Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #347 with Rob Thomas - Have A Word w/Adam, Dan & Carl

Episode Date: September 28, 2025

Tickets for the ARENA SHOW, merch and loads more available on our website! https://haveawordpod.comTickets for Have A Word Live shows as well as Adam and Dan's tours and previews:Adam's Tickets: https://www.adamrowe.comDan's Tickets: https://dannightingale.comFinn's Manchester & London Tickets: https://bio.to/FinnlayKAs Adam and Dan said, don't miss out on all of our extra content, we've got one of the best value Patreons in the game. An extra 90+ minute episode every week plus loads of bonus content such as the now infamous Lockdown Lock-ins, the Nashville & Amsterdam specials and our Ghost Hunts! What are you waiting for? Sign up now at https://patreon.com/haveawordpod​Get subscribed to Have A Word Highlights: https://youtube.com/haveawordhighlightsThanks to this week's sponsor:Lovehoney | https://lovehoney.co/word_podcastLove how you love and take 20% off site wide to unlock sexual happiness and discover a happier you with promo code: AFF-WORD20ADAM ROWE and DAN NIGHTINGALE are two award winning comedians from Liverpool & Preston, respectively. They are two of the UK's most highly regarded stand-ups and have both performed all over the world. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Wagwaglids, you're listening to the funniest podcast in the game From the Heart of Liverpool with Adam, Dan, Sensei Carl and Finn This is the one and only have a word Brought to you by Monscape The Very Best Products on the Market for Below the Waste Gruner Go, Ed, get on me It's layering season Oh, it's been layering, it's been layering season

But it's cold today in it? Man's gonna fleece on? It's cool, isn't it? Didn't you wake up this morning and go, in your bedroom? See your breath, like the lines of nosley Safari bar. You could close your window? What?

Did you close your window? It didn't work, but I tried it. I went to my coat wardrobe for the first time this year. Oh, first time. Bumman? I went and bummed, yeah. No, I went to the wardrobe.

You couldn't say it in there, I couldn't say it. I went to the wardrobe with a coat that, and I haven't done that since. Where's that? You have a wardrobe for coats? Yeah, because. Because it's big in it.

Like I've got, in the back room. Oh, right, okay. You've got a changing room. I bought this in the last layering season, and it didn't quite fit me then because I was a chonky a boy. And I put on this morning, I was like,

it's very autumn. Last late layering season, you just mean autumn, winter. Yeah. The season you can wear layers in. Ah, right. It's like jacket and hoodie. Nice.

That's a good combo. Springs are layering season as well. It's just not summer. You're just de-layering. Yeah. Yeah. Chicken and peas and rice. That's what I was thinking.

You can do that now. I won't, but... Yeah, I love it. You look great. Thank you. Almost like you're from a different time. I'm from a different time. No, you're from...

Oh, that's not the time I was thinking about. Who is this futuristic man? It's just cool, though, in it? I just love a little patterned knitware. Is that not? people are like oh fuck it i'll just get all over him we've done it 97 times and he goes fuck off you know do you know what though so like you know the uh the outfit i wore was it on the patron episode where i had me floral me me park seen shorts on friday yeah like six i understand like having

looked at that i should have wore me plain green aim shorts and that outfit then would have i think would have been right i said i do think i went a little bit i went a little bit rogue just slightly I haven't looked back on it. I'm like, do you know what? It was a little strong now. But at the time, you told us all to fuck off. But now a few days. But it is the thing, no, right?

So there was quite a few comments on it going, the shorted a little bit too far. It's otherwise a class outfit. And I was like, yeah, do you know what? I actually agree now that I've looked at it. There was a couple of people who comments that was like, fucking hell, the cheek of you to talk about how anyone dresses

when you wear pants like that and that outfit. And then you look at them. And it's just some scruff. little fat cunt and you're just like why would I listen to you? Why don't want to look like you? You're smelly fucking biff.

That's what I always say. Great to interact with the fans, isn't it? That's what we're well known for. If you were in a Monterex trache and you're telling people how to dress then, you know, get all for you on. So there was a lad in a Monterexrachia

who was like very least late 30s, but if he's in his late 30s he's also fucked. I think he was like mid-40s, no sense. And he had a Monterex Trachian on. And I'm just like, you're a grown man.

Nothing wrong with Montmore. Oh, it's a very. Is there an age cutoff for the Monterex? We're wearing like an all black trackie like he was in the pub in his profile picture, selfie all black Monterex tracky and his mates there with like a nice little polo on.

I just think he looked like a knob. Dan, if you came into work in a full tracky, we go, are you all right? I'd be doing it for a bit. Exactly. Yeah. The like Nike two piece numbers, whatever they sell at JD Sports.

Those are flying though. Where they're like, they're like, it's, they match them on the stand so you can go, well, fucking out, these are the same. That's what I'd look like. Yeah. What's the cutoff for this? Because I might try it. You're past it.

No, I mean, 35? 35. It's not, it's not even your age. Do you know what I think it is? And this is like, this is probably a toxic, abhorrent thing to think. Oh, God. It's worse if you fat. Yeah.

Like, if you're a fat. fat 40 year old in a full black trache. It's like you're definitely not using that for what it's meant for. Black is worse than the coloured ones because I think the colour ones are a bit insane. Oh dear. Talking about track suits.

Track suits in within the context of the conversation hi. Hi. Depends on the trackie. All I'm saying is I know how to dress and you can all talk me cock. That's the bottom line. Track power. Dan, you visited the

the Spanish quarter of Highton yesterday, didn't you? So are we all dress? I don't think that's representative of Highton Lane is not representative with the people we're talking about. Just to segue into the next bit of the podcast. Yeah, and had a little visit. What a lovely bit of the world you live in, guys.

I mean, I have been there. Is that the first time you've been to my house? What have you been there for? I gigged there 20 odd years ago. It's when I called it the Bavarian Quarter. We also did Laura's gone there. miss, yeah. Oh shit, yeah, yeah.

A few times. It's very nice. It's funny. It's a village on a road. Next to a city. Yeah. It's a village of eight-minute drive to a city centre.

But obviously you're like, yeah, that's like all suburbs have that little bit. But it's almost the park and the way the roads work. It's sort of like caught in this lovely little bubble, isn't it? Yeah. And it punches well above its weight

in terms of like little shops, restaurants, bars. Yeah, got you. it reminds me of like the best bits of London it's just not full of cunts that's what I always think it is very London now where we live yeah it's not in killing it's Londony yeah it's a little quaint gaff

it's it was weird yesterday I know you Dan you're one of my best mates I own a business with you you know you didn't mean I've got your number I call you constantly I thought weird orders to do that almost you want to be best mates we own a business together I've got your number that I want to ring you you answer sometimes

You had a big part of my... You never answer the phone. No, you don't. You're a big part of my... And then I was cleaning the house because, you know, when someone's going around, it's acting like the president's going around. I had to clean the loft.

Did they have a one can you loft? He would have, because it was that clean. I thought, that night and girls come into my house today. Isn't that funny? What? Because you, like... Really?

That's gone. Really? A little echo from the past. What I thought was, old me would have been like, shit, that nighting gales come into me house. And then I thought, I had that feeling and obviously it didn't have the same effect.

Basically, if you ignore the last five years of us working together and becoming like really close mates and spending an inordinate amount of time in so many different places in the world, if you ignore that, it's the grown-up who used to play Baby Blue when you were 19. Yeah, it's like, oh shit, that nightingale's coming to most

and I thought, obviously, it didn't have the same, it didn't resonate the same, but it was a thought they had and it was like... Do you know what's really funny that I've just realized? You were our age then. I get it with Mick Ferry sometimes. Weird. You go to his and he's like,

that nightingale's coming to me house. I just, honestly, I clean up for Mick Ferry all the time. He never comes. I've never invited him. But I just clean up going, maybe McFerry or visit. Laura, get off the couch, you lazy bitch. Mick Ferry might arrive anytime soon.

I have it a couple of, because sometimes you're in the dressing room and it's Mick, who I've worked with for 20 years and whatnot. And we're on an equal par now as like, we're peers, aren't we? But occasionally, I'll go, it's Mick Ferry. Yeah. And like, Mick Ferry isn't super famous or anything,

but he was the man. Yeah. When I started out. You were the man when I started in the game? I, the first little nods, you know when you get the nod, and it happened with you when you were the laughing and you got an encore. You nearly got an encore, but I wouldn't let it happen. And because it's not all right for the guy who,

doing 10 minutes before a break before the headliner to get brought back up. But the crowd were like, do we want more? And I went back up and I went, give it to him, I have never seen a 10 minute open spot, nearly get an encore.

And if I'd have gone, do you want more? They'd have gone, yeah, but it wouldn't have been great for the night is the decision, and I made it in a split second, I was like, I think it's better to just give him his flowers.

Those little moments where someone goes, I've got them flowers. Yeah, again, I keep them. them everywhere. Maybe an open spot or get on, come. You're spending a lot of money on flowers?

I know. But I need to give them. Those little moments when someone gives you that fucking nod of like, class, don't really know you are. I know you knew,

but that's class. I had it with, Mick Ferry, went, this is early doors. I'm doing open spots of the frog in like 2003.

I've been around a few months. And Mick went, Steve Harris rang me. I had a bit about Lord of the Rings about Gollum and it was about something about like

Tolkien obviously had a dying grandma because you wouldn't unless you've seen a dying grandma you couldn't write the part of Gollum like should bring that back it sounds class

it's a great bit it flew and unsurprisingly there was no punchline it was just me doing a voice for a bit but it had made Steve Harris really laugh

and he'd been speaking to Mick on the phone and he'd gone oh that Dan's got a bit about and Mick went hey Steve very strong me, told me about that bit. And I was like,

am I a maid man? No, you've got to do another seven years. But those little moments where the guys you look up to, it's like being at school and it's like being in year seven and like a year 11 is sound to you

or remembers your name. You're like, yeah, yeah. What? I mean, what I'm saying, it wasn't like, I just had that thought like five years ago,

six years ago, me would have had. I was like, oh, damn, it's going to me else. Yeah, but five, six years, That would have been really weird, wouldn't it? Yeah, I wouldn't even have been in the country. Why is Dan and mum's off?

Why stand Rob at my house? You know why Dan's at your mum's house? To pick me up? After I fucked her. Oh, right. That's what I thought instantly. That was always giving him lifts. To shag nice old ladies.

She's not old. All she is. That's it, she. What's old to you? Your mum. Respectfully. She's 60? Yes, she's in the 60s.

Yeah, to me, 70's old. No, because my dad, I don't see my dad as old. How old is he? 62. He is, yeah. Yeah, really? In my head's old, he's old. Like, me, she can still walk and drive,

isn't her? I think, I'm old to you. So, what's the, yeah, you're old. I'm sorry to me talking about both of your parents, about death, right? But, like, this is an awful thing. If either of them died tomorrow,

it'd be young. Yeah, but it, but it, wouldn't be mad, would he? Yeah, it would be pretty mad. It would. Oh, it's not vigil. No, no, no, no, no. He plays squash.

And I still love her. She's 64. You go, wow, that's, that's no age. That's what you'd say. No, mine, I died at 65, and I felt like it was about time. Wow. Yeah. She, it's not even retirement's age, no.

Yeah, but she was a stunt woman. It just, we never talked about it. She's well past eight years. I think it was one of the, I think you were in Japan. We did a whole episode on. She knew the risks. Yeah, no, I think. 64, it's sad, but it's not mad.

When I'm 64, it won't be mad of a die. But that song is right, though. That song is literally, will you still love me when I'm an old cunt? That's basic. It was the first draft until Ed Sheehan got involved. Ed Sheehan. Yeah, but back then, 64 was an old cunt, wasn't it?

Everyone had like, like, small-box. I think what we're saying now is, 64 is an old cunt. Oh, not all. An old cunt. Not that one. Just all the other ones. We had a lovely day, didn't we, Dan? In the Spanish quarter of Laughlin.

Well reversed. Beautiful. And, uh, like, my daughter was on phenomenal form. In the morning, I think... I thought you were going to say drugs then. She was on cocaine. That's why she was into it. Come on, babe.

It's a Sunday. Shut up, Dad. In the car. Just because you can't don't do it anymore. Doesn't mean I can't. She was, uh, she was massively hormonal in the morning. And I, I knew it was coming. but oh my god in the morning she was in a bad mood and then she cried and there was no rhyme or reason for any of it

and i think laura and i did very well to not like go what the fuck is wrong with you but oh my we got we got a glimpse yeah a first how the next few years is gonna is gonna go because she's been a kid who's like there's always a reason for her being upset it feels like and maybe there is and we haven't got to the bottom of it but i to the point where i was like i don't know if we're going to the Spanish quarter of height in this afternoon because it was just men to be me and Etta. Anyway, she brightened up and she had the best time. When we sat in

Rudies waiting for you, she was like, she sat down and I was like, I knew she was like, where do you want me to sit? She was like, Serica's here. She's like arranged it because she, I can tell. Oh, she got a bit of that tism. There's a lot of tism going on in our house. We've started calling it

the tizfiz, when Laura's like like, there's so many things that and set her off. She's a horse. She's a horse. She's got a haughtism. No, that's a different tism. Hortism. Oh, that's a criticism.

I'll only you suck a dick in this way. What are you on with this way, yeah? There's only one way, isn't it? Barely. Oh. How many ways can you swing a cat? Skinner cat. Skinner cat.

Swing a cat. Just pause it. There's not many ways to suck a penis. There is. You fucking amateur. Is there? Or there's like slow, kissing, and then there's like, eh.

There's two straights away. Slow kissing. To me, if someone, I'd be like, you're not doing it yet. You got your autism? Yeah, but get out with it, will you? Oh, come on. There is a, there's a like, a kissy kiss,

penis. And then there's an absolute, yeah, there's a co-problem. Yeah, there's a bog trotter who fucking gets in there. And then there's face fucking as well. I forgot about face fucking. Sorry, there's three. at least three ways to face fuck and then there's the taint

you know when they go down south yeah I suppose yeah there's many ways to suck a dick I don't think licking your gochers count to count to the suck in your car it's blow job adjacent I mean it's not part of the chain thing yeah it is no if someone only licked your gooch you didn't get a blow job

sorry if a girl said to me hey when we get back I'm gonna lick your taint and nowhere else I'd we be very worried about her but she hasn't given you a blow job no she's got everything out you're massively aroused. You're like, I work in this area.

This is my five centimetres, big gooch, like. Five seconds. Hang on. That wasn't five centimeters, though. A taint? What's that? About five centimeters? I think I've got a five centimeter taint.

You want to measure mine? I don't want to see what it takes to measure it. I was just going to use one of the toys and then, like, draw the line on it. So, obviously, there's many, many ways. And in a very separate conversation, I don't have had a lovely time with you. We're going to need more of a buffer in there. We're going to need screeches.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. No, no. She hero worships your wife. You can tell that she's like, this is what I want to be. She's good with girls because she's like, you know, I was one.

Etta? No, Seneca. She's like. Yeah, that's why I'm crap with girls. I don't understand you. What? Is Sereka trans now? What?

You said she was a girl? Oh, no, me, she was a little girl. Oh. As in, like, Seneca knows how to play the Disney princess of... I just thought I'd miss some major news there. I thought you cut a pussy off. I'd have like, geez. Cut it off?

I'd let you know. Isn't that just a bigger pussy? Oh. What? What? What? It is a... Why is that worse?

Like, if I said a, uh, a former man who's now a woman had cut his cock off, you wouldn't wince. But cutting the pussy off is a problem. Yeah, because they doesn't feel like there's anything to cut off. They just stick one on, don't they? They don't cut it off. Can't cut a hole. Yeah, if you cut a hole, you make the hole bigger. Yeah.

No, but the hole's not a pussy, is it? That's the pussy old. Pussy up. I really move on from this. I just headbut that, and it goes through my eye socket. And for the first time, Dan used a Japanese toilet seat. That's why we were getting to.

me developing a bum fetish like you perverts have been enjoying like he'd come it doesn't that goes beyond cleaning don't it can I ask a question about the Japanese with their advanced futuristic perverted toilet

yeah and I'm an expert do they do the Japanese plop yeah they just call a poo yeah okay it's like Chinese food in China a pool rule right

quickie mark who needs a quickie mud I do then they wipe no what why would you wipe that is less cleaning

than the jet well that's like saying oh why'd you clean you can't have before you wax it you give it a clean and then you wax I thought you wiped no but you're not

like it's not spraying wax on your asshole you'd never poo again no the analogy didn't work perfectly thanks for yeah so if your car's dirty you put the hose pipe on it? It is dirty. And that is what the jet is. And then... You don't dry wipe your car before you put water on it, do you? No, you're right. When you've got a poo, it clears the poo and then

dries it and then you get off. So you've got a pooy bum bum. I do not use... And that sprays into your... So what happened was, Carl was like, we got there, we had a lovely time, we had a meal, it was great. And then we went back to Heighton on the lane. And then we saw Carl's pink, house and we... Not my ass, by the way, the actual house. Oh, Wally was so cute. Holly was like, fuck, who's this? Who's this? That's a little one, not a threat. And came up to me like, what do you doing?

And then sniffed me and went, ah! It's that guy from work! I know you. He was literally like, what are you doing it me? Spanga! I know you're welcome.

I'm going to show you my bull! It was fucking great. He was like, oh, I can't believe you're here. He was like, Dan Nightingale's here. He was like, I got five years ago. This would have been mental. And then Carl was like, you've got to use the toilet. Got to use the toilet.

He made Jack Finnegan use a. a couple of weeks ago. So, so I can't plop on demand unlike some blessed people. I can't plop on demand. You plop out. No, if you sit down and force

I had enough poos coming out and... Shut, that's everyone though, isn't it? I think that's me now as well. My belly's changed. I'm getting... So I had to go for a sit-down wee.

Not a problem. Quite enjoyable. But 39 degrees. Oh, that's nice. That's instantly lovely. And obviously it's layer season, but it's early layer season. I imagine when you're deep into

layer season. That is a treat. So I get that. It's very nice. Then you have to press the button twice and you wait. I filmed this all. It's on my Instagram. At Dan has a podcast. Give us a follow. Then I honestly didn't know what to expect. I thought there was going to be like a gentle spray like you're at Carden Park. You know, on the spa. There's a pleasantarium or something and it's, but it's a jet. It is sharp, and it? And it moves like that. So it's cleaning. I,

Press it twice. I heard about a fellow who had a haemorrhoid at one point and it ate his hemorrhoed when it sprayed it. Oh, he got a dangler? It was Adam. Oh, it was you? Yeah. It wasn't a hemorrholy.

Just posting this to let everyone know I'm all right. My dangler has been attacked. Now imagine you've got a pee-y bump. It cleans it, dries it. And I don't use toilet paper. You don't need it? It went in. It went in, my bum-all.

Yeah. And it, with quite a force. And you just sit there and go, Oh, yeah. Yeah, but you sort of finger your eyes a bit when you're wiping it, don't you? If you have a toilet roll, you get, like, a bit of the toilet roll over your finger and you go up, don't you? A little bit, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just doing that.

And we've all had that go wrong, haven't we? You know, you've got to double play it. And you felt cleaner, then when you left? I felt slightly aroused, a little bit abused, which I think is, you know, fine. You know, it's really mad. Do you know when that does go wrong? Do you know if I ever get poo on my, like, arms? Arms.

How, hang on? How wrong does it go? Like, I mean anything from, like, my shoulder to me finger to, I'm grass and hands with my arm. That is a bad wife. Shoulder. Oh, God, it's happening. I, I find it really, I really don't handle it very well. Like, it's, like, an emergency.

Yeah, but, like, I imagine most people get, like, a bit of shit on their hand and go, I'll deal with that in a minute. I, like, panic and run to the sink. Yeah, you've got, you got pooing you. Same, you've got your own poo, aren't? Has anyone done the thing where, you know, you sort of, like, half wake up in the night? and you have an itchy asshole. Have you ever done... I've done this a couple of times

in the last sort of six months where I've just... I've been like, oh my bum's itchy, but you're sort of half asleep. And then you scratch your actual bum hole, like rogue finger, like raw dog in your own bum hole.

And then go... And then it sort of wakes up and you go, I've got a pooey finger. But you wouldn't have a pooey finger with this toilet teeth? That's the point. It cleanses it, poo? Sorry.

Have you never done that? done it twice recently. Do you sleep naked? No. Sometimes. But like when you're doing this, you're reaching inside your underpants. I have done, yeah.

Now, see, in that situation, I use my underpants. No, because then you get poo on your underpants. I'd rather have poo on my underpants, not my finger. Because you can wash it off, whereas if it's poo on your underpants, it goes in the washing machine?

Yeah, but my mum cleans me pants. You're about to get your own house? Yeah, well, then maybe I'll lardee dar, I'll use pants and wipe me ars. No, no, no, no. You don't use pants to wipe your ass. If you have an itchy bum when you have pants on,

it's through the... By the way, if you have, like, full-on shite in your asshole, then you need to get up and go to the toilet and do a poo and wipe it. Like, if it's just the remnants of poo inside your undies,

then your mum just has to deal with that. I'm afraid. Who is she the fucking Queen of Sheba? Yeah, so it's just the writs. Well, like, I've got... I've had the thing with Dan where it's like... It was that Louis C.K. Isn't it where there's just...

There is just... Sometimes I feel like I need to wipe your... else out of nowhere. That goes? Often. Yeah, I think I've got a loose sphincter. Well, I think I'm...

You often have to randomly wipe your bum. Yeah. I don't think you're wiping your bump correctly. No, but I think I've been wiping it too hard because it's, it's my...

It's... It's raw. That's a hemorrhoids. Is that what hemorrhoids are? I thought... So I saw Ace Ventura, I thought hemorrhoids like... I thought they were like grapes.

Yeah. But I don't know what... Grapsey me ass! But yeah, I think I have a hemorrhoid because it, like my arspids. Well, I've got a... you know, a normal hemorrhoid-free

sphincter and that Japanese toilet I only lasted about 15 seconds Oh, I can do three cycles Yeah, easy Do you have to, do you get used to it?

I mean, the first time you used it was it? It's a bit of a surprise the first time, yeah I made noises Oh, you made noise Oh, I go around my house But it's better

You just, I know What did I think was happening While I was in there? She tried to come in And I went, Your Dad's got his bum out And she's like, oh yeah. Yeah, she doesn't respect

Privacy yeah yeah so I'm I can see why it appeals so I also go for the lady after um pum-pum pump-pum time

right well empty's the pump-pum does it work for like yeah the pump-pum's got cum come in there there's a front bum gun oh that could have done my five centimetre time like enemies are out

oh really yeah can you do that with a cop as well the lady wash on the bottom are you nodding so vigorously this thing like you've got a Pumpum yourself. Stay's got a very clean vagina. Also,

he hasn't got a toilet seat, and I have you been in my house? I didn't think when we were meant to put anything like that in there. You're not meant to clean inside your pumpum, aren't you? Not with soap. This is just water, isn't it? Been to keep the pH is the same. You're not meant to clean your pump on?

You know what to keep coming to pump pump? Which daddy girls told you that? No, I thought you weren't meant to, like, clean inside of it. Like, you can let it drip out. Oh. Cut it off at that point. Wow. No, you're not meant to clean.

You're meant to use pH-specific. Yeah, otherwise you can get a pussy infection, can't you? You end up getting BV, bad vaj. Beaver vaj. Morning, everyone. Once again, I say this. Enjoy your breakfast. But it's called a lady wash.

If you look at the remote, it's called lady wash. And it goes to, it comes out more goes to the front. Have you ever used a lady wash, though? I have done, yeah. Wet me bollocks. Nice, though. No, on the bollocks, it feels not good. Right.

Yeah, it's like a speed bag in it. Yeah, quite tender. But I'm glad you used it. I'm really glad you used it. I'm glad we did a little account of it. It's gone down very well on the line. On the line. I don't know if we're going to be investing.

Also, I've got two young children and I just, once they start pressing buttons, there's going to be... Doesn't work unless there's a bum on the seat. Right. It's got sensors on it. No. Yeah, it's got sensors on it. But what they're probably going to do there is...

Waits. Weight. A relative. You know. Go on, Dan. My drug, a relative, popped up on the toilet seat just to, you know, you have to be careful. There's also a baby.

They keep drugging the relatives, so I've got to speak to them about it. There's a baby wash of Jack poo's in the bath again. You can wash him in the toilet. Baby wash. Really? Yeah. He is four and a half, though. Is he still pooing in the bath?

He, once in a while. He keeps his on our toes, yeah. He does keep his on our toes. I think at his age now, if he pews in the bath, that's a decision, isn't it? Like, he's decided. to Perman LeBath the dirty protest No, I see

how he deals with his bowel movements it's very there's no forward thinking with it like he'll go what's that and never puts the

you know I'm asking for a Japanese toilet he literally goes and then farts and you go do you need the toilet he's like no and it's like

leaves it till the last second he video called down my news and arches and he went I've made a circle and it was square what did he made it off

I've made a circle he went Wow, bro, and he's saying it was just a big square of Lego But he went, look at me circle And then he was like, we showed him We showed him Wallace Yeah And then he always says

Show me your best friends this Yeah, yeah If I'm hanging out, if I come to you He's like Adam Rose, your best friend You're, you're with your best friends So I just don't know I'm like, yeah, yeah He's got a bird, Annie

Oh yeah he's got He's got a bird Yeah, he's seeing someone Shagin We went for breakfast Between drugging relatives Yeah We went for breakfast

On Sunday morning Together and The girl from his preschool That he's girlfriend boyfriend with Was turning up at Sainsbury's With the parents And they went

Oh look it's like Oh and they waved And they're like Is she a girlfriend? He was like Yeah Like are you getting married I'm like yeah

And then as we drove out Etta just went I'm the only single one in the car he told that story at dinner and she wanted to jump off the roof will I ever find love

even my brother has managed to find it now oh she's Polish no no that's just how she thought what do you reckon the youngest people I've got married from

do you mean like me and said I've been together since through 19 you're quite young I'm guessing there's people from like 16 Do you reckon anybody's... 12? Twins.

Married? People have been married who've, like, met each other in the same ward. What I mean? Have you ever heard of, like, mothers that get dead close? No, I mean, they weren't together as a boyfriend and girlfriend. Like, Etta's got a boyfriend. Imagine if she married them.

I'm saying what you reckon the youngest is? In the UK, let's keep it within our legal system. The youngest, in fact, if you know or are in a couple where you're like, yeah, we met in like year eight. I think, I think it, there might be, like, the couple that start dead early and they're not really proper doing anything, but they're like, oh, we're boyfriend, girlfriend, and then they just stick. It's very possible in Liverpool as well.

Scouts was like a long relationship. I know a lot of people who've been in a long, like, they like to have a bird, and it's always happy. Isn't it mad though if, like, if two people met when they're in, like, year four and then grew up and, you know, go through their GCSEs together and their A levels in uni and now they're married and they're like 40. They could be the two best or worst people in the world

that are having sex and they'd never know. Never know, yeah. Yeah. They've never had to, you know, they've never... It's like Messi. Like, you don't really know if you're any good at it. You've only really... Yeah.

I know I am, no. It's like Messi. Messi only ever did it in La Liga, but he's known as the greatest, so... Yeah? Ronaldo, yeah, spread his wings, but he's not the top, is he's number two? No, but we all watch the message every week. I haven't watched you every week.

Thankfully, no. Just once. Coming around to check. Yeah, I'll be on the end of the bed. What are you doing? But it was a lovely day, and I think you should do the same now with Mr. Roe and go to his house.

Yeah, that'd be nice. You can bring both your kids to my, no, I won't limit it to one like you did. No, that was 100% me limiting. Yeah. Is it a thank you for La Labou? Etta's a good restaurant hang, Jack. He's a better pint.

We'll go pugs. We'll go to Pog. Do they let four-year-old did? Yeah. Oh, a nice one. You can drink over the age of five with an adult legally. You can have wine. It's wine at dinner, isn't it?

Wine is fine. And they can't do anything about it. Like, if you're in a restaurant and you go give my five-year-old of wine, they can't refuse to serve you. It's your decision, not the places. I'll tell this to Laura. Foseco as well. And Yeagermeister.

Get Jack a bottle of Plaseco. Yeah, I mean, here you go. Great goose for my six-year-old. Now. Yeah, yeah. I'm his father. Great. Well, let's go on the piss.

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It doesn't matter. We'd really, just please get us 100K. We love you. Thank you. Let's do some other words. It's starting to have a word, but that I'm a damn. Tell us all the problems.

Yeah, how with your friends. Lisa says, hello boys, I need to have a word with my teenage daughter, or me if you think I'm in the wrong. My daughter is called Susan, named after my mom who died when I was young. The reason I need you to have a word with her is that she started calling herself Star with two R's, and has even talked about changing her name via deed poll. As she says the name Susan, is an old woman name, and people have made jokes. jokes in school. I refuse to call her anything other than the actual name I gave her. I think it's beautiful and she's named after a brilliant woman, but it's just caused arguments and further

furthered her resentment of her name. So have a word with her for showing a lack of respect for the name we picked out for her and also for choosing such a shit replacement name in Star with two hours. Love the pod and see you at the arena with my husband Flex. I sort of think you have to take the lead on this, Dan, in a way. But, yeah, I mean, I mean, the big problem with this is the name she's picked. Do you know what I mean? Because her being, like, being called Susan, that's an old woman's name. I want to be named after a burning ball of gas.

That's a bit much, in it? Yeah, what's you doing? But, like, if Etta came to you and was like, because Esther's an old woman name, you know? I want to be called Kevin. Yeah. Etta's an old woman name, but it's the generation older than Susan. Yeah.

So Susan's a mum name. So they do come back round, don't they? Like, names, like... when I was a kid Ethel was a... Surely Lindsay's dead though But it'll come back round No Lindsay's quite a nice name

No I think there's young Lindsay For a young girl now You'd have a baby with Ellie and call it Lindsay Where's Lindsay? She's two I don't think it's that old In it? No, that's the problem

It's in the middle It's like... It's a 50 year old woman in it It's Karen, it's Janet Oh little baby Janet I think you're really mugging off Lindsay's here I think Karen and Janet Is it?

No, I think Lindsay's the person He's absolutely in that. Karen Janet Susan. Lindsay? No, Lindsay's only bad if you're from like, if you're from like wig or whatever, you say Lindsay. Little baby Lindsay. Lindsay is in that middle ground of, it's gone.

Lindsay's Gary. I'll throw another one out there. Leslie. Leslie's an older woman. You can't be christening her Leslie. Leslie, I also think it's quite a butch woman. Oh, Leslie. Is it like nominative determinism?

Yeah. Like Leslie's a bit butch. Lesby's got a short haircuts, even if she likes men. Yeah, Leslie's not a Hollywood actress, is she? Leslie's like a... She works in the chippy. Yeah.

Oh, Leslie. Star. Do you really hate that? I don't suit. I don't hate that. Yeah, because I... Star. Fuck off!

You're trying so hard there. Stop! With two ours as well. I know what the second I was for. Here's the example. You sit in the pub with the girls or the whatever and you're like, oh, my friends come and star, you're not thinking... I know, but you're not thinking she's a kid, didn't she?

She's like, these are the names I like. You're doing the 33-year-old thing of going, I'm not doing a star, but she's gone, oh, if I'm picking a name, which she is, she's gone, you know. Star. If Esther started calling herself Star, you'd be fine, with it? Two R's as well.

Yeah, two S's. Star. I'm not super happy with it. You'd call it, Etta. Oh, this is, by the way, the absolute, if you're a mum and you've given the name, whether they like it or not, the name you've given, you can use it until the end of time.

Like, you don't ask you start with ignoring you though Or if Etta got to like I'm not Anson's on anymore, call me Raquelme. Etta, there's a bus. Well, I shouldn't listen. Rekelme. Big bock of fan.

Rekelme. I'd love that, by the way. Have you seen Etta today? She's changed your name. What is it? Van Hoidonk. You may have come in the pub, by the way, Raquelme.

Muchoy of Meta. Good on the ball. No, I wouldn't be best happy. But then I think Etta's a bit of name is Susan. What's about your mum? But mine's said as well, I didn't call my kid Norma.

She was a brilliant woman. Norma might be gone for good, by the way. Not just your mum, like the name. No, she's definitely gone for me. She turns up. Again, I've got questions. Your mum's name's quite like evergreen, isn't it? I don't think.

Ann? Yeah, I don't feel like that would be a wild one to call a baby now. Oh, I do. Do you? This is Anne. Show for Annie. No, but people don't do that anymore, you know? Annie is actually show for Anne.

Weirdly. All right. Contraction. A protraction. Is that true? Well, yeah, Annie's like, there's similar sorts of names,

but the name is Anne. It's like, my nephew's Charlie, Chris and Charlie. And so people got, oh, it's Charles. You're like, nope.

My sister was like, I like the name Charlie, not interested in Charles. So people are doing that now. They're christening with the... Yeah, yeah. Carl is a contraction of Charles. Like way back.

Right? when i must have told you this at some point on the podcast but you know how like family politics can affect major events like weddings and births what uh like family drama and that so when i was born i was called vincent as you know for a week and that was after my granddad who was also called vincent this and then uh for a week, sort of everyone was like to me, well, oh, that's a fucking really old shit name. Why have you done that? Now, me, granddad.

And they were like, because it'll match this jumper when he finally wears it. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Me, uh, no, well, Vinny's like a 40s, 50s name. This is a 70s vibe. Sorry, I got it totally wrong. Stupid. This is more of a mid-century modern piece. We, uh...

More of a Leslie. I feel really bad for my granddad, uh, on this, because he'd obviously gone the booze and gone, they've named the fucking baby after me. Let's have a... fucking pint of you chinsanos Chinsan-a-a-a-a-chinsan This podcast is sponsored by Chinsano

and you find out what it is. A week later he had to go back to pub and go they fucking chase to have any no chinsano's for me tonight, Terry, just bitter, which is what I am. Oh, he's quite poetic. Oh yeah, he's in bars. For an electrician, he really knew how to

use his... Isn't he a plasterer? Words. Beautifully done. Do you see a plaster then? No, that's my other granddad. So this is the point. So my granddad, Vinnie, was the spark. He was an electrician for the army.

Sparked in World War II. Oh, wow. Plugging the tanks in and that. Get the lights on. There was a mid-century war. So, obviously, my granddad was a bit disappointed, but accepted it. So I became Adam Vincent, Ro. Vincent being my middle name.

Okay. And, uh... Just really. Dan, keep up. crossing the eyes dotting the teeth you know I I was four years in the making that's a long fuck

yeah my dad's stink tantra fucking you know what I mean um your mum stung stung I said mum stunk stung too much that's out of blue

your mum stunk what lovely name though I tried to get that house evergreen you're up stuff yeah so my mom and dad

started trying for the baby since they were married so they were together for four years and then four years after they were married I was born you know or like that's when they found out she was pregnant

because yeah they were trying for four years and then you know they go to the doctors and all that and they're like hey don't know whether it's a pussy or my cock but something's wrong here So they're like, right, well, we'll have a little luck.

The doctor said that. No, that was my dad. And the doctor's like, right, we'll have a look at your own now. We'll have a look at a hoochie. And struck off immediately. It's the 17th. I'm a hoochie doctor. Hootie?

Meantanacologist. Shut up, you square. I'm a coochie doctor. Shut up. And on the final day of testing, you're going to be a hoochie mama. I think they'd looked at my dad's knob. They had a good look at her.

And they were like, massive. Oh, like, there seems to be working fine, Mick. And he was like, yeah, no worries.

First name. You know, they were just about to do the hoochie tests. Last day of the hoochie testing. And, uh, the doctor apparently, it's a three-day hoochie test.

He'd proper Simon called it. He'd come back in, uh, to the room and said to me, mom, can't even have a fucking look at your pussy girl. Can't. give you IVF, and she was like,

Brian. He was like, you're already pregnant. Oh, I thought you were trying to put it with all the pussies and make a band? It's not, on its own, it's not good enough. Bring in Nile Heron. You've got ourselves a fucking pussy band meet. The Golden Buzzard. And they were pregnant with me.

Years later, you know, I think they were probably going to try for another baby at some point. Four years later, you know, just happened magically for them. What we've learned about your parents is the only fuck on a World Cup which is nice.

We've made the quarters, come here, and our Jack was a surprise. So when he came out, they named him Jack. And anyway, long story short, my mum's side of the family got pissed off because Vincent's I was named after my granddad and they assumed that they'd call

our Jack Jack after me, Grandad John. Because Jack is short for John. Right. Where we finally got to is fine. I've really enjoyed the journey. I'll be honest. Oh, you're dick's fine, Mick.

Nothing wrong with that. Unbelievable. It's taking some pictures. In the museum. He's later. How did you land on Etta? Like, whose idea was that? Was it yours or Lordas?

Because Jack Nightingale is a great name. It feels like it's easier to come to. Absolute Sondland play, though. Yeah. In the middle. Pulling the strings. get a signed by Brighton. I, we didn't have any other options

and... Yeah, of course. Like, Karen, June. For Jack? Oh, for Jack. We're having a son. I want him to be Karen. Karen June, Jack Knighting.

We just don't have any other options. What about Star? You're mad. I just, we didn't like any other... You know, you meant to have like a long list and a short list. Yeah. Which is... Which happened with...

Etta we like Betsy we like Harper um betsy's a wild one betsy's one of the older names in it yeah yeah harper's what beckham called is harper seven somebody fucked who's that after the the lady who wrote to kill a mockingbird i think so yeah i think i think i'm just under the half past seven joke that i made good i was talking about to kill a mock where did we fuck taste time brooklyn bum what time did we fucked second time half seven half a seven

that we names us kids in it where we fucked we fucked a third time we're in cruise weren't we Cruz what's he the one

call Romeo Romeo and they fucked in Italy yeah Romeo I don't know

what I want but one kid was just the time Arpa seven I can't remember where we were yeah we just had a

I think my sister's mate had a kid called it at her and I'd found this out and then not remembered

gone in my head and then I was like, I've had a great idea so I unintentionally nicked it but you know when there's a degree of separation there was enough degrees of separation that no one can whinge yeah oh the girls girls have got like I've got this name Bagzied

yeah that's not a I know you just don't really plan on having children but obviously that could change you know anytime have you got any names that you sort of no it changes so much doesn't it like the time?

Like right now Sereka rang you right now. I was like, you're not going to believe it. I was just in a ass there. And I started against stomach pains and I'm in the hospital and we've got a baby. Oh, then you probably conceived in Japan.

Fukushima. A month? What? Came back two weeks ago? Yeah, she could be pregnant. No. She said you gave birth. Yeah.

Oh, right. And we never heard about this. Some women, like... Oh, I thought he meant announcing the pregnancy. Also, Fukushima is where the really bad events happened. Oh, yeah, you're right. We call Hiroshima.

names you're right boy so you find out a boy has just crawled out to Seneca right now

wow what uh what like she goes I'm too tired but we need a name pick her

go on bye text me text me like I'm texting I'm texting I'm texting what fucking milk

I want Kevin come on Rambo Rambo Regla Rambo Regal yeah go on the most

so Mohammed did you know that is the number one one name it well i've typed in it if you want to bring some names back i typed in extinct uk boy's names and number one is beverage behind mohammed which is obviously the most common name um noah is the most common boy's name in the UK this year yeah but one of our mates has got a kid called now so you probably can't have that can you i wouldn't have that anyway give me some um what's the names um Noah yeah uh you know Mohammed's Oliver

George Leo I mean Oliver and George that is they're evergreen because that's just every generation it feels like Yeah Um

Sixth is Arthur Again That's a granddad name Coming back Um Little Artie's good though in it Artie Regler Artie's a cool

Nice My mate My mate Shui He's got a kid called Artie But also there's You name it You may who Joe Schumacher?

Oh right John Shumacher Yeah why Yeah Shuey I just, that's what he calls himself. Yeah, yeah. Not chewy.

Me, mate. I think he thought to said, uh. No, no, I was just like, do you think I say Jewie? No. No.

No. What are that? I'll say yes, the one I like. Keep going. Luca, Theodore, Oscar. My brother's called Oscar. Theo's good, though.

Theo is a cool name. So Theodore is actually above Theo. Yeah. They're two separate ones. Yeah, but they're not, though, are they? on this list they are the government list biblical names are coming back

Judas Judas Judas Regler coming back yeah but biblical well biblical names are around a lot Paul and Peter are pretty like solid aren't they

they're always Pontius Again not one of the more popular Bible characters So I'm a Pontius He's in there He's trying to be a pilot

At some numbers of the terminus I've ever heard Pontius I don't think that's a common one Pontius A Ponzi Come on a pot Ponce Ezekiel

I don't eat Ponte Ponty's cool in it like Pontin's Ponty I'm having Ponte Go Pontius Little Pontius That's sick He's got on the ball

Punchus Ponte Ponte Ponte Ponte Pondi Pondi Monte Monte Riegler I'm into it me I go I'm sort of exotic

Like you got like Kevin Prince Bowateng Was that his middle name I thought his name was Kevin Prince Yeah but I give Ponte Prince

That's in Wales Twit fireman Sam works isn't it? Yeah. I do like a name and I forgot it. It's the name of the actor who's in Fantastic Beast. He's the guy who blows up. Mark Ruffalo.

Dumbledore. First name, Mark Ruffalo. Like Kevin Prince. Mark Ruffalo Regler. How did you come up with a name? Well, Pick fan of Mark Ruffalo. It's hard, isn't it? Like Pick and Wallace was hard enough?

I've got another have a word along the same lines. Hello, Liz. I've got to have a word for you. Ezra. So I've been with my partner for about eight years now. One night she's chatting with her mom and baby names come up. My partner mentions the name she's always dreamed of giving her first born. Fast forward a few months.

Her mom gets five cats. And what does she do? She gives one of them the exact name because she liked it. So now, instead of calling our future child something meaningful, every time I hear that name, I'm just going to think of her mom's cat licking its own ass on the windowsill. either have a word with me or have a word with her for being a bad gimp. Depends what the name is.

So this is all of this. It's like mittens or something. If it's Mark Ruffalo, that was yours. Oh, I'd love a cat called Mark Ruffalo. What a fucking great. If I got two cats, Benizio del Toro and Mark Ruffalo, that would be so good. Can I see you a cat, you know? I'd like cats, but my wife's allergic.

I am as well, I've got one. Imagine getting home with someone who doesn't know you've got a cat and going, where's Mark Ruffalo? He's upstairs. Oh, God. Benicio del Toro's been run over He's only got Mark Ruffalo left Amalate to Kat and I've got one

Cats don't respond to their names do they No They respond to Yeah so call your cat that It's not that they don't respond to their names They don't know it's their name It's not like you're shouting it And it's just like fucking ignore him

Say my name But you may as well call him anything then Yeah Click Goblin No because then you have to tell people Like your cat is called Click Goblin And if they're sound they'll understand And you go, don't call your kid, click gobbling, and I got there first.

You've ruined that name now, I had that bagseed. Like clip bastard, then it? Yeah. See, I already know the names of my kids. Ellie's told me what our kids are going to be called. But you're like Paige. No, I don't know where you've got that from. I'm sure you've told me that.

What you've done is, I've started reading and you've gone books. Right? I think... Can I write this down and if I get any cats just before you do? D-U-E. I think if you're... If your second name is Turner, Paige is a good one.

Page Turner. She's a real Paige Turner. That's a porn star name in her. That's a baby station name. Probably, yeah. Yeah, I avoid that. Click goblin. One of your names again?

Can't be asked with fucking 30,000 patrons thinking it's a laugh and all calling their fucking dogs these names. Go on. Mark Ruffalo. Benicio del Toro. She's a lovely girl. Oh, I know them.

They're quite American. Zach for a boy. With a CK or a H With a CK But it's not something to do with the country stuff It's Dingle It sort of precedes that It's Emmerdale

Say by the bell First boy Zach Marlon First girl Eliza That's it From Hamilton

That's where the inspiration starts Eliza with a Z Or a S With a Z Z? On Z's everywhere mate Right

Second boy Vinnie Vinny He's got to be hard He's got to be hard Called Vinny Can't be a soft Vinny And it's

Fourth Second girl Would be Lila I think Are you having four kids Liza and a Lila I want two kids But you know

Like what if They're both girls Or both boys Great So you have to have two Names for me Smart You've got a thing

Shoutin up to Stairs That's what I always think And Lila Sounds like Eliza Hang on Let me try Eliza If you just say

If you just say If you just say Laiai If you just say Lai in that. Gotta be different. The only problem is if Mark Ruffalo's visiting and is using your Japanese toilet it will get confusing.

I think I actually thought about them being similar and maybe I did change it but then I can't remember what it is now. Lila's a nice name. I like Lila. If your partner's mom is naming cats after the names

that you want your baby to be called she's annoying and it's going to be for the rest of your life. I was going to call me dog Vinny but that's gone back to my son now because I'm calling the dog Remy. After Lowy. Ramey. Big fan of the French striker.

Huge fan of the room. He's either Remy or Ali Adier, but he's stuck with Remy. Cool French knowledge. J. Rimi. Ali Adere. There you go. I wanted to call my

dog Geoffrey with a G. I like it. Because you've got Geoffrey. Jeffrey with a G. You've got Geoffrey, Jeff and G. Do you like from the Fresh Prince? We call him G. Zerica. We had a cat called Shorts.

and it didn't even have a pattern on it, it was all black. That's weird. We had a cat called socks, and I'm not even messing. It's quite common, no, in it. Got another one from Al Dawson. High lids, I need to have a word with my so-called mates and potentially need some advice on how to navigate this. I'm recently back on the dating scene after a long-term relationship, and I started chatting to one girl who I met on the apps.

After a few dates, things were heating up, and I sent her a full body, full erect, naked mirror selfie. Or I thought I did. In the heat of it, I accidentally sent it to the Stagdoo group chat with all my mates and my mate's dad in. The lads have had a field day, but now a month has passed and things have gone to a whole new level as they keep on trying to one up each other. The stag do included a cardboard cutout of me with my cock out. One of the lads posted it on my Facebook page for everyone to see. And over the weekend, one of them had put a banner on the roundabout near my work saying,

happy birthday Alan Dawson with the photo on to which my boss has pulled me in asking about it my birthday was in March have a word with them and tell me how I can put this behind me because at the moment I don't know how I can live it down you have to ride her

don't fight against them surely it's illegal to be putting pictures of people with the cock out on roundabouts that's a fact yeah I mean you've got a rider if you fight if you like you with the Bondi if you push they go they all bite

you need to be like And then they get bored. You've got to let it wash over you. But then it keeps pouring over you. But, you know, I didn't get my dick out and send it to the fucking group chat. So anyone who's new or like, we've got casual listeners who missed the odd thing,

there's an in joke going with Dan that him and his mate earn loads of money. And it's all his own fault. This is just a bad Instagram post. But luckily, they have not let me forget it. The thing is, like, you know, you've got to let it ride. You've actually really got to be okay with it for it to die off. Because every now and then, Dan pretends he's fine with it.

And, like, joins in a bit. And he's like, hey, I'm all good. But then if we push it two or three extra times on that day, then he snaps again. So it's still fun because we can see through the bullshit of him being like, I like it. I'm in on the joke too, guys. We're all having a laugh.

Yeah. But you've got... But again, what am I suffering, apart from you interrupting some stories and going, hey, you're fucking near anymore? It's not the end of the world, is it? Like, I'm...

Like, I... No, but genuinely, me getting irritated by that, it's like, it's on me then, isn't it? Because all I'm getting is a bit of earache. This... There's not any condo. This is a lot more to have to be sound with. And it's your fault.

You've fucked it. Like, you've absolutely fucked it. You cannot be sending full... naked selfie cock pictures to all your friends and expect them to get away with it. Is that what the ladies are wanting? Is that...

Yeah, they want to see what they're wearing. I haven't ever sent a dick pick. I took a picture of my dick in 2006 and, you know, Finn nailed it with the punchline. But I didn't know we were doing like full body fucking...

Yeah, because your face tells you how they're meant to react. You're not doing karate. Like, I mean, what did you just like mug shot it and stand with your... Yeah, you're like mad dog, mean mug.

Hey! but surely side on to show her the pipe length. It depends. Some people's dick go to like a side, don't he? So then you do it straight on and it shows the curvature. Ideally you want a semi, don't you? You don't want it like... Oh no, surely you only send a wrecked.

I get a small kind of coke me, one of them little fun-sized ones and put it next to her. Who's joke was that? That was someone's bit that. Russell Brown had a little bit of like, certainly they were 20Ps. But he's a bad guy. I go to Lego Land in Windsor.

Why? Just get my dick out because it's just all tiny houses in it. But the park's empty. You'd also look really tall, like, intimidatingly tall. Yeah, but she'd be like,

that's a massive dick. Because that fire station. I've got his clock out. I think there's not, you can do here. This might last forever. How do you own it, though? This would last forever.

Can you imagine, like, the lads we went to school with? Like, if I put a full naked, erect dick pick into like my golf. group with Josh Ryan and Stey. It lasts forever and even, it might die off for two years and someone

remember it and bites back in again. It's never going away, you've fucked it. But you're just going to have to own it, brother. Well, now it's on Facebook as well. Facebook memories will pop it up every year. I would imagine it's been to least. I think it preaches TOS. Can we mention the one that you showed us on Saturday?

Oh my God. What was this? The man who with it on Facebook. Oh, yeah. That was just on Twitter. Someone had put a tweet up saying what's the best accidental post you've ever seen

and a fella had put a picture up for taking his grandson for a walking out of the park him, his wife and his grandson but he also accidentally made a collage and the other two pictures were two selfies of him sucking cock.

Like literally like listen I know you've got naked and your bone has been like put around, but... That's... Also, that's not in the heat of... Like, at least for him, it's in the heat of the moment

and it's like an honest mistake or whatever. Like, if you're posting it on Facebook, that's... Do you know what I'm eating? Yeah, I mean, it is an honest mistake. It's not in the heat at the moment, but it's just another fuck-up. Like, it's a digital error in it.

If he's in good shape and he's had a good willie, just be like, yeah, I look good, don't I? Like, David? Yeah, just be like, I look good. Or if he's a fat-swat with a maggot, though? You fucked her. Why are you taking the picture? you just have to be like

yeah boys I like I can look I like a fucking belt of there you know I don't think you can say a fucking word because like just having lived through the earning more debacle of 2025 if you say too much you go look at him trying to own it you don't fucking

own it if you like you just have to go yep cool you can't you can't do anything there's no like lads come on I'm looking at legal proceedings about this because my dick was on the round about me boss's door me and like I'm a teacher like

there isn't anything you can say you just it's never going to stop you need new mates we as an REE transfer out home well yeah and then they'll find out you've moved and like oh you've got new friends have you oh they're just assholes aren't they

we as an RE teacher who what no if you got if you moved on I've got new mates and they were like I'm just going to poison your life forever no I would do that who are you what if you want what what character Did you just play?

Oh, well, that's too far. I'd never find out where you are and start messaging, tweeting. Called Les Den as a horse for no reason. We had an R.E. teacher who someone went through their old Facebook and there was a photo of, with a pint in her hand, with her fellow's cock over her head, like on her forehead, just like rested on the top.

And that went around your school. Yeah. Surely she'd lose a job. I had to be sent to seven different phones, like. Do you know what? It's, it was, like, you. You kind of, do I mean, it wasn't like, wasn't her cock.

No, but I think you still, you know, you're in trouble. I don't, I don't think it got that. You've got a responsibility as a teacher to not have pictures of cocks on your face on the internet, I think. She was still at our prom, so she must have rode it out.

Do what she did? She wrote something, mate, cock. What's that doing for you? Having a cock on your head? I don't think it was like a sexy nude. I think it was like a, funny.

What I mean? A couple of pikes. Oh, sorry, I thought it was like a, well, this is what we're doing. It's probably for them. He was like, Like slapped your cock on like the side of woman's face? I've never just rested in my dick and balls

on my wife's forehead. Arabian goggles? Huh? Arabian goggles? That's what's called? Arabian goggles is when you rest your balls over their eyes. Right. Where's my five centimeter perineum going?

Right on a nose. Sniff that. It's clean. I've been to calls. Well, no, you surely your penitium in that situation would be on air forehead. Oh, nice. She's got a big one.

Your taint's not lower than your balls, is it? A camel. It's behind, behind the bus. It doesn't dangle lower. Oh, I've not got a dangley pair in him. What have you heard? It's sags in old age. I hope no.

It's quite a tight piece of there. It's all the rabian goggles. That's the sex move. In the Carmasuita. It's in the Carme Soutre. And it's these Arabian goggles. This is tea bagging. And this is the Carme Soutre.

This is a rusty chambonbo. The alligator fluffing. What fucking Carmas Suche here? Get into a tantry position and fucking wank him off behind. Make a little sound. tea bagging, that's balls in the mouth, is it? Yeah, lower than. Like a tea bag.

Thanks. It's, what I do sometimes is I try and throw me bollocks across the kitchen and get it in the mouth before the kettle boils. So good luck with that, Al Dawson. You're full, brother. But the main thing is you've written in to have a word and just projected the story out to more people who want to see you naked

with an erection, just to see. Let's have a break. Rob Thomas is on his way. BetMGM is the place for soccer in Canada. With over 150 betting markets for the biggest sport in the world, you can create a same game parlay using revamped parlay selection features

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please contact ConX Ontario at 1866-531-260 to speak to an advisor free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with Eye Gaming Ontario. Oh, Robbie Damos is here. Oh, Bobby Tizzles, mate. Oh, Robert Domas. It's happening everyone. Looking very slim. Looks like you've lost four stone, Rob.

I have, but the problem is, I'm still fat cunt, aren't I? You're back to where you want to start. Yeah, I'm back to me before. Yeah. Not even, I'm nowhere in here after. Did you do the, before? Before, before pitcher? I have got one with me 20, yeah, I haven't done another one yet, though.

So you were 27 stone. 27 stone switches, I'm the highest, I'm now 23, 10. So you're nearly halfway to what you want to be, aren't you? Because you told me your goal before. Well, about 18. Yeah. Yeah, but like I say, I'm only now at what it was when I was last fat. For the audio listeners, Rob is 5 foot 4.

I honestly put you going to say for you on this is Robert is fat. They can hear, yeah. No, because it was, like, I've always been fat. So, like, when I floated around fat, I just, like, you know, funny fat, I was 23 stone odd then. And then, like I say, I had a baby, not me, but then I put the weight on for her.

That's nice. I got to 27 stones. Solidarity. Yeah, it's just like an excuse, in it. It's just like, oh, I can't go to the gym because of my dad. I need to be her own with the kids.

See this? See this? I'm a good dad. Well, I do sort of have that theory, though. I think if you got absolutely a bad dad. Right. Because you know when you go on Aldi, you see dabs with abs, and you think you've got to sacrifice something to get them. Focus.

Time with your kids. That's why I'm working on my abs, mate. There's this new trend of men in the buildup to getting the women pregnant. And the buildup to like the fuck. Yeah. They do like nine months of fucking really disciplined, no alcohol, eating really well.

Like the stuff women have to do during pregnancy. So like I think when I get around to, sort of wanting to have kids than nine months before it I'm going to get absolutely shredded and have the discipline that she's going to have to have because she can't have a pint for nine months

but obviously while she's pregnant I'm going to need to be able to have a pint then so what you do is you make you come healthier so that you come in her and then she's got your healthy come and you don't need your come to be healthy after that and also she's going to be a fucking whinging little rat isn't you when she's pregnant

I'm going to need a pint then that in the pub exactly yeah He's a keeper. And do that, though. They say, like, when you come, like, that's what your kid's going to be like. So, like, if you're a fat cunt,

your kid's going to be a fat cunt. If you're drunk. But if you lose weight, if your kid will be thick. If you lose weight, and then your kid will become out healthier, but then the problem is you'll have a healthy kid and you'll be a fat cunt dad.

Oh, yeah. So your kid's going to want to play around the park. Maybe I'll get addicted to it. Maybe I'll stay shredded. What do you mean? Like, the things you've got addicted to so far in your life. Adam is. getting shredded.

You well known for being addicted to things for long, long, long, long periods of time. I honestly, like, can't tell you how much I reject this absolute nonsense that I'm, like, a faddy person. Like, I get into stuff and I stick into it. Names something I've give up that I got into. But this is what you say.

You go, I haven't given up that. I just have a chance to do that. Because I've been doing these other things that have taken up instead. But I still play golf. Not as much as you do when you took this six weeks of, like, I look. this now. Yeah. Yeah, I played more when I first got into it, but I haven't stopped

doing it, so I'm still into it. Yeah, once a year is still doing it, so shut up. Christmas, every Christmas, shut up. Your journal every morning? Do you my journal? You're doing your journal every morning. My journal's next to me, Beth? Swear down, swear down every morning for the last six months you've been journaling.

No? No. But you are the journal and you've wrote it in the last year, so he's still journal. So, shut up. And one of his other things is... I actually never started to I just like the idea of it. Adam's addicted to saying he's going to be shredded and he has never stopped saying he's going to be shredded. So actually, all fuck off.

Yeah. But I am going to do that in the build-up to like trying for kids. I do think it's a good idea. You're going to stop drinking? For nine months? It's good to get healthy. You have to stop for nine months? It's good to get healthy while you're trying as well

because I was a fuck-up when I was trying. That was hard work. Yeah. Trying to shag three times a day. What can't you do with 27 stone that you can do with 20 today? Like, what have you found yourself like, Go on the bouncy castle of the Christen while the kids are on it

Oh, you could, though, couldn't you? Take a Ryan air flight. You could be the second bouncy castle. And he noticed, well, I had to have a seatbelt extender that we all know about that. But you can't have to do it now? No, no, that's gone now. Okay, that's good.

You've got to make some decisions before getting in on a trampoline, aren't you? Like, well, it's just funny because you get in a trampoline with your kid and he can't move because he's just stuck in the bottom of the hill. Or he ends up on the moon when you jump. Where's the kid?

It's on the moon. But it's not because the trampoline can't really bounce, either. You're sort of like, it just goes back to normal. It just goes, oh, fuck, fuck for that. The trampolines, body. Realistically, sometimes, you know, you have to get off the toilet to wipe your ass.

That's a big one. I do that anyway. I'm a hovra. Yeah, but I mean, like, you have to get two steps away to really get. get into the squat to be able to get it in. So, like, walk away from the toilet. Get your steps in.

Yeah, yeah. You get two steps in to wipe your ass. Oh, that'd be a bad squat to fail on, wouldn't it? The one way you just go down on your own body weight to wipe your ass. Imagine shoutless someone for hell. I need a spotter! Sit on your hand with a shitty ass. I have to cover a shit with two guys on either side of you.

All you. It's all you. It's all you. It's all you. Anything else you've noticed? Um. Are you feeling better? Yeah, you feel better.

I feel a lot better. I feel great. Rob, the annoying thing is you look dead healthy. You look like really well. This is why I got fat because I carry weight well. Yeah.

It's annoying as well. But you're clear skin, you're clear-eyed, you look like you're spark. I don't know you've been out. You look well, mate. I'm trying to fuck him.

And you're a good kisser. And you're a great friend and you're always there for me. I would be if you, if you ever asked. I don't like my boyfriend's needy. No, but you do, you look. No, but in general,

you get, your hard-ons are great now. They're good. Have you got a goal? I want to be able to do this. Skydive with 16 stone. I'm too fat to fall, aren't I? You've got to be 16, that's the max. Yeah, yeah.

Is that too heavy for a parachute? Is that the region? No, no, well, I think, to get the plane up. It's to do with someone being on your back. Yeah, yeah. And they need to match your weight. So they just fucking rule it at 16 stone and go, So unless I know another fat cunt

who knows how to Who knows how to parachute Skydive But they're not allowed to Because they're too Fat anyway No no I think I think it's just down to

You've got to match weight For the parachute or something You've got to be of like average weight Like a inner Margin of Edda Yeah If you put like a skinny person On his back

It's like putting a toast You might slice of a toast On the back of a cat Do you mean Toast always lands butter side up Cat always land on the feet The old toast on the cat You never hear about that though

That like paradox Cats always land on the feet Toast always lands butter side Down Down so if you put Like a buttered toast And the butters this side On a cat and the legs are there

Which way would it land I think the cat wins there Doesn't it? Yeah the cat definitely wins Do you know why it lands Butterside down It's just because it's heavier It's just a lot of averages

Yeah it's like the 50P The coins heavy on one side So it's 514s in there Yeah but cats don't have big feet So they're not bottom-heavy, are they? But the cat's heavier than toast, is what I'm trying to say. But the cat's always going to win. But have you got a load of toast

and put the same weight as a cat? A butt of each side, that would then work. Someone's going to ring the RSBCO. But yeah, I'd like to skydive. Skydives your goal. Are you gone to skydive? Rob, can I come? I'm on Earth, boys, I want to be there for the skydive.

I haven't done a skydive. I'd like to be there. You've done one? Yeah. Have you? What was it like? I fucked up and Carl had. to re-upload an episode so I put, I bought presents

and I owe you and a very dangerous I owe you that he cashed in as a skydive that we did in America Shropshire Have you been to Shropshire America? It's a lovely state stroke town. When you get to 18 stone

you're going to book a skydive. Yeah well because I think I like you do it. I think 18th stones really go oh go on yeah we'll find someone. So to celebrate you're going to skydive yeah. You're going to promise yourself there? I don't know what you mean by Like, is that going to be like a celebration? Yeah, but I know I can't trust myself, so I would have promised myself that.

So promise us? Yeah, promise the world. Yeah, but you just don't mean enough, no offence. Enough to me for me to keep the promise. All right. Can I have, can we have a little direct as me? We'll pay for the skydive. Well, you get free if you raise enough money on charity?

Yeah, shut up. Yeah, but you're going to, you're losing me raising money for charity now. You're fucking over charity. You do, all this charity. Come on. Well, that's, we'll cover it. Get away with being a cunt, don't I? That's how you do it.

We all pay for it. the skydive if you get to 18 snow how are you with heights because i'm not i'm oh right okay because i'm i've never been that bothered but all of a sudden when they opened the door of the airplane i just became a lot more bothered when i watched the kid who was a patron of ours yeah who was like i saw your name and i realized who it was so i wanted to be here he wasn't doing anything in the end he just basically did a quick skydive he was there to be up in the plane i was next to a six year old woman who had like triple dropped her HRT and was flying, literally.

She was like, oh, I'm having a great time. She was like, are you ready? She was like, I'm loving it. Like, oh my God, she was so annoyingly happy with the whole experience. Made me look like I was shit in it. But I was just a normal level of like, holy fuck, we're high up, aren't we? The kid jumped out. And I don't, I've never seen a person just fall like that.

And it was like, he literally, he didn't even like, he just sort of stepped out. And gravity went. It's so fast and it made me go it's so stupid because you know you're about to jump out of an airplane

but watching how quickly he went gave me the sort of I got a little bit of fear but you've got no worries about heights well I'm saying that but if you get up there

I might do the same thing as you but no I got to how can you not be worried about falling out of an airplane that is the most rational fear ever falling from the sky until I had a kid though

I had no fear of dying I've always looked at it like you know like Huck Have you ever seen Huck where he goes To die would be an awfully big adventure I've always thought Yeah that's great in it And then I had the kid

And I'm like oh no I want to have a dad Because what if someone else raises him And then Yeah you put your foot There's a better job than me Hypothetical jealousy Yeah yeah I don't know something to be better than me

Is that I'll stick around But you put your feet Is that your worry That someone would be better Not worse Yeah I think that's the wrong way man Yeah yeah

Sorry, but yeah, that is my worry. My worry is that he'd have such a nice dad. Like, going from me to someone like, Carl. Do you get what I mean? He's like dead, nice and like, and then I just think, oh, like, that can't be right. Because then what's his mum going to be like? What was your dad like?

Well, you're a psychic, to be honest. Every mum's biggest fear is like, don't mean someone else and she's a dick to the kids. You're like, don't meet, he can't be too good. Yeah. Don't be showing off. Venet or minimum. Exactly.

So if you, if you passed away and your Mrs. found a way to move on, you'd want to be like a crackhead abuser? No, I'd like him to be sort of on my level. And then there should be enough nostalgia and sentiment that keeps me number one. Okay. But then like, but then, yeah, so it's like, so he's just, he's a bit toxic. He's not always there. He's a bit of a lazy cunt, drinks in the dark, you know, the stuff like that.

Whereas you have the lights on? Whereas I leave Netflix on. So, like, dad would leave the light on. Oh, God, be missing. Exactly. So when, like, say, someone like Carly's dead nice and stuff, and you're like, oh, then when she goes, what was my dad like?

A shike go-hanging, cunt. Never track back, moaned as, it sounds like me, isn't it? Sounds like me. Maybe I'll keep that going for you. Yeah, you can keep the footy bit over. Do you put your fears onto your kids? Because I always think, that.

Because, like, if I've got kids, like, Sereka loves to see, they're going to look at me and go, why is Dad so scared and then take... No, but I've, again, I've got no real fears But no fears But again

It sounds like a cuntist doesn't it But I obviously have I'm like intimacy Being vulnerable Do you know what I mean Like baby fears Have you put that on to your kid Yeah

Never trust anyone son Like Day me fears Never trust a cuddle But I'm not scared To see you know Vulnerability is It lends itself into anything

Doesn't it I'm scared of the sea Because I'm vulnerable there Yeah but I'm scared Of being vulnerable Yeah that's what I'm saying You're scared Of being scared

You're not scared of the sea you're not scared of being vulnerable in the sea. You're scared of drowning never trying to hold Carl in the sea. He's scared of ever being in a situation where someone might be like he needs help in any way emotionally you mean? Yeah yeah. Oh yeah, of course I mean

emotionally what you think I mean like oh I'm scared of five lads. You're scared of drowning he's scared of anyone thinking on any level they could help him out exactly that I'm scared of anyone thinking I might need help So you didn't have seen

You're like don't help me Oh yeah I got myself into the situation That means that It's also not from Like I'm scared of moths But I'm not vulnerable around the moth You are though

You're scared of the moth No but I don't think it's gonna pick me up And fly you're right But I reckon that moth knows You're scared of no Oh yeah I had one run But see I'm

I don't like the idea Anyone thinks I might be scared of them How was last time you cried Rob? I cry all the time. That's filmability. Yeah, but not affront to people. Have you cried more since you become a dad?

Oh yeah, 100%. Yeah, it does fuck with you a bit. It's horrible, isn't it? Not anything to people? I make myself cry, though, as well. Like, I listen to sad songs in the car and then think about what I'm going to write for my dad's eulogy.

Fucking now. And then, like, you know, and that gets me going, and then I'm fine. Then I do that to myself and then I can just live normal life then without being... You got it out?

Yeah, I got it out. Have you got it down? Is it, what, tight ten? Yeah, yeah. Your dad's eulogy pre-written. I've got most of it in, yeah. You've got to leave this in case he does something like, like I assume he's never going to do anything remarkable now.

But if he does something... But you've got to leave gaps in case he achieves sort of more than the next 30 years. Well, 15, 20 years. It's locked in. Yeah, yeah. This is all funnier, by the way, when you remember that robbers spent a large portion of his life as a taxi driver,

like a black taxi driver as well. so he's just been sat in his car sometimes like crying away to the Chris Stapleton song writing down a eulogy and people just getting in the back on you are like yeah yeah no money you're like the fuck are you talking to

just tell me where you're going and shut the fuck up how dare you watch me that because you not think you're going to put like your fear of food onto the kids no I'm not allowed to no laura is putting in countermeasures

yeah you've got to yeah but you don't think they're going to start asking questions on Christmas Day when they're all having Christmas dinner and it's like why is that having nachos?

I think they're going to find out Do you not do you not eat Christmas dinner for your kids? No he has nachos on Christmas day It's not a

It's not a... I can't eat eat Christmas dinner And what do the kids getting out of that? I am Lord in my relationship My wife has

all of these fears and phobias but I'm a bully so like I make her so like we were in Gulliver's world the day

and I made to get on a roller coaster and like She had to teach the kids it's okay. No, because I couldn't fit on. So she had to get on with him. There's only one ride, though. So I was quite happy with myself because there's only one ride

whereas normally it'd be everything. His missus is going to be doing the skydive. So she went on it and she was, like, but only smaller gulliver's well, don't I think? Petrofire, yeah, but she's just, she, like, a fish finger's only small but Dan's not going to eat her. That's true.

It's spot on. But I'm saying, A fish finger's my gulliver's will. That's got to be the next, Dan, this is food. Fish finger butty. Oh, unbelievable. Fish fingers and tomato sauce.

Oh, fucking, you know. On, like, white wardens with loiter butter butter. Yeah, it's getting better. Oh, this actually sounds all right. You're not nice fishing your butties, like. No, I don't. So, yeah, I get it. You can't eat roast dinners.

Like, you can't, like, it's impossible. I mean, I can chew it and have the worst time ever. Or they can just eat the roast dinner like they want to, and I can just sit there like a fact about eating nachos. What? Who's losing here? The kids. Like, I, yeah.

What are they losing? What are they losing? A role model. Faith in their father? Respect for the dad. I can't even look at you, you nacho eating bastard. You've ruined another Christmas.

They're just made up with a pig for now. For now. They are now because they're fucking stupid kids. Yeah, when they're 18 down. To when they're 14 and your dad has nachos and Christmas. Imagine bringing the boyfriend.

Army boyfriend's coming for Christmas dinner and he's like, why's your daddy machos on a different table? Hey, he's banged my daughter. He can fuck off. Whoa, how'd you know what was that? Okay. He's banged my daughter.

in my trans son. No, but there's... You can still be your boyfriend. Yeah, you can just be bad with your son. Just be gay. He's eating Christmas dinner with Etta and Lauren, Jack, Jack's older as well. And you're in the other room

eating nachos. It is... Why am I in the other room? Why have you put me in the other room? Yeah, I think that's where it's a wrenching. Are you on the table? Are you on the same table? Oh, I...

Yeah, sometimes. No, you're right. I am on... I'm in the other room. On Christmas Day? Yeah. You don't have dinner with your kids on Christmas Day?

I have done in the past. Let's see that is bad, that way. Role model. Do you not have a fear, though, that if you die and Lorna moves on, they'll have a normal daddy with his Christmas dinner with them.

He won't be as fun. Yeah, but he's eating Christmas. They'll sit there going, you're not, you're not as fun as my dad. But, wow, look at you eating a roast. What if he is just funny? Look at him carving a tear.

What if he juggles? Juggling during Christmas dinner. Yeah. Or if it's Jim Carrey. Right. What he makes his own crackers and that? If I die and Laura, if Jim

It moves to Sorgle to marry Laura. She's a wonderful woman. It's possible. I'm weirdly, so sound with it. There is a bit of it where you're like, fair play, yeah, fair enough. But if it's Derek Chazora, I'm fuming.

I'm the other way to hand with that. That's not loaded. It's not. If you knew, by the way, or you missed that one reference a couple of weeks ago, that's not a race thing. It's not a race thing.

It's a Chisora thing. Derek, you're watching. You leave my wife alone after my death. You better not juggle, you cun. No, I don't, you want them to be, yeah, you're right. I want them to be a nice guy.

I want him to love Laura. Why are we doing this? Why am I dead? I want him to be sound to the kids, but then be like, ah, yeah, Dave's all right. But my dad was well better. Look at him, the boring cunt,

eating what weary in at Christmas. That dad was a maverick, mate. The thing is, though, with nachos in the pantry. Oh. The Christmas did anything, no. Like, you could eat just without the gravy, couldn't you? Like, you're not a big fan of gravy,

but roast potatoes are just big chips. You like meat. I'll be honest, it doesn't suit the narrative of the pod, but the last couple of Christmases, Laura's made a meat that I like, and I've had parsnips, and I've had, like, a mini roast, and I put it online, and everyone's like...

Oh, that makes me so proud, that, though. Yeah, growth. It's because of Adam. It's because we did it as a Christmas thing. I just say it's for the kids, Dan. That's what I was proud of. I was made up, because you're like... Oh, sorry.

doing this for the kids. I'm doing it for Zoe's place. I raise eight grand every Christmas. No, it's because we did a Christmas meal together and Adam went insane and looked angry and then what comes out is a really good Christmas dinner. But it was, what's the meat's pork? Garmin. Garmin, Gammon. Big bacon.

Honey? I'm doing a sugar-plit bacon rack this Christmas. You dirty bitch. Yeah. Right, see, that is the Christmas dinner. Because that's just like sugary fat bacon, isn't it? Gammett. Yeah. So I have a bit of that and a parsnips. One of the other things. Pettos? Roos potatoes.

Carrots. No. Carrot and turner. Don't trust the carrot. Carrot and turner. I like can't and turnip. Go through the other Christmas dinner thing. Stuffing.

Pigs and blankets. Pigs and blankets. Yorkes. Numb, numb. What about carrot and ternet mash? That's cheating in it. Sweet potato mash we have sometimes.

cauliflower cheese? I'll be all over that. Why am I part of a sweet potato mash on my Christmas dinner? Nandoz used to do a sweet potato mash and it was sweet. Get emotional. Sweet. I got win. So, so.

I like that have menus for you. The banter is that I do natural. at Christmas but I've moved to like boxing day I'm proud yeah what else she's scared of though

except from like normal food that I'm worried about putting on on my kids because I think being scared of the sea obviously you don't want to give them

like a fucking phobia of it but I want my kids to be a bit wary because you can't drown in your living room no you can't but like I feel like

like it looks fun when so they could jump off a boat and like plays mermaids and like I wish I could do that so were you not getting a sea whatsoever

no I'll walk out from the beach because I'm in control. I can just walk back in again. But I won't jump into the middle of the ocean, no. Why? Because there's things under my feet that I can't control. Sharks are monsters, isn't it? Yeah, but there's monsters and bootle. I have to walk around there. Oh, sorry, but they know you. You're one of them. Yeah, exactly.

No, but that's what I mean. Yeah, I just think, yeah. I just don't want my kid, if I have kids or whatever, to be like, oh, dad's scared of that. Oh, that is scary because I'm wasting. Yeah, well, I worry about that. I worry about putting things on them. That's what I'm saying? Like, like, I force, like, like, like, when I thought he and then I have to catch myself remind me of his age and all that because I'm ready to fucking

hey get over here you're moving too much and working too hard for the team we don't do that in our house put your ass in get your ass in and get your touchdown that's all you need son is this what you do

what's the chat with Rob can play football on a deck chair and he's proud of himself I'll control anything you fire at me as fast as you want but you can't get the ball You have to run round

It's facing the other way It's like trying to get the ball off Like the radio city tower Like there's so much of them to go around If he just does this Yeah It adds to half a mile to your trip It's like we're around the tree

But like I'll control anything But I just I won't as long But it needs to be to me If it's half a foot either side Then go fuck yourself Like But you can hit it at me

As hard as you want But if it's half a foot If at you side go fuck yourself Is he playing foot it yet? So we start to go off a foot either side, then go fuck yourself. I had to go and, like, say, go some footy stuff now. So, you've got to be, like, the fucking... Yeah, I will have to, honestly...

So I've always had the thing with my dad was a cunt. When I was at footy, like, he was horrible, yeah. And it wasn't... That made him sound bad. As in like, he was, he read to... It didn't make him sound bad when you call him a cunt, yeah? Yeah. But he didn't do this to me. The worst thing he ever done was he made me brother take his kit off

on the side of the pitch and walk back to the car and his undies across the field because he was playing so shit. That is old school Wow He once left me I can't remember how far away it was But he once left me And just to fend for myself

Getting home Because I'd ask the manager To tell him to shut up Because he was giving me that much abuse When I was playing the sidelines She'd just fucked off and drove home So I'm sure he knew One of the other parents would give me a lift

But he didn't ask anyone I just had to stand outside He could ask you that up to the manager And he went well fuck it then Not coming in my care You just, fuck him, I'm driving home when he joined home. Do you remember what happened

when you got home eventually? I think he'd gone to pub. And you're not going to do this to your lad now? It's there though, Carl. That's to be fair. Because like I said, he was only four and I'm looking and I'm going, fucking get involved with you.

You're fucking standing around and messing about with your bib and all that. And I'm just like, it bubbles. It honestly bubbles. And it's like, you have to stop it. You have to stop it. But I'm scared.

It's just, I can't. I think I'd be that on the side. and I'll be they're having to rain it in and I'd be like five. Yeah. At four, they're young though, aren't they for 40?

Like for organised 40? Like for a kickabout, fair enough. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Feels pretty young to be like, you're not tracking back. If they're good enough, they're old enough.

No, but you can just see them not trying. Yeah. And you're like, just fucking just fucking listen or something, will you? Like, get the cone off, you red?

What the fuck are we doing here? Like, I remember I did a handstand once or a cartwheel jaw during the match. Yeah. And my granddad was, so disgusted like I never did

anything like that ever again. I think I just did like a cartwheel while a match was on because the ball wasn't near me I used to have a sit down and go and he was fucking we know how do you he was like

don't ever do that ever again and I was like oh fuck and then I didn't you know what though he was right yeah yeah yeah but when you're the kid and you get bored because the ball's not near

yeah you're like I'll just you put a cone on me head or I'll all do a cartwheel or sit down or sit down He sounds like he's funny. He sounds like he's trying to be funny. My dad?

No, no, your dad sounds like... Oh, I mean, the thing is, oh, he's great, though,

he's a great dad. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's just, he's just, that's like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I feel back, he's like, he'll be on my own. He'll probably see this, but he was, he was a good dad, he was, he was a good,

no, but your kid, do you say his name or is it? No, no, you're, you're Bernard. Yeah,

yeah, yeah, Bernard, yeah. Little Bernie Thomas. Is he showing signs of being funny? Do you think he's got a comic in him? Yeah, he loves it. Little attention seeking prick, yeah.

Yeah. And it's just... How do you handle that, though? Because that's you, that's your fault, in it? Yeah, but I haven't done that, though. This is the weird thing. You know, like, when he... Like, I've not done anything

to encourage him to be like that. Really? I don't think so. You're not you in the house? No, no. I don't think so, no. he just seems to have it he's in it's got no fear of anything he's got no like woody or nerves he just fucking and he just loves messing about and like i think the opposite i think

i'm horrible because i'm like always tell him to stop messing about but then i'm like oh should i yeah he's got no respect for you telling him to stop messing about because he's like you mess about for the living yeah he's sort of like he knows i'm a clown he knows like i do jokes and he's like he come the arena went to the arena with paul and watch me yeah and like yeah yeah yeah that's a lot yeah that's a lot yeah that's a kill he come the arena he was in the crowd he's in a box yeah he got himself tickets

shit I need to be in a show as well I need some more guestless lads apparently the kids should be at the arena he wasn't meant to be what was meant to happen he was meant to be getting minded and then the person who was meant to mind them just just turned the phone off and we didn't see them just to clear up was it your dad

no no my dad was there as well it was the one time my dad's watched me do stand up the only time yeah well he come once with his mates and stayed in the bar. That was high risk as well because if you didn't have a good gig it'd make you walk back to the car

and your underpants. Walk home from the arena. Your dad came to see you and stayed in the bar. So remember when Hot Wars at Seale Street? Yeah. My dad was out with his mates and they wanted to see me.

So they come, the gig and Binti let them in because he looked at my dad and went, oh, you're clearly Rob Thomas's dad because we just looked the same. Yeah. And then his mates came in

and he stayed in the bar because he didn't want to sit down. I understand that. Because it's gay sitting down, so. Hell yeah. so you wonder where I get it from like he didn't want to sit down so he stayed in the outside part

his mates come and watch me do you stand up it's sick your baby watching you an arena though that's cool it is I've got the best photo ever from it like so I got a box for the family and a couple of having a few mates and because we got let down babysitter him and my wife was always coming

he just come with us in the green room and then before went on he went up to the box and just sat and watched it from the box You should bring the kids to you in. Yeah. Are you okay with hearing the things they're going to say? Oh, yeah. I mean, what problem could a parent have

watching Adam Rowe do stand up for 20 minutes? I mean, in fact, I've just remembered what are, yeah. They can't watch the first half. I've just remembered what material I'm doing at the moment. There's no way. Just change it? Oh, yeah, I'll do the kid-friendly stuff. You can sit in the bar?

The first bit. Put headphones on them. Like Brian Regan. Will he understand this? And they'll not only think you're brilliant. I walk on them movie. He's a bit harder sickly. Would they understand, Jeff?

Yeah, because, like, he was three and a half, so you hadn't got a clue what I was saying. Yeah, Etta will be nearly nine. Yeah, she's, she's, you've hung out with her. She'll get everything. Jack Wong. Yeah. Yeah, it's difficult to tell the kid not to swear

and then bring them to a Have a Word podcast live show and be like, yeah, listen, this is, don't repeat any of this. Well, just take them and get them to get off. Just do the hellos and then get off. Yeah. My box is going to be wild for this arena. It has.

Because my lad only watched me, didn't have a clue what was going on. And then she just took him home. She didn't watch Paul. Oh, God. She doesn't like Paul. He said, crowd works bit lazy. It would be cool to say to Jack

that he watched you in an arena, even if it is for him just a little bit. I'm just going to hope that we're doing arenas when he's an age where he can be at that show. I'm made up just for the photo. Do you want to see the photo? The photos. We all slide it in.

You can't slide it in, but... No, we can't blade his face, surely. It's the back, so you can't see. Oh, I see. You see me? That's really nice. Yeah. Is that your misses?

The back of it, yeah. A lovely back. She has here. Fucking out. Who she has? Lovely all been here. Oh, yeah, my family box is now going to be well. It's Uncle Robert and my two kids.

By the way, boxes are on sale. They don't even do that. If you wanted to come to the arena, you can get boxes. They sell them in big groups and you can also get them in tickets of two. It's worth it as well because you get your own barman. Yep.

And they go and get all your drinks for you. Yeah, we got stuck in a box at Gillis, and that was a treat. So sign up to the MNS Mancarina's thing, and you can get a box. There's obviously not loads. So there's loadsies and you want to prop a night out. Boxers are available.

it was funny, I went to the box after I've been on and asked for a whiskey and he said, oh, I'm sorry, we can't, we don't do spirits. And I was like, oh, why's like, oh, in case you kick off. Then I had to get a photo of me just being on the stage off me, mate, to show the bar, to show this fella to get, and he went, oh, all right, then you'll get you on. And I was like, I can't believe what to do that.

You're like, listen, mate, the only way I'm going to kick off is if I don't get a whiskey. I've just been on the stage. And you're like, which is also, you know Sam Jay Did she do this when she come over? No, she wasn't to, but she cancelled it. Well, she was at Hot Water and also

she comes to Hot Water to do a gig and the bouncers just like, ah yeah, it's up there and then because we're there so regularly they just sort of think we're staff even though we're not. And they're like, Rob, you tell her where to go? I was like, yeah, yeah.

And she walked upstairs and just walked past me and went to the only other black person who worked at the club and started talking to them and I was like, all right, fair enough. When you say other black person, do you include yourself in that?

no no it's just as soon everyone knew she was black um so she just went and spoke to the other black person i was like that's fair enough i understand that and then she went to go to the bar and then i went to go to i went oh she doesn't need to pay for that to the member of staff assuming they'd know who was but there was such as hen of her staff that she didn't have a clue what was either so now it's just here trying to buy a drink and the bar made trying to give her the drink and just some some fat white man jumping in going she doesn't need to pay for that girl you know and she's going, all I need to be to manage

I'm like, no, no, I'll sort that with Binty, it sounds, she's on, she doesn't need to pay for that. And I'm thinking being welcoming and this girl's on a second shift, shit in herself. Like, does know what to do. She's like,

she's like, but I wasn't buying it. I was like, she doesn't need to pay for it. At no point was I, like, I'll pay for it. I was like, she doesn't need to pay for that. And she's, the girl's just panicking and the whole time,

there's a painting on me on the wall, and I was just dying to point of it and go. Oh, God. But I've seen nose paintings and they're not very accurate out of it. You're not Tony Cattle. You're about four stone lighter than that guy. Just like just making the cunt of myself.

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gambling or someone close to you, please contact ConX Ontario at 1866-531-260 to speak to an advisor free of charge. Bet MGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with Eye Gaming, Ontario. Right. You talked that up then? Yeah. Welcome back to this Have a Word podcast. Having a great time here with our friend and colleague,

Robert Thomas. Okay. Nice top. A little jacket. It's a shacket, isn't it? Is it? Has it got pockets on the side? Has it got these pockets?

Oh, it's a shacket. It's a shirt. It's an overshirt. It's a shacket. It's an overshirt. I think the breast pockets would make it more of a shacket. Do you know what? Let's not getting the weeds.

I'll take the compliment. Thank you. It's not a shirt. Is it? It has to have these pockets To be a jacket To be a jacket To be a jacket of any kind

Yeah Alright cool I get a pad noise For the audio listeners I look fucking great I get pad noise What wearing over shirts Why

Fat guns wearing to look less fat Don't he So Yeah I think people You look lovely Dan But But I think people look at me

Going He's Ah There's a fat We're trying to look Less fat Whereas you'd rather Just be

Fat Fat Yeah like Yeah like say I don't want them To know I'm vulnerable enough

To be insecure About being fat so I just drive him but just have a tight t-shirt and look that fat on and go yeah yeah yeah and I fucking owns it are you scared of getting really fit

because then people know that you used to be fat and now you fit so you cared when you were fat maybe that is definitely that's that's like if you got ripped

people are like you're looking good but yeah they know I gave a fuck about getting in shape now yeah that does scare me a little bit it's the same with caps where you've always been Catman, when you went bald, I can't wear hats

because I think people are going to look at me going, he's in to go about being bolder. Do you look good in caps? Yeah, I do shoot hats, yeah. Why are you so scared about what everyone thinks, Rob? Because I'm scared of being vulnerable. Why are you scared of the sea, Carl? Because you could drown or get eaten by a big fish. Yeah, well, someone might think I'm gay, so...

That's his big fish. Homophobia is his shock. I'd rather, I'd rather suck a cock than someone called me gay. Wow. get that though yeah that's a really

like I've won games of gay chicken by sucking cock you will win the game never gone that far but I'm the winner yeah

I'm not gay who's cock's this Kevin Nolan's um have you got any executive orders yeah yeah I've got two um

one that I'm very very serious about I know it's a comedy podcast but I genuinely I hope Keir Stahmer's listening and take this on board I think most of the country's

going to hate it but for the greater good I think everyone should get on board and another one it's controversial but I got my first one I think one house per

one car per household fuck off how would that work you have one car per household okay so Mike now Seneca's in work

yeah where's her car in work exactly doing fuck all what you mean how would you get home you don't need two cars in your house how would she get home from work

you go and pick her up but I'm in work but you live 20 minutes away not from where she works no but you live 20 minutes away from this work I live even closer than that

right Rob I think here is his question right yeah Carl lives here yeah it's 20 minutes for him to get here yeah it's 20 minutes

in the opposite direction yeah for his wife to go to wear neither of them need to take the car then do they why

lives at the end, she lives on, off a motorway, works off a motorway, like... Then she takes the car and you walk to work, or you get the bus to work, or the train to work, you, like, you don't, you both need a car, and also... Don't you own several taxis? Well, that's the...

Work and vehicles are in terms. So what if... Work and vehicles are exempts. You allowed shiny vans for electricians and things like that. What if she goes on a Saturday, she drives home to see her mum? Yeah. Which is, you know, at the end of a motorway. Yeah. And then I want to do something, like,

do a shop. Well, you're one, you can get more way for taxis. No, one, you can order. You can order your shop online. Two, you can... I want to go and see my mum. You can go get a taxi to your mum's. Why? Why? Public transport would be... Well, again, you've got to think long term, public transport's going to be

incredibly better because there'll be so much more demand for it, more money going through it. It'll bring back communities. Communities have been killed by the big shop. As there, Tesco, I've killed local butchers, local green grocers. That's like 40 years ago? Yeah, but because you've got a car, you can shoot the ASTA. So because I've got a car, there's a bunch of who's got no money.

And the rare time you're allowed to use your car, less traffic. Exactly. And there's another thing, right, and this is this, it starts off with this and it's expanded. They've killed Kirby. Who? When's the last time you've seen a kid playing Kirby? Do you know why? I thought he meant to play.

I thought you meant to play. No. Do you know why? Too many cars. No, cars are parked on the caves? Yeah, exactly. Because there's no caves left. Kids don't play in the street because you used to look.

you looked out, you when you lived in the West Derby, if your dad looked out your out of his house, he'd see where you were most of the time. Now he'd just see a load of cars and he wouldn't be able to see his kids anymore. And now he'd be less willing to let you play out. And for them days are gone, people aren't letting the kids play out

because there's too many cars. They can't see them. There's too many cars on the road, so it's not as safe anymore. Your job's in a car. One car pay household. And it'll bring back communities because butchers,

you'll pay an extra two-part. Between the butchers? Because you'd pay an extra par for steak. I'm not going to cut. I'm not going to fucking butchers. You would walk the butcher top of the road. There's no but there would be because there'd be a demand for it. I wish there was a butcher's, to be fair. On the heightened lane, there isn't a butcher's.

There should be. They should tell people where he lives. What, no, there's so many, what do you mean? If you couldn't just nip the ASDA and you'd have to go to shop, like a butchers or a greengrocers, you would then be willing to pay the extra money that it takes for them to be open and for the convenience. I'd drive the butchers.

But you wouldn't know because you've only got one car but household so your car wouldn't be there because Seneca's seen her mar Okay then so what happens if you and your wife have got one car

and she's maybe gone to see her partner whatever and you want to take your lad to I don't know a theme park for the weekend Well the first thing we do is go What are you doing today What am I doing today

And I take presents Because I've got the lad But then there's arguments over Who takes the car Well I've got the lad So I take the car There's two of us, two to one. How does she get to her parents?

Taxi, bus, walk. There's loads of the option. You don't need. You don't need the car. Can I ask a question? Is there parking difficulties where you live? No, I've got to drive for me. She parks off onto the house,

but over the road does have four cars in one household and it does wire me off. So is this because you ate them? No, this aren't. But I just think it's been community, but I think that's the problem. I actually, I think this is quite a well, reasoned argument.

You know, I agree with them. No, but the issues are causes. More money and what issues, the issues cause. I'm a selfish, lazy bastard. And I want what I want. Unless this is the problem. That's the issue. The issue is selfishness.

Rob, is there any way that this executive order can have a, an amendment where it's two cars by household? Because what you're fighting against is the five car household. And I've winged about three, four doors down at one point, they had five cars. And I winged about it on here. and I've never been forgiven by one listener who has referenced it several times

and I haven't seen it for a while and I think it's because he hates him so much he's stopped listening. Well, fuck him. Like he, I think, I think when it looks like a used car lot on the front, that's when it gets... But you know, the argument for self-driving cars

is this, that you don't need, that every household only needs one car really. Because what has happened is when Sederker goes to work, she takes the car to work, sends it back home to pick you up. And then you take it to work. Oh my God, that is the future. For the self-driving car.

Hold on, let me finish. And then, not even just the household, your nan could then use that car because while you're here, well, if she wasn't dead. But, like, yeah, that your nan could use that car while you're here, sort of thing. But my argument is, that could just happen if people weren't lazy, selfish and entitled.

Okay, so what happens if when your leg grows up and he's still at yours, 16, 17, 18, can he get a car? No, he can use the family car. But you're at work or your wife, what's he meant to do? Organised, talk to each other. by the way you know three is now vying for one car

do you know where my house cold car is now sat outside my wife's work where she could get the train to work on back easy I'm saying what if you had a third person what happens when your lad is old enough to have a car is he now vying for family car no we just organise each other who gets the car you're all in work on a Monday who gets her

whoever needs it the most he works a camelades he's built himself a car then can't he he's building both I think what I think two is the one There's seven people in my else. Two is just because it affects you. But if you think about it really, you don't need a car.

I am the main driver. Sereka doesn't need the car then? Yeah, but you are in here, to be fair. Carl, your argument is you want to drive here, but it's a 10-minute drive and you're here all day. You could get the bus here and it would take your... You could get a scooter. Get one of them scooters. They're great.

No, they're not great. They're ISO. I put Wallace on the back of a day. You could get the bus for Wallace. You can't get a can't get a can for Wallace. instead of taking you 15 minutes to get to work or 20 minutes take you half an hour yeah but then I'm the big shop guy

I do the big shop then you take the car when you take the car she's in work you just don't do the big shop when she's in work just drop it off I won't no it's just laziness you're lazy you're the taxi driving

I'm not I'm not I'm not but I'm saying I'm not but I'm saying the thing is we we've got to a point in society where it's like people opt out to the collective what's good for the collective because it's easier for them and that's one of the things people are having more cars

oh well it's better for me to have more cars so I'm opting out to the collective what's better for the collective is to have less cars more public space more public space more demand for local shops and stuff like that what you're forgetting is that you'll all be hanging out down at the butcher's and it'll be worth it

don't have any work don't have on the fucking butchers the barricer won't have seen Cereka won't have seen a mum for months but you'll be playing backgammon at the butchers. Like Starbucks every third bill there's a fucking butchers. Just open a butcher's?

There's a butchers by mine. There's no butchers by ours and that does annoy me. I wish there was more local and maybe you're right here. I do wish there was more local produce. Because people don't want to pay the extra two pounds. It costs for the sale. It is a on White and Lane on a Sunday I think it is. There's a local

farmer's market. It's the last Sunday of every month. There you go. The butcher's He drives there. You're not buying your meat once every four weeks, surely. You're your fresh meat. I like my car.

I know, but it's not better for the greater good. You're going to fuck your car off then? Which one? The working vehicle. Oh, the working vehicle is no. By the way, I'm already doing this. I'm already a one car I was sold.

It's so good. You are? I've always said this is what you. You think about everyone else first. I do. For your partner drive? She says she can. Never seen it.

But the government, the government disagree. Because she's not passed the test. So, where can cars are exempt? Yeah. Okay, then everyone just gets around. Carl's taking this so personally. I love it when he does this. He digs his heels.

I knew, to be, I knew coming into this, it'd be Carl, as lovely as he is, is also very much. I'm doing no arm, so it's fine. I am doing arm, my car's awful. I am doing arm, by being out of the collector. I do 11 miles to the gallon in my car.

I've probably killed so many people, but I like it. In the car? No, like, in the environment. Oh, right. Jesus Christ. You need this word that. Just get a lechy bike on a lecky scooter or something.

Do you get a fucking lecky bike? I would love one. Yeah, but they stop like a cunt on a lechy bag. I just don't want to shed. They stop working in people though. They stop, we tried to ride them home and it just, yeah, it starts dying.

I won't go to Kerkdale. It stops at Kirkdale. Oh, the, oh, really, yeah. By the way, I'd be absolutely fuming with a one car household. This really does, this would cause so an issue.

Yeah. Is she? Yeah. And I think that is that. Why would you be fuming just because it's a total pain on the fucking ass. But it's funny just playing devil's advocate because Carl's dead annoyed.

I don't think it isn't pain in the ass. I think it's just a pain in the ass because you've been used to the ease of having two cars. Oh, okay, that's what I meant. I meant it's well easier having two cars. So I go, I'm going to go to where I want to go and she doesn't have to go,

no, I need to go to the, you know. Yeah. Butchers. I want to go to the butchers today while I'm going. Yeah, I have to, so I do do this. But again, there's so much more money in the economy. There's more meat.

I, I woke up. You're paying less tax. I woke up too. was earlier than I had to today to take my missus to work. Because we're at one car household. Yeah. Because I took her to work. And was it a massive issue? No. Exactly. And...

Because she lives near where he works. I mean, she works where he works. What? Well, he said he got up two hours early. He's not... He hasn't went to work two hours earlier. Did you go home? No? You just stayed in town? So he basically just went to work early? Yeah. But what if she wanted to go to, like, I don't know? Rotherham? Yeah, she's always in Rotherham.

Like, an away game or something? And she worked, like, in Wiggin? I've drove her to Wiggin this morning, yeah, and then drove him to work. Rotherham's too far. Rotherham is too far, yeah. Can you come pick me up? So right now, I imagine your wife's in work.

Yeah. So what happens if she went, Rob, don't take the car today, I'm in work. What would you do? I'd say, okay. What if you were gigging in, like, Rotherham? You get the train. What would you take precedent there?

Because your work's better. Well, no, Rotherham's busy, isn't it? She can get to her work easier than I can to Rotherham. So I would take the car. but also I work of a night so she'd be back in time for me to go also Carl, he's an executive order it's passed. I know, it just annoyed me.

Hannah White says, I've got an executive order for you. Oh, I had one more. Oh, you can we come back to I would amend the spelling of Wednesday to Wednesday. So instead of how Wednesday's spell, she wants to change it to W-E-N-S-D-A-Y Wednesday. If you're going to change the spelling of stuff, change the ones that are hard like Blamonge or whatever or fucking

how often she used the word Blamanche. What's, what's the, the patricotio a little bit, restaurant. Yeah, I struggle with restaurant. Necessary. Rest day, I never get necessary.

Wednesday's the easiest one because it's Wednesday. It's so easy to remember. Isn't restaurant French anyway? Restaurant. It is if you say it in that accent. So just, just, just, just, R-E-S-T.

Just make our own one off. And then Wednesday. But it's your Wednesday's named after that because it's after the first, famous person, isn't it? On the days, when's after, like, a bit like the month's, like,

July. Julius season now. So just know your history. Thursday's Thor's Day, yeah, Wednesday's named after Odin. Oh, they found that up. Because it was in, it used to be Woden. Yeah, so all she needs to do is know

a history. She's a fucking toffee, mate. Get the kitchen roll. Mix it out and go, whoa. All right, you know, my favourite thing with Everton fans. There we go on. It'll be something good, this. No, it is.

I think we discussed this before, actually, is that because I've completed football. I really want Evanton to be successful. And Evanant fans hate that more than anything. Yeah, they really do. I don't hate that. They see it as patronising. I don't see it as patronising.

Because I want it as well. Yeah, well, most Evertonians are like, fuck off, you can't just be, yeah, you don't really. I'm like, no, I genuinely. Hate us, please, because it validates that hitchin of you. I genuinely want you to have a good time. I just think no matter what you win,

you're still talking about us. Yeah. What's you mean? I'm saying, we are relevant because you're still talking about us, don't you? You're still talking about us. Yeah, because they live with you and work with you. Yeah.

I don't talk about Harry. That's our lass. You'd never talk about Harry. What would it take for Liverpool fans to be like, right, these are pissing me off now. Like taking leagues off you. Taking leagues off you regularly. When we were in school, me and Adam,

it was close, obviously much closer now. Like whenever we're madly getting fourth and fifth and stuff and we finished above them a couple of seasons. It was actually like... Yeah, I don't... Still, see what I mean? I don't think we'd have to... I don't think going for leagues.

I think it'd have to be both shit. no way if we were both shit if if if you had a 92 point season you were like for the second season in the row fucking everton have won it by a point like but I don't give a fuck about

like that way about city now because we'll win one and then they'll win one so I don't care but if we were both shit vying for like seven for eight like oh they got your open league this year and not us that would I think that would be that's more possible as well

yeah than going for going for glory Kerris Max says Executive Order Songs should be two and a half minutes long Max don't need five minute long songs

that just repeat the same three times I guarantee you she's thick I hate short songs I hate short songs She's what Fit or thick Stupid Probably fit as well like

Yeah I do you sort of agree with it I guarantee She's stupid Next What do you think about songs that are like nine American pie

Yeah What do you think about those All too right Because like I like American pie but you don't want to sit through nine and a half minutes Oh, you could absolutely do the abridged version of American Pie and still be like it's a classic

Like Taylor's version of the song or 12 minutes All too well, banga Yeah It doesn't feel like a 10 minutes song It's a story in her She's going to... If there's a story, too, I get it But that's because we're into cowboy songs, aren't we?

Yeah, but... Is that what you call them now? No, no, that's a different genre. I got him into cowboy songs as well. Yeah, like the boy named, my name Sue or whatever. Yeah, the boy named Sue, like Marty Robbins and like... And we don't start one where he fiddles with the devil.

Yeah. But like, I do agree. I don't think songs should be wrong to the bad three months. The boy names too and the guy who fiddled with the devil. Who's the one with the fiddle? Oh, cowboy songs. It does sound like a cowboy songs.

Yeah, he plays the fiddle against the devil. Four minutes. Four minutes. I like a four minute song. In my head, songs are three minutes. Like if I've, but they're a little bit over three minutes. In my head, if I'm on a treadmill and I know I've got ten minutes left of like my work I was having like three songs

just three more songs just listen to three songs and you're done I do that for a shower yeah I do that for a shower I pick out five songs and I go that's my shower 15 minutes showers no but you know

if you got to the third song you're washed he just stands in the rest yeah my last two are sad ones like and I let the water drain down my face and I sing and it's like it gets emotional

you're being vulnerable yeah yeah yeah like bit of whiskey and you're either way or something like that just like crying about having a breakup even thinking of all the butchers that I know with the same yeah crying to a boy name Sue that's so emotional

he's sad cowboys jealous by labrin for did you have another executive order yeah the next one's controversial though well the first one wasn't so the first one's for the greater good and if you actually think about it

it's for build betterment society the second one is all disabilities have to be visual like if you're all getting on the plane before me I want to know why that's not visual he could just tell you yeah but I don't want to have to ask

I want to be able to see obviously what's wrong with them at all times no I just like well basically what happened was coming back from Turkey and we were all they done the gate thing and we rushed to get to the gate

and you got to wait another half an hour which I ate the way airport to eat like cattle but like um so i'm sitting there waiting to go on waiting to go on the plane and this family of five gets on like three land yards between the five of them and they get on the plane first families get on first anyway to make your life easy no no no no this was like get on the plane before anyone it should be one land yard per family that's what you think statistically like 60% he can't have land yards like go on keep going to keep on anyway so they get on first yeah going to play first for anyone

because they need assistance getting on fair play fine with that don't have a problem didn't know why they got on first like don't have a problem but then

when the plane gets off they're meant to wait aren't he so everyone gets off and then they get assistance getting off but they just got off with everyone

because they didn't want to wait and that's when I was a bit like hold on I know not all disabilities are visible but I can see you taking the piss so I wasn't happy

if that's not in the trailer by the way I was, I was so at that point I was like, I was fucking few. So you were like, what's wrong with them? No, I wanted to go. You justify why you got off with all of us, but you couldn't get on with all of us.

Okay, then what if they say we've all got AIDS? But then, why, why have you given us all AIDS? Now we've got to get a Lanyard. You should. You don't get a Lanyard for AIDS. You got a rainbow one. What's a non-visible disability that you would accept? So I've got epilepsy.

Yeah. Do I get on? No. Why not? Why? Why do you need to get on the plane before me? Because light to me, you go all stupid? But they don't make me go stupid?

It's sleep for them. You know when you get on? And if I see you're having a fifth. I go, yeah, go on, you can get on. All right. You get on, you're having a bit of... If I see you having a fit waiting for the playing, I go, get him on first.

Death? He needs it, what? Deaf people? Yeah, because you can hear them and you can see them. You can hear them? What do you mean? You can hear them?

Have you heard the deaf person talk? You know the deaf. That won't be single. Have you know where this is his third trip And you bite on fucking everything Every time Rob's here You're just fucking podcasting you bite, bite, bite Oh my God

To boil down epilepsy like that is so unbelievable I'm saying it is don't win it Wash, wash, wash Oh, he's got operatic What about that means you should get on first But that's not me What do you mean? What have you got them?

He doesn't use this as a reason to get on there Yeah, I'm not, I'm not flashy. Also, I don't, my dad wants me to get a lanyard, and I said, Okay, so tell me what your epilepsy does. How does it affect your life ever? Sleep? Okay, Larry Manson to himself, sometimes I'm a bit spacky. Last week.

Yeah, yeah, last week I was a bit... If you get stressed, then people are shouted at you. Yeah, but how does that manifest? What happens? Why do you need to go on a plane first? Yeah. I mean, to be fair, I'm not trying to go on the plane. So, like, if I get tired...

Yeah, because you're a respectable young man. I get a bit, like, like, like that. Or sometimes if I'm in bed, I'll just, like, do that. You know, I do that. That's not epilepsy. That's just being anxious. If I was on a plane next meeting, you went like that,

I would go, fuck, what the fuck. Yeah, exactly. Give me the land yard. I'm getting on the plane first. Also, like, if life deals, you're a bit of a shit hand. But also, if you do that,

I can see, you're not right, do you know what I mean? Yeah. So your disability's visual then. Harry, I'm not saying that if they come up to you and go, hey, hey, you got a bit of fucking epilepsy there,

but do you want to get on first? If they've done that to me, if they come over to me and was like, hey, see that lazy eye, do you want to get on first? You better believe I'm taking it. What I'm saying is... I can see your lazy eye, though,

so technically that works from my... It's not a disability. That works from my sex of order. Like, if I got offered it, I'd take it. Absolutely. I'm not saying you shouldn't take it. What I'm saying is, it shouldn't be offered to you.

There's no reason that your epilepsy means you can't queue up with everyone else. It needs to rest. What about... If you've got, like, no legs or your legs don't wear... It's a weird time of epilepsy.

Then, yeah, get on the plane first and let's help people. out? Anxiety? No? We're all anxious. You know, I don't believe in that. But what happens if there's, like, they don't like being, like,

to them, like, getting on the plane when everyone's there, like, kicks them off, and they're like, I just want to be on for it. I've got that. I've got that. Just get on last then. I've got the anxiety where I don't like queuing. Get me a landlord. I'm not saying I've ever felt this, but there's probably some people don't like that situation.

Cool. Well, then don't fly. Stay in your house. I mean, fuck off. Surely I rank above them. Yeah. My brothers. But also, that's not a disability, is it? Anxiety is not a disability. That's a disability. That's a parent's failure.

But it had manifest in a way that would mean they were less able to do things than you. So my brother's got type 1 diabetes. Yeah. So when we go to like Alton Towers, we don't queue the whole family. Oh my God. Because he can't. Against someone throws a lollie eyes. The only place he shouldn't have to queue is for the donuts.

Again, you don't know. Again, you're boiling down diabetes into something mad. What do you mean? Why don't you cute in taste? So what is it? Well, so he, because his sugar needs to be regulated, so we can't just stay in the queue the entire time because then if he crashes,

he'd have to leave the queue and they're not being the queue. Well, he should have a snickers in his pocket. He doesn't like that all goes to shit. How does he regulate his sugar? Insulin, surely? Yes, we as a pump on him. Yeah, so why can't he carry the pump in the queue? Uh, well, the pump's just, just does it for him, to be fair.

So what's stopping in cue? So why does he need to knock you? Why? Because I don't want to wait to go nemesis, do I mean? Fucking, give me a breather. Bsies, man, so you can go first on the fucking log flume. Again, though, if life deals you a shit and, you should be able to go on, like, Rita Queen of Speed. Yeah, but I'm not, again, what, I'm so,

I'm not really arguing that you shouldn't take advantage of it, but you wouldn't be able to take advantage of it in my exter order. Yeah, unless you went, pump there, mate. Will I go, go ahead. What about in, so when I was in America, the, before disability and before, first class. For disability?

Yeah, before, uh, long time ago, that. The army went on first. If you were like a veteran, they'd be like, everyone clapped for the veterans. That's got nothing to do with my executive order. No,

but what do you think about that though? There was a great Bill Bear bit about this. So the tour that he did, which became Paper Tiger, there was a bit on that tour that was my favourite bit of his whole hour and I've seen it four times and it was fucking class.

And they cut it out the special. And I asked them why they cut it out and he said it was the only bit in the special that wasn't about me. so it lifted out to make it a more sort of rounded hour we cut that bit out

and his whole bit was like the veterans getting on the plane first like I should get to know what they did in the war it's like if they saw action if they were on the front line then let him on the plane

but if you were the guy who was like on the boat who pointed the way the plane it was like the war is dead away like you're not getting on before me like you use being a parent as a disability to get on the plane first? Because that's a very used

one, isn't it? Well, they have separate cues for families, yeah. No, but like they're bored at first, aren't they? Not anymore, no, not really. No, no, that's... I mean, last week I'll literally watch that. Just with babies. You just get through, you just get through the airport quicker. You don't really get... Why is that? Why's you get through the airport quicker? Well, it's not

actually quicker, it's just separate. No, it's slower. Yeah, it's slower. Because at Palmer Airport, we got there, and you can't use the computerized... Yeah. Passport control. You have a... You can't You can't do kids go on first on a fam, like when you find some New Yorker in school holidays, that'd be the whole queue.

No, no, but last week I flew and family's got on first. As in like if you've got a child with you, obviously, maybe under age of six, whatever, they got on first. That might just be because the pain's in the ass to be behind. Because like you said, the family line's longer.

You get in the family line of security, you're waiting for every cunt to do the pram down and you're sitting there for a few young and go and just fucking put the plan for stuff. What? No, they're having to put it. down to put a few security and you're there going you knew this was coming

so you know my energy someone described my energy and my whole personality as being a dad at the airport and that's been me my whole life but if you go to the airport with me I am that's where I shine I'm efficient as fuck but it's easy

I hate people who can't like I said this couple of weeks ago I don't know if it was on here or like to me there should be three lines at the airport it should be like Like, I've been here before and I know what I'm doing. Yeah. It should be, I've never been, so I'm an idiot.

And the other one should just be, I'm an idiot anyway. Yeah, yeah. Like, I've been loads, but I still am a fucking... And who decides? Is there a guy just going, you? You? You? But if you get in the line of, I know what I'm doing,

and you even slow it down for a second for everyone else. Shot. Shot in the head. You can sell, because you can say, where have they got the little plazzy bag in their hand while queuing? And if they haven't, you go, you're going to be a pain the ass. And if they've got one of them, having gone.

already check the big bag in, they should get shot as well. Yeah, I agree. I don't even take them because it slows me down. I just robbed them from boots while I'm in the airport. Rob what? Like,

like, you always go to Benadorn, which I do. Yeah. deodorant, shower, gel, toothpaste and that. I won't take that with me. You don't pay for it, though? Not to stop your shoplifting. It's the easiest place

to shoplift in the world, airports. It is right. It's so easy. It's like... Four pairs of Rayban. Holds a perfume. I have to shave every time. Every time.

A tester or... Oh no, just... You're over cheaper version, so it's not security tagged. He's pick it up, walk out. Obviously, this is all parody. It's a comedy podcast. Oh, yeah, it's a comedy podcast.

And it's just jokes, but I've... I've never paid for the thing, you know. I just want to have pint, mate. Pay for that, obviously. Pay for that, obviously. Pay for pints and that. You're all inclusive, isn't it? What about to the services? What about to the services?

Are the services? Service station. Pretty similar, isn't it? Similar environment. Well, I'm... You're pleading the fifth? I don't like stopping the services, but if I do stop,

I have been known to just... What if you were at like a Zara than Turkey? That's so, sure. Well, what if you were at like a czar and intake? Order, order. Not that stupid. No, no, no. They're well renowned for having high security in the places like that.

Order. Order. More? That's the end of the end of the podcast, ladies and dads. Thanks for coming on, Robert. No problem. Where can we find you? And the, on your podcast?

find me Rob Thomas comedy podcast other one podcast things promote Adam Rowan friends and be on lots of them Paul Smith's tour

I'll be doing a bit of that Troy Hawke's store I'll be doing a bit of that so yeah if you want to find me any one of them nice three that'll find

you'll find me there have we got a song Harry Finn didn't leave me one but what's your favourite change us by Sam Cuck have been listened

to a lot so listen to that two packs versions well bet I get on that one listen to Changes by Sam Coo so the song

This week is any song called Changes. Oh, no. You've got to go and put it on yourself. Yeah, yeah. We're going through. Oh, that's a good one. Change her turn and slow. I was wrong.

Changes. That's what Alam's just made up. I don't. I don't know. Thanks for listening. Bye, for Lishu.