Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #403 with Ivo Graham - Have A Word w/Adam, Dan & Carl

Episode Date: October 17, 2026

Tickets, merch and loads more available on our website! https://haveawordpod.comTickets for Have A Word Live shows as well as Adam and Dan's tours and previews:Adam's Tickets: https://www.adamrowe.co.ukDan's Tickets: https://dannightingale.comCarl's Stream: https://twitch.tv/senseicarl_MAD THAT w/ Harry & Carl: madthat.comFinnlay K FINAL GIG TICKETS: https://www.skiddle.com/whats-on/Liverpool/Jacaranda-Baltic/Finnlay-K-Farewell-Show/42670455/Film Club Live || https://tinyurl.com/filmcluboctoberFinnlay K - Whole Again: https://FinnlayK.lnk.to/WHOLEAGAINLIVEAs Adam and Dan said, don't miss out on all of our extra content, we've got one of the best value Patreons in the game. An extra 90+ minute episode every week plus loads of bonus content such as the now infamous Lockdown Lock-ins, the Nashville & Amsterdam specials and our Ghost Hunts! What are you waiting for? Sign up now at https://patreon.com/haveawordpod​Get subscribed to Have A Word Highlights: https://youtube.com/haveawordhighlightsThanks to this week's sponsors:LEBOM | https://lebom.app/i/haveawordJoin our Have A Word football prediction league and see if you can beat the Lids.NordVPN | https://nordvpn.com/haveawordEXCLUSIVE NordVPN Deal ➼ https://nordvpn.com/haveaword Try it risk-free now with a 30-day money-back guaranteeLovehoney | https://lovehoney.co/word_podcastLove how you love and take 20% off sitewide to unlock sexual happiness and discover a happier you with promo code: AFF-WORD20Saily | https://saily.com/haveawordDownload SAILY in your app store and use our code HAVEAWORD at checkout to get an exclusive 15% off your first purchase or go to https://saily.com/haveaword 🌍ADAM ROWE and DAN NIGHTINGALE are two award winning comedians from Liverpool & Preston, respectively. They are two of the UK's most highly regarded stand-ups and have both performed all over the world. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What's happening lids? Welcome to this week's episode of the Have a Word podcast. I'm here to quickly tell you, before we start, I am now on my national tour, Adam row.com.com. UK for all tickets that'll take you to LiveNation.com. And you can get tickets for me in Cork, Dublin, Bristol, London, Rill, Cardiff, London again, Middlesbrough, Newcastle, Glasgow, Sheffield, two nights in Liverpool, York, Manchester, Birmingham, Nottingham. That takes us all the way through to the 3rd of December from this week right now

until the first week of December. I'm on tour. Come and see my brand new hour to stand up. I'll see us on the road. That's adam row.com.com for tickets. I'll see us out there. Enjoy the episode. It was fantastic. Wag-waglids, you're listening to the funniest podcast in the game from the heart of Liverpool with Adam, Dan, Sensei Carl and Finn. This is the one and only. Have a word. This episode is brought to you by NordVPN, the very best in protecting your online activity. Go, Ed, get on me.

Gooduntog. You're okay? Yeah, how are you? It's cozy season, isn't it? Oh, it's layers season. It's the fall. It is the fall. Yeah.

Correct. Fleased up, man. First fleece of the year. I mean, first time of worn a fleece of the year. I woke up today and was like, I know exactly what knitwear I want to wear. Quickly, to the knitwear wing. Well, I have, you know, The knitware section of the wardrobes.

Yes, okay, yes. I need to rearrange the wardrobes. I know you don't have a wing for knitwear. Not yet. Not yet, mate. I said Dan looks like gangster dad. What? Like Dan looks like on the school run.

He's got a four-year-old lad. Oh, I've got a four-year-old lad. No, I've not. Old is he? He is five, Carl. Oh, sorry. If you just spend more time with him, like, I keep asking, you'd know. But, like, you're like, a five-year-old is, four years.

resolve. Just that and more. That is true. We're all four-year-olds. That sounded weird. We're all four-year-old, and that'll be my defence in court. He's got some nice pants on. He's got some nice fitting pants on. You look like gangster dad today. You've got nice pants on?

Nice fitting pants. I see your pants. I don't want you to see them. You had them yesterday. Because they're doing... They're doing well. And now I don't think they will do well. Can I just see your pants?

Because even if you like them, I don't think you... Just show me your pants, man. Just look down. What's right? What are you so worried about? Just you not being nice. I just want the compliments. Can I see the waistband?

He's not Anna Wintor, is he? Can I see the waistband? No, he's not. No. He knows who Wano Wintor is? Huh? Oh, nice, okay. I think it's a good question to ask him.

Who's Anna Wintor? Anna Wintor? Do you know why the Wintor is? She's in the Incredibles. No? No? That's a fashion, man. You don't know what Anna Wintor is?

She's the queen of fashion. She is fashion. No, he is fashion. I'm fashion. But she is, like, she is the, the queen of it? He is the new Anna Winter

we have been saying that around there. She's the Editors, she is Vogue? Oh, I don't read Vogue. She's who Meryl Streep's characters

based on in Devil Wears Prada. Never seen her. She looks like the woman who makes the suits in The Incredible She loves Devil S Prada. Yeah.

Would I? Is it? You like fashion? No, I just like getting dressed. Like, I'm not really asked about fucking what Anna Winter. Anna Wintor. Anna Wyn.

Tor. She's an older woman now. Devil wears Prada too. Water pile of shite. Was it? I didn't watch it. Look at you. He was a cup of tea saying that.

Bloody hell. Didn't care for it. Classic gangster dad. That bitch bit trippy. The first one's good though, isn't it? Yeah, it's a good. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Tell you what, though. She's got fucking style, mate, I'll tell you that. I'm aware of that. She has got style. She's Anna Windsor. I've never heard of it. No, do you need to get your fucking...

I just follow a few men on TikTok and that. So do I? No, like, fashion men. and they're generally speaking, really handsome, athletic, black, tall people. And then I buy the clothes that they put on. Oh, everything, you know, no. Yeah.

Because they look great. So I buy the stuff they're wearing. Because, yeah, as a, because you're basically a tall black man, aren't you? Mentally. That's why the NBA keep calling. If we can just train you up, I think you've got the right brain for it.

Yeah, absolutely. All right, I don't cry. But you're never heard of it. Are there fashion influencers who are more like normal looking? Yeah. There's a, there's a fella I follow. He kind of looks a bit like me,

I suppose. And what he does, huh? Is it you? No. All right. What he does is he will find like a fashion influencers outfit or like maybe like a model from like the new Ralph Lauren fall catalog.

And his content is yours delivered. Mine, it's coming. Oh, I'm excited. I got hardback and this paperback. Nice. I got the paperback double RL edition. I got that gifted to me in the double RL store because they were like,

oh, you're already wearing one of our pieces? What's double RL? Ranch Ralph Flonan. It's Carway Ralph Ler. All right. Not someone with a stammer. Huh? Not someone with a stammer.

No, no, no. Rivar. Ralph Ralfo. It's their Western and Americana. Come on. Finn. Sorry. But I walked in to just have a little brows at their London.

store and the shop assistant clock that I was wearing one of their pieces. Quickly, Susan, a catalogue. This man is double R. Really, Ralph. You know, they don't just give them out to anyone. Yeah. I think you finally do. Some homeless guy.

Some homeless guy. Could I have a catalog? I'd like to sleep on it. Another one. But yeah, his content is he will find a picture of a model and he will be like, okay, is this a good fit or is it just good because he's fit? Yeah.

And then he's a bit of a fat fella and he'll put it on. And often you go, yeah, it's just because the fella's good looking because that looks like dog shit on you. Is there anyone who just hires solely like fucking terrible models? It'll look better. They should, shouldn't they? I think they should just hire a fat fella. No, because then they wouldn't sell the clothes.

I didn't mean fat thing. I said terrible. and they're just bad models. Like, they don't know what to do and they just, like, they don't want to stand and stuff. Like, gurbals. Or they just... You know, when you're like...

There's a bad role model. No, but he had a club foot as well so you couldn't stand by them. I wouldn't buy shoes off. Gurbos was well into his fashion. Or was the uniforms. Oh, he's right, Hugo Boss? Yeah, they...

They care about how they looked. A bad model as in, like, right, the catwalk started and he's like... Yeah, they're just a bit like... You know what I mean? But as models all, like... You've got to water down the catwalk. Yeah.

People have said that before. like just put normal people in the clothes and then people don't know what it's going to look like on them. That's not what people want. They want to look at gorgeous people and go, oh, if I buy that top, I'll look like them. That's why modelling works. It's aspirational.

Yeah. I just think you look like a gangsta dad today, Dan. Thanks, man. Feel like it. Take the compliment from you, boys, and I think I've got a pass from you, Adam. I like it once, man. Okay, great.

It's very well-coordinates of. I'll stop it. Yeah. Is everyone still ill? It's a strong lunch. We've all got COVID, obviously. Is that what it is? It's COVID, yeah.

Oh, is that why I can't taste anything? Fucking hell. Can't taste anything, and you can't feel anything. Oh, it's a rough one for food. I can taste it, and I've just had a lovely cup of hot black juice. Come on. Come on. Come on. I'm not giving you the VA.

That is just hot black juice. Zoe Kravitz. You're both. It's a black current lens sip just to clear that up. You both six yards off sides there. And if somehow is still gone to Vinevon's gone, what are we waiting? for he's so offside.

Hot black juice. There we go. Hot black current juice. Lemip, but when did you not well. You're back on Saturday. Not an ad by the way. Beachums exist.

Sorry, Steve. There's big lemtip gone to COVID. I think this is the first time I've ever had covered. Have you done a test? No, but like all of the symptoms and then everybody, everyone we know, or someone connected to them is ill

and they've all gone, yeah, I've got COVID, so I don't think I'm the only one he wasn't got it. And I think, also it's a big thing in Benadorn right now. Where we've just been? Mine can't be COVID because I had three jabs, so I'm vaccinated. Yeah. The strain is just so weak.

No. COVID has weakened itself. I've got stronger. Yeah. The immunity's got better. That's the big point now. We haven't got COVID in big old 2026, mate. We can't have.

shop to get COVID in 26. We are uncons chopped, though. I've not got it. Electricity. Yeah, we've got COVID. But you've got all the symptoms of it. You just never, it's because it's not in your mind normal. You're like, I've just got the flu.

Which is the same thing I imagine. That's a real world. No, flu's worse than this. I can do stuff to me. Oh, people mislabeling the flu can get in the fucking. Flu is bed for a week. It's debilitating. Well, I was bed for three days.

She's got a nasty cold and you're like, oh, I'm full of flu. Shut. I was so, I was so, so. you shiver and it's hurting your body and you go oh you get angry at yourself like stop shivering and then stops for five seconds and you start again did you go through the whole of COVID without getting there I think I got it oh shit

I was away for the loads of it obviously and then when it came back and I was I remember the Viscounts that was my COVID test never failed one of them so oh shit yeah I forgot about that did that he has the mint biscuits

I used to always think the first way to think of think of you got COVID if you lose your taste. So each morning I go down and have a Viscuit, still taste them. Early, early doors on the pot, put a stone and a half on, but you didn't get covered.

Yeah. Me morning biscuits. But the way I felt on the weekend with the shivering, I've never, unless I've had like the flu, I've never felt that before. Like I was like, oh, this is fucking weird, not audible. I just, I'm never inclined to go for the dramatic. I've just found

I've been fighting off a bit of a cold where some people love doing they're like, it is COVID, so, you know, people died, I'm looking to be here.

Shut up. I know, I just in bed for a few days. But you can't taste. Today's is the first day I can taste for three days. I had three days of no taste. Tell us to your jumper. Woo,

and a winter over. I had three compliments on it this morning. Thank you very much. Sorry? I had three compliments on it this morning. Thank you very. where you got from Harry? I said nice jumper, like that jump,

it's nice colour. Carl said he liked it. And someone on text I sent a picture of my outfit to. What? Who? Oh. Well, little woman. The lady Gertrude. What name will she have this episode?

Look how come from me as with sonny brought up? No, it was a man. Yeah, there was a fella, actually. It's a fella. What was that compliment? from this man. I like your cock. I like your jumper.

Got nothing on the bottom. It's poo bad. I'd suck your dick, clean off. Nice jump. Thanks, Cam. Okay. I've been taking that as a compliment on your jumper. Size your cock.

Thank you. It really brings up your cock. Finn's got no pants on under the tail, I don't know. I actually really like you jump on. I just want us to make a joke at your expense. Thanks. It's nice.

It also didn't work because you said today's the first day I can taste Oh yeah Oh it was a compliment Thank you of them Yeah but I think

I'm getting through it now I've getting a bit more energy today But I'm still not 100% Like And you don't sound 100% either I'm fine I just I tried to have a

I tried to have a proper day of rest yesterday I took the dog out for a walk in the morning He was being a bell end So I took a moment We went for breakfast on my own and then me and Jack arranged for Remy and Pes to go to the park

and just have an hour of play that knack has them both out and then I just was like you know what I'm just going to chill on the couch and actually have a day of rest I'm very busy at the minute combination of podcast podcast

toyish I got the podcast stuff and touring I'm going to have a day of rest and I just got to 4 o'clock and I was just like so I went to cinema went to see Digger I haven't seen it yet

so much pile. No spoilers. This one can be spoiled. I could spoil it like with 17 different things. It's just like... Sorry to interrupt. Do you think it's amazing or terrible because I've heard there's only two ways of seeing it?

I think it's really good and I understand why people would think it was terrible. But they've leaned into it with their promo, haven't they? Some people give it five, some people give it one. What will you think? Proper Marmite marketing. Yeah, I think it's four.

What's it about? I can't tell you. Is that a spoiler? We can say what's in the trailer. No, I just, I didn't watch the trailer and I'm glad I haven't. It's a satire on,

a climate crisis. Okay. That doesn't spoil any. That's how I watch films, no. By the way, although that is right, that would make me not want to watch it.

Oh, right, yeah, yeah, yeah. But, like, it's so, I really, I enjoyed the whole thing. Yeah. A climate crisis? Sounds like pressure. The best way to watch a film now is not watch anything on her. I try and avoid...

I used to watch the trailer before I go to the cinema. But they put everything in it? Yeah, and now I'm like, I'm just waiting for that moment to happen. So I go in, you want to watch this? And I go, yeah, don't tell me not about her. And I've done like the last six or seven times. Now, stop saying six or seven. There's going to be a spoiler in what I'm about to say for the film that's coming up next year.

I went to see that last night and there was a trailer for the film called Werewolf. Oh, yeah. Robert Eggers. Yeah. and... Scary, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, sure. But they, they've put

the big reveal in the trailer. Or have they? Yeah, they have. It's mental. He's a werewolf. Yeah, I think they put it in the title, didn't it? No, but like, the whole point of,

like, the way it's set up is like, oh, we've got to kill all these wolves and there's like a fella on the inside who's doing all the wolf killing. But he's actually a werewolf, and they reveal it in the trailer. They do it with everything now. Like, leave the mystery.

You should be able to sell your thing without ruining your fucking things. I just avoid them though. It's better. You enjoy it more. It's just like, is this God's right? I'll go and see it.

Can't avoid them at the cinema, though, can you? That's the problem. Once you're watching a trailer, Finn does. Sometimes I close my eyes before the cinema, like. Drew back the... Before the cinema. Like, when the trailers are on, if there's a trailer for a film I don't like,

I'll just... Oh, I'll go like that. Same with the... What you do is? I'm good at not concentrating on things. Like sometimes if the, because I never, ever look at the rating when it comes up as well. So, like, I've just started doing,

at one point I'll just stop looking at, like, the Volvo advert. Why don't you just do what Finn does and go there as, like, when it starts? Because that, it figures me anxiety for that. We came in once when the, like, the Warner Brothers logo is coming on. Like, it's too close. Gianni come home. Yeah, no, I do, I get that. But also, like, last night, that the screen time was 10 past 8.

So we got there for 8 o'clock. That's half an hour too early. 40 minutes too early. But I'll do that anyway, because I like to get, like, comfy and I like to watch the trailers as well. Yeah, but hard. As I like the experience of sitting there before the film.

Half an hour. Yeah, it's been like that for a while, isn't it? But you like getting places early. When we went to the Hill Dicco, we were in there ages before. And I sort of appreciated it. It was nice. That's since I was a kid.

Because I used to love, because I never used to go to the match, loads with my granddad. You wanted to make the most of all. He'd go, let's get there early. And you can watch the players warm up. I was like, oh, that's cool. So just sit there and watch them, read the program and like,

take the atmosphere in and I'm like, wow, I'm in a football stadium. And I've never lost that. Like, me and Steve, I've seen we go every two weeks, whatever. And I was still sit in my seat. I'll watch the players come out to warm up. With the cinema, I think the perfect timing is you miss the adverts, you get in for the start of the trailers.

That's the one. I want the trailers. I think that's part of the fun. Yeah. The adverts can get in the bin, obviously. When we were to watch Odyssey, yeah. Like, they had an advert for,

they had a trailer for Odyssey. No, it was an advert for the Odyssey, like, give away popcorn bucket or something. But they show clips of the Odyssey before the Odyssey. And everyone collectively, like, because I know it's like, oh, you can't spoil something

that's dead old, but you can. That one was a bit mental. We went at midnight to that and they still showed half an hour of adverts and the film's three hours. Yeah, I mentioned they're obliged to want to. Yeah. So can you, in that situation,

you can, like, cover your eyes. Even though you can hear everything that's going on, you can tune out of it. Just be saying. Scream. What? He screams, he screams. Internally.

Can you? And then he can't hear it. Just tune out of it. I mean, sometimes Ellie's speaking to me and I'll just look at it and I'll be seeing the lips moving and I'll just tune out of it. Yeah, yeah. You have to learn to do that in a relationship.

You talk a lot of shit, don't you? It's passive elect of hearing. I think I can do it. I can be at a dinner table and said, like, oh, that kid over there. I'm like, oh, I would love that. When me and Etta were going down on the train to London the other week,

a couple of women, my age, got on, and they hadn't seen each other for a while. And the two hours, 15 minute on the train was just one big catch-up. And they weren't being so loud that it was obnoxious, but they were also projecting more than they needed to considering they were fucking 80 centimetres

away from each other, like, oh my God, and then this happened. And then obviously, with Josh, about my age. Yeah, but they might be harder hearing then. Right, yeah. You're right, I love.

Oh, I heard everything. I heard about a dad's stroke. Both. Yeah, they were talking about it. Yeah. Oh, God. And I just can't, it wasn't,

you'd never be able to go, ladies, can you shut the fuck up? Because it wasn't, there's no, it wasn't complaint level. But I, I,

I can't, tune that conversation out. As soon as I catch one thing, I find myself, like, drawn into it. I've always been the same. Do you not move? No, not on a busy train when you've got your kid with you. And she was so well set up with all her fucking paraphernalia and, do you know what I mean? Yeah, iPads and I just can't tune it out. And then I've done the same thing in restaurants. I'm like, oh, that conversation's mad. And Laura's like, which conversation? I'm at the one on the table there. Yeah, I can just, I'd love that. I mean, I don't think I'm switching it off. I can switch it on,

but I'm not, like, listening for everything, whereas she is so tuned into every noise. She's like, oh, God, that's doing me, I think. Obviously, it's just, like, it's misnorming. It's kind of good as a stand-up to have that, because you're aware of things and you, especially when you're new in comedy. Maybe that's why it's...

I can't go to live entertainment. No, I can't switch it off because of my work as a showrunner. If I go to watch, like, comedy and someone's talking, I'm like, like, it's, like, fucking nails on a chalkboard. They just drilled into me to go, shut the fuck up. So that's kind of ruined that for me a little bit. When we were in Harrogate, we walked into that pub. I didn't clock onto it, but you all went near the table that we were going to sit at.

And the fella went something like, listen, I'm going to say, trans women are sexy. That was the only bit of the conversation we've got. And he was just sat with his mate, a fella. And I don't know what it was. Like a pint of beamish was like, listen. I think it is. Some of them are. But some of them are very obviously, you know, not sexy.

Not sexy. Not your warm with a cock. There you go. Gave you one out. Chose not to take it. He didn't want it. Gave him five outs. Now, see, that's where I'm glad I've got the thing where I can hear,

because you want those little tip bits, don't you? A lot of trans women are really beautiful and statistically. Some of them are ugly. Yeah, a lot of women are ugly. Totally. A lot of men are ugly. Yeah. Hunters, is a hunter's chaffer?

Hunters chicken. Hunters. That's what I got in the pub. Trans women are beautiful. Do you know what I fancy? Hunter's chicken. Every fucking time. I love's dog.

Every fucking time. That's what that fella might have said back to him in the pub. Oh yeah. I have fancy hunters chicken. I think trans women are sexy. Yeah. That's two pro trans women, isn't it? You're two on the, like,

you've got to be able to make a judgment. Can't be like, I think all trans women are sexy. You're incorrect. Yeah, come on. What I'm saying, is it Hunter Schaefer? Yeah. They are an attractive lady. I don't know what they go by, so I'm going to gamble on they.

Oh, we do really well with these kind of chats. Well, you're naughty off way. Finn does know, though. Yeah. Yeah, but they isn't wrong. It is? Is it? Yeah.

Whatever they know over there? No. It's more than one of them? She's over there. Yeah. Okay, then what of the facing other way? What are they doing? What's she doing?

But I don't know. Is she? Because they're over there? You know who you're talking? You know full name? What I'm saying? You know her IMDB? If they were in their distance and not facing the other way, I wouldn't gamble.

I'd go, they? That doesn't have misgendered them? Just, you know. You want, it's a neutral term, isn't it? Exactly. It's why I've gone with a neutral term because I didn't know. Finn knows. Like, she?

She's fucking, she's a good-looking woman. I don't know who she is, but I think she's, she looks like a hunter's chicken in my. You allow what she looks like. She's a famous actor like. All right, great. She's in Euphoria. She's fucking boss.

Everyone keeps going on about euphoria. I don't know if you then, you wouldn't be able to watch it with the kids as well. There's loads. Definitely. So fun to imagine. Dan is just talking about happiness there, by the way. Everyone keeps going on about euphoria.

Happy ass. I'm really interested. I, you know, I'm mildly pleased at best. Well, Sydney's tweeting it a lot in the third season. I like part of, like to part of the levels where she's a giant in her every one of the episodes and she's caught she crushes someone with her tits

yeah what and you see full frontal Sydney Sweeney's naked tits hang on she crushes someone with her giant boobs they like pop there's a lot of weird fetishy stuff in yeah so the the director's been a bit been shunned by all the actors like you're a bit of a weird though

apparently they were contracted through the last season but none of them really wanted to do it oh so he's gone to the point where it feels a bit pervy yeah because he knows he knows what city Sweeney star is right now when he's lent on it

heavily. Right, okay. Yeah, but you do see it's it. So, so. That's right.

I mean, if you're gonna die, drowning in old fucking SS is. It starts off as a high school, like, fucking, like acid trippy kind of vibe.

And then it's, it's that good. That, that good. Yeah, do you reckon, um, a lot of the castes?

They all fell out, didn't they? Like, Zendayae apparently hates Sydney Sweeney. There's some scenes where they're together talking, and they're so clearly not in the same room. Oh, really? You know, it's like shot like, and it's quite clear that the other person's not there. Some people just refuse to work together.

And shows they're not just on opposite sides of the room because you'd still need to do that. They are on the opposite sides of the room. Like, I'm never in Harry's shot on the pod. I'm in post. Why don't you get in it? Prove that we're in the same room. We can't, Finn.

Oh, shit. I'll do it in post Why have you done that Now they know Harry's zoomed in Harry The first section was a bit dry Could you get on that orange couch You've got at home

Record something send it in I'm Frank My dad used to breed badges Am Frank Has a ham Frank A throwback To what To be saying a ham Frank once

Good line he did once All right We were giving Bob Mortimer And Vic Reeves Their flowers before the pod Their virginity you know, I had to take enough flowers,

in her. Giving them their virginity backs. Oh. Yeah, we gave them their virginity back. You're popping cherries before the pod. We went. We were rebuilding cherries, apparently. Yeah.

Yeah, Bob. Have your virginity back, lad? Nice one. Would you take, if someone could give you a little V card and be like, listen, you can lose your virginity again. Would you do it? Would you lose all your skills? Not that I've got loads, but do you go back to virgin status

in terms of ability? Yeah. No. Well, are you getting your virginity back then? You can't remove me knowledge. It just removes sort of the remnants of any pussy that ever be around my penis. You just need a good wash,

don't you? Some soap. You can't wash your penis. He's right. He's right. I knew when I mentioned Bob Mortimer and Vic Reeves, this is where it ended up. What do you mean you can't wash your penis?

You can't, like, remove the memories. You can't remove the act. still a penis. Otherwise, yeah, if I clean my arm, it's still an arm. Yeah, but it's not a new arm. It's not an unscathed arm. Otherwise, if, like, people wouldn't be asked about cheating, would they? You could cheat on lawn and be like, I'll wash it. Where have you been? I've been in the shower. That's all you need to know. You think that's why people cared about cheating? Because you've, like, scarred their cock. Yeah, does you can't get weathered? If you cut it does it have, like, rings like a tree?

I hope I never find out. Your cock gets wet. That suggests your penis grows every time you bang a different person. Is that my mind? You get a layer. Yeah, they get weathered. Do you think if you got your virginity back now?

Right. You've got the experience. So you've got the experience, but you just get it back. Right, right. Do you think you could lose it? Without paying. Oh yeah, if you said you're a 45-year-old virgin.

Do you think you could lose it? So I... Without... pain. Laura's gone. Yeah, Laura's gone. Oh, right.

Oh, no? No, no, if I, I find it pretty offensive. If I was like, Adam's clicked his fingers

and it was like on pod, so it's magic. No, it's part of you, divorce. I mean, so you and Laura

get divorced. And she gets the kids I get my virginity. Yeah. I'm back, baby. Yeah, couldn't have been your kids

because you were, you're a virgin. Do you think you could lose it? Oh, yeah. I've lost my kids. No, did IVF, couldn't you? Would you mean could I lose it?

Could you lose your virginity? Oh, within the fortnight. You're a 45-year-old virgin, Dan? Be on a date with me. I'm a new woman. I'm also a 45-year-old person. It's so good for. It's not what I'm going for.

Is it not? Yeah, I've just listened to two of them on the train. It's a fucking nightmare. So how old am I? You can pick. 26. 26, all right. That was too quick.

Too low? Too quick. Half your age plus seven. How old are you four? 46. Five. Yeah, but that doesn't abide by two. 46.

So I'm 30. All right. That's the lowest you can go. Thank you. All right, girl. Whoa. Yeah. Been hanging around with you too much.

I'm going to hear you too. So nice to finally meet you in person. Oh, we've been chatting online, aren't we? Yeah, yeah. Well, I'm just finding that out. We could have been, you know. Otherwise, how are we on a date? People, I can meet people in real life.

Why, you shout, really? I don't. She's not. I'm just finding out she's been chatting to me online. I thought we'd met in B&Q. Hardware. Wouldn't you like? Okay, we'll meet me in B&Q then.

All right. This is a rapper as well. Gangster. Crips or Bloodslove. So she's in B&Q, making B&Q sounds. This is the one. I think this virginity is getting lost earlier. She's mental.

All the mental ones are good at sex. If you see a woman in the aisle of B&Q going, not even with a member of staff. Excuse me, sir. I'm just a 30-year-old woman. I don't really understand being cute.

Could you direct me to the bang, bang, bang, bang, or the brr-br-br- yeah? Big screws? Are we in B-N-Q? Yeah, I'm in the bathroom section. I'm a little play around.

Or she's DJing. Are you DJing? Oh, she's naked, having to shower? Right, you need to call. Just practice in the shower. Right, so are we on a date or in B&Q,

or is the first date in B&Q? sniffing the paint yeah I think I'll join you I'd like get on that fucking magnolia high reminds you being a kid don't yeah because I used to sniff paint a lot

everything alright love can I just compliment you're in your knitwear really well really well chosen for the season anyway he's all in one aisle it's a small B&Q it's a big trolley

it's a B&Q local fuck the bidsies are it I'm testing the doors Oh, right, sorry. What are you trying to buy? You're anything in the whole area? Like I bought land. I'm building my own house, aren't I?

Ooh, she's got property. No, I haven't. I've got land. She basically lives in the park right now. Are you, mate, you know, do you work here? No. Oh, fuck off then. No, I can't lose my virginity.

Apparently, for medically insane 30-year-olds in B&Q, I'm not the one. Just doing it? I don't want to try. She's fucking ox. Why are we playing shillards without them, by the way? You try the locks? Screws. Is this a flat-ed screwdriver?

I genuinely don't know. I'm not going to be able to hope you're there. Can we ask for a man together? Oh! That's a good impression of a hammer. Why are you following me? Mate. Are we still doing it?

Oh, good. You're trying to bang it down? Because there's something about you. It was the way you did the drill sounds with both, you know, gunfinger. And I just thought, she's, I'm recently divorced and I've lost my kids

in a would you rather, essentially. And I'm looking for love. I'm wondering if I... I'm loving for somebody. Ah, is it too much? That's a lot, that. Weird. When you've not even been on a date with them.

All right. You're in being here. There's a burgher van outside. It's a divorced finalized? No. No. No, it only happened about 20 minutes ago. But I'm gagging to lose my virginity.

Why did you tell you're a virgin? Oh, you should never do that. I'm a 45-year-old. No, some women like it. I'm a virgin. Do you like it? No. It's not working out of this.

Move on. I don't know what you're going to. You're never going to lose it. Boys, I'd lose it so quick. Are you saving yourself for Christ? Yeah, I'm going to lose my virginities. I'm going to become a nun. But I want kids.

I've had kids and lost them. Have you had kids if you're a virgin? That's a great question. I don't really understand myself. Did you come in a little tube and throw it up your ex-wife. Yes, I did. Strange woman in being cute.

I came up a tube and threw it up my ex-wife. Maybe you could do that for me. Come here. No, you're not fucking out of you coming in a tube, Dan. You fucked it. He still hasn't lost. It's the closest. Oh, come on.

That's a half a win, isn't it? Coming in a tube. Coming in a tube and throwing it up her? That's 0.0.0.0.0.0. It's 0.5. Are you doing the throwing or is a doctor doing the throwing? I'll do the throwing. I'm the man around here.

We'll do it in B&Q. Yeah, so I probably wouldn't know. It's taking your virginity, like if you're a man and a woman could take your virginity, is that a thing for women? What do you mean? Like, my ex, where the first time we had sex

was fuming with me afterwards because I had lost my virginity to someone else. She fuming with you the afternoon? Did she not know before? She did, but she was sat in bed. She was like, wouldn't speak to me. And I was like, Was she a virgin then?

No. What? Always a good sign when a partner's trying to control your past. You cheated on me before we even knew. So hang on, she wasn't a virgin. She wasn't a virgin. But she was pissed off with you for not being one.

She was like, I just wish I was the one to take your virginity. And then I went, if it makes it any better, I didn't really come with the first one. Didn't really come. Like, that's point five of virginity.

Like, really? And she went, Oh, she was like buzzing. And I stayed with her for four years. She sounded great. Yeah, she was cool there, wouldn't she? Yeah, but in my head, like, that's a bit of a thing.

Do I mean? Like in Megalopolis, there's that virgin, isn't there? And they're all like, oh, no way, she's a virgin. Yeah. They're all, it's like a big thing in cultures, isn't it? Do more mature women value taking the virginity of a younger, more inexperienced man? Yeah, cherry snatches. I don't think it is.

I don't think it is. I don't think it's called a cherry with a man. Is it a different fruit? A legume was a bullhead snatched, isn't it? Bullhead snatchet. I took his bullhead. We are the bullhead snatchers. Lock up your sons, we'll snatch their bullheads.

So, apparently, a virgin in America is called a cherry boy. A cherry boy? Yeah. That sounds like someone in the 60s, you used to listen to like mod music. It's a slang term that, um, um, um, around the 70s for American GI stationed in Japan. There you go. Was she in American GI stationed in Japan?

No, she played netball, though. Next best thing. If that is in a section, I don't know what is. Shout out to all a bullhead snatches off there. Shout out to all the American GIs stationed in Japan. Fit. And we are... Back.

Okay. Yeah, we are. We're so back. Anyone? Nope. All right. Yeah, we're back as you've been fucking Gallivatin. What?

Where were you in the other day? I booked a day off. Is it a crime? Pretty criminal, yeah. It's weird. You've lost a passion, mom. Me and Harry were talking about this recently. It's weird working here because we like coming in.

It's like America. Do you know what you're like? You don't want to take time off and you feel guilty about taking time off, even though you shouldn't because you like it. You're the only one that takes a head. healthy amount of holidays from this company. Harry is committed to the point where it's mental. Carl

does every episode for a year and then wanders off for a month and half. I think I do it right. Okay. Stees pretty committed. I mean Josh is... Pretty committed. He's in every day. It's like 8 a.m. Seesier more than anybody.

Josh is in his own fucking world, isn't it? His kids go to school at 10. He's here by 11. It's great. He waltzes in and out like fucking no-well. He's business. When you've got clips blowing up, you're gonna... I hate missing an episode.

Like, the formal is real. Yeah. Yeah, it's weird. Like, I, I will do whatever I can to not miss an episode, whereas I think you, every now and then,

you're like, I'll miss one. I think it's healthy to miss an episode. Yeah, totally. That shows, Finn. Yeah. Imagine if you miss the Barack Obama

episode, you'd be gutted. I didn't know we were getting him in. Oh, it's basically 90% in it? I've got his number. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's it,

I mean, the fact that we're all not well, mostly, anyway, we're still here. You want to see us what I've pitched it in, bum and Trump? It's a move and it's a gift. I think you must get like, is it AI? Special privileges.

Oh, it's special privilege. Because they look like they don't get on, but actually they're bumming behind the scenes. No, it's like, play. It's a power play. I've seen it. Has anyone seen the new press secretary at the White House?

I did. Katie Zachariah. Where have they found her? She's amazing. I'm trying to avoid it. She's never spoke before. And now she's speaking. Her first time speaking.

She did this weird, like the slowest reading ever. It was like watching me trying to do an advert. It was bad. You're great enough of it. Oh, I was back in the day I was bad. That's why I said the word now. She turned the page and then she took three questions and it just looked like she was having a panic attack.

It was so mental. And she follows Caroline Leavitt, you might not like a politics, but she's fucking amazing at that job and has fallen out with the... It's falling out with Trump or whatever has quit the job. They haven't been able to fill the position,

but it is going to be a wild couple... I don't know how long she's going to survive, but they're going to be box office watching her muddle away through it. Like, you know, like, you're doing your maiden speech as the new press secretary. That's a job, isn't it?

Yeah. Like, you would learn what you're about to say so that when you get to the end of a page, you know that the three, words that complete that sentence on the next page, you just automatically say them. And she'd done none of that. So she'd be like,

and everyone is coming out in record numbers for President Trump because they like him. Oh, it's like a child reading. And someone asked her a question. Someone asked her a question about her husband. And she went, but the thing is about my president. I meant husband.

That was an interesting thing to say. You're like, who is this? Why have it? I mean, I try and avoid. She's a corporate lawyer, but no one can find where she has passed the bar in the States. And she was asked in front of Trump, and she went, China. I went to China.

It's insane. I love it. I love it. Great fun. Buckle up, everyone. Bring on the midterms. Right. Questions. Jake Shaw says, I watched a recent Erling Harlan YouTube vlog in which he explains that he goes to the end of his garden, chops and burns wood and just stares at it in order to achieve tranquility and peace for himself. And this got me thinking, during typical daily life,

do the boys do anything similar to find moments of peace and solace in their lives? There's an app for your phone called TikTok, and I open that and I just watch videos and just scroll through them. And honestly, it can make like seven hours feel like forming. Does it give you tranquility? It gives me information. Is it healthy? Huh?

Is it healthy? It feels great. I'm constantly stimulated. Wow. No, he wants the opposite of tranquility. You want to be on it. Yeah. Wow.

It's at my phone's whispering to me. Hey, come here. Look, videos here. Look at this. Wow. When does it tip over? Because, you know, when you've been doing something, you've been busy and then you go,

do you know, like if we've been out with the kids and we've, you know, doing that, oh, we're good parents. Look at us trying. Then you get home and they want to do something and you just get to sit down and go, I'm going to have a little scroll and not feel bad. What's the point where it tips over to?

It's too much. It's like half an hour of scrolling. Half an hour. When the light in the room's changed and you only notice when you do that and you go, I do half an hour to scrolling accidentally when I check our WhatsApp group. So I'll check to have a work group.

You're like, do I need to know any of this? Yes. Yes, but I'm not going to be there anyway. There we go. And then I'll go, oh, just have a little check. Oh, look. There we go. Dinner time now. Is there anything you do for... I've started getting baths? It's mindfulness, isn't it?

I've started getting bath. Do you take your phone in the bath? Yeah, of course I do. I'm not a fucking loser. I won't you get the bath? You're just doing what he's doing, but wet. Yeah? See, I take my phone in the shower.

I do. I take my phone in the shower. That becomes an issue because I keep on dropping. Do you use my phone in the shower? Oh, no, sometimes I do. You're scrolling in the shower. Not always. No, you don't.

I try and balance it on. We've got like a metal grate that has all the shampoo on. But sometimes it slides through and then just goes speaker first into the water. Actually, I'll put my phone on the great thing in the shower with a, like, you just put like a talk about it on the morning. No, that's fine. That's totally fine. You've got the phone in the shower. And while you're washing yourself, you scroll up.

Yeah, because how do I get to the next sticky duffy pudding review? Oh, that's fucking awful. Oh, Harry. great, he's dead good at it. I'll put like some tunes on and then put me phone in the sink because then it creates like a speaker. The old Victorian speaker. Nothing wrong with that.

Your brain's going to be more. But scrolling in the shower. It's not all the time, but if I'm on a run of like, because I can't brush my teeth now without, it's bad. I've got like a real addiction. I can't brush my teeth without doing that or walking around the house as well.

Sometimes I'll just, because if I can't stand there. I think a lot of people are like that though. I think a lot of people maybe round your age are. Yeah, I can't. I can't. stand. I could never brush my teeth and just stared at myself

in the mirror. You can't even do it. Like, you're bad. I think you're, I mean, you say you're bad, but yours is when you're in the car. You can't look out of the window. Yeah. You have to be on your door. But I don't realize that I'm doing it. But when I was younger, I used to imagine that people were running on like the sides

and on the trees and that. I might just start doing that. So is there anything, is there any part of your day where you go, I'm going to turn that off and just Is there any point? Because this is, this is mindfulness, isn't it? This is what's being described.

Anything that you do in the day where you go, I'm not going to put a podcast in or listen to TalkSport or scroll. I think it's got a bit like the... So I walked to M&S the other day, but I started like an audio book on. So that's still like a,

like technology. But that's the furthest I'll get away from. It's bad. But also at the same time, I work on my phone. That's my get out all the time. Yeah. Constantly.

Like sometimes we'll order food. It is for your brain to be bored. Do you know how much more creative you are if you're bored? Like, rather than constantly entertaining. And I'm not having to go with you because I'm not as bad, but I'm closely. I wish I could, it's like, um, like what Chris Kent was talking about. Like I had, uh, sometimes we'll order food and I'll give my phone to Ellie. And then while she's on my phone ordering the food, I'll go like that and touch my pocket.

Because, because, because, what I've noticed about you is, if there's any breaking conversation, like, if there's any breaking conversation, you just, just natural. Like, to be fair, as soon as we finish this section, all of us will check. Because you're doing that thing of like, well, we've purposefully, purposefully been off it. So you need to see if anyone's messaged. But you're any gap. Like, obviously, we were with each other for a week in Tanzania. And as soon as we weren't doing something, it's just, it's like quick draw, sort of like, oh, there it is. Yeah.

Yeah. When we were in the rainforest and we were in the tents and there was just no signal. I really felt it then. I just had to play me little balls game, but because there's no plug sockets in the rainforest, I'm not sure if you've heard. Like,

then my phone died, and I was like nothing. Can you come from ball play? Yeah, you can from nipple play. No, not put, but I mean, you can come from words.

What words? Just want to get you around. It's enough when you got an erection and the... What? Like magic. No, you can come. No, you can come. Like a spell.

Don't look at me like it's a fucking well-known fact. You're not like, you're dead turned on and Laura was like, he hadn't like making all your neck and she's saying stuff, you couldn't come. What, she's talking around my neck? What's she doing? She's leaning in? Your role playing being.

Is she going to batter me? Conjoined twins. Yeah, she's like being. And I feel like hot, hot, hot coffee breath on my neck. There's not, uh, there's no farther of two who can come from words. There might be like a 17 year old. virgin. But there's no

45-year-old father or two coming from words. He's a virgin again. He's a porn addict. That is true. I'm still, like,

do you reckon you could make a priest come with words? Possibly. Because if they're not getting rid of it. Because you can come from you can come from dreams and priests are weddings.

There you go, you can come from dreams. They're just words and you're dead. Ah, you shouldn't be coming from... Yeah, but it's pictures as well, isn't it? I suppose you can...

All right, okay. No, but that's a build-up of the Kummage, isn't it? That's basically your dick and balls doing like an auto update of like we've got a... What if she tickled your bollocks

for half an hour and then just keep shouting you there come on, come. Do you reckon you can come? Well like she's getting bored. Come on, come on! Come on! Half an hour I've been playing

with these fucking nads. Yeah, I love it when she's angry in Scouse and moving my balls around. But yeah, ball play, it's still like an intimate touch, you know? Yeah, you can come from nipple play. Not for me, I hate my nipples, but...

Good to know, well. Good to know. It depends how much of a stimulus in it is fair. Like, they say the male G-spot's up the ass, don't they? No. It's been just recently, but it's gone, hasn't it? No. Gone?

Is it gone? No, it's gone. It's not there. It was a lie. It was all a myth. So, Carl, your take is, you can't come from the male G-spot in your bummer. No, there isn't? It's funny.

It was gay doctors in the 20s. If you read Chamber of Secrets, Sexy enough, around someone's neck, they're jazz everywhere. Not the best book they choose, but maybe. I've always thought that was quite a weak argument from the gays, you know? Here we go. You know how like when that was canon, like the, the MLG spots up the arse. Like when fundamentalist Christians, I'd like to just be absolutely clear on this, I do not agree with.

Right? You know when they were always like, right, being. gaze against God, don't be bumming and all that. Still saying it. Still are. Still are. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the gaze would say, well, the male G-spots up the ass. So what did he put it there for if, you know, maybe he put it there because he thought that's the last place someone would look for it.

Maybe, like, just because he made it doesn't mean he wants people to find it. It's like a hawkrooks. Best face to hide it. Do I mean? But he made it, so he's like, I've got to put it somewhere. I can't just leave the male G-spot on the... It's like a hawkrooks. It's like he's trying to eye.

that. In plain side. And no one's going to find that apart from a fucking talented child and his friends. Harry Potter? Which book is this? Harry Potter and the

male G-spotter. Yeah. I'm a bummer. Maybe. We haven't done that for ages. Well done done. And a bloody good one at that. Once you've trained up a bit.

Something good one at that. Thanks, Erling, Holland. That was great. Kyle says, if you can play back any part of your life and put it on a DVD, Kyle is 62 years old, and put it on a DVD to keep,

what would you put on it? Do I ever got a DVD player? Well, if it's your favorite, I mean, you think it was favorite. I've got on a highlights reel of my best saves from football. No, you can't have it. send it out to close.

It's one save. One save. That's boring. That's what a moment is, yeah? Yeah, but it's lots of little moments. Is there not one significant one?

Yeah, there's loads of saves. I've made loads of saves over the years. Well, pick one. There's not any better moments in your life's going to save. Yeah,

there is, but loads of them are on camera. Like your family or when you were in kids? We've got loads of home videos from when we were kids. Not on DVDs. I've got them on my laptop. Was videos of me singing?

There's one at the end of the turkey special. Was Mehmet the cameraman? No. Oh, he's not been trusted with technology. That man does not need a video camera. That sounds more sinister than I meant there. My mom had a big camcorder. We still got it at home and filmed loads of a set growing up.

Oh, let's hope she's not using that still. I really hope not. Why? Self-sex videos at home. getting bummed and video is that what you I'm sorry no that's how she could use it

I'm saying that's how she is Did you just apologise to camera to your mother Yeah No I didn't say it Does she watch? She watches every every public episode

I'm not giving her The Patreon though I'll give it Oh Jude The Patreon Sorry Joe Yeah it's a weird question To ask us in it

All the cool shit I've done is on camera Yeah To a degree And you got your engagement filmed Yeah I know Would you want a pro version of that fight you had?

Like a proper filmed version of that? With commentary. Yeah. With like Joe Rogan. I don't think he would because then his story becomes even less true. It was true. I've got video evidence. Do you know what I would want?

Is video evidence of me dog getting that train? That's not your memory. Hang on. I want one of my own. I want my dog's memory. I want my dog's memory. Everyone's like, no way. Bradley could get a train.

That's fucking bollocks. I have to go see him. Look at the eye. Go, no one believes you. Bradley didn't get a train. He did. Then he has to understand what the concept of getting a train is. He waits on the platform.

He walked onto a train and drove off. Oh, he got a train. He got a train. That's what I do. He didn't get a ticket. I'll give you that. Do you think he chose that train? He went across to the other platform

because he knows that platform because he's gone to the beach before. It's just muscle memory. If you're new to the podcast, it's not muscle memory. It's memory, memory. Harry's dog. He's like a train.

Doing that independent. of his mind. Did he get a train to Southport? Yeah. He went to Beach Panley on his own, came back again. It was like, fell to day,

that lads. And Southport was the end of the line as well. He didn't get off it early. He wasn't like, this is my stop. Yeah, because he doesn't know what a fucking train is.

And he got there and then didn't know how to work the ticket barrier. Like, someone went, there's a dog on this train. He couldn't get out with that little view. How big is he? He's,

a dog size? Oh, sorry, I thought he was here. Yeah. It's what you did. He's not a little bit. Am I meant to say When one of my kids was born

You know, you don't want to watch that, do you? It's a mess, surely Oh, I mean, I wasn't there for the first one Yeah, you could say like their first birthday But you don't want to see them crowning, do you? Would you want crowdhood ones? Did they have cameras then? Like home cameras.

It's just right, everything down. Back in my... In your youth. You don't need cameras, this is like a magical thing? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Do you have any, like, videos or would you like them of like when you were young?

The 1980s It wasn't like, stay still I wasn't a prospector From Oregon in 1880 You could get someone to draw it down and do your little flick book instead Yeah Oh nice, thank you I'll have a flipbook

Of one of my children crowned What about? Did they have video cameras? My wife's... Goodfellas was out? What? In the 80s? Yeah.

The film Goodfellers. Martin Scorsese did our family. All our family videos. I know Martin Scorsese. He had cameras. I'm saying, did the Nightingales? No, we didn't. We didn't. What about you talk about your monologue

that you did in drama quite a lot? Stephen Berkhov's dog? Yeah. Yeah, well, we're not clipping that out. Heavy P-bomb. Who is? Stephen Berkov. You can have to give that some context.

In my A-level monologue in front of an adjudicator, I was put in front of him as the best performance. I got an A. But I did Stephen Burkhoff's dog, which is playing the racist guy with the dog and then playing the dog. The dog says the P-word. I think that's on a train. I'd love to say it.

But not because I say the P-word. Yeah, just to see it was edgy. It was theatre. You're allowed to say it in theatre. mine would be the goal I scored in year six in the Cup semi-final he said the P word

like that's how good it was yeah as I hit it instead of saying Gerard he's allowed he's allowed to say it went in oh man it's year six he was shouting the goal keep he was playing it Celtic I scored the hatch against Dave on St Mary in year like

got a fifth one of them now but do it all tapings all like around the six sharp box and I came off I was like I got a trick that I was like oh yeah my granddad he just buzzin for me and I went yeah but you're all just like shit tapping goes we're going go and you went no no no that's a good strikeer you want to be in the bike positions and I was like oh made me feel good you're playing left back though is that is that the video you want hot trick against Dave on St. Mary mate you've got they good I just no I just I just

just remember we played them on ask girl field beat them three can't be playing for A-bon I scored totally would you not want that would you not want like a video of when you met your beautiful, beautiful, supple wife. A video diary? What do you mean? What would that look like, though? Oh, you want the video of the first meet?

You want a hatchet when you're 11? The meat cute. The envy night, where you went, do you know what I mean? It's so romantic. It wasn't romantic, though, when you felt like it was, she was working in a nightclub

and I thought she was a very attractive woman. What was your first kiss was? It sounded like, like, do you know what, that's a good one, yeah? Yeah. Our first kiss was cool. I remember the spot on the road where it was on the road

Yes Yeah That's how passionate it was No way It was on the motorway In the middle of the 56 Yeah They were staying at the house

In the middle of the M62 I've got us somewhere secluded Now I walked it home Um Walked it home to hers And she had like It was in the middle of winter She had a massive

Fair coat on Oh A massive pair of tits On well don't car yeah and i remember that's a good one maybe maybe our first kiss yeah because i can play it like a video on my head be able to watch it be cool yeah what's yours that the goal yeah i think so there's a like in my head maybe not because maybe i don't want to be confronted with the reality of that goal because in my head it's like one of the best strikes ever oh ever it was a corner got edited out it landed to me

and I just fucking was it and in my head it went wha! Into the top corner and I think that's what happened but I don't want to know that it wasn't. And also you got engaged dead recently so you can remember all that. I've got photos of that.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, would you like a video of the man that stole the watch and then you know it is? Oh yeah, I've had loads of people messaging me going, where's the picture of him? It's like one of four pictures on the camera that just didn't come out. He's a lucky man.

Maybe he knew. I said maybe I'd like flash paper on his face. The San Sebastian Police Department keeps sending me pictures. of Marocca Mengo and Dithvan I keep having to go, no. Where are they from? Dizvon?

Mara. What's the Spanish accent? This one. That's it. That's a Mexican. That's a Mexican woman. Oh, close enough. Yeah, I'll show you.

This one. Fis one. Fax. Facht. They just keep sending me. Oh my God, they do as well. Disappearing pictures. This is not forever.

Check once. You only go to log. was. That's okay. You're not going for the birth of Eternow because you missed her. Me and Lohs had sex last year

and we did it twice in about 35 minutes. In the year. And just in the year. It was the it was the Witsen Tide bonk. We had sex and just

and just afterwards she went. It's a Rockefeller skank number two. Oh! This is the best sex I've ever had. 11 years in

11 years in What a fucking moment I'd love to have the playback on that Did she then say with you? No she said No she said Best sex I've had the last decade Because about six months a year

Before she said Very noticeably This is the best sex we've ever had And I was like Oh thanks babe You know And then process What?

Did you have Scoopy dude What if she said it's the best sex we've ever had, but it's not the best sex I've ever had? I think that's what was inferred with the first one that we just talked about. What if she said that? On the nose.

What if she said that? It's two on the nose. Yeah, if she went, this is the best sex we've ever had. Let me tell you about Derek back in 07. Oh, wow. Are we? Aurora again.

What? Chisora again. It's Derek. It's always. Editha Zora. Yeah. That's what the tattoo reminds me off. Jis Laura.

I want to the girl says, Sarah, Derek, Jiz Laura. It's nominative determinism if you're not concentrating. Do you know, genuinely? He came up on a really other day and I was like, fuck off. Because in my head, he's some bitterness. Yeah, yeah.

What if a woman said to you, I think this is the best sex I've ever had. Well, think hard a love. And then she goes, no. No. No, what if Laura went, listen, it's just good, but you know, you're not number one yet. Would that make you step your game up,

or would you get pissed off? I'd get a little pissed off and then step my game up, so it would get the effect. Have you got a note of? one. A notable best ever. You know when it was. Yeah.

Was it that one with Laura? It was that one with Laura? It's that one with Laura. These mics are weird, aren't it? It was all the ones with Laura. All of them? All of them. They just keep getting better.

Oh, oh God. Memory forever. Oh, God. Susan. O five. So five, won't it? Yeah. This might be a weird

personal question. Are the ones where you conceived good or are they just functional? I don't know which bunk that was with Jack, but with Etta. Etta was a headshot, wasn't she?

Heter was a headshot. I didn't even want to have kids. Laura's like, come on my face, but she moves quick. Head shots like the back of the head? No, but a headshot's like just one and done,

isn't it? Didn't you, didn't you fuck Laura once and then go, you're welcome? and she was right i have misinterpreted headshot there say you are now pregnant if i if a woman ever asked you to come on the back of their head i'd ask questions about that long-term relationship nah okay come on the back of my head yeah why no like the granddad like patcher in the back of the head

do the granddad just come on the back of my head would you know Are you telling us something about your grandson? That was a great hat trick. Why is Carl's hair spike in the back? There's a hell of a couple of goals then. One of them was a tapping. Let's do some advice. I want to change the subject.

To help. Oh. Oh. The best thing to do. If you want to do it, you'll be fine. If you don't, you might do time. Agony Adam That's quiet

I want my headphones Are you better ones Have a word pod at gmail.com If you want some advice, anonymous Higher lids, please keep me anonymous All right My mate has been with her fiancé For several years

Lesbian The other day She casually dropped an absolute massive bomb on me For the last few years For the last few years For the last few years, she's been having an affair with a middle-aged woman from America

who she met online. Naturally, I nearly choked. She then went to show me a picture of her, instead showed me a photo of the two of them together on a holiday. Apparently, they've met up several times on her solo trips. Her fiancé is completely non-the-wiser. Meanwhile, I've now been unwillingly recruited into this international lesbian affair.

What the hell do I do? Any advice would be appreciated. Love the pod. Cheers from an anonymous. Wow. The Interpol have to get involved in international lesbian affairs. As long as there's no crimes involved, no, I imagine.

I mean, it's heavy to drop that on your friend. How close are you to the, to the fiancé? I feel like... I don't think you can't mean. If you've got an American lesbian lover. No, no, I think he means the person that's written in.

Oh. I don't think you're fully committed. Can't be dragging other people into this shit. I think at this point, the person who's having the affair, I think the reason they're telling other people on a subconscious level is because they wanted to come out. Yeah.

I think you're right. I think they're, like, I'll tell them, and then they'll, it'll just unravel from there and I don't have to be the one to actually fucking grow a pair of bollocks, and then you wouldn't be allowed. to be a lesbian anymore, but grow a pair of bollocks and say to me, fella, hey, I've been muffed out of America, by the way, soz. Wait, no, it's, they're all a lesbian couple as well?

Yeah, she'd have to get a whole pair of lips, mate. Is it definitely a lesbian couple as well? My mate has been with her fiancé for several years. Yeah, this would be a fella. The other day, she kind of dropped on absolute basketball. Oh, yeah? I think it's a fella. I think, oh, so she's, she's, like, changing menus.

She's gone to, like, the fish menu. instead of the sausage menu. Fair play. A classic. Sausages and cod. I think you bang on. Because I think the rational part of a Brady is like, oh no, we're engaged.

But I think like the subconscious is wants the mayhem of it all coming out. It's too big a... It's too big a secret to keep... I don't think they want the mayhem. They just want the lies to just end. Right. They just want it done with...

Like they want to just go and eat pussy in the Americas. The Americas? Solo trip. Plural is a bit odd. Well, I went on a solo trip. Yeah, yeah. And I met a lesbian from America as well.

She wasn't into it. Every now and then, a solo trip, if you're in a relationship. But I imagine if you're doing it all the time, and you're like, no, I don't want to go on holiday with you. No, not necessarily, because they might have three other holidays a year. But when they met, she was... Who were they me?

She was like, I just like a solo trip. You've constantly going to America's mad, though, were they? Yeah. I'm doing a solo. trips to America again. Quite clearly a lesbian. Come on, mate. Where are you going?

Oh, San Francisco, is it? He goes to America all the time. I'm not quite clearly a lesbian, is he? I don't know with that fucking net one. I'm a lesbian cowboy who wears cardigans. So what? Get over there. Shoot me.

But would you get involved as the mate who now knows this information? Yeah, because that's what your mate's actually wants. To do? Run into his house and just tell him. Or him. Steve! Your wife's an American lesbian.

Does it change if it's a... What's saying it like Green Day? Does it change what you do if it was a man or woman? Sorry? Does it change what you would do if it was a lesbian that's still being a lesbian or if it was a straight person that is dabbling? Same thing.

No, no, no, no, no. Oh, it's cheating. Cheating, baby. Cheating's cheating. You don't get a pass because... Oh, I don't want to get involved because the... like a gay relationship involved. I would not let you off of you a bum and a fella?

No. And especially if I went, do you know what? This is the best sex I've ever had. So if I laura found out you were going to, I don't know. Disneyland. No, like Maryland in America

and you were bumming a fella. Of all the states to choose, what a choice. You'd have to keep coming home with loads of cookies. So any reason I went and the bumming. Oh. Where's down?

Maryland. I think you know what I mean. He's watching the commanders. Yeah, she'd be annoyed, car. I think the cheating thing isn't... What did it end there? The dangerous thing, yeah. Genuinely.

If I got bummed by a man? Yeah, I think... What have you been bummed a man? No, it should be fine. That's the dangerous thing. I've got needs. The dangerous thing, yeah, or the potentially problematic thing... Is if you do tell her fiancé assuming it's a man,

you are outing her sexuality, which I think is illegal. So you have to go in the house. Steve, Steve! She's cheating! It's like how you can't divulge anyone's medical information. I can't tell anyone if you've got hepatizers. Because you might not want them to know, and it's the same if you need pussy or cock.

Just don't do it at work, and then it's not illegal. It's illegal to tell someone someone's gay if they're gay. Yeah, at work. If they are not out. Or in the press. So don't put it in the paper or do it at work and then it's fine. Just do it outside. So you listen.

Oh, sorry. Or if it's a threat. So just say, softly, at their house. Steve, Steve, got to tell you something. She's going to Marylands. Not for the cookies. You pick Steve because it's Adamant even at Arthurman Steve. No.

Quite the pickle. They've told you because they want you to fuck shit up. Yeah, they want your help and getting it out. They won't be able to tell you that either. Don't want her to be American lesbian. Boom, I know. All right. With that, let's have a break.

Ladies and gentlemen, the long overdue debut of I'm over there. I don't think any guest, I don't know, have you made the effort in terms of the colors you're wearing because of our logo? No, I'm afraid that's not the case. Oh, this is the whole thing. It's because it's spooky season. It's not because it is spooky season, of course. But every day is spooky season for me.

I'm committing very hard to the colour orange at the moment and I'm doing a show about it. But, I mean, listen, I was delighted when I saw the sofa. It's like we did it especially for orange crush. There's no need for that. Thank you. Some firm promotional muscle. So when I heard about your orange crush show, I was like, wow. I wonder how much he's committing to the bit. And when you walked in and you're looking stylish.

There's good of you to say, not everyone agrees. It's full commitment to the orange bit. We're three days into the dye. So it said it's most orange. I've done this a couple of times now. And it's a sort of six month sort of orange back to grey. And in the middle, I've got to say, I fancied myself a bit this summer when the orange goes a bit strawberry blonde in the heat wave.

And you don't have a gig and it's the World Cup quarterfinals. Yes, I will have another neck oil and get behind Cape Verde. But I would say this much orange, my friend Hannah did it, and she's got fantastic orange her. She knows what she's doing. But I was like, oh, yeah, I'd forgotten how orange it is. And have a word next week. It's a video podcast.

That's okay. I'll blend into the sofa. No, it looks absolutely class. And I'll be honest with you. I was about 15 minutes getting back, late getting back from lunch there, and I apologise for poor time. I'm not normally like that either.

You've been very generous about my time keeping lately. It's been very generous about my timekeeping lately. Fashionismally late? Just a little bit of fun. It's all promo, isn't it? That's not what the show's not about being fashionably late, but, Maybe it will be now.

I'm still working on it. I have spent my lunch break buying the components of a boo basket for my misses. Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa. There's a very famous clip of Havarwood where you've pushed very

fairly firmly against the boo basket. I know, but he likes this one. Yeah. Look, this was last year. It was the same. It was Alex last year. Look, I went very hard. Do you know what a boo basket is? I actually don't, I'm afraid. So a boo basket is a basket you make for your boo.

During spooky season. Oh, yeah. Where, like, the word boo is associated with ghosts and shit. Oh, yeah, okay. And basically, you buy them some socks and a candle and a bit of fucking chocolate, and you put it in a basket and you got where you are, shut up now. Right. It's a way, shut off. It's a very romantic thing to do.

Now, I, uh, last year, she asked me to do it, and I said, no, fuck off. Like, I don't really like having to buy someone gifts. I like being able to go, I got your Sutton because I didn't have to. If I have to, I'm not doing it. It's a resentment of authority, I think. Nothing for Christmas, but maybe a surprise in March.

Happy Paddy's Day. There's eight pints. It's a PDA. It's not public to play of affection. It's another one. It's like a fighting against the authority. It's a thing in schools now. But kids have got it.

Yeah, I've just got an a version. Like, you're not telling me what to do. I'll buy you the present when I want. It does feel like this is a pretty massive concession from you to everything you hate, getting this boo basket. I'm on to be here on such a historic day. Do you know what it is, right? Because I got engaged recently.

Congratulations. Again, she mentioned a boo basket. I was like, you're not fucking get one. And I was like, do you know what? I reckon a lot of couples, a lot of men, especially in a heterosexual. I reckon they get engaged. They get the yes. And they just immediately relax and stop putting effort.

And I thought, maybe I should up her. So make less ever before she said yes. And then from here on in, she's like, wow. Exactly. If you won't get engaged to meet my worst, you don't deserve to marry me at my best. Treat her like shit. Yeah, yeah. And then once she said yes, oh, charm offensive.

Paird of socks. What kind of socks? Like 40 socks? Yeah. Just got Barcelona and away. Fossi socks and sports diet act. That is so mental. Is that what you buy as well?

No, Barcelona and away. into my head then. Unreal. Spooky. Spooky, down that. Spooky. Some fluffy socks for like, Hey, it's called. It's called.

Hey. So is someone ringing the bell? What's mean? You were like, Carl? You heard and knocking again? Prow's hearing things. There's a lot of people in this building, to be fair. There is a lot of people. It's fascinated to be a newcomer in this vast universe of having one.

Also, I watched that happen. Everyone was in here. and then I went to come and say hello but then everyone came out like a reveal like one after the other it's the dogs it's the dogs it's the Mary Poppins podcast it's like out of the bag another white guy

and dogs there's a diversity of species in the building so you get what footy socks a pair of foot socks a candle a special candle or like a Halloween candle just an orange one this is all good for me

Any specific flavour? It's honey apple. Nice. That's... An hat. She doesn't wear it at, but maybe she will now. What kind of art? Like a...

Fodora. A fedora. For the audio listeners, I don't mind putting on a hat. You know, a hat. No, that's how you put fedora. Fantastic. Not a Johnny.

Paying a Barcelona socks. A candle. A fedora. If you don't do this now and film it, you'd have shit off. And he's bultz her in for five a side. Right. And a couple of...

A couple of bath bums. Orange fedora? Orange fedora. My dad got me in orange fedora for Christmas. He said if you're having this breakdown, you better do it properly. With a fedora. No son of mine is going to have a one colour-based breakdown without a fedora. But I was amazing at someone else's.

I feel a real kinship with your fiancé immediately. Can I pop an orange Tony's truck a lonely bar in your boo box? A basket, sorry. I don't think you know all that well to me. I'm sorry. Come on now. An engaged woman, of course. When did the orange crush stuff start?

You're not like, this has been going on a while. Well, I'd start the tour about a year and a half ago. But as I say, it was getting the fedora at Christmas when I thought I'm in this now. And what was the genesis of this? The genesis of this was I was doing more stuff for the MS Society, which is a charity of a very orange colour scheme. My mum has MS, so I'm very proud to represent them.

And whenever you go to any MS thing, it's mega orange. so I thought I'm going to really get into that. And then they don't demand orange fedoras from their ambassadors, but I still thought they'll be impressed. And then I also joined some student, I joined some fan protests at Swindon Town Football Club who play in red,

but the fan protests, the colour is orange, wear orange hats to distinguish yourselves at the county ground. And I was really proud to get involved in that. Have you worn the fedora to the protest? I haven't worn the fedora to the protest, admittedly. I feel quite a lot of more.

think that I'm a Burke who's undermining the cause. And I think the Fadour is not how you row that back, sadly. But, no, the Fadour is sort of long walks and the occasional country in Western gig. Of course. Oh, you too. It's not hammering the streets of Swindon demanding a better future for our community asset, which I'm proud to do, may I say.

And I've got so much other orange stuff for that. So I thought I'll do a show about both of those things and commit as much as I can to the extent that people are genuinely concerned. Well, I think you should wear the fedora to that because I think the fedora,

although it does sort of wink at Western culture, I think it actually commands quite a lot of respect. It's worn by like mobsters. Yeah? Yeah. Like I wore a fedora

to Will Huchby's wedding. It's more of a plum colour, my one. But very notably, it wasn't in Swindon, that wedding. And more's the pity. Yeah, I'll, I'll let you know.

I mean, I'm coming up hopefully to watch Swindon away at Tramere in January. So maybe Brenton Park will see the orange fedora. It's my Print and Park debut. Let's make it one to remember. That's the plan. I don't know too much about MS, and I don't want to stand too much on your show,

which you're bringing to Liverpool in November. We believe it's the 11th of the 11th. It's very elegant again. It's at the Playhouse? It's at the Playhouse. I quite literally think it's the Playhouse. And we've agreed that I should know more, but also there is a bit of a confusing branding issue,

and actually every man playhouse need to have a bit of an internal com. Anyway, sorry, Adam, stick it to the disabled. Do what you do best. I believed myself to have their mess for a while. It's may I say it, and I'm genuinely, I'm very impressed by what you've built here, and I'm very grateful to you for having me, but insensitivity around disability

and a sort of manic hero complex have dovetailed perfectly. I get a lot of extreme health anxiety. Yeah, yeah. And I was having quite a lot of anxiety at one point, and all the symptoms of it, when you Google them, it was like you've almost certainly got multiple cirrhosis. And then the scam revealed,

I just have IBS and the occasional panic attack. Okay, well, obviously, you know, it wants more thoughts and prayers on those. What's the colour for the awareness for those two? I've bought too many fedoras now. I can't be changing colour. I can't get behind the occasional panic attacks and IBS movement if it's a purple fedora.

It's just, you know, my hat stand's going to fall over, Dan. But I mean, you know, I get that completely, that sort of hypochondria and also just probably some very legitimate symptoms. My mum had a similar scare, but she obviously was, right. The years have really borne out those suspicions. But of course, there is also a... I think that's handling the situation sensibly.

I don't know. On the orange, on the orange, people go mad on this orange sofa. And I arrived mad. So anyway, there are different. I mean, there's relapsing. My mom has secondary progressive. There is relapsing, remitting, where it is sort of more occasional flare-ups, and it might be that sort of thing, of course. And I remember when I was about 12 years old, my mum had that, basically, I remember in autumn where it's like my mum had a sort of, like, she didn't write because she had a sort of funny hand for a bit. And you know, when you're 12, you're like, you could not care less about anything. everything was an interruption to wanting to play sort of, you know, FIFA,

whatever my football video game at the time. He was like, didn't care about mum's funny hand. 9-11 was a bit of an irritant as well. It's like just something that interrupted being able to sort of like play and talk about football all of the time. And then, but then for a few years later it became a more sort of permanent situation in my family's life, both MS and obviously just, the rumble of Middle Eastern

politics. We literally got to one of the three places. We got to one of the three places and he took us there. Isn't that great? It's mental. 9-11. 9-11 is one of the...

Like, it's all roads need to 9-11 or Auschwitz. Oh, yeah, no, I thought I would yeah, I thought I'd save Auschwitz for the second half. That's a hell of a word you're cooking up. It's a bingo card. You get off the train with your bingo card.

You get it. And you say hello to the massive dogs, and then you try to hear all the key topics as quickly as you possibly can. What's that clip of you on morning television trying to get words in from these guys? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Trying to say, like, a flute to... Well, I just, you know, when you do any sort of morning television, you sort of, you know, I went on that because they asked me to.

And but also, I suppose that I'll be able to relate to this as well, but also yourself. when you sort of start out in comedy and you sort of get asked, do you want to go and do something on the TV? Or do you want to go and do this podcast or do you want to do whatever. Early on, you are just so, like,

sort of grateful for any opportunity and you think everything is going to just magically help you in some way. So you'll go, yeah, I'll go on, you know, good morning Britain and talk about live at the Apollo being cancelled, and then everyone will buy tickets to my tour. And then you realise quite quickly

that it actually does fuck all. unless you make it do something. So I was literally in the taxi on the way there. I'd got up at like, God knows, five o'clock in the morning to go and do it. And I was just like, why am I fucking doing this when I know it's going to do nothing?

And then I was like, hang on. If I can somehow make it funny and then like tweet about it or Instagram about it, then yeah, I'll make it work that way. Yeah. Because I knew they were just going to,

they ask you a question. And then just as you get to the interest and points, you've got any answer. They ask you the next one. Everything's rushed and it's never... And they had... What was the thing they did before me?

Like the... Bees in Argentina or something. Like an hour's worth of bee stuff. Yeah. And then they were like, and now we've got Adam. Rowe, hey, Adam, you did live with the Apollo, didn't you? Was it good? Yeah, he said it's gone.

Anyway, that's all we've got time for. Bye! Well, obviously, it's hard because you want to play... You know, you have to play the game and play the room you're in. And I was actually received some negative comments online when I was on Saturday Kitchen because apparently I didn't show enough respect

to National Biscuit Day. I was accused of not clearly not having been listening during the bit of National Biscuit Day which, you know, I wasn't. And sometimes you do have to sort of play the biscuits in front of you. But on Sunday brunch, I was on with Adam Juris from Counting Crows. And my best friend, who is, of course, called Julian, he loves counting crows. And I said to Adam Turrets on the show, I just want to say my friend Julian.

I'm a big fan, but my friend Julian wants to say that Mrs. Potter, Lullaby is one of his favorite songs. And Tim loved her. I had the cheat to be like, can't you do that in the ad break? I was like, Julian, weren't we watching during the ad break? I'm complimenting Adam Churitz of Kenton.

Now on the television. It didn't go down as well as you're live at the Apollo bit. But like, you've got to have fun in the room, I think. You know what I mean? You've got to make it like entertaining for yourself and also like, at the end of the day, the truth is the only reason any of us are doing any of those things

is because we want to be able to sell more tickets. And the only way we sell more tickets is by proving that we're fun. and worthy of coming to see us try and be funny. And if you're just there going, yeah, it's sad, it's gone. I hope sort of replaces it. It's just not going to... Well, I agree with you broadly about the wanting to sell tickets thing. It's hard because the primary reason I'm here, of course,

I'm doing a Liverpool gig in November, and I would like to sell a few more tickets to it. But it's not... I'm not here purely on a promotional, like... I'm nervous about being on the pod because it's such a big thing and it's such a well-established thing. But, like, it's partly like, I've got... got the day to come to Liverpool,

so you guys might see Alfie afterwards. Like it gets, you know, sometimes as a stand-up, it's about just getting out of the house and having new experiences as well. Yeah, totally. I just, I suppose I'm being very reductive

in what I'm saying. But I mean, the only reason I did, BBC breakfast was for that. Yeah, but that's a beautiful spot the industry's got in now where really good comics that you rate and like

have their own platform and they invite you on. And partly, yeah, you're like, okay, this will be good for getting me extra follow. or whatever, but also it's a good hang. Yeah, yeah.

Because there isn't some TV producer leaning over your shoulder, just sterilising the whole thing. That's a great spot to be in, where you're doing the bit, but you're also having a laugh with your mates. For sure, goodness me. It almost turned into an ad read at the end there.

And that's why we're sponsored by podcasts. Check them out. Sometimes you just want to see your friends and have a laugh with your mates. But when your mates aren't there, better help will always listen, of course. When it, before the, before we started recording, and you mentioned there, you might go and see Alfie afterwards, you said you're quite fascinated with Alfie's relationship with his massive dog, Pinter. Yeah, yeah.

So I come into the, into the have a word, HQ, the heart of the beast. And I have, you know, I've got a bit of a sense from anecdotes from friends who've done it and talking to Alfie in particular about what an operation is. It's clear. It's not just what you can see on the cameras. But I'm trying to guess in my head at how many. people are going to be. And I reckon, I mean, I try and buy a bar of orange Tony's Chocolonely for everyone.

And I haven't bought enough Tony's Chocolonely. I bought seven. I thought, I thought that I thought there'll be, you know, can I say the Fab Four? Is that sacrilege in this town? Harry's devastating. It is, Harry. It is.

It is now. Sacrilegious. Honestly, his face is like, no. You're Epstein. Harry. Brian. Brian. And he's quite a big, I think James Norton's playing. Anyway, never mind that now. So I don't, so there's, I think there's going to be seven or eight people.

But there's probably 12 people. And there's lots of, you know, it's a great energy, but it's a business. It's a fun office. And then there are also two massive dogs. And I'm not scared of big dogs. And I don't want that rumor starting. But there is also no concession to the size of the dogs, really. There's no like, you're okay with dogs, aren't you?

Or like, yes, I know these dogs are massive. It's just an acknowledgement like, yeah, and here are the dogs? They're huge. They were good with you. They were really chill with you, noticeably. Yeah, because I met them head on and I didn't show fear. I've read the, what was it called? The Ultimate Disaster Survival Guide, that book everyone got for Christmas in 2002,

that little yellow one about how to sort of, you know, hit a crocodile or jump out of a car. They should write that about going to have a word. It's like, there will be dogs. And also, there's, um, the last thing you're showing Adam before I sit down, Carlis, is a video. And you say, it's, oh, I've just shown out of video. It's my dog, uh, dog shagging his dog. Uh, no, no, so my dog is, Remy. My dog isn't in today.

I do apologize. It's Remy face fucking Perry. Which camera, do I say that down? I was wrong. If his dog is ever face fucking his dog, his dog wants it. Okay. I've got a miniature sausage dog. He's not in today.

Oh, I've got so many things wrong. But as I said, I wasn't expecting to be talking about dog fucking at all. I thought we were going straight to Auschwitz. But like, there is a scene, I think, in the office where like it's about a bunch of intimidating guys. And listen, I think it is when Brent goes to a warehouse. But this is not meant to be a class-based issue. It is purely about. male energy. And he's showing him a video. And this is sort of before smartphones. And he's literally

says, it's my dog. It's my dog. It's my dog. It's my dog. It's my dog. Wow. One minute in to have a word. I'm already in the situation way in the most famous comedy of the century. We're the warehouse. We're a pardon of ourselves. That's a fucking awful. But it's a great parody. Like, I love, you know, there's so much stuff in this room that I want to talk about, compliment, contribute to. I've bought football cards, which we'll get to. Of course I have. Well, thank you very much. Can we get straight into that? We absolutely can.

Okay. To open or to show? Sorry? Have you got like, are you opening them or have you got like ones to flex? Yeah, I've got one to flakes and ones to open. I'm double parked. So in 1998, in my shreddies, I would get pro-match 98 football cards. The big heads. They're sort of

artistic impressions. So the first one I brought for you, Carl, is an Everton legend. and he's playing for them in 1998. What? Well, it's an evident legend playing in 1999. I was trying to guess.

But he's also been very relevant to Everton in recent years as well. David Unsworth? No. It's Duncan Ferguson. There we go. So do you sort of vaguely recognise this sort of card?

Yeah, and you get books to them as well. I was obsessed with these as a kid. I'll just take that. Oh, thank you. Unbelievable. But because I sort of hide behind these cards a lot, They bring me comfort in times of darkness. And so I'm buying them a lot on eBay at the moment.

And so I buy lots of packs and I bring them around as gifts and I've got a folder with them all organised by team. And when I was messaging you, Adam, about coming on the pod, I was sending you some pictures of Liverpool ones without the names. You were in trying to get me to guess them. Yeah. Just before we move past Big Dunk, I really have to just tell a story that I actually completely forgot to tell you this as well.

So Duncan Ferguson has done quite a few. at Hot Water Comedy Club, they do, as well as the regular circuit comedy club stuff, they started doing,

you know, like sort of after dinner things where they'd have like, and now we've got Premier League referee. Jeff Winter. Like doing a thing.

They started doing that but without the dinner essentially. It was Jamie Sutherland who does a lot of match day hosting at Evan. He, him interviewing

like a former footballer, so I met Kevin. Kevin, Kevin Kiego. I met Kevin Keegan, rest in peace, when he did a thing there. And Duncan Ferguson's done it a few times. And I met him in the dressing room the other, like, month. And he walked in.

And I was how are you, mate? You know, I'm Adam. And he went, you're dead, aren't you? Like, immediately. I can smell it. Get in. He's a fucking nosy. I think it was the way, because I was obviously polite,

but not, I was scouse polite and not really asked to see him. Yeah, yeah. I think that's what gave it away. I went, oh, you know what it means? And he went, oh, you know, don't know, don't you? It's made the hot water dressing rooms, like, so much more interesting when you're like, I didn't think I'd be seeing Ishaan Akbar talk to Bruce Grob a lot tonight.

But it ended up going, kind of how I expected it. Fantastic. Yeah, well, I mean, I kind of think that those things should be like, I mean, I support Swindon. We, you know, we hate Oxford. That's, the A420 Derby is not one of the great derby's in world football. But like when it's, you know, as serious as that is, but when it's like, you know, Liverpool, Everton or United City,

there's a clip of Gary Neville not acknowledging Peter Schmeichael in the tunnel, I think, because Schmichael has moved to City and he's playing against him. And, you know, I don't agree with everything that Gary Neville has come to Stanford, but I do think, like, fair enough, actually. Like, why is Schmichael playing? for city. Yeah. Like that,

like, you absolutely don't do that. Yeah. And I, I like, I like the thought that, like, obviously if Duncan Ferguson

never spoke to you, that would be insane, but the fact that he's making you work for it. And maybe the fact that you're making him work for it as well, because you weren't, you know, you don't want to be photographed with Big Dunk. It's like whenever Michael Owen gets interviewed now,

and he acts like he can't get his head around why Liverpool fans don't like him. He's like, what was I supposed to do? My options were Evan, and Man United, Stoke or retire. So I have to choose Man United.

It's like, no, you go to Stoke. You go to Stoke. Like, you will, like you will eventually. And he did. Yeah, yeah, just skip United and go to, be better at Stoke. Be more of a Stoke legend. I love that Ferguson's now more than the media as well. I was thought he would just like disappear

because of the way he was like a big, but he's so much more part of it. Yeah, he absolutely stinks. So someone who just goes and spends all his money buying our pub. So what? But he speaks really well. Apparently it's an amazing show. And him and J, they've,

sold it so much. Like, it's been one of the most popular ones they've ever done. It's, I think it's got... What Jamie and Duncan at Hot Water? Yeah, it's like, they've got a hit, haven't they? Is it because he just basically didn't do anything

for years? So there's been a, like, a build-up of interest. Probably. Do you know, you know when someone broke into his house or two lads? Yeah. And when he said he got excited who's on the couch and two lads broke into his house, and he was like, oh, good. I went out and just kicked this shit. Like, one of them got away and he nearly, like,

murdered the other one. And he said he felt like a... not feel like a yeah yeah it's going to kill someone the wrong house to burglary yeah yeah I imagine that's the same feeling

I got on the train last week with that nodded yeah yeah yeah it's the same thing on a different scale imagine breaking into someone's house and going oh lad what don't confess fuck we've got the wrong house here

because he's just gonna fucking break back to our selection of cards oh yeah well I'm afraid I don't have a Michael Owen I sent that off via post two days ago to a guy I was slagging him off to

at a wedding last week. I sat next to a guy called Will and I had some football cards with me and he said that his family were Liverpool fans and I had a Robbie Fowler with me. So I gave him Robbie Fowler. I said, that's a good card. He wasn't that into football.

I was like, take that home at Christmas. Robbie Fowler will play well. But he said, oh, I sort of wished it was Michael Owen because he said I really fancied Michael Owen when I was a kid. And I was like, well, of course in 1998, who didn't, or even 2001. but I was like a bit of a shame at what Michael Owen sort of become, isn't it?

And this guy who wasn't, you know, massively into football and only really remembers one crush from 30 years ago. He's like, what's wrong? And I was like, oh, I mean, I don't know. I don't want to speak for, but I think Liverpool fans would say, oh, go to a man United was a pretty huge betrayal. And also he's famously like, he's like a byword for lack of charisma. And he's got that interview where he says he's only seen eight films, which is quite funny. But like, it's also like, he's not exactly, you know, this was quite a sort of media wedding. It's like, there are a lot of filmmakers at this wedding.

who even working for if there are only eight films and they've already been seen, Michael. But he's too interested in promoting the Dubai skyline as a YouTube video of him flying a helicopter. He's clearly not even in a helicopter of Dubai. He's just, and, you know, obsessed with, you know, horse racing. He's just, unfortunately, a sort of very boring man who just wants to promote Dubai wherever possible. Like, you know, obviously many of our childhood crush is sour, but few can have soured more than Michael Owen. Anyway, apparently that was bad wedding chat, so I've sent to Michael Owen in the post. Is that a fair summary of this sort of situation?

It's absolutely perfect, yeah? Who else have you got? So, well, Adam, and it made me realize, of course, that, you know, I'm an old, old man. I'm two years older than Adam Rowe, and that makes a big difference when you're a child. So, of course, you were probably four in 1998. I was six. Six, sorry. Six in 98.

So, of course you might not remember Bjorn Tora Kvama. You know, does anyone? But he played for Liverpool in 1998, according to this. He was plucked from obscurity by Roy Evans in the spring of 1997. I do not remember Bjorn Tora.

Wasn't it like Kavana? Kvarni. Maybe I've read, sometimes, and this is a shame on pro match, sometimes they are misspelled. Lucas Radaby's misspelled. Disgraceful. But yeah, I'm sorry,

Adam, that you've not remembered him. But, you know, memory loss is one of the first signs of MS. So the next one is... He was club captain. Yeah, it's true. That was Jamie Raddock. But, you know, if, if, if, if you don't remember Steve McManneman, it really is time for the motor scooter, I'm afraid.

Oh, yes, yes, yes. Because that's, that's obviously a good... Him and Robbie Fowler are starting a podcast. Steve McManerman and Fowler. Yeah, called Will have a look. When? No, they are not. They are.

They are. I saw it yesterday. have a look. Are they getting a comedian in to be the third wheel? No, it's like Nicky Button Paul Scalls of them too. Leon Osmond and Tony Belly, who've got one as well, don't know if you've missed it. What's it called? Outside the box or...

Oh, I thought you were setting up a joke. No, they've genuinely got one. Oh shit. Oh, good look to them. Do you not know the... Do you not know the We'll Have a Look quote? Oh, excuse me? So the title of their podcast, We'll Have a Look. Oh, yeah.

Is a now memed piece of Commentary from Steve McMahon. Sure, we'll have a lot. Of course we'll have a look. Yeah, Laura's onto it. Yeah, of course we'll have a lock. How recently is it? Last 18 months.

Oh, that is a real shame. I'm out of the game. I have been off socials a bit for the last few months for the bloody mental health. And I knew I was going to miss some fucking commentary. I'm not as McMannerman literate as I hoped to be. I'm very sorry. I will research it before my next appearance and have a word.

Or we'll have a look if they book you. Oh, we'll have a look. Yeah. As I said that, I thought, that sounds unbelievably entitled, but hopefully it comes across as a joke, but it's not completely a joke. You're welcome anytime. I'll tell you that immediately.

Could have done that in the ad break. I won't take it from Lovejoy, but I'll take it from 19 people. I mean, if we're not calling an ad, break there. When are we calling it? See, in a bit. What I do, man. Podcasting?

Oh, we were talking about farting into microphones. That's what we do. I've got a question. France, now, we don't usually do questions. But I vote, you're very good at comedy. So, you know. Franz says, we're an indictment of every other guest ever. I didn't love it, actually.

As a big fan of your previous guests and not a massive fan of myself, I'm under a huge amount of pressure. Let's start again. Edit that out. Here we are, second section, everyone. We always do questions. Oh, yeah. Franz says, Wagwag Lids, question.

If you existed in the 14th century and had to get a real job, what job would you choose? In the Middle Ages, an ale tester was an actual job where you had to get shit-faced for the good of the town. What job are you choosing, 14th century?

I'm presuming England. This is Henry the Aphist? isn't it? No. How far off is he? 200 years. This is... Before or after?

This is 208 years before. But I mean, surely some of them... I get ready for that then. What do that mean? Just get the time ready for them with you. Do I know? There'll be Henry's. There'll almost definitely be Henry's.

In between? I would guess Henry the third and fourth are in around. I know Richard the second's in there. I'm like, wait, until the eighth one. Do I know? Henry the Eighth's coming. We've got a couple more shit. We've got to the third place.

We've got to the third place. Henry the eighth is the third place. Listen, I wouldn't say that was a hugely elegant sort of dropping from you then. Just be like, is that when, no, it wasn't. But I've said it now.

Yes, got it. Henry four. Yeah, do I know Henry the Aves coming? No. Okay, so I can't warn Amberlin. No, you can't. You can't. I didn't want a great grandparent.

What does that happen? warning look. Like, let's say, you know, let's say your time travel to what, when Anberlin is like, I don't know, 10 or whatever, what message are you passing on to parents? What did he do to stay away from Henry? He chopped her head off.

Yeah, yeah. When you get older, don't get your head chopped off. You might want to get yourself a really thick necklace. Look, like, necklace. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. So Adam's going back to... What is you remember? Is that forever? Adam's going back to the early 16th century.

to stalk around Paris to speak to a 10-year-old Am Berlin. All right, love. You need to get yourself a necklace. I'm the first paedophile. Nice one. Do you know what I mean?

A king's going to cut your head off in a few years. I wonder who was the first paedophile. Probably in Paris, about 15.10. You know what they were like. I think stool, is it... Groom of the stool. Groom of the stool. You're basically medieval Gillian McKeith.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Class. That was a whole job. Harry sent me a list of some jobs from the 14th century. So there's a gong farmer who's a... What was the first gong farmer? I think that's the first racism. That was a poo collector.

That's got to be a homophobic slayer. No. There's a leech collector. So a man who walked through ponds and let leeches bite him to collect for medicine. Yeah, to sell them to doctors. Had jobs these so far, by the way. There's a piss profit. Spoiler alert.

Carl, it's a terrible time. In general. I'm waiting until the good ones come on. Was it a terrible time for them? Like, did they know that it was a shit time? Yeah, the black death cleared about a third of the population. It was a bad time, yeah.

Right, okay, I see. That was bang in the middle of the 14th. So there's a piss profit, a man who diagnoses illnesses by looking at piss. I'm just looking on it? Yeah, sicken. I think it may be like, a sommelier as well.

That's who you went to, isn't it, Adam? It's MS. I've seen your face, it's MS. A flatchelist, which was a jester who entertained the Royal Court by making fart noises. Right. Come on, man.

You boxed? I knew I was born in the wrong time. I think you've got to pretend to do it. Otherwise, that's kind of like cheating in it. It's like fart noises. It's not farts, because then you've got the accompanying smell. Oh, yeah, Mr. Methane.

They weren't. Well, yeah, Mr. Methane was on Britain's Got Talent. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. It's like a headliner of my, you know, like, oh, there's a fresh as week show, Mr. Methane. That is a top bucket.

What did he do? Just make fart noises with his mouth? No, with his, with his ass. Yeah, yeah. Oh, he was, I haven't watched Brickon Town for years. It sounds fucking dog shit. He was a purist.

Yeah, yeah, for sure. I'd do that one because I can do this. With my hands. There you go. Clip it. A bear leader. Traveled for. village to village leading a captive, trained bear on a chain to perform tricks.

You love animals, Carl. Only ends one way that, though, doesn't it? What? The bear's going to kill you, isn't it, eventually? Got to think about bear's safety. I wouldn't have been surprised if I'd watch in it in. You'd had a bear. You know?

You heard Hot Water have got a bear now. Don't worry about it. It's fine. You know, you get lots of, it's great for exposure in Liverpool. As long as you get killed by the bear while doing the podcast. If hot water have a bear in that dressing room, I'm not going to be that shocked. I'd like to apologise.

I've said hot water instead of have a word. It's fine. We were, you know. We're interchangeable on the minds of so many people. It's the H and the W. Crucially, not interchangeable in their minds. Uh-oh. So I'm going,

I definitely want to check poos for the king. It's, that's, that's the one. Can I not just be a bin man? No bins. You should just throw the stuff off. You should be a man. Is that a job? I'm a man!

Is there any sports back then? Jousting. Is that a sport then? Is there any ball sports back in the century? I don't think so, but jousting was the massive one, won't it? But not everyone was doing it, it was just like the... I don't think they invented leather yet.

They kind of made a fuzzy. Could you check that? Invented leather? No, I'm joking. All right. When was leather invented? When was that invented? So long ago.

There was, there was wrestling. wrestling and bowls that are too, I'd be a bowler and stool ball I don't know what that is it sounds like it's all just poo isn't it

it was an awful time to live you right I'm sorry to be so down on it yeah are you picking any of these you into your history no I think I'd have I think I'd have tried harder

in history at school if I'd realize how many sort of edge lord billions there were to be made into about history laying down the line but no I'm not as Not as much as I should be.

And as I say, hearing about some of this stuff, no thanks. 2026 isn't easy. But I'm not grooming anyone's stool. I did do that at school, to be fair. But that was because my parents sent me to a school that was very obsessed with maintaining outdated traditions from the past. So, you know. Which school was that?

It's Eaton College, of course. Stool groom H.Q. You went to, like, the Prime Minister Factory? The Prime Minister Factory, exactly. Put on your tailcoat, sniff another man's shit. See you in three weeks. And, or, you know, however often your parents visited you. But, yeah, there's, I mean, I'm having some sort of conflicted feelings about Eaton at the moment.

Because on the one hand, there's so much about what the school represents, I think, is not very good. But I am having some limited edition Swinandandown waistcoats made in time for Christmas. Because there's a photo of Prince William wearing an Aston Villa waistcoat. Because if you're a prefect at Eton, you know, the highest realm of privilege. You've got to design your own waistcoat. Oh, is that the bit? Yeah, yeah.

So the rest of us in our bloody normal black pinstripe waistcoats, but there's a photo of Prince William. It's in a May. And Eddie Redmayne's in the same picture, same prefect group. He's not wearing a football one. But there's a couple of others. Wimbledon waistcoat,

someone in a Nuky Brown, Newcastle shirt. And I think Prince William, like, clearly he's put a lot of effort into being an Aston Villa fan. Like, I think it is pretty, you know, he committed to it more than David Cameron did. But there's a photo of him with an LDV V Vans waistcoat.

It's like, that's amazing. Was he in your year? No, he was, we didn't overlap. Probably about 10 years before. But I was thinking about fun stuff I could do as sort of limited edition Swindon Town gifts. I think a waistcoat would be quite funny. So we get where they'll be retailing at £19.69

because that's when we won the League Cup. And my instructions to the tailor were they can be mass produced guff, but they must have structural integrity in a touch of class. Like, they don't have to be. premium waistcoats, but they can't rip on contact, you know. And ideally, they've got to cost less than £19. Yeah, they're costing about £19 to make. There's no profit margin whatsoever.

Did you not make the prefect that you were eaten the whole way through till 18? No, yes, it was. But you didn't make the prefect. I didn't make the prefect. And that's, you know, there are bigger sob stories out there. I mean, I've already, you know, blubbed about my mum's disability. You can't get me started on not being a prefect at Eton as well. How tough a life come more?

one man a half. How would you become a prefect? What was it like? It's, be third in line to the throne.

Yeah, that helps. I think most of the answers are on that list that Finn just gave. It's just to whoever's doing the best

sort of piss inspections, really. But, and it's a bit of that bit of who's best at football, bit of, you know,

acreage. And, you know, right place, right time, but I wasn't anywhere near it. I was just thinking one day I'll be

making these waistcoats, even if I don't get to wear them now. Were you allowed to play football at E, Eton? Allowed to.

No, I mean, was there an Eton football too? Very much so. What the fuck was my school doing? We won the, we won the F.A. Cup in 1882. Come on, Dan. I remember. Did that overlap at all with you? No.

No, no. No, it's sadly not. And it didn't overlap with any of these fantastic 13th century school grooming. Adam's heads fell off, by the way. But you know, I've won the Wepheick Open in 182. Back post. No, there's, I mean,

obviously it was quite literally a different time but uh in the two of the first f a cup's won by the old atonians um it's it's weird who's the alum from your year then because you said eddie redmayne and prince uh prince of parliament together uh yep so so your top of your year what is no i don't think i am top of my if anything i think i'm i've betrayed the school uh in so many ways um i've become an absolute wokeer artist uh you know i'm up in liverpool riffing about disability with the bigger boys. This wasn't the chosen path.

They knew you weren't prefect material. No, I think that's it. This is how I kick back, actually. But I don't know. Well, there's obviously a government minister now in my years. It's called Kanishka and Orion. I think he's minister for AI or something, which is the ultimate betrayal of such an ancient school

to be minister for AI. You know, come on. We're about protecting the most ancient traditions, not building the robots that are going to destroy all of our privilege. But anyway, Kanishka didn't get the memo. He's plugging away. And I think that's it. I mean, I won't waste your time with Lawrence Clark, who narrowly missed out on the podium at the Commonwealth Games hurdling. Prince William is, to you, what Stephen Gerard is to me.

Oh, yeah. Yeah? Like about 10 years above you. And the teachers have stories. Of course. Yeah. Like Bin Laden's a Dom Jolly. What was the point in me referencing 9-11 earlier?

You're always going to bring it up. I think that's the first ever lie or truth, in fact, on Would I Lie to You? Do you remember watching the first ever episode of Would I Lie to You? And it's Dom Jolly saying, I went to school with the summer, Bin Laden. And you're like, this show is going to run and run. It's mad. Well, we had Dom on the pod. And we obviously, in our trademark,

non-serious humour. Oh, yes. We went, hey, you're a really good mate with Bin Laden, aren't you? And he took it as an accusation.

Wow. He was charmed. Yeah, yeah. And he just went to school with him. He's not mates with Bin Laden, but he is making some limited edition trigger happy turbans for Christmas.

Stephen Sherrod. Stephen Sherrod is well thought of and remembered in, you know, at school. Cardinal Heenan Catholic Catholic Sports College where he is painted on the walls of the PE department. You think he built the school

with his feet? I think he kicked every brick into position. Like there's a genuine, like, a wall bigger than that back wall is literally just... Well, it was when we went. The school's changed a lot. Yeah.

I remember when one of the lads rubbed the per wall over one of them. Oh. We had an assembly about it, but it turns out it was one of the dance syndrome boys. I see. Uh, Would have thrived in the 14th century, though.

Yeah, yeah. Should we give some advice? There's a jingle playing. I mean, it's true. It's a jingle playing. It's not just the awkwardest moment in podcasting history. I don't think it's so, you know, I thought someone else would have the top of there. I'll laugh.

Agony Adam. I didn't mind it at all. I'm glad to have learned about it. That's your John Fiori moment. It was true. I remember the assembly, fucking fondly. She's getting worded. fondly.

Imogen says, we're going to give some advice. You seem like a worldly guy. Sorry, just before we do that, it's just on topic. I was watching a... What topic?

What are you watching? Of assemblies. Oh, right. Yeah, okay. Smooth. It was just the John Mullaney joke where he said, in school,

we always had two assemblies back to back. The first assembly was normally, like, for a legitimate reason, the second assembly was to tell us all off for how badly we were saved.

behaved during the first assignment. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're the worst behaved class in 700 years in this school. They loved a bit of that, didn't they? Fuck off. Bollicking you for not praying. I'm not playing the jingle again. Well, give some advice.

Imogen says, Lids, I've had a bit of a nightmare at work and need some advice. So I work at a university library, and the other day someone ran over to my desk to tell me someone was choking. I rushed over to them to try and help and began giving her the Heimlich maneuver. Yes. She was really struggling against me. She just forgot a bars. She was really struggling against me

until she eventually blurted out. Please stop. I'm not choking. I'm just having a panic attack. The girl has since put a complaint in with the uni that I triggered her and now I'm having to go to a disciplinary where I'm in danger of losing my job.

What do I do here, boys? I mean, you can't lose your job for... It's a valid Heimlich attempt. Yeah, of course. Do you reckon you could pull the Heimlich? off. Because I've seen people do it, but I don't know how...

It's not a hair cut. I've never, no, Heimlich. No, I've never... I just think as a man, if a girl was choking, there's so... A Heimlich is such a

cancelable of, like, weren't it for sure? If you're a woman that works in a library at a uni, maybe this doesn't even factor in, but I'm not dry humping a student in a library. I'm going for you. You know what? You don't get them on

top, you do do it from the back. Also, you've got pants on. Oh, you okay, there's the mistake I've been making. I just wanted better purchase. Skin on skin. You know, like, what you're actually trying to do with a hamleth is force the air out of their stomach up in your head. So you're like,

Yeah, mouth. You basically think of that, aren't you? Belly. Like, it's, it's a lot lower than, like, people realize. It's, like, the bottom of the stump, urs. Right. But it's not dry humping. No.

It's a bit humpy. I think you just ask, you just, you just say, hey, you want a little limelah? Yeah. The answer is never, yes, because they can't speak. Yeah. If your eyes are bulge, bulge, bulge your eyes twice. Yeah, you want it. Yeah, just ask for consent, man.

Why, I don't know, I've had, you've got kids. I don't know. why I've never done her first aid training. We've got a nine and a five-year-old. It's one of those things that we've gone, oh, we should probably do that. But I've just never bothered. Yeah, the seven-year-old who, yes,

there's not been any sort of homeless situations, but I don't know, yeah, I don't know what I'd be doing. She got injured in Liverpool because we came up to visit Alfie. She's obsessed with Alfie and Jessie's kids, so we thought we'll make a fun weekend of it. And it all comes back to Pinta. that huge dog. We went to Otispool Park.

He was really enjoying holding the lead. And then Pinter saw something on the other side of the park, went mad and chased off. And he'd got this huge rope burn. It's like, here we are. There's a lot to organise this trip to Liverpool. And she's been injured by a big dog

in the first few minutes. But like, whenever anything like that happens, I do panic because I don't have any training. I feel like Pinta, how big, do you know what I mean? Like Julia can only just, handle Remy. And that's...

I would imagine Remy's probably a little bit heavier than Pinter, but Pinter's taller and ganglia. Pinter's a bit spindly, isn't he? Right. Whereas Remedy's a little chonky,

but... I don't know a little chanky? Yeah, I haven't... He was this big about eight minutes ago. Have you had Thursday training? Years ago. I did it. Some first aid training just putting plasters off.

I thought it was the BGs, one is, and so it's with the BGs? Yeah, you do stay... You do... You do stay alive for... Yeah. No, they've changed it. It's like seven...

Seven Nation Army or something. I think, genuinely, I think they've changed... A more modern reference to acknowledge the fact that... I think they've just, yeah, modernised the song. Just so more people know it. Well, and because most of the BGs have died, so it's taken on a sort of ironic hue. All the best ones are dead.

Well, I mean, listen, I know you guys have got Patreon specials coming out of your ears, but have a word, get first aid training. We've talked about this before as part of a day normally. I tell you what, Finde's looking pretty dry, isn't it? First Aid in Rill. Come on. Do you think there's a worse surname ever than Gibb?

Gibb is, yeah, Hitler. No. Hitler now, but, you know, like, you know. It's wrong with Gibb? It just feels like, I think back then. A cock. But that's not a surname, is it? Yeah, Robin Cock.

Oh, God, yeah. The Cox. But even, Robin Cox is a funny name. And they don't have fantastic first names. The Beechies. It was sort of Barry Gibb. Barry Gibb. He was like a mega star.

He was. You know, you see Coldplay, they brought out Barry Gibb. At the end, it's like, that is actually great because it's, you know, staying alive by the beaches. Chris Martin said, oh, this is, you know, please welcome a man to play the best song of all time. And it's like, maybe staying alive is the best song of all time. But please welcome Barry Gibb is, yeah. I think I've always been, I've only just remembered this as well. I've always been like a bit of a natural conspiracy theorist, really.

And it served you well. I think that started out. I think the first... This must be the first time I ever was like, I remember asking my dad if he was sure Robin Gibb wasn't John Lennon. Because he looked a bit John Lennon and I was like, I think... So John Lennon was trying to hide,

change his identity and just get away from it all. Yeah. So he joined... Pre-existing massive... That's a nationally well-known drug band. Bigger beard. Yeah, yeah. The ultimate heist.

Anyone could disappear, but it's disappearing still in a massive amount of spotlight. Yeah, but like... Still love gigging. Yeah, but I think, you know, some people who get to like mega famous who just want to disappear, some of them want to disappear,

but some of them just don't want to be that guy anymore. Let's do some other words. Send them in to have a word pod at gmail.com. Declan says, please have a word with my fiancé Tash every morning before she gets in the shower. She runs it, so when she steps under, it's nice and warm. Problem is, it takes 90 seconds for it to fully warm up, and she sometimes has it running for 10 minutes as she brushes her teeth and generally fafs about. I wouldn't mind it, but it's me that pays the fucking bills.

Have a word. This is... I imagine you're a bit of an environment list, Ivo. I mean, I think we're fucked, to be honest. Have as long as shower as you want. And also, with all the orange, just off oil is right there. Of course, I'm blending right in. No, I think, you know, fair play.

Let's paint up as many paintings as we can. But I don't think the long showers are going to be the issue. I think I once sent you a very tasteful video through a glass door of Alfie Brown, listening to the Anfield rap in the shower at Edinburgh. I live it with Alfie every Edinburgh, and he has long showers listening to the Anfield rap. And it's one of my favorite things about Edinburgh.

And he's either listening to the Anfield Rap or singing, and he's got a gorgeous singing voice. But I sent you a clip of it because I was just going through, I was looking at our texts, you know, arranging today. And then the last text was me sending you that. And you're saying, what's his name from the Anfield Rap? Neil. Neil's absolutely right.

We should have kept Fabino. That was on that last night. And that's through a shower door without Prybrand. I used to do this, but yeah, I've stopped doing it because it does feel a bit wrong. What? To just run the shower for 10 minutes, just feel a bit. Laura's brutal for this, but I also water the lawn for most of the summer, so I haven't got a leg to stand on.

I'm wasting water all over the shop to protect a lawn that no one cares about and would die within 12 minutes of me, not concentrating. I put my shower on, and then I walk to get my robe, and the robe's in the bedroom. So I walk from my bathroom to the bedroom, get the robe. By the time I get back to the bathroom, shower's ready to shower. Yeah. I don't think I've got the focus for that anymore.

You know, I'm getting lost on the way to the robe. I look at my phone 10 minutes later. That shower has been running. But crucially, do you scroll on Instagram or TikTok while showering? Which is, we found out Harry does. Wow. And he's doing it right now. Oh, and he was doing it right.

Oh, and he was doing it at the moment when we all looked over. Oh, Robinson. No. I was laptop stars so he has to give himself some other stimulation. I think when it comes to your partner, there are battlegrounds

that you can choose to fight on. And then there's others. If you go, A, can you stop running it for that long? Do you know what I mean? Like, we're just trying to keep the water bill down and whatnot. If she goes,

that's my time! Like, there's no point having that fight. But if she's like, oh, I don't know, I kind of like it, then that's worth having the fight. Kind of like what? Kind of like what? The shower being on while, you know what I know?

Like, like, I, I just don't, I'm really not bother with stuff like this. I'm never the type of person who's like, you've left the light up. Like, it just, I'm sort of, yeah, but if, if Alex was putting the shower on for 10 minutes and not getting in here, I think I would then be like, babe, hey. It's got, like, it takes 20 seconds for it to warm up. Seneca uses the bath, like a waterfall sometimes where she'll, she'll unplug it and then turn the hot water on. so it stays hot. I'm like, that's just ridiculous. Yeah, you're in the bath.

You know, that's, oh, it's a tricky one. It's, you know, can you just cut off the water supply? Maybe that's the trade office. You can do it as long as you want, but we have like a fortnight a year. Just no running water in the house. And you have to, and that's, we make it up there. I think one of the, my big fears of getting up.

there is a, like a dad, is that I'm going to become that dad who's like, turn the lights off, you but waste it. I just don't want to be that guy. So you don't want to lean too hard into being this kind of partner. But at the same time, that is fucking annoying. My dad will not stop talking about the price hike to Piper's crisps. Like he's, like there is favorite crisps, Piper's long hauled beef in the big brown bags, yeah.

But he wants them to be 250 and they just aren't 250 anymore. And they're never going back down to 250. It's never going to go back. Come on, you know. things in the world may improve, but we're not seeing a £2.50 bag of Piper's. Once Big Crisp, no, you'll pay it. Yeah, yeah. And so my dad is, as he's talking about this all the time, they're three pounds now, and he loves having them in the house, and he's generous with them. If you come around to us

for Sunday lunch and there's not Piper's Longhorn Beef on the table before, and something has gone badly wrong behind the scenes. But it's occupied so much of his mind. And he got a tip-off from my uncle that they were £2.80, I think, at a wait-row just outside Oxford. And he drove there. It's like an hour away and he bought 50 bags and he's put most of them around the house in places that we don't know about because he says it doesn't want it to be open season on the pipers. Just because everyone knows we got 50 bags. He said it'll be 30 before we know it. So like my dad is well on his way to be in that dad and he gets very annoyed if a light is sort of switched on unnecessarily. But you know. Last one. Alice says, can you please have a word with my

fella. If we're driving and we pass a mobile speed camera van, he won't flash oncoming traffic to let them know and he even winges at me if I do it. He says people who are speeding should get the points they deserve. I think it's common courtesy to warn people. Have a word with him for being a real life Colin. When I get flashed by someone and they're warning me, there's a police car with the camera, my normal instinct is the fuck are you flashing me for. Yeah, yeah. I didn't know that that I mean, that's great that I didn't know that that was an established thing. The flashing worn. Oh, oh, absolutely.

I've never known why someone's fashion. Like, not by ours. You don't get that by, I mean. Oh, you do? I've not seen it. I mean, I slow down and wavered that one every single time I got past. Occasionally, so there's like a, I suppose you'd call it a ring road around the park that, like, Sefton Park.

And, yeah, occasionally, like, once every couple of months, there's just a police van that just sits there. Same spot. Oh, yeah. It's a 20 mile and a house. hour road, you know, so that's not a real limit. Well, yes. I mean, I don't want to make light of any of this stuff, but I have entered the nine point danger zone recently. So I am walking on eggshells till August 2028.

And then, do you know, the really fun thing that I only found out last year when I thought I'd got rid of the six points. I think it's not going to be fun. That I've sat on my license for three years. Eservation. There's a year where they're not on your license. you have zero points, but if you get three more points, all of those six points would be back on my license for a year.

No. Yeah, they just, they put them to the side, but they can be brought back. Because it's a suspended. That's horrible. I'm going to have to change the emoji in my calendar. I put a party emoji for the date where they'll expire,

but I'm going to have to change it to something more provisional. Nine points is. You're so close to the press. 12 or after 12? 12. And again, I don't want to make lighties, but I'm not,

you know, of course, you know, I live a relatively reckless life. I've dyed my hair orange. But these are not mega speed in offences. These, you know, and of course it's all bad, but it's like it was a 25 and a 20. It was a 60 and a 50. And I've just got the orange car. Like, I think it will confirm a lot of people's worries about me if I've bought an orange car and I'm not able to drive it because I've sped myself off the road. Orange paint job or you actually went

And went for the orange Wow that's got an auto trader When you put in the specifics of what you're looking for That's three cars nationwide Yeah That's gotta be a low Yeah it made the decision so easy I just

I went for the nearest orange hybrid I know some people sort of buy My dad was like You need to get a copy of what car magazine And really research the specs And I said I appreciate that that is how a lot of people live their lives But I have just typed in orange cars near me

and I'm going to go and buy one this off. I've said this before. I think having nine points and not ending up getting 12 makes you a better drive than never having any points. Oh, I'll report back. I hope so.

I mean, if you make it, that's more impressive. Oh, I've never had a point. I'm on zero, and also the next one I get would be a test anyway. So like a speed awareness thing. So I'm back to that.

I'm back to zero, zero. But I feel, I don't know you that well, Ivo, but just having watched you exist in this space for the last two hours, just very easily distracted by visuals. Like you, in the break, just had to come and sort of take in what was... There's so much to be distracted by, you know. I feel like driving-wise, that must be high risk. If they start putting portraits of Dan Nighting Galenina-Shanaccar on the side of the M-4,

I'll have lost my licence by Christmas. I mean, the Dan and Friends promo, I've not spent much money on it. That would be a real swing for the fences, wouldn't it? I think that's a podcast, ladies and jents. Okay, Ivo, could you tell all of our listeners where they can find you and where they can find tickets to go and see you live? Ivogrowing.com is the website with a gigs page. I'm touring my orange show around the UK,

and then it finishes next year in Belfast, which I think might be the end, just in general. But it's going to be a... May I say, it's a weekend that you could do a have a word patron special about. I'm going to Amsterdam to do the show in Amsterdam on Kingsday weekend, the most orange place in the world. And then I'm flying straight to Belfast to see what reception I get there. And on route, I'll be at the playhouse.

A man with orange hair and your accent doing a show in Northern Ireland. Yeah, yeah. I'm bringing in Vittorio as a sort of consultant. But, and then, yeah, the playhouse on October, November the 12th. 11th. Yeah, of course. Of course, of course. But ideally it rolls into a two-nighter.

It seems unlikely at the current juncture, but a very late surge. And I'm doing a podcast of my own moment where I talk about songs I like every week. And it's called As Long as a Song. And listen, I know that. have a word is a sprawling what two and a quarter hour beast and it's all the better for it but um my podcast is it's a podcast about a song that's as long as the song so it's uh it's not to make any money but it's good for the sort of modern attention span i would say excellent go and check i've all right um i am still on tour this weekend i've got rill and cardiff

next week i'm back in london extra date at the o2 forum kentish town uh what date would that be the 24 The week after I'm in Middlesbrough, Newcastle and Glasgow, the week after that is Sheffield, the week after that is two dates in Liverpool, the week after that is York. The week after that is Manchester and Birmingham, and then we finish at the Royal Concert Hall in Nottingham on the 3rd of December.

That's all of them. Adam Rode.co.com. For ticket. So impressive, I looked around for an auto queue. I was like, he's got him just so locked in, in order. Everything sold out for me till the end of the year, apart from Birmingham on the 22nd of November and Cardiff on the 29th of November,

Dan Nightingale.com for Dan and Friend tickets. We've got Film Club on Wednesday. On Wednesday, Halloween special. Yeah, in the description. And then my band's show is like two-thirds sold out now. 21st of November. Tickets are also in the description. That's a pod.

Hi-vo. Thank you so much. Thank you for having me, boys. It's been lovely. Bye, Felicia.