Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #358 with Ray Bradshaw - Have A Word w/Adam, Dan & Carl

Episode Date: December 8, 2025

Tickets for the ARENA SHOW, merch and loads more available on our website! https://haveawordpod.comTickets for Have A Word Live shows as well as Adam and Dan's tours and previews:Adam's Tickets: https://www.adamrowe.comDan's Tickets: https://dannightingale.comCarl's Stream || https://twitch.tv/senseicarl_Finn's Music & Tickets: https://finnlayk.co.ukAs Adam and Dan said, don't miss out on all of our extra content, we've got one of the best value Patreons in the game. An extra 90+ minute episode every week plus loads of bonus content such as the now infamous Lockdown Lock-ins, the Nashville & Amsterdam specials and our Ghost Hunts! What are you waiting for? Sign up now at https://patreon.com/haveawordpod​Get subscribed to Have A Word Highlights: https://youtube.com/haveawordhighlightsThanks to this week's sponsors:Manscaped | https://manscaped.com20% off with promo code: WORD20NordVPN | https://nordvpn.com/haveawordEXCLUSIVE NordVPN Deal ➼ https://nordvpn.com/haveaword Try it risk-free now with a 30-day money-back guaranteeADAM ROWE and DAN NIGHTINGALE are two award winning comedians from Liverpool & Preston, respectively. They are two of the UK's most highly regarded stand-ups and have both performed all over the world. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello everyone, welcome to this episode of the Have a Word podcast and my God, Carl, it's a good one. We're sat on the couch for starters, mate. I know, because I'm feeling very festivey. Festivy, that's a word. Festivus is coming. It's Christmas, just around the corner. This is when we're starting to do Christmas presents. Have you started yet?

I haven't started yet, but I've thought about starting, do you know what I mean? Yeah, I'm starting to think about starting. Yeah. And if you're the same and you're a lid or if you know a lid or if you love a lid, You want to get them a nice... Such a good gift. Have a word, Christmas jumper. Such a good gift.

Paulins, Navidad. You can go with the red, the Paulints. Yeah, like, if you're not willing, you're loving it. It's such a good, like, it's such a nice thing to give them. And if I was going to wear a Christmas jumper, Dan, and I'll wear them when I'd be wearing it, brother. December 20th. The Haver Word Arena show, our second ever arena show.

It's bigger, it's better. It's an extravaganza of everything. Have a word. It's a Mardi Gras of fun. You'd look good in one of these. Just imagine the sea of red and blue, the city of Liverpool, split, red and blue. But it's not Liverpool and Everton.

It's Wallace and Paul Inns. What side are you? Are you excited about the arena? I genuinely, up until this is a bit of a fourth war, but we had a meeting last week. I was a bit nervous. Now, I am so excited. This shit we've got planned.

It's going to blow your socks off. We know how good it's going to be. We want you to be there. There's a few hundred tickets left. Don't miss out. We want to cram it full of. the lid army. Have a wordpod.com for all your Christmas jumpers. Have a wordpod.com for all your arena tickets.

And enjoy the episode because it's going to be. It's just a hub of have a word. Have a word. Everything have a word. Everything have a word. And the episode, Dan, we've already filmed it. It was a belter. Nice. Wagwaglids, you're listening to the funniest podcast in the game. From the heart of Liverpool with Adam, Dan, Sensei Carl and Finn. This is the one and only have a word. This episode is brought to you by NordVPN, the very best in protecting your online activity.

Go, Ed, get on me. Welcome to this episode of Have a Word. How you doing? You look so wintry and nice. It's a good jumper, in it? Have a feel. Fucking jumper central over your house. It's very light and hairy.

It looks heavy. We're all quite autumnal today. Oh, I feel jittery today. Harry's not. Harry's dressed for safari. Yeah, you're dressed like Chad Hogan. No, you're dressed like you're going on Safari in Wiggin. I'm running out of clothes.

It's getting a bit Steve Irwin over there, brother. What do you mean you've run out of clothes? I do this, though. I think Ellie's unionised with herself, and she's just refusing to clean my clothes because I don't do the washing. She shouldn't be cleaning clothes? We have this conversation.

You're grown adults? No, she should be cleaning clothes if that's what you want. Last night, she was like, I think you think that the fairies are clean and everything. Alex calls herself the fairy? Yeah. Yeah. Like sometimes Al.

come home and she'll go the fairy's been today by the way there's a big pile of clothes on you there yeah but the thing is though with Adam he has had a conversation with her and gone listen I sorry Alex I expect this no no no I'm great

conversation no I haven't you're a little bit last week no I haven't I haven't said I expect this what I've said is you can't expect me to and that's not the same thing that is a Mexican standoff of dirty underpants okay then you've got a thing

with Alex where like you know all it works as in like she doesn't does the washing, it works. Yeah, yeah, but if she ever went to me, I'm not doing that anymore. I wouldn't be like, off you go. Like, that's not what I'm saying. Deal breaker for me.

My attitude is, I'm not, like, I'm not domestic, I'm not good at it. She's like, I am, I want to do it. She's like, I'll fold your clothes and put them in the attic for you. You put them away, and I leave them there until the cleaner puts them away. But you haven't spoke to any about that, have you?

So you are, I should be, I don't, I don't, genuinely, I think this was a, big misconception. I don't expect her to do anything. She doesn't have to do anything. And that's why it works. I don't expect anything from you.

You don't expect anything from me. Everything's a bonus. Should it be like 40 manager, do you know, at the start when you're deciding, like, let the assistant manager, he's doing the individual training. I'll take big picture stuff. Yeah.

He takes that stuff. Yeah, but I'm saying, have you said to her about, have you just, do you just throw it in the washing basket and then go, oh, why isn't I been clean? So I didn't know what the washing. which was the right washing basket

so I've just had my clothes kind of sat in a washing basket that apparently is not the right one but yes because I haven't done the washing since we've moved in which is probably a bit bad but the washing machine scares me and it smells

that's not good did it come with the house yeah it came with the smell as well washing machine shouldn't smell anything but good I blame the woman who's been managing it to be honest

yeah but maybe maybe maybe we need to get a new one. Save up a little bit and buy a new washing room. No, you just get the, clean the filter out. Put a fucking, what's the dishwasher? You can put, like, one of them in and it cleans it out. Can you?

Yeah, just because you have washing machine smells a little bit. One of the previous terms of smelly goffs. Yeah, well, there's that. But if you've accepted the old washing machine, just because it smells a bit damp, you don't go, new washing machine, bin that. Like, it just needs a bit of a clean. I don't know if you're the man to do that, though, Harry.

Exactly. Like, I think this is a Clive job, to be honest. He'll paint it, whack it with a hammer. I've asked Clive to come around because our bag hook or like the coat hooks all fell down and we've just left on the floor for the last two weeks. If you haven't seen a previous episode, Clive is a mystery tinker from the parbold area

that does jobs for... He's gay. A mystery gay man comes in. He does jobs for Harry and his family. Doesn't work for anyone else, but they keep him in good trade. Harry bought a house recently with his wonderful partner and... The cleaner.

it's uh yeah he's on a bit of a journey with it it's going great what's your job what's your rolls on the house then see this is the thing I do need to do more no you don't you don't need to do anything so that so early bought like this

you need to do something you don't yeah I don't think he's bringing the financial no no no way that you are it is yeah but this has always been my attitude right I'm not doing it you do it if you want and if you don't want to do it we'll live in shit and it'll be fine.

I do the dishes and I may pass I'm not even doing that. You're a treat. He's taken, by the way. But she bought her this like metal rack to put all of our shampoo on

in the shower and it fell off. I'm like shampoo all of. It fell off. And for three days I just showered like on top of the just stood on metal

and she went like why did you not just put it back up and I was like, it looked me. complicated. See, I, I'm joking, like, to a point. Like, there's certain truths in what I'm saying. I'm joking.

Like, I like to pretend I'm more of a nightmare than I actually am because there's human in it. That's mental. I just, it up. The thing in my head is that because at one point, it looked like a bit shit in the shower because we need to clean it. So I was like, it just looks the same as it did before,

but I've just not noticed that there's just metal and shampoo all over the floor. It's going to be a hard transition. into grown-up adult for you, isn't it? Wow. Because that's what you've just gone. I don't know. I didn't put it there. I'll just leave it there. Which isn't how you're meant to do it as a husband to be. I feel quite bad. It's the equivalent of, you know, when your missus put something on the stairs, as if to say, look, that's going upstairs, but I don't want to put it off the time now.

Yeah. If you walk past that three times, I will piss her out. So, yeah, this is the one thing she's had to have a word with me about because I'm really bad. I don't see anything unless I'm... You're looking at it? To look at it. Yeah. No.

Like, I have to be, like, hand-warked. This box here, do me a favour, take it upstairs. And then, honestly, you asked me to take that upstairs, it has gone. At least three more times. By the fourth, it will be up there. But I, I am blind to things. Color boxes.

I'm blind to clutter unless it's directly in my way. Yeah. Like, if she put it in the middle, of the stairs would you move it to the side of the stairs I probably would just move to the side yeah but like if she goes

but also like sometimes do you know why I don't take it up the stairs I think like subconsciously genuinely because sometimes I put stuff somewhere and then she puts it away and I'm like where the fuck have you put that she's like it was in the middle

of the living room I've put it away and I'm like but I knew it was in the middle of the living room so I put shoes on the stairs that's where shoes go really shoes live there that is where the shoe That's the original spot for the shoes.

Take them upstairs? No, because I'm going to go out with them. You have your shoes upstairs? That doesn't feel right to me. I'm never wearing shoes upstairs. No, I get dressed upstairs though. Oh, right, okay. I get dressed in the attic.

I like that. Quietly. My shoes are a downstairs thing. All of your shoes are downstairs. Yeah, all of my shoes are downstairs. How many pairs of shoes have you got? 20. They're all downspins.

They're all in the porch. Oh, that's a fucking busy porch. You've got 20 pairs of shoes outside, essentially. They're not outside. They're in the porch. That's inside. That's the start of the inside. It's just an episode of the shoe people in your porch.

I mean, I really get rid of about 10 pairs that they don't wear anymore. And your mum's not bothered. She keeps saying sort them out, but I'll go, yeah, I'll do that another time. Well, I've hit that wall because half mine were in my boot. I had like a travelling shoe case. I'm the only person who keeps his shoes in the wardrobe? No, so I'm not allowed all my shoes downstairs, but it does, because we don't walk on the,

we don't wear shoes on the carpet on the stairs and upstairs. We're those fucking nonces. So it's shoes off. Fair enough, it's just Laura trying to keep a carpet clean, and she picked a beige one. So it's a fucking nightmare. But I have so many shoes that if I go, these better downstairs,

because this is where I put them on and wear them, there's too many, and then that pisses are off. So I have some upstairs and some downstairs. And that's a constant fight, because she does that thing of like, There they are on the stairs. They'll want to go up. And I'm like, you don't know the rules.

They're actually downstairs. I have one pair of shoes downstairs at all times, and that's in case, like, the ice cream man comes. You little cutie. Yeah, but that's important. Oh, that's what Crocs are for. If I go downstairs, my shoes are upstairs. I don't want to go out anymore.

I'm pissed off. We're going to go back upstairs. Carl's been a hermit for three months just because all his shoes got put up upstairs. That's where Crocs. I know not everyone loves them, but they are good little... Yeah.

Well, my version, that is Bakes. Right. I've got two and a half pairs of beaks. Like I've got one, I've got two pairs of Birkenstocks and I've got one like jar, off brand thing. And the brown ones that are a bit too big for me, I basically use them as slippers now.

Yeah. They're like downstairs shoes. I don't, I've just bought my brother-in-law some crocs for Christmas, some lined ones. And I feel like it's a, I feel like it's a bit of a Marmite Christmas present that. Because also, like, I'm in charge of my brother-in-law randomly. Like, Laura's in charge of the presents for my sister.

So I have to pick stuff. And then I saw them. They're on the Black Friday sale. They're nice. But they could be, like, fucking out, what a surprisingly good gift. Or they could be driving away from ours going, who the fuck is wearing these? No, I think you've, you've massively overestimated the 50-50 nature.

I think it's like 80-20. 80-20 in terms of fuck them. Nah, everyone that slides crocs off if you buy a pair of crocs and use them for a bit, you'll get it. They're the lined ones, they're the winter furry ones. I agree with you. I just don't think they will wear them, I think, because there's still like a stigma.

A stigma around crocs. There definitely is a stigma because I don't wear them out of the house. What color? I've got black ones. How would you feel if someone got you them? It's one of those where you're like, ah, crocs, but if he tries them on and uses them like you're using your,

I think it's a decent present. is if as long as you take away To gamble one I respect it But I didn't know what else to buy him I bought him a coal plunge a couple of years ago Like it's Honestly these are back

Because I've done his present for a few years I bought him a vacuum cleaner for the car I see I'd really appreciate that An outdoor vacuum cleaner One of the carcher ones And as I gifted it I could see he was like Oh cool but I could read the

The fuck buys a vacuum cleaner In my head I was like That's one of my favourite things I'd like that and then that I'd make it really easy when I put my car into the car wash

I'd be like over there as well did he ask for the culpr these are the rules I'm not cleaning the car also what a varying amount how much of the clocks am I at clocks

no I've got him I've got him some other stuff I've gotten some smellies my sister came to ours and in August and went oh what's that after shave you've got that's the first one

I've smelt on someone that I actually quite like so I fucking did the thing that you men are do that I so rarely do I was like yes I'm going to remember that.

So I've got him a bottle of that. What was it? It's the proud of black stuff. But now the smell like you? Yeah, but we... Yeah, I don't think I'm hanging out with them enough. All right, okay. I don't think she's going to get the sentiment and go,

oh, my fucking brother. Although he's called Daniel. That is the thing, though, isn't it? Smells very, very emotive. Yeah. Right, well, I see my sister. He might go, oh, God. What?

Oh, God, what? Oh, God, that smells like, Dan. Oh, right. Hang on. Wait, dear. Let me just, because I think I zoned out there, because I had to stop myself being naughty. Your sister smelt you.

No, I just used aftershave before we went out and she went, oh, that's quite nice. I see her like three or four times a year. I don't think it's, I don't think she links that scent with me forever. She's not a fucking beagle. I've done that, though. So I bought a specific aftershave for the wedding in Italy

and I only wore it during the week. And now when I put it on it, it literally instantly takes me back. That's what I did for the three weddings we had. I had an after shave that I just wore for those. It takes you back so strong. My bear put a new after shave on the, new perfume on you today. And it reminded me and my mum.

I don't know whether I wanted to keep wearing it. Great sex afterwards. Yeah. It's like, you know what I'm. Smell is so emotive and so linked to memory. It is insane. Like, if I spend like a had links on me, like, you remember Link's orange?

Yeah, it just takes you back to change your rooms. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Oh, Lynx Africa is a very sweet, like, time travel of, like. One million? Was it one million? Yeah. Just me and him going out, like that smell is so strong.

Jean-Paul Gautier, the one that's like a, like a camp sailor torso, that is my dad's divorce. That is my dad meeting the, after me and my mom split up. He was with a lady, and he went through his disco dad phase and used a half a bottle every time he left the house. Disco dad, he started going out on the tune.

Yeah, we've done it on the pod. I turned up to Tokyo Joe's and he was in there. Oh, absolutely, yeah. Was he like your age now when he was doing that? Yes. In my head, he was 60 then, because I was 18, but he was, but ab-bap-pah, 48. He's 30 years older than me.

What? Whoa, in the club. With a fucking bad boy leather jacket, proper T-Birds boy. And in your head, that was an absurd thing, but you're quite regularly in the club. Yeah, you know the club. You're the disco dad. If you take tennies away, I'm never in the club. Yeah, but I'm in the deadies of your dad.

And I have defo been the disco dad. Did I say this to you recently? Like, the last time we were there, I was having a fucking great time. And I genuinely at one point clocked a guy that was like obviously older than me. He went, cool. At least you're just the second oldest dude. And a girl came up to me and went, oh man, you're such a. a vibe, right?

Because I was dancing. And she, and I knew what she, she meant like, look at you. You're old. Your knees are working, but you can still move. You're such a vibe, isn't a compliment? When was it that you were giving someone life advice? In teddies. You need to put a bit of money aside of it.

Oh my God, that girl, when she was like, there was a good, me, Finn, it was after, I can't remember. It was after Carl's wedding. It was one of those nights where we ended up in Teddy's. and there was a girl that was dancing with us there was three of four of us out anyway, I had a dance with it and as the night got going

she was doing that thing where she was like talking at me a lot but the music was so loud I was just sort of nodding and she must have thought this guy's so agreeable but I couldn't really hear everything she was saying, it's my age and at the end she was like

I know what love Finn was like Finn was like you were doing the can we go and I was like all right, we're going to head off. And she was like, I get a very strong sense that I need to take your number.

And I was like, wow. I obviously did her. No. I was like, oh, no, she went, is that not allowed? I was like,

that is not allowed. And she went, could you give me some advice? And I was like, keep doing what you're doing. You're amazing. See it? And then just walked.

I swear you told me you said, just keep being you. That was it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she went, yeah, great advice. Oh, to be fair She made it gimpy

Like, okay, if I can't take your number Can you give me some advice? Like, what, do you know what? That implies that that's why she wanted your number though She didn't want to suck you off She wanted to just like get some wisdom I tell you what, he was a really, you know That a financial advisor was

Had some real good He was such a vibe man You were her Rafiki from the lion king She kept calling me Rafiki I should have made the link Just be you man She was attractive as well Oh, she's like, oh my God, I just need life advice from that old bastard.

Wise old man! An old Papa Dan comes in, well... Just keep being yourself. Keep doing you. You're amazing. Keep doing you, man. Peace out, brother. Hey, Tom. What time? This is probably like 5 a.m. as well. It's about half three in the morning, yeah.

It gets a bit wild. And then the time before that, Joe got bitten by an Asian lad. I mean, it gets wild in Teddy's. Considering it's pretty alternative and there basically isn't any nomad. Yeah, that's high. We're Asian man. He's got some serious powers. Just runs out of New York's own rice.

Or noodles. Make more sense. There you go. Now it's rice. And that's Teddy's the indie bar in Liverpool. Oh, it's right. I'm so glad to be past my DeCleberber. Like, I just don't want to be near.

It's too loud. And people are too near me. I don't want to be in a pub that's got the music too loud. I want to be able to talk to you at this volume, at podcast and volume, from this distance and no louder. I think when we've got six or seven beers in us,

we might think we're at this volume, but you do naturally got, you're like, we're just talking at normal volume. That's only because the music's so loud. But Pogues, which I love midweek, on a Friday and Saturday,

I can't be doing with it, man. Because it's got nightclub, like, busy, hasn't it? It's shoulder to shoulder. It's a great boozer, but now if we do a show and that's where we go and have a pint, like if it's a Friday and Saturday, I can't handle it, man.

There's a queue out of the door. That's become, because I think a lot of people... That's where we're going on. Oh, absolutely. Straight to Pogues. The only thing is, are we getting Uber to the Rubber Soul? And which order did we do them in? Rubber Soul and Pogs, I think.

Yeah. The after-parties so big, we're splitting it between the Brubbersole and Pogs. So I'll see you all there. Havewarepod.com for tickets. If you haven't made any tickets, by the way, it's dead late now, just buy them. Havewarepod.com. I'm so excited for the arena,

and it's a really nice feeling going into it. I can't remember. we felt like last time. Awful. Did we? You two didn't. Me and Dan were absolutely breaking it. Oh, right.

I think I felt like we weren't prepped because I'm in charge of the prep. It's because we were writing the questions in the break. That didn't do me a lot of good. And I just didn't feel like I was ready to do the stand-up after my tour. And I'm going into this one going, make my stand-ups pop in. I can't wait. And knowing how, we've learned from that last arena show, which was fucking brilliant. I feel like we've taken the best.

bit and then sort of we've prepared a show we've learnt from it's a proper show this time it gets exciting going into it yeah I'm very excited that's a big difference that you could split right down

the middle of this with me and you and them too with any sort of close your eyes run into the cupboard in the dark it'll happen anyway and see what happens whereas they're like

but what if there's monsters in the cupboards and I can't see them like I just but that is a good thing as a company that we sort of share different like

personalities, because if we're all like, close your eyes, I'll twatter monster. You know, we're going into this one. Because I trust, I trust us. I trust the people who are working with because they're amazing. And it will, it can't be bad because we're all great. Yeah, but this time we've also done the prep. So, like, last time.

And I think because I do the questions and the prep for the pod, I out of nowhere felt like, are we, am I doing this for the fucking arena? And we just never sort of focused on it. and it just built a little bit of, yeah. And also having 40 family members, I could do with that. Which I am.

That's our fucking streamline guest list. Yeah, you've come down a lot this time. Yeah, I've just made a business choice. Are you, because you, I mean, if you've missed a few episodes recently, you might notice that Dan is suffering from the Freddie Mercury virus. Like, when you've got your top off, you can see your gains,

but when you're all closed up, you look thin. Well, I have lost a lot of tummy. You have, and you haven't been boozing. So what's your booze tactic for the arena? Well, you said a few episodes ago, you've got to put it in the wall. And I want to drink and have a good time

without making myself sick. And it's been a long time since I've had three months off the booze. So I'm just going to try and take it easy and then at the after party, I can relax. That's so accelerated by your body now. It isn't just three months off. the boot.

I think you need to get hammered the mood with a new body. I think you need to get hammered the week before. I feel like you were in Edinburgh. Do you remember in Edinburgh when I'd lost all of that way? I've never seen a lot of pop head down, yeah. Do you know, I'm too stone heavier than I was at my lightest when I lost weight 10 years ago. Yeah, I believe that because you were insane.

I was nearly 15 son and I got down to 10 and a half and it took me about six months. And that was using the Cambridge weight product. And I've done that again, to be fair, they've been useful. But I'm two stone heavier than that. And I think we were out in it. Was Joe DeRosa there? Yeah. Yeah.

And, and I, like, I wasn't at the fringe. I think it was 2015. Does that sound right? Were you doing an Edom Show in 2015? No, that's the one year I didn't do. 2014, that I've been. Mad. 20, maybe, maybe the year after.

2016. Yeah. Yeah, it was 2016. And I went, I'm at the fringe. I'm fucking going for it. And I'd been like, like, so low calorie before it. And I made a fucking lemon. of myself.

Like I got stupid drunk. Luckily, with Joe DeRosa, who's a guy that I heard Bill Burr talk about loads. And that's what happens in stand-up, in it? Like, I've now seen more of Joe DeRosa because he's been in tyres and he supported Gillis when we went to see him. But at the time, I'm just like,

this guy, along with Paul Verzi, is a guy that's been mentioned by Bill Burr on the Monday morning podcast loads. So I had this kind of thing of like, I want Joe DeRosa to like me. He's so, so funny. When he fucks off, he's so good of standard.

wheels fell off my night, and I remember being, like, lying down in the loft bar. That's just, that is to an industry of bar to be pissed to the point where you're lying outside. So I would love to avoid that. I'm going to have a fucking great night. You should get hammered a week before. Right. Good tactics. Next week.

At home, lab conditions. Yeah, brilliant. I'll just get absolutely steaming. It's like, it's like literally, you know, the way they give you, if you get bit by a snake, they give you snake venom so your body gets used to it. You should do that the week before. Right, hang on. So the arena's in 17 days on the day we were recorded.

So I need to, about the 13th. Saturday the 13th. Yeah. Right. Well, I was going to go and work out with Rummy, but turns out I'm just going to go and get tired. No, we'll do that. Still go and work out.

Yeah. Still no days off, mate. Nice. But then just go and put it in the fucking wall. Just after the 13th. I've really, I'm looking forward to a Guinness. Yeah. I've just have a few Guinness.

Yeah, but you should, you genuinely should have a couple of drinks about a week before. Right, okay, Saturday the 13th. I'm gonna have a carbohydrate that night and that's exciting.

Are you carnivore? For two and a half days, no, yeah, and I'm just miserable. Just stop it. Like, I'm not being funny. You're not a fact. No, I know, but I'd be made up if I look like you.

That's my goal. But I'm not happy in my clothes. And the one time you're going to be happy in your clothes is in front of 7,000. See, weirdly, I'm really happy in my clothes at the minute. Like I feel like I'm at a good like happy fat weight. Like I'm enjoying my life. I'm not saying I'm fat

but like I'm not, I don't feel happy in my clothes and I want to be happy in my clothes and then I can also take that into Killey and be a bit healthier. Rummy, Saturday the 13th, you know, we're going for an afternoon workout. Do you want to go to the pub and drink five pints again herself afterwards? Let me know, cheers by. Have we got, um... Sounds great. I think that might be the first piece of advice you've ever

took off me? Like in the moment. I'm really proud of that. Five years in. Even with Clifford. For the first time. Sometimes it's difficult committing to the advice, but when it comes to five points of Guinness, it's not that hard. Do you know what I've just realised? We're not five years in?

We're six years in. Yeah, we're just about six years. Oh shit, six years. No, like, we were recording the pre-episodes by December. We started November. We started talking about this in November and started recording. No. Yeah.

No, we did a... Yeah, so you must have started in December. In December, we... Yeah, fuck it's six years since we did that. We did, like, a 13 minute, like, I think we should do this, what do you think? It's going to be out of, like, three episodes that never went out until we went, until we started Patreon.

Have you got them? They went on Patreon when we launched it? No, no, hang on, what? There was two or three pilot episodes that we did. You started with some episodes built off. There was two or three episodes that we did that never went out as, like, practice that went out. When we launched Patreon, it was like...

Thank you. Holy shit. Yeah? and the first episode when I was on the 10th of January so we probably recorded that a week before so it was around now we started recording those pilots six years

and we only got that thing behind us but it's got to be 10th 11 10th of January is the actual birthday yeah yeah the first release but we got that thing finally yeah we hit 100,000 subscribers on YouTube that's an embarrassingly slow yeah Patreon reflex but YouTube

not so much considering how How many listeners and downloads this podcast does every month? If you're not subscribed and you're listening right now, just click it. Just make us happy because it helps. It does help. Just click it. It doesn't,

it's no skin off your nose and it helps us a lot. It also means you'll see it more. Yeah. By the way, if you have fun on that day where you drink those five pints, just do it every day for a week. And then you'll be fucking pub fifth by the arena. I'd love to be your doctor.

It feels really healthy. We just need to keep a steady flow of alcohol. What are you going to say then, mate? Oh, for the first time ever with my gig My guitarist has gone We don't look like a band a lot of the time Because one of the lads Has an interesting fashion sense

So he's made a swatch for us Of what we're allowed to wear Are we going to do that? Colourns Yeah Sorry, what? You're going like early Beatles Uniform

So he's gone, what are you wearing? That makes sense? So he then put a swatch in our group chat yesterday going these are the colours that are acceptable, nothing else. You want the band to have an aesthetic. I suppose we are a band. You're not the fucking hives.

What are you about? No, no, no. We're not all dressing the same, but it's just so there's like some cohesion in the colours and the tones and stuff like that. That makes sense? Can we have a swatch? I've not bought any of my stuff yet.

Western. I'm wearing. There you go. That's the problem with the swatch. Adam's got some pretty strong opinions on his fashion. I'm wearing a denim jacket under a leather jacket. I'm wearing jeans and cowboy Boots.

So there's your swatch. I'm wearing leather chaps. Not to be sniffed out. I like it. There's our swatch. Class. I mean, that's a... That's a lot of colours, like...

Yeah, I mean, someone could put... He said the blues are just jeans. You're not allowed to wear anything else. I can see a boat. But he's got the best fashion sense in the band. He's the Adam of the band. So he, you know, he sorts all that stuff out. He's the Adam of the band.

I've got three outfits for the arena. I'm doing a stand-up outfit, a podcast outfit and an after-party outfit. I don't got any of... I'll be doing two, yeah. Three pairs of one. Oh, I found a shirt. Steve? It's a bastard.

Is it for the party or for the show? With a party. It's silver. You've seen my after party, Alfa? I have. It's good, in it?

It is. This shirt is silver. Are you all right? Silver and a bit see-through. Right. Silver and a bit see-through. Are you and take that? I'll take that as well.

Yeah. I'll send you the pictures. Can we keep that out of the swatch? Wow. That is something. Yeah. Is that real? It's nice.

That it's real, yeah. I have a ham. It's a hamable. shirt. That is some jambon. Camaboubara s, mate. That's what they call me. Hannibal Lecter. Pictures available on Adam's stories. I haven't posted that when I'm on a chance to call.

I haven't. Outfit approval. Private story. I haven't picked mine. I've picked that shirt and it's a fit. So what are you wearing with this see-through silver shirt, hot pants? Or what's the... No, because the shirt's so much, it needs to just be matched with black. Oh, right.

Okay, yeah, stupid suggestion. Otherwise, it'd just be insane. Yeah. I'll wear the hot pants for you. Black shirt, obviously. Black cherry cowboy boots, black trousers from Uniclo, black belt, burgundy shirts, begandy jacket and a burgundy fedora. What's your black belt in?

What? What's your black belt in? Lashin. Oh, no. Oh, he set that off. That was all right. Well, as long as you're not touching yourself to the imagery, I think we should have a break.

It's the name of the podcast. Let's do some have a words. It's trying to have a word. Weird. Then. Problems. Patreon.com slash have a weird pod for extra content and early access to all public content. Yeah, brother.

Make that bank. It says, all right, lids, please keep me anonymous. It's on here, that? Was it on the email? Oh, Cudu! It's all right, I'll beep it. Yeah. Jake Garrett.

Jake Garrett says, all right, lids, please keep me anonymous. It's a woman, no, in it? Janine Gareth. Janine Garrett says, all right, lids, please keep me anonymous. Have a word with our mate. Our group of mates are in our mid-30s to mid-40s. One of the lads started the WhatsApp group chat and is the only admin. He thinks he is king.

And whenever someone jokes about his football team or gives him a ribbon, he removes them from the chat and only puts you back in the chat when he thinks it's your time. He's had one of the lads out for about two months now. We tried setting up a new chat with a different admin and added him and he just left the chat and carried on his chat. We now keep this other chat as backup

for whenever one of us is out. Have a word with him for being in his late 30s and wanting to be a WhatsApp king. Is it got to be the biggest link? Remove this person from your life? Let him keep his little group. You start the second group. You don't put him in it.

you don't allow him in it he's a knobbed you don't need knobbeds in your life or do you put him in it and then remove him from it no you just fuck him off he removes himself what a gim

they've started another group this is Rob Thomas you know this is what he's like oh really yeah yeah not the football team thing you can take that but like you know

if you have a go over his head or his weight or whatever by the way in your mid thirties to mid 40s some of this bullshit like what mid 30s the mid 40s 40 and in them like that

Halfway point is, yeah. But I think some of them are mid-30s and some of them are mid-40. I don't think they're all 40. We're mid-30s to mid-40s. We're all mathematicians. I just expect this sort of stuff to be gone from your life.

You know, you just get a bit older and you're like, I'm not putting up with bullshit like this. Everyone should be an admin as well. Like, there shouldn't be an all-powerful man in the group. I really think you've got to stand your ground on this and just be like, oh, we've started another group. And if you delete yourself from it,

because you like the power of your own group, fuck off, you'll miss things. Also, is he the best hang ever? Because he better be great in real life to justify the bullshit of him being a WhatsApp overlord. I've got to the point in my life where there's nobody in my life who I sort of dread being around.

There's no one I don't like hanging out with. And even career-wise, because that's like a Woody as a club comic, as a circuit comedian, you look at the bills sometimes. forking hell, I'm going to be with them. Me and Dan have essentially made our own circuit where we're just like, it's hard on my own friends.

It's just three people I want to work with. I love it when comics, like, if I ever speak to Barry or are you speaking to a comic in the week, they're like, oh, where are you this week? It's a really comedian thing to be like, where are you gigging? And if I'm doing a weekend somewhere, they're like, oh, who you're with? And I just have stopped checking sometimes. I just rather not know who's on.

You're not to stick around? You are you in? I do. I stick round. I'm in the dressing room. But what's the point to me knowing four days out that I'm working with a bell? it doesn't change anything it just gives me four days of going oh this fucking gimp and the reality is that when you get there they're not usually that bad the chances are they'll be fine but i'd rather just not know and just put put up with it on the night and also that's the beauty of like having your phone now

you don't have to fucking i'm to be fair i get involved with the dressing room you have to at hot water because there's so much going on there's just there was so many people in my life in my 20 who I was just like, I don't love being around him, but, you know, and I just don't put up with that anymore. And you don't have to, and maturity is realising you don't have to.

And, like, I just... You make sure you grow up with. You have a weird bond with them during your 20s, I think, where, you know, like the brotherhood of being a teenager when you were at college and stuff, like, okay, I remember a couple of the lads had a girlfriend for a bit or whatever. maybe there was like one lad

who had a long-term girlfriend but we were each other's world your boys were the most important thing and then that gradually just sort of ebbs away doesn't it as you get older you can still have your boys but you also just yeah you move around you get new mates you start a career

you make mates there and then you get in a relationship probably and it just seeds importance but I think it is a bit of a tipping point some point in your 20s where you're like just because we were best mates when we were 16 doesn't mean we're going to be best mates at 36.

You change and like some people just mature and age at different rates and there's probably been some of my mates who matured quicker than me and we sort of and I was like, oh you're a bit of a fucking gimp now and then they've fucking got off and done their own thing and I'm fine with that

like they got to a point before I'm just happy with like I also have like separate little like the lads I went to school with they can absolutely come and hang with us, but also I hang with them separately. I hang with you separately. Yeah.

I see a lot of Alfie. I see a lot of Jack Finnegan. And then my missus at home. Like, and she loves doing everything I love doing. But if you are carrying the baggage of like, oh yeah, but we're best mates because we always were, there's so much time you've got. If you're clogging it up with people, you're like, I think they're a bit of Bellin, but I've known them since school.

Like, you're not freeing up the fucking hard drive space to, like, how long have you and Alfie been mates, like 10, 12 years? Not even not. Like, me and Eishan have become best mates. Me and Will Hutch be so close. I've only known them four or five years. Like, you have to have space for people that are. These ones are the better ones as well, aren't they?

Like, the friends and stuff you make at this age, they're the real ones. It's weird. I don't know. If you keep a quality control, the boys, if you're genuinely mates and you've stayed close and like Adam said, you've changed,

but you've changed together. Like Bondi and Matt, I've known them 20, 25 years. Same place to the minute, by the way. 30 years. If you can survive that time, having people that knew you that young, it's fucking amazing. That link,

like you're saying with your mates from school, it is important. But the fact you went to school shouldn't be the reason you're still made. I just see them. I see them, then people so much less than the communities that have made.

I see Josh the most other than you, and then I see Ryan and stay as well. And they're, like, we're one group, but I go to match with Josh. But I've known Josh since day one of reception. Yeah. That's my oldest mate. But that's not the reason you're mates.

No. Because I've hung out with Josh. He's dead sound. He's good company. You've changed. But you've had to jettison some people along the way. And I think that's healthy. Like, it's not a bad thing to be like, I think, without being a cunt to someone, just

being like, you're not good value. Seneca's really good at this. And I don't know if she does it. Oh, she's got like a three strikes and you're out policy, aren't she? I think she got to an age. And I think me too, with him more so. where she's like, I haven't got time for you.

I've got a busy social life and a busy work life. I haven't got time for you to be a dick. So if you're just gone and there's like three or four people in the last five years where she's gone, okay, we're done now. And to me that's mad.

I'd rather just not speak to them and not see them. She's like, we're done. Oh, she's actually told them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's been times when... I can't be asked with the admin of that. No.

She's good. I don't need to tell. But it's obviously when it happens. done something to, like, upset it or, and she's gone, okay, cool. Like, and she's got a strong sense of, like, justice, where she's like, I'm going to let you know why I'm not going to be answering text. And it is done. I'm like, I'm like, oh, it's cool. I don't like that.

I've done it with people. I'm a knobbed. I don't like that person because he's done something to me. But I think there's nothing wrong with the platonic ghost. I've had it done to me a couple of times where you're like, gee, I've text them three or four times. Then you go, oh, they've fucked me off. Like, it's not the end of the world. Respect the game. I've done it to people. I don't need the confrontation of like, this is why

we will no longer be friends. She's just a lot more like tuned in than me. Elie had a mate that she was close with and she was working in Matalan and the final of the F1 season was on. She was like, nobody telling me about the F1 and this mate spoilt

the F1 friend. She's never spoken to the friend ever again. Yeah, I wouldn't. Yeah, just completely went out. Oh, you're done. Also, I've nearly fell out with him over this. So there was a point where Carl had an app on his phone called LiveScore and live score is faster than Sky Sports. Fast than real life. Yeah, sometimes

it does feel like that. But if you're watching on Sky Sports, there's about a 30 second delay. And Carl would be on his phone watching a match and he'd go and I go, I know something's coming now. And he'd be like, no, no, no, no, no. And then there'd be a penalty

or a goal or whatever. And I had to speak to him and be like, I don't want to watch them. I'll go in another room. I'll go and sit on the other side of the pub. I can't watch the match like this. This happened in Turkey, didn't it, with the barman? No, they were just bad, not bad. No, but no, they, it wasn't it in the same thing. They were like, they were going, hey, you've scored, I'd never do that.

Oh, no, no, I know it's next level. But they were going, hey, goal. We'd be like, it was like 15 minutes as well. Their stream is so far behind. Oh, I find, like, ruin and something that someone really is into. Yeah. It's just not okay. Like, people who, like, post spoilers for major TV events

because they'd be the found outs all, like, it's on streaming now, and people are, oh, don't tell me, like, I'm watching a, tonight and then they'll fucking tweet it or whatever. Like, what are you doing? Like, what are you getting out of that? Well, you're stopping with the Harry, when the Harry Potter books were coming out. Harry Potter.

When the Harry Potter books are coming out, when like, spoiler, like, Snape's Dumbled door or something. Snape dies. Snape Stombleville. Yeah. And they, I've not, I've not read them. But the people would drive passing cars and shout at the queue waiting for the midnight release.

That's funny. No, that's funny. No, that's funny. Sorry. I changed my mind completely. That's funny. Speed reading the book. Right, get the car.

If someone drove past us in Turkey and was like, they're going to score now, lad. Like, I'd be like, oh, you nabbed. There's a huge, there's something about that. No, because they've got a kick out of that.

The person who happened basketball and like, whatever. The guy in the pub was just being a dick. Yeah. But I think he might have been like, oh, you'll want to know. Three goals. Three goals.

Now you know. Three up. Yeah, if anyone, one in your life is this kind of Nazi little cunt prick. Just fuck him off. Start the second group. Use that as the main group. Stop talking in the one he's running.

Take his power away. My little brother kicked me dad out the family group chat once. If the Nazis had said to Hitler early on, if you keep killing Jews, we're going to start a separate WhatsApp group. Fucking, a lot more people will be alive. And that's the point we need to take from it.

Because that's, you know, most of 1930s and 94s. It got out of a hand because they let him run the the nationwide group chat yesterday in the road chat that I started two women organised going out and I nearly went you're going to get kicked out because this is for resident stuff and they were like what time should you go out we should get the I was like what are you doing in here you're a loser you know do my no because I'm getting notifications because you've taken over the the street WhatsApp yeah how old are you and I was watching the fucking game I was like Julie by the way if this was me if this was me if this was me

around the street WhatsApp, you'd all be having a fucking field day, but I would rather throw my phone in a river than start a WhatsApp group. I don't talk in it. I'm just there in case something's done me heading, and then I will. But don't fucking make my thing pop up

when I'm watching a match because you're going to get in the 10-A. You're not mute your groups. No, because then I feel like I'm going to miss out. These knobbets. 8 p.m. Good time to go out. I was watching a match

and they didn't come down at the top. I'm like, fuck off. What's, I mean, honestly, you're street as well. like 12, 20 houses. What's the most dramatic shit that could, like, what's the thing you're worried about missing?

You see me kicking off water bins. And I'm talking it. Because it fucking fixed itself because I kicked off enough. People were feeding pigeons and it was doing me heading. Finging each other. I was like,

there's an issue with pigeons in the road. Are they just two lesbians that live on your street? There are two lesbians on my street. Are they in the WhatsApp group? They are. Are they?

Are they together? They just had a baby. It's the best thing in the world. Oh, they're a couple. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I thought they were separate houses. No, their partners, they're amazing, love them. But people were feeding pigeons in the street.

So they were shit all over everyone's car. And I was like, can we stop doing it? Where did they get the come from? No, it was bread. No, he saw the people. Yeah, they weren't throwing cum for the pigeons. These are dirty pigeons. Do you know what?

Didn't ask them where they got the cum from. Where did they get the cum? guzzling pigeons. But they were feeding the pigeons. They'd one of them have the baby? Yes. She gave birth. She gave birth.

Did they do that thing where they both put their eggs in like a tambola? Like her F.A. Cup drawn. They're like, this is the embryo and they don't know who's embryo. What they're doing is

they, so one of the ladies had a baby with a donor and then they're using the same donor with the other lady and she's going to be the mum so they've both have been mums and they'll still be brothers because it's from the same donor.

I think it's cool as for. And both for their pussies get ruined. I haven't said any of the super... The main thing is, just keep Adam away from them. Lovely, congratulations. Where did the cum come from? I didn't think of it. I think it's a perfectly valid question.

I just got a word it, but... Yeah, stop feeding pigeons because he's just on cars. Hang on. How are they going back to the same guy? Do they know the fella? I imagine so. Is it a private deal? Would you do that?

If they asked you, would I what? Would you give them your sperm? if they asked you. What do they want for? The baby. I think it's pretty clue. I wouldn't give two lesbians. What do they want it for?

The pigeons? It's a lovely garnish on a madrasse. What do you mean? Madrasse. If they said that guy, that guy, the first donor, he's dead. He's been run over by a tractor.

Would you then give the... No, I wouldn't give the two lovely ladies in my robe. I'm not asking you to cut. No, that's not what they do. Carl, that is a compliment. Yeah. How is that a compliment?

And I'm like, fucking out, Carl. You run. that WhatsApp group, lovely. They're like that a lot of lesbian. What? No, this is, this is who they are. And you know what? You saw it out of the pigeon, shit, a fucking treat.

Anyway, there's been a horrific tractor accident. Luckily, not on this road. Because you'd have been kicking off about it. But we are going to need some, how does Evan Row put it? Come for our pusses. And you seem like a stand-up guy. Give us your jiz.

Cash off a 20,000. Because I wouldn't want a child in the road who isn't to be half me. Why not? Would you do this? Listen, if there's any sore gun lesbians come and knocker and they go, damn, we need some come.

I'm wasting. A lot of cum. You know? It's just going into the fucking, you know? Because I don't think they can go back if it's like a sperm, don't a clinic. And I don't think you can go back and be like, hey.

Good shit, that. Yeah, that Billy come was good. You should more Billy cum. Oh, I think you can. I think you can but mark it. You really? If you like a donor, I think you can go back and go,

listen, did you use the whole pot? Because... It was one of them ones where you're picking as well. Like, always seven foot in Chinese. One in again.

Yao Ming. Right. No, but usually take boxes like seven-fourth Chinese. I think that's the only two boxes. Where's this? If I'm looking for a hotel on Buckham.com,

it's like a sliding scale. Like, you can have three to four, four to five, four to five to six foot. Six to seven, seven plus. Seven plus. Yeah, they pick seven plus Chinese

and then the rest was a giant that's good at accountancy. This will be a fucking wild wild incubation. I honestly think I would I want to help out you know, there's a there's a young gay couple going fucking hell down. Really love

the podcast. Ten pound patrons. Help me out. What if a girl came to the podcast and she's just unfortunate looking she's you know not managed to find the fella she's a bit ugly you know

what do you mean came to the pod and goes listen I want to have a baby I can't afford to buy some clinical I'm a big fan of the pod I want you used to help me out with this now I understand

you just don't want anything to do with it and you probably don't want to like be like oh it's definitely Dan's kid will you all come in a bowl mix it up like with you use blanks with you take you based me

and let me have a little have a word pop baby like a tomm bowler pussy tom bowler what if it comes out with all of the best traits from all of us super baby

yeah my left arm yeah I don't know if she's going to get past the front door but have a word pot at gmail.com if you what you mean if an ugly woman says can you all come on a pot

and give it to me You're not going to say, yeah. Don't you want to know about? Like Will Hushby's boarding school all over. That's bad. That's, do you reckon, that's possible? What's possible? Like, Joey say you get a donor.

If it was many men's come, many men. And it all went in. Yeah. Like, what had happened there? One sperm. Now, women sometimes get pregnant from gangbangs, so it's possible. Yeah, yeah, but it is just, it is one sperm, in it? It's all I take.

Unless they go, to be honest, I didn't. I don't recognise you. Let's hold hands into the egg. What could happen? So if she's had, if she's released two eggs, so identical twins is one egg that splits, isn't it?

And non-identical twins are two eggs and one sperm in each one. Right. So you could technically have twins that are half Michael Marf yours. Oh, yeah. What a bit of merch that is? The only problem is,

you haven't got a seven-foot Chinese baby. And that's where you're really missing out. But the baby's the seven-foot. It is Chinese. Half. So yeah, kick him out of the WhatsApp group, I reckon. I think that's a good advice. It's so lesbian-friendly, aren't me?

Well, should I call them gay? Yeah, they are gay. You can call them either, as long as it's not a slur. You can call them whatever you want, behind the back. This isn't behind the back, this is on the internet. Would they... They're getting women. Maybe next time you see them, ask them what they prefer.

Are you lesbian? Have you ever seen that clip of the lad who explains that LGBTQ is all gay? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's really good. It's so ignorant and bad and so funny. Have you seen it? Yeah. What you've seen it?

Well, I won't do it then. Harry, have you seen it? I'm not sure. There you are. You all seen it? Cool. Another have a word. Kieran says Wagwagglitz.

Can you have a word with my mate? He thinks it's really gross and weird that when I'm on a run if I need a shite and I'm in the middle of nowhere I will go in a field or bush. It's not like I'm going in someone's front garden.

Tell him to stop being a gammon. I mean, it's not ideal. It's someone's garden, isn't it? No. I feel someone owns. That's not someone's garden. Who owns Sefton Park? Lord Sefton.

This estate. A farmer's field is, Someone owns it. Not her garden. No, but even a farmer and someone had shite in your field. They put shite in the field.

It's good for it. If anything, you just open the crops grow. Yeah. I'm all about... I'm not going to... I'm not sure mine helps the crops grow. To be fair.

It's salt in the earth. Could ruin a fun harvest free meat. Oh no, there's been an Adam Ropoo in the field. Scottish. It's good. It's good you cleared that up.

Yeah. Mate, I don't think there's anything wrong with them. I've never pooed outside. Yeah, I don't think I have either I've never pooed nice into a toilet I don't think I've had to do

I got very close to having to do one on a walk in forget the name of that bit of Wales there's like a big like fucking walking or the town looks lovely Bala

No, it's near Bala though it might be Bala maybe it's Bala San Gathlon Yeah yeah and done the big walk it was class

and on the way back I was like, oh, I'm going to have to go here. And at one point I was like, yeah, I'm going to go. And I went behind a tree. And there was a woman there with her dog. And I was like, I just can't do it. And I was in so much pain. No, well, I went behind a tree thinking, like,

I thought we'd done the only route, but there was several. And she was coming down it with it. And I was like, I can't poo in front of this woman one. That's true. You think there's a problem with that, though? I honestly, I'm not a hiker. I'm not a hiker, but I think,

I think there's an understanding. understanding that if you are caught on a fucking seven mile height, just as long as it's in the wilderness. It's no problem. I've just never had to do it. We're going to have to, aren't we? Yeah, we're pooing in bins on Killy. Yeah. What's the pooing situation on Killing? We get a, we get

a, we get a... Get a bin. No. Adam's got his own bin. Adam's got his own bin. We've got a communal bin. That is a fact, by the way. Yes. You have your own poo bin? You know why shy? It's not like toxic. It's just, there's more of it. Yeah, so your bin or get filled quicker. I'd love to have my own pooping.

Don't complain. I've got a poo in the same bin as in. It just doesn't feel nice, does it? And then you... Oh, we give you your own one because it's dangerous. Like, it doesn't feel like a compliment. And the guy who has to carry it has a hazmat suit on. Does, who's carrying the...

You don't have to poo in a bin, by the way. You're in a hotel. Yeah, yeah, I'm not climbing killy. Um... A man... There's a man... We've all got a porter each. Porter potty?

Like a guy. Who carries our poo. That's what they call porters, aren't they? Porters. Poo man. No, don't call them poo man. I don't think they appreciate that. At the end of the trip, are you going to tip, are you going to tip all the porters?

Will's told us you tip him the poo. Will's told us you tip them every day a little bit because a little bit goes a long way. Like a five in a day, we'll get you like anything. Yeah. Yeah, but aren't they with you on the mountain? Yeah. So every morning while you're suffering from like altitude sickness and you're having to do this walk, you're having to stuff it in the palm.

It's like Godfather. Where are they going to spend it with each other and with other porters? Oh, so there's not like a niece or love. like halfway up or something I wish there was can we tip your poo guys a little bit more I feel like that's they're all going to get a lovely tip at the end as well that's going to hopefully change the start of the year a nice big one nice why we're doing it every day though like what do we need the money for on the mat why we just give them it all at once and we like sort us out I think it's oh no maybe it's just like a little bit a ba-bba don't forget

that's what we all said how can they forget they're up Kilimanjaro with you it's not like we're getting there's not a cash point halfway up It's not like we're getting more out. Maybe they gamble with it when we sleep. That's good. I could win it back. Yeah. And then tipped him at the end.

No, like I'll win all of your tips off them. I'll just come on, a billionaire, mate. How are you feeling training-wise for Killy? Where are we at? I play Fussy on Monday. So you're ready? Yeah. Did you do it at 6,000 metres?

No, I haven't really... I've had a bad month when I done my ankle. I couldn't really walk or run. right we're getting the machines soon as well we pay for the machines you're getting the altitude sickness machines they make you feel attitude sick

well no they're to stop you getting altitude sick yeah I'm taking one to mine yeah I'm taking one to my own yeah I'm gonna do it in the studio every day the Bain mask yeah basically so your body thinks you're at that height so when you get there it's not like holy shit it's like I've been doing this for a month it's all right Finn have you taken one solitary step

that looks like hiking in any way no but I went to the doctors yesterday to get blood's done because I keep passing out again. What you mean? It's good prep. Just to check that it's not... When did your last pass out? Four weeks?

Four weeks. Four, six weeks ago. Yeah, four six weeks ago. Yeah, four, six. What were you doing when you passed out? It was just out and about. On your own? No. No, but I nearly passed out in home bargains on my own last week. That'd be awful.

I think these porters not need to start betting on who's going to make it to the top of Killy. Yeah. Shit, my pants. Have we got a doctor going on? with us or like a medical professional you've got a poo porter right

Julian McKeith and they know what like bad looks like you know I mean they've seen yeah suppose they know of you I'd rather have the porters who see people get sick all the time than just some GP who's fucking overpaid

Bannow boughbba bum random attack on GPs it's fucking sick of them can't get an appointment they're all up killy what are you looking for forward to it no are you talking about

I'm looking forward to the challenge of it I'm looking forward to being in Africa with the boys well's concerned they're gonna tell me not to go right

but I think I'll be fine it's time like climbing like flies yeah you know it's gonna be me fucking jogging up Killy where am I going you'll fall off after him

one by one everyone's fucked off I'm still here I want to do it but if a if a doctor goes if he's not doing it how do you are you're taking his place

yeah okay I mean I think I'm pretty medically suspended as well. Why? Because... When I asked... When I said the altitude people, I was like, theoretically,

could I climb Killy and, like, I have sleep-based epilepsy and they went, ooh, which is not the sound that I want an altitude specialist to make. Maybe they just fancied you. Come here. Do you find me attractive?

Like that Patrick Baitman meme? Ooh. But I'll... I'll take... I mean, I'd rather not... I'd rather do, like, fun stuff at the bottom. I am looking forward to... I'm looking forward to being able to say

I've climbed Kelmanjaro. Now there's an argument to say I could just say it now. I'm looking forward to coming home. Already. That's what most things. I've told you that before. Carl can be getting sucked off

at his bar mites. Yeah. Wait to come. What? What? What? They said that the feeling of going from the top

to when you don't feel sick anymore is like a high. Yeah. And apparently you feel that high a little bit for the next six months afterwards as well. Six months? Because, like, your brain is... It just loves oxygen.

I'm sorry. There's a six-month high available. Danny's back on Killy. I'm really excited to see the stars at night. Look how they shine for you. It will, like, we've got to see some gorgeous things. Like, it looks spectacular. Like, it looks amazing.

Is it the darkest we'll have ever been to? Like, the... Is it the darkest will have ever been to? darkest will love of a bento. The furthest away from electricity. Or like street lights. Not necessarily. I locked myself in the larder for a bit when I was a kid. That was pretty dark. The larder?

Yeah. Where you keep your butter. You know what a larder is? Yeah. Called blood on the stairs? Oh, right. Like Harry Potter? Yeah.

I've been... I never heard it called a larder, but that's amazing. In like, we drove out into the wilderness. Years ago. for like two hours to see the northern lights that was pretty dark I rode a camel

and did that not in the dark you didn't I rode the camel and then in the dark you wrote a camel in the pitch black it was like when we started

it got dark did you get lost that sometimes did you get lost on a camel just a dog I was so me we were on a camel ride but my camel was flating

with my sister's camel Ellie and the and the and the and the camel would the way camels flirt is that they regurgitate their gut up and then go like

and spit bile at the other camel so my sister was just someone lied to you know he's covered me in bile oh I'm flirting he thinks you're attractive my sister's getting covered in bile and then we got off in the pitch black and then a fella

got a telescope and showed us Uranus is that mine expensive telescope as well it's over hello so we're in the desert in the dark your camel spit in bile He wants to see me ass and they tell us stuff

500 pounds Then we had some tea And that is a section of the Hoverwood podcast See you after the break Welcome to part three of this week's Have a Word podcast

With our guest Ray Bradshaw Highest viewed Have a Word clip of all time That's mad You're talking about your deaf parents And do you know what I put that A clip out on Instagram

this week and I got 10,000 views. You's putting out fucking 6 million or something. It did get millions, didn't it? It's about 6.5 mil, I think. Is it? Because you told me it in the pub. On just TikTok, that it's maybe maybe a 10 across the board. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Fucking hell. Yeah, that's mad. Big number. Why is my career not more success? What if I'm getting that? We didn't tag you. Probably not. I'll tell you what.

You've made those deaf parents really work for it. And now they're working for us. The thing is, they're not even deaf. I'm a character actor and so they're doing this whole life. But you said, like, you said I told you when you were steaming. And I said, what do you mean by that?

What is steaming mean? It means horny in the north. It doesn't anymore, though. No, I mean, we wouldn't say it. Carl, the north. The north? I think you're... It's Liverpool.

It's Liverpool. I, no, because what happens is, we'll go, that's a little pool thing or someone come and I learn stalk and it's not. It's here too. Stoke again. Stokes on a run here there is.

The comments and I was like, you don't, you know, oh, Scouts has invented a word again. So I just tried to make it a thing, Maybe it's just a skull thing. I've never really I'm fucking steaming for you, girl. I went to ST1.

See that's how you... That's how you'd give yourself away. That's like the three glasses thing in... In glorious bastards that I'm steaming for you, Gail! She'd be like, you're not from here, are you? Where you're from?

Take you that off, come on. So it's where he's from, when I was... I was listening to your episode you kept mentioning Stoke, I went to ST1 Nightclub in Stoke, which looks like STI. So it's fucking awful.

It's not. And it was a celebrity appearance of Bodger from Bodger and Badger Fuck off! I genuinely think my childhood ended the day I watched someone off from 20 quid to snort mashed potato

I was like this is fucking awful Is he? He's dead no yeah What's Bodger and Badger? Because I know Walsh I know one of them died and it wasn't Badger. Badger and Badger and Badger

I don't really know what Bodger and Badger is even La La La La La La La Is he's not Oh Bajer It was a house with a badger Who love mash?

Yeah who fucking loved mash. Bodger and badger, man. I tell you what? Sounds like I missed. He was steaming for mash. Straight down the camera. I really just thought how mad that show is.

But I fucking loved. It was great. It was the thing, a puppy. It was just scramed mash. And I thought I was like, don't need that mash. Also, see if you're a puppet. MASH must be really hard to wash out of it.

So surely you should have picked grapes or something easier to eat. I don't know. A lot of badger's. He's dead, don't he? Yeah. What year did you see him? Ballpark 2007.

Why? Why were you at ST? My flatmate was from Stoke when I went to uni. All right, okay. When did I die? Ten years later, so you're in the clear. I don't need an alibi. What were you suggesting? That I killed Bodger.

Is the Badger still alive? He's still gone, yeah. Yeah. He's like Paul Chorhol, just doing his own thing, no. Here's my question. Do you know if Bodger from Bodger and, because it was just a puppet, won't he? Yeah. Why wouldn't he take the puppy and it'd be Bodger and Badger?

Surely that's a bigger poll if Bodger and Badger and Badger. Oh, I think Badger was probably there. I was steaming in both senses of the words If you turn up to a nightclub Without the badger Right, you didn't say this, not in the contract I thought you wanted bodger He didn't say I went to a nightclub

And bodger and badger were there He specifically said I went to a nightclub And bodger from Bodger and Badger with him Because it's fucking implied You don't need to see the puppets there He met Bodger, that's deep, yeah, that's true That's true Has anyone ever met Badger then?

No, because it's a zam, did it? So I was enough to spoil There was a few... Spoir of the fox cunt. What's his name? Basel Brush. Baselbrush. What's the fox? The fox. Well, better name. A few years ago with the fringe, right?

Ebe did a show. He did a run at the fringe. Like, it was his show, right? And obviously, it's just some fucking divorced fellow with his hand up his ass, like, doing whatever. But there was comics. Like, comics who I think a relatively intelligent sound people. who were like, oh my God, I can't believe I met Basil Brush

and we're like posting selfies with Basil Brush because they queued up afterwards to get pictures with him and it, I felt like I was being gaslit by the entire movie. I would do that, mate. You could just buy a Basil Brush off the internet, having it in your house.

It's a day Basil Brush. How do you know it's the same fella? It's not cared about the fella. It's a franchise. Like, he's going out to do it. If you want to go to Kishti at the Fringe, 2015, I hosted the Guildy Blune press launch and Dave Benson Phillips

was doing Get Your Own back and Auntie Donna were on and I watched Dave Benson Phillips explain get your own back to Auntie Donna the sketch group and within about 30 seconds in I was like he's not even said the word fucking gungge

I was like that's the show Dave what are you doing he was talking about revenge and all that kind of stuff Oh gunge mate remember that Was it a dirty Basil brush Because that's what Keith Harrison Orville Yeah you know

I wish I could fly Did they do after duck Right up to this guy After duck Basically basically he worked out that his sort of stardom all the kids were now at uni so he got booked for freshers and he was like

I'll just change the show so all of a sudden he was like I'm like I suck a man off I never said I'd put a man off I love Bukaki I don't know you're moving your lips too much then

I would watch that I would watch that apparently that's what they do didn't they became DJs yeah yeah they were like we're going like everyone who liked us is now at uni, let's go and just DJ all these fucking... Right, with a few swears.

Yeah. That was sick. Were they? Dick and Domba boss, mate. I never watched them. Got on YouTube after this, finish this episode. Is that in that bungalow?

Yeah. Watch the sticker game that we tried. It's fucking... Was it Dick and Dom that would run through wall? No, what was that? That was SM TV. It was called like Ram Ray or something

that. Do you remember that? No. So it would be like four walls and someone had to run into it, but some of them would be like real walls. Did none of you remember this?

No, she, I was watching... See, I was an SMTV man. Yeah. I was big into Cat Daly back then. Okay. And, yeah, but I don't remember what you're talking about. Oh, fucky, great. I remember Wonky Donkey.

Yeah, I remember Wonky Donkey. Do you know Alfie Brown's dad wrote that? The tune. Wonky donkey, like, he wrote that and lived off it, the royalties for the rest of his life. Lived off it is so strong. You're not becoming a millionaire off Wunky Dunky. No, that was like his big hit. Where's the money coming from?

Where's the millions? Advent. I, I don't know. What advert for Wonky Dunkey is that? No, advert on ITV while Wonky Donk who's played that after that episode, surely. He's getting the advert money. Getting a percentage of it, maybe.

For a just writing that song. I don't know what his contract wasn't we? Do you remember Pat Sharp's Funhouse? Yeah, fucking great show. We would come. That was in like the 60s, wasn't it? Oh, I thought he said, we would come. So that's what I thought you said was.

For Pat Schor? I thought you were talking about the twins. We were come. We weren't people yet. Oh, right. No. Because I'm talking we in wait to say that. Yeah, because I'm 37.

What is you are you? 33. Yeah, it's surely that four years you would have seen. That's the start in the end of high school. That's a big gap, you know? That's a younger sibling gap, in it? That's your year 11, where in year 7? Do you don't like the same things as year 7's in year 11?

That's deep. Yeah, that's, that's my favorite Japanese proverb. Like I like it. Proveb? Proveb, yeah. Not proverb. Proverb, is it? What was patch up?

I was, uh, there's so many words I found out I say wrong recently. because see we were talking about deaf parents at start like I went to speech therapy as a kid so genuinely and I only found this out recently from my mum someone asked me how I learnt to talk because I've got like see from where I live I've got a very kind of neutral accent based on where I'm from

so I went to speech therapy to my grand and grandpa my mum lost through measles so I went to my grand and grandpa's house and I said to my mum recently I was like was there anything else you did to help me learn how to speak and she went oh we the speech therapist told us to put a radio in your room when you go to bed each night so you could hear words

music, language, all that kind of stuff. And I went to my mum and I was like, that's a good idea. Did it work? And my mum went, oh, we couldn't tell if it was on a station. So they would just put a random radio in my room each night and fucking hope for the best that music was on. So, like, I was like five

listening to White Noise, like an ISIS hostage every night, go to bed. That's how a lot of people sleep nowadays. Yeah, yeah. They were my homie before it's time. This is how sort of ignorance I am to disabilities, right? Is, you know, like how... Strong start, by the way.

Honestly, though. Do you know how, like, blind people, like, some people aren't, like, it's not just blackness, is it? Like, it's, like, overly blared. Like, they know, there's, like, bits of, like, getting them. Colors and shapes, yeah.

I sort of thought deaf people was like that. I didn't know that it's just silence. No, it is. Isn't it a big day little day? Yeah, so there's a difference between deafness and penis eyes, and so it kind of goes that way. But, um, the, yeah, so, like, my dad was born deaf, so he has nothing, but he can hear, like,

see sometimes if we are... I remember one time we were at a petrol station and there was like a big thud. Yeah. And he fuels it way quicker than anyone else. So, there's that. Whereas my mum lost anything through measles. So my mum can remember, what are you laughing at? The big thud, just, I'm getting rammed raid.

All the deaf Japanese people know about Godzilla and now are laughing before everyone else. Your dad's like, the cavalry are coming. What, like when the cows lie down? What? When the cows lie down to the rain? The deaf people are panicking? There's a Godzilla coming.

That's a good concept, by the way. I think you're running that. There's a gods, silent common. Ah, God, yeah, singular. Singular. But I remember, like, there's tons of wee misconceptions.

I remember Frankie Boyle was like, is your dad strong? And I was like, yeah, he's pretty strong. And he was like, all deaf people are strong? And I was like,

are they? Like, because I know something with like brittle bones and stuff like that, so they're not. But yeah, there's tons of those. I get asked mad questions. Like, what was one?

On live telly. I was doing the, a tele show kind of thing. And the guy interviewing was like, oh, so if your mom and dad are deaf, does that mean you can read braille? And I was like, nah, because they can see.

And I was like, you've just done a fucking, like, you've just done a hate crime on telly, mate. What are you doing? You get tons of them. You know what's really bad? Is, as you said that then, I was like, what's wrong with that? And then as soon as you said, oh, yeah. Did you ever, did you ever, if they ever annoyed you as a teenager,

just scream, fuck off? Yeah, all the time. You would hope. So, like, my mum lip breeds amazingly. So you would have to turn around to just hope. there was it a mirror and then you would just shout fuck off

or cover your mouth or whatever like a footballer to... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, they did. I'm all fuck up. Mom thinks I'm like swearing it

about I'm actually discussing swapping shirts I think that's what it's like talking to you mate she's doing my fucking inning today that's. Imagine that's what they're doing is they're walking down.

Yeah, there's tons of wee things that you think are normal but they're not so someone I did a bit of stand-up about it. Someone was like

what is the best thing about their parents because they always think it's sneaking at house and making lots of noise but the best thing for me was like see when I was a kid if my mom and dad were hoovering

and it was too loud and I couldn't hear the telly unplugger yeah just unplugged or hoover and they would just like like they just cut about hoovering and two weeks later

we have to go to Argos because the hoover's not working again like that kind of cycle but yeah there's like everything because same of you is all your upbringing is so natural to use were you responsible for more in the house then

like if the takeaway came yeah you know I would phone the bank when I was like seven. Like, so I would know what an endowment policy was like trying to negotiate mom and dad's mortgage. I used to fucking hate Abbey National

so much because they would always do a thing where they'd be like, you'd phone them and they go, can't speak to your mom and dad and I go, mom and dad are deaf, they can't hear on the phone. And then you could just hear the panic in the me call center guy's voice and they go, okay, we'll phone you back and they would never phone you, ever.

So you just start over and over again. And I remember being steaming, in both senses in a nightclub in Glasgow probably 2006 and a girl asked for my number and she went, I'll give you a phone tomorrow and I remember in my head thinking when I was drunk I was like,

that's what Terry from Abbey National used to say like this was fucking indoctrinated in me I'm not falling on to you again So did you always have to answer the phone and you always had to answer the door? Yeah so we, when the phone rang me and my brother and my sister were all here and I'm the middle kid so when the phone rang

you would say shout Bagsy not me at the top of you, do you get Bagsy down here? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yes. Bags are not me and then whoever said it last had to answer the phone and then you'd have to go to the door, phone, interpret different situations. I've had to interpret my dad

in like hospital appointments and stuff like that. So it's just because they're meant to book interpreters but they don't see, end up. Halloween must be hard. You must be at the door constantly because they're... No, my dad's tight as fuck. He switches the lights off and just accepts the egging.

Like he is not asked about it at all. Do you have mischief night in Scotland? No, what's that? The night before Halloween is the eggs. Mischief night? I've never heard of that before. It's a night. to get up to mischief.

Not anymore, though. We've said this before. Kids aren't really into it no more. But when we were kids, you go out to egg on the night before. I know this is going back a couple of minutes, but I think that's worth saying. I've just, a guy in Greece,

I was out for the Scotland game, and he told me some Greece fans had egged them on the way home when he was on a lime scooter on the way home. And I've not heard of anyone getting egged in years. And he was like, no, I wasn't even angry. It was like nostalgia for me. Yeah.

I enjoy it. Do you know the thing with football is at the end of the game doing this and talking to like that, normally like a fellow countryman and it like they'll go over to like yeah you know salad will go over to

oh my mom and who should be like hey lad you're like oh you're getting on is it just because of lip breeding yeah trying to stop okay right but kids that like under 11s are seeing footballers do it and when they're playing their mates on like a Sunday afternoon now

they're going up to the mates from school and going over me like you're all right lad you're so funny so I coach my son's four a side team so he's six so there's like 29 six years they are fucking and obsessed with celebrations. That's all, so big, no, yeah.

So big, man. Like, my wee boy scored a few weeks ago, and I generally have never felt prouder because he scored, and he did the John McGinn celebration. But by the time he's celebrating, the other team have already scored, because, like, it's just run up,

but they are, they plan their celebrations, like, so much at that age. I can't imagine, like, me being 11, going like that, my mum would have fucking battered. Yeah, they go up to their mates. Like, if, like, they're made from schools on the other team,

to be able to go, all right, love you on your science homework and that, yeah. Yeah, no, just give us the answers, in work, you know what I mean? That can be a thing, man. Bring your time,

so I'll work to work tomorrow, please. Anyway, good luck with your 30th birthday, did you go to the game, were you qualified? No, so I had a ticket and I gave it away. Oh, you saw. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hey, you, you had a ticket for the game where Scotland have qualified for their first World Cup since 1998. The first Maine's World Cup since 1998, yeah. Sorry. Thank you.

Ray Bradshaw getting on there. Games gone. Games gone. No, you're absolutely right, you know. How many women's games do you get to? I've read to quite a few. Oh, fuck off. I do work. I do. I know you do. You're a better person to me

and I'm ignorant into sexes. I know, he's getting paid for it. That's what he said. Do you know, I found out he's... I am the face of healthy eating for Marks of Spencers in Scotland. so I do the M&S adverts with the Scotland team and the men and women's team and I found it in England

it's Jamie Redneck that was like oh they've got a much fucking bigger budget in England definitely man So yes I got to go in and so that's how I ended up at the women's game so that way You had a ticket to that game the first time Scotland have qualified for a men's world cup

since 1998 and you gave it away So what happened was so I was at every game I was in Greece Greece away on the Saturday made my mate Craig went over and it was fuck a great and then I came back

and then my wee boy who'd been to all the games with me but it was a Tuesday night four degrees last time we got home at midnight it was fucked and exit school I was like you can't come so he was like can you watch it in the house with me and I was like yeah because I saw as loads to Ukraine in the last World Cup playoff

I've been to I saw I was at Hamden when we lost two now to Czech Republic during COVID and David Marshall got chipped from 50 hours I've been to all those games so I was like maybe I'll be a curse or whatever so I gave my ticket away my mates came around And in that day, someone offered me two more tickets. And I was like, no, I'm staying at home.

I cannot stress how much I fucking regret that decision. But it was class in the house because he was loving it. And see when Kenny McLean's goal goes in, it's so good. Is that the one from halfway? Yeah. Yeah. How old is you, lad? Six.

Yeah. So he's mad into football. I felt like I've nailed parenting the other day because he's mad into football's memory is amazing. So he was like, dad, who was better? Ronald Deenio or Batastuta. And I was like, fucking yes, mate. We've got him.

We've got him. Six. get at you what a question that he's got all kinds of so he was um someone asked him who's favorite brazilian footballer was what about so he's got all these like playing cards and stuff like he was like hmm is you like andrrich maybe well so yeah he does like enderick has asked these questions you're not seeing it no he said his favorite football it was bobby charlton who like died before he was born Alex was saying his favorite Scotland players are john mcginne scott mctony and kennie doglish

he's like where's this coming from man he's just He's going it all in there. He's, yeah, he's mad, isn't it? But he was talking to me about Socrates, the Brazilian Centre Midday all the day. And now he's going back before your time as well. Are you sure it was him and not the philosopher? Yeah, yeah, because he can't read.

Oh, my kid's only four. This is what happens in the next two years. Dad, tell me about the old towns. Tell me about Ruikasta. What if you get on later, he goes, like, Dad, did you like Filippo in Zaggy? It will be the best chat. I was like,

mate, if you can start flushing your own shit, this is going to be a real development in our relationship. He was born offside, wasn't he, dad?

He was born offside. Can I also get a fact check on when Bobby Charlton died? Recently? Yeah, yeah. I thought it's in the naughties. No, it's recent. He was at games.

I don't think Edgar was watching Bobby Charlton as one of it. He might be a good dad. I'd be a student of the game. Do you play football? Were you a guy? I mean, kind of.

Yeah. But I mean, I've got an eight-year-old daughter and a four-year-old son so they're collectively pretty shit yeah I just like Jack's gonna get better so we do play a little bit yeah

we've been like his kid could be a decent footballer so at Will Hutchby's wedding there was a footy I brought a footie I brought a footie I brought a footie because I knew his kid was going basically and I was like me and Carl

I probably want to give a foote as well if we've got a reason funny if it turned up to waiting just with a ball under your arm I had a boat I had a what's the I called I had a foot I had a fedora and a fussy.

Like, and I brought both of them, and they were equally important. If you give to a wedding of any of my fellows, I guarantee you the phrase, who's that cunt? When they said within the first two seconds. Like, once the ball comes up, 100%.

Also, little did we know that there was a former Welsh international lesbian who really wanted to kick around. But she was at international at lesbianism. Yeah, she was like pussy for Wales. I don't know what that just feels like it needs. But she was, she was too voting. That was proffered.

Yeah, and there's the kid that bodied Isham. Jack's first touch, though, is genuinely good for the child. His kid can stop the ball and, like, and he's, what, four? Yes. He, so me and Alex play football in the house all the time. We play usually at the guard, but because of where they're shite, just now we play balloon football. And I'm, I don't mind losing it or like, yesterday he said something to me. And it made me one of absolutely two foot him.

He was like, oops, skinned you. And I was like, no, you fucking didn't. I'll let you buy. But I was like, so angry at it. I was like, oh, so I'm going to have to Stephen Gerard. Once he gets to seven, then really try. But it's 17-0.

Are you going to go to any of the Scotland games at the World Cup? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I went to Germany. We, honestly, one of the worst decisions we've ever had. So Scotland, Germany was on the Friday, Scotland, Switzerland was on the Tuesday. So we decided to go in a stag do in between the games. So we went to the first game, went to a stag do.

Honestly, the worst fucking idea we've ever had. two people flew out for it, just so as I thought you were going to say, died. We went to, we went to, I need to make sure I don't say people's names in this. We went to a place called Mannheim, and we turned up, and my mate Craig, the fuck, I've just done it straight away, who organized it. It's just, he's called Craig Dixon. We'll bleak that, just give him another name.

Craig, call him Craig. Yeah, call him Craig, yeah. We got there, and there was flowers like everywhere we got off the train station, and we were like, Why are we here? What's the flowers? And he was like, oh, there was a terrorist attack and a policeman died. And we're like, why have we come here then?

Because none of us knew we were going there. And he was like, oh, after that, all the accommodations become really cheap. So we stayed in Mannheim for two days. He organised us to go to a war bunker. It turns out it was the biggest. So we get there. So I'm, if you want an idea of how small Scotland is, I'm outside doing a radio interview with Michelle McManus.

And they're inside. She presents afternoons of Radio Scotland. so I'm doing some work like Volgault and I go in and I shout my mates I was like, where are you? Because there's nothing downstairs and there's like, I can hear voices upstairs and I go upstairs

and they're all like shaking their head at me and I was like right and a guy from the middle I swear to God right steps out and he goes Hi I'm Dirk welcome to my World War I and World War II memorabilia museum and we were like oh I thought it was a bunker

he's like no no I'm the biggest curator of World War II memorabilia in Germany watch your views and immigration and I was like, oh, I like it. And then Dark stopped speaking to me. Just for heads up, he's wearing what you think he is, right? So he then goes, do you want to see World War I or World War II? So all of us are like World War I.

World War I, World War I. And then we go in, we see it. He gets a bayonet down. And he goes into World War II. And like, I'm not saying this for a shock value or ever. It's the most Nazi memory we have ever seen. There's swastika goes, fucking everywhere. And he goes, you can take as many pictures as you want.

And I was like, well, I'm not taking any pictures because I'll have to move to fucking Wiggin, or something like I got caught here. And then we get, yeah, fucking, Harry, we know your people. And then, um, Zhegyl! Imagine Harry's like, oh, Dirk, good guy. And then, um, he was, we go outside.

And we were like, oh, I thought you weren't really to buy it. He was like, yeah, you can't buy it in Germany, but you can buy it from other countries. And we're like, what other countries? He was like, mainly Argentina. And you're like, oh, fucking wonder why that is. And then we go outside. I told you Hitler went to Argentina.

I know. Hitler did. They all went over there. that's where there's hold of Germans over there? Yeah. And then we go outside and the guy

who'd come to the stagdo I didn't really know that well he was like fucking hell and I was like I know he was like I took a few pictures and I was like why and he showed me the pictures

there's all this like swastikas and all that and I was like why have you done that and he went well when's the next time you're going to see one and I was like

that's not a good argument and then about two seconds later I was like are you not in the police and he was like oh fuck yeah should delete these it was like it was mad

it was mad so when we go to America we'll try not to go any kind of, but hopefully, like... It's interesting, though, it might be bad, but you're not in there, not, nah. You've not you've not, you've not... You've not pay-piled the cunt like I have, so I've got the record of going

there. Interesting, though. Yeah, but I think what, you know, if you're doing Nazi history, it's got to be done from a certain perspective. You can't be like, yeah, yeah, do you want to see the good stuff, but I keep in my favourite room? Yeah, it was mad. I just think it's, I think it's an interesting part. As long as you're not going and gone, go get this.

Are you saying the fella who was shown you, it was like, was he in a a Nazi uniform? Close to it. And when we did a group picture, he did the wee wave. I swear to go. And he wasn't being ironic.

No. He kind of laughed after. So he was like, I'd quite like it if this was still going on. I think he was, yeah. He also had an anti-aircraft gun in his back garden.

So it was funny watching, what would that be 9.36-year-olds? The minute you got in, you just aimed at someone else's deck and pretend to shoot them. That's what every single one of us did. It was mad. It was absolutely fucking bad.

You did go drinking as well. Yeah, all the time. But it was all the time, yeah, yeah, yeah. Were you drinking in there? No, we were really hung over, really hung over. And then we went to a place called Heidelberg after. And I remember I was getting served, like, I chatted to this, Jeremy guy who's serving us. And he was like, where'd you go today?

And I was like, a museum. And he was like, what kind of museum? And I was like, say the word. No, no, because he's trying to jute me into it. It was awful. What's the word? He just wanted me say Nazi. That's not a bad word, is it?

I think in Germany is pretty fucking bad. Pretty loaded. you're not allowed to say, is it like bomb in the airport you can't say Nazi in Germany? I think so it's good, yeah, yeah. What are other things can you not say where? There's another N-word. You can't say that anywhere though.

You can say it at Dirk's house. He don't mind. Such a fucking great callback. Is he not like a pariah then? Is he, if people on the local area, not they found it? No, you can go. You can go and see it. Maybe this is really, really ignorant to me. I don't get what the problem is with going to see that.

I don't do that. It's interesting. No, it's not what you want to do. It's not the fact that it's the reason he's got it is not like, so you're going to someone's house who is clearly like, this is fucking great. And I'm under the guise of like, it's history. But it's really his perverse Nazi memorabilia collection

because he idolizes that era, which is, you know, objectively, one of the most. periods of human existence. So I think if you go to a museum and you go, oh yeah, this is interesting. You also have to have the, like, the education side of it. It was like, wasn't that awful. Rather than a guy going, want to see a spoon.

Hitler might use this spoon. I would be interesting in that. The Hitler's been, like, the idea is shooting up. Someone sent me when one of the first things ever, indie clone. Yeah. He sent me Hitler stamps, like Nazi stamps. And I just thought to you were, I don't know where they are.

But I thought he was so interesting. Have you still got them? They'll be in one of the boxes here They have Hitler's face on the side The way we had the queen I know they had a lot of like There was a swast on it at least Was he on the money?

Don't think so, was he? Do you know what? It's such a good question But also such a fucking mental question Was it the Deutsche Mark? Yeah, they were in power for years. The Deutschmark. Oh yeah!

Is it, was he on the money? Maybe he was on the money. Oh, he was on the money. Got a lot done. Well, it's like a game. He was on the five and he was on the 20. Like, has he given out to the boys? In the hierarchy?

Yeah. It's all about the eight of, baby. Oh, no. He set himself the mission that he wasn't going to be on the currency until he won the war. What a fucking idea. That shit, I was... Lost that one. I wonder if he regrets that now.

In Argentina. Damn it! At least I was on the stamps. And that was Hitler. Yeah, like, I think it's a... like going to Auschwitz and stuff, it's like, obviously it's awful, but it's interesting at a very morbid level,

isn't it? There's a guy I play football with who has got Crohn's disease and he's the plainest eater in the world and he was in Auschwitz and he was really hungover and then he went to, he ordered a burger and a still water

because he was so hungover, he needs to have everything playing and he took a bite and it's got fucking pickles and lettuce and he was like, I hate this place. And then he opened his water. He opened his water. And it was like,

fizzy and he went, oh, I'm having the worst day ever. And then there's Mays for like, fucking look around. Look at the bigger picture here. Oh, I'm having the worst. Awful. Hongover at Auschwitz. Yeah. Good, good film. Good film. Well, the hangover four is in Auschwitz.

What's happened again? Why is Mike Tyson and his tag? Like, I really want to go. Yeah, that's a bit different, isn't it? Is that a podcast spatial? I think you, no, that's the isn't it? You've got to go with your missus. Yeah, also, you don't take pictures, do you? Don't think so. Some people do, and they get in Schifford.

They don't think they do, like, the piece and pals outside the... Yeah, because it's not like he shouldn't be glamour, isn't it? It's a moody place, and it? Yeah. Is it, what do you mean that you've got to take your misses? I don't think we can do... We can't fill. Oh, no. I thought you were saying it's like a date night.

I don't think me and Carl. I know playing boners at the Taj Mahal was pretty, you know, on the edge. I don't think we can play boners at Auschwitz. The thing is, it's the ultimate bonus. No, it's not, it is. It's not beating that.

Not what could beat her. I'll kill myself on the spot. I just bet I can't live after this. I don't even think. Me and him couldn't even do that. I don't think. It would be burning in our minds. I know, but look,

there's a challenge there. Yeah, and you know he'll fucking whisper it. Yeah, that's how it starts. The thing is, this is why we can't go. Because I know, it's wrong to play bonus at Auschwitz. I know it is.

I know we shouldn't be even having this conversation and we certainly shouldn't be putting it on the internet. But what I'm telling you is once we're there, there's no way that that worm is going to eat away at my brain and I'm going to be able to resist it. No, I'm going to be honest. I do a lot of podcasts and this is the most tense I've ever felt.

A few years ago for his birthday, Tom Seagora bought Bear Kreishter a cup that belonged to Hitler as a joke so he's like I've got your Bertie present and he picks it up and has a little sip out of it and he's like why have you bought me this and he goes

well I paid $20,000 for it and that's Hitler's cup and Bear Christ's like he's crying laughing but like I can't believe you're making me hold Nazi memorabilia like he's horrified and just totally appreciates what his best

mate has just done to him He paid $20,000 for Hitler's Cup. This is why you've got to love comedians because Sigura's got rich and he's using a lot of it to be a dickhead. You just respect that level of games. Do you just buy each other gifts? We used to.

But Dan doesn't like her, so we stopped. Why did you not like it? Because I'd never got a Hitler Cup. What would you buy? What's the point? Dan, what would you say you were like that rich and you were buying Adam a silly? Sammy Hoopier's left football boot.

Just the left one? Delivered by Sammy. Barry Moore's arm bands. Famously, didn't work. He'd be... Yeah, him just deflated. Barry Moore's armband says like a fucking great play. What?

His did we? Which is why he got out. Oh, yeah. That's a misremembering of what happened that day in the pool. Everyone is in the pool. We're having a nice time. We're playing water polo. And someone got left in the pool.

I don't think that's how happened. Aquabumbed. There you go, Carl. Just to clear it up. What was you're saying, man? the way from about three years ago. I don't, what would you buy her? I really don't know what would

fuck with them to that level. He hates Russia and China. Play it. Can I'm like Chairman Mao's shoes? I think you'd be quite happy with cheering mouse shoes. Same size.

I put them in my room. Ah, my chairman man room. What do you think about immigration? We used to do, everyone got everyone presents at Christmas for the pod. That's too much, in it? We just do a secret Santa now. Ray, the budget that we were spending, the three of us, we sort of set, like, like,

I spent at least four times more on everyone than I did on my wife. Like, it was so ridiculous. It was the biggest financial... I was fucking expensive. It was chewing in my shoes. Expensive of me. mate car's gifts when he came back from japan the guilt of missing nearly a month of podcasting worked out really well for everyone else i got gifts for every single person in the company and a lot of gifts as well

well like extra suitcase worth oh like more than that right who do you buy for when it comes to christmas because i've i've whittled it down i get my wife my son uh obviously santa does a lot and then i do my brother my sister and they've got kids now so doing that and my mum my dad. So any, my family I buy, Haley's family, she buys her side to the family. But, like, they don't really buy each other much. Like, she'll get a dad a bottle of wine for a Christmas and that. How close is your son to not know enough for Christmas? I don't know six now, so I think a couple of years

maybe. How do you sell, like, say, like your family's got him a gift? Yeah. What do you say there? Like, he left at a dare off. They've bought him a gift. Oh, right, you're really simple. You don't say, you don't say, like, Santa left of a dare house for it. No, fuck that. No, it's all relatives love doing that.

like, oh, Santa spent, you know, 800 quid on these at your house, but Nanny and Grandad got you these. Yeah, they want to create it. Yeah. We've started switching up now. I'm fucking, I spent 400 quid on a switch. Daddy got that.

You know, you need to... Fucking, Santa doesn't know about... By the way, a couple of years ago on this podcast, I said, when I have kids, I'm telling them, father Christmas isn't real. And, like, I bought you that.

And you made fun of me. You were like, no, you don't know what it's like, it's the magic of Christmas and now that they're old enough that their presents are expensive you're doing what I said all along we're at a hybrid point and I'm like you should do

Santa got you some of these but I got that Nintendo Switch I want to credit yeah I've fucking I done a shit gig in Bandsley for that made my dad used to leave the receipts out like he said he didn't want of the chat so like I got one of

do you remember the five and one tables it was like yeah you put a different thing they were always shite and he just left the receipt out, like, and it was his payment on it. So he was like, that's how I'd know. I reckon that was about seven or eight. But he was like, I just kept my ass doing it anymore. Is that because you did the family accountant?

I'd actually ordered it and sorted it, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was talking about it a day. We'd a fax machine up until, like, I'd guess 2006, 2007. So, like, because obviously you couldn't phone, so my mom and dad would, like, fax people and it would be fucking everywhere. There's tons of, like, in their house,

like, everything flashes as well. So, like, see if you ring the doorbell at flashes to get their attention, their alarm clock flashes. There's a weird guy and it lives next door. He comes in flashes, like, all this kind of stuff. The microwave? No, no. There's a timer.

Oh, right, yeah, yeah. I did think about the microwave. The phone, even their mobiles now, they've got a wee thing you put your phone in it and it flashes once you're getting a text or call and stuff like. Fucking texting must have been. Oh, game changer. An absolute game change. FaceTime is the best thing to happen to deaf people.

And in my opinion, the worst thing to happen to death people. happen to deaf people because I went 25 years out my dad been able to phone me and now he phones me all the fucking time like what's the Virgin Media password? Because he's in Lippreager? No, because he can just sign to it on first time. Has he got two arms though? He's just, you can put it down. Yeah, you can put it down.

Yeah, yeah. Fuck it, that's one of the worst questions having asked though I hope. Can you not one-handed sign? You can't, you can't, like, so my dad's driving, he'll sign one-handed to me and stuff like. Will the place pull him over if he's... He's been pulled over at like tons of times and if he's, if he's fucking Mystic Meg. he's been pulled over tons time

and I remember it always used to a thing so I remember the last time it happened so before that he would always sign they'd pull him over and he'd just sign sorry I'm deaf and the police would just fucking panic

and let him away and then I went to go see a flat in Kelvin Dale in Glasgow my dad was driving out a seatbelt and the police pulled him over and my dad went sorry I'm deaf and the policeman signed back to me went okay no problem can I see your driving license

and my dad was just like fuck and he just got a 70 quid I think it was. A hundred quid, I can't remember. Can I ask a question? Yeah. Does this mean anything

in sign language? Mitu's just good. No. That's exactly what I was going to say. No. Like audiology. That's why I was asking now. I was wondering whether Mity was just communicating

with all his train. Did you see Tammarine? Did you see Edison, the goalkeeper, did they? No. So the mascot next to him was a girl and he was like shouting to get at attention. He's like, what the fuck?

And the player went, Oh, she's deaf. So we tapped it and, like, signed something to her. I don't know what he said. And you could see, she was four. That's cool. That's cool. But same, like, see when I was a kid,

I didn't know Santa could speak till I was like five. Because, like, the first two times I met Santa, he was played by a deaf guy. So, like, my dad dressed up in Santa, so you would sign to Santa. Oh, that's so cool. And then you went to deaf social called mom and dad used to go to you'd sign to Santa.

And then I remember Santa came in. It was like, P1, Santa came in. And I'm sitting his knee and I'm ready to sign. He goes, what do you want for your Christmas? and I lost my fucking mind. I was like, it's a miracle. Like, genuinely, and then I watch Miracle on 34th Street

and you can fucking sign as well. Oh, that is. That film's fine. It's one of every year, like, Elf will get watched a lot. I say, Muppets Christmas Carol till actual Christmas morning. Miracle on 34th Street,

basically, I just want to watch it to the point where Richard Attenborough signs to the deaf girl. And then I'm like, I'm not, I'm not asked about the rest. Oh, is that? Because it's such a genuine reaction, isn't it?

So she gets told he was going to speak her and do it at this, we dev girl, and then he'd been learning sign language, so he sings our genuine reaction in it. It's the way he's sort of like, positions are a little bit, and then properly does it. Because there's some signing in telly that's

wank, four weddings and a few, yeah, yeah, I didn't realize you're bilingual. Four weddings in a funeral, they do a thing, so is it Hugh Grant's brother's death in it? And every time he signs, Hugh Grant goes, no, that's not what I'm saying, and it's all

worked out so that you'd never need to understand the sign language, you can just work it out from his reactions, which is shite. Because sign language now has never been sexier. Like that film Coda won the best Oscar, every best film. Well, live music's changed now because I don't know if this is a new thing, but there's signers at live.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, like, my cousins are deaf, they went to see I can't remember who it was, imagine dragons or some of that, and then the interpreter was in front of them signing the whole thing. It looks cool as fuck. Yeah, yeah. I hate the performative ones, see when you get like Jay-Z doing it, and they're like, It's like, no one knows what you're doing here. Were you the first comic to have a signer on stage with you on tour?

No, I was the first comic to sign it myself. So I signed a whole tour and done that. People have done it, but I, so the last tour in the tour I've got coming up, I have an interpreter on stage every day. One of the interpreters in Leeds, was it Leeds last year? Hull? Other than Dave, lovely guy. I'd never met before, so I'd just send them my recordings.

They turn up and I do it based in regions. And then he comes at the interval. And he goes, did you hear that? and I was like no and he was like I farted quite loudly on stage and for the last five minutes I wasn't sure if I've shot myself or not

so I'm just gonna go to the toilet I was like you didn't need to tell me any of this but he just goes in so you do live comedy just signed yeah so I've done it so I did my first tour it's on whatever next up's on now ITVX whatever Prime

it was called Death Comedy Fam so I signed the whole show so the first like 10 15 minutes was a voiceover and I signed a long tit so like the first minute of the show I didn't speak, I only signed and I walked out and I just signed I was like, hi, just let you know

if you're deaf, I'm only signing. So if you can look around, all you can see is really panicked hearing people and the deaf people would laugh and then the hearing people would get a bit more uncomfortable and then I would say, oh sorry, I forgot to switch the voice over on and then I would just play that again and then do that and then the second bit of it, I would become my own interpreter so it was like a screen and I was like signing everything

so it was like a script so I would stick to that and then the third part I would sign and speak together because it's a and then now I just get an interpreter on stage gets so much more fun. Like the one I use Karen all the time she's brilliant but I just talk about her two divorces

like stuff like I just slag her off because she's not allowed to speak unless for her job and sometimes because I can sign I'll just sign and the interpreters have to voice it over so I'd be like oh hi my name's Karen

I really fancy Ray like just fuck with them I really I love doing it that is so fun and like because you get regional I remember I was in Hull there's a deaf woman in the front row

and she was like what she was like 80 and it was her first ever comedy show. And I did a sign. I can't remember. She was like, what is that sign? Because deaf people will hekel you. And the worst thing is, I can't, like, if you're hearing, you whispered to each other. If you're deaf, you sign. So I see it. So I can see people going, oh, that was shite. Or like, I need the toilet and all this kind of stuff. Or even worse, a deaf person will heckle you. And I go, right, so sorry, I need to stop. They've said this to me. So I'm

telling the hearing audience. And then the deaf person will deny it. So they're fucking gaslighting me in front of the whole audience. So you get that kind of stuff. But the deaf women in Hull. She was like, what's that sign? And it was arso. So I would do arso like that, like kind of circular finger. Arso, yeah. Arso, yeah. But she was like, no, no, here.

It's like a middle finger in your arso. And I did it. And she was like, no lower. And like, you're staring at me while doing it. I was like, this is fucking uncomfortable, man. Is there any, like, homophones where like it's the same sign for a different word? Yeah, so like, Scotland, this is like arrangement, but can also mean sex. And Australia, that's Coca-Cola.

So, like, various different ones. So you have to get regional ones. My dad's an identical twin and they're both deaths and my uncle lives in England. So I remember when I was a kid I was like crying at his house because I couldn't ask for toast

because I could now if you don't know a word you would just spell it like finger spell it whereas I didn't know that sign so I was like six. But the only way you can tell them apart and I swear I God it's true

my uncle fell off a roof like 30 years ago and he lost the top of his right thumb so if my dad and my uncle are standing next to each other and my uncle's got half a thumb that's the only difference and my dad always says my uncle's got a speech impediment

like cause of that He's just fucking great. Such a good line, man. Oh, that's fucking. He wouldn't, my dad, it's like, I don't,

I don't know if you use must get this when people go, oh, you can use this in your material. So my dad never does that, and he did it recently. And he said, him,

my uncle and that were down in Brighton, flew down, met in the train station. They stayed in this B&B, and they, my dad was like so proud of this. So he's 73 years old, right? And he went,

the women there in the B&B knew some sign language, and she was obsessed with twins. So she was, like, signing a little bit to me and your uncle. so the next morning my dad set an alarm for half six in the morning went down for breakfast by himself

came back up woke my mum up went down for breakfast came back up all that so when my uncle went down for breakfast he couldn't have breakfast because it had been done twice my dad was so fucking proud and then he was like do you have any idea how hard it is to eat cereal when you're hiding your thumb he was like that the whole time he's a fucking legend

that's fucking world class little break time Yes. Yeah. Hey. Do you like comedy? Do you like stand-up comedy and podcast comedy? Do you want to see it live?

Maybe in an arena setting surrounded by thousands and thousands of like-minded people? Oh, well, you're in luck. Especially if you're near the northwest of England, particularly the Liverpool Mergerside area. Saturday the 20th of December, come and celebrate the festive period with the Have a Word podcast.

That's me, Adam Rowe, Dan Nightingale, Carl, and the other ones whose names aren't as important. Finn, Harry and Steve and Jack and Will. Josh. Have a word pod.com for tickets. There's also some on livenation. dot code at UK and also ticket

quarter. If you don't like the tickets still available on Ticketmaster, check ticket quarter. There'll be tickets available that you can purchase. Come with your friends and family. See in the start of the festive period.

Let's have some fun, huh? Also, there's a thing we've booked. Wow. There's a thing we've booked and if you don't go, you're going to be like, I can't believe I wasn't there. So don't miss that.

I think... Carl's getting his bummed all shade. Can we just... Can we say one thing? Because I think a lot of people would expect than something. I'm having a... I've had a lot of messages

because I've said there's... After me and Dan and a special guest. It's not me doing stand-up. Carl is not doing stand-up at the arena. So if you were going to buy tickets to see that, stay at home. I might have just negated the advert of it.

No. But it is someone good. It's someone brilliant in stand-up, yeah? Who's done it more than no times? And there's a thing that we've done... As much as you want... to see that. And you're going to go, this is never

going to happen again. You went there for it, and you call yourself a fan of the pod, you're going to want to be, so. All right. I don't even know what that is. I don't. He's shaving his bum all. Good lad. Anything you want to mention or plug, Ray? I'm on tour. I start February 21st and Inverness called Coda all around the UK and Ireland.

So go to come see that, please, because I need money to go to fucking Mexico, America and Canada for the World Cup. So yeah. You go into all of those countries, yeah. It depends on where the draws on Friday. So by the time this comes out, we'll know where we're going, but we don't know, yeah. While you're in Mexico, just nip over to Argentinian

and do your little Nazi hobby as well? Alleged Nazi hobby. So we'll do that. And then, yeah, I've got a, this is going out this weekend, I've got a special going up on eye player next Friday the 12th called Bald Ginger, so check that out. What's the tour called? Coda, Child of Deaf Adults, CODA.

What's your website? Ray Bradshaw.com. Nice and simple. What's the show called Bald Ginger? Ball Ginger, that's one of them, yeah. So I filmed four specials last year, So one's going to the BBC and the other ones will come out on YouTube the next couple of months.

So one's called Ball Ginger, best year of my life. I can't remember what the other two are called. I really should have thought about that before. I'm actually sad because I was listening to the pod and your hip-pop night, I'm at a wedding because I would fucking love to come to that. Fuck the wedding off. People will get married again. This might be the only one they ever do.

14th of March. Ticket information coming soon. That sounds absolutely. Probably at the arena. But you're in Liverpool the 19th of March. Yes, thank you. Sloss is in Liffbill on the 14th March you might want to come to your hip-hop night after his gig

Nice It's gonna be at the place to be And tickets might go on sale in the arena Have you got my list of places I'm going there? I can read them out quickly I was just on hot water One second Let's see if you can read

Okay I can read I'll do you some like whole music If it's a Scottish place If it's a Scottish place If it's a Scottish accent place Yes please Andvernise Oh that's racist

And Vernet Where else? Sir Michael Lorraine Kelly Where else here? Hello there Portree Is that Sky, yeah, Sky

yeah Stockton Yeah, that's England That's England Yeah Barnard Castle Newcastle Dundee

Aberdeen St Andrews Perth Yeah Melrose Is that Scottish Scottish Melrose

Yeah He's like Missies Doepire Liverpool Coventry Solford Chester Cambridge Birmingham

Mather South End Chelmsford Luton Guildford Winchester Chipping Norton, Glasgow, Norwich, Belfast, Dublin,

Charlie, Leeds, Mainstone. Thank you. That was nice. Rayfladshaw.com. Yeah, uncomfortable, but nice. You're welcome. That's a good podcast, dangling. If you were the president of the fucking walt,

you've been put as the exalted leader of Earth who gets put through some executive order. is push them through. You don't even have to ask. What's your first order of business? First one, easy. If you get caught

letting your dog shit in the street and you don't pick it up, whatever it is, good. You've got two options. Six years in jail. Or no jail time if you eat the dog shit live on telly.

Wow. You don't even get to do it privately. No, you've got to do it on telly. What's this telly show? It's the end of the news. Every day. And then you get the weather, and then you go to dog shit hours on a plate with a knife and four call like on the floor

I mean it's up to you six years and also this would be I mean I've got a small dog it wouldn't but like Jack's got a box yeah yeah he's doing a two courseer that was sad six years six years can you tell that my son stepped in dog shit on the way to school yesterday and it's really annoying I stepped in dog shit three or four days ago on the way back

from the coffee shop by my house and it did ruin a gold, like... Even if you change your shoes, you can still smell it. It's in your fucking head. I remember if you stood in dog shooting when you kid. Nives got used. What? Like stabbing the dog? What?

Like, it was I mean, Nand's not talking dog shit. She'd get a knife. Oh, but a knife. Stab people? What, the dog shit knife? Yeah. Oh, right. I don't know why. I just remember knives being used for dog shit. Don't they freeze it? Who?

Who are these people we're talking about? Isn't it chewing gum and dog shit? Have I made it up? Chewing gum. Don't put shit in the freezer. Oh, yeah. It's not good for the freezing, isn't it? My mum always said.

It's gone off in the freezing, you know? Oh, no, I'm freezing a poo. She'd clean and there's always been a knife involved. But if I saw... It was to get out to the grooves, you're better with a toothbrush. But then don't brush your teeth at after that. If you walk in the dog away in the wilds, is it similar?

We were talking about shitting in the woods. Like, that's fine, isn't it? not have to clean that poo on. Yes, you do. If you're on a countryside walk, yes, you do. Your dog can just have a fucking... Well, if a beer sticks in the shit, it's going to not going to enjoy... A bear probably doesn't pick up his own shit. That's a really bad example, actually. Yeah, that's a really bad example.

This isn't bear shit. Yeah, fucking limit. The bear shit in the woods and no one's there to pick it up. Does anyone ever stand on it? Um... Yeah, no, you still have to pick it off. No matter what, yeah. And if it's human shit, if you shit in the woods when you're on a ramble, you should cover it with leaves and twigs. What so people don't see it when they stand on it?

No, you make a little T.P. So people are like, don't stand on that. It might be a mine. Do you ever listen to what you see? No, literally. It's really not good if we try. That doesn't help things. It slows it down.

Is it some mate? If I see the little TEP, I'd be like either someone's done a muff day or that could be a landmine. And you wouldn't stand on it because someone's made it. Oh, that's cool, isn't it? like a sandcastle shit in a sandcastle

sorry I don't mean of mine I mean one of those fucking ankle traps or beer trap beer trap yeah yeah I'm not falling for that where are you walking Montana I know you rambling

rambling to one stand come on every day where's last thing you did a shit outside so we did this in the first half of the thing was it yeah yeah I nearly had to do one I don't know I nearly had to do one in Langolan

a couple of weeks ago but I made it to the to the cafe Can I try? Plan Gautland. He's not like any fucking high horse after the way he was doing that Scottish accent. I didn't claim to be Scottish.

It's Languolent to me though, in it? I don't say to Spania. I say Spain. You say Chirito though? Chirito. I don't say chorito. Should I say Fajito? I say Fajas.

It's not the Spanish way of saying it. No, they say Pachas. Like I don't put it up fucking stand on it, do I? How did they say it? Like they put a bit of fucking judge on it, don't they? I'm not doing all that shit. Charito fajitas,

jalapinos. Langolans nice. It's not la canios. No. You do say fajitas though. Yeah, fajitas, yeah. I would say fajitas. Because that's the English way of saying

for heases. It's still not right, but that is how we say it. And Langolan is how we say it. Fagitas. It's not how Welsh people say it. They can say it however they like. It's Spain.

It's Paris. Like, I've got my word for it, and it's Langolan. shut up. Slang off. Didn't tell him anything. I had a poo in a building site, about 2018. It was a, I'd just red bulled myself up.

I was on a, I was on a run. It was an evacuation. And I wasn't near woods. So it was either someone's front garden or a building site. And I chose the building site. Did you do a wee TP over there? I did a little tee because I don't think it's a landmine. They'd be like, we're just trying to build something.

Was it? Was it your mate's building site for building his new multi-pound? And it flats. Whoa, get on that. Multi-pound? Multi-pound. You've lost some credibility there. Multi-pound.

In the break there, we told Ray if he could get a bonnet and a more joking. It'd go down well. He's absolutely scuffed. A, I couldn't remember the guy's name. B, I was like, fuck it, I can crew bar one in here. Have you seen that a Charlie Niffles thing? That was me.

Oh, yeah. Well, you couldn't. see either, Jeff, when you were driving home because your glasses were steaming up and you can't see if you haven't got them on. Is that Louis and Kelly? I'd watch that, Suckusat. I love this little diamond airing.

Oh, Charlie. I'm doing a Q&A tomorrow night with Pat and Evan. He seems dead sound. Oh, he's lovely. He's the only football I've ever seen because I do a lot of stuff in football now. He's the only one I've ever seen where it was doing an event. It was in Germany, actually, at the Euro. It's me, him and Colin him come up to me. He's like, how long did we start? I was like 15 minutes. He went cool. I'll go back to the dressroom

and Pat came over and he was like, how long till we start? And I was like, 50 minutes. He goes, I'll go speak to people. And he just walked around speaking to random fans about their time in Germany and all that. He sounded as fuck. So fuck Colin Hendry's the model of that story. Colin Henry came to my mate's 30th birthday.

Did he? Because we saw he was in Glasgow, so he sent my message saying, can you come to my mate's party? And he was like, yeah. So he just rocked up. We got a message to the day. Now I'm worried about Colin Andrew.

That's Scotland, didn't it? You can just get most people. We got a message to the day from Miguel who said it's my boyfriends. 26th birthday coming up he's having a few drinks at a pub in Witness he's your biggest fan in the world I know it's a bit of a long shot but

would you just come and have a drink with him on Saturday the 20th of December I was like if he was our biggest fan in the world he'd be getting the 14 minute train from Witness and coming to the arena and leaving you in fucking witness with his mate. Yeah witness yeah

a mother executive order By the way, that first one's a belter. If you check into A&E on Facebook, you have to pay the full bill like you do in America. That's great.

That's the best one I think maybe we've ever had. I think that should be the thing. What about the Instagram, like just on, picture of like the... Oh, the tag. You're soft launching you've got an arm. Yeah, yeah. Like, oh, maybe. I mean, all the people message you. No, that can be maybe 50%.

But yeah, I fucking. hate that. Oh, here's open, everything goes well, an A&E. But no, just vague posting and all that. So, yeah, 30 grand. Absolutely agree. Yeah, 100%. And also just at a moment there where I realised the audacity of several comedians and podcasts

going, people doing things on the internet for attention. Lossed them up. I don't know why I still have Facebook. I still, still just check it. I have it literally so that I can delete all. all the problematic memories that come up everything.

Yeah, time hope's excellent for that. Yeah, yeah. I remember when you said this 14 years ago? Remember when you called Carl a homophobic slayer because he was laid for footy? Yeah. Someone called me a fat, Rick Waller,

cunt when I'm old flat at least. Isn't Rick Waller or are they fat? Yeah, so it was like double. Oh, that's the issue you've got of this, yeah. It was, uh, I saw that came off on my time hop recently. I was like, ah. Facebook memories should just be called

things you might want to delete. I mean, it's just an archa. I've got some from the listener but you're on a roll here right I want to do this where you get a politician so like say you get like

question time whatever but you combine it with naked attraction so every time they lie it goes up a little bit and let's see if Farage still wants the 150 million you go there in a chase if it's tiny wee bobe's coming out that's what I want as we go up

did you just call it a tiny wee hoagie bobby booby Hogi, Hogi's a fucking big chug. Yeah, a hoggy's a sandwich, in it? I thought you were calling it. I thought that was a Scottish word for coffee. It was going to be the best day of my life. It probably would be.

It should be, yeah. Boby. Get your hoagie out, yeah. And the poo's a joby. Jobby, yeah. Did you just like that sound? Yeah, we're simple, we like that. But yeah, I'd love to see, imagine, like, on questions that you get, I don't know who.

Jacobree Smog. Yeah, Jake, Schmogg. He says a line, you just sees Varick his veins in his shin. And then that's just as it goes up the way. The nudity involved in Trump's presidency would be unreal from the lot of them. I'd love to see his cock, you know. I'd fucking love to see Donald Trump's dick. So years ago, it was a fake picture, but it was before AI,

so I thought it was real. And it's Donald Trump getting a spray tan. And he's just going to look at, I put on Instagram, like, just a knobbed years ago. And two weeks ago, my account got restricted for nudity. for that. And it was that picture. And they were like, we're taking this picture

down. I was like, why is that picture on my fucking Instagram? I just uploaded. I think it was funny. How long ago was it from? 10, 12,

like a long, long, long time. Probably 2016 when he was running. Yeah, yeah. Mad that they've just spotted it now. We are so weird. Someone will have reported it. There will have been someone scrolling. You think it was like a fucking right wing

and he's got a little fucking. Yeah. Have you got a listener one? Have you got any? We've got a few. Stephen Elliott says, executive order. The headline of news articles

should contain all of the information. If Christina Aguilera has battered a ticket out to death with a dildo, then say that. Don't say, Genie in a battle, 90s pop star loses it. That's good. I don't think this person knows what a headline is.

Genie in a battle is good, though. No more headlines, articles only. I think he thought of that while listening to the song and wrote the question backwards. Can we all agree, though? Genie in a battle is excellent. that is excellent there's bad ones when people die like and it's like an extra from Harry Potter

and it's like Harry Potter star dies in tragic accident and it's like goblin who was like the first one in Greengots I announced the wrong person who died on the radio a few weeks ago that was pretty bad who did you announce live on Radio Scotland I can't remember which way around it was it was an old football scout

and I said his it was either his brother his son had died and then we got a text into the show and like oh you've got the wrong name because it was in the news that morning. That was pretty bad. That was a low point. It's just not that big of a deal, is it.

If he's fucking listening, it is for him. It is to the family. Yeah. Is it, though? No, I suppose it's good news. Yeah, they're alive. He's no dead.

Yeah. He's no finished. He's 28. So if your dad died and they announced on the radio, you died, you'd be all fuming. That's probably how I'd find out. I got sent a joke today.

And I ignored it. because it's awful and shit and then he messes me on Twitch when I was streaming saying please read my joke out so I'm going to read that out Hi Carl my message has just come up with a great line

and I'm sure there's a bit in there this would be great in the arena so listen closely it would fit you perfect the punch line is black toes intolerant which rhymes with lactose so you could say something like I love black people me

there's just something about their feet I think I'm black toes intolerant but then if you're intolerant to them you wouldn't love them there's bigger issues with the joke right yeah the problem in that's solar people is they like the milk

but I'm also in my head I'm like would that work in sign language let's have a thing let's see yeah Joe Glasgow says fuck off fucking joy

he's like Kevin Lazzania Joey Glasgow he's from Melrose says Executive Order Get batteries to fuck Oh he's so Scottish Get batteries to fuck AAA, AAA

The shitty disc ones Especially for children's toys It's nearly 2026 Everything needs to come With a USBC port and be rechargeable I just got my son A Lego train

And the cunting train needs 10 AAA batteries To fucking go Only exceptions are watches Power Tools and card Where's this train You have the two Card

Ten AAA batteries What's card? Your powered a fucking fourpondeau intentionally batteries. Card. Wait, what, yeah? He's so angry, but I agree with him. Battery cards. No, cars.

Cars. I prefer battery-powered stuff to rechargeable. Why? Why? Because the, finding the wire is so much harder than just going and buying batteries. No, it's all C, no... Yeah, that's why he's saying everything's C. There's no proprietary anymore that's stopped it.

Do you know the only thing that's not C? You know, the only thing that's not C is... Love honey? Is everything. Love honey. X toys are this like little wire. It's old it's old USB

Oh my God, it's like... But don't let that put you off buying anything with our promo code. No, it's really handy but if you you know someone's getting a bit kinky if like next to the bed I've got like a multi-plug and I've got the USBC

and the fucking little mini one and it goes through the latex so it's waterproof. Too much information. Fen just nod. No, Steve, Steve went, tell him it's because it's waterproof.

So it's waterproof. So she can squirt on it. So she can piss all over it. Yeah, so Laura can squirt and piss on it. That's what, that's what she'll have wanted to get that across. Genuinely,

get on Love Honey. They're fucking class. And you can't charge anything else. It's just your private dirty little charger. Um, I think I agree. Batteries can get in the fucking, there's such a waste.

I kind of like batteries. No, I hate, you're always one short. You're always one short. You're always one short. Buy one more than you need. Zach Booth says, last one, I've got an executive order of you.

Make disabled spaces free to use for everyone, but you make it a gamble. If a blue badge holder turns up and there's no spaces left, they are illegally allowed to smash up any cars that don't have a blue badge or dub them in for a five grand fine. Five grand.

Jesus. So you can park there right now. next to the front of the shop. You all actually reacted worse to five grand finally. You did six years in jail from me earlier, which is interesting.

Do you not reckon there'd be like some disabled vigilantes going out and purposely? That's what the crutches are for. Straight away, windscreen, get it done. No, I think that's maybe...

I can't think of any. Just keep it the way it is. You don't need to park in the disabled space, do you? There's always other spaces. No, you're right. I tell you what, though. Tell you what?

If I ever get somewhere, and there's like 10 disabled spaces and they're all empty and I'm going in for less than half an hour it's going in there. No, is it? Yeah, because what are the fucking odds that 10 disabled people are 10 while?

It just doesn't happen, does it? Yeah, 2 a.m. Tesco. What about if a disabled five-a-side game finished just around the corner? I don't think there's many of them going on near the Mosley Hill Tesco at 2 o'clock in the morning. That's what floodlights are for.

I have to say certain hours of the day because I, it's been done a load here, parent and child parking, in the middle of the afternoon, it just makes it easier. Having children isn't a disability? Yeah, I know, but when you've got a kid, when you've got a kid that is fucking suicidal,

like he will just walk around, being close to the shop helps. One day. So you get them in the car seat that door. One day, you might sort of empathize, I don't know, but for now you don't. But after 11 p.m., who gives a fuck? You can't, anyone can park in that spot.

I've got no respect for parent and child parking. come my way. I've got no respect for it. Also, it doesn't say parent and child. It's just got a picture of someone taller than someone else. And if I'm with me bed, I'm like, she's smaller than me. This is for us. My dad made me make me parking parent and child when I was giving him a lift recently. He was like, still

parent and child, didn't me? And I was like, yeah, I'm 30-scentive. Another ignorant question, would your parents get a blue badge? They don't get one. No, no, because it's all about mobility. So they don't get a blue badge. Yeah, they just walk. It doesn't make it, yeah. They're made a process at a shop. You park in the disabled spaces more than they do,

which... But if his dad ever goes to a festival, he gets to stand near the bass bin. Yeah. I would fucking love to watch that. So much. It'd be amazing if your 73-year-old dad just got into drum and bass.

He would, like, no my dad for a laugh. He would bring his own headphones. Like, just for a laugh. So people think he has listened to it. He just calls it bass. Ray Bradshaw.com for Ray Bradshaw's tour tickets.

Have a weird pod.com for have a word of reading the tickets. Adamrow.com. It's adamsrodo. If you want to come and see Mina. autumn tickets are flying out. However, what I will say is some people have messaged to me and said, like, oh, there's not loads of tickets left in, like the stalls

or whatever, Hackney Empire. I think all the stalls are sold out anyway. The links on my website, link to the Live Nation page. If you check with the individual venue websites as well, there is still some good tickets available in a lot of places. Mine and Carl's hip-hop night is on the 14th

March in Liverpool, in the Baltic area. We will release the tickets in the next week. I think we released three. about the arena? I think we'll have released them in the next week or so. Ish. I think if you have to read

you get first come first. You've got the date. Put the date in your diaries, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. There you go. 20th and release, but you know a certain time.

DJ Carl Regler, DJ me and DJ Ishan Akbar. There's some fucking song. Yeah, we've got a charity Christmas single this week. Oh, okay. From... It's bandied. A group called idolize,

and it's raising money. for the Walton Centre charity and it's their tune called Next Christmas You'll Be Home The lad said Is the Walton Centre the place where the brain place? Mently old people go?

No, it's the brain hospital. The brain hospital? Yeah, so it's a good course. If you can buy... Is the song like Army Dad's in the hospital but next Christmas they'll be home? No, I think it's kids in there probably. Just go and buy the single

if you can. Or stream it? Can you stream it? We've said this low. buy-in is equal to a thousand streams. So if you pay 99p, it's a thousand streams, and it helps them a lot more. There you go.

It's a good cough. Yeah. Found a little landmine of our own there at the end, didn't we? Thanks, Ryan. We put it. Thanks, Goet. Thank you, dear four. I wish upon that stuff,

the next year we'll have changed. We'll go back to who we are. And it will be the same The same as every other Christmas every night Next Christmas you'll be home Twelve most sounds so far When you're feeling every day

But those nights pass one by one And one day you won't have to wait We won't be waiting any longer It will want me longer gone Next Christmas you'll be home And it won't feel like Christmas without you here with us so we'll wait for next year

I wish that you're I wish that you're still that you're still holding strong I guess that time keeps moving on we've always

know to hold to hold a pie you'll see you'll see the high you'll see the high street overflow you'll see last orders come and go you'll see the christmas lights past midnight glow next christmas you'll be home when days are dark and nights ago you'll have the end of chair we hold

you'll be the part that's missing tomorrow next christmas you'll be home when christmas is more magical we'll look back on that miracle next year you'll be the person you'll be the person we all know the place we all know next Christmas you'll be home