Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #365 with Andrew Mensah - Have A Word w/Adam, Dan & Carl

Episode Date: January 26, 2026

Tickets, merch and loads more available on our website! https://haveawordpod.comDan & Carl's Hip-Hop Night || https://www.skiddle.com/e/41781901Tickets for Have A Word Live shows as well as Adam and Dan's tours and previews:Adam's Tickets: https://www.adamrowe.comDan's Tickets: https://dannightingale.comCarl's Stream || https://twitch.tv/senseicarl_Finn's Music & Tickets: https://finnlayk.co.ukAs Adam and Dan said, don't miss out on all of our extra content, we've got one of the best value Patreons in the game. An extra 90+ minute episode every week plus loads of bonus content such as the now infamous Lockdown Lock-ins, the Nashville & Amsterdam specials and our Ghost Hunts! What are you waiting for? Sign up now at https://patreon.com/haveawordpod​Get subscribed to Have A Word Highlights: https://youtube.com/haveawordhighlightsListen to Finn's new EP: https://finnlayk.lnk.to/AllInYourMindThanks to this week's sponsors:Heights | https://heights.com/haveawordEnter code HAVEAWORD20 at checkout for 20% off your first month!Manscaped | https://manscaped.com20% off with promo code: WORD20NordVPN | https://nordvpn.com/haveawordEXCLUSIVE NordVPN Deal ➼ https://nordvpn.com/haveaword Try it risk-free now with a 30-day money-back guaranteeLovehoney | https://lovehoney.co/word_podcastLove how you love and take 20% off sitewide to unlock sexual happiness and discover a happier you with promo code: AFF-WORD20ADAM ROWE and DAN NIGHTINGALE are two award winning comedians from Liverpool & Preston, respectively. They are two of the UK's most highly regarded stand-ups and have both performed all over the world. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Wag-waglids, you're listening to the funniest podcast in the game. From the heart of Liverpool with Adam, Dan, Sensei Carl and Finn. This is the one and only. Have a word. Brought to you by Manscape, the very best products on the market for below the waist groom. Go, Ed, get on me. Hey. Hello. I'm getting sort of confused because we're bats recording these episodes, which you never normally do.

When are we? I don't know when this is. I think this is late March. Are we up the mountain now? Are we down the mountain? Happy Easter, everyone. I've got no idea. That's up something mad happens in the world

and we look dead insensitive because we look stupid or being insensitive. I think it's a really good attack we've taken recently of just going, I don't know. We'll just talk shit. We could just like predict some. We could do tomorrow morning.

I like it. Yeah. I like it. Oh, no. Oh, no. I can't believe Trump has invaded Greenland. And they've beat them. There's not there?

What's you doing that for? What you mean? They beat him. Yeah, they beat him. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know why he wants to invade Greenland? You know why he wants her?

Because he thinks, like, he can just stand on the corner being like, fuck off to Russia and China. That's why he's after it. He thinks it's got the green there, like the money. The Danish are like, yeah, you can have bases. You can have more bases. You have more troops at your base.

You build another base. And they're like, no, we need it. I think we need it. You know? For what? I can't believe Evan of Sanembape, welcome you to get him some games at. Great.

And having seen Everton play recently, fuck me, do they need a striker? Because listen, I don't know ball. But when you're at the school of science, I'd suggest those remedials up front. Dan's a Toffee, no. Oh, I'd love to be a Toffee. I would love to be...

Dad, you know what? You are a fucking great person to take the game. Why? He sang. Like, he was... Can I just say? Was it Evan? songs or it was just like hip-hop and then?

Everton. James Blunt. Everton. We were good in the 70s. Everton. He was singing. He was clapping when you should. He was being a good fan.

Right. I just, I will say this. I really enjoyed Saturday. I mean, it was a pleasure. Met up with Carl in town. The fucking chilly walk down to the old Hill Dicco. Just for people listening to this

who are in the future because this is two or three weeks down the line, this is a massive game between Everton and Sondland and the FAA Cup and Carl bought me a ticket. Now, I've been to see Liverpool with Adam and I, that was good. We're in the big old new main stand

and we were there with Shelby and her pal from one of the agents and she's American and it was kind of fun watching it with her. It was good watching Adam watch a game. I enjoy it. it. I had a little sing there because honestly, you take me to a Galatasarai match

I'll get fucking sectarian. And I'll just, I like seeing stadiums. There's a little bit of the kid in me who just likes to see the ground. It never gets boring, sitting in a football stadium but it was obviously going to be

a cold day. I rapped really well. We had a love, we had a great chat all the way down because you and me hang out quite a lot but it's, you're always doing something else aren't you? It was a bit like, do you remember when we started the podcast

and within about three or four episodes we were like, this is the most intense conversation you can have because it's just you and me, even when we did the hat radio part, it's an hour and 20 minutes going, bang, bang, bang, and it's good conversation.

So we had a really good catch-up and a chat all the way down. The stadium's gorgeous. It was a beautiful day for 40 and that is an amazing grat. It's a great place to watch football. It's the first time I've seen the ground proper. Because my season's like it's hospitality.

I'm seeing a place that doesn't really exist to the majority of the ground. Yeah, yeah. I walk in different entrance. I've got like a restaurant in a bar, which I actually... Tori, lad. Tori seats, lad. Well, you said you might.

I like me free pie, my free program, that's sick. But I don't sit, I do not sit in a restaurant in a bar. I go and sit in my seat. And also, you like to get to the game early. Yeah, yeah. I also went extra early with, a little bit extra early with you. Me and Carl were in. what was about 50,000 people there,

I think we were in the first 600. Yeah. And we were sat down. Like, I'm either. If I'm going the pub, then I'm sort of late in. Like, I get in sort of,

as the thing, you'll never walk alone for that bit. But if I'm, like, just having, like, a casual day. Like, on New Year's day, I took me mrs to the Leeds game.

I was like, well, I think I kicked off at eight. I was like, we'll just get there at 4 o'clock. She was like, because you just get to watch it all. You get to watch them come out and warm up and get to watch the two.

go, well, he's take shots at each other and shit? I love that. And I've never lost that and I never want to lose that. I love sitting there and watching, yeah, them warming up and watching moisterous thing and like, oh, he's, like, I love that. And we had three proper season ticket holders behind us who were doing such a great fucking,

I almost wanted it because it was quite a quiet little bit of the ground. We were next to a kid who was with his mum. Yeah. And I was, like, developing a whole narrative of like, Dad's not around. And she's waited. until it's like a 20 quid cup ticket and that's his big treat

and I'd seen they'd been to the shop and he'd got a little shirt and he was... He was... Give him 15 years and he'll be fucking into it because as soon as with Everton he was like with his little mitts on I was like good on your kid

and he was getting wound up yeah next time they can afford a flight over from Sweden mate you know mate he was from fucking he was a bootled he was purple bin and the three lads behind us obviously

they were trying to get the singing going and they were winging, but they were right. One guy wanted a yellow card for just wearing a red and white shirt. It was so, I really enjoyed it. The football... Terrible. So I'm a bit out of football.

So genuinely, Sunderland is basically granite jacket and I could just literally make up sounds and that would be the other players' names because I've not been watching it. I do know more of the Evanton players, but like two lads are at the Afcon, Relish is suspended and five, six inches. Is it Kevin Juesbury Hall?

Kevin, Kevin. Kevin, Jew'sbury? Kevin Jusbury. What's he called? Keenan. Keenan Jusbury Hall? Yeah. That's not his name, is it?

Yeah. All right, I've been calling him Kevin Dewsbury Hall. That's because you know someone called Kevin. I know, but it was like the Everton, it was like there's some ability on the pitch, and then they're like, where those four lads that do everything? I don't know what you do.

Literally, yeah. And Beto and Barry. Baddy was okay, Beto was like a dog. He's not very good, is he? No. For 30 million? But the last, the last... Beto's so shit.

Cost twice as much as Alan Shearer. Oh, my God. He looks... He looks... Fucking amazing. He looks like he's fucking six, too. He looks powerful. My God, he's...

Took a brain. But I really enjoyed it. Well, the last time I took someone the match, as a... I bought him a ticket, was a guest. a team in red and white against us a cup game and we lost on penalties what was that game

Southampton last year in the cup took Zerica we got beat and as soon as penalties started and we both gnost him off it's part of the deal you get free-nill on pens yeah so first James Garner scored a penalty in the 88th

it wasn't a very good penalty but he you know put it away but from what I can take out of his second penalty that first penalty that run up really tired him out because when he approached his second he looked like he wanted a nap we'll put him on the first in the shootout.

I don't think it was a good idea because then there's the instant mind games of the goalkeeper of which way is he putting it. He's changing his, you know, his preferred direction. He missed. The second to,

was better. And I went, oh, he did a little bit. We've missed two and he didn't get it. And I went, this is already over. They scored two.

And then Barry picked it up and the ground started emptying. I never went, yeah, it's fine. Yeah, but you got the authentic effort and experience there.

Exactly what I said. Really. enjoyed it. Part of me was like, should I just try and get a season ticket just to just to be a dick? Because I, like, I really did like it. No, but there is valet for you in choosing to be an Evanpton fan. Yeah. Yeah. No one ever took the piss out of me as a what for the fact. I mean, they did because they were like, oh, you're being stupid. But when you commit to it and there's obviously no glory involved, and then you're like, no, I really do, I liked being. Yeah, you'd be called a misery hunter if you chose

Evan. Me and I make crazy. When we got relegated to the third tier and then fucking won the thing, that was so good. And then got promoted to the Premier League, Norden, Vuta, in the Premier League. Everton don't do that. Everton just stay in this constant equilibrium of misery. Part of me was like...

17th to 12th every year. Maybe I'll just do it. Maybe this will be my new thing. I'll just be in Everton. That's what Johnny Bongo did. And he really committed to it. And then I was like, yeah, yeah. Johnny Bongo is an Everton fan.

He's not like, oh, that's my team. Johnny is as big an Everton fan as me. But the thing is, though, the one thing you can't do is you can't force this on your children. They have to stay Liverpool. They've got a Liverpool kit now and you can't put that misery

onto Jack because that's not fair. You can choose it. You can't do that to a child. God, my life is so much more scouse than it. I ever thought it would be. You think they're getting an Everton season ticket. Oh God. I've got Liverpool's sporting kids

and they're really into it. Like, they, like, if Etta sees Liverpool anyone, she's like, how did they do? I'm like, oh, that's maybe going to develop. God, I hope they're getting to the NFL. I really, like... Liverpool. No.

That's, I mean, that'd be a, that'd be amazing expansion team. I really want Jack to be, you know how you, you've got, like, aspirations of being a dad and having a son. I never really thought about it with that, because Etta was such a little fucking beaut.

And I was like, if we have to, after it. What do you mean by beaut? A beautiful. Oh, butt means like, Jimpier. Yeah. All right.

You're fucking beaut. I think I'm, I think, I think, I'm spelling it wrong. She can be a but she can be a beaut. She is a but, but, but, but, be a beaut. B-U-T-E. You're poor-and-bute. She's a blurt. That is what you said, though.

Yeah. But now, now Jack's getting a bit older. He's not showing, he's not old enough to get it. I really want to indoctrinate him into the NFL. Isn't it? It basically, it's school, isn't it? And you're going to have to really drive it old. Just homeschool them.

If you homeschool them and like just Matt's making about the NFL, English making about the NFL, science making about the NFL, religion making about the NFL, Woodwork making about the NFL. Like post? I'll get bored of the NFL. I got into the F-1 because my dad,

that's the only thing my dad gave a shit about and on a Sunday afternoon, that's what he was watching. And then you just, you just sort of can't help, but like take an interest. Yeah, yeah. Who got you into football? Who was the, was it your dad or your mom that were bothered? Granddad.

I mean, my ma wasn't... My mum... Neither of them were anywhere near as arsed as I am. My mum and dad. My mum's dad had a season ticket. And then he got an ulcerated leg. So he gave his season ticket up. Now, you know, there's two ways to look at that.

First of all, it's obviously devastating when anyone goes through such pain like that. And also, the really devastating thing is I would have that season ticket if he could have just chose to climb some stairs with a sore like... Hobble on. Yeah, you'll never hop on. alone, you know what I mean? Like, your mate will help you up to stand.

So it was in the family from there and my dad, my whole family on both sides, Liverpool fans. And yeah, they, they were into it, but not like to the level I've become into it. I started going to match

when I worked in McDonald's with my mates Nevin and Cooper because they were as good as season ticket holders. I think they were both season ticket holders at the time. And Nevin still is. And I started going to a few games with them and then away days as well i remember going to like villa birmingham away

leads away arsenal away and that's when i started like really getting into it and then once i sort started earning enough from comedy that i had a small disposable income whenever i could get tickets i'd go what's they deal with away uh because like i've heard united fans go i don't go i don't go home anymore like it's well better away because there's no tourists yeah it's it's proper united fans It's also not just the match. It's everything else that comes with. Sometimes the match is actually getting in the way of the away day. Yeah, that is the thing.

It looks like a boys holiday on a coach. Yeah, the away day is the coach, the, you know, arriving at the ground. Also, like, away ends tend to be noisier. Do you know what I mean? Because it isn't diluted by any corporate or like, yeah. It is a more sort of throwback, authentic way of going the game. And I do like the away days,

I don't go that often. I go maybe like two or three a year, maybe. That's it. And it's class every time. And it's normally when, like, one of the lads who goes to regular away days will go, I've got a ticket for villa or whatever, do you want to come? I don't try and get them because the lads who go to them have gone for decades or their dad didn't. And they've had like their away season ticket sort of passed down to them.

Oh, there's an away season ticket? No, but like it's, if you've got all 19 away games on your stamp for this year, then you'll get access to the first round of sales next year. Just guaranteed tickets. So you don't need that for Wiggin. Come along. Yeah, Wiggin are just like, please. Oh, Doncaster away.

I fell down the stairs with Doncaster away. That was a... That's like one of my favourite days ever. I think I'll have kids. And you fell down the stairs? Yeah, but we scored. We won the league at Doncaster. Oh, I honestly, your soul was just bractsic.

I thought you were just, like, leaving the ground and just went. What a day. Will Griggs scored and I fell down the, like, just bombed it down the stairs into this big club. proud people and just like fell. Class of. Like, I've done Barrow away. That's a shit hole.

These are very different away day experience. You can pay 15, 20 quid on the door and they're like, oh shit, you're here. All right, great. Gillingham away. Their away end is just scaffolding. There's no, I went to Gillingham away when all of the teams in League One were like Northwest or Northern teams. And there was no southern teams.

So no one went to Gillingham away. And there was cobwebs on the, on the way end because they never filled it up. The last few years, I've done Villar Away and I don't know if I've ever actually told the story of the time I went to Villar Away on the pod from the track day. No, it was towards the end. The track day in Wiggin.

Yeah. I went to, so I had, I don't know whether I've ever told this. Is it the one where you got spot on the front row? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So have we spoke about it on Pod though?

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I had a tour For those who don't know the story I had a tour show in Oxford And we were trying to

Our schedules were all over The place trying to get Patreon specials recorded And there was just one day That everyone could do But me and it was the Oxford tour date So I was like, I'll just postpone The Oxford date to a month down the line It's the smallest date of the tour anyway

It's like 80 people And we'll just push it down the road So because Will was like Yeah, we've done filming about 5 or 6 o'clock We were actually done filming by about 3 So I'd postpone the date We fill in issue three and Nevin

text me and was like, I've got two tickets for a villa away tonight to coach leaves Liverpool at 4 or 5 o'clock or whatever do you fancy it and Liverpool were going for the league title at this point it was us against city

Oh you were in you were like in a further of like that was that when we booked the arena was that 2022? Possibly. It will be because you were just yeah just in the zone

and so I meet up at Nevinford to tickets and he gives us it and it's got row one and I was like, right, we're on the front row here, that's quite funny. And then later that day, we won the game

and I'm on the front row going absolutely ballistic on Sky Sports on the coverage. And everyone who had tickets for Oxford was like, you know, when you had, you said you were postponing for filming commitments,

was it for the front row? It was you and an Asian lad losing their mind on the front row and they were like, yeah, sticking on Sky. That would be good. It looked like I just fucked Oxford off to go to the match.

So I've got a boss little story to tell you is from Sunday So Sunday was my birthday Thank you to everyone who came We all went for a big cassatalia And a few pints Now watching Carl not get his food on time Is a special experience It was vibrating

It was like someone had said Hey you know the guy at the end He gets a real foodtism Just hang his food back for about 10 minutes And then when it arrives 10 minutes After nearly everyone else is Get it wrong as well just as he was, you were like,

so I like, you were doing this? He gave me spaghetti cabaretta. I gave him a bark and he swapped it. You were like doing a hangary dance. Sorry. Because we usually, when you're at a table of people

and if you come together and if not, they'll waif you to eat, do I mean? Like the manners of just waiting. Oh, I'd scound everything. But everyone was just nailing this ground and I was just sat there,

a finger in my ass. And I, that didn't. Yeah, but you can't make people wait. No, obviously. I wouldn't wait for you. At a table that big, no, of course you can't. And it took that long.

also the garlic bread and cheese that he'd got to dip had been there for at least 12 minutes and he was like No you can't eat it It's for dipping I went bring that with the main And then they brought it out first

And I was like right I won't eat that because that's for dipping And then I was starving And it was looking at me And I couldn't eat it And yeah I was getting sad Yeah to be fair Like it was obviously a really big table

Cassette Italia is one of my favourite restaurants in Liverpool Proper homie Italian style food And I asked for chips with my bolognese because that's how my mum used to make it and they brought the chips house after I'd finished the bolognaise and I was like it was just too much for them on a Sunday in January

to do a table of 30. Anyway, I'd gone for two pints before the meal and then it went for the meal I had a couple of beers with me food and then went back to the same pub we were in before the meal to have just a little settle pint because I knew everyone after a big load of carbs

is just going to be a bit like ugh so lovely bath as well, lovely pub. It's a great pub in it? the two pints I had in there, they were struggling to go down a little bit. And I was like, is this going to be a really early go-home one? And then I was like, no, do you know what?

We'll just, after this one, we'll go somewhere a bit more lively. At this point, a few people defected. Harry and Ellie had to get off. I think Finn went at that point as well. Finn was going to come back. He had to edit the episode. He got to the studio and fell asleep. He never?

How's he? Oh, well, he told me he fell asleep at some point. Finn came in. Big fucking lying Welsh twat. I was streaming and Finn came in. I went, why have you left? I've got to edit and he went to know,

so I got bladdered out of nowhere and he had to stop. So he came in and sat on the oxygen machine and edited a little bit drunk. Oh, he had two Yeagerbombs with my missus like,

because he was trying to pay himself off. Oh, that out of nowhere. Got bloody. There you go. Um, so it was a Sunday and we were up that in the town and I was like,

oh, where can we go? That's a bit lively idea. Where'd you go on a Sunday afternoon? If you weren't lively that in the town, we'll go to Kroch. Oh, what's that? You've been the crock down on my stag.

The first night of the stag. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Crackhead karaoke. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is the sign of the apocalypse, by the way. The crock was shut. Wow. A Sunday afternoon and the crock was shut.

Like, I couldn't believe it. So we were like, oh, what are we going to do here? I was like, do you know what? Let's just go down Matthew Street. We want, like, lively. Let's just head down Matthew Street. And we'll, we were always sort of heading towards pokes to watch a bit of the NFL.

And then there's a jazz night in the grapes. You know, that side of, like, and we're like, if we just do a pub crawl that ends there at about half ten, like, because the jazz starts at like half nine, goes to about half 11, 12. I was like, that's perfect. We'll just get there for like, you know, the last hour of that. So we go to Eric's on Matthew Cee,

because it's a bit of live music on. We all just get like a shit like blue wicked or whatever. And I think I actually just got a beer, but most people were just thinking like alka pops and stuff. How lively was it? Because my mental image of Matthew Street is like Tuesday, 11.30 a.m. Everyone's fucking going for it. Was it busy?

It was busy enough, yeah. It wasn't like shoulders to shoulder, but it was good and there was a good energy. So we went to edicts and then we were like, right, well, we'll just do a little crawl down this road. And there's a pub on Matthew Street called the Grapes as well. And they do karaoke. So we're like, we'll go in there. We'll force Ross McGuire.

to sing and we'll have a pint in there. We ended up having two in there. And because it took a while for Ross's names we called for the karaoke. But again, that place was chocker and it was really good energy and we're all just like, this is just places we'd never normally go.

Yeah, fun, right? And I'm stood at the bar having me pint talking to Callum Oakley and his missus and whatever. And this guy come out to toilet to walk past us and he just had the absolute best like bore that mustache

I've ever seen in my life. And I was just in a great, mood and I just went, lad, you have got a mustache, I could only have a dream of having that class. And he goes, oh, thank you, man. Thank you. And I was like, oh, sick. Right. So he goes, he goes, he goes away and about 10 minutes later, he comes back over and he goes, hey, thank you for the compliment

on the mustache, man, really appreciate it. And I was like, oh, no. What? Are you gone the same place as me? No, I want to know. Oh, I, it's all good stuff. Oh, right? I thought you were going to get your dad bummed off.

Oh, no, no, no, no. He's not, he wasn't a homosexual. Okay. I don't think so anyway. Lovely pronunciation. It's clear it up. He was a homo sepia. He wasn't a...

So I was like, oh, a nice one man. And he goes, it goes, my name's Wyatt. And I was like, wow. Excellent. Sick, isn't it? Want it to be. And I went, oh, nice one, where are you from?

And he goes, oh, well, I live in Nashville, Tennessee. We've heard of it. And I went, fuck off. I went, I absolutely love Nashville. Like, I've been three times. And he goes, goes, no, you haven't? And I was like, he goes, are you from here?

I was like, but I've been three times. I got into country music a few years ago. Took like our whole, like, staff team. I just didn't like tell them what we did just year. Took our whole, like, staff team out to try and convince them country music is like a great thing. No one really fell in love with country music, but they fell in love with Nashville. And I love Nashville, even more than I love country music now. I just loved the city.

Fair assessment. Been back a few times since it's amazing. He's like, so like, where have you been where, do you know? And I was like, well, obviously we did Broadway. I was like, but my favorite bit is like the east side. And he goes, I live in the East Side. I was like Lakeside Lounge, Shulmans, Dinos, uh,

the dukes for the sandwiches at least at night, bad luck, beer club. He's like, what the fuck's go? His edge just starts falling off. That is metal. So I called Jackover. He goes,

he goes, Schulman's my local, man. It's my, if I want a beer, that's where I go. Like, I live around the corner. It is,

is, like, no tourist knows these places unless you know someone who lives in Nashville to show you. It's like, you go into Nashville and someone knowing the booze of my ass. Like the baddies?

Do you mean? I don't know. head would fall off my shoulders. You know the berries? No, that is next level. You know, I know Matthew Street, but I love hiding. He said the baddies me head would fall off.

So I call Jack over. Now, in the grapes, Jack knew he had bowling the next day. He started a bowling team with Johnny Bongo. So Jack was thinking of taking it easy. So when we first got to the Matthew Street grapes, that's right. Jack had gone, I don't want to pint in this round.

I'm just going to see whether I'm going to have another drink here. and obviously you get to call gay and everything else by everyone in the group. And we're like, yeah, yeah, whatever. He's like, yeah, I'll just see. So when we got the second round, he was like, go on, I'll have one more pint. So Jack's having his now first pint in an hour and a half

at this place. And I was like, why is he lives in Nashville, Tennessee? So I was like, you've found the two people in Liverpool who love Nashville more than, it's a medical you found us too. Like, there's just nowhere, and we just start talking. Anyway, there's a girl Jack knows from Nashville who we'd met out there, he was talking to.

And Wyatt knows her best mate, who we also met on the night when we met here in Nashville. And he's like, this is just impossible. So we start FaceTime and this girl

and was like, oh my God, I'm with these guys in the grapes in Liverpool. And like, it's mind blowing. You know what I mean? And we were like,

so what are you doing? He's like, oh, well, I'm traveling the UK. I was meant to come with me, mate, but he had some passport issues. So I've just come on my own. and I've just been to Scotland and the Highlands. I'm going to Manchester tomorrow

and then down to London and Brighton. I just want to see all the UK. He's like, but I'm a huge Beatles guy, so I wanted to come around here and he said, and also, you know, I had to come here

because I'm a huge fan of jazz and the jazz started at half nine, doesn't it? And I was like, you're in the wrong grapes? I was going to say, was he in the wrong grapes? I was like, you're in the wrong grapes? He's like, what do you mean? I was like,

there's two grapes and you're in the wrong grapes, but the miracle is, we're heading to the right, Gates. And he's like, oh my God, he's like, oh, maybe I'll see you there. So we, like, I'm half expecting Wyatt to come through that door, you know. And he's the guest on today's episode. So there's also like other tourists in there. Like there's a girl from New Zealand who's like, like comes over and tries to start talking to us with their mates and stuff. And then she starts talking to him because they're both tourists and whatever. And as they're having a conversation,

we all leave to go to the next stop and the pub crawl. And as we get like 20 yards away from that pub. Jack Finnegan just goes, we can't leave him, you know. Like, he needs us tonight. So we'll go to the Temple Tavern, which is like a new Irish pub where Reese used to be on Matthew Street. And Jack goes, I'll meet his day. I'm going to get him. So he goes back in and just goes, look, like, you should come with us. We're heading to the right grapes. You obviously wanted to go and see the jazz. We'll make sure you get there via a couple of other decent pubs. And also, like, you've done the Beatles thing around here. This isn't the good place to drink. We're drinking, like sort of ironically around here

because it's Adam's birthday and we're just going to head to some good pubs that you'll really like, why don't you come with us? And he's like, fucking yeah. So he turns up at the temple tavern he finds out, it's my birthday. I bought a round of drinks and shots for everyone. And then he did this American thing of being like,

why are you buying drinks and shots? It's your birthday. And Keelan, my former housemates, and he's obviously being very hyperbulous, why it's going, no, no, you should have. be buying the drinks, you shouldn't be writing a drink, Keel and goes,

fucking leave him, he's a millionaire. Fucking millionaire. And I heard him go to Keelan, what does he do for work? And Keel and goes, he's a fucking comedian. And he goes, yeah, but what's he do for work? Because he just thinks, like, we're just out for, he's a drummer as well. Wyatt, he's a musician.

He thinks, obviously, we're just doing stand-up on the side. So he comes over to me and he starts talking about American comedy, and he mentions like Schultz and Gillis and stuff, and I was like, oh, they're my mates. And he's like, he's like, no, they're not. And I was like, no. Why, how have you not learned?

I'm not lying. I was like, no, they are. And he goes, what do you mean? I was like, well, a few years ago, like, I met Andrew when he first come over here. He was like, you've done Flagrant? I was like, yeah, yeah. And I show him the pictures. His head is like falling off.

He's like, dude, I watch these guys all the time. You're just like homies with these guys. This is fucking crazy. Yeah, we're homies. Homies. And then we just start drinking and drinking and drinking. I countered. yesterday and I had 21 pints of Guinness.

I wasn't even that drunk. It was just, it was a good... That settler really did a good job though. Really, really did. We go to Pogs. They put the NFL on for us with the commentary with the Eagles. Unfortunately, the birds lost,

so I need a new team now. Oh, they out, no? Yeah, there, I was... And everyone's out. It's great. Changing the guard. We got to the grapes and the Jazz Night was on and it was just fucking class.

And, I mean, I suppose I can just... We could put this in. went gimpie, he stayed sound. He's the coolest soundest guy. Great. Do you want to see Wyatt? You've just made a new friend when you go to Narshville. Sounds like he's playing an instrument.

They got to the jazz. Oh my God. Oh my God. Put the video in. If you see a man like that who... He looks like he's in disguise. You have to inherit him.

He's a Jewish Mr. Potatoer. You've got to... What? What am I expecting to see, yeah? Oh, yeah. Honest to God. While the story's going on, the person in picturing is like,

McConaughey. That is Borat Sagnar. Wow. That's fucking... That is Borat, wow. Yeah. Oh, what a fucking ledge. Yeah.

That is... He can never commit a crime. Got his Instagram. Because... But yeah, the next day. I picked Jack up to go to the match. And I was like, how is your day being?

He was like, yeah, I've been a bit rung over. And he went, but, lad, he went, I've just been thinking about Wyatt all day. And I was like, what do you mean? He went, no one's ever had like a cooler coincidence. He's like, we're out for your birthday. Like, we choose to go to Croh, but it's shut because we want karaoke for a little bit. That has to be shut.

The first Sunday, the crock has ever been shut. So we go on this sort of piss take ironic pub crawl of Matthews. Street. We stop ourselves from getting an extra round in Erick's so that we can go to the grapes that we're all like, oh, this is the shit grapes. And then there's an American from Nashville, Tennessee, who's best mate to with a girl that I know from Nashville.

Who you only spoke to because you pointed out of his mustache? Yeah, who we only ended up in a conversation with because you complimented his mustache come out of the bathroom. Which, by the way, isn't one of your usual moves, I don't think. No, it's not. It's almost a, that's a little bit of a, a side step. You've never

complimented my moustache. Wow. It's not as good. Yeah. The madness of, if you didn't mention there, to him,

the proximity of him to you, never meeting with all these things is insane to think about. Yeah? Like, that might happen a lot

where you don't realize you're, fucking fly them from where you've got. It's impossible. Yeah. And it's class. Yeah. He was in the wrong grapes

and we were in the wrong grapes on papers. Yeah, he's had a fucking night there. On it, we were walking from Matthew Street to to Po.

and there was a couple of people who stopped us along the way. Like, a couple of people we know and other people would just be like, all right, like podcast fans and that. And, like, his head is just like falling off. And Jack Finnegan, who is like normally quite sort of subtle and humble in like a lot of his ways and actions. Like this wire guy is like, this is so crazy, man. And Jack went, yeah, I'm not going to lie to you,

lad, to be honest with you. Like, you have got dead luck here. He went, there is just not a single group of people who are better place to show you around it for a lot of Sunday. You've had a fucking resulting life. It's so sick. He'd be sick. Have you got over there and have a bevy in his guffs?

Yeah. Yeah. I hope Wyatt sees this. Wyatt is a cool name, man. He's a drummer. Is he a jockey as well? He's lowering cats. I want to meet Wyatt.

All right. Let's have a break. And we are back. If you're enjoying this episode, you sign up for our Patreon. It is the biggest in the UK. one of the biggest in the world. You get the public episode early, 48 hours early.

You also get an extra episode every Wednesday, us and the boys having a great time. That's the exclusive. That's always the funniest stuff we do. And all the specials, the massive back catalogue of Patreon specials, this is why we are the biggest in the UK. We put out a TV production level special every month. We've been all over the world. We've done lockings in here.

If you love this, you will love the patron. Patreon.com. slash have a word pod from as little as three pound a month you become part of the lid army. If one of us dies on Kilimanjaro, are we still going to put the special out? Yes, what a teaser that will make for socials. One big last one.

Also, if you see the stuff that we've made and gone, oh, yeah, I've seen that years ago. When you sign up, you can watch it all. It's all there at your fingertips. You don't have to go, oh, I have to pay for more. Three pound gets you every time. If you haven't got any fingers, you can use your toes. Yeah.

And we allow that. We allow that. It's your toe tips, isn't it? not your toe tips but it's your fingertips, not your fingers I think of just rumbled something there you know here you go, Illuminati

If I get shot and killed in Moshi I think that will be a beautiful irony that everyone can enjoy If one of you and I would be great I don't want to go to the mountain It's scary And then I get killed Yeah, if you die out of year

That will be funny Even as I die I'll be like Yeah, I deserve this Yeah I'm careful what you wish for me I'll be safer on the mountains I think we're going to, oh, what? Who are you shooting?

The Poff brigade. Puff, puff, puff. It's an air gun. Strong one. I think we're going to starve out there, you know. I'm really, really, really anxious about what we're going to eat. Do you reckon that's part of the reason why you would have been anxious to climb? You're taking the piss.

Never considered it for one second. It would have been an issue for you though, wouldn't it? What? The food. The food at the bottom is the same. Oh, we've got a private, like, Michelin-Star chef climbing with us? Yeah, but he's not making what Dan like. because Dan doesn't like Michelin Starfish.

I think you're getting me hungry enough. I'll eat most things. Right, okay. I never, I never considered that. And also, have you seen the menu of the gaff that we got sent the other day?

No. Fine, Harry. Also, you eat shitloads and then pretend you're a vegetarian. No, I eat, a bit of chicken. Oh, there's already a rifty

I'm used to when you're old as well. No, he's fucking, he's fine. He's going to have a lovely time. I'm not eating goat. You're not making me eat goat? No one's eating goat. Alasked some goat.

We're probably eating all. I don't know about me. Well, we've recorded 72 episodes in the last 14 days, so it's time to whip out, and this is a high risk. Oh, yeah. Underrated, they need your wives with a show. This has been a while. This is on you, guys.

This is on you. Stephen Critchley says, overrated, underrated, Biscop. In all forms. Well overrated. It's nice, but that's it. But everyone seems to wank over the stuff, the same way they did over-salted caramel. Well, you've lost me there, Stephen,

because when they put salt and caramel, they up the caramel game. It is sneaking in to overeating. This with Bisk off. Fuck off. You're meant to go next to a cup of coffee and fuck off, whatever. It's just a bang average biscuit

and it's managed to infiltrate like the entire dessert game. Easter eggs have got Bisk off in and aubon. What are you playing it? What is it? A slightly nutty caramel. What's the flavour? Biscuit.

It's like a... Is it biscuit and toffee? Is it a Trophy-flavored biscuit? Biscuit. Something like that. And then they grabbed it up and turned it into like a spread. So it's just a shit toffee flavour.

Very overrated. Yeah, but that man's got a sweet tooth. I love a bit of caramel. I think salt of caramel is overated as well. Just have normal caramel. Where you put salt and everything? Got it in bed. Because sweet and salt is a better flavour

profile and it's more balanced. No, just the caramel. I'm not listening to you about our food ever. The caramel that's inside like a dairy milk, that's the top tier caramel. Yellowy caramel. When you start putting like fucking sea salt on it,

you're ruining it. You ever put salt on a bit of chocolate? I've put salt on a bit of ice cream. Good, like, just big the thing. No, but I don't like salted caramel. I put balsamic glaze on a bit of ice cream. That's quite nice. Oh, you're a fucking...

That is a sex effect. Child shagger. Peterpiles not enough. That's too overplayed. It's weird. You shag children. Did it work? Yeah, it's great.

But you don't like salted caramel. No, I don't mind salted caramel, but I think it's over, like, you don't have to do it. Why did you do that? Why did you put balsamic glaze on ice cream? Because it said, on the thing, it said, like, you could maybe put it on strawberries.

It was strawberry-flavored ice cream. Hello, love, can I have very good ice cream, please? I don't know anyone who put it on strawberries either. I did put it on my sprouts on Christmas Day. I made some good sprouts. It goes with everything. It doesn't. It doesn't. It doesn't go with ice cream.

It does. The best flavor of ice cream I've ever had is blue cheese and pear in San Diego. It goes on in Wigan, La. It's in San Diego. San Diego. San Diego Wigan. A Wales vagina.

But I tried it as like a bit of a taste there. I was like, oh no, that's fit. And they had two scoops of it. But he won't eat to fish. No. I ate boo cheese.

Because blue cheese wasn't alive. Do I mean, that's where it, the chicken bits are an anomaly. If you take out the chicken bit, it's the fact that it was alive. Cheese is live. No, but not a lot. You can't have a conversation with it, can you?

Can you have a conversation with a fish? You can't. It was, like, it was. like it still looks at you he has eyes and that when Julia ate the eye in the Chinese restaurant

that freaked me out because he looked through those eyes yeah the one in Mr. Chili's is it's deadly it's almost like you it wants to go and everyone left it at my part of the table the entire night

just looking at me and Julia going extra Polish and trying to eat the eye just oh that was so good so would you eat a beggar from a cow that was blind the eyes as the sticking point is the fact that it had thoughts

and that, do you know what I mean? Do they have to be like cohesive thoughts? Yeah, well, it can be like, oh, grass. Do you think the thoughts are like bedded into the meat? No, it's the fact that it's alive freaks me out. And if you take out, take out the chicken bit, because I don't know why, that's just because it was the only meat that my dad was able to force me to eat growing up.

But like, if the fact that it was alive freaks me out, oh, an octopus, weirdly. Although when I had that... Octopus and chicken, but that's it. but when I had... No, but octopuses just aren't things. They're like the cleverest fucking creatures, on it?

Literally one of the most intelligent animals on the planet. Well, do you know what? I thought I could have octopus, but I heard that saying, you know. And Jack Finnegan now no longer need octopus because he watched my octopus teacher. Yeah, totally.

But like, they're not one of the most intelligent animals on the planet or they'd all have fucking jobs and Bugatti's, wouldn't he? And they haven't. No. Because they'd have to pay tax. They're smart.

Jobs and Bugatti's are bad. tax dodging little fuckers I just ate that when they're like oh pigs are dead clever you know they eat poo yeah when the last time you seen a pig drive a car hang on wait in relativity to you know

us as a species who went to space yeah but in comparison to the rest of the animal kingdom I don't think we did go to space by the way just no we don't go to space we did go to space we don't know that

Katie Penny's been to space she says so dogs have been to space yeah I believe that they never came back from space but they went to space but I think they mean compared to other animals,

they're very intelligent. Like a dog is smart as and a crab, any of it? There's levels. There's levels to this shit. Until they can both talk and we can ask them some questions, we'll never know.

There was that crab that talked in Little Mermaid? So do you think being able to talk is a sign of intelligence? No? Because Stephen Orkin couldn't talk? He's one of the most

parrots are nailing it. Yeah, parrots are more intelligent than. Stephen Hawking. I'm not saying the fact they can talk makes them intelligent because I know some fucking idiots

who won't shut up. I'm saying we can ask it questions and find out how intelligence it is once it can talk to us. Yeah, but you can convey intelligence through other things other than language. Yeah, like if a dog can solve fucking differentiation

or Pichagina St theorem somehow and communicates, hey, A square plus B squared equals X squared, woof, like whatever. They have to add the woof just because I'm a dog in the end, you know. But like, until it can do that, oh, like, oh yeah, if I throw a bullet,

He knows exactly where it's gone. Any fucking idea can do that. Well, there's like a rang attack. A fish can't. A fish can't fetch. It can. A fish doesn't have the ability to fetch as good as a dog does.

What are you basing your information? Not in the pot-hawk, no. No, what I'm saying is there's levels of intelligence of different animals and pigs. I mean, I don't believe pigs either because they do. So do you think octobuses can fetch? I imagine in the water they could do, yeah? Yeah.

There's very interesting. Why can't fish? I'm just saying I've never seen a fish. Not all. I'm just giving fish as an example. All right then, fucking badgers. Yeah? Yeah.

I'd love to play fetch with a badger. Proper hips to move that. It's going to park with the badger. There was that fish that play Pokemon Red. No, there isn't. Complete. Complete. Is it?

Completed Pokemon Red. Yeah, Octopus's picked the World Cup results. Yeah. They picked a scrander it wanted. They got lucky loads. Well, yeah. That's how they won money. It's not likely, though.

And then they don't pay tax on the winnings. Fucking octopus, man. What do you mean? A fish completed Pokemon? That's got a poseable thumbs. No, someone set it up where the fish tank was like, each part of the fish tank with different buttons. And the fish was like playing Pokemon Red.

And it completed it. And it completed it. It got through Team Rocket, did it? It did the missing? No, cheating. Yeah. Yeah, so Stephen Critchley, Bisk off, overrated. I love pulling it.

from the bullshit. Shannon says, underrated, overrated, yogurt. I could live off yogurt. Underrated.

Hey, tell you what, if you want to lose a load of weight and up your protein, fucking get on the yogger game. Isn't that massive

overrated? Oh, it's class. I have never been a jogsman until my fitness journey. I've got the

coconut-flavored Askaya yogurt, and I have a high-protein granola. Fuck me. That is Goodscan. We have five yogurt.

It's disgusting. It's... Oh, I have yogurt. There's some granola, lovely, M. Massy bowl of that, 60 grams of protein. Obviously,

I'd like to eat better food. But if you're restricted, that is good eating. We only get low, low calorie fag yogi. And it's like, we'll have like, what yogi?

Fag. Fag. Fag. Fage. Oh, sorry. Fage. That's all that I could get. I like a muller corner.

You like your career? Is everything all right with it? What's up? All right. Listen. Play on. It says on the butt. It says on the teatub fire.

I like a banana. I like a banana mullochone with a chocko crunch. You can put weight on them from yoghut, though, because I used to eat like... Yeah, well done. I used to eat... You can put weight on with eating rocks.

No, but Dan's saying like you lose loads of weight. But I used to eat like... litre tubs of onken at uni. Why am I putting weight on it? I'm eating litrethubs of Olkin? It was like... Yeah, after getting a takeaway? It'll blow to me.

Just for lunch. Just for lunch I'd have like... I don't know what... Because there wasn't any cooking involved. I'm getting a weight, mate. I don't know. I've had a couple of litres of Olkins. Yeah, I'm having these 900 calorie snacks and it's... I'm really piling it on. Yogurt's a fucking myth.

It was like... Well, I didn't really understand calories that. But it's like... It's like... Passion fruit. mango or whatever, and she used to eat all them, or the strawberry ones. You were just like, their fruits, that's healthy. Exactly, but a litre of it makes you, like, my...

I think a litre of anything's bad, then. I can't think of a litre of anything that's good, except for blood. Water is blood. In your body, I mean. Right, okay, good. I'm drinking a liter of blood, and I don't think it's good for me. Calories. Isn't it any calories in blood?

Probably, yeah. I reckon it's, yeah, because all of the sugar's in the blood, in it? How much blood can you drink? No. Ask Hillary Clinton, mate. Go on. Oh, Hillary. Killerie.

Killerie Clinton. Google her. How much blood can you drink? According to Hillary Clinton. I'm sure that's in a... A litre of yoghers for no reason and six takeaways. Isn't that in Fight Club? You can drink a liter of blood before you pass out.

Depends what you mix up. Ingesting blood is generally unsafe and not recommended. That's what the elites want you to think means. That's how they want it all. That's why Hillary Clinton looks so good for their age. Yeah. an overload. She looks terrible.

You don't know how she is? She's 213. She looks boss. 38. You get iron overload. She's 78 years old Hillary. Yeah, that's what she says. To be fair, she does look okay for 78.

She's drinking on the blood? Yeah. Well, blood will have, like, because if you, if it's a fat person's blood, they just add, like, a litre of yogh. There'll be loads of, like, sugar in the blood, don't they?

If we have your blood after you've eaten a liter of oncology. Oh, if I was a vampire, I wouldn't go for faties. Yes. I don't know. Do you know what I mean? I saw a guy in the fucking sauna the other day. Oh. Yeah.

Go for her. If you're a... He's lost a bit of weight and now he's all faphobic. I'm going, you saw a guy... He's left his people behind. They're disgust and how'd he done? You saw a guy in the sauna and your thought was, well, if I was a vampire, I wouldn't eat him.

No, I'm linking the two back. I was like, I wasn't sat in the sauna going, God, he's sweating low. I wouldn't drink his blood. But I wouldn't. I, even though as a vampire, surely them big lads. That's the win, in it?

That's like an all you can eat buffet. But you never see a fat vampire. Maybe they do avoid them. Because they don't eat, do they? Yeah, but if they're drinking like fat, blood. Maybe in this locality then? Because the implies are quite skinny. There we go.

What was the question? Come up Biscoff. Yogurt. There you go. Get on the yogs, mate. Tony says, the whales are about to come off. Canals and canal boats. Fuck off. Underrated, overrated.

I went on a canal boat holiday. It was great. Got to do the big docks and everything. Like, I don't mind a boat, but surely the canal boat is the shitters of all the boats. Is that just me having not done it? I've done it. Seneca's mum thinks she stopped now. She, uh, charity owned one and they took kids on it, like kids with special needs for like a day out.

Yeah, but that's the best type of boat to take special needs kids on, isn't it? Because you can fall far. And I'm not making any link here, the slowest of all the boat. Yeah. And also if you're taking special needs kids on a speedboat, someone's really not done the risk assessment. Yeah, she hasn't got a speedboat on a little pooled Manchester canals. I think you kicked off.

I don't think you can discriminate. I think if, you know, a special needs kid comes to your speedboat company and asks for the keys. As long as he's got money, his money's as good as anyone's. Talk me through it. The special needs kid comes with money and goes, listen, listen, I know I'm only eight. But my two grand is as good as anyone's. No, they have to be a Vage. Special needs.

Doesn't discriminate. It can be 18. Right. How old do you have to be? To rents a speedboat, 12, 13? Over 25. No, that's a van, in it? Oh, right, yeah, yeah, it's a speedboat.

You do more damage with a van than a speedboat? Easily. As then you could hurt more people on purpose with a van. All right. Al-Qaeda. 18 or older. So, special needs kid, 18. He's 18.

But he, you know, for his 18th to 30, his nans give him a couple of gram for her speedboat. Oh, he's not renting it, he's buying it. He's buying it? Right. Oh, shit. You're telling me this, like, this speedboat salesman's going to be like, sorry, mate, you're disabled.

No speedboat for you, because that's bang out of order. If it's a renting situation, I'd be pushing him towards Canalboat. Happy 18th. Hey, lad, yeah. It's 15 grand gone by his other speed boat. Nanhe, where's Jean-Gham gone? Leave him alone. It's his birthday.

He's on his ineditance. He's on the fucking. fucking canals. He's on the canal in a speedboat. That's dangerous. Does that then become a canal boat? If a speedboat's on a canal. Yeah, because speedboat just means fast, don't it?

Yeah. You can have a speed canal boat. I smell a special. And I'm talking about the ones we make. My mum wants to buy a canal boat. She watches this canal boat show. I don't have any water. And someone...

Your nan's got a speedboat? No, my mom wants to buy a speedboat. Your mum's a fucking adventure, isn't she? Well, she went to the old hit-notes. My mum went on the 1% club to try and win money to buy a speedboat. Right. How would she do? 38%.

You know, that documentary that came out about Major Charles Ingram. And he was in like a big, like, what's it? Like a conspiracy. Yeah. Like of people. And they were all trying to get onto TV shows and they were all splitting the money. And that's why he had his mate up in the, if you don't know what I'm talking about.

There's a fellow that years gone, who wants to be a millionaire? He had his mate sitting. Teckwin Wittick. And every time, like, he was, like, getting the answers, so it would be like, is it A, B, C, or D? And as he went through them...

He was starting fast as finger first. He was coughing, being like, C, Charles! See, lad! Well, at one point on maybe 250 or 125, he coughs and says no. He goes, no! And I was like, what's going on here?

And he carried on, and then afterwards, they got him here. Anyway, it turned out they were part of, like, a really big group of people who were all applying for game shows and then splitting the money. What's it called? A syndicate.

Syndicate. A crime. Are you and your mum in one of these? So, no, no, it was completely separate. Honestly, he looks more criminal everyday, look on them. Kiss me. Kiss me teeth.

No, so, because I've been on them before and people have been on 10 of them. Some people, it's there, like, living to go on game shows. Like, a woman I knew won 10 grand on tipping point, but she was still getting all like nervous about the game show that we were going on but that was small fry she was doing like the chases and if the game shows get wind of this

do they because you don't want them fucking lizards on do you so I all the game shows I've ever been on they're all the first season of that game show because they go you've been on a game show before come do this one do you trust worthy aren't you yeah but that what what's the oh that you don't get on ago yeah like just panic it like rabbit and headlights but you've got to be it's got to be like a year

or something since you were last on the telly because if you're on the telly too close together, it scares old people. What? Because they don't understand how you're on two telly to go back to back. Yeah. Which is possible on day. And they start getting worried that like your death.

And that's why they're saying you know. Yeah. Everything Guambiari. But when I did... Harry said that on tip. I'm pointing out you can't say that you'll scare the old people. I've been on a game show before, so I know that under pressure I won't be Jamaican for no reason.

I'm going to take D. Hillary Clinton. also known as Hillary Clinton. Give me the money. So you wouldn't get on the next one, you're not trustworthy. He goes Jamaican under pressure. Oh man, it's hot under these studio lights. Yeah, I'm from Skelmersdale.

Kiss me teat. I'm not surely there, that one. Mate, it's like they don't. This is why TV's dying. I wonder if you go on a game show, right? Like a daytime TV show where they record it like, because everything they record goes out, doesn't it?

They edited down, but I mean every episode they record, because they're on a tight schedule, because they have to turn it over every day. I wonder how belligerent and how much of a trouble cause you can be. How much of that will they put up with before they're like, right, we've got to record another one. My name is Don Nightingale, I live in Sargal, Cheshire.

Got two kids, two guinea pigs and two guinea pigs on my wife's chest. She clean and I'm regular. Right, right, cut, court, court. Asked a question. I'm not. I'm going to go. I see question.

Mr. Angale, you didn't speak like this in any of the run-throughs or anything in the interview. What's going on? No, I'm fine. Get pulsing around. Can we infiltrate a TV show?

You can't because you've been on them. No, I mean, I, if anything, I'm more, I got asked the other day. You wouldn't ruin your reputation? I got asked the other day to apply for John Bishop's new game show. Harry, what are you doing? The brains of the operation?

How are you on a fucking quiz show circuit? It's a load. You're like a paid middle. Looking to go up to open Honest, yeah, it's No, but it's like a nice little day out in it And then when my mum did it My mum did the 1% club

And hang on, you say that at the end It was just lovely to be you Do they pay your expenses? Yeah, I went to Belfast Please, if you get on John Bishops Do that at the end Great to be you This is great to be

It's eighth in her Hey, John, you're the brain Yeah, if I'm won the money I'm the brain to the operation Put me on a fucking quiz show I mean, I don't know the answer I'm having a real nice day out. Free water in a dressing room.

We got the dressing room. Imagine that. What would be the worst game show to be? What? Like mastermind. With a dark room. Your special subject is Jamaica and you're like, right, let's go on up.

It puts me in a mood. John Bishop message media today to invite me and you to a premiere and a Q&A with him and Will Arnett for his new movie. But we're in Africa, so I was home to fuck off. Oh, that make me sad. A question, John.

Question. Why did you not film it at the frog and book it? What's all this comedy seller, New York? You've forgotten your roots, man. That is so insane to me that they are making it. It's fucking brilliant. They're making a film about John Bishop's star in comedy. And Will Honour is in, is it the seller?

Yeah, yeah. I was there when they were. And the actual thing happened in the Frog & Bucket in 1997. He made the Robin Williams film and he's a monkey? You know what I mean? Yeah, but he's not really a monkey. He just is a monkey. Like, no one thinks, oh, there's the monkey.

That's not quite as personal to me, Carl. No, but... It's just I've been in the dressing room that is now being, like, made into a film. But great point about the Robbie Williams monkey. What happened with the Robin Williams monkey? They just made a film about Robbie Williams, didn't they? And they went, yeah, it's a bit boring. Oh, I thought you said Robin Williams.

Williams because he was made with Coco de Guerrilla I was getting I was getting confused and he was a very hairy man next question he might as he made

a Robin Williams film and he was a monkey as well yeah but he was made with Coco on him like they when Robin Williams they told

the gorilla they're like Robin Williams who's the smart one he's the one he's the one that could do Rubik's cubes

and that I go 50 50 50 I like to phone a friend I like to phone a friend Damian Mali so they told

is like similar to Michael Jackson he got sad yeah Alex Edelman had a really good bit about it he's like why did they have to tell the gorilla he hadn't seen Robin Williams in years and then he just went into his little den one day and was like hey you made to fucking death

stranglewank to death so he speaks he speaks English then the monkey no it was like monkey sign language and strangle wank is in there it's got to be one of the easiest sign languages yeah but I don't know sign language but you can't make a mess of strangle wank

no but I don't feel like it's A necessary lexicon for monkeys to learn. He'll need this one, like. Strangle, wank. I don't know, but you want to give him a full education? Do you? Right, Tyler, you're going to put this section in the bin, and you did this.

Tyler says, underrated, overrated, tortoises. I think Tyler's got tortoises. Underrated, mate. Underrated. They do live for ages. Yeah. The giant ones. Can I ask a question?

Are they just wet turtles? No, turtles are wet. Tortoises. You're living. Tortoises on the land, turtles in the sea. Is that a thing? Yeah.

Turtles are the, the tortoises are the big old slow fellas or you can, like, put cats on the back of and he live forever. And turtles are the stoners in, finding Nemo. So,

a tortoises basically, a tortoises is a post-menopausal turtle. Yeah. No more wet. No more wet. No more wet. No more wet.

No more wet. Unless you're from my wife's family. Slipp and slide. Whoa. What the fuck did that mean? Oh, it's a reference to something you've forgotten that we talked about on the pod. But if you get it,

wow. Don't worry. All the giant tortoises went extinct because they all ate them, didn't they? Yeah. We've said that before. But they're the big fellas who were like, oh, Johnny's 500 years old.

He's living the garden all that time. And you Charles Darwin. They also had John Bishop. It's fucking ate in here. Charles Darwin. It's right. Revolution of the manna.

We had to... We've been going to end this section. I've been fucking wild. I've been not seen a fellow who buries to it. Like, I think it's tortoises zoo hibernate. But if they hibernate in the UK, they basically bury themselves in the garden.

They die because the frost if they freeze over and die. So you put them in a pot and cover them in soil while it's icy. And then when the ice... It grows the tortoises. I've typed in Manu Berries tortoises and,

It says the person you are likely thinking of is former professional footballer and Hollywood actor Vinny Jones. That's who I'm thinking of. You're not just bring him in the kitchen? And no, and then you take them out to the garden in the spring and bury them. They're not dead, but they're hibernating and then they come out like, whoa, what's happening? Apparently Vinny Jones took someone's tortoise, who is a teammate of, and buried him in the garden while it was alive. They are alive. That's all they hibernate.

Oh, this one died. Yeah, because you're not meant to bury them in the winter. Yeah, that's the hard man of football for you. I kill your fucking soles. Crazy gang, you know? That's a break. If you mean to bet with yourself halfway through that section, what former Premier League football is going to get mentioned here?

Fair play, if you've got Vinnie Jones there. Gets me deep. Ladies and gents, long awaited. It's Mr. Andrew Benson. That might be the best outfit that's ever been on. No, it is. That might be rig of the pod. Nah, I knew you guys.

You guys got good reps. I thought, let me bring out the banger. Oh, fuck. Italian. I look like, obviously, I got your hands on this. This is like...

No, so I knew someone I got a plug in Milan. Yeah, that's not so... That's what I'm saying, still. And also, I like to wear the Italian

because they don't like people like me, so it just like it takes the piss. That I'm wearing it. They've got a bit of... For the audio listeners, Andrew is wearing, I'd guess that is a

1998, 1999... Obviously, I'd go a bit earlier than there. No, I think it's... It's the Zola's... Zola area, 98. Yeah? It's a...

It's the full, like, hanging around the pool at the World Cup. Yeah, it's gorgeous. Like, it's the kit that the Italian team... No, do you know what I mean? Like... Yeah, as in like the...

It's the way... It's the only hanging around the pool of the World Cup. Yeah. You don't need a sauna if you're around the pool and a trackie. It's a fucking class track. I'm always wearing a full track. He's round a pool, me. Don't know about you.

Not anymore. It's not anymore. It'll change. I'd love to see you around a pill these days. I'm thinking of getting a full Valor track suit. Valor? You know, like a soprano style.

Like the juicy ones? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Joddy born one. Ho-ha! I think I can pull that off, though, like the Tony Soprano style. Yeah, no, to be fair,

I've been, because I think you two might have had the biggest glow-ups I've ever seen in life. I was watching some of your earlier clips and, like, you guys are different guys, you know what I mean? Because you look, you guys look legit good now.

Every time I see Adam, I'm like, this guy's got a new jacket, his hair's looking nice for. That's on them old clips. I'm like, rock. Adams had to come to Jesus' moment with his hair, his teeth and his clothes. Oh, you got new teeth? Yeah. I've lost weight and been bullied about what I wear.

So it's a very different. I would like to adjust the teeth, by the way. I get a lot of messages claiming I've got turkey teeth. I haven't. They're my teeth. And I just had a little bit of polish on the outside and a little cap and a in England? Yeah.

I've got... The main teeth. It's just a bit of... It's just boned, isn't it? I've got. I've got... I've got... No, that's crazy, man.

But the glow up is real, though. You guys, well done. Oh, thanks. I need to make money, man. This is the key to the last, right? Like, whenever I... Normally where I see Andrew is a top secret in London,

and every time I see him there, you just get compliments. You just have good guy to be around, you know? You turn up and he's just like, Adam, you're looking fresh. You know, I'm looking good, man. What do you think about Harry's

current look? Kiss me teeth Yeah, Harry, you need some work But it's kind of I'm rocking the chain though It's right, see The chain's good I'm in my chain era

Look, first of all That's a prop jewellery That's not a real chain Yeah, but Adam, you told me I'm a nice guy I've got to give him something Is it? Also, I just noticed, Harry We've got a black guest on

and you've decided to Roleman in 10 acts Like, what's this about? A lot kissing teeth as well I've got that I know, to be fair To be fair, he's been doing that for a couple of weeks I've been kissing teeth since long.

Nobody can't kiss his teeth. He says kissing my teeth. Because he can't do it. That's not me. But you know, you know, you guys are hip-up guys, though, isn't it? Yeah. These two are. Yeah.

What you're saying? You're like, yeah. I mean, I like hip-hop. I mean, I do. I like it. I like a bit of M&M. All right. End of list.

That's like the weed. We're putting on a hip-hop. Eminem is like the weed. It's like the gateway for the whites. You know what I mean? I mean, it literally was. Yeah, literally. I tried to be a grim artist in year nine.

Is it? What was your MC name? What's your name? Kaiser. Oh, that's decent. That's decent, I can't laugh. He likes Germany. Yeah, yeah.

That's decent. Kaiser. Oh, the usual suspect. Also, you're wrong with Indy. He likes country music. Is it country? Oh, yeah, because you get the cowboy, the cowboy team.

Yeah, yeah. I just thought that was because you love America. No, no, no. I got into, like, in America, through country. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. you know

and when I say I like America I like going there you know there's a lot of problems with that place man yeah he doesn't like

the ball corner me yeah everyone used to just chill out my but the hats are sick where is the best place to visit in America

uh I mean it's a hack answer but it's New York yeah I'd say New Orleans I haven't been to New Orleans so you might be right

but I my main was you there when you was wearing the cabboy thing that's Nashville oh okay So, like, if you like country music or, like, live music and...

It's... My mate who lives there describes it is it's a really good... It's a music... It's a... It's a... It's a drink in town with a music problem. Because he flipped it round. It's the best booze in.

It's so fucking cool. You've just got to get over the fact that the country thing is a bit gay. It's every... They're a bit gay for country. But if you go and go, oh, country music, shit. You are going to hate it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But if you go, oh,

This is the best boozing I've ever seen anywhere. Also, you get to wear a hat if you want. But is the music good though, yeah? They're the most talented musicians you'll ever see. Okay, that's good. Because when I was in Dublin recently, there's a lot of live music in Dublin, isn't it? Yeah.

And the music is, it's this noise, really? It's this noise in the back of the ball. Like, me and Jack went to watch the match yesterday, and there was like a lad singing, like not far from the ground, was singing like Liverpool songs to a guitar. and it was like, you know, like when someone gets cast in a TV show

and they're not scouts, but to try and have like really scouts up. This fellow obviously was, but he's just going, we can't because I. Yeah! No, I'm sorry. And he's been paid for this? I think I've seen that guy on the circuit. And if you know who I mean.

Do you know, this is how I described the music in Nashville. It felt like every bar we went into, and we were on Broadway, so it was kind of, it's a touristy. They're like, listen, we're going to. play a country song because it's live music anywhere. No one ever has a DJ. They're like, everywhere we went. We went to one bar and we were like,

oh, that's kid rock place and that's busy. There's a cue. We just want to pint. And we went up and there was a bar. There's maybe like 15 people in. Luke Bryan's. 15 people in. There's a band playing.

And they were like, oh, cool. You're going upstairs? We were like, oh, we didn't know there was upstairs. They were like, oh yeah, there's a rooftop bar. So we were like, all right, cool, we'll go up to the roof. There was another floor, maybe another 20 people in. There's a band. There's another band.

Yeah, yeah. There was three floors. of bands and then you got to the roof where it was all kicking off. It was fucking 300 people. With another band on the roof. It's about every floor. It's amazing.

And they play country, they play a country song that Adam knew and loved and that was like the cool, modern, like if you like country, you'll know that song. And then they go, right, we'll play a hit from another genre

for everybody. In country style. What's the, is it when... Fat bottom girls? When Future does... Is it future that does hot in here? No, that's, bro, that's Nelly. Sorry, man.

No, I know. He means the re-up of it. Have you seen it? And he does it, he does a country. It's getting hot in here. By the way, if he didn't know that was Nelly, I'd be so upset. Yeah.

Nelly Hot in here is going to be the only song that Adam enjoys at the hip-hop night that we're doing much. Hot in here. It's not future, is it? Chance the rapper. Chance to Rapper. Chance to, yeah, yeah. It felt like they were doing that.

They were like, oh, sick. If you don't know everything, we'll do one you know. We'll do it in a good old, It was a great week for me. It was like I was an autistic kid who is going to get Switzerland soon. Did you buy the hat there or before? There.

He's got many, many, many. I think I've got, like, I've got two black ones. I've got a cream one, a green one, a brown one. So he's nearly got the full collection. It's got the whole rainbow. When he's got that pink one? I do want a red one. I'd like a red one.

I'm going to call it the ring of fire. God, have you got names for your house? hats. Oh, brother. I've got, oh, time for Switzerland. I've,

uh, me, my plain black one is just called me classic. My cream one is called me ranch owner. Oh, God. My brown one is my ranch worker.

Oh. The green one is the green one. I haven't come up in a name for that one yet. And then I've got like a roughed up one and I call that the gunslinger. Oh my God. What's the one with the feather? That's the green one. That's the green one.

Yeah. When his misses is like, get the gun slinger. slinger out. I'm feeling frisky. What about the green one? Love at the Environment Agency.

Get the pins. No, just get the bin. I'm taking the green one with us to name it. To Tanzan. Why do you call it? You got to call the green one, money.

Money green. Yeah. With money green ass. Come on, man. You've made that too cool. That's cooler than it needs to be. I think the Environment Agency officer turns better.

We're going on, I mentioned before, we're climbing Kilimanjado next week. This is in Tanzania. In Africa. I can't believe. I asked him, where's Tanzania? I was like, they're like, it's Asian, in it? The land I was near Kenya. I'm like, yo, my black car's removed.

I'm giving it to Dan. You can have it for this. It's hot in here's by Nelly. I knew that. Yeah, I'm taking me green one because we're doing, after we finish the climb, because I think we summits on the Monday, don't we?

Yes. Fuck on the Tuesday. But we go to the Serengetti, then we're doing the safari, so I think it's going to look quite good like in the photos of the safari when I'm on like a safari shop here like. Is it a one day thing,

like a one day up and down? Seven. If it's a one day up and down thing, we've lost a lot of money for no reason. It's meant to be a seven day up and down. But are you not going for content or just because... Chits and gigs.

Oh, yeah, yeah. No, we're going to... Everything content. No, that's crazy. You're not a whack, for real, though, because... I don't see any of my brother say, you know what,

let's just climb about it for fans. No way, man. My life is already dangerous. By the way, I think I am. That's more black card for me because I'm not climbing it. You're not climbing it. I can't remember the comic I've seen.

I haven't... I had a bit about that. It was like, you know white people are privileged and they've got a safe life because all of their hobbies involved trying to put themselves in dangerous situations. It's bad, bro. Climbing mountains, going to Bali to find themselves.

That's crazy, man. What do you do for fun? Just trying, like, I think, I find my fun is like being safe. So when the police are behind me, I just do it, tell him to, I find that fun, in it, do you know what I mean? I do you think, like, because I'm exactly the same as that. And obviously, there's a lot more racial connotations

when the police are following you. But, like, I think the idea that, like, some of my black comic friends have that white people have with the police, it's like, the police are coming past us and we're going, fucking bitch, stop. Oh, I drive, if the police are behind me, I drive like, we've got two kilos of heroin in the boot. No, see, I, for some reason, if I see the police,

I, I'm like, um, I could be, I don't want them to think, camera. Yeah, so you, yeah, so you just want to be a criminal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And when you pull me over, I'm not. So I drive past, like, yeah, whatever, mate. I'm like, maybe I'll go 34. In a 40.

You know what I mean? Because I'm confident, they're like, wow, let's bust him. And then you put me up. I'm like, wait, I'm, I'm, I'm clean, love. No, but for real, I've never been a criminal in my life, but every time I see the police, it's actually fair. Yeah.

And then every interaction I've had with the police, they're nice. That's even like when I go on protests and that, I'll go and, see that, like, you're gonna fuck the police vibe, but they're lovely. They give you direction. They're like, yeah, go that way.

It's like, it defeats the purpose. You know what we? The way best we never heard. Yeah, I think any sort of authority, though, if I'm at the airport and I put my bag through the security thing, obviously I, I packed that bag like an hour before I got there,

but in my head, I'm like, oh, I've put like a nuclear weapon in there. I'm like, there's definitely like bombs and guns and, like, it's obviously found its way into that. like you're always suspicious of yourself. Well, I always think like someone who's a drug dealer's touched me because they did that thing where they can't scan your arms, don't he? Yeah, do, do.

And they see if you've got any drug residue on you. And that can be like from day... They can't do you for that, though. They can't do you for a drug dealer's fingerprint. No, but I'm saying if you've got, like, it on your hands there, most probably you're going to take your bag and then take your bag off the plane and stuff. Because they're like, oh, it might be in the bag. So if someone has a line of Charlie and then, like, gives me a high five in the airport,

Yeah. If you never been scammed by that guy who makes you put your leg up on the thing. Yeah? Yeah, that's what they're looking for. They're looking for drug residue. I've stood on a bit of cocaine. I can't go to the Bahamas.

The Bahamas. Is that what you're telling me? I'm just saying they're looking for residue of like bomb making material on drugs, yeah. I thought it was more bomb than beak. Yeah, I think it's bombs, bro. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it's machinery.

Yeah, if I've stood on like some C4, then fine. What do you mean? Your legs have been blown off. That's why I never high-five anyone from Al-Qaeda before I fly. Call me crazy. You don't know that, you might have.

I just think, like, if you've got a bit of drugs on your coat or whatever, that could be anyone, you know what I mean? They can't stop you going on an Aldi for that. That is sick when you have to do the thing and they're like standing like this. Yeah. And they draw a little face on the thing.

It makes you laugh every time. Someone's wrong little stick face. You've done that. That's what I always think. Yeah, same. It's got to be a banter guy who works there. It has to be somebody who works. No, because in my head,

like someone's just got a, like a sharp out and just done it while. Are you getting arrested for that, mate? They've got no, they've got no humor in that room. Do you remember when I videoed you? Do you remember that? We were going to Vegas.

So our mate, Steve, just got to Tanzania. Loves take a lucrezade on holiday. And you're not allowed to fly with liquids, but he just forgets this every time. He's pecking his back? Yeah, he's an idiot. It happened. It happened once.

And since then, what we've done is every time we go to the airport, one of us distracts stay while the other one puts a loop in his bag so we were going to Vegas so we put one in his bag and like he got bust and he's looked like oh what the fuck and I videoed like the whole thing like laughing and this woman came off and I went give me that camera now with delete it oh is it you are not allowed to film in this room and I went my god the things we've been saying on this video like taking the piss going he's got bombs in there as well yeah yeah I'll delete it okay I won't take the camera off

you someone made me do that on a roller coaster do what because I filmed being on the front of the roller coaster and they were like delete that. You're not allowed to leave here until you delete that. I don't know if they wanted, in case it ruined the experience for everyone else. What roadic was a banana slip? Spoilers? It was a, yes, what is on a road? Yeah.

It was the Alpine one in, uh, in Blackpool. And they were like, absolutely not. It's just because they want you to buy their photographs, not because of like, the avalanche. I wasn't filming me. I was filming the experience. The avalanche? Yeah.

The white one, yeah. Yeah. And I was go, well, they were like, absolutely not. But like, surely that's good PR for the, The roller coaster, like, look how much fun that fellow was that. Also, I love the authority of the pleasure beach. Give me that, give me that camera. Delete it.

Believe me, so you can't take a picture of the screen. No, have you seen? Did you actually, did you actually delete the video, though? Yeah, I was like 40. It was a school trip. Oh, okay, that's different, yeah. I do it now as well. I'm pretty spines.

No, you're right. I'd be cause a mayor. I'd be like, no. Yeah, in Blackport. I said, no, yeah. I don't want to be here anyway. Fucking Blackpool. I'm scared of roller coasters.

So like that would be quite good for me because I'd get the experience and not have to have any of fear, you know? I love for me. I was getting a roller coaster. I was getting a flying on all of that. Yeah, same. We've got to get in a helicopter next week.

That's mad, man. It's either that or after we've got to the top of the mountain climb back down for 12 hours or a 30 minute helicopter ride. Yeah. And there was a, R.P. Kobe, but yeah. And there was a fatal helicopter crash just four weeks ago.

Christmas Day. So chances are it what happened again? Yeah. Yeah. Literally what we're doing. Oh, guys, I'm so... Anyway, I'll have the studio. You'd be our last guest if we all die.

That'll be sick, man. Every single person we tell goes, oh, shit. They don't go, wow. They go, oh, are you ready? And we go, no. They all have that reaction of, like... Yeah, but also, like, no, no one really knows if it's hard or not. Do I mean?

Everyone's just like, oh, I can imagine that to be difficult. He didn't even know where it was. Yeah, yeah. Not for me. The climate thing is calm. I'm talking about the helicopter thing is scary. Yeah, that's what I'm worried about. Yeah.

That's a scary bit about. for me. Yeah. I imagine doing all that work. And then it's like when the queen did the Lizzy land and she died. It's just like all of that hard work. This is the kind of conspiracy I'm into. Yeah, I'm not happy with the helicopter.

Just have four litres of sangria. I'm going to take a bottle of whiskey up with me and I'm going to chin that before to get in the helicopter because then I'll just be pissed on the good man. That's a good idea. Well, it will hit you so much harder though. I had a pint in Denver in it. I got drunk of one pint. A bottle of whiskey will be...

I'm just going to close my eyes and put my hair pot. So wait, are you going to drink it on the way up or when you get the top? So you asked before, is it a one day up and down thing? So it takes us seven days, right? So the last day, the second to last day, we get up at 6 a.m. We start walking at 8 a.m. And we walk until 6pm. It's a 10-hour walk.

Oh, my God. When we get there, we have a 4-hour kit, if we can sleep, which we've been told we probably won't be able to. why are we going to be able to sleep? It's very hard to sleep at that altitude. A little bit. We're on pills. Yeah, but also getting on the shite. So we get four hours and then we start again.

At midnight. We start at midnight. We start at midnight. And that's a 14-hour walk to the summit and back to that camp. And at that point, we can either get the helicopter down or walk another 12 hours. So it would be 26 hours of walking continuously if we walked all the way down. So what I'm going to do is when we're going to do is when we're going to

get back to the camp at the end of the 14 hours, when the helicopter's on the way up to get us, that's when I'm going to have about 350 mill of bourbon. How ridiculous is that next week, we're going to be waiting for a helicopter to get us off a mountain? It doesn't feel real. I really don't like... Honestly, like, I've decided,

because we climbed Snowden in Wales the other week, and the walkdown was so horrendous. I was like, oh, I'm getting in the helicopter. But now every time I think about the helicopter while I'm sat here and sober and not in pain, I'm like, I'm not getting in a fucking helicopter, but I know I will be at the time. So I'm just going to take a bottle of bourbon and chin it.

And I've said Carl's got to get in the... Because there's going to be two helicopters coming together, I think. Oh, really? Yeah, because there's seven of us. And I think... I've said me and Carl have got to be in the same one because if I die, he's fucking dying as well. And I agreed.

I thought... I was like, yeah, yeah, totally. I love that. I love that. I love that. I don't die or, like, it's just the way it doesn't work. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

The fomo... The only reason I don't want to die is phomo. Really? Have you got bad fomo? Yeah, yeah. So you care about... That's the only reason I'm scared of death. Really?

If there's nuclear war or like an asteroid coming to air, if I'm chill me, I'm like, yeah, we're all gone. Not asked. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But there's no way, like... You just don't want to go yourself. And everyone else, carry on. There's no way, Jack's watching Liverpool win another league,

and I'm fucking in heaven watching fucking reruns of the Simpsons. It upsets me that the year I die, they'll just be a Champions League final anyway. Like, they won't go, nah, stop it. They'll just go, yeah, yeah. But don't you feel like I've seen everything that I'm ready? I'm ready to go, man How old are you on?

Are you an Arsenal fun? No, I'm actually Palace Okay, suppose you've seen everything. I've seen everything. Yeah, yeah, that's what an epic goal, dude. I'm done, man, I'm ready. God, whenever you're ready, I'm ready. Do I mean, that's how I look at it.

Also, I find life kind of long. Do you know what I mean? You ready for a break? I'm ready, man. I wish I could, like, die for a year and then come, you know what I mean? I have thought that before. Do you know what I mean?

Just like, take a year off and then come back. Because I just find, a slog, everything that's like getting a train, everything that's just like, this is long. Then you've got to wake up and do it again. And I've done everything I want to do. I've had all the sex. I've done the gigs.

I've seen the Crystal Palace when the FA Cup. I'm ready. But you're still scared of helicopters? Yeah, it's still scared. You should be getting on them and be like, give a shit, mate. But you're not suicidal. You're just ready.

No, I'm not. Yeah, I'm not. Just whenever it happens. Whenever it happens, yeah, I'll be calm. You can please ever. Yeah, done. That's a good way of living life, though, wouldn't it?

Yeah, I feel free. I feel free. I don't care about anything apart from, like, doing comedy, having fun. And that's it. Like, life is just, it's the same. Yeah, and you're still 30. Wait until you start really creaking. Yeah.

Well, how do you? 68. Mentally. They think I'm 74. No, I'm 44. He's 45. Are you 44? 44!

Looking good, bro. White cracks. No, not really. No, get close. No, Liverpool. That's mad. I am, when we were together recently, top secret in London.

I'm not going to ruin the bit, but like you had a bit that night that wrote me off. Just like, you've always got great stand-up, but it was about, because of what you do for where, and now that we're, and I have this to a much smaller level,

but the bit was about how you've got friends who are in the arts and you've got your friends from back home where you go off. And they're all still like in gangs and like Robin Garland shit, and you have to take like the progressive things you've learned

from your artie friends. And they don't give off fuck. One of this woke stuff, people's issues, they don't care. I remember like I was speaking to this girl and then it was about when Kier Starma was being elected, didn't it? And I was on a show fantasy football. Kier Stommer had come on the show. So before this, I had never voted before in my life.

But obviously I met Kier, so I just said on the show, I'll vote for you because I've met you, do you know what I mean? You seem nice. So it was like a day before, It was like her day before the election and I was speaking this girl and then she was like, oh, who you're voting for? I was like, oh, I'm going to vote for Keir.

And she was like, oh, you're voting for Labor? I'm not really voting for Labor. I'm just voting for my guy, isn't it? I just met this guy. And then she was saying like, well, how could you vote for him? Like his policies, isn't it? And she was like, oh, like,

he's not like giving trans people rights, isn't it? And I was like, I never even thought. I was like, we're in the ends now. Should we go and ask everyone what their issues are? The last thing they're talking about is trans athletes. I need my bins to be taken quicker I need wages

It's such a privileged thing In it, do you know what I mean? All of those kind of issues But when I told Amanda, I'm like, Andrew, what the fuck are you talking about? Like, Leah Thomas, who the fuck is that, fam? Do you know what I mean? They don't even shit, honestly.

So it's like a weird juxtaposition that I'm living in now. Like, all my brothers are like proper hood guys. Like, I got friends in prison So I go and visit them and I just, I'll tell my friend about paddle. In prison. He's like paddles.

I was like, yeah, it's like tennis, but it's like score. She's like, bro, what the fuck are you doing with your lifestyle? He just in general. He just doesn't know about. Are they all right with it? Are they, like, the guys from back home? Are you seeing them regularly? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because like London, like, I'm not sure how it is here, but London's very half and half, in it. So like, I grew up in Charlton, but parts of Charlton is really nice that I live in now. But where I grew up, it's just like round the corner, if that makes sense. So you just being around, you will just bump into people if they're still about sort of thing. And then you're just, they just seeing you. and then obviously they sing the stuff online, they come to shows and that. So it's weird that me and Bemi show

you have the hoodiest guys, then you just have some like middle class son of a TV producer in the corner of like, oh my God. But it's works, do you know what I mean? But it's like, tell us about the show you do with Bemi

because like a few years ago when like COVID was happening and we started this and we started doing some shows. Some of my favorite moments when we started gigging again is when I ended up on stage with someone else. Yeah, yeah.

So, like, me and you did it a couple of times at The Secret Sunday's gig that me and Carl did in for a bit. Me and Paul Smith got bladded one night. Yeah, I've seen a, I've seen a video of that, you two on stage together. That was a bit, that was a big drinking, so he'd come and done our podcast that day. And I was coming back from London, actually, I'd got the train to our old Runcorn studio. And he mess us there, done the show. And then was like, oh, I'm driving into town. Do you want to lift home?

So he drove me in. We got into town. He's like, oh, where are you gig in tonight? I was like, I'm off. It was a Friday night. and he was like, oh, why don't you come to Water, we'll have a pint,

I'm doing both shows, I'm hosting. So we had about six or seven points, then went to the first show and carried on drinking, and he's hosting the first show, and by the time a late show comes around, we went to the owner, been to, like, can we host this one together?

And he's like, nah, it's Friday night, everyone's paid 20 or quid to get in. Like, it's a risk. And me and Paul went, hey, if people complain, if it's shit and they complain, we'll refund them. You don't have to refund them.

We'll refund them. And he was like, all right, if you think so, but I don't think this is going to work. And then it did. It really, really worked. Like, I'm way, but hammered as well.

If you watched the clips back, like, we're slurring in that, yeah. But, yeah, it was class. But you do a monthly show with Bemi. Yeah. So how it works is, like, obviously, being Bémy super tight. And I was doing a work in progress show, like new jokes, but I didn't have any jokes. So then he just randomly came to the show. And I was like, bro, I ain't got nothing in it.

Do you want to just go on stage and this, that fuck around? And we did it. We just fucked around. a bit and then we just had a clip and then that clip did really well so it's like oh like we'll keep we'll keep doing this in it so like every month we just did like one power shows at top secret

and then like it just started growing growing and then Mark and I knew it was good because you know if you know Mark Mark's like he's just a greedy guy in it so he's just like yo you should do Tuesday I knew it's doing well because you thought that we have people in and then we just started doing it we created a page and that and then literally it's just

the thing I love about doing it is because I just feel like if I'm bombing there's no way both of us are bombing at the same time so if I'm having an off night he'll just carry me and I'll just like feed him that's what happens in here

yeah it's kind of how it feels and then the magic is when you both turn up and you're like we're both flying it yeah yeah and then it just yeah it takes it to another level but then yeah people just been loving it like loving the clips

and like we've been selling out shows and like hopefully and also we've been writing stuff together so how it works like we'll write stuff together we'll both try it separately in different places and then we'll just come together

be like oh we'll say like that and then we're just going to end up hopefully 27 going on a tour with like an hour of stuff that we've come up with. How does the show work on the night? So is it you two hosting and bringing on your mate tonight? Yeah, but literally. So we'll have us doing crowd rock in the first section

and we'll bring on two acts in the first half break and then we'll go on and the whole show is good. We saw that. So it's just things that we've seen that we have takes on and then we'll do that in the second section and then bring on a last act. And then at the end we'll play some sort of like, we do some sort of set piece like a game

or something. So like, for example, black history month, we did a black trivia quiz, yeah? But only white people could participate. So we went to white people on the stage was asking them loads of black questions and then the winner won like £200 in it and tickets to the next show.

Because it was Black History Month, we believe in reparations. They had to give their money to a black person. That's right. Do you remember any of the questions? I wonder whether it? It was, um, We played like cameo.

When this tune comes on, what do you do? And then they started doing the dance. He knows the dance. Do you know that? I love that song so much and he knows the dance. You don't know. You don't know it? Dan, you're not?

Yeah, but he can't dance. So I'd love to see. I wonder if you'd give him the point because he knows the dance. But, oh, man. You can bust it. He goes on a dance phone. He was teaching us all. In a line dance, I've got ridden me.

Harry tried to crickwalk the other, the other week. Well, I wanted to Crip walk onto the arena. And you were just, you just started body popping. I was really practicing. It looked like a Nana losing a balance.

I was just watching that video. Serena Williams doing it for ages. I was like, but she's got... Oh, at a Super Bowl? Yeah, but she's got vibes. She grew up. She's from there, though.

She's from Cogne. He's from Wigan, by the way. Are you from Wigan? Yeah, the FACC up. The FAC Cup thing, I relate to that. It's the constant of the northwest of a countryman. Aside.

Wigan. Wiggin. Oh my God. I love that cameo song. It's such. It's always, always a banger. It's banger, man. It's the one to get people leaving.

Yeah. Play that. Okay, party's over. Let me do this dance and bounce. But we asked loads of black questions like, like we put a picture of, you know who Dr. Umar is? If you know, Dr. Umar,

this is real blackness. So Dr. Umar, this pro black guy, and he hates anything non-black. So if you're a black guy, you date a white woman, it's just like you've got a snow bunny disease. That's what he calls it. It's mad.

I've seen some of those videos. Yeah, it's just crazy. But we did loads of that stuff. And we just do like different set pieces. Like I did a show for Sky called media trained, like interview footballers and celebrities and try to get them out their media train bubble. We did that live. We had like Goz Khan on.

And one time I did a joke in it. And the Muslims came for me in it. It was actually peak. So I did a joke about how. So he's doing it again? Yeah, I'm going to do it. Yeah, yeah. Because I got goods on my side now.

So basically I did it. I was writing it. It was on. if I was writing a joke about Ronaldo, about how he's just gone to Saudi, in it? And I said, Ronaldo is, like, the most influential guy in the planet,

in it? Like, this guy's gone to Saudi, a country, like, where, like, if you can't live with a woman that you're not married to, and he turned up and said, listen,

if you guys want me to play in this country, I'm living with my girlfriend. Like, that, they changed the law, in it. I'm like, that's mad. The country where Mecca is,

we're like, oh, forget the Quran. We follow CR7 now. And I think that was mad because, like, men don't want to get married, in it? because Ronaldo could have easily just married as the woman of the kids,

but he's like, no, I want to change Sharia law. Just like that. I'll put that clip out, yeah. So I wrote it for fantasy football. They were like, Sky were like, you can't. We're not saying that, isn't it? I was like, this is why. And I had a whole fucking argument with the producer.

I was like, this is why TV's dying because you don't know what's really funny. So I did it at the comedy club that night. And it got a massive laugh, in it. So I put it out, yeah. I looked at my phone like an hour later. Fucking old are the Muslims. I was getting like death threats in like Arabic that I had to like Google Translain.

It's crazy. It was crazy. And then like basically, but Goz had been on the show like a week before. So like and he was showing me a lot of love, in it. But like Goz is like the Muslim guy in comedy. Yeah, yeah.

So loads of guys, Muslim guys were messaging Goose. Like look at your boy, isn't it? So then Goz called me at like 1 o'clock in the morning. It's like, yo, what's this joke sort of thing? And so we spoke about it. But when Goods did our show, we told that story on stage. Should we do stuff like that? Do you know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah. It's not just like the, there's the sets, but yeah. What did he get you down? I'm turning the world around. What did he think of the joke? He loved it, he loved it. He was just a comic. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But it's just because I was, I said the words, F, the Quran. That's what got me. Just that you feel me. So, but obviously, I wasn't saying that, but I was, he was just like, this change F to forget. And then it still worked and then that. And then we put that joke out of me telling the joke with goods. And loads of Muslims were like,

Oh, that's a great. joke. I'm like, where the fuck are you guys? You guys are coming for me? Do you what I mean? Right. So if we come down and do it, I would love for you guys to do it, man. I remember the Quran, man. I remember. I never forget me can't am. You should do I have a word. We saw that collab, you two.

I need you guys there, man. We'll come down. Please, thank you. Absolutely. Now you said it. The world knows. So yeah. Shall we have a break? Yeah, ma'am. It's on break.

Half four of four. Why? If you don't do it, I feel like we should. Listen, we call this podcast have a word. Have you got anyone you want to have a word with, Andrew? Yeah, I need to have a word with Bemi because there's something I can't convince him on, in it? By the way, this is a great little wrinkle of people who pod with another comedian who are like, right, finally,

let's like air some day laundry on another pod. Yeah, yeah. So basically, I'm trying to convince him that Italian food is the most overrated thing on earth. he says in a full Italian traction. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm telling you I'm taking a piss. But no, for real, like,

like, not just most overrated food. I think it's the most overrated thing. It's more overrated than like threesomes and all that kind of stuff. And I think, I think it's actually British food is on par with Italian food. Wow. Yeah.

Right, 30% of British food is Italian food, isn't it? Kind of, yeah, yeah. But that's what I'm trying to say. It's the same food. But because Italians are more handsome and more beautiful, we give them more love because the weather's better. But really, if you look at food for food,

I think we beat them. Really? Yeah. And when you're saying British food, you're not, you're fish and chips, pie and chips. I'm talking of fish and chips, apple pie.

Roast beef. Wagramanus. No, no, no, no. Chicken teakasas. Chicken teakasasas. That's us. Yeah. Full English.

If you put that against pizza, whatever, we beat them. Wow. Italian food is overrated. It's just, it's just cheese and bread. If you think about it, though, every, I get a meal, you get a meal, different meal. The guy will come and say, do you want cheese?

Now we've got the same meal. If you think about it? It's my least favorite cheese. Cheese. So, yeah, dry cheese. Talk to me. I love Italian food. See, the wax, the wax, the wax go mad when I say this.

I'm telling you. So what do you, if I say to you, carbonata, what are you throwing back? to beat her. If you say Carbonara, I don't think a Carbonari is better than a good fishing chips. And you know it. I mean, you know it, man.

I know what you mean. You know it, like a good fish. No, I think the best carbonara I've ever had is better than the best fish. I know. Summer's day, you're not going to Park View for the... American slag off British food. Every time...

On American podcast, they love going, oh my God, the food over there. Yeah. You're like, Half of our food is your food. Food, yeah. You fucking franchise it out. The reason why they think, like,

because I think when people think British food, they also add the weather, they also add the skinheads. They also add everything that's bad about England with the food. Yeah. But a good fishing chips is actually unbeatable. When you think about it. Yeah, I'll take the skinheads.

It's actually unbeatable. A roast dinner is my favorite meal. A roast dinner is my favorite meal. A roasting is unbeatable. It's unbeatable. You're going to win this argument by just going more and more high pitch. So what's your favourite cuisine aside from English? You don't like Italian?

No, I like, I like black food, isn't it? So African, Jamaican food, like Indian food, they've got so much flavour. Yeah. But so if I go to a restaurant, yeah, why am I paying £60 for a couple of pastas? That don't make no sense. I'm actually paying for the chandelier in the restaurant

and the guy with the fancy voice. That's what I'm really paying for. Whereas British food, you know we're not going to pay $60 for a fish and chip, but that's what the level of pasta is because pizza or pasta it's just bread and cheese and tomato. Right, so I'm not trying to sound like,

I'm not trying to get my black card revoked completely. We're talking jerk chicken, jerk fish, like is that what you're talking? Is that what you mean? Yeah, yeah. That was so blends.

We're talking jerk chicken. Jerk chicken. Jerk fish. You said jerk everything. A reggae sauce. Berry, Barry, so. What are we talking?

No, but I want to know. Is there a Gaff Browne's that he's like, so, okay, so there's a, no chandeliers. No, there's a place called in Deptford,

yeah. It's South London, Deptford called Lickle D's, yeah? Jamaican. I want it to be called Lickle D's. The people in there, no customer service,

they're so rude, it don't matter. The flavour's coming from the kitchen. You can smell it down the street. It's packed and it's cheap. It's where it is. But if I go... How much is a plate?

So I could get... I'm not allowed to say, the food because I'll get fucking rinsed again. No, so I could get mixed. I could get mixed. We're talking Risenp. We're talking

Pallet Green. Mm, jumbolat! Are we talking some jumble laugh? You know, I'm not that I'm trying to assimilate too much. No, for real. So you could go Deppford, for nine pounds you could get rice and peas,

jerk, chicken, curry goat in the same box, yeah? but if I go piccadilly in an Italian restaurant I'm going to pay Bolognaise for 45 pounds So balanais is good though in it Yeah but it's it's 10 pounds good If you go it for 10 pounds it's the best meal ever But that's what it should be

But really intruder with Italian PR Like Italian is just all PR if you think about it There's no seasoning on the food So this is the thing right I remember listening or I seen a clip of, I think it was Ellie Taylor on off menu, you know, James Acaster, a Gamble podcast. And I think it was there.

She said, I've never had better Italian food in an Italian restaurant than what we make at home. And it's home food. Yeah, but it is. And I, like, I think I make a better Bolognaise than I've ever had anywhere else. And the reason for that is, I season the fuck out of it.

Let me ask a question, though. I'm chopping peppers up and putting it in. They don't go in. And if I came to your house, you wouldn't charge me 40 pounds. No. Exactly. Can I just say,

I have never tasted a better jerk chicken, jerk fish than I make at home. Because Papa know what he like. Like a little bit of jerk. A little bit of chicken. A little bit more jerk. A little bit of fish. How much is this box then for like the... So a large one is like nine pounds.

A small one is seven pounds. Yeah. Debtford. You might. get robbed on the way there, but it's calm. He ain't got much money on you anyway. So, bear me. Is he against this?

So he loves Italian food. But that's just because I think he grew up in Nigeria and he's trying to like, trying to get immigration off his back. To be like he likes white food. Honestly, I don't see how you, because like, even in my house, yeah, if my mom's cooking, in it, one, I actually, I actually do believe, like, no first world country's food can be that good. because you need a bit of pain,

pain and suffering and poverty for your food to be that. Like, if you go to Somali restaurant, it's lit in there because they know we might not eat again. So we get into it. Do you get what you're trying to say? That's how I believe. So Italian food can't be top three. They've had it too good.

They've had it. Life is too good for them. So the food can't, that's why they don't season. Yeah. That means your life is too good. Whereas like my mom would, would season chicken and leave it there for two days.

Then the flavors is soaking. So that's where you know it's flavor. All the all the third first world countries don't do that. So it's like it's beat here food at best. How do you know what you've, it's a good argument? Come on, man. Have a word, bro. I'm about to go to Tanzania.

I'm excited about this food, man. Think it's that we need to try some proper like this in debt. Yeah, when you go Tanzania, you try the food there. You know what? I'll try the jerk chicken pizza. I'll meet you halfway. To be fair, the best pizza I had was actually an oxlale pizza. They needed to get the Jamaicans in.

to save this fleet. Ox tail. Oxtail. Is that exactly what it says on the tin? Oxed. Oh, I'm protein. They've never have an ox tail soup?

No. I haven't had soup. When an ox's tail in it. Are we doing a Dan Mesa's food in Tanzania? Not today. Oh, God. I mean, like, me and him will go, yeah, we'll end up.

Yeah, you know Dan's thing, don't you? He doesn't like food. Oh, Dan. Dan doesn't like any food. Yeah, but you get me in liquid deism. He didn't have gravy until. Matt sauce. Really? So what's your top three? Natchos.

Rice Krispies. Oh my God. Dan. Yeah. Rice Krispies are up there. Like with cold milk. Natchos, but melted cheese. Melted cheese. Yeah. Cool. Cool. In the oven. Microwave. I do both. Layed. Chicken dippers. I like a vanilla slice. Really? Yeah.

What cheese? Why are you kissing your team as well? What's going on? No, I said the white's pudding in history I wanted to just flame it. What food would you introduce the dam for them to try something do? No, every white person I introduce them gel off rice.

You guys had gel off rice? No. Oh man. You never had it? Yeah, gel off. When you're next in London? Gel of rice? Gel of rice. Oh, gel off.

It's like, that's the M&M for African food. Like, it's nice. It's basically rice, but it's soaked in like, like, some like, basically like tomato, peppery stew, in it? And you, you soak it. it in there for like hours so it changes the color of the rest.

Sounds quite to tell you. Not, not too. A risotto? Yeah, it's kind of like risotto. Like tomatoes and beef and you're cooking over several hours. Nice bread,

olive oil. But I think you guys all like jet off rice. Yeah, it's like a good one. I'm a foodie. Yeah, yeah, I can't wait to get to Tanzania

and try some proper like local stuff. We're going to be eating goats, aren't we? So what, Diane, when you go to Tanzania, you won't try the local thing? Honestly. Yes.

He will with a camera in his face. Yeah. If I can make money of it. Tink, ting. I'll be drinking out. I'll be eating it. These two are at the bottom. They're not climbing.

And they're both food phobic. So they're going to struggle. How come you're not climbing though? You ain't got a family. I've got family. I've got breadwin. Jesus. Are you all right?

I was saying this. I took me medication this morning, but I've left it on the radiator. I think it's like expanding. It's not worked. No, I've got epilepsy. Oh, shit. Sorry.

So medically I can't climb it. But also, I wasn't going to climb it anywhere. I think. Yeah. He could climb it. Also, if he gets tired, it's more likely to have an epileptic fit and apparently it's quite tiring.

But is it epilepsy like, let's. No, it's, yeah, to do with sleep. So I'd be like body popping on the top of Killy.

Oh, yeah, bro, don't claim, man. Yeah, you're good, but they're going to be making footage at the bottom to,

like, oppose what we're doing. They're going to be having fun while we're not. Hey, by the way, we're all fucking laughing at me. But I like a little bit of spice and I like chicken. So as long as they don't fuck around with it too much,

that sounds great. What about the other animals though? Like goat? Goat's quite common. Yeah, but as long as they don't tell me it's goat, if they're like, oh, it's... And I reckon when the menu says curried goat, I reckon you might, like, sort of...

Yeah, you're gonna sort of... I reckon we're going to... We'll go to the market at some point. They'll just be goat hanging up. Right? Well, I won't buy it. Is that their main meat? Go on.

Yeah. I know they like goat. Yeah, we have been sort of informed about that. I reckon you're trying to go to Good Dan versus Fear about that day. There's one day where we're cooking for a Tanzanian family. So I don't know how that's been agreed to, but that's going to be one of the most disappointing three hours of that family's life. Because do they sell vanilla slice in Tanzania?

Maybe we should bring stuff. It's perishable. You're not going to get vanilla slice through the border. Things that have never been said before. You can't get a vanilla slice through the Tanzanian border. That poor family, you two, turning up and fucking the kitchen up and serving the shit. Do you like nachos?

Also, I've got to say British desserts, though, top tier. Thank you. Oh, trifle. Trifal, vanilla slice, apple pie, apple crumble, just a bread pudding thing. What's that? Curette. Yeah, come on, man.

Cheesecake. Cheesecake. Come on, man. Is that American cheesecake? Yeah, too. Is American? Yeah. The New York's less, yeah.

Yeah, gooey caramel, cheesecake from Nando's. It's a good one, yeah. I like, do you like ice pudding? Yeah, if I'm hungry. Yeah, I like her rice pudding. I'm going to be struggling, though. To be like, you know, we have some rice pudding. It's not in the same fucking ballpark as those first ones.

You know, man, as we just have a little ball of rice pudding. Oh, yeah. Like, I probably quite enjoy an angel delight, but that's a lot of nostalgia, in it? Because it's just, like, strawberry foam. Slop. eating mess eating mess is great

that just reminds me of grammar school boys and jizz I think it shouldn't do because you've never had that well have you eating mess sounds like do you know the soggy biscuit game

yeah yeah just marang strawberries and cream I know what it is but it makes me think of like cold yeah have you ever played soggy biscuit

because you went to like a school didn't you did you go to private school you went to a school I did go to a school it's like a board he went to a grammar school yeah

but it was grammar by name but there's no jizz on biscuits. And that was in the prospectus. You played rugby though, didn't you? We played it so a bit, that's gay. I mean, we touched other men as part of a sport. Was it rugby?

Yeah, we weren't allowed to play. We were allowed to play foot in the brakes, but the actual sport that we practiced in like, PE was rugby. Rugby and cricket in the summer. Why is that ever in me? I didn't play football. No, no football team at the school.

Wow. Oh, it's bad, did it? Did you not play lacrosse? I mean, I feel like you want me to have played lacrosse. La Crosse was a P-Lesson. Oh, you played lacrosse. You're playing lacrosse. No, we had some lessons where we played lacrosse.

We did play hockey, but there was an outbreak of lesbianism within the boys. It's a really wind it in. I had it in my head that you were in the lacrosse team. Why have I got that in my head? Because you put it in your own head. Lacrosse, you know. Lacrosse is the one with a... The thing with a ball, you have to...

I don't know. You tell me. It's the Abu Hamza, like, hook thing. It's like a basket on a stick. Yeah. No, we play just normal sports. Handball, with the Gidge's in the... Water polo.

You know? We just play normal working class sports. Do you ever do the cum biscuit? And we never jizzed on one biscuit. You never? Do you know a soggy biscuit, Andrew? Come on, I'm black. I don't...

Come on, that's not my forte. Sunky biscuit. What do you think it is? I'm assuming is maybe coming in someone's ear? I don't know how you've missed the biscuit. If you play soggy biscuit and you come in someone's here, I'm out. It's out of order.

So it's a proper, like, private school, like, eating level thing. It's a mess. Let's say five lads. They get a cookie and they all start wanking to come on the cookie. And whoever comes last... Has to eat their cookie. Has to eat the cookie with all the come on it. But they still have to finish the person who's finished last.

They've still got to persevere. So obviously, like, the men... You want to last long, don't you? You don't want to last the longest because then you'd eat in a cummy biscuit. Yeah, but if you're wanking, can't you not just wank for, like, for the mission? Yeah, I don't ever point me told.

Do you know what I mean? If I can wank in 10 seconds, I could. Right. I needed to. With four other lads wanking in front of you. I think that's the thing. It's not that everyone's last thing.

It's because, like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I ate the biscuit, but I last for ages. Yeah, yeah. I think it's the pressure of the situation. No, I can handle the pressures still. 100% I'm out of there laser focus yeah yeah

because I play football for a lot you're around naked people all the time yeah in the change rooms and that yeah you've come in a few years yeah come in a few years I'm not gonna let that stop me

oh lacros I love it I love it how you just made up memories for me honestly if someone had said to me walked sport and Dan played at school

it was lacrosse I don't know why cross yeah you sure We never played soggy biscuit. You know, I was gluten intolerant. We've got to have a word from...

Pass the B'Bah-Bum-Bum-Bum-Bum-Bum-W-Bum. Josh, 1645 for the timestamp on that clip. Get it out there. Tag me. Dilly says Wag-Wag-W-Glids. I was recently in Thailand, and an older fellow came up to me in a bar saying that he's figured out the key to life. For context, I'm 26, and he's late 50s. He said he had come to...

He had to come to Jesus' moment. recently and decided to leave his wife and he's meticulously budgeted his finances to live comfortably in Thailand until he's 75. When he turns 75, he plans on celebrating his birthday by robbing a bank. Rather than hoping to get away with the crime, he wants to get arrested so he can live his life peacefully, being fed three meals a day and having a free shower. As mental as it sounded, in the moment, I kind of saw his vision and respected it. Have a word on whether that's insanity or if the logic is sound. Okay, a part of that, though, is kind of, because the prison thing is true.

Like, all my friends in prison, they, they've got play stations and that. It's kind of calm. And they don't have to pay rent. If you think about it. Without being too insensitive, what sort of stretches are we talking from the, from the lads here? Are they doing, like, 18 months? Two of them are doing laughers. Oh.

Two of them are life. Wow. One of them is in Croatia, doing life there. Wow. What's it like president of Croatia? He just said it's like it's just, it's calm. Like they're a bit racist, but it's, you can handle it kind of thing. That's exactly, that's exactly these words.

What is he, what did he, what's he doing? A gap year with a different prison or what's he? No, basically you had an incident. Oh, I think you might be right. No, there was an incident. Yeah, thank you. There was an incident in Croatia. Yeah.

Yeah. So it was an incident in Croatia. You've got to be careful that, aren't you? Yeah, of course. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's in Croatia and they, they made an example.

He's there, but the other one. So do you fly out to Croatia? Sim. Yeah. So basically it's kind of peak because it happened like just before COVID. Yes, it was kind of

it was all long like and also it's old school so you got to write letters and that whereas the guys in the guys in England, one of my guys is in ones with H&P where the girl was sucking off the guy.

Oh no, I was like, did you get, I was like, did you get? It's like it's lit in here. Bro, it's lit in here. Girls are getting sucked off. We're playing FIFA. They're making music.

all the time they're like you're all messaging you old bro put my thing on your story I'm like bro none of my guys listening to you you know what I mean

but that's how it is it's like in prisons I actually agree with him like it could actually be calm especially if you're older as well that's what they say if you're older people are just like

he's an OG allow him so there's no really like um confrontation yeah for the older guys so you basically get a pensioner sort of treatment

kind of thing yeah I don't I think some of them think if you're old in there, you've done a madness. So they're like, I'm not fucking with that guy. He grew with the Kray twins or something like that, do you know what I mean? I'd run the library. Yeah, like, the Shawshanks.

Shawshank. It just looked nice, didn't it? I know Shawshank's a pretty horrifying film, but that library seemed nice. Just get some reading done, have a little crow, and then not kill myself on the outside. this sounds fucking great and also Thailand for the next 31 years

that sounds fucking class as well I've not been but it sounds like to a Thai prison I'm all in on this right that sounds that's bad that sounds mad I think if I ever got into a situation where I had to murder someone

and then I get caught and I'm going to trial and obviously I'm pleading not guilty open my lawyer and get me off I'm probably spending the whole trial time learning a skill yeah so what's a

keep you alive in jail. Yeah, not like fighting. Fighting's a good skill to learn though. No, but like, I don't want any trouble in prison. Do you know what? Yeah, if you can fight... If you can fight, then...

First of all, yes, some people will be scared you and leave you alone, but then the hardest guy comes back in gets told or Adam Rose here, he's the hardest kid in here. And he's going to want to scrap at me, and I can't be asked of that. So I'd rather just be the guy who can do, like, the most keep you ups or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they'll leave you alone. Also, some people start...

Some people cook in prison with a kettle. Yeah? They didn't know how to start, see. And what did they cook? Pasta. That's how easy it is. That's how easy it is. You can cook it in a kettle.

Is that a thing? Do you have to, if you learn a skill and then you sort of... Whatever you get in there, someone comes up and goes, yeah, you're fucking maggot. You're welcome to the fucking prison, lad. You're getting your head punched in, watch your fucking asshole and the shower's you. And I go, fucking wait there, lad.

It's a bit of magic or something, do I mean? I'm going to learn. I'm going to learn. I'm going to learn calligraphy and I'll make the letters home look really nice. Yeah, but like that would work though. Tattooing's a good skill to know.

Keep your close up magic. Close up magic will get you through prison. Are you a lifer? I'll make two years disappear. A denim brown kind of thing. You could learn that. But would you not talk about him leaving the country to live?

Would you guys live? Could you guys see yourself living somewhere else? New York I could live in. Pooquet. Because that's the thing. He's saying. I'm leaving my wife, I'm moving to Thailand. I can't really see myself.

I think his wife and kids were probably shit, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Mine are good. So I don't think it's a great idea. Just good. By the way, the Denham Brown thing you said there. I think maybe being like some kind of clairvoyance,

that's probably the best. Because you can learn that, can you can learn it in like six months or whatever to be like a mindyed like a clear buoyant. Like, there was a comedian on the circuit who he's not doing comedy anymore because he got caught being a paedophile. Wow. Really delicately done. He did?

Yeah? Is that all the Matrix? I can't watch. Can't calligraphy. But he had a character that was like a clairvoyant and he'd come on and he'd do like jokes about he'd use it to do bits

so he's opening line used to be like I've got met like most clairvoyans have messages from people you know and loved. I've got messages from people you don't know and he's just like being a hard as a fellow called Billy. Yeah. he's got a message for you and it was all,

he made an actor down there but then he also learned how to do it properly so at the end of his act he'd do like two or three actual versions of it and I'd say him once to be like oh you lost a dog two years ago it's called bingo

don't worry he's chasing bones in the sky and the woman was like oh my God he's like how the fucks you know that you can learn how to do it, it's a skill if you learn that and then go to prison and you're telling everyone oh you'll be out in 20 years

like they'll leave you alone if they think you've got to speak to the parole board too with this can I just ask Was that a direct example of what he did on stage? Because that is phenomenal cold reading if he... Yeah, yeah, he did something like that in front of me.

That sounds mad, though. Was it funny, though? Yeah. It was really good. Yeah. Oh, okay, that's good, because if people would be doing tricks on stage, not funny, it's just impressive.

He was a character comic, and he got to a point where... His name's Tom Bins. That's the name of the fella, and he got, like, caught with images of, like, you know. But it was... His two characters used to be, one of them was a hospital radio DJ, so he was pretending he was broadcasting back to a hospital.

And he'd be like, you know, oh, this is for Johnny's getting his ears pinned back. And then it'd be like simply led holding back the years, but it's like holding back the years. It was little jokes like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he started asking comedy clubs to book him to open and close, and he'd do one character on the first slot.

That's mad. And then he closed with his other one. Yeah. Then he did another character. I've seen him do all three sets. Yeah. But it, like, not my, not the kind of thing I want to do, but you cannot deny it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was.

He had another character that was a paed. He's always a weird cunt. And now he's like, like, death how an honest. But also, in terms of, also with this thing, yeah, do you know, sometimes getting caught is the best thing. And then they go into prison. There's like, it's freedom. Yeah, because then they can stop because they, sometimes, I mean, if you've got these horrible thoughts and you've got to act on them, if someone stops you, you get to stop doing the

you out of thing. Hang on. So you're talking about paedophiles again? I'm talking about a lot of things. Are we talking about what crime are you talking about? I'm talking about any crime. You're saying you commit any crime, sometimes getting caught.

Sometimes, yeah. Yeah, because you get to stop doing the thing that is obviously Yeah, if you cheat on your girl, yeah? Sometimes it's better if she just leaves you. Because then you, I'm fucked that up, man's out. But if she stays with you, it's like being on the run in your own relationship. You're just waiting. You're just waiting to get caught again.

The con. There's a great Patrice O'Neill bit about that. Yeah. His bit is like, he's like, look, if you cheat on me, in his missus,

he's like, if she cheats on me, he's like, I'll stay and you lose your say. He's like, for the rest of time, you just don't get to say, I'm going to do whatever I want to do,

you're going to shut the fuck up. I'll get over you cheating. And it just, it is what it is. You've lost your say, I want to buy something, I want to do something. I want to go on this trip.

You no longer get a say in anything. That's what you've lost by doing that. But I'll, will stay. He's like, but if I cheese on you and you find out, I'm gone. It's like, because I'm not living an apology. Yeah, yeah, literally. But that's how I feel is also when guys are on the run. I know guys who are on the run and it's just like, it's long for them. So when they're to go jail and do their time. It's a relief. Yeah, Shem. A relief. Shem's life has got a whole lot better since he actually, because he was on the run for eight years. Eight years.

He's a, he's a, he's a, he's a martial artist and he went on the run. Uh, got whatever he was and now he's in the UFC. Come on, this dude. Sometimes serve the time. So we did this time, but now we started his life again and his life's 10 times better than it was. Yeah, but also some,

because what happens to some of my guys, they got on what they call joint enterprise, which is peak. So let's say like we're all together. Sound like recall? Yeah, kind of like a re-co, but like what might be altogether that you might murder someone

and because we were all here in this room, they're like, you all did it. So you all serve like similar time. But that, yeah, because you didn't stop or like maybe you got the weapon or maybe like you're all, you all contribute. You're a co-conspirity.

You get charged with the same crime. You all get the same crime. Like if we, it's the same, like if we all decided to bagel a house and while we're in there, there's a, the fellow who lives there tries to stop us

and you kill them. We all get done from there. Ah, you, right, right. Okay, okay, okay. But sometimes like, sometimes people were just there. So something might happen at a party. I went to the party with all of you. So it's like we're all.

we're all a group and we all did this sort of thing do you know what I mean and guys start snitching in that's long man that's what I said the street life just leave it alone so if I rob a bank at 75 and we all did a podcast together we'll go and nick it together we're not a prison podcast if you're old as you were doing it then yeah yeah joint enterprise also if you do that without telling us I'm going to be fuming I won't

I promise you this I won't rob a bank at that time I've run out of things to say on the podcast isn't he got a new hobby Robin Banks. Andrew, tell us where we can find you online. Tell us how we can get tickets for yours and Bemi's show and plug anything else you want to plug. Oh yeah, thank you guys, man. You can just find us online.

Me and Bemi's show is called We Saw That. We do a podcast every Friday that comes out and our live shows last Tuesday every month and the link is in the bio. We saw that Instagram and TikTok, man. And you guys are doing it, so yeah. Andrew, this has been a long time coming and you have smashed it today.

That's going to go down fucking really well with everyone. Appreciate it. Thanks for coming on. Adam row.com at UK for tour tickets. We've got a hip-hop night on the 14th of March. I want to come to that, you know. I'd love you to be there just to validate some of the choices of songs for making.

Can you say hip-up now? Do you just play? No, so he's going. So Ishan's going to DJ, but he's using only songs that I've got South Asian samples in. Okay, cool, cool. I'm doing 90s and early-noughties. 14th of March, yeah?

I get the bangers. In Liverpool. Yeah. Man's there. Yeah. And they were like my time of hip-hop up to now, so like the last 15 years. What, all the stuff that you've discovered. All the stuff that I grew up listening to.

Okay, yeah, cool, cool. Well, Adam, you there? Yes. Any songs? No. Right. Just recommend the song? Shut down by Skeptor.

There you go, go and listen to that. He needs to push. Yeah, up and coming artists. Usually we have at the end, we have an up-accomun artist, send their music in, but because Finn, isn't here. I'm really worried about doing UK hip hop at our night. Right?

I think it's a mostly. But you might look, UK hip-hop was lit in Liverpool now. I know, but I want to do like cano P's and Q's from like 2005. So I don't know if everyone's going to be into it. That's my year though, isn't it really? No. 2000 of 2000, you just said last 15 years. I can go to 20 years.

Yeah. All right. Am I 2004 cutoff? Pisa and Q's a staple though. Yeah, it'll be fine. Yeah. But there's some new Liverpool guys that are coming out now that are sick. Yeah.

There's a black guy as well. I just listen to his tune on the way up. Obviously, I'm trying to get into the zone. We actually have a song. Cats, cats eight, they're called one-tenths. That's a proper Liverpool tune. It's the song, they're called one-tens. They're called one-tens.

Yeah, he's talking about the trainers. You know what the trainers' one-tens? Yeah. Just checking you guys are in tune. Right, yeah. How are I? putting you on to Liverpool guys. Country.

Old. Yeah, I mean, I know a bit. Hey, check him out. Check him out. Sick. All right, well, that was our song recommendation. Bye, bye. By the way, if we all die over there, this is the last ever episode, so I hope you've enjoyed the ride.

Posed it well. Marvelish.