Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #40 Shutdown Pod (VIA ZOOM) -w/Adam & Dan

Episode Date: April 23, 2020

Thanks to our sponsors Beer52.com, TransAlloy Wheels LTD and Lightwork Podcast Studio, follow us @haveawordpod and find us on YouTube. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoi...ces Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 What's happening, guys? It's Adam here. Just a quick word from our sponsors before we kick off today's episode. That is Beer52.com. Beer52 is the UK's most popular craft beer discovery club. They're number one, baby! And they'll send you some amazing beers every month, and you can rate and review them via their website to earn points and rewards. Now, every month's beers that you get sent will have a brand new theme.
Starting point is 00:00:21 Past themes have been the beers of Germany, California, Belgium, Korea, New Zealand, South Africa and many, many more. And they've kindly given our listeners an exclusive offer. You'll get a free case of eight beers, an award-winning beer magazine and a tasty snack the second you sign up. They'll send them out in the post here. And you can't catch Corona from the post. All you have to do is pay a
Starting point is 00:00:40 few quid for the delivery and you can cancel or pause your membership at any time. Sign up now at beer52.com slash word. That's our exclusive link. That's B-E-E-R 52.com slash W-O-R-D. You'll claim your free case of beer, and for every person that signs up via that link only, they slide us a little bit of money.
Starting point is 00:00:59 That supports the podcast. It helps us out. It's win-win. So do us a favor. Pause the pod here. Go and do that now, and then enjoy the episode Nice one
Starting point is 00:01:05 See you in a bit Fucking did it in one take bro Yeah man Now I'm getting the word Nuts Cha Upset me
Starting point is 00:01:17 Nasty bitch Catch me outside How about that I'm big bonded I'm heavy structured I'm hung low If I pull my shit out this whole room, get dark. Disgusting!
Starting point is 00:01:27 It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel like podcasting. With video on YouTube, on social media, at Have A Word Pod, you're listening to the funniest podcast in the game. Have a word. Shut down dailies. Let's get through this mess together oh gee have you got a proper shirt on there Oh, gee. Have you got a proper shirt on there? Yeah. A button-up shirt? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:02:13 Just for being in the house? Just, I've been doing DIY. I've been doing a button-up shirt. I've not been doing DIY in a shirt. And then I've had a shower, and the only thing hung up looking relatively respectable was the fucking shirt that I ironed the other day and didn't wear. So I thought, we're going fucking formal here, kids. I can't believe, like,
Starting point is 00:02:37 do I just want to be a slob and just have a T-shirt on all the time? Well, we're on, what are we on? Day fucking, I i mean it feels like it must be day what 35 of doing this shit every day this is the first time i've not worn a cheap fucking hoodie or t-shirt but yeah it was just the case of it was just i was i was really down to the last minute fucking around doing diy and uh i've left this pretty tight I'm also having a beer are you becoming a piss head Daniel yes yeah yeah I basically did three bits of DIY felt so fucking pleased with myself I was like no I'm having a beer forgetting that one can of Cronenberg
Starting point is 00:03:22 with a little bit of lemonade top for the lady makes me feel fucking rosy. So I've had to have a little word with myself and calm down while I was painting a fucking... I was painting a fence going, oh, fuck. I don't know if it was the fumes of the paint
Starting point is 00:03:37 or the one Cronenberg, but like a little fucking lightweight. I was like, I feel a bit drunk. So yeah, maybe it's my alcohol has made me dress up a little bit smarter than usual, but fucking... Does it like i feel a bit drunk so yeah maybe it's my alcohol has made me dress up a little bit smarter than usual but fucking does it make you feel nice do you feel all smart and
Starting point is 00:03:51 the alcohol does the alcohol makes me feel really good like it's gonna be all positive but yeah it was just that it was it was a case of just jumping out of the shower and i just grabbed the first thing that was there and because we had that barbecue the other night i was like i might wear a shirt and then i fucking didn't so it's just been sat there and i can't see any job interviews weddings or court appearances coming anytime fucking soon so this is it i'm formal for the pod i have just been whatsapped by a comedian being a miserable slightly selfish fucker I don't know if you I don't know if this happens to you but there's only a few guys like this and I know
Starting point is 00:04:30 they're not like bad guys but people sort of are having a bad little moment so they decide to like include you in it so someone one of our comedian mates has just read on some I bet not reputable fucking news agency that oh
Starting point is 00:04:47 yeah the lockdown could be till christmas and we might not be working till christmas so he has read that and then gone well what'd you make of this though apparently the news says it's not gonna we're not gonna be working till christmas now we you and me discuss this all the time about when the shutdown's gonna be released for everyone, when we're going to be allowed to go back to work. However, if someone's not in the fucking mood for that, I'd consider that a pretty selfish, self-concerned fucking WhatsApp. What if I'm having a fucking nightmare?
Starting point is 00:05:22 I could be having a nightmare. I'm actually having a fucking belter because i've had two cronenberg tops and i've painted a fucking fence but that's not the point is it i'm just about to record i'm saying all this shit up i'm excited to talk to you we we literally like a menstrual woman that's what you're doing what no it doesn't matter that i'm in a good mood okay the thing is i could have been in a bad mood and that hasn't ruined my day but that had the potential to ruin my day. It's not put me in a great... I just texted
Starting point is 00:05:49 him back, mate, and the thing is, I know this is slightly eggy, I just texted him back going, mate, these Whatsapps are like little emotional Molotov cocktails. You're just fucking wazzing them out there. And he was like, oh, sorry man, I just read it. And I was like, yeah, but I tell you what, why don't you message me and go, you're alright mate, what are you up to? And if I'm like, do you know what, I'm having a fucking... You know, like, oh, sorry, man, I just read it, and I was like, yeah, but I tell you what, why don't you message me and go, you all right, mate?
Starting point is 00:06:06 What are you up to? And if I'm like, do you know what? I'm having a fucking, you know, like, you've had bad days, haven't you? We've had bad days where you've not slept, your anxiety goes up. I think what you should do in these situations, and this goes for everyone, if you're having one of them days and you get a message, it can send you under that little bit further. So if you're reading something and you're like, fuck, this is bad news,
Starting point is 00:06:28 before you just fucking throw it out there to a WhatsApp group, maybe go, how you doing, mate? Are you okay? You having a good day or a bad day? If someone's like, yeah, I'm nearly suicidal today, well, let me just tip you over the fucking edge. I'm having a bad day today, you know. Like, not like anxiety or anything, but just
Starting point is 00:06:47 I feel like everything's a bit fucking pointless. Do you know, have you had that day yet? I woke up at quarter past two. I text you a heart, because we were scheduled to record at four o'clock, and at quarter past two I woke up, and I was like, I'm not ready for the pod in an hour and a half.
Starting point is 00:07:04 I just don't want to do that. So, I woke up, and Jay was like, oh, not ready for the pod in an hour and a half. I just don't want to do that. So I woke up and Jay was like, oh, you've been all lazy. I've been asleep until two o'clock. And I was like, you know, I might go back to sleep. Like, what? What am I getting up for? I get up, I do the podcast and then I go and sit on the couch and play FIFA and wait until a socially acceptable time to go to bed.
Starting point is 00:07:23 I'm not joking. What the fuck could we do without this podcast oh man and i know we've done loads of versions like we appreciate you so much and thanks for supporting us and thanks for the page i'm not i'm not talking about any of this i'm just talking about what the fuck else have we got like i i love my family If it wasn't for this today, I'd still be in bed now. Like, not even a question. It's not even... It might be. I would be in bed.
Starting point is 00:07:51 Maybe not asleep, but I would be in bed watching something on the telly or whatever, scrolling on my phone. I would not have left. I'd still be completely butt naked. And this is exactly why
Starting point is 00:08:04 I think I've done this today. I'm like, I've done two jobs around the house. You deserve it, Dan, because you're driving fucking nowhere and you're dealing with fucking selfish WhatsApps. Have a beer. You deserve it. If I hadn't been for this podcast today, I would now be six Cronenbergs in
Starting point is 00:08:21 and being like fucking aggressive to the fence. Like, no, you're a fucking to the fence like no you fucking dickhead you're a fucking dickhead fence like oh god and obviously people with parents like you have to you've just got to be there for your kids I'm so self aware about this sort of stuff now
Starting point is 00:08:37 that I know I'm being a whining little twat like if I was my friend I'd be like oh shut up yeah you've got to get up you've got to do some stuff tidy it i was go for a walk do whatever the fuck you need to do but i'm not listening to my own advice today i'm just like but there's no point is there there's just nothing to do there's just nothing and even though i'm thinking that there's another bit of my brain it's like i've got schizophrenia there's a bit i'm having an argument with myself in my head
Starting point is 00:09:03 i have been it's half two that's good that that self having an argument with myself in my head i have to that's good that that self-awareness that argument in your head is the thing that stops you being a full-blown sociopath like you need that argument in your head like fuck today i'm just gonna stay what's the fucking point no adam come on mate you've got a responsibility to your listeners and yourself and also dan you know you're doing this to get no, but I'm just full. What's the fucking point? Like you need, if you don't have that back and forth, you just stay in bed and miss the pod.
Starting point is 00:09:29 Like, it's like people who have that instinct to murder, like, Oh, I might murder someone. Then the rest of that is like, yeah, but don't though.
Starting point is 00:09:35 Yeah, no, but I might like, you need, you know, when you hear voices in your head, like you need at least two just to bounce off the fucking scary voice. I,
Starting point is 00:09:44 yeah, I taught, I feel for voice. Do you know what else? Yeah, I feel for you. Do you know what's doing me fucking head in, right? So, the house has got a bit messy. Like, it's not dirty, but it's just a bit messy. Dirty in a Scouse accent sounded good. You're dirty. Like, there's still a load of empty beer bottles in the office there that I can see right now from last week.
Starting point is 00:10:03 Downstairs in the living room, there's shop and weave balls and just not put away, like not fridge stuff or freezer stuff, but there's like multi-packs of crisp in the living room because I just couldn't be arsed
Starting point is 00:10:12 putting them away. There's like crates of beer, crates of Pepsi, Robinsons. There's just a load of shit in the living room that shouldn't be there.
Starting point is 00:10:22 It sounds like you've got licensed premises underneath your flat. That's literally every landlord like, yeah, tell me about it, mate. Crates and multi-pack of crisps. It looks like a fucking pub cellar. That's what it looks like. Yeah. And then I'm still
Starting point is 00:10:36 washing my clothes and that, but when I take my clothes out to wash, they're just going in a big pile in the living room. There's just a big pile of clean washing. There's two washing baskets. Yesterday's pizza that I had is still on the table in the box. It's just a bit messy now.
Starting point is 00:10:52 We've got a bit of a fucking problem in that. The house obviously needs to tidy. It'll probably take a few hours to tidy it. Good effort on a few hours and it'll be sorted. Can't be arsed doing that, as I've said, not in the mood. There's a fucking leak, mate. There's a leak and it's leaking from
Starting point is 00:11:07 the bath into the kitchen to the point where I was making curry before I started making a curry. Jade was getting a shower and I've had to throw the curry away because her fucking bath water was dribbling through the fucking ceiling into the curry. And
Starting point is 00:11:23 we need the landlord to come out. The landlord can't come in at the minute because it looks like we're running a fucking sweatshop brothel pizza place. How do you even do that? I can't invite the landlord out until we tidy up. And I can't tidy up because I've got fucking lazy bastard syndrome for the day.
Starting point is 00:11:42 So we're just going to have to have a leak from the bathroom to the kitchen for a month. Oh, oh christ it's when the taps start working you get so lazy that you're drinking the drip from the bath water like i need to do something are landlords allowed to come around and fix your shit yet i mean is that is that allowed i don't know i mean it's not is that not essential yeah but i, what would you have to do? Do you have to just stand at one side of the fucking room while they're at the other, social distancing while they fix it? Yeah, it's probably like going to Tesco, isn't it?
Starting point is 00:12:16 Just stay two metres apart. Right, yeah. I could see why, even if you could be arsed, you wouldn't do it. It's not my fucking house. I don't mind bathwater curry, actually. It tells fucking Rogan Josh with a little bit of shower gel. I feel weirdly relaxed. Ray dogs, Josh.
Starting point is 00:12:46 Oh, God. You seem good, though. You know, considering I've done, like, we've said this before. We're spending such intense time together now, like a death row inmate and the lawyer just before the final appeal. This is how much fucking FaceTime we've got. I'm starting to get your, you're in a good mood.
Starting point is 00:13:08 I can tell you're not doing like angry eyebrows. Yeah, I, I'm in a good mood because I've recognized how much of a whining bitch I'm being and I'm laughing at myself for it. Do you know what I mean? It's like, it's like I've, I've sort of overcome it by talking about it.
Starting point is 00:13:25 I'm seeing how fucking ridiculous it sounds. But it makes me go, oh yeah. After the pod, I'm probably going to go I was on my bike now. I feel all right. I'm going to go do some exercise. I'm not going to drunk ride. I told that that what's the point vibe
Starting point is 00:13:42 is a fucking dangerous thing. I've even got a bit bored of wanking. That's, I think that's when you know the fucking pandemic's really taking effect. I just can't. What's the point? It's just every, you know,
Starting point is 00:13:56 sometimes it's a treat. You're like, Oh, she doesn't want to sleep next to me tonight. I'll go in the spare room. I'm back in my bedroom. She doesn't hear it. It's consistent.
Starting point is 00:14:03 It's too consistent. I'm like, Oh, I just don't know. That's bad. It's too consistent. I'm like, oh. I just don't know. That's a bad sign, isn't it? I've been wanking three times a day. What? Just after every meal. No wonder you're tired. Not a
Starting point is 00:14:16 poke-y bum. I have my breakfast wank. I have my post-podcast lunch wank. And I have my dinner wank, which is actually about 11 o'clock at the minute because I'm eating late. The dinner wank. Not to be confused with the dinner party.
Starting point is 00:14:35 Yesterday I ordered a pizza and they gave me a napkin with the pizza that came in the little bag with the chips and nuts. So that was good because that meant I didn't have to use any of the toilet roll that was holding oh where did you get it from
Starting point is 00:14:48 which? the pizza and the chips and a place called deep pan express just one of those shitty oh yes mate with guys that work there where you think they're Turkish but they could be Syrian but you're not sure generic middle eastern yeah welcome to ethnically ambiguous pizza think they're Turkish but they could be Syrian but you're not sure generic Middle Eastern
Starting point is 00:15:05 yeah welcome to ethnically ambiguous pizza there's one that can't talk English that one that's super friendly and there's one that looks like he fucking hates you every one of them there's one young lad who cannot speak the language even if he tries there's one who's like
Starting point is 00:15:22 the character and then there's one who's like are you oh god what are you doing to my food you seem like you despise me i would love access to one of those fuckers you've not got one i have but it's it's in the student bit of chester which is about three or four miles about three miles from from these takeaways now if i think maybe the pandemic's changed it but usually if you ring up and you go look this is where i am in most cities where there's loads of takeaways they'll be like shit we need the business brilliant let's do it i think in chester they're like oh god it's to them it's just so much further they're like oh god you know where that is there's like seven minutes in the car it's's fine. No, it's exactly.
Starting point is 00:16:05 But they're like, oh, we cannot drive all the way there. I might as well go back to fucking Afghanistan. You're like, we're literally just on the edge. We're near, you know, we're just. Oh, what am I supposed to do? Put it in a car and drive 2.8 miles? Yeah, honestly. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:16:24 One guy, this is how bad it was, he was like, well, we're going to have to charge you a minimum 15 pounds. So I didn't want 15 quid of food, so I had to have five cans of Diet Coke at like a pound of fucking pop. That's like that. You make it up with drinks, don't you?
Starting point is 00:16:39 Top it up with fucking drinks. Ugh. There was a place, this was about 10 years ago now, but I was hungover and I woke up like very, very late in the afternoon and to the point where these places were already
Starting point is 00:16:53 open and I rang up and I was like, can I have the £5 pizza deal, please? Because I'd walked in this place before. It's not far from me, Dad's, but I couldn't be arsed with the walk that day. Can I have the £5 pizza deal? So you used to get get for a fiver you get a pizza with any three toppings 10 inch a portion of chips and a can of coke for a fiver oh i don't even care what type of oil or fuck like when you're slight even if you've got a little bit of alcohol in you that is a good deal isn't it
Starting point is 00:17:23 and he went to me, you can, my friend, but are you coming to collect? And I went, no, no, no, no. Really sorry. I need delivery. And he's like, oh, for delivery, a minimum £15. And I went, I'll have 10 Lucas Aids. I got a £5 pizza deal with a can of Coke and 10
Starting point is 00:17:42 orange Lucas Aids. And eight of them were still in the multi-pack wrapper. Not to be sold individually. I'm fucking not. I'm not. I'm selling...
Starting point is 00:17:53 You know... Have I told you about the time I blackmailed the fella who works in the corner shop? I don't know how we got here, but I'm so happy we've arrived.
Starting point is 00:18:09 Go. It's because you said the multi-pack thing. So I was like 16 or something, maybe a bit younger, maybe 15. And me and my mates were going to have a nice in, play FIFA and get like, just get a bit pissed on,
Starting point is 00:18:22 like get a few beers. And we went to the corner shop and was like took a load like a couple of crates to the counter and he goes do you have any ID and we go no we're not old enough mate but just serve us doesn't matter does it and he goes I'm afraid my friend we can't serve you you're clearly too young
Starting point is 00:18:38 you've just admitted it no no no we went mate listen we will grass you up to trading standards for selling multi-pack lucas aids individually unless you serve us this beer and he fucking sold us it you fucking evil little shit what what 15 year old has even got the attention to detail to notice that fucking bullshit we come up with it as a plan. Like we said, we'll go round, we'll get it,
Starting point is 00:19:08 and if he says no, we'll say we'll grasp him up to trading standards. Fucking hell. Mate, if you're that shop owner, I cannot believe that you didn't call the 15-year-old's bluff. Well, go on then. you'll find the
Starting point is 00:19:26 fucking email for trading standards like any like any three 15 year olds who basically just want to play FIFA again be like right we're going to use this sobriety dear sir Imran's news in Dovecote are selling
Starting point is 00:19:41 answers in West Arby why would you risk your business when you can just give me me beer? It's either you're going to give me it or I'm going to go and stand outside and get someone to go in for me. So... Oh, right.
Starting point is 00:19:54 Did you ever do that? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Most people do it for you as well. You didn't have to wait very long around here. People are sound. I clocked the specky brew in the our local co-op after we talked about it ages ago in on the podcast it's one of them things where you're like oh i didn't
Starting point is 00:20:12 even think it existed but it was just it's just there in the pop my co-op and honestly if this drinking continues by the time we get to saturday's lockdown lockin, if my beer52.com order's not come, and it probably won't because I've not ordered it yet, I might just get a Specky brew for the fucking sake of it. They're in a four-pack. You're like, guys, just one at a time. I can smell it, and I don't like it. Are we going to have a beer after all this malarkey? Are we going to actually... Are we going to have a beer after all this malarkey? Are we going to actually...
Starting point is 00:20:47 Are we going to do... Are we going to have a beer at the thank you show? Because honestly... We're doing an after party. Now, here... Yeah, I know. Yeah, we definitely are.
Starting point is 00:20:56 Are we doing it at Hot Water? We are doing it at Hot Water, aren't we? Probably. In my head, but I... We'll see. Like, I think we're going to need
Starting point is 00:21:04 a bigger venue, but we'll see. Are we going to have to need a bigger venue, but we'll see. Are we going to have to do two? Are we going to have to do an early show and a late show? It might have to be like two days back to back. Yeah. Because the shows are going to be big. It's not going to be an hour-long show like a tour show where you can do two.
Starting point is 00:21:19 There's 320-odd patrons right now, and all the £3 get a ticket what what did we say is it the five pounds and the ten pounds they get two tickets don't they yeah and there's not like most people are either five or ten yeah like so that's got to come that i think that offer i think april might be have to be the end of the free so if if you're thinking, fuck, I want a free ticket, that can't go on forever. So I think this might be the last week of the, if you sign up for Patreon, you know.
Starting point is 00:21:55 I think if you want to do it, now might be the time to fucking do it. Because we're going to have to call it soon because there isn't a venue that is going to let us do a 600-person show where we're like guys i know we can't there's no ticket sales they're gonna be like were you fucking more what how does podcast work fucking idiot who what it's free you know podcasts are mainly free i think yeah i think if we say the end of april if you're a patreon by the by the end of April, on the midnight on the last day of April, then you get your free ticket to the thank you show. And then after that, I think...
Starting point is 00:22:32 We're changing it up, aren't we? We're changing it up. We're working on the structure, a restructure of the patrons so that the patron members finally get some really good benefits for being... Exclusive content. Exclusive content and also a bit of discount on like
Starting point is 00:22:46 long-term tickets and also we're going to look at launching a bit of merch which so many people keep tweeting and emailing us about saying when's the merch coming um we're looking to get that out uh early may and the patrons will get a good bit of dizzy on that uh as a thank you but here's the thing we're going to get released from the shutdown and i think venues are going to be deemed as non-essential so there is going to be a wee while before this a thank you show can happen and we're gigging again but we're working on the podcast so there's going to be this dangerous time for me and booze where we're released back into the world and we can go and live our life.
Starting point is 00:23:28 I've got friends I want to see. I've got a life I want to live. And I'm not going to have the restrictions of like five gigs a week. I'm coming to fucking Liverpool, mate. I'm coming to Liverpool. I want to do a fact-finding tour of West Derby, Dovecote, Noggy Dogs. I want to meet some Noggy Dogs. I just just want to go anywhere you can go there on your own not a screen did um did you see last night what freddie quinn did who the fuck is that press the button press the button i've
Starting point is 00:23:58 retired the button have you really so i wanted to let this quietly die because we hammered Freddie when we were getting like 1,500 downloads an episode. We hammered him, and it was funny. And then we got to like 3,500, 4,000 downloads an episode, and we completely reignited it, and it was happening on Twitter all the time. And then me and Freddie talked, and he basically ignored two messages from me. I'm like, he's getting eggy.
Starting point is 00:24:31 And like all comedians, eventually a joke, it's sort of one of those things where I'm not that bothered. It was funny for a while. I don't want to continue. If it's pissing him off, he now has fucking ruined that, hasn't he? I have even tried to do it behind your back because i was like i'm gonna try and not have this button i'm gonna see if adam just gets bored as well because comedians will get bored of a joke we'll want to move on
Starting point is 00:24:57 and freddy has lit the fucking touch paper hasn't he he messaged me and said oh it's starting to just do me a bit to be honest and i was like you do realize that'saged me and said, Oh, it's starting to just do me. I didn't a bit to be honest with you. And I was like, you do realize that to me, that's the only time it's funny is when it annoys you. Yeah. And he was like, yeah, but it's just a bit fucking annoying.
Starting point is 00:25:12 I was like, Oh, shut up. And he was like, you need to tell people to stop. And I was like, I'm fucking not. You've done so many practical jokes on me down the years.
Starting point is 00:25:19 You rat. Do you remember when, um, you won best actor to Northwest comedy awards and I was nominated and Freddie told me I'd won. Cause I Best Act at the Northwest Comedy Awards and I was nominated and Freddie told me I'd won because I wasn't at the ceremony? Yeah. And he was like, oh, that was the funny one.
Starting point is 00:25:32 I was like, well, let's just pay back for that. So shut up. But last night, Freddie Quinn put on Twitter saying, if anyone in the next 24 hours sends me that Conor McGregor gif of who the fuck is that guy? I'll essentially roast you. I'll give you a personal insult of you or your family. There's been some fucking brutal ones.
Starting point is 00:25:56 And I just think we've given Freddie a lot of shit over this podcast. So after this episode comes out, I think maybe tomorrow morning when it's out and a lot of people have listened to it, I'm going to retweet all of Freddie's roasts. So if you go to have a weird pod, you can go and look at the things Freddie's been saying to people and give him a follow because he's a little whining little fuck. Give him a follow.
Starting point is 00:26:13 The thing is, I like it was funny. I don't want to genuinely fuck up. And also with a shutdown, you've got to be careful with where people's heads are at that was partly my thinking but when he said like when he said to you you need to tell him to stop you're like you're fucking mental you don't have you listened to the content we're putting out
Starting point is 00:26:38 do you think we control the people that listen to have a word these fucking that mate we're all the same type of dickhead and you know what freddie doesn't like mate we're all the same type of dickhead and you know what freddie doesn't like about is he's the same type of dickhead that listens to this you me freddie and everyone that listens you have to be a certain type of dickhead to a say these things or b find them funny and freddie is one of these people he should then know that if we turn around and go, guys, could you not say that to Freddie? Everyone would be like, what the fuck is these guys? It was like, mate, I would love to see who voted for me in Best Compare when I sincerely asked, please no one vote for me.
Starting point is 00:27:16 Because I'd suggest I did really well in that fucking vote. And a lot of those votes would have been people taking the piss. You can't tell people who listen to this pod, don do something but he is totally reignited i am a bit i'm not gonna keep it going i'm bored of it but those fucking roasts are amazing the girl who who the fuck is that guy at him and then he went through her twitter found a picture and said whoa you look like what would happen if Groupon did abortions the most brutal one that I did not expect because obviously we don't know all of our listeners
Starting point is 00:27:53 we get the tweets from them but we don't know their personalities and we assume they find a lot funny but with a lot of people there's a line with some people some guy tweets at them, who the fuck is that guy and Freddie screenshots in his profile picture, which is him and his daughter, and drew a dick going from his crotch
Starting point is 00:28:10 to his daughter's mouth. And when I seen that, I was like, fuck me. This guy is not going to like that. You're making him fuck his own daughter's mouth. And the guy replied and said, brutal, love it,
Starting point is 00:28:22 or something like that. You've got a new fan. He's followed Freddie. His name's Luke Wood, I think and said, brutal, love it, or something like that. You've got a new fan. He's followed Freddie. His name's Luke Wood, I think. Oh, brutal. So, to be fair to Freddie, he's gone, he's almost like gone through the full circle of this, hasn't he?
Starting point is 00:28:35 He's got, oh yeah, it's just a joke. Oh yeah, it's a bit annoying. No, no, it is fucking annoying now. Right, well, you told him to stop. And then he's gone full circle to making it really funny again. So, Luke, who, mate make any also anyone who asked for it and then got pissy about the roast can fuck off but freddie's done a fucking bro the guy who messaged him and he said your face is so generic and round you look like a computer generated football manager on a computer game and I looked at the picture of him and I was like
Starting point is 00:29:07 that is one of the best fucking roasts I actually think weirdly Freddie has been floundering for years trying to work out what he is as a comedian topical, edgy promoter I think he's actually specifically found it, have a word Twitter
Starting point is 00:29:23 roast guy, he's fucking exceptional. Go and follow him. We will retweet tomorrow. Once this episode hits 1,000 downloads, which is normally about eight, nine hours after it goes out, then I'll retweet all of Freddie's things once a lot of you have heard what's been going on. Let's have a word from our sponsors now then lids i want to tell you about trans alloy wheels limited alloy
Starting point is 00:29:52 wheel refurbishments car body work and customization services in leeds and throughout west yorkshire basically these guys can sort your wheels out and if you listen to this thinking well i'm not like a boy racer i'm not that bothered about my car mate i drive a volvo and after the fucking rona i'm going to these guys at transilo wheels limited when i'm gigging in yorkshire and i'm going to get them to sort out the alloys that are all scuffed up and fucked on my volvo v40 so even if you've got a sensible dadmobile or you've inherited your Nana's banger Soup up the wheels get them sorted if you part like a bellend get them tied it up make them look smarter Go the full hog get them jazzed up get them glitter. Get them gold. Just live your life through your alloy wheels
Starting point is 00:30:37 They can add value to your car and make it look fucking smart They use the same techniques as the biggest car manufacturers and they offer powder coating, diamond cutting, painting, new tyres, acid stripping and shot blasting, tyre fitting and removal. They do car body repairs and they have a pick-up and delivery service. They also do insurance work. These guys have got amazing reviews online. Come and get your wheels souped up, changed and refurbished. And this is the best bit.
Starting point is 00:31:02 All Have A Word listeners will receive 25% off everything. I'm going. I'm getting my saving. These guys are amazing. Trans Alloy Wheels Limited. Get them on Facebook, Insta, online, the lot. Nice one, lads.
Starting point is 00:31:16 I don't know about you, but I'm feeling triggered. It must be Have A Word with Adam and Dave. Hey, baby, what's happening? Let's do some would you rathers. Yes. Yes, fam.
Starting point is 00:31:30 I know we can't do the would you rathers all the time because they end up getting boring, but they are my favourite bit of the middle. In this middle section when we do would you rathers, they're my favourite ones. Yeah, they are really good. But I also think you can overdo them a little bit. People love sending them in as well.
Starting point is 00:31:49 I just don't want them to get sort of tired. Can I just say this before we crack on? We need some more songs. We're running low on songs. We've got a few left, but we are running low. So if you're in a band or you know someone who is, get them to send us an MP3 or a WAV file of their tune along with any social media they want us to plug.
Starting point is 00:32:14 Send that to haveawirdpod at gmail.com. We need some more tunes, please. Here's one that I came up with. Would you rather never be able to eat the chippy again or never eat dominoes? Oh, dominoes? Oh, really? Chippy beats all? Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:32:36 Oh. Salt and pepper chicken from a chippy. You what? What did you get from the chippy? Salt and pepper chicken. Oh, salt and pepper. Oh, yeah, because you've got a Chinese scale still. Chippy, aren't you? Yeah, maybe and pepper. Oh yeah. Cause you've got a Chinese scale and was still chippy.
Starting point is 00:32:45 Yeah. Yeah. Maybe. Well, is there anything I could have offered up there? Cause I, I didn't know. Chippy beats all. Chippy beats all. The closest one would be McDonald's.
Starting point is 00:32:56 Really? Chinese. McDonald's. Yeah. KFC and Indian. Joint third. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Then then Domino's then shitty pizza places Burger King is below that
Starting point is 00:33:13 I think Burger King is the worst Burger King is fucking rank mate Burger King is when there's no other option Burger King is when you're at a service station and you're fucking gutted that mcdonald's or kfc didn't turn up you're like oh come on junction 22 you twat yeah that's how bad burger king is sometimes i'd rather go to marks and
Starting point is 00:33:39 spencer's food all and get a fucking sandwich you sometimes, I don't even get a sandwich I get like tapas, I get like some chorizo, I get some mozzarella sticks some pork scratching bits and I just get like, they have a little three for seven pound offering Marks and Spencer's food hall and I get that he's changed hasn't he guys, you're hearing it
Starting point is 00:34:02 maybe get some olives all that fucking oil money that he's banking on. Oh, yeah, lad. I get in the fucking Marks and Spencer's feud on me. Not even just for me fucking Percy fucking pigs. Eating mess. Burger King as well. They know their place.
Starting point is 00:34:18 And that's why it's so expensive in Burger King. Burger King is the most expensive out of all those takeaways I've just described. And it's because of simple supply and demand. You only buy Burger King when there's no other option. And because there's no other option, they can charge you fucking 11 quid for a large meal. What? What, in the service stations?
Starting point is 00:34:36 And in general Burger King restaurants. They're the most expensive. I fucking despise them. Mate, I hope Five Guys wipes them off the face of the fucking earth. Five Guys is well better than Burger King. Oh, you're wrong. Here's the thing with Five Guys. Five Guys is better.
Starting point is 00:34:56 It's better than Mackey's as well, and it's better than Burger King. But it's not as good as the price. It's good. But if they were like, it's like nine quid for a burger or something, isn't it? It's not proper fast food, is it though? It's boutique. It's basically,
Starting point is 00:35:16 it's a ZZ's or a Pizza Express serenading, or what do I mean? It's not serenading. Masquerading. That was it. Serenading. Masquerading. That was serenading. Do you want some meat, Dan? Guys, have a burger on us.
Starting point is 00:35:35 Hey, Dan, you look so tubby. Do you want to get a little bit more tubby? It's masquerading as basically fast food, but it is actually a 30 quid meal for two, isn't it? Yeah, it's... It's not good enough to charge that price. If it was six quid for a burger and five guys, I'm all in. I'd go there pretty much
Starting point is 00:35:56 all the time, because it would trump. And I don't mean with the chips. I mean, you could charge six quid just for a burger in there, but it's about nine, and it's just too much. It's too much. I really want a five guys though. Five guys has reopened and they've built on Deliveroo.
Starting point is 00:36:14 It's like chain to reopen. Nice. I'm still arguing with Turkish guys about fucking discount pizza. We're not coming that far. Too far. Can't drive there. I told you about that vegan chippy, which, by the way,
Starting point is 00:36:27 I'd like to give them another shout out. If you do want any takeaway foods and you're in the South Liverpool area, Wu-Tang Scran on Lark Lane.
Starting point is 00:36:35 Completely vegan Chinese takeaway. It's delicious. I'm not vegan. I'm a big meat lover, but I love it in there. Jade's obsessed with it, obviously,
Starting point is 00:36:43 because she's a sort of flexitarian. She's a with it, obviously, because she's a sort of flexitarian. She's a vegan when she can be asked. They don't deliver to here, right? And on Deliveroo, and they don't do, they're not answering the phone at the minute because they're getting that many orders. So what Jade did the other day,
Starting point is 00:37:01 she ordered a Deliveroo from that chippy to next door to that chippy and drove and waited outside that chippy so a Deliveroo guy walked into Wootanskran brought our food out and was like hang on the address for this is right next door and then Jade was like that's for me
Starting point is 00:37:19 I live in West Derby just give us the food so she got a Wootanskran delivered to Wu-Tang Scrant and just went and picked it up. Marry that woman. She's a fucking genius. She's a genius. That's the kind of shit that genuinely makes me think,
Starting point is 00:37:41 like, that's the kind of woman you want to marry. Fucking nominal. She's also a fucking mouth meat. So, you know, swings around. She's a mouth, yeah, but she's fucking, she's with you, isn't she? She's not going to be a wallflower. Right.
Starting point is 00:38:00 Kieran and Dudley. Two tiny towels, good lad. Here's one that suddenly popped into my head. Now, we can, there's a few of these. Two tiny towels, good lad. Here's one that suddenly popped into my head. Now, there's a few of these. Two tiny towels? It was a story from about 20 pods ago that was fucking funny. Oh, I forgot. Yeah, I've not.
Starting point is 00:38:16 It's funny. People are listening. Some people will be like, yeah, that two tiny towels was one of the best hangover stories. Do you not remember the service station guy who was so hungover at the service station? Yeah. And he used his socks as two
Starting point is 00:38:26 tiny towels. Shout out to Kieran and Dudley. He sent some good stuff through. Listen, Adam, if you want to disregard these, that's fine. We've got some would-you-rathers to get through. We've already just taken eight minutes on the first bullshit
Starting point is 00:38:42 one. Would you rather listen to Katy Perry's music nonstop for a whole year, on loop, playing even whilst you're asleep, but you then get to bang Katy Perry, or would you rather never listen to her music again and know that you could have had sex with her, but you choose not to? I don't want to listen to her music.
Starting point is 00:39:08 See, I think Katy Perry's a weird choice, really, because although I think she's got something about her, I wouldn't offer her up as, like, the hottest pop star. Well, I actually think she's quite fit. Oh, yeah, she's fit. Yeah, yeah yeah yeah she's beautiful
Starting point is 00:39:26 actually that would be the word because she's got a very radiant look and lovely eyes and nice skin did you just turn into your Auntie Carol that's how you have to wear
Starting point is 00:39:35 as a mask she's she's fit but there's no way that that is going to end up being worth it. California girls were undeniable.
Starting point is 00:39:51 I already wanted to stop. I kissed a girl and I liked it. Can you imagine? Imagine being about four months into that, right? And you're like, do you know what? This is doing me head in, but just another eight months and I get to bang Katy Perry. And then another three months go by, seven months,
Starting point is 00:40:13 I've got five more months to go. The amount, the level to which that shag would have to be earth shatteringly amazing is just impossible. It's not possible for this to live up that's so funny because where in the year of her music do you shout because if you if you just bang katie perry you're like whoa i mean is that a free hit jade doesn't know about it laura doesn't know about it for me it almost happens in this sort of other world where it's not cheating it's because it's like almost metaphysical like kind
Starting point is 00:40:45 of it just occurs but there's no and then you back and but then no one else can hear it you can just hear katie perry constantly you you'd enjoy that'd be fun wouldn't it be fun i always think with these like who would you shag if you could shag anyone are they willing because wouldn't katie perry be like oh my god who are you oh like so she's gonna be like oh my god no no no no they have to be willing yeah because otherwise i mean otherwise it's rape and sorry to be so blunt but you can rape katie perry anytime you like okay you don't need to listen to her music for a year to then go and commit that crime. No context to have a word.
Starting point is 00:41:27 Thank you. Can I just... I just mean, when people do, which celebrity would you fuck? Like, that game is like, it's predicated on them being like, oh my God, I'm so into it, Adam. I think Blake Lively's so hot.
Starting point is 00:41:44 Blake Lively's a married woman with kids like oh you're such a fucking gimp you know no but you can ruin the celebrity shag and she's married to ryan reynolds she's married to ryan fucking reynolds how bad for your confidence would that be what's about the children shut up no not talking about what's my children as part of this magic is she up for it or is she just blatantly going i don't where's ryan where's my husband ryan she's up for it of course she's up for it otherwise it's it's a horror film isn't it jesus what i'm saying Right so So How is that not taken As a given
Starting point is 00:42:27 In your head Just working it through Doesn't matter What does it matter Anyway Right So Pez dogs Old Katie Pez dispenser
Starting point is 00:42:42 Yeah And then A whole year That would be a terrible year i think you've got it you've got to do it that way because if you do it the other way if you listen to a year of katie perry like i kissed the girl and then granddad dies and you're at the funeral yeah taste of her by the end of the year when you actually get to banging, she's like, oh my God, Dan, I've been waiting for you. I would be flaccid, furious, mental, and I'd kill her. I'd kill her with a cherry chapstick.
Starting point is 00:43:17 So the option is you bang Katy Perry, but then for a year you listen to her music. Yeah, I think it has to be. Otherwise, you just don't want to be able to get your dick hard say it would depend on like I'd like to think I'd still be like no I can't do that do you ever feel like
Starting point is 00:43:33 you've just gotta deny me me me me me me me
Starting point is 00:43:44 me me me me me me me me
Starting point is 00:43:44 me me me me me me me me
Starting point is 00:43:44 me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me All this is doing is make me want to fuck you less. I was all happy. I'm not gonna lie
Starting point is 00:43:54 because Adam, you're a fan. Yeah. What are you doing? What did you just do? I brushed my beard. What the fuck did you just do on Zoom? I was brushing my beard. Never.
Starting point is 00:44:23 And I mean this. No, put that fucking thing away. You fucking nonce. Oh, that is the... That's one of the... I have seen your fucking no man's land. I've seen your slightly plump patio that you freshly shaved.
Starting point is 00:44:43 And watching you using a fucking no tangle dog hairbrush on your own fucking beard this is not dog hairbrush this is jade's hairbrush using oh it's a tangle thing it's a tangle brush it's what you use on kids i use that on i've got one of those for fucking my dreams I've got one of those for fucking for what? my dreams the fuck have you got one of them for? do you know sometimes
Starting point is 00:45:15 on this podcast you can get really nasty I'd rather see your fucking dick and bowels this is a weird one from Mark Hollenbach. Would you rather have someone secretly give you LSD on a random day and time once every six months
Starting point is 00:45:32 or have everyone in the world all take LSD at the same time once every five years? What have you asked here, Mark? Would you rather have someone secretly give you lsd so you get spiked with lsd randomly once every six months and you just have to deal with that on your own or the whole world takes lsd at the same time once every five years i mean on the once every five years i get are we included in that so yeah i take it as well. So we're all on LSD. I really think you'd have to be a pretty fucking straight-edged bellend to be like, no, that's too dangerous.
Starting point is 00:46:13 Who would fly the aeroplanes? I think fucking just once every five years. Can we just check? Has everyone consented to taking this LSD? Are they up for it? No, no, no. It's an international spike. Oh, right.
Starting point is 00:46:27 So it's no consent, right? Okay. I was just trying to ruin the game like you did with the fucking last one. Oh, dear. Do you know, if you offered the whole world that was in lockdown right now,
Starting point is 00:46:42 one day of everyone being on LSD, I think everyone would be like yeah fuck it it's just going to make it more interesting it's the same reason I had a Cronenberg about an hour and a half ago I think yeah I think I'd give everyone in the world the LSD I don't want to go for it on my own yeah you don't look at Spike once
Starting point is 00:46:56 how does Mark's head even work he's on LSD now this is from Megan Fairclough, and I can tell you right now, I want a drink with Megan Fairclough, or once every six months, do LSD with her. Hi, Adam and Dave.
Starting point is 00:47:17 I put a would you rather in subject because I didn't know what else to think of, but it's not a would you rather, more of a hypothetical question, but it's defo worth reading. Fair enough. I can give you 10 million pounds right now, but for the rest of your life, there's an invincible super snail that can kill you if it touches you. The snail has the ability to go anywhere in the world, get on planes, cars, ETC, but it still just moves the pace of a snail.
Starting point is 00:47:47 Would you take the money or would you just keep life, murderous snail free, minus the 10 million? It is a would you rather. She's just written it like a fucking lunatic, but I love her for it. So she gives you, Megan Fairclough gives you 10 million pounds because that's the game, in cash. But you know that somewhere in the world,
Starting point is 00:48:08 there is this evil, murderous super snail that as soon as it touches you, you're dead. And she just put it in the bank. I don't want to have the cash lying around. I'd have to take that to bank. That's going to be it. Stop being stupid. You're being a silly person.
Starting point is 00:48:24 Did you just cancel the podcast? You're being a silly person. Did you just cancel the podcast? You're being silly. You're being a silly person. Just fucking comb your beard and get your head in the game. Stop being silly on this podcast. Stop being silly and answer the question. There is a murderous super snail.
Starting point is 00:48:42 I reckon it's the same as the LSD. I'd take the 10 million quid. I'd be like, ah, fuck it. If you like being a... If you like being a colada. I'd be fucking drunk when the super snail crawled up my balls. If you like being a colada.
Starting point is 00:48:57 I'd be dead. I don't give a shit. I'd go for it. 10 million, fuck it. It's a snail, isn't it? Yeah. I'd go for it. I'd just make sure that...
Starting point is 00:49:03 Because you can keep an eye out for a snail most of the time. The only time you're going to be caught off guard is when you're asleep, so you just have to make sure your room's got its own ventilation system, but then otherwise it's completely snail-proof. Or just live in Salt Lake City. What? What? What?
Starting point is 00:49:26 I just did a really bad dad joke. I'm really sorry. I apologise to everyone. What was the joke? Well, slugs and snails don't like salt. And I just, that's where my head went. Next question. You should turn your chair around
Starting point is 00:49:42 and face that corner for 10 minutes. That was dreadful. I'm still laughing at myself though. Sam. Sam King in London. Would you rather have racist Tourette's or a disorder that makes you slide tackle
Starting point is 00:50:04 grannies every time you pass them in the street. Sam, you get it. You get it, mate. You get it. That's one of those ones where you're like, oh, the first one's funny and the second one's even funnier. Fucking tremendous.
Starting point is 00:50:26 I am I am slide tackling grannies what yeah do you know you know if he just said people that would be one thing if you slide tackle you know when people got you know old people if they take a fall that can be the end for them
Starting point is 00:50:43 you're killing you kill it and i've seen you if you get a fucking head of steam up i'm not saying you're slow but i'm saying i don't think you're good at changing directions if you really put a fucking slide on that's mildred in trouble that's two hips gone yeah and i'm straight red cards as well. I'm going for this, Shane. Do you know that's prison? It isn't. What are you talking about? Because I'll slide tackle it and then I'll get off. I'm never getting caught. Oh, right, right, right.
Starting point is 00:51:15 This is how much of a careerist comedians are. You know what? Prison is still better than walking around shouting the N-word in black neighborhoods and getting killed. Have you listened to most of this podcast? I mean, we're borderline racist Tourette's in places anyway. It's going quite well. You can't have racist Tourette's. That's a nightmare, that. Black neighborhoods. When are you walking around black neighborhoods? That's a nightmare, that. Black neighbourhoods.
Starting point is 00:51:45 When you walk around black neighbourhoods. Hot water Compton. Have you heard about hot water? They've got another venue. Where is it? Seal Street? Or Harman Street? No, it's Compton Avenue, south side LA.
Starting point is 00:52:02 What's happening, motherfucker? Paul Smith. Y'all ain't lads. What do you do for a job? Shut the fuck up you ginger motherfucker. Crack ass motherfucker. I like quality yeah. I don't think this video is going to get many views. But yeah I'm
Starting point is 00:52:16 slide tackling grannies for my own safety. That was a really silly one. What would you do? Racist Tourette's. Really? Yeah, man. There's not enough right-wing comedians. And I think there's basically me and Andrew. There's actually about 15 right-wing comedians
Starting point is 00:52:33 and every single one of them markets themselves as Britain's only right-wing comedian. The worst thing they can do is get booked on the same bill because then it stops being a gig and becomes an EDL meeting. You know, you can't book Andrew Lawrence and... Geoff Norcott on the same bill because all of a sudden it's not ironic. God, two very good comedians, by the way,
Starting point is 00:53:06 who I don't want to have an argument with. Good guy. Right, that's enough. I can't curate anymore. I've had three beers. Let's have a word from Lightwork Studios, our new sponsor. Hang on.
Starting point is 00:53:21 Have you done the read for it? I'll do it straight after the episode. Cool. Do you love podcasts have you always wanted to do your own but you don't know how well here at lightwork studios if you've got an idea for a podcast then we want to record it and record it well whether you're doing your first podcast or you've been doing it for years we think all podcasts should look and sound as good as possible and with prices starting from 30 pounds an hour we are by far the best priced professional podcast studio in london we've got three hd cameras six top of the range mics and a sound technician on hand
Starting point is 00:53:57 to make sure that all you have to focus on is talking we can have the recording edited and sent to you the very same day. Find us at lightweightpodcast.com so we can help record your next podcast. Send in your questions and suggestions to haveawadpod at gmail.com. Let's crack on with this nonsense. Cool.
Starting point is 00:54:21 It's time for Have A Word with Adam and Dan. Adam adam you've got right i don't mind you singing but that was fucking horrible that was feral that was the that was the like you're gonna sing sing it it's time to have a word with adam and dan there's all the problems that you're here with the friends i don't mind that but what the fuck was that? That sounded like Blake Lively in one of my fantasies. I'm doing early My Chemical Romance version now. All right, cool, cool, cool, cool.
Starting point is 00:55:04 Cool. Okay. Can we do a different band each day? Cool Can we do a different band each day? Yeah Right, cool It's your job to nominate them And I'll just do it on the fly Right Give me another one now
Starting point is 00:55:20 Do another one now Morrissey It's time for Hoverworld now? Do another one now. Uh, uh, Morrissey. It's time for Hoverworld. It's alright. Yeah. Hoverworld.
Starting point is 00:55:31 I've never done so many problems. I've never done This is getting weird. Alright. This is getting weird. Getting. Alright. Middle-class Tory and Sheikh Mansour row the getting alright middle class Tory
Starting point is 00:55:46 and Sheikh Mansour the Scouse oil baron they're our new names gotta have a word here just found out I am having a baby boy at the end of August. And can I also add,
Starting point is 00:56:09 Oh, gee. Having a little lockdown baby. Corona baby. Need you to have a word with the mother of my unborn child. I'm out. I have suggested the name Hercules for my boy. mother of my unborn child. I'm out. I have suggested the name Hercules for my boy.
Starting point is 00:56:28 Such a strong name. This guy's not ready to be a dad. Such a strong name. And I think it's a fucking belting name. However, she doesn't agree and wants to call it Charles. What do you reckon, lads? Do you need to have a word with her or am I being the dick?
Starting point is 00:56:51 Cheers from Chris. Right, well, Chris, you're a bellend, but you're my favourite type of bellend. Charles. I mean, my nephew is called Charlie, but he's actually christened Charlie so his name's not Charles and I like the name Charlie but Charles
Starting point is 00:57:10 is like Charles makes me think of like Prince Charles actually did you have any problems naming the kid with Laura the first one yeah you do go you basically it's weird first one. Yeah, you do go, you basically,
Starting point is 00:57:27 it's weird when you're trying to pick a name for a kid because you do this weird thing where you've basically, neither of you have got to hate it. So you come up with an idea and then you float it. And then if Laura has ever known or heard of or met someone or gone to school with anyone that she knows or thinks is a bellend that's got that name they're off yeah and then it goes into like a second phase of voting where it's if you like it or not and we you know we got down to two or three names but Etta was just, Etta was the one that was the least hated.
Starting point is 00:58:07 I think that's... What were the other names in the running? Do you remember? Chantel. Really liked Chantel. What? Blake. I don't know where that came from.
Starting point is 00:58:16 Chantel. Yeah, yeah, Chantel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you want her to be a stripper? Just dead classy. Just dead classy. You're thinking of chandeliers no i don't know what was funny as well we thought we thought of etta and everyone was like is it because of etta james the jazz singer we were like not really just you told us this is your
Starting point is 00:58:36 sister's mate's kid and she was fucking fuming so it's weird but yeah's, I don't know. Charles is fine. I'd say this as a dad. Try saying it in a day. If you're like, ooh, I kind of like it. Try saying it a hundred times a day. Just, you know, before you have the baby, try just saying it out loud. And if by time 15 or 20, you're like, I fucking hate this name,
Starting point is 00:59:01 then don't name your kid that because you are going to be saying that name all the fucking time. Hercules! Hercules! Hercules! Hercules! Put the television down!
Starting point is 00:59:16 Hercules! Hercules! Get off your mum! Also, go one syllable because I just feel like if you're going to waste that much you're going to waste so much more effort with that second syllable
Starting point is 00:59:27 Steve for your kids two syllables yeah how much time have I wasted saying ta should have called it et me and Jade have like for a long time been quite open about the fact
Starting point is 00:59:40 we're both on kids and that and we've sort of argued about names because I wanted to call my firstborn son Vinny. Yeah. Why? Because you dodged the bullet, and now you want your fucking child. Well, I nearly got called Vincent,
Starting point is 00:59:55 and thank fuck I didn't, but my son. Yeah, I wanted to call him Vinny. I thought it would be a boss name, but... We've picked a girl's name if we have a girl. Go on. Eliza. Eliza. Eliza Rowe. Yeah, I like it. I like it.
Starting point is 01:00:11 Hamilton, the musical. Alexander Hamilton's wife is called Eliza. Eliza's nice. Eliza! Just don't ruin it with a shit middle name. Oh, Linda. Eliza Rowe's lovely. Eliza Linda Rowe. Rough as fuck. what about boy names um we both sort of like zach zach row zach row but my brother is called jack so we've already
Starting point is 01:00:39 got a jack row do we want a zach row what? What about Deshawn? I actually really like the name DeMarcus. Tredavious. I'm just thinking of some of the NFL. Mohamed Roe. Mohamed's actually the most popular boy's name in the world. Yeah, but then he's going to get
Starting point is 01:00:59 shortened to Mo Roe. No, we'll actually shorten it to Hammy. We've discussed that. Hammy Roe. Just call him Stephen. Stephen Gerard Roe. You know you fucking want to see Stephen Gerard Roe.
Starting point is 01:01:22 Do you know this is how much of a fucking rat she is, right? I told her at one point I wanted the middle name to be Louie. And she was like, I don't mind that. Do you know this is how much of a fucking rat she is, right? I told her at one point I wanted the middle name to be Louis, and she was like, I don't mind that. And then she found out it was named after Louis Suarez, and she said, I can't have it. Not Louis Suarez. What?
Starting point is 01:01:39 The greatest player in Premier League history. All right, let's do another have a word. Before this gets too ridiculous ridiculous the murderous fucking snail was less ridiculous than Suarez we haven't really solved this problem for Chrissie so is he allowed to call her Hercules or Charles which would you go with well Charles is fucking boring and Hercules
Starting point is 01:01:57 is stupid so it's probably a happy medium I'd float some more ideas but don't call him Mohammed or fucking Lewis or Vigard. Vigard Hagen. He doesn't live in Peckham. You mixed so many songs in there.
Starting point is 01:02:22 That was quite impressive. It was really good, wasn't it? Yeah, Charles is fine, isn't it? It's fine. I think you can do better. As long as you call it Charlie, that's okay. But Charles just... Charles stinks of him being a knobhead.
Starting point is 01:02:37 Do you know what I mean? Also, what's the surname? Is it on the email, what the surname is? Townsend. Charles Townsend. Sounds fine, but it sounds like you fucking... Hercules Townsend. Sounds like some...
Starting point is 01:02:49 Sounds like an accountant. Call him Bane and then teach him to do that voice. Oh, you think Charles is my name? I was... You nearly adopted
Starting point is 01:03:00 the name Charles. What's happened to your Bane? You just sound like an old posh man. Hey, hello, I'm Babe. I live in Cotswolds and vote Conservative. There, you think... You think the National Health Service is your ally?
Starting point is 01:03:21 I was born in private health care. Moulded by it. Oh, Jesus. What's happened to your brain? I'm worried about it. Oh, fuck it. Oh, you think Charles is your name? You think it's your name, Charles?
Starting point is 01:03:39 I was born with it. Molded by it. I didn't see the light until I met Friedrich. So comes Tess Byrne. Right, this is off the rails. We need to call it. That's been a... That's the week.
Starting point is 01:03:57 We've got another have a word. No, we've not. We can't follow a have a word with who has been. Can we save it for tomorrow? you want yeah mom that was fun we can't like because yesterday we were having fun and then we were like right and the thing is about his fucking government see you later guys tonight see you tomorrow oh dear oh you think we should end the podcast here? Oh, you think podcasting is not your ally?
Starting point is 01:04:27 Oh, you think podcasting is a sustainable form of income? You think the circuit is fucked? Yes. Oh, you think you shouldn't down at WhatsApp for no fucking reason? Oh, you think gigs are coming back in September? You're an idiot. Hello, it's Ben on your WhatsApp.
Starting point is 01:04:52 You're not going to be gigging until 2024, yeah. Can't wait for Hot Water Compton, though. It's going to be good, isn't it? What's the music I need some young talent Around my job
Starting point is 01:05:09 So today's artist Is a second time feature It is Glenn Ruffhead Made to mine from up in Newcastle Was that a good accent Newcastle You think Newcastle's your ally You were merely born
Starting point is 01:05:25 in the fucking Tainstead and murdered... Right, we've got to end it. Sorry, I've gone mental. I've gone mental. Glenn Ruffhead, his song is called Royal Blood. It's an absolute belter. Go and find Glenn on Instagram and Twitter and all that. And please do send us in
Starting point is 01:05:41 some more songs. We are running low on them. Get them into haveawordpod at gmail.com you can also get your have a word features there your virginity stories dead relatives anything
Starting point is 01:05:52 anything you like get them into haveawordpod at gmail.com but playing us out today is Glenn Ruffhead with Royal Blood in a bit kids seal it in a bit kids see you later It's a shame
Starting point is 01:06:30 You've done this to yourself So we don't talk anymore I wish I was someone else And when the lights fall out And hope and fear is washed by the clouds You hated me now I can't sleep myself For what I did Between us things have changed Cause I don't feel the same, we're just souls with different aims
Starting point is 01:07:33 And when the lights fall me down And hope and fear You can watch the butter come You can hate and mean I was next in my turn We'll be right back. And when the lights are off And all that fear is washed away and drowned The hated men are not the same Watch the rider cry. You're hating me now. I can't stand myself. Let's face it. Most meal replacements are rough on sensitive stomachs, not Sperry.
Starting point is 01:09:33 Sperry is a complete plant-based meal crafted for better digestion. What makes Sperry different? It's 100% allergen-free with no dairy or harsh artificial ingredients. So it's gentle on your stomach and safe for all common food allergies and digestive issues. It's also packed with premium plant-based proteins to keep you satisfied, plus all the essential nutrients for sustained energy. Try Sperry and get 15% off at sperry.ca with code PODCAST15. Sperry. Trust nature.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.