Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #375 with Chris Ramsey - Have A Word w/Adam, Dan & Carl

Episode Date: April 4, 2026

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Now then everyone, little pre-roll from me, Dan Nightingale and Friends is on sale. I'm doing an autumn tour of stand-up with some of my mates. I'm getting back out on the road all over the country, starts in August, runs through to the end of February, 2027. So it's autumn 26, spring 27, Dan Nightingale and Friends. It's going to be me going out, doing 40, 50 minutes, do a little bit of crowdwork, do my new set. It's going to be great stand-up.

And then a break. and then some of your pod favourites who I basically want to hang out with and I want to watch them work. So it's not a full tour. It's something a little different. At least two brilliant stand-ups that you know and love in the second section.

Ishan's doing a load with me. I've got Phil Nicol doing a few. Rob Mullhollons doing a few. Names you love. So, Dan Nightingale.com. I am going all around the country. There's also dates in Dublin and Belfast. Come and see some stand-up with me

back out on the road for the first time since 2024 because I've been lazy. I'm excited to come and do stand-up for the lids. Tickets available now. Dan Nightingale.com. See you there. Appreciate you. Enjoy the episode.

Hello, everyone. Welcome to this episode of the Haver Word podcast before we get going. A couple of things to tell you. Massive show, Patreon special, live event. 31st of May at content. We are doing stars in their eyes, which is a, it's an always.

game show from years ago where you get people who go, hey, listen today I'm going to be Rihanna. Rihanna. And they would go back, look like Rihanna, come out, sing like Rihanna, hopefully do it well, and they'd win. But we're doing it. An iconic TV show. It's going to be an iconic Patreon special. All of the

lads you see on camera have a word are going to be doing a song. I have seen some of the artists that are being picked wild choices. Borderline unacceptable. We've got a live band. It's going to be brilliant. and we've got four or five podcast legends. Johnny Bongo has been announced.

Alfie and Jesse. I'm also going to say Sandro Ford is coming up. A recent Hall of Fame entry, guest and co-host. Sandro Ford will be performing as well. Two or three more to announce. Yes, tickets are in the bio below.

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Enjoy the episode because... It was a bloody belter. Wag-waglids, you're listening to the funniest podcast in the game from the heart of Liverpool with Adam, Dan, Sensei Carl and Finn. This is the one and only. Have a word. This episode is brought to you by NordVPN. The very best in protecting your online activity.

Go, Ed. Get on me. There's a tired energy in here today, Carl's yawning a lot. Just a bit of an earlier. I was tired. We recorded yesterday. Man was tired. I felt like you were giving me loads of... Like, sometimes we're podcasting.

It feels like everyone's going, go on, Dan. And I was like, I'm too tired to... You're like, don't talk about Alan. I know, but it feels a bit... That does feel a bit shitty. Why? Because it's someone that listens to the pod and you're just being cunty about it.

No, we're being cunty about it. about you, he's like, Alan's fucking sound as. We love Alan. Oh, right, right, right. With my uncle Robert, I'm like,

that is absolutely fair game. No, no, Alan's cool. It's just the, the joke is the dynamic. Alan gets the podcast. He knows what's going on. He gets the vibe, man.

Podbaby's five years old tomorrow. Whoa! Is it five years? Five years. Announced on the podcast. Pod baby? Five years ago, Jack. Oh.

I know Remy's important, but it's not. He's five years old. Is he five? It feels like five years. Yeah, five years old. Tomorrow we're going Lego land in Manchester. Big week for you, in it?

Life. Anniversary party, there's too much going on. Luckily, I booked to close the frog five times. Great. Is it a Lego Land Manchester? There is a Lego Land. You know how, in Windsor, it's like, Lego Land. At the traffic centre, it's like, Lego Land.

Oh, it's in the traffic centre. I think it's, it's a lot of experience. Do you like Lego? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. He loves Lego. What he does, he goes, oh, Lego. and then gets it all out and then gets to page one of the instruction

and goes, Daddy! And then I have to build the Lego. I got him some Lego for Christmas. Thank you for that. It was really fun for me to make. Yeah, you're welcome. No, he does, he really enjoys it. Plus, what are you meant to do with a five-year-old?

We had his party on Saturday. We had out Zippies, the soft play in Chester. That was sound. Two hours of flying about. Someone that clearly was on the counter selling cheese toasties. 20 minutes before, got dressed in a Mario outfit, came out and I could tell

that he fully believed that was Mario and Luigi. Mario Balotelli. It was Mario Balateli. He just loved that sort of 2012 era Balotelli. Did he have the vest on? Jack had the Y-O was me vest on. He believed it was a real Mario. When are you going to tell him that's about the bollocks? I saw it in his eyes. Not on Sunday morning because it was magical. This is fucking shak. He's making cheese toasties. You're a nabed.

Grow up. This is cancelled. These are all fucking idiots. Shouldn't took his ass off. I've gone, it's him. Unless he thinks the cheese-toasty guy is Mario. No, I think he's truly believed. What did he do? He was going, Mario, I'm the birthday boy. I'm the birthday boy. And then he had

the first selfie. And the kids, it's mesmerized. They're idiots. It's great. And so we'll take him to Legoland tomorrow. Great. I don't know what else you're meant to do for a five-year-old. I used to have a bit. I think it might be on Club Comic or maybe just like an old clip about how stupid kids are

and stuff like that. And like going to a McDonald's birthday party and believe I'm like to see I would flown in for your birthday like to speak, MacDonald's at my birthday. Took time out of his busy schedule running a multinational conglomerate. Come and see me.

What else did you do with him? We just, that was just this party. So that was Sunday morning. His boys were there? Any girls? Yeah, boys and got it. He's still, he's still your. enough that I think when they get to about year two and year three they're a bit like

you're a girl like when they're in reception he's mates are he's mates with the boys but there was also and there's some siblings as well has he got any girlfriends he's got a girlfriend what's a name don't say a name begins with an A but I won't say it Alan it's quite a traditional name oh what was he just like taking out of me is she coming on Sunday to the So you're on a baseball party? I don't know. I don't know. It's just basically whether...

I was joking. No, there's kids there. There's a kids magician there? Yeah, but I thought that was just for Essard and Jack. That'd be really intense for the kids' magician, wouldn't it? Just my two kids, with my daughter pretending she's too... Yeah, but have you seen the guy that invites, like, a magician over just to his house and it's just him? Yeah.

And he does, like, loads of impersonators. It gets impersonators to impersonate at each other. It's great. One of the best Instagram. There's loads of kids coming. It's about 20, 20 odd kids. Oh, sounds. 60, 70 adults, 20 kids.

Well, when you say it's a kid's magician, I don't really know what the difference between a kid's magician and a proper one is. I don't think he's doing like David Blaine's shit when he puts like a fucking cold can up his ass and it comes out of his eyes. I would, no, episode. I would pay extra.

I think we might get a few complaints from some of the... Is it more just like basic tricks? Well, I haven't seen it, but listen, Danny Mac has booked the kids' magician twice for his kids' parties. And Danny Mac is a pretty good judge of what's decent and what's not. Yeah. If you talk, like Danny Mac, if Danny Mac puts a bill together, usually a really good bill because he's got a good eye for it. Like, I think he's quite a stern critic. And he said, it's fucking class.

So I'm going on Danny Mac's recommendation. This is a guy that I used to work with back in the day on the circuit. And then the kids there until 1 a.m. The kids are hopefully there till about 9.30. Is it Wacky Woody? It's Wacky Woody. Oh, sick. Class.

Yeah, apparently he's brilliant. Good. That's good. I don't know why I wasn't naming him. I was like, I just... You have named him early. Oh, right. Yeah, we've got Wacky Woody, mate.

And after the kid's magician, that's when the kids get sent home and the jokes come out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's a kid, we're going to do a little kids disco. And then, uh, and then Ross is going to play some music.

And I've black Finn. hopefully Finn's going to play a few tunes. So yeah. You know what's the single thing, Finn? So yeah, it is a big party. Fifth birthday, parties on Sunday and then the fifth birthday

tomorrow. Can't believe it. Five years old. So he's one hand, no. Like that's what he's saying, and then he goes on to his other hand. All right. Is that what they say?

I remember that being a big thing. Like, you won a whole hand. I was stupid. I was five. I think that was just your granddad was just trying to like me here. Where? Usually when I ask him how old he,

he doesn't have to go, hang on, let me think it through. 2021. He's pretty good. Does he care about his birthday? Yeah, he cares. Yeah, he's into it. He got in bed with me this morning and went,

what's tomorrow? And I did the like, I don't know. Nothing important. So he's into it. Mainly because he knows he's going to get presents. What have you got him? A little go-cart thing.

Pedal power. Oh, you can sit in it? Yeah. I loved them as a kid. Yeah, totally. He wanted an electric one, but I was like, they are so shit. Everything that we've got,

those big, like those, we've had them in the past, the ride-on ones. They look, fuck, the idea of them is amazing. You're going to sit on it and fly off. But they're slow as shit and they go for like 10 minutes and then it just runs out of battery and you've got to charge it up again. Petrol? Well better to get like an 80s style little fucking. Yeah.

Get a perplexer one. Not like a car, but you can get like petrol powered ones of them. And then he can do like, I think it's like 22 miles an hour limit, like around the estate. The estate. Just get him on the lawn mower. Just get a pet. He can do the back garden. Fucking class.

I wanted to get him one of those drift ones. They're great. Yeah, with the big front wheel and then the little drift wheel, but he wasn't into it. But that's a good, that's a good fifth birthday present in it. What else does he get in 40 boots?

He's already got 40 boots. But you just want to let him wire them. You just want to let him wear them. He can play as much footy as he wants. I'm just not forcing him to play 40. Rob Thomas was all over me for that. Like, oh, you fucking rat. You need to get him down there.

Good. He can go. Once he works out. Go off you go. Once he works out, when it's on, the email address to book. Yeah, he can go. I want to tell him on Sunday. Hey, we're getting it.

Yeah, we're getting in his ear. I'm telling him on Sunday. Mate, why have you played footy? Yeah, you make him feel stupid. I'm bringing like 10 footies. Yeah. And when he gets bored, the one's just going to get another one else. I'm like, do you know, you can play this twice a week, Saturdays and Sunday

leagues. Your dad would love to take it. Me and your uncle Carl are going to take you. Fire in the sky! He's allowed to play 40 whenever he wants. Big Garden, goal, Futty, he's got 40 boots. Does he? No.

I'm not fucking. He's playing with you? He's playing with who? You? Me? Yeah, yeah. Oliver Cromwell. You're going to have to back that.

You're going to have to give a bit of context on that. I thought you'd be all over. He'd ban football, didn't he? And like, kissing and Christmas. Yeah, he was a miserable bastard. You ate all of those. Yeah, do you not know about all of it? All of accromulated everything.

He banned Christmas kissing and football. He was a puritan. Yeah. A puritan. Go on. Nailed it. Shut down theatres. Yeah.

Closed all the pubs. That's not good. You weren't allowed to laugh. Comedy's, it's woke nonsense. Hang on. Who was he though? What was he doing? Was he in charge?

Wasn't he? The Lord Protector. He's the only person ever to turn down being king. He like became like the leader of the country. And he was so miserable that they went, ah, let's have a king back. That's not true at all. It's basically true.

He died. You know, but then his son was made. Yeah. His son was king, but not king. Yeah, his son was a gobshow. And they were like, listen, we don't want a king, but why don't we let Cromwell's son be like the thing? And he was dog shit, so he was gone after a couple of years.

When was this? 1650s. Oh, so there was just no king, should have they? Yeah, we chopped Charles the second's head off. And then Charles III came back. They were like, listen, these lot have been shit. Come back. He did the M&M rap on horrible.

histories. He did. Did he really? Is that how you remember it? I'm not sure if it was the real Charles the second. Yeah, so I'm just like Oliver Cromwell. It's the same. But why do people listen to him? Did they stop kissing and playing for tea? Yeah, well, imagine how dirty kissing would have felt if it was banned.

That would have been hot. Well, because they banned like priests as well at one point. That's why Guy Fawkes was going to blow the house of parliament or something like that, wasn't it? Wow, that's way off as well. Didn't they have secret? That's so far off. They had secret priests. I've been

to York. There's a pub there. That's about the Reformation, isn't it? That's about Protestants and Catholics. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I thought? I thought we were celebrating

him trying to blow it up. But we'll not? Celebrating the fact that he didn't. Did you bomb night? Yeah. I thought it was like, yeah, that's why we were burning. Yeah, but I thought it was like

he gave her a go. But it was. Good on him. Yeah, but it wasn't. They got pretty close. They got, they weren't far off. They had enough explosives.

Gunpowder plot. Under the Palace of Westminster to fucking below it sky high. They got unlucky. Who was the fella back then? Like, who was he trying to kill? He was running the country? James I first.

Right, so what? 1600, what would have been the ramifications there? They were trying to kill a Protestant king. Because he was rewriting the Bible. Oh, is that a King James Bible? Yeah. That must be here. He can't do that.

Yeah. I mean, Catholics were getting ground into the dirt at the time. Yeah, that's it. And they had, like, see, like, you couldn't hear mass. so rich Catholic families had, what they called, priest holes. Yeah, they had, say, in secret priests, they had, like, a little cupboard

that they had a priest in, and they'd open up and go, give me Sunday Mass, and then they'd close it again for next week. It was like that. The authorities would come around, they'd go, you've got a priest here, and they'd be like, no,

we've just got big cupboards. And the Hanslander. The police was stupid. You're hiding them in the cupboards, aren't you? What's in here? are lots of cushions. Don't even look in there. We're a rich family.

We're a rich Catholic family. We're a loud cushions, aren't we? Get on this for a cushion-related news. Oh, God. This is gotta be a school. Cushion news. Birthday to the Puritans to a cushion-related news.

Cushion update. Cush and news a feature. So, as has been well documented, got a little pooch. Last night was a first night where me and Alex Wray out without them. Went on date night.

I'm a little bit ropey today because I had like four or five Guinness, two glasses of wine and three cocktails. Yeah, because you got the best misses ever who goes, what do you want to do on date? Get shit-faced at really nice cocktail bars. No, we just had a quiet one and had some food, really.

And how many drinks? Ten. Five Guinness, two glasses of wine and two cocktails. Yeah, which is, yeah. Nice, nice food. It's a chilled Monday. What a life. It's a chill.

To be fair, I had two of the Guinness before she, I accidentally got to the pub a bit early. She wasn't. A nightmare. How time do you say we're meeting? Seven. It's two. I'm always early.

I'm always early. We should start having meetings in pubs. Come on, lands. Where is everyone? They're in four hours. Yeah, and we, we had a great night. Class.

Little Monday night, date nights. And I don't know why I'm in telling you that, to be honest, because it's nothing to do with the cushion news. So the cushion news is... Cushion News. Got a dog. Got him a really nice crate. Now, when you get a dog's crate,

they recommend that you get one that is basically the size of the dog. For when you have children in a few years and then you've got the crate for the kids. Nice. The size of the dog, drone. No. The size of the dog now.

And then you sell that one and get another one. like sort of as and when they grow because the whole point of crate training essentially is dogs are like den making animals and they want to feel safe so if they can get really like tight in they're like nothing can hurt me here

so in six months when reme is about 75 kilograms you're gonna need a three bedroom semi for his crate so what I did I was like well I'm not buying and selling crates because I can't be asked so I got a bigger one and I bought like some cushions to pad it out and I'm just going to remove the cushions

as and when, you know, he gets big enough. The Craig came with a base cushion. It's very comfy for him. I've had a lot of compliments on the craigs. People who've seen it online. I thought you meant from him. He's pissed. He was on date night as well.

So, obviously, a Craig can get a little bit smelly because he's just sleeping in there all the time. He hasn't had any accidents in it or anything like that, but you want to be able to change it. So I said to Alex, I was like, see, the company we got the crate from, just see how much it would be to just get some extra bed. 400 quid.

No, 300 quid. How much was the crate? 2,000 pounds. The crate with everything was 500. I'd just buy a new crate. Yeah, exactly, but I don't need a new crate. They'll have to get rid of a crate. Yeah.

So I was like, right, well, instead of all the fuss, just the cushion. Now, the cushion is maybe the size of that, like, tabletop. 140 quid what could possibly be in there can't you make your own yeah he's always making cushions or just find someone that makes cushions

isn't that does that feel like a lot am I no that's ridiculous is it what's is it piss proof or what's no surely just like a cushion in it can't you just throw I imagine because it's like custom made to the size of the crate

maybe yeah but like that feels a lot for precision doesn't it Can't you just go to TK Max home and get some cushions are in the sale? I think I'm going to have to. Pad it out? Well, I patted it out with one from Tesco. Why do you just take the cushion now?

Is it like the dry cleaners? Because then what's he going to sit on while it's in the dry cleaners? Oh, yeah. I have had that thought out. I could just clean it. The only reason we're getting the other one is so that I can clean it. Right. And then swap it out.

Switchy switch. Yeah, 140 quid. Is he sleeping? the second pod baby. He's flying. Like, in a good way. Is he sleeping or flying? He's class.

The only thing with him is when he gets a bit tired, he hasn't quite learned he's not allowed to bite people or their clothes yet. But like he's not supposed to have, like apparently this goes on until about 16 weeks.

Right. He's only 11 weeks. But yeah, he knows his name, he knows loads of commands. Like if he goes in the, crate. Sometimes during the day, if I put him in the crazy, he's like,

I don't want to be in here, so let me out right now. And if I just ignore him for about four minutes, he just goes to sleep. So people who don't train dogs properly, what do they do? Do they just go, you don't need a crate, just let him sleep anywhere? Like, what are the mavericks who, you know, when they end up with a dog who's clearly not trained?

And we've all seen them. Yeah, have a dog bed. Well, some people just have a dog bed. Some people just let, like, you know, I can now go the shop. If I'm looking after him on my own, I can go out for an hour or two. And if he's in the crate, he will just go asleep. And it makes them feel more comfortable, like Carl said as well.

Like, often dogs, if they're left on their own, have, like, a protective attitude. So if they're in the crate, they're like, I just need to make sure I'm all right in here. If you leave them in your house, they're like, I've got to look after the kitchen. I've got to look after the dining room. We've got to look after all these places. Right. So that's when they get a bit destructive and a bit frustrated because, you know, it's a fucking baby, essentially. Um, you've got to, like, I've, I've read everything on it,

because it's a Rottweiler, and if you get it wrong, you've got a fucking violent terrorist living in your house. And I just want him to be like a nice, calm, good lad. And he's, he's well on his way. He can go for a walk on Monday as well. I thought it was two weeks after his vaccination. He can go on Monday. That's good.

You should get stopped constantly. I already do. Yeah. It can't be more than now when they see him in his sling or his prim, and they're like, Hey, my God. It's all the fellas. I heard that if you let

like if the dog thinks it's top dog in the house in the in the pecking order that if it thinks it's top dog it'll try and like we had a my stepmom has had dogs and she got a dog trainer to tell her oh like you can never let the dog go on the couch on the top of the couch and sit up there because that's the dog going

I'm top dog you're below me because in a pack the the alpha sleeps highest and she was like oh it's rubbish and you're like yeah I don't know I've never heard that like there's also ones where if you let them sit at your feet

apparently that's them haven't dominated but like that's the opposite of that so it's who you believe in it but if if a dog thinks it's the top dog in the pack as in it thinks the humans are below it in the pack

that's the same as sit at the feet when the humans go out they go mental and start ripping up the house because they're like hang on I'm the top dog where have you gone I need to protect you so they fucking like Like a well-trained dog goes, yeah, you've gone. It's fine.

Just Jackson's on the back of the couch? Yeah, always, yeah. He's the top dog. When we go to Lego land, bitch. You have to, like, if you proper deep dive on it, like my algorithm at the minute is all, like, dog trainers. And there's a few of them that are really nice. And then there's one fella who I'm convinced he thinks I owe him money.

Like, the way he talks to me through my phone. He's like, I'm getting a dog. Right, well, here's what you've got to do. The dog's going to try and fucking kill you and all your family. And you've got to listen to me. and give me money or the dog's going to fucking kill you. And listen, mate, you're a can. I'm clever.

I know, look after dogs. And, hey, you know, listen to me. Or your dog's going to murder everyone. Yeah? Because if he thinks he's in charge, he's just going to be a better. It's fucking exhausted. What you pay him for? What?

What you pay him for? He has, like, courses. Online dog coaching. Yeah. Ooh, cool. Yeah. He knows what he's talking about us as well. It's annoying because, like,

I'm getting so many of these, like, content creators who were like, right, I'm a dog trainer, listen to me. And so many of the, um, there's a, a lot of it's consistent, but also there's some contradictions, like you're saying, like, they're sitting up there or sitting down there. And you just have to pick the one that feels like it makes the most sense to you. Because I just don't, like, there's a couple of things where you're right, you both can't be right. But as, as annoying as he is, a lot of the things he says make sense. He's on it. He's just gone for an aggressive tone with it.

Yeah. Yeah. Like, Wallace sits on the back of the coach, because you can. copies the cat. Well, I don't know if the cat's trying to be top dog. Or he's just a cat. Top cat. Wallace thinks he's a cat most of the time because he just follows the cat.

But again, it's just make sure your dog isn't a dickhead. Make sure it doesn't hurt somebody and make sure you love it. Yeah, and if it's behaving badly, maybe change some of the stuff you're doing. Because that's the indicator, isn't it? If things are going wrong. Same as having a baby? You've got to make sure Jack doesn't go to school and just fucking punch someone in the face.

Or shoot everyone. Yeah. Two of the biggest worries as a parent Should we let him take the gun? I think the school will frown upon it. It's just a dog's more accelerated version of that. Like he's got probably like six months to drive these fucking things in.

You've got, you're still doing it five years later, aren't you? You know, I think it's mad that like how stupid humans are at the start compared to other animals. Like I've been thinking about this all week. Like I'm watching my dog like walk around and pick up like sit and come here and, you know, wait for your dinner.

Within 11 weeks. Within 11 weeks. And humans just fucking poo themselves for years, don't they? Sharks are born swimming. We poo in our pants until someone says, can you stop doing that? You go, oh, fucking hell, right. When do they, like, the first six months?

Maybe the first three to six months, it is just... That's it. Isn't that because we wear pants, though? Oh, that's the mistake you're making. If you've got a baby, just keep the napy off. They'll learn. I don't think babies would take themselves in the garden. No, but you could take them out in the garden.

You know what I mean? It's like Jack was three or four. He was standing up, talking and pooing in his pants. Like he had all these cognitive skills. I was like, I'm not doing that one. Yeah, but early on, they don't even have the cognitive skills. Like, there's no 11-week-old baby that knows come here and sit down. That'd be mad.

That'd be fucking weird if they did. Come here! And the baby's like, And dogs can just walk straight away. Like they can just walk. Isn't, is this not,

doesn't, isn't enough to plague your mind? Isn't it because we're born way too early for our development? Leave us in. Whoa. What? Is this news?

I swear that's true. You want a three year pregnancy? No, but I swear like we're, elephants do, don't we're born too early for, like, we're just pushed out.

But dogs, pregnancy is nine weeks. We're just, pushed out. From come to walk and dogs in nine weeks. Full term pregnancy, it doesn't end at nine months because women are like, no, I've had enough of this for push it out. I think it

happens pretty naturally. Yeah, no minute. Humans are born in a state of physiological prematurity compared to other mammals because of our large brains. We're born 12 months too early. Oh really? You also can't grow further as well because you'd just be like yeah, you'd be knocking the backdoors in

wouldn't you? If those women could just keep us in a bit longer, we'd be doing so much better. Lazy. When pregnant ladies, when their waters go, that is, that's a mad.

Oh, that's an abseatic fluid, isn't it? Yeah, it's all the, that's when it's time. Like, that's not on you. We'll be like, I'm bored, I'm pushing it out.

Your body goes, listen, this is happening. Just open the gates. I just mean evolutionary wise. Yeah. We're born too early. With that, what's up with the placenta?

Mine? Is that like a hip-hop player? Yo, man. What's up with the person? Like, do they... They have to give birth that, don't he? Eventually, yeah. They pass it, yeah.

And then the man eat it. Would you eat it, Harry? Well, I don't people do, don't know? He doesn't eat burgers? Yeah, that's what I mean. Would he eat? No. No. It's too meaty.

I mean, it's like definition. It's like the most meaty thing ever in it. Percentre. In my head, it's like a square. Like a perfect square. Like a fucking waffle. Yeah, like it's, like it's, like it's ugly in it. See, in my head, it looks like a wet plastic bag.

Oh, so we've all got... Do you know what I mean? Like... I've never thought about we've all got different ideas. I've had two kids and I couldn't tell you what it looks like. Does anyone know what it looks like?

Awful, isn't it? Yeah, that's... Yeah, that's what I think it is. I'm gonna have a little look. What does placenta look like? Wow, you want to ruin your own more me. There you go, Carl. Oh, it looks like a jellyfish.

Does look a bit like a jellyfish. That's what I saw as I meant. Oh, see. No, my mind. It was a square. So is that the baby scram then? Is that... It's like the feeding station.

Yeah, totally. fuck. Do the babies like absorb it through osmosis? Do they like, have a bit? They're connected to her. Okay. Did you eat it, Dan. You didn't, did you? Oh, yeah. Dan versus food. Dan versus placenta.

What's the benefits of the man eating it? It's meant to like, it's it's kind of full of like vitamins and stuff because it's I was going to Holland and bad at me. Like I'm good. That's a big placenta getting in your ear, mate. It's been to your connection to the baby, isn't it? We haven't got a physical connection to the baby. It's also like protein in it.

It's half my spunk though, isn't it? Yeah, I don't think it comes out and your cock makes heart glowing, though. I'll remind Jack of that on his birthday tomorrow. Yeah, I know she fucking birthed you, but you're half my spunk. Enjoy Lego land. And don't tell, don't tell that.

That's between you and me. I think it's spunk. I'm half his spunk. I think it's like a ritual, like, I'm now I'm part of her because I've eaten this fucking dinner plate. I think it's pretty, listen, no offence of you did it.

It's a bit, it's like a hippie-dippy thing that has been done for the last few years. I don't think, like, I think that's so very, like, that's the connectivity between you and the child.

Just think the, these shit themselves well, you don't eat that. No. Like the mum's shits their knees everywhere.

And we don't go, I eat that because of, you've got to, like, that's your job as a man during the pregnancy, isn't it?

You've got to sort that out. The shit? Yeah. I don't know who told me that. I imagine the nurse no way. No, they're busy.

There's a baby coming out. Whereas if your missus does a poo, you've just got to go. Harry, you absolutely do not have to do that. Loads of dads on even like on the head end of the curtain.

I'm staying north me. Take it some poo bags with them. I want to be on the front line. I see in set like a shit hair pants for me sons. The midwives are going to love you the most dyspractic person I know helping give birth to a child. Like, oh, here comes the head

and now he's like, oh fuck, Vimto. Shit. And he volleys the shit at the water. Yeah, that is... What do with this poo? I don't... Because I remember when... my little brother was born and I just refused to hold him for ages.

Like I don't trust myself to hold any baby. That's sensible. It's one of the biggest entries of thoughts ever, isn't it? Like I just, because I just think I'll like drop kicker. Yeah, like spin it or something. Do I mean? That's not unusual. If you've never had a niece or nephew before,

when you get handed a baby for the first time, if your mates haven't had kids, that is a mental moment where you're like, this is the most important thing I've ever held. And then you go, and what if I just dropped it onto the first? floor like it's a natural fear i didn't have the intrusive thought of like what if i drop kick it but it is a pressure moment there by the time you have your kids you're like yeah it's actually a

good thought yeah i know that's mad but like the thought what your brain's actually going is whatever you do don't spin and drop this baby that's why spin would be a bit the best of the spin really like whatever you do the last thing you want to do right now is throw this baby in the Mersey. Well, people with Tourette's don't throw babies in the Mersey, do they? Like, that's a thing where, like, I think that is a straight fact. People with Tourette's, like, when they hold babies, they tick less because the brain's going, listen, I know you do this often. Can't call this baby a conty's done that wrong. Yeah. You can't go like that because then the baby's going on. I thought we said years ago, you were men to throw your baby in the Mersey. What? What? Yeah, to make him swim. Yeah, to make him swim.

No, in a swimming pill, maybe. I don't think you get away with that intrusive thought. Like, he was when my kids were born in nine. My kids were born in. What? My kids were born in. What? My kids were Nottingham. That's a two and a half hour drive. It's one of them really bad ticks where you just, you know, get on the A50 M6. Was Jack born in Nottingham? Yep.

Annetta. Wow. Why? Because they'd gone down to my mother-in-law's while our bathroom was getting done. And then she went into Labor. Both times? No. First time, it was a more traditional.

We lived in Nottingham. Ah, right. That'll do it. So they had to, that Laura was like, right, I'm going to get back to the countess in Chester where she was meant to be having. Is that her a mom? That's what we call her, yeah, the countess.

She's a wonderful woman. Was it sunroof both times for Laura? Yeah. Vigina intact. Thanks for asking, Harry. I wasn't sure if that was a really personal question to ask or not. No, it's... No, that's quite not, then.

It depends how you phrase it. If you say, was it sunroof, that's pretty good. Yeah. If you say, like, did it damage your pussy pushing those kids out. That's a bit much. Did you blow up your pomm? Don't say that on Sunday at the park. I was Sunroof.

It worked out for me. It means you don't get a coned, don't it? You get a coned if you go through the Puss? I just remember the really terrible film called Conads. Yeah. From SNL? Yeah. It's a real...

It's the end from, yeah. Oh, did it? Yeah. And you've all got fucking... Coneeds? Coeneds. Yeah. They're all born from the Puss-puss.

Yeah. But you get a corner, don't you? Unless... Were you some Ruth? No, I think I was natural, no it was because I took, she went in on the Friday and I was born on the, like just as Monday ticked over. Like Jesus? Just like Jesus is death and rebirth.

Do you know what I was also thinking recently? The story of Jesus is he died and then rose three days later. Yeah. Sunday's only two days after Friday. Then he died on Thursday, bathe on Friday. No, he died on Friday. I think they're including the Friday. He was eating scran on Thursday.

Oh yeah. Like Tuesday to Tuesday is. It's not three days later, though. But it's all a Friday. It's like the fellow who wrote the Bible or one of them was just terrible at maths and it fucked his lie up. Oh, yeah, it's three days later. Like, that's Monday.

Easter Monday's only a thing for bank holidays, I mean. Do you know? That's the course of what day, you know, for it. That's me just giving up scripture. But it's not three days later. I'm free. It just isn't. No, it's three days maybe if he was born at midnight.

Or killed at midnight. If he died at like, zero. zero zero zero zero on Friday morning like Thursday night. No, they don't do midnight crucifixion, surely. I don't think so, no. No, they kill people at midnight. No, but it doesn't die immediately on the cross. It took them all day.

Yeah. As an execution is usually at about 3 a.m. It's usually done early hours in the morning. I think you might be talking about pretty modern executions. If I die in them was like, I'll see you do three days and came back on Sunday, you'd be like you'd early at them. I'd see you three days. We weren't ready. We were having a roast.

Yeah, you're right there. Maybe it's all bollocks. Three o'clock. 3 p.m. That's why there's, that's why they... Blackout, yeah. Yeah, 3pm blackout. Is that what time...

That's when he died. And when did he come back? Can I ask what you're Googling to find out what time cruci... What day did Jesus die? In 30 AD. What day was it? April the 3rd, so it's actually right this year.

We've got it bang on the day. I genuinely think this weekend, Easter, that is the weekend. Easter should always be on. First weekend of April? Yeah. I hate when they fuck around with it. What did you just ask me? You just asked me to me.

What time did he rise? What time did Jesus come back to life? Every Christians were about to take it down. We don't know because he was found, wasn't he? Before dawn. Yeah. On Sunday? On Sunday.

So that's a day and a half. He was dead. Lack of effort there. Yeah, no, they are really contradicting themselves. Occurring on the third day. following his burial. So he was buried immediately after he died.

Yeah. So, yeah. He's been in the way, he's caught. I think that's Jesus, and he's blown the whole thing while they're open, maybe religion's bollocks.

Jesus. Have you seen the thing in Mecca? Is it Mecca where do you think the devil's in the wall? Have you seen her? What? There's a, I think it's Mecca.

There's a wall, like a huge side of a building, and they think the devil is inside that wall, so they go and throw stones in it. All the Muslims. Someone took a gun. didn't shoot it.

But he's like, hey, I'm doing it. Is that definitely a mecca? Yep. The stoning of the devil. He's in the wall. On the outside of, on the outside, it's not in the, a holy bit in the middle.

Huh? It's a thing, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, drawing hard. Is he inside the wall or is he like poking out the wall like pirates the Caribbean? No, they say he is in the wall and the trial and is just constantly killing

by love and rocks on him. Is there a wall in the way? No, he's in the wall, like he's a part of the wall. No, no, it's all symbolic. It's all symbolic. The stone is, Some ballocks, mate.

The stone enacts is a symbolic reenactment of Prophet Ibrahim throwing stones at the devil who tempted him to disobey God's command. Well, you're Chris Ramsey fan. This is what we do. That's their skimming stone. Don't say I haven't learned anything. You probably haven't. Right, see you after the break.

Adam's Colton. We will start this section with some... Whoa. Where I go? I've decided to let me self have a guilt-free fat day today. What you have it? Whatever one. What do you feel like?

I've just had two packs of curse from an half a kid in the bono. You deserve it, baby. We've got a baby? The baby wait. You'll lose the baby wait. Sarah Price says, wag-waglids. I read an article about cursed armour bringing back national service the other day. And it got me thinking, if it was brought back in tomorrow,

what area would you choose to do yours in? you can go into any of the military branches and then she's put or volunteer in a charity shop. I don't think that's part of national service. They do stuff like that though. I lived with an Austrian lad and he did like cleaner or something. Is that national service working in like Oxfam? It's part of it.

It's like volunteering from what, just Googled it. There's like volunteering as part of it. Sliper? I'm saying it as me. World War III kicks off. There's boot. on the ground, you get called up, and they go, what'd you fancy? And you go, McMillan's on the high street.

It says 18 to 30, you're going to the fucking front line. Yeah. So, me and Harry are on the front line. I'm all dead of you, then. The worst 18 to 30 ever. Wow, it's a big one, guys. We're going to straight overhaul mood. Was it all vaping?

But then other people that get the choice. But Starm has been talking about this for a while, hasn't it? It was like, it was a conservative, like, pledge on the last election. That is, that is just going, all the old people, like, that's what the young people, national service. You never fucking did it. Don't pretend. All the people that won the war are dead, you lazy boomer.

It's not even, it's not even mainly the war. Well, white, old white crime. Fuck off. You bought your house for 60 grand. Shut up. And Seamus Coleman. And Seamus Coleman. I don't know why he's.

been added to that. 60 grams. I'd be conscientiously objecting or a sniper. If I can't be a sniper, I'm not being non. That is a real fork in the road on your career there in the army, isn't it? Conscious.

Yeah, but what if it is like one of those, like, not dictators, but like these these countries that you can't object to it. But it's like you do this or you're in prison. Oh, then I'll do it. I don't want to go to prison. Thanks for clearing that.

It would have to be a cause that I fully understand and appreciate the necessity of war for. Like if they were like, right, we're going to Iran to help America and Israel with this. I'm not going. I'm not going. I'm not going to prison. I'm like, no, I'm saying mine.

Wow, you've cracked it. Brilliant. I'm not going to prison. You just lock the front door. Lock the front door? What are you going to do now? Like TV license to the door. You can have Frankie, just in his house, though.

Was she dodging the draft? No, she was dodging, Sutterhamously. Well, if it was Hitler too, though, like Mecca, Hitler, and they were like, you need to be front-line. Yeah, Hitler too, but... Mecca Hitler? Big robot Hitler. The Hitler's come back.

Did you mean mega? No, mecca. Like, he's half robot. Yeah. Like, he's got, like, robot legs. Oh, not like, yeah. Yeah. Mecca the place. No.

No, no, no. Like, he can jump dead eye. Imagine if Hitler could jump dead eye. It'd be worse for some reason. Why? I don't know. Basketball. Like that.

he beat them all at basketball like Jack the Ripper could jump dead eye couldn't he that was Jack the Springield Jack yeah Spring Yield Hitler you're like that's dangerous Spring Yield Hitler's on the loose

you can't hide in attics anymore because he can jump up and see through the window does he command an army or is he just alone Spring Guild Hitler he's got an army of people like wow he could jump by him

like Michael Jordan fans they loved him Michael Jordan fans people at the Olympics who loved love the high jump. You could change the swastika. So the jump on load up. It's just a hitler.

Dunkin. Oh. I think I'd be a cobbler. That's not in the army. What? What? No, that's not part of national service. If there's boots on the ground, someone needs to make the boots, mate.

I'll make the boots. It's way more relevant than a fucking charity shop. That's good thinking. The way with a home, we're making the boots. I'm a woman at home. Wow. Wow. Come on.

Tell me I'm wrong. Come. What you mean? Which thing's making like the outfits I'm not, we're not, we're with the Bama, ma, ma, ma, ma. We can't be like, I'll sew that as well, Ian. The women are making that, the women are...

Women are on the front line, Carl? No. Oh, Lord. I'm telling you, if I say, and if Seneca gets called up, she's getting in the bath. Nah, mate, she's like, no, I'm watching girl, more girls. Getting in the bath, you can fuck off. Yeah, that's because she's got a galley girl.

Like, there's a lot of feminist women out there, mate, who'll be on the front line with their own Tommy guns. They're not even feminist. They don't even have to be feminist. Girls serve in the forces. Are we fighting this war in 1940? Is that where your head's gone?

You've gone to like the last major war. You can see a one with like curly hair, washing puns. It's World War III in Iran. When will my car come home? Everything has regressed a little bit. What I'm saying is. The ladies are doing well. They're fixing engines now.

The roles that I've got to be more toothed to that are going to be taken up by in the majority ladies. This is your whole. and you can dig it, kid. I mean, ladies are good with cobbling. They like wearing shoes. They can make shoes back at home.

Meanwhile, the boys are on the States of Hamoos. The Russians come, and they've done that traditional style, and they've got all fucking beefheads on the front line, and then some girlfriend fucking Costa turns up, like, I'll fight! Why is it matter that they're beef heads on the front line? It's not hands-hand combat.

Hand-to-hand. I'm not going otherwise. I think you've watched too much of UFC. If there's any fucking Georgians in there, you're in trouble. They'll take it to the ground. No, the girl from Costa's got a gun. She can shoot the cunt. I don't know what to do with this.

Gun. I know how to do the beep, beep gun, a Costa. But this is mad. Well, look, I'm Russian. Just saying this. Also, in this war, Russia's just been dragged into it. That's great. It really is a world war.

What if it's not war, though? Because they've been talking about just bringing this in for like, you could go and work in the NHS, like it could be a port or something, just as to like give back to the country. So what if it's just the training? Are you going like the British Art Foundation? Are you going and doing like SAS?

Who dares wins? Yeah, because they did it get trained, didn't it? That was part of it. Like you might not get called up, but you go and learn out to like tie your shoes and clean your bed and there? Jordan Beeson's leading the training. What's it was?

I mean, I feel pretty patronised at 45 if we're like, and now, Dan, now we're going to learn to tie your shoes. But this is, what you're saying is that the model that Stama and the Tories were talking about. which is to get 18 year olds. Yeah. A lot of countries do it. Like they do, like, who's the...

Korea, South Korea, BTS. BTS is just done in national service. South Korea have to do it unless you're like... Didn't Son have to do... Because he won a title with South Korea, he was exemplar. Right. Like he won like the Asian courts.

So you basically, your choices are, you get to the end of school, you can go and do your A levels, or you can go and do... Or do you have to do your A levels and then before you go to you, you do a year and do a year, half in the army. The government's launching a paid military gap year program for young people

under 25. It might be interesting. You've learned, you'd learn like, you know, discipline and stuff. Yeah, you just have to have some sort of national pride and identity that you're like, I'm, I just haven't got it. Yeah. If it has to be one of the forces that I'm going air force, my granddad was in the air force, my uncle was in the air force, but I, and then Bondi's playing. Bondi's got played. But I want to be the guy with the orange, like, ping pong paddles. You don't want to fly, you want to... No, I want to be the guy who's like, oh, park it there.

Just park it there. You want to be a parking attendant? Oh shit, this one. Park it there. That's fucking great. Just on the deck of an aircraft carrier going, fucking out. Yeah, but then if the pilots turn up, you've got to be able to get a gun out. You've got to be trained as well.

He can't just be like, oh, I don't know what to do. Who are those parking the planes? I'm fucking important. But everybody within the military, no matter what the roll is, has to be trained to defend. You're just like, I'm the ping pong. I'll do the basic training. Like, pia, pia, yeah, shoes.

Yeah, I'll do the stag do stuff. I'll do the quasar and ping-balling. But after that, I'm parking planes, like, you're fucking fair. There's loads of space. Back in it. Not a bit after sniper. You can just sit off for a bit and go, ah, he wasn't there.

I just don't want to fight, ma'am. It's all just chill out. Yeah, man. Come on. Trump, just chill, man. Really good take, guys. I like it. It's helpful.

How many countries have to get involved in a war for it to be, like, declare a world war? Do you know what I mean? Are we not, are we at world war now? There's people saying we were already in it, we just don't realize. Because it's named afterwards, isn't it? It's just not escalated, yeah.

Yeah. This is the Iran war right now, but it would be. But that war is Iran fighting Israel and America. Yeah. Was that a world war? No. Was the Ayatollah Franz Ferdinand? That's the question.

What's that coming over the old on? Is it the Ayatollah? Is that fun, no, that's so automatic. It's not a World War yet. I mean, half of the world are actively going, we're not getting involved.

So how many does it take to tip into a World War? I'd say, is it like multi-continental, maybe? Yeah, different. Like three continents? I mean, the Southern Hemisphere almost never get involved, do they? They're like, we're down here,

you knobbeds deal with that up there. Polar bears don't want any of that, beef, me. Indonesia and Lake, the Antarctica Polar Bears. Are there Antarctica polar bears? No, there's not. No, there's not.

You know what Arctic means? Do you know what the etymology of the word? Harry does. Articas. It's the kind of thing that Harry absolutely doesn't know. There's bears here. And Antarctica means there's no bears here. Oh, great.

So polar bears love a world war. That'd be great. Releasing one of them into battle. Feels like a Russian move. Well, Russia had bears in World War I, didn't they? Fat gay guys. Yeah, a lot of fat gay guys. That's why the girls can't.

be there because the fuck gay guys. It's like, like, girls can't fight bears. They're making shoes at home. Like, we had war horse. They had war bears. Warhors? Yeah, my horse.

Yeah, I thought you might have a take on that. This isn't fucking misogyny corner. But it is conspiracy corner. Whoa. Let me just give you this. Let me just give you one of these. Conspiracy of the week, Carl. Smooth.

I want to introduce a new section called Low-Level Conspiracies They're not arm and no one It's not like kids are eating People are eating kids on pizza It's low-level conspiracies Al-a your Cone

Al-a-a-a-your-con conspiracy To the cone one You think there's not enough space In the country to store the cones That's why they're constantly putting cones On the motorway Low-level I've not heard that.

Have we done that on here? Yeah. Presley short, do you never just like all of mine in this area are traffic related really I just don't like sometimes you're like on a motorway and it'll go like right down to 50 and it's fucking 11 o'clock at night

you're the only car for the 100 miles they shut three of the lanes but you get to the end of it all there's no one working on anything and you just have to go 50 for a bit and we have to obey it because they've got the cameras now it's a smart model yeah you'd have to obey it

and also like sometimes you just get to like a crossing. You know like a green man crossing. What are they called? Pelican crossing. Pelican. No, Pelican's the... That's Zebra. Oh, Pelican's the big yellow one in it. Yeah, yeah. So like

a pressy but ungreeny man one. That's what they're called. Yeah. Where everyone's gone and the light's still red? I should just be allowed to go. I do. I just go, man. The one by the Tesco, the difference between the beeping stopping and the light turning green is like 20 seconds.

Do you mean the Tesco? on Park Road? Yeah, no, no, the one on Hanover Street. You go through the red? Oh, no, I mean it's the pedestrian. Oh, you mean, this is the driver. Yeah. That is a lie.

You knew exactly what I meant. I genuinely never, but I agree with you. Yeah. You should. But either way, low-level conspiracy. You've said you're calm one. Can you do the jingle for it? Because if this catches, and I really want it to, I think you...

Don't just say the title. You need to do some words. Do do. Do do. it's low level conspiracies. Hey? Nice. Someone make that for us.

So this is conspiracies are not air and no one. You know what I mean? I think that happens. The first one I've got this week is to do with old people and cruisers.

Right? I'm going to read that out to you. We're slowly acclimatizing people to send an elderly to the sea. Cruises are cheaper than retirement homes. So old people... Why are you reading this?

Like year seven school? I want to make sure to get it right. Have you ever heard that it's cheaper to go back to back on cruises than to get a retirement home? Have you ever heard that? No. Apparently all people will go like in a year like six back to back to back cruisers because it's cheaper than paying for them time and home. Right.

It's a thing. So all people go back. I want to save our questions. I want to make a note to come back to that a little bit. Okay. All people go back to back on cruisers rather than go to the time and homes. So we're going to get them ready for that, which frees up the land for the young. It's basically going, get rid of.

to the sea because that's where you'd be living in the future. So we're going to do floating retirement. See, I think you're, there's two distinctions we need to make here. Retirement home is like a community where, you know, okay, in the toilet, there's like a thing that you pull and if you fall over, someone comes to get you. And then there's nursing homes when you're like,

I'm not nursing homes. You also haven't presented this like it's a conspiracy. You've presented it like it's your idea. Yeah. It's a suggestion. No, as in like we're getting them used to it. Like, you love cruises, do you love? You be fucking living on one.

Soon. We're getting them used to the sea so we can send them there because they're in the way. Right, okay. I mean, it does, it sounds pretty good. If you're going to be trapped

in a living room, like just staring at the same fucking 12-old people. Nice. I mean, all people love Cruz as well because they do those like 1940s nights, don't they?

Where everyone dresses up and goes, and the ladies are allowed out. Pucking little shoes down, Hilda. We're going, we're going, Ballroom dancing. We're in the Adriatic,

you lucky little woman. Yeah, and a second one, just to get the people used to what it is. Do you know, baby wipes? We're all aware of baby wipes, aren't me? Are you?

Yeah? Yeah. You are ready for stand-up, by the way. Baby wipes, guys. He heard of baby wipes? He knows what I'm talking about. Give me a cheer if you use baby wipes. Give me cheer if you don't use baby wipes.

Who's drinking? Have you ever tried to pull one baby wipes? out. Oh yeah. You can't. Fifteen come out, don't he? Yeah. Big baby wipe.

It makes you buy more baby wipes. They purposely make it difficult to pull one baby wipe out. So you end up using so much more baby wipes. Joe, I can see that one. You put it back in. How the fuck? No, you don't.

You use 15 baby. It's on one small thing. You put it all in the bin. No, you get them back in. You stuff them back in. No, but once you put them back in, they dry quicker. It's like as soon as they've been oxidized,

they just become crispy, unless I'm putting the wrong ones back in. Big baby wife. Low level conspiracy. I think I might have a similar one. Well, it's not kind of similar to that. I think lip-sill's an absolute scam. The fuck's lip-sill?

Do you know, like, lip balm? Lip-arm. Yeah. Because before I started using lip-barm regularly, my lips were only dry when I was ill or, like, had a cold. Whereas when I've started them now, if I go a day without it,

my lips are drier than the Sahara. And there's a rainbow. Lovely imagery. Thank you. Is that because you can, like, lip skin, like it goes into your bloodstream quicker? Like,

it's thinner lip skin. It's like your bell end. Yeah, it's like, it's like rubbing cocaine into your gums, rubbing... What? No, I think,

I think his body's become accustomed to it and now relies on it. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And now I've always got to have one in my pocket. Big Vaseline, man. What? Do you kiss cocaine?

That's a thing, in it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've never seen anyone do it, just rub it. to me lips. No one will know. They'll think I've had cake with icing.

Well, it's different skin in it. And it cuts easier. Yeah. Yeah. So it makes sense that it's more osmosis-y. What started the lip-bar? Like, if you didn't have dry lips, why did you start using lip-bomb?

I just fancy having, like, shiny lips. Nice. For a bit. Do you put it on before kissing? Do you go like, and then sometimes. Do this. If I'm feeling romantic.

So yeah, get your low-level conspiracies in I don't want none of this like, I don't know, Bush did 9-11, it's too high level. I think your first one's pretty high level. Is it? Getting every old person ready for death on the sea. Yeah, that's pretty. Well, they're going to die at sea.

Yeah, but that's like saying, get me... Not death on the sea. They're going to die on the sea, cow. Yeah. What's like saying get me to die on the land? You're just housing them. Elseway. Yeah, that's a pretty high level.

Is that there is currently a movement going on. And the reason we're doing it is to make room for young people on the land. Yeah, P&O come up with. P&O cruises are behind it. And the whole plan is, right, we'll get them out at sea so they're used to be in at sea

so that we then make big floating retirement homes. And they're like, well, love cruises. And you go, go live on one then, love. And then we turn the retirement homes into like, you know, Ninja Warrior places and stuff. Is there going to be floating nursing homes as well? No, because that requires like a bit of health care and stuff.

The hospitals need to be nearby. Yeah, but you could just do it. on like a canal boat or something. Just like loads of canal boat, swamper person. Oh, so they're not dying on the, I thought you were burying them at sea. No, I mean.

Oh, there you go. It grows ever more. What's that? My nana died at sea. We'd like to be at the funeral. Oh shit, you're in the Adriatic. Never mind. It would be a really good solution

to the housing crisis to just run with this though. Like genuinely, just like build more boats and just sent, like you live on a boat now, Billy. Off you go. And they've been made up.

Start the, Boats. Start the Boats. What age are you forced on to a cruise? Fifty-five. It's always too soon. It's always too soon for me. You're without Laura for how many years? Six.

Oh, she's not allowed to come with. She's younger than you. She's younger than you. What's the fucking point of sending me on a boat then? If the house isn't free! You can fuck off. Hang on, what about my house? Oh, yeah. She can live in it. I just get to... No, you're in the way on the high streets.

Hang on, this doesn't... This sounds all right. Yeah, I'm not going to fight it. I just get a five-year cruise on me all. I want to say 70. I think 70's fair. But you get a proficiency test. It's called the land proficiency test. It's the LFT, no.

LPT. And they go, right, show us that you can live on the land without annoying these young people. If you do, you get to stay, if not, on the boat. Yeah. Great. Smart. Send yours in at have a word pod at gmail.com. We name that this podcast, have a word.

We'll do some have a word. It's time to have her. Tell us all the problems. Yeah, have with your friends. Emma says, Hi, lads. Can't believe I'm actually telling you this, but love the pod.

Have a word with my... Fucking Lever. She doesn't give praise out very easily. You force me to this. Have a word with my best friend. Let's call her Jess. My husband and I have been together eight years and we've married for two.

For our one-year wedding anniversary, he bought and made me a close. Clone Willie from Love Honey using code AFF-Word20. Nice. Me and my friendship group are really close. So knew about this and recently, whilst we all had a drink and we were playing a confession drinking game, just confessed to having used my toy when we went on a girl's trip.

She says it's okay because she's used toy cleaner. Admittedly, when we were younger, we have shared a toy. But this isn't the same as it's literally my husband's willie. Have a word. No. No. First of all, I'm a freaky guy. I'm into this.

And if you've let you make you toys in the past and she's thought it's okay, I think it's fine. Before we even get onto the specific situation. It's a thing. Yeah, yeah. We've got one. It's a thing.

No, no. The sharing. The sharing of dildos is a thick, that is a... Good album. Private team. Maybe amongst, like, lesbians. Like they've got like a dildo, Joe.

I don't think there's any, I don't think there's any difference, literally no difference whether they're straight or gay as women. That is your dildo. Is that a group dildo? No, but surely if you're a lesbian, you'd fuck it up your missus and then up you. Yeah. Surely. I sort of meant in between friends, but you're absolutely right. In an intimate situation, it'd be really weird if you're like, I'm going to get a dildo out.

Are you going to use it on me? No. This is my dildo. I want to fuck it up you, then. Fuck it up me. We're on your side, sisters. I'm not the lesbians fighting polar bears? I don't know, Dan, I forgot.

Let's get this war over. Sharing can't be a thing just between mates. That's so... You never shared a cockering with Bondi. Come on, Dan. We've all done it, man. A cock ring factory. He's got free access to them.

That's how he's made his money. Oh, wow. I think it is a normal thing, isn't it? It's a non-porous material. Like, you can get it wet. You wipe it down. Come on, brother. If you, you know, you're on record of loving a butt plug.

Yeah. I stayed over at yours. Oh, wow. You left it in the bathroom. I cleaned it before I used it. I cleaned it after, but I've just popped your old butt plug up there, just for a bit of a laugh.

That's worse for you than him. I think it's bad. for everyone. I'd be fine with it. God, you're so liberal. It's just a butt plug in it. I don't chill out, man. It's the more than I ran about.

Stick my butt plug out, you were else. Shut out, man. Is it worse that it's a husband's cock? I think it's only worse if her husband's got like a noticeably different cock. Most cocks are the same, aren't they?

No, we've all got very different. It's like a fingerprint. Yeah, every cock's different. We've all got different cocks. You know, cocks are different. You've seen mine. You've seen mine with a snotty nose. You know what I mean?

We all have the same veins, brother. Do I mean? Like, I feel like... Everyone's willy is different. Can girls tell that, though? Yeah. From, like, the different veins. From how it looks and feels, yes.

Viginal is a different? They're all made out of skin. They are. So is your face? Yeah. That seems like a dig. No, but I can tell his face from yours. Hang on.

You were saying you could do a blind taste test on a vagina and not? Taste. Taste? Isn't it so? I reckon vaginas have different tastes. If you showed me five and one of them was my wife, I go, that's her.

No, what about just tasting? No, you're blindfolded. In a room with 15 women, you eat every single box there. Could you pick Seneca's out? What channel's this? Why are you watching this one? Yes.

What about feel? Yeah, like, when you're in there? As in... No, oh, no. This one's... Could you reckon you could sniff it out? Watching this episode, really? Chris Romsey fun.

Yes. Like little red riding hunt. No, not little. Golda loss. This one's a wolf. Goldie cough. It bit me. My grandma, your pussy smells weird.

What big lips you have. Oh, dear. I can remember the actual phrase. That's a section. I think you've made a bit of a, she's a bit ditty, but you know what made you... No, but they've shared toys before

I don't think it matters that it's your husband's car. Unless you went, is this your husband? If she used it, went, oh that was your husband's? It's a way for her to get the fantasy out of fucking your husband or seeing what his cock feels like

when I was actually doing it if anything, she's being nice about it. Yeah, but could be a teaser for like... Wait, if she knew, then it's fucking mental. It's not? I think she did know. If she knew that was her husband's cock... She confessed it, didn't she? They'd shared toys before you wouldn't confess

just using another toy. I think that's another... layer to this if she knew. What if you... I've made Alex one of those cloner-willy things. And if she... genuinely. And if she...

I'm a whaler. If she... Why he said you're a whaler? I'm a waler. I'm a wailer. I'm a wailer. I'm at sea a lot. Whaling. Like, flip it then, Dan. If she had like a little, you know,

like a tea party and like the girls all use my knob, I'd be fine, in it? Wild tea party, though. What? It's all the wags. So what if you flip it? Anyone? What if you flip it then? Because you can get ladies made

into pocket pussies, can you? Yeah. Flip it. What do you mean? What if you're a partner you were with, let's do your hypothetical so it's not a real person.

No, it could be Alex. I've got a pocket pussy of Alex, yeah. And Dan goes, I'm staying over. Are we having a tea pie? I'm staying over. I forgot mine. I'll tell you what about Adam's tea parties.

Great, because you get to come. I mean, a lot of people say that's not really what, you know, McMillan's coffee mornings are for, but that's not how Adam does it. I'd be okay. with it as long as me misses this so I'd just ring here I'd be like

I'd be like damn wants to fuck me pocket pussy see what your funny feels like and if she's like no then I'd be like you know I've got to respect that I hope I never make you make that call she doesn't feel it just quick up she doesn't feel it though she doesn't feel it but it's a bit weird it's not a voodoo pocket pussy

is it good album whoa no Alex if you made Ellie one weirdly small you made Ellie one and then just left it and then like I don't know John Lynn stayed over at yours, whatever reason he's short on a hotel. She might feel it.

No, and he's like, honey, can I have a go with that? You'd be like, yeah. Harry, what's that on the coffee tape? Coffee change. I just want to fuck it. No. I think I'd let John Lynn fuck Ellie's pocket pussy.

We need to end this section. I can't wait. This has got to be love on you after this, surely. Let's see who's getting to sponsor this little bit. Enjoy Chris Ramsey. I've had two and a half. And no lunch or breakfast.

That's a crazy combo. Or snacks. But Chris Ramsey's in. Yay. And now I'm scared. Wow, what an intro. Might be worse. Could be well better.

Yeah. You know. I got on the lift floor. I thought it was a coffee. And then I was like, oh, no shit, that's a Guinness. Yeah, yeah. I respect it.

If I wasn't gigging at night, I would be joining in. Just a little bit of suns come out. Exactly. I went for a couple of pints on the lane near where I live because I'm trying to socialize my puppy. So I was like,

we'll go for lunch. And then I was like, we probably can't have lunch on a pint. Which one would you rather have? Two pints, you know? So we had two pints. Then it was time to get here, but I walked in with Jack Finnegan. And as we were walking into town,

he was like, do you remember COVID when you could just get takeout pints and just whatever? And I was like, I reckon we could just ask Pogs if they'll do us a takeout pint. And it turns out they will, if you ask them nicely enough, and you know everyone who works there. It's got a puppy to just validate some day drinking.

Socialising the puppy. It's really good for like a nice. week old puppy to see a pub. You're wet in the baby's head. So sizing the puppy. It's great. Totally. Lion.

How are you? I'm good, man. I'm really good. You're right, though. Sun's out. I've just walked through Liverpool. I'm absolutely buzzing. I'll wash out a drink,

but I can't because I've got a gig. But as soon as the sun's out, everything's just better. Yeah. Everything's better. And we've had a shit house of a year so far. Yeah. It's pissed it down every fucking day.

Well, we were in Africa for a lot of January. So we've had a fucking great year. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Yeah, but Africa tipped into, there was nice days, and if you were around the pool, yeah, it's lovely. But then we were doing other stuff, like in towns in Africa, going, this isn't how you enjoy the weather. And it was just a fucking, it was just a dust bowl and it was sweaty. So we were above the clouds, so we just got insane weather.

Not for long. We were in Africa for three weeks. We were above the clouds for about four and a half hours. But it felt like a lot longer. Times different. Nice weather. Nice weather is only nice if you're doing this. the right thing in that weather.

Absolutely. Like, you've got to, like, weather comes out like this and you're walking into town and getting a street pint. Yeah. Phenomenal. Yeah, exactly.

As soon as you're doing something. Working, dog shit. Yeah. 100%. A gig. A gig. I just said this to me too, I managed on the way here.

I said, do you think we're going to get any swelter and horrible gigs? Because a swelter and night gig is the pit. We did, I did Lincoln Engine shed once, and it was 36 degrees outside. And Carl Hutchinson, who supports us. Who's a sweaty man, let's be honest.

Oh, he is such a sweaty man. It's beautiful. I love it when a good-looking guy, like he's carrieve-smatic, he's smart, he's a good-looking guy, but he sweats like a... You're like that? No.

He is, isn't he? But he's charismatic. He's got dulse of tones. I don't know. I'm just building him up to the... But he sweats like a paed of a. Unbelievable. There you go.

You see? We build up. Yeah. A little jab. No, but he sweats like a wrong and done it. And it's great. It's the first time I've ever seen me life. He had shin sweat patches

on his trousers when he came off. And the woodenet, open the fire doors and it was painful and I was on stage. I wore shorts. Only time I've ever wore shorts. Everything overheated so much that the lights all went off. The whole rig went off halfway and I was so happy when the rig went off because there was no lights on us.

I was like, oh, like, well, I stopped the gig, but I just stood there going, oh. Did the gig stop or did you just do it in the dark? I said, I would just leave them off for a little while and I just did that sort of just with the mic, I went, please don't put the lights back on because it's horrible. It was horrible. Yeah. So gigging in the heat is the pit. Absolutely pit.

Especially like the fringe. The Edinburgh, like Edinburgh for the month, if you get on looking, you've got a little sweat pit room. And you're like, there's no justice here because Edinburgh is never more than 23 degrees. Like, it's not a particularly warm day. But the rooms you're in, just over the day, they've got some, like, drama group in. And then there's another play and then, oh, like, the body is that is following someone who sells fuck all to you. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

A really quiet room the hour before you. Yeah. Really cools that room. If the slot before you is looking like a nomination, you're fucking. Can you remember when people used to put on the flyers fully air-conditioned venue? Some people had it on the ver. So I just don't think it would work as well

if you just had on the flyer. Person before sells for call. Don't worry. Room will be nice and cool. Five stars, put it all snowflakes. That's how cool. People are nudging me with this weather to do, you know,

it might be time for me. Water safety on it. I think it's too early, so I'm going to save it. Why can you give Chris your annual announcement? I've got an annual water safety the announcement. Just be careful around, you know, swimming in quarries, etc. Sorry?

Swimming in quarries. Is this because I'm from the North East? You just have to mention mine in this quick. He looks like it. Carl's terrified of open water. Really? Not enough people are. It takes many lives. Give it three weeks and you will see on the news.

15-year-old boy jumps in a lake and dies. Right. Is there water in the lake? Fun, fun. It's never fun. I'm just, it happens a lot. Yeah,

yeah. I mean, what's a closed body of water? Swim pool. Oh, right. Yeah. Or a lake. Or a bath.

Hang on. There's just, there's a kid just drowned in a lake. I think open body, it just means like a large bit of water. No, an open body of water is like the sea or the ocean or space. Careful in space kids.

Don't pass out in puddles. Because they can be. As you can see behind Dan. Yeah. Beware of the sea, man. So that would, oh, right. This is.

You are terrified of... Have you seen the film open water? Yeah, it's audible. Awful. I went out... Maybe that's one of the reasons I ate it. That's the scuba divers, isn't it? I've never seen it.

Oh, it's... Do you want me to spoil it for you? Hey? Do you want to spoil it for you? Well, they go... They go down, they come up, the boat's gone and the die. So at the end, they've been floating around the water for a day or two.

My film better be four minutes long, by the way. Peach a length. Take Lord of the Rings. At the end, spoilers, turn off now if you care, they just decide they need to die, so they take the stuff off and just sink and die. That's just that. The feel good film of the summer.

Can you make yourself sink? We went, like, we went to, we've been to Tenerife and Turkey, and you know, you get a little boat trip out, don't you? You go to the little middle of the whatever. Like, and we all jumped in, had a little swim. He won't get in.

Even if he can, like, hold the boat, he won't get in. Do you know what? As bad a coup as me. Does what? Do you know what? I haven't told anyone this but me and my wife have told right so me and my wife

when we got married we went on our honeymoon and we got a boat we're in Santorini and we got a boat and it was just us on the boat and it went out to you know where it was it was blue but it was dark blue and it was like jumping and the staff on the boat

were pissing themselves laughing because I was jumping off and then just like fucking it as fast as I could all the way around and back on the boat and I remember Rosie saying what is it like you're scared of And I was like, I'm scared of a massive hand coming up and just pulling us down.

She was like, yeah, but that would never happen. I say, yeah, yeah, but I'll be the first one it happens to. We discovered a new species of this fucking, the hand, the water hand. And it pulled us down. Yeah, it's the same fear. And I don't know what I do. And I know it can never happen. But I get it.

I was laughing at you first, but I get it. Do you haven't got the quilt on your body? You need in bed and you go, oh God, that's stupid feeling you get. Yeah. Times I buy a million in the sea. Yeah, it's like sticking your foot out of the bed, but it's much worse. It's a whole body.

At first I thought he was weird, and he taught us around. A giant sea hand. Hand, like something, getting us a big fucking tentacle or something. I know what it's like, I jumped in the water, but then you're like, this is,

this is where sharks are. Yes. Like I, it isn't. It is. It is. All seas are connected. In the paddling bit off the coast of.

They don't know it. They don't know it's the paddling bit. That's just the other bit to them. All, all seas are. seas are connected. They are. A shark could go that way

in the, you know, in the pavilion be? Although, have you ever seen videos of, it's murkier than you think. It's murky as fuck. They're just, videos where a shark just appears out of nowhere. You think you can see really far in the water. You can't.

It's murky as fuck. You've fully turned me around. I'm not going in the sea this year. Get in. But sharks are more scared of you than you are of them. Who told you that? Who? It's like head chokes.

That's mine, isn't it? I'd have been in the sea trying to catch a shark in a cup. I just don't like the boats though sharks see the boat and they're like they've all seen yours they're like ah ah ah ah ah no no to stick down the other board

no there was in Egypt there were ships who were going on like cruises with a lot of rich people and then they get they were like we don't want to pay for recycling and they were dumping all of the spare food off the back as they were coming back into Charmel Shake

you can't recycle food no but you can get rid of it like yeah pay for it to be disposed it's just easier to just fucking was it over so they were throwing me So sharks were just like working out there. They could follow the boats back. And a cantonar, said he?

What? Yeah, he did. Edna said he? Said what? What's saying? But it was about seagulls. In the more end of that way? You know, the seagulls follow the trawler because he knows his fish.

A shark's falling the boat because he knows his buzz. Yeah. No, they were following these Egyptian ones because they were dumping loads of lamb. And you're like, oh, yeah. We weren't throwing legs of lamb off the boat that we got on in tick. I thought if one of those sharks is still alive and he's like, Fuck, remember that lamb? I don't trust you to not throw a leg of lamb off

when I get in the sea. I didn't have a leg of a lamb. But I feel like you would have to do my head in. It'd be a good joke. Stuff in your pockets with meat. Yeah. That'd be a good joke, would it? Ah, sharks got you.

I threw a leg of lamb. I haven't shit in Turkey. You know, the little ones that just come in, I think they're just basically cleaning your leg. They're taking a tiny little bit of, they just touch you. It's like a little flick. Yeah, yeah.

I think they're bigger versions of the one that you, you know, in the shopping, centers about 15 years ago. Are the ones that could give you HIV? Yeah, yeah. Sorry. You don't remember that? What was going on in the metro center?

No, you could put your feet in. Oh yeah, because it was biting people with AIDS. You could get hepatitis. You could get literally like you get blood diseases from them. We had that in Tanzania. You can't get AIDS off a fish biting your foot. I'm telling you it. I didn't say AIDS.

I said HIV. I'm sure you could get HIV. I might be thinking the hepatitis. It's one of the two. Something dirty. Not dirty. Dirty. Dirty.

Dirty fish. I didn't say dirty. Dirty. Oh, fucking honestly, I'm back against the ropes jabbing on this podcast, aren't there? You go to try and finish me, like. I didn't say dirty. It's not undirty about HIV. Would you like it?

It's fine, you know? Good, we're a bit nervous. You're one of my watch confidants. Yes. We spoke about watchers when we did laughs for kids in Newcastle, which we both do most years. Yes. For Jason. Class, gig, annual gig.

just pays a little bit of money to get in. They have to bring presents for kids. No one gets paid, raises loads of... I nearly said money, but it doesn't... It gets a lot of presents in for kids in the Northeast who wouldn't get a presents otherwise. Yeah, yeah.

And we were talking about watches there, and I noticed you didn't have one on today. It's like, what's going on? You know, watch one way is you watch? And he's like, he's walking through lift pill on my own. I just didn't know whether... I'll behave yourself.

Any city, any city. But yeah, just with a T-shirt on. I never wear a watch other t-shirt on, man. I think the algorithm knows and I'm scared of what accounts where people get stuff stolen off than watches and phones and that so when I'm in a city centre

any city centre that isn't Newcastle I'm like holding on to me phone like fucking if I haven't got a long sleeve on there's no I will not wear a watch with a t-shirt or really? Totally wise in it I just think yeah I just hate having to live your life that way I'd rather lose my watch and the fight to keep her

than edit my life to that point I understand that I don't mean like I'm not saying like anyone who tries to take me watch I'll punch their editing and kill them and like there's some people But I would try. And I'd rather be the guy who's like,

who got fucking beat up and lost it. Yeah. Than be like, I can't wear that. Like, you wouldn't just hand it over? No. Really?

So when you were fucked up? And Alex, what have you done by? And you just, why your face is fucked now? How many other? How many other? Just,

I don't know, two? Two had, chime hands. Maybe the big, I was like, laggies your fucking watch. And he's just a big kid.

No? Absolutely not. No. Wow. I like this. Should we maybe set this up, would you? Would you, like, a single pensioner, I wouldn't have it on.

A single pensioner could ask for my watch, I'd be like, it's probably not worth it. You have it, Maury. I don't know she's single. She has sad eyes. You know what? You need another time more than me. You're not got long left.

Yeah, I just, like, I don't, I totally get the anxiety. And it's there. I just, I just, I resist it because I don't want to edit my life around bad people. Yeah, I get it. And I understand that's ever. Yeah.

Not in Liverpool cities, isn't it? Because this is your town, isn't it? No, but I'd wear to watch it in London. I'd wear it in Newcastle. Like,

I'd be careful with my phone in London. That's... I'm very careful. That's maybe an edit that I'd do. Yeah, but I wouldn't not get it out. Like, if someone text me or, like, I'll answer it. And like, if I need to map somewhere,

like, if I've got, like, a meeting or a podcast or whatever, and I've got to get somewhere. Like, I'll go like that. I'm a bit more vigilant, but I'm not like, clock that back ready. Yeah? Check with the left. I also just think these moped people,

like, I think I would see them. If I don't see them coming, then it is what it is. And I'll get a new phone, whatever. But I'd volley them off the moped. I'd have no, if someone tries to take my phone and they're on a moped.

But they're only moving. They're just grabbing, gone. Yeah, but they're, like, I feel like I'd see them at some, And I honestly just close lying them off the moped. This has given me a lot of confidence now because next time I get mugged, I'll volley them off the mobility scooter.

Would you have any morality around that? If someone tried to rob you, would you be bothered about harming them? I think what happens is you're not here? And you go, what the f? I think it happens so quick. They are gone? I think you're completely right.

I think it happens so quick. I love the mentality of I shouldn't have to fucking change me, you know, but I just couldn't be asked with getting a new phone. They take it in. It's fucking open as well. They take it when it's unlocked. So they're driving off into the fucking sunset

and they've got all of your shit. They've got access to everything. Do I mean? They go straight on your Instagram, post a photo of their asshole. They can do whatever they want. Like, it's, sorry, that's just what I would do for store of phone.

Yeah, I want only my asshole on my Instagram. I'm not having strange assholes the most likes you've ever got on Instagram. Imagine that. I don't think this is a robber, and that isn't even a well-kept asshole. I don't think there's an arshole on. the planet, that wouldn't be an improvement

on my... It's not about Abu Hamza. Why is he got a bad asshole? Can't wipe his ass? Can't he get his hook? He's got another normal and? How's he stolen the phone on a moped as well with a hulk? He's got detachable

thing to get a moped. Oh, he's got a moped. Is it not about picking your barry, Greg? Oh, great. Oh, great. What a fucking name to just throw in the mix? Where the fuck did that come from? I thought it is, right. My brains of tornado of shite.

God almighty. It's not about picking your battles though, because I didn't wear gang affiliated colours when I was in Compton. I was going to yellow one today. Yeah. When I was in Compton, I only packed, like, I didn't pack any me red or blue,

just in case. Just gives the thought you are. Affiliated crips are bloods. Because also, I'm, like, when I walk, I'm a bit clumsy when I walk. Also go gangster. Well, yeah, the man thought I was quit walking. It was like,

and they go, get him there. He does have a lot of wigging kits as well. Wiggin fan. I'm just a Wiggin fan. You can't be too careful. You genuinely, that's great. That's really, really good. Oh, God.

Is there not a bit of you as a comedian wants the mayhem though? Like, is there a little bit of that? Like, if you, if someone tried to steal your watch, as long as it didn't get, like, vicious, which I don't think it would, there's a part of you as a comic

I think sort of want to see it play out Yeah yeah yeah yeah Yeah So maybe I'll have a story I don't think it would I think there's a lot of people who are thieves

Who haven't got the bollocks to back up Their front I think a lot of people Were back People to do what you're saying Which is just give it over Yeah

Whereas if you just fucking Punch him square in the face It's like ow And they'll go away I've normally got a helmet on It's Christopher Walker Oh you had they put a helmet off To cover the face

My fantasy. I'm not talking about the phone. I'm talking about the give me the watch. All right. My fantasy is the moped guys come up and you can just grab. Does anyone ever grabbed your fucking head while you've got a helmet on? It's like fucking handles on your head. Imagine just grabbing the underside of the helmet and just fucking swinging them around like you're in the playground. Imagine how satisfying that would be. So we,

Carl Hutchinson told me this the idea. Carl Hutchinson's fantasy is that someone tries to mug him in the street, right? I told a version of this to my wife and I left out the last bit which he reminded us of last night so you can have the full lot. His fantasy is that someone attacks him in the street or tries to mug him right and he fucks them up because he's a big lad

he fucks them up in this fantasy and then he kegs them because he takes their pants and their underpants off and he puts them in a bin close by so that when they come to they've got to stand in the middle of a high street and get their clothes out of a bin

that's his fantasy right? But also So his second part of his fantasy is he's going to keg them them and then he lifts their shirt up and it's quite cold and he wants to give them big red handprints on their back just slap their back while they're unconscious on the floor. I was like, you're fucking ill. He's fully thought it through.

Couple of Chinese burns. Unbelievable. Yeah. I find it was somebody, I just, I can't, again, my algorithm on Instagram that must just shows loads of watch and phone thefts because you watch one and it's like, oh, you like this fucked up shit. Ian throws it out you.

I watch so many of them that I just think. And then once it enters me head, if it hadn't ended my head, if I hadn't thought about it, I'd have walked here, no bother at all. But I thought about it. And then I know what would happen.

They would muggers and they'd be going off. And I'd go, I knew I should have. I knew it. I knew it. I know once you've got to thought, you're like,

oh, I've thought about not doing it. It's now more my fault if it happens. Yeah. Still, just fuck them. Ah, just thing.

I love your confidence. I wish I had it. It's not even confidence. Like, because I'm not saying I could defo fight them off. Mm. I just, I accept I'm losing the watch.

I want me pride. You'll never fucking take that. Maybe he ended up at him and taking his watch. And then you'd become him. Yeah? The, uh, one of the... How sick would that be? Someone tries to take your watch.

I don't know. You take sort of, whether it's his watch, his phone, his shoes. You sell the trousers. Give the money to villains. Glass eye. One of the funniest things... No, sorry, one of the coolest things I ever saw. I don't want to get too, like, violent and horrible.

But the coolest things, ever, there was a mate of mine when I was younger, he was two years older than me, he was like a local hard lad. And we went to the Chinese takeaway, and he was getting some like just chips, rice and curry sauce. And some guy came up, some, like Scali or whatever, came up

and said, oh, give us a, you got any cigarettes? And he went, yeah, and you went, gives a cigarette, and he went, no. So the Scali guy started on him. I mean, mate, he put his food down. He knocked him out in one punch. He went in his pocket. He put a cigarette on his chest.

as he was lying dormant on the floor, he picked with his food and he walked away. Was that Jason Bourne? It was, it was fucking sensational. Was he a boxer or something? Yeah. Yeah, right. Yeah, when he was a kid.

It was the coolest thing. I'd legit fancied him for like five years. It was like, oh my God. I was only like 14, so I was like, didn't leave his side. You said you were only 14. If someone done that now, that would be the best thing you've ever seen?

Yeah, I suppose, yeah. But then I'll just think, oh, it's the okay. He's concussion. Is he upset? Is he going to wake up? I really just think anyone who's that much of a cunt, anyone who's a thief, a bully,

like someone's going to attack you, I think anything that happens to them is fair game. Yeah. I think if someone tries to take your phone and you volley them off their scooter and they end up in a coma for the next 40 years, that's on, it's not on you. They never do it at the person who can volley them.

That's the point, that cowards. A warning to Carl Hutchison, if you take the pants off, when does self-defense become sexual assault that's something you tickle his balls yeah don't tickle his balls

what are you doing to that dead man never mind what happens if he goes because you're phone and you just go fuck off sling it and just throw your phone

I've often thought of that I've often thought of that I just slinging into a field and go and what? Yeah I do believe that's how a robbery turns into an assault

yeah go and get it bitch and then he works for you people who are like proper self-defense people don't like the CIA and the FBI and that they teach he

to like be mental, don't they? Yeah. Like, if, like, if you just act, like, really erratic, like, you can, like, so, Darren Brown says one thing. So, like, if someone comes up to here and goes, give me your money,

you can be like, oh, the fence is yellow, but it's meant to be brown. And that, that can, like, fuck with people's heads because they're like, I actually see your phone. One of these are, you were like, oh, it meant to be sunny yesterday, but it's raining on Tuesday.

People are like, what the fuck's going? Like, it can fuck with them. But, like, if you just, like, if someone comes up, give your money and you just, like, forcibly shit yourself. They can't just be like, I don't want any of this shit. You won't be like, nah.

This is where my greatest superpower ever invented would come into play. Greater superpower to have that I think could be more useful than being able to fly or super strength or anything like that. Being able to make someone violently vomit on cue. Oh. Literally, he gives him money. He goes, boom! He's uncontrolled. He's sick on himself.

Would you take that over pooing the pants? Yeah. Yeah, okay. Much worse. You can style out shit in your cell off. Because if you poo yourself as a thief, you can pretend you haven't. Yeah, you can style it out.

I haven't pooed myself. But sometimes you feel better after being sick. Yeah, but it stops when I decided stops. Yeah, he's not at 12 pounds. That is a lot of power. It's just fucking... You're killing Chris! He's dry even after six.

Do you know what I mean? There's nothing left. Great superpower. There is. There was no better superpower. It is. I'm not giving you my phone. If I do, when you get home,

your freezers broke. Is that a good one? More of the long term sort of thing. Play the long game. If I do, that's your superpower. If I do. Yeah.

Thor? Oh. It is sensational. Oh, God. I'm pleased it is. I'm starting to wish I got beat up on the way here. It's a good one. No, you be gutted.

Oh, man, the mini milks. Say it again? The mini milks. I've got mini milks and I. be gutter if they were gone. When did you last have one? Last night. When did you have one before that?

The night before? You're having a mini milk at night! You're not having a mini milk a night? So I'll probably start with the vanilla one. I think chocolate's my least favourite. So I think I've got... Very powdery, the chocolate one, very powdery. Yeah, I like a strawberry and a vanilla

but yeah, mini milks, man, I'd be gutted. Just one at a time? Surely it's a... Yeah. Well, I can have one too. Oh, of course. Belton mini milks. Like a fucking frozen yak.

How many milk every day, yeah? No, have I done for the last two days because I bought them two days ago. Have you tried like, you know, Ben and Jerry's or something well better? Yeah. No, because you can overdo it on Ben and Jerry. You can't overdue.

No, minimilks are just a lovely little snack. You can't overdose on a mini milk. Yeah, you can't. Have you tried the Dulcee Delish that they've brought out, Ben and Jerry's? It's, I really wish my local co-op stop stocking it because I can't. I'm watching Chris react to, like,

in the first 25 minutes of a podcast, Abu Hamza, phone thing. and the new flavour of Ben and Jenny's own. It's been a journey, man. It's been an unbelievable journey. This is one of our more vanilla sort of like... It's totally to do that day. This is sort of...

Nice. In all honesty, I've only just calmed down because you told me to go to a sandwich place called Derricks. And it was so nice. I was angry. I was actually unexplically angry. I went for the one that you said, but that's sold out.

And I was like, fuck, this guy knows... It's sold. The one you said. suggested was sold. That was like, so I went for the other pulled chicken one with the pastrami

and that in it and the prosciutto in it it was a Gaba gul. No, he didn't get the gabagoole he got the grinder. Grindrinder, yeah.

Favorite sandwich, favorite app. And, um, gay buddies. It was, um, it was so nice. I was furious,

like genuinely. But there isn't one in Newcastle. No, and the one here, I shut at four so I can't even get one after the gig either. I was,

I kept seeing me to imagine I was going, it's so nice. It's making us, it's making us furious. It's class. They're really good, like, I can't explain. There's another sandwich place.

I nearly bought merch. It was that nice. I nearly went in and bought the T-shirts. Oh, I've got fucking everything. I've got a T-shirt jumper, fucking ass. They're class. Unbelievable. And we should have got all of that for free, but we've paid for it, I think.

No, I bought one thing a day. They have to give us a couple of us. Oh, nice, nice. We do mention them a lot. Derricks. Derricks. There's another place called Cash. So that's like sort of the Italian-American-style Gaff.

Yeah, yeah. The lads who'd run at a class. They started a few years ago, like sort of near, like, not far from where me and Carl live, like, and then they moved to Crosby, and they've just opened in town, like a year ago, and they've just flown since then.

But there's, they're amazing. And there's another place called Castro, which is more sort of, the laddie runs it's Spanish, isn't he? I'd say more of a lot. And it's more like a Mexican theme, like sort of like the hot chicken, loads of garlic, loads of spice and stuff.

And for years, like I'm a big sandwich man. I'm a sandwich fellow, do you know you are? Because I sent you about 10 recommendations. And as soon as I mentioned butties, you were like the butty one. I'm going to the buddy one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was nowhere in the pool that did,

like you go and get a fucking, like a Tesco, like. Or a subway or something, yeah. Whatever, or a subway. But there was no like, 40 gaff for years to the point where I was looking at opening, the sandwich place. And then sort of, they just popped up

and they were just killing the game. So, you know, the sandwich van just took her back, a back seat finale. This brings me on nicely to me to something. I don't think I've, ever brought this up with you. And I'm surprised that we get on, Adam, because one of the first times we properly met,

can you remember where it was? Huddersfield. Well done. Huddersfield, Lawrence Batley Theatre. And you love food. Can you remember this dressing room situation? Mm-mm. So you brought a mate with you.

I can't remember who the mate it was. I don't know who the mate was. But you brought a mate with you. I was sitting in the dressing room, writing just some new gear because I was going on and doing some new stuff. you came into the dressing room with your mate. How was your, Jack?

Huddersfield? No, that was, so it was the same week. So, so just, just, like, sorry to interrupt you, but, so Huddersfield, uni. Yeah. Every year for Freshers Week, used to do a really big festival. Festival.

Where on the, I think it was like the Friday or the Saturday was like a, basically their own, like, Fresh's Week music festival. so like Becky Hill headlined it one year I think chasing status was another year like they did this thing and they also did a comedy night

and that was on the Thursday I think maybe and the first year they did it I hosted the comedy night for them and I just had a really good night and the guys who ran the SU were like do you want to do this like every time we do it and I was like fucking right to do especially because I was like sort of

up and coming, the money was quite good for sort of where I was at the time. And I was on like a really stacked bill. Like everyone on the bill but me had like major TV credits and was like tour and comics in their own right. So like I think you headline one year and like Russell Kane definitely did one year. Sean Walsh definitely did one year. Like this is you know like quite a long time ago as well. It was a really good lineup.

And then the second year they were like, I'll just confirming you for this. and also do you want to do this as well? And that was, they were like, do you want to come and introduce all the music acts? You want to host that for us? You don't have to do any comedy.

Just come on, be like, hey, these guys are next. And they, like, I think that was like double the money I was on for like the comedy thing as well.

I had to do fuck all for it. That's what I took our jack to. I'm pretty sure if I had a mate at the comedy. It was probably someone giving me a lift. Right. Yeah, so it was probably someone who had been like,

do you want to, like, drivers up there? Is this where you were doing like an hour of new stuff for a tour. No, no, so I was just doing

20 or half an hour but I was just writing some new bits. You know, you've got your opener, you got your clothes out, you've got your clothes out, you've jam,

50 minutes of new gear in the middle if it's shit, you've got something to clothes on. It's all good, classic. Um, so I'm sitting in the room, small dressing room,

really small, like corridor of a dressing room. You came in with your mate. Um, you've always been a lovely lad, but you had behaviour. Um, you and your mate came in with a cabab each with garlic and chili sauce.

Oh, fucking scrand them on the desk next to us. I was like, you stood up, you opened your bag, you covered yourself in a can of links, and then you're both fucked off. I honestly don't see an issue. I don't think I've ever got over it.

It was a fucking nightmare. I was like, not only does the stink of garlic and chili, he's now just covered there, and now he's just fucking left. And they're going, God, it's a good job, he's a nice lad, because that is just fucking unacceptable. Can I ask you a question?

Yeah. Where was I meant to do all of that? eat it somewhere not in the dressing room somewhere not in the dressing room that you're sharing with someone else you're fucking animal and maybe the links

maybe in the bathroom yeah I would argue first of all I would Are you about the volume out of a more pet I would accept that the chili and garlic

it is questionable I give me that I would still argue that in a dressing room, in a green room, dressing room, whatever,

that that, you know, eating before the show and whatever the comic wants to eat, you could argue, hey, maybe you should have got, you know,

just a bit of sweet chili or something and sat on the other side. Right. I get that it's questionable. Right. I would argue that deodorant is part of getting dressed

and we were in a dressing room and you can go, fuck yourself. You fucking hate it. Can I mention the other dressing room? For comic came in, scranned two kebabs and then sprayed himself in link.

You would be fucking. and region. I'd be absolutely fine, me. I really support your choices. Ah, that's a busy aroma, but I support it. I just think, like, the, the, the, the odent and aftershave and, like, putting your pants on on, that's all fine in front of other comics.

Do you have pants on? Do you have pants on? I try not do anything with my pants on, genuinely. If I don't have to have pants or shoes on, like, I haven't got shoes on. I have to have pants on. I won't have them on. Right, okay. Do people ever get bollico in dressing rooms?

Not at the gym. Like if people are getting changed and, oh, I've got me lucky, me lucky gig in pants on. Yeah, in the hot water dressing room just recently because they've got like nine different shows on and some of them involve samba dancers. Yeah, people do get undressed. And it is, you really learn how everything about their ceiling

as you're trying not to get cancelled in a dressing room. You're like, right. But the, but. So me and Carl Hutchinson, because we're on two at the minute, if we happen to be getting changed in the dressing room, have to change your kegs. We've got a system, which is as soon as

your tackles on display, you repeatedly just say, tidla, tidla, tidla, tidla, tidla, tidla, tidla, tidla, tidla, tidla, tidla, tidla, tidla, daedla, tidla, tidla, tidla, tidla. Yeah, no tidler. And then they're not seeing your cock. Has he never seen your cock?

I don't think you see him. Come on. Come on. Have you not seen his cock? I don't think so. You've been touring together for fucking ages. The most have been a bit of day. Why is this getting more of a reaction

than the, fucking kebab and the links. Because that's fine. Why, you're seeing his car. I don't want to say he's cock. What the fuck is this? No, you don't. You don't want to see your best mate's cock.

I don't want to see your best. I'm sure he doesn't want to see mine either. That's dreadful. We don't have seen any of his cocks. Probably years ago. Well, you've got a fucking, you got a sticker collection of yours. I haven't seen, we've spoken about this point.

I haven't seen cars. He's seen mine. I've saw yours by accents as well. Yeah. I mean, it's always by accent. Tidler, tidler. I think one of them was your fault. I've only seen it once, haven't I?

Remember when we were doing the thing? Yeah. Yeah. The thing, by the way. Yeah, you can't leave that there. You kind of leave that there. We were drunk, rarely drunk. We were young and we were drunk,

and I was in bed with the lady, and he kept knocking at the door. And his brother, Jack, to put me off and, like, to be like, ah, you're not bed. So I opened the door without, like, redressing and was like, get away. And that's when he seen me cock.

Yeah. I understand. And Harry's accidentally. seeing me coch as well because he stayed in my house fully erect as well my mom's got a theme yeah that's two erections well harry look so here's what i lived in a flat chair with jack my other mate keelan and it was like a duplex right uh and so jack keelan the living room was downstairs me the spare bedroom and a bathroom that was basically just mine were all quite close to each other so my room spare room bathroom yeah so there's a little tiny

corridor here. So for me to walk from my bedroom to that bathroom, you're on display for 1.5 seconds. Harry had stayed in mine. I didn't know he was up. I'd wallop my bed. I had to go and clean my knob. So I walk from my rooms to bathroom completely naked, just as Harry

was getting ready to leave the house. So he was stood in the archway of the spare room and he's seen my fully erect penis. And he's got a pay rise that way. Glistening is the worst. That's the worst. That's the worst word said so far, congratulations.

And I said, good morning to it as well. Really? Like a magpie. Like a Macpie, yeah. Honestly. Now, if you ask me to, I could draw the silhouette, like the, like the Jumpman logo, Pubman, I could draw his fully erect cock as he crossed the corridor and then made eye contact with him and I went morning, like he was a magpie.

Oh, mate. Holy shit. New merch coming. Pump, Mars. I mean, that's a party game in it. Let's draw his, let's draw his cock and see who gets the closest to it. That's a great party game. Do you know?

Fair play. Do I mean? I've seen his bollocks. Yeah, my bollocks come out more than my... I don't understand how that's possible. Because you... Do you wear your underwear that you wear,

do you wear it so it, like, fit your legs? I'm a Y-front guy. Okay, but it fits your legs then? Yeah, yeah. He wears underwear that, like... So when he crouches, his balls is... I've got... Bed kegs?

I've got pendulous ballets. You know, those, like, the old toilets where you pull the chating. Yeah. That's my testicles. Nice. Hi, how old are you? 25. But he's got...

past, we're talking past the cock. Yeah, I've got Benjamin Button bollocks. They're getting at a rate much faster than I am as a person. Right. That's not Benjamin Button. That's not, that's the opposite of Benjamin.

I've not seen the film. Great. When I'm 80. You've seen Open Water? When I'm 80, my bollocks are going to be completely smooth. Right. Reverse age.

Oh, that is Benjamin. Yeah, that's Benjamin. We got it. How long have you all white fronts? Is it always going to think? they're briefs. Yeah, like what, yeah, yeah, yeah. You say Y-fronts.

You lose a bit of credibility. Oh, they haven't got the, now there's no, you know, the, oh yeah, the right, right. Yeah, there's none of that. Yeah, the limbo. They haven't got them. Do you not just have like a bollock pop out

either side? It's not a G-string. Is it a G-string? Many way why fronts are like, like they're cock secure, but, perfectly symmetrical. No.

I started wearing them when I got a peloton and sitting on the peloton on the bike with boxer shorts. It was fucking horrendous. You have to keep lifting out the way. So, wife runs. And then I was like,

do you know what? I think I put them on once to go out at the gym. I'm going to go so. And I was like, I'm wearing them now. Unbelievable. They just keep you on secure.

It just keeps everything in there like a little action man. Yeah. Dan's waiting until he's got a friend in to reveal. Oh no, I'm not. I'm wearing boxes. I thought I was wearing them.

I've got some rebodels. I phoned you. We said. Where they did. The PANN-Bahistee. What's the Pelleton like? I've seen a load of reels and clips and it's just like an American girl going,

come on, what the fuck? Well, there's loads of different people you can pick. There's loads of different. They're like, they're basically like part DJ, part life coach, part personal trainer. Are they all American? No, no, no. There's a English one.

There's a really good English one called Bradley Rose. He's good. But they do the treadmill and the bike now. It's meant, I can't just run or cycle with watching something or listening to something. I have to be, my hand has to be held and I have to be taking through it

or I just stop. Right. Do I mean? So they're like a, they're like a PT. I've got such little respect for authority that like anything like that. He's like,

I'll keep going. I'm like, shut up. Honestly, shut up. Like, I often have a song on and no, I have like me watch or my phone measuring how far I've done

because then I game of fire. So like, I'll be like, right, I'm knackered, but just get to the end of this song. that song finishes. I check me Apple Watch and I'd be like, right, you've done 3.7K,

get to 4. By the end of the next song. No, no, just get to 4. And then you can stop. But I'm lying to myself. And then I get to 4 and I go, well, you're halfway through this song now. Might as well finish this.

Got you. Then you're like, ah. And he runs for six days. It's like Forrest Gung. Just get to the end of this series of friends. Yeah, no, it's good though. Really good. Yeah.

Some of them are awful. Hang on. Do you go, I fancy getting on the Peloton. You switch the screen on. Do you just jump in on a lesson that's already happening? No, no. There's on demand. I don't do the live ones.

It's the live ones. Yeah, there's live ones. They were all live ones. No, no. So there's live and there's loads on demand. I don't do the live ones. I don't know why. Same as sometimes I don't go on online games

because I don't want people on how shite I am. I don't want to go on like an online. Maybe I bought me the fucking leaderboard. I was like, ah! So I go on the on demand ones and then, you know. Hang on the live ones? Other people who are on it know how well you're doing. There's a leaderboard.

Oh, I can get into that. Hey, guys, throw it a high size. We should buy one for the year. Yay. More equipment. That'll be used. I could get on board with that. If everyone else knows how good I am.

Yeah, there you go. If everyone else can see me flying. Your shite, love, turn the camera around. I'll lead this. How you can have the camera on you? Yeah, I don't know how it works. I've never done it. but there's a little,

and you can have the camera on you, like a little switch for the thing. Could you just turn it off and then sit down because the treadmill's going anyway? No, it knows. Yeah, now it knows. I mean, I've often thought how funny it would be if you took the pedals off

and just put like a Makita and just run zh-z-h and just fucking blitzed it. I'd quite enjoy that, yeah. Like Danny, Danny, the result of Matilda. Like with the mile amateur, sending it back ones. Feels like a nice spot for a break. Ooh.

Chris, you on tour? I am, sir, yes. It's loads of stuff that I can't talk about on the podcast. It's loads of stuff that are like, I don't want to be out there on the podcast. I'll just say it on the night, if that makes sense. Loads of things about like when we moved house and stuff. Like the press put me house in the paper when we moved house.

And you don't know that you're at the level for them to do it until they do it and then it's too late. Terrifying. Why? My anxiety. What was the story? This is their new house that they've bought. Here it is.

He has the photos of it. He has a map to it. He has how much it was. Awful. Just an awful thing that happened. And then you go away and you're sitting going, well, I'm not going to tweet, thanks for the show tonight, Brighton, great crowd.

Because anyone with half a fucking brain cell knows that I'm nowhere near me house on my family and there's a map on the internet of how to get to it. It's awful. So I've got like things about like I didn't want to go into about that. And obviously really funny stuff about that as well. That should be illegal. Well, they do it.

They put it on. Surely it is illegal? No, no. They do all the footballers and stuff. So they fucking Rahim Sterling, they did the put his house. And then he got, didn't he have to fly back from one of the World Cup?

because his house got fucking burgled. They've just tied their families up on that, man. Richard Hammond's stuff, like, weirdly just said that. I saw a story this morning and it's like, this is Richard Hammond's new house. I didn't even think of it, but like, it's vile. I don't need to know that.

So then they go, this is their new house. And then the next story, they go, they got robbed and you go, well, fucking wow, well, how the fuck did that happen? Do you know what I mean? So, yeah, so it's like, but we're sort of, we're moved to like a posh area and it just didn't, it just didn't feel right.

So we ended up moving back. And it's just for you. It's just. For you, Chris. He's coming home. He tried Northumberland, not for him. That's excited. It was fucking Northumberland.

Which is a lovely place. And it's, yeah, loads of mad stuff. Like, and it's stuff that I didn't want to... I basically say at the beginning of the show, I say, look, for four years, there's been two files in me in my notes on me phone. There's been podcast and there's been stand-up. And everything that's not allowed to say on podcast

has been putting in stand-up. So that's what you're going to hear in that kind of thing. Right. I'm really enjoying doing it. I hadn't been on two other four years. And you get back on. and it works again and you go, oh my fucking God, yes.

Were you gigging in between at all? A couple of laughs for kids. Like a couple of little gigs. Nothing. I went on laughs for kids, not this year, the year before. Like,

is it not fucking... I got quite heavily into Brazilian jihitutu at the time and that's over. That fulfilled. That fulfilled the bit that I wasn't doing a stand-up. I kind of kept that going. Love, I think I'm going pro.

But yeah. So it, it's... But I'll still, I don't know if you get this. Adam, you definitely won't have this because I think we've got very different opinions on stuff and views of where we'll look at it right. And I'd love to have your confidence, mate. But I think sometimes I'm standing on stage and they're all sitting there listening in the crowd. And I can't fucking believe it.

I can't believe it. And I'm not should be used to it by now. I still can't believe it. That they're all sitting there listening in the crowd. They're all just sitting in it. And they're all smiling and they're listening. And I just have a little outer body experience every time. And I'm like, oh, my fucking God.

Every time. It hasn't gone. It hasn't gone away. I'm looking at them. I'm like, look at you. Like, have you not got anything better to do than come and listen to me? Talk shit. This is amazing.

That must have been worse after you'd had such a big break as well. Well, me, all right. So maybe I'll talk at the end of this two and maybe that might have gone a bit. But the full on romanticism of stand-up is back. Like, it's back for us in a big way. Yeah, but that's never ever for a second left me. Right. Okay.

So, like, first of all, the fact that they're all there, especially if it's my name on the ticket. Yeah. I absolutely get that 100%. I really like I don't know like I maybe this is what you mean

I really enjoy that I know I'm good of controlling them as well right like I know I can go oh we're gonna go over here and then actually we're still over there and I know

I can watch them going oh he's doing this he's doing this no I'm not I'm doing that I really enjoy that what's that table have I done are you fucking else yeah I know what you mean

I know what you mean do I mean yeah So I really, what I enjoy more than anything is really watching an audience. Because like, maybe this is a bit of being neurotic or whatever, but like I really enjoy watching an audience thinking they know what I'm doing. And then going, nah, you're going to fucking clue what I'm doing. Do you know what I mean?

Like, in a sort of magic way. Like, so, yeah. I totally get what you're saying of that all they'd see me. And that's absolutely insane. I really hurt me. by the way. Slap that table like out of our ditty girl. But yeah, like just, I enjoy knowing, oh, like,

and if I take long enough off here, I get like a little bit of nerves going back, like, I'll go to, go to do this, but like, two minutes in, I'm like, ah, no, no, no. Are you noticing a difference now, you're gigging again, because we started this podcast, it blew up. Obviously, Shagmari Denoid is,

as blown right up. Like, it's a huge podcast. But you weren't doing gigs as it was getting bigger. So all of a sudden, there's so many people now buying tickets. You were touring, you were doing great. Now there's people who are like, we know everything you've talked about for five years. It's nuts.

They know everything. They've listened to episodes twice. Yeah, it's almost a deeper connection with the crowd. It's like you're telling stories to your mates. And like, it was always a bit like that. But there was, touchwood, I hope I'm not jinxed. to me sell here. But there's always, even when you're touring, even when you're doing big venues, even when you've got a load TV profile, there's always a couple of arms folded in the crowd.

All right, how way then? But it's less of that now because you've got such an intimate relationship with them. And that's what I think, that's what I love about podcast so much. And I used to get so pissed off and jealous of musicians. You go to see a fucking gig on the night. You listen to their album all that day. And then you go and you listen to them, do them fucking songs. And then the next you play it again in the car and like comedy never had that until podcasts we were never with them when they were ironing or fucking showering or walking the dog now we are and that's what's so meant about comedy podcasts and that's the live gigs are even better now and i think that's why the romanticism has come back for is even more the magic of comedy because they're they like me

fucking mates and the no one i'm like oh and little injokes and little asides they get it even more it's like prop it's like a full fucking hearty meal now and i love it i'm gonna cry Well, on that, let's push that a bit further because you were already flying. Before your podcast, you already had a really successful career, both as a stand-up in telly as well. You were doing well before the podcast. The podcast has taken you to another level.

And what I want to ask you about is, what's it like both from a professional point of view but also from a pride and a personal point of view to have been able to, and I mean this with all of respecting, the world to Rosie, but to take your wife on that journey with you. And I say that, like, not, like, you've been like, oh, I'm going to help my wife out and she, because my missus is obsessed with your podcast.

And I'll be honest with you. She can take or leave you. She fucking loves Rosie. Like, like, like, apps. A lot of that. Yeah. She adores her. Like, I remember a couple of years ago, I was like, I've got to go and do this charity

gig I do in Newcastle, this laughs for kids thing. And she was like, oh, yeah, she was like, oh, yeah, she was like, oh, yeah. I know, Carlson, because he's, like, he gets mentioned loads on, Chris and Rosie.

And I was like, oh, Chris and Rosie probably be there. Chris does it most years. And Rosie normally does it as well. She's normally in a couple of sketches and, like, she'll sing with, like,

and you'd have honestly thought I'd, like, the way, I've gone, oh, by the way, they've done 9-11 again. Like, she, she just,

she was like, oh my God. You're joking. I was like, what do you mean? She's like, Rosie Ramsey's going to be there at this event. And I was like,

yeah, she's like, I've got to come with it. She couldn't get her off work. She, she, she, she,

she thought she was missing her own wedding. It was fucking, or nine 11. Or missing 9-11. Because you react the same. 80 and 22. Um, good. But like,

like, it's an interesting thing because, like me and Dan got Carl involved who's my best mate from school. It was now grown into, like, one of the best producers. And also,

essentially, he's not a stand-up comedian, but he is a comedian. He's on this podcast and his most people who listens to this, Carl's the funniest one. Like, I'm so proud

to have been able to bring me mate in and watch him grow into, not just the role, but go well beyond it and become, you know, an integral part of this. What's that like to do that with Rosie? So, someone asks us a similar question

the idea, but first of all, the best thing about working with her is there is no one in this world who's got my back more than her. And there is no one in this world who's got her back more than me. Like, when we do a show together, we do anything together,

got her back 100% and you know it's not like she's me mate or she's a guy I work with like we we have to have each other's back more than anything which is amazing but I don't know if me I don't know if I took her on the journey with us as much as she carjacked it pushed me into the passenger so he took the fucking wheel and and then we went do what I mean yeah it was like her she was like we need to do a podcast I was like no like I was against the idea of a podcast I was like it's a stupid idea she was like we need to do podcast and we sat down we did a pilot and she's going you umin you're oaring you're aure and you're oaring you're you're not getting to the point because she'd done loads of radio at the time.

She'd done like capital northeast. So she was really good on all of that. And then she's just fucking funny as well. So it's like, honestly, it's something I never could have planned. It's something I never thought would happen. And it like, fuck, it's amazing. Like absolutely amazing.

And I, it can be, you get people who go like, oh, you're working with your misses must be a nightmare that. It's fucking great. It's fucking great. Although we have had to implement a rule again where on podcast days we don't talk to each other at all until we sit down at the mic.

Because we just end up going over fucking bills and school stuff and have you ordered the trainers for the kids and then you sit down and you go, I don't want to do this anymore. What happens if something happens in your day and you're like, oh,

and you go, and you go, oh, do you wait for the part or do you go on and tell her? Because we do that, we do that as friends. We did that as mate and that's hard.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I go, I'm not telling you. The amount of things, I write it down and I go, and she'll go, I haven't told you this, by the way,

and we'll just save it because it's like, you can't just, it's weird because we, We do have an outside sort of relationship outside of the podcast, but when main conversation is what's on the podcast. It's also good quality time in terms of conversation. Great, man.

Because instead of being on your phone and distracted, you just, you go right, for this hour, hour and a half, if you and me chatting. It's good quality time with your partner. It's meant. You also beat us in the Comedy Awards. Sorry. I know.

It literally felt good to just, I know people say that. To just be there was insane. Yeah. They fucking scrap them. Was the last ever won? Yeah. Yeah.

They'll be back. You're reigning champions forever. That's it. We've got, but we did two years on the belt. We've got the two, the two trophies in the house. Can we have one if you've got two? You'll scratch the name. Do you reckon we can say what we were going to say now if we won?

It's public knowledge now. So, do you know, at the time? Yeah. This is exciting. So, this is dark. It is dark. Just edit me out of this, will you? So if we won, we were going to go on stage

and I think it was going to be Carl. We was, like our acceptance speech, if we won, Carl was just going to go on and just go, it's Russell Brand. Nice. Because it was about two or three weeks after Catherine Ryan had been like, there's someone in the UK comedy industry who's a bad guy and we all know about it.

and there was loads of chat and it was in and around that was like oh you know this is the it was the thing and it was but it was before the documentary before the big dispatches thing and we were like there's no actual like libel there if he just go

if he just says that yeah it's Russell Brown that's the whole thing and we just fuck off like didn't get to do with though because you beat us so what I'm glad fucking hell man

you've got no fear you got kids no fear you haven't got kids makes sense you've got no fear you've got the fucking confidence and the zero fear of men who do not have children oh we have less than no fear yeah yeah like it's a dangerous amount of lack of fear

unless you're in open water in which case you shit yourself I just got well I've got like education there more I'm not messing with the water I can say words to people it's not that we've got no fear we've got act of antagonism. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Again, I fucking, I envy it. I wish, I wish I had the bollocks.

I wish I could be, I wish I could be awed as much trouble as possible. Did you ever watch Dick and Don with the bungalow? Do you what the game, Bogies is? Right.

Do you know what it is? No. Dick and Don with TV, kids TV show. Yeah, yeah, and they play a game called Bogies where they go to somewhere you'd have to be quiet,

like a library, and play a game. It's a person who says bogey's the loudest. And it goes up and up. And it goes up and up. boners, it's the same just replaced the words, with boners.

And we, we have got no, we've played that in the Taj Mahal inside. We're banned from a cheese shop in, in the Netherlands. Yeah, we played that in... These are two separate places. This is not called Tarj Mahal. But this was in India.

That is good. Okay. One of the most sacred buildings in the world. And you shouted in there. Just desiccated it. But the other, like, Dan and Finn and maybe Harry

just, they can't handle it. Right. They've got like massive shame and like nerves and just are, I just can't do it. But we feed on the shame. Terrific. Like the shame's the shark and we had the little fish who would eat in the shame. Nice. Although we did play it at the Van Gogh Museum.

And I even, I ruined Carl's Day. Because I just really went for it. And Carl was like, we've got to leave. You start low. That's the game. Yeah. He just went to a thousand when I didn't expect it and just ruined me there. I was also coming down from a horrible day the night before.

Wow. Yeah. So this is the same feeling. I remember when I was younger, I remember watching like Jackass and being like, this is amazing. And I got a bit older on the sort of tail end of Jackass. I think the last movie.

And I just remember thinking, imagine being on holiday with these knobs. And I've just had exactly the same. Exactly the same feeling. Do you know what? Just a couple of hours at the beach really helps. It's going on your own. He just leaves us.

I love him. I love him. But you just need to sort of release the pressure valve once or twice a day. I couldn't bear it. That's fucking awesome. Oh, he just absolutely leaves us. Yeah, yeah. Because we'll just...

They'll love him. Just can't, you know. I understand. There's only so many times you can play bonus in the Taj Mahal, you know what I mean? I do believe that's one and done. We were. Yeah. You don't kill a man Giro.

Recently, you'll see that. Yeah, open air. Less worrying. Yeah, yeah. That was true. Let's do some have-words. I'm playing a jingle. It's just a weird silence for you.

I just feel like they like the jingles, mate. I'm a bit OCD. I love the board. Anonymous says, Have a word with my brother, Isaac. He eats every single meal using only a spoon. He has a special spoon that he doesn't let anyone use. That's the whole bit of correspondence.

How old's Isaac? This is just autism, isn't it? Senica's got a... So we've got old forks and we've got new forks and she will not use the new ones. She... Whenever I give her tea

with her old... She's like, give me my fork. We've got two sets of cutlery in my house. There's like the... There's cutlery that's got like... I can't... Like perfectly cylindrical handles. That's what she wants?

Yeah, yeah. So there's them and then there's another set that I've got like flat handles, yeah? So the flat handles go in another drawer across the other side of the kitchen island and them going this one. And I am fucking, I'm fuming if they're in the wrong drawer.

Sort of flex there. Kitchen Island. Yeah. Other side of me. Move to the northeast pal. Come on. Other side of the kitchen. So like,

but if I'm, so if I'm just having some beans on toast, the flat cutleries absolutely fine. If I'm having a nice pasta, it's got to be the cylindrical handle. She wants the posh stuff, no matter what she's having. Oh, come on.

You can't have a little pot noodle, can you? What do you? Literally. If I get, she got, what do you don't get the fire? Why have you not just got one,

type of thing. Because we've got new forks. Yeah, we've got, you got, you got the same as the last stuff. Because it was wedding gift. Didn't sell them anymore. It's my thing. Didn't sell them anymore. When I, when I moved in, so it's just me and me misses.

Yeah. We went to Marks and Spencers and you know, you can get like, it's a, like a 24 piece set. So you get like four teaspoons, four spoons, spoons, four knives, four for forks. Mm-hmm. I just got three packs each of them. I respect that. So I've got 12 of everything. I like that.

There'll never be that many people in my house eating dinner, ever. So I could literally have like eight people over and have yesterday's cutlery in the dishwasher. That's what we've got. We've got time. But I was like, it all needs to be exactly the same. That's the thing, though, because 24 piece set you go,

that's perfect. It's only four teaspoons. What's going on there? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's how they get you. And Laura's, we had the same bowls. We've got the same bowls for ages, bought some new bowls,

and now she's trying to stack the new balls on the old bowls. Oh, God. What are you doing? It's just painful. How are you having divorced there yet? It's mad, you know. It just needs to a pain. Painful. I love it when the dishwasher is loaded and hasn't finished.

I almost want it to happen, so there are no bottles left. So I get to eat cereal out of a jug. Right. I fucking love it. I thought you're going to see it opening it right as it's finished and getting a free facial. Hang on. I enjoy that.

Can you just, just for me? A measuring jug. Say everything again. One of them big, she's, I don't bake. A pirate. A pyrrex jar. Fuck. With the red numbers on.

Yeah, see-through. Pyrid action. You make big cereal in that. See-through? It better be see-through. The point of a non-see-through jug. How much is in that? Good thinking.

How much is in that? About a kilo. Heavy. So you, if your dishwash is on, you haven't got enough bowls. If all the bowls are in, how many bowls have you are? Five, five, five,

six bowls. Five? Have you just been in cereal that week? No, but then we've got the noncy pasta balls. You know, you can't have serial out of that. Yeah, low and wide. I would never open the dishwasher. Are you mad?

I do that regularly. Are you scared to the dishwasher mid-dishwash? Yeah. For a man who's scared of open water, you're seeing pretty fucking hell-bent on flooding your house. Madness. I wouldn't do it with the washing machine because that feels like the house will explode.

But if you open the dishwasher, it stops and you just take... Yeah, but you don't interrupt it. What if it forgets where it was up to? You can't do it with the washing machine. There's a lock. Oh, yeah. No, after anything, we press a button,

you can put a sock in. Miss an item button. Really? Oh, I've not put the socks in. What, mid-wash? Yeah, press the button, it stops. But then your socks are only half-washed? I don't think it matters with socks.

But you have a missing item button on mine. Literally the second dirtiest out of my clothing you can wear, but okay. Behind that's. I was going to see underpants, but whatever. By the way, bold, bold, fucking, bold politics. My house is massive. Bowls are so important.

Are we letting him get away with this? He has Pynax measuring jug cereal. I swear to God, right? I'm going to try that. I feel like the height and the depth of it would be a lovely little treat. It's half a box of shirios. Do I nearly bought, right? It got advertised to it was on Instagram.

I nearly bought. It was like a, almost like a protein shaker, right? But it was, it was sectioned off. And one part you put cereal in, and the other part you put milk in and you just lifted it and you're like that,

and a full mouthful of perfect amount of milk and cereal went into your mouth. I want to link. So you can take cereals away with you? Yeah, well, I want it for on tour. Have I tried to ask a fucking hotel? You get to a hotel at midnight.

All they do you're fucking tica masala or a cheese toasty, but you ask for some cereal, that's like you're asking for a kidney. You go on, I know this is going to be on the breakfast table in six hours. Just go and get some. Oh, no, we'll do a ticker masala hour

or a fucking... Hang on 12-inch margarita for you. So it's midnight, pig. It individually does a little mouthful. Do you know what I mean? It does an individual mouthful. Yeah, like a... You know what I are?

In the way it's sectioned off, the right... Like, a little cluster of cornflakes will fall in and just the right amount of milk. And then... So it's almost like you've done a spoon worth. I'm almost... Yeah, so you don't get soggy cereal.

Yeah. Because it stays apart. Yeah, yeah. That's the best bit. I forgot about that. Crunchy cereal. Fresh milk. I want in on that.

What was wrong at this con? Eat a spoon. He's got... He's just got... Yeah, he's a... Okay? Sorry, I haven't taken me meds. He just likes a spoon.

Same spoon. Exclusively a spoon. When I eat food with a spoon, except for cereal, I'll use normal spoon, but every other one I use a teaspoon. I like smaller little bites. Soup? Yeah?

No. No, no. I don't eat soup, really. I use bread. I have soup. What happens when you've run out of bread? Then you eat it. like a little French peasant boy.

How'd you eat a French peasant boy? Carl, are you all right? What? Did you just throw an empty bottle in a bin that loud? Fucking big dick energy that like. Oh, big dick energy, big time. I didn't want to miss, man. Yeah, but like, yeah, and ice cream.

It's got to be little, because otherwise I just eat too. Like, I eat with Dan a lot. and I just get food on me all the time. You're using a slow feeder like I do for my dog. Yeah. Yeah, I need like... We need to get you a lick, Matt. They're great, by the way, for the dogs.

Well, like, gerbils have. Like, you can't eat it quick enough. It slows them down. Yeah. So, like, a pasta dish that you have a spoon for, you'd have a teaspoon? I don't think I'd ever have... Where was you...

Use a spoon for pasta? It's a tweler. And I just cut it up. Hmm. There's so many of these, moments where we all just stare at Harry after a piece of something. I'm honestly, I'm mesmerizing. I kind of get it, I kind of get it like, like, ice cream with a big old dessert spoon is a bit much like, so I kind of understand getting the teaspoon now and then. Makes it last longer.

There's a little place next to me that does these little individual cheesecakes and I'll, I'm not going at that with a dessert spoon. No chance. No, yeah. A goo pot. I have a teaspoon. Oh, yeah. Even a fork, a little fork. We've got little, in the third cutler you draw on the other side of the island. Come to Chris Ramsey's Cucklery well. Does it taste better with the fork? That's a fact.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Cake takes better with the fork. I do sticky toffee pudding sometimes with a fork. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

And if the ice cream has a melody yet, you can just chop it in half. Go on it like mash. What if you got custard right down? You're getting custard on your sticky toffee pudding? Each to the row and run, but I'd know how I roll. I like the cold.

I like the cold in the hot. So I prefer a double cream over in a nice stream, the cold. Right, okay, so you're going right down the middle there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cold custard with a sticky toffee pudding. Absolutely, not hot custard. Uh, double cream, like, really cold double cream with a cheesecake.

That's on Nando's server. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A gooey caramel cheesecake at Nandos? Oh, I don't, man. Yeah. You're a Nandoz man as well, aren't you? Yes, I was, yes. I'm too, too uncool now.

Lost my black card. Oh. Did he revoke? You had for six years. You had a black car for Nandos? I'm so sorry. Hutchie had one for a year. Yeah, I remember when Carlson had one as well.

Shane Todd. Why did he revoke it? Do you not go enough or you go too much? I imagine I got, so I didn't get it revoked for anything. They're just, like, refresh it every year and you have to go and meet them and have a chat. I just think they thought, fucking hell, he's just, he's like 39, he's like got kids and that.

Well, this was years ago, I think they were just like, he's not cool enough anymore. How often were you going? Because Black Card is it up to six people? Five, high five. Right. That's what it was called. So five people.

Deserts, starters, sides, sides. Maine's non-alcoholic drink. I know someone, I'll tell you who it is after the podcast, I'm not telling you on the podcast, but I know someone who had one,

and he went, he had it for a year, and he went, and this is not an exaggeration, every day. You know, you've just told us Carl Hutchins that one for a year.

Carl was terrified to use his. Every day, every day, took his kids and his wife, every day. There's not an exaggeration on that. If it was open, he was there at tea time.

every day. And they were like, what the fuck? And they took it off them. You've got to respect it, though. Yeah. Get it while you can, literally. You should have stocked up before they just go and got like,

yeah, 17 Nando's meals and that froze them or something. Yeah, yeah. If you knew they were going to revolt. I should have thought of heck. I was fucking sick of it by the end, but I do love Nandoz. I do.

I remember going in once with the Black Card and I bumped into Paul Chowdry, you know, Paul Chowdry, Paul Chowdhue's in Edinburgh Nando's. It was a really odd interaction. I remember back on. I was like, you're all right, he's like, yeah. And I went, uh, you're doing you?

Just get Nandoz, in it? I went, all right, yeah. He went, it's my birthday. And he's on his own in Nandos. And I'm right, I get you, if you want, you now, I've got black card. He was like, oh, sound, yeah. I was like, yeah, yeah, I got me. And then you got it.

And I was like, this is the end of my fringe. And I was like, hi birthday. He's like, yeah. He was up until I did a TV show with him a couple of years ago. Was he the only interaction I'd ever had with him? Got him namos for his birthday. I think a question we asked ages ago was what would you have for Black Cardford if you could?

Like what shop or like restaurant would you have it for? You what, your first draft pick? Five guys. I think five guys with my wife, she's obsessed. No, Derek's. If there's one near me, Derek's. I'm now a Derek's guy. We deserve one, by the way.

They should do that. I think they're doing a giveaway of some sort of like their fifth birthday. I think they're giving some like golden tickets. It's a way where like you get a certain amount. them. Can I have a black card for the S-O garage? Near mine. Is that a petrol? Yeah. It's not a bad shout

that, you know. I've just bought a three-liter diesel engine the wrong time. Yes. Do you if that's really bad? As the war kicks off, we've got a big BMW. What straight if they're just closed again? Yeah, fucking idiot. I think Mahis is hard to be, you know?

For a comic, for someone who's like, somewhere that's open. It's already cheap, though. Yeah. You're not as cheap as you think. anymore. Because in your head, it's the old, it's the old prices

and then you don't really notice because you're beeping. But if you sit and think about it, it's so much more expensive than it, like, so much more expensive. It's a tenor for a large meal.

Yeah. In my head, it's £6.50, because that's what it was for a bit. But it's not. Boeing. They make the planes. They don't sell...

So you get a black card on getting seven, four sevens delivered to your house. Buy a couple of air buses, man. Flog them on the black market. You're in profit? You spend on nandand.

There was a fella, I think it was American Airlines or Delta or one of them. And he bought, in like the 80s, I think he spent like 10 grand. There's a quarter of a mill. Was it? Yeah, but he made the money back because he just. Oh, like he blitzed it. Like, he bought an unlimited first class ticket. Like, he paid for it.

And they eventually, like, found a way to legally cancel it on him. Because it was a lifetime ticket. But he was flying first class like five times a week. he was just like, I'm just going to fuck up to Delaware for a bit. They loved him as well. All the staff loved him

because he was a dead nice guy. Delaware. Holiday in Delaware. That would be a good one, no flight to be a good one. Petrol's a great challenge. What if it's just food? I think at Macchies

is hard to be. If it's food, you know. Machies, because you can take all the boys as well. It's a popular one. No one's really upset by him. You could go back to the fucking old school and do your birthday at Macchies and have Ron on McDonald's hair.

KFC be a good one. Wimpy? Wimpy. FFC's just not got the opening hours for me. 10 o'clock short. You can't bank on it, can you? Five guys, though, I think,

Wagamama, I don't do like a Wagamama. No one else. I feel like, that's the natural little love where we say, have you got to have a word for us, Chris? Yes, and it's because, again, I'm currently on tour and me and Carl Hutchinson and I live in each other's pockets,

and this happened today, and I was thinking, I was like, I have to have a word for them. There's many things he does that irritates us, but the most, and so I've got a, also got a new, a tech person onto a, a young lady who's called Lucia, who's tech as well. And even though she, like, is quite, keeps herself to herself, she was furious when I told her

this about Carl. So we play Mario Kart World on the switch two in the back of the van as we're driving around. Are we familiar? Yes. Carl, we've played it for years. Carl's a 30-year-old man, and he still has the little thing on the back of the car that means you can't go off the map. It keeps you on the track. Cheating. That's disgusting. So we call it the stabilises. We call it the stabilisers.

So we play Mario Cotwell together. He will regularly win. Yeah, of course. Like he fucking blitzers and he will not, we'll call it the stabilisers. He will not take it off. And even Lucia, I went, I was like, he was in the stabiliser.

She was like, oh my fucking God. Like, it's disgusting. His titles are invalid. Sure. He's a one editing. Is Juventus? Like city? Different areas.

at the same point. That's a disgrace. So I'm gone. That's really pathetic. Does that mean you race him and he's got the moment but you haven't? Yeah. So I can't go off the map

and he can't go off the map. I'd refuse. He can't. So I've watched his screen sometimes. You can't be taking him on on Rainbow Roadman. That's over for you. Me?

It's unbelievable. Like I watch, I watch his screen somewhere and he's just heading to the edge and it just pulls him back in and no loss of speed. It just fucking guides him back in like a hand of God.

Why are you playing them? Just like you need to throw in the session. Freeze them out. Because I say it when I say, listen, take them off because it's not, it was able if I take them off, it's not fun, I won't enjoy it. Now, Chris, is there any argument for you just putting your stabilises on or do you just choose not to live like that?

He's a man. He's a good old man. I'd rather die. Very strong stance on Super Mario will. Also, you go into his realm then as well. Like, Carl is a master of the stabilizers. Like, Chris isn't going to win then. Yeah.

Maybe not. From a stabilised man. Oh, listen. I have stabilisers on everything. It's disgusting. Isn't it disgusting? It's a disgrace. You shouldn't be playing him.

Yeah. At this point it's a, a fill you five million times thing. You just have to stop playing with this man. That's not acceptable at all. Some long car journeys, man. We did four and off hours yesterday. Grumpy protesting, I'm not playing.

No, I'm not playing. You'll play with your fucking stabiler. Well, you should say to him, listen, we'll turn it off for three races. Stayblazers off. If you beat me twice, you can keep one forever. And then let him win. All right, okay.

Okay. Okay. Did you, were you mates with Carl? before you started stand-up. Because when I hosted Beat the Frog, you were already, like, driving down from the North East together. So I wanted to,

I wanted to bring this up as well. I'm glad you've brought this up. So first of all, yes, but we were mates before. And me and Carl, we met me and were 14. And, like, yeah, and we had, like, friendship group beforehand.

And then we knocked around together, went on, like, lads holidays and stuff together. And Carl was the person who phoned me one day and went, I'm going to do comedy. And I was like, like, I can't describe what it felt like. It was like, it was,

I didn't know there was a route from man on the street. to man in the theatre. I didn't know until he went, oh, yeah, you can turn up these places and do this stuff, and that was Beat the Frogger.

But when he phoned us and told us, the fucking panic of like, you need to do this, this fucking second was like unbelievable. But whenever I think of Beat the Frog, do you know, we used to come down,

was me calling another, and we used to come down. And I remember a conversation we had on the way back because Dan used to host Beat the Frog and you were fucking incredible, right? Like, incredible.

You've seen him in his head here, host and unreal. I'm over conversation on the car the way back going, well, it's just not fucking fair when he's hosting because I mean, it's just what you're supposed to do

when that fucking Dan Nightingale's on? It's just, it's fucking unplayable. How are we? How are the brand new people supposed to go on and get anything after he's fucking being there? It was a genuine, until a new year,

it was a genuine bone of contention like not that fucking prick. It's unplayable once he's been on. Very good. They had some playable compels. as well, didn't he?

Oh, some seriously playable comp. Beatable on the night. Some cold room company. Yeah, it was literally, I remember calls, auntie's house once and she was on it as well, I mean,

it's just too good. It's just a certain. There's just nothing left in the room. Should we call on a podcast? That is a pod, ladies and gents. Chris Ramsey.com. Chris Ramseycom. Wasn't quick enough.

Thisramseycomedy.com. It's just the comedy guy. There's a magic. one in Canada apparently. Chris Ramseycom.com. and yeah, thank you very much for having. It's been a pleasure like you. You're very, very welcome. Has Finn got a song? Yeah, this is a band called the David Costrell

Experience. No, we're not going to a song. Go listen to Paddha or something, but no we're not got a song. No song, go and watch Maddat and give us some love, please, thank you. Appreciate your lids. Thanks, Chris. Bye, for you.