Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #393 with Harry Stachini - Have A Word w/Adam, Dan & Carl

Episode Date: August 8, 2026

Tickets, merch and loads more available on our website! https://haveawordpod.comTickets for Have A Word Live shows as well as Adam and Dan's tours and previews:Adam's Tickets: https://www.adamrowe.co.ukDan's Tickets: https://dannightingale.comCarl's Stream || https://twitch.tv/senseicarl_Finn's Music & Tickets: https://finnlayk.co.ukFinnlay K - Whole Again: https://FinnlayK.lnk.to/WHOLEAGAINLIVEAs Adam and Dan said, don't miss out on all of our extra content, we've got one of the best value Patreons in the game. An extra 90+ minute episode every week plus loads of bonus content such as the now infamous Lockdown Lock-ins, the Nashville & Amsterdam specials and our Ghost Hunts! What are you waiting for? Sign up now at https://patreon.com/haveawordpod​Get subscribed to Have A Word Highlights: https://youtube.com/haveawordhighlightsListen to Finn's new EP: https://finnlayk.lnk.to/AllInYourMindThanks to this week's sponsors:NordVPN | https://nordvpn.com/haveawordEXCLUSIVE NordVPN Deal ➼ https://nordvpn.com/haveaword Try it risk-free now with a 30-day money-back guaranteeLovehoney | https://lovehoney.co/word_podcastLove how you love and take 20% off sitewide to unlock sexual happiness and discover a happier you with promo code: AFF-WORD20Saily | https://saily.com/haveawordDownload SAILY in your app store and use our code HAVEAWORD at checkout to get an exclusive 15% off your first purchase or go to https://saily.com/haveaword 🌍ADAM ROWE and DAN NIGHTINGALE are two award winning comedians from Liverpool & Preston, respectively. They are two of the UK's most highly regarded stand-ups and have both performed all over the world. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello everyone, Dan and Harry. And me. Before we start this excellent episode of the Have a Word podcast, I've got to tell you about our Patreon. If you've never signed up for Patreon, if you just listen or watch the public episodes, you'll have gone, oh, I've heard dozens of these, hundreds of these.

I'm never going to sign up. But you should. You really should because we've got one of the biggest patrons of the world for a reason. We put out an extra episode of me, Harry, Adam, never been done in that order. I like it all. And it's naughty.

as well. Little naughty secret episodes just for us. So you get a whole other episode. But then the thing that really is cut above is the specials. Once a month, we knock out a Patreon special. Once a month, absolute top quality made as well. We've been all around the world.

And we've got the D&D series that's coming up soon. You'll get a month early access to that, which is separate from the quality stuff that we already put on it. What are you doing? Sign up now for as little as £3 a month. You get the back catalogue of everything we've ever done.

So if you just discovered, have a word. you get to go back and watch everything in sequence, and there is tons. Also, I'm on tour, Dan Nightingale.com. Come and see Dan Nightingale and friends all around the country. That is the last big tour I'm doing for a while. We've got big plans for 2027. Also, add them the same.

Go and see one of the best live comics in the game. I'm made around doing me, did we do tour of North Yorkshire? Yeah? Can I support? I mean, you know, I'm sure I'll help, you know, growing comics and that. All right, nice. Patreon.com slash have it with five. Enjoy the episode.

It's going to be a belter. Wagwaglids, you're listening to the funniest podcast in the game. From the heart of Liverpool with Adam, Dan, Sensei Carl and Finn. This is the one and only. Have a word. This episode is brought to you by NordVPN. The very best in protecting your online activity. Go, Ed, get on me.

Got you back. How are we? We've lost our. You know, our Japanese boy. Nice to be back. It's going to be a bit of an odds and sods, isn't it, for the next four or five weeks? Carl's away. And when Carl goes away, which, to be fair, isn't very often, he really fucking goes away, don't it?

Yeah, he goes like the other side of the planet. You cannot question Carl's commitment to this podcast. He hates missing episodes. But when he does miss an episode, he misses like seven. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. He really commits the time off. And he texts immediately after the episode going,

how was it? Because he cares. Yeah, but I had a little bit of back and forth with Harry and you about that, didn't I? So, sounds like Freddie and Hattie.

You know, I think that's what it is. It's his fucking wife. She is always like, oh, let's go as far as we possibly fucking can. Mip, mit,

me, that's what it is. I mean, it seems like he does what she wants all the time. He's a little bitch, isn't he? I love him, though.

Very nice to be back. I drove to work this. morning so fucking, oh, it's great. That's what holidays meant to do, isn't it? You mean, many, like, you see, like, you had an actual, like, I seen your little post going,

you know what, I haven't posted any pictures. I just haven't felt like it. And then, like, do know what I wanted to do? I really wanted to push Dan, Dan Nightingale and friends. And I realize if you just go, I'm in Dublin and Belfast on the 15th and 16th, like, it sort of gets lost. But if you go, hey, I've been doing this.

And also, I'm only buy tickets for that. So I just did a bit of posting. But usually I throw stories up. What I do with Instagram is, I wait so I'm doing something of interest that isn't just the gym or being at home because that's a bit repetitive. So I just wait until I'm doing something of interest.

And then I got on holiday, I was like, I don't feel like it today. And that lasted for nine days. I was just like, this is fine. We're just, it was the best holiday. And then you literally like carpet bombed it. Here's me kids. Here's my wife.

Wife and kids. me and wife, me and kids, me and kids and wife. Selfie. Oh, also Dublin, Belfast. Yeah, that's the rhythm. Also, Etta now. She's like so aware of this and she's dying for a phone and she's not getting one yet anyway.

So she's like, okay, Dad, I think you should take a picture because me and Etta, like, if Jack was tired and he, like, he's swimming for about six hours a day and then he'd hit a wall and Laura would be like, you just take Etter out. So me and Etta went on a couple of little date nights on the holiday where we just went and sort of got food or went down to like the beach and got an ice cream together. And then she does this thing where she's like,

oh my God, dad, this would be a really good picture. And then she turns around and she goes, take a picture. And then she goes, okay. And then faces the other way and goes, take one for Instagram. She knows that her face isn't on Instagram anymore. As she specified, she wants an iPhone or like a Samsung because she could just buy her a house phone

and say that's what you'd ask for. No, she said, Dad, I really want to be like you and have an android. I dream of Androids. I'm already a contrarian, dad. Why does everyone think Apple's so good? I'm like, yeah, you're my daughter. I love you so much. So proud.

Great holiday. I tell you what, the rhythm of 12 days. I fucking love 12 days. 12 days, great. About two or three days too long for Laura. But if she tries to make me have a week long holiday, I'll divorce her on the fucking spot. That is a dick. Like, she can go home if she wants and I'll spend the rest of the, that is beautiful.

11, 12 days. I could probably go to two weeks, but then I'd miss four episodes and I'm not caught. A couple of questions. A couple of questions. One, where were the poo emojis? Yeah. That's a question on everyone's lips.

No. Zero. Bumming. Poo, really. I mean, there's no bumming really, anyway. Is that what the poo emoji was? Just for people cheering for the first time.

I think poo was bumming and then we said something else. It was red car was shagging laura, and blue car was shagging your mother-in-law. and then poo was bumming. Oh, wow, completely blocked out the blue car. Maybe I came up with that. I'll say this about my mother-in-law. Not only would she not have sex with me,

but she didn't really facilitate me having sex with her daughter. So, I don't know what that's about. She's a frigid, frigid woman. What I kept saying to her. It really made some of the breakfast so awkward. I was like, dude, can we have a chat? I'm trying to get my dick away, man. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah, finish your musely, and then fuck off with the kids for a bit. Yes, Laura's suffering with the men. mental load and she's a bit tired all the time. I want to give her a mental load. I want to, in a, yeah, nice. Do you mean come? Yeah, yeah, yeah. A mental load. I don't think when a lot of moms of young children say,

the mental load is getting me down. They're talking about too much cum. Honestly, I love being a mum, but there's so much come. The mental load. Oh. So my mother-in-law was, you know, fine. I think she works too hard she seems tired mate

she was like like she's chill she was fine she's not retired no she's not she's still working so she's a coder

for she does I don't know I don't know I'm just trying to come in a door your mother-in-law is a computer coder yeah she missed the rope what that feels wild

that you know that's a job for like young men she's an old woman Jesus. Now we're straightened into the bit. Now we're straightened into the bit where she'll find out about this. She's pretty switched on.

She got an iPhone? Yeah. I can switch it off again. Because she's smart. She's, yeah. She's, hang on, what's the story? You've got to concentrate on these things, haven't you? When she had Laura when she was 19

and she had Tom, Laura's brother when she was 21, and I think she was doing any old job. and then re- she was working at the post office or something and then retrained in coding. So this must have been what, like the 90s?

I think she got in early. She earns pretty fucking well. She's minted. Not minted, minted, but she earns good money. She can buy trainees without thinking about it. That's what she gets. She's fucking webs everywhere. Fucking help you.

323 kilogram suitcases. Two for webs, lad. I'm a cold. What? Are she like hats into the mainframe, man? Why don't you put a pair on and fuck off to the beach with the kids? No, they're for display. They're still wrapped.

Great holiday. Went to the gym every morning. Same gym that I went to when I went to Albaferra with the boys, when I went to the gym with Freddie and Elliot and Kai, went and got a two-week membership, went every morning for at least an hour. Hang on. The same one? Or same brand?

So we were the, we were the east side of Albufaira with the lads. And I went, oh, I need a nice, east side. And I was like, I need a nice gym. Very handily, there's unique fitness Albaferra, which was a four-minute walk from my hotel next to a massive supermarket. So on the second night of the boys' trip, they were like, oh, we're going to Alas Diagra. I was like, I thought Alas Diagua was like 40 minutes away. No, it's just like 10 minutes.

So from the villa to that side of Albaferra every morning in the rental car, which wasn't electric. They gave me a petrol, sweet. It was a 10 minute drive. I did that at 8 o'clock every morning. Laura's not asked. She's just sitting around. Her mother was there most of the time.

And then she'd give me a little shopping list. And I'd do a little... I'd come back with goods class. And then spend the rest of the day round the pool. I never had less than two apparel sprit. I never had more than three. Pretty consistent alcoholism. And never had more than one tub of hard of bars.

You can't be an alcoholic if you'd only have three babies a day. No, exactly. Oh, I thought you meant two. a time. Like you'd finish one and then you'd refill the next one. It's not that kind of holiday really, is it? Dad swim with me. I'm doing D&D in my mind. We've always had Hark and us. I've filled out a little bit. I feel a little bit thicker than a Snickers, but it was superb. Went to the beach on the Saturday. I don't know what's happened to me, but you have converted me. What a bag of shite. Fucking shite. What the pool's better?

Shite. Beaches be tripping? I cannot believe. Very good, Harry. The swing that's happened to me. The villa, being in just private pool, there was just fields to the right. No one was in the other, we had no neighbours, basically. So the kids were being loud, who cares? Great. And then you could go, oh, I need a snack, need a drink.

No one's bothering you. Oh, we went to the beach for maybe two and a half hours. Beaches are probably the most overrated thing on the planet, I think. Not into it. Really not into it. Catch up. What else happened? And either or, you know.

Trade or Braille. Don't know. Beech it. Can I say thank you to everyone? And the nearly 7,000 people have followed my wife on Instagram. You really, really went for that. I know.

I've never seen you push any of your own work as much as that in my life. Two people mess with me like, lad, can you do that for my Instagram? You're like, no, that's not funny, is it? It's funny that my wife, who doesn't really want followers, now has a pretty good amount of followers. But you were posting,

thirst traps on your story. She's got a nice bum. You can stick it on the internet, can you? Yeah, but it was like you were teasing something new that was coming on her profile. Maybe. It's going to be an only friend. I doubt to it. And it's not going to be a feat. But it's great. It was really good. So thank you, everyone. And honestly, it's such a

low-impact follow because she'll post nothing. It will affect your... Why has she gone public? I still don't know. Like Steve Madden's shoes in the one. Why has she gone public? I've no idea. I've no idea, but I appreciate all of the lids who just put Damn Girl on that first post and didn't put it on the picture of a dad after he died.

That was really... I checked that. Really well judged. Thank you, everyone. So I went through a thing and I was like, I hope they haven't done it on like that picture. When I first, when me and Alex got like serious, she had like her public profile and she had a couple of thousand followers, maybe like five or six thousand. and was following quite a few as well. And once we sort of were a couple,

she went through and removed thousands. She spent all night just doing it, unfollowed loads of people and then locked their profile. Yeah. Like, she had five, six thousand followers. She's an attractive woman. That's what happens.

She's a girl with a pair of bastards who's in Spain. They are getting very serious, though. She's a wonderful woman. Simple. I was just brilliant. And I was at the gym when I forgot what was coming as well. It's the 6am, like it goes public, the episode.

So I'm at the gym where she gets 700 followers out of nowhere and then damn girl, damn girl, damn girl. Oh, it was brilliant. She nearly deleted Instagram. It was wonderful. I had to talk it down from that and then say, this is just a good thing. I don't know why it's a good thing,

but I find it massively entertaining. Also, because I have family members and friends who would absolutely murder for 7,000 followers, it's so much funnier that Laura couldn't give a shit. Jack and she'll start doing brand deals? Honestly, let's not hold our breath till she posts on Instagram ever again

because I think it could be a year away. It's such an easy follow because she'll never post. EES was a bit of a ball like going in. That is a fuck-up of a system. They've basically added a layer to passport control that is completely unnecessary. We got to the bottom of the stairs in Faroe Airport. What is it?

the entry and exit system, basically when you're getting to Europe now, instead of just going through passport control and you know when you have to put your passport... Is it only certain countries doing it? Because when I went to Paris, I was just normal. I have no idea what happened then,

but France is definitely a part of it and they've had loads of problems in Paris. Apparently Milan, Lisbon and Paris have had nightmares with the E. So maybe they've just opted out. Nothing but no. Missed. It was fine.

It was a big, queue and when you've just done a three-hour flight with your kids you're like oh this is a nightmare but it moved pretty quick oh my god you get to use that little oh i've got my baby with me yeah they did they just went oh yeah you're not doing it anyway so you have to queue in that fucking massive cue and they go oh don't bother just go and see a guy uh yesterday morning at faroe airport we got there maybe 45 minutes earlier than we would have done and we just cruised through there was no one there it was a beauty like yesterday traveling back was so good but then we got a message from the guinea pig kennel.

No, damn. Lower's tits have popped. One of Laura's tits has popped. Patch is no more. Oh, you've got a dead guinea pig? You weren't actually talking about Laura's tithe. You know, genuinely, I forgot you about the actual guinea pigs and thought something was going on with your wife's tits.

No, I don't know. That analogy would be mental, wouldn't it? Yeah, we put Laura's tits in a guinea pig kennel. What is that again? It's a kennel for tits. If you don't want to take your tits on holiday, they affect the weightage of the plane. Um, yeah, but one of the, the white one, um, he's not been looking.

You can sue then. Great. What? I've just thought to sue them. Oh, I, I don't think they kill, kill, it's not like a guinea pig death camp. Yeah, but you, you've been having a guinea pig Auschwitz. Oh, dear. Sorry.

Go on. You've had them not that long, maybe what, three years? Yeah, but they were rescues, weren't they? From where? From where? Well, we went to Nashville. It was a rescue centre for. Guinea pigs?

Oh, mate. You're not going to, don't anyone do it. But there's guinea pig talk. There's people who are like, guinea pig obsessives, and they follow, they've got massive followings.

Can I just, are we talking about actual, the animal, but we're talking about the animals. We're talking about the animals. We're talking about the, for the whole of this conversation,

I have been specifically speaking about a guinea pig that's died. RIP, Patch. You're not one of my wife's tits. What happened? That can't be the memory. I think he might have had guinea pig cancer. Yeah.

Oh, no. Oh, they've killed him, Finn. But that's what I mean? I mean, you've had him out in the garden. Yeah. You've not. Have they shown you the body? We've been to identify it.

Oh. There was just a little. They might have sold them to the circus or something. It was just a little outline on the ground. He was shot. That's what they said. He was shot. It's a rough part of the guinea pig kennel.

I can tell you from, My experience of being a guinea pig owner back in the day, the other one went pretty soon afterwards. Well, so we got the message. Laura was like, right. So to be fair, when I first brought up the guinea pigs, again, not talking about tits, talking about the actual pets. Etta was what?

When we were in Nashville, that's when they got, we got them. She would have been six. Oh, three years ago. She was six. she hasn't been initially she's a bit too young to be a good sort of pet owner a bit like like laura's had to clean them out and whatnot but in the last year or two she's been a lot better than she's taken more responsibility she loves those guinea pigs also she isn't getting another pet and she hasn't got another pet so that's they're the only fucking guinea pigs in town uh laura knew so

when i went right i'm going to collect them and and obviously we knew it was coming but we protect we just didn't want to ruin the journey back because we found this out as we landed and everyone's in a great mood it's gone so smoothly you're going to fake a murder she was again not been killed the guinea pigs just died of natural causes i think um so laura drove back and she was like i'm just going to get home and say to can i speak to you i've got some bad news and uh she came in she's all solid i was fucking around i'd mowed the lawns so i came in because i was like i need to be here to sort of help with this situation Laura in full morning.

I was saluting and Jack went, where's the white one? Laura cringed. Anetta was walking down the stairs, realized what had happened. And the reaction to patch the guinea pig dying from my daughter, this isn't an exaggeration, one thousand times more sad than when my actual dad died.

so Jesus she took it as badly as this is her 9-11 it's my heart she's so distraught and then Milo the other guinea pig who's just lost his mate

and as you say he's the same age probably doesn't know what's going on has not been put down for about not she's held him continuously she made a little bed for him next to her bed and fell asleep

holding the... See, the problem with that, as nice as that is. She's going to smother him. Yeah, it's going to happen. No, but even if she doesn't smother him, he could just drop dead in the night one night soon and she's going to wake up to a dead guinea pig. You're going to have to get that off of mead?

Wow. She could think that she's got like guinea pig killing hands. Yeah. Or hands as they know. Patch of Milo. So Milo's still going. I went. I went, because I don't know the names.

So literally, she sat there with Milo, the brown one. She's like stroking him. She's fucking crying. And I was like, you gave, you know, and I was like, I don't know the fucking name. I was like, you gave him such a good life. He was a rescue. And now you've got to give this little guy all your love and attention. She was like, yeah.

I went to Laura, which one died? And she literally said, without irony, I fucking know that, don't I? Because the brown one's there. The fucking name. Lauren. She doesn't see colour. Is you a fucking mad? I'm trying to be subtle.

I'm trying to be a good dad. I remember the names of these fucking guinea pigs. Anyway, drama. Good to be home. Great to be home. What's up? What are we doing? What's the plan?

Yeah, every time I go away, shit's happening. Oh, Adam has got a plan. Oh, by the way, phenomenal work on BBC Breakfast. Absolutely wonderful. They're dry, them presenters, you know. Really? Yeah. So here's what happened, right.

So they got in touch with hot water. Right. And they were like, oh, could you ask Adam if he'd come on the show tomorrow and discuss live the Apollo being cancelled? So I was like, just passed them email. And they got in touch. And I was like, what time do you need me?

And they went, you'd be on about half eight towards the end of the show. We're off here at nine. I was like, yeah, I went, could you get me a taxi from mine to solfer them back? because I just know what Solford's like for parking and stuff and getting to the place

I was like, it should be easier to do it that way. Yeah. And they were like, yeah, yeah, because, you know, stuff like that, they're not giving you a fee. No. They'll always pay expenses so you can sort of, you know, ask for stuff like that and you tend to get it. So I agree to do it.

And then the weird thing with stuff like that is, in your head, and I imagine you'll relate to this and even Finn as well. whenever you get offered like a press opportunity like that you always think oh this could be good you know because it's worth doing but they very rarely

do fucking anything for you because why would they I go on BBC breakfast they go six million people watch this you go yeah but six million people watch me go on and go oh it's sad that show's gone ah yeah like no one's watching that

and then go and do you know who's ticket I want to buy this year this guy do you know what I mean yeah and also I I really question that six million. Have they told you six million? No one, I would have switched off like.

I think, I think it doesn't matter how many million. How many million are, they're not like, they're glad to it. It's not six million. It's really not. No,

that's what the, the thing, context. That's what the emails, that's what the email signature says. What does I say? I think ours is 72 million every episode.

Um, so I was like, It's just like I'm going, because I had to get up at 5.30, walk the dog so that I could put him back in his bed, which would give me a long enough of his nap time to get to solve for them back. Question. Do you wear the jungle hat for the 5.30m. walk or else? Yeah. Oh, of course. That's a fucking sight.

And I was like, is this even worth it? And then the night before I was like, I've just got to do something funny. I've got to do something that I can then put on social and be like, I did this. isn't this funny, whatever. And then on the morning of, I was like, right, because I was on my way, like, really early. And I was like, maybe I'll post on my Instagram story and say, give me something to get into the interview.

And then I was like, but if their producers see that, then I'm fucked. And I was like, it's probably funnier. And I'll probably get better suggestions if I just ask in the pod group. But in my head, I was like, they're just not going to be awake before I go on. Luckily, you swear.

So Josh gave me a word, Harry gave me a word. Harry gave me a word Carl gave me a word. Also, if you've seen this on social since I posted it, you also gave me, forgive me, which I did end the interview with

just so you know. I didn't realize. I did get that in. So I just didn't get it in straight away. So I'm like, right, and I sort of knew how I'd get it in because I remember watching it, my episode went on BBC 2

a couple of weeks ago, and I remember looking at my outfit going, that is just fucking horrendous. And I understand that sometimes at the minute I wear stuff to people like, what the fuck are you wearing, lads? But I like what I'm wearing now, and I think what I was wearing then is fucking insane. So I was just

like this, that's me in. Let's just talk about that. So, you know, they've contacted me a day in advance. They've given me a taxi to get over there. I'm there an hour before I'm going on. They tell me I'm going at half eight, then it's 22, then it's quartz to, then it's 10, too.

And it's a lot of effort to then get on and I've basically no air time when just before it they're talking about all sorts of but you're watching it going what the fuck is this? Like what's the point in these features? So they know what they're 6 million won.

They literally, they show the clip. The clip they show is like they literally put the first buildup laugh of a bid in and the bit's only a minute and half long so they could have put the full fucking thing in. So I'm just watching it and I was like I literally had the thoughts that I'm sat there watching it and watched it like fade out.

I was like, do you know what? 10 years ago, I wouldn't know what to do. Yeah. I'd just be like, yeah, it's great to be on BBC. And I was just like, I'm just going to be honest and be like, what the fuck was that? Take the Mickey out of yourself. Why have you cut that out? And then I was like, right, now let's rip the outfit.

But they immediately just like tried to like, um, divert the conversation to, yeah. So what's it like standing on that stage? I'm like, can we just let me just be funny for a sec? Yeah. And then, uh, in advance I'd say them, can we plug me tour? And they went, well, if the BBC, we're not allowed. to like plug your tour. It's for some advertising reason.

They're like, but obviously if the conversation naturally goes there. So I, like I tried to get it there by going, you know, years ago when you did something like this, it would sell you a lot of tour tickets.

Like if I was going on tour, which I am later this year, like you'd do that and you'd sell a lot, but now I'll sell more tour tickets for the tour. I've got later this year by putting a clip on TikTok and Instagram and whatever. And, yeah,

it was just very rushed. and then when I started actually getting into what I actually wanted to say on there, which would have been really good for us. And they went, oh, Adam, just like Live of the Apollo, we've got a cut in here because we're going off here. And obviously the BBC, there's no advert, so everything's very regimented.

But I just wish they'd sort of, you know, got us in 30 seconds or a minute or two minutes earlier because we've had a conversation this week. I've spoken to Will. We've spoken to a venue, and we've started speaking to comic. but we have a word is going to replace live at the Apollo. We're going to release.

One of the questions they asked me this week is why has it had to be cancelled? Why is it not getting the viewing figures anymore? And I think a large part of that is people are watching so much stand up on their phones and on YouTube that it's rare that they'll then choose to watch it on terrestrial TV. It's rare that someone's going to be like, oh, at 9 o'clock tonight, they're showing live at the Apollo, the new series. So I better be ready at 9 o'clock to go and watch that episode. But I think people will watch it if it's comics they love, big names,

doing a set that then doesn't get cut and edited, like they fucking cut the end of my bit off. Doesn't have a producer watering it down with their beige fucking tasting comedy? In March next year, we're going to record eight episodes of our own version of Live the Apollo. Now, it's not going to be in a big theatre. We're going to do it in a comedy club setting. There'll be two comics on each one, plus me and Dan on everyone.

So basically, instead of filming a stand-up special this year with the show I'm about to tour, I'm going to split that hour across four episodes of our version of Live the Apollo, which we're going to call Havow Words Murderers Row. That will be filmed in March. Dan is going to do exactly the same. We host four episodes each. each episode will have two guests on doing 15 to 20 minutes. Whatever they want to do, they can do as long or as little as they want.

And the episode doesn't have to be 26 minutes long or 42 minutes long. It can just be whatever that episode is, depending on how much that comic decided to do on the night within reason. Those episodes will go out April or May once we'll as got... Standup doesn't take as long to editors, Clim and Kilimanjaro, so we can start getting these episodes out. They'll go out once a week for eight weeks. We'll see how they...

do and then we'll try and make this a regular thing. But I don't think there's any production company in the country. It was in a better position to do this to replace. I love Live at the Apollo. It's the show that got me into stand-up. And I think there needs to be a home for UK stand-up. I think there needs to be a place where you can go and find a comic that you love. And I think, you know, the sad thing is, and you know, my appearance on it is part of this. Over the past 10 years, live the Apollo was sort of, I hope the people who make it don't hate what I'm

about to say, because I really love and respect the people who make it, especially Anthony who's the exec and the person who books it. He loves stand-up and he knows exactly what he's doing. But for one reason or another, standards slightly dropped on the caliber of comic that was put on it. Because when he first launched, it was Jack D and Michael McIntyre and Mickey Flanagan

and people who'd stacked up 15, 20 years on the circuit. Big hitters and it felt fresh, didn't it? Yeah. And I think we can recreate that in a club setting with really, really, really great comics who just come on and murder it and then we're not going to chop their routines to bits. We're going to just let them,

they'll editorialize their own routines by doing whatever they do on the night. At the end of the day, stand-up is better live. It always will be. There's no getting away from that. It will never, ever be as good on any screen as it is in the room. But I think there is a way

to put that energy from the, room onto the screen a little bit better than TV comedy has been doing. And that includes less edding, less cutting stuff out, not cutting punchlines off, not cutting build up lines up that actually make the punchline better. Not asking for a script beforehand to check what's being said. Go and do your stuff. Tickets for this will go on sale a lot closer to the time. But it will be four nights in Liverpool in March next year.

And every single night, me and Dan will be on every single night. Like we did with the Murderers Road Tour, Dan will host one off, introduce two guests. We'll have a big interval. I'll host the second half, introduce two guests, and they will become two episodes of what we're trying to create. And every single night will have four different comics on, and me and Dan will be doing completely different sets.

So you could legitimately come to all four and come and be part of this. And when we get round to sort of selling it, you know, towards the end of this year, maybe early next year, I think these tickets are going to be some of the most anticipated tickets we've ever put on sale.

I'm so excited by it. And I've been sort of um and an hour for a while what I want to do with the hour of stand-up. I've sort of been putting together for this tour. And I had a couple of ideas. One was to film it at the Manchester Opera House, which was my original idea. another idea was to do Club Comic 2

and sort of do a sequel to the first special I ever put out Club Comic but when the Apollo got cancelled this week I remembered the first three series of Live at the Apollo the first one was just Jack D he did six episodes of just him like for six weeks doing I think half an hour on each one which was a huge back catalogue for him to commit to the TV

and then series two and three he hosted every single one He almost like passed the torch, didn't he, into what it became? Totally. And I want to take it back to that. I think Hover words murderers Row can replace Live the Apollo and you won't have to be tuning in at like, you know, 8, 9, 10 o'clock on a Tuesday night on BBC 2. It will be on YouTube on the Have a Word channel and you can watch it at your leisure. And you know, that's how we've been releasing our stand-up specials for the last few years.

And a lot of people watch them. And I think when it's not just me and Dan on these specials and we've got, you know, really big comics coming on, doing their sets and doing the sets they want to do that doesn't have to, you know, go past compliance for TV, I think this could be really, really, really cool and it could be the start of something really special. And, you know, we haven't booked these comics yet.

So if you've got any suggestions as to who you want to see on that, comics you've seen live that you've just seen. seen absolutely tear the roof off the place, comment them on the YouTube thing. Murderers. Yeah. And, you know, we will obviously feature a lot of comics who were on Murderers Row. That is the plan.

I'm dead excited. And I wish I got the chance to say all of this on BBC Breakfast. But, you know, Roger wanted his fucking ready, but I mean, so he cut me off. exciting stuff let's have a break oh second section

I went to the circus the other day did you yeah it has to have something it mama like that it's really reaffirmed

that I don't think I want children what what I went with children right I took my friend's kids and my friends what is it about that desk man that makes you not want kids

I don't know he wants kids yeah but that's not his desk he's an imposter I know that already else kids I like it

it's not no because I took them cost a lot of money to go to the circus in real which was a bad circus there was maybe

25 people was it Moscow State it was uncle Uncle Sam's big American circus we must go real of course we go

St. Circus normally goes around all of the UK. Not real, though. You know what I mean? Yeah. No. We've had the Moscow one. No, surely the Moscow State Circus, because it's the only circus I know,

it's doing the bigger markets. I'm not a Cirque de Salee, mate? Oh, yeah, okay. I hear a lot about Cirque de Salele, and I have no idea what it is. I feel like that would be sexy, I don't know why. I think I'm maybe getting confused with burlesque.

Is Cirque deserlele sexy? I think it's just the circus man. No, it's trapeze on that, in it? All right. Lady Boys of Bangkok. Is that a circus? I don't think that's a circus. Oh, good.

Nitro circus? That's like motorbikes. It's in a tent, though. The visual... Damn and camp and shit's it. Full disclosure. What happened? Full disclosure.

I taught my kids to Lady Boys of Bangkok, and, yeah, we're into the circus as a family. Yeah? They loved it. It's progressive. What if the Lady Boys of Bangkok? Is it just like women getting the knobs out? I think so.

Yeah. They're shooting ping-pong balls at the end of their knobs. Oh. Because they've got cocks. What are they shooting out of the urethreat? Yeah. They can do a lot. They can't do that.

Surely. You've got a problem with your knob if you're getting ping pong balls out of it. Yeah. That you're an ill woman. Apparently that's what child birth's like, by the way. Pushing a golf ball out of your cock. I'd have a C-section. Because think about all the pussies you've seen in your life.

You've never seen one way you've liked that would be fine for a baby's head. No. There's been one woman in a tent. What? But anyway, the circus. Yeah. I paid money to take them. Yeah, that's how that works.

How much was it? You didn't get comped. I'm actually Finley K from the signs. There's like 60 quid. Each? No. Between us. How many of...

You and two kids? No. And the dad. 15 quid each. And it wasn't... How much are your tickets? 18 quid. Right.

So it was a five and extra for the... Circus. Exactly. My shows are better. Arby. Yeah. Oh, actually,

I can't ride a motorbike around the wheel thing. Oh, we've seen the same circus here. Is it the American one? Yeah. Right,

it was in Ellesmere Port last year. With a, it was like a drag queen was like the circus master, but he wasn't a drag queen, but you could tell he'd done drag. Yeah. He got his teeth done

and was like tan to fuck. You know when you're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. But did, was there a girl on red ropes, like hanging and spinning? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think they looked like Eastern European hostages, though. Yeah. But I mean, if East European hostages don't want to be made to work in a circus, they don't want to be that skilled on ropes. And then there was, everyone else was like, so they had like a French clown. Oh, and he was doing bits. He was doing banter.

He was doing banter bits. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've seen the same circus, bro. But then they brought his assistant out and she was from Yorkshire. I didn't like that. Yeah, older woman. Yeah. Oh, my God. We have seen the fucking. Yes, mate. Yeah. You think it was value for money?

I thought it was all right, considering we were in a field near Little Sutton near Ellesmere Port. You know what I mean? Like, you know you're not going to Champions League circus. So it was all right. It was all right. The motorbike, how many people were there when you went? 35, 40. Oh, right, same.

But there's like a room for like 200, isn't there? I walked in a way. you go? Monday. Who's going to circus on a Monday, bro? It's the school holidays. You've got to go satis? I didn't know this. I'm not into circus timetables.

Satis are a big fucking day. You've seen the B team, man. I know. Oh no, they only have one team. Unless there is an injury to an East European woman trying to escape via ropes. She's, that's the team. I think I'd have enjoyed it more on my own

because the kids... That's so sad. No, but the kids... Kids are just ruin everything. How? I love the two little kids. They're like, I'm the fun uncle. I go around and they beat me up.

That's what happens. Phone call, by the way. Yeah, yeah. But one of them was overstimulated by the loud noises who just sat on my knee facing me and I put my hands on his ears for the whole show. All right, well, that's special. And then the other one dropped his umbrella and cried.

Right. Okay, I think what you've done here is, you've confused kids with shit kids, okay? They're shit kids. The umbrella dropping kids In a tricky spot Is this your brother's kids No it's his best mate from school

Right, Cam, I'm sorry you're made But you've got shit kids You just need to like make your kids better Or ear protectors Ear muffs And you know when you were a kid And you had gloves with a string Like you probably didn't know

You get shot in Liverpool Do you do ever have like gloves mitts where there was like A bit of string so you didn't drop them Just get that for an umbrella Like an oven glove? Did you never have gloves with little bits of string? God, I was...

I've never wore mittens in my life because I'm not... Oh, s'os, bro. On the mean seats are fucking real. I just wore them for fights. You can't wear mittens and get away with it. I was about five. You know what I mean? I got away with it.

No one was pulling me up. Not round my house, mate. Oh, yeah. The fuck, you didn't year one now, bro. Act accordingly. Fucking pussy. Yeah, I wouldn't recommend the circus. Well, Etta was eight when we went to the circus.

She enjoyed it. She enjoys a lot of shit, so it's fine. The motorbikes, in the ball at the end, pretty fucking cool. That was cool. Yeah. I bet Air Muffs was having the time of his life. He left. Yeah, he did.

I wonder if they've ever ran out of petrol during the thing. Feels like. Feels like someone's getting stuck for that, isn't it? Oh, I had a thought in the first half and then I got distracted because, you know, it's... It's a motorbike pod. You know, if you filled your tits up with helium, would you lose you? wait. You'd have to wear your bra

upside down. What? So hang on. The same tit ma, Abby, same titmus, titmass.

Yeah. But there's, instead of like a silicon implant, there is like a helium. What, are just bags, aren't he?

Yeah. Oh, are you bollocks if you want to make it about men. All right, cool, yeah. If I pumped your bollocks full of helium,

Would you weigh less on the scales? Your sperm and fly. Maybe, actually. Is it minus weight? Or is that still adding weight? Because something's pulling you up. Affecting your mass. Well, if you're...

Yeah, but a scale isn't measuring your mass, is it? It's measuring your weight. Right. So if anything's pulling against that in the opposite direction, which helium will be. A little cheat code if any UFC fighters are struggling to make weight. Big inflating bollus. If you ever see a female UFC fighter

with tits around her ears, something's up. Google says yeah. Wow, we're at like the forefront of science. A fraction of a gram. There you go. I've done it before. All ads up, mate. Whew.

I've really missed being back. It's fucking great being back. I haven't had the carbohydrate in this last Thursday. Oh, what? You need carbs, bro. What for? I mean, you really, you do need carbs. What for?

It's good. Reduce them, don't cut them out. I've just been doing a carnival diet again. Oh, okay. Oh, greasy, firm poos. How's the no porn going? Good, yeah. Have we glossed over this as well?

What? Yeah, I'm doing no carbs. Oh. No booze apart from Gina's engagement party which I'm going to Saturday and no porn

for August Oh yeah cool I'm actually doing the joyless diet where I just don't have any joy ever No testosterone no peptides

no wanking no smiling no air because it's for gus I'm still wanking I'm just using memory and imagination right

if you listen It can be done. If you just listen to porn, is that cheating? Oh, funny you should say that. It was hilarious. Discovered, discovered ASMR audio porn. Oh, like J-O-I?

Yeah. Tell me if this counts. So last night, I was in bed. Me misses us away this week. Yeah. So I'm all on my own. That's prime porn time. Exactly.

Oh, you're in the show, man. I'm teaching myself discipline, man. That's big teleport. If I can get through this week, I can't get through anything. You know what I mean? This is my 9-11. So I was on Instagram and obviously, do you know what?

Maybe I'm going to do a stand-up bit about this. Like, I think the algorithm is so insidious and you just, like, obviously, there's just so many women that just come up because you can't lie to it. Because when they come up, you can't just swipe up. Because you want to see it. So you watch it.

it goes, that's what you like. So anyway, uh, last night's I was just scrolling, watching reels, and then this girl come up, who was a cross-eyed goth woman. Yeah.

Right? Yeah. So I, I, that's what, but is that porn? She is, she has gotten only fans, but I didn't look at it. Huh?

Uh, I saw tits and a squirrel today. And I was like, wow. Was that on or and? I, no, it's a woman who had, a squirrel, but she's like, you know, I don't think this all really hit the algorithm.

No, no, she's doing squirrel content, but she's decided, I'll tell you what, I'll make this fly, if I get my impressive tits out as well. So it's her like, oh, I've got a squirrel, oh, look at the squir. But she's also got absolute stonkers. Great, great content. Here's a question, is a number one. Would it be breaking the porn thing if you watched your own sex tape? Yeah. Yeah. What are we doing is it? Because is that porn or is that a home movie? Matt Damon still watches his own films. It can be both. Yeah, but he's not abstaining from watching the born identity, is he?

Yeah, but let me ask you this then. If Matt Damon said to you, I'm not watching any films in August, and then you walked in and he was watching Goodwill-Lunton. I mean, it's a classic. And his performance. It's not his fault. You'd be like, you know. That's from this is a film, Matt, and he'd be like, oh, it's a whole movie.

You'd be like, it doesn't matter, mate. That's actually, yeah. industry funded, though. No, they made it themselves, didn't they? They wrote it. They wrote it. No, is it a Miramax? It's not self-funded, is it?

It is? No. No. No. No, it's a... They wrote it. It's a studio. Harry, you Google it.

It's passing down the Googling. I think it might be Miramax. I think it's Miramax. No, it's that they wrote it, and then they were like, oh, this is brilliant. And then we're like, we're in it, and they were like, no, you're not. It's a similar story with Rocky. Yeah. Stallone wrote Rocky, and they were like, great, here's. 300 grand fuck off and he went, no.

No, it cost 16 million. Ah, yeah. But they had that line. But yeah, it was mirror max. Yeah. They wrote it all and they sold it. You should start a film. But didn't they inventment and max to make it happen? Is that what happened? Yeah. I think they invented films. I think they won the Powerball just before they were about to calm the idea.

What we're talking about? I've been playing the lottery regularly. This is all over the shot. Strong gasoline. Yeah, you need it, don't you? Nothing's working. Nothing's working out for you. I haven't changed. I haven't changed. I don't check them.

Imagine. Imagine, imagine. Imagine. Adam's a millionaire. Last night, you're all a million's mom. Oh. You know if you don't check.

Like, surely they just call you. No, I didn't win. Have you listened to the ASMR point? It's like a woman going, ah, you're a good boy.

You're a really good boy. Your mommy's good boy. Where is she from? Doesn't matter. It just works. Right. Yeah. Oh, okay.

She's from somewhere. She's from somewhere. She used to work at circus. Oh, right. Mommy escaped. I've not done that. Mommy knows robes. No, it's not really for me.

I didn't believe. I didn't believe, you know what I mean? I need to believe. You need an evangelical. As soon as I see too much production with pornography. No, no, no, no, no. Is she on screen or was it animated like that? No, it's just audio.

It's on Spotify. It's on Finn Spotify. No matches. Oh, okay. 14 minutes. Stephen Elliott. Boo. One of our longest OG listeners who sends in loads of stuff and his dead sound.

Stephen Elliott, boo. If all... From Northern Ireland. I'll be in that. 16th of August. Stephen Elliot says, If all of the appliance... If all of the appliances in your house were sentient,

like in Beauty and the Beast, which one would you leave in charge if you had to go away for a week? For me, the fridge seems like the most responsible. The fridge can't move. Oh, so can't... No, I think if they're sentient, they can, like... You can walk a fridge, can't you? Yeah, but it's like...

It's quite cumbersome. The fridge? It's going to defrost as well if it unplugged itself. The defrosted fridge. No, I think the Alexa... You mean freezer? Well, I've got a fridge freezer at mine, so I can't... Flex?

Can't separate the two. The Alexa? She's everywhere. She's quite bossy. She's a nosy bitch. Yeah. She's always... He's listening.

Oh, here's a good one. I think my coat rack, I've got like a standalone coat rack, and I think that could like block the door being like, whoa, whoa, whoa, you're not going anywhere and full of coats. Nice. We've got a German telly, and that could be like an SS captain. No, you've not got a German tally.

Bosch, not German. Oh, my God, I suppose it is. Yeah. Who's got a German tell me? That's not made in Germany, isn't it? No, they're never. It's all those cool Koreans. In it?

TV's are Japanese and stuff. I think some of them are like turkey now, you know. What do you want to watch mid? I swear, they're going to have a turkey telly. The Panasonic ones are made in Turkey now. No! They are fucking not. Yeah?

No. Google it. I want to prove, bro. I'm pretty sure my telly. There's no way like the Japanese brand, like, outsourcing that to take it. It's too far away. But like the clothes are now,

some of the clothes in our turkey. Yeah, yeah, I believe that. They've got lovely Zahras. They're not doing tellies. They're not Panasonic. That's a Japanese fan, then it. Harry? Yeah, Tashiba, Panasonic, all assembled in Turkey.

JVC. Hitachi's my telly. See, I knew this. There's no way. I'm telling you. So the ones that are sold in Europe are assembled in Turkey. That makes sense. But they're not selling it, yeah.

A lot of screwing together, tellies made. Panasonic is Japanese, isn't it? Yeah, Panasonic. That's very Japanese when you do it like that. Basha! Oh, Baja! Oh, tittering on the line, brev. But then there is a Turkish telebrand called Arslick.

Oh, fact. Yeah. Can't be real. Facts. Bloody ars lick. Arsleg. Mid. Right?

Du bled by eight inches. So thank you for your question. Stephen Elliott. Emma Benyon says. Question for you, Lids. Emma Benion. If you had to relive one whole year, which year would it be and why?

If you had to relive a whole year of your life. It's not a redo. I can't start it again and do different stuff. I just have to experience the whole thing again. No, because you have autonomy over the year, so you can do, you don't, you're not just a passenger within your body, like a vessel just like on a roller coaster.

You get to just do that whole year again. change things, I think. I guess you'd still end up in the same spot. Here's the parameters. You go back to January the 1st of that year. You get to relive it with everything that's in your beautiful mind right now, all the knowledge you've got. And then on December 31st, you're transported right back to right here right now.

And you've lived an extra free year of your life from within your past. 2004. I'll go? 2004 is 23. That's fucking, man. I was shagging. I was fucking living, man. Yeah, but...

That was good then, won it. Did you like the Olympics? Did you like the Olympics? Oh, that's great. What's the point going? Wouldn't you want to go and change a year? That was shit. If you can change it.

Well, you could stop 9-11. Oh, you're 2001 and I'll stop 9-11. I'll fail to stop. I was, uh, 48. 20, turned 20 in 2001. March, 2001. I would have been a 20. year old. I was doing

Freshers Week in Newcastle. So I had a stop 9-11. Yeah. There was a good pub crawl, but I'd have missed it just to get across and stop 9-11. You think you would have tried to stop it? No. What do you mean? No. No.

So in Newcastle, like the week before 9-11, if you heard two members of Al-Qaeda, it were based the Newcastle. Like the Jordy cell? Yeah. If they were like, if you were in weather spoons and you just heard them

being in their spoons trying to assimilate. Smart Al-Qaeda. Jory Al-Qaeda is fucking smart. No, but I think I think a lot of the fundamentalist religious sects I think what they do is like look, Allah doesn't love

you having a pint, but if you're going to do 9-11 for them, you can have a couple. Is it in the Quran or? It's just one of them unwritten constitutions of... I think it's more like a quib pro quo. It's like... Listen, I want to be a fundamentalist but I love Nukhi-Braneo. I have a plan for you, my friend.

Jody Sel Al-Qaeda. Hey. If you'd overhaired it, yeah. Right? Would you have contacted the authorities? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Would you?

Yeah, if you spot something suspicious in a weather spoons. All right, say, say it's sorted. Oh, yeah. There's two Muslim, lads. Don't like the sound of what they're talking about. And they're only drinking halves, so very suspicious.

Do you think you would? would have, like, what would be your first porter call there? So, I'm a member of Al-Qaeda. Yeah. I'm on the phone, right? And I'll just do my accent for this. Yeah, I think it's best. I'm like, lad, yeah.

So, yeah, no, Tuesday, we're looking at. Tuesday, yeah. Really early local time. The lads are getting the planes and they're flying them into the Twin Towers. There's another one heading to the White House. There's one hitting the Pentagon. Have you heard this?

And we've got a demolition team ready for Tower 7 as well. Literally. No one's going to know how that one falls. This is mental. Yeah. Yeah, no, in the name of Islam, yeah. I'd have been out. As soon as I heard that, that's me out.

That's, I'll end the pub girl. Yeah, no. Yeah, in the name of Islam, yeah. Yeah, fundamentalist Islamic terrorists. Al-Qaeda, we are. Yeah. Yeah. No, they've been training for a while.

They've been doing lessons. Yeah. Have you not interrupted him? yet. Are you letting him talk? I was quite a nervous 20 year old. Honestly, and I'll say this with quite a lot of authority, I never interrupted a Muslim man in a weather spoons in all of my time living in Newcastle.

And I can say that with some authority. Sorry, me. Some fella looking at me here. Hello. You're right? What are you up to? I'm just, I didn't really speak like this, but I'm not that. It's literally really bad, man.

You know, just come and take Garry's with me and we'll go out in Newcastle. It'll be well better. Yes, I'll know. I will do. I'm just getting this soft. See, I fixed it. I fixed 9-11. We'll just go foundation and just do pills.

Let's class. There you go. No, we're still doing the 9-11. Like, I'm just not... Yeah, but... I'm not one of the guys. I'm just, I'm like the fixer. Who are you then?

What? You're the fixer? He's in Newcastle. Just blurting out. Oh, you're the money. Yeah. Yeah. Saudi Arabia.

Newcastle. This is... Wow. Fuck it. Load of Jordies. I fucking heared at that bit, by the way. Fucking hudder daughter! I'd have just left them alone.

mate. Fucking. Nothing could have been achieved by... How would you go about it? Like, if you found out in, like, July, how would you go about that? Two months to stuff out. That's the only one that can realistically do anything.

No, but, like, if you... Like, let's say we found out now. Oh, there was a new terrorist attack. I was at Haven Holiday Park in Lowest Off. Do we not put it on this? I mean, it'd be a weird episode like... Just trying to get the authorities to believe you. It's just, like,

probably couldn't have stopped at all. could, it's probably inevitable. So yeah, probably not. 2001 then. Can I just go back to 2004 when I was 23 and having fun? After the damage was already done. Yeah.

None of my decisions have been made because or in trying to stop 9-11. You started stand up at that point, aren't you? Yeah, I was doing some really good stuff. Ooh. Do shite. Maybe I'd do 2005 knowing that, like, Liverpool

come back in Istanbul and I'd watch, like, as a kid, I'd watch all my family be like, Oh, let's fucking shite this, and I'll just be watching going, you just fucking wait. You go back to be a 13-year-old? Yeah, being a kid was more fun, won't it? It's when I first started shagging as well. When did you lose your virginity?

13. Come on. Be honest. 13. How old were you? 13. Heby-jubis. 13.

You were 13 and hiby-jubis. Relax door on that fucking. Wouldn't you 13, though? I was 70. When you watching porn with the lads? I was 40. That was your thing, wasn't it? Not your thing, but like,

when you're watching porn with the lads at 13? Yeah. John Lloyd put porn on it. Yeah. You all did the pos. Yeah. Maybe 17 would be a good one if I go back with everything I know now. Because I'll be honest with you, that girl I lost me with Unity too.

She just used me. Did I mean? Same. And she got off. Not same girl. But you'd want to make her come. Yeah, I think I can make a cum now. In the toilets of Heby-Dub.

Yeah. Come by. No, me cock. Oh, right. I'd have done America again and I'd have got me dick wet, I think. Oh. I think I would have fathered many, many, like, American children. Yeah?

Do you think? Yeah, because I didn't understand contraception, I don't think. I don't think you do now, do you? Harry, this was three years ago. It wasn't like... No, it wasn't three years ago. It was, what? Four years ago.

Ah, you're stupid. I would have definitely got... some cowgirls pregnant. They were into you because of your accent. Yeah, and I shun them all the way. This is a lesson for everyone. If you're from Skem and you have some Jog-Liverpool accent, just go to Oklahoma.

They love it, apparently. I can't remember if I've said this, but I remember being in the library of Oklahoma University and Dan sent me a voice message that was like, have a great time. Just leave your missus and shag everyone along those lines. Sounds a bit groomy. And I was like...

All right, sorry. He didn't really know him. Stay with you. No, we were working together. Yeah. He was working message. He was working every day. He was working every...

That's better. Yeah, yeah. He's working for the podcast. And he was like, oh, I'm going to stay with it because, you know... It wasn't creepy. I was paying him. Cool.

Spend a year in Oklahoma and then come back and split up immediately. No, no. We kept it going for a year. We just didn't like... A year? Yeah, we just didn't like... We didn't speak to each other much. That's a good relationship, that.

Yeah. And then one time she slag me off to her netball friends. I was like, don't do that. Was that the line? That was that the line? Don't be slag it off to, you're not talking to me. You're not talking to anybody. We're going to do some advice. I'm here to help.

I'm here to help. I'll solve your problems. I'll tell you the best thing to do. If you want to do it, you'll be fine. If you don't, you might do time. Stay says this one makes me sound like a bit of a twat, but I saw a thing about second-hand fashion embarrassment, and it helped me realize I really don't like my husband's clothes

and general lack of style. Most of the time, I'm not bothered, but we went to Madrid for a mini break a few months ago, and I found myself cringing at the lack of effort he made when we were going out. He thinks it's funny if I bring it up and doesn't take it seriously, maybe because I've only ever said something in a light-hearted way, not wanting to hurt his feelings.

But I would like to actually speak to him properly about this, and I was wondering if you lads had any advice. How do I go about this? And would you be offended if your partner said something like it? I don't need him to be George Clooney, just want him to progress past comic book guy from The Simpsons. love you boys and that's from Stath

I think you can bring it up subtly I think you can bring it up forcefully I think he's gonna get defensive about it especially if he's not asked he's just gonna be like shut up I am who I am and I'm still who I was when you met me

I think it's a real thing though this as like women generally think about their appearance I know it's a generalisation especially when you're getting older I think women define their style a bit more and I've got mates and know lads who are like,

nah, I'm fine, don't worry about it. And then that's fine day to day until I've been to Madrid. It's quite a cool city. It's like London. It's got that same sort of... London? It's got that same sort of vibe

that's really fashionable bits of it. And then all of a sudden, he's slobbing around in like a fucking footy top. Yeah. Also, like, if you want to show this to your fella, Like, I'll tell you right now.

Obviously, I care a lot more about what I wear now than I once did. And I, again, it's very subjective. And there's a lot of people who are like, hey, what the fuck of them pants? And I'm like, shut up. Like, is, you've got, once you start sort of putting any efforts into something, people aren't going to have a comment on it, especially when they're not putting any efforts into it. So you do have to sort of dress for yourself and be comfortable in what you're wearing,

which you probably feel like you are right now. but I'll tell you right now once you start putting the effort in and then people compliment you on it it is the best compliment you can ever get especially if you start like concentrating on what you're wearing and you're in one of these cities

Madrid, Paris, New York, London and someone gives you a compliment on your outfit especially if it's a black person or a gay or a gay black but that's the winning in the lottery of that. Oh yeah yeah. If a black gay man compliments your

outfit as a man. That's why I hang around No Orleans when it's pride. Just increase the fucking chances. Like, honestly. Girl! Especially if it's your shoes as well. Like a black guy complimenting your shoes

is... That's like getting invited to the cookout man. Dan, you've... You've... You've also been on a fashion journey, I'd say. The past... 18 months. Since you've got in shape, you've definitely cared more.

There's no catch flights not feeling stuff. Stuff looks better on you, don't it? Yeah. It helps you try and give a shit. But did Laura ever say to you, don't wear that? So I'm not so obstinate. Is that the right word? I don't like.

I don't like. If I wear something, sometimes I will run stuff by Laura and go, hey, what do you think? If we do an ASOS order and I've got a few options, If I'm not sure, there is stuff that I go, I like this, I like how it looks, I like how it feels, that's a keeper. If there's a question mark, I will run it by Laura. And she's pretty good at going, I don't know, doesn't really suit you, it's a bit of a mad, whatever. I don't think so.

I don't like, like, I will, like, I will listen if I'm unsure. Yeah. But I do, I want her to, to find me attractive. There isn't, like, I'm not, I don't want a partner who's buying all my clothes for me. that's, I, when I was younger, I always thought that was like the saddest version of being a middle-aged man or older. I also think what I, like,

what you want is to buy your own stuff and get it right. Yeah. You want to put it on and I have a, like, go, that looks great. And you're like, yeah, I did this rather than air going, that looks great. And you're like, yeah, of course you think that.

You bought it all. Yeah. And I, but I don't mind running stuff by Laura because in the end, she's my wife and I'd like her to go, oh, you know, he looks stylish, he's attractive or whatnot. That is a lot of the decisions I make is, is this going to get me laid more, you know?

I think Ellie's made me care about me clothes more. I think you've had a really good six months, 12 months, you know. You're outfish. Just slowly phase some of the Wiggin tops, I was, I think. No. Just a little bit. Have you seen some of the bastards that I've, yeah, some of the Wiggin tops?

The last episode I had a Layton Baines, 2005 real. I think he wore it. That's the only way you can get retro Wiggins. I saw a lad in the airport yesterday wearing either a vintage or a retro Sheffield Wednesday are way top.

And he looked like he was in a indie band and like it was really like, you're like, class, that looks really good. He's a cool guy as well. The 40 kit that makes me cringe the most and this might be a bit unfair. You know the 1990 England tops? The blue one.

Which isn't an original so it doesn't have umbrough. Oh, mate. My mate Andy Hunt had the 1990, yeah, the original one. And I remember him wearing it 15 years ago.

It was the only one you ever saw. And he'd looked after it and it looked class. That has now been completely hijacked. And it's fucking gimpy, mate. Bad. Um, I don't know.

I think this is the kind of thing that lads, I think it's not a bad thing. to concentrate on just how you are pit, like just make some effort. Maybe she does need to start him off then by buying him something cool and then really compliment him on it. Or the way you can bring it up is, and this is how I do, a lot of my bringing ups in relationships and friendships and stuff, is, Hey!

You go to them and ask if you can do anything for them, like on this sort of thing. So you go and go, hey, can we just have a little chat? Like, can I, is there anything you? like me to work on, on, like, how I dress or how I act or whatever, that would make me more attractive to you? What would you like me to do more of and what would you like me to do less of so that I know because I want you. And then, hopefully, if you're in a good relationship, they'll return that serve and be like, what about you? And you just go, I just wish you'd put a bit more effort and thought into your style. Yeah. And ultimately, if he's a great guy and you're in a

happy relationship. It can't be the end of you. You can't be like, well, everything is good, but he dresses like a bit of a douche. But also if he dresses like comic book guy from The Simpsons, it means he's literally not thinking about it.

And that's okay, and that is most men. So he will know he's not really thinking about it. And you don't have to say, I need you to dress better. You just have to say, I just wish you'd think a bit more about what you wear and,

like, put a bit more effort into, like, what it is. I think you've got to do it from the inside. Like, you've got to be covert. I don't know. Like, if it was early, early, would do it like, oh, those georts make you look like your fancy kids. And then I wouldn't wear shorts.

Nice and subtle. Yeah, yeah. Just hint that he's a paedophile. Yeah, but then it's ingrained, in it? Yeah, yeah, really subtle gaslighting. Those, that outfit makes you look like a paedophile. So, just think about it. Go away and think about it.

You know what I mean? Yeah. Oh, I'll change the socks. It was the socks. Yeah, they made me a pedophile. Did you have some chicken? Oh, let's get some chicken. Oh, we're here with Harry Stikini!

Hello, how you doing? Is my jacket given off like Italian mobster vibes? Like Italian mobster. It is about a bing. You know, going to collect a bit of dough. Well, first off, you were in your PI jacket, so you look like you were a detective. They look great.

Well, that's mad that match. What is it? Yeah. Is that available, is it, Harry? It is. All right, okay. So I had some madd that merch on. But it was a bit thick for the weather.

then we went out to lunch and I switched to this and I've stuck with this for now, you know what I mean? It works. I mean, I've not seen the first jacket, but it does work. The first jacket, have you seen True Detective?

Yeah. So the kind of jacket today where when they turn up at a scene and like, Jesus Christ, there's a woman who's been bombed and murdered that jacket. Have you seen True Detective? Jesus Christ,

I'm not a woman been bombed! God. Anyway, I know that's not an exact storyline, but I don't want to plagiarish, you know what I mean? True Detective Liverpool will be fucking great. Yeah. What? Were you making?

Laugh to cook great. Fucking on. Just loads of women being bummed around Liverpool. And Jack Finnegan's probably, no. No. Hey. Oh! No, no, no.

What are we doing here? Bismurching a good character. How are you, Harris Ticini? I'm good, mate. Yeah, yeah. Thank you very much for having us on the pod. Can I say? I love the gum. I love the gum shoes.

I'm a fucking gum soul, man. Yeah, mate, these are a vinted purchase. Are you rocking exactly the same? Are you a vinted man, yeah? Yeah, man. I only got into it about 12 months ago. But I've made money, I've equally... It's actually better than going, like, to a high street shop, I would say. Why?

It's just, well, it's cheaper, for starters. You can haggle on the price, and it just gets delivered. But, like, it's also... You can get, like, quite quirky stuff I find. Yeah, no, it is good for that. sell stuff on it, but you say haggle on the price, you can do that in River Island. I thought I've not got the confidence

to haggle on the price in River Island. I don't think they've got the authority to give you a deal on anything. What you're talking like, this button's frayed, can I get 10% off or... No, you can, you can haggle anywhere? Yeah, it doesn't mean they're going to accept it, though. That's the same on Vincent.

Very true, very true, but... You just have to go in, you just have to go in and assert your dominance, you know what I mean? You've been like, listen, we all know, know the 40 quid's a bit much for this. This is going to be 20 in the sale. So how about we call it 23 now? Yeah.

What? 18 year old's like, yes, sir. He's so authoritarian. Go and get your fucking manager and I'll deal with him. All right. I see from your Instagram, for instance, you've got quite an extensive wardrobe.

Yeah, okay. Now, have you got stuff on Vinty right this second? Yeah. He doesn't. How many things have you got on there? I don't know. Someone runs it for me.

He's missus, by the way. He hasn't. Right, okay. Jesus Christ. I was like, this podcast is going really. I like to ask the fashion department. Right, okay. But do you do it from a point of view of,

and this is just my method with Vinted, I'm like, whatever money I've made, it's not like real money. Do you know what I mean? Like I've sold something, so then I can, I've got like credit in the bank to go and get something.

Do you see it as a case of like, whatever you sell, you're going to put, like, reinvest, or is it a case on taking this out, I'm using it elsewhere? Every penny I make on Vinted goes into the stock market.

Yeah, yeah. That's what I've started doing. Right, okay. Yeah. Just big into oil. Yeah. Right. Okay. Absolutely is.

In his mind. You've got 40 items in you... Are you checked this live? I've done it live. Right. Wow. Right. What's the highest priced item on there?

Highest price. Because that will haggle now. Here we go. Okay. Right. Do you actually want it? My phone is there. It's nice, but I don't know.

I've ever seen you wear this. What is it? Is it a leather item? It's a... Brute cardigan with... some baseball bat on it. Oh, not another cardigan. It's honestly, that's a lovely piece that, right?

But it is, it's from a French brand called Brute Archives, and it was just ever so slightly way too small for me. How much did you buy it for? I think it was about 200 quid. How much is it on for, Finn? 158 pounds, 20 pence. 158, 20, Jesus Christ. Are you trying to confuse?

them with the price there. That's including the buyer's protection, isn't it? It is including the buyer's protection. Right. This is he's nosy shit. I honestly thought, like Alex he's gone, you spent 200 quid on this off, average is like what?

Eh, let me just see. 158 pound out. I'm not finished, Alex. 158 pound 23. Seems pricey. 20. Bang. Get it on. Does that include the buyer's protection?

the buyers. Oh my God. I'm really glad. Is it £820 of buyers protection? Yeah. Good. There's shipping on top of that as well. But you're sort of

158 quid. Now if someone came in with a hundred quid, flat no. Oh, not a flat no. You always go back with a counteroffer. I believe anyway,

you'd have to ask the fashion department. I say it's handled by someone else. I imagine if you were in for under for that. She'd probably go back to you with 1-48. I personally think if somebody's like I want almost

at least 20 quid off for what it is, do you know what I mean? Like the full price of it. So I know that. Yeah, you do not. So that's why it's up for 150. You know what I mean? Right. 1 30's the price. That's what you sell it for. He's giving it away. Blip that. Oh shit.

For an original Brute archive? That is obviously, like a... It's new with tags though, Dan. You know what I mean? Quite an expensive piece, as you say, right? Okay, from a nice brand cardigan and all the rest of it, right? So I've put up like shirts in the past, like from H&M, okay?

When I've put them up for two quid and I've had people come back being like, we'd just take a pound. And I'm like, no. He was just asking you to fuck. Yeah. Well, in my head, I'm just... I actually took it off and I took it to the charity shop. Is that worth you being asked?

Is it like that two quits? Like, I was like, if I offered you two quid to take a parcel to the post office for me, would you do it? How far is it? It's as far as the post offices from your house. Mine is five minutes. And if the parcel's like manageable, yeah? If I had something on for two quid, they offered a pound. I'd accept it.

I'd kill myself in principle right there. I feel like I'm about to get a job in your vintage business as like a career. My mum's doing the exact same. She's got loads of my clothes that I've been chucking out and she's doing them for three quid. four quid and she's taking stuff to the post office every single day. I've sold one jacket on Vinted and they sent it back. Yeah, right, I had this. I bought a car heart jacket.

This was years ago, right? And basically, it was a bit too snug now, right? So I put it on. And I think I bought it for like 70 quid off eBay. Put it on for 45 Unvinted. And someone paid it, sent it off to him. And then when they, they can tell that I've had an issue with the purchase. And they said, effectively, there's like a stain on the back.

And I was like, well, I think that would wash out. and they were like, well, I don't think it will. And I was like, right, well, I'll take 10 quid off for you. And they were like, no, I'd actually rather send it back. And like, the stain, it's tiny. Do you know what I mean? Absolutely tiny. But in my head, I'd be like, just accept the jacket.

Apparently if you put sold as seen, then that invalidates that retain claim. Well, yeah, they said to me, this is part one. And I was like, well, I didn't say it was new. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? So, yeah, I just think in that situation, it's on them. But, Harry, this is important question, did they have bias protection? They did have bias protection.

Yeah. End of case. I had to swallow it. Put it straight back on, sold it full price. Once again. No qualms. How much time is this taking out?

I mean, you're a busy guy. Your stand-up's great. You're working dead hard. How much so you're putting into this low-end, vintage business? Enough that I'll go to the post office for two quid for him. But yeah,

I put stuff on and then I'm like, right, this is, I've got a month to get rid of this. And if it's not gone after a month, I hide it, and then, you know, put it back on again. But be feedback's always five stars. Sorry, hang on.

What's the technique? Give it a month. You give it a month to try and if it's not sold. Take it, take it. You hide it from yourself. No, no, no. No.

I thought that and I nodded. I thought that was wild. Basically archives it on the thing. He's not going, like, no one wants you. You're going in the attic for a bit. I honestly thought I was like, right, this hasn't sold. Yeah.

So I'll put it behind the fucking fridge. And when I find that in two years, I'll go, don't you else. Has Harry has sent me a for gun jumper. I agree. Wow. Yeah, yeah. Can I ask why,

what makes you get rid of something? Piece of clothing. If I don't fancy wearing it or equally outgrown. Sometimes as well, it's like your wardrobe just changes, doesn't it? Yeah.

I know, mate, yeah. To be fair, Adam, I'm not, your style's changed, like, dramatically, but, like, you wear nice stuff

from what I see, but you, my wardrobe, I've got like, a rail, right? I have one rail. And in my head, I'm like, I don't need any more than that.

I love that. What comes off after goes back in? So, like, my girlfriend's moving in four weeks and she's, thank you. But yeah, she, she, she's got an extensive wardrobe. So for me, I'm like,

I think you're going to have to do a clear out before you move in. Yeah, yeah. Because, you know what I mean? No, you have to. That's what you've said to her. Yeah. Right.

We did a two-week trial living together just to see how we'd get on, right? Okay, I think that's normal because I've lived with partners in the past. Like she's a fucking Spotify premium membership, wasn't they? Basically, yeah, a little bit, but you know, you're trialing each other.

So, like, we've known each other about 18 months, but she's never lived with a partner and I've lived with partners in the past and I'm like, it either will or it won't. So you just have to try. And we're at the point now where it's like, you're going to try. So we did a two-week trial

just to see how we'd rub alongside each other. I'll be honest, first three days pretty tense, okay, because, like, routine is quite big for her and, like, going to bed at, half past eight is not what I want to do. So you're having to kind of like, fine. How old is she? Okay.

She's, yeah, yeah, mate, yeah, 32 year old woman. What time do you go to my Finn? What did you? Do you think he was going to say like 11? Yeah. No, I thought, I thought, you might be into the older ladies.

That might be a 70 year old woman. Yeah, yeah, yeah, well, do you think, would you? Yeah. You have got the vibe of like a, uh, granny snatcher. A granny snatcher, yeah. Oh, they think you're a nice young man. Yeah.

I've got history. I'm not history with that, but, you know, I. Sorry? Not the idea of being snatched by anyone in that age bracket But I've been taken out for me tea with a few women in my time I did What do you mean? Like when I was in...

When I was in Zanzi bar I met a group of women, right? And all in the 60s, Sally Lynn and Debs, lovely women. And they met me in a bar and we got chatting And then it was a case of like, I was travelling on my own and they were basically a little throple and got on really well and they said,

look, if you're around in Kendoa in the next couple of weeks, we'll go for dinner. And we went to the full moon party together, which is like a beach party, which is like massive in Kendoir. So it was me and three ladies in the 60s. And then we went for a meal afterwards

and I was sat around. You could tell, like, the waiting staff, we're trying to work out what the dynamic is between us all. But keep in touch. Do you know what I mean? Did you fucking?

No, mate, I just shared a starter. Do you know what I mean? I'm not. Oh, you got a little, bang, bang. No, go, mate. No, no, no. You know what I mean? I'm, um, yeah.

That's... A grandma. Yeah, when you said you've been taken for tea, I thought that was like alluding to some sort of like Mrs. Robinson situation, but you literally got taken for your tea by three pensions. And it was very pleasant, lovely women. You were in Zanzibar because you went over to Tanzania

to climb Mount Kilimanjah. Yeah, yeah. So you get you, I did it in 2023, but I watched your special, which was superb. But my experience to yours was, like it couldn't be further from what you had. So I booked to go like a year in advance, but I booked to go in a group of people.

Like, that's what I got sold. And I've done my research and stuff. And then the first day I got to Zanzibar, I met my guide, a guy called Nazari. And he told me no one else has shown up. And it's literally just you. And yeah, yeah. I was like, I'm in a hotel.

Like, what? And he was like, do you want to do it? And I was thinking, well, like, I'm here. You know what I mean? Do I, do I bottle it? And I thought, what's the, worst. So I said, yeah, fine. And then he goes outside and tells, um, he's basically his five brothers. And then I was like on holiday with his family for a week going up this mountain. And

I'm sat in a like a, what's it called, like a minibus driving to the gate. And all, obviously, they all speak Swahili. And Nasri speaks like broken English. And I've got a week with them. So do you know you guys had like a mess tent where you're eating all your food? He said to me before we set off, he was like, do you really need us to bring the tent? And I was like, Like I thought he meant like the one I was going to sleep in. And I was like, no, like a little tent would be fine.

And he was like, okay, well, we won't bring, do you need the toilet? And I was like, I thought I don't really, did you guys have someone carry a toilet?

Yeah. I carried the toilet. We had two toilets between everyone. Right. Okay. And what was the system? Is it like into a bag, bag it up or just?

No, it's into like a, do you know, like a food container you'd take to a football tournament? Tupperware? No, like a cool box. Yeah,

you know, like a coolie you'd take to the beach for like a summer party with your friends. So that's filled up, sorry, throughout the morning or the day and then emptied at the end. Or is it like one emptied? I don't know. I just pooed in it. I didn't empty it.

You didn't look. Mate, so I was going behind rocks. Okay. So my experience was so different to yours. Nasra sat me down on like, I think it was the, I don't know, fucking camp number two. Shearer, Shira. And obviously you got like the long drops. Did you go in them?

The what? The, do you not see the toilets at the campsites like the holes in the ground. Oh, we didn't go in them. No, we didn't use them. No, they were poo. in a cool box like you get a football tournament. You know. So obviously, I was watching yours and I was like, wow, this is it like with all the bells and whistles.

But I effectively had my tea on my lap in my tent on my own and I could hear Nasri and the lads in their tent having a wonderful time. We are all pitching, Sammy and Azri do. Yeah, yeah. Smead off. Because when I was looking at all your staff, you had loads. So it was Nazari, Fundy, Imlan, Haridi, Tumbay and Zamaru. And, yeah, honestly. I think the same number five.

We got on great, but he was like, it was so weird because obviously the first I'm saying... Sorry, Jambo number five. Yeah. Bravo. Very good. But we, effectively, like, you guys are all with each other. So, sorry. Sorry.

This will work. Shut up. Come on. Come on. What are we here for if we're not at this? Go on, Harry. You guys are all together, so you got, like, the time chatting and stuff like that. And I can see, like, I know you were having a tough time with the altitude and stuff like that.

But because it was like just me and Nazaree, we're trying to make a bit of chit-chat as we're going along. And obviously, it's just like a bit like broken English most of the time. But the thing that absolutely baffled me was, he couldn't understand what I, he was like, what did you do? And I said I was a comedian. And he was like, he was like, oh, you must be. famous. I was like, I'm definitely not famous, mate. You know what I mean? Like, I'm just...

I'm on Kilimanjaro of my own. Yeah, with you. But the mad thing was, I'd said to him, have you seen the clip of Carl Porter doing the slow-mo? Yeah. Yeah. So I said... You are? Once or twice. Once or twice. Yeah, yeah. I said to him, I said, have you seen the clip of the guy doing the slow-mo? And he was like, yeah.

And then I'm sending Carl Porter a voice note on the side of Kilimanjaro being like, mate, there are six lads on the side of a mountain at 14,000 feet that fucking know who you are. Like, it was absolutely crackers. but yeah, your experience was just like you've got each other so you're looking after each other whereas I was literally having me tea on my own shitting behind rocks while Nazari's like looking out for me

and then... But did you have to deal with the speeches every day? From Adam? It was... To be fair, I actually went away and watched that Obama story. I thought you were making it up on the spot

but unreal that, yeah, that fired up, I'm just fairly good at making things seem like I'm coming up with it, you know what I'm? Seameless. there was no team talk. Nazrae would come to the tent and he'd just be like, right, we're going to go now. And then the mad thing was,

like we'd set off and the lads who were carrying all the stuff, which is obviously, as you know, just like mad, they would like beat you to the next spot. So you got, you know, they're carrying like a one bed flat on the head, aren't they? So you just, they are.

I mean, that one's got an unsweet. How did you do with the, how did you do with it? I mean, like it looked like without the boys, you would have never finished it. I mean, did you find it easy or were the moments where you question whether you could do it? I mean, I'll be honest, I've, the only day I found out was the last day, the summit day. So, um, because as you know, it's like, it's just pretty, it's like a steady walk, isn't it?

And I think as well, maybe because you're on your own, you've not really got a reference point of anyone else. So I could have been like, I'm fucking blown out my ass, but it wasn't like I was seeing other people around me. Yeah, he was struck like. Yeah, yeah. So I was just watching, you know, Nasri walk in front of me. but altitude-wise that last day obviously when you get there whether it was kebo camp or the last one for the summit they obviously say right we're gonna you're gonna have a sleep

and then you're off you go and I wasn't expecting to be woken up at like midnight and then it was like right now now's the time so we were the last to leave camp but we were the first to get to the summit so the benefit of being on your own is like you can move at the pace of you and so everyone else is like you know you move at the pace of your slowest person poli-poly and all that type of stuff but altitude wise it was only kind of when I got to stella point that I was like, I am fucking on fire now. And then going across the top, obviously, it's pitch black. And I was, at one point, Nazareth's walking in front of me. And he's like,

you're good. And I was like, yeah, I'm all right. And he says, if you fall, fall that way. And I was like, why? And he goes, Cliff. And I'm just like, I'd rather you not say. Do you know what I mean? That's just, that's broken English, but it's the important stuff in it. Oh, yeah. You've met Cliff Richard, haven't you? Yeah. You've been at a party with Cliff Richard, haven't you? No. Is your dad not met him? Oh, is this for his research? Sorry, that was on the research. Finn went, oh, Clay.

No, we're sorry. Don't say that. Don't say it was on the research. You do the research. Yeah, you know, I find. It was on the research. Fawke it. Oh, that is like a pointless answer.

Thank you. Thank you. So what happened there was years ago. And that's the end of the Kilimanjaro section. We'll look back. Finn was like, you've got to say the cliff thing. Because I'd make, sometimes on the research, I make things bold.

and your dad has met Cliff Richard was bold. Yes, right. The research says his dad is my wife. What else did you go on that research? You were at a party with Cliff Richard, weren't you? And you once had a rectal exam? No, no, no. It does say he was once had a party with Cliff Richard.

That's what the research says. Is the rectal exam separate from the Cliff Richard? Yeah, that's how I met Cliff. Yeah, so the Cliff Richard thing was, do you know the band, the Holly? Yeah. Right. Okay. So the bass player of the band in the hollies, Ray, Ray Stiles, he used to go to the same campsite we went to when I was a kid in France. And basically, my dad got Pally with Ray. And then the Hollies were doing a show at the Royal Albert Hall.

And my dad is like, yeah, just a character. And effectively... I've met your dad a few times and that is an understatement. It's a very imposing figure your dad, really? What is his? The big stikini? Oh, yeah. My dad is a lovely guy, but like, yeah, just... He'll, like, get a little bit So older people. Like, do you know, you know, Ali Woods? Yeah. So obviously, in Edinburgh a couple of years ago,

Ali came for a pint with me and my mate Lewis. And we sat in Bristol Square and I've like left my dad with Ali. My dad knows Lewis, but he's never met Ali. And I left in there for about an hour. And by the time I came back, Ali went to me, your dad keeps grabbing my head. And I was like, what do you need? Do you know who his dad looks like?

Do you know, Rambo's boss in Rambo number five? Rambo's boss? Do you know Rambo? Like, have you seen Rambo? Not bits of it. Okay, I've got a picture here. So, okay. I nearly wrote Rambo number five.

Let me just make sure I've got the right guy. I think it's Rambo's boss. No, that's not him. My dad used to think he looked like Richard Gere. No. It's not happening. He's just had his teeth done as well. It's not him.

Not Rambo. Sam Chapman? No, it's not him. Is he Italian? Uh, we're lukewarm Italian. It's like four generations back, do you know what I mean? Oh, right, right, right, right. 1847.

I thought it was like, 1847. Yeah, a guy called Antonio came across and married a lady called Lucy Proudfoot, and it diluted pretty sharpish. Right, okay. But yeah. I thought he may be a bit of an Italian sort of like, oh, it's a sake. He definitely does have that about him, but you know what I mean? He's called Martin.

So he's... Um, but effectively, while you're getting this up, my dad was Pally with Ray. And we've gone to the Royal Albert Hall to go and watch the Hollies. And I must have been maybe about nine or ten at this time. And my dad tells his story. But basically, I remember going to like a back room with the Royal Albert Hall. And there was like an after party with just friends and family and stuff like that.

And my dad tells it as we're also around chatting. And Cliff Richard tapped him on the shoulder and said, Hi, I like your glasses. And my dad looks at him and went, all right, Elton. And, you know, whether it's myth or truth, I'm not entirely sure. Great power play. But my dad, he loved the guy, but effectively, if he meets you, he's just quite, it's tactile.

Do you know what I mean? He's like a puppy. Means well, but can bite, so. I don't mind that. Yeah. He's come to, carry on. He's come to gigs in the past, and like, I've had to say to him, like, just, you know, you need to behave, right, okay.

And he's at the end of the gig, no one's asked. He just got up and sung suspicious minds by all before. Wesley. I'll tell you all this show needs. Yeah, yeah. And it's wild because, like, he's, you know, he does look after himself and he likes a part, he likes a drink.

But like, I was at the Frog and Bucket, right? And this was, this was a couple of years ago. Now, I rarely get heckled on stage. And, like, I don't, I don't think the energy I give off on stage. I'm quite likable on stage. That's what I would say, right? So I was at the Frog and Bucket and I was doing a piece of material about working in schools.

And I was talking about parents that self-diagnosed the kids and saying about like when parents say they've got autism and all the rest of it. And the joke was on the parents. It wasn't on the kids. And I'm having a nice time. But basically I hear from the balcony, shut your fucking mouth. And I'm like, that's definitely not being said to me. But my family are in the show and we've been day drinking.

So I left them at about seven o'clock. I was like, I've got to go and perform, right? And the time I've left is like baby Guinness coming out, right? My dad, my sister, his partner. And they're in full flow. I then next see them the moment and well just before that first just before showtime

and they're well-oiled so I'm like behave right I just need just like sit in the back and behave because I've done the frog in the past and obviously they say no phones and my dad is the only dick with his flash on at the back right filming me so that I'll then see it

in the family WhatsApp after the show right okay but this show I'm having a really nice time and I'm like hear the noise and I think that's definitely not being said to me and then I hear it again going shut your fucking mouth and it's getting louder and basically they're coming down off the top deck

and as they're coming down the spiral staircase there's a guy, big guy, really glassy eye but he's like furiously pointing at me and he goes, shut your fucking mouth

and the bouncer is that to walk across from the door to get between me and him right and I'm stood there looking at me I was like mate I think you've got the wrong end of the stick

but all the while that's happening my dad has made a beeline from the back of the room for this fella but no one knows it's my dad and in my head I can't be like, Dad, don't twatty. But this fella, effectively,

he tries to get on stage. The bouncer kind of calming down was like, you need to go. And the crowd are like booing him and asking me to carry on. Finish the show. And as I finished, Colin, the sound guy said to me,

you can't leave the venue. You're not allowed for basically half an hour because this guy's hanging around outside. So I was like, well, I'm going to watch the show regardless. So I go back to the table, fully expecting all my family to be there. And I think it was a case of my sister and my dad's partner at the table.

table, my dad's not at the table. So I come back and I'm like, where's dad? And my sister goes, I think he's looking for you. My dad then leaves the table. And as my dad leaves, sorry, my dad comes back to the table and my sister's left the table. And my dad goes, where's Jordan? And I said, she's gone looking for you. And then someone says like, oh no, I think she's outside talking to that fella. And I'm just like, can everyone just like, I don't want a fucking fight to break out. Do you know what I mean? Show carries on. We watch the rest of it. And literally, as I'm leaving through the main exit with everyone right at the end, I get stopped by this fella. And And he says, I'm really sorry about my friend.

His lad's autistic and he's just got the wrong end of the stick. But he's had too much a drink. And he was like really apologetic, but like big guy. And I looked at him and I went, mate, you were the absolute spitting image of Robbie Williams. And he went, yeah, I'm a tribute act. I was like, falking up. But like, it was like, it was Robbie Williams in the flesh. Apologising to you for his drunk mate.

Yeah, for his drunk mate. Whatever I said. Whatever I didn't mean it. It's not Rambo's boss. It's the police chief who tries to arrest Rambo. Can I see this? It's him. Okay, quite a famous actor.

The guy on the left. That's Sylvester Sloan. This one. The dad is not going to be happy with that, mate. That is what he looks like, though. I'll show you what he looks at. In fact, I won't show you what it looks like. I'll show you at the end of the pod.

That's what I'll show you. So did you fall off, still a point then? Did I know? No, no, I didn't fall off, still upon it. But what I would... Back to kill, yeah? Smooth. Really?

Do you just take the wheel, have it? I felt bad for interjection. What the fuck has been going on while I've been on holiday? I've got this, lads. When I was going to ask, when you guys went up and you had, like, all the kind of team talks at the start, did you ever have,

like you said you had a bit of a coming together with one of the guides because they're like trying to encourage you to eat. But like, there was there any ever, any tension amongst any. Sexual or? I imagine that it's just a constant with you guys. Yeah, yeah. Just all of us.

But like amongst like the guides and stuff, like that, did you see any kind of... No, the guides would all sound. Right. We thought two of the guides might have been shagging. Oh, they definitely were shagging, yeah. If we're talking actual sexual, yeah. Yeah.

Right. Two of them were definitely goosing. Kay. Okay. Oh. Oh. There was a woman. They let one.

Yeah. Yeah. So I... There wasn't necessarily... I wouldn't say tension amongst... There was one lad, uh, Imlan in the group who I didn't think like... I thought he had an issue with me. And we had this, like, weird moment where, um,

you guys do your chance in the morning. I got told on day four that we, we had to do a dance. Um, and I, I had no idea if this was like a wind up because it was just me there. And effectively they were like, it's safe passage for the summit.

Um, so just in 20 minutes, put your shoes on. And we, do I think it was the camp, do you know where you had someone helicoptered off? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

That was the kind. It's like, you're literally on the side of a mountain, aren't you? Yeah. You're a bit goose, but effectively, I'm stood in a circle with six lads who all know, one, the words to the song and two, the dance moves, and it just starts.

And I'm stood, and effectively, they're going round the circle, each taking, like, a time to do a little solo in the middle. And the song is like, Jambo, Jambobarana, Habarikani, Masudisana, yeah, yeah, Naguini. Right, and it's... You fucking know the words now, don't you?

Yeah, man, yeah, yeah, yeah. I had to go away and go ahead. it. But they're like, they're really going for it. And as they're going round, they're all like, taking the turn to go in the middle.

And I'm like fourth in line for this fucking dance. And it's on my Instagram. But like, whether it was a bit of altitude or whatever, but I think I've gone in with absolute style. And it is very much the opposite.

It is, I wouldn't even say it's like dad at a wedding, right? I can't imagine I'd have been open to being the solo dancer. And I've been like, used to the dance. I'll have a watch and we'll just. There was not,

before I knew what was happening. It was like, they've videoed it. And we're just like, right, off we go. But I, what you guys were doing

is like a group and you've got like sundown and everyone's dancing like that looks fucking great but mine was, I felt like it was part of the package

that would have worked for a group but they were like he's here, we might as well just do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And one of the guys had an issue with you. I felt like a failing

on their part that they've only got one customer and still managed to get irritated with you. Yeah, well I felt, I felt like he did, but he's, again, language barrier, he was a bit fucking aloof.

Do you know what I mean? Right. And I found that quite difficult times. How was his solo, dancing. He was probably the worst of everyone. The best guy was Tumbae. I mean, when he went in he was about four foot, fuck all. He was tiny

and his dance moves were superb, but he looked the oldest out of all of them. But they were, I say all related. So, like, lovely lads, but just one of them experiences where I was like, this will never happen again. Do you know what I mean? Would you, would you do it again? I'd do something like that again. Yeah. I wouldn't do Kiliman Jarrow again. It's like being there done.

You did base camp? Huh? Base camp, Everest. No. That's small Why is base camp Everest? What's mean? I mean, you can climb to base camp And then I've climbed to base camp

But in your head, you're doing what everyone does Before they know about it. Base camp, you think that's the bottom. Base camp is higher than Killy. I think it's just lower. It's lower than Killing. And it's meant to be like In terms of its elevation

Just almost like a very slow line up It's like Kilimanjaro is that, do you know what I mean? But like, I know this sounds like arrogance or whatever I'm just not not doing it. in it. Like if I'm going to Everest, I'm fucking doing Everest, do I mean? Ah yeah, there's no way I'd do that. Yeah. Life, you know what I mean? I want to live.

I think the idea of, I'd be that dick that would go through that kumbu ice for, whatever it is. So, I'd do, Everest. Would you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Didn't fancy kill you. No, I didn't fancy killie, but you're not doing bait now, aren't you? I'm not doing base camp. I'm going right to the top. Do K2 in the afternoon.

I do something else where we actually do it, but get an halfway there and then going, right, let's go and have a pint, I just think, Nah. Yeah. There was a guy came as I was coming down he was coming up

but he was doing it with one leg and crutches as like a charity thing and I found that mental like the idea of people going I've checked out of this I'm like

one leg insane. It's one of those things like when I ever I see someone with like true adversity like that and they like

get this like need to overcome it I'm just like you've just been given an absolute fast past to sitting down there do I mean like just

Antwarton Towers do you know what I mean just chill out That's just sit in down. Like, you can just chill out. You're allowed. Yeah? Yeah.

No one's going to judge you for doing fuck all all day. That's the only reason I do stuff is because other people will think I'm a fat knobbed. You know what? It's a great reason to do, Kelly. I'm a fat knobbed? Yeah. Well done.

You're the top goal scorer for Liverpool. You mentioned before this fellow trying to attack you, and it was because his kid's autistic. Is that because you were doing material about autism? I was doing material about. about parents that self-diagnosed the kids. And the joke was, I go like, even the autistic kids are like,

he's not one of us, right? And then the joke is about, like, did scale of all. Because I, like, I'd worked with, like, S-E-N kids as much as, like, kids thrown out of school. But it was mad when working in schools, the amount of hair. Just to be clear, for now this,

and you're a teacher. I was at TA. Yeah, yeah. So, like, all my stuff was, like, one-to-one. And, like, I had done sports coaching at uni in Liverpool, and that was, like, the route, effectively. It was like, but I was doing stand-up at the same time.

and it just worked because of the hours and all the rest of it. Yeah. But yeah, the amount of parents I was getting kind of pushing. And I get it because, you know, there's benefits and all the rest of that come with it. And some people, some kids genuinely are. But when it is, it's so prevalent effectively. When you talk about it on stage, teachers like, yes, I relate. And other people in the room do with this guy just saw it as like,

you're taking the piss out of my son. And he's pissed and he's heard like a trigger word. Yeah, yeah. And it's like it's so rare that I get that. I'm just not, I'm not controversial. You know what I mean? Yeah, when you first started saying that before, I was like, like, such an inoffensive presence on stage.

It's mad. But I've seen a couple of your clips, because it's interesting, really, about a year ago now, Dan was like, we should, like, at some point be looking to get Harry on because I think you've done his gig in Chester.

Yeah, in the gym. I got a few support slots for me as well on tour and stuff like. Yeah, which were fun. Yeah, he was like, and I think everyone's guilty of this. I remember you from when you first started, because you were based in Liverpool. Yeah. I got you a few gigs just giving me, like if I was getting paid to open or close a gig,

yeah. You'd off, I'd get you an open spot. We'd go together. We'd spend quite a lot of fucking times together. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I just hadn't seen you for years. And I was like, oh, okay, cool, I haven't seen Annie for ages. I'm sure I'll see him at some point and we'll figure it out. And then just recently, I've just seen a few of your clips come up.

And not only is your stand-up just got, and obviously it will have, because I haven't seen you since you were a literal open spot, but so much, like, just better and strong. I'm getting every way. I appreciate, man, thank you. But I've, some of your clips are just people being really antagonistic with you. Yeah. While you're being on stage, being really inoffensive. It's interesting because, like, I think, I don't know if it's just,

I don't know, the state that stand up's in at this moment in time. And I don't think that in a bad way. But, like, there are, I think audiences are a little bit more, because they're seeing crowdwork stuff, expecting a bit of that back and forth. But, like, I had a guy one time, the clip that got shared online was a guy shouting, do you know a joke, right?

Yeah, yeah. I was Compaire at this gig. It was a comedy store gig in Wellimbra, right? So it's like 400 seat of theatre packed out. Line up is Lindsay Santoro, Paul McCaffrey, and I can't think of that, but like mint line up. And obviously I'm Compaire,

so I'm out there for the first 10 minutes, just doing what a Compaer does. Where you're from? Chat, chat, chat. Going to have a great night, first act, Lindsay. I then go on after the second break. And as I'm chatting away,

that's when this dickhead shouts up and goes, do you know a joke? And in my head, because everyone was laughing, I was like, I don't think he fully. realises what my role is in this. And then I thought, that's not going to be funny to, like, explain. But then when I was trying to get in to, like, you know, come forward with it and we had the

back and forth, it was like puzzling because I was thinking, I've done material. Do you know what I mean? You might not see it as like, this is a joke coming at you because it's conversational. But at the same time, I was thinking, mate, you've got completely, again, the wrong end of the stick. But I had audience members, which I quite enjoy on my behalf, coming up to me after the show being like, I fucking spoke to me in the bathroom. And I'm like, don't do that.

just leave it. But when you put it out online, I had something like, I couldn't see him, I couldn't, you know, identify him in any way. But I, you know, took the piss saying,

like, you make you sound like you've had a divorce and all the rest of it. And when you post that, the comments that come afterwards is wild because you get people being like, oh, it must have really affected Harry because he's gone really personal.

Do you know what I mean? I've made assumptions on his character. I've got no idea what he looks like or where he lives. But, yeah, I find, like, on comment section, people love me or most of them fucking hate me. Yeah, but that's literally everyone, you know.

Yeah, I mean, the thing is, it's like, it doesn't bother me. It's very, like... You can call someone to a cunt and put your phone down. Do you know what I mean? It's like, it's just not the real world. No, not true. But, yeah, that clip in particular is one which I've had people be like, yeah, this dad needs to hang up, stand up all together,

and then other people being like, well done, Harry. Hope you do you doing well. Yeah, but you can't listen to people who don't know what the fucking talking about, you know what I mean? Yeah, exactly. Someone watching, you deal really well, by the way, with a fellow being a bell in from the audience and going, well.

Like the other day, that BBC breakfast thing, which we spoke about in the first half of today's episode, there's comments replying to the Twitter or that going, and this is why Live of the Apollo is being cancelled because comedians like him are on it and this isn't funny.

It's like, well, okay. I'm on the news. If you don't find someone getting three funny words into a conversation, quickly funny, first of all, I think you've got quite a boring life because that is just good,

honest, no harm, fun. Yeah. But also, that's not me at me peak, That's not me going, it's the greatest bit of stand-up I've never written on. I'm just being a dick to make me mates laugh, you fucking useless helmet cunt.

100%. 100%. But, yeah, I just think it's, it's a weird place that stand-ups in, in that sense, because, like, the amount of people now that watch comics online rather than going, like, to a club.

And it's not necessarily a bad thing, but again, it's just people's perception is, like, warped, but most people think I'm shite. So, you know what I mean? No, they don't. They don't, because you're just, you're hearing more from the people who think that than the people who like you.

Yeah. Because, and you're also focused more on it. So when you get a comment from someone going, this is great this, I bet you don't even think about it. It doesn't even end to you there for the day. But when you get one saying,

this fellow's fucking shite. I think he's gobshite. Like I ate his stuff. You then think about that and you see those more. And also people are just more willing to comment audible stuff than good stuff. Yeah. Well, I mean, like, the weird thing is like from working in the schools,

I've had, I used a different name when I worked in the schools altogether because obviously my second name is Tikini. difficult to spell and just pronouncing all that. So Mr. Cock. Mr. Cock. Yeah. So I went by Stax. That was me, that was me, Harry Stax.

Oh. That sounds like a fucking... In school. Yeah. With an ex. As a teacher. As a, when I was working... You and Mr. Stacks?

Mr. Stacks, yeah. And... And... But I just thought, easier for everybody. But I've had, like, I've seen comments on TikTok and stuff at being like,

fucking, oh, this is Mr. Stacks. You know what I mean? Or like, you used to be my math lessons and all the rest of it. So it's quite interesting. Most of it's lovely. Are you sure that wasn't just someone you went to school with?

No, no, no. This was, I had, I, I won't say his name. I had a kid who, he must be like 15 now, but this was a few years ago, sent me an email, right? Okay, which is wild

because he would have been like 11, right? Sent me an email of him, like his school photo, okay, with like a big watermark through it, and it just said, do you remember me? And I was like, yes, I do, and stop.

sending your pictures to people on the internet. Do you know what I mean? Because you don't want to get into a dialogue. Because like I heard you guys talk on another episode about how, I think you had a girlfriend that was a bit older. Like a, and basically when you meet someone and they're in a position of power, it's like,

it's not that I'm fucking angling for that at all, but it's just, it's murky, it gets murky quite quickly. So that's why I use the different name. But more so, and it's going to happen in the next few years because they're getting older

and they're getting access to social media. They're starting to like find different things. But one lad that I worked with who, like I was with for a couple of years, he actually got in touch and was like, I had no idea he were doing this. And I like worked with him really closely. So it was not positive.

But equally I'm like, we can't go for a pint. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you were a TA, but you were like, you were like a special TA. Yeah.

So it was like... S-E-N kids, but also the bad lads. Yeah, so it was like either kids that had been... So one lad I worked with had not been in education for like a long time. Basically, like, schools just wouldn't go near him.

and it was a case... He could only go to a school if he had a one-to-one. And I was that one-to-one. And I was interviewed with the head teacher in front of the lad. And like when you... It's mad because like...

When you read a... Effective, like a... It's like a rap sheet. You know what I mean? Before they walk in, you've got this idea of what this person's going to be. And then you walk in,

you're like, mate, you're a fucking 10-year-old. Do you know what I mean? There's nothing threatening about them at all. But they've obviously like... I think he kicked a head teacher in the bollocks at his last school. something. But honestly,

and then you've got to and then you've got to man mark him for the rest of his educational career. Cricket pads. Just fucking ready. But yeah, and it's,

when you're spending that amount of time with someone, you do develop a relationship. And I, I quite enjoyed that because at the same time, they don't see you, you're not,

you're not the mate, you're not the, and you're not necessarily like the figure of all authority. You're almost like emotional reasoning. Do you know what I mean? It's like,

there was one lad who just used, just strangle girls because they would be in his way, right? And I'd be like, do you see how that's just like not an effective way to kind of go through the day? And he'd be like, yeah, but she's in my way. And they'd be like, you're going to get them out the way then? No, no, just like, yeah. If you strangle them, they're going to drop there and then they're still in your way.

But it's interesting because like you get a snapshot of this kid for six hours and you've got no idea what happens when they go home because obviously family life, family life. But like I worked with a lad who's at 10 years old, his favorite comedian was Bernard Manning. And you're like, that is wild. You know what I mean?

And he's like, can I tell you a joke? I'm like, absolutely not. But if you're available in Wellingborough. Yeah, exactly. But yeah,

so it was one to one with like, loads of different types of kids, but it was mainly in like primary schools with kids that had either gone to Prue's and then come back. And then when I worked in Prue's, that was like, a Prue is a pupil referral unit. So it's like,

it's an alternative provision. And effectively you've got five kids, per classroom, three teachers. And I've got loads of stand up about this. But like the first day I went into one and obviously I can't ever say names and places, but like it was in Manchester. Yeah, it's fucking loads in Manchester.

And his name is John Aldridge. But I... John Aldridge. I, um... I, I, I, I, I, you, and when you do this, you're going in as like a supply. Right, like you're, you're not a consistent figure in that school.

So it's like you're just like loaned out for a couple of days. And I go to this place and I'm told, right, you're going to be working in the red room. And I'm like... Sounds sexy. Yeah, well, yeah, I thought it was. But it's effectively like, it's like solitary confinement within the school. So if you've had a bad day, you go into this room. And I was in there with two kids, one of which was, yeah, I can't say a.

but she used to knock on doors with the red. Right, okay, that was, that was her mean of communication. And I've, obviously, I've got like no idea. And her name was Ian Rush. Yeah, Mark Hughes. But I've got no background on this kid. I'm just being told, like, you're going in and you're going to help them do. I think they were doing like art or something like that.

So it was like a fun activity. Do you know what I mean? Just like just a bit of colouring in. And I waltz into the room and this girl, she must have been about 13, just without even kind of a hello, just look to me. She went, your forehead is fucking massive. And I was... It'll be great for knocking on doors.

No, no talent when I see it. We can be a team! But when you're in that situation, it's like, I was, I made a joke, right? I said, makes up 90% of me, just like, as a laugh. And she, with quick as a flash, she went, yeah, and the other 10% of cunt. And, like, you're just like, I've got no idea what to say back to that. And we're sitting down to do some drawing.

And it was, like, as simple as, right, we're going to start colouring stuff in. But I was fully expecting him to just be engaged in the thing. But, you know, pens start going everywhere. And you've got, like, two kids either side of a room, which effectively have to be, they can't go anywhere else because everything's kind of locked down. And you're just in there. And it, like, your level of stress when you're with a kid. kid that you're like, they might put me through a window.

You know what I mean? As much as like they might jump out the window. And there's pens going around everywhere. But at the end of the day, you have to go and give a report like to parents and stuff like that. And yeah, you can see some parents that have got a lot on the plate and it's quite difficult. And then are the ones where they're just like, you're the problem. And it's like, ah.

So, you know. Jesus. Before we go into our break, you are literally as soon as we're finished here, you're getting straight in the car and driving to the Edinburgh fringe. Indeed, yeah. And after the fringe, you go and, on tour, you're coming to Liverpool, you've got a date in Leeds as well. Yeah.

But you've got, you've got dates all over the place. Yeah, all over. And they are at... They're on my website, harris-dikini.com. What date is the Liverpool date? The Liverpool date, I think, is the 19th of November. One watch, Horace. 21st to November. There we go.

Where's the 19th? Does that Leeds? That's Leeds. There you go. But yeah, 21st to November. And we're 50% sold, which is great. What? Teddy's about off the back of Dan's recommendation. So, yeah, it'd be good. Tickets to selling, which is nice. and the Edinburgh of Fringe run will just be enjoyable but yeah

if I can get the sellout run I'd be buzzing but please do come and see it on tour because it is a good show no teacher stuff though unfortunately Wow Let's have a little break

Hello Are your stomach talking again Hello Let's do some have words You're going to do these lines He's happy What are they playing now Have a word

We're not worse. Okay, I'm the only one. We'll film the adverts after this. Right, right, right. You can do an advert with us if you want. Are you a bit deaf? No. Why?

Do I sound it? Have you had your hearing tested? Apparently it's really important. And apparently, yeah. They said the best hearing ever. They probably said some sort of medical marvel. I felt like I had like a bit of a weakness in me left here. And they were like, look, we've checked.

Lefty doesn't want it. We've checked and yeah, you're fine. Don't worry about that. But that eyesight. So here's the thing. When I was a kid I needed glasses and I hated wearing my glasses because it sort of magnified my eye

because that's what glasses do. So it made me eye more obvious that it was fucked. At least that's how I felt. So I went to my next opposition appointment and while the opposition was checking like the fucking draws for whatever.

I memorized the whole board. And then she's like, right, can you read the bottom line? And I'm like, fucking writer can. B, C, D, fuck you, right? And she's like, if it's just the alphabet, that's kind of easy. BCD, fuck you. BCD is, you know, in order. So go on.

Oh, it is, yeah. I actually meant to mix that up and I failed. That's interesting. So she was like, yeah, you're 20-20 vision. You don't need to wear your glasses anymore. And I was like, class. And then a couple of years. years ago I went and got tested and I've got a very, very, very slight stigmatism in the left eye.

Right. So she gave me glasses to, she was like, if you ever get tired when you're driving, you might when I put them on. And I wore them on one episode of this with, and paired it with a red cardigan. And you got slated. Wait, were those real glasses? Oh, I thought they had no frames. Yeah, I thought they were like.

No, they were real and you mocked him. Yeah. Happy now, guys. So I imagine, I imagine you picked a nice set of frames. They were Raybans, yeah Right, and they're just I already had them as sunglasses And I went in and I went

No, I went, can I have these again But with me glasses, glasses in And they went, we can do that for you And remember Dennis Taylor? Yes, wow, yeah, wow Flip them around Good one in a waistcoat. Big, big, big, Deirdre Barlow's.

Were they, like a black frame Or like wire? Do you know what I mean? Like a thin. I got two, but the black frame. Yeah, about two kilograms is a black frame. It's quite heavy on the nose.

It's a lunt. And they're available now on Vinted. Yeah. With Byers protection. Are they still in the attic? I put off wearing glasses for ages. But yeah, I got so used to wearing them when I was driving

that now if I take them off, it's just like completely fucked. But I prefer myself with glasses personally. Do you wear contact? Can we have a look at you without the glasses? Who? I think you suit the glasses. I think it suits your vibe.

Well, thank you. Yeah, yeah. I, I, I, uh, it's distance for me. It's like, I can't, I know that that poster says Carl on it, but he's tall dates. I can't, I got no fucking idea what they. Put it back on. It breaks up your massive forehead as well. Can you read the sword dates from there, though? Do you know where if you read them from there?

Yeah, actually it's tall date. It's with my glasses on, yeah. Oh, I can't with my glasses on. Um, but without, it's like, basically, I put them on and I realized that I can see the outline of cars and stuff like that. And I was like, I should probably wear these. So, um, no, not people who don't need glasses. We did this in like a fucking restaurant recently

and they were all like, what, you can't see that without your glasses. They're amazed by the fact that people can't. It's only when, like, people like you too, and I suppose you, like, tell me how much you struggle to see stuff that I realize I really don't need them. Yeah.

I mean, the thing is, I could probably, probably get away with it, but as I say, I'm so used to wearing them when I'm in the car that it's just like going from, this is like HD, do you know what I mean? So I'm just like, why, I want to see the outline of things.

It wants to be crisp. Take them off one more second for me. So there's a box of cereal up there next to a chortler wall. What's the name of that cereal? I can tell you it's orange. It is orange. Is that it?

Yeah. It's... Just the second word down. Is it fluffy? Yeah. Kind of, yeah. It is or it isn't? No, it's puffs.

Puffs. Right, okay. It's Reese's puffs. Reese's puffs. Right, okay. With them on? I can tell you the calorie content, mate. Right, okay.

Nice. Let's do some have words. This is a teaching related one. Cameron says, Wagwag Lids, I'm a teaching assistant. I've been on placement with this one older history teacher. He's in his 60s and is clearly fed up with the job. My issue is he's consistently phoning it in and sacking off actually teaching anything

to the detriment of the students. He'd either base his lessons, verbatim. His basis lesson verbatim off Wikipedia page of the Cuban Missile Crisis or on multiple occasions. He's just stuck on the film Valkyrie with Tom Cruise.

Wow. The events of the film doesn't even fall into what they're meant to be studying. We've just had GCSA exams and by the sound of it, most of the students didn't have a clue. So have a word with him

for lingering around and not retiring when he clearly doesn't want to be there. I would say it's a good film to put on for it's entertaining. Do you know what I mean? I love a World War II drama. And, yeah, if you're not going to learn,

you might as well not learn with Tom Cruise. 100%. Right. But my sister's a history teacher and uh yeah she uh i want to say she's head of year as well just another little one there's three teachers in our family um so yeah you do the one pardon you two the one uh both my brother-in-law's that's four then no so it's my sister and then my brother-in-yourself yeah no no no yeah um

it's all behind him my brother-in-law um luke littler went to his school um and obviously he's now luke the nuke but yeah he was never in apparently um just thrown up and throwing arrows. But this teacher here, effectively, that's a trainee that's basically fed up with this teacher, yeah? Yeah. This is, by the way,

I remember these teachers where you're like, you're fucking done. You are literally counting down the retirement. That was good when you had one of there. It was good when you were a kid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not good to work with them or if it's your children.

Hang on. Was there not teachers that were good at what they did? I remember a few teachers. We used to bulls. off them because they were class. Yeah, yeah, but there's both ends of the spectrum, isn't there? There's the ones who were class at their job, who you actually learned something. There's the ones that were given up that would

just stick a film on where you could dick about for a hour. Okay, yeah, yeah. You don't want the whole day to be the guy who can't be asked, but at the same time it is nice to have a little bit of downtown. Downtown. Downtown. Suck him off. I'd suck him off. Can we

keep it on the fucking curriculum? I just this is in every industry. Is it any information of where this school is? No, they don't give that source. Plus it's an anonymous. This is every industry as well. This is like, you've seen,

I work with comics all the time. But my biggest fear is turning into the comic who's just there for the money, is just phoning it in, doesn't enjoy it, is just clogging up the circuit by being fucking beige. I'd quit,

I'd be gone, I'd do something else. There's no way I could be that. Having watched, you know, years, The comics where you're just like, mate, come on. It's lazy.

It's not good. They know it. And they're like, oh, so-and-so was really good back in the day. And then they just, for whatever reason, fell out of love with it. Like, lost the energy. Well, why? People just don't end up where they think they're going to end up. Well, yeah. I mean, I could speak to that in a sense of, I think, I agree with you.

But it's almost like you're playing to what's there. So, like, we had a conversation not so long ago about the fact, like, cruise ships. Like, I have never done so many cruise ships in the last two years. If someone said to me five years ago, you'd be doing cruise ships, I'd be like absolutely fucking not. Yeah, but that's also, there's been an industry change that like, unless you're a comet, you probably wouldn't have heard about.

But like P&O and all the big cruise companies have finally gone, hey, we need to change the tone of the live entertainment that we're using. Because their clientele aren't, they're getting, they're older, but they're, they're wanting something fresh, but like it is, it is,

there are, I suppose there are moments where you are, like, I've done cruise ships where, it's like you just have, I'm giving them exactly what they want. And if that is observations on Santorini, that is what you're getting. Because if I talk about anything that is either personal,

I did a joke about Jesus and I had an American woman on the front row, just look at me and she said, don't joke about Jesus. And your dad wasn't there to protect you. But you're just like, it's, I think quite like a sanitised environment

that you can be in when you're doing them type of shows. So like, that idea of phoning it in, yeah, I do think it's wrong. Yeah, but Harry, hang on. You are in a different,

position here. You've been doing stand at what, to like 10, 12, 12, 12, 30, yeah, it's going on 13. The trajectory's going up. Mate, I did gigs for the forces. I've done all sorts of gigs that, like, that wasn't the be all and end all, but the forces, they took you out to, like, Cyprus, they

gave you, like, 2,200 quid for a week, you played to some medic, you played to Paris, it wasn't great, but that set me up to not have to do jonglers Watford the next weekend. So you just have to make some decisions. I'm talking about the guys who are stuck, they're not going anywhere.

This isn't just stand-up I'm talking about. In life, this teacher, for instance. Oh, God, I've just got to... And the big clubs are stopped booking them. They can't sell tickets. They're just playing fucking stinky bins laugh closet. Sorry, Steve. What I would say to that is, I don't think them, them types of teachers are an issue.

Say if that school was a football club, right? Okay. And let's say they're a football club that's like top six. That teacher isn't necessarily an issue. because like whether they do well or not isn't going to impact if the school goes up or down on that table. But if you're like a relegation side school and you are fucking fighting, you want a James Milner. Do you know what I mean? And like this guy obviously isn't going to be box to box doing all of that.

Because I've worked with people who are, you know, the equivalent of like a James Milner thick and thin. Like I saw a lady get headbutted by another kid and she was like, I love my job. And I'm like. What not? She didn't say that directly afterwards though, did she? No, the bleeding of doors. Yeah. I love you guys.

Bring out to say it right now. What I love teaching. Check her meds. She's doing cocaine and school. Calm down. Let's learn, motherfucker. But there are people that,

you know, in the face of like an absolute shit show will be like, this is great. You know what I mean? The people that worked in Pruez were like, I much prefer this

rather than like a private school because this is entertaining. That's dull. But this guy, yeah, he does need to hang it up. The truth is, even though I've just bitched

about those guys, you can't change anything. You can't change anything. You can't. change what they're doing if they're getting booked or not. You can be the comic that you want to be and hopefully have an influence on the industry. So by the time you are older, that sort of culture has phased out. And I think that's the same for this trainee teacher. You can't get someone sacked. You don't know their sort of background and teaching their history of it. But what you can be

is a better teacher so that there's one more good egg that's going into their veteran phase in 25 years or whatever. For sure. One hundred percent. Start with the man in the mirror man. That's why, you know. Yeah. You know, listen to Michael Jackson every day before school. When it comes to kids, we need in school. Yeah, it's more Michael Jackson. You've knocked out of year four, I listen to beat it. It's the wrong stuff. Actually, when it comes to kids, Michael Jackson is the best pair up there with the best people

to listen to. It's very much as I say, not as I do things. Michael Jackson, yeah. Because he says, I don't fuck kids. And ABC. Yeah? Yeah. It's the alphabet. Easy's one, two, three. He says I don't fuck. Oh, yeah. He does, yeah. He says, I don't do it. I don't kiss them. I don't do anything.

We just, we get in bed and we have a little nap. Yeah. That's fine. Doesn't matter if you're kids. Safe children. Children are great. So I have a sleep over with them. All of his words about children.

There's no one better to listen to about children than Michael Jackson. Anonymous. High lids. I've got to have a word for you. I work as a dental nurse and I'd like to have a word with my computer illiterate dentist. He brings his. personal laptop to work and doesn't realize that he keeps syncing his Google drive to all of the work computers. His full search history is now on display on every computer in the practice,

and there's now a load of porn sites listed in our favorite tabs. I've never had a problem with men watching porn, but he's proper two-finger typeer, and every time he slowly types porcelain crown on the internet to show a patient, my heart drops into my ass. Should I have the most embarrassing conversation possible with my boss, or state a Make quiet and keep unlinking the account every time it springs back up. Unfortunately, I don't have any male colleagues to help break the news and soften the blow. Cheers. P.S. If you're wondering what kind, it's predominantly BBC. Initially thought this was weird for a white male, but who am I to judge whatever tickles his turnips?

It's not unusual for a white male to be into BBC. I... I'm guessing this is a private practice. It's not an NHS dentist. I mean, could be, yeah. you'd hope so. You'd be gutted if you had to wait to get on a waiting list for them. Do you know what I mean?

Six months I've been waiting for this fella to finish his wank. I think she needs to stop looking at her. But it's on the work system though. Yeah, but you don't want to see fucking dentist drills assistant before patients arrive in the morning. I think you're,

the soft blow to that is sending an email which is, FYI, don't know if you realise, but you're synced up and yeah, your history is on show. Wait until he's, searches for something that's really innocuous. So, like, when he searches, you know,

how to cook bread in a conventional oven, right? To show a patient. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then you go, by the way, your searches, and, you know, you've only searched for bread there, haven't you? But we'd be able to get all your searches now, so maybe you want to unsink it. Or you get him for Secret's answer,

and then you get him something that references what he's watching. And then he's like, how did you know? And it's like... A big black cock, had it? Yeah. Yeah. A picture of one. How did you know?

Got it is? I like blacks on blondes four. Which is one of their best ones, actually. Is it? Yeah. Did you take it? I think a dentist porn's filmed with the little camera that you stick inside the mouth.

I reckon so. I don't think I've ever seen any dentist porn. I reckon people are scared of the dentist, aren't they? I think we all know we're going to have a joint adventure, Lathan, aren't we? You're not. Because also like patients are good at garden.

As long as an own pleasure, pleasure myself. Patience. Hang on. Sorry, dentists are good at gardening. No. Patients are good at gargling. Dentists are you good at gardening.

Right. Ying and yang. Yeah. They work there. Yeah. What are you into? You're just watching people spitz. Harry, Adam's on a porn hiatus.

Did you have a problem? What do you call that? I don't think so. So what's the hiatus? Just trying to cleanse myself for a month. Oh, right. Okay. Been in my skin care as well.

It all helps. Yeah. And when did you, so you, did you start of August? Yeah. Right. So we're five days in? Yeah. Yeah.

And how are you feeling? Good, I suppose. Yeah? I've been quite productive. I've got a lot done in the last five days. But would you say was it eating into time? Like, do you know when you see your screen time on your phone? Yeah.

What would the equivalent be? I mean, I can sort myself out quite quickly, to be honest with you. Right. I don't normally need the full video. Do I mean? Right. What I tend to do is watch the first like 30 seconds to a minute, understand the characters.

Get the narrative. And then skip to the last 90 seconds. She's a blonde. We know what he is. Cuck up. Also, this is strawberry blonde. Next video.

I just, like, I need to know why the shagging. I get that. I need to know what, like, do you know what I mean?

We can't just go straight into, like, I just need a bit of story. Do I mean? Yeah. And then as soon as I've got that, come on a face. Have you ever skipped forward

and there's been like a twist that you feel like you've missed? So you're like, oh, sometimes there's another character comes in. Yeah. Do I mean?

Sometimes you're going on. Who's this? Yeah, yeah. Like when you miss a couple of episodes of Coddy and you're like, there's a new barlow. Right, I'm going to get up. I'm just going to have a look at dentist. I wish you all the best on the rest of your abstaining. Yeah.

We missed us away this week as well. So, you know, we're in the trenches right now. Just to back my point up, that's my homepage. A lot of bleak, Nick. Jesus Christ. I know, yeah. What website's this? FAP house, it's quality.

FAP house? Who's not... You can tell he's earning him or one of his properties is a fap house? Have you just logged on to a profile there, Dan? Do you have an account? Do you have an account? No, I mean, it's... He's got 20 notifications.

Do you leave calm? I'm not even messing it. He's got 20. People want to get in touch. Do you leave comments? Oh, wow. Likes on the comments or what? What's the...

You have a comment, done a porn video then? No, I swear to God, not in my life. But this keeps telling you. me that my, he's like, well done. Your 27 week continues. Oh, your streak. Like the gilolingo thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It notified you going, we miss you today. I don't have a wank. But I'm gutted because I didn't take, I didn't use this in, my streak's broken because of family holiday. Do you just have to log in? Why? Do you just have to log in for the streak?

Or do you have to actually come? Is it like weirdly? If you don't finish it, then you don't get the thing. That is absolutely crackers. There's, yeah, dental ponds, I think. Okay. Could. I regret bringing that up. I think there is, it's, you can get,

it's a spectrum in it, and the spectrum is very broad these days. So, you know, fill your boots, just look after each other. That's why I think. I've really fucked my brain for podcasting. I've seen too many. Too many videos. I've seen too many black cocks. Is there loads of black cock in the dentist porn?

Or was that just, that was Dan's homepage? Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. Because it knows what I like. Very racist. Not one black dick in the dental porn. I don't think I've ever known a black dentist. Other than actually the dentist who made

as his business partner in Brooklyn 9-9. Oh yeah. Dr. Dre used to dress up as a dentist when he was DJing. Harry, I knew this is how your episode would end. Yeah, I'm enjoying it. I had a sense even before we'd started, this is how it had. We're off the fairway, for sure.

Ladies and Jen There's no fair It's all rough Holloway It's not a much Roughs and bunkers mate Go and see Harry on tour

He's in Liverpool on the 21st of November And Leads on the 19th A whole load of shows around that And also the Edinburgh Festival Which are about to drive to immediately We are yeah We've got three shows

So my show Sean Goff And then killer comedy club So there's plenty of stuff To go and see So yeah Please if you are up there come.

Next weekend, I am in Dublin on Saturday the 15th, and I'm in Belfast on Sunday the 16th. There's a few tickets left of those. It's me and Ishan and Mark Nelson, and then Dan Nightingale and Friends starts, and we'll be running for a while. I'm going to do a few pop-up shows throughout August on like a day or two's notice, mainly around the northwest, I'd imagine. I'm going to try and do a Leeds one, because I haven't got a Leeds tour date. what I will say is the tour dates I've got on sale

between now and the end of the year. Other than maybe one exception, I think they're going to be all of the tour shows. So if you're waiting around for like a proper lead store date or something like that, it's probably not going to happen at this stage just because of the plans we've now got for next year and just how busy I am between now and the end of the year.

The shows I've got in, the tickets that are on sale, they are the tickets, they are the shows. Adam Rodeocom.com. at UK. We've added second dates already in Liverpool and London. There might be a second Manchester at the Opera House, depending on whether the Opera House sells out in the next month or so, but we'll see.

And for those lids asking, Carl's first stand-up will be announced very soon. Let's say when he gets back. Is he doing 10 minutes? He's doing, yeah. Yeah. There's a whole show built around it, and it will be announced and on sale soon.

Nice. It's happening. That's a podcast, Harry's Ticini. Doing any songs already soon? Yeah, there's a gig coming and an announcement, but that's not finalised yet. Okay, there you go. Fucking wait.

Love your lids. Thanks, Harry. Thank you very much having me on. But... Missed it. Mathily.