Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #383 with Rob Thomas & Danny McLoughlin - Have A Word w/Adam, Dan & Carl

Episode Date: May 30, 2026

Tickets, merch and loads more available on our website! https://haveawordpod.comHAW x Stars In Their Eyes Tickets: https://www.skiddle.com/e/42247092Tickets for Have A Word Live shows as well as Adam and Dan's tours and previews:Adam's Tickets: https://www.adamrowe.comDan's Tickets: https://dannightingale.comCarl's Stream || https://twitch.tv/senseicarl_Finn's Music & Tickets: https://finnlayk.co.ukFinnlay K - Beautiful Morning: https://finnlayk.lnk.to/BeautfiulMorningAs Adam and Dan said, don't miss out on all of our extra content, we've got one of the best value Patreons in the game. An extra 90+ minute episode every week plus loads of bonus content such as the now infamous Lockdown Lock-ins, the Nashville & Amsterdam specials and our Ghost Hunts! What are you waiting for? Sign up now at https://patreon.com/haveawordpod​Get subscribed to Have A Word Highlights: https://youtube.com/haveawordhighlightsListen to Finn's new EP: https://finnlayk.lnk.to/AllInYourMindThanks to this week's sponsors:Heights | https://heights.com/haveawordEnter code HAVEAWORD20 at checkout for 20% off your first month!Manscaped | https://manscaped.com20% off with promo code: WORD20NordVPN | https://nordvpn.com/haveawordEXCLUSIVE NordVPN Deal ➼ https://nordvpn.com/haveaword Try it risk-free now with a 30-day money-back guaranteeLovehoney | https://lovehoney.co/word_podcastLove how you love and take 20% off sitewide to unlock sexual happiness and discover a happier you with promo code: AFF-WORD20Saily | https://saily.com/haveawordDownload SAILY in your app store and use our code HAVEAWORD at checkout to get an exclusive 15% off your first purchase or go to https://saily.com/haveaword 🌍ADAM ROWE and DAN NIGHTINGALE are two award winning comedians from Liverpool & Preston, respectively. They are two of the UK's most highly regarded stand-ups and have both performed all over the world. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, leads, before we start this amazing episode, need to tell you about our patron is one of the biggest in the world for just £3 a month. You get an extra episode, the Patreon exclusive, every Wednesday. If you're enjoying the public episodes, you will love the patron exclusives. And then there's the full back catalogue of all the patron exclusives and the patron specials.

The patron specials are unbelievable. We've just released Kilimanjara, our biggest special yet. But we've got the whole back catalogue. It's about 50 specials now, I think. Two Amsterdams, Nashville, India, all the lockings. Yeah, and the TV show level standard stuff we do as well, like the Bake Off and other stuff. So we put one of those out a month.

There is a huge back catalogue. And if you become a Patreon, you basically get first dibs on live tickets. We've got all sorts of shows going on, not just podcast shows, but also mine and Adam's shows. If you want to come and see me do stand up. In August, I start Dan Nightingale Friends and Friends as a tour. Dan Nightingale.com. It's me doing the first half

and then Ishan's doing loads. Rob Mulholland's doing some Phil Nicol, Mark Nelson. About 32 dates around the country. Dan Nightingale.com for that. Adam is going on tour as well with fashionism, his new hour of stand-up.

And that is at Adamrove.com. com.com. You can go and see the dates and get your tickets there. Yeah. An absolutely brilliant stand-up and, you know, me and my mates are pretty good as well.

So, patreon.com slash have a word pod. That's it, really, isn't it? Enjoy the episode. I thought you did that really well. Thank you. Really smart. Sucking up to the boss as well.

Enjoy the episode. It's going to be a belter. Wagwaglids, you're listening to the funniest podcast in the game from the heart of Liverpool with Adam, Dan, Sensei Carl and Finn. This is the one and only. Have a word. This episode is brought to you by NordVPN. The very best in protecting your online activity.

Go, Ed. Get on me. Hey, there we go. Hey, uh, how are we? I keep saying, ah, yeah, right. Hello, I, yeah. I've done a silly last night.

I just, you know, when you're just watching a series and it got to like quarter past 12? I was like, right, I'm, it was the legend series on Netflix. The one where I could do it. What do you mean? I am from Bootle. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. God, the drugs are killing our kids. It's my... I am going to go undercover because I am from Boothel. So they've got real genuine scouse actors in it? Yeah. And then they've got...

By the way, the cast are all class. They're really good actors. But they've got genuine scousers in it. They've got a fella in it who is the most convincing scouse accents I've ever seen. The actors called Johnny Harris. He does a perfect scous

Scouse accent Like to the point where I checked where he's from Because I thought he's from Vazachim Like he must be But then they've also got people Where they clearly just ran out of scous They wanted to... But they're all talking to each other

Oh God So does someone talking like this Going oh lad you need to get around to bootle You know and like sort of docks out Because there's fucking two kilos Ahead of him coming in today And there's a fella going Okay I'll get over there now mate

It's just fucking wild Just don't make them scouse characters The trouble is... It's based on a true story. And I always say that. It really annoys me. I don't know whether we've mentioned it, but it really takes me out of a film

where they're like, why do you ever having a Boston accent? Just say that she's from Boston, but she went to uni in New York or she moved to New York and she was... There's a way that you can write around it, but this they can't because the whole point is that he's from there and he goes undercover.

The burden of the city as ours, the Ginger Girl. Yeah. With, um, what does me, my man? James has been. Yeah. She, her character

has got a Scouse accent but there's no backstory of her being a Scosa no, because her mum's in prison. It's like,

just say, yeah, I used to live in wherever I'm from. Yeah. Yeah, but no, I mean,

when the title of a show is this city is ours and it's literally been written and developed to Yeah, no, I love it, I love it, but I'm saying

it pisses me off more that she can't do the accent. Yeah, I just, I think they just, especially because Scouse, Georgie, Glasgow

and proper Cochney are so distinctive to the people from there. They need someone from those places in the casting process to go,

listen, you just can't quite do that. The difference is out of all them places you just met, I think only you lot are like, fucking shite that,

like proper kick. No, I don't know, you know. Hello, mate, the city is ours. The city is ours. No, but I mean,

like you, I only, I only see Liverpool people going, fucking Ali's accents of shit. Yeah. Yeah, I think that's just because a lot more stuff being made here at the minute. Like, if there was like,

the city is As Paul in Glasgow. That's the next look. Then I'd be in it. Because look, I can do it. Do you know what I mean? Oh my God. The drugs are killing our kid. Is Panama?

Studios coming back? Do the one on Edge Lane? What's me? Do you remember they got Ben? The old Littlewood's building? Yeah. Yeah. So there's going to be even more in the pool.

They've seen her? Oh, is that going to be a, It's an old film studio. It's gorgeous, all, like, painted beautifully, and it got bought by Panama. Then it burned down, like 10 years ago. I remember it. Littlewood.

The old Littlewood. It was going to be a major thing for the city, wasn't it? Like, Hollywood was going to start being shot in Liverpool. Like nativity. Richard is, though, like Batman and stuff? Yeah. They're doing a lot of it because of the architecture and stuff.

Yeah. Like, yeah. But I, I'd watched four episodes until about quarter past 12. There's two left, I'll leave episode 5 on. I'll do my little snoo start, turn that off, and then I'll just catch up wherever. I feel like I fell asleep.

And episode 5 was good. So then it was 1 o'clock, like quarter past 1, do you know what I mean? And then the last episode, I was like, I'll just leave that on. And I'll probably end up watching it. All the episodes have been less than an hour. The last episode was an hour than 20.

I watched all of it. Half two. And then I had to get up at half six this morning to take the dog to park before it got two off from him. You got a dog? Dog, mate. You've either... Dinka.

Yeah, four hours came. I have had two coffees though, so I'll be all right in a minute. I had to sleep on the couch. Huh? I'd sleep on the couch. And Sereka is in Paris. She's in Paris. It wasn't even there.

The bedroom is just beyond hot. Not got a good fan game. I've got, I had two fans. I don't know what it was. I think it's because of our window. I've been baking all day. Do you open your attic? No.

Apparently that's the trick. I can't even imagine what would fall down. If I open my own touch. If you open your attic, all the heat just goes in the attic. Just, rises up your house, sits off in the attic

with the, with the crimbo de heat. No, I've never been in my loft. I'm not gonna be in that series too with that. You said attic, so you've been fucking tritingly,

you've been, what? We'd say loft. Why? You say loft? No, you say loft. No, loft is not.

There's a difference in an attic and a loft though. Is there? I've got an attic. Yeah, but what are you saying is the loft, open the loft. Yeah, but no one says loft. The only, it's loft,

the only time you say loft. as if you were saying, like you wouldn't say attic insulation. You'd say loft insulation, but you still mean the attic. The loft insulation goes in the attic. When I was a kid, like, it was the loft,

but it was just because it was just a cupboard up there. That's what I mean? That was an entire floor of cupboard. No, it's an attic, in it? No, isn't an attic a room? I think an attic you can go with, you can be in there. Yeah, but he said the,

he went the loft, open your loft hatch and then only eating. You can't open your attic. It is open. Yeah. The loft, isn't it? No. Do you see what you say?

I say loft. Thank you, Steve. Not some bad war. It's mad being the, like me and Steve being the only working class people on this podcast. Is loft not working class? No, loft is like... What, I must see? Sofa.

Oh, I don't say sofa. Yeah. It's attic and sette and dinner. And it's loft lunch. Setty, yeah. Not couch. Do you say setty? Ooh, la la.

I'm all right. I think couch. I think couch is, is posh. Bap or balm, no. On the couch. On the couch. Godzilla or... Fucking get off to SETI!

Sofen is the park. You're on couch. You're working classes for? Do you say W.C in the water closet? And going to the water closet. Lavatory or Lou? My mum and dad used to say setty. But like, I think that was...

A setie has to be part of a matching set. The full thing is the set. That's a settee. Three piece. Three piece suite, mate. Yeah, three piece suites. Get your fucking feet off the suite? Spitting bars, dad.

Yeah. Yeah, Loughman, fucking hell. But no, I had to sleep in a bit. I mean, don't get me wrong. I've said it. Every now and again, it'll slip out. Sometimes I say lunch. But that's it.

My argument with that is when people go, it's not dinner. I go, what were the old people who worked on your school? That was always my, that was my get out. What was that Victoria Wood sitcom called? Yeah, lunch ladies, suck your mum. Like, and then it's over.

I had to sleep in the living room like a fucking goblin until like half four and then I was like right is it okay now and it was okay because it had curled would make sense though

if your downstairs was cool enough I'm not cool enough if the downstairs was cool enough that means that it is rising so you should have opened the attic do that tonight open the water

I can't imagine I can't imagine I've never been in it ever? Ever? There's a room in your house you've never been in no I've seen a house

hatch. You probably haven't. You have been in a loft. You have pigeons in it? I didn't get in. The fucking goblin got in for me. Famous story.

The loft hatch is above the stairs. It's like getting in. It's really small. Mine's in the kitchen. You got a kitchen loft? No, obviously not. It's always above the stairs. What is you on about?

No, I mean, it's not like, it's above the staircase. Oh, right. Not even the landing. The landing's too narrow to really get a ladder on. So the goblin just climbed up because he was a scaffolder. And I mean, he climbed in. I don't know how we did it.

Like scurried in. I popped me head in when we bought the house and it's a nice big space, but it's been ignored for years, but it's fucked. Like it wasn't even bordered, so I couldn't even walk in it. I've got half of it boarded now.

I've got all the pigeons executed. Not really. But yeah, I've never been up there. I'm going to, next year, I think we're going to get it turned into an attic. We're going to be able to use that. What's going to be the function?

It's either me street. It's going to be a bedroom when I can stream in essentially like a guest bedroom but I'm going to move my streaming set up into it. It's going to be a guest people come over

and they've got to jump from the staircase. No, we're getting a fucking staircase put it. Oh, right, okay. We're not getting a ladder, climb, just a pulley system. The pigeon man could do it

so good at you, mum. No, we're getting a staircase. I used to live in the loft when I was at my dad's. Genuine, genuinely. So he didn't have to pay council tax. I had to like, It was like I pulled down ladder.

But when my step-sisters moved in and we became like a big nuclear family. Ladder sisters. I got moved to the loft. And I had to climb up ladder and then they just shut the hatch on me until the morning. You are lying.

You are. On my life. Where did you go to toilet? That was the real problem is that I had to bang to go to the toilet but then sometimes. That is a, that's not a, no.

I just had to hold it. Right. Honey. Harry. That's not sure. I get called for bullshit. You used to have to go. Can I go for the way, please?

Yeah, because I lived in the loft. That is abuse, Harry. Fucking wrapped up in fibreglass to keep warm. It was, it was, it had a floor in that. That is abuse. That's abuse. It was a bit on Frankie, like. Why would he close the hatch?

What was the point? Because the hatch would, otherwise. They didn't want all the heat to rise up. Because otherwise people couldn't, it was above the stairs. People couldn't get around the house otherwise. What do you mean they couldn't get around the house? The ladder. A hole in the ceiling

doesn't stop anyone moving. Yeah, they pulled down the ladder. So it was like bedtime. It was like, right, hurry up into the loft. Close it. I can't believe what I mean. And then everyone else gets ready for bed.

Did you have to tell you? I mean, like, for ages, I didn't. And then like, I kind of turned it into a bit of a man cave. I'll be up to took you in soon. And then just puts the tintsel around you.

Well, one time, his sister came, because it was like just by the bathroom. My sister came. up the ladder and then fell off, smacked the red on the door, the bathroom door, the door flew open and my dad was sat having a poo. And I, I, I, I, I, and I, you live in a Wild West saloon. Like, the fucking door swung open. And he was, he was reading the back of like, OK magazine because

it was left in the toilets and, like, that's burnt into me retinas. Mental. No, we're getting a staircase put in. Otherwise, it doesn't count as a bedroom. Uh, does it not? No. You have to have a fixed staircase, filter counts as an extra bedroom. A ladder doesn't cold. Do you have a ladder that is connected to it? Or is it like a... No, right now I've got nothing.

It's just a hole in the field. Because we've got a loose ladder for ours that's like wooden and it's got the old tenant socks on the top of it. Take them off? No, because it, otherwise it damages the paint way. But your socks on it?

No, I'm not touching their socks. The ladder's got socks. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. You're telling me that in order to stop the

that goes into the loft damaging your paintwork in the house. Yeah. It needs... It's got socks on it. It needs some sort of cotton buffridge. Like when babies scratch themselves. Yeah, you give them mittens. Little mittens, little scratch mitts.

Your ladder's got scratch mitts. Yeah, house has got chicken pox. But that makes sense because the lizard fucked my wall up. Like, we had a little ladder in the end because I was sick of him climbing up the walls like a fucking gecko. So I bought him a ladder and he scratched all the walls with it. so they're probably done with his socks on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Don't it. Just put your own socks on it, mom. No, because it's not, because also they're like matted. I think they've kind of almost connected to the, because we leave the ladder outside. I don't want someone like a sock ladder. Like it's just become the ladder.

You leave ladders in your garden. We've got this ladder in me got. I was not told that was asking to get burgled. I don't really know why. That does make sense. Yeah, I don't know how. I think if people are burgling, no one's gone past their house and gone,

oh, I would have burgled that, but I haven't brought. me ladder. Oh look, there's one. Is that what you mean? Like, they'll just use your ladder. I think, I think people get proper. I understand it because obviously once you've got a place, you get naturally more protective of it, don't you? It's like an instinct thing. You're like, this is mine. Now I've got to look after it. But like the house I've bought, I've had to put like a back door in so that I can get out to the back garden. Because when the house was built, it was a back door. The people I bought the house.

I've got bageled in like 1991. And then, but it was through that door. They were like, right, break that off, make that just a window. And I was just like, what? They'd use the other door. Yeah? They weren't going, oh, fuck, they've got this door that I can break in too. Maybe the other door wasn't big enough for a VCR in the 90s. Like, they had to take the big batty telly out.

So they just made it thin. So you could get in, but you couldn't burgle any 90s stuff. No, my wife said, don't leave a ladder in your garden burglars. I'll use that. I'm like, what? Really? I'm not going to leave it up against an open window with like a sign, am I? Say burglars as well.

that is like a job. Like there are, there's people at burglars. I don't think there's burglars. Like I am a burglar. I think people do like maybe a couple of burglar. I right. Ken robbers are honest.

Second to paedophiles. Sorry? Ken robbers. People who rob ours for the job. Just going and rob your stuff. Second to be the files. Second. Where's the like in what race murderers?

Yeah. Okay. Then fourth to be the file. Yeah. I was going to say, Champions League. The champion, they are.

Depending on the coefficient. I'm actually that. Thinking that there's something that might touch words never happened to me, but thinking that there's some fucking little goblin run around me out, like taking me cutlery and stuff or whatever they steal.

There was one, wasn't there? Taking all your pigeons? No, he invited them in. Failed me once. He was allowed in. Do you say taking all your cutler in?

I don't know what? What did Robbers take these? You can't take Terry's on the walls, aren't he? Taking the cutler? That's home alone, isn't it? I've got Newbridge, silver, mate. If you were going to rob your own house,

what would be, like, I was thinking that during the day. We're here. Genuinely, yeah, because we did a home insurance, house insurance,

quoting. And the thing is, if you tip your house upside down and everything falls out, what's it all worth? Right. And like, oh, okay,

basically what's stealable. But not on downstairs, really. Appliances in the kitchen. My coffee table was like 600 quid. Who steal a coffee table? Someone who knows

is worth 600 quid? Not many ken robbers, no. They do now. It's got a lovely marble slab on the top, which was the... You can't get that out then.

Sounds heavy. it's really nice everything with like laptops and phones and shit are all upstairs and the bathrooms and that and I'll be there you know kung fu kicking

so Rob downstairs he's just cutlery and I don't know a ninja like a he'll protect it he's Kung Fu Kicking as well Kutlery

I don't know if he came into my kitchen what would you rob I take you there a fry before to talk your spoons your dog No, he's upstairs with us. Airfly is. Airfly has come and go, man.

You live upstairs? Have you got, like, an house, one of their houses? No, I sleep upstairs. That's when Ken Robbers usually come. Come in the middle of the day, have you better than that house. No, I mean, like, some people's, like, their front rooms upstairs and stuff.

That scares me. Weird, that, isn't it? Yeah. What do you mean? People have the living room on the first floor. Yeah. People walk upstairs to the living room. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

If you're not living in a house here and you've chose to do that with your house. Some people do that. People do. So what do they do with that, the living room, living room? Sometimes they've got like a garage and then they have to walk,

it's like a weird house on stilts and that, in it? I don't mind that. If it's being built that way and it's just like, this is the only place for your living room. But if you've got a two bedroom house, a two up, two down,

but you're not using the two down and you're just using the two up to do a bedroom and a living room. What are you doing with the two down? Kitchen and bathroom? Kitchen. Bathroom. Like, it's already got a downstairs kitchen.

So like my house, what would they do with the living room space? Big bathroom. Shit in the front room. People walk and past. You're like, lad? There's no way someone's got like my house and who's got the living room upstairs.

I imagine that is. Really, 70s houses were really like that, weren't he? People often delivering room upstairs. People freak out in my house because my washing machine's upstairs. I wish I had done that. And people like, oh, it's like, where did you say you clothes off your way?

Are you getting undressed in the kitchen? You're not, are you? I do have to. Get it upstairs. But yeah. Right next to the bathroom. It's fire. That does make sense.

Yeah. But it feels like the washing machine. But it lives next to the kitchen, doesn't it, just needs to. I don't know why. No, it's, it doesn't belong in.

He looks awkward in the kitchen as well, don't he? He's looking there. He's like, oh, I don't belong here, me. I hope no one notices me.

It's like put your dishwasher in your bathroom. It's exactly like that. Or in a spare room. Sorry for waiting up and just putting the dishwasher. That's probably why it is, though,

in it? it's probably put in the kitchen so that the noise doesn't disturb you while you're sleeping. Yeah, that's true. They used to be loud. Yeah. Mine's a little bit loud now.

Every now and again, it'll just, have you got a dryer? I think that's one of the main things that they should teach in schools that they don't. Washing machines allowed? Get your washing machine professionally installed

because you wouldn't, I still don't really understand why they need to be. But some people, me, in a previous life, you have bought a washing machine. and gone, that just fits in there, there you go.

And then you're turning on and it's like, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Hey! Where we going? If there was ever a display of your unwarranted arrogance, it's you getting a fucking hot point and going, I'll do that.

What does a pro do with it? What? What does a pro do with it? I've got no idea. Do you do your own washing machines and that? Do you plumb it all in? We've got an integrated washing machine and dryer,

and we just put it in the cupboard, put the dryer on top of it, put the pipe in the pipe turned it on and it washes the machines well you've got lucky there say it does move every now and again like every now and again it shouldn't move at all but it comes forward a little bit in the cupboard bunch of

so I just push it back maybe every two three months it shouldn't do that at all but when I lived in West Arby we bought a washing machine and my ex-mist was like we're not paying under quid for insulation like it's a waste of money it's dead easy we'll just like do a YouTube video on it and I was like yeah

cool we did it and it all it always worked. If we put clothes in that fucking thing and press the button, when they came out, they were cleaner than when they went in. But the washing machine would often want to know what we were watching on the TV. Playing fucking red light, green light, or whatever

every time it turned around and what are you doing? I put the washing, like honestly, once I came home and thought we'd been bageled, I don't know what I thought they'd took, but the washing machine do you remember when I used on to couch? Yeah. The back of the room by the patio. Yeah, yeah.

So it looked like while I was out, the washing machine had been watching the telly. Like, it, it moved to the couch and then obviously hit the couch and was facing the telly. And it's like, it was like a toy from toy story, like it had coming in, gone to Ntellie off. It was just, it was looking at the telly as well,

like facing it. Maybe it was watching the telly, you'll never know. Did you put, did you see what was on last? That's what you should have done. It's the JML channel. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what I mean. What? Yeah.

Wasn't that moth? Yeah, you should get a... I don't need to. I just close the doors. And every now and again, you turn the dry-in on, it stops, and then for no reason in the night,

I go, whoa! And I go, I've left the giant on. Because it'll stop, but then basically shout. Yeah, yeah, yeah. To go, I'm still on,

by the way. I left the iron all day yesterday. You left the one on? But it's a newfangled iron. So what I do is when I iron, I unplug it and I go, iron off. Said I can always laugh at me because I sound like a robot. And I go, no, because I think, have I said iron off today?

And I have, yesterday I didn't for the first time ever. And I got back and my iron was on flash. And I was like, oh my God, but it was cold. I think we live in a world where there should be irons that turn themselves off. But it did turn itself off? Yeah, that's what I mean. I don't think that's that impressive in 2026. I also just think what's a good, like, it's not just going to spontaneously combust, is it?

There's no iron fires, unless. you leave it on, if you leave it on and like, press down. On Kindle and it was and hey. Then, yeah, that's fucking stupid. But the last thing you do with an iron, even if you don't turn it off is,

you stand it up. And you don't leave a touch on anything. I think it's if someone comes in who doesn't know that you've left it on and then touches it. And I've got a cat as well. Who touches the front of the iron? Even if you know it's cold. I touch the metal bit of the iron.

You might brush it. I've never in my life touched the... How do you know it's on? Sometimes. Spits on it. That's a good one. I go... I go...

I'll... I'll go... Yeah, so this is the iron. I'll go... That's a bottle of water. I'll touch it dead quick so it doesn't burn you. What? You know it's like on. Or like, say I've used it...

You could just go near it and you'd know? Say I've used it an hour ago. And I don't put it away because it's still hot. How'd just check if a pan is preheated? Spit in it. The oil will tell me usually. oil your iron oil

you're oiling but like say it olive oil on the iron do you know what that one's you know that thing where everyone was like if you put your phone

in a microwave it just charges it and then people's phones was just blowing up because people are stupid but a bet that's gone round is like

mate I tell you what if you put a bit of olive oil on your iron iron's well iron's well it's so quick

but yeah half and out of they used it I want to put it away I go, is it cold yet? I go, who? I have an iron since about

2008. I don't think. I don't iron. Same. I don't need to do it. Is that because someone iron's for you? No, it's because the one time I tried to iron was at my dad's.

Who are in a t-shirt then? No one. We don't own an iron. No one else. See, I just keep still. You want a suit the day? Yeah, I bought it that day. I mean, I had a nightmare with it

because do you know how there's like cross-stitching on like the... In the pocket. Yeah, and like on the separate, like the seam or whatever. Yeah, yeah. The vent. The seat. Yeah, whatever it is.

I was waiting for Ellie to... Whatever the actual answer is. I was waiting for Ellie to get out the Uber. We went to the National Influencer Awards. There was like a red carpet and like, fucking Scouse Ghetto Gourmet. He was there and they were like, no way. It's buddies. And we were there by the red carpet.

And I'd just, I'd paid 350 quid for this suit. I've never spent that much money on clothes ever. No. Or anything ever. And Ellie was close. coming out of the Uber and I was like, oh, I've still left all of the seams done. And I went to rip it and just fucking ripped the suit all the way up the side. I couldn't think of a more you thing ever than ever.

I had to go into the Hilton. And I was like, to the woman at the reception, I was like, please tell me you've got like some sort of sewing kit. And I had to just stand there with my arm up and I at least sewed up the side of my suit. Please tell me you've got an in-house tailor's. Yeah. But she did. She had like a little repair kit. I was doing like that.

And Tracy B could walk past. So. Tracy B. You think he's short of knobbed. I think everyone, it was a mad event that. They gave us free wine. They were like, it's vegan wine. It doesn't give you an angle of it.

It fucking does, by the way. Where was it? The Hilton. Vegan wine. In Livable. Is normal wine not vegan? Yeah, they put it through fish, don't me? Fish.

Yeah. Fish bones to filter it. It's filtered through fish. And then Demetrius Johnson was there. The greatest MMA fighter of all time was there. For no reason. He didn't even know why he was there. He didn't even come to dinner.

It was like R9. being there and no one was bothered but there was a girl who embarrasses herself on purpose on buses who won most inspirational creator by the way shout out to her there was like fellow name Harry I don't know so are we shouting out to her then

she's really inspired I mean I can't I can't imagine I reckon if you Google what he just said I don't think more than one person's gonna come up she seems lovely and Ellie loves her videos but she were most inspirational creator and there were like fellas that were like raising money for cancer

of charities and she just going. But everyone's doing that, aren't he? Yeah. Whereas she goes into Asda and goes like, I'm in Azda. Like, that's her thing. Give her an award. And I know everyone was. Oh, I know who you mean.

She's lovely. She's great. Her videos are class as well. Everyone was freaking out about her. No one cared about the best mixed martial artist of all time. I was like, fucking game. I think he, I think it's 14 back-to-back UFC title defences. Never been beaten.

I know. I feel sorry for him because no one takes him seriously because he's lickle. Oh, he's like that bit. But that's what it is because it's... And it looks like... It just looks stupid. He would batter everyone, though. I know he would.

I know he would. But those fights look stupid. Yeah, because they both like five. There's little fights. Like, it would have been better if they'd have dressed them up in school uniform. I genuinely think if they'd had dressed Demetrius Johnson up and whoever he was fighting, that... What's Carlos Houssado or whatever?

Who's the guy that he used to fight all the time? Henry Suhudo. Yes. one of the more famous ones. I don't know. I don't watch it. But if they dress them in school uniforms... Yeah.

And the ref looked like the teacher. So if they were choking him out... First round, blazes off as the entire second round. Tides off. Fucking Herb Dean comes in in chinos. And he's like, break it up, breaking up. That'd be well. That'd be well.

Bella's Dana. If he was big, he'd be... Yeah. John Jones would be a fucking... Absolutely. Staying on his pants. Absolutely, but it looks like...

You look like my child. It looked like I could have put my hand on his head. You'd have asked him. You should have tried it. Snap. I know, exactly. And I went, what are you? I went, DJ, what are you doing here?

And he was like... You call him DJ? Yeah? Yeah. I call him MM. Mighty mouse. He was like, I'm just here, aren't I? I was like, that doesn't answer the question.

That's the scousest thing that anyone's ever said. It's just here, aren't I? He didn't come to the meal. There was someone called test days. and was like, no way, fucking Test Daily's there. And I was like, I was like, mad, test daily's there. I'll get a photo for the part. It's like a little inside joke.

It was just... Was it just... Oh, I thought when you said there was someone called Test Daily, I thought you didn't know who Test Daily was. Wasn't Test Daily? Yeah. No, and the way you have to name Test Daily and be in the media. Change it.

It was bang out of order. But yeah, I was next to someone who... A girl who makes desserts. She was class. Oh, we got beat, by the way. The maths. Oh, yeah, we didn't take it. It's it. Everyone else had like voting campaigns.

Maths beat us and then got cancelled on the same week, which is a interesting. At least you got beat by one of the tougher school subjects. Damn you, Matt. But yeah, he didn't turn up. He didn't, my man didn't turn off. Do you watch her? No. Paul Brunson, I think it's Paul.

They got cancelled last week. Like, I have it got taken off Channel 4 because of allegations. He's the host or one of the hosts. He didn't go because I imagine he's probably. be like, I don't know, I was on there. So really, I think we should get the award by proxy. Yeah. Well, who else was in it?

Did we finish second? No. And the only reason I know that is because there was, they went, the awards were so close that we've got highly commended. And then highly commended got the award. And I was like, well, we must have won then. We didn't, we didn't ask anyone to vote for us. We put one video up where Carl locked me in the, uh, in the electrics cupboard and was

like vote for all how do you won't get out. And that was the only time we told anyone. Who was it? Who was highly commended? I was the rental. It was great. We got lots of free wine. They gave me,

they had like a proper three-course meal that Ellie was buzzing with. It was like duck and stuff like that. But the veggie option, they just gave me a big thing of cauliflower. So I just ate that. Like a box?

You sure you didn't stumble on the ready, steady cook? I'm rabbit. Here's a box of cauliflower. Go do something with that. I got my start. Everyone else's starter was like some kind of meat cake thing.

And I got soup. Lanzania? No, it was like, I don't know what it was. It was like a fried ball. You need to start eating proper food. It's so good. So I got soup and I just didn't eat it because I was like,

I've already ripped the suit. I don't want to get soup all over my, because I would. So I just didn't eat that. And then, yeah, and there was the after party on a boat, but no one turned up until there's a creator called Becky Jones.

The d'athod. Yeah, the party was on the boat of the daffodil. And no one turned up to the after party until she came over. But everyone was lingering around the, me and Ellie went for some drinks. everyone's linger around the boat, like, we've got to wait until Becky Jones comes.

I was like, can we just go? What fucks Becky Jones? And Ellie was like, I was like, no, we'll wait. No, it's one of the most common names of ever heard. Yeah, I know three Becky Jones, isn't it? I know three of them. Ellie was like, we need to wait until people come over. And I was like, what's the criteria of like people coming, like the level of fame that you go,

well, actually, we'll go down there. And she went, well, look, the CEO of boosted tapes over there, which is like tit tape. And I was, that was like a level of like, well, we've got a level of, you know, got to go down, take my geese down there. Danny Harmer, is it Danny Harmer? She didn't turn up to anything after them. I mean, like, oh, that's cool. I used to watch Tracy Beaker when I was a kid,

but I wouldn't not go into a club until she arrived. I would have turned up with the, if I'd known Tess Daly was down there. Couldn't give a fuck. Couldn't care less. But it was, it was a good night. That's a good question for you. We asked us last week,

because obviously Adam met Tarrantino last week, which genuinely gave me envy. If you find to her, Quinton. Did you? Where? You came to store. to watch me. Did he?

Did he think Paul Foote was on? Was he at the store? Yeah, he came later at the store. I was there this week. Yeah, Trevor McDonald was there. I've got to know of that one as well. Adam's met fucking everyone.

What was he like? Exactly what you think he is. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Tell me that. It's the only one I've actually gone, ah, fuck. I'd love to have done that, a bit envious. And then I asked everyone who's theirs was.

so he's just like Thadu Stee hasn't got one doesn't give a fuck What, who you would like to meet Like who you would like to meet And spend time with Right so Brennan was walking around New York and met Spike Lee

Is that now, when he? No Is he no? No, he was at basketball game last night like Oh I'm thinking of Stanley Oh, I thought he's on about Brennan You're thinking about the comic book guy Stanley Spike Lee is

Spike Lee is Do the right thing, director Yeah That's a cool one That I was jealous there I would have been jealous of Tarantino when I was like 12 because I think he was when I was like that

The films still exist No but I think he was in my head He was like well cool Like he's just an older man now I don't think Yeah but he's written some of the things That you've watched a million times Yeah maybe

He's written like two my favourite of films ever And he's been in them He's in the films Yeah that's a bad thing Yeah but it's cool We don't want him in the films Just get Get someone else to say it.

Who's yours? Someone who can. Like, you want to sit and spend two hours having a beer with them, not just like, oh, I've met him. Mine's quite basic bitch, though. It's probably Kantanah. Just because not just the football, he's obviously one of the coolest men

on earth, in it, so. Do you know the way you're not a big boozer? If you met Kantanar, just naturally. Say he came to a hot water, or the frog or whatever, right? And he's just like, you were fucking clash you. Let's go out and get fucked. Yeah. Would you go?

Yeah. Do you go and put it in the wall? No, I'd just do that thing where I'm like, like do that shot, throw a shot behind you. Yeah, there, there. Definitely be a good bevy. Yeah, I reckon. Yeah.

I reckon he's just dead cool. I reckon he's also a lovely man. Yeah, he just seems to have a nice fella, don't he? A bit of a coffee. I don't know. Probably could have said someone better. Oh, easy. Actually, so's Eric.

Andre 3000. I mean, he'll do. The giant? Yeah. The rapper. Yeah, yeah. He's bigger than Andre 2000. Yeah, Andre 3000, probably.

He's a floutist now, isn't? A floutist, yeah, he walks around, playing his flute around New York and that. Bullcast. What can be a bluff. Huh? The guy from oldcast. I know Andre 300. Oh, you're like, who's this one?

Walking up on his flute old. No, no, no. I know Andre 2000 is yet. Because like, I, yeah. Yeah, him, yeah. That is exactly. Yeah, that's exactly. Was that him?

Because I'd get a picture with Kanye, but I wouldn't sit and have a too out of Bevervy with him because it's fucking kettle me head. Yeah, I wouldn't get a picture of anyone, me. That's my thing. I think another good one with Johnny Knoxville. That'd be a good one. You wouldn't get a picture with anybody?

Nah. No, behave yourself. I wouldn't. Alex Ferguson. I wouldn't get a picture with it. I'd meet him and honestly, I'm not, this isn't performative. Like, you all know me and it's not,

it's not. out of the realms of possibility that I would just go, I don't really want to, I'm all right, I just talk to you? So you had a beer with Andre 3000,

you like, yeah, because my, right, put it this way. If I, we're friends, if I said to you,

I had a beer with Andre 3,000, would you believe me? Yeah? Well, that's enough. I don't need visual proof. No, in 10 years,

it's nice to go. Here's a question, though. Honest question. Yeah. Because I think, right, I think I know you well enough

that one of the reasons you wouldn't ask for the picture as well as just, just knowing that the memory's enough. Yeah. Is that you don't want to be the guy who asked for the picture as well. It's not just,

it is a bit that, but also not enough that I would put that to the side. Like, I still wouldn't do it. Like, honestly. But I think if you were having a beer with Andre 3000,

like, let's say he turned up at a have a weird event that you were doing with us. Yeah. If he went, hey, Carl's doing stand up,

Andre 3000 turns up and we're having a drink afterwards. And someone went, let's all get a picture. Oh, that's different. You'd be made up to have that picture. I wouldn't be like, oh,

I'm glad you asked. But also, I'm glad you. But also, that would be quite hard of character. If he went, oh, Dan,

can I have a picture? I wouldn't go, fuck off, like, like I would have one, but I would never, I'd still think it was a good experience. Yeah,

but it's also nice to have that little memory. Yeah. I just don't know. Like, oh, fuck and I jump when I, but it's not for you. That's the thing.

No, but it is because every now and again, I'll, you just get your phone out and go, oh, no, every now and again, I go, oh yeah.

I do look at old pictures like that. I was the one who asked, so the comics that were sat with Tarantino, having a drink. Who was on? So the bill was Andrew Ryan Comparan, me, Michael Odewa Wally,

Joe Caulfield and Stephen Bailey. Right. Callfield had got off. Stephen Bailey stayed for a little bit and then left. Elliot Steele and Jamali came, I think because they heard. Did it, oh, did it do that?

Was it like one of them where Lent Chappelle? A text goes out. Sort of, but everyone was sound, and he was sound with everyone. everyone being there. And they stayed for the whole show. Like, but like, the last few of us around the table were me,

Andrew Ryan, Elliot, Michael O'Dawali and Tarantino. And then Tarantino goes, it was like three in the morning. He goes, right, I'm going to go now. He'd have the driver sat round all night. And I, no one else had done it. And I went, mate, if we all just get a picture together before you go, we've got to get a picture of this. And he was like, yeah, yeah, of course.

That's not, yeah. Because I was just like, I'm just not. Yeah, all right. I'm not too cool to do that. Like, I understand that. I think that is different though. Yeah. So like, oh, like, can I have a picture?

Then Andrew Ryan put his big fat head in the way of me, so you can just not see my eyebrows. Like Andrew's obviously, I've known him so long and he's a friend, but I can't imagine how Andrew Ryan was reacting around Quentin Tarantino after how I seen him react when we did a gig, and Barini was in there. That's the picture you get in your dream when you can't get a picture with someone you want to get a picture with.

Actually, when we told this story on the pod last week, I forgot to tell you is this. So Will Hutchby's in that picture as well. Yeah. So Will doesn't regularly come to the gigs. And this was the later at the store. It doesn't finish till one in the morning or whatever. And he was coming down, but he was meeting me there because I'd done like five other gigs

that night, like running around the city. So I text them, like, your name's on the door, but just let me know when you get here. I'll just come and walk at him. And I get there like 10 minutes before him, find out Tarantino's on the third row. And I text Will and I was like, Quentin Tarantanino's here.

obviously Will's a filmmaker. Yeah. So he goes, no, he isn't. And I was like, here's the thing, Will. I agree with you, but he is. And so he comes, and I went, right, come in the dressing room. He's in here having a chat with us. And Will was like, no, no, no, I'm not a comic.

I'll stay out here. Great guy. And I was like, look, I understand, but just don't be, just come and be part of it. You want a memory. So he came in, said nothing. Did the rest of the show, went for a beer in the bar afterwards. Will's with us for the entire time.

we were there two and a half hours Will doesn't say a word and then he goes and afterwards we're outside while him and Elliot and having a siggy and I went you didn't say a fucking word there and he went yeah I know why and he went because now I know for

sure he doesn't hate me he might hate you he might hate him and then he went to he definitely hates him he's got his head in the way of the phone you might you might have said something where he's just thought so you're a fucking idiot

you and he defo doesn't think that about me. It's true. Unless obviously he likes people that contributes a conversation. And he was, that muse. That's that weed in the corner. Who is that mute?

Motherfucker. Do you have a break? All right. Do I press that? Big red. Now it's time for a message from my favourite sponsor. It's an old VPN.

NordVPN. We've had them in for a little while and they remain the goats. I've got it logged into my phone. It's always on. And there's so many different reasons to use it. I use it mainly to be able to access, like, you know, like your sports abroad and stuff.

That's the best bit for me. 3pm blackout. It doesn't exist in the world of VPNs. Also, it keeps your things safe. So you can have it across, you can have your laptop, your iPad, your bird's laptop, your phone. You can have all your devices on one login. It keeps them all safe and it gives you access to, you know, like Ugandan footy.

Bam, it's like your fingertips. It's dead easy. It's like a bouncer for your phone. It is. I've always said that. Do you want to go into Venezuela? In your go, lad. The footies on.

What are you a virus? Fuck off, mate. Keeps the viruses out. And if you go to NorvPN.com slash have a word. Big savings and you get four months free. That's a third of the year in your ass pocketmate. Chaching. Chiching.

VPNs. Hey, Harry. Have you seen that there's a whale going to blow up in Denmark? Sorry? A whale? There's a German whale that's going to blow up anytime soon in Denmark. What's a German whale? What do you mean?

Well, there's, so there's a whale called Timmy, and it washed up in Germany, and it was like, and all these Germans were like, we need to save Timmy. And all the whale experts were like, listen, he's not in a good way, just let him die. Yeah, the explode, wouldn't you die? But the country went mad and were like, we need to save it. So two billionaires were like, we'll save Timmy. And they managed to, like, get him into this, like, cargo ship that they'd filled with water, and took him into the sea, put him in the sea, and then dragged this.

by his tail into like the middle of the sea and then left him. And we're like, oh, we've saved him. And then two days later, a dead whale washed up in Denmark. And is day by day getting bigger. And because they've moved it closer to Denmark and where it is, Danish authorities can't get rid of it. So they're just waiting for this whale to explode. Isn't it mad?

Like, there's probably... Did you ask? Maybe people in poverty looking at that going Oh, the billionaires are saving a whale, yeah Can you imagine? Like that goes into the middle of the sea? Do you not just think like human intervention on like The animals just naturally dying just should stop?

Yeah. Like if a cat's got AIDS, let it die, man. I think. They do. True. I don't think you can operate on a cat with AIDS. Can cats get AIDS? I mean, if they can, they wouldn't.

operate. Of course he kind of came from monkeys. If it came from monkeys to us, I'm sure it can go to cats or lemurs or whatever. Did it come from monkeys? Jordan's cats got AIDS. Sean? Our friend Sean's cat's got AIDS.

Is that true? Oh my God. Fuck off. Do you know what? They can't get human aids. They get feline aids. They get F-I-V. Yeah.

Oh my God. Yeah. Feline AIDS. What can't get cancer? There's an animal that can't get cancer. The new Channel 4 show. What can't get cancer? Finn, Google it.

What can't get cancer? I'm sure there's an animal that can't get cancer. I don't know why it's making of its DNA or something. No animal is 100% immune to cancer. But naked mole rats. That's it. Naked mallrats never develop cancer. So I don't know who's giving the cancer to the naked mole rats.

Yeah. Mor rats are an boxed. Yeah. That's mattered. Like a mole rat will never have to do a race for life. Or like fundraising. They don't make the... know what it is.

Sorry, can I just go back to the cat AIDS for the sec? Yeah. So cats can't get AIDS. Do you mean they can't get HIV? They get FIV. They get F-I-V? Yeah, because you know what the H stands for? Human.

Yeah. Put HIV. Hang on off, but F-Aid. It develops into feline AIDS. They can't get, so it says cats cannot get human HIV. So like a man with AIDS bumming a cat doesn't give the cat AIDS. But I guess if a cat kisses a monkey or something, that gets AIDS.

Wouldn't that be SIV, though, I imagine? Wouldn't that be like Simeon? How many types of AIDS are they? Because HIV could be like Hamst... How many types of AIDS are there,

round two? Hampster AIDS? That could be the HIV. No way hamsters get any. Yeah, SIV? Wow. How are you like the AIDS expert? I'm not just clever.

He's clever. Just clever. Yeah. The AIDS expert. What a mad person to be introduced on the news. And here we're going to our AIDS experts. They can get AIDS.

Did AIDS come from monkeys? Yeah, apparently. Ricky Javei said that. No, he didn't. So that's when I heard. Yeah, me too. That was the first of a person. He didn't say for the first time,

but I know because of that. Yeah, it came from monkeys. Yeah, they reckon a monkey had AIDS. A fellow was chopping the chimp meet up, cuts his own finger. Yeah. That blood mixed of that blood. That was AIDS.

Oh, so it wasn't like... And then bish, bash, bosh, and that fellow was gay. that fella was gay and he was like bumming at everybody and then Freddie Mercutney monkey that's the timeline of AIDS

it's like that walking evolution thing yeah yeah but at the end it's someone with like a microphone but yeah why else explode because of the gas they go fucking bananas inside and then like it is like an explosion there's no one imagine like

it'd be a good terrorist attack so what happened to William the Conquer apparently he exploded yeah they unbarmed him wrong, didn't he? Yeah, I thought what happened to Alan Brazil at some points as well. No, no, no. He's not slow to wait. No, you've seen him now? No.

He's had surgery. Fucking Alan Brazil, not now. He's like, he looks really good. So he had something wrong. He had surgery. He looks really good for Alan Brazil. Right, that's right. That needs to be the caveat.

He looked like he was going to explode. He looks better than when he played for United than that. Like, he looks better when he was a player. He looks well, matter. He looks really good. Yeah. Also, Alan Brazil can get AIDS. You get ABIV?

Yes, Alan Brazil, like any human being, is susceptible to AIDS. Maybe that's how he's lost all the weight. Surely if a whale's going to explode, though, it'll just come out to blow, and it just deflace it. It just reach a point, and then just go, p. It looks mad. It's like, and the blubber goes, and then everyone's got chewies. Because it's rolled over, because it blows up from its stomach,

so I think that rolls it over, and then it's on the, Oh yeah, because obviously it will be within the... It won't just go out of the blow hole. Like, it's not a chimney, is it? Whale's done. You need to, like, bleed it like a radiator then, don't you? I think you just leave it. It was meant to die on the beach.

It was meant to die in Germany, and now the Danish people are fuming because they're like... It looks like a terror attack. It's a clever terror attack. Oh, that is a good. It's like a Trojan horse, but to Whale? I always thought a good terror attack.

Like, you know, if you was going to do an assassination, but someone was allergic to nuts. little with a peanut and then if someone's like like if you're walking around with like a sniper rifle it's on top in it but if you're just walking around with a fucking peanut with a little blow dark gun thing

do you think world leaders should be barred from having penis allergies sorry yeah do you think people with peanut allergies should be barred from being world yeah yeah yeah can imagine oh we're gonna be tough here's the footage of the assassination of the Venezuelan Prime Minister and someone just goes with some peanut butter

and runs off You've seen the one Kim Jong-il's brother Are we assassinated them? No. Kim Jong-not-any-well? I've told... He was in Vietnam or something, wasn't it? So his brother was in an airport in Vietnam

And his brother was like basically going, Amy brother's a cock. What a cob shite he is. Travel on the world. There's brother went on one having there. So his brother landed in an airport. You got these two women to pretend like they were doing a game show.

And they had the stuff on their hands. And they were like, Ah, look. No bed. Way on your face. And it was... It was like a poison and he died. And that's how we're slastity to them.

Because he was like, well, what are you doing? You're like, this, with the game show, rubbing stuff on your face. Way, it's a hidden camera. It's like a TV show in it. Like, one of them serial ones

where it's every week, like someone will die. It's always like the bullet made of ice. You know that one? Oh, how did you do it? Yeah, like, oh, what happens? Like in fucking CSI or whatever. How did they kill him?

And it was like, oh, there's no murder weapon. The bullet was made of ice. Just melted. Feas of pigs. Well, the other thing you can do as well, we spoke about this years ago, back in the Runcorn days, you could club someone to death with a frozen leg of lamb.

And then when the police come around, just did them a roast and they're eating the evidence. Oh, they're eating the evidence. And then you can blame the police. Or you could just roast the guy that you've killed and they've eaten everything. They've eaten the body. Why would the police come around then?

Where's the body? It doesn't matter. Do you want this? This is rough in it? Yes. Also, they'd notice a big fella with an apple in his mouth on the table. Did you ever see the Australian Prime? minister that just went swimming and then just disappeared no i think they make a joke about it the simpsons

he's like in the 70s or whatever the the prime minister of australia went skinny dipping or something and then just never returned bar versus australia yeah and they they went like you've just got to then elect a new prime minister it's 10 years until you're dead don't oh is it yeah you're missing it's 10 years until you're legally dead yeah but it's not 10 years until you need a prime minister no he might come back just be like, nope. When I've voted on anything for a while, John's on his way back.

He's leaving his desk how it was. Don't go in there. There was a British Prime Minister in the early 1800s. Probably. And now, like, he opened a new railway line to Darlington and he fell in between the carriages of the train when he was, like, sent off

and the train just mashed him up. It's true. So sometimes prime ministers die is the point I'm trying to make, I think. Class. Have we got any prep? Harry, we've got some. Can you press the green button, Dan? Yeah.

You're bad. I've never heard this. You're going to hear it. You hear them. A beat. It's low-level conspiracies, Dan. Right. How long does it go off?

Whenever you've missed the bottom. Oh, sorry. They didn't sound how to press it twice. He just said press that one. Do you understand the concept? Well, I'm assuming it's like low. level conspiracies, like not world-changing stuff. There we go.

So there's five here, and we're going to decide which is the best one. So this one's by Ryan. Conspiracy, the labels on jars are made with extra adhesive, so they're impossible to wash off, meaning you can't reuse the jars. Why can't you reuse a jar that's got a label on it? And who reuses jars? I saw this on a Reddit post. Who reuses jars?

Do you reuse jars? Do you use jars? I use jars. What jars? Jajar binks by my nuns, me. He said a man in what? Uses jazz. Oh, la la,

jar binks. My mom used to make plum jam. She hadn't even doing a section here, me. Tell me later. Plum jam does sound like jizz, damn it.

Fucking plum jam all over. She didn't just make it with an average in her hands. Like, she had to put it in something. Why are you got a plum jamming me? I don't use jazz. I'm gonna jazz man.

I never did. put the jar in it in and buy a new jar. Where'd you keep your pickled onions? In the shop? In a box. How many pickled onions do you have? No, you've got to have one. Every fridge is got to have one jar of pickled onions in it.

I think I might have a jar of mustard in the fridge that I've never opened. Mustard on a fridge. No, I, jar of pickle onions, back right. Mine's in the shelves in the door me. Oh, it's in the shelves in the door. That's a fact. No, no, no, no. No.

No. To live in the top that you'll never throw out, no, never open. Crampery sauce. Little Cheever wasabi. Yeah, I might somatic puree online. And it's got to be stuff like, because this is why jars in the doors are bad idea, especially pickled onions.

Like, it needs to be something that if it does smash, it's not going to stain your floor, like to make your kitchen smell forever. Jars at the back, because it, tru-frews shoots in the door. Because they're bouncy. Yeah.

You can touch. Bounces right back into the door. You can't really use a jar. I surely a Hartley's jam jack, you can wash it off. Also, like, there's nothing, when I'm assuming that person that's reusing them,

they're not reusing them for official use. Like, because it's still got the label on, you can still put whatever you want to put in it. Yeah. You just can't resell it. No,

there is something, if it was like, I'd be dubious if it was like a jar of pasta sauce, but it was filled with jam. I wouldn't want it. That is true. I mean,

like, it'd be like, pasta sauce has been in there. You're not, mate, you're not doing that. The people are reusing jars to put like, fucking flowers in

or like stuff like that. I was on the window ledge in the kitchen. Yeah. Oh, there's got an eye in it or something. Yeah. There's one from Daniel low-level conspiracy. Stephen Orkin was making a bit of cash on the side by providing the vocals for Daft Punk.

When he died, they stopped making music. Does that mature? Yeah. I think so. When was it? When did Stephen Orkin die? Wasn't it? 2019?

Was it? Yeah, and Daft Punk, like, finished like at COVID, didn't he? Wow. I didn't know that. Well, isn't it more, like, obviously, it's probably easier to suggest that Daft Punk died of COVID. I actually never see their faces, do you? Although they always had masks on.

They were the original. Low-level conspiracy, by the way. That is low. That's not like world-ganger, is it? Jam Jaze. Stephen Hawkins. That's less of a conspiracy than him making midgets do maths.

Small piece. No, that's a verified fact. Yeah. But like that's more like that I'm into the world that he was doing that. Do I mean? Him doing a bit of like electronic beats.

I actually think if he was secretly in daft punk, That's due my head. And was a regular business of Epstein's Island making dwarves do equations that were too hard for them on whiteboards

that were too tall for them. I think that's, it's all bad, Harry. Maybe get lucky was about that. That is a mad kink in it. I know we've tried on this before, but how did he know he liked that?

It's mad, in he? You probably just, like, accidentally seeing a dwarf like failing to reach the top of a whiteboard once and it just gave my little stonk on. I had a theory about this

that obviously, I didn't say. They're the same height as him in his wheelchair, so he didn't want to feel short. Because obviously if you sat down, they're about eye level, the little people. Whereas like,

so that's why it's so he could look them in the eye. When he fucked them. Yeah. Did he fuck any of them, though? What's the film? What's his film? Theory of everything. Have you seen it?

No. Like when he, because he slowly develops. Don't want to talk about it. I spent all of it last year worrying that I had motor neurone disease. Oh really? Even when I did this podcast. Did you ask a doctor?

Yeah, but they can't say no. They can't say like you haven't got it. Really? Doesn't look like it's kicked in properly yet. Yeah. So it's absolutely ruined my 2025. And how did you feel now? Until this, I was all right.

That is what health anxiety is. like though yeah and i understand yeah she when he got it she used to get on top right that's all i'm saying yeah of course he didn't stop having sex he just climbed on lucky what's the next one harry this one's by ross hulahann low-level conspiracy when you put on hold the person plays the music live on their own personal instrument that would be good i respect that so but then they're not doing the job you're on hold because they're doing something that's it no that's it no They're on hold. That's the conspiracy, is that customers, they want the customers on hold. Companies want you on hold.

Because O2 get like minutes, like they're in cahoots. Yeah, it's PSR. It's like, just play your saxophone. Who pays for their minutes in 202026? Sometimes you've got to pay everyone. There's one. Did you know? Do you say unlimited?

Yeah. It's actually only 40,000 minutes a month. But no one ever gets near it. There's only 40,000 minutes in a month. Oh, is it? Oh, I don't know that. What about on a leap year? Oh, it would be less anyway,

but it's less than a normal month a leap year. No, it's not. No, it's more days. It's 29, isn't it? Yeah, so in a leap year, there'd be more, about 40,000 does I imagine, a 31 day month. Oh, February, he's never got more minutes than March.

What? 29 is less than 31. Oh, so, right. So it's the, it's not 365 days. It's a, it's a per month. Right. Yeah, yeah. Someone just saw it on Twitter.

I like that one, though. The thought of going, oh, fuck, no. And then they just get like a banjo out or something. Yeah, but it's like, in your job interview, they'd be like, look, before you get, I know you're very qualified in the actual work, but can you play green sleeves? And then one more. George Bowateng says, yes, Lids, got a low-level conspiracy for you. Avocados were invented by Instagram to make brunches more appealing.

I have no recollection of them pre-2010. Cheers, George Bowetting. But it's true. I don't remember avocados when I was a kid. But do you think? No. Guacamole, he was. Yeah, quack was.

So you've heard of my, I don't know whether I've mentioned it on here. Yeah, but I haven't seen the actual. I've got a very similar conspiracy about pigs in blankets. They weren't a thing until like 2003. And now they were never like a staple on the Christmas dinner growing up. And now that everyone's favour. Now, now everyone chats like, oh, when we grew up eating our pigs, you didn't.

You didn't. You didn't, your fucking nan never, you didn't see a pig or a blanket until 2003. Also, I wonder who was first because it's a really good name in it. You know what I mean? Like who went to pig and blanket and then he ran with her? Also, it's horrible and I know it's well trodden, but it suggests that the blanket is made out of another pig. It is?

So it's like, yeah, but like, imagine if it was like, oh, Carl, I'm cold in Harry's in his loft, slash attic. And I cuddle him. Oh, give us a blanket and you threw him a blanket. up made out of another human. That's what essentially it is, isn't it? A pig in blanket. It tastes good though, don't it.

I don't like them. I think we've mentioned it. I'm sure. You don't like rosages wrapped in bacon? Rossages. Rossage, mate. Richmond Rossage. Is that our friends?

If you get them in Japan. It's a rosages, mate. You don't like a sausage wrapped in bacon? I don't like a sausage. At all. I like a very well done black sausage on a barbecue with a lot of fried onions. I'm not eating like rogue snossages.

Like I'm not... You wouldn't have like an odd dog at like a festival? Only if I'm like, can you put it back in the fire? Like it has to be... It has to be singed. It is a potential food poisoning thing? Sort of. And also I don't like that...

Don't do that then? You know that noise? When you're biting to a sausage... If I bite a sausage, it's got a crunch. I know it you mean. But I mean, it doesn't bother me. Mush. Sausage mush.

A Richmond next to a thing. I do prefer a well-done sausage. I will give you that. It's the only way. A barbecue sausage in someone's garden is heavily. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Might do a barbecue in a couple of weeks. Get the gang round.

I'm there. If I'm invited. I'm going to go with the... I like yours, because it might be true. I reckon it was... I don't remember after them when I was a kid, but I also don't remember me... That's a low-level...

Just, can I... Can I just do a PSA for our listeners? That's a low-level conspiracy. That's what we're looking for. Yeah. George W. Bush fucks kids. Low-level consistency. Stephen Orkin making electronic music

is not the same level as George Bush shagging kids. No, but it's not low-level, like tissues, companies making tissues. And also, low-level conspiracy. All people who work in call centres are also talented musicians. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, I think that's low-level.

I mean, it's funny. And that is my favourite this week. Yeah, that's definitely low. It's not like world. If someone told you that and that was factual, you'd go, bloody hell, we should start a band or something. But for a conspiracy...

They've got to be somewhat credible, though. For a conspiracy to be a conspiracy, there has to be some sort of benefit to the people conspiring. Yeah, they get to practice. And like, they get an air time. You can practice your satire whenever you want me. You don't have to wait for someone...

Oh, because it's an Indian one, is it? Indian cold sentence, is it? All all these fucking satires, me... No, but that's when you know. He's like, you're first. And he's like, hi, I'm Dave from Dell. And you're like, oh, all our call centers are in England. I'll just put you on hold.

And then it's gov in the net. You're like, no, this is not fucking new. Are we singing as well? Because I know that was Dave, I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's cool as shaker. Well, they're all recording the calls as well. So maybe they're just fishing for compliments.

Because if you go, I'm holding. Bloody hell, this satire's good. This is a real conspiracy, by the way. When you're on hold, you're never muted. They can always hear what you say. I actually think that's true. If you're like, hey, this fucking cunt do me. I didn't, they know, and then they give you a service then.

So you're meant to just be, like, play up to that. I compliment them. Like, all this lovely persons put me on, all these beautiful things. Sounds gorgeous. Got a big cock by the sounds of it. And he's great to playing his instrument. Yeah. You get served faster.

I, do you know, that thing? It's not a conspiracy, but if you just say human, I do it. Every time they go into like a, do you know, like a chat on like a website, I just put human. And I just say human. And I just keep, no, no, we're just trying to see what. Human and then they get you down the other.

Yeah. Let me speak to a human and then they eventually never. I can't be asked. There's going to be any humans there soon. Or on the press one, press two. If you just ignore it, someone will just go, yeah, you're all right. Yeah, yeah.

Or you press five and go, I'll have put your food right way anyway. Do you want to do I have a word? What was, was that the last one? My favourite was the... Oh, no, to be fair, there is one more in case this one. You said there was five. Yeah. William said low-level conspiracy.

No one actually likes fishing. and they just hate their wife. That's a good one. What's that I do with it? What's like I do with a place of fish? I don't get that one. Fish wives. People just want to 10 minutes on their own.

Oh, fishing. Fishing. Fishing. All hobbies that old men do are that. Yeah. Fishing. Dredible then. Bolen.

Golf is the biggest. Golf is, ah, babe, it's an hour's drive to the golf course. It's four hours to play. I'm having a pint afterwards. So I'll just see it in a day or two. Golf widows are a thing in a golf widow. I think Paddle, this is my low-level conspiracy,

was invented by someone who started but failed in his double glazing business and he had loads of glass left over. And he's like, we're going to have to invent some of it where I can use all this fucking glass. So he invented Paddle. It's tennis with walls. It's class.

I've only played it once, I didn't you. I've never played it. I think I'd be sick. I think you'd enjoy it. Do you want me sign us up for a two-on-two? Yeah. I'll come, yeah. I'll come and play paddle.

You need to buy a bat, though, because the ones there, they always stink. A bat? There's a bat in it. Is it a paddle bat? Is it a paddle? It's a paddle. Oh, yeah.

You need to go buy a paddle paddle. You can get one from the paddle centre and also the ones that are there normally good. I'll rent a paddle, but I'm not buying a paddle, me. Until you're all in on paddle. That will not happen. Like, I'll play it and go,

do you know what? Play it and don't tell anyone. That's the challenge of 2026. That's like having a French bulldog in it. I had a theory that if you went up to certain people and went, you know that French bulldog that you were going to buy for two grand, you can have it. But you can't post a picture of the dog on Instagram.

People would pay for it. Oh, so they can post a picture? They'd rather spend two grand on a dog that they could put pictures on than have the dog for free because they don't really want the dog. They want people to know that they've got a dog. They don't want a dog. I feel personally attacked you. No, I don't think you're,

you're, because you got a stupid, you wouldn't do that with your dog, I think. That dog's too much of a menace in two years when you're buying a bigger house and you're like, oh, what's happening?

The dog's too big for the house. The dog's buying the house? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. When your dog's getting, for getting it's bad so it could do the door at hot water. A lot of people, yeah, but that's so,

and it's not you, but a lot of people do things now just to show everyone. Is that most things now? Unfortunately. What was that? Isn't there just most things now? I don't think so.

Like, people will go and see live, I guarantee, people will go and see live music just to get the picture and say they went. Absolutely. And if you went, listen, you can't take pictures. I mentioned people, I'm like, I'm gonna. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. People need to be more in the moment, man.

Yeah, man. I mean, that's what brunch is as well, isn't it? That's what that fellow was getting at. It's like you take photos of your avocado. No, brunch is breakfast and lunch. It's a portman toe. It's together.

That's what it means. It's a poor man's toe. Poor man's toe, yeah. That's what I used to call it, a poor man's toe. I think you say, if I have a word for when Rob Thomas joins us. That sounds good.

That's time for a message from our favourite sponsor. It's Saly across the Mersey. And if you do Saly across the Mersey and you want an ESIM, Saly are the people to go to, Harry. We travel loads at this company, don't we? Absolutely.

We go round the world. And when we do, we need to stay connected to the people at home. stress free. On WhatsApp going, hello, where am I? Oh, I'm on top of Kilimanjaro?

I'm not because I didn't climb it. But, like, people do that, you know what I mean? Easy. We literally had Tanzania and E-Sims on our phone. You download the app. It's like three clicks. Dead easy. Pick how much you want. Pick where you're going.

Sailing provider. And there's no stress. You're not on all. You're going, oh, God, am I going to get hit with a big bill? No, you're not. And if you go to Saly.com slash have a word and use code to have a word.

You get 15% off. If you don't want to go to the website, Harry, what can you do? I think there's a little QR code here. Whoa, bloody hell. Throw it over here. Jeez, Harry. You can use this QR code.

Hang on in a minute. It's down here now. Harry, catch it. Catch you. Bam, back to it. It's there now. Bloody hell. Knock it away.

If you use that QR code, they'll use them codes. You get 15% off. It's just a no brain. If you go on an Aldina, some I use it and thank us later. It's the best. Sayley.

By now. There's another one. You have been cut on? Yeah. I did it cut yesterday into a shoutout number 47. Rob Thomas is here, by the way. Hey. He can sit this bit out.

I've got questions. Yeah, it feels great. So, as now a lot of us are getting bolder and you're getting older and you're accepting that you're getting older. You're the only person in this room getting bolder. Are you the same age as... How many comics in the North West?

No, Dan, 10 years, on me? Yeah. How old are you? 38. Oh, no, I'm 42. You're too. 10 years. And I was funny.

I thought you were like hard each day. It's funny to have a little drink here, isn't it? No, but you're now getting older and accepting it. Are you now, I've noticed, are you less caps now because you're a bit proud of the fact you've got here? No. Where when you were in your 30s, you're like, caps, I'm still young. Now you're like, I've got here now.

I'm looking at Nightingale and me and some of the other bold Northwest comics. Like, like, oh, let's get some tips off wrong. No, it's not the tips, but it's like you're showing off now. I feel like you go sans caps sometimes to show off now. No, but... I could have always gone sans cap. Nah, sometimes you're on a gig with bald comics and I've seen you go.

What caps? What caps? Sans cap. It's French for without. French for without. Oh, sorry. Falking ooh la la, la. French.

That's also French. You can't go, yeah, you can't go, ooh la la, sorry I don't know French. Bonjour! That wasn't fair. No. What was that? Bonjour.

You said, Bois-O. Yes, south of France, different dialect. Bordeaux. Is that more Japanese? It's the fat chef from Rattah Tzuie.

What it is, well, you might have noticed it recently, I've been growing my air. Yeah, yeah. And I think you're flexing. I think you're not flexing. What it is,

the reason I'm cappless a bit more is because when I used to have to maintain a haircut, as you know, well, as you would, someone will tell you, like a skin fade

and stuff grows out and looks shit, done it, after like a week. Yeah. So unless I just had my hair cut, I'd have a cap on. Do you have to shave your head every day? Every pretty much.

I have a razor in the shower. A wet, do you wet shave? And a wet shave it. Every time you get a shower. Do you ever cut you? So every day. Do you not shower every day? Most.

It depends if you're going on it anyway. Do you reckon you shower? What? If I'm not leaving it, I'm not show. Do you reckon you shower 365 times a year? Do you reckon there's no single day we haven't? I can more. I shower at least once a day, a most.

stage two and yesterday I had four. I reckon... So yeah, I do think I had 365. I reckon 360 for me. I reckon with Rob me. I'm like, sometimes I won't have a shower in the day.

If I'm not seeing anyone... Look, I understand if you've had a shower last thing before you went to bed and it's not a particularly humid night and you've had a relatively cool sleep and you wake up and you feel like you've still got the wash

from last night on you. Get up and crack home at your day. But at the end of that day you definitely need a wash again. No, sometimes I... No, because you might start the next morning again. Just like,

oh, I'm sleepy. Sometimes I'll do that. You know that thing where you don't put your coat on, like inside so you can feel the benefit? So I'll wait an extra, like if I've not had to say like you, I've had a shower at night on a Monday,

or say like Sunday, I've watched Poirot, I've had me shower. Monday, I don't really, there's no five aside, it's cancelled because there's exams. And then, are you playing with?

Sorry? Please say teachers. Oh, yeah. It's a good shout. It's because the hall, we rent the hall out from a school. and there's exam so we can't play footy.

So then I would normally Monday night but I'd go do you know what? Gonna leave it Tuesday morning feel the benefit. Oh yeah no there was no there was no football.

I can't get in bed and the back of my head's a bit sweat like that's your calves. It's a back head. I showered yesterday morning I showered after work when I got back because it was hot one of I shower before bed

and then after sex. Craig David there. Four showers in the last 24 hours. Ooh, it's been bars! I've won this one as well. I've won this one as well. You had five and 24 hours. Yeah?

It's not good for you though, is it? What a terrible episode of 24 that is. It isn't good to wash your skin that much with stuff. It isn't good to wash your skin that much. Bad? You watch the oil off your skin that much? We're not fish. A couple of those showers, I'm just, it's just the water.

Just wet. See, I haven't showered in three days because I was in a paddling pool. It, it... I hope. That's not true. Rob, we played for me. I'm in the Parvambleau.

Well, I've showered last night because we played footy, but two days before that, been in a paddling pool all day. I need to shower. Is that hose water? We're at a council bath, haven't you?

So you even hosed down for two days? Yes, essentially, yeah. Do you shower if it rains? Right, here's a question. Was it two days of paddling pool? Yeah. Did you change the water? Yeah, yeah.

You've been like bathing with like dead mozzies and that out of a night fill up again. That's out of a night fill up again because of it. Watch a night fill up again. Got a hot tap, cold tap outside, haven't we? Have you, yeah? Buzia, yeah.

Flex. What's that off tap for? For the paddling pool. Is that it? You've got a paddling pool tap. Yeah. That's... Hang on.

I've never aired that in my life. You put hot water in the paddlin pool? Yeah, you have to remember hot tap and a cold tap. And we start with the cold. And just before we get in. Five minutes are hot. I'd say 20% hot, 80% cold on a paddling pool. Yeah, but the whole fun of a paddling pool is getting in and go...

Is it? I've never known anyone to put anything but cold water in a paddle pool. You've never done anyone with a hot tap outside. We grew up poor. I didn't know. There was an option to have a hot tap. I didn't think it was possible. To the Polish fella come around and went,

do you want both taps? And I was like, well done on keeping your own voice. Yeah, I was going to say. I definitely thought that was going to be, you want the buffettles. I can't, well, I can't do accents. Do you make hot water balloons?

You had just been from C-4, not big all the right side to do that. Do you make hot water balloons? No, no. That feels our last. No, like, not boiling. Using hot water bottles. Yeah, but you can't control it.

It's not a mixer tap. It's just a hot tap and a cold tap. Oh, wow. So we'll just be boiling hot water. I don't have a mix of tap on the side. It's a boiling water tap. Make a pot noodle. It makes pot noodles in the garden.

It goes over. I can't be ass going to the kitchen. Just doing bruise straight from the tap. If you run your tap hot. Yeah. It goes very hot. It doesn't go boiling. I've got a boiling.

If you go's hot enough that, you can't put your hand on anything without going out. Yeah, but who runs it for that long? Yeah. Well, if you're filling up water, but are you going to be... Have you going to boil them up that? We haven't got one. No, I haven't got one of them, yeah. Cooker?

Yeah. Unbelievable. The best thing, I think the best thing in the house. Why? Because I get to fill a hot water bottle off when she asks in 30 seconds. Yeah, that's great, in it? December and January. No, she asked them for all the time for her belly.

Oh, right, yeah, okay, for anyone. So, how is it? Does it come out 100, like? No, no. Don't drink. Don't drink tea. Do I don't drink? Cekyll drink? Like, genuinely pot noodles, they're easy. Teas, they're easy. I just, I wouldn't trust that, me. That's the most offensive thing anyone's ever, like, suggested that I eat pot noodles.

Like, come on, mate. Why not? Don't eat a pot noodle. You've never had a pot noodle. I've never had a pot noodle. And that's not like a... So I'll tell you not like them then? Do you eat noodles generally?

I eat stir fry. I eat yakasoba. Yeah? But I don't, that's not. They're not doing a pot noodle at the siam, are they? What are you? No. soup no no soup no i haven't i've told you they i haven't eaten soup since

1996 with dana waste day we should have done a danny versus food it was actually mentioned yesterday was it what was you gonna what was you gonna hit me with no it was just like oh right mooted well i was the one who actually turned it down i think we've got pot noodles there i think in the next section you're doing danny versus we only if we can fill him with rob's tap we've got a pot noodle there would you just bite with him no what you're giving a go what flavors are But it's actually vegan, even though chicken mushroom. I don't think I could. I mean, I'll do it.

Is what do the kids say, I'll do it for content. Rob, do you only do it? You just offer me a pot noodle, eh? Yeah, go ahead, yeah. Rob, do you want a pot noodle? Hey, Rob, do you want a pot noodle? It's just like... Hey Rob, Rob, do you want to have a nice five minutes?

Come on the car, yeah? It's just noodles, they're not like, mind blowing. They're just like really serviceable. So what, if they are just that, what's the... Because it's quick? And easy. No, why the negative connotations of pot noodle?

Why is it, why is no one ever really gone? Actually, they're all right. The people who eat them? No, they are. I'll do that for you. Actually, they're all right. Okay.

But I think the, the connotation is the fact you can get them for a quid. Right. And it's meant to be like a meal. Yeah, yeah. It's poverty shame. Like microchips.

Yeah, it's like, oh, you eat pot noodles in bed all day. It's like, well, that's all you can afford. Yeah, but that's what it is, in it's not the pot noodle. It's the bed all day. It's the people who eat noodles in bed.

I was in the chair the flat with a girl who eventually was on Made in Chelsea and she made the pot of Newt. Which one? What was the girl? Phoebe, her name was. Phoebe Letters Thompson. Oh my God. Lettus like the veg?

I think so. You'd have to, you have... Well, Letters Thompson, like Letters pray at church. Letters Thompson. Because I used to watch it. I don't remember. She was late around. She wasn't one of the ridges.

Not like a binky. No, she wasn't a binkie, no. She was like the Channel 5 Big Brother people. Yeah. He's her antithesis here, isn't she? Like a posh woman named after a vegetable. She's horrible here, by the way. It was so funny when she moved...

Phoebe Lettuce Everton. When she moved into the flat, she's just, like, just cosplay and being a student. So she'd gone to a shop and done a big shop of things she didn't understand. So one of the things was a pot noodle. And they're, like, two months in, she'd ran out of, like, things, actual food. And she tried to make a pot noodle in a bowl.

She couldn't understand where. it wouldn't work. And I was just sat there laughing at her. She's like, that's, I poured the pot noodle out into the bowl and just filled the bowl with hot water.

I was like, what the fuck is this? She just, mate, she's just way ahead. She invented pot ramen. It wouldn't work. It wouldn't work.

It wouldn't work. It wouldn't work. She didn't understand. It's called pot noodle because it's in a pot. It's perfectly proportioned for you, isn't it? You fill it to the line.

You mix it. There you go. You're ready to go. She poured it all into a bowl and then half it come out, half it didn't. She's there smacking it. and she poured the whole kettle

into the show. She's just a bowl of water. It's a bowl of chicken and mushroom, flavoured water. Oh, I do actually recognise her. I do actually recognise her. Can I have a look at that, Harry? Uh,

not a bit of me, that. Could you turn your brightness now? It's almost too easy to see. Not sensitive eyes. Yeah, I remember her. We will she... That's mad, that? That was at uni.

You were there? Yeah. No, that you was at uni? What are you studied? Leeds Beckett? No, Leeds Meath. Leeds, what? Leeds Met. Leeds what? Leeds Met. Well, that's Leeds Beckett, is hope. Did you move?

How was it? I thought Leeds Matt became Leeds Beckett. Oh, maybe it did. Then maybe it was Leeds Becker then. Did you move to Leeds? Yeah, yeah. Two years in Leeds. I can't imagine you not live in where you live. No, he commuted. I just, but that makes more sense than you not living in Bootle. Well, it made me become more, more brutal.

I went to Leeds to become more brutal. You know where... Actually, I can't imagine. You know, Andy Dufraying goes to prison to become a criminal? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I went to Leeds to become a beetlehead. Move to Leeds and become a proper, bit of lead. What did you study?

English literature. Like books and that, mate, yeah. The shitter of the English. Basically, he had loads of, like, loose tables in the house. So when he came back, he realised that you could put, like, a copy of a book underneath. And he knows the length of more than this study. Yeah, yeah, exactly. He's like, oh, that'll be a war and peace that one.

Oh, that table's foot. That's a war and peace. I was thinking like maybe a Dr. Jackal and missed her eye, just a little, that fucking war and pieces of... Did you have any intention to use your degree? No, my dad just said that to go to uni. All right. That's quite a hard subject to pick as like a sit-off one, though.

No, it's the easiest one. Is it? Yeah. Reading? Because there's no right answer. Issues to yours. It just comes out good you are at arguing. What I'm better than most people are.

What I love about that is that I would argue that there's no wrong answer. but Rob made a bit that there's no right answer whatever a right's going to be fucking shy anyway. Let's have a discussion about this kids there's no right answer. What's your claim of book Rob? Because you must have read now, sure.

That's my favourite book? Yeah. Come on, Carl. I didn't even read them when I was in uni. You just read the York notes. That one about the caterpillar's good, isn't it? Yeah. It goes through the apple and that.

Relate to that one loads well. It's a good one. It's when you become fight, become beautiful. Do you not read at all, no? I'd never read me, no. Never, ever. Read Twitter. Even that's dying.

Yeah. I read the affid, I actually pat myself on the back because I've got a subscription to the athletic. That's like long form football articles. That's good. I've got a subscription to the New York Times. Is that just for Waddletic?

And it gets me all the games to come with WERD. Yeah, for WERD. What's your favourite out of them? I like Pips. are like connections. I've never heard Eddie. When he plays Pips, you know.

Pips is class. What is Pips? It's a domino-based game. You have to like sort of, I'll show you it at a minute. You can only play it if you're disabled. Do I get it? It's a PIP, Joe. That's what it used to be called.

Disability benefit. DLA. Was it? Disability living allowance. Now it's Pips, yeah. We're playing the DLA, me. Do you play the DLA, me? the games as well.

Occasionally. I download. I've got them, but I don't, I play them occasionally and then... If I miss a day on Whirl and lose my streak, it drives me fucking insane.

See, my... I've never, I've never lost a world. I started playing a joke, I was like, it's too easy. That's such a Rob Thomas thing, like, hashtag never lost a wordle. Yeah, yeah.

Like, it's such a, like, that's like, so far we've been speaking, what, like, 15 minutes and it's like, the Rob Thomas Fleck, I've got a fucking hot tap in my garden and I've never lost a wordle.

Love it. I think I'm officially 84 and no and Connect 4 as well. Oof. Never lost to Connect 4. That's a lie. Have you got a cheat? No, no. You always go the middle.

Best out of three, you know? You always go best of three. Oh, so you've lost games. Oh, I've lost single games. Fucking hell. Andy Djokovitch lost 49% of the points he played. Andy Jockovic? What's his name?

Novak Djokovic? Pro Evolution tennis. He lost them all him. Andy Jokhovich. His brother. Who's shite? No, you thought Novak was good. brother, fucking hell, he just wouldn't go.

That's what people say when he's like, hey, is Djokovic any good? Oh, he's fucking Andy Jokovic. Who should have seen his kids? You can't love the ale too much. I really want to go and buy Kinek for the second section. I think you're like it. We absolutely have to do that.

What are you talking about? You're welcome to say. When did you start counting? At one? When I started playing for money? When did you start counting? When I started playing for money? You've got kids?

I just talked about. I think he's playing. Yeah, a child with no pocket money now. So at number one. one you went from now I want to count my for money. For the minute I started playing for money I'm an hour. How much you bet? What? How much do you bet? Well, it depends on you

playing. Okay. I'll have you a best of three game of Connect Four for a hundred quid in the next section. Okay. Okay. Wow. Oh, it's like Molly's game. Gay film by the way. Do you know it's meant to be, you know, it's funny in it? Oh, fuck it. Spider-Man. Yeah. Oh, you know the idea of the after. I didn't know. No, yeah, Toby McGuers.

Toby McGuire, yeah. The Magist's a Marry's a game. No, I don't know where it is. It's a good one. You can fucking love it as well. It's a woman who set up a gangland racket. A legal connect for competition. And it's all based on

real people. She's like politicians, sports stars, and there's a guy in it who's a cock and it's based on Toby McGuire, apparently. Yeah, he tries the bully out of round game. Oh, shit. It's a fucking boss. It's not as good as rounders, though,

if we're talking about poker films. Hey, we're talking about Polish accents. Are we? Give him his. money. It's great. Have you seen Rounders? No. I thought you were just saying like poker's not as good as a game of rounds. I mean, I would argue that as well. Because when you're playing poker, no one goes, poker, poker, poker. I was walking through, uh, Sefton Park today and there was a load of,

like, students playing rounders and I was so jealous. I nearly like rang you and was like, can we just go and buy a bat and come and play rounders? Me and you. I'd love to. Mate, you could be the manful of rounders. Rose Ramble. I'm trying to bring it back. Double R&L. By the way, last time I was on,

I was having a big kickoff about Kirby. Have you seen you can buy Kirby now? I've seen it in people's gardens and it looks fucking incredible. It's fucking mad, isn't it? What? You can buy Caribbean? So last time I was on here,

I've got to think, I don't think anyone should have more than one car, any family. Right. And one of the reasons being kids can't play in the street anymore, too many cars. Can't play Kirby anymore,

no space. One's awake, and car doesn't count. Right. It's like dogs, in it? Yeah, yeah. You have a pet, you have a working dog. It's not the same.

Anyway. Just though, how many of you got, though, two? Two. Okay, cool. Anyway. Everyone but Rob. Yeah. Is your miss just got a car as well?

No, I haven't got two cars personally. And the second car, the working car, I imagine it's quite a compact one though, so it doesn't take much on the street, it doesn't... It's on the drive. It's a panda cab, isn't it? It's that big.

It's a ginormous car. All right, we've had this point. Go back and watch. Episode whatever. Anyway, anyway, one big point was, Kirby's down. No one plays Kirby anymore. And now they've invented

Kirby in a box, at your own curb, put it in your back garden, and you've played Kirby. I'd argue that because loads more people are on disability fiddles, the rise of the drop curb has stopped people playing Kirby. Ooh. Conspiracy. Low-level conspiracy.

Everyone's got a drop cab. That's not true, though. Like, one in 40 hours has got a drop cab. Oh, hold on. You don't live in West Derby anymore. That is the no-ball game. Have a little...

West Harby had loads of... In fact, most drives are most having got drop curbs. Yeah, because everyone's on the fiddle. Yeah. Might... I don't know. You're in a fiddle. You're a drop-cub straight away.

A little... Council come and do your... A little thing. I'll charge your house. A little drop-cour. I think it's just so people can drive up their path. Yeah, it's because they've all got drive-ways. I think it was with a drive-way and not a drop-kir-s had a thing.

You're burs your tides if he's out of your park. You know if you put a drive and you're outside your house, the council won't put a drop kerb and you have to pay for your own drop kerb. But if you say you need it, like you've got a limp, yeah. Yeah. And your cars are so-soe, straight into a game of Kirby. Yeah, yeah.

Just like limp in the middle there and catch the ball and they're just put off the equipment before they get you. What about the cars? You've got more points over your head, over cars. Well, I haven't seen it. Not stationary. I haven't bought it yet. No, but I'm saying if it's in the guard. them little yellow red ones you pushed that through it and you grow up

over. Yeah, your little fish of price. A little tight. Yeah, your little car. That's what I called the little tikes. The red car with the yellow roof? I call it. Do you buy your lad one? Do you like that one?

Nah. We had a green one. It didn't feel right. Oh, Fisher Price one? Yeah, the whole time. They're not Fisher Price are they? Aren't they little tight? Yeah, but he's in Seftan, isn't he?

So it's not like, it's like per the pins up there. It's a green, red and yellow car. I always thought they were little fish of place cars. Yeah. Oh, Little Takes ones have eyes on them. Oh, fucking Oolah, lad. Over there. It has got fucking eyes on it.

But it is, it is yellow and red in it, the Little Tikes. Yeah, but I think so is the Fisher Price Car. Oh, beef. Oh, I had a green and grey one. Fuck. How old is your son? 45. An M.G.

When I go on runs now, sometimes Robble just reply to my story, just saying what I know with them on. You sounded like the shittest drug mule ever. When I go on runs. And it's like a really impressive party trick. It's just like Alexandra Drive. Do you ever play Geogessor? What?

Do you ever play Geo Gessor? Yeah, but I can only do it in Boutel. Oh, well, we did that the other night. It was class. We did. We smoked everyone. Yeah, we did Liverpool Geogessor. Bredano's Road came up, you'll know that.

Bresnaus. He knows. It should be a brass house on there. Ellie's got a... There's a... I think that might be the one where I really got caught in. Really, yeah? And you know that, but I recognise the doorway when really got caught.

Have you ever dropped off of Blassar? Yeah, he used to drop off on the way outside them. Yeah, and would you wait? So when I used to work in Burtle to like two or three o'clock, you go out, you go and wait outside the Brass House, so all the clubs and that were closed. And then someone from like town or the will, what used to happen, right?

Just like, you know, inside the trading here. There used to be three main brass houses, one in the Whittle, one in Boutle, one in town. Now, if someone got to be Cab in Boutle and wanted to go to a Brass House, I'd go town or the Widdle. You wouldn't let on those one in Boutle, unless they went.

Raise nose road and you go, all right, you local, fuck off. And then, so you go, whittle or town. Whittal or town? Because you get the extra fear. Nice. And every brass house used to give you a 25 quid as well.

For taking them there. And then if they were in town, they'd go whittle or bootle and, etc. But would you want to be going, if you was in bootle, would you want to be going to the brass house in bootle? Just where everyone could be like, hey! I would mean if you're at a bootle head?

No, probably not. Like, he was more out of town, as than anything else. They only really went there on an like an in-sea weekend and stuff like that. Did you get kickback for every passenger? Like every drop-off? That's, you must be making till they, me.

Well, it used to be if you come in. Again, if you're the local, you used it regularly, you think it was 55-quid. And if you weren't, it was 75-quid, and then they give the 20-quid to the cabby. Do you get a stamp on your card? You probably make them more than the woman. Yeah.

A 55-quip-fee? You're getting 25 of it? No. Those rides, aren't me? 55 quid, if you were local, so you're a regular, so they didn't give a kickback to the taxi. If you were, uh,

like if you brought someone in, you were to, you were to, like a wool or on a lip-pour for the weekend. Finish somewhat. Like 75 quid, and then you give a kickback to the taxi driver, 20 quid.

Right, so there's 75% less. 20 out of 20, I would say. The mul or the mar of the house, what do they call? Like the pussy? The madam. The madam.

The madam, that's the one. The madam. The madam, or the pimp. I'd say the woman probably ended up with 40 quits. Many pimps and butle, Rob? Many pimps in Burtle? She's not making 80%. No, mate, the pimps taken 25%?

Canadians aren't making that. One, one. They're not pimps, the madams. I've never seen a male one there. I've never seen a male even though. But yeah, I'd say 15 quid to the house. Female businesses. It's a little bit like her,

it's like 15 quid to the house, 40 quid to the Libra. There's no pimps there either. Well? Probably if it was a male thing. What about like marketing though? There's got to be a little kickback of marketing. The lechy.

That's when the 15 quits of the madam goes to the house. She owns it. The madame's part of the brunette. Yeah, yeah. If it was a fella, it'd be 30 quid, though, and it's gender pay. Yeah, probably. So were you on first name basis

with loads of madams? Like, did they go, oh, Rob's here? Not now. Oh, you've stopped. You just let on. It was years ago. You still let on to them.

You'd be on Southport as well. Did they ever be like, do you want to on the house? And then you'd have to be like, no. Yeah. Be an awkward slip. I put your beard, Dad.

Are you in my knee? you're all right, love. How'd you know where? She runs a brass house. But she's me? Yeah, did you say, do you want to come in?

Nah, nah, can't be arse, love. Nah, no, not tonight. Tomorrow.

On Sunday, maybe. I haven't had a shower today. Been in a paddlet pool all day, love you don't want now. The coffee van I go to a morning, like the milkman

who drops the milk off there, like he gets a free coffee. They always give him a free coffee. That would have been new, Which one, Middle? A blowy. A blowy for your troubles. Go on, men.

Yeah, while I'm waiting. But that's what people used to. Sometimes if there was no cabs out, you'd wait, if you'd drop off and you'd wait and then he'd come back out and you'd have the clock running the whole time. Oh, sir. I even know, but he wouldn't say nothing

because what are you going to say? Can you tell us more? Have you all got screwdriver in your doors for maintenance? I used to have a, no, most was that I had wheel brace. Oh, yeah? It's for maintenance is not for beating people up,

in it? Well, it's a tire pops. You got a wheel. Breastman next to you, think. Yeah, no, I'm not a cop. Rob. Okay, cost. All right, cop.

But you all had, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Has anyone ever tried to talk someone? That's the ultimate, like, fair, that. I've talked someone out to go on to Boutle to the Whittle. What do you mean?

I've talked to local, how to go on from Buttle to the one in the Whittle. No, what I mean is, has anyone ever got in your taxi? I'm tired to go to all. And you've gone, right, I'll take you the Whittle one. And then, by the way, mate, there's like a thing here. It's not the Otley run. It's like a mothcrawl. I've had someone go to more than one, yeah.

Really? Yeah. It's not sure. Beechhead, any peak head can't get it up. And they get back in the taxi and they convince themselves they're going to be able to do it.

What I love is that they go to that one and they're like, oh, it was the airfold. Well, that's what they do. You go, nah, fuck, like, they're not, like, peaked off the tits. And if you know anything when you peaked off your titch horny as fuck. So, like, they get in, not on, nothing happens because they got beat tick.

And they get back in a taxi, convinced themselves. It was the ship brasses and the basses were ugly. Beautiful brasses, it must have been. Any better brass. Yeah, let's tell you want to be better. The ones in Birkenhead. Well, no.

Well, the ones in the Whittle used to be ran by, so there was a Pimp, ran by a Chinese guy. And famously, I'd pay page free models and stuff in, I'm on. Wow. Big money. That was a better one, but it was a bit more money.

That one also did, that one used to do speciality stuff. I was going to say they weren't just paid free model. Oh, honey. We looked at each other and refrained. What did he say? Fried rice. It's like black penis, I don't know.

Well, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I've got a mate who's banned from the one in the Whittle, or was banned from the one in the Whittle. Why? It's too big. Why is your mate ban from a brass house on the Whittle, Rob? Because he, um, he wanted the fixiation. What? He wanted the fixiation.

Belt tied around his neck, plaster bag on his head. Wow. And he, um, you nearly, you know, you have to sign a waiver. Like, payball. Yeah. I don't get this I've never got this point Why are you sign a wave at a brass house

Who's that for? Did you use your belt? I don't know I don't know I didn't know I didn't ask that I didn't ask that I didn't ask him

He went home No I think the belt's gotta be like Health and Safety Chish So why is he banned Because he nearly died He wanted to carry on So they'd be suffraised them And they were like

Listen Oh he went out You're like You're like You're like I want to carry on And they're like Absolutely not

He's like, nah, no, I'm probably got a bit of a cob on a bar, not being able to carry on. So they just said, no, listen, don't come back here. So it's sad that because the truth is, that's just a lack of confidence in that man. That's a lack of security in who he is. Because really, he should be going to his misses go and I want this, and he feels like he can't go and talk to him. See, I don't believe that. No, no, see again. Or he's single?

I disagree, because I think you don't want your wife, you want that, you, like, the woman you're in, you're in love with and you spend every day with. and in my case is the mother of my children in your case might eventually be the mother of children you don't want to look at her and go fucking slack No but she's not a view You don't ever want to you don't want me I think that's your issue

If you go to your message Will you do this for me and she goes for you Yeah And then you go you're a whore you If she's doing it with other people No so again right again I've come across around me I've come across right

I've come across back with here But I mean there's certain things where you're like No she's special so I don't want her to do the dirty, horrible things. I don't, I don't like it afterwards. Because after he does, he probably doesn't feel good about himself.

I imagine now, he just woke up in a brass house with a bag on his head. No one goes, wow, you don't feel great. This same mate went to Amsterdam pre-ordered the brass as well. Pre-ordered?

Like, call the duty? Like, because of what he wanted, he wanted to get, where he was Amsterdam, he wanted to get, Lexingtoned. So you had to, like,

you have to, Put, you know, he didn't want to get electric restaurants and they're like, oh, the duck takes half an hour, so you have to tell us before. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you have to tell us, you're going to have it. So he was like, he went to, but that's like, if you want these certain things, you have to let us know so we can get it all set up. So we wanted electrocuting, so. He didn't want electrocute and I'll tell you why he didn't, he wanted an electric shock. Electrocution is execution via electricity. Okay, he wants electric shock then.

I've been electrocuted. Oh, that's interesting. So what? Because I've been electrocuted and I've gone, oh, well, well, yeah. So I haven't. All right. That's good to know. Yeah.

Or maybe he did one. I was the same. Maybe he did one executing. Yeah. Not in here, love. Play all the that. Yeah. So do you want to put...

A lot of weird mates. Are you wrong? This is what mates? See here. Any of the mates do some mad shit? This is what mate this. Is it? Yeah.

Tell us about your racist mate. Is there any more taxi? Like, do you all eight Uber or when you were on the... What did you say? Do you all eight? Do you use all eight? Do you blacks or not? Probably own it, no and them. On the blacks, on the, you know, the hackneys.

Does the hackney sound like? What, do the blacks ate Uber? Is that, like, there's loads of like Jew ate Uber. It's like, oh, fuck them. I sort of, I, I've slowly come off them by the time as Uber got big, so I sort of missed all that. But yeah, they do. I think they more hate now. have you ever seen like there's like Wolverhampton plates

work in Liverpool and that's the big like everyone hates them now they're not from Wolverhampton are they no it's just basically this is the thing that I have to keep telling me dad when he's like fucking they're all driving they're not they're just registered at Wolverhampton Council because it's easier

yeah yeah carbies and Wolverhampton are going do you know where the big jobs are Chester's too but there's loads of Chester ones in Manchester now all it happens is every council gets to make because when they're short on money. We'll go, oh, we're short on money. Let's just

loosen the taxi regulations and everyone goes there and then they make a bit of loads of money and then they just tighten them again because they're scared like any comeback. And then that's that's so Sefton was a big one for ages. Sefton, Rochdale and Wolverhampton for ages with the only three you'd say. I think Wolverhampton are still sort of like, they're the goats. They're really pushing it like fuck it. Like you have to get, because I remember, I remember my taxi driver fell asleep in Uber and I told them we got banned from each other. I could never get him again.

right and the email me went we send them for some health checks and stuff blah blah but it's just tired of some long day do that as a is anything you have to like stick to as a black taxi driver see that's one of the good things where I've been a black tax driver no one checks on you no regs right there is but

it's like good things as a consumer if I fall asleep does fucking no one for you to talk to I'm self-employed you've got to wake me up to complain hey yeah he might say I was just fell asleep as he cheeky cunt I want to know the underworld

I want to know the underbelly of the taxi game We've never really spoke to you about this when you've been on There's not loads much like all I mean Must be What's the worst? What the worst? The worst custom you've ever had? Like what's the worst interaction you've ever had

Or a customer? Is it the one that ran off? There's loads ran off. It happens all the time. What do you do? You just walk off. Yeah, just do. Normally you can feel it only like

it's fine. Yeah. Is it fine? Again, you get so used to it. It's like, oh, you just know, you just know, you can't be arsed anymore, you know. Haven't you got to door stuff? Yeah, but even then, it's like,

am I going to spend half an hour? You get in, and after a couple minutes, you go, this cunt's got no money. So I'm going to spend half an hour to have no money off him. Just kick him out then? Just go, just get the mouth, yeah. Oh, you kick them up before,

you just go, like, get out. Normally I'll just go, oh, actually, I don't have to get paid up front here or something, or I've got another job to go to and then I go and you're like, just get out, go on. Yeah, yeah. But like, yeah. I think that should be pretty defaults,

especially if people are pissed. You should be able, as a cabby, be able to go, mate, look, it's going to be 40 quid, I think. Yeah. To get you to where you're going. Anything that a few miles out of the boundary, we're allowed to just name a price. Oh, really? Yeah.

So, like, with me, that's from, so Kirkdale, so anything past town, I could go, I want 100 quid. and you can go, no, it's like fair enough. Oh, really? Get another taxi then. But inside the bounty, you just got to do. Is it true that you're, as a, like a hackney driver,

you're not allowed to refuse a job? No, I know. Yeah, yes and no. So I can quote the job. If it's inside the boundary, I can't refuse it. If it's outside, two more than two miles outside the boundary, I'll just quote you so much that you won't want to pay. And that's basically me refusing a job.

But if you, if you quote me and I say, yeah, can you then go nice, they'll can't be asked. I don't know It's just never happened No one's ever gone It's like when I should do a wedding You go yeah Give me 10 grand to ruin your day

And you go Yeah No one never says yeah There's nobody ever grasped on You know to like the For what I'm saying if you never done nothing I want to tell the council on you

And they get your badge number Or whatever Oh I love that You have to give me your badge number Shut up you Yeah and car These are people who work for the council They're not gonna make work for themselves

Unless it comes in And goes I've been sexually assaulted They're gonna go off fucking they're asked. Like, unless it's serious. Only he overcharge me. They're not going to go, well, I'm not going to go looking for this person. There is statement.

Go and find your statement to me. They just go, fucking, my right. You ever complain about acne? Just think you're complaining to a civil servant. You're giving them more work, so they're probably going to go. Yeah. It's good to know. I like to know.

The inside of a taxi game, all new content here. When you hear Paddy McDonald and he talked about it, like I've done loads the same things as him. used to be, you used to sell dodgy vodka from the back of my taxi. That's such a good idea. Dodgy vodka, siggies.

When you say dodgy vodka, you just mean vodka you shouldn't be selling or like, but just vodka that was stolen from the back of a lot of. Yeah, but not like that you've made yourself

in your paddling pool. No, no, no. It's not. Rob said for 30 seconds, it becomes vodka. Yeah. During 90, we used to sell, this has been,

the scallies do this now, or when I say young kids, this now, we used to just have like flip-flops in your cab. Yeah, that's good. Like from Primarch. Oh, for that.

And you just sell them to the girls and they're getting out, so the thing. Umbrellas. Say, well, you knew it was going to rain. Just go and get a load of umbrellas from somewhere. They're cheap and just sell them

as people go out. People driving past a field full of cows. Go on foot. This is all interweekend and stuff. And you're not on them, no more properly, are you? No.

You do like a book job. I've still got it. Can you take us the airport? And I'll do friends and family. And sometimes I'll do nine till smackhead. I like to play that game where I'll drop my lad off at school. I walk home. I'll get in my cab and I'll work till I see a smackerd.

And the latest staff managed in Boutles, 12 o'clock. I'm so confused by that metric. It's just a little game of playing myself. Will you just see one on the street? I'll just work till I see a smacked. Oh, I thought you meant to one tries to get. No, no, until I come into interaction. Oh, right.

So you're not waiting on. No, no. Even then, they don't come out early smackheads. Do you know, Liddle don't have security on before, 12 o'clock. Because there's no smack heads out at that time in the morning. So Liddle don't put schority on. I think it's 10.

I think it's 10. I've seen them in the morning. No, not before 10, you haven't? I have. Nah. That's how they're so cheap, because he works on a skeleton staff. So they will only put security yards on

after 10 o'clock because no one's really robbing on the way to work. Oh, no, I don't mean I've seen Liddle. I've seen smackheads in the morning. Right. Yeah, foe. Chester. Maybe they get the... That's where they all are.

Sporn there every morning. and they spread out across the country. Apparently in COVID, do you live close with Doss House? We put all the smackheads on a bus and sent them to Wrexham in Chester. Really? Apparently, yeah.

How many buses? Drew him over the border. I don't know. For what reason? Just didn't feel like. Just like the wire. Just like Rexham. Yeah, yeah.

Like St. Patrick and they're coming. Amsterdam? I'm trying to keep the COVID numbers down because they were probably spreading it. Maybe. Maybe. You know what they never had COVID? That was low-level.

Smackheads never had COVID. Capital cities do and the Olympics got there, don't they? all the homeless people disappear where they drive them all to California they just moved them to the next city in Russia they did it didn't he

they did it in Paris they did it in Japan like their homeless people just disappear I thought famously they didn't do it in Paris which is why everyone hates Paris but join the Olympics there's no homoice people near the Olympic village

they can't hide them they can't have offences have you not seen smackheads clearly never had to chase one who's your affair I mean smackhead didn't There was one feather in Ormskake that used to roller skate everywhere.

That was like... I don't think he was a smackhead. He's like the coolest smackhead. People talk about him. The smack head. Do you have a smack head to talk about him? Remember fucking skates McKenzie, lad. He was quality of him.

I'm not sure if he was smackered or he was just old. He got banned from Ormskirk for roller skating. The whole of Ormskirk? The whole of all of Armstrong. I reckon he was sitting on top of that. No, it was because he was dangerous. He was fast. So Ormskirk were like...

He's so fast. It's scary. Yeah, yeah. He was dark. You live in a cartoon world. Genuinely, there'll be someone from home skaters go, yeah, of roller skating. So he used to, his bedroom was in the loft.

That's it. They used to close the hatch when he went to bed. So he was just locked in there. Because otherwise it was in the way of the landing. And you'd roll out. Yeah, but you could open it from the inside of kind of. I could open it down, but the ladder wouldn't be there. So they kept the ladder off you.

Yeah. So I'd be like just stuck up there. Where was, sorry. Sorry. Sorry, sorry. When you were locked in, where was the ladder? So the ladder was like attached to the hatch, but you couldn't actually get it down without,

especially me as like, I was like nine. If I were to reach over and I would have just fallen down. So like someone had to get it from the bottom. Yeah, but what you could do though was climb to the bottom of the hatch ladder. Then slowly lowly shelf down, couldn't you? What you could have done was phoned social services or Esther Ranson. and being like, I can't, I can't live with these parents anymore. I'm stuck in the loft.

Attic. I mean, it was, honestly, it was fine. And then I got, I got moved out to. Then you're the bedroom like Harry Potter? Yeah. I know. How old was you nine when this was? Probably from the age of about eight to 12, maybe.

What about you need to be a piss? Yeah. Well, that, that was a problem. I think there was one night I pissed out onto the roof. On the velox, straight out of the velox. Because there was a little, there was a little window. and it's like, because I go... The skylights.

I was also a shy kid, do you know what I mean? Like, I was calling me to give Harry a bed. Hold on, hold on. They're famous, they're normally in a roof like that, aren't he? So how have you angled to piss outside of that? They come out like that, don't they? So you can... Yeah, I used to have one in my room.

But like, you could stand up to it so about there. There's no way I'd be able to piss out of it. I stood on the bed, I think. And you could get your crotch out of it? I mean, it was a problem. I remember... I remember distinctively being so desperate to piss that I pissed on it.

Just so you're aware of, I don't think it was like meant to be a functional toilet. I don't think it was designed. I didn't know. Open the window. I remember, I remember afterwards being like,

wet. Like, the bed was wet, yeah. Like, worried, like I'd done a crime, like worried

that was going to get caught. Because, like, how do you explain to your dad that you've been pissing out the, off of the room? You go, A, dad,

it's because you keep lock on me in the loft. Yeah. No, but that was the agreement. You pissed on the room. That was the agreement. I was,

they were like, You're in the loft now and I said, yeah, okay. Also, I feel if they can believe in a smackhead in roller skates, they can believe that you had a piss out of the window. It's not egregious. To be fair, smackers probably slight because I think he was just someone's granddad, but I don't know, he had smackhead built,

but he was just roller skating everywhere. And that's a fact that you got banned from Wormskates. I think there should be a maximum age on roller skates. Maybe there is an arm's game. Like 20, if you like, maybe is sad. Like football shirts or the thing. Yeah, and like football stickers. I'm seeing grown men talking about their,

football that have you got? You don't think people should be allowed to wear a football shirt? What he means is he can't wear one? So no one else should be able to. I just don't agree with it. You don't agree with what? It's a piece of clothing. It's not, is it? Yes. It is, literally. What's wrong with it? What's wrong with it? What is wrong with it? You're a grown man?

You wear an NFL jersey? I don't. Very. So you do? Yeah. To be fair though, he looks more like like at least you could go. He might be playing. I'm closer to an NFL player than you are to up a baller. It's true.

You do weird. It's just like, what are you doing? What are you doing when you're in NFL? Why are you pretending to be like, why you're pretending? No, you're not pretending. You are, no.

That's why they do it. Come on, Dan, it's not supporting. You're pretending. No, it isn't. It is. I buy shirter teams I don't own any evidence.

So are you pretending to be an NFL player when you put your little Kansas City top on? But when I put my Kansas City top on, it is normally only ever the Super Bowl and I'm basically cos-playing similar to you now I'm cos playing a yank. That's what I'm doing. After-s football parties.

In your party. It just comes out of me. I'm at the party. It's like when you go to Disney World, Disneyland. You've been angry around with them pimps too much. Party bitch. 25 pounds in a world, motherfucker. If I wear an NFL jersey, it's

basically fancy dress. Do you have a red helmet? Do I have a red helmet? Did you have a blue woman? You were pissed on the roof. Stop changing a subject. Podcast. Ask him later.

What color is you not? Rob, you're talking to shite. I'm not? Yes, you are. It's not. And your little lad got a footy kid? Yeah, because he's five and a half. What does that mean?

Is he pretending to be a footballer? Yes. He goes in the garden and pretends to be a footballer. He shouts the names and he goes and scores. So Rob, what is the difference between Carl wearing

an Everton top and you wearing a Kansas City Chief stop? What is the difference? Once again, when I'm wearing it, I'm playing pretend. I'm pretending. I'm a big fat yank

and I am doing basically fancy dress. Cool. So let's say Carl's doing that as well. Every other day the week he wears a... I don't wear football shirts and part I'm not for about two years. But if he did,

What would be wrong with it? Just a bit pathetic, isn't it? But why is it different to what you do? Because I do it once a year and I am fully invest in the fact I'm being a sad fat loser. He's doing it every day. Every normal day.

Every normal that I'm attending. That doesn't count. You're all right with that. But like, when he does it, he's just like, oh, I don't know, just like this shirt, don't they? Yeah, I don't wear an Everton shirt. My collection of footy shirt's there.

None of them are Everton. because I like this looks cool I like how it's looked and I'll go I think I'm a Pad of San Jaman player today in your head

in your head you're like oh look at me you are mentally ill look at me look at me I'm Pablo Eymart he never played for PS2

that would have been Valencia I know that would have been Valencia shirts you're talking shite I'm not come on car

every time you put on a retro shirt party's like in the okay so you do so you do it so you do it Once a year and it's for the Super Bowl. Yeah.

Right. So if I just wear this year's Liverpool top, whatever year it is, for the FA Cup final every year, is that fine? Well, I'm thousands of miles. I'm a thousand miles away from where it's happening.

I live in Eggcliffe now. But are you just going to wear it to that one little party? Yeah. And everyone there's going to be right, we're losers here. But this is why would this one do this for? I don't think you and you all turn up and go, we're losers, aren't we?

I don't think we all talk about. I think we all accept that what we're doing now is gimpy as for. What do you wear the game? Do you wear red the game? Even though Van Dyke told you to. Sometimes. Why? What do you mean?

Why do you wear red the game? Yeah, because Van Dyke has me too. And why can't be on the football? I have all read the game before that. And it's just a little bit red. It's nice to see you see a red and you're supporting there. When I'm at the game, I'm supporting the football team. So why can't you wear a football top then?

A red football top? You think it's a bit sad. You're insane. I love it. It's great. You are insane. No, come on. Sure. No. Do you honestly?

I bet in football shit because I go, that is so cool. I don't go, I think I was my belly today. I just don't believe you. What do you wear? You also wear a hundred and fifty quid

predates to play five a side. What do you wear? They would actually two fifty, thank you. Exactly. And I got two pairs as well. And I've got, I've still got the scar on my shin

from one of them. You'll never let that go. Fucking playing wearing boots for five a side. That's late. Let's jump on in for that. He wears them as well. He wears them as well. He wears them as well.

I think it's mad. Wearing blades on the astro. Oh, you're just assorties, yeah. But what do you wear from five a side? Ben? What do I wear five or sides? Just 50, 60 for boots. No, the top.

What's the top? What's the place for they do with a shirt and short? Just any old t-shirt I've got, yeah. What's the place for the year? The same t-shirt had painting, normally. Right. I think he had been painting, as late when he came was just full of shit.

Just an old t-shirt. Right, okay. Also last week, Rob was. handed a bib and made us switch the team that had bibs on. They don't fit. It's just absolutely pointless. What's the price for it?

genuinely? For your boots? Yeah. Well, you're playing fucking Favasavi and you mate, are you don't need to be fucking wearing 250 quid. So when you bought your taxi

quite state of the art and nice, why you buy a shite one? Because every day I work in it every day. Yeah, but why does it matter? I'm not just driving me, that's a false equivalency that in the foot deal.

Yeah, go. You're with Rob Thomas here. Yeah, I can't believe you just like a lot. I like them. I grew up with that kind of boots. It's nostalgia and they look cool. And I'm not going, I think I'm a footballer today.

No, you are. When you're playing five sides? No, but I don't think like, oh, I'm professional because I've got good boots on and a fucking footy shirt. Okay.

That is your insecurity. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you are allowed. It's like I've got a nice coffee machine. It's not like state of the art, but it's better than like a tasimo. Yeah. I don't think I'm like working in the,

coffee shop. I'm like, oh, it's just... There's definitely a time where you pretend to win the coffee shop. Absolutely not. Really? I have a sense of it. I'd respect that more. That's what I mean. So do you make like nice... Have you got a pizza oven or something? Yeah, got a pizza oven, yeah. And you do all that instead of using the Chicago Town. Flipping it off. It's essentially that though. Yeah, I don't know, yeah. But for Foothy.

Yeah, but I do it in my own house? We're not inflicting it on other people. Right. Do you pretend to be a pizza chef, though? You shout the names of pizza chef. Well, when I'm cooking pizza, I'm actually a pizza chef, aren't I? Don't my boots offend you when we play football? Not at all. So shut off of them off.

I just think why you weren't to get a bit of a few hundred fifty-pound boots you can't control a ball. Behave. It's nostalgia. I grew up with a fucking cool. I think the cool boots, yeah. But like,

I'm a, I'm a grown-up now. You're a grumpy old cuntas. I've left that behind. There's some things you need to leave behind. I love to spend Christmas with you, you know. I bet it's a fucking nightmare. I bet it's a fucking nightmare.

Right, I've had this before. Like, the kids have had the presents. Turn out of it down, No, I've had this before. I love, I love Christmas. Quarter past eight years. Back to bed.

See it at New Year. Take that fucking Spider-Man suit off. You'll never be a superhero. What's the tattooed there? What? The Hulk and Spider-Man? Okay. The Hulk's got it.

Orchum it over. Get that fucking fuzzy shirt off. The Hulk's go Spider-Man to do. You can't be like, you're wearing a football top. You think you fucking, who's my dembell? The Hulk's hand. It's on my wrist.

You are men to you. Because I am big and strong like the Hulk. You don't want to see me when I'm angry. Punch. I don't know. It's smash. Hulk smash.

You're going to suddenly get it right. You wouldn't shoot a ball at the brass bar and go, Jared. That's your bowing it. You know what I mean? What are you like on Christmas? I love Christmas, but again. A grumpio.

It's the same Christmas. yeah. Like, I'd hate, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, yeah, exactly, yeah,

so like, but are you happy? I'll follow certain rules. Oh, I love it, yeah. Right. Very, very happy, yeah. Right. But I've followed certain rules.

And if you, if you, go on, what are your rules? Well, just like, stuff like, you know, like, I couldn't,

I couldn't, I'd, not of us. I'd kick him on me house. You know what I mean? Like, you're using yorn house eating nachos

as, I get that. Rob's watching home alone telling him to duck. Duck! Don't touch the thing. Like he's on their side. You know you're not at the door. Go on, because you are quite a traditional man.

Watch your Christmas. So what's my Christmas? Wake up. It's early. Yeah, I was going to say. Start this. I think we've done this as well. I think we've done my Christmas before.

Just wake up, presents. Brechie, same Brechie every year. What is it? Go off. She'll have pay me this stew. Did he have bacon left from 2008? salmon, poached eggs, a hollandaise sauce,

faggles. So you're all your heart, aren't you? Then... Eggs Florentine. Yeah, eggs clonitin. That's what it's called, yeah. I still call it eggs Benny. Oh, so, Carl can't buy a Fiorentine a shirt,

but you can fiorantine your eggs. Then we will... You go the in-laws. Then... This is a contentious point. Go on. I used to go the pub a lot. For a few hours.

And now it's been hit and miss wherever I go to the pub now because too many people in the pub noise me. We did it this Christmas and it's horrendous. Don't deserve to be here. That was at night though.

But it was... Norse, we left. Yeah, yeah, I'll never do that again. Yeah. So I've stopped going to pub, but I missed that. But going in the day before your dinner's quite good.

Yeah. Until three? Yeah. Yeah. Until two or three, yeah. And then what? And then what, because you miss is just a few because you'd have the house.

Well, yeah, she's a bit like, well, you don't even like being there because every time I come back and complain there's too many people there fucking people talking to me that I'm so too for all years I'm fucking sweating December and I'm sweating because there's too much body eat

like so I went also to fashion contest why is it a fashion contest on Christmas day about Jesus they're not even Santa Claus not baby Jesus you know what I mean they're Christmas hats on thinking they're Santa Claus

yeah get that on you haven't worked last night you look refreshed Father Christmas to be fucking knackin now Do you not wear new clothes on Christmas? I want to feel fucking cool. No, it's not that. I feel like that's one of them scouts things

that has ruined Christmas a bit. I love getting a new coat and like fucking... I know, but it feels like it turns out of a fashion contest. I feel like it's ruined Christmas. People are taking Instagram photos and the new clothes and the million presents they've got. So why can't just be about being together and happy and all that? And you've got the pub?

Yeah, to be together. See me meet or not? But anyway, I've stopped going to the pub the last two years. but as we missed, that's what I used to do. Then my Mars, Christmas dinner, then we all have an hour to ourselves. Just go into separate rooms.

It's my being together. And then we come back. And either else in himself. No, bitches! It's about being together. Go to you do. I'm going to mine. No, right.

It's because my brother goes with his in-laws now for the meal. Oh, that's all of the afternoon. Yeah. And then they arrive about six. And then they arrive about six. So when they're back about six, everyone perks back up,

drinking games, we all have a laugh. Is he not there in ABAB? No, is he all B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B. So. Wow. One of his in-laws is old. Okay.

And we were told when they started going to theirs that when that in-law dies, it'll just be ours, or maybe ours mostly. Then they're, now and again, days. But that's a single widow. But that in law.

But dad in law, fucking never dying. You know what I mean? Like, he's gonna be lifted about 90 or probably. He's gonna every year. Like, his kids will be fucking 18 and be going like, right, right, finally time to go to grandmas.

Fuck off. I've got my own kids. Come to grandmas for. I promised this, 20 years ago. Take us through your Halloween, Rob. Get that witch out, you'll never be. Right.

Imagine knocking on your house and Halloween. You're not dead. That's not a real scar. Fuck us. You're not dead. Eyes on least. No, no, but I do,

I do have a little way if they're cheeky and take too many sweets. I'm like, hey, fucking back now. They're mine. Back now. One or two tops. Because you get some kids like fucking. Only the cat giving him one finger and eat in the rest.

I don't think that's right. I think you just get them the boy. Let them choose what they want. But if any kids, like, you fuck, all right, kid. Oh, no. I'd do that. You do that?

A handful of whatever, like, yeah. Oh, no, no, no, but no, wait, wait, we're doing decent sweets. What are you given? Like, frerey-or-Rochings and snickers and, man. Full snickers? Yeah, like, full size, all, like, Harrybo bags, do you know what I mean? Wow. They're not giving, like, Mowams.

Yeah, Harrybo bags, you had the little ones? It's not enough. One or two of them. Yeah, one or two. Is that it? But you get kids taking, like, five or six. Mix it up, man. You want a little Mowam in there?

I look at my arms next year handful of mounds yeah a handful of mounds is fine but also you get kids taking the piss Do you ever do money? No We have a little rule in our seat as well Is it like everyone because it's all

A new builder state Everyone's people's got the same house haven't you You have a porch light If your porch lights on Halloween, let's go Let's dance Porch lights off you don't have to knock It's pumpkins name me

It's a glassier establishment Yeah fair enough If there's a pumpkin There's a pumpkin in the porch Or at the foot of the drive They like Cumble. Yeah, you're welcome otherwise. From the homeowners association.

Well, we don't have home owners a station in the UK, but what we do have is Facebook groups and WhatsApp groups. I mean a WhatsApp group. So what about your Easter? Do you get new clothes? Rabbits don't lay it! Right, hold on. Hold on.

See how you feel about this. So, Christmas, there's people that come around in your house. Father Christmas He'll come down Christmas Eve Really? Come to your house And say

Are you gonna be good You're going to bed tonight I'm going to work in a minute He's saying that to you No he's saying that to your kid Oh his kids Going to work in a minute Farah Christmas says that

Right But you can now book An Easter bunny And I think that's too much Yeah it's gone too far I ban the Easter bunny For my house You also have to invite him round first

You pay them don't you Yeah so don't have Don't pay them You're bad Oh don't you're saying like I'm no one doing It's obviously here, isn't it?

It's obviously here. Want to make things magical. Did you walk him one day from the pub and go, what the fuck's here, they get his band, get him out? No, but like,

I, I, I, I, have, I'm not doing that. That's, no,

I'm not, that's going too far. Also, I feel sorry for him, because he doesn't know when he's going to be booked, like the year before. Like, at least Santa knows

December's going to be busy. Like, he doesn't know whether he's going to have to block his March or his apron. He's looking at length in 40 days. Just Easter Bonnie have. a voice? Like to vote, I mean, like... I can't know.

Can he talk? Well, he's a man, so he does get one, yeah. I don't know. I can't remember if he ever talked. What's his job? What did you come in the house to do? He's like, take pictures and give us the egg. Of the house?

No, that's surveyor. Of your kid. Of your kid with Easter Bunny. We're selling the house. Get the Easter Bunny around. Yeah, a picture with your kid and Easter Bunny. And he has to have an Easter egg and that. But like I say, he's ban for him.

are you? It's just too much. Struggling with the camera because of his paws. He's only got one hand because travellers got him for good luck. Isn't that his foot?

Oh yeah, well, he's what's an arm, what's a foot? There's been a damp on this wall, mate. What's that noise? It's in the loft. Can I have a piss? I have a bad father.

By the way, back to Christmas, abandoned the amount of times you can see Farther Christmas as well, because that make me a crank. What do you mean? We saw Far Christmas too many times. You only see him once a year? No, we saw them five times.

Last year, I'll put a stop to it. Why? The same one? No, different ones each time. Does it not pass at the kid's head? Well, exactly, that's why. Again, it's women going too far. So I've said, no, we're seeing

one far the Christmas and we can go and see the Grinch of Parnies Bargans. Here's a question. Does you still go to Astda? Sorry? He was the best one last year I used to go to the Astas Is he five Christmas mate?

Well last year He was the best one The Tesco one My lad was like That Tesco one's the real one Because he knew me name Said the other three are frauds And I was like I agree

No DNA test neither Yeah He knew me name He was the best one What did he think about The six foot one Easter bunny Was he not questioning that

That doesn't look like any rabbits I've seen But if you watch any Easter bunny cartoons The Easter bunny's massive Right with a cannon. Nick on.

Yeah, so we're buying five kids because it's just wrecking your kids' head, you're not that thing. I agree with that. Yeah. So, the Grinch though, go on to the Grinch of Barney's bargains. It's the best.

What does he do? It's the Grinch. He takes presents off, yeah. He robbed, like, you date him because he robs your cap and throws it, all right? I'm all right, me, because I've got hair now.

Would you have... Like, he robs the kids at and that and just fucking, like, kicks the kids off the rides and goes on to himself, it's boss. Would you have it when he comes to your house and smash your house? I love that me.

What did you expect? The kids ate it. I don't know who it's for. The kids ate in the parents have to completely like clean the whole house. What a job that is. I've loved to that as a job

to smash people's arms. It's the Facebook page complaints about it. Like, I just expected them to come around and make it like a bit of a... He smashed me all that shop. And he's three new windows. He goes upstairs. Foot through the telloo.

That is the one good thing about Christmas, the Grinch has become a thing now I fucking love him. Have a line with the Grinch. You'd have a line with the Grinch. Yeah, he looks, he seems the time every time you see him, you like, I've got going to go in the air with you.

Got a bagging with the Grinch. That's why his heart's two sizes too small. Too much beak. Everyone's going on the air. Too much beak. All the dads have to go, hey, Christmas this year, you? Did you think we'd go through taxis

and holidays with Rob? No. Right. Danny, press that big button. The red one? Mm, Prest. Final section. I'm on tour later this year. Adam row.com. At code at UK. I know Rob's got tour data coming up. I'm on all my, uh, all my pro, all my Instagram, social media and

all that. Well, I have Rob Thomas comedy. Rob Thomas comedy on everything. I haven't got a website. Anything to, yeah, I've got, I brought it with me, but I forgot to, Vingy. Can I go and get it? Can I go and get it? Is that okay? Oh, Rob will feel time. Am I feeling out of sound? Yeah. Find me, all my links in bio. I'm in Hull. Manchester, Glasgow, Leeds, Liverpool and Bristol. Liverpool date, some selfish cunts put on a party on that same date. What's the show called? Oh, content.

It's about me being a content adult. Oh, content? Content. Yeah, well, it's... I like it. To play on words. To play on words. What are you got there, Danny?

But I've finally... I've done my book, my rescuiting poem. Oh, wow. And it's all produced as a book, self-published. Incredible. incredible. Real art in there. It's the whole poem written and illustrated by Bradley Brown.

He's done a cracking job. And it's all there and it's for sale soon. There's certain stand-up routines. And I know that didn't start as one, but it did become one. When you're working with a comic, you just want to see them do that thing. It's my meat van, that.

Yeah, it's Tom Stage Meat Van. It's only gay Eskimo. It's the bit. And like the amount of times I've worked with you. And I'm like, you're going to do Rasputin and you're like, nah, and I'm like,

please. Yeah, a lot of the times, when I do it now, it's because of request. Yeah. It's like, either someone in the crowd,

like, oh, you're doing that? Or, yeah, so it's all there and it will be for sale. And if you want to see me, piss, try and remember it.

Yeah, that's funny. That's the only, that's the only way any way you can see it. Oh, really? Yeah, there's no clips of it.

Haven't you got a clip of you doing it now? Me and Paul Smith got hammered and co-hosted the hot water together. there was loads of clips from it, but Danny was headlining that night, and I was like, please,

100, 400, that's beautiful for us. And at the end, as me and Paul, waiting to bring him off, he made me and Paul go on. I was like, you do it if you want to do it. Just do it.

I just want to do it. Class. Have you got a favourite line from her? Um, yeah, I'll one probably why you, no, I think it's rerouting

because it's the hardest one to see. That's what I like is... Mine's diluting. Diluting's a good one. Well, that's the reason that this has took so long because, I put diluting with two Ls by accident

I don't have heavy pressed it and then the proof came back with a spelling mistake on so have you had have you had people misquoted to you because I haven't seen it is there a disputing or not people do it all the time people put like ones that don't rhyme

right so they'll be like oh why is you choosing you're like that's not it doesn't work but you're not doing like a two like a looting commuting I did load there's loads there was Vladimir Putin's rooting two in blue tin suiting was one of them years ago uh yeah there's a few looting shooting yeah there's i think shooting might be shooting in it no no shooting was uh my uh my uncle was trying

to get like he was he was in new orleans roundabout hurricane katrina why he wanted some free tellies and footlocker that was looting um so yeah why did you clip it up so the people can see before i might do there was footage there is footage about i haven't got it yet though so like I was gonna put like a little promo together but I ain't got the skills in it so just have to come on here and beg a glit oh you know what I bet you there's enough people who have mentioned I must they love it that you could clip it yeah what I was gonna do you found all them clips people go I was just getting what I was gonna do is get videos of all my mates like you lot and not just going yo and then point it together so it's like one big yo

and then just be like for sale now just do it now you only need most of us to say oh then yeah yeah oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah that's where it's yeah yeah Yeah, that's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who's trying to get the yo, man? I don't know. Should you get to start? Big shout at the start.

And then we all go, whoa, yo. Oh, otherwise people are going to think you're selling yo-yo. Yeah, that's true. I'm not on sale, I don't know. Harry, have we got any stuff? We've got to have a word by Mr. Zendo. I'm not sure if that's his Christian name. Yes, the lids.

So I've just moved out. I'm in the middle terrace. Both sides seem absolutely lovely. Introduce themselves. Similar age, similar age kids, dead, quiet, a nice neighborhood. On Thursday night, I saw it was recycling bin day and no sister they did not put their bins out.

So me trying to be neighbourly, I did it for them. The next week, same thing with the general waste. And that night it looked like there was no one home. There were two extra small, lightweight black bin bags on the floor next to their bin that they obviously didn't have room for. So I put it in ours. Again, in the spirit of being enabling, thought nothing of it. It was nearly midnight and there was some loud banging on the door.

It generally sounded like someone was trying to break the door down. I went down to investigate heart in my mouth, and it was a fucking letter from the neighbours. it turns out those extra bin bags were stuffing for their new footstool and I had no right to touch their property and they didn't want us to touch their bins ever again. Have a word with them for being bin gims when I was just trying to be helpful.

Look, they are bin gims and I don't know why they're storing their new footstool stuffing in the front garden next to the bin. Maybe it's been delivered like that done. Yeah, it's been delivered probably and the Amazon have left it outside. I just don't think on your first week of being a neighbour, you can elect yourself king of the bins. No.

No, he's in meddling, please. Stop meddling. Yeah. Yeah, you're right? No. No, it's too close to own this because my beard's one of them. You know, it's just like...

Rob records, unless you're dressed as a bin man. Yeah. Probably was. He's probably like Carl, put a bit, put his bin man outfit on to go home to people's bins. Back to you. Goes, da, da, da, da, da.

And then you can be like, can I lend that high viz? So I don't have to not wear a bib at five a side. Put the bin man top on. You got the big. guy in your road? I'm not allowed to do the bins. Which I mean, not allowed to do them?

My bad one, let me do the bins. The one, the way that everyone agrees, even sans, people agree. There's blue jobs and pink jobs. Yeah. And the blue job is meant to take the bins out. I'm not allowed to it. My bad one, let me say she doesn't agree

with how I'll do them. What you do? I think, again, I think we've discussed this on this before. I don't put them out enough in the street for her liking. So she likes them done nice and early, like 8 o'clock, something like that in the evening.

And then she'll put them right out onto the path what's you called? Sidewalk. You call it a sidewalk. You know what I mean? Like I write on the path pavement. And then I just, I won't do that

because I know what I was like as a kid. And I've had to walk past that post 8 o'clock, I'd have volleyed her. So I just don't do it. But so she won't let me do the bins. Because when I do it, I put it to the end of the path, the end of the drive or the path

and I'd leave them there. And I'll move to in the morning. They'd need to be moved anymore. Or the bin men, though. They're there for the reason. They'll take them. You are right. I've got a mate who once was walking

drunk from like a house party. I love this, me. And on a dual carriageway, got every bin and just blocked off the whole dual carriageway. Also, I don't want to be a peddent. That is snowing as well. That is funny, that die.

That only made funnier, I mean, they put them in tempin, Temping bowling style. I either drove into them. And I don't want to be a pedant, but you can't volley a bin unless you threw it in the air and kicked it. It's on the floor, so it would just be a strike. Well, that's cloquialism volley, isn't it? It's a deadball of anything.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a set piece. My neighbour's being a power washing the inside of my bins. That's nice. She's just have to pay for that. Good, good, like... We used to pay for that, then he should stop coming. You were power washing the inside your attic?

No. Trying to have a pay. Power washing the roof tiles. You haven't got bins. I don't think when you move into a new street, you can become the bingo straight away. I think you've got it. I don't know.

I think Rob's right. Don't ever meddle in any of my stuff. Yeah. Like even if I've got like parcels out. Certainly not without to chat. Just leave them. No, leave everything. Just don't talk to me.

Some people kind of yourself now. No, if you're walking down the streets and you're a die-neck neighbor as a package outside, it starts raining. You wouldn't take it in. No. You won't put it in the bin, though. No, you're taking it into your house and go, by the way, it's raining, so I took your parcel in. It's not my responsibility, is that. No, I won't do that.

I'd do that as really. And I'd appreciate someone doing it for me. I live where it's porch, covered porches where I live, though, so that would never be. Maybe. but I'm happy that I've never had to consider that. Oh, I do that quite often. I know my neighbours well enough that I'd do that. Yeah, I'll just text and I'm going to know because it was getting soaked.

Because they will just leave it on your doorstep, no, won't he? Yeah, I don't think there's anything I would want my neighbours to do for me. Oh, I like to get, like, Seneca says, I talk, like, I'll leave the house and won't leave the road for ages because I'm chatting to all the neighbours. Yeah, our neighbours have moved because they've got such good neighbours. That's good. You said, like, we're risking getting bad neighbours, so we might just like, It is stressful.

House is falling down. Hey, next row. A lovely hobby. But I live on a terrace and like it's quite, some of them are quite transient. Like you'll have different, but now someone's bought the one on there and they seem quite stable and it is better.

The anxiety of who you're going to get is a neighbour is mad. My house to my right was rented for three years and it was three different couples and thank God they were all great. Now it's owned by a couple of new great as well. But the fear of... Look down for renting, Shardt.

Huh? Luts around them for renting. Look down on them from renting. Yeah. No, why would they look down? That's just a proper middle class. Oh, renting out? Renting the house.

Like, we're all way of all. We're all permanent neighbours. You renters come in, ruin the streets. No, if anything, you'd sneer at the landlord. Yeah. No, no, I'm saying. Well, that's that. It's an old common cliche.

I know people do do that. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I've seen like the ring doorbell, shit. Like, do you rent this house? Because we're all. I think there's an old bodily cunt on my street. Like a bellend, an old fella, like maybe sort of late 50s, whatever.

because my missus took the dog an airmate and airmate's kid to the park and her mate's kid just got a bit kiddie and stressed and started crying so my missus mate was like can I just take her back to yours to use the toilet and we'll just wait for you to walk the dog and come back

so he made walked out to park with and not Sefton Park like another like a field near where we are and as they come out to park obviously the kids cry and walking to the house and a fella in our street was like, did they a dog bite your kid? And like, I think because we've got like a big

misunderstood dog, there's a fella on our street who's gone, they've got a rot while of them. I can't wait for there to be a problem so I can be a cuntabari. He's waiting for your dog to buy someone so he goes to speak on the phone. Oh, that,

I'd kill his dawding. Yeah, apparently like he'd been on the field like looking at them. And, like... Are you a nuns, mate? That's a child. Yeah, literally. Crying because of you?

She's worried. You're going to fucking. looking at your dog. Well, my dog's a child as well, your little dog nuns. To your fair, I'm a bit of a dog nons lately. I've been stirred up.

Yes. Yes. No, not about loving dogs. Oh, we can discuss that in a minute. So, every... Not that. Every ten weeks or so,

there's dog poo in the front of our house. In the house? In the house? In the garden. Essentially my land. There's dog poo and I don't own a dog and I resent having to click up shit that I shouldn't have to, yeah.

That is back out of order. And so now, so now, when I have you come, So now from a walk past with a dog I'm at the window. Like a dog? Like, yeah, like a dog.

Watching them. Or if I'm leaving the house from walks past, I'll just stay in the car a little bit longer. So yeah, just keep walking. Famous dog, Hayeser, by the way.

So is he? He's getting one. John, you're ready to get one, yeah. He's fucking getting one. Full circle. Flip there. Kids, do that to you?

What have you decided you get him? We haven't fully agreed. He wants a king Charles Cavalier Spaniel. Fun. Very. I would like a Labrador, but it's probably going to be too big, so maybe a doodle or a cockapoo or something.

But I think we'll probably get a King Charles Cowellier's, Paniel. Very intelligent dog. But, um... Yeah, can you elaborate a dog? Nope. I just want someone to listen to me in the house, that's all I want. She wants sort of in the house that listens to me. So all the resentment hatred you had towards dog and their owners, what changed?

It's the lay, I think. Do you know what's going to be funny? You are going to become... Because I know what you're like, really. Oh, if you... A bit bit fat. typically, yeah. Yeah, I just know you're going to become a little.

You're going to be the biggest dog. That dog will never have cloven. What? It'll never have cloven. It won't need it? If you see me put clothes on a dog. Don't need clothes? No, no, but people choose to do it.

No, but if I take Wallace the Park in the winter, it's wet and muddy. I'll put a coat on them otherwise. He's got a coat. No. Yeah, but then you have to clean his body, whereas it's very easy to just put a, a, I don't know of you're here before, but I've got a hot outside of top.

For the dog? I'm boiling on top. Rob, please don't boil you. You know what I've fully gone when I've got a mix of tap outside for the dog. Yeah, sometimes you need to

because you're getting muddy and audible. He doesn't want to be like, it's just, it's because welfare for the animal. Just spray him before it comes in the house. In the winter? I've got a warm tap. Rob, you know, sometimes, right,

is what you have to do, right? Because I get it. I understand. I've been you. I've been you. I've been exactly who you are, right? And sometimes you look at a dog with a coat on and you go, do you know what?

I'm not fucking gay. I'm not doing the dog with the coat thing because me mates will call me gay. And I know it. And I get it. I understand it. Right? It's not good.

We both accept. It's not good. But it's in you from your upbringing. And that's not your fault. And it wasn't my fault either, right? And you look at that thing and you go, do you know what? I just don't like it.

I don't know why I don't like it. not like it. I'm not into it and I'm not doing it. But then someone comes to you with the real explanation as to why

it's a thing. So it's not just that the dog looks cute in a coat. Don't put your dog in a coat so it looks cute. Don't do that. Put your dog in a coat

so that if it gets muddy in the park, you just have to wash the coat and you don't have to wash the dog. Because it's a lot of easier. What about it's paws on that? They clean themselves. They literally on the concrete.

just washed. Maybe you'll have to like towel their feet but not a lot compared to like a friend of... So a dog's constantly... A dog's constantly walking like they've stepped in dog shit

just like scraping along the floor essentially. She got a lot more grip. They've got pads there haven't got socks on have they? Some of them have. That's the issue. Yeah, yeah.

Some people put them into... Shoes on the dog is a big issue. You got a dog... You got a dog primed in you? Yeah. But you know why? So again, Rob, I know.

I know. Right? Could you just wait at two weeks? No, because it's a Rottweiler and they can kill you if you don't get it right. And now it was all worth it. I used to, I had a little bag for Wallace because he couldn't touch the floor because they will die if the wrong thing goes in the mouth. And I have to transport them from place to place. So you're going to have to do this.

Why are you turning your nose up? This will be you in January. Also, by the way, January, January, the worst month to buy a dog. Couldn't be worse. Yeah, but it's really difficult to take them out and stuff with the weather shit. No, that's a good month to get them because they can't go. out. And they're not mixing

with the dogs, less dogs out in the winter. No, like garden training them when the weather's shit, it's not as nice. When you got yours, the weather was okay. Wasn't too bad, really?

In the summer or in the spring, it's well better because it's easier to get them out and potty training them. When the weather's grim, it's tough. January is not the best time to get a dog, just saying.

But someone is going to get the dog you're planning to get so you might as well have that problem because someone else is going to have it. Oh yeah, I'm getting in January still anyway. Cheever on January as well. No one bought on Christmas. Christmas cast dogs.

No one. one's toxic January. Do you ever have any pet? I've got fish and I've got two axolotles. I don't think they count. What's an acolol? Do you think you ever...

You'll see it. You'll kill what they count? Do you think you'll ever have a land-based pet? Well, you could turn an axolotl into a lot of this pet, can't? No, you can't now. Where they started, isn't it?

Is that where we started? No, if you put... No, when they morph into salamander's very rare. Do you still live on a canal? Yeah. Is there any... Anything you can have where you just

let it live in the canal that'll come to your house to get further. My cats. Yes, one. Like cats just like... Are you gonna, yeah, alligator? You know what I'm thinking? It's just sort of like,

something you can just have. It just lives in the canal, but it knows if comes where else getting fed. The way cats just like live in like the streets. No, I think the reason that I haven't got that is because it's not a cartoon. But I reckon really really serious it

enough to be like a little lottery or something you could get. I love an honour. Would you put a coat on your crocodile? That crocodile does not need a coat. He's wearing a coat. I'm going to have that cunt's coat when he dies. How do you know that's Danny's alligator?

It's got a cap on. Okay, boys. I can't believe you've switched to me a pet. I know we're finishing. I haven't you? Let's get to January 1st. I was with you and your partner recently, and you told me to talk aired into it.

I know, yeah. There's a lot of months to go. You're all talking out of it now. So I thought them two weeks, you know when you're not allowed out. Why do I need to put him in a program? Because you want it. I thought you just can't come into contact with other dogs.

Yeah, no, it's the floor. You want to socialise them? They can't meet other dogs. I thought that was just it. But they also can't go on the floor where other dogs have been. Unvaccinated dogs. Because if another dog has got the parvo virus, which a vaccinated dog can carry.

Yeah. And let's say, like that dog pisses and your dog sniffs it. Just sniff it. Yeah. Get a whiff of it. Your dog will die. So it can go to, so it can be my garden. Yeah.

I mean, Mars garden. 100%. Yeah. Yeah, then I don't need the thing. But I'm saying January, when the weather is shit. And you have to spend a lot of time when the garden basically going, come on, mate, do a poo.

It makes it tougher, I'm just saying. Because mine was in the winter and it was tough. Yeah. And luckily, dogs can't get AIDS. There's no dog AIDS. Thank you, AIDS Corner. Yeah, there's no DIV. Can crocodiles get AIDS?

Well, cats can. There's no way. Yeah, it would be CIV, by the way. K-9. It'd be canine, yeah. It wouldn't be... Crocodiles can't get AIDS either, so you're both safe.

That sounds. I think you can get a little otter or something now. Little otter just lives in the canal, comes up to get fed to by the... I'd love an otter, yeah, but... Otter Canal. People walk otters around the... Do you know there's Dias in Burtle?

Have you seen there's Dias in Buttle? Is there where there's healing? You can see these... Pyramids of Gaze of my house as well? No, there's Dias. Honestly, right, Harry, you want to be proud of it. Search Dias, Buttle.

There's Dahl and show D's... There's D's in the can't have a Ders as well? No, show these. There's D's D's in the canal and Boutel. Isn't that? called the Stairs in the canal. There's deer's in the canal. Are he dead?

Harry, search Dias, canal, brutal, please. Is this a badass? No. Confused wild deer spotted loose in streets. Oh, deer. No, there's three or four of them now. Woman called Sue saw it.

What do you mean? You're saying that. There's a woman called Sue. I'll get it on my phone now. One tweet. You're saying like they now like nest it. There was a deer spotted. There's three or four days.

And a man called Phil, who owns their phone. shop he saw one as well. There's three or four deer's living in Butel. And he'd go in the canal. And he'd roam round Butel. It's like, I am legend. Buttles, I am legend.

Apparently, was it that this year? Please shot one. Oh, the punch. It is Buttle. A couple years. It's going to be series two of legends on Netflix. I am legends. There's dears in the K now.

Harry, that, click on it? That was old. It was a white deer. well the police wouldn't assure it. No, literally the last couple of weeks, there's like four days in, but all that's fucking boss,

isn't it? Is it? Whole of our name is. She just proves that like, what's it called? Reherbanizing, what do they call it when you turn on the shit here

to a nice area? Gentrification. Interications work. Oh, this regeneration. Yeah, they're getting there. Get in there. Yeah, normally they just put a coffee shop

in that sells avocado toast. Well, we need to be more. Get the tears in. We need the next. It's gone full new. Dears coffee shops are. My house price is going to put 100K, why?

There's four dears in there. What you mean? Half a mill, it's no one. Exactly. The house is deer? My house price would up when someone got shot by ours with a crossbow.

It was like to showcase one. He looked like you in. No, no, it was one by ours. Shot crossbow. He looked like you in. Sorry, someone got shot with a crossbow and they put the price of your house up. Yeah, it was nice in a crossbow,

isn't it? It's got turrets, medieval. It's a small weapon. Is this the only house with the drawbridge? Bills gone bourgeois. Got a boat. Happened you were on COVID? Someone got shot with a crossball,

we were all made up. Who was the fellow in the showcase who looked like you? I don't know. Was this a crossbow though? He had a gun, didn't he? It was a gun. Yeah, no, no, it wasn't.

Exactly that made. Fucking shit, all. Dias can't get AIDS either, by the way. This has to stop. It has to be over. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Rob's on tour.

I'm on tour. Danny's got a book coming out. We love you all. My dad, maitch, maddatch, my dad, dot com. Anyone wants to challenge me to Game of Connect 4. You're welcome. Can you play online? Maybe set an online little room up.

He'd be using AI. He's a fucking cheater. Yeah, yeah. Do it either? Yeah. Come on. They haven't seen it yet. I don't need artifice intelligence.

You got Bobby's intelligence. B.I. B.M.I. They call you. Bobby's mega intelligence. comes off in the doctors. But if you play them online, I'm off the chance.

Fucking Braids of Britain here. It's been in the parallel for you all week, though. He stings at B.O. as well. Has he given you a song? No, he had two think, didn't he? Yeah. Go listen to Behavi and Lepard

Just go and put your favourite song up. Beheelian. Absolutely by Queen's quite good. Are we sticking the Kinect 4 here or whether you've seen it? Connect 4's here. Kna 4 is here. I was Knaug 4 going

at the end. Tune in for some Kine. He said final section, so. Yeah. Rob, beat me 2-0. But watch it. Spoiler.

Don't spoil it. Right, Knaq 4. You can go fair, or should we rock papers asers first? Uh, go on challenge you first. Challenger?

The under quid on this year. Yeah. Big money. Stumped them. You haven't stunned me? No one's ever done that before. 84 no by the way. I'm trying to decide.

That's be aggressive to me. Oh, is that the old bootle open? The bootle gambit. Wait, see a stalemate here? Oh, he's dropping cops. Gamesmanship. Oh. Oh. Watch him.

Massive Carlson. I think we just put this at the end of the episode just on the video. We're times with this by one and a half. We're going to see a stalemate. nice move by Adam as well love so we're either on as well good move that

bad move well Adam's ego allowing me to be told what to do by Rob I don't now should have had a clock coward's not letting him win yeah but you'd let me win I literally just told you where to go

be a nice wasn't I are a defensive play by Adam but you know what that wins leagues Rob with the sausage there nasty necessary one there you say it was unnecessary top top one felt unnecessary I know you'll see why I know

I'm saying when you're going to start film that empty go Rob's counting ahead of yeah oh he's got him I've won't make your move oh yeah unnecessary unnecessary

one nil one nil can't wait to play that again do you want to just call it one no you can keep it under quits no I'm 25 or no.

It's Adam Row. Are you all right? Double or nothing. Triple or nothing. I tend to go first. He's got the brain for it. Adam will come out more aggressive here, surely. What?