Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #359 with Jimmy Carr - Have A Word w/Adam, Dan & Carl

Episode Date: December 15, 2025

Tickets for the ARENA SHOW, merch and loads more available on our website! https://haveawordpod.comTickets for Have A Word Live shows as well as Adam and Dan's tours and previews:Adam's Tickets: https://www.adamrowe.comDan's Tickets: https://dannightingale.comCarl's Stream || https://twitch.tv/senseicarl_Finn's Music & Tickets: https://finnlayk.co.ukAs Adam and Dan said, don't miss out on all of our extra content, we've got one of the best value Patreons in the game. An extra 90+ minute episode every week plus loads of bonus content such as the now infamous Lockdown Lock-ins, the Nashville & Amsterdam specials and our Ghost Hunts! What are you waiting for? Sign up now at https://patreon.com/haveawordpod​Get subscribed to Have A Word Highlights: https://youtube.com/haveawordhighlightsThanks to this week's sponsors:Manscaped | https://manscaped.com20% off with promo code: WORD20NordVPN | https://nordvpn.com/haveawordEXCLUSIVE NordVPN Deal ➼ https://nordvpn.com/haveaword Try it risk-free now with a 30-day money-back guaranteeADAM ROWE and DAN NIGHTINGALE are two award winning comedians from Liverpool & Preston, respectively. They are two of the UK's most highly regarded stand-ups and have both performed all over the world. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello everyone, welcome to this episode of the Have a Word podcast, and my God, Carl, it's a good one. We're sat on the couch for starters, mate. I know, because I'm feeling very festivey. Festivy, that's a word. Festivus is coming. It's Christmas, just around the corner. This is when we're starting to do Christmas presents. Have you started yet?

I haven't started yet, but I've thought about starting, do you know what I mean? Yeah, I'm starting to think about starting. Yeah. And if you're the same and you're a lid or if you know a lid or if you love a lid, You want to get them a nice... Such a good gift. Have a word, Christmas jumper. Such a good gift.

Paulints, Navidad. You can go with the red, the Paulints. Yeah, it's like, if you're not willing and you're loving it, it's such a good, like, it's such a nice thing to give them. And if I was going to wear a Christmas jumper then, and I'll wear them when I'd be wearing it, brother. December 20th, the Haverward Arena Show, our second ever arena show. It's bigger, it's better.

It's an extravaganza of everything. Have a word. It's a Mardi Gras of fun. You'd look good in one of these. Just imagine the sea of red and blue, the city of Liverpool, split, red and blue. But it's not Liverpool and Everton. It's Wallace and Paul Inns.

What side are you? Are you excited about the arena? I genuinely, up until this is a bit of a fourth war, but we had a meeting last week. I was a bit nervous. Now, I am so excited. This shit we've got planned. It's going to blow your socks off.

We know how good it's going to be. We want you to be there. There's a few hundred tickets left. Don't miss out. We want to cram it full of. the lid army. Have a wordpod.com for all your Christmas jumpers. Havewordpod.com for all your arena tickets. And enjoy the episode because it's going to be. It's just a hub of have a word. Have a word. Everything have a word. And the episode, Dan, we've already filmed it. It was a belter.

Nice. Wagwaglids, you're listening to the funniest podcast in the game from the heart of Liverpool with Adam, Dan, Sensei Carl and Finn. This is the one. one and only have a word. This episode is brought to you by NordVPN, the very best in protecting your online activity. Go, Ed, get on me. Oh, hello, hello, hello.

How are we? Good. I want to wish good luck to Philip Rivers of the Indianapolis Cults, who has come out of five years of retirement and is going to probably be the starting quarterback for the Indianapolis Cults this Sunday at the the ripe old age of 44 years old. Why has he done that? Because they're absolutely desperate, loads of injuries.

Daniel Jones has done his Achilles. Daniel Jones. He's out. DJ? Big DJ. Well, that's my fucking fantasy team in the bin. Indiana Jones. Great nickname.

44 and going to play QB and the NFL. That's fine because Tom Brady. He was 45, but he kept doing it. To just to come. Off your couch. He's Paul Skulls in it. To come off your couch is wild. Yeah, but like, it's like riding a bike, in it.

You know, I'll never forget. It'd be fucking... Is he still fit? Oh, he's gorgeous. Yeah? Yeah. It's got 10 kids. Has he?

He's a granddad. I'm not even messing with granddad's a quarter of a while. You're playing against a QB. Who are you playing against? That's a great question, and I think it's the Seattle Seahawks who are riding high in the NFC. Is he going to play the rest of the season? NFL, done.

Looks like. And are they in with a shout to the playoffs? They started brilliantly, looked like like one of the

Super Bowl favorites. Wheels are coming off. But they could. Yeah? They're in the AFC South. Imagine if he wins the Super Bowl. Imagine turning up

second week of December and winning comeback player of the year, which is an award that they give out. That'd be class. 44. Brother's going to die

and he can't move and he could never move. They must be paying him a little bit of money for that. Oh, they're going to do a little a little bit of money for that.

Take a good $8 million, 10 maybe. What would be the equivalent to that in the UK? Like, if he won the Super Bowl, would that be like, I don't know, John Arton coming back and winning Aston Villa, the Champions League? Wow. Whoa.

I think that's a bit bigger. An emergency loan signing of John Arson, who is thickened up, respectfully. John Arton has to qualify them first. No, they're in the championship. Oh, yeah, of course. No, they're not. No, they're not. They're in the Europa, aren't they?

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, that's Newcastle. Newcastle, yeah. They're in the Champions League, then. Fucking hell, John Hartsonson. Let him in. Did you see Trump get his

Peace Award from FIFA? Yeah. In one of the most cynical grubby. I mean, FIFA are fucking grubbing. Whatever his name is, fucking Infinity War, Georgia Infinity War. What's his name? Georgia Infinity Wood.

Heid Fantino. He's a gobsh shite him, and he's just a, fucking, like, he's blatantly brazenly going, I'm the boss of FIFA, so I get to just fucking gives a bit of money, gives a bit of that, I'll have fucking all that. You get a little, like, a medal here, your big orange bollocks, what? But he was meant to be, Seth Blatter was the, what do they call it?

Evil. High Empress, what do they call it? Yeah, President. President for year, and he was the dodgiest cunt ever. Infantino's meant to be the new guy going, hey, I'm not like that. Come on, he was a bad dude. Ah, you know, it's fine. It's a, be careful what you wish for situation, isn't it?

Oh, you thought he was corrupt. Well, how about this? I'll do it in front of you. I wish for them, Fantino as well. I'm an idiot. People just want to blatter gone. They were like, well, I'm fucking, yeah, get him. Get him.

Yeah, fucking that fucking Dr. Evil looking cunton. Let's see if he's any better. Turns out, no. Don't Saudi Arabia own, like, 90% of FIFA now or something? I reckon you've read. What? That's what I saw. Some of Collins facts are wild.

I heard isn't a fact. I love how, like, stuff on the internet is so unchecked now and every account that wants to be verified is verified because they can just pay for it

so I don't know whether you've seen the trend this week of like there's like right wingers not like Mouse Aller like political right wingers in the UK are turning up to Tesco

in like England book of that's and shit filming themselves going to the Christmas aisle and kicking off because the word Christmas isn't written on the box of the Christmas trees

holiday isn't it no it just says like evergreen fair tree but this has actually always been the case like some of them have Christmas tree written on or whatever but there's loads of comments you can now comment pictures and people are being like

my mum's out of tree since the late 80s and it just says holiday fair tree it's just never been anything till now and you're just a bit also you've got to walk past all of the extra signage that's like Merry Christmas and happy like it's so Christmas

kicking off all like Tesco workers being like oh it's a disgrace this this used to be a Christian country and now they're all Muslimic trees That's what it is. All these Jewie mussy trees, mate. Wow. Can't say Merry Christmas anymore.

Well, at least we've unified the Jews and the Muslims. You know, what's you saying? You've got to kiss Allah on the lips. Yeah. To kiss Allah on the lips and say, happy Hanukkah. Yeah. Which he hates. Sadiq's London, mate.

Yeah, well, yeah, you are massively right-wing and angry. Are we on your side? It's hard to tell. I mean, we're not, but, you know. Oh, I'd like to take this moment in the podcast to publicly apologize to my girlfriend because this morning, I used the towel that was designated for her hair to clean my mouth after it brushed my teeth. You click what?

That's bang out of order. Oh, not in the mouth. You're not drying your mouth. Just around your face. You have like a bit of toothpaste. You swill it and you wipe it with a towel. Well, there was a towel on the back of the bathroom door. And I got a very angry message from her before she was like, can you stop using my hair towel to

wipe your mouth when the mouth towel is right next to me. We have never once had a conversation about which is the mouth tile and whether, like, and also there's so many tiles in our house. We could sell 10 of them every day for the rest of the year and we'd still have tiles left. I know they kept near the towel that you used erroneously. This tile was just the only towel hung on the back of the door. That's the current communal bathroom. But hey, that's right forth.

I'm, you know, I apologize. I apologize. I used the hair towel. when the mouth towel was right next to her. I don't believe you. Have I ever been told about the mouth towel? No. I've ever been told there's a designated towel for mouths in our house.

No, but I should have figured that out, you know? I should not have used her hair towel, and I knew it was a hair towel, because three days ago she used this to dry an air, and I should have made a note, oh, the purple one is the hair towel. Don't use that for me mouth for the next few weeks until it's been washed and put away again

and then becomes the mouth towel, you know? They're not color coded. There's no, like, rhyme or reason to it. I should have just fucking known that today, that one on the back of the door was a hair towel and not a mouth towel and Vanguard of all there. I'm such a bad boyfriend.

Is it a special type of fabric that is good for her? No, or is it just the towel? Yeah, all right, okay. These toll me off for using, apparently we're not allowed to use the tea towels to dry the dishes anymore. Oh, they're called then? Exactly, yeah, apparently they're just

for picking plates up when they're off. What? What? You're not meant to use them for that? They're not thick enough for that? You meant to get a glove for that? Or like one of these? Hang on, no. When you're plates or not?

Why are you played to that? Because I went to, Tesco, when she was cooking last night, she had to put them in the oven. So then the plates rot. So then she... Hey, that's good. Warming the plates before a meal.

I would not take any of the oven with the teetal. If you're all just, one and five seconds, you're going to burn your finger. You fold them, don't you? Or you just get a glove? Also...

You're not got oven gloves? We've seen you try and carry out any everyday tasks. Oh, I wasn't allowed to carry the plates. It was early carried the plates. I carried the knife and forks. So what, how did you dry your... Three people died.

So I tried them. the T-tile when she's not there, but when she's there, allegedly. I dry them with, we have to dry them with, um, kitchen roll. Wow. A millionaire those old, is it? I know. Well, she doesn't even buy a good kitchen roll. I mean, why is that fucking

Whitefellow's house? Why, why are we drying crockery anyway? Just use 50 pound notes next time, leave them in the bin. It just dries. Just leave it there. It dries. Fuck the environment, yeah. No, because it doesn't, because I've started doing that. It 100% does. I don't wash it probably. It's streaky though, can it? Yeah.

You give a fuck about streak. No, I've got over a thousand days of doing, you know me? Can we just focus on the fact that Ellie thinks you. Does she think you own this company? Is that what she thinks? You're like, that is a bit... That is wild.

It's also fucking, like, it's just so inefficient and stupid. But then at the same time, because she buys like 100 packs of Pepsi Max, so our fridge is just entirely Pepsi Max. And I'll drink three quarters of it and leave it. And then one time I came back and she was like, your third of her Pepsi Max is in the fridge. That you've got to finish.

It's just nice of it They've been moved in a month and there's already issues Yeah, but this is typical The bit is still in the fucking cupboard mate By the way, those fucking The little dregs of a can

Just fucking throw it on the floor I'm like, you're happy now No, she won't be though Was she? No, she won't but she'll learn She should just put it in the bin She'd be more happy And then it would end up on the floor

She'd be happy if it's just there They're on the floor Put it in a face Drism it all over a plate I'd be like how do you want me to try that Tea towel? Not a problem of...

Sounds like a fucking nightmare that, mate. Sorry about that. How many cans she got in the fridge? They have for a lot. I've seen it. Do you want us to design

your new hinge profile? I reckon we could do that because this is leaving like, oh, you've got to have that last bit of drink? Have I? Have I really? No, I haven't

because there's fucking 700 cans of it, isn't it? It's a little bit. You want me to have flat Coke? What? Because you're in a fucking mood again. Tell us a fuck off. Mate, big man.

Big man, just apologise for a towel. drying dishes with an individual it is my like that you do wine glasses yeah because otherwise the wine glasses get dirty you need something that you can just I get that you don't dry wine glasses very often

not using a teetal for its only fucking purpose and there's loads of them and I brought a nice one back from Bodrum we have but they're not they've not got thumbs what I mean they like the how do you can have any to them

that is insane they have a thumbs in them No, they haven't. No, they don't. They're like... Oh, it's the... Oh, yeah. You did one, I'm like...

I can't, like, grab, do I mean? What do you think they're full? Um, I'd do them to... Well, so the previous tenants took most of the grates out of the oven, so we only have one oven grate. Fucking art. You're taking the piss now. They are on my life.

So, um, yeah. So I use it to, I move that out. Because we... Dancy's no huge. human and Harry's Traceousetrivation, you know. You just get to be here. Can we buy you some oven gloves and some oven grates for Christmas? Absolutely painful.

Yeah. Oven grates would be, I don't know where you even buy oven grates. Amazon, sell everything. Because we had to cook, we had two pizzas, and I put mine in the oven, and she was like, put mine in the air fryer, and I put her pizza on the air fryer, but I put her pizza on the air friday on, like, max crisp. Yeah, it was 240 or something. Max crisp, yeah.

And after five minutes, I love. looked and it was black and she was like, what was he done to be pizza? So I had to run to Tesco and come back and make her a new pizza. You didn't give her your pizza? No, because she didn't want my pizza. I had goat's cheese on it.

She was like, I wanted that barbecue chicken one. So I had to go, I went to Tesco and bought, the same Tesco we just bought the pizzas from and bought a pizza and some flowers so it looked like I'd like, I'd don't know, ran someone over or something. Oh, sorry? Who?

In my head, I was like, what don't need the flowers for? Hey, I am, me? Can I have some flowers on a pizza, please? I've just ran Papa John over. Also, Harry, you don't get them flowers and you've done something wrong because then they attribute it to bad things.

Yeah, but I was... You're training them like a dog. Yeah, but she was... Yes? No. It's naturally... If you gave someone something when you've done something bad,

they attribute it you being a dickhead rather than being a nice person. Yeah, only bad in flowers when you make them come. Yeah? Like a magician. Get them flowers for no reason. Get them flowers for like,

I've got you some lovely flap. It's just like, oh, that's good rather than... You get them flowers. Either to cheer them up if they're just having a rough time. or for a celebration reason, or for no reason, you do not. You don't get them flowers when you've fucked up

because the next time you get them flowers, you'd be like, oh, remember that time you used to see so. Yeah, but every time she gets flowers, she'll think, ah, pizza. Like, that's a good thing to think about, isn't it? Hey, are, babe. I know, yeah, I've been hard time. Not sure that association's going to be strong enough.

Is it? Really? Oh, Peter. To be fair, to the air fry situation, it's, is that one of the first times you're using... Is it in the... Wild. Yeah, so we've...

So, we've... So we thought it was, so Ely's mom bought us the air fryer and it's great, but it's, we were like, we'll get the two, yeah,

because I'm veggie or whatever, but it can't, it means that you just have to cook half of it. So I just burn the pizza twice and two hours. No, you click match and you choose two different settings. Oh, that's probably why.

I mean, they were both burnt, like, they were both like. Yeah, because you had them both on 240. I asked if she still wanted it with like dip and she said no.

Um, but, yeah, and she's hanged, like, angry as well. All women get hungry. I do?

No, but Ginger's get mega hungry. She says that. They feel pain more, don't they? No, I think Ginger's just really like to exaggerate. Ginger's feel pain more? Yeah. Apparently, yeah. Especially early when she's...

Apparently, they feel hunger more. I think Ginger's just like feeling like their difference so they just say all this shit. Is this a thing? Yeah. Why? Have they got more pain receptors as well? I'm more sensitive, aren't they? Like, thinner skin?

Listen, I've not done the research. It's not my PhD. but apparently gingers feel pain more I've done the hungry one hungry one's not true let's see pain I've heard the pain one before yeah pain one's true that's mad I never do that food is incorrect

if she has hunger pains you'd think they'd have a better pain tolerance from getting battered at school you're tired all the time yeah thicker skin of anything you know we can make these jokes because I have a ginger child you know my least favorite one I'm not racist

I'm a ginger child yeah you need to be careful with Max Crisp like you put it in fine and then a two seconds comes later, it's on fire. Honestly, airfying like he sounded like he was on top gear back in the day.

Max Chris! Sounds like a South End fullback. Um, yeah. Don't fuck with Max Chris, bro. When you're massed the air fryer though, you'll barely look at your oven unless you cook on like a full roast. Yeah, well, we've been,

we do chips, great, I can do that. Sesame seeds. You can do that? What? Sesame seeds? Yeah. Well, we do it. Air frying your sesame seeds.

Babe, put the sesame seeds in the airth we didn't realize they were sesame seeds on the chip. They wouldn't exist. You burn them. Go and get me more seeds. But they're burnt. It's, It's not bad.

I mean, it's black, like. Nothing wrong with that. I don't have it again, nothing wrong with that. What are your air-frying sesame seeds for? Because they were on the chips. What? What's going on? Like pre-made?

I think so. I don't know. I only put them in. I just pressed the button. What? Hang on. Sorry. You having sesame chips?

Yeah, we had sesame chips, I think. It's the driest thing I've ever named me in life? No, Sesame's boss. We had, like, cheese on them than that. This is getting more weird. Cheesey, like loaded fries yeah but the we didn't per-loaded bit of cheese bit of sesame seeds oh that was it oh no I'm balsamic glaze but I have that with everything

is she pregnant yeah that's the maddest fucking thing I've ever heard in my entire life we had noodles with peanut butter last night as well she's pregnant mate she's got that fucking thing that women get where they get pregnant and they start wanting to scrand fucking you know extension leads and that baby you put the extension lead and yeah you're burning essential lead did Laura any of that? Yeah, yeah, yeah, multi-plugs. You're spot on. What did she crave? No, I don't think. I don't think she got away with the cravings.

I've heard some wild things. It's like usually pickled stuff, isn't it? My one wanted Cole, not Joe Cole, or Andy, Ashley. Ashley, or Cole Palmer. Or Cheryl. Or anyone with the name, Cole. She wanted to eat Cole. That's not on, that's not an unusual one. Isn't it? No, I don't think that she's, yeah, I think that. I don't know where that comes from. My mum's mate craved burning rubber.

She hit Vin Diesel? Yeah, she's the fastest of yours, real. Yeah, the smell of burning rubber was like... Laura craved wearing rubber. We went through a pretty strong BDSM. You should have a little period. Nice. Caldome.

Nice. My mind, like, got like mad cravings. I think it was like Big Macs with milkshakes on and shit. I've got them all the time. Are you pregnant? Isn't that what you eat? What's the most common cravings? I don't know, but I've seen that

the Cole one is called Pika. It's a common thing. Oh, is it common? Oh, right. It's called Pika. All right, too, yeah. Girkins. I wonder if you...

Paul Gherkins. I wonder if you can crave something if you don't know about it. Do I mean? Yeah, don't you mean. Like, would your Mar have craved Cole if no one had ever told her what Cole was? Or she'd have just been there like,

I don't know what I fancy. But it's black. It's just like, not again um fin most common pregnancy in at 10 is meat eggs and protein

right I am pregnant as fuck right Lord's trying to get me pregnant at the moment meat eggs and protein meat and acidic or spicy foods you're not meant to do that though

because it burns the baby. Jewish food. Sorry, say that again. That is something, you're not meant to. You're not meant to have curry, are you? Because it makes the baby, like, do bad farts or something in your stomach. Like, everything you have goes through. It's like if you...

No, it doesn't eat it. Everything you have goes into your blood system and, you know, through the placenta. Is there no spice? Do you... If you have a naga, if you have a naga curry, surely the baby feels some of that heat. Yeah, that... Got a bit of flavor. Because it comes out in the breast milk as well.

That's some spastic breast milk. You get nagger breast milk? Wow. What? You need some milk after that to like get rid of the spice? From the other nipple. Oh, nice. Yeah, what were you going to say?

Do you think that the food that you eat is like split off? Like part of it goes to the baby and part of it goes to... It absorbs in the stomach, doesn't it? And then goes into the womb. Yeah, yeah. Right. So when the woman eats the curry and it goes into the... the stomach, they take, their body takes the nutrients out of it, the calories, the carbs, the

fats, the proteins. And they, and they take it. They take it and that gets delivered to their baby. It's not like the stomach goes rice. That's enough for you, Linda. Send that madden that. Like, it doesn't work. Yeah, but if...

You got any bloody down by then? Half the papa, don't. If Linda had a shandy... If Linda had a shandy... If Linda had a shandy... The alcohol would also go through, wouldn't it? Because it's hit her blood. That's why Sydney Sweeney looks like she does.

Because alcohol is like a component of a beer. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. The way like protein is a component of a madras. Yeah. And Chili's a component of the curry. The baby's not there going, oh, Fosters.

Like the baby's just getting alcohol poisoning. Yeah. Sydney Sweeney's mum drank fosters during pregnancy. Apparently has got, um, what is it, the fetal alcohols? Yeah, you can fucking tell him. Oh, shut up.

It honestly bothers me this. Like more. than any. If she's got that day. She might be the most beautiful woman of all time. She's the goat. I'd love to go through your date in history

and compare Sydney Sweenan to every woman you've ever fucked, you know. Yeah. She'd be... Yeah. Top. Top.

Yeah, exactly. Top 25%. Maybe. If she's lucky. She's looking in. Pig, isn't she that? Well, we're not allowed to like her anymore, are we?

Why? Isn't she, like, in the KKK or something? Yeah. No, she wore jeans once. No, but she wore racist jeans No, she didn't. They just called American Eagle and was like, oh, they've said jeans

and they mean jeans with a G, which means supremacy. Absolute perfect market and strategy for American Eagle. Like, she's backtracking a little bit now because, like, she's getting a lot of shit consistently. American Eagles stock, like, quadrupled.

Yeah. They just started selling loads more jeans. They were about to collapse and they were like, let's just get it. It's also not her fault with the syndrome she's got, is it? I didn't know. She'd had a couple of hills.

Uncle fungus? Bernie? Oh, the last dandelion of the season. I think if Sidney's when he was in this room, you'd come immediately. Like, it would be embarrassing. I'd be like, wow. How is she here?

Come in me. She's so beautiful. I'm here, Sidney. I'm here. Look at me. Do you reckon if she kissed you, you'd get an erection? I'd reckon if she breathed near me.

If I'd cheated on Laura with... No, she kissed you. Sidney, she, like, jumped on your mind. Oh, so she sexually assaults me? No, she just kiss your own cheek. That's not cheating. Exactly. I'm saying, would you get an erection?

Oh, I just... No, not at all. I would. Not at all. Because she's a fucking bank average woman. I could get a kiss on the street from a much more attractive woman. Anyway.

You still get an erection, though. Kiss is a kiss. Get an erection from a kiss on the cheek. What are you doing when you went around to your nans? Getting hard. My name's a beautiful woman. I feel exactly the same as when people say, like, Paul Scholes was better than Stephen Gerard.

That's, that's, it's the same emotion. Sydney Sweeney could have a three and same. Both are they fitter than Sydney Sweeney is, huh? Stephen. Lovely figure. Rather bang my a jammer. That sounds like. Same of the most beautiful women on the play.

Oh, another of them. Top two. Jason's second. That was the Sydney-Sweeney section. What have you got on between now and we should do a final plug? This is the episode that goes out just before it. And I don't think you should buy any fucking tickets.

No, Carl, tickets available. There's just been some released. We are down to the very last few tickets. Don't discourage sales. 80 left, I think. Yes. Good seats as well. Ticketquarter.com.com.

Have a word live at the arena. Today's guest, Jimmy Carr, is doing the arena tonight. Like, that's why we've got them in. We just book Arena Comics now. If you're a Jimmy fan, you know, maybe you're watching for Jimmy, come and see us in Liverpool next week. We're better than him. Take a Quarza.com.

At UK, we are. We're well better. We're bigger as well. Massive. We've got bigger willies combined. What are you doing between now and then? Are you warming up? I can't, like, I don't know how you are,

but the arena is looming so large. Yeah. Like every day, it's one, it's so massive that you're, It's every day is like just getting close to the arena. I can't sort of see Christmas. You know, you get that thing where I know Christmas is right after it. It's like the arena is in the way of Christmas.

Yeah, it feels like that. I am warming up. I'm at the frog this week. I'm at the, I'm at hot water doing a gig next week. But I want to go into it chilled. My set's fine. It's flying.

It doesn't need to be added to. I just want to get into it like as relaxed and excited as I am now. I don't want anything to rev me up or knacker me out before that because everything's lining up beautifully for Saturday the 20th and I know what we've done behind the scenes I know what Harry and Will have done

and Stee everyone is working to make this an exceptional night and I want all of us to get into it just on best form and I feel like the next week or so I get to train a few times I get to gig a few times

I'm looking forward to it true yeah that's me training looking like Sydney sweaning I'm gig him right up until Sunday this week. I've got... Oh, how's the Christmas run at Hot Waterbin?

Sound? Yeah? It's Christmas. Every night. Wednesday through Sunday I've been doing, but I'm not doing this Sunday. I'm doing laughs for kids in Newcastle. If you're watching this on Early Access, there is some tickets left for that, laughs for kids in Newcastle. Is that the arena? Yeah. We only do aren't.

Yeah, I'm just an arena guy, you know what I mean? Can't be at house or anything smaller than I. And I'll be at Hot Water Comedy Club tonight in the small room. It's been good Obviously Christmas gigs can be a mixed bag You have work parties in You have people who aren't really ask for the show There hasn't been much of that

It's been quite good The venue's so busy Like the black stock market Is so busy with people I've been arriving Pretty much as I'm about to go on stage And I walk off stage And out the door and into my car

Best thing I worked out Is that you could get to the dressing room By quickly going past the whiskey bar And up those stairs I only worked that out about a month ago. I've been going through the main food court and up the stairs. It's such a cool little, like, Georgesne. I was there maybe a month ago

when there was rugby league at the Hill Dicco. And they all just got dropped out. It felt like everyone that was going to see the rugby league got dropped off at Blackstock because it's a comedy club. It's several comedy clubs and a massive food court and bar, and nightclub, essentially, yeah. Jeez.

But after that, I've got next week off before the arena, apart from coming in touchy fucking people, you know? And I think I'm just going to go down to London for a day or two and just, I want to get an outfit for the arena. When are you going? What? When are you going to London? Maybe Tuesday. Oh.

Why? When are you going? No, I'm not going London next week, but I just wondered when you were going. Tuesday? Nice. When are we recording? Monday and Wednesday? Oh, nice. And Thursday.

Oh, shit. Oh, yeah. All right, cool. What are you going to London for? London. London? Oh, fucking outfit shopping. Yeah.

Oh, nice. I just go and treat myself to a new top. You deserve it. You're going to London for a new top. You've been wearing the same old rags for ages. It's about the time you started thinking about what you're wearing. Am I going and get a new top for the arena, you know, just to treat myself? And I might just, uh, I might try and get either the last train or almost.

stay over and get the first train back for the record and just do a few sets at the clubs maybe down there. I don't know. I haven't decided yet. I haven't done top secret yet. But I went to see Ishan's special. Yeah. And it's a cool comedy club.

Yeah, yeah. Like, it's a really well done. Like, I like that room. Which one was it? The one in Covent Garden. They're both in Covent Garden, really, though. Oh, I didn't realize there was a... Was there an upstairs and the downstairs?

No, it's just downstairs. Like the club club, I think. I think the original club. No, so when you walked in... Yeah, you go to the right, down the stairs, and then... Yeah, but that's both of them. So, when you walked in,

was it on the big main road? Or was it on like a little side street to Covent Garden? Side street. Yeah, see, that is the original club. Yeah, that's the best one. The other... Kingsway, their newer one, is good,

but it's not as good as the OG. They run them concurrently. So, yeah, I want to do top secret. I'm on the list. going to do Dan Nightingell and Friends there at the other one in the autumn next year. And then they were like, yeah, just let us know when you're in. Because they're doing the thing that I thought every London club should do, which is like, oh, we've got hundreds of comics available and sometimes massive comics that want to jump in.

So we'll just book it on the day. Yeah, yeah. They literally book it on the day. They book a couple of spots if they really want to a few days in advance. But most of their spots get booked on the day and it's fucking... Because for 20 years, we've lived on a circuit where comedy clubs are like... It just booked so far ahead. There's so many good comics who want to go and gig every night

that they can just text and go if you've got anything. It's the New York model. Yeah. Why book ahead when... New York book about five days in advance. That's it. So basically the Monday morning makes some calls, see who fancies it.

But it also means no one's got a setting that has to get cancelled if fucking Chris Rock wants to come and do stage time. So if you keep it loose, as a club, you're like, well, who's going to want to come and warm up? they like there's even on the night if someone that big drops in someone just gets bumped off if Chris Rock drops in they'll

like even on the night someone who's being booked in like if you're on or I'm on they might just go there's your money bye Chris's going on you have to be a special type of nobby to be like oh it's a fucking joke well they'll just be like

shut the fuck up yeah like there's a hierarchy and it's just like shut up yeah respect right let's have a break and we'll come back with some prep Welcome back to this second section of the Have a Word podcast. We're going to do some advice.

Adam, I'm here to help. Huh? I'll solve your problems. I'll tell you the best thing to do. If you want to do it, you'll be fine. If you don't, you might do time. I've got some advice for you. You might hear these, isn't you?

I've got some advice. Are you just giving it? Yeah. Oh, right. If you're not yet, a Patreon, you're missing out on the Roast of Havoward 3. Exclusively available right now

on Patreon. Maybe you're a Jimmy Car fan. If you're a Jimmy Car fan, you're definitely into roasting. He's probably the UK's best ever roaster. You know, very famous for his piece, whatever his name is, joke. The Nileverwood 3. Available right now exclusively at patreon.com

slash have a word pod. One of the best things we've ever made. That's true. He knows what to do. And the roast are worse than the ones Jimmy's done, I'd say. Oh, they're unhinged. Yeah. Let's give some advice.

Ryan Lowe says, lads, I have a real fucking predicament here. Need some advice. I am the Preston manager. He's the Wigan manager, Ryan Lowe. He's the... I am actually the Wigan manager. And that is the problem. I keep turning up to North End.

Ryan Lowe says, I'm 21 years old and I'm due to go on my first ever proper works night out at the weekend. It's like a communal party thing where lots of work are attended. We know what a Christmas wedding. Ryan, just because it's your first. Cheers, right, mate.

It's almost like a social occasion where people are drinking and having fun. So just to be clear, we are going to leave the place of work or somewhere social, alcohol will be served. It's a works night out for Christmas. Problem is, I've just found out my mum is going to be attending

the same works do. It's a factory do and if the lads from work catch wind my mom is there i will never hear the fucking end of it help me please and that's from ryan low from wigan and preston don't talk to your mum that late so i assume his mum works in the same so i think she just loves a piss up when he's when he said it's a communal party thing where lots of works are attending i think he means different workplaces oh oh Ryan we were so snippy but you were actually explaining it like a ticket ticketed event kind of thing maybe oh it's It's one of those.

Oh, it's like a wedding venue where they're like, we do loads of works parties. Yeah. There's like comedy clubs in December basically. I think this is the type of thing of 21-year-old's getting their own head about like that just doesn't matter.

Like, everyone at work somewhere. It's like, you've got a mum! You're fucking gay! It'll just be fine. It is gay. I'm gonna mum. What if she gets absolutely hammered though? What if she gets steaming?

What if she's a racy-tracy-tracy? Racist Tracy? No, racy Tracy. Oh, you know? the lady from work. That would be bad. If your mum ends up getting gangbang by all the lads you work with

then you'll never hear the end of it. So we need to advise man how we make to not that happen. Ask your mum not to do any gangbangs. Does he cop block his mum? Yeah. What just absolutely man mark his mum? Yeah.

All night, yeah. What a fun night you're going to have, mate. A J-sung Park? Yeah. On Eisen Hazad. Pelo, in it? I didn't do it need an Eden Hazard as well, then he?

Oh, all right. Well, as long as it didn't stop the podcast dead in its tracks. So you've got a G-sum, park, your mum, and, you know, whichever reference you want. She can be Peelow. Do people still photocopy their ass and stuff? His mum does. Do you know, like that's like a thing that happened at office Christmas parties?

Yeah. Do you reckon that still happens? I'd do it. Or do you reckon photocopiers don't even... We've got one. Do we? No, photocopier. Yeah.

It's in the printer. Ah, that's not... No, that's just... If you sat on that, don't you just pick the printer. You could, says I? Trust me. right I don't want to see my asshole

like in that much detail I just don't want to know what looks like that doesn't you get an asshole does he I feel like he spread your cheeks Steve just nodded with some authority then

I don't know why all right we should try this in the brief works do's at the place of workers that's where that's happening this is a this is a do those still happen

where you get pissed in the office I don't think that's ever happened I think we've all just seen die hard or the office and we've gone I've done a, I've done a corporate in the office of a, of a company. Have you really?

It was exactly as far. Were you so expensive that they couldn't afford an actual venue? This was 2006, I think I might have been getting 300 quid. Just before you and Bondi caused the crash of 2008. Yep. You had all the money, just before I got into Bitcoin. What kind of office was it? What were they doing?

I don't know, but it sucked the life out of me and they looked like they'd had some of the life sucked out of them. they were, it was just off, you know, there's an office building in Swinton as you're going in from Liverpool on the M621. There's just one solitary office building we're on the fourth floor.

Oh my God. The old Swinton one. Just do it there. Just Swinton and Branch. No, I don't know if it's Swinton but just on that bit of motorway as you're coming into Manchester and they were like, yeah, so you just

perform in the corner. What did you do? Tried to do stand up and did pretty averagely. And that was their, that was their work's do and they were drinking there afterwards. Was there any racy tracies? There was a racy Tracy at Laura's all work. She ended up coming to the wedding.

That's a game older lady, isn't it? She was an attractive woman. Still rocking a per in 2006. She fuck you? She fucked me at my wedding. She was a rapy Tracy. I tried to say no, but that perm was strong. She was an attractive woman.

At least 50. I think she snogged one of the lads on her works, too. That's where the reputation came from. Did she get leather. at your wedding by anyone? I didn't do that. You mean leathered by anyone? Just with all the speeches, everyone.

Tracy, where's Tracy? She's in the disabled, I get. She found out Bondi's sure for bondage, mate. Oh no, that wasn't an earner anymore. That was just a play on Bondi's name. I was about to ding the bell. And he paid a 40 grand for him. It just fell out of his back pocket

and he couldn't be out of figuring it up. Yeah, but if you're not taking 40 grand to a wedding, I hear more about a time I've just went down. I got that, like, Ronaldo. Cost me more to mend down. Keep it. Is that his voice, man? Yeah, that's Bondi, yeah.

Hello, I'm fucking minted. Have we met Bondi? Several times, yeah. Several times. But it's amazing what doesn't register with him. We don't go to night out with him. Yeah, we did. Yeah.

We did. When? Is Bondi rummy? What? It's Bondi rummy? No. No, they're twins. Yeah.

Is Bondi rummy? I thought you've run all this money. So what's his, if Bondi is rummy, what's his first name? His first name is Bondi, surname Rummy. Oh, yeah, so, yeah. Bondi Rummy. Bondi Rummy. Antonio Bondi Rummy.

Sean. That is a fucking... Antonio, Bondi Rummy, Sean. I'm saying, Zorro, wasn't he? All of the names that you'll have heard that you've managed to amalgamate into one friend. You've only got one friend. Nine names. He's only lives in the South.

Is this, hang on, is Laura? Matt. Matt. No, Sean lives well. in the South. Sean lives in South Africa. Amazing. Well done, good.

He does, don't he? Yeah, he does, you're right. Matt lives in Portsmouth. Salisbury. And Matt's not Bondi. No. But in your head, but he is.

When you think Bondi, you see Matt. Where's Bondi live? In a dentistry. Lemington Spa. He owns it. South South as well. So you see how we've got confused.

All you're made to Down South. Is that Richard lives in a spa? Yeah, but I live down south. If you're going on that metric. No, Leamington Spard is down south. It's in the Midlands. Yeah. it's south of Birmingham

well I'm south of fucking Liverpool but I'm not down south Birmingham's the middle of the country it's not south of Birmingham it's in the Midlands it's south of Birmingham it's friends I'm getting confused with Leighton buzzard aren't I

I don't know what a late and buzzard is I think it's... I thought late and buzzard was Lee Green last week I know that's the second time I said Lee Green and that's Rummy as well Rummy Bondy late and buzzard Lee Green We didn't start the fire Where's Lemington Spa? It's just to the west of Birmingham.

I'm going to... No, east, sorry. Isn't it mad the way... Oh, it's slightly south of Birmingham. It is slightly south of Birmingham. Yeah. Liverpool's between Birmingham and Stratford upon even. Liverpool's closest to... Fuck off, is it south of Coventry, never mind Birmingham.

Kiki Musampa. You hungry? It is a little bit south, yeah, I'll give you that. It's not down south, though, is it? It's in the middle. You can't be like, that is bang in the middle of the country. Sure. If you want. Anyway, Ryan, we can't help you because we got annoyed about geography.

But if your mum's not a swag, he'll be fine. Hang on. Bondi lives in Leamington Spa. He's married to a French woman. No. Nope. That's Matt. Matt's married to some French woman.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bondi's a bachelor. Is Bondi gay? No, he is a bachelor. It's not a euphemism. He's just gay. I thought he was being... No, Bondi's a bachelor.

Oh, he's an upstairs gardener. What? Like he said. Bum gardener. He's a dentist, if you know what I mean? He is a dentist. I thought that was Matt. No, he works in the Navy.

I thought Bondi was... Sorry, I got that confused. I thought Matt was the dentist and Bondi was in the Navy. So just think. France was down there. So are the boats. Where would Matt be?

Down south? But also Bondi, like a tooth bond. Is that why you call him Bondi? Yeah, yeah, because he's, he just works in bonding, in teeth. Composite Bondi. Composite Bondi. That's how you remember them. What's in the South?

France and the boats. That's where Martin is. That's nice. Bondi's first name is Frank. Frank Bond. James. Frank Bond. The name's Bond.

Frank Bond. Come on. Phil. Phil Bond. Definitely a snooker player. And then Sean. I want to say. Fuffa-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-b-b-ff-bond. Tim.

I want to say, my allergies are up. So that's Tim Bond, Bondi, earning more composite Bondi. And rummy is an alcoholic. And Antonio is Italian. And I haven't got any other friends. And if I had, I'd keep them secret. Is you live in Italy?

They're the, yeah, Chrisleton, just north of Italy. Did you just remember the song? Yeah, go on, what's the whole song? Matt lives down south, what's down there? Boats and French women, that's where he is. Oh, I thought he was suggesting he was doing all the phones. I thought you were suggesting he was stopping the boat.

What's his name? Bond, Bond what, Tim, Bond. To ask himself in the song. What is his name's Bond, Tim Bond. teeth are grim, I box them off. I live in Leamington Spa. And then there's... Sean's in South Africa.

Yeah, Sean, what does the S stand for? South Africa. And then Rummy, we don't know where Rummy lives. Chester. Rummy, I want a game of Rummy. Look at the tits. On there, over there, Chester. And then, Antonio,

just north of Italy, Christleton. It's catchy, isn't it? Got a mate called Alasso in Oslo as well, but let's not confuse it. You may hear them at the arena. You may hear that song after the arena. Someone make a jingle. When have I met Bondi?

I've never met Bondi. You've met Bondi. When? I can't remember. He was at the Alast Arena. Was he? I don't remember him from that. He wasn't on.

He's in five, isn't he? He does look like he could be. in five, to be fair. He's just got into coal plunging. Very proud. Should we do another one? I haven't got any other friends. When you went to London recently, were you with Bondi?

In Chiswick. Yeah, he came down. You wonder why we get confused? Why are you in fucking Chiswick with him if he lives in Fokin, or whatever it was? There you go. But he lives in Lemington Spa, which is near Aberdeen, relative to Buenos Aires.

Tim Bond. Tim Bond. Because he came to just hang out for the... You know what I mean? He was one of them working weekends while I was going to be on my own and Chiswick. She's fine. So he just came down.

Right. He's got a time sharing. He's got a time share of... He's got a time share of... And he owns a lot of... The revolution of Chiswick. Wow. Just close a pretto-monje.

They will riot. Connor says, Wag-Wag-W-Lids. Need some advice. me and my missus have been doing long distance for about three years now. Very committed and we're engaged, Mazel Tov. Things are very serious between us. Well, yeah, you've just got engaged.

However, her parents hate me. She's Indian and her parents are very old-school Asian in their beliefs and believe I'm not good enough purely based on money and education status. How do I get past this and prove to her parents that I'm worthy? Love the pod, cheers boys, and that's from Connor. Go to you, need a more money. Become a doctor Yeah, you know

You were wondering what to do with your spare time, Connor Just become a doctor Just try and get down to their, not down to their level Try and get to their level Try and get on the level Engratiate yourself Yeah, be like, what do you like I'll assimilate

They like earnings for their future son-in-law Or cricket Laying that magic trick Where you pull a pound from behind someone's ear And just tell them you can do that on It's unlimited Yeah? I'm just like, it'll be all right.

We ever need a quib for the trolley. Oh, sh, get here, John. Yeah. If you've ever got in-laws that are disappointed, close up magic will really sort it out. Okay. I am good enough for your daughter. I know you're worried.

I know you're worried that I'm not good enough for your daughter, but listen, John, rum pinko. Is this your card? Run pinko makes sure. Six weeks in a row, Run and rum pinko. It's just a show that, like, you know, You know, just

They can have anything. Did you always get on with Syrika's mum? Did you instantly hit it off? Straight away. It's got, I feel like... She's pretty affable, isn't she? Yeah. No, but she's...

Serica's an only child. I met her, and she drove us to London. Stay here! Stay away from my daughter! You can't... Connor, you can't do that because they're Asian. That's going to look really bad

if you ask them to drive you somewhere. Hello, mate, I'll get in the back. No, we're saying because Asian people can't drive. No, he's saying taxi drivers. It was alluding to them driving taxis. I thought you were in the other racial scenario. No, she was going to London when we were, and she was like, oh, she likes to drive and she drove. So you met?

The first time I met her was in the car on a four-hour drive. Have you ever had, like, an ex's parents make you feel like you're not good enough? Have they ever just being like, you're just a clown? What's face? He had a real job. You're just the fucking performing, dancing, clown. This has this happened to you? Yeah, it just happens all the time.

And I've always done all right. Like, no one's ever been like, you do what? It's not even a real fucking job. You don't even do close up magic. There's loads of money behind my ear, but we'll never know, will we? Because you're lazy lump in go. Apparently, so I met Hattie Preston's, this is a screech, by the way. I met Hattie Preston's dad last night.

She's comparing the frog this week. She gave his approval. And now I'm seeing Hattie Preston. And Rusty was there, because she's got the baby Ruth's. Oh no, Hattie's movie. Rusty Lee was there. And her dad was looking after the baby. Hattie Preston sounds like your pro-evo name.

Hattie from Preston. You're getting it. This ain't just in here. Yeah. He's getting what? You fucking knob. You press the executive order jingle book. Charlie on Hattie, Preston.

I'm so annoyed. Oh, and his introduction to me was, oh, you're the man that introduced my wife to Pegging? Because I did a gig with Hattie several months ago and mentioned Pegging on stage, and apparently Hattie's mum was like, it's pegging. Does everyone know about it?

What's pegging? So Hattie was like, thanks, mate. I'm now having to explain pegging to my mum. on the drive back from the skis in Chester. So is Hattie's mum being bumming the dad? Probably so. Well, at least they've had to explain it. So Hattie's younger sister brought her new boyfriend back

and Hattie's mum decided within the first three minutes of meeting this boy to bring up the pegging thing again. And was just like, do you know, do you know about pegging? Because apparently everyone knows about pegging and this poor lad... She's desperate to do a bit of pegging here. This poor lad has just met his new girlfriend's parents and it's like, what the fuck is going on here? I think that would be quite endearing.

I prefer that. It's a high-pressure situation to be like, these are sound, let's talk pegging. It feels like entrapment. But if they started, yeah. By the way, they look like sound parents. Yeah, if they bring it up, I think you just, you roll with it, don't you?

You're like, yeah, your daughter pegs me all the time. I love getting bummed. Even if it's not true. Yeah, you don't bring it in for the first five minutes. You don't, if they bring it in, you can roll it. Yeah, you're just like, yeah, we can do it now. You can watch if you want. Just peg them, Connor.

I think it's Mingin when you meet someone and you really like them and their parents hate you. Culturally that's a thing, isn't it? Like, that is a thing with different cultures. Do you reckon your dad would be fuming if you took a Greek home? Because he wanted the Indian. I don't think so. Would you nan?

Yeah, but my nan was fuming that my mum got married to my dad. What did he call her? She called her? Dirty English whore. And she's Welsh? No, she's not. Yeah, that's what my mum said. She was like, actually, I'm Welsh.

I am a whore, though. Wait, no. You didn't say that. I was disgusting by the waist and the feet. I was bang out of all. I'd fucking kick him out for that. So yeah, and one of my friends is in this situation at the minute, similar. Or I think he's past it now,

but the first few times he was seeing his, he met his girlfriend's parents who were also Indian. There was a bit of, like, friction. Right. Does you get to a certain age where it doesn't matter as much? When they're dead? Obviously, we're in the dead, yeah. But I mean, like.

I think what you mean, if you, met as an older couple, do you mean? Yeah, and you're like, well, I think maybe the, the, when they're younger, you'd feel like they're going to be more protective of their daughter. But actually, if you're meeting your mid-30s, it's higher stakes, isn't it?

Because it's more likely you're going to marry. What you want to do with her? I couldn't be asked me, if I'm like, your Indian voice. What do you want to do with her? What are your intentions? Yeah. I, uh, I think it's actually fully on,

on your bed, this. She's got to speak to her dad. I know, mum. I'm being like, listen, John, rumping on. I'm shaggin'am whether you like it or no so get on board but genuinely just learn some

Indian Learn some Indian Learn some is it What's the language I nearly said Swahili It's not that Punjab Punjab

Learn that And what's chill the fuck out in Punjabi No you don't do that You gotta like If they're going to be like this You've got to play the game a little bit So learn a bit of respectful Punjab

But not the accent Not the accent Unless the word has an accent on it, but then make sure you get that right. Do you know what I mean? And I just learn a few key skills, you know, just learn a few things

that they're like, oh, you know, me son and us a fucking idiot. But then if they come round and you're like fixing a radio. Their radio. Do you know what I mean? That radio sounds broken off, fix it for you. And pinko?

You know what I mean? Fix the radio. Have them see you. And then they'll be like, oh, maybe he's not an idiotous after all. Maybe he can be in the RIF. Fix a radio. Then join the RRF. You'll never be in the RRF if you're not going to do with my daughter. Watch me fix this toaster.

A toast. What do you think now? Basically a pilot. Get it up your own fucking car. Don't toast. That's broke still, but. This is from an anonymous lady. says hi lids my boyfriend and I have been together for eight months now but i think our time is done

he's very nice but i feel like his mum we don't go on dates unless i plan them or literally tell him every single thing to plan it he said he's not comfortable taking charge because he's not confident enough to his confidence was also an issue when when he struggled to introduce me to friends because he was nervous in the bedroom it's even worse he doesn't initiate because of confidence issues and he struggles to undo my bra he just gives up because it's too difficult his laziness doesn't stop there when he's been going down on me for more than three minutes he'll stop because he can't be asked

the worst time was when we went to see a film and a man was being creepy towards me afterwards I got scared and thought my boyfriend would intervene however he didn't instead he got annoyed that I wasn't listening to his story I asked him if he was going to do anything and he said he didn't even notice the guy I'm starting to feel like the man I'm in a relationship

and I'm sorry I'm starting to feel like the man in my relationship and I hate it need a male perspective. Am I being harsh? Is my boyfriend just clueless or does he actually dislike me? Thanks, anonymous. And that's from Ellie and Bittle.

We'll never know how good that story was. It sounds like you fucking ate him? Yeah, it sounds like... It doesn't sound like she necessarily ate him. It does sound like she needs... That's a lot of it. That's a lot of it. They're not right for each other.

He needs a woman that wants to take control and she needs a guy that wants to take control. That sounds wholly unappealing, though. To most women, Yeah. That is just like a non-plussed, lazy, never taking the initiative. You can be with someone who wants to be in charge. Sometimes you've got a man up and...

He needs to just find a really powerful woman. Do I mean? He needs to be with like someone who... A woman who runs like a footsie 500 company, do I mean? Karen Brady. Yeah. Oh, who's here the one? Exxon.

Debramie. Debramie. He is perfect for Debramie. Debramie. Debramine doesn't invest. anything, though. She's never spent a penny in a life on Dragon's Den. Yeah, she is. She goes, I'm out immediately. How does she, how she made of money then? Mead Dogs?

By all the fucking money that she pockets from Dragon's Den and she doesn't spend any of it? She doesn't reinvest. Is that what she owns? She's got loads of, like, it's a common thing in it. Like, everyone always likes off, so she never invest. She just sat there with, like, money. That's not real. But he needs to be with a powerful woman who just wants to be like, shut up John and get your fucking cock out and I'll lick it or whatever. Like a woman who takes, like a woman who takes,

I would fucking love that. If Laura ever said shut up John and then got my cock out and licked it, I'll be like, I'll take the, I'll take the incorrect name check for a blow job. Shut up John. I'm going to call you John today. It's like, whatever, lick my penis. Would you like that?

Like playing a character? I love John. She could be from pinker. I want you to be a powerful woman. Laura's like, which one? Angela Merkel. Do you ever think about doing that? Yeah. Like, because a lot of couples do that. Don't do it. spice it up by like you go to a bar but you've arranged that your birds go in the bar

but she's got a different name for the night you've got a different name for the night and you just become two different people and act like you've met for the first time you're having a one night stand oh right yeah we I was going to do because I'm into history I was going to play France in 1940 and Laura's going to play Nazi Germany and she was just going to fucking by blitzkrieg me all over the place and I was just going to let her but then I'd resist a little bit you know no you go in and she's at the bar and you're like Are you Nazi Germany? She's like we're doing a different role played up.

She can't wear a name tag. I'm Fiona, actually. Who are you? And you go, I'm Gerald. So we're playing Gerald and Fiona who is part of this sexy. I go up and go, Who are you?

No, you walk up and go, I love, you're right? And she goes, hello. I suppose the question is, if Laura wanted to do this, I'm just like, you've got to come up with your character. Right, yeah.

Like, who I? Are you? Right, great. Am I Laura? You're Fiona? I don't want you to be Laura. Carl will be Laura. I'm gonna try and I'm Laura playing someone else so it's not really Laura, do I mean?

Right, so she's playing Adam. No, I'll be, you know, Fiona? Right, hang on. Can I just build my character? So we're going with Gerald. Yeah. You know, go on, like, that's another sexy name. Is it a pick of proper, Nate?

Laura wants you to get a fucking drop him with his character. It's got a suit you as well. They'll take her out of it if you've got a mad name. Ungolo, because I'm a fucking word. Looker, honestly. And you drive a mini. I'm doing... You're the water carrier, you just do all the hard work.

Yeah, yeah. That's what I'm like in search of my wife's orgasm. I'm like Kantai. Covering the pitch. Go on what's your name? Why are you? Brandon. Yes.

Yes. Brandon what? Brandon Spikes. Spikes. Spikes. Brandon Spikes. Could that be the worst name for the date? Yes.

That was the first word that came into a way. It sounds like a business. Brandon Consensual? No. Brandon Spikes. No, Brandon Spikes? I asked you. I'm Laura remember.

It's with a Y. Brank Spikes. Brandon Love. Nice to meet you, Brandon Spikes. Right. I want to build my character. I can't talk to you yet. What do I do?

Now, you're getting to know, I'm getting to know your character while you're getting to know man. You make running shoes? I make running shoes Yeah I work for Do I Is my own company

Yeah Brandon Spikes Brandon Spikes Running shoes This is sexy Isn't it She loves sprinting Let's hope

Brandon Spikes No because I don't know if you know This about Laura Not a big fan of long distance But you should see my girl over hurdles I'm Genevieve But she's not Laura

Yeah There you go She's playing Genevieve pussy with She's in a James Bond film Yeah What is she full claimed it.

Yeah, because with a surname like Pussy With. Is it Ms. Pussy With? Is it Ms. Pussy With? I'm Genevieve Pussywiff the third. Oh, right.

Landed Gentry as well. Wow. It's amazing that be... What are you doing in this town tonight, Brandon Spikes? Trying to sell running shoes with spikes on to dirty sounding aristocracy.

Oh, wow. Do you live local? No, I've got a hotel room for the night. Have you really? Oh. Where'd you live? That was good. Nice. Where do you live?

Travel Lodge. I'm not selling many spikes at the moment. Okay. Where do you live, though? Where are you from originally? You don't need to know that. Canterbury. But I've asked you the question. Sorry, I meant Canterbury. Yeah.

Don't ever decline the question of a pussy with. Oh, she's quite aggressive. She is aggressive. She's commanding. I can't wait for her to call me John and lick my dick. Yeah, I'm just in town for the night. Just feeling a bit lonely. Where are you from?

Lonely. Canterbury, you deaf bitch. Whoa, Dan, you can't talk to something. Where are you, by the way? Maybe she likes it. Where is this? All bar one. Are you at the bar?

Hashtag not an ad, yes. Are you at the bar? This is going to seal the deal. Are you at the bar? I hope so. What would you like? Oh, you're the barman. What would you like?

Miss Pussy, we've got a poem star martini. But that's gone now, so you can buy me in another one. Was that one slope, Genevieve? You're a third. I've been here for a while. Right, she's hammered, by the way. What would you like, sir? I'll have an old-fashioned.

Oh, right. Two with them. I don't know what that is, by the way. Miss Pussy with? Oh, you already know her name. She's been here for a couple of hours. She's blathered, look. There's no music on.

She does scat a lot. Miss Pussy Whiff is known for her scatting. This is getting dirty. Right, here's your drinks. They are, love. Here's your old-fashioned. Oh, that's gone. Another one of them, please, barkeep.

So, um, what are you doing later, Miss Pussy with? A few berries, isn't I? She's down to burn it, man. I was a few babies. You were quite nice 30 seconds ago. Yeah.

I'm posh. Oh, something in that old-fashioned there. Whiskey? Oh shit, Brandon Spikes? Yeah, it's in the name. Come on then, Brandon. Are we going for the fuck or what? Yes.

Whoa. Yes, please. Yes, I'd love to fuck you. Okay. It's out of breath from the sky. Just so you know, I am actually waiting on a syphilis diagnosis, but the doctor said it looked like it was all right.

Is that okay with you? Pussy whiff by name. Pussy with by nature. He's assured me that the whiff has succumbens from something else. It's not a disease. Hang on, is this Laura playing? Is this Laura? I'd be like

I'd be like time out Lars, where's this coming from? Oh boy I forgot it was Lord as well I thought it was

Laura's called herself Genevieve pussy with and he's waiting and he's waiting on a clap diagnosis I'd be like Lars we went up to start you're in the weeds here

so that wasn't on you though Dan to be fair that was on Laura yeah that drink turned they're fast yeah she's like that See you at the arena.

She should be staggering everywhere. If you see Laura at the arena, please call the Genevieve Pussy Whiff. If that happens once, I'm so happy. It's time for a break. Are you hungry, though? Oh, shit. No, I'm absolutely full.

Just had Castro's. It was great. Yeah, but we've got, you know, Dad versus food. Dun-Dun-Dun-Dun! Let me pay the jingle. This ain't just any honor. You're not.

Bad. I judged it on purpose the second side. Oh, what have I liked? Dead versus food. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to yet another edition of Dan versus Food.

Dan is a 47-year-old man with food phobias, which basically means he is scared of certain dinners, certain snacks, certain foods. He doesn't like it. Sometimes he's never even tried it. He just doesn't think.

think he'd like it. You know what I mean? What did you try a couple of weeks ago that went really well? Cheese toasty with tomato soup. He was like, I can't think of anything worse. He hasn't stopped eating it since. Today, we've got you a selection of Christmas-themed sandwiches from a little-known local

supermarket to schools. We've got you a Yorkshire pudding, chicken, bacon and trimmings thing. We've got you a brie and cranberry sandwich, which is just a fancy cheese. cheese, buddy. And we've got you a turkey with stuffing and cranberry sauce and bacon sandwich. Now, any of them sound good to you? No. I'm going to go for turkey and trimmings first. What do you think trimmings has done? Then fakesins.

Fierksins. Have you ever tried turkey before? Is this the first time you've had turkey? I've never tried turkey before. Is it that ugly looking white meat in there? You've never tried turkey? It's just good chicken. I think at some point in Christmas dinner someone's like, oh, I'll have a bit of this turkey because I don't do gravy, it was just drying, horrible. Oh, it's covered in cranberry sauce now, so. Big bite.

In the middle as well. Oh, that's a meat. Oh, it's nice. Oh, it sounds nice. Now, I like that. It's all right. I like, sir. Is that the one with stuffing in as well?

Shoot it up. Big mouthful. By the middle. Turkey trim in. Get that red bit. Love it. Go on, Dan. A big bite that.

It's done well. Oh, you likes her. Yeah. Oh. Oh, it's like a bit of... Oh, there's loads of flavours. Why is that a bad thing? What's that?

Bread. Is that mushroom? Oh, it's bacon or turkey or something. This isn't going badly, though. Oh, he's going for another... Right! Whoa! That's all right.

Welcome to Christmas. There's a lot going on. How much proteins, isn't that? Fuck off. Uh, load you. Fuck off. That's 30 grams of protein. If you finish it all, yeah?

Yeah, don't... Dan, you've got more sandwiches to go. Don't finish it. In the full pack, yeah. Did you like it? I don't like it, but I don't hate it. And it's 30 grams of protein, but...

And the sage onion stuff are on that as well, which we didn't tell you about. Oh. You're already enjoying it. I know, but you've made me think I don't like it. What do you think? You're a fucking weirdo, aren't you? Yeah, that's the point of the future.

People say you've got Afrid. What's the... What? Afro? A lot of people are saying... like, I think. Yeah, it's a... This one is

full fat, soft cheese, which is brie, cranberry sauce, mayonnaise and spinach. Oh. You like Popeye now, aren't you? Brie. Brie?

Is that one of the smelly French cheeses? You know? It's a really mild French cheese. I like melted cheese. Go on, Don't. Are you getting bigger bites? Good on him. Just a cheese, buddy.

Oh! Oh, dear. Oh, the brie was a very brie. It's got like the mildest cheese in the world. It's like fucking mozzarella. It doesn't taste of anything. We spit you the other corner, though. I just need some more, bro.

A big bite in the middle now. I don't love that one. No? Oh, he's gagging again. That's not the mildest cheese in the world. No, it's not. I was lying. This is a cold Yorkshire pudding and feels horrible.

That looks good. Oh, no. Oh, that cheese is a mischief. He's just thrown up in his mug. Oh, God. Oh, did I miss that? Look at the bin. What is that?

So Yorkshire pudding. So Yorkshire pudding with... There's lots of stuff in it. It looks like Genevievee's pump-pub. Get them a Christmas market. Don't look inside. Don't look inside. Oh, brother, I'm crying.

Don't look inside. Chargilled chicken breast, sage and black pepper mayonnaise, roasted carrots, parsnups, pork and sage and onion stuffing, applewood smoke bacon, cranberry sauce and braised red cabbage, in a Yorkshire pudding wrap.

See, there's not many flavors in that, so you'll like it. Right, just bite the middle of it as well. If I bite that bit, it's cheating because it's all Yorkshire pudding. And Yorkshire pudding's just fucking cake. Yeah. Right.

Big, big bite out to the middle. Proudia. Go on, you can do it. Go on. Make like your mum and fill your gob. She died. Eating Yorkshire puddens. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Might explode. It's like a number. What? Why is that a bad thing? Oh, he's getting through it. Okay.

This is an ordeal. Is it a flavor sensation? I don't know whether you can get close enough on of, but he's crying. It's tense. It's not bad. It's not finished. It's a bit dry, is it?

A bit dry. Yeah, you can, do you want some gravy? No. well done dan we're back for extra bites on all of them well done wow

right I'm gonna say first one sat on that yeah that's an eight yeah wow

that's a Dan versus food eight yeah the second one that's a bad cheese sandwich bray yeah that's too breeze a lot oh it's too much

this is I mean it's all right but it's very dry it feels very dry yeah because it didn't feel or look good to be honest I reckon that heated up with some gravy to dip in it

would be sensational is that basically a Christmas dinner in a Yorkshire party there's a couple of things missing but yeah oh I nearly went for a fucking swigger drink

right so that's I don't love that one but what's the first one called twigginck shing turkey and trimmings with stuffing and cranberry sauce Right, sound of work.

There you go. Thank you. Been a time for Dan. I'll take this with me. Okay, let's have a nice long break and then get back in with Jimmy Kat. Ladies and gentlemen, for the second time, Jimmy Cars here.

Well, Jimmy Carr's here for the first time. He's on the pod for the second time. I mean, you got, you did the thing. You did the thing. Last time I did your podcast, it was like, oh, I wonder what podcasts would look like if they were illegal. I'm like, and it was done in a basement somewhere

and we couldn't tell him one and we had to look out for not... This is legit. You're the reason. Because I'm the skinflint on the pod. So I'm always watching the account and these had mentioned about we should probably go to Liverpool at some point

and when you came in and went, I'm in a fucking cupboard in Runcorn. After you left and that was a great episode and everyone loved it and it was brilliant. I said, we need a new studio. The second you left, because you turned up and gone, why the fuck are we in this cupboard in Runcorn?

As you left Dan Wendt, get on the phone now to estate agents in Liverpool and find us a better studio in a better place. But you've sort of gone, it's that it's two and a half men. You've basically built a frat house as your office. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's kind of, it's fantastic. And it's right in the middle of town. Yeah.

It's right in the kind of that hubbub of, like Liverpool's got that thing, isn't it? Like, especially pre-Christmas. People are kind of out doing their thing. It really feels like there's a buzz out there. Well, Liverpool's a great city, but like, Just food options, like Runcorn. We just had this cafe that was ran by... I don't know whether they were fucking,

but it felt like they might be. They were... Nice people who watched the podcast. Yeah, class, I think they were shagging now, weren't they? What was the name? Stephen Mayer and Julie. I think they might have been shagging at some point.

There was just... There was always a sexual tension over the chicken nuggets and shit, you know what I wish it was a sexual tension over the ham and cheese toasties. But it changed us. And genuinely, a big part of it was we were like, we're going to have big and bigger names on this show

and we can't have them pulling up to fucking run corn. Well, this is, it's the thing of like, there is a positive aspect to bullying that people don't talk about. There is, like sometimes, sometimes you call someone a fat fuck and they go, do you know what,

I've got to get to the gym, I've got to get this in shape, and it kind of, it builds you up. And sometimes it's just negative. It's literally worked. Really? Dan's lost a lot of weight in the last two months. Have you, are you, what are you doing?

Don't, no, don't do that thing. Everyone goes, are you ill? Are you on the jabs? I've just stopped eating fucking chips all the time. Right, okay. I heard an episode recently where you were talking about, there was free chips. Unlimited chips.

Yeah, it's a problem. And you were like, like, oh, it's unlimited chips. You're talking about like chips, like North Korea. Like, uh, ha, ha. Yeah, chips are not expensive. Yeah, it's not a flex, free chips. Also, I've just not boozed for three months. Yeah, the booze will make a difference.

So it's been a bit, it's been dry. It's been a dry quarter. But he has become more bored and than ever as well. So there's a trade-off, do you mean? I've got lots of friends in the program. I drink a little bit myself, but I've got a lot of friends that are in the program. The thing you've got to remember with giving up the booze

is you have to say yes to stuff and you can't be the first to leave. That's that you have to go, right, I'm going out and I'm staying out until they go home. I can't be the boring one just because I'm a little bit drunk. So that when we were in Glasgow, we did a roast and it's just gone out on our Patreon. Oh, excellent.

That was the weekend where that's the one weekend I missed out. Everything else has been fine. I'm at home. A roast in Glasgow. And everyone went boozing. And I did. That's a great town to go boozing as well. Yeah, I did go home early.

That was the one I missed out. If I was going to do this long term, that's the kind of night where you have to be like, just have a fucking iron brew and get involved. But is that not the problem with our world, right? Like, the idea, like you guys are doing this, right? I've got my life doing stand-up and movies and stuff. And you go, it feels like we're living in the simulation.

It feels like we're playing a video game called Life. And we found some cheat code where it's, excellent. That's what we say all the time. We're playing with the cheats on. It's so, it's so fun. And then you go, oh, well, I better have a drink tonight because I'm playing an arena in Liverpool. And they go, yeah, but that's every night. Every night you're doing something crazy. I mean, I'm so, listen, I'm big on gratitude practices and things, but it's unbelievable. What a world? Like, it's also just pint a class. That's the thing that the program really struggles with is pints are just rarely class. You know what I mean? You've not

given it up, Dan, have you? You're just having a break. Yeah, I don't want to go straight back to it, but Jimmy's making me want to drink. Really? A little bit. I read this brilliant book on it. I got turned onto it by Pete Holmes. You know Pete Holmes? Yeah, yeah.

Really good podcast. Great comic. Great comic. He turned me on to quite a few things over the years. Like, it's big into meditation. And he turned me onto this thing called This Naked Mind. Then it's a book about not drinking. But it's for people that A.A. doesn't quite work for them.

They don't like the meetings. They don't like that side of it. Don't have a spiritual thing. So they're just not into that. And you read this. And it kind of, it's for people that kind of don't want to drink or maybe you want a bit more control over it. Yeah.

So it's not the, total, I need to quit, I can't drink. Yeah. It's the, it's sort of not suiting me. There's quite a lot of people that are in that, in that bit, especially this sort of time of year when you're going into Christmas where you go, I don't want to fully go tea total and it be the big thing in my life. Some people need that. And for some people, it's just like, I want to be in control of this.

I want to go out and just have one. And also, if you set your stall out as that, as like, yeah, I drink sometimes when I'm not as bothered as I used to be, people don't harang you. If you go, I'm quitting, you better have a real, like, addiction-based sob story for your friends to justify it. I didn't drink without that. I didn't drink for 12 years.

I didn't drink from 26 until about maybe, yeah, 38, something like that. I didn't touch a drop. Was that when you started stand-up? Yeah, right. Because I was just, like, terrified of losing this thing. I sort of found stand-up. I thought late. It was like mid-20s.

I was young. But I felt so old. And I felt like, oh, I felt like Indiana Jones getting his hat back, getting into comedy. I suddenly met these sort of... Because for me, I had like a proper... I mean, you guys never had any other options, right? This is it for you. For you?

You were going to get a proper job, please. Hey, I was in uni, mate. I was doing a maths degree. I was, for a week. You did it was two days of freshes and then I went to uni for a week and then I was like, stand-up seems like a better option, but I was doing a maths degree at uni. You were doing a math degree?

Well, that just makes me think the application process needs looking at. Hey, I was the second highest maths score in the country in year nine. Jesus. The second time. I'm pretty sure you read that wrong. Don't let the accent fool you, James. Okay. I'm actually a genius.

Okay. Let's agree to disagree on that. Look, I've got test scores, mate. Do you know what I mean? I got called in for a meeting with my maths teacher at GCSE because I only got an A. He was like, you've fucked the schools. I'm going to get us up here. You know what I'm terrified up?

You were a nailed on A star, Adam. You were a nailed on A star and look what you've done now. You've brought the median down. Oh, nice. Do you know the words? You know what this boy's terrified of right now? What if Rachel Riley leaves and we get that? I'll be fucking quicker.

I'll watch it. Imagine that and a little short skirt. Oh, with you? Yeah. Oh, and your one. He's going to be the new Rachel Riley. We're going to be fucked. I'll be fucking quicker than her, mate.

Half the time she's like, oh, I can't do it. I can't. In my head. Isn't it all in a year's anyway? Oh, everyone could do it on their head at home. It's only when you're there, it's tricky. Of course. Is it an apiece?

I thought it was all in a years. The answer's four. No, no. The maths is all just. Oh, is it? Oh, right, okay. She's the best at maths. They'd have to get a better mathematician

to be sat off camera with a calculator. How would a calculator? A calculator doesn't really help you with that. Yeah, I don't know. I've not got up maths, Jimmy. No, no, I got that. I got that. But that thing about not drinking for years,

like 12 years I didn't drink is, I just was busy doing this. And when I did it, I kind of was doing 300 nights a year and, you know, driving next day. I've always thought that thing with boozees, you're borrowing happiness from tomorrow. Yeah, yeah. And sometimes that's fine.

sometimes it's like Christmas you're all getting together with the family you go do you know what it's going to be a rough day tomorrow I'm going to sit and watch sitcoms and do nothing and ordering pizza but most of the time I want to do something the next day

but it is the thing though is again this is the thing the programme doesn't teach anyone right is the next day you can just borrow it again from the next tomorrow Adam's in a lot of depth yeah

well that's sort of how my parents were we started off just having one day at a time and then he was having two days of time building up a tolerance yeah he owes about 25 years of happiness He's all right, he's a math genius It'll work it out

You knock that off the end of your life Bish-bash-Bosh, live to 85 He's done, do you know what I mean? I also think a lot of comics tell themselves They need a pint to be funny to gig Which is To go on stage Yeah, if you're a new comic

Get that out of your mind Like that is a... You want to be in control Maybe have a pint afterwards If that's, if you're not driving fine But whoever thinks like Early doors that a pint is going to loosen them up It's such a dangerous thing

I was in Edinburgh this is maybe 2000, yeah, maybe 2000. I was up there backstage, I think called So You Think You're Funny. Little competition in Edinburgh, fabulous to go and see. Karen Corrin used to run it. It was great. And Johnny Vegas was hosting this night, right? And I didn't know Johnny.

I'd never met him. I'd seen him on telly a little bit. And he was drinking pints of Bailies and Quantro, half of each, stirred, which he was calling luxury gaviscon. And he grabbed me by both shoulders. I went, all right, Jimmy. Jimmy, and it, yeah. Don't be like me.

I went, oh, we're not going to have a problem. I'm going to be fine. Such a great guy. That's a decker than drink to be drinking pints of, in it? But he thought somehow the Bayleys and Quantro together because it tasted a bit like a gaviscon would take the edge off his acid reflux. Which was, which was, I'm going to let you in on,

do you want a little bit of showbiz insider gossip? Always. Johnny Vegas is not a doctor. Is he not medically qualified anyway? He's as medically qualified as he is a mathematician. Well, then he can see to me any day. Then he got really close to him. I want to explain something.

Okay. I want to explain something to it, which I, I don't know, I sort of thought through the whisper chambers of our industry might have reached you by now. But in our lobby, and we can put a picture of this in here, we have a big print on the wall.

I saw that coming in. And it says, we're fucking massive, Jimmy. Yes. Have you got any idea what that's in reference to? I remember the last time I was on the show. So last time you were on the show. And I was going, it was this tin pot operation. But it was a tin pot operation at the time.

I stand by my remarks. Four. We've met before, though. No, 100%. We have, and you've met that, and we're colleagues and whatever. At the time, so, like, Carl was editing everything. And as much as it was our baby, and we were really sort of proud. of it and we knew where we wanted to take it eventually.

Carl had a professional pride in it that sort of dwarfed both of ours. He was like, this is, I'm going to fucking work until this is fucking the biggest thing going. And it was doing quite well, not Jimmy Carl, well, but it was doing well enough and we were like selling tickets and stuff. And at one point, I think there was just one little jive at the pod that he was just like, I'm just not having anymore. And he snapped and went, hey, Jimmy, this is fucking massive, you know, like we're fucking massive. And that was like the soundbite that our listeners took away from the thing.

And at the time, every time we hit like a new milestone, like on whether it was YouTube subscribers or particularly Patreon, like every month that I think for like a year, every month, we added another thousand for a month. So like we're on about 30,000 patrons now. But like that would go and up like two, three, four month by month by month. And every time it happened, we'd be like, we've just hit 4,000 patrons. And there. there'd be a thousand comments going, we're fucking massive Jimmy. Someone tell Jimmy we're fucking massive.

It became our war cry, basically. I love it. And then at the end of the show, we just on our first arena show, smashed out the park, confetti on the screen. We're a fucking massive Jimmy. And it was like, hey.

And as soon as we've seen the picture of it, we were like, that needs to be fucking printed onto canvas and framed on the wall. Next time you do a really big one, next time it's levels up. Or we do the arena again. Invite me down,

I'll come on at the end to go, these guys are fucking massive. That's got to be the thing, right? That's the... Who's doing that? John Mullaney's doing that in the States. Have you seen that gig he's doing? No.

He's doing Riggly Field. I think John Mullaney's... Where's Rydley Field? Is that a baseball? Yeah, in Chicago. I mean, he's the Chicago boy. So, never mind the Chicago Theatre, which is phenomenal in and of itself,

but he's playing Riggly Field. It's the coolest. Yeah. It's amazing. I loved his last one. Rigley. Gillis is doing the Eagles thing. The Eagles Stadium.

Shane Gillis is doing. What's he doing? Which one? The Philadelphia Eagles home stadium. Wow. He's doing a 70,000. He's doing a Shane Gillis and friends, basically. You know who's got to bring?

He's got to bring because there's that great clip of him, Bill Burr. Bill Burr, do you know that famous clip of Bill Burr? Oh, in Philadelphia, yeah, yeah. It was the beginning of Bill Burr being Bill Burr where he basically gets sort of, they try and boo him off and he hasn't done his time. And he goes, fuck you, Philly. And then just goes at them for 20 minutes to turn he's off. It's not even a proper video clip because it's recorded on like a fucking house phone.

it's like blarey as it like the person moves with it but the audit on a house phone it's recorded on the land somehow the audio's like good enough and he's just laying into this crowd and they booed off like a load of legends

fillies and no towards his place my favourite thing about that though I don't know whether you'll know of a guy from Melbourne Australia's name's Nick Cody yeah really good friends with like Daniel Slash he's a great comic and he does a lot of radio hosting out he's done that Australian comic thing of getting a radio job and going,

this will do me for a bit, and he's started a family. It's because the travel there is so brutal. Insane. The travel there, you're on a plane every two minutes. Nick Cody was such a comedy fan before he became a comic,

that he, this is the best Holy Trinity, I think, ever. He was at the Bill Bear Philly rant. He was at that. Wow. He was at Patrice O'Neill elephant in the room, the taping.

Amazing. And he was at Louis C.K.'s either chewed up or hilarious. he was at all three tapings of them and he's got the ticket stubs of it and then about... Oh, that is for the downstairs, Lou, isn't it? That's kind of perfect.

You go to those gigs and go, that was pretty special. That was special to be there. About 10 years ago, Bill Beard did the Sydney Opera House, I think. And he was there for like a week and Nick Cody got the chance to go and open it for him. And he said he played a cool all week

and on the final night of the run, he took his Philadelphia tickets to Bill and said, we just signed these for me. And it just fucking blew. was head off. He's like, that's just... I want to ask a question here. Okay, so what would be...

That thing of, and I love it when my friends do that well, and people that we get to know in this business, right? So you go, John Mullaney's playing a stadium and Shane Gillis, I mean, he's so fucking funny. He's playing a stadium.

It's amazing. What would be the thing for you guys that would be, I can't even conceive of that huge? I know what it is. One of the stadiums there, isn't it? I just want to do Amfield. I, like, I, when I,

I signed with an agent a few months ago, I didn't have one for a while because I didn't feel like I needed one I was just like I'm just going to do podcast and my own stand-up thing and stuff

and I had Live Nation promoting the tour I was like I don't really know what I'm giving someone a cut of me stuff for I had a couple of things coming where I was like

I probably need some help with this so I joined CIA and the guy who is with me there is called Glenn and he's fucking great and he like in the initial conversation

he was like I want you to just be as honest as you can what's where am I taking you Like, what's the... He wanted you to be as honest as you can. Yeah. Okay.

Well, that's... And I went, it's Amfield by the time I'm 40, which is seven years. And he went, okay. He went cool. I think that, but I think also that thing of like going, it's not... It's like, it's out there, but it's not that out there. It's just... If Taylor Swift can do it, babe.

Zach Bryan as well, mate. I made a terrible error the other day. A terrible error. A terrible error. Showbiz error, which is I've got the O2 in London. Next week, I'm playing it in the round. So this is my trick with, if you're doing arenas, you play them in the round.

I learned from the best. I was doing gigs down in Australia with, I had one night off on my tour. And Chappelle was in town and we hang out when he's free and I'm free. So I went and played with him. I opened up for him. And he did it in the round like a boxer, like set up a boxing ring in the middle.

So much smaller stage is that. It's a tiny little stage in the middle, like a boxing ring. But the, and you sort of, I'm like a lazy Susan of comedy. Rotating. like I'm fried rice being passed around a table. But it was so fantastic because no one's got a bad view. Nothing's bigger, really, than the Liverpool Empire. Everything's kind of, you know, even if you've got the seats right in their nosebleeds,

it's pretty good because, oh, he's there and the screens are above. It's half the distance. It just works. It just works as a thing. Where's yours, Jimmy? Like, his is Anfield. Where would... Well, I mean, I'm doing...

I mean, you've done a lot of them. I'm doing the O2, but I went last week to go and see Radiohead play. And I thought, this would be fine. I love the gig was unbelievable. But they played in the round. And I was watching it going, this is incredible, having a little tear up at Karma Police going, oh, I've got to do this next week

and I can't finish on Karma Police because it's not my song. By the way, it would be fucking amazing if you did, if Jimmy Carg just closed with Karma Police. I also don't know whether there's a huge Venn diagram of radiohead and Jimmy Cargos. I don't think everyone coming to see you has necessarily been there and has got the comparison, you know?

No, but that thing of like being in those spaces where it's like, it's kind of pinch yourself moments where you go, I can't believe I'm playing here. I sometimes get it with American venues where, and it tends to be, it's that comedy fan thing of where I've seen someone special that was recorded here. So I played the beacon last time I was in New York. I did three nights there, and Louis did live from the beacon.

I mean, I know Louis, he's a good friend of mine. But to be in the space, to be on that stage, you sort of go, oh, this is where Seinfeld plays in New York. Yeah. What am I doing here? I mean, it's that thing where everything in show business is imposter syndrome. and I view imposter syndrome as very healthy. I think you should have it once every 18 months.

Do you think you get it? Do you get imposter syndrome? But you should have it every 18 months. You should push yourself to a place where you have a bit of imposter syndrome because that means you're out of your comfort zone. So how do you do that? I just released a film.

I released a film this weekend. I've got no business writing a film or producing a film or starring in a film. And I went, yeah, I'm going to make a film. And no one laughed. No one came on. They did hopefully at the movie. But no one meant,

that's ridiculous, just kind of to let me do it. We, uh, and I felt I don't belong here, and then they just... We've naturally come to that, obviously, we, we had that on our agenda, but, like, tell us about the film. I, I know the sort of, the base of it, but tell our listeners and tell the boys, like, not in a cynical way, but it was slightly movie maths in that I went, right? I'm on board. What do people love about, yeah, you can do this? What do people love about, like, British cinema, right? They love a bit of period drama, the downtown abys and the Gosford parks and all of that stuff,

And I genuinely like those things. I sort of view them as TV Valium. If you're a bit stressed, stick on Downton Ab, it's like, oh, lovely. Like a warm bath of a TV show. And then we do comedy very well. And I loved Mel Brooks growing up, like Blazing Saddles and Spaceballs and, you know, Robin Hood, Men in Tights, all of those kind of, you know, out-and-out comedies, genuinely funny comedies, not dramas with a little bit of a light touch of comedy in it.

And then I loved Airplane and Top Secret. And movies that you can watch 15 times and you spinal tap and you pick up these little phrases. So I don't want to be a grifter. I want to make something that I want to watch. So it's those two things smushed together with a little bit of Richard Curtis. You can't make a British film now without going

or put a bit of rom-com in there and then it makes it an easier choice. I don't know about you, but I find it very difficult with the misses deciding what to watch. So this is Downton Abbey meets Love Actually Meet Airplane. That's it. That's exactly it.

And we all. also did a thing because it irritates the hell out of me when people put all the jokes in the trailer. I saw a comedy movie recently, watched the trailer when this is going to be amazing, love. We watched the movie, like they had eight jokes and they were all in the trailer. Fuck that noise. Every joke in the trailer problem. Also, like, people have started putting spoilers to like dramas and like thrillers in the trailer. Like, the spoilers in it. It's like, oh, this is going to happen as well. It's like, the whole movie is leading up to that point. I love it when you see something

and you've been recommended and you haven't even seen the trailer. Just going, not knowing anything about it. That's how you're supposed to watch. That's my partner says, let's see this. And I go, let's go. I don't know anything about it. I will watch it blind.

My wife asked to download the trailer as we're picking the film. That's her final. So if we're at the point where she's like, oh, I kind of fancy that. I just want to watch the trailer. I'll leave the room. I don't need to see three minutes

of what we're about to watch. You're a bit of a nightmare when you're recommending stuff for this. You love telling people a Sutton's not going to spoil it but you want to tell them you'd be like oh you've got to go and watch this thing

and I'll be like all right and then you go this doesn't spoil it but I go to you did you know this before you watched it and you go no no but it doesn't matter

it happens about 20 minutes in so it doesn't ruin the end I like it doesn't matter I just don't want to know it and then I can see you sitting there with your little tizom fingers being like I just want to tell them

we've got a film podcast too where we talk film it's like the Edinburgh reviews where they quote a joke or something within the review You're like, just... Who's got the film?

Me, Finn and Harry. Well, you better reviewed my fucking movie. I'm believe. You want to come on this? That film podcast are more than welcome. All right, yeah, I've got time. I'm not at the arena until 815. We're fucking doing one afterwards.

We're doing a special version of your podcast in here afterwards. We haven't seen the film, Jim. What do you mean you haven't seen the film? It's not out yet. It's out tomorrow. Send us in them. Send us and caught on it.

We'll watch it. They quit. Did they not send you a cut of the movie? No. They didn't send you a link? I mean, this is, we're clearly we're in a lot of trouble if we need, we need to make 15 quid out of these two. I'm not sure I can watch it just yet.

I'll tell you why, because you've got Damien Lewis in it, haven't you? Yeah, we've got Damien Lewis. And I'm currently re-watching Homeland with my missus, who's never seen it. And I feel like the character he's going to be in your film is going to be quite different to the, very similar character. To the Marine-Ten terrorists, spoilers.

No, he plays the Lord of the Manor. and then he converts to Islam about halfway through a movie. It's quite a different... Classic Richard Curtis. It's a very different take on Downton. I mean, he's really good at it as well because the thing about...

I mean, the thing about being a stand-up, right? It's the feedback loop is immediate, right? You tell a joke and it's funny or it isn't. It's binary, right? So every night of the gig, I get out a bit of paper with the new jokes that I've written today and I try the new jokes and you go, yes, no.

It's great, right? You get an immediate feedback loop. Make a film. It's like, well, I thought of that. two and a half years ago. And then you're at a screening and you go, oh, it works, does it? Good. And you feel like saying to the audience, too little too late. Are you packaging the film as non-binary to appeal to the woke crowd? Oh yeah, that's my core audience. It's my core audience. They love me. How involved were you in the whole thing? I know you wrote

and were in it, but how involved were you in like the casting or like the editing room? Pretty involved. I mean, it's like my friend Chris Tickier, so it was the was kind of the main Garner and Danny, the main producer. So, like, I was involved. I mean, it's like, it's a team exercise writing a movie. So I didn't write, I mean, I wrote it, but I wrote it with my younger brother, Patrick, and the Dawson brothers, like, three dudes we know, and we've known for years and write a lot of telly.

So we all kind of wrote it together, which is, it's fun being collaborative. It's fun sort of being in a gang, because that's kind of what I miss about the clubs. That's what we are. That's what they say. Like, genuinely, I, I went to film something either day. We ended up doing something else, but, like, this, and, you know, this sounds like I'm sort of sucking myself off a bit. We're doing our live show again at the arena that you're at tonight,

the M&S Bank Arena, next week, and it'll be sold out again. There's, you know, very, like the last sort of dotted tickets around. This is the third time I've got to headlining twice with this, once on my own. I loved headlining on my own. Getting to say, I've done an arena, hometown arena, is something that so few people and then so few comics even will ever get to be the person who does that.

It is never, ever as, like, cool and has the same impact on me, professional pride and everything else than when I do it with this. Like, when I got to do it, I was like, this is fucking amazing. Not that, like, I want to play it down at all. It was nothing on the feeling of when we did it together. There's the same sort of package of photos as the one that we've got printed with your name out there. there's one of me and Carl because you've got to understand

me and him went to school together from year seven and then became really close in six form he went to school? There's a while ago now not the same classes but there's a photo of me and him at the end like because we did the full show

and then we got our friend Johnny to DJ as we all just got like drunk on stage at the very end and turned it into a bit of a party to send people off into the night and there's a photo of me and him and I've just got like my arm round them, I think, and we're just watching nearly 10,000 people going to pandemonium after, you know, watching, like, this mental idea for a live podcast show, because we don't just sit around doing this at the live podcast shows. And it was a culmination of 12 to 14 years of friendship.

And I was like, there's nothing I could achieve in stand up that, even if I got to do Adam Rowe at Amfield, I don't know whether that will match that moment. No, because I can't share it with you. I can't be there and support you, but I can't be like, we did this. Yes. It's interesting that thing of, like, you know, people listening to this might not relate to the stand-up stuff,

but the idea of, like, friendships. Because I think that, like, there's a lot of talk, especially, you know, in the Manosphere, talk a lot about mental health these days. And it's that thing if you can't do it on your own. We've all got dispersed identities. So who you are is who you are,

but it's who you are with your audience, with your best mates, with your family, with your girl, and your acquaintances, your colleagues as well. it's that weird thing of like you kind of and you can't fix what's going on in there without having those links to other people it's such an important thing and I think there's a really good Australian thing where they talk about guys

that don't go to therapy guys men won't go and see a therapist but this woman had a father I think was very depressed after the death of her mother and she set up this thing it's like become quite a big thing in Australia now where it sheds because men won't talk eye to eye but they'll talk shoulder to shoulder So they just have to give them things to do They go, yeah, can you fix this bike? You know, all right? And then there's four of them fixing a bike

and getting everything done. And that's where the mental health or where the good thing happens. The Fed-Upy bike-shed. I think male friendship is always focused on doing something. All of the times where you're just like, I've never known any of us go, do you want to just come around and have a cup of tea

or we'll have a chat? It's always, we're going to do something. We're going to go and watch a match. I'm going to go. I like that. I get home and I'll have seen an old friend. And my girl will say, oh, yeah, how's this kid doing in school? But no, didn't come up.

I've got a theory about this, you know. We were fixing a bike. Yeah, but she's like downloading information. I'm like, nah, we're doing something. I've got a theory about that. I've started writing this as a stand-up bit, and I don't know where I'm going to take it. Yeah, but me thing is, right, I think men have figured out.

I think the way a lot of, and I'm generalizing it, obviously, I think the way women work is, I need to know as much about you as possible so that I know you're safe for me to be around. whereas I think the way men work is every new opinion I find about my friend could be one I disagree with so I just don't want to know

it's just I just want to know as little as possible it's like he's my mate because he supports Liverpool and he likes Guinness I don't need anything else we can talk about the match and we can have a pint why do I need to know what he thinks about anything like what I think there's a really interesting point there of like because there's a weird thing at the moment

where people think they have to agree with someone to be friends with them. It's like, what are you talking about? Yeah. It doesn't matter. You could be left or right. It doesn't make any difference. Like the commonality of just going,

we can get on and we have a great conversation is the thing. There's too much debate going on in our world and not enough deliberation. Not enough pints. Deliberation is like, you're trying to get somewhere with it. You having an interesting conversation.

You don't want, I don't agree with anyone about everything. Yeah, that would be insane. Of course. It's like ordering off the set menu. But like, I'm also aware that some of my mates might hate, my opinions so I'm just like just shut up let's talk about like I haven't even told everyone

what I think about most alley yet because I just because I don't know whether it's going to be the popular opinion I've just let I'm getting older I'm laying and just shut up and have a pint I think that's the key to solving the male loneliness and the divisiveness just everyone's shut up just don't tell anyone what you think about anything I have a pint and shut up and watch the match it's funny that you say shoulders a shoulder because whenever I have whenever I have friends called or text like say Adam I need help I need advice it's always a drive driving's great it's always like yeah

yeah let's go for a drive my favorite thing I think driving's brilliant going for a walk is great my favourite thing I had a friend come around who was like it's pretty bad it's about as bad as it gets and we just play pool but just for hours

just walking around the pool table and it was that thing where it naturally gives you a bit of a break and some thinking time and you're sort of doing something and you're not having a big cry conversation you're sort of busy okay we're doing this

we're having another game who's ahead who's not but it gives you that kind of permission just to sort of hold space for someone. But I think even subconsciously, I think we all already know this. Because like even in films, if two fellas need to have a chat, they're playing pool or they're sat at the bar next to each other. But if two women have a chat, they're sat opposite to each other. On the couch and the, or like on a sofa and a chair, like in the thing.

By the way, do you know, if you ever text me and was like, what are you up to? I might just come to yours for a cup of tea. I'd think either you're having an affair or you've got bollock. answer or something. Like, there's, there's no chance you're coming to mine for a cup of tea. I can't even conceive of sending that message. But I was like, you'll know it's bad if I'm like, listen, meet me in the shed. I've got some news. The car's the best. I think podcasting might be the best conversation men have now.

It is. I often have a thing where you go, it's the longest conversation that you've had is the conversation on the podcast. Because you can't have your phone out, you can't have the distractions. You have to focus in on the chat. I tell you what I love. This is, this is going to delve into the homoerotic. I love a sauna. I'm big into like sauna cold plunge.

A sauna with a mate, because you, because the phone isn't there. You can't have the phone there and you're in the same. It'll melt. You just, I guess we're in shorts. Okay. The only problem with that is, Jimmy, is when I'm on my own in a sauna and two men are having this moment and I don't want to hear what they're

fucking talking about, because they're morons. I think, I can't help who your friends are. I just, I want all gyms, I want a sauna, which is for chatting shit with your mates and having those moments, that's beautiful. And then I want a silent sauna

where I don't have to fucking listen to them. I've started wearing the earplugs that I wear at night. In the gym, after I've worked out, I put earplugs in to go in the sauna. Because I cannot hear this bullshit. I'm not in a municipal. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Jimmy did his sauna?

Oh, I want to. Now I'm going to have to buy a sauna. You're very expensive as a guest, Jimmy. Just tell the staff you want it free of other people. In our gym, people shave in the sauna and then... No, they don't. Yes, they do. Straight to jail. No, they don't.

Because I know you're sponsored by Manscape, but is this going to be downstairs or it? Just the face. Someone's just trimming their taint. Jesus. Yeah, they shave. So they get their cream out and they all shave because obviously it opens your paws.

Is that our rule that you're not allowed to, surely? I've never done. I always think that weird thing of, God, someone had a great bit on this years ago. Like, if there's a sign up telling you not to do that, that means someone did it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

So when there's a sign up saying don't dive in the hot tub, that means someone dove into a hot tub. Dove it? Oh, just do, like a swan dive into this. I'm sure it'd be fine. You can't be shaving anything in the sauna. Yep. Sauna, not steam room.

Either, genuinely. You can't shave in a sauna. The sauna closes your paws. I've seen to. Honestly, I thought the heat always opens it up. I don't think you should be able to brush your teeth at the gym either. That's starting to. What? In the toilet you can.

What gyms are you two going to? I mean, I wouldn't do that, but you can't... I've seen people like... In like the airport, people brushing their teeth that I find creepy. What are we doing here? Yeah, but if they've been on like a 12-hour flight and they're full of garlic and shit. But the gym, like, you can't be that far from your house or your hotel.

Don't like it. Where you're brushing your teeth. Do you shower at the gym? Yeah. Yeah, because if you've been in the sauna and then you do need a shower before you... I brush my teeth in the shower. We see, this is my... I've spoken about this before,

but my... I've got no problem. in the gym. I was in, I tour a lot in Europe. So I was in Germany. And I was in the sauna. Sauna's great. And a guy told me off because I'm in there and I've got my sweatshorts on. And a guy went, no, no, we don't wear shorts in Germany in the sauna. You just sit on a towel. Okay. I'll lose the shorts. Sitting in there, chatting to a bunch of German guys. Fine. And then you get in the cold plunge. Cold plunge is, it's what, it's less than zero. And they've got the, the water's kind of, so it can't freeze. it's just moving at all times.

I mean, it's bitterly cold. I'm doing three minutes in there. You get out there, I mean, you're rocking some baby dick. Fuck. No one's not rocking baby dick after that. That is cold, cold. Yeah, but then you get out, and new people walk in, and they've not seen you in the sauna.

And you thought, well, this is. Guys, guys, could you just come in the sauna fire for now and I'll give this a fluff. Below's here, oh, for the cold plunger. I go cold plunging here, but I get in, like, the baby one. I get in, like, the nine-degree one. It's all good for you. I want to do the Russian one where they go

straight from their sauna straight in a fucking frozen river. Oh yeah, I did that in Helsinki. They've got it where the coal... They've got the sauna and then the cold plunge is the Baltic. Yeah. And I tell you what the Baltic is. It's bloody Baltic, I tell you.

It's advertised. Yeah, it's advertised. They've named that for a reason. It's fantastic. Have you got a favourite country to perform in? A favourite country that isn't like a English-first language. So, like, not England or America. Like somewhere in Europe,

for Asia or one of the ones. Well, that's the one that... What? Now we're talking about it. Finally! That's the one. I got some heat for that this year. We've had heat for it for not talking about it.

There's a guy who comments on every episode and goes, another week passes and still no comment about the Saudi Arabia comedy postbook. Well, I like the thing. I mean, I'm very happy to talk about it, but I went over and did it and I mean, I loved it. And I like that thing of the... Well, there's a weird thing. The same people that tell me

diversity is our strength are the same people that tell me don't go there, they're not like us. Can I ask you though? Did you agree not to talk about certain stuff? No. No? No, I did jokes about Yemen when I was out there.

So you just got to do your own, your normal shit? If you come and see me at the show tonight, I did the same show I did tonight in Saudi Arabia, in Riyadh, in Riyadh. And they didn't ask you to sense any of it. I mean, listen, I didn't have any jokes about the Saudi Royal family in my set.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it would have been slightly obtuse of me to write some just to do there. but I just, I did my show. That would have been the bollocks, though. Like, if you'd have done that, if you'd have signed it and then gone, fuck you.

Yeah, I think this, I think this might have been on, this might have been filmed in a different way. That's all of the Emirates as well, isn't it? If you go over, it's royal family's like, that's their big thing. Not really, not so much. I mean, I think it's that thing of like, they don't want you to kind of come over,

like you're a guest here, don't tell us how to do our business. But it is that thing where you go, I like the direction of travel. I like the fact they clearly don't want be Tehran, they want to be Abu Dhabi or Dubai. You don't book me and Chappelle and Louis C.K. Because you want to shut down free speech. You do it. It's like a flex. It's you going, oh yeah, we can take this. And we like your sports and we like your culture and we want more of that.

And we want to start a conversation. Well, I want to be part of that conversation. I'm very happy to be part of that conversation. And you go, well, they're way different than they were even five years ago now. They've got more freedoms and things are moving in that direction. You go, well, that's great. And I'm very happy to be part of that. If you start, like, going, well, where can you play and when can't you play, going on a country's human rights record, I'm not sure whether you do gigs here. If it's going to, you know, if you're going to be that guy.

I mean, it's not, I think, to play devil's advocate here, I think the big problem I've seen with people seem to have with it is that they booked these free speech comics, like yourself, Chappelle, Louis, and Bill Bear, and Bill Bear got the most shit I've seen anyone get about it because of, there's old clips of his podcast being like oh Mariah Kerry's going to do

a corporate gig for this person who runs this country how bigs your fucking yacht got to be he had that attitude when it was you know other superstars getting a lot of money to go and do these gigs and then he's gone and done this one and everyone was like well you're doing the same thing

what I found quite interesting and obviously the internet always takes its own angle on all of this shit and they decide what you know how things were offered and they decide they've got the facts and this is exactly how it is. We had another Comic-Con

who also did it recently and it just didn't come up. And then afterwards we spoke to him about it and he was like, yeah, well, the offer comes through from my agent and I was like, Saudi Arabia, should I be doing that? And my agent was like, yeah,

it seems fine, like it's coming from this company and, you know, Chappelle's doing it, bears doing it. Like, I don't see why you'd not do it. It's a fucking a lot of money to go and do an hour to stand up, like, and he was like, oh, fuck it. Whereas I think the internet, had this idea that the Saudi Arabian government had rang Jimmy Carr and gone, hey, we want you to come and help us whitewash the fact we're murder and journalists for their free speech

by letting us use the fact we've booked free speech comedians for our festival. I think that's what the perception was. Now, obviously, the reality is often and is, in this case, very different to the perception and the worst sort of spin on it, the internet can take. I think it's a conversation we could have had about, Dubai and Abu Dhabi 25 years ago. Totally.

I think you would have had the same conversation. I think some people might have issues with you playing Hong Kong now or playing Singapore or playing any of the other places that you play

and they choose to go well that one's bad and that one's good. But I'm much more interested in the people than the ruling elite because you go, I played a,

who paid me? Well, I sold 8,000 tickets and they were pretty expensive so I got paid what I should get paid. And I love doing it. I love the fact that in that room of 8,000 people we did a little thing

because we had like long enough before the gig to look at the audience. I don't have exact figures, but I reckon there were 3,000 women in the room listening to my Haram comedy. And that's how progress is made. That should be the title of your next special, by the way. It isn't just like Haram comedy.

It isn't that thing where you just go, just change happens overnight. And we have to give up on the crazy pipe dream that the Middle East becomes Western Europe. They're very different places. They do things in very different cultures. And you go there and you respect. okay, they do things differently, it's okay.

I mean, genuinely, I think that that power of like, because I think there's a thing in politics called the Overton window. You familiar with this concept? I've heard of it. The most right wing and the most left wing thing you could say in polite society and still be invited back on the show kind of thing.

That's the Overton window of most left wing, most right-wing thing, right? And it changes over time. Yeah. And I think comedy expands the Overton window of conversation. I think you go see a comedy show, and part of the benefit is you have a great laugh when you're there. And the other benefit is afterwards you go for a drink or you're driving home with the misses

and you have a conversation that's just a little bit more open because you've been at a comedy show and he's brought something up that's a bit difficult to talk about and then you sort of start having the conversation. I think it broadens the Overton window for just in conversation. Which it has done for generations. Like if you go back 50 years,

comics were forcing out that Overton window. Yeah, like their jokes. I do that, when it all kicked off about this, And now that we're talking about it, we should, you know, have a little chat about it. Like, when it all kicked off, I fully, as, you know, generally on almost every subject, left-leaning political ideologies at my core sort of thing. I understood the criticisms of it. I totally did. I understand that, you know, certainly when the, I forget what his official title is,

he went and sat with Trump recently and he got quizzed on this journalist who was murdered, who, you know, the government. over there like we didn't do that but then it's like did they and you know there's a lot of grey area and who knows right i understand that if you are going to be and there's a lot of people who are professional critics of everything that happens everywhere if you're one of those people you're going to look at this and go they they're trying to sort of essentially comedy wash instead of sports wash free speech because they're going like let's get rid of the fact that we're sort of killing someone for their free speech by getting these free speech comics come and do thing and then it looks like we support free speech when our human rights record suggests

differently. I understand that criticism. I then seeing certain comics who'd perform there and very similar sorts of conversations as the one we're having now, where it was, you know, actually I think this, and Omid Jalili was the first one I see make this argument was, I think this moves the conversation forward. I think this festival, as, as problematic as you can deem it to be in this exact moment, I think it is a step in the right direction. It's that I direction of travel, you know, this is, this could become, you know, a step in the right way. And then I seen all their comics, comics talking about it going, what a load of bullshit from Omidji Lili and these other people who've done the festival, that's a load of shit just because

he wanted the money to whatever. But these are comics that I know have gone and done the laughter factory in Dubai. One comic in particular I'm talking about is I did the laughter factory with them on the same tour of it. And it's like we drove through the fucking middle of nowhere to get from Dubai to Abu Dhabi. And there was just a load of people in the fields. And we

went to the driver, what's going on over there? And he was like, oh, they're the slaves. And we're like, oh my God, he still took all the money and he still went back and done the laughter factory another time after that. So I think it's really, really interesting where people decide to draw a moral line. And often

it is down, you know, to opportunity. It's a very positive thing, whether you agree or disagree, it's a very positive thing to be talking about it. It's a very positive thing to be talking about, okay, there's different cultures and they do things differently. It's a good conversation to have. And I think people going, I don't want to play there. That's not how I don't, I don't fuck with that. Great. Don't. But I do. I think it's okay. And I like those people. I like the, I really like the Saudi people that I met at a great time. And, you know, it's okay to have different opinions. I think it gets back to

that thing of like, I don't want to know other people's opinions because I might fall out with them. It's fine. You can land differently on stuff. You can have the same information, land differently on it, and go with God. Do whatever you want to do. Totally. I think it'd be really, really great, and I think it would be really quite the moment

if that festival continues, if there's another one and another one and another one. And eventually that clause is not there. If they ever go, say what the fuck you want. I'd love it. I'd love it to be if they do it again and again and again and it becomes a thing every year. I'd love it to be that no one is dragged for hypocrisy. That no one is dragged for playing it in the future that went, oh, they shouldn't play that now.

Because that's the thing that you go, people change over time. That's what we want from governments. That's what progress is, right? Yeah. You want people to change over time. And yet we drag people for hypocrisy. So Bill Berg gets a tough time because he said that about Mariah Carey years ago, now he's choosing to go there and play it.

well okay people change their view over time let's let that happen that's fine that that's just growth i also think that sort of halt progress and stuff as well i know like there was a lot of podcasts that like trumped jordan the last election cycle and one in particular shultz andrew shultz podcast flagrant shultz's a friend of mine really good friend of mine he's been so sound to me and he's great and they had trump on i didn't like that you know i look at that and go why are you doing And then, since the election, because it's being pretty fucking horrific, you know, there's being, like, Schultz on his show as sort of turned and gone, I don't like any of this. I didn't vote for any of this. Wouldn't have platformed any of this?

Don't like it. Now, the criticism of that, obviously, is, well, you know, it was politically blatant. We, the left sort of told you what was going to happen and that has happened. But I don't really understand the point in, like, going, oh, well, fuck. you, you vote, you're like, whatever. It's like, well, these people have now changed their mind and they're now trying to join your side. So let them. I think there's a, there's a bigger thing going on there, which is about de-platforming. I'm not for it. I'm for platforming. I'm for having conversations. I'm for chatting with people. And we don't tolerate things we like. We tolerate

things we don't like. And we have a conversation. And there's no such thing as political violence. Violence is politics by other means. So you have a conversation. And you maybe have a conversation with someone that you don't find, you don't like him. But otherwise, what are we doing? We're just sitting in an echo chamber all sucking each other's dicks. We all agree about everything. This is great. This is how the world should be. That doesn't get us anywhere because you go, you can't, you can't just write off half the world and say, we're not even going to talk to them. If to listen to their opinions and talk to them. And I think there's a, there's a strange thing that's happened in this country where there's almost been kind of, and in America, almost a gentrification

of the left, where they don't listen to working class people. And they've become the party of the urban elite. And that's, you go, you've got nowhere to go if you're naturally a creature of the left. Yeah, you're losing your base if you ever want to win an election as well. Yeah. So the blue collar in America now have gone to the right. Because they just left that open field. That Overton window, they went way to the left. And then, so there was this sort of central space of going, yeah, we're concerned about regular stuff. Are heating bills too much? Gas is costing too much. The regular household bill stuff that people really care about. That's always kind of the top issue.

It's a really interesting time. I think more conversation. And if they depathom people... Or no conversation. And I think that's also a real... Just everyone shut up and have a pint. It's going to really damage the podcast, Adam. That's the...

No, but like we can do it. That's what we're... Just an hour of silence. And pints, though? Like a pint! Have no words? You have to change the title. Have no words.

But I think Camilla should have done the podcast. She should have done... Joe Rogan bent over backwards to get her on. We'll do it any time. We'll travel to you. We'll never travel. We'll go there. Bent over backwards to have her.

Didn't want to come on. Didn't want to have that conversation. I think that conversation is now, I think we've traded as a society, not just us, but the Americans globally. We've traded expertise for authenticity. We want people to seem authentic. It's that it used to be the old thing

people in politics talked about is, who would you want to go and have a beer with? And that's probably the person you're going to vote for. And so you want that person that isn't just doing sound bites that feels like, I feel like authentic. They seem cool.

Yeah, a podcast that's changed it from, right, you're on, you know, the news. You've got five minutes to tell us everything about your thing to, we're going to sit and talk until we get bored. And that might be three hours. It might be four hours, and it'll be as long. And I'm going to ask you questions about your policy and give you an unlimited amount of time to reply to it. But I'm also going to have an unlimited amount of time to question you want it.

I love that because I think it used to be, that thing of like, it was about sound bites and headlines. Yeah. And that kind of, you're summing things up, and it was very sort of limiting. because the conversation wasn't very nuanced. And then if there's a three-hour podcast, you've got nowhere to hide.

You're going to be you. You're going to leak. Yeah. I wonder if, like, it'll turn to the point where, like, the next election in the UK, because I don't think it'll be a key starmer, because everyone ate to him because he's a big ham-headed twath. Whoever's, like, leading the Labour.

I hope, like, this is going to go really wrong if he's not fighting the next election. No. It's up in my air, isn't it? Is it? Yeah. But, like, whoever it is, imagine if they're in here, and we're asking them, like, so care.

like you're two inches inside your mar your dar's two inches inside you do you go forward asking Andy Burnham what colours your fucking burn like do you have a little break yes have a break that was good though right

ladies and gentlemen just before we do this final section of this week's have away podcast go to tickerquarter.com.com. For the final 80 tickets for our show at the MNS Banker Eden on Saturday the 20th of December and if you're not already a Patreon

the fuck are you doing at your life, patreon.com slash have a word pod, the roast of have a word three has just gone live. One of the best things we've ever done. Major Netflix level production shot at the King's Theatre in Glasgow. And in addition to that, you get the entire back catalogue, including the two previous roasts and everything else we've ever done for three quid a month.

Fucking grow up. Go and do it. We've got some questions. I wish all ads were like that. I'd love it if the M&S Christmas ad was just something going, fucking grow up, fucking, 30 quid for a turkey, fucking buy it.

We should do them. Fucking grow up, buy it. But can you imagine how talked about that advert would be? It would be the adverse of the year. John Lewis don't need to spend seven million sending some old country. We'll do it for three milt. By the way, I made that mental by playing a bed underneath that. That was Jimmy Carr doing a scouse impression over some drum and bass.

It felt fun in the room. It felt even more mental on the podcast. Remixed that for the arena. Craig Gallagher says, stand-up question. I got a question for you, Lids. Been watching Reels of Lewis Capaldi on chat shows, and he always comes across really funny and has good comedic timing.

It got me thinking, who is a celebrity that you think would be a decent stand-up? Love the pod, keep up all the good work. And that's from Craig. Got any thoughts on that? I've hung a bit with Lewis Cabaldi. He is a really funny bloke. He's really, yeah.

He rips the chat shows. And very sort of self-deprecating and whatever, he's got that thing. I think he's troubled enough. And this is not a dig in any way. I think he's mentally troubled enough to be a great stand-up do you know what? He struggles a lot, doesn't he?

I think the goat would be if you have anyone in the world do stand-up that doesn't do stand-up, I think Noel Gallagher would be the goat. Noel Gallagher, yeah. Noel Gallagher does not give a fuck. He loves stand-up as well, don't he? Every interview he's ever done,

he's like, well, I tell you exactly what I think of that band, they're fucking shit. He doesn't care. He's like, he's just, he's absolutely authentic and himself in all scenarios. And he's got this incredible poetic mind, but then he's just fucking funny.

Jimmy, Finn's in his element because he's the biggest Noel Gallagher fan. I've been advocating for this for a long time. Really? Yeah. He's my dream guest. I had the best Oasis experience in the world. I went to see them live.

And it was like, no band are ever going to mean that much again. Because you had to put 25 years of your life into it, and then they were never going to get back together. And so it was like the treat of watching them are going. And then the next day, I'm like having lunch. and I'm telling these people I'm having lunch with Oh my God, it was absolutely unbelievable It was such a great gig

And then Noel walks in and sits down And I went, I sacked off my lunch And went, all right, bye I went and had lunch with Noel Much better. Yeah, that's more fun. That was better. Hang on, hang on, did you know Noel Gallagher already?

Yeah. You didn't just go. I was there last night. Hello? I'm also famous. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know, I know no pretty well. We got a fin to meet him this year

So he, Noel was backstage at the O2 After Shane Gillis's gig And I'd met Noel once before Because he goes to a lot of stand-up doesn't he? And I know how big of a fan he was And the last time I met him we had a good little chat He was like, I fucking know you from somewhere I think my daughter showed me some of your clips and whatever

And so I just went over And I was like, I've got to take the opportunity So I was like, hi, you mate, you know, all right? And he was like, oh, fucking hell, Scouse and how are you? And I got talking to him And all I was doing was, let's just try and bring Finn in for the moment of his life. So we got him to meet him. And then backstage afterwards, as he just, because he just went and spoke to Shane for 20 minutes and then he got off.

And as he got off, Finn just took, was like, can I get a picture of it? And he was like, yeah. And it's the worst selfie you've ever seen your life. But it's his absolute pride and joy. You could see his heart beating, he could see it through his clothes. You know that famous sketch of Shane doing a couple of beers? Yeah, yeah. A couple of cans.

Yeah, Noel sent me that. he's such a big fan of Shane Gillis the night that came out and whatever knows that now it's so good are there any artists because you just went to see Radiohead like I love Radiohead

I don't think Tom York's could stand up to be honest I think I think just in terms of people you want to meet like I could see the Oasis boys being quite good company backstage are you ever going to see a live show

and go I'm not going to go and say hello backstage is there any I didn't go and see Radiohead backstage I don't know those guys I met Phil the drummer a couple of times but I don't know I'm numb, so I would...

Yeah, I just feel like Radiohead, if they're having an off night, I just don't want to... I want to detach who they are with the music. I'm happy to keep those separate. Yeah, I mean, I think that thing about, you know, sometimes you meet someone and it's very nice and it's a weird thing

where you can kind of, there's a shared, oh, I know what that's like being on tour, you can chat about something or whatever, but it's just, it's fun. I think music, quite a lot musicians spend their lives on tour buses watching stand-up comedy. And equally, we spend our lives with headphones

in listening to music. So there's a nice kind of, relationship, but we're not rock and roll. We're kind of, it's that weird thing where it's, it's a great line by Robbie Williams got interviewed, and he went, I'm an entertainer in the truth sense. If you don't love me, I don't love me.

And I think stand-ups have got, we're sort of... What the fuck does that mean? It means if the audience don't love him, he doesn't love himself. That's his validation. His self, his identity, sense of self, is tied up in the audience reaction.

I think comics are a little bit different to that. I think we're stand-up, stand-up is like showbiz adjacent. We're nearly in show business, but we're not quite because, yeah, we want to be loved and we want to applause, we want laughter, but entirely on our terms. Yeah, yeah. Well, I'm saying this thing, and I'm trying to make it work,

and I don't know why it's not connecting, but I'm going to make it work, whereas showbiz proper is about, you know, it's what they think. It's different to being an entertainer and an artist. Yeah, the musicians ever walk off and go, they were just fucking too thick tonight. They didn't, yeah.

There's a work to do it. There's a bunch of female teachers at their back. They wouldn't fucking shut up. Also, I think as a stand-up, if you take yourself too seriously as an entertainer and go too big on the visual or the outfit or any of that, it takes away from the message you're trying to get across the purity of a joke, maybe.

You know what I mean? Like, I like that stand-up is slightly adjacent to that where it's not taking itself as seriously as a performance. We're supposed to laugh and make fun of everyone and everything? It just boils down to a guy talking. Yeah. But it's also the fact there's no barriers to entry to what we do. So no one watching us.

There's a weird thing where everyone's been funny. Everyone's done a best man speech or said something hilarious in school or been funny with their mates. There's no barrier to entry to that. So everyone's like done a little bit of what we do but then doing it like everyone's funny with their friends and then there's funny with strangers

and then there's funny with strangers for money. And everyone could have got on stage and tried that in front of a... There's never been a youth academy where you're like, you're just not good looking enough to be a stand-up. You're not looking like you've got the body for it. No, there's been no gatekeepers.

You're your own gatekeeper. But if you're only the bestest shot you've got, It's a newer thing because like there's been like the music's been there for the longest time right? It's that universal language which stand-up's pretty new, really.

Yeah. I think you trace it back what we do like selling out theatres it's like George Carlin and Richard Pryor right? 30, 40 years in it? Like that's new. Yeah. That's like new.

That's like you think this is like we get to do sort of things for the first time. Do you know the first time I ever? We talked about guys earlier playing stadiums. I think that might become a thing. If people have a good enough time, that might become a thing.

But arenas certainly were not a thing when I started. No one had done it. And then, like, I think it was Lee Evans, maybe that was the first. He started doing loads than me. I think he was the first one to really do it. But then Peter Kay, it's just like, it's nothing to him. It's like he's playing a club. The first time I sort of became aware or even thought,

because I grew up and was obsessed with it as a kid and that's sort of why I got into it. When I lived with Danny McLaughlin, it was the morning. It's such a weird sort of, specific day to be able to tell you the morning that the Brexit vote came in that it had gone

to like to leave Danny was so Danny catastrophizes everything doesn't he everything like is like oh we're all going to die and the aliens are coming and they're just going to bum us and it's all going to be sad so that morning he was like it's over he's like

economically he was just like really in a whole of it he's like I can't believe it and he was like stand-up's done it's gone and I was like what the fuck you're talking about and he was like it's it's gonna go like, people won't be able to foot it. And I was like, it's fucking like,

like an evergreen art form when he was like, it isn't. It's been around about 30 years. Like, that's it. And I was like, oh yeah. Like, he's absolutely right. What we do, comedy clubs and like, theatres is pretty new.

It's relatively new. Well, in the four years that it's been here, it's been recession proof. I did notice the thing, the last recession. I noticed the thing, no sort of dipping ticket sales. People didn't buy drinks in the interval.

That was the difference. Like people went, I've got to have a night out. I've got to go and do something. But I think it's that thing where when there's tough financial times, I think people go, right, we can't afford the new car or the holiday, but they're not going to deny themselves a night out. Some people need it. Like you can see them sometimes in the audience.

You see people that absolutely need this. They need to have this laugh. It's a way of kind of making everything all right. You might have to be their favourite stand-up. Like if everything's great, you might go and see five stand-ups that year. If things are tight, you are going to go and see a stand-up, but it's maybe just your favorite one or whatever. Yeah. Well, it's that guaranteed thing. It's like when you go to the festivals, whatever. You've got, you're guaranteed, I know I'm going to love that. And then sometimes you sort of take a chance on something. And I think that's what, that's why I love kind of that gateway drug thing of going, playing a big room. And then people go, right, oh, we had a great night out. It was really fun. And then we'll go and see something else in the theatre. And then they're in the clubs. And then they're above a pub somewhere watching new spots. It's like, the more you get into it, the more kind of you can get, it's easier the music as well to kind of get that thing of like, I've seen them on a few things. And then you follow them through.

And sort of, there's not enough of that at the moment on telly. There's not all that, because it's changing, the way that comedy's sort of happening. Television's bigger than it's ever been and smaller than it's ever been, because everything is television. Yeah. You know, at Facebook, we're in a class action suit in America recently.

The American government said you're a monopoly of social media, and Facebook went, we're not even social media. Only 5% of what they do is people talking to their friends and looking at their pictures. 95% of Facebook is people watching videos made by other people. that they don't know. That's television. Yeah. And Instagram is television and TikTok is television. Everything's television. It's been great for stand-up, though.

It's been incredible. Because there isn't a commissioner of that television. No. We've got a, we've now got people watching stuff on their phones that anyone can upload. So it's a beautiful meritocracy that it just never has been until five, six, seven years ago. But it's bigger and smaller. So comedy movies don't get made anymore. Like, I've got a comedy movie out this weekend. That is a miracle. That's a proper straight-up miracle because they don't make them. Like, if I say, oh, name your favourite comedy movie,

it's going to be Anchorman, or it's going to be Team America World Police, or maybe The Life of Brian, but it'd be definitely something from 15 years ago. Team America World Police is one of the best things. It's never not fucking hilarious. It's just so funny. I watch it about once every year, and every time I go, how do I not remember that joke?

It's so good. Those guys, they're just incredible. But they don't make those kind of big budget movies. Now, like, you know, the, whatever, the Tonight Show, being cancelled, loads of kind of American late-night things are kind of falling away, and you go, and people don't even want that job. It used to be that the biggest comics in America would desperately want that job. Now they go, no, no, I sort of work for myself. I do my podcast,

I do my gigs. I'm happy. Conan's the proof of that, isn't he? He's left his late-night show, and now he's doing his podcast that's as big, if not bigger than he ever was. And the podcast as well, I did his show maybe five, six times, I know, whatever I did. They stand up on the show, and then a couple of chats with him. And then I went and did his podcast, and it's the first time I met him. Yeah, yeah. And it was like, because the show is like such a well-oiled machine and you're sticking out an hour of live TV, a night, and you're doing the monologue and whatever. And it's like, the first time I really met him was doing the podcast. And we sat down and just had a proper conversation for an hour and a half. It was just glorious. It's just lovely. Yeah.

I have a chap with him because he's, I mean, such a funny guy. Yeah, but people are going to feel like that listening to you here compared to eight out of ten cats, which is really funny. It's, bang, bang, it's great. And then you actually meet someone and learn about them with a podcast. Yeah. No, it's a really interesting thing of like there. There's a, I think it's better. And I think it's kind of what's lacking in our society. I think people need more conversation. Like, everyone's kind of slightly,

it's not just working from home. People live from home. They get the food delivered and they're not going out to the cinema. They're watching stuff on TV or their phones. It's like... Convenience is the death of community. I read an article about it recently.

Like, there's also, no, genuinely, it was a thing. I know. But there's, there's a... There was a poet. I forget his name. And he said to his wife, or I'm going the post office to get like a stamp

to post this letter. And she was like, just fucking order it online. And then they literally pick her up from your house from brother. And he was like, no. If I go to the post office, then I'll see a woman

walking a dog and I'll chat to her. And then I get to the post office and I'll chat with the fellow in the queue. And then when I get to the desk, I'll have a quick chat with the woman who I've been at the post office every... He was like, I get so much more than the sending of a letter

by going to get the stamp myself. Someone said it the other day, it was the guy that invented the ATM died. And his wife never used one. And she kind of, she got it. I can't, my Philly.

She got it really early. She went, every technological advance is an amputation. Yeah. Everything we do that, you know, someone's out of business, right? Yeah, okay, great, we've got the automatic thing

that just delivers it buys drone. Yeah, but three people are out of a job. Yeah. Something's going to have to change. changing that. It's what Rob said about to two cars. I hated it, but he was right. But I guess who said his executive order would be every household has one car, regardless of two people with jobs. You have one car and you make it work. And I argued against it because convenience, but I could make it work with my wife. And it would add more to the

community because they have to be more of a person in the world rather than just in my car, car park in here, back to the car, back to my house. Yeah. Yeah, I think so. I think it's It's a really good point. But that thing of, like, they don't have to make public transport good because people have got cars. Yeah. So you've got to,

you know, I'm very lucky because I live in central London. So the tube is pretty good. Yeah. And it's pretty good. Social as well. But we're not building that in all the different cities. You know,

if you think about what's, I mean, you look at us and you look at China, right? What's China covered itself with? High-speed rail. What have we covered ourselves with? Oh. We covered ourselves with,

whatever, environmental reports. We do nothing. HS2 is taking us 20 years to write an environmental report. The fuck. And it's still not happened. Yeah. Is it ever going to happen? We're run by lawyers. They're run by engineers.

It's a very different mindset. Wasn't that the thing about Heathrow, they wanted another runway? And in the time that they were arguing about that, China had built 32 airports. Yeah. I mean, it's crazy. Obviously, they don't fuck around with, like, the parish council. Do you know the TikTok theory? Because TikTok's a Chinese company.

Yeah, it's the TikTok theory. So TikTok in China is very educational. It's kids learning things and skills and et cetera. That's what the algorithm pushes. Yeah. But as in the West, it's, Lane, this dance, do this silly thing. It's to dumb the West down so China can rise up. That is the daily.

I don't think we need their help, but, yeah. I think in the last five years, kids have become a lot, I don't know. They're using tits as a weapon. Who? What? The Chinese. The kids. The point, boobs on my TikTok.

Are you on a different podcast right now? There's some boobs on my TikTok. Are you starting an only fans as we speak? I said. They're using tits as a weapon. feels like that little bit there, and the way that you said that, if someone samples it,

I think that over a bit of drum and based, I think we've got it here. Someone put it on a drop. They're using tits as a weapon. Well, we've got all the serious questions, and I want to, you know, keep going with them. Hannah says, if you had to give up either pasta or rice, which one are you choosing to eliminate from your diet ever?

I'll tell you what's trying to tell on you. Pastor. They're just sending me pictures of tits. I would... Pastor is obviously unreal, but rice is so versatile. It's really tough. You've got to give up pasta. No.

I'm giving pasta up without even thinking about it. I'm giving rice up. Why? Fried rice? I just have way more pasta in my life. I think pasta's probably more versatile. Yeah, if you had to have one type of food for the rest of your life, you'd go Italian.

Yeah. Because Italian's got everything. It's everything. It hasn't got Chinese food. It's Nicked from China, but... Is it? Yeah, it's Marco Polo. Pasta's originally Chinese.

Noodles? Bolognaise isn't. Now they're all over pasta as well, yeah. The Silk Road draws pasta, yeah. Oh, I'm going with rice, me. Love a bit of rice, me. You're Turkish. They love a bit of fucking rice on the side of a little kebab.

Yeah, they do, but I have more pasta. Way more. You're not even close. Not even close. Jimmy, what's your road sort of, what are you doing restaurant-wise? Like, you're on the road, you've just turned up in Liverpool. Are you going out for a bite to eat before a show?

I like a steak. There's no place you can go that doesn't have a nice steak place. Yeah. But a nice steak is pretty good and pretty easy to digest and it keeps you honest. I can recommend the Hawksmoor in Liverpool. Adam loves having a business meeting

there as much as possible. A business meeting, are we trying to get something past HMRC? I'm with you. I'll vouch for you guys. Do you know what happened once, right? We all were like, we're all hungry, we fancy a steak.

We went to Hawksmoor and what happened was I went, I fancy a porter house, I'm hungry. so I got a port-out steak and then Carl was like I'm going to have a port-out steak and I think what really bothered Dan is that Stee, you got a porter-house steak Yeah, he did!

We went out for a bite and we bought Pastonando's and we bought Stee a hundred and thirty-four pound steak Why does Stee not deserve it? A hundred and thirty-four pounds? It was pricey. How big is this steak? It was bigger than Stee. It was about 80 quid

which, like, it was a good steak but he just resented by a steak. He was fat. It was fine with everyone else, just not this. Not this guy. They own the company. That was his Christmas bonus.

What should he have got then? Something from the children's menu? There's nothing wrong with chicken nuggets. I mean, I brought the price down if that helps. Yeah, because I just get sides. A side of mac and cheese. Why did you not have steak? Because I'm vegetarian and they take me to state restaurants.

What? I'm vegetarian and they take me to state restaurants. Okay. That is on me. Okay. I'll admit that. By the way, normally we have a fucking scanner. and try and find somewhere that

fucking caters to people like him. You regularly forget, though. Tell Jimmy why you're a vegetarian? I had an edible that was far too strong and then a chicken kebab started talking to me. Wow. And it was like, why you eat me, sir? I don't want to be it.

You had an edible that was too powerful on the chicken kebabs, not like talking to you. Yeah, on the plate. That's why you're... It wasn't talking, like, literally talking. It was like a telepathic talking to me. Yes, well, of course it was a chicken kebabs. Yeah.

That's how they communicate. Yeah. Yeah. It was four years in now. Yeah, no, you've had a breakdown. Yeah, yeah. You've had a full-on breakdown. I mean... And I'm fine, other than that, I pass out every couple of months just for no reason. Other than that, I'm fine.

Yeah. Okay. Harry in the corner over there, who's not mic'd up and can't speak for himself right now. I'll speak for you. Harry claims to be a vegetarian, but he does eat... like more fried chicken than anyone you've ever met. Yeah. Yeah, I'm all for that.

I'm pretty much vegetarian other than meal times. I find meal times tricky. But like, it's got to be like 22 hours a day. I'm like, full on vegetarian. It's like that. It's like, I'm putting a shift in. Never mind meatless Mondays. I'm doing most of the day.

This whole podcast, I'd be vegetarian. Are those shoes leather? I'm unbelievable. What? Are your shoes leather? What else would they be? It's not vegetarian Oh, it is? No, it's not

vegan, isn't it? Huh? No, is it? I don't know. I'm not a very good vegetarian. Veggie's eaten, isn't it? Vegan is any product? Right. I don't think so. Glad me clarified that. No, vegan's just like, it's...

It's no plant-based. It's all plant-based, no milk or anything. So, milk and cheese and stuff. But they're fine with leather shoes. Are they? No, vegans aren't? No. A lot of vegans are fine with leather shoes.

They're just like, they don't eat. meat and they don't eat meat animal products they don't eat them i'm willing to use them as long as they don't eat shoes no no you don't have honey either depends whether the pregnant and craving some bad stuff you don't have honey yeah we don't make the bees make the honey we just steal it from them was that with a gun trying to keep up with all of them right i remember when uh again when i lived in chester with danny we had car donnelly come and stay one night oh like car yeah and i walked into the living room with it with a pint of milk and a couple of cookies like to watching telly with

and you'd think I'd walked in with like a dead rabbit and was just like he was like what are you doing and I was like what you mean

a pint of milk yeah that's the best amounts of milk a pint of milk and some cookies yeah okay listen I don't know how

we're expanding the brand team meeting it's an exercise video for the new year huge in January and we just we basically the whole market

is on how to lose weight and get yourself in shape and we go another way we go another way that a pint of milk he's on the Santa diet yeah it's fine

it's a good it's a nice snack you know milk's just a little pint of milk man and a full sleeve of Oreos no do I like like the ones I sent you

I think oh wow you'll have never had these biscuits they're exclusively sold in home and bargain in the range and they come in a glittery silver

and purple packer and there's just there's some sort of like I think they put like MSG in these cookies they are absolutely insane chalk chips and they're all that big they're just magical oh gorgeous I'd pay so much money to go to home bargains with you Jimmy just to see what you home bargains I'm going to go ahead and guess it's a shop it's a good shop do you know what I think I actually really like home bargains I tell you for why keeps the scum out of Argos

She loved the idea that Jimmy's always in Argos waiting for his numbers to come up. Thank God for home and bargain. With a tiny little pen. Should we call that a podcast? I think that's a, I think that's a pod.

Wonderful. Jimmy, thanks so much for coming in. I like the fact you just lost interest there. You just went, yeah, I think that might be it. I just wait for a punchline and think that's a good out. Okay. It's pleasure seeing you guys.

Tell everyone where they can catch the film, how to watch it, where to watch it, Oh, okay. Right, okay. So if you're under 30, a cinema is like a TikTok, but it's big, and you go there with other people, and it's like the screen is shared, but you can't scroll, you can't swipe if you get bored,

you have to watch the whole thing. Just at home watch TikTok, you'll be fine. It's called Fackham Hall. I'm sure eventually it'll be be beamed into your head by Elon Musk. Good luck. Is, I don't know whether you can announce this or anything, but is, once it's done in cinemas, is there a streaming platform that it might head towards or?

Yeah. but I can't remember which one is in America and which one is here. It's either, I think it's on Prime Video somewhere and it'll be Netflix, I don't know. But right the second, it is in cinemas. It's in cinemas. Go and see it in the cinema and you'll laugh a bit more. He says cinema like you? Yeah.

Because we've been educated. All right, let's take Ray Man to the casino, see if he's really a math's genius. We can do it? He just wants pints. I've never left the casino with less money than I went in. Is he's got an ATM in there? You've still done that? We close with the song, Finn.

Have we got an upcoming very talented artist to play us out? I heard we have. This is the last single from my EP that's out now. This is all in your mind, and this is a tune called Night Sky. I hope you like it. Thanks so much for coming on, Jimmy. In advance of hearing this, I don't like it.

He gets it? We do that. It's great. I think it would just save everyone a little bit of time. If we all agree, we don't like it in advance, and then you can just pick on to whatever you're doing next. Don't do that, please. We do love him. Tell him you fucking massive.

I'm fucking massive, Jimmy. Well, that is. Finn K is fucking massive. You're not. You need a steak. That's true. You're wasting away. You don't know. Thanks for watching everyone.

Bye, Avalish. Your sun kiss dream Living in my own love She's holding me down still Because I just gone sleep She's all I see She's all I need Because I've been

Living all the line, thinking smiles Just want to know if you can see me tonight Maybe it's fine I'm running out of time Who wants to ever if it's only in your mind Just breathe Let it flow through We'll be home soon

And I know you'll be mine She's all I see She's all I need Because I've been Living all the life Faking smiles Just want to know You can see me tonight

Maybe it's fine Running out of time You want to live If it's on in your mind Oh, I hope I'm not the only one I'm not the only one Who feels like he did? Oh, I hope I'm not the only one who feels like this

Because I've been living on the line We're faking the smiles Just unknown if you're seen in night Maybe it's fine We're running out of time Who wants to leather if it's on in your mind Living on the life It's only in my mind