Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #372 with Connor Burns & Jonny Bongo - Have A Word w/Adam, Dan & Carl

Episode Date: March 16, 2026

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Go, Ed. Get on me. Hello, everyone. Welcome to this episode of the Haber Word podcast with guest co-host Johnny Bongney. Hi, guys. Oh, it's on camera there.

That was so weird. We've got to look there. Hi, guys. Hey, thanks for having me. It's nice to be back in the studio with all my favorite guys. We love having you. Adam is

birthing a dog. Yeah. Is that why he's off? He's on paternity leave for Remy the Rock. Remy the Rottweiler. Is it Wiler or Weiler? Well, it's like,

Wallace is a Dachshund, but I'm never saying that. Dasund? We say Dashand, not we? So it's a Rotfiler, yeah. Is Vodd-Filer, is the breed German, is it a German,

yeah, yeah, is it? They not go massive? It's, you've met Pez, haven't you? Yeah. He's 38 kilos. Adam's dog's going to be 60 kilos. Between 50 and 60 KGs.

It's a big, it's a big poos. That's a biceime's workout. Yeah. When you see a poo in the street, they're the ones that you don't know whether it could be a human, or a,

they look like big human shite. He won't pick that up, will they? No, he will. He'll have to. He'll kick some leaves over it or something. That'll happen at least once. Yeah, they'll leave. Oh, no bag.

Yeah. A big, meaty protein rot via plops. If I forget a bag with Wallace, which doesn't happen very often, I keep him in the car, I have to carry him. Because I'm like, if he does a shit, I cannot walk away from it.

He's done it once and I had to run into Lungia to get some paper towels because I was like, I can't. Right. But also not the biggest poos. You can't do a poo on the street. No, but I mean, yeah, you're a conscientious dog owner. But they're not colossal plops, are they?

You could literally kick them into the corner and no one had noticed. But if, like... I think, yeah. I think someone has in the studio at some point. Harry finds them. I've stepped on five dog poos in here. This week.

You volley drinks all over. Like, your feet aren't connected to your... You can do the poos. But your feet aren't connected to your eyes, mate. I do a lot of pacing on the phone. So when I'm on the phone, I'm like, I'm walking on the street. Yeah. Doesn't it?

When he's doing a, and to be fair, Harry's on the phone a lot, like organizing the patron specials behind the scenes. As soon as he takes a call, he goes on a wonder. Hello. Hello. Oh, dear. In the outside of the voice is so cute.

Like it's the most not. Hello. It's Harry. Hello. We're going to brain to the operation. If I'm in the outside of phone, I'm in every single room. Like I'm walking up down.

Oh no, I get, I'd get, I go louder on the phone as well. I know I can. Which I think is an old person thing of like, well, they're far away, so they've got to be able to hear me. So Laura goes, could you just fuck off someone somewhere and close the door? So I'm not allowed to wander around, just irritating the house. I'm like a rumber who finds dog poo. Yeah, you're 5,000 steps per half an hour.

And then the amount of times I have to like go out on the balcony and scrape, like we used to have straws in here. And now I've not, I used to use them to scrape the poo out the crevices and me, shoes. Now we don't have straws anymore. Right. Because you kept using them for shit. Yeah, I used all of them for dog poo.

Do the dogs not in the studio not know when they'd like go to the door? Like go outside. Julius looks after them. So if she's taking them out and you haven't done... Pez wouldn't do it. She's getting paid to look after them. Pez wouldn't do it,

a poo in here. Because if you did, we don't have to go old. You'd know about it. There'd be structural damage. Yeah. So that Vrot Viler when it's in here, that's full strength. So basically, we're a podcast

that is slowly morphing into a kennel. Right. Okay, so. Has everyone got, do you have a dog? No. You're getting one, Dan. Have you got the bug? You're trying to get one,

do you're trying to get them to have kids. Are you, is the dog thing work for you? Everyone does, it's the same, but like, I'm like, come on, have children. You need to make a less noncy sound when saying that,

but everyone's like, do you want a dog? Come on, John. Is it time? I'm all right for now. Are you a dog's man, I couldn't think of anything worse. I had dogs growing up,

but like, now, which Louise, my wife was, she was allergic, but we've been looking after her sister's dog quite a bit. So I think the exposure has got rid of the allergy. And now she's thinking like, maybe we should get a dog.

And I'm like, no, no, when we got together, you were like, I would never have a dog. Like, I think I'd rather have a cat over a dog. And I hate cats. I've got a cat and I'm allergic. I just couldn't be arced. Is it just a responsibility thing? It's too much.

Like, I think it is too much. But you like dogs? I like them, yeah. Yeah. It isn't that much if you get a, if you get a big one, yeah. But if you get a small one like me, No, but you always have to think where's the dog

going to be today? Or I've got to go on holiday who's going to look after the dog. Yeah, it's another child essentially. And also, you know how it's really fun when you've got like a niece or a nephew or a mate with kids? Because you get to be the fun uncle who's like, no responsibility, I turn up. If I have to look after them, I can just throw money at it. You're so fun,

because you never have to do any of the rules or responsibility. I'm a bit like that with dogs at the moment. You all keep getting dogs. I just get to be the fun dog uncle who turns up Wallace's sound comes for a cuddle has a little play Pez tries to knock your fucking head off and then I go oh I don't have to clean up the shit

I don't have to worry about the kennels it's great going home to a dog's nice though like it is fun like it's like a child who'd love you and run up to you and wag the tail and how listen I apologise I wanted to get you a gift for the for I went past the Everton shop and I was like oh I want to I want to buy Johnny

just something because Johnny is now maybe guest co-hosted three or four times. I think this might be your first public. Is that... No. No, I think there's one more, maybe. He's definitely guest co-hosting a patron. You've had a guest there, haven't you? What do you mean? Like, when you've hosted, there's been a guest on the coach,

hasn't there? No, I don't think so. Oh, really? Just patron exclusives. There's a big... Am I finally gone public? Or not like, stocks and shares? We've gone public. This is like... This is, you've had some Carabal Cup starts. But when I'm on... When I'm on the coach, is that public? Yeah. Yeah. So you've done that? But I've never been here. Your last,

your last episode was Red Cardigan Gate. Yeah, went out of more the Red Cardigan. Oh, hang on, this is then, this is then your ultimate shiny. You don't have a weird triple crown.

Oh, you didn't, yeah, well done. Literally, you've played, you've played every role. There's about five.

And you've done a special. You've got seven of them. And I want, and you've done specials. You've been on the restaurant special. And you thought today was the day you're going to get me a gift. I know,

and you didn't. Because for all of these performances, it's a lock in a super one. That would be a super one. That's like Eishan and Johnny and Jamie. It's only two. DJ two arenas. Eshan Johnny Jamie and that's it.

Yeah. Oh, guys. DJ two arenas. And what underpins this has never asked for, we pay people to be guest co-hosts. We pay for every, like Johnny's never invoiced for anything. I hope I'm not like,

don't invoice for everything all at once. I could have invoiced for this the whole time. So he's the only person who's done all of this stuff has been amazing, has let us use his venue several times for fucking amazing shows. and you've never like invoiced. So I wanted to get you a gift but the Everton shop was closed.

Listen, I'm already. Look, I'm merged out. There's nothing in the Everton shop that I don't have. So that's all right. Is this the new Celtic manner? Yeah, it's nice in that. Yeah, sort of by the door.

Right. So has every team got this? Or is it just Everton? And Leeds as well. I think it's... Wait, that's an Everton. It's the Everton Irish thing. And then this is the top underneath them.

Which is a wee bit like that Milan one. It's unbelievable. So yeah. on, it's never, it's never been worn. Is it being worn on a pitch? No. No, it's just a collectors. They bring out stuff for Paddy's Day, for, you know, the Everton-N-Irish connection. You do not like you're about to go and play, though, like you've got the training kit on, and then...

I'll tell you what, is there anything? Have he's done a Hav-A-W-W-W-W-Boot football special yet? Have you done one really? We've had a couple of tries, yeah. Adam gets annoyed because it never looks as good as he thinks he is. Well, thanks for the accolades, I've never know. I've never done that much. You know, have you've got, like, a have a word.

Have he's got like a have a word sort of like IMDB stats thing with all the stats? Do you know what we have got and you could be the first? It's on my desk. Yeah. I think we need to. We talked about doing like a Wall of Fame, like a Hall of Fame, Wall of Fame sort of thing. Yeah, with inductees. You are absolutely.

You're close to, I think you'd be close to getting up there in terms of the Rushmore. On the Rushmore? Wow. I, I, it's nearly. What do you got? What have you got? So we're doing it. We're doing a, what's it called? Hall of Fame for Have a Word.

That's what we were just talking about when you were out of the room. We're doing a Hall of Fame for Have a Word. And we're going to induct some people, the clear ones, you're all in there. And we got this made. And you know what? As the new Super E. got.

This is your gift. You can be the first owner of the Have a Word Hall of Fame PIN badge. We've got our own Blue Peter badge. Holy shit. You have an actual triple crown? Should we stand? first ever owner of that.

Should we stand, please? Look at that. John, you show the camera. Harry stand up, don't be rude. Oh, here he comes. There you go. Thanks, guys. Made by Lama. Homemark, Julia.

Do you know what? Thank you guys. I really appreciate it. And it's also saved us about three grand. So well done, everyone. Allmark Gillers for me. Shout out. Yeah, it is.

Fantastic. Thanks, guys. But yeah, we're going to start giving them to Hall of Famers and you're the first ever owner. Amazing. Cheers. Appreciate it. Speaking of your venue, Johnny. from before.

Speaking of the venue. You're right. Did you just walk to the other side of the studio? All right. I'm right. Me and Harry were there on Sunday. Oh,

I had wrestling beef. For the wrestling. Oh, did you go? Yeah. Yeah, so we had wrestling beef for a bit. We had, I was sat. Harry's involved, by the way. Hang on,

can we just get a bit of context? This is content where Bongo's thing goes at. What was there on Sunday? So it was atomic wrestling. Oh, atomic wrestling? Like Kerry Cotoner or what? Yeah, it's their new super bond. came around by chey burnley and uh we we turned up as like guests of honor and i sat by the or el horno sat

by the ring side and had beef with people as they came out yeah but i didn't i can't wear my glasses whilst i've got me mask on so as we what happened was we walked into the room and chay the host and the owner of the promotion went oh they have a word lads are here carl and harry and he was one side of the room we were like we know them that's cool and then 95% are like who and he's like come and sit down. So we walk through the crowd, like, because he's blind, he's just walking past children,

kicking all their bevvies on the floor. Oh, there you go. Absolutely. I fell over until, I was like stumbling and stuff like that, and then I kept on trying to put my glasses over my mask, but it doesn't have ears. So my glass,

I kept on having beef with people, my glasses fell off. I wasn't very threatening. Yeah, so Harry's a wrestler. Well, I got involved in, I think the second one, and it was probably the most nerve-wracking thing I have ever done.

There was two of the wrestlers. I can't remember the name. There might be Ftm. Yeah, the Skous lads, yeah. Skouslads. Isn't that a trans thing? No, I think it's Fuck the Matrix, isn't it? So I thought it was Fuck the Matrix,

because they're Scalced Lads, but it's not. They're finely tuned machines. Ah, right, okay. Yeah, no, so they turned up, Ftm to a bingo show to promote the wrestling event in Atomic. Then there was a bit of a kickoff on stage. It all went off. Hang on.

A real kickoff or effect. kickoff. It's all real. It's real, isn't it? Oh, sorry, sorry. I thought we were getting some, like, gossip, like, it all kicked off, but it always kicks off. K-Fabe? It was K-Fabe, yeah. Oh, shit. There was a few chairs thrown. Did you take any bumps? So then what happened was there at the, they were having a, they were having a tag team match against two people that I'd put together, Sam Bailey and then this other guy was great. For a max factor? No, Sam who did our wrestling, um, trainer. Was it Tony Wright as well?

it was a guy that was like the hound dog he had like nipple his special move was nipple twisting and he wore like a chain he's a real bad dog and then he has tape over his nipples to protect in case anyone's price of doing I know I'm hang on I know wrestling's a little bit

calm No but I mean this sounds like what we're doing Turn up with nipples Not full wrestling like you know small like I'll say small obviously compared to the WWA They're fucking maniacs Yeah it was not They're not like oh I'll just do

they put their life of the lad because I want to get to the big league like 20 quid as well Hang on but isn't it like Sunday league Where no It gets a bit They're doing back flips and that But they're not what I mean

In Sunday league it gets a bit violent Don't it because who's watching No I mean as in like I don't see Sunday league But like it's like Barcelona play But they haven't got the The views yet And sometimes they land on the red

You just got to let it ride out Right that's not how spinal injuries work though is it Oh Well there's a lad called Podring who watches the pod and he's messaged me before, like he's a wrestler and he was like, yeah, I used to do moon salts,

which is like a big back flip off the top rope. He's like, but my missus said I'm banned from doing them because I did it and landed on my neck. I told Carl, I told him he's banned from moon salts. And then a minute later, he did a moon salt off it and landed on the floor.

They're great. They're either way, quintessential left for fucking beltsers, give them a shot off. Now, what's happening here with you in wrestling, Carl? Because obviously Harry's been pretty, he's in the manager.

that corner. No photos. But it seems to have piqued your interest in the last sort of six months a year. Like all of a sudden you're a bit more into it. Did you grow up with wrestling attitude either? Did you? It's part of what you grow up. It's like Pokemon.

It'll never leave you. I wasn't like, I wasn't like massively into it. But I've probably seemed to go back into it and watch more like old school wrestling events and like. It never leaves you really when you, like that's so formative when you're the kids. Don't get me wrong.

SummerSlam 92 is a massive part of my, yout. Mankind getting thrown off that kid. Mankind's past my era. Is it? Yeah. He's like Ultimate Warrior. Oh,

to the war. And the macho man. Oh, Davy, oh, yeah. The cream of the crap. I'm fuck there, my boys. Well, growing up, I think my first favorite.

Tonska, Ray's a Ramon. Oh, Jake the Snakes, I'm going to make you big. Oh, Jake the Snake's like late 80s going into the 90s with Haxon. Jim Duggan and they were around and then Ultimate Warrior Hulk Hogan early 90s where the characters

were dead defined. Yeah. Like the boss man, the Mountie. Quite racist though. A lot of them. But the boss... The boss man ran a corner shop. Yeah, there was a lot of like your Arab so you must be some sort of Lebanese threat. Yeah, yeah. He would all

terrorists to Americans have to defeat. And then like later on Razor Ramon I remember came out. He's the one with a slick back. The one, two, three, kid. And I was already, like,

getting out of it a little bit. Finn loves this. Yeah. And Stone Cold and all came in. No, Stone Cold and the other... Oh, I'd have gone by then. Come on, Dad. So we went to a convention.

Bush Wacklewook was there. Just like doing all that. And it's... There was the smelliest gaff in the world. It's... It was... There was a person there. A same person.

Dressed as mankind. Dressed as mankind. Because it ambiguous. And I think they had a backpack of shit. They had a backpack on. They had a backpack on. I'm not like, they smell bad.

It was poo. It was like, you know when, like when I'm stepping on poo in here, like, you know when you cut into a poo? Right. I've never cut into a poo.

No, but like, if you step on, slice the little slither off. It's like, it's like a knife through poo. You know what I mean? Doing a dead posh.

Dog poo doesn't smell until you activate it. You know what I mean? Like, once you step on dog poo, it stinks. It's like she'd been activated. Yeah, she'd been active.

She'd like, she'd done a poo in a, pants and then just bounced on it a bit. I went round the shops. No, I couldn't tell you. So you're getting into the wrestling then? Well, because he's kind of involved in the regional scene now.

I'm like, so I'm as manager, so I wear a tie and my catchphrase has no photos. Nice. He did do a good job, we've got lots of photos. I'm in, but we're involved in something that maybe you're involved in soon. Okay.

Yeah, just being a teaser. We've got fudes and that. But yeah, we met the great Carly. Yeah. You haven't seen the longest yard, Dan? Adam Sandler, something to do with prison and American football. The other one who, I've never seen her? No.

Oh. You're the great callie, sure. Yeah, yeah. He was there. He was there on Indian TikTok. Is he alive still? He was there, yeah. He looked alike. No, I don't know.

But he's got that, like, gigantic. Yeah, he can't stand up really. They don't knock about it for a long. But we told Shruti that we were going to event the Great Call. He was there, and Shruti's head fell off. He's like a god in India. Care Tangle was there. Nice.

He was quite close to us. Was this in the exhibition centre? No, this was in Manchester a few weeks back. How many women in this room? More than men. I'd honestly say there's more women than men. And some of them had poo in the pants. Fully activated poo.

I went through the one in the exhibition centre years ago. One of our bingo hosts, Rich Kelly, got robbed in Leeds in an underpass. like by ninth point and he was pretty shucking up so the next day I took him to meet Rick Flair and the other thing was night in a restaurant

what a friend Johnny Bongo's the friend you want you shook up got a bit of PTSD yeah phone him I was like you wanna go see Rick Flair and the undertaker

they're in the exhibition center and he's like yeah I love that that's a good and it's sort of like yeah that would sort me out yeah

there was an undertaker there but it wasn't the real one so I called him the undie taker we went in and he was like seven

for full got the full got the full regalia and he was stood outside having a smoke and he went his fucking Ramo in there what? A northern undertaker. Yeah but he broke character outside. He was like fucking that's fucking rammo in here and we're like you're the undertaker man shut up

and there was a do you remember China? Yeah yeah so there was a woman called who was a China look. The big clip was it? Yeah there was a woman called What? Hang up you've you've peaked my interest She's got a big clip There was something about that one there

She did a porno She went into porn after wrestling And I think she had a She was massive like She dead nine And I got banned What? And what Tevez?

Snood You just look like that It was like something to do With the steroids that she did It looked like a small cock I thought Oh Do you just do that

Where you get stuff up on screen in here Or is that not? We don't put them on screen in there I just Google I mean we'll turn the TV on for a big clip I'll tell you that right Laura, Laura's 40 now, and she's going to start the perimenopause

where there's some little flashes. And one of the things that women are being put on to alleviate the symptoms of perimenopause is testosterone. And being a TRT user, oh my God, I want her on tests. Oh, whoa! I'd never see him.

You got that up quick. It was in his book. One of the side effects, one of the side effects of women using tests. is clitoral enlargement. Wow. That's an actual penis. That's what I thought.

It looks like... I'm here for it, mate. It looks like Serano ham. Like rolled. I can't wait to suck off my wife. Did you just... It's gonna be fucking great. That's disgust.

She's dead now China. What are you saying? That's disgusting for? That's potentially my wife. That's one of the ugliest clit. That is the ugliest clit. Oh, come on, Carl. Things are changing.

That's when you show you? Yeah, show me. I promise you, you are not going to like it. Oh, yeah, boy. that is a... Oh my God. Oh, that is a proud member. You could helicopter it.

Whoa. Tina. But this woman at the show, so she was a China look like and she was called China Syndrome. Maybe that's what China Syndrome gives you. That's a cold with us for a bit, wasn't it? I'm not against it.

Emma's manager, please no photos. At El Horno signed. Is it? I thought the whole thing was, we didn't know who El Horner was. I've got the... It's me. I've got the glasses on.

No, it's not me. El Hono's in... He's Mexican. I don't know. I try and keep up the facade. El Harno does share his dyspraxia though. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I've got...

He kicks over as it. Yeah, when El Horno puts the mask on and then steps on a child, I have to apologise as Harry. But he... El Horno does it viciously. He does it Spanish. Do you know what?

It's great, though, that you keep up the mystery for all of the adults that are watching. It's almost like where Carl and Adam live. Let's just keep saying the Spanish. quarter of height and everyone knows it's total bullshit but you just keep up the mystery. But like I

wrestling is fake obviously and everyone knows that. What? Rastling? But it's like going to the cinema and going James Bond he's just, he'd kill him yeah, you gotta suspend your disbelief to enjoy it. It's not it's not fake. It's just it's real entertainment.

Man I've seen Harry Robinson, sorry have I seen El Horner or Harry Robinson? I've seen him get twatted with a chair and That was real. That didn't feel fake. That felt that was real. I heard the slap of metal on Wigginner, and that was, oh.

The two times I've been involved in wrestling is one, I took a chop to the neck, and, like, I thought I was going to die. I was winded, and, like, I was almost crying in the ring. But, like, and the guy after was, like, great sale. And I was like, that's me, baby. I was like. Shall we talk about an event that's coming up Yeah, content? Because it feels like we're very sort of...

Smooth. Smoothly transitioned into it. But we've hired your venue once again, Johnny Bongo. On Sunday the 31st of May, we're going to be doing a Patreon special, a live Patreon special. It's going to be an amazing show, filmed and then put out on our Patreon,

like all the specials. And we needed a venue that's good for not just all the stuff we've done before, like the quiz and the, we've done comedy there. We needed an event that's going to be, content's perfect for live music as well. I did Dan's anthems there. So on the 31st of May, we're going to do the Have a Word, stars in their eyes, patron special.

Oh, shit. And this is the announcement. So we've got all the five vuz that you're used to seeing on the pod. Everyone's doing a song. There's going to be a live band. We've also got some Have a Word guests and legends. Johnny Bongo is lined up to be one of those legends. All doing a song.

It's Stars in the Rise style. Explain because some kids might not know what Stars in the Eyes is because it was finished. An unbelievable cheesy Saturday night ITV mainstream show where members of the public disappeared into fucking puffs of smoke. and then came out as whoever they thought they looked like

or could sing like. Regardless of their race. No, that's in Greece. That's Greece and Poland, to be fair, all of the racially questionable ones are like Latvian stars in the rise where they're like,

it's fine, it's okay, we've painted him. It's okay. I was only before, the Stevie one, the one is unmatched. Do you know, it's really offensive but also quite well done. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. As long as you suspend your...

Dispillity. Yeah, yeah. And Jamie Fox won an Oscar. That kind of thing. Yeah, but he was allowed because he is black. He's not Ray Charles though. He isn't Ray Charles, no.

No one was just a good actor. I don't think any black person has ever been called out for racism for imitating a black person, Harry. Although, listen, you've got a slot. If you want to go for it, go for it. You look about Ray Charles right now. I was out of stuff, I think.

Just trying to find the dog shit. There's going to be a lot of smoke as well. There needs to be a lot of smoke for stars in your eyes. Like, I feel missed. We went and wrecked, didn't we, last week, Dan? And content, as every time you go, you've taken five steps up

and you've got new equipment and new everything. And we turned up, they were like, what do you need? We went, this, this and this. They were like, yeah, Dan, don't worry about it. And smoke. And we were like, ah, we kind of need something else. And they were like, yeah, we'll get loads of new ones. Like, unbelievable.

I love your business model, which is just smash it and have the best venue going. And I'm excited to... Give us another badge. Me? No, we're actually... My head's getting like this. Paying for the rental of the room.

When the tickets are on sale, then. Now? Tickets are on sale now. Tickets are in the description. If this gets to public, I'll be surprised. Not a chance. Yeah, there's about... 500 tickets available.

They are going to go pretty quickly. The doors will open at five. The show will start at seven. I reckon it'll go through to about 10, half 10. Yeah. Sunday the 31st of May, the very first, have a word. Patreon special,

stars in their eyes show. And there's no 40 on because of seasons finished, so hopefully hotels, whether it's been a Sunday. Should be a little less. If you don't live in Liverpool, don't worry. Have a look. It's bongo seating as well,

so it's unreserved seating. So get down early. Doors are open two hours before we start, so go and get pissed. Would you not do standing? Well, we, we talked about it, but there's a lot of intro in at the start of everyone's like who they're going to be.

You're right, it's a lot of standing. Whereas when we did Dan's anthems, that's fine, you come in, there's music on, you're having a dance. But the beautiful thing about your venue is you can just get on the benches and get involved. Yeah. Johnny, have you been, if you've been bowling lately? Guys.

Smooth. Has it taken over your life? There's nothing more than I love than bowling right now. It is the greatest thing that's happened to me this year. It's, yeah, it's unbelievable. I've been, we started in December, spoke to Jack Finner. and we said, maybe we should try and get good at bowling next year. Just, and then Louise bought me a bowling ball for Christmas.

And now it's just a... What a gift. And we're getting good. Like, we're actually... If Jack Finnegan's social media is anything to go by, he's going to be professional within about 18 months. It looked unreal. Well, he's got a lot of style and, like,

I would say we're on probably the same level, but I'm still, I bowl street style, which is just like straight at an angle. He's a spinner. You do like... No, it's not a spinner. Although he's called Finn the Spin. It's a rotation.

Well, we learned that the hard way. Listen, I'm on one now. How often are you bowling? So we're bowling pretty much... So we went yesterday Tuesday to altering him to give that a go. We did 13 games, so that was like three and a half hours. I bowled a 2.14. That was good, five strikes in a row.

But technically, I got two strikes on the next game. So that was 7 in a row. A 240? You only had 200 last week? 221's my house. So you're touring around the northwest to go and checking them out. So Bromba's our home ground. So it's just across the water.

Really old school. I'm coming. And the problem is bowling now, everything's on fucking strings. And it's a cheaper way for bowling alleys to, like it's lower cost. You know, the old school one where it drops and the thing comes. And then it sort of picks it up. Just like just your normal. Yeah.

everyone's on these strings now and it's just not the same. My highest game's 1.35, but I don't play. But I was proud of it. I do enjoy it though. Are you bevying while you're doing it? Monday's all bevy.

Sometimes I get better. It's probably a little bit like darts bowling. It's a lot of it's just in your head and repetition, making sure you're in the right spot. It's crazy how much from going the first time to now. Like, Jack Finneken

was about to kick off last week because they had an oiled our lanes. like that's a thing like the lanes have to be oiled or dressed as it's called and like you know have you got like little outfits yet so at the start we've got

we've got shirts that say because three strikes is a three strikes is a turkey so a gobble gobble so we got these shirts that say turkey hunters always in search of a gobble what's a five

Jack Finnegar five no five's a ham bone six is a six pack a four bag So yeah, we've just integrated ourselves well into it, the Bronba lifestyle heading over there. So now we're ready for, now we're ready for, I think, joining a league. So I think we're going to start off maybe on the Monday day sessions

or Thursday day sessions, which is, I would say, mainly OAPs, but they're good. Like, you should see fucking Joan. Just, she doesn't throw it down fast. Hang on, there's OAPs in bowling clubs. Yeah, there's bowling. This, Brombo league. She's well cooler than Crown Green bowling.

Oh, yeah, it's really busy in the day. Like everyone wearing the shirts wearing like their names on the back. So I think because me and Jack are a little bit younger. I think we're going to come in. And almost with that wrestling intent, become like the bad boys of bowling. Like I'm just going to vape. They're not happy with the way I bowl.

I bowl wrong. I bowl on my right foot. I've been told by the lane owner, that's wrong. And then I hit a 221 and went, Trevor just hit a fucking 221, made on a right foot. And so we're going to go. Hang on. Are you getting in in?

How old are you? 40 this year. Right, you're 40 this year. Are you just getting in, so by the time you've retired, you're like... The ghost. Yeah. But shit hot. Two or three years, we could be fucking pro. They might were playing. I played four, I played 45 games. It does sound great. Do you know, that very famous, what, when he goes, do you think how well I am? Yeah. He got, he got less than 221 in that game. Who do you think he are? I am. I think he had a 201 on that game. You got 221, do they? I have 221. It's just consistency. Did he not get 300?

No? No. You just needed to win by one point. That was just, we have win by one point. Strike to claim it. Strike to claim it. So it's great. Is that the American Bowling League or something?

Yeah, that's the pros. He's like the, he's the goat of. Pete Webb is the Michael Jordaner bowling. He's the number one. And an actual dickhead. Because he comes across as a total bell end. Like he's... No, no.

That's who we're aspiring to be. Jack said to me yesterday, I cannot wait to just be able to wear sunglasses on the lane, but I'm not that good enough. Can't wear sunglasses at work. So, have you stole 2211. He's got pro. But you need to do that all the time to be in the league.

And also that's a final of a big competition and there's like a few thousand people watching. So the pressure's on. Yeah, but I had a 221 with Trevor, the lane owner, like staring at me like because I'm bowling on my right foot and I've had evils. So like, I think it's, I can handle under pressure.

But you're literally, by the time, if this is your retirement plan of like, that's your thing, because it's so good. You're getting 20 years early. Is there like a St. Andrews for the bowling, like a gas? Like, everyone wants the player?

Well, there's one in Japan. Do you like Japan? There's what? The biggest... Japan. There's the biggest, the biggest bowling lane in the world. 100 and 16 lanes. Like, honestly, I'm so thick.

I thought it was dead big and long and you had to really like... That'd be harder. No, 116 that way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's more lanes. It's not long. Yeah, yeah. Are they bowling influences or are you taking that gap in the market?

No, the algorithm, my bowling algorithm. algorithm's just, it's mad. Is there a 25 year old girl with a massive ass who bowls and gets a bum out while she's doing it? There's a Japanese girl that wears like anime stuff with the short skirt. There's another little kid that does it where he's all over the place and then the next minute it comes

eyes into it. Yeah, I've seen him. They've got a great ass. So hopefully the amount of bowling chat we've had here, everyone's algorithms will be off. What's your retirement plan? Because mine is now to basically hang out with Johnny and Bromberra. Are you asking? Is there a thing that you think is an age is away?

I've not thought about it. Is there a thing where you think, you know what, I'm not doing that. Genuinely, with getting a dog, I reckon once the kids are gone and I'm not working as much,

I would love a little dog to keep me company. That would be great. Me and my way. Yeah. There's mad now. No, but I mean,

to keep your company, you want you. I know, but it's a different, I can't walk, Laura. They don't talk to each other, really.

Who? You and Laura? You and Laura? I talk a quarter. She doesn't bite me. I reckon bowling it would be a great long-term because you get to wear the shirts

I wear bowling shirts anyway I mean yeah and like I thought at the start there's no way we're going to wear shirts and stuff and like I don't mind I don't give a fuck I just a fit like

even yesterday there was an issue with one of the lanes and normally like when we first started going I would have went up to the counter and went like there's a problem just on the intent there it's not one of the pins

is not right and like I just walked over and shouted it over you. Give us a quick lane reset on 10, please, babe. And they're dead it? Because you know the lingo? I know the lingo.

Trevor's nodding like... Are the lane's dressed, yeah? What all have you used? It's very, very technical. Do you have to wear the Pido shoes? So I'm going to... You're going to get your own pido shoes. I'm going to get your own.

We've got four balls now between us. We've got the TNT, the buzzsaw, the why not normal. All the different... You've named your balls? No, that's what they are. Is Jack Finnegan more or less cool because of bowling? More?

I don't know about that. I think more. he's good, did he? He was good anyway, though. No, no, no, he wasn't. No, no, but for a novice, when we used to go, but if we,

when we went bowling, like at your wedding, or when we went, was it for your stag as well? He would play the game of, how fucking fast can I hit the pins? Yeah. And he would always win,

just anyway. He's changed though. So he's gone for, he's gone for the two-handed hook technique, which is a younger. It's very frowned upon amongst the older bowlers to bowl with two hands.

So the ball only has two holes. goals and he does that. So a lot of the powers coming from your wrist. Listen, I just fucking love bowling. We should do it as a part of a... Maybe we do a Johnny Day one day. And you can teach us out to bowl. Yes, please.

We just do both. The Johnny Day literally would just be bowling all day. Maybe time for some wings or something. I mean, can we talk about what happened at the Hill Bicco with bowling? Oh, mate. It made my day. God, no. So Jack Finnegan, even though he's a red, you know, we're spending a lot of time.

together at the moment. He's not an annoying red though. No, he was made up to go and see the wonderful Hill Dickinson. So we went to the match. 2-0 against Burnley. At the end, Pickford was doing a little lap.

Looks up to where we're sitting. Does a fucking bowling celebration and starts laughing. And then I messaged Louise Gordon. Have you not seen this, that? I'll show you a video. What? And he's laughing his head off buzzing.

So Louise is, Louise has messaged me I message the way he's going Oh, Pickford's just done a bowling celebration And she knows that all I want to talk about is bowling And now Pickford's just done one And we've just beat Burnley 2-0 It's buzzing

And then she said, yeah, I just seen it on TV So when he's done it Just by chance the camera's on it So I'll show you. Jordan Pickford The Bowling celebration To me and Finners Has seen you two

We're taking over Hang on Hang on Show me, Has he just been to Bongos Bingo a lot? How does he know who the fuck you and Jack Finnegan are? Because Johnny knows

Johnny's got... Johnny's a top blue. He lives next door to the fucking... Right, right, right. Essentially one of the coaches now. No, hang on. I didn't know. I didn't realize

that you knew Jordan Pickford. I thought he'd gone, oh fuck, I love Bingo. And there's a photographer. From having a word. The day just said of 214 in Brombra. We're all talking about it. I love how much he's buzzing.

It was fine. He laughs. Oh, he's not scouts. I was. I was. I'm late. No, you tell you. That's my.

Toffee today. My sunderland accent. I was made up. I need to scroll through all these other bowling videos. Yeah, here you go, yeah. Ready? Put it on screen.

We'll put it in this. Now, here he is. Looking around. He's the boys up there, a little strike. Fuck off. Oh, you geeks. So, sir.

Has he come bowling with you? Yeah. I tried to get him to come yesterday, but he was in Shelting him. Surely he'd be good. He'd be good of catching them. He's only got little arms. He'd be good at stopping them.

It'd be good at standing in front of the pins. Is there any faux paths in bowling, like what we do that we shouldn't do? Well, that was the thing. When we first went down and watched some of the other people playing, that Jack obviously wants to go change from bowling straight to do in the hook. But he said to like one of the older men in there going,

I want, I really want to learn how to spin it. And the guy just lost his shit. He went, spin, it's a central rotation. The ball has a weighted thing. And he just went off and one. And then Jack said it again, like by accident. later on he was like, oh, great spin. And the guy just turned around and was like,

rotation. And I was like, don't fuck up Bromber for us here, Jack. Like, we've only just started. Bolantism. Rotation. Yeah, great. I want to go now. I want to go, like, right now.

Can we record? Would you like, would you not go to like a run? We get excited about it. Can we record the rest of this on the lanes? Is Roxy Lane's like shit now? You like, strings. No, if it's strings, like. It's not good enough.

Like, we love pins. We go to pins. It's a great place, but it's strings. So we go there for work. go there, yeah, the lanes aren't oiled. It's so technical. I mean, they are a little bit oiled because we were on your stag do. I ran halfway down the lane and fell over.

Of course you did. You do that right on the street. That's a faux part. Going on the lane. Don't go on the lane. Don't cross it. The ball was stuck though. Are you remember in this right? Was there a line where you meant to bowl and if you stepped on it, you got a foul?

Yeah. But you used to like buzzed at me. Yeah, yeah. They turned them off now because so many. They can turn it on. So when the Sunday days in Bromber's the big league day, that's where the pros are playing. So they'll have them.

turned on there. Oh really? Yeah, yeah. So shout out Chris Hodd as well. I took my kids bowling for Etta's birthday a couple of weeks ago and they're now automatically like the bumpers come on. So you put, oh, this is a kid on there going. The bumper's on either side so they can't, it can't fall into the gutters. And then Jack was using the rolling thing. You know, like the metal. Yeah, yeah. Where all you're doing is just flying it. But then because Etta wasn't doing it, he was like, he wanted to just roll it. The patience you have to afford. year old or I've never seen a ball move slower as it just it was so like painful as it bounced off painful painful yeah right there you go oh that was a heavy one

was it you hit you hit you hit the tail apparently I say painful he says paintful he does I know how to I know how to spell painful so it's a bit oh that was a bit painful yeah painful pain painful pain painful pain painful pain painful pain painful Painful. Pantful. But now you're thinking about it. When you're not thinking about it, it's fully painful. Painful.

Yeah. But he was just trying to say yesterday that I say hallelujah wrong. Is that wrong? I think there might be an extra element. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Why is all that? That's better, but it's hallelujah.

Yeah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. I think that's in Hawaii somewhere. Hallelujah. You'd have no Ella. Yeah, but the thing is I can't work out what you're saying. So can you hear your saying,

Hallelujah? No, yeah, but I'm saying that hallelujah. Hey, there's an extra help. How do you sing the song? Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah. Hallelujah. It's just Louia, looia. All right, fair enough.

Did you know that Bowling lanes are made of Maplewood? Very strong. Very strong. It's like guitar. Maplewood? Some of the hardest wood ever. So is the Hollywood bowl like an OG on edge lane? Strings, mate.

even when we were kids though it wasn't. No, they would have been on the old system but now they've all gone to strings so. It's a good thing

about Bromber is though it's like he's been bowling for 30 years Ah, the game's gone yeah I started in early December things of change

Oh, strings mate oh yeah the thing is with Bromber though and I'll dream these places where people are going to play the professional league matches

they're going there because there's no strings attached so whoa that'll be a good name for the team no strings attached yeah Better than the allelalalooia boys. Some weirdly sounds Muslim.

Right, let's have a break. Was that enough bowling chat? I think it was. And we're back. We've got some man play. No. I love that one. I love that one.

That's a lovely of jingle Johnny, you need to be involved in there I have, man, man, man, is that like man play? Yeah, I like it. A bit donkey. Johnny, it feels like you are a man, I mean, your life is pretty fun.

It feels like you have got a lot of man play in you. You go on tour with the boys, for God's sake. I'm just back, and then I'm away. I've just got back from Oslo. I'm doing Scandinavia. Are you doing, so do you just go over for the weekend, do a Scandinavian city and they come back? I went and did Oslo on Saturday.

I'm flying out tomorrow morning to Helsinki, which is Finland. Then we've got Copenhagen, Sweden, then I'm going to Milan to watch Northern Ireland in the playoffs against Italy, and then snow bombing in Austria in the space of five weeks. I'm a shell of a man. Are these established ones? Do you go for the first ones?

I'll go and do the launch. That's class. So when you put in these European Away Day Bongo's Bingo shows, how many people are you taking over with the, what's your crew? So it's usually our ops manager, or sorry, our MD, Jess, and then we take away a tech,

so technical tom, and then the retribates, horny hiding, slutty Susie. You do not want to be on a plane with them. It's hard work. They're just fucking nightmares, like absolute nightmares. Why?

What do they do? Just like, like, instant booze. Yeah, that Oslo, that Oslo flight, we did three bottles of Buckei, a load of... No, this was on the way to the airport. So it's only Liverpool to Manchester.

And that was half six in the morning. Then we went with Ryanair. I don't know why anyone gives Ryanair a hard time. It's the best one. Like, we were able to pre-order drinks before we'd even take it off. And the girl brought them down before the trolley came out

in like a white plastic bag just full of miniatures. Like, yeah, there you go. It's like work away. I don't even know that was an option. Yeah. Easy to get two drinks. I think you can only have two drinks for people.

Like, they don't. don't give a fuck. Like, like, Horny Heidi was trying to spark up, he's just like, it was only an hour and a half flight. Like,

slutty Susie, drop, like, you don't do a shit on it, on a plane. Like, not one of those ones that's only an hour

and a half. And he stunked out. And the air stewards were like, had the, like, the spray. And I,

I didn't realize what happened. And I went up and went, oh, is this, uh, free duty free? And they went, no,

it's because you're fucking mate, stinks. The professional, So then three days of heavy, heavy times in Oslo. Find a couple of good karaoke bars. So you go over for three days. Is the show the last part of it? Or do you do the show in the middle?

The show's in the middle. So go on up, say going on at, like Helsinki, we'll go Thursday morning, go and find a karaoke bar. Friday we'll do the show. And then go to that karaoke bar after. And then Saturday. We're actually, to be fair, we did one thing in Oslo, where we went and looked at that painting,

you know, that scream one. Edvard Monk. No, I don't think it's Monk. It's Edvard Monk. The scream. I don't think it's Monch. There you go. You've just been munch.

But you say it monk, don't you? Oh, do you? Is this a fucking hallelujah painful? Everybody says one thing wrong. Eddie Munch. Is it Munch? It's the munch? Is that what it is?

No, I think Carl's got it. Well, whoever woke up saying, are we going for a munch? And I was like, yeah, let's go. Next minute we're in Oslo Art Gallery. When you go to like, them, like, European cities, do you go and then do you hire a local host? No, so I think when we're looking at the doing loads in Scandinavia, I think eventually what we will do is trying

and try and get some more local hosts and dancers rather than fly in and out and like, but see that goes. Just go for the bands and then just, that's the way. How are the Norwegian, I've done comedy in Norway and they were really nice, but it was not subdued, maybe not the right word, but very well mannered. How did they get involved with the bingo?

Well, I was a little bit worried because, when people started they arrived at the venue and I was going like looked all nice but as you said like oh these are these going to be a little bit subdued

and anytime we do a new city or a new country it does take a little bit of time for people to realize what Bongo's Wingo is about but they were great they loved it and just played loads of Eurovision songs

loads of Norwegian rammers and like it's all like quite pop- It was funny when me and Adam saw it in New York and we were like these aren't going to be into this and then they instantly go oh it's just those having a lot and then they just

let it melt away enough for it. There's something amazing about the science of how people react to it because it's not bingo with a party, it's a party with some bingo. I know maybe not how you see it, but when you're in there, you're like,

it's just, there's these amazing moments that you wouldn't think could happen so quickly in the show where you just go, everyone up and everyone gets up. Like, it's so instantly fun. You would like,

why have I never fucking mean to this? mesmerising how the collective just all, everyone just works out, you've just got to give it large immediately. I think that's the nice thing about it. Because obviously, like, I cried all ages and I think you feel, even if it's for people that have never been

and then they go and they go, I don't know if that'll be for me. You feel more out of place if you don't just get involved. It's weird. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just let your hair down and just go. Yeah.

They're like a proper allusions you up instantly. It's mad. But yeah. And I think there's also something amazing about all being sat in the same, spot. Like, you're used to to be like being at an event where the music's going off, but you've got a sort of like, oh, I'm a stood there

and that cunt's dancing a bit too much. But because you're on your state, you've got your little space and you can go as big, oh, it's fucking amazing. I would I'd love us to tag on to a foreign trip. Would you be able to handle it, though? It's so heavy, really, really heavy.

I imagine it's ridiculous. Like, anxiety central. Is there any man play that goes on between you and the boys? Have you? you got any like running bits that uh when you're on when you're on tour um i'm trying to think like what what's what's your when you're going over obviously bookfast is uh an essential is there things that you are like right we're going on an away day we need to pack do you actually take henry hoover's with you yeah so we'll take the prizes our rider our rider is anywhere we do i'll show it it'll be

buckfast cases of darkford cider um rennie's um which I haven't been doing as much recently because I don't, I've stopped smoking and talc, but now I bring my own talc because... What do you mean? What do you need talc for? From my balls. So I'm a bit of, not a talc addict.

I need talc every day. Like, no. Sounds like a talc addict. He looked at him. No, like, like, there'll be... See the legs? You can see all the talc and the crevices. Oh, man.

Oh, I got so close to Bongo Gooks there. No, so basically I have to put, I'll have to put, Calcon every morning. It's a bit sad really because I think my inner, is this too much information? No, it's not. I want more information.

So like my inner, inner thighs is very, very thin skin. So I think like as I was growing up, anytime you'd get a wee bit of chaffage or any time. Chub rub. Yeah, but something like that. But my ma'a would go,

oh, use nanny special cream. So my granny would have had a cream that would solve any ailment, but she had like a exma. But this was a really, really strong. Was it steroid based?

A really, really strong steroid cream. So I'd been hammering this. It's like, we're just taking anywhere in any special cream. And I'd be sort you out. But it's fucking wasted away my inner thighs. It's like, like crepe paper. So. Well, do you need the tel?

If I go out of the house without any talc on, it's a nightmare. Luckily, I've lost a bit of weight. So it's not as bad. But Johnson and Johnson, they changed the recipe of talc. I don't know if you know this. Like, so apparently talc, the element or whatever it is, the powder is, it's a carcinogenic. So if you, if you go and buy talc in a shop now, or if you buy talc abroad, they'd already changed it.

It's cornflower. It's cornflower with perfume. Whereas the old school talc is the only one that really does it. Oh, so you need an old recipe talc. It's like powder's asbestos. I think, I'm not, like, I think Johnson and Johnson got in a bit of bother. And, you know, I would say, I think it was causing a lot of. carcinogenics around like causing people cancer or whatever but I'm happy to take that risk

what I'm saying is I'm not promoting people to use it also you can't buy it anymore but I got ahead of the game when I knew they were changing the recipe I I bought a lifetime supply of talc like diddy well well that's like a lifetime supply of cancer talc well it's just the original talc I haven't had a problem with it so I worked out I worked out I'll live to 75 and I'll probably I'll probably go through, I'll probably go through maybe three, three, like, the average size tub's a month. So, we've got the bingo warehouse and Boodle and there's just like boxes and boxes of talc and then every. So you need 150 bottles a year. Is that what you worked out? Pretty much. Wow. And so you've got, three, what's three times, three times four? Twelve, twelve, twelve times.

12 144 No we need three a month No we need 12 Oh you need three a month Sorry I thought you said three a week Sorry three a month Three times 12

Yeah 36 a year Oh my god guys So 36 year So 36 times So 36 times 30 160 About 1,400 bottles Yeah

So but it's all It's all in the warehouse Although I keep a lot of it In the garage You know Hey they said it was for Ovarian cancer So I reckon you're all right

I think I'm all right because it can't get in, can it? I think that's the problem. You haven't got ovaries, so that's all right. Yeah, yeah. Is that a Johnny exclusive that you've, that you stock, tell? I've just got, yeah. Speaking about Diddy, I've got some builders

working on my house and they were looking for light bulbs and I said, check the shelves in the garage. And the guy went, why have you got all this baby powder? Are you Diddy or something? And I was like, well, no, that's baby oil. And then I had to tell him the whole story about my cheefers. That's phenomenal. You would never know you hide it well.

Well, because I talk up in the morning. If I don't tell up in the morning, if I don't tell you, up in the morning, I am fucked. Do you get a bit of Swan Pass? It's not swamp, but it's just like a really, it's just not good. So, yeah, there you go, Sharon. He's a chafy boy, mate. Want to know anything about bowling or anything like that?

You powdering your balls. I didn't know Talc was its own thing. Yeah, it's his own thing. I thought it was like a recipe of different stuff. No, no, it's its own thing. It's like a material. It might be on the talc. It's just a thing.

Is it on the periodic table? Talc is an element. Talc is found in the earth. Why? No, it's not. Oh, wow. The talc minds. The talc mines.

Of talc menista. What? I thought it was like, just padded at the name. I still don't believe that talc is a thing. It's not a naturally occurring. Yeah, it's like chalk. And so now they're just using perfumed cornflower. It just doesn't last.

It turns more into, the cornflower turns more into a paste. So you don't want to, you don't want paste. Magnesium silicate. Oh, that. That sounds good for your ovaries. Magnesium blows up, they'll do it. Could you set fire to tal? If you set fire to your legs, it's not good anyway, so I wouldn't do it.

Yeah, but I mean, if you set fire to your legs, all you got a bit of a burn. If you set fire into magnesium on your bollocks, then your bollocks are going to explode on. If anyone can do it, Harry, accidentally, it's you. Apparently, it's you. Apparently, it's quite rare to get pure talc. Like, it's always cut with stuff. You got flaking.

Oh, it lived the same life, brother. John's got flaking. When I bought the lifetime supply of talc, and it all came in the shipment, I just got one and cut it open with a knife of my eyes. It's okay, it's good for me, it's good for you. This is good for me, it's good for you, my friend. Johnny Escobar and the talc out, man.

Say hello to my delicate guch. I'm surprised actually ordering that amount of talc, like just before the recipe change, coming in in a shipping container, it didn't get pulled up. That has got to, on some, if they're watching, they must have checked it.

If you order more than 10 kilograms of, like, baby laxative, that is someone somewhere's going, hang on, this is clearly, Being used to cut co-cob. It literally looks like a rock of coke. Yeah. Before it's like broken up.

To be fair, then, if I live longer than 75, I'm going to have to go down the minds in it and get the purest of purest of pure. Go to the sauce. Like American. Like blood diamonds. You miss is fuming because you're up till seven in the morning, powder and your goo.

Why have you cut yourself off? Why have you just get another 10 years worth? Why have you cut yourself off there? I think I've worked it out about 75, but I can't remember it just came in in the big shipment the boxes are like... I haven't told a lot of people about the talc

so it's only really the warehouse manager and we've done a big clear out of our warehouse recently to bring in this new system where things get scanned in and stuff and like Jess or MD phone me and was like there's all this talc here like is that... You leave you better and I just went

no! Because they were putting stuff in skips like if I'd have lost that can you have been like that guy with the Bitcoin hard drive? straight into the landfill. How much do you remember how much you dropped on talc? I don't, I don't even know. How much is, no?

What's the street value? Yeah, I think it's probably estimated, well, it's a street value of about 2.5 million. Nice. We've got some man plays. Aaron Taylor says, it's got a bit of a manplay for you. Whenever I get an empty jar,

I like to speak into it with a deep voice and pretend that I'm Darth Vader. Do it with any in? do with a fan obviously I think it's more fan for me the back of a fan yeah yeah so it has to be the back of the fan because it draws out there

I like talking down tubes yeah makes me happy as well do that again do people still do the comb thing with the paper the what? Oh that's old school that's really old school isn't that

the land that's that yeah Joseph Moyland says Man Play when I'm chopping an iceberg lettuce I pretend I'm a Turkish fellow working in a kebab shop, slicing big cuts of donner meat. I do like caught a lettuce,

a bit crispy, it's lovely. Good noise. I don't, unless you had the... The shaver. Unless you had the iceberg on a spit, I don't see how you're, because it needs to be... Yeah, you shave the Donner Cabab.

Yeah. So you'd need a shaver for you. I love a chicken, Donner. Yeah. I had one sober the other week. Like, I was like, I was gigging in Chester. It was just around the corner.

And it was, early as well. It's a very different meal, isn't it? Like midnight, when you've had a few pints, that is such good scound. From your Gaff as well? Half six, quarter to seven. No, they don't do it on it. It's

chester shwama. Oh, the chicken, like, nice. But it was, it was early in the, I feel like that's not good either when it's sort of sat there and they've just sort of reheated. It depends on the gaff. Right. I'd love to have a go with a chainsaw. Do you, that looks, that looks interesting.

Dave Moll says. Dave Mole. Dave Mole. Just witnessed a great man play whilst driving past a park. Bloke walking his dog, walks underneath goalposts with no net,

jumps and hangs from the cross bar for as long as he can. I think... If you show us dog, honestly, there's dogs in trouble, like hang the dog? He just, yeah, he's not... He's not mentioned

that he's killed the dog. Man played killing dogs. I've never been able to do hanging. Or like monkey bars. I got... During COVID, I did the Crystal May's experience. and I was with my mum and two women from Leeds so I got made to do all the physical stuff

and they made me try and do the monkey bars and they just gave me a free crystal they were like, you don't have to do it. Bless him, he tried. Because I tried the first one and then tried to swing and fell off. And you are? It's fine, but you are dyspraxia.

No, that's not dyspraxia. That's a lack of upper body strength. Apparently hanging's really good. I keep seeing things where the longer you can hang it's good for your grip strength and it's good for your spine. But I can't, I can do it for 20 seconds and then it...

Is there only so long, is there like a world record for it? Yeah, you've seen it in the streets and they, who are those people and is there a, is that, is that a scam? It's like a travelling thing where they go off a go and you're going, when a grand. It vibrates them, doesn't it? No, then they like tickle you and shit. But they spin, don't he? So like if you lose your balance, you fuck.

Right, I knew there was, I knew that wasn't fair play when those, you see those people in the street going, I'll give you 100 quid if you can hold on. But even if they're not, it's hard to, it's hard to hang. When I hit my shoulder, I did it. Apparently, like, literally just hanging around not moving is, it's, it's good. so like strengthen your shoulders. Can't do any more shoulder chat on this fucking podcast, mate. Sam Faulkner Manplay,

walking around the house with your eyes closed to see how well you really know it. I can't say I've done it, but I don't mind that. I've literally never done it. I reckon that'd be quite good. I can do it now. Like if you just map it out. Andrew Vaughn, going for a piss with a morning erection

and seeing how far away from the toilet I can get while still hitting the target. The extra fun bit is when the piss starts running out, you have to quit. quickly start walking toward the toilet again whilst trying to maintain accuracy. There's no women in the house. Andrew, you're a dirty fucker

and you're pissing all over your bathroom, aren't you, mate? No, not if he's accurate. There's no way. There's no women in the house. Why did you do that? I might have done. Not like, not regular, but I know what he means.

Like, you piss from a distance. Mainly in like, have you ever been to anywhere that has you, like, in, not really near. Anywhere that has your irides where, like, you're, like, the only person in the gaff where there's not many people the gaffe. And you've got an erection.

I'm always erect. But like, yeah, you try and get the distance on it and then move closer. Hey, Harry, I totally understand the science of this. And now put yourself in your bathroom at home, like step in three meters back from the toilet. And there's no way you can affect that much accuracy. Well, all of our toilet paper is packed. Like, our spare toilet paper is next of the toilet. So I've got to be dead careful anyway, because otherwise I'll piss on all of our toilet paper supply.

It's bad that. She's left that there with you. Yeah. What, the toilet paper or the piss. Is your dick dyspractic? No, no, I think I've got good name, you know. Do you know what? Sometimes I go to, like, if I'm in the toilets with old fellas,

or like if I go, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Like if I'm at the football. And I'll, sometimes I'll just, because my prostate's sick, sometimes I'll just piss dead off just to flex on them. That does, you know, that does go, like, I'm frying chicken because they're, like, struggling. When you piss and finish, are you done? No, not an, not all.

times out of ten I am. No. Whoa. Ninety, nine, I'm gonna say 100% I've got piss on my pants every. Like that,

that, nine and that ten comes out to like four out of ten when you eat 30s. And you always piss more if you're wearing great trackies. You wear in great trackies, you're always pissed on. You're like,

I'm doing the tenting thing now. Just to, no, no, yeah, but it does, your body goes, you're not finished with that piss,

mate. You are, you are going to piss all over your life. No, like some, some guy tried to, like, teach me how to,

like, like, knock piss him. Okay. I went, I think it was like on a pub crawl in Stockport or something. And I always, I went, I always wore chinos or I've now started to wear black shorts. But I'll always get that final dribble on my leg. And he like, he took me in his audit and showed me.

I'd like push it down like a fruit. Oh, wow. But it didn't work. You were on a stockport pub crawl, first of all, random. Just like, round a load of wrong. What was the guy called? It was like... Someone saw a little stain

and he was like, I'll tell you what, Johnny, let's go back in together and I'll show you how to drain it. He said, just hold the base and pull it down like that. Did he show him you on himself or on you? No, we just, he was doing it

and then I did it myself. That's fun. Like watching Nigella? But then as soon as I did it and looked like every job was out, took it back in, little drip. You could see his penis,

he could see yours and you milked your... He was just showing. It was teaching me. I... I do. I really don't like seeing him in the wild. I didn't. Like...

I just don't know how to do some stuff. Like, again, a couple of weeks ago, Louise, like, just teaching me how to blow my nose. I don't know how to do it. That's why I've always got boogies. I just don't know how to throw my nose. What? How can you get it wrong?

I don't know. Can I go and get you some tissue? Yeah, but like... I just, it doesn't... Like, I've always got bogeys. Always checking for bogeys. You never had a sore fight? Yeah.

You have a soft as a child, yeah. But with Willys? No, no, no, no. Whoa. With Willys. Hang on. When you, when you're pissed together and, and your streams, you've, yeah. Hold the soft fight.

And you've done that in the last few years. Not in the last few years. Right. Hold on. This is it though. Oh my God, you missed one. Nostrum. That's right, though.

You don't do it about that. A little bit. And then she says go in like that. Yeah. Yeah. That's an optional. I mean, I don't, I think you're getting it right. You just don't

There's not in there, you're fine. Yeah. Feels that with the frontiers of science. Yeah. And you've never, even when you were like a record, you were never having sword fights. I was struggling to piss most of those nights.

I, we never, never like, it's not like. Soul fight's in the bandit made, El Bandito, the best bog for it. Never,

Steve giggles as he agrees. Oh, is this why you're your best friends? Because you had like a dick fights. Oh, right. We went bartenders together. No, call I.

Like a Pist and Sword Fight? Yeah. Yeah. There's a bond with bartenders where nothing. matters. Wow. I've worked on a bar and never never saw anyone's. I think that might be. You came to a bandit. We probably had a sword fight that night, not with you. But there have been

sword fights that night. Because there's only one toilet and all bandit all. Yeah. So you, instead of cue and you go in together. No, I've, I feel like I've missed out. We don't have a sort fight in a bit. I don't want to see your dick. Hip hop night. Don't look at me dick. You have to look at my dick. It's just, I'm like, you can't have your mate's dick out and you're having a sword fight. And you're like, what, fucking old, did you just look at my dick?

big gay what's that from peripheral you see it in the peripherals but you're not staring out you're staring at where you're aiming and trying not to cross streams I saw Bondi's dick in the in the changing room golden like diamonds all the way down the shaft I have I've gone 30 years without seeing my best

mate's dick and then I saw it in August last year such a weapon really really off put in like flaccid as well sorry Tim I'm talking about your knob but why is that off putting? I don't know I just don't know he's good in it yeah it's good good

for him. I just didn't want to see it. It doesn't bother me. It's such a large thing. It might be a show. It might be a shower though, and that's fine. He has to be a shower. Because if he's a grower and not a show, if that's his he's got a... Did you not ask him? He's got a three-foot dick.

Did you not ask? If he grows, as well as shows, that is a colossal penis, he'd pass out. He'd be medically dead with the stoncon. Now I want to see his penis. Now I want to see it again. You're right.

Sending him, Bondi. He's ignoring me at the moment. Probably because I talk about his dick on a podcast. He's probably on a helicopter on the moon or something. Have you ever done primary school, ween? When like, you put your pants right down and you're putting the... That's primary school, no? No, we did it in secondary school because it was funny.

That is what's some of the case. I probably actually need to start doing that so I don't get that drip because... It's the only way to stop the drip. I'm going to try it next time I'll go for a way. We'll do it together. Yeah. Sword fight well, doing it. Primary skills style.

Did the same old toilet, he is, perfect. A primary school sword fight. I'm up for that. What did they say in Tanzania when we went for a way in the bush? I was like, is there anywhere? We were in the Chagga tribes, coffee making village. And I was like, is there a toilet?

And he was like, yes, it's everywhere. And then he was like, what did he say? You go on and you bless the ground. Yeah, you bless the ground with your piss. Oh, so we were allowed to that. They said the rangers would show. I don't think anyone gives a fuck about where the Chagga tribe live

Oh no, on the mountain Oh, on the mountain, it's all protected Yeah Yeah, these, they're in the hills of, like, they're in basically the Skelmersdale of Tanzania and no one gives a fuck It's piss ever on Skelmersdale That is a,

The only time I'll do distance pissing is outdoors Yeah Yeah, and you try and draw like rhythmic ribbon Try and do shapes in the air Yeah, like with a spark Only on bonfire night Yeah That's kids pissing as well

and what skids pushing on skids oh yeah yeah yeah yeah I'm not the skids like skids pissing on kids yeah getting rid of shit on a toilet no like if you go in the toilet

and there's skids there you clean your toilet up when you're weak not even of use if it's someone else you take a head for them and go you know what especially someone coming in after you

don't want to be the one blame for the skids well someone asked this ages ago Joeby went into a toilet and it was just decimated with poo are you are you going to toilet and leaving

because that's you, that's done there. No, I wouldn't, I wouldn't go. You just didn't go. Otherwise, you're getting blamed. In fact, I'd, like, walk out backwards just in case anyone was there. You know, like, holy. Oh, there is a limit of like, otherwise, when you walk out, they're like, oh, fucking hell, he's just done.

Yeah. No, I never. When did we go to, me and Steer room? Pog's, not that long ago. And it was, it was, it was, Pogues to the best of times are an absolute disgrace. But it was up to the, up to the top. Nah. The vase of poo.

Yeah. You have to. instantly walk out going, oh, someone's fucking out. Yeah, you go, wow, who's from that? Otherwise, like, you did that meat. Although I have done that when I've blocked toilets in and I've done the back out. Because I'm like, I don't even know. You were in there for 10 minutes and walked out.

Someone's done that. That's disgraceful. And then someone on the, on the pub crawl went, come on, come back in. I'll show you out to poo. Ease it out. Squeeze your head. I went for a piss at Ackrington Stanley. Flex.

And I pissed at the urinal, like the piss. perfect angle. You know a bit like a ghosty poo where it goes to the ball. I pissed at an angle where it came all the way back around the thing and just went on my kecks.

What like when you pour the milk in the cornflict? Yeah, so I pissed my kex with extra steps and then came like a bumerang and then came out and I was like, blah bloody sink explode

though he didn't have my sense I watch the match which is like a swamp and spit. Bloody sink got exploded. Hang on. Didn't you back away

the second the first bit of piss at you? No, because I didn't know. I didn't know that was happening. What were you doing? I was, I was doing that thing

where you were, I was doing that thing. Looking up. Great impression of Steve Runa. Bluil out. It's dark in here. And then I'm pissed

all over me, me cakes. And I think everyone knew, but everyone, like, everyone kept up the facade for me because it was in Madison. So.

It is the downside of Chino's, like they're in, it's nice. That's an album. That's not a band. They're a nice look. You're pulling it off at quite a, like the sort of golf of cash,

the chino. I think it's wank. Yeah. Oh, I've got a pair of beige pants. Is that what you're saying? You do look like, you do look like someone's took their disabled uncle,

golfing. Now? No, not now you've got jeans on. When I wear my chinos? Well, they're not even chinos. They're like, they're uniclo, wide pleated trousers. Not to be all adam about it,

but they are. Nice. That is with concern though, in it with the little stain. Yeah, that's why I've moved the way and gone to black shorts for the while. Mainly I'm wearing black shorts.

You do you, babe. Especially, yeah. It's so bad. Full of piss and towel. Genuinely, yeah. All right, we'll have a break. We'll see you after the break with Connor Burns. And we are back.

Ladies and Jens, please give it up for second time on the show. Conner Burns! Woo! On the show. On the pod. Are you a show, isn't it? It's a show.

It's a fucking TV studio, mate. Look at the same stage of it. You're getting bigger fucking numbers than most of it. Thank you, Connor. Yeah, I'm trying to get back that. Bit of ball looking.

Bit of ball licking to start. How are you, mate you well? Good, mate. Hi, busy. Have we caught you on a, you're in the Northwest because you taught a lot? Yeah.

Or have you come down specials? Half and half, really. I've come to, I need to visit my social media guy. lives in Manchester and we're shagging each other nah I just need to meet them like in person

ask them why I've no got the career you cunts I've got you look more like Andy Murray than I remember I get I get that loads because I sound a bit like him as well and I don't remember

you look like Andy Murray you got a bit more expression in your voice yeah I can do it though I can switch it on right oh oh that's brilliant that you know that's him winning the lottery while getting sucked off oh that that's really good that

I love tennis ecstatic Harry yes was he he I can't every time any Murray comes up the Dumblaine he was under a desk he was in his girl when it happened yeah and his brother

Jesus that new room from fairy tale of New York fairy tale in New York. It's like your go to, in it. Yeah, O'Castin McCall, speedboat. Oh, yeah, that's, I. Yeah, so when, the one from, yeah,

that's like your, it's like the Tourette's of, you have to say it. Yeah, you have to think, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You go Dumblain before tennis. I don't think of Dumbane at all, but someone always mentions Dundas is like, so, Dumblain feels that you've got like a bit of insider knowledge. Yeah, no, hang on.

I know, I know, I, I, I do know he played tennis. We meant, oh, if you brought up Andy Murray and you went, you know, he plays tennis. tennis. Interesting fact about him. Tennis player. Fucking good as well. Who's the,

Kirstie McCourt? She got hit by his speed, both. She got hit by his feet. She posted us on Ottaway and Dad. Yeah. Right. Yeah. But there's always someone

will say. Paula Radcliffe. I heard that was, shit herself. There you go. We've got them. I heard that Richard gear. Hamster.

Hamster. Was it a gerbil or a hamster? Can I get a VAR on that? I don't know. Like, it feels, I'd imagine it feels the same. Who's the one? that was with Catherine Zeta Jones.

Michael Douglas. Pussy cancer. Yeah, there you know. He got throat cancer from eating her out up there. Oh, yeah. Which is, I didn't even know that was an option.

He said, you can get it? Because I'm a generous man. Richard Gies a gerbil. Not a hamster. He isn't. It's good at tennis as well. Richard Gays a gerbil.

What about a triple thread of Prince, Michael Jackson and Marla Manson? Suck themselves. Rebs, yeah. See, my school? one was Madeline Manson. I didn't know that, like, mine was Prince. Michael Jackson did it so he could get lower

to suck smaller cars. That was your school's one, yeah? Yeah, Marilyn Manson. Oh, he took two, it was two, we could suck his own thing. Yeah. Is it the same, it was the same urban myth that it's just adapted to a new generation, like it was Prince and then it was

who was it before that? Doris Day. For my generation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. George Fong. It's another thing that went on behind the scenes on the Wizard of Oz.

Oh, was there someone hung themselves? Well, yeah. It's a bad, isn't it? Was it meant to be one of the munchkins? It's a bit, it's a bad, I want to. Quite a good quiz.

You wouldn't need much round us. Two feet off the ground. You have a big quiz round us, I think. Like this feature. I heard, I heard Kirsty McCall was a jet ski. I thought it was jet ski as well.

Oh, was it? I know she pushed her sort of the way. I didn't hear ever heard that. But then she jumped in the way of it, which was unnecessary. See, if you saw them recording Fairy Tale in New York, you'd never guess she's going first. No, definitely. He's only just gone. You know what I mean? You'd never guess that. Speedboat. What speed boat was it? Don't come with me with him. I just, I'd imagine Shane McGowan probably doesn't he spend much time at sea. Wasn't Jeff Buckley? Spade Bell. Yeah. Was that not?

He drowned. Did the fuck's Jeff Buckley? It's the al-laloo. He sang allelelujah. famous. Hallelujah. Oh, I know the Panama one. That's it, I'm gonna. One minute.

Did she die in the speed boat? Yeah, you got hit by a boat. Just don't fuck with boats, mate. So with the whole fucking cast of glee, those cussed cunts as well.

Yeah, but they all killed themselves, didn't they? It was not all serious. But with a speed boat? No, one of them died on a boat. No,

one of them died on the boat and it was really bad because she drowned and her son was left on the boat. Tell you what we're getting to the point of it is, is don't take your fucking kids out to see. Don't get it.

Read that poster behind, Dan. What does it say? Beware of the sea. Thank you. Don't get in the fucking sea. We don't bond, did it? No, I'm a big believer in that. I almost died in Capri a couple years ago.

Is that a few fucking... Did you say Capri son or Capri son? Capri son. Nice, that's the right one. Yeah, but I say Capri. I don't... Yeah, like a Ford... But I would say a Ford Capri.

Yeah, if I was fucking 75. How did you nearly drowned? Did you just say you nearly drowned? Yeah. And you just went, is it Capri son? I nearly had a death experience. How do you say that?

That's the question you go to ask before they throw you the fucking life preserver. Is this cunt worth saving? I just add a few. Do you know that thing? It's a very toxic masculinity thing where I was with my fiance

and we went on a boat trip and there was a bit where you can jump in and she's just a really good swimmer because she learned and I'm a shite swimmer. but I'd had a few drinks and you just got that thing we're like, if you can swim, I can fucking... Swim is not really a belief-based thing.

Trish when you drop out. And I just jumped in and it was choppy as fuck and it was the most embarrassing thing ever because, first of all, I'm in swimming trunks and I look like shit. And it saw these fucking American tourists and that that are all shredded. And then it's just me like,

help! The fucking guy from the boat had to like pull me. There's no less sexy angle than I. slightly fat guy being pulled back up onto a boat. Did you get the full, the life preserver treatment? Did they, like... They had the, no one had to throw it to me. They had like four of them out

because fat wanks like me fucking go under all the time. They just heard them at the back of the boat for you to grab. But he clearly saw me grab it and saw the fear in my fucking eyes. What? And this Italian guy dragged me back into the boat. Genuine. Did you have the thought,

oh, I'm going to fucking drown it? I'd taken a mouthful. Oh, no. Like, shit. Aye, aye, aye. And my missis was like, just move your arms.

I'm like, I'm walking, and I think she probably got pumped off on my own. I, I, I, I,

do you know what? And you know what? And you know what? I'd respect that. I'd be like, I understand the ache. When we were in, on safari,

I thought I was going to die because a cheater got on the back of, Spoilers. Got on the back. Well, it's, I don't think it's in the special.

Surely that's not special. There's no, there's, when you went on all no, 11. 40. Oh yeah. No,

the cheater and the fucking new tune. Got in the, got in the, a cheater jumped onto the

Biden. I'm not sure this is being filmed probably because Shruti, who is honestly five foot one and I think

weighs about six knots. She's snack size to a big cat was pissing herself laughing at my fear. Like Jack Finnegan was having the

best time I've ever seen him have. So we, we drive up, there's cheaters on the side. We've seen a lot of different,

I know you're not going to say this as far as a bit of shit. I know you're meant to be like dead grateful, but there's a lot of driving around in a land cruiser for seven hours on the worst roads ever with Tanzanian drivers who are fucking mental. At one point they started racing each other for a laugh. Oh, that was fun. Yeah. They're crazy.

And then you stop and there's like, oh, there's an animal. And they're usually ages away. They were like, there's some hippos. It just looked like a big pile of shit. And then we saw some lions, pretty cool, a wilderby. And then the cheetahs were right next to the Land Cruiser. And because these are camera noncers, like Shruti and Jack are like, oh my God, they're so close. And I remember thinking, yeah, they are the dead clothes.

And they sort of like, we're all fucking taking pictures like, oh, it's cheating. And they're beautiful. But then they both walk around the back. And they were like, oh, look, they're walking around the back. And then one of them jumped on the back of the Lankruiser. They jumped onto the spare tire at the back. There's no roof on the Lankruiser. Because it's like a movable roof.

I've seen it put up. Like a lunchbox with the lid off. I've seen it put up and put down several times. It goes up and locks in. There's a good like two feet where you stick your head out like a bell end to see the wildlife. The cheetah gets up

and I think it's trying to get in to eat us and my voice changed. He turned into Peter K. I know I'm from Lancashire but I start going, oh! Get the roof do! Get the bloody roof do!

It was fight or flight and Jacques went into just well we're going to die. It's hilarious. at least that's recorded. There's a 43 second video, and all you can hear me is do it. Like, get back, you bastard, you're like,

get back, you're bastard, your legs. Just took one. And the more, what? So then I was like, I'll pull the roof down. But you know, if you've seen on the videos of the Pamplona Bull Run, where you're like, someone starts running, everyone runs, and then one knobbed

sort of through adrenaline, can't remember how to run. And you're watching the video going, you deserve to die, your stupid cun. Because his legs go, and he's like, oh, that was my hand. That was my hand. I was sort of like spinning on spark

and just touching the roof going get the hook of the roof then get the roof down You do it like a big cat when you do that Jack's like I loving it it was more annoying that Shruti was like that was so funny you're like you're edible mate yeah and then everyone turns up

and like what's up with you and I was like there's a everyone turns into fucking David Attenborough oh there's been no fatalities between Jesus and humans did you not know that? No I fucking didn't. I thought it was going to get eaten. I hate that shit. I hate when you're freaking out

about something, people like, actually, you know, weather's never actually brought down a plane. And you go, aye, but it could. It felt like it was going to. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, if a cheater jumps in your thing, the first thing you think is I'm getting eaten. They're massive, aren't that? Yeah. Oh, not just on and off day, just take a wee.

They could actually that they can't. They've never attacked a human. They never. Like on those safaris. Oh, Johnny, after the attack, after the incident, everyone's got facts about cheaters. Like, oh, actually, they've got very brittle bones. They would never attack a human. You don't know that when the cunt's on the back of that. Also, maybe you're a different type of human.

Tasty. Do you what I mean? They've had none but cadbury's and here comes a milky way. It could be... Exactly. Milk. I don't want to be in that game when everyone goes, oh, Dan Nightingale, and they're like,

podcast, oh yeah, you got eaten by a cheater. Oh, yeah, you be that. The first cunt to get eaten by a cheater. And I think they'd be the worst one, because don't they don't eat it all in one go they fucking just drag you up a tree and let you come back and

lost a bit of weight I'm easy to get up the tree just screaming like Peter Kay yeah yeah let me do just what are like shut the body room shrewts he's still laughing

and filming it this is all funny he's dead I'll have a cheater just turned you a reform voter get the moon shut the morning waters

I just I know there's things you men are do and you're going to be like, this is just so, so majestic. I would have been like, if a fucking, in my other killer animal tries to jump in the car, I'm in.

I'm up being like, ha ha, it's funny, I'd be shitting me, but it was funny to watch you do. I'm a big dog person. I like dogs. Good tickers. When you came in, that was a very easy, quick.

Boxer dogs out of you. They went down the game as quickly. Like, I've got a wee dog now, but we always grew up with big, like, boxers and that. But I also understand it's annoying. when there's a fucking massive dog bearing its teeth and try to jump up in that.

And a person who you've never met who's just holding them by a fucking shoe waist is like, it's fine. They'll no touch you. And you go, I fucking don't know that there. Not yet, he hasn't. He will have you let go. He has the ability.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe I'm the... I've seen it in my chihuahua. Really? There's fucking evil in those weird. Chihuahua, yeah. Do you know, and I think the only reason she hasn't fucking mangled my throat

is she kind of got to it. I mean, right. I've seen it in her, though. Maybe God had a plan there. She's also got no teeth. What? She's got three left. Well, she's smack-edge-all.

Small dots. Well, she is for Birmingham. But that's where we got her. My cat's got one tooth. Aye. Small dogs, it's really bad, because they've got the same amount of teeth as any other dog.

So they're at fucking crammed in. Is that true? I, like, obviously, no, the same size. But she's got the same amount of teeth. teeth as like Alsatia. That's the same as people, oh, isn't it? Like small people.

I've got the same ones of teeth. Yeah, yeah. Big people. We're going to have to kill a midget and open them up. We're just seeing how many teeth you've got. Just take them the dentist. Do you, do the dogs go to the dentist?

There isn't a dog dentist, isn't it? Yeah, but you meant to do yourself. You meant to look after it all off yourself. There's definitely dog dentist. You meant to do dog dentistry at home? No, when I take my dog to the vet, and they go, you need to be cleaning his teeth more. So I'm meant to be looking after his oral health

who does not to take him the dentist. Don't you get them one of those we choose that's meant to... Yeah, we've got a little finger, finger blush as well. Yeah, I'm not, mate. Is that sad? Pain in the arts trying to get a dog, look, much... I'm all right, I don't want to be a dog down to. It's so fucking stupid, eh, when you think about, like, of what they are.

And now we've got them in the house, and we've got a fucking fuzzy thing on the end of my finger, I try to brush their teeth. But you have to wipe a baby's ass for four or five years, so... True. Four five years? I don't know. Not consistently, but I had to wipe a bum this week, to be fair.

Laura's. She just way too much fibre. Got cut short. We went to the zoo in Australia and it's funny because I just grew up going to zoos here. I know Chester's got a good one

but everything's quite a bit shit and everything looks a bit sad in the zoos here. And over there because the whole country essentially is a zoo, all they've done is just put fences around bits of the bush. and I just thought kangaroos would be like

behind a fence over there but that bit of the Aussie zoo is fucking open It's open plans out And they're like You walk around them can't yeah And it's not one of those things It's not until you get close where you go This thing could fuck me up

In ways Both feet are just big fucking spiked If that thing rears up and does me It's game over The thing is kind of Like Carl dies on a few hills but he will die on this one again. He's absolutely

convinced that he could bang out a kangaroo. And the fella just got his hands on his face pushing it away like as a child. You've got a brain of a human. I'll get where you're coming from because I just walk around the back of he. Have you seen some of the neck? What about that one that's just like absolutely ripped that gets the guy's

dog? Yeah and a fella snaps it in the face. It does nothing. It backs off. How would you snap it? A kangaroo's like, I'm big me. And you go, what was it gone? And you go around the back and grab its neck

and just snap it. A guy told me... With the brain of a human. A guy... An Aussie comic told me once that he knew an old guy that lived in the fucking middle of nowhere in the bush

and he had a kangaroo in a cage in his house and he used to just get tanked up and fucking poke it with a stick and be like, lads, look at this. He's like, thing wants to fucking kill me and then as he got more tanked up, sometimes he'd open the cage

and go in and scrap it. He went, but like every time the kangaroo fucked him up. Like absolutely... He just... He's right. I mean, that's clearly a personal thing at that point. I mean, you really need to start doing jujitsu

when you're wrestling your own kangaroo for a time. I get what you're coming for though, because I have gone on record before. You know that fucking conversation like, what's the biggest animal you think you could take if you had to? I don't really think this now, but at the time I thought I could choke out a horse if I had to.

Because it's just on neck. It's on neck. It's all neck. Yeah. How would you get to it? Well, you've only got to get to one bit. you've not got to choke out the whole fucking slice. It's not that thick of muscle before it's windbite.

Like even a giraffe, if you get just under the chin, surely that's game one. I think she can stand up, batten him. Stand up with a giraffe and punch it's edding. No, no, no, no. It's the same principle as a kangaroo. You go around the back and then boot it in the leg. Well, my thing... My thing with the horse is like you're already on

its back. Which in a... Oh, hang on. So this is in a fight situation. In a jihitsu position, you are in prime position to take the back. Yeah. Oh, so you're going from, you're on, you're riding it, and then all of a sudden you're like, I'm going to kill this horse. If I have,

you're simply killing it. You're just knocking it out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I reckon it's probably a good strong three and a half, four minutes to kill it. I think you could hand off. It'd be like a, what do you call it, a buck and bronco kind of situation?

Most people in Benadorn last 20 seconds on those. I think, though, you do have the element of surprise if you're just riding it. And it's not ready. And you just decide. And it's got blinkers. If you just decide it's its fucking time. You're just using a fucking sniper rifle as well then.

You know, that's what's actually happening behind the screens at the Grand National. Tap, tap. They think they shoot them. That's all they just, it takes 20 minutes to choking up. You know, I mean, I'll die on the kangaroo hill. Horses next. I don't think I could now. I was just about feeling myself.

I don't even think I could slow down a donkey. No, they can kick. Walk around the back. No. It's cake, sweep its legs. No animal is aware. No animal, apparently, according to Carl, is aware of behind them.

So it's not a... I got, where the fuck is he gone? No. But you could go, hey, chicken. And then they'd be it's... Chicken. And they go, whoa, and then there's a look. You've got cognition.

Oh, I thought you were fighting a chicken then. You're distracting an animal with a chicken. You could fuck up a measurable amounts of chickens. I think you'd die of exhaustion before the chickens go to you. With me legs. I, yeah. Just kicking them over the face.

And the first one, he's getting, he's getting void. And lean back as well. Put him over the bat. Easy. But then it's do the, are the chickens working together as a team? They're incapable of that. Yeah, because they haven't got the cognition to work together as a team. But then they wouldn't be fighting you because they haven't got the cognition to start

a fight to the death with a human, have they? No. So are you just going in a chicken pen and volleying chickens all over the shop? Like, keep them coming. I'll win all the. If they were, if they had the ability to get organized, the chicken industry would not be... I told you they was organised.

These comie chickens? I think when you're talking about fighting the animals, are they like zombie-fied? Are they... Have they lost the element? You know what I mean? Because zombies are just like... They're going to go for you.

Yeah, they just go for you. They don't think about their own failties. If you're fighting a human zombie, you're fighting a zombie, they're just psychotically enraged to kill you. And that's what they were all trying to do. Now, if you had 100 zombie chickens, all trying to foot you.

you up. Yeah, you're done there, mate. It's, like, like, a hundred amsters, if they were out after you, like. Yeah, because you can climb. Friday night and Richard Gerems. Just got a fucking tube. Like a nightclub with a queue. Keep them going.

But they can't you? They could get up and get your neck. Take your eyes out. Amsters? Oh, I thought... 100 amsters are doing. There's other ones where are quite small, but I think not many would... It wouldn't take many to fuck you up.

Like, I think, like, maybe seven or eight badgers would give you a fucking run for your money. One badger, mate. they go for the cock, honey badgers? Yeah, yeah. About a scorpion. Yeah. Oh, no, the honey badger is the most dangerous one.

They go for a... Yeah. I saw a honey badger fighting an elephant and it basically got trodden on twice. And at one point, that people watch him are like, oh my God, it's dead, it's dead. He's trampled on it.

And the honey badger sort of... You know, when you're watching like a pub brawl and someone gets basically knocked out and everyone's like, well, he sort of asked for it, the honey badger takes a second, goes, no, I'm still fucking fighting. And then just goes for the elephant for a third time.

You can almost see the elephant go, fuck's out, mate. Just give it up and stamps on him again. They just have no... They're the psycho. Heavy fellas, honey badgers made.

And they've got like a name that, you know, makes it into like a false sense about it's a honey badger. Yeah, but an elephant doesn't know it's called a huddy badger. No, but I mean, like,

we do. Oh, we've come of the honey badgers over there. Fuck, that's a good point. It's like, we're the only ones that know the names for all the animals. And we know how scary they are.

Yeah, I've never thought of it that before. An elephant doesn't know. assumed that a fucking lion goes there's a couple of zebra think a lion is. Just like, oh fuck. Are you vent this horse? No, something's going to blow your mind.

The brain is the only thing that ever named itself. Oh. I just thought. Pretty good that. You know what this? 5 a.m. kitchen. Yeah, I'd be

fucking hell. Talking about an animal that could beat me up. His pairs. He doesn't know he's no a zebra. I don't think he doesn't know he's a podcaster. I think... Yeah. I think he's like,

lads, when do you want me coming in with a guest? Easily the most followed dog in the North West. Easily. Yeah, we've got a new dog in the Haverwood family. Adams currently on paternity leave for his Rottweiler. Right. Because when you get a pal getting a dog,

you really want them to get a Rottweiler. Yeah, yeah. Do you think he'll become a... using the dog as an excuse guy. Like, no, you know, like... I mean, he's not here today, so... Like, you know, like, we've all got a mate and they're, like, weirdly dog-obsessed.

And they leave every social gathering. We just need to take the dog out. Oh, no, I think it'll be an excuse to bring the dog to every... You'll forget. He's got a dog after six months, I think. Oh, shit, the dogs and all? That's what'll happen. Yeah, it is one of the bonuses of having kids is that you can... It's a sort of excuse.

that you sort of can't get round. Oh yeah, I'm not, I'm not having a go at it. I think I love it. No, it's great. Any excuse to get out of a fucking social gathering. It's a new card that you get to play like, oh, I'm sorry. To do, Con is just don't go.

I don't usually. I'm a fucking, it's becoming a bit of a problem. Steen realm's God, though, and it's where all my fucking stuff is. And you're going to end up there anyway? I, exactly. We're just sitting on the couch with extra fucking steps here. You're just making me dressed up. to end up on the couch anyway.

People think comics are massively extrovert because they see them on the stage and like, but like there's loads of comics like, oh, I cannot be asked. You know what? I think we all start out wanting to be like, I'm going to go to every party and you realize that 90% of the people that they accommodate are fucking cunts.

And then you just go, I think I'll just sit on the couch in the house. How old are you, Connor? I almost say 29. I'm 31. You're lame. I'm an old soul. I've got old parents, though.

Like, I'm the youngest of four by 10 years. All right. To the next one. How old were your parents when they had you? Surprised. My dad was mid-40s. Right, old, yeah. My dad's 73.

Right. So whatever 73 means. If you had an old mom or dad in school, that was your thing. That's what you got scattered for. Yeah. My parents was about the same age as all my mate's grandparents. Like one of our mate's moms was called Jean. And she was old.

She was called Sleepy Jean. I will watch it she's she was my age weren't she? Was she 45? No I think she was No by the time show she was like We were in yeah we were in

you know big school at year like 15 16 I'd say she was pushing 60s yeah Yeah maybe 60 Like sleepy gene But I have my dad Is a fucking legend But he's like

Just proper old school miserable And I definitely get for him And he keeps like a My dad doesn't will immediately meet a person Have a conversation have a conversation and then turn to us and be like, don't like that,

cunt. And then six months later, the guy will do something and he'll be like, I fucking tried to tell everybody. I told you there's something no right about him. And I've got a bit of that as well. That's me with Steve Mulhern. I called an ages ago. There's more than just fucking rabbits.

Is it come out though? Has it happened? It's starting to bubble in it. Is there something bubbling about Mulherne? Is the Mulhern bubble? Yeah. Been on that one for a little while as well. Yeah.

Didn't know why he was getting all that work. I'll be honest I get the feeling that you've heard stuff it's just a feeling No I'm not there I don't know There's bobbolins

I think Bubblins from O'Harn yeah Yeah Yeah yeah yeah yeah Yeah It's like a close to school field For all those years

Wasn't he? What? He was very close to school field For all those years Exactly He had snakes as well According to his Wikipedia I did change his Wikipedia

To that hill I got a five year ban Yeah The fucking It's been extended To a lifetime I'm lifetime Banned for this

studio. So if you're in the studio, you're not allowed to Wikipedia, Eddie. I've got I've got everyone banned. Honestly, any big magicians. What you fucking height? Magicians in general, they're the fucking, they're... Dynamo. He's cool, isn't he? Isn't dynamo cool? There's just something. Why are you

spending your whole life trying to fucking fool people? You're getting ready for something big. Well, Horne wasn't even a good magician, is he? He was a tele-magician one. He was like, oh, he was kids? He was like a... He was a kid's TV money. Yeah. Yeah. He was I like the way that we would look

at tele-warm-up comedians or something even though some really good ones I like David Blaine though I think David Blaine's sick and I always remember I like him though but that's a big sounder isn't it Did you ever watch up on like MTV in that late night they'd have Chris Angel

Oh yeah Do you know I watched an episode that recently And I cannot believe how fucking stupid we all were It's literally just they turn the camera off And turn it back on and the thing's gone He's in a fucking warehouse And he's like we're going to make this bus disappear after this break

and you go back and it's gone and you wait they've just driven it in the fucking back and I'd be sitting in my room at 12 being like this cunt's a fucking demon I had no idea how deli worked I didn't mind that masked one oh yeah because he was going against the magic circle

the one that revealed all their secrets ITV primed tab as well my name must be against me that was a scary mask that's going to be that minute that used to terrify me that's going to be like a fucking Epstein island the magic castle. Should I aim?

You know, like the, the magic castle is going to be an Epstein's island at some point. It's all going to come out. Do you know what's talking about? Is magic castle like the illuminative? Yeah, yeah. You've got to be in the magic circle to get into it. It's like the masons.

It's an actual thing, the magic circle. It's not. Even though magic isn't real. Oh, check. You have to, you have to go and display your ability as a magician at the magic castle. At the door? To get in? No, you can't find the door. That's what it's so hard.

If you found the dog, you're in. But, no, there's a wee fucking, the guy opens the wee thing. And then he opens the bottom bit and his legs, then he line up with his body. And he goes,

if you don't know how I've done this, you're no getting in. No, you've got to go, you've got to do, like, I spoke to a magician about this who's in the magic circle, and it's basically just like an initiation, an initiation,

you've got to prove that you're like a certain level of magic. and then they'll let you in and then you get to go to meetings and all that at the magic circle and learn new techniques and like they fly in like the best magicians in the world to put on like private shows and all that for people. And the magic

castle isn't an actual castle someone. It's in like Hollywood or something else. It's a real thing. Magic Circle is a real thing. Yeah but there's like the headquarters. Yeah I understand what the, it's just a union of noncing magicians in it. I'm right there with you. In L.A. It's in L.A. and it's

massive. Yeah, it's huge. But you've got to be recommended by two existing magicians. Yeah, magicians. Neil Patrick Harris is a big guy in it. He's a big magician. He's a big what in it? Fucking would be, would he? Right. Do you say gay or guy? Well, both apply. But he is a, no, I met him at the Edinburgh Fringe last year. Nice guy? Aye, but you definitely got that. Hints of magician. You definitely got that, he's a apartheid. He's a apartheid. He definitely got that, like, media trained. I'm not letting anyone in on an actual conversation vibe. All right, okay.

And then I saw a six foot five gay guy with the biggest cock I've ever seen my life, whip a rose out of his mouth. Are you know what his cock was big? No, no, no, no. The actual stamp town that goes to Edinburgh of you. It's like a variety.

They've got a guy that comes out, the best closer I've ever seen. He comes out, he does like, contortionist, body tricks and all that. Giant fucking jacked guy. And he gets people at the audience and puts a rose in their mouth or like in the crack of their ass.

and then whips it out. And Neil Patrick Harris was in the crowd, so he did it to Neil Patrick Harris. And then the guy's closer, which is crazy that this isn't at the end of the show. I watched a comedian have to come out and bombs so fucking hard after this. Because the guy gets these massive knob out,

puts some kind of solution on it and lights it on fire. And then it's like, fucking, a comedian comes out and me like, so I was on the train today. Just as 10 minutes to stand up at the end, of the show. Well, it's like a variety of shows that's different every night.

So it just happened to be the night we were there. They had a stand-up come out after him. What's the trick? There's cock's on fire? He's got a massive flaming cock. I feel like you judged the level of the trick there.

I miss heard of that. Have you ever lit your cock on fire? It's not massive. I thought... And he's got to look more to risk than us. I thought what happened was they put a rose in someone's mouth. That guy whipped his dick out

and then whipped the rose out with his dick. I was like, Separate tricks. That'd be better. I'm buying tickets. Well, Bondi does in his spare time.

That's what Bondi did in the changing room. That's why I didn't like it. Bye. Fair enough. Are you doing the Fringe this year? I am. Yeah, and you're about to go to Australia?

I am, I'm going on... This show that I'm touring now, Gales, is the one that's going to Australia. And then after that, it'll be a new show for the Edinburgh Fringe in August. And you've got a special coming out? I do. A wee special.

it's we're filming it we're doing as a live stream this weekend in Glasgow um but then it's going to be available for like a couple of months on the streaming service after that all right nice one um what's it called gales after the defender no it's just a scots it's a scots word i thought it was William galaas no maybe that's where it comes to it because it means like confident cocky he was he was he threatened to score an own goal once he did um if arsled didn't sell him so maybe that's why Chelsea? Just to clear up, this is not

what Connor shows about. The social defendant, William Gallus. It will be what my next shows about. How's that spell? G-A-L-L-U-S. Oh, that's a yes. That's just checks. It's just one of those things.

You know what it's like you name a show fucking before you've even put penny paper. You kind of got to keep it. That's a good word. Yeah. Hi. Where can we, where's the stream of service? It's Loungeys TV.

So they're filming it. It goes up on their platform. You can watch it for like a couple months. I don't know when this goes out, but it gets live streamed on Saturday the 14th of March and then stays up. Today. So the early access.

Yeah. If you're watching this, it's all. Oh, you're on the homepage of Loungeers TV. Yeah, I don't think there's 100,000 people. Are you doing it at the Kings? Yeah. Class there, isn't it? Yeah, yeah.

just me and Nile Rogers, I think, on the homepage last time I checked. Just you know. Is it? Fucking hell. Yeah. If you haven't seen Conradu stand up, go and follow him online and go and watch is this one, Gallus? Yeah, this one's Gales. Yeah. It's great. I am actually buzzing. The Kings and Glasgow is fucking unreal.

Yeah, we did murderers row there. It's gorgeous. It's the best. I did it for the first time on tour last year. And yeah, it's just one of those ones where you're like, what the fuck is going on? How have I done this? It's beautiful I've fooled this many people We will have a little break

And then we'll come back with some Prep Final section Now we're going to whip out An absolute classic Ooh It's room 102 Is a classic

I'm in charge today I forgot on the jingle Who do you think you are Is that a bowling reference Easy Easy you're doing all right He's done really well He just wants the bowl

Let the boy bowl. Like his vans. Room 102. If you could, Connor, if you could fuck something into the abyss so it no longer existed, what is going in your room 102? The one that's on my mind at the minute

is music biopics. Like films about musicians. We've fucking shagged the arse it. I knew they were making this Beatles one. because they Barry Keoggan. And that's what I learned yesterday. It's four different films. On the same day.

And I know where we are. And I think the Beatles aren't overrated. I don't think they're underrated. I think they're correctly rated. I think they changed music forever. And everybody appreciates that. But how many films are we making about these cunts? It's one each, you know?

What could we possibly still learn from a film in 2026 about the Beatles? Do you know, what's Ringo stars middle name? I don't know. I'm sure it's out there. I'm sure it's out there. Are you a Ringo? a ringo defender on Pete Burns

wasn't the thing on the Pete Burns Defender Pete Best son Wasn't the the Beatles they did like the What's the guy that did Lord of the Rings?

That's what I mean Wasn't that like 24 hours of footage We've just heard that It was They had yesterday Where they've even There's even a fucking

Beatles film Now where John Lennon survives Yeah Which is yesterday Yeah I mean It's a bad ending

It's a bad end And also I like how they still made him like peace and love. Whereas if he'd just been a 75 year old guy that wasn't in a band. He would have seen that brown guy

coming up the beach and fucking show him. Really unusual take on the old John Lennon. I get what you're saying about. Is it a Ringo film? There's one each. There's one each and they're releasing them on the same day. Well it's just, and I actually am saying this

in defense of like the Beatles and Elvis and all that because sometimes I think the reason that all those guys are so great as it's pre-internet and we didn't know fucking everything about them. And now, as soon as a pop star gets big, have you noticed like the fruit

goes ripe and then rots really quickly because we learn one fact about the person that doesn't align with us and we're like, fuck that cunt. I'm not listening to them anymore. And they're putting everything online. With the Beatles and that, you didn't have a fucking clue.

I'm supposed to pay the father. Yeah, he was, aye. Yeah, but there was a mystery around it, you know what I? He wasn't putting it on his Instagram stories. No one knew. But now we know, I saw these.

Yeah, I'll be honest. I'll be honest, I went to Graceland last year and it was fucking great. Yeah, I love Elvis. Weirdly,

there's no a bet there about nonsense. They glaze over that. But I, I'm sick of like, just we don't, we don't have to know. But you're saying there's been,

there's been good ones because walk the line. Walk the line. So the problem, I do agree with you. The problem, with the kind of standard one is the Dewey Cox, which is from like,

2000, that does it have wrong. Which is like 2007, 2008, which is like, hang on, Finn. We can't let that fly under the radar.

Come on, let's sit in that one. It's going to kill you. Do you have a moment of silence for you, Joe? It will absolutely kill fucking Net and Yahoo's algorithm. But that was a belter. So,

Dewey. is a film with John C. Riley and Jennifer Fisher, and it's like parodying the films that are still being made. So you can't watch those films now without going, you know what's going to happen. They've already done that and that. But the Robbie Williams one, I will, is an exception. I will die on the hill of that.

It is an unbelievable film. I've never seen it. Is that the one where he's a chimpon-hane? Yes. I hate it. I swear. I swear. I swear to God, it's a brilliant film. But he is a chimp? Because he's a chimpanzee?

Not because he's a chimpanzee. It's a brilliant film. It has one of the best fight sequences I've seen in the film ever. It's a film about Robbie Williams' life. Why is there a monkey fight season? Is it Gary Barlow fighting a chimpanzee? The sentence, Roby Williams, biopic where he's a monkey, has one of the best fight scenes in it. Should not fucking exist. Biopic. That's meant to be a biography of his life. He was in.

But he did. Who's he fine? Himself. Oh, oh, fuck. And now I want to watch it less. I swear, though. I swear to God.

Watch it. Just one big fucking, within, Andy's Man Club. Within 10 minutes, you go, oh yeah, that's just Robbie Williams.

And it's just a little chimpanzee. You just go, yeah, that was Robbie. And then he's like, he's doing cocaine. He's shagging women. He's doing all the stuff

Robbie Williams. Hang on. Hang on. I don't want. I think he's shagging monkeys. Yeah? No, he's the only monkey.

He's the only monkey. Yeah, so they're shagging a monkey? No, they're shagging Robbie Williams. It's all like, watch the film. We're going to do it on film, because we're doing it. Is there a scene where a chimpanzee does cocaine? Yes. A chimpanzee does cocaine.

Have you seen cocaine beer? Oh, I never got around to watch. It's a true story. All right, true story. Someone said, I'm going to try that in real life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think Robbie Williams did that because, like, even though he's like the, he had the, like, kind of bad boy image through the 90s when he was

hanging about with Oasis, but it was like the friendly, accessible bad boy. Yeah. He was like the one that your mum would be like, oh, he's a bit cheeky. Yeah,

and I think he'd done that so that he could do all the stuff like show him taking coke and shag and everybody. But it's a monkey. It's not really me. So it's a fucking cop out. That's exactly what he's done.

It's not. You can't say that. You don't watch it. It's all, it does like reference that sort of thing where... Do you like his image? I do like some of it. There's some absolute bangers.

There is some... Fills are certified 10 out of 10 pop tune. But I don't... Better when it's sung by a chimpanzee. Also, rock DJ is a fucking band.

Do you think that's the best pop song ever made? Surely, I think it's a perfect pop song. I think it's a perfect pop song. Best pop song ever made. Is it rock DJ? No,

what do you think it is? Because Robbie's gotta be... See, I don't think there's a best. I think there's ones where you go, yeah, that's 10 out of 10. Like a lot of that, but you're like, yeah, that's just a fucking stone call.

Did the best go? Pop tune? Maybe my rule is like every big artist gets one good one and then we stop with films. Like one good one

about the Beatles, that's fine. Yeah. We don't need one individual. I think it's just the Beatles. I think there's far too many. Yeah, by the way, I don't think you have to speak

in it with such, because you're in Liverpool, there isn't, from what I've noticed, as a non-Liverpudian who works and, like, is part of this. You can be like, I think they're a bit overrated.

No one kicks off. Weirdly, I said the laws weren't up to much and I got loads of fucking abuse. Well, it's one of those things. I do think, like, they change music forever and I think that they're correctly held in high regard. Oh, I know. I think it's gone beyond that, though.

Unimaginative cunts who haven't compared notes just latch onto that as the only good music that ever happened in the 60s and 70s. I get embarrassed sometimes as well when people like fucking tarting things up too much. about Scotland. I love being Scottish, but I hate this fucking like put on persona because you like it just makes us look like we've got one wee thing and that's all we've got.

What do you think being Scottish means then? I don't know. How did you explain being a Scots or somebody didn't know? I think we're just like the kind of sound, like we're just a bit more laid back and sound. Like I feel like England were like, let's go and fucking dominate the world. And we went, but for a laugh. You know what I mean? For a bit. We we didn't, I'm not saying, I'm not absolving us of guilt, but we were like, here, they're getting a fucking couple of boats together. They're going over.

I reckon it's going to be a fucking good session. Yeah. It wasn't your idea. And a few of us got carried away. But I've always feel like we've just been like, like, we're just the kind of less serious, more chilled out. You don't like the caricature of Scottishness. Yeah.

And I'm, like, scousers go through it as well where like, you go, like, the Beatles are fine. But then these people that make like being from, being a scouser is there. personality. The Beatles isn't a part of that. No? No, no, no. Scouts don't go. I am a scouse.

I love the Beatles. That's just, that's more about the colour of your bed, and eh. It's things like what, it's your dress where you live in the city, like the music you like. I know that's the Beatles,

but it's a very complicated, unwritten constitution. Black so. No one totally understands and changes slowly. And weirdly, it doesn't involve wearing a Liverpool shirt from what I can make out. Go in the game in a shirt.

It's also hypocritical. Like Adam's getting loads of shit online recently because of how he dresses. This is so funny. Adam's being in a lot of shit online because, you know, he's trying new clothes and, you know, he's trying to be different made up for him.

And then all his scouts, I've gone, your dickhead. And then the next week they're like, hey, we all got the same team. He's on the same day. He's like, hang on a minute. What the fuck? He's looked like big gimty.

Because he's going against the code. Yeah, but like, they're going, hey, we all got the same webs on the same day. He's all dressed the same. Yeah, it's mental to me. Yeah, you grew up with that in, like, pop culture in Scotland, well. We were like boys would come in literally in the same outfit, like a Stone Island

fucking t-shirt, tight jeans, massive trainers. And it's so weird that they're like, mate, you're fucking, what are you doing wearing their fucking jeans, mate? I'm like, you and your pals look like they're a fucking boy band. They're all dressed the same. Yeah. Yeah. If you were monkeys, though. Yeah. Hang on. But I just want to clear up on the back, Bohemian Rhapsody. Bad film. That was quite bad. Best ball. Rammie Malick was good. Oh, I had it.

I agree. I thought it was a romp, mate. I'm not a rom. Oh, I loved it. Are you telling me to shit, Phil? No, no, no, no. Yeah. No, it was fine.

I think they washed over a wee bit of what Freddie Mercury actually was to protect his. Didn't you just cough once and have blood. I knew like HIV-R-AIDS. He didn't really go into what happened. Yeah, but have you seen that Sasha Baron Cohn was initially attached to be Freddie Mercury, which is a completely different film.

And went to meet Brian May and Roger Taylor and they went. So our pitch for the film is that Freddie dies about halfway through and then you carry on and you tell the story of how Queen have carried on despite all of that. And then we started a musical.

So that's got to be a big part of it. But the song, Bohemian Rhapsie might be the best pop song ever. No. Is about... Really, you want to even get in the conversation? Yeah, it's iconic, but it's not very... I thought that's one of the hack answers for best pops.

Yeah, but hack when it comes to best ever, usually is right, isn't it? It's just because it's being overplayed, that's all. Hang on, I'm not happy about this. The end of that film is a, is quality when it's at live age. It's really impressive. It's really impressive.

Someone tell me that it was kind of enjoyable. The live aid thing is great. The actual film was a bit shit. I just wanted more live aids. You wanted more aggressive, you want to Freddy Mercury getting bummed and be like, that felt like the bad one. That was one bumming too far.

You know what they say? You just know. And you just know when it's the bad one. What was the Elton one like with you, man? Rocket Man. It was all right, yeah. Apparently quite good. That was better.

I thought that was better than Bohemian Rhapsody. I've no seen the Bruce Springsteen one either with the fucking chef guy in it. Well, there's one that's, it's Hugh Jackman. I've only just found out. Song Song, sung, blue. Yeah, but it's Neil Diamond, but it's not Neil Diamond. It's about a Neil Diamond Tribute Act. Film.

Well, see, this is a problem. Sometimes it's fine to just not make the film. They made a fucking Jimmy Hendrix one about 15 years ago, and Jimmy Hendrix was played by Andre 3000. But the Hendrix estate wouldn't let them use any of the music. So it's a Jimmy Hendrix film, and he doesn't play a Jimi Hendrix song all the way through it. There's a David Bowie one that's the same.

Aye. And you go, why know when you get the news that we're no allowed to use Jimmy Hendrix music, you go, probably just not make the film then, because it's about him. We've paid for the wigs, though. Aye, yeah. Who do you want to see?

I'd like to say a Cabain one. That'd be not be interesting, wouldn't it? Has there already been one? I'm just trying to work out what order I'm going to watch these four Beatles movies in. He got on with John Fes. I don't know. I hope they do it like Star Wars.

I hope it opens with, you know, like a Tarantino thing or something. It opens with the end. Opens with the assassination. You all get a who's he. And you go, hi, my name's John Lennon. You're probably wondering how I got here. Ringo, you want to watch it in?

I don't know. I don't know. It's going to. Ringo first, you're fucking. They'll probably be in order. People will just be debating of, well, we've got to watch this one first. Or you know, see if you watch like 20 minutes

of the wringo one, jump on to 20 minutes. Yeah. I'm too invested in this one. I feel like it's only going to be a lack of. What it comes down to it is, I think we need to go back to society where people can enjoy a thing and then just fucking let it go.

We are going to vote on Connors room 1-2. A biopics going in. Is that none, no more? Can you just put Biddle? Just, the last discussion was, there's just less of them. Every big band gets one good one.

I mean, that's in the main, yeah? Oasis had one, except that wasn't really, Super Sonic wasn't really. I think they're going in. And Beatles. You're in.

Have you got another Conno? Johnny, what's the Beatles in? I just want the horses in. I've got another one. The wind. I've had beef with the wind before. I, I don't know when it comes from

and why I've got so much of it. I fucking despise it. And whether there's a finite amount of it. It's such a pick-mee weather system. It's, you feel it, it's also noisy. Every other conversation in high winds, with two fucking carrier bags of shopping. It's fucking hell on earth.

It's everything else, and also I hate that you can't see it, so you look at sight and go a belt or of a day, then you go out windy, fucking ruined. You can look at the trees to see what the weather's like, like grasses. I'm not a fan of it. And it's,

like drive i'd rather drive in the rain than high wind yeah like it's horrible because again everyone looks fine at the window and then you're like do you think there's a finite amount of wind and it just blows around the earth or do you think there's new wind get made I don't know I've never thought of that there must be new wind it can't even be all be the same wind you gotta blow somewhere the wind doesn't just blow away

do you know what I mean it's blowing somewhere in it carry it up I think that's what they're fucking up to at the magic castle that's where they make the wind there's an invisible wind factory in Liverpool might be a lot I sort of like it when it's ridiculously windy though

when it's when it's sort of mental windy and you're like oh yeah someone got blown over you're like well that's their fault I'm really bad for like sensory overload like my missies will always say like I saw I saw when you shut down in that social situation because there was like an ambulance went past

somebody was talking to you. I saw the moment where you just went, I'd rather fucking die than be here. And the wind does that to me all the time. See if you're about, you're like, just got stuff on you and it's all fucking, and you go,

I'll try and get my hat out of my bag. That's that fucked off. And I'm worried about my car. I always think like a shop and trying to land on my car. I'm a trampoline owner. Oh my God, trampoline. You got a peg of down, don't you?

I've got to, you've got to weigh it down or like a trampoline ends up in another person's garden. I kind of like, I kind of like, what else sets off your, is there other weather, because Harry says,

because I like running, having a little jog when it's raining, kind of like it. I'm a bald man, doesn't affect anything. What doesn't matter? My forehead's wet, my forehead's dry,

I'm not asked. It doesn't, it also cools you down a little bit. Harry said that if he jogs in the rain, it sort of sets his sensory overload off because he can feel the individual drops hitting and it starts pestering it. I get it.

I'm definitely, I've got some weird, like, like, that, that thing's, like somebody's having a conversation with me and then like the environment gets noisy I'm not good at like

locking in I immediately just go like fuck this like this is just too much being overladen like if I've got fucking two bags in each hand and then somebody wants to hand me something overlaid them wow yeah it's good word can I throw another one in a pub with the main light on

oh I just it's a fucking dentist office I want to go home that's not how you're men are sitting right I can't relax. It's too well lit. What are we fucking doing? Fresh shots. And you were at the end of a club

and you turn the lights on. Oh. I look like a piece of shit. Everyone was like, you never look good in that light, ever. That's why you left because you looked like a fucking idiot.

It's brutal. Turn the big light off. I'm a big proponent of that. I can give you, I'll give you win. Did you want... Put the big light in as well? Fuck the big light as well.

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. The big light can go in. How we're hoovering? Are you mad? Hoovering the day? No, my Hoover's got lights on it. Are you Hoover at night? I'm a nighttime Hoover.

I'm making them in night. I've got a little laser ride. I genuinely put the lights off to Hoover. Have you got the lights on the front and you can see what it's picking up and it's fucking class. I've got like a green, it looks like a laser and you turn it on and that's it. You turn the light off and when the green light hits, you see all the dust. Oh, that's brilliant.

It's like a computer game and you're just like... I'm like fucking Sealed Team 6 sweeping from my house with the Hoover. I go in and check the car. This is the first time I've wanted to Hoover for so long. I want to try now. The cheat code to enjoying hoover in is get a fucking class hoover. Yeah, I've got a bad boy shock. It's just like, it's such a gadget.

Can you put the big lights in, please? Big lights going in. We've got some from listeners. Patrick says, room 102. Serving crisps with a burger, fuck off and give me chips. Huge fan of that. I agree. Yeah, is this?

I've never. Never will burger. The crisps as a side. I've had it more with sandwiches. Sandwich. With sandwiches. That's a bit of an Irish thing, I think. Yeah.

Like you get a sandwich in a cafe. And you get a wee handful of, you don't think handful of crisps. Yeah, but there's laws in Ireland about sandwiches, isn't there? What do you mean? Well, you can literally go into anywhere that's got a roof and say, can I have a sandwich?

And they're legally, I think, bound by Gaelic law to make you a sandwich. Petal station, pet shop. Petal stations. You've also got Tato. And those are elite crisps. Yeah, I do like a Tato. Aye. Yeah, but I like a Protestant Taito.

Ready, salted in a red bag. Yeah. Feels right. Just feels right. Just, those chicken, it's just the orange packet. Ever had the Tato chocolate with crisps in? What? You get chocolate with cheese onion crisps in the chocolate.

Fantastic. There's a, you just said you're going to Helsinki, I bet you can get them. I'll find it. They're called Smash or something. I got them in Norway, but apparently eat that whole part of the world. You can get them. One of the best fucking snacks I've ever had in my life. It's ready, salty.

bugles dipped in chocolate yeah you just get them in a bit it's fucking amazing are bugles are the little cone shape

ones and they're covered in chocolate it's just ready salty ones coated in chocolate that that love

with salt and sprot and messes that in the group silt and sprit what with salt and sprot as soon as we get

to Helsinki let's get bugle straight up that's going I'm really well in the lads group shop

I went I went to a cafe once and they gave me fucking, a boy soup with crisps on the side. For dipping? Criminal. I see that though.

See, Tom Davis was on a few weeks ago and he talked about the tomato soup with watsits and since then I've had that about six times. Cancel croutons. You throw them in or dip them? Throw them in. But not all the ones because they get soggy.

I could see that working. Yeah, it'll be all right. I saw a reel that said everyone talks about girl dinner, but what about like lad dinner, which is just eating a rotissory chicken, stood over? the, just stood in the kitchen. I remember being fucking, that's the one in it. Minging drunk, like blackout drunk.

And you know that thing when you're pissed and everything tastes amazing? And then you wake up in the morning, you're like, what the fuck? I woke up one morning next to a co-slawn pesto sandwich. Oh, wow. It's just too condiments, really. It's not a sandwich. That's the accompaniment. When you were making it, you were fucking hastily.

I know, I have no memory of it, but I know I was in my bed going, this is fucking unreal, man. Why has nobody done this? I really, really, really want to do the restaurant special again. When you were chef and me and Harry watched the bit of the day, I think we can, I want to do another version of that.

So what do we do? I want to do it with first dates. Oh, or do we sort of make it a different type of restaurant where it's like an Italian or a Chinese or... I want to get like five, six first dates and it's staffed with just comics. with the bar and stuff same.

Okay. I think we can do it a bit better now. Right. I'd love to do it again. That's a great idea. Yeah. We did it a few years ago and it was great, but it was maybe a bit of a,

it was too big of a job. Yeah, the restaurant was fucking massive. Yeah, we tried to serve 80 people. Yeah. And I got shit off slutty Susie. He was like, I'm going to hear for my dinner. I was like, we've making a special, you fat con.

I mean, yeah, I've been waiting a while. He's like, give me shit. Also, I wasn't fucking concentrating. I'd love restaurant special too to come. Crisp sandwich. Great. This sandwich is my favourite. Carb and carb.

That is my ghost. I have that for tea, maybe twice a month. Butter. I'd go like maybe steak, McCoys. Whoa. It's been said before.

And then this is rogue. On top of that wee bit of HB brown sauce. Oh, you're Adam would be your best made. Tremendous, mate. Adam has that with corn beef. That's great. It's good.

It's got all the major food groups. Steph says, one or two, jewelry on men. Can't be doing with it. All right, Steph. I've got money. They've got a wearer. Surely, that's it.

What does she mean? Does she mean Harry Kiss Me Teeth Cheing kind of thing? I think, I think she's talking about like the wristbands that I, like, you know what I mean? Live strong. There's definitely some performative jewelry wearers out there. Like lads with like rings and stuff.

And it reads a bit like, I'm not like the other guys. Yeah, a hipster nose ring. Yeah, that's a bit kind of. Well, I haven't worn one today, like the leather bracelets that I wear. You've got like a Pandora bracelet

It's so, it's so middle age man like Listen, you know I play the game, got a mortgage, got life insurance but I think you can tell Sometimes I don't play by the rules

Still a little bit edgy That's a little bit of the shark tooth on it That's a wearable Harley Davidson You've got there Yeah I think if you're a hot guy You can get away with fucking I was like wear jewelry

You can do anything Beautiful Harry styles Cut about an address and fucking, he's literally doing it and every woman wants to shag him. If I start cutting about and I fucking, you know what I mean? If I turn up with like

five or six different bits of jewelry on questions, we'd be asked. If you start gigging in Glasgow wearing basically like Dorothy from Wizard of Oz's frock. Get my cunt kicked in. Rightfully so. One of my favourite Scottish. Not,

the performative jewelry wearing. But like, and also I think watch culture's going a bit too far with lads I like watches I like a good watch I think sometimes we need to just chill out a wee bit here no comment yeah you've got quite a few you're not the worst of it you've got quite a few but you're not like blowing stupid amounts on it

no I've got I've got a watch my favourite collection I've got is a cassio collection see that's cool the most amounts I've spent on a casio is like a hundred and fifty quid that's cool yeah because like people that like collect like vintage gazelle trainers or something because they're not super expensive

but it's cool to have them. I feel like that with Cassio's I feel like sometimes there's just a bit of dick measuring We went to Turkey and there was what 10 lads on that trip and it was perfectly split down the middle

of people who wanted to go and look at fake Rolexes and five of us who couldn't have given a shit like basically you go in a shop and they're like yes you want to see the watches and they're like no we want to see the really fake watches

these are just like fake we want to see the super fakes. I'm like, okay, come with me through a corridor and we'll take you to an upstairs shop for the fake fake watches. And you spend 500 quid on a fake that no one can tell that it's fake, but you know it's fake.

I don't know what's going on. I like when they don't even try and hide it though. Like the ones on the fucking street where it's like $20 and it's a Rolex and it's got fucking Tommy Shelby's face on it or something. You're like, 100% real, sir. It's picky blinder, you like? See, that'd be

That'd be cooler to collect The most obviously jarg Rolex As possible Totally Collect some casios They're sick, The dead cheap and they're cool as fuck Yeah, swatches

I've got some cool ones as well I've got all the moons And that Have you got a little collection Going of anything Johnny Have you Other than a bowling ball Collection

Oh Jesus No, I don't I collected like bottles for a wee well But Beer mats Just an alcoholic Yeah

My hat collection is getting out of hand. And I've lost weight and my head's not the same shape and some of the hats. You wear like properly fitter. You lost weight on your head? My head's smaller and it just, I feel like.

I look like a chemo kid wearing a baseball cap. I'm slightly uncomfortable with how jacked you are. What? Yeah, he's a big boy. I don't like it. You see him with his top off? Of course I fucking have. I've got them online. Everyone has.

I think I saw it live in person in Leeds as well after that gig. just an unprompted de-sheet thing. Yeah. I'm going to die of a heart attack soon though, so let's look good for the next five years. I know, but you'll look fucking great. It's great, isn't it?

It'll be a rip-cote. I'm a very jealous but lazy person. And it's, see, when people who you meet and they're fit, stay fit, doesn't he bother me. But like, when people who are you like, oh man, I thought you were just like one of us. And now it puts pressure on me

because you did it. like like what there's no reason for me my barber as well my barber was always like I still go to him but now he's like fucking jack to the gills and I'm like mate you make it feel so uncomfortable

yeah you're just like walking around me so much better than me fixing my fat fucking head I feel a bit of masculine like Louise my wife's like doing loads of Pilates loads of gym and like she noticed yesterday like feel feel here

because you do the gym now feel Like, that's me tense. Okay. And there's nothing there. Right. But don't feel this one. Oh my. Bowling arm, baby.

There is no muscle in this arm. That's great. That's me too. Like a medieval archie, mate. You've ripped on one side. But you've also lost. Also, do you masturbate with your right hand? Oh, double trouble, kid.

Yeah. How much of you, so when we watch the restaurant special, it was when you, like, before you lost all the ways. How much have you lost in like two years? Five stone. Yeah, but he's gained. six pounds of bowling muscle. But I need to start working out on one arm.

Well, start learning out of ball. You left. Were the old people like that? But there's not one muscle at all. It's embarrassing. How often do you bowl? Like, I played 45 games last week. But since we've been talking,

he's played another two in his head. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I missed despair on the eighth frame and I'm fucking pissed him. Which was an easy shot to get. I just had to go down the five. And you're at 7-10, yeah. What's wrong with that guy in Lane 6

that's bowling with a fucking dumbbell on his life-hand? Push it to the limit. Have you hit a 7-10? Yeah. Hearts on fire. Have you had the go? Had to go. I've had a 6-10.

Anyway, look, don't get me started. You hit a 6-10? Yeah. 7-10's at the end. Yeah, yeah, 6-10. Don't get me started on bowling. Please. Let's, can we do 10 minutes more?

I'm going to get a call from school pickup again. The kids are outside and I'm like, get me too much. Send them to Lane 7. Last two frames. Gobble, Gobble, Turkey time. There we go. Have you ever put two in the pink one in the stink and thought, oh, I wish I was

pulling. This just is in his case. Just roll your missies off the end of the bed. Sorry, I thought I was on. That is a podcast, ladies and gents. Connor Burns, brilliant to have you back. Thanks so much.

Go and watch Connor special. Johnny is all over the world doing bongos bingo. If you haven't come to Liverpool and have been to content for a bongos bingo, it's one of the most fun nights you will ever have. have in your life. And we'll see you.

Stars in your eyes, baby. And we'll see you at stars in their eyes. And that is Sunday for 31st of May. It is going to be a incredible show. I can't wait for that. Anything we'd like to add here at this, boys? Final thought, Finn? Yeah. Do you want to plug Matt that?

Yeah, my dad's season two. Going strong. We're in mid-season now, so I'm going to give it some love, share likes. We read all the comments. We appreciate every and also film club live. When I was last week sold out in a couple of hours. So have you got tickets to that thank you and the second show will be going on sale at the film club

so if there's any tickets left so be online that night if you have got tickets to women probably a couple spare but at film club live starts next week and for the audio listeners we close out with a bit of meowsick got the video listeners this week as well is it because it's you

it is we got Cherry live from the M&S Bank Arena make the noise it went out last week on Spotify and all that stuff but weirdly well not weirdly but the video's done way better this time than any other time because people want to see my little ed smiling. I can't make to see the biopic of your life when you're a hamster stuck in Richard Geozoz. All nine movies of it. So yeah, Cherry. It's uh it was the best three and a half minutes of my

life. That's nice. And here it is. There you go. Appreciate you guys. Thanks Connor. Bye, Valet Lucia. See them right Honestly, it's a fucking dream come true What God could have been.