Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #347 with Sandro Ford - Have A Word w/Adam, Dan & Carl

Episode Date: September 21, 2025

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Brought you by Monscape, the very best products on the market for below the waist groomer. Go, Ed, get on me. Hey! Hey! Played squash this morning. Whoa. You're cheating on paddle. Well, the paddle court wasn't available

and you only need one friend to play squash with. Does you have a squash racket? Or do they provide them? They provide them. The squash centre provides them. And if he doesn't turn up, squash is, you know, you can have a little practice, you know, do a little wallie.

Never played it before ever in my life. My dad played squash in the 80s. No more squash. It was a very... Definitely no more squash. Oh. Squash has gone by the early 90s. I'm worsening.

Please be careful. It feels vintage squash. Yeah. Like paddle feels very on fucking point faddy. Faddy paddle. Can't call me now. Squash feels a bit yiddies. Finn love squash, don't you?

You don't quite a row, though, too? No. Carry a little tube around with me. Orden squash. It's going to be a good paddle alternative for the winter months. Yeah. Is paddle always outdoors? We were all worried.

Until they build some indoor coach, yeah. It needs to be a cage. It's currently always outdoors here. Right. I think there's one indoor one in like Luxembourg or something. You thought it's about Pickleball? But one of the old ones. You thought it's about pickleball?

I don't know what pickleball is. It's like a slower version of paddle. It's like slow tenants for all people. Old man. I'd rather just play paddle. But I couldn't get to court today. So me and Jacques Finnegaard, we went and played 8 a.m. squash.

Did you win? No. Never played before. Jack has. And it showed. Are you doing all the racket sports? You're going to do badminton next? My dad's in a badminton league.

You can join it. And that's why my answer was going to be now. Madminton League on his own? Yeah. Well, I mean. There's other people in the league. He doesn't just play on his own. Oh, what? But like, yeah?

Because me and him played a doubles game once against my brother and Powell and I gave him a concussion so I wasn't allowed to play again. You gave, your dad, on your team? Yeah, I swung the racket like downwards like a karate chop in the back of his head. Because you weren't looking at your arms?

Oh, no, because I wasn't looking. Your dad got a concussion from a badminton racket. Yeah, I mean, it was from me. It's the lightest of all the rockets. It was like you're in the back of the head of the badminton racket, you're going to get hurt. I tell you what, though, if I had to be hitting the head with a racket,

I choose badminton yeah it's quite thin as not table tennis no they're like metal aren't you that solid wood no but they're metal around the outside of badminton one yeah but it's thin metal soft metal i wouldn't you bend easy my dad wouldn't say so fucking rattled him outside of the head no one asked about tennis you know the most popular one if you've got ball boys yeah it's too big it is if you've got ball boys going to get all the sleigh balls yeah tennis is my i wouldn't mind like competing in wimbledon because they have plenty of ball boys yeah but i'm not running to the end of the course. I'm not for tennis, Adam.

Is it Wimbledon? No, I'm all right. Also, if you're not good at the serve and it slows the game down. Yeah. Yeah, because everyone tries to wellie it on the first serve and the second one's like,

you know, like a pussie serve. Paddle's the one, I'm telling you, we should all be getting into it. Should be growing the game. Why? Right, so we can all go indoors at Leight and Buzzard or Luxembourg

or wherever you get tax breaks. Yeah, well, I've seen that there was a ready-made paddle court for sale, either day, for 14 grand, and I thought

I could buy that, find a space for it, and then run a paddle center. In your kitchen? I just have to find a building. Are they movable? Just pick it up, like a...

I imagine it's just... It's like... Ikea-style paddle court, like, build it up. But, yeah, I think I might invest in a paddle centre. That's what I'm thinking. Oh, right.

It's a growing economy. It is a growing economy. I think it would be, you know, be quids in, Christmas. It's the obvious move. Wait for a butty van. Paddle centre.

What else do you invest your money in? Well, there's plenty of butty places now in Liverpool. When I wanted the butty van there was none. Now there's 17 Derek's and two Castro. Open a buddy van outside the paddle centre for after you've played paddle. Yeah. You're tired and then you want a buddy. Call it.

Bagel. It's good. Kind of similar words. The end of an EL. Bagel. Bagel. What you say is pronounced bagel actually. Yeah.

Yeah. Played squash. Also, I just like to say, fuck you to you, law, when I bought this Yeti, and you were all like, you'll never use that. At the second time you've used it? Look at me now, first. The wonderful couple who owned West Coast Coffee, the van on Sefton Park, came to me house last night and set up my coffee machine. And it's got it pouring coffee that I could only have dreamed of a week ago. What did they do?

They fixed it. Plugged it in. Yeah. It was still on the cellophane. Did you go to the van and go? you, we've got a coffee machine. Help. No, I went to the van one day, and I was like,

coffee there, please, Norma, and she went to. Is that a pub? Are you all right? G&T, please. She's alive. Oh, yeah, it's your mom. Is my mum faked her death? Is fixing your coffee machine?

Really annoyed. Filthy bitch. I didn't see it as a euphemism. He bends his ass. I come round and. fix your coffee machine if you know what I mean I went here coffee there please norma and she went my name's jess and I went so like whatever that's why the confusion and uh that's my mom's name as well and I went to also do's a bag of your beans there go ahead and uh trend ooh

she's never sold beans like Kenneth Williams oh and a fellow who who they run the van together he went to, oh, got a coffee machine, have we? And I went to, I've just bought one. Going to set it up. And he went, well, if you want some advice on it, wouldn't mind coming around and showing you how to use it so that you can get the... I think he's trying to fuck it.

Yeah, that's the start of a porn film. Ooh, you want my beans? We'll come round together. And he went, I'll come around and I'll get a tasting just like it does from this van. Oh, he's sad... What a businessman. This guy is.

I sell coffee. I make money from coffee. Someone says they can make coffee at home. I come around and help them make coffee at home. Why are we quiet, Norma? We've got really quiet. I'm buying their beans, though, aren't I? Ah, there you go.

It's delicious. It was meant to take half an hour. We were there for three and a half hours and it's not quite finished. Did you shout at them? No. Generally, what is he doing? That's just a home one.

It's not a commercial coffee. It's as good as one. Right. It's a small version of a commercial one. It's a home. it's a sage barista pro being the key word

didn't we buy one of those yeah it's in my house yeah Carl doesn't use it either said like he uses it every single morning oh Norma and Jean have been over Norma Jean Marilyn Monroe

Who's Jean? I don't know I just said a name Wilder Oh yeah Jim Wilder's been over Norman Angale and Jean Wilder I hope they're friends in heaven

So the default grinder Setting. Are you up there with Willie Wonka, mum? It doesn't make the coffee beans thin enough. Oh. So they have to be ground really, really, really fine in order to get a good, poor.

So ideally you want your espresso to take between 27 and 35 seconds to come through. And if it's taken any less than that. It is upsetting. If it's taken any less than that, that's why, I bet your bird's coffee tastes like shit. Yeah, I don't taste it, but I go, that probably tastes like shit.

Why? Because it took 14 seconds to come out and Norma didn't do it, you know, bad. And she goes, all right. But Luke and Gets are fantastic people and they help me out. And he's going to come back and teach me how to do milk next. It's a little cute Yeti cup, in it.

You're going to teach you on to do milk. Yeah, yeah. We've got a cow, but you can milk it. It's meant to be really quiet when you're steamer. If it's large, you're doing it wrong. It depends on what you're making. Milk? Like, if you're steaming milk.

No, if you're warm and the milk, it should be quiet. If you're foamed in the milk, it should be loud. You're going for a, you know, a cappuccineas, yeah? No, I don't. I want to know how to do it in case some fucking idiot comes around who likes that kind of thing. But I'm just an espresso man, really. Very cute little Yeti cook. Are they always this sort of...

No, well, they're normally like the big fucking water things, aren't it? But this is just if you want, like, a regular-sized coffee on the go. And that's... That's Yeti. Not a hashtag ad for Yeti. Yeah. So you're going to be full of coffee. I'm just like Stanley personally.

Yeah, that's for women though, in it? I bought Seneca and a coffee one. She's a woman. Yeah. And you made a good call. The Stanley's are for women and gays and the Yeti of her straight men. That's the avatians.

And lesbians? Oh, yeah, where the lesbians fall into that? Lesbians and yetties. They are. Spot on there. And the gays, really. The gays are women. No.

I mean, lesbians are gay, in the Venn diagram of gay and women. If I say women and gays, and you say, well, where are the lesbians going? They're in that category, aren't they? Because they're both. Yeah, women. It's like wank. Whank's a man's word. Lesbians are a woman gay.

What do I mean? Whank's a man's word? I don't like where, I mean, it's wrong, but I'm saying lesbian is a woman gay. And a gay is a man gay. That's what, in my head, that's how it goes. What's just got to do at wanking? Because wank's a man's word. And Frigg is a woman's word.

I'm like, I said it to Hattie. That ain't your word, babe. You're a lesbian? Oh, I think it's absolutely they can have that one. That's not. Are you anywhere? I disagree with Hattie on the word wank.

I was here? Yeah, I remember you saying it. Who hosted with Danny Mah? Yeah. Hattie said that she was wanking a lot. And I went, you can't say that. That's our word. What's your word for?

Strum. Just upstairs for a strum? Frigg. Big's a good one. I think three up the wank. That was horrible. It's a good one. We're talking about five aside.

I don't play football unless he's looking right to his feet. I don't get the stick. So I got told... When you're a child, when you are learning the game, one of the first components is, when you're on the ball, get your head off. Because you can see the game then. You can see you need to play.

And, you know, it makes everything easier. Makes life easy. You can see where the goal is. You can see where your teammates are and also where all the opposition are. But I didn't learn the game because they went, Harry's a bit of a spastic,

let's stick him in goal. And they could say that back in the 80s. I'm epileptic. I'm the disability hire. The thing is, that's what they said to him. This is an anecdote. Exactly.

He's not using that word. He's rough around the edges. I went, thanks, Dad. Billy. Oh, you're done. So all of this, I played five aside on Monday, and it sounded really enjoyable.

Harry accidentally said maybe, and then has signed up for the next four years of Mondays. And also I was, told, you know, I went, well, I'm shit. And Carl was like, you're not allowed to, you know, you're not allowed to say that when you're an adult. You just play football with your mates.

And then I turned up and everyone went, God, are you shit? No one said it out loud. Gary Hyland bent over laughed at one point at me. I scored an own goal. He scored an outfield own goal in five. With his chest. Well, no, I said, no, it wasn't, five aside where the goals are like the height of that till he's actually with his belly.

That was the thing. I couldn't judge the spin because I thought I had like rock hard abs. But really the curvature of my stomach put a bit of swaz on it. Even when he did go, he was not under his feet. And then,

but then I scored and took me top off. You did. So, that's a breeze. I don't know whether you know this because I know you don't play five aside regularly or haven't like as an adult.

But like if a team's winning 3-0 and the other team scores, you just call it 2-0. Rather than trying to keep it... Is it 17, 18, is it? I don't know. Yeah, that's just 1-0. Yeah, okay.

Do I mean? Okay. So the team, Harry was playing four was 3-0 down, and he scored to make it 2-0 and took his top off and 7-pins. Is that why you kept on saying,

oh, it's one... I thought you were just taking the piss out of car because Carl kept on wanting to swap teams every time I went and goal? No, it's to make it so it's not like 26, 17? I thought it was... Because every time I went and goal, I'd let a couple goals in and car go,

this is fucking bowling. like this, then swap the teams. And then Adam would be like, we can't just keep on swap the teams every time Mary goes and goal. So I thought you were just taking the fist go, no, no, it's still Carl. I thought it was that.

I didn't realize it was. I wasn't paying a lot of attention, to be honest. We did that at the end. So the team I was on, we were 5 nil up and Carl made us change the teams. And then the new teams were just the same. We went 6 nil or. No, I think it was 8 in the end.

And then there was 10 minutes of the game left. so it wasn't worth swapping the teams again the last 10 minutes so we just reset it to 0-0 so the last 10 minutes were competitive and then we won and we won 3-0 so we win

and that was the only game great victory that was my third stinting goal and I was actually all right for that bit you know for someone who used to be a goalkeeper the first two weren't very good Harry talk us through

your logic because what would happen during this game right is you would be past the ball and instead of looking up and seeing where you're teammates are, where the opposition are, how close the player pressing you is, where you are on the pitch, where your goal is, where the opposition goal is. Instead of looking for all that, you would just look for the entire time you were in possession at the ball. Yeah. And I'd try

normally because instead of them picking a pass. How good your peripheral? Why had glasses on as well. So like, brilliant. Glasses on us up. Yeah. So like what I would do really because I was, I was playing left wing, which was a bad choice. It was a bad man. You weren't playing the left wing at all. It was a bad managerial choice because I'm right-footed. Why wasn't the manager? I didn't pick the teams? Listen, I was put on the left wing.

Are you way from the left wing? There's no positions? You play everywhere. I stayed on the left wing a lot. And the ball would come to me and then I'd trap it with my right foot and then I'd see like, you know, Scottish musician Ross McGuire barrel at me

and I'd just hit it at the wall and then hope that it bounced to stay or something. It wasn't, I didn't think you paid his point. Is that why he was on the wing? So he's closer to the wall. Yeah, by the way. I can't be like, because if I was in the middle,

I'm awake that mate, you know what I mean? I can't hit it that far to the wall. I don't know that much power. I shouted head up. I shouldn't head up that much that when he get the ball, the opposition team would go,

head up. And at one point, he was like, how you've got to keep your head up? And I went, I can't do both. And lost the ball. Yeah,

and then they took the ball off me because if I look up, where's the ball? At your feet? No, it's not, though, because I've not trapped it. You've seen me walk. I can barely fucking walk.

No, Harry, you're not as bad as you're making out. The ball's come and stop it and it would start rolling a little bit. So then it's like, if I'm looking up and I go to hit it, I'll just miss the ball and then they'll take it off me. Harry, here's what you do, right? What you have to accept,

what you have to do with this situation is accept that the way you're doing it is wrong. Like, even if you've got ways that you're just to find it in your head, it's not how you play football. So here's what you do, right? You control the ball,

you can look at the ball as you control it you get the vibe of if the ball's still rolling a bit you know it's going to go a couple of inches to your right or whatever you then look up and see the state of play and then as you're about to kick it you look back down at the ball this is a lot

that's yeah I can't move my head that quick I don't think do you look at it's just this do you look at the gear stick when you're changing gears in the car only when I forget what gear I'm in which happens more often than you think. See, but I must forget often

because Ellie, when I'm in the car with Ellie, she'll go, Harry. Head up, head up. Yeah, you're still in. She's still in second. Well, no, that's my problem. He's looking at his feet. I'm just seeing where they're clutching.

Am I to move? Well, my main issue is that I look at, sometimes I'll drive just looking at the sat nav. And then I'll have to go ahead up. I'll have to slamming. I've bought my car into get fixed now as well. Book yourself in to get fixed. um but uh book another driving test can you do that

no because like an optional like if you've got a driving license like renewing your vows can you just yeah can you just book a driving test if i fail that what happens do i get it revoked or is it just like you can get like an advanced like pass plus yeah that's the boat away isn't it yeah yeah it's not just the moment it is why would you ask yourself up for being a bad driver before you've actually done anything wrong the pass plus is like admitting your non-offending paedophile. Just be like, just take me away.

Something bad's going to happen. The past plus is the people... Which, by the way, is not a bad thing. If you are a paedophile, do that. It's a great thing. It's the best thing you can do is a paedophile. The hell. That's a good...

Don't keep it secret until you actually do something to a kid. I'm not saying that. No, I know. I'm not saying that. But if you are a non-offending paedophile, just, you know, put your name in. On the list. Past pluses, I feel like scared.

What do you think should be done? I'm with non-offending paedophiles. Medical care? Like, castration? Like therapy? No, not like therapy. Like therapy, sorry, what? Yeah, but like...

Hypnotism. Yeah, but hypnotism. Non-invasive therapy. Like, they cock off. Oh, non-invasive. Apparently therapy doesn't wear. They still love it. No, apparently is too broad a term, isn't it?

It's case by case basis, isn't it? What about like... Eight weeks with a therapist. I'm going to be honest. Your sound, you made some good points. I still love the little fuckers. Do you know what I mean? Imagine me in that praise, Nevada.

I'm gone, I still love it. What are you into? Love going the match. Love those little fuckers, don't. I wish there was more footballer, you know, through the week. That's when school's on. Have you seen any test?

Yeah. They, so they sit you on a table and then on the television, they put some, you know, things. They're not, but it's not proper things. It's like saucy, it's like saucy photos of kids swimming. Like Hannah Montana. Yeah.

And they put a thing brown jaw out of penis and see where I can't, why aren't you? Winish. The things. Is it actual horrific imagery? No, no, no, no, no. Hang on. Wait there. It's like soft core kid.

No, it's not soft core anything. It's just kids, topless, I think. It's some, it's something, wait. I've not, I've not been tested. Listen, can I ask you a question? Who needs this? test doing? Who's going in and going, I'm a non-offender paedophile

and they're going, we don't believe, yeah. We need to test me. Is it Caligula in America? It's like a place for paedophiles. There's just loads of paedophiles. It's like, by the way, I'm sad. No, I don't give a book. Isn't that from classics? And they're like, look at this. And he goes right. Is it so it's like

the theory test for being a paedophile? But they do, they go in and go, hey, I'm a non-offending pedophile. No. Wait, let me finish. and they go, right, come and have a chat then we'll tell you why that's a bad idea and then he goes, right, you've convinced me I'm not going to shag any kids

and then they go, right, watch a bit of this and let's have a feel of your cock. Ah, you still like it. Another chat, please. Is that what you mean? Yeah, but they've already bummed the kids before and... These are the offending pitfalls. Oh, they should just be shot, yeah.

They should? Yeah. Peanut Fowl should be shot. I think. Have you seen that one that goes to meet up with... I mean, offending paedophiles, yeah. Yeah? People who abuse, people should.

That's what you mean by paedophiles, though. I don't want these fucking fantasists. You're just a dayteeber. You're just a cheetaheber. Now go to match. Have you seen that one of the fellow who goes to meet up with a 12-year-old boy or whatever? And it's obviously someone who's like catfished him.

and uh not as fit as you are in the pictures and look a lot older you fucking wait on you kid but all the kind of paedophile like hunting videos they were all like no i didn't know and whatever they're as bad and he just goes no they're not as bad they're not as bad they're not as bad they're not nearly as bad catching a paedophile

there's nowhere near as bad as fucking a kid in the ass yeah but most of the time they've not done that they just chatting to They're being catfish. They're catfish in a special needs person online. No. No, no. But they're not beds. No.

They're not beds the people who do. Yeah, but you can't say, oh, they've done, if they weren't there, it'd be a real person. I don't know. What do you mean? Not in defence of paedophiles, but no, if it wasn't a fake person, it's usually.

How am I getting monetised this week? It's also never just won. It's usually a lot of, real ones too. What do you mean? A lot of real ones. They're speaking to one fake one. They're not just talking to one person, are they? Oh, I thought they were just in love with the one. It's such a romantic.

And everyone deserves a chance to find love. There's plenty more fish in the sea. I know what you say. People are doing it, they're a bit fucking weird. Well, any sort of vigilante justice is a bad thing. Batman's a knobbed? No, Batman's cool. It's not real? What if he was catching paedophiles? What if he was catching paedophiles?

He's not doing that, is he? No, but if he was, who you're saying? Patman on Facebook live. He's just as Pat. He's here for 12-year-old boys. You're not going anywhere. I'm not what you mean, but no,

Peter Fow's a bad thing. I agree with that. Nice. Poker. Very nice. No, that sounds good. Not nearly who's good. The pain.

Gwyn. In the ass. Oh, nice. There's one that they meet up with him, and he's like, Listen, he's got me. Fair play. And I respect it. Do I mean?

Who's the, who's the guy in Oppenheimer? Killian Murphy. Who's he? What's his? Scarecrow. Scarecids. Skare crow. Bum kids.

Still doing wordplay. Have you seen the one that faints? Yeah. Is it a real faint or is it Gillian McKeith? I don't know. It's not Julian McKeith. But it's the only, it's the only nonst that's ever been caught one of those where you just do feel a little bit of sense.

sympathy for him because he goes, oh, no, oh no, and then just fucking hits the deck. That's the way to go. I saw one the other day who'd shat himself, actually shat himself. Yeah, it'd be rough being a paedophile. Like, if you get caught as, like, do I mean? Talk us through it. Well, like, not, I don't have sympathy with them, but you can't, they're, again, they need therapy.

No, I agree with that. But they are acting on it, aren't they? Oh, it's bang out of order. You know what I'm saying? Right, okay, good. But then... Yeah, they're tortured by a mental illness. Yeah, that's what you're saying.

Yeah, and their mental illness is incredibly, incredibly hurtful in it. Oh, absolutely, but then Brian from Billings turns up with his, like, on Facebook Live. I was, look at his nons. They're always gimps, aren't they? Yeah, the Peter Hunters. Yeah, they're Ming's as well.

My stepdad watches it while he cleans the dishes. He just watches live streams of Peterfow hunters. Did the, they're in the ball guy? Is he waiting for his episode? Is that what I'm on? Really my holiday. That one. do a club

night? Who? He's doing my holiday? I think he did a club night. No, he fucking didn't. He does club appearances. No, he didn't. I'm sure he did, you know.

It's him in the dark destroyer. Am I, is that like a fake page or am I misremembering, but I'm sure. Yeah, I can't find that. It has to. What are you talking about?

Or at least people were getting photos with him. I got someone get a picture with him in a toilet. He's like, yeah. I've seen that. Yeah. So Howard from the Halifax, he gets a lot of those club appearances.

Not anymore. Jesus Christ, it's not in 1993. It's the office. I know, it's just because of the office. Who's in that? Phil Mitchell, he did loads in Sheffield all the time. I think if the mum from the Scottish mum from, well, it was one of years, disgusting. She'd make fucking bank if she came out and did that.

You could walk past her in the streets and you wouldn't. Yeah, but you'd know it once she performed it. yeah it's like the jet two holidays woman she's making bang yeah she's doing festival she seems cool as well yeah isn't it mad that there's like

loads of famous people who you don't know what they look like but they're like megastars like bands especially and Zimmer yeah you mean like slip knot or something yeah I mean they're a prime example aren't they because they are massed up

even not even that big like I was someone like imagine dragons Like, we could all be an Imagine Dragons and I don't think we'd know. Yeah. You'd know the singer. Is he the guy that's absolutely yoked? Yeah, he just has his top off constantly.

He looks like Jack Reacher. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He looks incredible. No, but Nolan walked in here, would you know? Yes. Yeah. No, but a lot of people would. Like, he's mega famous,

but he's not like, you know, can't go to Starbucks, not going, oh my God. No, no, I think he is that. Yeah. Yeah. Whereas, um... Hands him, isn't it? The cliche one is like, the drummer from Cole,

You're like, who is that? The reason this come up the other day, I was having a pint on the... Exactly, it's you. I was having a pint on the lane, and my mate told me he's going on a stag do. And do you know, that song, I'll leave the lad on home?

What's his name? Tom Walker. Tom Walker, right? He, uh, that he's going on the stag do. And apparently one of the lads in the group, or maybe it was Tom. I think it was one of lads in the group said, because the stag doo's in Liverpool,

said to me, mate, do you reckon Tom's going to be all right walking around if he was going to get bothered all the time and he was just like listen like I think he could be in the room right now and I wouldn't actually know he could be on stage and he won't get bothered

but it's a massive song that in it yeah yeah like is he a one at wonder he had a couple I think he might get recognised a couple of times yeah by proper fans but like he's not going to get you know no no Adam will get recognised more but like we go out like I might

It doesn't happen constantly, does it? There is a really manageable level of... Be so boring if it did. Imagine if you were like Justin Bieber. Like your life is so... Terrific. It's just different to everyone else's, isn't it? He hated as well, don't he?

Very clearly. You don't live the same life as everyone. You don't... And he aged since he was a kid as well, he doesn't know what the world. Do you know why Christopher Nolan wouldn't have a problem, I don't think? It's because the people who know and care about him

and would maybe want a picture... Too cool. are older and cool and all to, like, if you, if under 25s aren't sure who you are and aren't bothered about you, you're probably going to get left alone. What, Andre Ryu? What? Andre Ryu, the famous violinist. Yeah, I think that's a good example.

I think there's a mad, like, all the celebrities would get it more. Like, when I bumped into Les Dennis, I was like, everyone here does know who that is. Yes, and all lemons. And they're like ignoring him. But if it's a more modern celebrity, they're fucking ten a penny, aren't they? So that's not as bad. Whereas the celebrities from the 90s and before,

they had that like ubiquitous thing where everyone knows. Because they were really famous. You were one of the few channels on TV. Yeah. On one of the dozens of shows that were being... Well, yeah, back then there was five channels. Yeah.

Four for a long time. Channel 5 was birthed like Jordan our lifetime on it. There was four channels. And if you weren't on one of them, you weren't known. It's the same with, like, actors. They talked about and the rest of there's entertainment a couple of weeks ago. It was like, they did a survey of, like, showed people faces of actors. I know the face that don't know the name.

But all of them were famous pre-9, like pre-2000. There's none of the most famous since that, because there's so many people. So it's just been disappointed. Actors? Yeah. Like, what about Sondaya, Tom Holland? No. The top ones were like Keanu Reeves, Tom Cruise, Denzel Washington.

It was all people that have been famous for 30 years. The ones that most people knew the name of? Did they not mention the ones I'm saying? They weren't like in the top few. All the top ones were. Yeah, Tom Cruise is more famous than... Yeah, my mom wouldn't know Tom Holland was, I think. Yeah.

Who's the most famous person born after the year 2000? Me Like Millie Bobby Brown somewhere like Millie Bobby Brown's probably up there Laminia Mall Yeah

he's gonna be He's on the way though ain't he My bed wouldn't know he was Yeah And that's the Brameter No but like

You know I know It's funny with You can see the new generation of superstars coming through can you

With like Aaron Butler Austin Button Austin Austin That's a perfect It's brothers famous, haven't? Yeah, have you met Aaron?

Yeah, Austin Butler, Salome. They're coming through, aren't they? And in 10 years, no one will say Aaron Butler because Austin Butler will be so famous But everyone will know him. Someone was making a video with him and Joe Decoma and asked me to tell him some scouse slang Which they then taught Austin Butler.

For the motorbike film? Were they not seen? I watched... Well, he got asked to be bonded, and he went or it got like mentioned. And he was like, no. I'd never be Bond. That's got to be British.

That wasn't Austin Butler. That was Glenn Powell. I've seen the... Austin Butler said it as hard to be. Is that... Oh, no, no, man. Sorry. And he goes,

Glenn close as James Bond. He said, I'd be a Bond villain though, and I think he'd be a fucking good Bond villain. May, that guy is out of fuck, in he? Yeah. Every interview. Every little snippet you see online.

He's just like... He's one of my fashion inspirations at the minute. Who? Yeah, I see it. Austin Butler. I saw him in a Guinness sweatshirt. one of yeah

because you're out to fuck as well look at you yeah he's a sexy boy this is a fucking belt about the way yeah Abercrombie mate

more Aaron Butler than it is Austin but he's a good Elvis me Adam's a good yeah shit you wear a good Elvis

then he can make that nice oh can say real words what song is that no such number No such That's when Yeah, there's jaw-wide shook

Where are you, Hollywood? This is a constant fucking audition reel. Wake up! Who would you play if you could in a film? Who would I play? What do you mean? So you enacting, like a biopic? Yeah, like...

Of anyone? Like Austin Butler was Elvis. Oh, wow. It's gonna be Denzel, isn't it? No, he's black. black. Oh, yeah. Like, that should go to a black actor.

Right. He's probably right. I don't know. I'll come back. You don't have to be at age because Timmy was much, obviously much younger than Bob Dylan. Which is not at the time at the film.

I mean, he wasn't playing 78-year-old. No, what I mean is, it doesn't have to be someone famous. We're going to do a film about Bob Dylan. He needs to find a 79-year-old. It's not how the film's going to work. Frank Sinartan.

It's amazing they've not done a... Are you a crooner? Are you a crooner? Careful. There's one in the works, isn't there? Is there? I think so. Wasn't he a bad guy?

Did he all bad guys? Yeah, he's in the mob, wasn't he? His son got robbed. Well, is that making him a bad guy? It's just like he was in the... It was associated with the mob. His son got robbed and then give him back. The Michael Jackson film's coming out soon.

They're doing it in two parts, like the Deathly Hallows. I think it's pre-peda-file post-de-a-fow. Is that too... My nose is too good for that. Is that, this is going to sound awful. Is there two actors? Like pre-Vitiligo and Pepsi and post-Vitilago. I imagine I'm going to have to be, yeah, because I don't think they're,

I think they're just doing a, or do they white up a black actor? White down, by the way. You black up. I think they'll stop at like, just after Thriller, maybe. No, because like. Where was Pepsi? In the 90s. And then, wait, maybe smooth criminal.

What's smooth criminal like 1990? Was that a start up, wasn't it? What about when he was loving babies off balconies and that? That was in 2000s? Well, 2000s? Yeah, like, that's sick. I want to see that on screen. He didn't throw him, by the way.

They're going to do a film about Michael Jackson, you're going to just think they cut it off? They're going to have to. Yeah, because what they're going to do? Well, they're not going to tell the story about it's down for. They're not allowed. They're not allowed to. Yeah, they're not allowed to.

Hang on, you can't tell the story of his demise and his... I imagine his... Yeah, but all biopics really don't go into, like, the heavy bits. I really think if you're making a film about Michael Jackson, you go, let's just go to a thriller and then walk away. Yeah, but he really peppered the Elvis one with like, yeah, she's young, but hey, they're together now.

They didn't go into the fact that, you know, he groomed her. Yeah. Oh, wait, sorry, they're going up to the allegations in 1993. That's the end of the post scene, creddy. He gets it. He gets accused and then it's just off. Cliffanger. Yeah.

Falkany hangar. Is it a bit of a non-convict. Well, you know, non-convictive. let's leave it at that I'd watch that though I'm really interested Michael Jackson thinking you know famously very interesting man

I'll watch that but I would like to see the next bit it's out next April can't wait it's gonna be massive though because it's a 155 million budget

so they're gonna throw balls to the wall at it who's playing it his his nephew 155 million that's pretty normal isn't it for a budget

no that's a big budget for a for a film but I reckon the Elvis film was probably like a 50 million budget oh really I thought like that's that's like a that's the lower end Marvel films are 150 million yeah that's what I mean

yeah but that's a big film they're still in the big budget car yeah but it's gonna be any CGI in Michael Jackson film are they gonna be like space they're gonna have to make the monkey aren't they they could just put a monkey no they could just have a real monkey though yeah he had a real monkey yeah so they'll just get a real monkey

maybe they're just going to like maybe the extra budget just to make it more exciting maybe there'll be some like car chases and stuff like OJ Jones pass maybe some buildings will blow up and that

maybe it's like half buy up a half action film wasn't he meant to be in the World Trade Center wasn't Michael Jackson meant to be in the World Trade Center I think that was post allegations though that was 2001 I think he was like

accused before that that'd be a wild end to the film though if they just left him walking what day is it Mike Tyson 11th of September that's it's my Michael Jackson and then just walked into the

two towers what pound is it 8 a.m on the September 11 and you're like Thank you Michael you're welcome Michael you're just to stay you don't hear anything

Oh no Is that a plea End of Phil I mean he wasn't And he's like Was it Mike Tyson at the end of finish the film by the way you welcome there's a lovely end into her 9-11 he didn't die at 9-11 but he was meant to be there for the meeting the fellow who owns the world trade center by

the way the only day he ever had off work that day what was his job owner of the world trade he was the owner of the world trade center and he had that day off he made sure the fire exits were clear he had the chiropractic appointment he also apparently insured they for 500 gazillion pound the day before same thing happened with the Toby Carverian skim. The fella took a day off and they burnt it down, allegedly. So does that show that the US was colluding and they knew it and it was their attack? Or does the World Trade Centre fella, is he boys whipping lad?

I thought you meant they'd attack the Toby Carver. Boyship and Latin's a bad name, by the way. Or third one, just lucky. Not terrorists. Yeah, that's what they want you to think. Idiot. To be fair, you're not hearing all any of the stories of the people who are like, actually, I'll go in today. and then the plane

people who work from home Oh, first day My new job Holocaust just for the bingo players at home First day his new job is the holocaust That's unlucky that The batters and a fire

Yeah But there must have been loads of first day, is there Yeah In a Tuesday Yeah, we're in Saturday Yeah, we're in Saturday Let's have a break before we all have a stroke, please.

Oh, God. I've told you about the time that woman asked me to fuck her in the toilet and she went to that house. Yeah, it was a common joke on the fuck. If you often wonder what happens before we start recording, I promise you this is true.

About 60 seconds before this bumming chat, we were singing the theme tune for Only Fools and Horses. Sometimes... Stay asked. Whether the happy days theme tune is a more famous theme song than whatever the friend's one's called. The Rembrandance.

I'll be there for you. That's the one. I think you know. Do you know the second verse? Yeah. I know we. When still in bed at 10 and work again at 8. You burnt your breakfast so far.

Things are going great. 9-11. Your mother warned you there be days. like these, but she didn't tell you where to put your shoes when they're dirty in the rain. I'll be there for you. And do you remember the sex in the city? They're having sex in the city. They're having sex and the city.

That's a common miss, uh... No, you miss heard why I said. Is it Miss Norma? Yeah. She was called Miss Norma. It's like the, um, everyone thinks the monopoly. We got a monocle. And the Pringle.

That's a mandala. Oh, thanks Colin. Pringles guy has a moustache or doesn't have a mustache Samantha, is she the scouse one in sex in the city? Kim Cottrell. Kim Cottrell,

she's fucking classic. She's so scouse in that. She's made with Adam's cousin in Antomic kitten. Sure. Kim, Carton has not scouts, though. Yeah, no, she's not scouts in that, though,

she. It'd be sick if you. Fucking hell, you got fucked in the city, lad. Yeah, she, yeah. Walter White, like, fucking Brian Kansson's not a drug dealer either done. Walter White is though, isn't he? Yeah, yeah, good.

But Kim, Kachal, scouse? Yeah, yeah. She was born in Liverpool. She was made of the R-A-F. I've watched that, by the way. R-A-F sex in the city. You notice Jody Coma's accent, getting softer. Every time she's in an interview,

she's a bit more like British. Got to on her. She's also one of the best people in the world, that accents as well. Yeah. So maybe she's just putting it on. might watch Kevin Neve again. It started at such a peak

and I think it went off. I enjoyed all of it, but it didn't. 28 years later that she's in is brilliant. Yeah. And the ending is wild. No spoilers. No spoilers.

But the end in a match zombie film. Mad. I swear to you, you will never in a million years predict what happens ever. Damon's old ladies in it? That would be more normal. Way closer than zombies.

Let's do some advice. Oh yeah, sign up for the Patreon Patreon.com slash have a word pod The biggest on the planet The best in the planet If you want to do it, you'll be fine What are you looking at, Wally? Also, I'll get arena tickets

Because we've just booked something And it's mad And if you miss it, you'll cry A bit half-hearted on the sales pitch today But, you know, we do do this all the time if this is your first time watching the podcast good look and also we give some great advice

because we've got all our shit together if you want some advice have a word pod at gmail.com this is from an anonymous lady says I need some advice here my fella is currently in a mood with me because I told my best mate about the size of his penis

this was a while back I wasn't bragging about it or anything but she was telling me about this lad she'd started seeing and telling me about his rather impressive dick and we were laughing about past experiences with penises, penises. Penises. And then she asked about my fellow at first

I wasn't really playing ball and said it's absolutely fine and she pressed me on the length and just to get her off my back I said it's like average like five inches. Cut to a few weeks ago and we're on a night we're on a night out. She refers to me and him having sex which is kind of her sense of humor and mentions his five inch dick.

when we got home he was really annoyed with me partly because he's convinced it's six inches and partly because he says it's totally out of order for me to have talked about it what do you think here lads and also what should I do well here's the thing if he went around telling everyone about your gap and pussy

you wouldn't be very happy would you fact I mean if you couldn't predict that that was where Adam was going with that one lie even if it isn't lie isn't this mad by the way right you know the way like society he paints men as like these weird they're just custom ones.

I have got no idea what Sederker's pussy looks like. I bet you'd all he made to know about your knob. Are you watching this one? You watched the last one, didn't you? Are you watching this one? Tell me in the kitchen. Over to you in the kitchen. I'm going to pause it here for you, Sereka.

If you, this is, if you came in and went, boys. And then just started talking about your partner's vagina, we go, Lad, shut up. But girls are like, tell me about his fucking bell-end. I mean, to be fair,

I got shouted. I got shouted out in the comments. There's some things that are better left unsaid and this, you know, the genitals may be them. Yeah. I don't know.

Oh, I think it's, I know it's easy to do the direct comparison of like, well, you shouldn't do it because we don't do it.

It's not as quantifiable, is it? But we talk about Dick, Yeah, because we've got dicks. They can talk about the pussies. He's got no problem with that. No, but literally like... Well, don't describe Laura's vulva then?

No. But that's exactly what I said. Just because, like, it's a very easy to go, well, women shouldn't do it because we... But like, the other day, I can't remember who we were talking about, and one of us went, apparently he's got a fucking weapon as well. Like, it's a much more chatted about thing, in it? Between everyone, the whole dick-length thing.

I don't know many conversations I've heard. Apparently, do you know, he's got a really baggy fanny. Also, it's countable and uncountable in the English world, Harry Robinson. As he just said, you can't quantify a vagina. We can go. It's infinite. No, you can't go, he's got, he's a big Willie,

or he's 10 inches fucking out, he's packing. You couldn't go, well, the circumference of it, a pussy. It's not, it's not quantified. You can describe it, though. Exactly. Then you have to go into adjectives. Yeah, but you'd have to do it in liters. And that's just being mean, isn't it?

You can go, he's got a 10 inch, Willie, you know what that means. She's got a 1.5 litre bussy. It's like a boot for a four focus. Small focus. How many Richmond sausages can you fit in this, mate? Passple bloom. Would you be annoyed if it turned out that the gal then was chatting about the fucking weapon of mass destruction?

No, for me, it's always a compliment, isn't it? It's too big, I don't know what to do. There is the thing, Matt, genuinely, the honest truth is mine isn't too big. it's perfect. I've been told by many a woman I've got a perfect cock. And the ones that didn't say it,

you've pretended they did. And that's how your memory works. What do you say? I don't want to present. She said I've got a perfect cock. Yeah. No, women have told me I've got a really nice knob.

Yeah. During sex? That's quite a weird way of saying it. Just pull it out again. Unbelievable. Even better when shiny. That's a Pokemon. Would be shiny because they'd be dripping on it.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, that was a joke, but, you know. It was glistening when I saw it. Winked him. Was anyone in the room that he'd left? Wings are blinked, like Edward Cullen. No one was staying over.

Harry's just out on it. He's been Ron sealing his dick again. Oh, God, you're down, are you? Oh, I wonder how old to London, have you had him? I've been here 40 minutes. A little shit. Morning, tip of the cab. If you don't know what we're referencing, by the way,

if you missed an episode or whatever, or if you knew, Harry stayed in mine once and God forbid a man walks around naked after a good fuck session in his shared house in his friend on the couch two other flatmate who both had birds at the time very busy flat, go on. No, well, the flat I lived in was a duplex.

Really? I'm very tolerant of you. So there was there was the basement bit, I didn't live in the basement I lived on the ground floor of the duplex and on the ground floor there was the front door

a bathroom which is my bathroom my room and then the spare room which no one lived in which is where people would stay Harry stayed in that I hadn't heard Harry get up I went to pound town and then went to clean me cock afterwards you know like a good gentleman

it was so punchy Jesus Christ this needs a clean and Harry was sod on my land for some reason waiting for me. Oh, he was like... Oh, there you are, boss. Unbelievable dick. What I said good morning to it as well.

What a nice knob. Good morning, Mr. Magpack. Black and white. Dan, what have you found out that on the school run law? I was talking about your Willie. After 9 o'clock or before 9 o'clock. Like, pre 9-9-11.

What would you do? If she came home, would you like... Oh, 9.11 a.m. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Sorry, that makes sense. I was just chatting and, you know, we just spoke about... I don't think you know how school runs go. This is the women.

What happens with the school run is? You've got your child for almost... No, they've gone in. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, have a good day. Have a good day. Don't forget. Oh, your cardigan. You forgot it. Have a good day, love you too.

Love you too. All right, see you later. She's been doing magic. All right, bye. Okay, see you later. All right, Bev. let's talk some dick I don't think they very quickly

get into dick chat on the How quickly does Laura leave the scene? As soon as the cardin goes up Shit just fucking runs Be like, oh God I'm ready to get home He's fucking frisky, isn't he? Oh, is he frisky?

Oh yeah, he's got a big Willie How's your Dan's buddy? How is it? Is it all right? Oh, I've got to get back What to do? The dishes? No, I've got to fuck John. Frisky, isn't he?

I'm sorry, how old are you? I don't know. 38, but I still use the word frisky. Hey, this is climate school. Apopo. What's Dan's dick like? Tiny Tempe used the word frisky. Apopo?

It's a good song. She don't make any... I don't think it's the school run. I think she's got a couple of mates. Yeah. She's got a couple of mates. She's got a mate called Christina and I think they've taught dicks.

I know they talk dicks and sex and stuff and... There's bother her? No? genuinely not at all. So the fact that Wanda said, Licka's main mates could paint your cock from memory. I don't know how memory of what? What's your membrane? The description.

What, like one of those police artists? Serica's very good with her words. She's very descriptive. If your dick ever commits a crime. If you did it, I don't know, I just wouldn't bother. I don't know. I can't change me dick. I wouldn't, yeah, that is often worse for people, though.

When they can't change her. I think you're just happy with your knob. I'm happy with my knob. What if she's going around saying it's an inch less than you think it is? That would be annoying. I'm like, you're lying. You're a fool. It's at least a foot and a half.

Yeah, but again, like, if a meeting go, I know, I imagine what your willy looks like. I wouldn't, I'd be fine with that. What if she'd showed them a picture? I think then I'd have an issue. Maybe. Yeah. Is there I got a picture of your dick?

I imagine so. No, I've got one. No, it's not what I said. That's not what I said. I didn't say, is it on. Google if I search images Has your wife got a picture of your dick on her phone?

I don't know how I'll go that I cloud is, possibly. All right. But I'm saying, I think then I, if she's like, I'm like, oh, don't do that, that's, you know. Yeah, that's a breach of trust, isn't it? Yeah.

Because I, I've got a person in my, a friend who started dating the girl of what he was just sleeping with and he was like, oh, she sent me pictures. Do you want to see? And I went, no. Because that's bang out of all that. I don't want to see other women.

Not because I'm married, but I mean, like, just because... What I would say to all the women out there is, just exaggerate. If you're going to tell people about your fellow's knob, just be generous with her. If he's five inches, tell her it's 11. If it's white, say it's black. Yeah. I reckon they'll figure that out, are you? Yeah, oh, if it's go, yeah, it's six, haven't?

It'd be like a car salesman. What does she do with the boyfriend now? Just go, sorry, she pecked my head. She pecked my head. And let's get the fucking ruler out. As long she's only described it and not showed it, get over it, yeah. Honestly, I don't think there's many things

because this will do a lads ed in, but it won't, like, I don't think this will be a deal breaker. I don't think there's many things you could do. To, like, there's not many problems like this that can't be solved with a rim job. Who for? For them?

She licks his ass. That's why you come to one for a device. Rick his asshole? Yeah. I don't see how. But then don't tell anyone about that. Don't tell him. The gap between the asshole and the balls as well,

the little, is it, your taint, your gooch, yeah, perineum. Measure it and tell her friends. Yeah, take him to Nambos is wrong. Oh, it's got a fucking massive perineum. Medium. Question. When you enjoy your rim job, do, do you, is the lady from behind

or you're in the birthing position and she's like pushing your legs up? Birth and position. Oh, don't be on all fours, Dan. That's horrible. No? That's a feminine position. That's human centipede. So, sorry, legs in the air.

Yeah. Taint. It's easier to go from getting sucked off. It's during a blow job, it's not, it's not before a blow job. It's not asking you. Yeah. You're getting sucked off. She's going mad for it.

And then she just, like, takes her hands off. She's got four hands on it. Not bad for it. Fucking Jack and the Beanstalk, lad. right where do the balls go they don't go anyway they just stay at the bottom where do the balls go because that's like resting it on a red isn't it yeah you've rest on the back of an head

or the back of my neck how deep she going anyway next one anonymous what's happening lads keep me anonymous please all right I'm 22 and recently got back from travelling around Vietnam and Cambodia for three months for one month I was volunteering with a man who runs a school teaching English to Vietnamese kids breathe in and I met his niece

breathing again who works there she's 24 breathe out and within my last two weeks she's 24 and within my last

two weeks there we got extremely close touching and getting frisky oh I stand corrected with one day just throwing herself on me when it was just us

telling me she wants it so bad slight problem she is married and has a four year old we eventually ended up booking a hotel in the capital and I had the best sex of my life and felt like we really shared a moment fast forward to now five weeks later

I've been in the UK and we still keep in contact we're talking sexting every day and she's telling me she wants to divorce her husband and is waiting for me to come back to Vietnam what do I do do I sack it off or do I live with the story and keep talking to her

I genuinely really like her but I'm not sure what to do. So your options here are cut it off and don't break up a marriage and a home with the child in her or being a long-distance relationship with a woman who lives in Vietnam. What to do?

I do. What is... I don't know. I think the boring answers to go, this sounds like hard work, but also, seems fun. What's the capital of Vietnam, by the way? It seemed like he didn't know.

Hanoi or Hucci Min City. One of the two. It's Hanoy, you know. Maybe. It feels like he didn't know. You know, we went to the capital. Yeah, like a diplomat. I couldn't tell you which capital.

It's quite a Hanoyan situation. You find yourself in, isn't it? Next one. Yeah, break them off. Yeah, break them off. Fly it over. I have a Vietnamese wife in England. I thought you'd all to find its way in life.

Is there not an option to fly to Vietnam? Vietnam and live in Vietnam? No, because she's married in Vietnam. Yeah. But she's getting a divorce. She said that she wants to break up by leaving Vietnam. Yeah, but is that what she said? Did she just say she wants to break up with him?

You never said she never, I don't, yeah. Start a new life in Vietnam. No, she didn't say. If they're already getting divorced, then yeah, move to Vietnam and, you know, live with this fantasy until like it's boring in three months and then move home. That's great advice. That's what I'll happen as well. You've got to be a daddy to the little Vietnamese babedal.

You know, you've got to be a good step, dad. Where's he from? How would you be a... How did you speak Vietnamese? No, but... He does. He was teaching them English. The kid?

He was literally... That's how we met this girl. He was teaching English to Vietnamese people. So he must be able to speak Vietnamese. Otherwise, how is he getting in across to them? I spoke... I used to talk English, Japanese people. And you speak fluent in Japanese?

Oh, sorry. I forgot. I think a lot of it's instinctive. If a four-year-old comes to you in a garden and goes, with a ball, you don't go. I don't speak Vietnamese, lad. Not a fucking clue what you're on about. And that's all paired it in his ball games.

30%. 30% of being a boy dad. Yes. Sam Angel. Wag-wag-lids. After some advice. I've been with my girlfriend now properly for just under a year. Before that I was seeing her for a year as I didn't want to rush.

Sorry. I've been with my girlfriend now properly just under a year. Before that I was seeing her for a good year. Oh, are we fucking doing write an email properly? That makes sense. What do you mean? What do you mean?

What you mean? What you mean? What do you mean? They've been officially together for just under a year. The year previous to that. They were dating, but it wasn't official.

I apologize, Sam Angel. We didn't want to rush into things. As I'm an aspiring golf pro and as Adam knows, golf isn't for the faint-hearted and requires a lot of dedication. This is why he's playing paddle. In the early stages,

She was fine with the amount of time I was putting into it. But in recent months, it seems that she's tried to keep me from pursuing my goals. That's what they do. And any time I bring up the fact that I need to keep up the work, it gets shut down and I'm told I'm ruining the relationship. She's kept it again. It gets shut down. Any advice on how to get across to her,

this is my life without calling her a miserable fun sponge. Cheers, Lids, love the pod. Golf widows and a thing, aren't he? It's like a term. But that's not a pro golf. thing, is it? Also, he was already doing this when they met. This is who he is.

Yeah, she's trying to change him. What I do think you could do is invite her and get her to drive the buggy. Oh, she's the caddy? No, just the buggy driver. Are they separate things? Well, your caddy is the person

who tells you how to take the next shot. I wouldn't trust her on that. They're experts in golf as well, aren't they? What do you think about this? What do you think about this? this par four? I don't know. I'm lonely. She can... Let her drive to buggy. Oh, she knows.

Yeah? She's just giving him any call. Oh. Thanks, Colin. Let her drive to buggy around the whole course. She'll have a right laugh. She can read her little book or whatever while you're taking your shots. She can drive you around and then when you get back to the clubhouse at the end, you park it for her.

You're going to say, you fuck her. I honestly thought there was a park it in a pussy. No, no, you just park it. You just don't want it to, you know, crash in the world. Because that's what all wives want, isn't it, if they're losing their partner to golf, is to drive a buggy around for them on the golf course. He said he's an aspiring pro,

so he must be making money from this. No, not necessarily. Aspiring. Oh. The lower ends of golfers aren't making a lot of money. But also, an aspiring pro, he might just be trying to be a golf club pro. I'm an aspiring pro.

I don't think they're making that much money, are they? What I would say is the advice I've just give you is actually really solid all of it because that is an olive branch that's like hey look this is an important part of my life

it's I wanted to be my job one day it's also my hobby there is a way you can get involved with me if she's still winging after that lad honestly fuck it off but it's a bit like new girlfriends with comedians

in it you know when you're a couple's new and one of them's a stand up and they're there at the gig loads for the first sort of two or three months and then you see them a bit less. Yeah.

Then after about a year and a half, that's the end of them coming to comedy. Isn't it going to be the same for the golf, the golf wife? Yeah, but like all he's got to do is extend an olive branch here, isn't it?

All he's got to do is be like, give a little bit of compromise and be like, hey, you can get involved with it, but I'm not playing any less. And maybe she'll love it. And also, just be in a relationship where you can have your own things

and do your own things for a bit. then she can go and do hers it's not your fault that she's bored at home like go and hang out with your mates love go and see other people start your own hobby couples that have to be under each other's fucking armpit the whole day it's just a bit much going like it's it's a great thing to be able to go i've got some mates over here that i'm going to go and see there's this thing i like doing i've got a bit of a part-time thing going just you go and do your own thing and then the time you spent together will be quality time

rather than just occurring around each other because that's where you live. Solid advice from a married man. A happily married man, I would add. She should start playing golf? Imagine she gets better at him. Yeah, but like she can literally play with him if she does what I'm saying as well.

Like she just has to drive the buggy. I think golf might be the one that partners, wives traditionally fear the most in terms of the hobbies that get taken up because it's a long day. There's potential booze in. There's quite a lot of equipment. and ultimately it is going to end in Portugal

for a pissed up week on a golf trip in it. It's a six-hour day, golf, because if you play on a weekend in the course is slow, it's four hours to play, and then it's getting there, getting back, and two pints afterwards. Yeah, if I go to the gym, I can be literally door-to-door,

the longest I ever take is two hours. Sometimes it's more like an hour and a quarter, an hour and 20 minutes. That will not piss off your partner that much. And if it, I mean, if you can't go to the gym, you've got to have time to yourself. I don't care how busy your lives. I don't care how many kids you've got.

You've got to be able to go and do your own thing at times. Yeah, of course. Gentlemen only. Ladies, fuck off. That's what God stands for. All gay outdoor lifestyle with fellas. Right, let's have a break. Because we've got some images.

Bye. Sandro Ford joins us, ladies and gentlemen. Here he is. I think he might be the only man, bar Johnny Bongo, ever turned up with his own crate of ale? Yeah. Bring a presents, but I'll drink him myself.

Yeah, but on the off chance that we just don't have booze and you were wrong, we've got... Well, I went to fucking dead my meat and Fred, you know, they had water. I was what the fuck's going on here? But... Did they have a load of liquid death? Well, I took him pies,

because I thought Fred, he was really fat, but he's quite small, so... He's last way of late. He's still fat, like, at heart, though. And him's not having any of Freddy's weight. A fat order. He's got a fat head. I don't mean his head's big.

I mean, he's got one of those edges. You can tell he used to be a fat cund. Yeah. You know what I'm like a fucking absolute truck of a man? Or woman or trans loses weight and their head stays mad. Isn't the guy of Little Britain? What's in it?

Matt Lucas? He looks to him a little bit. He looks insane how skinny he is right now. Yeah. I think he's had his lips done as well. No, I think, yeah. he's on his lip filler it looks like to me

I think it's because he's lost so much weight on his head but as he's gone into his lips stuff in his mouth they're too fat like to get stuff in so it's only fucking salad sticks and stuff absolutely that'll be those salad sticks he's in gladiator too

oh yeah shit he is you get mixed up with Russell Crowe he isn't in glad he did he's in a flashback to be fair Russell Crowe but Matt Lucas is in a character He's playing a compere, basically, isn't he? Yeah.

And it's weird. Who is? Matt Lucas? Matt Lucas, in Gladiator, too. He's like, he's emceeing the arena. It's a good film, it's a, it's a bit. It's in the first one, isn't it? It's an unnecessary film.

Why is Russell Krohn or any? Have you seen the first one? Yeah? You'll know why he's not in the same. He's unavailable, as they say. It's not a prequel. Spoiler. Spoiler.

Does he die in the first one? Yeah, he does, yeah. Right, okay. I didn't know that. What a fucking horrible. film that is. The hero dies. He dies well, though. How's he die?

He dies. He dies. In the ring. In the arena. In the ring, yeah. He gets bummed to death. He gets bummed to death. That's the end of how everyone wants to go. That would be a good fucking ending to it, wouldn't it? He just gets bummed by a lion towards the end, just dies on the floor. I've got a question. Are you thinking of the TV show gladiators? No. No, the film with

Russell Crowe, yeah. Well, he wasn't in the TV show, so why would I be thinking of the TV show? Because if you've seen the film Gladiators, you know, Russell Crowe. Yeah, but I've seen it ages ago when I was a kid. I think it's quite overrated. Gladiator, the old programme was the first like diverse thing on TV. He had a Scottish man on her, didn't he? He would do

the... Gladiator, really? Yeah, there was one Scottish person and everybody else's English. Then I thought that, when you look at that, I think well, Welsh people should be included, really. Ornika Johnson's Swedish. Is she? Yeah. Yeah, she's Swedish-adjacent. wasn't she born in Sweden?

Oh no, yeah, she's Swedish. She's a full on Swedish. She doesn't sound it. Ulrika Johnson. When she talks. She might be called IKEA flapper. That was the best thing. Such an unnecessary bitch.

Flapach bitch. Sorry, what's your name again, love? No Welsh, you're not happy with the representation, the Welsh representation in Gladia is. No, we're underrepresented in the world, really, because once people leave Wales, they just fucking forget their Welsh. fucking insane.

You're the first Welsh person we've allowed on the podcast. Really? I'm the first. I'm breaking bones. Same. First guess. It feels wrong.

It feels like... Well... Well, I was sort of a thing earlier. North Whalians, they are Welsh. They're not as Welsh as South Wales. Yeah, I agree with you. They got more grit without South Wales.

Realistically, North Wales is more like English, like... Adjacent. Yeah. They're the Ulricha Johnson of Wales. Yeah, it's a kind of... So where does that start?

Upper Usweth, up or us with down? Swansea. Fucking hard life. I don't think Cardiff's quite fucking, do I mean? Cardiff's North Wales, pretty much. You may as well be. Cardiff's all like, fucking sandwiches. Where do you get to,

I was going to bring Welsh cakes, but I forgot them. We eat Welsh cakes, we very Welsh and honest, yeah, but I think. Do you think Wales is, like, being reduced to? your house and your head. Well, no, my mother's Italian, so I'm my half and half. But, yeah, but it's this eight. From Portobe, Swansea, that's Wales, that area. You're half Italian?

Yeah, yeah. Classian and even for Welsh yourself? Yeah. So, who's Italian? My mother's Italian. And is your dad, Welsh? Yeah. Oh, wow.

So my mother is Carmelina. My father is Norman. So that's how we're, uh... What's your mom and dad's call? Julian Mammat. You half Italian as well? Half Turkish. You've got an English accent, though, haven't you?

You haven't got a Welsh accent? It is a Welsh accent, because I'm from Wales and throughout to Wales. No, that's not how it works. I can't just start going, my name is Adam, this is his Scouse accent. No, I'm doing Jordie. Yeah, but that's not your actual voice, is it? You definitely can't do that. This is my voice.

I'm not putting on a voice right now. But, like, to me, that there's no Welsh in your voice. There is a little, there's a little North-Ailian. There's the odd kind of... He's about as Welsh as Orika Johnson is Swedish. I think that's fair to say. You're dad, too, is he good with the ice cream as not? They do that ice cream, they're doing the trip.

Yeah, when you're a fucking, when you're a kid, can have a chalk ice start? He's like, whew, right, he's like, what's got, can't. I'm the fucking chalk ice. We're here. We're here, chalk ice. You, fuck off, yeah, yeah. He did that with hugs.

Oh. Oh, no. I think when we did a turkey special, we're going to take you next week to meet Finn's Nan. Fuck off. We're not. He won't let us meet her and he's scared I'm going to fuck her.

That's what I'm scared of. What does she do then? What does my nan do? Just praise and like eat. Eat love and pray. She's single though. It's the wrong order. Whatever.

She's kind of single. Widowed single, isn't it? Is it single? Absolutely. Does she get pork daily by the same man? No pork, mate. Has you got carpets on the wall? What do you mean?

Is that you for me? Tapism. No, because Turkish people, they love, like, they love putting stuff on the wall, don't he? The carpet. They put bugs on the wall?

Rugs on the wall, yeah. Not like a DFS carpet, obviously, like a fucking, fucking grey carpenter. What the fuck is it? No, but it's like a... She got a recording studio

that's soundproofed. There's lots of rugs, but they're mainly on the floor. I'm trying to think of the walls. I'm trying to think of what the walls look like. Are you a rugby fan there, Finn? Not particularly. I played it in school as you have to.

They're not really well. Say you what, though? He went to see, well? He went to the Six Nations. Just lose to Ireland in the Six Nations. What a fucking game. That wasn't the principality.

You rugby fan as well. Rugby in Wales, I don't know what North Wales, or South Wales. It is a staple of, like... So I was in a pub once, like, this guy. They were in the World Cup years ago when South Africa played. And this guy, he's fucking insane.

He's had so many days off sick. And he loves rugby so much. If he phoned in sick again, he's losing job in the steelworks, right? Where we live. And he's like, oh, he said, I can't. I got a phone in sick. And I said,

well, I said, you can't phone. He said, I have to break my arm. I said, I'll have to break my arm. I said, he's got, fucking break my... See, this guy's a big fucking unit, right? When he says break his arm, you break his fucking arm, right? So he gets... The small part of a pool coup now,

he starts fucking hitting his arm. He's going, I fucking break my... So then we started beating his arm with pool cues, he couldn't do anything. He's like, ew. So someone suggested, right? They said, oh, we go out... It's South Africa out in Wales.

so we go outside, we'll drive over his arm, yeah? He's like, I'll drive my arm, right? There's one guy, he come, Moonhead, he come off night shift, he had an escort van, so how long ago was, and he's like, oh, he said, I'll drive over your fucking arm. So he's on the middle of the road now, drive on my arm, so the Moorhead fucking goes over his arm.

You're like, I'm fucking broken, and he said, reverse over it. Moorne goes, I'm not good reverse, and I go round the block, right? His guy now, he's laying here when he goes in the block, right? Comes round, I can, he has a fucking, like, he was 20 mile now

snaps his fucking arm now his arm's hanging down I said he gotta go to the fucking hospital he said fuck off the game's starting now he sat through the game with his fucking arm

hanging down here like that's how much people like rugby and stuff wills did he remember to ring in

he took a I think the old school four he took a photo a selfie like he's his boss like he's fucked up

like like he's had problems ever since now like he's got a fucking arm like I don't know worth it though is if he wouldn't

the game? No. That's it. Are you proper passionate Welsh? I'm proud to be Welsh. If Wales played Liverpool in the Champions League final. That's not fair.

Let's not do this. Why? Who would you want to win? You're thinking Liverpool? Well, you're Liverpool fine, yeah? Yeah. So would you rather Liverpool win the Champions League

or Wales rugby win the Rugby? Oh, rugby? Couldn't fuck off. Liverpool in the Champions League. All right, Liverpool win the Champions League or Wales qualify for the Euros. I've seen us

playing the Euros. Changes to win the Euros. Liverpool League or Wales Euro? I think I think I've got the thing because of being a Liverpool fan. I think if I supported like West Brom it'd be different. But Liverpool

they're not going to win the Champions League. But Liverpool has that thing ingrained in the kind of culture. I love the ante. Wales win the World Cup. Yeah. They win the Rugby World Cup and Eurovision is in real.

Whoa. Or Liverpool win the Premier League. It's still Liverpool, isn't it? He's not Welsh. As soon as I saw him, I thought, you fucking fraud. Hey, we're both fucking half-bloods. We're not full Welsh, either of us. I go Welsh air-hero.

I go Welsh hero. my hair's been, so every, every, I go an holiday next week, so I like to have a different air cut because I remember what all day was. And, uh, what did you say? It makes sense. Every time I go away, I have a different hairstyle because I remember where all day is.

And, um... So that in the pictures, you've got that hit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. I write them down then, like I had, uh, cornroads. So I said cornroads mal, yeah, 20, 21, whatever. So I write them all down. But they dive my hair.

But I was going for a surfer look blonde and when she pulled it up, my fucking... I'm filming, I'll be honest. I looked like Julian Assad when he's in the fucking embassy. My mate texts me, he said, you look like a 70 old piano teacher who I'm got a piano in brackets, pedo.

I said, that's fair enough. You look a bit like Einstein? Einstein, we know Jesus, DCS, but I look, what's the one? Oh, it's his name now. You touch your kids now? I can't even name now. Jimmy Saville?

Yeah, him, I look at him as well, do you reckon. There's a raven, like, but I can't shave it off when I get back. Who forgets Jimmy Saville? He's the king of the Pido Saville, in he. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you put some respect on that man's name. He's the, he's the Pido study.

He's like, you know, he's the top fucking... No, I think it's Messi and Ronaldo, Michael Jackson and Jimmy Saville. Jimmy Seval's got the numbers like Ronaldo, but Michael Jackson's got the flare, do you know what I mean? He built a fucking fairground in his house. That's messy, winning the Well, you reckon he, Jackson was a fucking pitiful do? He slept with children, his bed, and he admitted her.

If I said to you, Sandro, if I said to you, I never fucked a kid on anything to me, but I have a, I've got a fair guy, I know my back garden, and I do just invite kids from all over the country. They come to ours. We all stay in the same bed. I give them this, I've made my own cocktail, I call it Jesus juice, and we all just, we have a few glasses of that. It's basically like wine, but like, you know, the kids. kids love it. And then we all just go to sleep and the kids fall asleep

and then I stay up and do my own thing for the bit. But then we all have a big spoon. But yeah, not an untoward happens. Would you then, if there was ever, I'm not even saying immediately, I'm not even saying like, as I tell you that,

I'm not asking for your reaction then. I'm saying if, you know, a couple of years into you knowing that, you heard a rumor that a kid was accusing me of fucking him, wouldn't you then be like, I can believe it. Yeah, that's true.

But would he charge him to go on the rides or was it all fucking... There's a fast pass. Dick and he had one of them guys who lived there from Rill. Scream, we're going to go faster. He just lived in, fucking... In California, wherever they're wrong.

He shipped him over from Rill Fairground and he just lived... Scream if you want to go home. Where are you going on holiday, Sandro? Because I started following you just before you went to Alicante with the boys. And you, online,

Obviously, you've got the problematic pub in Ponte d'awi. You've got your podcast, it's all flying. But you also do, what I drink in a day? Now, and it makes me want to go and drink immediately, and at the very same time, quit drinking and never drink again. It's such a push and pull of emotions. And when you went to Alacanti with the lads, like, it was such, you know when you hate watch something, but like, and you know you enjoy watching,

I was like watching going, oh, he's going to do a second day and a third day, just genuinely, you know, you're going to. Are you going to survive your own drinking a day content? Right, yeah. Thing is, people... First thing, people think I'm on cocaine, but that slows you down. No, especially like the Europec

when you go broad. It's all fucked up. So I don't do all that. But what I... Throughout the day, when you spread, like, 30 drinks at the day, it's not a lot. It is problematic.

What I mean? If you start, so I have breakfast, I'll have... a couple of besecoes to get you back on the level. Well, I had a fucking row off the hotel guy. That's how his name. He probably wouldn't have a fucking wait or whatever. That's not the...

But I took the massive bottle of beseco over to the table and we're just pouring it. And they said, that's for the whole fucking restaurant. Like, so. Between four of us, you've done that in. But when you, when you spread it out throughout the day, it's not a lot of drink, really. 30 drinks.

How many awake hours are there in the day? I'd probably get up. What time you wait? A break-in-up? 10. And what time are you going to bed? 10. What time are you going to bed?

Four, five, probably. Okay. So that's 18 hours, let's say. It's not a lot. On the ale. Yeah, that's only, that's less than two drinks an hour. See, when you break it down. I had 24 that day, didn't I?

And that was in eight hours. You rushed it. Yeah. You rushed it. Well, the biggest drinkers ever knows. A guy who's drinking out at a workman's club. And he's drinking like, he's drinking like three different rounds.

rounds so like he'd get around with it when he'd get around so he had three rounds going to go and one day he had um he's at him like they carry him home he's fucked wherever they reckon he was like over 40 pounds so when the next day he was the only person drinking lager with a dash of lime small dash and he's only person in the pub drinking it and they went

through six bottles of Lecordley I should know how much do you drink there's six bottles I was like a fuck he can fucking my my we used to have a chalkwood thing we'd like right Pints, my Pints record like 34. In a day? Yeah, in a big session. Is that a holiday

session? Or is that a home session? I can't remember. Because what happens, when you get late then, you fuck. Ebby starts snorting wine then. Do you ever do that up here? No. Get a straw and you snort you snort for your nose, wine and now fucks you up. That's the end. That's the end of the road that is.

When you have a fucking... Not a massive glass. just a small little glass, up the fucking nose. And you're done then. Are you doing anything to offset you're drinking? Any exercise or training? Well... Do you ever take any time off it?

Well, I've got... I pay health insurance. I can have a new liver, probably, if I needed it. So I pay 50 quid a month for health insurance. I was worth of tests the other day. I reckon my liver's, like, not performing like it should be, though. I said, I don't know. Mr. Ford, you've been snorting why? It's really

affecting your livers. They said, well, he's been over the top of the doctor. Like, he just fucking keep on, don't he? And he said, we are looking at your liver and stuff, and it's like, not function as it should. And I said, what can I do? He said, you need a soft drink. So I told him what I drink. And he's like, oh, well, that's bad for a week.

I said, that's a day. He's like, fucking genuine. He's like, that's fucking bad. But then again, doctors are fat now, so who are they to say anything? really. They're not healthy how could you go into daughters?

Like my one is fucking fat as fat like you go like sweat patch on his tits and how can you tell him you don't drink? Like you're gonna fucking... Because it's do what I say not what I do in it?

It's like when you know it's like a football coach like Juergen Klopp can't play up front but he can tell you how to kick her in the goal. Well I don't class GPs

as doctors really it's all graph work really like you were with an headache they just headache this look at the screen, it's like, is it, is it brain cancer or migraine? And it goes down, it's just

all chart work. Are they the only two choices for the day? They may still have them things that go like that. Yeah. And what's your favourite colour? Yeah. Cancer. I haven't seen them all.

Cancer. There was, I think, I want to see the hospital it was, but in Wales is a, so I got circumcised. and I was younger, like that, right? And, uh, I mean, I was young, so it was like, there wasn't a lot of skin left.

They made a canary of snud, but I got circumcised. And I also, this is, this is a, this is a mad story, right? So, I also met, and I, I said, I did not always fucking fucked up, right? But, so I was in, at the hospital wherever, and this guy, he said, oh, can I have a look of what's going on wherever? And I always remember, I went in, like, a cupboard, like, like, all of blue roll and stuff. And I showed him my cock, and he's like, oh, and he just like, okay, and then he went, whatever.

And then an hour later, another guy pulled me in, and then he, they threw on here, whatever. Not a little photo, just like, what they're cutting off. So then I think I thought, but this guy, I was like, that the first one was a bit weird, right? Years later, my mate shot himself in the cock with a nail gun, right? and no contact yeah and I remember right

it's you want to have work but it was nuts right he was a carpenter as well so he's it's it's swollen them of them

Christmas time we have them chocolate logs yeah yeah it's that big it's swollen they had some vein

or something and he said I went over to see him like that and he said he said it's fucking weird like he said

this I was in in bed earlier, a guy come in, like, and he looked at the notes, and this guy didn't talk. I said, all right. And he said, uh, and he was like, and he showed him, he thought he was a doctor,

and he went, no. And he left. And I explained what this guy looked like, and he's like, yeah, that's him. But later, when he was in bed, the guy came up with Jamrody Polis and I dropping stuff off. So this guy, does he work there?

I don't know this guy Is he this? I seen him years ago and I had my fucking circumcision He's like, that's him But he's walking around Giving Jambole police up So I don't know if he's a doctor

And he double works He just does little dick checks Yeah Yeah, yeah I've seen a story the other day Talking about circumcision Does this fella Think he's Jewish

And there's no hyphen in that word by the way. They don't go to hospital or the Jews, do you? You're thinking of John Travolta? What's he? Scientology? No, you're thinking of... Jehovah's?

Rastas, don't give blood. Is it Jehovahes that don't go to hospital? No, no, I mean, they get the circumcision. The Jews do themselves. Oh, they buy it. Yeah. They don't do it themselves. They do the DA way, you know?

All right. But there's a fellow who's suing his parents for cutting his cock off. but the top of it the four skin and it was like I didn't consent to this and do you reckon

they're going to do an out-of-court settlement where they pay for them to get it put back on the same one is like a donation I think they'll have to just like prosthetic one I think they're going to use

a bit of Billy Bear ham or something same colour that's a fucking old reference so Billy Bear fucking ham yeah they're going to have to use like some sort of well lunch and meat

that's going to affect my decision because I've got a decision to make with my son's penis. What? What are you up? Finish the sentence? Because I'm circumcised. My dad was circumcised.

Jack's got some... It was yours medical? Some medical dick, mate. No, but was it a medical reason? My dad was like, well, I don't want to go... I don't want him going through what I went through. So that's why I got mine done at seven so I can remember it.

What happens there, though? Do you tell him what's happening? Obviously, you can't decide, But you go, listen, this is what's happening. No, no one explained it properly at all. But that was wrong, wasn't it? You don't like that? People didn't explain to you, surely. I know, but I'm not suing my parents.

No, I mean, should say to Jack. Also, they won't answer the letter. What happened to your dad, though? Because normally, the cock gets too big for the skin. With me, my skin outgrew my cock. Right, your skin kept growing. Yeah, and the cock didn't. So they haven't got it off.

Because normally it goes too tight, but they're like, that's just too much skin done it. We've got to fucking cut it back, like. It just looks like a fucking anteater. Why would you do anything to your son's cock? It's a great question. Why? Because a lot of people are circumcised, aren't they?

And it's for, like, cleanliness reasons. And if my dad suffered with it, too much foreskin that got infected, then he called it for me, and that was fine by me, and I like my little dick. That's the decision I've got to make, or do we just wait till this problem? But my dad had it go wrong at 19 when he was already shit. I think you get your dick from your mum's side.

It's like you're dead. Yeah, it's your mum's dad Yeah Right Oh, it's not my Oh, okay It's not my wife's dick If it's not medical

Or would you have to fucking Preet for them yourself? Yeah, we probably Yeah You know what I'm saying Would you not leave it Until he's like A little bit old

The way you can understand it Because you only Yeah I don't think any kids It's gonna be like With course Matt When he goes to Turkey See his nan

And you can take him over there Yeah just extend it You have teeth done You might get infected Or we just go 11 inches right now Turkey would probably be cheaper, like, then over you. Nice one. So the kids...

See, it's all... The kids are coming. You could put it all in one trip. My brother had his done in Turkey. His dick? Yeah. Oh, right. What do you mean?

Yeah, this dick, my brother's circumcised. I avoided that one. And he went to Turkey for it? Well, he lived in Turkey. Oh, right. Right. Yeah.

It's just called going of doctors there. Why is it really just then? Why don't... Why don't they like the skin? I don't get it? They say it makes... Like, it's very hard to get to... Smegman on your cock if you've got no foreskin.

That's in the Bible. That's in the Bible. Smeg. John 14. Like knob cheese doesn't really grow on a cock. It grows under the skin of your cock. So if there's no skin, you can't get cottage nods. Yeah, but aren't you going against God's will?

Did he want knob cheese? This is my sorts of arguments against you, cutting Jack's penis off, which I'm not doing. A couple of things I've got to correct you. You're cutting a bit of it. And it's not, you know, you're cutting a bit of it off. Do you know what your job either? Laura, I think he should be a eunuch.

He keeps humping the couch. You're cutting a bit of it off. Don't I mean? And I think we'd have evolved to not have force getting if we weren't meant to have it. That's my opinion. I believe in evolution.

It's not a religious thing for me. You need it. It's only made for a reason, isn't it? Does your bell end get cold in the winter, I think? Yeah, I've got a little hoodie for it. Man made, obviously. Got it off Timo.

So is it a conversation of him and Laura? whether you're going to get done. No, she's, we're not, we're not doing anything about it. I think we're just going to let it lay. Drake and I, they've ever fucked it up and chopped the bell end off or?

Yeah, 100%. You need to be, if you strike that off, you've got to be struck off. That is a of, if you chop some of the bell and off, would you try putting it back on or no, just fucking throw in,

not saying then? I think you just run out of the room and hope for the best. Not salient. There's some, um, he seems to be bleeding. A lot.

You know, you mentioned before the DIY store. Yeah. There's some acidic Jews who bite it off and they must have bitten a bit too far at some point. What's their pH? Well, they track about it? They bite it off. They do, yeah? The rabbibe bites it off. You're finding him, yeah. No, Joe, that's as a fan.

Does he see, isn't it? Or she's gone straight in for the kennel. And I've got any salt. The thing is, these rabbis not, they're all going to turkey, get the teeth done. He just be one top. Before, he's probably... I think if you bite you the foreskin, you can't, like, nimble on it

and they go, so then he's got to be one clean bite over there. Yeah, yeah. You can't just say... Surely they, like, loosen it. You know? What I mean, loosen it? Showing it, like, the trimming it,

and then he bites it off to finish. No? He's... Like, Ozzy Osbourne with a bat. It's just fucking chung, and it, it means? Fucking hell. What a job on his own?

Don't Google. What a job? That's not his only job. We all want a pension, but that's fucking taking the piss, you know? We all want work security, but no, we're chopping it on the kid's fucking bit, like, to me, it's a job for life. I bite babies four skins off, you know? Hey, mate, there's a 14-year gap on your CVA.

What were you doing? I was biting the knobs off, for you, lords. If I'd have been to Turkey earlier, I'd have done it in seven. With these gnashes. Have we seen, have seen the drones strikes, the Russians are sending drones over and stuff? We've seen that. Yeah.

I've seen Poland shot some drones down today. But there was a power cut yesterday and the power flipped on a couple of times and I, it was weird because my son went oh, I'm a bit scared because something beeped in the house and usually be like, yes, just the power going off but in the time we live in, the climate we live in, I was like, it's just a little bit of me felt nervous,

just ever so slightly nervous. That emergency alerted it did they do that, apparently sent like everyone's dogs mental. there's like dogs like fucking turning the TV channels and Wallace went mad like he doesn't react to things but he reacted a lot. How does it feel important at all?

Wallace doesn't react to things. No I mean like if my phone goes off he doesn't go mad. But like when my phone went off he went fucking. Well it's culturally different like the Russians they like they fly in I know that they fly but they fly in the drones over like over at different countries our countries are so much different

we fly drones over things to wind. I've been winding people up on Facebook and TikTok and stuff. So they are trying to like combat war and we just winding fucking Karen's up. Have you seen them? They fly a drone. It's like it's a fucking hilarious they fly a drone over and then they

come out fucking kicking off. That's what we do our drones. Then the Russians then are trying to kill people. That is what Russia are doing now. They're just trying to wind Poland up rather than like their next door neighbour. I wish they're throwing to kill people or they chase them yeah. And I think if a drone chase me to kill me

I wouldn't have the coward they all, they're like, when the drones, obviously they're the drone to shoot people, them drones, yeah? A Terminator? Yeah, they like, they're like crying on that. But I think that's the last footage

you ever, you ever go. Your kids are going to see that. So I think if the, if the drone's coming over, are you like, you fucking want to go, you can't. What's the point? What's the point of being all, oh my God, I'm scared. I would like, you want to fucking go, can't.

Because my kids, They're like, oh, my dad's a legend. He died a hero. He died a hero. He fucking, you know, I mean. He ended in a shadow box as well. Then we get, what do you think her drone is?

In the Ukraine world, that's what they... They're quite higher. No, they are... They zone in. They've got explosives on them. And they just... Well, they're fucking evil, right? So they hover.

That's when they do all the cowardly stuff. Oh, I'm rushing, I'm rushing. They've got... They're controlled in. They zoom in. And they fuck... There's like a Russian soldier, like, cowering from it. And it just goes, ha, you can't get away.

And he's got a camera on it, and the videos are online. I'm not saying that, I thought you. It becomes propaganda as well as a weapon. Because then Ukraine, like, send that advert. They do, like, some sponsor Facebook posts in Russia. And go, look what happens to your uncle Billy. It was gone to golf. He's a fight, 10 foot, Willie.

What do you think, like, if you got kids in Russia, like, and they're like, oh, my dad's a hero. And then they saw that. They're like, oh, my dad's fucking scared. Scared of drones. My dad's like, you want to fuck. My dad was all daddy die

on the fucking drone. Just jump up it. Just be a shot at a box a bit of fucking... Hearded a drone off the house. Yeah, yeah. Imagine if that worked and that was the footage

and you come home, you're like, turn and tell you on. Got something to show you? And it's just you fucking absolutely clearing a drone like John said. What are you got to do though, I think?

If I was in charge of water and all that, I'd go like, you've got to go like guerrilla warfare in a way. So I'll tell a quick story what happened years ago so there's a guy in what I'm from he's he was a mental case right just beat up out says go around fucking bashing everybody up yeah he's like scared of him yeah so what happened like he go in a pub literally and he he's like I'm he's fucking

hit someone he's nuts right so what happened one of the boutsers I'm not travel this guy he was beating up wherever and so one day this bouncer's wife worked in the chemist and he looked at him and she's like I recognize that name and he found out this guy is really allergic to peanuts yeah but he could die right but no one knew

so what happened then he came in the pub one day and he's gonna fucking kick off and the bounces like four of them he's like yeah fuck it and they all went in their pocket and they pulled out

packs of peanuts yeah this is a true story and he's like oh don't fucking don't don't he's like what do you want trouble do you want a peanut or

It sounds like a Dennis the Menace Clause. And then ever since then, he's lost his power. Like, now he doesn't go drinking and stuff because the power's in the peanuts. So I, what I mean is, we should do that in war, like, find out because medical's free. Like, you know. Find that what Putin's embarrassed about?

If they got a fever, just like, you know, fuck with umpuffolars in their fucking pockets or, I don't know, peanuts or there's so many things you can do, and they don't know. So this guy, basically, like, you know, his nickname now is Peanut. And then he's done, like, he's crazy. He's crazy one day before the peanut thing happened,

and he was like, when he was still hard as fuck. Me and my brother ended up in his house on Christmas Eve. And is it Christmas, it's called Christmas Eve, yeah, yeah. It didn't sound right now. So we end up in his house, right? This guy, he was nuts, right? When he said, you go to his house. to go to his house

and what he always done he had a big bunch of keys and he'd lock every window and door in the house and he couldn't leave the house he'd lock everything and one day someone this is true story

one day someone knocked the door delivering a DHL pass and he brought him in and if he did a line of coke he wouldn't let him leave he's you know he's a fucking he's a geologist like he's locked out of him

so basically Christmas Eve at his house his mrs. walks in and she's like fuck it hell my brother and stuff there I was like, oh, you're taking the fucking business Christmas evening

and she, like, stormes out. And I'm like, we'll go. You see, we're going nowhere. No one's going anywhere. We're going to beat fuck into the Christmas turkey, right? So I was like, he went in the fridge, he had this massive, like, Christmas turkey,

like, I'm being cooked. And we just beat the fuck around his garden. But I, but the thing is, he's so nuts. Like, if he says, beat the turkey, you beat the turkey. At one point, I, like, I pedigree. did onto the concrete we fucking itting and everything, right?

But he was mental, like, he was, what was weird? Like, we were laughing and, like, oh, we fucking bash to him. But he was, like, psycho talking to the turkey. Like, you think you're fucking big pot. And he, like, fuck, I was like, weird. But what happened? So, anyway, we went home.

We backed, the turkey was everywhere, by the way, the turkey, like, the legs were off for the meat, all the guy, we just fucking, at one point, they're like, I, uh, I, yeah, like, No, we, I've never, it wasn't, it, we batted it. There was no other, one, one, one, do you ever remember, um, we, fuck our turkey, basically.

And at one point, we like, we, so, that's never thing, what, Well, I'll tell the story. We had a coffee table, I guess, and me and my brother would armoured, get the table, remember the double-d-the-d... Get the tables? Yeah, get the table! And we put the turkey through the table in his living room, right?

It's only a small table. But anyway, the next day I wakes up now. When you wake up, you'd be, like, fighting us something. My fucking, my hands are out there, Christmas day now. All my elbows fucking, I was like, what if my brother come in? He's like, fucking hell. He said, do you know what we've fucking done yesterday? I was, I was like, no, we beat fucking a so-and-so's turkey.

I was, it come back to me. I was like, oh, my fucking, he said, look at this fucking photo. His missus now puts a video, a photo of all of that on Christmas dinner. And she says, or, I go season him, so-and-so, he pulled it off again, come in, the full dinner was cooked. When we left the sixth of the morning Christmas day, he collected the meat from the garden and cooked the fucking turkey. his mrs come back he's done the full fucking dinner

he cooked the fucking two we had the turkey on her head everything he was fucking nuts I had the photo there's a photo my brother was running around the house head butt in his water we put it through a table and now his mother-in-law's

like and they all end a guy and they all got a turkey I was like I beat fuck out of that turkey I tombstone a pair degree, it was mental. But anyway, going back to the peanut, he's insane. And what I mean is warfare, you've got to do the warfare shit, yeah.

Crazy. Right. You know, if I'm beaten a turkey, you haven't lived, I can't wait to come down to Tadawi. I'm going down at the end of April. I'm coming down to play the problematic pub and do the podcast. I'm so excited and scared.

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And just looking spaced out Well I made myself a strong coffee He's a day, Kirstie City of West Coast coffee. As I mentioned, Cursedy C, he's blood, did you know, on caffeine? A shout out, Kirstie C. Now, Sandro, you're a man who I could see as mayor of Port Talbot. But if you were... I was sorry, mayor, I was like, yeah.

Yeah, I was for breathing. Can you ever see yourself running for an office? Um, yeah, I could. Probably. I probably witnessed him at all, but, like, One thing is the bins, you know, to get the bins done, you're done. Is there a bin issue in Port Obama?

Yeah, sometimes. It's a strong manifesto. What happened? One area we're tall, but they say they lock their... Because what happened? There's like lanes. They lock the lanes. They go like gates.

Yeah. Because people will come in and steal rubbish and stuff. Steal rubbish? Yeah. I know. It's mental. I don't understand it either. People are stealing it was rubbish

and fucking chucking the floors. stuff so they lock away the roof. The thing is, you know rough air where they lock away the fucking rubbish like yeah, the back back alley's locked up. Yeah, locked up uh, thousands. No, does it? We've got we've got, we've got, I think it's being opened.

Oh shit! It's like Indiana Jones. Well, you've got to back Ali? No, his wife has. Indiana bounds, maize. In the ass. Well, you got, back your house, you've got to, you lock it up to do. What's this? Oh, Ali's a lot. I think he's worried this is going to get the closed again. The thing is,

you know, the old Port Talbot Council they'll lock it up again. You know what I mean? Yeah. Wait. Laura won't let you, my mind. You look like a man. You look like to get mad. Like recycling or? You look like a good recycler. I can imagine you with all your different pots and pans. You know why I'm a good recycler?

Because otherwise, the bin gets too full. China. Yeah. Because of China. Yeah. Yeah. Have you got... Because otherwise, China. You got the full of bin, sir. You got those four bins. I've got the grey bin for everything, and then I've got two red bins.

That's the glass recycling and the plastic, and then two blue bins. I don't know how. The council just dumped a red and blue bin. We're only meant I have one each, and they just left two on the front, and I was out there like a fucking bandit. Astoram, put it on the little...

No. In the alley, way behind my house, like, there's like a ginnle, an alley, an entry there, yeah. And all of, all of my... as bins are there and what I do is I just use theirs what a dream you are

well you just took them in the rubbish just put one bin bag in each one none of them know it to me I refuse to believe that what you mean you don't do that everything about it came to my house because someone told people I was doing that and that was a lie and that made me a shame then what was a lot have you got bins yeah you use other people's bins

so there's like in in the alleyway that I'm talking about there's probably 12 hours worth of bins, yeah, so... It's 12 bins. Yeah. Well, you can't be asked. It's actually 36 bins.

Oh, three bins each. Oh, yeah. Mathematician at all. And a bin rat. So, yeah, like the general waste, one in each one, then they're spreading the cost of my renovation bin usage. And then, you know, because I'm probably going through about 15 bins a week. So three fills mine. What are you doing? Why are you doing? Why are you a bit on the internet?

Well, have you got a per bit of a bit? Is that purple pin is a big thing, Liverpool, now? Yeah, it's a sign of being in Liverpool, yeah? Right. And who was the guy who died? Blackie? He's a bin man, was he? That's something...

It's beautiful. That someone told me... It's beautiful. That someone told me... It makes sense. Because I was asked him out. I said, no, I don't know what he is. He's like, what...

He wasn't a bin man. He was a sex offender. He was a sex offender man. So why are they calling him purple, then? Well, this is the thing. I don't know where this guy is, by the way. So it's a very racist thing. First of all, years ago,

there was a lot of racism where people would be called purple if they were very black. It's like he's so black, he's purple. Right, okay. And purple-like he was a very black man. He's black, is he? Yeah, he was.

It's a racist term. Just to clear up, Sandro, the guy wasn't purple. Literally. And he was in the bin, man. And also, this is how stupid racists are. his name is purple acci which is P. Acky

I've never thought of that yeah so he was he was black and he would get called both purple and what did he do what did he do how is he famous then

he's a podcast how is he famous he's a podcast he used to he used to grab he used to host gladiases he grabbed men's muscles that's John Fanching

what he grabbed men's muscles So he basically... He never grabbed you then? He had a... No. I'd have fucking smashed his head in. He's trying to see any problems coming away. You don't need binoch in his own.

Oh, they're here. He would go around the streets and to gyms and he had a fetish for muscles and he'd make... Let me grab your muscles. To the point where... Jim, strong, Allen, Solomon. Yeah.

The police told him to stop. And then one day he chased... The fucking howl. He chased a group of children through the streets and they ran across a train track to get away from him. Won't get it by a train and died. That's a genuine story.

Bloody hell. He's good running as well then. This guy's multi-talented like fucking Ali Clegg's bit as he runs. Then he became like a myth. So like it was like kind of like the boogeyman like how purple he'll get you. And no one knew who's real.

Why he died? Not why you died. What I mean? What was he died? Finally he just died in his house like in the phone zone. know, yeah. He used to always kind of a Tesco background.

I'm going to picture off him once he's told him to delete it. Yeah. He's like a Carl T. Roet, no, he's a selfie with him behind me. But people don't like him, do they? No.

Or didn't like him, sorry. Uh, yeah. People were made to. He's like the guy of Bake Off, the one... Paul Hollywood? Yeah. Yeah, it's just like Paul Hollywood.

Do you mean Greg Wallace? People know it, but don't like him. Greg Wallace. Greg Wallace. Master Chef. Yeah, he's... I think he means Paul Hollywood. Oh, you're on, bone hand.

I'm going on the ball. Basically, imagine like the boogey man. Oh, Greg Wallace, sorry. But he's real. But he's just a guy. Greg Wallace, oh, he wasn't a chef for. Anybody, he's a green grocer.

What annoyed me, anybody could taste food. For me, the lowest, the lowest content ever is people eating fucking food. Isn't most of your content, drinking beer? That's what happened.

I tell the story, what happened? These three fat people from wettles, who go around eating things but they were always like nice food they go, I'm going to chip me and they'd fucking shove their face and they'd have hundreds of thousands of things

I said the same and I said I reckon I can do that drinking but I'll do what... They are doing what I eat in the day I'll for laugh, I'll do what I fucking drink the day I bet laugh and I just fucking... It's just like... But the content of that it goes

stand-up comedy is the best content then it's podcasting then it's sewing then it's drinking, then it's musical. Because if you can sing, that's not a talent, and then it's fucking eating at the bottom. If you can sing, that's not talent. Yes.

If you're going to sing, I don't class that as a talent. I don't class that as a skill, not a talent, sorry. Why? Because it's your voice. I know what he mean? Do you know what I mean?

If you play guitar, yeah, you've learned that skill. But you can learn to sing better. can't you? Like, I have. Like, I'm not good now. I just used to be a lot worse. Well, you've had lessons. I've just picked up a couple of vibes, you know? Yeah, guitar lessons and sing lessons. We didn't go to them. We did book them.

What are you? You got guitar lessons as well? I'd like some guitar lessons. I think piano's the one you want to play, you know? Yeah. See, someone dies then? You just walk in and they start fucking... I could have got. My mother's died again. He's crying. Oh my gosh, you can't forever. And I just walk in the tree.

church, I get up, and I just jump on the organ, and I start playing, like... There was a teenage wedding, and a old phone with... She's just a teen, but it's like, I think that is such a skill of, like, just walking room and just fucking playing piano, or playing the fucking, what's it called, the organ? The organ, yeah. Do you agree with that?

No, I'd rather play the drums. I just did that at your funeral. There's no drum kids about, is there? Like, in a foyer of a... In a foyer of a Porsche hotel, there's all the piano about. There's not drums. Yeah. railway stations.

Railway stations. And I don't know if I respect those guys or hate them a bit. The ones that are really good, I respect, the ones that are a bit, they're all right, you're like, well you do. They want to do dance music and they've got to fuck off. Do you ever think that?

I think I'm the other way around. Yeah, if someone's just all right today, I'm like, oh, sick, you're just all right to that and you've gone, oh, fuck it out. The ones who are really good, I'm like, you shouldn't be here. If you're that good, go and do it for a living off. Yeah. It's a bit like showing off.

if you're barely good. It's like people do karaoke. It's like... Adam's never ever the piano. It's like karaoke, right? What fucking winds you up. People who are professional singers, well, they're singing pubs.

They go up and they give it all fucking large on karaoke. Karaoke's not meant for that. Carriogic's meant for looking at a cunt. Do you know what, Sandro? We've done a four or five karaoke parties. We like a good balance of when someone can nail it. Yeah, but, yeah.

Like, was it Anne-Marie? Annie. What's her job, or she's a singer as a job? No, I don't think so. Oh, that's right, then. I don't mind that. Free. Set you free.

Set you free. That was a... It went off. It went off. And then some kid murdered a song after that, and it's equally fun. But if you have everyone who's a professional singer, you're right, that gets a bit dull.

Yeah. And if everyone is absolutely killing it, like strangling the neck off every song, that I think that's a long three hours. The skill of karaoke is doing, in Wales anyway, you do Tom Jones. Emigo's metal. Well, the skill of the karaoke just gone.

When Alex Tai... Yeah, Alex Tai, yeah. Alex Tai did... Angel. Angel by Shaggy. And it's one of the best singing impressions I've ever seen. And it was probably culturally insensitive,

but fuck me, it went off. Shaggy. Shaggy's not Jamaican OZ. He's in Burry Port. He's from where? The same page that I'm about about. Shaggy. Mr. Lover, lover.

No, I'm a wrong one. I think something else. I think, I'm thinking of a guy to Man, I'm someone fucking insane then. Do you not think it's easier to sing well if you're doing, like, an impression? Yeah. Do I mean?

I can't sing, but I can do an impression of the Kings of Lyon. Go on, go on. It's like the way it says, every sings you like, in fact, oh, like. Is this what we were talking about when that happened?

Yeah, it will have been, yeah. I just think it's easier to sing as someone. one else than me. That's why all British people sing with an American accent. So you can do Kings of Leon well? Yeah. That's a band, didn't it? One person is...

I'm roaming around, always looking down in all I see. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, and belly. Adam Pull your Mark, Morrison, else. Pess is a lot. I can do Vic and Bob doing Kings a Leo. Pull your Mark Morrison out of them, come on. This is the one. Pears were just singing, boo.

Do you know who Mark Morrison is? Return of the Mac. Return of the Mac. Yeah, yeah. You lie to me. Oh, my God. He'll be full of this. He's been a lot of my...

Yeah, la do, do, do, do. That word, yeah. 25 years in prison, he did. Well, he's been a prison of you? Nelson Mandela. He's doing his one. Well, Mark Moore. Mark Morse has been a prison.

Yeah, yeah. Paul Tux. Why has you got a prison for? No, he sounded like Nelson Mandela, did he? Oh, sorry, sorry. Yeah. So good luck in the mayoral elections of Port Talbot, is what we... Good luck with the bins.

If... Solid 13 minutes of gas leak. Sandro really sucking it in. What executive orders you got? If you're present of the world, just for a dear, just for a lovely little day. Right. What would you push through, Sandra? Old people.

I think it is, I know about... I don't, well, in Wales, they live in, like, before, every die of 60, huh? And as the years have gone on, people live in too long. So my exact order be, if you're old, you stay in the house. But if you do go out and you're in the fucking way, you get softly tasered. Yes. Because it's like you win shop, I think it's fucking stop. Another ones who fucking do my nothing is,

we don't have someone, and she gets out to the car, and she watches her husband reverse. in Tesco's, but if we've got to have someone to watch you out in a parking space, you shouldn't be fucking driving. And everyone just met in, old people...

By the way, Harry's nodding at this like he's some fucking expert driver. Harry's like... On planes, right? Like, for some fucking reason, old people, when... No new stop and they go, they get up,

stay in your fucking seats, yeah? This woman stood my fucking head in, her husband. And he, like, look if they're bag, and really fucking like old and the old plate up so I grabbed no like there's a stick

like it was something's walking stick and I just fucking scooped it onto him you hit them you hit the old person with a stick now he pushed the bag onto them oh boy I pushed this guy you must have been an Xbox or something

because I went like that with the fucking the bag and it ate him and he sat a shadow boxing so I got the stick and I just like got a luggage I just like hit the fucking bag on his head

and he's like going like this all he was having to fit I don't know what what happened but they they must have been a former box it was me

but you agree you agree with that when old people they're in the fucking way isn't he yeah yeah yeah do you mean I think once you pass seven

you shouldn't leave the house or you get softly like softly tears that's not like the fucking I think that I think that's where you're going to win a lot of, like, support with this. It's not too violent. It's just the soft tasering that we can have just to give them a...

Yeah, there's a quick, like, fucking jam in an heck. Just give them their own places, like a little old town. Old town. Old town. There is... There is... Times go to old town, now, no, no. It's not a village.

No. That's the executive order. We just get rid of a fucking place that everyone doesn't need. North Wales? North Wales. empty north wales of all all people under 70 and fill it with everyone over 70 from the entire united kingdom it'd be easy you want to live here anyway no but do i do the people in real have to stay there no you have you have to leave oh it's like mandatory evacuation money wise or it'd be easy to do

this retirement hellhole because if everyone's got all the same as you just book you buy in bulk so you buy like 20,000 lasanas and you give them the same meal every day and they're like, oh my God, out of lasagna and ages, you had the SD and then you book the same entertainer you just, everything is just fucking one day. Oh so it's not...

All old people have to live in a town. North Wales is one big old people's home. But actually, every day is Christmas. Yeah, because they've all got dementia. Yeah, yeah, they all got dementia, fucking, oh my, it's Christmas. Yeah. And I think it is what...

By the way, that is, I've never thought of this. Why isn't everyday Christmas for people with dementia? Every day should be the best possible day. Yeah? And British farmers, turkeys constantly.

It's keeping British farmers in work. I keep the boxing club in these. And you don't think of the people they employ to chew the food. So who works at the old people's home if no young people are like it? Oh, it's just... They'll just be all right.

You have the ones and... And if they pissed themselves? who's asked, everyone else already has? What you get? You get Lino everywhere. Lino's everywhere. What age are you forced into the North Walesan old age camp? 70. 70.

Lino with like a little runoff, like a footy pitch. Yeah. He runs into the grids. And every day we sing Tom Jones. I want to be there as well. You get some gigs. Yeah. He's a lovely boy. Yeah, yeah. The 70 seem a bit young for you

because that's creeping up. 26 years. 26 years left. I think is you good... How long have you been doing Sandal? You fucker. Old man. It's the length of Finn's like... It's Finn. It's Finn. Yeah, it's me.

Hi. You're on a Finn away from... Oh, you live in Little. You stayed in Rill? I am. That's insane. Yeah, it is. Real is mental in it. It's like... It's heroin everywhere. Isn't true that South Wales very rarely comes up for North Wales? So, like, it's... If I come up... Well, I've had so many... I've done a gig in... was it banga? Banga, is it?

Banger's in Northern. Yeah, fuck, getting people. Anyway, I went out and did a gig up there. Because they got a couple of castles up here, but they haven't got the cast that we got. I think it's, in Wales, it's, they think. I had no argument with a Welsh woman up there because she could speak Welsh,

and she was like, on more castles and that. And I was explaining the Philly Castle down here is better than the one. What's the one by Banga, the... Banger Castle? Conway Castle. No, Conway. That's a nice castle.

Next door, yeah. The smallest pub in the world opposite here. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's... That's a fucking lie as well because I've got a back room. Anyway. I've got the hand of the guy.

I said, I was more about there's a fucking back room with a fucking, anyway, long story. But what I mean is Welsh people, north and south, we have that rivalry

of castles and like Welsh language. And the thing is, can they speak the Welsh language up here? Don't get me wrong. Yeah. I don't speak, do you speak Welsh?

No, not really. Turkish, no. I speak more Welsh than Turkish. Do you? Yeah. What's, uh, hello, Turkey? Meribah. Class.

So... I don't want to live in the pub at the pub but Merrima... What I mean is, North is it's a kind of like... It's not a rivalry. It's a bit like Everton to Liverpool. It's kind of like...

It's a friendly rivalry, do I mean? Yeah. And it's... I think it's very funny. Like, do you remember Jason Manford's old bit? So I'm just going to ham it. I'm just going to hash it out on his first ever. Oh, it's a bit that we...

We quote a lot. And he's like, uh... He goes, everyone ate everyone who's about half an hour away. It's like Liverpool, Lake Manchester, but then as soon as York should get involved, we become weird from the north-west. And then as soon as, like, anyone from down south gets involved, it's like, well, we're northerners, aren't we? And if Scotland or Wales get involved, it's like, oh, we're English.

And if the French get involved, it's like, oh, fuck off, we're British. And he's like, I think the only time the whole planet will be united when we get in baili by aliens, we're like, hey, fuck off, coming down here, shagging our women with your free knobs. Have you seen the alien spaceship that's come in? What? What? Breaking news. This is insane, right?

There's a fucking spaceship. It's coming between October and November. It's coming in our atmosphere or whatever. And it's fucking oud, right? It's like a size of an Aldi, apparently. It's not an asteroid. But not the small Aldi's a big ones. Oh, right.

It's definitely not an asteroid. It's a spaceship. No, 100%. Well, they... They said they can't understand how it's called Etric. It's got lights and all that. It's fucking nuts.

It's got a lit sign. Aldi. Honestly, if it's come in, they're fucking having it. I'd be like that. We weren't. But last thing, every slags wheels off,

but no one's coming to Wales. Aliens now, it's like, it's like they come in, where they're going to go to America or maybe London. They're not going to come to Wales. And if they do we're ready for him. So I can you expand on?

this alien ship is coming they don't know if they don't know if they don't know if it's going to pop in or it's going to go past it's coming it's coming it's coming in orbit wherever you coming in bing bang oh i've got to get down well lad i'm got to get it's a size of like the big aldi like and it's coming but where's it come from what well we haven't asked them yet they haven't come they haven't come close but they try to like they They're trying to throw... Communicate with it. Yeah, yeah.

They're throwing stuff. They want to throw stuff out of it, but they try to get... They're trying to know what's going on with it. But if it comes, I'm fucking well up for that. The size of an Aldi. Can we use the go... There is a story.

There's a story. Harvard scientists believe an alien spacecraft could be approaching Earth soon. Size of a big Aldi. It's unidentified what it is. They think it's either an alien craft or more likely a comet, but they can't actually see it yet.

It's called lightsore. It's got spark. Thixon's no one. It's either an alien ship or it's a comet with ferry lights because I've logged in here and it's lit up. It says there's unusual behaviour.

Christmas comet. Yeah. Wow. So what are we going to do? The sky where they don't want to land is I'm sending me your way, mate. Glasgow Lymphooli, haven't it? They landed Lippooley getting fucked up.

Just on the subject of space. Oh, here we go. On a recent episode, I discussed the possibility of like sending are rubbish into space. Did I say to Mars or something?

Yeah. I thought you should just said out to space. So I've come up with a better idea to think. Here we go. Unmanned, so automatic spaceship. I thought the first one was, but go on. We said it was? Who's doing the bin, Laurie?

No, that was bin men, taking it out and then coming back. Oh, right, right. Look, as I said... I've got to be on for tea. Hell of a reverse. I was intergalactic bin men Now

Intercollecting bin men Hello Bing Bang Why don't we just fire it into the sun What have you been watching? What have you been watching Because this is in a film or something I've said I have Like this is

I swear to God I haven't seen movies on this There's a TV show Or something And my brain is a doing Are you thinking about a place in the sun Like the Yeah That's the one

Yeah, that's the one. What's the one? They sent people the people who drill stuff. They train them to be assail. Yeah, but then in the interview they send them the guy, so wouldn't it be easier to train an astronaut to drill?

And the guy kicked off. Yeah, yeah, Ben Affleck told him to shut off. Yeah, because it's true, isn't it? But if you fire the rubbish into the sun, it'll just burn up every time. But it won't ever stink of rubbish? It's milder, and it will, yeah? Just don't go.

Why did it put rubbish with breeze blocks and sing here. Yeah, the Mariana Trench is quite everything. How far are we from the sun just out of interest? Because it's going to be a hell of a shot, isn't it? Are we, how many hundred thousands of miles? 150 million kilometres. Oh, just 150 million kilometres.

A little to the left there, Jeff. Part of time it gets there, we won't even be there no more. No, it won't matter. Just the big line of them. So even when it hits, we won't even know. Do you attach to the new bin back to the end of it? Do you believe genuine, like, if you had to say, Like someone said, you know, you either pick one

or your ears getting cut off. It is, uh, nor that someone's saying, fucking chop, chop, chop. But is it, would you reckon there's life out there, though? Yeah. Yeah, that is. Do you reckon? That has to be.

What about Jesus, oh? I don't think Jesus is out there. No. Oh, was, was... I think Jesus is an alien with a wig. My, my dad. Oh, you're an alien with a wig. My dad, uh, my dad, uh, my dad, thinks Jesus was an alien.

I think he was. Start the podcast. My dad does. And he says his evidence for it is what it says in the Bible. He's like, so these three fellas, yeah,

they're fucking walking around. There's this big light in the sky, shows a beam down to the ground, they think we'll fucking follow that. We'll take him some buddies and that. We get there, they're a barn. It's like, oh, just had this baby.

No, don't worry. Come on my pussy and that. But, like, I've never been fucked me either. So, you know, there's so many people who quote the Bible and quote, like, a Tehran. What's it called? The Tehran. What's it called? The Turan, Janjan.

The Tehran, Rever. It's like, no one reads them. I don't think anyone's reading the Tehran. They should do audio books and clip it. Or like the best bits. Yeah, the best bits. Oh, yeah. Clip in the clip.

Because every says, oh, this app and that happened. And no one knows what the fuck's going on. Like, who really reads it? Who reads? Muslims? What you mean is you haven't read it? Have you read the Bible? Yeah?

No, but I am on... I do get a lot of... Do you understand what? Amy's all about the Bible, but no one's really fucking read it. Is it... What's in the middle? Is it empty the middle?

Is it you get the middle? Because no one's got the middle. Is it anything there? Is it a picture? That's why we have priest because they tell us what they've read. There's a little hammer in the middle. Shall we do another executive order?

I am on Christy and TikTok. I get a lot of Christian Toch. Have you seen the... Christian Festival. Have everybody seen this? Christmas? No, there's a Christian, there's a Christian festival in, uh, Midlands or something. I don't know where it is, but basically all these fucking, I'll just put this away. Basically, all these people, they go to this festival, they don't fucking drink.

They're all, they're all camping, sober. It's insane. It's true. And they all come in sober. They go to this, fuck, they go to this. tent and they fucking pray like you're all fucking nuts genuine that's true

you've never been religious yeah my family my uh my auntie's uh jova close the door jehovah close to those yeah did she marry into it my family's no very Italian

and what happened is that someone knocked it does fucking work mind the knock of the door shit because he fucking fell for it and uh someone knocked her door Italy and she's a Joe witness but she's lovely but it's too much like

but it's good for me because I don't buy a birthday presents yeah they don't celebrate it's very very cheap Jehovah's knock on my door once a month I'd say what they say? I don't open why don't you just answer it one day and fill me I don't think they want me to

you got a ring doorbell yeah but I can't what and do what it's disrespect them do I I just don't want to talk to them I don't want to talk to them I don't want to be disrespectful so I just ignore them.

I walk out the window and then you look at me and they go it might be the council in the bins again. No it's the same family. They want you mate. They believe in the cross sea. They believe in the log. What? They don't

because they're hard when it is that like back in Jesus day they wasn't like DIY and shit so they reckon they reckon he died on a log they stuck him on a fucking stick. That's the only difference.

They dispute the cross? Yeah, there's no there. He was pencil diving. Basically, he was the A, not the Y. Basically, he's on a fucking stick. And they reckon he didn't have any friends with him, he's on his own. It's a lonely log.

They're knocking on yours every week. I'd say once a month. Once a month. It's the same family. And I've got Jehovah's two doors down who don't even fucking knock on once. You don't shit me. That's what they say.

At least I'm going. Yeah, it's my window cleaner. If they knocked up mine, I'd open it and be like, hey, I will talk to you for as long as you want. You can try and come into me, but can I film? I opened the first time. Full camera crew there. We've been expecting you, John.

They always started with the mad sentences. Like, do you want to know about why? They all started weirdly. And I was like, oh, no, sorry, I'm not interested. Do you like, squirrels being bummed to death? Yeah, I'm like, well, then you should. But then every time they knock now, I just love doing them. that end all suffering.

I'm like, oh, I'm sure we can deal with this on the doorstep. What are you like Ketashis? It's called. Takeshi? Yeah, they can't ask them when you give them five doors. I think I'll run a one. And if they get through,

they get a talk about God. I have a challenge for you, Mr. Jehovah. There's five doors. You must run. And Jehovah's and Mormons the same? No. Mormons, they found a book, didn't he? Yeah.

Dun, dun, dun, dun, done. Jehovah's witness there. I think they're all over the top. let's go fucking chill out with Christian Ebby just like yeah a bit of fucking beef a bit of arm wherever

you can I mean you could eat where you want can you when they start fucking with the food I'm like you can fuck off if I go somewhere I want a pulled pork roll I'm having a fucking pulled pork roll you're not fucking

and a drink as well like Sandro's just an ounce tall date in Saudi Arabia keep in them the pole parked up when he finishes so if they knock on yours now you'd open and go on

Yeah, I'll be like, hi, mate, you're all right And he'd be like, I'm going to tell you about the Bible No, no, no, no, no, they don't sound like Oh, we play that song, knock, knock, knock in our heavens do We've got to stop podcasted I think they're a Nigerian family And you have not let them in Is that the rule?

I mean, come on No, they're not, and I was like, no If they, you, are you wasting their time? I'm not. You're not interested? How do you know? I'm open-minded. They just want to talk about it.

They like talking about it. Yeah? That's not what they're doing. They're trying to convey you to their... They think they've got a sick story that you have an egg. What's the best religion, though? They're basically... They're early podcasters.

They're just going around. I mean, like, you want to hear this, lad. What's the most fun legend? It's going to be the Scientology's the most fun one in here. I don't know anything about Scientology. Because Tom Cruise is, like, short as fucking he. Apparently, if you're high up in it, you get your own planet at the end of it, don't you? Yeah, that sounds good.

I bought a planet, though? Oh, okay. On TikTok shop. You can buy... I don't know if I legally own it, but I've bought a cannabis court to look for it. Would you want your own planet though?

Yeah, you could buy it on TikTok shop. I'm struggling to mum, my lord. And you can become a lord. You can buy your lumber. He's a lord. Who? You? Finn bought me a lordship for Christmas.

Did you change your passport now? No, I didn't. I might now that I've talked about it. So a guy I know from where I live, he bought, his wife bought over Christmas, and legally you can change your passport and your thing and when you check in hotel

they upgrade you and everything. Really? Genuine, they upgrade you everything. Oh, I'm doing it. Yeah, Lord. I might do it before I go now, so you have to do it when I get along there. Sandra, tell all our listeners

where they can find you and your pod and stuff. All right, oh shit, I got, can I just plug a date me over for something? Hold on. It's the problematic pub podcast. Problematic pub podcast, probably pub.com for the comedy clubs or whatever. But I am in hot water.

doing a live podcast on the 27th of November lovely to date now it's like I've sold out ready pro on say yesterday so probably be so done when does it go out two weeks okay but it is still available there

yeah and then Sandra Ford online popular podcast problemopadcom that's it really give Sandra a follow it's really fun stuff but I get out of Finn what comes to singing this week we've got another dance tune this is by

Digging for Kanky. They're influenced by Massive Attack, James Blake, and the streets. This is their tune, Send Me Away. Okay, guys, this is Digging for Kanki and their hot tune. Set me away. Marvelous! As I drown in the wake of a broken day, where the shadows dance and the sunlight fades away,

I'll pave the way, just stay. Alone in a rave. With a hope that my soul will be saved. Tonight's not time to be brave. I'm just riding a wave As I give myself away To a symphony and bass All so simple in its place

Take me to space Take my hand I'm blasting away Sweet words bleed out of your face And the pale is erased No more space in the grave Grey as we enter the fray One more crack in a black heart At the break of the day

As a friend would say One more play Let's stay Let me away base in my vertebrae and I'm high as a bird of prey on the rainy yesterdays let us walk into the maze distant blue-eyed gaze dilated glazed send me away god bless this ending hold me close and I can say With my ghostly car

I got you into this, I'll get you out. Escape is simple, but I don't know how. Send me away. Show me your call Could my broke and pause away? I've got you into this, I'll get you out. Time is a prison and I can't get out. Send me away.

Time is a prison and I can't get out Wait I got you into this I'll get you out Hey I'm a prison and I can't get out Through a smoke in a distance the strobes and the bright lights on your face

in this hopeless existence send me away smoke in the distance the strobes and the bright lights on your face in this hopeless existence send me away On your face

Send me away On your face Send me away As I drown in the wake of a broken day On your face As I drown in the wake of a broken day Where the shadows dance And the sunlight fades away

Outpaved the way As I drown in the wake of a broken day On your face As I drown in a wake of a broken day Where the shadows dance and the sunlight fades away, I'll pave the way, just stay.