Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #353 with Vittorio Angelone - Have A Word w/Adam, Dan & Carl

Episode Date: November 3, 2025

Tickets for the ARENA SHOW, merch and loads more available on our website! https://haveawordpod.comTickets for Have A Word Live shows as well as Adam and Dan's tours and previews:Adam's Tickets: https://www.adamrowe.comDan's Tickets: https://dannightingale.comCarl's Stream || https://twitch.tv/senseicarl_Finn's Music & Tickets: https://finnlayk.co.ukVittorio's Tour: http://vittorioangelone.com/tourAs Adam and Dan said, don't miss out on all of our extra content, we've got one of the best value Patreons in the game. An extra 90+ minute episode every week plus loads of bonus content such as the now infamous Lockdown Lock-ins, the Nashville & Amsterdam specials and our Ghost Hunts! What are you waiting for? Sign up now at https://patreon.com/haveawordpod​Get subscribed to Have A Word Highlights: https://youtube.com/haveawordhighlightsThanks to this week's sponsors:Manscaped | https://manscaped.com20% off with promo code: WORD20NordVPN | https://nordvpn.com/haveawordEXCLUSIVE NordVPN Deal ➼ https://nordvpn.com/haveaword Try it risk-free now with a 30-day money-back guaranteeADAM ROWE and DAN NIGHTINGALE are two award winning comedians from Liverpool & Preston, respectively. They are two of the UK's most highly regarded stand-ups and have both performed all over the world. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What's happening, Lids? Big, big, big, big news. I am going back on tour. Autumn of 2026, that's next year. My fashionism world tour kicks off and the first batch of dates are on general sale right now. Go to adam row.com.com. UK or livenation.com.

UK and buy tickets to my fashionism world tour. If there's no city there that you're looking for right now, we are adding new dates all the time. This tour is going to go on for quite a while. But the cities that are already on sale, it is very likely those will be the only shows in those cities. So if you want tickets in Liverpool, Manchester, Glasgow, Newcastle, York, Sheffield, Cork in Ireland,

Dublin in Ireland. And there's quite a few more there, London. Of course, Manchester as well, Birmingham, Nottingham. They are all on sale now. You can go and see the full listings at Adamrow.com. and like I said, we will be adding more shows before the year is out. Come and see me on the biggest tour I've ever done,

which I think this new show is by a mile the best one I've written in the past few years and the last few didn't go down too badly. So hopefully this will be your favourite and I'll see us out on the road. Autumn 2026, Adamrow.com.com. Fashionism, the world tour. Wagwag leads, you're listening to the funniest podcast in the game

From the heart of Liverpool With Adam, Dan, Sensei Carl and Finn This is the one and only Have a word This episode is brought to you by NordVPN The very best in protecting your online activity Go, Ed, get on me It's time for have a word with Adam and Dan

This is a best over the top of a T-Shay We're training, we're going to, we're going, Jijim I'm going, I'm just a, you know, a dad trying to get in shape with his two pudgy little sons are you taking these two no i was just being me he's like a knee soon the gym we're going to the gym we're going the pump house mate iron house no we're going the pump house that's the pub yeah they do a lovely fish and chips but you is this a vest yeah over the top of a t-shirt yeah that's a bit mad l ll cool jay no that's what i thought i thought do you know what dan you haven't done it for a while

why don't you have an ll cool j wednesday you're allowed to try new things then it's fine I think, listen, it does look like you've got a token white guy in a basketball movie? Yes. Do I mean? Yeah, you would be Arleson. White men can hump. It looks a bit like that's the same T-shirt,

but you've stray painted your arms this morning. It's a weird pipe, brother. Everything goes at the gym, though. As long as you're not the homeless dude that turns up with plastic bags on his hands, I reckon. Is that a thing in your gym? What gym do you go to?

We have one guy. We have one guy at the gym who, honestly, I don't know if he's gotten through a fire exit or if he's just gone, consistently. I came off the streets and started doing weights and this is what I've always worn. He looks like he smells. I haven't sniffed him.

He looks fucking bedraggled, leather shoes, some dodgy jogging bottoms, is it a T-shirt? I don't know. And wears like straps that I'm not sure what they're made of. It looks like Morrison's bags.

Crazy, brer. And then I think you can try a bit too hard at the gym. So I'm trying to get that right as well. Can I just ask though, what's this vest doing? I just decided to. I like it. It's a fashion vest. It's not a practical vest.

Lord, I wears me fashion vest. Because I've started wearing a lot of wife pieces. Like, I haven't got one on today, but I have been wearing them. They're a good layered in piece. Not a good thing to call them, though. Why? That is like the, it's like, it's like, yeah, it's like the slang in it. Yeah, but it's not great.

Yeah, but it's like, The etymology of the slang isn't great. Oh, does it come from beating your wife up? Yeah. Oh, I didn't know that. I didn't know. It's like the hole in your penis. You know, because we said it for so long.

That's not the wife beat her. Same thing, isn't it, though? Should be. You know, when you go, oh, but that's my thingy's eye, you're like, that's, it's not all right, is it? But in my head, in my head, that's what it is. Yeah, I'm just wondering why the vest isn't under. of the t-shirt is...

This isn't a wife-beater. No, I know, I know it's not. No, it's a fashion. What's the material? It's like a nylon? It's, like a t-shirt. What is going on, guys? It's not that wild.

You could see that on... Audio listeners. I look a bit of a bell-in, but it's not one of my worst outfit. And also, you know, easy sometimes, so... What you mean? Nothing.

Fucking Ralph Lauren cable knit season, that's what it is. You know, do you look at the memo? The trend in Christmas this year is Ralph Lauren Christmas. Have you not heard about it? Yeah. I was going to go to the gym

in Ralph Lauren knitwear. but decided not to. It's the season. Yes, I'm sweaty. But my mate is a fashion Easter. He knows. That's one where I refuse to say the real brand name. That is Ralph Lauren,

and it will never be anything else to me. Why, though? I don't know. That's just what I always said it. He is in my head. He's in the Midwest of my head. He's French? Just where it's dead.

I know. I've seen him in friends, but he is Ralph Lauren. It's cooler. Ralph Lauren is not as cool as Ralph Lauren. I don't know. You know, I think Ralph Lauren's better. Why? By the way, whenever I wear anything, Ralph Lauren on this podcast,

the amount of message I go, why, why are you not torn his stuff? Why aren't you that fucking little posh of torny stuff, you're being fucking cunt? It's good, because you're going to play polo afterwards, isn't it? That's what gets them riled up. You fucking change, lad. Just love a little cable and a quarter zip, you know what I mean?

Just very easy to style. He's always said it. What's in at the minute? I'm out of touch with fashion. What's in, Adam? 19. 97 Rebot, Carlsberg, Liverpool fucking training tops.

Do you actually want to know? Because I do follow a lot of fashion influencers. And now it's time for Adam's fashion update. The season's changed. What will be wearing? Over to Adam.

So there's a lot of people who believe we're entering a post-sneeker world. Oh. There's a lot of people can suck my fucking nuts. People's not creeping about. Shoes and owls.

Why have you had shoes on? No, they, think, like, are they post comfort? No, like loafers and stuff are in. Oh,

a black loafer, a brown loafer. Did they ever go out though? What? Did they ever go out? The more in now than they were. They were in,

out. Lovenly in all about. The loafers did go out for a couple of years. No, no, no. But in the concert and of wearing them. Do you not remember the great,

yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you not remember the great loafer crash of 2011? It was horrific. It was tied in with the air. I had put a lot of my investments into loafers. That was the mistake I'm going.

You do agree with this, though. I love a loafer. No, but I mean, the sneaker game has dropped off a heel. Oh, it's dead, yeah. Fully fucking dead. New balance. Oh, hey, hyperbole corner. It's dead, is it?

Just, can we go to Nike and just post their profits for the last year? No, I bet you it's down. And I bet you also, if you look at the... Is it dead, Carl? Is it dead, or is it six billion worldwide? What do you think he's saying when he says sneakers? Because it's the hype stuff, isn't it? What he means?

Not shoes in general. Oh, the... 5.7 billion. Oh, just 5.5.000... A 12% increase from the previous year. I'm dead! That's it! That's because retro's in and they're selling a lot of retro trackies.

That's not trainers based. Dan, Kersh Kicks has closed. It's those in Liverpool. It's a visual representation of... It's a bit like watching you guys obsess about watches. I can sort of see why it will be a thing. It's not mine.

When I've been in Kersh Kicks and some of the... You know, you're in one of them shops because they've cellophane all the trainers. That's as soon as you know exactly where you're at. You know, these are going to be 300 and if you go down to the bottom

in a glass cabinet, there'll be a 17 grand like Jordan or something. I've never understood it. But I'm not sad that that's part of the industry that's suffering because it is fucking ridiculous. Not if you are a hip-hop artist who is making $20 million a year flex. but when you're you've not got your financial shit together

and then you're like yeah I've just put I've just put some 1,200 pound shoes you're like cool how's your you know financial set up apart from that be a bad question back there like my shoes how's your financial stress? Yeah but I'm 44 in it but yeah sneakers are having a low moment

and the very minimalist trainers now you know New Balance 550s Adidas gazelles are either superstars, they're sort of like, you know, they're keeping the industry afloat. Yeah. New balance I've just come in and gone, we'll take it everybody in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they have, we've all

got new balance on to the... Yeah, yeah, I've got new balance on. Well, I mean, I've actually... God damn it, they're comfortable. Tapering is out. So, tapered... Fuck, sake. It's out! Flares are in. Do you know what's in?

Oh, no, listen, fliers are in. Oh, just because tapers out doesn't mean flares are in. He's just said it. No, sorry, flares are in. Flares are in, cropped and boxies in. Straight, straight jeans. I did last week buy a pair of barrel-wasted, barrel hem. Like, obelics.

Hello, love, where do you battle-waste? Oh, you want to go to our thick in the middle section. I'm having fun Tell me about the barrel waste I bought some barrel-hipped Pleated crease jeans They're lovely I'll show you them in the break

You and put a picture of them here I did try them on this morning I've had them tailored so that they fit me They do make me look a bit umpalumpur It's nothing in the name Because they're all in I just don't know whether I'm there In my fashion journey

I'm a fashion needs on the shelf for a while. How about you? Lumpa, Lumpur layering season. Go on. Vintage is in. Vintage is very in. I mean, yeah. Has that always been in?

Yeah, but like more than ever. Is it because now we're now older? Is it specific, the era of vintage. I've noticed in a lot of early 20s. I've seen early 2000s a lot of recently. Whoa. Wow.

Wow. I'm late. Like Brittany. I'm into vintage as well, but I'm into like early 20s. You know? 19 to a day. No, no, the 2020s. In 2020. No, I'm modern vintage.

Post-COVID. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stuff that's just not sold for a few years. That's my vintage. It's fucking great. If I could just get the value out of them 2011 loafers, but apparently they're, you know, shooting up. If you go into size, there's a lot of 90s inspired,

like baggy pants and, like, hip-hop kind of theme stuff. Yeah, man. I went too early with that. I think we all know. Yeah. I've got two pairs that I can't wear. Cardigans are in Cardigans are

With who like dinner ladies Chibbon Cardigans went out for a bit Oh but a few years ago You wouldn't have worn a cardigan But now Now I've got five cardigans They call you cardigan Nice

Big Cardi Cardi B Cropped jackets are in I crop jackets I bought a cropped jump with it A day because I was forced too Because I needed sort it was the last shop.

I, what, what? Oh, I like a cropped t-shirt, though. It's a nice fit. How cropped? The Abercrombie ones. Up to it. No, it was Abercrombie. Abacrobby thinks everyone's fucking two-foot tall.

Oh, no, I like it. It's a nice... Abercrombie is, like, where's the crop? Known for being for tall people. Is it? Yeah. Known. It's the tall shop.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is. It's for tall, handsome, beautiful people, literally. Sorry for going in. I think what you've done there is you've done there is you've, seen a cropped t-shirts and gone oh it's a jumper yeah a crop jumper and you've gone oh that's for a small person no it's for a tall person to just only just cover their nipples again listen to adam what a sports bra yeah no you're looking at a sports browser you're looking at a crop jumper

the idea is that you would wear a t-shirt under it did yeah and then the crop fits nicely I just think it looks silly it crops at your waist where your waist is not below your stomach your waist is your belly button right where we were we're at with the bala carvers. Any news on? Durags, are they in? Hey, oh, do you. We've got a doo-reg out there.

I wear a do-rag right now. I'll go get you a fucking do-rag. Get the do-rag. Don't get the do-rag. It looks like he's already got a do-rag on? Do-reg. Aye? Don't get the du-rag.

Do-leg. Go get the do-rag. Right, yeah, this is so... Crop jackets, crop jumpers are in. It's great to laugh, but it's also great to learn. Yeah. Is it anything else cropped? Shorts?

Well, no, it's, it's autumn, winters. Oh, yeah, yeah. What colors then? Oh, sorry, sorry, what colors are? Um, a lot of maroon at the moment. Yeah. There's a little. Villa fans are over the moon.

No, that's cladet. Yeah. Oh, sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What an idiot. More of a deep maroon. Ah, yeah, sorry. Browns.

Browns, beigeers. Yeah. You know? Deep blues. Black never go. out. They're not allowed? Because they can't find the durogs.

I will find the doob. It's a brand new silky do-rag, black. It's a brand new silky do-rug, black. Black colour, by the way. Yeah. Yeah. Wall coats. Wool jackets.

What's out? What? What? We know what's in? Hang on. Hots of wool coat. Anything tapered. Anything slim fit.

Gone. Gone. Gone. Gone. Skinny jeans? Oh, mate, what is it? Fucking eight years ago, grow up. Two years ago for you.

Or two years ago for both of us. Skinny jeans are bad. Now, I see a fellow in skinny jeans on the way he is, then you look like a fucking knobbed. Smelly. We were late to give that up, though, weren't we? We really were, yeah. Your last special can attest to that.

Absolutely. No, my last special, I didn't have skinny jeans on. Which one did you? Before it. Right, right, right, right. I'm a Levi-5-01 man now. And I get them tailored so that they're, What?

You're gay. What else is out? What? That was the most unnecessary. I believe I 501 man sounds a bit like I'm gay. Not to anyone else, Carl. Maybe on this comedy podcast, it does. They're just standard.

I love how you keep having to do that. They scubbed your ass really well. Thank you very much. What fucking hell, are you? Gay. There you go. That's good. That was a good one.

What else is out? Glasses, they out? At, what? I'm trying to find out what's in and what time. Carl, I felt attacked by that last one. her arms in or out shake them all about depends what you're wearing

yeah it's all just about finding your style man you know experimenting getting it wrong which I will admit I've done once or twice you know yeah but now you're in your barrel era

so plain sailing those those barrel leg ones are gonna need some you know I went to size up so that they definitely fit me on the waist

and they do really bow out they're really barreled where are you from October editions I'm seeing MC Hammer Do you want to see them? Yeah, is it like them

What was that, where was Jack Finnegan when he had that picture where the legs were mental on it? Jack Finnegan could turn up wearing a trampoline And everyone would be like, suits you.

No, there are a lot more, they'd come a lot more back in. Right, okay. And then. It was with us where? Is it London? Yeah. Finn,

what are you imagining here? Are these jobpers? What? What do you call him? He's like riding pants. I can see the vision. knee-high boots swastika

it's all in but you wear them I don't know maybe where I'd be they go very out but like mine go fucking out

like let's see they just look like jeans from here no I can see I might have bought the wrong size they don't look like that on me at all what size did you bike

36 waist fucking barrel squared yeah they look like mum jeans they've got a crease iron into them as well. Making them even better than my head. Have you learnt anything, Dan,

what are you going to take away from this? What were you wearing at the arena? What's your plan with that? Because, I mean, we spent way too much, put way too much energy into it last time, but loafers for sure. Oh, well, of course. We're going to get value out.

I'd be selling them. People have been asking if we're doing merch at the arena. Don't worry about that. I'll do signed loafers. Are you holding loafers yet? Or you're not telling you at? No, mate. Listen, I know the market

and I've just heard we're about to go walking through the roof. Hold. Got me hiking derby's on today. Yeah. It just, it's rain recently on it.

Where did you hike from into your raiderover to work? What? Did you hike from your house into your raeuvre? It's a big step up. They're hiking in terms of inspiration rather than in practicality.

Ah, right. Yeah, yeah. Like they look like hiking shoes, but they're actually fashion. Yeah. I'm wearing scuba socks. I'm not going anywhere near water today, but it's inspired.

Scoober inspired. Does anybody sell you them? Like, did they give you a spiel? No, I just, you know, I'm trying to keep on top of the trends, trying to keep up with the Joneses. And the Falorakis. Not just white families, you know.

Thank you, but everyone. Falawalachis. The Greeks? Trying to work with the Greeks, you know. I've got me hiking. I just think keeping up with the Joneses. This is a very racially loaded term. Isn't he?

Can you think of white? John Jones is black? Is he though? Kenwin. Yeah. Kenwin Jones. Yeah. At all. Quincy.

Quincy. Yeah. What about Dave Jones, the former Cardiff manager? Dave Jones. Who is trying to keep up with him? John Jones. Is Tom not going to mention here? Dave Jones.

Who's Tom Jones? Who's blacked up in? Swansey manager. Who's Tom Jones? Oh, Tom Jones. Who's Dave Jones at Manich Park? I do, he's so white. He's a scotia?

I don't remember him. You do, you'll know his face. I'm going to Google. He's so not John Jones. Tom Jones is black though, in he? Oh, yeah. Tom Jones. Tom Jones is black.

Yeah, he's got Jamaican heritage, I think. I'm pretty sure. The Jamaican hair. I don't think. We all got a bit of Jamaican heritage. Oh, he has got Jamaican hair. Have we? I think so.

Oh, right. He's got a black and that? Flex. Yeah, my, my, my, great. Granddad was maybe black. Maybe black? We don't, he was, it was a GI, came over in the war.

Joe? Guy Joe. But apparently he was black. But my, because my granddad looked like Mosella. Like the spit of Moselle. Or Mosella looked like my granddad. Yeah, he was first.

Yeah. So I might have a bit in it. But Mosell in it isn't black. You meant he was mixed race and looked? Yeah, but we're not sure. I don't think he knew if he was mixed race or not. And he didn't know where his dad? No.

where did he come from where did he go when a man and a woman don't love each other very much but when they have sex then a baby comes out I mean where is the heritage of the you say you guys

America or Canada one of them yeah apparently he was your granddad never mess his dad no then he meets his mum yeah and he didn't ask his mum A was my dad blah I think that there's a lot of

I never asked my mum either didn't come up Hey, Mom, yeah. How to ruin a Christmas. What's that, blah? So he came over in the war, and he apparently had like extra, like he basically gave you great-grandma

some extra lucky strikes. Loads of, loads of GIs came over and shagged about. What does G.I. be? Great, something, I don't know. Great inseminator. Yeah, exactly. Is it an army role? Yeah, like G.I. Joe, literally.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. What was his name? my granddad's name the GI fella I don't know I haven't got a clue my granddad's name was Tony

could we not do an ancestry on you safe that'd be I'd love that I'd love that as well I think we said this four years ago between all of us and then we just went yeah we'll do it in the break

I genuinely love to do it well we'll do it in the break today yeah because I tried to do it but I needed like my dad's side and I only did my mum's side my mum's all just like

Yorkshire whereas like this is way more exult like I could say like one 16th of the word then couldn't I No. Do I mean, it opens up so many doors.

Closes a couple as well. But it opens up like... What doors is a close? In 1960s America. Right. I'd love to know. Certain pubs back as obviously. I'd love to know what?

On your, on your mum's side, or do you want... Well, no, because obviously my mum's dad, his say name Regler, is Austrian. He was English. Could have been a Nazi. Could have been... He wasn't. He lived in Landud, no. Yeah, but there was a lot.

of Landau-Nandos, fact. But obviously, Hitler went to Argentina, your granddad, went to Landlundah. Isn't there? She rang. And the car dropped over the moon. So obviously, on my mum's side

somewhere, there's Austrian, and then obviously, you know, on my dad's side, there's Spain, so it'd be nice to see. It is a very Germanic name, isn't it? Riegler.

I wonder if it said Riegel over there or if it's Riegel. Yeah, it is. So why don't you use that then? It'd be bad because that's not my name. All right, ting tings. If my mum's caused herself

Regan, I go, I reckon I'm right. Nah, you're not saying that, right, love. It's like when people say Sereka's not saying her name, right? It's just her name.

Like, because she can't say it the Irish way because she hasn't got, it's sound insane. What's the Irish way? Serica. Yeah, that's with an accent though, in it?

No, it's circard, isn't it? But she couldn't call herself. How do you smell soursia? It varies. You can spend like, like, fucking like, 14 S's and everything. Well, today's guest, like, you used to have a bit

about that on stage, about his name, actual name is Vittorio Angilonia. Yeah, but he can't say it like that because he sounds like a cunt. I'd love to do that. I don't know. I don't know. With Ancestry.com,

is that the one where they just give you percentage of, like, your DNA, yeah, okay. Oh, no, they could find you, Nan. She's, I've not lost it. We buried her. All right, great results. She's in the ground. Also, but a Jamaican.

We all are, though, aren't we? Here's a question for you. I love. would you if for the audio listeners it's always fun when Adam has to look at the ceiling

because of the amount of bullshit that's running through his brain he has to turn off some of his senses to go right I'm going to concentrate here would you go on if

you've been lied to your whole life and your mum and dad and not your mum and dad and you've been adopted would you want to know at this stage would you want to go and find them That's a...

Ooh. Yeah, I would want to know. So, we do ancestry and it goes, you're not your mum and dad. Your mum and dad are fucking alive and well. They've called Mo Mo Mo and Pigsie. They live in Kent. It's a good ancestry this.

Mo Mo Mo Mo Mo Mo and Pigsty. Who the fuck are Momo and Pigsie? And they live in Kent. They live in the home counties. A bit of money. Mo Mo Mo and Pigsie are not skin. Is that the actual names? Was that like nicknames?

Why are you asking me? He just made them up. Finn just looked at me and went, is that their actual names? I was like, I don't know. He just made it up looking at the ceiling. Finn, first question, Dan. Tell us about Momo.

And then Pigsie. Yeah, I want to meet Momo and Pigsie. Momo's the fellow, by the way. I have no idea. No idea. Probably who playing Mamos is so called. Okay. Who's Pigsie after?

You know, that's Momo. You're mum. My dad's Momo Sosoko. Big, a lot of questions. Who adopted me? You know, so what holds, I never think? How white is Pigsie? Oh, it's Momo Sosovo.

Poy. Shagging. Yeah, Pigsie must be like, fucking... Pigsie's a pedophile. Pigsie is a pedo. Which, it's too funny. How would you feel about... Momo Sosoko being my dad?

No. Confused. I have some questions of Ancestry.com. No, because you're a mum and dad. I've said your mum and dad, what would you? Yeah, I mean, yeah, I've, if we went on and went, these aren't your parents, then I would definitely want to, to meet, you know, Mo Mo and Pigsie or whatever they're called.

Yeah, 100%. I'd be exciting. Also, you know, my mum's in the ground and my dad's in Talton, exclusively. So I don't see him. So, yeah. Just have another roll of the dice. How far would you travel to meet them?

Like if they're like, we've got your parents, they're from, you know, Warwickshire, but they live in Buenos Aires. They were Nazis? Do they ever come back to Warwickshire? No. They're not allowed. Okay, good.

They're on the run. We know where they are. Interpol not. Not exchanging information with Ancestry.com. They're on the run. They're murderers. Do you want to meet them? We'll send them a DM.

Weirdly, they're all over the DMs. When have you found out they were criminals, like Adam's saying, but they were in jail. Would you go and see them in jail? They're both in jail. Yeah, it's like Bonnie and Clyde. But it's Moormone Pigsy. Yeah, where's the prison?

I've always wanted to see Argentina. Kent. Kent. And Pigsy's trans now, so that they could share the cell. Oh, that felt unnecessary. But I mean, I'm all for it. Hey, dads. Has Pigsie changed their name? No.

It's pretty unisex. Pigsies are you going to need something more masculine or less pig. Yeah, mate. Get me to Kent Warwick's role Buenos Aires and I'll meet my two new dads. I don't do her through the fear of maybe Father Nott's certainly didn't want to. Because there must be very easy. Oh, there's people, isn't there, where they find out that like after their mum died or something, like on the deathbed, they go, you were adopted, and then they're like, what the fuck?

Yeah, we've had a family member who had kept a secret about that for a whole life and had had a child young, like 18, put up for adoption. And then 50 years later, they found her and went... Like Davina McCall? I'm your daughter, and it's taken me to this point to want to track you down, and I found you, and I really want to meet you.

just to give me some sort of answers to some questions I've got and to just find out about more about who I am like in terms of ancestry and I just want some answers, some closure.

And my relative went, no. Whoa. No, I get that. I can't do it. They must have been late 60s then. Yeah, so at this point, yeah, late 60s, 70 or maybe a little bit older.

If you have a kid, young, for whatever reason, and then you have to give up, there's no judgment there whatsoever. I think 50 years later, you owe that person, not even the baby, you owe that person

just two hours of your time or whatever, just a conversation. They went, I can't handle it. Was it because it was too difficult for them or was it like if the TV license man came out? No, it was because they were playing five aside. It was like, no, it's a, well, on a Tuesday, I'm down the fucking pitch.

No, it's because... Down the pitch. Down the pitch. The pits? He's down the pits. She's a minor. Yeah, no, I agree with you. I think no judgment.

It's better to not be a parent and give the child to someone who will be a good one than to be a bad parent. But yeah, you owe them a chart an explanation or something. Do you know the Tupac song? I know what you're going to say.

Hit them up. No. There's a line in the two pack song, Brenda had a baby. Well, Brenda's got a baby. Do you know about it? Do you know the story? She put it in a bin, didn't you?

Yeah. Yeah. But they found, they found a baby. Like, because the baby had been adopted and brought up to all life and they were just like, hey, just so you know, lad. You know the way you're adopted, yeah. And he was like, yeah, good job. I did know. Your Brenda.

Your Brenda's baby from him. And they were like, are you a two-pack fan? He's like, I fucking love a bit of Pac-Man. And they were like, Pac-Man. I'm always on the video game. Yeah, you're brand-a's baby. That's mad. And they had, like, newspaper clippings going, fucking, yeah.

They've also worked out... Yeah, yeah. Do you know, the Ice Cube song Today was a good day? They've worked out what day it was. Yeah, I've seen speculation on this, yeah. 9-11. It's weird that he never mentioned the...

It's weird that in that song, he never mentioned the attack on the Two Towers. But he was having too much of a good day rolling around L.A. It was half seven in the morning. I haven't happened. He was like, well, I'm not writing this song. Today was a good day. And now...

I mean, the Lakers won. That was the big news. what a fucking tune. What time of the kickoff? What? It's not set at 7.30 in the morning. It was a 9-11 joke. Oh, right, okay.

But he just went, what time they kick off? Yeah, because if... Is it the end of the day? Today was a good day's usually in the past. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was having a... You wake up?

What? Today was great, well? Was it? Today was good. I started very early. I'm going back to bed. That's ice cube boys. I think we should do this answer. I think maybe that could be a...

patron special, you know. I thought it could be a fucking deep one, like... Yeah. Yeah, my one's going to be West. The Ice Cube special. Oh, I... Same as mine, man. Man's going to be fucking...

I know of, like, six nationalities that I'll have in mine. But I don't know anything. What of the six? Evan. Welsh, English, Irish, obviously, like them ones. And then Iraq, Turkey,

Mongolia. Wasn't that Lester's back four when they won the Premier League? Outer or inner? Huh? Outer or in her? Belly bone? Mongolia?

I don't know. That's my Nams side. I hope. I hope I'm in her. Can't stand those out of cuns. What's the last one? I can't remember. I think, was that six or seven?

Isn't everyone a little bit Mongolian? Because of Genghis Khan? I mean, you have been recently. Yeah, Genghis Khan. I just fucked everyone's last. I think this is only like two generations. My nan who you met, her family were all Mongolian. Yeah, yeah.

He got to Jamaica and just fucked everything. That's why we've all got a bit of Mongolia and Jamaica in us. Do you think that's cool? Because I do. Yeah, I've never really, like, read into it. I think that's proper interest and to have, like, loads of... I think it makes me want to stop the boat. Each of the road.

It's like, Genghis card. Fuck off. I know I've got Irish in me. And for a school project in year five, I lied and said I was South African. And I got away with it. Did you get away with it? It's the most believable African.

Yeah. Yeah, true. We all had to go away and research our own family name. I must have told you this. We had to go away and research our family name and draw a family shield based on the history we found. Was that geography? No.

Oh, I love this. And I didn't do the work. And I was just like, I'm just going to say I'm South African. Yeah, the rose of South African. And my teacher was like, yeah. And I was like, yeah, you're like, fucking class. What did you draw? What?

Picture Nelson Mandela? Pistorius his legs. I just made it all black, white and yellow. All right. Which was Jamaican. Black, white and yellow? He drew the Jamaica flag and said that I'm South African. Don't ask questions.

Did you draw the Jamaica flag? I can't remember. Only flag to not have white on it? Yeah, Jamaica. The Jamaican flag? The only flag to not have whites on it. Yeah, is the Jamaican flag. Oh, no, it's the only flag to not have red, white or blue on it.

Yeah. Loads that haven't got white on them. Yeah. Like Netherlands. China. Romania. Loads, I'm talking shit. I've always really like the red, yellow and blue flags, countries.

Andor, Andorra, Chad, Romania, Venezuela, Colombia. Okay, that was full tism. We need a break. Can we do ancestry? Yeah, I think it'd be good. It'd be good to get someone who got the vibe of us and sort of, Oh, like, who do you think you are? Yeah.

If we could. Yeah. We get Jerry Halliwell in to tell us where we're from. Yeah, mate, Jerry Halliwell. No, if we had an expert who came in and sort of, or each of us had. That would actually be class. Like a who do you think you are would be great rather than us just going on a website. Yeah, we need to find.

So it's a deep special. It's a deep special. Yeah, because otherwise the special would just be us spitting in pots. Like, we need to actually find someone. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but like Danny Dyer was related to royalty, wasn't. wasn't he? Like, that's what they came up with for him.

And there's loads of people like that. I reckon I've got a bit of envy, me. We all have, have we? There's a, then barrel jeans are the giveaway. Break! It's beginning to look a lot like... Question from S. If top scientists announced that they were 60% sure

that every snail you eat adds a guaranteed extra week to your life, but the evidence won't be conclusive for another 80 years, would you eat one every day for a 60% chance of basically immortality,

but risking a 40% chance you've been eating snails for no reason. Would you... The French, a sound. Would eating the snails be detrimental to my health if it wasn't that way? No, let's car go, in it?

Or then it's just eating the snails. Hang on, hang on, it depends on the snail. There was a fella in, Australia did the rest of the snail and died. A massive slug. His mates went, oh, a day to eat that.

Oh, yeah, and he was like, and he, I don't know how he did it, gulped it down. Yeah, but I reckon he died. It took him, it took him 10 years and a bacteria that was in the snail was so alien to the human body, it was fucking awful.

But if he'd cut the slug. That's, yeah. It's part of the dare. Always cook your food as part of a dare. No, I mean, how's snails, Is it escargo? Is that what? Escargo is like

the French way of serving snails Are they fried? I don't know Is it meant to be quite rubbery? I've never had it. A lot of butter in it. Have you had snails?

You just had rubbery. What's rubbery? You're a foodsman. It's meant to be rubbery. A French dish served with garlic and parsley butter. So there needs to be some downside to this because, yeah, I would eat it,

but it needs to be like, but you never know in 30. The downside is... By the way, if it's right, it adds a week. So every fucking week you have a snail every day, you've added seven weeks to your life. You're not only immortal. You're going to go past immortal.

You're going to be born again. I'm going to be two years. I'm going to change it. I'm going to change it. If top scientists announced that they were 6% sure that every uncooked snail you eat. So you can't pan-fry it with fucking... You can't put it up, though, into a little bit?

Parsley butter. Where you find... Do you see seven snails? I'm gone, do I have to source the snail farm, don't you? He's a scientist who providing the snails. By the way, snail prices through the roof, just like my loafers from before. I wouldn't, yeah, give it a go.

I wouldn't. I'm quite happy with how long my life's going to be. Do you don't know how long your life's going to be? Do you reckon you maybe start... I know how long my natural life is going to be? Pretty much. You don't? Because you might, I mean, touch wood.

But get AIDS or cancel or something, yeah. Cool, whatever. It is what it is. I think, like, I'm probably... The two big worries. I think, I think. I think I'm probably on for about 75. So at 70,

we're just starting inside. I think, I think you, I know you're like a booze, but you're in, you're fine. I think medical science has got you to 85 here. 75 will be young for us, some of our generation, to die of natural. You've never,

you've never smoked. Cigarettes. Let's see what I did there. He loves the pot, though, don't mean? You're not, you're not a drugsman. No, only occasionally if one on. One CBD lollipop. I mean, that's two years off the way.

You crackhead. Get me up in the sky, man. What I'm fuck of. Lyle-in-ah, lad. It was a chuppie-chops. Shut up. Chuppa-chops. Cut the cops.

I think you're five. I reckon, I reckon Adam's good for... Come on, he's a... I think we should make 80, yeah. Okay, cool. So let's say 80 or what, you said 85? So there's already another five or ten years on top of what I was expecting. I'm good with that.

He's in the black. I'm fucking. Fucking good with 85, me. Are you messing? Same. What are you sticking around? Four to 86? Getting in the way,

pissing and shit in your pants, stinking the gaff up. Well, if I'm doing that, yeah, but if I'm not, because, no, there's people who are just shitting in their pants.

Yeah, they're doing marathons. Like, and that could be, that, to be fair, that could be you if you were arced enough,

but you're not. Yeah, I'm not asked enough. Like, you've got no, you've got no serious vice. So, if you actually took care of so, you could probably get,

90, 100. Yeah, but use an audio it's almost the point. Oh, it's such a sweet thing to say. Exactly. And I'd rather be the first one to go. First one to French exit. I'd rather be the first one to go. I want you to all be sad, and I don't have to ever

be sad about you, then. Daddam, don't be. Let me be the first to go. You can't be the first to go. No, you're the first to go, right? You're 10 years older and get a fucking... Do you want to be the one that is going through the contact on your phone going, oh, delete, another friend, delete.

Why? Why? You don't believe. He actually do that as well, you know. I'm telling you my ass anymore. Don't need that number. It's taken up me memory. Have you deleted people's numbers who've, even, like, not even your friends anymore? I've got numbers who I've never spoke to in years. If you died, I'd not only keep your number, I'd listen to your voice notes every day. Still on double speed. He's dead, but my God, he was boring. I would listen to your voice about those my head.

No, you don't want to see off all your mates. There is a really good reason. I want to go first. Like, I can't, I can't possibly, from natural causes. There's not a chance that you should be outliving me. There just isn't. No. Like, you should be going first.

With 11 years and some fucking, you know, tread, tread worn on the tires. I really should be going first. Yeah, I think you've got, I think you've caught it early, I think, maybe. Because now you're looking after yourself a lot more. Yeah, yeah, totally. Yeah, but I still think I should get, with the amount I was born after him

and with the developments of Western medicine, I think I should be getting 15 years on you. But I'm banging to Eastern medicine. I've been eating tiger pubs. So, more fool you. Would you get to 70? You can go, oh, I'm going to start nailing snails. Yeah.

No? I don't think so. I just can't be honest with people moving on. Also, what if you just got hit by like a blimp? Yeah, look, I think you just have to take that out, don't you? That could happen. No, imagine how many snails you eat. That's what I mean.

So is it worth it? No. Oh, we told you a fucking snail. I've got a snake, man. If one does it. I'd have to break my vegetarianism. Is that vegetarian? You can eat snails.

It's an animal. It's not an animal. It is an animal. Like, insect-y thing. You can eat insects as a veggie, would you eat a ladybird? What? No, what?

Would you care loads? What for, though? No, I'm saying, like, the crotch, the elix of life in it? Is there a level of animal? Like, that's not, like, an ant. I don't, I don't get why. No, okay, all right,

it's discovered that they're dead good for you, dead tasty, and you try one accidentally go, fuck me, answer so nice. Is it a moral issue? for you because it's a living creature. Yeah, probably, still. I don't know why. Jesus.

That's fine. Stick to your models. There's loads of ants, though. There's loads of people. I don't eat people. No, but there's more ants than people. Is that? If anything, it's a population control thing.

Did you see a question that like went around the internet recently? It went viral. That's the term. Do you reckon on the planet there are more insects or fish? And bear in mind, you know, well... I mean, it's got to be insects, hasn't it? 70% of the planet is water. I think it's...

Yeah, but there's like a billion ants per fella. Because there's insects in this room right now. I know obviously there's oceans out there around this room right now, but... There is. If you lift a one of them up, there'd be a creepy crawley somewhere in this room. I'd be really disappointed if there was. There's a spider in the kitchen.

What am I going to do? Dan, there's definitely an idea. At some level, an insect. It is insects by quite a large margin. There's also more trees on the earth than stars in the sky by a huge margin. No, grains of sand. No.

Trees? I don't put grains of sand in. There's more trees on the planet than stars in the sky. How can... If the... Google it if you want. If the universe is infinite, how can...

It stars in... Sorry, our galaxy. Right, there you go. More trees on the planet and stars in the galaxy. Yeah, in the galaxy. By a distance as well. There's trillions of trees on the planet. Three trillion.

If I am going to die of natural causes, fair-de-do-do's, right? If I get bad terminal. Two at Manchester. I'm out. I think I'm not, having seen up close the very, very slow... Do you want us to kill you?

I'd love you to do one, do me that last final favour. I think you'd like to do that, wouldn't you? What killed that? You'd like to know what the sweet release of Maytha feels like. Sweet release of murder. I wouldn't want to murder, Dan. Why, if I'm asking?

Carl, do some more than anybody? Wait, how are you getting murder? Is it like an injection or what? By the way, I don't think it's murder. If I'm going, go on, man, please. I might cripple by bad aids or whatever, you know. Would you do that? Like, if you've got a letter in the mail,

it's like, oh, there's a new system going on. And basically, if people want to be euthanized, we just randomly select people and they can come and shoot the gun. Murder jury. Utilize. Isn't that a thing in America? where there's like three people that have a thing.

That's a firing squad. No, no, no, no. Like the injection, three people have it and they don't know who did it. Yes, same as a firing squad. So they get Sherlock in. When they kill somebody, when they inject them,

it's more than one person. And it used to be more than one button to the thing because they don't want to definitively know they'd kill them. By the way, most of my knowledge about the executions in America comes from the film Green Mile. Green Mile. Walking a mile.

Is that what you know? That's the famous quote from the Green Mile. I went to an execution in America. What? Yeah, I'm pretty sure I've told you this. You told me about it? Yeah, I went to an execution. And what they do is they...

Hang on, how'd you get tickets for that? They're like gold dust. He was a journalist? Yeah, I went to a journalist. I reported outside the... From Gaylord College. Yeah. Yeah.

Important credential there. And yeah, I went to the... Question from Gaylord. Also, before we start that, Gaylord, is that a guy? Yeah. Is that his nickname or his name? No, that was his last name.

He paid it off. Yeah. He paid for, he paid for college and you also paid for, like, the stadium is called the Gaylord Stadium. That's where the American Football team play. Bonfire night, fella. Guy Fawkes, his full name's Gaylord,

do you know? It's Gaylord Fox. Men. Guy is sure for Gaylord. Come on. Gaylord Foxfellers. Foxfellas? That's a parlor.

Gaylord Fox to government. Well, because gay just meant Appie, isn't it? So it's like, Appy God. Please, can I get a... Can I get a witness? It's a good shot.

Yeah? And how's that degree in karate at the University of Oxford? You fucking liars. Was that not real? No. You can do karate in Oxford. Yeah, you can do anything.

You can fuck the guy you're rooming with. Yeah, it's a green, bumshacks. Foundation. Foundation. Yeah, what would the foundation you be doing? Later in the accent we've said. The execution. Yeah, so with the...

How many people are there? So, so you would turn up, we turn up loads as, loads of press. This was like a controversial one as well because it was for Julius Jones who, the execution... Another Jones. Yeah?

Was he? Yeah, the whole thing being controversial was because he was black and it was like, unsure if he did do it. Unsure, and executing him. So it got cancelled about 30 minutes before he was, so he was ready to die and about 30 minutes an hour before he was going to be injected,

the governor went, ah, let's pause it. The amount of times they sit in the chair or sit on the awning and don't get killed his. That's immense. That feels like really bad administration on the part of... Oklahoma love the death penalty, but they're bad at it.

They don't kill the people. There's a phone next to the bed. and it's in like half an hour if that phone goes it's off and as soon as that phone doesn't go past it's midnight isn't it

it's always midnight they're like we can kill him now but I mean this was this was a huge this was like a national story at the time like Kim Kardashian

was getting involved in that and but if you turn up as press she was when she wanted to be a lawyer like a dad yeah she was she was doing it

and it was a big big story and if you turn up as the press you've got to write your name down and if you want to be in the room because one member of the press has to go watch it happen and it's like a raffle

and someone won it It's like killed Tony Yeah and then you've got to go and watch it There's a glass screen and the curtains Because there's an audience as well Because it's like a second prize A speedboat

Do you know what I'm going to wait off for the speedboat It really is first the worst Yeah and then if you watch it happen And then you have to come out and tell everyone he's fucking dead in there you gotta say in detail how it happened

it's like this is what he was saying you know do they get to choose how they die in Oklahoma which I think it was only you can't it's only you can't choose how you die no it's a set menu in it

yeah yeah yeah I'd like to die by tits please set it up I'm gonna probably demand to be like sat on your face to death like suffocates

it by pussy. Brother. Did you not get to pin the raffle like that with 15 tickets? Come on. Brother. I'm going to die

by asphyxiation from pussy. Brilliant. What would you want? We'll get in touch with your wife. Are you fucking mad? What would you want?

It's the fire and squad. Death by Malmow. What's it? Hanging? Speed. Fire and squad. Injection. Guantin.

They don't still do the guillotine. They did in France until like the 70s, didn't they? Oh yeah. They really didn't like give enough of a guilty. Punch me,

please. Two punch me headin. Ah, the guillotine's broken. Come here. I don't see any pussy around here. Fire on squad, they'd be rough, wouldn't it? That's the coolest one, though. The best way to go there.

Yeah. You can be shouting at them. Come on, you fucking gyms. Fight like a man. Put your guns down, you fucking weasel. Ah, ba-pap, ba-pa. Yeah, go on suits again. Come, pa-pa, yeah.

I think they're just shooting in the head, Adam. I think they're on for body shots. The journalist goes out. He was so cool. He was so fucking cool. Oh, lad, boy! We're out of bullets. Can't get me, lad?

Well, they did that with the Russian royal family, didn't they? When they killed the Saar and all this family, it was like the Saar and his wife and then all the kids. But obviously, they had like six firing squad people, but no one wanted to shoot the wife and kids. So six people just all shot the Saar in front of his wife and kids, and then they all had to like scramble and do the rest of them.

Honestly, really enjoyed that bit of history. It's bleak. Do you know about that fella who? he died in his cell but was fat like he had a heart attack or something and was pronounced dead but then they revived him

you know like when someone's been I know this you've been dead but like they get you going again and he argued that he'd saved his life sentence because his life has ended like he got his lawyer

to appeal it and the judge went no this isn't a new life and I want to be tricksy in this way I actually think with the complexity

and the the what's the word of the law like the how intricate it can be and how like sort of vague I actually think he should have been allowed out I think he died but he's had to be a new person yeah but he also sets the precedent

that people would just be jumping off head first off their bunk beds in the hope that they died for a bit and then came back alive because then they're like there's tick it out because then the law sets the precedent that they can just walk it after that yeah I think the in-house paramedic should stop resuscitating people at that point

everyone's leaving the prison I know but I've got a duty of care clear prisons are empty do you really think they should be freed oh and here's the other one I like the arguments I like the law me

I like how people find loopholes and find creative ways to like a catch people but also B to use the law to get you know you need to finish the perfect neighbour then

because this is an example of where she tries to use the law and it perhaps doesn't work for it. It's Carl's documentary corner. If you get, you're like, you've got a terminal, you know, like, your athlete's foot is terminal, stage four athlete's foot, you haven't got long, right? And you know it.

That I like, because you get to put your affairs in order, spend some time, go on a few trips, but then Carl's murking me, bang, bang, dead, right? if it's going to be the sudden one where it's a blimp I want no thinking time I want it to be bust fucking gone like I don't you don't

like if I know I'm dying I want a couple of months to sort of where do you want to be when I pop you in bed and do you want gun like if we're doing it like a punch you to slit your throats do you want gun

do you want bang Slit of the... Carl's like, I really shouldn't have agreed to this. Stop struggling. Yeah. You can't be holding your hair there. That's my do-rag. What was you want me to do?

Are you stark, me? Would you let me punch your head to death? Put your head into death? I don't know you fucking could, though. Even with stage four, athletes' foot. Carl and Dan are having a scrap. Hammer. to the cranium.

Great. Brilliant. Chainsaw to the dick. Gas. This is a brilliant little combo, isn't it? Was it gashing house? But give the kids gas masks

and lorna. Or just wait until they're out. You're going to want to see your dad suffocate in toxic gases? Gas massage? No, not you, dad. And don't cover your mouth with the durack. It's either this or

chainsaw to the dick. And I love it. want to see that. Do you want like a put a pillow over your face, silent pistol? Have you seen no country for old men?

Yeah, like cattle prod or whatever it is. It's a, it's like a, is it a bolt? Yeah. That just goes, it's an abattoirot,

bolt, high pressure. Just fucking moom me out, mate. Bolt your head off. Yeah. If Javier Bardem could be there as well, that'd be great.

I'd get on. Big film fan. Put your gas mask on, Javier London. So I'd probably try now. That was ages ago ago. I don't want to be...

You murdering me is not the last, but you know who I want on my death? Oh, I saw a reel and it said when you have a daughter, when you meet your daughter, you've met the person who's going to be holding your hand when you pass. I was like,

my God. Unless she's fall out. Oh, she's a fucking. She has been a little bitch recently. She might be that on the pit? Hey. Tie in your room and behave. Do you want to hold my hand when I'm dying?

Well, then up. In your room. Bedtime. Yeah. I think I want you looming over me. Sorry, lad. Would you rather it be, like, if someone has to do it? So you've decided you're getting shot, you're getting slits, whatever it is.

All three. Gas as well. Can we not just do loads of heroin? No, because you wouldn't die, would you barely? Pretty famously, I think you can die from a heroin overdose. Yeah. I know a girl who did.

But you said you... Yeah. Yeah, you shagged her and she died. Same night? Three days later. Is that what she died of? Oh, I thought she had mega AIDS. Adam would now have mega AIDS then, wouldn't he?

Is that true? Yeah? In Evanbury. Oh, heavy. I slept with a girl. Have I never told this story in full on the pod? You haven't told it in full now? I don't think you've told us about the heroin.

We know that. someone died a couple of days after you shagged them. So I met a girl at Edinburgh. She put 20 quid in my booker. And then after the, I'd sort of counseled on my money. You know, like, I checked me Facebook because this was 2016. Mm-hmm. And she'd messaged me being like, I'm only in Edinburgh for a couple of days.

Do you want to go for a drink? And I was like, yeah. And it went for a drink. She come. So that was my solo show. she'd been to she then joined me and came and watched I was in the AAA late show at the Pleasance as well and yeah after that they didn't see it again

and then did the rest of the run that was about halfway through the run I think and then on the last day of the fringe I did my show it was the best show of the run and I felt like really quite overwhelmed like I'd put so much into the month and I hadn't really got what I wanted out of it and stuff. And I...

I never can do that, can't it, by the end of the... Yeah. And Carl was up, but, like, I just told him I just needed like half an hour on my own. So he went and sat in the living room of the flat that I was staying in. And I just went and got on my bed. I was just scrolling on my phone.

And I did this on stage, but this is true. And this would have been so bad. So, you know, like, when people write on your Facebook wall for your birthday, right? And if you ever see... 27 people... who wrote on Dan's Facebook wall, especially, like, nine years ago.

You just assume it's a birthday? So I started typing out a happy birthday message because this girl, who I was now friends with on Facebook, who, you know, I'd met. I was just like, happy birthday, great to meet you. And then I was like, is it a birthday? And then I checked, and they were all condolences. And she died.

She, and I messaged one of her friends who'd like written like a really in-depth sort of obituary, whatever you want to call it. And I was like, what's happened? So when I met her, she'd been living in Barcelona for a couple of years. And she was going home, but she stopped at the fringe on the way because she'd always wanted to go to the Edinburgh Festival. And she'd gone back home. The reason she left to live in Barcelona for a bit was that she was, you know,

in with a crowd of drug addicts. And she was one herself. and she wants to get away from her and she'd gone back and met up with her old mates and they'd been like, do you want to do some heroin? And she'd took her old dose

that she used to take and he killed her. Jeez. Rofsky that, isn't it? Michaela. Yeah, I know I've talked about drugs and whatnot and I know all drugs have the risk of like you overdosing and whatnot.

And I think if someone's never been involved, in the in like the scene there really is stages to it isn't there like and obviously part of addiction and part of use drug use is rationalising no it's fine because of this and it's fine because of that there was a few parties where I teeted into a darker like level like the lad at the party was coughed and was like I was like oh nasty cough and he went out and I've just smoked some really strong crack and I was like I'm going on I was in a taxi about 10 minutes say because I was like 10 minutes

I stick it out for 10 minutes I don't want to see me loose well we weren't at a taxi rank at the time wild this is pre-Uber isn't it this is pre-Uber isn't it

I've never like lads from the bit of Preston that I grew up in which is quite kind of nice area one of my mates from school his brother overdosed but like not far out of school like 19 and they got into heroin

you're just in a such a dangerous, slippery slope into. Yeah, it's really sad. I don't really feel like there's a lighthearted follow to that. I suppose. The Toreo Angeloonian then, see if he's ever shagged anyone to death.

Just lovely to meet you. Sorry about how powerful my dick was. I have a lovely afterlife. I'll have a break. Great Wise Hope Yes I love that that's caught on What do you mean?

That's what I called him. Victoria Angelone! Am I the Great White Hope? Isn't that what like Alistair Williams' Edinburgh show is called? That was called Great White Male. Right, there we go. And I think that was,

his was a play on Great Wide Shark. Right, whereas mine's Great White Pope. No, Great White Hope was a taming boxing when all the black guys were doing really well at boxing. Yeah. like racist white people are like we need someone who's going to beat the fuck out of these and then it was it

Joe Calzagi? Yeah. Was it? I don't know. Rocky Marciardo? It was either Joe Calzagi or Rocky Balboa and one of them's not real. So that's who you are to us. You're either Joe Calzagi or a character. But both of them Italian on some level.

There were both our battalion. We're in. We did it. But Finn, who was the Great White Hope? Is it Tommy Gunn? It was a, it was a, a term for the guy that they wanted to beat

a guy called Jack Johnson but I don't think anyone actually beat him Oh so maybe it's you Not the singer Jack Johnson Yeah,

maybe I could fight Jack Johnson How are you doing? I'm very well I think I've broken my collarbone But apart from that I'm good Have you done that? I've been

I've gone back to playing rugby Which is so fun But so stupid Surely you would know If you'd broken your collar It's there Yeah But like

It might just be like Cracked or something But I think He's got pain In his collarbone Yeah He knows he's got pain in it. He's not, wondering whether he's in pain.

He's not lost it. Yeah, your collarbone's right there. Yeah, I don't think I've lost my collarbone. What do you things happening? I thought when you brought your collar ball, that was a biggie. Well, I've done this one before, so I'm worried it could be just like a little bit cracked or something. Something's wrong in this show. It is a new little wrinkle of your online content, isn't it?

Mainly stand up and a clips of you and Mike, all superb. And then occasionally, you playing rugby with a very diverse team. And then nutmeg him. Berbertoff. It's, I'm sort of a sporting grit, I would say. I'm going for sports personality of the year. It's like me with fashion.

Yeah. Are you doing fashion? Are you doing get ready with me's? I'm going to start, yeah. Oh, no. I mean, truly inevitable. Truly, is anyone really surprised? Come with me to a cute little living room.

You're going to start with your top off leading over. Well, I'm going to start in just my wife, Peter. No undies. That will get numbers. We'll get numbers, right? And we're selling a talk old-fashionedism. It's all intertwine, man. You've got to, like, take the piss out of yourself, you know?

With your dick out on Instagram. Come on, guys. That's where we're headed. Yeah, we're going to start doing out for the days, get ready with me's, you know? Unboggings of clothes. Oh, yeah? Of his dick. Oh, it's my dick again.

What a fucking advent calendar. Christmas. Suck it. Deck again. Fuck. Suck it. You've got to get sucked off on Christmas Eve.

Yeah, well, you're sex, but not don't have a Christmas Farts. Why not start on Christmas Eve? Why do you have to get sucked off on Christmas Eve?

I don't think I've ever been sucked off on Christmas Eve. I can't feel you. He has like, he has sex more times on Christmas Day than the previous month combined. No, no,

don't. You completely fucking made up. He having sex before nine in the morning. I have a morning fuck on Christmas Day. That's so bad. It is, isn't he? Jesus's birthday.

Yeah. You should never make anyone squirt on Christmas morning. I think that's a great mantra to live by. You just don't need it. It's just you want to save up sex for when like you need pleasure when there's not other pleasures available. Oh, yes. It's already the most, it's already the most wonderful time of the year.

All these presents are fine, but I'm not getting sucked off. My whole family's here and they're all smiling. My whole family aren't there? Most of them are dead or a strange. I don't know why I made that's so sad I'm alone dead on a strange

I tell you what when I'm lonely I want to make someone squirt that's the only thing I've got left but change this sheet he changes his bed on Christmas day because he's pissed in it

or she's pissed in it someone's pissed in it that's admin you're just adding admin the Christmas day you don't want to be like that's stuff to do you're making the bed I don't think I'm ever

like I just think like sex or like ejaculation is just like a nice little cherry on the top of anything. Like, if I've just opened all my presents and I enjoy them. Oh, and do you want to be full of enough joy?

I was the champion. I was the Champions League win. It was fucking great, but I didn't come immediately afterwards. So was it that good? Just Adam and his, and both. Is that what happens? Are you presents, love?

Do you want sucking off? Yes. What a childhood. Are you telling me, you opened your presents on Christmas morning, your bear goes to get aged, Do you want me just fucking gobble you up right now? I'd be like, what?

Are you all right? Can we open yours first? She's a giver. In fact, we open mine first, usually. If we have to go one for one or it depends. All the bests are opened. All of them are opened. And then she goes,

oh, do you want me to gnaturally? I'd be like, what's going on here, me? What's... I would be like, are you a spy? Yeah. You don't mean? I think so. I would think I was here, I'd be like,

are you gag? Do you want me to gnaws you to nosh you off to completion? You're like, what's going on here? If she said that in June, would I be like, are you all right? Do you want me to knock you off to completion? What's that? Being sucked off is a bit much.

I don't, it's, it's, it's a bit much. It's good. I like fucking, but being sucked off, like, oh, we are on different pages. There's a lot more to think about it with being sucked off. No, there's nothing to think about. What are you doing? What's your technique?

There's a vulnerability to be in soft off. Exactly. There's a after care. And also, there's just like, how clean, like, do you know, like, yeah, I see, there's just, there's just, there's a, there's just, there's a,

self-consciousness to being sucked off where there isn't to sex. Why? How clean is my Willie? Come on. What a TV show. Isn't that wet, wet, wet, wet. How clean is my God? I normally get sucked off right after showering, so I'm sad.

We were, whoa. Normally. You shower every day, is sure. And it's been good living with Jack Finnegan, has it? Like I said? Like I got out to shower? Suck me off. Not every day, most days, you know. Hang on, bearing the lead

a little bit. Do you, when you're doing presents with Sarah, if it's just you two. Do you, she opens all of her first. It's not with me mum. Right, right, right. So when it was just me and mum in the house,

there was no sucking off. That is out of the conversation. Clear that up. We've moved on to the next one. That was when I got there. We'd go down. I'd suck him off. You'd suck him.

Here is he? He's been! I'd go down. and I'd have bags of gifts and the best gifts at the bottom usual

but then I'd take to mum open yours first they'd give me mum and then I'd open that oh no I like the tennis no no totally but with my mum he's usually got me more

but those presents away are you know you right better in a doubt when I'm with your mum this morning tennis yeah I like a tin

fucking shut come out caty Andy Rodickson fucking great Christmas you should invite Carl what I think's even weirder about your Christmas

is going to the pub on Christmas Day. I think that's fucking crazy. Even still, whatever. I think I'm going to go Christmas morning as well this year, but yeah. But I only learned that pubs were open on, any pubs were open on Christmas Day from seeing you on Instagram. And I was like, what? Class though?

No, what? You go pub, Christmas even Boxing Day. Christmas Day should be a day off for everybody except taxi drivers. Have pubs always been open on Christmas Day? Or is this like the last 10 years when Christmas is kind of getting diluted? No, so they always open Christmas morning. Into like early afternoon. What?

You can have your dinner in a pub? Yeah, you can have Christmas dinner in a pub. But also... But I don't think you should. But you can. It's probably a nice way to do it if, you know, I'm going to... I think what Vitorio's... Vittorio's on the side of the staff being forced to work.

Exactly. I think a lot of the staff get the option of, hey, none of you have to wear a Christmas day, but if you do, it's double time. And also, the pub I go to on Christmas night, I always take a large tip. And before I even order me first drink, I put that behind a bar on, like, that's for you. It's nice one for working.

And they're all... Also... They're all, they're in the pub as well. Yeah. Like, they're allowed to just get fucking on the pants, you know what I mean? There should just, there should just be like pubs that are run by people that don't celebrate Christmas. There should be like a Muslim pubs. Yeah, let's go.

And I would be fine with that. What a shame. Would you go to a Muslim pub on Christmas Day? I go to a Muslim pub on Christmas Day. Don't be crazy, yeah. But it wouldn't be Christmas Day with it. It would just be Tuesday? But they believe in Jesus.

They just don't believe he's like, sick. Yeah, they, he's like, he's. He's a liar. He's Andy Roddick. He's not Roger Federer. Vice Captain. He won't have been? Didn't he, Roddick?

No, he didn't win. No. Jesus got to a final. Roddick didn't win. Roddick didn't win. I don't think, yeah, I don't think Roddick. Got to a final than late in Q was either. They believe Jesus was a prophet, but not a god.

Not God. Like a deity, yeah. Yeah, just like a good, a good solid guy. Just a postman. It spooks me so much. Like, I've never, ever been to the pub and even shops that are open. I just think everything, maybe this is my old sort of Catholic repressionant. Like, I think everything.

I think everything should be closed all of Christmas Day. And you go to those houses. I mean, mainly you are right. But most pubs will be closed Christmas night. But I remember back when I was at college, my girlfriend at the time, the pub that was her local, that was a massive thing. Get to like five, six o'clock and go down the boozer. And it was all the, everyone that was come back from like uni friends had come back.

And actually, that is the shittest bit of Christmas Day is about six o'clock, seven o'clock. When you're having a nap? when it all just sort of tails off actually going to the pub there that's pretty sound I don't do it but I can see why people do so my Christmas day is 6 or 7 p.m you just fall asleep in front of the TV

and then you wake up at like 9 or 10 and we go around to my... No going to my cousin's house for a quiz. Oh yeah that sounds good. That sounds good in there. Oh no that so that was like a lockdown thing when I did the Christmas quiz I might bring it back because it was fun and I'm in Belfast this year. I watched that in my aunties one year it was good

yeah it was good crack and then I think you go so drunk that you ended a sort of bidding war of donating to the charity with Ishaan Akbar possibly. And you were both absolutely hammered just donating more and more and more. That'd be great time. You did it again. I think I will do it again and get some people on board.

Other cultures like Christian cultures as well on Christmas go fucking but so you know January who works for Zoe's place. She has Christmas day with I think her like immediate family and then I think I think it's like one o'clock in the morning.

She has a second roast dinner at like an overnight Greek super Christmas party. And they play games until like 7 a.m. Where's this? Can we go? Yeah. She has said we can go if you want. I like that. I like that.

So you could do Pokes straight to the Greek. The Greek Super Christian Christmas party. They have a second full roast dinner. Because I was taking it here through my Christmas day. She's like, yeah, sounds class. She was like, but, you know. She loves squirting. I have to have a...

She's like, I have to... Not a fact. I have to... I have to have my Christmas dinner, really, like, early. Because then I'm having another one at two in the morning. I mean, I do that at two in the morning, but just sort of microwave, like, another plate of the Christmas dinner

from earlier in the day. I love Christmas meat. Isn't that the thing? Obviously, I'm not a foodie, but don't you just make, like, butties for the next three days out of what's left? There's all sorts of options with sort of leftover Christmas stuff. A turkey curry. is a classic

with leftover turkey from the... I like to just eat cheese and like I baked you other dips the five dips that's my tea for five days

that I'm eating shit in that so you got sour cream and chive thousand island yeah yeah what are the other

sour cream and chive is things they all look the same yeah yeah oh mate dipping shit in that for five days

but what are you dipping left over Christmas dinner like those no you've got all the breadsticks and they can get eating

and all like pretels yeah everything just goes in that me bretles treaslets

cheeselets and heavy as well Are any of you roast beef on Christmas people because I think that's fucked I'm a gammon Yeah well you have natural Or whatever the fuck you Are you still?

Adam's changed my ways Your own gammon He likes that pink chicken He said what you call pink beef What did you call it? Pink beef I call it pink lamb I thought he looked

Which you know to most people would just be lamb Yeah just a nicely prepared lamb It was nice It's that big old bacon That's good Turkey Turkey and there's

ham and then there's like my dad does like meat stuff and like meatloaf essentially which is like pork and herbs and breadcrums and all that crack and then pigs and blankets obviously does no one have goose anymore that's the most partisan thing in the world having goose is so proud of it

does no one enjoy a Christmas goose you know boy what day is it I have a Christmas goose right after an open my presents mate have you ever had a goose no but that is one of the birds of potential Christmas yeah from fucking Henry the eighth time

He gets another mention! We might as well call this podcast, Hav a Henry the 8th. Which sounds like a drug reference, don't it? That would be a good little have a Henry. Like, you'd buy a Henry. That is literally a thing. Get an eighth of something.

I'm such a nerd. Is it? Yeah. I always thought when people said getting a Henry, I thought he meant like a Hoover full. Yeah. That's so much. If you get in a Henry and you get an eighth.

And a Louis is 60. Why? Louis is the 16th. There's been 16 Louise. There was. Thoreau. De Bernier. Armstrong.

If you get in a five and it's a Mambo. Can you get a little Mambo? She's a small. Just have a Mambo. I'll have two Mamboes and a Louie. What? This gun's fucked already.

Was he the last one? Was he the 17th? Was he the Louis 16th? End of the Louise. End of the line. I think he was in the Lou's. There is no Louis the 17th. No Louis.

William's son Louis. Where we get that right? What? Prince William is his son called Louis. No. Isn't there a Louis in the Oval family, no? Isn't it mad that there's been 16 louis, but there hasn't been one like Nick?

There must have been a King Nick in France. Oh, yeah. Oh, is Louis a French one? Alexander Louis. Oh, brother, come on. No, I'm gone. That's gone. You knew we were talking about the French kings then.

I had no idea. When we were saying Louis the 16th, you were like, well, I don't remember these. Henry the first, Henry the second, up to the eighth, and Louis apparently, come, and you knew that was French. Have you never seen Yvonne of the Yukon? What? Remember that?

What a pool. What a fucking show. I think I might have mentioned that show the last time I was. King Louis in my head is the Ordin come from the jungle book? He was the 17th. The orangutan. There is a Louis in the family now. So there could be another King Louis in England.

Nah, they're done. It'll be the, that'll be Louis the first. Yeah, yeah. That's a. Oh, does it not carry over?

So he wouldn't be the 17th, even though it's from the North country. It's not shots in Poole. Two shot, Caddy. I'm Louis the 17th. But like, But there's already been 16 Louis

So how can he be... So there's going to be two... If he becomes king, they'll have been too Louis the first. That's confusion because when you talk about Louis the first? So in the year 2025, we're going to be confusing...

No, no, it won't be 2025. It'll be 2050 minimum. King Louis the first. People are going to be confusing him with 11th century French king, Louis the first. I don't know. We were talking about.

What if you googling? Surely from context you can figure out. What happens when you Google it? Who was on a hoverboard? I need more information. I'm not sure of either of them. I was just 2050, you never know my. 2050, we're having hoverboards.

There's already things we call hoverboards that aren't. You make out like hoverboards are like going to be the thing, but like you're forgetting retro's coming back in. So when they're like, King Louie loves his vinals, looks at his cassettes. Big in the 11th century. What were they listening to then? Cassettes, you're right.

You're right. Lutes, you're right. I think it was minidiscs with 13th century. 13th century. So you're right, you're not far on. Yeah. Aha.

What music were they listening to in the 11th century? Live. No, what if they wanted to stay in? As King, they would just have like an orchestra or a string quartet or something just like playing.

And they all played, didn't they? Like that was a thing, you all learned to play piano at least. If you want to listen to the music, you'd jab out in the house, yeah. Jam, now what instrument's that in 11th century, France? The loot.

Yeah. You're saying that's what the kings would do? The people, like, what about, like, normal people? What about the people, the staff at the mech? They're just beatbox. Just bang their one-tooth head against the fucking wall because they were starving to death. You mean serfs?

Ah, do you know what? Life is a surf, it's a nightmare just under 19 hour a day. What a jam out, man. I think it's about being in Paris in 1090. You know, where's the fucking vibes? Where's these vibes? You know, my life expectancy, I die, 25, 26, but I want a vibe before there.

man. So what was the first iteration of being able to listen to record of music? Vinyl. Right, so when was that? 12th? I think it was on like a cylinder

rather than in a circle. 150 years ago? 200 years ago? Yeah. You couldn't jam out years ago, man. It's going to be one of those like, do you know when the internet first happened it was like just two guys

sort of and then it sort of exploded at a different day? I reckon the first sort of vinyl or gramophone is probably pushing 200 years ago and then it was nothing, nothing, nothing, but then mass produced vinyl. Lake Victorian.

Something like that. Something like that. So 300 years ago, they were all just singing. I thought you were going to go. So 300 years, taking all of that in. So about 300, I did drift there. Yeah, they were just singing, yeah. They'd have to just make it.

Yeah, 11th century French jazz was massive. Louis I was like, I just want some jazz. Bambah, ma'am, ma'am, ma'am, ma. One about the Black Death. 1860, the first one, but they weren't able to play it until 1860. 177. How did they know what it was?

How did they know what it was? That's the best argument for aliens I've ever heard. The first vinyl was a certain date and then 20 years later then you heard of play it? That's the most alien. I've made a record. It's going to be a big hit.

We've got an issue. Who were the musicians? Who were knocking out of the tunes back then? Mozart. Orchestras and harpsichord players? No, it was a French folk song called A Claire de Laloon. is that one

Amy Wano's covered that. Did she? Oh, Clare de Loon is like a classic Like it's a sort of Oh, A Kledalalaloon

Oh, Echle de Loon Amy Rannos? She's a slag The Clare de Loon That was the A side What was the B side? O'Lorondon's?

Oh, bad yes. Al-Orondon. The can you remit. What was the C side? Angloor for a C-Side. A triangular vinyl. shout out the beach shout out to the beach

the film I've always said that the beach that makes you old that looked so bad the M-night Shyamalan film the DiCaprio one yeah I'm thinking of the DiCaprio one

oh maybe the beach one I'm thinking of it's called old it's where these families go down to the beach and then when they touch the sand they come back and they're old

why would you do that you're fucking idiots it's like touching a hot plate though in it you just have to like no yeah fucking old what was his what was

M-night Shaliman's Shalim-Mah Shalim-Mah Shalimann what was the one with Mel Gibson and the aliens

Slavard Oh the one Stave-Rat The Water Yeah With Waxine My boy Wacking

Phoenix Signs It's class Oh yeah Shout out Shamelamel So you're playing rugby I'm back playing rugby

And I think I broke my collarbone On Saturday Is that why you put my time Yeah Well this is a thing I did the stupidest thing ever. I lost two and a half stone

and then went back to rugby and I was saying the weakest I've ever been and then fast. So now I'm trying to get absolutely talking. I've been playing fly half recently. You know a fly half? Define the role of a fly half. I reckon that on the outside running fast.

No, it's the wingers, man. Like Johnny Wilkinson, Johnny Sexton. He runs the game. He's fucking, he's Iniesta in it. I'm a thinker. Oh, so you're not to brawn you the brain. No, no, I'm, I've never been the brawn in rugby. I've got like scrum half is the other option.

They used to play rugby and he's only a, he's not a large man, is he? What position? Lime side blanket, what? That's a big boy. What's that? That's a line side flanker. Basically, when someone's not looking, clothes by them. It's pretty much here.

I never, it's confusing that you like both rugby on football. I thought you had to choose one. That's that confusing? I've never known. They're both Protestant Like as things and like Because they're not like Gaelic football or herding Do you know what I mean?

I watch your Instagram's yeah Yeah Which people get so angry Can I give you some What do you just name things And I'll say whether they're Catholic or Protestant Yeah iPhone and Samsung

iPhone and Samsung iPhone and Samsung iPhone is iPhone is Catholic Samsung is Protestant And that's because iPhones on their factories Have those nets to stop people killing themselves because in Catholicism, you know.

I love what you just went there. It's so good that you quickly got there. Like, anyone who's got an Android is just literally protesting iPhones. Yeah, they think they're bad. That is spot on as well. Mainly, I'm doing it so just to fuck you a lot off. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You are the Henry D.A. The phone's protestant. You've divorced in the iPhone. Has anyone got any more for? Have you got any of thing? What about... It doesn't have to be a pair of things. Just one thing.

Yeah, no, I saw you last video where you said... Judaism. Judaism's Protestant. Like, that's so obvious. Is it? You haven't been to Belfast recently. There's a lot of Israel flags in one side of Belfast. Oh, right, right, right, right.

I thought that was going to be more playful. Are you religious? No, I'm thinking of getting back into it, though. Really? Yeah. Like, I think it would be cool to be, like, a practicing kind of. athlete. Like no turdates on Sundays, I have to go to Mass.

Like, I think that would be like... You do have a look of like a funky young priest, by the way. You have seen Fleabag? You look like Andrew Scott in Fleabag. Oh, I could... You call me balding, yes. No, Andrew Scudson. He's my hope for like, just keeping a high hairline and just moving on with my life. You know what I mean? I think a lot of women have got a kink about priest because of Fleabag.

Yeah, because he's so... I mean, he's a gay man in real life, but he's sexy. Sexy all knowing. He's the only one that knows that she's breaking the fourth wall or when he when he catches are doing it what you doing that's so sick i could see you as like spoilers that's because he's connected to our lord and savior i honestly think it could be a cool thing if i was just back into like catholicism like big time like i go to mass every single way do you think that's a good way to get back into religion to just think that it's the cool thing to do yeah do you believe at all yeah because i think i was raised so catholic that like i can never rid myself of a feeling of god yeah you know what i mean like

As much as I rationally know, like, there isn't. I'm still like, anytime I say that, I go, yeah, but like, all right. I relate to that, you know. It's fear that, though, isn't he? Not fair, I'm not scared of him. He's a maggie.

That is fear. That's fear of going, oh, if I push him away totally, and then I get there and he is there, then I fuck there. With St. Peter. I don't, but I like the Terry Pratchett thing of when you die. It's whatever you believe is going to happen is what happens. so like if you're a Buddhist

you get reincarnated if you're an atheist Terry Pratchett isn't he the cat and the half fella I thought he was a dead small fella Not What? Who's a dead small fella? Warwick Davis

What's it? Hang on Teddy Pratchett Wasn't she in Superman? Oh no Teddy Hatchett In my head Teddy Pratchett's a little fella fellow white Is it like a fantasy author Wrote good omens

Oh my thank Teddy Pratch So his theory is Whatever you believe In that world in the disc world universe Whatever you believe happens is what happens. So if you're an atheist and you believe

it's just like nothing after you die then it's nothing after you die you believe it's going to be heaven. Oh fuck, it's time to pick a team then in it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You've picked your team yet. I haven't picked my team yet.

I'm not dying. I'm changing teams. I want to live in gangbang after life. What's that? It's whatever I want it to be. What if you're the one getting gangbangs? Isn't that heaven though?

Isn't that our version of heaven? Mel and Adams. It's like your favorite thing. Ever. I imagine. I've never done one. So what, hang on. You think it's,

no, but yours is the, there's a sort of clouds and it's nice. But then again, it is what you, it's what you're going to get because that's what you think it is. I think the floor is made of clouds.

Right. In heaven. Okay. And then there's like water slides. How are you going to play footy? What? How are you going to play footy? I don't think I'm going to play footy.

Oh, you play fudgy in heaven. Carl has to play footy in heaven. There would need to be a lot. lot of team sports in heaven. There'd be a five side pitch in your heaven. Yeah, I suppose so. I think seven aside in mine. But I don't,

in my head, I haven't got any feet. You haven't got feet in heaven? Oh, because they're below the clouds. Do you think angels don't have feet? What? Do you think angels don't have feet?

Yeah, that's why they wear like that big cloak thing because it covers it so that you don't be like, oh, she's got no feet. Yeah, but it's your heaven. Give yourself feet.

You can have feet. Yeah, but it's about what you believe in it, and I don't believe you have feet in heaven. I think you just have stumps. How'd you walk? Oh, you don't. You just flow on clouds. Incredible heaven there.

When do we just know 14, Oscar Pistorius would have fit right in? Is Oscar Pistorius in your heaven? Yeah. No, I think if you're in hell, you can't be in anyone's heaven. Imagine Oscar Pistorius was like the lollipop the odorant guy in the toilets at heaven.

Shoot to the door. You look over the shite in there, I don't know. Yeah, I don't think you can invite bad people into your heaven. I don't think you can populate it, but like, you know. bad bastards everybody there has to be heavenly so who's doing all the sucking and fucking

who are the sort of is it like nuns who have been super like you're just sussing that like like it's charler church like jala lorson i think you're assuming that it's nobody's idea to suck people off some people love that a lot of yeah you're getting sucked off by a lot of gay films that's my heaven sorry you know what I mean all like the mums all like the mummy Dan's getting gang sucked off. Oh, yeah, yeah. So far, this is who I'm getting sucked off

for him, gang bang heaven. Nigella Lawson, Charlotte Church, a load of gay man. And who? Oscar Bristorius. Oscar Bittorius. That's more of a foot job. Who's the old one of you?

He's not that they on his knees. Nice. Helen Medden. Don't mean? She's going to heaven. No, I don't think she is. She was in Calicula. She's not going to heaven.

I saw Mobland. Offensive. It's not a documentary. That Irish accent in Mobland was so bad. don't think she's going to help. Oh, she's on a lot of those lists of, like, worst attempts in Irish. Oh, Jesus, of a crime family, I tell you.

No, come on. Just kill the man. Jamaican, isn't it? I mean, so much actually. One of the complaints. She says, where the crime family. I'm going to cry family with the Hinnigans. We'll kill the bastards.

Don't know. Isn't Pierce, Piersn is as bad, but he is Irish? Pierce Bosnon, it's a little bit fiddly and silly, but Helen Mirren takes it to a whole new level. Oh, Jesus. Is that Pierce Brosnan in the one with Jackie Chan? No, in Mobland. Oh, right.

Pierce Brosnan plays Jerry Adams. There's a, there's a, Pierce Browden plays Jerry Adams. What about Jackie Chan? Because the Raa, because the Rass. He's the actor the BBC hired. The Rai killed Jackie Chan's, like somebody in Jackie Chan's family.

So then in the, so then in the film, I know, well, you know. But they're Catholic. Like the riots. Go on. It's Jackie Chan versus the Ryan in the film. What film is this?

It's good. Google Jackie Chan versus the Ra. No way you've made that off. It is. The foreigner. There we go. That's what it's going. It's Jackie Chan versus the I-R-A.

My mate Niles in it. He gets beaten up by Jackie Chan. What's his issue? They killed his... They killed his daughter. It's like taken, but Jackie Chan versus the round. Like, no spoilers. Jackie Chan's daughters are Protestant, isn't it?

Does he win? Yeah, of course he does. He just beats the way hard. I hope wins. 1-0. I think he would beat the IRA in real life. All of them. I don't want no trouble.

Oh, hang on. And listen, in an appropriate colour, but now. You know what I mean? It's the whole joke of Jackie Chan says in every film. we don't want no trouble while he's karate kicking everybody in a restaurant in the head I need to watch this film it sounds what's your problem

but that is I mean Jackie Chan would be I think it would be probably close I think if it's hand-to-hand combat I think Jackie Chan Is he in heaven? Or maybe they all have to use nonchucks I'd love to see the rat try and use nonchucks

for the first time What the fuck is that's that fucking because it's the only thing that's not been given away in a night disarmament these fucking nonchucks Is Jackie Chan go to heaven then yeah all Jackie Chan's

go to heaven all of them what do you mean by that I just I just remember the film title about dogs I think Jackie Chan is nailed on for heaven

I'd be very sad if he got like Eutried yeah oh yeah no I don't fucking wild if Jackie Chan

gets Eutried they are really going over their remit Nunchuk scare me yeah because you get yourself in the face with them like I think I'd rather

face someone with a knife than a nunchew Because nonchug, you feel like, because somebody with a knife, you can just... There's a lot of nonchuk crime, especially in London. They're really struggling with all that nonchurchs. You don't know when they're going to eat you? Sorry, Victoria, I interrupted you.

No, I was just saying, like, if somebody has nonchucks, you should have assumed they're trained in nunchucks. But if somebody has a knife, they could just have a knife. Or they're a lizard who's been to C-E-X. It's one of the two, in it. They're either a ninja or the baddest goss ever. Yeah, the biggest nerd in the world. Yeah, I'm quite a goff weapon. The nunchok.

Mickey Bartlett has non-chucks. one is called Mickey Bartlett a goth, but he is a bit of a goth a weird way he's a funny funny fucker yeah have you ever fighting some opposed to nonchucks

out you're dead I think you run you know the way it's that thing of like if they have a gun you run towards them if they have a knife you run away

nonchucks you run even faster away you run towards a gun yeah yeah because if you run away they can just shoot you with a gun I'd zigzag to close them down zigzag towards them

and then like tackle them as if apparently if somebody has a gun because if you run away you're definitely dead if you run towards a gun then maybe you get a few things. I think if someone pulls a gun on me,

I just go, oh, come on, lad. What are you doing here? What the heck are the baby? What the heck are you doing? I don't think people who carry guns are necessarily like soft as shit, though. So what if I run at them, knock the gun away,

and then they're still hard and they beat me up. You could have the gun. But you die with Valah. And also... That's what I... And I'll go to Valhalla because I have my heart of Viking.

This is how I want to go. Would you rather die, like, valiantly, though? Or would you rather just be like, just blow me head off me. Let's just get it over with. No, you see, there is another option, isn't it? He's robbing him. So if a gun comes out, I just give up completely.

I think running away is still a viable option. I'd roll. Nice. And then he'd just wait for you to stop. You're doing a circle and just come back to them. Like a single forward roll. No, you'd be confused if you'd just do something. And he'd be like, what's going on here?

And then when he's distracted, run away. I wouldn't run towards a gun. I wouldn't have the piece of mind to go, but you meant to run towards. I'd be like, oh shit, what the fuck. Yeah, or pull your pants down, get your dick out, try and sexually assault them. That's, uh, you know? One each.

Just get your dick out and start singing the national anthem. Well, they reckon that's like one of the most effective ways to deal with a burglar, isn't it? Stripped your bollocks and start wanking after them as you run down the stairs. No, who's there? Which is they know how to handle it? Who's there? Like, who did this? London School of Economics, I think.

Did you get hard? Why? Did you get hard? Yeah. So do you know what is long? Is it worse if you're hard? or is it's a more, it's a worst visual

to look at someone masturbating a flaccid penis than a hard on. I think the reason they're so scared by it is that they're worried they're going to get come on. And you can't come

with a flaccid penis. Not true. You can. I've never done it. You can. Have you never put in like, like you were like a teenager and you were off sick from school

and you've put an absolute shift in? No, I would have got hard. I don't think. I thought that involved you, of yourself and fingering myself and hitting the G-spot?

No, no, no. How do you do days off? If you just keep on wagging. And it starts... Doesn't that make you hard? Like, almost. He might have just ruined. Yeah, he's gone too far.

Now, I always come when I'm hard me. I always come when I'm hard. Oh, I'm always hard when I come. That was the one, yeah. There you go. I actually think both will probably show. No way. Not every time you're wrecked.

you have an erection who you come and that would be a great you know like that jason statham film where he has to keep his adrenaline up do whatever it's like if you get an erection you have to come before it goes away otherwise you die i mean yeah but like if if it was life or death i could i've never had an erection that i couldn't have come from yeah i guess you can't i've let go by the wayside where i'm like do you know what i see you in an hour or two you know what i think if i've got an erection may to come yeah i think body gold well great film though if you lose the erection, you die. Yeah.

And like, maybe you're not allowed to tell people that you'll die if you lose the erection. I wonder what the longest erection ever is that isn't... No, he means in time. Time. Oh.

Pardon? Did he die? I think he... No, I think he made he had a couple years at the end where he was hiccup-free. Oh, you know. And maybe he, like, missed them. You know, like, he was, like, institutionalized by hiccups.

Like, Brooksie in Southside Greenhamson. Brooksie? Do you still wake up winning an erection every morning? For the last six months, every single fucking day. Earlier. Just because you're in the gym, just... That's because I'm on testosterone.

Oh, you're back. It's phenomenal. Alfie's on it as well. I might get on it. Yay. Does it make you bald? Is that one of the... Yeah, but you're fine.

That's what I'm going to be fine. I could accelerate the baldness. Yeah. But be slightly less likely to get absolutely cunted at rugby. Apparently it only makes you bald if you were already going to be. It just speeds it up. Because I have two options because you know that people say like, look at your uncles. Some people say it's just like your mum's side or whatever.

My mum's side, all of her brothers are bald. And then even on my dad's side, his brother has alopecia. So I'm either going to be bald or like really fucking bald. Would you not take you? I don't think I would. I think it's going to become so common to get like a hair transplant or whatever

that I'm just, I'm going to be one of the rare few. Like that guy from, is he from White Lotus or whatever where he's got like slightly long hair? Walton Goggins. Yeah. He's fucking gorgeous,

but he suits that look. I think I could suit that look. Yeah, yeah. Tell you, I look like a John Kearns where it's just like, yeah, your hair line's high as fucking, you're kind of bald, but it's just like quite distinguished.

Also, Sedan. That's the coolest ball guy I've ever seen. Oh, he... One bit of his hair held on like at the great hairline point, you know what I mean? It was such a triangle. He still looked great.

But yeah, Walton Goggins is doing bits for many of her... See, this is the thing. Because he's a good looking... Have you seen White Lotus? No, I haven't, but I've seen what he looks like, but he's cool in it. Yeah, so cool.

Not cool in it, but like, you know, he looks cool. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know, like, it does feel like a sort of... Like, people say that, you know, like, men don't have to do it. with the biological clock thing. I'm very pleased that I have

like a girlfriend who is like pretty locked in at this point because I think I would be much more worried about the whole confidence thing of going bald if I was like trying to get, you know, you know what? You've been together like five, six, seven years? Yeah, nearly eight years.

Oh yeah, it's proper. I think you could pull off the shaved though. Well, I've been skinhead before which is like grand. I've been on here maybe with like a close to a shave head. You also came on here with long white hair. Yeah, I've had a few looks on the Howard box. Also, when people go, I've had a skinhead,

when they've got it down at like number three or four, everyone knows that you're a guy that can grow hair that has just shaved it. Mine was a number one. Mine was number one. No. Yeah. On my 21st birthday, I shaved my head number one all over.

It was four charity, but I sort of have the shine of a real baldy. No, because you can tell, even if there's a little bristles or whatever. It's the sheen. Like, these people who are like, yeah, I'm getting those dots in to make it look like I've just got the head stubble. be like yeah but your head's still shiny that's the giveaway of like that's male pattern baldness is the sheen

have you seen the Graham Norton podcast clip where he talks about hair transplants and he's just like the vast majority of them fall out and then people who've had them just get those glue on wigs Landon Donovan's done that as do you've seen there is his glue on. Landon Donovan was like right you know I've had transplants it's not worked and I just don't know what to do can be followers

please just help because it's ruining me life It was like a hostage video but it was London. Why is he ruining you? Like it's just okay to be born. But then the next week he's a millionaire. Well, he got like one of them like

semi-perman and two peas. Yeah. That's what that was. I swear to do that. But that's the problem as well. It's like when you start to like notice it receding or whatever, I was Googling like what to do,

what to avoid. And the two things they say to avoid are stress and wearing hats. And I'm like, well, I can do one or the other. I'm either in a hat. chilling or I am nervous.

Did you get a tope? No, my uncle had alopecia had a toupee for a while. He was very lucky. He was like bald, ball, ball, ball, but then kept his moustache. So we just looked like the dad from Claudia with a chance of meatballs.

And also anyone who knows him knows that's, alopecia's a different ball game in it. People, you're going to get more sympathy. I think with men, if you go bald, there's a thing of like, mate, just you're a bloke, just fucking deal with it.

Yeah. And nothing against the hair transplant thing. If you want to do that, it's fine. But the glue on wig game, is a bad game to start playing. That's a lot. Have you, anyone watched Educating Yorkshire? It's not been on for about seven or eight years.

Is that the one with the stutter kid? Mushy. Oh, he was so good. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So he was on about seven or eight years ago. Yeah. And one of the main characters who's a teacher was a, he was a brilliant teacher

and he dealt with mushy. And it was great. And he was obviously a very good educator. And his hair was going. Yeah. And we're back doing Educating Yorkshire seven or eight years later. And he's now the head teacher.

And he has a black glue-on rat toupee. And you're like, it looks horrible. Because you know he looked like before it, so you know it's not real. You're just like, I know, I know the feeling of like, I don't want to be a baldy or whatever. But like you say, get a hat or deal with it properly. Gluing pubes on your head is not the way forward. There's a place in Chester apparently.

If we ever go with everyone's days, if we ever go back around and do down. day two, there's a glue on a toupee place in Chester and I'm spending the whole day with some beautiful hair. I can't wait. That's the only acceptable time for me to glue a fucking wig on my head.

Because Jacob Hawley went and got like a paid for turkey transplant. Yeah, it seems all right, but he didn't really need it that much. And maybe that's a good time to get it. Yeah. It's to sort of fill in these bits here. And would I fuck go to Turkey for it? I'd go to Manchester or Liverpool and get it done

better. Yeah. It is better than Turkey. No, you've said this before. The dental work in Turkey is not better. It's just cheaper. It's not, yeah, it's just cheaper. Do you know, every time I hear the word alopecia, I think, is skiing. I don't know why.

Because of peace. Alps. Alps and peace. Alps and peace. Alps and peace. What's Appalachia? It's a mountain range in like... Virginia? Virginia.

I was going to say the Caroline. I think of Ireland. Really hardly hit by the opioid crisis. Is that what you think of, Adam? What? Is that what you think of? Do you think of the opioid crisis? Is that just smockheads?

Yeah. But it's like pharmaceutical stuff, isn't it? That's that easy thing. Foxy Conton and stuff. The Sackler family, I just read a book about this. Absolutely fucking crazy called Empire of Pain by Patrick Radden-Keefe. Same guy that wrote Say Nothing. But it's just like, they just completely lied and paid off like the FDA and all the American government to be like.

Oh yeah, it works and there's no side effects. And then got basically like 10% of the whole country of America hooked on heroin. Have you watched the documentary? No. Not Netflix. Is it Empire of Pain? It's a bit of that. It's that story.

Oh, it's fucking crazy. Because you're just like, yeah, we're trying to get all these people hooked. We said this. When we came back from Nashville, is it Walgreens is their boots. We,

I just, I had a bit of a headache and wanted some ibuprofen or whatever, like paracetam or. They sell it in like, you know, when you're buying vitamins, you're like, oh,

I can spend 15 quid on this, but then they do this like massive, they do that for just pain killers. It's epic. Like, the, ibuprofen is not an opioid. No,

but I can't even buy that. I'm off the tits on. No, absolutely. But it just shows that that culture of like, well, just have fucking loads of it. What could possibly go wrong? That country scares me so much. And I'm going in a week's time.

I'm going to New York. You finally sort of your visa? Do you get fucked around on that? Going to New York, doing a show, and then doing a tour like next year. Oh, congrats. That was such a fucking stress. You're going on full proper, big old tour.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, going on tour. UK and Ireland. And then, like, Europe will be added in Australia and all that much shit. But UK and Ireland's on. seal now. Exciting. I've got a band for the show,

which is so dumb. But it was good. I've got a band. That's so cool. Why? Because it's a really funny bit. It really sports at the end, but I've got,

I can't tell you what happens, but I've got a band. You doing a vinyl again? Yeah, I will. I need to do a vinyl for the second one. I got your last vinyl. Yeah, I think it's so fun. I got a quote on some vinales for Juicy,

and I never done it, but I think I might, on my next tour, have vinals of my last shows on the midst. It's the coolest, it's the coolest been emerged to buy. Yeah, no, no, you're like, even if you don't listen to it all the time, I've got this, it's such a cool people. Have you ever listened to it? Have you ever listened to it? Have you ever listened to it? I've never listened to it. I've got your little pin. I had an argument with the people who made the vinyl, because I was like, can we put the audio on Spotify as well? And then you can sort of sell it like underneath that and do whatever. And they're like, no, no, if we put the audio on Spotify, that'll affect the vinyl sales. And I was like, you're mad. You're fucking mad. Nobody's buying the vinyl to. listen to the album.

That's not what it's for. That's the first 20 years of vinyl is just hipsters having vinyl and not listen to it. I collect them. There's vinyl that I've got my collection that I've never even listened to. Yeah, of course. I want them because it's like, it's a nice thing to have and we put a lot of effort into like the, you know, the... It's a really cool

fancy bit of merch. Exactly. And I've got the little pin as well that you sold. I am the guy. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. People don't like those. I like it. Well, you know, the comedians don't like it. I understand who doesn't like it. Yeah. Yeah, that was, that was, that was fun. I like merch to be, like, cool and interesting, I think,

and I think vinyl is, like, a real, like, it's a, it feels very classy to sell vinyl afterwards. Like, you know, you can have a t-shirt, you can have all the, like, standard stuff, but of vinyl's just a bit. I love that British comedy's got their merch game together. Yeah. It makes me so happy after the Americans are like, yeah, of course, forever. They've done this for 30 years. They do their show, and then they sell the merch.

And every comedian at every level. Yeah, everyone was like, bro, we don't do that. It's some of the most, like, you just make it fun and affordable. And all it does is make someone turn up, like, as long as there's something cheap or I do like the bundle, it means that people go, I just want a little thing to remember this night that I've loved. Because you don't get, like, paper tickets anymore. You don't get anything like that.

You just want a little thing. And people want to support as well. And if they don't, they don't have to buy it. Like, there is a weird thing in, like, British comedy of like, and it's certainly been sort of blown out of the water by people like yourself. of just like there was a way of reluctance to just like promote yourself in any way it's like well I'd like the art to stand for itself

actually well it doesn't so what about that let's try some tickets tell some stuff have a good time give people stuff that they enjoy having where can we get your tickets for this huge tour that's coming up all of my website so vittoriwansanonly dot com slash tour might be in the description

of the episode something like that but all that's on my Instagram and link in bio and all that stuff when does the talk kick off tour kicks off January and so everything's sale now, doing some really nice venues, really struggled to find a place in Liverpool but I think we've got some are nice the Philharmonic. But I think that's the only place you can do comedy in Liverpool.

It's a place I can do comedy in Liverpool. I saw you behind the film. Yeah, in the chamber room. That was a nice little room. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we're doing the big one. I don't think he's looking for suggestions. I think he's hinting at the fact that he might be banning from a certain company. I know that. I'm aware of that. Carl's like, have you tried it?

The jacket, are you doing the main room in the film? Doing the main room of the film, doing the Apollo in London, doing some mad places doing like Theatre Royal and Glasgow, like big, big rooms. And it's a big show,

like there's a band, there's like lighting stuff. And like it's, I've really, I've been very ambitious and I sort of figured out how to make all the ambitious stuff work by doing it at the fringe for a month.

So it's like cooking and ready to go. So people should come. much. All right. Seems like a nice time for a little break. I'll stop doing that accent. Ew.

No, keep doing it. Dan was doing a Belfast accent. I love it. Don't you worry about that. Is there anything else you want to tell us about apart from your little, your shitty little tour? Obviously, podcasts with Mike Rice,

guide to parenting, all that crack. I'm going to start, because I'm sure you get pitched guests all the time by like random, like PR companies doing PR for tears are like, we'd love to introduce you to this person

that you've heard of and don't like. Well, I'm on the mailing list for Netflix's PR people and they keep like, like the new Harlem, cobbing things out. Michelle Keegan's in it again. She's looking for press opportunities. I'm like, is she?

Yeah, we're like, right, great. And they're like, ah, it's not going to work. Oh, the dates. The dates don't line. The dates don't, we didn't suggest dates. Oh, but they don't, it's a clash. It's a big clash, I'm afraid. but we always get suggested parenting experts

so whoever's written a book about parenting or has like a course for parents or whatever and it's like annoyed me for ages but now I'm just like because they haven't even like done a cursory read of the blurb of our podcast where it says we don't have kids and we don't talk about parenting but I'm going to start interviewing them and putting it on Patreon

like just doing a really sincere parenting interview about my son Michael who I'm having a tough time keeping in line imaginary kids are often the worse do you remember that phone call we had four years ago maybe when you were about podcasted oh yeah yeah yeah and I was like

I'm not sure about this and I went find someone you've got great chemistry with and watch it fly yes boy it's all down to Dan and that's why you get 10% that's why I'm earning more Vitorio

I think you'd be it'd be an entertaining life with you as Presidente of the world I can see myself pivoting the politics and the church I think I could be a very Catholic president of Ireland

Have you seen the new The woman who just got elected as president She can do so many keep you ups It's mad And she's 65 She looks old That was her whole campaign trail Was just doing keep you ups

in different cities. What will you do about immigration? Look at this. They're coming from all around the world. They had to do a statement. They had to do a statement going,

it's honestly not AI. I mean, she's so, she's so good. She just, she just goes into these girls like to ask the kids, whatever, and then.

She's not trying to impress like all the ministers by just doing keep you ups and. It's the new Philip. No, it's on the campaign trail. She's like,

fucking sick, me. You not know, it's just like, everyone now. Everyone. has just become a version of Trump. Yeah, it's like a meme.

Everything has to be like a cartoon caricature thing. Like, have you seen the people running for like mayor in New York? Like, um, Zoram, Mom Darnie. Well done for you for giving that ago. I mean, he is, he is nothing like Trump.

No, but you have it. No, but like, quote, Cuomo's trying. His lack of, um, he's not like Trump in terms of policy, but is, is lack of what you would call political etiquette

like he went on flagrant last week and they're sort of shit posting as well like you know they'll tweet shit about whatever there was a mad one do you see what Cuomo said about Zorhan Mamdani where he was like can't have him as mayor of New York he probably would have celebrated 9-11

so fucking racist that sounds like something I'd say on a podcast so did ice-kees man Gavin Newsom in California is amazing what he's doing because he's going,

what I'm going to do is, I'm going to mimic you and your tweets and your style of press conference to take the piss out of how ridiculous this is. And he's going to garner so much interest

in terms of the Democratic nomination. He called Joe Rogan a shit house yesterday, didn't he? An actual shit. He called him a shit house for not having him on his podcast. He's been slagging me off for years. He had their trump on

because he fucking little like buzzum boys. with him and he won't have me on because he knows how fucking bury him. Debit me on. But he's literally speaking like that's not verbatim, that's in my like, but like... But it is the version of that. Yeah, yeah. He's like, he's a shit house.

He won't have me on because he knows that like all his criticisms I've got answers for them and the questions I've got for him and the way he sort of led us to this political landscape. He can't fucking answer that. So I don't even want to do his pockets anymore. He's a fucking asshole. Like he's he's going to run for...

He's going to probably be the Democratic nominee in 2028, I think. I think he's quite high profile, though. So at this point, you never know. But I think he's going to be one of the names. He mobilised the National Guard, didn't he? In San Francisco to manned food banks because it is the governor's under the governor's power.

It shouldn't be a federal power. And then obviously publicise it, though, is going, this is what a National Guard should do. And this is necessary because people aren't getting any benefits because the Republicans have shut the, have shut Congress down. But, like, what's the fellow's name? Gavin Newsom.

No, the... Zoran, Mom Darnie. Him, yeah. He went on a flagrant, and he was talking about, there's, like, a billionaire donor who was, like, actively campaigning against him being New York mayor.

And, like, the way he's talking to Schultz, he's like, he's spending a million dollars a day against me. He's like, I don't even want to... And he goes, literally, Habibi, I don't want that much money off you. Like, I won't even tax you that much. Fucking keep it and just let me... He sounds sick.

Yeah. He wants two percent, an extra two percent for those who earn over a million dollars, which is 20 grand. And he wants to increase one tax to match New Jersey. And he's getting called a communist. Yeah, it's crazy. The people they call communists in America who are on the center right. They're like, he's basically Joseph Stalin.

He says, oh, some health care should be free. What the fuck? Is this North Korea? But he's, like, they did a, they did a, there's another guy, I can't remember, is it C-Wall or something, but Cuomo, Cuomo or Cuomo? Cuomo is, it's so done. He's so done. And they were like, you like baseball? Which, which team? And, and both of them went, yeah, I'm Yankees. And Cuomo went, well, I could get to both games, so. So politics. So politics. And Mam Dani just goes, that's what people are sick. of. Yeah. Just say who your team is.

That'd be like someone trying to be the mayor of Liverpool and go, are you a red or a blue? You know, somewhere in between. I watch both matches. That's over.

That's Paul McCartney though, isn't it? Just fuck off. No, because he's lent blue, wasn't he? Well, yeah. No, but you're not allowed to say I support both Liverpool teams

and when they play, I just close my eyes. I just want everyone to have a nice time. You don't want a half-and-half scarf mayor. No. You know, that's like... Jean-Marco Sarezi's been involved in Mondani's, like, campaign. He's done a few of the rallies.

Do you see any of you's, if there was like a leader that you believed in, would you get behind? We've got our own left-wing sort of meme lord guy, Zach Polanski. Have you heard what his old job was? Yes. He had a clinic on, he had a clinic on Harley Street in London where he would hypnotize women to use the power of their mind to make their tits bigger. And would they get them out? work? No.

Yeah, it did. What the fuck you're talking? He had a clinic on Harley Street and didn't sort those fucking tags out. Oh, yeah, his teeth are all over the place. So he would put them a kid and they'd get bigger tits. Supposedly.

That was like the idea of it. He charged women to hyphenotize them into having bigger tits and now he's running would they get their tits out during this? I would imagine there was a lot of tics. He's the OG hypnotit. Yeah. All glory to the hiponotis.

No tense. It again, speaks really well. I sounds great. Funny online. Yeah, works. I sort of hate when comedians go, uh, like,

I think a comedian's job generally, if you're going to be political with it, is to, not that you can't pick aside, just to laugh at everything, at everyone. You should, I,

I think that this is something I want to talk about in my new show. You should, like the bit the, the, the big problem I think at the minute is everything is so polarised that no one wants to admit

that the other side has one good points about anything because that is seen as like a defeat for them if you go, oh, do you know what they've actually got a good point

about this, but despite that being true this, this, this and this, it's just every side has to be no, no, no, no, you're wrong, you're wrong, doesn't matter how much sense you're making about this one thing,

I'm still going to say I disagree with that because I don't want to lose any points off my argument and it's just fucking awful and shit and comedians should be going, well, you're a fucking idiot for that and you're a fucking idiot for that and you're an idiot for that

and you're all fucking stupid and fucked lot of you. That's our job, really. Yeah, I think the thing is, like, you can go, like, you're an idiot for that, you're an idiot for that. You're currently funding a genocide, so, like, that's probably the bigger problem. So you get my vote. But still, but don't...

But, like, it's the thing, it's so cringe when comedians, like, endorse somebody and, like, all the fucking... Can you imagine if, like, prime ministerial candidates start coming... Because that's the equivalent if fucking Kirst Armour's on here next week being like I'm going on I'm going to be primitives in the election trail.

Is that endorsing them or is that if you're the kind of podcast that does current affairs and speaks to different people? I think if you post them. Like Trump on Rogan felt murky because Rogan had voiced his support for Trump and then didn't have

you know, Kamala Harris on. So yeah but this is the thing. Like I don't want to defend. any of that because I think what Trump is doing and what he was always going to do is fucking horrific and he should never

have been allowed back into power and I, you know, there's people who I call friends and certainly colleagues at least who've you know had him on their shows and I'm not happy or I don't think it's good that they did that. However, you know, Rogan also had Bernie Sanders on

and they tried to get Kamala Harris on and they like this was a big sort of criticism of Kamala Harris, campaign is her party, her campaign strategists didn't trust her

to go and do these. They all wanted it on. They all wanted it on. They wanted it on. Andrew Schultz wanted it on. Rogan wanted it on. She said no

because they didn't trust her to be able to have a two-hour conversation with a podcaster and not come across waste them by not going on it. He said, let's do 40 minutes

on our turf like in a sort of breast thing. She was a dream for Trump. Yeah, easy. easy pickings like I mean it's just like what did you think

was going to happen and also only giving her about 10 minutes at the end like a day before the election being like oh it's not Joe Biden 's Camel Harris by the way so I reflected it like you know

yeah so to be fair has done flagrant and he's done Rogan and they both like him he's also done Theo Vaughn and as much as like I not only understand but actually agree

with a lot of the criticism of having Trump on those podcasts if they in any way of got the delusion of, oh, we're really politically influential and we should be whatever. They've actually been interviewing both sides. Right. Great. And do you know what I mean? Yeah. It's not their fault if the other main candidate won't go on. Yeah. And also, Rogan's backtracked on a lot of the Trump story. It's classic BBC. We reached out to Kamala Harris for comment and she is not getting back to us. Like that type of thing. He's been really critical

of ICE, hasn't he? Which, you know, should because they're racist Gestapo gangs. Yeah, it's fucking crazy. It's horrendous. It's horrendous. But I also think there's a lot of people on the left now, which, again, is where we all sit. Like, are going, oh, backtracking, are you? Back, well, what do you want? Like, now that it is as abhorrent as you said it was going to be, isn't the people who sort of decided late on

after Kamala Harris refused to do these things? Isn't it now that they've looked at it and gone, Jesus Christ, you were fucking right and he's doing that? Oh, my bat, like, that was awful. I don't agree with any of this. Isn't that now the good... Why is that not... There's nothing more puritanical.

There's nothing more puritanical than the left. You have to let people come round to your idea. You can't argue against them for years and then they finally go, oh, you were probably right and you go, fuck you.

You're tainted. That was a great first executive order, by the way, Victoria. I don't know what it was, but... I don't think I... No, I'd be a good president. I'm not endorsing you, though. First executive order.

Me as president. landlords should have to come to your house and take your rent off you in cash and you should like count it in front of them. Okay, why? For them to feel like a visceral feeling of

this is how much I am shafting these people. And do you have to do it David Dickinson style like 20 after 20 at the post office like 20, 40, 60, 80, 100, man. Yeah, because they see your kids there and all this stuff that you're going to deal with. Exactly. And you would put on

young Michael. You would put on a fucking show. You would be sat there. all of them like in like little rags and just look like Dobby the house elf and you're just fucking yeah, do you want me to keep keep going and do it like quite slowly take up their whole day

like take the day off work and just count money for your landlord going this is mad man you got a bad landlord have you got a bad one or you got a good one because there are some really sound ones he's pretty standoffish which is sort of you know he's not fixing much but we're like well I think that's the thing

I think if you go yeah landlords have to go and collect it in person and you can literally go here's your money that needs fixing that needs fixing that needs fixing and you don't get this so that's all done yeah we should you should be like technically allowed to withhold you and i've never had a landlord but i felt where i felt confident in like texting them and being like oh this is broken can you fix it just because there is a looming specter of like they can kick us out like i don't really like we're not settled here there's always a thing of like if we push this too far to the

point where they just decide oh they're a problematic tenant is there no law i've never rented is there are no laws to protect the tenant there, no? Like, technically they have to give, like, a reason for, like, and I think there was a recent thing where they, they outlawed, like, like, causeless evictions or whatever, but I think they can always just sort of get there. Yeah, you get notice, and they're not allowed to enter the property without your permission. Yeah, I think of you a day's notice to, like, enter the property, whatever.

But I just think they're too comfy, like, at the end of a computer being like, you just send me this number every single month and we're over here and you should be able to walk in and be like, that's fucked. I have a window in my flat that hasn't opened in two years. And we've texted him like 20 times

about it and he's just like, oh yeah, just fucking unlock it. And then they always just send some fucking guy. It's just the guy who is like the least he shows up, he looks like he's never seen a window before.

He just walks in and goes, yeah, that's not opening. I think he's normally open. Yeah. Oh, my God. When you're free of estate agents. The estate agents that work for the landlords. Oh, managing the property.

Oh, you fuck off. And they're just scraping money off the top for absolutely nothing the whole time. They're so not on your side. Do you think there should be a limit of how many properties a landlord can own? Yeah, like, I think people should maybe have, like, one rental property. But I've never, like, you know, stuff's starting to go well. And then all these people are like, oh, yeah, the best way it's, like, like passive income is like buy

property and then like have people rent it and I'm like yeah but I'm not evil like that's would you like have you either have you ever like been land or thought about I would just feel like slimy and gross all over I think I'd feel okay with doing it with like two properties

okay and then be sound yeah is there not a nice way to be a landlord this is like really pie in the sky thinking you don't just be a gold landlord arguments against it is every time a landlord owns a second house that they're renting out, that is keeping someone

who doesn't currently own a house from owning one. But if you talk about student properties, like flats, rent, there is a rental market that is absolutely justified. But if it's like a three-bedroom semi

in a suburban area, that is not for students. That is for a family that haven't got their stuff together because the housing market's so mental. They're the ones where you're like, like, me. Like Rebecca Goodwin,

she's a good landlord. That's basically a not- profit landlord just because or landlady yeah in Cuba I've just never dealt with landlords so I've never obviously I know how like people call

them evil and stuff I just didn't know if there's any good ones no there's loads of good ones but I don't think they're in the majority it's a passively grim thing to do like at the bare minimum tends to be a bit grim and then they all fucking complain online being like it's actually very hard to be a landlord you know tenants are really

difficult to deal with and you can't kick them out just if you fancy kicking them out there's all these fucking laws protecting them. They have to have a house or something. That's fucking crazy. But I just think they should feel it more. If they are going to do that, they should feel that they are taking that money

literally out of your hand. Yeah. I think you could argue that you could pass a law as well that landlords shouldn't be allowed to charge more for rent than you would pay in a mortgage for a property. So they can cover their own mortgage, with the rent from the people but then any

like repairs and upgrades and that's on them because they then still own the house that would eviscerate the so they're not making anybody the buy to let market immediately though because there already is laws that that money that you make can't be offset against the mortgage you pay

so if you make a grand if your mortgage is 800 quid you are taxed on the grand now aren't you? It used to be you just got taxed on the profit you made after you Okay, so you get the whole thing and it's not like, unless you technically set up a business as like a property

rental thing I guess and then it's got very proper, this is so grown up. Look at us go. What's your second executive vote? Yeah, what's the fucking, actors shouldn't be allowed to do interviews. I think they should just be in the things they're in

and then that's it. I think all the best actors avoid interviews like the plague and it makes them better actors because we don't have to find out that they're stupid cuts. we don't want to know an actor is

because then you believe to win the role more exactly like I've made two actors and when you see them and stuff there is an element of like all right that's him

like I know him well name a good actor that doesn't do films that doesn't do interviews Kelly Murphy avoids them like the play Daniel Day Lewis is interviewing

what the best thing about Killian Murphy is how fucking Killian Murphy is in interviews well he just hates them yeah with Kevin Spacey

are I thinking Kevin Spacey, right? He didn't do a lot. No, he loved it. He used to do impressions and do all. He doesn't do loads now. No, no. Daniel Day Lewis is the prime example of he does, he's not

Chase celebrity at all. He's just done the work. Anthony Hopkins, he just makes weird Instagram selfie videos of him like dancing in his eyes. He's mad. Do you know Anthony Hopkins is like, he's like a TikTok influence. Yeah, but he's just running around being like

with mad music in the background. What about musicians? What about people in bands? What are we doing... I think that's fine, because they... They've got something to sell, haven't they? But also, their writing... But the actors have.

Yeah, it's not their job to sell a film, is it? Surely it's the people who made it. In theory, it's not a musician's job to sell the album, is it? No, but I think it's... It's not a bad thing to know a musician because then you get, like, a deeper level of understanding compared to that. Yeah, you don't get a deeper level of understanding. Because they're not playing pretend.

Yeah, there's not... Tom Hardy can tell you that makes Bain more understandable. Oh, apart from the... Harry came up with... the voice. Yeah, that's cool. It was kind of cool. What was that?

The old boxer. Oh, yeah. There's an old boxer that he based the voice on. Muhammad Ali. Yeah. He just can't do impressions. Oh, Muhammad Ali.

Sting like a baby. They talked about this recently on the rest of entertainment about how interviews now, no one actually just says anything because everyone's so scared of offending someone. So media to end. You just say the most box stander.

kind of mpc answer and that's why i think that's coming full circle yeah that's that's what they were saying they were saying for 10 years it's been that and now people are actually wanting to all the people that are doing well actually going do you know what i'll just say what i think and it'll be all right but there's there's stuff like the sydney swiney scandal recently where she didn't even say anything and no one's defending her because everyone's scared of being cancelled this the genes yeah did you think the genes were racist i'm still hung up that she's banged average, but, you know. Fucking hell, mate.

Vittario, can I add to one? Can I add one to this? Oh, don't even fucking start. If either of you got near it, it would be the best moment of your lives. It would be the best thing you've ever done. If she was in the same room as you, you text, Mike. Yeah. Because she's my fucking, because she's famous.

Yeah. Because she's famous, not, she wasn't famous. She's just got like, I think she's, like, she's pretty. Oh, yeah, she's attractive woman. But I was like, the fittest woman that has ever lived. I'm not. also looks a bit like Sid the Sloth.

Sydney the Slough. Sydney the Slough. Can I add to this sports people doing interviews? Because they don't say anything. Yeah, yeah. They're just media trained out of the wazoo. It's a waste of time.

Just stop media training. If you want to just, I hate instant sedative, any type. We need characters back. We need people saying mad shit and like, no, like, I, like, see when a boxer says something like homophobic or whatever

and there's like a media for roar. And I'm like, that can't bunches people for a minute. Yeah, yeah. Adam has made that point obviously he's got mad opinions. Why are we asking anyone who gets punched in the head for a living like political opinions

or like any sort of... I think still ask them but I don't think expect like don't media train them to the point where they just say nothing but also don't have a go at them if they say something crazy that's what we all want them to do.

It's nice when they surprise you though when it Tony Bellew talking about Tommy Robinson was great you're like where's this come from? It's just all of a sudden just like a really interesting like probably if you think about who he's trying to appeal to

the boxing crowd I don't know if it goes against the grain but it's like a nice surprise but then when it goes the other way and everyone's like oh that's out of order you're like yeah because it's yeah if you want people to have opinions it's Tyson Fury definitely yeah he's just

sick though isn't not boring to go you got beat there they're like yeah we got beat we won't get beat next week hopefully that was good chatting to you just waste of everyone I want up a bar to come on in front of all we were shit there by the way He was shit in particular, by the way, like X, Y, Z. Fucked, fucked it, fucked it, fucked it.

I hope for your next week were better. That was shite. Rather than going, yeah, you know, we'll keep trying. And, you know, the manager's got to get it. Like, I've just wasted 30 seconds in your life. Yeah, it's just, it's all just very sanitized. Formulate, it's all the same. All the hard edges have been softened off.

Do they get fined if they, if, like, after a match, because in the NFL, if you don't turn up for your media availability, like, you get fined. Oh, yeah, maybe. It's part of the deal. Oh, it's a play. could you just be like, I'm not arse about that. Yeah, they probably just do get fine.

Paul Palmer's quite funny. I don't know. He's just like, I'm not playing into a young game. I think we're always about, we're always about a decade behind America in terms of stuff. It happens with a podcast and it happens with stand up.

It happens with loads of stuff. And a lot more American sports people now are in the media game in like an authentic way, like the Kelsey Brothers with their podcast. And even American sports broadcasting there's a lot more personality in than British does. to the point where even the American broadcast of

football. T.I. Henry, Jimmy Carragher. And Micka Richards, that show is a lot more real and filled of personality and authentic than Sky or TNT or whatever. And eventually, we, like, there's already people being like, why have I got to watch TNC sports and not,

is it NBC or whatever? CBS. CBS. Why can't I watch CBS's coverage? It's clearly better coverage. That will just keep eroding the old robotic way away and then eventually we'll follow

America's not just pandering the children I think all this stuff is pandering the children where it's like they're like all this stuff does really well on clips on social media but that's just like 13 year old 14 year old boys watching this whereas I want like actual football analysis like I want to hear a pundit say something when analyzing

a football game and at the end of it I know more about football yeah but I feel I get that more from people that aren't ex pros exactly that long-haired guy and that girl what about that lady who watches like 20 football games a week. Peg. Stump Peg is.

She's class. Yeah, she just ruins everyone. Everybody. That guy, Rory, they're like Chelsea guy. And he's like, what about this? And she's like, well, obviously because of this, this, this, this. No, he says Beckham, and she goes, well, Salas got five or less. This is the Beckham.

He's going to catch him. And he goes, uh. But then they go, yeah, but you never played the game. That's the thing. That's the criticism, isn't it? As soon as they're not an expert. Kevin Kilban played the game. I don't respect his opinion.

Oh, he's lovely. No. Fixed her out of Kevin. I couldn't give a fuck. It's Kevin Killed by the game I'm not Meg Burbatoff. Yeah, your, your opinion I respect. When you clip that, I was like, fucking Elvittorio, it was the way.

Did you just, you know, Meg Burbatov, did you just stop playing and just do a lap of the fucking stadium? Oh, it's beautiful. How do he does that in five a side just for random as though? If Harry scores, he doesn't. play for the next five minutes and celebrating wow there's like three more goals been scored he goes swimming with dolphins

fucking beautiful to watch it was too much and I only noticed when I watched the video back I'm the last offender when I not make them with our barbatoff it's so the wrong thing to go for I had another executive order but I can't remember what it was I wrote them down because I'm prepared you might never have a word for us

if you've got one of them then we'll move on to that yeah I'm just kind of oh no I think you'll like the other executive order okay you're allowed to pick one year before you're 18 where you're allowed to drink class and you just have to pick one of them so you like you can do when i'm five until i'm six five from 13 upwards no no one year as in like your 13th year you can drink and then you're to stop again until you're 18 so you can drink when you're five but then you can't drink again until you're 18 hang on who how old are you when you find out about this rule like up earth

right oh hello when do you want to start thinking do not just pick 17 see I think a lot of people would pick 17 I think that's probably like the sensible boring

like normal I think my daughter at eight years old will be on the Tommy Marguerite Tommy's Mogheries pretty fucking quick shit like

there'd be a lot of pissed nine year olds knocking about what is the point of this rule Oscar Crack it would be funny of loads of year all decided

that was their year because I think a lot of 14, they wouldn't be able to resist the urge to wait until they're 17. No way. So I think loads of like, 13 year olds would be like will we all, our whole class will we just do like this year?

And they're allowed in pubs and all. Like they're allowed to go to... The ID checks are going to be Mab at bars. Just a four-year-old. It's like it's like a password stand wouldn't it? You get a gold ID for that year. Yeah, or the digital ID. This is another argument for digital ID. Thank you Kier Thorner. It's children.

That's 10-year-old's causing trouble. What year would you have chose if this was a law? See, I started drinking quite late anyway. I started drinking when I was 17. But I think, I think, because with the benefit of hindsight, I think the most fun would be like, like transfer test, like 11 plus, like when I was 10, 11. Just getting blathers.

Just get on it. I'm going and playing. I got an A fucking. When did you start having the Jesus piss in the church? We don't do that. We just have the bread. We don't do the wine as well. That's not true.

Like six people at the top, like the important people, like the Eucharistic ministers who like dish it out, they get the wine. And then the priest always like necks it after every, everybody has a sip and then the priest just fucking sees it off. We had what? We had wine. I think you can, but it's not like, they don't give. There's like 200 people in the church. Like you can't. And your priest was an alcoholic.

Yeah. There's none. There's none left. Actually, I don't fucking. This blood's strong. So we call that a pod. Do you reckon? I mean,

Oh, you've got to have a word, sorry. Oh, yeah. Can you have a word with my friend Michael that he doesn't need a diagnosis for the fact that his tummy hurts

when all he consumes is whiskey, coffee and Pringles? This is Michael Rice? Yeah. Yeah. That's all he eats. And every day he's like,

oh, I think I must have gastritis or something. It's like you live a fucking manic lifestyle and all you eat is Pringles. All he eats is Pringles? He fucking loves Pringles. Yeah.

who doesn't love pringles, man? Yeah, once you're pop your card, stop. He's talked that to the limit. You're a marketing team's dream. With most people that's on like a day-by-day basis. With most people that, like, catchphrases on like a tube-by-tube basis. He's done that with one pringle and gone, that's me forever. And also, once you've pooed yourself on a bus, then you should stop.

Don't use that as the slogan, though. Who's pooed himself on a... Oh, my. I thought you talked about yourself then. I just, you know, he hasn't, but he could. He could very well, himself. Mike Rice looks like he's living on the very end of his nerves

all the time. He sums it up perfectly. He has a head full of spiders. Yeah. Like he's just... And it's made him one of my favorite comedians by some stress. I sort of don't want him to sort it out. No, it would be terrible for all the

live. Jamie's the same. When Jamie sober's up and starts kayaking, I don't think his stand-up's going to get better. Do you know what I mean? Why would his Reformation be kayaking? No, because he's a bit, he's a bit edgy. I can't see paddle and hiking for Jamie. Well, he has sorted it out a lot, hasn't he?

But he's still got that edge. He's like Rudy, isn't he? He's turned it down a touch. Yeah, but he's still got that. Yeah, but when he's doing ultramarathons, I think we've lost the Jamie that we love a little bit. But this is almost like the media training thing. Like, we don't need to diagnose these people.

They're just mad cunts. And that's okay. And we get the benefit. And it's just like, just let them be mad cunts. Keep them just like, you know, like a kid who's like just like bobbling along and you just seem like, don't go that way just a little bit. You've seen the Tommy turning bit of Montreal

about in Ireland before we had mental hospitals, we just had open spaces and people were just free to roam the countryside. And if somebody was mad, you just told them to fuck off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they did.

What's the bit, there was a fella who went into a shop in his local town and there was two twin sisters who ran the shop and one of them had passed away and the mad gump went in and I said

was it you or your sister the time? Fuck, I love Tommy Turing so much. That Montreal 10 minute just for a last set is one of the best TV sets ever. There's a guy who lives around the corner for him that has the dental equivalent of a comb over.

He's got no tape, no tape on his head of his face. And the other ones are trying to cover. Oh, he's the best. Lovely, lovely, lovely. Go and check Victoria out in all of the places that he post nutmegs. And also go and buy tickets to his tour. Adam's tour.

Adam Roadocode at UK. This goes out for early access on Saturday. So that is live right now. General sale is live. Presale. We got rid of thousands. Thousands of tickets. And yeah, general sale now.

There's more dates to come. people are like where's leads where's Brighton I'm working on it I just had to get the first batch I think it's in the north of England

um yes Adam row dot code also the arena if you are lagging behind and going to buy them soon buy the arena tickets before you miss out

it's going to be fucking wonderful have a wordpod dot go on the Patreon to see the roast in December as well I'm excited for that to come out

you were amazing you were super I'm excited for the short edited version of of my centre I'm not cutting anything that

will happen there'll be one they will be seeing everyone your your overrunning was so

justified I did so far over Adam was like it's great 10's fine 12's a problem 16

16's a dream Finn is there some come doing a song for us yes just a little another ticket

push I've got London and Manchester this weekend when you're watching this

so the 8th 9th of November there's a couple of tickets left for Manchester and then London is turned up on the door Oh sorry The Comedians Club, if you finish Sorry I've interrupted you

Where did you guess what? Have you fucking shut up That was awful That was awful Go on Where do you get them? No, there's also Liverpool The 5th of December

All the tickets are in the bio I've got a website now Finleyk.com.com.uk Go to it. I would have gone for finley.com.com. Like, you know what I mean? I'm not as smart as you, Vitorio. Okay.

Dan, you may proceed. Comedians Club Chester. One minute, I just want to say. I love Finn. That was all I wanted to say. 8th of November, Saturday of the 8th of November, we've got the Comedians Club Chester. Comedians Club Chester.com.

I'm comparing. Freddie Quinn, Hattie Preston and Andrew Bird, a belting show, the last one of the year, the last one until February. So we're about 40 tickets short of selling out. It would be nice to see you there. Vittoria, I'm handing over to you for the song, I believe. Yeah, my cousin's a singer-songwriter.

She lives in Manchester, grew up around the corner from She's classic called Russia, which is R-O-Fada, like R with like an Irish accent on it, an I-I-C, of Russia. And she has a song out now called Rum Makes Me Cry, which I relate to. Nice. That was a beaut. Ba, Felicia. She brown sits on my lips. My tears rolled on to join in.

delightfully melancholy mix I take my sleeve and wipe my eyes I've been hiding half the night I part my lips and pat them dry

because they didn't taste of you No, they didn't taste of you. I'll proceed to deny that I'm upset over some guys. This happens every time. Rum always makes me cry. Rome always makes me cry

The walls are spinning around me I'm the drunkest bitch at the party But I swore to myself That I would never be that girl so I love myself outside because it's not a pretty sight I'll stand there all night and shiver till my lips go blue because they did a taste of you You

They tasted like Diet Coke and second half smoke Captain Morgan He's burning the back of my throat Plastic cups and bad conversations But they didn't taste of you I'll proceed to deny that I'm upset over some guy

I swear this happens every time rum always makes me cry rum always makes me cry rum always makes me cry Thank you.