Feeling glowy, feeling great. How are we? Just so great. I havenowy, feeling great. How are we? Just so great. I haven't seen you since. I know. I know I don't look glowy and forgive. But you do, you look. Do I? Yeah.

It's my first day on makeup, so that's remarkable. And I'm just thrilled to be here. If my tits leak, I'm not sorry. If my phone goes off, I'm not sorry. And I'm sorry about my hair. I am sorry about my hair. I didn't brush it. I didn't even brush it. If my phone goes off, I'm not sorry. And I'm sorry about my hair. I am sorry about my hair. I didn't brush it. I didn't even brush it.

It looks great. Thank you so much, Adam. And I know when you're lying, but I still love you for it. When you say tits leak, do you mean like physically or like someone do some revenge? I was like, if my tits leak now, while we're here. Yeah, my phone's about to go. That's what my phone's about to go.

It's out. What you do when you- You're fucking welcome. They are magnificent. Like I know I made you touch them and look at them a lot while I was pregnant, but I, I did. You refused to. Yeah. I haven't forgotten that. You know, the office still open. I'm still no, no, no. Now they are fucking magnificent. They're better now. Yeah, they are. Oh yeah. Of course they are. Unbelievable. They're working girls. Yeah, they are. Oh, yeah. Unbelievable. Yeah, they're working girls. Working like dogs. Have you thought about getting some new headshots done before they go down?

Oh, have I? Not even the head. Neck down shots. My eyes are down there. She's so unfair. It's like, I'm going to have to give them back at Christmas time. So I feel like just do it. But, um, so what happens when the boobies leaked? You just, you have to pump pads in. So it's like a sanitary pad for your boobies. That wasn't a joke. You said to leak and yeah, they just leak and especially because we, I've just dropped her off with my sister. So, um, and about two hours time, they will be like, yeah. Your sister will be. My sister's already got cracking set. The yawning tits of Mosley.

That could be like a whale just like coming up the air. How should they want to feed the babies? Like it's time to. Yeah. They'll suddenly be like, now let's go girls. Let's go. Let's go girls. Have you not thought of getting like a plummet to have a look at them. See if you can put like a stopcock on them. You're so good. You're so right. Absolutely everything. I appreciate

the men like you in my life. That's why they pumped them. You feel a little pump and it pumps. You know, I don't pump like I'm wanking them. Yes. Pointing at the tip. Okay, fine. You weren't. I thought you did. I thought you like, you got a this was like a two, two. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is. It's pretty hot. It's the least sexy maybe I've ever been sitting there being like, I didn't know it was electric. It's electric in it. Yeah. I was because you're the old ones where I'm like, now it's like a June. Yeah, it is. It's

a what? He's right. I found one in the house the other day. Yeah. Yeah. You lost the weight. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Everything on you. No, I didn't. I didn't use it. I just found it. It was like under some I was clear and we attempted to have a play. No, absolutely. No. Okay. Cause I'm you found a breast pump and you didn't put it on New Beland? Yeah, I'm telling you that and I can't believe that that is mad to you. You didn't even think about it. No, it wasn't all there either, I don't think. I think it was like bits missing.

It was like a charity shop breast pump, you know, when you get like a jigsaw back and then... I love your shopping days. Corners are missing. Danny loves a charity shop, but this is great even for you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just like, just give us that. I don't think he went to a charity shop and bought himself a breast pump. I don't know. You are wrong. Loves a vintage, don't you? Is everything going how you thought it would go? I'm going to be really smug and annoying here. Like I'm loving it. Like it's probably going

better. Listen, the birth wasn't ideal. But I mean, she nailed it. Well, she didn't actually, she fucked it. She didn't want to come out and made the whole thing a real mountain long time on her. Yeah. And I, and I really took a hit on that one, but it's been lovely. I like recovery aside, like it's just, I love it. And I'm just, yeah, I feel all right. I feel like I feel like dazed, but I love it. It's been better than I thought. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's been better than I thought. Yeah. And she's ginger. So it's fucking that. Did you work out?

Immediately she came out and was like, and you were like, okay, good. Do you know what the best thing was? So that I was not in a good way. So usually they have this image that they're going to like bring out the baby and it's me, it's Simba. They're like, it's a girl. Like all these things ah, and but I was in such pickle that they literally took took her out, put her on my chest and then 14 people were on me. And so I didn't know what it was. I didn't know what the baby was. And so my mom was saying, she's like, what is I don't know.

But on my chest, we're trying to like unwrap the towel to be like, what is it? And we unwrapped it a bit. And I was like, it's my boy. And they were like, that's the umbilical cord and I was like, it's my boy. And they were like, that's the umbilical cord. I was like, I was about to say my guy. You've been sleeping with their balance. Okay, so I'm gonna have to lock you up. But no, it was just a girl and bright red hair. So I was like, that's all I care about.

How much did they wrap it up by the way? When you like like a lolly in each layer. So it's like pasta pasta like a wrapping present on cling film on bacon. Cause you really overdo it. Don't do that. Don't the baby to go straight away. Also bacon, well, bacon's cured. So it takes ages to go off. Anyway, you said you didn't like forms of bacon. I'd cut, I'd just cut the shit off. I'd just eat the middle, innit? Do you like streaky bacon? Probably not, because fat to me is bad. I like it chopped up in a sprout.

In a sprout? With sprouts and chopped up in stuffing. That's more pancetta though, isn't it? Like lardons. It's not, not in... Not in Chester. It's not, not in sorry, not in Chester. Uh, like it's just streaky Baker. I didn't know what pancetta was for so long and lardons, you know, I knew what you bake on a burger though. Nah, like proper bacon on a burger. Like a coaster of bacon on a

burger. Yeah. Just like a medallion. No smoked. No, I'm on smoke streaking me. Are you? You can't be on smokes. I'll live a little Adam. Do you know what it is? Sometimes it's too smoky and it gives me the ick. I know what you mean. It's never too smoky. I'm new to the bacon arena. Are you? Genuinely. Or could you act like a muzzle tough?

I still do think it's one of the most overrated things on the planet. It's great. But the bacon. God, you people who love bacon. The smell. It's usually that just this like, so back to the bacon arena. The birth. How long were you there in labor? a summer for pussy and when it went out the dirt track and honestly it is like all one now like it's just all one fucking i'm never gonna have a vagina it's gone it's done it was it's my gooch is currently being paid by chernobyl it's no when the plumber comes to put the stopcock on you said seven travel what's 7.20. What do you mean your Gucci is like Chernobyl, like a six-part HBO spell? Only the Russians can go there, yeah, and they have to be mandated by the government.

And a few dogs just like... It's, yeah, it was a rough one. And I don't want to go too into it, because I get so many lovely messages from your lot about like people are there in the middle of IVF or people who got pregnant after ages or did it. And I don't want to sit in and like scare everyone, but it was just, it's a fucking ride. But all the moms-

Why don't we just scare everyone? Fuck it. Like everyone has different experiences as well. Yeah. Yeah. Some people don't. We just, hi Perry. You coming in for this bit. Okay. What like what what happened? She's 30 hours didn't want to come out there to cut me get the

forceps drag her out like she still was livid about it and then I lost two liters of blood. Oh that's quite a lot of blood. How many liters of blood in the human body? Five. We have five any one time. Wow. You know your blood type? No any one time. Oh wow. Do you know your blood type? No. I don't know mine. Do you know your blood type? I do know, I do at some point, I don't know. I mean I couldn't know at all, why you don't know? Well they check before they just, because I had transfusions, so they do check before they give you loads of someone else's that it matches.

Yeah, but they didn't ask you for it because you wouldn't have known. I was out, I mean I was like... Can I ask a really stupid question? Of course you can, I love them. Like I've just, you know, I've always wondered about this. So you know, you say 30 hours, quite a long time. Do you get to have a kip in the middle? I did.

So I got an epidural. At one point I was like, I was like, fuck, I was like, just whatever, just get this drip out. Get I want the fucking epidural. They were like, well, Hattie, you know, we've come so far. I was like, I would take the fucking firing squad about now. Like get this thing out. We still got the epidural and had a bit of a kip on Monday night.

So here's my question. As a woman ever gone a kip and then had the baby in the kip? I reckon. Yeah, that must have happened. I reckon because you can't, I mean, my epidural wore off. So, so I was suddenly like, Oh, I can feel these. And then they were like, fuck it. Here we go. I was, yeah. But you're always a good, I want one like every holiday. Like it's the best. That should be a holiday. You just go check. What's your favorite? The airport. I'm real gas and air though. Mad shout out. Gas and air. I love fucking a party. Got it for my. So this is the thing. Yeah. Did the gas and air quell the pain? I don't fucking, I was having a party. Gassaner for my, so this is the thing. Yeah.

Did the Gassaner quell the pain? I don't know, but I was high as a fucking kite. It was wonderful. I know it did, it did. Did it make your voice deep? No, it made it as deep. So Gassaner made me voice deep and I was high. I was fucking off my head.

But the pain was like not just as bad, but almost just as bad. But you just kind of can't register it. Like, you know it's there. No, I was registering it. So I think getting your shoulder dislocated is worse than having a baby then. Cool. No, I'm glad.

This is how I thought today would go. Honestly, I heard Freddie every other day being like, the doctor did say that actually gallstones are worse than having a baby. I was like, shut the fuck up. I gave birth to kidney stones out of my bell in this year. Did you? Oh my God, congrats. I've got you another present of my bell in this year. Did you? Oh my God. Congrats. I'm the lady said, Oh, here we go. I was past the pain at that point. And she went, yeah,

apparently or not. Apparently she told me that she went, it's like the male version of childbirth. Well, congratulations. That lasted for two hours. I've got 18 years now. You've got a baby. I got a bloody piss. Do you not get to keep it in a bottle? No, I pissed into a cup and she went, it's very gritty. Oh, he's dropped them off with his sister. So I've been there, Hattie. I appreciate? I didn't get no fucking epidural, but that'll be me. So you got me a meal deal from the restaurant. Just ham as well, just a shit one. To be fair, I mean, I had my mother in the delivery room,

which in and of itself was an experience, I think. The epidural was more because she was in the room with me, actually, it was unhinged. She was on fire and I knew she would be, like the minute I went into labour, she ran out of the house. I was just walking around the garden because you're like, what starts happening? And my dad did what I think most parents would do, which is come out the garden, sit there with me, just keep me company with her. Mum rushes out at night. She goes, have

you written a will? Yeah, straight out. And I'd love to meet your mum. The image I have of your mum in my head is like hyacinth bouquet. She's like, you know, like posh moms, but that's sporty posh moms. Like they've always got three bags on a gilet on them. Yeah. That's her. And so walking mom, walking, walking mom, so she's a middle class walking woman. She got like the gray, like, no, no, no, she doesn't go gray. She got a dog. No, no, she's a cat person. Uh, in my eyes she's got loads of colleagues. No, cause she's city. So she's not country. She's city folk. Um, but she was on fire. I mean, even towards the end when actually the one time I got nervous as babies heart rates started going up. And so I was like, we were spiking. I was the only time I was like, can we just get out?

But what he always was able to do is put my phone on my tummy and play the Jurassic park theme tune. And like she'd calm right down. Like it was like clever girl. So I like play it until the heart rate come down. I mean, this time it didn't. And mom was over the other side of the room. She goes, Oh, you know what lullaby I like. Cara, we're a car by Ralph Harris. I was like, also a bona fide pedophile serenading my child into the world. Like that's what that was your call. Like full. No be fair to your mum, no, the baby won't know he's a pedophile yet. I will.

Yeah, but like the baby's not gonna be like, why are you playing that nonce? She might just be like, tune. Imagine if she didn't, she's like, I'm not coming out. Separate the art from the artist, Tati. Sorry, yeah, you're right. Yeah, segue scenes. How do you know she likes Jurassic Park?

She's always, her heart rate always came down in monitors and stuff and scans. How did you find that out? Because you're monitored, so you, I've got- No, I mean, how did you find out Jurassic Park about the thing that did it. Oh, I just started. Cause we played it loads on in the car. Just tried all of the John Williams home alone. Didn't work. I think what's happening is I think Hattie likes the theme tune from Jurassic park. It calms me down. It might come here. I love it so much in my head, the dinosaurs are singing that as well.

Do you remember Rupert the Bear with the frogs when we were little? Do you ever watch that when they were like, that's how I think they are. And some of the dinosaurs, some of the clever dinosaurs, like the raptors are in the back like T-Rex can't play it because of his little... T-Rex is on the Oboe. Yeah. But yeah, that was a one time. It was, it was great. Now I have a little baby girl and it's great. Are you one and done? No. You want more? Yeah. What? Already? Yeah. You nearly lost two... I know what that was about to be. What do you think it was about to be? You're nearly old. Nobody meant what?

No, you're already old. You're in the trenches and you want another one. I meant, I was going to say, like, I didn't know whether this was actually true, but like, losing two points of blood, I imagine that could be like nearly dying. Yeah, it wasn't ideal, I think. I was going to say you nearly died. Not you nearly old. Oh, you're nearly old.

Are you old? That was projection from you. Sorry, yeah, yeah. What the fuck? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I imagine that can be like nearly dying. Yeah, it was an idea. I was gonna say you nearly died. Not nearly old. Are you old? That was projection from you. What the fuck? Yeah, no. So you want another one? I just love siblings.

I love having siblings. Everyone who has siblings loves having siblings. And I just, yeah. Would you try and get the same cum? Yeah, but people got 10 embryos in the freezer. If they're all as good as her, I'm having 11 kids. Wow, it's another football team. Yeah, but I'm an all kids. Yeah. Yeah. There'd be four siblings. Thanks babe. Did you get your, was it cost coaches? Did you have to buy a boat? Just a big vat of it, like the Hellmans. Yeah, just stocking up for the winter. Did you fill your car up while you were there?

Yeah. I had coupons to be fair. We can move on to some other stuff as well, because then like every time we have you on. I know, we just talk about my uterus, I know. Totally, but like it is interesting. Thanks, you. It's hard to, like you have got an interest in uterus, I know. Totally, but like it is interesting. Thanks for that. You have got an interesting uterus.

I really do and I really appreciate that. You're the fella when he signs up to like give the com. Does he like say like maximum 11 kids? They so no, they can't specify kids because obviously they don't know how many like once they put my eggs with his sperm, they don't know how many embryos it's going to make. So I just made loads. And, but he what they have in this country is a maximum of women he can supply to because of our incest rules. Supply to. Yeah. Obviously because all those are with such a tiny island of incest. No, it's not that it's the word supply. What would you like me to say like come at?

Spath at. I hadn't talked about that yet. That's like a moral, not moral, but like an ethical gray area. Because you're a kid. Yeah. What's that word? Quandary. It's like you can't play in the same way that I wasn't allowed to.

I can't fucking fuck it. My brain's gone. Can't play cum games. way that I wasn't allowed to. I can't fucking fuck it. My brain's gone. I can't play cum games. Yeah, cum games. Yeah. Yeah, I suppose because like let's not make it about your child specifically. Just make it about children. Just the general thing. Like someone could kiss someone.

Exactly. And it could be their half brother. Yeah. Yeah, I've told her. Half brother, half sister. Yeah. I've told her she wants to kiss someone. She has to see both her parents beforehand.

Do you know how many is a lot of father? Yeah, I've told her, yeah, I've told her she wants to kiss someone. She has to see both her parents beforehand. Do you know how many is allowed to father? I think it's 10 or 11. They're allowed to supply two. Different women? And he might already have like three. Yeah, exactly. So it's like, yeah, they do like keep tabs on it and stuff. Do you have to, does he have to know now that he's got one? He had to know there was an active pregnancy. I don't think he had to know if there was an active birth. He had to know,

he had to know I was pregnant with his. Yeah. And then at 18, at 16, she can apply. Oh no, you can't say to you now. The game's gone. I can't even get a scratch card. The game's gone, you can't even get a scratch card. We know who your daddy is. That would be such a good way of finding it out. He for scratch cards. Oh my god, he's out of work and homeless, we knew it. At 16 she can apply to the Spambank and find out all the information they have about him and at 18 she can apply for his last known contact details. Cool. He has. Yes. So we'll talk

when she and I will chat about that. I've tried to lie and told her he's like an astronaut. How much has your life changed? Do you, it's like the flip. Okay. How can I put this? The best way, pretty, I remember having the worst gig of my life. Like probably one of the absolute worst gigs of mine. That was on me. I was fucking, no, you weren't. I was, thank you. Was that that one? Was that that one?

No. Do you know what it is? Worse than that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What? I was so awful. It was in Runcorn. It was no one else's fault except for mine.

It was, I was terrible. Worse than DivaFest 2023? I don't want to talk about it, Danny. I don't ever want to talk about DivaFest 2023 ever again. Ever, ever. I refuse to go back forever. Worse than diva fest 2023. I don't want to talk about it. Danny, I don't want to talk about divas fest 2023 ever again. Ever, ever. I refuse to go back forever. We are going to talk about that. We're never going to talk about it ever again. It was five, she was shit, but she wasn't. Danny, what? You're fibbing. No, you were, it was shut. You can't even finish the sentence. Shut up. You, you weren't as bad as you thought you were. You were outside. It was a terrible gig and you did the best

you could. Danny had to come and practically rescue me at one outside. It was a terrible gig and you did the best you could. Danny had to come in and practically rescue me at one point. It was so I was like Danny! This was in Runcorn and it was, Brendan was on it, thank goodness. And then it just, everyone else was great. And I was awful. And on the way home, Brendan called me and I was just like, what the fuck? He's like, here's the thing. It was really early. It was one of my first trips up north. I'd never been up here. And it was like a proper like working man's guy. I was, I was a fucking, I was an idiot. I didn't know what I was doing with that room and et cetera. And he was like, here's the thing. It was really early, it was one of my first trips up north, I'd never been up here and it was like a proper like working man's car. I was a fucking, I was an idiot. I didn't know what I was doing with that room, et cetera. And he was like, here's the thing, you know, your jokes are good. You know, your material is good. It's just about flipping it all on its axis so that it's relatable to people who might not

instinctively relate to you. And that's kind of the best analogy I have, which is I'm still the same. It's all still the same, but everything I kind of thought and think has just been flipped on its axis a little bit. So it's like, cover poos. I always liked cover poos. Now they're like a weapon of murder if they are within five meters of my child's. I will taser, I will taser a fucking dog. If it cut like I, everything, cars driving too fast, six and a half yards being boisterous around me. Like everything is a weapon of murder now. If they're in the vicinity of my child. I sort of get this. Like since I've bought the house, sorry. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm just like asked about someone breaking in. Like told you this had happened. You, when I lived in the flat and all that, I was just like, I asked about someone breaking in. Like I told you this had happened. You instantly like-

When I lived in the flat and all that, I was just like, oh, someone breaks in. I'll just tell them, hey, the fridge is over there. They'll take Jack's stuff because they was the only one with nice things in it. Yeah. Yeah, there's a chair down there. That's the fridge.

There's the microwave. That grows. You feel like someone's going to offend your house. Yeah. I told you, it'll grow and you will have a fight with somebody. No. Someone will piss you off in the road.

No, Carl, I'm not asked about my neighbors in the bins. I'm asked about someone breaking in and shooting me bad in the head. Yeah. What's that got to do with the house? That could happen in the street. It could happen in the street, but I don't know. It's something about getting the house.

Oh, you've got to clean it up then, because it's your house. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You just want to clean it, just clean.. I mean it'd be worse in a flat because your death I lose the deposit. Yeah. You really want someone breaking into you know genuinely worried about someone breaking in not worried about it. I'm like on a layer. Yeah. It's that the way you're protective of you. Yeah. The baby. I'm like that with the house. I'm like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. are like my, my dad, I think, I think he would never say this because he likes me

too much and he trusts me. But I think also the fact that we haven't got a fella in the house and my dad is just like terrified the whole day. He's like a tight, he's like a tightly coiled, he's also getting a lodger. No, no, we're just to like make you feel better. Like an MMA fighter. Yeah, yeah. Cause they're famously mentally sound. Perfect idea. You got to eat batters. Anyone just get an MMA fighter when he's on his way. I'm outside.

Yeah. Like just stop feeding him scraps. So we go down. Yes. Anyone comes in, I kill them. Just lard on the sprouts. But no, that's it. I think the perspective changes and like everything. Yeah. So yeah, it was just just how I feel about things and how I'm kind of.

And also, I mean, there's a hurry at your words, like the stakes are higher. So it's like if I'm feeling shitty in the past, you're like, oh, I back myself to just go on a run and have a nice couple of days and feel better. Suddenly, if I feel shitty, you're like, I'm going to be a shitty mom and she's going to pick up on it. So it's all about like, I feel like I'm I'm protecting my peace very much at the moment because I'm like, I'm her only parents. I want to be like on good form and good value and like

hanging out with people who make me feel good and doing things that make us feel good. And that's why I haven't seen you for a while. And I haven't and I got rid of Instagram and haven't even looked at a comedy venue for five weeks. You care more about the environment now because that's what I was doing. No, I don't give a fuck about the environment. Is it like, yeah, because our kids are living in this world and you're meant to care. No, because if I...

Our kids are going to be fine now, aren't they? No matter what. If I was going to care about the environment, I'd have to use those fucking disposed, like reusable nappies that they like you put them in the wash. Yeah. Did you ever do it? Yeah. No you didn't. Danny is awful. No, it's fine. I used to shit myself. It's the same. There's no different. It's like the dishwasher. You have to rub the shit off? Yeah. Yeah. You like food waste. No, you don't. Yeah. You put it in a brown bin. Um, no, you just, you still like put it under the top a little bit and then just put it in a washing machine. They were fine. It was, it's not as bad as you thought. And

then, so you put them on and then you put like a little, like it looks like underwear that goes over it. Yeah. I'm absolutely not. I'm Danny, Danny very sweetly gifted me shit bins. What like bad sunglasses? I give Hattie a shit bin. The real gift that keeps on giving the shit bin. So I'm just, yeah, we're on those and it's great. But we don't talk about my uterus for the full hour because

I'm sure you guys have done stuff. You got married and stuff. That was so great. Yeah. We kind of covered that, you know, cause it was in April. I haven't been anywhere. It's like a fast conversation. You grew shin bones in your belly. Yeah, I did. And nails. Is that the bit that gets you the shin bones? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hang on. It's just knees in me belly and I made them with my brain. Brain?

Brain? Brain? Your brain is telling your body to do the things and make the baby. I think, I think maybe her brain was. No, but your brain. No, did it. You're right. Yeah.

I need to say more credit. You're right. Your body went, ah, she needs ears. Yeah. She has those. She like full has both ears. Yeah. Yeah. It's savage. I mean, it's always turned, done. Yeah. She has those. She like full has both ears. Yeah. Yeah. It's always turned done. Yeah. I know. That's so impressive. Thank you so much. Is that the woman's brain

doing that though? I don't think that's the brain. It's like the woman has the brain. The baby's not growing anymore. Take the woman out the brain. That's going to be my next Edinburgh show. It's your brain telling your worms to like give it nutrients and do this and move this. That's quite scary. That's what if you get distracted and then the baby's not the way is down one ankle. I was like, fuck it. That was the day I had a big show. It was like elbows in your belly. No, no. Yeah. I don't know. Maybe it's just me who thinks that's mad. Mad. Like you made the person. I know I I do regularly think about how, I suppose this is tied to evolution, really. But like, it's just mad that everything works, especially with the human body. Like I put food in here and my body goes, right, we know what to do with that.

Give you a bit of that so you can concentrate that so you can stay awake and then we'll turn the rest into shite and don't worry. We'll send that out the back door so you don't have to smell it. Like, isn't that sick? The other day it took me a little longer to get to sleep because I had the thought, how do I remember to breathe? That's subconscious, innit? I know, but then I was like, oh,

and then I couldn't get to sleep for half an hour. But then were you thinking about your breathing? Yeah, totally. But some people do, that's what sleep happens, isn't it? Their body does just forget. So their mommies didn't work very hard when they think their mummies were distracted. Just walk past the sail. Oh my God. I know what I want to talk about. Right. So obviously been a maternity leave and speaking to no one. Binge watch the city as ours. Have you talked about that on here?

I genuinely love it because I love watching the Scouts on the telly. It makes me genuinely proud. I love it. Who's the best one? The people who aren't the Scousers in it. James Nelson Joyce. No, he's not. Bobby is. I think Banksy is. Bobby. Is it Bobby? I meant Scousers on the telly. Is it Bobby? Banksy is the best one.

Bobby's the best one, isn't he? He's the one who's so Scoused. He's like, he's leaving me the script. Like, yeah, well. Yeah. The tall guy. Yeah, the tall guy, isn't he? He's so scouse. He doesn't even read the script. He's like, yeah, I'll add. Yeah, the tall guy. Yeah, the tall guy, the bald guy. Nick Strauss guy who's going out with the accountant. Yeah. Is it better than bread? The food. The food?

No. Not that good, no. The show. Do you not remember Bread? The jail one? No. That was filmed in the Dingle. Yeah, gotta get up. Oh, mate. That's the best Scouse show of all time. Is it really? Yeah. Better than the Royal Family.

Yeah. Better than Thomas Tank Engine. Is that a Scouse show though? Yeah, that's a Scouse. No, that's not a Scouse. It's set in Manchester, isn't it? I don't give a fuck. It's fucking Ricky Tomlinson going,

eh, like it's Scouse. But it was written by Craig Cash and Carolina Hearn. Yeah, but it's Ricky Tomlinson, it's Scouse and the Mars Scouse as well. That's the thing that links the two cities for me. Yeah. Ricky Tomlinson? No, the Royal Family.

We both got this. It's the Waddington innit. Yeah. That was the Bloods and the Crips tying the bandanas together. It's the Gooch. But the ladies in particular who aren't Scouse innit, it's jarring. Kay said that. I see I didn't pick it up and Kay was like, yeah, yeah.

They don't need to be scouting it. Well that's what blows my mind because the gorgeous Northern Irish girl, you're like, have a be Irish. She's actually the best one. She lives in Liverpool, you know. Yes, I know. She's so beautiful. But I was like, if she just had to be Irish, that'd be fine because there's loads of Irish people in Liverpool anyway.

She's the best one, but the James Nelson Joyce's partner accent is a bit jarring. But isn't she supposed to be a bit of a posh one? So she maybe like watered it down a bit. No, she can't do it. She can't do it. No. He was there. He was outside hot water the other week.

He tried to stop me parking in a parking space because he was saving it for someone. Did you take him on? Just went fit to in there mate. Just snuck it in. Nice. You're dead now. Get out of the way.

You're dead now. Sorry? You're dead now. No, he was dead sound about it. He's probably went. Oh yeah. You probably could. He's so nice. He's to work with my ex and he is delightful. He's the nicest guy in the world. So I met him at the Zoe's place. He's just lovely and he's a good lad and a great show in a fucking great. I've never been. Well, I've put it on because obviously she wasn't hearing many scouts accents for

the first few weeks. I was like, I just her to acclimate. Yeah, those dinosaurs in Jurassic Park need to be more Scouse. It did it, it did it, it did it, it did it. Sorry, that's so mean. I love everyone here. I love the women of Liverpool. I love the women. Can I ask you a little career question? Of course you can. I haven't got one. Norfolk self. Obviously, as you were a child actress, which I think we've ever properly touched upon on here. Do you want to do more acting or do you just fall stand up now? I think acting comes, acting comes up. No, I'm not sure how to say this. Acting made me so

sad, like so like mortally sad that now it's in like a box in my head. Or like if it comes along and it and I get to do it again. Great. When I when I did a few things last summer and I just loved it. I love doing the acting. I hate the industry. I hate it with a passion I can't even put into words. So it's one of those things where if it comes along and I get to do it, that's the best thing in the world.

But I don't look to it and I don't hanker after it because it hurt me so much the first time around. And so what was it just the process of auditions and the industry is awful. It's why I think I always get when people complain about comedy. I'm like, you have no idea. Like it's just so awful. And it hurt me so much. So the people and the kind of unfairness of it, the lovely thing about standup is like the harder you work, the better you get and the better it goes. Do you mean like within reason, within reason, there are some people who deserve there's a correlation between working hard. Yeah. And like, yeah, there's some people obviously, and it's really sad, but also fucking hysterical who have been going for 10 years and are fucking

atrocious. But every bit that's the best the best people. They're the people you're open. Mike's been like, I'm going to watch this. But with acting, it's just so unfair. And so, I mean, like James Nelson-Joy's perfect example. He's now got this and he got gold and isn't he? And he's in something else. And he's obviously fucking brilliant. He was on the desk at Barry's bootcamp

for like the whole time I knew him, all the way out of drama school for the first time, for like all his twenties. And you're like, this guy's that talented. He was never not this talented. He didn't just suddenly get this talented. And the industry was just so awful with me and I had a couple of bad experiences.

So I just, it's one of those now where like, if it comes along, I feel like I've got more autonomy now with acting especially, cause I'm a bit take it or leave it. But it was just grim. It's just grim. What's worse, a bad comedy death or a bad audition? Bad audition. Cause a bad comedy death is like a, there's like a nobility in it. Like I, some of my favorite deaths, a bit like you just like slink off stage and they're like, we're all quite funny about it. Like we don't take it that seriously.

I mean, I know Dan talking about DBS first 23, and it was awful, but he hasn't treated me differently as a result of it, which is nice of him. But like, you go in and like tank an audition, like they're not asking you back. Do you know what I mean? It's a bit, it's bitchier, it's just meaner. But comedy death, one of my worst and first comedy deaths

was when I was out in Chicago and I was fucking awful. Like I bombed so hard. It was one of my first proper like gig gigs. And I just came off stage and all the boys were sat around a table just in silence. I was like, and my mate just slid me a tequila. No words. And I was like, oh, my God, he's like, dude, you died.

And it's just my attitude. This is why I could probably never go into like serious acting. Until like it was like, I could do it if I became so famous, it was offer only. It's like, we want to do that. Like, I would do that stuff is grim. But the audition, if they were like, that was shy. Will you fucking wrote it? So the best thing. I'm not fucking wrote it. So the best thing... I'll write it as well. You're such a...

I'll do a bit of me stand up and blow your mind, you daft cunt. You know, you're not actually wrong. I got, towards the end, I got so many auditions where they sent me these scripts that were fucking awful and they'd be like, we want it in the style of Fleabag. And you're like, I'm not a fucking wizard. She wrote an unbelievable script. Don't give me a piece of shit. Be like, could you make it fleabaggy?

Like, can you fucking make it fleabaggy? It's your fucking job. And then- Yeah, what's wrong with that, Asha? You wrote it, it was shit because of you. I know, I know. I did the best. You're the one who used to bring it to life, aren't you?

And you're not the person to do that. Yeah, a good actor can make a shit script. Yes. Possible. Bollocks. That isn't true. That's a bad script made good by a good actor. Sandra Bullock, anything she touches. I believe it. Okay. A real one. I think I reckon you could put an incredible actor in a role where you think we should and they would make it

better and that's a fact. Sort of. but then if you've seen that Adam Sandler film with Al Pacino. The one where he's playing the twins. Yeah, and then you're like, who the fuck is this old cunt? You're like, this is Al Pacino, but it could just be some guy, it's really bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he can't save that.

So maybe it does happen now and again, but it's not a rule. Yeah, it's absolutely not a rule, no. A good actor can make a script work, 100%. Yeah, they can, but it's not a rule. It's absolutely not a rule. No, a good actor can make it a script where a hundred percent. Yeah, they can, but it's the script's terrible. Yeah. You can't make it better. They can make it better. Yeah. It's on the act of a little bit to bring it to life. It just is. Yeah. But if it's on the fucking riser, isn't it? But then there are some things that are so shit that you just can't stop watching. Do you know what I mean? Like they're just, and they're brilliant.

Well, obviously, no, the thing I'm thinking about is reality. So it doesn't really count. What was that one? Oh, I started watching Apple Cider Vinegar. Sorry. I know everyone wax lyrical about that, but that is a piece of shit. Don't worry about it. It's just about, it's my favorite thing. Like bitches getting conned for not having cancer. Oh, I did see the bit. I love it. Have you ever watched Girls? Yeah.

So we've just finished Girls. I loved it. If you slam Girls, I'd love to walk out of here. I didn't want to watch it. I was like, okay, that was actually brilliant. And then Lena Dunham just brought a new show out. With Megan it, Meg Stolter. Yeah.

Oh, stop it. I'm gutted. I think the script's good. He's great. Yeah. I just don't like it. I think she's trying to be too much like Leena Dunham and she can't be. Yeah. Just bring Leena Dunham in. What I can only, again, maternity leave binge watching Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders. Get fucked. No one in this room has watched Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders. You're a little pervert. None of you have watched it? Alex has had it on in the background and I've, you know, stored a few images.

It's demented. It's classly. Demented. I think something that should be banned is really smoking hot girls going, that is so funny. It isn't. It inevitably isn't. Just vocalise a little. That's honestly my favourite thing for anyone to say to me is to be a smoking up girls in that.

Please don't ban that. That's so funny. They are. Yeah, because I wrote what I said, but it wasn't very well acted. Do you act down? That's the equivalent though, isn't it? We know, we've seen, uh, bad stand up writing killing because of the performance. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's the same thing in it. Yeah, it is. That's so annoying. And really good writing just be average because someone's standing there with his hands in his pocket. Jokes wasted on the person who wrote

it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's the person who wrote it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the worst I think when you watch someone like get away with terrible stand up and you're like, oh. Yeah, because yeah. You have more anger than usual right now. I know I do, but I'm also sleep deprived. So are we though? I was so am I.

Yeah, oh, so are you tired as well? Are you tired as well? I had three hours last night, so I bet you that's less than what you had. I had like four years, yeah. Yeah, so. What were you doing? We were in London and we were in the UK. We were in the UK.

We were in the UK. We were in the UK. We were in the UK. We were in the UK. We. Oh, sorry. Tired as well. What? Are you tired as well? I had three hours last night. I bet you that's less than what you had. I had like four years, yeah. Yeah. So what were you doing? We were in London and we drove back. That's your own fault. Who drove? Neither of us. Got a taxi.

Yeah. Yeah. At fucking midnight. Yes, Adam. You are living your best self and I love this for you. Well, it was a pile of for a TV show and I made them pay for it as part of the thing. I just spilt. Sorry. It was the same place as putting us up in a hotel. Yeah, I suppose. And you said that you're on maternity leave when you're back from maternity leave.

Dead meat, technically. Like I'm doing a few spots beforehand, but like dead meat everything in my head is like, and we're back. Surely you're back now. This is where. I know it is. That's why I'm so nervous because I was like, I don't really know what I have to say but yeah it is what it's it's not work cards hanging out with you guys oh what a lovely way to end section now it's time to tell you about my absolute favorite sponsor it's love honey and my

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No, because I was thinking about this, like for everyone else who's got a fella already, like when it's decimated, they've already like bought into the product. Do you know what I mean? They've like got insurance on the house as it were. I've got to like show someone around this for the into the product. You know what I mean? They've got insurance on the house, as it were. I've got to show someone around this for the first time. Do you know what I mean?

Like, just say it's vibrant. Didn't get it at auction. You listen, listen, listen. Use your imagination. Just, have you ever seen a vagina? Well, get that out of your head. Imagine. Yeah.

I don't want you to see it to stage. I want you to see its potential. Imagine. Um, yeah. So I don't want you to see it stays. I want you to see it's potential. It's open plan now. Are you still in your, um, your wonderful ladies group with all the other? Oh my God. I got out of the pregnancy yoga group. It's a fucking disaster. The moment I did it was when someone sent a meme to the group saying, Oh my God, I'm gonna be sick. Labor is the only blind date you'll ever go on where you know you're going to meet the love of your life. Did you call your kid the love of your life?

Thank you. And also I don't think the love of my life will be heralded by my vagina becoming my asshole. Do you know what I mean? Like I don't think that's going to happen on the same day. If he calls it, he'd be like fucking big. And statistically, they both could kill you. You're so right Danny. No, that's probably what she meant. That's what she meant. She was like, so the words today almost definitely probably statistically going to die. Good. No, I hadn't thought of it like that. I fucking women man, shut them up. Can this take us on to the next of orders that you asked me to do? Yeah. Let's do it. Right. Can I tell you what my name is? Yeah. Do you have any? I think women who say I'm not really a girl's girl,

should have their vaginas sealed up and have to do anal for the rest of their lives. I mean, I don't know why I'm arguing against this because great. Do you know what I mean? Do you ever hear them? Do they just say I'm not really a girl's girl? I'm not really a girl's girl, more of a kind of like a guy's girl. Isn't that because they... Is that not you though? No. No. I think the best girls in the world. Are you like a guy's girl. Isn't that because they don't get on with girls? Is that not you though? No.

No. Really? I have the best girls in the world. Are you kidding? Mike, like I have the best girls in the world. She's friends with your girl. I'm friends with your girl. I'm going out for a drink with your girl tonight. Yeah, but I feel like my missus is one of the lads as well. You can't just be one of the lads because you want to hang out with her.

She has a pint. Yeah. She drinks pints using pints. Yes, I know, but like- No, your girl is a has a pint. Yeah. She drinks pints using pints. Yes, I know. But like, No, your girl is a girl's girl. Yeah. Yeah, of course she is. She loves a hen do.

She loves all the legends. No, you know the girls girls. There's actually one who you all know who I will say when we finish the podcast. She's a fucking whore who hates her. And she, and she, and she, she's one of those who you're like, do you know how I know I don't like her from the off? She had no girlmates, absolutely not a single girlmate. And I was like, you're fucking big sign. You hate her. You hate her. And how's quite a wide. How do you know my mom? If you'd have gone, you like it, you'd have gone, oh yeah.

And it is, I've said to other girls on the scene, I was like, and I was making the point to one of the boys, I was like, I'll tell you what, she's a fucking dick. I was like, does she have a single girl mate? Have you ever seen her have a single girl mate? And one of the other girls, I remember was like, amen. She's like, everyone hates her. I was like, she had a single girl mate. If you ever seen have a single girl mate and one of the other girls, I remember was like, I mentioned like everyone hates her. I tell you what I am. It's it's a big like lack of serious and close friends is a big red flag with several like relationship things. Yeah. Like I went through a breakup a few years ago that I completely made up. Like a big, like a very common symptom of financial infidelity, which is the official term of it is not having any close friends. Yeah. Because it just, it's like a accountability

issue. It's yeah. I just think it's mad. Like your girls, they're everything. They're, they're there's like sanity check that everything everything. I mean mine were so unbelievable in all of it this last few months. Like one of them called me like two weeks ago. It was so funny. She called me. Obviously everyone's giving this like bullshit nice advice and she called me. She was like babe, how's the wanking? And I was like, thank you God. She has the wanking and I was like, I don't like when girls, that's our word by the way. Honestly rattles me. I'm sorry. Lyrical masturbation. What's the women like mass strumming? Frig off. How's the friggin? Wankins are with. Okay fine.

Flicking. How's you flicking? I'm not saying that strumming strumming. Yeah. Like in a quarter. Fine. Beautiful. What's strumming? She goes, she was like, she's like, honestly to his four year bus. She's like, I am, I wouldn't have my husband anywhere fucking near me. And she has my vibe back to three times a day. I was like, thank you so much for calling. I just finished Googling whether my kids can have a starter. But that's what you need your girls for. Like I don't women who don't have a girl's girl. Yes you be a girl's boy? What do you mean? Like I'm not a girl's girl. I like boys. Can boys give me a, can they? Yeah.

The, the, the equivalent to this, I think is those lads that used to be like, Oh, I just really like Juno. Like my perfect date is to just watch Juno and go on the swings and like just get some nugget. You know, the ones that try and be too. Yeah. Was Danny want it? Oh bowling.

Oh, like the boys are like the girls, but like I can't go paddle boarding. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. safety thing though. Maybe. And also hilarious. We watch the best TV shows. So yeah. Anyone else got an executive order? We've got a few listener ones. This is from Cameron. Executive order. All right, boys. My executive order would be that the death penalty is a literal penalty. If you score, that's you say for the year.

the year. If you miss your shot dead on the spot by the celebrity goalkeeper seeing Ian Huntley sky a penalty and getting shot by Paddy McGinnis. No, it should be like the severity of your crime is all of a kind and. Maybe it's just Chip and Xbox. What now though? Like Patti Kielty is in gold. You know what I mean? You're gonna score. That's interesting. I like that. So if Patti's on the spot, then it's Schmeichel in gold. Like it's like that.

Yeah. Yeah. I think that was incredible. Patti knows a footballer. Oh, suck my dick. I hate it when you all do this. Freddie does it sometimes. He's like, I actually just... Shut up! Just because I've got a vagina, I have watched football.

Have you? I didn't think you meant to... No, we talked about this. It was like, how many can you name? And you named about six. Do you remember the game when you were like, the initials? Yeah, yeah, yeah. By the way, I want to make this absolutely clear. That was not a sexist joke.

That was a joke at your expense. Just me. Just me. Who's the best player in the league right now? Do you want to talk about it? Don't I have to say Mo Salah? Right. I suppose she does now. We've got another one. This is from Ben.

Hi lads, potentially controversial executive order. I'd introduce this. Banning lads from pissing in a store when the urinals free. It's the small dick equivalent of a fat guy wearing a t shirt in the water. You're falling no one yet still managing to piss on every inch of the seat. Interesting. Nah, I'm pissing my wants to see dicks. Yeah, I just think you're also sometimes I go to the loo just have a minute. Yeah, you know, he just wants to see. Sometimes I want to sit down with you. So they'll Sit down and I think in the bathroom. Who agrees? Does he want that? Does he just not want to sit on piss? Yeah, but that's a given. But wipe it up. Yeah. But wiping up someone else's piss is horrific. Don't you have toilet then? You've got your choice. Wipe it up off. Fuck

off. I'm more dicks in the stock in the fucking. I'm pissing wherever I want. Last night after we got done filming in London. We saw four lads do this. No, it was us. So me mate picked us up in his cab and Carl and Harry were having a piss against a wall. A toilet, we were having a piss against a toilet. A public wall. And then they were finished,

so me and Nevin took over and took the spot. I'm just having a piss and I fell out like. Why did you all just go? What? Why was it like, it was two hidden corners. Two corners. Right, okay. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you're being chic. A fellow come out and went, oh, fucking hell, bro. You know there's a camera on the other side of that wall getting a good old picture of your face, you silly man. What's he gonna do? Show the police.

They were doing a wig, right? We need to catch them doing it, don't we? It's not mad, though. Do you think the police just have like a reel of like all the willies they've seen in London? I dread to think what the police have seen because of stuff like that. You know, when you think like how many,

I've had loads of, loads of pisses. I've had loads of sneakyes, I've had loads of sneaky piss that I thought were sneaky pisses. Like, and you don't realize how like the cameras, how close they are as well. I once was coming home pissed out of roses and I was walking up East Gate Street and the bin was out and I picked up the bin and the police just came around the corner within like two minutes. I went to put that down. So I just put it down and like they're watching all the time. It's worse when you're a girl like to take a wild wee when you're a girl is so like.

That was what was that? I just picked the bin up. Yeah, I was young. What were you going to do with the bin? The bin was there and I was like, oh, like, no, I was with mates. So I was like, pretending to like put it on my mate. I actually thought, I thought this was a real Danny Matt moment where like you just got really autistic about the bins being in the wrong place. No, no, no. That's hard.

Yeah. But no, I was like pretending to put it on me mate. And then the police just came. They weren't there, but they just came around. You and Justin Morehouse, because that's a real I'd really like to see. Put the bin down. Put the bin down. I've never felt so stupid. Yes sir. Why has he got any right to tell you that?

What did you say? No. Yeah. Then I'll have to take a penalty against Oliver Carr. That's not a crime is it? What kind of a criminal? Pickin' a bin up. Probably, like there's loads of things that you've.

Disturbing the peace. Yeah, that they'll get you for. It's like if you're driving and you're like that and they pull you over and that's a banana. Like technically you're not on the phone, but they'll just go on when you- It's sort of a distraction. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They'll always get you with something if they want to get you. Well if you do that, don't you? Then they'll get you for swearing at the police. Holy officer. You can swear at the police? Can ya? Of course you can.

They're not fucking God. I didn't, I thought they were God. It happened to Fred. You just have to say in your opinion. So if he pulls you over, you just have to go, in my opinion, you're a pig scum cunt. Oh wow. I didn't know that. But Fred got stopped by the police.

And there's me like rude to them going fucking well. And they were like, right, hang on. And they just went round and went that tires a bit bald. And then Freddie had to give him 20 quid because he roasted him on the street. But the impounder this car, he took his car off him. Because the police can do that. They will just find something. But isn't that a big, big problem that no one seems to be asked about that the police can just do that? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I got followed all the way home by the police once from Manchester to Liverpool and they were like, we think you're drunk driving. I haven't actually had a drink for three months and they were like, well you've been swerving and going in different lanes and stop starting and I was like, oh, I was singing. And they were like, what? I had my eyes shut a little bit. It just happened to be the cha cha slide. To the left now, yeah. But then, yeah, then they started being like, oh, you're registered, you're not registered in Liverpool. I was like, no, no, I'm registered. They were trying everything. They were my driver's license, everything to find. I was like, I literally, I'm Stone Cold Sober. I have a really

fantastic singing voice when I'm by myself in my car. And I was just giving it some Mariah. They let you drive from Manchester Liverpool thinking you were drunk. They said they had followed me from Manchester to Liverpool. And I was like, if you think I'm drunk, the M 62 stopped me. She's so drunk. She thinks this is London. What was the comedian? I can't remember who it was, but the police pulled him over and then they checked his tires and they were fine. And then they checked like loads of stuff and it turned out they got him because he had like an unsecured bottle in the boot. Stop it. It was rolling around like that. Yeah. They rolling around like they'll get you. If they want it, they'll find something.

Yeah, they'll get you. Guys, we're putting ourselves in a firing line now. That's why I just have no respect for the pig scum, because they'll just do that to you. I got stopped for doing this. Like they thought I was drunk. And then they were like, oh, you were swerving a bit. And I was like, hey, fever.

Sneezing. And they were like, oh. You actually got to close your eyes? Yeah. They can't stop you. You can't sneeze your eyes open. Because your eyeballs fall out. Apparently. Yeah. If you sneeze when your eyes are open, they fall out. That's what happened to me. And if you sneeze eight times consecutively with your eyes open, spunk comes out your eyes. I don't know. That's what they say.

Bananas should die. Potassium overdose. Oh yeah. You've got that bottle for potassium. Sorry. Magnesium. Was potassium. Sorry? Magnesium. Was that for magnesium? Magnesium water, yeah. Oh, right. Can't find a charger. Paul Smith had like a magne... like you put just water in his bottle and press button and it... is it magnet... it's hydrogen. I'm sure it was potassium.

No, it was hydrogen. Yeah, yeah. And it hydrogenises the water or whatever. What does that do? Probably something to go hydrogen. It looks like he's drinking out the lava lamp. Yeah, it looks really cool. But I was on it for like three weeks, and it was like, oh, this is cool, isn't it?

And then you lose it. I lost the charger. So now it's just like a flask. Is it a proprietary charger, not type C? No, it looks like a DC, like a- Yeah, yeah, fuck that. Everything should just be C. That's an executive order.

Everything C, no, please. Yeah, a universal plug. Everything type C. Just back to everything type C. If, a universal plug. Everything's back to everything. Oh, if we're universalizing stuff, right, I think it should be illegal to this would be more than one parking app. Yes.

So good, Danny, that's so good. How have we? There should be a governmental parking app and that's the one you use. Yeah, it is absurd how many parking apps I've got with me. Yeah, we've done this, haven't we? Because I said like every company

should just have to put theirs on that app. Still get paid. Fucking go into Edinburgh and have to get Ringo out the cloud is just so annoying. Or you go to the train station, APCOA. Who the fuck is that? Who's she? I've got Ringo, Pay by Phone, Phone and Pay.

Then you get them confused. Pay by Phone's the goat at the minute. That's the best. That's easy. Yeah, that's easy. The ones, it's on up in Stockton when you do Stockton, the Manfred Stockton, which is, I think it's the only car back in the country that has a specific easy. The ones that's on up in Stockton, when you use Stockton, the Manfras, which I think is the only car park in the country

that has a specific app. And you're like, for the love of fucking God, like you can't rush. I had to download the NCP. That's the worst one. Oh God, that's the worst. So the other day I had to download that to park my car. It's the first time I've ever parked

in this little car park I had to. There's no way to pay either contactless or with coins. You have to do it. Only on that app. And You have to do it. Only on that app. And they have to know where to live. I'm like, you shouldn't be able to find out my address. That shouldn't be the only option.

But I understand that you go out, do you want to pay on the app? Well, then you need to give us all your addresses or go and pay contactless. Cause also, you know, the NCP will come and shoot your girlfriend in the middle of the night if they've got your address. Yeah, exactly.

So you just got to be really fucking careful about that. That's who it will be. Mr. NCP. I know exactly who this is. We're going to do some have a words. Just do it. This is, oh there is. Do you want me to press it? No, no. Just everything. This is from- Oh, there is? Do you want me to press it? No. No. Oh, all right. This is from Joe Gray. Hi, lads. I've been with my wife for 12 years, married for four. Flex.

She prefers showers. However, when she treats herself to a bath, I have always run it for her. Last week, she chose to run herself a bath, and to my horror, I found out that she sits in an empty bath and then runs the water. Like an old person. She says that way she can get the temperature right

first time, have a fucking word. Nah, go fuck yourself, Joe Gray. I mean, don't get me wrong, there's a middle ground. I don't sit in the actual empty bath, but I'll put like that much in it and then get in it. Seneca does this. It saves time. Seneca sits in about that.

If I'm not dirty. I do about two thirds before I get in. If I'm not dirty, like if I've been playing footy and I've got mud on me, I'll have a shower then a bath. But if it's just like. You sit in this much water. If it's just the sweaty bath, as in like the end of the day and I'm having a bath,

there's no stains on me. I will sit in that much water and that's when I'll do my wash. But when did you put the pirate bubble bath in? The matey. We've got loads of matey. It's there behind you. Behind you.

But you will be so concentrated. Do you not get in like a really undiluted matey bath? No, I don't always put bubbles in. You don't? No, because I've got some bath bombs and that. Sick. I don't like a bath bomb, it makes you feel like, slippy. Silky.

Yeah. Makes me feel like silky. I'm a dog mind. Imp slippy. Silky. Yeah. Yeah. Makes me feel like silky. I'm a dog fan. Start improv-ing. Start improv-ing. Yeah. Makes me wanna do musical comedy. So I'll just, then I'll get my wash done.

So I'll wash everywhere, while there's about that much, and then I'll fill it up, and then you just 100% relax then. That is just the bath for relaxing. You don't have to do any cleaning. If I ever get a bath, I get in when it's too hot and just get used to it. Yes, I might just burn.

Yeah, yeah. No, two thirds in, not quite hot enough. Get in, put it on full hot on the top and get it to the point that I really want it like at the peak of class. Makes more sense. That's correct. I think you want, ask her if she,

ask if his wife also someone who puts her milk in before her tea. I'll give him a bath. You know people who put the milk in the cup first. Why? Because they used to be fine China. So if you put the hot water in first, that break her. Jesus, you know everything. It's the, it's the cooler cup. So it doesn't crack when you put the water in the podcast. I'm at the queen of England. Yeah, you are right. Next one. This is from Daniel Watson. Lads. I need you to have a word with my missus's mate.

She's getting married in a few weeks and my missus is one of the bridesmaids. The other day, my wife dyed her hair blue for a bit of a change. She was bored with her normal hair. And when the bride to be found out, she lost it. She said she should have asked before dying as it's now going to clash with the wedding's color palette

and has even gone as far as to say, she doesn't want my wife in the wedding photos because her hair would ruin them. Are you on the side of the bride? No, I understood brides do that until she said don't be in the photos. Yeah, but a colour palette to a bride is very important. What the fuck, your hair colour's your hair colour? Yeah.

No it isn't, because you've just dyed it blue. What if she went and got a really good tan? What's that got to do with it? Well, yeah, colour's changed. No, but say it's like a the wedding, she's got blue hair. Yeah. If she blues herself up. Yeah, she might. She might be really cold. I think if she's dying her hair blue, I think that's the least of the worries on the photos.

The worry is going to be the big nightmare before Christmas tattoo that she's also probably got. I hate that film as well. Did Sereka have any like, would she have done anything if? No, she wouldn't have done anything. She wouldn't have gone, you're not in the photos, but she'd have been like, no brides need to shut up mate. They're just fucking winched, don't they? The only, I'm sorry. The whole wedding thing is, I mean, it blows my mind anyway, but like,

no, shut up. It's her hair. Get fucked. Was she sad, did you say? What? You said, you say, was she sad? Was she, well, like like was there anything someone could do that would have made Sarah like sad on the day? Like if her bridesmaids have like got an extra piercing or like, yeah, like a tattoo across their chest.

Do you think secretly here, like the bride isn't actually worried about the color palette. She's more worried about the blue hair pulling focus from her on the photos. Amen, that's exactly that. That's what it is. Yeah, but that is one of the first things you'd notice, isn't it? Yeah, you'd be like, whoa.

Everyone else is spotty. Fucking smeds in the smooths. Why is there someone with a big blue hat? Why is there someone with a blue head in your wedding photos? That is mad though. I wonder what the color palette is. Well, it's not blue probably. It's probably like a pastel in like blue.

It's just a bit like, oh. So if she'd have had that hair all the time, she'd change the color palette. No, she should have went, why didn't you wait till after the wedding? That's her issue, isn't it? Why are you looking at that? I know, I'm sorry.

A wedding is for you and the fella. She wants to look in a wedding pictures. I am just being the part of the bride and this is what is in this. Yeah, brides are cunts, shut up. Also, do you think, it does sound- Entitled little brat. Not that I'm on anyone's side here,

cause I'm not, but do you think it sort of went through that woman, she might not have done it cause she fancied a little bit of a change. She might've done it. She's very aware of what's happening. She's not stupid. Yeah, I'm gonna look. She's not gonna be like, what?

I've dyed my hair blue and it's an issue. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to a wedding, there's gonna be loads of pictures of me. I've always wanted blue hair. I might as well get good photos done with the new blue hair. She's gonna use me as a headshot.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's not, cause she's not going now. I can't wait for you to get married. What do you mean? He's gonna die there. My missus was like, guess what's happening? One of the bridesmaids died today, blondes. I was like, I'm what, who's asked?

Blondes is what we're gonna do. Blondes is not the issue, is it? It's the fact that she's got a blue hair. I don't care whether you're black, white, blue, or purple, mate. Imagine if I was your, I mean, hopefully you'll be your best man. And you turn over and I've got a fucking blue afro now.

You'd be like, a curl brother? You'd be like, what's happening? A bit of an issue? What are you doing? No, of course he was. Or when pictures now look fucking ridiculous because you've got a blue afro. He's now going to tell you, you have to have a blue afro just to explain.

Right, now it's a Simpsons theme now. Yeah. Honestly, would have no issue with it. Right, but the logistic, your mind, girls have got more of, you know, an emotional brain where they're like, you're ruining the pictures by being selfish and having a blue head. Fuck off your pictures. Your pictures are like such a fucking side event of the day. Like it's about you getting married. The thing that lasts the longest?

Hopefully your marriages. No, the physical thing from the wedding lasts the longest is your pictures. What we haven't thought of, maybe the bride's just a real girly girl. Well, girls, girls, girls, just once I want to be like the best, the blue hair ones like girls. Girl, would you do it? Say you're one of your closest friends to get married. Yeah, you're one of her bridesmaids, a close one, maybe made of honor.

Yeah, would you dye your hair blue before you went? Because I want a blue hair. But if you wanted to change your hair, you wouldn't even... Yeah, I'd do it. I wouldn't... But you wouldn't tell her? No. Like if you wanted like a punk Mohican... Yeah, I've been gearing up to this.

Spikes and all. And if they could upset you, you'd be like, oh, that's totally new information to me. Yeah, I don't have anyone who would be weird about that. My mate wore a bright pink wig on her wedding day as the bride because she thought it was lulz. Yeah, she's the bride. What if she just decided now that she wanted to be in a wheelchair?

It's like, can I be in the photos? That's a similar thing. No, she decides she wants to be in the wheelchair. She wanted a change. She's sick of walking. Do you think she's had to just peg legs herself? Just a knee and a piece of wood. She's like, I actually want to be peg leg on this one.

I just fancy wheeling it about. No, because in 10 years, you're going to go, why were you in a wheelchair again? No one's telling me what to do with my hair, mate. I'm just telling you that right now. Obviously, no one's telling you what to do with it. Obviously, no one is. Because I'm saying, we're men, and we don't care about that.

But bride definitely. I think it's mental that we care about that. And it's not like, not hair, hair. If my missus was like, oh, my bride, maybe I've got bright pink hair. I'd be like, it's hair, babe. Yeah. So conversely, if the bride was like, oh, my bride, maybe I've got bright pink hair. I'd be like, it's hair, babe. So conversely, if the bride was like, right,

so the official dress is bikinis. Could she then go, the blue-haired one, be like, no, I don't wanna wear that. So you've just gotta do what the bride says. No, well, that's a dress code. That is a uniform for the bridal party. Or if she said well if you want to come just you bikini no you're the maid of honor i want you in a bikini man get like

a boar at one you can't say no though you can't go no you can't go i don't want to wear the bikini yeah totally so the bride is i think i think the bride's all right to be like, ah, it's not ideal. Yeah, I agree. You can't tell her what to do, but I understand why she's like, what, why have you got a blue head? You could have waited. Wait till after the wedding to get a blue head. Why?

Not everyone else's life revolves around your wedding. She wants a blue head. I was going to buy a bus next week. She never wants to have a blue head. No, she's got a blue head. I think we've all seen her. This is a safety measure. Exactly. I understand.

Only because I've dealt with a bride. I'm not saying I agree. I'm saying I understand. I'm saying I'll have a blue head if you want a blue head. I can't wait to have a blue head for everyone's wedding. I think that's a pod. Is it? It is. Yeah. Thank you very much for coming in. If you are a fan of podcasts and you should be because this one's great in it. Patreon.com slash have a web of extra content and early access from us. The proper rank pod with Danny Mac and Brendan Reese, which is absolutely flying. Got anything to push at the minute? No, I'm not even going to push it. I'm not even going to Instagram at the moment.

Although I am going to release a taping. It's not a special because I'm not calling it that, but the show that I did at the beginning of the year. You know, it's more pretentious to do that. No, I'm not calling it special because it's not. But it's special to me. So I'm going to. Is it a video of you doing stand up for an hour?

Mm hmm. It's special. No, it isn't special. for an hour? It's special. No, it isn't a special. Everyone has to start calling things special. It's just a special to me. I'll call it that. I'll call it a special to me. But I'm going to do that. I don't want any attention. I've just called something completely different to everyone else. Shut the fuck up.

You're such a blue-haired bridesmaid, you. But I'm going to do that at the end of the year. When does your special come out? End of November, beginning of December when it's ready. But I'm going to do that at the end of the year. When does your special come out? End of November, beginning of December when it's ready. But I'm going to do that just because I really loved it. What would you mean it's ready if it's not, if it's just a taping? Well, it just has to be edited and made. Oh, you're editing your special?

I'm not. If it's just a taping, just throw it up. The production company are doing that. Yeah, HBO. But yeah, so I'm going to do that at the end of the year. Well, we'll get you on before that anyway. It's nice to be to push that. Have we got a little dickhead with a guitar?

We've got a few dickheads with a guitar. It's a band before that myself, Dan and Harry have got our karaoke party. Six of September tickets are on danangel.com. It's essentially just a big piss up with the have a word crew. It's a sweaty piss up though. I love it. It's a sweaty piss up though. I love it. It's great. Yeah. Yeah. This the band this week are called Stay Safe and this is their tune. Take it all back.

And you should. It's a good message. Yeah. Which one? Stay Safe. Oh, take it all back. Look at that. Every night all we ever do is fight Till my heart is getting colder Silent screams of what we know Counting the days till you're holding me closer Can we go back to what we had before?

I'm losing track My foot is in the door, on and on this whole thing goes Drag it out the last of balls, even though the deck is stacked I wanna take it all back Take it all back I just wanna hold you closer Why can't we stop this over? I'm so tired of fighting Promise you I'll never stop trying Cause times they change, we stay the same No one's to blame, you know we're better together

Can we go back to what we had before? I'm losing track, my foot is in the door On and on this whole thing goes Tryin' out the last of us Even though the deck is stacked I wanna take it all back Take it all back I'm sorry, so sorry

I didn't mean to say that I'm sorry, so sorry Just wanna take it all back I'm sorry, so sorry Just wanna take it all back I'm sorry, so sorry I didn't mean to say that I'm sorry, so sorry Just wanna take it all back Can we go back

To what we had before I'm losing track My foot is in the door On and on this whole thing goes Drag it out then I suppose Even though My foot is in the door On and on this whole thing goes Drag it out then I suppose Even though the deck is stacked I wanna take it all back

I'm sorry, so sorry I can't admit it Take it all back I'm sorry, so sorry I'm gonna take it off