Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #399 with Jake Patrick - Have A Word w/Adam, Dan & Carl

Episode Date: September 19, 2026

Tickets, merch and loads more available on our website! https://haveawordpod.comTickets for Have A Word Live shows as well as Adam and Dan's tours and previews:Adam's Tickets: https://www.adamrowe.co.ukDan's Tickets: https://dannightingale.comCarl's Stream || https://twitch.tv/senseicarl_Finnlay K FINAL GIG TICKETS || https://www.skiddle.com/whats-on/Liverpool/Jacaranda-Baltic/Finnlay-K-Farewell-Show/42670455/Film Club Live 9th September || https://plazacinema.org.uk/PlazaCinemaLiverpool.dll/Booking?Booking=TSelectItems.waSelectItemsPrompt.TcsWebMenuItem_0.TcsWebTab_0.TcsPerformance_24652102.TcsSection_1791Finnlay K - Whole Again: https://FinnlayK.lnk.to/WHOLEAGAINLIVEAs Adam and Dan said, don't miss out on all of our extra content, we've got one of the best value Patreons in the game. An extra 90+ minute episode every week plus loads of bonus content such as the now infamous Lockdown Lock-ins, the Nashville & Amsterdam specials and our Ghost Hunts! What are you waiting for? Sign up now at https://patreon.com/haveawordpod​Get subscribed to Have A Word Highlights: https://youtube.com/haveawordhighlightsThanks to this week's sponsors:Hello Fresh | https://www.hellofresh.co.uk/50HAWPODClick the link to enjoy an exclusive offer of 50% off your first box, along with a 20% discount for the next 4 boxes plus free treats (including fruit bundles) for 2 months. Alternatively, you can use our code 50HAWPOD. This special offer is available for new customers as well as those who cancelled their subscription twelve months ago or more.NordVPN | https://nordvpn.com/haveawordEXCLUSIVE NordVPN Deal ➼ https://nordvpn.com/haveaword Try it risk-free now with a 30-day money-back guaranteeLovehoney | https://lovehoney.co/word_podcastLove how you love and take 20% off sitewide to unlock sexual happiness and discover a happier you with promo code: AFF-WORD20Saily | https://saily.com/haveawordDownload SAILY in your app store and use our code HAVEAWORD at checkout to get an exclusive 15% off your first purchase or go to https://saily.com/haveaword 🌍HexClad | https://hexclad.co.uk/word10Upgrade your kitchen. Up to 40% off site wide!ADAM ROWE and DAN NIGHTINGALE are two award winning comedians from Liverpool & Preston, respectively. They are two of the UK's most highly regarded stand-ups and have both performed all over the world. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Go Ed, get on me Welcome to this episode of the Have a Word podcast With me, comedian Dan Nightgale comedian Adam Rowe and comedian Carl Regler With Finn, Finn, Rob, Stu, Josh All the Boys There's three stand-up comics in the room now? Can I claim that?

What? Can I claim, if you've done it? You've done it? Yeah, I've done it. If you've done a murderer, you're a murderer? Yeah. That's the analogy. I'm Elton John as well then, yeah.

Why? Because I've done Elton John. You've had to correct yourself from saying done Elton John. Yeah, because I was like, sounds good. No, but you're not Richard Pryor. You're also a singer, yes? Okay, so because I've, I haven't retired. yet. I'm technically an act of comic.

You're a comedian, singer, podcaster. Fucking hell, mate. Yeah, do a bit of everything you have. Any feathers to my hat. Oh. Thank you, oldest man in history. I, uh, I'm delirious, I think. I feel weird.

Eddie Murphy? Huh? You're Eddie Murphy. Richard Prydy's Eddie Murphy. You're stony. I just haven't readjusted to the UK's... It takes me fucking ages to get over a jet lag. I don't think it's a couple of days. It's like two weeks. Like, going west. Fine. Journey West. Fine.

I get over to America. It's all good. Land of 5 o'clock. Stay out till midnight. I have a couple of boozes. I have an eight-hour Kip. You're up. You're on American time. And it's exciting because you're on holiday in America. So it's all excitement. I mean, yeah, maybe. But it's also, when I went to Australia, it was fucking horrendous when I went to Australia.

I didn't adjust at all while I was there. But then when I came back, I was fine. Like, coming west, I'm all right. But I think you just a fight sleep. I'm in a funny little mood. bit jet lag delirious. It takes me ages. I remember India being

horrendous. Mexico was mad. My body just, I get to like 8 o'clock I'm like, it's bedtime. And I can't fight her. It's weird. How did you sleep last night? I just go in bed there, that, wouldn't it? I got in bed and I was like, oh God, I'm exhausted.

Because I got up at half, I wake up at half, I would Seneca when she goes to work. By the way, Carl's gig was last night just that, I wasn't just, how did you sleep last night? And it will be going, on Patreon.

Just to clear that up, we didn't do Carl's first ever stand-up gig and just have 350 people there and keep it a secret. It's going on pages. I woke up at half-five, like I do every day, and then usually she goes to work

and I go back to sleep and then I go to work. My body was like, no. So I was awake from half-five, and I was lagging. I had to have a red bull. And I got in bed last night, like, oh, God.

Donny? I'm tired and have great sleep and I was like, I'm going to put the Evert and highlights on. And then I watched another Everton video, and watched all of it, like all of footy stuff. I was like, I'm fucking out. And then I was like, fuck, that I looked at me think.

It was like quarter to two. Yeah, because you are tired, but you're wired. It's like that weird combo. You used to come home from a night out, and your legs are still dancing. Sorry? What? You know what I mean?

You got dancing legs. You come on back for a night out, but you, like, it's... I've heard of restless legs, but I've never had full-on, you know? Not like you'd be in bed and you still be like your body. What's the new syndrome? Dancing leg syndrome. Do you never get done? Carl, I'm trying to see.

doing the Charleston in bed? No, like, your legs are still, like, buzzing and... Restless legs? Yeah, and you're still a bit, like, fucking... Oh, it's officially a thing. And, like, your hearing's still a bit dull. Because, like, you've had loud. You're not ready for bed.

You're still, like, in... You're basically outside, but lying down now. That honestly sounds like you'd been doing ecstasy, and you had, like... I mean, the adrenaline I felt on stage. It went, yeah, you've had loads of stipes. I was like, uh, probably, yeah. Yeah. The adrenaline nearly...

I was worried for three minutes, I thought, because you also, you won't know this. And by the end of it, this had reversed. I was still pretty close to this age. You went white. Yeah. You were white. Oh, I couldn't see that.

I've done that before. And Steve was stood right next to me. You were so pale and had to take a couple of deep breaths. And then just absolutely smashed it. It's a thing where I was like, I know it's going to be fine. I know I've written good stuff. I know all these people love me. I know it's a, this is.

set up for me to succeed. Yeah. Like it couldn't be better for the first gig, it could have gone wrong. I don't see how, I couldn't see a world. I thought you were gonna pass out.

But you looked like, at one point, because the first deep breath you took, you went, the second one, as you inhaled, you closed your eyes. And I thought that was lights out.

I honestly was like, oh, he's in the death. Was he Amsterdam pale? Huh? Like when he went west in Amsterdam? Was he that fucking translation? Like exactly the same.

Right. But because you can't tell your physical fucking, you can't tell your body, you're okay, even though you are, your body's like, you need loads of adrenaline here because something's mad, something's weird. And I was like,

I don't need it, I'm okay. And then I kind of like, hand-fisted the first couple of jokes. I was like, whatever, that's the way it is. At least it's real. At least you can see me doing my first kick and I'm like, I'm too cool. I was like, at least I'm being real.

And then about five minutes in it, I was like, oh, I'm really comfortable here. I'm really enjoying this. These are so, the energy I got back. helped. Yeah. Also, really brave of you

because I know initially there was a plan to do a sort of gimmicky like I'm going to do every style of stand-off. I ain't ever did that idea. But you actually did some stand-up. You did some,

you wrote some bit. I, we were at the back. So me, Harry, so Alex, Adam's girlfriend, Alex and Trudy, Tom Stay's wife,

were in the same position next to the bar at the back. And then me, your Jack, Harry and Finn, were just doing these weird like figure eights around them. Because I couldn't stay still.

I was so like, you know, the restless legs thing through anxiety? So I did my opening bit. It was a normal comedy show. And usually there's a bit of tension before a gig, especially if it's being filmed, especially if it's a big one. It was an important one. As soon as you get off, that goes.

And it just didn't go. Yeah, because they're waiting on. I feel, why'd I feel like that? And I was like, oh, this is just for you. I just felt attention for you. And it stayed. And when you came on, you did a, like a set-up bit that didn't... Yeah, I'm so sad.

I didn't get to do that again. It didn't quite get across. And I was like, oh, I was like doing lunges. And you say five minutes, here's how it looked, looked like you took a couple of breaths that you needed in the right place, and everyone understands why. You literally went, ha, ha, ha, ha. There was almost this, like, oh, this is real.

Which everyone understood. I think that first, the first proper bit, I think it landed. And then there was some cracking lines. But I missed loads of bits in it because I was rushing and I fell out my head and I was like, oh, I've missed some punches there. So then when I was like,

I wish I could go back and fucking polish that up and make it better. But then like after like, Adam said I did 20, I could have done 50 or 10. I don't know. Oh, I didn't have a time on it. I knew it was more than 15. Weird. Obviously, you know more than me.

But after like five, 10 minutes, at all the adrenaline basically just like softened and I was like ah I've been on stage before been in front of these people before I'm very confident in what I've written and know it's funny and know it makes me laugh so it make them laugh you're well beyond what someone doing stand up for the first time

I put loads of effort in I've put so much effort into the right and I've deleted loads of stuff and I wrote loads of stuff the night before like I and it looked like you someone who'd properly prepared yeah and Danny Mac was great he helped me you know, his writing, like I feel like his voice is quite similar to man,

like the, so he helped me with loads of bits. That was amazing. I saw the bit where you got a laugh that you didn't quite ex- yeah, I went to speak over it, and I went,

don't do that. It's a fucking amazing thing with you, with when you write new material, you're like, oh, that's the funny bit. And I write that, but that's kind of funny. And then they think

the first bit that you thought was okay, it was just part of the buildup was a smasher. And it's such, it's mental because it sounds stupid, but getting a big laugh

where you're not completely expecting a big laugh can sort of make you, it can knock you off your rhythm a bit. Danny said to me before and he went, was it Danny? Might have been Hattie. I can't remember what it was. Now, when they're laughing, let them laugh. Yeah. Because obviously you want to get through your stuff. I've got a bigger joke now coming and then I was like, oh, I went to talk. I was like, oh shit, they're laughing. And I'll show. You were calling it. Yeah. It was great. I was so I was trying to just be authentically me. I wasn't trying to be too cool for school by going, this is easy. I was like, I want to show. I need to look at me notes because I'm not confident.

And I think that helped me because they were like, oh yeah, go for it. Yeah, but the other option there is, because what I did, and I think it's a solid bit of advice if you've never been on stage, is to make sure you know your stuff, like really know it so that you don't miss out anything. But what that does is make it more rigid. Yeah, yeah. Like if you're a bit more confident on stage, you have been on stage before. You are, I mean, I know this isn't on stage.

It kind of is. And you've done about 5,000 hours of this podcast away. whatever. I think you did a brilliant job of like being yourself and there was a looseness to it that was really cool to watch as well. You were getting the laughs but it wasn't, you didn't feel super rigid. No, I say that took a little bit because at the start, I panicked a little bit. I was like, I hope this goes away because I'm really confident when I've written. I hope my, you know, whatever doesn't ruin it and it didn't. But it was a weird set up. I couldn't see anyone. Like it was lit mad. I know spotlights are mad anyway. No, they were there. I didn't say it, but when we did

the, you did your sound check and then I turned up and I was on stage while they were sorting the cameras out and I thought, this is quite an intense set up with the lighting. And it looked cool on camera and in the room, it looked cool. But the way they had that strip of uplighting and the position of the main spotlights, kind of an intense one. You don't think about it, but where the lights are is important to how it feels for you on stage. It looked, pretty similar for the crowd. But I didn't say, what,

this feels a little bit because I just don't want to get in your head. Yeah, I know. And then I, like, before I,

there was a, a few things that I just had to not say because I didn't want to get in your head. Like Julia, who, you know, some of the listeners

will know is our dog says and one of our, like, really good mates. She was shitting herself for you, but fucking vocally. I know.

She said it when she walked in. And I, I had to say to her, A, he right now needs to think that we all think he's going to absolutely smash it and we're not worried at all.

And she was like, yeah, but you're not. And I was like, whatever you're doing, just go and talk to his sister about it, like make sure he doesn't hear it. The lighten, I was like, that is going to be quite intense. Like, it's proper. People were very intimate.

Yeah, and the truth, and this is not the fault of anyone, this just happens sometimes, is that they were relatively, especially for all of, they were a tough crowd. Yeah. Like they were like when I went on to do the pre-show thing

I was like oh they're a bit cold and I come off And I made sure I never went to you I went to Dan I was like they're a little bit cold And I text him when he'd come off and I was like You've just worked your fucking ass off there I saw that I shit myself as fair I went fucking hell Yeah they really needed like warming up

He did a great job Danny did a great job I thought Hattie was excellent Yeah she brought you She started building didn't it She really and I just When I went on I was like I'm just going to try and exuberate as much excitement as I can

and hope they catch it a bit and I think they did in the end and they were amazing for you but that first bit I was like oh they're, it's a tough crowd the lightens intense there's a lot of haze around I was like this is quite an intense

first gig especially in front of people who already know you're and I was like that's why I sort of left you alone and kept just checking on you being like you're good and then I'd go away and ask you a very quick question and be like off I go I just so well before Adam went on for the second section,

we were all sat in the dressing room, and everyone's looking at me like, I need to leave, because if I go to stand up and everyone knows, I'm going, that good luck, I didn't want that at all.

So I just like, I felt like everyone was, no, everyone was quite crazy, I just didn't want the attention. At one point, I didn't realize you were behind me. I was like,

I feel tense. I feel tense for him. And Harry was like, and I realized her behind him. And you went, what are you saying? I went, nothing, nothing.

So I hid behind the stage, basically to just do a bit of breathing, get me again in the game. And then he came back and he was like, you're right? No, no, like, not pandering. You go and I was like, yeah, I'm sound. And then if the curtain was see-through when he was on stage, it would be hilarious. Because I just fucking... Got your steps in. I just paced up and down.

I'm like, he's got five minutes to go. He's got two minutes to go. I'm on in 30 seconds. And then Tom Stade was there and Tom was being lovely because he's... Well, I did a story. You've heard quite a bit before. And I imagine there's quite a bit of the people in the room who heard that from on the murderous road to the story

of the night you and Seneca first got together. Yeah. So you knew the end of my story. You knew what the end was. So you're going as soon as that. I'm like, okay, there's 10. And I knew and I was like, oh, fuck, this is so insanely. And I dreaded this.

Like, dreaded it. Not dreaded it because I know it's a minute. I'm very lucky to get this opportunity to do this. Not when people get to do stand-up, especially like that. but I dreaded it. Of course. Pressure.

Dreaded it. Years of build up. To the point where I both, three or four months ago when we were putting the steps in to make this happen, like we were having meetings, like Steve's booking it with Will

and you're going to the venue. Did you nearly pull it? I would never have done it because I've got too much prior to do this, but I nearly went, boys, I don't know, I'm feeling what this, you know? And what would have happened there is

you'd have made me feel okay and talk me into it, but I really went, but I don't know, boys, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know if I feel about this. But I went, no, you're not allowed to do that. Fucking suck it up and do it. And that's what made me do it.

But, like, I was so close to just having a little chat with us. Well, I don't know how different you feel about this today, but one of the first things you said to me when you came off last night is that you want to do it again. I wanted, like, if we ever did an arena again, I think I'd like to do it there. Do you know what a mental situation you're in? Because if you went, do you know what, I've got the bug,

I want to do stand up, you would have to, go and get open spots at comedy clubs. Like, I could vouch for you for a few places. Adam could as well. But they're not going to pay you straight off. You have to go and do unpaid work. At the same time, you could go and do a sellout tour. You could, at the same time, probably do a 25-day tour around the country.

I just love to, if we ever did an event again, and for some reason, he was five minutes to fill. I don't love. I think we'd be able to find it, you know? I think I'd really like that. because it's such a fucking dick swing, in it? I've done an arena. I've done two gigs.

Like, and it's silly. I fucking loved it. But I felt alive last night. Like, I'm dead proud of myself. I don't, I don't tie myself and pride of myself a lot because, you know, what we do is, like, you move on to the next thing.

Yeah. But I got in bed last night. I was like, oh, fucking well in. I was like kind of like, also the crowd. I know they were tough, but they weren't tough in a, like, there's tough crowds

where you're like, God, you're in a fucking mood. I think there was a tension in the room of like, it's Wednesday. That's what it was. feel this sometimes with our lot. They're like, I just want it to go well. Can you just do it?

I try and do crowd work and they're like, please be nice. Don't. They gave me such a laugh. It's a room full of autistic introverts and their bids. Yeah. By the time you walked on, that was such a pop.

And they were so good as a crowd. Like the laughs, like I understand that. That's probably turned up a little bit because of who I am and who they are. But the laughs they gave me, I remember when I did Stars in their Eyes, the first time I did the chorus,

Joe, when they gave you the, then he gave you the back. I was like, oh, fuck. They're into this. I can do it. And when I gave me the laughs back, I was like, oh, they're into it.

They're just going to let me do it. And I've, like, genuinely, you know, it sounds silly when you're the crowd and the act will go, you've been amazing. Like, they literally were.

Yeah. So fucking good for me. And I gotta give props to Matty and the tech team. Like, Rob and the management content are incredible. And they've accommodated everything we've thrown at them in the last. I love that place. Like, Bongo right down to it like they're so sound but that tech wise was so well done how the room was

set up yeah it I walked in and went wow it's not it's not it's not bongo's bingo yeah I went there in the day and this is how good rob is it was essentially their operations manager at the venue isn't he love I I turned up and Will was like yeah this is the camera hang of this this this and this and I was there for about 15 minutes and I was like this all looks good and then I looked at the tables they had and they weren't the ones that were there in the end and I went at will these tables are too big. They're way too big. And we need to get rid of them.

Like corporatey, big round tables. And I was like, and he was like, these are kind of the ones that, like, if you look at the seat map, that I showed you,

like, because originally they were meant to be even bigger. And we went, we went down to this, but this is the size that fills the room. And I went, look,

there's no other way for me to say this, then these tables will negatively impact the atmosphere in this room. And we really would be better just road seat in it. And Will was like, yeah, but on camera, especially for these front rows, the tables will just look a lot cooler. And that's obviously all Will really cares about is what the film's going to look like.

And Rob sort of over there, doesn't he was like, do you want like smaller tables? You get like in a Petit Cafe or something. And I went, yeah, exactly. He went, so right. And the chill wall table and chairire is in the Baltic. So he was like, I know the lads. He went, I'll go and sort of.

And he just literally walked out of content to chill wall table and share. items like can you come and get these tables and give us some smaller ones and they didn't even see either yeah that was all like uh half one in the afternoon right yeah they go above and beyond stars in the rise i think mattie was basically awake for 24 hours yeah to get that that i mean that set looked amazing adam conway did a brilliant job building it but to make that room into stars in the rise their lead tech guy just didn't sleep he's great i love cabaret seating as well i think it's just looks fucking i love how we did it i think i think the The first 70 people are at the front,

and you know you might be involved in the show. So the payment for that is, the offset of that is, you get a table for your drinks. And then everyone else, who isn't going to have the piss taken out of them, they can get theatre-style seating. I think that works so well in a room.

Yeah, I think it looks so cool. Well, I'm sure Will, will make it look absolutely beautiful. And I think the plan is for it to go out next month. But if there's a delay with that, and it goes out later in the year. It's coming in the next few months, so I hope you'll enjoy it.

I feel like I haven't been here for about six months. That trip feels so long. But I've just had one of the best weeks I've ever had in my entire life. It looked insane. Huh? It looked insane.

It was so good. And all the photos I took were on my disposable camera, so I won't have them for a couple of weeks. And I think they'll be quite cool as well. but me, Jack and Keelan, if you don't know Keelan, he's mine and Jack's former housemate.

Jack and Keelan have known each other for years, and the three of us lived together for a bit. We went to New York for Jack Finnegan's brother's wedding, which was in upstate New York, actually closer to Montreal than it is to New York City. But we did four days in the city, stayed in Brooklyn, and then four days at this wedding on Brantley,

which was just at the, at a, summer camp where Jack's brother and his Mrs. Met. And the city was so cool, because I have sort of got me places in New York now, and a lot of them, either I've introduced Jack to or he's introduced me to, so we know where we're going. And Kearland's sort of following us

around and really enjoyed himself as well. On the Tuesday, I was just on my phone, and I noticed Bill Bear, I announced a pop-up show at Gotham Comedy Club. Nice. Now, the reason they were in time, is there's an annual 9-11 Survivors

fundraiser that they do at Madison Square Garden, which is just littered with A-list comics. So he's obviously in town for that on the Thursday night, I think. So on the Wednesday, he's like, I'm just going to go and do a pop-up show. So I just immediately booked three tickets for us to go and see him.

And I also texted his tour manager and was like, do you need anyone? And he was like, we'd love to have you. Let me speak to the Comedy Club. The Comedy Club had already booked it with their regulars, which is absolutely fair enough. But we went and watched Bill Bair, Wednesday night. He had three openers.

Do you know the lad who does that bit where it's like there's microplastics in semen now? He was one of the openers. He was fucking excellent. He also had Keith Robinson on who is like an American legendary comic. He's had two strokes in the last couple of years and he does a lot of stuff about his strokes.

Really, really, really strong stuff. And then Bill Bear was doing a mixture of brand new off notes. and then about 20 to 30 of the stuff I seen him do a year ago when I opened for them at the Hammersmith Apollo. So that was fucking cool. Just to see, I love watching a comic of that level,

work stuff out. How long did you do total? He did about an hour and 10, 15 inches. And the supports were doing like 15 inches. The show started half an hour later as well, and we were all really tired. So as we, because we were doing like 30,000 steps a day.

But as we come out of Bill Bear, we're heading back to get the train back over to Brooklyn because the show was in Manhattan. And as we come out, Shane Gillis text me and was like, I'm heading to the stand for a beer, come and have a beer. And I texted back and was like,

ah, lad, I'm sorry, we're absolutely fucking done in. And we're driving to Albany tomorrow morning at like 8 a.m. I think I'm going back to the hotel. He was like, don't be a fucking gimp. Don't blow it. Come and have a beer. So Keelan, obviously, Keelan's a big fan of stand-up

and he loves Shane Gillers. Probably his favourite comic at the minute and he loves tyres as well and Keelan was like, what the fuck are we talking about? Let's go and have a pipe with Shane. Let's suck it up. So Jack was like,

I'm going to bed. So I was like, right, we'll go to the stand and we'll have a beer. So we go, we walk to the comedy club. It's like a 15, 20 minute walk where we were.

And we get there and there's a girl on the door and weirdly, so the stand comedy club in New York is really known for its comics community. So like even comics who aren't on the bill, they often go there to hang out. All the other comics are there.

They go and smoke weed. They hang out till one, two o'clock in the morning. It's the comedy scene of New York. And, you know, the comics who play there regularly, they all sort of congregate there. And they congregate downstairs in the green room and they do whatever they want in the green room. Loads of them outside.

Like, as we get there, there's just loads of them outside. And people I don't know, but I know of. Like I'd recognize them and I'm like, I don't know all outside. Mad. So we go to the upstairs,

the stand in New York, the upstairs, the bar's gorgeous. It looks like a really cool bar. Even if you were just walking past, you'd probably pop him for a drink. And it's quite quiet. And I just went straight up to the girl

and I was like, I love, I went, I hate to be this guy because it just sounds like you, you know, your name dropping the guy, the big name guy who's in there.

I was like, but we're friends with Shane and he knows were coming to meet him for a drink. And she was like, okay, you're welcome to go and sit at the bar and text them, but I can't let you go downstairs. You absolutely can't go downstairs tonight. And I was like, okay, cool, is what it is.

So then we sit at the bar and I text them and like 10 minutes later he texts. He's like, sorry, I've just been on stage. I'll come up now. And he comes up and has, I don't know, three or four pines with me and Keerlin. And then he's like, right, I might have to go back on stage in a minute. And I was like, I fucking shows this. Then, what's the guy called who's in the band on Jimmy Fallon? He's in the roots, the big Afro.

Questlove. Questlove. He walks in, and then Michael Shea walks in from SNL. Then Michael Shea comes over to Shane and goes, he wants both of me and you. So Shane goes, you're staying. Do you want to come downstairs? I don't think we're allowed down. He's like, you can come down with me.

So we go downstairs and Chappelle's on stage, smoking. The room's obviously full. And then Chappelle, Shane and me. Michael Shea were on stage. We stayed for about an hour. While they essentially did an unrecorded podcast, they're just fucking around, half-roasting each other, talking about cutting shit,

just having a laugh. And then it just got to a point where me and Keeling had said, okay, if you's 2 a.m. We've just got to go home at 2 a.m. Because Chappelle might be on stage till 5. But he absolutely would have been. They'd started at midnight, and it was now 2 a.m.

And there was no sign that even those three, were done with whatever bit they were doing. So at two we did get off. But within the space of an hour and a half, we seen Bill Bair do 45 minutes of new stuff and closed with 30 minutes of tested stuff, went for a pint with Shane and then watched him, Chappelle and Michael Shea

basically just do an unscripted improvised hour of stuff downstairs in a comedy club at 2 o'clock in the morning on a Wednesday night. And by the way, you are meant to maybe once in every three years see something like that. Keelan You're not messy, do you know,

what was really funny? So Keelan was like quite pissed because like Keelan's catchphrased for the entire trivers run our holiday, we're on our fucking haul of this. Like he just wanted to constantly just put it in the wall, right?

So shock because it's a Chappelle show, even if you're an invited guest, your phone is going in a pouch. There is no phones in that room. And so we go downstairs and we have to put our phones in a, pouch. And after like, as we're about to leave, Keelan's pouch starts vibrating. And he's like,

what's going on? And he's trying to get it. He's drunk. So he's trying to like open the pouch. And I was like, what would be the point of the fucking pouch? If you could just open it yourself. He's like, oh, I don't know what's. I was like, you have to take it back down to the person who put it in. And they have, it's like a, it's the same technology that's like on a, you know, like security tags in a shop. You got to take it to the desk to do the magnet thing. So it's like, take it back downstairs. So he gets downstairs. is and it's ringing again as he gets out of the pouch and it's his missus. So it's obviously, it's now like 7 a.m. UK time.

So she's probably getting up to go to work or whatever. And she knows it's 2 o'clock in the morning and he's in New York. So she goes, why aren't you answering the phone to me? I can see you would have waited like 15 minutes ago. What's going on? Obviously, like, girls get a bit anxious when the fellas in the big city drinking with his mates. And he was like, oh, sorry.

My phone was locked away because I'm at a secret Dave Chappelle party. She was like, Heelan, what the fuck are you talking about? Who's locking phones up a party? He's like, it's not like a party. It's like, basically, you know, Dave Chappelle? Well, he's just, he's on stage smoking and just making everyone laugh. And like, it's, it's not really stand up, but like, we're just having a laugh with him. And because I was in that thing, they took my phone off me and put it in, like, a cupboard for a bit.

And she's just like, I don't know what you're talking about, but you're doing me, heading. Like, what's going on? He's like, I'm telling you the truth. And it took him, like, 15 minutes to convince that that's what was going on. Can't take any pictures to prove it. No. Do you think Chappelle does that? Because we've seen him do that in Liverpool.

Hot water. Do you think he does that because he's trying to run stuff out? Or because he's got like a need to be on stage? Both. Do you reckon? Absolutely both. It's how he works all of his stuff out. And it's like, it's a bit of a known thing in the States that he does this.

So he'll just be like, I want to come to the club tonight. Like what he did at hot water? Can I just come and we'll do a shower at midnight? And they'll go, of course. and then he never tells them when it's going to finish and he just goes until he gets bored or until he walks the whole room. Mental in it?

And he has the... A pull like no one else has. But he can go, hey, Michael Jay and Shane Gillis, just come down and you go now, have four beers upstairs, but come back. Yeah. Because Shane Gillis is about as heavier hitter as anyone in comedy in the world

apart from Chappelle and he's got the sort of gravity, task to be able to go, yeah, but just come back in about 25 minutes. He can never stop, can he? Yeah, I don't think he'd want to. He has to die on stage, doesn't he? I don't think he'd want to, yeah. I think he's at his retirement, hasn't he? And then? Yeah. Because there's no way

you can stop doing that and go back to a normal life without me. That's not, you can't replace that with anything, can you? But it's, uh... Maybe he knows what, what the standard is. I think, I, I feel like sometimes, I know you take the piss out of me for being old, but

I think some of these guys sort of self-police their output and go, I'm not happy that this is good enough and go, that's me done. So maybe he's so brilliant that he thinks that he's not hitting the heights than he needs to hit, and that that'll be the thing that calls it.

Or maybe he goes till forever. Did Dave Chappelle move to Africa at some point? No, after Chappelle show ended when he turned down millions because he wasn't happy with his contract and felt like he'd been sort of conned by a combination of his agent, Comedy Central, whoever it was.

He went to South Africa on like a sort of spiritual journey to just get away from America, essentially. I don't think he moved there, but I think he did a long trip, essentially. KSA I did that. They're two of the same beast, I think. And he'll never stop.

And he shows. Similar size he goes. And then, yeah, the next day, drove up to well past Albany, actually, towards like sort of Vermont. Is this a Camp America camp? Like basically the place... Yeah, I don't think they are necessarily... So I think Camp America has maybe like six or seven camps in the States and under that brand. Right.

This is an independent one. It's called Brantley. It's huge. Now, here's the thing. Your wedding will stay with me until the day or die. It's absolutely fantastic and I absolutely loved it. This is the best one. wedding I've ever been to. And I think if I had an unlimited budget, I wouldn't be able to top it at my own wedding. Like, it was every and about, like the,

you'd never go in your head, you know where we should do, you know where to be the perfect place to get married is a children's summer camp? First, I think the, I think they gave them the venue for free because they know them because they met at the camp

and Tom, the groom still works there every summer. So he goes for 12 weeks every summer. The kids are there for seven weeks of that. and the other five, he's just a camp playing basketball, playing volleyball, doing all the shit.

So the accommodation's built in. Like we were staying in bunk beds, but the accommodation is built in because there's dorms all over it. There's about 25 basketball courts, tennis courts, volleyball courts, 40 pitchers.

We played five aside on the morning of the wedding. Yeah, I wish I did all that. Every, because it's so big, like it's on a lake and the lake's got a beach on it, like a full sandy beach. Every single part of the wedding,

including the days before, like the pre-party and the after-party, were all at a different bit, so it never felt like you were in the same place for more than a couple of hours. They did the pre-party the night before in the woods near the lake. They did the ceremony on the beach,

facing the lake. And as the officiant and the vows are getting exchanged, there's just people going past on boats. It was fucking class. The cocktail hours, was way up at the top of the lake looking over the whole camp. The reception was then like

about 100 yards down from that in this huge gazebo. We were in there till 10pm. And then obviously that was the end of the reception but they did an after party in the gymnasium with a stage on it. At which point Keelan did a full like bongos, bingo level strip teas

down to his undies. So right. And then the next day there was like a farewell breakfast. Keel was a plus one, wasn't he? He was one of Jack's plus two. So no one else knows him? Not a single person. It's never going to stop Keeling.

No, they'd never stop him. He's never going to stop him. He's never going to stop him. What must they have thought? By the sounds of it, they fucking loved it. Yeah, they barely did enjoy the dancing. And Jack's, uh, Jack Finnegan's best man's speech went well. It's so, for the story.

You've seen some first gigs recently, haven't you? Yeah, yeah. Honestly, called it well last night. Like, he wouldn't have been able to follow Jack. Like, there's not, like, like, I helped him with a bit of it and the first line I gave him his first line

he gave me the context and I was like I'd say it like this this is how to structure it and I think because we're so used to seeing comedians and comedy is such a part of our lives and going to see stand-up is such a part of our world

we forget that 99% of people have never seen live comedy they've never been to a comedy club they might have watched a few Netflix specials but very rarely do people go and see a comic rarely unless they're a big comedy fan so there's a couple of speeches before Jack

and that is sort of the only context the whole room has got for performance it was all the speeches were done late it was done after the cocktail hour after the welcome dance after the entrance to the bride and groom and after the meals and after about half an hour after the meals of more drinking and shots.

So the whole room's a bit pissed in really good, like, really good, like spirits and on mushrooms, I think. So there's been a couple of speeches and everyone's like, oh, this is great, this, this is really good. And just watching Jack deliver lines that he'd contextualised and given me the ammo for.

And just, he'd just had a comedian go, here's how to make that, a feedline, punchline. Like, best man speech joke. The first bear, and it's such a basic joke, was about, because Jack's brother had a hair transplanted about 18 months ago, and it was to get ready for the wedding so that his hair look fucking, you know, it is what it is.

And Jack, Jack was like, yeah, I want to talk about his hair transplant, but everyone already knows about it, so I don't know how to bring it up with, like, you know, in a surprising way, because everyone already knows. And I was like, well, you use the fact they already know. So maybe you go on and go, hello, I'm Jack. I'm the best man. I'm also Tom's brother, but you might not know that

because maybe you're thinking we don't look alike, but I promise you we did before he went to Turkey to get his hair transplant. I was like, that'll just get a nice little set of a laugh and you'll be all right from here.

Put one on the fair way. It got a stand in ovation. They went ballistic. They were screaming. And immediately I was like, he's going to be absolutely fine. He fucking leathered it for the entire time. Can we film Murderers Rowan Upstate New York?

I like the feel of it Next gig Oh, it's fucking class What a trip Well, you've been missed It's nice to have your back It's nice to have the boys together We're on a run now, aren't we?

Oh no, we're not Finn's going away next week And then Adam's going And then Adam's going I don't miss any episodes Oh, do you know? Oh, sick, okay Yeah, you've got to go

and have your birthday with your Bob Buffett I mean? Do you do good to use There's a There's a lock-in coming That they should be excited for Oh yeah

Yeah, it's the reason my neck is so tanned. And the reason there's lemon rancke on your mic. I'm never getting a spray tan ever again. They are so full on. Felt good when I was drunk as Joe Kalsaggy, but it's been horrible this week. I felt like a tangerine tit. I wasn't here for the locking, by the way.

I missed it. So you've got Sandro Ford sat here. It was old. Like, if you know what the old school lockings are, when we were in Runcorn being fucking, it was mad, it was that. It was that level of locking. I was genuinely gutted to miss it, but by the time...

You would have died. I just... Sandro took it to levels never seen. I just... I wasn't capable of it. So, we got back. I felt... I nearly changed my mind as well.

So we landed at like 7 o'clock in the morning. And I had had maybe like two hours sleep on the plane. So I sort of felt like I'd had a nap, not asleep, but a nap. I feel alright here. It got towards the afternoon and I was like, I've just got to go asleep again. So when I sleep for like another two hours I woke up and I was like

Feel okay here But by that time I've told me Mrs who had her first day In a new job I was like I'm actually not working tonight now We've got the night together So I was like I'd have to let air down Probably already made arrangements

And plans for the change of the lock-in I was like I just won't go Picked her up from work And she was like I would have loved her like first day of work pint But like I'm guessing you're not in the mood for that I was like we can go and have Like two pints on the way home if you want

there was a moment while she was talking to me where I had to get her to repeat a full two minutes she just spoke because I just you know like when we're reading and we read a full page and you have ready but it hasn't gone in I was listening but it hadn't gone in and I just did not have the capacity

to have proper conversation like a jet like rain fog I hate it like it makes me feel awful jet lag and a lock in is you're about to drive into a wall with the drunk Sandro as well with a drunk Sandro Ford I wasn't capable of it.

So that's out soon. That's out very soon. Very soon. We will go for a break. We'll be back shortly. Welcome back. You should sign up to our patron. It's one of the biggest in the will.

Patreon.com slash have WordPod. You know the spiel. But do it. Nice and efficient. I like that. I just can't mean. You also get early access to Dungeons and Dragons, which is now our most successful special ever.

You get one month early access to the next episode. It's worth it for that. Is episode two going on this week on YouTube? Episode two's going out publicly on. It will be out publicly now. Yeah, and then in two weeks, episode three will go directly onto Patreon for one month,

so you get to watch it early. Oh, how very exciting. We have got some. Are you ready, Carl? Where I go? Haley says, with Carl doing stand-up for the first time, I was wondering what is something the rest of you haven't done yet that you would like to try?

The more momentous, the better. And that's from Haley! Free Style BMX. Do you know, that BMX from the arena is down the side of my house under a bit of, I want to say tarpaulin, but it... I didn't know you've taken that home? Why haven't you been there on? I...

It's such a sad thing. I need to get a service tunnel. Oh, God. Just fucking doing... You know, have you seen people do loops? Took a few goes, but I did it. I just corkscrewed through the music. Can I bring it back?

Yeah. I just, I cleaned it up, didn't I? Basically. I got it out of the studio. Have you noticed, Carl, for me, have you noticed that everything's looking a bit cluttered this last week or two? I don't like clutter.

It is because I've been away and I've been tired enough for you. I fucking leave. This place goes to the dogs, mate. No! We can say some things on here, but no, sir. Order.

No. I don't like clutter. I don't like when you... It is getting bad, isn't it? Don't worry, I'll sort it. I just don't like when you go. I'd love to see the CCTV. I mean, Adam, going, you go, you go, I'll do it.

Me and Renew'll sort it. You just fucking wandering, going, bad. Probably make it worse, I'll leave you. Tash? I think you and me need to get to work. Clear out time. I like organising. I don't like binning.

Okay. That's all way different. But that's why we work as a team. You go, I will keep this forever, and I'll try and bin it. And then you go, no, hide it. We're not at the day when we needed stuff for the lock-in, and you'd fucking binned it. And it didn't need to be binned because it just goes in the fancy dresser.

Whatever use the keeper, no, make sure you give it a wipe. You know what I mean? Give it a wife. Yeah, I do come on Welsh flags. Once I see that red, red dragon. You did Welsh flags for the locking with Sandro? We've got Welsh bun in here. We've got Welsh bunting.

I'll go to the Welsh bunting drawer. Where is it? It's been thrown away. I went to the... Ow! This company can't afford $2.99 on more Welsh bunting. No, we didn't buy it, because we had it. I went to buy it, we've got it. Went to the fancy dress. We've got D&D box, locking boxes.

I'll go to the locking box. There'll be stuff there. No, you'd been there. Been the Welsh button. It's in my way! What time did you check for this? Five o'clock just before the locking. Good work.

Why not? We've got it? Why would anyone ever been something like that? Welsh bunting? Was it in your way? It was in a box? There's a limit of how much bunting we can have as a company. Again, this is why we work well as an Italian duo.

We need each other. We had the Italian bunting. Plath, no problem. Plah, blah, blah, blah, blah. We're doing that special and get Stephen Bunton, Bunton. I don't know what to press, but... Well done. Knock on wood.

We also move past freestyle B.O.X in the point of me. I think it's a great idea. I want to do the Red Bull X-wing suit. Fafa flupin. The Flaffer. Flukehaven. The fluke... No, no, no, no, no.

The one from a plane where you're wearing a squirrel... Flukehirt? No, he wants to jump out of a plane. Oh, sorry, I think, yeah. Yeah. No, they're not... The members of the public, they're, like, professional. Yeah, I'll train.

Oh, right, okay. Well, he's doing fucking... He's doing freestyle BMX. Why freestyle? What's the difference? He just can't be pinned down to a routine, man. Yeah, I like to be able to improvise in the moment, you know? Adam Row, ladies and gents, freestyle BMX. He stayed on.

He's turned left and right. Restile. Zach Bryan's playing in the background. That is what I'd actually like to do. I'd like to learn to sing and play guitar and songwriter and become a singer-songwriter guitar player. You need all those first bits for the second bit, so yeah. I could see you doing that.

Get a, what's there? Harmonica. Harmonica. Or a mouth organ. People call it both. Yeah, maybe I can become a one-man band. Woo! Woo!

Have you seen Adam's new stuff? It's mental fucking Dick Van Dyke at the end of his fucking hour. Pussy van Lesbian. Probably change the van. Oh no, it's not Pussy Van Lesbian, is it? It's pussy van. What's...

I can't say the man one. It's bad, isn't it? It'd be... And it'd be pussy car, lesbian. Everyone right? Everyone right. Not lesbian, because Dyke is lesbian. If you're flipping it?

Easy. It would be... You can't say it, though. No, no, surely, like... No, we're doing it. Like, I can't see a problem. Like, if it's pussy's the opposite of dick. Yeah.

You don't need another word for... Exactly. You'd have to be, like, it'd have to be offensive word for gay. Men gays, which you can't say. We could make one. Okay. Lufre?

A luther. A luther. A bit of a luther, didn't he? Lighting the lufers. But he rubs men's arces. Exfilate your back. with his cum. That's my life. That's this straight-out.

You want to be a singer-song, you want to be an X-wing? X-wing flying man. What's that? A squirrel? Yes. I want to be a squirrel. That's what I meant.

That's what I'm a... Yeah, the squirrels suit. Flying squirrels. Yes. Yes, yes. Which one would do, Finn? Because squirrels have like bingo wings, only that's how they fly.

Yeah? I like to get over my phobia of height. Come with me? Tight rope or something. Oh, I was going to say, get it on a feet and try and sort of do. You're going to mix it with her.

Yeah. Tight rope. Tight rope walking. I've got bad balance as well, so I think double whammy. Just suicide. No, no. That'd be like foam at the bottom or something.

Could you do one of those, like, glass bridges in Chongqing? Pardon? Nothing was said incorrectly. A glass bridge in Chongqing? Like these fake smash. The Chinese love a long, high, see-through glass bridge. And noodles.

I mean, that was just taken as given one. And noodles. At the same time. At the end of the bridge, there's noodles. I think I could do that if it's a strong glass. No, but would that would be... Obviously. Some people can't even be on the glass to see-through.

Apparently, like your brain just makes your legs give way. maybe I don't know I think I might be all right I couldn't like run I remember when I went to New York a few years ago and there was like a glass hangover there's an installation in New York

it's called I think it's called like one Vanderbilt is someone lay down it's me yeah so there's like the building's like this and then like there's like a glass box like that that you can go and stand

in the glass box like hanging out off the building and you can see, I think it's something like 120 stories high. No. So you're stood above 120 stories high

and it made me feel so sick that I had to like, I'm sort of like... Yeah, yeah, I remember the picture. Like a sexual predator waiting for you to come back from the bathroom on your couch. A really obvious sexual predator.

I'll let go to the bathroom. Buildings aren't going to be like that. You're not going to be able to see under you in a building, are you? No. I've been... I know they know how to make buildings.

and I know they've made it safe. I'm going to try and find this picture, you can slide that in. Having up the Beige Khalifa would stay and even, even though it's, they're not like that. Looking out the window and I'm okay

with heightenow. My legs felt jelly like, that is so stupidly high. Like a mile off. I mean, Blackpool Tower is like the northern working class version. Ah. What are you wearing?

Has you just been to your New York mine class? Were you in your jazz era? Was that the grail piece? Was it a onesie? Just a black jumping in pants and shoes? I've never seen you wear so much black.

And that's from me that's wearing a black sweatset. Now that's ridiculous. Well, I was in mourning, wasn't I, on that trip? Ah, no. I was a big fan of evil can heavell back in the day. Is that what you want to do? I think... Wasn't he already dead when you were a child?

Yeah, no, but like, I watched a documentary. I think Paddy McGuinness wanted to go find him. I think he was about to confess to his man. Hang on a minute. Isn't he will can be able to you just like walking down the stairs and go on the fridge? Getting up his front steps. You should learn to do keep you ups with drinks. If you'd have a volley one.

Yeah, like Zola. Even the sick, oh, fucking hell. But evil can he used to like jump over buses, but he'd never quite make it. But people like to try her. That's why he got so successful. No. No. No, no, no.

You think Evil Knieva was famous for always giving it a go? He always got close. No, he always did it? He always did he? No, not always. Maybe he's had like one and two crashes. He jumped over the fountains at the Bellagio. I don't think he did that.

You'd be landed in water? No, it's fountain. It's not like the sea. It's water, isn't it? Hang on. If you try and jump over a fountain and you end up in water, you've really fucked that jump up, aren't you? Yeah, but you'd landed in a water.

water at least. No, he just stacked it. How did evil can evil die? Diabetes. Yeah, because he was in a trailer park because Paddy Pett's got him.

I think Paddy McGuinness went to go find him and they found him and he was like, bloody I'm such a big fan. He was like, eh, because he just fucking Evil Caneva said that's a party and that's what Paddy said. Big fan of take me out. What was his real name? Let the motorbike

see the ramp. Robert Caneval. Oh, was it? Robert Caneval. Yeah. That's a good name. I swear he was actually Harry Knievel, but that's what Tom State kept calling.

Hey, man. Yeah, he's, he died in 2007 of diabetes. What a bad way to go for a daredevil, man. Um, yeah, diabetes. Is it fatal? Is it fake?

A killed evil can evil. It is in America. It's especially fatal. Because they can't afford the medication. Yeah, so like my brother's type one diabetic, and he just lives a normal life. That's fine.

That's born in, isn't it? They're born. Yeah. Type 2 is the dangerous one. That's where you've had too many cakes and your feet fall off. Yeah. All of them just stump walkers. Stump, then.

But once again, once again, if you get the medication, you are all right, aren't you? Yeah, you can live a good life now with the insulin done. It's like eight. It's just, it's just Spenny. In the UK, it was great.

In the UK, like, you're fine. Like, you've got, Like, he's like, got a pump and all sorts. So no one did a go-fund me for Evil Caneval's diabetes. I don't think you could tell people, can you? You can't be like, oh, I'm dying of diabetes. I've done all that motorbike stuff. If I was him, I'd have done a really, really, really difficult stunts and died that way.

Yeah, if I knew it was going to die. Yeah, I'm like, I'm looking like fucking diabetes. Get me a time. I'm going to ride my motorbike into the sun. Do you die? Do you want to know a fact about Evil Caneval? And I've just fact-checked this because I wasn't sure about it. He was in.

prison, he went to jail and his cellmate was called awful canoffal. No. No. No. Bullocks. And that's where he got the name evil caneval from because he was, this fellow's called awful canofal. What was con awful?

It was his last name. What? What the fuck. Is it true? Yeah. But he, he, it's like, this is before he was evil, can evil. Yeah. Yeah.

But he was still can evil. Oh, he just wasn't evil. Yeah. It was like, fucking Ivan the terrible. So hang on, they put Knievel and Knoffel in the same cell. That's their actual surname. Which is done alphabetically? Yeah, both with a K.

Also, why is the K not silent? Why is it not evil and evil? Orful, novel. It works better, and surely the K-Sound. Is it not K-I-N? No, it's K-N-O-N. Oh, it actually, so it's K-N-I-E-V-E-L. and the canawful was K-N-O-F-E-L.

Yeah, so he's evil-ne-eval. It's well better. He's missed the trick there, mate. Silly bastard. So that's what you want to do, is it? Diabetes. I think he's... I want to diabetes.

I think I look good on a jumpsuit. I've never ridden a motorbike. On one? I've never been on a motorbike. My mom went on one. You can't ever, ever go on a motorbike. My mom went on one in Turkey. You can't ever, ever go on a motorbike.

about without us filming it for a patron special. The evil, can evil, the Harry Canaris. I'd do that. Build up to a big jump over a bus or something. Harry, we'd have to hire a new Harry and that's quite tough. There's not many of them knocking about. I could do most of my work like... Dead?

In a wheelchair. You would die. Like the man in the chair, like inspired the man. I could do that. Isn't that? Preserva Xavier? Yeah, him too. He's dead smart, isn't he?

But my mum rode a motorbike in Turkey one. She was flitting with a feather at her take. Imagine how dry your carpet to be if your legs didn't work. No, because I couldn't catch it with the volley, would they? You wouldn't be able to kick it over? I'd run over it. I can't kneel down for it. Why would it be on the floor if you're in a chair?

It would be. Yeah, you've got a fucking cup hold in your wheelchair, surely. It would be. You'd have a cup holder? No, because isn't that where the joystick's meant to go? The other side? Are you having a leaky one? Yeah, fucking...

That Christmas bonus. I've got a present for Harry and I've left it in the fucking lobby. Is it an electric wheelchair? Where is it? Can you go, go, go out. The fuck he, why? He's got a present?

Class. I don't know this. Is it your birthday? It was. It was close to Finn. Oh shit. While he's gone, Dan's trying to replace Harry.

Oh, this is mental. Why? You with? He's got another Alan. Harry's turned 26 and then he started being mean to Harry. Hi, Dan. Hi. He's literally DiCaprioed him. What have he bought him?

I bought him sheet straps to hold your bed cover in place. Yeah, but he's just going to literally use it on Ellie and bummed head off, ain't he? Why then you just buy him a fitted sheet? Because I think he'll mess the fitted sheep up. What? A fit sheep? I'm messing up as well. Oh, thank you.

That's his class. I'll get him a fitted sheet as well and then he can strap it. So it goes under the sheets and straps in to hold it in place. You were talking about, you've put. You bought in your new bed. We were discussing it. You were buying a new bed, weren't you? Oh, no, a new mattress, sorry.

Oh, it's still not happened yet. Have you bought her? No, I've booked an electrician. Oh, God. If I want to go mattress shopping, I usually go buy matters. I don't go, hello, electrician. I won game show money, didn't I? You did.

Oh, shit, yeah, yeah. And I've still not been paid yet. Discussed in ITV. Yeah, all the Facebook. I want a grant, I'm a millionaire. My Facebook dollars have gone mad. They're like, in a bank,

getting an interest. It was like, no, that makes no sense. I agree. But, the, yeah,

but I had to choose what to buy. It was like, whether it was like a mattress or something, and I've bought an electrician. Not bought an electrician. What's you doing?

When I bought the house, they took the, they took the fuse board with them. Have you still not got that sort of? You got, dogs are allowed as dogs are allowed as house because they would explode.

Yeah. If they lick it, if they're just walking in. It's, the fella's asking me to take photos. of it, but I'm too scared to go near it, to be honest. There's a thing in his house where if you lick it, you die. Not even lick it, because it's like all of the switches.

It's live wires to the national grid. But it's next to the fridge. You're the place you very rarely go. How long have you been in the house now? Coming up to a year. Yeah. But I never thought it was an issue. And then Peter was here hanging up.

You did. You did, though. Really. Yeah, but I didn't think it was like that important. And then Peter was hanging up things. He was like, you need to get that. Your house might just set on fire. And at least going on a cruise in a few weeks and I don't trust myself to not set the house on fire.

Because if I'm cooking pasta and there's too much vapour, you could just blow up. You get that pest of vapour? How did they pass a... Because I booked a blind man to do me survey. So they hid it behind the fridge. And they kept the lights off.

They put the fridge in front of the Fugdor. They're smart. Smart people. They did have a bigger fridge. He would have had to move the fridge. He's not, you know, it's not Brockley, isn't he? No.

But he goes, hey, where's the Fuseport? Because this is my job. And they go, behind the fridge and he goes, that sounds mad. Well, this is the whole thing going back to, like, early being like, calling him up and the fellow was like, it's probably fine. That's the main issue is that we've got live wires

on the national grid in the house. It's fine. All good. I've got mattress fitted sheets now. Nice. I'm going to buy you a sheet as well. Let's do some advice. If you're a sparking, you live in the Boutel area,

because you're coming out. Could you, because he needs help? That's a glars. I met a sparky at the CCC who came to do the outdoor lights in my garden he's the soundest guy ever dead reasonable he's reasonable on his prices are he's just so sound he's very reasonable man good price good price oh your places aren't reasonable oxy

um monko says the fuck's monko you name yourself something I'll read you name yourself something I'll read it with a reason. I'll just spell that. Monko. M-O-N-K-O. I'd say it sounds, Monko.

I'd say Monko, personally. Monko. Monko, Munko, Munko, M-O-M-O-N-C-O-N-Coh-N-O-N-O-N-K-O-L-S-E-L-S. I think he's the ladies. I've never seen it fucking six years, Andrew. I'm not an ulcer on the inside of my upper lip So I have to like Oh, yeah, that.

Pass it. Monco Canunco says, A question for everyone, but particularly Carl. I moved house and then found out that over 30 pigeons Like to live on my roof. Fuck. They did over four stone of shit into the gutters And all over the house and garden.

I had two... Oh, the flound. I had two. different pest firms out and they said the only thing I could do was buy an air rifle. Do you measure the weight of poo in stone? They've got stones in them as well. About six stones over shit, do it? Why you shoved it all onto a weighing scale?

I need to know, babe. No, we're in the metric system for shit, no. Yeah. Surely. It's a kilo of shit, isn't it? Yeah. No, because you go for a shit and you go, I feel like I've lost a stone there. Pigeons don't?

No, they've not losing a stone. You feel like you've lost the stone, but you don't go. I think I've just done a one stone poo. No one's ever said that. But that's what it means, isn't it? Five pound poo? That sounds like you've paid five pound of a poo, don't it? One.

They said the only thing I could do is buy an air rifle and regularly shoot them. I've now and blow heads off about 20 odd pigeons over the last year. But what should I do to clear the rest out? What have you done the same? What would you have done the same in my shirt? shoes. No. No.

Carl ends lives in different ways. No, I didn't end any lives. I hired a goblin with a ladder. Didn't you take on to the woods? That was a baby one that was alive. Yeah. I kept it alive. No.

Kept it live by the end up. There was an alley full of cats or a bush in the park. It's a lesson of two evils. It's the longer death. In my house, yeah. Seneca, hello, love, yeah. But with all in pigeons. We now own one, though, to the kitchen.

You really should. You've got Toulouse and then Wally. Yeah. Oh, we've got a cat as well. He loves eating pigeons. No, but they'd bond. Yeah, but if they grew up together. He didn't, his cat's 15?

Yeah, but I mean, you're 15. It's actually 16, sorry. You could introduce it to the cat and be like, don't eat this one. He's our little mate. But he didn't grow up with him. So? He didn't grow up with Wallace.

No, he hasn't had Wallace? He got to, and in the end, but cats don't eat dogs. Do they? Rappers do. You could introduce it to the cast. Don't. Hey, ah.

No. And he's very reasonable as well. as a cat who doesn't speak English. How do you think Remmy would... I should ask him to the United. How do you think Remi would do with a baby pigeon? It would be gone. Do you know what he does in the park?

He runs towards them. And then just goes... Like, if he gets close enough and they don't fly off, he's like... Yeah, what was just the same? You meant to do the thing. Do the thing! You've ruined that! Mike Tyson used to keep pigeons.

You could be like Mike Tyson. No, Kiff. And Duncan Ferguson. All the sane ones. Is this guy got a grow on? He's got a bowed out of the pigeons? No, because you know, like you see like, there's a roof in Liverpool that's like famous.

Yeah, a roof that's full of pigeons normally has pot growing in the ceiling. See, I have pigeons here. Oh, because of the heat. Oh. So they're like sick. This is a great place to chill. Carl had the pigeons in his attic

because his grows in the bedroom. It's like, lockstock where you're going to watch the telly like this. Also, if you've got, like, it's so inefficient to get an air rifle and shoot them one by one, you need like a machine gun on a flame thrower. I thought you were going somewhere different with that. Yeah, it is.

Don't kill animals. I could probably, if there was one pigeon and knew is a problem, I could take a shot. News a problem? You get, what's it got tattoos? No, if it's always there and it's like, what do you mean? So what if there's a pigeon just on the floor,

would you blow its head off? No, I'd chew it out. Don't kill animals with air rifles, PSA. It's not what you can do, but I'm... The only thing you can do... Thank you, you, Adam. Maybe get a roofer, and maybe there's some, like... A roofer?

Maybe, you know, like, they've got... Or change your roof? No, air rifles, 60 quid, mate. Job done. How about the little spikes? Yeah, have you seen they've got anti-homeless, like, uncomfortable furniture now, which is fucking abhorred, you think about it?

But maybe you could do that on the roof. Maybe there's something that makes the pigeons not be comfortable and they'll move on to another roof. Don't be shooting them. Yeah, just get jelly on your roof. What?

What are you getting... There's got to be some kind of anti-pigeon device. Music, what music that they like? Or... Yeah. Do you know, like, in glorious bastards where when you first meet the bastards and what they want to do

is keep one of them alive to go back and spread the word? Yeah. You get one of the pigeons and you, you know, you threaten it and then you go and go and go

and tell your fucking mates with karate they always find the way home as well yeah yeah they go back to the roof and go hey we need to move from here boys otherwise he's gonna fuck

he's got an air rifle there hang on you've got to kill 29 pigeons like one by one you kill you line up the pigeons look I don't want to kill any pigeons and then you get the last one

and you go tell your fucking mates and he's like you killed all of my family no so this is the thing I think you maybe need to kill one pigeon and I don't want to but I think for the greater good

you get the oldest one one that's probably going to die anyway and you get like a relatively young one and in front of the young one blow the old ones out off like you want that to be you and the rest of your means go back to your fucking buddies and tell them to get off my roof

go next door oh so they're just still kind of on your roof just a bit further away release the pigeon again it was majestic off you go on follow it with a gun off and for my next trick

is there any anti-pies Pigeons don't like spicy food. Nice. Piri-Perry roof. Covering, Coovey roof and curry? You might then get seagulls, though. They're bigger.

I know what to do here, by the way. Peregrine Falcon, mate. Pettys Pettysolk, mate. Yes. Just get a falcon, cover it in peri-peri-sauce. It's basically animal cruelty. But that little spicy bird of prey

scared the shit out of them. That's what you need to do. What if you're then get a peregrine falcon problem, don't they? That fails that. You know, you get one pair of Vulcan to keep him on your own. This is the gaff mate.

Come back, Casper. Come by, Casper. Beautiful bird, Casper. You just fucking cares it. And you literally... I'm not kissing birds, right? Kiff. I'm not kissing any.

What cares and anything? Just every morning before you go to work, you go, come by, Casper. And then you let it fly around the house. The picture's like, well, that's his fucking Penny Penny Falcon. And then it comes back to you, you put it in his cage.

You just every night, when you let the fucking... dog out for a piss, just fly your falcon. But surely pigeons have more in common with a petty, petty falcon than we have. So maybe the falcon will be like, I'm not fucking doing anything for you. And he'll go up and say to the pigeons I'm on yours now.

I'm in the inside as well. Maybe we can kick him up. Then you need a hawk. I think you're making the problem. No, you're not. You need a hawk. What you've done there, you've underestimated. You can't keep adding bates. They're all going to congregate.

You can't do with a teradactor on your house? I know to eat with all these birds. More beds. You can't use bait. A crocodile would be good. Put a crocodile on your roof. You cannot get a crocodile on the roof. When you like the dog for a war,

dog out for a piss, you can't put a crocodile. Love, have you got the crocodile down? I'm going to the real fuck. You don't want to get the crocodile down because then they'll come back. You leave the crocodile on the roof. and you just throw them a bit of salmon every day

isn't it eating birds? The birds are going to be they're better to beat it? What happens if you end up with a crocodile infestation? Who's it? This is why it's perfect and this is a fact. Crocodiles

can knock it on roofs on their own. That is a fact. You don't have nothing to back that up with. As a crocodile ever been on anyone's roof, can we check this? By accident. Flat roofs. Also, don't crocodiles just die of being bored?

Not on a roof. Are they like a mortal or something like that? Yeah, they're immortal, they're immortal. They're immortal. They're immortal. They get crocodiles die of basically growing too big and getting bored. They don't die of old age.

Yeah. So it'll get bored dead quick. It's not to do. Put two up there then so they've got like two and a footy. Trying to get to sleep. There's crocodiles playing five-aside. How many of them?

They just get bigger until they, like, die. There you got. Fill your roof, you know, room for pigeons or falcons. Or neighbours. How do you want your neighbours up there? I mean, in the road? I think the council. There's a house for sale.

Yeah, but there's a crocodile on that roof. The castle. Yeah, but he's on the roof. Yeah, but the council will get involved. I mean, they won't have a roof. Bade, he's on the roof. Fucking, stop being a nose. He looks at your own house.

Have your neighbours like, I've got a crocodile on the roof? Have you seen any pigeons lately? No. So, shut up. Pleasuredome, Pazzie. I'll tell you what, Monko. Monko, Monko. Problem solved.

Also, you've saved money on a peregrim falcon. Crocodile. Straight to crocodile. No. How much is a crocodile? Dark web, you must be able to buy a crocodile. You can do, they do exotic animal, auctions. I think I've told you before I went to a house party

there's a kangaroo there. Oh, it's quite cheap. Go on. 600 quid. Oh. Done. Oh, I can't have two crocodiles instead of Remy? Can we get a crocodile done? Oh, yeah.

Well, it can sleep in the Welsh bunting. Oh, I threw it out. No crocodile. Sorry. We won't forget about the crocodile. What were you saying? Oh, you went, oh. Before?

Yeah, you went, oh, 600 quid. Oh. Yeah, oh, yeah. That's for a crocodile. Crocodillion, which is like a small crockers. I'm not getting a mopeicropecich. You're like micro pigs. A little crocodile.

You get a micro crocodile. The peregrim falcons going to have that for fucking dinner. No, you haven't bought a peregrin falcons. Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry. I thought there was a... There's so many issues if you've got... I've got pigeons and there's pettigum falcons and crocodiles walking around your room. By the way, the falcon idea was solid.

Hawk, eagle, pterodactyl. Or, cordy. Or, Corey. Right, and with that, it's time. for a break. Don't know about you, but I'm really enjoying this unbranded blue raspberry fizz drink. Oh, well, do you know what?

My cherry carbonated soda is really good as well. There's Cappley Sun. Is that what you want for us? There's Capley Sun. Big Capley Sun. Why'd you hate Steve? Seven up, all right? Jake Pack-Sixie.

What's that, man? On the careful water from Costco, you'll be fine with that. Yeah. This is, yeah, this is fine. This is I got it out of there. Yeah, we're fine. You've come in real hot on me today, Carl and I'm feeling it. Why have you come in hot on him? What are you done?

I don't meet many people who leave the city and go to London and they am back. London? Yeah. I'm coming hot. I've just come in tasty. It's going to be awkward, this in it. I just thought he's to lose your identity, you know what I mean? With the thing is, we've got a parasocial relationship because I've watched loads of these

and I was like, he's going to be my name. I am lovely. Yeah, yeah. Out of everyone and we're going to get on because I was in Japan and a big. A lot of time I was in Japan for me honeymoon. Where you, so was I. I can't wait to speak to him. When were you there?

In June. Sick, that's a good time to go. Unbelievable. Really good time to go. Is it a bad time to go? Yeah. Oh yeah, that was a bad time. Yeah.

Honeymoon? Yeah. If you're book it, it says, Bukkahd, you just... You need holiday. We were going to do... We were going to do Hiroshima, then Nagasaki in that order and then you know,

yeah, it's bad. You have to do the other way around. Yeah. August is the worst time to go when I went. It's the hottest place in the world. What did you do? Not to just jump on... We went to Tokyo

and then we just went down the coast all the way around back to Osaka. Unreal, lad. It's the best car. But I was listening to one of the shows in the gym and you were talking about it and I was taking notes. I was like, oh.

Oh, so you should have messaged me and I've got... My Instagram now is essentially the Japanese tourist board. Yeah. Who are going, lad, I'm going. Can you just do an entire two-week plan there for me? I do enjoy doing it.

I know I was coming on, so I thought I'll save it and then we'll bond and it'll be sound, but... But cars come in, tasty. Tasty. Question, me being from Liverpool.

Said I'm not allowed back in Heighton. You've lived in London what, 10 years? 10 years, yeah. Is it? 10 years? Did you come school with Jake?

What's this? What's this? We used to rob houses to get to, Jake. Can I just ask Jake? You got a pair of the Scouse uniform 1-10s on there. But they look boxed fresh and I'm wondering

whether you've bought them for your trip back. No, I bought it. That's what I'm saying? I'm one of you still. Can you not just celebrate one of your own being successful for a second? You can fucking leaving?

Do you ever really think why I left, Carl? No, I bought these about three months ago when I was back, but I don't wear them because I get nervous. Why? Because I don't want to ruin them. Why? They're expensive, yeah.

Yeah, but you want to get patina on your clothes? You want them to age and love worn? Yeah. Whoa, whoa. Whoa, yeah. Whoa. A minute to have a potina.

That's patina. And he gets fatina down his top every time. Pete. That's me Tina. Patina is signs of use and wear on furniture and clothing.

To be fair, all trainers, they're not great, brand new. A month in, two months in, that's the, and then they start

falling off. There is a sweet spot. I didn't realize it was called patina sugar. So if you go into like a vintage shop and there's like a denim jacket, like you know, like so these jeans, I haven't had them that long nearly. These are like artificial creases. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That is what's called

fake patina. Fake patina. Nice. Oh, fake patina. I like that we hair. It's got patina. Like a week after you've cut her. Don't you like our go to the pitina? Like right now it's not patina. In a week it will be. Right.

Isn't that just not washing your hair though? No, I mean, like, Joe, when you cut you there, and it's never the lemp you want it. Yeah, a few days later it is. And it settles in. And then it's not settled yet. These have got little bubbles on it. Like, I'm not going to ask you to look at my shoe,

but like they've got little bubbles on a heel now of wear. You know what I mean? Yeah. You got a bobbly patina. They've got a little, yeah. You just want to wear them in a bit? Like, make them yours because of the minute, they're not yours. Yeah, they're wearing you.

They're wearing you. What's going on here? We're just wearing shoes. Yeah, they're just, yeah. but they had the... I don't know how to tie the laces. That's the problem. I bought them on a whim.

I bought... I, like, I had a pair when I was a kid and then I said I wanted to pay for ages and I've always... Because they do the release, don't they? Yeah. And I've always missed it.

So I went to block P when I was last back and got them. But I don't know to tie the lace in the lad. They've done all funny. Am I talk at me? Yeah, you took it in? No matter what, Chris Tucker. Yeah.

I took my laces in. Hang like, you're wearing them well. But they're wearing them knee. You tie a knot and then... I'm not and then undoing. undo the knot and then tuck it down the sides. Like, you meant to it like that, but you leave the knot in, but you undo the loop.

You de loop. And then I took the into the side. I don't know. I've just always done that. Are these like you're away day coming back home to Liverpool training? So you get them out as soon as you get to Lyme Street, you whip them on. Or do these go back to London?

These will, yeah, I'll take them home with me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You stay here now. Leave them on the Lyme Street steps, you know. Get a locker in Lime Street. Yeah. No, I'll be honest with you, lads, I put them on this morning

thinking that'll be a nice little touch I think people might like them. I didn't think, I didn't think I'd come in and people would be like, fucking Scouts, not English, give me a passport, you know what I mean? I like it, I like it,

you're keeping your, you know, your identity. I try to. It's nice. What does your hat say? Yeah, the hat says knuckle sandwich. Here we go. Can I ask why Japan?

Is your missus Japanese? No. Okay. We just, we always wanted to go. I'd be, so we got married four years ago, right? And at the time, we couldn't afford honeymoon. So I saved up in secret fee for years. And then my wife, Flora, got hit by a car, right?

It's awful, terrible. But she got a payout. Did it Flora? God, that's so good. That's good. Do you know what, lad? I went for the butter joke and it wasn't there. Do you know what?

Do you know what the thing is? She's going to hate it. this because the first time I met her she said my name's Flora and in my head I was like that I'm never saying that name it's a fucking stupid name right and every time she comes to Liverpool people say to her that joke or they go can I call you Flo? And she goes no

I don't like that and they go okay then flow and I have to stand there while people are making butter jokes in front of my wife who I love being like this is the funniest thing I've ever seen in the world there you go girl an original hit by a car joke for you're right she's fine she's fine she got hit by her car

going over at Zebra Crossing a traumatic time she's worked through it very proud of it she got to pay out yeah so she and then I said to her look I've been saving up

in secret because I'm a romantic person but if we you know we can go on this holiday for a month to Greece on like an island hopping or if you throw in we can go to Japan for the month so she's like I'd rather go to Japan

so then we did it we had the same honeymoon I did Japan for a month of my honeymoon as well so much between us we'll bond all time why is that I'm not you mate right now are you getting the money off

are you getting the money off their car insurance an intermediate, yeah. Is that the government? I always wonder if you get like... So if you run me over, the government has to give me money? Why am I just doing it all the time? If you're a victim of a crime. People do that?

What? People will purposely have accidents to get paid. Yeah, but it's the insurance company. Who's paying? Yeah, so I always wondered, if you're the victim of a crime, saying like someone, like, gets stabbed. Yeah.

But I mean, like randomly. Do you get money for that? Me? Not you. Yeah. Someone else gets stabbed. Do I pay? Let's say like you're assaulted by somebody

and they end up going to prison. Like a civil lawsuit you mean? Yeah, are you paid out by anybody? Like, if I stab you, and you can't prove it criminally, but you pursue me civilly. Yeah, civil law case, yeah. And you win.

I then owe you, let's say they go, give him 40 quid, right? It was worth, well. No, I don't agree on. Eight months of legal fees. I owe you 40 quid, right? I technically owe you that. But if I just,

just go declare bankruptcy, I don't, you don't get it. So there's no like a big pot. He's just going, he's been stabbed. The stab fund. It's the stab fund, yeah. Is there another thing, no? What? I don't know.

I'm not Googling it. Have you got health insurance? I have. Well, there you go. You get paid out of that, I think. If anything bad happens, see her that could impede you right to work, then I think you could, yeah. Have you got a stab policy? Think about it.

Adam's back. He's not giving up his 40, quick. Have you got here? Have you got crimed on? Like, how you got paid? I'd love you to turn up to the police station. I've been crime done. I've been crime all over.

I didn't say him, but have some money. I just thought it was like a fund that paid out victims of crime. Can I just ask a genuine question? Is anyone here, like, against insurance fraud? No. Because I think we should just be doing a bit of insurance fraud. The audio listeners?

Yeah. No, yeah, it's awful. You know what I mean? That was a thing that happened all the time. People used to, in height and people used to get in cabs, and then they'd pretend that they had whiplash when they crashed and you get a grand. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I know a girl who, like, essentially, that's how she paid rent. She did it all the time. Hang on, hang on. It crashed. You have to get in a taxi that's crashing. What, you took that corner of a quiz. One gram, please. Just here, please, mate.

Help! No, yeah, I'd stage it, like... Ah, man, yeah. I've seen the ones where they're driving front and slam on, because people have got dash cams now. I like the one in China where the people like fall onto the bonnet

and the guy's like seen it and starts reversing and they start chasing it still fall on and then they see the dash cam and they're like oh yeah I see one of them in America like a fella pulls in front of another car and then reverses into it because the real is if you go in the back of someone

it's your fault but they had a dash cam and they get out and they're going oh wow and then he locks eyes with the dash cam and he's like oh I tell you what It was really funny. So years ago, you know, like, early live at the Apollo

when it was like Jack D. Live at the Apollo. Yeah. Jack D had a bit on that about whenever a woman gets her bag robbed or their purse robbed, they always say they had loads of money in it. So like when someone gets robbed,

they're like, I think I had a thousand pounds, isn't there? Right? And it's like, yeah, the police had come over and like, so what was in it? Oh, yeah, me lips and make up in her.

Oh, actually. It was a thousand pounds of cash. And literally, when I was a kid, my mum got a handbag robbed in Machies in Heighton. Yeah. Like it was like hung round around the pram. Let me look, brother was in.

And they cut it off. And I remember they're going, there's a thousand pounds in the next to $10 million. Have the keys to be Lamborghini and seven iPads? Have you been crimed on? What happens there? Do you have to prove that you had them funds previously? So I think something like,

so I don't know whether that makes Mackey's. liable. Nuns in the family us. I think it should have done. Macies. Bastard. And,

or I don't know whether it's like, I think there might be a rule where if the police should have stopped it, if there should have been a better police presence. In Machees and heightened.

Just standing on. Yeah. I think so. The one way the one that's, Big Azda, yeah? Yeah, I think there is something like if you do get

like actually crimed on it's not just like we were having a knife fight and you gets that more like I think there is a police So if I say I had that backpack

there and had 11 and a half grandin Yeah Who pays me? Heighton police Yeah And they're like sorry Who ever made the backpack I think

Like a hair show or something North face all me 40-60 grand then Yeah Then why would you launch a backpack company If you were always going to be liable for that Yeah

Open yourself up to all sorts I'm not doing that now. Damn it. Pitina backpacks in the bin. Who pays you out of someone robbed you? They don't unless the police get the money back. Or if it goes to court.

They're not fucking open you, do you get it back to going to keep it. Fucking pig scum. Did they get your mum's £1,000 back? Back? I love pig scum at every time. Fucking pig scum. Fucking A team over it.

I think she did get it back, yeah? She got it back, but it never existed. But I can't remember who from. It wasn't like, they didn't get his back, but she got a thousand pounds. Someone else lost a grand then. I think she just robbed a grand of someone. And luckily I've never been crammed on, so.

I found a bag when I was in Edinburgh the other day at the fringe, and it was someone's backpack. And I don't know what happened. I was in a pizza place, right? I just saw the backpack on the side and I picked it up and as I went to go in with the bag the fellow was like, we've got no seats

so I just flapped it so I was like, oh, fucking hell. So I went and I had two backpacks got back to the flat that I was staying in and I had to find this lad just from one piece of information on us this is a film scene.

You know what? It was mad. So he had a Ukrainian passport, right? And I was like, fucking hell. So I looked them up, couldn't find him anywhere, couldn't find him anywhere. One of the lads, my mates, comes in.

And he's like, let me have a look at it. We find one link to an article in, like, on BBC saying this lad and his wife had been, when Ukraine got invaded by Russia, they got stuck in Greece. And it was like a big piece on them. So I found out his wife's name. So then I started messaging his wife, right, being like, where's your fella? Because I've got his bag and she didn't reply. And then I ended up finding his like link.

in and ring at him and being like, listen lad, I've got your bag and he was like, okay, sound, where are you? And then he came, but he didn't tell me that he came with like four other people because I think he thought I was like, ransoming the bag. I've got your bag, what are you going to do about it? Yeah.

A scouts and rings him up like, I've been messaging your wife and I've got your property. Come and meet me. I knew you were in Ukraine. You know what I mean? It was, but he came and anyway, he asked me if I wanted money. I said, no, I'm just doing it up to the goodness of me heart. And then I, so Who's paying me?

That's the question. Best place to... I lost my wallet at the fringe and someone handed it in with all the money still there's about 80 quentin in it and I went to, I had to go to the police station

and they'd put a little like rubber band around the money and put it back in. That's nice. The fringe is just on this, nice, artsy. Then you said there was a grand didn't I?

There was a grand in that. I told them in Japan, if you lose your money you'd go to the nearest police box and it's there. Yeah, yeah. People, like, we went to the Imperial Palace

and someone just left the baby outside and went to the toilet. I think if you steal someone's baby though, you should expect to get it back. I mean, you know, touch it with open. Yeah, but like you're just leaving a baby there and then he was just off on the park on his own.

Sorry, did you say if you steal someone's baby, they should expect to get it back? No, like say you drop 20 quid, you're not going to go off. You go, you know, that's gone, honey. Yeah. If you drop your baby, and don't notice for a mile and a half.

Should we go back for the baby? A mile and a half. You can make a half. another. Yeah, you get your money back. Like, no matter how much it is, if it's a thousand yen, they will have it there for you. Someone will have put it. Sorry, the baby was outside the toilet, and he'd just gone... No, so there's like a...

I can't remember. There's like a big palace, like the imperial palace. Through the emperor lives. Super busy tourist attractions. Yes. No one was... No one was there, though. It was quite late at night, and the guy had just left his baby in the pram, and then he was off, like in the toilet,

just having a piss. But they've got them, have you seen them in Japan where you can put your baby in there? They've got like a little holder for your baby if you go for poo. No. Have you seen them? No, so it's like a little...

Imagine like, do you know, those things that fold down? Like a baby changing? Yeah, but it's not... It's got legs and you just put your baby in it. Yeah. This is all the stuff you miss out on because you won't poo in public. And have babies. No, I do poo more in public now.

They do... In Copenhagen, there's a big culture of when people go to get like a buddy or a pasta or a coffee or a, you know, a bankload or whatever. really going love pasty it's a big day that in it they leave the prams outside so like there's just you walk up to like a pastry gaff like a bakery

there's just seven babies having a little cry to get on Scandinavian isn't it it's the fresh cold air is good for them doesn't matter what time a year if mum goes in for a pasty or a bank loan or a bank loan

or to do some insurance fraud someone stole me baby it's out there I had two that baby that baby had 10 grand with him he had diamond shoes I'm thinking of gold at what's it called this

he'll have like a name like a scheranapen a scurran flap there'll be a there'll be a name for it the Scandinavian cold baby outside banter I've seen that

it's meant to be really good for them isn't it and sometimes it gets snow all around them and they still stay there yeah it's okay it would be a vehicle Well, babies are fine to be cold, aren't he? Because we were born in caves, but we're not good to be old.

That's true. Not we were born in caves, but our ancestors were born outside. Better to be too cold and too hot. If your baby's cold, that's not the end of the world. It should never be too hot. That's true, really? You've got babies? Yeah, it is.

I mean, there is, there's either end. Don't put them in the freezer. I'm saying I'm saying I falls on a bell curve, though. Yeah. It's too cold. And there's also too hot? Yeah, but like, you're not meant to, like, warm them up. you can pre-heat them

yeah don't they put them a little proven drill I can give them baby spasms I don't I can't find

the name for it but you're just meant to leave them to nap outside that's great but yeah minus 10 yeah

blizzard it's good for them yeah I can't find the name love doing my no wage yeah did you know I was all

what I'm it's good for the baby they do it at school what at the schools at the schools in Stockholm's they just Stockholm.

They're doing the schools in Stockholm. I'm from with the Stockholm's. Not bad. They're just schools in Stockholm. They just let the kids sleep outside. It should be in school? Yeah, but do you know, like when you had like nap time in like nursery, they just do that outside.

Respect. Do you know what that is? That's one absolutely shit teacher who got caught out. I was like, it's good for them. And everyone was like, oh yeah, go on then. The Stark-Holmes thing. I reckon that's so the teachers can all just have big fuck hours, you know.

Dirty Swedish teachers. The kids on time. Get in that fucking stalker with you, girl. Fucking are. What's it good for, though? What's it doing? Immune system, I imagine. Petites.

Yeah, it's all just fresh. Less likely to catch a cold. Because they're fucking freezing. Yeah, because they're used to me, yeah. Yeah. Do you know the temperature's got nothing to do with, like, the flu? Mad that, isn't it?

You don't catch a cold because it's cold. It's all infection. It's all. Yeah, yeah. But I think it's because people related to a winter thing as well. Because everyone's got to live in. I don't know why it comes around in winter. It's one of those things.

I've never got my head around. I also don't know how, like, dogs grow. Isn't? Oh, sorry. There's been many questions here. Huh? You know, like how Remi's got loads bigger? Like, ridiculously bigger in the last two weeks.

Yeah. So got a puppy, Rottweiler, and he's just growing at an exponential. It's mental. Yeah. Right. Where's that coming from? Because like, how is bones getting bigger

when I'm feeding fucking like chicken and that? He's taking the stuff from the chicken and it's going. Making new bones. Same. How's his bones now to get bigger? Do you feel the same about people? Yeah?

Like children? Yeah. But he's more interested in dogs. But I've got a dog. How did I? How did I? Your eyes don't grow, do they? Huh?

Your eyes never grow. Surely they have to. No, that's why babies have got big eyes. What about Steve Bouchemmy when he was a baby? Yeah. Yeah? Leave them outside. It's because your head's little.

It's not true. It's not true. It's good. It's not true. It's another call back. It is true, isn't it? No. Your eyes never stop growing up.

You could keep saying it. Oh, they do. What? You're all right, none? Your ears and nose never stop growing. Yeah, which I'm happy because I've got that little ears. Which means, you know, when I'm older, normal. I've got absolutely flappers.

Well, yeah, the kids. My kids are... My ears. The big ears. My kids... ETS has just grown so much recently. They're regular ears. It's a pretty big ears, man.

Pretty big ears. They're nice. Give them time. Yeah, we all do this. Then yeah. They're going to be huge. You ever thought about getting them pinned back? Yeah.

Just now. Like a boxer. Is that... Does that still happen? Yeah. People pinning kids ears back. Yeah. If you get a little dumbbell baby,

you've got a little staple gun, isn't it? Oh, look, so my mate Joe got it done when he was a teenager. That's late back. That didn't look comfortable. Staples? It was, you could see the behind his ear. It looked rough. I mean, he had flappers and that, if anything, they went too far in.

What's, can I ask you a question there? What's, that's not medical. That's just because your kids got big ears. Yeah. So what stop them people from just being like, oh, I want bigger tits? Yeah, give them, yeah, do you know what I mean? No, but we're kids. Yeah.

Oh, I think me, yeah. I think the law. I think the law. But where's the line? And you're like, and that kids got picking up to sit. Love. I pin an ear back big to. I do.

What's my daughter? No, it's it at all. She's seven. Yeah, I know. A disgrace. Yeah, I think there's laws. But it's cosmetic, it's cosmetic surgery that, in it? Yeah.

You're not wrong. Like, some cosmetic surgery is just, like, everyone agrees it's a good idea. If you look like fucking plug from the be, you know, you need your ears pinning back, don't you? Yeah. It is cosmetic surgery that you go when I don't like how that looks, I want to change it. Yeah, yeah.

It's correctional surgery, in it? It's like if your baby had a monobrow, you'd shave the middle for it, wouldn't it? Bored it? Yeah, I can't use that yet. Just shave it. Do you want bigger tits as well? Yeah, you do you?

You don't want your baby like Eugene Levy, do you? No. That baby looks a bit like. But if anything his eyebrows had become a trademark of us Yeah, he's no one. Yeah, totally, but there's already one now, isn't it?

For your baby, he's not going to be the new Eugene Levy. He's just going to live in Eugene Levy's shadow. In 2020. Imagine explaining to his wife Why you've saved your kids at school. You're fucking hack, mate. The Eugene Levy. You're living in his fucking...

Vicious year eight of this high school. Fucking disgustence. I found out sad that none of you really know about Lance Armstrong. Sorry. What do you mean? None of these know about Lance Armstrong and the shit. Cyclist? Yeah.

They don't know it. They were sick. They don't know all the shit. He's a drugs cheat. Yeah, but like I thought it was a well-known story. What? They had cancer. Came back and it.

Sounds like they all know. I knew, but I didn't know to the level of like, because you were saying he was taking his blood out. Yeah. Yeah. So when he was, when he started, he was heavy. And he was like, and then he got. got testicular cancer.

We all were live strong. And then spread to his brain and he beat it dead well. I was like, yes, sick that. And then he went, I don't want to stop cycling. So he started cheating. He loves one time.

So he started cheating to be like, and everyone was like, well, they reckon everyone was cheating. They were, but he was the best of it. And then he also got caught the most. Yeah. Does the cancer not offset that? A lot of people,

do you know what I mean? A lot of people said, A lot of people want you can cheat. He fucking battered cancer. Yeah. But he cheated to be like, and I was like, wow, he's big cancer.

Now he's the greatest ever. And then he went, ah, no, I was cheating. And then he went, how much was he cheated? What's the blood thing? You can't just take your blood out and put it back in.

It makes it more oxygenated. So you just leave it out in like Copenhagen. What? You get a blood transfusion. You can get new blood as well. Yeah. Now, see, that makes sense. Don't you own blood?

What you do? You should take your blood out. You go and have a past. You get a ban cloned. Come back. Newblood? You're a little lightheaded. Would they have a man club?

Oh. It's a busy old day. You look... You look very pale, Mr. Norgad. No God? Oh, he's also on text. Was he? Yeah.

But, like, everyone was fucking cheating. It's, like, the most renounce ball for cheat. Not everyone was cheating. Apparently, like, 95%. Yeah, but the ones with the way and cheating, you've never heard off. Yeah, they were at the back. Few me.

At the back, like, I'm fucking, my shitty blood. Just eat me. Yeah, and then he fucking... He was the best of cheating, and he had the best buy. Like, it was fucking over, mate. And he had natural talent. So you put them all together, and he was, like, fucking ridiculously good.

Right. Right. So whose blood can you put in you that makes you better? Like, someone at the same blood type? Yeah. You put his own back in. You're probably an own egas of, aren't you? Yeah, thanks.

What are you? Blood rain, man. A plus. It's just from your energy. 30% of the population I've got... I didn't like that. that. I didn't get why that was a dig, but I didn't like it. You're O negative.

Do you not know your blood type? No. Really? Who knows their blood type? Oh, negative is the one they can use for everybody? What if they're floored? Laced it on? The doctors, like, watch your blood type? I'm out. Try and get hit by a car. Yeah, I'm out.

It's been a bad car crash. No, but he can't even tell you. They're like, wait. They're like, wake up, lad, wake up. And you're like, oh. What type blood are you? That's one, there's one type that everyone can have, isn't it?

Oh, negative. Is that O negative? Universal donor, yeah. 30% of people have it. Are you calling me a slag? That was a bit of an every man. But that lads, who wants to live forever? Isn't he...

Brian Johnson. He's got AIDS now, isn't he? Apparently give himself AIDS. See, you've really got to watch what your blood's doing when it's out of you. If it's going clubbing. Has you really got to age you? I think he's really sick. This is where the chat came from.

Yeah, but AIDS these days is... Hearing AIDS. He's wearing hearing aids. Maybe you need someone. Yeah. You heard AIDS. I'm hearing AIDS. He hasn't got AIDS.

Can't find that, no. Why is it... Why is he wearing a hearing AIDS? He's trying to live forever and stay young. Yeah, so prevention is better than cure. He's helping his ears all... He's using AIDS and he's telling people to whisper. better so there's less damage.

Untreated hearing loss accelerates brain shrinkage. Yeah, it's literally his prevention is better than cure. But what's he doing it for? Because he wants to live forever. I thought he didn't he have like mushy's

and then go, actually, do you know what? This is mad. I don't want to do this anymore. No. He's all in on it. Like,

and by the way, if you see a picture of him 10 years ago and now, he looks incredible. Yeah. But like, what's the point? I'm not having that. He looks,

he looks nuts. He looks like a lunatic. He looks like his, He looks like he's made out of wax. Yeah, he does, but like in a good way. I don't know what that means. Like, you know, good waxy. Yeah.

Do you know, like pallid, sweaty? Shiny. No, I think you're thinking of him from like last year. He looks at Belta today. Honestly, he does look better than he did. I haven't seen him with the AIDS in, so that's true, isn't it? What to the point, though? Why is he extending his life?

What? Why is he spending his life? He wants to live forever? Yeah, but why is he spending his life, which he wants to extend? extending his life. No, he's still like fucking watching the telly, in there? I don't think he is. He is.

Just on mute with the subtitles on. He goes to bed. Definitely wearing red light glasses. He goes to bed like midday, don't he and gets up at like fucking five to midday? No, he goes to bed at midnight and he gets up at 8 a.m. That's what I did.

You're thinking of Kevin Hart. He's the one who gets up at fucking 4 o'clock in the morning. You're thinking of Mark Wahlberg. You've got to stop mixing those two up. He's just, he, he, he, He talks a lot about his thing, but there's other bits to him.

I think he plays like rugby and that? That'd be more. What? He could get like a fucking compound fracture when he goes to bed early. Maybe he coaches rugby. Nice injury. Really well, though.

Not just a fracture. It's a compound. Can I ask you, Jake? How old are you? 33. So you're like basically mine, Carl and Jack's age. What school does you go to? I went to De Aden's in Heighton

and then I went to St. Edmondarrowsmith and Prescott. So when you were a kid, people wear like Livestrong bands at school as like a fashion piece. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then the anti-racism one, the black and white one into twines. Yeah, I had a super army one. What was the blue one? Blue and it was bullying?

The bullion one. Isn't it dead funny that those bands were like for charity and people started like buying them in bulk from churning and selling them on the yard for profit? Yeah. Good. Where's that money going? Lance Armstrong's a cheat.

If you bought one for real, you're part of the problem? It's not going to him though. It's going to the cancer charity. Yeah. Where's the money's going? somewhere, isn't he? The country charity? The money was going.

Do you think he wasn't taking a little bit off the side? No, I... Big Lance, he's getting paid. How did he get such a nice bike? I'm not telling you right now. I think he's guilty of a lot of things, but insurance fraud is...

There's no way, Lance Armstrong made no pounds off the Lipson campaign. It's a non-profit? No, I don't believe it. What about the tsunami? What do you think's happening there? I had a tsunami bank because it was sick.

And it was paying to put the water back in the sea. Yeah. It was like, yeah, it's going to the tsunami fund. It was just boss. But by your own reasoning, I didn't give a fuck it looked good Oh okay Jay Welsh had it on in form

I went that's heavy And gives a father for it And I went bam there you go I'm what eating today But I've got a fucking tsunami band On my wrist And it was the flyer Why was it so cool

It was like blue and white Like it looked like water That's a bit on the nose And it just said Sunami on it It's a bit insensitive If I've eaten that in it Remember?

Hey it's like that didn't they? I'll never figure Yeah we have them all Where it was that tsunami The one in It was all over Thailand Thailand on it Kett.

Fouquet. Millions. But it's meant to raise money to give, like, all the Thai people a bucket each one at to, like, yeah.

Get this out the gaff. That's up a Thai person. Yeah, that's the problem with tsunami, isn't it? You need to get the water out of your gaff. I think Jay Lodge.

One of the problems. It is not the main one, though, is it? No, the main problem is the massive wall of water knocking down a load of the buildings, but the ones on the left end up fucking flooded. Yeah.

I think Jay Walsh spent a father on Lukos. Yeah, I don't think anyone got a bucket. be mad if he took that far and posted it off. I think he just got Lucas and Galaxies. I think Lance Armstrong got a bit of it.

There's no way he didn't make any money. Yeah, Langsandron got half of that galaxy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He made money off that, off endorsements. It was Nike, wasn't it? Well, yeah, they pay... Nike paid him as an athlete. Jay did.

The charity was set for it. Huh? Oh. Yeah. Yeah. He was making money off being a bloody bass. Yeah, for Nike. But those, they're still, they're set up. different things, aren't there? There's Livestrong still a thing?

Yeah. Oh, well. Is it? Mud. Some out. Who was making the money from the stop racism one? Finn. Rosa Parks. Yes. Yeah. She got low. She's minzed. She's meant to her to stage. She's got her own bus. Sit anywhere.

She drives it. I think it did go to her estate. All the council kids from here to state. All the council kids from here to state. All got a Rose Park. All. Yes. One bus tickets for the day. See me rolling. All the council kids. Are you white tire?

I think you know which bit of the bus you're going to. Fuck you. Hang on. Was she meant to because of the, you know, sits at the back? Yeah. That's the best bit, did he? Yeah.

The back's the best bit. Is it still, it's not, when you're on a public bus, the back's not for the naughty boys. It's just for anyone. Anyone. No, it's usually for the younger crowd. Yeah.

Yeah. young kids sit at the back and the old fucking people who can't stand up says at the front. Did you ever go on a school bus? Because there was like, there was rules like the younger kids could get on the bus first and try and sit at the back but then the older kids would just come home.

Get the fuck out of here. You had to earn that spot or be able to fight to keep it. I just used to fight the 11th, me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You just had the whole back section. If you lay on the back row. Any people who can sit here are the bitches from the school next door, me's, come on.

Adam Rosa Parks, they called them. Come on, mate. What do you want? Did you go Carnal Heiden? Yeah. That makes sense. What gave me a right? Because he know, we look up in a fucking shoot at man.

Because he said the bitch is some of the school next door. Oh, I thought you meant because he might kill someone. Broughton Hall. Broughton Hall were next door. Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. Broughton haws.

89? That's the... That's the children? The 89? The bus, no. Uh, 61. 61. 61.

Went from Boutel Strand to Edgwood Vale. Hello to everyone listening in Australia, Canada and the United States. That was a Liverpool bus route. It's a good one though, right down and drive. I could get the 15 as well. Just so you're just laying out. I could get the 15 home. Big a walk.

From school to Dovey. But if anything, it took longer than walking home. Because I'd have to walk to Alder A and then walk from where I got off that bus. And by the time I'd done all that. and waiting for the bus, I probably could have just walked directly home. But my mum felt safer than if I was on the bus. If I got the 18,

it'd take me further to the village. I'm still doing it. Can you get the 12 or the 30 and get off in the village? Can you imagine how Rosa Parks felt now? Yeah, yeah, yeah. All I mean, all this just... She could have got loads of different buses. If fella had a car, I've said this before.

Rosa Parks fella had a car. He was just in work that day, genuinely. That was a fact. And she was a... Protester, wasn't she? It wasn't just a... It was planned. Yeah.

Like, they knew what they were doing. Yeah, but no, what, you used to give a lift to work. No, they tried it. They tried it to know with someone else, but it turned out that she was like a teen pregnancy because they were going to do it with a young girl. So then Martin Luther King Gibb there and Rosa Park stepped in. Is it MLK?

Yeah, Montgomery. Big fella, I didn't know that. Bus boycott. Wow. But she had a whip. Yeah. I used to know. I always used to think the 12 and the 13 bus with the same Ruth.

No, I never stayed on it long enough for where they split around the farm. They carried on. That's where they changed. Never really affected me. Even those with my ex-girlfriend, I fell asleep on it once I woke up and was like, Oh, Stocky Village. I could get the 10 or the 10-A.

Oh, Jake's on as well! James Hill as well! 10 or the 10-A. 10-10, though 10-A goes straight. Numbers, numbers, numbers. The 10-A went like through press, got to St. The 10th, went through past the Georgia's fields to the village.

Oh, a large and a member numbers and places. Four, they love the little places. The 19! I lost the virginity of the 19. Sometimes, so the 18, you'd have to cross my head. Sometimes I go right round Crokey Park and he crossed the road for me. Couldn't be asked. Numbers and places, mate.

Get the numbers right, get the places. What bus did you get? The 11th are fucking bootle, just knocking motherfuckers out. Why? I was on the wrong bus. I went to school in Lancashire. 10 Begos right in Village. That's a nice one.

Yeah, it does. I was a 15 man to the village. Were you? Yeah. No, come on. Yeah. Because that was the station and I'd walk up to me, Nance. You could get the seven as well.

Josh, do you want the time to them for the clip? Make sure you've got all this. Walk in this, I'll go, I don't know. The 10-A's the most... The 10-A's the most, like, imprimus bus in the city. Yeah, 10-A is... Because it cuts right through the city.

Yeah, it's a nightmare. What are you talking about? No matter where you're going to Liverpool, you can get on the 10-A and you'll end up closer to where you want to be. The 10-A is an infamous bus. Yeah. What? What's it doing loops?

And the 10A is the only bus I know That's split It's a company Like usage Because every other is like A VET or stage coach 10A is so popular They have to use both stagecoach

And the Reeve for me Yeah Where yeah I was only a Reaver man Can I just ask you Like the stage coaches I'd get on a stage coach And be like this is just not green enough

Lads can I ask a question Is it about bus bus? No am I allowed to wear these fucking shoes now Like is that okay You know you're possible Yeah you know numbers and places Pairing them with white socks is like an act of

an active attack of aggression and my own man. These, hey these are from Japan these lad. Family Mart. Family Mart. Family Mart. Oh, family mart. Yeah, unreal. See, I'm more of a, I prefer a 7-Even or a Lawson.

Yeah. I like a Lawson little bit too much too expensive for me. Which? I'm a Lawson on a 10A. Finn's going to kill himself. Just before we go for a break, by the way, enjoy the last few weeks where you can wear light-washed jeans because obviously once autumn truly hits,

you have to go back to your dark washes. Tonight, we're a light wash on the 10A, lad. In October, fucking bad. Better be Halloween. Get fucking stab. Okay. I hope this ad in the break is for some sort of bus company. That would be amazing.

Shoot me. Wow. Carl did his first ever stand-up, night, Jake. Did you, yeah? Shite. Shite. Was it bad?

Fucking terrible. How long did you do? I don't know. I probably did it. You get 22 minutes. Did it? You did 22 minutes? And I didn't say like 10 minutes of it.

I've just left. You're booked for 15, so we need to tighten out. I have not a clue how much it did. Jay, so you're from, sorry. Do you start in Liverpool and moved down to London? So this is weird. I started in London. I did one gig when I was 18.

We were on the same bill. You used to do a gig in Beer Keller. Fucking out. Yeah. Wow. But I did it. I did it once and thought I was Bill Hicks. And then I used to...

Wait on. Wait, hey. I used to book that gig. Yeah. I booked you then. Yeah. But my real name is Jacob Brian Murphy. But I did one gig.

I remember. And then... I had never put you two people together. Yeah. Yeah. Same lads. Yeah. Yeah.

So I did one gig and then... lefty for years. And the only reason I started doing comedy is because I got made redundant from a job and Flora, my wife booked me a gig because she knew I wanted to do it. She's like, I know you're feeling down going to a stand-up comedy gig.

Be honest, was you, it made me feel fucking waste. But that's how I started. Yeah, started in London. All right, class. Yeah. You were in bars up here, ain't you? Yeah, so I used to working Salt Dog Slims.

Yeah, which I've frequented many, many a time. First job I had, was you? Did you just know each other then? No, no your face from, being there but I didn't know he was a bit. We knew each other. Yes, Steve knows him. Yeah, me and Steve knew each other.

No stinky bing, yeah. He knows too. Anyway, what other bars you were in town? So I just salt dogs, but I did shifts in a lower, a mojo and like, all of them.

All the gaffs we went to. Yeah, but I, so I used to be there, I was the head bartender of the bar upstairs, 81, do you know, the one with the code? I mean, literally, me and Steve used to go there. Yeah.

So we've definitely met before. We used to sit on the couch, the end seat. Oh, lad. And it was just the, That with a person you just having a chat to all night and getting blathered is so fun. Is that the one where we shot the pictures

to the arena show or is it the one that our jazz had his birthday? That's 83, which is no longer 83. It's the middle one where we shot the pictures. Yeah, sitting on that end with someone just chatting just getting bladded and just having banter with the bartenders. This one's numbers and bars. You're following this one, sure. I like it. I'm only having fun.

81 is a bar above a very popular bar. but you have to know the code to get in. So you text them and go, hello, there's four of us want to come at 11 o'clock. They'll go, the code tonight is this, and then that's how you get in. Yeah. But one, two, three, five always worked.

That's the, yeah, that was the staff code. That's why. There were two codes on you. I just made that up. Yeah, there was a staff code, but loads of people knew it and were just fucking buzzing. Because it was nice,

because obviously you'd have a lot of people coming in or wanting to get in, and then you'd just have a load of scals as well, which I really liked. because it made everyone else feel a little bit on, on edge, which is it. Remember Pipper? Did you work with Piper?

Me? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she worked in Pork Chop, didn't she? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, pork chop pepper. Yeah. Shut up. She said, she said,

Ah, son is to have a full name. I know pork chop. My favorite restaurant ever, and I'm so sad, wouldn't I have? Where was pork shop? It was next door to it, and then it moved to Bald Street. We went there for Wing Wednesday,

downstairs, was Champions League. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So what made you move to London? Because you didn't move to London to do stand-up. You weren't going to the big smoke to... I moved to be a bartender, lads.

So I was like... When I was younger, I won a couple of competitions. Like, I won a global competition, and then I won a UK competition. Ah, a mixologist. Yeah, well, yeah, yeah. And then I got... Someone asked me to go and work down there,

and I'd worked in soft dogs for like five, six years. So I moved. Had you already met Flora at this point? No, like, no. she, we met when I was 24 and I was so, I used to own a bar in Liverpool, that's closed now

because it wasn't very good, but, that's not true, present company? Yeah, it was unbelievable. It was about four miles away from where we are right now,

but it was over there. Present company was great. Thank you. I tried to be self-deprecating about it, but if you liked it, that's nice. I liked it as well. Yeah.

But yeah, so I met, So I had a pop-up bar in London when I was trying to finance the bar and I met here then. Oh, cool. Yeah, you don't mean someone called Florida and heightened. Lads, there are non...

I'll tell you, who's not on the 10A? Flora. From before. See that? How smooth, man. Wow. We're going to do some have-a-words. Oh.

Helen says, lads, can you please have a word with my partner, Paul? I went on a mini break with my sister and mum, first trip away without the kids for me for ages. Only four days, but when I got back on the Sunday night, the house was a fucking tip. Every room had mess and the kitchen was a bomb site, clothes everywhere. The kids looked feral. And he looked at me with puppy eyes like, oh, I'm so glad you're home. It's been a lot. Can you please have a word with him?

He needs telling that looking after your own kids for a few days isn't SAS Who Dare's wins. I've done it dozens of times and kept everything in decent order. I love him, but he's a lazy, scruffy twat. This is mental. The cleaner went on holiday. If the fireman goes on holiday, I was just going to burn down.

Sorry. I can't be a fireman as well. I would say, come on. The boys. I would say, Helen, if you really look into it, it's called a patina. Probably patina.

The kids are full of patina. The kids are full of patina. The four-year-old's got shit down his leg. That's petite. Girls hate when or ladies hate when men say they're babysitting. It's like, no, no, you're just looking after your own fucking kids. Yeah, you don't have babysitting. They're yours as well.

It's absolutely ridiculous. And I've said this before. But if your Mrs. Goes on holiday and your house is a shit tip, just book a cleaner for the day before she gets back. It's so easy. I am happy to live in Phil, Phil Flog until the day before she gets back. I'm like, it's been like this the whole week. It hasn't.

I just kept on top of the thing. If Flora goes away. Do you set it nice for when she gets back? I ring her the day before. I'm like, tell me the exact hour you're going to be back. I don't even stay in our bed when she's away. I just stay on the couch. I order four dominoes and I just put them in the fridge

and I just eat them. Like, I'm fine. Are you not the chef? I'll cook, but when she's not there. It's hard to cook for one, isn't it? And also I'm just like, all of the things, all the good things about me are for her. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, she's the one who kind of boot me into shape. So when she's gone, I don't do anything. I sit on a couch. I play video games. I quickly turn into a sub-human when Seneca's off the house more than the day. How long? Submissing.

How- How- How long? Say, I know, like, your, I know Sereka's not going away for like six months. Prison, that sounds like prison. But if she was, like, a huge trip, could you just do feral, lone, lone, lone wolf car, dominoes in the fridge? for like a month or after like three or four weeks would you would just

no take of course you No no not because of that I mean Playing video games all day When you get old TV large You can't really do it Because you do get a bit

You're like oh no I'm a bit Feel a bit depressed there Do you mean When you're a kid you're like I can play this for 12 hours Yeah and when your missus goes away If you've got four days You're like quality

Yeah I'm just going to do time travel And be a 17 year old car again I can't do it anymore So last week she went away For five days to Ireland And genuinely day three I was like, I had to go on me staying as friends for a drink.

I need to get off the house because I was just rotting. I think I'm growing up as well. So while I was away, Julia's been doing a bit of dog sitting. Now Julia has got what she called, this is herself, she called it this. She's got a heavy handed ass, right? She sits down quite viciously.

And she's broke me fucking toilet seat, right? Is she? Yeah. She's, she's sat me toilet seat. seat off me toilet. She sat on it. It was fine. And now it isn't on the toilet.

Hang on. Is she sitting down for a shit? Like is she coming in at an angle? Like she's... Her plane. Yeah. Dan, look, there's no cameras in the bathroom because I was told I had to take them down.

Yeah. I don't know what happened. She texts Alex and was like, hey, I've sat your toilet seat off, right? And Alex sent that on to me. So, like, for the past week, it, you know, it hasn't been on and I've come back

because, you know, Alex had text, like a fellow who does some work in the house for us and be like, can you come and fix this? And he was like, yeah, I'll get around to that, but I'm a bit busy at the minute. Anyway, I've decided that tonight I'm probably going to try and fix it. Well done.

Nice on, lads. Well done for probably decided. He's been cancelled, so I think I'm going to sign it. Probably is he's going to think about fixing it and not. But that's enough. That's still enough to give yourself credit. Yeah. Yeah, move it into the bathroom and maybe take

like the packaging off. Yeah. And then that's all. done it, have you got a new one? No. Why, you got a notoriety? You should get a good, good, what, like mine. She wouldn't dare break my army to be fucking...

Punching it. You mean the, like, the Japanese one again? Yeah. Yeah, I can't get it plumbed in, my house. It's something to do with the plumbing or something. It will. Something to do with the Wi-Fi, you know, I think. He's a good plumbing, I'll do that, something to do with the plumbing.

So what do you think? You can do four days, but... Three days and then you started having to... Genuinely, I did it there. I felt fucking miserable. because I was like, I am not maintaining myself as a human. I'm just watching the telly, watching the footy, playing video games, eating shit, scrolling. She makes me...

You're not a big walkman either, are you? You can't just go for the walk. No, because then I'm just coming home again. I just staying home. It does my... Does anyone else get competitive about the time? I want Laura to come back and go, wow, it's spotless. That's why I get someone in.

Yeah. I'm not capable of that. I'm not capable of that. So I get someone in who is, and then I take the credit. Floor is away. I just got the cleaners out. Floor is away at the moment

and she asked me to take a wardrobe down. The first day she left and I didn't until last night at like 2 o'clock in the morning. Of course. Yeah, but I sent it. I messaged there every stage of it being like the doll rod.

Don't know what I mean? Like I needed to know I'm doing it. She's going to know when she gets back and it's down. Yeah, but I like... So she's getting messages at 2.30 in the morning of you going, right, halfway there, door off.

Do you know why it is then? It's because she says, me a message being like, do you reckon it'll be down by the time I get back? And that's a reasonable question. Passive aggressive, though. Thank you so much, guys. Thank you so much. Do you reckon that thing I actually do several days ago? We'll be finished. Yeah, yeah.

And I'll show you the text as well. She's a fucking absolute tyrant, this woman. But I was sure, yeah, but I did it. Do you know what I mean? Listen to her, listening to the, uh, nice one, lads, thank you. If I'm giving it, if she goes away for five days and she gives me a job, you'm doing that day one.

Are you fucking insane? I'll do that. You've got not on talk forward to. Yeah. I go, what time you home to the minute? You own with two o'clock? This takes an hour. I'm starting to half 12. She doesn't know.

Unless you text her. No, I wouldn't. I'd be like, I've done that. I love it when Alex goes away and gives me something to do. Because then that's what I'm doing. I'm doing that one thing. Because then if she comes back

and it is a shit tip, I'm like, I was doing the foot, I was taking that washing mask upstairs. The house is on fire. The wardrobe's down, no, in it, girl. When Laura goes away with the kids, That's the easiest tidy up ever because I don't make loads of mess. You have to put all my come in the bin, don't you?

I have to put all my come in the bin. Because when they're away, I will come all over my house. Obviously, you know, I need to know exactly when you got, and then I message you at every stage. I've taken the come off the sideboard. Comes out the oven. Will that come be away by the time I get that? Would you want to pull on me, come in the bin?

Now, Queen of Sheba's arrived. Do you see any cum? Dan, I would imagine your cums quite quite expensive cum. Viscous flankle? Yeah, like from everything you were telling me earlier on about your regime

of looking after yourself. Well, I haven't been selling it, but... No, you can't put peptides in your jizz. It doesn't reach your jizz, does it? It'll be in there, won't it? If you had a kid now, you wouldn't have, like, a muscular baby, but... Fucking yes.

That's how it works, is it? Oh, I'm not on muscular peptide, I'm on like, glowing peptides. I'm on the nice peptides. You know? You said he's taking a new one for his brain. Dominic Salanky. I'm going to start Dominic Solanke.

What's that? It's for, it's for just brain. It's for brain. I think you need it? Me need good brain. This unbranded raspberry juice is quite good for your brain, apparently. All right, I'll have a look at that.

Got cognizant in it? Cogne what? Cognizin. Actually, a cognizantzant straight. I think we all need it. Maya says, Ladd, have a word with my boyfriend.

We're in the car and I asked him to put his Spotify on and he said he couldn't because he had run out of data in big 2026 at the age of 27 tell him to grow up. Oh, he might be skinned.

Yeah, shut up, Maya. Data minimum now you're getting 20 gig. What are you doing in a month? month for 20 gig unless you're not using Wi-Fi. If you're not you're not using Wi-Fi, yeah. Yeah. When else Spotify, you can't be fucking shaming people because they've got no...

I mean, I've got loads downloaded on my Spotify. Like 95% of people have got like unlimited now. I've got unlimited data. Yeah, just like the package that you get now. Yeah, I think that's what she's saying. You're going against that. You're saying... No, but we need if he hasn't, don't know.

Poor guy long. When we started this podcast, I still had a Tom Tom. And I think that might have been one of the first moments when you went, fuck sake! And the six or seven years since then has just been a litany of those moments. But that was the, what the, it was like you just going, I don't even understand what the fuck you're on about. But in my head,

I didn't have enough data to be doing. But as soon as you get unlimited days. Were you still plugging that into your little siggy lighter than you can? Did you have to download the maps? Yeah. Would you have like Jim Royal talking over? Furn back my heart. I have, Mr.

T. I have. You think it Mr. T was a problem No, I don't know when Mr. T was the father figure in the royal family Well better

My heart Blah! I just got some questions to answer I had just him more else on it for a bit for about one journey and I found it dead annoying You just have to give him a lift

and he was just telling you yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah Just tell him sorry

They're out That's fair, it's fair in it? Yeah, I think you could do Have any of you who's got, I've got like Apocalypse plan on my phone Like, as in like, I've got stuff downloaded

in case I'm ever like in the wilderness So I've got like a couple of episodes of the office Some family guys, some music Oh, you'll be fine then Yeah, he'll be fine, you'll survive So you're preparing for the apocalypse If I get bored, yeah, in the apocalypse

You've downloaded like a Paul McCartney album That no one really likes I've got the whole people's discod I've got so many things downloaded playing journeys instantly you're paying off. Paul Welles says. Paul Weller.

Paul Weller says. My hair's shit. Have a word for you. I'm on a family. I'm on a family with me. I love Paul. Weller. I don't know what to do.

Can we leave Paul Weller alone? Is he either jam or wet, wet, wet, wet. Jam. Marty Palo's wet, wet, wet. There you go. I genuinely always get them mixed up. This is from neither. Have a word for you.

I'm on a family holiday, me, my wife and kids, various aunties and a cousin, who is here with his bird and their son. I got the kids dressed and stuck the telly on to keep them entertain while I had a shower. The cousin asked me to turn the telly off as his kids doesn't have screens. Good for you, but I don't think a bit of telly is the end of the world. We limit screen time. This would have been like for 10 minutes. If you don't want your kid to see it, go somewhere else.

Have a word with him for dictating what everyone else can do. Are you all sharing one room? Time to look the other way. What? Look away or close your eyes. I think that's going to be more scarring for a kid if you go, my kids are going to watch telly,

but you're going to stay in the room, just look the other way. Yeah, fucking, no. What do you mean? When I have kids, they're not having screens, tell them they're like 12. Yeah, but if we share it out,

yes, they will. They're not. Yeah. They're not going to watch the telly until they're 12. What are they going to do? Play with the cowboy hats. They can watch a film on the birthday. Play with the cowboy hats.

You don't know what a film is? That would be a treat, too. them. It will. It won't. They won't know what the fuck they're doing. You're going to raise some little of my Chloe. I'll be like, you're watching a film? They'll be like, watch that. I'll be like, watching you'll see.

Every birthday, Armageddon. Come on, kids. You're watching Angela's ashes again. Just a few good men. They're not going to have iPads and shit. I mean, if I have kids, I'm going to try and avoid that. This is poisoned our minds so much. and we were all adults when we got it.

I can't imagine what it's doing to kids. I just don't want my kids to be doing that. They're going to be reading and, like, doing snow hooters and stuff. When we took the screens away, my kids were like, oh, oh, God, iPad back. And you were like, no. They were like, oh, God, what am I going to do? You've got every fucking streaming service and two tellies.

Fuck off. It's only two tellies and tons. So hang on, you took their iPads off them and then went, go and use the big ones. Yeah. Go and use the iPad that's stuck on the wall. It is different. It's different.

They've not, they can't, it's the, it's, there's something about the dopamine hit of skipping through YouTube kids that is. Totally. It's, like, whatever that is. It's the same as TikTok for us, I know. Yeah, it's, was making Jack particularly into a little fucking knobbed.

What did they do now? Like so do, no likes of dokews and they? I just watched 11 hours of TV. That's healthy, isn't it? That's an improvement because I'm a good parent. I think that there's, I think that there's, I think when you're on the screen, you're just not thinking.

Do you know what I mean? Like, you just switch your brain off. Whereas if you're watching, Armageddon once a year in between Sudoku's especially if you're on that Dominic Solanqui the brains are going to be massive. Yeah, I'm going to get the kids on Dominic Salanki

for sure. Once a year they won't think it's a treat. They absolutely will think it's a treat. They'll call it Armageddon Day. What do you mean? Because they love the telly because they love the tell you. You don't know what this is, watch it.

And then they go... That's not how treats work. What? If you just go to Mackeys every now and then it's not like, oh, I don't know what this is. This is food? I don't remember last year. It's just a better thing.

If Sarah Cohen, you get a blowjob every year on your birthday, she wouldn't start notching you off, and you'd be like, I don't even know what's going on here. What damn fuck? But I've had blow jobs before. Right, okay. So I know what a blow job is.

Flex. No, Carl. No, Carl, genuinely, flex. Carl, the first time I showed them a film, they'll be like, wow, what's this? And I'll be like, watching you'll see. It's like a moving book. Right?

Will they have... It's like a sulaco with a story. Oh, they're reading. Oh, they're reading. They're going to be reading. They're going to be doing puzzles, like philosophical problems, like the trolley problem.

Give that to your three-year-old, see if he kills them all. And then they're going to school in Liverpool, are they? Yeah. All right. Good luck, Vinnie. Like the Stanford project is

with, like, my kids, like people like prisoners. I've seen that. Yeah. You're not on Netflix, aren't they've seen. Have you seen what happens every time? Yeah, everyone gets abused. Yeah, there's a film about it.

It's a fucking great school to Stanford project. So what about it? Are they going to watch the footy? Live. No radio? We did radio. What? Radio's all right, Charlie.

So hang on. They've got... Radio four. Just hope they say the score. So let's just track back. They've got books, puzzles, arts and crafts, yo-yo's, a season ticket each.

Yeah. But no screens. Yeah. That's cool. You need a screen now for the all-red pass for them to get a season ticket. All right.

Because it's all digital now, and I go with the game? And they can't check the score. You're going to have to get them a burner phone each. Yeah, not a paper ticket. They'll have to have, I've got me a awful of a burner phone to go to Anfield. But I'm not like release.

I can keep their phones in my pocket, can't I and scan them in? I don't have to just give them a phone and go off to Amfield. There you go. Now you've got three phones. Come back to murder, it's your fourth birthday. Like what? You can't apply for a paper ticket, by the way? Can you?

Yeah, because if you're old and don't know what to use your phone, you've got to prove that you're stupid. What if there's a replay on the big screen at Amfield? They're not allowed to look at it. Is they really not? No. They can't even check the score, they don't know,

score it, isn't it? They've been watching. Adam's like, don't you fucking look up there. 20 minutes left. I'll tell you. On the roads when it says like the speed limit,

they're not allowed to look. It's getting tickets constantly. I just don't want them, you know, go and fucking like smack head insane. So the truth is they might get to watch a couple of films a year

or whatever, don't I mean? But they're mainly reading, writing and solving puzzles. What's going to happen there is you're going to get them on the 10A right. They're going to look at that little screen. You know what? You see the back of people's heads

and they're going to fucking lose the minds. Try and look at your own head like that. Yeah, and I used to do this. I'd be like, about there they are there? I'm already worried about these kids, Adam Rose kids on the bus, trying to swipe the screen.

What is this? Father? I'm all by the tigers. That's a podcast, everyone. Yeah, it's a podcast. Have we done? Jake, have you got anything you would like to tell our listeners about?

Anything to plug, socials. Yeah, follow me on Instagram. Jake's a great follow on Instagram. Really fucking good stuff. Cheers, Dan. I appreciate that. Watch your handle. Jake Patrick Zero One.

And I've got a show coming up on the 9th of November in London if anyone wants to buy tickets to that. That'll be nice. Where did he get tickets? They get tickets at my Instagram in the bio. Where's the venue? It's the Bill Murray.

Oh, cool. You do a lot with them, don't you? I do a lot with them, yeah. I do a lot with them, yeah. I'm resident. Tem City there. So, yeah, it's nice. It's good, good stuff.

Biltre. Of course. My tour starts next week. Nice. Island first, then on to the UK. Adamrodeco.com. At UK. Tickets.

Loads of sellouts now for Dan Nightingale and Friends. The next one with tickets available is the 16th of October in Brighton. No, it's the 15th. It's around then. Thursday. It's the Thursday of that week. Brighton. Dan Nightingale.com.

We've got Film Cup tickets in the bio It's a special Halloween one Yeah tickets will be out now There's not many tickets It's like 90 so just go and get them As soon as you can't Oh Wednesday night this week The 23rd

I'm doing a show at Pins Roof again In the Sunshine Chris Kent Who is doing the podcast next week Asked me to put a gig on for them So I'm going to host it I'll book a couple of sport acts Chris will close it

And Chris Kent is one of the funniest people Oh he's so good In the fucking world So if you want to come and see Chris I don't know where tickets for that are trying for han. I was on the bio. Just make a little challenge.

There's loads of tickets in the bio. You can have a big smorgas board of Havarware. Jake smashed it. Great up. Cheers lads. See you everyone. Bye, Felicia.