Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #396 with Kyla Cobbler - Have A Word w/Adam, Dan & Carl

Episode Date: August 29, 2026

Tickets, merch and loads more available on our website! https://haveawordpod.comTickets for Have A Word Live shows as well as Adam and Dan's tours and previews:Adam's Tickets: https://www.adamrowe.co.ukDan's Tickets: https://dannightingale.comCarl's Stream || https://twitch.tv/senseicarl_Finnlay K FINAL GIG TICKETS || https://www.skiddle.com/whats-on/Liverpool/Jacaranda-Baltic/Finnlay-K-Farewell-Show/42670455/Film Club Live 9th September || https://plazacinema.org.uk/PlazaCinemaLiverpool.dll/Booking?Booking=TSelectItems.waSelectItemsPrompt.TcsWebMenuItem_0.TcsWebTab_0.TcsPerformance_24652102.TcsSection_1791Finnlay K - Whole Again: https://FinnlayK.lnk.to/WHOLEAGAINLIVEAs Adam and Dan said, don't miss out on all of our extra content, we've got one of the best value Patreons in the game. An extra 90+ minute episode every week plus loads of bonus content such as the now infamous Lockdown Lock-ins, the Nashville & Amsterdam specials and our Ghost Hunts! What are you waiting for? Sign up now at https://patreon.com/haveawordpod​Get subscribed to Have A Word Highlights: https://youtube.com/haveawordhighlightsThanks to this week's sponsors:Hello Fresh | https://www.hellofresh.co.uk/50HAWPODClick the link to enjoy an exclusive offer of 50% off your first box, along with a 20% discount for the next 4 boxes plus free treats (including fruit bundles) for 2 months. Alternatively, you can use our code 50HAWPOD. This special offer is available for new customers as well as those who cancelled their subscription twelve months ago or more.NordVPN | https://nordvpn.com/haveawordEXCLUSIVE NordVPN Deal ➼ https://nordvpn.com/haveaword Try it risk-free now with a 30-day money-back guaranteeLovehoney | https://lovehoney.co/word_podcastLove how you love and take 20% off sitewide to unlock sexual happiness and discover a happier you with promo code: AFF-WORD20Saily | https://saily.com/haveawordDownload SAILY in your app store and use our code HAVEAWORD at checkout to get an exclusive 15% off your first purchase or go to https://saily.com/haveaword 🌍HexClad | https://hexclad.co.uk/word10Upgrade your kitchen. Up to 40% off site wide!ADAM ROWE and DAN NIGHTINGALE are two award winning comedians from Liverpool & Preston, respectively. They are two of the UK's most highly regarded stand-ups and have both performed all over the world. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello everyone, Dan and Harry. And me. Before we start this excellent episode of the Have a Word podcast, got to tell you about our Patreon. If you've never signed up for Patreon, if you just listen or watch the public episodes, you'll have gone, oh, I've heard dozens of these, hundreds of these.

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Wagwaglids, you're listening to the funniest podcast in the game. From the heart of Liverpool with Adam, Dan, Sensei Carl and Finn. This is the one and only. Have a word. This episode is brought to you by NordVPN. The very best in protecting your online activity. Go, Ed. Get on me. I've decided on my aesthetic.

in terms of clothing for the winter. Oh, God. That is so mad. Get in. That's how I was going to open the pod. I had to face of September or less. But Carl, the reason I was quiet before we recorded because I was going to go, Adam, it's concerning me.

We're nearly at the end of August. What is the autumn line looking like? That's made me six tonne. Which book is? Three six five. Is it autumnal Americana? Not quite. Fifty's, uh, Farmer.

Oklahoma Sheik. You're going in the right direction. Blue Jacket and hats. The Great Depression. The Great Depression. The Great Depression. Please, you've read Cardi's some glasses again. I had that on an ass.

I'm not all that's running. The gold rush. The gold rush. Have you seen Adam? He's got a pickax. Yeah, it's part of his new look. Here we go. Fisherman Sheik and Nautical Outaway.

Fuck off. Fuck up. That was 80 to 1. I wasn't going near that, mate. Rage baiting. Motherfucker. Bucketers have just made fucking till on that. Finn's new step.

One was a fisherman's chic. That's really nice. Nice. Thank you. Yeah, we've got one with nice, chunky, uh, is it white and blue stripes? That's all I've got in my head. A little bit of that.

Stripes are in. Fucking wears Wally. Uh, and obviously this is a Hardington jacket, which is traditionally British sportswear, but it shares some stuff with, uh, pieces. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Loads of fishermen wear polo Ralph Lauren. Do you want me to give you my dad's number? No, not that type of fisherman. No, he wants... Not fishermen. He wants genuine Ralph Leroux. Not real fishermen. Like people who have yachts and that.

That's what I'm going for. And... Oh, Billy knows. And, like, sort of... They're friends. People who own a fishing boat. But don't wear on one. Yeah, my dad don't want...

Oh, like, birds eye. Are you going for like, birds eye, she? Nice. I'm a CEO of a bird's eye for this winter. It's given Japanese trawler. Yeah? I wouldn't mind. Can't wait to see it.

It's like cable nits. I've got my eye on a couple of cable niche, yeah. Little waterproof. And there's a vintage Ralph Lauren jumper I want with a big cowboy on. Ralph, sorry, Ralph Lauren, not Loren. Our boy's in the sea. Yeah, because he's American, isn't he?

He's not from Paris. That's one that's not going to change for me. I'm like you are saying off for that. It's Ralph Lauren. It isn't. Like, you can keep saying it wrong as much as you want. I say Ralphie Lawrence. Wow.

Can't wait. I mean, I'm just looking forward to it. Dan, what are you going for this winter? Because I haven't really thought. Clothes? Yeah. Hats. Hats and clothes.

Hats. Topps. Jackets. Probably more huddies. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Shoes. Shoes. I go with shoes. Fought wear. Less. shorts, more. John's longer trousers.

And I used to say jeans, but, you know, not from Paris, so. Any beanie? I might bring a beanie back. Not that yellow one, I thought ridiculous in that. Is it? Yeah, all right, well, yeah. I rolled up beanies, like prime fishermen.

Yeah, of course it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's go wailing with Keelan. Can't wait. Can't wait. That was a lovely sentence to say. I just rub mackerel under my armpits. He smells.

He smells like the look. Yeah. Well. I would say fish of them as well, no. Huh? Let me say fish of them. Yeah. My dad's really onto that.

Yeah. It's not fish of man as there. It's fish of them. Why? Because there's women as well. I know. Do you know what I mean? Like police them.

Fire them. Who? Fire them. Fire them. Fire them. The women. You got to be more. Yeah. Should be gender and jobs anymore.

I think that's like that's not true I think the only one that where that's actually like a thing is actor yeah actresses actually a bit old hat yeah yeah yeah that cultural war thing is got pretty boring hasn't it? It's it's

apparently it's over it's not out of it's it's yeah I mean it's over to an extent isn't it I think the Democrats in America are trying to move away from it because they realize the sort of middle ground with the midterms coming up and then the presidential election is not going to be worn by going

actually these are my prone nouns. So the Republicans are hitting it pretty hard because that's where they think they can catch them out. That's a tricky line. Just call people what they want to be called and then do whatever you want when they're not around. Yeah, it's just...

That would literally just solve everything. Hey, I use these pronouns. Not a problem. I will call you them to your face. And also, there's much bigger issues, isn't there? There's much bigger issues. So don't let, like, those guys trap you in that fucking culture war chat. There's loads going on in the cost of living.

illegal wars, that'd be more important to talk about. But that's not a super... Fisherman chic. Sorry, that's too much. We need a dog sitter. Oh, we've got one. A fish of them's... Carl's going to go and boot his dog.

Oh, God. By the way, Carl, yes. I'm such a big fan of that. That was authority without raising your voice. I love it. I love seeing parents bollick the kids with restraint, with like volume restraint.

That was dog's bollas and you were there. That was a lot of voice. I know, but she loved it. I think she got the little twinge. Okay. I think this, you know, when you see a pair of like, my fuck there! He's fucking show you!

I just think there's no skill in that. You're ruining everyone's supermarket visit. I love that. Also, you're teaching them that you fight fire with fire, and sometimes they want that. Listen to me. Come here. I love it.

Just losing it without shouting. Even that's not right. Yeah, it's. I can assure you. My mom, could do that with a look. If I was doing that, you just look at your kid, and you go, listen, the way you're acting right now, is not going to get you what you want.

So shut up, but I'll kill you. There you go. There you go. So the tone hasn't changed, but the threat of death is there. You don't want other parents to hear it in the Tesco. I will fucking end your life, and I'll end my life.

I'll do a massive suicide on all of us, all right? And then everyone's dead. Is that way so? I'll put the fucking smarties back. We're not having them. All right. Or just let them up to smarties.

That works as well. Yeah. Like when kids are having tantrums, I don't know why most parents don't just let them have what they want. Because then people grow up to be dead cool, don't they? What do you mean? Usually then... You just go, right, you can have them now, but this won't work next time.

Yeah, that's how they learn. That's how they learn. Well, I've won this one, but I've probably lost the war. Tusha father. Thank you for not killing me. My mum, my siblings, and yourself in an ASDA. I went the Wiggin game on Saturday, and a fella got so angry at the football,

but he started punching himself. Sorry? I went the Wiggin game on Sazzy, and I fell got so angry at Wiggin'n against late orient that he started punching himself. Did you know, to spend time at your dad, though, in it?

My mental image of most League 1 wig and fixtures is there's at least eight people in the ground that are punching himself. Even the winning. I went with me brother's just bought season, his first ever season ticket that he's bought on his own.

Wow. And he was like, we've sat with the ultras. How much is the Wigan season ticket? Can I guess? 295 pounds. I said it should be no more than 150. League one?

League one? Yeah, no more than one. He's 60s. How much is? say? 295 quid. $345 pounds. How much for a 16 year old?

Oh, adult. Jesus. Uh, that's quite pleasant. Teenagers. 20 games? 130 quid. No, that's not bad. That's more like it.

20 games? League one. You could get a game if you tried out enough. That's, hang on. No, it's $15. It's 15 quid a game. This isn't me got. Carl's only because League one players.

No, I'm not. 15 quid a game's too much. Too rich. You want seven pound 50 for League one. Well, yeah, well, about the Cups when you play, the lower league, like, I'm going to Preston tonight, it's 20 quid. You're seeing the mighty, the mighty lambs? I'm sitting in the home end of Deepdale. North End?

North end. P&E. P&E. You've got to see mighty P&E. I'd say 250 tops. Two pounds 50? 250 for the season. Going into 300 pounds, 30 is wild for league one, sorry.

I was at the last game. 17 quid a game. It's fine. Yeah, as long as it's not 27. pounds because nothing's worth that. Carl, when he's 75, and he's definitely getting there, it's going to be lit up about the price of things.

You are such a like, it's red, bloody ridiculous. James gone. Elliot Dom, this is, $118 million. I fucking joke. I don't know. For half the price. What, Garpie out Bonn, Lahore? He's a kind of ass now, ain't he?

Anyway, we're getting off track. But Oscar's seat in the new state, he was like, I want to sit with the ultras. And he sat in, like, the. the orchestra of Wigan. What do the Wigan Ultras do? Well, this is the thing. There was two drums next to us

and a man with a kazoo. Is that it? Is that the whole? It was somewhere between a kazoo and a Voo Vizella. So there was like a kazzovizella. And how many songs you got? You got loads of songs? Yeah, we all live in a tub of margarine.

That's quite good. 17 pound the game. We don't have loads of player songs at the moment because all of our players are wank. you got Sue Perkins we've got Sue Perkins Sunny Perkins and we may as well be Sue Perkins

where's Sonny Perkins from I haven't got a clue Is he English? Yeah I think I got I got whole teams Pretty English I mean this is the I think Dan's saying

Is he? No but is he? Is he? Oh is he? Yeah, he's quiet He's a wide sunny I know I know a couple of white sunnies Bake-off

I wouldn't mind call it My child's sunny If I have a child Sunny row It got floated with Laura as an option. I declined. Is it sure if I eat him? Shiite.

My side of the family. Or is the lent to the Shiite Muslim side? If we ever buy property in Iraq, that will be important. I thought you were just going, it's shite. Shite. Also, I don't like it. Because it's shit. Sonny Perkins's auntie was in CSI, Miami.

No way. That, no, the season's thing is worth it. When Wiggin were going bus and I was 18 and I was doing all the investment. of journalism. There was a fella who lived in Asia who was helping me and the Wigan fans of small sections

the Wigan fans collectively called us C.S. Pi. It's really good wordplay. Yeah, it's good, isn't it? I went to the last ever game at Deepdale for the mighty P&E when they ripped

up the artificial turf. Is this Deepdale too? I would guess that this is about 1988, 1989, 1990. No, Preston built a new stadium last year. It's 120,000 seats, in it?

Fucking hell! They've got a super dome. Highlighting the oldman? They had an artificial pitch in the 80s. Oh, so you mean like... The set playoff semi-final that they won, this is my memory, we're on the,

in the town end. To Tom Finney? And what year is this? I guess it's 91, 92. They, as soon as the final whistle went, everyone ran on the pitch and just ripped up a bit of the turf to take home as a memento.

Do you have the only one still got to? That's that. Yeah. That had been about 10, 15,000 people on, I reckon. Was it 1989? Keep it for them. Is that about right? Is that when...

1989 they were in the playoff final. Oh, wait. Sorry. Against Torquay. Sounds right. 93, 94. And then everyone ran on the pitch. I don't, I don't know that bit.

93, 94. They won 4-1. Yeah. Yeah. Preston say goodbye to the plastic pitch. Yeah, it's talking. Andy Sallel. Oh, well, it's plastic, then they will still have it, yeah,

because you don't have to water it. Oh, sorry, do you think they just went on to get a bit of grass and have it? Do you do that, don't do that, don't it? I mean, that is, that'd be bad if in your playoff semi-final, everyone ran up and just attacked the fucking pitch. No, if you got, like, the cop-end penalty spot if they ever rip up onfield, you'd have that, you'd have that, you'd keep that for your life if you looked at. You put it in the garden, just plants it.

I'd keep it until it died when I forgot about it because I didn't. Would you not have to take a shovel? How were you getting that? Just put your hands in your hands. Yeah, but then you're just getting a clump of grass in your hands. Yeah. What would you want? I thought you want the bit of mud with it.

But if you're robbing it. All right. Also, if Remy pisses on it. I know, it's female dogs that fuck up lawns, isn't it? It's bitches. It's always women. It's bitches that fuck up lawns. Do they?

Female dogs, pissing on your lawn. Toxic Pee-P. I mean, Remies is not like, environmentally friendly. The balcony stinks. Yeah. Speaking of a witch, rest and peace, Dolly Parton. Wow.

Speaking of which? Smooth. I was talking about dog tits and you were like, oh yeah, Dolly Parton. Speaking of bitches, how did he killed her? I've had so many messages. Hundreds of messages asking how I killed her. And asking if Bruno Mars is going to have to do two nights.

We were one of the last, I reckon we were one of the last broadcast. of speaks to say. Is he allowed a repick like we do with the Deadpool? I think people... No, we don't want to lose another international treasure

because Harry fucking killed herself. At the moment, I think I'm winning the Deadpool on goal difference. Put Diddy on, Harry? Put Diddy on? Put Diddy on? Put Diddy on? People call me the new Aaron Ramsey.

So we'll just have to see what happens to the Monumenthal. What are we going to do if one of Harry's Deadpool pick ends up headlining last and bring? Who are your headline? Who are your deadpool picks? um, ooh,

was one of them, Christopher Biggins? It's, man, how we all forget it? We have to get reminded on Twitter. Harry, your Deadpool picks were, oh, I would love if any of these headline Glastonbury, to be fair. Caitlin Jenner,

Mr. Tumble, and Lawrence Fox. Mr. Tumble could headline Glastonbury. Like one of those super groups they put together in the X Factor. Like, we're not putting your old through, but the Lawrence Fox Mr. Tumble.

I think in 20 years, when all, the kids, Mr. Tumble kids are older, he could do like a small stage at Glastonbury. He could do Sunday like early afternoon. I remember the Lancashire Hot Pots do that sort of thing. I remember seeing Mr. Motivator at a music festival. Yeah. Because it was like, oh, it's like retro.

Was he just there or he was doing a set? Oh, he's on. He's on. Yeah. It's like doing like that. You know, the first afternoon? What's the festival in East Lancashire that there's comedy at? Creamfield.

Has there ever been comedy at Creamfield? It feels like nearly every music festival has a comedy turn. Surely not. Surely not. That would be wild. I don't know what festival you're talking about. I can't seem to find it. I've put Lancashire Festival in.

I don't know where it is. My mum goes through all those ones. Do you mean East Lancashire is in like Yorkshire? Do you mean Leeds Festival? I'm going to tell you this. And I know you didn't really... I don't know if you were trying to piss me off, but that will piss me.

If you ever say, you don't mean East Lancashire, you mean Yorkshire. I meant Eastland. I meant east of that beautiful county. So where... Name a town in East Lancashire. Blackburn.

Clitherow. Oh, the big Clitherow festival. Sorry, I forgot. Burnley. Rams Bottom. Shout out. My mum goes in... Because they've got her camper van.

They go to all those. Because she's on about living in a Winnebago at the moment. Like, she's on about selling the house You're thinking of living on a plane? Has she done it though? Because I feel like a lot of people in their middle ages that coming towards retirement go, do you know what?

Campavan for us and then we'll just go round Europe and then they do it and they go and we don't like campavans, we'll stay at home. For ages it was going to be a canal boat and I'm just glad she's meant for that because there's too many paed if I was on canals. What? So why is your mum at risk?

She's a grown-ass woman. And what you mean is too? I kind of touched on this with Jake. loads of paedophiles in the canals. They all hide on the canals. I live on canal boats. Okay, leave them there then. I don't want me mum mingling with paedophiles on canals.

Waterborne paedophiles. How is she mingling with them? Hello? What are you worried about the paedophilia rubbing on for something? She's not going to get nuts. I don't know. I don't want her to fall in the wrong crowd. Yeah.

On a canal boat. Do you help me dock? And it's a pedophile. It's bang out of order. Did you dock him with a child? Yeah, exactly. Oh, nice. Whereas, like, Winnebago's just seems safer.

Surely, like, if your mum's a good person, they're getting in with the paedophiles, they might eventually, like, you know, let her know. Maybe after a few drinks, like, oh, I love fucking a kiddo to me. And then she can tell the police? Two drinks. Can she not use her training in that?

Well, yeah, she's a hypnotherapist. She's old, sober. I'm a pedophile. Can you hypnotize pedophilia out of someone? I reckon you can hypnotize smoking. You can hypnotize the truth out to someone. Corks off children, yeah. Yeah, you can hypnotize them and be like,

are you a nonce? You know, like, yes, I am. This is a confabular memory. Are you a ghost as well? But she doesn't hypnotize them with a tits, does she? She could. Because we've said hypno-tits and now I genuinely... Yeah, but that's just because she went the pub and some fella called a hypno-tits.

Right. Which is stemmed from par-poir-o tits. All tits are hypnotising. But, uh... Jim. Play the jingle. Smurts. Have you had it?

Harry? Have you been busy, Harry? You've been up too much? Uh, I got my car valet the other day. Nice. Is it your ass, Ian? I don't know some Romanian fellas. did it.

Did you go to him? Yeah, we went to, we went to the Romanian fella. Definitely, that's playing. Anything else going on? And then, I proposed earlier on Monday.

She said yes? She did say, yes. You know what? She was a bit delayed. I didn't like the thinking time. Do you know what I mean? What do you mean?

Not thinking time. I don't think she got the words out, but I was like. Fucking only go. What? What words? Yes. It just has one syllable.

Yes. She went to VAR for the decision. Not VAR. But I think she was, like, crying a lot. She didn't say... A fucking woman, man. When I asked her, she said, ask me again later.

Like a pretty far. Like a pop-up on your laptop. Do the update later on. Hang on. But she said, can I have my ring now? When I asked her the first time in the boat, sorry to fucking chuck on your phone. Shut up, Harrow.

You know, stupid. She said, I can't see it. Asked me again later. Yeah. And she, she went, I can't see the ring. And then taking the piss, went, you'll have to ask me again later. I can't see the ring.

Because we were in a boat. Oh, right. I thought it was a little dig. I can't tell you a little thing. He got the binocular. I was trying to wait like two hours and that's going to get. Anyway, Harry, on Monday. You, on Monday, we were trying to sort of encourage you to talk about it

because then you were doing it Monday night and we all knew. Yeah. And we were like, this won't be out until Wednesday, so it'll be done by then. But you were a bit hesitant. But we wanted to talk about your plan. Yeah. You did a really romantic plan. Yeah.

You put a lot of effort and a lot of thought into it. but then in the plan, Carl found a couple of holes in the plan that we wanted to talk about. Absolutely. So I think maybe start from your plan. Yes, we'll pick the holes. And then once you've told us the plan,

you could tell us how the plan went. I mean, to be fair, I may as well tell the story and then you just jump in and go... Go on. This is a Monday night proposal. Monday night, which she always told me I'd love to get married on a Monday.

I'd love to get engaged on a Monday because then I can go into work can be like, fucking look at this. So I've always added in my mind. Like, why would, that also works on a, just not a Friday?

She specifically said Monday and then I ended up doing Monday. A while ago though. Age. So basically, you've got to really go back. I've basically emotionally manipulated Ellie for about a year. Yeah, we know. To, to make it a surprise.

Because otherwise I should be, because otherwise I should be onto it. So I've had this ring since January. maybe I was I mean in Tanzania I was gonna buy Tanzanite to put in the ring and then I realized you can't get Tanzan like that small to go on like the sides of it anyway um so I ages ago I was like I'll pay for your nails every other month and that I knew it'd line up with you're on the tools maybe screwdriver and I knew it'd line up with August because you've been doing these dress like fans almost like dressed up date night so we had one posh date night ages ago where we went out to Gino de Campo restaurant and I popped a vibrator up her. And I was like, we haven't done that in ages. Hang on, when did that go? Before

you left the house. Pre-allegations or? Yeah, pre-allegations for Gino. Yeah. Do you know what? Does he get allegations? Oh, Gino's done. Something about his Namb being a bike or something. Yeah. I love her. That.

Is he a bit? Gino's done. Is he? And we'll ask because he was on a row. So it was the ones you're most expecting? Yeah. Oh. But we had a posh date night then where we got a hotel

and up and stuff like that. And then the vibrator went... You love a hotel. The Bluetooth didn't connect with the vibrator and it went AWOL a bit. So we didn't do it for ages. AWOL or ANO? How do you told me?

We went underground to a cocktail place. I think I've told us that we're... And it didn't connect. I couldn't turn it off. And I was like, baby pussy's gone AWOL. Did she put her up for us? No, it was in Fanny. Oh, right.

And... Back to the proposal. She's going to love showing her family, but this is the prepalance. We went to... So then she took me out for post-anniversary or whatever And I was like, where she was like,

we should do posh day nights again. I'll plan the next one knowing I could just push it for ages until this date night. Because I wanted to do it in a cinema, but we go to the cinema and like, come stay like trackies and that. Do I mean? Why? Not always comes staying,

but like, Do I mean like, what if you can't find your cum stay in trackies? I'll have to go for some clean ones then. Um, so it's like, normally quite chill. So I was like, let's dress up, but then go to the cinema.

And our favourite films were when I remit Salih. So I put in a word with Matt at the plaza and Crosby. I was like, our... The cinema that you guys do film club act, that we did the Kilimanjaro special. Like, they've now got a connection there. Yeah. You spoke to them and was like, I want to do this. Would you do a screening of our favourite film?

Yeah, but I had to sell it to Ellie that it was like, they've just put it on sale. Let's hope no, no, no, beds turn up kind of thing. Months in advance. But then because I was doing all this, like, pre-plan, of like the nails. We went to London and apparently she told her mum, she was convinced I was going to propose her in London. And a song went off that I was going to use for the proposal.

So I was having a nice moment with her. And she was convinced I was going to go like on one knee next to some Paraguayans. And it didn't happen. So she went home and she was like, she was like, oh, he didn't propose. So then she just thought it wasn't going to happen. Great. That's exactly what you want.

Just gaslighting. It's sick. And then. Gaslighting's good when you're using it for positive things. It's only when you're trying to break. someone's mental state so you can abuse them that it's a negative. I want to be gaslit when I'm like, do I look all right? I want Laura to be like, yeah, baby look fucking great.

Even if I don't gaslight me, I want to feel good. Yeah. So, I mean, even the planning with the ring, like, you lads very kindly planned it where you've got your misses to go, oh, well, you know, it'd be good to get our rings measured for the future. Let's all go for bottomless brunch. But really it was a ruse. And I don't think Ellie knows this yet.

It was just a ruse to get early to get her finger measured. Yeah, I spoke to Alex. I was like, because obviously, Once we got news the other night, Ellie put in the have a word wags group, which is a real WhatsApp group that actually exists. And I was like talking about like how happy she was and all that. And I was like,

does she know about, and she was like, I don't think she does. Yeah, but you told us the end of last year that you were planning this? Yeah, it would have been the end of last year and then just sat on it for age and needs to find a time,

needs to speak to the cinema. And you asked us initially, you were like, don't tell anyone because I want to keep it in house. And then we suggest that maybe if we, We told the girls they could do it. Do you know what? We should all go and get measured for when the lads actually pull the fucking finger out

the ass and get this done. But it was all a ruse to get Ellie's measurements. This is the thing. They went out and got the fingers measured. Ellie came back and was like, oh, do you get your ring size? And she went, yeah, but it didn't fit. I just kind of went, yeah, that's fine. I went, what do you mean?

She was like, oh, well, like I was a, say it was a P. She was like, I got a P, but, you know, it was too tight, but I was too awkward to tell the man that it didn't fit. I just kind of left. And I went, okay. And then the next day I was like, let's get your finger measured.

Because I was like, I have to rip the plaster off now. Because if I ask a week before I'm planning to propose or whatever, or when the rig, it then looks suspicious, which now makes sense to an hour. But yeah. And then whatever,

sat on it for ages, had this date night coming up, convinced that, oh, let's get dressed up. We went to a Mexican and I wore a white top, which, that was ridiculous. So this is the thing.

So I bought a load of dark shirts to go with my brown pants and my brown shoes. And I was like, because I had these brown pants I was like, these are posh back and wear them in the cinema. I was like,

that's as posh as I can get away with this date night. And then she was like, all those brown shirts are shit. Wear this white top. I went, sick, yeah? Just wear a white top. And then we went out for Mexican and I got just pure,

just basically a bowl of guacamole. Clever. I know. I ate a quarter of the meal. and they went, you know what, I'm full. But really it was because I didn't trust myself. I'd already dropped darkery on the floor. And I was like, this is going to end one way.

Do you ever finish the whole meal? Like, you'd eaten it all? Yeah, there was one. When would we go out and we all look? There was one. We all. No, it was recently. We all went out and we all looked at each other around the table.

He's going to spill something here. And I didn't. Pasta Costa. We went to past the coaster. We had a white t-shirt on and we all went. No, but I drank. my coke, put the can down, the drinks splashed in the can and went all up on my face. Yeah, that's wipeable.

But that was bad. Like, because a lot of times in recent date nights as well, I've been going out and I've been spilling coke on myself before I've left the house. Or like, I'll take the can out of the house. So then I just start. You know if you do it before you leave the house, you can change your top. To be fair, it'll be like, I'll take the can for the walk. It's before we got to the train station, spill it on myself.

And I'm like, well, I'm just going to have to have staying on my top now. I've started wearing coffee-coloured clothes, which helps. Bloody coffee-coloured top tonight, there. It's a black coffee. Nice. And anyway, so date night, we go to this Mexican.

Go to this Mexican, eat the foods. We're running late to the cinema. Go to the cinema. I'm shitting it. I've got the ring in me. I bought. Oh, that was amazing, by the way. No, we had a tiny ring box.

No, no, but I'd forgotten that. You said you were putting the ring in your top pocket in your jacket. And I did. And it was a little tiny box. When I was, we were in for the episode in the break. Honey, what's that? Nothing.

It's my phone. We're in the break. She's getting assassinated. We're in the break of the episode. All of us decided, do you know what, this is a great time to pick holes in all of Harry's plan. He's not nervous.

What's what we do? He was having changed. Pass on. And then the dog. started barking. I was like, don't you fucking start? Listen.

Let's just be honest. So what happened was? Because I walked back into this. I went out to get, uh, to just do some steps around lunchtime, get a coffee and now. And I come back and you,

you were sort of holding court about your plans. And Carl was, was picking holes in the plan. I was on your side and was also trying to calm you down a little bit by being like, stick to your plan. It's a good plan. Classic Adam.

Yeah, no, but I was like, I actually was doing that. And, But it wasn't like he was going, for a laugh, I'm going to make you more nervous. I was trying to help.

He was trying to help. And having like a big chunky fucking... So originally it was like, it was massive, the box. And I went to buy jackets with pockets here. And there were only little pockets. And it's hot outside as well. I can't wear like a fucking parker and be like,

no, it was nothing. But so I had this little, and you couldn't tell this little tiny. It was the size of the. ring, this box. It wasn't the size of the ring. It was tiny. No, it was small, but it wasn't the size of the ring.

The ring didn't fit in it until I fastened it. It was tiny. I put it in my top pocket and... Oh, sorry, it was a millimeter more than the ring. Fuck off. Put it in my top pocket. And... Carl's helping.

And I was like, Ellie was like, well, why don't you zip up your jacket so you don't get guacamole all over your top? It's an album. It's a Phil Collins. But I was... brackets involved in that. But I was right on you zip up your jacket. So you zucket guacamole all over your top.

Obviously, it makes it. You make that. That should be your new project. Obviously it makes it too, it makes the jacket like not too tight, but like it makes it tight or so then you see the thing. So I was going, no, it makes me look like Jackie Chan.

I can't do it. Because it was a small collar. I was like, why wouldn't you want to look like Jackie Chan? Jacket Chan. So I was kind of having it. So good. Oh, interesting.

So I had it kind of zipped up a little bit, but then I started doing like Jeremy Bederland when I was eating to like cover it just in case. Yeah, that doesn't make any suspicion at all. You know what? She didn't know who was coming. You're doing this. She had no.

Boala guacamole for me. She had no idea. She kept on looking at me collar. I was like, she's clocked it. I also thought she clocked because earlier in the day as well, you know those marble games on TikTok where it's like marble races. She predicted three.

three of those in a row. She'd picked the right color. That's like a, it was 10 marbles for each race. It's like a one in a thousand chance to do all three, isn't it? Yeah. And she picked all three right. And then she was like, today's going to be a great day. And I was like, why are you saying some of those things?

You know, like. Ice cute. Yeah. And you'd said that if she worked it out. So, yeah. If she said, are you going to ask me to my, you weren't, in your head you decided you weren't going to ask her on principle. What?

I respect that. I've always said. Because she wants. And she figured it out you were going to go, no, no. No, for months, I was like, if you ever go, oh my God, you're going to propose, I wouldn't do it. If I was going to do skywriting in a plane and she went, oh my God, do you going to propose,

I'd ring the plane and go do a 9-11. Like, it's not, I was like, put it in the wall. Right, you know. He's drawn 9-11. Yeah. Like, it's not happening. The plan was that I was going to do it in the cinema. I'd booked out the cinema with the help of the plaza.

The big grand room that we did, like the film club room is great, I didn't want to do it in the film club room. No, the kiddie room is gorgeous. With an orchestra, it's boss. But I was like, I would have gone, because we were watching when Harry met Sally, which is like our favorite film.

And obviously, like, my name as well, isn't it? Yeah. And it's not a million miles from here. No. Yeah, exactly. Was it going to be dirty, Harry? Was that the other option? I'm not seeing.

Oh, Joe, way up. Harry and the Hedisons was also in the running. I've got guacamoleal over myself. Changes to Dirty Harry. So I'm, I'm, I'm shit in one. We've stayed completely clean the entire time. Wow. I put a story up over there.

I pretended that I didn't have Wi-Fi for ages because I didn't want to put it and then one of you's, or one of your misses go, oh, congratulations. Say the word for the internet again? Wi-Fi. Wi-Fi. What?

Wi-Fi. So I was with me Jackie Chan. I had me jack-it-up. And she put it up and he got loads of likes all from Clifie. close mates that was just everyone that knew. Which? What did?

There's a photo of her. She looked. She looked, she looked fucking fire. Even Seneca went, Ellie knows she looks fucking fire. This is, Harry, you'd only told 280 people about the promotion or so.

You like to keep her small. 280 likes on me picture here. She asked me afterwards, she was like, who've told? It was like, to the lads and I was like, but that was because I had to get off work

and they helped me plan it a little bit or whatever. really like it was and I just told everyone. I was like, who else knows? I was like, well, my mum knows. I wasn't going to tell me mum because my mum can't hold of water, but she went to see a psychic. And the psychic went, you pissed yourself.

The psychic, the psychic went, engagement, start a September, oh, no, managed start a September. That's what I'm getting. And she went, oh, that's funny, is there somebody you've got to tell me? And I didn't speak.

And then she went, is there something you got to tell me? I was like, well, you can't tell me? I was like, well, you can't tell anyone. So we went to... Not even your paedophile friends. But then...

Wasn't she wrong, though? Yeah. Well, it's end of all. It's close enough, right? She's not a managed. She's at the post. No, we've managed vibes, isn't it? It's all in the same ballpark.

It's all vibes. It's all guacamole, me. And then I also told Jacob Hawley when he came in. In porn stuff. Yeah. Who you've met twice. And he called me Rob. Yeah.

He doesn't know you name. I was very sorry. I kept the same. small. My children knew. I've met twice who doesn't know me names. My children knew,

completely invested. Enter asking constantly. She looked at the family calendar on Monday and went, oh, you've not put Harry asking Ellie to marry him on the calendar. I went, no, I wouldn't know, would I, darling?

Because that's our family calendar. And she looked to me like, I don't know if you know how calendars work. That is excellent. Everyone knew. Yeah, Seneca, we were in bed after 40, watching Italian, Seneca, when the fuck is he got a text?

Like she wouldn't pay attention waiting. Well, Alex text me, because obviously she knew you doing it that night and was like, has he done it yet? And it was at like quarter to eight. And I was like, well, they're going for dinner and then they're going to the cinema. So, it's what time that he's got the film to start? So there was the debate on whether to,

the plan was we had two. A nasty snort from you there. I'm not well. We had two trailers. We had two trailers that played. There was an advert by Roy Keene and then Avengers or something. And then I'd made a fake. trailer of just loads of photos of us.

And then at the end it said when Harry met Ellie and it was all gay. And then she guessed and you went, Rice, we're not doing it. Do you know why I know for a fact? She had no idea. Oh, I've missed a bit as well. We tried to keep clean the entire time. She went in the,

went for a piss and then lent on the sink when washing her hands and just had a big wet patch. She was like, it's fine. It's dark in the cinema. And then she went into that, we sat in the seat and she got a, she went, our fucking dogs are barking and got her toes out. took her shoes off because she was like But you do though when you go to the cinema

Exactly no and there's no there's no shape But I was like But you want these little wrinkles Because that's what makes the story Absolutely but I was like Bare feet That immediately went Bare feet

Well this is the thing She blatantly had no idea it was going on Because the video was happening And she went watch this And she was crying and she loved it And you're all like You're gonna make us sit through a video She fucking loved it

I said it was a good thing Yeah No what I said was It didn't need to be two hours long Straight away Yeah She's gonna be looking at you You go and watch this and you're going to be sitting there silent.

No, we were crying. It was lovely. But also at the same time, I was like, I kind of hope she does because maybe I'm buying into like, you know, something's wrong up there. Do I mean, if she's not onto it? But she wasn't. And that's why I love her.

And, um. Nice safe. Yeah. So she's weeping, her feet are out. She's wet in the midriff and she's not clocked, but something specials that day. Wow. And she went.

This is the one. She went, oh my God, watch this. She was crying. She loved it. And she also hadn't clocked on. The cinema was empty, but she was like, more. Maybe some people were on the balcony. Because I'd been selling and I was like, oh, you know. She looked up and seen Jimmy Schmerz.

Yeah, so James was, James was filming on the balcony. Jack was in the toilets, just hiding. Because that was the one place that I knew she wouldn't see, Jack. Do I mean? And also he used as like sexual machismo as well. If she gets a whiff of that, she knows it's not coming from me. I think there's a man in here. Did you just say sexual machismo?

MacKismo? I think it's a good little phrase. Yeah, it is. It was nice. I thought you'd say charisma wrong. I got a lot of charisma. So the video finishes. It says on the screen when Harry met Ellie,

I take her out. We do the little shuffle out of the middle of the seat. Put her shoes back on. No. Oh, nice. No, you've made your decision. Come on. That's why I know for a fact.

She had no idea. Because she still had the tango ice blasting around. Yeah. Sorry. what did, El Ovelli, but what did she think was happening here? So I,

I think the balcony was full of people going, this is madden it. She said, she was like, um, I'm not coming back to watch that film. I'm not coming back to watch that field. It looks shrieve.

So originally she was on a phone when the, because obviously it was just Roy Keene before and. So I went, look at that. It was just what? There's an advert for Roy Keene. I think he was selling like a year. Navet for Roy Keene's.

Get your no Keynes. And I, and it came up and there's an inside joke of like, it said like a bungaroo production or whatever. Because one time I put loads of shopping on her and she went, who do you think? I am fucking bungaroo and it's quite a way for you. So I had that as the little inside

Joe. And I went, look at that. And she went, we've seen Wutheranites. I went back on a phone. I went fucking look at that. And it was us. It's Wutheranauter. It's a bungaroo production. But the song was like, it was coming up roses by when

when, sorry, went by Harry Stiles, which is the song that we saw at the, the but it's like a nice song but she like it starts like a big i hope you got yourself a ps r p r s exemption certificate otherwise you're gonna get stung for using his music allegedly harry i mean it's his voice as well oh that's a harry as well wow it's very harry themed engagement in it i didn't even clock on to that anyway we do the shuffle do the shuffle out the aisle we go and again she still she told me afterwards because she didn't know you could get onto the stage up there so she went why are you taking me to the toilets?

Because Jack Finnegan's in there. She was getting well eating in the pool. Come here. I made you a little film. Come and get your pussy out in this fucking cupboard girl. She thought I'd just done a nice thing because I was like, oh, I've got people at the cinema or whatever. Go on to the stage.

I try to say some stuff. We're all like emotional or whatever. I quote the end of when I only met Sally because we've got the end scene in our kitchen about like when you want to start the rest of your life or something, all that kind of stuff. Propose. she's bawling.

She's still got her dogs out. She's... She can't miss. Just hoops. Yeah! And she put the tango ice blast down? I had to put it down for her.

I mean, Ellie, stop ball in the minute. Proposed to her, and then obviously she's like in... A little rainbow flick. She was in shock. But then sometimes she's in shock

and she's looking at her finger. She doesn't... Like, she's not, we're like hugging and kissing all that kind of stuff. And then she looks at her finger, but I don't really know what to do. And Jack was there taking photos. He's come out of the box, going, fuck it out. And there's a couple of photos there where she looks stunning. And I don't know what to do.

So I just look like an MPC at the back and my own engagement. I'm like, checks out. I know exactly what pose you were doing. I just don't. I've seen you do it so many times. I just don't. There's a bit of a lean. The start, it's the start of the psychic on Sean Day,

when I'm holding Dan's hand, that was me at my engagement. That's the way to visualize it. And then whatever, then she's still not got her shoes on at this point. Mark of the cinema comes out. He's got a bottle of champagne for us. And I was like, I've got another surprise. And they'd put a message saying like, congratulations on your engagement wherever outside. But he still didn't put her, I didn't tell it was outside.

So she didn't put her shoes on. And she looked tall in the pictures, though. You look tall in the pictures. Yeah, because she was like same height as me because she had heels on. Yeah. And she'd had her nails painted. so it's ideal. But we went outside and Matt went,

you sure you want to go outside? People throw glass out there. And she went, no, it'll be fine. I'm from Boutel. And then we went outside, looked up at the side.

I was like, that's dead nice. I told her that I'd asked for a mum's blessing and she just fucking started sobbing. And then, which is like on camera, and it's all dead lovely. Again,

there's a couple more photos where she's like composed herself and I'm like at the back like that. And then we went back inside and just watched the film. And it was dead nice. And then, yeah.

Get sucked off in the center of mind. Jack was, so original. Whoa. There we go. There's that my cheese. Mom.

So the only people that were there. Someone's getting sucked off. So there's us. Jimmy Smurge, like taking, like, video and that. And then Jack's taking photos.

And they stuck around to get some photos from the balcony. And we're hugging. And these, like, really, she's like, it's kind of setting in. Jack goes,

So, his dick from the balcony. And she was like, I'm waiting him to get... He said something like, I'm waiting for you to get a chew. We all laughed. It was all that nice. But the thing is, so we're... So, Jack.

Really classic. Just doesn't filter it at all. Oh, no. It was great. It's perfect. We're... It's perfect. She's from Boutel.

We're crap. On the way out before we went out to look at the sign, Matt came and was like, at the cinema was like, is there anything you want? And I was like, I'd love a Coke. Like, I'm dead thirsty. didn't get one. I was too panicked.

Well, and I just got me popcorn and her an ice blast. So we're hugging. She's like, I can't believe you ask my mom's blessing. That's dead sweet.

And we're having this moment. And then a man is like, I can see, I open my eyes and he's like crouched at the edge of the thing. It went, I've got your coke. So as we had joined this moment,

there's like a photo where this man's under me a coaxe. Again, you want them wrinkles. Unreal. If it goes perfect. And I went, I went,

oh no, yeah, come on. I'm thirsty. And I, so we're rugging and I'm just... But you had a tango ice blast as well? Yeah, yeah.

Is that not cost as a drink in your head? Do you know, I'm not a fan of tango ice blasts. Bit rogue. Do I mean? Why did you get a fan of tango ice blast? But I really wanted a Coke, so I got a tango ice blast. No, I got her tango ice blast.

Yeah, because she's normal? Well, originally when we sat down, she realized she was wet. I thought, because I knew I hadn't done it. I thought that she just fucking lash tango ice blast all over her. And she went, oh, doesn't matter, it'll be dark.

Also, I was sunburned, because I went on oblivion or whatever, the day before. Yeah, sat down, watch when I went, Harry met Sally. The end scene happens, and she's, like, bawling again. Sit down. And then we went home, and we've always talked, we went via her mum's and showed of the ring, and we've always talked about, like, oh, yeah, just going back after engagement and just fucking ripping clothes off each other and stuff like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I went, I went. look look look at that oh nice bum and um and we got and I went listen I'll I'll give you the because also I was ill in the room up to it so I was hopped up on all sorts of pills

and I was like I'll give you the choice was like we either have sex or we go to sleep and she was like thank God I want to go to sleep so we just like cuddle perfect quite nice and then the next day

she was like I'll give you the choice isn't that always the choice It's bed time. I give you the choice. It's always... I'm sorry, you've got a choice. No, but normally it's like...

Sex or sleep. Normally it's like... Or karate. Oh, oh, oh, get the glass out of your feet. What do you fancy? Normally, oh, I'll grab a bit of thigh and then it's like, oh, are we on? And I was like, listen, let's...

Listen, love, let's just fucking calm it. Let's go to sleep. She goes up for work next morning, goes into work shows off a ring, and they're all buzzing. Get on this. Yeah, she was like, they're all...

jumping up and buzzing. The kids are crying. Yeah, because she's working. Why's Miss got an asshole out? She works in a nursery. She's showing everyone. She shows someone at the management and they tell

the woman who, or one of the management who owns the nursery, whatever. And they come in and go, well, you can have wedding bands but you can't have engagement rings on. And Ellie went, all right, sick.

I was like, well, it's staying on my fingers. She's just going to have to sack me then. Nice. She's got the new power. Like, it's unbelievable. And then they went, oh, well, it's new for today so you can keep it on stape off the ears and the code of Connor for the rest of the week.

And she was alright, it was like, well, you're going to have to sack me at some point in the rest of the week then. I think came home when we had pizza. Are you happy? Do you feel good? buzzing. And she didn't genuinely, I had no idea.

Which again, listen, we'll look at the IQ tests down the line. Yeah. But, yeah, I think because I'd drop the shoulder at Hardy Stiles and she thought she was going to get proposed to then. Because that was one of the big thing. It was like, that's why I put so much effort into it. because I, like, I knew she was going to say, yes,

but, like, I wanted it to be a surprise for her, and it was. And now, honestly, the amount of times I've hidden my phone from her, she must think I've got child porn on my phone, like, from the last year. Why would that be a fair store? No, because I'm too loyal. What if not for child porn? But not when it comes to those sweet, sweet shit. I'm loyal, but, you know, I've got a fucking dick, haven't I?

She'll look at my phone and then, like, oh, like, I'm weird with it anyway, where, like, You are the weirdest person in the world Yeah, but I think honestly, that's drilled in from the fact that I've got, I had stuff to hide on my phone. No, you can hire out of that. Yeah. It's all the child porn.

Genuinely, it might be child porn. Yeah, I'm not being the bumblehorn allegations, are I? Can we get so, can we get a timeline on what, what are we looking at here? Wedding wise. Yeah. She genuinely was like, when do you think? And I was like, listen, that's your, whatever you say,

buzzing. I've done my big girl I've done my way down Go on you fucking sorting out now Yeah I was like I've done that she wants to plan that She would have loved to plan her own engagement If I'd given the reins You should pick the date together though

Well she was like way down I also know she wants to be a fiancé for ages And be all like oh bloody hell Are you think when you say ages Are you thinking like three four five years I think they fuck What you're talking about? No that I think they're married before the end of next year

No no no It'll be two and a bit. I mean, if you give me a raise, maybe. 20, 29. Yeah, she said 2029. Yeah, which is like, what, two in a bit years? I'll fucking put my money down right now. It's three.

Yeah. Where could be January? Don't get my than January. Oh, yeah, those January wedding. I just want to get engaged quick. January and boot. I want to get engaged quick. And then I want to be a fiancé for ages.

And that definitely will not change. Worsh. Yeah, we want to go to Hawaii as well for, so I want to start. Hawaii fund. I feel like that's like the Queensland. You're having a wedding? No,

honeymoon. I just love Lilo and stage, man. They're not there. Just, I've, on your wedding day, say no gifts, give us a bit of dough

for Hawaii and you'd be fine. And it's ironic because she's allergic to pineapple. It's not ironic. I don't think you know that what ironic is. I think that is ironic. Why?

Alonis Morissette would say that's ironic. Yeah, but she would be wrong as well. Her whole song, their burn bit is, none of it's ironic. It's all just unfortunate.

But isn't pineapple's Hawaii in it? Not exclusively. he's on pizza anyway I'm a fiancé now I'm engaged well done Harry well done you did it

proud yet you planned it yourself you ignored all the bullshit from us and you got it done it was just like a patron special really yeah because Smurz was there yeah

nice congrats my it's very nice she's an amazing girl and you're gonna be very happy and I look forward to being at the wedding in about 18 months 18 months That's what, that's my guess.

All right, love you. Well done. Very nice. I'll have a little break. It's a plan, man. Oh, shit. Our latest patron special is out. Shite, don't.

See, sausage. Don't watch it. Don't watch it. Don't watch it. You won't like it. It's our version of impractical jokers. And it's absolutely the best bit of comedy that anyone has done in the history of comedy. I think it's funny as far.

I genuinely, we don't watch the specials with them. People think we've already seen it. Will's evident me. I am genuinely as excited to you to watch this on, I think. It's my favourite thing to do we've done, because it's so in my wheelhouse, and I just love,

I've got basically no shame, but watching, like, people rarely struggle with it as well. It's just, I really loved all the filming of it, and I would immediately start filming the next one. I don't know if there's... I don't know if there's...

Ever been anything that we've filmed, we've filmed this on more days than we've filmed anything else. It's the most effort we've ever put in. I transition on. halfway through. And shout out to Martin Ellis, who's our sound set. We don't talk about Martin loads,

but technically so difficult for him to get it set up because we've got earpieces to listen. And then the person who's doing the sketch or the bit has an earpiece in to be able to hear what everyone else is seeing. It was so complicated. It was multiple days. I don't think there's anything we've ever filmed where within four or five days of filming,

I've been having the time of my life at some points and absolutely in the bin panic attacks or other pit like I've the range of wasn't even at that was it it was just functioning a till it killed me off wait until you see Dan try and work a till

wow wow press bro's not pushing for me to work there ever but there was a bit outside Blackpool Tower where I was having the most fun I think I've ever had filming something with you just depends what lane in you get with it like if you just if you hit a little purple patch it's the easiest thing in the world but if you get

You know, Ned, it's just fucking dust. It's all purple patch for Adam. He's, I've never seen him happier with anything we've ever done. It's brilliant. I really hope everyone's enjoying it. But I wanted to shout out Martin because I think so much of that we give Will props for everything and he's brilliant. And Harry's done a brilliant job of, like the work that Harry does planning a lot of the specials,

particularly the forfeit, which was really well put together, hard to execute. But Martin definitely deserves a bit of love for. for getting it altogether sound-wise. Patreon.com slash have a word pod. Obviously there will be clips on social media and stuff, but it will never go public. That is a Patreon special for this month. A couple of other things to mention.

Dungeons and Dragons, a month early access for Patriens, then it goes public. Dungeons and Dragons is no longer part of your Patreon special. So if you're a patron of the podcast, we give you a special every single month. I think a lot of people thought episode two of Dungeons and Dragons was this month's Patreon special.

It's not. We're just putting it on Patreon for a month and it will be released next month publicly. That is a public series. Also, and maybe this could just have been a post for Patreon, we put Carl's stand-up debut tickets on sale this week and they sold out within 34 minutes. And we've had a lot of messages going, oh my God, this better be a Patreon special it is. That's what we're doing. Carl's debut and probably only ever

stand-up comedy performance will be filmed in September and later in the year we'll go out as a Patreon special as a full show of stand-up and me and Dan are on there's some other great comics on as well but I don't need to sell that to you

because they're sold out but it will be out later in the year and it's going to be a bell so you get all of that plus the entire back catalogue for three quid a month or 5 or 10, whatever you want to pay at patreon.com slash haveawaypod.

But if you sign up for just three quid, you get access to the entire content backcast blog that we've got and the early access to D&D. How are you feeling about doing stand-up? Nervous, rightfully so. You've got a good plan though. Yeah, I'm saying... Without giving too much away.

One of the comics he was on, I'm sitting with them, and they're helping me write and put it together and stuff because obviously, you know, it needs to be coherent. and I'm nervous, but I think I should be, and I'm kind of like riding the nerves, do you know what I mean?

I don't want, I think if I was like, this is fine, I'd be like, well, it shouldn't be solely. It'd be class if you shite. Yeah. It'd be fucking class if you shite, like for us. But if I am.

But if I am shite, then, yeah. It's your first gig, yeah. The product's better. It's like when I crashed the car. Yeah. That made the special better. If I'm good, good for me. I know for me.

I know for me. I know for fun. But also, I'm, you know, I'm under the impression I know that the fans who come and are going to be lovely and help me. I think you're going to get

a bit of everything. I think you're going to rip it in places. I think something's going to try it. Yeah, yeah. I think you're going to get the full gamut. I'm trying to embrace that. Like, I'm trying to be like, it could be shit.

But like Adam said a few months ago, I can have a shit 10 minutes of my life and live. I mean, everyone's first gig is brutal nerves-wise, isn't it? How are you on your very, very first gig for nerves? Eh, you were 18? Yeah, I was 18. I think I was more excited than nervous,

but definitely nervous as well. Like, if I conjure the memory, I think I remember feeling excited, but I don't know whether that's true. This is also heightened. I think, yeah, it's like the good side of fear where, like, it's important, it counts. I remember seeing new comics with pieces of paper

in the first few gigs, and I was like, I will never, ever take a piece of paper on as a little, oh, I saw this in the paper, and then the, because they're shaking, with the nerves. The paper's just flapping. Like, never make that mistake. Because even if you are,

my paper will be lay on the floor. Yeah, I know I'm nervous, but I'm trying to make that a positive thing. I don't think nerves necessarily negative. I think when you start comedy and you do your first gig, you're nervous because you want it. Like, I'd already decided that this was the life I wanted.

So it was obviously a lot riding on that. But if I'd have bombed, those 200 and odd people in Newcastle that night wouldn't have known who the fuck I was. and would never have thought about me again. Whereas with you, you don't want this, but there's a lot riding on it in another way. Yeah, I'm trying to feel a fear and do it anyway,

which is the whole thing. Class. Shall we do some advice? I think we should do some advice. If you got any advice, have a word pod at gmail.com. Or the DM's on Patreon. I mean DM's on page. Adrian or get it quicker.

Straight to Harry. Straight to Harry's pocket. Hey, me, Edmy. This is from Anonymous. He says, hello the boys. This is a weird one. I've been back from uni for a few months now, living at my parents again.

Plan is to get a job and move out, but this will do for now. And it's nice to be pampered and have some well-made food, but my mum has almost flipped back to how she parented when I was 16 or 17. Insist on tidy my room,

washing my clothes, knowing exactly where I am and where I'm going. She even weights up. when I go out. I went for pints while the World Cup was on, and it was a Saturday night. I had said I would be back at midnight,

but it was more like 2 a.m. when I got back, and she's there on the couch, half asleep, and wakes up when I come in and acts like I've just been released from a hostage situation. I was a few hours late, and you should be a kip anyway. All comes from a nice place, but I'm 23,

and I feel like she's smothering me. Any advice would be appreciated here, boys. It's good practice for when you've got a fucking wife. I swear. You know what I mean? Like, she's going to wait up. She's going to be like, oh, where are you going? She does not wait up for me.

She is asleep on all those big nights out, you know. I'm talking like nine o'clock. She ain't waiting up. Really? She'll give a fuck. She's asleep by nine. If she's in work, if she's in work the next day, she's in bed between nine and ten asleep. Oh, yeah.

Lauren never waits up for me. But if she wakes up when I'm still out, oh, that has historically caused quite a few problems. My missus went on the aisle yesterday. And she got back at the same time as me. I was gigging in Chester, but she was pissed. And I was, like, I was, like, enjoying it. And she was like, why are you so, like, happy? And I was like, because I get one now.

You're being annoying. And so I get one. I mean, I actually have mine a couple of weeks. 24-1. A fellow with the fucking champagne in third place. Yeah, a few weeks ago, I was quite annoying when I came in pissed, apparently. So now we're even. And I got it a cheeseburger on the way home.

That's good. I like when Seneca does that. Seneca's very thoughtful. awful. If she goes to Boutan and she's out, she gets me one. That is fucking... It wasn't thoughtful. I was on the way back from Chester and she was like, are you going past the Mackey's? You get me two cheeseburgers and I said,

what I actually said is, are you sure you won't regret them? Because we're trying to be good at the minute. So I tried to talk about it. And she went, no, I want them. So I said, well, fucking fine. Are you sure you know, on your head be it? A bottle of Evian. The only time that I've ever, like, Ellie's been asleep when I've got back is when we've done pod stuff. So it's like when we record D&D,

I'll come back bladded dressed as a wizard and stumble into the house. Why don't you get undressed? No, so I've got the, I've still got like most of the makeup on and stuff like that. And I like stuff. And I mean, I can barely walk at the best of times, like, and it's dark and there's stuff all over the stairs

because she likes to leave it there, you know, in case it's like total wipeout. Is it your stuff? That's not ideal for there. Like, you just get a hotel next time. I don't have to be greater. Does she put your stuff on the stairs? She just puts,

Is it your stuff? It's loads of stuff. She'll go to B&M and she'll buy like, I don't know, what's they sell in B&M? Everything. Yeah, she'll buy everything. And she'll go, this is great shopping this. This needs to go upstairs.

I'm going to put it on the stairs and hope someone takes up. Everyone does that. If I do the shopping, the upstairs stuff goes on the stairs. Yeah, but our stairs is like single file. We can't be that old. I know. Hang on, though. You don't ever wear shoes downstairs.

You're a Japanese shoes off house. Yeah. Why do you just take it upstairs? The whole thing about it not going upstairs is if there's like a no shoes upstairs It's that you can't be asked going upstairs. Yeah. I'm not going upstairs yet.

Yeah. It's what I think. When I go upstairs, that'll go upstairs. And then probably it'll be the third time I'll go upstairs. And that's because she said, can you take that upstairs? Yeah.

Yeah, it's not shoes. It's just laziness. If I walk past stuff that Alex is left on the stairs, she gets all fucking whingy about it. Have you gone upstairs without taking some of that stuff with you? Like, you didn't. specifically tell me to take stuff up so I don't look at the floor.

Exactly. Eyes on the prize, meh. The top of the stairs. The toilet. The price. I just don't see it. I don't see it unless I'm told to look for it. This does not shock me.

But I don't see it. But you have to teach yourself to see it. Yeah. But you do see it? Just tell me. Yeah, I don't take it. If you want something doing, tell me and I'll do it. Yeah, I do that for the eight that. They ate that

Can I just give it a domestic advice While we're kind of on stuff on the stairs Can you, yeah, you have to wipe your shit out of the toilet When you've been That does me either than as well Does pay her in the toilet Where else do you want it? Go on

Do you know what? And at least Skid Marks McGee as well Like proper, like Kyle Busch I can so both of you leave Skidmacki Yeah, she's bad for it like Um But anyway so I have that Your toilet was stink of shit

I bought a A Mier Zaki wig and away top. I wore it once for Sean Day and got clown makeup on it and you can't put it in the wash so I left it on the barrister

I was like I'll hand wash it at some point when was Sean Day? Where did you? Why can't you put it in the wash? Because it's got, it's like old felt like from football tops like it'll just rub it.

It happened to me signed Chris Kirkland top my mum put it in the wash and I was gutted. Where did you leave it? So I left it on the banister for a bit and then she just ung it up like it was a coat

and then I was going to do it but then I was like, listen, I don't really trust myself. I was like, if you're hand-washing anything, could you do it, but I will sort it, like, don't. And she knew that, and she knew it was a thing. And the other day, she's put it in the washing machine and it's ruined. But I don't know if I can go, you put me yami as I keep top in the washing machine

because really I should have hand-washed it ages ago. I mean, you should have washed it ages ago, but if you've specifically said, that has to be hand-washed, it can't go in the washing machine, and then she's put it in the washing machine. She's taking it up She hung it up like a coat She hung it up like a coat

You've said that needs hand washing Like you've said all of that And then she's taking it off A hanger And put it in a washing machine No so I've Here we go So it's hung up like a coat

Here we go So you've taken it off Not on a hangar On like a hook On a hook on a track So before that I was like I need to put it downstairs For hand washing

And then I never did So then she's hung up like a coat So it was out of the way Fair enough So then I've taken off And put it on the banish I really do need to sort that because it's one of my favorite wig and tops.

So you've taken it off the hook? And it's been over the banister. Yeah, again. And then I've not washed it, but then, which again's on me. You put the house up twice and she's gone, I'm sick of this. Yeah. Basically, but I think that's spiteful. No, I think she just think you do.

No, because does she know, like you've got a lot of wig and tops? She knows that it's bright yellow and it's got Zaki on them. Also, it's great. You've got a couple of yellow wigan tops? No, I've got a golden one. This is a little. This is a little. Can you go into the Elsteo or fiancé and go,

you've watched me, I'm the exact way. Yeah, because I almost sent her a message this morning. I was like, no, I need to stop that. But, like, I was thinking, divorce immediately.

I can't believe you, put it back on the banister. Yeah. You've put it back on the banister. No, this is that important. I need to see this. Sean Day was in March. Oh, my God.

That is the thing. That's why, because you've done, she's like, stop doing that. But it cost me 100 quids. How is she fucked it? What's happened to her?

It's, the champion things peeling off of JJB. Harry, surely there's a pretty regular rotation of you having to wash stains off clothes. That's kind of it. Don't need. That sounds well, careful. Listen, I do the dishes.

That's their job. I do the dishes because she doesn't like dish, like, she doesn't like tea towels. And that does me head and she insists. So I'm like, no, I'm fucking doing the dishes. You don't need tea towels to do dishes? No, you dry them with the tea towel. You put them on a dry and rack and let them dry themselves. Yeah, but I'm not good at dry.

I have to then re-wash them when it's a thing. I keep on, like, washing them going, that's clean. You don't have to do anything? No, I want... What do you mean you're not good at something? You're not good at leaving something alone? I wash bowls, I scrub bowls. I will never...

And then you leave them bowls high though? No. He's not clean them properly, so he needs the teetow to finish the cleaning. Yeah. Oh. No, I'll have to re-wash them because... Your house is mental. Because I'm like, oh, it's clean, and then it dries.

And then it's like, Ellie will go, why is this bowl? all crusty and I have to then wash it again. Did you haven't cleaned it? No, but then it is double clean because I've cleaned it again. No, you haven't cleaned? Harry, just do me a favour. Right. Let's say you've just had

a chicken curry and rice or whatever. Sweet potato curry. Sweet potato curry with fried chicken, and rice in a bowl, right? And you've finished, let's say, 80% of it. 20 cents on the bed.

Yeah, all of us top. And there's 15 on your top. there's 5% of it still in the bowl. There's rice, there's sauce, whatever. Right. Take me through. Like, you've just finished. Ah, full.

Yum. Yum. Harry's yum, yum, full, full. From this moment, Ellie's out. Yeah. From this moment on. He puts the bowl in the boot.

Like the knife and fork or the spoon, whatever you're fucking eating it with. They're down. Ooh. Oh, lovely that. Take me through the next four hours. Dan, you look like you're going to cry. So, I just...

Have I eaten it in bed, or have I eating it on the couch? No wonder his dad's like he is. You've eaten... I did just say to me... I told me dad ahead. The time I was like, I'm going to propose to early on Monday. And I could tell he was like dead proud,

but obviously he didn't know what he's not of that area. He didn't always say. He was like, what the hell are you doing that? But that was him going, like, that's lovely. Yeah, he's... I can tell he was dead proud. Old school. Why are you doing that?

he's been married three times and he's gone like you know don't fucking don't pace about with a web All right fair enough love is a lie I have a great money Take your fucking hats off

You vet it on the couch I'm getting better I'll wash it pretty soon afterwards Because I keep on ruining bottles of mayo Because I keep on leaving them on the fucking On the table overnight You fucking scruff What's it

fucking dancing a mood today, man. No, by the way, on the whole Amizaki shirt, I am on Ellie's side now. Listen, I like, you just, you're just scruffing up the house.

I know that I'm in the wrong a little bit. So hang on, you leave a bottle of mayo on a table and overnight it just disintegrates or it. It doesn't disintegrate, but like I got some campfire mayo,

smoky campfire mayo from M&S. I'm in love with it at the moment. Left it on the table, it just globulated into it. Yeah, and then you're shaky? No, it was like solid in the middle. I had to bin it. Solid.

It like, it was like one mass of, meo in the middle. Was it like minus 10 in your nose? You're not meant to, you're not meant to leave Mayo overnight. You'll get ill. Yeah, but if you do it for one night,

it's fine. If you leave it for a decade, it might go bad. It was two days. Since March. Because we kept on go, because we kept, I'll be down for Shaw and day.

If you leave Milka out for a night, it'll be fine. Oh, I wouldn't, I wouldn't touch that. No, a night, it will be fine. Two nights and up. If I've done it in the bed,

we're quite bad, and we're both bad for it as well, where we're like, let's just stay in bed, to watch the thing. And then I'll, I'll remember to take it down when I accidentally

kick it in the morning when I get out of bed. Okay, right. So you've done it in bed, right? Ellie's away for a couple of nights. She's gone to see the Jordan Pickford Convention in Sweden, right?

With her mom. Oh, wow, in Sweden. So... Overnight. Yeah. Yeah. So you... They'd love that as well,

you know? You buy your sweet potato curry and fried chicken in bed with rice. Yeah. And you've watched Miss Congeniality. Yeah.

Fucking great, right? What a great light? Next morning, you get up, you volley to think, I should take that down. Yeah. So you do take it down. Take me through your washing process of that bowl.

I have me, it's my scrubber at the end of a stick. Yeah. Because early you have like, C's a salad, and then the Cs of salad and chicken and all that. It just is in the little plug-all catcher, and then I vomit in the kitchen. Have you got the spoon and got out all the rest of the food into the bin? What's step one?

Once you're in the kitchen. Run the tap for a while because it takes a while to get hot. Yeah. And then put the ball and just like start scrubbing. Hang on, hang on,

is the food in the bowl when you've still 20% of the food in the bowl? Have you not put it in the food in? I'll scrape that into the bin. Yeah, if there's loads of stuff. It depends on...

He also, by the way, he's now lying because he feels pressure to say he's done. It depends how saucy is as well. I'm just going to wash me, Cuddy! It depends how saucy it is as well. Curry will go down the sink.

I used to have an incinerator in my old kitchen but it was like a food thing. Yeah. That was good. That was good. Right. So you've scraped it into the bin.

So there's still remnants. There's the odd flake of rice. There's a bit of curry, whatever. It's on the bowl. Scrub it with my stick. Yeah. And then put it into the drying rack. You haven't mentioned washing up like I would once yet.

It's in the stick. Oh, it's one of them ones. It's one of them ones. Sometimes I put my merry gold on. Because I don't like, I really don't like it on my hands at all. Oh. It's really hard.

Because then I feel it for the rest of the day is grainy. So, you scrub the bowl, but do you do it like how people who don't brush the teeth properly brush the teeth? You're just like, ah, we're done. Or do you make sure you get every inch of it?

No, I get every inch of it. But then it's, when it dries sometimes, then that exposes with touch, like, oh, there's still some stuff on it. Because I'll try and get a wrist.

Do you watch the outside of the bowl? Yeah. But I do like the, I do like the European method where there taps on the entire time. Yeah. Like my mum has a bowl, I ate that. Laura won't do that, yeah. I don't do the ball of finger.

Never has never a sponge in the rotation. It's on the end of the stick. What? There's a sponge on a stick with fluid in whatever. It is to get like the bristles. They're good. Bristles. Like are the metallic ones?

No, no, no. Like a plastic. Or a scrub daddy. I mean, other ones are available. We probably do need something like that. Or use any of these that we've mentioned properly. If you did get every inch of it, Well, I overuse the sponge

because I don't do anything else so the sponge looks fucking rough. They have, they come with replaceable hair. It's time to replace the sponge, man. You don't need a sponge. You need sort of rougher to get... No, but it's the green bit of the sponge.

But also, I'm eating pretty soft. It's sweet potato curry. It's pretty soft food. Yeah, but it's been in your bedroom for fucking 16 hours, hasn't it? Well, I'll wash it, and then sometimes it'll dry and be fucking I need to wash that again, and I'll wash it again.

It's on the end of the way. I'm not living in, like, you know... You should never have to wash it twice. That process is, part of one thing. So what you do is you give it a proper scrub, right? And then you rinse it fully and you look again and you'll

see if you've missed anything. That's really fucking honozoble. Right. Can we get a judgment on the Amazaki just to give this a bit of closure? The first time you did it, it was not an issue. But like now when you've closed

to the house at the second time, she has got every right. Yeah, but, like, I think she's got, go, she can put it, put it back in the water and be like, fucking stop that and not go like, like, if she'd put it in the bin, it'd be bang out of order, wouldn't it?

She's basically done that, and she? She shouldn't have washed her. Yeah. But she, she's got every right to go to you. This gets fucking sorted today, or I'm binning it. I think at some point she's just going to read it. You keep putting it out,

it's going to get washed at some point. Yeah. It's my fault for being like, could, I just don't, trust myself with it. But I get that's on me entirely. I need to do better. Is that my favourite dress

in the wash? Exactly that she'd kick off. I mean, also, I told Dan something. Especially if you go and get it out of her wardrobe and it's already clean. If it's a signed Amirzaki dress, she'd be fuming. Exactly.

I told Dan something the other week and I've never seen him more disappoints than the other thing, that my bed sheet doesn't fit on my bed. Oh, I know. Do you know this? So we've, I don't think, again, I don't think I'm pointing this out for like the vid. I don't think we're that bad.

Our mattress doesn't fit our bed. We've got a double, I've got a king-sized bed and a double mattress. Why? Because we're waiting for the spare room to be fixed. I don't know who does that. But I wait for the spare room to be fixed because it's not on the floor for a while.

Have you proactively searched for someone to fix it or are you genuinely just waiting? Well, yeah, Peter's put floor in it now, so there's floor in it. So you've got a floor. But this is the thing. Because they're in this temporary setting of like, oh, this isn't our permanent mattress,

he hasn't got a fitted bed sheet for the mattress they've been using for a year. Hang on. You've got a king-sized bed frame with a double mattress and a king-sized bed sheet. Yeah. I don't know what size of the bed sheet is, but I've... It's bigger than the mattress. Since living in that house,

I've never once woken up not wrapped in the bed sheet. On my mum's life. This morning. This morning, this morning, both sides were rough. Both sides are off. You just deserve each other. I'm so glad she said yes, because neither have yet. The fact that both of you

were willing to live like this means neither are you would ever find anyone else. Listen, do you know why I'm so... I think I'm a doting fiancé now is the fact that I've... She has most of the cover around her side. Also, I think she's more dexterous and she can wrap it round.

I struggle to wrap. But, yeah, it wraps up. It comes off on my side most of the time. It's rough. Like... If it's too big, surely. stay on. I think it's too small.

I don't know. So you've got a single sheet for a double bed on a king size bed. I think it's just shit. No, if it's too big, it doesn't wrap around.

Have you only got one bed sheet? No. Why haven't you bought one the fits? Should we go and get them on now? We've got multiple bed sheets, but again, I've never. I've never. I've never,

I've never once, and I'm not sure maybe it's how I sleep and maybe in the night, I've never once. Why, why haven't you just bought a mattress just that fits the frame. Because we're waiting to move that double mattress

into a double bed in the spare roof and then splash out the big bucks. Harry, Harry. But you could just put it in here? That's not been a thought, yeah, because we've only had a floor the last couple weeks. I've not, I've not made that. You could put it in the fucking oven for the baby.

And also, like, you meant to, you meant to spend, like, loads of money on a mattress, aren't you? Yeah, we talked about this in Nando's. I don't know, but I still don't believe, I still don't believe that. You said thousands of pounds. It's not thousands of pounds. Yeah, but you meant to,

because you sleep on. every, I mean, I'm like... Yeah, yeah, a few hundred quid, yeah. Not thousands of pounds. You could get a great mattress for a thousand pounds. You can be like an unbelievable mattress. And not a thousand miles, not a lot of money. I'll tell you what, though.

You can get a fitted sheet for 11 quid. I want to get... I keep on getting advertised on TikTok, those like brackets. I might try and get... You don't need that. You need a sheet to fits. They'll be more expensive than getting the right sheet. See, but I think there's something to do with,

I think it's partly my sleeping as well. You're a violent sleeper. I think, yeah, I'm like, I'm like a reticent. Unless you're literally like pulling it up in your sleep. Get out! I think I'm doing lots of jumping and that. I'm moving me sleep. I am not having the same problem you are

because I've got the right mattress for me frame and the right sheet for the mattress. Unless you, in your sleep you get up and undress the bed. He's just fucking fighting and he's it. We all live in a top of my majesty. That's my fucking. signed down me a Zaki. Oh, fucking al guacamole.

Just go to Dorel and spend 15 quill on a fifth ofude. Yeah, he will do. March next year. Yeah, but Ellie takes the car as well, so it's like she does all the shopping. Harry, don't even need to do that. I can walk to M&S now if you want.

I might do. You're working town? I've not even been having lively dreams as well. I was saying I had a dream the other night that was like, I went for tea at Andy Burnham's house, and it was me and Ellie and Andy Burnham and his missus. Well, I didn't even know what Andy Burnham's

Mrs. looks like, so I don't know how I've conjured that up. And we were having a having food and then we were washing the dishes and there was loads of people outside like protesting and I went, start not getting your bloody nerves. You're protesting you washing the dishes? And his wife went, yeah, it's a bit much and then I woke up. Do you remember what you were eating?

Was it something in Northern? Was it hot pot? I don't know. It was just like void. You know, like dream food. Lovely crisp sandwich for me, Andy Burnham. Let's do the dishes. Right.

It's lunch time. During lunch, I was out bid for a vintage Ralph Lauren sweater on eBay. Fossack! Should we start? The whole season, ruins. Terrible news. Carl the Cobblers here! That'll cheer you up.

What do you think my maximum bid should be on a vintage Ralph Lauren sweater? A vintage £70. Oh, well, we're weighing... We're not in Kansas anymore, Doc. How much is you bid? What was your last bid? My maximum bid was $200. US dollars.

That's a lot of money. The current bid is... That's what he trades in. Trades in the Benjamin's on. The current bid is $217 US dollars. What does it look like? What?

What does it look like? You want to see? How much was it new? Is this on Vincent? Oh, it's on eBay. It's probably a judgment on Ralph Lauren or Ralph Lauren. Ralph Lauren. Yeah.

Yeah, we can all say wrong things if you want. I'll say wrong things. I'll say wrong things. I haven't recently worked. I don't recently found out how you say it and now he thinks he's always said that I thought. Raff Loren. Raff Lauren.

It's got a little horse on it inside, isn't it? Oh my God, Dolly Parton? Yeah, I know. Are you sad? That's why I'm buying the jumper. I know what I'm thinking? I thought about you because you love country Western.

It's beautiful. I don't think he doesn't care about Dolly Park? Doesn't care about Dolly Part? It's a gorgeous. It's a grail piece. Do you think it'd be itchy? Sorry? Do you think it would be itchy?

He's never going to wear it? It's a lot. It's fine, isn't it? It can't itches the wardrobe. It's from the 1993 autumn winter collection so I imagine it's been worn enough now that it's softened.

Are you sure it's not 94? No, it is 93. I thought it's 94. What does it, what's it made of? Give us a bit of... A hundred percent virgin wolf. No one has fucked it. It'll be very warm in the winter

and breathable in the summer. Yeah, exactly. That's what I'm after. I'm after a year-round grail piece. What does grail mean? What do you mean by that? Grail. like holy grail.

So in the fashion world, your grail piece is the one you want more than anything else. And then you put the whole season's wardrobe around that because that's like the centrepiece.

Yeah, you make everything work with that. Can't wait. He's going nautical paed I think that's what I heard for the autumn. Nautical.

What's your grail piece, Dan? I start with my underpants. They're my grail piece because if I don't have that, I get a saw bell end. Yeah. Circumcised.

Bell end. Is that your bumhole? What? Which one is Bellin? Is that your Willie or mom? The end of your Willie? I don't have a Willie. Don't look at me like that. You've seen Willys. Yeah, but I wouldn't...

Oh, because it's We Bell. Yeah. I'm one of the boys. I never kind of thought about it, to be honest. You've seen more bellings than me. Not to, you know, be presumptuous. I haven't seen that many bellings. Well, I've only ever seen, like, in person.

Have you seen all these boys, bellings? No. Yes, you have. He's seen mine. I walked in. You were all naked. Come on now. Eating kebabs.

Am I the only other knob you've seen in this room? I think you've seen Jacks on a picture, haven't you? I've seen, Jacks is magnificent. Is it? Yeah.

Not so if he's out any bigger, but it's... What makes it magnificent? It's just big and clean. Oh, big and clean. It was getting clean when I saw.

Like, what more do you want? So this is actually something. I went to the match or the pub to watch the match the day, South Africa, New Zealand, rugby and we met up.

Shut up, Finn. And we met up with, like, friends from the gym who we hadn't really met up with before. And my husband went to the bathroom. And then the guy also went to the bathroom, a slightly after, but went in. And then I was like, what happens then for boys? Men don't usually do that.

No, I know. It was a crossover by chance. Do you... I mean, you're looking, no? I'm more likely to look at a man's knob if I don't know him. Yes, which I understand. I missed the eclipse because I wasn't here. Joe, the, you know, you look at it, but you don't see it.

Okay. You're like aware of it. Don't stare at the sun. Don't stare at a stranger's cock. No, in the urinals. You have to wear, you make special goggles for it. You have to take your colander into the sun. You know what it looks like, but you can't look at it.

And do you feel like you would prefer if it wasn't an open urinal? Would you prefer if you had our kind of stalls instead? We have got them too for poos. But then you know you're shitting, which is also very, I prefer an individual urinal with that little bit of war, like that little bit of cruelty wall. Because I think it must be hard for you guys to go in and have to piss in like a pig troll.

Because you're obviously going to look at, I mean, you kind of just get over to it. I suppose you're used to it. We've all got Willie's, I mean. You're right. It is worse when your mates are there. Like if it's just a random and you're like, you're like, yeah, yeah.

And then you look and you take a picture. Some of the dicks I've seen at Amfield. And then also in your wanking. Like the half time piss at Amfield. some of the old, like, I have to look, because I just want to know what genre of cock I'm next to

to, because there's so many different, like... Oh, so many different penises. Oh, my God. Some of many different bellens, one might say. Yeah. Well, there was a fella next to me

at the preseason game in the toilet. And he had, like, the maddest thing I've ever seen, he had nothing but bellend and then loads of horsekin after him. He's a bagman. Notting but bellend. Yeah, honestly.

Like, like, very short shaft. There was no shaft. Really, like, no shaft. But then quite a large bell end, like stuck to his mon's pubis. And then what looked like? Oh, he wasn't ready for that Latin words. Like a toad store.

Yeah. Yeah? Well done. Yeah. Like he'd have to unru... Yeah. You know what? I think men have quite a lot of...

We have varied words for our knobs. Yes. You know what I mean? There's a couple that we have, like, for vagina that, like, I think Minge seems a bit disgusting. You see, I have an issue with vagina because the vagina is not the vulva.

The vagina is like your neck and then this, your mouth is the vulva. So when you guys call this the vagina, that's not the vagina. But if a lad went, oh, you've got a lovely vulva. I'd be like, I love your correct biology. No, you wouldn't.

Let me put your penis in my mouth right now. I love that. The vulva on you. But I just feel like vagina's not, I also wouldn't be like, oh yeah, your vagina. We don't use vagina. Like, it's pussy.

Yeah, but pussy's so gross. No, but it's the right way. No, it's not in sex. Also, what are you talking during sex? So if your fellow is like, Kyla, get your pussy out, I want to mottie. My husband would never refer to my vulva as my pussy. What would he call it? He just wouldn't talk about it.

We don't talk. He just points. We just point off the lights. We turn off the lights. Also, why are you telling me? Like, I know it's lovely. Why you never say fucking, what is this? No talking?

No, not really. Would he just do stern, South African dirty talk? He's a very, he... You're a kind woman. I really enjoy. I like you. I think you're going to be a great mother. It's so nice to be naked with you, Carla.

Once again, exceptional. That is. That is exactly your... Listen, you're turning me on. I'm going to be honest. Has he ever said Joan Alomou

Joe Nolome? What? Do you know who Jonah Lobo is? No. Wow, he does. Do you mean like, Azzie's going to cut him? How about we veer off, my husband?

How about that? No, we veer off and know something else? I can't believe you don't have any sort of like chat about your bits in the second. Well, I'll tell you what, when I lived in Italy, I think I was more, I was more comfortable in Italian. I just feel like in Irish accent, it's always going to sound threatening. I don't, I think in Irish accent, you're not going to get like, I'm like, oh, I'm wet, wet, wet, wet. I got a soft tea. Take off your shirt, my shirt, your shirt, your shirt, your shirt, like, I just don't see it.

I kind of like it. Like, do you know what, like, obviously, like, traditionally I will, I will take the lead in the bedroom. but if she's ever like, get your knob out I like it. Oh, I wouldn't ever. Yeah. Knob?

Get your knob out. That's what you'd say to someone in the end. Get your bell end out. Is she saying, stop having sex with me? Get your knob out of me. Like, get your knob out. I've had enough. We're calling that.

The hamstrings go, what would you guys do dirty stuff? It's cock, in it? It depends. No. Oh, dick. It's either of them to. Nob is like.

I say Pee. and testicles. If I went off, not seen childish. Did the penis and testicles? Show me. Let me witness your penis. Witness the penis.

Let me witness your penis now. That's what I say. I love when your balls hit my bum. Maybe it's because she's from Manchester. Get your knob out. Yeah? She's like getting a knob out.

I feel like as well, people who do sexy talk with them, they don't look at you or like make eye contact. Pussies. Who's this? Just some people do that. I'd love to see your pussy, but I'm looking at the seat.

Well, some people are all like, are very porned up, aren't they? Some people are very porned up now because of how sexual. Oh my God, I don't know if I'm allowed to say this in the podcast. You guys interview Dilly Phillips. You're last to say that. Yeah, people know. Oh, I know, but I don't know if like you don't want to intertwine. I don't know.

That is, she definitely intertwines. Am I right? That's not the tone we tried to see. That was very interesting because I actually find Blanny Boo kind of, Blanny. That's the Irish. This is why I don't do sexy town. Oh, Blonibu. Blondie Boo.

Blanny Castle. Bonnie Blue. I find her quite a fan when I don't watch stuff she's in but I finally Philip's quite lovely. She's the evil one that's why. Yeah,

she's evil one. She's the evil one. Lily, you're like, I can save you. Yes. I can save you. Well,

Lily had done Carl and Harry's other podcast, which is sort of like a bit more of a proper interview and a deep dive on who you are, why you're doing what you're doing.

And did you feel like you connected with her? Yeah. It was in person for the first time we used to Zoom. And she was just not. Like, she's just not. which is a compliment to me.

Like she's not like some big porn fucking robot. She was a bit different on this though, wasn't she? Yeah, she was more of a character. But this is a little bit intimidating, I think. Yeah. Yeah, I think this isn't like,

when you're coming into this situation, you're like, you know, like, I've only been here like five minutes. Adam's like, I love when I was in bed and I'm like, I'm like, um. That's what I heard. That's what I heard.

Adam wants to fuck me. That's weird. And I think Dan wants to fuck Simon and that's weirder. No. But we taught you... Don't allow me. We taught you at dinner what to nag was, nagging.

You'd never heard that time before. No, I had heard it, but I didn't know. I'm... I get lost in cultural... Everyone just relax. Everyone relax. Everyone relax. He's being very well-behaved. Okay.

I get lost with stuff and then I feel like it's too late to ask and then... Yeah, I just don't care about looking it up. So I had heard it and I actually thought it was something sexual, to be honest. It kind of is. It kind of sounds like pegging. It's like pegging. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you guys said it's just somebody being negative,

but trying to fancy, they fancy you and they're being in to you. Yeah, undermine flirting. Undermining flirting, which is what all women love. Do she. Yeah, it's kind of like that's fucking shit. Don't mind it on your head.

Now get your knob out, girl. Get your knob out. 2026. Witness my penis. Witness my penis. Do you think anyone's ever tried that on you? Now that you know what it is, do you think anyone's ever like,

no, tried to neg you? I don't think so. not that girl though. Like, I'm not that woman. Like, I'm not that woman that you go up and be mean to. I'll just kick the shit out of you. I won't never. Like, I'm not. I don't think like that. They're being nice in a mean way.

Yeah, even that. That wouldn't impress me. I can't remember if they did. And if they did, I don't have a positive reaction to it. I like encouragement. I'm a very encouragement-based person. I like positive reinforcement. So if you were a single woman again? Yeah. How would be best to flirt with you in a bar? Ask him for a friend. I,

I, well, this has been a little bit of a plot twist. Just like that. I would, I would, I would love with someone, you know, one time I was working really hard

and a guy was like in Italy, he was like, oh my God, you're such a hard worker. And I was like, give me your cock. Witness my penis. That is a good one.

I love, I just love, like nice, genuine compliments. It makes me feel really good. Yeah, but when you, if you're single and a guy who you're not into

starts giving you compliment. Isn't it only from the people that you already kind of like? I think someone just being simpy. I think physical compliments are when there's a vibe. I think that compliments about my work ethic can be given by even the creepers. What if you're in a bar

and some guy comes up and goes, you worked hard today? You go, how the fuck did you know? Well, you made that weird now. I don't know why, but you made it weird. How would he know you're the hard way? He's only just seeing you. All he's got is... Well, a lot of the times, when I worked in the bars, the lads would come in at the beginning of the match or after work and then today for a few hours.

Oh, so they've seen you work out. I also like people that make me laugh. Yeah. I like that. I like, uh, I like, uh, you're safe. You're seen juicy.

You'll laugh and cry. Do you like pickup lines, but they were? Yeah, I like, like a cheesy pickup line. I think that's very fun. But as I've been out of the game along,

because even before Simon, like I was done. Because you know, like you know, like you know, at the minute you sit down, you fucking know. And I just got to a point where I was like, my life is too good.

And I was just like managing a health cafe thing. And I was like, I'm not. I got enough plans to order with my friendships and everything else. Like, I'm done. So I was,

I'm out of the game of very, maybe it's different now. And maybe back then I was, you know, a little bit more in my 20s. You'd be a bit more insecure. You know, like wanting the approval of like the dickhead.

I don't know. But no, I don't think. Yeah. I was never that. Now when you're 30s, you secure enough to know that nagging wouldn't work.

Yeah. I'd be like, oh God, I want to be noticed. Yeah. I also think in Ireland we'd kind of take the piss a bit. Maybe that's nagging. Yeah.

Yeah. We kind of roast each other. I like that. Yeah. You've got to hold your own in a Irish pub in terms of a church. Like one time I was working in a pub and there was a guy I met Kyle and he wasn't my type physically, but he was so funny. He had the same name. Huh?

Yeah. It was just me basically. I'm talking about myself. It was a really dark time. I'm actually you. I'm a lot of sap puppets. Very dark time. And I used to always.

he was the chef and used to make me big portions he's like, you're a big girl, so you need it. And I was like, shut up. I got loved it. I was like, yeah, you know, you're going to fucking survive with the winter with me, cunt. I just loved it. Yeah, yeah.

So maybe that, maybe that is negging, right? Yeah, that's got a bit of it. Yeah, yeah. You need a big portion, you're a big girl. Yeah, yeah. I like being a big gal, though. I like being a big woman. I like it.

I like it. I enjoy it. Jesus, Kylie, you got some thighs on you. Strong. I mean, in Ireland, lads. Nothing wrong with that. I'll tell you what. all these, but now that I'm living in London,

sure all the women are a bloody tiny little, you know the women that sit on the, you know when you're in a bar and there's a woman sitting on a stool with all her limbs are on the stool. You know what I'm saying? And they sit like this like a drink and you're like,

if I sat on a stool and no backrest, I'm like fucking quasi-modo, lads. Hey, that's a bit, that's almost like 20 years ago though, in it? Where all, like, it feels like the idea of the perfect woman was size six and super skinny.

No, it's not. My algorithm has not caught up to it because I've got some cocaine sheik or some, cocaine sheep, Skinny is back. Oh no, I've got some

creatine women on my... It's crazy how it comes back so quickly and then everyone gets so skinny so quickly isn't it? No way. Yeah, I think,

you know, I think like if you're a real man you want a woman who could fucking put a trailer if the tractor breaks down, do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, broad back. Broadback.

That's what you want. Broadback. So if her man said, you've got a broad back with that work. Yeah, yeah. Simon always comments on my back and how strong my back is.

He does. He thinks it's fantastic. He's like, will you help me move this tree? I'm like, let's go. Tree. He's like,

this tree has fallen. We need to harvest the wood. Let's go, babe. And I'm like, oh, I'm going to witness your penis later. Do you live in the forest? We live in a forest.

Yeah, we actually created our own forest for that kind of way. How would, how would you like to be picked up done? Not like picked up. I mean, like, if I was single. Yeah.

Like, if you were in a bar and you just, you know, you took yourself out. It's a Thursday afternoon. It's not your week the kids. You sat at a bar. We've already discussed the co-parenting. Have a week off.

Yeah. It's your week off. You sat at the bar. You're having an Aprol spritz. Thursday afternoon. You're reading your magazine. I'm telling you she's got to have a broadback when she's coming over. Fies. Oh yeah. I want a muscle mummy who's like, I've just finished the gym. Yeah. Polish off that. Apparel spritz. We'll go to the gym again.

Yeah, yeah. Yes. I'm so I think because I've been out of the game for so long, I worry how little of a compliment you'd have to give me for me to be like yeah somebody's interested yeah nice magazine lad good housekeeping i've got a magazine i've got an aprol spritz and a good housekeeping magazine wow she's not got a dick yeah that's that's when you know you've been out of the game for so long when a guy gives you a comp you a woman don't know marriage with a woman didn't work out what

magazine would you be reading them what that magazine that's like what's the man one mental health auto trader gq Men's health, it'd be surely for you. Because I'm old. I thought men's health was like for the... Yeah, no, men's health. That is in my field of interest. I thought you were having to dig.

No, mental health is like, I'll go in the gym, looking after you're safe. Yeah, men's health is great, but men, all their health needs, and it's lovely. You'd love it. Yeah, I'd be reading that with an apparel. Express.

He said an essay and a book you've never read. Yeah, about men. Yeah, men's health. It's about, you know, men's health. Are you a magazine girl? I'm a book girl. A book girl. Big book, big book reader.

You got a favourite book. It's sitting behind you actually. She wrote a book. How long was I been there? We just put it there. Jesus. Oh, it's that wrong, Graham Norton. Yeah, yeah, amazing, isn't it?

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, well, no, you can put that back. My favorite book is, it's a great book. What's it called? Happy Thank You More, please. There you go. What did you ask me, Adam, my favorite book that I've read this year?

I just said favourite book, but you can answer that whatever you like. Are you into like the fantasy smut? No, you also said smot. Is that a Liverpool thing? No, it's a pretty, it's a... Romanticy or the sort of fantasy. No, I'm into... I love like a criminal detective thing.

See, I think if I ever get into reading, that's going to be my thing. If I ever, it's like a threat. Oh, if I ever get into reading, you are fucked. If I ever improve myself, you are going to be fucked. I bought a book to the day that I'm going to give a go. Oh, that's called. Stoner.

stoner and what's it about it's about a teacher who goes to a lecture about English literature and it changes his life apparently it's one of the best books of all time now is it a fiction

or is it a nonfiction it's not real Kailah he's not going to read it it doesn't better Kailah I read yesterday year recently that was absolutely brilliant and if you guys were book people

you know that's like the book of the year it's been very talked about I'm listening to audio books yeah what are you listening to at the moment right now I'm listening to the fourth wing which is Oh, well, I actually picked that up in the bookshop in the airport because I've heard so much about fourth wing.

Is it good? It's like, it's fantasy smut light. Yes, yes, I know, but is it good? Like, are you enjoying it? Yeah, I'm saying, but if you say you're not into that kind of thing. Well, I read anything. I read there's a book's called Captain Blueburn and his 13 and a half lives, which is about Zamonia and it's made up place.

And yeah, I'm losing the room here. Yeah, it's well built. Yeah, yeah, it's very interesting. Well, if you like a nonfiction, there's an author called Oliver Sacks, who's a neurologist, and he's passed away now, Godress the Soul, and he wrote a book called The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat, which is all his memoirs, because he used to work with people with brain injuries,

and then the consequence of those brain injuries, and like what would happen. And one of them was a man who thought this hat was his wife, but it was completely convinced. But it goes through all these memoirs, and at the end, it kind of comes to the fact that between medical and the spiritual world, he was like, I've studied and started my whole life, but there's just more that we can't explain.

And it's so beautiful. I like you. Yeah. What's it called? The man who mistook his wife. wife for a hat by Oliver Sacks. But any of his books, you read any of his memoirs, they are, like, talk about a subject

that is so in depth and he puts it in primitive language for like me to, as a bartender to understand it. Incredible man. That's the skill of great writing, isn't it? Oh my God, just something else. We're just like, I just want to eat your brain, bro. So interesting. So is that you're like chill? You just sit with a book in bed. Yeah. Isn't that mad?

That's my fantasy, you know? Just sit in bed, in bed and read and not need to go on this or put something on the telly. I know. I know. I know, and a good book as well when you're like lost in it. Oh my God. I just call.

I don't know if I've ever been lost in a book. Yeah, well, the Beatles. Have you rode, um, road? Have you read John and Paul? That, about their friendship? I've got it for my holiday. Yes. I probably won't read it, but I've got it.

But try. Don't say that because then definitely won't. Yeah. You know what I mean? Do try and read. I've got recommended that a few times. Apparently it's absolutely incredible. Like genuinely.

Also, you know what? Small print. Absolutely motherfucker. You need a big print book. Like the words. A hungry, caterpillar. Hey?

Like the hungry hungry catapella. Not that big. That's why audio books work. I'm still reading the book. Someone's just reading it for me in my years. I know. Yeah. I agree with you.

I agree with you. No, but I'm saying I can't focus. Yeah, yeah. I will do the thing where you read the page and go, I looked at that and don't know what it said.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that happens to a lot of people. Yeah. Well, our dopamine is fucked. Yeah. I mean,

because of phones, of course, that's trying to focus is almost impossible. I can't read long email anymore. Yeah. I got read out loud. But the woman does voices on the audiobooks

I'm like, how I know what he looks like yeah, which is also great for your mind well I did my audiobook myself and it was such a fun experience

you for the yeah like I read my own audiobook and that was so fun three days actually really enjoyed it and I read for like 10 minutes and the guy who was producing it

he's lovely like a little bit of Dewee but absolutely lovely and he was like Kylie you read for 10 minutes straight not even professionals do that and I was like

thank you thank you about my work I think bro no I'm all about the professionalism that's another neg because he's not calling you professional.

No. No, no, that's... Well, I'm not a professional. Don't take this away from me. That was a lovely thing to say. You are a professional? You've written a book? Six hours long, the audiobook.

How do you know that? It's on audible. Yeah, it was... Well, it took three days to... Is it unaudible already? For a pre-order. Oh, thank you, Finn. It must have cost a lot out if you film for three days,

and there's only six hours of footage. There's no footage. It's a voice. They're going to watch me read it in the fucking... Video books? I think that's what podcasts are. They're called films. That's a film.

I've got an idea. Turn a book into a video. Movies. Movies. I know what's the new video book of that fucking Batman? I think we've done that joke before. You know? Is there any voices?

No, just my voice. So are you talking about anybody else? Does anybody else speak in the book? No. Oh. What's it about? It's about just memoir. So it's my relationship with gratitude and spirituality.

And then just my in my 20s moving to Italy. and when I got arrested and I got framed and when I was in Italy I got framed for international drug smuggling. You're trying to be Amanda Knox. No, I'm not. Although what about her going to Edinburgh?

Yeah, we're trying to get it on Matt that season three so please reply to our emails. Amanda? Yeah, she'll be watching this. Actually, you know what? I'm her fucking target market. Look at me, Amanda.

You got framed for international drug smuggling? Yeah, with the intent to sell. I got framed. Isn't that crazy? It is, yeah? I got framed. I was helping this guy with packages, had no idea

that there was drugs from them. genuinely, I swear. And I know. the first, the whole first sentence feels like, but you're so annoying. No,

you're not so annoying. Everyone's like, obviously, I'm like, I come from a really small place. It's not crazy that someone needs help, but I'll help you.

I know an Irish guy who was sailing some guy's boat from A to B for them. Where's he gets his clothes? On the boat was drugs. And he got stopped and he's like, I didn't know.

I was like, how didn't you know? He's like, I just, because in Ireland that's like the crack. He just like, some guy asked me to sail his boat for him so,

I had an uncle that was flying into Colombia and landing in the field and then flying back and he had no idea that he had 800 kilograms of cocaine. He's just a nice guy. When you say framed, you know,

framed normally means you didn't do it? I think you got set up, didn't you? I got set up and then the police thought it was me so they followed me, they arrested me, took my passport and everything and then we had to catch the guy. You joined the police? You did a film?

You said, Phil. That should be a film. Phil. Phil. No, he's from Australia. Oh, that's okay. His name isn't really Phil. Oh,

this could make a great video book. Honda. You know, it's so funny when I got arrested as well, I was in the police station and I was so, I just couldn't understand what's going on.

And they were like, you can call your lawyer. And I was like, my fucking lawyer. I was like, I don't even have a dentist. What are you talking about? My fucking lawyer.

I was like, 26. I was like, what are you talking about? Oh my God. terrifying terrifying it's a good teaser

for your book though I kind of want to see and I tried to do it on stage but it's just too long and too and it was also quite moving some of the bits because it was very scared

like I could have got I could have been put in jail for seven years how old were you at the time Kyle like 26 or 27 so you'd be out now yeah fair

that's still terrible Adam are you joking I wouldn't have met Simon unless he was a criminal or maybe a guard or something which would be

kind of hot Might be a lesbian. I'd be a lesbian. But you might be a lesbian. I'm a little bit of a lesbian already. I don't think... I think if I went to prison, I'd be the king of prison.

Sorry. You'd have a girlfriend within the first few hours. I think I'd just have a harem of women and I don't think it would be sexual. I think I'd just be like, you know what, we can always be nice to each other and have a great time in here. Selica says the same thing.

Who? My wife says the same thing. She would be someone's... It doesn't work that way. No, it does, but you don't know that. It's the big scary girls. No, you're just thinking. you of orange is new black. You've no evidence base for that.

You're just saying that for no reason. So you think I could be charismatic? Yeah, I could, no, not like a sleepover. But I think I could make everyone just be sound and be like, you know what, lads, let's relax. My uncle went to prison and he said he went in with the intent of just being like everything's going to be sounds, a bit of a arc case, you know what I mean? Yeah. And he said in the end, he just had to bum a few fellas so he never got bummed. No way. He had to bum people.

They didn't want to, but he was like, I'm just going to have to. Oh my God. Well, I don't think women would do that though. I think women's prison be very different to men's present because men like... What do you mean? I have, I genuinely have this conversation with my wife so often. She's like, it's full of horrible women.

No, no, but car look at what happened in the world and it's all men. Yeah, but prison's full of horrible women? He's all killed each other and destroyed. And destroyed everything. That's what your crack is when you're left to your own devices. Women wouldn't do that. What do you think women's prisons full of prison?

Women's from... Women's prisons are full of women who are criminals. sat on Bachelor Stills. I'm gonna match it. I think that there would be definitely scary women but like I could totally get around that.

I'm very charismatic. Yeah, that would work. Yeah, yeah, they would love you. Yeah, yeah,

they would love me. But then somebody who's running who's a big and audible would be like, fuck her, she's not taking my thunder

and then you've got to fight. I wouldn't. I'd be like, oh my God, have your thunder. Genuinely, I'd be like, oh my God,

take it. I don't need it at all. I'm delighted. She'd ate that answer as well. What? No, no, What did you say? She'd hate that answer.

She wouldn't hate that answer because it's genuine. You don't like answers when someone's like, oh my God, I don't care. You do you. That's annoying.

But if I'm like, oh no, you do you, that's genuine. You're like, I will do me. I'm really going to see you in prison. I'd be amazing at prison.

I'd just start running a gig, man. Yeah. But literally, you become a source though. Yeah. And I'd be like, leave Adam. He's sound,

he's funny him. Yeah. And then you just bum a few lads so you don't get bombed. And then you'd bum the biggest one. You bum the biggest one. Is it like bullies? I think this would be in lieu of any bumming.

I'd be like, hey, you don't bum me. I won't bum you. And, you know. Oh, I'm on. Don't bum, Adam. He runs the giggle hut. Every Thursday night. The giggle hush.

In cell 19. I think I'd be doing like 20 minutes of new stuff a day. Would you know? You try and come out with a fucking... This food, right? Bump, p. Yeah, I think, yeah, I just think, I think, Carol, that you've a really negative, really negative.

really negative. I think you should believe in yourself more. I think that... No, I don't want to, I would... Prison would be awful. Oh,

but a man. You don't think you'd thrive? No. Even in a bad situation, you don't think you'd get through. No, because I haven't got the tools that you need to thrive in prison. I guess I don't need sound engineers.

I'm not one of them either, so that would fucking tell. What are you? Right now, I'm the host of this podcast. Who's nicking now? Now! Now! Sound engineer is a great role.

Yeah, not we need a host. Oh, I thought you guys were the hosts. I mean, yeah. And this was just the gang. Obvious mistakes. Are you a host? I don't know.

You're not. When he goes on holiday, yeah. Carl, it's Finn that's bringing you down. I don't know. He's dragging your host. You need to be able to fight and be nasty and I just, I'm an assed. Yeah.

I'd be like, can we all just be sweet? And people like, no, you're getting bummed and you're getting punched. I know. You'd have a cock of the mouth before those are going to finish the sentence. Oh, they both are you? No, you're getting bummed. And you're just be, getting punched, that was just both at you.

No, it was two of us in the cell. Like, oh, because you can't bum two people at once, but you can bum a bunch. Who's coming into the cell to say this? The man who's bumming and punching? The bum puncher. The Batman villain, isn't it? The bad punchers on the loose again.

You can bum someone and punch someone else at the same time. Yeah, donkey punch. Yeah, like, fuck off. This prison's gone to shit, hasn't it? Yeah. I just, I'll go in there and be like, listen, I'm just going to hit me head down. I mean, I would try and keep my head down.

Of course, I would. I'm not trying to go in there and be like... Also, I feel like I might Shawshank Redemption and be like, I'll read you books if you want. Out loud. I'd be your audiobook. That's a good idea. Yeah, you could read out loud for people. I'd like story time.

Everyone would sit down. You could be like a guide. Yeah. And I, yeah, we'd all think up on our menstruation and everyone'd be like, what's happening? And I'm like, yeah, we can overtake the prison. The sisterhood. Yeah, yeah. And all the male guards.

I'm like, we can keep them in closets and just... I do always think it's mad that like, uh, there's not more revolts in prison. Because like at lunchtime they're all there, aren't they? Yeah, but the lads have guns. Yeah, but they can't kill all of you before you get the gun off them. But they're not to kill one.

Yeah, but like you just like... Because when someone's dead, you're not going to continue bumming. Or fighting, whatever it's happening in the air. I just think like you could overpower the guards. There was a famous revolt in Strange, was it Strange Way? They got on the roof for like days. I always think Strangeway sounds like a supermarket me. Strange Ways.

Like Safeway. It's a prison in Manchester. Oh, really? An English one? It's the bad one. Oh, is it? It's like if you're like burying kids on fields and that,

they send you strange ways. Oh, go away. Yeah, yeah. So is it? And it's called strange ways. Yeah. It's like he's got strange ways. That's very dark for a prison name.

Is that what you guys call it? Is that what's actually called? It's called strange. Spooky. Yeah. It's a pretty rough one. But they had a revolt where they took over the prison, got on the roof and then the people were like,

what do you want? They were like, oh, they don't know, helicopter. on April Falls, which is a bit mad. Only messing. We're going back at 12. How long did it last? Three weeks.

Like, they, but then at the end. How many? No, one prisoner, one, one police, uh, prison officer. That's fair. You've had one each. Yeah. Uh, call it quits. Call it quit.

But everybody involved just went to prison for longer. Yeah, I know, I mean, here, totally. Yeah, but now they know they can just get on the roof whenever they want. Yeah. I mean, I would, I would, I think I would really struggle with having an outdoor space as well, you know that. Yeah, that's what they got in the roof because they were like, fuck you.

You're not keeping us in, staying out. So is it the kind of prison where you go in and you don't get out again? Is it like an... No, I don't think so. I think it's Cat A, Strange Ways. I think it's Cat A.

Pretty sure it's Cat A. Is it? It's the worst of the worst. Oh, is it? What's Cat A? Is it Ian Brady in there? Oh, right. Ian Brady's dead, but he was in Broadmoor.

You know a lot of a prison car. I'm still like criminology, yeah. Ian Brady. Yeah, I'm really interested in it as well. I really didn't, too. Like prison is fascinating. Ian Brady was in strange ways. Because it's so bad, isn't it for you?

Like, it doesn't actually rehabilitate anyone. I've had this conversation. Oh, Kyle, you're playing his hits. He fucking loves this. There's different reasons for prison and everyone's got their own idea of what prison is for and everyone's just different.

Like, what do you think prison's for? Like, the number one reason for prison existing? Well, I think it's reinforcement. No. Yeah, so there's that. For me, it's money. It's business. No, no, no.

I mean, I mean, in societal way, to protect the, okay, that's another one, protection. There's, there's,

there's, uh, what's the way when you're trying to stop someone doing something? Prevention. Prevention of crime. There's,

it's all of those things, isn't it. It's not, it's not, it's just one. It's all of those things. People have got, people have got,

like, this is the number one. For me, prison is for rehabilitation. It's to come out and not be the person where when you went in. Yeah.

For other people, it's like, put them in it's a fucking rot. he's done a crime. Fuck them. They should be punished. And they thought, this is like,

oh, that exists so crime doesn't happen because people don't want to go, like there's so many different reasons. Yeah. Well, have you seen these reels where it says, is this a London apartment for a rent

or a Swedish prison cell? Yeah. It's so much, it's so funny, isn't it? Because in Scandinavia, they do an amazing job for rehabilitation. Yeah.

Like, actually amazing job and the prisons are like shutting down because everyone's just being great. Do you know I found out this week that, you know, in Norway, which is close enough to Sweden, I suppose.

Yeah, yeah, Scandinavia. Right next one. They fuck before they go on a date. They fuck first. Yeah. So they have sex. Have we spoke about this?

Yeah. They have sex and they only go on a date if there's like good bed camp. That can't be true. Is it? That's it. Yeah, there's like a cultural thing with young people where it's like, oh, I like you. We should we should hook up. And the first hook up isn't like a first date, spend three hours together and then decide it's just like bang.

I would just never have a parent. I would be my worst nightmare. Really? Oh my God. But would you get to weed out all the gims? What? Wouldn't you get to weed out all the people you'd not connect them with?

But how do you connect with someone just physically without knowing them emotionally? No, I agree, but I'm saying you'd feel certain. You would have felt something with your husband straight away. Yeah, but it wasn't sexual. No, no, no. If you did have sex, you'd have gone, oh, there's something there.

Oh, I don't think so. First time me and Simon had sex. I mean, it was like, one, it took us weeks because I was sober and he was just like, I was so hard to even do. We didn't even kiss for weeks and weeks and weeks. Then we did it, and it was not, it was not fireworking.

I was like, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. That's quite lovely, isn't it? Yeah, it was so lovely, but if that happened the first time, I wouldn't be like, oh, yeah, I'm going to witness your business? Oh, no, it took me a lot. I'm not a very sexual person, though, but that would make me very nervous, like, very nervous having to make love the first time. The first time me and my, Mrs. had sex, it was a bit bumpy.

It's very bumpy, but it takes time, lads. It takes time, you can't. What are you laughing at fit? You've just been airdropped by one of the salmon engineers. Strange ways, notable former inmates. Ian Brady, Charles Bronson and David Dickinson. Sorry. David Dickinson, cate.

No, David Dickinson is? No. The orange guy who done the bargain stuff on the telly. Give me 20 quiz. What was that saying? No way. That was his catchphrase. And what about the other guy?

I know Branson because of Tom Hardy. Ian Brady was a child killer. Allegedly. He buried them all on the Moors. Allegedly. No, no. dib time with his partner. Why are you saying allegedly?

I just think he was Mr. Mitha Hindley is. No, I don't know anything to be honest, I know very little about stuff. The hill where he was buried him, I know, and I want to know more. So him and his partner killed kids and bade them on the moose?

Allegedly. As in, Myra Hindley. Yes, well, he did. Ian Bleeding. No, we're just going to be, we're going to check. It was. Allegedly.

She looks a bit like my mum as well. Oh, God, does she? Now that is, allegedly. Why did David Dickinson go to Strangeway? Is that a joke? To get to the other side. It's no point. Tell me why I need to know.

He did mail order fraud. He gave him to Digginson goes to strange race. Give me trade grids. Do you get it? Sorry, mail order fraud. And he went to Katte. Right. That seems a bit.

Was he famous? No, he was 19. I want to say something. I think that when I first came to this podcast, it's not clear the roles. So it wasn't me undermining your position as host. I did not, felt on the mind. Okay, good.

I'm very secure. Are you on a bit of anxiety there? I'm not having anxiety, but I also don't want card to think I don't appreciate what he's doing here because I do. I'm very hard worker. I'm very secure at my position,

don't you worry. I felt it. It would take more than that. Finn, you don't even know what you are here, so don't come out of me, right? No anxiety there. Kyla, when we started, it was just me and Adam.

And then we were like, oh, we're the host. Yeah, I know. And then Carl became the producer and then had a mic. Finn for months and months didn't even have a mic. He said, he was sat there. Yeah. It's not an easy. But within two years.

It's not clear. It's not clear. You need to do a family tree. You need to do an, I have a word, family tree and all the different branches. Yes. It just had to sit there. It's set there. It's, it's not.

And smile. And then honestly one day We gave him a mic Like he was a fucking Savanagh getting his fist up I used to have to wait I have to wait I have to wait until I thought I had something gold

I'd tap Carl on the shoulder Like a child I'd give him my mind and say Please can I speak now Yeah well there you go You wanna earn this shit Carla I listen I'm all about it I completely agree

But I just want you to know that like You know you guys tap and change a lot It's not abundantly clear This is a much more host environment fit like aesthetically. I'd say as a co-host. Yeah, yeah, you're behind all the cameras. Well, he was a producer that became more important than the title of producer.

I just want you to know that I respect your position. And he's a shit sound engineer. I also want to put out there. Sound engineer is an incredible job. And he's great, isn't it? Are you a sound engineer? Genuinely? No.

He is. You are. I'm not a sound engineer. No, but you're good at sound. You're a music, man. A musician? Yeah, but I'm not a sound in here. Every musician's a sound in here.

If we've got a sound issue in ear, you fix it. Yeah, there you go. There you go. There you go. You got it, Finn. You'll get there. One day. One day, I'll make.

We don't get to talk. 27. It just sat. It's so bad. Why is it bad? I was, I was in a nice time. Of course. It's just funny, knowing now how much you bring to the table.

From the outside. Oh. the Irish wing. She did the Irish wing. Damn. It's an absolute dag at that. I kind of wanted that. I love those videos. Yeah. I love when you do that. They're in the vein of my life. You know that. Because I did it. It's one of the first ones that went big, big viral, like over like the 8, 9 million. And people are like, oh, after one video, hey, overnight success. And I'm like,

yeah. I'm like 10 years of Instagram, 10 years of doing stories every fucking day sharing everything and everyone thinks. And then they're like, can we get away for photographs? They want me to go. and I'm like, no, I just never do it anymore. I'm like, no, no, no. Is that the thing that really blew it up? No, it's not. No.

It's just the thing people remember. And I think it's such a close-up of my face and it's just the one that they recognize me from. Like, it's what brought me from an all-female audience to men, I think. Right, okay. I think. I don't know. Because the one that I remember blew you up, but that's the first time I saw you

was the one where you're on the beach in Barcelona. Yeah. And you're talking about Simon being away in another country. And you were just losing it. and it was part of your mental cycle and you were like, fucking so fuming with him and you deleted him.

So that must have been part of the, the big part of it. Yeah, well, I've been doing content. Like, I make daily stories where I just talk in the camera. You would never watch them like proper fan stories

where I'll just get up in them every morning. Like, hey, good morning and I talk about all different things, not necessarily funny at all. Like yesterday I was talking about very dark stuff and I talk about all these things

and chat to everyone and that's what built by Instagram. It wasn't like one or two funny videos. Like, what sells me tickets is my relationship with people who've celebrated me and supported me since day one. But what goes on as a reel

where you're actually just and then you subtitle that. Yeah, what goes on real is I just like I did one this morning I knew was funny and I'd just go and do it and I'll put up and I don't do any editing. I just put it in and I put it up and I that's it. And it's so liberating because I don't give a fuck.

I'm so glad I went that way instead of the other way because I could not do it. I'm so envious of it. I'd fucking love to happen. I know. I've tried to do it. I've tried to do like,

like be funny to this camera and I've tried to think what could be my niche of it and stuff. Yeah. And it's just, I just haven't found either a way to do it or what my thing is. But you do it and you get it succinct as well.

Like I what you get your funnies over. Your personality is in it. Yeah. But it's, it can often just be like 35 seconds. Yeah. Oh, now I do them as short as possible.

That's what I'm learning with my stats. It's people's brains are gone. So I get 30 seconds. And what I used to do is do it like a joke on stage where I'd build, build, build, punchline. Now I do. This is the funny thing. And this is why it's fun.

funny and that works. So it's very different to stand up. Whereas I'll be like, you know, like, yeah, exactly what I just said. Sorry, I don't want to repeat myself. Yeah, yeah, you start with the funny and then you have to explain. You've got to get people straight away. Yeah, you straight away. And then I think because I have it so close to my face and I think people just know me

as that girl and then that's, but it's been years, like years and years and years. Like, no, it's great. But like when I was on like even 300, 400, 400 followers, really is the biggest cringe ever. You know what I mean? You, when you hit a million, you showed all the times you hit a milestone. Yeah. Before that. And I hadn't realized how you did the glove of the milestone at like a thousand followers.

Yeah. It was a piss take of. Remember the bloggers would get those huge balloons. Yeah. Because I started doing it because as a woman, I felt there was no representation of a normal woman, you know. And I started doing it because of that. And then I would do the little blow up latex glove. But it was like me at work, like behind the bar with the glove.

And you know what I mean? It was such a fun journey. And I think it was just all normal women just having a great time, a bit of crack, being normal. It's just lovely. It's a lovely community online. People like real people.

Yeah, sure, of course. So, Kyla, when do you check out and go, right, I'm not doing that today? This, like, is there, is there regular days where you're like, I'm not giving that bit of myself? If I can't, if my cup is in full, I can't give. You know, and I don't decide that. Like, sometimes when I'm on tour and so like that

and I'm just tired or, and sometimes I feel when I'm going through something and I don't know how to articulate it's because I haven't processed it. Like, I'm really good. being strong in the moment, but then I need a moment to kind of break down and then process what I've kind of felt and then talk about it. And then I've never worked with brands or anything. I've never ever got sponsorship or worked with any brands because I want that freedom

to be able to just talk about what I want in the time and also about political things that I want to speak about and not feel obliged, you know, because I get it, even what you're talking about with the medical cannabis. Like there's some days where you don't want like something really narrowly could happen that's really sad in the world and then you're like, for 1299, we've got this and you're like, oh my, like it's not, it can be quite detrimental to your brand. you know what I mean so because I'm like I sell tickets

and my stuff that I've made my books my t-shirts my tickets and I'm so happy I don't need to be You don't need anything else no no I'm happy

once I can keep performing like I put on my show for Canada first time in Canada 13,000 tickets oh yeah first time in Canada wow

beautiful and that was all just from me watering the plant and giving and giving and giving and just talking to people and being nice and you know what's so beautiful

when people come see me they come and they've just come because they want to be to support me and then I'm good at it and they're like, oh my God, you're really good

and I'm like, yeah, I'm good. It's exciting. I hope you take this the right way because you've done our pod and obviously

there's so many people now who are touring as stand-ups who have got the following in order to sell those tickets by not doing stand-up right?

Yeah. There's loads of them and a lot of them aren't great at stand-up they're not. Yeah. And they go on tour

and either They do half the tour and then they fuck it off because it's not going well. Yeah. Or they do that tour and then they don't do another one because they're not quite good enough at it. And people have gone because they like the person from their phone and then like, I'll go and see them. And then they go, oh, they're not very good at this. Yeah.

I'd never seen your stand up. I'd seen your videos when you first came on the show. Yes. And then not long after that, you played the Epstein Theatre here. Yes. And my Mrs. Wentz, because she's been a fan of yours for years. We were there that night. That was the night. me and Laura.

And Dan and Laura went. And Dan sent me a voice note as he was leaving the theatre. Yeah. Talking about how great you are. He was like, that's so nice. She is not one of these people

who's doing stand-up because that's the only way to talk from being funny online. It's my purpose. This is a heavyweight stand-up comic. Yeah. It was really, really good. And that was a very difficult night.

Oh, it was a couple of people in. I would love for you to see me crush because that was a hard night. No, you crushed. Yeah, yeah. And also what I bulls off was watching the people around me, the three women in front of me.

Yeah. I might have seen some stand-up before. Yeah. That's great. Yeah. The connection you were making with the people who'd come to see you. Yeah, yeah. Is a thing that only a few comics get that level of connection.

I just love it, lads. I just love that moment where everyone's met in themselves and we're having such a giggle and I'm like, oh my God, life is good. And I love it. I'll say this, I've done a lot of crowd work in my stand-up career. Yeah. And when a comic on tour opens with too much crowd work, there's a bit of me where I'm like, I've seen this magic trick.

Yeah. Can you get to the prepared stuff? Yeah. You did maybe 20 minutes of crowd work. Yeah, not mine. It was fire, mate. Yeah, yeah, I go to crowd work. And you know, that's from working in shitty fucking pubs where there's no music on.

And I would sit there for hours and just riff and riff. And I know why I was even doing it. And now I absolutely love it. And I don't even think of it. Like when I first started, people used to get a bit ratty. I'm like, oh, you're not a standup. You're an improv. And I'm like, yeah, fine.

Call me improv. Whatever, bro. I don't care. Like, comedy's like 100 years old. There's no rules to it. Once they're happy, I'm happy. I love it. I love the crowdwork.

I love the banter. And also I love it. You know if it's not going well and people are not for it. I'm like, yeah, sure, let's tell some stories and have a bit of crack. What Carl's doing his first stand-up league next month, which we mentioned in the first half of the show.

Yes. Now, obviously because of this thing, it sold out in 34 months. I think the scariest of the, I actually said to him before that, it's harder going in when you've been built an audience because you're like, oh, he can't be shit. Of course.

You know what I mean? And I'm going to remind him of that every day and make him as nervous as possible. I feel the exact opposite. Yeah. That doesn't matter what he says. Yeah. Because I know of all support of Alfonso.

Have you got, as sort of the person who started stand up the most recent of the three comics in the room, have you got any advice for his first time on stage? Yeah, just like breathe. You know what I mean? Just like breathe and just like love it. Just try and love it. Because it's just always going to be a little bit.

It's just the most undescribable, unique situation. And it's very hard to grasp. And also, no matter how good you are, you can still be very shit, which is kind of terrifying, very humbling. Well, I've been on stage with these and been funny.

I've never been on my own, so it's obviously very different. It's so, yeah, yeah, you're just kind of like, wah, it's so, it's very,

probably the most present you'll ever feel, which is very beautiful, because you do feel very present because you're like, fuck me, bro, like, and I feel for me,

I think it's true art because there's nothing. I mean, there's nothing. You got a stool in a mic and you're like, this is on me and I love, and it's very empowering.

And when it goes well, Oh my God. I think it's the only time I genuinely feel present ever in my life. I'm always either looking forward or back. I'm either remembering something good or I can't wait for this to come around. The only time I'm not doing that is when I'm either competing. Like if I'm playing footy or paddle or whatever, FIFA, then I'm there. And if I'm on stage.

Well, if you think about that even on a different level, even for the audience, when you laugh, you're present. very few of us are present in this day and age because of content and the dopamine levels and stuff but when you're laughing you're the only time it's like meditation when you're laughing people are really laughing like you're just so so in that moment

and you feel that on stage when people are getting a proper giggle like it's very spiritual it's class I think breathe is a great bit of like I'm not it's so simple but for so many of the new comics I see oh my god you're like breathe just take a moment let them laugh yeah yeah let them laugh don't rush on yeah let them laugh

All day, just listen to Sean De Poir with blue can't travel. All day. I'm not all in blue guy. I'm just trying to get up there and just like embrace it. No, I'm going to be scared, but like I'm not going to die. Yeah. Oh, no, so you're not going to, it's scared as a... No, but I'm, I am nervous and I am a bit scared.

No, no. And you should be... And also, this isn't a good... That's not relative. That's not a... That's you convincing yourself that it's going to be fine. It won't. It'll be very crunchy and uncomfortable and exciting, but I'm fine. But I'm not fine. I think I'm telling myself

that I'll be fine with that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because why would I be amazing? I've never fucking done it before. Yeah. I think you are going to be sneaky. If I get a laugh, I'm like, oh, fuck. I mean, you're going to be very good,

because you're a funny person. I appreciate that. You know what I mean? I was a sound engineer. You're a great sound engineer. But you know what happens? Sometimes when you go up and people are going to be laughing. It's like, I didn't, when I did it and did it a few times.

And then my first, I remember my first time I crushed. Like crush. Like crush. And I couldn't remember a thing. I got off and I felt all this feeling and I was like, I can't even remember what I said. Yeah. I couldn't remember a thing.

Because I know, I'm not going to come off stage and go, because it's the same green rooms of stars and the eyes that we've just done. Yeah. It's going to be all easier. God, that was sick or lad, like,

I'm going to feel that same feeling regardless of what's happened. Yeah, yeah. I'm not going to come off. I'm like, fucking hell, I'm going to be a good night. Yeah.

Do you know what I mean? Like I'm gone, I know I'm going to feel good. I think the true right of passage is well, it's not. But I'm, If it's the only one, if it's not good, then it's funny, and it's like, fuck on that, laugh.

Do you think there's even a 1% chance that you enjoyed so much that you want to do it again? Yeah, I think there's a 1% chance. You'll do it again, you will. You think you won't, but it's like smoking. I just don't know in one situation. I'd do it again. See, I said, I think Carl will make a great,

some comics are suited to be in a compere. He's so quick. Yeah. And he does, oh my God, this is such a wank off Carl session. But he's one of those, and I think you're good at it. I love it when Mark Holwell. was one of my favour to watch.

Maybe not everyone's favorite comic, but he was great with crowd work because he genuinely likes people and he's genuinely interested and wants to learn about people and then it's good enough to make it funny.

I think if you've got that bit where you actually like people and you're interested and you're funny, I think you can be great with the comparing. I think too you're kind. And being kind is a lot.

Like, just not be me. I'm very mean, aren't they on stage? Yeah, but then knowing when to just have a little day. Oh yeah, definitely fucking. I know I'm going to come off and go, fuck me.

I can, I can visualise it. How long are you doing? I don't know. I'm sitting next week. You can do as little as long as he wants really. But I know, I've never been into like visualisation, but I know I'm going to, I can see it.

I can see where he stood and him go, and I know I'm going to go, fuck, that was great, wasn't it? And then go about my night and really. And no, I know I'm going to come off and go, oh, fuck and hell. And you know what? It'll make you a better podcast host because you'll understand what people have gone through. Totally.

I mean, I've worked in Sandor for so long. I've seen people's first gigs before. talking about that, Kyla. You're back over, you're living in London now. London? You've moved from Barcelona. Yeah. You've been fire on here a few times.

Yeah. Great on all the podcasts I've seen you on. Thank you. So are you purposely not starting your own podcast? Is it something, you know, you must have had some offers recently, like, as it's blowing up. Oh, geez, loads of offers. You know what it is, lads? It's a lot of work.

Yeah. It's a lot. I don't think people realise it. It's not going in and recording it anywhere. It's a lot of work. You need a good team around you. I think I was going to do a podcast as well. well, I wouldn't do grassroots to I do everything else.

Like, you know, just throw shit. I would do it high production and just trying to find the right team around me, wanting to spend time. And you know what as well? This might sound crazy. I'm an introvert. Like, I'm not a overly, like, this is today, like, this will be me now for like a day and a half.

I won't be talking to anybody. You know, like, I'm not. So I just, I want to do it. But I also am waiting for it to come to me. And I know, I think I'm a good businesswoman, not necessarily because I, like, I'm academic or have a background. but I have a great gut feeling and it just,

just nothing has kind of... Yeah, that's smart. It's a good thing to follow. Rather than doing something because you think you should because everyone else is doing it. There's a part of me that would love the financial stability

of a monthly thing coming in because that's the one thing about touring is that you're, you know, it's big chunks of money which is fantastic, but then you're like, oh, I've got to budget this and think about it.

So there's a part of me we're like, oh, I'll do it because of the money and then I started one and I was like, oh, actually, you know what? The money will come. And also I can always just work to a fucking waitress.

I don't care. But like it just, I think it will come and I think it'll be amazing. But I just don't want to force it because there's a lot out there, lads. Yeah. It's saturated. Like think about what you've built. How long have you been doing it? Nearly seven years.

Seven years. Like people think that they start and then this is the result. This chemistry, this vibe, this kind of level of patronism and stuff. And it's just not the case. You know, people who, comics who message me and go, oh, can I just ask how the money with Patreon works? And you're like, you haven't even done your first episode. So maybe get some of the fundamentals in place. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You haven't even done the fucking basic. And another thing, too, I'd like to do it more people. And I also would like, I don't like split screens. I don't like watching podcasts when people aren't in the room together. Oh, yeah. And I think that would be a big part of it if I did do it with someone. We've turned down some pretty big guests who've been like, I'd love to do your show, but we can't.

Yeah, but you're right. I think it works. So Carl and Harry's pod, mad that because that's more interviewy. And it's like, here's your question. give us an answer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But because this relies on the chaotic, you speak, we speak, they speak.

It's like being in a green room. It just wouldn't work for this at all. So we've had some really, really big international guests go, I'd love to do it, but I can't get to Liverpool and we're like, sorry. Okay, well then we won't have you on. It's just as simple as that.

I did Parent in Hell. What? I did Parent in Hell, the podcast. Is Ash, I'm... Rob Beckett and Josh Whitaker. Oh, yes, yes. And at the end of it, it went really well. It was really fun.

And I was like, if that had been in the room, that would have five times better. We'd have, I'd have come across so much better. But that's why I don't post crowdwork clips because I'm like, oh, it's just like photograph in the moon. You just kind of like, I just,

because I, like, stuff has happened. One time in Ireland, I got a guy to drink breast milk. A lady pumped in the audience. I pint, and I made this English stag do guy drink it. And I was like, this is going to be, I mean, this is going to break the internet. It's absolutely amazing. And I was like, you're a fucking prod.

Like, I went in. Like, it was so funny. And it was like, yeah, like 20,000 views, like a few likes. and I was like, no way. They just, and all my crowdwork stuff, I'm like, because you build up a trust in the room. You build up a trust and then you're mean to them,

but it's funny because like you trust me, you know I'm not being nasty. And every time I do crowdwork clips, I'm like, I've just stopped posting them because I'm like, they're absolutely dog shit. I find them shit. I think those who do it, like Victoria, we know him for the crowdwork clips.

He posts up the clips and that's how he's made is. That's what people want from him. Yeah, yeah, whereas my ones are crap. I just think they're absolute crap. And beautiful moments. What are you doing with you? stand-up specials though I haven't recorded any of them

which believe that I will though I will I'm still touring both of them trying to just started you're still touring both shows I'm touring both shows I'm touring gone rogue and then I went

I did a 32 32 theatre show in Ireland with not my lemons and then I flew over to Australia and New Zealand and did another 30 shows of gone rogue so hang on

gone rogue's the new one gone rogue's the old one so you saw you saw the old one where I'm like talking about Latino men I mean I'm saying who is this woman I swear.

And then the new one is meeting Simon and stuff. But there was so much left in Gone Rogue. I'm like, I'm not willing to put this to bed. This was such a huge process of my life. And why not drag the arse of it? So now I'm going to Canada and I'm touring Gone Rogue. Where will you film Not My Lemons? Because that's surely coming to its time where it's like...

No, I only just toured that. No, sorry. Gone Rogue, sorry. Well, I would love to... I would love to film it in the Olympia. And there's a... Have you been to the Olympia? I mean, I, lads... I'm doing it in October.

You know, there is... I don't know if you guys believe in this stuff. I swear to God, some theatres. I mean, the magic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That theatre loves me. I have not done a show, touch wood in there. Every time, I could go out there and butter fucking bread.

There's something in the air. And I just crush every time. I mean, like, just people in the audience is like, some guys, like a funeral director and a butcher. And you're like, oh, my God. You're like, it just sets up in such a perfect way. It's so magical that place. I actually think the opening weekend of my tour is Cork Opera House.

Yes, I love Cork Opera House as well. I think they're the first two dates of the whole tour. I do. I'm doing it again in October now for two nights. Yeah, I can't wait. That process is great as well. So much fun. But the Olympia is.

And also architecturally, now I don't think it's sound if you built it now, but it's up, up like this and it's like a waterfall. So when everyone laughs. Oh my God, you're like,

it feels like the fairethest person away. Because we, I done it on my last tour and then we did a murderous row there as well. Yeah. It feels like the furthest person away from you is still in like touching distance. Yeah, yeah.

Because when they were built, the person at the back had to hear the actor. Or whoever was on stage, is that to hear their normal voice? Yeah. I mean, it's incredible. It's such a beautiful place. I love standoff.

I'm sure. I'm a bit jett. Go and see one of Kyla's six tours that she's currently touring. Boom. I've never missed once. There you go. It's your Olympia. We need a break.

Yeah. I need a biscuit. What? Podcast. Listen, only I do the secret countdown. Only I do. Only I do. Oh yeah,

is that true? Did I just muscle in? Yeah, if anyone's going to do it. Fork him. Forkham. Some advice. Anonymous, advice for you, lids. We had our beautiful baby boy

born last week and the whole pregnancy was a bit of an ordeal. My fiancé was drugged up to the eyeball so I had to saw everything once our boy was born. We'd settled on the name Owen, which is important to her

for personal reasons, but I was sleep deprived and delirious and jokingly told the doctor we wanted to call calling Beffrey, like Jeffrey with a bee. I thought it'd be a laugh if my wife came to and it was written on the whiteboard near her hospital bed.

Once we were home, I had to go to the registry office to pick up the birth certificate for little baby Owen and on the birth document it said, Bephry Simpson. Oh. I panicked, picked it up and went home. Now I don't know what to do or if I should tell my other half. Give me some advice, please, boys. Oh my God.

I mean, one, hearing a man after his wife is given birth saying I was sleep to very bit and exhausted. It's so funny. It's like, absolutely fucking everything because she was on drugs. You swear to God that she was grinding and listening to Calvin Harrison. I'm not allowed to whinge about it, but it's very taxing on the husband.

You can only use the vending machine because everything else is clues because of his fucking middle of the night. Clues. Clues. Clues. You're so asleep deprived. You sound like you from the highlands of Scotland. Oh, it was an ordeal. And they wouldn't let me have

gas and air because I'm a drug addict. No, well, that's your own fault for not preparing properly. I said it. I cut that down the middle there. Do you think of your own drugs? To watch your kid be born? Yeah.

Like if they call you in a bag of Charlie, you're getting kicked out. Yeah, they want me to be present. A couple of little bumps and I'm there. The whole night. This is great. It's gone on Beffrey. Laura's on Diomophy.

Would all be high. Let's have a chat. Leave it as Beffrey, by the way. Just don't tell you wife. That's not his legal name, which you have to do it. No, that's crazy behaviour. have to tell the truth.

Why? She can call it on if she wants. Women don't like the truth. No, no, no, no. No, no, you must. You must. Women like the truth. Men don't like the consequence.

Can you imagine how hilarious it to be when she found out. If women like the truth, there wouldn't be any consequence. If women like the truth, no, men didn't lie. You can't keep twirling this around. No, no, you must tell the truth.

You must call the big. Let's go and change the name. Can you not much know funny it'd be the day she finds out a few years in the future and he goes, yeah, kids are being called Beth. If she's a good, She'll go, that's funny.

If he's a good wife. She goes, that's funny. Let's change his Owen. I mean, it's definitely commit to the bit. Yeah, it would be, because it'd probably be his communion. Beth. Or as baptism or his Christmas.

Yeah, but he's not going to be known as Beth. He's going to be Beth, he's going to be Owen. She wants to call him Owen. Also, Pacific, um, uh, detail for a very important name for personal reasons. So the Baba was named after another Owen. Michael, Michael, yeah, Michael Owen. What?

Michael Owen. Oh, the soccer player. Oh, God. Oh. The pause and then the soccer player. Jesus. That's the most we ever got out of Finn. Who is your brains?

Go to with the name Owen. Well, my nephew's called Owen. Oh. And he's two. He's named after him. I think you should cut start calling him. It's weirdly, I do call him that. Wait, is that my brother?

Well, it's spelled E-O-G-H-A-N. Oh, yeah. Like Owen Quigg. Yeah. Yeah. Another soccer player? No, from the X-F-F-F-F-F. That was it.

That was a test you passed in. Bephyley's a better name as well. Is Bephry or Bfney? Bephry? Bephry. Bephry? That is, I have to say that it's not a bad name. Bephry Bephry.

Bephry. Bephry Simpson. He sounds like a CEO. Are they Crips? Is this what? Bephry. Yeah, I ain't saying no C. Bephy.

It's going to be on a letter from the government. NHS real soon. Why are they writing to a baby? Hey, Beffrey, you're left to see. Dear Beffrey, everything okay. The government are just like, no one's answering these letters.

It's like these newborns don't give a shit. The baby's aren't boring. Beffrey. I think I love Beffrey's love. You've been gutted if you got it. He's decided he does one, kids, now that he knows, Befrey's not a lot of people. Come on.

You'd be gutted if they got it. to like reception and there was another Beffrey in the class. It's like both. No, come on that. It's a one-off. Beffrey. Yeah. Yeah, read to lib.

They get it. I think you admit to it and then try and convince that it's the better option. I think. Or a gas lighter and like start mentioning the name and then being like, imagine if we'd called Owen Beffrey, wouldn't that been amazing? And like slowly, really long term gas later until one day you're like, I have a surprise for you. And she's like, you're the best husband ever.

That's how it'll work out. No lies. You could just be like, just keep calling him Beffrey in person. And whenever she goes, his name's Owen, like, just slowly be like, it never has been. It was always going to be better for me. And then when she goes,

go and get his birth to her, be like, mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And she'd be like, wow, I am crazy. And then you take all their money? Crazy. Did you have, do you have, occasionally, you just have to repeat it.

I feel like, I haven't talked to you guys in ages. And even at the, when we were having lunch, I was like, oh, my gosh, it's like a different language. It's so, are you, like, sometimes I can't hear the beginning and end of words. I'm like, what? It's beautifully spoken.

I saved it there at the end. Did you have any arguments with Laura, Dan, about Jack or Etta, or you're both, like, on the same page? I suggested Etter. You wanted to call Jack Neo, didn't you? I wanted to call Jack Neo. I was doing a lot. After neo Nazis.

After neo. A lot of people would assume it was from the Matrix, but I was like, nah, no. I'm not even bald, I'm just, I'm a skinhead for a different reason. That's why I wear that. Etta has a beautiful name. But that's also what terroristic. a group in it, Spanish terrorist group.

Yeah, she's a bass separatist as well. So that worked out really well. She wants to move to Bilbao. And with Jack, we just didn't have another option. I think we stopped. Jack's a great name, solid name, trustworthy name. I wanted to go Yari after Litmanin. You don't know.

X factor. There's a lot of people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't know that soccer player. No. Finish wizard. Finish wizard. That's a beautiful expression.

I'm going to do a have a word. There's no response for Finnish Wizard. We're going to do a word. Josh says, have a word with my co-worker. I work for Domino's as a delivery driver, and my mate told me that he's been trying to get his steps in, so we'll park a road or two away from the customer's house and then walk the rest.

I said I'd be fuming if I saw my delivery driver park a five-minute walk away from my house, but he said it isn't that deep. Surely you can get your steps in any other time of the day. No, he's doing it while he's at work. You're just a little weirder. That's not a big issue. Wait, wait, wait. I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry. Say that one more time. So he's, is Domino's delivery driver and he's like, my mate, is mental. He's parking like two roads away. Yeah.

To walk five minutes with the, with the hot pizza to get his steps in. My issue is that I don't want my food getting cold. Nobody's in a bag in it. It's never cold. They don't zip it, though.

They don't zip the buy. Every minute. They don't fucking zip the bag. That drives me insane. Also, also, if you've been waiting 45 minutes for a delivery.

And he adds five. I want the delivery driver. That is the one person who's parking up. When it's hot food, take away, they can park on the drive next to the football.

And also, how about you stop eating all the free pizza and then instead of focusing on your steps, focus on your diet. Oh, you're accusing them. Can they park on you drive?

That feels a bit mad. Yeah, they totally can park on your drive. Oh, yeah. I tell you right now, any delivery driver that is the closest you can get to the house

to just quicken up the food getting onto my fucking plate. Where's your car? If you're on in. It's a great point. Don't park on the lawn. I'll go insane. I've just spent money on sand and soil top mix.

I agree. I think it's crazy behavior. I think he should just park as close as possible and get the job done as quickly as possible. I'm with the steps, guys. I do everything to get me steps in these days. Like, you won't notice that five minutes because you don't know he's parked up

and he gets his steps in, you get a hot pizza. There's no issue. It's slightly less hot. It's fine. You wouldn't notice it being that five minutes walk. Also, like, honestly, it's 2026. If you're ordering, take out pizza and you haven't got your oven, please,

if when it arrives, give it a little blast anyway, you're a fucking amateur. Oh, well, this I'm completely shocked by it because I've never done that. I've not done that even. I mean, we microwave plate. Is that just on different days? My man used to do that. I mean, it used to be the artist plate in the world. It's just annoying.

That's Laura's techers every time. My mom does. If we get chipper, she brings the chips up and then air fries the chips to get the grease off. and makes it crispy. Chipper. That's a good idea. I like, I kind of like the grease on a chippy chipper. I love a dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty chipped.

Do you like a potato pie? Like a patty. Yeah, mate, when we go to Ireland, we go to Lennox's. Oh, yeah. We get a potato pie. With a carton of curry. Oh, mate. It's just like a big bore.

Fuck. You go to sleep for about six weeks. Can you say, take away fries that go in the air friar come out as the, like, dangerously hottest thing in the world. Yeah. They're not, I think you. Because they're all of the art when they go in. They're all.

They're so. oily greasy. Why don't you take them out, do a five-minute walk and come back in? Nice. With the airflare. Maybe it scouts onto something. Yeah, if you get a pizza, just have your oven on. And you just tore it in?

Like, if it's, if it's all, you didn't just turn it off? Can I actually pick a bone with, you're not from London, but what I've realized, I love, I love pizza. I don't really care so much about pizza. That's all, for me, it's all the dip. I love the dip. Wow. And a few times in London, I got garlic and herb dip, and it's like yogurt and mint. I don't want that.

No, I don't know. No, I don't. I'm not. I'm not. I'm getting garlic garlic dip garlic mayo Was it more like

Satsiki then? Yeah and I'm like this is not what I want this isn't the vibe I want at all I want like a big smelly I think you need to find

a new pizza place Yeah that's true as well I think you want a domino What was that guy I can't eat domino I was really thirsty The dip there is one of the best Dips of ever

Which one? The one way The Devonshire own it Crisp The Marlborough pub Oh my god What dip is it? Where about in London

Are you staying East End What? The East End So in the West End The other side Brilliant There's

my pizza will definitely be hot then Marlborough there's a pub called the Marlborough and they've got so there used to be a pizza place it was a bit further out

and they've moved it more central it's you can walk it and pick italy from 20 minutes yeah and it's the best pizza in London

like by a distance what are your pizza toppings for me like if I'm like a meat feast spicy American art like pepperoni

and do yeah chilies and do Nanduja. It's in Duhya. That's so funny. I'm not like it's, you don't, you shouldn't say words in the language they're from unless you're from there.

Nanduja. Well, your pizza, what's your pizza? So I'm either just like getting a mag. Yeah. I'm just not, I'm not trying to mess around.

I just want to put it in my face. Yeah. Or I'll go, I'll go a meaty guy. Any love for a jalapeno and pineapple? Simon would be your man for that. Simon loves a gorgonzola, stinky.

I want like goat cheese. I got a pizza actually. I go to cheese. It's the most disgusting thing. I hate it so much. It smells like foot. Can I also say, we just went for lunch

and there chili sauce is too authentic? Yeah, you want a sweet chili, don't you? No, no, I want. Oh, really? I want kebab shop.

Yes, I think everyone should do cheap, bad for you, take away chili sauce. This is what, this is a level I want all the time when I get takeaway. I want it to be like, make me feel bad.

I don't like what I mean, they're like, oh, this is actually homemade. I don't want homemade. Yeah, I want shit. I want it delivered from somewhere. Yeah. prison food me.

Ross says, Hello lids. Have a word with this girl I know called Katie. At the end of the night, she normally, formally, normally wants a hot drink. But she's told me that instead of having a coffee or tea and having the caffeine late a night,

she instead drinks the water from the kettle. Even worse, this is going to sound like a lie, she dips biscuits into it. Have a word with her for being an absolute beast. She just drinks hot water? She boils the kettle and uses like a call. she... No, no, puts it into a mug.

Oh, it's that in the morning, aren't you? Apparently hot water in the morning. No, she... Instead of having a cup of coffee or tea, she just drinks out of the kettle. Hot water. Boils hot water and has a cup of hot water. Yeah, if you don't want the caffeine.

That's quite common. No, it's not common, Carol. People do that in the morning. Apparently it's meant to, like, proper box. No, they do that with lemon. No, not people, apparently just drinking boiling water in the morning. Apparently, it's that good for you. I think you're thinking about hot water and lemon.

No. Yeah. Yeah. I think, Carl, you actually are. No, people have drinking boil water. I think it's good

for your digestive system but I disagree. Boilin water in the morning nothing else. Apparently it's good for your body. Not for me. I just don't agree. I don't already found out that.

Who did that for long enough and didn't get like tired of being called a fucking muppie for doing it? To find out it's good for you. But who tried it? Who went, I'm gonna just have hot water

for two months? Oh, look, I'm dead healthy now. What else was he doing? He might's been going to gym. How water's very good? How things are very good for you? you. That's very obvious. Yeah.

But you also want a nighttime drink. Have a camomile to eat. And don't dip biscuits in... You don't dip biscuits in cold water. Sounds like the famine. Yeah. Biscuits in hot water would make sense because it doesn't...

You just want to soggy the biscuit, don't you? So you don't want caffeine, but you're getting loads of sugar from a biscuit. And also, you're not... You don't love a wet biscuit. You like the taste of the coffee. It's not like, oh, this biscuit soggy is nice. No, it is. A soggy bit.

Gotcha. A soggy biscuit is yummy. We bought a new kettle yesterday. It's the first new kettle we've had in our whole relationship. 12 years. And Laura's like, 12 years of kettle? 12 years of kettle.

We're like, we limescale is, fuck that mean? We just released it. Does you have a clean the old one? Do you think I did? Laura, cleaned it.

Did she? Yeah, yeah. Because the line scale, yeah. My lime scale is, oh my God. Something else. You meant to use filtered water,

aren't you? We've started doing that now, but every so afternoon, you know yourself. Just metal. Oh, man. But hang on, isn't London water? I love it.

Bad. That's a... It's a nasty water. It's bad. It's bad. We have a filter and stuff now, but when we first moved in, we didn't, and it was... But I tell you what, it's 100 times better than Barcelona water. Barcelona water is gnarly.

It's so bad. Are you missing Barcelona at all? I'm not really, to be honest. How long were you there? I was there for five years. Right. So I was there a long time. And I've worked so much in Ireland and here.

I was going back and I was just so exhausting. Remember the first time I did this pot I flew over from Barcelona Yeah That's mental That's mental crazy behaviour lads You know what I mean Are you like in London?

I am now I didn't like it at the start But I do like it now This is the first time I moved anywhere That I wasn't a waitress straight away So it was a bit like weird Coming over and not starting a job A bit lonely

But now I like it I've joined a CrossFit gym And I'm really enjoying that That's really fun You have to make friends As an adult It's hard isn't it Lots of girls call Lottie

There's dating apps You know For friends Hey There's dating apps to make friends Yeah, but I don't want to do that either because that's weird And also it's weird because I'm not that I'm known

But like, a lot of people know me And then I don't know them So it's like a bit of a weird Imagine if I was on a dating app They're like, well this obviously isn't Kyle I don't know like no one is If you sat down for a platonic date And they were like, do the wink

Yeah It's just a bit like with civilians You could wear a disguise Hey? You could wear a disguise Which then that defeats the point In trying to make friends Are you making friends?

Are you making friends if you wear the skies the whole time. Well, no, you... And especially if they know it's me and I'm just in a disguise. You get over like two or three... I'll just have gas of boiling water and some biscuits with these. Two or three make dates and then you go, actually, I'm Carla Cobbler.

What if they go, who's that? Who? You go, even better? They would leave. They would leave. What the skies have you taken off for them to have not noticed in the sky? You know what else I want as well? You know what's so hard about being friends of people is that I don't want...

I want the friends. friendship made. I don't want the getting to know each other. You want the baby, not the labour pains? That's how I knew that comedy was my thing because the first time I met comedians, I was like, these are my people. Have you got your mates from back in the day? Have you kept on to make? Because you've obviously travelled. I don't have a lot of friends. I have like, you asked me this the first part. I don't have that many. I've got like a few people that I hang with, but I don't really have like, like, Simon's my best friend. Mike Rice is my best friend. Shuny is my best friend. My friends are very successful women.

So, like, they're all so busy in doing stuff. Mike Rice is one of the most successful women I know. I've always said that. The things he's done for female empowerment. He'd be amazing in female prison. You're cross. I've heard that CrossFit gyms are basically just swingers groups. No, they're not masquerading.

Me and Simon haven't been asked. Isn't that a cult? It's like the new cult in her? It's just great. Just fitness. Yeah, it's just heavy lifting. Like hypox? No, it's not that.

It's a cult. Yeah. But once you get into it, but there's loads of like, hey, we're doing it together and you're my buddy for the day. Yeah,

you're making it not sound cool, it's just encouragement, Dan, it's a lovely part of life. You're making it sound as if you're, you work out. I've seen you post stuff. I'm lonely and it's better. You listen to your own podcast at the gym.

Definitely. I can't even finish his rep. Well done me. Really good line on. I'm going to timestamp it. So what I've started doing genuinely, so. when I'm in the gym

I always start with a treadmill warm-up before I lift so I do a 15% incline walk at three miles an hour and apparently that's the most efficient way to burn fat apparently so I do between 20 and 40 minutes if I've got the energy

and then I go and do me up after after you've lifted No apparently you are meant to do it after but I just do it as like a warm-up so that I feel a bit loose whatever and what I do is I just open TikTok set it on the console of the treadmill and just start swiping with me earphones in, right?

And it just, because I'm so addicted to this, as most people are, it means that the time just disappears. Because sometimes I sit down and go, I'll just have a little scroll. And then I checked the clock thinking it's been 20 minutes and it's been nearly two hours. So I was like, maybe if I do that on the treadmill,

I won't notice I'm walking. And it does work. Totally. I swear to God it works. Totally. I put it over the clock. So I can see the distance I've done and the whatever, but I put it over the clock,

so I don't know, you know what I mean? And I just keep scrolling. And then, you know, obviously if a video comes on, I want to watch. And about a week ago, like one, you know, there was like aggregator accounts that just post our content. It was like a best bits of have a word.

And they were old clips. And because I'm sort of in my own world, I just watched it and was like giggling. And then as I got to the end of it, I was like, oh, I've just watched like seven minutes of have-a-wave clips in the gym on me over and anyone who's got any idea

who I'm probably being like what a fucking wanker he's watching his own videos on the treadmill that's so funny it's like a carrot and a stick for a donkey

in it like it's just a modern carrot yeah well if you do 90 minutes in zone too it's the most efficient way of burning calories yeah

in London like in London that is Hackney Hackney Hackney's own too it's got But yeah, Tider. If you're not, genuinely, if you struggle with cardio,

especially like incline walking. Just watch your own videos, mate. What are you's deadlifting? Huh? What are you's deadlifting? I'm not doing deadlifts, but I'm doing like a bit of this and there. Nice.

Trice epic. I've got, I've got a, I've got all me like things written down on my notes on my phone so I know to go up and. Okay. Not loads. I worry about my back. Yeah, so what are you deadlifting?

110. That's not a small amount. I think I did it. That's funny. Prefer squat? Yeah, yeah, great. What do he squat? Like 80.

Wow, that's good. Oh, but he's got unreal legs. Big strong legs. They're fucking big my legs. Big strong legs. Big strong legs. Yeah, I enjoy squat. I don't know what it.

I don't need to do it because I say you've got... No, you do need to do it's so good for you. Yeah, it strengthens me back. Yeah, but that's the gym stuff. That's the weightlifting that's for longevity and like... Well, that's what I do in the gym. No, I like all the gay stuff. What do you mean?

Like Pilates. Do do. Or the machines. Trying to look. knife. And then the deadlifting and the squats. Have you got short arms, do you think? Yeah, thanks. No, I'm just wondering what do you think? No, yeah, I know I have. You're trying to stretch them in the gym? Yeah, I have, yeah. Thank you, Kyla. And that was a neck. No, that's how what I meant. I didn't mean that as a neck. I honestly, I did barbell bench press and people were like, it's incredible. You're

getting it anywhere with your little arms. No, not your little arm. Yeah, I don't say you have a little arm. You got a very big, strong man. You're very big, strong, handsome and funny man. But I am saying is that, But you... I'm going to press something. Maybe it's easier for you to do deadlifts or like, you know, depending because, have you got long legs or short legs? I'm not tall. I'm, you know...

Yeah, so for squatting. Squatting for me is really hard because I'm 5 foot tens and I've got very long legs. So squatting is hard because it's just a lot of me. But then I'm going to deadlifting. Yeah. So I'm just wondering what your foret is. I think your arms look very in proportion with your body. I like the monkey bars, me.

You like the monkey bears? Yeah. Really good weight of monkey bars. Where do them? At the zoo. I like the There's monkey bars in my gym You like the what?

The hex bar for the lifting Just feels nice Nice bar is nice God guys Let's do testosterone We should all do a workout together That'd be amazing Nice

We'd crush Um Kyla once again This has been a fucking joy From start to finish Thank you Where can we find you online For tickets

You can find me at Kyla cobblorcom All my tickets are there And where do the people Get your book same at my link tree Kyla cobblercomedy.com at the website and can I just say you work really

hard today on this podcast you were great except I'm trying to ride me I'm going on tour adamrow.com.com at UK for all tickets and if you are tuning for the first time maybe you're one of Kyla's Irish followers

my tour starts in Ireland in Cork at the Opera House and Dublin at the Olympia on the first weekend in October I'd love to see that my next tour tickets available for Dan Nightingale and Friends are Blackpool on the 10th of September and Sheffield on the 12th of September

everything else is selling out. Not doing one on 9-11 out of respect. And I'm not doing one on 9-11 McClough of 9th. It's part of Nade. And film club tickets still available. Go to the description.

Go to the description. That is probably all these sold out but go and check anyway because you can mess an oath. We love you. Thanks, Kyla. Bye, Felicia.