Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #367 with Tom Davis - Have A Word w/Adam, Dan & Carl

Episode Date: February 9, 2026

Tickets, merch and loads more available on our website! https://haveawordpod.comDan & Carl's Hip-Hop Night || https://www.skiddle.com/e/41781901Tickets for Have A Word Live shows as well as Adam and Dan's tours and previews:Adam's Tickets: https://www.adamrowe.comDan's Tickets: https://dannightingale.comCarl's Stream || https://twitch.tv/senseicarl_Finn's Music & Tickets: https://finnlayk.co.ukTom's Tour: https://bigtomdavis.com/As Adam and Dan said, don't miss out on all of our extra content, we've got one of the best value Patreons in the game. An extra 90+ minute episode every week plus loads of bonus content such as the now infamous Lockdown Lock-ins, the Nashville & Amsterdam specials and our Ghost Hunts! What are you waiting for? Sign up now at https://patreon.com/haveawordpod​Get subscribed to Have A Word Highlights: https://youtube.com/haveawordhighlightsListen to Finn's new EP: https://finnlayk.lnk.to/AllInYourMindThanks to this week's sponsors:Heights | https://heights.com/haveawordEnter code HAVEAWORD20 at checkout for 20% off your first month!Manscaped | https://manscaped.com20% off with promo code: WORD20NordVPN | https://nordvpn.com/haveawordEXCLUSIVE NordVPN Deal ➼ https://nordvpn.com/haveaword Try it risk-free now with a 30-day money-back guaranteeLovehoney | https://lovehoney.co/word_podcastLove how you love and take 20% off sitewide to unlock sexual happiness and discover a happier you with promo code: AFF-WORD20ADAM ROWE and DAN NIGHTINGALE are two award winning comedians from Liverpool & Preston, respectively. They are two of the UK's most highly regarded stand-ups and have both performed all over the world. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello everyone. Welcome to this week's episode of the Haverwood podcast. Yes. Me and Carl have got to announce our hip-hop night is on the 14th March, Saturday the 14th March at Kitchen Street in Liverpool. We're both into hip-hop. Yes. We love doing these music nights.

Yeah, we're both on a DJ and so it's going to be a Dan Nightingale set, a Carl Regler set, and an Ishan Acheon Achebara set. So if you love rap and hip-hop and you enjoy the Haver word music nights, Adam's Country Days are amazing. I've done a dance night. The karaoke parties have been brilliant. This might never happen again. So get your tickets.

The link is in the description. And it's on Patreon. Dan and Carl's hip-hop night, 40 a week of March. It'll be a little hippody-hop belter. 6pm till 10pm. So if you're old, you can just go to bed. And if you're young, you can go out afterwards. And while you're here, sign up for our Patreon.

Patreon.com slash have a word pod. We are the biggest patron in the UK for a reason. an extra episode every week, early access to the public episodes and all of our specials, and my God, there's a few. Every minute of every we've ever made is accessible the second you sign up. If you sign up for a little of three pound,

you can watch every we've ever done. It's the best deal in comedy, I think. Patreon.com slash have a word pod. Enjoy the episode, cos. Because it was a bloody belter. Wag-waglids, you're listening to the funniest podcast in the game from the heart of Liverpool with Adam, Dan,

Sensei Carl and Finn, this is the one and only. Have a word. This episode is brought to you by NordVPN. The very best in protecting your online activity. Go, Ed. Get on me. There's an air of lethargy in here today. I walked in to half nine. Yeah, but I walk in and it's just like everyone had fell out.

It's half nine and we've seen each other every day for about six years. Yeah, but like even you and Harry weren't talking to each other normally. When you two in a room together, the years are a little, like it's just a bit. We suck each other off. There's no lack of feeling, though. The feeling's still there.

No, he bought me a coffee. It did feel a bit businessy office this morning when everyone came in. Yeah, because it's office times. It's my fault. It's my,

well, it's not your fault. Grand's fault. I tell you what, if those listeners that comments, all the negative, just every week

and see in that, like, walk in there, they'd be like, that's it. They're like, you've seen last week's comments. It's clear.

Everyone hates daddy. Yeah, we all want Harry dead, apparently. They're finally done with Harry. Yeah. They're done with them. Harry. I want me dead as well. Harry.

Cheers. Just know that Harry reads every one of those comments. Stop. Oh no, yeah. No, he's not. It's kind of part of Harry's job. The whole thing of like, oh, Harry needs to get off his phone more, it's working. Just leave horrible stuff.

No, don't leave audible stuff. There's also lots of nice stuff. Let's have it right. Well, there is a lot of fucking negative, isn't it? You got your own special three weeks to go, If I've sucked you off. Yeah, but it's ebs and bows. Flows and flows.

No, it's just 11. 11 loud cunts. It is what it is. But they're definitely for, I have proper, like, kidnapped fantasies with negative. And the ones about me, don't bother me. It's when there's, like, a negative one of our use.

Like, I get, like, so protective. I'm like, I just want to turn up. I want to get, like, one of our little nerds who sits in the corner to find their IP address. There's only one of them. There we want. Josh, Josh in the corner.

We think he was evil as well. What is, let's not put his name out there. It begins with A, don't he? Yeah. The other lad, he could definitely find an IP address or some negative cunt.

Oh yeah. I could turn up at their house and just be like, in the fucking van, cunt, what were you saying about, Addy? You got a gun?

What? No, it's my fingers. Oh. I don't know, in it. I'll fucking poke you. And you just tied them to a chair, you just make them watch some shit.

They don't want to watch. Do you know what I mean? A podcast. Make them watch Harry's best bits And then just slowly cut them Whoa Oh like like It's probably best we didn't talk

When we came in then Because you've coming with this one Like Laura Biden citizen Yeah Oh that's exactly yeah Yeah I'm gonna say he's American He's not in Scottish

Is he? Yeah Gerald Butler Famously Scottish He's so Scottish Is he Scottish in that film? No Oh

He's He I'm fucking Hang on He's Scottish My wife and my daughter! I'm going to fucking shoot you. Jimmy Fox. Yeah, as he says the actors now.

He's like, well, you're breaking the four-fall here. Jared Butler is special. What's the fact about that film? Oh, I know. The trivia fact. I don't even know what film you're on about. Laura Biden's Citizen. Oh, Laura Biden's Citizen.

Can you see me with the fact? I might have seen it. I don't know if I've seen it. It's... I'm not a big, Jared Butler guy. It's really fucking good. Wow, Bitty. It's a really good action.

film like you've got a bit rough yeah yeah but it's good uh have you seen it no okay wow i reckon that's top 150 films ever wow wow 150 i'm pushing in 50 i'm pushing it in there i'm pushing it into it's probably in the 140 especially for men and now in the top 140 no but i mean i wouldn't go top under but it it sneaks into that 50 i'd say it's it's a really watchable action film But the fun fact, so in it, Gerard Butler plays a wronged father. That's, I'm not giving anything else away. And Jamie Fox plays a lawyer who initially represents Gerard Butler and then it turns and it gets all mad. Gerard.

But initially, Gerard Butler got the role of the lawyer. Jamie Fox got the role of the father. Whoa. They filmed for about a month. and then they had like a coffee or something and Geraba was like, I'd fucking love to be playing your role and Jamie was like, I'd be loving to play your role lad and they were like, should we go on and speak to the director

and say, listen, come, we're swapping? Put all that money in the bin for the last month? But they literally did they refilm it? Or did they just switch mid-sene? No, they refilmed it yet. They started again because the director was like, oh yeah, that does make more sense. They literally swapped off.

I bet the studio love that. Yeah. Oh, okay. I kill everybody. It's a sick line there. Oh, no, everybody. It's one of them. Is it Eichel everyone?

It's such a great line. I kill everybody. That's not the line. Jamie, we swap characters. Jared, you do it. Ikel everybody. No, just because not the line. This is going to be a legendary line

if the right person says it and gets the line right. Everybody days. Just because Shimae said it. No, Jared, again, not the line. Ham's at Shemai, I've said this or got a bit mixed though. But he said, I can everybody! That's how he said it.

Better when it's a chinless Georgian. Oh, is that a quote from that. that film? No. Oh. No, it's just a guy who can't speak English. He can't everybody!

That was a good impression, by the way. Is that the one that with a beard looks fairly menacing? He's one of the scariest look of men in the fucking world. He's got the syndrome where you've got no chin. He's got a cleft palate. He used this. Oh, has he?

Yeah, yeah. He's got both. Oh, hang on, I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about his chin. He's got no chin. He's got zero chin. He's got a firm chin. Oh, yeah.

If you can find it. You're punching beard, home boy. This beard. Good film, anyway. Top 150 ever. 140. How many films do you reckon you've seen? 150?

I've seen over 150 films, yeah. Also, it is. I'm not 50 unless you can name it 150 better than it right now. Go? It's just like the tennis thing from my holiday. He couldn't name tennis players, which made me sad, or golf players. I've therefore seen 150 films in my life. That's everybody, surely.

I saw 100 films last year. I kept a counter. You know what I mean? It's probably like, What? How many do you reckon you've seen? You're in your thousands. Yeah? No.

Of course. You're in your thousand. I've been watching films since I was a kid. Thousand. I'm 17,000. A thousand different films or you've watched a... I mean, my stats are slowing down. But I bet I still...

You're what, 44. Thank you. How old are you when films are in 10? Not yet. You're not yet. What? Are you? Are you?

Are you? Are you? It's 45 next month? I'm no finish. Are you? I'm 45. I'm 45. I'm 45.

Is it a 50? is the night. The night. The night. The night after the hip-hop night. Or the night, midnight, a hip-up night, baby. We're finished at 10.

Oh, I'm going to have pull half-manathon on your birthday. I'll do it for you. Thank you. Raising money for me. Parkinson's. Which you've been doing for the last six years. It's been great. What?

Old people get it, Auntie. You know what I mean? Yeah. We haven't seen thousands of films, though. Genuinely, one of my little quiet concerns. Quiet concerns. Sure about it then. My dad's got Parkinson's.

Thanks for raising money preemptive. I didn't mean. So many mum's dad. Don't worry. Did he have Parkinson's? Isn't that the bald gene? Isn't it all the same? Was your mum's that bald?

Oh, is every illness and baldness come from... Boldness isn't an illness. It feels like it. It looks like it. Has your dad got like locks? No, but he did. But he did. Yeah?

Oh, yeah. Seventies. Is he a bad? Heard man. No, he's not a bald-headed man, but he, it's, you know,

it's slowed down because he's 74, but... He resented down a bit, but he's got better than you. Yeah, he has got better hair

with me. Yeah, but he can't bowl. Hmm. But in the 70s, my God, that was, uh,

some flowing lots on, was he a stud, was he? Yeah, he looked great. So you're 45. Mufasa. 45.

I'm about to turn 45, yeah. So we'll, we'll lower that down to 40 because I reckon the first four years, we just won't count that, right? Okay. So 40 years of your life. You reckon you watch, on average,

two films a week, because for you to get to... A thousand? A thousand, you'd have to do 25 films a year. I'm pretty sure... What? How many? 25 a year. That's a lot. You'd be one film every two weeks, then, wouldn't it? Sorry, yeah. That's still a lot, though. Yeah.

When was the last time you watched the film, except for, like, on the plane? I think it'll be all right. When was the last time you started to home watch the film? I don't. I don't, like, I... I don't watch films. Yesterday. Oh, what did you watch?

The new Wes Anderson one that's gone on Sky, the Phoenician... Oh, the Phoenician scheme. Yeah. I watched Nuremberg before we set off. I think you're underestimating how many films you sneaky. Stinky watches loads of films. The darkest hour on the plane,

which was one of my favourite films. Did you remember it? Really? Because I was there. I was in Parliament. This guy is. won me over. That's a great film. Also revs me up.

That's the kind of rev up I want, these flag nonsies, like, which is all underpinned racism. But, hey, just watch the darkest hour when we're actually fighting Nazis rather than being them. That's great. Churchill was racist, though.

Churchill was a bad man than he ate the Indians. Yeah, Churchill was a bit of a gobshot and has a pretty checkered history, but he's going to be remembered for, He didn't win the war, he just sat there and talked. Yeah, I've heard this argument before. He was the commander-in-chief of... Wasn't on the front of the British.

Oh, you're right, yeah, so he didn't win the war. Like, he came up with all the strategic stuff that won us the war. Shoot them. Yeah, that was the big one. He was like, we should shoot them. I was like, this is wild. You know, these guns? Stop hitting them with them.

I really... For some reason, that gets me that when he was talking about... Insurance. Not Dunkirk. What's the other one? What's the one for before that? Battle of Britain. No, when they went and saved the D-Day landings. Normandy. Beaches.

Oh, God. He talks about beaches. It's really bad. Oh, yeah. If I can't remember, you guys aren't going to be able to. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. When we saved the British Expeditionary Force from the...

Oh, we spoke about the public life. What was it? Operation Dynamo, where we... The Battle of... Hastings? there you go. Someone say Henry the 8th and just let's get our full history bingo card in.

I do understand what Carl means though. Like, I do think, yeah, I think we need to let Wallace out there because he's barking. Just like one of those tech geeks at the back, do it? Josh. The only one. I, uh, when like the commander in chief,

first of all, I ate that phrase. I hate that name. Commander in chief, he's in the chief. He's bumming the chief. and he's the commander. It doesn't make any sense to me. I don't think it was and. But it's not.

Makes more sense, doesn't it? Yeah, commander and I'm the boss. So I tell you what to do. And you better listen because I'm the fucking boss. The commander in chief does me heading. Doesn't make sense grammatically. And I do think that they get too much credit. Because what are they actually doing?

It's the same as Super Bowl winners when they only gets, I won this. You fucking never meet? The kid who buried someone with? No, but I think they deserve more credit than Winston Churchill. I think Robert Kraft deserves more credit for the New York the New England Patriots dynasty

than Churchill does for World War II because he funded like the Patriots he was there guiding Tom Brady and Bill Belichick and without Robert Kraft without Robert Kraft that that dynasty doesn't happen

without Winston Churchill we'd still all be sat here talking about it I'm talking German lad do you know what did he do what did he do was he fucking so they were a tactics board do you know what I mean fucking do this

King Charles as the command of the United States who win World War II I mean he was yeah what you mean like all the strategy started and ended with Churchill he made the final decision

on all those calls but right yeah but like how was he communicating with these millions of troops because there was no Zoom back then no there was there was radio though yeah but I don't think it

really translates on the radio does it What, the English language? Get him. Go on, go on, get him. And they had ciphers. Was it like football back in the olden days? Like, they were all just like guessing. Or was it like data, like XG?

Oh my God, please. Expect the Germans. Six. Please, please watch the darkest tower. You'd have more respect. And it's, I don't know how factually correct it is. I'm pretty sure that it stayed pretty close. Why is the prime minister and not the commander in chief now?

Isn't it the king now? What the fuck? I got told the Queen was the commander-in-chief, and she'd be run on the horse at the front. Oh, stop trying to fucking... I'm not? That's what I got told. So is it still...

Is it a cursed arm now? He should have a sword out? Well, we're not... We're not at war. Like, I just don't think it would ever be the same. There's war on the streets and there's war in the Middle East. I can't have this conversation on poverty. I can't do it.

There's a war on drugs so the police can bother me. I've not had enough breakfast to deal with. I'll just goaded me. Because I'm being who I don't want. want to be. Because who I told me, why am I defending Churchill? Anyway, is our commander in chief right now?

I don't think officially we've got one, have we? The Prime Minister. If it kicks off today, we've got to do like a fucking election. Sucked Hendix. Who is it, Finn? King Charles III. Thank you. No, it's fucking not. Is the commander in chief of the British Armed Forces? Of course. He's just

the fucking head. It's just there's no tactical decision made. The President's just a puppet? That's dodgy as well. That's dodgy as well? That's dodgy as well. Because if he goes like that, go and kill him. His finger's so big he could be putting a 15 people. Yeah. 14 people dying there.

Take out a half a continent. Commander-in-chief. He's... Absolutely not. King chisel. There it was. He should be at the front with us going, oh, kill them. By the way, I'd back that all the way.

When did that stop, though? Caesar? That used to be the... No. No. Jesus Christ. I bit, then, and I don't even like history. When did...

Who was the last king that fought in a, like, rode into battle? Was it post-Harled to drive? Was it Harry the 8th? Henry the 7th. You're right? Look at that. It would have been Henry the 7th.

Hang on the 7th was after the... I know, he was born. Okay. It's like Star Wars. They just mix you up a little bit. Battle of Bosworth, maybe. They're around there. End of the War of Roses.

Yeah, man. Because then Henry Dave was just like, fuck, fight him, man. Let's just have gangbanks and that. women. I'd love a history geek to correct me on that, but that's my guess. Well,

where did you pull that from? That's beautifully done. No, and the Henry the 8th, that was Henry the 7th. No, knowing that he, no, that was pretty,

the fuck have you pulled that from? No, he said, who was the last king to actually fight in a battle? Yeah. He killed the guy in that car park, didn't he? It definitely wasn't Henry the 8th.

Oh, yeah, he's played in the test. Yeah, that's right, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. But define battle, though? Are you telling me, Henry the 8th, never had the straightener?

I thought you were going to talk about rat battles again. Henry VIII was a big rat battler. No, but I mean like if Henry D.A. you've ever got into like Christie Cuffs in the pub. That's not a war, is it? Why?

What words? Well, it's a fight. What's the difference? I think numbers. Also. So at what point is a pub brawl, a war? What's the number?

I think you've got to be a pretty big gobshot to be like, you punch me, right? You're at war with my country. Traitor. In fact, to be honest, if you punched the king, you would be a threat. Who's the car park guy? Richard the third.

But there wasn't Tesco's then? Yeah, they built the car park on him. Right. Because he was under the Tesco car park, won't he? What, Tesco car park? In Leicester. Was he? Yeah.

Buried with his full bear certificate and dental records. He knew it was him. Wild. It's pretty so amazing, then. It is, yeah. Jimmy Hoffer.

Never found him either. Either? He did fine. Did he all right? Die in the War of the Roses. Under a Morrison's. War of the Roses was Yorkshire against Lancashire, weren't it? Kind of you.

Yeah, it was. Did you finish your book? It wasn't. It wasn't Yorkshire against Lancaster. It wasn't like the Battle of the Pennines. The Duchy of Lancaster was the king of England. They passed it. They passed out on the left side.

And the Duke of York. That's why it gets called the War of the Roses. Is it up to have to be up. But it was the Duke of York against the king. I've not got to that bit of the book. Isn't it this why it always kicks off at the cricket, though? Yeah. It's the old firm.

That is the old firm of cricket. I thought that's why he says each other. I thought that's the way Freddie Flintoff can't go for a pint in, barely. He's from Lancaster. Isn't he from Lancashire? Yorkton. Wow, that must have killed him. Freddie Flintoff, like ban from Sheffield or something?

Is he? Because of the War of the Roses. You're killing me. Absolutely kidding. People driving to wear right now, just wanting to drive in the war, right? Fascinating. Can you Google that? Is Freddy Fenthal banned from Yorkshire?

No, not that bit. I want to know which was the last English king to fighting about. battle. He's fighting his own battle. I'm going, Hemley of the Sixth, me. George the Third. There was. Awful King. George the Second. Terrible.

Oh, it was one of! George the Second? George the Second. No way. 1743. What? Which battle? Oh, 800 double. I know very little about 18th century history.

War of the Austrian succession. Why is he getting involved in that? He was 60. Because they're all related. He was 60, so there's time for you to fight in battle. That wasn't why I was asking. the question. Oh, right. This light's on the blink here, boys.

Yeah. They were being haunted by the ghost of Henry the 8th. I stopped talking about me. That normally fixes it, to be fair. I mean, it will fix it. I'm the fucking Fons. That's the manliest thing I've ever seen you do.

I'm so glad the tap of my foot wasn't on camera because it was a real, a toot-toot. It was a real dainty, tut-toot. So he was at the front on the osk, pointing, going, kill him. Oh, fighting, I would imagine. Not George the second.

That's bullshit. He's not fucking killed anyone. anger. I thought they were at the back, still in battle, but going, do, do, do, and pointing. Then I don't down front, are they? You hit him. Medieval kings would have been absolutely in the mix with their banner up.

Yeah, I think so, yeah. Like Edward III, Henry V, they'd have done some slatter in. It's bad than it, because one wrong move and the king's dead. Oh, they went for it, yeah. But they would have been surrounded by knights as well. Right. Because it's key piece, like chess. I fucking love, I love a better medieval history.

does it for me. I suppose the only reason they were, like, elected king in the first place is, like, are we his boss of fighting? Well, that's not true because it was, you weren't elected as king. You know what I mean, picked. But all the kings that got deposed were unpicked because they were shit at leading in a kingly fashion. So you are kind of right.

But if a king had a son and they lived up to it, fine, the succession's fine. Yeah. As soon as you have a gobshite king like Edward II or Richard, the second or Henry the sixth, it causes major problems because they can't perform the role of a warrior king. Yeah. It's like if Mike Ashley's son runs sports direct into the ground, they'll get rid of them and be like, you're not selling enough big cups.

How do you get? You should be at the front selling big cups. Can I have a carrier bag? No, but you can have a 599 bag for life that you definitely don't want on a big cup. They should use the cups as the bags. There's cups too big. beating in the cup. Oh, beautiful analogy.

Henry the sick to Sports Direct. No podcast can do it. Who's your favourite? King. Monarch. Henry V. What was he doing? Just an absolute legendary warrior king.

Did he die young? Yeah, he did, yeah. At the peak of his powers. In other way, there's like Henry... Elizabeth I first as well. Unbelievable. God. Yeah.

Do you know the way there's like Henry the 8th and George the 9th and all, like, the numbers? There is no, John. Not yet. Is there any of them that doesn't start at one where they were just like, I want to be the fourth? Is there any like, you know, Alan the fourth or something? Is that anyone just ducked in and went,

I don't like the feel of just being... Yeah, don't want to be first. I don't want the pressure of faith. That's the worst. Yeah. There's only ever been one King John. Yeah. Cupsight.

There's all the one. Yeah, but like, what I mean is, did anyone just go? I'm not being the first. I want to be John the 5th. Yeah. There was... No. I mean,

James the first of England was James the sixth of Scotland when we inherited there. Surely you just had them together and just become James of three and a half. Was there ever any non-like Bible names like an Alistair or something? Queen Anne.

King Reuben. Queen Anne was a lesbian as well. Was she here? Queen Anne was like licking out two mistresses. Is that the film? Is that the favourite? Olivia Coleman's in the favourite.

Yeah, she was like necking on with Emma Stone and like medieval. I thought that was a big film. No, it's real. It's based on old Emma Stone. And who was Mary Queen of Scots? What's she up to? Because I've watched her film, that's good. Mary Queen of Scots had a claim

to the English throne. Sertia Rowan, very good. She married the King of France. He died. Then she took the crown of Scotland and then was just a Catholic gobchite. And we were heavily Protestant at the time.

And where does Lady Jane Grey fit into all of this, Dan? She would basically put up. Who's that? She was... She was like the nine day... Is it nine day queen? She was used... Something queen.

Yeah, to try and take the throne. And she lasted about nine days and then got beheaded. It really wasn't her fault. But after Henry the 8th, There was a problem with the succession. It went from Edward to Bloody Mary. And I think Jane Grey's in there somewhere. And then Elizabeth got the crown.

When you say she got beat other than it? It wasn't her fault? She got used by the Barrett, the powerful lords of the time to try and get control of the crown. But she got an insurance policy then? Yeah, absolutely. You've been beheaded and it wasn't your fault.

Always hungry. Look at your history knowledge, Lady Jane Gray. It's impressive, mate. You've watched a film recently, I've witnessed. know that's from Sarah Jane Adventures when I was a kid well that was history I love how much you love history

I wish I loved something like that and knew that much about it I wish I knew more about it so when you actually start asking questions I've got the I really struggle to maintain you've got a good base knowledge though you've got the same knowledge of history as I have of like

Premier League footballers no I don't think it's as good yours no your Premier League footballer knowledge is better than mine like your ability to retain that information is better than mine to retain historical information. Mine just gets fucking faded. You say that though, but I couldn't tell you who owned

Bolton under Sam Alibis. That's a continual Wattra. John Reebok. It's always cool that Reebok is started in Bolton and they were like... Did they? I didn't know that. Rebock's a... I did not know that. Yeah. I think that's why they were so heavily involved in Bolton. And again, I need a fact check

on that, but I think Reebok, as a sports company, started like 100 or years ago in Bolton. You've just proved Adam, right? You knew the fact that he didn't. Yeah, you're right. 1895, Joseph William Foster. You're a fountain of knowledge then. Yeah. I love a little a small town label like that becoming like a global thing because you can get Reebok

in like America, can't you? Shack owns it now. It was a UFC sponsor. I think Shaq has bought Reebok or a massive, like a chunk of it. They messed the UFC up though, badly. Why? They got the sponsorship deal and they just fucked it and they were spelling their fighters names wrong on the show.

or whatever when they probably put it in the bin. You know, Shaq had like a shoe deal. It might have been with Nike or Adidas or whoever. People. And it was like, like, sort of as he was getting like big commercial sponsorships and he was like one of the big names, sort of a similar deal, obviously not the same to like Jordan. Like you're the new shoe guy.

And he was in like Walmart one day and some like mother and her son come up to him. And his son was like, oh, yeah, I. I want your shoes, like, whatever. And the mum was like, you should be fucking ashamed of yourself. Like, I can't afford to get your shoes for them because they're like, you know, $150 or $200 or whatever. All these kids look up to you.

You come from a poor background and, like, the shoes you sell, they should be able to get them. He called as manager, told them to cancel the deal with Adidas or Nike or whoever it was and spoke to Walmart and was like, I want to make shoes that every, like, poor family.

can afford and then he became the Walmart shoe guy. But the kids don't want them shoes. I know, but the kids don't want the shoes because they're the cheap Walmart Shack shoes, aren't they? Thought was there though. The thought was there. He just seemed cool. He's got the biggest, uh, he's got the biggest receipt ever in Walmart,

hasn't he? He got traded. Towards the end of his career got traded and they were like, oh, we've got a flat for you, but it's empty. And he just went to Walmart and bought everything in one shop. It was $78,000. Got your club card. Seven pounds off.

I think I might have turned Etta into a vegetarian. And... You're not a vegetarian, put your hand down, you fucking idiot. And ruined my own night's sleep in the process. What's got on here then? So, just as we're going to bed, after the kids have been calm, they've been a combination of like,

either doing a home walk or watching something, and they're all chilled, then you start going, A, it's probably time for bed, we should go upstairs, so they go, cool. Woo! I need to know things.

I need to hydrate. Let's do handstands. Jack was like, he'd obviously been pondering this and he was like, what is sausages? It's junkers. What is a sausage?

He was like, is cow a sausage? And I was like, no, pigs are sausages. Well, beef sausage. Cows of cows. Chicken, sausages, chicken,

so, so, but mainly sausages is, is, is, the default sausage. Right, okay,

so I was like, bacon and pork, that's sausage. And I was like, did the beef, you've told, the bacon, bacon and pork is sausage.

Pig. Pig, is that, right. Yeah, chicken. Isn't pig different to pork?

What's Linda McCartney? Vegetarian? A woman. No. And then Etta sort of, like, ran with the conversation.

and so we're going upstairs. I'm getting like ready for bed. She's got to go and we're going to go and read. Fine. And she was like, what else other animals get eaten? And because we'd spent time with the Maasai, I said, they goat. I was like, oh, and I was with the Maasai.

I don't want to ruin the special in any way, but they go. And she was like, really? And we're like, yeah. And then I can't believe I let the words leave my mouth. I was like, yeah, they, they killed the goat in the afternoon and eat it in the evening. And she went, how do they kill the goat? Oh, darn.

Before bedtime. And I went, let's talk about this another time, because I realized how close to bedtime we were. And I was going to explain about slaughtering goats, but don't worry. Etta started guessing, she went, do they chop the head off? And I didn't go, no, they give it a cuddle till it goes to sleep, which I should have. Cuddled death. I should have, yeah. No, you can't lie to you.

kids tell the truth. They slit its throat and watch it bleed out. And drink its blood. Well, in not answering the question, she basically guessed that. And then went, I think I'm a vegetarian now. And I was like, I totally understand that completely. I was like, night then, she went into a bedroom. I got in my room.

And I think about 15 seconds later she came in and went, I feel really freaked out. Can I sleep in your bed? So I really fucked that. I think she's a vegetarian now. And she couldn't sleep in her own bed last night. So I had to get the shit kicked out of me. by my nine-year-old all night

because she sleeps with constant night terrors. Yeah, of course. She's going to have loads of them now about fucking goats and sheep. Joy, in our ass, and night tennis. I was telling about slaughtering goats before bed turned. Oh, I really fuck that up.

Yeah, but you have got to tell her the truth because she's old enough that she can just Google her. Well, she eats meat, so we can't, like, I don't want it to be that hypocrite that's like, oh, I don't want to deal with any of that, but I do like eating their tasted, tasted goat, but I really should have done a better job of smoothing over

what the mass I were doing with the goats before they scramed. Usually a bolt gun as well, back of the head. I don't think that would have helped her nightmares. What's a bolt gun, daddy? Don't worry about it, babe. Go to sleep. Shish, shush, shush.

It's just a very sharp point that is pushed into the brain at the animal. About 1,000 miles an hour. They don't even fucking know what's happening. In an apple, well. And then they're dead. They're dead. They just bleed out.

Don't worry about it. What's halal? Well, that's a bit more complicated. Yeah, I've really fucked up. In the hotel in Tanzania, there was vegetarian corner, which only has one vegetarian, I think, because you're on.

And the starter was chicken. So which, how do you went? I don't want the starter with chicken. I'll have chicken nuggets for the main. No, no, no. You've missed a bit. He said to the waitress, I can't have chicken.

I'm vegetarian. No, so there was no vegetarian. option. It was just fish. Every time we mentioned vegetarianism, it was like the people of Tanzania wanted to do the bit of the... Why are you gay?

Yeah. And she was like, right, there isn't really a veg option. So she was like, you could just go off the kids' menu. So on the kids' menu was chicken nuggets. So Harry was like, man, I'm eating. I'm going to get the chicken nuggets.

So she was like, okay. He was like, I'm going to get the chicken nuggets for Maine. She was like, okay. She was like, is the starter still good? And he was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. but I'm going to have to take the chicken off because I'm vegetarian. And even though this was a really good hotel

and she was trying to do good customer service, she wanted to go, what the fuck are you talking about me? I can't have that chicken in the starter because I'm having loads of chicken from me, me. I'd had four lots of pasta in a row and it was either pasta or chicken nuts, so I can't be doing pasta again.

It wasn't either pasta chicken nuggets? It was pizza. But the pizza looked and was awful. It was shit. So did you sleep meat then? So I was like, I'll get the chicken nuggets. But I had the maddest like, it's not PTSD, but it was like mad panic attack

of every time I'd ever gone to like a friend's house growing up and had to like not eat food. I had all of that and then I could just see this woman judging me. So I was just ordering cocktails, not looking at her. Yeah, because, I mean, I understand that anxiety is horrible and having a panic attack's not nice, but you literally said I can't eat chicken, so I'll have the chicken, please.

I wasn't even worth it as well. They weren't even good chicken. They were weird. They were like little mini-key abs. Oh, I really liked them. They looked good. I got them as a side. They were nice.

Yeah. A bit tougher. Yeah. That gave honest, genuine, all of the memories of me being fussy growing up. I remember one time I had a mate's mum tried to feed me pizza when I was like eight and I just left his house.

On your own? You just started walking. I was like, I can't, I can't do it. What kind of pizza was it? Just cheese and tomato back. I'd never had pizza before. So I was like, you can't. Yeah, I get it.

Because I've been there a lot and it's embarrassing. Especially when you're an adult and you're like, oh, I'm acting like a fucking seven-year-old. And people are, just fucking grow up. You're like, that's just not how it works. I feel genuine emotional strain. But also, you have another layer of strain because you're embarrassed about what the woman thinks of you.

And she is, you're never going to see her again in your life. And I don't know why that. Yeah, but she was judge either way. Yeah, because they don't understand. Yeah, but first of all, they don't really understand vegetarianism because they're like, I'm from such a poor background. We eat anything that we can possibly get our hands on. and I think you'd benefit a lot more

instead of saying I'm vegetarian you can just say listen I have I'm really fussy and I'm really strange with the way I order food so I actually can't eat that chicken off the bone it just makes me feel a little bit sick but I'd actually love some chicken nuggets if that's okay

That sounds gay though, don't it doesn't I think it does just say listen I'm not veggie but I'm a weird of food Can I get that? And they'd be like fine if you say I'm a veggie What does that kind of do with it? It sounds worse going A, I'm going to have to take that chicken off, you know, because I'm having chicken.

That sounds like mental. I'd rather think she would, I'd rather she think I was mental than I was weird. I don't think she'd go, oh, he's just insane. She thought you were both? Yeah. Also, I want to clarify as well, like, if we were just in a muddle, I'd go, I'll take what, you know what I mean? It wasn't like, oh, this is the last of the food.

It was a posh hotel. I can pick and choose the posh hotel. Yeah, you can. It wasn't as bored hot. If it was a mud, or. You can't say, I'm vegetables. vegetarian so I can't have that chicken so get me some chicken it's easier for me to go I'm vegetarian we've got a veggie menu she was no and then brings me like then it was the offer

of chicken nuggets that was unnecessary I think that's what that was how she sounded you know you said you didn't you'd never eaten pizza and when you were what eight yeah so Dan was having cheese on toast every day and fruit what were you having crackers cheese and crackers every day have most most meals yeah cheese and Packers. The Wallace and Gromit diet. Like it was, it was turkey.

I used to have turkey dinosaurs like when I was like five, all that kind of stuff. And then I realized what Turkey was and I was like, can't be doing that now. How did your dad have that conversation with you because I'd like to learn as a parent?

What about? They take the neck and they strangle it. It squeals. I don't know what I thought. Do you know what a death rattle is, Harry? Night night. I think it was as soon as I saw turkey at Christmas

I was like if that goes into that I'm not having that anymore but cheese is cow piss I can do cow piss it's not cow piss is it at the sauce yeah comes out of a cow's dick but I generally and that was and that might have been up and so I don't know what to press but something's getting pressed that might up until I was maybe like 11

I just had cheese and crackers I was like deathly skinny really skinny and then I tried pasta when I was in secondary school and then I at them my home life kind of opened up a little bit. Then I... Because if you go to a restaurant with me, like I was losing a bit with the food in Tanzania.

But if you go to a restaurant with me, it's fine. I'm not like freaking out about any of the food. I don't change anything. I just choose the veggie options. You just hide in plain sight because there's what kind of cheese? It was always kind of chet.

But I like all cheese, really, but it was always kind of like cheddar. Or like cars or sort of. Or I'd make nachos. My guy. You overdue nachos, don't you? Like... No.

Like, I'm doing it once a year at Christmas, that's fine. But if I'm having natures every day for tea, I end up looking like a big fat Mexican. Yeah. I'm also intrigued about your Bullcombe cheese theory. You know what I mean? It comes out of a cow's dick. It's a woman cow, yeah, and she's got six of them.

Or does cow? Yeah, there's a few of them. So women have two cocks on their chest then. You know what I mean, man? If you were a kid and you see a cow doing that, you go, that's a willie. We need to take a break, mom. No, you don't do it.

It looks like a willy doesn't mean it is a willie. What is a willie? Fuck me, that's been a wild 37 minutes. Oh, yeah, let's have a break. Patreon.com slash have a word pod for extra episodes every week and early access to these public episodes. And on top of all that, you get a bonus special every single month. Their broadcast level quality we've been to India.

Don't skip. It sounded so much like a big than I've heard that people are doing that right now on the Spotify. Well, that's their fault. They'll miss gold in a minute. You know, we've been to India, we've hunted ghosts. There's other stuff as well.

Patreon.com slash have a word pod. There was the gold. There was the gold. There's another ghost on coming. Is there? Can feel it in our waters. Oh, right. Let's give some advice.

Yeah. I'm here to help. What? I'll starve your problems. I'll tell you the best thing to do. If you want to do it, you'll be fine. But if you don't, you might go to jail. Agony. Adam.

Habawaypod at gmail.com, if you'd like us to solve your problem, scus! Says, hi lids, could do with some advice on what could potentially just be a childish problem. I've never liked the label of having a best friend because I have four or five close mates that I love equally for different reasons and have known for different lengths of time. That said, for a few years, my mate, Rob, was generally considered. my best friend. It was never necessarily something said out loud, but as I imagine, Adam is with Carl and Dan is with Bondi, it was just a natural thing that happened. Long story short, I think Rob's noticed how often Harry and I hang out, and he started forcing the fact that we're best

mates into conversation with other people. I don't know if this is to make me feel bad or not, but the reason isn't my concern. Clearly, having a best friend holds a lot of value to Rob, but I really couldn't care less. I've been feeling guilty for a while now. Am I in Obed here for not deeply, for not deeping the concept of a single best mate. I mean, I understand all sides. Finn, have you got a best friend? Who's your best friend? No.

You've got boob and cam. Yeah, but I've also got my brother. No, it doesn't count. Oh, no. It can count if you're a loser. Yeah. Your bro's your bro man, but you can be best. You can be like best mates with your bro,

but you're never going to go, if you introduce him to someone else, you never go, this is my best mate. Your brother? No, he's also my brother. It's just tacit, isn't it? No. Yeah, who's your best mate?

He's a Bondi? Who's the South African one? Really? Do we do the rhyme? John's your road. Sean? Sean, that's it. Yeah, I've got some,

I've got some mates from school that I consider my best mates. I don't think you just have to have one pole position best mate. I think that person, if you want to work it out, it's the person you call when you want a help,

slash advice. It's the person whose name comes to your head first. You can have six friends who you rely on if you've got that one friend who you rely on. Yeah, but like I've got a few

like I'd call you for most things but if I needed something lifting I'd call Jack Finnegan. Right, that's not advice though, is it? There is different situations. I actually called Jack to lift things with me no longer ago.

I didn't call you. Yeah. Everyone's sort of lifting Jack's good. Yeah. Are you spirits? Surely your best mate's Bondy. There's not. greater bond than the sweet bond of cash.

If I need something, Bondi's, Bondi is my best mate. He's my oldest, closest friend, but like if I desperately need something on the phone, he's not the right guy, is he? Because he takes at least at least four to five business days.

He just, he's crap at responding. Ishan's amazing at getting back straight away. I'd consider Ishan a best friend. My mate, Matt is my best mate. I don't think you... I think it's just a sort of a status thing, in it? Like, I've got a lot of really good mates, but there are some friends who are your closest best mates.

Who would be your best man now? Have you got moneyed? Uh, Sean would still be my best man and he was. Matt, Bondi. So isn't Sean your best mate then? Yeah, he's one of my best mates, yeah. No. Is that a time thing?

I'm really not having that you only have one best friend. It's not a... It's not a CEO position. that can only be filled by one person. But he'd be your best man? I had three, I had three best men. Oh, yeah.

There was a girl as well. And the best woman. The thing is, as well, like, there is people I'd call my best mates, but I don't know, it's like, I see you guys way more than them.

Like, well. Yeah, I see you more than I see, like, Josh, but I prefer Josh. Yeah, that's fair. Yeah, but hang on. You work with us. Yeah, but I mean, like,

you're in a very privileged position. Yeah, but we pay you to be here. You're not here for the good, I know you enjoy your job. I hope you enjoy your job, but that's what the money's for. But we hang out sometimes.

I think this is an example that doesn't... We are really... We're all best made to work together. Yeah. This is a lot more of a solid friendship base with everyone the most workplaces. Yeah, but there's a priority within us, which is this that we're doing right now.

As we've said before, if I rang Adam, say Friday night, and went, hey, mate, what you've been up to? He would go, if you start it like that. Hey, on the foot, like, I can ring out of the way. I haven't got a single friend who I wouldn't question that with, though. If Carl rang me and was like, hey, mate, what are you being up to? I'd be like, a huge trouble.

He'd say blink twice on the phone. I'd be like, say bears, if you're in trouble. Blink twice? They can hear that, though. Yeah. The kidnappers can hear that. I'd need to say something. I'd be like, Joe Guest, big breasts.

And you'd know. Three, four. And you'd know. Yeah, that is. We all call that. That is, the best two pints. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you, come on.

I think he was in trouble. If Jack Finnegan rang me and was like, hi, you, mate. The only person who would ring me like that, who I'd be like, yeah, this is part of the course, is Sean Walsh. Sean Walsh, I have that phone call with every now and then he'll bring me. If I tried to have a little chat with you on a weekend over the phone, you go, no bed, what the fuck are we doing?

Yeah, but I'd be the same with him. Same with me? Yeah, because we spend four hours. a fucking week, talking to each other. So our relationship is not normal, mates. In fact, most people, if someone call me, hello, mate, you want at a call, what do you want? If a friend that you'd not seen for ages,

it's right, hey, Carl, what you've been up to? You'd be like, oh, this is fucking weird. Blink twice. Yeah? Yeah, I would. Everybody. Seneca, there's a hostage situation. Someone's trying to have a fucking phone call with me.

No, our relationship is skewed by this. We go, hello, mate, how are you doing? I'm like, what you want? get there you're right you don't need to spare what you need money you're a hostage there's a question for you on that right genuinely and i'm not doing this in a bondy unbearable bondy way right have you got any friends include let's say bondy do you think there's anyone you've got that you could call and say lad i'm in a bit of trouble i need no questions asked favor i need five grand off yeah it's going to be three months before i can pay you back you can never ask me why

I just need five grand and I need to stay can you send me here? Do you think you've got any friend who would just... Every friend that I just mentioned would just be... And I'm not messing.

And if that is a bar for real sort of being a comrade, being a close friend, then I would do that for you, you... And I'd ask for a guarantor from you too.

That's good to know that if I ever get into trouble in a casino. If you ever rang me and went, Dan, just quickly, this is a serious situation you can't ask me, I need that.

Then I'd go, yeah. But I could do that with all the people I just mentioned. A hundred percent. Yeah. Eishan included, I think. I think the only person in the air who, if they called me and was like, I need five grand, you can't ask why. I think if Hardy rang me, I'd be like, yeah, but why? What's it for?

Maybe I've got projects. See, immediately. That's... Yeah. What was that answer? I could have, like, you know, fingers in many pies. They're expensive pies. But you can't hold...

And I'm meat pies. It's like, I'm your mum. Was in pampered chef? Like, it could just take off any moment. And then I bring you back money tenfold. Hang on. So take the money out of it. Who would be your first phone call, oh, for that?

Five grand. You? Yeah, fair. But they can't be in this room. Um, um, say the line bar. How much do you need by then? Make a 50.

What about the... Have you seen the town? Honest to God, a minute ago when we were talking films because I watched the town on the plane, fucking adore that film. Top 130? I'd say top 350. Ben Affleck is so good in that.

And who's your guy that's in The Avengers? The Irish guy, he's Irish. What's his name? Famous. He's Hawkeyes. Oh, Jeremy Renner. Yeah, Jeremy Renner. That beautiful scene where he goes in and he goes,

I need your help with something. We're going to hurt some people and you can't ask me anything about it. He literally goes and then and shoot someone for them. So I don't think they killed someone though, does it? Shoot him in the leg. Yeah. What, who's your guy then?

What? Because I think that's another, like, I need you to help me with something. Chad. Is it to hurt someone? No, maybe, because we're not the kind of people that would hurt someone. But it's like a hide-a-dead-dead body situation. So we've already heard them. Maybe I've just been a passenger with Harry and he's, you know,

the inevitable's happened and someone's dead. on the roads. And I have to get rid of the body because we can't. I think any of you. Because we're all intrinsically tired now. We've all got each other's. Oh, no, lads, don't call me.

I'm bathing the kids. May, if I'm not climbing up, Kilii, I'm not hiding bodies for you. I'm not your man. It's not hiding a body, but it's... I'll be like, listen, can you just have five grand? I'll find it.

Providing an alibi. Yeah, grand larceny. I've done it. I need an alibi. Can you provide me with one? Yeah, I think that's another gauge of like how much of a boy someone is. Like if you rank your mate Josh, I reckon he'd go. Yeah, cool.

We're doing it. Yeah, he's a bit more cautious than maybe you're giving him credit for Josh. A family now, hasn't he? So he's probably, yeah, things change. Yeah, my mate Matt's a barrister for the Navy, so I don't think he'd be that good at it. No, he'd be great at it. I don't think he'd get involved.

Things are going on. It's really well for that. that he knows how to dump stuff in the sea. Yeah, he knows the part of the sea where crimes don't exist. He probably knows where Ben Laden lives now. Yeah. Yeah. He's always under the sea with SpongeBob. I had the conversation with Ellie last night.

If you'd murdered someone, would you tell Laura? I have this conversation with Seneca. Yeah. Because I said that I wouldn't. Wouldn't you? But out of like him. You wouldn't tell Laura? Like I wouldn't.

Hello, Laura. What do you want? No, I don't need Dan. This is just between. you and me, babe. I have killed someone. Don't tell anyone. I'd tell Seneca, yeah.

She said she wouldn't leave me. What's the point? He'd implicate them? No. Yeah, she'd be able to support me. I'd be weird. Also, I would back my ability to keep a secret and lie

over me, Mrs. She loves her gossip. She couldn't do that, though. You, Adam's killed. Yeah. I'm a lot of Adams. He's killed someone. Where is she?

She's tweeting. I'd have them as well She's doing it An Instagram, sorry Hello everyone Are Adam Did she call you R Adam? I don't think so

If I killed someone I'd be like Listen I was on the way home there Laura would know so quickly I'd get home and she'd be like Something's wrong I'd be like Is it premeditated

Or of like He was a man in the road So he had to die No Walk in pedestrian crossings for a reason Is it accidentally? then, oh. It's a crime of passion.

You bummed him to that. So it's not like, I've bummed him to that. Like, I bummed the fellas. Laura, you're going to be annoyed on two levels. I've cheated on you. It's ended badly. Now, you get home and someone, like, hurting someone you love and you're like,

fuck on and you're just like, absolutely round. That was kicked her head off. Not all crime of passions are to do with bumming, are they? Hang on. You're hurting someone you love? So you got home and, like, someone like gone to Adam's head. They were like, I'm going to blow his head off. So I have to, so I have to,

So I have to fuck him to death. Adam, what are you doing here? Oh my God, someone's got a gun to your head. Get me dick out. Luckily, I can't get hard for these situations. I have to bum him to death. No, like, okay, you're coming to the studio and someone's sticking it up.

Adam. Someone's got infinity and they're like, I want to kill him. I want to kill him. Unless you kill me. I'll give you five shots. And you lose your mind, then you just fucking run to him like a train him.

Just start punching it. All of this is rubbing. All of it. Anyway, if Finn survives this, then that guy is really got to do better in his hostage situation. He's got a gun to Finn's head and he lets me charge it in, disarm me.

Oh, you do one of these? Oh my God, I didn't realize you'd run at me like a train. Put your dick away, sir. And you, you put one of them where you keep punching him, like, stop punching him, but you won't. Head caves in. Yeah, and then you throw him off the balcony and no one ever sees him again.

If no one on the ground floor. L-1 would find the body within 25 minutes. Who'd you go on and go? Listen, Lord, I've killed someone. I think I'd speak to Finn first. What just happened? We've got to keep... Let's make it nice and simple.

It's a hit and run. Okay? You're sober. You're on the way home. You ain't even speeding. Yeah, you weren't speeding. You were doing... You were on your phone.

No, that's illegal. No, that's illegal. It's completely not your fault. So you're on the way home. You've been to... Tens or two. Yeah. Tesco to get some local snacks for the children.

So you're a dead body. Right. and you drive it home and some drunk smackhead like jumps in front of the car I feel bad for this guy he's drinking and he's a smackhead yeah

and he just goes over your roof and you stop and you're like and you're like and you're trying behind you he's just on he's just on the floor there's no one around it's 3 a.m. right

I don't know why the kids are hungry but you know what I mean I've woken up for snacks because I've told them about goats being slaughtered Oh, Dad. Go pepperami. You go over, you check the pulse of the drunk smacker. You're touching them.

By the way, this drunk smacker has got the highest chance of bouncing off this car. I reckon if you're on smack, he's dead. He's dead. He's dead. You get home. You know, you know, you know. There's no cameras. Country road.

No one's seen it. Take me home. You get home. Do you tell Laura? Do you tell the kids? Dead, we've got me, pepper aramis. And he kills them. on.

Everyone. Midnight pepper rimes in here. That's a bum. And Laura, when they finish the pepper armies are gone to bed, I've got a bit of a story for you. You'll need a shovel

and a bin liner. I know you'll come back to the body. I'm just telling her. The body's there. All right. We're not getting rid of the body together. No, you're just lazy. Are you telling that,

or are you just going to hope you get away with her? I would tell her. I'm going to vote. Would tell her? And what would she do, though? Would she go you've got to turn yourself? I think she's fucking

Councillor State, Nottingham, hard, mate. I think she'd just be like, right, do you worry about it. We go fucking dark side. But that smack head turned on to be her long-lost brother. Wow. What are the chances of that? Is he trying to find her?

Her long-lost brother was in Sogle at 3 a.m. He travelled from Belize and he was nearly there. For Belize? He was nearly there and you ran him over. What a life this guy's had. Started out in a council estate in Nottingham. They'd end up in Belize. got so close to finding his long-lost sister

but the drink and the smack just drew him in oh that Sogill Countryside 3am smack he was trying to wave down down yeah he was like take me to Lawless I think you're married to my sister but fucking hell oh the smack's not helping

I tell I definitely wouldn't tell I know I wouldn't tell because I've got a secret for many years ago that none of you know oh no it's not nobody But it was a crime. I don't know if that was the right drop, but... Did someone get heard?

No. Oh. Well, not physically. Wasn't larceny? No. What's larceny? Like robbing her company. Oh, it's like white collar theft.

Yeah. Oh, right, right, right. Yeah. Would you do jail time for it? No. No? You die with the liamies? Or the truth.

Who's lying? That's for you to say. Jesus, guys. Your confessions are confusing as fucking. I've done something. Not going to say what it is. I want to do jail time? No, do I feel bad?

No. Did it happen? Not definitely. But I am not going to elaborate. Don't push me any further. I'll give you three clues. Adam tells nothing to the police. Die with the lie.

Told us anything? Would you tell Syrika? Yeah. I don't know if she's a great tell. She'd be fucking great. I think she'd probably. sing a confession or something. She's a very big character.

She's a talker. Yeah, no, but I think Marado die, baby. I think of at all, if at all, she'd be like, cool, let's forget about her. Get about it. To be honest, this is boring.

Shut up. Put the weakest link on. Open those crisps. What's this, what have you done? Where was it? Can we work it out? You'll never know.

Was it in this country? Sort of. On a plane? No. Sort of in this country. Whales. Yes. Oh.

Oh. We're getting there. So you commit to the crime in Wales? Does it involve a woman? Nope. Does it evolve a man? Me? Does it involve an animal?

A sheep? No. Weapons? There was no one harmed. It was just a crime. Was there a creature harmed? Was it speeding? Were you speeding in Wales?

If that's what we're counting, then there's millions of them. you'll never know I'm not telling you shall we do another advice along the same lines I feel like we've inadvertently link this in

this is from anonymous hey keep me anonymous I'm getting married in the next few months I have a little bit of a past if you know what I mean I feel like since I'm getting married I should be open and honest

and tell her everything only problem is she is a jealous type and it would be an issue for a while also she would make me get rid of my hot tub if she found out what I've done in it. So should I tell her everything and be in the doghouse for a while

and lose all arguments forever? Or should I just stay quiet and hope she never finds out? What did he do in the hot tub? I think he's had sex with ladies. In the hot tub. And the bed then? That is in his house.

Then you can't get rid of your dick. They haven't? No, I'm saying like, where do you draw the line? Not at your dick. I love you so much, babe. I can't believe I had sex with seven women before you. I'm cutting enough. I'm a unique for you, darling.

It's new water, isn't it? It's not the same water. Same hot tub, though. Oh, you change the water. What about a bed? You're using logic here and women don't do that. What about beds? If you've got a new woman,

I know you don't sleep with in the same bed. You've got to get a new mattress. Yeah, you have. It's just that it's a cost of the transfer, you know? Yeah, that's why I stayed with Laura, really, because a good mattress costs. a lot, you know what I mean. I do like her as well, but I'm not

changing mattresses all the time. Just get a sheet. So he's just fuck people in his hot tub and he's called that a past. It's not definite. It's not definitely. He could have murdered the goat. I think what he's implying is that he's done a lot of shagging. And now he's getting married and he's like,

I just feel like I want to tell her my history. Does you want to tell if a hair or him? It depends what the reason is. Yeah. If he wants to get it off his mind, then making himself feel better. No, that's fucking selfish, isn't it? I just don't understand what the point of this is.

She hasn't asked, you're going to go just before we get married, I've fucked loads of people, just so you know. They're getting married and they've not had that chat either. If they haven't had that chat, it's normally women who bring this up, isn't it? Yeah. Oh, I think there's a lot of jealous guys that will want to want some body,

a body count on their new partner. I think these jealous types who are really controlling and, like, even want to get, like, jealous about the past, I think there's loads of blokes that are like this. I don't think it helps anybody ever. No one's ever gone, thank God, she's fuck 15 fellas. I'd rather know that now.

15's fine. What's the number where you get a little bit? God damn. Like Bonnie Blue numbers. No, that was like four digits. No, I would be upset. Two and a half thousand, I think that would make me. I'm pretty chilled out, but I'd go, I've got some questions into it.

I've only watched a thousand films. What's the level of past where it becomes like a, duty to tell you your missus. Like if you're about to get married and you're like, I was in the clan. Like, that seems like you should come out and say that, do I mean? Yeah. Because if that comes out down the line, it's like, what are all these robes for? Yeah, me and several clan members have shared that hot tub.

So, uh, that's that what the clan do? A little bit of white supremacy and then a hot tub. Oh, well, there's a lot of white supremacy, but surely they're like hot tubs and massages and stuff as well. No much mad that season one, mate. You've got to learn with the KKK. we spoke to the former Grand Dragon Master. I'm talking about the clan.

Whole section, we've got hot tub as well. I should have told Laura I joined the Labour Party before we met. She never asked though. I think it matters. I mean, if you're grown up enough to... It starts here. You passed, you're past, unless...

I don't know about that. If you'd been to prison... No, no, I'm talking about sex. Do you know I think your missus needs to know? I'm talking about sixth. In case you bump into someone in the street. And they stick you up. Big P.

And she's like, who's Big P are? My former drug smuggler, me. We spend time in Jug together. Yeah. And she goes, hang on, we've been married 16 years. I don't know what Big P. Yeah. And it was 18 years ago.

Me and Big P. We're in Jug. So what Jug is there? I'm guessing it's prison. Nice. Nice. Why it's it called Jug? Probably rhymes with something like Jug and Jail or something.

Jog and Jail? Jail under. Ground. You don't know. The males just call it jail. Google. If jail's in the acronym. Just call it.

Just called it. Just go with jug. I think it rounds with me like, Jung and jail. What? Excuse me, Watt. I think you are insane if you offer up a body count without it being asked for.

I think that is madness. Madness. How many kiyaks you've seen and how many purses you've talked. Do you know your number? Like right now. No. I'm no idea.

Also, I think it's gimpy to keep count. I mean, if it's on one hand, yeah, I mean, like, you keep written it down. 147. What's that tattoo in, why, then? The best stucca break. Wow, you're pretty good at snooker.

And I'm a slag. It's from Stone Jug, which is 18. century slang, a stone building, later just shortened to jug. Nice. I think the average person sleeps with eight people in their lifetime. I think that's the average body count. And one in three black men get thrown in prison in the United States.

Shit. In big jug. That impressive. Thanks for that's that. Don't tell your fucking misses your body count. Your hot tub-based body count unless she asks. And then if she does, drop it. You just fucking do some man-mathes.

It's three, isn't it? The rule of three. Yeah, divided by four, then divided by two, and then shut the fuck up. The long overdue, debut of... fucking big Tom Davis. Thank you. Thank you.

Very excited to be here. I can tell me, you've got a new jacket on. How do you know? Yeah. Well, I thought I've watched this. I thought, what do I need to wear a blend in with the boys? So if you just lift your right arm up like this, you've got a tag on.

Oh. I literally bought this. Do you know, I've actually worn this with friends last night who didn't mention that. Tom, I noticed that I'm shit my underpans because I was like, I'm not telling him. He knows me with him. Also, he's been relishing that, by the way.

He knows that. He knows that. He went out of him. He's like a fucking eagle. He's on it straight away. And he's like, that'll be opening gamut. Let's see how his helmet deals with this. It's just clothes.

What? You don't want anyone to know your clothes are new? Yeah, no. These old things. I think that's a worst thing that you live in life that I've been out of people I know and I'm very like animated

I'm like an Italian when I'm out in company I'm very much like this just doing. People are looking at the fucking tag just going on it. Why is that embarrassing now? No, it's not is it? It shouldn't be.

But it is. Everyone's like, these aren't new. I've had these for many years. I haven't even want to wear this. I thought it's like a fashion thing like leaving the tag on Because some caps you leave the... I mean, I don't.

I don't see... But the stickers stay on, don't they? Who does that, though? The rude boys... I think it's people who don't know about caps. No, I think some people who really know about caps are like, keep them stickers on. Who doesn't know about caps?

As in what do they exist? No, they don't know how to cap, you know? There's so much to be put an emphasis on like when you're wearing something like that. Like, they're sort of... I went for a phase of keeping, you know, like the hieroglyphic sort of one. That's the thing, yeah. And some people, but then I started taking it off because it looks ridiculous. Yeah.

Apparently you're going to keep it on. Oh, you've got your age out. So, I don't know whether the design of caps changed or my head changed, but there was a period in time where every single ass that I put on my head just made me look really fucking stupid. Carl at one point had a folder on his phone. So I got it. Called Adam Rowanats. Still fully got it.

We'd go shopping. That should be published. We'd go shopping. shopping. And everywhere we've seen like Caps, I'd try one on and they all just made me look fucking mental. A bit low for you red though, in it? What? You've got a bit of a loaf head. I mean, this is your words.

Yeah, yeah. Absolutely. But like it was like they were all too thin or whatever. They just didn't work. At some point things changed. Yeah, they look good at that. It's just confidence. Finn hates himself in class. No, it's not just confidence, is it? We can show some of those pictures. Yeah, Finn looks like he's going to Disney on one last time,

don't he? Like, it just doesn't work? It doesn't help that you pull that face for them. I had a weird thing where I lost a bit of timber. And my hats, basically, I was obsessed with having fitted new era hats, yeah? Yeah. You got your size. Yeah, I got my size. And I love caps.

As a bald man, it's sort of the accessory I need. Preach. And I've lost a roll of fat that used to go around the back of my head. So they're all too big for me. And now they wobble around on my head. Tom, they're adjustable? No, they're not. They're made to fit.

They're made to fit. Oh. Yeah. Then, then, then. So all of one are now, redundant. They're too big. I think I'm... Oh, you're back?

I don't know when I asked us back. That's not that bad. That's not that bad. That's one sticker away from being cool. That's all right. No, it looks way more train conductor on his head than yours. Yeah, you wear a hat very well. Seven and five, eights.

Is that what you're at? Yeah, but I know what you mean about losing the timber. They get a little looser. Yeah. Yeah. I think I'm a full eight in caps. Yeah, I'm a size eight. Like, I go into the,

there's a new era store on Carnaby Street in London. Yeah. So whenever I'm in London, I sort of stay very central because that's where most of the comedy clubs are. Yeah, yeah. And I'll often pop into the new era

and I'll find it at a lake and I'll go to the till and be like, have you got this in at eight? And fucking Henry, mate. They just look at you like, we don't do hats for you or that means. Like, occasionally they're like one hat in stock that's in a size eight.

You've got going to do that. What hatch have you got? in an age. You've got the old shit that they're putting out. Let me go in the freak section. I have that with clothes. When I go to, if I want to get a bit of clobber and I have to go somewhere,

everything's so fucking, everything's like this Italian. If you want to say nice, like a bit of Stone Island, I go in and I'm like, I'll just try this jacket on in a double XL and it comes up so tight. And they're like, we only go out to a trip.

You'd be like a 5XL. It's literally. How tall are you? Six, seven. Don't do you fucking dare. Oh no. Yeah, that's by the way you fucked me now,

that's stupid fucking crazy. By the way, someone added me on Twitter yesterday or X, whatever it is now. And there's like a, there's this guy he's outside of school,

you know, and he's shouting six, seven, and he's got, you know, genuinely, probably what is, quite paedophilic tendencies.

And he looks like me. And he's just guys going, shit day for Big Tom D. And I'm like, that isn't me. This fucking creep is out going, six seven, six,

over a fucking school. So every time you know, say your height, someone does... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that must be... Just start saying six foot, seven inches. Yeah, I'd have to do that. If I wanted to sort of bring out a clothesline called six, oh, it's down there.

Where did that even start, by the way? Because if it goes to, like, 6'1, then I'm fucked as well, you know? Yeah. If it starts climbing down. 6.4. 6.7 is big, though. You can see the top of the fridge. Yeah, yeah.

That was a height of the show I wanted to get that little bit taller. When I was at 6-5, Like when there's crisps left over, I don't know what flavour they are. Yeah, yeah, I'm there for you. Yeah, house parties of an absolute dream. First thing they go, I go in, kitchen. What are you got on the top of the fridge there? I would imagine before, because you have lost timber.

Yeah. From when we first met on the streets of Edinburgh, yeah. Streets of Edinburgh. Yeah. We met in 2017 on the street because Tom had come to my show. Nice. And it was like, you've got to get writing, man.

You've got to write a sitcom and, you know. Ten years later. We're still thinking about it. I need a sitcom now I don't know. Eight months writing. I have stars of writing one about living with when I lived with Jack and our other mate

Keeling, I've started writing one about three lads who... It was a fucking incredible show that. That was like genuinely like, not my head. It's one of my favourite shows. Not like it, we filled that room for the month which was 50 seats. It was the room you ended up doing the year after. The mash houses sniffed the room.

Something like that. Yeah, yeah. No. No question. why you were in there me. Cocaine. On the shot. But you've lost a bit, you've lost...

Yeah, I was taking two seats off at that time. But like six, seven, six foot seven inches and being, you know, a garthy man. That must have been wild for buying clothes, that. Yeah, it was wild for a lot of things. Yeah, more BMI. But buying, yeah, for clubber, it was fucking insane. Also, there's big and tall, isn't there?

But it's just no one wants to go in there. Even the big men don't want to go in there. It's like an ick. I don't go out of your wife. Just go on this special shot for big chaps. Unless she used Bigg and tall as well. You know that when you're walking to a shot, the only other person in there is Big John.

I love Big John. Jackamo basically tried to rebrand that whole deal, didn't they? I go, we'll not call it Big and Tall. We'll call it Jackamo. And then everyone was like, yeah, still a bit of an ink. That was, it is a thing. It just became a new word for it. Jackamo became stigmatised.

To the point where then Jackamo tried to go, ah, we also sell clothes for normal people now. Yeah. And everyone was like, no, you don't. Normal people. No normal people are going in there, mate. Okay? It's just you and Freddie Fletto.

Have Jackamo got physical stores? Yeah. Yeah, they had a, I think they had an arm, didn't have something like Topshop. Oh, right. They were in Liftpool on for a bit. We're pulling bearers now. Oh, right.

Yeah, they killed Topshop. Sat on them. By the way, I've got a global conspiracy to blow off here, by the way. Foot Locker, mate. We had this conspiracy yesterday. So Foot Locker has just talked

maybe the most prominent unit in all of Liverpool, the old Topman, the old vintage shop thing. Like, it's right there, it's in... Prime position. Right in the middle of Liverpool. The biggest storefront you can get.

Yeah. It's fucking... Footloff. has been in Liverpool about seven times. Every single time, it's shut because it's not busy enough. They had one down by the big and a little one. That got fucked off. They were on the corner.

It is now in Liverpool One. They had a huge store. They were like, this will be the fucking thing that makes it. That failed. And now they've got an even bigger unit. I think Foot Locker are using those referee kits to smuggle a bit of money, mate. What, you're money laundering? I think so.

Wow. It's got to be. Oh, yeah, we sell loads of shoes. So your conspiracy is a famous. high street shop has opened a high street shop and you instantly think it's international money. I'd just say it's a really shit businessman who's keep,

fuck it. Yeah. Yeah. If you're, if you're I think he's all being hoodwinked by Bigfoot. Locker. In the UK, it's like, you think it's a Yeti behind me. In the US, it's huge, you know? It's, it's huge. Like, there's one in Times Square. That's busy as fuck. What, Footlooker? Yeah. But I don't, but I don't ever go. I've got to say I'm a JD guy.

If I'm, yeah, yeah, but I think everyone's just, JD guy if they go into that sort of thing. Tom, you're going to enjoy the Liverpool JD. It is the mecca of JD's. Yeah, I sometimes. That is a big, I don't know, like, scousers might be like, oh, all JDs are like that. That is a...

It's a beautiful JD. That's a... That's a beautiful JD. That's a DJs in it? Which is JD backwards. It is... It is like the mechered... I've watched a lot of these. And I've always thought you're the most intelligent person in that way. It's so quick.

All JDs are like mecca, really, because you have to take his shoes off. So try the new ones on. Yeah. Hang on. I got a little Seinfeld, Seinfeld. I love a joke.

A more Jewish one. Liverpool J.D. is by far the best J.D. there is, I think. Liverpool shopping's great. I remember when I... I don't know about that, you know. It's getting better than it was in the last couple of years. I still like...

I like a Manchester door. London's the best, obviously, in the UK for shopping. But I do... I like Bath as well. Bath's a good shopping place. Yeah. Prefer for shower. What's the chicken gaff you've got here?

The, um... The Abyss. No, it's a type, but it's, like, it's from, it's, it's an Asian chicken place. What's it called? It's like,

fuck me. Jollybee? But what's... Jollybee, yeah. Yeah, yeah. When we, I was up here filming, so I lived up here for a good few months. And, uh,

I was, when I saw you had a jolly bee, I got so obsessed with the fact, like, oh my fucking, it's a jolly bee. I'm gonna eat, like, you know, so, I put so much stigma on it.

It was fucking disgusting. but I couldn't tell myself it was it was no better in a KFC but I must have gone back at least three or four times a week just to fucking keep eating in this place because I thought maybe I'm just getting something wrong they did like a sweet sort of noodle dish It's not like I don't think I've ever been in I've eaten where I've eaten where I've seen.

I think you need more scouse direction for when you're next up filming here because I don't know a single scouse and who's like are we going to Jollaby lads me come and Jolaby for your baby ladd lad. He'll be walking fast as a sad big geez as he said Johnny B on his own Am I scouts? Am I one of you?

What were you filming in Liverpool? We filmed a thing called The Curse. It's for Channel 4. So we're up here for, yeah, a good few months, living near Edge Lane. And loved it. I was saying to Dan before we started. My introduction was I had to shave off my beard

while we were filming here. And the first day I was sort of come out of the flat and I was sort of having a bop about. And this guy went, a lot of a comedian, aren't you? And I went, yeah, yeah. And he went there. shaved your beard off.

And I went, yeah, he went, you're a fucking ugly com without it. I was like, I'm going to Liverpool. I loved it. I've got to say, I've been fortunate to film in some places, but it's by far, because it was like my company making a show as well. So it was by far the best place to have any different,

you know, if you're doing a cityscape, if you're going out and, you know, seafront, whatever, it was just Liverpool's great, but the people were just fucking amazing. I was doing training up here for a thing with a guy called Jed Starkey. You got a thing called the Inclusive Hub.

if you know it's amazing the work they do is a charity I was training with him and it was yeah I loved it man not training it's been boxing just stuff like that that's losing the timber my big thing was just like just doing a bit of I tried other stuff I tried like my tie and I had an awful one with my tie um it's a cocktail in it yeah I tried my tires I was just a hamlet all the time I was in jolobie after fucking five my tires me

lost no weight whatsoever I went and did it when I had uh I thought I need to get me like strength up before I went in. I thought I had it and had a big breakfast. I was going into this class and I had like a five guys before. And I went into his class with his geezer. And he, he was like five foot four. And he, I mean, he literally walked in.

You have a thing, a stigma. There's a big guy you walk in. Straight away, he's seen me and going, I'm going to beat the fuck out of this guy in front of everyone. I'm going to fucking show this prick. And I'm sort of, I mean, I've known you for some time. I'm like a dopey kind of, hey man, how are you doing?

A stereotype of a big Wally. Oh, you know, man. And he's like, well, let's see what you've got. He just relished bit. But he beat me so bad and got me on the floor. I was sick in my mouth. As he was on the floor in some sort of hold. I was like trying to like, try to give myself some light.

I know how to handle myself. And I just had this sick hold in my mouth. I was like, if I let this out on him, what's he going to eat? Is that an illegal move? Can you do that in UFC? Can you throw up in someone's eyes? I mean, UFC is, I love UFC. It's fucking, yeah, I adore it.

It's my, and I know that. It's, how much did it come on? I went years ago to Wembley Arena. There was no security there. It was just people fighting each other. It was fucking just a big, like a big royal ruffle. It's called that though, in it? Yeah.

Not when you're me. You just get, get a geese, chopped up, just going, oh. Like your Moby Dick just sailing through the crowd going, him. Do you get that a bit in pubs? Yeah. Like people want to start and you just because you're so big because I've got a few tall friends.

I feel to say you then. That's what I went to. I hadn't beat the shit out of people. Walk around with me in a headlock for an hour. I know a lot of tall people have that problem. They're just minding their own business, having a few pints and some pork scratchings and then people are just trying to punch the head in for no reason.

Sure you can handle yourself, though. Like just naturally. Yeah, I mean, I can push people. I wouldn't, I'd say, though, actually, though, I don't think, I think there's enough, like, there's an alpha vibe and I don't give that off. I think people know.

I think so. I think if people pick, like, go, I'm going to have it with this game, and they know that you're not necessarily that way.

And I've always used it as humor and having a joke as a fucking... Yeah. But didn't you work as a bouncer, though? No. That's a mis-

I'm big, so someone's stuck that down on my... It's on my Wikipedia, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah, I know who's put that down. There's a low,

yeah. The bouncer, but I look like I might have. And I'll just let everyone in. Just the gentle bounce. Yeah. That sounds like a book I'd read my daughter. Julian Donaldson.

No, that's all right. Don't worry about it. Have a lovely note. Cuddling all the fucking bad fellas to death. Puking. Yeah, that's the creepy bouncer. We've all seen him. Bugger revolutions were it closed.

I tell you what I'm quite happy with as a scouser is, I think recently, Liverpool has been start, the attitude towards Liverpool from sort of TV and media in general has just changed quite a bit. I think the city as ours was the best example of it showed Liverpool as like this gorgeous place, which is what it is. Like shot like the real beauty of the city rather than, I think like 15, 20 years ago, the stereotypes are down the city. Everything that was ever shot here made Liverpool look like a shit hole and dead rough.

And the people they would put on the telly from Liverpool were all the rough and worst people. Like they do like Ross Kempong gangs. And it was like, this is what every bit of Liverpool is like. If you're striving to find a helmet, you've just named one. About me. Do you not like him? No. Oh, you're a beef of Kemp?

No, I haven't got beef with him. I just find him a... I just can't have the Geiser. I just, I'm not having him. I just, I just find him, like, I'm sure he's a nice guy. This is just Cochney on Cochney crime, is he? He is not a cockney.

Is he not? He's ruined football tournaments for me. As soon as I say, he's a rugby thrower. As soon as we're getting a knockout stage of a tournament, you just know he's just going to pop his head, go, come on boys, come on, vanes popping out. We've been on the... I'm not going to say it, but...

No, I'm not having him. He's a posh guy trying to beat Grant Mitchell. He's like, really, he's getting found out as he walks around. Look, he's probably a nice man. But I'm not, I'm not having a drop of him. Kemp's getting in. Headshot of Ross Kemp. He's a gentle, cuddly guy until Ross Kent.

You're not a lot. There's a very few things in the world that wind me up. He's one of them. Wow. Rossi? What about Phil Mitchell? Steve? Yeah, he seems all right.

Yeah. He seems all right. Sooner if I was going to, yeah, if I was going to have a hide-in off either of them, I'd take Ross. Oh, yeah. I just, I think there's something that I just find it. I have a, you're talking about Liverpool, right? And I have where I come from. I have a thing that frustrates me is when you get someone trying to do that accent.

Yeah, yeah. And they're not from that world. Yeah. And when I'm watching like a Londoner or an East Ender or whatever talk and, you know, it's a posh boy. And you can, you can tell straight away. You know, if they're not doing any, you know, they're not authentic. I just, I've always had a bit of a chip on my shoulder about that. It's absolutely, like, Val.

He's from Essex. Yeah, but he's, barking. I've dug myself a whole, but bugged on. No, you haven't dug anything. Like, I absolutely agree. When you see, like, there's so much scouse talent. When I see someone doing the accent, I don't mind, like, someone being great at it,

getting a job, like, the whole idea that, like, you know, every single Scouse role or Cochney Row, or, you know, brummy role has to go to a Scouser of Cochney or a Brummey, respectively. I don't agree with that. I don't think every single Scouse role on the telly has to be played by an actual scouser. But if you're not going to do that,

I think they have to be excellent at it. Like, no one in Liverpool was annoyed when Martin Freeman was in the respondent. Because everyone was like, fucking hell. Like, that's a proper, proper scouse accent. Also, I find, like, my thing is, it's like, play that part, but know what you are.

Like he's lived off that role and like the whole thing about the gangs I was like like, like you say it was just felt like like yeah, what is this? Yeah, it should have been Grant Mitchell on gangs

in character. Even if you watch that though he'd be like I'm here and I'm in it's essentially like yeah he's like Attenborough he's just like he's fucking now

now we see the crocky crew wheeling their motorbikes and the by the way, he's at James Nelson Joyce. Yeah. He's, he was,

I did a thousand blows with that guy. Yeah. And that, like, those two, by the way, Stephen Graham and James Nelson Joyce, both on a thousand blows,

both doing cockney accents. Incredible. Like, genuinely, you know, both scarses. Was Nelson Joyce doing a cockney accent? Yeah.

And he's good at it. Yeah. He's fucking amazing. Yeah. He's fucking incredible in that, man. He's like, and,

but you've got not, I'm not, and also they're from, that, that was probably the most, working class set I've ever been on everyone like Stephen was you know sort of across all that and Hannah his wife but that is a as a show but like man they were like you listen to them and they were so on it Martin Compton when he did line of duty was like that blows my mind as

you know he came and live live with me when so I was just getting into stand up before knew you about that sort of time yeah coming off the sites and I'm Martin Combson I knew a friend and my power was like look um well got this guy he's coming down from scot and he's got a D.S. Arnotton, it's Scottish, isn't? Yeah, he's got a big audition. So he just wants to come and try and pick up sort of the lingo. And he came and lived on my sofa and like, we'd just,

yeah, I mean, we'd go out and get on it and have a... So you're the inspiration for Diasana. Tom, would he do the accent on the night out to practice? That's... We went to see... We went to see I think it was a Kings of Leon at High Park and he spoke in that accent. And then

we went back and we were having drinks of mine and he was still... And our power of mine from the way who were like yeah they just all thought he was we went into a i remember going to a really rough boozer in burmansley one night and he just stayed in character and everyone was everyone just he stayed with that accent he's an incredible thing to see i'd have melted you know what i think's helped him really yeah is he hasn't tried to do like a cockney cartoon he's tried to do like this could be a quirky little guy's voice this Do you know what I mean?

Because he's like B.T. R not, I'm not, he's not... That's the character as well. That was good. If you've ever met Martin, he's as like, that's almost better than the accent. Martin's the biggest character

I've ever been in a room with. He's in, like, to get on the beers and go out of Martin is like... That's good DSR. He's one of the... You know, if you're in a situation, you're like, you've got one big night out left and that's it for the rest of your life.

Martin would be, bum, get him in. Oh, that is such a great... game to play. Who's your pick? Comston. Who's your three picks for the last night? Yeah.

Maradonna. Maradonna. Yeah, mate. If you're going out, yeah. Martin Comston, Maldon. But he,

but for the character, he can just like shrink it all down. Yeah, but then that's what I mean. There's an actor you watching him. And the character's quite a meek guy. That's where I'm like, fuck,

he's complete. Because I thought he was like, when I heard he was doing a cop show, he was like, you know, that he's played it that way. He's an amazing. I think one of the, one of the best actors we've got.

I think he's amazing. Alongside, like, I mean, Stephen's just a level, right? Yeah. Is that exciting? It's a border empire. And everything. He is.

He's very, very convincing, isn't he? Well, the first time I seen James Nelson Joyce on tell he was in time. Yeah. With Sean Bourne. And she being. Who's better? Is it, Danis? Is it Danis?

I think it is, Danny. Danny McLaughen has a bit about he can either be called Sean Bono, or seen Bean, but he can't be... Sean Bean. He'll have to cut that, but the first time I seen James

Elson Joyce was in time with Sean Beam. And I remember, like, watching it and being like, that's the first time I've seen... Oh, you just pick yourself up like you're a presenter on the one show, that's like, that was quite an incredible thing to say.

Clean comes? Completely ruin now. It's going to have to stay in now. Real scouses. And who's the other lad? He's in, um, he's in,

like, adulthood and stuff and, uh, black hair. He's in, he's the brother in city's ours. Oh, I know,

you mean. Again, just like, oh, he's just, from, by ours. Yeah.

He's just a scouse lad. He was fucking... James Nelson Joyce reminds me of a lad who went to our school in time. And I won't say it because I think he's actually in prison.

Okay. In fact, I know he is. Because he went to school because one of our mates knows he is. Oh, right, okay. You know what I mean? He reminded me of him, both physically and just the way he speaks to Sean Bean and that

with just this real authentic Scouts attitude of fuck off. Yeah. I'm using the phone, like, you know, the scene. Yeah. Like, it's so good. It's so, I remember watching it being like, geez, this is actually what a real Scouse cunt sounds like. Like the bell ends that I went to school with who were genuinely violent people.

That's how they spoke to teachers. Yeah. Watching real Scouts is. I love, that's why I love the city's house. He's not a scouse. He's not. But he doesn't soften it. He's like, yeah, this is how.

When you're auditioning, do you have to list what accents you can do? Because talking about people who can't do, Sean Bean. Of course you do. No, but Sean Bean has had an amazing, like, career. He can't do any. Like, oh, by the way, your character's Jamaican. Anyway, I would love Sean Bain doing a Jamaican. Peter Rondry just did that one.

Yeah. That was insane. He Rondry played a Jamaican, like, policeman in a, film it's a dodgy film What film's this? You're not saying it's serious He's like an undercover cop Who goes undercover and he has to play

Like a Jamaican guy Who passed who roles and cast this film I think that was I think it was an offer I think that's Guanyal Keithy price mate I'm It's

It's The fucking head of a Jordan It's Jamaican The film's called Jafakin Have you not seen the trailer for this? Have you not seen the trailer for this? It's called Jamaica. Yeah.

Vida, like it's like it's, yeah. I had to do Sunday brunch with him and I'm like, I can't mention this. Was he promoting that? No, no. Oh, right, okay. He's very quietly sent away from his... Oh, if he did Sunday brunch in a Jamaican accent.

Whoa! It was, yeah, man. Show them what he looks like in the film. Oh, no. This will be on screen. It looks like Tommy Robinson. I want to watch. I can't believe you don't know about this.

So much. It's fucking crazy. Yeah, we need to see this as a great. Can I say? I'd love to see you not do a watch along. Fuck the Super Bowl. Wow.

That's the one. Can you do any other accents? Like convincing? I'm not going to mug myself by doing them now. I've had to go in and do them in audition. and fucked it, yeah. It's very, yeah. What can you claim that you can do?

We're not going to judge you. Your Scouse was not too bad. Scouse is so hard to do. It's impossible. Like what you say, by the way, you can get away with doing a stereotype version of a Scouse accent, but then when you spend time with people,

you realize, quite out. Do you know the problem with the Scouse accent is when people try and do it? They might be able to get away with it for half an hour. Yeah. And there'll be one word or one inflection on a word. It's the inglorious bastard. It's the wrong three.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get that one inflection wrong and the city will never forgive you. Yeah, but literally, though, everyone just goes, oh, you fucked it. So when you do stand up, you just do a bit, tiny bits, right? If you're just going to lean into saying, you don't go for that whole, like, oh yeah, yeah, I'm going to do a whole fucking monologue. You can just do a few. Yeah, it's hard.

Yeah. What would your accents be listening if you're, if you're, if you're... Surely Jordie. Your Jordy's good. My Jordy's all right, not bad. That's good. I can do a, well, I live there, so that's fucking cheating. I think that's more gate said, you know.

Oh, right. Well. That's me not getting the fucking pot. I can no troubling men as well. You, that shark can fly. We love you, Dan. Daniel, Daniel, Daniel, Dan. Is that a little bit Northumbria?

I'm hearing Peter Lee, and what I'm after is biker. Adam can do Gardean quiz a crazy one. Which is biker. I've got better at me, Jorthy. If I'm doing Jordi. I have to just try and do Cheryl Cole. I went in for quite a big film last year, I took a year last year,

80 months ago and the lead part of the Jordan, the part of the Jordy accent. And, oh man, it was fucking brutal. I said, can't I just do this in my voice? And they were like, no, I was to try and do a Jordan accent. And it's quite, so the film is, it was 28 years later. And the part is,

Father went to Adam, Aaron Taylor Johnson. So they're looking at going, oh, we're this big gimp horror. What are we going to go for? Sexy, moody or doofus. Let's just get both extremes in the room. You went for the lead in 20 years later. I went in for an audition.

That's sick. And they were like, you know, it's in a jolly accent. And they told me, and I tried to prep for it. And it was, honestly, like, stand-ups by far the hardest. right, acting great auditions. When you get like six words into an audition and you can see the casting director and director and everyone else has lost the will to live

and they're just looking at what she's going. You can tell you're dying straight away, even though they're not responding and they wouldn't respond if you were doing well, but you can see it. I'd have to say something there, you know, I'd have to be like, I use all fucking bored because I'll just get on.

It's not bought as well. And you're bored of a Jamaican. But when you're doing the bit, it's quite deep and quite like that part, You're talking about, like, you know, death or whatever, and it's actually drama. And they're looking and you sort of see someone go, oh, no.

I'd be like, what's funny, like? And then they've gone, your fucking accent, it's bag off. Yeah, but I'll be like, fine, well, then just tell me to fuck off. Let's not waste another half an hour. I think they want, I mean, I think they'll always let you finish, so to speak.

Yeah, but I don't want to finish. If you know, it's like a driving test, then it's, you know, I've failed. Let's go back to fucking test center. We've all done gigs where you go out on stage and you're like, oh no. like you know you can bring it back or whatever but this feels like it's going to be tough work but you finish your 10 like when you start may i've been in the 18th minute of a 20 minute set

going i can win them over and guess what you fucking got the 32nd minute of a fucking 20 minute set just trying to kick i had them no i've lost them i haven't done a gig since the 9th of january and i'm giging tonight in congleton and i think that might be a little uh about a close and 30 to do that oh wednesday rob riley I love it. That's a nice gig. Yeah. Yeah, it's nice.

Have you missed it? Yeah, I do want to get back to it. I wanted to do a gig Sunday this week, but you've got to bath the kids or something, haven't you? So you gig a lot together? That's your thing. No, we try and avoid it, really. We don't gig together a lot, but it's cool when we do.

We did murderers row at the start of the year, and that was one of the best things I've ever done in stand-up. That was fucking great. I opened one section, then we got two mates on, Adam opened the other. It was fucking brilliant. Basically, I didn't like to save the magic, but sniff the comparing, yeah.

Yeah. How often are you gigging? How, because you've got so many commitments with TV. A lot, a lot more. I love it. If I'm, I took a while off and I just was like, I got really shit advice and just, I sort of lost, it was always the thing that I started on, started out doing,

and I loved the most. And then just, I had, there was that time when I was sort of, stand up, you know, became more televised. And it became, and everyone wanted a certain thing. And I didn't really fit into what that was, I think. my voice wasn't you know the manager I at the time was very much like you need to be more this you need to push yourself into this direction and it just felt very fake and I think you can get away of most things being someone you're not you know acting obviously but I think with stand up you kind

of got to be yourself it's got to be honest it's got to be true I think it's the most true art form there is and I think that is so I took too long off but now yeah I like I do know what coming back gig in touring was great and going obviously tour again now but I love being back and mixed bills. I love being back in the green room with other comments. It's my favourite. Post-COVID, that was, I didn't realize how much I'd miss that. Because you go, oh, I miss gigging. Yeah. I really miss being in the green room. I find that's just watching I think the level now over here in this country is so fucking strong of like

different voices, different people, whether you like them or not. But I think there's so many different people out there doing different things and going to a bill and thinking, fuck that person's red-hot and someone you might have seen two, three year ago now that is absolutely fucking smash it and slaying it. You're like, this is, I find that like the inspiring thing. And I think if, you know, that's what coming back to it was like, let me just try and now up, constantly try and up your game, up your game. So when you're going out, I gig with Danny at you.

I did, we did this festival together where everyone was just off the fucking head. It was a good festival. It was like fucking Lincolnshire or somewhere. Lost Village. Lost Village. Yeah. And I'd been there two years before, partying. And this guy had vacant, taking a bag of pills and literally taking a bag of pills and went missing.

And we didn't think we'd find him. It was like, he went into the woods. And we were like, oh, shit was. Two years later, he was still there. We were far off. We were like, it was like the end of the hangover. We were like, we're going to have to make a phone call here. Like, this guy's got me.

So it was enjoyable, but a weird gig. But Danny was, and Danny, I've known for a bit. And he was like, I was watching people. And he was, and a great guy, but he was like, I didn't. quite understand how nervous and on edge you were. I still, that's the thing. Kind of like acting. I've been fortunate to be in stuff where I can go in

and my mindset is like very sort of like organisation, go in, calm and do it. Stand up and still feel like fucking all the anxiety is overpowering. I think the difference from my perspective is and not that I've got a huge amounts of acting experience is with acting and especially

when it's, I know you produce a lot of your own stuff as well. But like with acting, there's several people responsible for how good what you're making is. So the writer, so whoever's written the lines, they're partly responsible. Whoever is filming it, the videographer, they're partly responsible. Whoever is directing it, they're partly responsible. To a much higher extent, really, than even the actor.

The actor saying the words is partly responsible. The actor, they're talking to and responding both with words and with sort of visible cues is partly responsible. And then on top of that, the edit and everything, else it's all partly responsible whereas with stand-up there's one person responsible for everything and it's fucking you and with acting if it goes wrong you get a redo yeah yeah yeah yeah so that's the other layer of that it's a shared responsibility and you can go ah that that went wrong we'll have another go i i love the shambolity nature of stand it when it goes slightly wrong yeah and i love the bit of like

trying to recover from that like a fumble and you go okay and it sometimes it can lead to the best bit the night and that was the thing where it was getting pushed when i was like pushed that it was that time of super slick you know and you're like that isn't what i'm bringing to this like this is that isn't the energy i love it if something fucks up i love a microphone breaking or fucking you know getting a word wrong or an accident when you can fucking fly into another bit and that that that dramatically changes that that night and that that gig and takes you gives you cause for thought of going actually maybe that's a better routine or maybe you can add this and add that the beauty of stand-up is actually you don't get a we do but I think every time that something goes a little wrong you go oh shit that it improves you

ever so slightly yeah and that's the beauty of it it's like it's the the thing i i missed the most and actually i think having it's the one thing i think that can doesn't matter what audition you're doing or what set you're on where you go i think coming back to it after a break and then going like everything i go into coming here as a podcast doing any sort of live tv whatever you're doing if you're doing stand-up, you're at the very highest level of the capability of coming into somewhere, I can do this thing. I genuinely think if you can do that, you can do anything. I've, I've had that argument of actors. I think if you can actually do it, there's nothing quite like it. And I think it is, I think it's the hardest art form, but I also think it gives

you the minerals to go on and go, right, I can. It's get me fired up on a gig. Get me a fucking mic. Break down? Before we do, you're going on tour. Yeah. So let's give that a proper poll. Because we've just done a nice little love note to stand up. Big Tom's gone. Big old tour, that. It's back on, yeah. Big Tom Davis.com.

All the tickets are on there, all over the gaff. Go and see Big Tom Davies on tour. Go and see Adam at the depot. Let's have a break. What does your mum think of your muzzie fin? She thinks a little like her. She said you look like either one of either two things, which was a 70s porn star or a paedophile.

So sad at those two. You were a 70s porn star once at the peak of some handsomeness, and that's now the modern-day pedophile. It's going tomorrow. Shut out. Finn's mom for dropping a paedophile band. Because your mum said you look like a paedophile. I think you've got to stick with it, Finn.

I don't want to. Why? These are all, like, peer pressure me to do. I don't like it. You don't like it? Why? I just don't. I don't.

Thanks, Tom. Maybe I will then. Maybe I'll say something to keep it. You're like a greasy door-to-door salesman. That's all of people. A repeater file, sorry, shout out, Julie. You look like a pianist. A pianist?

A pianist, that's a good observation. A bit arty. What pianists do you know? Who is a famous pianist now? The pianist. Adrian Brody. Adrian Brody. It looks like Adrian Brody.

I look like Adrian Brody. But like in the pianist because he has the... When he was all thin. Yeah. Did he don't John have a moustache? He had a beard for a few years. Hey! Oh!

Because he was changed. Wow, fit. He's given up like a Michael Sera vibe. That's not a good vibe. Michael Sira, by the way. He's cool as far. No, he's not. He's not cool.

He's not cool. He's not cool. Manchile. Yeah, but he looks like, he's about 39 and he still looks 14. I looked 39 when I was 14. That was my trouble. I couldn't play with my mates from the age of about 13 because everyone thought I was a paed of five.

Wait, what are you doing? Hang around those kids. than them. Were you barely tall? You're fucking weirdo. He had with a beard. Did you just ask him, was he barely tall?

At one point he wasn't. Yeah, I grew into it. I didn't come out. It wasn't like that. Not when he was born, was he? But she's David Slipatish

could take some side. I don't think like six foot seven comes out of nowhere when you're like 19. No, but... I did have a ghost but yeah,

but I was always tall. I was always thin though. To want him. Like Peter Crouch. And then the booze. He's like a piece of Crouch. Crouchy's got that thin, yeah. Crouchy's, he's, he's sexy Croucher.

He's got a vibe to him. His wife's beautiful, yeah. But he's got, if you, have you seen Peter at Liverpool? I've met Peter. No, I've never met him, no. He's just got an aura of, like, it throws you off kilter. Is that his personality, though? Yeah, personality.

But he kind of shimmers like a movie star. He's pretty incredible. Peter Crout shimmers. I did not expect that question. He's obviously one of the soundest people. Yeah, he's such a sound guy. But he has a sound guy. But he has like an incredible...

Yeah, an aura about him. The football has always just feeling a bit, like, clean and incredible more than we do. But he's, yeah, he's just fucking immense. He's fucking funny. He's funny. He's a funny guy. He's almost like a movie star how he conducts himself.

We asked last week, have you ever met anyone who's got an order? Because Dan said Jonathan Ross had it? Yeah, I can imagine. Yeah, I've been, yeah. He's show busy. He's shimmered. Yeah. I said that to him.

He asked me to leave the set. You met, if you met Shalomey? Yeah. Oh, that's so cool. He is gone. Have you met? Have you met Shammley? Timmy Pingpong?

I did a film with him, yeah. Oh, yeah, shit, you did. Oh, my God, I forgot how much my daughter's going to love the fact I've met you today. We played a lot of FIFA. She fucking loves that film. Really? Oh, my day. Wonka?

Yeah, yeah. Oh, she loves it. Were you Willie Wonka? No, Timmy was. Yeah. We played a lot of FIFA. Oh, that's a lot of FIFA. Oh, that's obsessed with a championship manager at the time, which I know that you've chatted at the back,

because I watched this. But I was obsessed with chat. Like that was my thing of, I was on set, long days on set. So I was like, let me take Palmer's from Syria B back to the sort of dizzy heights of a studio

and, you know, great, those days. So I was like, let me, and he came past one day and we had these little,

put you up tense by the set. And he was like, what are you playing, man? I'm just playing championship manager. He's like, what the fuck? And he came over.

And once you start explaining it to someone, it's so fucking, but like if you're playing it, you're immersed in championship manager. I'm obsessed. But it's like, oh, yeah, sorry, I'm just doing a contract for one of the youth players who wants to leave. I might look like the fitness trainer coach might be going as well. And it's sort of like, it's like, actually, it's a lot of clerical work.

But I'm on set of a fucking movie. And I'm a state, but my hobby is playing a fucking, like, essentially like a secretary. Yeah, but he touched it and won the league. No, he, he was like, I'm going to get this. He loves, he's obsessed with football. Like, there's a picture, isn't that of him and Joe Gomez as like youth players playing against? Yeah, and it's great. Playing Champa,

Chapman with Timothy Salome is a weird fucking fucking We think, I think, we've said, we think he's the new goat. Yeah, he's incredible. Like, when he's going to be like 60, but like, like, the kind of way. I don't think we're like in the minority there. That is like a commoner.

No, but like, that's fucking, that's the most famous Brad Pitt, that's, like, he's going to be that. Also, he's getting court side fame for being at the Knicks, isn't it? He's got, he's got the aura of it. Yeah, he's a cool fucking guy. Yeah. He's a cool guy.

He's like, yeah, he's fucking, you're like, I, by, like, when he first started going out of his missus, I was like, I had no idea she was. And I came home from set one day, I was like, hey, Tim's girlfriend was in today. And my wife was like, what the fuck? And I was, like, chatting to, and I was, like, chat to most of boring things.

Like, what did you think of lunch today? Like, so, like, get to fucking go, Jenny. It's kind of, yeah. Do you think that there's a tour? There might be a taco truck tomorrow. Is it Kylie or Kendall? Kylie. Kyle.

Carly, yeah. Is he? Is he sound? He's proper sound. Like, genuinely like, yeah, probably like when he wrote, like, just had a laugh. And I think his world is, he loves stand out.

I think there's a thing where you're chatting to him about that, but I found him to be, like, he has a way about him where you're with someone who has that thing that is like a start, you know, like, generally like Peter Crouch has that. It's like, you're like, fuck, I'll never be that. I feel like I'm still.

He's a crouching, Timothy Jolomey together at last. That's a film. Star quality, man. It's weird though how some people just have that. Like where you just meet someone and it's just like, oh, okay, that's... It feels, yeah, you're like, how... Like they've got a colour around them that you haven't got,

like a shine, like a Pokemon card, a shiny, that you just haven't got yourself. And then some people you meet and you go, like, oh, he should have that thing that I haven't. Yeah. Have you got where you are without the shimmer? Yeah, there's no shimmer on me. I'm very matte.

You're right, then. Yeah, I'm just, I'm excited to tell my nine-year-old daughter who I've been hanging out with today. I was looking forward to today's episode, but I completely missed the link of why this will be so important to my daughter. That's what you're trying. Who fucking loves that film? What else?

Is that his favourite films? Who else can me invite onto? Danda, should I, Paddington? Rambo two. She's not into the first one. She thinks she's just a, you know. Paddington too? Paddington too.

Yeah, he's in that. Oh, he's in fucking everything. Look at you. How's Paddington? Is he sound? Yeah, he was hard. of work. He was, yeah, he was, yeah, he was, yeah, he enjoyed himself on that and then

stopped, so Timothy would still text me about Paddington's just fucking ghosted me. Playing Champman with Padenton. Sort of like, Fowndt. He only likes football for the fighting. Takes off his duffel coat, it just goes wild. Jefferson Falfant. Shall we do a question? We've got one from Jamie Ash.

Cool. Like how girls have girls. dinner. What would you guys define as man dinner? I just had a protein shake and a tube of pringles. It's from Jamie Ash. Noodle butties. Do you know a little, I'll tell you what, this is a hack

that I think is the best tasting thing. Heinz tomato soup has to be hines with cheesy wotsets it's in. They call them Croydon croutons. That will blow your fucking mind. It literally is, you get in hard days work.

That is one of the best things. My dad still thinks Hines is the top tier soup. I took him to a nice restaurant, not so long ago, and we turned up, and it was quite glitzy, and everyone's all sort of ground up. And the waiter comes around, and my dad went, oh, the soup, is it, Heinz? And the bloat went, no.

And he went, don't worry about that. And I've said, that's an answer. In a fucking West End place, we've just got tins and two, what are we going to do? Free of a chicken? It's a Wednesday. Yeah, it's, yeah, it's fucking, that's a great one, try that.

Okay. I like making, like, a coconut and having toast to make butties with. Good. Loads of tomato sauce, chicken noodles, bam. It's shit, it's horrible. It costs 25p, but it's good. I'm going to try that. That's a good, good vibe.

Do you know what they mean by Gail Dena? Yeah, it's the picky dinner stuff that children are. It's basically why sometimes. I do like a picky dinner. When you're dad, I think the picky dinners, yeah. It's the only thing I can fucking make. It's an embarrassing. I can't mention.

Laura's like this Spag Bowl. frozen so you just reheat that you're like it's already too complicated what i'll do is we've got these like plastic serving plates with little compartments like sections oh like a prison and i chop up a cheese string i empty out a bag of fridge raiders chop up some cucumber and then like take a satsuma apart and i'm like i've nailed it that's all the major food groups and everyone's happy the kids are like this is class yeah you need spagball no i don't it's for the kids What do you have? Delivery or?

Not think it's really bad. Like chicken? I'm trying to eat healthy at the moment. Yeah. So chicken. I need to send you if you're getting it. I need to send you. I've got a protein and electrolyte brand.

I want to send you it. Yes. Yes. And you need to have it for your marathon. I send you some electrolytes who will blow your mind. Okay. Yeah.

I'm trying to do it. I'm trying to raw dog the half mile off a month. You're raw dog in it. What do you mean war dog in it? It's not really going to train. Just going to show. Are you fucking judge? You're insane.

That didn't work last time. You fell over when I went asleep. He did train last time. That was his mistake. Hold on, you were going to do a marathon without training? No, half marathon. Half marathon.

Fuck, but still, man. He's not even going to half train. So that's... I'm going to do a couple of jogs and that. But I'm just not taking it that seriously, man. By the way, how demeaning for anyone who finishes behind you. Straight for ages. I just see you in front.

And it's like, I haven't been fucking changed. The last one I did... You can't. The last one I trained a bit for, like I was doing, like, decent runs. I was doing like five and ten games. Yeah, I remember seeing you thinking this guy's...

You gave up drinking. That was the mistake. Yeah, it was fucking awful. I think you stopped boozing. You did? I toned it down a bit, yeah. Don't tone it down, tone it down. Do it drunk.

I think I'd be better. I'm going to, I probably won't have a pint the night before. Have a few on the way round? I might have one halfway. Like an Olympia? Yeah. Like one of the water stations? Are you going to fuck?

Are you gonna fuck for like six months? I'm not fighting. You don't come, do they? No, Olympics don't come for ages. Really? I thought they came loads. I know boxes do that.

I don't know fighters do that. It builds their testosterone, so it makes them like, that's their peak. The tossedosterone? The tossedosterone. If she keeps sending things back to the depot because there's going to be no sex.

Is that true with all athletes? I knew that was a fighter's thing. Yeah, because they want to max their toss. Like runners need to be able to explode, don't they need to be able to explode. Don't you don't need to be able to explode? That's exactly what you don't want to do is a marathon runner or half marathon.

What about footballers? 100 metre runners need to explode the definition of what they're. What about footballers? Footballers, obviously. Now they play too much. Yeah. Oh.

I'm just taking it casually. I'm going to... Play too much, man. Sort of my diet out a bit, do a few runs. But I'm still chitter and pines right up until the best time. Yes.

I'm coming. You're going to be coming. It makes for better podcasting. I like it. Wow. I'm trying to prove to everyone. I might start to, I said to the lads.

I actually said this on the end of the Kilimanjaro special. So there'll be. a bit of repetitionist, but it's fine. I want to start an Instagram page called Fat and Fit or Fat Fit. And it's just to prove that like you don't have to be

like ripped and all that to do all this. But that's all crazy that ripped stuff. To get to that level is just fucking insane. Yeah. It is difficult. I think you can do half-marathons and I think you can do a lot of these like physical challenges. Can you please do?

Can you, you know those cameras that the kid with a train at? Yeah. That's just showing your face. You should do the whole thing. You should have that through the whole thing. Just on your face as you're going around. Neck and pints with that.

Just banging, like Tommy Fury, banging people out of the way. Oh, that's madness. I finished the last one in one hour 57. Half marathon? Yeah.

Finished this in inverted commas though, because you got cut out of the land of sleep. No, I did collapse. I did make it across the line as well. So this is what's even more impressive, right? It's even more impressive than winning. No, it's more impressive than just the time being one hour 57.

So if I'd have, if you'd have said to me before and if I'll finish it in two hours, I'd be like, that's fucking unbelievable, right? So here's what I, have you ran one of these things before? No. So when you, I didn't know this until I got there. At the start of the race, there's essentially like pace setters, like expert runners. and they've got like sort of like lollipop men style lollipops. And on their lollipop, it's got a time written.

Right. So like there'll be one that says like an hour and a half, one that says an hour and 50, one that says two hours, one that says two hours ten, two hours, 20. And basically if you run right next to him, that's the time you'll get, give or take a few seconds.

They run at a perfect pace to get the time that they're holding, right? So in my head I was like, I want to finish. around two hours 20. That would have been perfect for me. I was like, I can do that. That's a realistic, good target. Yeah, yeah.

So instead of starting with the two hours, 20 people, I thought, what I'll do is, I'll start with the two-hour people. And then as long as I don't fall behind the two-hour 20 lollipop, then I've beat me target. I'll try and game the system, right?

Yeah. I start running. I get about, so it's 21.2K, I think, is a half marathon. I get about 7K in, and I'm like, these two hour comes to slow, Mom. I'm going to go ahead of these.

Wow. And I felt comfortable. So I was like, now, if I don't end up behind the two hours, then I'll beat me two hours. That's mental. Like, let's fucking go. So I'm going faster than I should be now.

Long story short, I dropped my water bottle on the floor. Yeah. Bent down to pick it up, and my leg stopped working. So two lads pick me up and push me. apparently I don't remember this bit but I got five yards further

and then fully collapsed so then they picked me up again and they both dragged me across the finish line how far were you from the finish line when this happened? A quarter of a kilometre so next to fucking like a minute and a half that's fucking impressive still

yeah yeah I can do that including getting dragged across the finish line and collapse I still be two hours yeah that's also an amazing film by the way but this time I've set me target at two I was 15, but I want to skip across that finish line this time.

Half cut. Yeah. So it's about you actually pacing yourself? I actually, I'm, the disobey. Is under two and half hours and I actually run across the finish line. You're too competitive. You're going to see that two-hour guy and be like, I can smoke. Oh, I'm starting him again.

Yeah. He's slow. Yeah. You're just really getting into his head as well going, you call yourself a runner. What, getting his head so he does it in an hour and 20 and kills nine people. You're fucking shit. I can see why they gave you to two hours, you're fucking loser.

Call this running. I've had seven guineuses. I'm not even finding this a strain. Let's do some have words. There's a jingle playing, Tom. I'm cool, beautiful. I really hate the jingles when the guests can't hear them. They make me sad.

Are you the speaking earlier that we so long? It'd be bad for the mics, wouldn't they? Kieran Feeling says, hey up, lads. Have a word with my wife. for thinking I'm fucking weird, but I think this is totally normal. If we book a family holiday

or fly to a destination we have never been to before, I like to search up the return airport to see what shops and restaurants it has to offer. She thinks I'm batshit crazy, but she wasn't complaining when I told her about the Wendy's in Punta Kana. Is that sexual?

I like to be surprised me. Yeah, I'm with Keering here. I like to know. Well, it's not always a nice surprise, is it? Kilimanjaro International Airport. We've got one tat shop, another tat shop, a third tat shop, and then a lady selling ice cream. Fuck, you know.

I, uh, I, I, I think the only thing that can happen here when you research it is bad news. It's never going to be as good as you could possibly want it to be. Paris airport's sick, isn't it? Paris, is it? Sean DePaul. One of the biggest airports in the world. Yeah, but it's got everything.

It's fucking incredible. I don't think I've ever been to it. I've flown to the other one, which is just outside of Paris, the one that's not that one. It's got like PlayStation 5s in it. Yeah, people... You can just literally sit and like, I was nearly late for my plane coming home.

They're so immersed in playing. Just sitting there just like had some fucking food. It was like, it's just better than anywhere I've been for years. Too good. Yeah, it's too, yeah, too good. Great shops. Fingly good.

Yeah, the Middle Eastern ones are pretty sick, aren't they? Like everything in the Middle East, you're like, you don't want to be here. We'll just make it dead nice. Yeah. And no one really wants to be there. It's too odd. I like Heath, he throw.

I think so at. 7 or 5, I think, yeah. Best airport is Liverpool. It's not there. Is it? Just get on your plane like a bus. You know, like, you don't, you come off the plane and they just go,

oh, go on. Really? They just walk outside. There's no passport control at Liverpool airport when you get back. Really? Hang on. Yeah. For Dublin.

I've never been through possible. No. Lads. Lads, there is 1,000% passport control. I've been through it with you lot. It isn't in cork? Cork's the best. Talk is amazing.

drunk yeah all of them no one's gonna attack carrie's like that it's insane yeah yeah yeah it's like if you go over to yeah it's the idea of coming through is like the security that you have to do that's what and do you know that the worst of you've got kids right when you come through at heathrow now they go oh you can go through to the family are which means you can't use your fucking chip on your passport so much slower the other day we it was one person working at a desk me and my wife and my daughter were there for like nearly an hour with other screaming kids you're like oh this is fucking long. This is, yeah, this isn't the one.

You're preaching to the wrong choir here though. Yeah, like, yeah, good. That's your fault for having kids. That's what I'm looking at you for solace. Yeah. Oh, that's brutal. Makes me not want to go abroad when you're like, oh, we're going to go to Portugal in the summer.

Yeah, I know we're going to have to go through. Is it faro, fairo? Oh, my God. That during the summer holidays is a fuck fest. Yeah. It's insane. Is it? Not in a good.

That's why we bought 20-vilded. You love it, Finn, with that moustache. I watch the, what's the, apparently you have to do community service if you take your kids out of school yeah, in term time. I thought it was just like a little fine. Yeah, yeah, no, that's not, that.

You know, when I've got kids and the school are like, oh, we're going to fine you. But I'm like, find my assmate, it's not happening. I'm just homeschooling them for a couple of weeks. It's my right. In Nashville. Yeah? I thought it was just a fine.

I think if you get fined, I don't think it's just, yeah, I think it's like, third or fourth time. What could they possibly do to you? I think it's a law so they can use the criminal justice. You've got to be really careful about it now. So they can put you in prison?

I'm not taking any fucking laws of this government. Now they're all in these Epstein files. I'm not fucking listen to them. If they're shagging and eating kids. I'm not fucking... I'm not paying for that parking tickets. Was he in the Epstein files? No.

He was in the Epstein files. It's nearly as bad. Is it Epstein? No. Epstein? Yeah. Is he not cool enough, is he? No.

No. He's not cool enough, is he? at all. Oh, God, you need to get with it, mate. He's not cool enough. You need to get

in the big files. I'm not cool enough. Peter Mandelson is. Peter Mandelson is. Peter Mandelson is the coolest guy we could invite to this nonce party. Peter Mandelson? Allegedly.

Allegedly? Mandelson? Yeah? Famously, yeah, yeah. Pant needs very charm. It's not aura. Loves pizza. Yeah, he's no beer crouch.

You know what that means? Peter Madelson is no pizza crouch. Right. He's in all a t-shirts. Oh, what a podcast. that'll be Mandelson and Crouch. The shimmer pod. Two peats in a pod.

Unreal. You're on fire to that. I love this. Really good. I think you might be the most intelligent person in the pod. Rastcloth. Um, peep a drump bath.

You just call Finn a Rastcloth. I don't know where it came from. Thought I'd got away with it. Isn't that really nasty and bad? Oh yeah, but not to us. Um, uh, What's next, Dan? Just none of these are as fun.

Oh, wait, last one. Jack Garrigan says, have a word. All right, lads. By the way, if that was a made-up name, it's really lazy. Oh, have a word. All right, lads, have a word for you. I got into a taxi and the driver was on the phone. He asked if it was all right if he was on the phone.

And I said, yeah, mate, no worries. Me and my mate are chatting. And the next thing, he pulls over and goes, shh, I'm on the phone. I couldn't believe it. Take this man. I couldn't believe it. It said it was all right to take a goal, but I'm not sitting in silence.

I said, why would you accept if you have an important call? Then he went batch it and kicked us out in the middle of a main road and it was pissing it down. Have a word with him. Love the party. That's from Jack. He's fucking sick. That is fucking incredible. Imagine.

Imagine the goal. He's got bollocks him. Yeah. Oh, he had them because that's a sinister thing as well and just to throw people out of the car. First warning, just to pull over and go back, that's it, you're out. That's like old school. That's had old school taxi rules

before there was any sort of reviews and stars. Yeah. Yeah, before we all lived in this sort of world where, yeah, everyone gets rated. You've rated as a passenger, which is insane. But like, yeah. That is mad, isn't it? Getting as a passenger?

Yeah. I don't do anything ever. Why are I getting in a taxi? Is it out of five? Yeah. Why are I five? I don't do any. Are you not five?

What are you? Like 4.91, but I don't do anything. No, I'm like 4.5? I just sit there. Tom, that's low. I don't know how I got so low. What's mine? I'm all checking.

Does it do that thing where emails you're going, you haven't left your review for... Do you have Uber now down? 4.73. 4.8.8. I've gone down again. What I'll do? Let me see if I've gone up or down.

4.88? 4.8. 4.81. 4.82. Fucking rat has done me there. What are you? 4.73. Oh, I don't that's low. I'm 4.73.

I've come up to you. Class. But how do you get to 4? How did your score go up and down? Because the drivers rate you? It's a shame you can't see how they've rated you. It's so short waiting times, courtesy, safety. That's because I don't sometimes.

Safety is a passenger. You're not, if you don't wear your belt. If you're belt, unbelted. What's yours? Oh, Steve's perfect. No, but he's the best out of all right. I feel like we all should. Do you ever know that you're...

Do you give them five stars every time? I don't review anyone. Booking.com can fuck off. Or do you go back? Do you want to review your stay? No, I want to forget about it. Slam in a door as well. Trip advisor.

Slam in a door? Slam in a door. All fat hands. Very few people have a perfect rating, so don't despair if your average isn't five. But does that mean if we're all out and we're all in separate little bits of Liverpool, stay and Carl are going to get picked up above us.

Yeah. Is that how it works? Yeah. Well, yeah, it depends. they go. If we're all going to the same place. Yeah. Oh yeah,

because they love a long journey. Yeah. With a piece of shit. I think when the jobs come through, it tells you how much they're paying. And if you're an Uber driver, it tells you how much they're going to pay you. And they're rating.

Wow. I've had this a few times recently where I get in an Uber and they ask me how much I'm paying. They're like, what is, what price have you agreed to here? Because they want to know how much they're going. I try not to use your Uber. I try to use like, if I'm in London,

I'd use Jump. I think like the black cabs. I like a black cabs. I like a black cabs. I thought that's what I'm about. That's a very London thing now, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, there's an app called Jump. And Jump, you haven't got to give you a credit card, any of your bank details.

So you pay them when you get in. It's just literally, it's done on almost like an old school honour system. Nice. You say I'm here, the jump will turn up, you jump in. You know the Geese's name so you can get in and go, hello, Bill. Oh, that's sick. Yeah. Yeah, the chat's already there. You know that, you do know the fella's name with Uber as well,

but it's a fucking risk trying to pronounce most of them. Hello, Bill. Sent fucking rolling a night. Now has I been a bedel on? That has been a fucking phenomenal podcast. Go and see Big Tom D on tour. Thanks so much for coming in, man. Thank you for having me.

It's been a long time coming. I've enjoyed this as much. It's not more than I thought I would. So thank you, chaps. Fucking class. Have we got a tune to send us out for the audio? I've also got tour tickets as well. Adamrow.com at UK.

Go on Finn. Hip-hop night's nearly sold-up, probably sold-up, but go get your tickets. Well, sold-olds. Yeah, the link is in the description. There is about 70 tickets left for the hip-hop night. It is Saturday, March the 14th, the night before my 45th birthday. Boom. I don't know why that's important, but please come.

Got a slightly heavier tune this week. Heavy, man. This is a band called Lithium, and this is their song, Help Me. Help me! Help me! Help me! Help me! Appreciate your lids.

Bye, Fulicia. Oh,