Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #345 with Joey Dardano - Have A Word w/Adam, Dan & Carl

Episode Date: September 7, 2025

Tickets for the ARENA SHOW, merch and loads more available on our website! https://haveawordpod.comTickets for Have A Word Live shows as well as Adam and Dan's tours and previews:Adam's Tickets: https://www.adamrowe.comDan's Tickets: https://dannightingale.comDan & Finn's Final Karaoke Party: https://www.skiddle.com/e/40966945Finn's Manchester Tickets: https://www.skiddle.com/e/41320166Listen to Finn's music: https://bio.to/FinnlayKAs Adam and Dan said, don't miss out on all of our extra content, we've got one of the best value Patreons in the game. An extra 90+ minute episode every week plus loads of bonus content such as the now infamous Lockdown Lock-ins, the Nashville & Amsterdam specials and our Ghost Hunts! What are you waiting for? Sign up now at https://patreon.com/haveawordpod​Get subscribed to Have A Word Highlights: https://youtube.com/haveawordhighlightsThanks to this week's sponsors:Hello Fresh | https://www.hellofresh.co.uk/HAVEAWORD50Go to https://www.hellofresh.co.uk/HAVEAWORD50 to enjoy an exclusive offer of 50% off your first box, along with a 20% discount for the following one month plus free desserts for life.Saily | https://saily.com/Download SAILY in your app store and use our code HAVEAWORD at checkout to get an exclusive 15% off your first purchase or go to https://saily.com/haveaword 🌍Lovehoney | https://lovehoney.co/word_podcastLove how you love and take 20% off site wide to unlock sexual happiness and discover a happier you with promo code: AFF-WORD20Manscaped | https://manscaped.com20% off with promo code: WORD20NordVPN | https://nordvpn.com/haveawordEXCLUSIVE NordVPN Deal ➼ Try it risk-free now with a 30-day money-back guaranteeMerch:https://haveawordpod.comADAM ROWE and DAN NIGHTINGALE are two award winning comedians from Liverpool & Preston, respectively. They are two of the UK's most highly regarded stand-ups and have both performed all over the world. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Have a Word podcast. I'm here with my good friend and business partner Carl. And my God, we've achieved a lot on this podcast in the last five and a half years. Oh, it doesn't get any bigger than this. We are back with a podcast live show at the arena in Liverpool. On Saturday, the 20th of December, it's going to be a podcast extravaganza. Stand up in the first half, booze in the break. And then we have a podcast live show.

We have essentially a party. If you were there three years ago, you know how good it gets. It's just a celebration of everything. Have a word. Are you excited about this car? I'm so excited because the names you've got lined up are going to change how you view podcasts, mates. How have they got him? How have they got him?

How have they got them? Yeah. It's going to be an amazing podcast party right before Christmas. It will be the last thing you do just before Christmas. And then you shut it down for Christmas Gooch and New Year's Eve. Imagine this for one second. I love the Haveaway podcast. Wow, I love them, boys.

I've watched it for five years. Wow. I'm going to give it a miss out of the arena. It's not for me. January comes. Everyone's going. They just hear about the arena. Can you bleep?

You don't know a thing, mate. You don't know a loop. No one even likes you anymore. So, you can get... Don't be that guy or girl. Buy a ticket. Ticket. Live Nation.

And also... Haveawaypod.com. Yeah, that's the one. Go to our website. And also sign up to the Patreon. Patreon. patreon.com slash have a word pod for the biggest patron in the UK and one of the biggest in the world. That's ours. Don't be the guy who goes, I didn't go because I went shopping instead.

Silly Billy. That was a really good pre-roll. Cheers, me. He did really well there. You were great on today's episode. As ever. Thank you. It was a great episode with insert name. Don't you agree? I love insert name. Yeah. Enjoy. Wagwaglids, you're listening to the funniest podcast in the game From the Heart of Liverpool with Adam, Dan, Sensei Carl and Finn This is the one and only have a word Brought to you by Monscape, the very best products on the market

For below the waist groomer Go, Ed, get on me Are you next up to Batham? For the audio listeners, Dan Layball! Dan has got a baseball jersey on with the black underarmament like poking out the bottom of it.

He's got like a matching baseball hat on and he's got his headphones. The headphones are like to protect them. Lats, I've got some news. Get into baseball. You know you're into paddle. America's game. The Windy City.

My game. The Windy City, I think that goes. The Windy City, Chicago. And whenever we say Chicago, someone has to say the Windy City. Yeah, but no one said Chicago. So you just said The Windy City

Chicago America's game The Windy City Gun crime Trump Oh happy layering season Everyone And happy birthday Harry

Just made it up there Happy layering Alleying season Everyone To you Harry before in the lift Had that outfit on But with sunglasses

And he looked like He was on his first day of Spice Girl That does look like Yocauono's hat Jack said that this hat was stylish so I'm standing by that I do look at like I do look like a 50s train driver all of all yeah but in a cool way

well in America the windy city in a windy city the Amstrak country I can't believe how much looks like a baseball player because of the headphones it looks like a helmet the lovely jazz you know it's one of the nicest gifts I've ever received Laura's face when she got nothing It's not your fault. I was like, babe, it's not, you are not part of this.

Well, I was going to get the girlfriend's gift. Oh, God, I mean, at what point are you spending too much? I spend too much in all. Is that not on Sereka? Yeah, it is. Yeah, she's not here. Because there's 10. No, but then does, would that mean Carl has to get Seneca's mate's boyfriend's gifts?

Yeah. It's a domino effect. And then how far did you go? Their mum's. Yeah? Then your mum gets something? She should have. She should have.

She does? My cock. Hi, mum The soundest of all the mums But I was gone who And then Seneca went You haven't got the space I had to buy a new suitcase

For all your gifts I couldn't Yeah Had to buy a new suitcase What would you have got Laura That's a fun game Um A cute, some cute chit

Or like the skincare over there Is that good Oh there you go She could have had some skincare If he gave a fuck The wrinkly old bitch Good one Carl Tell Sarah can so out

Have you used your sex gel yet? I bought you a sex chill Yeah, yeah It's the end of the summer holidays And she's on a period So no Sounds like she needs a dick then Yeah

You are? Sounds like she needs a dick Oh, that's what women need Six weeks of childcare And a menstrual cycle That nothing gets her more revved Hang on Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Ooh Does Lord have not get really horny When she's on No, they get her when they're ovulating before. What? The ovulation just before, but not when they're on.

Oh, my experience is different. Oh, yeah, but it's because it's you, in it. The fucking magnetism, right? I'm always all around Adam, me. You get it from that. Who's that? Who's that?

I remember having a girlfriend, she got in a car crash, and she was like, Adam, I've lost a leg, but fuck me. Nothing gets me hornyer when you're around. Please don't come to the hospital. No, but from my experience, women on the period,

like a keen for fucking... I've not got that experience. Yeah, yeah. Well, the rest of the male world, not as convinced. No, it does happen, I think. Yeah. Ah, it does happen. It's one of God's little tricks, isn't he?

He made them horny when we don't want to fuck them because they're all moody and bleeding. Jesus. The greatest trick, the devil ever played. Is that John 511, I think? God, God. What of God's little trick? How am I five and a half years in?

I'm still like, wow. I don't even know what I've just said. That's wrong. Yeah. It's not. that it's wrong. It's just so heavily hammered home. What do you mean? We're bleeding and

we don't want to fuck them. Do you know what I mean? It's not that we don't want to. It's just the time we less want to. Well, no, some absolute veterans of the poos, you know, some soldiers. They get right in there, don't they? Yeah. You know what's mad? I mean,

I mean, Sereyholy learned this like in the last couple of years as well. There's only a certain amount of days in the month they can get beggars, isn't it? Yeah. Which means if you're like, fuck someone on a one-night stand and you get them pregnant the odds are mad the odds are insane

yeah it's a miracle of life really one-night stance it's a miracle of life no but like but when you're taught as a kid like you have sex they're getting pregnant it's quite unlikely actually

that's Catholic teachings though in it what class was that Ari come Ari come sorry I forgot did they split the hour we're gonna learn about DiVali and then

learning, learn about finishing in her. All right. Pretty much. Busy curriculum here at St. Murderers. But even, like, Seneca, who you know, is a lady and she has the lady parts. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

She only, in the last few years, found that out too. You think you'd be taught that in school? We got taught that. There was a family in our school that was, that had, like... A family in your school? What live in there? No, so they were, so they were, like, heavily Catholic,

and they would do the thing where it was like they would only bang their contraception was like the cycle and they had like a calendar but she had 10 kids so she wasn't very good at it Is that the rhythm method? No, that's a totally different thing. What's the rhythm method?

The rhythm method is like you try and like hang it on the same way. You get the rhythm going and then and then I think you both go in separate rooms and come separately but you stay in rhythm. Yeah, you only fuck to music with a slower beat. Is that what it is? It's just, yeah, it's just tracking your menstrual cycle.

You're the rhythm method? Oh, oh, I didn't realize it. Adam's not taken in any of that. No, it's about music. And then they're separating. Put some dance music on. You're mad with that kind of rhythm. Yeah.

And the man wanks and the woman's drums and they try and come to the same rhythm. And then it feels like they've had like a mutual sex. Do any of you have music on when you're having sex? Sometimes. What music? Intentional music. You don't have punch your music on.

I mean, yeah. I have. Ficked a country music. Intentional music. Which is me? Like, when I'm about to fuck, I'm going to put some music on

or you're fucked and there's music on. Well, if it was intentional, I probably wouldn't go with the country. I'd probably go with something a bit more Barry Whitey. Buddy White,

yeah. He's the guy, he's the guy? You have never had sex to Barry White. I have. I don't think so. I haven't had sex with Barry White, but I understand sex too,

Banny White. Come here, babe. That's not his actual name. come on cap his real name is fin why have you saying google off me just check i've checked what it is john white it's barry white

you're thinking of sila black aren't you yeah her real name's john white they swap they went well silver black was called sila white wasn't she sila white's real name is sila white and she changed it to look more urban and cool

oh that the first bit Two of the second bid isn't. Right. But her and Badi White swapped. Because she was doing a lot of R&B nights. This won't wash. But yeah, use your sex gel.

I got him a sex gel. What does it do? It makes you like, you know, let's have it. Yeah, but that's Dan. Dan idols at like a 95 of that, doesn't it? Oh, then he's going over the limit then. Yeah, I already am. Looks like heavy gear, like.

It does. Where did you get? Is it called Zengar? Yeah, and a naughty, naughty sex shop. Right. Like, really naughty. So you got your knickers from as well. Thanks.

Yeah. I went there especially for you. Cheers, Mike. When I, like, go on holiday with my missus, or even if we're just in, like, another city, she's obsessed with, like, high-end cocktail bars. Like, because that's their, like, background and stuff.

Yeah, she likes a good cocktail. Yeah, she does like a good cocktail. High-end. So, like, there's a website. I called the top 50 bars in the world and it's like a big deal for like high-end cocktail bars to try and be in that every year. So if wherever somewhere that's got one of them

or a couple of them will always try and go and one of the ones in Lisbon was called something like Penn Sourmore or something like that. It was a former brothel. There was just pictures of like fucking pussies and tits on the walls in frames by the way and on the way in there was a vending machine

full of rubber cocks. Dildos? You just get a dildo? Sick. So they've taken over and gone, we don't need to change anything about the decor. Pretty much. I like that.

It's meant to be quaking different dinner cocktail bars. Yeah. I mean, it felt seedy in there. It felt like we were like, if we'd stayed another 15 minutes, we'd have been invited into a gang bang. Good drinks, though. All right.

Oh, really? Yes. Yeah, I think we realised it was once in the top 50 and now it's like sort of 712 or something. If you're a high-end cocktail lady, what's the sort of, is there an order that you think this will test them? You don't go in and go, can I have a sex on the beach, do you?

That's hot. No, that would be mental, yeah. People don't need you to leave. So I go with classics, personally. I'll go with like an old-fashioned or a niggaroni or something like that. Oh, strike one done. But the thing, and I didn't know this really. Like the thing that separates the best cocktail bars in the world from the rest is their

creativity. It's not about making like a classic well. It's about putting their twists on them and making them better with, you know, creativity and whatever. So...

It'd be like cuisine, in it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So like the best cocktail bars in the world will, you can go into any of them

and those bartenders will be able to make you any classic you've ever had. Right. If you go in and like, go, I don't even want to look at the menu. I just want, you know, a Nogroni Spagliato.

They'll be like, not a problem. Sort of out for him to circle. oh yeah from the meme yeah um but they'll have their menu and my mrs will always order his from their the special rated menu yeah because she's like this is why it's a great bar because of this whereas what i'll normally do like in the past i used to just go with classics but because she's sort of won me round on this if we're going to have two cocktails in a bar like that, my first one I'll get from their menu, and the second one I'll normally go with

one of the classics that I like. Cool. It's a great thing for your misses to be into, isn't it? Especially because now we've got all the equipment and all the fucking Verminth and everything in the house. So there's been a couple of times since we moved in, where we've just both got back on like a Friday or Saturday night and she's gone on a cocktail, and she'll just make, like, and she's as good as like anyone at making them.

Yeah, but you know, when you go on a city break, usually your partner's like, I want to go and see the cathedral. She's like, I want to go and get shit-faced. High-end shit-faced. Honestly, if I told Alex, hey, we're going sightseeing today. I think she'd go, all right, well, I'll see it in the pub. Like, it's a phenomenally good match, to be honest with you. Marri.

Like, if I was like, oh, should we go climb the tower of the cathedral? Look how to all over the city. She'd be like, I'll just go gogly. I think let's just go and get a pint. I think when you've seen one cathedral, you've seen it more. And there's one, there's two here. And they're good as well. Yeah.

They're pretty good. Cathedral? There are some good cathedrals. If you are, if you've got three or four days in a, I mean, in a city. And also getting on the roof is pretty good

because then you get the, the view in it. Get on the roof. No, when they do that thing where they... I do like a view. Yeah. I do like a view.

It's worth it. What are you, what are you, you going into a high-end cocktail bar done? You've got an off menu, though. Oh. Off menu. Yes.

What are you, what are you going for? What's time beef for no reason? I'm ashamed? Off menu? What did I have recently? I'm not a cocktailsman. A ploma faith?

A paloma. A what? A paloma. A spicy paloma? I've only just put that together. That's why she's called that, isn't it? She probably loves palomas. Or her mom does. I don't think a real name is Paloma.

It's a flower in it. She gives off real vibes that that is a... Hang on. She's your name. Just like Barry White, her name is Paloma Faith. Paloma Faith Blomfield. I think Paloma Blomfield. one in the sold as well.

Fact. What are you going for off menu? A spicy paloma? I had one of, I just don't know. Cocktails that well. When you said Gizano the other week,

I was like, I don't know what it is. What spirit do you like? You like tequila, don't you? Oh yeah, I am getting into the old the marg's. Yeah, the marguerites.

A spicy one. Well, a paloma's got tequila in as well. Yeah, so I've already said that. Yeah. They do a tiramisu martini. What? What is martini?

My mum used to have a martini rosso and lemonade. No, no, no, that's of a moose. No, no, no. So, martini, rosso and lemonade. Martini is a brand. Right. And they've sort of co-opted the name martini for their brand. Rossos is a sweet one.

Rousse. So a martini rossow. All right. So it's like, when you ask for a Jack Daniels and the brand is sort of taken over, and it. Because that's a bourbon and Coke, isn't it, essentially? Or Vaseline, Jack Daniels. It's not quite a bourbon, actually.

it's a Tennessee whiskey it's a sour mash it's a smooth Tennessee whiskey boom boom boom boom yeah that's one of them it's a sour mash it's not a bourbon oh I'm so sorry

you've been to the gath where they make it difficult to have an erection while podcasting but I'll try but yeah so martini actually it's really annoying

that they've chose that name really because it's not like there is vermuth in a martini isn't that I can't think of an example It's like, you know. A martini is a very, I say, very short, very strong, very bitter, very, and like a, a dirty martini is vermuth, gin and, uh...

Olive's. Olive brine. Sereka likes her martini's literally, like, filthy. Like, it's just all of brand with a bit of alcoholing. Isn't that what James Bond had? She liked it's shaken nuts third. right that is a mum drink

till the end of time so that's like a bottle of that is quite a mum spirit to have but martini isn't martini right it's also win it yeah so I'd go on

I'd go for the special and then if I was in a former brothel in Lisbon I'd just stir it with a dilder nice little touch in it that's nice just get one from the vending machine I honest when we go boozing

I just I just usually pick a random Which is exactly what you meant to do, isn't it? On the specials. I haven't got a favourite cocktail. You went through a Mahito phase, didn't you, for a while? That went a bit mental. Yeah, yeah, I was getting pretty drunk there, wasn't I?

Yours is a French martini, isn't it? French martini. Bramble? What a blamble, yeah. What's yours? Strawberry daffery. No. No, that's fine?

No, it's not. No, it isn't. It isn't. I'm now into my Hugo Spritz's. That's come quite big, that, isn't it? Yeah. So funny that you managed to, like, make that gayer. You go spray to...

Or I like a paloma as well. Yeah, there you go. Yeah, I'm odd. What's yours, Harold? I'm a big zombies man. It's like, how old are you still? You know, like, what the fuck are you talking about? No one enjoys a zombie.

You get one, so you'd have to buy another drink. I like rum, and that's got, like, four types in. It's got overproofing it. There was a teaky cocktail place in Manchester the, when I lived there, that did zombies in, like, an old man's pint mug. Yeah. It's a very common, like, student drinks.

So strong. Because you get bladded off. Yeah. One. I also like any drinks that have fruit in it, because I like to eat the fruit. Most cocktails are garnished. No, but, like, when,

no, because we went, went, that, uh, the one in town that we went to. The one in Leroy's, that had, it had like a, a caramelized apricot on it or whatever. And I was scraning that. And I went back to it.

They didn't have it on. They'd run out of apricots. That it ruined the drink, really. The cocktail place we went to in London, all three of us was, uh, what's that? I don't know. Swift. Swift's good.

Yeah. That was a nice little gaff. Yeah. We had nice cocktails after Shane Gillis as well, wherever that was. That was Swift, wasn't it? No, that was, um, like the clubby dive party place.

Yeah, they're meant to be quite good than it as well. Are all those, like the fruity ones just remind me of like afternoon drinking on holiday? Like that's, A darkerty is a pool drink. Yeah. Yeah. There's some good booze in round the pool. You're doing it soon, mate.

Love it, mate. The thing is, though, like holiday cocktail, like, around the pool, sex on the beach sort of those type of cocktails and what I'm talking about, they're totally different fucking things really. Yeah, you're not getting high-end cocktails next on the beach bar sort of thing. No, it's fast food and a good restaurant, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. Absolutely, the same way, but it's not the same game.

Where's Turkey going to be at with the boozing? Are they... It depends where you're... Genuinely, it's the same. It depends where you go. They're a Muslim country, but they're like, yeah. Booze. Have you seen them poor?

There's booze everywhere. One of them places who just do that. There's no measures. You'll have to try my dad's Rackie. It's not. Cock. The Greek side bought the house off left me a bottle of Rackie. The windy city.

In Lisbon, so the best bar in Lisbon is called the Red Frog Speakeasy. And it's hidden. inside another really good bar so there's a bar called monkey mash and uh so we tried to book for red frog and they were like fully booked

like for weeks so we were like oh their sister bar monkey mash we'll just go there and then when we got there Alex was like I'm pretty sure red frog is in here and I was like how can it be in here what are you talking about? She was like look it's got like a similar address it's in here somewhere

like it's like a secret bar and I was like well you know it's fully booked and we'd been talking to the bartenders they were like dead sound we'd had two drinks at this point and ate a bit of food and she just called the bartender over and was like hey we're only in listening for a few days

like we're big like sort of fans of the top 50 and like we love these sorts of bars what are the chances of you getting us into Red Frog and he was like I really don't know you know like I'll ask the question but and he come back over five minutes later

he was like you've got an hour and a half and then and then he went over to it like a tiled wall and he knocked on the tiled wall and then it just opened and he sent us in it was just... Did I tell the story of after the CCC because Bondi and Sean Joyce,

my mate Joyce was from South Africa. Bondi's got a good social life because of you guys, I've got a good social life. We're all the same age. Sean lives in South Africa in Stellenbosch in it. I think he's sort of living an older version of... Joyce. I'm sorry, I'm talking about him again. He's sort of settled into an older existence.

So when we were in the Eagle after the gig, Bondi, we had a few pints and we're having a good time. Bonnie was like, we're going out Saturday night. We should go out. Sean was like, okay. All right. So I was like, right, we'll go to Common All Street Social, which is the perfect step up in terms of bar.

Before the helicopters take you to Dubai. Exactly. He's a multi-millionaire. He's on the moon. But that wasn't letting in. So we went round to Liquor & Co. and liquor and co was DJ on it was lively we'd gone from old man pub that was shutting

to lively nightclubby bar basically we're at the bar I was like right we need to kick this into gear I couldn't see anyone that I knew because Liam works there and usually he's my little inn I was like I'm just going to have to get an espresso martini so I was like can I get three espresso martinis Sean's talking to Bondi so doesn't realise that I've ordered them

so if I can't do coke which is fine I think espresso martini is a really good kick in the dick at the right sort of pointing the night out so they turn up at the bar Sean's like whoa whoa what is this like literally someone had just put like

three grams of coke on the bar like we're fucking taking it up again and Bondi's like NASDAQ 14500 it's just an espresso martini it's just an espresso martini so we downed it and then Liam came down and I was like they've got the speakeasy upstairs but you have to know

someone to get upstairs. A bit like that, Gaff. So Bondi just bought it. You can't wander in. So I was like, Liam, is there any chance we could get upstairs? He was like, I'll ask, because you're not allowed to just go up. You have to have a table. Dow Jones, triple down economic.

So Liam goes up and checks and then... Chance is your next checker. Class. And then... And then Liam comes back down. Liam comes back down and like nods us up. taking your 44 going on 54 year old mate to a speak easy get in

it wasn't it's not the tie wall it's almost I think now it's like 10 15 years since this first happened so a lot of people that have been boozing a lot know that there's like a secret entrance so we just go upstairs Liam opens the door and at liquor and co it's proper like they've made it like a store cupboard

like it looks like that Sean goes what are we doing what are we doing are we doing cocaine? It was like taking your dad to a fucking speakeasy. So Liam is like really enjoying the theatre of this, like close the door behind you

and then goes, are you ready? Pushes the wall and it's got fucking all sorts like paint pots and everything. That opens up into the speakeasy. Short, it was so fun. He was like, whoa. Fucking out. Mind blow.

It was so fun. Like taking someone through that that's never done it. delivered to sea. It's so funny because he's the same age as us but he's just not, I just don't think

going out to bars and speakeases and stuff. Ah, it made it so fun. It was like taking your kids out. You're like, excited. Yeah. I'm gonna dig it for all the fucking earning more jokes that we're done.

That's a new bell. Did you get a new bell when I went away? Yeah, it doesn't. The other one wasn't working. That's also the earning more bell now because no one use it for bullshit. That must never stop going. Cereka, when we started dating,

she went to talk with a surprise, like at the end, and then she knocked, if it'd been to Bury and in town. Yeah. But I didn't know what it was and never even had the speakeas. Like I was, you know,

I was only at late teens. She just knocked on this door and I was like, I was going to, I'd be gone into a fucking brothel or something. But it's like, is it, is it, am i remembering harry potter right when haggard taps the certain bricks yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah but i thought it was the coolest thing that i've ever because they are cool little ideas well shone lived that at 44 years old

yeah i was like this is so sick actually the inventor the barfam's like i didn't even know this was here obviously you're not meant to there's one there's one in nottingham called i think the boiler room or the boiler shop and they've kitted out the whole of the front of the gaff it just looks like a boiler repair place and you've got to go there's no bouncer on it everything is, you've got to go behind the counter and then it's the start of the bar. They're getting a bit hach now. Yeah, so that's what I, I think now everyone's done it.

What's the right word? Is it passe or? Yeah. There's one in time, like, X-Directory. Well, so I took Ellie to X-Directory for a date now. I was like, this will be all good. We'd had a nice meal, whatever.

We were getting a bit sexy afterwards. And we went. Whoa. You were getting sexy after. No, it was so my full disclosure, I nicked one of the remote control vibrators from the love honey box. Right.

and she popped it in and then we walked to X Directory and she popped it in her or you in her yeah oh right man and her vagina in her vagina in a pussy

and I went to X directory it's rough being one of our partners isn't it? It's a rough deal yeah she didn't know we were going to this like

secret gaff and I was like oh this and we kept turn around the corner and you meant to go through a telephone box but the wall was just open like as if they'd had the delivery

and there was just a fella stood at the wall and he was like, are we going in there? He was like, yeah. And we went to go in at the wall and he was like, no, you've got to go in through the phone box. So we went in through the phone box. He then didn't ID me, but ID there, which made me feel like a paedophile.

And then we sat down and ordered drinks and this thing is just going inside her, vibrating. And like, it kind of killed the mood that like the whole speakeasy thing had been ruined. And she sat there and she vibrated or whatever. She's like, I think it turned it off now. Like, oh, no. Like, she was like, she was like, that's enough.

And I, and I went on the phone and press off. And she was like, no, Harry turned it off. And because we'd gone underground, there'd no signal. And it was just going and she was just vibrating. I was like, Harry turned off. And I went, babe, your pussy's gone AWOL. And she was just like, do it. So she had to like get up and just like hover to the bathroom.

Kind of ruined date night a little bit. Yeah, that does sound like that. Harry, turn it off now is, I think, turn it off now. It was like, I go home. He was, like, trying to flirt with, like, a rumour. Babe, I can't turn it off. Do you know the Wi-Fi? Oh, God.

Sexy times. Adam, yeah. How's your car? Because this is usually Harry. Fucking, how does it feel? No, bed. You're like fucking in Goodfellas when he calls Joe Pesci. So, I'm a mate, man now.

So it's, if you're the Patreon, you know, last week, you will have heard a small update on this. My car got clamped because it ran out of tax a couple of months ago. Also, it feels like they just invented that as a scam. What does that mean? Tax your car. What? I don't get it.

Why don't get it? It's road tax. To pay for, like, repairs and the roads and stuff. There's a loads of fucking pot holes, mate. Yeah, because people like me aren't paying the tax on the car. So I just, it's slipped my mind. You know, it's been a busy few months. It was never on your mind.

No. especially because it hasn't been tax since April 2003. How wild is that? Two years. A couple of months. I just missed it. Do you mean?

You just, like, you miss one letter and then you're fucked for two years. Yeah, you've missed one letter. Also, all I've seen that is is two years free tax. Yeah, it's a good place to look at it. I just genuinely missed it. And also, very recently, very recently, the MOT is up.

Yesterday. Actually, while I've been away in Lisbon, but genuinely that's when the MOT was up. Mad coincidence, really. Unthinkable. Obviously, if you are a patron, you'll know. I lent me car to Jack while I went to Lisbon.

And have my untaxed, un-MOT car. See you later. And the front right, tire has gone flat, fully flat. So he didn't even get the chance to use it, really. And it's parked outside his Mars house with a flat tire. Now, here's the thing.

Once you get clamped for not having tax, they won't take the clamp off until you tax the car. Yeah. You can't tax a car that hasn't got a valid MOT. Good fun. And they won't put MOT. on cars that are clamped outside Jack's mum's house. That's a fact.

So I can't take the clamp off because it's not taxed. I can't tax it because it hasn't got an MOT and I can't take it for an MOT because it's clamped. Now Adam, knowing you and your skill at dealing with admin has setting the car on fire like past Jim, past

I have thought about because I think like let's say the car is worth 20 grand. Let's say it's worth 20 grand, right? where it is right now it's probably worth 18 to someone

and I have thought about just listed it for sale where it is and taking that hit and then just buying a new car bought as seen what bought as seen yeah can you take the clamp off no

that's your clamp free clamp but yeah but you've got a box now haven't you how so They will take the clamp off, an untaxed car, but you have to pay them insurance.

So you pay what's called a surety fee. So it's under quid to get the clamp off. It's another 160. Like, to be like, hey, we're taking 160 quid off yet to make sure you get this taxed in the next two weeks. Okay? Promise. And if you get a tax in the next two weeks,

we'll give you 160 quip back. Oh, okay. So I had to do that before. That's what I was on the phone for for for for ages. and then I had to find a place that would emot here today. Because once the clamp comes off, you've got 24 hours to get it into a garage or on private land or they just put the clamp on.

You're like Jack Bauer. That's what I was thinking. Who's that? 24. The guy from 24. Kiefer Sovolent. Yeah, that really exciting series of 24 where you had to get his car,

moatued and taxed. You've got a towed as well up there. You've got a flat tire. So I had to arrange for the clamp to come off, the toe to take it to a garage and the garage to accept it today. and that's many moving parts it's the rattling bog

I am gobsmacked that this isn't on Facebook like marketplace yeah but it's also like sort of we're in here until about one half one today and then I've got to get it to the garage

by half two because I've got paddler three oh when you put paddle into it makes even harder you can't miss paddle can you no no Billy paddles mate he's not actually he wasn't available today brother john johnny batters though johnny bats didn't ask me to play

no it was already arranged before you said you wanted to ah we're in the paddler aren't we everyone it's good though the house is finished it's not barely is yeah but you're bored of talking about it join us are there today

putting a stud wall up if you know what I mean are he horny hanging me cowboy hats if you know what I mean what you got people hanging your cowboy hats I bought some brass hooks to create a feature wall I was like a

two words for prostitute you're like you're such a dovey head got brass hooks how many how many hats are you displaying eight and are they like rotating

or have you only got eight what yeah they're moving around the wall no I didn't know if it was like spinning that it's a feature wall I didn't know if it's like a museum exhibit you know like in a few months

that'll change to another eight hats there imagine there was eight of them right there you go two rows of four on the wall on the external wall of the attic room oh I know yeah

buy me cupboard it's gonna look beautiful where are you gonna hang all your paddles that's the next stage isn't it I've only got one paddle oh stupid a question shouldn't have asked it in Jack's car

for now yeah oh yeah you're gonna have to go and get that oh fucking helmet your day you're going to be wild after one o'clock it is where it is what if they tow the car with the paddle batting you can't play paddle

people will die paddle bat in Jack's car oh sorry yeah he's now got his car this is an insane amount of detail let's have a break and we will be back um car we've got a great

patron aren't we we have we've worked really hard over five years stability one of the best in the UK if not the best in my opinion it's the biggest in the UK one of the biggest in the world it's not maybe the best in the UK

it's the best in the UK I actually think it's the best value patron in the world From as little as three pounds a month, the back catalogue of hundreds of episodes, the exclusive that comes out every Wednesday. It's just the lads. And then we've got the patron specials.

You also get the early release of the public episode. The video comes out Saturday morning. You wait, you don't pay, you get it on Monday like a pub. I also think it's pound for pound the biggest in the world. I would say Patreon pay listener. Yeah, it is. We're the biggest on the planet for a reason. Compared to YouTube subs, we are the big.

Yeah, and people stay, don't they? Yeah. Also, if you want tickets to us, you have to be on a Patreon because they fly out. Having said that, there are tickets left for the arena. Yeah, apart from when we do arenas.

Not loads, though. It's going to sell out. And you should, I mean, payday's just being, go and use any spare bunch you've got, you know? Bonds and bears. We know you're not all bonded up. But some years have got. Also, there's some...

Bondi's buying a ticket. it right. He's buying the arena. He both all the VIP boxes before he went on sale down and hook them up. There's some arena exclusive merch coming on sale soon as well. It won't be on sale in the evening of this time. It'll be on sale beforehand

you will buy it online so keep your eyes peeled for some exclusive arena merch because you want to be... He's not even bringing people he's just using all the seats for all his cash. I'm just going to keep this next time. It's fire stuff. That'll die soon. annoyingly you think it's going to own it recently

and now today we've broken again what else can I do just got to ride it out you know it isn't bro this thing happened you like you're like you're happy you missed your first one back what question

no oh yeah sorry question If you want to send in a question, have a word pod at gmail.com. If you're a patron, you get the IP preference. Danny says, what's happening, lids? Question. After seeing the trailer for Is This Thing On, which is directed by Bradley Cooper, and based on John Bishop's star into comedy,

I wondered what Dan and Adams' movie about their start into comedy would look like and who they'd want to cast in the movie and have direct it. And that's from Danny. So I don't know tons about this. I just saw the trailer. is it Will Arquette Play in Nets? Will our Nets? Adam gave us the scoop on this.

Yeah, you were there in the O'Brien ago. Yeah, so when I was in New York in January, I'm still at the side of the stage one night and waiting to go on. I think I was like three or four comics down the bill, the comedy seller in New York. And the comp here goes on and goes, here's your first comic

and unlisted, very special guest. Here's Judd Apatow. Now, if you don't know that name, name, Judd Apatow has directed, produced, and written loads of your favorite comedy films, stepbrothers, 40-year-old virgin. Old school, I fucking love. That's Judapetow. And he started like everyone else in the industry does as a stand-up.

And he was warming up for, I believe he was hosting a, like, award show. And you know, they do a monologue at the start. He was getting ready for that. So he was like, hey, I've got to go and host this award show. Here's the jokes I'm going to do. I'm going to try them for you. And that happens quite a lot at the comedy clubs in New York and L.A. So he does this stuff.

And then at the end of his set, instead of getting the comp here back on, he goes, guys, I've actually got a really good friend with me here. Now, he's never done stand up before, but he wants to give it a go tonight. So would you please make some news for Alex Novak? And then Will Arnette walked on. So the room went ballistic. because Will Arnett's a very famous comedy actor. Again, if you don't know the name,

you'll know the face from a million things you've seen. And he goes on, and the room's like, oh my God, it's Will Arnett. That Judd Apatat was joking. He said Alex Novak, but it's Will Arnett. Like, that was the energy in the room. That was certainly my perception of it. And then he goes, so hey, guys, I'm here.

It's good to be here. I'm going through a divorce at the moment, and I just wanted to give this a go. So I went, oh my God, Will Arnette's getting divorced and has decided to give stand-up a go, mad. Just like John Bishop, that, really. So then I look at the back of the room and Bradley Cooper's there watching the show and making notes, obviously.

So I'm like, right, what's going on here? There's no cameras up. No, because that that you've described is the trailer that I've just seen. absolutely so what they were doing was just getting so as it turned out at the end of the set he went over to bradley cooper bradley's like showing him his notes and stuff and i was like the fuck you listen to bradley cooper's advice on stand-up a lot of fucking shit stupid thing this is so then i'll go and sit at the because that was at the village underground which is round the corner from the main comedy celebrate it's the biggest room and after that i went around and sat

in the olive bar above the main comedy seller. Is that their dressing room, basically? It's a bar, but there's no dressing room. So if you go into the olive tree on McDougal Street in New York, it's above the comedy seller, but anyone who's going to be performing at any of the comedy sellers that night are sat in the corner. So you can just walk into the olive tree

and fucking Chris Rock and Chappelle are just sat in the corner having a drink waiting to go on. It's so weird. It's such a weird setup, but it's iconic as well. So Bradley Cooper's then sat in the corner. corner. Amy Schumer's there as well, and Madonna. This isn't a dream, by the way.

Madonna ended up doing a set that night and she did half an hour instead of ten minutes. It was fucking insane. So, we're sat around for a bit and they're like, oh yeah, they're doing a film. Like Bradley Cooper's directing a film, Will Arnett's playing a stand-up in it. And I was like, oh, right, cool. So that was that night. The next night I go back and I sit

at the main table and Liz, who's the manager of the comedy cellar. She comes to us and she's like, yeah, they, like, it come up. How fucking mental the night before was, that Madonna was on stage and Bradley Cooper sat in the corner and everyone else is fucking there.

And she goes, yeah, well, Bradley's doing, she went, you know John Bishop. And I was like, yeah. She goes, isn't he from the same, like, town you're from? And I was like, yeah, yeah. And I go, yeah, well, his sort of starting standoff, he's give that to Bradley Cooper to make a film. And, yeah, so it's not being

made, like he's a British guy, it's being made as if he's American. Oh, the frog and bucket have missed out on so much good publicists to hear, because that was where John did his very first gig, in it? Apparently he got to the door and they were like, oh, it's like a fiver, unless you're an act. What do you mean? He was like, well,

if you're on stage, it's free. And he was like, cool, I'll go on stage then. You're like, alright? So sick. It's so cool. It's a bit tight, that. Worked out where? Tighter. But yeah, so I was there for that. And now it's all sort of ready to go.

I'm going to watch it. What's it called? I'm intrigued. Is this thing on? I've not seen anything about it. Should I measure? The trailer that I saw is the very, the very first gig.

So there's loads more to the film, obviously, but... Maybe it's one for film club. Maybe. Sick, like it? But to answer the question, I'd say probably Denzel Washington. is he producing so weird

he's playing me so weird I thought I had to mention his dad no oh no it's dad's Kevin Webster oh

it's a bad by the jennselle Washington plays mick row so you're going new Harry Potter series you know you just

that's really smart why is he a medicine ah yeah there's I'm black oh there you have you ever thought about this

Like, who'd play you and year, Moby? It'd be a weird film, wouldn't it? It'd be a weird film where the start of it looks normal and then there's 18, 19 years of circuit drudgery and then I'm like, oh, to start a podcast. But that's a good thing, isn't it? It's like this star who's like, you know, he's unearthed. You've been amazing now ever knows you're amazing.

Oh, cheers, Carl. I didn't expect that little pep talk, yeah. I think, obviously, because I started so young, it'd have to be someone, at least you can play young. Yeah, Denzel's a real. reach in it yeah Timothy Charlemere yeah

yeah Bob Dylan and Adam Row the big two I'm Willie Wonka I'm Willie Wonka yeah and his guy in June Paula Trades

yeah yeah where was your first one envy yeah he's in interstellar as well I haven't seen it it's mad

no one knows he's in interstellar and he's in it quite a bit but he's in Homeland as well is he do you know the

you know Brody's daughter yeah you know she starts like shagging the president's son oh shit yeah vice president's son spoilers who kills someone

in the car I think Homeland Series 1 might be the best pound for band series of any it never made yeah I do love I've watched

him on about five or six times I love cock yummy yummy yummy yummy is he a kid in interstellar he's like a child that was that was Homeland by the way he's like 16 in he

right and then he grows up to be Casey Affleck, which is great casting. That is great casting, to be fair. Timothy, we've talked about this. Timothy Jalemi has like the kind of like filmography where, you know, when a footballer has a perfect Wikipedia little entry. It's because the Caprio spoke to him when he was young, didn't he?

He said, do not do superhero films. He said that all cost, stay away from them. And Decapio didn't work, then it looked clearly working for Timmy as well. Bob Dylan's a superhero to many. I think he meant literally. or superheroes. That'd be a shit Avenger, wouldn't it?

If 78-year-old Bob Dylan turned up next to four. He's going to seem you on. His power and his ball and everyone's dead. Jack's getting into the Avengers. Oh, no.

Are you into it? It's not a bad thing. It stinks of poo. He's a kid, Carl. He's not... He's not... He's not a fucking tase. No, you're a fucking idiot.

Wolf of Wolfe, you little shit. Once up on a time in Hollywood. No, I... Of all the things... Things you get made to watch at least we're moving into something that adults can... Is it Spider-Man as well?

I knew he loved Spider-Man. Yeah, he's not. I don't know if he's... I've not seen it whipped out. Men in black, he's been... Oh, shit. Not the porn. Men in black men? Yeah, no, not that one.

The traditional, actual Hollywood. Do you, like, the Will Smith good one? Yeah. Are you telling him that Will Smith's a gimp? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that he doesn't like... By the way, don't be too... He's a gimp now.

Just to let you know. Did you see the thing with his crowd? Yeah, the AI stuff. And if you look at it, it looks... I don't know if it's in your head because they've said it, but it does look AI, don't it? No, it is.

People have got like six hands and stuff. Six hands. It's my obvious. Will Smith played Scarborough the other week. In a film? Yeah, the first days of his whirl tour was in Scarborough. And in the AI crowd,

the sign saying I had cancer and you got me through it, which means he programmed that. Love you, Will. Thanks for getting me through my AIDS. Oh, so it was... Because I saw it was... How'd you get through AIDS?

What does Will Smith help you through AIDS? That's how you know what I? I've still got it. That's good, though. Cheers, Will. Oh, I thought... I just saw it rumoured. They didn't see it confirmed.

Oh, yeah, it's bad. Watch it again. Like, there's a kid's head. Like, bends and everything. What's he doing? He's having a very public midlife crisis mental. or break down.

I watch Fresh Prince of Bel Air on the plane coming home because, like, when they got TV. I was like, oh, that's cool. Such a fucking good show. Have you not seen the round table he does with other actors

where he talks about getting cheated on? Like when he was like 16. I think he's buzzing off of him, Samuel L. Jackson. They all just laugh at it. Have you not seen it? Is this before he had the slapping Chris Rock breakdown? Long before he.

Right. So everyone's known he's a gimp really. Yeah, yeah. Right. He's very obviously, like, he's very well media trained and he's a really good actor. But like, in person,

like if you go back and watch interviews now you can tell he's a fucking loser his kids. His kids at all 20 years ago he's one of the five biggest names One of the coolest as well He's one of the biggest stars in the world To us but I think everyone else

Like so there's this round table With loads of other actors Oh yeah I think you've told us about it And they're like He goes Samuel Jackson is like laughing at him He goes I got a cheated on When I was like 16

And I was like oh I'm going to get you back and I decided the way I was going to get her back and make sure that never happened to me again was become the biggest actor in the world. A great impression. Samuel Jackson is crying, laughing at him. It's a fairly good, Will Smith, I don't know.

I think it's inspiring. It was a bit Forrest Gump at the start, but I didn't want to black it up too much. It's not like the guy in the bar in Texas. I want to be the biggest actor in Dutch. Oh, my God. Japanese. Real Smith.

Rill Smith. Real Smith. Real. It'd be real. Chill. What W-I-R-R? How'd you make that noise? Where?

Where? Where? Well, Smith. I think it's inspiring, though, because, like, I felt like a gimp sometimes, and it shows that you can. Even if you are a gimp, you can become the best gimp in the world. And you take the hat off before you say, though. No, because, because then it's like being at my dad's. He's wearing the act.

He doesn't get the benefits in the house. It's like a protest thing. To be fair, if you walk into my house I'd take the ass off. You sure you dance just need that ass. He's just like to be fast. Take that fucking hat off. You ate hats.

No, we ain't that hat. We're going to do some have a word. If anyone actually goes to see Will Smith, could you write in and tell us what it's like? I would like to go. I'm not going to say. I saw those people. like Daz on on Facebook that I knew from like years ago that we're going.

Who's Daz? Daz. I'd like to go in a, like a holy shit, what's this way? But the tickets are so expensive. Is there anyone else you'd like to go and hate watch? Not, it's not hate with Will Smith. It's sort of like, I just want to see the car. It's like a car crash watch.

Got any glitter? Peter Fowler. I know, but yeah, but walk and roll number two or whatever is. Rammer, made the joke of what it was. Have you seen a Katie Price and Kerry Cotoner are doing a headline tour? Yeah, that's exactly what I'm talking about. They did Panto last year in Warrington

and I really wanted to go to that. Ed looks massive. God, you go to some shit. Edd's fucking... Have you seen Eamon Holmes talking about Kerry Cotoners eyes? Yeah. No?

Yeah. So she does like an interview via Skype on this morning. And I think to talk about like cosmetic surgery and stuff, I think... He's not on this morning anymore. He's on like G. G.B. News or whatever.

Yeah, G.B. News, that's what it is. And she's like, yeah, you know, I've had a bit of work done it as well. Like, I think that's what the talk about. But the main thing is he goes, and you're happy with your eyes? You don't look too oriental, do you? Right? Oriental's racist, no, isn't it?

So this is the thing. I don't think G.B. News can. And I'd wait before you go out of it, because you're going to aim and open yourself, okay? So he goes, you don't look too oriental, do you? No, you're happy with them? All right, sound. And then the next bit of the clip, he goes, right? I've got to fucking apologize, apparently.

because apparently you can't say Oriental but I don't know how I'm supposed to describe Kerry Casona's eyes if I can't say Oriental what I'm meant to say someone from an Asian country then you can't and you know and then is like Co-ancho goes I think Kerry Cotoner looks great

and then he goes yeah and if you don't look great sorry for offending you as well what's say when Holmes last just fucking mind Oh he's been on the slide I've been the audience Prime.

He was his three years. Roof left. He's in a wheelchair and he's on G.B. I've been busy editing his Wikipedia. I'd go and see him in Holmes life. I was busy editing his Wikipedia. Yeah. Maybe I've caused this.

He's gone. Casey Price and Kerry Cotoner are doing a joint headline tour anyway. They're doing the arena. Singing? No. Just sat talking. Sucking dick.

Yeah. I love the idea of you walking around Tokyo going, look at all these fucking Kerry Cotonas. Are you trying to get rid of all this built-up shit? Yeah. from being away. They're talking about what it's like

to be reality TV stars and what it's like to live life on the edge. All the things we can't say on TV come and see us in the arena. That would be fun to go

and Kelly Cotoner a musician though. Yeah, she's an atomic kid. Kenricotona famously walked into the auditions for the Tom of Kitten and said, I can't sing but look at these and gave her the fellow pictures

of a tits. And then she got in. She wasn't an it girl? She was a page three model, won't she? She was a... Same thing. That's famous and being famous.

She's a musician as well, though, Didn't she... Did she say your vision? Katie Price. Yeah, with Peter Andre. They're doing Ellesmereport Civic Hall on 9-11. And that will be... How else she celebrated?

Nairliff. You want to just be full of Al-Qaeda though? On, like, their annual night's house. What do we do for this celebration? Can we go down with that? Ellesmereport, Al-Qaeda, still going strong. What day is that? This is where Al-Qaeda will hide the widow.

Is anybody busy next Thursday? Because that would be great. I think I might be able to do. Bring in the new 9-11 with them. Ring in the new... 10 and the 9. 1.2. I'm in London at the comedy store.

Shit house. I am quite worried about being in London on 9-11. Why? Because I... It's the safest... It's the safest day, isn't it? They've done that. No.

What? You want two birthdays, don't you? Al-Qaeda never strike twice. No, the year after, on 9-11, flights were insanely cheap as long. I'm not doing that. We're going to do this again. No, but like...

No, not on the same day. I'm not a terrorist, but if I was, I would want to do it to mark that day, wouldn't you? No, I'd want new days? 7-7. That was a new one, won't it? Yeah, I wouldn't want to be in London on that either. You're attempting face, aren't you?

I'm going to be in the middle of London on 9-11. Yeah, but it turns out Ellsmeer Port is the safest place to be. that's where they all live. And also, to be fair, in London, it's 119. Yeah. So you save. Where were your last 9-11?

What? It sounded like an accusation, that, didn't it? Where were you on 9-11? When you say last 9-11? As in... Do you mean... The last time, it was the 11th. I think he was a 9-year-old in Dovkut.

I'm... Dukkut. That's in Yorkshire. It was in Dubkid. And we'll look at my pictures from... Tickets are only 20 quid. I thought they'd be more than that. September 11th last...

Kerry Tone. I was in... in California. Last year, that does feel pretty safe. I was taking pictures of me cat. Good. Lovely. Shall you do some other words?

Yeah. Lamar says what's happening, Lids. Have a word with... If there's any justice, we'll solve this. 50-50. What's happening, Lids? Have a word with my missus. No worries.

She's just come back from holiday in Disney, in Orlando. And our last day in her family had an eight-out. What's happening, lids? What songs does seal sink? What's happening, lids? Have a word with my missus.

She's just gone back from holiday in Disney and Orlando. On our last day, her and her family had an eight hours of walking around Epcot sort of day before going to the airport and getting straight on their flight back to the UK. On the flight, she took her shoes off and apparently stank up the whole cabin for ages. Have a word with her for committing this heinous crime.

Cheers, Lids. Have a good one. Yeah, I love taking me shoes off on public transport, but you can't have stinky webs. You can't adopt their stinking tours. What public transport? Buses? Trains. Planes, planes, trains and automobiles?

Bicycles. You take it? No, not on the bus. No, not on the bus. We don't get that. On a coach. Sorry. If I was on like the mega bus to London.

Yeah, be off. The red art. I've got some questions. but trains your shoes off on a train a long train more than two hours yeah that's all I've got to have been over an hour I think you ought to be off the ground floating yeah like you ought to be in a plane

to take your shoes off you go on all the cinema you want me do it on a train that's nonsense you are off the ground in a train not really more so than the cinema yeah the cinema is ground depends if you're on the top road to be fair nah I'm a shoes off than me But also, if I took my shoes off and I smelt my feet

and I was like, oh, I'd put them back on. My shoes off right now. If I can get my shoes off, I am. Shoes are meant to be off. Yeah, we get that you've spent time in Japan, but what, there must be a level of smell you've got to be self-aware off. If I took my shoes off on a plane

and I could, I'd be like, I'll probably put them off. Because if you can smell your own thing, everyone can't. It's one of them, in it? Yeah, pheromones. Yeah, if you can smell your own bad, but if you don't take them off. In case women try and fuck you.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you can't have stinky feet. And if you do, you'd have to put them away. Yeah. If you can smell and put them away. That's with anything. I've a look at your sock game a bit.

Isn't it? They've been walking around that cut all day. Right. I think it's, isn't it you? Yeah, I suppose so. But sometimes the wrong socks get. Nice. Like takes fresh socks.

All use the socks provided. All right, next one. Ross says, lads, have a fucking word with these cunts that are printing out their boarding passes at the airport. I was stuck behind a fellow the other day who had his whole family's passes printed out on one folded up

A3 piece of paper. This is that scarlet bullshit. Look like he was doing origami in the gate and they wouldn't scan as the daft bastard had folded over all the barcodes. It took us ages to get through. Have a word.

Have a word and tell these people to just have it on their phone. normal methods of society. That means you went to the library to printers off. No one's got an A3 printer domestically. Yeah, but you could print it off at work, couldn't you?

Does anyone own a printer? Yeah, no one has printers anymore. Yeah, but if you printers... The person who went to printer that works, by the way, he's a billionaire. If you work at like an architect, you can print off A1. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, maybe he was an architect, yeah. Sorry? Are bad. I don't mind, just do you? As long as you not... Just be good at airports. Just be good at airports. I'm coming back from Lisbon.

I honestly could have left me misses in Lisbon. The only proper baggage we had was checking. You know, like the checked baggage. We had 23 kilograms each. No cabin ones. You get just like the underseat one that you get with easy jets. Feels lovely. We get to security and she goes,

I need to do me liquids. I went, what are you talking about? She was like, my liquids are in my handbag? I was like, what are you talking about? She's like, what's the big deal? I was like, you're old enough to me good at airports. We fly a lot. aren't you in your checking?

She's like, because it's just my regular handbag. I was like, we're flying home today. Why haven't you just got those liquids out and just put, are you going to use them on the plane? She's like, no. I was like, what is this? She was like, just like makeup and toothpaste and me perfume. I'm like, that is ballistic.

Yeah, that's mental. That's mental. Yeah. You go to airports. We all know it now. And they're getting even easier. Kids and pensioners, you sort of have to accept. No, pensioners, I think they get away.

were too much as it is. They're the oldest. They should know better. Everyone's just like, oh, she's old, she doesn't know anything. Yeah, she does. She knows everything,

and you know? She's been alive up to everything. Like, she probably survived the blitz. She might have forgotten. And that's all flying. Yeah. Yeah.

The airport now is like, you can leave your stuff in your bag. No, no. But as long as they've got the updated scanners. Lots. And then it's chilled out. Executive order.

Oh. Airports. Two cues. I know what I'm doing. I don't really know what I'm doing so if you're a bit of a spanner but people will use that they'll all go into the eye no I'm doing

if you use the wrong one if you use the wrong one if there's anything if you do anything wrong in that wrong one you fight cancelled Steve's getting his head blown off I was saying what's thing happened with Steve then because Steve would have dead

that's not as Steve's fault though you just keep on putting Lucas A's in his back I know but he's such a funny bit he started the EU we're going to start like next year travel's going to be so much harder because they're introducing

I think from October this year there's going to be 12 months where it passport control everyone's got to put the fingerprints in like we did at India that's going to run for a year and then after that they're going to introduce the esters

the esters yeah so you've got to apply for a three year travel visa to the EU and if that includes criminal records some people are going to go fucking ballistic well they voted for

I think airport Airlines need to stop saying you have to print your boarding pass as well because it makes old, it makes old people confused. It makes my wife confused. She's like, we've got to print it. I was like, Laura, I won't. I'm never going to print it anymore. It's a ridiculous system.

We'll have it on your phone. So I WhatsApp her, the passes for her phone, just in case I run out of battery. Like, my phone out of nowhere goes from 98% to 0% and turns off forever. It's bad. Have it back with an iPhone? No. Do you all you get to the gate?

Hold on. No. What? No, I thought you were saying your phone does that. No, my phone does that yeah and it goes really hot.

Yeah, but your phone's a piece of shit where you definitely need a new one. Mine's a new one. Mine's never done that. I'm saying the chances of that happening would be ridiculous. He was saying it was a relatable experience.

I was backing you up. Joe, if you check in online and get to the gate and go, I've lost me, born past, they just give you one.

Yeah. Yeah. They go, yeah. You don't, you wouldn't, it's so easy. It's so easy.

What do you mean if you check in? Say you check in online for a flight and then you go through security you don't have to go to the desk and you get to the gate where you're about to get on the plane you go, oh, velocity ball, they go, yeah, there's no one. They just print you on there. Hang on, so if you turn up, if you...

If you print one at home, get through... And you... You tap it to get through security and then you literally throw it in the bin. You can then get to the desk and go, A, I need a bold and pass. Because you've got your passport, they've got your name. You've got there, you can't get on the plane, mate. They just go, yeah, there's a new one printed off.

I just don't know who's printing out anymore, but why are they telling you to print it out? Because it's just making old people mental. It's the same for gigs and stuff. You see people with the paper tickets. You're like, what are you doing? Yeah. Save the buddy universe.

Alice says, Hi, boys. Have a word with my boyfriend, Matthew. We booked a hotel the other night, first night alone in ages, and had a really, had really passionate sex. Nice.

He pulled out to come on my face, and as he did... Passionate? He pulled out to come on my face, and as he did, he said, bash, like Big John off TikTok. He thought I'd find it funny,

but it really killed the mood of the whole night. Have a word. No. No. No. Fucking way. No, we are not having a word,

but you're an absolute hero of a boyfriend. Bah. He does, like, he goes, bah! He's got like a little... He just does memes when he comes. Oh, have you seen his foreign ones now? Hello.

Hello. La bas. Zabash. She's like Greek. Hello, Jackie. You look nice. Mm. I'm Friday night, don't know.

Um, that's a section, boys. Yeah. Starving me. Who's coming in? Bash. Joey Dardano. Oh, it's Joey Dadeo. Hey.

Let's see if he likes that. When we do that when he gets in. We'll try not to. Now it's time to talk about my absolute favorite sponsor. It's Saley. Now, I'm always doing world travel. You are? You're never here.

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15% off your first purchase in the app or at saly.com slash have a word. Using the code Have a word Have a word Then can I just say You did really good work there Thanks Dan Really proud of you

Saley Mm Welcome to part three Of this week's episode Ladies and gentlemen We're joined by Joey Dardano Sire

Shit Oh It's coming Can't Yes Don't You've dressed up for us Dan's dressed up for you

And I think we're in a good place. It's layering season for you. Welcome to your favorite season. It's the best season. It is the best season. You live in New York. This is the best season in New York, isn't it? This is when the dudes get to start dressing.

Yeah. There we go. You get to wear a Haudiana jacket? Yeah. Or a jillet. Did you still keep that jacket? Remember we're in that same store, corridor? You bought it?

The multi-color one? I nearly. Here's the thing. If it was slightly more interlayered in season, I'd have won it for you today. It would have meant so much. So me and Joey met at the stand. We were drinking at the stand, was it?

Yeah. So it was, and Mike Rice was in New York anyway, and we just had like a proper, like, sort of lock in after the shows and just got drunk as funny as fuck. In fact, you told me a story that day. I don't know whether you want to tell that story.

Wait, remind me it, because I know what you're referencing, but I want to remember the points. The husband and the wife and the proposition? Yeah. Oh, I'm going to butcher it. Didn't, like, you get asked to suck someone off or something? No, no, someone fully fondled me.

I remember someone fondled me when I was on stage. He got sexually assaulted. It was dead funny. Oh, shit. It was funny in the moment. And then I walked away and I was like, I think I've just been arrested. It was really bad. I think I've just been assaulted.

But I'm going to make this funny. Yeah. I told everyone at the table, all the guys laugh. And then one, one extra person came by. I forget. I think it was Marcello. Someone pulls up extra. We retell the story and they were like, horrified.

He's like... You were as faulted. You were assaulted. And like all the juice was taken out. Yeah. Initially, we were all like, this is so funny. And it took one person who didn't hear the original recounting of it to go, this is really bad.

And then we were like, oh, yeah, we've been like... Yeah, you're right. We've been howling laughing at this for a hour and hour. You guys were supposed to support me, not laugh. But the next day, I was in a corridor, which is a men's wear. store in Brooklyn, New York.

And you were propositioned, right? Yeah. Well, in the store, the guy said, yeah, he asked us, he asked if you could suck me off. That's nice. And I was like, do you know what? Already been sucked off a few times today. I'm all good.

But otherwise, I'm tired of it. Otherwise, it would have been a swift yes. I'm fine, but thank you, sir. And then he gave me $100 and left. Yeah. Oh, you didn't work there? No, he was a customer. It's not fucking wild.

It gave you money and then left. He gave me money for refusing to be sucked off by him. Anyway, yaddi, yadda. Me and Joey both like the same jacket. And they didn't have it in your size, did they? No. No, no, no. They had one.

Didn't they? They had it in medium. And I was still thinking about it because it was on sale, but it was still like $300. And I was like, I don't need another $300 jacket. My man puts it on. My girlfriend's there. She goes, you won't look as good as that. And she gave him $100.

Having left with more money, Anna, Justin. This keeps happening. She justified it by saying, giving him $100, saved the family $200 more. Hearing the words, the family in your New York Italian accent has just made all my dreams come true.

Is your heritage Italian? My dad's 100% Italian. My mom's 100% Cuban. Oh my god In America there's a lot of Latin and Italian mixing Of course It's a famous famous grouping

Is you eat good then at home How are you good man yeah Oh by the way That question seemed loaded This is Carl's first ever conversation With the human people What I mean is There's some good food

And my name's Carl Oh hell yeah man Carl There's just some good food in them in the heritage, isn't there? Surely you must have that. Yeah, dude. I eat good. If I'm where on my family too much, I get fat. Yeah. Yeah, but that's what

mum wants, isn't it? That's my idea that the... Oh, your mum's Cuban. Mom's Cuban. She just makes... It's fat. Not all moms want fat and the son up, in it. Why? Yeah, like, come on, eat. You have needably skinned bones. No, but I think all, like, mothers also want

grandchildren one day, and they don't want some fat, unfuckable son, didn't he? It's nice around the dinner table. Great chat. Joe, at your home. I want grandkids. Lighten up the dinner. Are you from New York, New York? That was his Cuban impression, by the way.

Oh, yeah, that was, was that my mom? That was Cuban. Listen, someone said New York. And if I do. Oh, Joe, we came from the Motherland. It's going to sound like, we came on a boat 90 minutes to Key West. Oh.

Oh, hang on. You, it's Miami. Yeah. Oh, shit. It's not New York at all. No, my family. mental if she had that accident. No!

I'm from Cuba over here. Much better than the island. The more you talk, it still sounds like it could be either one of us. I was meant to go to Cuba and then a hurricane blew the airport away. Man, what the fuck? And that isn't like a child story, like the big

bad wolf. I was meant to go to Cuba, a hurricane hit, and then the airport didn't exist. I was meant to go as well and then the missile crisis happened. Yeah. I was in Guantan. Panama, I got there. You just know what that is, do you? You just know them where it's come together.

Was it that they had too many or not enough? It was, yeah. It's not like the potato. Too many missiles. No, they could only eat missiles. That's the Irish potato problem. Love the idea of a crisis being, what are we going to do with all these missiles?

Should we shoot him? God, I hope someone steps to us aggressively. That's why Black Puddin was invented, the Cuban missile crisis. you could one money missiles all day no I was meant to go and then Hurricane Ida maybe I remember that

Kio Koko was going to go to and they blew the airport away no the airport's not there anymore they still be building so no one's going to Cuba flying in and out not into this smaller airport it wasn't like a major bun but uh so you were flying internationally from Heathrow to a small It was a change, like, in mainland, I think. What trip was this? The trip to Cuba.

Jesus Christ. Is that difficult? Have you been to Cuba? No, the airport blew away. No, so why didn't you just go to Havana? Because we had the resort book there, and then they went, the airports blew away, and half the hotel doesn't exist anymore.

You can't come here. Say anything else? We went to Costa Rica instead. You could have just gone to another part of Cuba? No? No, we wanted to stay in this specific part. We went to Costa Rica instead, and it was lovely. It is also how my brain works.

I think if a hurricane is just this one part of Cuba, I'd probably avoid all of Cuba for a bit. That's a good call. They were in trouble, but I'd love to go back. It looks like a gaff. Yeah. I love the idea of being, have you been to Cuba? No, and I want to.

I want to go with my mom, because she is from there, because she moved when she was four, but she'll make me feel bad if I go without her. Because she said she wants to go. No. Oh, wow. Wow. No.

But we've face-timed with one of her cousins who lit. She's from a town called Guinea. And, uh, yeah, it's a lot of loaded city name for me. Fucking hilarious. From a town named Guinea. She went to marry a guineas. Um, and like, Papa's a new Guinea?

That's the best thing I've ever said in 15 years. Yes. Run! Rob! Call it. Can we edit out the part where I fuck his name up and then double down?

So what happens is when someone says your name wrong, I think the bad thing to do they is not correct them because then you both look stupid. Yeah. That's fine. All right.

So he says your name wrong and you don't correct them and everyone's going, Carl's forgot his name. No, I think it's rude to not correct someone when they get your name wrong. Yeah.

But people think it's, oh shit, you got me, you know what I mean? I wasn't being rude, I just wanted to make sure I don't know, sometimes I just fancy having a new name for a bit It's fun, you could be a whole different guy I just didn't want Colin You could have been Colin who's been to Cuba

You could have been a store of Colin Cuban Cup Cuban Colin Do the voice So my My Londret man The fellow who washes me undies Laundre He uh, my name there is

Aiden Aiden that it's Aiden because I this really such a confuse me as well because I went in

and was like yeah and they're like name and I went Adam you know like it's the

it's the easiest name it's the first name it's the first ever name and she's she's written it in as A-D-A-N

so she had she got told Adam and heard Adam but now every time I go in they go what's your phone number for the order

and I put it in they go is it Aiden and I go no it's still Adam and they go So you do correct them. What? That's right.

Because one day someone's going to go, Adam, and they're going to go, oh, we feel stupid now. Why? Because they've been getting your name wrong for so long. You haven't fucked them. Okay. I didn't want to fuck Joe.

I just think. Guys, don't fight in front of me. But funnily, when I went to New York and I went to Starbucks, when I said, Carl, they put Cole. They put C-O-L on the cup. Yeah, I don't think that's his fault.

When I said Carl, yeah. Because in America, you're Carl. Carl. Yeah, you roll the R. Carl. Every Carl, I know, I hit that R. Yeah, Rour. It's the only name I hit the R.

I say it with a hard, eh. Carl. Karn. Yeah, so here, my name is Carl. Cool. Yeah. But you can call me whatever you want, Joey. That's cool.

Hell yeah. Hey, I love you. Thank you. The idea of Cuba, like, it does live in me. I had like, just those big, in my head, every car's like, and everyone's smoking cigars. Yeah, everyone's smoking cigars.

Everyone's constantly drinking peanut caledas. Every car's like the length of a fucking street and they've all got fucking mad hydrologs on them. I love cars like that, man. I think it's so cool. You're gonna love Cuba, bro. They're just pushing, putting shit together from all these,

all the different fucking cars that have come in. It's, that is because, you know, they've been told they can't have new cars. It isn't because they love that car. Yeah, but that, retro's in, so now tubers the place to be.

Yeah, but they've been driving piece of shit cars since 1957. Yeah, but that like now... It's worked out. It's worked out now. It's like investing in Bitcoin.

Yeah, really. No, but they have to piece together cars. Like, the idea of you've got of like the stretch Cadillacs and stuff. Yeah. It's now just like

Frankenstein cars because they have got any... Yeah, but isn't that sick? Everything's one of a kind. It's all vintage. That's what people are after. Well, it's one of a kind because it's all different

down to like the little knobs and the bolts. Yeah, but that, isn't that, wouldn't you rather have that? Would you rather have that or a brand new Skoda? It's fun to look at. I'm not going to, I'm scared to drive a car like that. Why? It's all just put together.

Someone built it in their garage. I want it built in a, in a warehouse. Why? I trust the warehouse. No, how it works, but it does work. And if it doesn't work, you've just got a nice little fucking chair, haven't you? To sit outside? To take to the drive-thru.

When it comes out of a warehouse, it goes through a three-point inspection. It goes through everything. Do you work for the warehouse? I'm lobbying for warehouses. This is why I came in the podcast today. Guys, we need more warehouses around the world. That's just Havana, isn't it? Yeah.

I'm not going the other bits. It's going on the main bit. No one comes to the UK and goes, oh, let's try Preston. No offense. Taken. No, but you don't even go to Preston? That's true.

That's a shit trip for an American, isn't it? To you, as an American, one of the main bits of the UK, like, what? So, like, for us, like, New York, like, you know, California. Pretty much kind of ends right there. Edinburgh. You got to do Edinburgh, bro. That's where I saw it, Oasis. I saw them in Edinburgh.

Which, which night? The last night. Tuesday. Yeah, yeah, I was there, yeah. You were there? Yeah. So you heard him talk his shit to the city council? Yeah.

They won't let me throw me morocas, you know? Please do you, Liam Gallagher. They won't let me throw my tambourines. Three billion quid to this fucking city. He did say that. He didn't do that voice. Three billion quid. Liam Gallagher.

So what about like... Three million. What about like the Lake District? Huh? The Lake District. Is that... What the hell are you talking about? What are you talking about, man?

The lake district. Hey, Joey, I bet you can piece it together what it is, though. What's it on? The Lake District. So it's an area in the up that's got beautiful. It's an area in the up. It's a national park that is, you know, it's known for a bunch of lakes. It's almost, it's actually famously got only one lake.

They're all mayors. Oh, God, my pussy just dried up, car. That was a real call in fact. I don't have to bear to shut on me there, isn't it? Like, Colin. It's probably our most beautiful area of the country. Really? People, people, well, I would go, but I heard it's just a bunch of mirrors and not lakes.

And I'm into lakes, man. The thing is, though, it's not the most beautiful area of the country, is it? It's nice and that. It's one of the better bit. Like, North Wales is nicer, I think. Who's flying over from America? Let's go to North Wales. Those people?

Yeah? Where are the North Wales? By the way, do you know, the lakes are apparently full of East Asians? Go on have a look Get the flag up What do you mean? So I went for a walk in North Wales last weekend Someone was telling me they recently went to the lakes

And there was just loads of Southeast Asians Everywhere And they didn't have a problem with it It was just suddenly noticed They usually have a problem if they're bringing it up Oh, we walk here, you know, because of all the Asians No, he didn't say that He was like, I went to the lakes to the other weekend

You know what? Like loads of Chinese and Japanese and Koreans So that's what's done with their And he went South East Asia, it's in China Is he all right? Yes, it is What?

I thought it's no What? It's Southeast Asia It's in China I thought that was like Malaysia and Indonesia Oh come on I'm right there, aren't I?

Okay, Colin What have you done? If you could just say Orientals Yeah, you're right You're right But it's boring Colin

Sorry, I bring I got me geographical. Oh, so they mentioned, because in my head you were talking about, like, Indians, but you're talking about Chinese people? That's South Asians. Oh, my God, you too. That's Southern Asians.

So you're talking about Chinese people? No. Et al. So there's lots of Chinese. You know what I'm saying, you know what you mean now. I mean, what he meant was, it's all gone to shit.

No, they weren't saying. Oh, it sounds. Like, they were, though. So, our friend from Japan is traveling to the UK this week, and we're, oh, I'm not going, I'm going to karaoke. Sereka's taking other lakes. She's like that. That's the second favorite thing.

Yeah, she'd like that. But they love the Lake District. Like, it's like, well, that's why I asked. Because in Asia, the lakes is, like, the place to be when they come to UK. But it's London and America. Huh. It's all, I've never heard about it before in my entire fucking life. Oh, that's mental.

Yeah. Yeah. North Wales is worth a visit as well. Clang Golan. I'm there a couple of weeks ago. Nice and white. Lots of East Asians. No, there was actually on the stairs.

What stairs? There's stairs up to you. There was, there was. Have they put stairs on, Snowden? What? No, it was it? We didn't do Snowden. We did a big hill in.

Lange Golan. We've paved paradise as well, then. Where did you do? Clang Gollum. Oh. Oh. No. How do you say it?

Langelland. That's what I said. Do you think you could say that, Joey? What's that say that again? Langellon. Hell yeah, man. Hey, I love you. There's lots of pretty places.

The cities are good. Liverpool's a good city. You won't be here very long today because you've got to go back to London. Have you got a show tonight? No, tonight I'm just seeing Evita. What's Avita? Oh, with Rachel Zegler?

Yeah, yeah. Argentinean woman. Doing shows again tomorrow and Thursday. there. Oh, sick. And that's it. Who are you in the UK with? I'm doing Stamptown. Like, I did Stamptown at a, at the fringe. Oh, no, I just meant like, who are you traveling with? Are you just solo? No, well, I'm here with the whole group of people. Oh, okay. Sick. Um, the last weekend, I was alone and I, and I did a gig yesterday where I did my show. And now it's just doing spots and then Stamptown on Thursday at that new Soho Theater,

Walshamstow. I think I said that wrong. Yeah, it's fucking miles out of town. Apparently it's really good, A huge apparently took a thousand seats So Stamptown was your fringe show Stamptown, it's my buddy Zach's friend show Zach Zucker And Johnny Woolley they made it a long time ago But I kind of glommed on to it About like two something years ago

And it's a fucking blast And because of Stamptown I'd come to places like Fringe in London Is it comedy or is it a musical? What do we? It's a variety show So I like people are doing characters They're doing burlesque

They're doing clown bits He's hosting in character And there's one guy who does all three. It's a Bill S. clown. Doing impressions. The final clown. It's an awesome show, dude.

And I was initially on it, like, I was just doing, like, a set on every single one going crazy. Now, like, I'm playing around with I doing characters and stuff. It's super dope. What are your characters? One of them was a guy in the audience

who thought the show was too loud, and I start heckling the show and I have headphones on, and I'm holding a fake baby, but the baby doesn't have headphones on. and I'm like, can you lower the sound? You're about to blow my hearing. And he goes, why is that important?

And I go, well, if I can't hear, I can't teach my child how to hear. Because you have to teach your kid how to use all five of their senses. I've been thinking about this recently. Isn't it mad that dogs just know how to walk? Yeah, and sharks. Dude, giraffes too.

Giraffes just fall down from the top. They land in the floor. Like, fucking, all right, then. And you just get up. Sharks are bowling. Yeah. Doesn't that, like, annoy you to be? That way are useless.

I thought about, because my older brother had a baby. When babies pop out, they're fucking useless. We're so long. All they know is poo and cry. It's why the phrase I was born ready is just so redundant. Babies are born ready for fucking nothing. They're born for nothing. They're born with the fear of falling and crying.

That's the only two things you've got straight away. And every other animal in the animal kingdom fall from great heights. Yeah. You know, horses are, little babba horses, calves. Carves, they're straight up, aren't they? They're literally walking within seconds of being born. It takes us years.

They do anything. But then we get better than everything. So maybe there's something in there. Take your time. Horses should lie down. Maybe if horses just come out and have to lie down for a bit, maybe if elephants just, because apparently elephant's got the best memory,

maybe if they just sit down for a couple of years. Heard it on a great time. You're going to go memory in the 8-9? But it is apparently, in it? Because no one's asked an elephant. It is just apparently. That's true. I think that with everything.

People are like, oh, it's been, like, well, we put an apple in this room and an orange in that room, and then we show it an orange and it goes in the right room. So we know it's got a great memory, and we do that. And with this elephant, we've done it 70 years apart. They still know where the orange was. Well, another 50-50 chance anyway. Was that an experiment that you just made up in your head?

Yeah. That was the apple not. I was, but I was listening. I was dialed in, man. I just don't, like, until the elephant can be like, hey, listen, I remember the blitz or whatever. Like, even if he doesn't there. The second shout out for the blitz out of nowhere.

Like, until they can actually, like, oh, animal science is, is provable, is it? No. None. What? Animal science is provable. No, but, I mean, like you're saying, like elephants have got a good memory.

Dogs, like, it's all just, it's guesswork, in it? No, they're doing science. No, I agree. what you're saying, because sometimes I'll be on the internet and they'll be like a meme that's like when dogs are dreaming, they're dreaming of playing with their owners. I'm like, you didn't

fucking ask the dog. A literal experiment where it's like a memory thing. They can't. No, because that might be a dog with good memory. Even then you try it with different dog, control dogs. But also, is it remembering? Or is it just getting like really good luck?

What's up on? I don't know. Do you might have a lucky dog? Yeah? It could just be a really, like, well... Maybe elephants are just dead lucky. They've got no memory. Maybe elephants have got, you know, telekinesis with the Lord. Okay, we're getting into mind games now.

We've only given them the memory. We've not told... We've not gone. They've got telekinesis. God's just whispering in his big fucking elephant ears. Hey, it's in the left one. I love the idea of not bought it, not being bought in and the idea of, like, knowing what they dream about,

but being like, they have telekinesis. So bullshit. Well, you know. Also, for the second time's day, it's telepathy. That was in the lobby, though. Are you anything involved? What's telekinesis then? Move and stuff with your mind.

Telepathy is when else I couldn't, like, communicate with your mind. Oh, my God, you love correcting people. Oh, man. That's like, that's like Carl's fucking thing, man. You like, sit there and fucking, you're calling it up, dude. What the hell? Don't we have this conversation earlier, Joey? we didn't

no we did no you weren't that corrected him fucking again every two seconds no but no but it's yes and man have fun with your friends Carl's being away for the month he's got a lot of pent yeah that's podcasting facts you can't do facts

would your girlfriend no wife because why I know she calls me a no at all good save there by the way with the all wife bit now now we have to like him because he's a wife guy you can't be a no at all

women, they don't like her. Yeah. They'd rather you be wrong than be right and tell them. Yeah, it's the mansplaining thing, isn't it? Yeah. Every, every explaining when your man can so easily teeter into mansplaining. Actually, this train doesn't go there. She'd rather me get on the wrong train.

Than mansplained. Have you tested that? Have you ever, like, been at the train station? You're wrong about which train to get on. She goes, no, it's this one. And you go, all right? You're right. You know she's wrong, but you get on the train.

No, I did that. it going the opposite direction. I did it in a train station last week. She went into this exit and I went, and I knew it wasn't. So, but I went to the wrong exit and went, I knew that was wrong. Did you do that as well?

Yeah, because you did the told you so, which is even worse than the correction. She looked at me and I went, I did actually know it was a wrong one. And she went, why the fuck didn't you say anything? Because I said if you did. Because he didn't tell her so. He let her get it wrong.

No, which is what they want. He did. The told you so. He went, I knew you were wrong. That is told you. You can. You can't do you told you so if you didn't tell them in the first place. I actually just did the face as well.

I just went. And she went, well, I went, I knew it was the other. Are you scared of the show? You played it all wrong, man. You can't roll your eyes back and say, I knew you were wrong, but I wanted you to figure it out for yourself. It wasn't an eyeball. It wasn't an eye roll, Joey.

It was an eye roll. I just tested it once because, yeah, she doesn't like when anyone would know at all. I can't do that. I think this is why. You've done very well. You've got a missus. You've been together for fucking 17 decades.

And you keep going on the wrong holidays. That's why you know so much. You're fucking 170 years old. Oh, shit. Okay. Now I'm all bought in. And you've managed to keep her happy because you've figured this stuff out

and you're willing to play them at their own game. I can't do that. So like on the way to Portugal. Like on this occasion, she was right. She was right. So my. Yeah, it's done it.

No, so here's what happened. My missus went, we've got to get in the lift and go up to departures. It's being moved, Terminal 1 in Manchester. And I was like, as it? You sure? And she was like, yeah, yeah. And I went, okay.

And then I checked the sign. And she goes, why don't you just trust me? I know where I'm going. To Manchester, I'm from Manchester. Why don't you just trust me? And I went, because I'll never, ever, ever just take your word at face value when it comes to a sense of direction. Because yours is very, very, very, very, very, very.

regularly wrong the amount of times we've come out of a shop to go back to the hotel we're staying in and you go, it's this way and the hotel is literally looking at us over the road on the left so I'm not listening to you So you need to take that monologue out

Quite simple Just don't say all of that I've already done it now She's got fucking moody for a bit But like that is her fault Yeah she's not yeah she's not I'm not doing it I'm not going the wrong way

because you're confident again because you've forgotten how often you're fucking wrong with this. Yeah, I don't like when they make it a trust thing. You don't trust me. You're like, no, no, no. I think you're smart in a lot of other areas. You're very bad at knowing where to go.

Yeah. That's not a trust thing. That's a learned habit. I could never go the wrong exit because I didn't want the argument. It was literally like, the station's insane. It's like 40 exits.

And if you walk out one, you've just got to do a little bit of a walk. And I was like, every time I've gone it's B2 and she's gone it's not and then it was always B2 and I was like I'm right again so I just went out the wrong one I was like she's like okay but I was like I'm still a dickhead damn dude you hate your your fucking girlfriend wife sorry man sorry man get it right I hate my wife what I've learned throughout this podcast is that I don't care to be right about anything about you.

And I apologize. I'm an enigma. A what? I guess you guys can say that here. That's crazy. Don't roll they off. How long have you lived in New York? Transition of the century.

Please put that noise in the trailer. What I really want to talk about is, wow. Wilden Out? Because you're on MTV's Wilden Out. Oh, yeah. We just aired two new episodes yesterday. I was on boat. We waited two, I filmed those like two years ago. For the people watching or listening who don't know what it is, what is Wilden Out? It's, uh, it's run by Nick Cannon. He made it like 20 years ago. They've gone for a long time. It's 20 years. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I started saying that before you said 20 years. 20 years. And, um, it's,

Like, it's an improv show. It's, uh, we're playing a bunch of like improv games on TV. Rappers and, uh, actors and musicians are all, like, there's always like one special guest, sometimes two. Old school, new, new school, they like, pin it against each other so that there's like a competition aspect to it. But it's really just, you just win bragging rights for the episode, you know? Uh, I'm team new school, because I'm new, joined season 21.

The best gig I've ever had in my life. The best gig I've ever had in my life. Because I've spent my whole life freestyle rapping. parties and so it was awesome to get paid for it. Well, welcome to the party Joey. Yeah, dude. And feel free to do a freestyle rap right now. He's freestyle rock. Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah, I'm out here

bawling with my boy Colin and he's got a wife fucking fuck you. MTV, you're going to need to look at your fucking hide and post us. I get a call right now. They burn my contract in the office.

They're like, oh, you could have brought us to the UK. You fucking blew it. Have you ever battled? Or you just, like, you just freestyle. No, my buddy Frack does that. My buddy Frack, who's on the show with me, Frack, the person. He's a battle rep. That's his name, Frack the person. Frack the person.

That is kind of good, though. I like, it's a great name. Yeah. Because you're like, frack the what? He's a person. Oh, fucking sick. Nice. Would you battle?

No. Like, swords. I'm not offering a fight. I'm just saying, if you're going to rap, would you ever go into the battle rap world? I just, the thing is, I'm not like a. I'm not a roaster. Like, I don't like the talking shit aspect, mainly because I think it's too easy to get my ass.

So, like, anything I say to you, you're like, you're short, you're maybe gay. And I'm like, ah, ah, ah. Get off of it. I think that's why I don't like rap battles, you know. Because you're short and gay. Maybe gay. Details, Carl.

You're big into your rap, though. I like hip-hop What's your favorite verse Wrap the whole thing Do you see I don't have musical autism That people That people love whipping out

You do It's just the prince of Egypt Your favorite verse When you hear Watch out for my medallions My diamonds are reckless It feels like a midget is hanging from my necklace

God it just sounds So uncool when you do it Ludicrous That is a good one like you got any any other ones you just went what's your favorite line

and I did one and everyone's like what I just wasn't expecting the hard M I just know what I mean that you hit him with a hard this guy's dropping the end you're dropping the M bomb

what's going on I'd prefer I know which bomb I'd rather drop I didn't drop the M bomb by the way just saying yeah you did

they're gonna hey where's the camera they're gonna cut it in post but he dropped it he dropped it It dropped it Oppenheimer style in the middle of them.

I love the idea that we'd cut the end bomb, but not that. You're not bothered about hip-hop massively, but you love rap battles. What do you mean? I'm not bothered about hip-hop massively? You're not a hip-hop fan at all. Compared to the other music of your love, it's way down on the list. Well, country's number one, and hip-hop's a very close second. Yeah.

When's the hip-hop days starting? What? When me and Carl put him on? I thought Carl and Dan were going to do that. Who's your favorite rapper? rapper. M&M. M&M, beautiful. And that checks out. M&M.

Ely Kanye. Okay, awesome. How early? How early? 93. Really? Yeah, he was 12. Like 2022, 23. Oh, yeah, yeah. He's got well better stuff if you keep going back.

Ah, no, it's like it's all in black and white. Um, I like Jay-Z. Jay-Z's great. The Wutan clan. He likes run the MC. What's your favourite Wu-Tang song? I mean, there's just so many. Yeah, that's the thing.

I think the best of Wooten is your favourite album. Volume 2. Oh, yeah, yeah. That first one was the obvious ones. N-W-A. Love it. What's their full name? Enigmas with Ashton.

Um, yeah, no, I do like rap. Yeah, I do, I do. No, you know, you're trying to defend this. You don't have fun. You're not that bothered, but you're not that bothered about it. You've never been bothered. You like them and M as a Ute. But now, then you moved away from it, and that's fine.

No, that's not necessarily true. I like Kenny. Kenny who? Kendrick Lamar Rogers. You're on, you're on a nickname basis with Kendrick Lamar. For your favorite rap album, you said the blanket statement volume due. and now you're such good friends with Kendrick that you call him Kenny?

Yeah, I love that Super Bowl halftime show. He's a triag. What's your, what's your favorite Kendrick album? Yeah. Kenny album. Oh, now you're talking. The gambler. There's just so many to choose from. That's a grammar, by the way.

Better than any Kendrick song. God, that Super Bowl half-time was fucking brilliant fun, won't it? That was so good. Isn't it rumoured to be? Miss Swift next year? Yeah, I've heard the wombas.

I mean, that'll be one of the biggest ever, surely. Sure. Michael Jackson's the biggest ever, isn't it? Because he just stood there for three minutes

and didn't speak. Did they ever see them? That's so awesome. They ran into commercials, I think. Because they, they, when he does a certain move, they'll start the music.

And he was like, I'm just going to test it and just stood there and didn't move an inch. It was like, everybody is playing on my fucking, it's one of the coolest things you'll ever say.

Apparently there was a, like the producer and start, start, move. So cool. Wasn't that really what he did, yeah? Yeah. Yeah. It was like, the whole world is waiting on me to do this thing.

I'm just going to stand here and take it in. It's incorrect. He was a paedophile. He's Eric Canton. He's Eric Cantonar in it. Yeah. But for three minutes. I think the half times have been loads better since they sort of,

I think Jay-Z's been involved. Like, is it, what's his company? Is it Rockefeller? Yeah. I think Maroon 5. Like curating it. Like, fuck. Like, that was the low point.

And then they went, we'll make this more fun and then more urban acts were involved. Yeah, yeah. Because the best one I saw was in L.A. Yeah. I like the urban ones. In black, did it. The one with, the one with Drey and Snoop.

Oh, that one was awesome. Oh, when Dries, he was on him. Oh, and Eminem, Eminem was on it. He was hit in. And Kenny. And Kenny was on. And he got together. Adam, Adam, Adam. Adam. Adam. Adam.

Adam! Adam! Adam! Adam! Adam! What? Eminemmer's time! You're number one! Who could play it now? Who's in the world who hasn't played it? Luke Combs? No, he probably could. Coming from a hip-hop fan, that's massive, isn't it? Zach Brian?

Another, you know? They both could do it. Morgan Warren could do it. Is that their audience, though? I know it's America, but like... No, it couldn't be more their audience here. No, but I mean, like, that's just... You said they've abandoned up a bit with an happy bit of a left hand. I know, but that's fine.

They just went, they, it's not always going to be the R&B and hip-hop acts. And also, Kendrick Lamar went down pretty weirdly with a lot of America. Yeah. Like, I saw loads of reaction videos where,

like, the mums were watching it going, I don't know what's going on. And we all had a great time where he did, where he looked down the camera at Drake. I mean, dude, it's,

it's really funny how much there's like, DEI arguments in America. and then Kendrick does his halftime show, there were so many, like, tweets and shit of people being like, not one white person. So there's not one white person in the halftime show? You can't squeeze one of them in.

What the hell? They're willing to burn the fucking NFL to the ground because they didn't let one white person in the halftime show. That's like what so many people were pissed off about. Well, that's why they're going to Taylor Swift this year, because she is the whitest woman in the time they lived. Yeah.

We're going to go so wet. You're going to regret it. The pop galies a big one. Like all, like, Sprina Carpenter and Chopin'Rone. That'd be good on like a little medley. They're not big enough.

Not big enough. Not like a medley of all the pop galies right now. Surely they are. No. You got to have history. You got to have a catalogue. Yeah, you've got to be pretty big on you. That's true.

Yeah, you do need a bit of a catalogue. What's your name? A chaparone only got one. No, but I mean, if you put it in with the other pop galis who were smashing it now. Yeah, but then, then, their egos are going to the way and they were kind of a super good we just call them bands now you don't got a girl come on man well it is there like billy eyeless she's he done her she could

do her no she definitely whispering half the time i don't think she's big enough no it's not the right vibe she's probably big enough it's just not the right there's like a there's just something well it's just look at someone and go in them yeah they can do it or no they can't in the middle of a football game you don't want someone to start singing songs or half the time they're singing I'm like, because that's all of her songs. I've done it. Who do you think I'd do it then?

No. I haven't done it. Who do you think artist-wise? Who would you like to see Doer? I'd like to see Drake do it. I would absolutely hate that. Why? Because he should get his repost,

right to reply. No, no, he shouldn't. Because he absolutely did all the things he's accused of. And you know what, man. I went to his Before the Kendrick thing even happened I paid 500 hard-earned U.S. dollars And I brought my girlfriend

To the concert he did in New York At Barclays he did eight concerts He did like two at each venue Like six, whatever happened He did a bunch And I went to one of them And it was, I was a big Drake fan That's why I spent the fucking money

To sit 500 for nosebleeds That was the worst fucking concert I've ever been to in my entire life He was dog shit He sucks and he owes me $500. And then the thing with Kendrick happened, and to Kendrick, I'm going, burn him to the fucking ground.

I saw Drake 14 years ago. Why was it so bad? My God, dude. He has no energy. He's got no charisma in person. He's barely fucking rap into the music. He's off, key, off rhythm, forgetting shit.

He's got no aura. The opposite of aura. The opposite of like star power. Star Power is not just fucking standing there, Michael Jackson's style and being like, you know, Michael Jackson was still about to do a fucking awesome show. My man's just standing there and then go touch kids. But Drake is just fucking standing there.

Who Drake or Michael Jackson? Both, man. They both did it. Maybe that's what Star Power is then. What do you think is more affected your view of Drake? Is it the fucking children accusation or is it the bad show that you paid for it? I genuinely think the concert. I turn to, honestly, man, if you only touch one kid,

he's made good music. But he's done it more than once. But the concert was genuinely so bad that I was like, I will never, ever pay money to go see him again, ever. I'll never buy an album, I'll never buy a piece of merch. Like, this guy gets no money from me. And also, all music he's come out with in the past, five or so, everything sucks.

Cock, it's bad. He only makes bad music. Have you got any of his old stuff still on your playlists? Take Care is a fucking phenomenal album. Nothing was the same as a great album. Views from the six. Those are two awesome albums.

Views is as a whole, a dog shit album. If you're reading this, it's too late. It's fun. Nice little experiment. He's, he's rapping on that. But now he's gone off, and he's got the stink of what's happened with Kendrick. on him.

Oh my God. Is he, I mean, Will Smith, we were talking about Will Smith before. No, Drake's still doing it. That's a whole level of like fringe. Drake's,

like headlining festivals and still selling out of arenas. He's all right. Because I, in my head I was like, Drake has history, man. People listened to him growing up. Yeah. If he,

if I was offered to go for free to a concert, I would, I would still go. He's a nostalgia out now, isn't he? He's not a, you're not going for the new stuff. You're going, hey.

Bro, that's the thing also. At his concert, half of the fucking songs he played was new shit. and you heard the room audibly be like, I don't care for this. And he did like 10 songs off the new album. That's what Oasis did well.

That's what Oasis did well. They knew what, that was a nostalgia show. A hundred percent. And they called it perfectly. There's a question. All right. Not that they would.

Could Oasis do it? Do what? The Super Bowl half-time show. Yeah. They think they could. It's weird, isn't it? Because I know what you mean by that. I don't know.

Could they? I think it's a bank. Would they in America, though? Because they've only got three. It's not about three songs in America, isn't it? That really did anything. You would get people on wonderful, Champagne Supernova. And I think Stand By Me did quite well.

I thought Don't Look Back in Anger more so, no. I didn't think that one charged that one. I think you get people going, who are they? Like, not who are they, but why are they doing this? Yeah, I think after this tour, they have enough interest in them again. They're doing stadiums across America. No, they're not doing many in America. They're not doing loads, are they?

Chicago, New York. They're not doing like a massive, they're, not doing the equivalent of what they're doing here over in the States. I thought it was like three shows. No, no, no, they're doing more than that. Oh, sorry, I thought it was just three. Two in LA, two in New York, two in Toronto, one in Chicago. And that's stadiums.

That's not a arena. And they're sold out. It's not still. It would be, I think there would be a bit of like a wire waisters doing them. That's three markets in the state. Yeah. It's not. What British Shacks have done it?

No. Coal play. Did they do? Yeah. And Sheehaning could do it. The who? Ed Sheenon can definitely do it. No, the Who's not doing stadiums.

They have a hard time selling MSG for $450 a ticket. Oh, shit. Just to be clear, Joey doesn't book the Super Bowl halftime show. Adele? But a lot of this. Could Adele do it? Adele is too sad.

That's quite muddles. Yeah, but it's too sad than it. It's quite muddust. Yeah, Adele for the, for the, Because I say fire in the middle of a football game. That would rock, actually. That would be awesome.

Yeah, you picked it one-up beats on it. Dude, I would tell the whole Super Bowl party to shut the fuck up and I'd be staring at the screen. I think Adele and Ed Shearing the biggest British acts, aren't he? Surely? You know that one time

Beyonce did it and then Brino Mars came out and then for some reason Chris Martin was there for 30 seconds? We should do that with Oasis and then Adele pops out for no reason and then Ed Sheeran comes out just to be there.

I love the combos where they just pull them out of. That was the worst one. The Beyonce, Chris Martin that felt like a... You could almost hear the meeting that had happened in a... Yeah, make it up in the aggregate. This would work really well. What was the one...

What was the one where it was Red Hot Chili Peppers and they just, like, added... Or did they add Red Hot Chili Peppers to someone? There was one where they, like, just threw in another random band. Like, for two songs. Yeah. And then fucking Rihanna a few years ago just did the whole thing. Red Hot Chili Peppers with Bruno Mars.

That's what it was? Yeah. Ooh. Rihanna... He joined them or they joined him? They joined him. No, yeah, Bruno Mars. was the feature.

Taylor Swift could do the whole thing. Yeah, she would be doing the whole thing. She'll be doing the whole thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Interesting. Anyways, I hope you guys enjoyed this deep dive into music as a whole and what would work.

It's amazing what we obsess on, just out of nowhere, like, yeah. Do you have a break? Yes. Do I'm a lonely night, I love you, baby. Trust in me when I was hey. Hey, hey. I love you, baby.

Wow. I'm so sad, Joey's not here for the karaoke play. Because I think it's going to go off. What would you sing, Joey? Oh, my God. What would I say? Don't bring me down. I pray, oh, pretty, baby.

We got someone doing the levels on the, on the mic. Yeah, it's fine. It's fine. It's put the beer on table. What's that? You can have the bottle flip. Oh! Yes, yes, yes, yes.

I really want to go drinking with Joe. Joey, that easy? Oh, that's so close. I just want to say as well. He tried one in his first section, and he missed it, but no one saw it. I saw it. You can put the beer on the table, it's fine.

You can have your beer on the table. It's okay. We don't care. Are they going to throw us a bunch of fucking money? Maybe. Hey, this ain't just... Let's do some executive orders. Executive orders.

I want to, okay. Oh, Joey, Dadano. Joey Tatano. If you're a president of the world, Joey, what would you force through? Playing loud music on the train. Any train, punishable by death. Death. It shows an immense level of selfishness and main character syndrome and narcissism.

Headphones exist. Headphones exist and they're cheap. They're not inaccessible. Should I be allowed? Okay, so I'll give you the music one. Should I be allowed to have a conversation on loud, speaker on the phone, on the train? No, that's in the same fucking family.

But can I talk to you if you're on the train with me? Yeah. So why is that different? I don't disagree. I don't think the last week of one's that. As long as it's here. But what's the, if you've got a phone, take it off loudspeaker and just put it in your ear here.

Because a lot of phones, the speaker's breaking. You have to use a lot of. No, no, can I ask you a question? Can I ask you a question about the whole fucking speaker? Speaker is for, oh, you get a phone call. I'm cooking. I'll put it right here on speaker. Yeah, I'm just making a stew.

That's what speakers for For when you're home and you're alone Or you're in the train and you're alone And you have to have it here So you're at home alone And someone calls you and you're not putting that on speaker And just holding it Well I do if I'm home

Yeah But I'm telling you the nature of speakers For like if you're doing an activity And you can't hold the thing I use speaker for 95% of my phone calls Yeah But not in public I don't want to do that

I want to do this In public? I don't I wouldn't walk around doing it But on a train, that's the end of the way. I think the music one definitely is. It's totally unnecessary, though. There's people sat next year, and there is an option to just make it quieter.

So if we're on a train together, then we're having a conversation, should I have to whisper in your ear? I mean, you have to... Don't scream. Don't scream. Don't yell. Don't be loud.

Don't shout. You can't tell Adam Roe any of these things, mate. I also... It's really hypocritical. Joey, Don't tell him he not a shout! It's very... funny to have someone be loud and me being like,

and you're quiet, no! I think it's great. Apparently, TFL are pushing it through for trains in London. Rich? Good. It's fines if you're using like listening to music. No, they say that. It's not delayed, lad. I hope it's not delayed.

Aren't you on the train? Yeah? I was it delayed. What you mean? We're just sat there. Are you waiting for it to go? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I really appreciate the whisper. Colin! Hang on. So, Is there a level of music you can play? Or is it like, what have your ringtone goes off?

You can play it as loud as you want in your headphones. No, no, no, TFL. What if your ringtone goes off? And you take a minute to get it. Yeah. What if you ringtone go? What if cold player playing in your pot? You're like, I can't get it.

Well, fine. What if your ringtone goes off? And like, it's a banger. And everyone on the train goes, no, let it go. Let it go. Okay. That would be such a beautiful community moment. I think TFL are going to have to put some caveats into their finds here.

No bangers. To be honest, I was going to find, but everyone's dancing. It's caused a real community moment. What's TFL? What's TFL? The fucking law. Transcope for London. It's like the FBI.

The fucking law. Yeah, get the TFL involved. Dan Nightingale. TFI. I think it's a good one. I think it makes sense. It's just. It's good, right?

That's a pretty common one, that in it. Pretty universally accepted. Like, yeah. Can I throw one in that someone wrote into us, and it's genius? This is from Chris. Am I allowed?

Am I even allowed to say no? Do you want to say no? Yeah, I don't want you to do this. I don't think you really mean no. No, I'm the, no, it's, you know, you, you asked me, you can I throw it in, I'm the guest, no. Joe, Joey, can you keep your voice down? Cheers me. Oh, this is from, this is from Chris.

This is from Chris. All gravestones must include cause of death. No real reason for this, just a morbid curiosity of mine. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that.

I think it goes. I think it's class. I love reading gravestone. God, that's going to suck when it says, like, chopped on a bone at a restaurant. And right above that, they have, like, the presidential seal of approval.

Like, they, like, were an important person. Cock have a lot. That sucks. You'd be more careful, wouldn't you? Where? I'm scared it all down. I feel like, someone's got to do a mum joke at some point. If I die now, if I die now,

yeah, my gravesome's going to look stupid. You'd be more careful. would live longer. But also, like, sometimes, like, when I go to my mum's grave to, like, tend to it, and the next, the one next it's a bit scruffy and stuff. Yeah. That, like, I, like, feel, if it looks like it hasn't

had anyone there for a while, I feel the need to tidy it up of it, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. But, like, if it said on it, eh, died bumming kids on fire. Wasn't that, see? Like, whoa. A couple of questions. Who's on fire?

The kids are getting bummed, or are you on fire and you're still bumming kids? Because that's committed, Peter, The kids are on fire. He was bumming the kids, and he caught fire and died in the fire. Is he bombing him after they're already on fire? Bomming. Bomming. Abol sex. Oh.

Yeah. Just like, if the person's next year, it's like, you're like, oh, no wonder. No one's tenants to your grave. You were a fucking flame rapist. Can I say, Mike, the whole time I've been, the whole time I've been in the UK, why, you guys have so many different phrases for when someone fucks kids or does stuff in the butt. What, what, what's called? They can be the same thing, by the way.

Have you never heard of bumming? No. Have you really never heard of that? Never heard of bumming. So what would you say? Huh? What would you say? Doing it in the butt.

Doing it in the butt. That's too long. In the ass. Yeah, that's too long. Like, bumming. Bum in. Bumming. That sounds like two dudes smashing their butts together.

Bumming. It does sound like that to be fair to. Yeah. It does. Also, I thought as a kid. As a kid. As a kid, I thought he used to run at each other, jump backwards then. That's awesome.

That was being gay. Like, team rock. That was being gay. What if you saw, like, you were like, oh, there's two guys, we'd say bumming in the alley. What would you say? Bumming? Oh, they're like lying down on the floor. They're sleeping on the ground.

No, they're literally fuck each other in the ass. There's two guys lying down. Your mind's dirty as shit, man. Clean it up. Would you say, oh, there's two dudes. But fucking. Or fucking. Yeah.

But also, I've come to terms of it. I'm very crass. I'm very vulgar. I think, I cuss a lot. lot. I want to stop. I was on stage other day, and I was like, I think I've been up here for four minutes and I said, fuck and shit, maybe like 20 times each, but I sound so cool.

You do really well at hot water. Yeah. You were warming up for your freestyle, right? I'd be like, fuck, shit, fuck. By the way, as an American, I've got another executive order. Go. Double-decker buses everywhere. They're so fun. They're awesome. You look cute, too.

You're a cute, Joey. I like them. And can I tell you something? If I'm already on the bus and someone leaves the front seat that's on the second floor, I run up. And I go get it.

And I look over everybody. Have you seen that you can see the top of the driver's head? No. Did you know this? What? If you're on the front of a double deck... A little mirror thing.

There's a little mirror, which means you can see the driver. By the way, it's actually for the exact opposite purpose. It's so that the driver can look up and see who's on the top deck. But it's like a periscope. It's a periscope.

It's a little bull. old spot checker. But it looks like, when I was like, you can just show you can say things to him and that you can talk to him. And the driving, I mean,

tries to catch him in the minute so you can see the top of his own head. I also think, everyone thinks the back of the bus is the best bit, but I think Joey's absolutely right. On the double deck of the front of the bus, the front.

The older you get, the front of the bus is the place. The front is awesome. Can I tell you something? There was one day in Edinburgh, I got furious, furious, furious because I was the first person at this bus stop.

Waiting, waiting, waiting. I'd been there for like fucking 15 minutes. it was really delayed and then that people started forming and when the bus stopped it stopped in front of

where all the other people stood not where I stood the original guy and then everybody in front of me started going they saw me creeping up people were making space and then it came to a point

where there was an elderly woman she ends up trying to get in front of me I go gotta let her pass gotta let her pass the bitch took the front fucking seat in the second floor it was open the whole time

no one fucking took it She went upstairs. She went fast as shit. She was playing it up before she got in the bus. Once she scanned, she goes, fucking gotcha.

And then goes all the way up. Respect. Like, cues don't count and tell the things there. I guess, man, but there's a fucking,

you know, there's an unspoken. I was there, man. So you said you like to cuss. How do you pronounce twat? Twat. Okay. And thanks for this moment,

man. That meant a lot to me. Because I know the Americans like to say, And that winds us up. Yeah, it's twat. Does it wind us up? Yeah, it sounds stupid.

He's sort of doing it. Yeah, you are kind of doing. What's the bad thing I'm doing? Are we saying I'm doing a bad thing? So it's twat. Again, with this fucking correcting, man, nonstop. And you brought this up. We made the language, brother.

We were just, we were just having fun. And then you just like, oh, I thought of something to correct them about. How do you say twat? You haven't even done it? I hadn't even said it. I know what he probably does wrong. And they were just like, oh, what's the thing I could make this young guy feel fucking shit about? How he says a word?

It was fucking right, wasn't I? Right for you, man. You're right for you. And can I tell you something? Just guy to guy? I'm glad you had this moment for yourself. Thank you. Because it really sounds like you fucking needed it.

We're getting Colin merch out. Tim Preston says there should be at least a few adult-only screenings of animated films when they get released. I love Disney Pixar, but don't want to deal with a load of small children running around in cinema. I agree with this, but it sounds like that dude wants to jerk off during Pixar movies. He didn't say, I can't trust myself around those sexy, sexy burning children. We gotta do adults only. My girlfriend's

trying to jerk me during inside out too. That isn't in the trailer. I quit, by the way. I respect this, yeah. I actually, I like that. I like, hey, I like that a lot. Do you go, do you go the, would you go and watch of Pixar, Disney came out

because for me, I've got kids, so I'm like, this will be on at my house fucking 40 times in the first month. The cinema's the cinema, isn't it? Yeah, I went to watch, the last one I did was if, I don't know if you watched that. Yeah, the purple, imaginary. I went to watch that on my own.

Ryan Reynolds. But there was just sort of kids there, I felt a bit weird. Because they were sex. It does suck, right? I went to go, in London the other day, I went to go see the play. It's based off that movie, My Neighbor Totero.

You guys know that? Yeah, but that's a kid's play. It's play, isn't it? Well, the movie, the movie is actually, like, it's, I know it's a fucking animated movie, but it's, you know, very much about, like, grief and loss. There's, like, themes for older people to, to glom on to. Yeah, I'm gone, no. But there is also the biggest cuddly bear that lives in a tree and a cat bus.

It's not a bear. It's not a bear. It's kind of its own thing. How about you experience whimsy, man? It was very cullen of you. Yeah. Oh, you're right. Did I just get out?

It does not feel good. You do this all the time? Yes. This doesn't feel good at all. I got out Ghibli, and I didn't enjoy it. I think there should be adults, everything. So, like, adult-only hotels and adult... I think there should be places where there's no kids.

Can you imagine for everything? How sick it would be? Restaurants. If once a month... Play centre. The wacky warehouse... Yeah? Was just a no-kidst thing, and we could all just go.

What's the wacky warehouse? Oh, Joey. A soft play. You would say soft play. They have Charlie Chalks, don't they, in America? You guys are all saying shit I've never heard before. A play centre for kids. soft play cool that that was nice and clear chucky cheese not a ball pit chucky cheese chucky cheese

it's called the wacky warehouse that's what we call it yeah remember i was fighting for warehouses at the beginning of the podcast turns out you guys fucking love them here what a weird one for kids come on kids that's enough in the ball pit we got to do a three point check in the ball pit so but but i don't think it has to be one day a month i think we just have to have a night time staff and it's like right cool it closes at six o'clock for the kids all fuck off adults yeah kids don't have to play until 10 p.m. And then from 9 o'clock, it's fun zone for, and then they change around the fruit shoots and it's alcohol.

No, I think it's 25. That's what I mean, because 18, if you're in there with 18-year-olds, it's still going to feel weird. Yeah, 25 plus, you've got to be able to rent a van. I'll tell you something. That's how you get in. When I was, I was just in France the other day, and we went go-karting in the middle of the woods and, like, rural, rural, in the middle of, like, rural France.

And it was, we had three goes at it. and the first two times it was just me there was like no one theirs was just me and my buddies the third lap so many people pulled up and they were all young as shit and it ruined it because I was like well I'm not going to go fast and like make a kid crash out and like

spin and turn but every old person like everybody who's you know maybe 25 plus or whatever when I'm passing them oh I hope you flip over and die I'm going fast you watch out I paid good money I do that to the kids at go carton I think go cat and is an adult activity

that kids are lucky to be involved in. The Wacky Weirdhouse is a kid's activity that we want to get involved in. Go cartons, for me, if kids want to do it as well, they'll fucking live by the sword, die by the sword. Tune it to the camera.

Listen, kids. The idea of putting a helmet on your kid for the getting a go cart and you go, all right, I mean, you know what you're signing up for and your kid doesn't come back. Listen to me. Adam Rose here.

So fucking eyes, yeah. Fucking eyes up, pay attention. When you go on Aldi, like a beach holiday you're like oh I'm sorry I think you've not gone to many beach holidays have you recently it's all the city breaks

he went one with you what we all went yeah do you pick adult only hotels there isn't that many of them you know if I can yeah it's a stipulation for those that it has to be I don't want to get in the pool

because you eight kids you and said I can like oh everyone's kids should be shot and burned alive can I back call up though if I'm not with my kids I fully agree yeah now your kids

ruin my time My last fee charity was 10 at Eiff last year and I booked the adults only bit of the hotel. Yeah, because it's better. Yeah? That's not because I get kids

and want them to die. It's just because I don't want them. No, they're separate facts. When I'm being, having fun, I don't want your children shouting and ruining it.

We have got one final bit today. This podcast is called Have a Word. It was meant to be the whole podcast and now it's just the final 10%, Joey. So we've got to have a word from Anonymous. Lads, I've just found out that my new Mrs. Shag someone the night we met,

and it's doing my head in. We met on a night out, had a chat, had a dance, didn't kiss, but swapped numbers. Started chatting a few days later over text, and now we've been seeing each other two months. Turns out, at the end of the night we met, after I'd gone home, she met a lad and ended up going home with him. By the way, she told me this and doesn't think it's a big thing, but it's freaked me out and honestly taking the sheen off the relationship.

Can you either have a word with her or have a word with me for being sensitive and also, what should I do here, lads? You're not sensitive, but you are a pathetic Gimpu's not capable of closing. Yeah, I think he kind of comes off kind of like a huge bitch. It's the story.

Why she told him? It's like a flex, like a pal-me? No, it's not a flex, it's just, it's she's getting everything on the table. She's not hiding or something from him. He asked. Yeah? And maybe he asked, but even if she's gone,

oh, by the way, just so you know, the night we met this happened, maybe he didn't want to know, but she's just trying to cover herself from something coming out down the line. She's being honest about it. And let's be honest here. You met a girl on a night house

and got a number, and she was clearly game for the porken and you didn't close. Yeah, he went home. This is on you. He met her in a club and said, I'm going to play the long game. Yeah, you know, loser.

technically she's done nothing wrong but I do know why he feels freaked out I understand the issue because it also takes away the magic of like I met like I met this bird and you know she like she was awesome and hey we went

we went and had fun but I think we found love yeah I was fully gone and you stay together and your grandkids go none and granddad how did you meet all those many years ago

and we were like just saw her dancing and I saw her we set a date for three days later I fucked someone else bang that night Yeah, if she got, it's ruined the meat. It's ruined the meat.

It hasn't ruined it, don't you just have to get it has. Yeah, well, that's him. I think for you, it would. If I'm feeling sensitive about this. If I found out now. No, I know. But you've just got to put yourself in. If you found out now, how would you feel?

Madly. Yeah. It would hurt your feeling? Yeah. Is this Colin or Carl talking? Is this Colin or Carl? Carl wouldn't give a fuck. Colin would be like, um, actually.

Yeah, of course. You'd be like, ah. You wouldn't be like, I don't give a fuck. You would definitely care. Also, maybe what's happened, you know, only two months in, so maybe she doesn't feel like telling you this yet. Maybe she's just like,

I've just met the man I'm going to marry. I love him. I love a fair sight, but I just want to get bummed by someone else one more time first. Fucked in the room. I met the one quickly. Stick some dinks in me.

That's how it works. In the bar. That's how romance works, done it? I've met the person I'm going to spend the rest of my life with. Quickly, lad, gang bang the fuck out of me. That's not how a lover first sight work.

I think. I think that's a, no, I think that's a real thing. And that's a real feeling. Yeah. That's a real thing. I'm going to back you up on that. Yeah. You need someone?

You're like, oh, man. Doesn't that what a stag do is? And a hendoo? Like, one last moment by other people. Oh, my one was. Men had just been apart with the mates. You got bummed one last time before you got married? My wife went on a hendoo.

She went to a sex club. It was the one last. Yeah, yeah. She loves it. One last night of freedom. Right. Holy shit. This isn't a joke.

went to a sex club without you. Bukaki. Yeah, yeah. Holy fuck. It's the guy on the door. Do you wear, and you wear protection still, even though you're married?

Yeah, 11 years in. Damn, and we've had two kids. And you wipe down the toilet seat after she uses it every time? Oh, my God. I think this would do my edit. I don't think I'd ever...

Because you'd be like, that there's a little tarnish of that night. But she's still not really done anything wrong. No, she has nothing wrong. That doesn't mean you can't be upset about something. Hmm. Yeah, but it's his issue, is the thing. It's totally his issue.

He can't use it against her. He can't be angry on her, but he's allowed to be upset at the night. Oh, just say to a sound, no worries. I get one. I don't think he'd fucking close the deal. No, no, now they're dating. Yeah, they went together then.

Now he'd be doing something wrong. Yeah. Now they're not together, though. The two months in, maybe he'll be like, oh, I haven't asked she's been my girlfriend, yeah, I'm going to go and get someone else's number and then she can get wallop by someone else.

And after I've done that a few more times, then eventually someone will fuck me quickly. And then we can do this properly. I thought you started. One all. Like, no more goals. Yeah, no, this is on you, brother. Nah, my advice, kill yourself.

I really think Joey's got the vibe of this podcast, by the way. Great first appearance. Hell yeah. Where can we find you online, Joey? I'm at Joey Dardano. D-A-R-D-A-R-D-A. A-A-N-O, check me out. I know this, I'm not going to be back in the UK for a little bit, but God, look at the

videos, see when I am, look at the accounts, I'll be back, baby. I love it here. Sorry about that last week. You nearly did it as well. The whole episode cool and then, blah. Can you end it how you started it, please? Just give us a, like, you nailed it, the way you started it. But, but we've got a couple of things to do first.

Oh, go ahead. So, the 20th of December, we have the arena show on sale. Have a word, the second ever arena headline show. There are about 500 tickets left, something like this. That's crazy. And tickets are at have a word pod.com. Wayapod.com for all your tickets. I love how sure you are.

I know our website, for sure. Yeah, and also the 28th, Sunday, the 28th of December, we're doing the Ho-Yea Christmas Cabin. Hey? Come on listen. What? I haven't been, not about this. Country Day. 28th of December.

Christmas and country songs. In the gooch? In the gooch. Nope. It's going to be good, isn't it? Yeah. Oh. Quickly. Saturday 13th. Saturday the 13th of September. It's the Comedians Club Chester. I've got Danny Matt closing. Alfi Brown is on. I'm Compa and John Capewell in the middle. Tickets at Comptaints Clubchester.com. Come and hang out in Chester. I don't know. I don't know any tickets for the country day? I just have to Google it.

One more lot of tickets. My Manchester gig, which is the 9th of November. There's only about 500 tickets left. I know. I saw that. Really good. That's really gone. Yeah, so be quick with that. What's capacity, Finn? That doesn't mind. 40.

The song this week is by Kieran Geach. And this is... In the Geach. You guys have said in the gooch and in the geach. It's a bit of dance music because we ask for some different stuff. Is it? Dance tune. Yeah, this is...

Wait, can I say bye? I just want to say one thing. I love you guys. So this is Lucky by Kieran Geese. That was lovely. That's really nice. Bye, Felicia. I must be so lucky that you're dancing by the way with you

in the middle consciousness the story's ever true I must be so looking at the dancing night of way of you. In the night of consciousness, the stories I've heard of true. I must be so looking at a way to dance and ride away with you. Even not in consciousness the stories that I've heard of true I must be so looking getting to dance and ride away with you.

If I'm not a consciousness stories that I've heard true, I must be so lucky that you're dancing right away with you. to what I'm saying I've heard.