Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #378 with Taylor Ryan - Have A Word w/Adam, Dan & Carl

Episode Date: April 25, 2026

Tickets, merch and loads more available on our website! https://haveawordpod.comHAW x Stars In Their Eyes Tickets: https://www.skiddle.com/e/42247092Tickets for Have A Word Live shows as well as Adam and Dan's tours and previews:Adam's Tickets: https://www.adamrowe.comDan's Tickets: https://dannightingale.comCarl's Stream || https://twitch.tv/senseicarl_Finn's Music & Tickets: https://finnlayk.co.ukCherry (Live at the M&S Bank Arena): https://finnlayk.lnk.to/CherryArenaAs Adam and Dan said, don't miss out on all of our extra content, we've got one of the best value Patreons in the game. An extra 90+ minute episode every week plus loads of bonus content such as the now infamous Lockdown Lock-ins, the Nashville & Amsterdam specials and our Ghost Hunts! What are you waiting for? Sign up now at https://patreon.com/haveawordpod​Get subscribed to Have A Word Highlights: https://youtube.com/haveawordhighlightsListen to Finn's new EP: https://finnlayk.lnk.to/AllInYourMindThanks to this week's sponsors:Heights | https://heights.com/haveawordEnter code HAVEAWORD20 at checkout for 20% off your first month!Manscaped | https://manscaped.com20% off with promo code: WORD20NordVPN | https://nordvpn.com/haveawordEXCLUSIVE NordVPN Deal ➼ https://nordvpn.com/haveaword Try it risk-free now with a 30-day money-back guaranteeLovehoney | https://lovehoney.co/word_podcastLove how you love and take 20% off sitewide to unlock sexual happiness and discover a happier you with promo code: AFF-WORD20Saily | https://saily.com/haveawordDownload SAILY in your app store and use our code HAVEAWORD at checkout to get an exclusive 15% off your first purchase or go to https://saily.com/haveaword 🌍ADAM ROWE and DAN NIGHTINGALE are two award winning comedians from Liverpool & Preston, respectively. They are two of the UK's most highly regarded stand-ups and have both performed all over the world. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What's happening lids? I've got some absolutely class news and a little plug for me tour that I just haven't been banging on about enough, to be honest with you. It went on sale a while back. Ticket sales are absolutely flying to the point where we've added two new dates to my tour. Tour doesn't kick off till October. All current dates are on adamrode.com at UK. They're on sale now, but there's two brand new dates about to go on sale.

On Saturday, the 24th of October, we're adding a second London show. This one's going to be at the O2 Forum in Kentish Town, and we're adding a second show at the Liverpool Empire on Saturday the 14th of November. Both of those shows go on sale on Saturday the 25th of April at 10am, all on Adam row.com.com.com. You can also get them at livenation.com. Go and get some tickets.

Come and see me on my fashionism tour. And if those two dates don't work for yet, there's already a loaded dates on sale that you can go and check out right now. now include Manchester, Birmingham, Cardiff, Glasgow, Newcastle. We're going all over the place and we're working on adding more dates as we go along. The first two editions,

a second London date, a second Liverpool date, and there's already a load on sale. Adamrow.com.co.com at UK, new dates on sale, Saturday the 25th of April at 10am. Come and see us. And enjoy the episode. It was a belter. Hello, everyone. Welcome to this episode.

the Have a Word podcast before we get going. A couple of things to tell you. Massive show, Patreon special, live event, 31st of May at content. We are doing... Stars in their eyes, which is an old game show from years ago where you get people who go,

hey, listen today I'm going to be... Rihanna. Rihanna. And they would go back, look like Rihanna, come out, sing like Rihanna, hopefully do it well, and they'd win. But we're doing it. An iconic TV show. It's going to be an iconic...

Patreon special. All of the lads you see on camera have a word are going to be doing a song. I have seen some of the artists that are being picked wild choices. Borderline unacceptable. We've got a live band. It's going to be brilliant.

We've got four or five podcast legends. Johnny Bongo has been announced. Alfie and Jesse. I'm also going to say Sandro Ford is coming up. A recent Hall of Fame entry guest and co-host. Sandro Ford will be performing as well. Two or three more to announce. Yes, tickets are in the bio below.

Not many tickets left. This is Sun Lake Hotcakes. As you imagine, we'll never do this ever again. So go get your tickets. Also sign up to patreon, patreon.com slash have a word pod. We are the biggest patron in the UK for a reason. Nearly 32,000 lids can't be wrong.

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Enjoy the episode because it was a bloody belter. Wag-waglids, you're listening to the funniest podcast in the game from the heart of Liverpool. With Adam, Dan, Sensei Carl and Finn. This is the one and only. Have a word. This episode is brought to you by NordVPN. The very best in protecting your online activity.

Go, Ed. Get on me. You've fucked it and you've fucked it. Whoa. Have I fucked her? No? Get in. Why? Do you know what?

Yellow. It's yellow day, isn't it? Oh, yeah? We all said we're yellow today and you've got no yellow on? No one said nothing. No one told me. So me, Carl and Harry have just accidentally worn yellow. Do not put the Celtic one on.

Oh, wow. So they, why can't they wear a Celtic top? I can't be our split in them down the middle. Or just, we love both of them and K-pop. Do you? No. I like one. Fuck, BTS, mate.

I like what. I like behind them a lot more. I just put my Ronaldini on top one. There you go. Dan, you look stupid now. Why didn't you wear any of them? Because I don't like any of them. And I like my outfit today.

Is it St David's Day? I actually, colour-coordinated a little bit. I thought Adam will be like, oh, look, look at you. Using your fucking head. And in fact, it's gone the other way, and I've been attacked. No, honestly, yeah, I haven't been attacked. You just, you missed the message in the group, obviously. Yeah. Well done on Harry.

Well done on Carl. Thank you. You obeyed it. We listened. You know what I mean? Yeah. There you go. Have any dreams recently, Carl?

Absolutely. There's the last dream. through the last dream of the night you have and it's usually in the morning the most vivid like the fall of back asleep dream the what? The fall what sleep? The fall back asleep?

There you go, I'd clear that one up. You woke up at like six and you fall back asleep and your dream then. The dream where you wake up for a little bit and you go do you know what? I'm not ready for me day, I'm going back that little gap where your brain goes time for the fun time yeah I always have really vivid dreams

and Dan just rang up and went Hey boys I'm done with the podcast I've made enough money I really haven't. I've made enough money and I'm done. And, um, do you ever have screaming dreams? You screamed?

Do you ever have dreams? I don't know. I've had dreams where like, Seneca's cheated on me or whatever or, and you're screaming and you dream. I was just screaming for about an hour in my head. Because I was like, what the fuck are you talking about?

I was like, what are you doing? We're at the top of the game. I was like, and then I was like, I was so confused. I was like, have I done something in work?

Like, have I, have I done something? unlike to really, have I done something when he's like trying to distance himself from me? I already do that. I already, I've got loads of distance. I was like, I've got a mortgage the pay. I was like, what the fuck you did? This isn't your decision? And Adam's going, lad. I'm you

were like, how did I? That I will know when Dan's going to quit the podcast, by the way. Do you know when like, like when someone knows the dying, I told that story about my granddad recently where he brought me and my brother closer and was giving us money in that? Yeah. We'll know, Dan's getting ready to quit the pod when he chooses to spend time with us.

When he's like, no, do you know what, today? We'll go, where you want to eat. Oh, he must be dying. Come on, lads. I'll sit around by the pool for eight hours and throw balls at each other's head. Like, oh, he's made his decision. We do do that.

Right, we've invented a game, this is what happens when I come back from the beach from an hour and off. We've invented a game. It's called comep ball, right? These are the very complicated rules that no other adult will ever be able to understand. Cump ball, let's go. And it always ends with throw the ball in his head.

And someone has to get hurt. at the end of it. Carl, I'm sorry. No, I haven't finished. Oh God. I'm finished.

What did I do then? So, I was like, I've got... I'm so glad that I'm in the dream because otherwise I'd so be bored of this. But go on. I want a mortgage to pay.

I've got like a life to pay for. Like, what are you doing? Like, and Adam's like, yeah, it's not your decision? Like what? And you're like, no, boys, I'm happy.

I'm comfy. I've got my house. Got my kids. All happy. And I was, and then I was like, I've done something here. And then my brain went,

You walk in on Laura having a piss. And then I woke up. So my brain went, yeah, do you remember in the studio? Laura was having a wee in the disabled toilet and you walked in and that is, that pissed on off that much that he's quit. Would that be a red line? Would that make you quit the pond?

Like she was having a piss and I just walked in. I was like, oh my God, and she's gone to you. He looked at me funny. Oh, right. Do you actually see de flap? No, in the dream. I didn't see anything.

Right. I think I'd have to avoid these. seen her. You can't invent what she is, can you? Faces. Can I just say, A, I'm so glad that you're this upset that I have dream left you.

That's nice. That's a lovely compliment. And I just want to reassure you that you're so far under the line with clocking laws having a waz. Yeah. That is... I think this is on her, you know,

because she's not locked the door. She's literally wedged it open. What if Carl said, stand up so I can see where you're pissed from? Right. Well, that will probably need an apology at some point, but not to me. Once again, we're all good.

I'd be like, Carl, I think that was a little bit off, but you don't have to apologize to me. Yeah. And you don't have to apologize to it. What's you going to do? You were done. The podcast was over and I was so... And I woke up.

And you know, when you're in a bad move, but you don't mean that as wine, you have to, like, flick through your brain of like, have I got something coming up? That's something happened yesterday. And I was like, oh, I ate, Dan. And I was like, well, that isn't real, though and I had to take it out

my head and go, I donate Dan, I love Dan. Did you? I had to literally, like, physically think that wasn't real for like 20 minutes. I'm in a bad mood today. What did I do? Well, nothing to do with you. Oh, great. So, and here's the annoying thing about this is I woke up in a great mood, sunshine, and it's a lovely crisp spring day

and I woke up, I slept well, and that's the first time for a few days. A couple of nights ago I didn't sleep very well. Yesterday, I don't think I'll ever get over how Alex woke me up yesterday. So obviously the dog, our puppy, sleeps downstairs in his crate. He loves it.

He goes in overnight. He stays asleep until we wake him up. He's class. And one of us gets up at either half, seven, eight o'clock, goes down, starts his morning with him. He's up for about an hour, then he goes down for another nap. And that's normally me. I normally do the morning thing just because of how our schedules are.

Yesterday morning, I'm asleep. in bed, right? And I now know that Alex had been awake for a little bit. You know, maybe like 15 minutes, she's on her phone or whatever. Next to you? This is how I woke up, so pretend to be asleep, you're me.

Adam! Adam! Oh, Jesus Christ! Adam! Adam! I think he's just barked. I don't know whether it's him or next door's dog. I'll go and check on him. unacceptable. He could have shot her. Like, this is why in the UK we're not allowed guns,

because if there was one on my bedside table, I think I'd have just ended the life. Like, hey, Dave! Wake up! Don't panic. Got back asleep. That's basically what you did to me. The grab and the shout. Oh, fucking drove me mad.

So... Was it him, Barkin? Huh? Was it him? No. Worth it. No. It's so unbelievably annoying.

And so today I woke up and I was like, oh, well rested. You know what I mean? I've got enough time here. I can get up. Seas of the boy. Get myself into time. Have a wank.

What? I've got enough time to get into town and I've breakfast before the pod. Like I've got time and I'm better when I've had and I'm better when I'm caffeinated. There's been a couple of pods recently where I haven't felt on good form for in first section

and it's because I haven't had any caffeine. That's my second coffee today. I'm on fucking Jupiter, mate. Do you know what I mean? And I've had a bacon butty, a little bit of brown sauce to dip it in. I'm fucking flying. You know what I mean?

But I got in my car and my... my phone wouldn't connect to the Bluetooth. It just wouldn't connect in the car. And it's because I needed to update my car. Oh, yeah. I just think everything's got to stop, needing updates.

I think I just need to go back to analog. I think I'm going to get a burner phone, like an old knockier. I'm done with, like, a smartphone. I'm just going to get like a fucking 1995 Ford Escort. I'm going to get a bike. I'm going to get wired headphones. I want to get a PlayStation 2,

where the disc has got. the game on and that's just the fucking game and I never have to do anything to it. I don't have to charge anything because everything's all plugged in. I'm sick of charging stuff. I'm sick of updating stuff. Just make the thing, the thing. And then that can be the thing for the thing.

Well, the Nokia is going to really do you some good there charge-wise because you could charge those up overnight and that will last for a season. That is spring. This lasts about nine hours. It's absurd. You've got to update your car and get on this. The car,

will only update when you're not in it. You have to leave it for half an hour, like idle. You have to lock it and put the alarm on for it to update itself. So I couldn't even, like, fuck off. I couldn't, I couldn't even just update it while I was driving. And then, and I couldn't, because my phone is connected to the thing, even though I kept trying, I was trying to play.

This is how fucking much I just wants to have the music on with the fucking sunshine. I was trying to play it through my phone and just have it in the cup holder, blast them around my car. And because my phone's like, hey, now we're in the car You know, it wouldn't not connect to the car So it's connecting to the car, the car's going I can't play anything so you'll update me me

Me and I can't do that until you get out the car Fucking shite Did you have to accept cookies for your car That would be a low point, wouldn't it? You have to agree or disagree to it? Mine asks whether I want to share my data I say no every time. I always say no to that.

What's the data? What's the data? You're miles back out where I am? Where I'm going. I don't want Nissan following me. I don't trust that not. It's Julie, though, isn't it? Find my son.co.uk. Where is they? They're the Japanese, no, do they?

They're not going to do anything with it. That's exactly what I mean. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. That's what do you to think? Who? The Japanese? That they're Japanese?

No? They want you to think that they're not going to do anything with your data. Oh, but they do want you to think they're Japanese. It's just, it's a respect thing. Does everyone think we're Japanese? Do you think they want that? Do you think they want you to think they're Japanese? Yeah.

I think they'd rather, you just don't assume anything, you ask. They're not a proud country? They're a famously very proud country. That's what I mean. To a fault. Is there any not proud countries? Is there anybody who's like, Ah, we eight.

I think the UK? Yeah. Quite some of it. I don't know. Like, there's some people who are quite proud. Yeah, but I mean, like, on the whole. Luxembourg? Who's buzzing to be from Luxembourg?

Luxembourg? No, they're basically, the flag's almost Dutch anyway. That is kind of, that is kind of true. There's a nation of people going, listen, everyone ignore us. We're just in the hills, making some money. It's fine. Yeah.

No pride there. No gays at all? Is there no gays in Luxembourg Pride? There is. Fourth of the 12th of July. Was that all the open? I searched Luxembourg National Pride hoping for finding what

people from Luxembourg are proud of, but I've just found the LGBT festival. Gold. They're like the gold reserve, Gaffa. Like keep all your gold here. We'll look after it. Cash for gold. That's Switzerland, isn't it?

Oh, is it? Is it the same place, though? No, I thought Switzerland was Nazi gold. This is good guy gold. This is good guy gold. Right. What have they got? Like,

I've gone to Luxembourg for... Tax breaks, no poor people. The world's second richest country? Yep. Is that like per capita though? Because there's three people and they've all got gold bullions. That's what it says.

What's a bullion? It's a load. It's a block, isn't it? Yeah. Is it? Is that where it is? You can buy a bullion in Costco. Genuinely, you can buy a gold bullion in Costco,

a gold bar. Yeah, but you have to buy them in bulk. That's how they get you. Yeah, you're going to buy like a million. not buying a single bullion, you're mad. Yeah, high purity into bars and coins. Bars and coins, what a fucking rap album that would be. Do you actually think Japanese people want you to assume they're Japanese?

Outside of Japan, though. Yeah. Like, have you go up to a Japanese person in Brussels, he's just taking pictures of the buildings, or looking at them or drawing them, whatever they're doing, right? There you go. There was a visual indicator. No, that stereotype is spot on.

It isn't a stereotype, it's just spot on. What is? That they absolutely love cameras and taking pictures of everything. is it though or is that just because we see the tourists no because even in Japan don't they have that hang on so they live in a small village

you know north of Nagasaki right where you're going today dad I'm just I've got to nip down the so in their little own fish villages they're walking around taking pictures of their own shed that but they are

photography is massive they're genuinely like the camera shops are like eight floors no hyperbole on that one no big cameras like eight floors isn't it Oh, big camera.

Yeah, but they're not just walking around their own villages, taking pictures. Yeah, they are. No, but the photography is a massive pastime for them. All right, well then, well, then we're in Brussels and he's not taking a picture of the building. Well, that's odd. I'm sorry to think this guy isn't Japanese.

Would they appreciate you going over and going, fucking Japanese, you aren't you? No, no. Nope, no. Not going to like it. I think take the fuck enough and just... Japanese you, right? Yeah, yeah.

Again, when I'm not, I was saying about Japan wanting everyone to know that they're Japan. I wasn't talking about going up to individuals when they're on the holly bobs going, Japanese! I fucking knew it. Where's your camera? Ah, you were hiding it. Just take the, ah, you're off as well.

I'm making a question. Japanese, are we? No, no, just Japanese. That one's not that bad. But that does imply that you're Japanese. It's quite threatening as well. It's a scouserism, not in it? I know, but they wouldn't know that.

Japanese, are we? If I can tell their Japanese, they should be able to tell I'm from Liverpool. from sight. Yeah. Japanese, are we? No, we're fucking not. I am. Are you one of those Japanese people?

No, there's a better way of saying it. Where are you from Japan? I sort of meant culturally as a nation rather than just people in a square in Brussels. Hey! Japanese! There you go. I don't know why his kids are scared.

Grow up. right, 1-0. I'd love to go to Japan. I would love to take us, but Logan Paul ruined there. They changed a lot of rules and laws. Law what? Luz and laws? Rules and laws? What did Logan Paul do?

He vlogged over there. Oh, God. Do you not know about this? He was so horrible in public. It was what we're like in public when maybe in Dicks times a million in a society where you don't do that. So it was even more heightened. And then he filmed a dead body.

That was the bit. Yeah. In a forest. He found his body in a forest and got his camera up. He was like, oh my God, I found a dead body. He was in a suicide. That was his video. He was in a suicide forest.

And Logan Paul finds their body. Wow. So there's a forest in Tokyo. It's where apparently it's like where a lot of people will frequently take their own lives. He went there like, are we going to find one? They found one. And then he filmed it. And then the thumbnail was him like that with a, it blared out.

Oh, cool. guy. The backlash was just I mean, he's got over it because he's as big as he's ever been now, but. But he's lost some credibility in Japan and, but they affected how they... So they're like, YouTube is essentially just, uh, welcome on the streets anymore. Like, as like filming the police will just come over and go,

put you... They're not old, you know? Yeah, but I'd like to... How do they differentiate if there's so many cameras? They hear one like and subscribe. Genuinely. Is he a YouTuber? I think they just see Western people with cameras and go, no. All right. Oh, so we can't even take pictures? No, we could, but I don't think we could film.

I think their parents, their parents are probably insane. So the parents we get when we go away, they're probably just ridiculous. What are you laughing? Those permits we get. Yes. Shut off. We always ask, the countries.

Is it expensive? Is it, like, is it? Like any on the, like Tokyo's ridiculous, but London is, so is any other capital. And, you know, filters off from, there. But yeah, I wouldn't say it was cheap, but like, you could afford it. There's a man in Japan called the human canvas. That's why I'm still here, Carl.

There's a man in Japan called the human canvas, and you can just go and tattoo him. You can pay to, go tattooing. Why would you pay to tattoo him? Because he's covered in tattoo. You want to be a part of the human canvas? Surely you get to say, though? No. He, his all thing is that, like... Someone taking the face?

He's all, well, someone doing the swastick on his back, and then someone else tattooed over the swasticker. But his body tells a story. Most of the stories are just cocks, to be honest, but like, He's covered. Yeah, you can... He goes around the world and people tattoo him. Surely in the end, this is just going to be like a big mush.

You can't even see what it is. I think you've got to find him though. Do you know what? He's not like consistently being tattooed all of the time. What would you do? Have you got him? No more tattoos, please. I do...

I ignore this. I do one of those like optical illusion ones like around like... like, Batiste starred like round the belly button, around the arseller's one. I'll give you a hundred quid. If you can, do that on a piece of paper with a pen. I'm a great artist.

He doesn't do the majority of our graphics. Yeah. I could draw, ish. I can't really do like eyes and hands. Hands especially. Hands are essentially impossible. I don't know.

I don't get anyone draws hands. Everyone's hands that I draw looks like the king's hands. Which is a great film. Why can you just draw people with their hands behind the back? I only draw. Yeah. That's not a bad idea, actually. Oh, like Prince Charles.

walking around like a school. What are you? Google there? The human canvas. Oh. He's really, he just kind of looks like like he's got as many tattoos

as Jack Finnegan, to be honest. It doesn't, it's not as impressive as I thought. It's dead expensive. It's two million quid to have a over them. Yeah, Jack Finnegan is doing a low-level human canvas. I mean, he'd fit in Japan with his camera as well. He's doing a memory book on his body,

isn't he? Yeah. I do respect the way he does it. I like that. He goes away and gets a tattoo for the trick. Yeah, he goes and gets a tattoo. He goes and gets a tattoo. when we're away and we're doing like a city break

or filming somewhere, he goes and gets a tattoo with the same level of commitment that someone goes, I fancy some chewing gum. Just sort of nips to a shop, comes back and he goes, yeah, I got that done on my finger. Mad. Yeah, I couldn't do that. I'm so... I couldn't commit to Sutton for now. But I also think he's got maybe like 30.

It's easy to get your 27th tattoo than it is to get your first. Yeah, yeah. What happened? Why? His words. What happened to your sleeve? because you randomly when we got back from Africa

at the midlife crisis decided you're having a sleeve. He bottled it in the tattoo shop with me. I know, I was there. Don't please don't get a sleeve. Why? I wasn't going to get a sleeve. But I had a design. What he's going to get the time your nan died or something later?

Yeah, again. Under the tiger. Yeah. Yeah. I was going to go back to the episodes when you've talked about tattoos and get all of the things that you fucking ate. No, I just, I bottled it.

I bottled it. I basically told her I was ill and then paid her off. I paid extra on the deposit because I felt bad because I'd left it till the morning. What were you getting? Tribal stuff on her?

No, it's like a mandala. Mandela. Nelson Mandela. It was a Nelson Mandela. I'd always pronounce her off. And I thought if I can't pronounce the great man's name properly, I probably shouldn't get a tattoo.

If you go in a girl, I'll do this. But I think you're a moron. What a mandala? It's just that it's a sort of, It's a... It's like the henna tattoos, isn't it? Similar to that vibe.

I like the idea. I went off it. Why do you get all, like, Jacketta, Laura? Like, block class. Comic sons. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A huge gel.

Broken Britain. Yeah, brilliant. And the time that Keir Starma got in power, yeah, let's make it really angry. Loads of flags. And then he went to the tattoo shop. I was in the tattoo shop. And I paid for the deposit for me and him to get a tattoo.

And in the tattoo shop, he went, not feeling it. What was that boom slang one? Why didn't you get that? I thought you were really into that. I went off that as well. He couldn't decide where to have it. So we kept suggesting places

and you'd find a reason to not get it, which I get. If you weren't keen. My skin's gammy as well, in it. I just, I think there's a risk involved as well. Have you invented that or someone told you? What?

Because you've got flaky skin. But that felt better than gammy. Yeah. But you can't invent psorice. It's definitely a thing that I do out. What I mean is, Have you invented the idea that psoriasis is bad for tattoos? Have you come up with that?

No. Not only is it well documented. It's common sense. Is it? Yeah. Yeah. But you can't see the psoriasis if it's covered in a tattoo. Mm.

Mm. I think you can. I've got moles on my tattoos. It's just a high risk bit of, it's basically a bit of skin that regenerates too quickly. You can't put ink anywhere near it. Like if you, my psoriasisis is massively improved, but it's still there.

I'm still suffering it. But you haven't got any ear, have you? Yeah, well, that's where I was going to get it. Yeah, so, yeah, parmy hands. Get the tiger? I don't know. I just got the fear a little bit. I'm not totally against it, but I went,

you know, when you go through little, like, peaks and troughs of fancy and doing something in the future, I hit a trough at the exact time I needed to hit the trough. I also can't be ass with me spending money and committing to something to have you go, fucking gimp. You know what I mean? No, I wouldn't do that.

Yeah, you probably would. I wouldn't. I think, honestly, I've come up with a really good idea of you. So I... There you go. That's how to keep his interest in my tattoo, having designed it. A huge tiger. Huge lion on that one.

Right. This one's for India. That one's for Africa. And you've been to both for them. You call this one Jack the tiger and that one etter the lion. You can have them fight like this. Yeah. Raw.

Raw. And if you do that, we'll all think you really cool. we'll be like Dan we'll be in the pub going Dan make the cats fight do the row I fucking love my kids whoa

go to bed that's enough they love each other really and you could get Lord on the back when I don't know what she'd be on the what you got Laura on the back in the middle like she's the between you all

yeah you would be a what dolphin a big sexy gazelle a sexy gazelle that the children are hunting to eat And isn't that the nature of motherhood? Or a dolphin. Leave your mum alone.

It's overstimulated. That's really good stuff. You should do tattoo consultancy. But it's also a play at the same time. You're entertaining people. Which is what everyone wants. Do your tattoos tell a story? They do if I act it out.

What are you doing in India? What are you doing in Africa? We're not in Africa? I don't know. Makes sense. Were they your kids? Were they the animals? I'm still confused.

Get it booked in. I've confused myself. Maybe you don't want an animal that they are natural predators of on your back. Maybe get like a goose or a swan. A goose. A goose. A lion or a tiger.

See a swan or a goose. They go, I don't know what the fuck that is. Probably not edible. I think they give that a scrab. To know, you know. A tiger's above geese in their, like, food? chart? No, like directly? No, yeah. I think tigers are

above geese in the food chain. I don't think that tigers ever met a goose. Yeah? That's like cousins in it. I think they've ever met a goose. Yeah, I know. I think the tiger would back itself though. First meeting ever. Yeah, but... Geese.

Yeah, I also... Great band man. Think of it this, right? I'm not saying like the tiger wouldn't eat a goose. What I'm saying is he probably hesitate in the same way if you know, someone from, I don't know, rural scunthorpe. Like, if he'd never heard of sushi and then seen sushi,

like, he probably wouldn't be like, oh, I'll have that immediately. He probably asked some questions. Japanese, are we? When you meet the Chinese, when you be the Chinese menu, rural scunthor. Well, there must be an urban scoundthor.

Guys, lions. Lions are opportunistic predators, and they will eat swans. Say that again? Lions are opportunistic predators, and they will eat swans. Have they eaten swans? Have they eaten swans or will they use swans in the future?

Yeah. Could you get into a list of animals, the tigers and lions would turn the nose up? I think we might. Strain artificial intelligence for this answer. Whales? They don't eat hyenas, cheetahs, leopards, African wild dogs and rhinos, elephants and hippos.

Now, why don't they eat hyenas? because like every time I see a lion, fuck with a hyena, it gets really like, now there's always like eight hyenas and it kicks off and then the lioness is like, no,

I'll fucking bite your spine off. But then they never like, finish the job. How often do you do that? It's bad meat. It's it. It's bad meat. Well, laughable.

But they never even kill a hyena, do they? They sort of like... So, apparently they do, but it's not for food. It's just to protect, like, they're young. Right.

And to kill off competition. Yeah. Fair enough. We saw a hyena next to the land cruiser before I nearly got murdered by a cheetah. And they are... The weird... The weird, aren't you?

Like... The shoulders are mad. Is that the Lion King doing that, though? I swear to God. Up close. Yeah, I know, but I was just... Two of them were in the mud and they've got this like...

Roar... Like, on a night out, you'd avoid. Yeah, but then they are homeless. The point stands. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like, you can't judge them. They're a bit fucked, but they're probably on spice or something.

and also that mud is their house. Yeah. If you lived in mud, you'd be not gutted as well. I don't know they were living in mud. I think we were just bathing in it for effect. Yeah, exactly.

That was them having a wash in mud. They've got no arse as well. I feel like if they had an arse, they'd be friendlier. What do you mean? As in like, they have an arsehole, but they don't have a bunder,

do they? They're weirdly slanted, whereas if, like, if you gave a hyena or a BBL, it'd be more friendly. They are. They're all shoulders.

They've never done leg day. They're hymere. Yeah, they're all. They're all there. Would you get me an item on your thighs? Yes. Yes.

We're going to have... No, together. Have an animal? Like, I could be like a... Get me looking from your right side up at your cock and car looking from your left thigh up at your cock. And then when Laura gives you a blowjob, we can all be having a little time together, you know?

Oh. What a nice daydream that is. You might leave the business, though. You could put speech bubbles coming out of my mouth. Go on, Laura, girl. Go on, girl. Sorry about looking at your flaps That's from Carl

From a dream She'll be a giraffe And you can do the play Oh whoa Hey Go to you can do what You can carry on You can make your whole body

Book me in with your guy Harry I'm right That's all I needed A fucking Nelson Mandala What was I thinking Do you like a one man band You'd be a one man theatre So just to recap everything

I've got Jack Tiger Etta lion Yeah Laura's a gazelle Goose Or a goose A gazelle goose

A gazelle goose And I'm a giraffe And I've got Adam as a... Me? Oh, Adam is Adam Row. Because he's not playing along. It's like the Muppets. Adam's the only person.

And Carl is a giraffe. And a speech bubble going, go on, girl, suck his knife. And what are you saying as a giraffe? Go on, Ricky, lad. Yeah. Yeah. Nice.

Really cool. And Nelson Mandela somewhere. Go on, Ritchie. Stay, Vichie. That's what I'm saying. I don't think a tattoo artist would accept the work. I think they'd be like, you're going to affect my reputation.

I don't know. My guys are professional. Like, do that? What? Yeah, they're not like black taxi drivers. They ask,

if you go and go, I want to, Adam Roachey and go on. Yeah, they can say, get out. They can say, I don't want a tattoo, yeah.

They're like comedians. Like, the better they are, the more sort of, they get paid and the more picky they can be. Harry's was brilliant. He was like, listen,

this guy is over from Brazil. He's only over for a few weeks, so I've got to get there. It turns out, he's lived in fucking... He had a scouse, he had a scouse Brazilian accent. It was crazy.

I did think he was. was only over from Brazil, to be fair. And he wasn't talking to you, he had his headphones in. He was like, I don't know if he had kind of autism or anything, but he was like proper savant, headphones on, didn't speak to me for three hours. And when he did, he was like, yeah, finished. Yeah, sounder.

But just over on the boat. Just like a toddler on the toilet. That's good. Yeah, shahna. Wipe up. Tell you what, as a Brazilian, I've fucking nailed that. Yeah, so Dan, there you go. Where did you find this Brazilian?

Tattooist? Mogwai tattoo. But I've been there before. But how did you know he was over from Brazil? Because I went, I want this tattoo and all my tattoos are like black. And he was like, we've got a black guy who does black tattoos.

He's not black guy. We're like he does black like, yeah. And he, I can't, I can't remember his name. He specializes in black tattoos. Yeah. Yeah. They do.

Yeah. They're getting a little lane of what they do. All right. The good ones. So I looked on his things. Oh, he's Brazilian. He's over from Brazil. He wasn't he lived in Heighting or something.

You're probably going to have to get a few different ones then because the person who does lions and tigers might not also do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I need a Peruvian who does lions. It's going to be a fucking little tour. I'm after an Argentinian who does gazelle geese. He's just over.

He's only over for two and a half hours. So good luck. Good luck booking him. And when he's finished, he's like, yeah, that's a fucking... Bosca's, I'll goose that, lad. You've got to look, great. Great.

Is this on the business card? Yeah. If you get all of them... If you get all of them, we'll pay for them all on a business card, and you can also deposit the same amount in cash into your account, you can double it up. Wow.

Excellent. Right. What if I get the first one and then bottle it, and I lose everything? No, you have to get them all. We'll refund your tattoos. You have to pay for them all up front until they're all completed.

Have you seen celebrities like Pete Davidson's lased all his tattoos? Yeah. It's becoming a like a... People think that being clean is going to be the like higher status thing.

I can't wait for this. It's a controversial thing because like people think that celebrities have like kind of encouraged everyone to get loads tattoos because that's the trend but then they can afford

to get them all lased off. We spent 200 grand. I ate stuff like that, you know, it's your responsibility, what you do, if you get influenced by a celebrity to get a tattoo,

if you, of Pete Davidson if you get a big fucking tattoo. Oh, I want to be like Pete Davidson. Oh, he's got his taken off now. I can't afford to fucking draw it over mine. Shut up. Pete Davidson has a lot of influence over your life. If you've got a tattoo, just like Pete, he's taking him off.

Well, this has to go as well now. Well, Pete, like the new beauty standard is going to be no work done. That's what they're saying. How natural. Like in 20 years, we've got no cosmetic surgery done because girls are getting like the lip filler taken out, getting some of the, like, whatever in the face, take it out. They reckon fellas are going to start getting it, though.

Oh, really? It's flipping. Yeah, men are going to get the lips done. Wow. Get their eyebrows waxed and, like, pointed and stuff. I do that. Looks max in it. Would you get anything done?

Like, Botox or anything, if you felt it. You felt like... Wow, that looks so real. What voice would that pass now? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. For the audio listeners, is it Nina Conti?

Don't check the video. You don't look like here. You look like the... Sorry, Nina. Brett, I'm disturbing when I want to break. Yeah, I don't like that. It looks so real from this distance. Have you trapped that?

We need that to be the thumbnail this week. Oh, it's horrible. Please stop. I don't even know how you do. It'll stick like that. Right, we're having a break. How you do it? What are you talking about?

I can't do. No, I just don't have the... No, you are not stupid. No, I know how he's done it. He's put his tongue up to the top of it. Why are you pointing your tongue? Because I don't have the dexterity for it. No, look, just put your tongue out.

No, but he's got his bottom. Why do we have to end every section with everyone one of your bottom lip down? Roll your bottom lip down. What do you call? What do you mean? Harry, be sad. Yeah, no, put your tongue up. I can't do it.

It pulls up. I don't, but I don't have, it's like I can't hold my fingers up. Like, I can't do three fingers like that because I don't know what it is. All me like 10 years up. You're joking now. Like, I have to, if I do three fingers, I've got to like, yeah, it doesn't go. See what I'm meeting? My fingers.

Come on. Got thrown out of scouts. On the, dead quickly, on the thing of tattoo removal, Ellie got hers laser off. And I went to one of the sessions because I thought she was going to a clinic. And it was just some fella in Walton with a laser. And he tested on the bin. And they did it on her arm.

Now she's permanently branded. I imagine she didn't pay 200 grand for that one. I think she paid quite a bit and I went and I was like... Permanently branded? Yeah, she's got... So she got this like house tattooed on her. Yeah. And she was, oh, the feather had done it really bad.

So she went to this laser fella and I thought it was going to be this clinic and I went in and it was just some fella in the back. And his kid was on an iPad in the front room. Leave at that point? And he... Well, no, this was her fourth or fifth session. It was like, great. And he tested it out on the bit and he was like, oh, there's a bit playing up today. And then fucking laser her arm.

And she was like, look, it's all coming on. And it hadn't really. And it's just like... Raised off at all. It's raised. Maybe that house is like a voodoo doll for your house. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God.

Why did she want to... Because the first fella... So it's like a... It's like a house from a Harry Stiles album. Harry's house. It's Harry's house. Yeah. And the fella just went...

It's literally just... It's how you would draw a house as a child. And the fellow went, I can do one better. And just decided just to add like random chimneys and that. and then she looked at the end and was like that doesn't look like what I wanted and he'd done it like set kick as well yeah like it looked horrific

did she pay for it surely you don't pay for it she went back and got a refund thing and then went and then spent twice as much to get some fellow who lays his bins to laser it off her arm it'd be a mental move as a tattoo artist if you got the person to sit down and then thought I'll just fuck with their other tattoos

just to add to it and change it that's wild that fucking shite tiger that fix that for you It's got glasses on now. What the fuck is a gazelle goose? I'll give it wheels. Right, now we are having a break.

It's doing me crossword. How's it going? Your crossword? Yeah. I'll turn you a little one. I'll be done in a minute. There's little brain things to wake his brain up. Little brain things.

Like little, like... It's good for your long term. Long term. Keep it going. Use it or loser. Glass. What? Glass.

There you go. It's clearly recyclable. Glass. Nice. Just a reminder that stars in their eyes tickets are still available. Sunday the 31st of May.

Should we announce another guest? Who have we announced? We've announced Johnny Bongo. Oh, because he was on. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Sandro Ford will also be performing. I'm scared for this weekend for us as well.

Yes. Myself, Harry and Dan are going to Swansea. And Julia. And Julia. Well, one of the weirdest formations of have a word. It's going to be a nice, like, buddy film. Are you going out for the drinks as well? No, we're going down to Sandro Ford's Comedy Club in Swansea and staying off the beer.

That sounds right, doesn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You thought as a combination is like a cartoon film about like four different animals that are friends. Bags in the goose gazelle. Junior's like a little kitten. You're a gecko. You're a dog. You're a little puppy.

Yeah. Thanks. You're an owl. So much kind of they normally is. You're a wise old. Because you're old. And I'm the owls and always old. Or a wood pigeon.

They make the same noise. Will you make a playlist for the car or something? Of course I will. Right. I love that. I would love to do that. All right. Cool.

What a bit of country, Hampton. Who's sitting in the front seat, done? Me. Because I get travel sick. It's Finn. Is that the sexiest thing you've ever heard? I think it is. I'm going to have my bands on.

I had them in school. They don't work. It's all you're dead, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. Let's do some... That's done my heading. Yeah. Cam says,

if everyone on the planet fought one-on-one in an elimination-style tournament, it would only take 33 rounds to be crowned champion of the world. Say that again. If everyone on the planet fought one on one in an elimination-style tournament, it would only take 33 rounds

to be crowned champion of the world. How many rounds do you think you'd last? UFC rules, you don't have to kill him. I said just win in the fight. It is an old-fashioned European Cup-style draw of everyone just drawn out. Is it random or is it ranked that you put against someone that's roughly the right?

Because if you put against a child, I'm backing myself. What do you think there's more young and old people and there are people who can beat you up. Yeah. Yeah, there is a lot more younger and old people. So then I think I'd get quite far than. How many rounds is it? 33.

Like I'd paste any kid and any old man. Adam's getting to 30 at least. I think I'm in the top 8th of the planner. The top 8%? Top 8th. So 12 and 1⁄2%. Right, okay. Statistically speaking, you probably...

For our age, yeah, we should, I think we probably... Also, you've got to factor in that you're hardest fuck in your head as well, so that adds to it. I'm trying to be realistic. So, I think almost all women, haste them. But the fighters are such a low percentage of women, so yeah. You're very unlikely... No, more women than men. No, the fighting women.

Fighting women. As in like a UFC fighter, you're very unlikely to get matched with... Oh, yeah, yeah. So, half, that's half. I'm in the top half already. That's 16 rounds. roughly. You have to get like a man-city run there

that we get only women. No, no, no. That's when I was statistics where. And you shouldn't lose to any under-12s. Yeah, you should definitely not lose to any over-75s. I'd say sort of under 17. I'd back myself.

There might be a couple of 18-year-olds that'd be a bit tricky, but... And I probably... I'm probably in the top. Give us a number of I'm fucking dying. I think I'm getting to round 30, yeah? How unlucky would it be if, round one.

John Jones. I was thinking... I was... I was thinking Joe Kalsaggy. And then... Oh, shit. Then you're in trouble. But also,

you get to meet a British sporting hero. Anyone under 18, I think I've got. Anyone over 50, I think I've got. Over 50? Oh, come on. Mike Tyson would pull your arms off?

I'm generalising, no. There's some moody 50-year-olds. Yeah? But against statistically... Over 60 then? Yeah. They've all got dad strength, though, I think.

over 60 most people are frail at that point you can just fucking waderheading. Yeah. And also, it depends on who you getting. You know what I mean? Like,

they've got dad's strength. But have they just watched their eight-year-old get battered by some 35-year-old in the elimination of the World Cup of fire? I've done the match wrong, haven't I?

I've done the matron. Because half of the planet goes out in round one, don't he? Yeah. It's half each time. Yeah, yeah. The weakest half. All of the women.

Oh, yeah. I think I'm getting to at least round four. Wow. That's, yeah, it gets tough. Because like the last round, essentially you're fighting the others people on the planet. Yeah. Apart from if like there's a couple of like strands

where a couple of maggots have been paired together. Like a few rounds and round. Big man's hit either to and not, why were you? Also, I can't fight. I can't. I think, I think I, in my head I'm like, I think you'd do all right, but I've got nothing to back that up.

Okay, then say they through, like, I don't know. Martin Cloons in with you. And it's like, It's either you die or he dies. He's quite big, isn't he, Martin Cloons? I don't back myself against Martin Cloons. Really? I don't know.

He's not... He's in the 60s, surely. He's 64. He's 60s. Yeah, but he's nearly there. And he's on the... He's on the tilts as well. And if it was like, either I die or Martin Cloons dies,

you would get the thing in you to snap us, mate. He's six foot three as well. But Martin Clunes... I'm not surprising Martin Clunes. Like, he's filming some sitcom that's not going to do very well. He's like, oh my God. Don't let them have the range as long. He's fighting for his life as well.

Yeah, but he's 64. You've got to... Is this in a ring or is it in the street? I'd say it's in a lockdown. Yeah, we're going out. I think you just run away from him. You're tired of him out. He's 64, you need a nap after 10 minutes.

Also, Martin Clues is probably happy with his life achievements that he might go, listen, if we're all fighting to the death, this is how I go, I'm happy with it. Maybe he just rolls over for you. That'd be nice. Yeah? I mean, they did like, what, five seasons of Doc Martin? How would that be?

Just choking out Martin Clu. They had Sir Gawney Weevers on it. Also, you don't have to kill Martin Cloons in the question. It was just UFC. Oh, okay. So he taps and you just end his life. Where does he go? When he loses?

Do you get fired off the planet? No, he just goes out of the competition. It's not a fight to do the death. You don't have to kill them. Oh, so what you win if you win? You are the champion of the world. Is that enough? Oh, my last.

I haven't killed seven billion people. Are you tap in first round? I'd do like a Jimmy Bollard. I thought it was to shit. I mean, it was clearly stated. It's UFC rules. You don't have to kill him. I mean, do you want this to do...

No, no, no. I mean, if it's your Cereals, then... Yeah, I still think I'd do Martin Cloons. Maybe stand them, bang, you've got him. Just get in the pocket, no range. Obviously, Martin Cloons does exist in the world, so you've got to get past them. But if you tie him up...

Neil Morrissey's your problem, mom. Yeah, maybe even badly. Pissed. Who did it want? It was him, honestly. Morrison? Clunes. Oh, yeah, he made me even badly,

but he was the Gimpy. He won money. they'd be like the Dudley brothers they'd be helping each other If you're on the same side of the draw Yeah That's the last thing you want When you're getting Martin Cloons to tap

And Neil Morrissey comes in And just fucking chicken shit out, mate It's not mental that how this podcast works I really want to punch Martin Cloons In the head right now The odds on getting Martin Cloons And Neil Morrissey back to back in this draw By the way

Put the lottery on after it Oh you want it It's like You want it And then I'd want Dick and Dom on that in deck Are they all twos? They get to fight in twos the whole way. It's only fair, isn't it?

Yeah. I'll take Judy Dench. Is that all right? Who's there, too? Richard. Richard. What? Oh, sorry.

Oh, you're thinking about Dickie Dench? You think of Judy Finnegan? Yeah. I fucking punch. Richard and Judy, they're at a two, aren't they? Exactly. So pay, like, people who are known together at a two. Oh.

Are you two pairs? Are we paired? That's what I'm asking. If that's the rules. It's either men and down, you come. You don't either know what in dick? A and D as well Oh my God

9-11 I'm 11 11 11 I make a wish on the other one 11 minute's 5 9-11 9-11 make a wish it didn't happen Shooting star 9-11 make a wish Every bullshit

Oh shit out that star's flying low I wish it didn't happen Oh that can do about it There's another star Who's the two you really don't want to get there Brock Lesnar and John Jones. No, but they're not a duo, though. It's Brock Lesnar and his daughter.

The Hulk and Captain America. Brock Lesnar and his daughter is the one. Who's some wrestling like duos? Kevin Art and the Rock? There was a tactic. The famous wrestling duo. No, they're not a famous wrestling duo. They are a duo.

Jason and Statham and the rock. They're kind of... They're a duo? They're kind of... Kevin Art and the Rock. on a duo. Yeah. Yeah.

But you smoke Kevin. Right. This is what? Because you were talking wrestling. No, yeah. I thought you meant Brett the hitman heart and the rock. That's honestly what I heard in my head. Oh, Kevin Hart.

Because they did, they've been in Jammies together. Fred and Rose West. The less famous, uh, Hart brother. When are the famous, like, duos are that in this country? The Wright brothers.

Oh, they're dead. They flew planes, didn't he? Vic and Bob? Oh. Oh, that's it. It's make you laugh. I'm rolling over. I'm not, I'm not,

I'm not, Bob Mortimer. I'll just like Bob choked me out. Do some playful whimsy. Yeah, you're all in there for Bob Moore. Matt Lucas, David Williams. Stephen Fry and Hugh Laurie. I don't think I can take Stephen Fryman. Are they paid?

Yeah. Yeah. What? Fry and Laurie? Oh, sorry. Fry and Laurie, yeah. That's how they came up, in it? Like John Cleese and...

One of the other pythons. Which one? Go on, name another python. I forgot his name. Not the other funny one. Michael Palin. That's the one. He does the...

the documentaries as well, doesn't shared as half, I'd really prefer not to get national treasures. It's going to put me in a spot. No, because they're all old. Yeah, you don't want to fight Nicholas Cage and that little one. Nick Cage and one of the other coppers.

Francis Ford or? Sophia. Yeah, she's getting it. She's Captain Tom. And his daughter. I stopped saying dead people, Harry. I'd fucking make Captain Tom alive all dead, mate. I miss Captain Tom.

I wasn't here for that. I only saw snippets of it on socials. So it's like a thing that they can get to experience that you all have weird knowledge. I don't really know anything about it. That was a way. That's like waking up from a coma.

It's like, oh, there was a man who walked around his garden. Because he was massive, wasn't he? Captain Tom? Wasn't he like, fucking... Six, eight. Six, six. Six. He's bigger than Clunes. Yeah.

And his daughter was like, you fucking walk the garden again. He was walking around the garden and he was getting money for it in COVID. She was buying jacuzzis or something. I wasn't in jail, by the way. No, my mom's got a similar thing with the mid-90s

because she lived in Turkey. So she missed, like... Mr. Blobby. Friends. She never watched Friends. Do you know Mr. Blobby is? I'm sure. Mum, do you know who Mr. Blobby is?

They did not have friends in Turkey. Met. Nets. For the audio listener. The audio listener. Oh, that doesn't be. For the audio listener. Finn looked down the camera and said,

Mum, do you know who? Like, they're like, what? It's Julian. Mom! Do you know he? Mr. Blobby's a national treasure, though. Emma and old Edmond's in a pair. He'd fight them.

You're paced by blobby, like. Yeah, probably. We'll do another... Where, Joe? These are all so silly. Joel Atherton says, You're offered 10 million pounds to stand when no person has stood before in human history.

If you accept, you get three attempts. If you choose a location, and it turns out a human has stood there before, that attempt is burned. If all three attempts fail, you die instantly. If you successfully complete the task, 10 million pounds will instantly be deported. hosted into your bank account.

Do you take the deal? Harry was there before? Yeah, I was there. I'm there often, you know. What's going on? On land. You're not stod? You've got to be on. You're not stored?

Again, I think I've probably done that. By accident. Yeah, well, it's the only way place I can stand where I don't step in dog shit in this fucking studio. Adam just did a little bit of low-risk parkour. Where's no one been? I mean, what? Why's no one?

It's bits of Fiji, isn't it? There's bits of Fiji that no human's ever been before. Is everyone getting off with this, or is it just you? I think you, it's just, yeah, it's you. Yeah, I'm going to, like, somewhere in the deep rainforest. Yeah, but then what if you die? 10 million is not weird. You got to, you're going to put a risk and you can't be playing it safe.

You've got to be, like, I don't imagine everyone. It has to be on land. Yeah. So I can't just, like, build a shed and then stand on that. No. No. I also don't know how to have the shed. Are you instantly die?

I'm not getting anywhere. I can't be asked. It's admin. Adam, we move the shed from the hallway. It's going to get done. 10 million in another thing. No, I'm not doing it. It's too hard.

Instant death. Yeah. I reckon there's parts of Skem that haven't been walked on. What? Yeah, I reckon. Skem is like really, if you ever go to Skem, it's like, barren. a little bit.

It's been a place for thousands of years. No, it's not. It was a new town, do that mean? It's like Milton Deems. Please tell me about the thousand-year-old, the Roman con. Not a name of the area of Schembe, but the land has existed.

The land has existed for thousands of years. Hang on, what was millions of years? What was Schem before they put the round of water in? Fields. Yeah. People will have stood there, won't he? Yeah, you're right. It's just the way you worded it.

It sounded like Schem was a historic town. The tourists should visit. I think how old Schem then? Four or 50, 60 years old? Yeah, but there's old scum as well. It's got to be a few hundred at least. No, it's a new town. New town?

Like Milton Keynes. That's why there's so many roundabouts there. How old scum? Nearly a thousand years off. Fucking sit on that, Dan. No, but that's old, like, no, it's not. Is it old scum?

It's not like Ibitha? No, but there's old, there's old, the old town. Oh, I didn't mean, I thought you were talking about Newtown. The old towns. When was Schem built? So it says it's got a dual history.

is a historic settlement dating back nearly a thousand years with its first recorded mention in the Domesday Book of 1086. The Domesday book where every dome was listed. 1086, there you go. Henry the 8th might have summoned and skim. Yeah, Domesday. It does. But it is widely known as the Doomsday Book.

Before the great vowel shift. No, no, this is a different spelling. What? It's a different spelling. Yeah, but it's commonly known as the Doomsday Book, in it? It's before the sound who was invented. Yeah.

Forgive me though. It's spelled dome. I've never read the Doomsday Book of 1086. I might be wrong as well, but I think when I was taught about the Doomsday Book, it was called the Doomsday Book. In Ye Old English. However, its modern form

was officially designated as a new town on October 9th, 1961 to accommodate population overspill from Liverpool. Yeah, but for 900 years, there were still people there. People go and visit. Henry the 8th might have summoned in Skem. The most famous people to ever come from Skem are like Leon Osman.

I don't think. Yeah, but you're not reckon there might have been someone really famous back then who just didn't want everyone to know them from Skem. Where do you rank? What was it called? What was it called in the Doomsday Book? It's like a Scandinavian Skelmerzdal. Skelmerzdal.

No, Skelmustale. Every name is... Scandinavian if you say it in that voice. It's just spelled differently. Mani Varapul. Manchiahister. It's just a C instead of a K. Yeah, but it was sort of...

Welsh or something. It was juiced up as a town. Like it would just be a little dot of a farming village if it wasn't for... But the roundabouts have been there for nearly a thousand years. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, it was an old Anglo-Saxon farming village when they just put loads of roundabouts in.

Inventing the roundabout. They were like, these carts keep getting stuck at T-junctions. they were like, I've got an idea. Are you Schermer's biggest export right now? I was just about to say, I'm on notable people. You've got a shout, you know. You've got a shout. Stevie Highway.

No. He played for Scheme United States and all that. Yeah. If he's from there. Mo Salas plays Liverpool. He's not from Liverpool. You have to have been born there. Yeah, but I think it's different with Skirman.

He's born in Brighton as well? Like Bill Bow? He's born in Brighton. I was born in Brighton, yeah. I mean, but I reckon you could maybe make the argument for Parbold. I'm up there for Parbold. I don't think anybody lives in Parbolts. You just have to be there.

Exactly. Do you think it is where you're born and not where you are raised? No, because I'm not from Brighton, am I? I've only ever been there once. We were a Brighton passport? Brighton's on my passport,

but I've only ever been there once. On your wiki would have said born Brighton. It would. But I'm not from Brighton because I've been there once like as a tourist and then the other time I was in a pussy. Where you're from? Never changes.

Wherever you come out of your Pum-Pum, that's where you're from. No, but that's not where I'm from. My mum could have gone on holiday. That's not how it works. What do you mean? What if you get born on holiday? Who's from Spain?

Who's that French player? It's not Spain. I know somebody who... If you accidentally get born in like Switzerland, I don't know why you've been on holiday in Switzerland. You're not Swiss, are you? Most people do the opposite, don't they? They accidentally die in Switzerland.

I know somebody who moved to New Zealand from the UK got pregnant and then she came home to have the baby in the UK so it can be from the UK, get UK passport. Otherwise, it'd be before. from New Zealand. So, so my mum goes on holiday

for a high risk like right at the end of nine months goes to Switzerland. Yeah. I'm born in Switzerland. I'm there for two and a half days. You're a Swiss baby? I am brought back to Preston.

I'm British. No, you're Swiss? Yeah, no, I am British. She's the little Swiss boy in town? You don't have British heretton. I go to school. I don't understand Flemish or whatever you're speaking. What a fucking load of bollocks.

Born in Switzerland, man. Hang on. Literally. You play for the Swiss national team. Yeah, okay, but you're not from Switzerland, not you. If someone goes, where are you from? You're like, ah, well, it's where my whole life in Preston, Lancashire, but on a technicality, I fell out of a womb in Switzerland,

so I'm Swiss. You're not. You're not from Switzerland. Surely. I think you're from Switzerland. Okay, well, there's a question for you then. Let's just say, right? You followed Pompum home in Switzerland.

Zurich, right? Your mom comes back. From the age of zero to one and a half, she lives in Preston. From one and a half to three, she lives in Manchester, from three to five leads. What's she doing?

Escaping gambling, I'd be like, mum sort your fucking life, aren't me? She saw some Swiss bullion. So you spend basically two years in seven different places and 2015. Then it gets really complicated, where are you from?

Yeah, I don't know. Switzerland. But if you are, that whole time, for 45 years, you are from, You are living in Preston. You're raised in Preston.

Your parents are... You are from Preston, aren't you? Okay, so you're born in Preston. You live there till you're six. You moved to Newcastle. You live in Newcastle until you're 18. Where you're from? I don't know.

What have you someone in Switzerland? Half the year? It's complicated. Are your kids from Nottingham, Dan? Yeah, Jack was... Yeah, Jack's from Nottingham, yeah. He's never lived there. He'll never live there.

He's going to be raised. You can't rule that out. No, I can't rule that out. But I'm telling you how it looks like it's going to pan out, he's going to be born in Nottingham and then move to Chester on the third day of his life or whatever.

He's from Nottingham, he's from Nottingham, so he's He's lucky, he's not Swiss. You're from wherever you're born. Like, if you get, if you, like, that's why Mexicans try and run into America and drop a baby out because then that baby's American by Bairthright citizenship. Well, they're trying to remove it, aren't they? Yeah.

So there you go. It's a law in the States. Yeah, well, that doesn't mean it's a law here, should be. Or that it's sort of what we're talking about. Do we not have birthright citizenship in the UK? No, I don't think so. It's a good Google. There's a French football player that was born at sea, and he's not a fish or anything.

Well, he's... No, he doesn't change what species you are very much. No, he's from the sea? Well, he's not a pirate, then. He's from the sea. He's born in the sky. See, that you're from the sky. The UK does not have universal birthright citizenship.

However, children born in the UK are only automatically British citizens of at least one parent is a British citizen or is settled in the UK. What about Switzerland? Just asking for... I can't believe you think that. Where were you born?

Sharon Green in Preston. You're from Preston? I'm from Sharon's Green. But you lived in many other different areas, didn't you? As grown up as a person. I left Preston when I was 19. Prestonian boy. Yeah.

Thank you for allowing. me that. It's great. But if it was Switzerland. I did go to Crete twice in my childhood. Am I Greek? A little bit. Because you went born there?

Oh, I wasn't born. You were born there? It's wherever you leave the boom-pun for me. No. What happens if you're on the border? Like Chester. What's the border of Wales? The corner flag, the bottom left

corner flag and Chester FC's ground is in England, the rest of it's in Wales. What happens I'm saying? What have you born at the corner flag of Chester's ground? Again, questions about the mum. What were you doing? She's at the game.

She's at the game. She's at the game. And someone's like, quick, stop the game. Stop. This woman's giving birth. In their way end. They're playing Egbert. Hey, stop the game.

This lady's giving birth. I tell you what'd be fun. Let's have a born on the border. This will confuse everyone, including podcasters. No, they're not doing it deliberately. They're just like, quick, get it out of the stands. Get her down here. That's where the stretcher is.

It's at the corner flag. Also, is there a Welsh podcast? passport? Yeah. Is it very powerful? Yeah, it's so powerful, man. I'm just saying, you're basically giving your child a more powerful passport. Is there a Welsh passport?

Oh. I like having fun. I like having a laugh like the next person. Isn't the one? Like a Vlifi passport? Don't piss him off again. It can't do three weeks in a row. It's just a British passport, but they call it a pastidi-dee-de-de-de-de-poat-tee.

Let's me pasty. And it's lovely warm-died. up. Where is my past reportee? Anybody see my planey book? If you're Welsh and you get out of it. It is shit banter, but we've not bought of it. It's my plainie book.

I've not see the play any book for a couple of years. I've got tickets to selling Cardiff. I apologize. So, man. At nangle.com. Let's do some have words. Stop going on your phone when the jingle's playing. No.

Get off your fucking phone. Get off your fucking phone. Ted says, Have a word with my neighbour across the road. She hosts a monthly reggae night into the early hours of the morning and makes parking a fucking nightmare on our street. Parking's the problem.

Ross Clart. Have a word, man. And that's what the fact. You need to read that again. What you mean? What's a reggae night? She'd better be black. What do you mean? What do you mean?

What do you mean? If I went to you, I'm having a reggae night, I know what that is. I would know what it is, yeah? Is it? A night where you're playing reggae music in the house? Is that here? Is you play reggae music?

Or are you eating like... Reggae, reggae salts? Is there like Cadillacs in the street? I don't know. Reggae's just a genre of music. You hosted a hip-hop night. It's that, but with reggae. But in your house?

In your house? Yeah. Ticketed. Where did the Cadillacs come from? Yeah. No, I don't... Yes, you do. What?

Don't play stupid. Are you can play in Cuba and all their Cadillacs with Jamaica? Don't play stupid on purpose. All right. And I'm going to a reggae night. Which car you're taking, the Ford Focus? Are you fucking mad? What do you think Sean Paul drives a fucking Prius?

Man's got a fucking reggae, Compton, Cardi, hasn't he? Sean Paul's not Reggie? Neither's Compton. Does he know? Sean Paul not Reggae. He also drives us to cyber truck. Go on. Sean Paul is not a reggae artist.

Go on. Reggae, he's listed as one of the genres. Is it a reggaeton? Is that what it's called? Ah, there's a big difference. He's reggae, Jason. I guarantee Sean Paul's genres as reggae in it. on his Wikipedia.

Here we go. Dance Hall. No, click on his thing. Primarily a dancehall artist, often blending Jamaican reggae with pop, hip-hop and R&B. Thank you. Suck my Cadillacs.

Reggae, Sean Paul. So she hosts a monthly reggae night featuring a lot of very loud Sean Paul music. A shot a bar. Into the early hours of the morning it makes parking a fucking nightmare on our street. Have a word, man.

Every month, I'd go, I think. Is she ticket in this? Maybe she's just having the gang around, ma'am. Come around to ours, we'll have a little reggae night, you know. What do you eat? What if the reggae is disguising something more sinister? Like loud, there's loud reggae music, so they're like, they're having a reggae night

when really there's something else going on. Sex. Like a March? Not a march. A rally. A reggae rally. A sex march. Do you ever get annoyed of people parking, like,

right in front of your street? I think my street couldn't, I think my street could. the worst in the world for parking. I very, rarely park it's at my house. But you're not one of these dickheads who comes out going, that's my spot. Absolutely not, no.

But there's someone in my street who now has a cone. Fuck, their cone. But that annoys me because I'm like, well, you're kind of punishing everyone else in the street because... They haven't got a cone. We park there too. If we got, like...

Yeah. I just need to come. Yeah. I had to make it. When I arrived at yours, I had to move a log. Someone put a log there. I put the log down.

Sorry. Oh no, that I ate that log. Fuck that log. But we're getting... What? Someone puts a log down. No, no. There was a log on the pavement.

It wasn't on the, in the gutter. But we're getting residents-only parking payments, which is good. But... It's not good. Why? Because you live in an area where people should be around to park. There's residents that need to park. Fuck them.

Oh, right. Oh, fuck me, directly. Fuck you in your log. People park and town all the house all the time. We should unfarm me. It's whatever. And the other day, I was in the window with Wallace,

as in like he was on the back of the couch, and it looked like I was looking out, and someone parked, it looked like I was staring at them, and he knocked him and, I made, I'm like, you're the first person who's ever asked? Absolutely you are.

Thank you for asking, but... It's not an issue. It's got to get over there. Yeah. But if there was loads of Cadillacs and reggae music blasts across the road, might have a bit more of an issue. Depends what night of the week it's on.

You can't do reggae on a Tuesday. Now, come on. Have some respect. Friday night. Once a month, as well, well it's not the end of the world is it I think just get involved man you go and see what you're missing

I don't think it is monthly I think he's getting carried away there's no way once a month that she's having a reggae night this has happened three times he's like this is every fucking month it's fucking reggae blaring yeah it's Sean Paul

it's mainly dance hall but he is reggae affiliated but the fucking Parkinson's have you signed the size of these Cadillacs they're very long Yeah, I know I put the log out But no one respects the law Is this person in the garden?

Well, I buy a cold then, Shirley. I'll put the fucking thing out. It's not monthly. But what if it is? Then she's fucking mental. It's not wrong with it? You've got to get involved. She's been reggae, man, everyone does it?

There's nothing wrong with it. I honestly just think everyone gets up their own ass about like people just living their lives and having social lives. Adam Rowe. If a neighbour across the way

put on a monthly reggae night till the early hours of the morning, you'd be fucking fuming. Why? I'd just go out. If I was, I'd either go and enjoy myself or I'd go to pub.

I'd be like, oh, they're having the reggae, I'll just leave them to it. What if Remy's down early? And you've just got him down. He's been a really difficult. Mr. Bumbastick, boom, boom, boom.

Again, not reggae. Shaggy. Shaggy. Oh, come on. We've all had the fucking guy in the break you. Also, can you sing Mr. Bumbastigoo? But it's like, Bump,

It's a remix. He's like, remit to love a pub. And you're like, let's go to the pub. It is what it is. He's in a human world. I love him. And I'd fucking die for him. But if someone wants a reggae night,

once a month, what's a month as well? I'll just fucking sort it out. Like, we'll take him out for the night. We'll go and stay in the dog hotel. People start leaving the road? I just, no, I wouldn't. I'd just live with it.

I'd just be like, yeah, they're having the reggae night. I turn the fucking volume up on the telly and just fucking shut up and chill out. Like, just let people have fun, man. second-hand high off the reggae night. There's no way he's this chill. It would have been a very different podcast if we'd done six and a half years of it is what it is with Adam Row.

I don't know. Just leave it. Fucking sound. I do you just think like... Open the window, if anything. Oh, you've got neighbours. You can't have a reggae night. Shut the fuck up.

Okay, well, if there's like pop fumes coming out of the window and, you know, people have got like flared trousers on. Oh, well, that's the line. There's women and played stringed instruments. Do you know what I mean? Like, you'd be like, whoa. Fine.

Do you want to... It's your house. Do whatever you want. If that was every night, I'd be like, listen, you can't be having reggae nights every night. You just can't. This is not... I think once a month does make it acceptable.

Once a week, maybe not. I can live with it. Last Thursday of the month, Reggae night, I'll get a pair of fucking noise cancelling headphones and I'll connect them to the telly, we'll be all right. Ted, can you send us more information about the reggae night? Potentially a flyer or something if she's got one. Because...

I've got more questions about how you have a monthly reggae night. It sounds phenomenal. Apparently, it's something Adam wants. She's probably just in some reggae group. Does it not like a band? Does that sound like a thing? It's a fucking reggae group. Everyone's doing it.

They're doing body pump, reggae group. It's just a lot of people bond over a mutual interest. So she's met some like-minded reggae fans. She likes getting dicked. Yeah. Me and Ellie went to Lark Lane and there was a goth chess group. So I mean, there's, you know, different strokes. And they all turn up in different cars and really,

affect the parking in the area. Oh my God, there's an Afro-Caribbean all-white party at City Vault. Not an avid. This Saturday. It's out,

it's today, guys. If you're watching it on that... Read the name of the event again because... Afro-Caribian all-white party at City Vaults. Is it racist on it? No, all-white is capitalised.

I imagine that's the brand and... Ah, so they're shouting it. They're shouting it. No, as in all white. The A and the W. So it's a name. I think it's saying whites only, I think it's saying...

Everything's all white. It's... It's... It feels like... It feels like it's saying all white people. Yeah, all white. No, that's just the name of the brand. Don't take anything from that.

Everyone's welcome. All white. Everyone welcome. Might have a speech impediment when he types. All white. Press the button, man. Spaceship Billy's on. I'm going to be there.

Spaceship Billy. He did the plumberland. His spaceship Billy white. Spaceship Billy is not white. Well, if the picture's Spaceship Billy, then no. But he's Burner Boy's official. DJ so we must be good. And the boy's good.

Oh, sign me up every month. I really like it when like the guest instigates a beer. It doesn't happen very often. Like, for the amount of boozing that goes on between us collectively, there isn't that much beer drank in here. Yeah? You know, fucking Taylor Ryan turns up.

Hey! Let's go, let's, let's, let's, let's, yeah. I, uh, I noted that I really like your vibe today. Yeah. The kickers jumper, very 90s, a bit of me. Thank you. Very relaxed, almost paj. pyjama pants even.

They're like outdoor pajamas. It's giving a shift at the kitchen. I'm going for chef. That's what I'm going for today. Shift at the kitchen. Yeah. They're chef. They're chef pants. They're chef pants. Called playing as a chef. Class. I've even got the books. You can't wear beck and stock in the kitchen. No, that is a recipe for blistered feet.

Yeah, it is. You're right, actually. I reckon there's some crocs worn in the... Yeah, that's a crock. They're different. Crocs and bacon stocks are not the same thing. Chef in the striper jeans. Why, they've got different names, then. Chef in the striper jeans. What? Chef in the...

It's bringing the film Chef and Boy in the Striped Pajamas together. Because no one was thinking of the Holocaust. So, Carl's thought... I know what we need to think about. Give us the plot of the chef in the striped pajamas. Instead of a boy, it's Gordon Ramsey. And he ends up getting...

Oh, it's the same film. Just with Gordon Ramsey. Right, okay. Yeah, it's how to boy, it's a chef. Or Anthony O'Donnell Thompson. I feel like he's more gullible. Anthony Waddle Thompson gets holocausted. Yeah.

Tell me he wasn't going to see it. Or at least watch the trailer. I haven't seen, like, any of the Spanish. Adam and films you. I think I'll start with them. Not than Anthony World Thompson against holocaust. That's the natural progression

to the boy in a striped pajamas. Yeah. Anyway, good to have you back. Thank you. Thanks for having me back. It's fair... You've only done the pod once, haven't you? Yeah, I have, but I feel like...

Well, we... Yeah, we hang out a lot. Well, not a lot, but like enough for it to be like, it feels like I've been here more. You've done a special too. Two specials. Yeah, the roast. And you were a dominatrix in...

And then I was a fake dominatrix. The fake dominatrix a really unconvincing dominatorics as well. That was pre- Why was it? What? Because you get giggling every time I told you to fuck off.

That was before your appearance on the couch. Yeah. Yeah. And then you had Christmas dinner at my house. Yeah, I did. Yeah. Yeah, that was nice. That wasn't on pod.

Just to let you know. If you're trying to find that on Patreon. Taylor's it, I don't know. But yeah, good to have you back. Yeah, thanks to having me back. How's life? How's life? How are you? It's good.

I live in Liverpool now, which is nice. I feel like it's mad that it's taken this long to get back onto the pod while also now living here whereas when I first came on I had to travel it was like four and a half hours to get here I stayed in an Airbnb and everything

and then got drunk and then drove home not on the same night and then went home so it's mad that like it's literally 30 minutes down the road now and I 30 minutes how long have you been in Liverpool a year a whole year

so you're not getting the accent by the sounds of her So it's not a love a puddley an accent. I don't know what it was. Can you do any scos? You picked anything up? No, because I'm obviously going to say the can of... No, no, no, no.

It's actually coaxing, no. It's racist. Say, come round to ours and I'll do you the roast, mate. This isn't my strong point, just so you know. Well, am I saying, come round to... Come round to ours and I'll do you the roast, mate. Come round to ours and I'll do you a roast, mate. Whoa.

We fell off the fuck. I can't go out on that way. Come round to a hard on the road, I can't, that's not my, it's not my thing. I've never said that this is my thing. I know, but that's the fun game. Making people who can't do accents, do accents. It's true.

The best game. Give me any accent. Chinese. Go on, do Chinese. Say come round to ours and I'll do you to roastmates in Chinese. Don't. That's Chinese. So I'm not looking to get cancelled today.

Well, you're on the wrong. Well, the fucking last time I came on here, yeah. You did a clip, put it on. Instagram. It was about children of some sort. And I'm not going to go into it more than that, just in case this gets clipped. You put it on Instagram. Instagram deleted it and then they blocked me from going live for a year. Oh shit. Yeah. And I didn't say anything. It was what you guys were joking about, but I was collabed on the post. So Instagram was like, not the slag. They were like, don't let her speak again. Is it maybe because we were talking about children and because of your content, they were like, oh, we can't be letting kids see. tits and that. Yeah, I think they were just, I don't know what it was. Do you often go live on Instagram?

No. It really didn't make a difference to me. It literally changed my life, I'd not at all. Are you going to talk about that? You can't go live for a year. Oh, no. And I'm still not going to.

And it's back, so that's great. Is there no benefit to go on live on Instagram to drive your subs and followers and stuff like that? Well, you know what? For the last year, I haven't been able to find out. All right? Oh, yeah, it really drives subs. 34 followers watching you.

Thanks. Oh, hey guys, this is what I'm up to today. No kids. All right. I'm just chefing. Yeah, everyone logs out after that, don't they? Do you ever go live on any platform? Yeah, on my OF.

So what you could do is you could go live on Instagram for like the, you know, the pre- The build-up. Yeah, I'd be like, you want to see the rest come over here. Yeah. So that's a good idea. Well, no, because my lives on OF are like, they're games.

So, like, I host games. So it doesn't like start, like, on, do you have to do you know what? Camming's like. Like, do you know, on cam with, like, girls, like, they'll start in their clothes and they'll suddenly, like, undress. And, but it's not like that on my lives. I play games.

So you've got, like, spin the wheels. You've got, like, shot roulette where I've got, like, shots of alcohol and water. They pay for a shot. I spin it. And then whatever the number lands on, I take that shot, and it's either going to be alcohol or not. So, like... Sorry.

Let me just get this straight in my head. Yeah. There's men and women and possibly trans people. Yeah. Watching your lives. And they're giving you money. to spin a roulette wheel and have a bevy. And that's all that happens.

Yes. Are you dressed up for this? This isn't, this isn't Chef Pant Day, is it? No, this isn't Chef Pant Day. Because it, although, like, you're making a fucking killing on OnlyFans just like, yeah, I've just got up,

let's play past the parcel with myself. And there's people going, oh, this is the best content. So what's the X factor there? Is it what you wear and do anything else? You're like, you just... Yeah, like, I'm dressed, but it's obviously like saucy, like fun.

Like, I'm not... I'm not... I'm not dressed in my kickers jumper doing these games. But it's like, it's like cute underwear, cute outfits, that sort of stuff. Class. Yeah. I got in trouble with a couple of our listeners, or maybe some of your fans who came and watched the episode.

Yeah. After you were last on, because I said you hide or mask your autism well. You did. I said, like, you know, you wouldn't necessarily know when you first meet you that you're autistic. Oh, something like that. Or I might have just boiled that down to you don't fucking look autistic. It was something in that way.

And people were like, Jesus Christ, Adam, you're proving everyone's point about autism. I would like to say, I've now spent a lot more time with Taylor and she's obviously autistic. Like, it's so fucking bang on apparent after more than like a nower in her company. No, stop it because Finn,

at Jack's birthday this year when we went to the Chinese, I was sat next to Finn and he turned around to me and set the same fucking thing. He went, you know what? Like, when I first met you, like I just didn't think that you were autistic,

but like it's obvious now. Oh, yeah. What did she do? She did something to the Chinese. I'm pretty sure she did a Chinese accent. I did not do a Chinese accent. I don't think we've ever spent much time, like, chatting. So everyone's got to know you.

And then I've been like, oh, it's Taylor's here. Like, you really made me laugh because the woman who was taking the orders at the Chinese restaurant, I don't know if she was if it was a power play, but really leaned into your space. Her tail was in my face. She was like, so what else do you want?

And then really came in. And at one point, like, Taylor was, like, we were opposite each other on the table. And you made eye contact with me like, this is intense, isn't it? And I was like, that looks intense. And then you just fake kissed a tit. She just went, hmm. And I was like, yeah, Taylor-San. You were kissing the Chinese woman's tit in a restaurant?

Well, I was attempting to. Well, you know what? If someone puts a tit in face, what does one do? Oh, legally, legally, that tit was sent. And then I wait for an answer. That's what I do. Sex games with Adam. It's 2026.

What do you want to do? No, her tip was so far in Taylor's kissing space. That's not what it's called. Mouth? Yeah. Honestly. It was like, she was like going, Hey, loads of shoe might come and get a bit of this.

Open your kiss in space. Say come in it. But it was like, it was there. Like, if I, like, just turned my head, we would be, it would be touching. It would be going over. Maybe that's like a Chinese, like, culture thing. Yeah, potentially. I've not been introduced to that before, but I have now.

So, there's that. What would it be, Carl? What's the cultural, like, significance? It's like I'm so comfortable around the people who I'm, you know, serving, I'll give them me tits. Right. Also, they're from a country with there's loads of people, so they're maybe just used to having tits in faces.

What a place. They're always close to each other, aren't they? Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah. Well, I meant no disrespect by it. She didn't, I think she took any. She had no fucking close. Do you know that, like, sort of study?

It was like, about China. I was like, oh, it's fucking chocker over there. Like, there's no room. Like, you can't fucking move. Is that something? I think I read that recently. No, but that's what they're literally referencing. Like, all you can't move for tits around there.

You're saying that way, there's tits there because there's too many Chinese people. It's all just people over there. There's anapobic pervert from China. There's fucking tits everywhere. Close the border, there's too many tits. I can't move for tit. But like, you know how in this country,

people are starting to say that, aren't they? Like people who are right, like, ultra right wing are like, stop their fucking boats, get them fucking out. Those people say this country's too full. So are we maybe just hearing from right-wing Chinese propagandists. Maybe it's just fucking, you know,

it's just like fucking Lincoln over there. It's just like dead quiet. That is a food for fort. That's a food for fort. Rural Scunfort, maybe. Which is in Lincolnshire. Have you ever seen that clip of James Acaster growing around? Is it?

Is it Kettering? He's in Kettering talking to some old fella. And he's like, so what you think about the country? He's like, oh, it's just full. So there's too many people. And they're just in a town square and there's nobody else there. in the middle of Kettering

and he goes, it doesn't look or feel busy, doesn't it? It's like, yeah, it will be later, like around lunchtime, it's early now in it, but like around lunchtime,

be full of people, and James goes from, and the fellas just goes, abroad. It's really, a little pause when he's like, yeah. Yeah, I think China's probably just,

I think a lot of those, like, sorts of eastern countries, you know, North Korea, China, the other ones, I think we get a lot of information about those countries that is inaccurate. There's a lot of North Korean propaganda. There's a lot of untrue North Korean propaganda.

I kind of just want to go to China. I reckon it's fucking sound. I think downtown Beijing is probably pretty busy. Yeah, but that's probably tourists, isn't it? It's like London, isn't it? Downtown London's busy, ma'am. Yeah, downtown. I was going downtown London.

Sometimes I go uptown London But it's so quiet There's no vibe I like the girls are I imagine Leicester Square And Beijing downtown are similar But I reckon if you go out

A little bit to where people Actually from Beijing live I reckon there's loads of space You know what I mean Yeah I don't go to touristy Beijing I want to go to the Brooklyn of Beijing I reckon it's just you know Loads of dog parks

And everyone just having a nice time Restaurants they call Can't even seat in Oh Do the Japanese dudes Because the Chinese Chinese uncles It was good

Nice On the Chinese uncles If it's a warm day They just pull the t-shirt up Don't they and have the belly out Sorry That's like a cultural thing over there If you're an older

If you're an older If it's a warm day They just fucking pull the t-shirt up And let their belly breathe That's my place Respect Yeah Have you ever travelled anywhere exotic

Thailand It's quite a good Exotic. I think we're going to go there as a podcast soon. It's like, I've been three times. It's so good. Would you recommend those boys? Would I recommend you guys going? No, what to do there? What to do.

What to do? I mean, there's lots to do. The boat tours are fucking sick. Not the boat parties. I've not been on a boat party, but I look at that sort of stuff and I just think I would rather die than be on a boat party with other people that are also drunk and it's busy and packed. You can't leave? And you can't go anywhere. And if you just absolutely hate someone,

for no reason, they could just be fucking ugly and you just hate their face. You can't live, well, I'm not sure because I haven't personally done it. It just seems horrible. Right. So that's where I'm at with that. But the boats are fun.

Like the speed boats are fun. I'm glad you've been as a female. Because, you know, I think some of, I think our partners, some of our partners might be worried about us going to time and being like, they're going shagging. It's just prostitutes and lady boys. They're going to be bumming every day.

I'm glad you've been and you can let our partners know that's not all just bum parties with this boat as well there is boats all right but there is a lot of of lady boys in the streets like walking

and you can't tell can you? Yeah they tell you don't they go I got pee pee-p are we all alright today? No they do they're really open about it isn't there a word they say like you ask for like like no sausage or something

onion sausage dinner. Right. Sorry. The White House again. What's going on? No, but it's like a code where they go, hey, I'm a lady boy. I want to let you know by saying,

there must be like a code where. Are they working at a hot dog stand? Do you know what I mean? I'm like, I am a, but you know. So hang on. You think you go up to a prostitute in the streets and they're just like, just going to let you know, John. I've got a cock, me, mate.

Just that's all right? I sell hot dogs. We're not just the bun. Wink, wink. I thought there'd be a word Like, you know, like, by the way, there's a, there's two penises in this transaction. They've got two penis in.

You've got one. Ah, okay. I'd want you to know John that my name is also John. Just something like that. Just a couple of Johns. What? What's the word?

Katoi. There you go. Yeah, but I don't speak Thai. It's easy if she just goes. But you know what that way it means? If I tell you anything, they will forget it by the time with her. And that's what I'll say, you know, when I suck a lady boy off.

I forgot Katoy. I was like, is this a dick? Oh, yeah. How good toys! What made you go back three times? That's autism, in it? The boats. I like it, I'm going back.

Yeah, do you know what the worst part is as well? It's like, when I say I've been... You're on the boats today. What do you mean? You loved, like, you just literally gone, oh, can't wait to go back to Nashville. You fucking love a bit of repeat business. That's nothing to do with autism.

I mean, it's just, it's just great. It's got all the stuff I like, Can it be it? That's not to do with autism. It's going on a filter like on beer. I just got country music and I wear my hat.

It's got nothing to do with autism. I'm going five times next year. Buy nine new hats. I've got them on my wall. I don't tend to go back to places. I like visit and having new experiences. How many times you've been to Nashville? Three?

New York. What? I goes to New York every year, but that's for work. That's for career progression. I've been to Kennedy three times but we were different people anyway

and it was always my idea you've been three times to Thailand mad I've been to the same places as well which I think is the thing that's like that's where I fall down that's where it's autism it's like I know these places

I know how to get to each place I know what boats to get I know it's the bus situation all over again I know the bus route I like the bus route I want to know the bus route I know the boat routes it's comfortable

Taylor, a lot of people holiday like that. They get in a little, we know it, we know the people at these restaurants. I even like a bit of that. Okay, that's right. It terrifies me now. Like I like going back, genuinely, the reason I like going back to New York so often

is every time I go, it's different. Like, there's always stuff I haven't done before. When there's like an old couple who are like, oh, we go Benazorm every year. We're trying time it so that Billy and Gene are there as well. Me, us and Billy and Gene. We get the room.

Michael Jackson fans, yeah. Michael Jackson, Billy and Gene. And Gene doesn't mind getting up at four o'clock and getting us the same seats down the pool. We love Billy and Gene. If they can go, then we're not going, you know. No, we're not going this year. Billy and Gene have had heart problems.

Both and both. Yeah, I don't want that. I don't want that from my own. You can't be asked. Oh, I'm actually sick. There's so many parents of people that listen that do that exact whole. holiday. They're going as well. We meet them there every time.

It's not a holiday. Yeah. Have you ever made a friend on holiday? Uh, yeah, I did actually. And kept in touch. For the most part, but not any more. So I guess the answers no. I have. I made a couple from Washington, D.C. Oh. Oh, gosh. Sorry. Sorry. Yeah, I have. Sorry. Yeah, I have. No, carry on with your Washington. Sorry. You are the guest here. Yeah. Yeah. That's true. Actually, yeah, back to me. So there was this. There was this. There was couple that I met when I was in in Rome and they're

from America and then we keep in touch all the time and then I went to Las Vegas last year and they're in Utah so they got our flight over to Vegas and I got to see them again and then I went to Mexico last year and then I saw them and you forgot about these people just now? Yeah that's bad that is bad and you saw them again

in Mexico? Yeah it was their 50th birthday so we flew over to Mexico to celebrate and you forgot about these people. That's quite a big relationship. To meet the friends you met on holiday. Have you ever met on a lot? Nope.

Do you know what? I forget about it though because Mexico was such a fucking awful holiday for me that like the trauma from that like I don't want to remember it. What happened in Mexico? There was a, so I got food poisoning. I was in bed for two days.

I didn't eat for three days, not joking. I had water and then would throw it up. And then there was two fucking earthquakes. And I was by myself. in bed and I got woken up with the pictures shaking and the hotel shaking and stuff and I was completely by myself and I thought oh I'm butt naked about to shit myself and I'm going to die so if bad situation if anyone finds me yeah it's like at the top of my not going back list that's what Mexico's fault if anyone bind you in the rubble of a hotel yeah and

they're going to be like oh hang on she was crushed to death but she shut herself yeah shit down your back do you sleep like a bat you shit up your back you've got a Poonami depends on the force doesn't it it turns of bad it was but it was and it was pretty bad so

yeah do you joke again what what'd you say Poonami that's how well that if you're a parent you know the Poonami bit I'd like to lit yes when they have a nappy on and they shit so much

it goes up their back yeah I'm never like a kid's female that Seneca, what, there's been a poo-n-n-armie in the living room again? Nah, lad. Really bad. They're dirty.

I'd love to live through a... Have you three of your kids ever got their own shit on the top of their head? No, Adam. But lovely segue. Have they ever poo-n-armied so hard, it's travelled up their back? No, but have they ever, like... No, I didn't mean that. I literally meant that you meant that.

You're like the Kim Kardashian picture, but it's poo. Oh my God, yeah. A coma. over of shit from their ass to their forehead. Does that have what happened then? No, let me think. Oh yeah, it has happened. And we celebrated in Mexico over here on the anniversary.

I just forgot initially. Did Billy and Gene have a nice time now? Yeah, they loved it. Best time. I've got to, they've actually divorced now, so I've only got one friend because I'm picking his side. I don't know if you know why the divorce.

Maybe he's honorable. Yes. I'm really, really, really very sorry. No one. Hang on. Have you never mentioned these? Have you never mentioned

that is a made up couple? No. I mean, I'll show you pictures of them and stuff if you want. We are, um, where did you meet? In Costa Rica.

We're in the pool and, um, we were like the mythic British person to an American. They're like, whoa, you're British and that's amazing to them. And, uh, like every time you go down to the pool,

like get the ones next to us and then we chat and obviously the culture. differences are insane. So the conversations are really interesting. Where are they from America? Washington? Yeah. So we've got a gun cabinet which I'm fucking like

Wow, that's madness like yeah, it's so normal and then I'm telling me about like mash and stuff that they haven't got. We've got AK 47s you've got mashed for say so and then we ended up

Marsh in America? I don't know Marsh or so, I'm pretty sure they're at Marsh. Yeah, but it's like frozen shit that they can buy. They've got shit we've got mash.

Aren't they the same? I'm getting in the weeds and then we went to Neckaragua together. What? We went to Necharaguers together for the day. These are just a more exciting version of Billion G.

It's the same shit. Just because them... Yeah. But then for the year he kept calling me on Facebook Messenger. Oh, cool guy. And I was like, I'm not... He's like six foot six

works in cyber security. He's got so much money because in that... In that world in America, they're so well paid. So he's got like, like, this big man. She's like, yeah, he should come over

and stay in that. Like, you can drive me G-wagon. I'm like, yeah, sick. But then he called me all the time. But then he called me all the time. I thought you said these are your friends. No, it wasn't his friend. That was his holiday friends.

You said, I made friends with a couple from Washington. Oh, no, we were friends on holiday. Yeah, but most people who do that and commit to go into another country with them for the day? It was across a board. It was a day. That's how you get to another country, yeah?

It was a day. Fucking go through Nam with them, did I? Is that what I did? You don't have to be able to be able to get them in the day, didn't we? We're not best friends for life. Yeah, but he's keeping in touch, man. And the other day, he went live on Instagram.

Have you ever gone in someone... Look at him. Have you ever gone in someone's Instagram live and you're the only viewer? Because it tells you they've joined. It tells them you've joined. And they go, hello. And you're like, oh, this is just a video call

but you can't see me. And we were like having a very delayed conversation. He's like, yeah, I was like, yeah, I'm good. I was like, I'm going to go now. He's like, yeah. Speak to you later. No. Yeah, because before you join that, he's there.

Just going to wait for. a few people to join. Oh, Carl, hello, lad. Yeah, no, we met Carl, and we went to Nicodak. We went together, didn't we? I remember that trip. And you stopped answering to me, call. When was the last time you had a conversation with...

Aside from the Instagram live? Yeah. Probably five years ago. Oh, what side did you pick? What side did you pick? Well, I didn't know he divorced until... Because he went, hey, I know. He was speaking to chat.

No one there. He was like, I know Carl. I was like, I'm the only one here, fella. We know how we met. Do you think after you left the live? Do you think he wrapped it up? I don't know because he went, I know, I know, my ex-wife.

I was like, oh, they've got them. I don't know they've got him divorced. Oh, right. I thought you actually chose sides. You being the only person buying a ticket to his Edinburgh Fringe show. But he's like telling the rest of the audience who you are. Oh yeah.

Empty, yeah, no, I know, okay. We go, where are you going? And I was like, I'm going to go now. And I was like, oh, it's weird. No one else joined. When I was there, it was maybe three or four minutes. I just, you know, I humoured them when I was chatting away, but no one else joined. Nobody.

Makes me never want to talk to anyone on holiday again, just in case. You started this by saying you've picking a side. Oh, no, I mean, I didn't basically get divorced, but, you know, I didn't. Do you see the confusion though now? Do you see what you've done? Go on. No, this, exactly that.

Like, we're wondering who side you picked, but you started it with, do you know, when you pick sides during divorce and we're just like, oh, no, I pick this side simply just based on, I have an Instagram live with them. And I haven't have one of her. So you just, you just, you just,

It was a full circle to rub it in that he can go on. And also, there was a little bit of shink on ex-wife. Just the way he's like, yeah, with me-Dominique. Yeah, he's like, yeah, it was doing with me ex-wife as in like, obviously she's done something bad. Not always. He made the team. And that's the only information I've got.

Did you not ask him? Surely you ask at that point. What happened to that bitch? Yeah. No. Didn't want to embarrass him in front of all of his other followers. He didn't want to talk about it publicly, bless him. I will take this offline, call.

tries to bring you again you stood up answer so this is a weird thing there's a girl who worked with me and Steve who worked in like a sanctuary with um honkeys no

raccoons I honestly thought you said honkies honkies then honkied honks that's natural isn't it yeah that sounds like a lovely day trip oh you can adopt a honky

and they're all just in a pen going it's full The paint's full. Build a wall. No, she worked with raccoons. That's going to be the first Have a word sketch that. The honky sanctioning.

Adopt a honky. Well, I'll give you more context. At the hotel in Costa Rica There was wild raccoons, which we only see on TikTok being cute. Do you ever see them? They grab stuff and...

Yeah. Yeah, with that little raccoon hands. Yeah, yeah. But in America, they're seen as pests. They're getting in your... bins, they do horrible shit, they hate them. Do you like, Dan? I said raccoons. I know. I know he did. He said nothing wrong.

Said nothing wrong. Carry on. And there's a group of them, wild ones. Oh, not a group of them. They were in the bins, Dan? Seneca was giving them some food when the game over. So anyway, Seneca was like... Start again. There's a group of wild raccoons going through the bins.

And Seneca was talking to this couple going, I've heard there's raccoons in the hotel. That's amazing. Because, you know. And she went, I've only seen them on TikTok where they're dead cute. Like, I'd love to see one. And they were like, what are they talking about?

They're basically like rats. They're basically fucking rats. Like they were so surprised that she was so, she was like, because I knew somebody who worked in a sanctuary with them. And she had one called Waffles. The raccoon called Waffles. And when everybody called me go,

how's waffles? And I'd be like, what do you mean? How is the raccoon of a girl who I work with? How would I know that? That's why you've done me heading because they always ask how waffles the raccoon was like it lived in my house.

Carl, are you pissed? This is all true, by the way. So, borgas, ring you and go, how's waffles? He goes, how's waffles? And I go, I don't know. Did you find out? I don't know.

The girl didn't even, It's years ago in bars. I don't... So when he asked that, what would you say? I go, oh, yeah, I don't know, I'll have to ask. I can't remember a name. I'll have to ask Jenny. And he goes, uh, no, no.

It's a bit slower thing. So is there a chance now that you could message Jenny and ask how Waffles is? Yeah. How long the raccoons live for, though? Oh, yeah, that great question. Let's have a lot. I love to say a raccoon. But they were dead cute.

So one of them could have a glass of, a, a glass of my other drink, I had the class of baileys and spun it and drank it and one of the best things we've ever seen. They're lying. And the dad, they've got a little human hand on them. Yeah, the daddy raccoon had come out and take food off us to take back to the, I imagine, nest. And we give up like chips and whatever.

The second we gave a pizza, he stopped the netter. Didn't take the pizza back. That's how good pizza is. He was like, this is mine, bro. I feel like, you're my sleep paralysis demon. This whole story. No way I can make any of this up. all true.

Go on. What's the, I've, life's one of a rookie. Two to three years in the wild, but 13 to 20

in... Ask Jenny. In a hunky song, in a hunky town. Ask Jenny immediately. Well, he could still be going. Yeah.

I'll have to ask. That's a big gap. Mm. Oh, yeah. Is it because they get hit by cars and stuff? Yeah. You reckon?

I remember that? I'm predators. Yeah. She was a lesbian and she was in the army. So fucking stupid, aren't they? Hang on.

There was a lesbian in the army. Whilst being in the army She was working bars with you and Stey And she was a part-time raccoons And she was a runner And she played rugby You remember her There is a pose in this story

A runner, a rugby player In the army She was a rugby player And looking after the raccoons How many lifetime This is like your This woman That's like your improv game

From the start of this podcast I know she was a running And he can't remember a name She's an absolute one of one You know what I mean No She was an astronaut For a bit

A job was running the restaurant to her job was to run the food to tables, and she was a rugby, she loved rugby as well, I think she played a decent level. Anyway, we're in the weeds massively. She had a raccoon, she looked after the call waffles and really cared, and he'd call me and go, how's waffles?

I go, I haven't got a clue. And I wouldn't say, stop calling me, but my tone would say that, and then he stopped calling me. And then I went into Zeruncum after a day. I think what we need is to do right now, Carl, it's a not a fucking chance. Oh.

What would I say? How's Waffles? Waffles is dead. Yeah, telling Waffles is dead. Ringhamton Waffles is dead. It's five past nine in the morning. It's acceptable. He works in an auto body shop now.

Carl, he might be running late. He might be in traffic. Ring him. Ring him. He's inside the security five minutes ago. No, that's what he got us money from. He retired. And also he is also in a jazz band.

He retired. He's in a jazz band as well. How old is he? I imagine now he's probably like late 50s. He's got that much. money that he's retired. Carl, ring him. I'm not ring, no, please.

Carl, ring him. No. I've only got his, I've only got his Instagram thing. Yeah, yeah, ring him on Instagram thing. Yeah, yeah, ring him on Instagram. No, car. It's five past nine, he'll be live. Carl.

Carl, ring him. I don't know, no. Why? I'm put me for fuck down. I can't, I'm banned from ringing on Instagram I went, I want to say kids were stupid. Just ring him and catch up on him. We'll all be quiet.

Not a chance. Why? Because he's weird, man. Don't be gay? Don't be gay. No, please, no. Please, stop. Think of all the stuff people have done with the love of the game.

No, and there you go, are you taking the piss out of me? He's got guns, mate. Yeah, he needs to watch him. He'd have to have a nuke. No, I don't. I don't, I don't... I don't... No, we won't take a bit...

Just catch up with him. We're going to be quiet. Hello, lad, you're right yet? Why am I calling you? I'm live on the internet. No, no, no. Waffles is dead. That's what you're phone in him.

Yeah. Why would they just catch up with him? And then just let him know Waffles has passed away. In the break. No, come on. No. No, Carl. No, my call. Come on, be a team player.

Please don't make me call him. Please call him. Why? I don't want to call him, please. Why? And I'm going to have to unfollow him because everyone's going to go and find them and message them. Right. We're going to have a break and just settle there.

Oh, Lord. I have a feeling there's going to be quite a lot of bleeps in the section you've just watched. So apologize. Apologies there. So apologize, me? We're not cutting it. We will have to bleep that guy's name. so that you don't all find him.

His name Jeff. Oh, that's funny. Instead of bleep, just put Jeff over there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Your life's changed quite a bit since you were last to him. Yeah, it has, actually.

It has changed. The first time you came in, we were like, is anything you don't want to talk about? And you were like, I don't really want to talk about relationships and stuff. Yeah. Can I cut in there? Yeah. Yeah.

When I said that, the first fucking question you asked me was, so why don't you like talking about your dating life? And on the spot, I was like, uh, because it's boring. But no, it's because I was married. So I was like, I don't want to let me talk about that. So when you ask me again, like, it's anything that you don't want to talk about. I'm just like, you know what? Fuck it.

Everything's on the table because it's going to ask it anyway. So, yeah, it has changed a lot, though. Sorry, my interview style. And Paxman, mate. No one tells me what questions are kind of can answer. Is the marriage thing like a, is that bad for your, like, only fans base? Um, yeah. And no.

Like, it was partly that, but mainly it was because of his job at the time. So he was in the military. So it was like, it was better for him, especially being like in the Marines and whatnot. That it was safer, essentially. Because although we hadn't been like deployed, like, there's just all these like scenarios that you've got to think about. So it was, it was just safe for the relationship overall. But you're not married anymore?

No, I'm getting divorced. Class? I know. How's divorced life? Um, yeah, it's, it's great, I guess. Like, oh my fucking God. I spoke about it on my dog's account so my dog's got the Instagram

which is Sheldon the Retriever. Very popular at the moment that kind of thing. Yeah, it is, yeah. It's like some people try and jump on the bandwagon a little bit with that. Stupid humans. I was talking about getting divorced on there

and I wasn't talking about it on my main page and someone commented and I've been at this like kind of narrative is kind of trying to play out at the moment. but people were saying things like I don't blame him for leaving you like I'd be embarrassed to say that my wife was a whore as well while I was in a

respectable job blah blah blah blah I fucking left him Was it on your dog's Instagram? Was that on your dog's Instagram? Yeah. People were Yeah. And there's a picture of a dog and they're saying that in the comment.

There is a real of my dog and I'm just talking about life and like how fun it's going to be moving. Backhouse of all of that because Sheldon doesn't even know what you do for wear. Sheldon doesn't care. Do you know what I mean? You revealed to my kid that I get my tits out for a living without my consent.

So, yeah. And I get comments like that. And I'm just like, I left him. Like, he didn't leave me because of my fucking job. I've been doing it for eight bloody years. We were together for five. Were you doing it when you met him? Yeah, yeah.

I was doing it for three years before I met him. So it's, yeah, you know, it's, it's, it's, no, that narrative is annoying. It did hurt my feelings a little bit. And then I just thought, oh, you know what? You probably live in your mum's loft. Summer's coming soon. It's going to fucking stink in there. and then I just moved on with my day.

Mum's loft. People normally go basement, don't they? Yeah, but we're in the UK. We don't go basements. There's a lot of basements in the UK though. Yeah. Like, like, my literal brain is like, I can't say basement.

I used to live in a basement flat. It wasn't his mum's. She's in the basement in the summer though. Oh, yeah. Yeah. God. I like that with yourself. We usually first on them ones.

Fuck so. I don't like it. But I do loads of other shit now. What do you do now? Like, I do now? I'd dog foster and like I help the RSPA. You mean you foster dogs? I foster dogs.

Right. Yeah. What did I say? Dog foster. Is that not right? You'd say you were a dog fosterer, but that sounds really weird. Well, it's dog fosterer? Oh, I foster dogs.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, we definitely got the gist of what you're underwriting. But we're getting into the semantics of it. So when you say you foster dogs, they just come to yours for a bit and then you let them go. No, so, well, yeah, actually, I don't know why I said no, because that is what happens. But in like the interim of that. I basically take dogs on.

Are you just staring into space because you're thinking about the fella from the last section? Yeah. Jeff? Yeah. And then I came back. Sorry, go on. It's fine.

I just want to make sure Carl's listening to him as well because he was just staring at the strands of the carpet there as being like, Dog Fosterer. That's what I was up there. Oh, Jeff, Mom. Dog fosterer. I rehabilitate the dog and then I use Sheldon's account to promote them.

They're drug addicts? You are? Yes. Yeah, yeah. So they're in rehab. and then obviously they come over to me I get them off the good stuff, get them on the better stuff How long do you off them for?

It's however long it takes for them to get adopted So I foster them until they get adopted Oh, so like a halfway house Pretty much, it's literally rehab, yeah, 100%. Why if they never get adopted? Well, then I would have to foster them until they get adopted. But which is why I use my platforms,

I use my money to fund it. You know what, I sound like a saint here, but the other day I was in the... I was just thinking of. Yeah, so I always fuck it up. Like, I'm always doing something nice and then I find a way to just be an absolute prick. So I was in the vets the other day picking up my dog's flea and worm her treatment.

And there was this sign on the desk saying, please be quiet around this area. There's a family inside at the moment saying goodbye to their family for the last time. And it's obviously their dogs getting put down. So while they were in there, I said to the receptionist, oh, can I pay towards their final vet bill just to like a good anonymous Samaritan thing. And again, I'm sounding like a really good person here. but I do find a way to just be a cunt.

So they go, how much do you want to pay? I was like, it's 100 fine. And they're like, oh, amazing. Yeah, thank you so much. So before I tap my card, I went, oh, it's not a cat that's getting put down, is it? And they're like, no, it's a dog. And I was like, oh, that's all right then.

Would you have not done it for a car? Yeah. I would have done it, obviously, but I just, it was that, that cunty comment that was in my head that I was like. That's fucking. But if it was a cat getting pulled down, then it's good. You love cats.

Who do you love it? Oh, I love dogs. I'll pay for that one to die. More of a dog person. One of it was like a pony or like a big animal? That would have been mad in pets at home, vets for pets. Pets at home,

the killing pets? Yeah, yeah. Hang on. Yeah, they've got a load of side hustles. They put pets down and pets at home. In vets for pets, yeah. Oh, in like a separate building? No, no, it's in pets at home.

It's at the back? It's at the back of the store. You know to go to pet at home? Yeah, but I thought it was like a little, like, dropping, like walking centre for dogs, I didn't think they... No, they're off them as well. And they killed donkeys as well.

Well, how much is it to get your animal put down? Oh, so I'm not sure, yeah. Because you might not even scratch the size there. So this is... I actually did feel bad about this, because when I said 100, I was thinking, what if the bill's like, 500 quid or something?

That's good. That's still a lot of money. But it was like five grand. They've basically... I've done nothing. Spat in their face. Yeah, pretty much won't even notice. No, yeah.

Five grand? How much is it to put a dog? Five grand? It's not five grand. What are they're in top? Class heroin to see him off. They wouldn't have that, would he? He fucking dirty shelf mates, keep the money.

But I think it's like 200 and something. It's between 100 and 300. That's nice. You basically paid that off the bill, essentially. Yeah, well, I'm an angel. But if it was a cat, on the other hand, the comment would have hurt more, wouldn't it? Did you wait outside and be like,

oh, by the way, I just did that for you. By the way, I donated to a friend doing a run, like a marathon on his thing. Is it Adam? No, but I accepted it anonymously and I was pissed off. It was pissed off. Oh? I went on his page and donated the next amount of money.

and put me name in and then it posted it anonymously and I was pissed off. Oh yeah, yeah. You wanted the kudos? You wanted the valour? I wanted him to know I'd done it, yeah? But I was like, oh, he's never going to know now.

That's true. Especially when it says like top bidder or something and it says anonymous top bidder, it's like, I didn't put that money in for fuck all. Yeah. One of Alex's friends, her cat went missing and then got really hurt

while it was missing and then was in the vets and it was costing them quite a lot of money to get a scene to us. we've known from people around here who have had similar things go on and they put a go fund me up for it was a few hundred quid

I think it was like three or four hundred quid for they needed the rest of it and I checked it and it did have like 30 quid or whatever so I just gave them the rest of it and I did it anonymously because I didn't want that I just wanted them to be sorted and not whatever

and the anonymous thing is only actually the public post so they they still know the person who's go from me Meera still knows who gave them it. Oh. But the public doesn't, Carl.

And you're allowed to be disappointed. As long as the person loves. Yeah, they do. Sure. But no, I didn't. I said to the vet, can you keep it anonymous? And then I left. Did you not wait outside?

Like, oh. Can you keep that anonymous, please? And then you're outside going, woo! I had the receipt of my hand and I was like, help, did it? Did it help? This is something you?

A lot of people do. Is this just you? I've never heard of anyone doing this. Getting to the front of Pet's Home would be like, listen, I'll have that donkey put down and their kibble. I'm not choosing which dog to put down. It was already getting put down.

Right. I wasn't like, Elmchard you charge me to kill their dog. Yeah. That's not it. 100 quid would do. Me, Jamble's foot hurts while Taylor Ryan's in, so.

Yeah. Say goodbye. I'll get hurt to handle. I've done the pay the backwards thing and Marquis drive free once. He pay for Bial. Oh yeah. I like that once.

Just as touching really. But the person's a bit like, what? And then you're like, yeah, I just want to think it's a nice thing to do. He's like, right, okay. Like he wasn't like. It's,

better to do that at like Starbucks. Yeah. Because normally, like, whoever's getting a Starbucks drive-through, like the most they're getting is for the car. So, and it's normally one or two people getting a coffee, maybe, like, occasionally you might have a full car of four people or whatever.

But, like, you're like, I'm getting a coffee, do you know what, I'll pay for theirs, and then they pay for the one behind them. And then, like, it's just a nice chain. Everyone sort of pays the same. They would have anyway, but everyone gets a nice thing, oh, well, I'll do that.

Like, that's what it's for. You got into it then? But at Machis, You do it. And then you pay for the fella behind you. And he's like, oh, me cheeseburgers free? Well, I'll pay with that car. And that's a family would also go on.

And it's like a 60 quid. Yeah, man. Just to let you know, if I'm behind you, you're paying for my tea. And I'm going, that's a weird cunt that's paying for people's teas and that I would drive off. You wouldn't pass it on?

I'm not fucking paying it for. That's not how Starbucks were. Yeah, there's a Starbucks in Chester. No one's paid for their bill for four years. Everyone's just paying it cold. You haven't paid for yours, so why not pass it back? I'd just be like,

Who's this weird cunt in an Audi that's fucking tapping on for me? I'd be like, nice one, free cheeseburger. Starbucks? BMW driver, are you? I am now. What a surprise. Yeah, makes sense. Oh, there you go.

Would you really not pass that on? No, I do it at the vets and the crematorium. I'd be like, hey, hey, you know. Hey, your nana's on me. That's audible. Oh, my God. Well, A, no one's ever done it. But B, I'd probably just be like, yep.

Free lunch. At the Black Lord has part, at your part. Not orders. This is different. You put your card behind the bar and gone, I've got a bit of fucking generosity in you. Yeah, but that is a completely different scenario. At my party with my friends and family.

I'm not without generosity. I think tapping your card for the people behind her is fucking weird. It's a nice gesture, but you can't be angry at the guy for not paying it forward again. You can? Because...

I am. No, because he's not decided to be in your weird fucking game of let's pass the bill down. Oh, yeah. That's not be. a nice person. What a horrible thing to do? He's got his dinner for free. He's got his dinner for free.

He's got an eight-quit dinner and the cunt's behind. It's a full family of five and a fucking jeep. That's what Adam's saying. Do it at Starbucks? Would you do it at Starbucks? No. Why? Because fuck off. I pay for my food. And coffee. And we've done. Oh, you fucking bored. You wouldn't pass it on. No. It's weird. So have you got there

and the girl went, oh, the guy in front's pay for it. It's not lovely. It's fucking Welsh people, man. Yes. Welsh, man. No, you're needed enough. The osmosis over the borders. I'm close enough to be like, this is my money. I'm not paidy-waiting. Tapy-wappy.

Would you not go, hey, the person, the person, fun, just paid for yours? You wouldn't go, oh, do you know what? I'll do the one, that's late. I'll be like, oh, that was very nice of them. And then I go. I'm flabbergasted.

Flabbergasted. And I do not use that word lightly. She doesn't flabber to gas off. But you're part of the game. The way that I've just gassed my gusp is unbelievable. You flabber? Yeah, I'm flabbard. I can't believe this.

Because it's good karma, isn't it? Like, if you're, you, if you help people, good things come back to you. They don't want to help in. They just want to get the lunch. No, no one's accepted. Did you ask? No, I'll get out of the car.

Excuse me, just going to go down. Hello, you're all right? You want me to pay me lunch? No, right. Oh, fuck off them. No, they didn't want help him, but they're, if you don't say, give us a call. I'll be a pet at home.

Yeah, but it's different from if someone's asking you for help, but then you can make a decision on that. But this one is a weird game where I wasn't ready to play this fucking help game. But the whole point. of doing it somewhere like a Starbucks is that you essentially pay the same as you would have anyway.

Maybe it's a couple of quid in either direction. Like, you either benefit a little bit or lose a little bit. But the idea is that everybody when they get to the window, gets to the nice heart. What's the fucking point? It's going to stop.

For that? But everyone's just paying anyway. But it's good for the heart. You get to the window and whereas normally like, yeah, me fucking coffee, nice one, fuck you. You get, ah, I do that as well, who.

So why not? I'll be like, oh, I've got a free coffee. No, why not have the nice feeling? And then pass on the nice feeling and pay the same. It's free joy. I don't get this fucking euphoria that goes on. What do you mean? I go, yeah, come on.

No, no, you don't do that. You don't go, yeah! You go, oh, nice that. What a lovely thing to do? So whatever homeless person has some money? If a homeless person has some money, that's different. What if he's gone, I want to pass it on to someone else? Would you give it to him?

Yeah, homeless people are always doing that. Hey, then there's 20 quid, because I've got to make that I'm going to give 20 quits to, but don't worry. It'll give it $20. Someone's going to get heroin eventually. I've been hoodwink by many homeless people. Oh. Because they go, they go, can you give me money?

And I never have change on me. So I'm going, no, but I'll get you something from the shop. What would you want? They'll be like, I'll come in with you. Oh, that's never happened to me. This has happened multiple times with me. There's a homeless guy. You've gone, trying to go.

He's gone, I've gone, make time. He's done the big shop. Have you got a pal-lab? No, there was his time. So I was on a date, so I was kind of showing off. and the homeless fellow went Can I have some change? I haven't got anything but

Do you want anything from the shop? He was like, yeah, yeah, I'll come in. So he got like a ribina or something and then went to the till and he went Yeah, and 15 gram of Ambelief as well please. I was like, what the fuck? And you said to him, that's fine as long as next time you take someone in for Ambelief

Pay it forward. There's a girl who sits outside the shop by ours and I was go, do you want something, and she goes like me, look at me look at him. Do you day? She went, will you get me a pack of the siggies? And I said no. And she was like, all right, I'll slap a luke out there.

Do you know why I say yes to that? Because, like, they're already like, fucking homeless. I hate siggies. I'll get you a bottle of ale if you want. It's not for you. Do you know what? It's not for you.

You're a con. Will asked me to go to the ads. The ones to buy siggies. And I went, can I have them? They're not for me. They're fucking all a bunch. Like, yeah. I ate contributing to the fucking world of siggies.

I don't know. I buy you anything. I buy you the same amount of money's worth of vodka or fucking. Yeah, you can't have a house. But guess what? You also can't have a house. A cigarette.

Better than Siggies? It isn't. It's nowhere near us. I just hate Siggies. I think these things shit. You never got to smoke it with him. Just get him full. Give him some joy.

I did. You did? It's a lady. Get me some siggy. I get in loads of shit. I get in loads. She always wants big bars of Galaxy as well. I always box her ride off.

I'm worried about her teeth. Galaxy's a good one. She's got bigger bodies. Yeah, that's true. That's actually for her. At the time she goes to the dentist, maybe you can put, anyway. So you've been dating.

Yeah. I think. we should maybe do some hicks. You haven't been dating, though, have you? Not really. You've got a fella. Yeah. Well, for the purpose of the segue,

you've been dating. Do you remember the dates you went on with your fella? Well, in dating, you can develop some icks. Are you just publicly out? Okay. By the time that this episode comes out, yes, we will be. Oh, wow. And he's older as well.

So, this isn't an ick, but like... You are? You got like a press release? A press release? No, I don't know. I don't know how it's good. I don't know how it's happening. I don't know what's happening.

It's on Saturday, so. Yeah, I don't know what's happening. It's, it would be before the release. But it's, the, it isn't it? It is. Can you say that? Bleep that name out. Oh my God.

Do you know how many people put two and two together when you fucking outed us on your birthday post? Fuck you! You! to my birthday with Giant from Gladiator. And they're like, oh, Giant from Gladiators in all your birthday pictures. Yeah, he is.

Because he was happening. Do you know how many people replied to my story who didn't say, happy birthday? And they were all like, yeah, yeah. Is that Giant from Gladiator at your birthday? Wise either? Also, he's giant. He's in most photos anyway.

Hey, I've seen some confused looks when we all walk into a place, but the added visual confusion of people going, oh, fuck, it's the habit word boys, and a gladiator. was joyous. Just to really mess up your lunch at Casarital, you're like, I don't know, what's happening here?

Yeah, yeah, that was funny. That was funny. But the ick isn't that he's older. It's that whenever I quote something, I have to then explain the meme that I've quoted because he has no fucking clue what I'm quoting. So like, I'll say something like, look at all them chickens.

He'll go, yeah, chickens. What's that? What's that? I really wanted to know. know that meme. And I don't know the meme. I've got a game. I know that you've got a game as well

and you want to do your ick thing or whatever, but just for the sake of Dan... Second week in a row. Did it enjoy that. Just for the sake of Dan, not understanding that. We've started... Well, we've, like,

recorded a couple of episodes of a podcast that we want to release, but we haven't got a name or anything yet. It's not serious yet, but the concept's there. And one of the... Little and large. Well, that's stupid.

Yeah, for a lot. Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm not. I'll be able to be able to... Gladdy Taylor? I was thinking you guys could do a special and called it Laddators or something

or like Lidiators or we can workshop it anyway. We're doing patron special suggestions. By the way, cracking. I'm in. Thank you. The segment's called

Are You Too Old for the Internet? Nice. Because he doesn't understand anything that I say. So one of the examples of this is Dan, if I was to say to you this is going to be class by the way.

This one's easy. This one is easy. it's go touch some grass just the just means sit down sit down on the grass it basically means go outside

get off the internet and live your life yeah like if someone's giving you a hate comment it'd be like oh my god go touch some grass just be a normal person don't be so chronically online right I didn't get that one

I thought it might be when you're doing squats and you've got to get down lower as to grass that yeah go on so do you see what I'm the point it's a great game keep going okay I'm 0 for 1

this is going to be hard work I don't even know whether you guys are going to get this one. I've only just learned it recently because of my younger siblings so it's fine if you don't know it. But it's if like a guy says... We need a jingle for this. What's that internet mean?

Do do do do do do. It's that meme. Or are you too old for the internet? Oh yeah. You already had the title. I didn't need to give you one. Yeah, yeah. So if you take the second...

Are you too old for the internet? There you go. Only Dan can be in this section then. Okay. Go on. Right. You're going on a two man. And the sentence would be,

me and my mate went on a two man. Gang bang. Right? That's what I would think it was. What do you think it is? It's okay if you guys don't know this. Oh, like a mandate? No.

A double date. Yeah. Fuck you. You guessed. You know it. Mate, I'm allowed. I have to be able to get a point for guessing right. That's true.

Come on, bro. You guys didn't got it wrong. You guys didn't know it. I didn't know it. Did you? Okay. No. He's such a fucking idiot.

Fucking out. Why do you cry on the phone to uncle Jeff? I will, ladies. If I says, oh, it's giving. It could be anything, couldn't it? Right. Okay. So you're in the age bracket to know this.

He is not. Are you too old for the internet? You are not. Okay? No offense. So it's when you, it's when you see something and they're like dressed in a,

certain style and you say, oh, it's giving like 1930s or something. It's giving, yeah? Yes. Well, if they've gone for like a doop, do, I don't know. Like how does call us today giving Ronald McDonald? That is giving, oh my God, it's giving a pretty common one is like, it's giving cunt. I don't really know what that means. Oh, it's like, oh, it's giving cunt. It's like you're serving. It's like you're dressed so well, like you look so good. Like, no one can touch you. Like, oh, that's, that's giving cunt. That's quite sexy, yeah? Oh, it's not a. bad thing.

No, giving cun is great. Dan today you're giving cunt. Is it come from drag? Does that come from drag? I actually, I'm not sure of the origin. What if I say to Dan today,

I'm getting cunt? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Well, if I say I'm getting pussy, we'll take this off. We'll take this off.

We'll sort this out on Instagram live. It's like when you wouldn't ring Jeff earlier, it was giving pussy. Okay, I get you. Yeah, yeah, I know what that means. Yeah. But I don't know,

given cunt was like, wow, you look great. I'm going to try all these on and it'll end really badly. Yeah, probably. That's giving cunt. I will leave. But yeah, so being with an older guy is...

Hang on. How old is he? He's not 68. How old is he? No, it's only 40. Fucking hell. Wait, how old are you, Dan? At least 72.

I've met. Have you not got any other ones? I thought this was going to be, like finish the meme. I thought that's where that was going. Oh, no. I just wanted to give you examples of the, of the segment. I thought we were going to move on to Dan's egg thing. No, Ben, your segment for us, please. I'd have

to find more. I don't, I don't have them on my notes right this second. You got any more X? Oh, yeah. Yeah. This morning, Adam messaged me, bearing in mind, I had to come in at one. It was like 10.30 or something. And a lot of the time, people have to prep for podcasts and their answers and all the rest of it.

And I get this message at voice note. And it's, I know it's late notice and I'm like, thank you for point out the obvious because if I didn't have given you this a week ago you'd have been working all week wouldn't you wouldn't have waited until today yes, yeah, yeah, thank you.

The autism in ADHD wouldn't have pushed it to today. No, that's... You'd have been working away all day, every day. Thank you. Thank you for acknowledging me. So I get this message

and it's, oh, we're doing like an ick segment could you come up with someone I know, sure knows, blah, blah, blah, blah. And my fucking eyes lit up because this is my special interest. icks that men do oh okay let me just get oh because you deal with a lot of men

buckle the fuck in okay buckle in everybody you're bocled in thin buckle the fuck in nice bucket fucking running while holding the straps of the backpack yeah that's unbelievable

but one's all right in it no one strapin's not all right anyway no oh yeah for sure no how would you want someone to just wear a bag. If I could choose, I would say don't. You've got pockets. Men always have pockets in their trousers.

A laptop pocket. A laptop. What my ass? Why are you running with a laptop, number one? For the bus? Oh, that's an ick in itself. Running for the bus. Okay, there's a, I don't know,

there's a terror attack. Well, you know what? Running for your life isn't... Well, actually, if you get shot, that's an ick. You're running from a terror attack, ad you get got. This is women, by the way.

Oh, men getting shot. There was one on Twitter. Is he saying that's a men using the club card? Oh, my God. So I use a picture of the QR code and it feels less icky. I think if you... Oh, if you go on your Apple Payne,

it's like, sorry, it's just loading two seconds. No, no, no. Mine's broke, so I screened to the QR code. So it's just in my photos. Using the club card, isn't it? Yeah. But the savings.

Yeah? Oh, that's... Waste your money, boys. Lovely whole chicken. Do I want to pay six quid or 42? Ah, well, there's one more looking at me, 402, please. Tessco aren't fucking around with them club cards.

Hey, that's not one of my ex. I think a club card is good. Maybe that's just test. What about if you've got it on a key ring? Oh, that's made me feel, I don't know, I don't know what. That's made my chest feel a bit tight. That might be an exception. You can use it, but you've got to use the app.

You can't be like, oh, no, don't worry. You can have a club card, but if it's just dangling off of your keys. What about a tote bag? Um, it depends what's on the tote bag, I guess. If it's like, I can't think of an example, that would be except. No, you can't. can't do that. No, that's for girls and girls only. Cute dog's office for girls. How very fucking 1915 of this woman?

A wolf then, on fire. It's given 1915. A wolf on fire? I don't know what manly is these days. What about a tiger and a lion and they're trying to eat a gazelle goose? I see the vision. I see the vision. Yeah, I'm unsure because I haven't experienced that yet. Toat bags, I'm unsure of. I'm going to put that in the maybe ick. So it's just bags for men. No bags for men. Well, just don't run. Just carry all your stuff.

That's what I'm saying. I said when it's just carried, there's a backpack, then fine. Yeah, sure. You don't mean that. If I had the option, I would say no bags. And you went, you were like, what about your laptop?

Yeah. Oh, you have two hands. Carry it. Are you insane? Who carries a laptop with two hands? You can have like a bottle of something and one, maybe a beer, Marley beer.

I'd just put it under your own. I'm like, a bottle of beer in your left hand, laptop and charging. And don't you dare run. Can you use the boot of your car? Is that right? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. That's actually kind of hot. Oh, no, right. It's only hot if when you go to open the boot, you haven't got to manually like,

like, it's just got to be like a button. And then like, when you, like, press it down, it's just like, I've got a swing. Have you seen many swing their legs on there?

I don't know. I've got that. They've got one. Does that work? Oh, when you go like, does that work? Imagine, though, if you go to do it,

because you've got to do a little, like, like a little kick and then you've got to go again. I do like nonchalot me, am I? Do you what? So I've got a boot that opens like a door. Yeah.

Oh, that's... If my hands are full. That's cool. That's cool. Yeah. I's giving track. Here is this? That's... No, that makes sense.

You didn't know that was a thing. But yeah. Boots are fine. Can you have a Stanley Cup as a man? It does feel for the girls and the girls only. You can have a Yeti. I've got a Doctor Pepper.

Yeah, the Yette's the male version. Yeah, you can have a Yetty. It's the same cup. It's just a different brand. Can you have a water bottle that says like, oh, you're doing good. Halfway there. Nearly done.

No. Yeah. That was a leading question. Yeah. That felt like, yeah, not a good question. Any more X you brought with you? Yes, I do.

Slum. Okay. I'll get up eventually. So there's a two part of here. Okay. And you're going to think it's unfair. Of course we are. It's an air.

It's always unfair. We're wearing shoes indoors. Oh, don't have an head. Right? Elbows. It's true. When they only have an automatic license. Oh, yeah, that's for anyone, though.

I agree, that's pathetic. But there is a two-part of here. Not if you're Harry. When guys are in driving lessons. On a driving lesson. Like a grown man on a driving lesson. Yay. No, I get it.

So, like, how are you supposed to get a license? But then also it's an ick that you're in lessons. What, even if you're 17? Surely not. But I'm not interested in 17-year-old. So I am thinking about, like, like, when you were 17? Yeah, I'm not thinking about that.

Unless I'm masculating, then if I drive past the manless drive, unless you look like, you're like, oh, come on, mate, you could have done this. I can do it, but like, I'm not allowed yet. I mean, you're soon. No, I think that one's valid. The automatic, they're both valid.

Thank you. I'll give you them. Under 25. Yeah, I'd say under 25. Like, no, I'd say under 21. It's fine. But, like, if you're 21 and over, like, number one.

If you're in the overs category on X Factor, you should be able to drive. Okay, yeah, let's do that, which is 25. So they're not allowed to learn to drive. They've just got to... No, you've missed your chance. Just fucking figuring it out, man. You should just instinctively know,

by the way, I was in this category. I didn't learn to drive until I was late. I think we were 24, 25. No. So I was 17 when I learned out to drive. So I think this is why I have this opinion. Because I'm just like, how can I do it? You know, women drive or all that sort of stuff.

I'm 25, 26, yeah? Oh, really? That's fine. I don't know you then, so. That's good. Any more? Yes. You don't like men.

Oh, what? You don't like men and what we do, do you? No, no, I love men. I love men. I just don't like men that run with backpacks and hold the straps. I don't like men that have automatic licenses or learn to drive.

I don't like men that get attacked by seagulls while they're trying to eat. That's an ick. It's so late. It's totally valid. If you lose even a chip to a bear,

end. You've just lost all pussy power. What if you catch a seagull mid-air or punch one unconscious? Yeah. Do you win back a little bit of credibility? You can't drop your food though. No, you can't drop your food.

You can't lose any sustenance to the attacker. You have to just grab it. A, fuck off. Yeah. And then straight back to your scram. Or a point that would be relifted, definitely. But it does have to be a grab. Like, if you punched it, I'd be like, abuse.

No. If you warned it with a grab and like a, that's not happen. That is not happening, by the way. My chips. What is this? And then you put him in his face. I'm holding the seagull. The neck.

Sorry, I know in my line of work. That is not happening. It's not confusing. Size of the cock on that seagull. It's confusing. This week's thumbnail. But yeah, put Chip to the face. But he lives at the seaside, man.

That's a regular thing. Famous they're writing in my songs. No, I've been attacked one time by a seagull. It wasn't even that long ago. I think it was like a year and a half ago. I got tag teamed by a seagull. Tag teamed. Yeah.

Two men. One hit me. One hit me to distract me and the other one Nick my sausage roll. Clever girl. I was in the middle of the town centre. I just tried not to break stride. I'm just like, no one saw it.

It's fine. Keep going. Yeah. Do you know, one of my favourite things, because there's a lot of seagulls in the pill one, right? There is. And if I'm walking in Leffield one, I reckon over the past year,

I reckon I've seen between five and eight people be losing. lose food to a seagull. And one of my favorite things in the world is watching someone try and style out losing food to a seagull. And I've seen an old woman, like I say an old woman, she's probably like a couple of years older than you.

I reckon she was like 50, right? Which is a couple years old than you. And she lost their pasty to a seagull. And she just, she locked eyes at me. And she was like, oh, do you see that? Didn't even see a couple of years. Watching people trying to style out such an obvious, pathetic loss.

You can't shout at the Siegel. No. You can't catch it either. No, the Siegel wins. Can you go back into good eggs and tell them. When you drop your ice cream with the ice cream van and you're like, oh, I can have another one. Yeah, but she hasn't got the receipt

because someone had paid for her to pasta. So the Nana before her had paid for a pasty. And that is why it's a problem paying for other people's stuff. Is there a drive-through Gregs? It'd be great, actually. There is a drive-through Gregs. Is there? Yeah.

They must be. There is. There's a couple of them. Phenomenal. You can't pass. Edge Lane's got one, I think. That's it? I think so. There you go. Do you want some icks from the listeners?

Can I just do my last one? Yeah, of course. Okay. It's guys that get pictures with Wayne Linnaker. Anybody who gets men that get pictures with Wayne Linnaker? Oh, and females. And women and females. Anybody?

Yeah, just people that get pictures with Wayne Linnika. That's an ick. It's perfect. Girls can be icky too. Like, you can change actually all of my, like, list to just like, gender neutral. That's like just a problem all around. Women on a driving lesson.

Yeah. And also women running with backpacks and holding straps. I think women driving lessons is fine. Okay. And because it's quite a vulnerable thing to do. Driving lesson, isn't it? Sure. And men don't want to look vulnerable?

But as a woman, you know, that's okay. I think women should permanently have to do driving lessons. I know. I've waited for that to come. I was waiting for that. Just keep them in school, man. But yeah, anyone getting a picture of being, linn, like, irk.

That's such an ick. Yeah, go on, listeners. Someone says, Eyelids, got a nick for you. I was walking through Chester and saw two fully grown men sat in the window of Clare's getting their ears pierced actually made me want to cry

so needed to share. If you are a fully grown man, you want your ears pierced, that's already a problem for me. Yeah. But you've got to go to like a piercing place. You've got to go to like a blue banana. A tattoo place.

You can't be going to Claire's accessories with your best mate in your 30s. Would they allow that? Yeah. I thought that it'd just be like children only in there or like... No. I mean Clares?

Yeah? No, it's a business, isn't it? And might even go? Yeah, men can go into Clays. Is there like a... We found our fourth and impractical jokers. Did you get a Prince Albert? Maybe not.

Not in the window. We found our fourth in practical jokes. I get to Prince Albert in Clays. In the window? How much is that Albert in the window? But I have to take my best mates. Get ready, Harry and Finn. All right, Lidt.

On the topic of Ix, I once dated a girl from my work a few times, super hot and a very decent shag. had only ever seen her in her smart work gear or dressed up for a date. We decided to go out one Saturday afternoon and she turned up in the worst pair of Adidas trainers I've ever seen.

We're talking 1899 from Sports Direct Bad. Never saw her again. Maybe not that shoe necessarily, but like a really bad shoe is fair. High tech silver shard always meet. Yeah, that's not ideal. There is certain shoes and items are closing where you're just like, that's just a line for me.

That's it for me. Yeah. Last one, Darcy says, Ike, my ex used to carry cigarettes around with him purely for photo opportunities. He'd never smoked, but he would just have one

unlit in his mouth so that it looked good on Instagram. He could have gave that to a homeless person. Bad gimp. Think about that one, Carl. This shouldn't be allowed! What a gimp? Do you not,

if you're gonna buy soap, so, so, so, so, if you don't like, he'd easily smoke them. Do you not, do you not still think smoking does look cool on the right people?

Yeah. Yeah. It is still, well cool in it. It's very few people. Like rock stars and like... They have to already be cool. Yeah, it doesn't make you cool.

Yeah. It doesn't make glitter on shit. Cool people smoking. Yeah. Adds to their cool. Yeah. But like it doesn't make someone uncool cool. An accentuated.

Like Alex Ternet smoking, yeah, but like a Matt Lettissier with a sickie doesn't go, wow. No, that's a perfect example. And it could be someone going like, oh, can I have twos? What does that mean? Like, can I have the end of the cigarette? Yeah.

I've never even. smoked and I know that. Too's. I know things. Never even tried a sick. No. Never had a cigarette. I don't like the smell.

Exactly. That'll do it. It's horrible. Yeah, but I'd still buy it for a homeless person because it's not for me. So we're not the same still. No, you're better than me. But, you know, that person is now a bit more sick because of you. At least they're still alive.

She's ending lives with that credit card. Yeah, baby. Oh, yeah. Yeah, this only fan's money is getting spent. Where can we find you online? Yeah, Taylor. Where can we find you on Instagram? You can find me at Life of Taylor.

Or you can find me at Sheldon the Retriever. Or... I'll be plugging your dog's Instagram, Mom. That's pretty much it. Oh, sorry. Oh, Remy's competition now. No. That's not a competition.

Certainly not a close one. Thanks for coming in, Taylor. Have you not got like a link tree for the other stuff? Or is it all found there? Yeah, it's all in my highlights. Like, if you've got a brain sale, you'll be able to find my other, my other shit. Thanks for the plug.

Appreciate that, mate. I'm going on tour Adam row.co.com. This Saturday, the day this episode has gone out, extra dates added at the Liverpool Empire, extra date added in London at the O2 Kentish Town Forum and all other dates still on sale,

Manchester, Newcastle, Glasgow, Cardiff, other ones. Just go and have a look. I'm coming near where you live. I'm coming nearer to where you live than where I live. That's a tour. That'd be an amazing tour

if you did 40 days just where you live and went, just fucking get a train. It's the fucking dream. I'm doing Dan and Friends from August to February. We've got loads of dates on sales. St. Helens is about to go live with the ticket link. There's big shows in Cardiff, Birmingham, Leeds.

I'm doing Dublin and Belfast in a weekend in August. And then we all end it with the... We all end it. Glasgow right at the end of the tour. And then me, Finn, Harry and Ishan are doing a karaoke night on the Saturday. Dan Nightingale.com for all of those tickets. Go on, Finn. We've got a

collective this week. It's not a band, it's like a collective of DJs and stuff called Constella, and this is their tune, The Chants. That sounds good. Thanks, Taylor.

Bye, Phoebeuvre. Bye, Alicia.