Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #397 with Gianmarco Soresi - Have A Word w/Adam, Dan & Carl

Episode Date: September 5, 2026

Tickets, merch and loads more available on our website! https://haveawordpod.comTickets for Have A Word Live shows as well as Adam and Dan's tours and previews:Adam's Tickets: https://www.adamrowe.co.ukDan's Tickets: https://dannightingale.comCarl's Stream || https://twitch.tv/senseicarl_Finnlay K FINAL GIG TICKETS || https://www.skiddle.com/whats-on/Liverpool/Jacaranda-Baltic/Finnlay-K-Farewell-Show/42670455/Film Club Live 9th September || https://plazacinema.org.uk/PlazaCinemaLiverpool.dll/Booking?Booking=TSelectItems.waSelectItemsPrompt.TcsWebMenuItem_0.TcsWebTab_0.TcsPerformance_24652102.TcsSection_1791Finnlay K - Whole Again: https://FinnlayK.lnk.to/WHOLEAGAINLIVEAs Adam and Dan said, don't miss out on all of our extra content, we've got one of the best value Patreons in the game. An extra 90+ minute episode every week plus loads of bonus content such as the now infamous Lockdown Lock-ins, the Nashville & Amsterdam specials and our Ghost Hunts! What are you waiting for? Sign up now at https://patreon.com/haveawordpod​Get subscribed to Have A Word Highlights: https://youtube.com/haveawordhighlightsThanks to this week's sponsors:Hello Fresh | https://www.hellofresh.co.uk/50HAWPODClick the link to enjoy an exclusive offer of 50% off your first box, along with a 20% discount for the next 4 boxes plus free treats (including fruit bundles) for 2 months. Alternatively, you can use our code 50HAWPOD. This special offer is available for new customers as well as those who cancelled their subscription twelve months ago or more.NordVPN | https://nordvpn.com/haveawordEXCLUSIVE NordVPN Deal ➼ https://nordvpn.com/haveaword Try it risk-free now with a 30-day money-back guaranteeLovehoney | https://lovehoney.co/word_podcastLove how you love and take 20% off sitewide to unlock sexual happiness and discover a happier you with promo code: AFF-WORD20Saily | https://saily.com/haveawordDownload SAILY in your app store and use our code HAVEAWORD at checkout to get an exclusive 15% off your first purchase or go to https://saily.com/haveaword 🌍HexClad | https://hexclad.co.uk/word10Upgrade your kitchen. Up to 40% off site wide!ADAM ROWE and DAN NIGHTINGALE are two award winning comedians from Liverpool & Preston, respectively. They are two of the UK's most highly regarded stand-ups and have both performed all over the world. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello everyone, Dan and Harry. And me. Before we start this excellent episode of the Have a Word podcast, I've got to tell you about our Patreon. If you've never signed up for Patreon, if you just listen or watch the public episodes, you'll have gone, oh, I've heard dozens of these, hundreds of these.

I'm never going to sign up. But you should. You really should because we've got one of the biggest patrons of the world for a reason. We put out an extra episode of me, Harry, Adam, never been done in that order. I like it all. And it's naughty.

as well. Little naughty secret episodes just for us. So you get a whole other episode. But then the thing that really is cut above is the specials. Once a month, we knock out a Patreon special. Once a month, absolute top quality made as well. We've been all around the world.

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you get to go back and watch everything in sequence, and there is tons. Also, I'm on tour, Dan Nightingale.com. Come and see Dan Nightingale and friends all around the country. That is the last big tour I'm doing for a while. We've got big plans for 2027. Also, add them the same. Go and see one of the best live comics in the game.

I'm made around doing me, did we do tour of North Yorkshire? Yeah? Can I support? I mean, you know, I'm sure I'll help, you know, growing comics and that. All right, nice. Patreon.com slash have it with five. Enjoy the episode. It's going to be a belter.

Wagwaglids, you're listening to the funniest podcast in the game. From the heart of Liverpool with Adam, Dan, Sensei Carl and Finn. This is the one and only. Have a word. This episode is brought to you by NordVPN. The very best in protecting your online activity. Go, Ed. Get on me. Well, happy birthday, Harry Robinson.

Oh. Happy birthday. A birthday kid. 26 years old. I had me birthday porridge this morning. Is that the euphemism? No, I put candles in a porridge and brought it in.

Is that a euphemism? Candles in the porridge? Yeah. You know, remember candles in the porridge? Yeah. We're having a Victorian working class birthday breakfast.

I'm in my porridge era. Have you come yet today? No. In your porridge? And do you know? Keep the porridge and suck me off, love? I was like, we might have sex later,

but my mum's coming over because she's buying a Winnebago. today. And that's part of your birthday celebrations. Well, she said she dropped by because she's in the area. In the Winnebago?

Either on the way to the Winnebago or... How's she parking on your road than a Winobego? Okay, as a Winnebago, to me, it's one of them weird I don't really know what it is.

Campa van. Right. I think it sounds like a butty. Not to be confused with our guest later today who's a camper man. Oh, you sure? Do, do, do, do, do.

Oh yeah. And he's it. That goes on, doesn't it? Why is she buying a Winnebaker? She just in that era of her life. Middle age British people get towards their retirement and go, oh, I've been tired to this house

and the kids for so long. When I'm retired, get me a camper van. I'll be all over Europe. I think it's a trope. They buy a camper van, and do you know what they do? They spend the rest of the life driving

it to the Scottish Highlands in the summer and they go, oh, we love this. Oh, look. these hills and that water over there. Ooh, let's have a whiskey. Or in my parents' case, like, talked about this for 10 years, we'll be gone, that'll be us around.

When it once, it rained, and they went, we don't really like it. And that was the end of the camper van retirement dream. Did they sell the camper van or just live it around? They smartly just hired one to test it out. But I heard about it for years. Build up like, oh, you'll see us. That'll be us.

Gone. Traveling. Just wherever we want to pitch up, that will be us. Three weeks in the Highlands. Like all that shit and then they just went once and went, oh, that's miserable.

Hey, well, I'd just park like a little car park. My mum parks at the McCalls around the corner. What? You're McCalls. It's got a car park. Or whatever. It's like a little, yeah, it's like a, McCalls or a, you know,

the little mini kind of corner shop things next to a pizza place. There's like a big car. It's just like gravel. Just leave it there. And then, but she wants to live half in the camper van, sell the house, and half in Turkey.

And she was like, you can come visit. Is she right? I think she's just living her best. She's ended up on the front page of some, like, she didn't go to Creamfields, but she went to something that was Creamfields adjacent the other day. Cream Classics or something like that. Yeah.

No, Queen Classics is in Creamfields, isn't it? Beat Heather, isn't it? It's not what you're talking about today. It got flagged up. It was Beat Hearder. Yeah. It might have been that to me. It was all, like, tribute bands.

I don't know. It isn't very creamfieldy. But she's on, she's on it. She was listening to the summon bards of Val Dunican, which she's, like, big into. I don't know who they are but I think they play lutes What did she make the front page of?

Just like there's a photo of it I'm like, Mouth Weekly Yeah, Milth Weekly. Hypnotice it's monthly. Yeah, but she said she wants to live half the time in Tejee half the time in a van.

She sold yours. They're talking about it but like, yeah, I don't know. It seems very midlife crisis. That doesn't sound bad. No. That sounds all right. I'd rather have an house in a van though.

Half the year. in Turkey in a house, half the year in the UK. Can't drive your house though, Carl. No, drive your car outside me house, though. You can pretend to drive your house, but you'll look insane. I'll open the front window. I'd do that. That sounds well more fun.

Would you live on a boat then? You see, I'm not as, like, petrified of the sea, but I have a healthy respect for it. Yeah, but like a canal. You're not going to drown in a canal unless you're the fucking idiot. I mean, if the storms hit a canal. something's gone wrong with the canal. Do you think you could have like this?

Because how old's Jack now? Five. He is five going into year one. Thank God they're back at school. So when he's 18, you'll be 58? Yes. So at that point, do you think you could have a bit of a midlife crisis mental breakdown and get yourself a fucking skateboard or whatever? I just have a Z-4, five years ago?

Yeah, but I think he might have another. one. I mean, was that a midlife crisis? I've always wanted a sort of sports car. That is the definition of it. But I think the definition's wrong. You've always wanted it.

You've got to the point where you can afford it. What about my life was crisis like? Oh yeah, the drugs. What? Yeah, that was bad. Newfound wealth that you didn't know what to do with. But how is this crisis-y? Like, oh, he's bought a sports car.

Crisis. You bought two sports cars? No, not at the same time. I bought one. And then there was what was the, What's the... PCP? Yazoo.

It's not Yazoo, is it? Kazoo. Kizu. That's it. I bought a sports car off Yazu. Great. You've got to drink a lot of milkshakes to get a free sports car.

I don't think it's good. Like, everyone's like, oh, it's a midlife crisis. I would have had one of them in my 20s, happily? How old were you? I was in my midlife, yeah. You bought two sports cars?

It's all both of them. Just don't think it's... I don't, I don't, I think the way crisis is misused in the thing. I think it's basically, you get to the middle of your life. for your kids, I mean, not for you, but kids usually grown up,

you've got a bit of money, nothing to do. Get a sports car. I think, yeah, crisis is the wrong word. Gimpiness is the right word, isn't it? It's midlife gimpiness. Yeah.

Yeah, look at him. He's gone gimpy. And he can't actually get the sports car he wants, so he gets a 8,000 pound BMW Z-4. Never been tempted by a motorbike? No, I'm scared. Scared of coming off them. And I know I've got a back myself.

I've got a motor trike. A trike. Yeah. Yeah. When you see the safer? You've got more stability. Like Wallace and Grommet? Connolly.

58. If this podcast is still going in 13 years... Which it will be. Okay. That's a lot of podcasting, in it?

Because that's us hitting nearly... Then you've got to hit the 20th anniversary of Have a Word. The way I see late life, when the kids are finally fucked off, is I'd quite like to just go back to being a comedian.

Oh, really? Yeah. I know that's... I know it's a bit, like, it sounds like I'm being a bit... Like, I'm not slacking off the podcast in any way. But this, the two, three times a week in Liverpool

and what we do is amazing and all the opportunities, class. And then I gig as well and then, you know, we're at home with the kids. But you really miss Spiking Mike's. But I miss Spikey Mike. I want to play Peterborough more. You can be called Spiky Tri.

I can be Spiky Tri. I just go and try. I just think, because Laura doesn't work. She's already retired. And then I go down from doing podcast and gigs to just go and doing gigs and just do it and seeing the country like that. Not in a Winnebago.

Isn't there a comic who turns up to gigs? on a motorbike, no. Rob Rouse did it for a while. Alan Cochran did it for a while. I could see that, just like taking gigs that right now I wouldn't be able to take. If someone goes, oh, there's a gig and the Isle of Man, it's a decent fee.

You're right there, cool, go and do that. Perfect for motorbikes as well. Because I don't know how you fully retire from what you love doing anyway. You're going to die on state. Not literally, but surely you're going to die giging. Yeah. That's the goal, then it, surely.

Maybe not a Spikey Mike gig in Peterborough. that's maybe not the last hurrah that you want. But that seems all right. Now it's kind of pod and all of the stuff that we do and some gigs. And then you just sort of like go down a notch and just gig again. Take Loss with me. That's correct. Get him in the trike.

Is it two person? Yes. A side car. Nice. Or you could get matching quad bikes. Matching quad bikes. They're even safer. That's four wheels.

Class. Yeah, I'm into it. Sounds fucking great. And then just like get to the point where everyone's, like, you've seen Dan Nightingar recently? All fucking crumbled up because of the quad bike. Can't stand up straight on stage in Peterborough because I've been fucking triking all the way.

You're like, Frankie Valley, isn't it? Because you'd have to be like, Frankie Valley of the comedy world. Yeah, just play a tape. Just mime into special. Not really miming. Stubbed it with a bike near your mouth. Everyone like plate, Dan Nightingale's family

need to let him retire. Oh, Barry Manilow's been Frankie Vallied. Oh my God. Love them words. Have you seen the videos of Barry Manlowe? Is he... My moment is he? Barry Manlowe...

Six weeks ago? I don't think she did. A concert is a lot of good dickon. She had to see him in the Echo Arena, now the MBS Bank Arena for some music. I'm aware of that. I'm aware of that. I couldn't tell you a song that Barry Manil...

Oh, Mandy. You came in Houston. If that's a... Right, okay. Cope a cabana. No. The Goper. Yeah.

Copa Cabana. Fucking Manilow. Let's get some tickets. Fuck, Glastonbury. But he's, he's, like, he doesn't look as old as Frankie Valley because he's got face full of chite.

It looks like Madam Two Swords. Yeah. He looked mad. Okay. And he's been, and he's been posse out and he's holding his mic here and still miming.

Cool. But he's, we've got to make that money. And there's Sylvester Stallone doing, his own stunts and jumping off trains at 80 years old. Is he?

And everyone's like, what are you going to do with tests? I'm going to keep taking it like Sylvester, mate. Is he on the test? What? Mr. Stolone is. Brother, he's 60% testosterone. I thought that was just natural, yeah. Yeah, it's just natural, yeah.

The absolute yoked pensioner that, you know. Are you on, Tiff? It's just a lifetime of commitment, isn't it? It's a lifetime of test. It's not, he's not on test. It's a lifetime of juice. My guy. He would not have been able to get the insurance for Rambo 3

if he's on testosterone. Where was Rambo 3? A while ago. 90s, isn't it? Yeah. But he wouldn't have been able to get the insurance? They did Rambo 4 and we're just waiting for Rambo number 5. That's the goal.

I've caught a cold off the dog. Remy's had a snottie nose for a few days and I think I'm starting to catch you. Is it off the dog or is it off everyone in this office? Yeah, we're all not well. They've all been ill. Oh, I hadn't noticed that. Maybe Remmy's caught it off a few years. Can dogs get human cold?

Well, either that or he's got dog flu, because he's sneezing and he's got like snott out of his own. Dogs couldn't get COVID, could they? Can you contract it from dogs? Yeah. So dogs could occasionally get sick from humans through a rare process called reverse zoonosis. Oh, shit.

That sounds cool. Does he need to do that kissing? Is that what you've been doing? Yeah, you've got a neck on. I've been neck on the dog. Fuck's sake, Adam. What's your policy on kissing on the face with Remi? Like...

You know when dogs try and go, try and lick your face, mouth basically? Yeah. What's your... Because some very loving dog owners are like, not a fucking chance. I'm fine with it as long as he's not,

like, foaming at the mouth. Oh, yeah. Which happens if he's... I don't kiss anything. Don't kiss anything that's foaming at the mouth. I don't think you're the massive dog on it if you don't like kissed on the face. It's like a dog shows affection.

genuinely it's our dog show affection but I apparently it's not actually you can see the you can see the reasoning of even a very loving committed dog owner who's like I've seen you lick your own balls recently aren't they're more cleaner than ours though

so if you lick down they're like what old leg at you are the balls cleaner than yours are the balls are their balls cleaner than my balls is that what you're asking because I haven't lick my balls before I kiss them no I don't think that's that I don't you've got to really worry about your own hygiene

if your dog's like, fuck in hell, lad. Where's your mouth been? The dog's mouth is not cleaning than a human's mouth. They're looking at all bollocks. Common belief. It's cleaning than the toilet teeth.

Is that it? No. My dog used to eat poo. Yeah, Harry. Yeah. Is this Bradley? No, I mean, Bradley's on his way out, by the way. Bradley's not getting any trains any time soon.

You can't work windows. Is that like a mart? No, not like... Not like... Not like... He's a mach man. Like he just... The dog can't do the family account.

What's the point of having a dog? He'll just walk into, because we've got like, like, slag. He's just old. And then when he go, he's very rigid as well. Like, when he goes down into the garden, like he drops down like that, like he's... Oh, this is going to be me at a spiky mic gig one day.

He's gone. Oh, okay. He's about horrible marbles, probably. Yeah, I mean, man. That doesn't bother me. Like, I love him. He's a baby. Yeah.

But genuinely, for you, if a dog owner doesn't, do you think less of them as a... Do you think they don't love their dog? I think there was them a lot of that shit. When it's your dog, it's like, you just, it happens all the time.

You'd have to be constantly throwing your dog away. Yeah. It's like when Jack used to, like, I imagine Jack's shit on your chest at one point. Sorry?

When he was a baby. Whoa. When he was a baby, I imagine you were holding and he just did a shit. I imagine you didn't love many less. No. But I wouldn't want him to shit on me.

You're not making baby shit in your chest. Yeah, I'm trying to start, I'm thinking of less of myself. as a parent, but apparently... No, you know what I mean? I imagine your kids just shit all over you once, doesn't meet you loved them less.

You didn't think, ooh. I have had... Yeah, you want. I have had a bit of poo on my arm. It's a really, nearly bad example. You'd think less of your baby with pooed on you? I wouldn't think less of them, but I would think, ooh. Nah, I think you can over it.

Ooh. We've got a corner. No, he's never shot on my chest car. No, it says a lot about how you're parenting if you've got a baby without a nappy just on your chest. Then you're sort of asking, like, yeah, but you're right,

a little bit of poo on the arm, I've had a new go, that's fucking grim. But, you know, you don't split up with the child over it, like, well, that's it. I ain't getting my own shit on my fingers, you know, like sometimes you break the toilet roll

or whatever, like that knocks me sick. Everyone does, yeah. Yeah, it's not a great morning, is it? No. No. Catherine Ryan doesn't believe in nappies, does she? They are real, though. Her whole thing is that she never wants

to put her kids in nappies. They just should, you should just clean the poo off the floor until they realize that's not all right. Well, if that's true, Catherine's, uh, Ryan's kitchen smells. But they can't realize, I've got cognition for so long. Yeah, but I, her, her, her, or... Her argument is that if, if, if you go, oh, why are you pooing on the floor, whatever? Like, if you put something on them that's, like, pooing that, it's gonna poo in that.

Yeah, it's like, you're not meant to put, like, puppy pads down because it teaches the dogs is shit on a puppy pad. But then she goes on, like, parenting podcast, it's like, yeah, all my mom. kids are a potty train within like three weeks. No. Three weeks. They can't even hold their head up. Yeah, but they can go and shit in the garden.

All completely out of nappies and fully potty train before they turned one. I mean, she's probably had to deep clean a few carpets, but that is a well better result. I think if you are going to enact this policy in your life, then you get rid of any carpets and you get some wooden floor down. Yeah. If this was you, Dan, slip and fly. If this was you and you were like, we're not, and a lot of it was like, I don't believe in them. apparently the bart. And she was like,

if the kids decide to go and shit in the garden, would you have an issue with her? I can't really bullet them for that. I did it once. Nasty patch. The babies generally have solid shit. No. Just like green juice.

So, so rarely. No, but what I mean is, like, is that true? Or is that just happening because it's being like smushed in a nappy? Yeah, there's a bit of that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So maybe Catherine Ryan's are just doing big logs in the kitchen

and it's just easy to pick it up. a big dog. Don't know what I'm in? Baby bugs. Yeah. Yeah. She's also had a children eating pedigree chum,

which has helped. High in protein. No, the kid gets pretty me as shee. Jack is only just this week stop using nighttime nappies at five and a half nearly. Is that late?

That's pretty late. That's a good two and a half years later than his sister who was like... And four and a half years later than Catherine rounds, kids. Four and a half years. What's why this week? What's happened this week? Like everything, there's just a point that stuff changes.

Like he still drinks milk all the time in a sippy cup. Like a small child. That will just go. I did that. I did that past Jack's age, I think. Way past Jack's age. I saw a real talking about, a doctor talking about superfoods.

And they were like, the superfoods is bullshit. The closest thing to a superfood is milk, full fat milk. In terms of what it's got in it. Do you ever see me and girls? I don't think I've ever seen me. Yeah. Virginia George has eating the bars thinking she's getting skinny. Do you know what, Harry did that to himself for the last six months?

Oh, what? Harry was eating assay balls trying to lose weight. So it's a double-edged. So I thought assy balls was a super food because it's just frozen fruit. So every day, every day. Every day. And you can sit anywhere in this building. You'll earn it as well.

Yeah, because also if you go, because Carl would sometimes know that I was in because he'd see raspberries on the floor downstairs. Or I don't know he's in because I can hear them eating it. Yeah, loads of nutrients. So good, what are we talking calerific wise? Like 1,000, 100. We're talking? For breakfast?

Every day, every day. And I was wondering why I was putting on wicks. I was like, I'm like doing all right. But I thought it is a superfood for like your gut health. Like it really helps you, which is, to be fair, I've needed. It's all healthy stuff. It's just quite high in calories. Yeah.

What do you put on the assay bowl? It's just frozen fruit. So assize like frozen mixed up berries. And then the granola, which is basically there's biscuits. and then more fruit and then a little bit of peanut butter. Peanut butter the most calorie dense thing in the world.

No, but it's a little bit and it's protein. A little bit every day. Protein, it's a lot of fat peanut butter. Anyway, I've been having outside, like for days, every day for ages.

But also, like I was going on I'm eating a superfood. Everyone thought I was just eating a tub of ice cream every day. I thought it looked. Everyone... You'd be losing more ways if you were eating a tub of ice cream.

Everyone thought I was coming in. Like I needs to be one of those little kids. Like a little propeller hat, just eating a tub of ice cream every day. Getting it all over my face. I'd have it all of my clothes. If you came in after Harry, you'd know he's in because generally

outside our door, there's berries on the floor, like fucking Hansel and Gretel. You go, oh, he's in. There's a raspberry on the floor. So I've stopped. But I used to go,

I mean, like, I still go sometimes, but the outside place I'd go, I'd go for the chat with the fella who does it. Oh, he flirted with the Irish man. I don't flirt with him. Yeah, you do.

You actually do. You fancy him. I just get on with him. Do you fancy him a little bit? No, because I get on with him and I get on with his misses and the other people that work there. The easiest thing to do

if you want to lose weight genuinely is just not have breakfast. I've been through that forever. Yeah, but porridge is sick. I've replaced it with porridge now. I also think some people are wired a bit differently. You're right, because you,

but some people, I would rather not eat after five o'clock than miss breakfast. I am the exact same. Yeah. So opposite. What I've done,

so I was a, about, I think, like, between 90 and 92 kilograms, about two or three months ago. And I'm around 84 now. I've lost quite a bit, like quite quickly. And I just want to, I'm trying to not set deadlines for myself. I do struggle with that. Like, because I'm going to New York next week for Jack Finnegan's brother's wedding, I was like, well, I want to lose weight for that. And then I'm going to San Sebastian with my missus at the end of the month. And I was like, well, I want to be a certain way for that. And I've just had to just have a word. myself.

And they're still in my head as like sort of soft deadlines. But I'm just trying to sort of change my life a little bit and the way I eat, exercise and particularly drink. So not drinking as much. When I do drink, like we had quite a few drinks at D&D the other night, but I made sure I was having like tequila and slimline tonok rather than 14 cans of Corona. I'm noticing if I just. Fill me mornings.

Like, fill them. Like, just get my stuff done in the morning. First of all, I feel dead productive. But I don't have time to think about eating or be like, oh, I'm hungry, whatever. Because I've just got stuff in the way. So I get up. I immediately make an electrolyte water.

And I take that with me with all my supplements. I take all my supplements with, like, the first half of it. I use them to get the stuff down. I take the other half of it to the park with me. I do an hour of steps walking the dog, and I get a coffee. So by the end of the walk, I've had a full bottle of water with electrolytes in,

all my daily supplements, an hour of steps and my first coffee of the day. I get, this is like if we're not in here. Get the dog back, put him in for his nap. I go straight to the gym and do like 45 to 50 minutes of weights. Fasted. Yeah. And then some cardio.

And then by the time I've done all that and got back to the house, I've been up from between half seven and 8 a.m. and it's now about half 12, 1 o'clock, and I have my lunch. And then I try and sort of push through the afternoon. If I get hungry, I'll have like a protein milkshake, which is normally got about 300 calories, but it's got 50 grams of protein.

And then I have my dinner about 7 o'clock, and then I'm done for the day. And are you trying, is this, you continuously now, rather than the sort of target, really strict, then get shit-faced in New York, and you're trying to just consistently check. I also know that like while I'm in New York,

I'm going with Jack and Keelan. I think you're going to drink alcohol when you're out there. I think I'm probably going to drink every day for eight days. But I also, I've made sure the hotel I'm in there's got a gym in here. So I'm going to try every morning. I'm going to try and go and do, like, the hour walk I would do with the dog. I'm going to try and find like a coffee shop that's 30 to 40 minute walk away from where we're staying. Like, because I want to go and try some other.

It's also something I like doing is getting. coffee from like the places to go. So I want to go and try and do a half hour walk to a coffee shop and walk back with that coffee then go to the gym and then I've just got that out the way and I can just do the rest of my day. I'll eat more in New York, I'll drink more, I'll probably come back maybe like three kilograms

heavier than I go. But then I've got another week before San Sebastian to just be dead strict and try and get, you know, a kilogram or two of that off. And you'll get to the point if you are doing weights where you stop looking at the number because it doesn't mean anything. Because if you get

I'm not weighing yourself. It just becomes pointless. It doesn't work. Because I weigh the same as I did three years ago but I look like shit then. I'm basing it on how I feel.

This is Devane but all I care about is what I look like. I'm basing it on how I feel in my clothes and when I look in the minute when I'm way myself, if I have a good week and then at the end of the week I've lost the pile

not even like maintain them like it's the fucking and it kind of puts me off. Laura has finally chucked the scales out. The scales are gone I'm not doing it a number. I'm looking at myself and going, right, I'm feeling happy.

Oh, like, this T-shirt doesn't fit as well as it wants to. Ah, I want to look good, Nicky it. Yeah,

I want to look good and feel good. I'm not asking about the number. I literally don't care. Yeah, it's healthy. But like, Seneca is weighing herself

and I'm like, it does the opposite effect for me. puts me off. I'm the same, but I ate a full toadone on Wednesday. I think I'm, I'm definitely in the minority in this room anyway.

I just don't think about any of this stuff. Yeah, because you're not that, Daddy, you genuinely hit you. He's younger than me. I've just like... He's like... Not for long.

Also, yeah, but Finn can lose weight without having to do. He's just gone. I'm going to move more. I'm going to think about portion control and over the last four years has continuously lost weight. Being a veggie.

What's helping me massively as well is like using a step counter and actually making sure I'm hitting me target. My average over the past month is 20,000 steps a day. That's loads. That's twice what you need.

What's the whoop like? I don't know how reliable it is for certain bits. It's really reliable for step counting. Yeah. And I've tested that. So like I've sort of gone, right, I'm going to walk. So from my house to here, it is just under four miles. And I asked, like, I just checked online,

what would be an average person's steps in this distance? Yeah. And then I made sure, because I did that walk the day for D&D. I took the dog home and then I walked back to town. I've just made sure that, like, the average that it says a normal person would do, that it was counting to that. Because I was like, I just want to make sure I am doing 20,000 steps a day, and I'm not doing 14,000 and it's overestimating.

It really, really, really, it really helps what you sleep. So it tells you, so when you were awake, when you were in deep sleep, and I do believe that's quite reliable. I've had some people say that, like, they don't trust the sleep thing, or maybe it's a placebo effect where they look at it. it goes, oh, recovery's bad, so I should feel bad. I've been doing the opposite thing where I wake up and I go, oh, I feel good there. And I check and it's like 93% recovery.

And then I wake up and I go, fucking enough, I feel awful. And it's like 12% recovery. And then it basically says you shouldn't train today. You should take it easy. You should recover. It gives you that sort of advice. Although I am, when it's been saying, take it easy today, have a rest day. I'm trying to not have really rest day.

You're talking fucking shit. But what it definitely does is it massively, massively underestimates. calories burnt. My average calories burnt, apparently for the past month, is you see that like small number there, 2,070 calories. But I'm doing 20,000 steps a day, going the gym four or five times a week,

playing footy and playing paddle. We played paddle the other day. And we played for nearly two hours, and it said it had been 200 calories. It's just not possible for it to, do you know what I mean? Yeah. How many calories are in the thing that we've got? Because I didn't eat many calories yesterday.

How much is in them? The meal. We've been getting, 600 calories and 50 grams of protein in each meal. Oh, I had 1,200 calories yesterday. That's two thirds of an ass eyeball. I've got Rizzler juice waiting in the... I'm scared to drink, though. Yeah, it's scary.

Julia bought us all Rizzler drink. Oh, can I have something that... I'm going to have some for the second section. It's a can and it comes with savings. It's 100... 120-something% of your daily sugar. Is that from one saving? Shall I go and get it, one?

I'm scared to drink it because it's like fucking back. We were going to do it on Monday and we all bottled it. I don't want to get emotional. Two servings in a can. Big can of sugarie pop. With just some large boy on the front of it. I mean, it's huge. It's an American size.

It's an American size. American size. Yeah, but they're an American size boy. When you go to the boss man shop and get a cold red mountain dew? 650 mil. There is 230 calories in it. And 52 grams of sugar. Yes, please.

But I'm definitely sort of feeling the best and I'm in the best mental place I've been for quite some time. Like supplements every day had helping me. Like at D&D the other night, I drank three quarters of a bottle of tequila. You drank about 4,000 cans of tonic. It was like you were making a tower. And, uh, but yesterday I was fine. How sweet.

Nett, Dan. Is it fine? That is disappointingly not that sugar. Oh, really? Oh. I mean, it is sugary. It is. It's not disappointing

about the Rizzler. I thought, not an ad. This is an app for the Rizler. I honestly thought that was, I was going to take a fucking layer off my teeth, but. Per container.

Ah. Two servants per container. I mean, to be fair, half a bit of... Only 57% it's only 21% to your daily carbs. But it is 104% to your daily sugar.

Mm, Lord. Get it at any local? boss mansure. Oh, we're all becoming gym geeks and I fucking love it. Nope. I was but that toberone

was good like. Do you not reckon you'll get older? When you say tooborone, do you mean Toblerone or Toblerone? Full tooborone. Full on your own. I mean, if you want me to open up, genuinely,

I spoke to call about this. Yeah, open up. Yeah. So I did the proposal Monday and then was on a high. And now she said yes and you're going to let it all hang out. And then I was fine on Tuesday

and then she came home and she was floating and I was like, I feel like I should feel like that. But really, I've just felt like I've done a proposal and then, like I'd plan something for ages

and then it's happened and then it's a weird like adrenaline dump. That is... Just so you feel all right and I'm sure if you've already mentioned Mr. Carl, I'm sure he's told you this, but that is so normal. And although like...

Although it's not the same thing. What? He's just shake. You say it's not normal. Normal for some. But when... When I slow it tomorrow, I mean, she said, yes, I was on a natural hive

weeks. You know, instantly, physiologically, mentally, I was like, this is everything I've ever wanted. And it filled my cup. But go on. Dan, what did your non-branded tracker say about her? It said, she's the one, no doubt. Harry?

Do you know, like, have to be, like, the arena and stuff? Because you felt a bit shit after that, like... It's a mad, mad adrenaline dump. And I spoke to it. I was like... I came in on the Wednesday and then told the story about it, whatever. And then after I got that out, I was like, oh, I feel mad. So I went home.

I was like, listen, I want to let you know, nothing to, I'm, I'm dead happy, but I'm also my head scrambled. So she was like, yeah, that's completely understandable. And so then I just ordered a full to-blower and ate it in bed. And then came in on the Thursday. God, those what your sheets looked like after that, by the way. I came in on Thursday fucking bouncing. And I feel good now, but that's what I'm. I need just like a medical toberon.

That's, medical toberone's fine. Yeah, but also, because obviously she works in a nursery and all the kids have graduated. So we've got 17 bottles of Proseca were in our house and loads of toberones and chocolate, so I'm just getting... That's also like,

again, you know, like I was saying before about like not trying not to have like hard deadlines for like weight loss targets and stuff. Like the other night at D&D, we all ordered pizza. And because I was getting pissed, I was like, I just, I've got to eat something else.

I just need to. So I think I had four slices of pizza, which, and they're pretty big slices, aren't they? So I was like, right, I'll have four slices of pizza, and then I was like, right, for the rest of the week, I'll just cut 500 calories a day off and I'll go down to 1,500. And then I was like, that, that only matters

if I'm giving myself a deadline of going to this wedding. Those four slices of pizza across the rest of my life don't matter. So I had to just go, just fucking stop it. I went for the hiccouries last night. I said to Harry, I was like, You've planned this mental thing that's been the most important thing

in your life for, I know, eight months. Yeah. On your own, with all this pressure, like responsibility pressure. And you hardly told anyone to share the load. It was a very small in a circle of 180 to 190 people. It's like this has to work. This has, all the pieces need to come in

and need to book him and blah, blah, blah. And then you've done all this thing and gone to Ellie. Look, yeah, and she's gone, nice one. And you've got not on back. That's just the way. it is. You can I even suck you off on your birthday? I didn't even wake up to

I woke up to porridge and not even like dick porridge or anything. I don't know if that's evening. Like on Christmas you go, hey, those other things I've done and then you go, it's my turn, you get it back. A post-proposal,

Bertie wake up, you should have woke up to her tongue being up your ass. She should have woke you up with a morning rim and no consent needed. I had a lot of hot honey last night to be good care. But yeah, it's like I felt it

after the wedding. It's just a mad adrenaline done. Get ready. Get ready. Like it happened to me on the wedding night where you're like, I don't feel. It's almost like you've used all of your emotions. And it's really weird because you've got this idea of the wedding night

being like this thing where you're like finally get back and you're like, oh my God, this is it. This is the rest of our lives. And I was just sat there like you're both spent naked. Did you have sex on your wedding night? No, we've got a takeaway. He finished half of it. And she's like, just got to go to bed.

Just exhausted at 2 o'clock in the morning. Me and Alex have put in a new policy for our sex life. Talk to me. The fuck first policy. So whenever we're doing date nights or going anywhere, we fuck before we go out. So there's no pressure to fuck at the end of the thing. Is that the Swedish thing?

Is that the Swedish trouble? At the end of the light, you're like, oh. So like, if we're going out while we're getting ready, that's when we get that in. And then the rest of the night, if you go again later when you get back, class. But like, you, that's such an important thing. And because me and her both like a pint,

often, if we go out and I have seven or eight pints, we get back, I'm like, you just want to fight. I'm like, just like, so the fuck-faced policy. One of you's been arrested. I can't recommend it enough. Weller your beard before you take her for dinner.

We do it all the time. We do it before the school run. I'm like, before we get these kids ready, suck my dick. Yeah. You want to go to ASDA? You think we're going to go into ASDA? When morning, she's getting prime dick, mate.

No, she's not. You're not going to see it on the webbing morning. You're not going to see it on the webbing morning. You won't be in the same point. I mean, yeah, you can. She won't want to see you for a... She'll want to be with a friend. She'll want to dick him before she gets married.

Also, there's a wedding photographer before you take any pictures. Yeah. Bad luck to see her. Just face away. Fuck first policy, honestly. If... I mean, I saw Sereka all day.

At every point of the day. There was a hour before we did the first look that I didn't see her. Yeah. Should have got a little knobbing in. I think people would have noticed. You were there? Yeah.

You should have just gone. I'm going to go and knobby here. I don't like that. So much life advice for Adam this morning. I'm going to write this speech. Not eating breakfast, counting your calories, getting your steps in.

The fuck first policy. It's just like you can learn from him. It's such a good, fucker move. I was cleaning the house other day and I bet you weren't. Ellie started doing a policy where she gives me a list of things to do,

which I think it's best for all of us. Yeah, they hate that, but like that's the only way we were. I think that's good. Yeah, they do hate that. They do hate that.

No, some women do. But I think if you're going to have this man in your life, you probably need to accept it's just going to be part of the parcel, do you know what I mean? Part of the parcel? Past the parcel around? Yeah, part of the parcel. Part of the parcel.

Part and parcel. Yeah, totally, but it can also be part. Is he the part of the package? Is he the parcel? I'm the parcel package. You're a parcel part. Far parcel. That's going to be a far parcel.

But I was like, do the bed in or whatever. And she came upstairs. I had music on and like we started we were like, fuck it, let's just have sex or whatever. When clean in the house. Oh, it was great. Oh, it's a young. Enter Sandman was on by Metallica.

Oh my God. I felt like I wanted to match a steel chair across her face. Don't do that. It was the most, it was like, do, do, do it. And I was like, put it around the bed. It's like, hey, fucking like. You, right, okay.

Yeah. I think if a girl tries to fuck you join into the Sandman, she's asking for anal, I think. Because Sandman's the ass in her. Is it? Enter my sand man. Mr. Sandman. It's the ass.

Yeah, but you'd strike. If sand is one of them, it's not the front. Obviously, check. Don't just go straight for the bum, but just go, hey, are you trying to let me know that you're after a bum in here? Well, I've never shag to see.

Everyone knows. If you've been the beach for the day and she puts Metallica on, she's talking about the sand in her asshole. Oh, fuck it. Well, I've never had sex to music. And then go Nando's. Why?

That was the first time. I'd ever had sex to music it was just because it was accidentally on. I think it's too over, I don't know,

if I didn't get too overstimulated, because I was keeping, I was keeping to the beat of it, but it just felt too aggressive. Have you usually, like, Game with Thrones on and something?

Just silence. You got to sit the Munion Brothers on, man. When me and said, I got together, I'd go to where he's, and we wouldn't watch the telly, because, you know, when you get together,

you're like fucking rabbits and you should have music on. So now all that music is like, what is it? Sexy playlist. It's all like indie indie bands of that time.

A lot of strokes. A lot of the strokes. You strike me as a kind of person who's had sex to like question time. Well, we put films on. Brand designs or something. We shagged to Billy Elliott. Yeah. That was the main one that we got flack from Colin Finn for.

A film about a child. It didn't turn us on. Well, it didn't turn you off. And you said Julie Walters wants to fuck the kid. No, I think it was implied. It was chemistry. we did Bohemian Rhapsody and I've never watched that back to be fair

he got AIDS and you got hard do you know what I got hard before he got AIDS which I think shows who I am as a character homerrober when me and Tennis were doing that it was DVDs it wasn't like Netflix and we didn't have loads

we had Inception I mean those were a joke but there's a scene where snow is on the screen for the first time they know how far it is but we don't we would never be watching a part of time the snow was on and that stayed like as a joke forever.

Did you shag to a lot of DVD menus? Like, it's going to be a bobby ride. We'd have to finish the film or like get very close to the end. How long do you have to be sex? We're fucking to the extras. You'd have to be usually, you know, I think he was more suggesting

before you even press play. Yeah, or do that. Oh, poor it in it. It's like the night in the museum one, it'd take you around the museum. So you cut that halfway through. God, let's go to the different part of the museum?

No, I wasn't doing that. Just a suggestion for next time. Yeah, the snow scenes, a bit of a run and joke for me, and so. Time for a break? Feels like a natural lull. So, really,

just before we start the part, if someone says something really out of kilter, it's hard to then just go, hey. You're on tour, aren't you, Adam? Very soon. Start of October, basically a month, this weekend.

starting island Kirk and uh oh jeez where's that cork that's one of my top two things of

2013 uh and then a little goblin one and then yeah shall I have a little fork and look

and tell everyone because I don't think da da da da da da da Adam Rose To let's have a look and we'll do

Where's he going Where's he going Do it in order Hey That's an interesting Do you want to buy some ticket To Adam's To

October 2nd Cork October 2nd Cork October 5th 4th, Dublin, October 9th, Bristol, October 10th, London. October 17th, REL. Trel. October 18th, Cardiff.

October 24th, London again. London. October 30th, Middlesbritt, town hall. October 31st, Halloween in Newcastle at the City Hall. Spooky. November 1st, Glasgow Kings Theatre, one of the best rooms in the world. November 6th, Sheffield, November 3rd. and 14th, the Liverpool Empire, November 19th, York, November 27th, Manchester, November 29th, Birmingham, the Alexander, and December 3rd, the final show of this tour, Nottingham Royal Concert Hall.

Come and see us, livenation.com, Adamrow.com.com.com.com. Loads sold-out shows now. The next ones with tickets available are Blackpool on 3rd.com.com. Thursday the 10th, Sheffield on the 12th of September, Brighton, on the 16th of October. Come and have a watch of me and my friends, Dan Nightingale.com. They are the most fun and make me regret putting in so many circuit gigs because circuit gigs are fine, but these are well better. You just said you want to go back to them, Spiking Mike gigs when you're 60? I'm after re-think that. Lost in 17.

I'll be doing Dan Nightingale and aging friends. aging although Ishan aging Asian friends there you go there you go that's what we're talking about I think after this tour's done

I'm going to do two Adam Rowan friends gigs maybe from the end of the next year onwards two to three to four Adam Roan friends gigs every week forever until I've got an hour

ready for a special what a life moving them around a bit yeah yeah maybe maybe want to earn millions of pounds doing stand-up.

I want to earn quite well from stand-up while driving no more than 23 minutes from my house. Nice and local team. Did anyone see Tom Hardy? Yes. Is now a legit

hip-hop artist. He was back in the day as well. No, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no. He's been rapping for a while. Yeah, on MySpace. He was not a legit hip-hop artist. He did a couple of songs as Frankie Pulitzer. Yeah, did he? Yeah, but since he's become

an A-list movie star, now he goes, hey, can I do something with Wutankan? And they're like, yeah, I think now he's legit. Oh, he's got a song with Wutankan. Are you coming for Tom Hardy? Is it Tom Hardy featuring Wutang

or is it Wutang featured in? Method Man's on one of his songs. It's with Zarface, and then he's got Method Man and Inspector Dex. So he's got two of the proper legit Wu-Tang Clan members. He's a massive Wutang Clan fan. He's got a fucking

tea cozy over his head rapping as Frankie Pulitzer and it's pretty good I'm looking forward to Ray Winston's country album like you would you'd listen

he could do a good version of hurt he could I reckon who so you get so famous you get Tom Hardy level famous because Tom Hardy I know what you're saying he has been rapping for a while

he's been rapping for a while but now he's like oh yeah he's got the sort of experience, he's decent. It's not amazing. But also what's cool is he's such a massive Wutan Klan fan that he's he raps like he's raps like them.

So to then do a hip-hop song with them he sounds like he's from New York. Yeah. It's cool. Who would be the country artist that you were like, listen, I want to do an album and you want to be legitimized. So they're like the ones that sort of do it with you.

It's hard to look past Willie Nelson, is now? You and Willie Nelson? I'd like to be there at the video record. He's doing Friday and Michael Lastonbury. He's probably dead then. If I felt like I could sing at all, I think I'd have already released a couple of tracks. I've been writing.

Writing what? No. I've just been writing lyrics. 100 lyrics in my spare time. Adam did mention this to me a while ago. On your phone? We talked about maybe putting it to music. No, I've got a notebook in the house.

in the atta. Oh, it's far away as possible. He's joined down bars, me. He's joined down bars. Oh, it's not bars. It's lyrics,

like proper lyrics. Oh, sorry. He's not rapid. He's not wrapping. He's not rapping. Massive difference. Eventually,

am I pitched them? Two country artists. I think some of them are quite good. Pitch them as, well, to buy. Yeah. People do that.

People sell songs. Yeah, he hasn't got a song. He's got lyrics. No, I've got five or six songs and then there's pages of just like lyrics that I haven't found a song for you.

Any names for the songs? You've created the music in your head. Huh? You've created the songs. You know how it sounds. I know how I want it to sound, but I'm not a musician, am I? I'm a word smith.

Adam makes a country album, Patreon special. Please. Have you got any names? The songs? I haven't looked at it for a while, but yeah, they've all got titles. Can you remember any?

Just one? No, it has been a while. Since I've... My dog matches my sideboard. What? Your dog matches my sideboard. What's that about? It's, I think it's pretty self.

Oh, it's a bit Ron Seal. It's one of them Ron Seal. It's one of them. It's about me dog being the same colour as me sideboard. Oh, it's one of them. It's one of them. It's one of them classic country ones. There's no nuance at all.

No, no. I got a dough. I got a side bowl. They're both the sort of teak. Have you been made my thine? Absolutely flex those first two lines as well. So you like Tom Hardy doing this But there is another British

actor that's also been rapping for years That does the odd spot in some tunes And you're a big fan of us Yeah Oh no Idris Yeah He's the least cool, cool guy

No he isn't He's just dead cool And you have this really weird racist Vib against him How is anything just because he's black, I can still think he's a gimp. Don't.

But he's the only one you hate out loud. He's what? He's the only person you hate out loud. I hate loads. You haven't heard any of his rapping and you instinctively have gone shy. Tom Arnick. It's like, he's all right.

It is covered in my social media. And I'm like, fucking someone's help. Big dripper Idris. Uncalled to just take an afternoon off. The cunt never says no. I feel the same if James Corden started fucking rapping.

That it's, it's, it's such a weird thing because everyone else in the world thinks he's cool as for. Yes, they do. No, they do not. When Idris spit some bars, no, everyone in the world's like, oh, Dan Nighting goes so wrong.

This is excellent. Oh, well, all your little Dan boss will be comment on this. Adam is so wrong. I think Gids herself is stupid as well. You think he's a gimp with Alvue, Dan, kiss me. No, I didn't enjoy Luther. I think he's a little overrated. as an actor. Stringer Bell in the wire is unbelievably good. He's so good in the wire. He's

one of the best bits of an already astonishing series. But there's been moments with Idris when I'm like, I just don't think he's that good. When he starts rapping and DJing, I'm not into it, mate. When Paul Chuckles started DJ, did you hate that? Or because he's white, you didn't care. I was just like, yeah, it's just a proud white. Rep him, take him back to the four. Have you ever thought about you are dead racist, aren't you? Stinking so, yeah, stinkingly. Have you ever sat down? Stinking so.

Do you think you could be persuaded by Idris ever? Elba. Really nice. If he were talking about it, right now. What's he been in recently? That's a good question. He was in cats, Wernie? Do you do Marvel stuff now?

Oh, he was in cats. Oh, yeah, great. He was the cat? He was the cat in cat. He was in cat. He was in Masters of the Universe. I saw it. Not good.

Hijack, the TV show. Zootropolis. You love Zootropolis. Made Sootopia. You fucking come for that. Yeah, he was the big Wildebeest. Chief Bogo. Chief Pogo.

Did he the Simpsons? Yeah, he was all right in that. He was all right. One of the weaker bits, probably. That's Sonic for Hedgehog 3. One of the best Sonic. He plays knuckles. He plays knuckles, yeah.

Loads of stuff. Got such range, man. He has. Yeah. In games? He's in the game, cyberpunk. He is? He's everywhere.

He's fucking all over the shot. Have you seen... I'd love him to play Bond. Because I don't give a shit about Bond and I'd love the fucking gamins to be wound up. There's a hot topic on black TikTok at the minute. There's many black podcasts in America who are discussing who has more range,

Will Smith or Denzel Washington. More range. Will Smith, isn't it? Will Smith played the same? No, okay. It's Will Smith? Doesn't it was a genie? Dens had always the cool guy?

He's always the coolest guy in the room, always? No, there was that film where he just played some fella, fences. Was that that that what's called? Viola Davis. I was that the one, I don't have to like Hugh. Yeah, it was a player and then they did a film. What's the, is it the equalizer? What's the, is it the old guy?

He's absolutely nails, but he's sort of retired, but he sees some sort of injustice, and he just has to get involved again. The same is a safe house. He's just the cool guy. Just an old, hard guy. I'm trying to be out of the game, but, oh, you killed the, you know,

the postman's daughter. Training Day, cool guy. Whereas Will Smith has played Hitch, the blue genie in Aladdin. Mohammed Ali. Mohamed Ali. Serena Williams' dad. Serena Williams' dad.

She's a happiness. Fresh Prince of L.A. I robot. A skeptical. What was the one in, what was the zombie one that was fucking brilliant. I'm legend. It's a great film.

Hancock. He's a gobshried superhero. It's definitely Will Smith. It is Will Smith. You're right. He's a bit of a gimp. Bit of a gimp. Yeah, but he's got that range.

He's a gimp as well. Jake, come on, man. Again. Yeah. And he's a rapper. Not just because he's like. And he's a rapper, yeah? He's a rapper that.

He's got bangers. Miami. Wow, wow, West was bad though, on it? I saw a question the day. No, I like, I quite like that. That was for the film, wasn't it? least favorite.

Who's bigger? Tom Cruise or Leander the Caprio? Tom Cruise. The United of DiCaprio is well bigger? No, it's Tom Cruise. I agree, but not many people do. Tom Cruise is famously, like, dead small.

Ah. Nice. DiCaprio? I say, I agree. Now? No. I think... Which mean no?

No. Just in terms of every kind of metric. International box office. I think if you ask most people on the street to name their five, favourite films, at least one of them in there has got the Caprio and I reckon none of them. Who's got the biggest total box office ever? Total box office ever.

I'm pretty sure. I think Zoe Salbano. No, I was there. Oh, right. I think Titanic might skew this, you know, because that was a big film, I think. I think it's going to be. Hasn't Gary Oldman got one of the biggest box offices of all time? Just don't take the out of those.

It'll be quite big because of the Batman films. Batman, Harry Potter. But all of... I think that skews it, though. All of them now, or if you're in Marvel and another big franchise, if you're in either of them, you've kind of, like, cheated your way to the top. Like, Tom Holland is going to be billions and billions. I mean, just like, not even, like, just like vibes, you just think's bigger.

Do you know what I mean? I think it's the Caprio. Well, Tom Cruise is sort of the... He's the archetypical film star, isn't it? Yeah, he's a movie star, whereas Leonardo Caprio is like, he's in films, but he's also a gooseer, and he? No, they're both movie stars. Because film, movie stars in the past,

Never goosed women. No, but like... In a cartoon, if there's a film star, it's Tom Cruise in it. Tom Cruise is so famous that he's got a phrase named after him for like, when gay men go and look for gay men

in, like, toilets. What's the... Cruising is named after Tom Cruise. No, it is not. Yeah, it is. What film is he in where he played a gay fella who's going to toilets or something?

If I say Leo's outside, there's two people you think of. The... Messy. There's Messi and there's DeCaprio. If I say Tom's outside, you like which one? I don't know where you've got this...

Face Griller. That cruising thing is not... I don't know where you got that from. There's a film called cruising, but it's got Al Pacino in it. It's Al Pacino. That's what that's called. By the way, Tom Cruise,

Tom Cruise beats Leo DiCaprio by $3.5 billion. I've also been doing it a lot longer as well. But yeah, also, so what are the numbers? 11 billion for Tom, 7.5 for Leo. To be fair, all... Still, bait. He's still bigger?

Like, he's in multiple people... If you're asking me who I prefer, it's Leo every day, but in terms of just, like, who's the bigger star? It's Tom Cruise, and it's... It's not that cloud. Tom Cruise. The Caprio? No, Tom Cruise would get more.

Like, that Oprah, that Oprah one... I mean, we'll say yes to both bookings. He's also the head of... He's like... You're watching Tom Cruise. You're like, he's a gimp. Anyway, to say something gimpit. You're watching Leo because, like, he's sick.

You're only saying that because he's white. He's also second in command of a religion. Yeah, the gimpiest religion. No, he just doesn't talk about it. He can't leave. No, I'm pretty sure he got a transfer. He's like buddhism or something. Oh shit, transfer, the Adelaide.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure he's left. No. He might have gone to Saudi. I think you signed a billion year contract. What? You signed a billion year contract. And they pick his wife for him. They do like pageants and they present like,

here's his new wife. Yeah. Yeah. I think the Caprio is bigger personally. But it divides. Dan, you haven't given you an answer, do you think?

I mean, DiCaprio is the most important film star in, in terms of prestige, Paul, right now, cool, he's the pinnacle of film stars,

but you can't be like, Tom Cruise, he's shaggy. No. He's also massive box office and he has the sort of legacy of it as well. I know I'm with you. I prefer DiCaprio.

What's his biggest films? I've gone. It's also a different metric to label without preference, like, it's hard to be objective. on it, isn't it?

Because you're talking about the two biggest movie stars. But what's Tom Cruise doing with Mission Impossibles in like foreign markets that's probably through the roof? Oh, massive, yeah. Yeah.

Well, I say, let's go and watch the Caprio or the new Tom Cruise. We're like, no, you're going to Caprio. Do you know, man? Looks great. Yeah, I agree. What? He's a digger and digger looks really good.

So that was our film bit. Hey, question. You are in a police chase. Do you think you're a good enough driver to evade being nabbed by the cops? And that's from Sean Byrne. Yeah.

Is it one car? It won't be forever, though, will it? How long are you got in a police chase before they have backup? You've got the first 10-15. I think once they've got backup, once there's like three, four, five cars, after you're fucked.

Oh, Adam, once there's a bird in the sky. Yeah, the chopper. You know. But if it's just me against one police car, dust, mate. Does he know where I live as good as me? Carl, knowing where you live, how the fuck do you know any, there's no snickets, there's no fucking... There's one-way roads, it's surrounding my world.

I know the one-way roads, like the back of me a bloody asshole. Carl, if you got in a police chase where you... I don't know it at all. If you got a stuck in a police chase Near your road You, that's it You're just gonna No, no, because they're all one way

And he can't go past me To like pit manoeuvre me He's always behind me I'll just drive it 30 miles now What's gonna do? It's a dead end? Which is a dead end? Your road?

No, I'm not going down my road But I mean round by ours I'd be like, brother, we're gonna do? Should we get in your road? It's over. Yeah, I'm not going on my road But round my eyes, brother, you're toast And he'll drive 20 round the park

Like a gimp, I won't I'll be going 80. Oh yeah. Those famous police chases where they're like, well, we can't break the speed, let me to catch him. I reckon I'd be able to get away with her. I've also, my car's quite quick, so.

Yeah, it is. I'd love to see a stinger. I'd love to see that in the wild. You know, when they throw the stinger out. Yeah. Yeah, but I'd want to see it. I've got run flat. My car's got run flats,

so they'd be fucked. What the, and they don't? You can drive on them. A criminal's dream. Literally. He's up to something. What are you saying, Adam? Would you back yourself to evade the police on foot?

It's you against the average Bobby. One guy. Frazier. Badly. I've not been running. I've not been running. I can run better than I used to, but I'm a little bit out of the game

because my Achilles was giving me a little, there was a niggle. There was a niggle in my Achilles. Very separate conversation to what we were talking about eight minutes ago. I had a problem with my car, I don't know, you know. I think I'm at the age where I'd be like,

I can back myself and then my fucking... The average Bobby, those are all fat donut eating knobheads? on the telly. Are they Chief Wiggum from the Simpsons in your head? Also, it's not just about running, it's about evasion and evasion and like jumping and hiding and rolling. Are you fast or are you good at distance? Yeah, I'm going to jump, hide, roll, evade.

No, but you have to. You're off the shoulder, no, don't you? Ah, there you go. Fucking dick, I'd get up off that. Like, like, it's the pamperona bull running. I'm just like... No, you've got to jump fences, you've got to either, the bushes, like, it's not just straight running. It's a chase. I think a daytime chase from the police is mainly just running. Just running.

I'd run into St. John's Market. That's where I'd be, wherever I am in the city, I'd be running towards St. John's. Because I think once I'm in there... Stings of fish as well. Yeah. It's hard to run with your mouth open

when there's just the smell of cockles. So I always say. So this overweight special needs policeman is going to run in and go, hey, blah, that fucking... It would affect him. John Lewis, you'd absolutely fucking blathering. You can have time to buy things.

The idea is you want to try and find a change of clothes, but obviously a change of clothes you're then going to get changed, but maybe just like a big coat. And then you go up to the policeman, you go, I already went that way. And then he goes, are we in Som and Jenny? Thank you. I've got a minute.

And then what you should do, Dan, draw a tunnel on the wall. Maybe I was running to... Yeah, run into like a big shop. You're all right, Dan. You can't take your pill. It's time for lunch. Is that what that is? Yeah.

I sign alone. For midday? I'm pretty disciplined. We needed a 20-minute section and I wasn't giving us one minute more. Let's have a break. Jean-Marco's in the building. Yes.

Hey! Welcome back. We're all doing now in New York. Oh! Oh, yeah. It's fucking Jean-Marco's a raising. What am I? How are you?

A good. I don't know if I'm that New Yorker. I'm the more Jewish. Yeah. Hello. Yeah, but we've done that a lot on the pod as well. Oh, yeah? Yeah, you cut that out now that I'm here.

You go, we got one Jew here. Oh, my God. Great. Is Jean-Marco not Italian? Yeah. Yeah. But it's kind of like, I'm a little Italian. Un Boko.

Mom's Jewish. Dad's Italian playing it up. Right, I see. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. That's a nice, that's a proper New York mix, though. Sure. Sure.

But it's like, you know, it's weird because if you meet someone who's Italian and Jewish, like, And it's artificially Italian Jewish. You know, it's one on each side. Yeah. You know. So I don't know. I just identify more.

I say I'm Italian. I have more Italian fans now that go, you're not Italian. Stop saying that. Like, okay. Okay. Even with the Jan Marcos Erezzi. Oh, you sound like an amazing.

You sound like you got a World Cup winner's medal in 2006 for Italy. Like, if you told me, John Marco Seresi was in that squad. I'd be like, yeah. He was the reserve key pair. Yeah. Well, I heard in Italy, like, Jamarco's like an old-fashioned name. It would be like someone called, in America, someone who's called Fanny.

It's like, oh, people don't, and I don't know if they hear, maybe that's like the new name. There's only Fanny Kradik, isn't it? You know the Fanny difference, don't you? Yeah. The Fanny difference? As in Fanny. Oh, Fanny is a Puss. Yeah.

For us, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Where's that. Well, I learned foof recently. Foof. I was doing a Victoria's podcast and we were talking about pussy.

They didn't feel comfortable with pussy. And my girlfriend doesn't like when I say the word pussy in stand-up, she goes, that's not who you are. And I'm like, but there's no other words. And foof is a little soft. Foof. Yeah. Foof.

Very French. Well, there's a lot of, like, I think a lot of names for vagina come from dads who are uncomfortable saying words they've said to their partner about their daughters, so they won't say my daughter's pussy, because I feel too sexy. I can't see that. You can't see your daughter's pussy. Don't say to the doctor.

Mum's not available. There's something wrong with a pussy. I'll leave the room. Can't see a problem. Horrific. But they come up with like cute, like oh, she's got a problem with their foo. She's got a problem with it. Wait, so foof would be like you'd say to a doctor, you'd say foofe. No. It's a euphemism. A euphemism.

You can't say to your missis in the throes of passion. I'm going to tongue punch your foof. Isn't that what you get with a three-piece sweet to put your leg on? No, that's a poof. And I think you should know that. Foof is not a dirty talk. No.

It is like, okay, good to know. Because I was going to try it. I was going to slip it in. Get your foof. I mean, if your Mrs. doesn't know,

then you can make it whatever you want. You can take that. And maybe in America, that will become the new pussy. You could be patient Zero of foof. Oh my God. You know what I mean? But I want to make it dirty over there.

I don't want it to make sense. I want them to come here and be like, that footh so, so tight. That fuf tight. You can't be used in a sexual way. Foof just cannot. Foof is medical about a child. So it's like Minky moo.

Mm-hmm. It Minky Moos, brofmate. Sounds dirty. I'm looking at it Minky moo for us. Mankey. Because he's got a monkey moo. Her minky moo's gone monkey? Was Fanny ass in America before Fanny was pussy in the UK?

Well, I actually went to college for this. No, it's no idea. Does I imagine Fanny's quite a new word than the English language for me in the front? Who was Fanny Kaddock? Was she a Prime Minister? But we don't really use Fanny, to be clear. Like, that's what it means. It means ass, but we, other than Fanny Pack,

no American saying Fanny. But that's on your fronts as well, isn't it? That's what I always... That's on your fronts, yeah. I think that's where the confusion comes around because the Fanny Pack is here. It's where the Poo-Wose is. I mean, the bum bag.

Should we got the Pumbag? The Pumbag, quite famously, is you, was usually on the bum. I mean, that's why it got called the bum bag. The bum bag. Yeah,

we say a fanny pack. Fanny pack is bum bag. People used to wear it on the bag. I think that's where the name came from. Why would you want something around your back though? That's just not very handy to get your street. Can you not say pussy pack? But you know what it was then?

Because you're confused about where the bum bag is. I mean, if I'm wearing a pussy pack, there's so many questions, isn't there? Finn? No, I don't think it is normally around.

the back. It's party in the front. Who's Fanny Crather? Yeah, if this is when anthropology class was, a restaurant critic. Prime Minister. There's no fannies in the UK

for names except for like that's not. You're saying that's an old name for an American person? Yeah, I think Jean-Marco is the Italian version of like Albert. Yeah. Sure. Yeah.

Isn't one of the princes. No. I thought one of the younger ones are. Albert's coming back. Yeah. Yeah. Albert's one of those ones. So,

Jan Marcon might be coming back in Italian culture. Like, because grandparent names sort of come back to be fashionable. Yeah, yeah. Like, I've always like, do you think people like,

no longer name their kids Andrew for a little bit? Because they don't want to be like, oh, my Prince Andrew. Like, like, like I don't know what changes. I mean,

when that happens, there's definitely less Epstein's now. Yeah. First name. Epstein. That was his name. I know, but people are changing it.

I'm sure. Yeah, maybe he's, I'm sure there was a lack of Adolfs for a while and it kind of comes back. Adolf is illegal in Germany. It is illegal? You can't call your kid Adolf.

No way. I think it's the only one. But you can't over here. You can still name your kid after Gerbils. You can't call it our Joey. But yeah, you can't call him Adolf. If they then go, oh, is it after Joseph Garbles? That's crazy.

Renan Hirshberg has such a great joke about like the swastika rule. In Germany, it's illegal to draw a swastika, I guess. and he's like, they're kind of being Nazis about it. It really speaks to a very strict. Oh, man, I had no idea that's true. Just check that. I'm 19.0.97 short it is. You come up and register the name.

I don't know whether they're just assuming, like, the name had something to do with it. One minute. It's not strictly illegal, but combining it with Hitler is. Middle name Hitler. So you could have like a daughter named Susan. in Hitler and a son named Adolf Epstein. Yeah, because the Hitler family must still be about.

Oh, there is. Oh, that one of them is still around. He's a got to that. I know, that's been Lardens. It's our family name. We've been Hitler's for generations. And I won't change it. Are they still Hitler's in Germany? They must have, must have changed their name. I think they left Germany, for sure.

Argentina, I want to. That's where they, all friends apparently. They must have changed. There's no way you could have that same name in the modern world. Someone, someone does? They're virtually no people with the surname Hitler living in Germany. But that's virtually... So there is a couple...

They're in Argentina now. Yeah. Just hanging on to it. No. There's names in the UK that are legal as well, but it's... Like, when Elon Musk called his kid, like fucking... His PIN code, remember? Yeah.

Ex, it starts with X. It's a bunch of things. But then the state said, no, that's not a legal name. Yeah. And they made them call her a real name. Yeah, but basically, it can't be like seeing his child. You can't call your kid, like, knobbed. You know what I mean?

I think you can't. In America, you can't. And I read it was some study where they compare, some parents, they thought a cool, interesting experiment. They named one of their kids winner and one of their kids loser. And then the loser ended up doing better in life. So, you know, it was good experiment. Because he felt like he had to like overcome something, whereas winner felt like he already was there. Maybe.

There's a lot of theories floating around. Or winner was hit by a car when he was four. And that fucked him up. Who knows? No, that's great, by the way. There was a similar experiment in the UK. between people, they got two crest plants,

you know, crests, like a watercress. Yeah. So they got two crest plants and they were talking to one of the plants saying you're a beautiful sexy little crests.

Oh, sure, sure. Yeah, trying to fuck the crest. And the other one, they were saying, you're a shit little crest plant. You're never going to be a good crest plant. They were called the press,

like a fat cuns and the crest was like, oh, God. And that one wilted, and the other one blossomed. Listen, I'm a skeptic.

I'm a skeptic. There's a footballer called Ricky Lambert. partly talks the water. I used to be into this stuff. When I was in college, I was going through my existential crisis, I was like, oh yeah,

this all is real. But it's all bullshit. It's all bullshit. The plant doesn't know. No, this is all horses shit. What do you mean? It's horses shit.

Well, you don't know that. You're not spiritual at all. It's spiritual to believe a plant knows when it's being called a cunt. Like, is that? What religion is that? There's no magic in you, John Marco.

There's not that magic. That magic's too specific. It's lambatism. Garbed Lambert, Suta. Finn, please read them names. There are some

illegal baby names in the UK. This is just a few of them. Martian, monkey, Chowtow, which means... Chowtow.

It means smelly head, apparently. Rogue and Akuma. In Japanese, it means devil. Rogue. What's really? It's quite cool,

rogue. Rogue. I might change my name to that. I feel like there is a rogue. I feel like that's definitely... Who has to tell the parent like they're holding their newborn.

His name is rogue. and the doctor goes, sorry, I got the five here. I want to change my name to Roebroke. I want to change my name to Smellyhead Martian monkey. Nightingale. What's up?

Maybe then I get some telly. Oh my God. Illegal baby names in Germany. Matty. Cole. Stompie. Adolf Hiller. Osama bin Laden.

Osama bin Laden. That name is illegal in Germany. Really? Can you work around? Could you make it Adolf Hitler but one word? Yeah, it looks like. It reads like it, but it does not specify. When was Osama bin Laden

inducted into the illegal name? My man's gone international there, hadn't he? Like, he must be made up. He would have been made up there. He's been international for a while, right famously. Yeah, but I imagine in Muslim countries they're trying to avoid it,

but like he's gone to Germany. France is a bit, there's a bit more, like, odd ones, Nutella and Manhattan. Manhattan? You can't call your kid Manhattan in France. That's a sick name, Manhattan, bro, as well. Or Prince William.

Or Minnie Cooper. I'd be fine name one kid Osama bin Laden one kid Manhattan. See who that's better. In America, there's no way there's any... See it in America, because I just feel like this is... This feels like a little bit of a difference in America and different parts of Europe.

Too woke? No, I'm just thinking like, America's like, you can't tell us what to name our kid. We will name our kid Osama bin Hitler, Manhattan if we want to. Well, like a free speech Republican just to prove a point. I've just been thinking about like our First Amendment is freedom of speech. And like that is so the core of our whole identity that we're willing to sacrifice so many other things just to be able to say whatever. And I'm not saying it's good.

I'm just saying like that is the core of what America is. I know this is maybe a silly question. Is that a limit to the First Amendment or is it totally limit? Well, of course, there's, there's, there's, like, I, I had a teacher, and the way he described it, he said, he said, you know, freedom of speech, but the freedom to wave your fist stops at the tip of my nose, which I think was his way of saying, be very careful criticizing Israel. You drew us in there really well. There are some band in America. Some of them, I feel like you shouldn't have. to ban them. Is this?

Yeah. Oh my. So I get all of these. Adolf Hitler again. But then there's King. Even though there's like King Green. Bobby Green, is it? But that's not his actual name, is it?

No, but they're banned baby names. You can switch it once you're in adults. That's why I'm going to get away with Rogue Row. All of Simon, Hitler. Jesus Christ. The Hispanic community. Wait, yeah, that's crazy. This is real.

No, because Jesus is fine. But Jesus Christ. is not okay. Jesus Christi. Yeah. The number three, Santa Claus, Majesty,

a at symbol, and 1069. That was in 1976. North Dakota Supreme Court rejected a legal request to change a name to 1069.

Is that for the three-year anniversary of 1066? Yeah. Yeah. Yes. In America. In North Dakota. What was America then?

Excuse me? What was America in the year 1069? America? It was a, it was, no, it wasn't. It wasn't. I mean, with the year 1060? I mean, 700 years later. You said it became America?

Yeah, many indigenous people's different months. Four times and you don't know. 1780. Yeah, it was in 1700s? So what was America in 1069? In 1069? Yeah. It was, it was Native American.

and various... Yeah, yeah, but it wasn't the United States of America. It wasn't the United at all. It was the un-united tribes of Native Americans. Yeah.

I mean, that's not what they were calling themselves. Navajo. There you go. Apparently, they were building massive pyramids at that point in America. Always copy of them.

In America? Yeah. In North America, Finn, do you want to check some of the... Monks Mound? Apparently. I'll Google what the thing is.

Yeah. And then ship in the Moss to Egypt? Monks Mountain is the largest prehistoric earthen structure in the America standing around 100 feet tall and covering 14 acres at its base. It's near Illinois. 100 feet tall, that's not that big. No. That's not worth visiting at this building.

Prehistoric. No one's like aliens must have built those. They're like, oh yeah, I could have done that. When does America get history in the future to go, I remember that? Because it was only about 200 years ago. you started. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, but I mean, like, we've got, like, we've got so much history in this. Jamarco, you know what's really funny about that question? He doesn't believe any of our history before 200 years ago. So for you to pose that question is wild. Every time I talk about the middle age, he's like, what a load of shite, there's no pictures,

and they're like, oh, you haven't got any fucking history, we've got loads. I mean, like, in what point of the future that they start having? But you go far that, I mean, all you know is that what we think we know it's so inaccurate. I mean, you try your best.

But like, who knows? It's all where the mouth and written down. Yeah. That's a real problem with all of history before cameras. No, I think history starts at the suffragists. Then onwards, I believe it all. It started with the woman's vote. Yeah.

That's a beautiful way. That's how woke is. That's when history started. I remember going to Pompeii. I think Pompeii, but like they had the stones on the floor, you know, there was, it was a penis and that pointed you towards where the brothels were. And so that's like, okay, that's a fact. We know that for a fact that it was, there were signs for where to go get sex. That's beautiful. It's mental that the police didn't figure that out, isn't it? There's all these knobs.

He was legal then. They didn't have the same laws. They're probably going now. Also, some very disappointed gay guys in Pompeii who were like, I'm going to go and suck some dick and then all of a sudden you're in a brothel. Yeah, I have a feeling this brothel had probably, I'm sure these brothels were not treated well. I'm sure there were also options of all genders and ages if we're being honest about Pompeii.

Yes. In case you just wanted some really old pussy? I was worried more than the other way around. Ah, I see. One of those more history is I went to Shakespeare's house last year and there's radiators in it. Do you know what I mean? This is in his house.

There's like a sign on the wall that says exit that way in a gift shop. I want to go somewhere and it looked like it looked. I don't want to walk into his house and there's a fucking QR code to kind of to like give them a review. Do you know what I mean?

That ruins it for me. You want total realism. Yeah, I want to go somewhere and go this is how it was six years ago. I'd hate for you to visit the Auschwitz Memorial. You got... Me too.

I mean, there's no one here. Come on, we're going to do this properly. Okay, then. So what infrastructure have you been? What to Auschwitz? Yeah. Yeah.

What infrastructure's there? Then that wasn't. Oh, I think. On the water slide? I hope no. The showers release water. Is that infrastructure? I imagine it's supposed like for the...

No, there's like, I mean, I mean, it's bleak, but there's like, there's the ovens. No, no, no. No, no, what I mean is there is that wasn't there then when you went as a tourist. Oh, yeah, I'm sure they added some updated lighting and... It just takes away from me. It really takes it away from me being immersed in the history, when we... It's a modern light bulb.

So you'd see me there and be like, what's this Jew doing walking around of his own accord? Not allowed. I totally ruins it for me. Oh, Jean-Marco's allowed to leave, is he? This is in what I paid for? It would be funny if they stop you and they said, where you going? You're not going?

It's like, yeah, why would you come to Auschwitz? Why would you come back? Can you help with the reenactment, please? Oh. Yeah, I want to go somewhere where it's,

I imagine the pyramids I've got that, except for like they've got stalls around them. I'm selling. I think there's like a protected area around the pyramids, but the town's a shit hole, isn't it? The thing? Yeah,

so I'd be able to amaze myself in that because like, wow, this existed. as it exists now, thousands of years ago. Yeah, but I mean, even if there was QR codes on the pyramid, like on each step as you go up to get to the top, to get the selfie at the top or whatever people do, I haven't been...

You want some people to die on the way in from a booby trap. Yeah? Yeah. But we're not preserving anything with the pyramid, are we? Do you mean? Like, like Auschwitz is not running anymore and good, right? Really? Really brave take.

Thanks for signing up. Good. Glad it's not, right? But like the pyramid is just a big triangle over there. And that's all it's ever been. Wow. It's an intelligent person. It's just a massive tomb.

They're all tombs, aren't they? They all had use and purpose. Yeah, but they're still there. I thought they've taken all the bodies out. No. Have they not? There was never any bodies in them, was there? Stonehenge.

Yeah. I think the pyramids had, you know, they're mummified. I think that's a common misconception. I don't think they've ever been there. No, I thought... I thought... No, body's ever actually been discovered in a pyramid.

Oh, well. But if I go to Stonehenge? That is incorrect, Adam. What? Yes, human bones and remains have been found inside Egyptian pyramids. Like Tutankar moon,

or like the fellas who built her? Sorry, what? I'm worried about these. Next, he's going to be like, you know, there were no Jews actually killed at the concentration. We're not that podcast. As much as something we want us to do.

He told me, Joe Rogan of the UK, I'm starting to find it out for sure. Okay, okay. Okay, I can see, I can see the major pyramids at Gies are including the great pyramid of Kufu contain empty stone sarcophagi and bare chambers were no original mummies. Loads of chambers.

But that's because they've been looted. Yeah. The gold and stuff. Yeah. There's no, like everyone thinks each pyramid's got like a fucking old Egyptian king who's like off to Kip. That's not. It would, but there would have been. No, there wasn't.

No. There would, but then they got looted. There was three and a half thousand years of history where looting has happened. But if you're looting, you're going to take a telly or a gold cup, I'm not going to take the dead fella. There's no tellies either. No, because the dead fella's got rings on him. Yeah, take the rings.

Oh, sure. Sorry, I'm just saying that. What are you going to do with the dead body? What are you saying about Stonehenge? What's the problem with Stonehenge? No, there's no problem? Oh, right. Like that is, when this was made, it looked like this.

I bet there's signs up there. Yeah, but I imagine it's probably. you know, you can go into it. So like when you go to the 9-11 memorial, which I have like, you have. And when you were like, where's the planes? Like you just... Well, they're there somewhere.

Like, there's, like, if you go, open. You say 9-11, he goes running. That's how it goes. When you go there, there's, um, there is like, like, remnants of, you know, what happened. So, yeah, yeah, yeah.

John Marco, when you come over to Europe, you've obviously been to Italy. and whatnot. Is there anything history geek wise that sort of interest you? Is there anything that piques your interest? I don't know, man. I get some bored. I don't really care. I like experiences. So I'd rather

like, like... You wish there was a water slide to Auschwitz? Oh, I think we nearly found out. The Auschwitz, it's so depressing. I like Boston. If I'm going to Boston, I'd rather do like the the, uh, the, the, uh, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the,

the Boston Tea Party experience. What the fuck is that? You don't know the Boston Tea Party? I understand what the Boston Tea Party is. Oh, he's just celebrating this fucking uprising, are we? Yeah, we are. Oh, disgusting. Yeah, you know what's so interesting about the Boston Tea Party is that when it happened,

which we, again, is part of like the Central American narrative of like we freed ourselves of this. But at the time, I guess George Washington called those people looters and rioters. So like it was viewed by the president, you know, just like these guys are crazy. You guys can't do this. Extremist essentially. Extremist. And now we look back on it and we're like,

that's when we became America. And it's just, it's just that's the stuff about history. Where whenever someone's called a luter and rioter now, I'm like, yeah, unless they succeed. And then we'll be known as like the cool event. And they were the heroes. Yes.

So you go, you can go down to the dock in Boston and you can throw tea into the, Yeah, some musical theater major who is struggling with a career has to put on an ill-fitting, smelly outfit. And yeah, they throw a box into, and that's what I want to do. I want to read about it. I want to do it. I hear what you're saying to a degree. I want to be immersed in it as much as I can't.

Yeah. At the 9-11 Memorial, I want to fly the plane. Or at least have like a simulator. Sure. Like to stop it. Well, they were doing that. Like, you can stop it? Yeah.

well they pull up pull up yeah I just I hate like but obviously we've got to because we've got to have infrastructure

we've got to have things for accessibility and stuff I understand it but it just takes away from me a little bit but hasn't Shakespeare's house and he was a fucking radiator on the wall

because he didn't have radiators yeah no you're like I definitely right Carl he didn't yeah yeah

right more radiators I imagine did you have fun because there's all those things do you want to visit where so-and-so writer wrote a book. No, but I was in

where he lived and it was like, that's the thing to do. And then you go in, they've all like small models of the people who live there again. That annoys me. I went to Elvis's house. I do that. Grace Land. That'd be cool. And it's like, I want to take a shit where he died. Oh, you should have to pay extra. That's the VIP

tour, isn't it? Yeah. But what I loved about it, there's, it's all these pictures of Elvis, so many pictures of Elvis. Not a single one after he got fat. Not a single one after he put on weight. And I was like, that was a huge part of his life. Yeah. And it's, you know, it's all just lies. Yeah, but it's like

Instagram, isn't it? You know, you just post old pictures. Oh, look how good they used to look. But you're in the house that he died. You're in the house that he died. And you know the toilets upstairs. You know the toilets upstairs. Is there anything else to do there? Is there like Dollywood where there's like rides and stuff? Or is it just the house?

It's no, it's just the house and here's, I think it was like when I was in his kitchen and I was like, well, this is where Fat Elvis was made. And there's not even a picture showing. There's a lot of pictures of him with his, you know, 14 year old girlfriend. Yeah. They're like, that's okay. That's fine. But not when he's overweight. Not when he's overweight. Is there a jungle room? Is he, did he have like a, like a party room called the jungle room? Shut. Is he called the jungle room? I'm misinformed about Elvis. He did. Yes. All right. Correct. Yeah. What was it?

It was his man cave. It was his tropical man cave. Oh, I do remember it, kind of. But, you know, it's just all cleaned up. I want to see the drugs. Yeah. I want the real thing. You don't buy it when you go there.

All these families there. I'm like, if it's real, they should, you know, kids should not be allowed unless they're dating Elvis. He was a rock star. Yeah, the, it was out of being mental. It wouldn't have been all clean with all the guitar stood up. Yeah. I've always found, like, a slight tangent,

but like all sorts of sightsy, and I've never really, like, I said to you before, I think I've been to New York eight times. I think it'd be nine when we go this week. I've never seen the Statue of Liberty. What's the point? What's the point?

What's the point? I'll just Google it. Because we've all seen it, surely. We've all seen it in everything. It's like, because you want to see it from a distance so you can see it all. What you're going to get closer? That's like if you see a painting from a disney, let me get this close.

Now you can't see it anymore. And also, it's green. I've watched the film where it comes alive, and walks into town. Which film was this? Ghostbusters 2. You saw, I think I've seen it. I've seen it walk.

I just get to start at Alan Ferry. It's free. You're there and back in an hour. But I'd rather spend that hour in the queue of Cat's Deli where I get a butty at the end of it. I'd rather have to sandwich. Yeah, I think it was cool going past it.

Like being able to see it close was, cool. You could see how big it was. I just, not asked. You were very underwhelmed by the Taj Mahal, weren't you? Yeah. Like the Taj Mahal was, like, it's just, there's churches by ours, basically.

What do you think you'd be most amazed by that you've not seen? Somewhere you go, I need to see this. We're all, China. I'd love to walk that. But again, I need to like get in it. But also, so I don't think you would because I think the Great Wall of China is so big that you can't see it all at once anyway. So you might as well just be on any wall.

Hmm. Do you know what I'm? It's so big. Like, the impressive thing about the Great Wall of China is how big it is. And you can't possibly see how big it is once you're on it. I think you should only be able to say I've walked the Great Wall of China if you've done the whole thing. Yeah.

How long is it? About 1,000. 13,171 miles. Yeah. It's, it's... Oh, shit. That's a thousand miles. I'm pretty sure it's sort of like...

It's hundreds of times from like L.A. to New York and back. Yeah. What? It's so big. You can see it from space? Hundreds of times. How many times the distance of New York to Los Angeles is the Great World of China? There's no way.

I'd say it's one. Four times. Oh, it's well more than one. No way. What was the question? I got how many times the distance. Of New York to Los Angeles. It's the Great Wall of China.

Let's have a look. It's thinking 5.3 times. 100. Wow. Well, I'd like to run it. I'd like to run it. So I get what you're saying. You might as well be in the mid wall of New York,

then the Great Wall. Wall China because it's the same thing. But like, you might still be on a fucking motorway. Like, it doesn't matter. It's that big. It just doesn't matter. It's five times. Like, you go to the,

you go to a really prominent bit of it and you walk down it. You get a sense of it. There's still something to be said for being on that bit of, just get some salt and pepper chicken and walk over the Brooklyn Bridge. You'll have a better time. I had no idea. It was that long. I really underestimated.

I just thought it was like, wow, that's a big wall. Yeah. But it's like the Grand Canyon. Would you go to the Grand Canyon? can't because that's one of those where people like, you gotta go. And I'm like, I don't know. I'm just going to go, wow.

For five minutes, I'd be like, that's cool. Five, and I'd be like, it's still there. The Grand Canyon, we went to Las Vegas a couple of years ago because there was a UFC event on, and one of, a lab we went to the same school, I was fighting on the card.

And he's a friend of ours, he's been on the couch. So we went out to watch his fight in Vegas. And I like a bit of a gamble. So we obviously did a little bit of casino and yeah but we googled the best things to do in Las Vegas

if you don't want to gamble and it was leave and go to the Grand Canyon that was like the biggest thing you could do that isn't like put money on yeah at a casino we actually didn't end up going because it we just didn't okay but what do you want to see of all these like things that like

you know you must see these before you die there must be one that you're going to go I actually want to see that I would like to go and see the pyramids I think but I really I was interested just to make sure there's no dead bodies there. Where are D? Like, I was interested in Egypt a lot as a kid,

so I think that is still lingering from that. And it's not that I don't want to see stuff, it's that I'm not asked if I don't. So I'm saying, what one are you asked about? I don't think there's anything. Like Machu Picchu, you wouldn't be asked. How like that is? No.

I'd be more interested in the tacos. I'd get on the way there or back. Peruvians. You can go to Katz's Deli next week? Yeah. Yeah. You're going to go and see cats? Like, I've got, like, me little place.

I've got me places. Oh, I love that Jean-Marco has to cry. I'm so sorry, sweetie. Unfortunately, Katz Jellicle Ball closed a couple weeks ago. All right. I've got me New York non-negotiables. I love finding new bits of New York. I feel like every time I go, I have a different time.

He walks a different bit of the Great World of China. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, like, I know it's like a touristy place now, but cats are sandwich. No, but it's still really good. They're intense. I once walked in the life. was too long so I went to leave and some guy grabbed my arm because you thought it was leaving without paying.

So they're aggressive there. Yeah. I didn't realize how important the ticket was. When you go in, they give you a ticket. You take that ticket to the counter and they write on your ticket what you've had and you pay on your way out. But I didn't really know how important the ticket was. So I just left it on me tray and threw me tray full stuff.

And I went to leave and I was like, yeah, and they give you a ticket. And I was like, oh, I threw that away. And they were like, right, well, now we have to figure out. And I was like, oh, I just had this sandwich and this. And they were like, no, no, no, we need to know what you've had. I was like, look, I am just one man. I obviously have just had one sandwich.

That sounds like a really stressful place to get a sandwich. It better be fucking good. It has a feeling where they're kind of talking to you tough. But then they give you a sample to let you know your value. You get a little bit of Benisket there, a bit of a bit of a sandwich. I think you'd hate it. Lovely. There is a lot of meat.

It's fucking. It's like $35 for the sandwich and it's worth it. Yeah. And you get shouted out on the way out. Yeah, but it feels authentic. Katzelli and Skinny Dennis for a beer and they do like a coffee cocktail that's just like in a slush machine. Skinny Dennis in New York. In Williamsburg.

I've never been there. I'll have to add it to my list. It's like a proper dive bar. Mm-hmm. But it's good. So is there no, not on here that you'd want to go and see? You want, because we've got in Liverpool? No, isn't in the UK?

No, I just don't give it. The royal stuff, I don't give a shit. about, you know. I do. I want to see, because I'm going to go, so my girlfriend's grandma lives in Kent, and I think Pocahontas is buried in Kent. So I would go to Pocahontas's grave.

I think you might be the only person there. It's better to go to, like, the Lake District is beautiful. Like that, as in go to an area, that's nicer rather than go to a thing. Yeah. Like, the things that we can flex. Also, go to it, yeah, it's cool. Go to the niche thing that you give a shit about.

That's great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because no one else is going to be at Pocahontas's grave, because they don't know it's there. How do you not know that there's like really big Disney kids? That might be the pilgrimage. That is. That we really fine to see some Disney kids learn the truth about Polkartis.

You've been to Disneyland Paris and you're like, well, we can't go there again. Guess what? Let's go to a grave in Kent. Are you going to wear your mouse ears for a grave? I think we've got to. We're Disney tits. What do you think?

Tits. What you think about the Dobby thing? You've seen the Dobby thing? The Dobby's grave. What's Dobby's? What? So there's a place,

I'm not sure what it is, where Dobby is buried in the film. It's a real place that Harry Potter fans gone on a pilgrimage to. It was meant to be a train line run through it. They've protested and they've changed the line to not go through Dobby's grave.

Is that right? It's on a beach in Pembrokeshire. Right. So the fictional elf who was never alive nor is dead has changed the plans of national mail. Yeah, kind of like other religion. You know, I mean, that's what it is.

It's like, yeah, the fictional and then enough people care that they're like, okay, fucking we'll move it. You know? Enough people care that they've had to do it. That's so stupid. It costs them so much money. I think it's got, it likes to be a religion in a few hundred years. I think so.

Potalism. For sure. Like, it's the first one since Star Wars that's got that sort of law that it could be so important to people that they make it. That's what's nice about Star Wars. All the memorials are in fucking space, so they don't need to worry about it. But one day when they go to Mars,

they'll be like, oh, that's where, you know, Luke lost his virginity. We can't. I can see you're not a Star Wars fun. I've seen a thing. No, I fucking hate Star Wars. I don't like Star.

When I was a kid, the stars, they gave me anxiety. So I never like Star Wars. I never liked it. Do you have a franchise or was... I was an anime manga guy. So I was like Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z.

I love old school. That's where I was. My dad banned me from watching it because I used to watch it and then beat me brother up. How, like, like, Kamehameha or you would just punch him.

Both. Both. I would try and do. Kamekameha. What was that? What was that? No one, Kamehameha. No one, right.

Yeah, it's into that. Oh, right. Cool. Oh, yeah. Come, Kameameha. Ah, so surprised me. Don. Shh.

Sh, come, come, kame, ha. Kamehame. Oh! Now I get Dragon Bull. It's just a way of being racist and everyone's sad with it. Wait, how is that racist? Oh, Kamehameha! Or do you want!

No, Kamehameha is, there was Hawaii, a Hawaiian king named King Kamehameha. And so it's not racist. Ah, well, So there you go. It's racist when I do it. I was in Hawaii, like Hawaii, it is one of these places where you can really lean and you can be like,

Aloha. And it's like, oh, I could see a different word. would they be like, hey, relax. You're leaning into that aloha. But because tourism is so important there, they're like, please, please. There's no cultural appropriation with delays. It's just aloha. But I also think it's rare for someone to think you're culturally appropriate and when you're

in it, in the thing. Like if you. Sure. I said the people like, you know, there was a thing at least in America would be like if you're wearing a kimono and you're white, that's cultural appropriation. I'm like, you know who hates that? people who make kimonos. Yeah, yeah.

They're seeing the white people stare longingly. And they're like, no, no, please. It's okay. It's okay. You have my permission. But if you're a white guy in Japan with a kimono on, they're like fucking look at him with a nice little hat on for us. Yeah, I went to India though and I did all my shows.

I bought a bunch of those long shirts in India. And people were making fun of me for him. Yeah, of course. Of course. But the jokes on you. Yeah. They're like, ah, look at this guy trying to get in old. Well, I bought like five of them.

and now I'm back in America, I can't wear that in America without making a statement. Yeah, totally. And I had, they're beautiful. I would love to wear them, but I'd have to talk about it to everyone the whole fucking night.

You know, you were talking then about the possibility of how are you possible coming of religion? I seen a thing the other day where someone made a legitimate argument that when people in the future, let's say a thousand years from now look back on this time,

they will think Santa Claus was genuinely one of our actual gods and he argued that Santa Claus is a modern day god because like it doesn't matter that they're children but millions of humans

believe he exists believe he's constantly watching powerful he's powerful and he can provide them with the gifts they wish for as long as they behave in a way that he sees is acceptable. Sure. And just because their children doesn't invalidate the fact that they are humans and in their millions they believe in them, that is real. But the difference between like us in the past, as we've proven here by probably being incorrect about so much history, is we've, now we have things on record.

if there's something that wipes out the way we've filmed, but there are 25 cameras in this room alone. So they'll be able to be like, they'll be able to know more of the details of it. I think if civilization collapses, everything burns, and aliens at some point see the remnants, maybe. Oh, yeah. But if we have more of a record.

No internet. There's no, we go into that post-apocalyptic, then 20 generations down the line of that, you could imagine, this thing called Santa Claus, if it's just passed down with word of mouth, and it does sound like a God, there's got to be a major breakdown in all technology. Thousands of songs about something that get played on regular radio. It is it. People go on a pilgrim to where he lives.

Yeah, no, but who he is and what he is and why he's there, he's very well documented. No, no, I'm saying. So for 20 generations down the line to completely misinterpret that, every bit of that documentation has to be deleted. But I think now it is. Like, he's not wrong, is he? No, he's, yeah, but he's not. If you go down the list of everything that needs to be, like, be a deity and he takes them all.

Yeah, but figuratively speaking, yes. No, the truth. No. Adults, you know the truth. Like Catholicism? The children, the children believe he's real until they don't. Until they don't. That's the same with Jesus.

Christ? I can do out of Jesus? We had a, we had a, a teacher when I was in eighth grade who did an assembly, like, an assembly and at some point the teacher was like and you know we all know Santa Claus isn't real and blah blah blah and all these parents called because they hadn't told their kid yet which is humiliating by that age that and they found out at assembly from this teacher that's a major faux par for a primary school age teacher how old grade eighth i mean they were there's just a eighth grade like in your teens yeah yeah this is like 12 12 yeah yeah i don't know

I've always thought if I had a kid, would I ever want to play the game of it's real? Because my dad did that with me. My dad, like, he even once, maybe he was an uncle, but someone dressed up like Santa Claus and came to the house. So I thought I had met him, which they should do that with Jesus too. It probably would convince a lot of people. It's one of the most fun things about being a parent is building up the lie that, But I don't, but then there's the betrayal moment. It's such, it's, there is a sweet spot and my five-year-old son is in it.

My daughter worked out maybe two years ago that it wasn't real. And how did your daughter find, how did, how did she realize? She just, she, I don't know if it's just, she worked it out or someone has told her at school, likely both, but she came in and we talked about it at the time. She came in and said, is this real? She came in and, and her tooth had fallen out. and she was about to come and do the, I want to put the tooth under the pillow for the fairy.

She came in and she went, I know the tooth fairy is not real. I know it's what you do. You put the money there. And we were like, oh, yeah, yeah, that's one of the things we did. Do you think she can ever trust you again? And she went, and I know Santa's not real either. Oh my gosh.

And we were like, do. Was it hard? Did you feel sad? Oh, Lord, my wife welled up because it's, she's an emotional woman. She's a very, she, Because it's the end, it's the end of a bit of that part, that, that youth, that, that innocence is sort of,

that little bit's just gone. And then she went, but don't worry, I'll keep up the magic for Jack, her little brother. And we went, oh, that's, that's amazing, darling. If you could, that'd be brilliant, just to keep the magic alive for him. And she went, I will, I will do that. And then she went, I'm still going to want the money for the tooth. And it was great, because, but you don't want your child getting to her. What age is that, 12, 13?

Santa's real. That's not good. But it's so nice to do the little bit of magic when they're innocent enough. And then it will tip over into concern. I would want my future kid to be the second kid in his year at school to find out. You don't want to be the first one who ruins it for everyone. But as soon as someone else knows, you know, so you're not the fucking loser who is still like, I'm fucking real.

I'm going to be brutal with my kid. My kids' first words are Santa Claus is not real. That's going to be, that's, I'm drilling him from the beginning. I'm saying, I'm never going to lie to you, son. I'm never fucking lying to you. You can trust me. I love it. As an atheist, there's something about that that appeals to me.

Just literally having a hardline chat with you three years. If his tooth falls out and be like, well, tough shit. I'm going to die. We're all in the ground. Make what you can of it. I wonder if I could have dealt with that earlier. I wouldn't have had all the existential crises when I was, you know, a certain age.

I think it might put you in some major therapy later in life. No, I think you'd be used to it. You'd be like, you'd be like, oh yeah, I knew about this. I dealt with it. I dealt with it. I'd extend up Christ when I was three

and I'm a functional adult. My kid's tooth falls out and be like, Beth, you're getting nothing for that. Throw it in the trash. No one's paying for that shit. It's a tooth. It's a sign of death coming along the way. And by the way, there is no heaven.

Go to sleep. Brilliant. Love it. Have a little break? Feels like it. Yeah. Josh is fuming because that was a clip, apparently. Yeah.

We've just been podcasted off pod. You'll never get to hear it ever. And it was class. We're doing the best bit of today's episode. Unlucky listeners. They'll never know about Little Person Hamilton. That fits with the starting song. Little person Hamilton.

Even I know that one. Just little person Hamilton. Honestly, think George Washington was four. I thought something. I thought he was tiny. Big man. Big man. Big man. Big man, no teeth. I do think Hamilton, like, like, I'm reading, I'm reading a book. It's called Lies, my teacher told me.

And it's just, you know, it's just talking about the founding fathers, just, just some of the more grisly details. And there are moments where you go like, yeah, none of these people should be portrayed so warmly. Like, I remember Hamilton, when it was on,

it was still on Broadway, but Mike Pence, went to see it. And do you remember this? So Mike Pence went to see Hamilton and no one on Broadway is, is, you know, supportive of the Trump administration. So as he left, like one of the actors, like, during Bowles, like said, Mr. Pence, we know that you're here. We just want to say something. And, you know, it's like, we hope you are like nice to people. Like just some toothless fucking Broadway bullshit. When what should have done is middle of the show been like, fuck you. And instead, it was like, will you please be nice to gay people?

And I'm like, his fucking beliefs are that he, that, that, that gay people shouldn't be exist. Yeah. Trump, like, famously, they reported that in a meeting he joked about Mike Pence. He's like, he'd hang them all if he could. And meanwhile, on Broadway, you're going to be like, hey, can you please, now that you've gotten to see the whole show, it makes me so mad because it's that moment where like, not only are you expressing the American myth and like a Marvel style superhero.

everyone's kind of fun. But then you have a moment of real political action and it's also toothless. Toothless. Be nice, please. Anyway, we're getting off. Hope you enjoyed the show. A ticket you definitely didn't pay for.

Be nice. We're going to do some other words. Oh, damn. I press the wrong jingle. Sorry. Right, we're going to do some other words. Katz says, can you please have a word with anyone, hosting shy AI videos on social media.

It's ruining Insta Reels and TikTok. Like, what is the point of watching stupid fake videos that are pretty obviously bollocks? And then also, have a word with the Muppets who DM you the video thinking it's real. What reaction do you want, mate? It's stupid fake crap. A horse didn't actually violently shit itself

all over two women in horse-drawn carts in Central Park. Morons. I'll tell you what you do. Because I've been thinking of it. Because whenever there's an AI, like there's all these ones of like babies and kids.

Like cute baby kid videos. And they're obviously fake. All you have to do is write the person who sent it to you and go, just so you know, this is being used to make child porn. Like that is what this is going to be used for. If you say it like that, though, that does sound like you're going to be.

Just to keep sending me these videos. I'm letting you know what's going to happen. I've seen this kid before. video. No, I think it's just like, like what, I just think whenever you see that technology, I go, I, I, I think men, more average, we understand how porn, porn drives technology. They talk about this all the time. That's why porn is like, drives technology. What? That's why phones got small. And then when the internet went on phones, they made them big again. So you could watch porn. Yeah. Yeah. So whenever there's this AI stuff, I'm just like, that's

ultimately what it will be used for. And then it'll be used for the worst. And then it'll be used for the worst intention. So when people just like like those AI videos, I think that's, we culturally have to understand like what generative AI will be used for in a way that will turn people off from like wanting to see it for little cutesy things. Yeah, we've had this argument for a while, me and Carl, because like generative AI, I see where it's going. And I think it's, especially for creators, which is what we are. Like we got, we've got. We've got a sort of fight against the fact that stuff can just be created in a second by something else. Yeah.

And not us. I just don't think people care enough. I don't think they... My stance has also loosened a lot because it has the last six months. Like these videos are just, it's just fucking boring, isn't it? Yeah, it's pathetic. I just think it should be diminished by the algorithm.

I don't know why meta haven't gone. This is so... Because they're in their AI, you know? And the amount of moms and dads who go, wow, this is funny. isn't it? But it's not even just the mums and dads anymore. It's get like there's videos where we've shown each other stuff and one person's gone you don't know that's AI. And that sucks. It's embarrassing. But also where you start watching things and you go, is this AI? I really think it's just going to eventually make the internet not fun because you won't believe any of it. I go on Twitter all the time and

there's like tweets that feel like too articulate or too detailed. I'm like, I don't think this is a real person even. And at some point, it's not going to be exciting to you'll be like, I think, I I think it's all fake. I don't trust any of it. And you'll have to go see things live. I think that's where it will go. I've seen that theory, which is this could be the thing

that actually frees us all. Because the only thing, we're addicted to our phones because it's interesting, because it's more interesting than the real world because me and you having a conversation has got its limitations,

but I can just swipe past anything I'm bored of on my phone and find the next thing that I'm interested in. Once it's all bullocks, once nothing is interesting there, we'll have to put them down and go,

back to the pub and talk to our friends again. And that is the only glimmer of hope with it. The internet will basically eat itself, which is fucking amazing. Dead internet theory. For most of us, I think if you're like 60 year older, you're just going to get lost in that world

and you will become detached from reality and become unbearable to deal with. So that's, you know, shit for them. It's making me look at things that are real and judge them for being, like I see content creators create things and I go,

is that real? Because it looks so much like AI because AI is getting so good. It makes me kind of poo-poo. And also apparently it's taken massive strides, hasn't it, recently? AI. Like, the snowball is moving faster. The technology's advancing so quickly now

that what we think looks realistic now in two, three years, it will be so hard to work out. It's the way that people don't even know that this conversation right now is AI. Put your hands up. Put your hands up. Do you know what the bromance of all is? The Will Smith eating spaghetti.

Yeah. But if my hands are proof Oh yeah, that's the thing, isn't it that no one does on the Zoom calls when they're fake? Oh, what? So people will have fake Zoom calls with people trying to sell them pyramid schemes and the person will put your hand up to your face. Yeah, that's right. I will never do it.

Really? No, it's fake. This is real right here. Yeah. All six fingers. What was I saying then? Oh, yeah, Will Smith. So about three years ago when Jen's VA came in, it was Will Smith eating spaghetti.

Yeah. It was the stupidest thing you've ever seen. Like, it was so. It just couldn't do it. It was awful. And now you wouldn't be able to tell it from real life. Like, you literally wouldn't be able to tell it from real life.

And that's three years. And there's so much more money going into it and so much more time. And we're teaching it more. And I am changing me stance a little bit on AI. I'm using AI for things that can help me. But like, the creative side of it is getting a bit.

There's songs in the American charts that are AI that people are listening to, not even realizing it's AI and it's just, that's just going to... I just think the way to combat it is like, showing the experience of people making it. Like, I think it's so easy with stand-up,

because it's like, well, part of the experience is like, you get to see the chaos of a heckler, you get to see someone live, you get to see them in those different environments. So when it comes to music, it's like, you might have to just embrace, you know, showing some of that live concert stuff and showing some of the making of,

and just make it a more 360 experience. Because that's what makes you attach to something. I don't think it's fun, you know, no one's going to enjoy celebrity, gossip that's all fake people. It's like Tom Cruz doing his own stunts in a movie. It's like it could be a stunt

man and you wouldn't know. But the excitement is you see the behind the scenes and you're like it's so cool to know that Tom Cruz as rich and good looking and successfully is that he's still a little bit suicidal. Like that's the thrill of that's why why did they keep talking about it?

He doesn't need to do them but it's kind of like cool to know that. Makes it real. Yeah. And the moment you are doubting. It's like, well, that's not fun anymore. It's, it's also the same with like, like we're hip-hop. If a rapper doesn't write his own lyrics, like having a ghost writer has been a massive problem.

Yeah. The entire history of that genre, isn't it? It's like, you didn't write that, so it's not really coming from you. And you can feel it. Yeah.

I mean, with AI, you know, all these AI actors, like, will there be a sexually predatory AI producer? To get Me Too? Like, will there be an AI me too?

You know, you don't have truth to it. You don't have consequences and cultural impact. I don't think it'll sustain itself. Did you see the always sunny thing when they made the poster? What? Oh, yes, where they said the poster for the new season of a toy signing of Philadelphia was AI. No, no, so people thought it was AI. And they had to prove that it wasn't.

They had to show the making of the poster because it looks like AI because AI looks really, like it's ridiculous. It's cool that that's being called out, though, isn't it? Everyone's like this is disgusting. went, well, now it, here's the... How annoying would it be, though, if you made something and people were like, you used AI? And then you had to be like, well, fuck. You have to show your process.

Yeah. Did you see that clip that went viral from the fringe? There was a comic who wrote a parody song, which I brought up. Oh, the Afro-M-M-M-Wod. But it was, I was gonna see your show, but you used AI. All right.

I was gonna bring all my friends, but you used AI. That was his song. And he was going around the fringe. filming very short, like three second burst in front of posters being like, I'm not going to see this because this post is AI. And loads of the comments on it are from the comics who's posters he's used going, I fucking didn't, man. Like, I know. Oh, that's so.

And you know what my first thought when you said that, I was like, he made that song using AI. You know, you become fucking paranoid. Yeah. That's really, if someone did, I'd kill him. That's so upsetting. Yeah. I did see some posters. I was like, this is clearly AI.

Yeah. And there's a few on it that like a death, definitely are. You can just tell. But there's a few where it's like, it's just a really well made poster that one. And there's people comment and go, mate, I'm the designer of the, it's not even the comic. It's I'm the designer and I didn't. I saw one and it was like, it was Gandhi and Hitler doing stand up. That was the flyer.

And you know it's AI because there's also a lack of taste in what the flyer is too. That's part of it. There is a degree where like, people leaning on AI also are bad brains. And so you can see, like, even the thing they're making with the AI, it's just like not funny. Or it's so, I think it's one of those things just like, you know, like with AI, I don't watch AI porn, but there's ads for it before all the time. And like, what are the AI porn things?

It's like gigantic tits and gigantic. It's like people, when you have no parameters, it automatically becomes the most extreme version of things in a way that's not appealing. It's not fun anymore. But it is to other bad brains. I guess. I like to see who's jerking off to all to say eye porn. Yeah, we should look into that.

If I see an AI poster, my first thing is trying to find the mistake. You know what was funny? That's all I do. Someone showed me a Burke Kreischer, he posted a friend that he knew was missing, a missing person's thing. and the flyer about this person who was missing, all the comments instead of about, oh, I found him, or here's a clue,

was like, this poster was made with AI. And it's like, not more AI slop. And it's like, that's brutal. But you're not reading it? I'm looking at it's a go, that does look like his face, that word's weird, that's spelled wrong,

his hand looks weird there, and then whatever's on it. In that instance, there's a family that is missing a loved one. Yeah. I'm going to post a video. I found him. It's AI.

I was going to find your friend, but you used their eye. I was going to look for him, but you used that. Have you ever been happier that you are part of an art form that is just you stood up with the microphone talking? There's a simplicity that feels like it can't be threatened by this bubble. I feel greater. You know, there's a part where like obviously of TV and movie and film, if it gets fucked up, I do feel bad. I feel bad for the artists in the art form. but then you think about like how movies are this you know huge collection of money movies are

capitalism you know just at its peak of so much money movies starts getting paid 20 million dollars and i go i go you know what's beautiful about live entertainment is like it's limited by physics you can only you can only i mean i think about before we had microphones and it was like you could only perform for the amount of people that can hear you yeah and like it's just nature's limits and there's something beautiful and I feel optimistic about like, thank God I'm in an art form that you know...

If you take it in a way, we can still do it. Yeah, but performance wise, yeah, but creation wise, no, surely. As in people would be writing people. Surely people can just write stand-up used AI. There's all of the comics using AI to... Sure, but you still gotta say, you gotta musically express it with your mouth.

It's like when a singer, when you really find out they're not lip-syncing, it might not be perfect or whatever you're like, but you're like, ooh, I get to see it. So even if you have an AI, even if you have them write your own jokes, you still got to memorize, you've got to say it out of your mouth.

I'm not saying that's ideal. And they'll be found out. Like, just that, as Adam was saying about the hip-hop artists who have ghost writers, once, I mean, there are certain things that stick to you

as a stand-up like, oh, you're a joke thief, or you've got writers. They stick to the big comics. If you, if it can be proved that you've used AI to write a show, you are never getting rid of that

from your reputation. Yeah. That is a, for sure. That's a stinker to have on you. You know what, baby? Once it's all fake written, then I'll be like,

crowdwork will be the only authentic stand-up there is anymore. People stop talking shit about crowd-work. I'll be like, hey, I didn't use AI for this shit. I'll tell you that. There's a crowdwork clip of yours that I was talking about before

where it went like super viral, which was the guy that found out his dad wasn't his dad. Yeah, God, what a great, what a great moment. Did you get any follow-up on that? No, I don't think. think so. It's so rare. It's so rare here resolution. Can we just, can we get the story on this so

that if you've not seen the clear? I mean, it happened a long time ago. Yeah. So there was a guy in the crowd. I can't remember why you were talking to me. He was like, I've just found out. Because I ran out of material. Because he's an artist. The Wi-Fi wasn't connecting so chat. He was like, I've just done one of these ancestry tests and found out that my dad's not my dad. but I've not told my dad and I've just kind of I'm bearing the load of this information like I don't know what to do

do I tell him do I do I do I do whatever because he's he's found that out so his mom's having a fair at some point yeah and not told anyone and he's got a work out members of my audience fucking raise your game do you know what I mean people after shows will come be like oh I wish you would talk to me

I have this and then they tell me the coolest fucking story I've ever heard and I'm like god damn it just raise your hand next time. Please. It was crazy. His mum might not necessarily have had an affair.

She could, maybe his dad's like a cook, like the ultimate cook, like... Gordon Ramsey. Get my wife pregnant. Yeah, maybe that might know. Yeah. That probably does know.

He's not... Like, I imagine you can tell when you look at your child. I don't know, guys. I've just watched a clip. Write it. I don't know. My son looks nothing like me. if your daughter is a clone that says you though one day you'll see me

you'll see me doing crowd work and be like is that my son mega viral one more Anonymous can you have a word with my misses every time we do a date night she invites at least one other couple

always her mates and their partners this has been going on for a while like to the point I can't remember the last time we had a date night where it was just us is this normal because it's honestly starting to get to me it would be nice to go out with my bird, just the two of us, once in a while.

Can I ask really quick? Because I just love, I just try to pick up all the vocab. So would you say Mrs. casually, just my Mrs. That's what you say? Girlfriend. Necessarily married. But you can't say Mrs. to mean girlfriend or wife.

Literally. You could have been seen each other a month. You probably, yeah, it's a proper relationship. But Mrs. is just a partner. And then Bird is affectionate. It's the same. Okay, cool. Yeah, but I think once you're married, it's less common, isn't it?

I never heard Dan say, I've got to get home to my fucking bird. I only say it to you because it's so part of our way we speak. It's almost ironic, isn't it? Yeah, but I'm talking to someone else. I'd say me wife. I wouldn't say me. Bird is not your wife. Definitely not your wife.

It's like my girlfriend, like, it's me bird. I like that. But Mrs. is both. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because people say, you know, right now, we don't have enough words in America. And so people go to partner. And when someone says partner, immediately I can't help, but I want to be like, gay?

Gay? Or not? Because it's not. It's not always. Whenever someone says partner, and listen, I do it too, because I think, you know, my girlfriend, girlfriend feels very juvenile.

Yep. And as my girlfriend keeps reminding me after five and a half years, that girlfriend is just a, and I'm like, maybe I'll try. Well, I used partner

when we've been together too long to use girlfriend and weren't married just. Because I couldn't say girlfriend because we've been together for 12 years. But when I say partner, what do you think? What do you think people think?

Well, when... The misters. I don't know if my playing goes there. Because I used to say... I use partner with someone if I don't know whether they're gay or not. So, like, if I might go, have you got a partner? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Rather than going, have you got a girlfriend?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you got a partner? Sure of, yeah. Yeah. I ask is your bird a man or a woman. So that works as well. Also, the resolution to this is, you need to start organiser than date night. Sounds like there's a...

No, it sounds like even if he does, she's like... I'm going to get Billy and Jean to come. Billy Jean. It's not my lover. You go, I'm organising date night. We are doing it. If she invites someone then go, no. I just, I don't want to discourage people from writing into the podcast.

I just think it is so much easy. If you're in a relationship where you can't bring this up, this is such an, like, an easy conversation to have if you've got any semblance of a normal, good relationship. If you haven't got any of that semblance, keep writing in. But I mean, like you should, like, I want them. If you are in a relationship where you can't go, hey, babe, do you reckon we could go out next week and it's just me and you? Because I feel like we have respect. I bet if you're in that kind of relationship, you'd constantly be inviting other couples out on your date night.

And that kind of answers the question in and of itself. It can be fun. Like sometimes sometimes you'd like, sometimes it's like, Mike Overnize, sometimes we spend so much time together. It's like, oh, as a unit, you want to interact with another. I prefer that. But if you feel insecure about it, you know, bring it out. I love a double or triple or quadruple date nights

and you're with a group of friends and it's great. You also get to see a different version of your partner. You get to see who they are in a group and with friends and stuff as well. And I really enjoy it. But I also think if you want, you can still have the double date nights be the majority. They can be, you know, six dates out of seven.

The seventh date, just go, hey, shami and you go and do something. I always feel we are better in a double date. date. I was feeling like, as you say, you're dating us. This is who we are as a couple. You bring up the best to each other. And then you go home and I always feel a bit better when I've been on a double day. Because I'm like, oh, we were great tonight. You were fucking... I love a double date if I get to see them fight. You get to see them argue. Oh, yeah, yeah. You want that. You want the invite. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, because you go,

oh, God, they're, they're, they're so much worse a couple than those, I'm like, but... Oh, yeah. Double dates are better than regular dates. What position was this that you were just doing? My wife's quite a big. woman. Not overweight. I'm not speaking about her physique. She's tall. She's tall. John Markham. She's tall. Scandinavian stock. So this was her legs?

I got to get underneath her back and pull her down. She fights her and she's like, no, no. Come here. But she does want it. Oh, oh yeah, it's consensual in the sense that if she wanted to just... She's consensual. She says

no, no, no. Oh no. That's part the fun of it. When she's sick, six foot two and a half. You know, if she wanted to end it, she'd end it. So that's how it was playing. Your honor. If she wanted to end it, she did. And like, no, no. And then, you know, and then their ribs broke. But that's me. People said don't marry Scandinavia. And I went, I like myself a viking lady. Do you know who the Rizler is, John Marco? Quite a lot of sugar in this. Are you where who the Rizler is? I, of course I know the Rizzer is. That's a picture of my wife.

That's fair. A lot of people said, don't marry Scandinavia that looks like a fat Kim Jong But I was like, you don't know what, even fat. He's the future presidents, isn't he? I just worry about him because I feel like

if he ever wants to lose weight, if he ever wants to lose that double chin, they won't let him. Yeah, he's lost his sale. Yeah. So worry about him. And also he's a child star

who wasn't going to fucking clue what's going on. He seems that nice, though. No, he seems like a lovely kid, but like he's too young to be that famous. Luckily, I don't think. think he'll be remembered.

What? Whoa. What are you talking about? You leave the Rizler alone? Give it 20 years. That Costco family are gone. He's still a star man. Give it 20 years.

What? You'll just be like a film star. Be President Rizel then. President Rizel. Can't do any fucking worse than this lump. How is he viewed in the States? Is he like a, we love this guy? Yeah.

I think it's because he's a little kid, so we haven't had to heard like his position on Israel yet. So I think like it's easy to like kids who never, like, challenged on those questions. This is why men don't talk to the friends, I'm telling you. I'm on top with this. Men don't talk, you know, like, when men don't talk to the friends because they might eventually espouse an opinion

that you'd have to deal with. So just don't ask them anything. Don't ask them, anything. He's not on to say? Don't ask them, is there? Anything. I don't want to know what he thinks. I don't want to know what anyone thinks.

It's just, are you funny and sound? That'll do. It's, I was trying to read the can to see if his stance on Israel was written on it. which is mainly about He just did this He'd be like, it's complicated. It'd be like,

ah, that's the Rizzler. John Marco, sensational as ever. We love having you on. Where can we find you online? Online everywhere at John Marcus Sarasi. I got a crowdbord.

Special just came out on YouTube, but I'm going to be in Liverpool. 14th of October. 14th of October. And all over the UK for October. I'm doing a tour, doing the Palladium in London. where I saw Evita last year, very excited for that.

Beautiful. And Folkston and Liverpool and... The big three. The big three. How was Foxton made it onto this list? You got it. Because my girlfriend's grandma in Kent. And she can't travel.

She's nine years old. So we got to get it close to her. That's fair. And close to Pocahontas. And then a bunch of other UK cities. It's all on sale now, though. Big UK tour. My girlfriend is spirit of citizenship.

I'm exploring. case I ever need to come here more long term. So please check it out. And that is a pod, ladies and gents. Last few film, come tickets. Go and get them. Yeah. They're in the bio.

And my final Finley K gig, which is definitely not AI. 21st of November, Jackaranda Baltic. All the links for all the tickets are in the bio. So if you want to go and watch any of us, sad times, isn't it? Little Xander Hamilton.

Oh, have a good time at the show, guys. Can't wait to hear all about it. Bye Felicia.