Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #371 with The Boys - Have A Word w/Adam, Dan & Carl

Episode Date: March 9, 2026

Tickets, merch and loads more available on our website! https://haveawordpod.comDan & Carl's Hip-Hop Night || https://www.skiddle.com/e/41781901Tickets for Have A Word Live shows as well as Adam and Dan's tours and previews:Adam's Tickets: https://www.adamrowe.comDan's Tickets: https://dannightingale.comCarl's Stream || https://twitch.tv/senseicarl_Finn's Music & Tickets: https://finnlayk.co.ukCherry (Live at the M&S Bank Arena): https://finnlayk.lnk.to/CherryArenaAs Adam and Dan said, don't miss out on all of our extra content, we've got one of the best value Patreons in the game. An extra 90+ minute episode every week plus loads of bonus content such as the now infamous Lockdown Lock-ins, the Nashville & Amsterdam specials and our Ghost Hunts! What are you waiting for? Sign up now at https://patreon.com/haveawordpod​Get subscribed to Have A Word Highlights: https://youtube.com/haveawordhighlightsListen to Finn's new EP: https://finnlayk.lnk.to/AllInYourMindThanks to this week's sponsors:Heights | https://heights.com/haveawordEnter code HAVEAWORD20 at checkout for 20% off your first month!Manscaped | https://manscaped.com20% off with promo code: WORD20NordVPN | https://nordvpn.com/haveawordEXCLUSIVE NordVPN Deal ➼ https://nordvpn.com/haveaword Try it risk-free now with a 30-day money-back guaranteeLovehoney | https://lovehoney.co/word_podcastLove how you love and take 20% off sitewide to unlock sexual happiness and discover a happier you with promo code: AFF-WORD20Saily | https://saily.com/haveawordDownload SAILY in your app store and use our code HAVEAWORD at checkout to get an exclusive 15% off your first purchase or go to https://saily.com/haveaword 🌍ADAM ROWE and DAN NIGHTINGALE are two award winning comedians from Liverpool & Preston, respectively. They are two of the UK's most highly regarded stand-ups and have both performed all over the world. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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the very best in protecting your online activity. Go, Ed. Get on me. Spring is springing. Yeah, it is. Not even a good season. Not a fan. Oh, that's right. It's my favourite. Yeah.

Spring, baby. At least paused. It's just bright. It's just nice. Came out. There was breeze in my air. Tits in your face. It's great. It was just fucking class.

This is... I'm getting a new car today. Oh, yeah, it's a new car there. Getting a new dog on Monday. Everything's just new and class and the sun's new and it's all new. I'll fucking feel great. That's great.

So good. I've been supplementing every day for like a week. With what height? This is an unbranded neurological drink bevy. Ah, the old neurological drink bevy. I've been having tumourich. I've been having magnesium.

I've been having creatine. I've been having November, Mike November. And electrolytes every single morning. And I just, I'm on fucking. fire mate. Yes, there was a long day, went to London, had to get up at like 6 o'clock, get the 8 o'clock train down to London, didn't get home till nearly 2 o'clock in the morning, I'd like 6 hours sleep, woke up, had a coffee and I feel fucking class.

Pissing bright yellow, feeling great. Everything's fucking... What was yesterday? Why did you have to do a flying Londonium? Freddy runs, I don't know whether it's monthly or bi-monthly, which is every other month, not monthly for bisexuals, and he's got two gigs on one night in London. at Marketplace Foodall. It's a really great gig, really well run,

and I had a lot of fun. Yeah. Nice. There's Jack Skipper, Helen Bauer, Bray, and then me. With Freddie going like, oh, what do you do, your big fat,

and stuff like that. Yeah, yeah. In the mirror. Cool. Yeah, so just had a little flying visit. You know, I have a little pot around the shops. Got some new sunnies?

I did get some new sunny. I forgot my sonnies and it, you know, some Anastasia bastards. Oof. Some Anastasia bastards. Ziggy play guitar. They're nice. Yeah, I feel fucking good, man.

I don't know about you, but I'm just, I'm on form today. Everyone feels better when the sun comes out. I know, like, seasonally affected disorder is a proper thing for some people, but I reckon this point of the year when it all brightens up, it's just good for everyone's mental health,

isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. The only problem is that still, well, I don't know if this is a common thing. This might be a bad observation. The heatings on in the morning still, but it's too hot.

You can't turn it off, you know? I can't. I don't know how I'll do that. What do you mean? What you mean? The heatens on in the morning? It comes on automatically. In your house, honey?

In my house. No, it doesn't. That's a setting. I don't, I've never touched a boiler in my life. Why would I do that? He does live with his mum, though, don't he? I still turn the heat.

I'm going to live with my mum. We'll turn it off when I wanted it to be hot or cold. Nah. I didn't because she died. before I was allowed access to the thermostat. Yeah, mine died. At 20. She couldn't work at herself and she froze to death.

That's awful. Yeah, I should have helped. But I'm not touching a boiler. You're too warm in the morning time? Yeah, I think it's set to come on at like 4pm and like 6am. Yeah. And for like a couple of hours. So I wake up sweating.

Just talk to your moment, say I am sweating in the morning. You know, can we not do the heating thing? Or lower the top. But also it's not that warm. yet? It has been the past couple of days. No, it hasn't. Maybe in Rill, but not here.

I mean, Rills, Rill's near the equator, isn't it? Yeah. Just about. That much. Equatorial Rill. Low were you talking? I talked up for the first time in years.

I think I've got the lowest possible talking about usually sleep under a napkin. Yeah, yeah. So, for years. At 6 a.m., it was 6 degrees. In my house, it was about 36. Yeah, but you've just said what the problem is. No, it wasn't.

You've just said what the problem is. You've opened your to your tog. I've up my to £7.5. I don't know that's big or small. That's a light dog, man. It's a really light to. That's why I've upped it to. I upped it because it was like

December I was shivering. I can't, I'm like Goldil-Lex. There's like super light, which is like a four-tog. That's what I've been living with for years. There's like seven is like, 10 is medium.

13.5 and upwards is, wham! 10's like the standard one. Yeah. Tens Hotel. Yeah. Yeah. Have you worked it out yet?

You've up your toad and you feel a bit too warm. Now, but about a month ago, it was fine. What a thicker doves? I mean, it's still a really thin, dovee? In the grand scheme of thin.

What's your mum got? I don't know what hog. I don't know if you should ever know your mum's toog, you know. Mom's a 13.5 girl. Gets chilly in the night. Does she look at warm, though? Is she lately? Do you have,

Do you have togs for each season? A tog for each season. Is the season changed, Laura? Bring out the spring tog. Do you know? No, but sometimes in winter I'll put a little blankie over to duvet. It makes me feel nice.

I actually don't believe that that adds any extra warmth, you know? I thought you put it under the duvet. You ever tried double duvet under and above, like a sandwich? You will never be more comfortable

to all your entire life. double duvet, it's honest to God, it'll change. But you just said you sleep under a napkin. So when are you double duvain? No, in the deep winter. If you double duvet in, wow. Roughly, when's deep winter?

January, the 11th. My birthday. I feel really cold on Adam's birthday. Get the double duve house. No, I don't. I've just got one standard. But, you know, when it gets to summer, I will just take the duvet out

and sleep in the sheets. Yeah, yeah. Because I don't have a... Sorry, you take the duve out of... Yeah, on a really... Wait, wait. The sheets...

I just get a different sheet. Do you sleep in the sheet? I haven't got a sheet. I'm going to spare duvet cover. No. I've got a duvet cover, but I don't have a single sheet for summer sleeping.

Another duvet cover? What's the difference there, Carl? What? Leave the duvet cover on the duvet. Get another duvet cover. All right. Oh, just take the duvet out of the duvet cover. And where you put in that duvet?

You... Sorry. Hang on. I don't think you... You pick on the wrong thing here. You in the summer just get a duvet cover and get into bed with it. Yeah, because I have to have something. Yeah.

And I don't have a single ply sheet. So that is the closest thing I've got to the thinnest thing. I mean, that's like zero tog. Yeah, yeah. Point five. Yeah, for that's, that's me for like two months. Yeah. Mild.

Wild. You said mild. You don't get in it, though, do you? Yeah, it's wild. You do not get it. I wrap myself like a little tortilla. Tortillo, yeah. Tortillo.

That's actually the feminine because I'm being a bitch. That's mad to me. I just get on, I just like, he said it first. In the, in the summer, I just like sort of like dry hump the, the quilt. Yeah, the assholes. I just, as long as like one of me knees is slightly covered by the quilt, then I'm under it. The monsters can't get you. I just can't sleep.

I can't sleep naked on nothing. Yeah, that is mad. You cover like one bit of one leg. exposed to the monster's day. If you've got your cock out and no quilts on. The monsters are so long. Also, when it gets super hot, I mean, when we're well in the 30s,

those like baking nights that just don't cool down. Bacon nights. I can't have the fan at me. It's got to do a sort of like, like. I can't relate. Yeah, no, because it drives you out then. It's got to do a Stevie Wonder. I have a movement of just like moving around.

Like, the air's got to be moving. Yeah. But it can't be like right up my ass crack. It can be on its rotation. It can, like, caress your ass. I tilt it up. So, like, there's... That's just moving the cold air above your head.

Like, fan? Yeah. Now, I've got a tower fan me. So, yeah. I've got the Dyson. I don't know, whatever. Funn's in 20-26. Yeah.

I thought they were the standard. 20 quid from own bargains. I've got a circle fan, mate. Like a fucking propeller. It's like a 90s office fan. Yeah. You need to walk your fan game, man. I'll sort it out.

Have you got a fan at each. room or is it just you? Yeah, everyone's got a fan. I think everyone else has got a towel fan and Dad's had to take the hit with the Sessna fucking propeller. But it works.

It just moves the air around without it going right up my Jacksonie. Clean cut. That's a strong fan, isn't it? It's going in your dick, maybe just turn that down. So in the peak of the heat waves,

you are all sleeping with something on you because I am just having nothing on me. Huh? In the peak of those heat waves. I'm just sleeping with nothing. There's nothing on me at all. And there's nothing even within reach. You're asking for a monster to sexually assault you.

No, so I just have something. So, like, often I'll just like spoon fuck a cushion. That's enough. Yeah. As long as you're touching certain, the monsters can't see you. I just have to, like, be wrapped round something. It can just be, it can be a pillow.

Yeah? As long as something is above my bottom leg. It's like base 19. You've got one knee under the cover, the sound. Yeah. As soon as you get me, also, do you get the stairs, monsters if it's dark? Do you ever feel the stairs?

Like, if you go up the stairs in the dark, there's monsters crawling up behind you. We all get down. No, right. It's never dark on my stairs. What? It's never dark. We've got the landing light on.

No, I know, but I'm saying if it isn't on. Is that for you or for your mum? I mean, I'm not arced. But it's just like, that's just always been the case in that house. I have the landing light on for the monsters. If I'm going up to I don't know if Seneca is in the bedroom and bed she hates it

because if you turn a light on it's basically you punched it in the face and woken up. But if you're going up the stairs in the dark there's monsters calling behind you and you have to run fast and then when you get to the top it's like a barrier they can't go past. No one ever feel that no? My four-year-old does.

He absolutely does. I've seen it but like I took I'm not scared of stair monsters. I'm not allowed to follow Ellie up the stairs because she screams. Like she's got to be at the top of the stairs before I start doing it because otherwise it's like a woman thing. I will slap Seneca's ass on every single step. Oh, I put my finger right up at asshole.

Syracus. I poke my bird's asshole when we're going up to stairs. I'll just literally. Every step. Yeah. Oh. It really bobs her. Hang on.

So she makes you wait at the bottom. Like a dog. You don't make me wait, but it's like if she's going up the stairs and I'm falling, she goes, oh, stop. Is that in case you fall over? I don't know. It's a case you can go. It's because she can't look back

because then she's not watching where she's going on the stairs. What? She's a bat man. So she gets to the top of the stairs and goes, come on. Come on. Come on, boy.

To be fair, it's probably better if I have more room on the stairs anyway. Do I mean? It's best if she's not behind you. Have you tripped her on the stairs before? Is this like PTSD from you, legging her up? I've,

like, she'll leave clothes for me to take up on the stairs and I've volleyed them everywhere and stuff. It's more like me. And maybe it's me falling over onto like a hamstring and then like she's out for the season. It's mental how much stuff you just volley and all.

It's like you can't see the floor. We're going to a trampoline park. No, you're not there. Go pro. And I went and I went, do I have to go? And she was like,

yeah, and we're all going. Who's all? It's all Ellie's like cousins and nieces and nephews and stuff. It's like a kid's birthday party. But Ellie was like, well,

we'll do it. But I think I'm going to do the thing where when you jump on the trampoline and then your legs stop, but your body's, body doesn't, and I'm just going to fold into myself. Yeah. You're going to need to get my face.

Yeah. I think you're going to give a five-year-old a concussion. I think that's how it's going to go down. I think Harry's going to break both of his legs. Have you been to a trampoline part before? No, I've never been to a trampoline before. We have one in the garden, I've never been on it. You've never been on a trampoline?

Uh, the last, this sounds like the maddest sob, sorry, the last time I remember being on a trampoline was I was on a trampoline when my parents pulled me off to tell me they were getting a divorce. And I'm not sure. I've equated that to go, maybe trampolines are bad. Not a same fucking

chance. As your dad gone, get him off the trampoline. On, on my life. How long have you're on the trampoline? Me and James must have been on the trampoline for it because we were like, what, five? We were on the trampoline for ages. Oh, in my edge of an adult. Hang on. Had they

pre-decided to take you to the trampoline place to tell you? Or are they falling out while you were trampoline? No, I think that's a trampoline park. You went for a trampoline park to get told you, like, go on, let them bounce it out? Was it like, if we stay on here, they'll stay together? I had no, I mean, I knew they didn't like each other, like, but I just thought that's what marriage was.

James. James, we could, we should have kept bouncing. They'd still be together. I was more gutted about the fact that I had to move house. I didn't understand our relationship, but I knew I had a trampoline at this house. So the last time you went on a trampoline, you were about six? I probably have been on trampolines before, but that's the definitive memory that stuck in my head. That's so sad.

I understand that, though, if you're equating. trampoline to yeah yeah you're like I'm not getting back on that my man will die just be careful when my parents split up we went to Alton Tows

for the day and we just finished the log flu and they were like we need to talk to you dry up and we're like we're splitting up

and I started crying and then my dad was like dry up again dry up dry up your mum's booking off you're gonna need some like practice

bounces them just so you don't actually kill a child or start crying. See, I always, so I never did, I never did a GCSE-P-E, but all the other lads did, and they all took trampolining as one of their sports to do.

So everyone in my year group was like, that was an option in our school as well. Excel the trampoline. Sorry, but that is some gay ass shit that big. Fucking hell. You telling me, when you were 50? No, it was 40 or I'm going home? It was 40 as well, obviously. It was four sports.

You got four sports? Forty four times. No, that's not how it works. You can't just pick 40 four times. It's, we don't get, What were the option? I did footy, tennis. I didn't do trampolining. What did I do? There was like a written thing that they were like in,

sports. If you wanted a good mark, they were like, just do that. And volleyball. What kind of bullshit GCC is this? You got to do PE for a GCCC? I did P. What do you mean?

It's a lot of writing. That has to do Latin. Spells. That was an option. I'm not even messing. Rooms. Oh, God. Either done, like, if I was picking

four sports at school, footy, table tennis. Huh? Table tennis. Now, a real sport. Yeah, footy, tennis, if that was an option, table tennis. And then,

basketball all across. At the same time. You wouldn't have got a Navy did basketball at them. Why? It's all about confidence. He's a great three-point shooter in his head. Why couldn't I play basketball?

It's reserved for the tall gentleman, isn't he's six foot four. I'm sorry, he was six four of this girl. No, it's not... I mean, they're better. There's only one black lad in, are you?

And he was smaller than me. I said tall. I said tall. Do you want to press something? He was smaller than most of him. Yeah? And he played a good eye in football as well, didn't he? Yeah, you don't have to do your GCSE

with the L.A. Lakers. It's just about other kids at your school, in it. So as long as you're not there with, you know... I was in the tallest 10% in our school. I bet you fucking won't. Yeah, but he's that's that 10% percent of year seven when he's in year 11 yeah yeah i'll do my gccasee with year eight max fuck off we're causing inquest in r p because we did like joint non gccccc with the girls

and they put all me and all the other spackers with against the um that's allowed that's i think yeah i'm epileptic i'm like my word in it no it's not even the epilepsy just this general demeanor he's allowed to say that 100% okay i've seen him walk and um and we played against the girls netball team and battered them. And they had to like sit the netball team down and be like, we have to pull out of competitions and do some training. Sorry, you beat them so much they disbanded as a team. It's the fact that, because it was like me,

three other lads who weren't athletic and then some really unathletic girls against the most athletic girls. And I was like doing like, Ranaldino chops with the netball. Ranaldino. I learned what him. I learned what gay was because of netball. You what?

Just a man during netball? Did you think GA still for gay attacks? No, no. So in the year... Nice. Far. Little school, anyway. We had the thing with St. Paul's in Wuddlesford.

There's just in Leeds. It was like a link. Like a twin town? You had twin with somewhere in Leeds? Yeah, so every year... There's a Cardleaning in Leeds as well. You went to another twin school at City School. No, it's definitely little school.

It's definitely a little school. Did you do Yorkshire exchange? So no, they came to us and we played them a footy. Their football team played ours. But then when we went there, for some reason they couldn't play. So we had to play them at netball. So the football team played their netball team. But they sent two netball lads because you stayed there

and out of the weekend and then when you went to Wollsford, you stayed. Oh my God, you did a Yorkshire exchange. Yeah, but two lads stayed in my house who played netball. And they were, you know, they were young, but, you know, they knew they were gay. And I was like, oh, that's what gay is. Sorry.

You've got to jump there. This is so much, and I can't believe it was six years in. And this has been brought up. Let me just, let's just go through this. So there's a St. Paul's School. So this is maximum of year six. Yeah, but it definitely wasn't year six. So year five maximum.

I'd say it was year five, yeah. Okay. And so you're nine, nine, ten years old. Yeah. Right, cool. So you were sent to Yorkshire gays at nine years old to teach you what gay was

in your house. No, they weren't sent to teach me what gay was. But when they were in my house, I'd only been around... But they knew they were gay. They were out at nine. No, no, no. What I meant was, they weren't, you know...

Are they necking on? No, they weren't getting together. Were they fucking... No. But, like, it was obvious that when they grew up, they were going to be out homosexuals. They were camp.

Yeah. Was there anything apart from the fact they were on a netball team? No, no, no. Have you just gone... Netball, there's two out, homosexual nine-year-olds here. Mad, I've learned about being gay now. No, I mean, it was the first time I'd encountered lads of my age.

Definitely playing sport who would, like, a little bit different to me. I was like, oh, I think they're gay. And I think I'd ask my mum as well. And she was like, I don't know. They're any kids. I'm not sure they know yet, but, you know, that's a thing. Your mum was like, my gay dad's up. I can't tell you, like, how different my mom and dad would have reacted to that.

My mom and dad would have been like, yeah, they're gay dad. they're going to kiss each other later. My mum was, she was like, yeah, I'm not sure they know you, but like, you're not wrong to have to, because they are a little bit different to you. So, everyone around with the lads who play footy, and, you know, some of us might have been gay

and still gay now, silently, but none of us were like, you know. I don't play footy. Yeah. It's good, like I can. We smoke them of 40, and they're absolutely blathered us at that ball. How can you be silently gay?

There's not where you're taking a cock up, you're not making the news. No. Just sing show tunes Maybe that's your thing But if you It's like if you get bummed in the woods And no one drowned to hear it

Does anyone hear it? You definitely got bummed though Don't you? I never got bummed No if you get bummed in the woods Come on That doesn't wait Because you were around

What I mean was I think And you think And we know There are friends In our friendship group Who are gay from that time And still all out Oh is that what you were doing

Yeah From school? Yeah Yeah Got our suspicions And a couple of lads Yeah Because they play netball in Yorkshire

if you know what I mean. Yeah, we fucking, Wuddlesford, remember that? It's all got this scar. It's like, Joker. It's how we got this scar. Because one of them tried to kiss you. Dogging it by a bottle.

What? We were playing a game where we turn the light. Was it spin the bottle? No, no, we, we turned the lights out in, we were in Wuddlesford, and we were throwing things across the room with each other in the pitch, blah.

And an oasis bottle, hit me in the eyebrow. Scarved me. like the joker plastic yeah like the top of it near the um where the lid it's like a harder plastic oh right know how i got these scars a waste of bottle in wuddlesford that's been some of the wildest podcast then you've whipped out for ages yeah remember never forget and then

like 9-11 show 9-11 and then uh we got um there only in the second bottle at you knew it was an attack home. I want to be made to dads. Do you ever kidda? His dad drove his own and he was gone 500 miles now on the motorway and I'll never forget it. Again, I'll never forget.

Did you go to, did you do other tournaments as well? Did you like go to different schools and play? I didn't play for the school team because I did Fuzzy Childs in year 7. Too good. No, mate.

You need to go to Barcelona. They told me I'd be on the B team, and I've always just had the sort of arrogance of, you can fuck off. I was like, I'm not playing for the B team. You just think I am? That's when he got into basketball. That's what B. St. I was all right,

but also our school was, like, our year was full of, like, lads who played for academies, and they were just better. I was like, I'm not playing for the fucking B team. So during the chess club. The C team. I played a few games with the chess club.

Yeah? Why did you go for that? Russia? They used to be tournaments. the university so all the schools that had chess clubs would go to the university and play there you play game 24 did you ever play that what's that oh did you just not do that we did game 24 tournaments but that was in primary school there's like these square cards that had four numbers on it and you had to make 24 out of them numbers and it was like a race like you did them numbers 24 well it was like

you could do any kind of son but you had to get 24 like countdown but like quick but like quick. Were you in a high set for maths? Yeah, everything, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But that was the only primary school. Secondary school, we did, we did a white water rafting tournament. I don't know how that worked.

The blackheads went allowed. Sounds like his class of hell done being told us. And we'd never done it before. They just went, you go into this. What? I did you lose? Die. Well, no, it's a race,

isn't it? Oh, right. It's a race, but none of us had ever rafted before. So we rafted like our lives depended on it. Which they did.

They did. What else did we do? Oh, we won the Mr. Earth competition, the five of the side. Mr. Earth. Do you guys, you guys wouldn't know Mr. Earth. He's like a giant triangle

that's like multi-coloured. Rills mental, man. No, this is Wales. This isn't just real. Mr. Earth. Mr. Earth. You are double D. Mr. Earth.

None of those letters that you said is in that way. You are double D and his name's Earth. Mr. Erd. So double D is the in Welsh. So your mouth's got a pair of

Vs. Look at the VZ on it. Stupid. I mean, there's a new euphemism. Mr. Eard was like a giant triangle. and he used to come out like a couple of times a year like a big foam like mascot

and he used to run the competitions. Who was in her? Loads of schools in Wales but we were... No, no, who was in Mr. Eelv? I don't know, he's just a guy, Mr. Ith, it's just Mr. Eith. Oh, wasn't a teacher? No, I don't think so. I think they hired him in. I don't think it's like Mr. Blobby.

Like, they can only be like one. Well, all the kids in Wales in your year know this thing. I reckon every kid in Wales that went to school in Wales would know Mr. Earth. Right. Let me find him. And what did he do? What did he talk?

No, he just, like, won the competition. How are they're standing again? You are double D. You are. Oh, he looks like onagiri. I don't know lies. He looks like an onigiri. Oh, my good God.

It's a rice, nice. Right? Looks like a watermelon lollipop. It does. What's, means the, and what was the competition? So he was part of the ice steadford.

What are you, can you speak English, please? He was part of the Ice Stedthod. You know what the Ice Stadford is, no? Yeah. Have you become more Welsh? Since I'm last seen you. No, no.

See, Ice steadfod is like a... Ice steadfod? Ice steadfod, yeah. Which is like... I love it how he does a little Welsh accent for it. Ice steadfod. It's like...

Why is it like we could post... This is gonna get more Welsh. It's a festival in Klangotland, which is... You need a drink. It's a festival in Klangotland where they like do like poetry and singing and dancing and all that stuff every year.

And then they have, they called a gadair, the chair. The person wins, like, sits on the big chair and it's like, King of the castle, King of the castle, I have a chair. But they won, like, the poetry competition. All the schools from North Wales come to Langothlin to do... If you enter it, yeah. The Welsh Child Championship.

Mr. Ear does, like, other competitions. Like, we didn't do the... We didn't do the poetry. we did the five aside because it was mainly in Welsh if you had to do the poetry and we weren't a first language Welsh school. My brother did it

because he went to a Welsh school. Did he take Welsh in school? Secondary school, yeah. I started in a Welsh school high school and then I didn't like it. Oh, did you go to a new school with that guy? No, no, no.

So they did like in primary school the last term of primary school if you went to the Welsh school, you started going there then. Oh, right. And they like started, they was like an intensive Welsh course, but I didn't like it.

It was too clicky. Does that like the language? Afrikaans. To an Afrikan school. So I signed off and went to a real high. Did you ever have that... Not like this, mum. Why have they sent me to go

an African school? Did you ever have that giraffe that came to school in the van? With the books. Yeah, we had the draft book guy. You had the giraffe in the van? Yeah.

Wasn't he? Toys out of us. What happens? The Krik in a van. A giraffe had come. in a van, like a library van. It was more like a bus, wasn't it?

The mobile library? Yeah, but it was a... The mobile library was heavy. Remember that? Yeah, but it was a draft that drove it. I just remember book fares me? Yeah, you never went, though. I did?

In primary school? Yeah, the mobile voucher for a quick book. That was the best. The mobile library is unbelievable. I used to go home at a menu, go mummo and all these books, buy me all these, and she'd be like, no, I'm not...

Fuffy Mad 3. Wow. Absolutely page the enemy. She wrote it. Could you enjoy it if you'd not read one and two? No. It's absolutely integral. Because you don't know died in the previous ones.

No, don't do a spoiler. It was a fact that it goes literally insane from his love of football and murderers all his mates. It's a Evanton fan. So did the giraffe drive the bus? No, they'll be silly. I assume so, but again, I was like eight. Did you ever see the giraffe get out the van?

Maybe, I don't know I swear the giraffe was just like a mascot It wasn't, it was like a plushy In my head it's like the Toys R Us giraffe Yeah, it wasn't real I was a real giraffe Yeah It was a man in a giraffe

It wasn't a giraffe There's millions of Jeffries All under one roof They'd be shitting over the van, Harry No, no, yeah I know it wasn't a real giraffe But it was still like the giraffe That drove the van and got the books

It was Edwin, it wasn't fit in the cabin It was only like a little, it was essentially like a converted transit van for us because there's only 10 people in my year. What set were you in? Were you in top set? Did you mean what set was he in? There's 10 people. In secondary school. There was 10 sets and that's going to be one kid in every class.

I was like, there was me and this other girl who called Chloe, we did, who had like 10 siblings. We did like the high school level stuff. Is that the Chloe you're still friends with? No. Is that Chloe I'm friends with? Yeah. I think so. I don't know.

It's not that Chloe. Chloe. It's not that Chloe. anyway. Shout out, Chloe. What about in Bigska? Were you in top set then? Yeah, I was... Listen, I know I'm like...

I've all these stuff around the house, but I was like a pro... I wasn't top set for P... I mean... Were you going to say prodigy then? I was a prodigy. No, you're still an intelligent point out. I was top 3% in the country for English.

I could speak it dead well. You couldn't speak it then? Yeah, and then I did four A levels, which was a mistake. I don't know why. Everyone else had more time off than me. What did you do at A level? Geography, history. English language and media.

Yeah, see, as someone who's on the other side of the curriculum, we have no respect for people like you. Three of those are respected. History is just like remembering what happened. Geography is just remembering where stuff is. English is just, oh, what did he mean by the curtains of red? Oh, he made it as wife. What was the one you did?

That's English. That's it. That's English later. Media. Media is watching the telly. We did watch films like. There's no right answers there, though. You should all get calculators out.

We can't get calculators out for the next. English, mate. I went to Crosby Beach for my geography coursework. No, because so bollocks, isn't it? There's not been verifiable about it. Yeah, that's why it's harder, because there's no verifiable answer. It's absolutely not harder. It's more subjective, isn't it?

Yeah. One has one equals two. Did you do general studies? Was that still the thing when you did you air levels? No. We didn't do that either. That wasn't a thing. It was still in other schools though, but we didn't do it. Wait, what? General studies? That's the way, that's how I got in uni, because I fucked off media A level. The only reason I got in uni is because there was a

general studies exam. You couldn't revise for it. You got a proper A level. It was just basically do you know a little bit about everything and you if you get lucky and you can blag, you get a fucking A level. What do you mean a little bit about everything? Was it like cooking? It's general

studies. It's just So is it like a bit? What's on the world food hours and ASDA? Yeah it's mainly about ASDA. That's certain though, isn't it? No, it's just it's not any one particular subject and it's just total pot look what you get. A little bit of history, a bit of world affairs.

You don't, there is no general studies class. Oh. You just roll up to the exam and it's, if you might know something about it or if you can blag like you do, it's basically have you got like a general perspective? Who's your mum's least favorite neighbor on the streets and explain why?

48,000 words. Two subjective. I've got a B and managed to get into uni with it. So can you just... What a lot of shit that was. Can you do your A levels and then go on with it? that as well or is that a dedicated slot? Oh, you had to do general studies at our college.

You ain't studying, you went doing anything during the... No, there's no general studies classes whatsoever until the exams. And then they were like, yeah, and now it's your general studies. And that got me, without that, I'd have only had two A levels because I've been media for being a lot of shite, which it was. A dental. Similar thing we had was called Welsh Baccalaureate in college, which was the same as that, which, but it was kind of the opposite.

It was all coursework and no exam. But it was either an A or nothing. It was a Welsh baccalaure it after me too. They got it or didn't. You either got... You're going to show those potatoes. I've got a full Welsh baccalauree in the fridge. Yeah, it was either...

It was either pass which was equivalent to an A at A level or nothing. That's a high risk qualification. Everyone got it pretty much. Right, so it's not an A then, is it? It's more like a C. No, no, no, but for you, Cass, it was equivalent to an A. What's going to happen with AI now?

Because all the kids can just... Like, you see that uni students in the States? I don't know what uni it was. He got his degree, like the ceremony, and then he's flexing on the camera. It's chat GPT, showing all his coursework. Yeah, like universities can't rescind someone's degree. They can take the degree off you.

It's probably it's really difficult too, but I don't understand what's going to happen. I bet it won't be. They'll change the rules, though, won't they? What's I'm saying? Because coursework, surely now. Because the difficult part of it was, like, working out what you want to write.

If chaty PT basically goes, you know, here's the outline, Show you're a piece of piss. Yeah, but in the marking, they're going to have AI detectors, aren't they? No, no, I'm not saying you're using AI to just write your coursework. That's stupid. Yeah, but you're going to get caught eventually.

But, I mean, it's doing so much of the legwork for you. I think it's so new that the world hasn't reacted to it yet, structurally. And I think it'll have to. So I just think stuff like coursework and things that AI, by literally just typing into chat, GPC, help me with this. That's just not markable anymore. That's what I mean? It, like, and these AI detectors are just not going to be able to keep up with

AI getting better at it. Like, it'll just, it'll find a way to not be detected. Yeah. Like, they're just going to have to, anything that could be helped with their AI is just not going to be markable. And then, it's going to have to be, like, just written, court, I don't know, like, you've got 12 hours in the, I don't know. But everything's going to have to be like an exam.

So you've got, so, under exam conditions. You've got 12 hours to come in and write your, your court. You can bring notes in. You could have come and write your call. But then there's huge criticisms about exam conditions and how they affect how people actually react to... But then also you're going into the real world where you'll be able to use AI for almost everything.

So why are you making the exam conditions unlike the future workplace? Because the point of university and stuff is to show you've got the capacity to learn. No, but I think there's a lot of people within the AI sphere that just believe that knowledge, not intelligence, not sort of ability, not, you know, natural talent, but knowledge

is becoming pointless. You don't need to know anything because you can always, like, genuinely, you can just, you technically, the next step, really, is that we all get a fucking micahchiping our dad and we've got access to the internet from our brain and we immediately know everything.

And every pub quiz is ruined forever. Right, turn your chips off, everyone. Your phones are basically like an extension of us anyway, they're always in our hands. You've got knowledge, you've got access to all the information. You don't need it in your head because it's in this. What happens with higher education rules? It's just fucked.

Genuinely, what happens in 10 years when it's properly integrated? But I think that's pretty low down on the list of concerns with AI in terms of like the absolute mass unemployment that's going to come because... No, I agree, but I think, I don't know, it's more of a good... I think that's such a big concern.

I think that's a really big one. Yeah. The capacity of a learning is just, going to go away. Everyone's going to be doing theatre studies, purists. Well, no, creativity is going to be an in-demand thing. And, like, we're so lucky to have this, because this can't be replaced by AI, really.

Well, it sort of can, but it'll just, it'll become human-made is going to become a thing. Yeah. So the mass will be AI-made, and then human-made will be... It's like, you know what I mean? Like three range eggs. Almost. But like, for example,

if Etta or Jack brings a picture home from school, it's probably shit in it. You're still gonna put it on your fridge. Do you mean? Yeah. Because it's your child made it. Right. Like, that's better than like,

you know, if, that's more than a Van Gogh to you. Do you mean? I mean, in terms of selling it on, no. No, but like to you. If they brought a picture home of something, you wouldn't be given a fuck,

but if you brought a painting that they'd done, you're like, oh, you made that. Yeah, yeah. So it'll be like, that people will want human-made stuff because it's like oh like if you know if like a if a dog did a painting it wouldn't have to be very good for people to be like fucking hell that's sick that because dogs are not like painters they're not good painters so i've always said that they've got a

opposable thumbs so ruff i al humans is like yeah saw that you try it i was i was like the roll of yeah vinci vincent van wuff nice that was great finch and dog Percas wuff. Yeah, no, I think I think they'll be like on Spotify they'll have to be like a... Oh, we're still doing...

Okay, go on. Fucking hell. Michael Angelo, Woff. Do we need a break? Dogatello. Dogotello. Dogotello's good. We need to break.

Doing Ninja turtles. Versace in it? Dogatello, Versace. Designing handbags. Have a break. A human made break. How did that come up? We're talking about fantasy.

We're talking about sexy Doctor Who? Yeah. Is there a sexy Doctor Who? I said every fantasy world has got a naughty underbelly. Like the fan fiction's always like, and Harry's shoved. There's one-up Omaney's... Oh, yeah, because it goes rogue, and then people are like, what if Doctor Who was fucking someone?

Yeah, yeah, okay. What if Drake, always cock was out in this scene? Aloha horror. Yeah. Yeah. And you were talking about, you know, a woman who's into a roster. Yeah, yeah. Every woman now.

or a Catherine Nightingale that I'm married to. She is a book smut. LCN, most of them are. I mean, a lot of them are. I know that these are getting... Is she into it? Are you mental?

Oh, she's bang into it. Oh, yeah, they've discussed... Oh, my word. Wet notes. So, what were you saying about the Fairnees? Whoa, whoa. Different conversation. I don't mind them.

You know, the Yorkshire ones are all right. She'd be news. She told me. me yesterday. I don't know. Again, you know, when you can't, I can't tell you the origin of this conversation, but we were talking about her fantasy books, because I'm into it, because it's revved her engine. Like, her reading this fantasy sexy stuff, that Akatar and all the other ones, she's into sex now more, which is great. So I've shown an interest. It's just a little improvement. She's like, oh, she does it for me. She's like, who's in the playoffs? And I'm like,

oh, this team's playing and she knows that. You basically, you've got a new mats for the car. Yeah, because she keeps gushing in them. So she's saying about the fairies in the, because they're not fairies like you think, they're not like Tinkerbell. These guys are fucking ripped like fairies. They're not like me in the DMV special. They are not fairy boy.

All right, my love. They can smell when a woman is wet from like, like, you know, sharks can smell blood in the water. I can smell with a woman's on a period sometimes. That's quite a cobblower. isn't her? You're a bit of a bear, aren't you?

What I mean? A big gay man. Bears can smell period blood, can they? Or is that a myth? Sharks can smell blood? Can't bears tell when someone's on their period?

No, I think they can smell blood. Bears are land sharks. Sharks can smell when a woman's on a period. She's swimming. Well, oh, right, yeah. If she's out of the water. That beach, fucking out.

Also, you say... Hang on, we're burying the lead here. No, you can't. You can. Yes, I can. That is such a... Because of the irony smell. Like, they've got it.

Yeah, they smell. Like off Guinness? Google that. So you walk in the room. What? And you're like, right, she's on. No, he's not like, for a pinpoint in here.

No. No, but like, if I'm at, like, I don't know, a swaree. Oh. Googly? And I get, like, what you want me to Google?

Can some men smell if women are on their period? You can, depends how close you are, isn't it? That's just genuine. What? I know somebody who can look at, but I don't have to get to, like, crotch level.

I can look her right in the eye and now. So you're not smelling it, you're sensing it. No, it's a smell. You frowning it, yeah. It's an irony smell. Iron isn't like the thing, not like she's been doing the iron. You've got a phenomenal sense of smell then.

Can you find, like, cocaine in a different room or something? It smells like period of blood, yeah? Yeah. Oh, Jesus Christ. You've ruined it. Yeah, it's got a whiff, honey. No. It has?

No. Good. I mean, a clothed woman. You just walk into a large room. What? Why are we even entertaining this as a thing? It's a thing. Like, some fellas can do it.

I think, I don't, I think it's if she's got, like, one of those sanity pads on and it's currently, like, soaked, do you know what? Oh, my God. You move it on them. Can we organise this,

like a police line up and we just get you to sniff women? No, we are not the podcast. Some men can change, notice difference in their partner's sent or novelation and menstruation. This is used a whole model cues rather than...

You missed a keyword in that first. sentence, didn't you? Didn't you? Claim. Some man claim. Yeah, it's an verifiable fact. It can't verify what you can smell. This could be due to hormonal cues rather than conscious scent detection. I can't smell.

I can't prove to your point there, haven't you? I ignore that last one. Yeah. If there's a bleeding pussy in the room, I can just tell. What? God. Well, the fairies. Bleeding vagina?

Also, this, I can smell at a mile off. What if there's loads of women in that mile square radius? Isn't you just smelling? Hang on, who are we talking about now? Fantasy fairies or Adam. The fairy. I know she's smelling the wet. He's not smelling the...

Well, he must be always smelling it. John Charles can do it as well, by the way. Yeah, that's who I'm thinking of. Yeah, he can do it as well. Not he can do it. No, he's the one who sort of like bent me onto it. What a turn of phrase, that is. Do you know what I mean?

That's quite the scouse turn of place, isn't it? Bend over. Can you smell a woman on a period? He told me, like, it was that... Remember when we used to do the Secret Sunday's gig, ghetto golf? Clan. there was a, like, a girl who was like, oh, great show, whatever.

And as she left, John was like, she's on the blob, right? And I was like, she seemed quite happy. I don't know what you mean. And he was like, no, she's like, I can smell it. And then I was like, was that what that is? And now I can smell it. I thought he was off Guinness. Yeah.

Yet this fairy thing, surely within. Carl, let me just give you this. Mmm. Smooth. Let's drive you. It's going back. We're going back. Surely within this,

surely within a mile square radius of any man, there's a wet woman. It's like rats in London. Yeah. Like surely within a mile of us now, there's a lady who's aroused. Yeah, it's a nightmare for a fantasy fairy. They must be always...

They're constantly horny. They're like, Uncle Fangis? Yeah. And that is a good thing, apparently. Like, heightens the sexuality. It's an important part of the book. That no woman can get excited without a fairy going, Uncle Fangil?

It's a lot. lot of, it's a lot of this erotic stuff that the girls are into, fantasy stuff. Majority of it, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Why, though?

It's the takeaway, like, the 50 shades of grey thing was about like, oh, that's a bit weird, and this is like, it's fine, they're all orcs with big cocks. So there's no rules.

Yeah. No, there's, the smuts in different genres, I think the fantasy one is the most popular one. Apparently, Cowboys, there's a whole series of,

the Cowboys are real. Yeah, yeah, cowboys are real. So if you're just, Your mum told you there's a lot of gay stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they can smell a wet horse pussy

from a mile away. She's in season, boy! No, it's so horses. Basically, horsey fantasy. So cowboy fantasy, massive. Yeah. There's the hockey one,

but that's gay. The gay hockey one? There's heated rivalry. That's a TV show. But it was from a book? Oh, was it? But that's not fantasy, is it? Hockey's real?

No, again, Isn't it? Just break from the fantasy bit. This is what they're writing smut about. They're taking it away from just... The fancy ones are the most popular ones. There's like a whole load of different series on that. And then they're like, they're trying other ones to see what gets the...

There's a golf one. There's a golf one. There's a golf one. Yeah. It's the PGA from the 1970s. Yeah. It's John Daly. He's just cock out all the time.

Cannot put to save his life. Can you smell pussy boys? Damn. I'm too over. Nightmare. There's a Nazi occupied Greece one. That's fucking horny as well. Did they occupy Greece?

Did the Nazis occupy Greece? There's got to be women. I've got a Nazi fantasy. Yeah. Did they why? Because they were trying to take over the world. Greece? Were they in Greece?

Yeah, I think they were. One of the last ones that, surely. I think Greece would have thought back. They were definitely in Crete. I agree. Yeah. Yeah. April

1941 until October 1984 Oh, that's a big occupation Then they got driven out By who? Us guys Oh did we go over and go off your pop Get out of Greece

Gives Gives the cababs That's it You're free You don't deserve Any giros I want a dessert I want a cheap kebab

Yeah We went to Crete On holiday When I was a kid The British Oh Was the Nazis Just after the war

There was Nazis there We just did that 1944 holiday We were like, where should we go? It's Greece occupied But we didn't have the internet So we just flew over And like loads of Nazis around here

Should have waited a year We helped with the liberation of Greece But the kebabs were worth it Now we went to Crete as on holidays A kid and we went in a bakery And I was only eight or nine years old at the time And I remember There was a German family in front of us

And the woman, It was a bakery or a cafe Served the German family with like the eggiest customer service you've ever seen to the point it was like so cold and they were just a young German family because she knew they were German and then they left and as soon as she realized

we were English it was like it was a different person serving us so friendly because I think the British were part of the Allied forces that liberated Crete they were eating Nazi but Tziki they can't all be winners he says after his third home goal of the game I was not backhand into the net there's no reminence of the Natis in Greece is there

he don't go there there's like bomb churches or not I mean what you don't know anything about Greece ruins in Greece are the Nati ruins though yeah we blame the Nazis look at this the Acropolis

gone thank you Hitler that's a bit smart for me for him though because surely he wanted to the raise all that I'm like, bomb that an acropolis. And an acropolis.

Why would he want to erase allah? Because he wanted to start like a new, new ting, didn't he? Yeah, but he wanted everything to look like. Oh, did they? Yeah, yeah. The designs for all the new cities. What were the designs?

Was it like Hitlerland? Have you not seen his little models? I mean, Berlin. A lot from him, you come out of his mustache. He had little diaramas, didn't he? Did he? Go on, teach us, Dan. Let's do some Dan versus history.

He had an architect called Braun. His wife for him. And he ended up going into toothbrushes because of the guilt. Could you just check? Wasn't his wife either, but on? No, yeah, I can't remember what his architect was called. But Hitler was obsessed with like, when we... Albert Spear.

Spear. Sorry. Inventive to Spear, of course. Yeah. Of course. He had Hitler. There's loads of pictures of Hitler. Call up the spear. With like his future city centres.

And he was like, oh, it's going to look good and the log flumes there. And then we'll have like a Mackey's there. But it'll be like, the best Macies in the world. And then we're going to have multi-story car park,

but only for the Germans. It's like Catwalk Hitler. Now, this is how I spoke. Yeah, we're going to have a really nice, like Boulevard, no Jews, you know? Is there any audio recordings

of actual Hitler? Yeah. At long. Yeah, yeah. The Nuremberg rally when it's like, guys, we're going to have a really good for.

You know, why, because the are the best. So, basically, he was an amazing orator. It's like, you know,

get some out of the country and have a good time. So he wanted to enjoy everyone's countries with their stuff in it. He didn't want news, like, would he go to like Rio de Janeiro

and I'll keep that big Jesus. No, he never got to Brazil. Got close, mate, Argentina. Also,

I don't think he was in Greece going, Vem exists. like the sunny parts of Germany. I think by then they were just in a fucking war and having to fight on different battle. Like, Hitler ever went on an holiday?

Like on a little beach holiday? Do I reckon you ever did like an all-inclusive? They were into spars. They loved a spa weekend. All of the Nazis right through the 30s. Like a load of the meetings they had and important moments in Nazi history were like a spa weekend.

But do you reckon like they ever, was that not so they weren't like getting wiretapped? We've had this conversation because I said he would have had guns and you're like, why to shoot each other? We're doing the Benito thing again. No, but do you think they ever did like a lads olidy like him and Gables and Himmler?

Do you reckon they ever, like, do you reckon they've ever been like all in the same queue for the same water slide? Zanty. When did water slides get invented? I think that was... Thousands of years. Albert Waterslide.

It was... Like, water slides are BC? Jesus was on a water slide. He could have just walked. 1906. Where was the first water slide? BC. New Zealand. See? 4,000 years ago.

New Zealand. Now, the first. Kiwis, mate. They got there first. Are they pre or post roller coaster? Surely pre. No. Roller coasters before 906. They came from mining, didn't he? 1884. There was rollercoasters.

Coney Island. Oh, you're taking a fucking Coney Island. So Hitler could have gone on the big dipper And a water slide They went six miles an hour That's not very fun You could walk faster So I'm going to have water slides

In the middle of Berlin And then a roller coaster We're going to go really fast Like 10 miles an hour Crazy speeds Was that Albert speed or Hitler? They're not as Hitler They didn't have a ghost train did they

Oh I know there's a joke in there somewhere But don't want to do it Even as Hitler Eventually there you go who knew Calver would do it

everybody they set up holiday destinations though that was a big thing yes they did holiday destinations and they gave people

Volkswagen beetles if they were like good Nazis that's a punishment that they belters that's back then that's how the beetle was invented

but Volkswagen don't want to tell you that so where were the old digaffs sunny parts Jeremy I don't know I've never been to any Nazi old diguffs

allegedly so fairies can smell pussy juice from like a mile off does what that's how that started and Hitler like roller coasters we think

allegedly when I get in trouble I just I've never really like when I think about Hitler which is a lot he has always stood there in his uniform he's in his uniform at work yeah do I mean

oh he's an app getting shit done I just wonder like they never had dressed down Fridays definitely haven't had shorts on in the park oh yeah yeah yeah he's a shorts Definitely, yeah.

Jack him that's ever been Google before. Hitler in short in the park. No, no, no. What have you Googled? Hitler's hopeless. I don't think. Oh my God, it is. No, that's safe.

Oh, it's fake. Yeah, Hitler was jacked, mate. What do you reckon he did for fun though? Hitler on the beach. He used to kiss his knees. Not for fun. His niece or his knees. Kiss me knees.

His niece. for fun? Yeah, he fancied his niece. No, I'm saying what did he do for fun? He didn't go on when I go and kiss my niece today, like, go in the park. Do you know how can he ever played with a yo-yo? And then fingered someone.

Like, what was big in the 30s, Dan? What could you, it was like that thing where you had run around the street with a big metal circle. Don't I mean, remember them? Oh, you had a, you had a yardstick? No, they're like a big, and he just run with it.

You must have had that. Had a hula hoop, and then you, like, ran around and kept it spinning. Yeah, the penny farther. Ribbon on a stick. Yeah. Write your name. Ball in a cup.

Have you ever been to Penny Faventon, then? Have I? I was raised on Penny Fathers. Are they the big ones? Are they the one was with one big way? One big one once more one. That might be the first time the way of Penney Fathers. There is a fucking brilliant video that I saw last week of some hipster

in, I think, L.A. or something, riding a penny father. And a couple of black dudes are like, what the fuck is that? And he gets off. and lets them ride it. Like a LA black dude on a penny father and is a visual you need to see.

Look, motherfucker. It's amazing. L.A. black dude on a penny father. Hila went to beach. I just, like, I've never pictured him doing normal stuff. I've never pictured them, like, loading his boots up in the ASDA,

like I have to do in a big shop. He's like Patrick Kilty, he's always in a suit or Stephen French. Like, I can't. Did you ever want a T-shirt? Jack and he did baby voice with Eva Brum? Oh, what were their little nickname? What were their pet names for each other?

The Fiora? No, that... What's your pet name? Mine's the Fiora. Horvays he was. Well, his friends called him Addy, didn't he? Oh, that when you were away, we talked about this. Oh, really?

Yeah, I've got an anti-Addy. Yeah. Big Daddy Addy to call them. But a... Snooky Pups. What's next time? Yeah, should we do some questions? Boy, actually.

Flammermeet. Are you playing this at the hip-on? No, because it's drum and bass. We're playing hip-hop. The original isn't? The original's like R&B, in it? Yeah. It's what?

Again. Don't get you bog down in the genre, my. R&B isn't hip-al. No, everyone keeps doing this. Eisham was like, I've put some trance on. I was like, well, get it off the playlist then. What the fuck are we doing? It's a hip-hop night, bro.

And R&B is to hip-hip-op either. We'll accept one penny-fathering. Hang on, are you really? going hard and steadfast on your genre. No trance. Yeah, yeah, because... Have you ever had a trance at a country show? Did I ask for drum and bass songs at the country show? No. No. Because it's a country night,

isn't it? Oh, but you were saying, you're asking for ones you know. Yeah, so you can have hip-hop songs you know. You can have hip-hop adjacent. Oh, me. The ruler. R&B? They're different. Thesties child, not hip-hop.

I don't see nothing wrong with a little R&B. I don't see nothing wrong with a bit of... I don't see nothing wrong. Don't happen, why? We're the little drum and bass. But, like, people don't differentiate. It's all the same. Yeah, they do.

If they bought tickets to a hip-hop night, they absolutely do because they're fucking smart. Yeah. Bring your flavour. Bring your pen of fathens. For the end of March. Charles Getting says, Wag-wagglitz, got a question for you.

The other night, my girlfriend, who grew up Catholic, and I were discussing the different patron saints of Catholicism. Turns out these fuckers invent saints for whatever the fuck they want and the Pope grants permission. For example,

St. Bibi Arna, is the patron saint of hangovers. St. Clotide is the saint of disappointing children. St. Allegus is the patron saint of petrol station workers. St. Jermaine Cousin is the patron saint of girls from rural areas, and St. Catherine of Alexandria is the patron saint of unmarried girls, potters, dying people, knife sharpeners, libraries, mechanics, hat makers, secret spinsters, and stenographs.

My question to you, boys, is if you were the patron saint of anything, what would it be? Cheers lids, keep it up with the pod. That's from Charles Getting. Okay, two things. First of all, pussy and second of all.

Is that true? Is they verifiable? What did he say Jermaine Cousin was the patron saint? He said, Saint-Germain cousin is the patron saint of girls from rural areas. No, what's the petrol station, fella? Patron's state of victims of child abuse. Which is apparently kids.

St. Allegius is the patron saint of petrol station workers. E-L-L-I-U-S. E-I-I-O. What was that? E-L-I-U-S. Petty stations. Saint-Elegious.

But surely the Pope doesn't give a fuck about petty stations. Horses and cattle. Charles? Type in petrol station. What are you Googling? Type in petrol station? Just petal station. There's no patron saints of petrol station workers.

St. Catherine of Alexandria. Can we... I know it has come up with St. Allegiance is widely considered the patron saint of petrol stations. As well as mechanics, taxi drivers and all those who work with metal or horses.

But he's never been to one? I don't know. Because of died last week. Who's St. Allegiance? It feels like he was way long ago. Why do you think names die? Why is Allegiance dead? Do you mean?

Well, where's it from? Is that like... Because no one can say it or... spell it. That's one of the problems. Yeah, but the only reason you can't say it or spell it is because no one's using it. Yeah? I probably wouldn't be able to spell Dan if you ain't called Dan. I think you could give it a crap.

Hang on, how you say nothing? D-A-N-N-A-N-H-N-H-H-H-U-H-U-B-A-N-U-B-A-N-U-B-A-L-G-A-L-G-A-L-B-A-R-B-A-RN-B-A-R-L-B-A-R-B-A-R-B-A-R-R-L-B-A-R-R-E. They all come out. But like Daniel would be hard to spell, wouldn't it? If you were new to her. Daniel. You put a Y in it, wouldn't you? Yeah, I suppose so, yeah.

D-A-N-Y-L. Daniel? Daniel. It's probably come from something like that, isn't it? Daniel. I imagine like Shakespeare times. I don't know. I can't.

I don't know if Shakespeare's popped in any Daniels. Is there a patron saint's? Biblical. Is Daniel biblical? Yeah. There's almost definitely a patron saint's hate a pussy. Yeah, surely. Yeah.

You can't take that one. It came from Hebrew and it was D-A-N-I-Y-E-L. Daniel. Daniel. I don't think you should be assuming the gender of that cup of tea.

It's a they-then brew. That's the fucking button. Seinfeld's spitting in it. St. Gianna is already the patron saint's like a pussy. That's not what's written and the Google that you've just done, is it? It's vaginas, but it's all the same to me.

I mean, it is the same. Yeah. I'd be the patron saint of overtaken. I like overtaken. I'd be the patron saint of undertaking. That's... Patron saint of road rage. I love that.

St. Christopher is the patron saint of travelers, motorists and drivers. I'll just have everything. No, that's not specific enough. Overtaken. Patron saint of road rage. Right. So that's what you are.

So if someone gets in road rage, they've started it. So they get out and their wife goes, just leave it, Darren, it's not worth it. They go, don't worry, love. St. Adam's got my back. Yeah. And then they fucking bash the fuck out of it

and you're watching over them. So St Christopher is the patron saint of like hazards on the road. So you'd be like one on one with him. He'd be your op. I'm not having, you can't just click. I'm having overtaken. I'll be St. Chris as well. Could I just skip the patron saint bit

and just like become Adam Christ? So that like every time someone's like pissed off or shocked. Adam Christ. Yeah. Every time they fucking trap the finger. Adam Christ almighty. Is Christ show for Christopher?

You think his name's Jesus Christ? What's his middle name? Because it's Jesus H Christ, in it? Iscariate. Hiscariate? It's not Judas. No, it's Jesus, Judas.

It's Jesus, Judas. Hiscariot, Christopher. What's Christ show for? Is it not Christopher? No. Has he not got like a confirmation name as well, Jesus? You are confirmed. When he was confirmed, the son of God. Apparently his real name was Yeshua.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, because he's Middle Eastern, isn't he? Huh? But it's Josh. He's just Josh Christ. Yeshua? Joshy Christ. Jesus's real name is Josh.

Well, it's Kim. No, he's not. It's Yeshua, isn't it? Josh! I mean, Jesus. I think maybe he's, just over there, man, being like, you're the son of God,

yes you are, yes, you are. Christ means anointed one. That was disgraceful. What was what? Christ means anointed one. So it's Josh Anointed One. They went to score on Jesus Christ. I don't think he,

I think he earned Christ. I don't think he was actually Christ. What does the hate stand for, though? No, I think that's just a saying, isn't it? Jesus H. Christ. It's not as actual. I don't think it's gone of middle name. Hebrew?

Um, yeah, no, it's a, it's like a mistake with his initials. So what is that? What was honest like driving license? There's always license. Jesua? What was Jesus's full name? Hitler, Toplis. Uh, it just says, I think he was just like share.

So he was just Josh. Just Josh, man. It really takes away from the story of Christ when it's just a lad called Josh. Well, it's, it's like of, because it's of Nazareth in it. So it's like, Jan Venigoro of Hesseling. So he's Joshua of Nazda. They just couldn't get it on the back of his shirt.

That's modern, by the way. It was like, Josh. Oh, wait. I don't know. This is on Reddit, so this is, this is,

Joshua Ben Joseph. That sounds right, doesn't it? After the Zah, fella. Play for West Ham. But do you take your stepdad's name if it's not your real dad?

Who's Ben in this? Is that the woman? I think Ben's like off. She actually shagged. Ben here? Dad. This is the, Unbelievable word salad.

I'm going to screech us slightly, but the newest, the newest patron saint is Carlo Acutis, who was a 15-year-old computer programmer who died in 2006. And he's the patron saint of MacBooks. He's the patron saint of the internet.

Oh, that's a big job there, isn't it? It's too modern. It's like being the patron saint to chat GPT. It's too new. Well, he essentially is, isn't he? Carly Cudy. He only died. I remember seeing that story.

He only died a couple years ago, didn't he? He died in 2006, but he was only, he was only canonized last year, September the 7th. 2000. So you were six? They died in 2006 and they only canonized them. What's canonized me? Like, where they make him a patron saint.

Oh, I thought he was fine else for a canon. I thought he died. I thought that's how, like, he buried him and see. But he's, apparently his like... Fuck the boat. Just stay. His nickname is that he's God's influencer.

Oh, that's... I don't like that. So God's got a whiz kid for the internet? Yeah. How did he die this kid at 50? I mean, that must... Because if he died in a, like, in a spixie-wank accident, he's not a patron saying, is it?

Like, his MacBook fell over and killed him. It's got to be internet-related. Otherwise, why is he... That's how it works. The patron saint of pussy didn't die in a pussy accent. So how's he got this? How's he aimed at them? He had paratitis.

He had too many paratets. It's bad breath, isn't it? Jesus, halitosis Christ. There we had too many, it's too many parritoris of all, isn't he died?

Who's the patron saint to 9-11? There must be one. Bin Laden. There might be one of like terrorism. Habitat. Patron saint of terrorism. Is there a saint Osama?

Do you know, I'd never heard the name Muhammadata until the Finn Taylor episode and I think I've heard that name about 100 times this week. He was the head. You know, like when you get a new car and you see a new car everywhere.

Mahamadatta's everywhere. He was the lead. Yeah, but I didn't know that. Like, why did I only find that out last week? That's bad. And now it's everywhere. The passport he found on the curb. I didn't even know about that.

Really? Yeah. Oh, well. Yeah. That's one of the biggest conspiracies is why did he find the passport of the lead hijacker randomly on the curb? But he was bodies bent. Mm-hmm. Who's the patron saint's terrorism?

Um, unofficially Osama bin Laden. I think he's earned that as well, man. But he put the grafting. He played for the other team, didn't he? Real recognizes real. He don't want a good terrorism patron saint, do you? That's smart. You don't want someone

who's dead good at terrorism. Oh no, no, you want someone who's dead good, but I mean you don't want to encourage other people. You're like, he's a bad guy. Yeah. You don't want other people to go, I want to be just like the Patriot's hate terrorism.

What terrorists do? He is the goat, terrorist. So I was, I'm like, obsessed with some people at home, but... Was Hitler not a terrorist? I know. Back to Hitler. Was he not a terrorist?

No, I think it was a bigger than that, would he? So is he not the goat? No. He's bigger than terrorism itself. If I say terrorist to you, your brain goes to Osama bin Laden. It'd be a wild one for the... Again, it's just everywhere. It'd be a wild one for the Pope to be like,

listen, guys, he's got the numbers. Also, I don't think Osama bin Laden was to go terrorists because he didn't even get involved. He just told everyone what to do. Uber does not cars. Steve Jobs, didn't invent the iPhone. He just told one of his workers to. Yeah, but Uber's the best taxi company.

They don't know any taxis. No, but we're talking about... Like, that is right. Steve Jobs. If you think the owner of Uber isn't the best Uber driver? He's the taxi goat though, probably in the world. He's not the goat to Uber driver. He's the goat of terrorism, then he's not the goat terrorist.

Is he not just like the manager? Yeah, he's like the Carlo Antrolotti. Yeah, yeah, he's overseeing. He's just letting other people do their thing. And maybe they do a little bit of terrorism in his youth. They've got a terrorism academy. He wasn't, he was fucking playing fussy with Dom Johnny. No, but maybe in this youth he was like, yeah, yeah,

I just wasn't good enough to make it to win into a management role. Yeah, brilliant vision. Yeah. Tactically, it was a movie. I can't drive a l'isboash. Yeah, you can't get out of it from injury. Yeah, it's his knee. He's 25.

He's like, I'll just go into the, you know, I'll go off. Assama, you're getting on the plane? Ah, my knee's playing up. I'll stay here in the cave. I'll tweet about it. Get on me. I don't tell her this week. Asana, you're getting on the plane?

That would have given it away at the airport, weren't it? Yeah. Hang on, we're waiting for our mate of Osama. Been lading? No, no. Christopher. So Osama belong. was like Dennis Burkamp.

Hang on. Sorry. Can I ask a question? Why would that have given in a way? They were waiting for Osama Bin Laden. I thought he was mates with them then. I thought like 9-11 was him like breaking away. He was the most ones man in the world. Pre-9-11, I think. I didn't. I thought, no.

No, because they're at the airport about to hijack a plane like, not to a terrorist, not a terrorist, not a terrorist. And they go, Assama, you're getting on for the hijacking? No, I thought you meant like, oh, like the US has been like, that's Osama bin Laden. He's a terror. I didn't think he was. I thought it was.

Robbie Williams. I have to take that. It's like a big deal. Oh no, he was already. I really, he'd already killed so many Americans. You were watching the documentary of me were in Africa. I was kind of half paying attention to it. But you get, he falls asleep to 9-11 documentaries.

It explains so much. That's a lie. I listen to the coding the unknown, which is my favorite. And if you finish a YouTube video and don't skip because you fell asleep. And I left one might start. No, you're watching the, Michael Moore documentary. Oh, no, I put it, I put,

a fan night nine 11, because you'd never seen her. No, no, no, no. It was already on and I went, I've never seen this. I wasn't falling asleep to it. I was watching it. No, we fell asleep to it.

We turned the television off. No. I fell asleep to the television off and I was watching it. Pretty much. Well, it's before, just before you go to bed, you don't want to be watching 9-11.

You want to watch happy things. Like, Rugrats. Like, cats, like, falling off, like, like, little sofas. that's what Finn does the fallen cat I just watch gang bang porn me

should have a break and go and have some lunch I think we need a great question Charles Getty we have sure he tick the bingo card off there that's ultimate gas leak hey everyone

Dan and Finn from the Havreward podcast that you're watching and listening to this coming up is a clip from our most recent Patreon special the very popular Dungeons and Dragon Special. Have a look, see what you think.

Feel enticed. Patreon.com slash have a word pod. This is a dragon. He doesn't look tired, he doesn't look too injured. But I'm still low underneath him, dungeon master, dragon master. Also, just as above the table thing, look, as your friend, I would like you to go well.

As your dungeon master, I can't promise. Well. Hey, we've got this sorted, Dan. Tell me for him. Your natural thing will be like, fucking twatting a dragon. Yeah. But if I

tried to suck him off and he likes it, does he lose a go because he's enjoying getting goshed off so much? Are you sucking him off with strength because it's a big dragon deck?

Yeah. Or are you sucking him off with dexterity in the times of... When Dwight sucks someone off he uses all his power. If you get 15 or higher, absolutely he loses his next time just through being confused.

Come on, Dwight. This for the best drag and blow job you've ever seen. We're in a hurry today because Harry's getting a tattoo done and Carl's getting his bathroom bummed or something. You get me bathroom bummed. Now the new one's getting delivered and they go, we'll deliver it between half six.

When you say the bathroom's getting delivered, I imagine like a fully formed bathroom turning up and just be like that. They crane it in. Yeah, they just take your roof off and just pan. Oh, you've got one of those new German bathrooms. They just put it on the roof.

I'd love that. But no, it's all the components of a bathroom. But they go, yeah, we give you a time period of 14 hours. Make sure you're in. But I'm not in. Is it like an IKEA bathroom then? Like you've got to build it? Have you not got a safe place for the bathroom?

Yeah, inside the house. Oh, you bring doorbell? I'm mate, yeah. Just leave that behind a bush there. No, I'm on my way home, yeah. Full bathroom. Have you seen you can bet on whether there's going to be a nuclear bomb that goes off? Like on when it will go off.

We're talking polymarket? Polymarket is big now. You can bet on Jesus coming back. Yeah. And apparently if you just... I think that one's a better bet, in it? No, but if you bet a grand every year,

you win something like three quid. Yeah. And it's just constant money for it. I think it's like 97.5 cents to the... On Jesus coming back? Dollar that he's not... Because they're basically just using your grand.

Because you'd make more on interest. They're using your grand to, you know, be a company. But you are gaining money over the year because Jesus ain't real. Whoa. You heard it here first. He's his H real.

I just don't know, because I'm led to believe, and I mean, I imagine Dan will be able to tell me about this more than me. If one nuclear bomb goes off, they'll all go off, won't he? They'll just be fucking murder.

Like, if we bomb, like, someone with a nuclear bomb, one of their mates will bomb us and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Yes. So surely you just, we should all be lumping on there not being a nuclear bomb going off because then if it doesn't go off, we get more money and if it does go off

we're not going to have any money anyway there's no money yeah yeah what's the odds uh fin what nuclear war this year no it's like sort of one to go off by the end of March one to go off by Easter

it's an ACA yeah um there's so much you can bet on nuclear wise uh Iran nuke before 2027 no it was like to go off like next

week or something? I can't find that one. There's no chance around so many though. There's so many that you can... Have you seen much streamers or they would know? Have you seen you can... There's live footage of intersections around the world. Yeah.

Do you use like security cameras of like, you know, say like a left turn in Vegas or something? You can bet on how many cars turn and streamers are watching it and go on, I need eight cars to turn left here. Lower stakes than the nuclear winter one is it? Yeah, yeah. But they're better like a grand on cars turning left

and there's a traffic jam. fucking kick off. Unless one of the cars has a nuclear bombing. Wow. Then you get two bets coming. That's a hell of a double that. Eight cars left and a bomb. Say if someone tells Kim Jong-un about the bet,

surely the bet's void. That's like inside the trading. It's like when... It's like when that goalkeeper for certain United States of pie, he knew that people had bet on him. Yeah, and he got suspended, yeah?

So Kim Jong-un would get suspended. I'm sure Kim Jong-un needs money. He just makes money. Okay, whoever's in charge of nukes in like... I mean, there's always... some level of insider trading. Do you know what I mean? Like Hugo Eckerti K knows full well

that I'm betting on him to score. Well, not me specifically, but someone's betting on him to score. Yeah. That makes him try harder. He's like, no one's better on me, man. What's the point?

Do I mean? Yeah. No, yeah. But Polly markets taking over so much that they think, like, in the future, you're going to be able to, like, bet on, like, reality shows and stuff. You already cannot.

but I mean like certain things to happen and they're going to like dictate the the narrative of the show based on the betting. How do you want a polymarket chain? How do you want a polymarket chain? Is that a nursery rhyme? He wore a polymarket chain for his fight against Gaci.

It was a half a million dollar chain. Oh yeah. He used to be at New Joshua's or maybe it's a different one. But they gave him it as his payment to wear it. Polymarket is a betting site. It's an unregulated. I think it's unregulated. Like steak is, I know.

I think it's unregulated. Is it like dark web? bit bit... No, I mean, it's on Google. Oh, right, okay. It's still a bit like... It's a bit... It's a bit...

Is it on the secret web? It's underneath. It is crypto, though. The dark web is underneath the web. It, like, runs like an underground trail, though. Right. It is all a bit weird. Like, it's not like, you know,

your bet 365. Would you have a look at the dark web? Yeah. Not like the child porn and that, but like, other stuff. I'd get a separate laptop for it. Yeah. Yeah.

Like, if a fella was like, come in here, I'll show you the dark web. Oh, it's a web... It's a dark web cafe. It's not illegal to go on the dark web. Is it not? No. No?

It's just an... It's an extension. It's an extension. Oh. Yeah, you bought some... Futes. Years ago. Years ago and I regret my actions deeply.

Finn, this is never going to get used in a court of law. When you bought flutes or so? I bought flutes and I regret it. It was a clarinet, man. Imagine if this episode ever gets used to cause of law, you need to skip past a bit about Hitler. I don't have watched. No, no, no.

I'm not, I'm going to watch the whole thing in court. No, Gables and Yazer. No, no, no, no. After that. I can't. I believe you didn't know.

There you go. Spear was the architect. But there was bits where you could buy people's, like, bank accounts. There still is. Yeah, yeah, but I'm saying I'm sorry. I know somebody. I know somebody who you can buy all of these off.

Jet two. No. So, you know, a travel agent. Nope. So he, I don't, you know, him and his friend,

you know, the criminals, they... If you just, if you say it in a slightly different tone, that's just for us. They steal the details of wealthy enough people who aren't going to notice, you know, a trip to Lanzalotti going out of that account

and they sell you with... I honestly thought you were going to say they steal holidays and these people are wealthy not to notice that they didn't go on holiday. Barbara, darling, I'm sure there was something we were meant to be doing this week. The Maldives rings with Now

So say like Two fucking Scruffs are like Fuck on Maldives yourself Say the trip's 10 grand On this person's card They'll go We'll give you it for seven So they're making seven grand

And you'll get Yeah someone robbed like over a mill off sting didn't he And he never noticed until like His I think it was like His missus was like What he spent this mill on The police came wrong Nice

Fantastic Don't say it about yourself That's not that way It was about seven minutes It was about seven or something. Someone was just like taking off. Yeah, he was getting, yeah.

Yeah, and he was just like, they're that rich, that there's that much money going in other accounts that they're never going to notice. Mm. Especially if you're asking out of the bank account. How much did someone take off? Sting?

There's either a million or seven million or the other amount we're about to make up. About 22 mil, in about two hours, no one checked. He wasn't on his online banking. It was six million pounds from his financial advisor. Oh.

Keith Moore. Keith Moore. Kiefer still got it. The money. Keep more. But yeah, you can get your holiday for cheaper than you want to pay you for it. Holidays are cheap at the minute if you go into like Turkey or something. John All these.

They're going up though, aren't they? Yeah, around. It's quite cheap like no, isn't it? No, Spain's going up, isn't it? Everywhere, because you've got to go round where it's all kicking off. Yeah. More petrol for the planes? Yeah.

That's like a mad rude. I'm pretty sure that's actually true. Nobody, he's right, isn't he? Yeah. It's a diversion around the planet. You can't go to work because the Pacific's too big. It's a good point. Actually, where...

But holidays, it's like, yeah. But holidays in Spain are going up because it's... Because people are... They've already booked for Dubai and gone, oh shit, we need to go somewhere else. Everyone who's going to go to Iran this summer is going to Spain now. The Iranian summer. Spain's the new Iran.

Dead cheap in Iran at the moment. Yeah. You're a discount holiday. Yeah. Yeah, where's a land here? But the clubbing's not great. But then if you're on a holiday... It's just...

Yeah, so if you got the direct flight to Australia, you'd normally go right over Iran, but right now you probably have to go like via Tanzania. go down and in a cross, you know. Like the old Carlisle, Newcastle route. They're around the back. Around the back. John Barnes.

Like, John Barnes, I got you there. But if you're on holiday, Dan, I know some criminals. Nice. So how does it play out? They put the holiday on... You send them... They basically, they get Sting to book you a holiday. He's doing tantric sex.

He forgets. And then you're in Lanzarotti for four grand instead of six. Maybe that's how they got Sting, actually. Because, like, normally, like, be like, go and distract him. Like, if you distracted, like, Dan by fucking him, that'd be five minutes, you'd have to, like, rob him. But if you distract, Sting with a bit of sex,

you've got fucking three and a half weeks. Just threaten me with a knife. I don't need to be. You'd rather have raped. No, you'd rather have to set. Get his money. No, you're just raped. What?

I don't want to have sex with him. No, Laura's in on it. Oh. So it's, I'm consenting. She consents for me. Look at these. Oh, Laura's stealing off me. Laura, you fuck him.

We'll get in his purse. That's my person. I was like, come here, you? Like, ten minutes later, they'd have to be done, you know what, sting? They'd have to hell fucking Easter to rob in, wouldn't he? Yes.

You know, with the bling ring? What's the bling ring? It was a couple of kids in Hollywood who were robin. Bling. Robin Bling, yeah. A little fact, Bill Wayne invented the way of bling.

They were robbing off. Is that true? Google that if you want. Will Wayne. I feel like that's not true. can't be true. Well, he's all gonna look fucking daft here. Lil Wayne wasn't around when I was like a kid

and my dad used to say bling. The term bling or bling bling bling is widely attributed to rap a little way. Thank you. He didn't invent it. My dad said that before Lil Wayne had a hit. Yeah, Lil Wayne nicked it off. Micro.

It was a couple of, like, 4.05, like teenagers gone around Robinoff, like, really, like, Paris Hilton's house got robbed. They think they're the left house. It's on Netflix called The Bling Ring or to film and it's also a documentary. They just go in it out when she was away because she'd be like, hey, I'm in Santa

pay. They'd be like, because she isn't in. So they just go to an house and she left the key under the rock next to what house. They just go in and she went like on like a party. She'd have a bag full of cocaine and like cash and stuff. But she wouldn't use that bag for the year so she'd never notice. So they just go in and rob all the shirt. Only when they hit.

My footballers get targeted in it because they know where they are. But only... Like he can't be in. He's currently playing. Southampton away. Watching the telly, like, if he's there, then he can't be there.

Is this life? Like, get the crowbars. But she only found out because they got greedy and robbed her jewelry. And she was like, oh, where the fucks? So we watchers gone and then.

Yeah, she wouldn't have missed a cocaine bags. Look, she's got that many bags, handbags with cocaine and shit and money, money. But they did loads of celebrities, man. What a life.

They robbed cars. What? No, but I just drove around in them, not to like sell them. It was like, Romania. They just drove around and people's Porsches because they had that many cars, they didn't notice. They had a black box.

What do you mean? I thought I'd ruin their insurance, wouldn't it? I don't think Paris Hilton needed a black box. I think she just went for fully comp. You ever thought about tantric tax? Anyway, the bling ring. Really good podcasting. I love it.

I'll make the run, but the. vision on that. I've been trying to cut myself down to be able to say that for about five minutes. Isn't it just rocking, isn't it?

I know the gist of it because basically you fuck for fucking a full night, don't you? Excellent use of fuck for fucking. Yeah. Isn't it just rocking? Huh? It's just rocking, isn't it?

No. No, it's fucking like. No, but you put your knob in and it just rock, don't you? You don't like... No, I think that's like, that's stretching. That's like how you warm up for it.

But like it is, it's just, it's normal fucking just, you can go for ages. I just, it's, what's it? It's called edging. Yeah, I thought it's just like, you get you, oh, I'm going to go, stop. Did you really have to ask that? They play Scrabble. You really have to go, is it edging? Hey, I want you talking to me.

I can't fucking edge. Like, I'd love to do tantric sex. I'm coming about two minutes. Would you like it? Yeah. I need at least seven pints in me before I can trust, last more than 10. Would you like to do it? Like he did, because he went for like days at a time, didn't he?

He'd be fucking for like genuinely like Tuesday, like Tuesday and most of Thursday. Yeah, especially in the winter when I can't do the garden. It's brilliant. I'm bored in the winter, love. Super Bowl's gone. There's no NFL. She's like, do you want to do some tantric sex for five days? What if the door goes?

Who's doing school pick up? Well, it'll sort itself out. Some of, uh, winters oldies. What's the door goes? What? You just got to, you've got to have a, uh, I guess sting out of a butler or something. We'll get a butler. Yeah.

I mean, is that. Would you want to fuck for 12 hours without coming? Because I don't think I would. Sounds absolutely awful. No. Are you come at the end? Yeah, but it wouldn't be good. Yeah, but not for like 12 hours.

Hang on, it doesn't go full. It doesn't go full circle and become bad. It wouldn't be a good come off to 12 hours. It would be a pepper out of me. Apparently it's like, whoa! It's, uh, yeah, James Blather. Do you not come or do you come, but then just keep on ploughing on? No, you can't be.

At all? Until the end. But like, it's still, your balls are still making. in com as you're doing it? Do you know what I mean? That's like refueling your car as you're driving? No, there's a, it fills the tank. It can't just, you know, if you do tantric sex for six days,

you don't come like two litres of jazz. Right. Step one. Get your pens and peeps on as though. Create a sacred space. Right. The way you're thinking. Garden office.

Garden office. Consciously disconnect from the mundane world and enter the world of the divine. Close the curtains. The world of the world. pleasure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Turn off the devices. Phone away, you're good at that.

Can't be in here then, because that means the aircon can't be on and get off on here. Like candles or incense and gather any special treats like chocolate or berries. So I've got chocolates, berries, candles. And incense. Phones are off. Phones are off. Right, and we're in the garden office.

Going to get stuff with this. Yeah, yeah. Open a window. Purify yourself. Just know where it's bifolds. Purify yourself. Shower and dressing in something lovely. So wash your bollocks, put something nice on.

handles out, bit of potpourri, turn Radio 5 live off. No, it's not if Adrian Chauze is on, that'll get you going. So you keep that on. Gardner's question time, Radio 4, that'll get a fucking women's hour. That's what they want, isn't it? Yep. Women. Purify your space.

So wipe it down. It says put away the laundry. This is, by the way, wild order to do this in. It's just a, we're trying to get it to clear the O's. What steps are these? Hang on, so you've put something sexy on. By the way. Right, put something sexy on, wipe these surfaces down.

This is still step one. I've already come. This one's good advice for you. It's also best to skip or go light on the substances in order to be fully present. You're fucking mad, mate. I'm on the chingling. I'm lasting ages. Wrong.

Step two's wrong. There. This is the last bit of... Nothing but net from Harry's today. Last bit of step one. Set intentions for this session of intimacy. such as... Common.

My intention is to show you with my body how much I love you. Or... I'm telling you, one pussy just dried up with eyes. Babe, what I'm going to show you today is how much I fucking worship

these bodies. These bodies? Put the other body away. This one specific body. That one's dead. We'll bury that later. Put a bit of frivols on it. That was step one.

Okay, so that didn't work. So option two is I'm curious to, to explore deeply receiving. Oh, nice. I'm curious to get pegged. Or you're receiving love. What's your love language then, number one?

Or squirt. Fingers. Or square. You could be receiving square. You could be receiving squirt. I want to worship this body. Plus, this is a rain mac, so squirt away girl.

Is your love language receiving squirt? Right. Receiving square. Thank gift given. We're just both in the birthing position. I'll catch it with my asshole. Go. Right.

We're on to step two. We're called squirt with an asshole. That's like Olympics. If you catch a squirt with your asshole, go with your limbics. This is tantrics. It's not normal sex. I admit,

I very rarely catch squirt with my asshole during normal sex. If anything, Laura frowns on it. But this is tantric, mate. I've got potpourri out, women's hours on Radio 4, blaring. Everything's closed, wiped everything down.

I'm wearing a Norwich kit. Got Benny. Something a bit different. Yeah. And I'm... Something lovely. Yeah. Dad and I'll be on the back?

We're on step two now. Which is... Step one. That was epic. Have I already caught the square in my office? Your dick shouldn't be out yet. This woman doesn't know how to do steps. Neither of you should be naked yet.

It's a tragedy. Is it? Yeah. Right. I've still got the Norwich kit on. Go on. Step two. Who's on the back?

Who's on the back? Who's on the back? Darren Huckabee. Laura's on my band. Huckabee. She's got Scarby Huckabee. I'll give you that. I'll give you that.

Play. Imagine Dan catching squirting as an asshole and then Lola are going right. Step two. I'm about to squirt. Who's that? Darren Huckabby. End of he play.

20 years ago. Great play. Play for Coventry as well. A lot of the injury. Step two is eye gazing or soul gazing. Whatever you want to call it. Right. So, uh...

My actual eye or the arseller of... Is she just looking down my arseal? in the powerful gaze of your partner there is nowhere to hide. You are the powerful gay then. I've been working out. And you practice fully revealing yourself to the other with all that you feel

and all that you are. Right. So we've done all of step one which took three days. That's the tantric myth. Finish your tax return. Get it all done. There's grouting needs sorting in the bathroom. So you're still doing step one.

And then after all of that, We're still clothed and we're just staring each other out a staring contest. Have you ever done that? Have you ever watched Marry the first side? One of the tasks on it is to just stare at each other

like sat down in each other's eyes for like five minutes and they all say it's the best thing ever. Try it on a first date, see how that works. She'll be asking questions you just fucking stare at her. Is this good? Yeah? Squirting my asshole girl.

Why, you don't want to? Fridget. Yeah, it's the canaries. Fucking weird. No, as in like, if you're already in love, apparently it's meant to be incredible. They do that with racists as well. What?

They get racists and, I guess, like, people just say, yeah, to stare at each other and the racist will cry and then calm, probably. But like... What did you watch? Derren Brown. That's fine because Laura can't stand to Sri Lankans,

so it works really well. So you're doing this. You sit up straight on a pillow. or a chair facing your partner. Just eyeballer. You can look left eye to left eye or just gaze softly at both eyes. How do you look at both eyes?

You kind of like just go blurry, don't you? It's a look at the nose. Just like to sit there like that. Like the fonts. Right. So we're still staring. I'm horny now. You can also hold hands if you like.

Yeah? So just hold hands, stare her out. Like that go out. Make it more sexy? Ready? You let the love that is in your heart shine out through your eyes. Show us that. Hang on, I'll get it.

Cyclops. That's it. Wide eyes always good. What's the mouth doing though? Just the eyes. No, you're doing the mouth still. All right, got it. For the audio listener, it's sexy as fuck.

So you're gazing at Laura. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you see the divine spark in her eyes? I think she, I see some frustration. She's getting irritated. Do you marvel at the pure life force that is animating her? Yeah. Do you feel the sacredness of the moment?

Yeah, she's phenomenal, yeah, yeah. Am I like to look at a tit? No, eyes only. Is it? She doesn't get a tit out yet. What? You're close. She's wearing an Ipswich kit.

Whoa! Fiery. It's like the racists. Opposing sides. Oh, yeah. So you do that for two minutes. Go on. notice what emotions or sensations come up

or if you feel... Dry eyes. If you feel tempted to look away. Don't. Oh, sorry, I've got... I didn't read ahead. It isn't a staring contest, so you can close your eyes

for a few seconds and then open them again. And you're not allowed to think of anyone else. You can blink. You don't think when you close your eyes. Who are you thinking about? Darren Huckabee. He had lovely hair.

Go on. Go on. Keep going. What's the next step? Step three. We're on to step three. Hands on heart circuit. This one can often flow nicely after eye gazing. Carl, calm down, man.

Tantric, man. While sitting, facing each other with a soft gaze, bring your hands to your own heart. So you touch your own tits and not hers. You both with a soft gait. Stings a gimp. Go on. Bring your hand up to your own heart

and breathe up into your heart. Oh, just deep breath. You choke, you breathe for your lungs, man. I see, that's heart. Like an amen. I can have the Super Bowl. Yeah. As you feel the love that is well and up in your heart for your partner,

reach across, here you go, and place your right hand on your partner's heart with consent. Or pussy. Yeah, she's got a very low heart. She's got two hearts. Checking where that is. Never did biology, love. And they can place their right hand on your heart.

It's on your bell end, doesn't it? Grab a dick. Come on, sister. My heart. Sister. Each person's left hand then covers their own heart. So you're doing this. Oh, and a hard.

Right. You're doing girls loud. Um, synchronize your breathing with slow, deep, nourishing breaths. Right. Get your inhaler. Yeah. Yeah. Go on.

Right. That's the end of that one. Part four. Part four, tantric massage. There we go. So tantric massages are another powerful part of tantric sex. One that can be the key to multiple orgasms for both people. Hello.

Oh, sorry. for both people with clitorises and people with penises. Don't you ever assume I haven't got a clitoris. If she's massaging me properly, she'll find something. Is that how they're separating clitoris and non-clittalers? Yeah. It's quite reductive, though. It sounded like a really good attempt of being progressive.

You know, I'm a clitorium? Not a clitoralib way of seen. In a tantric massage, one partner gets to just lie back and receive. That'll be Laura. I can assure you. No, you can receive. She's a clit owner. And she's got form for it. Not owning clit.

Getting the chance to tune into that. Wow. Oh, mate, I'm the worker bee. Wow. Oh, I am absolutely the worker bee. She a pillow pincer? She's the queen bee. She's lies there.

The street of the English language being said out loud. Pillow Princess. Got history for her. Not being a clit owner. Lying down. She's more of a duvet duchess. You know what I mean? Pillow Princess.

Just keep saying pillow princess, don't we? She's a duvet duchess. What tog are we saying? Quite a thick tug. Is she a pillow princess? Yeah? Genuinely?

I mean, no, not, not because a pillow princess is officially just like, I'm fit, just do what you want. I'll be here, in it? You do your bit, I'm not moving. You don't think they have to be fit. Just a woman with a head on a pillow,

isn't it? Like Diana, when the fucking airbag went off? Yes, that's the imagery I always use. Just lie there like a pillow princess. Which one? Diana. Just before. Are you dodi fired in the situation? Oh, he's on me, Paul?

No, a pillow princess is just like, I don't really do a lot. You just do most of it. Now, I would never accuse law of that, but I'll say this, I do most of the running. Is Fagia, Princess? From the Black Eypes? Sailor Ferguson.

If she was, yeah. Yeah. Not anymore. Okay. What's the next thing? We're still on tantric. Massage. So Laura's lying there.

She's getting a clit rubbed because she owns one. Is she dressed? She didn't take it undressed yet. What? Yeah, I think so. It doesn't actually say it. But, um... Go on.

So she's tuning into her pleasure and sexual energy. The radio. And seeing how it wants to open up through her body. While the other partner moves their hands slowly and meditative... Meditative... Meditative... I can't say that word. You slap on a tit.

I think that was the back of my head. I thought this was a tit. One of her tips was his back. You just slapped her in the face then? No, no, no. She just needs to move more then, doesn't you? Oh, here we go. Dodge.

We're on to step five. The Yabium position. The what? The Yab Yabum. Jabium position. W-A-B. Y-A-B. Y-A-B.

Y-U-M. Y-U-M. Yabium. Y-B-M position. Classic Tantric sex position represents the union of Shiva and Shakti. Can I guess what it is? Go for it.

I'm guessing it's just bury your head in a pussy and eat away. Yum, yum. That's the yum yum, yum position. No. So Dan sits cross-legged on a pillow. Right. Make sure you've washed your ass. While the other, well, Laura,

can either drape her legs over your legs with her ass on the bed. I told you it's the rocking position. Or can fully sit and sit on your lap. Yeah, I get it. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Your arms go around her waist. Like a horny skydive.

Yeah, your arms go around her waist. And hers go on your shoulders, which is good, isn't it? You've been working them. Yeah. So she's like, get it. Yeah, I'll get it. And then you touch foreheads. How hard?

The batadazzi. And this is a line in your chakras. That's what that's doing. Is this, is this. Is this. in. Yeah, I think so. Yes.

Yes, penetrative. Okay. Yeah. Once you come into alignment, start by taking a few deep, slow breaths together. There's a lot of breathing. Then begin to move together in slow...

Moon? Move. Yeah, I saw the window. Begin to move together in slow undulations, arching, swirling in circles, finding a flow and a rhythm that feels delicious. See, rocking? Yeah.

That's great. Yeah. just grinding on each other, aren't we? So this is apparently you've given. Oh, yeah, yeah. She's taken. Nothing new. Oh, you can't do this fully clothed.

You can do it either. But that could lead to a full body energy orgasm with no penetration. You can fake them, though. He has his name of that. You can fake a full body energy orgasm, though. Go on. Oh.

I'll have what he's of. So that's tantric sex. That's how I make a nose for me bed says, do you want a cup of tea? Yeah, I fall by the, above the august.

I've just made Adam come. So that's it? That's it. And that's 12 hours, is it? That's 12 hours. I think a lot of that was cleaning the garden office. You've been cleaning the surfaces down. How did you do tantric doggy?

Things actually type in. Yeah. She'd have to be able to grab you, wouldn't she? Unless she grabs you with a... Bend it over, but do it. for ages. You know,

just stopped working. You've just broken the internet. The internet stop working. On the topic of sex, can I give Carl his birthday present that I bought it? No, you can't.

You absolutely can't. What's this? I got Carl. I saw something I was like, it's perfect for Carl. I went into a shopping Amsterdam. Is it a sex shop? No, it wasn't a sex shop.

Please throw it more than you think you need to. Oh, my God. Oh, it's a good foot short. Harry's got me a present for my birthday. It's your two favourite things. Okay, what brown paper bags? Inside. The Simpsons.

Okay, this is a... Oh, no, it's not that. What is that? Oh, that's a condom. Have you bought me a Johnny, Annie? It's whatever else is in there. Okay. Oh, that's sick.

It's a Homer Simpson condom because he loves the Simpsons and not having kids. That is quite cool. Can I have a look of that? It won't come in my house. I was told explicitly by the fella in the... condomery, which is the shop,

that it's not for safe sex, so don't use it. But you can't, if you want to do like a puppet show or something. I was slightly worried that it only looks a little bit like Homer Simpson. I'd go as far as to say, is it looks nothing like Homer Simpson.

It looked way more like Homer Simpson when he was next to the one with blue air. I mean, if you paint that... If you painted that pink, or if that was pink, that's not Homer Simpson, that's Mr. Blobby, isn't it? It's much more Mr. Blobby-like.

Yeah. Just got a bit further, sorry? Sorry. Just grab that condom on the floor for me. I want them to have her. I think Dan might do something funny with her. Go on. Do something funny.

Finally, let's do some podcast prop comedy. Well, Dan, I did also get a present for you as well because your birthday is coming up. Great. Thank you. Dan put it on. You like hats.

Nailed that one. is almost certainly racist. This is. Dan, take you that off. I don't know why it came with the other things. It was just like, just the top bit.

I thought you'd like. See you, Eddie. Who's your neck? Oh, yeah, it's safe. Should we tell the order listeners what it is? We haven't said it.

It's a Rast the hat. It's a Rast the hat with Rob Thomas hat. Great. Oh, well, you're suitor? I suit a lot of hats. Because it's over, like, your headphones,

well, it looks like you've got loads of air pack in there. Look at me. Now, do the voice. No. Rob Thomas's. How did he catch? What, Andrew? Whoa. Did you not get presents for me and Adam? Um, I don't think you want him, mate. Do you know what I mean? I bought the condom because it was Carr's birthday at the time and I bought that for myself, but it was in the bag and I thought it'd be funny. I was just going to wear that around the house to be honest. Uh, shall we do? Shall we do some man play?

How do I play as a man without touching myself? Man, man, man, man, man, man, man. Man play. Man play. Oh, God. Each. Man play. Joel says,

pressing the flush on the toilet as you're weeing to see if you can time the finish of your wee with the last bit of the flush. Yeah. I do do it, but apparently according to some people women it means there's

remnants of piss in the toilet bowl and the old you get the harder it is to win this game my piss is honestly take about 15 minutes now if I fully wait

yeah Ellie was brushing her teeth last night and I went for a piss next to her and my Willie did that thing where it went what you couldn't have waited

oh we'd live together you do live together yeah would you shit When you were just in the bath? We don't have a bath. No, it is different, though, Carl. Having a little wee when your partner's in the bathroom, that's not the end of the world.

It depends what they're doing. If they're in the shower, I think it's all right, because it's like she could be in there for fucking an hour and a half, you know what they like? She's brushing her teeth. She's only going to be about 15 minutes. I didn't piss in the sink.

She's got some clean teeth. How close is that? Yeah, but your piss probably splashed onto her tooth brush there. What did you say you knob did? It did the thing where it split. I thought it was just going to be like a normal piss, but it split off into two, I just pissed all over the bowl.

No, all over the... Harry, you need to pull your foreskin back, meh. Uh, I'm gone. What, no? Whoa. I don't pull your four skin back to Whittie.

What are you talking about? Oh, your cock must stink, man. How old are you? No, put me four skin back to wash. I don't piss on me. What? I'm out here. I'm...

My four skin doesn't go over the... My four skin doesn't go over the front of me, Willey. Then you haven't got four skin? What? I don't have a foreskin. But you don't. It should cover your belly. Are you constantly peeking out?

It's like, you know those like roll over sausage rolls that are the sausage. Yeah, it's like that. Like my, my whole, you know, the hole is always out. That is, you've got a tight foreskin. It's different strokes for different folks, isn't it? Different four skins. You got a sausage roll knob? I don't have a sausage roll knob.

You're a hot dog knob? Maybe. Like one of those ones where like the, the sausages is fully, in the bun. Yeah, roll over, I think that's better than having,

like a water balloon. I've got a fucking snuggy on my bell end. Your foreskin's basically like a packet for your cock. Packet. Again,

it's different kinds, in it? Do you ever pull it back? Yeah, in the shower when I wash myself and then when I'm jacking it off. But,

um, Pull it back with your way, man. I can just, like, hold it. I don't need to. I don't do. You do, because your piss shouldn't be going into... No, I think that was... That means it's it and something?

No, I think he doesn't, because I was ill. Really? Yeah. He doesn't pull us back every time. Not every time. Say it again? Because I was ill last night. I don't know.

I think me... You thought you had cocks not? I think it was like a bit more shriveled up, I guess. do I mean? So pull a path? Yeah, but I wasn't thinking straight because I was ill. Hang on, so you,

we next to Ellie, brushing teeth and pissed everywhere. She took photos because it was all around the seat. And I found that funny. Who's the photos for? Did you not lift the seat? In front of Ellie?

Our seat falls down. Keep your hand, don't it? I feel so sorry for this woman, you know. She has a nice life. You've pissed on over her feet? But she's brushing her teeth? What? He's pissed on over her.

Feet, we're just crushing her team. Like a rescue dog, she's happy now. You got piss on her feet, guaranteed. No, I didn't piss off the bowl. It was all contained on the seat. Was it a bit of fluff or something that had gone in? I think so. Honestly, I pulled out one of her airs the other day.

It was like a magician. It was insane. As a circumcised man. This is all mad chat to me of this. Really weird to think you've got like a... Your Willie's always ready. A little snuff-a-luffer. Like, I don't know.

Snuff-a-luffer. don't know, do you know what I mean? Like, the thing that goes over and all the, like, the wrinkly old skin. No, you're a minority industry. I think it's weird to not have one because most people are. It is weird. We're born with them, which means evolutionary. We're meant to have them.

Yeah, you absolutely are. But the fucking, the iPhone update on my dick is phenomenal. Isn't it meant to make you last longer? What? Not having a foreskin? It's meant too because it can desensitize your bell end because it's constantly getting rubbed. The jeans over the ears.

She's always rubbing it. She's like, look at the purple head on her. Let's shine it up. That's Mr Sheen on it. Cleans it. You don't always... Not every time. That's weird, man.

It just makes it more streamland and like, pointable. Yeah, if it's, if it's fully covering it, then I will. Dom says, man play for you, Lids, sometimes when I'm pissing,

I hold my dick like a cigarette as it makes it, as it makes me feel cooler. Absolutely. What does it be? Like that? Yeah, no, with two things.

Wait, how are you holding cigarettes? You know, a cigarette with, like, that's a cigar? Adam, you enjoying that smoke? Yeah. You smoking like a sailor? Will he smoke into their hands

and they couldn't see the light tomorrow? What a job, do you? Shut up. Is that a withy? Wait, who was that? The boss? The boss. You want to...

You want a job down, do you? You have to smoke slightly different. You want a job, do you? Shut up. He must be the boss. smoking inside. Shut up. Didn't say no.

I make the rules around there. Don't snitch on the council. Fogun fucking. You don't smoke with them fingers. Do you? I've got a bifter? Have you ever

had a bifter? Yeah. Yeah. He smokes it very fast, by the way. Is anyone lightheaded? Right, everyone go home.

I'm about to pass out. Do you want to taxi? Shut up. Have you ever smoked a cigarette? I just catchphrase. He asks you a question and says, shut off. That's the boss's prerogative.

I've had loads of facts, means. Okay. Todd Wheatland says, not sure if this one counts, but I have a severe egg allergy, so I'll watch food TikToks and reels up until the point an egg is used and see how many vids I can get through.

I'll sometimes fist pump if I can get through a video where I can feel an egg is You're an egg and you're inbound. You're fucking egg. What the fuck to mean? Allergy doesn't mean you can't look at the thing. No, but he's playing a game.

He feels triggered by... He's got a phobia as well. I don't even think it's that. I think he's just playing a game of how much could I eat on this Instagram page. Read it again. No, he has a severe egg allergy. Yeah.

They watch us the video until the egg... So how many eggs... Up until the point an egg is used and see how many vids I can get through. I think he has like a visceral... Oh my God, it's an egg. I don't think that... I think he's a reading too much.

I think he's just playing, like, could I eat this? No. I don't think he's scared of eggs. He's not used. I'll sometimes fist bump if I can get through a video where I can feel an egg is inbound. Yeah, but I feel like it's just like fun. Like he's just going, ah, fuck's sake, egg, right?

I've lost that one. Does he have like an egg sense? Oh, right. He feels an egg is inbound. Does he have, like, spider sense? Whoever is right out of all of us. This fella's an egg. Oh, so as soon as it's the, an egg comes out,

He's lost the game. Right. That's what I think. I might be wrong. Yeah, sorry. I think I missed. Tell you what, though, Todd. Cool guy.

Cool guy with the egg games. Joel Hein says, got a man play for you, lads. Opening the car door, but not to where it clicks open, letting it swing open and before it closes back again,

you time getting in the car and it closes on itself behind you like Indiana Jones. The bounce. You use the car door bounce against itself. You're just fucking damaging your injures there, man. You know, we have a lot of fun on here, but not if it's at the cost of hinges.

He's a mechanic, on a job. Shut up. Broken the hinges. Shut up. Close the door. Shut up. Shut up. Josh Lee says, hi, lids.

Got a man play for you. When going downstairs with handrails on both sides, I like to hold. on and swing, jump the full flight of stairs at a time. Yeah. When you're young, you can do that, yeah. My needs have exploded. Oh, no, I still do that. Where? Where? Anywhere.

It's got stairs with two rails. Anywhere? Pretty much. A job interview? I mean, I've not had one for five and a half years. Would that have pulled us off of? Or would you have been like, that's cool. Kids got moves. Especially because the interview's on the ground floor.

This guy does well with girls. talking about exploding knees, can we get a knee update with the half marathon another week closer? It feels okay. I play Fottie Monday. I'm going to run tonight.

Right. We'll see. About 100 quid's looking like a fucking lost bet. It needed to have like exploded by now. You had two and a half hours as the time. You can still go slow. Yeah, we want you to do it.

Are you going to give five side of miss on Monday in case or? That's how I feel. Kind of like Fuzzy. Yeah. let's do some advice football yeah because I can

yeah avoid like obstacles no it's just I don't often feel like going for a run but I'll always play footy yeah yeah yeah yeah impact as well yeah that's what Paula Radcliffe did she played non-league footy instead of training

won't have to play that again she started up front for Southport because I always want to play. How did you train for this? League fixture. Leo says, Wag, wagg,

lids, I need some advice. We have a mouse in our house and my girlfriend has been going mad. She's bought a load of mouse traps and adhesive stuff to try and kill it. The only problem is, I know exactly where it is.

It's got a little nest in a hole under my desk in the spare room and I regularly feed it bits of crackers and blueberries. Yes. This has become such a habit now that I've been... This is a man play, by the way? Respect. Now,

that I've named him Jerry, but I'm terrified that my missus is going to kill him. What do I do? How do I convince my missus to keep Jerry as a pet? Please don't use them with these have pads. Can I just say that? They're fucking awful. They're so inhumane,

the horrible. I've seen the reels where the rats get on it and they get stuck on there and they either pull their own legs off because they're fucking scared or they just starve to death on there. Just catch them, like in a whatever and then take them outside.

No, just take them like, half a mile away from your house to a park. Drive them like you did with the pigeons. Yeah. Don't fucking murder. It's grim.

The adhesive pants are I've seen them in action and weather. So if you have a family of rats you've got to catch the family of rats and then go for a family drive. Oh, it's a different. A family of rats

could make your family sick. One mouse in your house ain't gonna hurt you. No, rats with the cause of the bupanic plague but like a sputonic. Burponic peg. It made your talk are weird.

You got a buponic pig. I know I've got pats everywhere. There's a family of pets. And I didn't put them on a pepative. Also, if you beg it to bubonic plague because of a mouse you've been keeping, feel guilty of you. But rats with the causes of bubonic plague,

like they don't necessarily carry diseases anymore. Like a squirrel could easily carry the same disease. All right, Hanslander. So I was doing all the long time. Don't. Is it from diode? Hamflat with diode. Don't hear.

It's grim. I've seen them in way when they used to do it. This is your work. when I worked in restaurants and you just see literally like rats or mice with their legs missing because you've done that.

But they're still running around. But maybe they owed like a rat boss like money. You know their rat legs were stuck to the piece of it's just sad. Just catch it in a really easy you can buy them and then just

take it elsewhere. It's a mouse. Unless it's pigeons of course and then get a smacker to throw them on your roof. Unless it's pigeons and then you need a machine gun and a cracker.

Are you going to do these you mainly? Yeah, yeah. I took one of them to the park in a bucket. Yeah, you killed it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't kill it at all. You did. You took it.

Okay, yeah, there's a baby pigeon in your garden. Yeah. What would you do? In my garden. Yeah, and you could see it suffering because it's left its parents. I'd feed it. I don't.

Have I taken it away from its parents? What you mean? No, you just found it. I've just found the baby pigeon. Parents are off. They've flown the... When a pigeon falls out of its nest, the parents abandon it.

Okay, so there's a baby pigeon struggling in me from garden. Yeah. Did it fall out of its nest? Or did you take it out of its... I don't touch them off you, you're on it. I'd go to my vinted pile and get a pair of trainees that I'm...

Give it to the pigeon. Yeah, it's some shoes, love. It's a funky pigeon now. Right? I'd get like a lace, maybe like all four... You're not going to hang it, are you? I'd get up both leases

I tied them together I'd tie the other one round the pigeon's neck and then I'd feed the pigeon and I'd have a pet pigeon are you taking a pigeon for a walk yeah I'll fly

what where the shoes is he wearing one tenth he's one tens and you've put a noose round his neck no the shoes were just for the leases oh cool I got confused I had a pigeon in shoes

stupid what would you do fly there's a baby pigeon in your gardener does You can see it's not going to... Because they abandon it when it falls. Phone the RSPCB. They don't care. They're clasped as vermin.

They'll come up and rescue them. You've got a tired of latehian. I can keep it. You haven't got a tired lace on this neck at all. That is the only other option to me. This pigeon doesn't want to grow. Every night in the RSPCA, yeah? You're going to have to do the lace thing.

What would you do, genuinely? Tell me? There's like a woman on Facebook that does... That, like, helps seagulls and pigeons in real. I'll probably get in touch with her. Right. If she didn't exist, because that's available for everyone else. But she does exist.

Okay, Olivia. I'd still message her and ask what her advice was. I couldn't do it because my nan fucking loved, like, pigeons and animals. And we, like, helped the hedgehog when it got, like, chopped with a strimmer. Can you just bring it in and feed it till it gets strong enough and then fly it? I've got a cat. Right. Can you put, can your cat go to Sarah's mum's for a bit?

What? Yeah. No, you can't move a cat. It's, it's about he's old. as well. You can't move a cat to Blackpool because you've got a pigeon in your kitchen.

A valid point. I took it to the park because it's got more chance of surviving in the bush I hid it in. Then in, you know, when... The feeding itself and raising itself

in a bush. It's got more chance of living in a bush. You might as well have put it in the bin. Honestly. Then in the... Same percentage chance of survival. In the alleyway where

cats frequent. You mean the alley cats? Or the... cats are like, well, we should leave the alley. Where do you want to go? The park. Are you mad? We're alley cats. But I've heard there's like pigeons and bushes. You're fucking mad. Stay around the alley.

They do. They're all house cats that walk around the alley. They don't go to park. You don't know what they do at night. I'm just saying, I reckon I've gave it more. It's probably dead now, but I gave it more of a chance. I think you're right on. They're just leaving it all hobbling in the alley where the cats are. You should have looked after it, man.

Yeah, man. Oh, sorry. I should have got a pair of one-tenths and hung it. It's the scouse pigeon is what it would I want to. You wouldn't hang it, what do you mean? It's just the neck thing. How bored? How quickly?

Would you get bored of having a pigeon? Forget you add it? Would you tie it to its foot instead? Good thinking. Is it still going on? No. Ranets to snag. That's how you train a pigeon.

Come here. Flying off on me. So he's just smelling your pigeon. Yeah. Get slice it. It's around other pigeons. But yeah, just My man, keep feeding the mouse.

It's sick. You only live a year. They've only got a year lifespan. Just feed it until it dies and until you bed to fuck off. Pigeons only live a year. Mice. Nice.

Oh. I was gonna say pigeons are fucking like pettadactals, aren't he? They live for like fucking 200 years. We wouldn't know, would you? Darwin's pigeon. Like a regular mouse in the house. Brasta mouse.

A regular mouse house. What are they called? House mouse? Ice mice. A pet mouse. No, like a house house. High smite. Domesticated mouse.

No, like it's just a year to Ken. Stuart. Yeah. They live a year. Just look after it for a year. They live three years. Do Stuart Little buy it a car? By the way, I would absolutely keep this until she works it out.

Yeah. Yeah. Not anyone. But what if you wake up one day and your mouse has then been, what's the word for when all your legs are blown off? Put in a bush in the park. What's a war? I think, yeah, get an attack. to this mouse could like really fuck this the end game of this up for you so I'd say

carve out an hour a day to go to the local pet shop and bomb with all the other mice as well it's quite an elaborate way of just tell you not on your page you've got a pet mouse or buy you can buy like dead mice can't you that you feed to snakes so put one of them on the traps and then she'll leave you alone but then just they'll notice the and then you've got to buy the snake as well and then keep that with the mouse there's a I think there's a wild snake in the ocean Yeah, there's no mice, though, is there? So, shut up. What, there's a snake in the house?

Shut up. So good that we can solve problems, isn't it? What was the problem? Yeah. Get a snake. What was the problem? We're directly talking about. Don't think you need the snake. No, I think if you're selling the lie, you need the snake.

Yeah, he's right. What is it? A terrarium? What are snakes living? Is it a terrarium? No, that's a plant. India? Tang.

Get in India. Move to it. Another episode of Have a Word for you. Hope you enjoyed. Wild one. Finn, have we got a tune to play on the audio for all those audio listeners?

We are the devil's bum hole and this is Alcatraz. We have, I've got a couple of Finney music updates first though. Oh. So Cherry, live from the M&S, Bank Arena. Banga. Wow!

Wow! Is out. is out now. It came out on Friday, the 6th, alongside some T-shirts and some other stuff. So go and check them out. I've also playing an HMV in store

this Friday, the 13th, in Liverpool. So if you're about, it's at half three for some reason. I don't even know why. You're in HMV? You sign a book? I'm selling T-shirts and posters and other stuff. He signed them?

Signing books. I can't sign other people's book. You can sign a poster? I can sign a poster. Yeah. Olivia Dean was in HMV just three years ago in Manchester. Yeah, Finn. She played the same festival.

That was me two, two and a bit years ago. Yeah, Finn, if you go there, she's probably gone home, no. Yeah. But yeah, I'm playing that. Come on, Olivia. We're closing up.

Olivia Dade was here three years ago. So half three this Friday. Is Olivia Dienia? You just missed there. That was three years ago. Play your songs. But the, so, Cherry will be on the video next week.

I've not edited yet. But this week is a band called Carova. We've played them a couple of times. They're class. And this is their tune, Ador. This is Carrova with a new hit Ador. We've had a lot of messages about Dungeons and Dragons, asking when we're going to next do something.

We've got some really cool plans and news coming. We just want to announce it properly. So give us about a week or two, I reckon. Please. Space blue.