Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #398 with Not For Radio - Have A Word w/Adam, Dan & Carl

Episode Date: September 12, 2026

Tickets, merch and loads more available on our website! https://haveawordpod.comTickets for Have A Word Live shows as well as Adam and Dan's tours and previews:Adam's Tickets: https://www.adamrowe.co.ukDan's Tickets: https://dannightingale.comCarl's Stream || https://twitch.tv/senseicarl_Finnlay K FINAL GIG TICKETS || https://www.skiddle.com/whats-on/Liverpool/Jacaranda-Baltic/Finnlay-K-Farewell-Show/42670455/Film Club Live 9th September || https://plazacinema.org.uk/PlazaCinemaLiverpool.dll/Booking?Booking=TSelectItems.waSelectItemsPrompt.TcsWebMenuItem_0.TcsWebTab_0.TcsPerformance_24652102.TcsSection_1791Finnlay K - Whole Again: https://FinnlayK.lnk.to/WHOLEAGAINLIVEAs Adam and Dan said, don't miss out on all of our extra content, we've got one of the best value Patreons in the game. An extra 90+ minute episode every week plus loads of bonus content such as the now infamous Lockdown Lock-ins, the Nashville & Amsterdam specials and our Ghost Hunts! What are you waiting for? Sign up now at https://patreon.com/haveawordpod​Get subscribed to Have A Word Highlights: https://youtube.com/haveawordhighlightsThanks to this week's sponsors:Hello Fresh | https://www.hellofresh.co.uk/50HAWPODClick the link to enjoy an exclusive offer of 50% off your first box, along with a 20% discount for the next 4 boxes plus free treats (including fruit bundles) for 2 months. Alternatively, you can use our code 50HAWPOD. This special offer is available for new customers as well as those who cancelled their subscription twelve months ago or more.NordVPN | https://nordvpn.com/haveawordEXCLUSIVE NordVPN Deal ➼ https://nordvpn.com/haveaword Try it risk-free now with a 30-day money-back guaranteeLovehoney | https://lovehoney.co/word_podcastLove how you love and take 20% off sitewide to unlock sexual happiness and discover a happier you with promo code: AFF-WORD20Saily | https://saily.com/haveawordDownload SAILY in your app store and use our code HAVEAWORD at checkout to get an exclusive 15% off your first purchase or go to https://saily.com/haveaword 🌍HexClad | https://hexclad.co.uk/word10Upgrade your kitchen. Up to 40% off site wide!ADAM ROWE and DAN NIGHTINGALE are two award winning comedians from Liverpool & Preston, respectively. They are two of the UK's most highly regarded stand-ups and have both performed all over the world. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Wagwaglids, you're listening to the funniest podcast in the game. From the heart of Liverpool with Adam, Dan, Sensei Carl and Finn. This is the one and only. Have a word. This episode is brought to you by NordVPN. The very best in protecting your online activity. Go, Ed. Get on me. And we have no Adam Row.

what we do have is Robbie Mulholland, mate. Don't worry, I've set up an Instagram for my dog in preparation. Oh, I've got one as well, but I don't run it. Do you actually have an Instagram for your dog? Is it where they don't run it? No, it's not because someone did it.

No, no, no, no. Julia, I mean, it's not very often, but Julia runs it. Right. I think having it at arm's reach makes it slightly better. You've got a little bit of plausible deniability, but still think it's pathetic.

People are right? Still, it's absolutely pathetic. Having an Instagram for your pet. Do you follow any sports? People love it. Some people love it, but it's so good. People love... Have a word.

Have a word with Adam speaking in a fucking... As the dog. Because I don't follow any famous people on social media. Yeah, some of the people follow them. What's different? I stopped following all the famous bomb ladies. I stopped that. I knocked off all the bomb ladies on Instagram.

I do it within, you know, gym fitness. I'm like, there's loads of really good hints and tips that I'm getting. Yeah, my loophole is tattoos. It's like, no, I just think she's got a lovely body suit. Yeah, I guess. Yes, I do, but I don't follow like, you know, like the rock or like Lorraine Kelly or Mr. Beast or anything like that. The three famous people. Harry, you, I feel like you have your follows at like everyone.

You've got a good, good sprint. I follow a lot of poker players. All right, that's not what I meant at all. A lot of poker players. I follow, but that's just to see what hands they've had recently. Right. Oh, he's got a jack. Did you see that kid?

The younger lad is poker feet? is, it's insane, you've seen it? No. This young American lad and he's playing against this Swedish guy, I think. And this Swedish guy is, they're charismatic and he's trying to use that to be like, he's like, I've just got Jacks. Like, you know, he's basically like playing the game.

And this is this kid's poker face. So he's taking it to the end. Not, nothing. No, no. He looks at his hand, then he goes, for half an hour and then goes, and they'll make us move. They're all like that, though.

They're all a bit. This is to the end. Yeah. There is nothing to read from this man. Nothing. It's not like he's a really vibrant character, loads of facial expressions in real life. I imagine he's pretty dry.

No, when he wins. Oh, okay. He's like in a car. He's this kid fucking booting off. But his poker face is, like he's playing the game of let's not blink for half and a while. Yeah, but that's where an autistic business is a trade as well. They're all like,

it's just this. And this guy's going, yeah, he's trying to read him. He's like, I don't know what it's. It's quite good that if you've got like tells, if you know that your facial expressions, to give shit away, just go completely dead behind the eyes. And he wins. The kid wins.

Yeah. But they're all like, back in the day, it used to be like, there was like Doyle Brunson, who was like a cowboy fella. There was Tony G. You was like this. Doyle Brunson, that's who Roe is in his head. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Big Doug Dimmerdome hat or whatever. Like, and then David Mitchell's misses. Yeah. Victoria Caron. She can have her own now. And now it's all autistic people. And they all go by the name that their online poker is.

Right. in the name. Plus. It's gone to the dogs, man. What's the, are they still doing like a million pound, a million dollar win?

Oh, it's so much bigger. Is it? Like millions. Like millions and tens of millions. Because also like, in like Macau, they'll pay for all of the big poker plays to come over.

It's all like, allegedly it's all money laundering as well. I was in a hotel in Malta when they were having one of the world championship games. Like, you know, one of the big, like, whatever the big fucking poker league is.

Oh, they was like, the big Euros. Yeah, yeah, the big Euros. Yeah, the big Euros. they're all like the big poker players there. And like, it was autism heavy. The dining room was not a lot of eye contact was being made. You know, like, is anyone doing full Rain Man?

Like, an actual homage to... Can you rain man poker? I think you can't rain man poker a bit, yeah. Like, you can't card count, but you could work out all the percentages, like, really well. Well, everyone should be doing that anyway, shouldn't they? Sure, but I bet there's some people who it just happens. Their brain just goes, 73%, you know? Like, they'll have dead autistic people.

Say if you're playing for hours with a set of people, like people who are like savants will remember all of the hands that they've played or they've put people on. Yeah, and how they played them all. Like there's no way you will have played bad hand later on and then that's how all the autistic people win. Yeah.

Well done autism. I've never played poker. I've never, you know, a lad's gone, actually have a poker night and it just doesn't appeal to me at all. I'm all right,

I'm all right. Yeah, one of my good mates when I was at school was a professional poker player, so that's poker nights work. At school? They weren't much fun. Yeah, when he was like 16,

he won a tournament and won like a couple hundred grand. Right. So he was all. organized. So you're basically just training fodder. Yeah, basically, every week I'd go around his house and give him 20 quits. You're a cone?

Yeah, I totally was. Was he a gim? No, he was a good lad. Yeah, shout out of Jamie, yeah. That was just his thing. It was just their thing. He was just they're good at it and like, you know, yeah. I don't want to teach myself because I just feel like... You're too much for the crackhead. Don't get into gambling, man.

There is that slippery slope. It's a bit like when I started eating meat in my 20s. Wow. And people were like, cool, if you've started eating chicken and you've, I think I tried red meat when I was like, 28, someone was like, so you should try Donner meat? And I was like, no, I'm all right. I'm not going to teach myself to eat that. I'm vegetarian and I think this is gay. Did you teach yourself food Donomese? I just was like, if we are, if I can select what we're doing here, because this is a weird thing to start eating meat in your 20s. Yeah. Why am I, I can control the, it's crap meat.

in it? Yeah, yeah. It's definitely not good. I know people go, oh, it's so good. Yeah, yeah. So I've just never tried it. You shouldn't show your body

or yourself anything, really? Because if you, if you, like, shouldn't you go, I will do this now lots of times forever. And then you put it in your little bookshelf. And then sometimes you go, I can't do that one anymore. But everything else, you're like, I do this forever now. No, it lasts maybe, at max, like a year and a half, but it's so obsessive.

The Tiramisu thing genuinely was a year of. It was so insane. It was so insane. It was honest. It was every day. Like, it was doing it when we were living near each other. I'd drive him to gigs fairly often. And I'd just pick him up from his house. And he would get in with a case of Diet Coke and a family-sized Tiramisu.

And he'd eat it on the way to the gigs. It was one of the most insane things. At least he's not being a crackhead, I guess. Were you making it? I'm making him a knife. No. No, I don't make anything, mate. But Sainsbury's are selling a fucking served six person.

Absolute top tier tiramisu. Like a working class dream of a tiramisu for three quid. How does that mean you feel now with your body? Looking back. All right. Yeah, I mean, yeah. There's a, Laura sent me a picture. You know, because she's got every picture that's ever been taken of all our kids

has had to back everything up. I have not got that. So she, if she's going back to find a picture, like we've just done first day of school this morning, and she can go back. can find every first day of school. But she went past a picture of me that she took and I got my legs crossed.

I'm just in some shorts to I do not look like a well man. And Tiramisu's nice. But we can put the picture in here. I'll send it to you. It's not a good visual. That was the top of a little bitch at this point. Oh, I've known Dan, too old.

Full on crackheads. So that wasn't great for the health into the tiramisu phase. Yeah. Yeah. And now we're just moving all that, like Freddy's on it. It's like, it's addiction.

You're like, yeah, but this is one of the better addictions I've been doing. Yeah, you've done the right thing, though. You've put your addiction into something that makes you better. Yeah, I know. And the old peptides, you know. Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's found a way to be a bad head about gay. You find the way to make a narcotic version of what you're doing.

You go, I'm doing it. Yeah, I'm doing. We'll take it. Jack, my pet. It's great having a peptide guru, by the way. Yeah. Having done this via, like, online websites, now I've got a guy who's like, hmm, I know everything and I have everything.

It's such a fun game. I feel like I could get into being a peptide guru. I don't think there's any fucking qualifications for that. I was like, yeah, bang that up your ass, you'd be sound. Is that not drug dealer? Yeah, yeah. It's soft drug dealer, isn't it? He sells drugs when he shouldn't be.

What do you mean? He sells you substances that the government would not allow him to if they found out. I don't think so. I don't think they're controlled. Oh, really? Yeah, they're for research purposes. Oh, yeah. I'm going to research how swole I could get.

That's the caveat. Yeah. It's not like... It's like methadrone. It was plant food. It's not steroids. That's basically... Steroid adjacent, though, isn't it?

It's in the fucking ballpark. Is he paying tax on the money he made? Yeah, absolutely, yeah. I'm not trying to grasp on by the way. I mean, we're not giving his surname out. Let's say that. No. Fucking HMRC over here.

The fuck we're doing. Yeah, because yesterday he had to do me taxes. Yeah, yeah. Yes, they became taxed. They had nowhere. And it broke... Joe and you go, tax day is in January. I will be sad for...

for a week in January, and then you're okay with her. Yesterday, me and then I got to say, accountant, she messaged me and she was like, do you're doing your accounts today because I'm gone on a maternity leave and I was like, not, really. But I ended up doing it.

But once you've done them, that's all done, in it. I think that's going to be the first thing I trust to AI, because I don't give a shit. Like, I don't use AI fucking anything, but my accounts, like, I'll do that. You've got an accountant?

What? You've got an accountant? Nah, I should do that. You fucking joking? Oh, Rob, it's so good. Yeah, all right, I'll say, fine. I don't make that much money. You make enough money that it's worth it.

But also they'll go, hey, this is an expense. I'm very slapdash about my accounts. It's fine, though. Maybe I'm one. You've started on Adam Seton. You've talked over perfectly? One year I guessed my accounts.

I probably shouldn't say that on a podcast. No, it's all jokes, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, it's all a big joke. But I was sat in a MacDonald's drive-thru at 1155 on the deadline day for the tax. I went, oh, shit. So I was putting a number that felt right. That seems about right.

He's somewhere in that ballpark. And you know what? He could have ended up paying more tax. Oh, no. Oh, no. It felt right that I'd earned 12,500 pounds that year. I think a lot of comedians have earned about that. I've been earning that for many, many years.

So with the Donamy, I was like, I don't want to teach myself doing that. With the gambling, I'm all right. I see everyone putting bets on and hackers and all of this just to watch the footy. I just feel like it's all a slippery slope into being a knobbed. It's the most addictive shit I've ever fucked with. I've been addicted to a bunch of things in my time. No, it isn't. You've been addicted to fucking Vicks, haven't you?

The Vicks, no, it was the pseudafed nasal spray. That was the thing that was hardest to kick, but the thing that got me quickest was gambling. So the pseudo fed I couldn't give up for years because it fucked my nose up. But the gambling, I went to the casino once with Tom Stade after a gig because he's like, we can carry on drinking. What a dangerous introduction, that is.

I was full of cocaine, I was hammered, and I was with Tom Stade. I was quite giddy. We're peeing off! Morgan's tonight, Robbie. Yeah, and both cocaine and Tom fill me with self-confidence. You know, because he's in a mirror going, you're a tiger, Rob, you're a lion. And I'm like, yeah.

So I was just like on the roulette, like, ah. And I woke up in the morning, and I'd made like 500 quid, and I was like, I'm great at gambling. And I was immediately a gambling addict. Because I had 500 quid plus one chip in my pocket. So I was walking back to my car, I walked past the casino, and I went in and stuck the chip I had on red and won that as well. I was like, I can't lose it, this.

It's in the post. The combination of cocaine and casinos was a dangerous one. And yeah, I was only a gambling at it for like six months to a year, but I was fucking intense for that time. Were you down? What? I think you were down in that period? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Like, I used to, like, there was a point where I was like, right, I know when I get drunk, I go to casino, so I'll leave my rent money in cash at home, so I can't spend it while I'm out. And I got a taxi back to my house, picked up that cash and went casino. You know, it's like adding behavior. That's absolute classic adage behavior. Yeah, it's funny.

Going against the things that you put in to not let you do something. Oh, yeah, because I put that there, so I can take it away. Yeah, sober me was like, here's a plan to stop that. And then I got drunk and went, fuck that guy. He can work it out. Well, is it Trudy? Tom stayed's missus. Trudy.

Trudy! Trudy! She basically, like an old working class 1960s, like factory worker had to go home with his wage packet on a Friday before he went to the pub to give the money to his wife. Like he started doing, like, she was like, you have to give me the money

from the gigs because you can't be like, I've made some winnings from comedy! Japanese hogswives do we? So Japanese businessmen give their wives their salary and they then get a, like a wage off their wife.

You get like an allowance off your misses. Otherwise they just go and gamble it and drink. Pathetic that Japanese, stop being bitches. But Tom stayed's cool though. They all sleep on the trains for all the Japanese, don't they're on the floor.

They're all like, that's like the sign of like a, I don't sleep on the train. They sleep outside the train station. Oh, the hard working businessmen? No. Oh,

I thought that was like a thing. No. If it was so hard work and that you just like fall asleep. It's not the work that's made them tired. I don't think, mate. I think it's the drinking all night.

What happens is usually get to Friday and your boss will go out drinking and say, say Dan's your boss. Say Dan's our boss. And then I go, I'm going to go for a drink

and I go, I'm busy and you go, yeah, I'll go, oh, fuck, you might give him an opportunity that I'm not going to get now because you're together. So I go, yeah, I'll go. And then you all stay out on like drinking to impress the boss.

And then you wake up in the morning. Like, you can't go home because you've pissed your wife off. So you'll just sleep outside the train station. Go to the convenience store, buy new clothes and then go home. And that is such a common occurrence. Legends. I think there's a name for that actual thing of going for a drink with your boss. Because I've seen photos of like Japanese men asleep on like suitcases.

Yeah. And that's like... You think if you know this is coming out. It's not hard work, they're just piss heads. Yeah, yeah. I thought he was like, I'm just leaving away. Well, it is. I took a little camp bed in the backpack, you know.

Like, should have planned ahead, lads. Little, Rob? A little, a little, long. You're the biggest person I know. So I'm not, um, just talking about the not boozing thing, because you have been booze free for 10 years. Like seven years now, yeah, yeah, yeah. A while.

Yeah. So my brother-in-law has quit boozing, done really well, Daniel. It's been to meetings. It's proper. He's done. And he's done great. I can't be asked listening to other people moaning. No, but I think he...

Stop drinking your fan or get over it. Right, yeah. Well, that didn't work. They can't tell stories is the problem. Like, I'm really good at telling stories. It annoys me the structure of their moaning. If you want to go to an AA, you want to, you want to, you want to, like, world-class speakers. This is it.

Like, all my mates are really good public speakers. If I'm in the pub, they're all telling stories and it's brilliant. And I'm like, you've given away the end of that. As soon as Kitson gets in AA. Yeah, I'm there, mate. Give me some structure, mate. I want a call back at the end of your moan. So he hasn't been...

like, message him when we were in Tanzania, just was thinking about him. As we were on that hike up to the waterfall, I was like, I need to just check in with Dan Keo and be like, do you want to do a little weekend away or something?

Because at the time I wasn't booze and I was like, I can now go and do a weekend and look forward to it without the drinking. And obviously that's important for him. So we're going away. The second weekend of January,

we're going to Stockholm for the weekend. And we're going to go and book in on the Saturday and Sunday. we're going to do wild cold plunge like river ice cold plunge. That's a good non-boosy weekend. I've never seen Stockholm. Like the idea of it.

Also, gets a look at a loads of fit Swedes. Yeah, it's a cold place. Let's go when it's the cold as possible. Yeah, I want to see some nips. Yeah.

Well, you're going to see mine disappear in a river in Sweden. What's really ironic there is that walk to the waterfall we did maybe two minutes off. They went, fuck this is going to rain and went the pool. Oh, no. I mean the other one.

We were chasing waterfalls. We were chasing waterfalls. Which you should never do. And then we've also got a little trip away that's going to become an annual thing, isn't it? The comedian's trip away. Cannot believe how...

It was lovely, wasn't it? Sensible that was. So sedating, nice. A weekend away abroad in Albaferre. It just had horrific piss up written all over it. Jamie Hutchison, Kai Humphreys, Elliot Steele. I thought it was very lovely.

I mean, one night I did do, the most amount of cocaine I've ever done in Earth half an hour period. I promise you I also wasn't there for that. No, Dan had tapped out. We trust you now, Dan. No, no, Dan was very, very good, actually. Like, as soon as that became in the ether,

Dan was like, I'm out, have a nice time, boys. But, like, you know, can you tell the story of the beach? I could tell the story of the beach. I didn't, I don't want to tell it because it wasn't my story to tell. But you know, on a trip, especially with this one, we've got, Binty wasn't drinking. I don't think Lewis is a big drinker.

Not particularly. You've got Jamie who was boozing but was clearly a bit roared. But he's also, he's under instruction for his misses now, so he's not on the packet. So, you know, he wasn't going wild. So there was like different tiers of what kind of weekend you're having. And I don't drink,

but occasionally I will come out of retirement and have drugs because, like, you know, I had a drinking problem, but drugs have only ever been good to me. So it's a different experience. Maradonnaer at a testimonial. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Everyone was being dead sweet because on the Saturday,

they got a number of a, proper guy rather than like Gunchali, you know the guys on it. Yeah, yeah. You know a proper guy. And I was like, so just a heads up if I'm pissed, I don't want it to be offered to me. It was so funny. Dan was like, don't give it as

like, yeah, we wouldn't. Like, of course we're not going to. Like, you know, we've all seen what a fucking baghead you are. We don't want to knock you off that. So half time. He's a baghead. Yeah, I was. Bagged in the city means like smack. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He wasn't a baghead in waiting.

If he did smack once, he's a baghead. you know you'd feel oh that's a lovely spoon you'd then we'd all fucking talk about the tiramisu in different tones at least it was just that better be chocolate on your fucking spoon easy crackhead but at least that was from Sainsbury's so I think it was the England Panama it was a bit dry so I ducked out

whereas I dropped a pill on the Sunday morning on the Sunday morning it was the most mental like hey have you heard what happened last night it went off the rails a bit, didn't it?

Yeah, so we had a really, like, lovely, like, nice evening. It was just, me, Kai and Elliot, who, like, got on it. Everyone else was,

you know. You say just. Yeah, yeah, it's a heavy squad. Yeah. It's a, everyone's, uh,

packing a punch in that trio, you know? It's like, not a light work, but there's only three of us, you know. So we went for, like,

we went to watch the Portugal game that was on after the England game and just had a lovely time in this bar, propping up the bar, a little bit pilled up, just like, Oh, good lads, you know, just nice chats. They got to 3am and everywhere closed at Albaferra

because it's full of scum and they've got to send them home. And you seem perky still. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're still quite awake, but we're like, hey, let's go back to the hotel room and maybe do some lines and then we'll wind it in. We got back there, and it turned out

we were not quite ready for sleep. We're all just like in this hotel room, just like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And we're like, right, we're going back out, we're going back out. We'll go see if there's any little bar open anywhere, whatever. We go back into Alvaferra, and no, there is not. Nothing's up. open because it is just for like 19 year olds getting smashed and then us this is the old town as

well like it's not even new town's a bit lively but that is for children yeah yeah yeah so we wanted down to the main bit and like there's nothing around we're like fuck right let's just go sit on the beach we'll have a chat and we'll chill out down there right we get down on the beach and we sit on a little sun lounger and about two minutes after we sit down we're just like there's a big noise and commotion we turn round and there is a group of like 15 lads in balaclavers like running after one lad and they're like chasing across the beach we're like fucking hell and Kai just goes oh don't worry last they're just

playing right and then at that point they tripped the guy they were chasing and kicked him in the head like real hard real hard kicking the head I was like I don't think they're playing me I know you're from the north-east they get a little rough round there's just a little love tap it's just a bit of a game lad

so that's all going off right we're like fucking hell we're watching this and they start weaving through the sun lounges this light gets back up and he's running through they're chasing with through there, they're pouring through, and like, Elliot's just shouting, get him, because he's like him fired up, because there's a fight happening, and he fucking loves it. So he's just shouting, get him at these lads.

One of these, like, young lads in the Balaclava comes over to us, pulls down his, like, snood or whatever they had over his face, and went, in, like, because I'm wearing an England top, so he knows to speak English. He just goes, don't worry, you're not in danger, you're fine, and then goes back on, and we're like, whore. That's nice. And then he goes, why are we not in danger? He was, like, affronted that they didn't see us as a threat of me, because he goes.

I had to explain like, no, you're unk now. We're just the old guys on the beach. Elliot was the youngest in the group by a stretch and was really struggling with the idea that he was getting grouped him with us as like... Yeah, all the dads. We're basically dads on tour.

Yeah, completely, yeah. And Albaferra has that, like it has loads of... There's a family place as well, but there's loads of just like kids' holiday drinking. But there's also the 40-year-old boys golfing trip. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think we just look like those cunts.

We look like those cuts. And Elliot couldn't, in his head, looked like the 19-year-old. He was a yute, he was a yute. I whip my balacava out right now, because. Yeah, he was kind of annoyed. He wasn't threatened. But anyway, they, like, run on.

He's still shouting encouragement as they go. And they scutl off into the night and we're like, fucking out, this is mad. So we were settling, we're having a little chat. Another couple of minutes pass. And then the friendliest German man I've ever met Wonders up. He just goes, hello. Hello, do you?

Would any of you like a cigarette? He just whips out a pack of fags and he's waving it around. That's a lovely offer. I don't smoke, Kelly's like, I'll have one, Braff, yeah,

like, I love taking the piss out of Elliot's voice. Yes, Brath. Yes, Brath. What is? Yes, braff.

My dad's on radio four in it, brav. Mets. Chicken jerk. So, like, this German lad sits down with us

and he's having a fag and he's just lovely. He's in a very good mood. He's had a lovely night, clearly. We're having a lovely little chat. And, like, Aser,

he's having a little chat to us. He sort of wanders off down the beach a bit and his other mate arrives, right? his mate is fucked. He's like this late 20's mussely,

airy-airn looking shirtless German and he's just like Hulk mode fucked. He's like and he's like, hello boy! He's like, all right mate. He goes, ha-ha! And he just goes and he sits down on the back of Elliot's sun lounger. He wraps

his arms around Elliot from behind, puts his head on his shoulder and then just bites him on the shoulder, just clamps down, goes hang full-on massive chomp in elliott's shoulder Elliot obviously freaks out right he stands up and goes the fuck you doing brav he goes the most have wondered the fuck you do morrow you mad brav right as he stands up

because this guy's sat on the back of the sun lounger it tips over and tops like topples him over onto his back and he's just turtling he's got his legs kicking in the air this german guy Elliot like pulls his leg back to kick him in the edge And like Elliot is handy as well Oh yeah he's probably He does he does MMA and like I've seen him do like leg kicks on people at gigs for a laugh

They're fucking potent So what did gentle giant 6'4 7 Rob Mulholland on drugs stand up and shout I was hoping we could skirt past that bit of the story I was just going to try to take a little detour around that bit down But thank you I am such a pussy I was so high

I was having such a lovely time I was all piled up and everyone was just having a lovely chat and I was like, I was like, heal the world! It was like United Colors of Benetton with these Germans

but this all kicks off I'm startled Elliot pulls his leg back to kick him and I just went de-escalate that's my instinctive reaction I love the idea of the biggest man on the beach

going de-escalate I don't like oh my God there wasn't the coolest thing could have said, but it did work, the de-escalation did happen, I think, because everyone's like, the fuck did he just say? Yeah. But like, basically, Elliot had it, like, handled.

He got a bit of rage. This guy gets up and he's, like, holding him away and he's going, the fuck you doing, brother. You're mad, brother. What are you doing? This guy, like, this German guy goes to try and hug Elliot to apologize. It's like, fuck off, man. Once bitten. Right.

Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, it's like, keeping him, right. But, like, obviously, you know, he's like, no, fuck off, man. And this German goes, like, oh, I'm sorry, it was, um, how you say, hummer. It was humet. Joke. Ah.

Right. Like, not a great joke, I'd say. Like, it's a big swing with a stranger. Munch line.

Yeah, yeah. Just go straight munch line. It's good. Good. So, there's this weird tension. We're like, Kai shouts down to the friendly German,

like, come get you a boy, basically. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He comes back up the beach. But this like... Oh, no,

he's done it again. Oh, it's not bite again. Gunter, you're so nibbley. So he comes back to, but this guy's not leaving. He's still just like wandering around. He's trying to make up for it.

You know, when you've been a dick when you're fucked up, and he's trying to make it better, but it just makes it worse, and should just leave. He's in that mode. But then he just, like, turns to us through, and he just goes, have your boys got cocaine? And kind of goes, no, we've finished ours.

Have you? And he goes, yes, and produces from his trousers just a fucking golf ball of Coke. And... Heal the world. The peace that broke out immediately. Immediately. Elliot's like, well, you know, it was just a joke, wouldn't it, bro?

I'm going to cease, I'm going to cease tensions in it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, let's have a demilitarized zone between me and this bag. So they sit down on the sun loungers together, and he's like, can I have a bit of that? It's an apology. And he's like, yeah, sure. And gives him this big bit of, like, it was a big bit of weird pasta that he was using a spoon. Cool guy.

It was pretty cool. But it was very deep. So, like, it was surprisingly deep. So you were getting more than you bargained for. So I like had a bit of that, like a big old bit, like, you know, a punishment bit. And he's like, uh, can I have a bit of that? It's like, yeah, sure. So I have a big old bit as much as I can.

Can I have a bit of that? Guy's a big old bit. And then, uh, it's like, could I even have a bit? It's an apology. And basically, we stopped asking after a minute and we just tick-tackered this guy's bag away from him for like 25 minutes. Yeah, he's turned into a German Tasmanian devil. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Doesn't need any more.

You've had enough coke, but this was clearly... His restitutions. This was all him and all his mates' coke for the week. Oh, Lord. This was definitely the full supply. Gunter, you've nibbled of it. It's a cocaine. And, yeah, he didn't... Just like, Elliot and Kai, you know,

they're expensive people to make this mistake with, I'd say. And, like, you know, I'm back out of retirement. I'm not... I've no idea of my limits, so fuck it, let's go. And we just, silently between us had this understanding that that bag was getting emptied. Yeah, fucking... Like, what a lovely way, I think, of peacefully teaching this guy a lesson. So, I can't believe that within an hour you'd gone back to the hotel and the night was done.

Because I would be, I'd still be awake now. Well, like, it was, it was a sketchy vibe, right? So, like, as this is happening, a guy comes over with a boomboxist to start dancing while we're trying to heal this. It's all going off. We finished this guy's bag, basically. There's, like, fucking crumbs left, and we're like, thanks for that, that's great. No worries about the biting. And then we get ourselves off, like, it's only been, we've only been on this beach half hour.

like 40 minutes max we've been on this beach. We're like going like, we're now twice as awake as when we arrived. It's not the soul of it. I was walking up this beach, this other English guy. He sees my England shirt. And he goes, oh, English boys. How long have you been on this beach? We're like, oh, I've been in about half hour.

And he goes, do you see all those guys with the balaclavas in that? And we were like, yeah, what the fuck was that about? And then he goes, did you see their machetes? And we go, oh. No. Home time. No. And he's like, yeah, they all had machetes.

We were like, fuck. And then Elliot goes, I told him, get him. Oh. So Elliot just shouted, get him at an attempted murder. He might be dead. Toddled our way off the beach having just the best time. Like, what an amazing thing to happen in half an hour of night. I think I have a fair has changed, though.

Yeah, yeah. From when I was there 10 years ago with my family, just seems like there's a different. Admittedly, I wasn't on the beach with them at 4 a.m. Yeah, this was the mistake. After an England and Portugal game at 4 a.m. on the beach. And it's like, there are like a thing where if you Google Albaferra Beach, it's like, don't go after sunset. It's a bit dodgy.

Oh, right. Okay. Did Elliot get any German powers? Yeah, well, listen. I was hoping it was going to be like a German zombie. Just over the next few days, grab up that little mustache. Dead organized. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's really hyper-efficient. Doesn't miss the penalty since he came out. It was amazing. So for the rest of the week, he was known as Zvi-Dry. what is it twice shy yeah yeah twice shy

and German I'm taking suggestions on where we should go next year we've got bar gas in Bulgaria as an option I want to go

where British under 30s don't think about as a trip North Korea no one's thinking about that that's genuinely in my bucket list

I'm not allowed to go yeah I'm like I've said Sarah is very pro South Korea right just will not have it we said to you

but we would love to North Korea and Seneca went, you can do anything. She said, but I do not want you to go to North Korea. Right. Because she knows, I know I wouldn't do this because I know how fucking serious North Korea it is. But she knows I've got the ability

to just call someone a knob at and get hot or warm beard. Where else is on the dream list, even if it's just sort of extreme tourism, have you got, like, North Korea is a genuine... I'd love to go. I love like North Korean artwork and shit. I'd fucking love to go there just because it's like mad.

Never been in Japan. That's obviously a massive bucket list. You would... You are too big. Like they think Godzilla's gone. Legitimately, there's some places you can't go. Oh, 100%. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I wouldn't fit in loads of it. I'm like that in Amsterdam, but I don't fit in any of it. You know, like, I'm not at most places, man. But, like, Japan, it would be extreme. I think it would be dead funny. You would genuinely have to Google a head whether you fit in the towns.

And I'm not messing there. There's some places where you're like, you can't come in here. Like some of the restaurants, you can't go. Amazing. A hundred percent. You can't go. Godzilla costume in...

So people. So people. Well, Will Huchby really wants to go to Iraq and do a patron special. I'd love to go like, I'd love to go out there. Is sure? Yeah. Really? Yeah.

Yeah. I want to go to Siberia. You know Iraq? You know Iraq? You know Iraq from the war? Yeah. I bet yeah. All the people are fucking amazing.

Do you remember Germany from the war? Everywhere's had wars. You know, Mike O'K is on YouTube? Who? His name's Mike O'K. Is he the one who just goes everywhere? He does dark tortoise. And he goes like Sudan and shit.

But he'll go to these places and be like, God. And the people are fucking. I saw the guy that they went to a botter bat, a botter bad is it? Where bin Laden was found. Right. The time bin Laden was found.

A botterbad? It was a bottle bad, doesn't it? Botti bad. My body was bad in MacDonald. I think we're making up sound. I think a couple of weeks in Afghanistan your body would be bad. Is it a bottle bad?

Is it a bottle bad? But he went there because he's like, you can go to where bin Laden's compound. That's sick. I would go like to go around bin Laden's cave. But he said, and the video, all the people who live there

are just genuinely fucking lovely. could like, oh, please come. Are you a bottom baddians? Yeah. Yeah, like, please come. Like, yeah, the bad guy lives there, but like, we are just not all people, but like the Iran society.

We never liked him. We never liked him. It was a terrible neighbor. The hospitality is amazing. Like, you know, I'd love to go. Yeah, imagine not going to Manchester or not going to hide because Shipman was there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But like, why would you want to go to hide?

I've never been. I know, but. They've got great medical. Yeah, I don't recommend it that much. Yeah, dark, like, I'm into it. Like, I'd love to go to Siberia. said I won't go with me. I just want to see what it's like.

Yeah, I'm the same as you. Like, I'd like to go just have a fucking look. Like, why, this is meant to... I was trying to convince Freddy's got to Mauritania. Like, but then they started Googling it. There's loads of warnings

that you're not meant to go. Yeah, but if you look into it, the government warnings go to go to loads of places, get over it. There's one for England. Yeah, there's a bit of ISIS. Fucking out grow up.

Who's shirt sponsor has visit Rwanda on that? Oh, awesome. There's someone else as well. There's someone who's got to... Is that good money being well spent by the Rwandan. Yeah, but because you're thinking of the fucking

When everyone died The genocide, yeah I still don't think Rwanda's fully fixed I don't think it's like 100% good But it gets fixed by people going Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah The genocide's finished That was a bad thing

It was a bad thing I'm genocides But now they're like I really like Between genocides Really? 50 years It seems like a long time

I just think with genocide You leave it 50 years Let the dust settle Once you've calmed down They're all gone There's loads of guerrillas there now Yeah I assume there's grills there but

Are we talking like gorillas or gorillas. Probably both. Both. Gorillas with machine guns. Mountain gorillas. Right. That's cool. How is it down? I bet there's loads of sick stuff to see in Rwanda,

but it does just feel a little suss it being on the Premier League team's shirt. I wonder if any... They've ever sold... Because someone was watching an Arsenal game who had before that previously no inclination to ever visit Central Africa. Yeah.

I was like, you know, as I'm watching, Martinelli, you know, break away and make that run. I'm thinking, I think we should visit Rwanda. It's just brand awareness, isn't it? Yeah, it does work. Because, like, it's the only bit of advertising that really gets me. If someone's sponsored leads, I'm like,

oh, fuck yeah, Burfleck scaffolding, they're my boys. You know, it does work on me, like, if they sponsor, and also, if they sponsor man, you, I hate him. Like, I'll never buy an Audi. Like, look at, you know, that's not been a thing been troubled by up to this point anyway. But, you know, like, or a crisis. So, like, historically, Chevroletes, Sharp TV.

Yeah, not having any of that. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Scum then. What is it? Snapdragon. Snapdagon is scum. I'm not having a processor of my phone.

But you used to drink a lot of Strongbo. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. My piece here was a Hewlett Packard. To be fair, when I drank whiskey, white and Mackay was my whiskey. Oh, my. It really was. I used to drink a lot of White of Mackay. Any dark taunas and me would want to do?

Any? Do you Chernobyl? I don't. The best thing about being involved in this podcast is I don't need to make any of these decisions because I will get bullied into them. In the next five years. So let's see what the lunatics involved in this podcast will come up with. And I'll probably have to go.

Did you ever have kids? We had kids from Chernobyl that came to our primary school for like a week. No, we had some of the... But they have like extra legs on that? But were they came over and we got... We asked why are these like Ukrainian kids over? And they were like, oh, because they need to get away from the radiation. It adds.

So six weeks away from the radiation adds something like three years to their life. Just move away permanently. They can't do. Where too? There's too many of them. What? There's too many of them. I think Belarus had a thing just after it where they were like, they would send kids over to other parts of the world to be like go and have a break from the radiation because

it allowed time onto your life. A little radiation break. That's nice, isn't it? It's lovely that. Just go and buzz somewhere else for a bit. Oh, three weeks off glowing. My testicles, they vibrate. But there's a lovely holiday in how you say, hide. Do you know how I know that? Because I'm

currently in the big. lane of watching old episodes of airline on YouTube. Oh yeah. Because it's just one of the best TV shows ever made. Do you ever have an airline? The David Williams. No, no, no, no, that's come fly with him. Oh, right.

That is the part of the office. Is it Jane something or whatever? Jane B., it begins with a B. She's the easy jet, like... She's the goat. Yeah. You know her face, like Jane Burrows is it, I think maybe? She's listening, you're the goat.

If Jane Boroughs is listening. Is it Jane Burroughs? Jane Bolton. Bolton. That's the one. Yeah. It's such a good TV show But like El Nah

And an English couple Got three Belarusian kids In the suitcase It was glowing Anything does glare Whom, wom, mum, mum They were over to avoid the radiation Yeah

I like the Aussie one Like border control In the Australian show Because every episode It's just the Chinese man With a suitcase For a fruit Yeah

I'm not allowed fruit I'm not allowed big mowing Elliot Steele Mum. What are you saying? We've talked about this before. Twisting my Maren, man. What you mean?

It's still that bit of a tiger farm, isn't it? It's just fruits and ragooms. Don't they make t-shirts? What, Chinese people? Fuck you. I put the full stop on that joke. They've always got like fucking octopuses.

the suitcase? Yeah, yeah, like, what do you mean? Yeah, I had a panic when I arrived in Oz when I went out there a couple of years ago. I found in my pocket a bit of weed that happens to be all the fucking time. I was like, ah, shit, because I've just been in Thailand on the way there, it's legal. So I'd found a little bit in my bag. I was like, ah, fuck. It's not a big deal having a bit of weed in most places.

Oh, they're well more bothered about like a pomegranate. Yeah, yeah, totally. But I was really relieved because when I landed, I was in the customs here, and I'm like, ah, shit, it might be a little bit of a problem. I'm sure it won't get me kicked out of the country, but it'll still be a pain in the ass. it's still going to be a whole fucking thing. But then there was a Chinese family with fruit in the suitcase in front of me

and I just got ushered through and I was like, fucking yes. Thank you for that jurian. Joe and I see the sign I always feel like I've got, I always go, have I got a suitcase full of vegetables? Do you know, when you think you've accidentally

have I packed? Yeah. Just a bag of veg, and you're like, well, because it's something I do. You took a fucking spirit level to Tennessee. That was, what were your worried it wasn't straight?

He's just there on his bed. You're so autistic. It's so autistic tool. It's the most autistic tool you could have as well. Of all the tools. You have a hammer, it's less weird than I'm in a spirit level. I brought it into the studio because we had a pool table that was wonky. Right.

So I brought the spirit level in and just didn't take it out of the back. But I wasn't like, I want to check the plane is flying straight. It really sounds like you're there with beer mats on a table. Do you know when you just do stuff on a, like, as soon as you whip that out in the queue, you're like, I'll never hear. the end of this. Would you go storm chasing rub? Yeah, yeah, that sounds cool.

Yeah, I'd be into that. Yeah. Like, I think, I think after the sea, tornadoes scare me the most thing in the world. I'm more scared of radiation than I am, storms. Because radiance is a bit more of a laugh, though, in it. Yeah. Radiation's just like a-radiation gets you slowly and doesn't see it happening. Yeah, but yeah, but you've got to go to the place where the radiation is.

Yeah, yeah. You know, storm can get you. Yeah. I can tell Harry wants to say, Oklahoma in somewhere. I saw a few tornadoes. Well, that's the plan. planners for Madda to season three to go to Oklahoma and hopefully chase some storms. Yeah.

The sky went green and it was like crazy. I've seen this guy go purple. And I got shout to that for, because they were like, every side, like to the basketball thing and I stayed out with the camera. Yeah. And I caught in there and they went, where's Alex who was this Austrian lad that I lived with? And I was like, oh, I don't know. I didn't check.

And he slept through the tornado, but the tornado was coming for it. And I got shouted by some French girl. She was like, is your roommate? Yeah. He's your tornado buddy. He put one time, Alex put a load of ramen noodles down the, like in American sinks, they have like the garbage thing. Yeah.

I'll just put this down there instead. So he mints them up into powder and then put water down it. And it's, you know like how you sometimes get those TikToks where like there's a hole in the one, they fill it with noodles. With super glue. He did that with all pipes. That's so funny. And a man had to come, he was like, he took it out and there was just noodles.

And it was like, who put noodles? And he was like, I've got no one. like, but we also live, I think he was, as a result of this, you were like, he deserves to

die in a tornado. Yeah, because we also live with a Taiwanese lads, and I think he was trying to pass the blame onto him.

Right. He's like, listen, who's going to have noodles? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me know

when there's a brat verse down it, am I right? He wouldn't have wasted noodles, were they? What, Taiwanese, lads?

Well, so one of their rules never waste a noodle. Probably. Yeah. Probably. Probably. I assume.

It's probably a proverb there's, never waste noodle. Ancient Taiwanese proverb say, never waste noodle. He moved, I think him and the Austrian

that didn't get on and he moved out after the first semester and I went to go see him at the back end of the second semester was like, how are you doing? And he was like,

I'll make you some food and he made me a cold like scotch pancake with just a slice of American cheese on it. A Taiwanese guy made you that. Yeah, and I just had to eat it in front of him.

I was like, well, this is good. That's really funny. He's looked at you. I know what this guy Like, cold cheese paper. I'm made some white guy food. It was the worst.

Like, you know, I'm up for trying new things. Oh, you know. No, you really just fucking not. I'm over trying non-meat things. Non-meat things I love, but that was like, that can't be Taiwanese cuisine. You can't say, I'll try new things and it's a scotch pancake with cheese on.

It's not, you're not expanding your horizons. You're just eating, like, you're homeless. Well, I just think he couldn't get to the shops. I don't think it was, like, culture. I think there was, like, the shops were ages away. If I only had a Scotch pancake and a cheese slice, I wouldn't offer to cook. I wouldn't put them together.

Yeah, no. Those are two separate things for me, yeah. Although, you know, maybe it's like a briosh bun. Yeah, I put a little bit. Speaking of which, I'd quite like a almond cheese quasson. Do you have a little break? Yeah. Nice.

Welcome back to section two. We are going to do some. Yeah, baby. You'd be well into this. You can't go, that's kind of? No, I'm just dancing. I'm just getting involved. Pinesse.

From the dog. Lysictor. The con lair. The con lair. Tom Jones. Right, okay, low-level conspiracies. Right, right, right, right. I'm in.

We started this. Maybe three months ago, four months ago. Adam does not enjoy it when it's not low-level. And some of these are colossal. Massive! Massive! Massive! Massive!

It's like low-level conspiracy. The Jews are on the media. No! Yeah, that's big. You're not going to be disappointed, Rob. Low, like, barely low. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and I get the concept. If you've got a low-level conspiracy,

send them in to have a word pod at gmail.com. Or join the Patreon, and then DM us on Patreon, and then DM us on Patreon. And Harry will read it and go, that's massive. Tom Jones. I'm really looking forward to our lock in with Sandro. It's going to be... Oh, shit.

Well, exclusive. Oh, is that? Does no one know? No? They do now. There's a loco. There's a lock in mind. And it's going to be, what's a big?

What's a word for big? It starts with them, massive. Massive. Yeah, do the quiz with it. We should do that. Right. So, Ryan D. says, low-level conspiracy. Right.

Both flush buttons on all toilets do exactly the same thing. Fact. What do you mean? It's a fact. Like, that's absolutely insane because one of them goes way less time than the other. Like, it's really obvious. It does. Yes, it does.

They both plus poos. If you do a pooed, you press the big button, do we, press a small button? Yeah, that's what you're meant to do, yeah, yeah. You liar. That's what you men to do. Because the water comes out when you press the little button. Less water comes out. Who cares?

I don't care, but they do do do different things. They spend a different amount of water. I enjoyed that, do-do. I pressed both buttons at the same time. Yeah, but that's just same as pressing the big button. The big button normally takes the little button with it. What if you do a big whiz? Then you can do you press whichever button you want, mate.

I'm not policing this. I'm just saying they do do different things. And it's very observable. It's really easy. Can I say the best option is to have one of these flushes in the ladies' toilet in your podcast studio

that doesn't work at all unless you repeatedly fast-fuck it 19 times in a row. And then it works. Right, but that means you just get to see all the ladies' poos. You'll never flush it without me pressing the button.

We all use the disabled's anywhere. Yeah. Robin Huttley says Press the button dead fast. Little conspiracy theory. High Street coffee shops make their coffees too bitter. Bitter. So you were forced at heart to add sugary syrups which bumps up the price.

This person is just the child. Not a coffee drinker. I mean, that's just matcher really as well, in it? It's like, oh, it tastes like grass unless you make it, it tastes like banana bread. But like coffee being bitter could be nice. I'm a big coffee guy. But like, I prefer it chocolatey. I like a darker roast.

I like a darker roast. I like all the syrups to make it a sweet, sweet, naughty ting. Yeah, yeah, of course you like all the syruid tea pudding. Yeah. Can I drink a tiramisu, please? Oh, mate, Starbucks. That exists, doesn't it? Yeah, it was discontinued.

We've been going to get coffees, and Dan's been asking, can I get a milkshake, but you put coffee in it? Yeah. And then eventually someone went, that doesn't exist. Papuccino? It does it exist in Starbucks? Dan was asking for a bit, and they were just going, yeah, I'll just make you. I will do that at Mackey's.

I'll do a scali a fagato. And vanilla milkshake and a double espresso. Oh! It's banging. It's fucking banging. Scali Afigato is the way to go. I have the name of us, well. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's, again, they're good. You said it. Sounds like it's loads of it. I love the big, flavory, sugary thing. I also want that sweet, sweet, bumychey of the caffeine. Right.

Just combo that. It's just not a cost. 700 calories. Maybe I should be, but. Yeah, no sugar, no syrups for me. I ain't fucking around. No woman, no cry. Yeah.

Get it in me. But, you know, but I will say, where I'm with them on this, hipster coffee shops do make the coffee too bitter and too tasty. They're like, oh, we don't really roast these. The beans are like green, so it, like, tastes at. What the fuck is the point of that? It's just because it's like, did you get the full flavour of the bean? I don't want that.

I want the flavour of chocolatey coffee, you know. Much rather have a near rose than that bullshit. I like my coffee like I like my women. Bitter. Michael McBrough, and Black. Sorry, I should have thought of that. That's funny that. Full of cream.

Weak. Imported from a third world country. Good night, Bristol Jonglers. Michael McBride says, all right, lids, this could be a low-level conspiracy, but bordering on high level. Modern art is so shit

because the art colleges are afraid to reject the artists and make another Hitler. Wow. Well, I like that, I thought that they're worried to reject any artist in case they got full Hitler.

Is that what Hitler's bad? He's like, oh, you didn't like me draw someone to kill all the Jews. Yeah. I mean, like, I think, you know, there's a little more to it, but yeah, basically, yeah,

he was an art school dropout and people have attributed his failure as an artist to him being, like, quite bitter. But I think there was other stuff going on. Was his, was his professor, a Jewish person? Wow, you're really... I've just flunked out of Professor Silverstein's class.

I'll get my revenge. He was a Jewish doctor. Matt, go on. His paintings weren't that good. They need to do postcards. Yeah, but it's like, it's like, it's like a landscape. and stuff, but he wasn't very good of perspective.

So it's like, they're all right, but like, you know, he wasn't good enough to go full time, you know. Can you collect those? Yeah, people do, they're very collectible. Oh, okay. I would genuinely, I mean, when I started, do you remember, I forgot my name.

Now, there's a big fan of this podcast. Cool dude, there sent us loads of stuff. Jonathan? Yeah, but what's his name? Indy clone. Indy clone? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. I've seen Indiccone for ages. He set me some Hitler stamps. And I've got, I've got no interest in, you know, there's stance on things. Sure. But I've got an interesting how frayed will it is.

You've got them framed. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we get sent quite a lot of Nazi memberabilia to Dead Men. We don't ask for it. They just know.

They just know. They know what to send it is. Yeah, it's interesting. Yeah, it's interesting. It's like morbidly fascinating. Yeah. Wow, the person who owned this was fucking awful.

And I'm interested in that mind, like the thought of that rather than the, you know. Tom Segoor's, the tea cup. It's one of the best thing. It was absolutely class. I will say that I think the opinion

modern art is shit is a real plebs opinion that it's just based on not Adam despise as modern art Yeah Yeah I get it Doesn't like old art though Yeah

Let's be honest It's not like he's like This is shy I'm a constable man Like he's not arced There's always By the way I was right there I fucking nailed that

That was yeah But like there's always been bad art And like it's especially bad now It's just might not be a style That you're into Yeah there's always bad at art Is there? Yes

Isn't it's just subjective We're making some right now Isn't it so subjective though? Yeah, it is subjective. I think there is some art that is objectively bad, but most of it is very subjective. If someone likes it, it's good art. You sure?

I wouldn't go that far. If someone likes comedy, if anyone likes comedy, that makes it good comedy. If you do comedy in front of 100 people and 10 people laugh. Not a lot, but you... It's not... Carl, I don't think you are matching up this opinion you've...

No, but I mean, it's good to somebody. That doesn't mean it's good. It's good to them. doesn't mean it's good. Those are two separate things. Who decides what's good? Me. My opinions are right.

No one's talking about. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know a lot, but it's basic form. It's a thing that makes you feel something, isn't it? You're going somewhere to see if someone can elicit a response out of you with anything they've done, with any form of, like. I think bad art is saying nothing and doing nothing. Once you go into it going, let's see what this. And even if you go in going, this is just irritating.

you kind of, at least you're feeling like, I like that as well. Well, me and Seneca saw a piece of art in the Muse de Orsay in Paris 12, 13 years ago, and it was a picture of a woman that was a portrait, it was really dark, it was dead scary, and it stuck with us forever, and we could never find it on the internet.

So we went back to Paris this year, and we looked around this museum for this. I was like, this is cool, this is art that's doing something for us, and then we found that it was part of an exhibition that was tuck in temporarily, and then we thought, I was like, ah, all this time,

and we found it. So yeah, it was a piece of art that was normally give a fuck about probably but like, to me and her, that one portrait, it's like, wow, dead important. Yeah, and also the take of like, well, it doesn't take any skill to do it.

It's not that shit. I could do that. Yeah, but you didn't. You didn't think of it. You didn't do it first? Yeah, exactly. And it's like, it's not just about like, it's like, it's like, I think it's a really like

dumb opinion to like, based like how good art is on how technically proficient you have to be to do it. That's how you get boring art. It's like, yeah, you might be really skillful, but it's not interesting.

Like doing like a really realistic picture of something is skillful and it's impressive but it's not interesting and it doesn't mean anything. You know, like I'd much rather see someone do something from them. I went to the MoMA in New York and there was a piece of art

that was like a collage of loads of Soviet photos and Soviet drawings. And one of them was just a woman with a biff out. Yes. You get a load of biffs out. Did you feel anything? Yeah, I tried to feel the babushka pussy. Yeah, he looked inside.

There was another smaller pussy. Has anyone done an installation where it's just them shitting in the middle of like a art gallery? Definitely will be. So there was one, there was another one at the moment that was just loads of... Definitely will be. You know, those milk, there's metal kind of milk holders at farms. But in it was, one of them was filled with poo.

One of them was filled with we. One of them was filled with cum. One of them was filled with vomit. One of them was filled with... I'm not sure if it was, but it was at least like... It's got... Full of cum. There's no way they're in a bucket

full of coal You only get a bucket? Yeah The installation starts on Monday I've only got so much cheers I've chosen their wrong container It was meant to be like everyone boiled down

into just like bottled and fluids Sure yeah yeah Yeah but there's one One for one next to the poo one I went to Goldsmiths Dropped out But like So it's like a big art college

And like it's really like Forward Thinking So everyone's doing mad shit for their installations. Like, my next door neighbor, his final piece that he presented

for his, like, big, like, dissertation was a video of him getting bummed and he projected it on a wall in the university, massive.

And? And... He did very well. I think he did fine, yeah. Has it got two one? One of far. Could you go...

My dissertation, I'm not going to do it and that is the dissertation. If you hadn't... But, like, it's not just the final piece. You would have to do all the, like,

this is why. I did that and this is where it came from and these were me influencers in it. Like there was a girl who did her piece was a lot of emails. She sent to a professor. She had a crush on it. They were just weirder and weird. She just put them all on the wall around everywhere and like everyone got really freaked out.

It's really weird. But it's an interesting way of... It was interesting. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, I mean, I'm sure at Art College it gets a bit fucking Ponzi. Oh, yeah.

Like, yeah, yeah, loads of it. Real wank, yeah. You enjoyed, did you enjoy it? I loved it. Yeah, okay. I love. You must have been the working class. Yeah, I was a bit rough.

He's northern. I was totally a bit of rough because it was like really, really middle class. And like my three mates were the only three lads who liked football at the entire unit. It was us. And then like, everyone was dead artsy. And it was like 70% women and like 10% gay guys. So the odds were just stacked wildly in your favour. And I love artsy girls with nose piercings and issues with the parents.

so I had a great time. Princess Beatrice went there while I was there and someone pooed on the floor of the union when she was in on a club night. That's just a heart, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's her first. Yeah.

It was fucking clock. I was outside having a fag and everyone just ran out like screaming and covered in shit because it had been in the middle of the dance floor and it got trampled everywhere before anyone noticed. I reckon there's anything you could do an article with you go, you've just taken liberties now. Oh yeah, like the girl had wrote all the stalker letters

to the professor got kicked out because it was like bad. Oh, it got really. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was like really bad. And the professor was like, no, I've been asking her to stop this. Oh, so it was like genuinely terrified. It's a challenging, exciting piece. Yeah.

But it's also the evidence that you... It's illegal. Yeah, it was like a literal crime. She could be the next Hitler. Yeah, maybe, yeah. Although you can't be a woman Hitler. You just can't. No, misogyny's going to stop you.

I'm not saying that you don't have the skills to be a Hitler. I'm saying society will not tolerate a female Hitler. She'd get called Nagy, wouldn't she? Yeah, well, shut up Hitler, moaning about the Jews. Get back to your fucking sweeping. Make us a sandwich. Hitler. That's what it would be. I'm not saying this is right.

The kitchen looks like a... We're on your side. Female heroes. I think women should be Hitler's. I think we should... That's what we need for equality. Go to holocaust of dishes, will you? Yeah.

Give it to them. There's six million pots in that kitchen. The showers are dirty. What was your installation? Well, I didn't do art. I was just... Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. I was studying politics and sociology.

I just wanted to hang around. Goldsmiths? Yeah, they've got a really good humanities department. But yeah, I just wanted to hang around with artsy people because loads of bands started there, like, Blur were from there, the claxons and shit. So I was like, I'll go be there, I'll be around arty people,

I'll get in a band, and then I'll headline Glastonbury. That was my head when I was 19. What? What do you play? Nothing? I sing. I play bass, but I didn't want to. Oh, we all play a bit six.

Yeah. That's never stopped rock stars before. Yeah, exactly. I don't play anything. It seems to be cool. Could have had an amazing art installation of Tony Eboa's goal when he hit the crossbar and just kept that

and Ripley they were like so challenging you did too back to back yeah exactly Wimbled and Liverpool I don't know

one on one wall one on the other I think it's still true like it definitely was up until a couple of years ago that he was the only player to win goal of the month

back to back to back in the Premier League because he did those two months in a row the Wimbledon and Liverpool once fucking

what a boy shout out Tony I was genuinely going to call my first born son Tony Abower Mulholland but one of my very good mates

Tony Basner I was like I can't have a Tony because he'll just be like named after me, ruined it. I've got a football theory that ship players only get this kind of recognition because of their name.

Remember Mattie Taylor? Yeah. He scored bangers for a laugh. He was great, Matt Taylor. He sounds like a lad from school. Yeah. I give a lot of respect to Mattie Taylor because on FIFA, I think, about 2003,

he was unbelievable and would, like, just become the best player in the world if you signed him when he was young, so I do give him respect. He scored better goals. Morton Gams Pedersen is this lord of the guy. I love him. His name's Elfell.

him there. I'll say, there's got some better goals. Matt Lettisier benefits from that. If he was just Matt Brown. Two guy. Hang on. Hang on.

He was unbelievable. Matt Littia was a fucking wizard. I agree. He was a wizard. He does a bit of the lift. But Litticey... It does a bit of the lift. It's all I'm saying.

He deserves it. Who's a better goalkeeper? Paul Robinson or UC Ascalinan. Be honest. It's Paul Robinson. It is. It is. Everyone's like,

UC Laske, he's shite. Really? No, he was good. That's because his name is UC Yaskoliner. Yeah. Yeah. Robert Green, better than him, but like, Shacher Islop. Real name Ian? Do you know that?

His name's Ian Heslop. Heslop's real name is Ian Hizlop. Cannot be Ian Heslop. It can't be Ian Heslop. Heslop is his name. No, it's not Ian Hizlop. It's Neil Hizlop. Very different. By the way, look, the episode of Have I Got News for you where they accidentally book Shaka Ian Hyslop. Absolutely amazing. Oh, shit, that's why I'm saying. Shaka Hislop and Mrs. Merton.

But Neil Hislob? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a member. He doesn't give a fuck. Ronaldino, one of the best players ever. Also, he's added to the fact that he's got this fucking cool name. That's why when Fred was about, it's like, mate, have another run at that. Like, if you're going to give yourself a little nickname, you can't be just Fred.

Oscar, Fred. Fred Lino or something like that at least. Come on. I think a lot of people are riding on their names. Joel T says, hi, hi, lads, low-level conspiracy for you. Badgers are at. extinct. No one's ever seen one anyway except for the dead ones on the side of the road. Big wind in the willows is throwing fake bodies out to get that sweet, sweet badger money.

Absolute frauds. They don't even have them in zoos. I have never seen a badger. I love this as a theory. Unfortunately, I do have to ruin it. I did see a badger like about six months to a year ago scuttling around late at night near the park in stockport. You sure it wasn't a raccoon? Why would there be a raccoon in Stockport? There is any, is there a Cheshire raccoons that we don't know of that? I don't think there's Cheshire raccoons. They're the hokey deen. It was a badger, he was waddling.

He was waddling. I could tell you how I knew it was a badger, the exact same body shape as Adam Rowe. Roe, like, I've said this before. Roe looks like a badge that's been held up under his armpits. He won't listen to it to him. Oh, right. Don't get me wrong.

I've said this to him. He's like, I'm sure. But also, how do we not know that you've been paid off by Big Wind and the Willow? This is true. I'm easily buyable. Like, if Winding the Willows wants to give me some cash, I'll say any old nonsense.

I've seen three badges today. Get over it. Do you know what? Their reputation's built up as well by, because they've got an hard cousin in the honey badger. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I reckon you could twat an English badger then

because you think it's the honey badger carrying their reputation. They're about a meter long. Yeah, they're fucking big boys. They also look of dense. What's badger baiting? What's badger baiting? Like non's baiting in it? Yeah, yeah.

You text them and go away. You get him to test. I could, yeah, I could beat a badger around the back of of a supermarket. In his domain, I'd struggle, maybe. You need it to be a home game. That is the back of us,

that is his domain. This is a conversation we have with Harry recently, like said he could fight a fucking hammerhead shark on something we were doing for show. He was like, yeah,

yeah, I could definitely, like, it was like, in the water, you're like, what are we doing? You're not fighting a badger around the back of the supermarket. You're drowned first.

No, but I specified the hammerhead because you could just, I mean, their looks. It's a hammer. Their head looks like handlebars anyway.

So you could grab onto it. And what? And stop. kind of fuck it. If you stop it, they drown, don't they? You drown? Yeah.

Fizz? No, I'm good old to me dry. It's stronger than you. You're not, you're not going to be able to hold a shark and stop it swimming. It's stronger than you. It's just going to carry on swimming

with you attached to it. If you push your shark backwards, do they're not drowned though. You can't do that. It's so much stronger than you. It's like just saying, if you push a shark backwards, good luck doing that.

Punch them on the nose. Also, the hammerhead charge. Where is it snows on the hammerhead? It's all nose. It's a big wide nose. Exactly. these mortar punch? No chance.

I think a badger would fuck you up, right? I think a badger... In a phone box. A badger could hold you down and gently make love to you and there's nothing you could do. There's nothing you could do. Oh, Basil, the Rapey Badger. Animate it.

You just wish... Also, whoever's working... I don't know, they can't, there's not... No one ever sees any. But whoever's doing the PR for honey badges in the last 20 years, phenomenal job. Because in my head, they're about three feet long

and they can kill the TV. dragons. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's half a million badges in the UK. Yeah. That's ball, isn't it?

Yeah. And how many UK deaths are? They've played badgers every year. Genuinely. I reckon it's more than 10. I don't think it is. But it's like 25.

I don't think many people are dying to badges. I might have some people get fucked up. There are no verified badger deaths in the UK. But has anyone ever ever tied from a honey badger?

Well, yeah. Yeah. They're really bullocks off. That's why everyone's scared of him. It's the bollock ripping, isn't it? the bit that's terrifying. Oh, it's,

is the bollock, there's no, they've never killed anyone. Right, but they've ripped, a lot of bollocks off. Yeah, I'd rather it killed me.

Like, just kill me rather than make me a eunuch. Yeah. I don't need to join a choir, just kill me. But he is, the badges of the kid

in year seven, he were like, yeah, my older brother in year 11 will punch you that then. Yeah, yeah, and goes,

La Leaf badges, man. Hey, UK Badgers, they don't know honey badges, do they? What are you saying?

I don't think they're pals. They're like the... We're honey badgers? Yeah, I've got my cousin abroad. Yeah. He'll come over here. Yeah, if your cousin's like, Ricky...

Oh, not Ricky Aten, but like... If your cousin was Ricky Atten and Scoob, like, yeah, he's hard. But he lives in Manchester. He's named me in Hid. Nice. Absolutely absurd. Have you got a favourite there?

Um... I'll either be in no badges. I'm into that. I... I don't think I've ever seen a badger, I believe it. Legitimately. And there's half a million of them. Can I just ask,

genuinely what is badger baiting? Is it basically fox hunting with badgers? Yeah, you put the bag out so they come out and then you fuck them up. How many horses are in the UK? Badger baiting is an illegal blood sport where dogs are sent up. But I think badger... Was badger baiting not made legal because there were loads of badgers everywhere? Yeah, they have to cull them.

Then there's a badger called. I think there's probably better ways to cull them than just ripping apart with dogs, in it? In Australia, there's the wild boar problem, isn't it? They've got basically wild pigs and you're allowed to just mow them down with machine guns from helicopters. Yeah, Southern America as well. They've got wild feral hogs that I roam in.

How many horses are in the UK? More than half a million. There's more horses than badges, definitely. More than half a million? Yeah. What a great game, by the way. Hire or lower, just various animals in the UK. More horses?

More horses. More horses than badges. 850,000 horses. Oh, it's not that far! And you see horses most weeks. Yeah, you see them everywhere. Yeah. They're a much more visible animal.

No one's using a badgerous transport for a start. A mouse could. And that would be adorable. By the way, If the horses, they were like, you know what? Horses have got a lot of good press out of this horse racing. Before, in like the prelims, we'll do badger racing. I'm there?

800 people are killed by horses each year. I believe that. I don't fuck with horses. Go on. Give me an animal. Oh, sheep. Oh, come on. More, got to be more.

Four and a half million. All right, all right. Sheep's too, there's going to be too many. Goats, I think, is an interesting one. How many sheep have killed people? Yeah, but how many sheep are in the UK? I'm gonna say 10 million I don't think 10 mil but a lot

30.4 million sheep Oh my God Whoa That's a lot fucking sheep All right goats versus horses then I think goats is much more reasonable Because they're not as many as sheep

You think more goats 5 mil I think more horses than goats 100,000 goats Wow Goat and Raymond Five badges Everybody goat

That's crazy That's where it's bologues Because I've seen goats Yeah but you've seen One of the 100 thousand That's not that meant. Every time you see a goat, you should then see five badges

before you see the next one. That's how statistics work. You don't. Yeah. But I don't think goats are like roaming wild in the UK. They're only like farmed. Yeah. And they're not like one of the main farm animals.

How many alpacas are in the UK? The night time. Yeah, the night crawlers. I think fewer alpacers. Almost 50,000 alpacas in the UK. A lot of alpacres, yeah. Mad this. What country do we live in, man?

What are you saying? It's gone down hills since the alpacers got him. I get me with chickens. Coming over in small boats. I reckon chickens is... Oh, chickens, there's millions of millions. 300 million. 183 million.

No, but annually, there's one billion. Obviously, they just keep on that, like... Yeah, yeah, yeah. They keep on dying. What happens to him? Burry the leaner. That's a shame, in it. Oh, another one's got.

They're making a roast. There you go. More chickens than there is alpacas. You get in the faxia and have a word. We will have a break. And leave it with the chicken Holocaust of a female Hitler. Well,

back. And all the way from New Zealand, we've got the Not for Radio Boys. Oh, wow. That's a... That's a... It's a profession. See that? We're not used to this. My floors back home still. No, yeah, I've seen your stuff.

I've seen your stuff. It was good because Adam was like, listen, I'm away, but these guys are coming on. And that always fills me with dread because I'm like, have you fucked me on the bookings here? And he was like, no, it's this stuff. I've seen tons of your stuff over the years. You're basically a Kiwi version of us. it feels like that

yeah it does so it's an absolute pleasure to be here thank you very much for ever it's just fucking mad to think that your casting couch is an orange over here yeah we bought a 20 pound one like in the very very first couch that costed 20 quid from a charity shop

it just by chance happened to be orange so when we moved into this place and we were throwing money around that was such a fucking nightmare to find drive to and buy we've got to keep it orange It's got to be white, clean. So welcome.

And you've been on, you're saying you're doing it like a, you're here for a while, but it's busy as fuck. He's been a bit of a mad set up. So probably the backstory on how we got here, we had stone skimming national championships. Oh, yes. Fuck off. Do that in the park by me?

No, genuinely, there's a group that go to the park where they live and they do that. I think every man thinks they could win this competition. Well, that's what makes it so good. It's the last bastion of shit sports that anyone that's a heavy drinker and smoker can compete in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, it's like, Darts takes skill. Stone skimming just takes...

You're gonna have a fucking crack. Yeah. And so we... Yeah, you can give it a go. Being a bad stone skimmer, I imagine the barrier to entry is pretty low. Very low. But the good ones are fucking amazing.

I watched the documentary about, like, the world championships of stone skimming recently. And those guys are sick. It's like, it's fucking good. They're going a long way. This is not good. It's opposite end of that scale. you want distance or bounces

because there's two different ways of competing it's either most bounces or who gets it the furthest so which one are you doing? So the rules that we were operating under were the World Championship rules is which we were heading to so you've got a five metre lane that you need to skim within you get three stones which you have to find on the beach

in which you're throwing from and then you put it through a skimometer which is like one of those ones that they measure cricket balls with to see if they're out of shape and then you have to bag your stones up give them over to the people so you don't fuck with them because last year there was some tampering, some sandpaper stuff. Oh, the Aussies were there, were there?

Exactly. Yeah, I think he might have been one of those Germans. I'm a big cricket guy. Just get them on side, daily. And so you bagged your stones up, and then when you get up there, that you bust them out and you have a whip. So for us, we had probably 100 metre runway

that we could skim down, and we were there commentating. And so we just got thrown in last minute. Literally, we were not supposed to be doing it whatsoever. and so I was like number 90.5 and then Jay got jammed in and 91.5 and they just put us in a pot of like a pot of like 12 people throwing

or whatever so last minute entered into the open means and Jay fucking won his pod which meant he got to go through the final and then I was like fuck you man now I've got to commentate the final by myself and he was actually really good like he was real consistent so all of his throws were going straight up the middle

and if you give it too much they start bending and then they go off to the side or whatever and fuck it gets to about what there was three mid-packs. So 21 or 21 stones left to be thrown after me and because I wasn't thinking about it and we're commentating into steaming tins all day I ended up getting pretty pissed

and so I forgot to grab my stones and so everyone else had been scouring the beach of this lakefront for ages to get perfect stones and so with 20 seconds to go I was like fucking just grab what was at my feet but I had one perfect like per look like a year UFO, like your classic UFO, the perfect

skimming stone, and I was like, I'm putting everything I've got into this one. And I fucking hifted as hard as I could and it just scudded straight in, didn't get one, skip on. I was like, oh, fuck. And all I had left was something that looked like the map of Australia, and then one that looked like a box of matches. And then this

Australian one went shit out, surprisingly. And then the boxer matches, which was the last chance, just fucked off down the lake for ages. And so he ended up going about 53 metres, which was mid-pack, considering the girl that won her heat through 76. And so at this stage I was like, back on the mic, it will be sweet.

But then everybody just fucked out one after another after me. And then the last guy with his last stone went whistling straight past me and it kept going and going and going. And then it just bent outside of the lane. So then he got disqualified. So I won by default and fucking now we're off to Scotland for the World Stone Skimming. That's interesting. Yes.

Unbelievable. That's kind of while we're here. I'm half the morals for four. So it's in Orkney, is it? Eastdale Island, yeah. Yeah. That's coolest flock. It says so much about this sport that you can be pulled off the commentary and then win it.

I bet in sandals as well. And also says so much about your lives that you're like, we're fucking going to the finals. Yeah. Because our show sponsors for the radio show sponsored the event, this is the worst time for us to be away from the radio show. Busiest time. Which means we're running double shifts at the moment. absolutely melting ourselves, but because they wanted to give it validity,

they're like, you've got to go, you can't win it and give it to second place. So off you fuck. And then the boss was like, well, it's in the middle of our busiest time. And they were like, well, we can either pull all of our sponsorship money from the radio show or you can fucking send them. And he was like, see you and Scotland boys go well.

Amazing. Are you officially the bastard New Zealand? National champ? Fuck yeah. That's awesome. Fuck, you should have bought the blazer. So I've got this a New Zealand blazer, was fashion off the 1930s Olympic blazers.

And the only reason I got it. So at my high school, there's a New Zealand honours board that I stared at when I was in assembly forever. And so our high school, it's a state school, so anyone can go there. But currently on the list, the last three names are Pete Burling sailing for Team New Zealand. Kane Williamson, New Zealand.

One of the great batsmen. Sam Kane, All-Black Captain. And then the next name to go up under those will be Jay Reeves, Stone Skimming. Yes. Jayree, huge tosser. Is there like a goat? Genuantly cool as fuck.

He's trying to become the goat of the sport. Is there a goat of Scotland? There is. There's a guy that you would have seen it in the dock. There's a few who are like amazing but there's like one dude

who's just like a savant who's just like the best and there's a few of them who like take it so serious. They go everyday training and like they really are like fucking good. But like artificial stones as well.

But like where the world championships are is like really mad. It's on like on this island It's in like a little cove. It's like in a bay. So it's not ideal conditions. Because there's like rocks on either side. You've got to be like really accurate down it.

And like people keep hitting the end of the cove now because they're so good at throwing. So like it's got a limit to it. So it's like, uh, it's like, yeah. Hang on. So is that, is that, are you disqualified if you hit the end of the car?

No, if you hit the end of it, that's just basically you've got a maximum. You've got like, yeah. It's like that. But like, uh,

so it's like, move it away from there. But because it's so traditional, if it's so traditional, wants to stay. Honestly, I wish I could remember the name of the documentary.

It's fucking amazing. He has not researched this morning. No, no. He has not researched this because you were in. I did not know that you were. It was a complete random chance.

You've just flit some of his tism. Honestly, my big tism is I will watch any documentary about people trying to be the best at the world at something I don't really care about. I love it.

I love watching world championships of anything. I love people who are committed to what they do and love it more than anything, especially when it's stupid nonsense. Could you Google

what the documentary's called, because it's really good. It's a really good film that people watch. Has a dude that fucking punches darts while he throws? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a fucking ledge. He's just like,

fucking, he's going to sit in his mouth holding a pint of piss and he's just sending it down the thing. So the idea is you get three stones and you want to hit the back wall with each one of those throws and then you just keep going

until someone can't hit it. So Arkees actually, because he threw 52 meters without, I mean, admitted he hasn't thrown a stone since the end. So the Cravers is going well, Yeah, it's less cool if you start really trying. I just been jamming peptides the whole time he's jamming.

Don't get him started. He loves the peptide, he loves the petty and skin. Wicked. Not if you can, actually. Well, not actually he has been putting peptides in his elbow because it's fucked. But BPC-157CB-500 by any chance. Possibly.

Yeah. Call me Danny peptides, man. He was actually probably the most consistent thrower and so he was throwing, say, 52. If he turns up and has a good day, you can probably hit the back wall. Oh, man, that should be your aim, try and get a back wall.

Did you play a lot of cricket when you were younger? No? I was just trying to work out where you got this arm from. Massive masturbator. I think I could get into this story. Just really vigorous. Throwing your cum, 52 metres. It involves peptides of one case.

This is... You're in, mate. I'm going Scotland. Can you wait a tiramisu while you're doing? It adds up to 52 metres. Yeah, yeah. Six, six, six. Yeah.

I throw on the hand too, which is really... This is spite of the end throw. Yeah. I love this... I've got so much more... The older I get, the more time I've got for these ridiculous sports that are just done in one village in... What's the cheese roll?

Yeah, the cheese roll. Yeah, the cheese roll. I remember seeing that going, that's so stupid, and you're like, I'd absolutely love to go and watch that. My hometown of Nersbury in North Yorkshire has the bed race every year. It's a massive event, right? The bed race.

The bed race, literally like beds, like sleeping in your bed. But the beds that people race are not strictly beds. They're sort of like scaffolding frames on wheels with a canoe strapped to it that someone sits in. But they dress them up as big floats and they push them around the town as a big parade. Right. And then they have a race up and down. It's a really hilly town in the north of England.

And they race all around it and they push them through the river. Basically the rules are you're either a team of women pushing a little boy or you're a team of men pushing a little girl. Just how it goes. Don't look to... Can't see the problem with it. There's no problem.

It's a very wholesome family event. Stop making it weird. When you lose a float with a small girl on it and there's a load of men going the wrong way. There's a group of men here pushing the honey monster? Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a big thing. But like 200,000 people turn up to the tower. It's a massive event and everyone in the town

just gets hammered all day. It's a fucking great day. You got me. It's really good. My advice always is leave before sundown. It changes. Because everyone's been on it all day. But genuine, the bed race is fucking brilliant.

It's a right, good event. Yeah, every year in Nersborough. I fucking love it. I love a bit of bed race. Yeah, it's basically like a working class northern version of the Red Bull Soapbox. But yeah, but we're twinned with the corporate money and more of the... We're twinned with a tass of grooming. Twinned with a town in Germany that comes and wins it every year.

It's that funny the Germans come over and twatters every year. Like the team from Bieber in Germany. who win every fucking year. Nairbra's Twin Town sends a bed. Yeah, they send a bed, yeah. It's a big event, mate. It's a big deal. The bed race.

Is any prize money? Maybe. I've never been a competitor. What I would do is I'd stand near the end of the race, right, just after the river. So they've come through the river, they'd air cold and wet, and they're knacker because they've been running around everywhere. And I would heckle the teams on their way into the finish line with a can. And it was great.

Just seeing a drunk guy with a fag being like, come on, lads, pick the pace up. people I get furious. It was really good fun. You were talking about tampering with the stones. Last year there was a huge controversy about, do you know what conkers is? We have like the... Does that not made it...

You might not have... Do you have horse chestnut trees in New Zealand? Yeah. I think that's a... Yeah, it's a fair question, isn't it? I'm asking if they've got conkers, mate. In a language they might understand. Sorry for reaching out across the fucking sea.

Sorry for trying to create a bombs. Have you got a hole with our antipatering friends? I don't know what trees they've got The trees are population of New Zealand. I'm fucking hell We're trying to smuggle one in. We're pretty much got what you have got because you settled us

So yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Did we take them over? Did we take some trees over with us? And fucking gorse, thanks mate. That thing's fucking everywhere now grows way better in our country. But yeah, we get the concuss the seed from the host chester tree

and the little spike thing When it comes out, we have a game where you put a hole through it and you tie a bit of string on it, and then you hit other people's conkers. And the rules are, if you break their conquer, you win, and you sort of accumulate all the kills that conquer's at. So if your conquer is beaten another conker, you get one, right?

But then if that conker gets beaten, if you say you win three times, you've got a three conquer. If you beat a three conquer, you've now got a three. That's how it works. You sort of take all their kills on. And then people are fucking putting Ron seal wood varnish on. It's not on. It was like Cooler Judy before Cool of Judy.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Had a metal conker. And he was the head judge and he came with an iron conker and fucked everyone all. And then he was the head judge suit and I won't.

That's not on. If he is shot in his bed, he deserves that. Yeah, yeah. And then you get all the kills that you got. A 27 conker hit. I used to soak my conkers in vinegar, bake him in the oven.

Yeah, you did. Yeah, I was trying all the little tricks. I was, you know, I was competitive. My nan's nursing home had a big horse chestnut tree, so he used to come in with a massive sack every autumn. He's such a good grandchild. He's always visiting his grand. I did.

I got to see my great ground every week. I get a sack of conkers and they just go fuck up my mates at school. Like, who wants it? Who fucking wants it? This is while the internet existed. No. No, I'm like seven at this point. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Pretty internet, mate. Cool kid. I was making me old fun. Are you a similar age? That's a bit older, I think. You're a little, guys. How old are you up? 38?

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. You're closer to us than Dan. Yeah, Dan's quite old. Yeah, he's an old, man. I'm 45. Yeah, it's old. Fuck, I. But I'm on pet...

But I'm on pet... He's on the Pips, this one. I look like a 42-year-old. He's a heart of a 64-year-old. Are they putting a can of Peptides? Fuck, you know. That's a great show sponsor. I'm on against a middle-aged podcast.

Fucking sick, yeah. So where have you got to, where have you seen? You've just done the Liverpool. You've done Amphil. You've done the tour. Yeah. And then we're in London for like three days. Nice.

And we became one day, basically. Basically. And at the same time, you are being made to do your radio show in the middle of the night. Yeah, it's niggly. Yeah. Yeah, we can get in a little bit earlier, knock it out earlier. Yeah. Pre-wreck it up.

We've got the log, so just pump it out. Right, nice. Which sounds shit-house. I mean, as in, like, the product sounds shit-house once we do it, because we generally quite hammered or tired or hungover. of a combination of the ball of the but you're a world champion you know of the music this time of year

one of the others sort of us out fucking coming up here never been on like a decent fast train before we've got us in the first class that was a fucking real treat hey really sorry is your experience that our trains are good the genuine news to us at all the absolute

silence this is this is not representative I've never heard one of these guys before I said you've had a bizarre experience of our trains don't go back going British trains are great huge

New, do, do, do. Drink the whole time on this? We've got delivered us food. Oh, yeah, like, we'll say that about all the British society. We are very amenable to your drinking. Like, if you want to drink, you'll be able to find a way anyway. The culture of get on a train and have a tin. We were trying to find a cafe this morning, just something that did an espresso coffee.

And we walked past 500 pubs before we found a place that served coffee. Yeah, yeah. You get coffee in the pub. Yeah, welcome to Brits. You told me in the lift that you used to be on a bender for the last few years. days. Yeah. You said that you'd been

pissing maple syrup. Yeah. It's been, it's, yeah, it's fucking. The flowed levels of the rock bottom

at the night. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It does always give you a sign which it's like, ooh, that fizzed. I'm gonna have one water. Just when you see it

making a patent, like kind of this like latte art. The little leaf in the toilet. It's when you judge by someone at a urinal. Right. When they're like, Jesus, mate.

Yeah. It's right. Have some fucking. fucking water. I know we're on a staggedo. Just like bleed and irradiator. Give your kidney a chump. I've seen people stay in the bowl in here.

Like the bowl stayed yellow after they flushed the toilet. That's bad shit. It's a late level shit. I'm a big hydrator. Couldn't be me. Couldn't be me. I mean, you've got two bottles of water right there.

I'm pissing clear, mate. I look at this. I'm ready to go. My kidneys took a beating in the first like 20 odd years of your life. So I'm really trying to make up for it now. That's what happened. You started to try a chlorate back guy.

Oh yeah. I'm desperately trying to like undo the damage I did to myself in the first afternoon. You're like, you're being healthy for three months. Why the fuck aren't I better yet? It was because you've been smashing your body for 25 minutes. Yeah, I went to a yoga class for six weeks. That'll undo the years of cocaine. How's yoga at six foot seven?

Is it easier or far harder? Would you mean? Well, like, I know, I want to be like, what do you mean? But actually, I have to take my own special Macs. I don't fit on him. Doing down with giraffe. I'm genuinely. I had to turn up with my own mat

that I got off Amazon. It's like the heading for a diving... Fuck this guy's serious there. It's like the guy that turns out his own pool cube play pool. Yeah, I know. It looks like I'm going to be sick at yoga. It's like, no, I literally,

otherwise I'm just lying on the floor with a mat in the middle of me. My balance is shite, but I'll say that, being tall does not help your balance. But apart from that, it's the same, isn't it? Did you do sweaty yoga? Because we did sweaty yoga.

Any yoga I do sweaty. There's a lot of milf about. The way I left the mat afterwards. I did dribble a yoga. was awful. Like, like, people are doing sweat yoga and there's like a few beads of sweat on the forehead. I piss. It's running off my nose.

I've got Graves disease. It makes you sweat mental. So, like, I go double-hard. I reckon, I sweat a lot out of my face. Maybe I've got that got a bad name for the disease. It's fucked, in it? Graves disease. When the doctor told me that, there was like a pause and he goes, it's not what you think.

It's named after Edward Graves. I just think if that's your name, you don't get to name the disease. Well, that's sweet-d-dose. Because I'm fucking pretty sweet. It's not just. the sweatiness to be clear there's a lot more to it

like, what else happened? I was also like fainting, I was like passing out like the worst thing about fainting, I hated it, I kept fainting all the time, the worst thing about is, is it's just the blood not being able to get to your heat? Like, just told. A giraffe. Serious question.

It just, the thing about fainting is, it feels gay. Like, it's like, ooh, I'm too weak to stand up. It was horrible. You kept fainting onto a clock though, yeah. It happened at a Leeds game. I had to like, I had to, I was trying to like, Like after we scored, I was celebrating, and I was like, fuck, I'm getting all faint.

Tried to walk out in the concourse and passed out in the middle of it, and I thought I was hammered. Did you get down, did you take a knee before you fainted, or did you go full timber? No, I sat on my ass, because my vision went all black,

and I sat on my ass, and I went out. But yeah, it was mad. That was happening for, like, months, and, like, didn't know what it was. I was, like, going to, like, heart doctors and all this shit. And then doctor tried to tell me it was anxiety,

and I was like, mate, it happened in a Tai Chi class. It's like, If there's any place I'm not anxious, it's doing Tai Chi. It's like literally the most cartoonishly relaxed. What is Tai Chi? My mum did Tai Chi for a bit. It's like gay karate is what it is.

Do you hear people or do you just like pretend? No, it's not, it's like slow down Kung Fu. It's meditation and stretching basically. Like, yeah, I still do it. I love it. Just for the audio listeners, you're going to have to take a knee for this one. Oh. Yeah, it's all that sort of shit.

But I love it. It's dead good. Right. I really like Tai Chi, yeah. And then to what happened? So then eventually I paid for a blood test. I was like, this ain't right.

Because I was like, doing shows was fucking awful. The first date of my first tour, I was in Derby and it was a hot day and like the sweatsgraves to each of you are weird. It literally pours off me. There was a point where I looked down and I heard the splat on the floor of my...

I couldn't speak with any. Also, that's hard for you. It's hard for you, but whenever you're sweating on the, stage. Doesn't matter if the room's warm or anything. Everyone sat there watching you, he's going, he's having a nightmare. He's either nervous or panicking. I was also in a velvet tuxedo.

Yeah, that'll do it. Fuck. So, like, doing this, and I couldn't, I couldn't project my voice. I was, like, really weak. I was like, I couldn't speak properly. I was struggling to get through the words, even. So, like, by the end of it, I was, like, I was having to sit down in between saying hello to people in the queue to come, like, get photos afterwards. It was mad.

The next day I went to the doctors, he told me I had a graves disease. He was just, like, it was funny, he looked to me, he went, you've got graves. I'll do some tests, but I can see it. He's like, don't worry, I just see it all there. I get it. And he's like, gave me the, I was like, he was like, oh, I'll give you some meds.

And I was like, cool, but I've got a show tonight. But like, you know, I've got loads of shows coming up. It's my first tour or a thing. Like, how long do you reckon it'll take to go? And he'll be fine tonight. Give me these pills. I was fucking sound that night. It was fucking crazy.

I just took this pill. And like, I've never had an issue with it since. It was mad. And like, I don't know, fuck knows, man. I don't have you got any. You've never had the issue since after. What do you think of some sort of fucking nerd? Do I look gay?

He did one pill up and it was gone? What? One pill and it was gone forever. No, no, I had to regularly. I had to take some that stop the symptoms and they took all the ones that cured, basically put it in remission. I take those every day.

But the ones that, like, cured the symptoms are like... I don't know how much of a crackhead I am. Yeah. If he had someone on in there... I'd try it. I've got one in my car. Actually, to be fair, the ones that stop the symptoms are pretty sick.

They're also used for, like, anti-anxiety and they do chill you the fuck out. I was feeling great. I was having a lovely time. Not if you've ever taken any ADHD medication. Oh, an elevants. I don't like it, man. An elvance of an afternoon will really help get shit done.

I get grumpy on ADHD medication, man. I get fucking testy. I'm way less fun when I take it. So I just don't. I just smell loads of weed. I'm sound. The great leveler. Yeah.

Not medical advice today on the show. This is great. Yeah, it's medicine. Take your friends drugs. Yeah. Everyone's going to need by one of those weird pill containers, aren't they? The Monday Friday Saturday. Yeah.

Did he say Wednesday it was? Was it a weed or that fucking weird Graves disease pills? There's a company in New Zealand called Good Health and they've made the first time ever that this company's taken on an ambassador and they've made me the ambassador, which I know you can sit the irony on the face of straight away. You're a hero now. You're a serial box.

So now they've got this post-40 setup called Next Age. And then we've got dung some as well. We look like chemo patients taking a handful of pills and it's like fucking liver, heart. fucking NMN, NAD plus, like, lockstock the fucking lot, but here we are. This is it to the peak.

And are you now, are you, are you living healthy, or are these tablets doing a lot of the fucking... They're pissed right down. They're taking, they're taking, probably they're keeping it from going further and reverse. The way I had it explained to me is imagine driving like a B-train truck down a small country lane for 40 years and then trying to back it out at the same pace you drove down it.

Right, right. So it's going to take twice as long if you just don't help yourself out. You're a big whim, Hoffer, aren't you, Jay? Yeah, I fucking love it. Every morning. It's the only good thing I do that. It's not a ice bath. And sorens at night.

Well, as a cold plunger myself, what temperature are you rocking there, Jay, every morning? We've got this group called the Gypsy Kings, which a bunch of old 60-year-old lads that have retired and cashed up. And so they live nearby, and we all go around each other's houses in the morning. It's a group of us. You group cold plunge?

Yeah. Oh. Oh, I'm just a loner. Yeah, it's fucking, it makes it way easier too, because you can have chat and it takes your mind off it. But all of us have got three degree, three degree pulls. You three degrees? Yeah, I really, I really, like, I struggle at three degrees.

People are like, yeah, so I've been doing it for a couple of years. Yeah. And I thought by now, my tolerance would have just increased, and I'd be doing like five minutes of time. Yeah, every single time. At three degrees, I struggle to get past 90 seconds. My fucking shins, like my ankles, like it's through. Skin feels like it's burning now.

Makes your fingers feel like they're bending backwards and breaking. It's great stuff. The thing is, for every cold plunge, it's like the same head as a line. It's the same amount of dopamine as a line. And that's all I needed to hear. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just like cocaine, I'm in.

You can't get a load of girls back to your house to cold plunge. It's all right hours. Guess all ladies? That's mine. Oh, God, I sucked off a DJ last night because I had a cold plunge. That's up. Where they was tired. That's happening.

It is easy with people. It is easy. So as part of a patron special that we stuck out, everyone came around to my house and we cold plunged and everyone got past four minutes. Like it, there is something about. Toxic masculinity.

When you pride kicks in, you go, don't be a gimp sitting there. Everyone full of it. You don't want to be the one who's last. There's one here called Wild Sona. Don't you've seen her. You jump in the dark and you can also call plunge. But the baths are in front of this huge window.

Like the size of that wall. which is a sauna. So you get in the bath and you get in the sauna. But everybody's watching you in the bath from the sauna. So you're like, well, I can't be the guy who's in the sauna going,

ha ha. You get out and you're like, yeah, I can do this. And everyone's watching. And you're like, and it's the masculinity that goes, I will finish the five minutes.

I had it in Iceland. I got in like a cold plunge that looked like dead chill because there was like two teenage Icelandic girls just chilling out in there and having a chat. They were just like chatting to each other. And like, I got in and I was immediately like,

I need to leave right now. But I had to like sit out for a while because there's just like skinny young women just like, I don't move. If I don't move, I'm okay. Yeah. So there's a couple of trick. There's seven seconds in,

seven seconds out through your nose seven times. Basically it'll crush anything because it calms your whole parasympathetic nervous system. And then when you sit there, if you've got hair on your body, you make a little warm cocoon. Yeah. So if you really want to fuck with yourself,

just give yourself a little shake and that little bit of agitation that brings it back brand new. But yeah, like I've been doing it for, probably seven or eight years and every single time you're hop in it's fucking brand new and sometimes you'll be like I can boss this this morning

and you'll get bitched and then other times I really don't want to get in it and you just breathes through it so it doesn't really make there's no rhyme or reason to it there is there were mornings where I'm like it isn't happening today and then there's other times like after if you go for a jog getting in afterwards is phenomenal like it's a mate I love doing that

if you bring some heat into the situation it's a little bit easier we used to go Sauter and ice bath in the morning, but I think it's just, it fucked me by the end of the day. So by the time we go on here, I'd just be exhausted. So sort of just at night, ice baths in the morning. Yeah, I did him, I did a Russian spa afternoon. I didn't know.

With the sticks? Yeah, we got, I didn't know. What the fuck is this, explain? That's what they're doing. I was in London. I was trying to keep up. I was in London for the weekend with my mate. And he was, I was around his birthday.

I was like, let's have a healthy weekend. Come and hang, watch the shows. It's great. the gym in the morning and I hadn't read the website and I do if I've known it was Russian. Like it is this place is a Russian banya. It is called banya. It's in Chiswick in West London. It is four Russians by Russians to the point where as we walked in you could tell us she was like, what the fuck, you're not Russian. Yeah. And it, yeah, too much. It was great. The, the hottest sauna I've ever been in. The biggest son of it, like an empathic, there was 37 Russians in.

And the same thing of like, well, you can't get in and go, that's too hot. Yeah. Because they're like, what the fuck? You're in, you sweat. Russians are training for hell, isn't it? Yeah, you'll die here. Die here.

And everyone that works there, this is for rest and relaxation. Yeah, but it's between 903. They gave us these little, like, uh, fucking hats that make you look like garden gnomes. Yeah. And they were like, okay, now you wear this. He's so hard. It comes from ceiling. You have to wear it.

Yeah. Well, my mate Bondi was like, I'm not, I'm not fucking wearing this. within 15 seconds we were both like yeah fuck that I've got a stupid hat on tiny those little felt hats save a bit of ambient temperature so then your body can get up to a high tent

without fucking out so that's a heat regulator there and on the back of your neck so they cover the back of your neck and the top of your head so they take it up to 10th we cook brisket at what fucking 107 like low and slow barbecue

so like you're not far off at 103 that's great and also they shouted at you all afternoon they were like now you go cold plunge and you're like and then they bash you with these big bunches of willow which smashes heat into you

in the sauna but it also has tiny lacerations on your body which then give some form of anticeptic bacterial fucking fighting thing and then after about 10 minutes you start overheat you're lying there getting twited with a branch and you're like how you're not fucking lay them out

you're about because they are the biggest concern low dick those honestly you're like oh leave treatment it's probably quite hippieish they are XKGB bounce looking motherfuckers in their speedos, and they clearly hate you for paying for this treatment that makes them do this.

You can tell with the way they hit you with it. After about 10 minutes, you start going, I'm so hot. And you start thinking, like, I've never had a proper panic attack, but you can feel you're going up the sort of, the ladder towards a panic attack. And I think they know that. So they get seaweed, wet seaweed out of a bucket,

and just waterboard you with it. Just put it on your face. Brilliant. How much should you pay for this? 416 quid for this. genuinely we came out I hadn't read the website my mate Bondi

he'd just gone oh yeah we'll go and he came out he's covered in bits of leaf and he went what the fuck is this and I went I don't know

and he was like can we just go and we genuinely considered running away from our own spa afternoon and the reason we didn't is because I don't think they would have let us

I think they'd just chase us down the high street like you're not fully relaxed it was such a weird and then by the end of it you're like oh I'd do that again But at the time, it's just a fucking ordeal.

Yeah, that's sort of class. Fuck, you know where I went out, you could buy some pretty cool shit for there. You get some pretty other wild shit done to you. You could rent a Russian and just have him do it at home. Pussy. Duncan, didn't you try and raise money to find MH317? Oh, you've done your research. This is an interesting.

What the fuck is MH3? The Malaysian Airlines fight. I thought that was another peptide. That's kind of class. What is it? do. Because I'm not a conspiracy theorist, but I'm interested in the show. And I love that case.

Yes, the newsflash, we didn't find it. Yeah. You don't say. But how did you get the coordinates? Well, so it was, yeah. So we ended up, there was a crazy guy that had looked on some old, like, Google Earth images. And he'd found a spot around Mauritius where it looked like there was just a bunch of

of debris in the water. And of course, updated the Google with images all the time. And so he started making a little bit of noise about it. And then my co-host at the time sort of got in touch with them. And then he was like, well, fuck, you've got to go and check it out. Like jump on a plane and fucking, you know, go and have a look. Anyway, so old mate says, okay, I swear I'm going to start saving some money.

And I'm going to go and check it out sort of thing. And then he goes to leave and gets stopped at the Australian customs and wasn't allowed to go. So at this point, they're like, he knows something. Duncan's old co-host like he's legit now obviously there's something being covered up they don't want him to discover so that's when they're like

let's fucking take him and our whole thing was like what happens if he's the crazy guy in the movie when he's saying this fucking thing's going to happen to everyone else like you're fucking crazy it's like sometimes the crazy guy's right so then we fundraised $47,000 of this money what was the plan where he's going to go in a dingy

well bearing of mind just as a short side quest Dung's co-host disappeared to Bali and never came back, turned his phone off like... So that's another story. And that's how I got J, but anyway. That's how I ended up in the job.

So he's a fucking operator this guy. So he Malaysian airlineed himself. Or did he? Maybe they found out what he was doing in for him. We haven't found him either. So we get on the plane and we manage to get a bloke who's got this fucking underwater camera that can go to like

100 metres or whatever so he was like, I'll come if you pay for my flight so we get him, we'll fly out fucking long way to go, land in Mauritius get to our accommodation, by this stage little do we know that the Mauritius government actually knew we were there because when we went into a local radio station to talk about it

they told us that they'd been told that they were keeping an eye on us and I was like, hang on a minute like are we going to get fucking off here? Anyway so we like go out for our first day and it was pretty fucking rough and we turn up to this boat that we'd pre-hired and the fucking picture of the boat looked mint.

When we turned up it fucking did not. It looked like I was going to fucking sink three metres into the trip. And we're going like 30, 50 miles off the coast. Get out there, it was pretty fucking rough in the first day. Didn't really see a hell of a lot. But where we were looking was between a small island and the sea goes up from like 400 metres up to like, say, 30 metres. so we were kind of looking around where we had range with this fucking camera or whatever

went back in had a day off got fucking horrifically sick then I was like have we been are fucking dying have we been poisoned from the fucking hotel room staff like everything's going through your head sort of thing and also at the same time we're navigating all the emails from work because they were quite worried about Somali pirates it'd be so amazing if you went missing on this trip they'd have to send more DJs after you just like the old woman who was like swallowed the fly The Bermuda Triangle

Radio hosts So we had a day off to recover from the Like being really really fucking crock At this time the Mauritius Navy knew where we'd been apparently And we went out there for another day looking And we saw some shit on the bottom That could have been, couldn't have been

Don't know But there definitely wasn't a whole fucking plane there Put it that way And then And yeah, then we went home. Yeah, then it was just a big trip home sort of thing with fucking coming home. Absolutely empty-handed. And turned out

the crazy guy was fucking wrong. Just ban through 50 grand of everybody us's cash for shit. But I can tell you this. So when we look, when they started, mate, the worker was like, fuck, we had so many meetings about the red tape. Like, it was funny they even let us go because they were like, you know, what happens if you die? We had to sign all these fucking forms.

Then we're saying goodbye. What happens if you die is an amazing email to send it out? It was like, they had to think of all worst scenario and we went we actually went down the route of getting some hired fucking guns guns out of South Africa to sit on our plane just in case with the Somali pirates game because he fly Somali pilot Somali pilots

We're having four stripes on the shirt that I'm the captain now Excuse me It's like when zombies started running in it They've really got up a notch It's so much more terrifying But for 18 grand US You can get a guy that can bring AK-47s and a rocket launcher into Mauritius

So how much, sorry? 18,000 US So it could be on the ground for two days Which I actually didn't think was too bad So nine grand a day for a guy with a rocket launcher And an AK-47 I'm so glad Adam's not here Because he'd already be booked

For the next special we record Yeah, like my podcast doesn't earn that sort of money But you guys do, let's get a rocket launcher in here And a guy who knows how to you? So I was quite keen on that because I mean having you know like not been there before I was like you see the shit all the time I was like maybe I don't know if this is a real threat or not but it looks like a shit time if they turn up sort of thing anyway with yeah it's not like ecotourism that's fucking wrong way I've said but you can you can

you can you can jump on boats to hunt Somali pirates that they bait them through these these shipping lanes and you pay whatever it was a maid of house. I think it's the Russians again, that sounds like Russian shit. We do spa afternoon or, you know, bat's Somali pilots. We go hit pirate with big branch.

Can we not say it's a made of ours? It's a guy we know. A friend of a friend of a friend. Basically, it was nine grand, eh? It was a match. It was fucked. They give you all the weapons and everything.

You park up behind a bunch of sandbags on a real slow-going fucking ship and they just come whistling in they wait till they get real close and they go, Radio boys, light them up. Yeah, so we were talking about, we were talking about,

this is the dark tourism. We were talking about, before you got here, we did a, we did two sections and we ended up talking about dark tourism and a lot of it just sounds pointlessly dangerous.

I want to go, mate, get me on a fucking tanker with a milling on. Bais, boys, there's a very hot sauna. Fucking getting it.

All my Russian boys. Get them branched up. I want to turn up with like a fun weather. and I want like a medieval catapult and a crossbow. Just like to go fucking, yeah. Throwing spares in a boat. It'll get to that point. When you go from normal rifle hunting

and then you really want to test yourself so you become a bow hunter, that's I reckon that there'll be that progression. But we know other people that have been, this is back in the day. I'm just going to say that just to give us a little bit of wiggle room. In Vietnam, you could get a rocket launcher

and shoot a cow with it. Yeah, I've heard of those. Thailand, yeah. And so they basically, these guys that we knew took off. And they're, they're like, this are pissed up. It's like 3 o'clock in the morning. And they're like, do you want to go on shooting cow with a rocket launcher? And they're like, fucking wicked.

And so they lay under a tarpaulin for like an hour and a half, not knowing where they're going. And like, sobering up, finished the last kind of changs under the tap. And we're like, no one knows that we've gone. And we've paid these guys like 100 US each to do this. We could just be getting driven into the jungle to be shot ourselves. Like this is banged up a broad episode of writing itself at the moment. Anyway, they arrive there.

They pass in the rocket launchers, and they get one round each. And it's a hundred years of this round. And they fucking drag this poor old bony cow out. They tied up to a stake like Jurassic Park. In the first way... Tide up feels unfair. At least let it have a fight in chaps in it. Tying the cow up feels like taking the piss.

Yeah. Oh, yeah, it was fucking bad. They put lingerie on it, and he's trying to humiliate it. He lines this thing up, and he isn't prepared for the kick on it. So he goes, he shoots a sing. and it fucking goes way over the top of the cow and everyone that was with him was like ah fuck and he's like

was that bad and he's like there's a village like 50 metres behind you you might have to go and pay all the families off of this fucking village you just put a rocket launcher into and he's like oh this is how we're getting it fucked here and so the next one they're like get someone to hold it up hold the back of it up

so you can have a crack at this cow any of those five of them they all shot at this cow fuck all of them missed but you can clearly see where people have got them there's shit everywhere the cow getting dragged out knows that it's fucked because there's just body parts

fucking all around it he said it was the grimmest thing he's ever been on but yeah all of them missed not a single one so they just fucking let the cow back off the stake and drag it back out

and get to live another day you can do it with people you can do it with people yeah you can hunt people you can go to countries and pay and hunt people what the fuck yeah the way that people

they offer cows if you pay them more they will get you a person and they'll just let them into the forest and you can hunt them and hang hang on You can Google that every once But I promise you that to think

I'd write I'd write you to believe him They will get Hands getting thrown in the back They will get like a homeless person Or like somebody who's like No one's gonna They made a movie about that back in the 90s

Yeah Yeah I'm too vegetarian to shoot the cow We'll let alone people Would you rather shoot the person Over the cow as a vegetarian Because you're an animal lover I'd shoot the person over the cows But I'll shoot the bony old cow

Like fucking what you want about I'm not psycho Is that a thing? Apparently people did it during the Bosnian war. It was called the Sarahevo. Oh yeah, it was a big thing in Bosnia. That's the genocide again. That's all genocide. Yeah, well all bets are off in a genocide

in it, like, you know. Once there's a genocide going on, fucking have at it. Fill your boots, lads. I would. We've been looking at playing in 2027. Would it be amazing? It turns out you're amazing shooting rocket launches as sort of just randomly.

The champion. That'd be a bastard of a jacket, by the way. You've actually made visiting Rwanda seem like the safer option. Well done, boys. Well done. Yeah, there's a question. I said,

I would rather injure Dan with a gun. Like, injure him, not kill him, than kill an animal. Like, I love hunting. So I'd fucking,

I'd fucking, I'd take animals every day. Hey, this, one, more context. My business partner, my,

one of my best friends, not a gun shooter. I'm good with a gun now. I've showed that. I've seen it online. I've seen, you can see it online. I'm good.

He thinks he's the fucking sniper. I'm like, Chris Kyle. You're fine. He's like, I'll shoot you in the leg like it's fucking nothing. Like it's a scratch.

Like you're through and through just like, you know. You have no idea where my arteries are. I just shoot you to the car. I shoot you to the car. But in this hypothetical, you're guaranteed not to die.

Yeah. If I could shoot you and I knew you weren't going to die, I might just do it for a laugh. An old... And the turkey was an old king pee, end of life turkey. Like,

not even good enough for Christmas. I'm not killing any animal over it hurting you. Brilliant. I've got my leg blown off. I'd rather shoot you in the legs than to like kill a fly. Yeah? It's nice to hang out with you guys. I need some new mates. The hippocry causal thing is I'm not a veggie at all.

Yeah. But like I'm an animal lover, so I understand. He loves them. I love them too. That fucking delicious. Yeah. But I could, in no world could I watch your hunt? What is it on?

Anything. Yeah. So I had to eat them, though. So I'm a spear fisherman. Oh, see, don't see it that, I respect, because you're not just doing it for the game. You're doing it for... No, fuck, no. We shoot ducks every year.

I just went out hunting the week before we came. I'd call it armed tramping when I don't come back with anything. But, yeah, there's a specific deer that I'm going after. Yeah, see, it's ethical. We've got heaps and heaps and heaps of the pest problems with deer, rabbits. The wild boar? I've seen the pigs. Yeah.

See, he's ethical. I'd be the same. If I was in Vietnam and they brought out the rocket launcher, I would blow up the cow, but then we'd have a barbecue. that's me A circle of life So do you ever hunt for game then? Do you ever hunt for the sport?

Ever? No, we don't hang No, we don't enhance us to kill shit. Oh, that's good. Yeah, I think like, you know, like that's good. Like, all like meat is for the enjoyment though, in it? Like, you know, because you don't have to eat meat. It's just for the pleasure of it.

Yeah, I think that's a weird ethical line to draw. Just enjoy it. If you go on to kill stuff, kill stuff, I don't get my fuck. You guys sitting there doing it. Like, oh, I'm eating it afterwards. Like, that feels like taking the piss. Like, if I got me. I wouldn't want them to eat me afterwards.

It's like, just bury me. I don't think it's better. Some people would probably play good money for that though. Have you guys seen that dude driving across Africa and a Toyota Yaris? No. So, fuck. So we talked about him on the podcast the other week. And so he's driving through Ethiopia and some...

Everyone's hunting him. Fuck it looks like the shit of Simon's in the worst car ever. And then there's like Ethiopian blokes pop out of the fucking bush with AK-40. seven to start shooting at him. Yeah, they'll do that. And so it goes through the back. They're running their own tourism. There's just a podcaster with him.

He's like, how much is this? Just looking for international plates. There you go, boys. Fucking 20 bucks. Oh, fuck, he's a sitting duck. Because that car's so slow and so fuck from going over all these random roads. He's from Buxton.

Yes. So he messaged me this morning on Instagram because we talked about it. So he gets shot through the back window. And then he's like, fucking puts the hammer down. And they keep shooting at him. and one of the bullets goes off the road and up through the floor pan and into his fucking ankle. Straight to his heel, it's parked right in his back of his foot.

So then he's like, fuck what, they're going to chase me down. So I've got to just turn off the road and drive into the bush. And so he's sitting there bleeding out in the middle of fucking nowhere trying to figure out what his next player. So he's obviously popped out the other side of that

because he's fucking messaged me on Instagram. That was just, he was shot by locals that are just trying to rob him. And then so after that, you're pretty gun shy. And so as he's fucking, as he's going through customs or moving from border to border, he took the wrong turn.

And then the customs officers jumped out and they had guns, but they looked like the guys that were shooting him anyway. And just because you've got a uniform, doesn't mean, fuck all in places like that. Yeah, yeah. And so he was like, oh shit, here we go again. And they laid his car up as well.

Fuck. To blow out and shoot his wheels out and blow his tires. But they have to crack at him. Fuck. They just shit at shooting. Oh, dude. Like if there are any Visit Ethiopia on Everton's arm

Next year I can see it Right boys we're gonna have a break And we'll be back shortly We were just talking about Some of the Lost in Translation stuff That you get When I've been to the New Zealand

Comedy Festival three times So I've spent three weeks in Auckland Three times I also got flown down To Queensland Wicked Which is class We did Wellington as well We did Wellington

Went to Halifax Just over it on the Is that right? No No Halifax. Hamilton? Hamilton.

Fucking Hamilton. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. And this is the city capital of New Zealand. No, it was until we had a really good festival somewhere else. Yeah. But if you called Dan and you, like a Kiwi who's never spoke to an English person, really, and I had to start introducing myself as din.

I just had to do the, I had to do the accent because too many Kiwis were going, Dan, Dan, they've got a fucking speech impediment. It's all they do. It's Dan. Yeah. It's Dan. We find that because the way that we speak, it's kind of, it's just a regressed version of English, basically.

And kind of cockney rhyming slang-ish, but we just talk and riddles a little bit. The American numbers on our podcast are going through the roof because they all have to listen twice to fucking hear what we're saying. And so it's like the perfect marketing. Yeah, there's a lot of that stuff with Americans. I went to America, tried to bomb a fag, got hepatitis C. Whoa.

It'll get you. Have you got a new special coming out with that level of fire? Speaking of fantastic comedy. Yeah, I've got a new special called Allegations coming out on the 13th of September at midday. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the name of the special. Look, I'm going to blow the opening joke of it here,

but the reason it's called allegations is so that now, when you Google the phrase, Rob Mulholland allegations, all you find is my specials. at the tour and all your brain and everything else will be buried down

pushed down at the internet that's a smart guy but yeah it's coming out on midday on September 13th I think it's a very very funny special and I'd like it if people would watch it

when you do a podcast with Freddie Quinn it's really good to sort of safe proof the future in it yeah yeah yeah this is it like the guy I do a podcast with is seconds from death

at all times it is the least healthy man I've ever met and I've financially tied myself to this lumbering oath who was about to zone sleeping, so his sleep in the evening and he's fucked us back that bad.

He sleeps at his dining table. Yeah, just with his head on his hands, slumped over his... He goes to bed. What the what? He's less than 40. He's like, what? Yeah, he's the same age as me. He's two days younger than me.

And he can't, uh, he can't be horizontal anymore because he sat down wrong. Oh, he was a right-hanger man. Yeah, this guy's absolutely fucked. That is how he goes to bed. No pants on. Hoodie. Puzz his hood up and goes his head of him. He's just a head of him.

He's just a head of him. He wins himself at the table. Yeah, yeah, basically. Yeah, like he's just a really big fat, unhealthy gay guy, and that's her do it with, so yeah. You've pitched your trailer onto the fucking most broken truck either. Oh, God, yeah.

How do we fix them? Honestly, there are Yarisis going across Africa that are in better condition than this guy. Ethiopians wouldn't shoot him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on, guys. Just let him die naturally. It's like, if you go to Vietnam,

you can find him tied to a stick, you can shoot rockets at him. Fuck, so how many... It'd be an easy target, the fat, come. fascinated by this. So how long do you have been sleeping? I've been doing it

for about three months? About two months, yeah, yeah, yeah. Honestly, about two months he's been upright at the table. What the fuck? What's wrong?

Just, he's sat down wrong and his back fucked up. Genuinely, he just sat wrong and he got massive back spasms. And yeah, it's fucked.

It's because he's dead fat, but he's got no ass, so his body's like fucked. He's got like, he hasn't got an ass if you don't noticed. He's completely flat on his back except for the ripple

on the back of his neck. It's the only bit that protrudes out of his back sillet. All his ass is on his neck. Yeah, he's got an ars neck. He is a friend, by the way. He's a friend of us. Oh, yeah, I love the guy. He's one of my best friends.

He's genuinely concerned. So no drugs are touching the sides. He's tranquilising seven years of day. Oh, he's on all sorts of shit, mate. Honestly, he's so much nicer when he's on opiates, though. It's really lovely. Like, he was like, he came to, we were on a festival called Dead Meat, comedy festival, and he came to it, and he was opiated up to the bollocks.

And he was just lovely. It was really nice. It really changed his personality for the better. All the staff were going, can he be on smack all the time? Because he was just nice for once. I've noticed that with medicated comics. We've had one recently that we don't need to name. But like, when people are all of a sudden Medicaid,

you're like, wow, you're such a nicer company and a worse podcaster. He was getting wheeled around at a festival in his little wheelchair, looking all pathetic. And he went to our site manager. This is all so mint. Someone put a fucking pillow over us first. His name is Freddie Quinn, and he's a big fact. gay mong.

I fucking love him. What a lead. Tag him in this, please. We're going to do some have words. So basically people are messaging the bitch about someone or, and we either agree with them and have a word with them. You know what the fuck is going on. Della says, can you please have a word with my fellow Tom?

I'm naming him because I want to, I want him to know this is about. him. We're in London and we saw Bjork in a bookshop and I wanted to go over and say hello and get a photo and he kicked off. Oh, Rob, come on. And he kicked off so much saying she would always be bothered by fans and we should just leave

her be. It's not Taylor Swift. So I decided to keep him happy and we left it and now I don't have a cool pick with fucking Bjork. Have a word. You could take a picture with any woman in the street and say it was Bjorn. No. No. York has a look and a

She had a look maybe 30 years ago. What are you talking about? You don't know what Bjork looks like now. Of course! I fucking do. I would recognise Bjork. But there's a lot of Icelandic and Finnish people who look like that, at what I say. You know, you can go to like, if you're near the Arctic Circle,

he all look like that. She looks like a stingray. She looks like a shrimp on there. She looks like a stingray. Does she say, does she say, Sue? She does look like, she looks like she takes Nemo to school. Yes. What a wild take.

One of the most, like, individual... Oh, my. She looks like no other cunt. And you're like, oh, it's fucking everyone looks like Bjork. And also, that's fine, but it's Bjork. I mean, fair enough, you don't think it's cool,

but she's into it. John Borg, maybe. She didn't want to be bothered. Fucking order your books online. Yeah. So she's fair game. I think she's probably at a level two where she's on that dead cat bounce

where she's had that whole level of fame and then she probably wouldn't mind a couple of pictures. She's like cult famous now. I don't think she's like wildly. Although have you seen the footage of her deck in a journalist outside of an airport? Because this journalist was like stalking her and her family wouldn't leave her alone

and basically like she got off her plane in some random country and this fucking paparazzi was there. She just fucking leathers her. Well maybe she's done enough. Maybe she's done enough. Maybe she's taking enough photos. She deserves to have a fucking break room. I get the feeling with Bjork

that she wasn't somebody wanted to be like, famous, she was just like wanted to make weird music. And also, like, she came out of the Icelandic scene where no one was getting big. She used to be in a punk band in Iceland. I went to the Icelandic punk museum a couple years ago. I've got such weird, specific knowledge that I have landed on on this podcast.

It's insane. But I've literally been to a museum that was 50% about Bjork. And the rest were singer-off? Yeah, no, no. Like, it was all like the punk bands because she was a singer in a punk band in Iceland. And I don't think you start an Icelandic punk band thinking you're going to be world-famous.

you know, there's only 30 people on the fucking island. I think you're absolutely right, though. The one you want is the folk, we've talked about it before, the photo of someone you really give a shit about, but their celebrity is waned a little bit, so they're not constantly pested. I'm not joining a cue for a fucking selfie.

I want to be the only one who gives a fuck. That's the sweet spot. Is any celebrities that you've got that are the ones where you go? Because when you work in radio or you're podcasting, your men would be cool enough to just sort of let them slide. But is there any celebrity you'd be like,

I don't give a shit. You've met Kanye West. Yeah, we sat like this. After he stole the microphone off Taylor Swift at the fucking music award. So fine, yeah. That's Pete Kanye as well. Yeah, and they were still fucking teen off.

So we, long story short, it's a bit of a punishing yarn, but we went to interview awards in New York. We were basically, we were the cheapest team to fly around the world. So wherever they could be fucking. an MTV team, they'd send us. And so obviously there's MTV UK. It was, what's his name, Cash? Tim Cash was host at the time before that Russell Brand.

And so we turned up and they did this massive media day with this hall. And there's like 200, 300 people go through it. You'd interview artists, movie stars, whatever. You've got this tiny little bay. You knock him through. And so Sway, who's MTV fucking legend came through and was like, oh, MTV New Zealand. This is awesome. You guys, what are you doing after the show?

I'm having a party, you should come to my party. I'm like, okay, cool. And he goes, I'll put your names on the list. There's only three of us, Malo Me, producer cameraman. So we go to the awards. Taylor Swift gets her award. Kanye's sitting in front of us. He goes, fuck that and gets up out of his chair.

And there's a rule where they don't stop any talent going on stage. And so they probably changed it since then. And he rolled up and he goes, I'm going to let you finish. But Beyonce had the greatest video of all time. And then kind of handed it back to it. And he was sitting with Beyonce and Jay-Z. and Amber his chick at the time. And so came back and it all teed off

and he goes, well, I'm not going to fucking sit here and let them do that to you. And she goes, you just fucking ruined her moment. And then it was a scene. And I was, like, well, that's fucking spicy. You got to listen to the argument that everyone knew was out there. Yeah. Could like Beyonce was going to go, oh, thanks, mate. Yeah, nice people.

Made me look cluster. Cheers, yeah. And so then we went to this. I mean, he was right. He was, you know, he was right. The Beyonce video was well better. But anyway, that's not the point. So we went to find this after party after we wrapped up filming.

We turned up and there was a line down the street like two and a half blocks long to get into Sways after party. So we joined the back of this line and there's not a fucking single European person in this line. It's African American only in this line. And we're like, fuck. And my cameraman goes, he said he put out names on the door and I was like, we're not fucking blitzing this line to go to the front. And it's like, well, I'm not going to fucking stand here all night to find out that we're not on it. And so we're like, okay, so we walk straight past all these people and we walk up to the door. and the door's got this African-American guy

that would fill that whole double doorway like plus three other fuckers that look exactly the same just copy-paste copy-paste copy-paste and he just fucking didn't even bother he didn't even bother looking at us or saying a word he just goes boof and we're like, Sway's put us on the door

MTV New Zealand and until we said MTV New Zealand he just wasn't even looking at it's oh shit yeah fucking come on in because everyone in the line was like fuck these guys what are they up to and so we walked in and sways djane and he just ripped everyone looked at us like fucking record scratch turned around and he pulled it down and we got these fucking horrible like horrible looks and he's like MTV New Zealand's in the house and everyone was like

yay and then it was like well I've got your seat up top go and sit in this booth and so we turn up and the person walks us through and walks us into this booth upstairs and it's jZ biontie canya amber still arguing about this thing and they're like you're in here and we're like Oh, fuck. And the host, like, can I get you some drinks? I'm like, oh, you know, we're just, like, we're his guests, they're his mates, but we're just not on the fucking same,

we're not even in the same solar system, let alone the fucking friend. Imagine if MTV New Zealand, listen, this is lovely, but can we be sat away from Jay Z, Beyonce and Kanye, please? Yeah. And then the rumours going around,

Squays, entourage, like, MTV New Zealand are really, like, big, dude, is it too cool for school. So we sat down, got introduced to them and they're like, hey, hey, hey, like went through the formalities. But also they're mid-conversation, then some serious shit's kicked off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But they're still fucking arguing about.

So the last thing they want is three fucking blow-ins just sitting next to them listening to their conversation. Blow-ins? I just fucking tourists that have just turned up. That's another little lost interest. Oh, yeah, of course. And so we sat down and they're like, can you get us a drink?

They're like, what can we get you to drink? And they had like bottles of champagne and shit and vodka on the thing. we're like, can we just get three beers? And then it was like, well, this is fucking niggly. We've got a whole bunch of, we've got a bar sitting in front of you, and you want the shit that we don't have in the bar. And so they fucked off and got us three bears,

and we chared them and just fucking sat there silently, sipped our bears and we're like, fucking, was that the time? It's at all right? Lovely to meet you. And they just, they hadn't paid any attention to us the whole time. I'll go, sweet. See you later.

And we just, like, let's get the fuck out of here. You should show on the selfie. Guys, just between you. I know you go in the middle or something but I'm a huge fan. Have you ever seen double dutch when it's going real quick and you wait to jump in?

But you're in the middle of like one of the biggest pop culture moments of the life. Obama talked about it like the nap? Oh yeah. You were there, you were like backstage? We were shoehorned into a fucking real shitty situation.

It probably wouldn't have been much better if that had to happen though. No, it still would be weird for you to be plopped into that group. I mean, no offense guy. Not long common ground. Yeah, totally. And those are the weird situations

that you get yourself into in the job, like even this, and you qualify to be in the situation, but you're not qualified to be part of the conversation. Yeah, sure. And so that's, yeah, the amount of times you just sit there with famous people and take photos for them with fans or, you know, like... Yeah. But how long did you work with MTV?

You did a shit. All right, okay. So there's a lot of that going on. This was the peak, like, the wildest, the wildest shit that you could get into. Like, we're just about got a fucking arrested by the army in Germany and German. we've had knocked out by Jared Lido in the red carpet in Madrid.

I know you've told the story he's times with the fucking Jared Lino story is a fucking great one. Not a man you want to be unconscious around. Jared Lido fucking hates Jack. Oh, amazing. Oh, you must have...

Look, like obviously, look, when a horrible crime is reported, it's sad, but if the person doing it is someone you already hated, you like, yeah, I knew it. You don't want to lose a hero, but lose a twat. Losing an enemy to that.

Please come to hear that. Jared Lowe. I know you're, listen, if you're a lot of tune in, they'll be like, we've heard this. But we fucking haven't and I'm excited. So when I first got the job at MTV, the first, within like a week of getting the job, and bear in mind, I was a cooking teacher

at a high school before getting this job. I had no training to do media. And so I got the job because I was getting paid in sausages and beer on a pro-longwood tour. And the chick who worked at the BBC, then became the producer for MTV. So she was like, I know this guy, he could do the job, piece of piss.

So we go over to Australia, we're on the red carpet, and I bought this, like, an American marching band blazer, which I later found out as like a fucking U.S. Marines honorable service blazer, which is fucking terrible. Go for some stolen valour? Yeah, massive. And so I had this blazer. I was like, well, this will look pretty cool on the red carpet.

So we land on the red carpet. I land in Australia, go to the red carpet, and Jared Leto 30 seconds of Mars is there to perform. Also get an award. And so we're towards the entrance, so the carpets may be, 100 meters long. Anyway, we're leaning out over the, leaning out over the tape, just trying to catch everyone's attention. And he's just kind of looking around, going through the motions and looks up and sees me in this jacket and just fucking beelines for me. And I'm like, this is

wicked. Like pretty much one of the first interviews that I get is Jared Leda. This is fucking awesome. And he just comes rolling up to me. He goes, nice jacket. And I was like, oh, thanks, mate. Hey, suddenly goes, fucking where did you get it? And I'm like, oh, this place called the copper kettle and Nati, it's his secondhand store in the middle of fucking nowhere. in New Zealand. And he's like, hmm, it's fucking convenient

because my bag went missing flying into Sydney and I've got the same fucking jacket in my bag and what are the fucking chances the level of paranoia revolved

in that he's managed and I was like like you've worn it to mock him like ha ha not only will I steal his jacket but I will interview him in a yeah

and so he doesn't believe so I sort of explain it to him he doesn't believe it and I was like, mate, fucking, he was like, oh, I was going to perform that jacket. And I was like, you can borrow mine. He goes, take it off. So I took it off.

And then in the back of it, it's obviously a different jacket. He clicks and then he calms down. He's like, oh, he's sweet. Thanks. And I was like, the office stands, mate, whatever. So his person comes back and goes. So he actually would like to wear the jacket for the thing. Because he'd been, like, when you've got your costume for performing in

and he goes missing, it's a shit fest. So long story short, he gets the jacket, where is it. We could go backstage, catch up with him afterwards. and he's quite a relatively nice guy about the whole thing. I was like, you're going to have a jacket, mate. Australia's been shit to you, but New Zealand's going to be better. We'll remember this.

Then fast forward a couple of years. He comes out to New Zealand to do a show, people that I know that were on the show with him because his brother, Shannon's a real nice guy. And so he's like, I'll come along to the gig. So turn up at this gig, and there's this chick there, who's this American model. And he's married or whatever.

I'm unfamiliar that he's running a little bit of a sidecutter with this bird. She's cold, just the middle of New Zealand winter. So I lend her my jacket to wear. And so he comes off stage and there's his chick wearing my jacket. And he's like, this motherfucker. It's the fucking you again. So I'm unaware of this fact that they sort of see each other. Me and that birdie know having a meaningful one-night relationship

because she's obviously wanting to have a chip at him known that he's fucking really taken aback by me being in his, you know, in his fucking zone. Jacket, that's fucking that. That really sours the relationship. And then about another year later, because he finds us out after the fact, another year later in Madrid,

he fucking is walking the red carpet again. And once again, sees me and goes, this motherfucker is set up to taunt me in life. So he comes racing in. And my producer's like, he's going to fucking punch him. Start rolling, roll, roll, roll, roll.

Because we want to get... Yeah, you want the foot. You want to have a swing at J. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not a fucking dick. Same thing again, just went through this fucking awkward conversation where he's trying to like fucking step me out while we'd meet an interview in the thing.

So have a good time in New Zealand, too? I was like, yeah, had a good time in New Zealand, you have a good time in New Zealand? But was unaware of the fact that only found it afterwards that basically that was, because they still thought it was the jacket thing, not the fact that I'd pump his missus in New Zealand. So that's Jared Leto Zero J three. That's why he fucking hates me.

I love the fuck. That on the third. time. He must meet so many people in the press and he's clotching gone, this fucking prick. Orgon he actually puts his head on the pillow some nights and it's like, fuck, I still hate that guy.

That's fucking awesome. Completely out of my control, just so like a comedic set of circumstances which continually led to him fucking hating me. All of the while, you don't really give a shit. And he's getting more and more wound up. Turn up at his court case.

In his jacket. Just in the viewing gallery in a fucking marching bad jacket. Like you're right, challenge! All the way he's round his misses. That is a podcast, boys. It's been a fucking pleasure. It's been awesome.

So go check out the Not for Radio podcast. It's amazing to get to say this to guess but good look at the stone skimming world championship. Yeah, it's genuinely rooting for it. you guys. Honestly, Jay's one of the biggest

ten asses like he's the golden boy. I wouldn't be surprised if he fucking wins. It would be amazing. One underdog story if you pulled it out and hit that back wall. Then we get to come here to another podcast. Just send the medal to Jared.

It keeps up to me. Thanks for having that said. I appreciate it. I really, really good stuff. Thanks for listening everyone. Thanks for standing in Rob. Thank you very much. Check out my special September 13th.

Allegations. YouTube. And that is a pod. Appreciate you all. Bye, Felicia.