Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #384 with Seann Walsh - Have A Word w/Adam, Dan & Carl

Episode Date: June 6, 2026

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Have a word. This episode is brought to you by NordVPN. The very best in protecting your online activity. Go, Ed. Get on me. Thinking to start investing. You thinking to start? Yeah? I'm going to start investing.

I'm going to get a portfolio going. And I'm going in for high risk, high reward yielding bonds. Oh, well, and stocks. Makes the change from watches and hats. Have you had the meeting yet? Huh?

You haven't a meeting with them, don't you? And they ask you questions. I've got some fella, give them me a bell. Yeah, I typed in financial advisor near mine. And there's not like

non women near you? He's just... There's a few. Fella called Badi... No, see, move on instantly, or let's move on. Barry Wiggins' investments.

No. He's in Allerton. All right, that's great. When they do the questionnaire, when they're like, how risk averse do you want to be? Do you want your money to be in like, you know, bricks?

Or do you want to sell weapons to Sierra Leone? Where are you, morally? So he specialises in high risk. What is it? Commodities? What is it? He said, I don't need to know about any of that. You do?

No. How'd you feel about your money being invested in children working in diamond mines? Not too bad. Not too bad. All right, but, no, because there's a lot of money in it. There's a lot of money in it. Basically, a lot of people say the smart, boring money is in a, like, the S&P 500. Fucking idiots.

You get about. 10% return every year on average, you know? What Barry Wiggins? What Barry says? Is Barry going to casino, put it all on 34? Big Wigs? Barry reckons he can get us up to 40% a year. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, because bazookas,

because bazookers do ISIS, money. Hello. But they're going to get the bazookas anyway. Why can't I make him in the money off of it, you know? Exactly, yeah, yeah, yeah. Why just start day trading then to kind of get your toes on it? Oh, I'm leaving Barry to do all that. He's got over 14 years in the business.

Do you know some examples of some high risk, high reward stocks at the minute? Space defence. Exactly. Against who? The aliens. Yeah, man. When the Martians come, mate, and I've got all the money to defend us. Biotechnology.

So I think that's like the chips in your head. Class. That's good. Yeah, chips in heads. Yeah. I like chips. Natural hydrogen. That's where you put them, isn't it?

I've done this before, Barry. It's all very familiar. These fucking knobbers of the SMP shoving French fries up their ass. Idiots. We're investing in people eating chips. Sorry, Barry, where do I put my money? In this bag of chips?

Sound. What are you doing? Having chips again! I'm investing! That is clever. If you invest in something and then buy loads of it, do you make money?

What do you mean? Like, if you invest in chips and then you buy loads of chips or there's, like, you know... I think that's called Inside a Strait. No, it's not a view. Yeah, that's what inside of trading is.

I thought inside trade was you got on. Buying loads of chips. Five bags of chips. Shut up, love. I'm spiking the market. Honestly, the value of these chips is going to go up. I'll keep them warm, sell them on for a profit. This is great financial advice.

Is everyone writing this down? Buy chips. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Five bags of McCain. Do need shoes for your children. Baddy said the most money he ever made in a year was $7 million. And that was off a five. grand investment.

Wow. Is heroin part of his portfolio? You think it's about scagg? It is high risk. What's the percentage there? Because you're good at Matt. What's the percentage raise there?

Um, 2.8 million percent. 14. It's 1,400X. So it's 140,000%. Can I give him some money? I've got some money is to give Barry if he wants to give me

140,000% Now West Savings is not giving me these kind of interest rates Your capital is at risk Yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah, in case you get shot Wow Good look

Good luck Is that they try buying like gold In the morning And sell it in the night Is the thing no Is that where they do? I know bus driver He used to start his shift

He'd buy silver and gold At the start of his shift And in the night When he finishes shift he'd sell it Regardless of where the market was at that day. Yeah? So the market, it shrunk slightly. He was like, I don't know.

I've finished work, mate. I'm not selling gold and silver and I'm not on a bus. No, we'd do that every shift. And he said he was always up at the end of the week. So gold and silver, the market rises during office hours. It fluctuates. And then it fluctuates at night when everyone's sleeping. The price goes down because they're asleep.

No, the market's close. Right. Markets close at night. Always up. No? We said at the end of the week, he'd usually be up. Right. And if you did that, 52 times a year, then he'd be up.

So there's no fluctuation in this market. It basically goes up in the daytime. No. Oh, suck a fart out of my ass. If you'd buy it at 11 o'clock last night and sold it right now, you'd make about 100 quid. Off of 3,000 pounds. So I don't know how much that is.

Yeah, those margins are not enough for me. I love the idea of the bus driver not check. checking how the market's doing. I don't need to see the numbers. It's always up. Sell it. Why don't you just keep on to it? Shut up.

I'll have something to do. It's going to buy it back. Yeah, I'll buy it back. Can I have all the silver back? And the trade is like, do you know what? The thing that the mistake most people make with the market is leaving their money in after a big win. So this is, people go right, I've put five grand in, I've got seven mil. Well, I'll just put that seven mil back in and I'll get the same results.

No. That's probably an all-time market high. Take your money out and buy stuff, Ben. You know what I mean? Buy stuff. Art. Stuff that appreciate. And by the way,

I've seen you frowning at your laptop because you Google Barry Wiggins, Alan, and there's no fucking websites. And that's because he does it all on WhatsApp. So. Like a drug dealer. Is this a pyramid scheme?

Barry Wiggins, three for hundred. Three golds for a hundred. Deliver. Any time. Is this a pyramid scheme, Adam? Have you got yourself in a pyramid scheme?

Yeah, he's actually invested in pyramids as well. Because it's a down. market for pyramids. They haven't built them for thousands and thousands of years. But Barry's got a fucking spot on. He's like bricks, big bricks. Why don't we build pyramids anymore? We don't need them, do we? We don't build stone angels

anymore either. Because the aliens haven't come to help us for thousands of years. Why aren't houses like pyramids? Because we can't. No one knows how they made them. Are you potted? I wish. They can build the pyramids. We can't. We can't. What do you mean? You can't. No one knows how they were made.

They know exactly how they were made. They made. the shard. It's glass in the sky. Yeah, no, they know how the shard was made. They didn't need any aliens to work with that. Shard's not going to be there in 5,000 years. No. The shard isn't a perfect sort of scale model of the planet.

The planet's round. No, but we, we know them things because we know the science. So we know what they did it. Exactly. Yeah. Who said they can't build pyramids? Who said that? Can't do it, lad.

That's 10 mill that. Don't make and I can do it, though, lad. Kicking the bottom of the pyramids. a big job. Yeah, it's too expensive, no. No, it's unnecessary because you don't need it. It was a fucking tomb, won't it?

You don't put people in tombs no more? You're telling me, if they knocked up a student's accommodation in the shape of a pyramid around here, that wouldn't be the most popular gaffin town. No windows, all stone. There's a casino in Vegas, the shape of a pyramid?

Yeah, no, they can build triangle buildings. They can't build pyramids. What would the purpose of a pyramid made out of stone? They can. Stockport have proved you, wrong. They can build pyramids.

That's more of a triangle. The pyramid doesn't stop port? No, it's definitely a pyramid, isn't it? It's more of a four-sided triangle. Yeah. Oh, right. Well, that's where I was going wrong there. I was thinking pyramids were four-sided triangles, but the mistake I was making is, it's not a stone pyramid in Egypt. But that one was built years ago. They couldn't do that one now.

Why don't they build Machu Picchu anymore? That's the Machu Picchu by eyes. And that's what Barry's asking. And that's why he's asking you to invest in the new Machu Picchu. He doesn't ever tell you what he's putting your money in, because then you can't be, you can't be old life, it goes wrong. Great, great.

Doesn't tell you, doesn't tell you where he lives, where the money's going, what his actual name is, that's how, that's what you want for an investment portfolio. I do want to get involved though. I'm not lying, I do want to get involved. It's high risk, high reward.

He said he's never had a client who's being unhappy with his result. That's not high risk, is it? What? That's not high risk. A high risk, but everyone wins, so you know. Yeah. He just can't guarantee you won't be the first. No Google reviews. Yeah, loads of people are happy with it.

And if they're not, they're dead. That's all right, isn't it? Under a pyramid in Stockport. It is a fucking tomb. Have any of you seen that Bruce Forsy's ghost has been scaring Japanese tourists? Yeah. No, he's been using Japanese to scare...

No, he's not scared in Japanese. He's speaking Japanese to scare. He's singing the Japanese National. anthem blathered. Sorry. What? Bruce Forsyth, rest in peace. He's using Japanese language to scare us as a ghost.

He's singing the Japanese his national anthem. Where? In Bedford. And I read upon this story. The funny thing is, is the headline. No, the funny thing is, is that he didn't start drunk, but a fella said that Bruce Forsy's ghost

drank all his aisle, and it was going to around. Let's go around. Singing the Japanese national anthem. Why are you coming, Bladden again? Where's all the ale? Ah, Bruce Forsyfe ghost, don't you? I haven't touched any of it. Bruce Forsy's ghost was around here and he's fucking shinned at all.

And he's doing a foreign voice. It's a problematic. It's a disgrace. It's a lie that can all have happened. Apparently, the fella said... Sorry, sorry. Have you read this story? Yeah.

We've already, I've read it independently. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, Carl, I haven't read it. I've seen the... I'm a click on an article from 2326. Can you tell you... We've already in the penalty. I've got it here.

I've got the quote here, which is, I came to the car on Saturday morning to gather both Bruce and all of my weekend beers had gone. Immediately I was perturbed. The only thing worse than the ghost of Bruce Forsyth

is a drunk one. He is very confident about his singing abilities. Why he chose the Japanese national anthem I will never know. But apparently, on his days off, the ghost Bruce Forsyth lives in that fellow's car,

boot of the fellow's car. On Bruce Forsyth's ghost's day off, what's his job getting drunk and singing national anthems at tourists where are the tourists in Bedford I don't know I'm not sure if he is

I think it's just the local joggers he was scaring the joggers as they were running past he was belt in the Japanese national anthem operatively he needs section on doesn't he let's be honest apparently

Bruce also told this fella that he'd put a fibre on Japan winning the World Cup that's when five went from his glovey where's that father gone I think Bruce he put a bed on How's Bruce Forsyth going to cash that betting?

He's got ways. How did he put the bet on? Got the app? Yeah. Oh, through the app, yeah. Bruce Forsy, I've got a smart follow, is here? And which publication? Is this the Telegraph?

Daily Star, the Daily Star. The Daily Star is not like bottom of the barrel, though, is it? Oh, no, it's second from bottom of the barrel. It's a sport, then the star, isn't it? Yeah. He also gave his opinions on Test Daily. Yeah. As divorce and he said that he was 100% test.

Yeah. Team Tess. Bruce Fawcite did. The ghost of Bruce Forsyth. The ghost of Bruce Forsyte said he was 100% Tess in a Japanese accent. No. No, this is a psychic reached out to

Bruce and said, Tess and Bernard had done. What do you think? He's team test. I'm team Tess. Well, then. A psychic. Just in case you're worried about how...

They love me. Proper connection. Have you seen that fellow called the seatbelt psychic? No. you sniff your seatbelt? Sorry. What does he do,

sniff your seatbelt and go, oh, you've got three years to live? No. Oh. Wild first guess as well. Great guess, though. He's an Uber driver. And when people get in the back of the car,

he's like, oh, hello. Your dad's with you. You're saying mexia? You're dead, dad, yeah. But he's being exposed anyway. As he? Full of shit. Uh-oh.

And there was a couple of things that I didn't like about it straight away. Like, for example, if two people get in, and they both sit in the back, one of them sits in the middle and one of them sits, they don't sit on either side of the back. For the cameras. They sit for the cameras. So it's like they already know.

And anyway, someone sets up a sting against them where, not from the police, like a bust. And they made a Facebook profile and booked in with them under that name and just filled the Facebook profile with a load of bollocks. and he didn't get a single thing about them right their actual person but all of their Facebook stuff all right

shister that's upsetting for me big fan of the psychic mediums I know what you're Uber-lating is yeah four points if we ever do Ghost on 3 again which we are going to do

it's booked in it's booked in can we get a psychic medium to come with us and speak to the speak to the I mean not the Uber I think we can get a different one though

I don't think they all talk to me they do I'm not getting her from Sean Day. She fucking hates me. She does hate you. Fucking out. Sorry. What are you trying to do?

Be funny. I watched it back and I was like, Oh, I haven't watched it? It made me a bit like, uh. From my bit? Yeah. More orcs than Lord of the Rings. And that's,

you were doing your job and I was a bit, I was like, uh. I was having a fucking great time. But she, she, she, she, uh, one would she goes,

you all right? What's wrong with your face? And you go, oh no, I'm an empath. I'm getting your vibe. I'm, Will didn't edit it all in.

It was, the full thing was worse as she got more and more like, you're not taking it seriously. Because I didn't know, you were all taking it fucking seriously. So I was like, oh, we'll do our bit here. This is great. I had to apologise to her after.

Great fun. I think Ghost on 3 has to be, because Ghost on 1 and 2 are very popular specials, but if you actually look back on them, the production value is low, bad. Yeah. Because Ghost on 1 was filmed in 1984. I don't know if you know.

used camera audio from Goghump 1. We didn't have mics. I was still fat. It, Finn looks mad. We, uh, yeah, I think we need more set pieces. We do need, we need a proper seance led by a seance master. Oh, yes, please.

We need psychics and a... Seance master. That's what they're called. Really? Science master, yeah. There's a seance, in any way, give you, like, the hebi-jibis this game at all?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. How does it move? How does it move to the right words? Is that a Ouija board? The letters. Is that a Ouija board? Sayances when they're like, they're in the building now, whoa.

Is that when they were from possessed? No, a seance is basically, like a Ouija board is, who's here? It's Jeffrey. And he's brought his friend, Bill.

Wow. But a seance is like, Hey, if you're here, if anyone's here, punch down in the head, and then down. Wow!

Oh, do you tell someone is here? It's Quincy. I would like to get one of those, one of those people that gets possessed by the ghosts. Like when Derek, when Derek O'Brien or more, when Derek O'Reca got possessed by,

was it Michael Jackson? Was it Michael Jackson? What? What did you ask for Quincy Jones? What the, did you know, do you not remember this? Derek Okora?

Derrick O'Cora did, like, most haunted Michael Jackson edition. With Michael Jackson impersonators. It's easier to get them when they're just on the way to the afterlife, do I mean? because one thing in the afterlife, it's like trying to fight,

there's fucking loads of them then. They're still on the elevator. But if he's in the queue. On the bus. On the bus. On the bus. But he had all the impersonators and Quincy Jones

and he was like, we'll speak to Quincy! Would the impersonators to trick the ghosts? The ghost's not of good eyesight and they're like... No, I think they were... They were representatives

of Michael Jackson's estate because I don't think Latoya Jackson wanted to get involved with Derek and corner. So they sent loads of lookalikes? Who sent? The Michael Jackson estate? No one sent any.

I don't think this was a license. Take a call. Reached out to them. I've gone, do you want to get involved? I don't think he approached Joe Jackson and went, can I have Tito?

Maybe he did that have been great to be verbal. Yeah? Watch it, Dan. Oh, I mean, that is unmissable. Quit. I mean, if that happens,

if I get possessed. Like quitted Joe. Don't be faking it, though. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I've learned my lesson from Sean Day.

I'm going to take it very seriously. You know, because my father-in-law was there. He was there. No. That's amazing. It was nice to have him there. He was there.

She used that as a way to call you a knobhead. Yeah, yeah. She went, yeah, your father looked. Thought you were in a bad knobbed? I said, I really annoyed him. And she was like, yeah, he thought you were a knob. Come here. Do you know if we do, ghost on three?

And there's, let's say there's a mirror in, like, one of the rooms. And you look in the mirror. And do you know, like in the Lion King, like, when, Symbaloks in and he sees like Mufasa, if you looked in the mirror and seen like Yamar or something, like the mirror of Edithet. Yeah. Would that make you like, whoa?

Yeah, it'd make me whoa. Oh, that's me dead mumo I miss. Wow! Quincy! I used to call her Quincy. We had a strange... Quincy Jones. Nicknames.

Quincy! I know we've sort of trod on this before. I'm just fascinated in what could make you believe. Because I'm quite open-minded. Not much. would be required for me to believe. If I thought I saw the ghost, I'd be all in. Do you know what I mean?

But I think you'd want to explain it away, wouldn't you? Yeah, it'd have to be irrefutable. I suppose at some point there's got to be a leap of faith, isn't it? But when you cannot explain something away, like, yeah, if my mirror mum turned up. But if you got back to your car, there's fire part missing an oil aisle,

and Bruce Forsy with sat in the passenger seat. Right. Yeah. I'd have some questions. I think you were drugging me. That's where my head would go first. I'd be like, someone's dosed me at work. So say we...

This would be great for content. Let's dose down. So Ghost on 3, which is happening next year. We're sat there and we're all like... But you see something like, oh my God. Would you... See, and you need to say what? David Copperfield.

David Copperfield is just in the corner of. He's still alive, by the way. No, it's not. We saw them. Oh, yeah. I'd be like, well done on the guest booking, lads. Copperfield. In the corner.

Houdini. You mean Paul Daniels. Houdini. Houdini. Who I couldn't pick out in a lineup. You. I don't know what Houdini looks like. No, you don't need to.

He's just got a Houdini vibe, Annie. He's got a cape on? He's wearing a name badge that says Harry Houdini. Harry Houdini. Well, they're named him. Like a fucking ghostbuster. Right. So Harry Houdini, who I only recognized from the name.

There's a high chance. Yeah, okay. Because then you'll know what he looks like. I'll be honest. I didn't know he looked like this either. And what if Barry, It wasn't like Barry Dodds with like a Harry Houdini label on. No, I think I'd spot that it's Barry.

That's Harry Houdini. No, that's kind of... You'd recognise him from the air. Isn't that fucking Carl Marx? Harry Houdini? Who the fuck is that? Either one, Dan. You see Carl Marx in the corner of their magic as well?

Yeah, you can recognize Carl Marx. Is that a creepy cunt? Would you? And we go, Dan, there's no one there, mate? He'd be like, lads. He died in 1926. Harry Houdini's in the corner going, whoa!

Fuck off! Whiskey thumb guns! He's doing it for himself. Hey, a lot of knobbeds do this. I invented this. This is mine, fucking joke thief. It's me thump. What's Harry Houdini's most famous trick?

The safe, isn't it? What's the mean? Being locked inside. I thought it was the taking a punch thing, isn't it? Isn't he an escape artist? He's not what killed him? Yeah, but I thought that was because that was his famous trick, so a fella just went and punched him.

He's an escape artist, isn't he? He was escaping from like, locked on and shit. Like a straight jacket. Chinese water torture cell. So a band God band Speaking of Chinese magic I was reading a Wikipedia

the other day about a magician from about that time who I mean he was white but he used to do Just one sec Yeah You know about that time

Yeah What time is this? Like Late 1800s early 1900s Oh he's spot on Yeah And he was a white fella

But he used to do yellow face He used to pretend to be A Chinese magician And he did a A trick that was the bullet catch. But he didn't catch the bullet and he went through his head. He died.

Yeah, David Blaine's spot water. Shoot me, I'll catch you. It'll be fine. But he died dressed. He didn't realize that's actually just a bollocks trick. He's like, no, shoot. I'll catch you. Oh, so if ghosts end up how they die,

he's in yellow face forever. And the back of his head's gone. Yeah. I mean, really, the real trick is he got shot in the head and then they went, oh, no, and they went to go grab him and his face came off and he was actually a white man, which is probably the real magic trick, isn't it? David Blaine did the bullet catch? it's more of feet of enjured.

It's just like, hey, can I have the bollocks to do this? No, it, no, it isn't. Just a cup in his mouth? You can catch it with his teeth. There's a cup in his mouth. What do you mean? A bulletproof cup? The bullet catch in your mouth.

Yeah. Yeah, they shoot the bullet and he's got to... No, they don't. I've watched the Dave of Blaine. Yeah, you have watched it. You have watched him catch a bullet with a cup. On YouTube? Yeah, you've watched it.

What? Yeah, it's like all... How old were you when you watched it, Carl? very recently. You think an actual bullet is shot out of an actual gun

at David Blaine and a cup stops it going to his head. Carl? Do you want to put it in or? It's a full documentary about it. We can't put an eight-minute documentary.

It's all so long as eight minutes. I said this one's going to get struck. It's not like a fucking like Tommy tippy cup. It's like a metal contraption on his face. It's like a big fucking

And no one saw it. So it's not like a cup. Film documentary. If it happened on film as the Parapod chose, it's real. Watch the thing as it happens. It's like there's a laser pointer. It's not like someone goes, bam, and he goes, ah.

Yeah, but that's what you, you made it sound like one of the cups from beer pong. No, I didn't. I just said a cup. Oh, sorry. What, a massive contraption. Yeah, it's like a big thing on his face and there's a laser pointer and it's like a set up gun.

It's not like a guy just goes over and does that. But it does do it. he doesn't catch the bullet the bullet goes into the cup you can watch it yeah but then he's not caught a bullet no he hasn't but that's like oh my god

I preface that story with that sentence that's not a trick any of us we're talking about it's called the bullet catch because it doesn't exist but he does the bullet catch I'll tell you what

there's a racist white guy painted yellow that would really be annoyed with this I think the problem with his actually was that he got shot in the chest he meant to catch it in his face catch it with your chest and the friend of it down

He was... It's all about who you had to shoot the gun, isn't it? How'd you touch? I trust my misses implicitly. She shot me in the chest. Okay, so Harry Houdini's in the corner. In a Chinese water torture chamber. You witnessed something you can't explain.

And doesn't you have to be mad? Are you just going, I'm fucking getting on with me day? Would you point it out to us? If we're all sat round... It's over there by Street Fighter 2. Lads, if I start seeing Harry Houdini in his street. Street Fighter too. I am going to bring it up, yeah.

No, we're in the room. Ladd, can everyone else say that guy? I'm not sure it is Harry Houdini, but he's got a name bad John. So it's probably him. And we're not all like, and you're like, I'm going to go and seek medical assistance

because I think I'm having a psychotic episode. A dark room, having a silence. And in the corner you see a shape that looks like a person, and you go, fucking hell. But we go, there's not on dirt, you go, you wouldn't go what was that you I would yeah yeah but I'd start

trying to find answers for why I'm seeing shapes in a room and on really low I'd be like I think I've fucked up my peptide dosing I think I might be tired I think I'm having a psychotic episode and at the bottom of it is ghost I know

because I don't even know if you men are see shapes but then Harry Houdini comes over and then Harry Houdini goes that's it I'm a ghost I'm Harry Houdini Rani, Rana Kahn of Tennis Bruce has got a crate Oh, he's with Bruce in the afterlife

That's a my partnership though Ghost on 3 is gonna be fucking mental What? Houdini and Bruce Forsy He's probably met Why? Just we both fucking dead old They were both dead all at different times

Yeah, but I mean They didn't meet Dan I would imagine when Bruce Forsyte was kicking about And it was like He's obviously going to be a star at him to like go shows Harry Houdini. So, I want to know how many years. The child Bruce Forsyth was probably four years on when Harry Houdini died.

Right. I'm gone. That kid's a good dancer. Harry Houdini should meet him. Go on for him. What difference? Harry Houdini died on Halloween. That's spooky.

In what year? 1926. There you go. What year was Bruce Forsykevite born? 1928. Ooh. He could be his dad. No, maybe.

He's the reincarnation of Harry Houdini. Why? Because it takes about two years for you to be behind in the afterlife and then go, I want to go back for a bit. Go back as a... And Bruce did loads of... A dance and TV show host. Yeah, Bruce did loads of card tricks, didn't they?

Yeah. The Price is right, was just fucking... Not price right, him. Play a cards right. Play a cards right. That was just a hint. I'm Harry Houdini. And no one goes.

What do you mean? Check the dates, it works. What? I don't know. They had two years off. I was thinking about it. Back as a big chin child. And then never mentioned that I'm Harry Houdini or do any escapology.

He wouldn't know who's Harry Houdini? You don't know you've been reincarnated. Oh. Big Chinchild was the name of the Chinese magician as well, by the way. How do you know? You don't know if you've been in re-incarnated? What was it called? Big Chin-child.

Who was I talking to? of the day and talking about the fact that you exist so like your if you're a in inside your mom's body obviously when you're made it made as a baby the atoms of you exist in two different places like you always exist as a you know even at the most basic level speaking some of the day and they said they're going to look into researching um whether you can take some of these past experiences and memories like as osmosis into them atoms and that's why you remember things that you can't. I can't remember

I was talking to. It sounds really interesting. I think I was talking to the same person. Who was it? Can't remember. Were they blathered? No, it was a really interesting guy?

Was it Hattie? No, I don't think so. Because I haven't seen Hattie for a little while. But the idea being can your cells and the atoms in your cells have a memory? Do they hold information

about what's happened to them? And if so, because the cells that are in you were in your grandparents. So part of your grandparents' memories could be within you and that could be why you feel certain. And that's why I'm racist now.

It's been handed down. Generation to generation. But that's like that is a based in medical, like that's based in. Is that not the same thing as like if they put your consciousness into an AI, would it still be you or would it be? Kind of.

But like if you take your ancestors ailments, like the, you know, medical issues, why can't you take other things? Yeah. Like, I'm not necessarily I'm saying, I believe all in this, but I think there's a bit of medical basis in it. What?

The stuff that's coded into your DNA. Yeah. It's affected by the person, people who come before you, including what they've been through, their trauma, their feelings, their emotions,

their experiences. Yeah, it's a theory. At this point, it's just theoretical. Totally, yeah, of course. But it would explain Bruce Forsyth being Harry Houdini.

Yeah, it would. And that way you went into, because his, performing and card tricks and that. Okay. Yeah, yeah, it makes real sense. Who are we talking to? I'm not to see you.

To see you, I'm happy. Never lock Bruce in a small room. Wait, nice to see you, to see you. When he was hiding in there, you couldn't. Now you see me, now you don't. Now you's kind of like a... That's as like hints. Nice to see you, now you don't.

I mean, to see you nice. Especially if it's not what he said. Nice to see you. I'm hiding in the safe. That was his original. I was like, that doesn't make sense for his... In the regla.

In the regla. I think we all forgot off with so. I'm married you, Dene. All the old people in the crowd going, what did they say?

Maybe that's when it was. All the old people didn't understand them. I hope you're stoned listening to this because this has been a great ad fuck. I'm very you.

So you're going to Ghost on 3's booked in. Ghost on 3. Early next year it's being filmed and you'll hear all about it. I'd like a Scouse medium.

I'd like a Queen of Scotty Road. Okay, now. Harry Eudini's right up my asshole. You know what I mean? When did Bruce Forsyth die? 2017. Yeah. So if Harry Houdini

became Bruce Forsyth two years later, that means there's a six-year-old kid out there right now, tap dancing and doing magic tricks and we don't even know yet. There definitely will be as well. In America or somewhere. Would we find him? Could we find him?

How old Zeta? Older than six. Yeah. No, was she nine? It could be Jack. 2017's not six years ago. Oh, yeah? No, but it was two years.

There's a two year. Oh, it was actually only like a year in three months. Oh. So it could be Jack. 15 months. What's the date? What's the date? He did?

18th of August, 2017. So that would be the 18th to November? What's Jack's birthday? 2018. When the year was Jack born? I mean, 20th? Yeah, 2021.

What month? April. April? Maybe that was a really slow sperm though. Maybe you fucked Laura at 2018 and there was just a little sperm just going do, do, do, do, do. Yeah, she doesn't clean properly, so yeah.

That would explain that. Seven months with 18th on November, I think, how many letters in Bruce? Five plus two. Yeah. Jack is the reincarnation of Bruce Sautil. What if that sperm is Bruce Fawc. He was dead old,

so it would take ages to get there anyway. He was slow, won't it? And every time I tie him up with chains, he gets out. How's he doing that? Keep an eye on him, man. All the evening I was find out who the new Bob Monkhouse is. Because there's definitely a new Bob Monkhouse somewhere. I kind of believe in reincarnation.

I like to believe, it's the one I like to believe in the most. I think it can be cross-species, though. I've always had this vibe that I might have been a leopard at one point. A what? Leopard? Leopard. Good, good. Right.

Possible. Yes, I think everyone thinks it's cross-species. I think that's... It's all atoms, man. Some people believe that... Maybe you've got memories of being a squirrel like seven generations ago. Possibly.

You love not. You have to unlock them? I think you might have been a tuna. Yes. Do you know what I mean? That's why you want to eat it. Could that be cannibalism? No, you are quite...

You are tunery? Big tuna? Yeah, you'd be a big one. You'd be like a... Oh, thanks, man. Finn was probably a me, a cat. I think I was a horse. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm feeling horsey, man. Harry was seaweed. Tremiba. So sentient. Harry, you would it all... Harry was seaweed. Not sentient plant.

Such an unnecessary cunt off. I'd want to be most playful and creative. Nastiest things I've ever had. Lodgey were fucking seaweed. You would have a sea... Was I one of the ones that got picked? Or did I just stay down there? Just knocking shit over in the ocean.

You got out of the streets? No, I didn't mean like I got legs and like I was in showers and that. I got around. I think you more of an emu? Like small brain. Not a bit beaky, aren't you? Bit beaky.

You got like a little beke nose. I've got a Roman nose. It's also being like broken a lot. I don't mean that in a bad way, by the way. I just think you got a little beke. Yeah, that's the thing. We don't think it's Roman. We think it's emu.

Emu. Emu? Hey, like a really moody emu. It's like a Yorkshire cow. Emu. I think that's Steve was an owl. I think Steve was just another fella, you know. Who are you?

Comment below. Like and subscribe. All right. Well, let's have a break. Fucking up. and we're back. I felt really scouts the other day. I was quite proud of myself.

Because Laura booked in to have a haircut at WonderLab. Hair cut. In Fazzacquil. Wow. Yeah. She was like, I found this place.

It looks really good. Great reviews. I don't mind the drive over. I was like, where is it? She was like, it's on the outskirts of Liverpool. I was like, what area? And she was like,

Fazer curly? It sounds like. And I get it. I get why you do it. because I was like, lad, you're in for Zachily, you fucking knobbed!

It was great because I felt like, I felt part of the fucking... We were born. We were born in for Zach, lads. Fazzacally? I thought you were born in the font,

the pub. Oh yeah, where the women's used to do. Into pub, bury me. I was born in the same delivery room as John Lennon. Maybe I'm John Lennon.

That's how that works. Age difference, gap difference, that's how that works. When did Lennon die? December. 1980. 12 years, a slave.

You could... Do you mean? A slave to the afterlife and then Adam becomes... John Lennon. I think I was just up there writing tunes, man. And then I was like, do you know what? That's enough albums for the afterlife. Yeah, John Lennon was quite funny.

I think stand-up was something he could have done. Hey, we're learning so much about this. Adam is John Lennon and my son, Jack, is both Harry Houdini and Bruce Forsyth. No, the lineage of Jack is Harry Houdini, Bruce Forsyth. Jack Nightingale. He's not both.

He's just the lineage goes on. No, he is both of them. No, he's not the lineage because he's not related to them at all. So he's definitely not the lineage. You're saying he is them. I'm saying... You don't know for sure. I don't know for sure.

There you go. Are you 100%? I'm pretty close to 100%. There you're not 100, man. No, I'm not. Less than 5,000 to want them in the league. You can have babies up until you fucking die as a man, can you? Maybe Laura bought a bit of Bruce Forsythage.

And when you went looking. When he wasn't looking, no one was out the house. What do you do, Lord? I fancy a Bruce Forsyth, baby. And where was the Forsyth Giz from? Trusted seller, obviously. The Darkweb.

Oh, dark web. Maybe she met him and a garland. And then milked him. Oh, my God. I don't want to have to WhatsApp my wife asking if she milked 87-year-old Bruce Forsyth. I don't think I should. Let's give some advice

To help I'll solve your problems I'll tell you the best thing to do If you want to do it You'll be fine If you don't you might do time My shoulders This is from Anonymous

Need some advice here lads I've stupidly looked through my Mrs phone And found some old videos From before me We've been together just under a year It's videos of her giving blow jobs And getting banged by someone else just to be clear

there's no messages from other lads I'm pretty sure she hasn't cheated on me it's just it's just it's just you're not having me number get you cock out

it's just she's kept old videos of her getting fucked and I don't know how to feel about it or what to say she does enjoy filming stuff with us and keeping it

but old dick in a hidden folder feels like a betrayal what do I do here she's got that old I know why you feel weird about it, but at the end of the day, she probably remembers them anyway,

so she could just play them in her head whenever she wants. Maybe she's got our fantasia, this is the only way she can. Why has she got videos of her sucking dick? Why, like, are she taking them and sent them to the fellas, or have they recorded them?

What do you mean? Why does she care about a video? She's probably gone, I'm going to suck your off, old disc camera. But why does she, why does she watch herself? Because I think she's gay.

Some women like that. Gay, then. I wouldn't mind, like, seeing a video of myself, on someone out. Hold that. Vertical. You know what I mean?

Also, don't go on if... I mean, I couldn't imagine I've been on Seneca's phone. It's just... If there is videos, there isn't. But if there is... By the way, I want to see them, man. What if you found the picture of it,

Laura and Bruce Forsy? A milking. Oh, she milks into a mouth. No. Well, then no. As soon as she's done it to her mouth, I was like, you're lying. You said you wanted the jizz for insemination.

And then she's like, uh-oh. She mucked into moments, a little bit of a little bit of a little. And she was like, oh, fuck, I'm here now. Just to clear up. In a big day, force. My wife has never goshed off Bruce Forsyck.

You don't know that? Not 100% unless they won the league, didn't it? Well, it's either you did or you didn't. Like, you either win the lottery or you don't. It's 50-50. So if you don't think she definitely didn't. Until you ask her? Yeah. It's Schrodinger's Bruce Forsyth, blowjob.

And women lie. Do you know Schrodinger was actually? actually trying to prove that that theory was bollocks. Not interesting. Schrodinger's cat. Do you know what Trojan's cat is, Dan? Go on. Talk me through Schrodinger's cat.

So basically, back then, all the scientists were like, A, until an atom is observed, it can be sort of considered to be sort of absolutely everything, all at once. It can be two things at the same time, and it is both of those things because it isn't being observed.

and Schrodinger was like right, so you're telling me I put a fucking cat in this cupboard and until we open that cupboard that cat is both a larva and dead is that what you're fucking telling me because that's fucking stupid isn't it and all his scientists mates

were like, you get it? And then he became the face of the fucking teddy. Like I'm not looking at Steve now he might be dressed as Godzilla. He isn't. Double take. Do you get her?

Yeah, I love it. I really love it. It's the potential. Like out there, we don't know what's happening out there. All possibilities. Like, because I'm not looking at my wife right now, she could be sucking off Bruce Forsyth. I can't prove that she's not.

That's a fact. Yeah. But atoms do change when they're observed. Parts of quantum physics. They feel guilty. Oh. Shy. Oh, I didn't want you to see.

If you went on your Mrs. phone and so, because you've been together a couple of years and saw her getting absolutely railed. Yeah. a guy you don't recognize. You're allowed to be like, what the fuck is this doing on your phone? Isn't rail the gang bang?

Yeah. That's a train. No, railed is just. Trains gone. All right, just for the purpose of it. That's just for the purpose of this. She's getting bummed. She's getting,

someone's having intercourse with her. And she's like, fucking out. 8K. She's facing the camera that way. Hello. Tripod and everything. She's really put the effort in.

You're allowed to be pissed. about that, aren't you? That she's kept in on her phone. Absolutely. She's not cheated on you, in theory. Isn't keeping old nudes

a bit weird anyway? Isn't it a bit like grey, murky waters there anyway? I think it's different if, if they're all of her sucking, I mean, I guess not because the cock's there,

but it's like if you keep old nudes of other people, that's murky. And if it's all there, getting riled. I think the, the exes, usually it's lads go

and I've got these pictures, I'm gonna, like this, if this is all, if she said to her ex two or three years ago, can I keep these videos? And he was like, yeah, do what you want,

which sounds like a lad. Then she's not done anything wrong like that. No, no, not morally, but like for their boyfriend. You shouldn't be looking through the old bang picks. Once you're settled down, surely. I think the problem is the hidden folder. Yeah. You've put them in a hidden folder.

That feels betrayal. Should have been a screen saver. If they're just, if they're just there, like in the ether, if they're just there. Yeah. And you've just like, oh, I forgot to delete those pictures of me, getting me a bummed clean off, right? But don't say that.

Then that's fine. But if you've gone, do you know what? She's actively hidden. I don't want them to see them, but I want to keep them. Did it say she'd added to them as well? Is that what he said? They like to film stuff. So surely his stuff's in the hidden folder as well.

No, I think his stuff might just be in a folder. Maybe she's just the content creator, man. Like she's like Scorsese, she's just building up a repertoire of cock. Maybe she's watching like game film Like oh I can pull this trick out again Like John Aldridge probably scored some of his best goals at Tramere Before he got to Liverpool Like she can go back on somebody of the highlights

Do I mean? Say that to her Oh so she's doing analysis on it Yeah He pulls it right there Yeah 40 from Toy Story And just for any of you on with a little bit of OCD I don't think John Aldrus was at Tramere before Liverpool

Because you googled that recently Who am I thinking of Because you did Google like this news there Tremmer after Liverpool pool and sociad. I'd be fuming. I'd be fuming. Would you be fuming?

I'd be a little turned on as well. I'm throwing it out there. Would you ask her first? You can't be fuming and turned on. Oh, you can. That's the fun of the cook life. You feel jealous, but you feel alive. You feel angry and you're aroused.

It's emotion when you feel not enough normally. I think that's the thing with cook stuff. Yeah. What? The end of his career, Tommy. You're right. Was it Oxford before Liverpool, yeah? And Newport County.

Yeah, Newport County, Oxford. Would you be like, would you go? Great goal scorer. Would you be angry? I'm so sorry that we're doing this advice in around John Aldridge's career stats. Would you be angry? Scored everywhere.

Yeah, I would because he went to Sociedad and kept scoring at a high standard. Yeah, I'd be angry that just because of geography, he moved to tram me. He could have been at a higher club. And I don't want Laura getting fucked. But if I have to see it, probably going to be a bit turned on by it.

Yes. No, so if you went, Laura, we're on your phone because I had to ring one of the people at Nairstery or whatever you do, and I've seen videos. A wild phone call, that would be. I don't know. Do you know what a year and a half ago when I had children there? It was great times.

Yeah, you make you cocktail or something. What's this? A gang bang. No, and you're like... She's sucking off John Aldrich. In a tram-maker. There's a video of here if you absolutely chong and rarkoch. And that is the word that I'd use. Chunging rachoff.

That was the magician's assistant as well. And you went to, why is that there? And she went, oh my God, I'm so sorry, I should have deleted that. I'm not kept in a hidden folder called Don't Show Dan. If she deleted it, would you be angry still? Sorry, hang on. You see a video and you go, watch that. And she goes, oh my God, I'm so sorry.

And she goes, delete. Would you be, would that, I'm going to wash away? What if she said, the only reason I keep that is that he was shit in bed. So every time you fuck me and I'm not that satisfied, I look back at this to realize it could be. worse. I'd be so upset with so many

I, listen, if it's a genuine oh, I can't believe that that was there. I'm so sorry I'd delete. But you're gonna look really petty if you're like, no,

the betrayal is already in. But if she's like, yeah, no, I just, I like it, I still, I still look at it. You'd feel a bit.

It's a form of betrayal. I think it depends how much she's enjoying herself in it as well, you know. She's like, oh my God, it's never been as good. It will never be as good again. It's like, Abba? Steps. You could film remakes with her. And then I was like, oh, babe, you love,

you just love watching yourself getting bang. Where's the folder with me in it? And she's like, oh, no, no. Just be like, no, I don't want to do in the sanctity of your cock. It's like the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, armish. Yeah, she's like, no, no, I've had a person. Pock soul goes.

Yeah, I want to... These people, I thought, they mean not unto me. You could remake it all, though, like they did with Lilo and Stitch. With women? Like Ghostbusters. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, all female cast of this blow job. Real, real life. Real... Yeah, we could, yeah. Yeah, I'll not try and riff on it because it was mental. Yeah, because... Yeah, because...

No, because you could go... Yeah, you could hurry. Good point. No, because you go, wow. We've never done that. Can we do that? And then you've gone... on the bed and you're like,

yeah, get a director in. Because they're doing something so wild that I don't even know how to do it. Macarena. These are all videos, aren't it? It's just a video of Laura doing the macarena with a fella. It's just a music video of the machina.

You've got to just let that lie, man. If you want to do the macarana with it, just ask her. Wait, Lord, it's just YouTube with Macarena. Do we get that on obsoles at any point? No, it's kinkier than that. Have, like, Laura and I have never filmed anything. Have you filmed any... Not even like Lord's, like Etta's birthday parties, or you?

A very separate folder, very separate folder. I'm from Dan. Have you been having secret party parties? You just said you never filmed anything? We've never filmed anything sexually. Have you... Are you in the area where that's a thing you've done? No.

I haven't filmed anything with me misses now. I want to now, though. Harry? I don't think my face I'd remember my face in the future I mean. You should remember your face in it? No, I say if I'm,

so we had sex in Italy with a full length mirror and that was quite hot but I was just looking at the mirror. I was Patrick Bateman in it because I was like, my face needs to be fine. I'm into mirrors.

Mirrors are good. Yeah, unless my mum turns up in it. Damn. Mum, how do you know Harry Houdier and Bruce Forsyth? Shh! Immigrantal. There you. Anonymous.

Hiya, boys. 21-year-old lady here. I need some advice. I just loved the idea that that previous lad, Britain in for actual advice and we've just done all that. Ended with a mirror with your mum, Bruce Fawside, Harry Houdine.

He's a my grandson. Anyway, moving on. You got your old's fax in the middle. Go on. Hi, boys. 21-year-old lady here. I need some advice. This has been playing on my mind for weeks.

I got the number of a customer I served at work. My work is quite chilled, so it didn't feel inappropriate. And we got on like a house on fire. He was out with his family when we met. His cousin spoke highly of him, and his mum recorded a very. video of us doing a handshake we both just made up together. He was my age and quite handsome, so I messaged him the next day. No reply. Messaged him again later the same day.

You're losing. No reply. I think he's forgotten who I am, but I can't forget about him. Do I text again and remind him who I am? Oh my God, no. What we could be. Or do I need to get a grip and leg it off? Thank you, love you. You're the best. 21-year-old lady. So she texted him the next day and she thinks he forgot who she was the next day. And you see,

I think you can build a relationship with someone with this level of bad memory. Later the same day, wasn't it? Two texts the next day. Double text. Zero reply. She's like,

I think he just needs one more text. I love you. I love you. Have you forgotten me? Do you remember the handshake? Did she do the anchie when she met him? No, I think they've been having

a bit of repeat sort of customer banter and they've got on, they've sparked. really well. My man's charming, isn't he? But if you've got good chemistry, you can come up with a fucking wailty of a handshake on the spot. Go on. Go on. Go on. It's phenomenal.

Wow. Oh. That's the chemistry. That's why I texted him. We've never done that before. He didn't tell. He doesn't reply. But I text him like, remember me? Remember me from the handshake? Remember what we could be? Next time we comes into the shop, just go,

I text you, you know. Twice. Into the shop. Yeah, she works at. No. The next time he comes into the shop, pretend you don't recognise him. What is this shop? I think she's...

She's had the workplace, didn't you? Oh, I thought this was a restaurant. I've assumed this is a restaurant situation. They might that it was a coffee shop. Because what... All right, okay, could be, couldn't it? And then she's gone back to the table a few times. I had blockbuster video in my head.

There's blockbuster video. The whole family's gone down for a video and they're like, oh my God. And to the point where they're renting videos. Or taskers. And the cousin's like, he's great, you know. He loves great films. Do a handshake with him. He's great at it.

Do a hand shake with him. shake with him. He's great at that. He's greater than she. She sounds like such a fucking sweetie, don't she? She's a romantic and she wants it to be magic

and I just don't think he could give a fuck. Or maybe that's not his number. Yeah, maybe you give you the wrong number because he barely ate you. He's giving you a flirt, divert. Oh, he's gone, yeah, 07, blurt. FaceTime him.

07 blare. She's kind of my shout. Like, she's gone, oh, and then he said eight, and she thought she said seven. Hire and a private investigator. on the dark web and follow him. Yeah, yeah.

Because that's what he wants, because he wants to remember you because of the handshake. He doesn't do handshakes with anyone. He might have loads of videos of old handshakes on his phone. You've got to get over that. And if you're looking for the reason to,

like if he catches you, like following him, taking bad boys too. And this only works if the film he came in for was Bad Boys 1 by the way. But if he did come in for Bad Boys 1, taking Bad Boys 2 and be like, the sequel's never better,

but this one is. And that is if it is, is in blockbuster video. Don't do it if this is in a coffee shop that you work at. Oh, you're back! I've got bad boys too. What do you mean? It doesn't make sense.

Come! Watch your number again. O seven blared. Yeah. If you say to someone, watch your number and they go, 07 blared. They're trying to not tell you their number.

I think, I think keep messaging him. I think you're just No face time him FaceTime FaceTime And then do the handshake Yeah

Get a copy of the bad boys too On the internet Print off a realistic mask of them Using the 3D printer I love that Put another fella in the 3D mask Who's roughly his height FaceTime him

And then go You forgot look Remember this And then he'll look at you and him Doing the handshake And he'll be like Fucking finally yeah That's me

Get two hours He'll love that This is what we don't tell women. And we can say this as quite a laddie podcast. We love having strange men wear masks of us

and getting FaceTime to that. You can get that guy in the mask to knock at his mums and go, it's me, your son. What's my number again? And get his real phone. Lads love that as well. They love strange men

and masks going around to the mum's house and knocking on. What's my phone number? This is invaluable advice for women trying to find love. I feel for you. Just take any of that advice.

Olivia says, hi lids. advice. How would you recommend making friends in your 20s? A lot of my mates moved far away like Australia or uni and I dropped out to work full time. When my boyfriend is at golf, I don't have an equivalent or people I can ask to go out. How would you suggest? I know you ate it when I do this, but could you start again because I got so distracted by something of detail? Sorry. Sorry, mate. It's not a high octane one. So, yeah, go on. Olivia says, young Olivia. Live. Live. says hire lids advice

how would you recommend making friends in your 20s a lot of my mates moved far away like Australia or uni and I dropped out to work full time when my boyfriend is at golf I don't have an equivalent or people I can ask to go out how would you suggest to get out there and meet people

love the pod on all of you and that's from live kiss kiss you ever seen the start of die hard where Bruce Willis is in a black neighbourhood wearing a sandwich board saying, I hate it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't do that.

The opposite of that. What's the opposite of that? We're a sandwich board saying I want friends and go to par. And he might be friends with Samuel or Jackson. It would have been a very different...

Is that Diard 2? Diard 3. With a vengeance. Also... Great one as well, isn't it? Is Diard 2 diard? No, it's just diard 2. No, it's not.

It's definitely a sub-t. It's too, die too harder. I think. And then it's Diard for Tokyo Drive. It's Diard. It's Diard 4.0. And then it's and then it's

a good day to die odd but we don't talk about that one. Why do we not? Because it's the four, it's the four. They ruin it with the fifth one. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Make friends, I don't know. Like, what's this move to uni or Australia? Are they the, it's a bit of a weird one. Well, that's just what mates have done.

And her mates have fucked off. Maybe she needs to go to you then. that's a good place to make friends. Genuinely, how would you make new friends now if you fell out with everyone? Felt out with all the years. Yeah,

you've pissed us all off. It's not a football because every time you play five or size. Yeah, you've come back fuming. I'd have to get a new hobby, wouldn't I? A hobby that I was like not good at

so it couldn't be pissed off for people who they would bother it as well. I'd be like, I'm going to start, I don't know, haberdasherty or something. I'd be like, let's go to Habibati and I'd be like, can you teach me? Or like a game,

like a chess chess club Habidashry or chess You know what I mean I get him you go I don't know To play this And you go and learn

And you're a nice person Like just teaching me this And then you become friends With your bridge I think the examples are mental But the theory's right Get a new hobby Yeah

He's your boyfriend's going out To play golf That's probably on a Saturday Isn't it The sandwich bottle Would work for The Habedashari Because you can say

I love knitters That's That's fucking clap Incredible. After you press the button. Just. It didn't deserve that. Should have stood alone as a bit.

Get in a hobby, get a new friend. There's been a lot of people coming to our events recently on their own, making friends. Like that's in the Patreon chat all the time. Do that. You're writing in.

You like the podcast. Yeah. Come to one of the discords. I've got a new Discord. Join my Twitch. Like there's a lot of, communities, built within this podcast everywhere.

Join one of them. Yeah. But I mean, those people come together when we do a special event. There's not a ton of those, is there? No, no, but then they make friends outside of that and then they meet up and do other stuff.

What's your go-to? Like, your partner starts golfing. And she goes, hey, babe, don't, you're not doing this. This is my thing, right? Yeah. I'd be quite annoyed if she did that with golf, but yeah.

What's your go? She's out of the house seven hours. What day? What's how long? In my head, because I've seen so much. many wives winging on on Instagram. A full round of golf plus beers is seven hours. How long

is it? Four hours for the round and then yeah an hour for food before and two hours for pints after about seven hours. Right. Seven hours. What's your what is your go-to activity that you're going to get involved in? Sorry. Right. So you just tell me this. I've got a day off and my beard fucks off for seven hours.

Seven hours. And I've got to find a way to make this day bearable. And it's on a Saturday. My activity is, my activity is seniors or sitting at home. Right. I think I might, I don't know, I might sit down for a bit.

Yeah. Watch the footy play with an Xbox. I might have a sandwich, right? Sandwich on the couch and then put the place on the arm of the couch and just leave it there for a bit. What do you mean? Nice.

The second the plate leaves your hand that goes to the kitchen and gets, no, that's insane. Not on golf in Saturdays. I just do that then. I just leave various plates Australia else. Just leave that there for a bit.

Doesn't matter. No one's asked. See what's happened here, Olivia is. None of our mates have fucked off to uni or Australia. So, Saturday's on your own sweet. Yeah, just...

Relax, have some Utah. Read the book. Like, learn books. Lain books. Learn books. Go to a book club? Yeah. Saturday after. I might,

let's say Alex's tea time is you know, 10, 17. So she's got to leave at 10. She's got to probably leave at 10. 25. So probably, I don't know, I'd walk to one of the local cafes, get at breakfast. Is this your perfect Saturday? What's happening?

And then walk back. So that's probably half 11 now. And then probably sit down for a bit until half 12. Sandwich at all? And then. Have another sandwich. Yeah. I have three pints. Looks good.

The dog. Nice. If any of the lads want to come, they can. So some of them are in Australia and at uni. Yeah, but quite happy to just sit in the pub and have three pounds on me own. Walk back. Then I'll have the sandwich and leave the plate. Nice.

And it's now what? Five o'clock. So she's due home any minute. Right. So at that point I would move the place. I'd put it near the sink. And I think that's what I do with me seven hours, yeah? I don't think you've really got any time for haberdasheria.

That's the sad thing, isn't it? Where'd you fit Haberdasheria? You don't? I joined an improv troupe in uni. Get to fork. Because me misses eight to me. I was like, I'll join an import. She was golfing.

She was, I don't know, she was tall. And I joined the shrimps, the Sheffield Improv. I won Improv Comic of the Year in my first year, despite never actually doing a show. Nice. What was your go to? Did the Improft? bit of that come from improviser from Gimp?

I think it's a duble entendre. The Gimp squad. It was like, it was all ran by people. I mean, they were lovely. It was all ran by people who didn't actually go to the uni. They just lived in Sheffield. So what was, yeah, so on the spot, you can improv anything. Give him a scenario.

That's what you normally do. Okay, you've got no friends in it's Sati. You're not allowed to join an improv group. I'm not allowed to join an improv group. No. I tried to join the poker society as well. I turned up and they'd stopped doing sessions. They just hadn't taken off the calendar.

That sounds like a lie they made up to not let you win the poker club. Well, we've stopped this. Leave. No, no, no, no, no, no. We're not doing that anymore. Shut that door, lad. We're all good at lying because of the poker face. I had a mate who I lived with who broke up with his missus

and he wanted to kind of rediscover himself. He went to church. and I thought he was going to church to kind of find himself because he wasn't really religious but he was going to church to find Dan Walker. You used to host match to the day team.

Yeah. He runs the same church and he did, he found him. What? I think he was just stalking Dan Walker at a church. Yeah, so Olivia just stalked Dan Walker. He's a tall man as well so he's quite easy to spot.

I'd like to join a choir. That'd be nice. That'd be one of my go-toes. You can quiet as well, can you? I can quiet. I could, I could, I could, I could, chorister again. I don't believe in any of the...

What are you? Religious... No, I'd be a tenor now, I think. You can be in, like, one of them pop choirs. Hi! Yeah? No, yeah, where you're doing, like... My sister-in-law goes to a choir, and they do, like, Olivia Bean or whatever.

Nice. Jack Finnegan's dad runs a choir. You could join that one. Flex, I've already got an inn. Yeah. Do they do Christian stuff? Are they doing, like, fun... I don't think he's particularly religious.

I think they're just doing bangers, like... Tupac is made, the big one. Ambitions is a rider. hole, hole, and then you come in with the... Because I fucked your bitch, you fat motherfucker and clickety-clack.

You should join... You need a new hobby. You're not busy enough. Yeah. And Laura has been golfing a lot and sucking off the ghost of Bruce Forsy. No, she sucked him off and he was alive to get us come.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I hope that helped Olivia. I hope that helped everyone. You welcome. Have a break. Sean Moulches here, ladies gentlemen. Thank you for having me. It's your, I think,

17th time in this studio. Are you doing like they do on Sunday brunch? Do I get like a gold mug or something? Well, you might get like a... This is your fifth guest appearance. There's got to be... What is it? Egot. You get an egot as well. Idiot.

Idiot. You're the haveeat. There's not many of them. You've sat in both spots. You've been a... guest and you've been on a special. That's, yes. That's like, so, yeah.

Time for the gold badge for Sean. And you still got lost on the way, isn't I? I still got lost on the way here today because you guys have put yourselves in the train station on Google Maps. We didn't do that. If you put, have a word studios, it takes you to, to the train station. Sean, you know us all text. But Sean, usually you arrive via train.

So when it's sent you to the train station, why didn't you then just walk here from the train station? It started raining. And I just, I just didn't want to get wet. It's that simple. It doesn't get more... So you went to John Lewis? So I got driven to John Lewis. And I went, I'll just get out here.

And then I... But you've never walked here from John Lewis. No, and then I got lost. Then I got lost in a car and on foot. I got lost in every possible... We're at a train station as well. So it was at a train station, and in a car, and on foot lost in all...

And you had everyone's number and called no one. It's sad. And do this old school. If you Google it, we are at Lime Street right now. Great. That's where we need to be for Google's purposes. But how did you get there? We didn't do it.

We didn't do that for us. Oh, someone's just done that. You arrive at Liverpool and you're at, have a word. It's quite nice. Yeah. That's very nice. But yes. We don't want to correct it, you know?

No, don't correct it. So I'm a bit, I'm a bit flustered from being lost. And you said a three-hour drive to get here. A three-hour drive from... get here from Hull. Hey, Lifehack, lost my phone in the car. You know, when you can't find the phone, the phone's gone down, you can't find the phone. You try, you try to go, hey, Siri, where's my phone? The phone can't quite pick that up because it's... Well, mine just has. As yours. But what you do is you stick your AirPods in. Ask your AirPods where your phone is,

and then your AirPods ring your phone. You can have that. You can have that. You can have that. that? Where was the phone under the seat? It was under the seat. Obviously, where it obviously was. Hey, Dan, where's my phone? Under the seat. Yeah. So, but that is still handy

if you lose it at home. Are you living in Hall now? No, yeah. Why are you in Holland? We don't live there? I was in, I was a tour show in Hull. Nice. So, so there you go.

So where a man got up on stage during the show to get a selfie. That's a new one. Not many new things happen anymore, do they? But that's a new one. Go ahead. Just halfway for the show. I fancy a selfie, got on stage. Do you sound to fuck off?

Absolutely not, Adam. Were you interacting with him? We have different ways of operating with hecklers. Oh, hang on, there's people pleasing it, and then there's letting someone stop the show because they want a selfie. Sean, were you interacting with him? And he went, can I get a picture?

Or did he just walk on? No, no. He said, like, you know, oh, can I get a selfie? And I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I thought he meant, like, after the show. And so he got up and I went, no, no, whoa, whoa, whoa, not now. Sorry, no, I'm at work, right, obviously. And then, and then the crowd, like, booed that.

The crowd were like, no, give him a selfie now. So then he got up and I had to give him a selfie, which is, you know. I think people, I think the show just gets in the way of the meeting greet these days, doesn't it? That's what people actually want. They just want the picture. They don't give a fuck what any of us have got to say. No, okay. They just want to go, I met him, you know.

All the queue in a 500 seat theatre, I'll do all the selfies on stage, and I'll do the show outside afterwards. Next to the merch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I tried the merch thing. I don't know how anyone has the... What is it?

Confidence to do that? I don't know. I can't... You're just sitting in the foyer, and then people... Obviously not everyone wants. A, this is torture cap. thought everyone wants a cap that says this is torture on it

so people are walking past while you just stood there like a loser I can't I just don't I don't have the self-esteem to be able to like for me to be okay with selling merch everyone has to buy merch and it's not about money it's about me like me being okay with my they like me they bought a hat if they don't buy the hat then I'm going they hate me they hate the show would you buy a hat of someone you like

As of absolutely not. Many so. Have you ever seen anyone that you like selling their own merch? Yeah, I know we gave you that in person. You don't sell your own merch. There's options. Yeah, I know, but if you want, Dan, if you really want people, you know, it's the meet, agree and get a thing, right? You go out.

You don't go out. I go out. I don't sell the, they don't sell the merch. Yeah, but you know, I don't sell the merch. By the fact that you're going out, you're kind of selling. the merch. You're on a merch stand. You. Well, no, I'm next to it. With, this is torture written all over it.

And then it's so apt that you are there dying inside. Someone came to, this is, this is really, it sounds like one of those made up, but you know, this is real. Someone, whilst I was doing this in Birmingham, came up to me and said, just want you to know that I enjoyed the show, but, but I thought I was going to watch Sean Wallace and Sean Wallace, you don't know, Sean Wallace is. The, the Chase. Yeah.

Yeah. So I know we both wear glasses. But he's bald and black. I don't. And a quizer. He had a quizzer. By tall as a word. So what did you say?

He didn't say anything. I don't say it. I regret saying something, but I didn't say it. Even if you say it quietly, Dan, it picked the mic, picking it up. Sean Wallace on stage? Sean Wallace. Is he on stage? He's in Hull last night, if you're really, if you're not concentrating.

No, they just thought they were going, they bought tickets to see what they thought was Sean Wallace. They just, I don't know, they weren't looking properly. They came to see. Yeah, they're morons who are trying to see a fucking chase alive. To be fair, Paul Sinner does that. Yeah, but he's great and a friend of ours, so good for him and buy tickets to see Paul. But he's not just doing,

he's not like doing trivia, is he? What is he doing? Gay jokes. Is he on stage? So they've not accidentally bought, they've got, you both sell tickets, that's the thing. Does he sell tickets? He's got a show?

Right, okay. Hang on, what am I talking about? I don't know if he's got a show. What am I saying he's got a show? He doesn't have a show? He doesn't have a show? No. But he sells his own merch.

That's the main thing. Yeah. Maybe in the brochure there was no pitcher. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, it's that. Maybe it's that. Yeah. Well, whatever it is.

I'm not sure. Wallace. Or the printer was low on toner. Are you saying he loves it? Are you saying Sean Wallace looks like the no picture guy? Like the sheep. What you mean? Like just like a dark line with the white silhouette.

That's a lazy brochure on the car. I mean that kind of works because there's normally a question marks. You're like, that's a quiver. That does work. But if there's any, that is a good point. Like, and if there's anyone I know who would forget, other than myself, forget to send the venue a picture of yourself to put in the brochure, it probably is you.

Just forgot the pick. The poster's just that. The poster for the tour is just the silhouette. What did they think they were going to see? Like a quiz night? I suppose an audience weird things that have happened on the chase. Yeah.

Kick off that league. Are they going to see Giannan, Yeran, mate? I've got boxes off. Carl's got pre-sale tickets for Gianni-Nan. They went to Adam, taking the pitch. Do you want to go?

And then we just realized Jirangangelo. I've got absolute back-to-back Rama catalogue. How have you only just realised that. No, we, uh, no, because we weren't born in the 70s. Oh, okay, yeah. Your mum was banging a bit of Duran Duran out, though, won't she? Your mum was? Oh, my mum was. Just to clear, my mum never fucked Duran Dian.

Whitney, uh, Gabrielle. Uh, all the paints. Gabriel? Yeah. A bit of them people. My mum used to, my mum genuinely used to point to Gabrielle and be like, she's got a gamy little eye like you. So that's all right, didn't it? Reach for the stars. You know? That was S-club. And that was S-club. M-P-M-P-P-M-P-P-P-P-P-P-O. Who's Hucknall?

Simple Red. Simple Red. Simply Red. That was more my dad. Right, it was a... Lighthouse family. What? Lighthouse family. She loves a bit of Lighthouse family.

Oh. Come on. I love Lighthouse family. Oh, do. Be da-da-ba-da-ba-da-bed-de-da-de-de-de-de-de-be-de-le. This one's for you, Mum. He sang with the fubile. What a lovely tribute to our dead mums.

You're not a sweetie guy, Sean, no. A what? It's not a sweetie guy. Well, no, I'm not a sweet. So you are having... So what Dan does is, again, lover, best friend, business partner. Clear that up. Clear that up.

Business partner. Colleague. Loves buying bags of sweets in the studio. And he knows I'm a sweetie guy as well. So he does is he eats the bulk of it. And even if I don't want them, you leave on my desk, I'm being a friend, but also being a cunt. Because he knows I'll just fucking eat them, and I don't want to eat them.

They're just there. Why don't you want to eat them? Because I don't want to see any sweets, just off the, what's the point? What's the point? What's the point? No, you know what I mean? Off the cuff. What's the point?

Improft. When is there a point? If I go and buy... You're saying there's no point now, but you're saying there is a point. If I go and I want a bag of sweets. If they're there, I'll just be like, oh, I'm just going to eat them for the sake of it. Which is what people, you will just lazily eat things if they're there. He does in our separate WhatsApp group, he calls you

Nunu the Food Hoover. There you go. From the telly tubbies. Why are you still playing? Sweet. Don't come in. What's wrong with sweets? What do you mean?

You're, are you bit too old? I'm sweet. Too old for sweet. I mean, what are you? My doctor. What are you? Who are you? My dentist.

Hang on, did you ever go? Is this a phase? Is this a phase? Yeah, it's a phase that started in about 1984 and I've kept it up. So you've never, right, you've just never gone off sweets. I've been 21st. I'm sweet.

Never got off sweets. You never got off sweets? You never got off sweets? Sweet's sweet. Yeah. I don't have them in the house because I'll eat them all. Exactly. He's more...

Sure, I don't really eat sweets. That's help. Adam's more... You don't really kiss girls either, though, you big gim, shut up. That's true. I'm still doing that as well. Adam's more of a chocolate here. Yeah.

It's a chocolate. I like chocolate. So you've just got a different type of sweet. What's a different? No, sweets are colourful. It's for children. Yeah, Sean, have one of sweet, mate.

Come on. Give me a sweet. Oh, Sean's going to be back on sweets, man. Does I have a sweet? What is this? They're goats as well, Sour Patch kids. That's good, isn't it?

That is good. That's so colourful. You want to finish that bag? What's this? Joy, no thank you. Would you rather have them or a Maltesea? Oh, Maltesee, easy. Easy.

Also, Maltesea feels like, because there's an inside, it feels... Sometimes when you're having a Maltese, you kind of think, oh, this is healthy because there's no chocolate in the middle. No, and I'll tell you why. What's that bit in the middle? It's malt.

Malt. Malt. Malt. Malt. Malt feels healthy. And the outside's easy. not, though. No.

I tell you what, though, I can't eat a Malteseer at a time. I eat Maltese as like I eat like popcorn. It's just as much as I can get in my hand in one go. I know, I like to suck them. And do know the submarine, they're imploded?

I do that with the Maltese. How have we got? I get what you mean. Whoa. So I can put it in my mouth, I suck the chocolate off and I suck it until it implodes. Yeah. Like the submarine.

That is such a man play. Do you do that? Yeah. I eat one Maltese at a time, that's how I don't do it. Oh, no, I like it. So I look like me jawed it, because it's can't cope but how many Maltese's in my face? How have you got from eating Maltesea to a family of billionaires dying?

We've got a podcast this, y'all. I like a counter me as well. In fair, a counter over a minstrel, and that might be a bit rogue, but I like a counter. A what? A minstrel's a counter without its coat on. Sorry, a counters a minstrel without a coton. A counter? It's a soft.

It's a soft instrument without the outside shell. You know, the minstrel has like a crunchy shell? It's called the counter. They're not as good, Sean. I never knew that. I like them. It's a rogue shout,

because, look, you're entitled to your opinion as wrong as it is. You know what I mean? And then when it comes to Eminem's, I'm a bloomin. It's blue or not, and that's just the way it is.

Crispy Eminemms. Crispy Eminemes. They're sort of like a Maltese arrival, I suppose. I love a crispy Eminemone. Yeah. Too colourful for Sean. I sometimes be way too colourful.

I sometimes wouldn't, when I sometimes wouldn't, I was younger, I wouldn't watch teenage mutant ninja turtles because I saw that as the rival to Ghostbusters and I felt like I was being unfaithful to the Ghostbusters. Like Digimon and Pokemon? Yeah. Yeah. I thought Digimon, I

actively fought against, like, and Digimon because I was like, I'm a Pokemon guy, me. Yeah, but they probably were rival studios making, they were. Competing. Yeah, but Digimon was for Goths. Marvel, D.C., isn't it? Are you into either of them? Well, I don't care. No. No.

No. Don't care. Is anyone else care? No. No. Not really. He was Batman Jammer. Yeah, I do. You got me. Okay.

No, I think they ruined it when they made seven films a year. And it may be actively disliked them rather than just to be non-committal. And then you have to see all of them to see the... I can't be fucking ass. I can't keep up. The last time we saw you, Sean,

we were running through the streets of London dressed as Ghostbusters. Yes. Did you enjoy Sean Day? I enjoyed Sean Day. Yeah? Yes. It was, I mean, it was mental, wasn't it?

But your life is. Is that what you do? Can I just, can I just, can I just, I have a question, do the viewers know that that wasn't meant to be the end? And what the end was, do they know what the end was meant to be? I don't think so. Right. I think that needs clearing up. We were going to do another 9-11.

Yeah. But we couldn't get the planes. Sean was adamant. He was like, this is how I spend Tuesdays in London. Yeah. That was Tuesday as well? It was. Tuesday, the 11th, September.

9-11? No, 9-11 was Wednesday, wasn't it? Nope, it was Tuesday the 11th of September. So, the 5th and 1. Like, we're going to check on that. I think it was a Wednesday. I think it's interesting. What kind of day would you do 9-11 on? Tuesday.

So one of your least expecting it, because it's not the start of the week. So if you're in anti-terrorism, you're like, you get Monday out of the way, you're like, they're not going to bother this week now. I mean, at least not until the weekend. They're already looking at the weekend. Yeah.

They're already looking at the weekend. Tuesday, they're like, do you know what? Anyone in the sky? Now she was just come and get a bit of brunch And then you're at brunch What would you have done if they wear in the skies? What? Chop them down.

In disguise or in the skies? In the skies. In the skies, in the skies. They wear in disguise as not terrorists. Isn't that just everyone else? Sure. Yeah, they've got not good merch. So you're thinking in their daily life they're dressed as terrorists?

There was like two like fellas who were meant to shoot like danger out the sky who took like a coffee break, wasn't it? What? Norad. Shut up. There's two like bazooka fellas. He's thinking of Nordad and the fact that he was playing war games

on the same days, 9-11. Yeah. No, there was two, there was... Bazooka fellas. There was Bazzucca fellas. On top of the whale. Oh, coffee. No, their job was to keep the skies

of New York City safe and they were like, it's Tuesday. Yeah, Nordad. Let's go for brunch. Yeah. They were having smashed Avo on toast. This is two bazookas laying dormant on top of like the crazed.

Plavins, begette, vegetable crisps, all the, Prec classics. Yeah. Yeah, they were late. They were doing whatever Adam said. That's what it says. See?

Inside, whatever, Adam said. Fair and a fable fuck. But yeah, what was the plan? Well, the plan was that at the end, the, the Ghostbusters would stop 9-11. That was going to be it. No, the plan was that we would recreate the final scene, the denomar of Ghostbusters, and we would do that.

It was the only thing of the whole. day that you were adamant had to happen. And it didn't happen. And it didn't happen. Why didn't it happen? We forgot a Paul Gascoe in a wig. Something like that, yeah. Because I couldn't be Paul Gascoigne. So it felt like the whole thing was in the bed. There you go.

You took us to your clowns school. You're alone. We went to Cloud School. I think we learned a lot, didn't we? Yeah. Have you worked with him for a while? No. I'm afraid not Adam. A bit a while since he broke or. I thought

you don't work with him for my set is that what you get you get from my set you go he's this is all clown school I thought that was your clown teacher that wasn't my clown teacher you're very clowny though Sean you are like you know

you're very formative very physical yeah yeah yeah no no no no I didn't what the fuck you talking about because that no Chris was a Chris Chris Linan who was great it was great I thought you

saw him regularly I said, to do what? Clown? The whole one, they were doing a, bah! Oh, self-checkouts. Brum.

And if you like, if you like the sound of that, Sean Wallace is in a hole sometimes. Yes, well, self-checkouts were annoying at some point, 10 years ago.

You know, I actually, the routine you're referring to, the piece of art that you're referring to, I thought of that in lockdown because the only thing you did was go to Tesco. That's all I did. It was like you had that one trip and I would go to Tesco's. And so the only thing that I was actually interacting with in my life was that self-service checkout machine, which is why I got to know it so well. Not your partner. My partner wasn't there?

Was it not? Was it not there? Pre-partner. Pre-kind of pre-year, beginning of partner. Were you on your own on lockdown? In the house? Yeah, let's talk about lockdown. Let's look at...

What really happened in lockdown? What were we doing? Where are you on your own? I was on my own, yeah. I bloody love lockdown. Lockdown. No one talks about lockdown anymore. Let's break that down.

What happened there? When did you? First, does anyone remember when they first heard about it? The first, what's this? The first, I mean, we were doing the podcasts. A misconception is that Adam and I started have a word during the lockdown. We'd been going 12, 15 episodes before that. We'd been doing three months of podcasting.

Yeah. And there was the first rumours of, oh, they're going to tell you to stay in the house. And I mislabeled it as shutdown. And so that's why we called our daily episodes, shut down daily, which at the time, no one was buying. bothered about, they were like, oh, they're doing shutdown dailies. Within a few months, he was like, why the fuck have you called this shutdown? That's not the branding, but we decided what a labelling was before the zeit guys had decided

it was going to be called a lockdown. Yes. I seen a tweet yesterday from like a right-wing conspiracy grifter guy. And he was like, I don't know whether anyone else has noticed that this hantavirus has just disappeared. It's almost like they realized they couldn't control us anymore. And someone quoted it and was like, no, it just wasn't a pandemic. and it was never going to be a pandemic

and no one told you it was going to be a pandemic. Which one? Hunter virus. It was the new one, wasn't it? Oh, the recent one. Sean was like, come on. Summer in the garden. A daily walk.

It's just like the new one, isn't it? Like Ebola was in for the bit. Zika virus. Yeah. What's the new clickbait one? I can bend. But there was the bit where we all wore gloves. Sorry, we didn't all wear gloves.

I've never wore gloves. There were people where people wearing gloves. People were getting, sorry, I mean, I know, we've done, it's been a long time now, but, you know, you think it was mad. I had friends that were doing the shopping, they were coming back, they were washing their beans. They were washing their tins of beans. They really were, washing themselves, they'd get home, wash themselves, sell, wash the beans they bought. Just can't have a glass of wine tonight and wash the bean. I'm lonely. I'm not going to let the virus beat me. Wash the beans. Yeah, there you go I never bought the touching thing The bits on the

You're like Dan, you have to To have sex one No, I just Road Doggish I just look at a pussy You didn't buy them what? I got the airborne thing

I was like bullshit It's being left on the fucking Shopping that you didn't pick up Bullshit I never What have they sneezed on the shopping? Yeah, I wouldn't pick up that anyway No, you wouldn't know

Yeah Who's sneezing on shopping? People with COVID You know what? People are, with masks on going in taking it off, sneezing on shopping.

Oh, no, they weren't wearing masks, to be fair, in lockdown. They reckon Pfizer and AstraZeneca hired a lot of, like, deliver-do drivers, didn't he? And they were telling them to go and sneeze on everyone's food so that more people got sick and more people got the vaccine. Shut up. And then after the COVID, like, thing, after it all levelled out, they just, they left them on their own. They were like, you deliver-oo drivers now.

These were all working for the MI-5. His shot walks to go in the back of the head. Just, Finn, Google it. it'll say, yeah, what Adam said. That's why there's so many Deliveroo drivers. That's why it's so great to get food because they were all scientists working for their Mike 5.

Yes. And then they've just been like, that's your new identity now. Enjoy. Ah, bad. Get on the bike. Take that pizza over there, do you know what I mean?

Whilst we're on Deliveroo, what? Whilst we're on Deliveroo, this is quite important. I feel quite passionately about this. They've got to get rid of the bicycle. People are the bicycle. Come on.

They've got to assign. Moped on. car. They've got to assign them better because sometimes like we'll be here and we'll order from somewhere in town and they send a car and the car can't get here. And then other times I order from somewhere in town to my house four miles away and they put the guy on a fucking skateboard. It just needs to be a mile radius from the restaurant that a bike's okay and

everything else needs to be scooted or car. Yeah, bad. I was thinking about deliveroo Uber when they ask you to tip before just anyway the real reason that anyone tips is because well I think maybe it's a British thing

is correct me if you feel differently but I am tipping because this person is there the custom is that I tip you so I don't want to not tip that'll be awkward you might judge me for not tipping you I think it's to go beyond

that I've like Here's your food. Thank you. If someone goes beyond what they're expected, that's when you're wearing the tip. Oh, hang on. So you're not into like, well, that's a different thing.

No, you judge how long the food is taken. If it turns up hot, if they've been polite, and then you do the tip? Oh, you think they're polite and they do the job? Oh, you think rid of the... Well, they're like, oh, do you want to tip your driver?

I'm like, I don't know. I've just ordered. Let's see how long it fucking takes. I've seen American Reels where the guy, the, like, the, like, eggy delivery person's like, fuck you, no tip. You're like, well, how have we judged whether you're working?

If you get served in a restaurant, if someone's off with you, they're late getting you the bill, then you're like, I'm not going to tip. The service has been pulled. Yeah, but now they've made it so that you have to take off the tip. That's service charge. Are you going to take off the tip? That's different. What?

Service charges based on the amounts of people they've saved. They'll put that onto the bill. Service charges the tip? Not necessarily. Yes, it is. Where are you? Really? What?

Excuse me. What I'm saying is a tip and point to service is not it. They put the service charge on. Service charges tip. Yeah, but what I'm saying is that's not tipping as well. What? That is the tip. It's just another word for it.

I think the service charge has put on because of the amount of service. If it's a big, if it's a table of 20 people. It's just a percentage of the bill, Carl, isn't it? Yeah. Maybe I just tip more then. I just, I'll tip the person as well. You've been giving them service charge and a tip?

Or not because. Well, sometimes I'll go up. If they've been exceptional and there's a 10% savings. What's exceptional? Like really good, polite, they're quick, they're fucking listening. They get everything right. They're listening. Sit down.

Let's talk. Join the table. If they sit us down and immediately go, get you a bottle of water, they come over, they do a drink order, then as soon as they bring the drinks, they're ready to take the food order. Water immediately, drink order before the food order. When they drop the drinks off,

they're ready to take the food order. And you've never had to do that thing where you're looking for them because they're already there. They're on it, they bring it over. Is everything all right? They don't wait until you've got a mouth full of food. They put it down. They check at the right time.

They just fucking nail it. They're good servers. Then if it's 10% on the bill, I'll double the service charge. I'll make it 20%. I'll say there's a bit of chat and they're like, if there's a bit of chat,

they're lovely. They've gone beyond just their job. You get deducted for that with me. If they drop a pen on... I'm here to talk with the person I came in with. They'll drop a pen on the floor. They'll be... pick it up, they'll tithe your bollocks a little bit under the table.

30% is, you get 15% more for a sexual assault. But no, my point is is that you're tipping the human being, the human beings there. I think that the real reason that most people are tipping is because the person is there, the etiquette is that you tip them and if you didn't, there would be an

English kind of, oh, we both know that I've not tipped, I can't look at them as we leave the building. It would be awkward. But with Uber, after the fact it goes, do you want to tip? Yeah. No.

He's gone. Like, I'm never going to have to see him again in my life. Okay, so what would he have to do for you to tip? No, of course not. What would they have to do for you to tip? Wheely, as they turn up with the algae. Do a flip. The food turns up after 15 minutes when it said maybe it's going to be 30,

they turn, they're very friendly on the door without making conversation. The food is piping up. Stop, stop. Show me. I'll figure be friendly with me and don't make conversation. Hello?

Notive. He's a mind. He's been learning. He's been listening to Chris. Well done. Yeah. Am-la-na-da-da-da. What if he came in to you know?

Don't ring the bell as well. First mistake. Depends what time it is. Wait. ring the bell. Don't ring the bell. How do they let you know? You check them, my.

Phone you. They'll leave a phone you, or they'll message you. Don't ring the, but you can't, we're past, we're past, things evolve. Etiquette evolves, the way we exist evolves. You don't ring the bell. So you haven't heard them, they're at the door. Do you want them to just go, Sean? Sean.

That, that, that, that. What I want, it's, it's got me, it's got me text, then it's got me call. then if I've still not got to you, you please knock on the door, sure. What is almost never acceptable? Almost never acceptable. Even if your house is burning down, it's the five brigade,

don't knock on the window. Madness! Please saw who knocks on your window. What are you doing? I was a window knocker back in a 19th one. No, you can't lock the window. Are you the first deliveroo driver? If you can't knock on my window,

I think you're there to shout up. You're a psychopath. If you think it's okay to knock on someone's window. That's an anger move. I want the food. I want the food, fam. Delivery drivers have started ringing the bell and knocking on the door. And I always, I open the door with like venom.

Because they literally go, no, you don't need both of these things, brother. Like, if you're going to be a cunt and smash the door, that's more than enough. If you do that and bring the bell. Sean. Bo, who, poof.

I think doorbell ringing stops at like 8 or 9. Don't ring me doorbell after 9. Nine rings. There's a sign. If it gets to like 8 o'clock, I'm like, don't ring the doorbell. I won't bring the doorbell. If it's 4pm, I'm like, yeah, ring the fucking. But where did you lie on the window knocking?

Oh, if you knock on the window, I think you want to fight. Yeah, yeah. It's psychotic. There's an issue. I just won't ring anyone's doorbell at all. I'll text them instead. That's your good reason. I'm outside.

Yeah. I see that if I get to yours, I usually go on more time. Window? You see, I've got two small children that if they know food is getting delivered, we sort of like, they're at the window. I don't know. I've never got to, the guy never gets past the fucking front garden. We're out.

No, but if you visit, like, one of your cousins. One of my cousins. Cousin, which one? Gabe, cousin Gabe. Gabe and Leon. Gabe and Leon. They are gay. He's gay. That's nice.

Gay Gabe and Leon, right? Nominative to journalism. If you go up his path. Oh, I will. And he's got, what's it called, a bay window? Oh, yeah. Do you knock on there? Or do you knock on the door?

There's a sign above the door while saying, Broke, do not use. I'm going to, I'm going to go door. Yeah, you're right. I'm going to go door. How close? Cousin? You could just, fuck.

The windows, it's a nice sunny day. The windows open, like, all right, lad. I don't know how close you and gay bar. Service. Men and women of service. Sure, would you open someone's porch and knock on the second door? Fucking!

Excellent. question. That is phenomenal. When you're a kid, you're not open the... Did you do this? I would open the porch door. Did he knock? Get out. I once did that.

I once did that. My mate's house. My mate's house. It looked like a porch. It was out. We didn't have a second door. Fucking hell. So I opened the door just to his house. I opened a door and stepped in.

And his sister was eyeing with it, like in an underwear in the living room. I just went. And then, I didn't knock on the door. I just went home. Carl, do you know how they came up with the porch? Do you know how they invented it? Someone basically one day just went,

where are we going to put the yellow pages? We need somewhere to put the yellow pages. What are we going to do? We're going to have to build a special room for the yellow pages. I think it gets left there and never moved. Yeah. The yellow pages. You've got a porch, haven't you?

Did you build it yourself? You got a porch? Yeah, he's a fucking billionaire show. Someone's doing well. Yeah, you don't mean. Jeff Bezos, me, Elon, we're all porchman. Yours is like, it doesn't have a door to the porch or does it? It did when we moved in.

That's a portico. It did when we moved in. And I thought one day, Etta will be ironing in an underwear. So I want to make sure. No, we took, there was a porchy door. And then we... He's like a young hipsey. He took the door off and was like, my door's always open.

Yeah, always welcome. With him burgled 26 times. So you sort of step in to what was the porch. But that's open access. And then it's... Portico? Yeah. Is that what it's called?

I, for some reason, know that that is called a portico. Yeah. Thank you. Oh, yeah. Porch is just the gazebo. I've gone to... Yeah, that's what they call them. But you can't sit down or...

Porch is special building for yellow pages. Shoes. Wellies. And just all shoes. And umbrellas. No one chucks away shoes. It's a big thing where you chuck away shoes. Yeah.

Shoes that you don't wear. Go in the porch. Shows that just have rotten away. All of thin shoes they've in the porch. Yeah. All of the history, the history of your, all of your shoes. How many pairs of shoes do you own, including trainers? 25.

You can't get in the front door because it's just like fucking Auschwitz. You can't move for all this shoes. What, you've never been to my house? Jesus Christ, it's just, Jesus. My God. That is the place that my brain went. There's loads of shoes.

How do you know that? You've never been to my house? Well, they said mosque and it would have been less offensive. of... I didn't, though. You told me. Did I? And I pay the attention.

That's why I bought your shoe storage for Christmas. One of the worst fucking secret centers in history. That's not... It's not. No, of course it's not. Of course it's not. You're not used as present? No.

That's bad. Why? Because, what am I going to do with it? Store your shoes in it? What are you? I'm asking a shoe rack. What am I doing now? I'm not doing that.

The shoe rack is just a place for you to put your shoes next to. That's all a shoe rack is. It's that kind of go around the general area of the shoe rack. That's it. There's a big shoe rack and they're just kind of piled up on that in the porch anyway, so it's fine. What are you going to do when you've got your own flat? Like, are you going to... He's just going to build a shoe rack then.

He's saving it for the flat, aren't you? Because ladies would be like, oh my God, he stores shoes like that. Poor, get the pussy out. They're going to be a big vertical shoe rack. One at a time. Oh, wow. I once had, and I think this is the perfect place and time to introduce this here, but I once had, back in the early days of podcasts, an idea for a podcast.

I think it was a parody of a podcast, but what's, hello, welcome to Sean Walsh's, what's on top of your fridge. And that would be it. And I get people on and ask them what's on top of their fridge. On top of the fridge is an interesting... Crisps and protein powder. Big multi-buck of crisps. It's actually a freezer bag from M&S full of all the crisps have accumulated over the last

couple of weeks. And then... Moutwigs. And then there's two tubs of protein powder. A protein shake, that's a great one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Protein shake and sometimes bottles of wine. Oh, that's a danger.

I've got a wine. I know. I know. If you roll. Yeah, but that's where you stuff your bags for life. So I've got a... Man in the utility cupboard under the sink. Mine's in.

But on my mums, it's trays. Like dinner trays. Trees. I've got a tray on top of the fridge. Trees with... I love a tray. I've got a tray on top of the fridge. Have you got one of the...

Have you got one of the trays with the like, puffy soft bit underneath your lap? I've never used. They've got a spacing bead as one. That's what my old age looks like when I'm whipping that out regularly. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

On top of mine is a step for the kids for when they need to... To climb on top of the fridge. Yeah. They sleep above the fridge. It's nice. There's a gentle hum. It's the attention that we want.

won't give them. My missus has a little step ladder, like little thing just for the top shelves in the kitchen. Right. Well, my nine-year-old does as well. She's a borrower. She's a small, small woman. So that and the dustpan and brush, but it's built in. The fridge is built in, so it's not, this is not free, yeah. Yeah. Okay. It's own little. What'd you call that? You're going to get built. Integrated. Integrated. Integrated. Which means it's hard to replace, basically. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, they've actually. It's on top of your fridge. I actually, Don't know. I don't think I've ever looked above my fridge.

You've never looked above your fridge? You're looking at it when you open it? No, because it's a fridge freezer double thing. I don't look up. It's at the right height for me to look at what's in the fridge. The fridge is taller than me. Yeah, most are. Yeah, but I've not looked above.

But there's nothing being like kept up there? I don't think so. There could be. You've really not engaged in this house, have you? No. Can I just say, worst guests I've had on what's on top of your fridge? Absolutely horrendous. I don't know, Sean.

I don't think there's anyone out there that doesn't have anything on top of your fridge. You've got something on top of your fridge. In my mind, there might be a breadmaker. Or news appliance. That's exactly where the breadmaker would go. Sometimes there'll be like a lot of people will have like a juicer where they went through like their juicing phase of, and that just went on top of the fridge.

Yeah. by. Could be all your own sex toys. If you've never been up there and she knows you don't look up there. Yeah. We've got to find a place for our sex toys. Under your bed?

No. No, because that's... Got to be high, but we've got, the kids can... They need to be a wet... Safe. The kids are never looking under your bed,

that's a problem, you know. Yeah. Why is it a problem? Get a safe. There's all your sex toys in there? That's why they're not there. The kids are... Wherever you think they shouldn't be,

they will be there. They play, they, like, do you remember when you were kid? You were like, every drawer in your, like, your parents' room. You knew you weren't meant to be in there. You did a little itinery of everything that was in there. Yeah. So you've got to be careful with stuff like that. We've thought about putting the sex toy box in the fucking loft.

You need one of them safe where you're like spin it? And where does Laura keep all their jewelry? Jewelry? A jewelry? I, I, I can't have. So we've got a little box with a few little outfits and a few sex toys. That can't go in the loft. I can't have to get the loft ladders down every time I want to do.

No, no, no. I think this is too cheap. I just unlocked a memory of... What's the top of your fridge? Playing hide and seek with my brother. I slid under my... My mum and dad slept separately. Slid under my dad's bed.

Oh, no. Locked up and there was just... A small Ukrainian woman? A massive porn collection. I think that's the first time I ever saw porn. That's okay. I think it's like a big sex toy. Would you mean?

You got up because it was under the mattress. And so it was... It was like in the bed slats. But I was just, I was just lay there going, like, looking at tits. Looking at, there was, there was, there was, there was, there was, there was, there was, like, I hope he doesn't find me anytime. But there was, there was, there was, like, magazines and VHS and DVDs, like, he'd not, he'd not, he'd not, he'd not, it's not moved with the times, like, I feel like you get rid of them as they go. I can't be this guy.

He's like, old B, yeah. They're like, hide and seek, and I've ruined the child off. How many sex stories have you got on watching, like, your average piece? What's my average piece? What have you got in your arsenal? Listen, I've invested in one, Steve's giving me eight. Yeah, you've taken them from here. Yeah, I probably got more...

Where do you keep your bum plugs? Bum. Bum. I'm very British. I only buy British sex toys. Bob, bum, blah. We're cheap with ass jammers then. My ass jammers.

Separate box. They're up high. Because what I want on jacket's tall? Well, that's what I'm saying. High is good right now. But obviously, when he's six foot eight, how tall was Houdini? No, it's done before.

We think Harry Houdini might have reincarnated as Bruce Forsyth and we now think Bruce Forsyth might have reincarnated as Dan's son Jack because there was 12 years or two years between and I'm John Lennon. Obviously. Yeah, Sean.

What are you born, 85? 85. So you famous was born in 83. Let's see you. Sean died. Dives. Let's see who you might be. We reckon there's a two-year buffer.

I was born in the same bed as John Lennon. Is that true? Yeah. Karen Carpenter or David Niven. or... Buster Crab? Yeah.

What's Basta Crab? Isn't it? Isn't David Niven? Yes. Isn't David Niven the guy who one of the kids' mums in School of Rock is like, why is my kid?

All of a sudden interesting David Niven. It is fucking great that. I tell you what I thought, have you seen School of Rock? Yeah. Right. Sean, lock in.

What, Carl, look at me. Yeah. Just answer this instinctively. Watch Yo-Yo Mars. cousin called. Who the fuck's Yo-Yo Ma? It's in School of Roch. But you know who did get the job.

Yo-Yo Ma's little little Jimmy little nepotiz. Little nepotiz. Yeah. That is not his name. Nepotism. It's for nepotism.

Oh yeah. That came to me today while I was having a poo. Yo-Yo-y-Mu's cousin, little nepotis. How long were you pooing? that you got round to that. Hang on. I just say,

yo, you're not a character, unless you've seen some Asian. That's... Have you seen the crying game, the film? Probably not. The crying game is a British film,

I think, from the early 90s, right? And it's called the crying game. And I watched that years after seeing Ace Ventura, years after seeing Ace Ventura. In Ace Ventura, Ventura, when he realizes

that Finkel is Einhorn Finkle has Einhorn. Spoilers. Einhor is Finkle. Finkle is Einhorn. And he's throwing up. It's so transphobic. He found Captain Winky.

It was a different It was so I don't believe. I got made. I do so much compliance. All of the police. But anyway, oh my God. So, so, but when, so when he finds that out and he's trying to brush his teeth,

and he's squeezing like several two-faced. The song that's playing is, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. In the crying game. Right? Yeah. Never thought anything of it. If you remember that,

you won't think anything of it. I watched the crime game, which was made before Ace Ventura, and it's about a transsexual. So 10 years after Ace Ventura, I watched another film and then get a gag about... That's great.

That's mad, isn't it? Levels of Jim Carrey, man. Do you know who made that... Yeah, yeah, yeah, it can make you laugh. Ten years later. You made that film? No, do you know, who made that song famous? more famous.

No. Boy George. Oh. Boy George. Why has it said it like that? What did that? Just getting you said near them. Is it boy George singing it?

Is the more famous version apparently? He's your friend. It's Dave Barry as the original. Right. Okay. But so you made you think of this. Yeah. That's why I said.

Yeah. Well, yeah. But I mean, I don't, I didn't know these saying that. Can we talk about the most recent I'm a celebrity? because you were there for one of the... Oh shit, yeah! You're there watching Jimmy Bullard, Sparkhead, too? I totally forgot!

Yes, I forgot. I forgot. It was so amazing watching you watch that boot off. Your face is fucking brilliant. That was, yeah. So for those who don't know what happens, a very brief synopsis and you can correct anything I get wrong. Yeah, yeah.

So during the filming of... And normally when there's an Amma-Seleb, it's sort of... Goes out live. It goes out in the evening. Yeah, it goes out of the evening. This was filmed months in advance. Yes.

There was a lot of trouble during the filming between Jimmy Bullard and Adam Thomas. Yeah. And it was sort of, there was a constant negotiation about what was going to make the edit because neither one wants to look bad. Right.

It then goes out. Someone thinks they look worse than they should. They have the live show afterwards to be like, hey, it's all over. Let's vote to see who wins. And neither of them sort of wants to let it go and it sparked off again. on live telly.

Yes, yes, because the final was live, because the final actually went out live. Six months after... Yeah, more than six months, probably. Oh, maybe six months, yeah, sorry. It's been stewing for six months. Yeah. And there was a proper kickoff,

and they didn't show it all on TV. Well, I wasn't there for it. No. But yeah, they didn't show... They couldn't show all of it. Because it was very aggressive. Yeah. Because the C-bomb was being dropped.

Yeah. And... Cowazaki. So good. Cali-zaki with a seat. A chow-zaki? We're not. That's so wrong we can't broadcast.

Would you call me a fucking chow-zah? Okay, no. You big chowazaki guns. Sounds like a slur-d-oh. Oh, yeah. A chow-sac. Was it... So when it gets to the final, then...

Jimmy Bullard wanted to... explain what had happened there and yeah did that on live television. And David Hay loved making everything worse, didn't he? Like he really made all of that so much worse as well. Well, the thing is you've got to... You've got to be careful what you say. Can you see me? You might be going, oh, what do you?

I don't know what do I say? I can tell you one thing that I know that you don't have to comment on at all. Okay, fine, I'll just sit here. After that, so I know someone who works on the show, right? And it wasn't, it's not shown, right? So I know someone who, one of the runners

for the show, one of the, like, sort of people who helped the, especially the live version run. And after that, because obviously David Hay was a bit of a nightmare. And Anten Dech actually shouted at him at one point. He was apparently phoned as manager after him was like, yeah, I've just said a bit of stuff there. And Don't think would come across that well, so just make sure they cut that.

And his manager was like, tonight was live. Shut up. Shut up. That's... It's already out. Absolutely incredible. I did. I'm not heard that.

That's... He rang his manager to get that big cut out. That's amazing. I thought the other thing that happened, of course, is that I got... I was made to leave. Made to leave. During the show, we got split into two teams. The losing team had a surprise forfeit.

which was that our captain would have to choose someone to leave the show. And Harry Rednapp, instead of going for a pussycat doll or, you know, kind of national icon in my friend Scarlet Moffat, and then Mo Farrah, who had run, who had been trafficked to the UK and then went on to win two Gold Olympics, or David Haye, who could swat him. Whose job is to knock people out? Yeah, could swat him. And then there was me. So it was quite, it was a relatively easy choice.

I was pretty much in Heathrow before he had said my name, except he didn't say my name. I don't know if you know this. Yeah, you do know this. Right. I don't. So funny. He said Stuart.

Did you not see his tour poster? It called me Stuart. And I left, right? He couldn't remember my name. Did he think you were the Dark Destroyer? But he just, I mean, the confidence to not be able to remember someone name and then take a punt.

I should kicking him off the telly. I should just kicking him out of a show. I'm going to have to go with me friend, and I love him. Stuart. It's near QPR icon as well. He was the manager of QPR that was in charge when we went from Wembley to the Premier League.

But I didn't know that he called me Stuart. And I didn't hear him say that. I knew that he had picked me just by looking at me and saying something. So I leave the show it. And then it's when it goes out. Well, Stuart. Did he just call me Stuart? What the fuck?

Yeah. So I didn't even know that was happening. Just to add salt to the wound of, you're out. But a little five minutes. Also, I don't know who you are. And then you have to go back six months later to do a live final, where it's all been pretty toxic in places. there's been a huge kickoff.

Yeah. And you have to witness them having this Benny when you're like, mate, Stuart wasn't even there. Yeah. I'm going to have Stuart. This has got nothing to do with Stuart.

Exactly. But I don't, in all honesty, and I was just the truth, is I wasn't there for all of that. It was what I've said in the show, because I don't talk about it on stage. I just want to,

half of the audience haven't watched it anyway, you know, when I go, when I do my tour. So I just said it a couple of times after it went out and left it. But it was like, it was like having to leave a wedding early

and you were going, isn't this a beautiful day? And you call up the next day to find out how the rest of the day was and it turns out they got divorced. Like, just like in the night, they're just, what, what happened? I don't understand.

How could that be? It was like that. Everyone was really getting along. Gemma Collins, look, I know, and I understand that people judge reality television. I get that. Gemma Collins,

it just cracked me up. One of the funniest, like, just like in terms of just making you laugh, one of the, funniest people. Just, like, you know, she's a meme. She's just memes. Yeah, yeah.

It's just memes, right? And I kind of knew her through my... I'm not getting involved. I'm just there to enjoy myself. All that. And I knew her through, like, my miss is showing me memes. And I said to her, the first thing I said to was like, hello, I'm Sean. Oh, my missus is always showing me memes of you and, you know, loving your work.

And she just, she basically didn't even look at me. She just went, ask because I'm the meme queen, hun. She's just like so funny, so cool and would just say the strangest things like proper kind of like div, like in the wrong hands it would be dislikable but it's hers so it's some, she has that magic

of making things likable. Like she lost a trial and she drank water when she wasn't meant to and David Hay had pointed it out and just like, this is a game show and David goes, look, look, she's drinking water and she pointed out. And afterwards she's going,

she's going like, like it's really, Like it's, you know, it's life or death. She's going, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, I'm a woman. I need water. I'm a woman, I need water. Like, that's such a great phrase. I don't even know how you've arrived at that, you know, I need what. Yeah, so she, it was.

How did you end up looking after her so much? You ended up being like her PA almost on it. Yeah, I know, she just, she kind of, she just ended up. I don't know if there was something, we really got along. So she'd be like, I need the toilet. and it just put out her hand. My daughter watched it and was like, your friend, Sean's on,

and she loved you because of that. And you very kindly, like, sent her a little video message a couple of months ago. Because she was, she's mesmerized by the fact that I know you and whatnot. But she was like,

your friend, Sean, is looking after her. Yeah. Because every, it felt like you were having to just sort of, she was like she was an empress and you were her footman or something. But she's got, yeah, she's really cool.

I've really, she's honestly, She's a really, that world that I don't really understand. She was, she's really cool. She's just really, yeah, really funny. She's kind of had an aura that you can, like, yeah, I better, I better serve her. Gemma needs to take, I need, I need water. Sean, I need water. Yes, yes, madam.

I will get me. Yeah, she was cool. She was good, it was good fun. She was seen Sean, like Shannon, could she teach you? Yeah. That sounds like my day-to-day life. Yeah. It's really good.

So you know. Yeah. Yes. Great time? Break. Break. Break. I'm back on the unbranded wearable fitness device.

You're not to say what it is called, though. I'm allowed to. I'm just not going to, because they used to sponsor us and they don't anymore. Oh, no, no way. The Google Fitbit's good, though. Basically, I'm collecting data about my sleep, my heart rate, my step count,

just gathering as much info as I possibly can. To sell to China. China can have it if they want to. Yeah. Who's honest? Why don't they care to what? He was a 10 past 2 in the point. Yeah, absolutely.

I think you need a whoop for your asshole to find out what's going on there. But I've been tested, and apparently my asshole's fine. Oh, yeah, I think so. It's what's coming out of the asshole that isn't. The doctor had done if you test on me, blood, piss, shit. Taste. If he had a little bite, I don't know. I don't know what to get up to.

A bite. But he basically was like, yeah, your bowels are sound, lad. So, you know. Basically, I'm trying to collect data on my physique. to see, you know, what I could achieve if I put my mind to it. I thought you were happy with being... I'm not going to change anything. Who you are.

That was good. Carl, that was 10 days ago. Things changed. People change. You know? What do you think, Adam from 10 days ago is the same person? You're an idiot. I am happy right now.

I just think I might feel a little bit happier if I was shredded. So, like... Oh, you want to get shredded? No, I... That's what the band does. Sean, I'd love to be shredded, right? Yeah. I'd love it.

Yeah. But this is how much I'd love it. This is how much I'm willing. This is as close to shredded as my lifestyle. But like Dan said, people change. Yeah, totally. You weren't shredded? No.

No. No. But then I got a whoop and it was like, lad, get shredded. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Listen to it. Do you know what it is? Do you know what him getting shredded done for me? It actually made my attitude to me fitness worse.

Because I was like, if he can fucking do this, this in like three months. I could probably do it in a week and a half. Yeah. So I'm always, I'm only a week and a half of which, do you know what? I just do that whenever I wanted. I'll just get fit what I want. I'll just do it.

That's great. There was a job and it was like you'll be shredded to what you want to be in three months. But they were like, you have to half your alcohol units. Would you do it? Half. I don't. So they're like, whatever you drink now, we'll take an average. If you stick to half, you'll be, you'll have that.

that you want in 10 months. Yeah. Did you do that? Yeah. It's three months. Yeah. But then you're going to keep it up. Sean, aren't you sober?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. But I was thinking, sorry, I was thinking about the getting shredded. I could cut down, it's like 28 pounds of wheat. But then you're going to maintain

because I'm not like to go past. Would you mean? Oh, 20. Yeah, I didn't mind that back up. Isn't that insane? I went, yeah, that's what we aren't right? 56 average. All right.

Did you get a stool sample? Yeah. So in lockdown, I don't know why lockdowns come up again, but in lockdown, I can't know what was happening. Like, I couldn't, I was constipated for like a week or something. I had the exact opposite problem. Okay. And still does.

Well, they asked for a stool sample, which obviously quite difficult when the problem is, I can't go. But anyway, I eventually managed to go. And you had to, it was lockdown. So I had to bring it to the doctors. and you have to bring it. Hang on.

How long hadn't you poo? So you took a stool sample from the first poo in a week. Yeah, and like almost a week I just wasn't going. So you took it in in a shoe box. It was it? I've got two questions as well.

I've never done a steel sample. One, do you put the thing in the toilet and poo into it or do you retrieve the poo? Okay, so here's the thing. So I was asked for a stool sample and I was like, right, I'll do that. And the doctor went, when you next go to the toilet,

just put some gloves on and reach in and grab the poo out dude where did you meet this doctor under a bridge what are you talking about is that what's wrong with that is that the way to do we and I was like listen mate

you're acting as if there's going to be like a thing that was your second question one of your poo is just like you get one of those nets that you have the goldfish he told me to put top away inside the bowl

and I did that and I did that And what I said to someone was like, I just guarantee you, I know how it comes out. I'm not going to get all of this, you know. So what if I missed the bit that was meant to be tested? Then he was like,

anybody, a poo will do, me. A flash of ass. I've never given one. I got given like a tube and a little spoon, like you get for an ice cream. And it was a little scoop. That's the sco.

Scoop the poop and put it into the tube. So you were chasing it around the toilet bowl with a little, or did you have to get it out and then do the scoop? No, I think I did my, like, in a, like, some tupperware or something. Oh. I didn't skip it out of the bowl. So, you know, because like, they're like,

I'll just get it like a, a sample, a piece of your thing. But like, sometimes, if I've had, like, a carrot, the whole carrot's in it. So what if I just put a... You don't need to test the carrot. You just get on the carrot. Or how long's a piece of shit? No, a whole piece of...

Yeah, I'm not... It's not... It's deep throat in carrots. Like a dirt. to eat rabbit. I imagine they're taking the... I imagine all of it holds all of the information. I don't think it's like,

oh, we need the end bit to get the... You know what I always think as well. Do you know, like, obviously this is more apparent in dogs, but it's the same with humans. If you eat like string and you go for the shit, the string can be in the shit, can't it? Yes.

Do you know what's your body? You know, what's food? What? I mean... I haven't eaten string, Adam. If you met a pebble How'd you fly kite? Your body would try to break it down and go

I can't, that's a pebble And you'll poo it out It wouldn't go that's a pebble No, but I'm saying I can't break that down So off it fucks Yeah So with the string, it's like

There's no nutrition in this I can't break it down So just pooing out I don't think it goes Pebbles that way Carrad scum So this is my question My second question

is sometimes I have a carri and the next day the cat it's nowhere to be seen. So sometimes my body goes, like that's, another time it goes, no, that's a pebble. Big orange pebble. Might be inside the poo, like inside. I always think why isn't sweet corn digestible? That's a mad thing, isn't it?

There's a reason for that. Let's find out. Let's find out why the sweet corn is. I've actually got a children's book that I read to my daughter that answers that, and I can't remember. Oh, I'm gone? No.

I had to do a big pile of shite into the toilet and then scoop a bit of it out, yeah? Into a little tub? String and pebbles everywhere. It looked like a beach where stuff had been washed up. A pooey memory box. There was a Wellington boot.

Yeah. Bucket and a bottle. No, no, so when I, when I, obviously I was quite self-conscious about taking them the poop, right? Oh, I wasn't. I'm just like, this is your fucking job, make it done. See, that's what I thought.

I thought, so I had two voices, you've got two voices in a hair. One's going, I'm self-conscious, got to bring my poop. The other one's going, it's their job. They see it every day. They've asked for it. They've asked for it.

I arrive at the doctors. It was locked down, so the procedure was kind of different. You had to ring the bell. They had to open the door. Just one bit open the door. And the researchers, and I went, like, I've got the stool sample.

What do you should call it? In the doctors. And she was slightly confused. And I got it out and showed her. And basically, you know, this is not what you want to see, but this woman basically went, uh,

at my poop. You're at the right place? She erred my... Successful. The Costa drive-thru. Did she take the poop? I'm Margaret. The doctor's is next door.

But it was a really... It really did not feel good someone erring your poop. It'd be good if you had a poo fetish as a doctor. because I think that's the only job where you can ask the member of the public for their poo and they'll say yes.

Yeah. It would be really good. Cars, getting struck off. Don't be a sore throat dog. Go on that box horse. Let me out look. But, like, no other job can go.

Gives your poo and I'll have a look. I think you'd stand out though, wouldn't you? Go and poo in that box. Yeah, I've got a cold. Go and poop with them. Poop with the butt. Shouldn't you be leaving the room, doctor? No.

NHS cutbacks. Just poo on my chest, the wanking proctologist. But what are you... Right, so is the what you've got a woo-woo? Oh no, I'm not saying the... It doesn't matter. I've got a good...

He's got a fifth bit. I've got the new Google Fitbit. I've got a cocktail. I'm a man. I haven't got a woo-woo. But by the way, just so you know, I did that still sample, and the results came back

and he went, you fine. Good, if anything. Like, it's the bell to ask. Wow. Probably cut down on whole carrots going out with air balls. Just chew. But the, so what are you,

what's the purpose? I don't understand. You don't need that watch to tell you to how to get shredded. You just get shredded. Sean, you want me to read my thing? So every day, every couple of hours, man gives me a little,

this has got AI built in, which agree with it or not. Oh, it's not about a great. No, because I'm like, yeah, I woke up this morning. What? We need to. Are we not just done?

about AI. Well, no, but are we all not just done with every news story is that everything's, we live in a world where everything is about something as opposed to it, it's it. It's about it. So every news story is about, about AI. Where's the AI? Yeah. But what, it's not actually, what the, you're, what, would you mean it's there?

What is it doing? Let me tell you then. What's it? That's just Googling something. It isn't. Why is that not just Googling something? Let me speak. Well, then please.

So it bases my bodies, whatever, that day and what I've done. And so it said, this morning, you fell asleep fast, but your body stayed in a high gear for hours. Even though you're out, it took me a minute to fall asleep, which is mad. It took only two hours to get into deep sleep. That's because of the, you're probably still buzzing from the gym session. And it goes, here's some tips. So all the AI is, is it's like giving you some information, but said it a bit more like how a person would say. And it goes, what?

What? What? You get it. So it goes like tomorrow, ease into the day. There's light rain and Liverpool 2, so don't rush into anything outside, intense. Physical rest, the PT session, your heart spiked. And it basically gives you tips on how to...

Hang on. It says, you didn't get into deep sleep very quickly, so don't go running in the rain tomorrow. Because we know rain on your face will get you all hyped up. You know what you're like. All it's doing is work, the AI, so far, is giving you data,

data, which say that, before AI you would get data, Google the internet, it's just giving you data, but then it's worded it a bit like, essentially. Someone goes, make sure like, you know, Samari, take it easy, brov. Essentially, yeah. Right, what's what?

What's it doing? What's it doing? We're just living in a world where everyone's talking about. It's, no one's it. What was that with the information? So if my body goes, air, your temperature and blah, blah, there's time, and I go, okay, I don't understand that because I don't know how to read that information.

It goes, I'm going to read it for you in and go, Here there's an understandable version of that information. What's wrong with that? No, there's nothing wrong with that. But aren't you just sick of that every time I open my phone, it's the news, it's the conversation about AI. I don't really listen to the radio, but if it's on, there's a conversation about AI.

What is anyone? AI is so big. What are you talking about? So someone's talking about AI, they're talking about job cuts. Someone else is talking about AI. It's what I would look like if I was a smurf. What are we talking about?

Which is too big? I asked it the other day whether it could recommend a pair of shoes. Could it? Yeah? That's too well. To be fair,

I've just asked it who is Sean Walsh and it's given me a fact that I didn't know about you. I don't know if it's true. Were you only born Sean with one N? Yeah. I'll stay the one for Sean.

Did you don't know this? No. Oh, is it because of someone at your name registered? No. Oh. Go on. When I was 15, my favourite film at the time was American Pie.

American Pie, my favorite character was Stifler. Stifler was played by Sean William Scott. That Sean William Scott has two ends. So I put on another end. So your name after Sean William Scott? Kind of. Self-nown. So legally is your name with two ends?

No. Oh, so. Oh, well, AI's not a good job. You just made, I think you just made Sean hate AI a little bit more. My missus spells, her name's Alex and she spells it with two X's because she's fucking stupid. So it's not on her passport? No.

But why should you do that? Their name on her passport is Alexandra. Okay. She does it with two Xs because she wants to be cool and hip. That's kind of like, it's sexy, isn't it? It is better. It is better than one.

Another one would be like, wow. Also, it's like a female, because Alex is also a boy's name. So two X's is deaf our girl on people. I'm going to put. Well, that's sort of how we met, isn't it? because I thought you had a boy's name. Oh, really?

She DM me on Instagram. I don't know whether she'd want me to sell us on the pod, but it's funny. She DM me on Instagram and was like, I'm coming to your quiz. It was when we were running quizzes. I looked at a picture of the day, and when we're celebrating, she's stood next to us.

She's pointing at you going, I'll have him. She's like, I'm coming to your quiz on Monday in Liverpool, and then I'm coming to your show in Sheffield on Tuesday, which is actually where to live. Me makes her coming over for the quiz and going back. I'm getting the train back she fancy getting a drink on the train and I remember reading that message

and seeing Alex and being like this fucking loser once over pint with me on the train what a gimp and then I clicked the profile and it was a woman and I was like yeah, I don't know how it sounds and the two exes maybe

was something you always there's something about an emoji being in a woman's Instagram a winky one is something and fit me or not a winky I'm Bruce fourth friend any emoji

in a hand or a bit something. Sexy? It's not sexy, but it... What if it's the aubergine? It doesn't mean nothing, does it? I'd say what's the worst? The worst is when sometimes you write an emoji, but it doesn't change into the emoji.

And you just text the word. My listeners would be like, what are you up to, what do you want to get up to this evening? And I've just texted the word, Obogene. Oh, so... What I'll do is, I'll type OBJene. I'll do a space.

I'll click OBJene, and it'll say obejean and then have the obeisance after the job. Yeah, that's not sexy. It's not sexy. Yeah, it's not sexy. Obigeet. No one's got an obejean in their handle on it, surely.

Isn't pineapple swinging as well? No, no. Is pineapple swinger? Upside down pineapple. Butterfly is a bit. If anyone has a pineapple on their doorstep, it means that they're open for you knocking on and having a little notch off.

What would it be? What about, can you knock on the window or no? No, it's a grass. Whatever the pineapple is, you can knock on. that. Pineapple is like, knock on. Ask AI if that's real.

What? Ask AI if that's right. No, on cruises. On cruises, it's a well-known thing. They put a little pineapple sticker on the door.

Well, like on the boat? Yeah? Come in and bomb me? Yeah, to be like, we're open to making friends. Because we're on a boat? Because on holiday. We're on holiday.

We're on holiday. Pinaple is swingers. You're doing a cruise. It was in the chat the other day. It was in the patron chat the other day. You're doing a comedy. Cruz. Get that pineapple stick.

Things are going well, guys. How is that? What? It was in the Patreon chat the other day. Yeah, there's some sort of comedy gala. It's not just me on my own. I wouldn't do that. What cruise? Where are you going?

I don't know. Are you asking me what I'm doing in the future? I'm going to have no idea. He doesn't know where he's staying tonight. Yeah, I literally don't know one's staying tonight. You're asking me where Cruz is going. I don't know. I don't have no idea.

They're doing a comedy festival on a cruise ship, basically. Yeah, right. That's what it is. Yeah. Are you into cruisers? That's all like, I've never been on a, no, no. Are you into cruises? I think I will be, but I eat the sea.

I mean? Doesn't sound like they're there for you then. Feels like a deal breaker. Do you like holidays at all? I don't, no, wow. You like, I've said this to you before. This is about, I like, you like being on holiday. you don't like going on holiday.

You can't be on holiday without going on holiday. And basically apply that to everything. Would you choose? If Britain was hot, if Britain was... Now we're talking. If Britain was 25 degrees every day. Celsius. Would you ever leave voluntarily?

That's a good question, isn't it? Yeah, but you'd still have to get to where you were holiday in. Yeah. And there'd be more people trying to get to those spots because... holiday in the garden. No, but that's not a holiday. That's a day off. It is if you go down on the back end.

All right. Well, the holiday. Where's your favourite holiday? Like, what's your favourite destinations to go? Dalia. Oh, very many. Italy. What's here?

It's, come on, Italy. Everything, the O's, all the O's. All the O, no, no, no, no. Italian's, Italian. Italian's just... But where'd you like to go? Learn the language. Ori, oh, no.

Areos? Areos? Yeah. Where in Italy though? They're always going on about the ocean, aren't they? Where's your go? See, see. What?

Hello? I got it absolutely deserved. I'm not. Italy, anywhere. Anywhere. Do you mean anywhere? What do we get anywhere in Italy? It's better than anywhere else.

Yeah, but what do you like to frequent? We're going right with next time Rome. Nice. Big thing, isn't it? The police, I didn't know that this was a stereo. that the police there look like like strippers, like male

strippers. A beautiful drive Lamborghinis. I couldn't believe it. They're absolutely incredible. They don't look real. They look like they're going to a hendoo to strip for a hendoo, but they're actually going to arrest someone. Possibly a hendez. There's two police in Italy. There's like the normal police and there's the carabini

there's like... Carabiniari. Is that it? Yeah, and they all have machine. They're fit and they've got machine guns. Right. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. no idea. But I, yeah, so holiday, yeah, I mean, I'd rather, everyone has that thing when you're on holiday where when you've got to get an early flight.

It doesn't matter how nice the holiday is when the alarm goes off, you think, we could just not go. Honestly, every time. Every time. Every single time that alarm goes off, you go, what, why have I done this to myself? I chose to do this to me. I think that about most.

We're done, we've made the collective decision, though. We've, we're never, doing that early flight if we can avoid it. Fly at two in the afternoon so you have to be at the airport of midday so you have to get up at fucking nine. It's so much better. I, what did I have to do?

I'd agreed to do something the other day and I was so broken and I had to do it and I was just like, you know, just why have I done this? I agreed to do this. Why don't I know me? I'm me. I'm forced.

I've been around for so long. I should have known that I would not want to do this. But we kind of split ourselves up into now and future me and think that by then I will, it's okay, I'll be a different person by Wednesday. No, it's just me. So, and my friends, it's all all seriousness, my friends, I'm not putting this on.

My friends will try and organise things with me. And I'll go like, you know, because you get older, you've got kids and stuff and they're like, how's June the 24th? I'm like, listen, you want to. to meet me, call me, hopefully I'm free, and then we'll meet. I'm not putting this in the diary. I'm not doing it anymore. If I don't see you that ever again, fine. I don't care. Because how the hell do I know that on June the 24th, I'm going to want to see you? I've got no

idea. Why would I put that in the diary? I'll let you know on June the 24th. Let's see what happens. June is one of four. If you're still free on June the 24th, call me, hopefully I'm free, hopefully I'm up for it with me. Unless we're doing it like that, I'm not, no, I'm not doing it anymore. It's ridiculous.

Do you not agree with me? Yeah. When have you ever, again, in all seriousness, when was actually the last time that something happened in your life, then when it got to you having to do it, you thought, fantastic. I can't wait, I'm really excited.

It's not happened. That's what, you know, being a childhood is for. childhood is for, yay, can't wait. If you get to an adult, there is no can't wait. There is can wait. Can definitely wait. Would happily wait. Hope this doesn't happen.

Sick of it. Can wait. Can wait. Do you want to my... I can wait. Do you know what my favourite days of holiday is the first day back at home? I really love that day. I like that.

Oh, I need a holiday for after the holiday. I love getting home and I've not seen me stuff for ages And I'm like, oh yeah And the house smells a little bit weird It's really comfortable I love it I love gone on holiday But the first day back at home I fucking love

Yeah, because you like your life That's a great sign, isn't it? That is very nice Because what it'll happen is as well Me and Saddick can love each other's company But you also like being on her own The first day back off holiday We won't even look at each other

She'll go into one room and read Or watch fucking the news or something whatever they do and I'll do my thing I'll play games I'll be a fucking slob and then we'll go to bed we won't see each other all that day

that's like lovely when you're with a friend and they say I've just got to go to the toilet and you think thank God it's just me and the phone no guilt no guilt

it's gonna look at my phone now hopefully they're having a number two or you're on a city break with a mate or whatever and they go let me go back to the room for two hours and chill yeah me too

I'm gonna go sit and sit and not talk. I love you. I'm going to sit and be on and not talked, yeah. That needs to be normalized so much. I'm trying to sit on the call and do that. We're going to have this little time together, three hours of wandering around the city,

get some food, and then we're going to have two hours where it's not even booked in for an hour. It's just like, fuck off for a bit. Oh, phenomenal. Well, if I told you about that what happens is you reach a certain stage in your life, it could be with kids.

I don't know if it's just kids. It might not be kids. Adam, you can tell me. But basically what happens is at some point you stop meeting. up and you start catching up. And meet up and catch up is different. I don't meet up with anyone. Young people meet up with their friends. You meet up with your friends. Literally, this could be the single greatest night of your life. This is the possibility when you meet up. Possibilities

are endless. You've gone to have the greatest night of your life. One of those incredible nights where like you suddenly decide to text a friend. Actually, yeah, should we go into another place? You text a friend. They say, I'm not sure. I'll see if I can make it. You go to another place, you go to another place, you end up at 4 a.m. You're off your face. The friend that you text

that said they might not be able to make it, suddenly they turn up out of nowhere. Just like, oh, yeah. Like, it's just the possibility you fall in love in a queue. You know what I mean? It's just amazing. You wake up.

That's being young though. Right, yeah, but being young is when you meet up. Everyone's meeting up. They're coming, they're meeting up. We're meeting up, we're meeting up, and then we're all meet up. Everyone's meeting up. You wake up the next.

You're young, but you're hanging out of your ass. Everyone hangs out. Everyone goes about you're young and not hung over. You're always hungover. The hungovers get worse, but you're hungover. You wake up, you go, oh, God, I'm never doing that again. I'm never doing that again. You're even saying that you're 23, 24, you're never doing that again. You do that. You get a text. Someone said, do you want to meet up, you meet up, you do it again. You're instantly. Then, no more meeting up. You catch up.

You catch up with a friend. You see them. You catch up. You talk about what you used to do when you would meet up. right? You have a lovely time. At the end, you say, we should do this more often. You never do it. I've got it.

Do you know the adage? Like, it's sort of like a, I suppose maybe a hach comedy adage maybe. But I will like it. That like men will meet up with their friends or catch up with their friends. And then they'll come back to their misses and they'll be like,

how's Sean? And I'm going to fucking clip. I love that. I don't know. I didn't ask him about that. I loved this. We watched the match. We sat in silence, whatever.

Great. I've got a theory about why that comes around there. I think men don't know a lot about their mates, because we only need one piece of information on you, which is that we've got one thing. So me and you both love stand up. Yes. That's all we need.

Yeah, yeah. I don't need to know your opinions on anything. Because any of your future opinions could put me off you. So just keep them to yourself. And I'll keep mine to me. We don't need, you're not a danger to me, I'm not a danger to you, it just doesn't fucking matter. It just made me laugh.

I just want to know this bit of you. Yeah, yeah. Like comedy, yeah? Should we just have that? Should that be our thing? That's it. Don't tell me anything else. Why the fuck would I need to know what you think about anything else?

Yeah. Whereas because women are more in danger in society, they're constantly having to check like, am I in danger? Am I in danger with both their friends, their partner with everyone they meet? So they're constantly garnering information to make sure they're all right. Whereas men are just like, do you know what? I've lost friends in the past because they had opinions, didn't like. Do you like Futty?

Shut up. That's it. Put the match on. Don't say anything else. You link it up one thing and you go, that's our thing. And that's it. We don't need anything else. I don't need to know how your wife is.

I don't need to know how our name. I don't need to know how work's going, how your mum is, whether your dad's fucking like doing your editing. I don't need any of that shit. It's just footy, yeah. Football, he's good to kick in he? Yeah. That's it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I also think that men, I think men are more, and correct me if you, and this is, I'm just jamming of the top of my head. Men are, if you don't give us the things,

watch this man kick the lever circle in the net, I think men are much more inclined to, just to actually be depressed and think about mortality and death. And I think men are kind of automatically these kind of depressed species. And then you give them games essentially. Or a task. Or a task, which is a kind of game. And you go, don't worry about death for the second, for this second.

Hang that painting up. Whatever it is. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we do life to the stuff. Don't think about your own mortality. Mow the lawn for the third time this week. You're going to end up dead and in the ground, but that lawn needs, yeah.

I told someone on this pod recently, I don't know whether it was a guest host or whether I said it to use or whatever, but I've seen a video of a guy given, like a lecture on the male mind and stuff. And he did it in a sort of joky way. But he was talking about golf. And he's like, you know how, like, in a male-female relationship,

the woman will often come home and be like, I've got this problem and it's driving me mad. And the man's instinct is, here's how you would solve that. And then they're like, I just want you to know I've got a problem and fucking let me have a problem. I don't want you to solve it.

I want you to listen to me. That's why men love golf because it is four hours of unique problems that they've never had before and they'll never have again. How do I hit this shot based on this wind, this rain, this distance, what club with how I'm feeling today?

That ball will never be in, that blade of grass with these weather conditions for that man ever again. So even if they play the same course from every day until the day they die, they will always have 70 to 100 new problems every time they play. And it's just given a man, don't think about death. Think about how you're going to get that ball in that hole in the fewer shots possible. That's it.

And then... Do you sleep? They have a heart attack and die. Do you sleep in silence? Do you sleep in silence? Do you go to sleep? Like, do you just, do you like put an eye on? Oh!

I don't mean like, you know, like, you know, like, does the fucking crow, crow? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought it's a really weird way of asking me, do I snore? No, I mean, like, do you sleep? Like, do you sleep in silence? What, no, I snort?

No, you mean, do I go to sleep in silence? Do you, like, the, you know? Do I go to sleep in silence? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Do you? Yeah.

Yeah. No. Fuck, fuck, no. Yeah, of course, because you're one. Yeah. That's insane. Absolutely not. No fucking way.

What were, like, what we, I thought this, I want to text you about this. Did cavemen do it? Or were cavemen like us? Were cavemen, like, lying there, you know, not being able to sleep

because they're going, oh, God, like, I've so fucked up my life. I'm just out there picking up raspberries. I should have been building Stonehenge. I'm an absolute loser. And then they can't get to sleep. sleep and they look up and they're like, oh, Jesus Christ, look at the sundial. Oh,

they've only got two hours to sleep. Do you know what I mean? Like, were they, is the anxious, is the anxiety? I imagine the anxiety was, is it within us or is society given us the anxiety? No, I imagine it to come from them sleeping in caves and being anxious about being killed by brothers. No, because I'm not worried about someone breaking in and killing me. I'm worried that less I haven't opened. No, but I think it's all from the same. The less than I haven't opened. The less than Yeah, but the saber tooth was their letter. Yeah. You can't ignore the saber tooth

and hope it goes away. My anxiety makes me open the letter faster than it comes to the letter box. It's the opposite of you. Your postman must hate you. If I've got a letter with my name on, in that, it's like Schrodinger's letter, in that letter it says,

you're going to die someone or we're going to blow your head off and also you've got a speed and fit the speeding ticket. I have to open it to go, okay. The DVLA, really, outstretching their remit, aren't they? I think the worst. I'm like, that is, and then I open it and go, oh, it's the bank going,

do you want paper things anymore? I'm like, will you give me one? If I leave the letter, that letter is way worse than what it would be. That's good. You're being good. You're just being a human. That's anxiety being used. Isn't that just being used the opposite way?

I'm anxious about what it could be. No, but you're doing the sensible thing. You're using normal anxiety to go, I'm going to deal with that. I want to know it immediately. I want the bad news now. The anxiety is, placated by the fact that you've opened it.

His will remain because he hasn't. Opened it. So how would you explain me what? Like, if you, if you, you'd text me and went, you'd speak to you later. I would call you the... Oh, fuck those people. That would kill, I want to know now.

If it's something bad, tell me right now. Yeah, yeah. By the way, if you text me that, I'd bring you. I'd be like, what's going on? That's not the same thing. It's a false equivalence. But isn't that you just pushing the thing down, Isn't it the same?

Also, do you know what really annoys me? The text. Like, the text, are you, are you free for a call? Now, I don't know. Give me a call. Find out. Why is there a message before, you've got to text me before you call me.

Because then it's maybe not be a suitable time. I won't answer. You don't answer then. Don't worry about it. You do every time. Dan doesn't answer the phone anyway. I do now because they've bullied me. Dan has his phone on silence,

and that's not vibrate. It's, you have to be looking at it. You're both feeling absolutely. 100%. But I can sleep in total silence. You must be in some real peace. Dude, that's amazing. I don't feel like I'm at any sort of peace.

Did I have this? All sorts of wilds. He does his Indian cricket dreams, isn't they? Oh, so you take all about shit? I'm playing for Arsenal in 96, 97 at the moment. Oh, so you are hiding the bad stuff away. You just hide to be on the imagination. I just have a, you know, Avantasia, I've got the opposite.

I can go, I can fully play out weird sporting films. Sexual encounters. Oh, it's phenomenal. As soon as I start thinking about real life, I start going the other way, but I'm able to just go into a dreamy made up.

It's almost like preemptive dreaming, where you create a little dream. It's lucid, yeah, that's lucid, dreaming. No, but I never start,

I never then dream about it. You're nearly there. Well, it never happens. I then go on the weird, wacky mystery tour that is my subconscious. But as I'm going to sleep, but like we are starting something, aren't we? That we can't talk about yet.

But there's plans of foot that are big. They're pretty seismic. And I thought about that last night and couldn't get to sleep for about 45 minutes. Yeah, baby. So if life, real life, also I've had some other stuff going on this week. I'm right with that.

That was like, that's all done. But I, I can't wait for you to know what he's just right. Just tell Sean and then move on. Oh yeah, my dad died on Monday. Oh man. I'm sorry. Time for a break.

Yeah, but that's fine. That hasn't. But what we're doing, that revs me up a lot. But if I'm left to my own devices, I need silence. And then I can just play distracting, made up bullshit in my head.

And it's like a form of, well, It's like a meditation. Yeah, it's like a meditation. You're still distracting yourself. You're just creating it. I did sort of mad last week at that I thought maybe,

I actually want to get some ADHD medication. See if it, like, the stuff you have where it like focuses you. I just want to see. Great afternoon. Right. But what I did. What are you on that?

I tried it. Okay. Oh, so good. I was going... A calming of the noise. So you're now on it? No. Because I can't get any.

Anyone got any Lvance. I don't think that'd should be given this. Leave it. No. I would like some. Because last week, I was going to sleep

and there was three pieces of admin that I knew I was about a week or six months overdue with and really needed to get it done.

So what I did to go to sleep was imagine doing them. Do you wake up thinking you've done them? That is next level procrastination.

And then I did fall asleep. That's fantastic. Well done, Adam. You've done, Adam. That's lucid dreaming, as he said. Is that what it is? Is lucid dreaming?

Just controlling your dream. You close, yeah, but I can't control my dream. But your dreams feel real. It's not, it's not just your imagination. Your imagination doesn't feel real. It's like you go into dream and you get to actually experience it. It's that, but you're just,

I reckon with a little bit of lucid dream and training, you'd be able to do that. Because I pick up the narrative from where I remember being, oh, that's insane. before I go for months in the same sort of little. That's amazing. I was an Indian cricket player for a while.

It's great. It's very peaceful. Sean, you're on tour. I am on tour. No, I was really, I was really enjoying that. I was really enjoying this chat about, about, what was it,

sleep, it was about, what was what we're talking about? We did absolutely zero prep. Sorry, prep. You're going to enjoy our news as well. I'm going to enjoy your news. You're going to enjoy the news. And I'm sorry about your bad news.

Yeah, no, okay. fine, I'm all right. We dealt with it on the Patreon and if you're a public listening, you don't deserve it. Yes. No, but I'm absolutely fine. I'm all good.

Thank you for your. Good. Monetised. Yeah, I'm monetized. Yeah, yeah. Monetised grief. What do you think I'm going to lose a parent? I'm still annoyed with my mum for dying

before we started a patron. I know. Yeah. Looking forward to the Edinburgh show. Can't wait. Yeah, yeah. No, I'm on tour. Please come.

Shormosh.com. Showmoch.com. Please come and see this is torture. and I'm, where am I? Yeah, and there are loads of tickets, there's loads of dates and, and you can meet them after the show if you buy a cap.

That's good, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shaw with two ends. Shorewood two ends, Walsh.com. There's, yeah, and there's no... It's a big old tour. It's a big old tour. There's no, there's no merch.

Some of those rooms are, I can be honest, would they have a word family. Some of those rooms are too big. So, please come. Adam row.com at UK for my ticket, Dannightenegale.com. Yeah, Dan Nightingale.com for my Dan and Friends.

It starts in August. Belfast and Dublin, middle of August, is going to be a great weekend. I'm down to Brighton, London. I'm going all over, but the dates that I really want to sell well are Birmingham Leeds and Cardiff at the end of November.

They need a little push. Great acts with me. Ishan's doing a lot of them. Rob Moore Holland's doing a lot. Dan Nightingale and Friends, Dan Nightingale. And that's it. We're not doing music anymore

because we keep getting copyrighted and we've now put videos on other platforms. So no more music. Don't send any in. So we're just going to sing Cheran. Girand, Geran. Girls on film.

Girls on film. Girls on film. Sean, we love you and everyone loves you. I love you. See you everyone. Love you. Bad Fletje.