Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #50 Shutdown Pod (VIA ZOOM) -w/Adam & Dan

Episode Date: May 5, 2020

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That supports the podcast. It helps us out. It's win-win. So do us a favor. Pause the pod here. Go and do that now, and then enjoy the episode Nice one

See you in a bit Fucking did it in one take bro Yeah man Now I'm getting the word Nuts Cha Upset me

Nasty bitch Catch me outside How about that I'm big bonded I'm heavy structured I'm hung low If I pull my shit out this whole room, get dark. Disgusting!

It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel like podcasting. With video on YouTube, on social media, at Have A Word Pod, you're listening to the funniest podcast in the game. Have a word. Shut down dailies. Let's get through this mess together. Granddad Daniels lost his phone. Do, do, do, do. Oh, dear. And I just thought, do you know what? Yesterday was a little bit tetchy because we had to get that announcement done

and we were both just wanting to get it right. And it was just a bit of pressure which is weird because this podcast is all just us fucking around and having fun and then all of a sudden we're going good it's like it felt quite serious and i i know my phone is in the house somewhere but i wanted to enjoy the start of this podcast so i just went don't matter adam can email me the login details let it go yeah let it go you'll find it later so i just didn't want to be the psycho going like laura where's the fucking phone come on and then etta's like mommy you have a fucking phone and you're just a bad dad and you've got an annoyed wife and you've just hoofed the fucking i know it's in the couch i'm almost

definite it's in the couch that thieving comfortable bastard of a couch do you leave your phone on silent yeah it's oh yeah always yeah yeah yeah fucking knob and she's the same she loses her phone yeah about six times a day i to the point where if jay comes in a room now and goes adam you know like playing up to the i'm a i'm just a little i'm just a little girl and i need some help from from you that voice as soon as she says my voice in that tone i know she's lost her phone right and i'm like ring it she's like it's on quiet again so many times i've screamed at jade you need to start leaving your phone on loud because you lose it so often if you lose it and it's on loud i can just ring it instead of having it on vibrates and we have to ring it and then make sure the entire house

is dead fucking silent trying to hear a rumble that could be in any room of this three bedroom house. That's never enough unless it's on hardwood and then it sounds so fucking loud. Yeah I don't lose my phone enough to justify it. Six times a day.

It's inside a pillow that I've put in my wardrobe. How did I do that? It's in my comfy pillow. It's inside a pillow that I've put in my wardrobe. How did I do that? It's in my comfy pillow. You know, it's nice. Yeah, six times a day. It's in the washing machine. Isn't there like a...

There's a thing, though, in there, like a Find My Phone, isn't there? I'm making up an app that might not exist, but if there's Find My Friend, I'm sure there's Find My fucking phone. Yeah, there's an app that might not exist, but if there's Find My Friend, I'm sure there's Find My fucking phone. Yeah, there's an app called Find My iPhone, but it doesn't tell you the square inch that it's sat in. It's like if someone steals your phone,

you can go on the Find My iPhone app and it'll go, it's in that house. Oh, right, right, right. It doesn't get as specific as it's fallen behind the couch. I mean, because if it did, and I was in Al-Qaeda or ISIS, I definitely wouldn't have that. Imran, Imran, where is my phone? I don't know, Mohammed.

How many times I tell you? Every time, six times you come in like, Imran, I can't find my phone. You use the phone finder. We've got an app for it. What's that whistling sound? It's the fucking... It's the bombs that have...

Because they're in Al-Qaeda. And ISIS. Frank and Dave can't be in Al-Qaeda. Could you do that again? Or could you use Frank and Dave, please? Could you not trounce all over my Al-Qaeda find your phone bit by pretending you've been eating vegetables this afternoon,

you fucking hairy lesbian? No, Dan, I want to stop that and do it as... I just had a pot noodle. I just had a pot noodle and there's sweet corn in that, so I have had vegetables. That's so good. His little flappy, his little vegan vagina's coming out. Yeah, so that's interesting technology that I don't have.

Where's my phone? I don't know, Dave. I don't know where your phone is, Dave. But Frank, I've lost my phone. Frank, you fucking piece of shit. We need to do beheading video. Get me my phone, Frank. Dave, what is whistling sound coming through window?

Oh, it's targeted missile. The Americans knew because i find my iphone thank you fucking dick you see it's still a problem if you do the middle eastern voice you see you can call them frank and dave oh hey that was my yorkshire oh right you picked the wrong county for that banter. Why? No, I'm just making a joke about the Muslim population of Yorkshire. Well, I was talking about Sheffield, where there's not that many. Don't be coming in with your Bradford banter.

No more sweetcorn pre-pod. No more sweetcorn. Yeah, so I'm just going to look, what am I going to do? Misarrangements. This is the whole fucking deal in it, arrangement-wise. This, and I've made it. We've made it on time.

You've emailed me. What else is going on? I mean, it's two for Tuesday and I was considering a Domino's. So that might cause a problem, but I can still do it on the fucking laptop, can't I? Yeah, you can order on dominoes so that might cause a problem but i can still do it on the fucking laptop can't i yeah you can order on dominoes.com yeah i'm thinking about i think laura's like i'm gonna make something i just zoned out because i want a dominoes really i think i'm gonna do one of me uh me classic roast dinners later okay i've got a beef joint in the fridge that goes out of days in four days so i think I'm going to do that would you eat it beyond that four days

or is that madness? no, I don't eat anything past the sell by date really? Jade does once the bread is out of date it's gone although it's very low risk the bread isn't it?

it's not like we lost Brian because of the bread. The mould. Jade will, like, be holding a fucking piece of bread up to the light and, like, oh, is that the mould? Sniff testing. Sniff testing. No visual?

She's looking for mould on it. And if there's no visual mould, then it's an acceptable piece of bread and she'll toast it. What about cheese? Cheese past the sell-by date's fine, Adam. I mean, if anything, it makes it better cheese, in theory. Oh, I don't like her mouldy cheese.

I like mild cheddar and cheese string. That's what I'm after. What's your favourite cheese? String? Do you have her mouldy cheese? Will you have a Gorgonzola? No.

No, fuck that my dad went through a phase after he divorced my mom he was seeing this psychopath called linda and he went through a phase of making his own pizza i think he put about three stone on in a fortnight he they got a pizza maker and they're like oh i make your own pieces it's better than then you get at a restaurant and what he meant by better was it was a greedy fat fuck's pizza. It was one of those things where you're like, literally, this isn't just now baking or cooking. This isn't culinary anymore. This is borderline engineering.

The amount of shit he'd get on what was basically a 10-inch pizza. They're like, ah, the cheese is already on. You know, you put mozzarella on it, maybe you put cheddar. And then we've got this lovely blue cheese, and he started just stacking different types of cheeses on. It literally couldn't melt because there was too much shit to get through. Oh, the fucking smell of that. So I'm not a big, like, fancy cheese guy,

but after seeing my dad shorten his own life expectancy by about 12 years through three months of home pizza baking i am fucking done like oh i've done seven types of cheeses you're a fat bastard that's the truth such a male way to handle a breakup isn't it like after a breakup women tend to like you know they they do a bit of a glow up don't they they're like i'm gonna just start doing my nails again. I'm going to start seeing the girls. I'm going to book some me time. I'm getting a spa. I just need to feel better and revitalized.

Men handle breakups awfully. Like if you get divorced, I worry how you'll handle it because a lot of men do stand up comedy, don't they? That's such a, I'm 42. She's fucking left me. The kids are in university. I need to do something. I know the people who do it in that circumstance, they're always shit,

and they last about three months to gig in, and then they're just like, oh, fuck this, and they can't be arsed, because that's not what they expected it to be. They're opening lines usually. So I tell you he's a cunt, and you're like,

all right. All right, fella. Woo. they're opening lines usually so I tell you he's a cunt and you're like alright alright fella let's keep it to the divorce court let's not bring it to an open spot it's just young people trying to have fun I've got five minutes of anger yeah what do you do if you're a comedian

what do you do if you're a comedian get a job in IT somewhere have you heard Dan he Yeah, he's gone through a nasty divorce and now he's an accountant giving up comedy. I think you buy a ukulele and start doing musical comedy.

Oh, I like it. You know I'm going to try it one day. I've got my ukulele. I'm going to be that prick like, she's a dick. Oh, she's a bitch. Yeah. I'm doing a bit of stand-up later after the podcast.

What? I am doing a short clip of material into the camera after this with all our podcasts set up, and I'm going to do it for the Stand Comedy Club. There's not many comedy clubs I would do non-audience comedy for but it's not streamed live it's a pre-recorded clip they want three to five minutes i can waffle try and be funny and if it's dog shit and i might i'm not having that i can stop it press play i'm gonna try it four what's the cut off in my head times. If I can't get the clip on the fifth time,

I'm just going to email Eva at the stand and be like, no, I can't do it. It's bullshit. It's just shouting into the ether. But I'm going to give it a go because they asked, and I really love the stand comedy clubs. They're a bit special. So I don't know how that's going to go.

I'm a bit... It was weird because I just jotted down the first version of a set list that I've done since the fucking last day of Rona, March the 15th, when I supported you on tour in Manchester, was the last time I did a set, where, what's it, nearly two months ago, seven weeks ago,

and I just wrote down a little bit of a set. Weird. I miss stand- up so much but i still don't miss it enough to do any of those to camera stand up bitch yeah i'm quite happy at the minute like i've had over the past week i've had quite a lot i've had like about 10 maybe 13 emails or facebook messages from people going, we're running a gig. Will you do something for us? Like what the stand I've asked you.

And I've just been really honest with all of them and gone, I can't be asked. I don't want to do that. But what I am looking for at the minute is all the podcasts and like chat shows to go on. Do you know what I mean? Because I want to, I want to plug this and get more people to listen to go on. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Because A, I want to, I want to plug this and get more people

to listen to our podcast because I think people who tend to listen to this stick around because it's good. And also I've got that special that's coming out in about a month.

Yeah. That I need to plug. So I do want to do some podcasts and mix it up because as of next week, we're cutting this back a bit by the way if anyone's listening to this and they're a bit surprised because they thought yesterday we were just

cutting to three episodes a week i'm not 100 sure we made it properly clear that starts next monday yeah we didn't make it we got so het up about why we were doing it and what we were doing we forgot to say we're not pulling the rug but i tried to make it clear on the description of the episodes and the tweet we put out but i don't think anyone fucking always reads that but yeah we're cutting down to that that new schedule in next start of next week so we didn't want everyone to be like well i needed six this week but i know what you mean i think i might feel i almost feel like i've gone too early with this but it's because the stand comedy club i think are one of the very best like they're up there it went hot water at the start of the shutdown said look this was to be fair it was a free hit they said do you mind

using if we use a clip to put like live stream i you think you'd be mental to be like no don't do that um if the frog the frog are talking about doing something the frog and bucket in manchester the stands there isn't a whole maybe the glee there isn't a load of other comedy clubs that i would that i would do something for but i i couldn't do live stream where people were up on zoom and i was like i I just, because if it doesn't work and I know it's not working, I don't want to see it. With this, I get to just have a few goes of doing a little monologue and trying to make it amusing. And if it's not good, I can stop the record and just go,

I can't do it. It's not going to work. I feel like this is my first little dummy run. But I think when we hit the new schedule, I think we will want to do more stuff. I think, Sneaky, we've really increased our tolerance for this online work stuff. So it's really good.

If we're doing cross-sort of podcasts, that'd be amazing. But right now, we haven't had time for it. I haven't had time for it up until this point. No not i've got um a few plans for some content i'm going to start putting out next week with the extra time i've got and there's another podcast by the way um that people should check out i've been a guest on it before it's called two vegan idiots and it's two absolutely hilarious lads carl donnelly and julian dean and carl got in contact with me yesterday, he wants me and you to both go on, on a single episode

so that we can talk about Have A Word and be guests on that, so keep an eye out for that because we'll talk about that in a bit Julian and Carl are so amazing as well oh dear we yeah it's weird I feel very strange, we got a comedy

question from someone. Ryan Joke, do you want to talk about comedy? Do you feel like you can talk about comedy, Adam? I am up for talking about comedy. We have got a question. I kind of like these. These pop up once in a while. Ryan Joseph emailed and he said,

Hi, Adam and Dave. Just wanted to say that the bits where you chat about the comedy industry are fascinating and every bit as good as the other stuff. In fact, it's led me to search out other comics on YouTube and I'm definitely going to have a visit to Liverpool for a night out at Hot Water Comedy Club when all this shit is over. I'd love to know how the process of developing material works for you.

Do you have purposely allotted hours where you sit thinking of something until it pops in your head or is it more spontaneous thing that that happens while you're shopping or watching telly i've always been in awe of comedians and would love to know more about the magic and how it happens loving the pod and i've listened from the start? A word as original. Spontaneous for me. Like, I don't sit and write ever. Very,

very, very rarely anyway. I don't go, right, this is writing hour and for this hour I'm writing jokes. I just don't do that.

I wait for things to happen to me or come to me head. I make a little note on my phone, which I did the other day. I've started making more and more, got more and more ideas coming to me for new stuff when I come back

and then I don't write any of my stuff out long form either I go on stage with the rough idea and I talk until it's funny and then try and remember what was funny and what wasn't record it, listen back to it. I do often record myself, but I very rarely listen back to it because I don't like my own voice.

The same reason I don't listen to the podcast back. I just try and go, that bit was funny, that worked, that never, that never. And that probably means that I probably lose some funny stuff because I forget it or I don't realize that I said it or whatever. Yeah, but usually you remember the funny stuff don't you that's the thing yeah like you instinctively people are that's such a shame you'll remember you'll forget all these really funny bits you're like yeah you really you remember the funny bits some bits can slip through the cracks but mainly yeah pre-edinburgh i listened

to myself a lot that's when because I just think there's so much new content being put together I I become quite attentive to that but usually I'm the same as Adam like I will record some stuff but it's rare that I'm in the mood because if you've just thought about a gig on the way to a gig then you've done the gig it's very rare that you're like right on the way home I'll fucking listen to the gig it's it can happen if it's if we've got a brand new bit that i'm bedded in but yeah that i speak to comics all the time and like yeah i sat down and did some amazing writing i'm like god i never do that it's just i think i'd end up throwing away bits that work if i did that you know if i listen back because i hate my own voice so much. And believe it or not, when it comes to my own stand-up,

I'm a bit of a perfectionist. And I know this sort of sounds counterintuitive, the way I'm saying I do it. But if I watch myself too much, I'll go, why do you say that like that? What are you doing it with that inflection for? Why are you doing it that way? What's that?

Like, I'm overly critical of it. So even bits that are killing and getting big laughs, I'll be like, why have you fucking said that like that? And it'll put me off wanting to do that joke again, even if it works. So I just try and remember what the audience enjoyed rather than what I enjoyed because I'd get too bogged down in it. Also, what works

for me and Adam, although to be fair, we've got quite a similar process, isn't right for someone else. So there is no, is no you know like anything you've just got to do what's right for you but i totally agree with the writing something out like verbatim right now long form i have done that in the past for edinburgh bits and you like it's amazing even after all the times of doing it i know i can tell which bits were written out obviously i know but you can see the difference you can see me reading something from a piece of paper in my head rather than retelling a story or articulating a thought it loses because comedy is by its nature quite

conversational especially our style it's story storytelling it's conversational it's observational if you write it down it it's it feels wrong it just feels wrong like when we're doing the podcast and we're reading something instantly it feels different you can hear a slight change i'm always aware of that for me like it's awful like i i hate it when i can tell a comic is reading a script in their head like that's why my favorite comics the ones we talk about if you watch their stand-up special if if you know nothing about comedy and you could let yourself forget what you know about it you'd go that's the first time he's ever said that yeah this is just coming to him now obviously we and anyone who's into comedy knows that if you put on a stand up special on Netflix he's said that

routine 200 times minimum before it goes on Netflix and he's said it the same way every night for however however long but I want to be able to suspend my belief when I'm watching a comic and be like this is just a person spilling their thoughts out

this is just them and another thing, I've just remembered this. Well, I know if I actually think about it, no, you haven't. You've worked on this and that's always what you say there. But I want to believe

when I'm watching a stand-up that it's possible that he's just gone to that as a tangent. When I know, when you can see a comic go, like bad segues, clunky segues, do my head in.

The ones that I sort of do on the podcast as a joke, where, like, we're talking about cars, and I go, well, speaking of wheels, let's have a word from Trans Alloy's. There's comics who do that in their stand-up. So they'll be like, yeah, so oh mom shut up speaking of mums and then they've got 10 minutes about their mom and it's like you don't need to do that all that does is make me go oh he feels he needs that because the next bit doesn't stand up cheesy it's cheesy it's bollocks over performed comedy it's well it becomes very hardened and polished and it works for maron it's weird the science of it i don't know what it is there's like

when you've got a thick audience who don't like stand-up or don't like you or aren't into it or just haven't watched comedy before that easy hardened well-trodden, polished stuff works better at corporates, at Christmas gigs, in front of Muppets. But a good crowd, who are actually there to see some stand-up, as soon as it gets too polished and perfect, and you know every breath and exhale and every bit of thing is just perfect and overdone, I think good crowds are like, like yeah it just feels a bit too fucking it's almost better to see a raw version of it that's only been done 10 20 30 times or 50 times which relative to some of the comics have been doing the same set for 20 years is nothing it's something magical about seeing the sparks come off a bit as you as you can tell like a comic

is having something occur to him or her mid-bit they're like oh fucking another thing like you can almost see them writing and tweaking with it on stage that i love that type of stand-up and that's what comes from writing on stage if you don't have everything perfect every time you say it you're developing it a little bit it's getting stronger you're working something out about it. There's an amazing, and it's on YouTube, an amazing I don't know what to call it, documentary chat podcast that isn't a podcast. It was done by HBO a few

years ago and it's a conversation between Ricky Gervais, Chris Rock, Jerry Seinfeld and Louis C.K. It's called Talking Funny. Now, I'm sure there's some people who listen to this like, I'm not watching anything with Louis C.K. I'm not because he's literally a wanker. And I get that.

But he's not going to get any money by you watching a pirated thing on YouTube. And it's worth it to just put your hatred famous out. And he's also, before you made a moral judgment because of what everyone else made a moral judgment about on Twitter, one of the greatest to ever do it, whether you think he's a fucking perv, whether you think he's a nasty piece of shit, doesn't stop the fact that he's fucking incredibly good at what he did.

And also, not to take it on a tangent too much, but there will be people in artistic history that you think are phenomenal that were way fucking worse sex pests you know what i mean if twitter was around when like beethoven was knocking about you never know like i know you i know you can't know but what he did in the grand scheme of things was pervy and horrible really but jesus christ the full cancel culture need to ease up a touch. Like when it came out that Kevin Spacey was a rat as well,

and there was people, like, snapping the usual Suspects DVD and off, and it's like, he's already been paid for that copy, you daft cunt. All you've done there is deprived yourself of one of the greatest films of all time. But that was a great special, that hour, it that was a great special,

that hour, it's just a TV show, but fuck me. Yeah, it's on HBO, and a lot of people, like a lot of comics, because Ricky Gervais divides opinion a lot

between stand-ups, doesn't he? And there's a lot of stand-ups who are like, why the fuck is Ricky Gervais on that panel? Chris Rock, Jerry Seinfeld,

Louis CK, and then that fucking Narbed. I'm actually a fan of a lot of ricky gervais's way i think he's done some stuff that i don't think is particularly good but i think on the whole i'd say that i'm a fan of a lot of what he's done well he actually put it together it was his idea that's why he's there and he he looks like an open spot compared to like three of the behemoths of american comedy and then then Ricky Gervais, who's been doing it sort of seven years.

But it's a really, really, really good thing. Well worth watching. And something Louis C.K. says in it rings true with me, and I think is very relevant to what we're talking about, is he says his jokes have like a fruit-like lifespan. So Jerry Seinfeld says to him how long does it normally take you to get a routine to be good like you know in the first month of doing it

it's not going to be as good as it is after six months and Louis CK says yeah you're right but it's like a piece of fruit to me in that it gets ripe and then it starts rotting a bit and I think people who subscribe to the source of ideologies of standup that me and you do, it works like that for all of us.

And that's why we throw jokes away or like put them on the internet and go, right, that's on the internet. Now I'm never saying that again because we get bored of them. The type of comedy you're talking about, which is the polished overperformed, which tends to come from people who are actors, who've got a background in dramatic acting or street performing or something like that.

The people who do that type of stuff, it doesn't rot for them because it's just the same as them reading something someone else has written in a playhouse. There's no rotting to it. Whereas the type of stand-up we're talking about, which is, it looks real. There's emotion in it. There's energy to it, it only really works if the audience believe what you're saying and buy into it. After you've said that a certain number of times,

you as a performer get bored of it, and because of that, it loses that real authenticity, the magic dust just fades away. The pixie dust is gone, and all of a sudden it's just very fucking well-timed words. Yeah, it's just very fucking well-timed words there. Yeah, it's such a good analogy that Louis uses there,

the ripening of the fruit. Jerry Seinfeld's from the old school, isn't he? He had the same set for 20 years. He's just from an older... And in British comedy, when I turned up, the first 10 years of me being about, everyone had the same set. You just had the same set. And it's funny, about 10 years ago was the

turn when some comics just couldn't change the fact that they never had new stuff and all of a sudden promoters were like yeah we like so and so but it's the same set we've got a regular audience and they've complained they've like yeah we liked it the first time we saw it five years ago adam me freddy loads of comics mick ferry just list the comics that turn their stuff over and it's annie mclaughlin i love just more house mcafree carl donnelly mark nelson kiri got new stuff like loads of loads of the comics so i'd say are the better comics in british comedy are now the i'm not saying if you come and see me, the entire set you'll have never seen. Because I do...

I recycle punchlines sometimes. Like, I'll have a punchline and a bit about this, and then I drop that bit after, like, a month because I don't like it, or it never got it to where I wanted it to be, or it doesn't fit in with what I'm saying at the time. But there's a couple of punchlines in it where I'm like,

they seem a waste to throw away, throw the baby out with the bathwater. So I just have a notebook, well, a notebook on my phone a couple of punchlines in it where I'm like, they seem a waste to throw away, throw the baby out with the bathwater. So I just have a notebook. I have a notebook on my phone a lot of the time of punchlines that I don't have a joke for yet. It's something that I really related to on Dave Chappelle special on equanimity. When he says,

yeah, he kicked him in the pussy routine. And what he's saying is I write jokes backwards. Isn't that so impressive? And I said to Jade, I pussy routine. And what he's saying is, I write jokes backwards, isn't that so impressive? And I said to Jade, I do that and I don't, I love Dave Chappelle, but I don't think that's necessarily impressive. Sometimes I have a punchline ready and I'm like,

I'll find where that belongs eventually. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just haven't got the story that that fits into yet. But when was our last gig? March 15th. If you saw me and Adam, adam march it's different for adam mine was basically just a set if you saw me march the 15th in 2020 and you saw me march 15th in 2019 you would see two not completely maybe there would have been some bits that you're like oh i know that bit i've got a cheese bit i've been doing

for eight years and i'm still not gonna drop it because i fucking love it it's the one line that just keeps surviving all this time but 90 85 of the set would be new and then the year before and the year before that we're talking without there's some comics who are like it's the it's the same 85 for 10 You're like, how are you still saying these words? Yeah, I don't get how they can do it. And a lot of them are like, oh, well, I haven't got anything to replace it with. This bit made us in a club.

I think my, blowing you in trouble a bit, my favorite routine I've ever had, the best thing I think I've written is my routine about Victoria's Secret's modelling thing. That's going to be on the special. I'm putting it out. It's gone.

I will never do it on stage again. It's my favourite bit. It kills. It does really well. People enjoy it. But I'm letting it go because I'm like, I'll be bored of it

by the time we do stand-up again. I don't want to go back to saying that. I need something new to say. You're like a foster parent. You let them go. I really love you and if I could keep you forever, I would, but I just I think you need to go and find

your own way. But Papa Adam, I've got two, three years left in me. With me out every now and then, please, just give me a run. put me in coach I'm ready I'll tell you what that was really good

when you turn up to a gig and all the other comics are like fucking hell you've got so much new stuff I've not seen any of that you're like because I've not worked with you

for 18 months get a fucking notepad out you douchebag and anyone who's going oh you don't write anything down mate I don't write things down

in terms of like writing them out like a script but I think you have to become a very organised oh, you don't write anything down, mate. I don't write things down in terms of, like, writing them out like a script. But I think you have to become a very organized thought. You have to be good at accounting for your thoughts. Like, what's just a loose idea? I reorganize my set all the time. I'm constantly in a notebook.

I'm never writing out the words of a joke, but the names of a joke. Like, fuck, maybe that'll go there. Shit, that's actually a good idea. Maybe, actually, that's the first half of it that could be the second half a bit and you sort of join two bits like i'm really in my notepad organizing and i wish i'd learned that earlier i asked you that question yesterday with that questions for your boyfriend what do you wish you'd learned earlier what did you learn too late i should have had my notepad or the notebook in my phone i should have been way more intoad or the notebook in my phone i should have been way more into that in the first five years i saw john richardson after we'd both been

gigging about two three years and i was sort of going on stage and doing what me and adam had done but without doing a lot of the notebook work and he was really in his own notebook and he was a million miles ahead of me i should have i should have that's definitely a tip if you're starting out and stand up be organized with your material and your thoughts because it helps you blood new stuff and get rid of old stuff and know which order your stuff's in the best order see i am i'm about to offer a contrary uh angle to that because especially in like december right when i do the hot water comedy club december run and you do two shows sunday monday tuesday wednesday and thursday and then friday you do four and saturday you do six at least sometimes seven and eight for that month i've maybe you're

doing 20 minutes sets and i've got about 30 minutes of stuff that I'm choosing from and doing a different... The strongest stuff. And sometimes I'll notice myself in one of my... Or even not in that run, if I've got a busy month at another time and I'm doing pretty much the same stuff every night because when you've got your set, it is your set for a bit and then you drop stuff and put new stuff in.

But let's say for a month period, I've got the exact same 20 minutes that I'm going to do 20 times this month on like day 11 I notice myself not performing it it's just I'm on autopilot and as soon

as I notice I'm doing it the next night I open with something different I just change the order completely because it's like I'm surprising myself. I don't know what I'm going to say next. So let's say I've got four routines and we'll call them, I don't know. Just A, B, C, and D.

It doesn't matter what I've got. A, B, C, and D. The next night, I'll go, right, I'm going to open with C. But when I start, I don't know what the next one's going to be. I'll get to the end of C and go fuck it let's do A let's do B and then B and then the night after that I'll do it in a completely different order as well

just because I'm trying to not know what I'm going to say as much as I possibly can that's advanced stand up by the way if you're thinking if you've just started stand up and you're four gigs in I'm like oh maybe I'll just write down the first one and then I'll just decide what I feel like for the others.

Adam's been going 10 years and you're never going to be gigging. It's going to take a long time. I can see the theory of that, but that's not early doors. A great idea to be like, Adam Rose said, because what you'll do is you'll do your first bit and then regardless of how well or badly it goes, you'll be stood on stage going, fuck you, Adam Rowe. What's the next bit?

See? Never listen to what I'm saying as advice. I'm not telling people to do this. I'm telling people what I do. Yeah, no, that's basically, that's advanced technique. Oh, that's basically advanced technique. Oh, that was good. That's actually got me kind of excited to do this little four minutes to camera.

I mean... I'm going to be depressed because I'm not going to get to do it properly live for another fucking year. All right, Adam's having one of them Debbie Downer days. Microphones have got Rona forever. I'm starting to worry, and I heard another comic say this the other day,

I'm starting to worry that when I go back on stage and get my first big laugh that I'm going to burst out crying. I'm 100% serious as well. I think, especially if this goes on to like November, December or January next, if it's nearly a year since I've done

stand-up and I've almost forgotten what the feeling of that rush feels like of 300, 400 people all laughing at something you thought of at once. When that first one comes, I'm really worried that I'm just going to go... I can't get it out of my head

because all you've had is your bell end podcast partner doing it Gary Frank and very good it's not the same it's going to hit you like a fucking tsunami in it mate it's not going to be that long before

you do stand up it might be that long before you're earning a decent wedge from stand-up, but that's not going to be your first gig back. Although 400 people, yeah, it might be that. The first gig back is probably going to be in September, and it's going to be like playing a very weird private party to 30 people who don't know each other. Oh

Jesus. It's Saturday night. You're in Liverpool. You're at hot water. And there's fucking 25 people miles apart like fuck me. Now then lids I want to tell you about Trans Alloy

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I'm going to these guys at Trans Ilo Wheels Limited when I'm gigging in Yorkshire, and I'm going to get them to sort out the alloys that are all scuffed up and fucked on my Volvo V40. So even if you've got a sensible dadmobile, or you've inherited your nana's banger, soup up the wheels, get them sorted. If you park like a bellend, get them tidied up, make them look smarter look smarter go the full hog get him jazzed up Get him glitzy get him gold. Just live your life through your alloy wheels They can add value to your car and make it look fucking smart They use the same techniques as the biggest car manufacturers and they offer powder coating diamond cutting painting new tires

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Trans Alloy Wheels Limited. Get them on Facebook, Inst facebook insta online the lot nice one lids i don't know about you but i'm feeling triggered it must be have a word with adam and dave all right my love let's do i know i ryan joseph by the way thanks for that man that was a really it's i know this is a comedy podcast where we're meant to just be doing comedy, but I fucking do love talking about some stand-up. I don't want to overdo it,

but a little bit of talking... Because talking to my other comedian mates now is difficult because all they want to do is pontificate on when we're going to gig again, like me and Adam just did briefly there. And that is not a great headspace to be in. So I think that's why comics are talking to each other less. But the actual joy of talking about the fun bits,

although it's a little bit melancholy at the moment because you're like, ah, shit, I want to do it. That's the bits that I think are still, it's our first love as much as I love this podcast. That fucking, that old stand up. Would you rather? Dan Evans. I like how your brain works.

Would you? Easy. Would you rather be named Adam Rowingale or Dan Naito? Would you rather be named Adam Rowingale or Damn Naito? I think Damn Naito

sounds like the worst superhero of all time. It sounds really like an old Damn Naito. They're Damn Naitos. Damn Naitoo you better put that knife down or I'm gonna call the police really low budget super

hitter movie they're both really shit names you are? they're both really shit names but I love how Dan Evans has gone that is a fact let me just think about he spent time on that email going um yeah let me just where where's the halfway point do you know anyone who's done the sort of amalgamated name when they've got married

i know a few douchebags that have tried it they've gone well it's a really it's part of the patriarchy that i take your name uh and it's it represents ownership of a husband over a wife, and I will not, we won't entertain it. So we're going to take half of your name and half of my name and amalgamate it and have a... That's not a real thing. Adam, Adam. They double barrel it, but they don't combo.

Yes, they do. People do this. Maybe not in fucking South Liverpool, but this is a modern, modern douchey done thing they take now they took was mate there's no point dinging it it happens i know people it's not but like i'm honestly not doing this for comedy this genuinely does happen you you're gonna have to accept that i'm not lying because there's no... I'm genuine.

It's annoying. It's not what I'm into. So we joked about it before we got married that it would be, for me and Laura, she was Laura Ross. It would be Rossingale. Or Nitros, which is... Really gay, isn't it?

Daniel Nitros! DJ. nitros which is really gay in it daniel nitros dj and also my middle name's james so my initial would be dj nitros and i'd need a residency in bahrain because that's the level of douche you're like dj nitros manama every friday saturday lithuanian women crying in the corner what's go on did you see the email we got earlier because I don't know whether you've seen this and I'd like to ask you it give us one sec

it's Nitros waits for no one DJ Nitros I'm warming to that you know I'd love a residency in Bahrain Hi Dave and Adam What would be your wrestling name and your special move

What would it be called Well that was my next question Was it really I've set it up old boy Set it up I've got one for you Have you thought about it Oh I've got one for you. Have you thought about it?

Oh, you've got one for me? Go on. Because you're bald, aren't you? And you've got your glasses. Yeah, but I can't wear my hat in the ring, can I? I only just get away with wearing it in fucking comedy. So I think you should be called Stone Cold Steve from Accounts. So I think you should be called Stone Cold Steve from Accounts You fucking prick I think Stone Cold's too hard

I think it should be Luke Warm Hello, you alright? Steve from Accounts Steve from Accounts Hello I'm a wrestler. Please no moves towards the face. I am wearing spectacles.

I think you'd be the Eskimo. Why? Because you've got the hairy thing and you've got that heat. You sleep naked even in the winter, which you've said several times on this podcast. You're up to two or three times going, if it's fucking snowing outside,

I've got me little dick and balls, I've got me hairy little arsehole, I'll fucking sleep in the snow. And it always makes me think you're part Yeti, part fucking Eskimo. The Yeti. The Yeti. I can't think of anything else.

The fucking Yeti I can't think of anything else The fucking Yeti What would your finishing move be? The fucking Oh he's gonna do the fucking He's doing the ice cube He's doing the ice cube The blizzard What's the blizzard?

Just fart And piss on you What the fuck how did you make in my head that was the WWF then we were in like an arena in South Carolina

and your finishing move is going like excuse me I'm going to have to get to the radiators please has anyone got a these need bleeding these la it's fucking complicated He's going like, excuse me, I'm going to have to get to the radiators, please. Is anyone going to... These need bleeding, these, la. It's a fucking complicated, complicated finishing move. I love how you've just shown your age again, by the way. It hasn't been the WWF since the fucking turn of the century.

I know, but that was when it was good. That was when it was really good. When the characters were racist, you know, I always, I just, you know, Have you seen that clip of Vince McMahon with John Cena and the black wrestler? No, but

I want you to tell me about it so much. I can't even tell you, my heart hurts. I'll send you the clip. So it starts, Vince McMahon walks up to John Cena and goes, what's good in the hood? And John Cena goes, you know,

just keeping it real. And Vince McMahon, the white apparent owner or whatever of the WWE, goes, well, keep it up, my, and then says the N word.

And then it follows him as he walks past the black wrestler and the black wrestler goes, he did not just say that. Do you think Vince McMahon genuinely wanted to have that as his character name? Vince, we've got a new guy coming, Deshawn, he's a really talented athlete.

I think he's going to be brilliant in the wrestling. Obviously, we want to come to you for the character name. And Vince McMahon's like, I've got a great idea. Here comes the money. Hear me out. I want you to be called. My. No, no, not allowed.

Oh, God. What would your finishing move be? Probably me in the fetal position. Reporting them to HR. Right, yeah. I'm going to get you a written warning. Oh, here comes Steve the accountant with the industrial tribunal. Oh!

And I've got like a little stamp, a little stamp on my elbow. As I go in for the elbow smash, it stamps like sexual harassment on the fucking P45. You all right, Adam? You need a coffee? Where's the coffee?

Have a little cheeky beer? An alcohol-free Heineken. Oh my God. No more vegetables in anything. You're not doing ISIS al-Qaeda banter properly. You're drinking alcohol-free fucking... Ooh. Oh, dear.

Nice. What a fucking... Vagina. What's wrong with an alcohol-free beer? Oh, what is... V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V- Blue Heinekens in the fridge? Oh, for fucking blueies. You fucking blueies. Um, hang on. I forgot that it was... It was me. I like that you picked out the thing that I picked out.

That was good. Just a little bit of... We're on the same page. Got a break up. I think next week... You what? I think next week, I should do all the middle bits and you should take over the Havowords for a bit.

Oh! Oh! Fucking yes, mate! Abso-bloody-lutely. Let's do it for a month. Because this middle section is technically defo more of a ball lake than Havoword. Especially when you're like, yeah, I'm not enjoying this one.

Next one, I'm like like do you know something has just sprung into my little tiny mind adam when we were talking about new material do you keep notebooks from back in the day or do you just not have you got no notebooks no i do keep them but um i very rarely look at them i really think. I'm just floating it. You don't have to say yes or no. I think we should float the idea of just getting an old notebook and just opening a random page,

dropping a pen and explaining the bit. Okay, I'll try and find some. I can't guarantee I'll be able to find them. Fucking notebook lotto. Let's see what 24-year-old Dan thought was going to make him a famous comedian and clearly fucking didn't. You make notes on your phone.

Yeah, sometimes, yeah. But I don't know where the phone is. Some of them are fucking... So here's one note stuff to joke about is the title of the note as you can see and it's just got go fund me that's the kind of one

that if you leave in there too long you'll definitely forget what and you know there's the show set list where they put up random words that should be a set list and they make comics ad lib what that bit of comedy could be. And it's always like, hmm, otter trumpet. No bit in the history of stand-up has ever been called otter trumpet.

But GoFundMe is randomly the name of a bit of material. It's conceivable that comics do have a bit called GoFundMe. I would love to hear you riff on GoFundMe. of a bit of material it's conceivable that comics do have a bit called go for me and then they i would love to hear you riff on go fund me the the reason i haven't written any of that is there's an american comic called tim dylan who has done has taken it where i wanted to take it oh and you've seen the bit you've seen the bit seen the bit now yeah um i hadn't seen it when i had the idea but then i told amazing man's a man i've got this idea for a bit about go for me and he was like have you seen tim dylan's bit and i like tim

dylan i follow him yeah he's so fucking funny funny guy yeah he's he's on your mom's house yeah i love it when stand-ups do that i watch chris brooker who's a comedian who's been on the circuit for years started a couple years before me and he's a he's a nice bloke but he's i once saw him try and do the uh alanis morissette ironic bit by like totally taking to bits the whole song i'm like it's it's not ironic 10 000 spoons and all you need is a knife and i was at the back going oh for fuck's sake chris he got off i thought the uh the alanis morissette bits knew i thought it went quite well i was like it's ed burns when ed burned it it's ed burns most famous bit of material it literally made ed burn famous in the late 90s it's so famous that i know the bit from before when i did stand up and he was like

oh so annoying i'm like how do you that's like someone going on stage going i'll tell you what was crazy is imagine if your dad was like garlic bread you'd be like yeah dad garlic bread's completely normal and your dad was going that seems mental to me garlic on bread i don't get it and then you'd be like dad oh god that new bit on garlic bread's working really well the audience were a bit confused there's two types of black people there's black people then there's and then there's vince mcmahon wrestling characters oh jesus here's another nose i've got for you i love it adam's really good i was worried that i was floating an idea before checking it with him and i love it how adam's gone this is good let's do this brilliant we've got a new feature and we're dying for a new feature the old fucking

notebook lotto yes mate the internet hasn't made people angry. We're always angry when there's no risk of being punched in the face. Brackets, road rage. I honestly, I'm not joking, it would take me a while, I could find within a worrying margin of error, a part, I never wrote the internet,

I didn't even see the internet as part of the bit, the exact same fucking idea. Where everyone's fucking brave when they're encased in metal and glass and driving around at 30 miles an hour that's why british people are all pussies on a pavement like sorry sorry sorry and get behind the wheel of a car and the psychos it's the same thought i fucking love it here's another one every group of people wants to be a minority now. That's it.

The whole thing. I don't want you to do it on the pod. Looking forward to hearing it. Looking forward to your version of it, Freddie's version of it. It's exciting. Can we do that? Well, we've run out of time. Listen, I've got a breakup story that i was gonna do we'll do it tomorrow um i i'm fully on board with you taking over the old middle sections

and i feel like we might have a little random little check your shitty notebooks i think it's funny funny let's look at Adam going through his notes. One more before we go. Just because of how stupid it is, McDonald workers want £15 an hour and people are saying, if you're against that, you think you're better than them. Yeah, I do.

I've got a fucking degree. I haven't. You're not just a prick, you're a lying prick. Oh, funny as fuck. Let's have a word from either Lightweight or Vox or Studio. Stop doing that. You don't know which one it is.

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Nice one, lads. I don't know about you, but I'm feeling triggered. It must be Have A Word with Adam and Dave. Adam! Shut up! Disgusting! Shut up! Upset me, nasty bitch!

I hadn't used any of the buttons or pods so I just wanted to get some out of my system so I like this

first one I've got two we'll see how far we get with the first one and maybe the other one goes to tomorrow anyway I like this first one

because he wants us to have a word with someone before they've done anything wrong good i love a preemptive have a word so he's called it lads i want you to have a pre-word oh any anytime someone says pre anything in my head it's pre-cum which I think for some reason is so I don't know I think pre-cum is just such a gross concept of like you're such a perv alright lads

cheers for keeping me sane in this shit show I'm going back around again in episodes now while working from home because I'm getting through a frankly unhealthy amount of have a word pods it actually won't be long until I've caught back up again. Christ almighty. He's about to lap us.

Like the one kid that was good at cross-country at school. Graham topping. Have I told you about the time I finished second to last in cross-country and my mum bought me a Maccies to celebrate. Because the year before, I finished dead last. So it was still an improvement. Here you are, lad.

Here you are, lad. You've done really well. You've done really well. And it wasn't that I'd like caught up to the next guy. We had a new kid in the school who was fat-ass-matic and his parents were getting a divorce. Like, he couldn't give less of a shit about this fucking race. And I beat him and mum was like,

you deserve nuggets. Fuck me. The only reason you weren't last was because some kid was, like, having a fucking asthma attack while sweating and crying halfway on the fucking run. And there's your mum who's essentially part of the problem you've done

so well you know what's really bad as well it was close were they actually at the finishing line or was it later that's one of the most working class Adam stories ever just her with a happy meal waving it at the finishing line or is it later? That's one of the most working class Adam stories ever. Just her with a happy meal, waving it at the finish line.

Go on, love. Keep going. Keep going. Oh, my head's getting like hot so I've had to take the headphones off but I'm still here. All right, lads.

Cheers for keeping me sane in this shit show. I'm going back around in episodes, blah, blah, blah. Anyway, I need you to have a pre-word with the missus before the end of lockdown. She's been moaning about needing a haircut. And last week she got so fed up with her hair,

she asked me to cut her a fringe. I know. Safe to say I fucked it up. And she cried and laughed but mainly cried and I was in tears at how good my handiwork was however as much as she's joking about how

fucking ridiculous it looks now I know that once the shutdown is over this is going to be a stick to beat me with when we actually start telling people what I'd done so I have a word with her now before it's too late. So what he's saying is he's cut his wife

a dodgy fucking barnet. And at the minute she's like, it's really funny, isn't it? You've cut me shit here. But now he's worried that after the shutdown she's going to be going to her friends going, this fucking dickhead cut me here. I made it look fucking stupid. Well, don't... what's his name what's his name

um oh he also says ps looking forward to the next beer 52 delivery i tried the fairy case and even though i'm a lager man they were top notch so i'm keeping a subscription i think his name's andy but i haven't copied it over oh man, man. You do not need to worry. She could tell the whole world. She could go online. She could go to her fucking mams. She could tell all her friends and it will be unanimous. Maybe not to her face

but definitely behind her back that she's the bellend because she gave her boyfriend or husband scissors and went, ER, er babe cut my fucking fringe his name's jake harvey by the way sorry for calling you andy you are you are absolutely guilt-free in this that would be like me going i tell you what i'm absolutely fuming with etta my three-year-old daughter i let her drive to the shop she fucking crashed the car at the end of the

drive no one's going to be like, oh, I tell you what, Dan, she's a real dick about that, isn't she? She won't really let you down driving a Volvo V40 into a tree at three years old. You are absolved of all fucking guilt here, Jake. It's ridiculous.

As soon as she picked up the scissors, she should have been like, am I on glue? What the fuck am I doing I think I need a haircut talking of fringes oh my god the yeti that's how you should come out when you're in WWE you should come out

like that just before you piss ice cubes as you're finishing move the blizzard oh my god you look fucking Moroccan what's going on have you got a bit of foreign in you have you got a little bit of foreign Oh my God, you look fucking Moroccan. What's going on? Have you got a bit of foreign in you? Have you got a little bit of foreign?

No, but... Are you sure? Are you sure? Are you sure you're not like a terrorist sleeper? Because you look fucking... If someone said, oh, Adam Rowe's half Afghani, I'd be like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like a quarter Irish or something like that. I think

my dad's my, I was Irish. But when I was in school, we had a school project, which was to find the heritage of your surname and then create a family shield

with the colours of like with colours that related to the heritage and I didn't do any research and then just invented that I was from South African descent so the family shield I made was the South African row shield

and and my teacher bought it oh you're the only kid with nelson mandela on his family shield i want to live in a world where a man and a woman can live together oh my god that was quite a good impression your impressions are dog shit and that's i was like that's not bad do it again a man and a woman can live together that's south african descent sorting you out there innit? What a random thing for a Scouse kid to decide he wants to be. Going to be South African.

Because it's believable. And she was like, yeah, look at him, he's from somewhere. I don't think she actually bought it. I think what happened was, like, as we know now, because a lot of our friends, a lot of our colleagues are former teachers. And when you're a kid, you think your teacher cares so much about you and your life and who you are and your future. Teachers largely fucking hate children

because they're bored shitless. That teacher was like, fucking daft cunt him. Thinks he's from South Africa. Also, it's just a whole class of like, yeah, my family is from Irish heritage. My dad was Scottish. She's like, oh, someone just makes something up.

Hello, my name is Adam Rowe. I am originally from... Newcastle. Newcastle, up one time. I'm from Geordie descent. Mate, that's a pod. Call it. Let's wrap a bow on it.

That was a beauty. Try and rummage out some notebooks. So what we're saying to Jake's missus is, we're not having a weird, but yeah, tell whoever you want, because you're going to look like the knobhead anyway. Yeah. Go down to a fucking monastery,

speak to the brothers there, and go, lads, do you think he was a dick? They'll be like, well, you've got the same fucking haircut as us, love. You know why? Because you let your boyfriend cut your fringe, you absolute bell and pot. Just before we do the song, I just want to say a proper

thank you to the overwhelming support we got after yesterday's announcement. We got a lot of tweets, a lot of messages. We got a chunk of you signing up to the Patreon so that you now get your extra episode every week on the Wednesdays and overwhelmingly positive and happy.

We're so, so grateful for the amount of you that listen to this, share it with your mates and constantly support us. We fucking love you. That ended the day so much because the tea time was a little bit stressy. I edited the podcast. I forgot to put the Patreon names on the end of it someone

tweeted and went you've missed it off and i put it back on this morning so if your episode doesn't have the patreon names on you like where are they re-download the episode they are there i was just all flappy because of the power cut and everything by the time me me and laura sat down to watch ozark me and adam were whatsapping each other going how fucking nice are some of these tweets i really really appreciate because we were worried that we were changing the schedule and people were going to be annoyed i don't know why because we feel responsible but it was so nice to get the kind words that we got also i don't know whether you've seen this but yesterday you know the magazine nme the music magazine yeah so

yeah they put a tweet out saying what's your favorite podcast you've discovered recently and there was about 180 in the end replies to it and over 60 of them were our fans one of the biggest magazines in the world a third of the replies to Watch Your Favourite Podcast was from Havowit. Fucking brilliant. Phenoms, right? Got a song for you. Today's artist is called Adam Golightly. I assume that's how I pronounce it.

G-O-L-I-G-H-T-L-Y Facebook and YouTube are both Adam Golightly Music. This song is called Woman in Black. Thanks as always for listening and supporting us. And we will see you all tomorrow. Come on baby Be my bulletproof vest Settle down now

I won't detest I won't hurt you With your virtue Sacrifice a life for your love Woman in black You let me down, down again So rest my lazy head on your soul Don't discourage me Like you don't care

Set my best To your loneliness Believe me when I tell you I'd never run from the truth Woman in black You let me down and down again So rest my lazy head On your soul Believe me when I tell you I never run from the truth.

Oh, woman of black, you let me down and down again So rest my empty head I'm a sore woman in black Dress up your heart to get away Forget your ego, hide, come back around Thank you.