Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #352 with Seann Walsh - Have A Word w/Adam, Dan & Carl

Episode Date: October 27, 2025

Tickets for the ARENA SHOW, merch and loads more available on our website! https://haveawordpod.comTickets for Have A Word Live shows as well as Adam and Dan's tours and previews:Adam's Tickets: https://www.adamrowe.comDan's Tickets: https://dannightingale.comCarl's Stream || https://twitch.tv/senseicarl_Finn's Music & Tickets: https://finnlayk.co.ukAs Adam and Dan said, don't miss out on all of our extra content, we've got one of the best value Patreons in the game. An extra 90+ minute episode every week plus loads of bonus content such as the now infamous Lockdown Lock-ins, the Nashville & Amsterdam specials and our Ghost Hunts! What are you waiting for? Sign up now at https://patreon.com/haveawordpod​Get subscribed to Have A Word Highlights: https://youtube.com/haveawordhighlightsThanks to this week's sponsors:Manscaped | https://manscaped.com20% off with promo code: WORD20Betterhelp 👉 Be at your best.Consider therapy with our paid partner, BetterHelp.Click https://betterhelp.com/word10 for a 10% discount on your first month of therapy.ADAM ROWE and DAN NIGHTINGALE are two award winning comedians from Liverpool & Preston, respectively. They are two of the UK's most highly regarded stand-ups and have both performed all over the world. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What's happening lids? I apologise for the lack of audio quality that I imagine you're experiencing with this. And if you're watching on video, I'm sorry that it's portrait. I'm sure that's doing your editing as well. But basically, I had to record this in the studio yesterday when we recorded this episode that you're watching. And I forgot and I left because I was in a rush to get somewhere for a gig. anyway big big big news my brand new tour which is going to be in the autumn and winter or certainly the first dates that we'll put on sale for my brand new tour fashionism yeah my brand new tour fashionism for autumn winter of 2026 uh kicking off uh i think in october next year is going on pre-sail to patrons this Wednesday, Wednesday, the 29th of October,

patrons will get early access, as they always do, to a pre-sale for my brand new tour. I'm playing some massive venues all over the UK and Ireland. There is some more still to come, but these are very possibly the only date in these cities. So do jump on this as quick as you can. Yeah, I'm so excited. Patreon pre-sale is this Wednesday, the 29th of October, and then general sale Friday the 31st of October, Halloween. I'm so excited.

I've never spent longer working on a show. If you've been to see me do some warm-up shows this year, this show is going to have some of those jokes in, but it's going to be. completely different by the time we get round so I'm so excited

and I'll see you all there Wag Wagg leads you're listening to the funniest podcast in the game from the heart of Liverpool with Adam Dan, Sensei Carl and Finn

this is the one and only have a word brought to you by Manscape the very best products on the market for below the waist groomer go Ed get on me

me and Carl went on a double date to a close-up magic show last night which weirdly we'll hear about the prep for that in the future oh yeah oh shit yeah so here's the payoff before you've had the set up what do you think it was out of 10 Dan I think I've never seen I've never seen good close-up magic so maybe it's amazing when it's done well you only 60 quib 30 60, 63 pound 50, you know me. They were 31 pound 75 each. Get that 50 p to him because he's very...

And we went to see, I mean, regardless of the show, David Copperfield in Vegas. And you slag it off. For about 60 pounds more. Was it just under £100? I think we paid like 400 quid each for David Copperfield? Might have worked for me. So I was expecting, you know, okay levels.

30 pound in a local magic show. Hang on, you went to see David Copperfield in Vegas. and you expected someone in a bar in Liverpool doing a Halloween magic show to be... No, no, no, I expected for that price. I was like, okay, this is in Liverpool local. 30 quids a lot. This is going to be pretty good.

Right. I was mistaken. Okay. No, well, look, right, is the thing. Yeah. It's in a room that sort of... It's in a live space.

I thought something was going to be in a bar and they were going to be coming over to our table going, wait, you know what I mean? But it wasn't that. And if it had been that, it was worth everybody, isn't it? David Copperfield,

still hasn't learned that. He's like, oh, God. It looked like a little Edinburgh Fing's room, didn't he? That's exactly how to describe it.

A really, really small 30. 35 seat Edinburgh Fing room. So everyone's very self-aware. Great. A really dark room, though. Better than it being well lit. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, all right. Dark's not a bad thing. No. So, so this fella comes on. It feels weird to be slagging something off. Do I mean?

But we've got to just tell you. I was like an offer saying it how it is. Okay, this fella, this fella came on, and throughout the night, I don't know whether one of the magic tricks was that, like, this man has been to several countries and adopted all of their accents, but he started, I was American.

And it slipped into some Scottish Irish, Scottish, Scottish, Gaelic, like, it was like, his voice was a little bit distracting, because he was acting, essentially, it was like a show, it was like, this is the show, and then it was acting each thing. It's how he acted.

It wasn't like, you're right there, don't see this. It was like a speech and a script. Right. And to be fair, like some of the tricks

are really good. I feel like I know how some of them are done, but that's because I'm a little magic gimp. Do you know what? I think we knew how all of them were done. When I'm hung over, I watch like Penn and Teller Fool Us

and see if I can figure it out before Penn and Teller. I'd go and see Penn and Teller. Goody show. Yeah, totally. Um, so he goes, he doesn't ask for volunteers. He literally picks people up the crowd.

So when we get there, it obviously, we're with our partners and it's us too and it's a small room and the second row is free and the ends of the second row I mean I'm like well we're sitting on the end of the second row

because we're going to get chose and the girls are like absolutely fucking not known they were like you two sit together we'll sit together because they also our partners know us well enough to know that it's likely

and possible that we would get asked to leave at some point kicked out um he was just saying we were crying laughing before the lights went down for the stars of the show.

And he is, he is, he's closer than where Carl is to us. So he can see our faces. Yeah. So we go, but at no point does he go, have you got,

can I have a volunteer? He just goes, you're right, you're up. So I got picked first out of the whole room. Which was phenomenal. Absolutely brilliant.

What was his first question of them? Have you ever been in a near-death experience? Yeah. which is, you know, the first opening gambit to most conversations. What did you say, Adam? He said, yeah, being in a car crash. And then he asked me to pick out some scrabble tiles while I told him.

Oh, no, the question before that, when you were sat down, what is your favourite word? Oh, yeah. He asked what was my favourite word. Why is that important to? Because we both went to the naughty word, didn't we, in our heads, which made us laugh even more. No one else understood the joke.

He said, what's your favourite word? And then I just heard Carl, like, crack out. because Carl's like Adam could say anything like you've asked a dickhead to just pick any word and I picked the word chaos and he goes chaos

class that word lad billions come up here you is this why he's doing an American accent is he scouse Gaelic Norwegian or American at this point if you can say what he's from

I couldn't tell him but insane so he pulls me up on stage and you know like it's storytelling magic isn't it So he's going This girl, Mary, she was playing

Scrabble with her nan And then she got the Scrabble ball out And they were playing with this That is literally it You're Norwegian's really coming on That's great That's what Adam said They got the Scrabble but they were playing with this

And no No, now we're in Mumbai But that's what he did though Right right right And he goes So Adam You ever been in a near death experience sir And I was like

Yeah, crash mechanic goes Well I tell you what I want you to pick out seven letters while you tell me about this new death experience all the tiles turned upside down had to slide them seven of them and then they spelled out breathe

and he was like, Pithy Goaday and I was like, but I said my favourite words, chaos. I thought, and I was going to stand up and applaud, it was going to be Penrith.

I was like, if this is Penn Writh. That would be even fucking unbelievable. Yeah. So. he's uh he goes breathe it's pretty good don't it and he goes now uh when uh when mary was playing scrabble with her nan her nan went into the kitchen because the whole show was about uh death death and brushes with death and she was like and mary had a near death experience while her nan

was in the other room because her nan died and she was near her nan so it's a different kind of near death experience pose for laughter mary didn't nearly die Anand died Isn't that interesting? She was choking to death and Mary just kept watching The prices, right, yeah. Essentially, she was like,

and while Anand was dying, Mary wrote this poem and it's, the last like three words repeated in the poem were breathe and I was like, I'll kill. And then he goes, but, you know,

after Hern died, this scrapbook came into my possession and inside the little box there was the scores from the very less that they ever played. Do you know what I mean, Adam? So why don't you open up the lid there?

And I think this little envelope with some scores on it. When you look at the last word, Mary ever played. And he goes, Reep, bro! Get us! And he gave me that to keep. So that was a really...

Straight in the memory box. They're really good... I'm going to frame it. Yeah, of course. Really good... That was a really good trick, right? Right. Go and sit down. he gets a couple of other people up.

They, like, pick items. He predicts which items they've picked all through storytelling. And then he looks at my missus, Alex, right in the eye and goes, get up here, you. Then for about, come here.

Well, I did, honestly, for about three minutes, I did think he was trying to fuck her, to be honest with her. Yeah, but... Because, uh... Can't blame him. He's like, I'm gonna tell... He's like, I'm gonna tell you about this fella now.

and spoilers by the way he's like yeah because you'll obviously have ticket this fella had a heart attack when he was running for the train trying to get on a train like this bird was on that he loved and so he goes

and he just had a pocket watch so just hold on to this bag and he gives Alex a bag he has a pocket watch in there and then he like starts running around the room like literally running down the aisles going wait wait

but like he's just acting out and he goes and then he had Arsach and he died but his pocket watch smashed at the same time because he ran out of time so so did the clock and then he goes to Alex and what time did that happen

and she goes 745 and he goes aren't you look at that watching that bag and tells what time's on it and she pulls it out and goes quarter past one and he went

okay no he went And then he put the clock on the back of the thing and then just carried on with the show, right? And then for the rest of the show... You were laughing at the... Oh, yeah. Yeah.

For the rest of the show, for the rest of it. Like, the whole room, but especially, obviously us for us for, I was like, is he just not going to mention the fact of that trick just didn't work at all? So, like, initially me and Carl were like, quarter past one is it is 745 but the clock's upside down the exact opposite on the board so maybe at some point he's going to go oh you know in life you'd have to look at things upside down sometimes like like but that would have been good oh shiky's oh clever and I thought initially I thought

my missus had read it wrong I was like blame her she she's she's got the clock upside down but then he put it like you know like on her pocket watch it I was like the little nubbing thing on the top and you could see it it said quarter past one so there was none of that and then towards the end of the show so he gave her a 50p coin

and told us sit back down and towards the end of the show he was like I just need one more coin and I gave someone a coin didn't I and it was there he goes come back up and he tries to do another trick with her

and then he goes it's not your time to die that's nice but it is 745 right now now and I looked at me watch it was five plus eight because we'd started late

because the bar was chocker we'd start at the show it should have been 745 but you couldn't serve 29 people quick enough literally they had one bartender and 30 people got cocktail

magicians at the end of them are going you need to hurry this the football cut I'll serve oh it was suspect and then the last trick was like these are the items but they're turning into dust because of where we were sad oh we could see if you're just like grabbing the dust thing going yeah so like he was like look

watch this key is going to turn into dust and he'd grab dust in his left island from his little bag of dust and then he'd go wah and then he'd be like oh look that's the key but then we could see him going like don't want to bother like throwing the keys just go But we could see it. So the whole show was about death, but not like death as in dying,

as in like death, the personification of death with the side sort of thing. Right. And then at the end, this really tickle me more than it probably should have, right? At the end, like, so he takes the coin back off, Alex,

and he spins it, and obviously there's a magnet under the table and it keeps the coins spinning. Wow. Because he'd said to her, right, you can't ever cheat death. So heads or tails on your coin. and she goes heads and he goes well

this is actually a double-tailed coin so you're going to lose with death here and then it spins and he goes ah guess it's not your time to die when that coin stops you're dead you're going to die but like it's not tonight so don't worry about that and then he goes go on you're going to sit back down

and then he goes anyway because he'd set up that death is a fellow in a long black coat with a hood on so then at the very end he just pulls a coat off there's like coat rack, long black coats us up and he goes, when your coin drops I'll see his all again.

And then he walked off backstage. And then I just, like, I couldn't get this out my other sense of Carl. Isn't it mad that he's just now in that room with his coat on? It just stood there, like, ah, they're so right over. Fucking five past eight.

I said it to have been great of when Adam said chaos just said so on that it's impossible for it to have already been on. Because obviously the trick is, the word gets in there after the fact like if he just had like jimony billy bob or something and he's like well the last word she played was jimony billy bob i was it's a good job he didn't pick me because that's a bingo as well yeah it was uh it was it was entertaining though it sounds so wank it's it makes me want to see it i think this has been a good happen for it

see it. Oh, God. That is, how is he not at the Edinburgh Festival? Oh, he's been. Yeah. Oh, he's been, brother. I'm telling you right now. Everything about that screams. It's the Edinburgh Festival. You couldn't get tickets

for the show you wanted. You had an hour and after bill. You thought, oh, fuck it. We'll give it a go. I wanted it to be great. He wanted to be able to come here and say and go to it. But when a trick doesn't wear, like just doesn't wear. And they don't go. There's no, like, back. up of making it work and it was just like

because honestly like grab like that grab that so imagine that's the pocket watch and you're Alex and you go it's a yeah quarter past one he went let's see okay yeah

then put it on the mantel piece and then just carried on with the show okay anyway this other fellow died as well I would who's the best magicians

in the world at the moment no but he's not doing shows is he no it's like high concept TV stuff in he dynamo there's a fellow who's out there I know like what's it's Peter Stringfellow what's his

Shinley who's dead strip club owner who's it Jimmy Coffabbit what's Jimmy Coffabberg Shin Lim is class. Shinlim's clack. When I went to Vegas, he had their residency. Shin Lim.

Shin Lim. Shin Lim's boss. Shinlim is brilliant. He falls, Pantera. He's a silent Chinese man. The best type. Unnecessary.

You ring the Bondi bell for that. Head of phones. Right. Where can I see Shinler's? Shindler's Lim, he has a residency in Vegas, or he did when I was there anyway. Is he playing bars in Liverpool on Wednesdays any time soon? Well, he's Canadian, American, Chinese, so I don't think...

Just like this fellow was? That might have been him. I'd go and see some... I'd go to that restaurant. Yeah. It was, he did a bit of, like, Darren Brown in the middle, or it was like... A little bit of mentalism.

Mentalism. And that worked, and I was like, oh, that's quite cool. To the point where a car was convincing. the girl was a plant because she wasn't a plant because he can cold read yeah but it was like he got like the item

and then the name of her grandmother like I was like okay that was good ever told you when I did uh card tricks at a house party that's gonna be a bad bro so when I went through my magic phase when I was like 16

you got a book in I did one time I did a school reunion and Tony Bell you was there and John Colshaw and I did magic tricks for them and Tony Bell you used this did John Colshaw go to the school

Colchard and Tony Bellew went to school together. John Coleshaw went to my school, obviously different year. And Tony Bellew was just there. And then John Coleshoe interviewed Tony Bellew as Trump. It was a weird night. And I was doing magic at the side. Why is Tony Bellew just turning up to other people's school reunions? He lived in the area.

Oh, yeah. Fancy a pint. And I went over to do magic for him and he went to do magic for him and he went me, a tenor. And then gave me a tenor. told me to fuck off that's good yeah

yeah so uh he spat on the floor in front of me once indoors I don't say where but you all know where so we did a uh

why won't you say where I'm pretty sure you've said yeah yeah spat on the floor like hot water comedy club yeah we're indoors what you're doing he was pissed though Wani

yeah and he is a big he gets said punched in for a living yeah he might be dribbling I don't have Tony Bell you on here I think it'll be class I think he seems pretty sound. I think you've had one experience with him.

You were just a bit of an annoying like floor manager at Hot Water. It's partly on you, isn't it? Yeah, with your management. I said to him, Hey, listen,

Tom. Maybe he knows that woman you threw down the stairs. Do you know what? It was in the exact same spot as well. Maybe he's just marking it. But yeah, I did carjacks at a house party and I was about 15, 16. And,

and we didn't have any, we didn't have any drinks in. But there was loads of can, like any beers or whatever there was loads of cans of Guinness so I took all these cans of Guinness and I'd never drank Guinness before but obviously in the cans

there's like the widget or whatever it is a little ping pong ball careful there's a little man in the cans and he's a little guy you know when you make a bubble bath shaking it up here

you run to head on this why is he how this is Guinness not lebracorns I thought it was quite and uh yeah but obviously we're all 15 No one drinks cans of Guinness.

No one knew there was ping-pom balls in it. So what I used to do... What fucking part is this? You've got 24 cans of Guinness and no other booze. So I took maybe 16 cans of Guinness and I stole a ping-pong ball from the fellas' house. Because after the first kind of Guinness, because after the first kind of Guinness, I found out there was a ping-pom ball in it.

And I was basically doing magic tricks. And then I'd push the ping-pong ball into the can, into the closed can, up my sleeve and then down the can of Guinness. There was a ping-pong ball in it and everyone would go mad. Every time. Yeah, well, there was different. It was quite a big party. I was doing it to different groups.

But 12 cans of Guinness later, I threw up on myself. And my mum had to be a big group. The trick's got a bit sloppy. You're after that. Because if you see that trick more than once and don't realize it's only in there, you're slow. If you're not picking up any of the full can be on. That's magic I'd love to see.

Just you down in Guinness for every trick. Because by the end of it, I was pushing the ping-bomb ball in, but I'd taken my jacket off at that point. It was just dropping on the floor. and I'd just kind of kick it away but it was all drunk 15 year old so they weren't really privy to it. So it's a sexy part, you know.

Yeah. It never helped me pull any girls or anything. Really? Oh my God. There's a show. Women love magic though. Yeah. Bitches love car tricks.

15, 16 year olds at house parties that people going around down in Guinness and dropping ping pong balls. You like someone with confidence, don't he? He's a bit different in it. He's not just sitting here. Yeah, they love that kind of confidence. A lot of magicians get in it

in order to pull women. Yeah. but the weird ones. What you mean? Well, not the high value ones. Yeah, like Dynamo was like, oh, my best friends and my granddad and then he'd go out and pull women.

Yeah, yeah. Debbie McGee's one of her, one of, she's a twin, isn't she? They're batshit. Twins are batches? Was Debbie McGee a twin? Yeah. If there was a photocopy of you knocking around,

I reckon you'd spend your mental love a little bit. I am special. Well, that's right point. Yeah, I get that. They're into like, oh, he's a bit different, and he's a bit exotic. Brilliant. Yeah, rather than just sitting there, having a pint with his mate, it's fine.

As a surprise angle that you two have taken. Fan also describes like a Hawaiian with one leg, don't it? Sorry, I missed the setup, but I really want it. He said, like, you know, he's a bit different and he's exotic. And they do well at house parties as well. Because I mean, I've heard the stories of Cardinal Heenan. I'm sure the hardest lads in the school. All they did was, like, footy and close up magic,

because girls love confidence. I did have footy and then later murdering and went to jail. Murder, close up magic, a bit of footy. I was in the pub I completely forgot to tell you about this and then I remembered it a couple of weeks ago and then I forgot about it again I was in the pub recently

and bumped into some teachers from our old school and apparently they regularly get sent and a lot of them now listen to this podcast and they're all upset that we've made the schools it seems to be like a big murder academy not before or after us

it was just our year our offstead's through the roof I think that I'm four out of five Through the roof Didn't it, three is through Hang on, teachers that were Not the teachers that were teaching you Yeah, there's some teachers still there

Which is mentally Our former RE teacher Is now the headmaster Headmistress Right Mistress sounds too sexy Head head head teachers Something a mean dick

I didn't say that by the way If this is audio, that was done because she's a she would not mean a very strict Northern Irish lady who terrified me in school all of ours were Northern Irish as well you don't want to

Cardinal Heenan murder high you need someone with a bit of backbone to take the fucking top dog She's a very good head teacher Yeah yeah Like she was a very intimidating RRI teacher And she wasn't even Was she the head of RRI when we were there?

Yes Also RRI doesn't feel like I mean maybe it's just because of my experience All our RE teachers were either Christian-type softies or just insane old men. I've never seen a hardline religious studies teacher. So she's teaching a class that is a bit of a dance. What was it, Miss Malloy?

We had Maloy. They were both psychopaths when we were at school. Everyone was scared of both of them. Miss Miss Maloy. A smaller one with red hair as well. And she was Irish. And then there was a fella Irish one. Northern Irish, sorry, not Irish.

Where was it? What was his name? did he also teach us business at one point? And someone said the word Jipo and he kicked off on them. That was me with Crichton. Mr. Crichton, that's who I thought you meant.

Because you said Jipo in class. I got called racist. No, but like the teacher dropped the P-Bom. The teacher was like, that is the same as the word. Oh, let's do the list of what it's the same. Let's all lose our jobs. No, but I think he like knows some travellers

or like might have been one. Yeah, but doesn't know any. No, he was, Mr. Kaine was. Oh, sorry, his hair might have been a traveler. Carl, be careful. What do you mean? I don't think that's why he got pissed off. I think he was trying to educate me to not use a word.

He screamed at you, though. He did, yeah. He screamed, P.A. K. P.A. That'll do. That'll do. I think he was just educating me to not use a nigger word. And it stuck with us, so it worked.

All right. Yeah. I remember that for my own kids if they ever say a slur, shout on a louder. Yeah, do you remember when he offered you out into the car park? He could have been less a traveller. Why? Mr. Kright, he was such as your own, he's in one sports when you see him.

Yeah, basketball, the ball stays me. No, I'm like 99% sure Mr. Krighten was a traveller. He's probably not Ian or more either. Why? He's in his 50s back there. He's bare enough boxing now. He was 15 years ago. What did you think people do?

Yeah, but they die young. They die young on the campsite. It was the most like not-traveler bit I've ever met. He was a history teacher? He was it, history teacher? And you say travellers can't be history teachers. You've not learned anything. I don't think...

Mr. Crichter was here right now. He'd call you the pee-bomb and send you out. I just don't think the, you know... Sell you a dog. If you grow up in the travelling community, you become... At the end of your career, a really well-spoken, a really offended history teacher.

I don't think that is the usual... Jesus, Carl. I think you made a lot of enemies. Carl. What are you talking about? A traveller can have a PGCE. And that's her... Do you know what you...

Like, they still live around here, you know? I'm trying to... I'm trying to give her an example of who Crichton was like. He was like... John Fiori. Yeah, he's like a shaw's a hairier, John Fiori. I'm a teaching, man. I'm like 99% short of.

Well, I asked about, and it turned out he was like a traveller. Asked a bout. That is a strong 90%. Yeah. But there's a lot of teachers who taught us who was to let, and that blows my fucking mind. One of the, one of the PE teachers now is a lad who was in our classes at school. Yeah. Oh, I like that.

Yeah. Oh, that's nice. He was there that, like that. Because I bumped into Miss Smith and him and a few others. He's a good, lad. I like that's like a player turning into a manager at a 42 minute. You're like, there you go. But you always knew that was going to.

happen. Oh, really? Yeah, he was, no, because he could tell us to create he wanted, then he was, you know, he was a smart kid. I bumped into a, someone who claimed to teach us

English the other week. She was like, how was your English teacher? And I was like, Johnson was that English teacher. Yeah, but like, there was one or two others as well that we occasionally had.

And she was like, yeah, you know, it's good to see you doing so well. You were always the funny one, weren't you making everyone laugh? And I was like, no. No. Well, you're not? No.

Like, absolutely not. I was not like the class clown. Like Josh was more that than me. Yeah. Like my mate Josh. That surprises me. You too must have been fucking around and making people laugh a bit.

In six form, but like... Yeah. But not like sort of on a table level. So has she heard... I haven't progressed to the whole class. I was just doing local table gigs. She's heard that you were at school in and around sort of the same time I'm gone,

I'm having that. is that what she's done? She might as a couple of times like as a supplier or like as a sit in whatever you call them. I can't believe you you've had more than one English teacher

through five years of school though aren't you? Yeah, sure. I think you've just got a hyper memory of I think we had her from like year nine onwards I think the first couple of years was probably this woman, whatever her name was. She was Chis E's wasn't she?

Yeah. Johnson. She was the head teacher's wife so she was bulletproof you didn't do anything there. It's such like it was so like interesting how different teachers approach

like you're all the same kids and then so many different teachers approach it in different ways and some of it made like the stricter ones sort of made some people naughtier and then like the softer ones made some people nausea but not the same kids. No you're absolutely right how you

respected a teacher wasn't about the fear that they like commanded. Like there were some teachers who were like yeah you're playing the hard man but you are a gobshite and then those other teachers who were just so kind and you wanted to be good for them because

they were good teachers and nice people but as you knew they're not nice people now you grow up you realize teachers are just people because when you're the kid you're like oh they're you know they live in the school you're like oh he's probably just not a nice person and he's a teacher as well or like she's a

she's a lovely person and she's talking over into teaching I like the ones who were like good fun but then they had a line we had a history teacher called Mr. Carelli who was a who was a who was like... Or was mandolin. Who played the mandolin?

Because of Captain Correlli's mandolin. I don't know. Even though you get the reference, but... Isn't the mandolin, like one of those things to slice as vegetables? I thought it was orange. That's a mandarin. I mean, if you want to do the joke in the head.

But he was... Why is that a full book about a fucking vegetable slicer? Right. Do you think it's really a vegetable slicer? Imagine the front of me. It's just a mandolin, like a blade for cutting cucumbers. So what else is a mandolin then?

It's a, it's a small... Is like a guitar? It's like a halfway between... What would you say? Like a banjoy. Like a lute. Lutey, that sort of small stringed instrument. Yeah, it was, and then...

Yeah, it was, and then Carl was being a dick. My mum used to... No, but a mandolin is also a... Yeah, no, but that's not what Captain Corelli's mandolin. He's not going round the... He's not going around Greece. Why are they called two completely different things? The same thing?

Homophone. Anyway, that teacher killed everyone, but never mind. We're getting into the semantics of a mandolin. My mum used to sell mandolins. Which one? The vegetable slicer. Which mom? My mum, I think it was a pyramid scheme, but my mum used to sell.

Mandolin-based pyramid scheme. My mum used to sell pampered chef. She's like just kitchen equipment, but she used to have these like parties where it was like, come over and use me whisk and loads of like, like, the house was filled. with like 60 middle-aged women who were all using whisk and I used to be locked upstairs and I had to play top drums.

And don't drink all 60 in Guinness this time, mate. I was like eight and we'd come down and she was like gutted because she was like trying to make a sale on these like bowls and like, yeah, like things that chop up your carrots but we got bored of top drums upstairs. There's a progression from the Tupperware parties

of like the 70s and 80s. That was a real thing, wasn't it? Yeah. Which is insane. I thought that is. What, you go around and... It's a pyramid scheme. A housewife would get conned in spending, like, two grand on Tupperware.

She'd have five, ten massive boxes of Tupperware, and then have to have Tupperware parties for the girls and be like, look at that. It's hard, that, isn't it? Where are you going to get that? And then... My mum was an Avon lady for a bit, I think. Flex.

Yeah. And she used to pickle her own onions. And if you bought anything off her Avon thing, she'd give you the jar of pickled onions as well. Ooh, you're such an industrious family, aren't you? I do Avon, and some pickling. Here are, here are, Maureen, here's your moisturiser. There's your pickled onions, two grams of coke.

Come to, Anne. It's clever though, isn't it? Avon, you think Anne, yeah? Get big tub, get pickled. Lovely tub wear, a bit of moisturiser. I'll give you a whisk and a mandolin. What do you mean you can't play? That bitch.

Yeah, like, I, like, I. I think I always sort of preferred, I had more respect for the softer teachers or the ones that were reasonable. Like, I've always had this sort of resistance to shut up because I said so, sit down and do this. I'd be like, shut, fucking sit on this. Yeah, because they look fucking,

they look, they just come in grumpy, don't they? They just come in angry. Like, it's like, you don't even like your life. Don't take it out on us. Absolutely, you realize that people. Genuinely, Mr. Karelli was sound, he was fun. And then if you pissed him off, that watching him lose his temper

you were like oh this is a really fun lesson and he's one of the good guys if you go past the point where you've pissed him off he could be like scary they were the best ones because you were like

yeah this is sound but he's also got control of the class because we've seen him lose it it was not like psycho lose it but I love that when a teacher came in especially if it was a subject you kind of liked

and you had a supply teacher and they just couldn't control the knobbeds in the class you were like this hour's fucked because there's they're the other end of the scale where you're all just gonna walk over you but we're swimming around smelling the blood there

as soon as you see that weakness you're like like this hour's going to be fun we want to learn you know but how many of those do you want to do in a row before like you know when you're on a run of that where you're like it's kind of better to get on with stuff sometimes yeah when John Lloyd Fletcher got

Boggy Whitmore in religious studies to explain these people John Lloyd was in class. And if you just wanted to pass an hour in religious studies, you could get Mr. Whitmore, who we called Boggy Whitmore, to explain how to make a violin. And you just had to egg him on enough that he was like, oh, you really want to know about violins. But if you went too much, you'd be like, you're not being serious about this, right, we'll do the lesson. And it was this amazing game to see how much of the hour you could get. Boggy Whitmore.

Unreal. You're like, what are we doing with our lives? How is this constant teaching? He looked like a foot. He looked armish. It was, it was. It was. mental but then sometimes you're like I sort of might I think we should just try and learn something here today and John Lloyd's like sir the thing is about violins could you tell me like that was fun once in a while

but then other times you sort of wanted to do the lesson oh I loved them teachers me they were the best you'd have the best that whatever you said a million times haven't we missed Murphy oh Murphy get here talking about footy Mr Rowan who was my business teacher who I think is still there he caught me selling Lucas Aide

and crisp and chocolate in his class and went to take myself off me and I was like this is a fucking business class like surely like I'm nailing this He should give me an A He took he took one Lucas Aed and one bar of Galaxy off me and give me the rest back and then just ate it and drank it in the class

Allegedly I'm teaching you about corporation tax Rowan the sound He was a he seemed like a normal fellow He just had I pissed him off to the He just had no time for bullshit Did he so he'd just be like

I'm not asked if you fucking around, just shut the fuck up and fuck off. I used to go to the chippy in class and come back with a chippy and he'd be like, a chippy and the paper, never read the paper, but I liked the aesthetic of it. Yeah, but is that in sixth form? Yeah. That's wild.

And he'd be like, what are you doing? I'd be like, I was a knobbed in sixth form now. Yeah. I just want... That's wild? Like, we, let he wasn't... I mean, fucking around in your first five years, you're like, yeah. But once you've decided you're sticking around.

No, but we... To then be like, no, I'm not doing it. round to be with the boys though and I was an idiot if you're listening to this, don't do that. We went to six forms so the school wasn't over you. I mean, we knew we were smart kids. We didn't have to try. I mean, we did, because A levels will catch you out. Yeah, yeah. And I ended up here, so it was all right.

I'm going to, I'm going to breeze these and then you could have done better. No, I got fucked it. I was an idiot. If you listen to this, thinking, oh, I do that, that's funny. Don't go to the chip here and get a paper. Yeah, but walking into my tea on a Tuesday morning and gone, just we got the chippy and it was funny. it was stupid I didn't even want a chippy

but I wanted to be sat in class with a chippy and I wanted to come in and I'd be like hey you're a nobbed and I'd laugh for an hour I wanted to go to six form just because they had a common room

and I was like I spent five years just idolising the idea of like you are you run the school if you're a six former and then they ship girls in to make it more interesting as well

but they had a fucking common room Epstein Epstein's common room they would have had one yeah that was an idiot If you're all listening to this as a 17, 18. What is it now? 16 to 18.

It was mandatory for me. It wasn't mandatory for us. What? It was mandatory for me to stay in education until I was 18. I was always going to anyway. You can't leave at 16? No. But like, which is my 18 is now the time you leave school.

There's loads of lads that I went to college with that like should have left. What? You don't leave school until you're 18. No one can go and do an apprenticeship at 16. You can go get an apprenticeship. As part of like a vocational qualification. goes alongside college. Yeah, you've got to have something, like, yeah.

Because I admit that we're interested, like, you're making it out like everyone stays to do A levels. That's not the case. They do B-Tex or like. So they do vocational qualifications along with time in a job. Yeah, but you have to stay in education until you're 18. You don't leave education at 18, no. Like, as in law.

Yeah. Like, we could leave them with 16, we didn't. But it's now illegal to leave school before you're 18. Michael Gove did it. Oh, about 10 years ago? It's a load of shite, though, in it? Like, if a kid at 16 goes, I'm not fucking going to school.

They just, oh, you're meant to be in school? That's the law. Don't get put in prison, are they? They're doing a hard time. What are you in for? But it's now like, you know, you're in school to your 18.

It's the same as you were in school. You're in school, are you? You're in education. The education, sorry, to you're 18, yeah. I think the parents could get fined. But 16, you can leave home and join the army. No, you can't. You've got to stay in education.

Doesn't. What's not? Checking out here, boys. I imagine that you'd have to, if you've got something else, yeah, if you would have to prove it and get proof to,

you know, to show somebody that you're going there because you have to be in education to get 18. It's not. But you can be homeschooled, can you from like, whenever you want?

So like, yeah, I'm homeschooling. Yeah, Google the lot, Google the Lard around it, but, like, you could have left when you were 16

and most did, obviously. I just didn't. Yeah, you must stay in some form of education or training until you're 18. Hang on. So what does training?

Like, an apprenticeship. So you can go and get an apprenticeship at 16? You can go. Right, okay. So it was a bit misleading saying you've got to stay in education. It's got to be sick. Because that is a, like, you have to go,

I'm going to do a job with a qualification attached to it. Like a trade. Right. Okay, cool. You just can't lounge at home when you're 16 anymore. No. I'm assuming. Nearly thought the kids.

We're going to be sticking around for two extra years. If they're, yeah, I want them to get a trade at 16. Et is really showing signs that she'll be a great plumber. You know, because she keeps knocking drinks over and going, well, look, there's water everywhere. What am I going to do? I'm like, yeah, you're going to get it. Is there any career that you'd talk the kids out of the idea of?

Close up magic. I can't see it working out. Is there anything like, either of them could come to you at and be like, this and you're like, you honestly don't want to, like, if Jack wants to be a tree surgeon. It's a good trade, that, you know. The most dangerous of all the jobs. Those trees.

What if Edith wants to be. like a miner? She's already achieved it. For diamonds? She wants to work in a diamond mine. In Sierra Leone. I don't give a fuck about you. I want those diamonds.

Yeah, I'd be like, I've got some questions. I'd rather you go and do performing arts at Solford. But if your heart is set on Sierra Leone and a diamond mine, you've got to stay in education, so are they giving you a qualification at 16? You know? Sex worker, diamond mine. These aren't, you know. What if Jack wants to be an escort?

Like a male escort. Oh, right, okay, yeah. Like a jiggolo. No one of that is. Who's Jack wants to be a jigglero, by the way. Although he's only four. You should have said that last late. One of the best words ever.

A jackal. A male escort for the elderly. Like, he's not fucking new. Hang on, hang on. A male escort for the elderly. Oh, we're not, he's not a sex worker. He's not, he's fucking widows. Nice.

Did you ever see Connie? This is a position you can apply for? How is he going to get up? Is this at 16 are we talking about? Yeah, he's quite, Or you've got to stay in education or fuck these biddies. But at the end of it, you get an MVP in business. Biddies.

Biddy them, they're biddy for the years. Biddy studies. They come so. I was like, I want to, you know, I love old people. What's it called? When people are exclusively attracted to geriatrics? That's the word. OAPE, though.

Delightful, Carl. Um, it's called, the internet's gone off. You just pressed this little... The internet's gone off, we'll never know. How it's broken the internet. Hey, Siri, what is it called when people are exclusively attracted to pensioners?

Gerontophilia or gerontas sexuality. Gerontas sexuality? He sounds like an NFL player. I've already got one. Gerontophilia. So, yeah, Jack comes in and goes, I'm a gerontophile. I like stegosaurus.

I'm a gerontophile. Jack's 17 at this point. He's 17. He's like, I'm a gerontophile. It's my birthday next week. I'm starting to think about careers and stuff. Right. I just, you know, I can see myself

just spending the rest of my life. Fucking nunners. Yeah. Like, I'm a gerontophile, but, you know, I know I can't get too attached to any of them because they're going to be dead. So I'm trying to think, can I make some money from this?

I'm going to be a gerontophilic escort and fuck old pus for money. What do you think, Dad? It's got a long business card, Dad. Got a lovely turn of phrase at 17, only? Before I tell Mum, just running it by you, want a fuck a load of biddies. Could it be a gerontophilic escort?

Fuck old people. Brilliant. There goes, listen, I think... Better than Carol's singing. They're ignored in society. Someone needs to see them. I see them. I'll take them the Morisons.

And then fuck him at the Morisons. No, I'll fuck him afterwards. Get the big shop in. Oh, so he's a carer with extras. He's in escorts. If they say, I want to go to Morrison's. Then if you want to go to the pub, I'll go to the pub. I don't know why he's got this voice.

And he's like, yeah, I can't make to get you on and you can show me your deli counter. Oh, nice. It's flirting around the Morisons. Yeah, yeah, I'll give you the big shop and the big dick. Bo, she goes, oh, you're the good lad. There's a grand. Yeah.

Oh, I'm into it, by the way. Yeah, I'll be his agent. You'll be one of them by then? what you just get all your mates you will be in all your you're my mate this is a really nice future idea in it

I wonder if my kids all watch this one day and I'll be dead and they'll be like oh look dad talked about me fucking nannas maybe it's what he wanted so I hope you're not a gerontophile why did you hope that don't king shame all people exist too

yeah but you don't want to fuck him he might I want to fuck one really just know what's like see if it's different oh so like

you collect the full like it'd be like shadow box in a plastic bag it's just like yeah it's just like I don't know baggy in it

I imagine it Russell do I mean it's a lovely imagery I'm not sorry who's Russell the old man I'm not

that's Russell's that I think we might need a break. And welcome back. I'm going to your motherland tomorrow. The Moutreland? The Moutreland? Preston, Lancashire. No.

Norway. What is my Moutreland? Copenhagen. Ah, because of the Danish sex offender bit I did for six years on the circuit. Yes. Very good. One of my best opening gags ever. I haven't replaced it.

I'm going to Copenhagen, get some pastries and have nice foods and put my Willie in pussy. Your girlfriend's going? Yeah. You're not fucking any Danes. Payback for the Vikings. Right. I'd say Copenhagen, wonderful, wonderful Copenhagen, is, it's like, it's on my list of places to

see, but it's in the Europa spots. It's not in the Champions League spots, but I would like to go. Hang on. Which, do you mean of the world or like Europe cities? You know, like, there's places I want to see and there's like a little to-do list in my head. I know you've been to Berlin, but I've never seen it. That's up there. Shite.

Want to see Stockholm? If it's shite, we just ruined. I think it's shite. Everyone's like, oh, you've got to go to Iceland. In my head, I'm like, Iceland is phenomenal. Is it? Yeah. So I'll tell you what then.

Let's do that. So what is your, let's say you're top six. So four Champions League spots, two Europa leagues. You can do a conference league, 7th if you can't, like... Right, can I just do... Like, they do the Champions League and the league. There's two different types of holidays I have in my head

in terms of what I want to see. There's the places I want to go with you lot where budget goes out of the fucking window and we're like, where can we have an adventure? That's one. And then there's the more realistic, I'm taking Laura or I'm going with Eshan for a city break. No, living in the fucking unrealistic world

where you can go anywhere. Where do you want to go anywhere? money's not an object, but you're going with either laura or Bondi. I mean, it's all romantic. Out of space with Bondi. All romantic. I would love to see...

I'm not paying to go to Argentina. I'd love to see Argentina. Because Bondi gets free flights. What do you mean if you want to go there? Go? Yeah, but the thing is, I want to wait until we go. Yeah, so that's the same You've got unlimited money

And you're still trying to save money Kind of all the flights in my dreams Why do you want to have got unlimited money And I don't spend all of it I get more of it To spend It's still unlimited Where are your dream destinations

This is not a hard question Where do you want to go I'm going to Copenhagen And where do you want to go We're not charging you'd have to You've sent them Right, okay Unlimited money

Yeah The West Coast of Ireland's lovely I haven't sent to that for a while What? but that, like, that is a good answer if that's where you want to go. Um, because the whole point of it being unlimited money

is the money doesn't matter. That doesn't mean go to the most expensive places. Go to where you want to go. Copenhagen is one of the, uh, I put it in my top six. And I've been before. It's still in the top six and you've been before. Have you never been before?

Um, no, but if it's sorts of places I haven't been before, then yeah, like, obviously it wouldn't be in there because I've been before, but like, it's a fucking, Whale-class city. I want to go Madagascar. Sick. Safari, but I think it's because of the films. There's no singing lemurs in Madagascar.

Is there no, like, King Julian? I really think if... No, but the safari will be insane. Right. So, like, that's a good place to go. Would it? All, aren't all the animals in Madagascar because they got shipped from the zoo? Yeah, so they're all just fucking... There's not actual, like...

It's an island, isn't it? So I think it'd be shit. That's just a load of ring-tail lemas, although they are one of the best bits of the zoo. Australia is. an island and that's full of animals. Yeah, but not all the animals. Like, Gerns and Ireland. Tigers. Bears. Oh, my.

Is there no bears? There are no bears in Australia, except the little sex tourist koala bears. They're bears. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cool, it's the same thing, isn't it? It's the same thing, isn't it? If you come to me and go, I just fought off a bear,

I feel dead impressed until you go, yeah, it was a koala, it was trying to finger me or something. Are they a bit nasty, though? And they've got AIDS. There you go. Yeah. No one thought they were a bit like nasty. Yeah, they've got gone to rear for a reason.

They'll, they're very CNC. They'll pin you down. So you've picked somewhere that you don't really want to go as your number one. What's your number two? Fucking good at dream, in you? Let's keep it to European cities. Oh, I'm paying.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's Europe. Where are you going in Europe? Me and Ishan are going to go into Lisbon next year. Never seen Lisbon? Class. Right?

You're going to, like, with your new fitness regime, you're going to be fine. Ishan's going to struggle with how hilly it is. Right, okay, cool. That is a fact, it's tough. It is constant uphill. You go up hill to go somewhere, coming back, up another hill. Doesn't make any sense.

They put new hills in place. It's like moving, like the stairs in Harry Potter. Honestly, there is no way you will go that isn't uphill, and there is no way you'll come back from that isn't up and ill. Yeah, it's all worth it for the excellent fish restaurants, and you know I'm loving them. Oh yeah, you're all going to hate Lisbon, actually. There's nothing for you there.

It's cold food. Like, do you remember the place we went in, where were we recently, Turkey? Yeah, I was there for about 17 minutes. Yeah, that restaurant is everywhere in Lisbon, but with Mediterranean cuisine. Class. Right, Lisbon's off the list.

Leon. I really want to see Leon. What's in Leon? Apparently, it's amazing. Apparently, so great. I want to see Valencia. That's up there as well. I've been to Valencia.

By the way, you're like, well, what about Barcelona? I've been several times. So this is all, you've got to... do we're all doing. Say, Barcelona, why don't you come to see us in Barcelona?

I want to go to San Sebastian because that's apparently the best place in the world. Absolutely, number one, top of the list, San Sebastian. Yeah, because that's where the best food in the world is. Is that real food?

Voted regularly. It just is the best, it's the best food city on the planet. We should, we should, today or whatever, we should book a trip there for next year. Okay, I'm in? Yeah.

Because I'd really want to go. We can take the girls if they want to come as well. Yeah, they like food. Is there any close up magic shows? Probably. Zurik and Zerri. What for the insurance for Nazi gold? There's nothing there. What do you mean?

It's all just built. In my head, Zorik is only like insurance buildings and Mercedes. Yeah. And Bondi. He's got a place out there. There's no cultured in Jorich. Surely. Surely it's all just businesses.

Yeah. Luxembourg. love to see it. That's the same. Why don't you Google Zorik for us, Harry, and show, Carl? Go on, show me the fucking big building. With grey buildings with all the office workers. Jurek. How did you do office work? Fuck off.

Swans by ours. It's got a big lake. Things to do in Zurich. Best things. It's got a medieval old town. France is calling me. France? Answer it. Hello, France.

I'm not indeed human resources. Oh, by the way, if you keep getting these calls, it's not just you. it's everyone. My French accent, that. Yeah, and if you order from Timo,

you're going to get a lot more of them. I don't order from Tima? I do. No, when I had the Chinese phone, I got loads of them, but they were all in Chinese.

Right. Where did you get your Chinese phone? I ordered a Chinese phone from China before I got an iPhone. It just got really hot. I don't want to say something. Do you know we went to Turkey? I know we've got big plans.

We're going in Tanzania. Fine. That's now. next year's huge one. And then we've got a provisional plan with Thailand for the year after. Is there going to be a little bit of a Holly Bob's turkey-esque with the boys?

I do enjoy them. Next year. We're doing a bit of filming. We're doing a bit of holiday. I am not, and I'm sorry. The Turkey Special is going to be great. I'm not doing a half and half again. It drove me insane.

Like, not knowing when I can relax and not know it. I just ate today. Really? I didn't mind it, but I prefer Tenerife. Yeah, I didn't enjoy turkey Like the sort of Stop, start nature of it However, I would love us to do

A boys holiday next year September next year But we're not filming Can we just not just go and sit down? Like Tenerife Can we just come and sit down And go on the water slide? Can we go back to Tenerife?

Oh, there you go You fucking love Tenerife No, I don't Do you know what? You know what I ate it I just want to go every time we suggest a holiday Do you know what?

Do you know what Tennadief is? It's a ham butty. I don't love it. but it'll satisfy me forever. Yeah. You've never not love ambuddies. It's a handbutty with a bit of butter on. Like sound.

Like if I'm hungry and I'm in yours and you go, do your handbutty, sound. Get me at handbutty. But it's a handbutty. It's a handbutty with passes for a water slide. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, okay. Yeah.

That's a good handbutty. Because it's every time. They're the crispy onions. Sion Park is the thing that always gets it over the line. Yeah, because everywhere else we could go. Doesn't have Sion Park? Yeah. Right.

So why would we not go to the place to Lasda? Like, I think this might be a... I think most people, if they actually think about what I'm about to say, will agree with this. Beach holidays, like relax and hotel beach holidays, are the same everywhere in the world. It's the same thing.

It's hot. There's a fucking fella who speaks broken English. It'll make you the pinocalada if you're winking them. And then you just get to sit down by the pool, listen to a bit of mute, and go to shit bars. Like, if you leave your hotel, if you pay for a good hotel

and you leave it and you go to bars, they're all tourist traps. Unless you really look into it and you find that the few good restaurants on any one island, everywhere,

fucking everywhere for a beach holiday, is exactly the same. So why are we going to the ones that don't have Siam Park in it? It is a really strong argument. I don't think anybody loves anything as much as you love water slides,

honestly. I think you've maxed out. And you know, having been to some, Ryan Park with you. While you're doing it, you don't seem to be enjoying most of the process. You're like, because you want to get the value out of the day, do you remember on the day, Adam was like, right, we're going to this one. And you're like, oh my God, dad's angry. Like it, and then when you're on the slide, we're having a blinder. I get it.

But you like attack Siam Park in a, in a, in a, like, an efficient way. But what you're surprised by the fact is, I don't like cues. You don't even like cues. Fast passes were good, weren't he? Honestly, I'll just keep buying them. because you get one stamp on he tried, don't you? Like, if it was up to me, we'd go to Tenor Eve for ten days, and three of them would be spent all there at Siam Park, and all of this shite of,

oh, I'm going to go and sit by the Siam Park beach for a bit. What the fuck are you doing? Get back on the slide, you couldn't. That's quite cool, I like the little beach was cool. I'm going to have to... How do you get you? I'm going to... You got one of them in your hotel?

Get permission for this. To people? And what do they've already got me? I've already paid to be there. I'm going to Albafero with half of the comedy circuit at the end of June. So I'm going to have to... justify another boy's holiday.

He'll be fine. She knows where her breadboard. Who are you going with? I mean, I've told you all about it and you said yes, you'd come. I said, I just said that while I'm coming. Adam's the only one who's like, no. Albuferria? To Albuferria? By the way, there's several comedians who keep

asking me about that because apparently they keep asking you for the details. Oh, I know. Well, what they should do there is actually ask me for the details and not ask you because no one has asked for details. Okay. Genuinely, I'll go through I could go through every WhatsApp, no one.

Rob Thomas is helping, he's... Because he just... He loves her. Yeah, he's into it. He loves it. Actually, he said you've been very difficult. Is it just Rob Thomas that you're talking about? Yeah.

Yeah, okay, there you go. And he said you're being very difficult. Right. He said he doesn't know where you're saying or where you're going or when it is. That is all the information as well. It is, yeah. He's being a big fat twat because he does know.

I've sent him a link to the hotel. Rob, send them a link to this. Just ring me. Just ring me. You massive fanny. I think they started planning this when we were looking at doing like a big couple's holiday

and we said if we were only going to do one, we'd rather do that. Yeah, it's fair enough. I mean, also Carl did say, yeah, I'm up for it. Yeah, I'm probably not though. No, it's fine. It's not reliant on you.

No, absolutely. I'm glad it doesn't run. It was me and Jamie organizing a boy's holiday that it was literally like everyone's welcome, but I knew some people wouldn't. It doesn't surprise me that you're not.

Also, Rob. because I've done quite a few car journeys with Rob Thomas recently because he's been doing loads of the Adam Rowan friends with me. He listens to the pod. Yeah, no, yeah. We love it. Apart from when he's been a whinging cunt. Well, this is the thing is,

you know how on holidays, you have your little autism downtime and you have to be on your own for 70% of the holiday? Yeah. Yeah, he said he's absolutely not going to put up with that and he will cause absolute murder. He said, on a lads holiday, the lads are together and we're all on the holiday

and you going off on your own is not going to be accepted. That's just the fact. That's true. There's 23 people going on this holiday. And whereas what happens when we go away is me and Carl just slagging off behind you back for a bit. He said he will walk to the beach and drag you back to the hotel.

I'm really glad Rob's coming on this one. He's right though. He's just more aggressive with it. Yeah. He's not right. Oh wow. Going on our lads holiday boys, yeah. I'll have my own one.

See his. See his in the airport. You bunch of needy cunts. No. You love that. No. You're not allowed autonomy. You're fucking home life's up the

world because you've got kids. You come in the studio. We all shout at each other and check off. Oh, it's for four hours. Coming out now. And you want an hour and a half on the beach on you know. No, I need all my friends at all the time. I'm going to shop.

An hour and a half. Brother. Seven fucking days, mate. Do you want to come to beach anyone? No. We want to stay with each other holding house. You go in the pool? Was.

Fing on the pool for five minutes. Do you go on the pool for five minutes? Do you want to go out? Literally everyone else wants. to stay in the hotel so I can you bike the bullet and have some social times Is everyone listening?

I'm on the beach doesn't matter that I'm in my own I'm doing that I'm doing that I'm doing that I see it in a studio Can you imagine

seven days with these cuts Can you imagine What was you called Mr. Thompson You know with the one They gave me eyes in physics And it's literally an hour

of just shouting It's an hour of shouting No it isn't Oh my You got in the pool for five minutes Act like someone had fucking spilled Carslow with the lawman

You are one of the closest people in my life I do not need see you all the fucking time. I want a lot's holiday. We're going on a lot's holiday together. You do? You don't see them all the time.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Gross. If there was three of us, I'd get it. That'd be, if you did that with three of us,

we'd fly home. No, I'd never do that. It's a different dynamic. We missed it. Where is one person? Also, by the way, when I was at the, when I was at the pooling turkey, Jack Finningham was just sat next to me.

Greatest hang you've ever got. You're like, I'm going down the beach. Everyone's like, oh, yeah, Jack Finnegan. Jack Finnegan can do what he wants. Where's Dan going? The beach. Oh, coffee is. I need him holding my hand ready.

To be fair, Jack, do you know why? Do you know why? This is what you're not understanding, right? Is Jack gets the ratio right? So you spend 80% of the time on your own and 20% of the time with us. That's not a such bullshit. And Jack spends 80% of the time with us

and 20% on his own. Well, the 20% of reasonable amounts of time. The 20% of me and Jack Finnegan being at the beach was lovely. Yeah, because you're both on your own separate holidays and you don't really like each other. Love that man. We just go, hey, we're here.

And we all have a laugh together and a good time. He's just a neat. You're just need to come. Like, I'm going to the one town. I can't tell you. Everyone wants to stay in tonight, duty. Well, I'm going out.

Addie, Finn. No, wow. We're in a van and you were like, you know, that night out you've been planning all day? I don't fancy it. I'm canceling it. Fuck off. Cancel it?

I said, I'm not going. No, you went, no, we shouldn't do that tonight. We'll do it tomorrow. No one went out the next night. You can't tell grown men when they're allowed to go out. You didn't even come watch the Merseyside Derby

whereas because you were finger on your ass on your hang over. Fuck about the Merseyside Derby. But we care about you. But then care about me and let me have half an hour at the fucking beach. No, it's not like half an hour.

Maybe even my bed. Let me fly. No. Oh, I'm here with six of my best mate. Where's the seventh? Grow up. It's true. Anyway, I'll see you now.

Jack nearly died. You'll see it in the special. And you missed it because you were fucking throwing your ass. I was at the gym with Martin Fun So we're going in Tenerife

Yeah See you there You won't I'm gonna so I'm gonna be like His Siamese twin I'm gonna sow myself to him I'll be like alright Carl

I love that I love your company Syemies Park That's not a bad thing Especially on a boy's oldie When you want to be With your boys having a laugh Where's Dan

Not involved We were with each And we share stories And memories And you aren't in most of them Oh that's great It's peaceful Our job is to talk about shit we've done

and you're not in them. I know, but it's just giving us a good 12 minutes of podcast in there. Fucking grow up. See it at Sion Park. I'll give you one day of the three. We'll settle on three. Where's Dan gone?

Oh, he's gone to Sion Park on his own? No, I wouldn't. You fucking would. Oh, Dan, no one fancy Sion Park today. Right? Well, I decided six weeks ago that today was the Sion Park Day, so I'm going on the slides, bye.

The balls of someone to go. No, I'm canceling a night out. I didn't cancel night out? You had no fancy. And no one else did because we're not going to be filmed on there. No, we shouldn't go out tonight. It was off. I was tired.

It was great. We were all fucking done in. You were like, no. This is tonight's autism time. I'm going. Harry, Finn, you're coming or you get sacked. Slept on a boat for four hours. He was nearly crying in our fucking bill.

I tell you what? I don't want to go. But he's made me feel I had got to. God, I was knackered on that boat. Five hours, Kip. Oh, God, it's really taking it out of me. Shut up. Shut up.

He didn't want to go. He went because he thought you were going to fire him or stop. taking them for meals. Ari had a fucking great time in Gumbet. He didn't want to go. I was tired. I was tired before.

He left in tears. Like, I don't have to go because I've got to job anymore. He'll sack me. Oh, can't wait. Let's have three

boys holidays next year. Through the vibes in two minutes. Do you know what? I was going to do my advice, but we'll do it another time. It's just great to get shouted on it. I can't believe you don't want to spend all the time in here.

You're like, not all of time, just more. Yeah. Because you even said in Tennessee, I get it. And then you didn't change you. I don't like when you say you're going to do something you don't. Did you, but what did you change? Did you give me more leeway? Or did you come back and winch me for not being there?

Because you said you change you. Why would I change me? Because all you do is whinge about me not being there. Why don't, I couldn't give a fuck about him. He's going to say whatever he wants. But you and me, can we meet in the, can we meet in the middle? And I'll try harder and you try and give me a bit of more leeway. And I promise you will now.

But if I give you leeway, you're not there. so you're not trying either. All right, cool. I'm going to be on my own. Fuck you. You need to be a favour. You let me be on my own more and I will be.

But you know what? You've met me halfway. Just spend more time with your boys. I can't wait. What? You climb a Camelangelo? I'm not. That's the ultimate one, in it?

That is not the same. No, we know. That's not the same. Are we all not to climb Kilimanjano, are we? No, I'm going to pub with Harry. Because I think I might die. Hardy, you're not a bit different. Come on.

That's a little different. That is, that is, like, Donald Trump levels of fucking manipulating a story. How do he, I know he's got tired, related fucking epilepsy, but, you know, he was dying to get up that mountain. I'm not climbing it, though. But I'll phone you every day. Okay. All right.

Send us pictures from the beach. Oh, we're making memories on the moon. It's mostly got a beach. No, it's... A lot. You don't find many mountains... Tanzania, it's got beaches, though, in, um... What, Zanzibar is there?

Zanzibar and... Oh, isn't Zanzibar and Tanzania? No, not the pub. Yeah, I think so. Yeah, yeah. It's where Billy Joel was. It's got beautiful beaches. All right.

Me and Harry will check it out. Otherwise, it gets sacked. Let's have a break. It was great to get bollick for 20 minutes. You deserve it. Hey, Rob. Get in touch. Stop whinging, you big meth.

Well, we've got a first ballot Hall of Fame. Have a word guest in today. It's Sean Moore. Good to be back, gentlemen. How are you doing? I'm good, I think. Very smart, blazer. You think?

Yeah. You're making effort, guys. You do look smart. Smart cash. It's smart cash, yeah. The train, I wasn't sure, okay, if I'm honest, I wasn't sure my hair's in the middle. My hair has come out with the haircut.

Do you know what I mean? It's come out of what I asked for. And now we're in that next. stage and I genuinely thought about going to boots to get some product to do my hair in boots like just use a bit of the product did you do that when you were a teenager like go into boots and use the after shave after shave yeah yeah when you're teenager i've done it this year have you that's why i go to the airports if you stay if you stay over so i stay over in liverpool if we've got a big night out yeah if i've forgotten the old spruitsy spruits hello

oh a little wander little spruits spruits is okay i think hair product is to... If I did that, if I did that, that would be insane. Just look... Do you know who you kind of look like right now? And Carl's going to be the only person who's able to verify this. It looks to be like Mr. Clayton, which is mad. Yeah.

You know, like a former history teacher. Okay. That's not a negative. I thought I looked like when I left, you know, in the montage in a rom-com when a bloke has, the woman has left him and they then cuts to a montage of sound music. That's what I thought I looked. look like.

What stage you mean? Yeah, like, you look cool? Like Billy Crystal with the beards? It's, um, it's, um, you like a cool uni lecturer. Yeah, that's the one. Call me Sean, man. Fox's his student.

No, yeah, yeah. And we go on the pub after lecture? I thought I lived divorced. There's been a few allegations, but they're, she was a PhD student. She's 24. Come on. We had a glass of wine. Absolutely.

That's a good, that's a good, that's just teaching her some extracurricular. Okay, that's good to know. I thought I looked divorced. That's why I did I thought We're a hint of that, yeah There's a hint Yeah, yeah, yeah

The wife found out about the student Right, I see It's all coming together I see Yes, all right Well, thank you Yeah, no, it's great

It's a big show Yeah It's fucking massive, Jimmy. You gotta wear a blazer You gotta wear a blazer It's, you asked us something Just before we started

We started to shut the fuck up And that we do it on pod Yes What did you ask us? Well, I wanted to know your alarm clocks. You know, I don't know about the other phones, but the iPhone, you've got all of, the alarm clocks save automatically for some reason.

They decide, he's probably going to need 837 again. Just keep that there in case he needs 837 again. And obviously, they all save. I have every minute, essentially. And they've all got names to remind me of things. Pay the bridge. Hey? Pay the bridge is on a week.

When we used to work on Runcorn, you'd have to pay for the Runcorn bridge. so I'd set an alarm for the hour after I'd finish work to pay for the bridge. Mine's wild. Can I read yours out?

Because it's a Samsung, it's just got my last alarm. What? And it's someone living an unusual life. Okay, all right. 4.55 p.m. Nah. No, you alarm just.

out of a nap. I'd do that. Otherwise, it goes dangerous. Yeah. Yeah, a nap can very quickly become a full night sleep if you don't put an alarm on. Yeah, it's the real problem

when you've got to be at a gig. Otherwise, I'd go Onat Shirel on the wake-up. I've got one called Arlenkees. Not a clue. Take the chair. Wait, you're doing, hang on.

No, wait, wait, wait, guys, you just want the time. You're doing reminders. Yeah. These are different. This is wake up. They become my alarm. now so now my 8.50 alarm in the morning it's called sign out of Netflix because I was in

a hotel and if you leave your Netflix signed it in a hotel there's going to be games played on your Netflix isn't there that you don't want I've got one called if you snooze this you miss the train and that's for half seven in the evening he's telling himself from the past he's talking to himself in the future and going don't don't you You dare snooze. You're going to see something bad Sean? Guys, why are you talking about naming your alarms? I don't know what you're talking about.

So, the girls all just say alarm. No, it's just the time. Stop scrolling. It's the weird alarm written under the time. It's just alarm, yeah. If you haven't labelled it. Yeah, yeah, so that's the default name for it, but you can actually put a message or a name on it.

You've just blown lots of people's, but there are lots of lids. They did not know that. My half seven, one, until I changed my phone, used to be called call Ray Mears. Yeah. Why? Because you have to call Ray Mears. There's one time I had to call radio.

It wasn't like a daily thing. Sure. Do you want to see something insane? So see this interface and you do that and like change the number. If you go, you can reach the bottom. He's scrolling. Look at that. Look at me.

I keep going. It's not infinite loop. It's not infinite loop. It's a list of numbers that ends at the bottom. Why do you know that? It's the best thing I ever found ever. Oh, the best, the best thing. Like, it's not infinite.

It's a list. It's a very long... I can't believe. That has blown my mind. No one knew that. Come on. Dan's... Dan's speechless.

Dan's... We've lost Dan. I mean, you're right. Because Dan's not on an iPhone. Dan's a fucking sex offending. I don't know. Samsung S-25. The choice of the...

Yeah, sex offender. The choice of the sex offender. It's 25 kids? No, it's not. It's two and five. So... Oh, to comment? On the iPhone, I feel like we've left Dad out, this is so sad.

eBay, there's choice. Oh, yeah, absolutely. On the iPhone, there's a thing where it's trying to encourage you to... Wake up. To have a pattern. Yes, to wake up and to have like a sleeping pattern. So it gives you a reminder to go to bed. So your iPhone goes, this is when you should go to bed.

And then it will automatically give you an alarm to wake up so you can get into this kind of eight hour. I normally get that go to bed reminder. Oh, 20 minutes before I have to go on stage at a gig. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No one in their right mind has ever ever gone to that bed at the time. That their phone is when you told me to tell you to go to bed. You go, yeah, I mean, I was, I was in danger.

I didn't know me when I came up with that. What was I thinking? Yeah. It's insane. Right, who's got the latest, who's got the latest alarm? I mean. Do we think? In fact, I'm not, I'll be me.

You're 8.45 p.m. I've got 2359 because I used to have to make... Well, you can't... The episode live at midnight and a Sunday, so that doesn't really... That's it. That's a very late nap that you're waking up at. That's if I'm on stage, maybe at like half ten, I might have a little evening nap.

Wow. I love a nap, but once we're past seven of five... I've got one here. No, but then if I have a nap, then I can go and do my gig and then go and chin 12 pints. Oh, sorry, last, last, last. I've got one here, and I must have changed the time that there's alarm is.

because it's at 1.15 in the morning, call the bank, just do it. It's the shittest night advert ever. Look how we have to talk to ourselves. Because I've gone 18 to speak to the bank and I've got a certain alarm and I've shouted that myself in the past. I've got one called Guinness Ebbots,

which is at 8.35 a.m. So that's the one that woke me up this morning. It's still called Guinness Ebbott. That's the one that woke me up today. Ebbott's is a shortening of Ebbets Field Flannels, which is an American brand. And they did a merch collab with Guinness three years ago. And that was the alarm for me to jump on the pre-cellam.

Unmissible co-lop. I didn't know buying it in it either. And it's still waking me up to this day. 1027. You've got a 1027. I've got a 1027 alarm. What for? Well, I don't name them.

So I've got no fucking idea. Also, why 27? Because then you're up at half ten. I don't. That's what it is. I don't mind, no. that's you're out of bed that I have 10, that's it, that's...

Also, have you changed your snooze to 10 minutes? Have you updated your iPhone? What, for 10? No, it's 9, isn't it? You can change it to whatever you want, no. You can change it to whatever you want. Ooh. I'll give you this.

As a Samsung user, you don't have to put up with this. If I've got music on, even in the car, even in the car, not even in me, earphones. If my phone is connected to anything that plays sound to it and I'm listening to music, every round and then, it's just like, I'm just going to lower that down for you because that's actually quite loud that.

That is going to damage your eardrums. Oh, that's, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've turned that off. I've turned that off. It's just because you wanted to lower that. That's been quite loud all week, actually. Yeah, it's like having an annoying parent. Yeah, it's quite loud that.

And I'm a phone, so I get to tell you that. It's like, fuck, if I want to baste me on ear drums, I will, your fucking robot. Does it also give you, like, an end of the week, this is your steps. This is your screen time. You're a fat piece of shit. You only get screen time.

It's like, you are. I don't want to check my screen time. You've that tired piece of shit. Yeah, you've used your phone loads. What do you think your average screen timers? It's about six and seven. Do you see how much is body like with shame? Mine is so depressing, man. It's so bleak.

I'm going to tell you it's mine because I think I'm trying to get this down. Watching reeled. Mine's two hours 54. Fuck off. Shut up. I try to not be on my phone. The amount of times your girlfriend messages me and I don't, this is also. But a lot of them with work, I don't read this, not messaging me.

Yeah. I've bought an app. Because I'm not on my phone. For 80 quid, which is disgusting, called Opal. Oh, yeah. And Opal is an app that you buy. And what it does is it stops you from being able to use your phone. So what I've done is bought a phone and then bought an app to stop me using that phone.

Which, if you think about how mad that is, that's like going to buy a car, go, hello, I love that Kia, please, 15 grand. Here's an extra three grand. Can you clamp it? Thank you very much. Yeah, that's just what I needed. Thank you very much. Just walking, what the fuck are we doing?

We've lost our minds. Is there any way to override it? Yeah, delete it. You'd have to delete the app. Have you ever done that? No. I can't tell you. I don't use it.

You know, obviously don't use it. I would have to use it. Do you have to delete? It's insanity. They know they've got us. We've lost. We've lost. We've lost to the robots to where I.

It's done. Daily average for this week is six hours and one minute. Fuck. And that is down 32% from last week. Right. Does that mean you lost your phone or something? Is that a day a week on your phone? No, it'd be more.

Mine is seven times six, be 42 hours a week. Mine's through the roof. Is it? Yeah, because I've been watching billions. And it's, I don't, I can't. Because I've been watching the excuses. No, that's because I've been watching the... Seven hours, 15 minutes a day.

But it's because I'm juicing the stats by watching. So mine's YouTube majority because I fall asleep to YouTube. So that class is one. Mine's seven hours, seven minutes and I don't watch anything. Fucking hell. I don't watch like films or anything. That's pathetic, I mean. It's bad.

It's really sad when you're looking at an hour on Pokemon, go. I'm not, do you know what? I'm not, it's bad. I'm not said it's good, but I've thought it was worse. It's five hours and 56 minutes. Six hours a day. It's not fast. You're the week.

There's a full shift at work, you know? How most people are in 11? I watch Avatar 1 and 2. I mean, what can I say? I, uh, it's 22% down from last, from last week. The interesting one is, have you seen you can do pickups? How many times you pick your phone up a day? It can't tell you that.

Yeah. It doesn't tell you that. So I'm planning to pick my phone up a hundred and eight times a day. Oh, my only on it for less 30 hours. So where's that? I'll see all app and websites. Mine's 219 times a day. I've picked, that's depressing.

I've picked my phone up 57 times today. And it's half one. They're so good. Yesterday was 145. That's it, isn't it? It's everything is on there. Everything's there. Yeah, I think the reason my pickups are less

is that once I'm on it, I'm fucking on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you ever do that thing where you close TikTok and then open TikTok again? I've closed enough. I've done on it. I've just been on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I close it up, I'm done with TikTok and they go, wow, that's good though. The truth is when you're with a friend, whether it be the pub or a coffee and they go, I'm just going to use a toilet,

you think, thank God, I'll get to check for a phone. That is the relief. And they go and you're thinking fantastic. Go back to doing what I want. When you're with your partner and they check their phone,

you're like, well, I get phone check time? 100%. You're on your phone? Okay. And then they put theirs out and then they shout at you

for being on your phone. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. After sex, it's like, you're meant to be like, oh, you know, love you so much,

but it's just someone's waiting. Someone's just waiting to go, I'll just check my phone. Within minutes. If you're married, you're like, oh, you bonked, cool. Back on the ground.

I have to grab my phone straight after sex to turn the machina off. Put it on loop. Do you rotate as you having sex? You're rolling off your misses, Dan. After you've slept with her, you're rolling off. Checking your phone. She's hearing you go, oh, yeah, that's good.

And she's going, oh, do you enjoy that? And you're going, no, we've gone viral. Are you streaked on your phone after a little bonk here? I feel like that is, if you are, because you're not allowed to just leave the room, are you? I don't leave the room. I leave the room straight away. And like, yeah.

She goes to toilet. She cleans, I go to the toilet, I clean. And then when we're in the toilet, we're checking our phones. And then when my back, phones are finished. Are you just laying there on your phone covered in pussy juice? Yeah. Yeah. Who doesn't want that greasy screen? My God.

Can't get finger recognition. So you finish, and then you both just go, no, you're right, there probably is a little bit of clean up. But you're not allowed to just bonk, clean and then go about your day, are you? There's got to be some connectivity. It depends when you're doing it. If you're doing it in the afternoon, we should say you do in the morning,

I think there'd be more chance of moving on. But in the evening, you just... Oh, yeah, sorry. We don't... It's very rare that we're doing the... And also, we don't stay in the same room. So it isn't... There's a different set of rules, isn't it?

Well, I'm not paying. No. Hey, I love... I sort of, I'm no, aren't I? End of every month. He was like, like, like, sex done, off your subscription. No, that's what I'm saying. You can't do that.

I get what you mean. You're like, I'm not like, right, we're booking in. One p.m. fuck. Get out of my room at half one. Just watching billions. Come on, baby. You're fucking messing my screen time up. There's got to be some... Swipe them while you're watching it.

Yeah, yeah. That's trying to get the pussy juice off. Pussy juice off. That's a sentence I would never said before I started hanging out with these. I didn't talk like this. Now suck a fart out of my ass. It's part of that, wouldn't it? Oh, last time I was here, I think I'd just had my phone stolen.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you're wearing it like... Have you got back? That's what it was a different... No, I didn't get it back, it went to China. You could see it. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I've watched it on the... Yeah, I'll find my phone.

We went to China. That's such a pissed. Like, I think we said, like a toy story. It went phone. The phone had gone home, yeah. But, yeah. Is that the next level of the Opel app? Someone just comes and steals your phone and takes it to China.

That's the... What do you pay for it? That's the in-app purchase. I want to get one of those bricks. You brick it in the house. Have you seen them? So it's like a little brick. And it stays in your house

and you tap it on the way out the house and you set it to lock certain apps. So you could be like, right, Instagram, TikTok, Twitter. I don't need it to be scrolling on them while I'm out and about. I can do it like if I'm being a slob on the couch. But you select the apps that it bricks,

tap it once you leave the house you can't get on those apps right so yeah but this is what we're talking about this is how demented we've all becomeers we're having you're talking about buying a thing to stop you from using the thing you bought that's what you're you're just

it's the same thing yeah yeah but it's addiction isn't it like you can't just go cold turkey off the smack you need a bit of methadone this is the pro like sunny the light I genuinely was coming back from the trip what was it the train from Leeds to London this is how hooked I am on the phone phone for some reason I let it get to the stage where it was dead

I'm on the try I'm thinking I can't I can't do this journey just me and my head from Leeds to London because you don't you know you know the music you don't have the podcast but I mean if you think about thoughts your thoughts are a podcast it's just that my thoughts were all of the things about the past that you regret and all the things about the future that you dread right and I thought I can't listen to this for two and a half hours and that's your podcast that's my podcast yeah

that's class clown I've got to listen to my own podcast. So I go down, have you done, genuinely, I've had it done to me as well, but I went down the carriage to ask if I could borrow a charger, like a crackhead. Off another human. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's like being in Luddagat.

Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, sorry, it's above you. I can see you just try and enjoy your journey. I don't need the charger for the entire trip about 40% of a day. People going through their bags looking awkwardly. If I've got a charger, I haven't got a charger, sorry. This one, mate, I've got one. As a Samsung, fuck off. Did you get one?

Yeah, I did actually. Did you? I did, yeah. People will lend you their charger, yeah. Sean, I want to know what noise did you make when your phone got stolen? Because I imagine it was theatrical. Did you just let it go or did you make a scene? I think he's told us this last.

I think he just started laughing, didn't you? I laughed. Oh, I thought you think it was. It was the opposite of what you, I did the other day what you think I would do when I took my suits I tried to do a good thing and take my suits to the dry cleaners

which I thought was a good thing, well done. You don't need the suits yet but you're going to go before and you're going to be an adult and take things when you just don't need them last minute. Great, get to the dry cleaners, it's refurb, it's shut down and I did go,

fucking hell! Why do I bother? Sean, in my head, you do that three times a day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That we just spot on. Absolutely. Yeah, this is torture. Life.

Isn't it? It is. That, honestly, that would, like, maybe tip me over the edge. If you're trying to do something good and I'm well, I said no. You know, the days where... They're the days where I'm most on edge, you know, where I feel good.

If I wake up and I feel good, that's a problem. If I wake up and I feel bad, I just, I'm like, right, well, it's going to be a shit day. Or it'll get better? Or, and then anything remotely, good. I'm like, oh, you know what? Maybe it's not all bad. If I wake up on top of the world and I get productive like that. If I got there that, if I woke up and I'm like, do you know what? Fuck this. I'm sorting me life out today. Those suits, I'm going to need

them soon. I've got a couple of women. I'm taking them. If I got there and it was getting refurbished, I'm going on the air. You've hit the nail on the head. Waking up in a good place mentally is a terrible thing. You just wake up and you go, okay, all right. And what's up your sleeve, I know you've got something for me because I've woken up, I feel okay, nothing's gone wrong yet, give it to me, come on, what is it? When is it going to happen and show me?

Come on, and it does, it always presents itself. It goes, there's the thing that you thought was going to happen and ruin your day, and there it is, and it happens. It's true, you're right. You're right, I'm just right, I just wake up and, ah, this is shit, knew it, correct? Instead, oh. This is why I drink so regularly,

because if I wake up sober and not hung over, I wake up and I'm like I feel fucking class anything can do and I wake up hung over need a Chinese I'm a big fat cunt yeah I'm a big fat cunt yeah it gets better because I get spring rolls There we go and I will be releasing a self-help book

A couple of months time You can enjoy that Never wake up happy It's all down hill from there So do you go to bed happy Do you go to bed in a good mood I don't really go to bed Do you? I don't really go to bed

Do you? I go to bed Do you just sleep like like a cow in a field. What do you mean? You don't go to bed. I don't... You just give up every night. Do you sleep?

Are you a couch sleeper? You're a couch sleeper, yeah. What? What? What? What? It's a thing. They don't go to bed.

Who's the thing? Who? A couch sleeper? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know someone's mom who, she basically just, like, shut and her couch at two hours, and then makes a cup of tea at 4 a.m. And she's up there.

My mom does that. She watches like, will go stuff and then wakes up at five of them yeah no no no no i don't wait whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa i don't wake up on the sofa and that's the day i wake up at some random time that i and i don't know where the fuck i am what time it is what the hell's going on and i go to bed right in a kind of unconscious state i don't know what's happening i used to do that when i was like seven you get carried to bed though yeah well until i was about seven and then my dad was like you can fucking walk, you fat gunned. At 3 a.m.

Don't want this stupid swat off the bed. Take yourself. The sofa is so much more comfortable than the bed. That's, I thought, are you really bed people? Do you know what I think it is? Because I, I'm fully on board, but you're at this. Because I, trying to go asleep at night when I've got to go to sleep is basically an impossible.

If I get in bed, then I'm like, Bedtime! Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's impossible. No way. But, if I lie on the bed in the afternoon, I'm out. Like I can sleep very easily

and it's because you know and it's all self-sabotage and we're all mentally fucking, especially me and you, right? You know you're going to have to not do the thing you're doing there so you're like, I shouldn't be doing this year and that's engine to sleep.

So in the afternoon you can sleep in a bed because you know you've got to get out of it. So your body relaxes and goes, oh, just go sleep then. And the couch is the same thing. You're not trying to go to sleep. you're just going to sleep accidentally. This is it.

And your brain will let you go. And then when you're in that drunken sleep shooter, you go to bed and you just, ugh. If I know, I tell you if I know if I'm enjoying a film, I fall asleep. I know, if I'm enjoying the film, it means it's a good film because I've suddenly relaxed and I'm now not thinking about how horrific

all the choices I've made in my life are. And I go, this is good. Dan, and I'm out. Do you afternoon nap in bed? Yeah, that's mad to me. And my afternoon nap on the couch. No, no, no. So I'm still like in the day.

If I get in bed. If I, do you get naked? Like, do you get like bed ready? I sleep in my boxer shorts. Not for your nap. Whoa, not for your nap. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa.

You don't get shit. No, whoa, whoa, whoa. No, you don't. My bed time for an afternoon nap is identical to my bed time. Demental. Is there some sort of jingle? This is earpugs on a lap on the couch. I'll nap in jeans. You're fully dressed.

You've practically that you've got boots on. You know, you're in the bed with the boots? You can carry on with the day when you wake up. What are you talking about? The only difference between my afternoon nap and my bed is the sort of magnitude of the wank. So that is the only exception. Afternoon, crack a little one out.

That is the only exception is if I'm planning to have a little, like, if I'm having a nap, I genuinely will keep my jeans on. Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. But if I also think, I could do with a little combing head as well. I've slept in coats. Beanie, super dry. Gym pads. They're balaclava.

Hiking boots. Yeah, totally. I put more clothes on to nap. I'm not insane. I've slept in shoes and taken them off. Scoob-diving equipment. Paracel. If you go on parisail and afterwards, yeah.

Because the day isn't finished, you just took a little thing in. You're going to bed twice. But if I'm going to have a wife, then I will, then I will get into sleep mode. And I'll have a little, woo.

Like if my missus is at where, and I know I can put the porn on the telly. Porn on the telly. Streaming for. from your phone. Hello, 1993. No, streamed from you. It's not a fucking VHS.

No, well, I know, but porn on the telly. I mean, that's big, that's big, isn't it? It is big, and I've got a big old thing. Yeah, it's literally. That's a massive arse on my wall. Is that when you commit to a video? What do you mean? Are you scrolling on the telly?

That's the, no, you can't do that. No, but I'm saying, like, are you going, right, this is the one I'm going to use teley. Yeah. Yeah, okay. Who does that? Oh my God. To get to the right video, I've got to watch at least.

a hundred and eight videos, 30 of them German. Is he scrolling or is he... I'd rather not be disclosing this. I have to angle me Phoenician blinds like that way so that you could only see into me house if you were above it.

And no one is. You don't want to... You don't want to... But go on. I'd rather not be disclosing this but I have been in a position where... Why am I?

I tend to if I'm going to enjoy myself in the way that's being described. I tend to go to the bathroom. Oh, really? I could never do it. I poo in there. I go, that's my, that's my station.

And I go, and I go there. Even when the house is empty. How's it? What? What? No, no. You're the man of the house. No, no, this is.

I will admit to you. You're the man of that. I'll wank in the living room. I will wank in the pantry to prove a point. Yeah. So, Sean, I'm going to give you an olive branch that I wouldn't give to me. Many other people.

Thank you very much, Adam. I appreciate that. I've done this before, right? I've been horny, got in bed. It hasn't happened. She's gone to sleep. You can't just wank next to her. I'm pretty sure you can't earthquake her awake.

You can't do that. Yeah. So at that point, if I'm like ragingly horny and it hasn't happened, then I will maybe go, ah, stomach's a bit bad ear, love. I'm going to go to toilet. Why are you waking it up?

No, no, like she's just drifting off. Oh, I go to the living room? this makes a lot of sense No but I don't want to You don't go to the living room If I'm going for a wank I can do it in five minutes And get back into bed

If I go to the living room for five minutes She's going to be like You're wanking on the couch, aren't you? Like you've got to commit to an episode of friends To go downstairs Why was it silent in the living room Who's been in a living room

And it's just been silent The TV Have, okay If the TV is not on In the living room And a man is in the living room He's wanked To any of the female

listeners, that's what's happening. Have you got a break glass if needed video or a few? Like I need to get this done. I've got a favourite video. Mine's a Blake lively, ironically. Oh, I fit like a film? No, it's just because you said Blake accidentally.

I've got, on my bookmarks, I've got finishes. Oh, you've bookmarked them, yeah? I've got, I've got finishes. Do you leave comments as well? I've promised you, I have never been like, oh, bloody hell. I'd love to be there as well, girl. No, I've genuinely never...

But if we are doing a cull of humans, anyone who's ever commented on a porn video, first ago. No, because there's some people who say, what's her name? And you want to know their name, and someone's replied their name, and then you get a new catalogue of a woman,

you're like, what's her name commenters, go, go, call, call, go, go, and sorry to pick you off at this little detail, but it's not what's her name. It's just, name. Name, yeah, yeah. I don't know whether you'll know this.

Do you know, Dan, to this day, has a separate Twitter account that he uses just to watch Twitter porn. No, I didn't. That's my dirty Twitter. That's your dirty Twitter. You could just log into your dirty... Do we know your handle?

Oh, it's all been done, yeah. We got it. But he said I'm a new one now. No one new as well. No, I've not. It's the same one. Oh, you can't see people's... Everyone knows it because I panicked because everyone could because how I saved the video is I like him and then I go to my likes and I'm like oh brilliant here's all my favourites all the good ones and when we did this no it just likes it's exactly the same thing works the same they're public aren't you no they're not that's the point so I panicked so much when we did this and then it's brilliant because it's fine so I have like my dirty Twitter has 600 followers my my Twitter is

That's so good. The only thing I retweet is Rob Thomas Clips. That's great. I've got to pretty, this is a strong, yeah, there's a strong Twitter.

It's me, wanking and Rob Thomas putting out content. My, my ex, my Twitter account, like, that's not me.

That doesn't represent me. I watch, I mean, this is common, right? I watch what I don't think I should be watching. It doesn't actually rep, I hate watch.

Yeah, I hate follow people Yeah So it's not really you No Do you know what I mean It's not your algorithm It's weird It's this other bit of you

The dark side Like it's just like Pido Hunters Go on Oh you watch Pido Hunters Yeah yeah yeah yeah Also that algorithm is pushing that towards you Yeah Like Twitter is the angriest algorithm

It's dying Like if you If you just go to the bottom of your homepage it'll got like mine's like few comedians and then there's a bit of NFL and within just like two scrolls it's like oh there's people fighting in America there's someone angry about flags

it's I've never liked any of that stuff it's Twitter desperate for that like division so it'll be like messy yeah why I was about dogs abuse over the weekend oh shit yeah what's that how do you and vital over this week for a moving house

I saw it yeah I'm on did negatively though, not good viral, the bad one. Oh, the bad? I wouldn't know, mate. I have no idea what that's... I don't know.

The whole platform thrives on anger. Yeah. Because people want to read... You want to read negativity or a positivity? Within a gap, Twitter isn't just pushing... Oh, you might be interested in this. It pushes...

Yeah, because awful shit is more entertaining to people. Like, there's a billion documentaries about murder and, like, fucking rapists and shit. There's no documentaries about... the fellow who made Petty Falloo, totally, but go on, go on Instagram. The fucking should be. John Petty.

That's the point. The Petty Faloo murderer. Yeah, but like, Petty Faloo's nice. May there's not. But no one's arse about watching a Yoder documentary. The other algorithms don't push it as aggressively as Twitter. Like, Instagram is way like that, aggie.

Well, no one invented the Petty Fool. It's Mr. T, one. My favorite kind of is very X. You don't see this on Facebook. Or, like, Instagram is when it's like you scroll down and it like and Putin's met Trump or something yeah yeah and then and then on my algorithm it will come up and someone to go can't believe people are actually falling for that being Putin and it's like Scott 414 you know who do you think you are that you think that's not

Putin and then they'll show a picture of Putin now against the picture of him as like a 12 year old boy who looks like themselves at 12 year old he didn't have that scar when he was 12 yeah exactly Yeah, he didn't fall off at all, still he was 16. You're a fucking silly cunt. Fuck, breaking you. My favourite and most hated people are the didn't happen, people. You know, like, you can say any story on the internet and someone just has to comment.

I'll take, did not happen for a thousand points. Oh, my God. Yeah, TikTok comments. This didn't happen, didn't it? It's like, it did, and it's just a funny story. No, but even if it didn't, like, neither did Star Wars, and that's still all right, isn't it? So just enjoy it as a...

Checking out of the cinema going, nah, didn't happen. That is not real. What, do you mean? Why does every story have to be real for it to be entertaining? Harry Potter, did not. Yeah? Why didn't he... Finding Nemo's a load of shit.

Never happened. I'll say, did not happen at the year. Oh, so then I invented a funny story then? So that makes me brilliant, doesn't it? Pff! Pleasuring yourself, whilst you're looking at your phone, you're watching the video, the naughty video. Whilst I'm watching the naughty video,

I start getting WhatsApp messages. my mum, pop down, I'm trying to push up my, my mum. My mum said, when's your next show? Instead of show, she's put shoe. But she keeps on trying to try to correct it. So I'm there just trying to, and then all I can see is like, shoe, she's just getting it rocked, shoe. She's like, shoe, shoe, shoe, until I finish, she puts a kiss. And I finish.

Finish on the kiss. What are the advantages to your mum being dead? Don't I have to worry about shit like that? I mean, that doesn't text me. There's a reason we got on. Living very similar lives in many ways. Oh dear. Should take a break, a pause?

Please. Oh, how is that 34 minutes? Sean, you've got a national tour coming up soon, haven't you? I will do, yes. So just watch out for that. Well, you look out for that because I don't know what the dates are yet, but Spring. Spring. Right.

I will be on tour in the spring and there is already a London date at the Hackney Empire that's on sale now if any Londoners are a listing. It's called This is Torture. Where'd you get tickets? On the internet?

Where does you want to know? Have you got a website? Oh yeah, shawmarsh.com. Yeah, people don't do that. Do they? You just go, you just get Sean Walsh, London. Wouldn't you? I would, yeah.

People are stupid. Yeah. And you've got about eight. podcast. Oh, sorry, hang on. I know. I've got, yeah, I've got WhatsApp set you now with Paul McCaffrey and I've got, oh, my dog with Jack D. So if you've got kids, there's a podcast you can have on with the kids in the background and then I've got class clown, which Adam's done and the feedback was amazing. And Dan is also the most requested guest. I'm going to do it. I promise. So yeah, check those out.

Thank you so much. But yeah, this is torture. Hack the Empire and then spring dates. Adam, have you got any exciting news coming up? Well, I'll do a pre-roll for this as well, but for those who skip that, my brand new tour for Autumn Winter, 26, called Fashionism, is going on pre-sale on Wednesday and general sale on Friday. So what's next Wednesday? Wednesday the 29th of October, pre-sale for patrons, patreon.com slash have a weird pod.

There will also, I think, probably be an O2 priority pre-sale as well if you're on that. And then general sale will be Friday. And I can sort of, yeah, let's just tell you everywhere I'm going. So people are like, where are you going to here? Then I can just tell you, can I. We're starting cork. So cork, opera house, Dublin, Olympia, Bristol, the Beacon, London, Hackney Empire. Yes.

Yes. Real Pavilion, Cardiff, New Theatre, Middlesbrough Town Hall, Newcastle City Hall, Glasgow, King's Theatre, Sheffield, City Hall. Glasgow, King's Theatre, Sheffield, City Hall, the Liverpool Empire, where I'd take my last special. York, Barbican, Leeds Town Hall, Manchester Opera House, which looks like the place I'm going to tape the special next year. So if you want to be there for the special tapen,

Manchester Opera House, Birmingham, the Alexander, and then we finished this leg, at least, of the tour, in Nottingham at the Concert Hall. if somewhere you want me to go is not on that list then message me on Instagram and if enough people want me to go there I'll try another show this tour when

if and when it gets extendable go into 2027 which is also where the international dates it also goes without saying that he's exceptional that stand up and I've seen some of the stuff that's going to be on this tour and it is some of his best ever if you're enjoying this podcast and you haven't signed up for the Patreon

patreon.com slash have a word pod all the back catalogue of specials or the back catalogue of the exclusive episode we put out every Wednesday and then you get the early release video of the public episode so you don't have to wait till Monday for as little as three pound a month it is the best value patron

in the game it's the biggest in the UK and one of the biggest in the world sign up you pub you also get tickets added extras such as film club it's all for three pound a month what a bargain you don't get tickets you get access to tickets yeah boy shall we do some

advice, because I got shouted at before, and we didn't do it. I'm here to help. Oh, here's a help. I solved your problems. You can't hear this show. Is that a new jingle? No. I don't know. Then I'll don't. If you get bored of the jingles, please make some music send it in.

We will change it up. Don't make it AI. Don't make it real. Sam Burton says, hi Lids. Looking for some advice here. I'm an 18-year-old uni student who got his first job. a few months back, after ages of my parents nagging me. The issue is, I've recently been fired from the job and don't know how to tell my parents out of fear

that they'll be disappointed in me. How do I go about telling them the news that I know will make them disappointed and annoyed? Well, why did you lose the job? It's the important question, isn't it? You're a paedophile? Are you a paedophile? Because then, Sam, they will be annoyed.

Unless they're also paedophiles? And then they'll be proud. Family business, son, family trade. Well done. It depends what the job was, now you lost it, didn't it? The thing is that you're always going to disappoint your parents.

You sound like a loser. So, you know what I mean? Just like take this one, get used to disappointing them, get used to dealing with the fact that they're disappointed in you. And then next time when you lose another job, you won't be as asked.

Or just try heroin. Just start doing smack. I'd leave the country. Just fuck off. Just hide from it. I don't think, I mean, I never want to disappoint me mum, but I don't think I'd ever care that much that I wouldn't want to tell her.

Hang on, wait, what was the job? We'll never know. Right, okay, but I mean, is this your career or is this I work in... This doesn't sound like a lad who was like, you know, he wasn't building spaceships, like... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He works in... Mum, got a job I had, yeah? Building spaceships, love.

Yeah, lobster. You're a student And they've obviously gone You need to get a job To go along with your uni studies Yeah Just go and get another job And don't tell them

Because you're a fucking grown adult You don't have to tell The What? It's fine I can You work in a card You know what

Paper chase or something Don't worry about it My mum used to allow me To get a job when I was like 14, 15, 16 14? 14 years before it was legally allowed Get a fucking job will you?

Oh I used to get paid to do leaflet in I used to get paid a pence a leaflet A pence A pence

A pence Not a penny Not one pence A pence You've been fucking overpaying him Whatever you're paying him It's way too much

You're going Harry 20P mate Today I made 60 a pence That was in like 2012 as well So that was It wasn't like

That's like 1.7 pens now And And she was like, there's a job going at McCulls. You need to go get it. And I was like, Mom, I just want to do school. You know, like I'm constantly. And she's like, no, you've got to go get a job. So I went to McColls.

And I went to the woman or, do you have a job open? And she was like, yeah, do you want an interview? And I went, and I just went and bought a bar chocolate. I just sat on the step for an hour. And then went back on the air. The interview didn't go well. I just said that I didn't get it. How old were you?

15, maybe. They can't legally hire you. at that age anyway was it for a paper round that was like working behind them you can't do that's against the law that's why they wouldn't have hired you because they'd have been breaking the law oh my mom needs to fucking stop nagging me then i mean she does now because you're grown out with a job yeah but like back then she was like because she was like oh when i was 11 i used to work in an ice cream van who i think with flex another peter fan yeah also when your mom was 11 like no there was no laws kids did our own ice cream vans yeah yeah 1983 no laws

sorry, this is a very, I'm 39, I'm at the doorstep of 40, so this is a very kind of middle-aged thing to say, but I am at that place in life now where I basically think you should have to be 35 until you can actually have a job. I now walk into a shop and see a young person and just go, oh, for fuck sake, here we go.

And they're just there, and they just stare, they look like they've been injected with something. They're just staring at you like that. And you go like, hi, yeah, can I get like a Flapitina, whatever, can I get a black American color? And you hear their neck. This is horrible. Now Sam Sixthus, I've gone down a bad road.

But we could just hear the nails tapping on the iPad. Just the nails are like, k-k-k-k-k-k-k. And then they just spin that iPad round at you, like, go, fucking tap that. I'd fucking tap that, would you, and get the fuck out of my shot. How many times are they spinning it? Screw if you want to go faster with the iPad. But, you know, they just don't even look at you. They just, ugh.

About five years ago, I was in Prime Ark, and I wanted to jump up. put all a shirt or whatever and they had like loads of mediums and excels but no large is there and I said to the woman have you got this in a large and she was like oh I'd have to go and check in the back and I went and I went could you do that for me please she went and hid behind a different male of clothes and I watched her go and go and she stayed there for about two minutes and then came back and told me, yeah, we haven't done me. But it's not, it's not, it's not a,

but it's not a generational thing. To be clear about this, and I know this. I know people that Gen Z and millennial and all of that. It's not that. You can say that people use that language a lot. It's, it's young and old. It's about youth.

I was the same. It's not about generate, I got, and I've probably said it on here, I got sacked from TK. Max for falling asleep under the coats. I got woken up by my boss underneath, like, the bomber jacket. She's like, yeah, I don't think you should work her anymore. You're like, yeah, fair enough.

I'm a sleep under the gate. Like, it's not Gen Z, Millenny. It's just young. Young, you can't expect a young person to give a shit about your life. They don't know how much worse this is going to get. They don't have the empathy of our life is hard, isn't it? So I might try and perk you up

by making this coffee, have a little bit of cremer on the top. You know? Oh, this is what I think about you. And hang on, let me explain. I think this is the right analogy. This is how I see life thus far. You know when you're driving down the motorway, right? You're driving down the motorway.

On the other side of a motorway is a traffic jam. You see that traffic jam. And there's a bit of you, you know. Well, so you're just speeding past you see all the miserable faces and everyone's just been sat there for an hour. And you zoom past. it and you get to the end of that that traffic jam you get to where it finally ends and you carry on and then you see the car in the distance and that car doesn't know what lies ahead i love that right that car is your 20s they have no fucking idea what's coming when you see them all driving at a normal speed half a mile out and you're like brother you have to slow down very soon yeah yeah Yeah, but everyone in the traffic jam

that's like just sitting there and they're like, oh, that's us, that's parents, that's people with kids, mortgages, jobs, responsibility. You've got to sign up for your fucking, what's the thing we're all putting on money? Pension. All that shit. We're just there in a car.

I'm stuck. Let's not moving. And you've got the person in the 20s, like with them, make me their track on. You wait. You wait. You wait. You see what's coming.

I've got a question about shops. Was I on side or off side of the air? Are you okay with opening things in the shop before you've bought her? It depends what it is. If it's like chicken breasts, no. I don't see why I'd be, so there was a...

Doors? There you go. Hang on. With the theory, you take the rapper and you're honest about it and go, hey, there's an empty wrapper. I've scrammed this. So I was in the sauce aisle. I was like,

sometimes you don't update your stuff. sauce inventory in your house. Sorry? I didn't hear you. What? Start again. And I know what you're about to say and I honestly think you should be shot.

Go on. I'm in Tesco. Right. And I'm like, we need some new sources. Sometimes I like to update the sauces in my cupboard. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. A new barbecue, a new sweet chili. A new hot sauce.

You can't sniff the sauce. And there was a new chicken sauce. Are you going to sniff the sauce? He's going to sniff the sauce. He's going to sniff the sauce. He's going to sniff the sauce. You can't sniff the sauce. You can't sniff the sauce.

I don't sniff the sauce. No! What are you doing? But I bought the sauce because I liked it. Yeah, but what if you didn't like the smell? I don't know. I don't know what the next move was. No.

I needed to know. There's no try before you buy a sauce. And it was also to take the cap off peel. No! Illegal. Shoot this man. That is a straight red. You need to leave.

I bought the sauce. sauce no but you weren't you didn't you weren't definitely gonna I did I need to sniff the sauce it was just like a chicken sauce kind of thing that I've never seen it's like that's new on the shelf I can't buy it and take it oh stick a finger it's three pound ten I was like I'm trying to sniff it yeah you know that that's the game that's the game of sauce I know but I'd just been a gym and I couldn't be out to the game of sauce oh so you were sweaty chicken after the gym I was like I want sauce and I was like I'm playing the game of sauce and losing it's after the gym and I sniff

You're a, you know what that makes you? You're a sauce sniffer. You're a sauce sniffer. You should be asked to leave the Tesco. That's a homophobic player, by the way. That's a homophobic car. Fucking saw sniffing. That is.

Sorry. That is what you are now. Okay. You saw sniffing car. That's really bothering me now. I love to they all knew. Hey, to the 18 year old who needs a job, go in Tesco and tell them people are sniffing sauces.

And you just stand there and go, saw your life out, mate. Go on. And I am. Buy a source, live on the edge. Oh, have you ever been fired? Good job. I've not been fired.

I've just stopped turning up. Would have been... Hang on, he's been woken up and asked to leave. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And actually, I got sacked from the Odeon because they brought in allocated seating

into the... Whilst I was there, they brought in... So it was just... You get a ticket, you go in. And then it was, no, let's try this with numbers. So it's packed Friday night when people used to go to the cinema.

And I, someone then complains that someone's in their seat. So you have to go, excuse me, sorry, you're in that person's seat. And then that person goes, yeah, but that's because they're in my seat. And this happened about three times and I was like, I can't handle this. This is too much for me. And I just left. And the manager was going like, Sean, what do you do it? Sean, wait, what do you do it?

And I just left and then I was sacked. Because it is a never-ending chain? Because that person sat in someone else's. Could you imagine how anxiety-inducing that that is? Now, that wouldn't happen now because everyone respects the numbers. I think so. Yeah, but you were in the crossover bit.

You are so not suited to that sort of confrontational. Do you know, if I go, like, if I was in the cinema, and let's assume it's like even semi-busy, or it looks like it's going to be for the film, which is rare these days, because, you know, cinema is a struggle and not, I think, but let's just assume, you know, it's a popular film, looks like it's going to be busy.

If I get in and someone's in my seat and I go, that's my seat, and they go, well, they're in my seat. I'll go, well, fucking get up and go and do to them what I'm doing to you. Yeah? You silly cunt. Like, fuck off.

Yeah, you've done nothing wrong. Yeah, that's not my problem. Because you're a little bitch and won't get him to get out of your seat. Go and take your seat back off that, arrogant, cunt, fuck off. Adam is the first domino in a massive fight in the odium. Within eight minutes, there's just fist fights everywhere.

But Adam sat in the middle of a gun, don't give a fuck. I've got my seat. I think I would just don't know why that's right. Like, if you were in, if you were in like KFC and like someone shouted your number and you went to the desk and someone went over and took the back

and they went, well, someone took my feet before. You wouldn't be like, oh well, I'll wait and steal the next person. Please be a big order. Please be a lot of shit that is. Don't give a fuck who took your food. Complain to these people if you want. Okay, so what do you do if they're stubborn and they go, mate, I'm not moving?

Who? The person in your seat. Yeah. And they go, sorry on me, I'm not moving. You got to get a shit on them. Really?

I would sit on them. I'm like, cool. Well, this is my seat. So whether you're in her or not, I'm sitting in it.

When we started this podcast, this sort of thing, I was like, he wouldn't do that. Now I'm like, my man would. There is a man, sat on another man

to come and help you. Adam Rowe is sat on someone. It's going weird. The closest I've gotten to what you're describing and it's taken me fatherhood to get there is someone's cycling on the pavement

and I've gone, there's a cycling lane there, that's it. I pointed out the cycling lane. That's as close as I could never do what. When you've got kids, that's such a weird irritation. So are, which one? It makes sense because you're like, my kid is where they're meant to be.

If you knock them on their ass, that's on you. Could you just fuck off? You've got your own lane. It's fantastic. You've got your own lane. Well, someone's walking in that Well, well, cool. Just do wheelies over my four-year-old.

It's a big wheelie. With a hop at the end. Our gym, you come out to a blind bend. There's a wall, essentially, with the curb. And recently, a kid was... And luckily, a second later, it just smashed into Seneca. And he swaved into the rope.

I was like, Vlad! I was like, you are driving on where I am walking. And then from now on, I'm dead fucking nervous on that corner. She's a bit of it. He just fucking killed her. Yeah, and she's... She's...

Five foot five. Yeah. She's, like, lad, she's going... Some John her. I was like, lad, you're not meant to be doing it, especially at the speed you're going, deliver new drivers, do we?

Oh, the guys who do wheelies in the middle of town who were just like, yes, what I do. You're like, oh, I want death. I always want that... Do they want to do that on their own? They've seen them

when they're on their own doing her. Who's that for? Like, they don't do it like a lad. I can do a wheelie. I'm sick me. But sometimes you don't wheelie to show off. Sometimes you're wheelie so that you know yourself can wheelie. I did not see you being on the side of the wheelie.

He's just a contrary. I did not see that coming. I'm not saying I, like, if I'm... Have we got a secret wheeler here? Look out of the early hours of the morning, Adam. If I'm... If I'm walking through town and someone's wheelie and through like a pedestrianised bit,

yeah, bang, shoot them in the head, right? Thank you. Like, if you're on the road and you've got a bit of space to yourself, Carl's saying like he sees someone wheeling on their own, they're not with their friends. I'd do that if I could pull a wheelie, would you? So that I know I could wheelie. By the way, a 16 year old on a bike in the road,

mate, you're 16, I've been 16, you're bell ends. I have a wheelie. Wheelies, wheelie in sport, in it? Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry, they know what I was in the fucking wheelie convention. Shut up, you sore sniffing. Yeah.

It's like saying like, oh, why would you have a snickers when you're on your own? Because it's nice. I'm not showing me snickers off to anyone else. It is just like that. Anything from the shop, babe. Yeah, a wheelie. on me own.

I could be wheeling instead that he can't miss. You've really made it sound like you're someone that wouldn't give a ball back to a kid that keep the ball in your garden. Is it at my car? Is it at my car? The ball's going over the houses.

Here's a question. You get to footy first, right? You get there a quarter seven. We're all like... I'm always early. Right? You're there to quarter seven. You start kicking the ball at the crossbar playing crossbar challenge with yourself?

Yeah. What you just have for? For me? yeah to prove to yourself that you can have the crossbar it's the same as wheelie it's a skill isn't it's the car's on the astro turf and we're getting the way off what do you mean but the reason I'm saying why you're doing that is fucking move off the road wheelie and if I hit you I'm in trouble you can't run cyclist don't no but if they're doing wheelies

but they're not going any slower when the wheelie in sorry I didn't realize you would have been fucking wheelie advocate just not in a pedestrianised bit oh we're pro wheelie obviously this isn't it's turning to a town whole meeting where we're complaining to the, or you're complaining to the council about wheeling, we're defending it.

Yeah, I was early for 40 though. That's true. Anonymous lady says, Wagwag, lids, I need your help. I've been on the dating scene for ages now and I've had an awful look. Finally, in the last few months, I found the perfect manny, stunning, my age, athletic, really funny, great in bed.

That's my bad. It's honestly... You don't know where this is going. It's honestly, like I've hit the lottery. However, of course, it's too good to be true. I've been staying over at his more and more recently, and he sleeps naked. What I've noticed from getting frisky and cuddling in the morning

is that the man has winnets, like actual winnets in his ass hair, found them in the bed and everything after he's gotten up. He's 36 and he can't wipe his bum properly. Now I feel repulsed by him when he's got his pants off. But aside from that, he's genuinely my dream man. And I've been waiting so long for someone to come along. long, so I'm worried if I say anything about his Winnett's, then he'll leave. What do I do? Is this something I bring up, or should I not be with someone with such awful

arse hygiene? I'm not 36. If your part of it's got a daisy bum in bed, what is it whinny? It's pooing your arse. It's in the hair, though. It's entangled in the hair. That's what dogs get in it? Yeah. Yeah. I thought they were called Klingons. It's the same way. We're a Star Trek. Who's got that much bum hair? I mean... Who's the girl? I can have, you know... Did you shave your asshole?

Yeah. So you're fine, you're not going to get winters. Hang on, hang on. I don't. Wet shave my anus. All right. I'll fucking doff protest too much there, me, Jesus.

Oh, come on. If your wife's got that amazing leg shaving rate... Is this a public? I don't know what I was saying. You shave your bum-all with your wife's razor. Yeah, give the cheeks a little one once over. The cheeks? You can...

The cheeks! You're an asshole and your wife's pussy can't be touching the same piece of metal. You can't. Oh, God. Dear, oh dear. I've got a really... I've shaved my...

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But the cheeks? No, not the cheeks. I said the cheeks. Yeah, the outer. Just a... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not the full rump.

He said he shaves his bum cheeks. I don't want hairs down there. What for? What, what, what? Genuinely, because I want to be the antithesis of this guy. Shave your eyes. Just because you've got hair

doesn't mean you have winnets. I shave my eyes. You're not getting winnets on your ass cheeks. You've made the mistake if there's poo on your bum cheeks. That is a fact. Yeah. I would say that, um,

I think that you've got to, um, you've got to make sure that's clean. I sometimes, I just, I just, I just can't. stop wiping. It just doesn't, it just doesn't seem to, to go. Sometimes I'll be still sat there

after 20 minutes and I'm going, I don't, I don't know what's going. Have you, have you never had that though? Like, you go for the shit. Oh, he's not because, you know, do, do, do, do, do, dun, dun, dun, done, done, done. I used to get in the shower before. Japanese toilet. I used to wash my bum so it wasn't full of poo. Does anyone know what's going on there, though, when it's just, you've been, it's like, it just won't, it just won't go. Yeah, it's not like, yeah. You're just, He just won't go. I don't know what's going on.

Get in the shower? It's quite thick on the toilet paper. Is there not still pooing you, but with that point? This is more of a like a GP's visit. It just won't stop. It won't start. No, but I think what it is sometimes. I missed it.

Sorry for speaking for you, Sean, but I think. Please do. I don't know. I don't know. I'm sorry if you repulsed by any of this talk about poo. Yes. Well, welcome to the pod. Sometimes I think what happens is your asshole things you've done shit in before you actually are.

And there's still like a bit of a full poo in there. Oh, 100%. I think the Sphinxia goes, I've done a lot. How much more do you want me to do? So then you wipe, but like... Are you wearing the poo away? Oh, I see. Like sandpaper.

Yeah. You've prematurely wiped. Also, if you're in bed with a partner whose poo is in the bed, bring it up. Yeah, you can bring that up. Yeah, but your poo's in the bed, means? But, Carl, you've come from a very confident position.

You've been in love with CERica for 15 years. You're not going anywhere. You're a dream couple. She's worried. She's been lonely. And then this guy's come along. Apart from Sereka's ass, notice on winnets. What, are you just going straightaway?

Oh, babe, you got winnets and your bum all? No, I'm moving positions and making not and of it. Exactly. What? You wouldn't tell Serica about a winn't. After the fact, she would notice, wouldn't she? Now? They've been there for weeks.

Week long, winnets. She's got poo in her bum for weeks. Winn't it? How are you bringing it up? I'm Serke. Go on. She's got poo in your bum for weeks. Yeah?

I'm Seneca. Okay. Hello, love. You're all right. You seem to have changed a lot. You're picking your nose and scratching your head. You've never done that before. She's never scratched her before.

It's not in that order. All right. So is the toilet seat still working? Because I love it. I don't have you been... If you're not been using it? Use them what? The toilet seat.

Our special toilet seat that cleans us. Yeah, yeah, I still use it, yeah. You sure? Is it? It doesn't seem to me. I'm using it just as much as I always have. Right. Because I was down in Plymouth yesterday.

of the, and, you know... Is that a euphemism? Yep. All right. Oh, Sean. Sean Walsh. No, you may as he lives in Plymouth. Oh, he's moved. It's, this is irrelevant.

He doesn't live in Plymouth, more. He thinks he's moved more exit to ways. Anyway. You always made this a lot weirder. It's how far apart you both are. It's access to the Gouche. Yeah, yeah. I think the Plymouth thing has really made this more complicated.

You've kind of made this quite weird, but there's poo in your bum. Oh, there you go. There's, there's poo in your. your in your bum right I want a divorce no you just need to what I think you would say I think maybe you need to wipe more if I just go I just notice when you're sleeping there's a there's a serious response I've just noticed when you sleep naked I think maybe just occasionally need to just wipe a bit more before you are you before you I believe it then leave home and never come back

but I do think maybe get my back sack and crack for Christmas yeah oh just clean the bed them do the bed go can we do the bed together and go why's the bed full of poo? Yeah. That's a, do you know what? And look around like you don't know it's him, what? You go, like, God, your side of the bed is full of poo. And then, if he

doesn't do shit on about them, leave him. Yeah, that's a great shout. I think that's a great shout. It's poop. Is it really such a deal breaker? Pooh in the bed? Yes. Like, dirty bums is not, that's one of the, nah. I mean, I'm not, I'm not saying I. I think you are. I'm not. I'm not. I'm

I'm a vigorous wiper. And my arse all looks like a UB40 concert. Do I mean? Like it's hairy. All white. All white and lots of dreadlocks. But like I could, it's clean.

Do I mean? How do you know, bars? I bend over in the shower. No, you don't. And how do you know it's clean? Because the water goes in my ass. You don't really bend over in the shower, do you?

Yeah, because no, you don't clean. Like, it's not a car wash. Sorry, that's a new one, isn't it? You work down there, too? Harry, I think you might need a Winnett check. I've not got Winnett's. He's never shaved his pubes, Sean. I shaved them once and then, yeah.

Can you imagine a state of his ass? I put money on. You haven't winnets. I don't have Winnits. You don't know that you don't. I can't mind. You just use paper to wipe your bum. Yeah. Yeah.

And you've been really hairy bum. Oh, guys. Then you do. No, no, no, no. Because I'm wiping until it's till completion. I'm not going. I'll just say with it a poo for later. If you got poo in your hair,

I've not got poo in my hair. No, if you got poo in your hair and then use paper to wipe it out, is there still poo in your hair? Oh, that's so bad. This is definitely coming from a man with a Japanese toilet. And I used to get in the shower

after a poo. Every time. You do know that that's mad, though. Yeah, because I just didn't like having a smelly pooey. I know you think it's mad, but it's, there is some reason into it. It's totally, yeah.

Like I've never done it But I'd get the I've met people who are like Oh I have to It makes some sense It's totally impractical Like there's pain But that's why the

Yeah the Saudi Arabia And great Yeah Where wrong They're right Absolutely Not about everything What are they wrong about done?

It's hard to wipe your ass Without any hands What are they wrong about Dan What is Saudi Arabia be wrong about? Yeah, yeah. Well, they didn't book me for the comedy festival. Why are you talking about it? Ladies and jents, that's the Hoverwood podcast.

It's been a pleasure talking to Sean Wohl. Thank you, everyone. Get tickets for my no show of fashionism, please. Appreciate you. Love you, everyone. Is it a song? Oh, there is a song. Sorry, I thought Finn wasn't here, no songs.

There is a song It's called Girl by the Public Eye and it's a little bit of a rammer I've not heard it but Finn said it's quite good he also said thank you for everyone

saying nice stuff about his new song Oh shit up Finn Yeah go and check out Finn's new song The comeback The comeback He bent over in the shower

I saw a TikTok of a Like there's an Indian doctor You said to it You meant to poo You meant to pooed your legs up aren't you? Falling in my mind felt like a day to pay.

of my time I want to keep it that way in all of your patience the ages I taste your kisses now I'm missing your face is the heaping in it face I didn't keep it that way

And I thought I called up under the colors We don't know each other But I want to be my girl When the midnight bells raised themselves, I dwells raised themselves, I dwell upon the days. walking you back It was a time I'd escaped Now I stand on my own Because I made it that way

Because I made it that way I thought I caught up Under the covers We don't know we of her I want to be my

girl yeah Yeah How? And I thought I called us Under the colors We don't know each other How?

Won't you be my god? Won't you be my own? I'll never be my girl.