Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #48 Shutdown Pod (VIA ZOOM) -w/Adam & Dan

Episode Date: May 2, 2020

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What's happening guys, it's Adam here. Just a quick word from our sponsors before we kick off today's episode. That is Beer52.com Beer52 is the UK's most popular craft beer discovery club. They're number one, baby. And they'll send you some amazing beers every month

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Go and do that now. And then enjoy the episode. Nice one. See you in a bit. Fucking did it in one take, bro. Yeah, man. Now, I'm getting the word not upset me nasty bitch catch me outside how about day I'm big-boned I'm

heavy structure I'm hung low if I pull my shit out this whole room get dog disgusting it's the end of the world as we know it and I feel like podcasting with video on YouTube on social media at Have A Word Pod. You are listening to the funniest podcast in the game. Have a word. Shut down dailies. Let's get through this mess together. what's happening i'm all right i've had a couple of pints, mate, and I'm feeling fucking wonderful.

I'm on pint two and I am paying for yesterday's... Pints. ...geolities. You've been hanging. You've been hungry. I was a little bit ropey. A little bit ropey this morning. And then had that thing where you get a little bit horny as well.

You're like, oh, God. Oh, God. See, when I'm hungover, I don't want to have sex with someone. I want to wank. Like, I need to wank when I'm hungover. Right. Okay, good. It's just the way you emphasise need.

I need. Yeah, it's not a want. It's a necessary part of my day on a hangover. I have like six or seven most hangovers. The old brewer's droop. Then what was it? Is it basically someone told me that it was the next day. Brewer's droop is basically all your testosterone being held back by the alcohol.

And once the alcohol wears out of your body, you've almost like got like a backlog of testosterone so you're not, it's not that you're a pervert it's just that it's like a backlog and you're like oh god I'm a man, I need to do the man thing but I really

it was optimistic at best I got in bed with Laura like hello and she was like not a fucking chance. I was like, okay. Did you not get laid last night? Is it your anniversary?

No, I didn't. I got drunk. I got hammered and started walking around the village. When did we finish this podcast? About half six. Kept drinking. And,

kept drinking all the way through dinner. I was fucking steaming while I was doing the edit. And then I was like, do you know what? I just want to go out. And Lauren and Sam were like, we're going to watch Gangs of London.

I was like, I don't want to do that. I want to pour half of my Smirnoff Ice into my can of Cronenberg so I had a mobile turbo shandy and went off around the village. And then, this always happens to me,

right at the other side of the village, I was like, oh, I need a plop. Oh, dear. I need a turbo shit. So I was on the phone to my sister-in-law and we were basically just having a good slaggy match of fucking exes and whatever it was really fun i can't remember all of it but we're having a good laugh i love my sister-in-law becca and i she had to like sort of talk me through lord's sister yeah she's fucking brilliant she lives in nottingham and um it was

like you know if you're in samaritans and you're suicidal that was essentially the role she took with my need for an emergency poo and i know you've got no sympathy for anyone who has like a bowel that needs to go but she was like you can do this i was like oh i think i'm gonna have an accident and at one point I was weighing up car parks I was like this might have to be in the not nursery

that's a bad look innit but I got there I had to put the phone down to concentrate on not shitting for the last sort of 200 yards I was like Becky you

I'm nearly there but yeah no when look I'm telling you right now when someone has that moment I have that like maybe once a month you have it like every fucking six years or whatever Look, I'm telling you right now, when someone has that moment, I have that like maybe once a month.

You have it like every fucking six years or whatever because you're the lucky man, right? Now, when it's coming, when you've got that feeling of you're in public and you not need a poo, you're going to poo. Poo is on its way. You can't have a phone call a conversation you can't have I've asked taxi drivers to turn the radio

off because I'm like I can't have that song on right now and be thinking about lyrics to that song while I need a shivers desperately let the beat drop no turn it up fuck it up I need a shivers desperately. Let the beat drop. No, no.

Turn it up. Fuck you know. A lot of times I've been, that's when it gets me, you know, sometimes, you know, like I'm on a nice out in town and I've been drinking all day and I'm fucking hammered and alcohol is the enemy of IBS.

On top of that, you've got the end ofof-the-night food, which is never like, should we go for a salad? Should we go and have a Caesar salad? It's always like, I want grease and chili sauce and garlic and chips and fat and now. And the combination of that, a doner kebab with chips and chili sauce and a 12-hour binge session and ibs is just such a horrible cocktail the amount of times i've been sat in a taxi

and for 20 minutes driving from the city center to where i live of having to be like just don't shit in a car. Just don't shit in his car. I love, I love, like, I think takeaways are dangerous fucking places at the end of the night. You know,

like they get so eggy. But if you're in a nice one and it's not full of cunts, I fucking love that bit of the night where three hours before you were like, best night ever, want to dance,

want to just have a laugh. And then there's that tipping point where you're like, I do not want to fucking dance. I do not want to drink. I hate drinking and I hate dancing. I want to sit in a neon-lit fucking takeaway and just eat shit that's good. It's good shit, but it is shit.

My sister, she doesn't go out, but she's got two kids. But when she goes out, goes fucking full on, really. She makes the most of it. She goes out in Liverpool and she can nearly match the general decor of a Scouse woman. She fucking puts it all in. Your sister going on a night out is like Everton winning a major trophy. It's rare and wonderful. This doesn't happen very often.

I'm enjoying myself. It's rare and wonderful. This doesn't happen very often. I'm enjoying myself. It goes big. My favourite, if we rarely go out boozing, is watching her hunched over her takeaway. It's one of my favourite things.

Like, at the start of the night, like, look at me. I've been getting ready for 14 hours. I'm beautiful. GHD, fake tan. And by the end of it, just almost like prehistoric man, just leaning over a Don and eat pizza. Like, you're like,historic man, just leaning over a Donner meat pizza, like, you're like, you all right,

Katie? It's fucking brilliant. I love that bit of a night. Could you imagine if someone were to say like, do you know what guys, I know you're getting chips and kebabs, could I just have a salad bowl? You'd be like,

who? What, get them? You'd burn them. Oh my God. You'd grab them by the back of the neck, and put their head in a deep fryer and be like, you don't belong in this fucking building,

you Tory salad eating cunt. I don't think you belong in this country. Who the fuck are you? Move to Iceland, you fanny. Sorry, go on. You know who's got the best end of the night takeaway game on the planet?

Go on. Paul? Paul Smith. Liverpool famous comedian, Paul Smith, good friend of mine, good friend of yours. At the end of the night, he... Oh, this is so good. He will go to a pizza place, like one of those pizza kebab house places, right?

He'll order himself a large whatever pizza he wants, a chicken based side, whether that's wings, nuggets or strips, whatever he wants. And he orders two large portions of chips. Now, the reason he orders two is because

he won't eat pizza unless he's got chips on the side, which he waits for till he gets home. The second portion of chips is for when he's got chips on the side, which he waits for till he gets home. The second portion of chips is for when he's walking through town trying to find a taxi and there's drunk cunts who are like, here's a chip,

because he's got chips that he doesn't need to give away to strangers. Oh my God. That is so... That... That is borderline genius, that, isn't it? I mean... Just the fact that he's like,

yeah, this is what I have to do. It's just part of the game. I really... I took a natural resentment then to the idea of someone asking for a chip. Oh, it's audible? It's one of the few times that, right, look,

I'm in no way famous at all. In Liverpool, there's a few people who go, that's that comedian, that Adam guy, right? Because of that, you act a certain way in public. You don't want to come across as a dick. If you make one little mistake, people

can think you're in our bed forever. I'm so hyper aware of that. I'm always on my best behaviour in a lot of situations. If someone asks me for some of my fucking food at the end of a night out, that slips. If someone's like, eh, lad, eh, oh, go on,

give us a chip. I'm like, fucking get your own chips, you fat fucking slag. You're not having any of mine. I've got these exactly how I want. I've got this. I didn't even let the guy put salt and vinegar on. He's a fucking amateur. I took it off him. I put my own salt and vinegar on. I got my own sauce. I'm not

letting anyone mess my condom and game up. Yeah. Fuck yourself. And also hands are dirty, aren't they? Like, they are dirty, aren't they? If there's anything this roaner is going to teach us long term, it's wash your fucking hands. I mean, why are we shaking hands with strangers?

Like, also it's like, well, men shake hands. Men are the dirtiest of the humans, really. Those hands have been scratching balls, they've been rummaging round you. Oh, my fucking boxer shorts are all clung to my... Alright, mate, shake hands, can I have one of them chips? Get your fucking dirty bum scratchers

out of my chips, animal. I'm against it. Absolutely against it. Do you like a ball scratch, Stone? You what? Do you have a ball scratch? Yeah, one of my absolute favourites is the... I'm fucking slipping down in my chair. My absolute favourites is the lunge'm fucking slipping down in my chair. My absolute favourite is the lunge to get the balls off the skin of the inner thigh.

Absolutely. I love clocking guys doing that. Now you know. Is that guy working? He's onto it. Yeah. If I'm in public and I do a little stretch, he's like,

are your balls stuck to your leg? Yeah. But it's one of my favourite things to clock. You don't need to go, mate, did you just do the ball clock you don't need to like go mate did you just do the you don't need to do that i just love seeing me it happens shopping if you see the eye contact in it just the eye contact of yeah did you just you just did you're not an athlete you're not warming up your glutes stretching out your hammies because you're going on a fucking 10k it's because you sit you stood you stood in top shop and your fucking balls your sweaty balls are stuck to your inside that's you

just don't lunge you know oh i fucking love that moment love that moment i'll respect you either way as a friend as a man right do you ever have a scratch and sniff do you ever scratch your balls i'll tell you right now so you don't feel bad about admitting it i do i love a little a scratch of the balls or the gooch and then what's today's flavor i i have a little sniff sometimes i think in the name of you know medical science you need to check don't you you need like that's how men have learned that's how humans have learned for fucking since the since the dawn of time it's like yeah all right yeah i can't i can't i just can't help it i would say of all the scratches i've ever done in those nether regions,

I'd say there's only about 10% that haven't been followed by a sniff, and they would be under some... Sorry, I've got to pause you because I've got a text from Jade. Oh, God. I know our listeners. Oh, God. She said, you love it. Today's flavour.

Oh, seriously. I'm meant to find you sexy, you vile animal. It's just jokes, babe. It's just jokes for the pod. It's not real. It's actually, I've been writing. This is some of my writing. It's real. It's really, like, oof.

I, yeah, I love, I just, I love a sniff test. And it's just, it basically, it's weird because... Just text me back. And it's just to, it basically is weird because. Just text me back, it's defo not, you trampy bastard. I mean, let's be honest. But that scratch is important because, and it has to smell like bad, doesn't it? That's normal.

If it smelled, if you pulled your finger out and it was lemons, you'd be like, what the fuck? Why have I got a citrusy gooch? Oh, thank God I didn't clean the oven. I've desolated me bollocks. Fuck it, that's where that magic tree went. What if I made a mistake? I've been using Mr. Muscle on me fucking anus. Oh. Yeah, don't bleach your arsehole with Domestos.

Would you get your arsehole bleached? Yeah. Yeah. I would. If I had an acting role coming up where it was necessary or something. Yeah. I think if we ever do bets on this it shouldn't be for money anymore it should be for challenges

and if one of us, obviously post Rona which hopefully soon I have I have got a money based thing coming up that I've been working on that's the day

dying to win his tenner back I'd love to challenge you to get your arse I can't possibly win any money on the thing I've prepared today but you could go home well you're already home but you could you're not allowed to leave really

you could go away from this podcast much wealthier than you already are should we reveal it now away from this podcast much wealthier than you already are. Oh, yeah. I mean, should we reveal it now? I'm ready. Let's play

Who Wants to Be a Dictionary. I should be a billionaire, shouldn't I? Do it again. They won't notice. Who Wants to Be a will you near? So, um... Oh, my fucking God.

He's got a whiteboard out. Look how pleased you are with yourself. You've really thought this through? Oh, mate. Oh. This is a fucking game changer. Who wants to be a billionaire? You've got the chance to win up to

£25. Right. On today's episode of Who Wants to Be a Billionaire? Now, the way the game is going to work, Daniel, as yesterday, which we had a lot of fun with, I have got the league table up of the places on the planet, all the countries and that,

and their average dick sizes. The dick size atlas, yep. There's four zones. Anyone who didn't listen to yesterday... Oh, by the way, you're missing out, guys. Episode 47. Put it in the fucking cellar. That's vintage. So

there are four zones on this league table. There's the red zone, the orange zone, the yellow zone, and the green zone. That's the orders they're in. Red being the smallest sticks in the world, and green being the biggest sticks in the world. Now, if, Daniel, you want to play Who Wants to Be a Millionaire today, you will have, you want to play Who Wants to Be a Millionaire today,

you will have the chance, like on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, you've got to answer a load of questions. I'm going to basically give you the name of a country and I want you to tell me what zone they are in. Now, at the start, not trying to catch you out, no trick questions at the start. You're going to win a few pence

maybe a couple of quid as it gets later on and on and on it gets harder harder and harder now as you can see from this and I'm holding this up to the camera because I'm almost certain this is going to be the clip we put up if you get to 50p you can't ever get less than

50p if you get to a fiver you can't ever get less than 50p oh thank fuck if you get to a fiver you can't ever get less than a fiver yeah brilliant so the first question's 10p then 25p then 50p yeah

and you're locked off then 75p then a quid then two quid then three quid then a fiver then you're locked off then it gets big

we've got £7.50 oh £10 Jesus £15 big jump and then the jackpot of £25. Dan Nightingale, would you like to play Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?

I'll leave it. I'm all right, thanks. So, what do you think about... Yes, mate! I'm excited. Also, as in Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, you've got three lifelines to use throughout the episode. Brilliant. Now, we can't use them exactly as the other ones.

First of all, we can't have asked the audience because the audience can't listen to this until a few hours after it happens. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. And Phone a Friend, I feel like, could be a nightmare. So I've replaced those two, but you've still got 50-50. So at any point, you could split it from red, orange, yellow, and green to just two. You've still got 50-50. So at any point, you could split it from red, orange, yellow

and green to just two. You've got one chance at that. You've got give me a clue where I will give you basically an open goal of a clue for an answer. And your third lifeline is ask Laura or Jade. You get to pick one of them.

They come in and you can ask them for their opinion on what you think should be the answer. How many lives have I got? How many lives have I got? Have I got no lives? You've got no lives. Who wants to be a billionaire? This could be a really disappointing game

if I bin this into the fucking wall too early. I mean, if you dreadful at it, then it's your fault because I have tried to sort of put this together in a way that makes it possible. Right. I want to entice you in to get late on, but then lose all your money. Well, most of your money.

Okay? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm going to play. I think I should have had lives. Can I have an extra lifeline before you start? Can I have an intervention can i have an extra lifeline before you start can i have an intervention where if i'm about to welly the game into the wall and you want it to keep going you can have a as because we're friends and colleagues here christ intervention okay i mean just to be like

fucking hell done you're about to put that in the wall and you're like are you sure and i'm like i am sure and you're like right i'm intervening And I'm like, I am sure. And they're like, right, I'm intervening. You fucking bell sniff. Right. Okay. So you get one intervention as well. Okay. So the first round should be quite easy. These are gimmies.

Bear that in mind. Yeah. Go with your instinct immediately. Okay. And early on, it's the same. So for 10 pence, Daniel Nightingale. Thailand. Is that in the red zone which is the bottom orange second to bottom yellow second to top

or green at the top Thailand I think Adam I think they're pretty small I think they're small so you're going red? I'm going to go red I'm going to go

Good boy, you've won 10 pence 25 pence China, where would you go with that? China China It's red again I want to go red well done

they colored the flag and for 50 pence and once you win this no one can take it away from you you will have 50 pence no matter what Jimmy come on yeah I'm going to go red. No, come on! I'm going

green! He's right! You can't possibly win less than 50 pence now. I feel really patronised. How do you feel about that 50p? I feel really patronised, both in terms of the game and also

the money. But I tell you what, I wouldn't be anywhere else right now. Anywhere else? You've won 50 pence. It's not allowed to be anywhere else. Here's the cheque. Oh, we don't want to give you that! I hated that bit.

It was so when fucking Taron got the money, he was like, I give you a ticket away. Fucking prick. Is he a pedo I don't know but I reckon they should probably have a check

yeah yeah yeah have a look at his for him but I was a listy like what we did with Cliff Richard we were like just look anyway

that's really offensive I can't believe that 75 pence Singapore now defensive. I can't believe that. 75 pence. Singapore. Now, you're saying it's easy. I don't... I just... I think they're in the smaller half. I'm going to say that.

So you're going orange or red? I'm going to go red. Orange or red? I'm going to go red. It's red. It is red. Singapore is red. I'm going to go red. Orange or red. I'm going to go red. I'm going to go red. It's red. Yeah, it is red.

Singapore is red. You've won 75 pins. Okay, cool, cool, cool, cool. You've been a very generous host. From here on in is where you've got to try and suss it out. All right.

Okay? All right. So now, you've got 75p. You can walk away with that. Okayp you could walk away with that you could walk away with that you could because if you get this next question wrong you drop down to 50p

you lose 25p but if you get it right you'll jump up to the massive pound or one pound mark I'm ready let's talk, Dick. What zone

of red, orange, yellow or green? Red being the smallest, green being the biggest. Milk in the dick. Would you put Pakistan in? Remember, you do have all four lifelines remaining where you get an intervention

you can ask laura or jade you can ask me to give you a clue or you can take it down to 50 50 but you might want to reserve those lifelines for longer in the game but also you don't want to go home just yet so where was india yesterday because i'm i've got india second. India was in the red zone. Then I... I think Pakistan must be a similar dick size. Similar? The same? I'm going to go... I've got to use one of my lifelines.

Okay, which lifeline would you like to use? 50-50. I think it's orange. It's either orange or yellow. It's orange. I'm going to go orange. Final answer?

It's my final answer. You sure? Yeah. Congratulations! Yes! Yes! You've now got a quid Pakistan here's where it gets interesting

because the drop from a quid to 50p is big innit it's a heartbreaker how many Freddos is that two for two pound can you tell me what zone

the United States of America is in? Oh, God, we fucking talked about this yesterday. We did, and I knew you'd forget it. So you've got red, which is 3.8 to 4.6 inches. You've got orange, which is 4.7 to 5.5. You've got yellow, which is 5.6 to 6.2. And you've got green, which is 5.6 to 6.2. And you've got green,

which is 6.3 to 7.1 inches. They're not green. They're not green. I remember that they're not green. I'm sure they weren't green. I guess that they were green that they had big willies I won't take a life arm away from you

I will tell you that you're right it's not green I think it's yellow you don't want to use the lifeline? I'll use the lifeline because you said that. So your lifelines are, give me a clue, ask Laura or Jade or intervention. Or you could just change

You could just have a rethink The United States of America It's not yellow Is it orange? It's orange I'm going to go orange Final answer It's my final answer

Yes! They are what a dick motherfuckers orange very disappointing because the pornography i've been researching would have them a lot larger and you'd think with a sort of five you know with an african-american population anyway 5.1 inches on average which is nothing wrong with that half an inch smaller than the average in the UK yeah

well that you know travelling over the Atlantic in the you've got two pounds Dan Nightingale two pounds what would you spend that on

if you walked away right now chips because we mentioned yeah good shout I want some chips actually got some now we're having Indian tonight because Sam's going home tomorrow celebrate re-Indian because we mentioned it. Yeah, good shout. I want some chips, actually. Got some cover. We're having Indian tonight because Sam's going home tomorrow.

Celebrate it, re-Indian. Fucking little game master. If you get this next question wrong, you'll drop down to 50 pence. That's a £1.50 loss. And this is one of the few times in this game where the loss is bigger than the potential gain.

Right. You'll only jump up to three quid. Mate, come on. Come on, I'm a player. I'm a competitor. What category is Ecuador in? Oh, Jesus, Ecuador. Ecuador.

Ecuador. Ecuador. I think... South American Ecuador. I think... I think the're... I think they're yellow or grey. I think they're yellow. I'm going to go yellow.

Oh, no. No, I'm going to phone... I'm going to ask a friend. What? Laura or Jade? I'm going to ask Jade. You're going to ask Jade? Yeah.

Okay. Jade! Come in, Jade. Come here for a sec. I want to talk to you about foreign dick. Is she wearing pants or trousers today? Hiya. We're playing Who Wants to Be a Willionaire?

And one of Dan's lifelines is to ask Laura or Jade, and he's chosen to ask you so he wants your help Dan she knows the concept of the game so it's either red, orange

yellow or green you've got 30 seconds to explain to ask her the question and she can give you an answer which you don't have to go with okay I'm going to pass you on to Jade

no no no no no no no no no no no no no no hey Jade he can't hear me now what what zone is adam's dicking oh shit he can hear you i've just seen him laugh um it's actually in yellow is it yeah ecuador i don't know if i am i think i might know ecuador we did it earlier you do thank fuck i asked you. Is it green? Yeah. Jade, you absolute legend.

Put old orange dick back on. Fucking brilliant. Thank God I didn't ask my useless wife. So I understand that Jade has informed you that she believes that it is green. I'll just let you know, from three and a half years of being in relationships with her, her memory

can be quite hazy. I'm not saying that it is right now. I'm saying there's a possibility she's got a hazy memory. No, I believe her. Ecuador green. Ecuador green. Final answer? Yeah. That is correct!

Yes! I'll tell you what about Jade. She knows her dicks. Fucked. I've got a yellow dick, yellow dick, yellow dick. I'm just glad that my girlfriend came on the pod and told everyone I've got a big, massive yellow dick.

So, you've now got three quid. How do you feel about that? I feel, honestly, I'm so chuffed. I love that. I'm more chuffed that I asked Jade. So, for the next question, you'll win a fiver. And if you win a fiver, that's guaranteed.

Brilliant. And you owe me a tenner from yesterday. Great. I do. Yeah. So, this will add five to that. You could win 15 quid if you get to the next question, right? You've got two lifelines left, Mr Nightingale. You've got give me a clue and you've got intervention.

I'm not going to help you anymore. If I do help you anymore, it will class as an intervention. Okay? Right. For five pounds. Okay. What zone is Switzerland in? okay right for five pounds okay what zone yeah is Switzerland in fucking those Swiss cheese

motherfuckers probably a bit right up there it's got to be average it's got to be pretty average I'm going to say I want to say... When you say average,

you're thinking it's either in the orange or the yellow zone. Yeah. What lifelines have we got left? Intervention. And give me a clue. I'm going to go give me a clue. I'm going to give you a clue. Yeah.

This country... Yeah. Has got the same coloured dick. Yeah. this country has got the same coloured dick as Homer Simpson brilliant I thought you were going to be really subtle about that and you might as well have just gone mate they're in the yellow right

I'm going to go yellow I think you're assuming that the simpsons have the same color dick as they do face which is not the case for most people i know oh that's true has there ever been a dick on the simpsons not on the broadcast ones there's some porn you can watch late night simpsons oh i hate those animated porn ones they're really freaky you told us you liked cartoon porn a couple of weeks ago well

Lois Griffin but I don't really like the whole thing the hentai is it hentai I mean I've got a few DVDs who hasn't but less DVDs than

lesbian bukkake so your answer's yellow final answer yellow please Chris correct So your answer's yellow. Final answer? Yellow, please, Chris. Correct! You're now guaranteed five whole pounds.

Right, I want a tenner. And then I'm going home. Just like the Glee intro, innit? Four questions left. Oh, fuck me. I can do this. A total of £25. Right, cool.

And they do get harder from here on in. That's what she said. Now, for £7.50, you might as well have a go at this question. Of course I'm going to fucking go. Go on. For £7.50, what category is Hungarian?

Hungry for dick. Hungry for dick? Are they hung like a horse? Are they hung like a bat? We don't know. Hungry hippos. I know, but you don't know yet. See, I've got no cross-reference because

we've had no Eastern European dick. Have we? Exactly. I'm trying to get harder for me. We've had no dick from the Caucasus. I want to say orange. I've just got a feeling it's orange. Second to bottom. I've got a second feeling it's orange. Second to bottom. I've got a second to bottom,

slightly below average dick feeling about hungry. Can I use my intervention? Okay, intervention. Yep. Stops me making the wrong choice. Am I? It that it's not... Yeah. ...orange or red.

Oh. I just don't think Hungary have got big dicks. I'm not having it, so I'm going to go yellow. I'm going to go yellow. The continuation of your intervention means that you're still wrong. They've got some of the biggest dicks in the world. Hungary's got green dicks. Green dicks.

I mean, am I out of the game here? You're not out of the game because your intervention has saved you. Yeah, because you don't want me to be out of the game. Right, okay. Fucking Hungary. Well done. That is the last of your help. Right, right.

I know, I know I know and you've now got £7.50 you won that one by getting it wrong three times out of four yeah yeah yeah

it was a really good intervention you'd be good at interventions like it'd work if someone was boozing too much like if they're addicted

to turbo shandy after not drinking for months for £10 I'll just top this up yeah man what category so much dick is the czech republican oh i mean now it's eastern europe again and i'm

tempted to go green but i just i just can't believe that they've got massive dicks in the czech republic but you now have got that frame of reference. It is there if you wanted to use it. I've got to. I've got to because otherwise I'm just stabbing in the dark. Unfortunate turn of phrase. Can I just say, if you're thinking about Turbo Shandian, if you can find the

actual hooch, it's better than the Smirnoff Ice. Yeah, because it's got no vodka in. Smirnoff Ice has got Smirnoff vodka in, which is just a weird thing to mix with beer. I mean, it works. They're both great, but who's just better? Do you know when I had my emergency plop last night,

I got in, not by much, did the job and felt wonderful and then topped up my can of Cronenberg and went for another walk. And I've got two messages from my mate Chloe, who I used to do a podcast with. She was like, you all right, mate? And I'd completely forgotten that I'd spoken to her.

I was like, yeah, I'm fine. Shit. So, yeah, that's what we're going for tonight. If you see me walking around rural fucking Chester, I'm hammered. Sorry, yes. Where are we? I can't remember. Czech Republic.

I'm going to go green, lads. I'm going to go green because Hungary are green. I don't know what else I could do at this point. I've been to Prague. We went to strippers. It was cringey, and I made a stripper laugh. I made a stripper giggle. I remember it. She tried to make eye contact with me because I was the only non-big, fat, old man. This is when I was young. This was before I was a big, fat, old man.

And she tried to dance with me. She tried she tried to dance with me because she's like i want to be on that i'd rather be on that than anything else no it's because everyone else every other guy in the room was like it was horrible it was like yeah like the bar from star wars like and uh yeah everyone else looked like they knew someone who could dispose of a body in the fucking hills around Prague, and I just looked like a knobhead 23-year-old from Britain, and I was, so she tried to dance to me, and she made eye contact, and I was like, and I went, and then it made her go,

so we giggled at each other, and I heard the dissent from all the greasy old Prague men, like, I don't need snow, don't make a laugh, fuck them or kill them, don't make a laugh fuck them or kill them I've got a mate of mine who's quite submissive sexually and he went to a strip club and the stripper knew like straight

away that he was submissive from his body language and that so she slapped him about a bit and spat in his mouth and he loved it he gave it a big tip yeah yeah I'll tell you after the podcast who that was. You'll be surprised. I know exactly

who it was and I want to do a callback but I can't. What are we talking about? Give us a chip. He gets two strippers. You're going green with the Czech Republic. I don't know, Adam. I don't know.

But I feel so anxious. I want to win the game. But I don't know. I didn't see the stripper's dick. I hope she didn't have one. Maybe that's why she was giggling. She was like, this guy doesn't like my dick. Would you have sex with a Chinese if you were abroad?

No. In a different postcard? No. All right, cool. Not for me. Oh, God, I hope she smiles better than I do. For the same reason, look. What?

I don't eat corn sausages either. No. I accept that it looks like a sausage and it wants to be known as a sausage and i'll call it a fucking sausage but while there's real sausages available i'm gonna crack on with them you're so pc now you're this i think this in like the first vegetables since like if you invite sausages to your barbecue i'm not gonna not come to your barbecue no i'm happy with them being there but the fact i'm just not going to You're so woke now that you will

Respect their right to be called sausages Like they identify As sausages Even that you know that they weren't really They didn't start in this world as sausages Yeah You're so good like that Trannies you're not as good

I sometimes honestly when transvestite porn pops up and I'm having a look I'm like first of all can we just say they're not called trannies or transvestites anymore they're called transgenders right sorry sorry because tranny is very offensive

because you've shortened it and added a y which is awful is it okay and transvestite what's a vestite what are they they're transitioning into a vestite have a word with yourself you're fucking you abusive piece of thing you're nasty i love it i love it how you realized as you're about to call me an abusive piece of shit you were being an abusive piece of shit that was what if you heard adam go how am i gonna no hang on i'm trying to call down an abusive piece of shit while basically abusing no i know i'm i'm being i'm i am that was i knew i was being very very tongue-in-cheek by using the old... I honestly didn't know transvestite was...

I knew saying tranny was bang out of order. That's kind of the fun of it. But I honestly didn't think transvestite... Transgender, because gender is a spectrum, but sex isn't. Sex is born in. So you can be a male woman, you can be a female man, but you can't be a female male anyway for 10 pounds czech republic you said green we've locked that in as your final answer but what about

but what about people who change genders like regularly what do you think about i'm just stalling because I want the money. You mean non-binary people? Oh, is that non-binary? They're polarised opposites of the gender spectrum. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They have, you know. Again, I'll call you what you want,

but I think it's a bit silly. Yeah. Pick a team, innit? Pick a team. Can't be Spurs and Hull. And Arsenal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For £10!

I hate those cunts with two teams. Yeah. Yeah, I just feel like... I just think... It's the whole thing of... You just pick a team, don't you? Well, I'm actually... I like this team and that team,

and then they try and justify it. And I've got no qualms with because I fucking grew up in Preston and sport Watford which is just ridiculous

and we were doing it to be silly oh you're actually talking about teams here oh yeah sorry yeah I thought you were actually

I thought you were you were slagging off non-binary people no no sorry I don't know I've never I always think that

that rallying railing against fucking people who are non-binary is one of those, I tell you, who else has pissed me off? You've never met anyone like that. You're just sort of annoyed with a concept that you've seen on Twitter. But, I mean, who's ever met someone who's like, I'm a man, now I'm Brian, now I'm Bernadette.

I've never met anyone like that, so it's, I don't know, but people who've got two football teams can fuck off. Yeah. They're playing the same tier. Come on. I mean,

you can have a Scottish team. You can have a foreign team. Have you got a Scottish team? I'd go Celtic. I used to love Celtic. When I, they had a, back in the 90s,

they had a goalkeeper called, Patrick, Patrick, you're right, early 90s, Patrick Bonner. And he's from, he's from,

Ireland. And he used to get called Paddy Bonner, Patty Bonner, Pat Bonner. He used to get called Packy Bonner. Patty Bonner, Pat Bonner. He used to get called Packy Bonner. I'm not even joking. Apparently, this is totally true, if you're called Patrick

and you're from the west coast of Ireland, one of the shortenings of it, one of the nicknames for Patrick, Porrig, Patrick, Paddy, and Packy is a shortening of Parig and genuinely. So in Ireland, there was an international goalkeeper, very famous, called Paki Bonner. And to anyone, you're like, oh, yeah, Jason.

He's a fucking great player as well, you know. Fucking Paki Bonner, you know. And I just find that very entertaining. Also, I fucking... Jackie McNamara used to play for them. I just loved Celtic. I thought the green and white was cool. I actually loved that the Irish are refusing

to sort of change that. Like, no, we've always called Patrick Pachy Bonner. We're not changing it just because the English have bastardised that word to abuse other people from the other side of the planet who we think are fucking really nice fellas, by the way. They're fucking

lovely. And just because the English are fucking cutting them off, doesn't mean that we've got to change Uncle Paki's name. Uncle Paki. Lots of love from all the family here in Limerick. Love you, Thono.

And here's the lovely little card, and we've put 10 euro in your card. Lots of love from all the family doing a WhatsApp video. Happy birthday, Uncle Paki. Unless this is one of the Irish comics taking the the piss i am almost convinced this is true that parig patrick they're all the same hope it's not so much but it's not and we've done this anyway brendan burns won the fucking perrier and uh when he was good um back in the day, he had a bit about how... Paki is a, you know, hate word over here. Fair enough.

It's recognised as, you know, a nasty nickname, pejorative, whatever. But in Australia, they're just like... There's no racism attached to it. It's just like calling Australians Aussies. So when Australians come over here and everyone's like you can't say that word you can't say the p word that's disgusting that's a hate word apparently when he first came over what the fuck you on about they're from pakistan apparently when they play the test australia play pakistan there's advert used to be adverts on tv

going the pakis are coming! Like if the Ashes were being on here, they'd be like, the Aussies are coming! And everyone's fine with it. Over there, genuine TV adverts, the Pakis are coming! Everyone's like, yeah, they are! It makes fucking sense. It's a joke how British people ruin fucking everything because

if that's all it was, if it was just well, Paki is short for Pakistani then we could say it all the time but we don't use it for that. We use it for anyone who has got remotely brown skin, and that's the problem. And it's very offensive to Indians, for example, who hate Pakistanis, and Pakistanis hate them. There's a comic from Newcastle called Raul Coley,

who does a routine about this this and he's from Indian descent and he talks about walking down the street with his grandad and some little Geordie racist kid shouts at his grandad I fucking ate packets and his grandad said you ate them! I fucking ate them mate!

I love it when when you're a comedian and you're asian you are allowed to pee vomit everyone else like for us that's why it's fun isn't it you're like when raul cole he's a good comic when he's on stage like yep you're allowed but fucking i'm not that's a fact that reminds me of paul sinar's bit and i'm sure he won't mind us doing it but when they went to watch um england play turkey and paul's family i think are bengali whatever he's from that bit of asia whatever and they're watching the football and the england fans start singing i'd rather be a paki than a turk

and i'd rather be a paki than a turk oh i'd rather be a Paki than a Turk. Oh, I'd rather be a Paki. And apparently Paul's like, oh, fuck, this is awful. It's like racism and we're here to support England. And he turns to his dad and his dad's got a tear in his eye. He's an old Bengali dad. He goes, you all right, dad?

He was like, finally, son. We're off the bottom rung. ITV's the chaser he doesn't do that one on the chase for £10 oh fuck really fucking Czech Republic

you said the Czech Republic were in green, and Dan Nightingale, you nailed it! You nailed it! The Czech Republic have got, on average, 6.3 inches of prime European pipe. Whoo! Hey, can I just, out of interest, could you Czech Slovakia for for me because they used to be unified

they used to be czechoslovakia now they're czech republic in slovakia i'd love to know surely but not on the list ah right okay good soz hey did you see did you see shani czech republic did you see shani on twitter it was amazing she amazing. After yesterday's episode, she was like, I really appreciate you guys doing the work because after the Rona, I'm going to be travelling the world and I want to know where I'm visiting. See you in the Congo. And then some absolute lid-stain comment.

You're like, why did you bother? And she went, I doubt very much you'll be going to the Congo anytime soon. Dryest cunt on Twitter. Yeah, there's so many of those fucking... You appear to be making a mistake, people, on Twitter. You seem to have misspelled a word. For £15, Dan Nightingale.

Chris is getting silly. If you want to play, If you want to play, if you want to play, you've got ten. If you get a question wrong, you'll drop down to five. Honestly, this episode will be about 15 minutes shorter if you weren't so fucking pedantic with the money.

Yes, I'm playing. Of course I'm playing. I'm stretching out to get the advertisers. I'm two turbo shandies in. I'm three in. Shut up. £15. Second to last question.

Penultimate. Fucking hell. Stop milking it. You're getting me jittery. The Dominican Republic. Oh, come on. The Dominatrix Republic. The Dominican Republic. Dominique.

It's got to be red, hasn't it? No, I meant green. It's got gotta be red, isn't it? No, I meant green. It's gotta be green, isn't it? It's pro-racism, but I'm saying Caribbean Island. I'm going green, Adam. I've got no lifelines. I'm just hoping for some unknown fucking reason

the Dominicans weren't the small dick island in the Caribbean. Oh, it's a F-14 oh go on I'll just go on we can lock that in if you want now just before we do that

we need to consider this second to last question I could be trying to trick you here I could be putting the Dominican Republic in so that you lose your money. Or it could be a double bluff where I'm making you think, oh, hang on. No, maybe

that's down the ladder a bit so that you go, oh, I'm not guessing green because he wants me to guess green. But then it is green. You've really cleared this up. You've really cleared this up. You've really cleared it up. I'm just saying,

it might not be the obvious one, but it also, it might be the obvious one. So, green. You think there'd be such a gimme at this stage of the game? All right, okay.

Open goal. Yellow. All right, yellow. Ooh. There's mind games going on here remember I've got money at stake I could be trying to

trick you are you going yellow yeah I'm going yellow no I'm going green no I'm going yellow yellow yeah I'm going yellow if it's green that's the end of the part I'm going yellow. Yellow. Yeah, I'm going yellow.

If it's green, that's the end of the pod, I'm pissed off. Go on. I'm fucking answer. Yeah, fuck it, come on. It is yellow. It is yellow. Right. You fucking mollycoddled me through this, but we're finally here.

Better shot at the title here, lad. The jackpot. How much am I on? 15? I'm going to be pissed off, by the way, if Laura's coughing in the next room. Well, I'm going to be pissed off if she's coughing in the next room, because, I mean, yeah, she's cheating, but she's also got symptoms, so...

Oh, the title, Dan Nightingale! Greenland! Greenland. Greenland. There's no way they're green. I mean, is there anyone there? Have they even got a population? You've got 15 quid.

If you get this wrong, you'll drop to five. If you get it right, you'll shoot up to 25 pounds. Greenland. There's no... What zone are they falling? Less people doesn't necessarily mean less dick size, does it? Yeah, it's freezing up there, isn't it?

I've flown over the cunt. Yeah, but this is erect. This is erect with the heating on. No lifelines left. Alright. Can I just... um you got no lifelines left all right you've got can i just i can walk away with 15 here can't i you can do but if you do then i'm not doing another podcast i'm going red i'm going red adam i'm going red yeah i'm going fucking red no i'm not

No, I'm not. I'm going red. Final answer? Yeah. No! Yeah. No. Yes.

We've locked in red. Yeah. Now. Oh, for fuck's sake. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop. If you'd have said green... I'd have been wrong. You'd be walking away here with five pounds.

Yeah. You would have been wrong. Yeah. If you'd have said yellow... Yeah. You'd be walking away with five pounds. You would have been wrong. Oh, shit.

This fucking little orange dick bastard. You said red. I did yeah yeah that's the incorrect answer it's orange those little fuckers greenland have got orange dicks can you see why i went there though because? Because I saw what you were doing. You were having fun picking green land. And I just, you know, I chanced it. And not only are they in the orange, they're very close to being yellow. They're 5.4 inches. I'm wrong.

I don't care how wrong I am. Well, there you go. I owe you another fiver. Well, that was fun. And we've done nearly an hour of podcasting. Absolutely bullshit. And this is still the first section. Nearly all bullshit.

Let's have a word from Trans Alloys. Now then, lads, I want to tell you about Trans Alloy Wheels Limited. Alloy wheel refurbishments, car body work, and customization services in Leeds and throughout West Yorkshire. Basically, these guys can sort your wheels out. And if you're listening to this thinking, well, I'm not like a boy racer, I'm not that bothered about my car. Mate, I drive a Volvo and after the fucking Rona,

I'm going to these guys at Trans Ilo Wheels Limited when I'm gigging in Yorkshire and I'm going to get them to sort out the alloys that are all scuffed up and fucked on my Volvo V40. So even if you've got a sensible dadmobile or you've inherited your nana's banger, soup up the wheels, get them sorted. If you've parked like a bellend, get them tidied up, make them look smarter, go the full hog, get them jazzed up, get them glitzy, get them gold. Just live your life through your alloy wheels. They can add value to your car and make it look fucking smart. They use the same techniques as the biggest car manufacturers. And they offer powder coating, diamond cutting, painting, new tires, acid stripping and shot blasting, tire fitting and removal. They do car body repairs.

And they have a pickup and delivery service. They also do insurance work. These guys have got amazing reviews online. Come and get your wheels souped up, changed and ref feeling triggered. It must be Have A Word with Adam and Dave. And we're back. Unlucky there, Dan. You had a shot at 25 quid there.

And I'll tell you what, I'm not going to tell you when because I can't be as committed to stuff anymore and they're not doing it. I'm going to do another quiz like that. Who wants to be a billionaire or something along those lines at some point? In the future.

We can't do it on Monday's episode because we're a bit international dick heavy at the moment, aren't we? By the way, if you listened yesterday, I thought that was pure out. You're probably not loving today's, but if you think that, you're not really on the fucking team anyway, la. Can I just say two things?

First of all, a heartfelt thank you. Because yesterday, Patreon, which is the way our listeners support our podcast at the minute, they give us a bit of money. And as we've said a few times, on Monday, you're going to find out the long-term plan for that and how you're going to get some extra content

and extra benefits for being a Patreon member. We got paid from Patreon yesterday. And what was really funny earlier was I had my whiteboard out in the kitchen, like in the dining area, and Jade come downstairs to make herself a cup of tea. And she was like, what are you doing? Why have you written 10 pence up to 25 quid on a whiteboard?

And I was like, oh. And I said this so nonchalantly as if it was the most normal thing in the world. I went, oh, I'm going to play Who Wants to Be a Willionaire with Dan on the podcast. And she paused as I was giggling to myself I can't believe this is how we pay our bills

I keep saying that I'm going to work Laura's like I was inventing a game show based on the average size of different nationalities and dicks and I think it was just a stark moment for Jay where I was inventing a game show based on the average size of different nationalities' dicks and I think it was just a stark moment for Jay where it was like how does anyone get anything out of this because like I've said it's just not her humour

I know we keep saying about missing gigs if you took I just can't imagine not having this now like I've known for a few years I wanted to do a podcast. It took the whole of last year sorting it out, coming up with a concept.

It was the wrong concept. Trying to do a pilot with Danny. That wasn't working. Buying all the kit. It was painful. I'm even still working out the video editing stuff. In my head, I was like, you've got to do the videos. It's all of this.

And then we did our pilot. It's taken that full year of fannying around. we're now four or five months into it we're in may it's starting to pay some money just at the time where all our other income goes in the bin and the people like comics are talking like which will be gigs in september do you think it'll be october god it might be longer it might be sooner but what I know is that this is now my main income. And fuck me, it's like, I know you're going to go, oh, it's all for the road. Mate, I'm living the dream here. In a weird way, in a weirdly intense way,

this is what I want. I want to be, I want to be, this is as important to stand up right now. For me, this is, yeah, so everyone that signed up to the Patreon, a massive thank you. Everyone who's listening, everyone who's sharing, all the that signed up to the Patreon, a massive thank you. Everyone who's listening, everyone who's sharing,

all the kind words we get on Twitter, all the times I see one of our listeners reply to someone going, oh, I fancy listening to a podcast. And they're like, mate, if you want to just laugh at these bellends, I really appreciate it because you're helping a lot. This podcast is not, like, we mentioned the Patreon a few times a week because we have to because it's the only, on top of a couple

of adverts, it's the only way for this to make any money and for us to be able to keep doing it we understand though and we said this at the start and I don't want this to be forgotten, we totally understand that there's people in a very similar position to me and Dan who can't afford

at the minute to put money into a Patreon and you just want an escape from reality and some entertainment. Keep listening. All we ask if you love this but you can't afford to put some money in go and leave us a five star review on iTunes and say I love this thing.

Now there's a few people who reply every time we mention this going oh I don't use iTunes. I'm like, look, that's fine. I'm not saying you have to listen to it on iTunes, but if you've got an iPhone, go to the podcast app and leave the review anyway, even if you listen on Spotify, just go and find the podcast and leave the review there. If you don't have an iPhone or you can't do that, don't worry about it, but tell a mate, just message your mate and go, lad, I don't know whether you listen to podcasts or people you do know listen to podcasts, lad,

I know you listen to podcasts. Have a wit. This is funny as fuck. I really love it. The more listeners we get, the longer this will go on for and the longer we can continue to do what we're doing. We're so blown away, and I know that seems like a cliche, by the support this has

had from not only the past couple of weeks, but from day one. And the fact that in lockdown, most people listen to podcasts on their commute. They're on the way to work, they're on the bus, they're in the car, whatever. That's been taken away from a lot of people. And we're still doing thousands

and thousands and thousands of downloads every day. and we're just very grateful for it i've had a drink i'm getting emotional oh we i've got mates who've got patrons and they're like yeah obviously things are difficult because there's a you know weird sort of rona recession in it so it's hard to know how we're doing and i'm like oh we've only we've only ever had a patron during this recession and we've had all the help we're having so yeah just sometimes it feels like a sales pitch but it's more like you're helping us to the point where genuine thank you yeah it's a genuine thank you and what's just around the corner and hopefully towards the end of the year next year is we get a studio a proper studio we get the the set the

setup and the production help to do full episodes on youtube like literally full visuals on youtube and if you're thinking well i just like the podcast as it is that will improve the quality it'll improve it'll free me and adam up to just have fun with it. So someone else can be doing the admin and the editing. It will improve the podcast. Like the plans we've put in place for post-lockdown, without sort of sounding like sort of arrogance or dick swinger, the production level that we're going to go into with this thing is going to blow everything in the UK out of the water.

Like American comics for the past decade have really embraced the fact that podcasts and YouTube are the way to go. And there's not many people in the UK who've really bought into it. And we're really about to do that. And the amount of stuff you're going to get from us, and I just know our listeners are going to be very happy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The rest of whatever the lockdown is and the lockdown's about to be eased and we know that now um but post lockdown and for the rest of the lockdown the stuff you're going to get you're going to be so happy with because we know that you love what we're doing because we get

emails and texts and tweets and messages and DMs every day saying oh my god this this this and the other we're only just warming up and i'm so fucking excited for the future of this thing you know davina sent a tweet yesterday our listener davina who uh who's become a little bit of a favorite of mine and adam's just because of a few emails she's sent and she's just she sent a really nice tweet out going i've just re-listened to episode one and it's as fresh and funny then as it is now and we were relaxed and like it it meant a

lot nothing's going to change we're just going to have to work out how to get the best out of this podcast and that's what that's what we're doing if there is there is change coming now because there has to be but if any point you hear us go, right, what are we going to do differently? Don't be like, shit, they're going to change it. They're going to ruin it. We're not. We just want to keep fucking around,

making each other laugh, and hopefully you laughing as well. And I think everyone who listens to it trusts our judgment because we've got this far by just doing what we think is going to work, and I think we're going to be fine. Anyway, enough blabbering, lads.

What have you got for the middle section? An hour and ten minutes into the pod. We're meant to be fine. Anyway, enough blabbering, lads. What have you got for the middle section? An hour and ten minutes. We're meant to be doing our dream booze-ups, aren't we? Oh, shit! I've got mine. Have you got yours? Have you just got yours or have you got a list of what people sent in as well? I've got

some of what people have sent in. I've not got absolutely everything. So if you're like, oh, I sent mine in. A lot of people have sent a lot of ones in so we asked which three, by the way, how are you doing with the old booze right now? How's it sitting with you Adam?

A little bit tipperarty Can I be honest? I'm having a good time now. That first 10, 15 minutes of the pod, I wasn't there mentally. I wasn't there. I was like fighting it. I've been drinking Bud Light.

Oh, yeah. But I've got a Bud Light pint glass, so I've got bottles of Bud Light, but I've been tipping them into me Bud Light brand of pint glass, and I'm having a really good time. And I'm telling you now, the last two lockdown lock-ins as soon as the pod's over I've gone I can't be arse drinking for the rest

of the day I'm just going to get back to normality I am having a booze today nice you know what I don't like is knowing I've got to drink it's a weird one it's a really weird one I just think it's like it must be like being a porn star when you're like you have got to fuck at 10 a.m on Wednesday

because that's when the film is like the shoot is you're like oh god you want to bang when you need to bang you want to drink when you need to drink it's a weird there's been a couple of lockdowns ago and I was like I'm not really in the fucking mood for this today i'm happy to tell you that i'm uh you are do you think you could do porn like like forget your dick size for a minute because obviously that's going to be a problem unless you're going into the niche market but i mean like if you had the opportunity do you think you could go for it i think it'd ruin my stand stand up no but like they can make it so like yeah yeah yeah mask on or something

and yeah yeah so no one knows it's you so basically the hypothetical is could I almost ethically do porn

rather than it's not you with your sort of tubby 5 foot 8 baldy shit glasses psoriasis.

Yeah, I'll know it's me. Could I do it? It doesn't look loads of fun, I think. It doesn't look loads of fun. Can we just pause there and say, it absolutely does look loads of fun. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The first layer is like, oh, wow, they're having sex.

It must be amazing. I'm just saying, just look under that layer. Like, have you ever had your dick not work? Have you ever had your dick let you down in a big sitch? No. These Swedish girls, 2001, working at the hyena, and my mate Lee went, look look I've met these Swedish birds I'm really getting on with one of them

I think she's up for it will you just entertain her mate and just be a good wingman just help me out and I got there and the mate it was one of those situations where being a wingman

could not have been better I swear to god I got there and he's like damn fuck I got back from the train from a gig or something he was like could you just do me a favour

and fucking wingman I was like yeah got nothing else to do no worries it's a fucking Wednesday of course got in there

he's talking to this Swedish bird and then he's like this is the friend and she was the hotter one I was like right yeah

I think I can do this Lee then turns out she's a bit pissed she thinks I'm grey and she very very I don't know if this is all scandinavian sex banter was like this is nice i like it so you know we're gonna drink and then you come back to us yeah i was like oh okay it was like almost like it was my birthday present

but do you know what i like there though do you know what what's your mate's name who's this what's his name lee fennec who used to be in decleklatyshenka and Fittimals with Jason Cooke. Yeah, back in... I've known him 20 years. So, what's happened there, right, is he's met

two Swedish girls, which, stereotypically, are the epitome of beauty. Oh, yeah, yeah. One's unbelievable gorgeous.

Hitler's wet dream. And he can't believe his luck to the point where he's got two of them. One's a nine, one's a ten. And he's gone, oh, I'm going to go for the nine and play it safe. Yeah. It's the sexual equivalent of just putting an iron shot in the fucking fairway. Don't get the driver out. Don't get cocky.

Just get the nine iron out and just pop one down the fucking fairway. I couldn't believe my... She was attractive. I mean, in reality, his was a six and a half, seven, and mine was a seven and a half, eight. But a win's a win.

She was so sexually confident that she freaked me the fuck out. She was like, yes, it she was like yes then i'll never forget this she's like yeah yeah we've had a lot of fun since we've been in newcastle uh because i was at uni and working at the comedy club there she was like yeah i had a lot of fun we met a guy the other night called whatever and then got a polaroid of his dick out and he had a big he had a big dick do you want to see a picture i was like not really show me the picture look at that that's a very that's a

now daniel you know how women feel on social media when they get shown unsolicited dick pics okay this is exactly what women feel like on a day-to-day basis in the new modern world. All right, Saskia. The problem with that is when women see those dick pics, they're like, this is disgusting. This is almost like internet abuse. I didn't want this dick pic. That's fine.

When you see a Polaroid of a dick pic, essentially what she's saying is like, oh, this is really big. What's yours like? The difference is when you see a dick pic as a woman you don't have to then compete with it by having your own dick like if you see a man and to be fair to this guy he was packing some fucking white heat it oh it's impressive it's impressive uh and And I don't know what it was. And I remember we got back to hers and she led me into the bedroom. She took her top off and she went,

are you going to show me what you've got? And my head had gone, my head fell off. I was like, yeah, there's nothing I could have done. My dick was just like, I'm out the game.

It just wasn't competing. And I just couldn't get an erection. And I just had to do a thorough apology and leave. Awful. I had a girl ask me to punch her once and and

It was a one night stand as well. We'd met on a night out and we were fucking and she said um i like it rough and i was like okay so like choking and that and she went no punch me she didn't specify but i was like look we met in club. If something goes wrong here and you end up with bruising, like, it's the end of my life. I can't do that. And she was like, are you a pussy?

And I was like, look, if we'd been going out like six months and you were like, I like getting punched, I could be like, okay, say it into this tape recorder so that the police can then know that you said it. If you could just sign here, sign here, sign here. Let me just get my flatmate. Mom!

Can you come and witness this? But, like, you've got to hold that in for a few months. You've got to be like, look, let's just have missionary and you know, then a bit of doggy maybe. You've got to be like, look, let's just have missionary and then a bit of doggy maybe. You need a safe word.

You can't get punched on a one night stand because if it goes wrong, yeah, I just punch me. No. No. How far are you willing to go for a one night stand? Lord is dead.

Don't worry about it Okay You're meant to say that they're amazing but without alcohol they're pretty cringy aren't they? You need booze I'm the woman Amanda Rowe Okay Truly dreadful fuck me how do you even know how to do that so quick so we've gone back and i'm like right I want you to bite me neck

I think I'm having the same thing that happened with a Swedish girl my dick is just not playing ball seeing you turn your t-shirt into a bite me neck bite your neck yeah I'd bite I'd vibe I think a subtle

a subtle bite of the nips you've got to judge it you've got to judge it. You've got to judge it right, haven't you? Slap me ass. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And I like a girl with a big bum as well, so there's loads of...

Slap me face. Then it's getting awkward, isn't it? Then it's getting to the point where if she changes her mind and starts lying, then it's going to be like, oh, yeah. Sl like oh yeah my face no don't want to slap your face no i'm out i'm out i'm out and also what kind of life trevor used to slap little mo this is my theory with that. You've got to be with someone who's equally dirty. You're just...

In life, there's a lot to be said for being just equally... You know? Just, you need to be... If you're vanilla, you need to be with someone who's vanilla. Like, oh, darling, I'd like to penetrate you now with my penis. Of course, babe. One, two, three, think of England. Huzzah!

And at the same time, if you're spitting each other's eyes and mouth and, like, fucking kidney punching each other, you need to both be that dirty, like, shit on my arm! The vanilla guy can't be with the dirty girl. The dirty guy can't be with the vanilla girl. You know what I mean? Or guy or guy, whatever. You can't have someone who's like, I like to have sex

with ladies who have boobies and vaginas. And then the girl's like, fucking, say my nan's dead. And then shit on my feet. I'll tell you. Say it! No, no, no, it's not true.

Just say it.'s not true just say it Nan's dead is she or no come in Brian come into the role she is dead as far as you know I just tried to think I just I just tried to think

I'm really sinister like probably and you can tell that I'm not from that end of the century. Tell me Uncle Ian's been hit by a bus! Tell me me dad's found a lump. I was just trying to think. Tell me me fucking... Tell me me auntie got the scan back

and it's not all looking good. Tell me my childhood pet cat's been run over. Go on. I mean, proper dirty, that, innit? Talk dirty. Your nan's dead. Whoa! What are we talking about?

Who would be the three people you'd go for a drink with? This was a brilliant idea until we got to this point and I'm like, I don't give a fuck what people think. John, loving the pod, signed up for the Patreon so can't wait for the live show.

Just listening to today, so thought I'd share my piss-up dream team. Shut up, Microsoft. My laptop keeps being a fanny. Just shut the fuck up. He's nailed it. John, it's one of my favourite ones. The Dude from The Big Lebowski, Withnail from Withnail and I

and Vincent Vega from Pulp Fiction and he's poor I've seen the first two and the third one I've only seen once about ten years ago so you haven't seen The Big Lebowski no Adam, my gift to you from me and John is

watch Jeff Bridges as The Big Lebowski. What a fucking film. The Coen Brothers on Phenomenal Form. These are some top fives as well, don't we? We haven't done that. Yeah, but a lot of work to be like, this is what I think.

Matt Tobin says, Jay from The Inbetweeners. Don't shout that that that is a good fucking shout it's great to be on the piss with a bullshitter someone who just chats shit constantly is a

great drinking buddy that is an out of the fucking left field belter of a shout and he says Gary and Tony from men behaving badly I think their banter is going to be a bit fucking boring you know I think Jay Gary and Tony from

yeah erm at count Q Jay be like I thought I'd shag loads of birds by me nuns. At Count Cube, I know I'd want on the nice chilled night out after lockdown,

but let's be honest, we want characters to get fucked up with. So I'm drinking with Bender from Futurama, Rick Sanchez from Rick and Morty, and Frank Reynolds from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Can I just say, at Count Cube, you've got two of my three, which I knew someone would get Bender or Rick Sanchez,

but Bender and Rick Sanchez are two of my three. I don't watch Rick and Morty. Oh, it's very good. It's very good. I got told to me, good it's one of those things where I get anxiety about watching now because I don't want to think it's shit and then be wrong have you seen the film Get Out yeah

see everyone raved about that and I was just like it's shit because the first hour was like what you thought it's shit. Because the first half is like... You thought Get Out was shit? What? You thought it was shit?

Like, fair enough, you don't love it. You genuinely thought Get Out was shit. Well, I thought the first half was really good. It set the film up really well. Creepy, thriller-type, what the fuck's going to happen? And then when it just became like fucking Star Wars in the second half with all the psychological shit, it just fucking ruined it for me. Psychological shit, yeah.

I watched an amazing film though. Completely unreleased. It's Three Billboards Outside Ebbham, Missouri. Oh. Watched that again recently. What a fucking classic that is. Yeah, it's absolutely amazing. It's a... Third then? Masterpiece. Pam from

Archer. Pow! All animation. Have you watched Archer? No. Pam's a fucking dirty, fat stop out and I think she'd be great to booze with. I don't know, my three? Go on, what's your three?

Gaz Wilkinson from Two Pints of Lager and a Pack of Crisp. He's a northern mechanic good lad good knob just wants a pint and an easy life fucking sound

well into that, Gaz I've already been for a drink with Johnny Keogh or he'd be in this as well tick that box mate second one Jordan Belfort from the Wolf of Wall Street as well. Tick that box, mate. Second one. Jordan Belfort from the Wolf of Wall Street. Oh! Oh, mate.

That is left field. Never mind Jay from Inbetweeners. That's left field. Jordan Belfort. I want the real one now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck the real Jordan Belfort. You want him throwing midgets at signs oh yeah at dartboards

with a scout that in it oh and with quaaludes as well I don't know I'd never heard of quaaludes before that film but if you've ever enjoyed recreational drugs and you've because back in the day I used to love a bit of ketamine as well. I used to get high, dance, then go back to an after party

and get fucking weird. Is it Quaaludes? The Quaaludes scene where they are in the kitchen, slowly dying like... I, the first time Me and Laura watched that together And I lost my fucking mind Laughing

And because she'd never done fucked up drugs Done a little bit, but not bothered She was like, yeah, it's just silly Oh my god, it was Tears coming down my face I loved it Yeah, Jordan Belfort What an absolutely belting shout women's shoes

i might watch that film later that's a fucking good film though uh steam alone my piss up suggestions are as follows jim McNulty from The Wire. Nobody does it quite like McNulty. Yes, mate! Imagine the stories he'd have for you over a few pints when he lets himself go. That's a shout. Yeah, but he's probably going to punch someone. So he's a bit of a

nightmare, is McNulty from The Wire. Mike Baldwin from Corrie. What? He'd pick you up in his Jag, have women around him all night. Mike Baldwin from Corrie what? he'd pick you up in his Jag have women round him all night you won't pay for a single drink all night then he would disappear into the night with a hairdresser from town smooth cunt

mate I love Steve Malone and Stone Cold Steve Austin the guy never dropped a beer and that's the bottom line fucking hell that's the bottom line. Fucking hell. That's an absolutely random three choices. My third one is

Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother. Oh, I've never watched How You Met Your Mother. I know you wanked to it. What? When Jade's watching How You Met Your Mother

and you're just like... I wank with it on in the background. Oh, yeah. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. God, the first... It's different to wanking Your Mother I wank with it on in the background oh yeah sorry sorry sorry sorry different to wanking to it though innit what's the weirdest thing you've ever cracked one out to I don't want to say

oh I want you to say because you don't want to say I don't know what the weirdest is but my porn searches when I'm hungover. No, no, no. Never mind porn. Your porn's...

Have you ever got turned on by something? I've got turned on by the animation Archer. Pam and Carol. There's something about Carol, the secretary, that she just turns me on. I don't know. She's animated. So let me just Google.

Carol from Archer. Yeah. Oh, Lara Croft. Tomb Raider. Have you had a computer wank? Yeah, I used to wank about putting the fucking butler in the fridge on Tomb Raider.

on Tomb Raider? What are you laughing at? Did you play Tomb Raider? No. So Tomb Raider was a PlayStation game and you were walking around being Lara Croft. It was eventually played by Angelina Jolie in the film.

Yeah. You used to lock the butler in the film. Yeah. You used to lock the butler in the fridge. You'd open the big walking fridge, the butler would walk in it, you'd shudder behind him and he couldn't get out. I think having that power over an old man just did something for me, dear. And that's

why Adam isn't working in a care home. Tell you what, the new lad Adam's keen, isn't he? Yeah, Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother was basically a Friends replacement. So I think the networks in America

was like, look, Friends is gone. We need something dead similar. And it is very similar, but not the same. It's a good concept, but Barney Stinson is a whiskey-swilling Lothario, and he's a...

He's Joey. He's Joey. He is Joey. But a bit more clinical and clean and put together. Yeah. I'd love to go for a pint with Barney Stinson. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and Ron Swanson got a few shout-outs as a character

that you'd like to go drinking with. Yeah. I really think Parks and Rec's got the same vibe as Friends. I've been watching it. It's been my go-to. Gangs of London, Adam, and I'm reiterating it. I don't want to do the same thing that I've done that people do with, you know, Rick and Morty.

Don't want to overblow it, but I watched another two episodes, not last night, I was walking around the village shouting through my fucking hands free. The night before, watched two episodes and the first one was such a fun shoot-em-up bloodbath.

It was fucking great and I'm so proud that it's British. It's like, it got to the point of being good that I was like, I'm genuinely chuffed that this is made here that's how good it is i got i got nationalistic about how good it was because how many great american tv shows have you seen fucking loads and and i don't know

i've had some stuff recommended like over here and i'm like yeah i think it's kind of not that good like oh god you really want to see luther luther's so good i watched luther i was like it's hacky as fuck no no well hacky caricature badly written like not even badly not even badly written just a bit, is that what he's like? Is he a maverick? Is he an absolute maverick? It's boring, caricature, comedy. I'm not fucking having it.

Luther is one... It's not. It is. It's fine. If you told me I had to come up with a top ten TV series, Luther's in it. Shut up. Really? Did you tell me to had to come up with a top 10 TV series, Luthor's in it. Shut up. Really?

Did you tell me to shut up? Upset me, nasty bitch. Have you never seen it before? Why are you coming and telling me to shut up when you're fucking hanging off your head doesn't even fit you? Aye. I've got a bigger...

Do you know how drunk I am? And I am drunk. Just pressing that button made me genuinely happy. I'm at that point like, just press the fucking button. I'm a dick fuck. Oh my God. Oi, following Sophie Anderson on Twitter is not easy.

She's mental, mate. She's a Barbie doll porn star. But she literally, it's like three to one the ratio of like poor ridiculous porn instagram like i fucking i just want to get fucking jizzed in my eye i got this cucumber and frigging myself with it i need fucking dick i need to get out the roaner there's three of those and then a random video go, hey gays and girls, I hope you're doing alright loads of positivity, like what are we doing? Pick a fucking lane

Sophie, you can't just you can't be like, I'm gonna go dick fuck and then the next minute be like, good vibes you know, be yourself Doing these adverts makes me want to go to Voxhall Comedy Club so much, when the shutdown is over, when we're free, when venues are open again,

if you like comedy and you're in London, or if you're visiting the Big Smoke, go and watch some live stand-up at the Vauxhall Comedy Club. It's just over the water, near the West End, really central. On a Friday and Saturday night, they have an amazing offer where they do as much booze as you can get, a bottomless booze comedy night. Amazing comedians from the TV, from the circuit. It's 90 minutes, free wine, cider, beer, and it's just 25 quid. There's also a spirit and mixer bottomless ticket,

and there's also an entry ticket that's just £10. Vauxhall Comedy Club is open Monday to Saturday, and it's right next to the amazing Vauxhall Street Food Garden. So obviously right now you can't go, as soon as you can get down there enjoy yourself Adam's played it I'm looking forward to playing it and in the meantime

hit them up on socials at Vauxhall Comedy Club on Instagram at Vauxhall Comedy on Twitter and Vauxhall Comedy Club on Facebook the show is 18 and over

so if you look young and fresh take your ID and if you look like me fucking Grandad Dave you'll get right in see you there Vauxhall Comedy Club

nice one two mics two lids If you look like me, fucking Grandad Dave, you'll get right in. See you there, Vauxhall Comedy Club. Nice one. Two mics, two lids, and a lot of time on their hands. This is Have A Wad. Oh, Adam, get your fucking ears around this. What? Jesus. It's time to have a word with Adam and Dan. Tell us all the problems you have

with your friends. This was gonna be the whole podcast. Now it's just the final 10%. What in the fuck was that? A massive shout out to Harry. You have done us.

And little Vinnie Robinson. Little Vinnie Robinson. Ben P. At Ben P. Williams. And Harry, who have basically off their own back gone. We're going to do it. Can we do it again?

They've taken your composition. Yeah, play it again. It's trying to have a word with Adam and Dan sell us all the problems that you have with your friends this was gonna be the whole podcast now it's just

the final 10% sugar! I added the last one so Harry and the boys, this is for you, mate. I'm so happy with that. Fuck me dead. It's time for Have a Word with Adam and Dan.

Send us all the problems that you have with your friends. So what I'm going to do... It's going to be the whole podcast. Now it's just the final 10%. What I'm going to do is from Monday's episode onwards, we'll have

that just after the second advert. Definitely. And then Adam can sing if he wants, but that has got to be a part of the podcast. I'm never singing again. I'm just so glad that actual musicians have took your memory cards full.

Yeah, mine is as well. Funny. Harley Robinson and the rest of the boys, thank you so much for that. That was boss. So, got to have a word for you. Have a word. Number one of one for today.

I'm going to wrap it up. I've got some food on the way. Yeah, me too. This has been a fucking really rickety one. It's been a long one. And it's been one of those where you're like, this is not the part, this is not the episode for the tourist.

This is, this is not the like, I'm going to give it a try on episode 48. Wouldn't recommend it. This is for the people who are like, yeah, these lids are my lids. And I'm really like when they,

when they talk for a hundred minutes and it's nearly all bullshit. Oh yeah. If this is your first time listening, then to be honest, if this is your first time listening, And it's nearly all bullshit. Yeah, if this is your first time listening, then, to be honest, if this is your first time listening, you haven't got this far, so it doesn't fucking matter. Adam and Dad.

What's the weirdest place you've wanked about yet? There is no one on listen number one at this point of this podcast. No, no, no. So anyone who's quit by this point, go fuck your mother. Yeah, and also people are like, you don't need to swear to be funny, guys. You do. Fuck off.

I hope your nan's dead. And other such dirty talk. Your nan's got that owner. Tell me Uncle Brian was in a fucking blimp accident. What? What? Have a word with my neighbours.

They live behind me. They're moaning because I've spent the last few days building a bar in the back garden. I already fucking love this guy. I don't know who he is. I'm off work at the minute and I'm the type of person who can't sit around. I've only been putting about two hours a day into it

after dinner for 40. Yeah, okay. That makes sense. So he's, early afternoon, he's in the garden, he's putting his bar together. I've got ages

to get it done. Apparently the woman behind has come up to this. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Pause, pause the thing. Is lunchtime dinner? Yeah. What?

That's lunch. Yeah, for all you fucking Preston noncers. But in Liverpool, you have breakfast, dinner and tea. There's no lunch. Right, right, right. We have breakfast, lunch and dinner. Yeah, because you're all fucking weird. Yeah, we're weird.

Denise. Denise! I'm going to put that on the intro I'm going to find me Denise she's a she's an English brunette and she's headed towards the canal Denise

I'm going to die I'm going to die off the rails I've got the f***ing I've got the f***ing I've got the f***ing I've got the f***ing I've got the f***ing I've got the f***ing I've got the f***ing I've got the f***ing

I've got the f***ing I've got the f***ing I've got the f***ing I've got the f***ing I've got the f***ing I've got the f***ing I've got the f***ing I've got the f***ing

I've got the f***ing I've got the f***ing I've got the f***ing I've got the f***ing I've got the f***ing I've got the f***ing I've got the f***ing I've got the f***ing

I've got the f***ing I've got the f***ing I've got the f***ing I've got the f***ing I've got the f***ing I've got the f***ing I've got the f***ing I've got the f***ing

I've got the f***ing I've got the f***ing I've got the f***ing I've got the f***ing I've got the f***ing I've got the f***ing I've got the f***ing I've got the f***ing

I've got the f***ing I've got the f***ing I've got the f***ing I've got the f***ing I've got the f***ing I've got the f***ing I've got the f***ing I've got the f***ing

I've got the f***ing I've got of everyone within earshot and I'm annoying them all. She politely got told to fuck off today. I think all the unemployed people are starting to get pissed off with the working folk intruding on their sitting around on their arse all day. Firstly, they lost Jeremy Kyle. Now they're losing their daytime peace.

Nice swan. So I think what's happened here this woman obviously doesn't work for the living and she's used to just hearing the sound of fucking birds and the wind and whatever and now that he's unemployed he's building his bar and she's like

could you stop fucking hammering nails into that wood because I'm trying to watch Bargain on to you so over to you Dan, who's the arsehole here, who are we having a word with that word because I'm trying to watch Bargain on TV. So, over to you, Dan. Who's the arsehole here? Who are we having a word with? I mean... I

honestly think the time of day that it's happening in... Did you just agree that it's two hours mid-afternoon? Because what... Between dinner and tea, which is between 12 and 6pm, I reckon. Right, which is internationally known, renowned,

you can make noise in your garden time. Yes, mate! I honestly think if you've got a jet wash, if you've got a jet wash, if you've got a rotavator, if you've got a lawnmower, or if you... Anything a jet wash, if you've got a jet wash, if you've got a rotavator, if you've got a lawnmower, anything before 9am, I think you'd be in a touch of a bell sniff. Anything before 11am? Yeah, fuck that.

I honestly think after 7pm. Because you're a bit like, but between the hours of 9 and 7, and alright, people are going to be like, no, I sleep in. Well, that's on you if you're a fucking vampire. But start fucking bitching and moaning in it. What are people meant to do?

What are people meant to fucking do in a shutdown? You've got to garden. You've got to build shit. You've got to build an outdoor bar. If you're a doer, I'm a doer. You get shit done. He's not doing it at 6.30 a.m. That'd be bell-end work.

At 9.30 p.m., just fuck off. Tanya, right now, do you know when I've made me millions? I'm building a bar to me back garden. Oh, yeah, yeah, mate. And my neighbours can all get to fuck. I'm building it from fucking dawn till dusk, mate, until it's done. And they can all fuck off.

This woman who lives behind him is just a fucking moaning cunt. She's a lid. That's what she is. It's one of those people who is just determined to moan about something. She can't get through the day without moaning. And maybe because of the rona, her husband's fucked off because he's like, ah, can't be arsed with this, moaning twice every day. So now she's got to moan at the beach. She's conducting a survey of the other residents.

She is a pedophile. Call your neighbours pedos oh I love this podcast erm yeah she's probably a pedo she's probably done a survey of all the kids she likes exactly

yeah fuck her it's so easy to say fuck them when they're not listed fuck it ah mate ah so easy to say fuck them when they're not listed. Ah, mate. Ah, I'll be getting through the lockdown. Just don't be a dick about it. Jade's in a neighbourhood watch group, you know, on Facebook. We live in West Derby in Liverpool,

and she's in a little group, which is the West Derby Community Collective or whatever it is. Yeah, she's probably a leader. And people post, I'm like, well, people are doing this. I'm like, why are you doing this? is. Yeah, she's probably a leader. And there's people posting like, well, Avina says that people are doing this. I'm like, why are you doing this? She's like, because it's our responsibility to report things to the rest of the community.

I'm like, just stop being. Like, even on every TV show, the people who are in the neighborhood watch are always painted as the little fucking weird pricks, aren't they? And it's because they are. Yeah. Oh, you don't know you. You're not local.

Fuck off. But, having said that, I don't mind a sense of community. I kind of like that about the Rona. How it's made everyone be a bit more friendly and just watch out for each other. But the neighbourhood watches are basically just... It's just a

format for bellwifery, isn't it? I think someone should take their bins in. They're leaving them out all day. They're on the Basically, it's just a format for bellwethery, isn't it? Yeah. I think someone should take their bins in. They're leaving them out all day. They're on the pavement. Oh, fuck off and die. My bin stays out until the week after when I put the new bins out. We've got a recycling bin and a normal bin.

And the purple one will go out on Thursday. I think it went out two nights ago. You've got a recycling bin and a normal bin. And the purple one will go out on Thursday. I think it went out two nights ago. You've got a purple bin? Purple is normal in Liverpool, yeah? And it's a mark of fucking respect. Respect to purple hockey. No, you've got a purple bin. He's got a bin, Dick.

All these fucking cunts from Bootle with their fucking brown bins are not scousers, mate. If you've got a purple bin, that means you are repped by Liverpool City Council and no one else can touch you. Okay?

Shut up! She's from Netherton. That's Sefton. So that bitch has got a fucking brown bin and she can get in the fucking brown bin because we're not having her in Liverpool. Old Swan, West Derby, Dovecote, Kensington, Liverpool City Centre.

We're all purple binned. Right. I'd just like to say hello to Nigel Stapleton, who's in Brisbane, Jilly Bean in Texas. I'd like to say hello to Nick, who is in Missouri. I'd like to say hello to Dan Nightingale's man,

who's got an ass spread on my bed. Oh, kid. Char! Upset me! Nasty bitch! Norma Nightingale.

Is your mom called Norma? Yeah, Norma Nightingale. Unlucky. My mum was called Anne, and that's what my mates used to say to me in school, as if like... It was almost like...

As if like... They were shagging her, so they'd go, Anne Rowe. Anne Rowe. Anne Rowe. Anne Rowe. Like they were holding on two things and pulling themselves back and forth to row, to shag me my, and row,

and row, and row, and row. One of the easiest full names to say, isn't it? The old, yeah, the old two syllable name,

very working class. And Veronica, Catherine Row. Yeah, yeah, never, don't get in the weeds with all that

Catholic shit Ann Rowe proper proper working class I need a wee and another beer can we can we

fuck this off no let's do another have a word it's time to have a word with Adam and Dave saying there's all the problems that you have with your friends

just realise it's actually more like my rendition. Adam, bro, we need a break, don't we? I can tell that you and me need a day off. I will see your beautiful hairy face on Monday. Oh, shit. You need a song, don't you? I've got a song. We're running dead low on Monday. Oh, shit. You need a song, don't you? I've got a song. We're running dead low

on songs. This is our first repeat today because I didn't prepare a new one. Today's artist is called Darren Holmes. We've played this song before, but loads of people loved it. It's called Dream Big. Dream Big by Darren Holmes. We'll see it

on Monday for the Patreon episode in a bit see you both I'm so drunk I was like what? what day is it? I've got to go and finger your ma oh that

it's horrible that he's fucked off he doesn't know the podcast is still going oh no he's not he's listening turn it off turn it off like a light see you mate

bye I'm still going he's got genuine FOMO. He's got FOMO. He's like, no, no, it's my podcast as well. And I see when it's over. See you, mate. Look after yourself.

Yeah? I'm going to say it again. You're going to keep going? I'm fucking packing in. Turn it off. I've got some shit to tell you. I know. All right, cool.

See you later, mate. Bye. Hey, here's what I really think about the Chinese. You know it's not off. You know. This is a stupid one today. All right, that's enough. Let's call it a pod.

Love you, everyone. It's been a weird one. Let's have God's day. See you Monday. Don't keep your dreams inside Let them out and let them fly Let them fly Don't hide them all away I'll keep them for another day

Dream big, dream strong Dream fast, dream along Dream high, in this space, live life Don't you wait When the tears are streaming And the years are screaming They're screaming Grit your teeth, smile and say

Live life for today, for today For today Dream big Dream strong Dream fast Dream long Dream high In space Live life And don't cheat away Oh, wait

Keep them for another day Another day For another day, another day Dream big, dream strong, dream fast, dream long Dream high in this space, live life the normal way Live life, don't wait Dream big, dream strong Dream fast, dream long Dream high, live to the face Live life, don't wait Thank you.