Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #377 with Matt Richardson - Have A Word w/Adam, Dan & Carl

Episode Date: April 18, 2026

Tickets, merch and loads more available on our website! https://haveawordpod.comHAW x Stars In Their Eyes Tickets: https://www.skiddle.com/e/42247092Tickets for Have A Word Live shows as well as Adam and Dan's tours and previews:Adam's Tickets: https://www.adamrowe.comDan's Tickets: https://dannightingale.comCarl's Stream || https://twitch.tv/senseicarl_Finn's Music & Tickets: https://finnlayk.co.ukCherry (Live at the M&S Bank Arena): https://finnlayk.lnk.to/CherryArenaAs Adam and Dan said, don't miss out on all of our extra content, we've got one of the best value Patreons in the game. An extra 90+ minute episode every week plus loads of bonus content such as the now infamous Lockdown Lock-ins, the Nashville & Amsterdam specials and our Ghost Hunts! What are you waiting for? Sign up now at https://patreon.com/haveawordpod​Get subscribed to Have A Word Highlights: https://youtube.com/haveawordhighlightsListen to Finn's new EP: https://finnlayk.lnk.to/AllInYourMindThanks to this week's sponsors:Heights | https://heights.com/haveawordEnter code HAVEAWORD20 at checkout for 20% off your first month!Manscaped | https://manscaped.com20% off with promo code: WORD20NordVPN | https://nordvpn.com/haveawordEXCLUSIVE NordVPN Deal ➼ https://nordvpn.com/haveaword Try it risk-free now with a 30-day money-back guaranteeLovehoney | https://lovehoney.co/word_podcastLove how you love and take 20% off sitewide to unlock sexual happiness and discover a happier you with promo code: AFF-WORD20Saily | https://saily.com/haveawordDownload SAILY in your app store and use our code HAVEAWORD at checkout to get an exclusive 15% off your first purchase or go to https://saily.com/haveaword 🌍ADAM ROWE and DAN NIGHTINGALE are two award winning comedians from Liverpool & Preston, respectively. They are two of the UK's most highly regarded stand-ups and have both performed all over the world. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What's happening lids? I've got some absolutely class news and a little plug for me tour that I just haven't been banging on about enough to be honest with you. It went on sale a while back. Ticket sales are absolutely flying to the point where we've added two new dates to my tour.

Tour doesn't kick off till October. All current dates are on adamrode.com at UK. They're on sale now, but there's two brand new dates about to go on sale. On Saturday, the 24th of October, we're adding a second London show. This one's going to be at the O2 Forum in Kentish Town, and we're adding a second show at the Liverpool Empire

on Saturday the 14th of November. Both of those shows go on sale on Saturday the 25th of April at 10am, all on Adam row.com.com.com. You can also get them at LiveNation.com. Go and get some tickets. Come and see me on my fashionism tour. And if those two dates don't work for yet, there's already a loaded dates on sale that you can go and check out right now.

now include Manchester, Birmingham, Cardiff, Glasgow, Newcastle. We're going all over the place and we're working on adding more dates as we go along. The first two editions, a second London date, a second Liverpool date, and there's already a load on sale. Adam row.com.com.com. New dates on sale. Saturday, the 25th of April at 10 a.m. Come and see us. And enjoy the episode. It was about it. You're listening to the funniest podcast in the game From the Heart of Liverpool

With Adam, Dan, Sensei Carl and Finn This is the one and only Have a word! This episode is brought to you by NordVPN The very best in protecting your online activity Go, Ed, get on me Hello, mate, hey how are you all right? Yeah, you look all right.

Yeah, thanks, man, I feel good, you know what I mean? Got a little mid-layer on. Yeah, a little mid-layer on. Yeah, a little mid-law. It's not quite layer season, you know, but it's not going to. We're kind of not left layers season. Chili, I think still. It's still layering season.

Because in the springtime, you want to put a layer that you can take off. It's a bit too too. Talk off. I want to tuck it off. Hello, this is however word? What's happening? Are you all right? I mean, he did steering wheel on the way home last night, so, you know.

You've got a heated steering wheel. I had to turn it on last night. Chillianz. What have you become? Carl. You know before when you were like, I've got to say. Because sick. You've got one?

Yeah, it's got a heat seat. Mine's got a massage seat. Same. Oh, I fucking love it. Why are these fucking 3,000? I've got both in my can and I don't turn them on out of masculinity principle. It's going down there all with warm hands getting your back rubbed. It's like wearing gloves when you play footy.

You save it for the French. What about John Barnes? Did he wear gloves? Did he wear short sleeves and gloves, didn't he? It was an odd one. Did he? Like Maras. Sure, he did.

Didn't John Barnes make gloves, Dan? Come on. No, not in midsummer. Maybe in layering season. He's laying on his hands up. Not in midsummer when he was out solving the latest mirror. Longsleeving gloves occasionally. Fucking white women.

Occasionally, there's like three pictures of it and it's in snow. I think fair enough. What did you say that? Must have been certain good. I heard he likes a snow buddy. You know? He's easy. What?

John Barnes' misses is from Dovecot. Oh, he's married? Did you say Snow Bunny? Yeah, yeah. Which is a white lady user who goes for... Isn't there an interview where he's got some like porn in the background? No, it's a book on a bookshelf, like a porn bookshelf. I mean Shannon Sharp.

Didn't he do an interview or something? Yeah, I mean Shannon Sharp, yeah. Didn't he do an interview? He wore gloves, mate. What am I googling here? John Barnes, porn in the back or something. It was John Barnes wear gloves. It was get round the bus.

Yeah, yeah, I couldn't get that. I couldn't, I couldn't think of the lyric. My dad went to go to Alfie Bow with John Barnes. Sorry?

What's going on? I mean, he didn't go with, he just happened to be sat like next to John Barnes. He didn't go with, well, I was the UFC with Donald Trump once then. Well,

the issue was, so for his birthday, we were going to buy him, he said he always wants to watch, like, opera at the fill. He was like, that seems really classy. I've never got to do that.

So we were like, Alfie Bow's at the Phil. We'll buy you tickets. And then my step-mom was like, he likes to go on his own to think i get that respect the game yeah so we got him one meet and greek ticket with alfie beau and he went and he went no he turned up and he went why why the fuck have you got me one ticket like i wanted to i'd love to have sat with someone but we were like no but we thought we'd splash out so you can meet alfie beau and then alfie beau wore jeans in a liverpool

top and sang like um the greatest showman you was next to john barn so he so he went with john You were John Barnes? I was having a great time. I've got the facts for the John Barnes things we were after. Thank you. There's two. There's two facts. And here we are with Finn's facts. Number one, he shared a screenshot from his phone and on the camera roll there was lots of porn.

On the bottom. Yeah, yeah. And then also he did an interview about racism on Sky News with a bookshelf full of porn DVDs behind him. Yeah, that's what... Respect. That's what we're in mind. Respect, respect again.

Porn DVDs in the year of 2026, I mean, it's probably a few years ago, but still. There might be VHSs. Yeah, like vinals to win me. He likes to put them on the big screen. Porn on vinyl. Got emotionally attached to it. Oh, this was one of the great.

Keep that. What did you want to talk about? I don't think it was that, was it? Before we start, like, sometimes before we start an episode, one of us will go, I've got sort and I want to bring up to the start of the episode. Carl did that today. Wasn't John Barnes's,

born collection, was it? It wasn't, which is a gold album name. Me and Finley's looking at flat now in the city centre. In the Titty Center? In the Titty Center. That's what it's going to be like. He's going to call it, Finley's Titty Center. Finley?

Full mate. Nice. He called me when I am going to really come with me. Because when you do something like that, it's always nice to have someone to bounce off and, you know what I mean? We were riffing. Just, yeah. Can't practice wrestling on your own

No, it's weird Because they're like, what are you doing? This is a house view and stop wrestling But if you made it in the like Golf with it, they just think you were a young gay couple There was Harry came as well

I brought Harry on this one So there's three of us And the dog And the dog She was the spit of Joe Zutherland By the way That wasn't a dog The Wallace

Wallace Kaye There was a full stop there The lady showing us around the flat Was the spit of JoJo Sutherland Yeah, she was Yeah. Okay. To the point

when I thought it was there, and I thought, wow, what a weird. Great storyteller. He's really bad. I honestly think pound for pound. Like,

for audience compared to how much, how many, but how many people listen to his stories, I think pound for pound, he's the worst stories that are in the will. Let me stop it twice because I need to let 1.2% of the listeners know

who she looks like who will get the reference. It's not only bad at telling his own stories. He ruins other people's stories with his own interjections where he'd go off on a tangent and the story's like you need a tangent to you correct we're Joe Suzzle in there get to the get to it come on so we're walking there and there was a girl stood on the corner of the the road where the flat was and she was just like looking round like she was waiting for somebody shady looking up the road looking up

she was a in the flat mid 20s slightly latina looking lady oh I saw she was Asian you can only see the back of her head okay I saw the front And she just... An Asian back of her head. She just went... She looked up, she's like, oh, like, waiting for someone and she went, like, tottered

and then just threw an egg over the shoulder and walked off. Like, into the air, the egg just landed... There's someone there, they got to buy an egg. And then just walked into the flat where Finn was viewing. And, yeah, walked in,

livid as well, the estate age. It was like, I thought something was wrong with her. It's like... So she was waiting to do an egg in... Yeah? And then someone didn't turn up. Yeah. She went...

And I just lobbed an egg over the head. And I'm so happy. be sore it because no one would have believed me. I don't believe either, do you? It was so... The egg is still be there, I imagine. It hasn't rained. Maybe it was like one of those like... It hasn't rained. It rained all night.

I did rain loads. The egg shell then? It might still be in the gutter. Oh yeah, they did rain loads. Might still be in the gutter the eggshell. It might be one of those like, you know, like meet me at sundown like duels. Like they used to do in cowboy times, but with eggs. Doodles? Are you nervous about moving to the big city? No, because I pretty much spent most more time here anyway.

Yeah, but like... It's just going to save me a lot on hotel. and driving. Big city coch, man. Yeah. Yeah. I've got that. Do you know,

we've got a big Tesco. We, real hasn't got a big test. I know. The nearest one's in for starting. Which is, I'm not having to go to the next town over to go to Tesco. We've got.

What a fucking existence, Stan is. We've got to the next town over. We need milk. We've got Morrison's Aldi and Sainsbury's. The Holy Trinity. It's a decent Sainsbury. It's a big coch.

Why city centre? Just because I thought about I thought about the Spanish quarter of heightened for a bit Yeah And then decided against it just because if I'm gigging all the time midweek I want to be able to walk to my gigs and walk back And not have to use the car Yeah

It's fair And also like I feel like town All my friends from Liverpool hanging out in town Also you're 27 If you're going to live in a city centre Yeah for a couple of years

Yeah you're in the the zone where it makes sense. I did two years in time and I loved all of it, but I left at the exact right time. Yeah, when I left, I was like, oh, I'm glad I did that. And I don't want to do it again. Yeah. But I reckon it's the right time. Yeah.

It's the right time. Can't wait see you grow. Yeah. I'm going to be six foot four. No, just, I think you're going to grow in confidence. You've still got that like real energy. Do I mean? I want to see like a bit of like, I live in a city, me.

Rather than just, I live by the seaside with my mom. It's just, it's time. I do say that. That's my catchphrase. You pull the back of my string, I say, I live by the seaside with my mum. Thanks for coming to see me, playing my music live.

This first song is called I live on a seaside boat with my mum. But you can meet a girl in town and be like, the shag pad's there. I mean, I've been doing that for a while just with a hotel. No, but you're like, yeah, man.

My digs are over there. Diggs! Yeah, yeah. The pad's just around the corner. Yeah, sex is going to be. too easy for you. So you've got to make it more difficult by fucking up by, yeah.

You want to come for a bonk in my digs? Don't worry, no taxi for us. The pad is me four minute walk away. What would you do in that situation? Let's say, let's say you end up in a flat by like,

by the Philharmonic, right? So you got to Abman Street there. Hill. Alfie's a hill. And one night you're in motel. You're having a jive with a young lady. right? You love a jive.

And you have a little jive. Yeah, yeah. And then you're like, hey, do you want to get another drink or go somewhere else? You pick the accents on as well. Hey, yeah, hello, love. I'm Flambe.

Is this before or after you've sung with the band? I think this is after. Hold on to your tits, love. I'm a semi-professional musician. Hold on. Just a small town boy. Living on the seaside. No, no, but do, bo, bo, bo, bo.

No, anymore. I've got digs around here. I've got digs around here. If you want a pussy pounding, I'm just around the corner. Have I picked up the South Liverpool accent if I'm living in town? Because you're a triad, mate. If you don't want the North one's a lot. No one ever picks up the North one.

No. Like, it's why people call people from the South Liverpool walls, because you can sort of collect that. Yeah. People who haven't seen me for a while, like from real say I sound scouse now, which I don't think I do adults. You don't talk about a bit. I don't.

But anyway, wrong crowd. Yeah, lad you too, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you're one of us. For, asking scousers to accept you. I'll tell you, he's wolves. Them cunts on the other side of the street. You're a bad, John, Ed.

You're having a GI for this girl. You're like, hey, girl, can I get you another, you know? Malibu and pineapple? Can I get you another, a malbubin pineapple? Do you want to go up to chicken bazooker and get our tea? Oh, nice. Do you don't know chicken booca? The fuck is chicken bazooka?

They would never be... Chicken bazooka by the way. What can I get into chicken bosca? Chicken bassook is there. Order! Order! What's chicken? Oh, it's on Duke Street.

Is it? No, it's why I'm looking at a different flat. It's literally underneath it. Oh, class. Tell everyone where he's going to live? No, he's not. No, no. What are they going to do?

Hang around. Throw eggs. And this girl's like, I'm not hungry, me, me. Me, me. You know, I wouldn't mind another drink, but I'd rather just go and have a little, fuck if that's all right with you. Oh, she's direct.

She is. I like that. I like that. I'll taste it. I do like that. Yeah, yeah. Piss. And you're like, okay, girl, then get your cousin, your handbag and your umbrella,

and we'll get going. It's Mary Poppins. I suppose I'll go to, I suppose I've got a cloak room. I hope you've got your raffle tickets. Collect your belongings. Where's me sure? Hang on, Finn.

I want to fucking, like, the next one. woman, but I seem to have lost one of my broaches. Hang on, Finn. Stop the karaoke. Wake fin. That's a vintage brooch. If everyone could just look around them.

She lives on Penny Lane. I love a bit of paraphernalia and a good fucking. So you get it outside. Yeah. We're on Fleet Street. It's sprinkling the brain. Yeah. Not here yet.

So it's, it's sprinkling, you're like, right, well, we'll just go for a short walk, then. I live up by the Philharmonic hall, me. And she goes, oh, Jesus Christ. She's never been out before. It's both of the, it's two of the only Beatles who are live talking to you live. I've saved money on a minicab. She's like, oh, Jesus Christ, that ill at this time. And I's, how big is she?

How big is it? Harvesty, it's quite a hill. It's a hill. It's hard to pay the house. Yeah, you've done Kelly. She goes, oh, my dogs are barking, son. I don't know whether... That's it.

I don't know whether I can manage the other this time. And I haven't had me tea. Why she's still... She still driving. You can hear the carry-out. You still hear it. And then you're like, well, you know, I always walk home. That's why I didn't end up in the Spanish quarter of heightened.

Because I always, like, walk her home to and from my gigs. And she's like, well, because you make an exception and get us on Uber. would you get at an Uber? From Motel to the Phil? Yeah. And it's only a sprinkle of rain? Yeah.

Nah, I'd give her a piggyback. Wow. She still get wet? She'd get more wet, in fact. Exactly. Whoa. Why would she get more wet? She get his wet as well.

I mean? What? He'd be dry and she'd be double wet. It doesn't rain twice as much over it. Yeah, she would. Instead of them both being wet, he's dry and she must be double wet. She's not waterproof. truth. Exactly.

I don't think you should ever give a girl a piggyback to her fuck. Also, the amount of clothes has got on, you'll be able to pick it up. Oh, yeah. I've got about six cups. The brooches are going to weigh me down. Her help for heroes badge. Stop by the Salvation Army, so I'm going to have a new but oh,

she sounds great. I think we need to stop the karaoke. That's a vintage broocham merchant. Stop the karaoke, you feel. No, I'm not getting her an Uber. That's lazy. That's disgusting. It's a 10 minute walk, if that. Yeah, for a man with trainees on.

Yeah, but I could, I would, I have carried the girl before. Yeah, eight inch. Oh, you love eight inch heels. No. She's, wait, hold on, I missed a bit. Sixth in a year. She's got eight inch heels on. She's mad.

So she's towering above me. No, she's a dwarf normally. So. Damn it, you see my hinge profile. She's a dwarf in heels with loads of coat on. They like love. Am I leathered? What's going on?

Maybe there's two dwarfs on top of each other so they get double wet. And that's what the big coat's for. They've got all the clothes because they went to cinema earlier, a little two for one deal. I'd get an Uber for two dwarves in a big coat. Yeah, I would. Well done, Finn. Thanks for clearing that up.

Really good. God, you've come on a long one. You've got old one. What are you most excited about? Just the lack of commute. Yeah. Yeah. spend a lot of time driving at the minute.

So it would be nice to not have to drive. You put your mom in a home. Yeah. She's done. She's 63 and she's done. Yeah, finished. Sorry about that, mum.

That's news to you, but you're done. Sorry. Yeah, but it's no mortgage. Hang on. She's paid off a mortgage. You can't get it in a fucking home then. You take the house.

This is the family home. It's been in the family for over 100 years. Just a hundred years. It's been in the family for over 100 years. About 100 years. How many generations have lived in it? Three or four? Wow.

Yeah, my mum grew up in that house. It was a B&B for a while There's like buttons in some of the bedrooms Where you can press for like room service Is it an old Victorian building? Yeah, it's an old house. I don't know why you're moving out So have you ever, have you fucked in your house?

Yeah. Your nan's fucked in that house? And if it's four generations, you great, nan? That's nice. This is probably in the same room. It's nice to ponder, isn't it? Thanks for that, guys. A whole load of ancestors, fucking.

Yeah. What are you leaving your mum? What do you mean? Like when I moved out, like I bought mum a dog. Like a car bought a cut out of me. I bought her a dog and she bought the other ones. Oh, that's good.

That's good thing too. She's got a cat. Oh, right. She's fine. Get her a couple of guinea pigs. We had guinea pigs. They died pretty soon after each other. One had a heart attack in my hands.

They either died of a broken heart. Yeah. So did the first one. Yeah, no. Gus had a guinea. Gus had a heart attack in my hands. And you just shot the other one out of kindness. Well, it was difficult because he like, he was like twitching,

but bit me, but it was so difficult to not throw it. Because that might have restarted his heart. Yeah. I should have given him CPR, shouldn't I? But yeah, they were gone pretty soon within each other, Gus and Nigel. All right. Are you nervous about anyone moving to the big city? Crime?

More crime in the big city? I was an adult for a couple of years when I lived with my ex, and then I've kind of regressed into being not an adult for a few years and just gone back into like, you know, that kind of teenagey kind of vibes. So I'm going to have to be an adult again. Yeah. I reckon it'll be all right.

Are you talking about like cleaning your undies and not there? Huh? I do have clean undies. No, but your mum cleans them now, doesn't she? She does the washing, yeah. Yeah. That's easier. So you've got to clean your own undies?

Yeah, but I know how washing machines work, I think. Remember washing machines live longer with Calgon. Yeah. What's Calgon? It's a washing machine cleaning. It washes your washing machine. It's a washing machine, washing machine. All right, okay.

Also just empty your filter once in a while. Okay. Harry didn't know what to do, wondering why all his clothes, smelt like the previous tenants. Or just buying new washing machine every few months. I think that's bad advice. I'll be honest.

I'm not going to be looking to what you've done over the past few months as to how I'm going to live my life. I was baffled that I was invited to the house of you and today. He came with me Yeah, Carlwell, Harry's come in And I was like, oh fuck Because I couldn't be unsupertised

I wouldn't buy this mate None of these walls are wet Did you take him along So he might damage it And get the asking price down These carpets are ruined Well yeah, because of him But have you not thought about the crime

What do you mean? Crime, the city centres Where the biggest crime is Highest crime rates Biggest crime Tallest crime How many of us have been victims of crime in Liverpool City Centre, though, really,

over the amount of time we've been here. A fine crime. I think it's been a victim of crime. Your phone rob, than Potwell Boggs. True. How many years ago was that? He's not take that seriously at all. I hate that story, you know.

How many years ago is that? A while ago. So one crime in 13 years. I think that's pretty good going. Have I ever been a crime? Been a crime? I've never think I've ever been crime in the city, I mean, touchwood.

You ever been crime in the city center? Um, I got advertised to go into Fusion Nightclub and we all paid to get in and when got in, there was no one in there. That's where I met Seneca. I felt like false advertising. Why is that false advertising?

Because the music was blaring and there was smoke coming under the door. I was like, God, it's fucking bouncing in there. And I took a lot of German people in. And I had to explain to the German people after they'd already paid not the stamp. I was like, no, we're leaving. But German, Germans are quite frugal.

You got the stamp, you can then leave and come back later when it is busy. Nobody was at like half 11. Fusion. Yeah, Fusion's not. Nightclubs don't open until half 11? Did you go in up as soon as they open? He was queuing up. Also, why are you trafficking Germans around Liverpool?

It'll be rocking here, by the way. We just took the Germans out for a night out. Who's the Germans? Big nightclub night, boys, half eight. Let's get out. Half eight Wednesday night. Let's go Fusion. That will have just opened.

I didn't know that. Again, I'm not like, that was like in my kind of, um, was it, concert square era? Yeah. I used to go like to level. that. Yeah, that's the same. It opens at 11 o'clock.

But who were the Germans? There were pals, cousins. We brought them all over. Like, I know this one. My cousin had a white collar boxing match in there. It's pretty sick. We went in, there was no one there. There was no boxing or anything.

So we went out and we sat in beer, keller and they went home. Sick night out. Took the Germans, the very inauthentic beer keller. You know, I just thought they like ale. What does Keller mean again? seller. Is it a seller?

Yeah. Beer seller. And beer means beer. Beer means beer. Or one in Turkish. Correct. Sick. What night in the week was this?

Uh, maybe like a Friday or a Thursday. Don't know. A big one. Yeah. It wasn't, time wasn't busy. I remember that being an issue.

Because if it was Saturday, then it'd be like rammed, but like, Friday's a dead, aren't they? Yeah, the Germans loved it. And they were in the future.

I feel like I'm like the tour guide for the bars because I know some pubs. You know, some of empty, like, clubs? No, no, that was back in the day when I wasn't. He's had a bit more of an education now. You don't know any of the clubs though because we don't really do the clubs.

But like, I'll tell you, just from, to stop yourself making a rookie error, next time you get like sort of PR'd into a club, just go, can just have a look? See what it's like first. Just pop me out of a shrine. Right before you buy. And then just run in and go on the bog for two hours.

Then you're in for free. I've done that before. I've gone, is it busy? They're like, yeah, it's, pick it up. Show me. Now. I've also been rejected.

I think I've been not, I've never been in 54, but I've been knocked back four times wearing Adidas clothing. Yeah. Yeah. You haven't restored. Yeah.

But I'd feel like you shouldn't have a, if there was, you know, it was a cool outfit anyway. It's sort of for your own protection as well, a lot, though. Like you're just, like, if you were there,

in like an Adidas Shacky top in 54, you'd have stood out like a sort of. You'd have felt weird. No, it was a nice top. It just had, I'd like the... I have to have skinny ripped jeans

and a really tight Valentino, so. Yeah. Oh. Amity D squared, lads? A mined dress. I don't want you here this is, but...

What is the biggest club in Liverpool now? Level? I couldn't... I don't know. Level? I don't know. Yeah. It was big one we're going out as well.

What's terrifying? Is he kind of too old for the club now? Yeah, I've not... I've been too old for the club since I was 18. I felt it. No, no, but I felt it. I've never been a club guy. Too old for clubs now, boys?

Always been a bar guy. Never been a club guy. It's so funny that I think the person here who would be most at home in the club is the oldest. Is Papa Dan. I miss the club. You ever go to stay at then? I miss the club. You're thinking about the club?

I had good times. I don't think I ever actually liked it. No. I was always just trying to. Yeah. Yeah. I think when you've got 24-year-old girls coming up to you and going, oh my God, man, you're such a vibe.

That is when you know you shouldn't be in the club. Teddies isn't a club. It's the closest. thing to a club that I get to. There's a downstairs bit that is exclusively for dancing, basically, in it? You're an EDM, man of heart, aren't you? I am a boozing and dancing guy.

No, but I've seen you share on your Instagram story today, like a video of his, is it Fred too? Fred again. Them, yeah. Him. With Thomas Bangalta from... Too fast, too Fred. Oh, I thought it was... From Daff Punk.

I thought it was two fellas called Fred, and that was the whole thing. Fred again. Yeah, yeah, that's what I thought it was. Back to the Fred too. Red Fred Redemption. Did you add the caption was like, I feel sorry for people who've never been into this kind of music?

Fred again has been doing shows at Ali Pally, and he has been bringing together legends of dance music, legends of UK grime. Like, he's had Cano, he's had... Old school garage as all. Just a massive mush of... Like, you know, everyone's doing nostalgia but fred again is absolutely like in terms of dance music he is really like

current and and popular but he's done such a good job of tapping into that nostalgic thing and bringing the people along with him and all of these live shows look fucking amazing and that was just like the third or fourth one that i've seen and it was just so joyful and i loved it and i thought are you guys who are like oh i'm not bothered about this stuff it wasn't me being negative, I was just like, if you've never been bothered about this music, I sort of feel like you've missed out a little bit. I just don't feel like I have missed out. I knew. I knew.

When I was... I'm one of the charts. But you wouldn't have missed out if dance music was... I went to Creamfields. Got rained off. Soravich, though. He's... It's never... Never been my bag of bitch.

Oh, you ready? Do do do do do do do do do do do. Do do do. That's a rugrats, that was not far off a pretty good drop. Yeah, that's all dance music. That's Fred again. So basically you've seen it, isn't it?

If I can do it with me mouth, then it's not good. No, but Scatman John was sickly. He wasn't EDM though, was he? It was that. Yeah, he was scatting. Yeah, that was pretty like, boob-da-bo-bo-bo-boo.

If Fred again whips out Scatman John, I think those knights all drop off a little bit. He's dead. Fred again. Is this that called Fred? Just trying to explain an artist's name is, you know what I mean, it's just... Luke Combs, it's called Luke Combs. Because he's got an awful name. Go on.

Frederick John Philip Gibson. You'd change your name. Is that an awful name? John Frederick Gibson isn't a Freddie Gibbon. No, John... That's what I mean, you've changed it. No, John Philip Gibson's a good DJ name. Is it? Yeah. I think you're going to say like Fred Gerbils. Like, you'd change that, wouldn't you?

Yeah, bang out of order. Gibson. Sound. He's named after guitars. Gibson S.G. Minkin dish. What's that from? You don't know that.

Might be called Fred Shred? That's good. If you went to... You're such spanners about Dan's music. Dan, would you go to the shape? Would you go to Fred again? Dan, I went to space to see Carl Cox on his last ever...

He went to space? He was on the moon. He was mad. What are you doing it? and he played the same song for 11 hours and everyone was like, he didn't, no, he didn't. Hasn't this song changed yet?

He didn't. And it was 700 million pounds to get in. All the taps were not and the drinks was 65 quid. Why are you there? Why the fuck would you be there? Talk about a fucking misstep. I mean, I'm fucking Carl Cox for 11 hours and I'm drinking a pint of mild.

Like, what are you on about? Why would you be there? I don't even have coffee in the morning. I'll tell you what I'll do. Carl Cox till 6 a.m. Why are you? Just because you didn't get to go. What a stupid choice for me.

Why is it a stupid choice? I went and it was shit and he fucking ate it. I was like before? Can I go, oh, I'm going to go elsewhere? So you literally go to go? You went to see Luke Combs in Nashville? You made me! I got me!

You made me! And actually, it's kind of good. Why, the song's sick? This song started four hours ago. Yeah, it's sick, isn't it? What I'm saying is, why would you be there, though? What is the point of going to Car Cox

at Space in his last residency summer or whatever it was. To then go, ah, slow to repetitive bouncy noises, shite. I didn't do that. I enjoyed it when I was there. You literally just did that

on the... What shit. Yeah. It was the same... It's so hard arguing with him. Why would you go? You just said it was shit? No, I didn't.

Yeah, it was shit though. Are you trying to shag Carl Cox? I mean, to be fair, I saw some of those sets. I saw... It's pretty cool. Carl Cox was number one of my favorites, but he was a bit of a legend.

The end of it was good when he started doing, like, hey, I'll do the good songs at the end. Is he's... Courtney Cox's brother. Yeah. Yeah.

He's Courtney Cox's black brother. Bam, a lamb. He's fairly black. Is he? Yeah. Oh, in my head, he's like a short back and sides,

John Ed? Oh, he's, like, Bisseter. He's, yeah. He's Marcellus, Wallace from Pulp Fiction. He's like a big,

oh, honestly, I was picturing like a scouse, Tommy Fiore. No, he's a big fat black, but he's doing.

He's doing it. Which is his old stage name. But everyone was like, it's a bit on the nose up. Big fuck, black, man. He's doing the co-op tomorrow night. Anyone fancy it? Is he? Yeah.

Do you hear the same song for? With the prodigy? That would be cool. I've seen that as well. Is he replacing Keith? Yeah. Where is he playing? The co-op live.

Not just the co-op. I mean, put an eye on. Here's a question. I'll accept the question. Genuine question. Yeah. When they're just doing, like, with modern technology, is he not just playing,

and he not just, and then just going, for like a week or whatever it is on stage? A lot of the hot girl DJs are getting accused of that, aren't they? Because of Instagram and TikTok, there's a lot of clubs where gorgeous women are like DJing with the whaps out. And then people are like, watch her fiddle with the buttons and she's doing fucking nothing.

Yeah. I'm Cole Cucks. Welcome to my. set. And that's it. That's famously how he started every DJ set. Hello, I'm Carl Cox. If you don't recognize the name,

Big Fat Black Man, I used to go by. Anyway, off we go. Beep-boop. We're off. If everyone likes the same song for 11 hours and a pint of miles, you'll fucking love this. Beboop-poop-boop.

I tell you what, I wish I was hanging out with my sister Courtney. People that go wild for that. But no, he's pretty technically brilliant. Do you think when you're off your box on all the drugs that the people go, because most of the people at gigs like that

are off the box, aren't they? They're fucking wad. I think it's really way to enjoy that music. There's a couple that aren't and they're at the back. I have a great time. And I was like, I'm glad Dan Langell will never see this. I want to enjoy it less.

He could have been here, but he's not. I am. Boom. I had a great type. It was shit. Do you think if you've done off your head on drugs, you can distinguish between a good set and a bad set? I mean, if you're on drugs,

you're going to be into it more, I would suggest. If you're properly off your head, then you have no idea what's going on. But it is repetitive, and it's a music that is designed for the drug. There was an old song, I've got so much love to give. And it went on for four minutes,

and I remember beyond pills. And I was like, this is the best thing ever. Musically, I feel so connected to it. And I've listened to that tune. Years later, Stone Coldtober. And you're like, there's not as magic as I thought it was in the moment. So that's why I think it's shite. Because if I said to you, I've been watching this new program on a tell you,

but you have to have a load of LSD and some gaddies to enjoy it. I think you'd be like, I don't think that's going to win a BAFTA. Do you know what I mean? No, I don't think it would. I think it'd be a wild decision by the producers at Channel 4. Yeah, we're going to make something, but you're going to need a load of Gaddies and LSD. We just don't really make... Everyone dies watching it.

Why would you not mix galley's in LSD? You could. You could. You can't have me a new show. That's a cold. Show pony. No, this is shite. I'm only on Gatties.

Love, put show pony. I get the galley's in LSD, Eddie. And the kids are mad? They're in? And the kids are asleep? I don't know why I'd be shouting if they're asleep. It's good job they're heavy sleepers. Like, get the galley's in the LSD.

Stick Channel 4 on. Show, Boney. Oh, Kira. I'm off my barn. I appreciate them, man. I just think you'd have to be absolutely chiseled to enjoy something. It's not good.

Exactly. You don't have to be. But I'd need, I, when we went to Luke Holmes, I got bladded because that was the way I enjoyed it. Yeah. So what's your counter to that? I didn't. And I enjoyed it.

Yeah. Mm. We're fighting a loser. Tushay. Like he's ever going to turn around and go, oh, you're up, you know, I get it now. But whatever you, like, people are into dance music without ever taking drugs.

Like, I still enjoy it, still listen to it. I don't have to be high. Like, it's not just for that. But it was designed in the clubs back in the 80s and 90s for that. The dance songs with the words are better. Yeah, you're not a fan of like techno. But that's what it was. The middle of it was essentially just like fucking techno for two hours.

I was like, what the fuck's going on here? people like tech yeah yeah yeah but they would all off the twat right off their twat i don't think something can be called a song if it's got no lyrics on a palmer doesn't rhyme i don't think anyone's calling them songs are they yeah so that'll help yeah no one's going odd have you heard this new song uh there's a there's one that i think you'd absolutely despise by it's an old one i used to love by uh paul woodford called erotic disclosure and I used to listen to it when I was off my

fucking head and I still listen to it now and absolutely love it. And it is the epitome of what you would dislike. When would you put that on? Is it like a dinner party vibe or like in the car? Yeah, it's a dinner party vibe. And the kids in bed let's start the dinner party.

Show polion. I went to see, have you ever seen Prague Rock? I went to see Waterboys. That was the same. It's just the same song for 15 minutes. And then you know the ember. Prog rock isn't the same as dance music. No, but I mean, it's like, audio up. Do you do the next one? I mean, queen of prog rock?

Ory up? It was like, oh, they play the same song for the ages. You're like that with everything. You were just out of the house. You're like, come on, hurry up. I want to go home. That was a fun. I am starting to learn something about myself in this regard.

You know, this is a slight screech. I just want whatever I'm doing to be over, so I can do the next thing. Like, even if I'm enjoying it. Even an holiday? The only thing that's an accept to it is if I'm competing. Like, if we're playing

table tennis or like five aside, I don't want that game to end. I want it to go forever. Oh, fuck, yeah. Like, but I want the other, I want it to be close and competitive and interest and I'll do that. FIFA, I'll play it until my fingers fall off

of my eyes, bleed out of my eyes. Because you've got hyperfocus, because you've got undiagnosed ADHD. No offence I have as well. I had her half an Elvance on Saturday. What's that? My brother-in-law's ADHD medication. What an afternoon that was.

just felt like all the hubbub in your head just calms to nothing. And if you concentrate on something, you can just stay concentrated on it. And you don't get distracted by your own thoughts. I need to get some of this math, fucking amazing. Every time I've had them, I just focus on anything but what I want to focus on.

Oh, man, alive. I know, I think we've all got a bit of undiagnosed. I think most comics have got some ADHD. It's probably a bit irresponsible, but I had half. What did you get done? Oh, load. To finish my tax return. To be fair, Ned Flanders

I'd started it. Well, Libby wants it done because we're doing loads and then I went in the garden and just finished hiding the garden stuff that I fuck around with so much but it wasn't the fact that I got stuff done it was the way

it's such a calming of your brain Yeah, I need a bit of that. Could you, what about gigging? Because I agree with you in the football and stuff like that I also feel like that when I'm gigging I'm like I could do this forever and like not bored

because I'm not distracted by anything. I'm like, this is the thing I'm doing. Yeah, that's another exception, but it's not every gig. Some gigs I'm like, I need to get back for something or whatever. If I've got a long time, if I've got an hour on stage, I normally like enjoy that and just take me, learn to take me time and stuff and, yeah, I'm not thinking about the next thing.

But even like watching the match, I'm watching the match, waiting for the match to be done so I can go home from watching the match. And I think it's why I drink so quick. And like when we go for a pint, I'm always like a pint ahead of you lot. Yeah. Like apart from Jack Finnegan,

I probably drink quicker than most. And it's because I want that pint to be over. But then as soon as it's done, I get another one. I want that pint to be no more. Hang on, but aren't the pints all part of the same thing? No. Oh?

No. No. And that's another thing. Like, being in the pubs, having pints, I don't need that to be over either. I mean, that's not going to shock a lot of people, isn't it? Being competitive, having pints, being on stage.

They're the only things I actually love. Like, enjoy it at the time. So you want a fuck to be over? Yeah, because the end of it's the good bit, isn't it? I've had that before. Yeah, I think I like fucking, but I prefer coming. But you, hang on. But you wouldn't want a 20-second fuck in then.

It's nice to do for a while, isn't it? Yeah. You don't want a marathon sesh, but... Coming home from all these, unbelievable. Getting into your house. All right, sorry. Have you been away for two weeks on holiday? Somebody you've absolutely loved and enjoyed.

Getting into your house after two weeks is phenomenal, isn't it? Being like, oh my God, fuck me, my back in my space and the things, and love that. It's such a nice feeling to be back away, yeah. Do you not feel that then? Yeah, but isn't it a slightly different thing than we're talking about? like there's certain things you're

while you're doing them you absolutely love in a sort of hyper-focused sense I agree with you I think the sign of a good holiday is by the end of the holiday you're like I'm sort of done rather than being on holiday going I can't believe we're going home already

I think you need to time it so you've the last day is like this has been sweet but now I'm ready to go home yeah rather than there was a few days too many yeah and I know what six yeah we know what Will was trying to do for us.

Yeah. But that did, the last four or five days, I was like, I'm done. It's so perfect on a holiday where you've loved it and you just have the thought,

I'm kind of ready for home. You go home the next day. I think it's why I struggle to relax. Like, on holiday especially as well. So I've sort of learned this about myself and I had to have a conversation with me misses. I was like,

we can go and do a beach holiday this year. Like we probably might send like August, September, might late book her trip back to tent at the hotel we went to last time and just have like a, like a little bit of a chill. But why, you know, like when

the chill on our holiday is just being sat by the pool doing nothing. I'm waiting for that to be over to do the next thing. Yeah, I know what you mean? Do you mean? Oh no, that's the holiday for me. It takes me like three days to turn that off. That's why I'm better at city breaks, because...

You can compartmentalise each bit. Like, there's so much to it. There's, we're going to that restaurant, we're going to that bar, we're going to that shop, we're going there, we're going to see that cathedral. Fuck that. Like, do you know what I mean? Like...

You know what we're going to do you? Me and Laura do next year in the half term, we're going to go to split in Croatia and be about a mile and a half out of town in a nice hotel that's next to the beach with a pool and then splits just there. So we're going to try and do that hybrid pool holiday and city break.

I did that a few years ago. Yeah, you went, didn't you? Yeah, you might end up being in the same hotel because that's literally what I tried to do. Genuine question. Because Laura's the same as you. She wants a little bit of city break. Yeah.

Will you go to the beach on your own when you go with Laura? No. Right, okay. No. He loves her. No, it's very different. Is that because she'll let you chill? If you and me, when, when, like, if you were, I need a few days away and I was like, oh, I've just discussed it with Laura.

I need a few days away. Yeah. If it was us too, at no point when I go, hey, Finn, I'm going to the beach on my own. Is anyone what I mean, Adam? It's literally when there's 10 of us and I just want to do something and I don't want to blag anyone else to do something. and I don't want to blag anyone else to do something. Yeah, yeah. So I, like, that's when I,

when I know there's enough people in the group to entertain themselves and then cars like a merk out of the pool, like, where's down? Where's down? Where's down? Which is nice. One of your best mate and business partners is what I say, actually. Yeah.

And you just know, I'm just, 10 minute walk down the beach. Could be dead on the beach. Is that the worry? Yeah. Yeah. So, no, I would never. Plus, I'm trying to bang her in it.

Yeah, yeah. You can't want the rough. They're trying to bang you, though, is he? I hope not Not anymore No So old Yeah

My wedding anniversary today Happy anniversary Is it congratulations Not is it I just wonder what What did you go for Paperwise No we're not doing

Today is Obviously this is our first First wedding anniversary The actual wedding's in June Isn't it So we're not We're doing the gifts in June A bit because we just

Didn't do it yet And both had the What have you got for the anniversary And we both went not on I saw someone say Tickets counts Which is a good one Yeah, people do lot of your tickets as well.

The tickets count these days with the e-tickets. I don't think so. No, you could print it out. The Liverpool Echo. That should love that. Just that. The anniversary date. I wonder if people have done that.

Probably. Look on page 47. What is it? Story about part ofies. But yeah. You say congratulations? You say happy anniversary. Yeah.

You certainly don't say it if you're not considered in this surreal anniversary. No, we are. We're like the Queen, we're having two. We're not doing the gifts, but we're still sad. Today we're still going to have a nice day after work together. When does the law recogniser? June.

June. I'll say in in June then. I mean, say it in June as well. No, I'm not, I'm just not getting too out of me. I'll take it. It's fine. One was like, what you want for the gift? You want it always in April or always in June, but you know, I only get them one.

Let's go with April. J-Pril. Let's go with today. Happy anniversary, call. Thank you. My mum was like, what you want for a gift? I don't know. Like, what's the...

Spatulas or something. Spatulas or something. I don't know. Are other people meant to give you gifts? I thought it was just a couple. Yeah. No, I said, I'm saying, like, I've never got anyone. I haven't got you in anything like...

No, I don't know. In the car. You're in the car in the shop, you mean? Mum, I don't know. What you ask for for you on a bit? Like, I don't know. Spatulas is probably a good one, actually. A new microwave.

We got a few gifts for... having a party for our 10th. Yeah, that's a celebration. This is just like 365 days ago. People will send cards, though. We get cards from a few of Laura's family, like every year around the 1st of May, like, happy anniversary, like, wow.

Yeah. What is going on in your life that you have time to remember? All people rarely care about that, don't he? They love cards. Yeah, they love. I genuinely... I've got every card I've ever been given since the war. Yeah.

Why? Kosovo. The cost of a war. Yeah, if you were just wondering which war. Happy Kosovoid day. I hate cards. I'll just say it. Or I'll do a video that lasts longer.

Fionn keeps wills, and it says, keeps cards in her boot. Just in case and occasion rocks up. Which is why Martin has a card for your... That is a good idea. What? So she sells them, like a car of boot sale of, Yeah, it's like, yeah, scrap metal and cards.

Because, yeah, cards for every occasion, it's like just in case I've rocked up and I've forgotten it to someone's birthday, right? That is so clever. Yeah. I still haven't bought Senna because anniversary card. She'll, I don't know if she's got Mark. Don't I forget.

I told you? No, we're doing cards today. I'll write sort of nice, isn't it? It's difficult, though, this is different because it's an anniversary. So there's new things to write. Valentine's Day cards, it's like... Do you want to go the card shop together today?

Because it's lower as 40. on Friday. I'm going to go to utility. Yeah, can I come with? I need to buy a card. I'm going to do the numbers as well. I'm going to get her from Clinton's. When's she 40?

4.0. On Friday. What have you got her? What have I got her? Oh, God. A lawn. 40th birthday and you've not got anything. It's probably the biggest one since her 21st.

Yeah, I didn't get her anything for that. There you go see you all double. What have I got her? Four kilogram dumbbells and six. kilogram dumbbells. She asked for them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Could have got at eight.

And some other stuff on Amazon. I've got to go to Charlotte Tilbury. Charlotte Tilbury. Charlotte Tilbury. Got a couple of bits. Tried to get her a spa afternoon. She's not asked. Have you got anything she hasn't asked for?

No. Sexy. What should I get? Surprise, babe. I got you not an extra. Fortieth. Cat suit. She'd look good, like a couty?

No, cat suits, I'm sorry. Right, I'll get her a catsuit. But she'd look good, in it? Yes. And you'd like to lock her in it? She wants cash for clothes. Is she a charity? Is that what charities are asking for?

Hello, we're cash for clothes. Can you donate any cash your clothes? Thank you. We're cash to buy clothes. To sell the clothes to make money for charity. It's cash for clothes. Get a son, you fucking humble. You never learn.

Take it to a show. I'm taking Ali to watch. Labyrinth on Friday. The singer? The singer, yeah. Labyrinth. The singer, come in. That she into? Labyrinth. The singer and the film.

Is there any, like, any nostalgia in it? Yeah, you be 40. She be 40 on Friday. Whoa. That would have been a really good 40th gift, actually.

Yeah. UB 40. You be 40. It is a gift. I've given it her already. You canceled them. For their 40th? it is now I thought you weren't going

is she one of them people who's like I'm not 40 I'm 38 plus two she's one of them no she's a grown woman is there any like old TV shows by the way we do this for every birthday for Laura this is like you know your warning of the sea this is me every year going

I don't know what that's the Hasselhoff on with the car Night Rider does she like night rider get her a new car and get her a new car don't get a kit. She loves Night Rider. Genuinely, though, is there any TV shows that she just doesn't shut up about?

Bullseye. Bullseye, night rider, old school postman part, not the newer version. Going for gold, loves it. Yeah. The Royal variety. The Royal variety.

But only old ones. She doesn't like it too new. She's like, who are these cunts? What about? She loves mine. Oh, nice. Yeah, really like that. What about that old TV show

that used to be on at like fucking 11 o'clock in the morning when you were off school, Sik, Cash Cab. Remember Cash Cab? Isn't that a porn thing now? No, that's fake taxi. All right. It's a similar...

She loves that. So Cash cab, right? You would get in a taxi in London. It was just this random fella. Do you remember this? I remember you tell me about it. So Cash Cab, you'd wave down a black in London.

Now, now. Order. What? Go on. What's mean? You know what I'm doing. Jumped down the black. You'd get in...

He'd get in the car. And it'd go, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, who would? The car. Oh. Right? And the person in the back,

we're like, Jesus fucking Christ. And in a fella, he's proper cockney as well. He got, right, darling, a cash cab. All right.

You're not going to pay a day. He'll get to do. You're asking a few vatting questions. He's blathered by the way. See how much you can fat. How much you can fat a win.

All right. You have Fris? And she would have or he would have the length of their journey. So let's say they're going from motel to the Philharmonic.

You got about 10 minutes in the car, right? Did a couple laps. Yeah. It's a big hill. Two dwarfs. And he would ask you questions and I think it was like

first question was worth of tear. Second was 20. Yeah, yeah. And you'd win like sort of 120 quid if you got like all the way there. Nice. And I don't know whether they did like a double or not

and thing towards the end. You think he would. You could do that. Find out where the Lorna likes that. Borrow a black taxi off from Thomas. Yes. Pick her up. Do cash cab with her.

Class. So. Hey, babe, it's me. How are you doing? I hope you having a nice day. Light rider. Just out of, just any TV shows that you enjoy from a few years ago.

Cash cab. I know you love Minder, going for gold and Knight Rider that's pretty obvious did you enjoy cash cab back in the day

just let me know as soon as you can she loves fake taxi though she's dirty really she hides it but she's Phil I can't afford the fare you could merge them

oh yeah yeah like you could do like she could get in and go oh I'm going the beach right and you're like

no one She's in the beach. You're swimmers. And then as you get to the end, you go, right, now you can double or not on this. And she goes, ooh, yeah. And you go, all you've got to do is swallow my cum. What she wants real.

It's what all women won. We've ended up in keeping her. Ten years married. All right, babe. This is actually a cash cab stroke prostitution cab. If you want to win a tenor. Gash cab. Gosh cab.

There. She loves wordplay as well. She'll appreciate it. I just make her a sex worker for the day. No, you're the driver. You're the driver? Yeah.

You're the driver? It's not actual thing, is it? I'm paying her for sex. Yeah. It's going to feel like prostitution, isn't it? Is it a birthday? Exactly.

It's what she wants. Oh, it's two presents. Cash and she gets a lash you off. And she gets a lift, a bitch. Cash and come. Where she's going. You've got to leave her there, they don't drive off.

Oh, so we have. have sex. Full of cum. Drop her in the beige. She's an area of Chester if you think we've all gone mental. Happy birthday. And I wipe the come off the cab

and give it back to Rob Thomas. Rob Thomas, love. Make you all my own. Get the keeping airstream. This is why I always bring it up with Laura's birthday because you give me the best ideas. Gash cab. Yeah, what you do is you go,

Lord, I'm going out for a bee. I can't take you to Bache later. Sorry. I've booked you a taxi, though. I'm so glad that you've learnt there's an area of Chester called the Bache. You're really enjoying the Bache? The Bache and the Leish.

Oh, fucking hell, man. And by the way, if you're a Matt Richardson fan tuning in for the first time, there's another half an hour of this before we've let him in. Now, we sat on the coach. We're just not panning the camera to him. We'll cut it down for 20. Happy birthday, darling.

Happy anniversary. Thank you. All. All right. IP Carl Cox. That was a chunky-ass first section. So I'm going to go straight to our new feature. I don't know it yet.

It's the same song for four hours, man. This is Carl Cox made this for us. Still alive. Carl Cox, Dave. Nope. This is low-level conspiracies with Carl Regler. Conspiracy, Carl Koch is dead, has been for years. Jake sent this in.

Cheers Jake for the jingle. Well done, Jake. Jingle Jake, we'll call them. Absolutely super. Jekl. There you go. Thanks, Jekl. We've got five low-level conspiracies with Carl Regler,

and Carl is going to pick his... The most believable or your favourite. I want to say the one that is the truest in my eyes, yeah. Oh, I love it. Tom says, low-level conspiracy. When Artemis 2 went behind the moon and lost contact for 45 minutes, the whole crew had a gang bang.

I think that's just what you wanted to. This is why I ate new features. People just don't know what they are. What happened? Did they just not be able to see them? No, they lost contact with them for a bit. So they could have done anything? Yeah.

That's the conspiracy, yeah? What was it not filmed? They don't film with space gang bang. Why would you do that? Because then you give your game away. For posterity, you want it. If you're having a space gang bang, you're not watching it.

again. I think sometimes things that aren't recorded fare better in your memory. More gangbangs have just happened than been recorded. Because you've got to get GDPR on everyone. It's harder, in it? If I had a gangbang, I'd want to filmed. Just naturally.

Can you have gangbangers in space? Does gravity not make that difficult? I think it means if you came, the cum would just be floating around. Okay. You'd have to go back with you. Next one. Next one.

Denny says, Wigwam lids, I don't think you can get fat from drinking full fat milk. It's not full of fat. It's just normal milk. Calling it full fat, skimmed and semi-skimmed, is all just a marketing tactic

so they can sell you water down pissy versions of milk and make better profit margins. And that's Denny who's coming for Big Cow. That is how milk works, yeah? All he's done there has gone, I don't think that semi-skim's got less fat in it. Yes, it has, yes,

but that's because they've watered it down. That's exactly what they've done. It is clever though. They're basically cutting their beak up, aren'ty? You know, it's bash in it. Skim, it's just like bash. They're not putting laxatives in it, are they? No, but like, Flake is like full fat.

I have full fat back into that and it changing world. Oh, it's just better. Yeah, it's so much better. We join your order from a shop and they replace it. They replaced semi-skimmy full fat, which blew my mind. Why? Because I didn't ask for it. It's not a replacement.

It is. It's a replacement. It's literally a replacement. I couldn't be more of a replacement. Yeah. Do you drink two different types of milk Or do you only stick with one? Generally only stick at one

But if they're gonna replace If they've got no semi-skinned milk What are they supposed to replace it with? Would you arrive if they didn't deliver milk? Yeah, yeah That's insane. No, because full-fat replacement If they're gonna, I'm not having the milk,

I'll have a yoghast. Full fat milk's naughty, man. But it's a guilt-free because you didn't make the choice. I had one glass of it and poured it down the sink. What? No! You feel it in your nose? What should they have replaced that with?

It's bad thing they shouldn't have sent it and have got my old milk from another shop. milk's like wow that's dangerous it's like they've given me fucking smack you have to select to accept replacements yeah yeah more seneca must have then and she's fucking gone behind me back i know what you mean but once you know the once the milk's the house has done it for you i think i've ever had it or very rarely oh when i was a whole milk mate like cream we got it delivered and they had like cream on the top and then i put loads of sugar on did you have a milkman growing up sugar on you we had a milkman i had a milkman when i lived in it

in the house that Dan lived in. And I lived in Chester, we had a milkman. I've always romanticised the idea of having a milkman. Class. And their fresh orange is the best fresh orange

in the mill as well. Oh, with the orange and black foil. Oh, yes. I need to try it. Fresh orange that comes in a glass milk bottle. Yeah, I've not had it.

Do milk cart still exist? Milk floats. Float, yeah. Yeah? That's how they get it around. They're like 5 a.m. You'll have... That's a milk flow.

Do they still have milk in schools, Dan? Do the kids still have milk her? That was Karlsmar, fricking herself off when he was a kid. Oh, that was a milkman there? That wasn't me. I had one of me all night friggs sessions. Is that where the stereotype comes

where milkmen come round and frig your mum off? So you think I'd wake up in the morning and go, mum, five again, what was that noise? And she'd go, that was a milkman, but it was really a frigging herself off. 100%. My mental.

What did you think my answer was going to be there? No, you don't be long. I've got one that smoothly moves on from that. Lewis Omar says, electric vehicles are designed to sound like UFOs so that we get used to the sound and don't look outside when there's actual UFOs. That's number one so far.

They do sound like UFOs. How do you know? Because if I said to you, make a UFO sound, go on. Woo-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W. Oh, you've got like the hovering kind of sound, yeah. for me it's like, UFOs sound like the fridge when you leave it open.

Beeping? Yeah. Fucking needy cuns. Are they reversing? Honestly, like, I get so angry at my fridge when it starts kick. You know, when you,

there should be a button on it where it's like, I'm filling the fridge up, you stupid cunt, shut up. Yeah, yeah, I'm open. I'm open, I'm open, yeah, I'll just press, because I've got an okay button on it

and that makes, that's like shutting it and open it again. I'm losing the cold, Adam. Like a minute later. I'm, uh, Hey! What about yourself? 48 cans of fucking Pepsi Maxie, yeah.

Gotta fill you up. Like, Ellie. My fridge doesn't speak to me. I just, if I leave it open, it's just open. What? It doesn't beep. How old it's your fridge? Um, I don't know,

the old tenant left it. Old fridge is beeped still. Yeah, new fridges, needy fuckers. Yeah. Because I've left the, we get ice cream all the time and I left the freezer open.

Oh my God. And I've got all our friend with you. That's meant. That is bent. What? It's because it didn't, it doesn't beep. It just, like, on a,

I, like, I swung it closed, but it just didn't close properly. You're the, you, you, like, I'd never need my fridge or freezer to be.

You're the reason they beep. Well, that's why I was like, God, I'm missing out. You're the reason. Silicon gels, I've do not eat it on them. You know, there's the cunt who,

like, who needs all this fucking, you, you need, like, the rails on a bowling alley up on life. It's cause of you. It's people like you who need the rails,

on the bowling alley up on all of their life. Beepin' fridges, warnan's on silicon gel. I mean, my provisor for buying a car was that it had to have reversed, like, parking sensors on because otherwise I'd... It's ironic because I've never reversed parked in my life.

What? It'd be greater if you had the bumpers on, on the roads. People would feel more safe. Yeah, well, your car stays in its lane, doesn't it? It does it. I wish I had that. You'd be all right with a Tesla

because it sort of, there's more safety features on it. When it's in that mode, it basically does the bumpers up, doesn't it? Well, he's dead safe now he gets the train. One of the criticisms of self-driving cars for everything to be a self-driving car is that at some point it will be up to a robot. It will be up to the car who dies. Like there will come at a moment where a crash is inevitable

and the cars will have to communicate with each other to decide who dies. Like that... In a millisecond. Yeah. There's a toddler walked out. There's a granny driving on the other side. It goes, oh, fuck the granny. And then there's you driving.

Like, you could drive into a wall. Yeah. So, like, a sort of ethical discussion around self-driving cars is, should your car protect you? Should your car protect the person it should best protect for the furtherments of the human rate? It's a proper philosophical thing. Like, should it kill the old woman?

But if that woman's really intelligent and works in, you know, you know, cancer research. And there's a fucking 24 year old over there who's just got out of prison and there's, you know, off on license and it was like a, you know, a violent criminal. Should it kill the older person who might cure cancer?

Should it kill the younger person who's a violent criminal? Should it kill you? Who's given it this information as well? Everyone's going to have like a chip. But eventually it will need stuff like that. But I would just like, I'm really uncomfortable with the idea

of robots, new dyes, but I'm much more comfortable with a robot aside than Harry. So I do think, like, I'm all in on it. So I tell me, Carr, that I was a lovely old woman who cured cancer. Do you want to ask for your information? What if it works? I was a kill

liars. I'm like, oh, I'm a lovely old cancer cure woman. I'd be like, well, I'm saving it at all costs. Run that woman over. I think it must be, feel pretty shit getting run over and killed by an electric vehicle. I think there's, we should never have a couple as well.

I want to get hit by a fucking corvette or something. That's what you think of as you're dying. It literally sounds like you go into heaven. This is my favourite one so far. I know what I like that. What was it? They've made electric cars sound like UFOs. We don't know when there's UFOs sound like.

For all we know, UFO sound like this. But I'm a UFO. Jazz UFO. A New York. Jazz aliens. UFOs? It's going to take a while together. Was that a now?

Jazz UFO. Yeah, I was seen it. It's up a now to say it. I've absolutely deserved the jingle. Dan B says, conspiracy corner. Small independent garages are creating all the potholes in the roads. You never see potholes on the motorway because there's always cars on and all cameraed up.

I think you don't see motorway potholes because it would be so dangerous if there's a pothole on the motorway. Do you see mostly potholes in the air filled? That's what I mean. Like they do with it quick because it's so much wood. It is there more potholes going on. because I feel like round chest away

it's bad at the moment. Is there more pottles or there's just less money to fix the potholes? Yeah. Thanks, Labor. Thanks,

Kier, hoarding all that tarmac money so you can spend it on babies from abroad. Is that what he's doing? Is he adopting kids? They're an immigration or something. Oh, yeah, yeah.

A pockets full of bitchement, mate and money. On the 45. Broken Britain. Like the tarmac. Put it on roofs as well. But I do think there's more potholes. And now I've got a car that I care about more.

And I want the... You meant to drive faster over them, aren't you? Yeah. Are you? Yes. Right. Not seeing that video. Like, well, there's like a...

An optimum speed. Like, you can... You need to drive really slow, like, sort of like five to ten miles an hour over it. Because that obviously there's no impact. But if you drive over it, like, 20 or 30, it like bashes you... That's the worst. Yeah.

If you drive over it, like, 140, you just fly over it. You basically just go, who... There you go. So if you see a pothole, 140. Go on. It's generally better to hit a pothole slowly. But just don't break while you're doing it, apparently. What if...

I mean, you can't drive round them or 140. There's two choices. Maneuver round or 140. What if you either hit the pothole or there's a woman that's cured, cancer? You've got to decide on that your aloys and that. The woman. Last one, wag-wag-waglids. I believe most antidandruff.

shampoo products are a bunch of nonsense. I've spoken to multiple people about this who agree that very few products work. Not only this, but also from a business standpoint, if the anti-dandruff shampoo worked, there would be no returning customers. I think some even make the dandruff worse, so you buy more.

I got told as a kid, never use head and shoulders. Gave you dandruff there. Don't know why. That was, like, fed to me. Do you the same? Yeah. Yeah. This is a long-standing conspiracy. It's like dentists. You know, it's like, oh, three out of four dentists. recommend like Trident or whatever, like Sensorine.

The fourth one's the one you want to listen to. Because he's honest. The other three are just like, we need to keep ruining people's teeth or we're just going to be out of our fucking... He's in the pocket of big Trident. That's true, yeah. Why would he cure it if you are the people giving them money? Literally.

I mean, this is a low-level conspiracy, but it ties into the big one, doesn't it? Like that we've had the cure for cancer since we went to the moon. But like... Same day? The government are like... I'd rather treat it. How are head and shoulders still a thing?

Because everyone has known for ages that it doesn't cure fucking dandruff. I just like the smell of it. Do you have head and shoulders? Yeah, I just like the smell. Smells nice. Just get a good shampoo and sniff some head and shoulders. I feel like that's just adding extra layers to the shower in process.

There's also a nice smell and shampoos that exist. I know, but I can't be asked. There's an app you can get. You can scan the barcode on a bottle of shampoo and it tells you on a scale from one to a hundred, like a percentage, how good it is for your head. I can't be asked. Why are we scanning shampoo?

You never do it once. Why? Just get a shampoo. It doesn't fucking matter. But it does, though. Doesn't my hair doesn't do anything. This is it. This is all I've got.

What about deodorant? What do you use? You care? I double up. I roll on and then spray. Oh, thorough boy. I don't want to stink. Are you a bit of a stanker?

No. I'm a sweater. I'm not a stinker. Have you got hairy armpits? Yeah. See, I've got hairy armpits and that's why I don't like roll on. It makes it all go all like claggy. I basically have like the horn of him at my can come out with each arm pit.

But that's how I style it. I braid it. Amazing. Punk arm pits with Adam, I mean? Yeah, yeah. I get it, but I'll double up. I fucking unload a lot of the odent.

Like I can be a sweaty boy on a hot day. I miss a roll. And also sweat doesn't smell. It's dried. I'd sweat that smells. So if you put sweaty clothes on, that's what smells. I don't do it. That's why I don't smell.

I just don't think that's true. You know, I think that's my, that's my low-level conspiracy. That's bollocks. Sometimes you see a big fat heather dripping with sweats and they stink. That's usually their t-shirt, though, in it? With wet sweat on.

No, but is that not new sweat added on to the old sweat? Is that why they stink? No, I think it's both. What makes it, what makes it smell? once it dries, what changes about the smell of it? Like the reactivation of it. I also don't, like milk's the same, milk's the same, in it?

Milk smells way worse when it's dried and... When it's off, yeah? Yeah, well, our sweat goes off then, doesn't it? Yeah, but you smell a bit after football and that's wet smug. Wet smug? What's your favourite of the week? Right?

My cock stinks after five aside. They've got wet smeg on it, though, so, you know. It's got to be UFOs. It's UFOs. Lewis Omar, you are all conspiracy of the week. Write some advice. Problems, I'll tell you the best thing to do. If you want to do it, you'll be fine.

If you don't, you might do time. Sending your prep to have a word pod at gmail.com. Michael says, hello lads. I have a bit of a problem. My best friend introduced me to his wife's sister, who is still living in their hometown in Mexico, a place called Veracruz, and I've fallen for her over text.

We live near the US-Mexico border, and it's very common to cross from Mexico to work and then go back home. I plan to start doing that later this year. The issue is that I've exaggerated how much Spanish I can speak, and I already have tickets booked to see it later this month. I think I can make it work during the trip,

but how do I deal with the disappointment she'll probably feel when we realize we can't fully communicate with each other? Thank you, boys, and that's from Miguel. Jew O Lingo. Yeah. Does that work, though? It doesn't work.

I'm on 1,112 day streak on German. And you can still only say like beer killer. So it's not going. And I can say that with none. And every time I go to Germany once a year and I meet my mate Powell's grandparents and she goes, it's so disappointing the lack of German growth you've done year on year. I've got an idea. So just remind me the start of that because I was thinking about what I'm having for me to.

So he's meeting some girl. So his best friend introduced him to his wife's sister. A Mexican woman. Yeah. Okay. She lives in Varacruz. I think... Sounds nice.

Just speak vague French noise, Zara, and then say, I thought you meant French. French, Mexico. It's not your fault that you don't know what Mexico speak. Even though he lives near the US-Mexico border, he's just got the language that they use wrong. You need to say I don't see language.

Nice. They've got these new... Qua? These new... She's like, Oh, I'm a... Oh, she's South Korea.

No, that's Spanish, on it? They've got these new devices that are like... Okay, AirPods. No, yeah, but there's also the other ones that are like a... Is it a dictophone? What's the thing where you, like, talk ideas into? Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

They've got one of those where you speak into it, and then it reads it out and, like, like Stephen Hawking's voice in whatever language you wanted to do. So I reckon that could be a good start. You can't be flirting like Hawking though. Because what did they get it wrong? I like your car, but it's like, you're a fat bitch. I think that's on the dictaphone, isn't it really?

There's loads of prank videos like that. Yeah, they're funny. Really? Like a black guy will go up to like a white guy and be like, and he'll like say something into the thing, but he's programmed there and he'll press it. And the fellow, it'll be like, how do I get to the cathedral? and then the other fellow will go, oh, just go down there

and then up there in the other way and then it'll just be like, it'll have like the N word, and it'll be like, listen to here, you dirty little N word, I'm not telling you where to go. And the fellow looks back at him and the white guy's,

no, no, no, no, I didn't say any. It's class. Class. Is there the possibility for a little boy in the strike pyjamas here, isn't it? And that isn't like, because he says he's crossing

the US-Mexican border constantly. because he might end up getting stuck there. They might go, no, you're Mexican. Are you allowed to freely cross? What happened with the boy in the striped pajamas? He went into the place and he put the pajamas on and they thought he was one of them.

Yeah, but what does he put on now? The striped poncho. Might put in like a sombrero on to get through the border. I'd be like, yeah, I'm Mexican. He'd be like, you're not coming back, you're Mexican. I've been to Mexican board. He's putting a disguise on to get into Mexico. Yes.

Just to make it smoother. If he's got his passport, he can move freely over that border, surely. Finn? Yes. Could you do a relationship with someone that doesn't speak your language? I couldn't do a relationship with someone from Grimsby.

So I like... You don't really speak his language. I don't think women and men speak the same language, really. We have the same words. But we're not on the same wavelength, you know? Yeah, but we're very... Like, I mean, we very do. We very do.

Me and Laura, very do speak English. Okay, babe. Would you like? in pump-pum time in the pump-pum and she goes yes i better do could you have a Mexican girlfriend who didn't speak English I'd give it a try but be love's love man that's what I think you couldn't do anything you'd be old you'd be like sex oh no awful ah so I can't help her with I mean job application I'm like oh sorry love I don't speak Spanish she said job application me

that was a scouser need job application yeah I couldn't speak Spanish I couldn't date someone from Boutel. Yeah, you don't got to go to DSS, lad. Sorry, sorry, Shirley, babe. I'm just here for the lovemaking. Now, get your fucking rat out. My own rat, right? I'm from Veracruz.

Boutel. I couldn't do this. I'm the Mexican quarter of Boutal in there. What, you want for tea, love? And then she's like, nachos. Speaking English, please. Ah, my men to understand that!

I don't speak Spanish, love. Tacos? Fing, do you have any nice? national pride. I knew we'd get it round to Welsh again. Yeah? In Wales or Turkey? A bit above.

So could you date someone who was like vehemently anti-Turkey or Welsh? What how does that manifest itself? You know the way like, you know the attitude I pretend to have towards Wales? Because I quite like Wales. You know the way I'm always just like you're not a real country. It's just a shit all. We can't just say this. We got called that on TikTok this week for this.

In Welsh. By a Welsh guy. Yeah, of course we did. Like, and it's absolutely out of order that I pretend to have those views. Do you know what I mean? You are a real little country. You're a class. Love it.

Right? But the views I pretend to have, if a woman actually had them, if she was just like, it's shit. Why? Just speak normally, you fucking weird Welsh cuns. Would you put up at that? What date is this that she's coming out with this really strong anti- Welsh chat? Is this the first date?

I've had worse first dates, to be honest. turn the popty ping on let's go on the bus the bus to the bus it's just bus it's not busity bus let's go have a drinky pinky on the bus of the bus

tell me how if I behave the guy on TikTok is going to have another week on us is not is it bad on TikTok I can't speak fluent Welsh

but I was translating bits of it Harry went do you understand this and he was got he was Doesn't they have to show translation thing? No, there wasn't...

Welsh isn't a bit of a language, is it? So it doesn't know. You need a dicta fun. Even TikTok's like another one. He's on about land. I think he just called me the N word. He basically said that you can't say anything because you can't do comedy in Welsh.

He also can't do it in Belief. I don't think that's what he said. That's what he was like you... No, he said it's like it's ironic that people that only speak one language, have a go at different languages when everyone that speaks Welsh can pretty much speak English as well.

Shut up and take that L, L, L, L. Why is that an L on English speakers? You've come over here. What? You've come over here. That's fat. No, what I mean is... I mean, I know you've stayed there in Wales,

but you've come over here. I mean, metaphorically, they've come over to English. You've been to Wales and do you speak Welsh? Does I've been to Wales? Does I mean to speak Welsh? What? You're saying the same thing? No, but I'm saying...

Coming over here to... You're not... Welsh was made illegal. They had to... Yeah. That's quite naughty, like booze. Quite naughty. That's quite naughty.

Actually, I'm against it now. Well done. I think your question to me was, would I, would I date a racist? And the answer to that I think is, they're also a racist. Welsh isn't a race. Welsh is a race. No, it is not. It feels like it.

Texas. But Welsh isn't. There was some stank from that. Potter! How fit is this girl that she's getting away with xenophobic racism? There is a level, isn't there? Yeah. She's a worldly.

No, there isn't. I know. Let's go to the library, white buddy. Livese. Get a bookie, book. Gims. I actually, I'm actually,

how we did. We managed to make Mexican banter into anti- Welsh sentiment. See you on TikTok. We are going to have a break. And we'll see you after it. Hey. Energy was fucking big. Barisersetit!

I've had zero coffee. That's what it is. By the time I parked in town, I had to get him here because we had to have like a concise day and then I spent my break there feeding him and trying to get him down to. Do not recommend trying to function without the caffeine.

Are you a caffeine? Don't drink any caffeine, really. Shut, what's going on? I don't drink coffee. I fucking chug Diet Coke, though. So I have loads of caffeine. I just don't, I'm not a coffee drinker. You know, why?

There's no caffeine in soft drinks. There is. There isn't, though. But I'm on the caffeine-free diet coax as well, which feels like a waste of time. The gold ones? Yeah. Proper mum diet coke, though.

That is real mum diet Coke, in it? I like it. You know, low calories, but doesn't give me the both. Yeah, exactly. Can be in bed by nine. Yeah, it's much better. Does it taste the same?

It tastes, yeah, it tastes the same, but like, what's the point of it? Because there's no sugar in it And there's no... But yeah, it tastes of what? Chemicals? What does it even taste of coke? Hang on.

Whoa. Do you think some people are drinking Diet Coke for the caffeine? Yeah, I imagine so, no? That's what... If someone's having Diet Coke's Give themselves a boss,

they need to live in a coffee. I used to have two Diet Coke's in the morning rather than a... Oh my God, my caffeine tolerance is so much higher than Diet Coke even registered. I don't really have a tolerance though. Like, if I have a double espresso, I throw up. Oh, I poo?

My panseller. Who comes? You need to live a little boys. Diet Coke should not, like, you shouldn't even register it. I could have a Diet Coke in the middle of the ninth. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a different kind of caffeine here, isn't it?

Like, it's not as intense. I know what, you're insane. I'm not using it for the caffeine. Oh, right. How much caffeine is in a can of Diet Coke compared to... 46 milligrams of caffeine in a kind of Diet Coke. And then I look for a preck coffee is about 180 milligram. for standard double shot.

Okay, so four of them. Yeah, exactly, and you're fine. You'll get cancer, but you're fine. I have a triple shot, so I'm two, am I 270 then? Yeah. Wow. Yeah. You know, like independent coffee shops, like posh ones?

If I have two coffees in one of them, like I feel like I'm going to have a mental breakdown. Black sheep's pretty bad. I was in, I was in here. I've stopped having Black Sheep because I had a panic attack when Jack White all was in. No more. No more Black She didn't fancy him, though. Are you sure it was the coffee and not Jack?

You need to do another test. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I noticed Blackie. Black sheep's particularly strong. It's really strong. Black sheep has a lot of Muslim patrons, doesn't it? They have a little late night. Do they?

Yeah, yeah. So it's open until about 11 o'clock at night. The Black Sheep coffee in Liverpool one. And it's like, there's loads of Muslims in there until late. Blacksheet, then onto Casper's. Yeah, yeah. Blacksheet coffee and then a cheesecake. They love a little dessert, don't they?

Waking up in the morning and go, I'm rough tonight, love. I had four scoops. They're in a club. Why do you feel nervous? Oh, it's funny that Matt has absolutely nailed the same sentiment we've had a few times. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we've said that same. Have you?

The Muslim cake banter is strong in this pod. Oh, great. But we're not going to go like, we're not going to go like Freddie Quinn levels of banter on it. You know, I'm not going to do a voice. No, it's just understanding the cake-based Muslim culture. They love a dessert, don't they? Yeah, and that's fine.

That is absolutely fine. But when you go to the Middle East, They don't have like Caspas. They have like Middle Eastern desserts. And then they come over here, they should fucking bang a bit of ice cream. Baclavar. Baclavar.

Yeah. Heavy. Cunaffae is another one I've had over there. Cunafe. It's like a cheese one with like this lattice. It's really nice. But you can't get shit ice cream like you can in a Casper's for nine quid.

I hate foreign cake. Right. Wow. Why foreign? Isn't all cake foreign? No, you know when you're on like holiday and there's like, oh, you mean shit cake?

All inclusive cake. The all inclusive cake. The all inclusive. pudding and it looks amazing. But it's just... Tastes of Tastes of nothing. It's just loads of small shit cakes. It's the dairy

shit. That's why you're using the country you are in is the dairy's poo about. There isn't one good little cake on the All Inclusive. All Inclusive of All-Inclusive. You're going wrong having the cake on the All-Inclusive, mate. I know, but you're trapped. You're in the fucking school dinner hall that you paid four grand for. There isn't another cake

option. They didn't go out. This is the mistake. All-inclusive people make to go out. Well, we can't leave here for a week. There's probably a billionaire's cake shop a few doors down. Billionaires' cake shop. Owned by, I think you know. I honestly just think, like, you need to just venture out. Like, all-inclusive food, shite.

It's good to get it because I think for what... For the extra on top of what you'd pay for that hotel and all the ale, it's worth having it as the option where you get up ungover and you go, I'm just going to amble down and have some chips or something for me, It's a good backstop in it. You know, it's safe. You can always... You could just better all-inclusives.

That's the number one thing. Because you know now there's like this posh version where they go... They're not called all-inclusives. They're called everything included hotels. And it's like for the middle class kind of people that think all-inclusives aren't for them. I did this in Tendeneef.

I did it. So there was an hotel and it had like a all-inclusive and then an all-inclusive adult's only premium section. Yes. I was like, we'll have a bit of that. Everyone's getting good cake and fucking. Yeah. Right.

They gave me a bottle of Moe with me dinner. They were like, yeah. Yeah, champagne's included. I was like, this is fucking... There's a really good one. I think they're called the ICOS we stayed at and the mini bars included.

And every day they just fill your mini bar. We're ever in a bottle of wine each getting ready for dinner. I put on two stone. It was amazing. You've never put on two stone that holiday. I did. I put on two stone that holiday. It was a long two weeks of drinking that.

I think you've had the same body ever since I ever first laid eyes on your extra factor. You know what? I put... I wish. I did put on a lot of weight in lockdown. There's a lot of drinking going on there. And, like, I did a TV show after it.

And I saw a clip of it recently. I put it on TikTok, a clip of it. And someone went, you've had a fucking glow up. I was like, he just caught me just at the end of being in the house where I was drinking a bottle of gin

every three days. Did you go big drinking? Yeah, there's nothing else to do, was there? Wow. Yeah, I mean, you started a... Well, you know, all right, Adam, we're not all the genius comedy business man, you are.

Like, some of us decided just to get absolutely batter. Don't wait. We're just going to put that in his fucking jacket, no, really? You know, because obviously on TikTok where people ask me questions, they always ask about, I did a video about you once about what do you think about Adam Roe. And I was like, he is the greatest business mind comedy's ever seen. What are you doing? Why? Sh, well, I think like, he's just... He doesn't need this. He's the, he's the best agent we never had. Because look what he's done with Adam Rowe. Can't say it?

That is phenomenal. But yeah, greatest businessman in comedy. I'm not afraid to say it, but every comedian is an idiot. They call me. Who? What an agent you'd be. You'd be so competitive. You'd call them Lord Chugger, so wouldn't you just be Lord Chugger? You are Lord Rowe. Oh, yeah.

I always forget about that. I'm officially a Lord. You would be unbelievable in like contract talks face to face, but then no paperwork would ever come through. I think I'm getting

2.2 million for this, but I haven't seen any paperwork. I just need to take like you along to do all the paperwork. Oh, nice. Me and you can be, me and you can be like a dream. The Havoward agency

and I do all a negotiating and you do all the fucking deleting of the emails and that? Would you do an agency? Please don't give him a business idea. I'm just trying to get him to tour less so there's more people for the rest of us. I'd like the power. Do you know what I mean?

I'd like the... Do you want a job, do you? Shut up. Calling Channel 4 going, listen, cunts. Yeah. Do you want one of my clients do you? Shut off. You would not want to get any work.

You bought the way. I'll take it. I mean, you'd lose work. You'd be like, Adam's falling out with every channel at the moment, so we can't, because he's... Rename it Adams Taskmaster,

if you don't mind. And then I'll think about it. They rename it, and then you think about it and say, no, but they've got to rename it Adams Task. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. I just think, you know,

that's some power. You've got to play a hardball. A lot of people going with the softballs, don't they? Oh, we'd love to get my client on your show, please. I'd be like, he fucking should want my client to name, to have the show.

Do I mean? He's lost me. He's lost me in that bit. I don't know what happened. Who's the client? You're fired. Yeah, who's the client? Who would be your first signing? Rob Thomas.

Rob Thomas. He's the problem of me is it's Adam's a get up and going. Rob's a lazy prick, isn't he? No, but that's what he needs. Rob needs. Yeah, but they're just butt heads all the time because Adam would be like, I've filled your diary and he goes, oh.

You want to be on Adam, Master? Sign with me. Shut up. Where's the contract gone? Robert would hear the word task. That sounds like a job. I'm all right, thanks. Well, I kind of, I think I think I could live in the role of, you know,

bullish age and stuff. You'd be like an... You'd be in Addison. That's the vibe. Do you know what I'm saying? Think about it. What I've just said is exactly what happened

with Live at the Apollo. Live of the Apollo, you know, they were like, we need a front man. And he was like, you'll call it fucking Jack Dee's live at the Apollo, for fucking three seasons.

It was Jack Dee's live at the Apollo. Then Jack Dee was like, shut up. And he just took it. She said, shut up. So I wait for Rob Thomas's Taskmaster because it's coming soon. One episode and it's just taxi runs.

Cash Cap. Do you remember that show? I think everyone thinks I was making it. In the first section, we spoke about cash cab. Do you ever remember cash cab? No, what was cash cab? Like, you'd get, like, a woman or a man would get in a... Wow.

Would get in a black taxi in London. Yeah. And the taxi would go, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. And then it was a quiz. Right. And it was from wherever they were to where they were going. Like, they had that amount of time to rack up as much money as they could. And they never paid the fare, but sometimes they, you know,

she'd be like, oh, I'm going to hospital, see me dying more. And he'd be like, oh, well, let's get you some money. By the time she got there, she'll have like 40 quid. What kind of questions were they asking? Like, just general knowledge? Yeah, yeah. Just like a pub quiz style, but it was just some cock. And he fell a drive around and gone, all right, darling.

Hey, who was the queen four weeks ago? What show was it on? ITV and then challenge. I mean, I've had some slidebacks like that in my career. That is fucking brutal. Did they ever pick up at the hospital? What? Okay, then new dad's dad.

It was a queen four weeks ago and my dad just died. Second question. Dean missing. It is 50 quid. What about if you got in and you went, oh, can I go to like

Ashby de la Zouche? What happens then? So I always said this because I used to fake, like getting six to get off school like quite often. And I always remember like talking to my mum about this

being like if I got in here, I'd recognise him. Because he never told you when cash gab until he told you where you were going. Do you mean? But they told you, They have to have known,

like, because otherwise, what if they get in, do it and go, I'm not signing the release form? Well, yeah, I think they just film a little bit longer, I think. Tell you what, your CCTV's very good. Massive cameras and a cameraman sat there. It was just like a little CCTV thing, but, like, you get in and he got, all right, girl, where are you going?

She'd be like, oh, I'm going to the doctor just to get a mole removed, and he'd be like, woo-la-law, blah, roo! And then, like, whatever. I always said, like, I'd just get in and be like, fucking Plymouth there, fella. Off we go.

Let's see how much money you've got. but what have you stopped a quiz Halfway to Plymouth and you have to pay for the fair to Plymouth? What do you mean? He's already got his winning which at that point is about 30. How much do you're winning? Like what are we talking here?

Like thousands. No, like 10 quid at first and then 50 pounds for the next five questions then the next seven were 100 and then any question after that is 500 pounds per question. If I got in a cabin of quiz guy, I'll pay you 500 to not fucking talk to me. Keep your money and shut up.

I will double your money and just be quiet, please. You're just getting every taxi and go, Woo, woo, woo, whoa, shut the fuck up. They were going to stop and ask someone on the street for help. Yeah, yeah, that was like their lifeline. Respect. Like, he's like, hang out of the window,

girl, that's that fucking can't there. 11 o'clock? It was green four weeks ago. 11 a.m. in the morning? What? 11 a.m. It was on 11 a. m.

You said it was on in the morning. It wasn't live. He just lends out the windows. asked that cunt over there. Yeah. Was the question who was the queen four weeks ago?

Is that the question that they just did the drive by on? I think so, yeah. She was an example of the questions. I haven't got it. It doesn't, doesn't have my own Wikipedia.

It just as it's general, just general knowledge. How many episodes did they do? They did 40 episodes. It wasn't even on that long, Adam. How'd you have such a big memory of it? It was just such a core

part of my child, the one? Yeah. Yeah? 2005. I also, like, I was a big fan of quizzes when I was a child. Are you good at a

Uh, sometimes, yeah. If I know it, I know it, if I don't, I don't, you know? Yeah, I mean, yeah, that's the way you're gonna look at it, isn't it? It's the sort of premise of a quiz, isn't it? And that's lame, during the question. That's everyone, isn't it? We did pointless together. Yeah, and you fucked it up.

We were a team on celebrity points. Yeah. We were. Did you fuck it? Oh, he put it in the fucking wall. Yeah, we were quite clear again. Because I was, what was? It was a name of famous John

or an actor who plays a famous John. And I was like, everyone's going to know John Snow is Kit Harrington. And then no one knew that because obviously like the people on the streets don't have Sky. But yeah, I did. I fucked it. Sorry, mate. Do you know, I was so convinced

that like they'd completely erased that episode because it never aired for fucking years. It was like two and a half years later it went on. Yeah? Because I didn't like, I remember getting asked to do it. I was at hot water. Like it was December we filmed it.

It was December Jordan COVID. It was round law has gone. Yeah, yeah, it was about... Yeah, so it's that December 21. Yeah. So... Because we had the screen in between us, didn't we? Like, it was all plastic.

And, like, all... You didn't... So it was at Lestree Studios in, like, North London. So I got, like, the train down to Houston, and then you had to get, like, a cab, which takes, like an hour and a half out of London to Elstree. And then they were like, yeah, so...

I think I had to be there at, like, fucking 10 a.m. in the morning. Yeah. And we didn't film our bit till about four in the afternoon. Because of COVID, you were just in a cupboard on your own for six hours. It was mad. And yeah, they were like, yeah,

Grace, off your pop, got paid for her. I was just like, fucking hell. Like the next two or three series of celebrity points were on. And we were just wearing on it. And I was like, oh, maybe they just put that in the bin. And then I was at Josh Hughes, housewoman. And his ma was blathered, right?

Because she was like, me babies bought her house, right? And then at one point I just heard they go, Ah, Adam's on the telly. She was the only one watching the telly. And we were all like, yeah, sure. Adam's on the telly. I thought maybe she'd put

like a fucking YouTube video on and she's gone, oh, I'm going to put Adam on like, like, don't know what I'm, me, me mate's one. And she's like, no, you're on the BBC? And I was like, oh, yeah, fucking course I am. And I come in, yeah, and it was... Me ruining your TV appearance. Yeah, yeah, you fucking writing me off

from all quizzes forever. How much did you win for chance? I've actually been back on it since. She doesn't want to give any money away, mate? We didn't win anything for chance. They didn't, like, a hundred quid or something, like, as a payment, but you don't give you anything. If you low, well, no, if you win, you get it.

But if you get paid to go on quiz shows. No, I know that, but I'm saying, if you're doing it for charity, they give the charity, like a payment of some sort, but you don't win the money, yeah. Because it was funny. We lost to Matthew Wright. Yeah, we did. Isn't the right stuff?

Yeah, Matthew. And he had one of those little rats tails at the time. He had a rat tail, yeah. He had a shit. You know that, like, the kid who's parents don't need him to shower used to have at school. Abadio. Is he all right? A baggio.

Or like a Wilson, Palacios. Yeah, Wilson Plasio. I think he thought I worked on the shower as well. Do you think? I don't think he realized that was a contestant when he first come out because obviously I knew he was

for I went to my mate you know, right and he went yeah, no, I'm all right thank you, no, what he is. I think he thought I'd said like, do you want a buddy? He thought you were my agent. It's like, oh, there he is.

Hey, it's not the right stuff anymore, it's the Richardson stuff. Fuck off. The right stuff is the home of the greatest clip ever on the internet ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever. When he rings up that, that bitch. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Three times. The back to back one. Yeah, yeah. My God. So he's got like a consistent prank caller. Yeah. You know, like he does like the phone him bit on the show. So there's a fella who rings up regularly.

And let's say her name is like Susan Sarandon, right? The fella rings up and he'll do like this. Is that Sharon, that bitch Sharon or something? Sharon Sutton or no, he full names her. Does he right? So let's just say it's Susan Sarandon, right? So he rings up and he'd be like, yeah, you know, because it'll be like, what do you think about like,

the rise and cost of the inflation thing in London City cent, whatever it is, you know. And this fellow running up for me like, yeah, you know, blah, blah, blah. And the thing is, at the end of the day, this is worse than that bitch, Susan Sarant. And because it's live, he has to cut it and go, no, right, we're really sorry about him.

Like, really, he does that a lot. He's, you know, he's a real pain and he keeps getting through our security systems knocking it anymore from him. Anyway, next caller. And the net, he's rang up on two phones. He does a different voice. Next score.

It's fantastic. Not enough people are calling in that they can't have them. It's like, you know, Ian Lee used to be on talk radio, and he... Yeah, he's having a bit of a pub look breakdown in he? Yeah, yeah. Well, I took over a radio show from him, and he's been cutting me off on the internet since. Has he?

Yeah, well, a few... Yeah, he was a few years ago. And then I spoke about it on TikTok, and he then was like, I don't remember it happening that way. And I'm like, that it fucking did. But anyway, he used to have a... prank call it, and it was Bob Mortimer. But Bob Mortimer has never confirmed it,

but everyone sort of knew it was Bob Mortimer. I don't know if Ian knew. And he'd call up and do mad accents at like one in the morning when he was bored. On a radio show with like no listeners. It's just another thing to make you love Bob Mortimer. If you didn't think you could love Bob Mortimer even more than this. And it wasn't when it's not being filmed,

so it's not even like, oh, it's going to go viral. It's just for his own pleasure. What a king. What an amazing. Amazing guy. Have you done quite a lot of those sort of celebrity, pointless? I know you did.

Yeah, I've done the chase, pointless. It was your chaser? I was against the cinema. Oh. And then a different one. It was the Christmas special, so then we did a different one in the, in the end chase.

We didn't win. It was me, Mary from Corrie. Me and Mary from Corrie because the other two, Jimmy Osmond and Kirsty Walk got knocked out. Jimmy Osmond? He was fucking terrible. From the Osmond's. Fuck on.

Awful. Did you get to me, Donnie and Marie? No, they weren't there. I got away with him. I don't think if Donnie Osmond's there, I'm getting on the show. Yeah, but if he, like, maybe Donnie's, like, agent was a bit, like, two arbor. I was like, we'll give you fucking Jimmy. It's flown in just to do it.

It'll be there. My mum loved Donny Osmond. She's about her mom. My mum loves Donny Osmond. I did get my mum to meet Donnie Osmond once on a show. And she, and she went up to him and said, um, uh, I sleep with you every night because my mom was Donnie Osmond shirt in bed. And he was like, sorry, what?

Wow. I'm a Mormon man. That isn't the kind of thing I want to hear. Is he a Mormon? Yeah, and then my aunt went with her and said to him, oh, you're on my bucket list. And he went, did you say, I'm on your fucket list? And in a way, she did.

Yeah, she would have happily slept with him. It's big Donnie and Mormon. Yeah, they're all big Mormons, the Osmans. But surely like, that's a good thing for them, because the Mormon men fuck all the women. They want, well, his wives are in it. They won't fuck them, but they'll marry him. Come on.

Yeah. Yeah. It must be good for the wives as well because you're on a, you know, you're on a rotor at home. Crazy horses, man. What was that about? I don't know. It's quite a weird song for them.

It's the only good one. Yeah, but it makes no, it's the odds with a song. What? They were the song called Crazy horses, where they go crazy horses and they just make horse losers. I like question is, what was that about? It's like quite a rock and roll song for people that don't drink. I'm not so I'm not.

Seinfeld me. Ever? What's the deal with crazy horses? Once they get him and it got him. Is his car's new Midnighties observational comic bit? No, I just think you see the Oswans are like all clean Like your mum loves them. Put that out the episode, put that in his stand-up set when he does it.

What's the deal with crazy horses? The odds moms are my right? No, wait, they're so like, whoa, what I mean? It's like the Jackson fan. Like today was a good day. Like that don't go. with them. It'd be like BTS doing a metal song.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Also, this is 1975, I'm guessing. Oh, that long ago, yeah, maybe. Osman's gone wild. Good for them. What's the other stuff like? I don't know. The other stuff, well,

Jimmy Osmond's, puppy love is a Donnie Osmond song, isn't it? And they call it puppy love. Love songs, all about animals, yeah. Lovely voice, man. It's like quite three, like Cliff Richard or something. Yeah, it's very Cliff Richard.

Yeah. Crazy horses Weir! Bown on, Blom, brum, bum, bum, bum, bum, oh mate, crazy horses are fucking banger. But devil would be yourself

an Americanophile and you don't know crazy horses. This is unacceptable. I know the song. You didn't know it was an Osgan. And you blame me that we lost pointless. You don't know anything. We didn't get asked anything

on the odd ones. He just smoked it. On the chase. Are they actively trying to stop charity getting money then, the chase? Yeah, they're playing seriously. But I think the questions are probably easier

for when you're playing for charity. Like I had questions about a lot of the things that I am publicly into. Oh, right, okay. Did you win? No, we, we, we, we, so I did a really good chase. I got nine grand in the cash builder,

then 60 grand in the chase and then we fucked it. Did you take the nine grand that you don't, you didn't go up or down? I went up, so I went up. And you got 60? Yeah, yeah. And then Jimmy Osmond went, I'm going to go up like him and he fucking shouldn't have done.

Wow. Because it's quite an English show and like he didn't know anything. Is it not a bit, there's a bit like an incident. side of knowledge that you work with Paul Sinner is he not taking it easy on you? No, if anything, I think he took it harder.

Shut up. Shut up. Yeah, I think they want to win. Like, they are all like... Like, when their chance to get some more, they go fucking get in. And they made up. Yeah, I think so.

Although, ironically, I was playing for the autistic society, so they'd have got the money either way. Bushman's all of it. They get a bonus to chases, don't they? Do they? Yeah, yeah. I didn't know that. Yeah, sort of like an underground the week.

Underground the win. To stop autistic kids getting money. Get it in. No wonder they're telling me. It must be on a bonus, otherwise you would just like let it go. I think they're doing it because they're all like professional quizzes. Like Paul's always quiz. And I think it's the, you don't want to be seen as not good at that

because it's a, you know, a world where they all love it and there's a lot of competition. You don't want to be the shitters chaser. Yeah? Can you imagine? You're playing for your place, aren't you? Sean Wallace, the Dark Destroyers,

the shit is chasing, though, and he? Is he? Do you think? Are you fucking joking? He has, like, the most arrogance as well, apart from the Beast.

The Beast's funny, when he goes, I don't know, give up, you win. Yeah, yeah. He's, like, got this, like,

like, sort of, like, Donkey Kong Bowser level energy where he's like, I'm, I'll just fucking batty as all. He's like the Head of Team Rockets.

He's always trying to be, like, he's trying to be, like, condesending him, somebody's got a list, but it doesn't work. He's like, I'm going to thwart you there. And then he's just not good enough.

It worked for Tyson because he was nailed. I'm going to take you. He's going to hurt you. He's going to smoke in this quiz. I'm going to smoke you. I'm going to hurt you. I'm going to hurt your family. The answer's like Thailand and he can't say it.

That's incorrect Thailand, John. That's what I said. Sorry, it was Thailand. Oh my God. He's just not as good. Does the rest of them? Who's the beast the best one? He's the most godology.

I thought Anne Hegarty's the best one. Anne Hegattie seems quite good. I think she's the second best one. What's her nickname? The governess. Oh, right. They didn't not just call it Anne Hegety. Whenever else is got...

Well, they've kept the Dark Destroyer. They're going to give her something, aren't they? That's aged quite badly as a nickname. She reminds me of Henry D.Afe. I know exactly what you mean. She knows what I mean? I think she's like an amalgamation of all his wives. Yeah, and him.

And she wears us clobber and talk like him. Yeah. She looks. looks like a chuder. They're all named after dildos as well. The governess, the dark destroyer, the sin a man. The beast and hegety. Even the vixen.

There could all be sex-to- What's the Irish fella called? Who's the new fella? He's good, I like him. He is the menace. He's big red, then he? Yeah, yeah. He's cool. He's good, he's great.

Is he? I do know the menace. We are pals. Is he cool? He's fucking cool. And he knows everything. Should be having, like, a chat to him? And he's like, oh, that's really interesting.

because in 1834, you're like, I'm being chased. This is so exciting. And he loves the Simpsons. I love a Simpsons. Yeah, yeah. Are you a Big Simpsons? Yeah, yeah, I love it. Would that be your Mastermind Specialist?

Yeah, probably, yes, specific seasons, maybe like three to seven. That's what you should do in my... Don't go too wide with Mastermind. Yeah, yeah. Have you done it? No. What would yours be? Friends.

And if I can pick a season, friends, season seven. Which one of your friends? Carl. I'm sitting there go, that is correct, yeah? I genuinely, have a better chance on the TV show friends than him. If my subject was either Carl or friends. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

What would yours be? The Formula One, 1995 for 2004. We've done this and he did that. And I will make no money for autistic children. But I enjoyed the sport at the time. Making money for yourself. What was yours? I did Concord.

Sorry? You sexy past. What day was the last flight? It was, oh God, it was in 2003, December 2003. I don't remember the exact day. I didn't do very well on my main chase. I didn't realize it had crashed.

You also got the month wrong. November. Oh yeah, there we go. There were delays. What can you do? How big was it? Concord. Massive month.

Correct. On a scale of Concord? Dead big. What, fucking hell. He knows his stuff. Jesus. How fast was it? Really fast?

Poor, you know. Have you built it? Ticket expensive. It was fast. It was being a sound, won't it? Yeah, yeah. That was the thing. It broke.

It broke. It was like two. It was the fastest flight was like two hours and 50 to New York. Yeah, and if you study, yeah, and shouted to someone in New York and then got on Concord, you beat your own voice there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You get to New York before you left. You go, hey! And you get it, and you get it, and you're there, eh. It's true. In Nepal as well, it's 2084 now. So, no, sorry. Oh, yeah, I saw that.

Nepal's just changed the year, apparently. Yeah, it's 2084 now. Really? Yeah. Can they do that? Ah, yeah. Bigger screech for a while, that. No, they've got a new calendar or what is it?

No, they've just got a different calendar. They just don't, they don't respect Christ. Wow. Then apparently we do all of a sudden. It's 56 years ahead. It's the Naya Barsha calendar. So if they've got like hoverboards and that? Yeah.

Yeah. They can all fly. And if they shout to New York, they can get there before the area. They're not going to hear it for ages. In 50 years. Was that? They were the scouser.

I'd love to have one on Concord. Yeah, it was like 12 grand a ticket, that was really expensive. You have to be like... Why are you so into Concord, man? I wasn't really... I like planes. I don't think I've been talking about this today. I'm a... I like planes a lot. It's the ultimate plane.

It explains your charity. I wanted to do British Airways, and they said, you can't because it's a brand, but I wanted a gold card. And I thought that was a good way to do it. And then, so they went, can you do one? I was going to do the jumbo jet, but they're still flying. And they went, if there's a crash, we can't then show this episode. so can you do one that doesn't fly anymore.

And that's how we landed on Concord. Pardon the part of it. Because it already crashed. Yeah, because it already killed people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But French people, so. What? They're bringing it back, are they?

Well, they're trying to do something, aren't they? And get like, I think Virgin have put a load of, I mean, Virgin have put a load of money into, like, a supersonic plane or some sort. I think it's because conspiracy theorists was starting to lump it in with the moon landings. Really? Yeah, so.

No, Matt. Before he starts. No. He just points on a cold on. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Katie Perry or something. Go on.

Neil Armstrong. Katie Perry. By the way, Neil Armstrong. Neil A. Yeah? Yeah? Backwards. Alien.

I think you're on to something in there, mate. It's not Rogan. Tell me or not. So, basically, conspiracy theorists, yeah? They were all going. Right, so hang on. We could go to the moon back then. but we can't anymore,

which is true, by the way. I don't know whether you know about that. They've just been round it, though, this week. Yeah, yeah, but we haven't been back. They deleted all the technology and all, like, the blueprints and that, it all got deleted, which, look, I'm not a conspiracy theorist,

but... It sounds like you fucking... That does stink, don't it? If you're like, to be barely goes to the moon, yeah, of course we did. Is this your slide into the manosphere? Show us the fucking drawings, then,

for the plane and that. Oh, sorry, sorry. burned all them, but we definitely went, it stinks, it's the moon. But you know if you get a powerful enough telescope, you can see the flag on the moon? Of course, can you?

Well, how do we know it hasn't, wasn't all of the day? And they've just turned the moon around. Is that true? Yeah, like, with the proper telescope, you can see, because we've left all the shit up there.

You can draw a knob on the telescope. There's one telescope on the planet that you can do this with, and I reckon they've just drawn a tiny little flag on it, on the lens, it's bollocks, right? Hang on,

this flag's moving. This flag's in space. Do you not think we meant. Do you genuinely not think we went to the moon? Come on, mate. Come on, mate. You've heard my years of research. You don't think we went?

I think it's possible, but it's stinky. I don't think you have what I said. A. Meal A. Alien. Yeah. They deleted the blueprints, my. Why? Why?

Why would they do that? Because you don't need them anymore. What if we want to go back? What if I want to go back? We left a flag. They don't want to go back. There's nothing there. They're fuck all there, mate.

It's extremely dangerous and expensive. There's nothing to do. There's more science now for them to be able to go. What science? 60 years ago or 50 years ago. Yeah. There's more stuff, but there's nothing up there. Like, we know about them.

Oh, we've been now. No needs to ever go there again. I've been in the park by ours. Not much going on. There's a few ducks and that, but I still want to go back. Yeah, because there's more science. We've got to go back to the park.

No, what I mean is. If you went back now, there's more technology to go, oh, there was stuff here. Oh my God. But the only went in the first place. I said, the Americans went because they wanted to beat the Russians to it. And then once they beat the Russians and had been a few times, they're like, well, what else do we need to go for?

And we know loads about the moon. We know more about the moon than the bottom of the ocean, don't we? So, like, they're just, it's a waste of money. Bullocks. Anyway, the conspiracy fairness were also like, right, Concord, then what happened now? They've been out of ideas, be honest. And the Concord people were like, oh,

yeah, we fucking, we decommissioned it. Like, we don't, uh, we don't know how to get it to do that again. Well, they do, but it's really, we're like, ah, it's just another moon thing. I don't think that's right. I think Concord was real. The, how the fastest... Wow.

That's really brave. Say it's the fastest American Jeff Fighter can go like 7,000 miles away. Yeah, like those, like the SR 71 that can, is like... Oh, yes. I watched the video on that last week. Did you? Yeah, it's it, because I... Did you come at the end like I did, or?

Or, yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that the big black triangle stealth one? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Dark Destroyer, they call it. How fast can it go? 1,900 miles an hour. No, no, that's not even close to being the fastest one. There's one that can go like 5,000 kilometers an hour.

That's really, operational fighter in it or something. I know, this is called Miko Jan MiG 31. Oh, we don't want them going fast. Oh, wait, sorry. Thank you. The good boys, please. X-103, 5,239 kilometers. I know the Articuno thing that was happening last week.

Artemis. Artemis. I read about that and it said at its absolute peak velocity, it was going like X amount an hour. And that could get you from New York to L.A. in six minutes. And I just thought it's not that quick. Doesn't seem that quick. Yeah, do certain in a different country.

That's just in the same place. 25,000 miles an hour. Yeah, just doesn't feel that quick. New York to L.A. in six minutes doesn't feel that quick. How long does it normally take? Six hours. Six hour flight.

Give me somewhere where I can... That's just all in America, isn't it? I like I don't know. I think it's because of both six. Do you know what I mean? No, not really. Like a dummy head in. I don't think he's not that charity money up, by the way.

I don't think he's clever enough to get a diagnosis. So, Matt, you studied publishing? Yeah, but... Smooth. Wow. Are we doing podcast awards at the end of the year? Because that might be the smooth, smoothest transition goes to Finn.

They feel good, then, but he doesn't, he's not even got any prep on you, he just knows. Just not about it. Just a vibe. What do you mean? What's studying, publishing? Once, like, the business of publishing,

like, it was magazines and, like, books and stuff. She'd learn to, like, edit books and, like, magazine design, all that sort of stuff. But I only did a year and a half. How did you ever have to edit a book? Because you go through and you say that sentence doesn't make sense or you need to get rid of this to change the narrative structure, like speed up how this is going.

Isn't that all down to the author, I don't know? No, no, no, mate. It's like, like a stand-up director with a show, that's what an editor does for publishers. They're like tighten it up, sort of, it's just a second set of eyes, isn't it? This way I'll never write a book. Not having someone to tell me shit like that.

Oh, you don't have to. You don't have to. I mean, you can, I'm sure you could, you know, you're your own agent. You could broker a deal where they just literally take it down from your initial notes. Absolutely unfiltered. It would sell.

I think it would damage your career quite badly. 40 pages. You just on his phone. Yeah, lab, yeah. Where's chapters three through nine? Shut up. Come here. What's the best book you've ever edited?

And after that, Matt, where'd you get your idea, isn't on? How is this one of the biggest podcasts in the fucking country? World. Because you're having fun, aren't you? You're having fun. I'm having a lovely talk.

And as all these other podcasts would sit you down and be like, tell us what it was like to do this and that. Do people listen to this in LA? How long does it take them to get it from here? We've bought a few American. What's happening? Thanks, American. Tell us how long it takes you get from New York to L.A.

No, did you ever like the first catcher in the Rye edition or sort of? I've never, I studied it. I dropped out. I've never edited a book. We just had to go through passages and start to learn how to do it. But I ended up dropping out of uni to do stand up. Good decision. Much better decision for me.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's the way to do it, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. So I've never went and then I didn't go back. They told me I should probably go because my attendance was 8%. Wow. Because I was gigging a lot.

And I was working a bit as well. And they were like, what's going on? I went, it's just not for me this. So how old are you at that point? Did you go straight to uni? Yeah, 18. So I did my first gig when I was 18. But you were young doing extra factor, weren't you?

22. So four years in? Four years in. I got that job. Yeah. Some would argue far too early. I like it. Thank you, mate.

That's very kind. The general public didn't really agree. I didn't like that. We all into it. Do you think you got that too early? Well, like, I was doing like Middles in the clock. I'd never done any telly. So then all of a sudden you're, like, I was living at home with my parents and like had a day job a year before.

And then, yeah, all of a sudden you're like, I replaced Olly Mers and then you're sort of interviewing Sharon Osborne and she's asking you if you like to look out women. And your answer was? I don't, like, I'm married now, I don't have to. But like... Was that the extra factor? Because I never watched that. No, but she, it's the first thing.

So they kept me. me with Sharon, they kept me away from her, like all the judges for the first day I was going to meet them and I was going to meet him on camera. And she came over and she went, nice to meet you, Matt. Tell me, do you like to lick out girls? And I was like, oh, um, and she went, your hesitation makes me think you don't. And that was my first experience. Was she calling you gay, do you reckon?

No, Louis Walsh called me gay quite a bit, but Sharon was just being... Fucking the lady doth protest too much? Yeah, I don't know what he's talking about. Louis Wollsch, she's meant to be a gay man, isn't he? Yeah, but he's very litigious. Is he? Yeah, I think so. I don't know what, I don't know what his sexuality is. I never met his wife or husband.

Yeah. I don't know what he is either. I think he's gay. Sexless. Oh? It's like a, like, you know. Like a Kendall. Yeah, like a Kendall.

Yeah, very much. By Louis Walsh, by the way. Class. Look, man, look, I don't have this sort of bait like he will destroy my life. You'll be fine. Is he,

I'm going to talk about him. Sharon, I was born asking you that. Keep going. Keep going. Sharon, I was born asking you that might have been propositioning you. Because what I, like, when I was born died. Yeah.

I watch loads of, like, interviews with him and her and, like, sort of got a bit obsessed with their relationship for a couple of weeks. And she used to let him shag around as long as he always come back to her. Really? Yeah, so, like, there was a time where they were on tour in Japan, and he got bladded and took a girl back to his hotel room, and Sharon was there with him. He forgot she took Sharon to Japan.

And she was just like, go away. And she was always just like, look, don't ever have an affair on me. Like a relationship thing. But just if you want, if you got to do that, go and do it. maybe they had a two-way street there and she was asking you to use her box? Maybe. Maybe. Was she highly sexualised?

No, but she was really fun and just loved being inappropriate. Like, we went, I say not highly sexualised. We went out for dinner once and it was me, her and Louie after a show and I was like, oh, do you think you'll do the show next year? And she went, Simon would have to lick my cunt for an hour for me to consider it. She really?

Did she do the next season? No. That's a shame. What would you have done? If she didn't go back to be a hotel room and Ozzy was there and she forgot she brought Azey on to him. He's not gonna notice.

Just juddering around the room like a rumba. Is that Rajah? She's got a brand new head as well. Don't know if you've noticed. Just when my career's on the up again. I've fucked it by coming on here. Satya, you're aajajah! At her pretty good Azia's one.

Has he disagreed now, Jack? Has he took himself hard on the round? I've not seen anything. I think he's got a family and stuff now, hasn't he? like he's just like chilling and living his life. He grew up here and got bored and didn't he? Well, he's just coming to some money. I imagine.

So he's like just chilling out, I guess. Yeah, because there's another, there's another sibling, isn't there? He didn't want to be a part of it. Amy, who wasn't in the Osbournes? I fucking loved the Osbournes. Yeah. She's like a real estate executive, isn't you?

Yeah, she just didn't want to be part of the... Yeah, she's like, yeah, just doesn't want to be on telly, but he's like very involved in everything else, I think. I didn't realize how much money Black Sabbath made. And Ozzy Osbourne, like, because I knew him from the Osbournes. I didn't realize they'd made that much cash.

A super group. Yeah. Right through the eras as well. Like they'd been, those groups that, like, got massive success in the 70s have smashed it for years. And just a massive tours all the time. And also were massive in, like, Brazil

and played stadiums all around the world. He was, like, influenced the next generation and he's also of that era. Like, I don't think this happens anymore. But, like, our parents and our parents' parents' generation passed on their music tastes and were like, my kid loves the person I did.

So anyone who's like into that type of music, even if they're young now, they're into Black Sabbath. And he was an icon, wasn't he? Because it wasn't just the music. He was shoving bats up his ass and everything on stage. So he was known for like big things. I don't ask questions.

I don't think in two generations there's going to be like, I don't think there'll be Swifties two generations from now. What are you doing? You don't want to play with that fan base. No, I think Taylor Smith's fine. I went and seen that. but like they think she's going to be, you know, like Cleopatra and will be around forever.

I think that's a bad example. I think that's a bad example. Yeah, man. White girls will always be basic. Like they're gonna, she's going to be around. But won't they have a new basic white girl to like? Maybe.

They've already got her. Serena Carpenter's here. They've already replaced her. Yeah, the screener carpenter's not the same as Taylor Swift. It's not as emotional, is it? She's more like her just a pop girlie. Whereas Taylor Swift is like they're entrapped in her.

It's like this weird parisocial thing. You must, do you have fans like that are like, oh my God. boys. Yes. Yeah. Do you? One adult. I think great.

Oh, we love them. I had one, but she went to prison. Sorry? She went to prison for attempted murder. Of you? No, no. She tried to kill her dad by putting anti-freezing his cherry lambrini.

No. She used to come to Big Brother and be like, I read about the aftershave you like, I put it on my pillow. And then she stopped coming. And the person who ran the audience was like, fucking, she's gone to prison for murder, mate. It's every week with us now, this?

Murder? The attempted murder thing. Yeah. We had Ed Hedges on last week. Oh, yeah. Oh my God, like he's had a mad few years. He has had a few years.

Because I remember, like, only like last year or something. I was with someone. I was like, whatever, Ed Hedges was good. Why is he not gigging so much anymore? We all know now. Well, post COVID, he got a job.

Okay. He was like, I'm working on this podcast thing with an old Edmund show and like whatever, see if that works. But he went and got a proper back up after COVID because he's like, I'm not earning enough from clubs

for it to go from that to enough. Yeah, yeah. Oh, fair enough. Did you ever hang out with Sab and Cowell? No, I met him twice. He wasn't on my year. I was a fallow year for Simon. Oh, you Gary?

I was a Gary year, yeah, yeah. Well, I really like Gary Barlow. He was really cool and gave me some really good tax tips. And but Simon, so I met him twice. Once at the launch, he forgot my name. He was like, thank you to Caroline and the other one. And then I got battered at the Pride of Britain Awards and went up to him and asked him for my P-45.

because they'd fired me a couple of months earlier, and he didn't know what I was talking about. I don't think you remembered me. Were you the year with the Talisa Fagash Breath thing? No, I was the year after that. I was Nicole, not Talisa. Right. So who was your, Nicole, Gary.

Sharon Louie. Sharon Louie. And who won? Sam Bailey, who was the prison officer. Yeah. Oh, the one direction time, though. It was like a, one direction was maybe 20, like a couple of years before. I don't know.

Like, because they came and did stuff. Like, I met them as a music guest, but they weren't on the show at the time. She was the only, Sam Bailey, I think, still knocks around, but like no one else from that year is doing anything. Yeah. Who else was on it?

Like, what are the names? Oh, the people. There was... Because I used to watch it. Shelly was one of the girls. When was Honey G? No, Honey G was like, Honey G., my nemesis was after my time.

Nemesis? Yeah, Honey G., fucking hates me. Why? Because we did coach trip together. And you kept kept getting the question. This is, like, this is the dregs of television you're talking about this week with me,

but I did celebrity coach trip where I went around Portugal with HoneyGill. Is this on YouTube? It is on YouTube. Oh, you want to watch it? You got paired up. No, no, I was with someone else, but she was on there.

HoneyGee and a girl from the valleys were together. And it was like, us, fucking Paul Donan and an Olympian were together. And they were, like, Paul Danan at one point was going, you know, I just, can you not vote for me? Because if I win this, I think I can get the Love Island hosting job. It's fucking coach trip, man.

What do you mean? And there were arguments. Every night everyone was arguing about who was voting for who. Like it was a nightmare. But Honey G came on and at one point, she told me, and she voted for me and my mate Will Best, who I did it with.

And she was like, oh, you're just really, I think you're just putting on a facade. And I went, thanks for that, Honey G. She never forgave me. The clip's fucking great. Like, it's one of the best things

I've ever done on television. But for days afterwards in interviews, she'd be like, Matt diss me, man. All right, rap about it. She was quite douged. And at one point, Will, we were chatting to him. And we sort of alluded to the fact that HoneyGee is a character, like that it's sort of like it's wink, wink,

she knows what it is. And she got really upset and went, I'm a genuine urban artist. And another time, Will used to do drum and bass nights. She used to DJ him. And he was talking about drum and bass. And she went, yeah, man, I love drum and bass. And he goes, oh, me too.

What are you into? And she just went, all of it. The greatest. The best of the German best. This guy called Daniel Beddingfield. I don't know if you, but yeah, she didn't like me. It's like when Trump got asked about the Bible.

Have you seen that? Yeah. I'm seeing that. Like, I'm a big Christian. Love the Bible. And they're like, what's you? You know, like, pick a passage, what one, like, whatever. And he's like, well, to begin with, he's like, that's very personal.

You shouldn't ask me that. Yeah. And they go, are you a New Testament guy or an Old Testament Testament guy? He goes, both equal. Fucking dude. You walk past every dog that barks. I'd love to do coach trip.

I thought genuinely think... It was the worst thing I've ever, like the most, the least I've ever enjoyed any of those. We do it about three times a year. That'd be a, patron specialised. You should do a comedian's coach trip.

It would be... The bit that's good about it is like, so we went, I had a tax bill out of COVID, right? And I, you know, and dancing on ice hadn't quite covered it. So... You have done some TV, I've done everything.

And like, so I went on it, and I went, My big Will Best, who's now hosting Big Brother. Good for him. So we went on and we were like, I'd spoken to like Brennan had done it, right? Brennan, Stephen Bailey. And I went, what's it like? And I went, what's it like to them?

And they went, it's a really good laugh. Like, whatever. The days are a bit long. The year we went on it, we were like, this is the last year they're going to not do a psych test because everyone was mad. Like, Paul Dernan was like, I think fresh out of rehab and like was like sort of all over the shop. There was this little guy who'd come last in the judo in the Olympics who like was very

angry if we voted for him. It was just carnage. Like, it was awful. Leslie Joseph from birds, Leslie Joseph and Linda Robson from Birds of a Feather, who were very nice, but at one point,

Leslie went, oh, we should all just take it in terms of voting for each other. And then the next day went, oh, so it's your turn to be voted for today. And she cried and everyone had a go at me. And I was like, it was her idea. I feel like a lot of titles, though. Have you watched The American's Next Top Model documentary?

Oh, it's so good, isn't it? But it's just called, like, start to normal and it ends with just fires. Yeah, and it was just, it was everyone, like, there was all these arguments, you'd be in the bar and people would be going, you fucking voted for us. You voted for us.

It doesn't matter. Like, we're getting paid the same if we're on it for a week or three weeks. I want to go home. Oh, fucking vote me off, bro. Yeah, exactly. We went out second. Once the honey's got it voting out,

we went, well, there's nothing here for us anymore. Have you watched My The First Side? Oh, yeah, mad. The Australian one. Yeah. In COVID, when everyone was watching it, it's great. This season, I think, has to be one of the last, if not the last one.

Really? But the host Mel Schilling passed away last month, which is awful. And it's got to the point where... Sorry, you said there's a presenting job going. You've actually filled it. They filled it. Honey jeez.

Probably Joel Domit. That's every job I've ever gone for the last few years. It's like, oh, it's Joel. Good for you. Lovely. Lovely. Well done. Yep.

But everyone's just like wanting to be famous now and to do that. You have to just be a bit tapped. So it's like you've kind of jumped a shark. No one's on it for the thing anymore. Well, it's like when Love Island started to go down. It's because people went, I want to do this and sell people tea that makes some shit themselves. You know, like that's why you go on it to be an influencer

rather than to actually like enjoy the thing. Which is shit, isn't it? It's kind of ruined any reality now. Yeah, but I think the weird thing, the celebrity version of Coach Trip is the closest to the civilian version of any show they do. Like, it's very sort of a thin membrane, isn't it?

What is it? I've never watched Coach Trip. You go on a coach holiday around Europe and you sort of do activities every day. Like one day we did pottery, did a port tasting. That's where I made Leslie Joseph cry. It's genuinely like the days we do.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like thin day, but they get to every new thing by coach. And then what happens is at the end of the day, you all stand round and there's a vote for who you want to leave the coach. And but you have to do it too weak. Like, it's not like it's a private vote.

You stand there and HoneyGie goes, I think you're a cunt mate. And it just causes carnage. And it's really good. And what happens is you get like a yellow card if you get voted for that day and then you leave on a red. But like, so everyone has stood around

and been like, we want you off because of X, Y and Z. And then you have to spend the next day with them. It's the best reality twist that, I think, getting everyone to vote for each other to their faces. And then do pottery the next day. And then you're doing pottery. You were two people from Geordie Shore who've told you they don't think you're any fun.

You're just not throwing yourself into the whole trip, are you, Matt? No. I don't want to be here. I was promised live at the Apollo. Should I have a break? Absolutely. My fuel. Yes.

Mafia. Mafia. You have a special dropping. Yeah, the 5th of June. Okay. Where's it going? Uh, YouTube, mate. Like, that's about as much as I can get.

Do you know what I mean? Like, we, we sort of shopped it around and the no thank yous were very loud. Well, at least you got some no thank yous. I got one email going, we've deleted that. Good luck with the special. YouTube's class. More people will see it there than anywhere else. That's what I mean?

Like, I've paid so, I got them to film it because I've never done one. You know, I know you've done a few over the years, but I just thought, I'm like, I like the show. And it's a good thing to get people to see you do stand up more. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, that's all. But I'm really happy with it. It's a good, I was happy with the show.

Class. You know, so I filmed it in Oxford. So where I'm from near Oxford, so I filmed it there, hometown gig. My godfather wouldn't stop talking for the support act because he'd been in the toilets,

having a good time. And at one point, he kept heckling me as well. And I was like, you need to shut the fuck up. Not all of us are doing Coke in the toilets, Vinner.

And then my other godfather went, we're both here. And I was like, yeah, but you've had a triple heart bypass day. So, so like, I wish I hadn't done it in my hometown.

Because my dad heckles me at gigs and stuff. They're all a fucking nightmare. Yeah. My dad's a real Jack the lad. My dad and his sister once got kicked out of hot water by Binty. And then my dad fronted Binty and tried to fight him. And I was like, I'm here to see me. I was closing the gig.

Yeah. I'm not even going to get to see my son. So like, this is fucking ridiculous. And they were pissed. They'd been out on the aisle. And I had to like, Dad, you can come see me again another time. And you can apologize to Binty then.

They were kicked out because, because they were waiting for me and bored by the middle act, which I think was Duncan Oakley, who was doing really well. Yeah, yeah. They were just like, this isn't my nephew or my son.

My auntie folded up the flyer for the next week's show and made it into a paper airplane and threw it at the stage. Oh my God. Was that in the holiday in? The holiday in, the big room, I remember?

Fuck. Like, my family always get picked on as well. So, like, I did one where years ago I did a show and, like, I had a bit about 50 shades of gray. It was around that time. And I went, my mum and dad were in, I went, oh, has anyone read it in the audience? And I went, oh, glad my mum didn't, glad my mum didn't yell.

And this was the less square theatre first time I'd done it. And my dad went, she doesn't need to read it, son. She is fucking living it. Like shit like that. Biggest laugh of the show, three minutes in. Where can you go after that? My godfather, as well, once he went to a guy, where are you from?

The Compaire asked him. And he went, I'm from Wantage in Oxfordshire. He goes, where's that? He goes, racing capital of the UK, because there's a load of horse racing around there. The guy went, racist capital of the UK. And he went, oh, yeah, no black horses in Wantage. Like they don't give a shit.

They just don't care. So all that's in the show. You mentioned something before that I thought it'd be quite interesting for us to talk about briefly. Because we do a monthly Patreon special. And a couple of years ago, we did two ghost hunts. So we went and did... Pontefract. Pontefract.

East Drive in Poncefract and Chillingham Castle. Chillingham Castle. And we've been sort of thinking about doing a third one for a while. We might do it later this year. Great. Just got to find the right sort of haunted place to go and do.

Yeah, yeah. Got to check their availability. Totally. You see if the ghosts are going to be in, you know? You don't want it to be like Chester Zoo and it's like cold and the lines days in.

You want the ghosts to be up, you know what I mean? You mentioned you've been ghostling. Well, I did, I hosted a show called Celebrity Haunted Mansion on W. On what? With me and,

me and Christine Lampard hosted it together. Well, we didn't catch her? No, no one did. Are we making up channels and people now. No. Christine Lampart. Put two and two together.

It's Christine Bleakley. She transitioned. She used to be in Chelsea. Nice. It's Christine Bleakley. Christine Bleakley. Married to Frank Lampert. Yeah, yeah.

So we host this show. We put celebrities in a haunted mansion. And I host, well, we did a hotel first year and then a mansion. And I hosted the spinoff show in the afternoon and then the main show with Christine. The spin off show, Celebrity Haunted Mansion, do not disturb. And at. Don't watch. And at one point on W, they came in like, we've, you've hit record numbers at 5pm.

it's the biggest show we've ever had. I was like, that's great news. How many have watched it? They're like, 48,000. See, but like, I think a lot of people watching this won't know that that is actually... That is horrendous. Pretty good for podcasting.

It's not bad for a podcast, but it's not, you know, it's small numbers. But anyway, so we put celebrities ghost hunting and we had Katie Price one year. Alison Hammond, we had really good people, actually. Craig Revel Horwood. And we just sent him off ghost hunting. Did you experience anything?

I did. I had to go in and tell Justin More. house off because he was on it as a celebrity and he was throwing pound coins in one of these big and a big old metal shed and everyone was going and the ghost hunting guy was like oh yeah they're in here like that and you can see justin on the infrared camera going but yeah it's um yes why went into him all and did like ghost hunts like me and christine went up this path and uh you know and this woman was the medium was like before we went up she went this schoolmaster who's haunting here is actually a paedophile and i was like oh do we know that and we know that we're

there's nothing about that in the history of this place. Like, she's like, no, no, he's told me. Oh, what? Is it a ghost paedophile or is a paedophile for he died? A paed before he died, and then he hung himself in the woods next to the schoolhouse. Wow. And they were going, don't mention that on W at 5pm, please.

So the ghost, the headmaster had gone up to him and gone, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm a paedophile now. Ooh, any kids? That's mental. Why would he say that? Is this the CBBC? Why would he say that? It's mental, isn't it?

Go snit on themselves. Maybe he's in like lost. Yeah, that's why he's trying to maybe he's trying to He's trying to exercise his demons so he can get to the good place. I'm like, oh, he's paedophile. Did that work? No.

There you go, Billy. Off your pop now. I'm full of the scound you on. That's what's kids. There's Katie plays over there. She's got a new head. So Katie Price did it and she was fucking great. Have you ever met her?

No, no. What a woman. Love her. Lovely. First time I did something with her. She was like, right, can take the piss out of me, can make jokes at my expense.

I don't care. I'm well up for it, right? And then the second time I met, she went, how old are you? And I told her at the time, I was like, what, 27 at the time, she went, but you've had a few wanks over me. Wow.

Like Charlott's, they come to you with the aggressive... Yeah, man. I sort of attract strong, terrifying women, it turns out. I think it's because you've got puppy energy, you know? Yeah, they think that I'm just sort of

will put up with it. No, I think they want, like, the puppy love. That's another husband's song. Yeah. I think they want the puppy love. Do you think? Yeah, like these scary, intimidating women.

That's why she went for Peter Andre, because she was like, I can fucking put him on a leash. That's going on my poster, the Peter Andre of comedy, Adam Rowe. Put him on a leash. Come on, Peter. Write me a musion.

But Katie was going around and going, if there's any ghosty, you can touch my tits, grab my minge. It was great fun. Oh, the ghosts were pedophiles, so they were into it. Yeah, it was a nightmare.

Five p.m., you say? It was on at 5pm, yeah. See, I've done it all. I've had a few conversations. You know, like, you know, you know, comedians who've done loads of credible stuff and turned stuff down whenever they see me they're like why do you say no to why don't you say no to anything i'm like i can't afford to you also you also did something that we've been another patron special you hosted the red bull

soapbox i did the red bull soapbox race yeah for a few years we won it we won it we won't we we won it meet in a london at a few years ago no you didn't no no they did no we didn't know we we know we know we won it so listen to this you know you've done this because i've not done it for a few We timed ourselves going down and then the time they gave us was bollocks. And the time they gave us was different to the time they televised. They put a longer time on the television thing.

No, they didn't. Yeah? By like six or seven seconds. And then also, we didn't pay attention for the rest of the day when people did it faster. So that's how you win it. No, they didn't. But it's not just about how fast you are because it's all about the dance you do at the top of the hill. Yeah, we smash that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He'd back flipped.

And it's all about, what was your soapbox like? What was the build? It was Les Dennis. It was Les Dennis. You did The soapbox was Les Dennis? A horse, yes. It looked, imagine like a sausage dog made of poo.

It looked like that. Oh, yeah. But it was meant to be Les Dennis. I never did the London one. I did like, we go all over, that was a fucking great job, just all over the world,

a day and a half's filming with like men on the spectrum. The hosts were Alex from Traitors, the blonde girl. Yeah. And it was the guy. From Talk Sport, on he? Was he?

Well, Darren's the, didn't you make him look like a knobbed? Yeah, and he didn't like me. Oh, really? What happened there? Yeah, because, Basically, because it was tele. You have to pause and wait?

You're like, have it been ready? Is the TV ready before we go? And he was filling with time when he went to, so when's the horse going to bolt? What do you mean? You went, when you're going to go? I went, well, you know, this is television, so we've got to, blah,

and like the whole audience went, no, I bet. That's fucking great. You know what? He's taken my job off that. Yeah, fuck him. Whoever it was. Yeah, fuck. We'd have had a laugh if you'd said that to me.

That's when it was on Dave, because it's not on Dave anymore. When it was on Dave, they wanted a comedian. It was on him. It was great. Channel 5, yeah. Yeah, yeah. It has been for the London one,

but, oh man, we went all over. Like, Tokyo, Sal Paolo, we went and did Dallas, like absolutely all over the place. They're brilliant. The countries that, like, they're the best are the ones where there are no safety regulations.

Yeah. Because we, they were, and we had banned phrases, so we couldn't say death trap. They're like, Red Bull didn't love that. Even though you'd see them, and you'd have to go, this is a little bit shunky,

isn't it? And what he meant is someone is going to lose an arm. This is a little bit mired a scheme. Yeah, yeah. I'm not sure about those wheels. So we put high vizers on and went round the pretender to MOT, all of the other contestants.

Oh, that's really fine. I mean, they wanted to ban us, didn't he? After the first day, our team got a warning, an official warning. Yeah. You know how rare those are in Soapbox? That's fucking great. We were telling people

they had to, like, change stuff on their thing. And because we had high vizers on, they were listening to us. We were just going around, going, oh, you can't have it like that. It has to be like this. And they're like, ah. Yeah.

We can't, and then we just broke into the whole production and ended up getting, we have an allowed, so people do the walk of the hill, don't they? Yeah, yeah. Me and Adam just ignored that and basically just went down. We were pretending to be staffed. If you've got high business on, people just let you anywhere.

They let you anywhere, yeah. So we just found a couple and then just went for the walk. We were just sat at the finish line. To be fair, drove fucking beautifully, did you? Thank you. It was amazing.

I'd never gone down in one because, like, people do really hurt themselves. It looked terrified. It was scary. Yeah, how can we can shower? Are we? Yeah, show, I want to, I'd love to see that. The television isn't plugged in.

No, we can't. Okay. One day, it hasn't been plugged in for months as well. Yeah, man, like, what a great thing to do, but yeah, they looks terrified. The buzz we got at the end was, oh my God. Like, at the start, we were like, this is fucking, bitch, like, you didn't crash on, you got all the way down. Yeah, and then we intentionally crashed at the end, and we'd agree to pretend we were

rarely hurt. And the, yeah, I can see why they had troubles with you, boss. And the safety staff were, like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, He was shitting themselves. They were like, oh my God, walkie-talkies, and we were, like, jump-off, and we were, like, yes! And the girl was like, if there was a crash,

when we were, when we were filming it, we would have to film them getting up at the end. Like, we couldn't show a crash unless, like, they walked away from it. What we did. Yeah, yeah, then that was fine. It's so fun, though. It looks right.

It's just fucking course. It's weird, though, because, like, loads of countries you go to, like, they're mad, the race, and then they don't react, like, they're not, like, they're not, like, I did one in Helsinki, and you're like, that was insane.

And they're like, it was the greatest feeling of my life. Like, I am absolutely basing. You're like, do you want to show it in any way? Get it's a thumb bag? Yeah, yeah. It's Finland, it? How, Jen.

Beets me at the Red Bull Soboxes. Oh, Mark, that's so good you did that. I didn't know you've done that. Oh, we loved it. I mean, we want to do it again? We want to do the Slaff and Fluegel one? Oh, that's where people get really hurt that one. Yeah, we've done that.

No. But they jump, there's the flug tag where they jump off. Yeah, yeah. Surely not. Because you just. fall into the water. The one that you're surrounded by like, like a hundred kilos of wood and stuff

and it lands on you. And you're high up enough, you hit the water. It's like concrete. It's not like, if it was concrete, people would die. So we've done ours.

We've done our time and that's them doing. It's them doing that. The flug tag. And there's a new one now where you have to cycle down a pole. Oh, that looks hard. Yeah, that looks hard. But that was great.

One of the best things we've ever done as a podcast. Oh, yeah. What a thing to do. Great. You have had a really sort of cool thing happened over the last few months where you started doing sort of an inside showbiz

like running video series on TikTok. Yeah. Have they gone on Instagram as well? I've just been doing them on TikTok. I wish I'd been putting them on Instagram because I've got to go and manually download them all if I want to do it. But yeah, just answering questions about showbiz

and like it started, I was on a talking head on telly and I just went, this is what it's like been a Zed list I don't even remember making the best 80s movie moments. And then someone just went, how much do you even get paid for that? And I went, oh, like, 500 quit. And then I just started answering questions that people want to know the answers to

and then have been quite honest about it. And it's sort of giving me a bit of a renaissance. And I've done enough shit. I've done enough. Because I've done a load of mad telly presenting and things. And radio that I've got a bit of everything. So I kind of have a rough working knowledge of it all. And ahead of coming in today,

yes. You sort of, to your new audience, who were asking questions about the inside of showbiz. You gave them the opportunity to ask questions to us. Yes, because when I've done them, when people mention comedians,

like often people will go, what do you think about, this comedian or that? You two come up more than anyone else. And I've spoken about you on it. And, but Dan comes up a lot whenever it's a comedian's comedian. Who are the comedians,

comedians? And everyone's always like, surely Dan Nightingale is a comedian's comedian. Like, everyone has that perception of you. So I thought, because people like talking about you on there, we could ask, I went, if you've got any questions for them, let's see.

And some of them are a bit honest, and some of them are quite deep these questions. So I've had them, you know, it's so like, it'll go, what's it like having an ear monitor in? And then it'll go, how does it feel that you never quite hit the heights that you were promised early in your career? But I'll answer them both as honestly as I can.

Like, yeah, how much? What's the most you've ever been paid? Shit like that, you know, and I'll answer them. But I've got a few here for you. This could be a run and thing, by the way, getting the guests to do the prep for us. Oh, mate, I am a big fan of this idea. Let's roll with this.

So this is the first one. The Benadorn Chief has asked, looking forward to this pod, who is the most hated comedian on the circuit? That's what they want you. That's their perception that you're going to say. I think, uh,

the most hated on the circuit is probably Will Franken. After what he did a few years ago. Is the question by the circuit or as it like, comedians you hate? Yeah, who's the, no, the most hated like generally on the circuit is what it is.

Yeah, I don't know if you ever gave with him but Todu was always pretty well hated wasn't he was not a very pleasant guy back in the day I never knew anything about him was in the balls of steel he was on balls of steel as the militant black guy it'd like get lifts off people

and he wouldn't give petrol money and he goes headliners don't pay yeah it's gonna get you that's not like he's not done anything like cancelable he just would be a bit of a prick there was a few when I started but this question only works if they're still around really

exactly because there was a Pete O'Hanson has got a up and down reputation. Yeah. Like if, because I've seen Pete, he's a great comic. Awful in agreement.

And nobody's been, this is almost what makes it more difficult with him. He's a great comic, so people hold him in a certain, because as soon as you're excellent, you can get away with more. But he's also been delightful company.

Like the friendliest guy in the room, which makes it more difficult where two out of three times, he's such a ball bag to people. Yeah. And it's actually like more difficult because he has been, nice to you in the past.

He's only ever been nice to me. Yeah, I heard. And then when you go in like, hey man, and you don't get that back. And you just get a total... Yeah, that can be tricky. It's a really... It's easier if they're consistently a bit of a bell end. Because then you're like, right, cool, I know who you are.

And I'll just deal with you appropriately. Is he in around the local second when you started? Because that name rings a bell to me. No, he's a Canadian. So he was like headlining when I started. Like, he was sort of quite big. Is he thinking of Pete Philipson? Maybe.

Is he La Borg guy with a beard? Yeah. Yeah, that's what I'm thinking of you. Yeah, he wasn't hated. No, I was confused. You see that's a lovely guy. Just to clear that up. Pete Phillipsson, lovely bloke.

And the only reason I mentioned, Will Frank, and he did a thing a few years ago where he did his own Edinburgh Awards, but it was all country awards. It was like most pathetic, emotional, but in a show, most, like, the next TV star who doesn't deserve it. Oh, I didn't see that.

He went to Edinburgh, did a load of, went to people's shows on press tickets, and then gave out his own awards at the end of the fringe. Which is super conti at the fringe because people are really trying. Yeah, and like they've spent a fortune and like their shows they've worked hard on. He also transitioned and then went, oh no, that was just a bit. Yeah, transitioned into Sarah and then was like, I don't know about that.

I think I'm sure. Yeah, yeah, that was the other thing that I thought you were talking about. I didn't realize about the awards. And the other question part of this is, who's the next big thing? Vitorio. He's already the thing. He's just on the Apollo, hasn't it? It spends what your class is the thing.

Is the thing telling you know? the thing big on the internet. Or just big, like, the next one that isn't maybe touring that's going to hit that kind of level or is going to, you know, get a bit of a rep as a great comic. It happens fast though now, isn't it? Yeah. A year and a half ago, Kyla was like doing well with videos.

Kyla Kaula Kaula. And now has hit a million. Like, she's selling out everything. But it feels like you hit like a point where it's, you kind of, it's going well and then it just, the floodgates open with it. You know, it's sort of, there's a... I think Kyla could be very well. well known.

Like, and she's doing great... Like a McNally level sort of. No, I think it's going to be more than that. And she could stand up as well. She's hit a million now. The tour is, I think there's a few more levels that Kyla can hit. She's just announced a three arena, hasn't she, in Dublin?

Yeah. This is... I think this is going to be household name sort of territory. And the thing is, as well, is Ireland are good at supporting their own and going, yeah, this person's good. We like them. We're going to go to stuff and do all that. In the same way that Liverpool does, right? Yeah.

Which you don't get in Oxfordshire. Can't even sell out shipping Norton. theatre. But yeah, I think that's what, so then it pushes it even further and you kind of hit this massive point. That's interesting. Who would you say? I mean, they're all Irish really, because I think, and they're all already

doing it. It's hard to pick the next week thing, but Vittorio is impossible to not mention in this. Mike Rice, I think is Oh, Mike is so good as well. I think Mike's one of the best stand-up comedians. And also, like, that matters to me. Like, I think there's some people doing well and selling tickets.

Who are dog shit? I just think, no, I think it's not that the dog shit, it's that they're selling stand-up tickets despite them not being good at that because they're good at something else. Yeah, yeah, that's fair. They're cashing in, really. Yeah, they're doing, you know, Instagram selfie videos

where it's characters and it's like, you know, every type of this person or whatever. And I'm not begrudging it. No. There's almost no other way to monetise that. It's not like they can get on stage and go is telling me videos. They have to do stand-up to do it. So I get it.

I'm not criticizing it. But there is people who were doing well online, whether it's from a podcast or sketches or whatever else it is. And then on tour, they're all so fucking great. And I think Mike, I think Mike could be

as big as both of Vittorio and Kyla. I think all, and the fact they're all really good mates as well. Yeah. I think they're all fantastic. What do you do? I totally agree with you with that because I think the problem is,

is you know, when they're doing, like people put on a tour and you go, okay, but you haven't done any stand-up really, like, or they'd go and do a year of gigs. I did a gig with a massive, you know, that Munya Chihuahua, you know, it's huge online. And he was doing, I did this gig with him.

And he's a really, like, funny guy, and you can tell he can write. And he was going, I'm doing 100 gigs before my tour starts. And I was like, that is not enough. And he was, you can tell he can write, but you just go, you can't, you can't fast track stagecraft and being comfortable on stage and all those things. There's no way to get better at stand-up than...

Do you got to do it? Than doing it loads. Yeah, there's no shortcut, so it's quite frustrating. Yeah. I haven't seen enough new acts. There's just, there's also just, a couple of comics that are also flying at the minute and doing that well. I think Janine Haruny's brilliant.

Yeah, she's doing really well, isn't she? She's selling really well, so again, it's not like, and then there's people who just are sort of, there's no one I worry about following more than Simon Wozniak. I think he's so fucking brilliant, but I don't know whether it's going to be the next big thing through a combination of, want to be, does he? Yeah, like, it's not good. I think, I don't think he's complained. No, no, but his thing is like, I don't know.

If Danny Mac got the next, like, if he got the vehicle, people love Danny Mac. One of the great compairs as well. And he's so good at stand-up. And he's so effortless as well. I think, like, going like big, like, say household namey, I think Jack Skipper could do it. Have you gigged with him? Yeah. He's a good stand-up and he's got the look.

He's sort of charming. He could do loads of, even though telly's not that important anymore, like he can go to that audience. He could do like a Saturday night show. Yeah, yeah. all-rounder, you know, I think he could be like arena filler. Totally. What's the next question?

The next question is, how much money do you guys make from Patreon? Loads. 35%, 35%, 30%. Yeah. Like, I mean, I think the perception with our patron is people go, right, they've got 30,000 patrons,

there's three, five and ten quids, tiers. And people go, oh, I think most of them are a tenor. The majority are three. And the massive majority. Massive majority of three. But also this is expensive. It's so expensive. And behind the camera now,

there are four members of the team. And so, so much of that money goes into the account and then goes on Patreon specials. And we earmark it for a year in advance. So I think people look at our thing and go, oh, they must all be on, you know, 50 grand the month each. We're earning good money. That's the rumor I heard.

We're in... Is it? Yeah, yeah. 50 grand a month. 50 grand in the month. That'll be boss. Was that actual rumour? Yeah, yeah, I heard it

from another comic that you're making that. I don't remember who, but that's going on. Belta, can we have that? Yeah, yeah. But it's the same... I mean, we'll be folded in a month. Someone looked at my tax return,

like my company's house thing. I went, oh, this was your turnover and you're like, yeah, but I've paid for a special this year. I've done all this stuff. You've got to invest back into yourself as a business. It's absurd.

How much, like, My stand-up special at the Liverpool Empire cost 75 grand to fill. 75 grand. And that was... Mine costs nine. And that was pulling in favour? Yeah, but where was it filmed and what cameras did you use? Oh, I mean, it was a little, what, 250-seat theatre.

It was... Solon did it. Tom did it for me. Like, it was great. And it looks really good. Like, proper cameras, six camera guys. But yeah, like, that is a big old special. Did you have like a...

What they called? The arm that goes around and everything. Did you have all that? Yeah, so... Fucking make that's baller. It was shot to a standard that would make most Netflix ones look under spent on. Yeah, yeah.

And the reason for that is I wanted Netflix to take it. Yeah, yeah. Did it nearly happen? They were sent it. And they looked at it. That's all I know. Fuck. I would do it again, even with it going on YouTube,

because I wanted it to look a standard above just, you know. Yeah, absolutely. There's so many people who can film a stand-up special now for, you know, and people will be listening to this, go, $70,000, $9,000, whatever. Like, it costs a lot to do this to a certain level. Yeah.

And when Netflix, when Netflix commission a special, so I know this from a couple of comics who've had deals with them, they get, their base rate for a new comic special is $250,000. Yeah. And they tell them they have to spend $150,000. of that on it. Yeah, that makes sense.

So they go, you're getting 100 and you have to spend 150 on the film and edit and the colourist, the set design. To keep the money in the industry? No, just because that's what it will cost to get it looking as good as the rest of the stuff. Fine, okay.

So for me to get mine at that standard for that, what is essentially half price, we pulled in favours from a lot of people we work with, me, set designer pulled in favors from people who just, is like I'll get you the curtain you want for a favour down the line. We pulled it, it should have cost 150. But you got it cheap.

Got it cheap. We did two shows on... This is Vista Village Maths. Yeah. It's a four grand bag, but it's 3,500 now. So it's actually really cheap. It was, and I would spend it again because I think, you know... Yeah.

It's not like I then have, you know... It's not that I'm like, well, that's nothing to me. It was an absurd amount of money. But it comes off... You've got to invest. Like, I've got to be confident that that spending nine grand and putting it up somewhere, down the line will get me that many ticket sales or something else. Like, that's how you do it, don't you?

The answer to the Patreon money is it supports everything we do. Like literally, everyone here, the studio we've got, all the shows, all the specials we film, it gives us a massive budget. So when people see amount of patrons and what we're charging and think it's a split between us, it's not. No. Patreon is the lifeblood of this whole company. We make a bit of other money in other places,

but Patreon is the lion's share of what keeps this whole thing moving. And we've just been to Killie to film a special that financially makes no sense, but is an incredible thing that we were able to be part of film and put out. You can see where you're spending your money, basically. That's the thing. It's like people are getting value for money because you're going, look, we're not just taking it because you like us.

We're using it for things. There's no way of doing the math. No, no, no. Do you want to, let's find another one. What is your strangest fan encounter, the two of you? That's something someone's asked. I did a bit about squirting and a woman after the gig came up to me and said, people tell me I taste like vanilla.

And I went, good for you. And didn't try and bang her. And I think about that probably every other month. When was this? When was this? Squirting hadn't even been invented yet. She was the first squirter. Was it the Froggin' Bucket on Monday night?

Patience here. Was this pre-Pod? Yeah. Yeah. I think the question was what pod fan interactions? Sorry. Yeah, yeah. I think it's like pod-based.

I don't think it's just what happened the Nottingham Jonglers. Yeah. Mate, yeah, Nottingham Jonglers. We couldn't move for squatters. Because we're back in the day. I just went for mad. punter.

No one has offered the squirt since we've started the pod where I've always been married to Laura. Next question. No, go on. The strangest, I think I'll just go for like the most awkward is sometimes like

because we're so involved with our fan base and we do events that aren't just stand up. Like I've run like country music nights which and I'm at it. Do you know what I mean? I'm not just like backstage. We're in amongst it drinking and whatever.

Dan and Carl put a hip-hop night on, Dan and Finn ran a karaoke night, and they're running it and singing on it, and they're in it. So we've been on nights out, surrounded by our fans, and the bottom line is, you know, if you've got a TV fan base or just a

stand-up fan base, you've got casual fans who are quite like you on the stuff you're on, when they're listening to four or five hours of us a week, yeah, yeah. It's very intense for some people, and I also understand, as everyone in this room, as on some level, there's a bit of autism going on where people are like, I know you.

You're my friend. Yes. And when those people have had a drink and they're at an event and then sometimes we'll go, right, we're all going to this pub and, you know, everyone's,

they will be on you. And then because they hear us making inappropriate jokes to each other and about each other, they will do it. Like they're a part of it. Yeah, but like, but also to our partners.

And you'll get it wrong. Yeah. Like, for example, like, and up until we start at this point, podcast, even I would never have made a joke at the expense of this since me and Carl have been friends. Carl's never met his dad and Carl's mentioned that a couple of times on here. To the point now where if we make a joke about it, he's sort of okay with it because it's, he's made jokes about it so it's sort of made it okay.

I told the story of it on this. That was me going, there you go. Yeah, I've okayed this with everybody. And you're all friends. You're in each other's lives. There's a shorthand that exists with that stuff, right? And I understand if he makes a joke, it is a joke. Yeah.

Like, and the other day, like, Matt, Like my mum passed away, you know, 10 years ago, however long it was. And Carl made a joke the other day about my mum. Like, I was like, I'm going to go and fuck Carl's mum. And he was like, I have to go and get a bucking spades to get yours. And there was a beach thing. And there was a lot of context. It was very funny.

And now I'm used to people calling my nana a slag. Yeah. Which initially just didn't, didn't register very well with me. But now it's good for it. Now you've just learned to love it. Like we all call Finn's mum, Poirototot-Tz. She loves Poirotov. Because she loves Poirlo.

and she's got fucking massive tits. And feet. And feet. She's got size nine. His mum's size nine. You don't have to be fucking Poirot to work out the feet to compensate for the tits.

So she doesn't topple over. And when we do, like with each other. Surely you call them her Belgian buns because of Poirot? We'll know. That's clav.

But sorry, man, I don't know you. That was really inappropriate. We'll be in the pub and someone will make a joke about like my mom or his dad or my mom. my eye or his bald head,

something, like, something. Is he bald under there? What? They better fucking not. Or they'll make like a comment, like, because like we've spoke about relationships on the pod, they'll make a comment about like one of my ex-girlfriends to my girlfriend.

Oh, that's really weird. Because they don't know the line. And also we don't know them. But the line's blurred, isn't it? Because they're listening to it constantly. So they are in it. Totally. Yeah.

It's just such a one side of parosocial relationship. And it can be really awkward and sticky. And it's mainly people being dead sound and fun. Yeah, of course. Occasionally, you're like... Oh, massively old, 99. Putnamet sounds. Everyone's cool. Because, like, I've had...

So since, like, I've started, like, every day someone will be like, oh, TikTok. And you're like, 17 years of stand-up, but yeah, TikTok. And a guy... So I did that... I had that thing. I've never had it before where the train's... Train doors open on the toilet while you're on the toilet.

And it was to a mass carriage. And I walked out and a bloat went, I really love you on TikTok. Can I have a photo? after you just sent me having a shit. That was probably my weirdest one recently. I also a girl once sent me a picture of a vagina. I don't know how she got my email address years ago,

but it was medically close. Email vagina? Yeah, she emailed me a picture of, like, and it was to my personal hotmail, and it was like, it wasn't like a sexy photo, it was like the thing you sent to your doctor to go, you need to have a look at this. Like it was really, it was macro.

That would write to you. The email. The email just feels too full. I got offered a threesome, and she was like, and Laura's welcome to join in. She was like, Dan's my, what do they call it? Would that bend me a foursome? Whole pass.

Whole pass. Yeah, she was like, you're my whole pass. I can see that, you're a handsome man. And that was before he got in shape. But she sent the email at 11am on a Monday morning. And it always, I think the email is one thing. Because a DM is, feels seedy like, just sliding in. There's no thought.

An email is like there's thought has gone into that. Like, HR could be involved in this. This could be your work email. At what point when you're waiting for the attachment to upload of your vagina, You go, this is still a good idea. And the file was like, please wait for the attachment to finish your loan. Attachment too big. You're going to have to upload to Google Drive.

People have got tattoos of us. People have got our faces. People have got my dog tattooed on them. Really? Someone got mine and when I was doing X Factor, they got mine and Caroline Flacks autographs tattooed on them. And then we both got fired and I felt really bad for them. Oh, but they're like you, don't they?

Well, I don't know if they do. I've never heard from them since. All right. I don't think they were doing it because you're on that. I think, like, oh, I like him, I'm going to get that. No, it was just like we were part of a bigger show. It's sort of your part of a machine they like. Did they also have, like, the extra factor on their back?

No, but they had, like, the judges on another arm. It was all they really loved it. All signatures, yeah? Yeah, signatures. Wow, like the Declaration of Independence. But just for the X factor? That's mental. Well played, nice.

Really nice. Oh. Matt, that's been a lot of fun. That was great. That has been a lot of fun. Boys, I'm so chuffed. Thank you for having me. It's been a real pleasure.

It's a big deal to come on this. So, cheers. No, thank you very much for doing it, love. As I will have said at the start of the episode, I haven't filmed it yet. I'm adding extra tour dates. We've added a second Liverpool Empire. First one is all but sold out.

And we're adding a second Hackney Empire in London. They are on sale on Saturday. the dates on the screen I'll check the details in a minute that yeah Adamrodoco.com. For all tour dates all the other tour dates are still on sale I'm going to Cardiff, I'm going to Manchester

to Scotland, Newcastle, Birmingham all over the place but the two new dates right now extra dates in the Philadelphia Empire extra dates in London at the Hackney Empire and there probably is a couple more extras to come still working on Leeds

I really wanted to do the Grand Theatre, again, where we did the Murder's Row show. They're struggling for availability and the town hall. We're just struggling to get the right venue in Leeds. I might end up doing a couple of warm-up shows at the Glee instead. I will come to Leeds with this show. I promise, I just don't know when it's going to be announced or where it's going to be. If you want to come and see the full tour show and not a warm-up show, I would suggest booking maybe Manchester.

And at the minute, it does look like Manchester is going to be where I film the specialist. at the Manchester Opera House and when that first Manchester show sells out, we will be looking to add a second one. Adamrodoco.com. at UK, please come and see us on tour. They're excited and I'm going to bring the dog.

Some of them. Dan Nightingale and Friends is on sale. Starts in August, runs right through to February 27. Dan Nightingale.com going all over the place. If you're watching this on Saturday, tonight is mine and Harry's custom wrestling with WrestleMania watchalong. The custom wrestle event starts at 8 o'clock,

probably to about half 10, then there's a gap, and then there's a full WrestleMania watch long. All the lad you see here are in the event, plus more. It's going to be boss. Twitch.tv slash sensea carl underscore. See you there.

We're doing a premiere shout-out? Sure, if you want. Tuesday, the 28th of April. We're doing a screening of the Kilimanjaro special in Crosby. There's about 80-odd tickets left. It's a tenor plus a booking fee. We said there was only 50 left last week.

There's 40 tickets left. They're flying out. There's either more or less tickets left. Come and watch the Premier. It is actually because they told us it was 450 seats and it's actually 500, so there is more than there was last week. There's 700 tickets left. There's somewhere between 8 and 900 tickets left.

Tuesday, the 28th of April. We will be there. We'll do a meeting greet afterwards. Not bad for a tenor. Yes. We've got a tune this week. This one's a good one for... There we go.

Ready? Who's it from, Finn? It's a good song, so do listen to it. This is by a band called No Rest for the Spaceman. That's what we need to do. Jesus. Does you have a gangbunk? And this is their song, MASH.

Thank you, Matt. We are No Rest for the Spaceman. This is our new hit single, MASH. Two, three, four. Wow! Wow! Carl Cops?