Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #380 with Mike Bubbins - Have A Word w/Adam, Dan & Carl

Episode Date: May 9, 2026

Tickets, merch and loads more available on our website! https://haveawordpod.comHAW x Stars In Their Eyes Tickets: https://www.skiddle.com/e/42247092Tickets for Have A Word Live shows as well as Adam and Dan's tours and previews:Adam's Tickets: https://www.adamrowe.comDan's Tickets: https://dannightingale.comCarl's Stream || https://twitch.tv/senseicarl_Finn's Music & Tickets: https://finnlayk.co.ukFilm Club Tickets: https://plazacinemaliverpool.savoysystems.co.uk/PlazaCinemaLiverpool.dll/TSelectItems.waSelectItemsPrompt.TcsWebMenuItem_976.TcsWebTab_977.TcsPerformance_23863058.TcsSection_1791Finnlay K - Beautiful Morning: https://finnlayk.lnk.to/BeautfiulMorningAs Adam and Dan said, don't miss out on all of our extra content, we've got one of the best value Patreons in the game. An extra 90+ minute episode every week plus loads of bonus content such as the now infamous Lockdown Lock-ins, the Nashville & Amsterdam specials and our Ghost Hunts! What are you waiting for? Sign up now at https://patreon.com/haveawordpod​Get subscribed to Have A Word Highlights: https://youtube.com/haveawordhighlightsListen to Finn's new EP: https://finnlayk.lnk.to/AllInYourMindThanks to this week's sponsors:Heights | https://heights.com/haveawordEnter code HAVEAWORD20 at checkout for 20% off your first month!Manscaped | https://manscaped.com20% off with promo code: WORD20NordVPN | https://nordvpn.com/haveawordEXCLUSIVE NordVPN Deal ➼ https://nordvpn.com/haveaword Try it risk-free now with a 30-day money-back guaranteeLovehoney | https://lovehoney.co/word_podcastLove how you love and take 20% off sitewide to unlock sexual happiness and discover a happier you with promo code: AFF-WORD20Saily | https://saily.com/haveawordDownload SAILY in your app store and use our code HAVEAWORD at checkout to get an exclusive 15% off your first purchase or go to https://saily.com/haveaword 🌍ADAM ROWE and DAN NIGHTINGALE are two award winning comedians from Liverpool & Preston, respectively. They are two of the UK's most highly regarded stand-ups and have both performed all over the world. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello everyone. Welcome to this episode of the Have a Word podcast before we get going. A couple of things to tell you. Massive show, Patreon special, live event, 31st of May at content. We are doing stars in their eyes, which is, it's an old game show from years ago where you get people who go, hey, listen today I'm going to be. Rihanna. Rihanna. And they would go back, look like Rihanna, come out, sing like Rihanna, hope you do it well and they'd win. But we're doing it. an iconic TV show. It's going to be an iconic Patreon special. All of the lads you see on camera have a word are going to be doing a song. I have seen some of the artists

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Sandro Ford is coming up. A recent Hall of Fame entry guest and co-host, Sandro Ford will be performing as well two or three more to announce Yes, tickets are in the bio below Not many tickets left, this is Sun Lake Hotcakes as you imagine we'll never do this ever again So go get your tickets

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This episode is brought to you by NordVPN The very best in protecting your online activity Go, Ed, get on me Hello I'm wearing my face pair of sandals Oh, I'm so glad you brought it up up. What, two seconds? No, because I was like,

am I going to be the dick? He said the yesterday? What? He told us yesterday. No, but you haven't seen it. Oh, Jesus Christ. They are beautiful. I had them.

I had them in school. Gandhi would have worn them? No, Dan said Jesus Christ. No, they're not Jesus. Like, they're not open toe. They're absolutely beautiful. Oh, is Jesus not open toe, was it? I mean, they're nearly open toe.

Yeah, but they're not open toe? No, but there's toe visible. There's so much foot. If you're trying, you're absolute hardest. Then me toes are visible, yeah? but try my absolute hardest I'm letting me I'm letting me feet breathe man it's a springtime

suffocate them kill your feet I drown your feet I love them are you so much yeah are you sure though I'm fine and me style man I know but do you want to maybe lose I'm a mix of uh

lesbian Italian tailoring and Americana heritage and blow my head off by fucking show green party voting blow my Lesbian. Americana. My granddad had them.

My granddad was American. My granddad was American. He used to say, I tell you what, I am very Americana. They're the Italian British son-l. Yeah. You're fucking idiot. Oh, yeah. Let him breathe.

Kill them. I actually think they're fine. Like, I've got no issue with them. What you said afterwards, I want a big issue with... What? My style is... What was it?

Italian tailoring. There's no big words so far, by the way. And Americana heritage wear. Romanian gypsy. What's the heritage of Americana? What? Shut up. Shut up.

No. What? Slavery. Slavery and like genocide. That's their history, isn't it? Slavery is Americana. Their history is not very long, is it, famously? And the start of it was bad tink.

And now it's bad tink. Do you remember when 12 years of slave come out in Sainsbury's, don't know, like, get the slave look mannequin. What? Like, they, they had the 12 years of slave DVD next to a mannequin of a, and it was dressed from stuff in their, like, clothing bear. Like, turn their laptop round show down. He's not lying.

He's right. He ain't lying. He did. He is right. He ain't a slave look. Chorda, Kamala. Get the slave look. Do you remember the ranching?

Tennessee where they were showing us around. And then they were like, oh. So funny. And these are a slave quarters, but we prefer you don't show that on your film. You know, all right, yeah,

yeah, we'll just ignore that. Why don't you just knock them down? They were like, wow, is there a bit over there? And I was like, all right,

you're not proud of it, but like, come drink some moonshine. Don't look at the sad place. Yeah. There's like a shack was. We let them go. Come on,

you know. Yeah, that was weird. That was. Got a bit airy. Dark. Yeah. Funny that they didn't want us to show it as well. So anyway, Americana, Italiano, coffee, whatever you are.

Is that a TikTok thing? Is this... It's all a TikTok thing. No. It's an Instagram thing. Pinterest. TikTok? It's a lifestyle thing, ma'am.

I'm just, you know, discovering who I am. And I'm okay with it. Dad, he's always been Americano Italian. He just didn't know. When he was in W, when he was a kid, he was like, I'm Americanano, Italian. I remember his first gig as a 18, 19. When he was selling discos and school on DVDs,

like, hey, I'm Americano Italiano, man. I put some fucking school shoes on. No, I'm letting him breathe. I find my style. Have a fucking crunchy, leave me be. There was no profit margin on countries. You're selling countries? Who are you?

Bondi. Bundy? Bondi. Yeah, that's when he put weight on. What were you going to ask, Finn? Do you look back at the start of you discovering your fashion journey? Oh, don't humour it like this. I want to sting in this tale, mate.

There is. Do you look back at, say, the red cardigan and think that was a misstep? Or do you still back it? I definitely think I've made a couple of missteps and I will continue to do so. Because, you know, that is the journey of finding your style is getting it wrong. That's life, man.

You're libel. But I fully stand behind the red cardigan. No, you don't. You don't. You don't own it. I do. You don't. Have you worn it since?

I bet you don't own it. Have you worn it? Will you wear it on the next episode? To show you a picture of it then. That means you owns it. I am going to. Alex, take a picture of my cardigan cupboard. It'll be towards the left with the burnt oranges.

Babe. Would you do your favour and go up into the attic? Please ignore all of the mess. And in my cardigan cupboard, there is my red cardigan. everyone at the studio thinks that I've got rid of it they think I see that cardiganism mistake and I don't and I've kept it and I want you to just go up and take a picture of it

and show me that it's still there so I can show everyone Hey Alex it's Dan Nightingale So sorry for ruining your fucking morning If there's any open-toes sandals could you burn them with fire? All right, thank you. Goodbye. Yeah, now I've still got it. I did a bit of

cleared out last week. I did, I did look at the red cardigan and think, do you know what? I got a bit of shit for that. Maybe it should go. And then I restyled it with some more modern pieces. Oh, my God. Did you put your glasses on with them?

It was the glasses. It was the glasses. It was the glasses combination that didn't, you know. Yeah, it was the combination. The cardigan's class. Just a pop of colour, man. You should all try it. Harry's doing it.

Look at you. Blach, black. Obviously, to be fair, I did try it on Adam Day, it was freeing. What was? It wasn't a cardigan though, was it? It was the same. He copied it, yeah.

Yeah. Thought wear red me, mate. Yeah, bright red. Buffy, man. I mean, that's me. Oh, is it? Because of the football rivalry. I'm not wearing gang colors.

You got a red cap on now? It's not. Maroon. It's Maroon. It's Mopo Foffy. You know what? Oh, it's mad. Like, I, I

accidentally don't wear red. Am I colorblind? What? That is, is that not a bit brown? No, it's in the reddy brown, it's like, Burgundy. It's like, it's red. It's red.

It's red. It's maroon. It's not red. It's maroon. That's bright. Maroon. I think my grandad said like, he'd never have a red car. I was like, oh, it's on. Well, last.

But I wouldn't. Is it, is this your kind of that played for Aston Villa? He did. What? What? What? John crew? Just buckle up for this

because this, I think I was cleaning off the whiteboard or were we cleaning out a corner of the studio. Just like, yeah, yeah, when my granddad played for Aston Villa, I went, what? And I've just sat on it because I wanted to do this here. Carl's granddad played for Aston Villa. So when he was, my granddad was at Man City and then World War II happened.

How old was he? What? Back then? Yeah? I couldn't tell you. he's a hundred nine now yeah he was he was at man city

and then World War II happened so he just became a plasterer that's what happens it happened to Phil Fovin that's what he's shit late 50s didn't go to fight the war he was like I'm not fighting this fucking war

if I can't play football he was like someone's gonna have to replaster the stuff that the Germans bomb so he did the chipies and that conscientious plastered but once again Carl's granddad played for Aston Villa no late 50s early 60s

he was a professional footballer wasn't a big thing back then it was semi-pro and then you had the trade as well because you didn't end enough from football he was on Villa's books but then he was a massive alcoholic in his early 20s like he used to leave football and go with the pub like that was as fucking

I imagine that was a big thing back then anyway ended up at Prescott Cables which is a lower league team in the Northwest and then retired at like 25 literally due to alcoholism and then the doctor said if you drink another drop of alcohol when he was like 28, he said

you'll just die. And he stopped drinking all together. He hasn't died of alcohol in 60 years. I feel like that, you know, saying, oh, they're all boosers. I feel like they were until Arsend Venger turned up. In my head, even in the early 90s, they're all drinking.

Yeah. And then they were crackheads. And then they were crackheads. He brought French cracked. And then Burkamp came over and he was like, God, he's on the crack pipe. But he's like, that's the techers, isn't it? But that's called on the flying Dutchman.

He was always high. But then he had to, he stopped football and went into, like, Joe Cameladers, like Stanlow, like building boats and like fucking, he would rather, basically back then,

you just worked with your hands, didn't you? So he went into like a change. Yeah, Tom Finney was one of the best footballers in the world, and he was a plumber. Yeah. That's mad.

Yeah. Fiorentina tried to buy him, apparently, in an off season. And they were offering him, like, 10 times the wages that he was getting at North End. So Tom Finney went into See the chairman was like

The Fiorentina want to buy me And he was like Do they? Well they can fuck off Because you play for Preston And he just They had no control over where they went Yeah yeah

And that's because Preston knew they would lose Their in-house plumbing as well Yeah They were like Who's gonna You know Face the bogs

This world-class footballer Surprise Venice Went after them So it's all that fucking leakage out You know what I mean Nice Benetia Nice

I went swimming with his grandson I won't his grandson It was last week They asked me to leave But I'd paid entry Is he a Finney He had a say-name I think so yeah

That's sick That's a cool saying to have it by you At Preston Baths Like the old fucking Victorian baths That aren't there anymore Like the we had them at our school as well Like fucking horrible Late 19th century swimming pool

that was just fucking grim. It feels like swimming bats are like a dead thing. If you said let's go for a swimer. Like there's the odd like sort of spa and sport centre, but like there used to be what? Heat waves. Peter Lloyd. Peter, like there was like places to go that were like the bats,

like real sunscenters, that's the lair. The new one now in a sequel, yeah. Yeah. Two. Like that used to be like such a, I don't air of people being like, oh, I'm taking the kids, the swim bats. They still do.

Yeah, there is. We used to do Mick of David. I'm going to go swimming and you go Peter Lloyd and stand in the pool. Is this more about where you are in life rather than the availability of swim must. Yeah, we're going swimming. Probably not.

We go to a spa. We've been loads. Yeah, yeah, spa, yeah. If you were like, I'm telling you right now, if heat waves were still late, I've been there once a week. What's heat waves? It's similar to sun, sun, sun.

Waves in the big pool. You go to a spa for a spa. You don't go to a spa to do 50 lengths. I've told you before, I've never got to swim, I've never gotten to swim, my entire length. You're the least athletic, not fat. I know.

Why would you, I'm going for a swim. I can't get my head round it. Swimming pool is to relax in. Swimming pool in David Lloyd is the same as swimming pool on Aldi to me. If you go on an Aldi

and start to do Lems what the fuck are you doing? But when the people do it at David Leroy I know, that's why he goes to the beach, he just lent of the sea. I would if there wasn't monsters. No, I don't mind.

That's an old person exercise, isn't it? Yeah, because it's low impact. With the breast stroke, yeah. Good for you. your legs. No, but there's no, you're not. Yeah, you're not.

You're fucking your hips or whatnot. I don't mind a little swim after a, after a gym, but it's not, I don't go, I'm going swimming today to do some lengths. Sometimes I do one length. Do I mean? I get in and I go, do you know, I'm going to have a fucking boss little swim today

and I get the other end and I go, I don't want to overdo it. It's not, it's not overdo it. Yeah, taking the kids for a swimmer's class. Are they doing their badges? We got, no. There's the, there's the, there's the Holy Grail.

Oh my God. next to my Pendleton wool vest Yeah, we're on Vinton that turn Pendleton is that American If that card is the one I think

Actually, you know what You're in a true It's a true value that If or when Like a worn Freddie Mercury jacket You could sell off

I'm wearing after the next episode And I'm going to style it better This time And you're all gonna be Fucking eating your words Me Just don't wear the glasses With her

I think that was it You just basically dressed up as Jim Royal People noticed Why aren't your kids Doing the Badgers Etters at the age Yeah she

She did swimming lessons and she can swim pretty well. Jack really didn't like the swimming lessons, so we just allowed it. Is it still Kellogg's? It's Tony the Tiger still hand them out. No, it's at Chester University. And the... The Tragers at Chester University? Yes, yeah.

That was the credits of like Kellogg's, wasn't it? You used that Tony the Tiger doing your badges? Kellogg's, yeah. The certificate I've still got from me doing me, I think, 2,000 meters or whatever. It's Tony the Tiger. He's been for six-half hours leaving. see how far he can get. Tony's Agar's going,

you're great at swimming. Someone wrote to swim at the bum with it. You used to get your Kellogg certificate. Oh, we didn't get Kellogg's. You got little badges that you'd sew onto your, I don't know, you know what they were for. You kecks. Oh, yeah.

Some people had them on there. Yeah. Or he's mixed out in, really. I did 1600 meters. That was the longest I did. Yeah. I did 2,000, I think. Did you do the pyjamas,

dive into the bottom of the pool? Swim two kilometers as a child? He did 1,600 metres. You did? But you didn't swim 2,000? Why? Where? In the pool?

In the heat waves. That's what he did mine. No, we used to go to height and leisure centre. Can you find out how many lengths of height and leisure centre, 2,000 metres is? That's not that ridiculous. To be fair, I think I did 1600 metres, but I walked it and pretended to swim on the top. That's what I do anyway. Hello, Alex.

It's Dan again. Can you go into Adams' awards cupboard and get out the 2,000 metre swimming badge that he dead. definitely got from height and leisure centre, and I'd guess, like, 9099. Thanks. It's in my dad's actually. Oh, it's. It's on the fridge. 25 meters. Okay, so how many lengths is there? 80 is it? 80 lengths as a child. Yeah? I just can't refuse to believe her.

Just because you weren't capable. I don't get me five and gone, done, month. The, the, life-saving badges. Yeah. That was a whole, there was, that was, that was, that was bronze silver gold. I got bronze, which was the gold. and save the brick. Yeah. In like probably two meters. A house girl made it more like dangerous.

They'd shoot one of us. That was silver. Silver bullet lad. Shoot one of us and be like, there you go. Go and save Jamie. Right. Here's a kilogram of cocaine.

Swim. Have you seen in this open and seen a bat mom and the Joker shoots them like that? That's how they'd do it as well. You just pick them. Blot me head off. Go get them.

It's the kids you forgot their uniform with their swimming thing. You wouldn't do it anymore. You get shot. I was always full of poo as well. The worst. When it was fucking P.E. And you'd forgotten your kit.

Oh. There was like a cupboard in the corner of the changing room with some of the nastiest looking shit. We weren't made to do that way, were we? I just don't think we ever forgot our kid. No, because P.E. was the best. A lot of swimmer as well. I never forgot a P.

In five years of high school, you never once forgot your P. That was the best day of the week. Double P.E. Jesus Christ. Monday, they started. Monday was triple Pee. They start your week with three hours of footy.

You're not forgetting that. Right, well, I didn't do three hours of footy to start a week. It was usually Wednesday afternoon, I think. You just weren't that sporty way. I bet you've never forgot your cello. A budget's massive. You can't forget the cello. I forgot your cello, though.

I had a trombone in year seven. Oh, like Sonia off his tenders. trumpet. I saw their bifter, are they? Did you have trombone lessons in year seven? I had trombone lessons in year seven. I've said this on the pod. I went into the music shop

and I was like, that looks class. And it was the case. The case was marooned, stroke red. What? Go on. So Sonia from me stend there's bifter, do they? Rumi day.

All right, well, we just put a pause on my trombone. It was on Twitter. It might, it was a... Yeah, but in the video... Why do you focus up now? I sent Sonia from EastEnders and then I said I saw her Biff and then Finn pulled it back. I just saw it on Twitter and swiped off.

It made me sad. Why? I don't want to see Sonia from EastEnders as Biff, man. It's one of the top, one of the bottom three in the country, I think. Is this a hope solo moment? No, I'm just not in Sonia from Eastenders. So when you force fed their Biff, I mean, I didn't chew, I didn't Google it. You didn't chew it?

I didn't search it out. I was going, someone went, yeah. I was like, oh. Do I think maybe you need to curate a better list of people you follow? No, no, it was basically like an, on your for you. Well, then that's definitely on you, no. That means, that means Twitter's algorithm.

No. And seeing what you look at and spend time looking at and gone, do you know what he needs? He needs Sonia's Biff. I clicked on a tweet and it was a reply to the tweet. What was the tweet? Nothing to do with Sonia for me to spend. Hang on.

Hang on, you clicked on a tweet and a reply to that was, this is Sonia for me, Stender's Biff. Yes, but it wasn't, it wasn't like them words, but yes. And I was like, wow. How'd you know it was his? Guys, she's got a face, man. It probably AI all fake.

Where was this angle? Where was this picture taken from? Where you could clearly see a bit fan of head? It's like, she wasn't taking it. It was taken from the end of the bed. Up. And she was like, she was like, she had a trombone.

I mean, I mean, in the world of AI. I think, definitely AI. It might be. Have you also seen Marge Simpson sucking off Flanders? Not on purpose. Yes. Yeah. Your Honor.

It's not real. It's not real, is it? I can draw that, though. I don't want you to. Someone drew it. But this was, you know, AI. Even if it was, even if it was,

it was, it still was her face with her Biff, you know what I mean? I mean, like, AI struggles with, like Tom Cruise's face. I think they'd struggle with Natalie Cassidy.

They didn't. There's loads of her, though. There's not that many Tom Cruise films. She's been on EastEnders for years. When I was discovered of my, sexuality, I used to watch a bit of cartoon poem. I've watched like Fred

from Scooby-Doo, Wallop, Velman and Daphne. Nice. I always stay clear that I never understood it. So you can't watch Spirited away but you can wank to cartoon. You hate you hate animated films. Yeah, because Dan. He's not Japanese, but he is a white guy

so he can put himself in Fred's shoes and be like, I want to Valmy. So I'm like, I would be in charge. I would be Wallop and Daphne. Yeah. I've said on the record that I don't like animated films No what you said was like up What you are?

Yeah you said you can't connect with them Because you can't put yourself in the Because you're like I'm the main character I'm trying to be funny I love a cartoon mate Dick out Talk it now Amazing

Yeah I'm going into watching like Martin Getting well-y-class Have I like No you said you can't enjoy it as much Like you said up isn't sad Because it's a person who's been drawn Right, that makes sense. That's what you said.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I can still enjoy up as a film. Yeah. But I'm just not arced. Oh, my wife's there. Shut up. You're the fucking drawer.

No, they just stop drawing. Yeah? It's kind of what I was. Shut up, you're a fucking drawing. I have to be the cinema. Not assed to draw them. She can't have kids. Shut up.

You're a drawing. Shit montage. Didn't make me sad at all. Get the balloons out. Let's go flying. She's good, but I'm not like. You know when he's like trying to rescue Princess Fiona and the dragon's fucking like,

I'm not like worried he's going to die, am I? Because he's a fucking ogre. And ogres aren't real. Yeah. But all films are actors, aren't they? So that's not real either. You have to suspend a bit of disbelief, don't you? Yeah, but he can put himself in the actor's role

because he's like, I'm like that. Because he's Tom Cruise. Yeah? Yeah. Nice. Didn't the donkey fuck the dragon? Yeah. Spoilers.

Nice. There's a cartoon I could wang to. Oh yeah, the donkey, the dragon's the lady, isn't it? Yeah. So yeah. There's a new one coming up. I'll be there opening day. They've rewritten it, haven't they?

Yeah. Because people guess the, they release a teaser, and people guess the entire plot of the film. What are we on now? Shrek 5? Yeah. I think it stopped. Shrek one, Shrek 2, Shrek the third,

Shrek. Shrekly ever after? Yeah, something like that. Right. It was Shrekly ever after. I didn't think it was Shrekly ever after. Because it doesn't really roll off the tongue. I thought he was just happily

with Rasputting. Not Rasputt him. Who's the fella? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shrek forever after. Shrekfully forever after isn't the name of it. I stopped at two,

I think. I think I've seen Shrek the third but wasn't ass. That's the one with the Diderot. Pussy Boots was good. The last wish. Which one of the best films of all time?

Two. I've seen that one. With the Simon Cowe bonus feature. Do you remember that? No, absolutely not. Do you not remember the DVD bonus feature with Simon Cowell. That's the bit I watched the most.

They did like American Idol, but with the people from Shrek in it. Like, I think the gingerbread man sang Limin Lovida Loca. It was so good. I mean, I might have imagined this, but I'm pretty sure it's real. You do a lot of drugs, Finn.

Well, Jonathan Ross is in it any? Yeah, as the trans person. I've seen Shrek too. Is Jonathan Ross is the ugly sister? Yeah. But only in England. Yeah. They did a regional.

like, oh, it's a TV presented from your country doing that part. Respect. In North Korea, was it just Kim? Because he runs the whole telly, don't he? He was everyone. He was everyone in that film. He's every character.

Hello. Hey! You're like, love? Harry Murphy. Yeah. How do we feel about the Harry Potter series coming out later in the year? Genuinely, fucking,

I was a bit like, why did you do in this? And I watched the trailer, and I am so excited. I'm so happy it's not a film. Like, I'm, I want it to... Like, it's great that they're not...

Like, is it going to be like eight episodes or something? Each book's got its own, I think, eight or ten episodes series. So each series is a book. Right. I might watch it for the first time. Yeah, I've never seen the... I just think when people moan about stuff like this,

they're like, I'll just leave it. It was fucking great. It's like, you could just pretend they haven't made it. You don't have to... You just don't have to watch it. I don't know why they're remaking this. It will make $8 billion. And it looks like they're doing it really well.

Like I was genuinely like a protective over it, but it looks fucking boss. What's the thing with Black Snape, though? He's just a black character. No, no, but I've seen that I don't actually know Harry Potter law because I've seen like three of them. Okay. So the problem with a Black Snape is... There's something about a lynching. Yeah.

So, first of all, when Harry goes to school, he's... He loves Dumbledore straight away. He's at your sound. McGonigle, he's like, you're a bit strict, but you're quite nice to me. You got me in the Quidditch team. And for sort of no reason, he's constantly just looking at Snape,

like, you're trying to steal things. You are a rate. There's just something about you, I don't like. He doesn't like Snape. He doesn't know why. And now it's the only black teacher. It's like the traitors. Yeah.

And then... He looks at them in his head, and then in like the later... Hey, what are they doing here? In... In the... later books. There's like flashbacks.

And there's... So Harry Potter's dad, James, used to bully Snape when they were at school together. Oh no, he's racist. Yes. And he literally hangs him from a tree whilst bullying him.

Which looks like a lynching when it's the only... It's the only black character. I mean, there's black students. What they need... What they probably need to do is cast several other characters

with black actors otherwise it is going to look horrific yeah I wonder if that tree scene's going to be in the new theory it's quite integral to the plot though in it especially in the book yeah also Snape is a cunt to him

like it you know yeah through love though yeah but you don't know that for ages you just think Snape is a Psycho bully. Yeah. He's black now. The actor's very good though.

Yeah, and a few things. Papa Esidu. Also, he's a death eater as well. So he's a, he's a former bad guy. Triple agent. You're going to enjoy it. It's fucking sick.

And actually it's on a bad way of consuming it because you're going to get, you're going to know more about Harry Potter than people who haven't watched it because it's so in death. My ex-girlfriend was obsessed with Harry Potter. She loved it. She loved the books and she hated the films.

and she hated how much... Snape's role probably changes the most between the book and the film, apparently. I've never read the books, obviously. But at the end of the films, everyone sort of loves Snape. If that's your only sort of exposure to the story, because what you find out about him,

you're like, oh, he was actually great all along. He's the hero of the whole thing, really, won't he? But in the books, that's not the case. Like, he does sort of... He slightly redeems some of his... badness but like his character is very complex

and evil and stuff and bitter and twisted and violent and murderous and have you used the allegory of like it's because it's like

like Voldemort's like Hitler isn't he trying to keep things pure blood and like all his bad men and like the Fred Reich it's like Gables saving one boy

at the end and going smashed me he was a bad man and then he was an okay man everyone's like he's the best and then Harry goes

yeah I'm going to name he kid after you, lad. Spoilers. Was his kid, Snape? Those are the name, Severus. Alba Severus Potter. Which is one of the most ham-fisted

scenes in the whole thing. When he says his full name at the end, I hate that. But I'm genuinely excited. I think it's going to be great. I think it's going to be filmed really well. I know they put loads of money into it and it seems like the actor's a boss as well.

Yeah, but Dumbledore's 80 again and they're meant to be going for 10 years. It's at risk. Who is Dumbled? John Lithgow. Oh, yeah. He needs to be old, though. He needs to be, like,

wise. I think Michael Gambon was a bit of a young, like, Thundercat at the start. He wasn't him, was it? Richard Harris was like, Hey, I'm old and boo. Richard Harris was 104 years old when they started filming Philosopher Stone.

And then Michael Gammon was like, whoa! Hey, I'm a gamble dog, motherfucker! He's running round, fucking, like, doing overheads and step over and that. And out of nowhere, sounds like he's from Bristol. Yeah. Richard Harris is, Dumbledore,

but, like, obviously died. Again, that was another thing. People who loved the book, loved Richard Harris. and then hated Michael Gammon. Because he was meant to be an old, wise, slow moving, all being, all-knowing, and he turned into like a little,

say, like, whoa, Dumbledone, motherfucker. I like that. That guy sounds cool. Have you seen Hagrid's a busy? It's like a school rumor. Hagrid. Hagrid's a snitch, mom. Hagrid is, obviously, like,

Nick Frost is the face of Hagrid, but Hagrid is played by Britain's tallest policeman. They don't know what to do with that information, just I couldn't keep it in. Oh, like the body double? At the body double. Because Nick Frost is an 8 foot tall. But Britain's tallest policeman is he goes and, like, gets crime.

Is he still an active... Nick Frost said onto this fellow's body? No, like the scenes when he's walking away or whatever, will be body doubled by a tall... Backshut. Like they did for OG, Hagrid. He's a big, he's a big... He's a big policeman?

Is he... They might have put, like, extra kind of suits on him with that, but he's... Extra suits. Put two more suits on him. Make him look bigger. Dapper. Two more suits.

It's not fat enough. Put three more suits on him. I can't wait to watch it with the kids. But with Haggard, with Robbie Coltrane, it was just angles, wasn't it? It was always angles to make him. No, did they...

Surely they had a big dude. No, I'm saying when it was his face, because he was talking, it was always shot from down. Yeah. You know what I mean? It wasn't straight off. Yeah.

Yeah. It's like we're just discovering cinema for the first. It's all tricks. They made the kids look up. Mad, clever. But they did tricks with Gandalf, but then when it was like they're walking away holding hands, it was the umpalumper from,

Willie Walker. And instead of making him toy, they made the other person smaller. Yeah, so it was like, it was still Ian McKellan, but it was an umpulmpa. Not a numpalumper.

Like, that's in his filmography. I mean, yeah. And he'd like going, yeah. But then when they were sat on tables, the table was split

and the umbilumber was behind the camera or something. What I would say is everyone, I guarantee you none of us are sure about anything we've just said. No, Hagrid is 100% of busy. Hagrid is.

Hager's a busy man. Careful. He's a big fella. Yeah, he's a big dude. He looks like the guy who plays a... Surely if he's playing fucking Haggaret and he can't be... He's now a part-time policeman at best?

Whoa, I don't know. I don't know his sexuality. Haggaret's a busy and a part-time policeman. That's how he got the fucking part You know what I mean Part time, police been part time Hagrin

Who played Hold on in Game of Thrones It looks a bit like him You never watch Game of Thrones did you No, it was shite It wasn't shite It was incredible And then it was shite It was just for Goths

And you all got hudwinked into thinking It was for normal people by marketing It was for gimps Oh, there's dragons and shit One of the most popular TV shows In television history Yeah? Yeah, but it's been forgotten, isn't it?

Literally because of the last three, four episodes, it was forgotten. Oh, no. Last three, no, last episode. The one before that, the Battle of Winterfell was fucking class. The way the day is, whatever, no spoggers, that was poo. Also, the Battle of Winterfell is in pitch black. I watched it and my blinds were half open. Shut up, Harry, shut up.

That's an unbelievable episode. Just because you're watching it in fucking the middle of summer with the window open going, I can't even see this battle. I was just watching me on the screen. It was just some reflection of me. Yeah, because, ah, right. I can't know. It was like, who's dead?

It's a night walk you dead. I can't see you. Can you see me face? Shut up. Spoilers. I might watch it. If your sandals or anything to go by, you should watch it. It's for you.

It's good, but then at the end, it was just a big wet fart. It was a big wet fart of the last episode, yeah. And they knew it as well. It was like they were filming it going, this is shit. Yeah, you've seen that I've not watched Game of Thrones, but I've seen like the table read of the last episode, but they're all like going, oh no.

Lawrence Pierce? She's never, in it? No. So much she ate it. Amelia Clark, sorry. She's like, she's what really going. Because you know, it's an absolutely bag of shit. I mean, it was a good journey on the way.

Yeah, wonderful. There's a Starbucks cup in it, in there. Yeah. And there's a cheering. There's a bendy sword as well. But the destination matters, done it. There's no point flying first class to a war zone. The Charing's a game of throats.

I get the analogy. Isn't he of the House of the Dragon? No, he's in Game of Thrones? He plays a little song for, Ria. Oh, does he? Yeah. Do you know what iPhone face is? Do you ever hear the term iPhone face?

You ever heard of? So, like, it's a big one in the Michael Jackson film because everybody in the crowd's meant to be from the 70s and 80s and you look at them and they all look like they own an iPhone. It's called iPhone face because you're like, they don't look. Oh, like the people from the past. They look modern. They look like they, yeah, obviously they're playing a role.

They're dressed up, but they've, they go back and they've got smartphone. Like, it's a, when you notice it, it's a weird thing. an impossible thing to kind of... They just don't look like they're from that era. Yeah. No matter what you do, it's the term in films called iPhone face. Having the Michael film is really bad for it.

I'm still pissed off about Wuthering Heights. I don't get... I don't get your beef. I know, I know it's meant to be a stylized set, but it's just absolutely ridiculous. It's going to be, what, a late 18th century, Yorkshire fucking house, and they've got a red,

laminate floor. Fuck off. It's just dead irritating. What? What have I missed? He'd been going on for days about this, by the way. Oh, it's just so irritating. And I know you're going to go,

oh, yeah, it looked like Lady Gaga had done the set design. It was fucking mental. Are that ruined of immersion for you? A little bit. Probably should have let you go. So I get you for not being able to connect with an actual drawing,

but you're like, oh, red floor, fuck it. Yeah, because it's a period drama. Maybe it was symbolism. Period. Oh. Yeah. Excuse me, Lady Gaga.

bled all over the floor. Okay, thanks for underlining it. We got it. Margot Rob, you're going to stop look at the floor. It's the greatest thing ever. And everyone's like,

oh God, it was so, it was so sexual. Oh, Mario Robbie, that floor is shite. It was so sexual. Margo Robbie has a wank,

and then he catches her having a wank, and she's like, Oh, I can't believe he called me wanking. And he's like, come here, give me a hand,

and then sniffs her fingers and then licks her fingers and all the women like, oh, God. I can't believe he sniffed her fingers. and you went into that?

Yeah, it was all right. That was in... You look at the floor and the lamps. This isn't historically correct. He fingered some eggs at one point. That doesn't sound like... He just fingers some yolks. It looks quite sick, right?

Have you seen, um, coming by your name, Dan? No. When he fucks a peach. Well? Spoilers. Tim, Timmy Shamilley fucks a peach in the bath. And then, uh, army hammy, it's the peach full of cum.

It's better than people, he also drinks the bath water. Is this basically the legacy of Saltburn? It's like, it's dead sexy if you fuck the ground. This is before Saltburn? No. Call it all your names. E jizzed and a peach.

Yeah. What's it called? James and the jizzy peach. Yeah, yeah. James and the jizzy peach. Did he remove the stone? I don't know. Yeah, because he might have got it pregnant.

He drinks as bathwater. It's gay, like, it's a gay film. It's good film. You know, have you bury a stone from a peach in your garden? Will a peach tree grow? Yeah. said the six-year-old. Mom, if I saw as well as an apple tree,

is there an apple tree in my belly no? That's how I asked my mum questions. Mother, I got some questions about my belly. Go on? Yes. I'm going to bury a peach stone. Why is anyone buying more than one peach then in their lifetime? We'll buy one peach and fucking bury it?

And then you've got unlimited peaches, haven't you? Yeah, why is anyone buying food? Let's start a farm. How long is to take a peach You should plant it in Between November and April And then it And it starts fruiting in the summer

And when can you fuck it What you mean? It starts fruiting the next summer Yeah For the tree Yeah Go, they're quicker these days aren't he How long is it take

For the peach tree to grow? Why are they quicker these days? Global warming Global warming Western medicine Western medicine Sorry, three to four years Three to four years

That's slower these days love these peaches. I'll have another one in four years. His bad is pretty much about right doing it. Yeah, there is all right. This is great. Same with Kiwis. But then I don't eat them again. It's like go-karting, anyway. We could start a farm really, couldn't we?

Become more self-sustaining? Clarkson did it? By a little plot of land. How much of chickens? What? Finn, come on. Ellie's just hatched some. So at the nursery once a year,

they hatch all these. eggs, but one of them came out all bow-legged and like fucking mangled. Like, you're up footballer. It's like anything, it depends on the quality of the chicken. So it's between 5 and 50 quid. I like silky chickens, maybe they don't lay eggs.

So they'd be useless. Siltky chickens. Like, Ronaldine? What do you mean? There's just the most pretty chickens ever. So pretty. Sounds like, calls a chicken nons. I just lost me, thesaurus. A beautiful silken chicken. Google Silky

My mother, why don't the silky chickens lay out? We, I've met one before and it was sick. Oh, it's got like an afro. Oh, is it Japanese? Wow. I've seen one in Japan, but it's not a Japanese. Is it like that one that's... Is that Snoop Dog's chicken?

Bell's an auntie. Snoop chicken. I love silky chicken, mom. Pretty. Okay. And it's time for a break. And welcome back. If you're enjoying this episode, you should sign up to our patron.

It's one of the biggest in the world for a reason, an extra episode every Wednesday. And also all the back catalogue of every episode we've stuck on Patreon. And then all the specials were up to nearly 50. There's some absolute class specials. They've got the lockings. We've been around the world.

We've been around the world. You need to say either absolute classics or absolutely class. You can't say absolute class specials. Doesn't really work syntax-wise. All right. Absolute is an intensify that doesn't work with the work class. Also, we are doing another special

live at content on the 31st of May. Come see us do stars in their eyes. Tickets still available. I am on a stand-up tour from August through to February next year. Dan Nightingale and Friends has about 30 dates around the country. Adam has extended his tour.

Adam row.orgode at UK. I'm not doing that many dates because I don't want to. Tickets are flying. Really excited. Come and see us if you want. Be dead grateful if you came. And if you can't be asked,

then fuck you. You don't deserve it. And for those concerned that Carl needs to do stand up for the first time, it will be announced soon. Oh, can you also sell from? Film club's not sold out yet.

We haven't really pushed it because we're being stupid. We haven't pushed it. It's May the 28th. Yes? Yes. At the plaza in Crosby. Thursday.

Come and see Film Club live. They've got great popcorn. It's a film. It is a film. It is a film. I have a podcast for 10 pounds. Wow. Do you not surprise me, Dan.

I told my mates at the pub at the day that we were doing stars in their eyes and none of them knew what it was. To be fair, I didn't know really what it was. That's crazy. I remember it vividly as a kid watching it. It was massive. Yeah, but you're all a little music in, partner. Yeah, that's true. I also feel like the legacy has lived on through...

I feel like it's in pop culture. The East European stars in their eyes that have given us some phenomenal viral moments when no one culturally went, hey, probably don't do him. You're not blind. Yeah, that was the one. Shall we do some? It's a low-level conspiracy. Watch you back.

With Carl Reuters. Oh, mate. Watch you back. This is a banger. I'm a summer. We don't do one, two, three, the Somatunes. Our summer tunes last for 30 years.

Anyway, low-level conspiracies with Carl Regler. Hi, guys. LLC from Jamie Wool's from Hereford TV broadcasters lower the resolution when a new high spec resolution comes to the market ever watch sports on SD recently

probably not due to an issue with my provider recently I had no option there's no way I used to watch footy where you couldn't read the player's names or even see the ball honest to God I've noticed this it is weird there's no way

it used to be that bad I know obviously you know you can't Like, it was good then. But the difference is insane. You can't read the... You can't see anything. What are we up to now in terms of, like, what is the best... 8K, I think, is what you can buy on the market.

Yeah, but not in streams and 8K, so it's 4K still. But it will. Is that what we're saying? It just doesn't need to get better than 4K. It's already better than my eyes. Do I mean? Like, 4K on the telly is clearer than in person. My 9th, you said me,

I think Jember and Sky had a HD channel on a non-HG channel? remember that? It was like BBC 1, then BBC 1HD and she'd go, I can't tell the difference and I'd be like, you're a fucking idiot. You're so wrong. You're legally blind, I think. But the difference is insane,

but going back and watching the standard definition now, there's no way we watch it like that. And I agree with it. Yeah, 16K is going to be way too much when we eventually get there in 10, 15, 20 years where you can see someone picking the nose at the cricket. I saw... Oh my God, did you see the video of...

the pit walk at Miami the Grand Prix this week they're walking it's like Jensen Button and someone else and they're like they're chatting away and talking boring bollocks about the effort was a fucking great race and there is a just by chance an objective 11 out of 10 walking

and the cameraman sort of takes a step back so he's still got them so he's sort of doing his job and then just makes the camera pan over to her and she is unbelievably attractive and even she goes dude I'm not meant to be on the telly here. And she walks past and then he goes,

oh, fuck, she was amazing. And because they're walking backwards doing the pit walk, someone got in so much trouble. There is a McLaren mechanic and it just comes into, and he's literally going to his mate, look, fucking hell shit.

And it's gone viral and he is in so much shit. IMAX is 18K. So when you go and see IMAX that's already 18K. I saw 8K at the gadget show when I was like 14. they have 4K and 8K

this is when I hate to the gadget show as well great isn't it yeah it was good cool guys this is when HD was only you had to pay more the sky it was like wow

HD unbelievable and so 8K and the other they had it on the front of an aquarium like a fish tank and like the same shape and because our eyes when you used to like nobody could believe it wasn't real

that's how good it was back then and that's what in 10 years time we're going to be watching cash in the attic with that level of resolution. There is some things that you're like, it doesn't need to improve in for that.

Yeah, I can't, I mean films, aside from films. I love that Laura's changed her stance on my big teller. Oh, she allowed a big telly? No, no, she, I bought a 63 inch. She was like, it's ridiculous, just looks stupid. And then maybe a few months ago we were watching a film, she was like, this is great for watching films. Yes, it is.

Shut up. Such a common, like, thing with women, that. Oh, no. A little microwave. Yeah. I just want a little teller. Make it phone size. Put it in corner.

We had to take our telly off the wall. Shut up. The other day, because Ellie had put it, like, essentially touching the ceiling. And then realized that we were just, like, cranking our necks every time watching the telly. How big is the telly? I, like, 50. It's the one that you bought me. Oh.

So whatever that is, but we, she was, I'll put it on the, on the wall. And she got a ladder and put it up dead eye. And I was like, that's, that's. too high though, in it? No, because it needs to look like a bar. What did she put it on? On the wall? She mounted it?

It needs to look like a bar. She wants it like the telly in the corner of a pub. Not like a bar, but it was like, when you see a telly mounts on the wall, they're always dead eye. And then in the middle of, I woke up in the morning and she was early in the morning taking the telly off the wall.

Did she put the bracket on the wall? Yeah. And you didn't? She just did it off her own. She used a handy manning their relationship, don't she? I wouldn't trust myself to put a bracket on the wall? No way. Neither would he?

He'd get a man in? I have got a man into my breath, so on me, it's better than me, edit. It's level and it looks good. She's a handsy woman, Ellie, like. What if you've got a manly wife? I haven't. She's like, get the man.

She's in the bath. TV's lower down is well better. Does Ellie enjoy doing all manual labour? I think it's more the fact that she wouldn't be able to live with herself if I'd burn the house down. No, I'm not suggesting that you should be option one. I'm saying, does she not ever think I'll get a family house down? saying does she not ever think I'll get a feller in to do this?

Oh, no. It's all instinct and to do it yourself. Yeah, the only time I've ever got a fella in is there's a hole in the roof. She's not a roofer. She's not a roofer. Yeah, but aren't you just going to, the man that you get in is going to be like Bernard that you grew up with him? No, it was Clive.

Clinton. Yeah, yeah. Maybe she's like, do you know what? I can't be asked with Harry's dad's mates turning up from Parbold. So I'll just learn to do it myself. I hate the Clive fan of his podcast. Location was so unnecessary there. First of all, he's from Burskow.

And second of all, he's too busy at the moment because he's making loads of boats. So he can't come around to fix our plugs, so at least fix the plugs. Is he got all over stopping them? No, no, he's a piece of love, Clive, he's sick. What kind of boats is Clive making? He just makes boats.

I don't know. He makes speed boats and that. He makes speed boats. You want a speed boat? I'll get your dad's mate to do it. Honestly, he is one of them. Honestly, I think. Who is that?

Clyde. You want a speed boats? I'll get your dad's mate to do it. So was that meant to be his dad saying? I'm not enjoying the syntax debrief that we've got today. Do you not enjoying it? To random another sheet. Shove your fucking syntax.

Also don't think they make 63 inch tellies, but I let you slide on that. Cracks of your, you are. Be 65. Yeah. Much other come in denominations of 63. Finn did say that though, not me.

Genuine though, Clive is so, Clive is so talented that I reckon if he was from like old and times, he'd be like a wizard. He is from olden times? No, if he was like from the 1500s, if he was that talented, I think he'd be like the king or something.

What do you mean? He's talented? He can do everything. Was king based on like Britain's got talent? I don't know. Like, they go like, look at that wizard. Do you know what I mean?

Can he do everything? Can he just, is just an old drill? I mean, I think it swings around. Again, it's syntax in it. You're picking me apart here. Swings aroundabouts and power bolts,

speed bolts. He can fit plugs. He had a dehumid that we borrowed. He used wallpaper to fill a hole in that wall. Did you just list as one of his talents owning a dehumidifier? I mean, it was... I haven't got one.

It's an industrial one as well. He can make boats. He does hot air ballooning. He played football with Pellet. I said that one. What do you mean? He does hot air ballooning. He did hot air ballooning.

That was when he got introduced to the... He's being in a hot air balloon. No, he used to race hot air balloons. I remember you telling us that. We talked about that. He used to erase hot air balloons. I must have missed that episode, man. Isn't that all just weather dependence?

So I don't go on the same speed. Well, I don't because he used to win, apparently. So he's been to Mozambi. How many people do you know who'd be into Mosambi? Laura. James Patrick says, lip bombs and Vaseline. Yes.

Oh, they agree. Put you into a never-ending cycle of thinking your lips are dry, so you apply more lip-bomb or Vaseline till you die. I said this first week. I said, Kebri. He's Nick yours. Yeah, he's Nick. Mine. Listen.

What was his name? James Patrick. James Patrick. Listen to the podcast. I've already said it. You said, Kebri. I said Kebby. Well done.

J.W. says, Hello, Lids. When ordering coffee, I think Starbucks intentionally get your name wrong so you complain about it on socials, therefore giving them free advertising.

Fact. Has I ever done that? Yeah, I reckon that's true. They've got better at spelling now. I've actually done that before. That's done me head in. In New York,

because of my accent, I was Cole. Because I went Carl, and they've heard, like, Carl. So I was Cole. And Seneca was Sarah He. but that it

everyone does that but I put it on like hey you knob it but maybe I get Phil a lot I call you fill a lot I get Phil at Starbucks filled a lot and I fill If you get in Adam or Dan wrong

Something's Eat them Like the cheese Yeah Dan's just a noise in it I mean it's all just noises I mean it's all just noises No but like that like Carl's just a noise

as well it's just one noise Bartholomew is not a noise It's very true It's noises really isn't it It's a way of life Like someone outside I go do And it sounds like the Shelton done

Yeah Put that on a coffee Did someone just show Bartholomew They definitely did Believe Yeah you've won't be over Mike Green says Hi Lids

Low level conspiracy here I'm convinced that your phone holds back some notifications until you put it down To force you to pick it back up again and carry on doom scroll I imagine that's the thing. It does, but it doesn't make like messages

and emails and stuff. Because they're like timestamped when they got sent and when they come through. I know because they're trying to get you to do they try to get you to do pickups get on your back on your phone. So they do push them. Yeah, as soon as you close it, it goes, oh, Pinterest. Got some new sandals for you and have a lot of these.

Yeah, it's always happening to me. That's only you. I'm sick of it. I had to turn off my pop-ups for Pinterest. I've just got one then three minutes ago. A fitness one. Your free fitness three months is expiring today. Shit. I imagine because I put my phone down

for an X amount of time, they've gone, find it out now. Yeah, I've just got one from Simply safe, backyard, camera detected motions, telling me someone's in the back garden.

Lies. I just think it's a pick you phone at one. I think it's, they do find them out of specific times. Like, right, now is a time when... Have you got any pop-ups from apps?

I don't let any apps. I mean, the fitness one's popped up because I've never used it, so I need to turn that off. Let's see what happens if I clear that notification. the duolingo owl messages me at 11 o'clock every night

you up you up yeah it's like yeah it says you up and it'll be like it'll have a countdown and it's like we don't want to lose you and then you i've got to do me thing me me street he's still doing swahili no i dropped swahili i don't think i'll ever use it again because they all spoke fucking english anyway didn't they everyone does though you later yeah there was a tiny bit because i didn't get to use it enough i got to say i tried to make dan say i'm Chinese and he didn't.

So it was just like, that was all me Swahili wasted. And how long have you wasted on German? 1,200 days, I think. You're fluent now. I just do the same. They have like little book exercise, like stories. So there's one about this girl who's like dead messy. I just do that every day.

So because I know the answers already. That's how you learn, man. So the only German you can speak. What's the fucking point to that? Because it gets to half 11 at night and I'm like, I can't. Otherwise I'll get all of them. I'm onto quite hard ones now and they're too difficult

and if I do it too long then I lose a streak freeze The streaks are relevant if you're not getting any better at German No he's that age Have you got a Snapchat streak with anyone? No but I've passed

but my brother's trying to instigate me People cared about that People in generation below Like oh we've been streaking for 12 years Can't lose that That's true Like girls will lose their mat

Like they have to keep the streak Goide 1,000 day streak On Snapchat when I was younger That was my way of trying to flirt, I think. I think she thought I was gay, because I was scared about the streak. So the only German you know is to tell an eight-year-old girl to tidy a bedroom?

To be fair, I don't really know it. Can I have, like, use a tie, clean your wardrobe up, two beers? She's schmutzig. That feels problematic. That's her name. No, it means she's dainty. Oh, yeah, damn.

The eight-year-old child. No, she's not a child. She's like... You did say Charles Badger. The story is about... The story is this woman... You're fucking little schmudson. This woman called B

goes around to this girl's house and she's like, what's wrong? She's like, ah, I hate my roommate. And then she goes, oh no. It's like, look, like, my roommate's left dirty clothes. And there's an old Donna Cabab out. And that's Alta Durner.

It's an old Donna Cabab out. And then it turns out that the girl that she's the one who's left to Donna Cabab out. That's the story. But I'm just not off my heart now. There's a narrative arc within your duolingo?

Yeah, because they do the little stories. Each character that teaches your duolingo has personalities. There's the one with the turban who's like, he's happy, to be fair. Is he German?

They all speak all the languages. To be fair to him, he's a nice one. There's a goth one who she'll message me at night and go like, you're going to lose your streak, but I don't care if you do.

And he's like, well, fuck you. I'm going to do your German streak. Harry's being catfish by duolingo. They're starting like AI ones They're gonna These these characters are gonna have like Sentience

You can already You can already speak to them You gotta pay like the premium bit And you can ask them out of the day Harry, you're going to lose your streak I've been a dirty girl A little schwanzig I was in a Tesla

They're they four of the first times And there's a mode on it Where you can make her Sexy The voice that talks back to you And you can Man left big boy Well

Adam is your sexy Tesla. Come on. But no, but literally, like, because of Dylan Musk, and he's a fucking child. Suck it off if you take the third exit on the next roundabout.

Yeah. The person who was driving, I won't name him. He went, count down from 10, but come after every number, and she literally comes after every number she's counting. Like, she'll do and say anything. There's like...

The car squared. Like the windscreen thing? Found this out. It's not just a thing on Tesla. You can have a little. like a sad person, depressed, a happy, you can have, you can have a turn left here if you want. Any, you can have any sound as it locks.

Ambivalence. As you walk away. In the UK, you can't. Oh, in America you can. You can press any, you can, yeah, yeah, in the UK, you used to be able to be able to be on more. It's also got a megaphone,

isn't it? So, like, you're like, when the police, go, like, get out the way. You can use that. You can go, no. Yeah. I can't have a Tesla man. Abuse him not.

I've been calling people Gobsh, she's like, oh mate. But yeah, maybe all are Tesla. She come after every number, yeah. And I mean, not like, oh, like a full orgasm and goes six, and then it's insane. They'll say anything. They'll say the worst possible words you can think of.

You can say, right, direct me to this place. Be horrendously racist the entire way. And they will do it. And there's no software that's been applied to this to stop that happening. Like, turn left here, and they always say whatever. ever like. Which a Grock car, isn't it?

Grock was like denying the Holocaust at one point, wasn't he? It's Grock on Twitter, which is the most, like, free GPA, AI, it'll say anything because it's like, Dylan Musk. He's a child, isn't he? Right. And that's doing your Saturn Ave in your Tesla. Yeah. Right.

That feels like a dangerous combo for you, Carl. No, I haven't got a Tesla. No, I know, but I feel like. That's why I won't get one. Because I like what we've got. Last one. Karim says, here's my low-level conspiracy theory. I believe David Attenborough actually passed away

during the COVID-19 pandemic, but the government believed his loss would have too significant an impact on national morale, and they have used the vast archive of his past recordings to virtually keep him alive and continue producing content. Do our listeners know what the words low-level means? It's quite high, this.

It's quite high level, isn't it? The death of a national treasure covered up by the government A little low-level conspiracy there. Has anyone ever met David Attenborough? Are you questions? Have you ever seen anyone have a selfie with him? What is a David Ashr? Seeing a couple of penguins, do it?

That's kind of arguing with you. Has anyone ever met? Oh yeah, I suppose someone's met him. Yeah, I just got a picture of someone with a selfie with him. I want the government to do this. I want to die before David Attenborough. That would be great. I just never want to deal with the sadness of the day.

he's 100 on on Friday he's 100 on Friday that's sick does he get a text off the king now yeah it's email

goes into his junk well they'll lot surely they've updated that because it was a telegram off the queen won't it surely after she's died they're like right we'll just do a WhatsApp

voice notes or something it's a cameo Charles going yes lad under the belt anyway to that kid like they've got to update that at some point

I think it's having the holding the lesse of it's like wow look at this. Did they send it on your birthday? Or does it arrive on your birthday? Does that be quite sad if you died the day before?

Myel, mate. What? The buddy royal mail. That's the thing, in it? Or would it be in royal mail? They probably get priority. That is true. That's good.

But I mean, like, if you were David Attenborough and, like, obviously he's got probably kids or whatever, or at least Adam was. What's he got? He's one of his brother, I'm like Richard.

He's dead. He was in Jurassic Park. He died. He died years ago. And we told you about it weeks ago. Rest and peace, Rich. But like, I imagine if, because you're meant to get the letter for your birthday.

Yeah. So if it arrives on your birthday, but you die the day before your birthday. Are you having an answer? Exactly. You have to send it back. Yeah, but I mean, it'd be quite sad, wouldn't it?

Charles doesn't even know yet. Like, your daughter's open and happy and, like, oh, he didn't even make it. Charles writes more. stamp because he's not replied yet he doesn't even sign it he just puts a big sausage finger like a potato print just look at a letter

I wonder how many letters he sends a year I imagine it's not handwritten I imagine he can't even hold a pen at this point oh it's hand signed yeah I wonder how many people in the UK hit 100 don't you type it either only more and more yes still get messages for 100

and then a hundred and fifth and then every year after that respect how many people here to 100 in the UK I think if you get to like 112 you'd be like oh shut up

I'm gonna mean stop spamming me no letter I don't even know you laugh you fucking sending me birthday cards every year I don't even get

one off my mates anymore how many people are older than 105 in the in the 150 is the oldest is the oldest

in the world isn't it 16,600 centarians in the UK that's so much more than I imagine it's like a full you could do a full

like league one game like crowd. He's sending 16,000 of them a year. No, this is over 100. I don't know about 105. Wow. All he must do is sign letters like us, sign them posters.

16,000 divide the 5. Several hundred people age 105 or older. They all smoke bifters as well, don't they? If you had to send all 16,000, that'd be 44 a day. You're fucking under be cramping signing all them. His fingers are like that. That we've sorted out. Let me stop sign.

Give me a stamp, please. No, Charles. We're going to do a have a word. I haven't picked me favourite. What's your favourite, Carl? So there's the lip-arm one. There's the tele one. There's the...

What was it, the third one? Sorry, Dan. Starbucks, intentionally getting your name wrong. I'm going to go with the telly one, the SD one. Watch a new, Sky. I think you're not far off. Me, tell us all the first of the 9.10.

Oh, middle 10%. I'm knackered today. Same. I stayed in town last night because it was cheaper than driving home. And for some reason, there was building going on at 6 a.m. It started. Started at 6, finished at 8. I went to reception.

I've never done that before. Except in the legal show. Oh, in the hotel? In the building next door. recorded some of it because I sent it to Harry. It's eight they're meant to start. I was eight, yeah. It's the second video that that is awful. Which one was that?

I had a bad sleep because I had the hay fever injection in my ass. Sounds like you're using a vibrator. Six a.m. I was just on like a late last thing. I felt like I heard the noise outside my house. And I thought like I went and checked that no one was going near my car or whatever. And that's like sort of jolted me up.

And then as I was going, back off, I thought I had the dog got, oh, woof, but it, it was just me fan, like, rumbling on the door. Then those two things happen within, like, half an hour of each other. I was just, like, sort of, like... On edge. Yeah, and I just couldn't, I never settled for more than, like, an hour at a time. You got your fan on? I have as well, I've had on for more two weeks. It's warm at night now. What? We are in fan-eater right now. Warm at night? Yeah. Yeah. Wow, we've got a microclimate going on in Sogill, then, because does not feel warm.

I'm back down to the 4.5, Tog. Yeah, I'd say about 10 days. I've had my final. I've only got it on level 2 of 10. Oh, I have it on 3. Are there a further distance? Got 10 levels on your fan? It's a Dyson air,

Zs like to make... A Dyson what? Dyson air, zooz. Not heard of them. Have a word. Can you lads please have a word with all low-level jobsworths, people who take their work way too seriously,

Lord, their tiny bit of unimportant power over the public, enforce pathetic rules like they're the owner of the company and generally act like a Colin. Particularly this one guy who started at the tip a few months back, all the other lads there are sound. They'll help out occasionally, but generally always let you get rid of your stuff quickly. Not this new tool.

He guards the general waste and checks what you're putting in. Like, fuck off Colin. It's just bags of crap. Let me just bin it. It's not toxic waste or a dead body. It's an unsorted bag of crap my wife gave me. Let me just landfill the shit and get on my way. Vent over.

That's from Chris in Leicester. I'm with the fella. It's hard to know what, genuinely, I tried to do stand-up about something, like, slightly adjacent to this. Have you ever heard, have you ever sort of listened to someone complain about their job

like it is like a matter of global security and realise how fucking upset? Like, everyone feels like their job, like their industry matters and nothing matters. We don't, this is, like, the way we talk sometimes about, like, needing to get a Patreon special plan and we, if someone listened to us talk about it,

like we sound like we think we're like saving the planet. And when you were like, I was walking through, is it Regent Street in London? It goes from like Piccadilly Circus up towards like Oxford Circus. That sounds right. There was a fellow on the road going, no, it has to be done by Friday. It has to be done.

because those spreadsheets are getting done by Monday. And if they're delayed, I just don't know what'll happen. I don't know what'll happen. And I was just like, do you know what'll happen? You'll do with Tuesday? Like, it will not matter to any... Everyone has this massive sense of their own importance

and we're all just fucking... Yeah, but if got... Because most people's jobs are pretty mundane, repetitive. Like, if you don't feel like it's important, can you even get there? Yeah. Can you even manage it out of day? I just think we're all perfect.

This happened in Paris Airport with me and Senegal coming home. Do you know, do you know, when you have the things, but it's that to get to like a desk. It's like cordoned off. You're going to walk up and down and up and down. The entrance of it was like 100 yards that way. Or it was the start here,

and I could just unclip the thing. There's nobody there. No one in the queue. So they've done the move around, like there's a queue of 200 people. Start all the way down there or just unclipper. Get in, clip it back. And then I've saved myself.

all that walk there's someone shouting me, now get back out and I was like well now I'm already in the queue now she's like

get back out now I've come that I had to come out come out come out and then walk back to where I was and walk around

and I'm like I wouldn't have done that I'd be like fuck off your French cunt and a polion but I went like why

like for what reason she went because I said and I was I think but Seneca went Carl don't cause an issue

in an airport because... Because they can stop you flying. It's the one place where the stakes are higher. But that's why they can wield it. Because they're like, it's airport security.

You could have a bomb. You're like, no, you've set this fucking... Do you know what I'm my favourite? Probably in an airport, I probably would have just been like, all right, whatever. Because you're not going to have been playing, you've got to do it.

But you know, when you're in, like, somewhere and sometimes there's someone who's, like, in a position of authority, they're normally like a supervisor. They're never like a general manager. They never make it. that far. There's someone who's just got like a hint of power.

They just have a slight bit of like sort of influence and seniority over like a handful of people. And they used to being able to talk to people like they're in charge. And then they do it to you, but you're like a customer or just passing by. And they're like, hey, can you do this? That's one of my favorite things in the world because I'm just like, I don't fucking work for you, your little dwarf cunt. Oh, wow.

Where are you for you? Is Disneyland? I saw two parking. When someone tries to speak to you like you work for them and you just don't and you just don't, you just get to go now? Yeah. Like, you have to go this way.

No, I don't. Well, I went, I was like, but tell me why. Because there's no reason. Hey, nothing, but, sorry. And she went, cause, because I said. And I was like, I wanted to go, fuck off. But Seneca went, do not start in an airport

because they'll go, get security, you miss your flight. And she can just sit there doing that to the window. I saw two parking attendants having a chat when I was on the way to the train and they finished the conversation and left and as the fellow was walking away the other one went,

keep fighting the good fight, Brian. To you? This is what we do. We do this every day. To the other parking attendant that was walking away. That was like... Legs sweep on one of them at least.

We get a lot of stick, but we're keeping this city open. Fucking out. Break time. It's a break time. It's an important break time. but it's a break time. Long overdue.

Long overdue. Mike Bubbins is. Bovino. Thank you boys and you are old boys. That's lovely. I know. Dan's excited to have you in because he gets to do as well,

Shaq's End. Oh, that's have a listen. Yeah. Go on. I'm leaving. That's not bad. Thank you very much. I was saying is that...

I can't do anything else apart from South Whelian. It gets where this was he in, mind, I'm not saying I do it well But I can't do Fucking North Wales Is there a beef between North Wales? Yes

He's from real Yeah we don't really talk Like North Wales is like a You've seen like a DNA map of the world right Everywhere mingles But there's honestly It's like a there's like an area of North Wales About 60 miles in diameter

Where they haven't mingle with anybody ever Hey you're the exception You're my house getting wall up by Turks weren't she? Was she? Turk. Singular. Singular.

Just the one turk. Just the one. Wallet by Turks is a good band as well. He's definitely just one. As far as I know. Yeah, yeah. Is that? What part of the world is you from?

Shill. Shrill. Can you say it like he says it? Trill. He did it. Trill. Chrel. I can do it as well.

Shrel. No, you're saying shrill. No, I'm not. So is he? No, he's not. It's our hate. It's a letter in Welsh. That's good.

Trill. That one bad. Thank you. That one bad. Isn't there like a 20 mile all around South Wales that you're not Welsh speakers? It's like the northern hillbilly type. It's weird. You go up to, if you're in North Wales then Welsh is quite often like the sort of working class language.

And then in South Wales it's the opposite. It's like the more middle class people tend to speak it in. Oh right. Because it's almost like a, yeah, okay. You know, like I didn't want to send my kids to the local English speaking school. Because I, you know, ideas about my station. So I set my kids to like a Welsh language school.

They both speak Welsh. Didn't you learn later in life? I learned a bit, yeah. I did a thing called Yai Thaddeith on S4C, which is like... Yaitthard Deith. Just means like a journey to the language. S. Pedorech, the Welsh channel.

Yeah, yeah, with Alice James. And he was my mentor for a week. And basically, the premise of the show is that you learn Welsh in a week. And after a week, I couldn't speak Welsh. It just can't be done. And then I put in another pitch to S4C for a thing called Ian Men Million,

one on a million, which is basically, listen, a week's too short. I need a whole year. So they filmed me for a year, learning Welsh. And I proved that you couldn't

Ler Welsh in a year either. I did it, guys. I've been paid twice. So, you know. I've got this new idea. It's Ler Welsh in 15 years. That's the next plan,

man. That is the one, the retirement one, yeah. Like last of summer wine. Yeah. Yeah, it just keeps going forever and ever. I can't wait.

If Mammoth takes off and we get, like, I said, Luke, my mate, produces it. I said, we get like the 24th series. I'm not going to do with Jervais, do two series and bail on it for artistic reasons. I'm 53 years of age. You know, I want to do like Series 20 on Mammoth. Mammoth moves to the Yorkshire Dales.

No one knows why. It's on a Sunday tea time. Yeah, fine. Kids will be like, you knew it was like time for homework when Mammoth was on. He's coming down the hill in a fucking bathtub. No one knows why, no one cares why. One of the most mental surprises of my professional life

was flicking on the TV and then on the homepage on Sky was my mate Mike Bubbins in a sitcom that I had no idea was happening. That is, I just, maybe a failing on my part that I haven't been following you online. Well, no, yeah,

that speaks to our friendship and the marketing of the BBC Network. It's such a nice surprise that one of the good guys that I know has got a sitcom made. And I don't often watch a lot of other comics. I don't know. It's just, I'm not a sitcom guy really, but fuck

it's great. It's fucking brilliant. It's so good. And to mess with time travel in a BBC sitcom. This is the thing. What? Mammoth. It's the premise. It's like Dr. New? No, no, no. It's good. Oh, dear. You got to hear what would he lead? So he's

on a skiing trip, 979. Tony Mammoth, a peer teacher gets engulf by an avalanche. Everyone thinks he's dead. Time moves on. he's found Thorne in the modern day they bring him back to life and he gets his job back he doesn't want to be famous

just wants to be a peer teacher back in his old school so he's like this old school pea teacher in a modern day school and then with all the sort of you know with the daughter's the same age his daughter's his age

you know yeah it's good it's absolutely class when I was again I love Buck Rogers that's my favourite program you're too young I used to watch Buck Rogers

no I remember but yeah yeah yeah so I based a lot on Buck Rogers and people didn't they haven't sort of worked up. A lot of the names are from Buck Rogers. Oh, it's a full homage. That's great.

Yeah, I shouldn't tell anybody this. Well, you are. Well, I am. So his daughter's called Mel because Mel Blank did the voice of Twiki, the robot in Buck Rogers. That's why she's called Mel. And his grandson's called Theo,

because Theo was the computer on the front of Tweaky, you remember? I wonder if anyone's work this out until now? I'm just telling you now. And then he does a little... He does a little sketch of a robot. The robot's called Tweaky 3,000, Buck Rogers. The name of the school is called Nolan High School

because he was a fellow that wrote the original radio play of Buck Rogers. And his best mate's called? Book Rogers. Roger Buck. Is it? Roger Buck. And no one's mess up. What are they?

What are they? What they call him? Easter eggs, the youngsters? Yeah, yeah. Easter eggs, isn't it? But not now. They just smashed open for everyone. I've missed the third series, no. Bollocks to.

Have you always had a moustache, Mike? Not always. No, you have. In my head, you had a full fucking handlebar at about 11. I always wanted a moustache. Well, as a kid, I wanted a moustache. Yeah, badly. Love Burt Reynolds.

Love Tom Selleck. I suppose about 10, 12 years now, Ed? You suit the moustache in the sideburns. It's a look you really suit. The thing is, when he shave it off now, it looks wrong. Yeah. Like when he shaves his off. Yeah.

You can have a no mustache, and it's fine. But what you grow a mustache, you've got to stick with it for the long, you know. I think there are people that when I grew up out of moustaches and shaved him off because of weakness. Like, so, Nigel Mansell looks wrong, right? Oh, yeah. David Seaman.

Wrong. Oh, yeah? Graham Gooch looks wrong, you know? Wow, oh yeah, Simon. What's you know for a moustache, you've got to keep it? Yeah, totally. What do you think of Harry's mustache? That's a good moustache.

Yeah, but he's got to keep that now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He would look mental without that now. He'd look so much younger without. it. He's got a mullet and a moustache and he's got to stick to it. That's a strong look. Also, it's easy growing mustaches now. They're in. Mike's

rode it out through the fucking, the dark times of it. When I started, believe me. If anyone's seen Mammoth and then you're seeing Mike on the podcast today, like, wow, he's really committing to the bit. No. The sitcom has been made so Mike could be who he is

on the television. This is how I've always known. you dressed on stage in real life. What someone said to me, I love that car in Mammoth, mate. Like a prairie. It's nice, isn't it? He said, why do you ask you if they're like to keep it? It's my car.

You'd be a good cop. You'd look like you'd be going to be going to a cop show. I'd love to do a cop show. A cop show. You've got to... Old school, though, you know what I mean? Yeah, like a Colombo can. Sweet ass.

Yeah, I love a bit of Crombo. Both for it. She's sweet ass. Sweet ass. Oh, I thought he said sweet ass. He did to me. He has got a sweet ass. I did

Celebrity Mastermind Ask me how we got on How'd you get on? I won it What was your Specialised subject James Garner Jim Rockford

From the Rockford Files What was your specialist subject? James Garner from the Rockford Files The problem is The problem is I only know is in the Rockford Files Delay I'm just bent

It's nice It is What's the Rockford Files? Is that a TV show? Google it. All right. I haven't got it. He'll do it.

It is a brilliant. It's a brilliant detective series where James Garner plays Jim Rockford. Oh, I know his face. Yeah, you know what I mean? So he's basically, he was wrongly imprisoned, gets out of the slimmer. He can't get his old job back in the police department, so he ends up being a private detective. You know, it's a great bit of me. I love the idea to be in a private detective, you know.

Because obviously if you're a police officer and you get to the point where your detective, you're sort of still overshadowed by the boss, aren't you? Like, get in here, a row. You're not detect them properly, but if you're a private detective, you can just go off and do you. You can cut corners. You can, you know, plant evidence, whatever you need to do. How would you do that, though?

Say I asked you to, I think Seneca's cheating on me. And you go, I'm a PI. Yeah. I go, in a week I want to know what's going on. Get a honeypot. Yeah. I call my phone. Just leave most out of the house.

Deck chair outside your house. What would you do? have I said, like, in a week, I want to know who this guy is. Do you know for sure? Yeah, and like, I've, I don't know, I've found a, I don't know, I've something, like a donkey or something.

Yeah, I've found something in a bag that, like a condom wrapper. Used? Yeah, open. A used condom wrapper? It's opened and it's in a bag and we don't use them. So I'm like, we're just that.

You've got a week, what you do? What if I spend a week investigating and I find out she's just making balloon animals in a spare time? I'd be made up. Can you tell me that in a week? yeah what did you do

just sit outside that out of us or I'd follow her meanwhile he keeps banging a girlfriend so it wouldn't win really you don't know that's a really

a stroke of bad luck if the privacy you hire is the one shagging you heard yeah yeah yeah I mean if you that's a good idea

for a sitcom though I'm gonna minute yeah a follower yeah you just you say like three or four

cars behind them, don't you? That's John Theft Auto, isn't it? What? You're thinking of Grand The Auto missions? I never did. The missions. I just went around shagging prostitutes

and then get my money back. It's like a bad payout. Can you get a refund in Grand Thefts? Oh, can you? If you kill them and pick the money up, yeah. You pick a prostitutes up. So whenever you kill someone in Grand Theft Auto, they drop all less stuff.

So if they've got a gun, you pick their gun up. You've got money. Drop the money. And I remember I wall up some, like, prostitutes, some of, a girl off the street. Turkish? Shacked her in my car.

and then, like, kicked it out. And she charged me like 250 Grand Theft Auto monies. And I'd run her over and surely had it, 150 of her. And I was like, here, pimps, like, already got his commission. He's nowhere nearer. Works for Raval. She spent $100 getting kicked out of your car after a wallop. I'm doing the economics of brasses on GTO, like, 40.

But I was just like this. It's sort of ruined the whole game for me. The immersion is dumb, man. It was just, like, I know she's got $2.50 because she's just took it off, me. I never played, I've never, I've never played a video game. Oh, that's sad.

It's such a fun. Yeah, I know. They got invented in the 80s, so he's no interest. I'm interested. I got Astro Wars on my bar. They've ever played Pong? No. Really?

Pong's the one with the, like, the temperateist one. Yeah, that's like the mostly. My mate had that. My mate Michael Payne had Pong, his own mom was a copper, Greg. And they lived in a police house in. Greg Payne. That's a great copper name. Wow. Detective Greg Payne as well.

That might be the manliest man I've ever. Executive Greg Payne. But they have the first... What do they call it? You plugged into the TV aerial. And he played it with like, were dials. Oh, yeah, yeah.

You could change the size of the paddle. Yeah, yeah. And he can move it up and down with the dials. And that was it. Like the most rude event. It's the first game. What have you got near? Because you've got a man cave like,

no other. It's like, you know, when people go, I like an old fashioned, an old man's pub, he Mike's got the man cave version of that it's incredible nice so I've got a little Astro Wars on the bar there

which is like a it was it was the toy I couldn't afford to have in about 1982 yeah isn't that a lot of male adult life yeah going yeah this is my money now when we took off a little bit I bought himself a ball and a cup yeah yeah I always wanted one

you know how to follow me but see Dan going through Liverpool is just a hoop and a stick When I was a kid, I had a cup and a stone, but now I've got money. Yeah, I sit in it. A bit of string in between as well. Fucking great stuff.

But I think it is. I think it is, I don't think midlife crisis is a midlife crisis. I think it's, I think you've finally got a bit of money and you can afford to buy the toys you couldn't buy when you were little. A hundred percent. Yeah. I'd like to sports car at 21, 22. I just couldn't fucking afford it.

I've got all the cars one that would ever buy. I got, you know, the motorbikes and all that stuff. And it's not like... Do you buy the motorbike? Yeah, yeah. What are we talking? I got a Harley. Because I always want that a Harley

and now we can afford a Harley. And it's got like a purple spangly tank and white wall tires and ridiculous. How often do you ride there? Twice here. I'm not seeing back. But you feel fucking incredible.

It's there, wouldn't it? It's in my bus. In the back of the bar, there's the Harley there. That's so cool. You know what I mean? Yeah, this is the thing people don't understand because I'm quite materialistic.

I like buying stuff. I like having things. I don't mind admitting that. Like everyone's like looks at materialism. I'm like, it's like the worst thing. I like having stuff. Yeah, why not? Yeah?

So, like, my message recently was like, you don't use that coffee machine anymore. Like, we should sell the coffee machine and put something else there. I'm like, I like looking at it. It looks nice. It looks like a coffee machine should go there. Ad, you never know, ad.

I bought a really nice guitar. We went to London to buy a guitar, right? Yeah. Made out this Gretsch guitar, I loved it. I'm a shit guitarist. I can't play, right? But I said, that's beautiful.

Well, online, gone, right? There was one for sale in London, second end. Took a train to London, bought the guitar, came home, just put on a stand in the spare room, painted the room too much to the guitar, and left it there, just looking fucking nice.

That is incredible. Well, then a year ago, I took my daughter for her 13th birthday to Liverpool, she's a big Beatles fan, right? I bought a little acoustic guitar from the Beatles shop with, like, Abbey Road on it. I thought it just put on a wall in the house. She didn't play guitar, right? She came home, she's had to learn it herself,

and then she, and I gave my old acoustic, she had to go on that. She said, Dad, can I play your Gratch? I said, yeah, Philly Butts, no problem. So I guess paid a lot of the time now. But that's not why I bought it. Well, it'd you look nice. I thought you're about to say, no,

can you fuck? That's for the spare room. I did for the first two or three weeks when she was shut. I said, no, baby, you're not.

But then I thought, come on. You painted the rooms and match it. That is, I aspire to that. Oh, you've got to do it. Yeah,

I'd love to do it. Yeah, I qualify for matches like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Buy clothes to match living rooms and living rooms to match clothes. Yeah.

You buy clothes to match your living room? Yeah, I saw like oranges and browns, so I got like orange and brown wallpaper. All mid-century stuff. I like, you know, I live this in my house. If you ever get rid of this, let me know. Right?

But I got a lot of orange furniture, brown furniture. I got a nice big orange sofa. But I wear like nice orange and brown shirts and brown cords. You're gonna me? You used to need to go for a pint. Honestly, like I'm looking at it. I'm like, this is my style icon, you're gonna me? It's like you're doing the cover of Vogue,

but you're just having a cup of tea in your front room. Yeah, I know. Yeah, but you You want to match your vibe, don't you? Do I mean? No. I can believe that you do. I have never thought, oh shit, I'm going to be sat in the living room today.

What am I wearing to match the walls? But it's class that you can appreciate it. I sort of got a Rockweiler because it matches me sideboard. These shoes, right? I love these shoes. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. He looks, like him sat against the sideboard, he looks class.

He's black and brown. He's got loads of warm browns, loads of teak. You know, You know, in a hardwood. I can't believe that. I can't believe that. That is true, isn't it? And that's what, like, a Bernese mountain dog

would have been good as well. That was, like, top choice of Bernies. Sounds like a full-on Nazi rally to me. Brown shirts, everyone in brown shirts, big Alstations everywhere. Mike, the shoes are a strong look. Yeah, yeah. Adam's gone with a strong-luck shoe today as well. I've not seen that.

Do you know what? I saw a pair of those in black leather, but they were Dr. Martin? No, they're powder boots. I had Dr. Martin once. Yeah. Almost identical to that. I love them.

I should wear them with jean shorts when that was all right. Yeah. Holy fuck. What of fucking image that is. Oh, I became less gay then. So I'm a bit OCD. I really like these shoes.

So I bought another pair exactly the same. And then I bought two other pairs. So I've got four pairs of these exactly the same shoes. Same color? Everything. No, I think there's nothing wrong with this.

I've got repeat, Once you've got something and you've got a bit of tism, you like it and you think, well, if this gets lost or scuffed or damaged, you've got the other pair. Instead of going back online going, oh, it's not. Yeah, yeah, they're gone. Yeah, so I got four pairs of these. Then this morning, I couldn't find the pair that I'm currently wearing.

Didn't really want to break the box on it on another pair. So I put a pair of Adidas, Beckhambauer trainers on. I thought, you're full of no one, mate. What did you think? A German centred half. He just looked like a German center of. I just thought, fuck it, I'm not, I can't, I cannot go out. Meet Adam and Dan, we're in trainers.

It looks like I'm trying to add. All right, kids. She must have cream loafers on to try less hard. Baseball cap, fuck off. I like the socks as well, socks are jazzy. Are they all right, isn't they? Yeah, yeah, I like that. Yeah.

I think socks are an underutilized way to spice up your outfit. You can have a little pop of color. Just a little. But you've gone bold. I mean, fair play, you've gone sandals, but obviously not with socks. You're not, no, I mean, yeah. Yeah. Just, I want to let me feet breathe a bit, you know, play five aside.

Last night and they were still a bit warm this morning. That's nice to do. Yeah. Hang on, most of your clothes are a pop-a-court. The colourful socks is usually like a TV presenter or like a city businessman that has to wear that shitty uniform and then, like, a bit of character, pink socks. You two are a fucking colour chart. Yeah, but that's fine.

This is quite a neutral top, in it? Yeah, by that cardigan. This is a neutral top, neutral hat, neutral earth-coloured pants, dark brown belt, dark brown sandals. I think there's a question, right? My phone. The khaki or sand-coloured trousers, right? Which I think on the spectrum is also like,

let's go light grade all the way to khaki. Yeah. Problem with that that I have. I think we all know this. I've turned 50 now. Yeah, I know where you're going. Dribbly cock. Worst, worst thing ever.

Even your thirties, Mike. Is it? Yeah. Even your 20s for Harry. If you're at a wedding and all the groomsmen are wearing, like grey suits. You just know they're going to be... Full of his.

Their dicks are going to be waving into the hand dryer most of the night. So... If you ever rubbed your crotch under a hand dryer at a wedding? Yeah. Of course you fucking have. Absolutely not.

Of course you have. You've never dried a suit like that? I'll put my dick in a dice and airblade, yeah, of course. We just want to feel alive, right? That's fair enough. So any trousers... If I ever have a day

where I'm wearing trousers, like I am today, that would show up a fleck of piss. What are you doing? So if I've got like, you know, a pair of raw denim's on, I just fucking let it get, right? Do you know what? Just pissing over yourself?

There's a bit of piss. There's a bit of piss. Yeah, yeah. It's just pissing. Lime on the floor, pissing in the air of them. If I've got these on all day, every single wee I have is a sit-down wee.

Yeah. And then you just, you just wait until, you give it a good 30 seconds after you finish pissing before you even think about standing up. So I've had four sit-down pisses since I got in today. 80% of my wees are sit-down now.

But if you really, And I like that are you sitting down in like pub toilets? No, probably not in a pub now. You can't sit down in pub, no. No, you'd never come back. You can't. I've asked a shit in there, so. Oh, I had a shit in Charlotte Church's mother's pub. For that pub at the end.

It's never been said. I had the shit, so I've been, I was drinking pear cider for the first and last time in my life. Shit in his mum. It's pub. I was drinking a pair cider for the first and last time in my life. And I followed through. I thought, fuck, I've shut myself. In Charlotte, Cherokee's mother's pole.

I went to the toilet, lot myself in the cubicle there, took my jeans off. Off? Yeah, off. Well, I've shot myself at. They're gone. Yeah, I took them off, took the pants off.

I thought, fuck me. There was no bin in there. The window's welded shut. I don't know. I thought, what am I going to do? I've washed myself. I've cleaned myself. To the best of my bed.

but I've got a sore pair of underpants but the jeans back on what are we doing these? I can't walk out with them no. I've been to see him I can't leave them in here what am we to do with them? In the system off oh god top back I know awful awful wow they might still be there they might still be there

a toilet's not flushing properly Charlotte I know she's there get a daughter she does the problem Charlotte church is like Tom Finney she's got a job on the side yeah yeah excellent call back then

She's a millionaire She knows cleaning bags Is the sale of the pub Like a thing like I'm Charlotte Church's mum Is that like a known thing? Oh it's just a known thing It's just known luckily yeah Is there any like Charlotte Church

Superfan pilgrimages? Not really, nothing like that No I was expecting a bit of stuff And I want nothing particularly Is she ever in there Charlotte? She's been in there Yeah

I got a piss next to you in his lot once Is that related to What's that? That's not related to Is Charlotte church with Ian Hizelot? Is this celebrity dating gossip? I think they've done

they done something like mock the week together on one of those programs. Have I got news for you? Yeah, yeah. I don't watch it. Yeah, I was just in there having a piss, mind of my own business

and Ian Islop walked him. Did he do the face? I feel like you tower over him. He's not a big man in every way. But, uh, no, I just want to say the purpose of a libel I didn't see his dick. I've never seen him stood off. I've never seen his legs

I'm not like I've ever seen his legs I'm stood up that's how small he is everyone else I sat down I did try to break the ice with him but I just panicked a bit it was pretty sort of comedy days for me so I wasn't used to meeting people like that

so he sort of out of piss and he said alright Ian he went hi yeah what are you doing on here he's like I'm having a piss yeah I should shut up now getting recognised in toilets

is always unnecessarily awkward in it follow me to the fucking toilets last time went out with my wife. He said, I'm a big fan of your podcast. So, thanks, great. Yeah, grab a selfie. Say in a minute, yeah. So I go in for a piss. And he did, he did his lap. He's on the next one to me. He's going, yeah, yeah, yeah, I've been a patron mate since day one.

I said, fantastic. I really appreciate you. Thanks very much for all your sport. I said, could we have a chat after? I've just got my dick around as all, you know. And he wouldn't let it go. I was absolutely desperate to go for a number two recently. Out? Yeah.

Fair play. Sit down. I was in the Monroe. He stands up for a shit, that's the thing. And I went, so their toilets just have, I think it's just one cubicle. And if there's someone in there, you're just done. So I went to the bar and I was like,

could I have the radar key for the disabled toilet just quickly? And they were like, yeah, they'd get me out. You go into your fake limp, did he? Yeah. Thank you, cheers. And as I went to go in, a lad come over and I was like, Adam, can I just get a quick picture?

And I was like, I'm very clearly about to do something that I really need to do. And he's like, yeah, just quit. I was like, no, like, in a minute. Like, I'm going into a, like, just use your head. And he's like, oh, lad, I'm going to be getting off in a minute. So I was like, well, I just had to shut it.

I was like, I'm going to poo during the selfie. You've got to be nice to people because we've both got nice listeners. But, and usually that's perfectly fine, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sometimes. I got recognised in a toilet with Harry at a wrestling event. And I was using the urinal. And there was a cue for the urinal.

So I'm like, oh, that's Carl from Mavoward. And they were talking about me in earshot. Oh look, it's just like one of us. I was like, I'm just having a piss. What you think I pissed like fucking at my ass or something? Yeah, I mean, too. People have such a strange perception.

I was sat outside Petit Cafe on Lark Lane and some lab walked past them and went, oh, Adam Brow having a pint like a normal person. Just having a pint of line. It's like one of us. Yeah, like piss in there, Ireland. Well, someone's a piss. Yeah.

Just like, one of us, well, yell, salt to the earth. He's sitting out of his own cock. You think he'd have a stunk right now? Someone else's cock kissing for me, yeah? Wipe at his own house, if you please. It is, Matt, when people talk about you within ear shot, have you? Yes, I fucking hate it.

Weird. I think I'd almost prefer it if they would be in horrible. If someone was going, I fucking hate that. Adam, no, he's a knobbed because I could laugh and make a joke about that. But when someone's just going, oh, I like him, he's funny. I like his stuff. You can't turn around. You can't be asked.

Thank you. my penis out. Yeah, you're kind of not going to be act, haven't you? Yeah. And then go, oh, boy, fucking hell, I didn't see us there. You can't be like, what, me? Yeah.

It's the worst. I got recognised in, what's the new warehouse? It's Iceland, but it's called the food warehouse, I think. It's the fucking class. And I saw them clocked me, two young lads working there.

And they went, are you from the podcast? And I went, oh, yeah, you went, oh, yeah, yeah. Didn't say much. And I was only like three or four steps away. And I heard one of the go, yeah, that's the unfunny one.

Oh. And you like, thanks, boys. Cheers, boys. That's not fair. Lard.

That stinks. I'll take my chicken nuggets to go. I was in Mahuntleth, comedy festival last weekend, doing a couple of shows up there. How was it? How is it? Great.

Henry's done a great job. It just goes from strength to strength. It's lovely up there. I was doing a show of Rock Gilbert on Saturday night. we did a bit of a cancer fundraiser thing, right? So I'm doing it for nothing anyway, right? My wife and kids are there. I'm sitting outside and bloc him.

I said, oh, yeah, Mike, are you doing the show? I said, I am, yeah. Oh, I'll live here to see you. He said, oh, can I have a selfie? I said, if you want, yeah, no problem at all. Selfie. And then his wife went, should I know who you are? Yeah.

I thought, fuck off. We said this last week. We were talking about this last week. When someone comes over to you and you have a lovely interaction with them and then someone with them acts like you've gone over going. Like, I fuck, I'm like I'm a diva.

I go, fuck off. Yeah. Who are you? Should I know where you are? Maybe not. I don't even know you. Yeah. But then it's the people who don't know you

who then get a picture with you. Oh, I say no. I'm the fucking worst. They're like, oh, I don't know who are. Are you famous, mate? No, not really. I've said no. Photograph.

Like that. Because I've had people come over and do the whole, am I meant to know, yeah, who are you, a lad? And I'm like, I do stand up, sorry. He watches me stuff. Oh, can I get a picture with you as well? And I go, no.

Good. What for? Yeah. Yeah. There's a picture of me and someone I don't know. You might know them. Just fucking say. No, lads.

I've got a radar key for the reason. Oh, I was so desperate to go for the shite that day. I was, it was such an emergency. He's like, well, that's picture? It's just can't happen. There's nothing worse, though, is there? I haven't done one alfresco since university days, but I mean. Alfresco?

Outside? Oh, yeah. What? Like outside, poo? Well, you have to sometimes. Do you? I'm for years and years, but I mean, yeah, 25 years ago, yeah. Yeah, I haven't since January.

You know. You've outside pooed. Well, I was on a fucking bus for like three hours. Come back on rugby game. Desper for a shit. I didn't live in halls. So we get back to Holes of residence, but I don't live there. I thought, I've really had a shit.

I thought, fuck, I'll get home. It's only half an hour from me, I'll get home. But I've been out all day. I've had a few beers. Well, it's not, this is not happening. And I had a shit in a public park. But it's fine. Absolutely fine.

It's night time. It was night time, yeah. It wasn't like an afternoon kickup or anything. And the other time, I watched the, I took us to watch Rolling Stones back in 1990, I think it was, and maybe 91.

And they cancelled the gig last minute, so we went at the pub and just went on an all day and said, listen to Rolling Stone stuff in the beer garden. Got really pissed badly. And we were staying back at my, Nick was staying in my place. And there's a field

at the end of my dad's street and I sort of walk into the field. I said, I need a shit. He said, you live a hundred yards away. I said, no, but I need a shit now. Sometimes, sometimes. Your asshole knows that it's close as well.

It's like, ah. Nearly there. I'm too excited. So I had to go, I just shit in the field. And then one of my neighbours was walking the dog. But it was dark, thankfully. So Nick would have pretend that I was a dog. Should I just ask her if she had any poo bags on her and just pick it up?

This is pre-pooh bags, mate. To hear it, it looks like you've left your house to go and poo in the field. With your mate, the shipper out. Come with me. I'm scared of the dark. Keep an eye, mate, will you? You mentioned the Roland Stones

cancelling a concert there This is going to be a smooth Have you seen loads of like Tours are getting cancelled Because like Artists are proper and overpricing themselves Pussy cat dolls Pussy cat dolls have cancelled

The tour The whole tour They've not cancelled the UK They've cancelled their American tour I saw Blackies I went to see Blackies In an arena A few years ago

And it was like Ooh This isn't an arena Amount of people And their next tour Was the same arena And they didn't even get close It's like

Someone's really illivise you there. Don't rubber them, but you. It's, yeah, apparently they've gone in and like, oh yeah, Pushing of Goddolls are back together. Everyone will be excited about this. So 300 quitter, and everyone's gone. That's too much show in it.

No. Fuck me. They were the first band they ever, the first music I ever saw live with the Pud's God dolls. Band. Are they a band? Girl band? Yeah.

They count as a band, but not. They're the first music ever saw live. They haven't got the affection to do a nostalgia tour at 300 quitter ticket. No. I think when Taylor Swift's knocking about, that's the ticket that defines three years when you go and see live music if you're into it.

Like, her hospitality ticket that we got was $2.50. So what's a... For the biggest artist on the planet and of her generation at her peak. It's just mad for them. That's crazy, pricing. Yeah. Yeah, places I've gone ridiculous.

But haven't they ruled that it was a monopoly between ticket master and Live Nation? Yeah. Hasn't been ruled that it was a monopoly. Could possibly comment. No, neither could we. That doesn't sound right. I'm sure one of those companies is doing great work.

Has your music taste stayed with the 60s and 70s? Because I know you're a big Elvis fan. Is it stayed there, or do you venture into modern stuff? I like a bit of modern stuff, 80s as well. Because I was at a teenager in the 80s, so a lot of 80s stuff, a lot of 70s stuff. My daughter and I'm, my little girl there. I don't know because of me or whatever,

but like a Spotify do this age. You've seen your Spotify age? Yeah. She's like 78. He's 13. He's like the old stuff. It was probably like rock and roll 50s stuff as well. That's great.

Isra was in his 80s, I think. He listened to like Haitian Creole music from the 20s. Well, the last two gigs I booked the sea with her was got cancelled. So with Billy Joel in Liverpool. Yeah, I was going to that. I got cancelled. And then I had Neil Young in Cardiff, cancelled.

Gutted. Why did Billy Joel cancel? He's not well. He's ill. Yeah. And he's not buying tickets for pensioners, eh? I mean, it was delayed and now it's cancel because he's not going to see.

whenever the no, I think he's he's just not performing anymore. It's from saying he wouldn't be able to Yeah, he would, you know, not be able to... But you can still go and see Frankie Valley whenever you want. Oh, Jesus Christ.

Have you seen the videos? Yeah, yeah. Can see the ghost of Frankie Valley. But also they then release a statement by Frankie Valley to prove that he's perfectly fine. I thought like, yeah, like no one else can type that, could they? That couldn't possibly happen. He doesn't move his lips when he sings?

He's a human speaking spell. He can see? Have he been to Grace Land? was it like? I was 19 fucking epic, yeah. I did, but I didn't understand geography. It was pre-Google, it was pre-internet. It was pre-mobile phones.

A girlfriend at the time that I was with, her cousin got married in Toronto. I was 19 and I thought, oh, North America, I got a Graceland. Right? Easy double? Yeah, double up. So we flew to New York

and then we got a train because I thought to save a few quid to New Orleans, but that took about 32 hours. And then we got a train from New Orleans to Memphis. Went to Graceland, two nights in Memphis,

then we got a train to Chicago that took fucking ages, trained to Detroit, trained at Buffalo, and then we got a bus to Toronto for the wedding. And then you got back in the UK yesterday after all of that. What time I got back?

They were divorced. What was Graceland like? Oh, epic. I mean, I've loved Alas since I was a kid, right? So the weirdest thing is, it's not that big. It's like a nice size four bedroom house, like a double bayfronted four bedroom house,

but with the big door. You know, and you walk in there and you just think, literally, you touch his door handle and think, Elvis's door, not? Elvis just touched his door, not? Yeah. Elvis is brushed against this wallpaper. Let's see, it was a bit weird. Well, I haven't been back since,

but I'm thinking next year, there'll be 50 years next year since he passed away. You know, if you'd ever want to save money though and stuff like that, just find out, like, somewhere he played in the UK. Like, maybe he played the Hammersmith Apollo. Go to the pub next door. And just, like, he probably went for the pint before

or after the show, didn't he? Never came. Never came. It's a very valid point, except all of their, Elvis Tism has been set off. He never came to the UK because of his manager.

Never gig does show the USA? It wasn't loud, was he? No, because of Tom Hanks. Sorry? Tom Parker. Tom Hanks in the film. Oh, okay. Watch the film, the film's great.

Have you seen Priscilla as well? Yeah, but have you seen the new Elvis film? Epic. Oh, the live one? Oh, no, it's a good. Chef's kiss three times to cinema one week. Oh, sick.

Oh, yeah. What were your thoughts on the biopic a couple of years ago? Because I'm a bit hesitant to some of massive Beatles fan. I think it was great. I'm a bit. I loved it. Nervous.

Again, I watch that three times in a week as well. He's so good at it as well. Baz Luhrman, the way he's twisted it and given it a little, you know. Apparently he couldn't change his voice for ages after it, could he? What's the name about that? He did a great...

I tell you what a good actor he is. I started thinking, how is he played Elvis? Elvis is like the sexist man overlived. You're not a sexy man. By the time he's in the white jumpsuit in the sort of international. I had a fucking bono in watching him. Did you like Jacob Aloady's?

Yeah. In Priscilla. Do you like his Elfellie? Elvis. A bit tall for me. Elvis is six for two. Yeah, but Jacob Blas, like six, six, and he? Like, I suppose it wasn't about him, but I, like, I like, Elvis's music and I don't know it inside out, like a fan like you, but, like, his, like,

start, like, really, like, interests me. Oh, I love him. Yeah. So I always do the, when I, before I started doing comedy, actually, I was doing an Elvis tribute act. I was still teaching, and then I stopped, I stopped playing rugby on the weekend, which paid me a few quid. But I wasn't doing that, so I thought, well, I came a few quid short now. So I started doing like an Elvis act

going around the South Wales valleys playing like working men's clubs In the EU I see an Elvis comedy Tributes act in Tenerife Into a little bar in Tenerife They had a Elvis comedy night And it was a fellow coming out

And he'd do He'd do like three one liners And then he'd be like right And now he's If you don't know me by now And he'd sing you know Oh God I want to Yeah

It was that sexy I'd probably want to swing for it to be honest. There's a tour at the minute that's Elvis front in a Nirvana tribute band. Yeah, do you know that fucking idea?

I got to be in a couple of mates of mine. If you're from Barry in South Wales, right, everyone's into heavy metal music as well, right? It's a big heavy metal part of the country. Okay. So we put it, me and my mate Dave was a drummer, my mate, uh, die was a bass player.

And we, there was a studio in Barry, we used to go in now and again. I said, we started doing, um, Elvis songs in like a heavy metal style. Let's call it like Elvis rocks,

good name. and then the Elvan I think they called do they? Yeah. That came around about six months after that I thought you fucker They've been watching us You've done a Trevor Noah

They nick my stuff Trevor Noah nicked your stuff Not for me to say You keep saying things mate Not for me to say Do you think there'll ever be a star That's got his level of stardom No

Again Well it was him And then Michael Jackson And then it stopped The Beatles in the middle Yeah I mean, the Beatles are massive, right? The thing with Elvis is, you know, he'd be 91, if he was alive now.

I mean, you've been an old man, but people are still packing out cinemas and stuff. It's weird. Yeah, but do you not think he'd have lost something to that? Like, there's some, the legend is added to if you die young. Yeah, yeah. Also, all of you. Frankie Valley. Like, they all started in groups.

Do I mean, there's the Beatles, the Jackson 5. There was no Elvis 5, was there? Not that we know of. there was the hillbilly cat and the blue moon boys when they first started out the what? He was called the hillbilly cat and the blue moon boys but very, for only for a few months

and then they changed. So Elvis. Then they were like this kid. It was Elvis and the Jordan Ayers and then it was just Elvis. The Jordan Ayers. One word. He's head of his time, man.

Not the Jordan Airs. That would be even better, wouldn't it? Elvis invented the Jordan Air. The genius. Fucking genius. They wouldn't show us legs on telly? because he was that sexy. Yeah, true.

They'd only shoot him from the waist off. Yeah, had anyone actually danced with their crotch before in the history of man? No white people. I think he was accused of like trying to do black person dancing. Apparently he appropriated their music and made the, like, you know. Oh, I'm not going to criticize. I'm trying to do their comedy, so it's fine. Say, well?

Well, they're doing my comedy too, so don't worry about it. All right, Trev, you watching? I don't know what this beef is, but. But he was. band venues are like stop doing that dancing because the women are literally losing their fucking mind. We haven't got enough west floor signs, hell. It does happen.

Hell. Hell. I know him. You're two movers? Huh? You movers on the dance floor? I'm very play safe me. I'm very...

It's okay. Dan's a mover. I'm here. You can move, Dan's a mover. Can I move? Hips don't lie. Oof. Are you moving, Mike?

It seems like you are. Oh, fuck, I know, big time. Yeah. Have you got the hips? Oh, yeah. Are you first on the floor at a wedding? Always. And last off.

That's the important bit. Snake hips. Last off. Yeah, first on. And then everyone else gets on. You know what? Generally, I was in a silent disco

about five years ago. We did a thing called Tourist Trap and we wrapped on that. And then the girl who played my wife in it, she's great. Mari, we were out with this silent disco together. It's probably like a glitter disco, you know what I mean?

Really cool 70s disco type thing. and there's a makeup girl so I'll have the disco doing makeup of her people I said just do just glitter my mustache for me she'd be in there about an hour she went she said can I tell you something I said yeah

she said everyone else in here hears the music but you feel it I'm like that at a country concert it just gets me you know yeah I love it man nothing like it just let yourself go yeah let's dance like no one's watching

dance like every fucker's watching I had the twist on that It was dance like you're blind Yeah Yeah yeah You can't see what anyone thinks No Do you keep walking into stuff though

Yeah yeah yeah About dance like you deaf Can't hear what anyone thinks Good idea That is true Yeah Yeah Yeah

They could be going You shys And you just think they're going You see That's rough down in the dance clothes And shout You shat

And then Chris McAausland Won a dancing show And he proved me right Yeah Fucking hell That's amazing that Yeah he's such a nice bloke, Chris.

Yeah, he's boss. When he was down in Cardiff a couple of times, we gig together. And then my kids were a little at a time, and he was still doing, like, uh, kid's TV as well. So I said, you want to go meet the, I remember his character was called out of, like a fruit and red shop, didn't he? Gept getting robbed.

He was, uh, no. He was in Cardiff, I want to go meet him. So, uh, we went for breakfast, and then I took him and his dog and my boy up to the park. We stayed over the dog for a couple of hours, and then I dropped Chris back at the hotel. the next time I saw him, I said, do I am, mate? I said, where's the dog?

He said, I have to get rid of the dog. I said, what? He said, yeah, he said, the dog walked out in front of moving traffic. You know, the dog fucking forgot how to be a guide dog. I said, you're kidding me. He said, no, I said, and once that happens, they can't be a guide dog anymore. They go and live in a fucking house somewhere, you know,

do dog stuff. I said, well, don't they give you a new dog? He said, no, you go back of the queue again, then, because you've had a dog. They give you, like, a defective dog. Oh, wow. You can have it for a while. He walks in front of a bus

and they got to wait for another fucking dog. It doesn't seem what? That's mental. You can get like a faulty dog. The guy dog was like, yeah, you're good to go. Yeah, just a, you know. Hello. Yeah.

Who story? Bad dog, bad day, the office for the dog there. Yeah. I didn't think, I don't know why I thought this, but I just didn't think that was possible. Because surely that's day, if that's ever, like, possible to happen. Well, that's why they don't give you a second chance, I think.

You do, what's your guy be fine next time? I suppose it's made that one. How many blind people die every year because their guide dog walks in front of traffic? Whoa.

Google that, have a look at that. Because it must be like in the tents. Must be minimal. It's quite rare that a dog don't function as a dog. They're so, they're so trained.

Turn them off. Back on again. Aren't guide dogs being phased out a little bit? I don't see him as much. Guide robots now. Yeah, that's what I mean. I don't know why, but the ONS don't track this.

They don't track the amount of people I'm better in the days, I mean, that's why. Big guy, dogs had a word, that's why. We was like, wait till the day when the guy, so, I always think it's so impressive John, they got like the stick. Like the thing, and they just put it in front of them and they basically just maping the world out.

He was walking on the main road, but there was like a cordoned off seating area for a bar, and he just walked into that and I just walked to the end of it. And I was like, do I help him? Do it, like, is it like me being a bit, maybe, maybe, um, condescending. I was like, mate, you,

you've got yourself trapped there, lad. You went to, oh, fuck, now, thank you so much. And, like, found his way out. It's like, the bravery to go out with just a stick. It's mental. I wonder if you'd still be there, if you hadn't stopped in? Yeah.

Imagine you did it have to be one three weeks ago. Do you remember when we went for lunch? Oh. And that cafe, one of the best things of ever seen. It was a fellow, I walked around with a blind guy stick. And then as he come around the corner,

and obviously it's because they're still sensitive to light. But he come around the corner and the sun came from behind the clouds and he went like this. So he's using his stick and he went, I know. It just looked. It was perfect. Fucking insane.

My mate Steve runs a tribute festival down in Aberystraith, right? It's a fantastic weekend, right? Nice part of the world, nice food, nice beer, nice everything. We could a campsite. But I was done three or four years ago with him. And I'm listening for a while. So we were on a chat. But he's running the whole show.

There's a little walkie-talkie on there. He said, I said, what for? I got to get Stevie Wonder on stage. Fucking genuinely, right? So I just stand there. And he's the father of something like Birmingham, right? He's got to lead him on by the hand, like, and sit him down at his piano.

So when he came off, I said, is he really blind? He said, no. I said, fuck it off. Did you see, who was, and who tested them on stage? Was it Lady Gaga? Waves for him? Waved.

She waved at him from the stage. And he's obviously stood there looking and the person goes, oh, she's waving. wave back. People are saying it was their test and whether he'd go, oh, man. The commitment to the bit. There's loads of rooms.

He kept checking his fucking watch. Didn't he get in a lift? By time, lover. Isn't this force he's robbing in a lift? And he like picks the number of something? Yeah. Yeah, there's loads of little instances where he brings him.

Imagine living alive of 60 years. There's loads of like anecdotal evidence. people like just being like, Stevey! He's like, all right, bro. John, like that it's like he knows.

Driving an Uber. Right, Stevie? Steve! Put some music on drive. I'll share you more again. Shall we have a break by? Let's have a break. Mike, you are going out on tour,

doing a stand-up tour. I know you're in Liverpool on the 20th of September at the Philharmonic. Yes. What's the, tour, where's it going? What's it called? Nice.

Based on the fact that I'm pretty much an ideas, man. I don't finish a lot of stuff. I've great ideas, but I'm not really a finisher. You'd fit in well. I think there's a lot of comics like that. I think me and Mike might have to become best friends, you know. I don't think you'd arrange anything. No, we won't arrange it.

Idea, yeah, philemonic live post, it's the first gig, and then I'm all over the UK then, Wales and England and Scotland and Scotland. You played the Philharmonic. on up before? No, never. It looks amazing. It looks amazing. I do love that. My daughter really wants to go live in Liverpool. That's her plan. She announced you that day. Dad, I'm going to move to Liverpool and I'm 16.

Is that right? Yeah. I said, you're not doing that, by the way. I am. I said, well, you're not. How is that going to work? I'll pay for it myself. That's not going to work. I said when you're 18, you've got to go to Liverpool. It's fine. She has been in school. It's all 18, though, isn't she? 16 in Wales. Oh, is it still 16 in Wales? Yeah, you've got good. On the minds of 16. you got

it is 16 in Wales yeah it's 18 no yeah yes we can make more money for the English overloads keep it like let's do a question

when she was little when she was little for Welsh stereotype reasons right there's a place called Cairo Castle very nice done in West Wales

I recommend you visiting it and there's a mill like an old school water mill I used to make cotton back in the day right I took the kids

there when they were little. And my daughter almost lost her finger in like a reconstruction of a cotton mill. I said, imagine trying to tell my English mates and my daughter lost, my six-year-old daughter lost her finger in a mill accident. Seems right.

We've got a question. Go on. Layton says, if you could add a zero to any number in your life, where would you put the zero? So like if you've got one thing and it becomes 10? So you're 10 X. whatever it is.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've got it. I'll have two kids. I'll have 20. Oh, I think that would be fucking mayhem. Without any of the, if you're going to have kids,

two's a great number. Yeah. 20 would be colossal. I love being a dad. I love when kids are little. I love being, looking after him and having fun with them

and being a child myself. Yeah, but my wife had hell of time with both at births, you know. She'd just bang on a little bit, mind as well. But that'd be, yeah, 20 kids.

20 kids would be great. I've got a really good answer to this. Go on, go on. Add it to the amount of things I can add a zero to. Oh, this is the... Infinite wishes. What would you ask? What would you wish?

Infinite wishes. I'm going for my tennis serve speed. Right. Or he'd be the champion? Oh, he's getting back into tennis. Let's just stop fuck around and put on my bank account. End of my bank account. Yeah, but doesn't change it a little...

Well, changes by a factor of 10. Yeah. It does change it a line. Yeah, but I don't know what Finn's going to do with. 40 quiff. Like, say it, say, my serve now is about 80. 80, yeah.

Do you play tennis? Is it? I'm getting back into tennis. 80. Yeah. I've got a good serve. So you want to say about 800 miles. I think tennis is probably,

unless you're playing top level tennis, I think tennis is the shittest game in the world. Because you can't get a serve in. And you've got to chase the ball. No, you can't, Mike. No, I'm not. I did a fucking sports degree. I would say 99.9% of the people I've,

I've ever met in my life can't get a serving unless you do underarm, in which case, what's the point? Yeah, but his underarm serve is, I imagine, about 400 miles an hour. So not only is he going to win all the fucking grand slams,

he's going to kill a lot of ball boys on the way. That's true, yeah, yeah, yeah. 800 miles an hour? You'd win every title ever? Yeah, exactly. And then you don't need the bank account zeros because you're making loads winning fucking the French open. I think if you're serving the ball 800 miles,

you're breaking the sound barrier every single. I think the big four are saying no thanks me also though you'd have to win you'd have to break them at some point to win oh yeah I haven't thought about that bit can I just keep winning

you have to break at least the point it'd just be like the John is in the game where it just goes on and on and on good knowledge yeah but like he would never ever ever ever lose a service game and they would eventually get tired enough

yeah to lose one of their own it's good point it's good point I've added to the square foot of my garden. Feels like a wasted opportunity. Careful what you wish for. You can add it.

You can add the zero to your weekly, your monthly income, but you've gone, I just want a bigger garden. I was like to really boring answer. What about just the dimensions of your house? Does the garden?

No, because my garden is too small for the size of my house because we're extended and we're looking at new houses because I want a bigger garden. But if I can have my house in a bigger garden, it's win-win. Can I ask a question?

Who wants a bigger garden? You are the misses? Me. Well, that's all right then. And I don't want it to do gardening. We move for a bigger garden, right? My wife won't have the bigger garden. She doesn't do any of the gardener.

I do all the gardening. But what'll happen is you're a young man, right? I get a gardener. No, you don't need one. Because when you turn, what old are you now? 34. Right, 16 years time, you turn 50, God willing.

Right? You'd be banging into gardening. And you won't even know why you're into it. You'll be fucking into gardening and you will love it. And it's the weirdest, horriblest thing in the world. Are you into it? Massively into gardening. I'll spend six hours day in the garden.

Just like digging holes, isn't there? Fucking planting flowers looking after them, feeding things, putting up... Obscising about the lawn. Obsessing about the lawn?

I get it. I know, I can feel that happening at some point, but not right now, but I want a garden just because I want a big... I can't wait to do the lawn chat with you boys. No one's there with me yet.

I just want one of you to tip over and two. I just want it to be... I just want a son. You can practice me overheads me. Yeah, same. I love it. I don't know what the things I planted are called.

I buy him and I forget what they called. I don't worry about that. I don't worry about that. and they're looking great. So I did a little video last week, so that's lovely, I don't know what it's called. That's lovely, I thought what that's called. This is a nice plant.

I have no idea what it's called. Oh, yeah, but that's how I kill. But going to being curious, just picking which plants I'm buying to kill at home, basically. Because I plant them in the wrong place. Laura's like, you've not checked the label because some of them need to be in full sun and whatnot.

You're 40s. How old are you? I just want a lawn to be right. How old are? 45. There we are. You're young for it. It's like, I can't explain it.

Thank you, Mike. You'll turn 50. And he'll just know what to do. It just happens. Yeah? Yeah, there'd be no going back. A lot more pissing my car keys, but the garden will be amazing.

Oh, my car keys. Not my car keys. Honestly, I think you're pissed on your car keys. That's part of middle age. You piss on your car keys. So you're 10X and your kids. Your 10X and your 10 is served. No, I'm, in all seriousness,

10x in the amount of times I get sex a month. Oh, 10. Okay. 10 times zero. It's 10. No, I always get one in. Okay. Do you? Yeah, yeah.

I'd go with my handsomeness score. Yeah. Let's say most women see me as an eight or a nine. 80 out of 10? Yeah. Like, come on. You're walking on the street

and every single woman's just frotting. Look at that 80? Yeah. You'd be like anything you want. People don't, people talk about male privilege. You talk about white privilege. No one talks about beautiful privilege It's the biggest one.

It's the biggest one. I'm the only 80 out of 10. The limit for everyone else is a 10. I'm an 80. Even if you think I'm ugly, I'm a 4 am I? Well, I'm a 40 now. But everyone's going to find,

nearly every woman's going to fancy it. Is this changing your... But 10 X-Ex and a lot of books? Is it changing your face or is it changing what a woman would find attractive? Because he doesn't think you are an 80 out of 10. How much should be changing here? I mean, I don't know.

how it works, mate. I'm just answering the question. It's just going to be like a fucking links advert every time advert that Adam leaves the house. They're going to be running from the hills. My girlfriend, my wife now, but when she's my girlfriend, she's an attractive, very attractive woman, right? But I get, I get all the time,

I'm fucking on your punching. I'm like, fuck off, mate. Were you meant to be punching, though? No, but how am I punching? She's a very attractive woman, but I'm an attractive man. And girls always say, what do you want? A good sense of humor. Like, tick, right?

Six foot, tick. Yeah. I'm my own boss. I'm a great dancer. I'm a good dad. I'm a fucking great cuddler. I'm good in the sack. I'm fucking,

what's your? How am I punching? Mike, out of ten, what would you give yourself on the handsomeness? Handsomeness these days probably an eight, right? I'm serious.

You two need to stay away from each other. Never mind, hang out. I said back in the day, I was a high nine. When I do that scale, like one of the most beautiful, like David Gandy, do you know where he is? Fuck David Gandy.

But he's a 10, isn't he? It's not a 10. Yeah, Gandhi was a... Even than Gandy. Gandhi was a 9. He always had his toes out. But if he's 10, are you 8? I'm not saying you're not. No, not Gandhi.

Not Gandhi. Not Gandhi. I know fucking David Gandy. I'm the same person. I don't think fucking David Gandy went on an assault match to a fucking oppose British Imperial rule. I know Gandy is. Oh, you know, C. H. Yeah, Gandhi was a 7. So, okay.

David Gandy's not a 10 is what I'm saying. saying. Who's a 10 for you in the man? Austin Butler towards the end of the Tom Selleck in it? Yeah, close. Very, very close. As in like, it's like Prime Tom Selleck is right up there. I think that might be the best looking man of all time.

Prime Tom Selleck. When he's dead tall with his muzzy. He's a man in he. What about once upon a time with Hollywood era Brad Pitt? I think Brad Pitt is the guy. No, that is. He was on the roof of his top off.

Yeah. Fucking now. That's a 10. That is. Not even Fight Club Brad Pitt, no? No, no. Too skinny for me on that. plus one of the time in Hollywood he had some nice threads on I got a similar jacket one of my favourite films ever

That's a fantastic film I adore it yeah And he's in his own thing coming out He's one of those blokes As a straight man That if you were offered it on a plate With Brad Pitt Yeah

You'd have to think You know you'd have to give it a go Yeah just to say And my wife would even say You know I don't blame you Don't fucking blame you Exactly Joe's own thing coming out

What's his name The adventure Clint Boone Cliff Booth Cliff Booth Oh about the stuntman from the spiral carpets. About blood pit's

Carlin, well, because he, the real Cliff Booth, because I think the fight with Bruce Lee was a real thing, wasn't he so, yeah. Because he's a fucking,

he's a shister, or Bruce, he got all time for him. Yeah. But no time for Bruce Lee. Oh, fuck you. Yeah. Stefan picked once,

that B-water documentary as, as it was like the doc of the week, and there's Stefan and L were just wanking over over how great Bruce Lee is. I just fucking Bruce Lee.

You know, oh, it's great, great smash, I was all the time. I said, you know, He didn't have been able to fight.

He never had one fight. If you want to get some serious abuse online, slag out Bruce Lee online, see what happens to you. He got his own martial art, though, hasn't he? Well, fucking acting. No, he's in J-cundo, isn't he? Well, I can invite my own martial arts. What's it called, Mike?

What's it called, Mike? A kicky punchy. Right, and I'm the fucking best in the world today. He's a black. He's a mother. And so he never lost a fight. He said, actually, he was in the script. I said, the only time he's going to lose a fight,

if the script did ever say, Bruce Lee loses this fight. Then he loses the fight. So, like, Chuck Norris, is that the same? He looks, I think he's, I think he's the real deal, Chuck Morris. He's dead. He's dead a few weeks ago. I'm not saying he's not dead. I'm just saying he was the real deal as a fighter. Who was the real deal?

He's being good at MMA. It doesn't make you immortal. Bruce Lee's dead? I've been dead for years. Yeah, but Chuck Morris was a proper hard man. Yeah. Bruce Lee was a good actor. So who out of, like, the expendables is a proper hard man and who's a Charlton? Mickey Roe? Mickey Roe?

Yeah, he did a bit of the box in the 80s. He's kind of mad air, though. They're a bit in the 80s, didn't he? Statham. Statham's a diver, let's be honest.

Schwarzeninger. Yeah, strong. He, what, he was... He's strong. If he gets you in a bear hug,

you're struggling. Not now. I think I can probably punch Teddy Cruz as I didn't. I think he's like... You all right. I think he's all meat. Well,

the lineback of Trey Cruz. Yeah, but like the guy who, from Brooklyn 9-9. Yeah. He's a giant. I don't know, the guy that's...

Rips a fuck at 60. Yeah. There was a linebacker. I think it's all, it's all list in it. He's not doing much of this. Shadden Shar, he can punch his other. He's old.

Is that the same for the Rock then? Is he all that? No, the Rock could wrestle. He fought for a fake living, didn't he? Someone like... Is this your turn? Sam Elliott. No, thinking about hard guys on stage.

Okay. Is this Sam Elliott? Who's the guy in Roadhouse? The original roadhouse? The original one. Swayzy, but with Sam Elliott, wasn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you seen the new one?

I don't want to watch. I can't stand remakes. Don't watch the new one. It's hilarious. Conner McGregor in that. What are you doing? He's that bad. It makes the film great.

Is Connor McGregor in it? He's the, he's the, he's the, he's Sam Elliott. Is it out? Yeah, it's on Amazon Prime. I can't watch that tonight. Let's do some have-a-words.

I believe our guest, Mr. Mike Bubbins has his own have-a-word. Mike, we've asked you for a have a word. Have you brought one up from Barry Island? Thought I won. I thought of one on the way up on the train. Just, I've got to get in shape. We start filming in about six, seven weeks.

You know, 14 hour days. I can't be as unfit as I was the last time. This is season three about to start filming? Yeah. Class. So we, I was always in good Nick until I got to like mid-40s, then it all went down now.

I'm in hell of a bad state now. So last series I was in probably the worst shape of my life. The heaviest I've ever been was in the swimming. pool scene in the second series of mammoth when I got speed I was on but they put in the trailer when even my wife laughs when she sees it which is really crushing yeah because you used to be a high nine I was high nine I was a high nine uh who's portion cell so I'm trying to get fit again but the only fit in at the moment is to go early right so we've been getting about like five o'clock and then to get my steps and I walk to the gym train walk back so I'm home by seven o'clock I've done my 10,000 steps and

my workout right but that's only for necessity right my have a word would be those fucking assholes, right, who think because they get up early, it makes them somehow better than the rest of us. I don't want to be that, right? When you see these dick, say, who's the guy, who's the fucking fella? Mark Wahlberg.

Mark Wahlberg. Case in point, like, I get him at 3.40 the morning. I pray for 20 minutes, and then I have some, then I do this, and I go to the fucking gym. Fuck off, mate. If you're getting up early, all it means is you're going to bed early. And there's nothing on tell you in the morning.

Right? So you're going to bed a fucking seven o'clock at night, you miss all the good TV to get up a three o'clock of the morning when there's fuck all on. Right? And you need an afternoon nap at 10 in the morning. It's a fucking nightmare. You still have a seven hours sleep, man. You've just shifted it forward. You're not a fucking superhuman because you get up a four o'clock because you can

fucking bed before your kids. And you've lost prime time. Like, the best time of the day is seven onwards. Mark Wobbe never watched match of the day. Maybe the more than one. He's never seen the goal of the month competition ever. It's disgusting. You're watching fucking Gardner's weekly while I'm watching fucking Cojack. You know what I mean?

He's watching Holyo with the sign language on? Exactly, exactly, yeah. I'm watching the proper professionals. You're watching the one with the bloke on the side and all the stuff. I do hate people who think the best on you because they get up early. So now I do it now. I did a little video yesterday because I was going to the gym.

I said, listen, I don't want to be one of those wankers. I'm just saying this what I'm doing. And I'm doing over seven weeks because I don't need to fit it in. But after that, I'll just go back to being a normal person. Busy at the gym that early because that's, if you've got a 24-hour gym. It is fucking five o'clock club wankers. Yeah. No, that's like a thing now, I'm in the 5 o'clock club, mate.

What fucking big dog's dick? Well done. You're going to bed at the early club, mate. It's where you're in. You fucking weird. Yeah, what's peak? What's the best going to bed? No, what time do you wake up if you're not on set?

Like, what's your way up? What's your routine? What's my pubbing's routine when he's got no commitments? Nothing? It'd be watching telly till midnight. Yeah. Yeah. And then getting up about 7 o'clock.

Okay. Seven hours sleep, happy. A twice early. Yeah, but I've always been in early. I've always got up early. Because you better than other people. Of course, I'm better than people. No, because my fucking old man, never let me have...

My old man was, like, that generation who thought that having a lie in was, like, the worst thing you could possibly do as a kid. My dad used to be like that. Come on, get up, come on, get up. Oh, fuck off, it's Saturday. My dad had wake me up when he knew I was hung over and had nothing to do, just because he'd be like,

it's fucking 10 o'clock, you shouldn't still be in bed. It's like... Well, I got that at 7 a.m. Yeah. When I was a kid, like, 13, 14, 14 years of age, your old man, I'd wake me up at 7 o'clock on a Saturday morning, because I had rugby on a Saturday later on in a day

to go down to the butchers and the greengrocers with him to go and do the shopping and meet like his mates you know like his mate the butcher and his mate the fucking greengrocer, say like that. 7.30 in the morning, 14 years of age. Why? Teenagers actually do need to sleep more as well.

Like... Go and stop my dad that. I'll give you his number. I can't wait for my kids to get older because they're still doing the early, early wake-ups. I can't wait till they're fucking sleeping until midday. Yeah. Good. Freedom.

Lovely. my kids should have a line until nine what time has jack got up now 6.30 I'm enjoying having to get up at the minute so now I'm getting up between seven and eight lovely that's a good time

like even when normally when we're in here for 10 I would get up at nine leave it off nine be at sometimes on time sometimes five minutes late it is what it is he's a dog dad now though but like now dog goes to bed between 10 and 11 we wake him up

between seven and eight in the morning. That's the start of the day. And I'm enjoying just getting ahead of my day. So I'm doing with five because I have to. If you're going to have a word of somebody for me, it would be the, it would be, to give yourself that name, that five o'clock club. Yeah.

They're up there with fucking tough mudders, high roxers. He's done soft mother. I'm sure he has. Listen, I did soft mother for, why did we did it? Can I remember why we did it? We.

So we did it as a workplace. I hate the people who did it. I was shit, that's all right? Oh, that's perfect It was a fun day It was stupid But I was like,

well, let's get it I was like, Oh, let's... Highrox must have something though, because when people get into it they are fucking obsessed

I don't want to even dabble just in case I become one of those bell ends But it must be doing something because What's the other one

I'm thinking of? It is taking over. What's the one? Highrox is the one right now I run half marathons me is one That's my thing. Yeah, my wife did one of them.

He books a lot in. Adam did one of them as well. Well, that's enough, in it? Yeah. You've done it, though. That's more. I can never do that. But he has book two.

Three, in four. Yeah. No, people say to you, I say that. One in four? Book for the marathon runner you want to be. I could never do a half marathon, right?

Obviously, I could do one. No, I could not. I just don't want to do one. Yeah. I was talking to Steph about this in the pod, and I said, just get out of Saudi comfort zone.

I said, if I like my comfort zone. It's taking me 50 years to get in my comfort zone. I don't want to fucking zone. leave it now. Google comfort. That's what I want. It's a great zone to be.

That's what life is trying to do. You're trying to get... You're trying to air across to get comfortable and get happy. Where were those times when I was 40 and skin saying, get in your comfort zone? Get in your comfort zone. Get in your comfort zone. Get out of your comfort zone. Fuck you. We've got one from the listeners. Phil says, can you have a word with the mom of a girl that I sat in front of

in the theatre watching Mama Mia? the kid the kid sang every fucking word of every song the top of her voice so I spent well over 150 quid on two tickets to have a child shouts sing to the back of my head and fucking ruin it I get it you like the show but then watch it and tell your kid to shut up and watch it as well I think once especially a show like Mamma Mia

which is all about the Abba songs and the songs are so famous and everyone who goes like if you're going to see Mamma Mia now I don't think you're going on I wonder what they're going People are going for the nostalgia and the law and the everything else of it. And I think you have to just accept. People are going to sing along.

I don't know. What the, what the... I think it's out of order. To me, cinema etiquette is shut the fuck off. The cinema? It's a theatre. Oh, is it a theatre? Like a musical?

Oh, well, we ever wrote this into a cock. You don't go to sing the musical back to them. No, but when you're in the theatre, it's a bit more than... You know every single word to Hamilton, yeah? Yeah. You don't sing it, though. do you? He wishes he could.

You do it in your head? If I had the choice between going to one where you are allowed to do that and one where you're not, I would choose the one where you're... But you're not social paths, you don't. Yeah. If other people did it, you'd join in.

It'd have to be about 20... If 20% of the audience did they're joining. Yeah. Also, Hamilton is not as... I think Mamma Mia is much more mainstream and everyone knows the songs. Like, the songs, Abba songs, from...

Before Mamma Mia. Yes, like, Hamilton is a story told through songs. Mamma Mia is Abba songs with a couple of, and I'm going, says going,

shag him in a minute, in the middle, in it? Pierce Blasmane, he looks at me, car. I just think the attica for everyone's

got out of the window. With a through line. Yeah. Hamilton is a story told through song. If you're a comic and there was people and they'd seen you before

and they were repeating your stuff really loudly, getting the punch lines before you got to him, you think, shut up, mate. You know, you were at a comedy gig. Same thing you've had a live show, theater show.

Shut up, watch a show. But also, if you're singing, well, the Beatles, right? You love the Beatles. Yeah. They start performing live, obviously the Shea Stadium thing and all that.

But also, if you listen to them talking about it, when everyone is screaming their fucking ends off at a gig, you're supposed to be performing a gig. Do you know what I mean? I saw the Gallagher brothers watching a video of the Beatles playing live and they were like,

the fucking screamers, man. Oh, it was just, it was the thing, wasn't it, that teenage girls went and screamed at them. Yeah. That'd be such a nightmare if you were an adult Beatles fan and you'd save up. I like to watch.

There are screenings of films where it's a sing-along thing, isn't it? Yeah. They put that in the fucking class. That's a great idea. Loads of fun. But if it's one 10-year-old, battering the back of your head. I just think of the theatre as well, because it's live.

You're there for the people that have worked their ass off to go through theatre school or whatever and they've got it singing. 130 quid as well down the train. Should have shouted at the, would you shout at the, would you shout at the mum? or the kid. In this situation, I think it's the mum, because the girl doesn't know any better.

But you just go, hey, shush. Someone's, everyone's watching it. If you can't do that anymore, so when people know your face, even if it's just a few people know your face. And social media exists. I know, you can't bolog her 10 year old girl.

I can't do that now. No. Yeah, I love. No, but the mum should have done it. And that's what you're saying. Yeah, yeah. If I'd have done that when I was a kid, I was a precocious kid,

I understand the idea of being a show off and that, My mum would have fucking balk me. By the way, if I was this guy, because I know I sort of went against this guy, but if I was this guy and that's the only cunt singing, then I'd be like, hey, can you have a word about your daughter? I'm just assuming everyone's getting a bit involved here.

Maybe I'm making a false assumption there. I assume a Mamma Mia show. There's quite a bit of singy songy longies. Is that what happened? Singy songy longies. If you want to do that, go watch Abba Voyage. That's what I say. That's what I always say.

I think sing all the Abba sock. Just turn around in your seat and shout, sing it back to her. Mama me! You didn't really just fucking let her know. Do you know they're looking to do a Beatles, Abba Voyage? All the song. Do you know about this?

You know what Abba Voyage is? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So apparently the people who own the technology went to the Beatles and were like, do you want us to do one of these for the Beatles and the people who own the Beatles estate? It's Abba own half the technology.

So the people that run the technology went to the Beatles and they went, well, we'll just do it ourselves actually. Yeah. The elves has gone, hasn't he? Hasn't he got a live, something in London? I went to see him in, yeah, there's something like that. I went to see the one before when it was just him on the big screen

with his original band, when all his band was still alive. But that was 20 years ago. All those boys are dead now. Tupac was first. Did it at Coachella, like 15 years ago, didn't he? He was still alive, haven't he? That was just live, that was just him, won't it? Yeah.

It's just grown since dying. Was it a bigger version of him? Yeah, it was a big evasion than Tupac? Yeah, I don't think it was a five, foot, 11, two, two, I think they're bigger, aren't they? No, I think it was like a proper size. No, it was a life size. It just looks like that.

Amba Voyage just looks like them? The right size. It's unbelievable though. How big was two pack? It was like eight foot. The image will definitely be got a confabulated memory. I'm memory. No, it's the right height.

Yeah, two pack is, yeah, sorry, I've got a memory of it being. I think they're too tall. Seven foot BG two pack. Too tall. That's how you. Go see him on tour. The 8 foot two-pack tribute. Mike, it's been as well.

An absolute pleasure having you. Good luck with the tour. Good luck with season three of Mammoth. Go and watch it if you haven't already. Where is it? Where do you watch it? What's the... So, all I play and then I'll be out on BBC,

either one or two, it depends after Christmas. Plus. I'm on tour. Adamrodo.com.com. He's on tour. Dan Nightingale. Dot org. I'm on tour.

Dot gov, isn't it? On.gov. Mike Bubbins.com. Nice. Nice and easy. And have we got a song to play us out this week? Yes. This is Billy and the Finger Puppets

with their song, Jam. I hope everyone doesn't mind, but I've actually made a music video for Beautiful Morning this week from the Killy special. So it's some footage from the Kilimanjaro special. It's been white listed, hasn't it? So if there's others on the episode, it's Fins for it.

Again. It'll be the trailer, actually. Mine's being cleared. But yeah, it's beautiful morning. The link's in the description. had really nice response to it I think it's a really great song though

Billy and the finger puppets next week cheers Mike lovely boys bad Felicia