Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #370 with Fin Taylor - Have A Word w/Adam, Dan & Carl

Episode Date: March 2, 2026

Tickets, merch and loads more available on our website! https://haveawordpod.comDan & Carl's Hip-Hop Night || https://www.skiddle.com/e/41781901Tickets for Have A Word Live shows as well as Adam and Dan's tours and previews:Adam's Tickets: https://www.adamrowe.comDan's Tickets: https://dannightingale.comCarl's Stream || https://twitch.tv/senseicarl_Finn's Music & Tickets: https://finnlayk.co.ukFin's Tour: https://www.ticketmaster.co.uk/fin-taylor-tickets/artist/1953867As Adam and Dan said, don't miss out on all of our extra content, we've got one of the best value Patreons in the game. An extra 90+ minute episode every week plus loads of bonus content such as the now infamous Lockdown Lock-ins, the Nashville & Amsterdam specials and our Ghost Hunts! What are you waiting for? Sign up now at https://patreon.com/haveawordpod​Get subscribed to Have A Word Highlights: https://youtube.com/haveawordhighlightsListen to Finn's new EP: https://finnlayk.lnk.to/AllInYourMindThanks to this week's sponsors:Heights | https://heights.com/haveawordEnter code HAVEAWORD20 at checkout for 20% off your first month!Manscaped | https://manscaped.com20% off with promo code: WORD20NordVPN | https://nordvpn.com/haveawordEXCLUSIVE NordVPN Deal ➼ https://nordvpn.com/haveaword Try it risk-free now with a 30-day money-back guaranteeLovehoney | https://lovehoney.co/word_podcastLove how you love and take 20% off sitewide to unlock sexual happiness and discover a happier you with promo code: AFF-WORD20Saily | https://saily.com/haveawordDownload SAILY in your app store and use our code HAVEAWORD at checkout to get an exclusive 15% off your first purchase or go to https://saily.com/haveaword 🌍ADAM ROWE and DAN NIGHTINGALE are two award winning comedians from Liverpool & Preston, respectively. They are two of the UK's most highly regarded stand-ups and have both performed all over the world. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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the very best in protecting your online activity. Go, Ed. Get on me. Huh? Huh? It looked like you had something to say. You look very... Rugged. Safari.

I literally, I was going to say, you look like a Safari. You saw John who took us around Safari and was like, I'm taking that look. Well, I bought some stuff like this for the Safari, and I sort of ordered out there, but I bought this recently in London. This is on us, by the way.

This is on us. He didn't mention fashion at all, and we've started out. It's a lidless cup, in it. No, no, not the lidless. Lidless take away cup. Could be to move. Jesus, he's changed.

But in a good way. Rugged was camp, wasn't it? I should have just gone, oh, you look good. I was like, oh my God, you're looking. This is a heading bone twill, English wear wear shirt.

That's too many words for a fucking khaki shirt, in it. No, I said, Adam just walked in on his heading bone. Heading bone twill. A wishing bone.

Wishing bone, wish, wishing bone twill. Wishing bone twill. Wishing bone twill. It's just, uh, it's a lovely comfy top. Adam, is that a wishing bone twill,

Carkey Shade there. Did you mind off a safari? But didn't wear it. You get use out of it. Because it's quite a thick material. It's good for this February weather. It has gone mild. It's gone mild.

But you'll get the use of it. Fucking love the fashion. Looks comfy. You look rugged. Am I gay? I'm a bit gay. Is that Alex in the house? Yeah, that's how she says goodbye to her.

She's stuck next to him. Adam! Every time you see one of Adam's selfies where he's doing the... This is what I'm wearing today. Just know that in the background, Alex is going, Look, they're good.

Front foot forward. I fucking love you. Shag the ass off you, mate. I'll clean the middle when you go. See you later. Get on me. Switch she's like, she speaks like.

Yes to walk past. That's a leave. See you later. See you later. It is quite mild, isn't it? What? It's quite mild.

We're over the worst of it. Yeah, man. My birthday yesterday. Lovely and warm. It was like God had gone, bow. Oh. I apologize.

What for? I apologize. I did notice. That was... Honestly, Paul. He didn't, he didn't mess with me till 9 o'clock. I don't post them, though. I posted stories.

I post them. Don't watch them. And I, I, I, I, you should have all about babies in your head. 15th of March? Who's, when's everyone? January the 12th? No. 11th.

Yes. Is it? Yeah. Yeah. September the 19th. 21st. 21st. 23rd?

23rd? It's the 24th. Stephen? It's not the 24th. It's the 24th. Honestly, Steve. I really like you. Just after.

Just after his? 25th. No. 28th. But Carr, you actually told me the day before that it was your birthday the following day. That went in and out. Then you rang me quickly to go, hey, I'm just paying an invoice so you don't also pay it.

Didn't clock it. That was such a functional, like, quick conversation. Didn't clock it. And then you were like, oh, do you fancy doing, can I, I can say, can I? Yeah. He was like, do you fancy coming over and doing Pilates with me and Cereka? Sorry.

so sorry I'll be it'll be my second Pilates in three months we haven't we haven't died after Pilates and someone's not invited

I'll flesh it out I'll flesh it out so it's Sereka's birthday today and we were meant I'll get back to why we didn't go for food last night we got food tonight we had to cancel

Oh you've got a leak in your house get over it on we had to cancel Seneca's plans tonight because we were going to make Jule but it's going to take too long

so she went right as a birthday present you're coming to Pilates on Thursday because it's going to be, it's going to break me. I'm a breadstick, it's going to kill me. And I went,

oh, it'd be funny if Dan came. So I went, I'll ask Dan, and that's where it came from. And I've, enjoy your little Pilate party. Well, there's only five Pilates machines. Oh, is there?

Can I just say? You can be the fear of us? The initial plan was just me. That's weirder. Why? I get, I really get on well with Syracia. Yeah,

but I feel like, turn up. Also, and every year for Syrika's birthday. I would be interested in a Pilarsie Every year for Sarah Goh's birthday, she's like, obviously, Carl, what are we doing? I'll have to fit in around what me and Dan are doing. Because it's quality time.

One of my best friends, my business partner, I've got to spend time with his wife. That's important. So I've invited Laura, who loves a... I don't know, she just likes the idea of it. But she asked, is it movie Polaris? Or is it the one with the... Reform Polarties? What does that mean?

It's where you send the boats back afterwards. Right, okay. Hang on. Sorry. Reformer with the machines. A reformer. I've never done that. Neither am I ever going to die.

I did sweaty Pilates for my sister's birthday because she is all healthy now. Not that she was like a crackhead or anything, but she's off the crack. And she did a Pilates, sweaty. She was like, look, there's eight places and I've invited seven mates to be dead funny if you could come. So I went and saw my niece and my niece and my nephews.

And she was going on that all eight filming. Sorry. There was silly. There was seven of them. And I really enjoyed it. It's good. You know, can I enjoy this one. It's just loads of stretching.

But I, I was sweating horrifically and all the girls are doing, the classic girls in it. Oh my God, I am doing it, but I'm not sweating. It looks like...

I want us to go to laugh at us because we're not going to be able to do it. That's great. I'm in. My missus has just bought a Pilates math. There's not a math as a machine. What? Reform is like a...

It looks like a really complicated rowing machine, doesn't it? Yeah, and it's a big machine that you do with Pilates. Oh. Yeah. Yeah, you just can keep that. Yeah, I didn't think you'd be into it.

I thought it was still like posing and that. That's yoga. That's yoga. They're not the same? No. No. Yeah, yoga's all life. Do you know what, though?

The sweaty Pilates wasn't a million miles away from yoga. I'm fine with yoga and I have enjoyed it and I've done it a few times. It's just all a bit like hippidy-dip-dip-dy, you know? It's like, let's do the stretches. Let's do it in a sweaty room. I'm awful. I can see the benefit of that. But the whole like, and now let's center ourselves and take a minute.

and really reflect. Let's switch. I had to fuck off. Yoga is non-contract Karati for women and gays. I, honestly. Get that out of T-shirt. A little bit rough as a sentiment, but I don't disagree. When he got in love, non-contact karate. Who with? The gays.

All right, to-da. The gay guy that was doing sweaty polis the time I did it. The gay guy that was in, he was diagonally in front of me. What, he looked fucking amazing. I'm not even sure he was gay, but if he was a loss. to the gay community if he wasn't gay. Oh, phenomenal. So Svel and just could do everything. He had silver hair

and abs and everything. And you're like, yeah, this is you. And I'm there tubbing behind him like trying to work off a hangover, sweating through my knick-knacks. Fucking hard work. But you forgot to wish you were birthday? Happy birthday, mate. But you did. It's just late. Have you wished Cherokee one today?

No, but I will. I will. I'll see you later. Happy birthday. Thank you. 34 years old. It wasn't a happy birthday. Yeah. The bad kind of squirt.

Pair and piss was leaking from the ceiling on it. It wasn't pyrn't piss. Your waste pipe's broke in it? Waste pipe's broke, so I've got like non-drinkable water coming through my kitchen roof. It's stopped now and I'm getting a new bathroom. All water.

All water. All water that comes through a roof is usually undrinkable. Yeah, but if you're poured in highlands, please. I'm not wasting this. I'm not. No, but I mean at source, it's non-drinkable. All right.

What's the sauce? A mountain. The toilet, yeah. But it's going in, not going out, it's not poo. Even the Japanese toilet. That's just the toilet to see. Does it mean I can get a new one though. So, we're in a new bathroom. So the plumber came out and went, yeah, that's under your floorboard.

What I'm going to do is I'm going to rip your whole bathroom out, destroy it. You're all right. I'm worried Adam's going to get very recent PTSD. I'm fine. This is well worse than that. I've just got a hole in my ceiling and I can live with that. It's just worse than that. It's like having a pile of clothes in the corner.

Like it's new my birds head in, but I'm just like, that's what the kitchen looks like now. I've got a hole in my ceiling because he poked a hole in it so it wouldn't so the water wouldn't run it leaks it's when it first comes out to Did you have like the baggy balloon

like the condom No it's literally We caught it as it started And it was a drip Like it wasn't a burst pipe But you know I want to rip your bathroom out and put it back in

And I went I don't want you to put that bathroom I can't fucking eat it So rip it out and put it in the bin So we're buying a new bathroom That's like a sexual threat Hang on this isn't a new This isn't Hang on, let me, no, your bathroom was,

you've not spent tons on that bathroom and now you're doing it again. The bathroom moved in. Nice, okay, so it's a job that's going to get done anyway. We're getting a brand new bathroom, which is cool. You've just accelerated a job you were going to get done in the next two months anyway. Massively accelerated. Yeah, it's very well centred. Yeah, thank you.

Nice. So it wasn't a happy birthday because I get dead stressing over shit like that. And it takes me like an hour, no matter what it is to come out of it. So we were leaving to go for Picardo and for my birthday. And I was like, I can't. I'm being stupid me. so we went and sat in American Peters license which was just as nice.

So you have to have a little word with yourself because you're in a bit of a life grump. It'll just put me in a mood and I've got to work out what's going to happen and what the worst possible thing is and then I need to work out what the issue is. I can't just go out. Do you know what I mean?

I think some people might say that's quite healthy you know that you go, this is irritating. I'm just going to be irritated by it. Rather than ignore it and then in two weeks be like, fuck it. Oh no. I'm like, this needs sort of. I know what you mean there, though, because this is not me being arrogant character, Adam,

but I think I do what you do there, just fast, like, dead quick. So, like, when there's a problem, my brain goes right, what's the absolute worst that could happen? Now have the emotion that you'd have when that happens right now. Yeah. And then just forget about it. Is it more intense? Is the annoyance more intense for that 15 minutes?

No, no. I just make myself feel as bad as I possibly could. And then I'm just like, nah. That's exactly, but that takes me an hour to get through. But that genuinely can take me 40 seconds. Yeah. And after that hour, I'm like, okay,

in my head, the worst things happen. They can't get any worse than that. But I'd have gone to Picardo. Yeah, I just... Got to mean, either gone, oh, that's going to be an absolute bully. I'm going to just hate all week, but for tonight, I'm going to go and have...

Yeah. We're going tonight instead. It's good, just to deal with any sort of annoyance or grief or... I just put myself in the way... Yeah, I'm like, right, well, what's going to happy need is that fucking ceiling's going to fall down, it's going to cost me 48 grand. I was like, just get over it. And then when the news is better, it's better and it was better.

So I feel better. Sometimes it's not better. No, it could have been any worse than what I thought. In my head, when I went to bed, the bathroom was falling through the ceiling. And if you deal with the emotion of that, then kiss and shit falling onto your central island. Not piss or shit, but yeah. In my head, I was waking up and me talking about it was in my kitchen sink.

And I thought I'd come down and go, of course it is. Speaking of fingers in the kitchen sink, settle an argument for me. Hopefully. So, no screech. Smooth enough. No, I think you've got context. So last night, right, we're back in the house. So good to be back home.

And my mistress is, was out all day. I went out yesterday. I took my car back to the dealership because I think I'm about to get a new one because I've come to the end of the contract on the last one. And then I got home and I was like, I'm going to go to the gym.

I went to gym with Jack. I was there for a couple of hours. Did a little jacuzzi afterwards, little spa bit. And my missus is a deck quite late so I was like, I'll do dinner when we get back. So I done dinner for us. I done steak and sweet potato cubes, just really healthy.

That sounds so good. Good. It was just really healthy, really sort of quick, easy dinner. It's so rare that I listen to one of these and go, fuck, I'd love a bit of that, but that sounds great. And then my missus was like, there's quite a bit we need from Tesco. And it's like 10 o'clock at night. And I was like, yes, I'm...

And while we were in Tesco, I was like, I'm... Because I've bought the stuff to do like a proper meal. You know, you get like chicken, rice and veggies, and you do like six portions of it, and that's just what you'd have for your lunch every day. And I was like, right, I was going to cook that straight after the... steak because we come to Tesco it'll take me like over an hour to get that all done i was like so i'm just going to buy a salad for tomorrow so i'm just going to get home and make a salad i was like do you want

yeah so it's like when we get back i'll just make us a proper like nice colorful salad and then we can go to bed so we get back and uh Alex also bought herself some stuff to have for breakfast this morning she loves like fucking granola and yoghers and shriets and fruit right so we get back and i'm making the salad and obviously while you're making the salad, your hands get a bit greasy. So at one point I opened the fridge and shut it again, and then she was like, oh my God, your hands are so greasy.

And I was like, yeah, well, I'm handling like olives and shit. Do you know what I mean? Like, I'm just, I'm making a salad here. Greasy little bitches. And then I went to wash my hands in the sink, and I just washed my hands and, you know, whatever. And there was still like a few dishes in that left because we, you know, I'd cooked steak and stuff before we went.

And like, generally, like, if I cook, Alex, We'll do the washing up. That's just, you know, team-making. So the fruit, she was using for a granola breakfast. She'd put in a sieve over a bowl and left them in the sink

and then said it was my fault for not seeing them and washing my hands onto them. Why is the bowl and the fruit in the sink? Their bowl's not going to leak, is it? Fucker. It's air fault, isn't it? Did you walk up to the?

the sink with your eyes closed? Yeah. How deep you can't. You don't cook loads, do you? No, but I wash me on loads. Yes, right. Hands. Yeah, but, okay, so I'm in the kitchen

prepping food for today, for both of us, by the way. Sheffing. And she makes a comment that my hands are greasy and complains that I've, not complains, but makes a comment. That's compared.

I've, like, use the fridge of. The fridge. door with a greasy hand. So I just go over to wash my hands. I don't think if I'm washing my hands while she knows I'm prepping food in the kitchen, I don't think I should have to check the sink

to see what there's fruit in it. Yeah, but how are you doing, are you walking up like this? Like to wash your hands. No, I'm not looking at, it's not entering my head. He might do the nurse liquor. There's stuff,

there's often stuff in the sink because, like, so I'm not like looking at, like, it's sort of in your periphery, isn't it? I walk straight up to the sink. So I'll walk up. Like, I know, And I literally just turn a tap on, put the thing in my hand and run my hands on.

Maybe at that point I'd look down and see what's in the sink. But what's in the sink is relevant if I'm washing my hands? She'll be washing up. What's in the sink? And she was like, like, ugh. Did you have greasy fruit? Huh? Did she have greasy fruit?

Soapy, greasy fruit. But then she can just turn the water and clean them again. Okay, so here's the fault. She didn't throw the fruit. I mean, I think she would have... If you've got soap on it, you got to throw it. Not really. You get soap on a bit of fruit.

Put a bit of fucking water on the soap. No, it's not. It's a porous material, guys. I would probably throw that food. What I will say is actually what happened was. Here we go. Right? What happened was, I'd washed my hands in an empty sink.

She'd then put fruits into the empty sink. And then she sort of remembered that I'd just wash my hands. She couldn't remember whether she'd put the fruit there before or after. She'd come over and kicked off at me. and it turns out all along there was no fruit in the sink anyway. She was like, I don't know how to figure out

whether you've washed your hands before or after it and I was like, well, you know, the bowl that's under the fruit is a full of soapy water, the bowl's empty. To be fair, that, M-night Shammala, that's why he didn't see the fruit because it wasn't there.

Whoa. So what did she do? She just made a fucking granola, didn't she? So she did the fruit in a bit? No. Oh. She was like trying to figure out

whether it had to get thrown. and then I was like, would you throw fruit in a bin if you got a bit of soap on them? I would. Yeah, I probably would. I would. It depends what fruit, actually. Raspberrys.

It was blueberries and raspberries. Raspberrys are the worst ones. Yeah, you get soap on there. It was blueberries and raspberries. Oh, and you don't want a soapy raspberries. Like an apple, you know, you know, get a war. Yeah, yeah. Apple's tough.

Banana, fine. Not a pale banana. What about is a chopped apple? Chopped apple. Hey, if you've got a unpealed banana in your fruit salad, there's other problems, isn't there? It's fine for soap though, isn't it? Yeah, not tasty, though. Isn't that one of them you meant to eat?

Like, you're meant to eat kiwis going out, aren't you? But no one does. No, you're not meant to eat the banana peel, but you are meant to open it from the other end, aren't you? No, so I think you're meant to, it's that monkeys do. What are your monkey? One time. Cheeky one. One time. Two time. Speaking of monkeys, you've seen a monkey in Japan?

Nah, that's getting a screech. That's a smooth. Punch? No, that was, yeah, I suppose. Punch the monkey. Getting bullied by all his mates. Yeah. And now I cared have sold out of that teddy.

I reckon it's all just a big punch. Boy me, make money by IKEA. We've got that. Sorry, what's happening? We've got the majority of their money in the monkey toy corner of the world? He knows business. Right.

How's the monkey toy corner? It's doing fine. President Trump is A-OK. What's happened? I've missed this. There's a monkey. It got abandoned by its mother. It's only a baby.

Real monkey. Real monkey. And they put it in a monkey enclosure in Japan to be like, hey, here's some monkeys. Go be a monkey with them. And all the other monkeys battered it. bullyer and it's got a big plush toy teddy that when it gets scared of hugs on its own. And that's an IKEA toy.

It's the IKEA 599. I can never say this word, orangutan, whatever they called. Arangutan? Orangatangatang. No, orangutan. Arangatan. There you go. It's easier if you do the accent.

It's an orangutan. We've got one. IKEA's soft toys are suspiciously cheed. Peter the snake. There's such a good selection. So it's got a little comfort. Right. Cuddle. The little monkey,

is carrying this toy around with it. Yeah. Because it's like, this is, this is my mom. And then literally, like,

it's lying next to it and making the teddy cuddly. Because... It's heartbreaking, man. Like, if you watch the videos, you'll get, like...

Some of the monkeys are just people, man. Some of the monkeys are being nice, but some of them, like, leg it, lad. Fucking bingo. Yeah, because it's a detention center. It's not like a happy... Also, Japanese...

It's monkey jug. It's monkey jail. Japanese... zoos and aquariums are horrific. Are they a bit behind the times? Awful. For what? In what sense?

Not go for the animals. Convicted animals. I don't know why. It feels like it'd be the future. No, it is honest. I saw a polar bear in like... I think Japan has the best PR

in that it's futuristic. They just got bigger tellies. That's all it is, isn't it? All the tellies are made out there so they put big ones on the side of buildings and everyone's like, oh, it's like the future. They're fucking bummer monkeys in that one. Because they don't have to play...

pay delivery. They're getting made round the corner. I'm just like, walk it around. What is that? It's Chinese. All kidding. Oh, yes. Oh, yes.

Chinese zoos, terrible PR. They get like fucking Otters doing the cancannon all sorts, don't they? That sounds class. In my head, in my head, you go to a Chinese zoo and it's basically everyone doing fucking

synchronized dance. It's just a load of bears going, oh, that's all sad. Not to be confused with Chinese Sioux, who works in big. ball there's so many things to press not so he can you talk about chayne big bowl hey sue been on the podcast but honest to god

the zoos and aquariums are harrowing so where does this harrowan harrowan are they all working 16 hour days or so we saw a wall out there two walrusers ones in essentially just like a wardrobe like

it's big enough for them to fit and not much of it. Oh, I'm seeing pictures. Yeah, this isn't great. There's a line in a shopping mall. What am I going to do? There's a horse. Loose in a hat box.

Like, honestly, you put all of theirs in, like, fucking kitchen cupboards and you'll open it and go, Oh, come on, Japan. Come on. You know? This is what this podcast is should be about. Where does that reputation come from them that they're futuristic? Is it boll? Because you've seen pictures of the big tellies?

In my head. You go to Tokyo and you're in Blade Runner. You are? So what's going on? Just that bit. Oh, yeah, but I trust him.

It is because all, it's the tech capital of the way, all the technology is made there. And they've got trains that go 2,000 miles an hour. You know, that's it,

it's trains and tellies, one. There's not an else, like, an autistic. They haven't got, like, better footies. No,

they did not. Do I mean? A footies? The cutting edge of technology? Yeah. No, but what I mean is, it,

if something is futuristic, truly, that everything would be better. They've got footy pitchers on roofs. Yeah, but where are the... What's their national team saying? It's unbelievable. It's unbelievable.

We used to play five sides and a roof, and it was fucking incredible. Oh, was it? Is there a roof on the footy roof? Like, can you lose a ball? No, there's cages and stuff. No, but I mean, if you just wellie one out, does it fall 15 floors

and absolutely kill a Japanese pensioner? No, they just fucking bam. Come on, Mr. Throwing back up! Stop being Korean, then. Problematic. But it's not futuristic, is it? As a nation. There's just a few things that are a bit more like, what?

You can just define what you mean by futuristic. Race relations? Bad. Yeah, no good. It's less racially diverse. And this is a fact than North Korea. Right. Let's go through, like, things that are a sign of a good society.

I don't believe it anyway. But genuinely, every year, there's like a, you know, there's a table of, like, racial diversion in, Is it divasion? Diversity. Diversity. Can you, uh,

can you Google the ethnic makeup of North Korea for me? But just Google that list. I'd guess it's pretty Korean. They do not have a Jamaican quarter. 99. 8 to 99.98% ethnically Japan just slips in. Just Google that.

Like, is Japan less ethnically diverse than North Korea? Well, it isn't. Okay. So it's, it's, it's only one. 1% less. Oh, it's changed over the last year. 97 to 98%. It can't have.

You've been there? Yeah, but I'm not... If you stay and Seneca went to fucking North Korea. That's 0.1%. But, yeah, racial diversity, not good. You know, they're quite racist as well as a people. Well, that's what... That happens when you don't have any diversity in it.

Yeah. Because they call anyone who looks ethnically different foreigners. Guy Jim. Yeah, guys. Like, they don't... They make their racism sound cool. fucking Guy Jin's over. They don't like Korean people.

Like, really. Just out loud as well. Like, it isn't like, you know, if you're maybe got some horrible things in this country, you'll keep it to yourself and to your horrible mates. Not anymore. They'll just say it in the restaurant, nah.

They eat Chinese people and Korean people. Out loud. They're their neighbours, aren't they? That's like not liking Germans and French people for us, in it. Sloss had a bit about this. Sloss had a bit about how racist Japan is. And he's like, it's funny watching white people.

And I'll do a, bastardised version of the bit because it's, it was a clip like this week actually on his socials but he's basically like white people can't get the head around it like Japanese people

hating Chinese people were just like but he's a he's the same sort of thing he's like that's like you know being Scottish and not like an English

but really well done but yeah racial diversity not forward thinking at all I bet they've got some fucking, sorry, we'll come back to that. I bet they've got some great internet. Just to, warning, they're, they're...

Everywhere's Wi-Fi. 7G? They're flying. Gender. Bad. But basically imagine 1950s England. They're about there.

So there you go. 1950s England, but with Belt of Sanchez. Okay, what about? Yeah, but it is moving into a more liberal, you know. So is it traditional breadmaker? Yeah, which is causing their population to go down. There's less bread.

Everyone's a baker. Causing their population's a plumber because the women are like, hey, I don't want to do that shit. I want to be like Western people and they get careers and fucking, you know, they hate careers.

So they've got the most aging, not Asian, got the most Asian, aging population in the world. Okay, what about LGBTQ plus people? I'd say, where are they for that? I'd say, I'd say,

I'd say 2000s, you know, you see them. and they, you know, they, for the ones of a better word, put up with it, but I wouldn't say they, it's very progressive in that way. Is there a Tokyo Pride? You've got a bad memory of the 2000s? I mean, I saw them and I put up with them. But, okay, you know.

Give one or two a TV show, but that's the limit. Exactly, but look at the telly back then. Like, I mean, like, in 10 years, they'd probably be caught up to, you know, at least some Western civilisation. Is there a Tokyo pride? Yeah, Google, I imagine a very small one. Yeah. In June, it's...

He's there. Hundreds of thousands of people. Oh, maybe it's big. In Yo-Yogi Park Square. Gath. But, you know, Tokyo is obviously the capital, so it's the most progressive part of the country anyway. I imagine if you go to a more conservative place.

I nearly said something then that I think would have been dead funny, but I'm pretty sure would have been really racist. Like, not in a playful way, not a hateful way. I'll tell you in the break. That's what we do. Isn't that what we do? Yeah, it looks like it was rammed. I mean, it doesn't look like it's as put together as like one of the,

like, I can't see Kelly Clarkton anywhere or anything like that. That'd be wild if she just, if she just turned up. Pretty good. Yeah, this guy's, I struggle with the name like. I recognize this guy's. But everything else. Kelly Clark's. Everything else is ahead of the West.

Technologically. And like infrastructure-wise, they just shit on how everyone. Japan, eh? They all kill themselves, so. Who's the real winner? Most of them are dead. So why have they got such an ageing population with the high suicide rate?

It's Asia, that? Ageing population. Their suicide rate is, like, plummeted, like, over the last couple of decades. It's like... Portures a weird, that. places like Guatamat, like Central African countries and South American countries.

is a higher now, I think. Google a suicide list there, Finn. It's about 16 people per 100,000. For 2025, suicides fell below 20,000 for the first time since 1978. We did it. Everything else, though, they're ahead of us. Like, they've got the trains and insane,

the infrastructure, everything, and it works. I've told you about the train thing where they get a note if you're late. I thought you had a note. because the trains are that on time and run to the second. If you go to work and go, I'm late because the train was late,

your boss won't believe you. So if the train's late, the conductor, hand right to note to say, I was a conductor of this train and it was late. And then you give it to you back. I wouldn't want the trains

to be that on time, me. I like being able to use that as an excuse. Yeah. Do I mean? Ah, it's a fucking traffic trains. Late, aren't I? Not my fault. Traffic train.

I don't know what I mean? Yeah, that does. Why was it late? It only did 1,500 miles an hour. Pathetic. Japan's gone to shit, mate. Visit Japan, man. I'm basically a fucking tourist guard.

No, if you check my DMs on. I mean, I like it and I love helping people, but... I'm not for Nashville. The amount to people who messes me and go, oh, lad, I'm going to Nashville for three days. Tell me the 10 must do things. I just blocked them. Could just ignore.

Just watch the special, in it? Block. Do my head in. Oh, what do you need to know? Get a cowboy. go boozing. That's it. He wants to know the real shit

rather than the tortuity shit. He's been there and done. Just get off Broadway. Everything else is sound. I mean, Broadway's sound. It's just, you know, it's Nashville Blackpool, isn't it? What's your Gaff then?

Have you, Preston? Yeah, people ask them. Yeah, yeah. People are like, oh, we're going for my honeymoon to Preston. Is there any recommendations? I'll just block them.

Because they're fucking idiots. What's the place you would? What would you do? What would you recommend him, Preston? If you had to, if someone, if one of your friends asked you serious.

The Football Museum? That's been moved to Manchester, I think. What's the best restaurant in Preston? Oh, it's a great question. Asking Dan, the foodie. I am, yeah, the famous foodie. Oh, we used to go Tiggies when I was a kid. I don't know if that's still there.

I'd just spell that? Got a Turtle Bay. Oh, the Hernandez. We've really come on. Yeah, he's Googled it. Number one restaurant in Preston is. No, no, I've Googled things to do in Preston. Oh, go on.

Leave. Got the biggest bus station in Europe. I believe. Leave, but vote leave. Date night scavenger hunt. What? Scavenger hunt. Isn't that like killing wild animals

where you've got something sweet? Is that just taking your smack-a-girlfriend to find some smack? Cockfields farm. Oh yeah, spent a lot of time at Cockfields. It's our cream fields. The gay world. And inadvertently turned into a gay pride.

It was just, you know, it was meant to be cockfighting, but a lot of gay guys kept turning up. And actually, they were sound. And that's why we're called Proud Preston. Cockfields. What else? Fired for you pottery class. I mean, isn't that?

If you've lost your job, you get to go and make pottery. That's a council initiative. Is that real? No. Oh, right. Champoline Park. I mean, a lot of the stuff on things to do in Preston isn't in Preston. Do you any cathedrals?

It's got St. I was surprised for that when we went to Las Vegas. We did what to do with Las Vegas, and the number one thing was to go to the Grand Canyon. Yeah, which is not in Las Vegas. Wally's Roller Disco. Hello. Wow.

That looks bleak. Institution when I was growing up. That looks so bleak. Can we go to Wally's Rollies. What do you mean? Me and Adam have been to one. It's awful. It's in an ASDA car park, the one in Preston.

It's great. Oh, it looks like a little like, it looks, run down community center with a big, not even a big square of black floor. Oh, sorry. It's from real, we've got loads of big squares. liar.

Is Preston not quite big? In my head, it's a big town. Big town. Big town. It's a city now, officially. Is it? Yeah. Union and a cathedral?

No, no cathedral. Well, it's not a city then? Yeah, it is, Carl. You can still be a city where I've been given city status. Not in my fucking eyes, mate. I will never recognise Preston as a city. Is it? I go by the football team and it's Preston Town.

100. North End? What are you, what are you talking about? Preston North Carolina. I just guessed. You knew it was called Preston North End and not Preston Town. There's their full Preston Town. It's not a Preston.

Was there a Preston South End? That's where I grew up. No, but I mean... A football team? No, it's just the... Most of Preston is the north side of the river. And the Deepdale's where the footy pitch is. Forty pitch, ground.

They were massive back in the... Back in the day. Stanley Matthews? Nope. Tom Finney? Tom Finney, that's the one. The ground of those spoke about... He's like the best player in the world

and Fiorentina tried to buy him and he was like, I think these Italians are trying to buy him here and the chairman was like, well, they can fuck off and you can fuck off as well. And he was working as a, like a plumber on, like he had a plumbing shop. He had to finish his shift and then go and play for North End. Best player in Europe.

Tom Finney, yeah. He used to speak about it. He was like, he was a jinker, wasn't he? Like he jinked. Yeah, that's what his nickname is, the jinker. No, do you know what I mean? Like, a footballist used to jinke a lot back then. Like George Best.

You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, it was all this, what I? Yeah, you don't hear that as often anymore. No. I think, I think basically to be a world-class football player in 1940s, you just had to be able to withstand massive head trauma. Jinking and weaving.

There was a lot of that. He's got a very thick skull and he's played for England 212 times. It's Tom Finney. He's just finished a 12-hour shift. Do you reckon Charlie Adam? Oh, God. Even from within a football chat.

It's better than Pella a football. No. I do. Yes. I reckon he's infinitely better than him. Yeah. If you watch... Are you joking?

No. No. I agree with him. If you watch football from the 60s, it is truly pathetic. Yeah. Yeah, but that Brazil team of the 1970 World Cup

will get actually turned over by Forrest by a team of Charlie Adams. 11 Charlie Adams are winning the World Cup up until about 1984. Give me it. Why are you a... He's an absolute lump. The balls they were playing,

on the pitches, playing with. Against defenders who didn't know what they were doing. Yeah, totally. I'm sure. Not a lot of big defend, not a lot of famous defenders from their majors because they didn't know what to do.

It was just men running through. Bobby Moore. Every goal was in the six-yard box. Everyone. And the people was like, shite. And you know, I'm not going to agenda against Pelle.

I'm not picking Pelle, specifically. I think the only footballer pre-80s who would make it in today's game is Maldona. I think, I don't think any of them. He wasn't pre-8. He was the 80s.

He was the 80s and 90s. Okay, I think he's the only one pre-2000s, then he would make it. Oh, for the fuck. Alan Scherer. Stan Larson to meet him. Dennis Burkamp. He was 2000s, won't he? No.

Okay, then pre-80s, I'll still go. Maradonna was born pre-80s. So was Dennis Burr-Camp. You don't think George Best could do a job in professional football? You'd have to adjust them. If you plunk him from 19... 72. Mickey Van de Vend would break his spine.

He'd be fucked. That's true. Anybody you can run and got a bit of weight about them and break his spine. He played in an era where they got fucking put through walls and just got up.

And now defenders are like, oh God, oh God, didn't touch it. They're not even elected. I just, I know we've had this chat before. I just don't, I think they're shite. Technically awful.

Watch, have you ever seen Pushcast play football? Yeah. Honest to God, Steve. better than push gas. Well done, Steve. Okay, so let me ask you his question then. If Stee's better than Push Gas,

what has Stee done in his life to train? What about, because I understand that, like, I understand making the argument that, for example, Lewis Diaz is better than Pelley. I understand that. I just picked Charlie out of him

because he's technically good, but not, you know, Revere, there's a good football. Okay, well, like Lewis Diaz Diaz has won a Premier League with Liverpool. He's now banging it in, in the Bundesliga. He's a really, really good, tricky, fast winger. Would be the best player, I've ever played in that generation.

Right, okay. So I understand that because Louis Diaz is being trained by the best coaches on the planet and has played for some of the biggest clubs in the world, and there's now modern fitness and training regimes that make him, with the God-given talent he was born with, as being coached to a level, that you could make an argument

that if you had a choice between Lewis Diaz and Pellé, like to start for your team. Like the Pelle, if you plucked them out at that time and put them in now, that Lewis Diaz might start the Champions League final ahead of Pellet. I understand that. What's he done?

Steve's on a Monday. He is his push gas. Like so hard. Oh, Steve desperately tried to defend himself, but I hadn't turned the mic on. That was fucking brilliant. By the way, Louis Dias goes back to 19, early 19, You know when Johann Kroif was unbelievable.

He would be off the pitch in eight minutes when he got fucking flattened. That's the other thing. I don't get near him. Are you kidding? Like, they don't have the brain. They used to kick, but they didn't used to tackle. What do you mean? They don't have the brain.

There hasn't been an advancement in the development of fetal brains. Tactics. Tactics. There wasn't tactics before. The defenders are brainless. Yeah. I honestly don't think that Lewis Dias would survive. If it was just Louis D.

Or going back. I'd just think it... He'd still be shy. He'd still be shy. Yeah, he was shit. I think natural God-given talent, Pellé is up there with the best players today. I think the coaching does make a big difference.

I do think, for example, like, today's Nottingham Forest would beat Man United's Treble willing to him. Yeah, we did this a while ago. We've said this a while ago. I also think Johann Croy fucking amazing, but he literally finished like three Marlborough Reds and then played Champions League football, didn't he?

It's class that though. I think that might be a problem. Yeah, any midfield. He's so funny watching a player get subbed off now and just have a bifter on the bench with like his coat's half on. Is it Chesney who smokes? Yeah.

Maradonna had a bump in the middle of a game, didn't he? Class. Scores and a guy comes on and goes, like a little, it looks like he's a physio. And then just goes. That's insane. Class. But yeah.

Pelletiate. Have a break. I will enjoy a break. I'm in a calorie deficit, boys. How's it feel? It's horrible in her. That's not, though. I feel great, but starving,

and that does me heading, but like I feel good. Oh, but I'm ready to do it. I'm ready to go into a calorie surplus. I felt great. I was for you last night. I just feel back. I also think,

I genuinely think I might have season or depression. When it's, like, proper grey and gloomy, I'm just a miserable country. It's happened the last few years. It's been heavily bad as well the last month. Please. Everyone remember this in September when we're wanking over winter. No.

No, what we like is now. You just like Christmas. No, what we like is bright and cold. So I think what I've been confused with for a long time is what winter is. Like, I love December. I do. I love December because it's not that cold. But January and the start of February can suck a bag of big cox, man.

Doing the school room when it's cold and pissing down. Oh, it's horrendous. December is sort of as dreary, but you've got like the joy of Christmas and like the festive period like sort of carries it over. And also it's new. Like the dropping temperature is new

when it's just being cold and rainy and grey and shift for ages. The best season is autumn and it's not close. No, but it's autumn. Menace by winter. Everyone's like, the summer's sick. It's because we got the time off in school. Summer 3rd.

July when it's hot and you can't do any is horrible. Summer's pain. That's like two days of the year. That's one day every three years. No, it's not. Oh my God, it's 49 degrees.

You know, it isn't. You struggle to sleep. When you're getting dressed, you're all sweating. There's fucking bugs everywhere. You sound like a fat man and you're not. It's autumn. It's autumn. Then it's spring.

Then it's summer. And then it's winter. Go on, Dan. Me and Dan, I have the same. It's spring, then summer, then autumn, then winter. What other was that? What?

Did you just go seven years? For the audio listeners, by the way, he starts at number two, went up to number one, then down to four and number three. Wait. Do it from one to four. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You fucking mad. That was confusing. Spring is number one. Number one. Then summer, then autumn, then winter. You're a fucking idiot. Mine's not even the same. That's spot the first two.

Go on. Watch yours. Summer, spring. No, you're lying to yourself. Do you know why I love spring? Do you know why I love spring? Because it's, there's so much hope behind it. Because you've also just got out of

abusive relationship with January and February. And March can be sneakier bit, bums as well. By the end of March, oh, it's all springing. Spring is sprunging. By the way, yeah, totally. I get what you're saying because at the start of spring, you know on the back of spring, you've got summer and autumn. That's right.

Yeah, and also, first beer gardens. The first bear gardens. Yeah, but you can't, you can't give summer and autumn to spring as part of its score. No, you can't. I can because if someone went, I'll suck you off, but then I'm kicking you in the bollocks. It's all part of the same deal, isn't it? It's going to ruin the blowjob.

I don't know whether it would. I don't think it would. The blow job's good. It's going to ruin summer of the excitement. Still class. If anything, I'd be like, oh, thank fuck I'm getting sucked off. I'm getting kicked in the bollocks of it. Yeah, that's what I mean.

In the back of your mind, while you're getting kicked in the bollocks here in a minute. Yeah. And that's not good. But then autumn is like you're getting kicked in the bollocks for Christmas. Summer, winter. Definitive. Definitive. Definitive.

Adam has said so. I agree. leader has spoken. You fucking psycho. Can you just give me a hand with something that I'm on a plane the day and I can't understand it. Like we were flying from Paris to Manchester.

Flex. So imagine that flight path. It is. Imagine that's a really good flex. Yeah. So you know, you're down here. Start again. I wasn't listening to mean dad.

I'm having a laugh. I'm in Paris. No, I'm flying to Liverpool, sorry. They're still having a laugh. Wait. Sorry, I'm flying to Liverpool. I'm flying to Liverpool. Start again.

Where's Manchester? You been in Manchester. Carl. Fame for his story. I'll start again. We're in Paris. Right, we're in Dubai. What?

Flying to Liverpool. Right. Yeah. Where's Liverpool on the map? North. It's on the left, in it? Northwest. Yeah.

On the left of the map. Left of the map. You know, on the left, right. I will be flying up high and then we'll be turning left. So, we're flying over London. Yeah. Right? And I can see that because of the shape of the Thames look like EastEnders.

It is cool. And I'm like, well, we live on the left. Yeah. You know what I mean? Because where we're flying up? Yeah. We live on the left. and then I'm like

well we must be over there then as we're flying I can see the land because I'm watching the whole time I love it's night time it's gorgeous then we landed on the right man and the plane didn't do a Ui what's the main we didn't land on the left bit of the land

right what the fuck are you talking about when we landed you might be pound for pound the worst story telling it on the planet you know but I can't get my head like pound for the amount of times

you tell stories but I can't get my head around it I don't know what you talk. I can't get around it because I don't know what you're talking about. Wait, Hang on. London was on your left. You landed like this.

It's like we flew over London. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. Yeah. Maybe a slight angle and then went sort of like round.

But there was land on the left when we landed. What? It's just blooming. There is land on the left. Of Liverpool. There isn't. No, there is,

there's a little bit. The rest of Liverpool? No. I don't land at Bramley Moore, do you? No, no, that,

but there was more than the size of Liverpool. Are you amazed by Runcorn? What's going on? I just couldn't understand it. That's honestly... It didn't me, I was like, oh, we've been gone over there soon. That's in the bottom 5% of, like, podcast conversations we've had.

That just drove me mad. And you've saved this for the podcast. It just came to me head. You need a, like, a flight tracker so you can see where you are. I wasn't getting enough connection. I wanted to go on the map. It is cool seeing cities and, like, being able to see that it's, like, Birmingham or, like, I kind of find that fun.

That sets off my life. little, yeah, loved it. I just like, spot on Fussy stadiums. Yeah,

which is part of the same game, in it. Like, because I was like, I'm sure that's Birmingham, then you see Villa Park.

Oh, it was on the way to Kilimanjaro when we were landing there, I went, oh, no. You can see Villa Park from there.

Yeah, you can see Villa Park. If you can see Villal Park, you want to climb Villa Park. I think one of the most spotable football stadiums from the sky in the UK is Worsall.

You'd always see it because it's just on its own. Because it's 11 meters from the M6. Yeah, yeah. Isn't it that square? I know they all are, but like, it's like, really... It's a boxy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a boxy boy. And it's next to the RAC building. Oh, not a dry pussy on the podcast house. If anyone's like, that is so boring, it fucking set me off a little bit. I was enjoying that. I love looking at, it's sick.

I saw the Emirates. Joe, they have, like, the thing where they glow the pitch. Yeah, the lights on it. That looked fucking superb. Looks like a champion Zee got there. Yeah, it was great. It's nice. It's done.

London looks absolutely beautiful when you're flying in over the tents. It looked like smashed glass. Oh, it's stunning. And it's, it's, and it's stupid because you know London's massive. But when you fly over it. Wicked, wicked. You know London is massive. From Adam.

A general levy reference. Because Harry is not here. Absolutely. Quality stuff. Oh, by the way, we've not not cut to Harry heads. He isn't he? He's in Amsterdam with his bloody, smoking.

and weird and having threesomes with brasses. Oh, we've had a song sent in featuring General Levy. Maybe we could put that on today. What? The actual General Levy. We've had a song sent in by a listening to this podcast. The General Al? Who's got a song with General Levy. When it's unsigned?

Yeah. And he's managed to blag. Yeah. Not the one who makes the sauce. Harry said wait. We don't do. Harre Tours. That's Levi Roots. My tunes lasts for 20 years. You thinking of reggae reggae sauce?

Yeah. Is that General? No. Yeah, that's General Levy. That's Levi roots. No. In exchange, sauce.

The name they twice they call reggae, reggae sauce. That he's saying that in Dragons then. Wicke. Wigit. Reggae is massive. Questions? I didn't miss it.

I know. Is that a new talk? I mean, I've worn it on the podcast before. I don't wear what you wear. It's 20. I think. It's because I don't talk about it. Where I shall?

Is that twill? Steve McMarn. That's right. That's what a player is who I said. Oh, Steve Malbronk, what a player. It's Mahmannerman. Steve. Sorry.

Steed Malbron. Good player. What about him? Have I said the wrong first name? Steve McMahon. Stee said Steve Malmarnock about 20 times in Africa. Tienabas. Oh, right.

Okay. Sorry. Oh, we haven't had a game for a while, have we? Candice says, I got asked these questions on a first date, and I thought it might work for you guys. So what is something you're bad at, but you love to do? And what is also something you're good at, but don't like doing? What is something you're bad at, but you love to do?

Should we start with your bad at it, but you love to do it? Bad at, but I love to. FIFA. Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, swinging a golf club. be so satisfying, but I am poo, like. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, but bad compared to what? Like, you better than the average person,

I imagine, because the average person doesn't play. Obviously compared to pros. No, but I think when you do something, you have a sort of level of like, you internalize a level of like, that's decent. I'm doing this decently, like, like, even compared to the people that are driving. Yeah, but that's because none of you play golf.

He plays golf. Yeah, but like, Steve's the only one who will sort of know what I mean in that, like I know what I'm trying to do with a golf club and you know if I play a decent game let's say I take a hundred shots to finish the course which would be a good game for me for most people who play golf regularly

like they'd be fucking unhappy with that they want to be in the 90s at least and then you know even further down if they play all the time if I take a hundred shots I'm probably like made up and like done well there with 15 to 20 of them. And the rest of them, you wait it and call yourself a fat cunt as you do, you're fucking stupid.

Are you the same of football though? Is yours football? I'm better at 40 than I am at golf. Is yours football thing? What do you mean? Like you're bad at it, but you love doing it. Yes. I mean, outfield, yeah. I think you're just as got outfield as you are in. It's not.

Shite at both. That's not true. You're better at all field than I think you give yourself better for. I can't, maybe darts. I like play. and dart. I say I'm batting the average person because I play a lot,

but I'm not really good at it. It's probably darts. Yeah. Finger in for me. Which way around? I've got to really work on it. But I love doing it. I'm there all day.

I'm like, you know? I'd actually put finger in in mild a bit. I'm class of it, but it just does me, it's not for me. Do you know what I mean? Of course it's not for you. It's fingering. No, I don't say literally.

All right. Sorry, I thought you're saying, Literally. Yeah, of course. If you're like, no, what's like, I'm doing this 10 minutes

and I'm not going to come. I get like, R.S.I. on me, like, me, uh, my,

my, me, oh, you need to wear one of those Velcro wrist things. I really help. And the girls love it. They're like, oh,

strap up, daddy. I understand. And I am really good at it. Like, a lot of women have said, I've got magic hands. Like, girls would be like,

you've got like, magic hands. And they're quite stubby as well, which I imagine they enjoy it. Is that when you're playing basketball or when you're thinking? No, when I'm fingering them. Loads of girls say it. I'm a good, I'm a good summer.

I'd probably be great at guitar if a picture. But, uh... But you get, what, KSI? Yeah, KSI turns up and you might be okay at ukulele, but... Like, I just, yeah. Like, I'm really good at it, but while I'm doing that, I am just thinking I'd rather eat it or fuck it, you know what I mean? Same a chicken.

Every time I know what you mean, but I just wish I didn't. Oh, that was horrible. He's nobody's... Why, come out of a face. Hey. Can't be honest, what you love? I'd rather be eating it off. Fucking it.

I'm gone. I'm getting a bit of chaos. Where is she? She's off the bed? You're looking up to bed. Come down to me. Come down. I don't move the fingers.

You move to the fingers. Hand you done, Val. Now go and wash it off on some fruit. Bastard. Something that I'm good. If I'm good, that's something I like doing it.

I can't think if anything I'm good at that I don't like doing. because if I'm good at it I've put time into being good at it I imagine I tell you what I actually am quite good at that I hate doing tidying like I am good at you've just never shown anyone

no if I'm in the mood I hate you I'm really annoyed you're a shit hot tidier are you because I've spent six years this is Adam This is Adam when we're all like putting a shift in Thailand. He's like, fucking hell.

I don't know what goes where. Fucking, do you want this? There you go. Get a coffee. It's not wrong, is he? That's because I don't like doing it. But if I helped you, it'd be fucking done in no time.

Well, you have weaponised that incompetence so wonderfully. On Monday, we had a tidy and you were flying back. And I was like, thank fuck he's flying back. It's better that you're not here. And then you were like, I feel bad because I wasn't here. I was like, no, it's fine. Don't worry about it.

We got on with it. I want that. Turns out, we've got... Agie. It can be. She's dead. Is it? No, Agi's not dead, I don't think.

Was it Kim and Agi? Yeah. Yeah, but I don't know which one was the tidier and which one was the, like, the cleaning. They were both, both. Oh, that's a job. I'd sort of hate to do, but love to do. Go into a hoarder's fucking dirty whole of a house.

You'd love that. Oh. Ben, Ben. You go in and just set all on fire and go clean dead. I would release, have you ever seen, when they're ratting, and they release like a little dog, like a terrier? And the terrier's like, just came here and fuck up rats. And like, it's not a playful dog in any way.

And then they just get, no, that'd be Laura at the door. She'd go in a weird mood and she'd be like there with marigolds on, like, all of a tism set off and she'd just have to attack it. I'd love to watch that. I think mine's organising then, because I like organising, but I'm not fucking doing it. That's what I mean? when I've organised

I'm like wow I feel great if I get like the ADHD like random every 18 months interest in tidy in my house are the level of organising the way I'll fold me fucking jumpers and that and make them all

it's class but I just can't be ass with it but I'll never do it again cleaning out the garage and reordering it is such a dickhead of a job but every time I do it you're good

you're good at it but you don't want to do it you know what I'd love to do on a nice sunny day I'm never going to do can't be asked, is pull everything out, do a tip trip, and get some of that garage paint for the floor. Like, you know, you know, when they do, like, body shop stuff, like the body shop stuff where they're like, you know,

the TV shows were like, oh, we got this banged out car. And then we just, like, we've got, like, high-end mechanics and we fucking souped it up. The floor's always, like, shiny grey. Oh, I would love to do that. You're not doing that. Just can't be fucking arsed. No.

Tomorrow, I'm spending the day. First of all, sort of me back out now, because there's like some leftover like work materials from when I had stuff done out there. It's like wood and some brick slips from the walls and that. I need to sort me backguard and I'll get it dog ready. And then I need to sort the rest of the househouse and get it dog ready.

That's tomorrow. And I am excited for that. And it's gonna look fucking sick. Um. Got the shit man coming. Is that, is that a drug dealer? Is that a drug dealer?

Oh, right. Shit man or shipman? Shit. Oh. Is it bulky bob? Or just a scrap? No, he's just a, he's just a smack head about a. What does he do with it?

He's doing more for himself, that's nice. You know what? I fucking love Smack, but I'm not losing my licence for no one. Did you ever give you stuff to the Scrap Man Dan? Well, that's on it like a bar. Scrap Man, scrap man down? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sometimes they won't take it. Scrap Gaze, it's not Scrap Gaze. As we say, get, and it got mixed. Scrap metal, he drives around, shouting that. Do they? Oh, scrap metal. Run, Ringgo, there's a bomb. Is that the South Levenville?

Scrap Man. Have you gone to near Loo? aluminum or copper, maybe some precious metals. That's how posh South Liverpool is. How long have you had that? How long have you had that accent? Silver. Silver gold, frankincense and myrr.

Has anyone given anything out? That's really good, South Liverpool. Of like an age, 60 plus. Six years. The Beatles, help. One ring old. There's a bomb. There's a bar.

You sound more walking. Yeah, it went a bit walking. There's a bar. I would love an egg with scrap man. bring out your aluminum has anyone got any tungsten do you see you sound like Sillablax fella

there isn't one by ours if you live there's one by my mum's in West Arby and he just drives out and going hey metal in there we've just got some travellers right oh jean tongueston

bring out Take polycarbonate. It's quite worthy, isn't it? Yeah, but that's the nature of the game, isn't it? What, would the ice cream man show done? Truffles! Truffles! Truffles! Truffles! What the fuck?

As in mushrooms, aren't you? Savory? Yeah, yeah, it's a different type of ice cream, man. That's how posh it is. What? Nicarbock a glories. No, break. Just go off. No. No. Tacco on barrito.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Dan versus food. Dan is a 63-year-old man with food phobias. What's that mean? I think people call it Afrid. That's what we keep getting as a comment on the clips. Oh, it's called Afrid. We're not asked. He's a shit house and he doesn't like Scran.

Okay? So today, for the first time ever, Dan is going to try a quesadilla and a burrito. Mexican food. How do you feel about that? Yes, well, bueno, no. That's good. But bueno's good.

Would you like to start with the cassadilla or the burrito. Do you know the difference? I mean, that looks like a fucking pizza. Oh, no, it doesn't. Oh, no, it's not. I'd start with the case of here. It's basically like a cheese toasty, Dan.

Yeah, look, yeah, I'll open it for you. I can do that bit. I don't like food. I know how to open boxes. So, Dan, that is my favorite food. This is going to be a nice little dip for it as well. That's my favorite food in the world. That goes there.

No, no, no, no. What you've done there is? You've not said what the dip is. You can't just open a dip. You can't finger someone else's dip. He's fingered my dip. Is he? that's salsa

is it I don't believe you it's got a kick to her um boys you've just been to collect the food can you tell me what's on the cassidia or should we not tell them everyone tell them we'll tell them afterwards

we got this from tortilla tortilla from big shout out to Amy Amy wonderful lady's there who sort of does it's a Mexican cheesy buddy so you're gonna have one big bite

and then you're gonna have a dip and then have another bite oh you love hidden surprises don't you a bit of onion there can see it There's no one you know. That just was an onion. Well, there's something that is masquerading as onion in my quesadilla.

Send them back. Ready? Big bite. Big bite. The other side, please. You're about to bite, heaven. The sweaty side. Thanks, Adam.

Oh, you're a bite about heaven. Finger my dip. Cazadea. That was a big bite. That was a big bite. Well done. Thank you. And look, he's not gagging.

Oh, he is gagging. Don't too soon. Dan, that is just a chicken. casadier. It's just chicken, cheese, a little bit of spice, toasted. Right. I have a dick now. It's just a dead busy cheese toast, yeah. Yeah. It's a meaty cheese toasty.

I'm just going to have a little taste. That must taste at home. You only ate cheese toasties for about 16 years. I was raised in Paraguay. Yeah. Whoa. That's class. That is. Oh, I get it away from me because I'm going to want to eat it. I've got a salad in the fridge. That's a naughty salsa that. What do you think, then? That's pretty bloody nice. Yes. Can you see yourself eating that again?

What? Cheese toasted that I've had all my life. No, no, no, no. Specifically that. That's the caesadier. Yeah, maybe. Or ques that was in now? No, yeah. It's cool. No, yeah. Why can you tell them what's in it? There's a little bit of sweet corner strapped out there.

I was so good. I didn't know about that. It is literally just chicken, cheese. A... A... A onion. A bit of onion. A bit of onion. A bit of a spicy sauce. A bit of sweet corn, some peppers. Yep.

All the good stuff. Okay. I'll admit the Mexicans are nailing that. Well done. This is the busiest burrito you've ever seen in your life. We'll say a busy burrito. Yeah. Burritos are busy.

Amy really struggled to close this. Yeah. This is a busy boy. Think of like spaghetti junction, but it's a burrito. Right. Looks heavy. Benito Junction. It's also going to be soggy is what they warned us.

It's a soggy barretto. What do we put in it? Every. Well, Adam can't get in it. Do you know when you go to a burrito gaff and they go like, what do you want in it? We said yes. We said yes.

Oh, I don't. I've never done that. And I'd never do that in any establishment. That was more for the listener. Oh, right. But also, dad, the yes is all the good stuff. Oh, God. That looks normal.

Guys. Oh, I'm so triggered. Oh, it's, the weight of that. That is your daily allowance of food. I could use that as security at home. If there's a burglar, just fucking lamping with the burrito.

I think you're going to need a big bite of this one again. I can't. I've only got so much mouth. Get your jar owners. Make like you're mad and get it in your gob. Every time you say that. You're going to love this. It's going to love it.

There's too many variables here. Do you want to know what's in it before you bite it? No, he definitely does not. He definitely. doesn't want to know. Royston beans and... Royston. Riceon.

Royston drents, isn't it? You've got to get the whole burrito in or you won't get all of the stuff. That's true. It's either two bites or one big one. And away from the microphone so we can Photoshop it. Not a fucking Anaconda. Get the whole thing in.

All of it. Good boy. Take another big bite out of it. You've got to take the sides as well because you've missed the side bits. You've missed. Fuck off. Great first date, scorn.

Yeah, it is a messy boy. Oh, yeah. loves it. Look at him. And this bit. Take that corner off as well. Oh, it's too white. No.

It's too, it's cheese. It's rice. Got to get the stuff. It's cheese and rice. What was the bead we put in? Come on. Get it down you. Oh.

They trickle down your throat. Oh, you are a bad person. You're doing that on purpose. So, Dan, this is a vegan burrito. Why the fuck have you done that? Because he likes meat. Whereas Pinto, beans, he's not as keen on.

Pinto beans? You get Pinto beans in a meaty one? No, so it's Pinto beans and their vegan paste. And it's amazing because it's so heavy. You just have to eat a fifth of it. You don't know what's done for calories for two days. Do you want to know what's in it, Dan? Go on. So we've got

sweet corn salsa, which is sweet corn, onion and some cucumber. He's going back for more, by the way. The Piesta Resistance, which I reckon if we'd said this before, you wouldn't have eaten it, which is fermented purple carrots. Carrot nonses. What are you doing is carrots?

Yalapino. Jalapeno. Onion and coriander. Pickled onion. Gwacamole. Pico de gallo. Salsa. Sour cream.

Pinto beans. Grill veg. Black beans and coriander rice. Anyway, he's just chomping away. It's just good. stuff together in a little sleeping bag.

Can you taste a fermented purple carrots? Yeah, I'm in a yeah, I'm in a, yeah, I wish you'd not tell me about that. You are,

it's all right. Do you know what fermented means? No. I think it'd help you if you knew, you know, because it makes it sound

yeah. Makes it sound like something you do to fish that, doesn't it? It's not like demented. Femented just

means like left for a bit in stuff. Yeah. Oh, it sounds great. Give me some that fucking cheese toastly talking about it. He's an absolute Mexican,

are I Mexican? El Mancho died this week. Maybe you're the new guy. You're El Mention. Okay, I'm going to give it the scores. The ques idea. Yes. 8 out of 10.

Wow. He loves it. What about on the Dan usual food scale? That is on that, isn't it? Six. I think it always take about two off. That's nice, you know. That's decent.

The burrito? That's a busy fat bitch and I wouldn't buy it. Okay. Interesting. What will you give it out of ten? There's too many things happening. You didn't getp though and you ate a lot of it. That's going to be at least a seven in terms of on the, this is one of the only times you've not asked for the bin. Seven. Wow. But in my actual food world. Four. Four. Oh. We were, we thought that was going to really scare you. So, Dan, normally, he's in a good mood today.

You've bullied me into to be embraced. When we eventually go to Mexico It's that Caritas and tequila And what more would you want? A toilet Are you ready, Dan? They've got toilets in Mexico

Let's get ourselves there Yeah, especially this week Seems like a fun place to be Oh yeah, that is bad thing happening there, isn't it? But you don't you want to be there When the big shit's happening? Yeah, yeah, people are getting skinned Oh, are they?

I just thought they were like blowing up cars in there No, they are. No, the cartel have gone absolutely insane. They're killing all... But don't worry about it. I thought they were just making a hoo-hoo. I'll take this... I'll take this burrito as self-defense.

That's a woo-woo. Yeah, I'll take a woo-woo and this four-kilogram burrito. I'll hide in the burrito. They'll never find it. They'll be like, burn the burrito. El Meno died, who was the new richer than Pablo. I mean, he would... You know, obviously with inflation, probably not.

But he was the new Giza. And now he's dead. Five billion he was worth. Do you know rats were eating six million pounds worth of Pablo Escobar's money every week? Can I just say, I think we've strayed a little far off the Dan versus food. I'm just like a Mexican flavor. I don't think we strayed too far. No.

It is a natural way to go. Mexican food into rats eating. I can't believe you're just eating that of your own free will. I'm so proud of. I think he's hungry, you know. I sort of forgot that I bit that then. I was thinking about the cartel. As a little gift from Amy a tortilla,

she has also given you a bag of deconstructed nachos for you to make it yourself. Just loads of wheat. Just a bag of wheat. What does these I'm trying to do with me? Not made yet. It's all the ingredients. Yeah, yeah. You have nachos for your lunch.

Oh, I'm fucking sick. Thanks, Amy. That concludes this week's episode of Dan versus Food. We'll be back right after this commercial break with Finn Taylor. My beer. Ladies and gents, the one and only, Finn Taylor's here. How are we? Good.

Fine. Dan asked you a question before we started. Do you want to repeat your question? Because I told you not to answer. Well, I just, you're on the couch looking like a young Italian entrepreneur that's trying to buy Sampdoria. And I was like, is he so specific? I think it's the pop of that blue as well.

And I was like, is he somewhere around the Adriatic. This is my great skill and why I'm able to, so far, get away with so many accents. is that I have a sort of ethnically ambiguous look in that I reckon from, well, Latin America could definitely pass. All the way going east, I'd say you probably get to like Iran. Yeah. Mongolia's tough. No.

I think I think maybe a hungover Mongolian. No, if I'm hungover and maybe. If I've been in the fight or I'm hungover, over, maybe a Mongolian would go, oh yeah, he's from wherever, I don't know. Yeah, so. Mongolia.

That bit by the lake. I mean, they have one city, don't they? I don't know, fucking know. Do they? Yeah, it's a huge landmass. But does it move? No, I don't know. Oh, they're not nomadic anymore. They were at one time. Famously, they were quite in Madrid.

What's the capital of Mongolia? It's not Mongolia. It's not Mong. It's not like Mexico. They're like Mexico. Oh, Brazil. Yeah. It's not Hmong city. It should be. What is it? Ulan Bata.

Oh, it is. Say it again? Ulan Bata. Ulan Bata. There you go. It was named by the... Do you have... But also, sorry, I should say

that north to south, I think I could probably get to... Tunis. I'd say, I'd say Sudan. Yeah, you're not going to... Would you? That's the... That's when I crossed the border from Egypt to Sudan, and they go, well, you're not from here.

Hang on. Yeah, yeah. I put a fez on. and I'm on a camel. I'm not getting a second look, am I in Egypt? No. Maybe.

Quite, yeah. But also I think... He could be a light skinned Egyptian. My friend. I'm not going to stop him. My friend. If he told you, he could get you up the top of the pyramids

for a few hundred euros, you'd take it? Yeah. I'd be like, you know, like, you're in the corner of an Irish pub and I've got some foregone stories. You'd be like, yeah. You look a bit like John Lynn as well,

but if you could do a big... I keep my mouth shut. My opinion's to myself. I could be from anywhere. You struggle on with that, though, aren't you? Famously, I'm quite bad at that. The cat's out of the bag.

Do you have like a playing ethnicity's on your acting thing? Or you're not interested in acting? I'm not interested in acting. But yeah, I think I have been, I could probably go for, I don't know. Oh, it is a hell of a thing to have. Like, I can play, you know, Western Mongolian on a bad day. Yeah. And also, easily a medieval king of England.

Yeah. You'd make a phenomenal Henry. We've got you in an audition, mate. It is for a Western Mongolian. So if you could just go on the ale tonight. Just get fucking battered. Yeah. But then my playing age will be older.

Yeah. Is it a little like a young Mongolian? Yeah. Because I have to look like a fucked Mongolian. Like an alcoholic Mongolian. Where's that film? Who's making that film? Come on, where's Anderson.

It would be a way of the film. The fuck's Mongolian. I can't think of a, a, a less Wade Anderson style performer than me. I think you'll never see me. I mean, I have been,

I've told the story of my pod, but I have been, I was in, I recorded a scene in the Tomb Raider that got maybe the Lysia Vikanda like eight years ago. And I got, I was at,

was it Kilkenny maybe? I was at the festival and then I got a call from my then agent being like, we've got you this mad gig in the Lissia Vikanda, Tomb Raider film because they've got to the end of the shoot

and they've realized that they had a scene they'd cut before they started shooting, they need to put back in. So they haven't cast it. And they were looking for someone who looks like they could live in a sort of warehouse in Shoreditch in East London and can improvise because we don't have any lines for it. So I got it and then I got, you know,

flown to a film set, trailer. In like five in the morning, they're like, what do you want for breakfast? And I'm like, what have you got? And they go everything. And then I panic and I get like salmon and chocolate croissant and horrible. I eat like an emperor.

I'm too many choices. I'll have all of it. Have you ever been really hung over at a service station and you think, do you know what? I'm going to try outside and then you get like sushi, some mango and a bounty and you think, I fuck this. I completely fuck this.

It was horrible. Why didn't I get a Coronation chicken sandwich and a snickers? Anyway. And yeah, and then I did that I had to do the scene with Alicia Vikanda where she was coming back from So in this installment of two maids,

she is a delivery driver before she becomes Lara Croft. And she... This film definitely got made. I'm not having... I was cut out of it. But in this scene, she lives in like an East London house share and she's on a bike or she's some kind of... I don't know.

Anyway, she comes back into the warehouse with her bike or broken. I think she's like one of them... I think she's a courier. Maybe she's a courier, right. You have to get across the city, on a bike. Yes. And she comes back on her bike's broken.

And my line is, and she's covering green paint. And my line is like, oh, Lara, what? And then she cuts me off. And that's my line.

And then the final take of the day, we did this like 50 times with actors who are the most boring self-obsessed people in the world. Yeah, and they were just constantly, like they were so jealous that I had two,

like a third of a line. They were like, fuck man, she's got the fucking line. And I had a trader and they didn't. And I got all the salmon and they didn't. They had to walk to like, they had to walk like,

five miles from the station and I got like flown from, anyway, they were so bitter about this. And then they were like, okay, final take of the day, just you're a comedian, say something funny, give us a different option. So she comes in, covering green paint and I say to Elizabethiccanda, oh, Lara, what are you been doing,

sucking off the hole? And then the director goes cut, we obviously can't use that. And then the bell rings, they're like, right, that's the end of the day. And then I get like led away from Lissy Vecanda. No more salmon for you. Right, done, get him off, get him off. And then I got sent in the poster like a Lara Croft crew, like cap,

which was, and then I got cut from the film. So that was the only proof that I had a bit. And then I was doing New Zealand Comedy Festival. I was on a ferry between two islands. You get a cap like you play for England. Yeah, like a two-maidicap. You got a David Nugent. You got one.

Yeah, I'm the David Nugent of Hollywood. I got one cap. And then I was on a ferry in New Zealand, and it blew off into just the Pacific Ocean. And now I had, now that's all I have is that story. And so you just have to take my... be a little dolphin going around with it though. Are you saying he was in the film?

Yeah. They're rebooting it? You could be in the new one. They're doing it again? Yeah. Someone from Game of Thrones. Sophie, something. Yeah.

She's first actually. Let's see. One of the Stark sisters. She's a redhead. Sansa? She's a ginger Lara Croft. Sansa Star. It's class.

They've made Lara Croft ginger now, have they? Yeah. That's where they're going. It is. Sophie Turner. Sansa Stark. Yeah. That'd be the big sub story for that film.

What's, so, it's a silly. Black James Bond, ginger Lara Croft. We get it, Hollywood. We get it. You still get paid of your cut and stuff. Yeah, yeah, you get paid for the day. Yeah. But like, like, I didn't, I didn't ask for a percentage of the film.

Did you, did you know you were cut before it came out? Wait, 1% of box office, please, for being Laura Cross Flatmate 1. Did you know you were cut before you, before the film came out? Or did you go to, like, the premiere? No, no, no, I didn't even get, I didn't even get near that. They just sent me a cap when, thanks. Thanks. Right, okay.

Similar to how David Nugent got his sad. Do you think, right, thanks for try. but you know do you think maybe you were put on this earth to create your own stuff that you love and also get asked

to do other stuff and just be a one and done ruin it like you did with the NFL and Lonerkov does seem that way doesn't it does seem like the only success

I have is when I've started it is a risk but we think might be really good for this it's a perfect business model though isn't it

secure your income with the internet and then go and ruin other people's projects just turn up and just mayhem ensues yeah

but yeah I haven't been asked do many other things. Did the NFL ask you back? No. That was one of the best things I've ever watched. No. And the producer has,

doesn't work there anymore, funnily enough. Oh really? Yeah. Not the producer who was like, let's get him in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They fire him for that.

Yeah, she moved on, funny that. But, uh, it was funny though. Yeah. Like, that was before you, we, like, I knew you, like I knew you, but that is one of the funniest things I've ever seen.

Yeah. That was long after he was, yeah. I've been here and talked about it. Was it? Yeah. Yeah. And we've spoke about it on this.

I'm getting deja vu because I think I was, I mean, I can't remember the last time. I'm thinking about the other thing when he was the cameraman. I don't think I've seen, I don't think I've seen you. I don't think you were here last time.

I missed the last one. But then I don't think I've been here since, I can't remember last time I said. Maybe was it when trust resigned? I think I was here when trust resigned. Yeah, didn't you go to school with her episode? No, I went to school with her speech writer who pooed himself in the library.

Yes. That was it. That was the last time I was here. August 2024, you were here. There you, fuck. Fuck. It's 26. We've actually just done, you know, when you're watching a series and it goes

previously, we've just done that for the podcasts previously on Have a Word. It's been a fucking hell of an 18 months though. I've got a lot going on. Yeah. Because you've got the Finn versus the internet thing, which was already flying last time, you were in, I think. And that's gone to a whole other level. But then the history podcast with Horatio.

Yeah. That's, you've tapped into a niche market, and I think you are slowly closing in on our Patreon numbers. Not that's slow. It ain't slow. If we're going to get overtaken as the biggest patron in the UK, I couldn't think of a better person. That's great. That's very generous. If you could get cancelled in the next two weeks,

that would also be class. I mean, every time we're rolling the dice. I'm amazed it's gone this far, frankly. Where did the idea for the history thing come from? You just both into it and thought, let's give this a go. You get ideas on, man. Hey what? Where'd you get your ideas from?

No question. we've been doing a podcast for six years where do you get your ideas from is the... Carl asked that question with all sincerity to Josh Pugh-1. You've just asked it

with all sincerity? No, I haven't. I didn't say where you get your ideas from I specifically asked what prompted the idea to do a history podcast. You said to Josh Pugh,

Josh, where do you get your ideas from one? And you meant it. Pertinent question. To be fair, Horatia said that to James Buckley from the Inbetweeners unironically without... I think you always have to point it out

and go, you can't, you can't, You can't ask someone that. It's not all right. After that, just tells you you, you come with your heel, I was growing up and then we'll be boxed.

Fine. Because every now and then, we'll do like a history section on this show. And it's because Dan loves it. Are you into history? Yeah, massively. He loves it. Oh, fuck.

We need to get you on. What, um, what bit? What's your, what's your, what's your poison? He loves, him,

then he doesn't shut off. I can't, the word history cannot be said on this podcast without them going, Henry the 8th. We talked about the history of buttons. And I was like, well, Henry the 8th didn't have buttons.

No, we didn't have a zip. I knew he only had buttons. But this is very, this is, yeah, I do. I enjoy it. Clearly people who never got past GCSE level. Oh, yeah, 100%. If you were just talking about Henry the 8th, the last thing you remember doing.

I didn't even do history at GCSC.S.E. I did it up until year 9. Right. Like, Henry the 8th is like my, I don't know what they call it. It's like my fixed points in time and everything revolves. He's the, he's like the center of my solar system. The big tree in Mongolia, which is the only thing they, well, I'll meet you there.

I'm meeting a Henry the Eighth. You tell me which way you want to go and then I can figure it out from there. Is your James Bond, Henry the Eighth for history? Yeah, yeah. My James Bond and my doctor do is Henry Day. It's very, very funny how, like, he is the root cause of so many, like, present day problems.

And it's all, like, he, the reason we're, or I'm Protestant or this country is Church of England, Protestant, is because he wanted to get to divorce his wife and fuck someone else. Yeah. And because a fat guy had a bird, owner 500 years ago, that's why the Northern Irish troubles exist. That is very funny.

Just because Ambulin wouldn't fuck him. Yeah, exactly. She was like, I need a ring on it. And the beheadens have basically become London's knifecrown. Exactly. And then, you know, Manchester has a new next. Like, that's the, that's what I love about history. And so...

Thank you, Henry. Do you know what I mean? It's just fascinating how, how basically the root cause of all of that is because he, You know, we're not, like, the reformations all happens in Germany. And then he's just like, yeah, yeah, if that's what it takes. And within his lifetime, as he started ailing, he was like, yeah, I know I said that, but I'm a few wives down the line. And I do like a lot of this stuff from the church, really.

He wasn't a proper reformist. Like, he totally, like, he was transactional. Didn't he just see a painting as well? He just wants a knob to painting. He was? He saw a painting, didn't he? Yes, he got, he got marked off. Anne of Cleaves.

Yeah. So are you into... Ann of Cleaves. Is Tudor your big... That's your... I like a bit of Tudor. I'm getting into Plantagenet, 100 years war...

I've just read a book on the War of the Roses. Because what happens if you're into history, Henry VIII has been done at school, and then obviously Wolf Hall is massive. And it's all... The Tudor era, all of the 16th century, is like the hits of English history. When's Egypt?

A couple of years. before that. Clearbatts. Goes Egypt, Jesus, Henry the 8th, Hitler. Where was Caesar? I mean, you're not wrong. And basically,

the only reason we're catching up your patrons because that's essentially what we say. Every other thing. Egypt was another big, like, in school, because I did actually really love history at school, but I just never carried it on. I never felt like I was good enough at it

because it was like sort of, I think it's sort of on the English side of school, isn't it, and not the math side? But it's all... I mean by that? Like all the sciences are the matte side. It's BSE, BA. Yeah, but it's also, like, there's right answers with history.

It's dates and stuff, so it's kind of leaning into yours. It goes, well, well, you say that, as you progress past GCCC level, not to patronise. That's right. I am going to sexually enjoy what Alphi, what Finn's going to say. There you go. That was a funny step for Alfie. It's because he admitted he wanted to fuck a man. But also, this is where my ethnicity, ambiguity comes in hands.

How to patronise you, please, my Finn, please. is that you start to get, then people start arguing about why something happened and what the root causes were and how much you should attribute causality to one aspect of something. And then it becomes more, as you get closer to our age,

becomes more and more politically contested. Like people start arguing for certain things because of how they feel now politically. And so they start revising history through what's expedient to them to think now in today's world. Yeah. So I just, yeah, I mean, I did a degree history.

Well, what I say about history is going to make you want to pull your arms off and throw them at me busy. There are people who listen to our podcast who comment that every week. I don't... This is going to... It happens, probably. But I cannot...

What are we talking about, Carl? I'm listening. You feel less... You feel less comfortable being a moron in front of Finn Taylor than you do with me. With you, when it's me, it's like, yeah, there's no pictures. It can all go fuck itself. What I'm saying is if I can't, if there's no proof, definitive proof, I struggle to say. I'll send you some books, mate.

There's definitely. But that's just someone's story of when they were there. What Carl's saying is like everyone says. Are you talking about the Holocaust or am I putting that? Yeah, put that on me both. He's not talking about the Holocaust. I think he's almost certain that's all, you know. But like Henry the Eighth times in Egypt, he's just like.

He's like, history. That is wild what you just said. History starts out of the Suffragette. That's when the world starts. I'd say that's when the West collapses. I was thinking this. I've just started gigging again, right, the last couple of weeks. And there was a woman in the front row of the night,

and she had this fucking massive sippy cup. You know, the girls. Yeah, Stanley. I'm just like, what would the suffragettes think of that? Having to be reminded to drink water. Fucking idiot. And it's got those things saying, oh, you're nearly there.

Well done. Halfway through your allowance of water. Fucking hell. Without it, without the encouragement, she'd just be a dry husk. She'd be a raisin just like that. No.

But you know what I think? Like, apparently he loved chicken and that and like banquets. That is just because someone wrote that down. They could have lied. Yeah. And this is,

you're getting into it now. You're getting into the arguments. Tens of thousands of, of, of journals, court records, letters. Yeah, but I think Carl's point is, like, so let's say there is 10,000 journals.

Let's just take that number as, like, right. Let's say there's 10,000 journals. The Henry VIII Banquets. How many of the people who wrote them watched them eat it, and how many of them read the one guy who said it, and then was like, I'm going to copy that. Do you what I mean? How many, like the first fellow who wrote down,

oh, he loves a fucking turkey leg and some gammon. Oh, you ever wrote that? There's one person there going, hey, everyone, turkey legs! And then there's 10,000 people going, I'm writing with me, diary. thousands of people at these banquets over the course of

there's no way the King was having thousands of people down to tea they all know he had goat sorry are you a banquet denier that we're here again with me too I bring it out in people Sam your peepes you any buried that in the garden

don't ask why who was he again can you find London yeah you wrote a diary that's become a sort of a prism to which you get a sense of what life was like in what was it 17th century London

that. But I don't know why that's... 1680 something. Again, that was massive in school. That's Chinese New Year, then with Yef, that's all I learned. And charged as a Leipa Game. Chinese New Year isn't history. That's not history.

Thank you, it is. World Book Day. A Book Day. Chinese New Year was like a six-month term in school. Now, if you're dressing up, if you're dressing up for World Book Day as Chinese New Year, I'm shaking you around.

That's a bold gamble. You're going to school, going, I'm dressed as Confucius, actually. Kungay Fat Choy, man. It means happy New Year in Chinese. Great player. You know that? There you go.

What did you say? He knows that. He knows that. He knows. It was a massive thing, and there was dragons all over the school. Are you sure this was in history? Are you sure they were doing Chinese New Year in history? Religious studies?

I mean, my daughter's just started school, and they've just done something about Chinese New Year. And she's four. They get them in early. I think that's just because they go back after Christmas and there's still like a holiday thing to learn about. But I know nothing. about, I was talking nothing

about the troubles in Ireland, which is over there. I'm, Seneca's family from, I know so much, well, I forgot it now, about Chinese New Year. No, I don't think you did. I think they just went, I think once a year they went Chinese New Year and this, this is the year. Come on, everyone, we're making lanterns.

I want to know about the Troublesmith. It was like a big campaign. No, it was like, Carl, I remember it as well. It was a week and we learned nothing. They just went, it's Chinese New Year, it's Year to the Pelican, all draw the Pelican, put a Chinese Atolls That on here. Was a pelican in the race?

I don't think there's a pelican. I'm not sure the pelican was in the race. But also, I don't think, you know, when you're teaching kids this stuff, it is a, yeah, it's like a reason to do an art project. If you were teaching them the troubles, then right, let's make a car bomb. Do you know what, I mean, it's like.

I tell you what, no, and I swear, I swear to God, I swear to God on my mother's grave, this is true. I think it's not. In R.A. No, in year, I want to say eight, might have been seven, year eight. in our class we all painted 9-11

yeah we did it was part of it we painted like the wasn't it R&E I thought it was R&O whoa whoa sorry what lesson in RRD is that

the one after where there's a love by black high piece oh yeah that was a thing as well we had a full lesson on where there's love by the black IPs in R&E and then we did 9-11

no 9-11 was art or DT we did Where is the love by the black IPs was that on the curriculum it must have been. They told us a prayer.

On the curriculum. Right next to 9-11. Yeah. Which is important. 9-11 was in art. Isn't that mad? They got kids. We drew the Twin Towers on fire.

It's state school stuff, really, from my perspective. Where is the love and then drawing 9-11? Well, I remember. That's a teacher that lives off against us pasties. Isn't it going, fuck it.

Today you just draw it. Draw what you see. I don't fucking know. Draw the planes going in. I remember. We did. It was on the day. See, if you remember this.

Because I predicted this. What do you know? Yeah, when was this? In 1990s. Yeah, we're not like off heels. It's on the 10th of September. I remember specifically our teacher saying the thing, obviously, it was 9-11 was a tragedy.

However, it did give us some of the most incredible pictures of all time. Yeah. And we're going to paint them. Swings in roundabouts. Yeah. That's what she's. Yeah.

She's not wrong, is she? The fallen man, very famous picture. So hang on. So how are you, what, you're like 11, 12 at this point? 34 yesterday. No, no, no. Happy birthday. I thought he meant now.

Yeah. Yeah, 2000. Probably like 13. Yeah, 13. So, you know, I mean, Mohammed Atta's not really, he's not cold yet. He found his passport on the camera.

I mean, he was hot for a while. I guess. That was a fucking intense way to go. But, you know, you're, what, a year, two years or afterwards? A very most, yeah. Wow. It's quite a... Is it a tribute?

No, I do remember drawing fire, though, because she was like, yeah, the colours of the day and stuff, like the blue sky and stuff. I mean, they didn't want you to forget. So if you put the pictures on the wall, that's... No, that is true. Yeah. I think it was a tribute. I don't think it was just like a...

I think it was like to Mark the anniversary. I think we did it on 9-11. Was anyone doing like a sort of Picasso-esque? Like, Dali, like, was anyone fucking with it? You know what I mean? I did an alternative scene, which was just a load of Al-Qaeda, dancing in a cave, celebrating. Yeah.

That was the image I went for instead of the building going down. It was just bin Laden and the boys having a few tequila. Yeah. Just do a Jackson Pollock and go, that's my Hammadatta. A mate of mine did an interpretive dance that was 9-11. Well, that's worse, I think. I can't imagine any way in which that could be remotely moving. Did at any point he do the wings of the plane?

Yeah. If he went, Neu, then that's out. Nobody did like that. What is in for the buildings? Yeah, yeah.

It was to Moby. Porcelain. That is. It's just, I think Interpretive dance really does buckle under the weight of issues like 9-11.

I don't think you can convey the magnitude of it through one bloke dancing. You can even be the best dancer in the world, I don't think. You said before

that a lot of the things that happened today because of Henry the 8th. Can you connect Henry the 8th to 9-11? You can connect his ancestors to 9-11 really easily. How? Well, hang on.

With the Crusades. Yeah. But he's a different line. So, okay, so Wars of the Roses just before Henry the 8th. So the Wars of the Roses ultimately puts Henry the 8th, Dad, Henry the 7th on the throne. So the Wars of the Roses kicks off when ultimately Edward the... Is it third or fourth? Edward the fourth?

Well, no, because he's the lads before that. Henry the 6th. 13 something is Edward the third. Third. He dies and that starts the dispute. Now, he was the end of the whatever line that had started the Crusades in the 12th century, which was the English knights

joining the French and the Germans to go and invade the newly Muslim Holy Land, which had been Christian. That's still not a settled issue, by the way. and then so I guess that is basically

where Islamic fundamentalists get their idea of the apocalypse from currently is the Crusades Yeah, we started the beef

Yeah, we started the beef. Well, a guy called Pope Urban did actually. Oh, Bourbonum. Not Bourbonne.

Pop Urban. Oh, right. That sounds like a skateboard brand. Yes, no. He's not a pimp. He was a pope in 12th century Europe, I think. A pope urban?

Yeah, it's in urban. Like Keith Urban. Yeah. Is in the word urban? He's an urban Pope. He sounds ghosty. Amen. Yeah, that's how he spoke.

Great in a battle wrap. Just watching go. So Henry, the aphers that, yeah, you're not wrong there. I mean, it's, that is was fucking tentative, isn't it? Because you're going back through him. his, but it's his ancestors. And they also, there was like a king of Jerusalem because we were like, it's the Holy Land,

we basically deserve it. So they were fighting, were they the Saracens? Were they the, like, yeah, some point. At some point you got out. Yeah. And everyone is related to Genghis Khan, aren't he? Well, suppose, I mean. Because he fucked.

Yes. Yep. No wonder, do you look, Mongolian. I know, exactly. That's why, if I have 10 pikes. I can pass as Mongolian because I've got that Genghis Khan DNA in me. But this is all...

But this is all history that I would consider girl history. No offence. There's the early modern, the Wars of the Roses, that's kind of like medieval soap opera at reality TV. It's competing houses.

I'm much more into late 19th century onwards, naughty science. That's what I find the funniest, most interesting, is like Charles Darwin, evolution, right, and then his cousin,

a guy called Francis Galton, goes, oh yeah, I hear what you're saying about how those finches are related. I reckon we should forcibly sterilise people who are disabled. And Charles is like, sorry, what, where have you got that? And the jump

that people make off the back of Darwinism ultimately leads to the Nazis. But the late half of the 19th century, there's some crazy stuff going around. I mean, human zoos, do you know what? Have you known about that? What?

So. Are they in Japan? Hey? They weren't in Japan. If they were, nowadays, they would be. I mean, anything goes in Japan, it seems. But this is, um, you've just been? No, like you said, Japanese zoos are just horrendous.

Oh, right. Okay. Barely sad. I don't think they'll be as bad as what I'm about to say. So in the, in the aftermath of Darwin's discovery, and people start, me, this is all in the, in the, with the context that everyone, thinks people are trying to understand why like white people are different to Africans and the people that they're colonising and so they they are

thinking okay is well obviously we're colonized them in them because we're better and we deserve to be in charge of them because we're better right so what they they end slavery or they try to and then but but having done that and then go well what what we'll do is we will show the native the European home populations, what the Africans look like. And so they basically make human zoos of all the indigenous populations. In this country, in Paris, Brussels, they have like, you know, black people behind bars essentially just like a zoo exhibits. I mean, this is probably about 130 years ago. It's very, very recent, really. So what were the Japanese zoos like? Were they...

There was a wall of us in a really small room. No, that is sad. That is really, that is really sad. To be fair, that is very sad. A war would have should not be. small one. No. It's different. I mean, it just, it's so, was there, or the national,

was it, you say, like, so they'd have a different part of the zoo for different kinds of people or is there only? Well,

you know, is the war was in a, in a cage with a parrot? No. I don't know. Anyway. Well, they dragged them back,

didn't they? Wherever they went conquering, they dragged a selection of things to show. Like, like Queen Elizabeth would have had

every time, like, was it bacon? Who is, who is, who is, it, Drake?

Who was her pirate? Dr. Dr. Drake, it was Drake. Would just come back and go, Hey,

I've been over here and it was mad. Look at these monkeys. I brought a couple of monkeys back. I mean, we brought 10 monkeys back, but eight of them died in transit. Yeah.

And then we've also got, like, like an ostrich. And then they'd go, and also, We've got the king of the people as well, and he'd just wander out. And they'd just do a little mini zoo for Queen Elizabeth.

And she'd just sit there going, where have you been? It's mad. I've got the royal family from where I'm from, and they're all here looking knackard, and some potatoes. And we'd just do like a... And they were like, okay, put the Royal family in the bin,

but let's have a go in that potato. That sounds absolutely amazing. And this is Drey. Francis Drake. Francis Drey. Right. And Bacon? Who is Bacon?

Kevin. There was Francis Bacon as well, as well, wasn't there? He was something. I remember him from history, but I don't know what he did. We stopped history in year nine, as you can tell. Yeah, yeah. I did a lot of Chinese New Year, though.

Yeah, you guys were really hot. Is it the year of the, what is it, fire horse? Is that this year? It's the year of the horse. Is it the year of the horse? The year of the rat? The year of the rat? The last year was a firehorse.

No, it's the year of the horse because I watched, it was fucking long as well either day. I watched a TikTok video from a Chinese girl. Sort of having to go up white girls who were into horses, being like, oh my God, it's finally my year. with the Chinese new year, the horse, it's my fucking year.

Right. And she went through the whole history of why that's really offensive. And she made some good points that I can't remember. Offensive to Chinese culture or horses? Sort of everyone. Chinese culture,

Chinese people, Chinese horses. They get along those TikToks. No, that's good stuff. That is good stuff. Nacist, he said. Is there any era that you're excited to do? Like, have you been hanging back on, on Finn versus his history?

Have you got some gold that you're, Is there eras where you're like, all joking aside, I really do, this is like a bit that I absolutely love? Well, whenever we do World War II, it just all the numbers go up and, um, ironically. And, um, and, uh, yeah, I mean, that is, that's the most exciting, uh, it gets, isn't it? I mean, it's like World War II is kind of, it's like a,

it's like a perfect film and the whole world is at it. And it's like, it's the, it's sort of, because it ends with a massive bomb. it's like the perfect done. Yeah, such extremes of evil. Yeah. And then all the allies

being like, we're definitely the good guys. But that's it. You can also, it's probably the last war that was definitively good v. bad from our perspective. But as in, you can say that. You can say there was like the good war. I think that's what the Americans called it

when it came up with a good war. Every other war like Vietnam, Iraq, all that, you know, there's like, it splits the populations going, I don't think this is a just war. or blah, blah, blah, you know. What I was going to say about Chinese New Year, though, is that I think, am I right in thinking that you have, you know, the animals, but then all the animals have an element.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, so it's fire horse. I think this year's fire horse, but I, when you said, I mean, I feel very sorry for a girl born in the year of the rat. The water rat. The wet rat. You're right, it's fire horse. It is fire horse, yeah.

It's a fucking, cool. Yeah, that is cool. And then next year's fire go. Fire go. Oh, you weren't next year, don't you really? Fire gold. It's fireman, Sam, surely. When's the earthy beaver?

Was it a beaver? 2046. Cool. Looking forward to it. But yeah, I mean, I mean, it's a long-running, Horatio's more into the kind of ancient, stees fair into the ancient stuff, which I find quite intangible.

Although interesting, I mean, the Roman stuff is always great. Roman emperors are mad. That's always fun. I imagine it's a perfect niche, though, because it's sort of an unlimited amount of history. You can just keep going back to the Big Bang. Yeah, exactly, yeah. We did do prehistory.

That was quite tough. Prehistory? Yeah, so before, prehistory is like, it's like pre-com. Okay. And in my head, it should have the same amount of shame attached to people who like, but prehistory is, so before,

I guess you'd say before Egypt. So like early human societies, like the sort of monkeys we came from and then that that bit of it. Yeah. Like when you've got Neanderthals. Yeah. And stuff.

Again, that's surely just all guess where, can it? Well, yeah, it is, it is guessing. And what's the most modern

you could do? Well, it's the 90s class. Oh, yeah. I think your series on Liz Truss is going to be great. Oh,

I see some Blair. Yeah. We just did O.J. Simpson trial. That's 95. Fantastic. Yeah. It's mad that, in your head,

you don't consider that history, but it is. Yeah. I don't think it's, down and no. So, you know what I mean, no. So profound. Yeah, because history to me ends at World War II.

If I say, World War II to you, the weird history pops into your head. If I say O.J. Simpson or Ron Goldman. Yeah. Less than Pete. Yeah. Wrong place, wrong time. The financial crisis is 2008. Was that a headline?

No, that's what we called him. Run place, runtime, Goldman. Goldman. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, no, I mean, I, I, I, I, is, It's funny because I did it at uni. It was always the thing I was interested the most at school.

And then you start, stand up and you just sort of forget it. And then it's always like a latent history. And then now it's like I've got people, I've got like people who taught me history at uni being like, oh, yeah, it's great using your degree. I'm like, yeah, I guess I am. I mean, I deny the Holocaust every week on camera. Is that what you mean? What's the level of pedantry with emails pulling you up?

on stuff. Oh, yeah. But we call them the hum actuallys and they so then when they comment they have to go okay, I'm actually I know I'm doing it so, but they can't help themselves. I think it's like a yeah, it's a tisomed up crowd really, isn't it? Yeah, I mean, we get it on

this. Like, we'll talk absolute bollocks for four hours in a week and everything that they don't care about, they just let go and then they're like, well actually there's this little thing about it. Just just so you know, this one little thing is actually, that's actually called a Charleston knot.

Just seeing that. I like to think that they wrestle with it. Just before they comment on YouTube, like, should I? But it's all, it's all, it's all, it's all. The um, actually has won. But it's all for them, as long as they realize, it's just, they can't not do it.

But it's not for anyone. Like, none of us are breeding it or caring. So they've said it. They need to just get it out. It's like a, you know, it's released. They need to go, okay, I've said my pace. Break time? Travel break.

Let's do. Comment in the, break, wherever you want. You're going on tour, Finn. I'm going on tour. Biggest tour yet. Class. Preemptive comeback special.

That's what it's called. Just think it's on, it's been on sale for a while. There's a while to the shows. I'm denying the Holocaust every week. Who knows? By the time it starts, maybe it'll be a comeback.

Class. Finn Taylor dot. Ticketmaster. There you go. Ticketmaster. com. You're in Liverpool on 25th of October in the first of October.

Harmonic Hall. Yes. And more dates are being added with, I know Manchester sold out. We're adding

another Manchester show. Limited availability on all of them. Yeah. We're adding another London Apollo show. We're adding another Manchester show on

9-11. The last Manchester show I did on the last tour was on 9-11. That's a nice little tradition. And also you want to come to the second date because that's when you knew.

He's playing the next. Yeah. Yeah, loads more dates being added. in the autumn. Absolutely wonderful. Have any questions, Connor Michael says.

I was watching some stand-up on Netflix and notice with American stand-up, the crowds cheer and celebrate more as if they're at a political rally. But in the UK, we sort of just laugh as expected. Is this because there is a difference in sense of humours between UK and the USA, or is it the type of comics performing?

Also, which would you prefer, a room full of cheer or a huge laugh? It's a cultural thing, in it? Yeah, yeah. Americans are stupider so they get excited more easily. They do it at sports as well. Whereas when I'm playing T-side, I'm really with my

kind of people. But there is a culture last year. You go out and they're thinking this is going to be great. The comedian's going to be so funny. He's a comedian. He's got to be funny. If you said that, to people you were with here, they'd be like, are you fucking gay? He's going to be awful. I'm funny than him. Fuck him.

I'm going to go and not enjoy this. And then be funnier than him to you. and then I've sex with you. That's what I'm going to do. Like, it's a cultural thing where no one, no British person can accept the person on stage

with lights on them. Oh, who the fuck do you think you are? America's like, yeah, you go. I wonder if it gives you a longer tether the American, like, positivity. Because you're playing to people who know you from the podcast. We're playing to our lids.

Yeah. We got a lot of tether there more than I used to have. But I wonder if in the UK, it's like, oh, I really like him. If he's shit for four minutes, I'm going to turn horrifically. You see when people drop in, they have like two minutes of grace. And then if they don't back it up, people like,

ah, no, I knew he'd be shit. I knew it. It's the pessimism, in it? Yeah, we knew you be shit. That's one of my favourite things. If I'm in London, like, Romero and Spots and I do top secret and, like, a celebrity drops in the middle. Yeah.

And they have, like, scraps of paper with them. And they haven't gigged for two years. They go on to American-style enthusiasm. And a few minutes in the audience, like, oh. Particularly if it's an actor that's not a, standoff. There's someone I'm thinking about in particular who I saw eat a plate of shit at top secret and it was wonderful.

What's it? We'll bleep it. bleep it. I was going to say, I've seen the same thing. Yeah. I'm not who bleep in mine. Sarah Silverman, the biggest bag of dicks I've ever seen on the boat and she got annoyed. She started having a go at them.

Then started having to go at us. But she's phenomenal. We just, yeah, she was, I've had some ideas for stand up. Fuck, I want a gig. find me a gig and they obviously just her agent text around and they were like

there's one on a boat the boat is basically a jonglers on the river and they were lively they weren't a crap crowd aqua jonglers and she walked up and she just

I think I'm doing it this weekend fuck but you could tell she just had the thoughts and not even like she was like working through you know what a new material like when someone was like do you know what else I was sort of

thinking about and they I'm there right now They turned horrifically. It was so fun. Yeah, but also, I think in, again, in America. She's great. She's a great comic. I know that.

Of course she is. But, like, in America, there's a lot more, like, grace to that. First of all, she's more famous there than she is here. So she probably goes on at the comedy seller or the store in L.A. And they're like, fucking else here to say to Silverman. Okay, cool. We get to, they'll be excited there watching her work on stuff. Whereas over there on the boat, it's 20 odd quid a ticket.

It's people who live in London who've gone right. So one night out for the month, we're going to the boat comedy club. It better be fucking good. And then this American they've never heard off with an attitude walks on. Yeah, someone goes, is that the winger girlfriend from School of Rock?

And it doesn't have any cachet. But also, I think having gigs in all these places, I think, you may agree, that it basically, as you travel east, audiences get harder. So America, very, you know, you get, they, whoa, he's from Britain. you know, they're thick and whatever.

Then you get Ireland, Ireland's just like sort of drunk UK, so it's like, maybe with my accent, it's a bit harder, but I imagine you guys do very well in Ireland because there's a sort of sense of solidarity against people like me.

I'm coming to Cork. I can't stress enough how many tickets there I left for Cork. Same. Yeah. I was in Cork at the weekend. It was great, but the Saturday night was,

they were hammered. Right. Island had just twatted England and there would be. Yeah, yeah. And they were, they'd been out all day on the aisle. And it was just a little bit, yeah. But it goes east.

It goes east. So then Britain, where we are, and then you start getting to, like, Holland, where they really love stand-up comedy. It's, like, built into their culture, but they're, like, a certain type of stand-up comedy. And they're also not a giving audience. That Dutch people are incredibly frank and, like, resting bitch face. Yeah.

And so it can feel like you're tanking when you're actually doing fine. But they're like, that is good. Yeah, it's a very good show. It's a great bit. What, the great logic. They like the logic of the bit rather than like, they don't feel it. Super smart.

Yeah, wow. Those two connections. Henry the 8th, the crusades, 9-11, wow. The sky, like, they're philosophers, really, the Dutch. And then I've, I mean, then you get like the Scandinavian countries where, particularly when there's like fucking five hours of daylight in the winter, they're just like, well, that's a fucking point. Nothing you can say can give me any vitamin D, so who cares.

And then I did, and foolishly, I did, I once had to do 80 minutes in Lithuania. And, uh, what an amazing amount of time. Pointless. Fucking, I've done like a, there used to be this tour you could do where you tour Estonia and Latvia, you do like five nights. They pay you piss, Paul, but you basically get everything paid for and you get to see this part of the world. And it's just like in a guy, a grand, an Australian guy who was probably a sex criminal

on the run would drive you in like a battered vulvo with like bullet holes in it. across these old ex-soviet countries. And you felt, this feels like, sort of an 80s James Bond film. This feels great. And then the gigs were amazing because like English stand-up,

this is about 10 years ago, English stand-up had just got really big in those countries. And so like stand-up was like, it must have been here in the 80s. It was cool. It was new. It was like dangerous.

And then anyway, so through that, I got, I was on with the Lithuanian comedian who then booked me to do like an hour and a half or something in Vilnius in January. And my breath, the condensation from my breath would freeze on my beard. That's how cold it was, about minus 20.

On stage? No, they did have heating. Their national dish was like bread soup. I mean, it's not a great, you know. Bread? Blended bread. Watery bread, if you can imagine such a thing. Served in a bowl of bread.

It's like hollowed out bread with water in it. That's what it is. Christ. Yum. I just have another on the mountain. Anyway, keep going east from there. Mongolia, it's a homecoming gig. Homecoming gig.

My people. I'm battered. He's back in Monc City, five nights. That's my, like, Elvis residency, my Hmong. The long years. What happens does you keep goal east in Italy? China. Tough. Tough.

Japan. Tough. Yeah, the culture is so rigid. Yeah, but also, I imagine there's lots of, maybe this is all, this is all of like prejudice. I imagine there's like a web of social hierarchies that you would be,

you're not known, like you're treading on landmines and stuff. Literally here. Exactly. So I imagine it'd be quite difficult to do stand up in Japan. Maybe I'm wrong.

I don't know. I'd love to try. I really love to try. I think there's an English-speaking comedy club in Tokyo. Yeah, there is. Yeah. I think that's just for expats.

Expat, surely. I mean, if we can negotiate a have a word special where we get to do stand-up in Japan. Big in Japan. Oh, man. I would love that. By about Fiji?

Fiji? I don't know. I mean, they look jolly. They're big people. They eat ice cream. They eat, they're like fry up.

They're equivalent of their fry up is a loaf of bread hollowed out with ice cream and honey in it. That's how you do it. Yeah. That's why. Yeah,

I can have a bit of that. Yeah. It's better than the water, but Ed. Yes, it is, exactly. But that's like ground zero for obesity is the Pacific Islands.

Is it really? I think so. Sick. They're just big people, aren't they? Which is great when you become a lineman for the Philadelphia Eagles, but for everyone else, it's just diabetes. The Fijians had I was an airplane in England

in Agath soon, and there was a couple of them at the match of the night, getting pictures, and they were, they were jacked, but they were fucking ginormant. There's islands in Fiji that we've still never been to. Could be anything in there. Is it? Yeah.

What? There's islands in Fiji that no humans ever been on? Google on. Is that true? How Fiji claimed them then, then? Just by looking at them? How can you claim an island without ever stepping forward? Because I think they've got a Toronto.

The British Empire then. Oh, thank you. We'll have that. What can you see in your binoculars? I don't know, but it's ours. Really? Yeah, yeah. But, like, just think there could be fucking dinosaurs.

But are the island or are they atolls? Huh? Here we go. Very, very small. Like, rocks. Basically, just like big piles of sand. Yeah, basically. Like, if you dig into that,

there could be fucking anything. There could be, like, you know, bugs we've never seen. You can't go to the island of snakes. You can't go there, Snake Island, and you can't go to North Sentinel Island, I know that. Is that the one where you just get off the boat

and they just reach the pieces? Yeah, yeah. What snakes? No, North Sentinel. What's the? Barbarians. Tribes, isn't it? Oh, right, yeah, yeah.

And if you go near, they just kill you with arrows. Yeah. Has anyone ever tried, like, taking some cakes or something? No. I told you that journalist who took stuff, and they were like, nice one, thank you. And he kept taking things that they wanted

dropping it in the water, it. They stopped firing arrows and he was like, he was like, I'm going to keep doing this and to like build a rapport. Getting the trust. And then he kept doing it for a couple of months and they was like, I'm going to go on the island and then they just fucking marked them. Do you like, what are you doing? Does anyone try taking a gun? No, it's protected by the Indian government, I think.

Ah. It's a protected. Yeah, you just get, you know, you get killed by the Indians. I just think that there's some stuff that they've never had. Game boys? No, I mean, like food wise. Oh. Like they've, like the, the chicken ruby from me.

Disham and the lamb chops. And I reckon you take that they might be like fucking hell. If you keep it warm all the way, that's the real challenge. You just bring the chef on your boat, don't you? Taking British Indian food to an Indian islands. Like, no, this is how you do it.

This is how you do it. Oh, put the spears down. Try the popper doms. No, no. It won't give you diarrhea. I can trust you. Trust me. Shall we do some have a words because that's the name of the podcast?

It's trying to have a word A man, man. It's a class having, like, a mate in who's gun it loads and just knows how to have a laugh. I know, we've had a good one. Have you had some, have you had some banners in? Not immediately recently, but let's say since the start of the year.

Yeah. Oh, right. It's all the work, you know what I mean? And they've been great, and our listeners have loved them and it's been great. I've interviewed Bonnie Blue. I know what you mean? It's, yeah.

There's hard ones and just fun ones. Some people are staying up and think it's going to be like, you know, dead interviewy or whatever. Really? The Paxons of our time, Adam and Dan. Since the start of last year, I'd say. I can't believe we are doing this on podcast. This is why. Are we recording?

Have you had some shoot once? Yeah, we have. I'll not put a date on it, but last seven weeks. But I'll see you later. It was so early in the year that there's not many. It could be. Oh yeah, it's only February. in it. I thought it was me.

Because you've done the marathon now. You're doing a marathon? I'm doing a half marathon in three weeks. So Dan's shredded but not running. And you're as you were. I'm shredded and running. Right. Okay. I mean, that's what marathon should be for, though, isn't it?

I'm not sponsoring Dan now because he looks like action, man. I'm on a mission to prove that you can do these physical things Yeah. Without stop and drinking 20 odd pints of Guinness. Yeah, you're like a 70s football player. Yeah.

I know, that's what I always say. Shit. Yeah. I don't know you agree with this. Pella was shit and Charlie Adams better than football than him. I don't agree with that. But I also think that if you put George Best

on a Premier League field nowadays, he wouldn't do shit. Thank you. I literally said that. Not an hour and a half ago. Right. I said George Best. Yeah.

But here's my counterpoint. Pants. I think a good play from now gets booted into the stands within 10 minutes. Yeah. So I just don't, I don't think it's like, Lewis Diaz goes back and while they're going to be like,

I've never seen anything like it. I think they'll fucking break his pelvis. Messi would be a quadriplegic in the 70s. Within two minutes of going on the field. And everyone, even the referee would be like, wow, to get all four limbs off in one tackle. Phenomenal.

You know what? Maybe you guys win. right when are we I've got two and a half weeks till a marathon two and a half weeks yeah to the half marathon can you give me a percentage chance

of you complete in this marathon 100% oh yeah what did you expect I don't know I think I forgot who I do a podcast with there it could be tomorrow he was gonna go

I don't know 20 20 are you gonna right my first question is I have two questions my first question is are you are you going to not drink 5 pint of Guinness before the night before Like how many nights off?

I won't... The week of... Right. I probably won't have time because I'm going to have a new puppy. Right. So the puppy will take a lot of the attention. Do you know, it's...

Having had a new puppy and newborns, it's arguably more tiring of the puppy. I fucking love you for that. Yeah. He cried for years ago, no babies are there. Babies can't run. Yeah, they can eventually.

No, but when they're babies, they're sitting down or lay down, they can't move. You don't have... You can't have... ignore them for 10 hours. Well, you don't have to get up in the middle of the night and let them in the garden for a poo. You cannot ignore a puppy for 10 hours.

No, yeah. I know, no, you can't. Both of it is difficult. Neglect. My point is, so you won't be drinking because you've got a new puppy. No, but Finn, the thing is, if you stop drinking too much, your body's in shock during a half marathon. So it's a climb down.

The week before on the Saturday is 10 pints. The night before the half marathon, it's five. But I always think you should be allowed a cursory pint the morning after a big session. And if you get stopped by the police driving, then it's like, well, yeah, I've had a, yeah, I had a drink. But I sort of had 10 last night. So it's safer for me to drive a couple of drinks in than it would be raw dogging a 10-pint hangover. I think everyone before they do the driving test should be, have as much alcohol. Like there should be a constant test going on.

Like maybe it's a, you're hooked up to an IV, something that's monitoring your, you're, you're, Insurance companies now, they say they have a fucking thing in your... To get it going, yeah. Black box or whatever to see if you're speeding. No, I don't pay it. No, there's people who've got a breathalyzer on the car won't start unless they pass it.

Really? That is like a, you know, a final thing before, like prison. Where the fuck's that? Is that? No, surely that's like a voluntary thing. Like if you're an alcoholic. That's if you're done, if you've been done for driving or something.

Right, yeah. But yeah, I think you should be hooked up to a machine and they just give you as much alcohol. You get to pick your favorite drink and they give you as much... as you can have just before you'd be over the limit and then you do driving test. I never drive better than when I've had like a pint.

Yeah. And I'm like, best be careful here. Right, okay. So it's the, yeah. But then if you have two pints, you're like, well, I'm fine. And that's the problem. Then it's 90 miles an hour on a 30. Fuck off.

Yeah. Get out of the way. Surely if I go 90 past a school, I'll spend less time in front of the school, which is safer. S safer for the kids, so I'll just fucking gun it. If you hit a kid at 90,

no one knows it happened. Exactly. There's no evidence. It's messy into the stands, 10 minutes in. Poo! Wow, it's just red dust in the air. I came to pick up my kid, but they're not... Were they ill today?

I don't remember. They're not here. It won't exist. My second question is, how have you come to terms with the fact that there's highly likely that you pull a Radcliffe this marathon? Well, I've done one before and did, Paula Radcliffe.

Right. I had trained more for that one. But I hadn't trained me bowels anymore. Yeah. You do mean pooing, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, I mean, I guess it's a shame for her, given that she was a, you know,

esteemed marathon winning. Oh, multi-medal winning. Her name as a verb does mean to put yourself on a run. I pull a Radcliffed on Monday morning. Yeah, yeah. And if you, if you're on a jog and you poo, and you can do the whole thing and then retell it and not say or think Paula Radcliffe,

it's what do you even doing? Oh, that's such a sad legacy. It is a sad legacy. Your face on her face is the thumbnail. Oh, yeah, that's the thumbnail. Yeah. I mean, I sometimes go for a Paula Radcliffe and I'm not even running.

That's why I just... I'm just... I'm shitting for a ball of right. Yeah. And that is her legacy, even though she probably won BBC sports personality of the year. She did, yeah.

And multiple... And she's now synonymous with Po. Tag Paula Radcliffe, below, man. You know? I guess Linick has done so much more stuff that... the pooing himself on the pitch, you know.

He's diluted the poohinger because he was more known for being a goalhanger. Do you know what I mean? But I guess maybe people care more about football than they do running. Yeah, yeah, yeah. People do comment on everything. They're saying shat-on pitch, though.

That is a common thing. Right. And if he does anything, and they'll just do shat-on. So when they comment on, they think this is really taken away from his incredible career. No.

but like if he post crisps people will just say shot on crisps this is what I mean about in America they would not do that they'll be I'll buy those crisps what nice guy ah you pooed once in public fuck you

you're communist why don't you take a refugee fuck off this country is just so angry we never forget you pooed once yeah yeah

America's never forget 9-11 we never forget Linnika shot himself on the pitch once never forget that Don't forget it. Don't let him forget that. So I had like a training plan in place for the half marathon.

Yeah. And pub crawl. That's what you call a pub crawl. Yeah. Just getting ready, you know. Last Monday whilst playing five aside, I attempted a back heel pass to Finn. Yeah.

And blew me knee out. Both his knees exploded. Both knees with one back heel. Was it a double back heel? He put his arm as well? I didn't know. I didn't know the knee had gone. The knee's gone.

The knee's gone. Because you've been walking fine. So that's why I didn't know. What's happened to the knee? I injured it. So where's this 100% coming from? You've literally got an injury that you're not telling me about.

So I injured my knee. Oh, gee, my personal trainer, I said... How are you walking, Adam? Get away. He said, look, what you want to do? do is still do cardio and use your legs without the impact.

Yeah. So I've been going the gym every day and doing 25 kilometres on the bike and getting that done within an hour. And that's my current training for it. Cycling. Yeah. I've had a tetanus. Right.

Yeah, I've been cycling so that I can run in two weeks. But if I run now and aggravate the injury before it's better, then you know, I won't be able to do it. Or have a few pounds of Guinness. in the morning. And you won't feel it. I'm taking bets on Adam finishing this marathon. I know this is going to annoy you,

but I just want to make it interest from myself. Anyone? Anyone? What is it? Well, what are the odds? What are you offering us? Um,

five to one. He does it or doesn't do it? Doesn't do it? Five to one? He doesn't do it. Hang on, five to one that he does it. Oh. Oh, hang on.

So you think I won't give it and? You think I won't do it? If you give me a tenor, if he actually completes this marathon, you can have 60 quid back. completed the last one but he didn't. I'll have 100 quid on there. No, I'm not taking bets of you. I don't want to skew it. So hang on

so this is a half marathon so it's 13 miles right? 21.2 kilometers. Okay. Is there a reason you're using kilometres? Because it sounds like you've done more. Right, okay. He's a kilogram man as well in it. So you're offering us five to when it doesn't finish? Maybe yeah. I'll have a good hand

on there. Please. Got new bathrooms before. Now what, but what can't? You can finish a marathon and they packed up the finish line though. That still means you've finished, right? You can give me a time if you want. That's more interesting. What was your last one? An hour and 57.

On a scale of like naught to Kenyan, what's good? Kenyans do it in about 33 minutes. No, I think the world record's just under an hour. But like a good half marathon time is two hours. Right. And I did do better than that last time. Just nail two hours. I'll make two hours there.

Make it interesting. Say one hour 45. No, I won't do it quicker than I did it last time. It'll be longer than last time. Yeah. Last time he sort of passed out and fell over a bit at the end. I'll be happy with two and a half hours. So I think you should give me up to three hours.

Make a two and a half hours. It's like the opposite of an athletics post-match conference. I'll be happy with two and a half, but give me three. Give me anywhere up to three. I'm pretty sure I can do that. It is the thing. Let's say I get two thirds of the way in and my knee goes. Like what?

But I love that the way you're saying your knee is if you're like, it's Beckham's messed up to ass. If my knee goes, you know, I'm doing back heels. I can't. I shouldn't be running, really. Don't call that stuff. If I get two, like two thirds of the way in and my knee goes.

You'll just drag yourself for the rest of the way. You will. I think I could do that still. three hours. Make it two and a half hours? I don't know why. I question, I question,

because I question Adam and then just he's got a, why you're polar rackling you? I'm shitting you. I'm shitting yourself. He does. Just say two and a half hours? I think this is all the motivation he needs.

Just someone got he's not doing it. Like that's the level of anger. He's like some money as well. What? I'm not taking bets off, Adam. I'll give you evens on a hundred quib. Under quid versus under quid. Who's the adjudicator's profit or for charity?

Probably the official, whether I get a medal. Does it say the number on the medal? You get your time, you get your chip time. Are you doing it for money? I've just lost a hundred quid. You do it for charity? I always just say if you want to... I'm unsure that he'll do it.

Right. That's my charity. But if I make bets, it goes in my forking pocket. You want them to do it? What? You want them to do it though? So that's good. You've just pushed them.

Not anymore. He doesn't. No, the under Quintraway, it's basically fucking 5P, in it. Comes out of his and Bond. That was the last time I saw... I did the roast. That was for Zoe's Place, wasn't it? No.

It felt like on the night. I did feel like. I think the... It was in the midst of the campaign. Yeah, yeah. So there was a few Zoe's Place jokes from Freddie. Yeah. But yeah, it was whilst it needed...

I remember one I did as well. But I remember being like, do you know what? I'm going to... Because I went on quite early, that one. I remember saying, you know what, I'm going to donate. I said I was going to end my set by saying, I'm going to donate my fee to Zoh's place. Yeah. And then I couldn't matter. I don't think I did because Rebecca Goodwin threw up while I was on and kind of threw me off a bit. But I was just, mainly because I was like, I know, if everyone started doing that,

if everyone started matching it, then when it got to Freddie, he'd be so fucking annoyed. You went, you went early on that despite, like, it's, it's, your instinct to support technically the best roasters towards the end, but you'd have to go so late the first. Did you go last the first time? I didn't follow Freddy last time. Yeah. So I was like, let's just put Finn.

I appreciated that. I think it's going to be, it won't be this year, will it? It'll be next year we do the next row. I know. I'd like to do a big one in Glasgow. Yeah, we did one in Glasgow, yeah, yeah.

And it was that, it was, the atmosphere was better. Yeah. Like, I think they were just made up, we'd done one of our big events outside of Liverpool and it was just fucking sick. Yeah. And everyone killed it.

Yeah. Like everyone had a really good, shall I? Shall we do have a word? This is from Anonymous. Need you to have a word with my sister. She's letting my 14-year-old niece vape, and I think she's buying her the vapes.

The school have been in touch and everything. If that wasn't grim enough, my niece has decided she wants a tattoo, and my fucking sister has agreed to it. I was like, hang on, no tattoo studios are going to let a kid get a tattoo, but my sister reckons they might buy the equipment and do it at home,

because, and I quote, it can't be that hard, and I've always been good at art and stuff. Can you have a word with both of them before the police do? Are we talking like, you know, is this the kind of art where you're drawing 9-11 a year after it happened?

Is that what's going on your tramp stamp? Is it a 9-11 on the back kind of job? It's the only art I know, love. I've spent years on it. If I was going to have a tattoo, it would be that. Just one tower on each arm. Second plane, yeah. Second plane, yeah.

Seconds, it was already a bit of damage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It'd be just above the ars, and it'd be the smoke plume like that. And then there'd be a second plane you could spot just coming across the cheek. You're like, hang on. What's happening there?

No, you just get the tattoo on your wrist suit. It's always with me. No, you can just fly it in. Oh, you can do it. That's women as well. If you could tattoo your children, if it was like not you do it. I think I should be allowed to,

but go on. I think you can. Yeah, stick and poke. Don't you just get a license and you can do whatever you want? I think you can do, you can. I mean, there'll be consequences. Well, legally I can...

Yeah. Well, my nine-year-old's getting a sleeve. I'm pretty sure. I mean, I imagine that it's up to every tattoo parlor, if that's not too. No way. Am I just like giving kids wine a hole? Check the law on that film. I don't think there is a law. I can't you tattoo a nine-year-old.

There has to be so strong of legislation. I know he's only seven, but he wants a fucking tattoo. I see tattoos as a broad, you know, I don't think you can put a fucking Manson forehead swastika on a nine-year-old. It's illegal. Is it? Yeah. As a license, it's a fine of up to a thousand.

Fucking star must Britain. You can't tattoo a swastika on your child. It's just woke nonsense. A fine of a thousand pounds. What tattoos have you got? Poor patrol. I was younger, to be fair. That's true.

They would. Chase is on so fucking good. They would date so badly. Would you let her to get one if it was legal? Yeah, a big blueie on a bag. Just a pepper pig tramp. I don't know. Just daddy, daddy pig just there.

That's what she wants. A big blueie on her back. Yeah, yeah. I don't see the problem that she's my kid. She's got a big old tattoo on her ass and her nipples pierced. If I'm not telling me how to parents. If I'm still wiping a bum, then I should be able to put a tattoo just above it. Binday Tuesday.

Oh, shit. Surely in some cultures, though, that's like encouraged. There's cultures in there where tattoos. Enter the Turkish. Turkish producer. What are we about to reveal? He's got a bad tattoo. Yeah, I got a bad one on my back.

He got it when it was three. Yeah. It's faded. Surely there's like, yeah, those kind of Samoan kind of. Yeah, that's, yeah, the war paint. Yeah, like Sticking post ones. Sam one.

Um, yeah, those Pacific Islanders, yes, but I bet there's still an age, like, it'll be like the... Sorry, what's the legal limit? Is it 16? 18. 18. 18. And even if it's like,

because you can drink with a parent there in a pub age 16. Is there anything like that? No, apparently, even with parental consent, no. Unless it's for, it says medical reasons, but I don't know what a medical tattoo is. People genuinely now get, like, diabetic stuff, tattooed on them, so they don't have to carry the thing around all the time. Not like they collapse.

Like, if they collapse, they're like... Well, some people have, like, a card that you carry... They get a tattooed on their arm. They get... Numbers on their arm. They get the... Like, I'm diabetic. Just another.

Nazi crime. They didn't stick to tattoo consent laws. God, these were the bad guys, eh? Tattooing kids, my word. Very confusing if you don't know. This eight-year-old was in Auschwitz. I think it's just, yes, I'm diabetic. Oh, right. Yes, I'm diabetic. It's tattooed on your

arm. Google that. Diabetics. Yeah. Yes, my friend. I'm diabetic. I haven't even asked the question. I think it's diabetic, anyway. My wife's diabetic. She's not got any tattoos. one. Yeah, you can get them, but I don't think you have to.

Ed Gamble's covered in tattoos. No, I'm saying that's the common medical tattoo. I don't think it's diabetes. I think it's, there's another thing where you have to carry a card where if you get ill, like if you get the flu, it's like you don't have a immune response, so you need to go to hospital. So if you get like in an accident, if you're in a car crash or whatever, it's like a card saying whatever state I mean, I'll need to go to hospital because I don't have a like immune system.

Right, right. or you can get it on your arm. And people who follow the same religion. Here we go. Here we go. John Travolta. Yeah. They have like,

hey, fucking leave me alone, let me die. Stuff like that, don't he? Scientology. No, it's not Scientology.

It's Bob Marley? DNR, you mean? That stuff? Yeah. Restor. No. DNR. Don't have Shostovol.

Rastavari. I think Chivalter Rastavari. I know, no, whoa. I know he's had a new end. John Devalter's not Raster is he? Yeah, he is now. No, he is.

What religion is? He's a scientist? Yes. He is. He is? He really, yeah. He is. Him and Tom Cruise?

He's like, he's the second one in it. Didn't one of his kids like because he wouldn't give him my briefing or something? Yeah, but he's only the second most famous in Scientology because of Tom Cruise. So he's transferred to Rastafara. He wants. He wants more of the ball.

He's a bad. He's like, I'm gonna have a message. He's taking my shot. And he's got there and Bob Marley's there. He's like, oh, fuck. Still in the shadow. So, sorry, this woman is asking. By the way, I think vapes are an IQ test.

I think, what do you mean as if, if you... I think you can, it's a visible IQ test. Why, they failed? Yeah. If they're vaping. Yes. Right. Yeah, I mean, I've...

Especially kids. If there's a kid's going to have vaping school, just it's fine. Let them go and play footy and rugby and stuff because you're not doing much else. I imagine some intelligent kids are also vaping because you can be intelligent and... The thing is the vape just doesn't have the reputation that the cigarette does. You know, the cigarette has class.

And sort of French, there's like an artistic esteem to it. Schofield honky on a vape after he's being kicked out going, do you want me to die? Like it's not as... It's not like Jordan with a cigar as... No, it's not as beast, is it? It's pretty...

I love how, with that interview that they did, where he's like, do you want me to die, like I'm having a bad time? Obviously, like, the whole point of that interview was to make him look like a knobbed, like a pathetic, desperate man. And he's obviously gone to them, do you mind of having me vape?

And the director, the producer's just gone, yes. Have another one, yeah. Is he vaping the whole way through that? It's in his hand. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, he's like, bluebody.

I think the best thing to do also, if you ask the person what flavour it is, the Ophillam, they're always embarrassed with the answer. You had a vape face, and now you're out of it, you look back with, like, shame and regret. Carl humbled me out of it. He was like, you know better than Schofield. He wasn't to die.

But I smoked them like that. I had to quit, because that's the problem. It looked weird. I kept gagging on them. Yeah. Dan, you've got a really... You've got a really big vape. Why do you keep buying the black ones?

I uh but it is like it's sort of it's um it's like white sheesher isn't it it's one of the worst things in modern society i despise it yeah more than tattoos on children i actually respect the goths with the big oil ones the massive ones that could kill some people i remember like 10 15 years ago that before they had all the little disposable ones it was like an old camera where it was like yeah no i respect them they're sick the ones like hanslanders pipe i wouldn't say they're sick i wouldn't say they're sick. They walk past them in the pub.

You have to have a degree in engineering to put it together. Yeah. I respect them more than the fucking ones we've got the little plastic pink ones. They're all blueberry-all flavor. Los Marys. The Los Marys.

I think that was what's going to film. Chapparob. It's pathetic. Like, I can't go 10 seconds in a day without tasting pink lemonade. Yeah, I know. Carl, I think a lot of people are going to comment on this episode.

I don't think you've made your feelings on vaping clear enough over the last few years. Carl, do you drink? in terms of the drinks you drink not very often but yeah no I don't mean alcoholic I just mean liquid yeah which I assume you do intake liquid

I have to yeah yeah do you have a similar opinion of people who drink fizzy drinks or like juice I drink fizzy drinks there you go right so I think that's hypocritical no because I think you're just as childish as someone honking in a vape for having drinking a Coca-Cola really yeah what's an acceptable drink

coffee tea water wine beer whiskey and gin. So if you had a bottle of wine now. But I'm a straight man. That's better than a stroke. Yes. Yeah, yeah.

I would respect Carl more. So I'm thirsty in the car and I've got a Diet Coke. You respect that less than I'm in the car and I need to smoke on blueberries. It's the same of the I'm concerned. Do you know what? As much as like...

The kids drink. No, but you need drink to survive. It could be an only... You don't need a Coca-Cola to survive. It could be an only... Not to get all historical on you. People survived before Coca-Cola was invented. What I mean is you need liquids to survive.

You might drink water that day. That might be only... There's water in that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can live without smoking a fucking... I'm not saying you can't live. I'm saying I think you're as childish as people who vape. Okay.

We're drinking a child's drink. I agree with them. Yeah. With his cherry, whatever the fuck that is. Like, it's a good argument. It's the thing. What did you have a fizzy water woman you came in now? Yeah.

Is that... Surely that's... Hang on. Sparkling water's... Childish. Adult Coke, isn't it? That's what I'd say. You're getting a fizz off it, but it's water. And also, as you know, not to be all really boring,

but apparently all water's fizzier, then they make it still. That's just not true. I've been on the sea. Brother, what? Not the sea. I mean, the water you drink from out of a spring. The rain's not fizzy. I'm not talking about the rain.

I'm talking about this. So they'll say this is from a natural mineral water from a spring. Yeah, but if you poured that on. Or onto some rocks They're not soda streaming everything They have to be It makes no sense No

You're killing me I'm not No, Vichy Catalan That's naturally Sparklemortar But they're fissing that up bro Maybe they are But I'm saying

Vichich Catalan Vich Catalan It's a He was in a film with her It's a brand of Sparkle of Mortar The tastes a little bit like cum Well it tastes like cum Smells

Send me the link So that was a good back pedal. I mean, how it smells, I imagine. I don't know. I don't know. I've smelled it before. Yeah, that tastes just like, come, smells. Have you ever vape?

Hey? Have you ever vape? No. Good. No. I respect you. Smoked? Thanks.

The child drinking a Coke respects me. Smoked? Sorry. Have you smoked a little bit when you were? No. I never really, I mean, I tried it, but I just never got any kind of high or buzz off of cigarettes at all. Even cigars, I just, you know, even when like we've been on nights out after

have a word shows, I've had a puff on one for a photo. And then I'm like, this is fucking disgusting. It's a horrible thing. Yeah, I just kind of agree. You need to be six points in before you're like, you wake up and your hand smells like, you know when a watch straps, like a leather watch strap after like two years just smells like more like your balls than your balls. That's what like one puff of a cigar does to your, I know, it's horrible.

I had a cigar after our arena show in December and for two days, just the shite I was coughing up, it was horrible. It's put me off them. I don't think anyone smokes a cigar without telling someone or taking a picture of yourself. It's a photo opportunity. Yeah, if you're smoking cigars

and privacy of your own home, I don't know what else you're doing. My granddad used to just go down to the bottom of the garden and smoke a cigar on his own. But he could have been doing anything at the bottom of the garden. The point is that he wasn't with his family. I get that.

It runs in the family. Yeah. You built a house at the end of the garden. Yeah, it's the same principle. It's the same principle of like... Get me away from them without leaving my property. That's the principle. I respect that.

Yeah. That's a cigar. It's the same reason people who don't have a garden going to sit in their car and to just not be with their family for a bit. One of my, like, guilty pleasures is pulling up outside my house and just sitting in the car full of it. Oh, I tell you what, I guess a lot of guilty when you can hear your kids screaming from the house

and you're in the car going, nah. They'll settle. I'll turn my phone off so to find my friends isn't on. And I'm just sitting in the car outside. a fucking cop on a steakout hammering donuts steak out to my own life hammering donuts going yeah

it's going to kick off in there I'm not getting involved though that's not my jurisdiction Finn that was amazing as ever go and see Finn Taylor on tour go and see Adam on tour can we see me on tour Adam row dot coat at UK I've got

Dan and friends about to be announced hold your horses it's not quite yet me and Carl are doing a hip-hop night on the 14th of March. There's 30 tickets left, maybe 25, 30 tickets left. I'm about to announce. I'll release the playlist

so people can't have a listen and excitement of the night. But that is going to be fun. And Finn... Also, Matt, that's gone, much mad, like, subscribe. Episode 2 should be out now. Episode 1's flying.

Episode 1's, one of our best episodes ever. It's the best first week we've ever had. Naomi Swach and Trubber episode out now. Every way you get your podcast. It's going to give it some love, please. Sign up to the Finn v. history, Patreon. When we're close, we're very close.

We're nearly overtaking. I don't know what we're on. You're on. It's close. Lots. Close. It's close. You're like late 20,000s, aren't you?

28. Okay. We've got the song I mentioned before, which is from a drum and bass trio called Solar, S-O-L-A, and this is their song with General Levy called Tellum. Fucking class. General Levy. By the way, I've had a couple of messages. Yeah.

I've had a couple of messages recently. I'd say maybe like four or five asking when you're doing stand up. And it's probably worth saying that that is in the work, in the pipe. In the works and we've got a plan for it now. So just keep prize out. I said when we got to 30,000, 30,000, then I'd do stand up. That's very exciting. I said that when we're on like 17?

No, no, it was less than 10. Yeah, it was like eight. You're on 30,000, aren't you? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it was like maybe like four or five. I thought it never. That's very exciting. I said,

I'd happily cry in my Bugatti. I haven't got a Bugatti. You know, that's what, that's what, Andrew Tate says. That's what Elbrook says. But anyway.

That is exciting. Although it's going to be weird going from, because you're going to have a fan base. You have to do stand up to like people who don't know the pod. I think that's the rule, surely. It's impossible. No,

because otherwise it's not a, it's not a clear enough bellwether on. You can't just change the dynamic on the idea we had. You can't just go up and just basically just to, you know, surf the way. I'll tell you what, we're thinking. And maybe like the tickets for this will go and sail whenever we actually organise it. But we're thinking maybe. Because we obviously do a Patreon special every month.

But we never, we've never done a stand-up Patreon special. We did the last dance. That was the closest we've ever got. So we're thinking of doing maybe our own. episode of like sort of a stand-up TV show. Like, what was it called? Show me the funny, like that. Yeah, but Carl's going to go on last,

and we're just going to have me, Dan, maybe you, Vitorio, Renan, just people who will smash it and then Carl can headline that gig. Also, Harry wants to do a set. I know. I least understand that. And I think Finn doing a comedy song

would be beautiful. Absolutely not. You could be Pope Eannum, mate. That's been a lot of fun. Thanks for listening. Thanks for watching. Bye, Felicia. Oh, yeah, everything.

Just let you do that. Bad Fletish. And if a tree like of the rules in our community, I'll get to you. We need to make a better future. You see the shooting and they're stabbing and the innocent killing. How they make the struggle hard.

I see the shooting and they stabbing. Make their struggle hard.