Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #51 Shutdown Pod (VIA ZOOM) -w/Adam & Dan

Episode Date: May 6, 2020

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See you in a bit Fucking did it in one take bro Yeah man Now I'm getting the word Nuts Cha Upset me

Nasty bitch Catch me outside How about that I'm big bonded I'm heavy structured I'm hung low If I pull my shit out this whole room, get dark. Disgusting!

It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel like podcasting. With video on YouTube, on social media, at Have A Word Pod, you're listening to the funniest podcast in the game. Have a word. Shut down dailies. Let's get through this mess together oh oh oh jesus i wondered where you were going with that oh it went it sounded like the start of that oh baby i love you every day oh i want to be with you night and day how has your day been? Yeah, pretty fucking good.

I tell you what, sneaky, my brother-in-law going back to Sheffield has just made the grooves of how you deal with a day when Laura's working, nine till two, I've got Etta. I can't do anything else. It's just me and her. We can twat around. I can do a job if she's willing to be in the vicinity. As soon as she goes, Dad, I'm not doing this. I i'm fucking off not having an argument with a three year old so we just i've been doing little bits when sam was here i was like right mate you're on etta duty let me do this fucking job for an hour and a half but because he's 25 he's like oh i was

just on the phone and and then you'd see etta wandering and then she'd just trip into something because they're a moron they're morons three-year-olds and they don't know how to work fucking gravity and then he comes through like but it it's just easier to be like this is what i'm fucking doing so as soon as laura finished at two she tags in and then i get to do jobs that is start don't get me wrong i couldn't do that for eternity but for now it's weirdly like it's simple just get on with it that's how we're dealing with the day so yeah pretty good pretty good how was your day because you've never i've just a little peek behind the curtain adam was like mate can you just prep the show today and i'll do tomorrow's

and i didn't ask why i was just like absolutely i'll prep the show today and I'll do tomorrow's? And I didn't ask why. I was just like, absolutely. I'll prep the show. I'm just assuming you've not had the most fun day of your life. I woke up pissed off. Right. You know when you just wake up in a mood. It happens to me maybe once a year normally. And I just woke up like

and I didn't even have a particularly bad sleep I've had about eight hours didn't remember waking up throughout the night so it's not like I've had a disturbed sleep and I just woke up in a in a bit of a funk to about five messages from

me going I think we should do this what do you think we should do this because I've been up at seven and i've got a fucking can of monster so i'm like adam i know it's caught by day you just answer this when you get up and i i realized i saw your response and i was like yeah adam wasn't in the mood for them adam wasn't in the mood for waking up to them it wasn't even just that because i had about four or five messages from you about three from my dad there's three whatsapp groups that i'm in and they've all gone fucking mental this morning with different things and I just woke up to a load of shit and I was like

no, no, no today can fuck off and then I was like right, get downstairs in a minute and then I even said to Jade, I was like babe, will you do me a favour? Will you just go and make me some toast? Please and God bless her, she did she made me a cup of tea and

some toast did she sensed it she was like usually i'd be like suck my balls make your own toast but she's like there's something his aura needs carbohydrate and then i i had my breakfast and then i was sat there and i was like all right i'll have a coffee in a minute and then i'll go and prep today's episode and then you'd ask me what time you want to do it today and I was like, let's do four o'clock, which is pretty much our normal time. And then I noticed myself feeling a bit better and I was like, do you know what? If we do four o'clock, then I'll probably be fine.

But if we wait till five, if I push it back, I'll probably be on form by then. I'll feel all right. Nice. So I was like, right, push it back to five so you're in a decent mood. It sort of worked. I'm in a better mood than I was an hour ago. And I asked you to prep

the episode because I was like, I just want to fucking do nothing for a couple of hours. Yeah. And if Dan can do that and take care of it and I can do tomorrow's, I reckon tomorrow I'll be back. Mojo back, I'll be sound. But I've just woke up in a fucking mood and I think I've ruined any progress I made. Not any progress, but something. Because I've in a fucking mood and I think I've ruined any progress I made. Not

any progress, but something. Because I've spent a lot of time just sat down on social media and it's just getting a bit fucking draining looking at all the same fucking miserable shit. Yeah. And then there's a load of fat people fucking whinging at Adele at the minute because she's lost a load

of weight and that's fucking How dare you, Adele? I like your music, Pius. Now you've left me alone in Fat Club. Come on. I just put a tweet out. There's nothing funnier than fat people moaning at former fat people

for not being fat anymore. It's like if you're a fan of a fucking shit football club like Carlisle and Barcelona offer you Star Striker, a fucking move to La Liga and the Champions League, and you're like, what's he going there for? Does he not want to play for Carlisle forever? No, he's realised he's better than you.

He should stay in Rotherham. He should stay in Rotherham. There's nothing wrong with it. I mean, you've got easy access to Sheffield and the medal-winning Champions League. What the fuck do you need Barcelona for? Oh, fucking hell. Yeah.

So Adele's put this photo up on Instagram for her birthday or something, and she's lost even more weight than she had a few months ago. And she looks fucking amazing. And loads of people are rightly commenting and sharing the photo going, oh my God, doesn't Adele look amazing? And there's all these fucking professional

fat people. And we're like, well, I don't think we should be tying beauty in with thinness because you can be fat and be beautiful. And you know what? You can. You can be fat and be beautiful. I'm not saying there's no beautiful fat people, but what I'm saying is

most people look a little bit better if they lose a few pounds. Adele looks better than she did a few years ago, and you're allowed to stay as fat and ugly as you want. That's what it is. It's fat people feeling like their way of life is being threatened. Are they going to make us all go to the gym and eat salads and stuff? No! You can eat

as much shit as you like and get as fat as you want for the rest of lockdown. No one's saying you can't but don't expect me and every other cunt on the planet to pretend you look as good as Adele now does because you fucking don't, okay? Be as ugly as you want within the walls of your

own fucking house. Also, let people lose weight or put it on if they fucking want. I used to love Adele and I think it's real. If anyone is is taking that tack then they need to fuck off i can't believe she's lost weight i don't like her as much fucking hell you should be able to pay it on or lose it as you see fit if that's why you like to dell you weren't a real fan in the fucking first place and just because someone else goes you look amazing well done for weight, that's not slagging you off personally.

That's someone just congratulating Adele on something she's clearly wanted to achieve. She tried to set out to lose weight. It's not just everyone who's lost weight we're going to congratulate. It's Adele going, I want for me, for my health, for my kids, for my whatever, self-perception, I want to lose weight.

If she'd lost it because they'd found like a tumor, no one's going to go on Twitter going, well done on the AIDS, you know? You've done, honestly, you look fantastic. It's because she's tried to achieve something, and she has, but people take it personally. Because you're saying she looks amazing, you're saying I look like a big fat pig.

There's some beautiful fat A's, there's some beautiful rotunds. I love a lady that's thicker than a snicker i don't want skinny bony but you can't attack adele for achieving something something she wanted to achieve or anyone congratulating her it's more the fact that she set out to do something and fucking done it it's not about you you fucking get a decision to remain fat every time you have something that you know puts weight

on you, a Chinese takeaway a pizza, a load of fucking chips every time you do that, you're making a decision and you know who else is doing it? Me and that's why I can speak from a position of authority on this because I'm a fat ugly cunt and it's my fucking fault, it's no one else's fault

and I've lost weight before, I lost three stone a few years ago and I look fucking gorgeous mate, I look fucking wonderful and I used that time to find a beautiful woman, I got her, made her fall in love with me and then I put all the weight back on because now she loves me too much to fucking leave me, okay? That's

how you do it. That's the way of the jungle. And then you go back to who you really are you make yourself look as good as you possibly can you get them emotionally committed and then you get to the cake shop yes and you pay for the cake i know i don't look great love but i put these on the debit card love it there's a there's a girl's a girl who lives not far from ours. So my barber that I go to regularly,

who I don't go to at the minute and I'd fucking love to because my hair's a mess. His cousin has started their own bakery, like making cakes and stuff. Yeah. And a few months ago,

I went for an air court and he went, lad, if I give you some, if I give you six free brownies, will you just do a couple of posts on Instagram and stuff and tell people to order some cakes off our Olivia?

Yeah. And I was like, of course I will. Yeah. They're fucking amazing. Right. They're wonderful. So I got a free box of first,

but I've ordered like five other boxes since then. Yeah. Keep going back to her. Jade, who is now a vegan. Um, the, the brownies are not vegan,

but every now and then Jable let herself have a little trees. And a couple of weeks ago, she was like, those brownies are really good but every now and then jay will let herself have a little treat and a couple of weeks ago she was like those brownies are really good but and he just was just like if they're in the house i'll eat them so let's try and not have them in the house as much as possible and i was like okay cool but i'm like do you know what i could just keep fattening you up and then you'll get fatter and you'll get fatter and not only will you be like oh i can't have a go at adam for being fat because i'm already fat, so it's all fine. Also, you won't have the confidence to leave me when I become enough of a dickhead into your head. When you inevitably tire of my bullshit,

you'll be like, oh, I want to leave, but the battery on my fat person mobility scooter's run down. Yeah, mate, there's nothing wrong with chubbing out when you're in love. That's part of the fucking deal i've got two portions of my wardrobe i've got stuff that currently fits me and stuff i've bought ambitiously in case i ever have to get thin again the aspirational section what happens is i go to town and like i'll be looking for like a new jacket or something and the large will be

like a little bit too tight but the extra large will be like a little bit too tight, but the extra large is like maybe a little tiny bit too big. So what I do is I go, right, I'll get the large because that'll make me lose a bit of weight over the next few months. And then I'll eventually be able to put that large on and I'll be like, do you know what? I remember when I bought this, this was tight, but now it fits great and it'll make me feel good. And then what happens is I come home i put it in the

wardrobe for a bit about three months later i try it on it fits even worse than it did in the first place and then i come for tea to make myself feel better fucking vicious i think i i because i've been thin like people do congratulate you i lost weight properly lost weight about four years ago and ended up going from about 15 stone to 11 and you did like a juice plus thing though didn't you yeah i did the cambridge weight plan and i'm a plan yeah it's basically a posh expensive version way of saying fucking slim fast yeah and i you lose two stone and everyone's like oh my god like you're down to 13 then you get down to like 12 and a half 12 and people like you look amazing and then i got to 11 and and my sister was just i hadn't

seen her for a couple of months and she went fucking hell oh oh no christ almighty your head looks too big for your fucking body oh and i saw deliso shonda who's uh only the only african comedian we know and he was like wow if you were african i'd just assume you had hiv that's how much that's how much weight you've lost uh yeah and then i all that time i knew i was working on it i was jogging i was doing well i was fucking it was all going in the right direction i knew i was working on it i was jogging i was doing well it's fucking it was all going in the right direction so when i was buying clothes i was like no i'm gonna go well shit fucking top man small is different from a burton small i'm gonna get a top man small and see if i can because i knew that's where i was going and for the last three years it's just been

going the other way and when i shop i'm doing the opposite of you i'm just like i know this is only going one way at the moment i don't know when it's gonna stop but i'm i did a little close-up have you ever used eminem direct they're like a bit like sports direct but hopefully not as douchey and they just do i don't know i'm not bothered about labels but they do like good quality material like t--shirts, like four quid or whatever. It seems to be stuff from a couple of years ago that was probably never that fashionable, but I like it.

For 70 quid, you can end up with like five, six tops. Just, I ordered it. There was a bit of me thinking, should I get medium? I was like,

not in this fucking lockdown, Dan. If you want to wear it in this lockdown, just get fucking large, except where this is going. So I've just got large and everything fits and it's when that shit stops fitting that i might have to change my ferry ways a couple of months ago um when i did my liverpool tour date i was filming it

and i was like i want to just wear a black hoodie i just want a plain black car heart hoodie and i ordered one uh online for next day delivery via Amazon prime. Yeah. I ordered XL cause I was like, I'll get it and it'll be a bit baggy. Cause Carhartt sizes tend to be quite generous. A lot of them. It was very,

very, very generous to the point where I couldn't wear it. And I had to go to the shop on the way to the gig that night to buy a different black hoodie to wear on stage. The, the massive one that I bought, I've been fucking living in it because it's still about a size and a half too big but when you've got no one to impress and

nowhere to go a fucking oversized hoodie that i've slept in it i've slept in it and got up the next day kept it on literally all day not got a shower or a bath and slept in it again i'm literally living in this hoodie it's amazing yeah but that's a lot or a bath and slept in it again. I'm literally living in this hoodie. It's amazing. That's the lockdown rules, isn't it? The one day I wore a shirt and I had a reason I wore it. As soon as we got on the Zoom, you were like,

what the fuck? What are you in a fucking collar for, you fucking nonce? You were straight on it. What is it, your court day for being a fucking nonce? Oh, sorry. Just is it your core day for being a fucking nonce um sorry it's just what just one sec i need to just double check this name i think it's andrew morris i got a tweet before it's just dead important that i meant to um i told him i'd try and remember for the podcast okay good it's a little bit worried that i

shouted nonce and you went oh let me just yeah andrew morris yeah you'll see why though his name's andrew morris it's andy morris 85 andi morris 85 on twitter um he just tweeted me and said all right love it's my birthday today could you call dave and nonce for me please cheers so you're a nonce lad noncey fucking Dave happy birthday Andrew I did it for you he'd probably listen up until that point going oh Adam's just like on the sly told him to call himself a nonce this episode for me

no I've just done it I know which bit of banter fucking butters my bread these days yeah fucking good on you, Adele. You do what you want, love. Adele looks amazing. You know what?

Adele from, I saw this tweet where there's three Adeles. There's the one from like, you know, like, hello, it's me. She looked amazing then. She looked amazing then. And then there was one from, I was chasing payment. Oh, whatever it was, the first album. And I was like, shit, she did not look good then. That is, you know, the Cambridge weight plan

that I was talking about in the Slim Fast. You know, the before and after picture. That's the fucking before picture. Like, here I am. That was, yeah. I mean, whatever. It's not about size. Fucking some, there's some ugly, unattractive,

thin, healthy people. Some fucking rotten looking twats who are in a size eight. You know what I mean? It's nothing about that. One of my favourite porn stars, what's she called? I can't remember what I called her. She's thicker than a Snickers. Love it, mate. I love it.

I think it's sexy a bit of me. I worry. Yeah, but there's a's sexy a bit of me. I worry. Yeah, but there's a difference between a bit of me and being a fat twat. Do you know what I mean? There's a difference between having it, like,

not being ripped and all, like, skinny or whatever, and being a fucking beached whale. There's a difference between those two things. Some people are into it, though. Some people are into it. There's a whole,

is it the BBW? Where you're like, some people are into it, though. Some people are into it. There's a whole... Is it the BBW? Where you're like... Some people are. And look, I'm not here. I'm not here to slag off people with a mental illness. I'm not going to do that, Dan. So I'm not going to go into that, okay?

What I'll say is that there's certain things that being that big has to be true about you for you to be that big. And nothing summarizes this better. We've mentioned a few times on this that I'm into like rap battles. There's an American guy called Roan,

R-O-N-E, and he battled another American guy called Big T. And his third round, Big T is enormous. I love his name. And Roan is like quite a fit lad from Philadelphia, right?

And in his third round, he like, because obviously in battle rap, if you battle on someone who's fat, you'll do the odd fat joke, but he took fat jokes to a whole new level and criticized him as a human being for five fucking minutes. It's

brutal, and I'm telling you right now, you'll love it. I'll send you the clip later and I'll tweet it on the Havoware account. Roan versus Big T. Roan's third round. Roan could have not said anything for the first two rounds of that battle. And with his third round alone, would have won 3-0. Oh, Jesus.

I'd love to get massive though. Do you know what I mean? If you're going to do it, you might as well fucking properly do it you know what I mean like I mean if you're gonna do it people are like I'm a bit fat I'll bore off get fucking massive get so fat

it becomes a disability that's how fat you wanna be where the government are like fuck me you are so big you need a check that's I would love I wanna get meat would love, I want to get Meteor as far, I want like documentary crews in. That's how far I want to get. Yeah, right there, right.

Where have you gone to? I'm trying to get this, the lyrics up for the third round of Rowan against Big T because I want to read some of them out to you because it's fucking unbelievable. Oh, God. You ready? Yeah. So I worried they'd paint me simply

if fat jokes were all I'd bring for Big T, but this is the first really fat guy I've battled, so this is big for me. I mean, these fat jokes are mad heavy. You might get mad at me. I might lose all my fat friends. Oh, wait, I don't have any. So if regular fat people wear big tees with their bathing suits,

you take it to the next level and probably bathe in suits. I mean, I'd clown him about his outfit, but his face looks like it's drowning. You don't have a lazy eye, you have a lazy face around it. Jesus Christ. You look like the Teflon Don

if he was covered in Teflon or a walrus who's dipped all of his blubber in Exxon. Fuck a bug. He'd kill any mammal he stepped on. If Biggie saw this piggy he would think he was dead wrong. I mean as far as food, what have we got today? Lobster face, pasta place.

He's black and Islamic. What the fuck is he? A chocolate shake. I mean, you're too fat to work for a restaurant. That's a fucking great line. Hang on. That's got to be given the respect it deserves. He's black and Islamic.

What is he? A chocolate shake. You're he, a chocolate shake? You're like, oh, gee. I mean, your blood pressure is fucking the price of a brick. You're addicted to steaks if we're talking life on the strip. We would need a whole tray to put ice on your wrist and your fingers are too fat so you fucking type with a stick. Oh, God. too fat so you fucking type with a stick. Oh god.

Oh. But fuck jokes. I'll use reality to show that they're lame. The joke would be you probably need two seats whenever you sit on an airplane. The reality would be if you sat next to me on an airplane, it wouldn't ruin my night. It wouldn't ruin my flight.

It would ruin my life. my knives, it wouldn't ruin my flight, it would ruin my life. You're really enjoying those, aren't you, Adam? There's something, this does something to you. There's real, like, pleasure in his little yeti eyes. I mean, it's a tight, nice little package, but I promise this is all real. You are inconvenient to be around.

How awful does that feel? Oh my God. It's really basic, but the only time he's creative is making tacos with ice cream as the fucking meat replacement. He's got a million ways to sweeten cakes, but not one way to lean his face in.

Oh, there's room for cheese and bacon, but let me guess, the greens were taken, but people treat it like it's a disease, a sickness to be mediated, misleading the media from the media to people treat it like it's a disease, a sickness to be mediated, misleading the media from the media to deviate it like it's fat shaming. And I can't take it

because I'm trying to decrease your weight and that benefits you so you could show some appreciation. I mean, the fact that your fats say so much about you as a man, no long-term goals, no perseverance, you can't stick to a plan. You only care about yourself.

You're stuck in your selfish wage and none of your family members care enough about you to help you change. But they say big T's the man You can't stick to a plan. You only care about yourself. You're stuck in your selfish wage, and none of your family members care enough about you to help you change. But they say, big T's the man. Like, that'll help him magically. Of course you're the man. You have to be. You have to be cool or funny just to get an advantage.

Otherwise, you wouldn't have a single friend on this planet. I mean, fat people make less money. They get promoted less. They're more likely to be alone or to suffer an early death and i get pissed because you're because you have kids and your children are going to grow and it's a tragedy because being fat is all that they'll ever know when your daughter was born you probably weighed 355 pounds if you walked a mile a day since then you'd be skinny by now my god hey it's fucking unreal go and watch it that did he just like it feels like the writing process there was like yeah i'm not just gonna i'm gonna do some jokes about it i'm gonna do some rhyming and then he just got himself so fucking annoyed he was like no i'm literally

gonna just explain why being fat is so... It just stopped being... It got just brutal. At the top level, which is what that is, battle rappers are like, oh, you're just making fat jokes. So they have to make it really personal. He's been called fat in every battle he's done. How being fat determines his personality,

that's to a whole new level. Oh my God. Talking about his daughter you're like so the link is available to go and watch that I'll tweet it later after the episode goes on and even after everything Adam

just said I still want dominoes for tea I still want dominoes and that's fine isn't it there's nothing wrong with getting fat, as long as you just... Your attitude should be, I'm fat, I'm happy,

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I don't know about you, but I'm feeling triggered. It must be Have A Word with Adam and Dave. We got an email from Peter Ronnie Williams, who has messaged before about nicknames. Hi, DJ Nitros and the Yeti. By the way, brilliant tag team name. As I said in a previous email, I listen to the pod every day while I'm at work

and I'm totally on board with you cutting back the episodes to keep the content fresh and keep the quality as amazing as it is currently. Well, that is appreciated because that decision was not taken lightly, Peter. So it's great when someone says something like that um i was wondering if you could do a top five of your favorite other podcasts comedy or other that your listeners may enjoy so what he's saying is he's cutting down his pod listening because we're cutting down our content from next monday onwards what other podcasts can we recommend i don't we don't need to do a top five,

but what other comedy podcasts or other podcasts do you listen to? What do you recommend? My favourite podcast is The Parapod. Yeah. Like, Barry Dodds and Ian Boldsworth formerly was known as Ray Peacock as a stage name,

but now goes under his real name, which is Ian Boldsworth. Which wasn't a rape joke. No. It wasn't. It was just his stage name, but now goes under his real name, which is Ian Boldsworth. Which wasn't a rape joke. No. It wasn't. It was just his stage name. It was just a stage name, yeah. Anyway. And Barry Dodds, which isn't

a stage name, it's his fucking name. I was listening to it last night as I fell asleep, and Jade told me off because I kept laughing. I'm waking her up. The Parapod's amazing. I love that. Your Mom's House with Tom Segura and Christina P is also very funny if you like the American ones. That's my current favourite podcast comedy-wise.

Definitely. If you're a fan of Bill Bear, then his podcast is great. But I'd go and watch his stand-up and get to know him as a comic before you got into that. Like, I love Bill Burr. I listened to the podcast for about six months a year, and then I tapped out. The podcast is him monologuing every Monday morning,

and it's for the pure it's not, it's for the purist, I think it's for the real Bill Burr fan and it's still, if you love him and you like that podcast but it's not the same, he's not got someone on there, does occasionally have guests but it's him, just fuck him and I don't think many comics can do

what he does but it was not for me, I prefer the conversational stuff. I do the conversational stuff. I do love Bill Bear's podcast, to be fair. I think it's great. But you do have to be a massive Bill Bear fan. And then Joe Rogan,

although it's become almost cool to think his podcast is shit for some reason, Rogan's got some of the most amazing guests in the world. And if there's someone really, really interesting, he's almost certainly got an episode with them

so he's done an interview with Edward Snowden like the WikiLeaks whistleblower there's so many amazing interviews on the Joe Rogan podcast say that again? Elon Musk great episode, Bernie Sanders has been

on it he has his comedian mates on but then he has basically people from neuroscience, people Elon Musk that's a great episode Bernie Sanders has been on it it's um he has his comedian mates on but then he has basically people from neuroscience people from

like medical science people from political science it's so interesting like nutrition hunting if there's

if you you can't listen to one and go oh I like Joe Rogan's podcast some people don't listen to the comedy ones like paul smith our mate from hot water doesn't like the comedian ones he's like mate i can talk to my fucking comedian mates if i want to hear that i want to hear like i want to hear the insight

about science and and food and and politics and uh yeah it's it's totally varied and very long form like it's two three hours long very regularly three hours long and if you like i don't give a fuck comedy comedy that they're just like i'd describe it as like whatsapp group comedy so the type of stuff you wouldn't sort of see on the telly or even often on the internet and just the most ridiculous first, offensive things that your mates might say in a WhatsApp group. Andrew Schultz has got a podcast called Flagrant 2. Now, it's the eighth biggest Patreon membership on the planet. Flagrant 2.

There's like seven and a half thousand people on their Patreon. And it's that way for a reason. It's because Andrew Schultz has found his market. He's found his fans. And it's come from that podcast. Him and another comic, his colleague, Akash Singh, it's those two. And they've got a producer in the background called Alex Media.

And they will just talk about the topics of the day, current events and stuff, and they just say the most ridiculous, funny things they can without trying to toe the line. They're deliberately stepping over the line and I'm all for it. I think it's fucking great. Yeah.

I've never heard that one. Andrew Santino and Bobby Lee have got a podcast called Bad Friends that launched about two months ago and andrew santino is a guy that i i found out about through uh the rogan podcast he's brilliant on one of my favorites on on rogan he's he's on about two months and he supports him on his tours i found out about santino and theo Vaughn at the same time, about a year ago. Theo Vaughn's got a really good comedy podcast called This Past Weekend.

But Santino's got one called Whiskey and Ginger, and one of the best episodes on it is him and Bobby Lee. You might recognise Bobby Lee from sitcoms, American sitcoms. He's like a Korean guy, a Korean-American, and they do what me and Adam have been doing. Like it's very similar vibe of just talking about what's going on and then ripping the shit out of each other and then ripping the shit out about anything

they're talking about. That's really good. The rest of the podcasts I listen to are basically NFL podcasts. So unless you're mad into the NFL history extra by the BBC randomly, if I really want to change your pay, because sometimes with sport and comedy, you just want something else. You want a different frequency to listen to the history, extra podcast, just tweak some little bit of history geekery in me. Have you got another podcast that you like that isn't comedy or sport?

Do you listen to anything? Just change the tone. It seems almost silly to mention it because I think it's officially the most successful podcast of all time. It's Serial. Have you listened to Serial? Yeah. Yeah. I love it.

I really love crime stuff and court cases and looking at how the police handle stuff. Serial, I became obsessed with it i've listened to the whole the first series about um adnan syed is the one i'm talking about the second one i wasn't really into but the first it was good though it was good it was still good second series and the third one was good that first season was something special though yeah it's unbelievable i've listened to that first series 10, 11, 12 times. And then there's a spin-off podcast called Undisclosed,

which is not as well packaged as Serial. So Serial is looking, for those who haven't heard about it, is listening, it's about a guy who was accused of murdering his girlfriend in Baltimore, and he's been in prison for it ever since.

And it's about that and how the police handled it and the evidence and whether he's guilty or not and whatever. But there's a lot of stuff that gets missed out by Serial because it doesn't fit the narrative of the storytelling of the podcast, a lot of other stuff, and all of that is in Undisclosed. It's not as easy to listen to, but if you listen to

Series 1 of Serial and you become as obsessed with that case as I did, Undisclosed is also amazing. And Undisclosed is done by, I forget her name, but she's someone who is actually on the Serial podcast. It's someone who knows Adnan Syed. She's a lawyer. I forget her name, but she's someone who is actually on the Serial podcast. It's someone who knows Adnan Syed. She's a lawyer. I forget her

name. It's very on point, isn't it? Because they sort of that podcast, you might be thinking, God, it sounds really heavy, but if you're into the Netflix crime dramas, it's very, very well produced. That first season particularly,

it's fucking... I enjoyed listening to Serial more than I enjoyed watching Making a Murderer. Really? Yeah. Oh, actually, I forgot about Serial when we were doing the... When I was going through this, just sort of preemptively deciding what I'd say. I totally forgot about Serial. Oh, All Killer, No Filler. My mate about cereal. Oh, All Killer No Filler.

My mate Kiri's got All Killer No Filler. Talking about crime. Her and Rachel Fairbairn. I think we've mentioned them on the podcast before. Kiri's a good mate of mine. I've never listened to it. I've never listened to the Parapod. Because, honestly, it's so stubborn of me.

But because Barry's one of my best mates in stand-up, I've never got round to... You know why? Because in my head, I'm like, oh, shit, I'm not that into Ghost, but I bet that's ridiculous, innit? You really don't have to be. No.

You do not have to be. It's so fucking funny. Do you want to do a couple of would-you-rathers just to change the tone a little bit? Oh, yes, mate. Listen. Yes, I do. I am going to extend an olive branch here

because we have a listener called Daniel Pugh and he has been throwing a lot of shit against the wall. And when I say that, I mean in terms of attempted content, he is not shy about going, I think this one, let's see. And we've actually done a few of his suggestions before. I'm going to do two Would you rathers from uh daniel pew you can just go for it if you want would you rather every time you have a wank you come all over your own face okay can't by the way there's a little caveat you can't say i'd w standing up, because only psychopaths do that. Or, you'll just lose an inch of your dick.

You'll lose an inch right now, but you get to crack one out normally for the rest of your days. Or, you keep that inch, you're keeping the yellow, the supposed row yellow. Can I just go and ask Jade if she'd be happy with just six and a half inches before I answer? Oh, fucking hell. Why don't you ask the unicorn if it'll make you tea while you're there? You fucking length rat. Do you never wank standing up? Yeah, sometimes. Sometimes, on an away day.

Like if you're at work or something when you used to work oh god sometimes i have and it instantly feels more fucking sexually aggressive done it like like when you're lying down you're like i'm a gentleman i like to pleasure myself bedtime snoozy snooze away to the wanky land of dreams stood up you're like get me down I know I've mentioned

before that I do whack off in front of Jade sometimes but sometimes I'm just not in the mood to do that to be on display so if she's in the bedroom

and I can't be arse bringing up I'm going to have a wank or whatever I'll just go to the toilet and just stand up over the toilet bowl and then there's always

that awkward bit at the end where your dick's pointing up but you're about to come and you're trying to aim into the toilet bowl and then there's always that awkward bit at the end where your dick's pointing up but you're about to come and you're trying to aim it into the toilet bowl so you have to bend your whole body like a contortionist to aim it into the toilet bowl which is never ideal

I have never jizzed into the toilet in my life you know I jizz into the basin the sink? yeah and I just thought that's what everyone did No. I jizz into the basin. The sink? Yeah. And I just thought that's what everyone did. But now I'm thinking about it.

I hope Laura never hears this. She's going to in about a week and a half. Jade's just seconding me there. Is that true? No! It is. It is, everyone. He's nodding. He's nodding. He's nodding.

Where did they think? I remember being at college once, and there was this really pretty girl, and she was like, where can I ask a question? It was like straight out of Christian Union. You talk about this sort of stuff, but when you wank yourself,

you know when someone's using the wrong terminology? It's like, when you wank yourself, where do you aim? Do you aim for your mouth she literally thought we were like oh what am i gonna do with this ah i was like no you're fucking lunatic i mean it's not much better what we do just like on the belly wipe it up but don't fucking aim for your mouth like well i couldn't possibly clean this up any other way trying to catch it like someone's throwing a Malteser from the other side

of the room you fucking horror get back to Jesus der Skarstein what would you rather do? I can't lose an inch I don't know I just have to not wank I can't lose an inch I just have to not wank I can't lose an inch

I am not in a position to lose an inch I'm at a working level here I can't lose any what if it was half an inch half an inch I don't know

I'm down I'm down at five I can't go lower I can't go lower I honestly think I've got a five inch I really think so I'm I just have to abstain go on

you move to Korea you're going to be the boss? Oh, yeah. Be the big daddy. Oh, it's so big. You know, not a lot of people are moving to North Korea. I don't know if you know about international immigration, but that's not a traditional act.

Chester's nice. West Cheshire, it's got a lot of things going on, but I really fancy North Korea, make our money go that little bit further. I've got a mate of mine, I think, who lives in North Korea. Not Carl, who lives in Japan. I'm not getting Japan and Korea confused. But I think I know someone who lives in North Korea.

Doing what? Are you sure it's North Korea? I don't know. I don't think North Korea have a load of immigrants. I don't think anyone's allowed to leave or enter, basically. I think that's... Yeah, do you mean South Korea? No, I'm pretty sure it's North.

Right. It's exciting, isn't it? Is he a spy? Because let's hope Kim Jong and all his fucking cronies don't listen to this shit. He's undercover, lad. Yeah, just here to do some fucking work, lad. No, they do. They do have

economic migration. Do they? Yeah. So you can go and work in North Korea. Where would you go? Slightly left field. Adam, you've got to leave the country for whatever reason. I mean, we all know what it would be.

Nonsense. What? Where would you go? And you can't go English. Hey, where would you emigrate to? Can't go English speaking. You've got to emigrate to? Can't go English-speaking. You've got to move to a foreign country. Out of Europe, let's get

out of the continent. International, lads. Where would you go? French Canada. French Canada. French Canada. French Canada. Oh, brilliant. I want to be a Canadian from Canadians.

Oh, fuck. What about just France? Tony over there, isn't he? I could pick up France. No, but that is in Europe,

isn't it? I said out of Europe, where would you go? Also, out of Europe. Yeah, you've got to go out of Europe and Canada's a,

you can't go to French Canada because that is an English speaking country in the main, isn't it? It's like the first language. Botswana. Botswana! What the fuck?

You just literally picked the name of a country out of your head. It would be good, though, wouldn't it? You'd be the biggest name in fucking stand-up in Botswana. Fast or Pigs. Fast or Pigs. biggest name in fucking stand-up in Botswana. Faster pigs. Faster pigs. Gonna steal MC Africa Zulu's fucking act. He was like, holy shit,

he's doing Nigerian material. Thieving bastard. I go, I go Thailand for the kids. It's jokes now. Is it Steve Harris? I think I've done Steve Harris' material. Steve, love you.

Thailand would be a good one, innit? Or like the Philippines. Just paradise. Yeah, am I the only one that thinks Thailand's a bit hacky? Like, I'm just... I'm not trying to sound like the tourist version of Danny Mac. Like, oh no, don't go to Thailand. Everybody fucking goes to Thailand Thailand go to Uzbekistan

like an alternative but I reckon Malaysia or something something a bit less like Cambodia or Vietnam you can't go to Cambodia can I not why not it's locked off innit what the fuck you just told me I can go to North Korea

and now you're chopping off Cambodia? Yeah, Cambodia. You're not allowed in. On what grounds? What? What are you talking about? You just told me I can go to North Korea, and I can't go to Cambodia.

Yeah. Mate. Talking bullshit. I'm not talking bullshit. The Communist Republic of North Korea is letting everyone in like, all right, yeah, come over, work in the bars, work down the beach, and Cambodia you can't.

Yeah. Right, we're coming back to that. I'm literally writing that shit down. If anyone knows that's bullshit, I'm sure you can go to Cambodia. Why can't you go to Cambodia? They've locked it off. For what? They said no more.

We're full. They've gone all they've all gone Cambodian Defence League CDL CDL yeah okay now that was a weird one

that was wanking that ended up into international politics he's also put alright Aaron and Dan what's going on would you rather be a grass

or get bummed be a grass oh that's interesting I do I can't stress the degree to which I don't want to be bummed

I honestly thought you were going to go so scouse there go I'd rather take a fucking dick up my ass than be a fucking grass I thought you were going to go so scouse there, go, I'd rather take a fucking dick up my ass than be a fucking grass. I thought you were going to go proper, like, fucking purple bin lid.

I'd grass now on someone who deserves grassing on. Right. I just wouldn't grass for no reason. What deserves grassing? Come on, give me the categories. What's grassworthy? Right, so Jade's a grass like a proper one

yeah and um we were driving towards uh the house of someone we know a while back nice and vague like it

and it was snowing and next door to their house their roof had no snow on which means they're probably growing weed in the attic and the heat off the stuff next door to their house, their roof had no snow on, which means they're probably growing weed in the attic and the heat off the stuff to grow the weed melts the snow. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I was like, oh, look at that. She was like, what do you mean? I was like, that means they're growing weed in the attic. She's like, oh, well, I'm telling the police. And I was like, you're fucking not. Because that's just someone trying to make a little crop, sell a bit of weed, put the kids through college a nice honest scouse businessman okay i wouldn't grass on them but if i seen some fucking knobhead robbing the chinese chippy with a gun and i knew

it was i'd grass him up right right i love it how you made that the chippy as well it wasn't just a robber it was someone close to your heart he's doing an arm fucking robbery not just like someone who deserves it like a bank or a fucking nursery right mate if you're doing an arm robbery and you're stood with a gun in a nursery you've really fucked up right i need two packs of pampers and some fucking rusks and anything out the tilt there isn't any tilt shit I'll have two of them kids

throw the fucking kids in the back I'll sell them to Cambodia Cambodia's full I'll fuck off you don't know what you're on about I love it how you said the Chinese chippy you cannot

mate Adam had grass on someone stealing a fork from that fucking chippy no the forks are free leave them on the counter you can take them what mate Mate, Adam had grass on someone stealing a fork from that fucking chippy. No, the forks are free. Leave them on the counter. You can take them.

What? Mate, what the fuck is Jade on about? Why does she mind about weed? Weed's not the bad drug. Weed's the fun drug. I don't even smoke it. Leave them alone. She did a module on it when she did a criminology course or something, and she's like, actually, well, there's a link between weed

and being a knobhead when you're 12 so bore off that's the first time i've strongly disagreed with your missus usually when you're like rallying against her i'm like i can see her point i'm dead against that one i'm not even a weed smoker but fuck off mary poppins leave leave them alone what about if someone was rona rona curfew breaking? What would you do then? Would you grass on that? Where's your...

I want to find your grass line. I want to find your grass line. I'm getting to the point now where I totally understand people breaking the curfew. And look, we've got a platform here and I'm not encouraging it.

I'm not saying we should all just tell the government to fuck off and get on with whatever we want. But people are going slowly fucking round the fucking bend and i'm getting less and less judgy about people doing that yeah a month and a month and a month a month and ago a month ago i was getting pissed off and now i'm like i just think i think there's got to be a bit of give and take and we had someone emailing last time we talked about the shutdown being released

and quite vehemently said, mate, there can't be a release from the shutdown. There's going to be a huge other spike. I don't think, I think, honestly. I think that email though, I want to address that. I think that email, I think he misunderstood what we were doing last time. And I think he thought we were calling for the lockdown to be eased like now. And that's not what we were doing. We were just commentating on what we believe current public opinion to be and how it's changing.

And just if it was the light at the end of the tunnel, wasn't it? There has to be now. Yeah. Yeah. And like, even now I'm saying I understand people flouting the rules. I do understand it. I'm not saying they're right. I'm saying I understand it. And I'm not

saying the government should come out and go, right, lockdown's over. Because I don't know enough about it because I'm not an epidemiologist. You're not. I don't think you are. I'm not an epidemiologist. I'm not. I'm not.

So I don't know. I don't know. I don't know what should be done. I just know that the government needs to communicate with us a bit more about when things are going to change a little bit because people need a bit of fucking hope at the minute because a lot of people are feeling hopeless. That's all I'm saying. But next door neighbours,

so next door neighbours, they've got like the mum and the dad round and the kids. You're like, do you know what? It's not ideal. It's not the rules, but I'm not grassing. No, I wouldn't grass that up. Next door neighbours, they play in a fucking Sunday league team.

They get the lads round and their missus is the 20-odd. 25 people in the house. Having a beverage, not too loud. Are you grassing that? No. Full-on Project X. 250 people. Fucking DJs. That's's gotta get grassed up on it adam that's you come on mate that's even worse that's like at school i tell you who everyone will be in detention the people

fighting and the people egging them on, which is worse. That's like that, isn't it? Like, oh, I'm not fucking grassing. Jade, you fucking grass. And, do you remember at Christmas when it snowed? There was no fucking, there was no snow on them fucking roofs. Eh? Eh? Keeping fucking

rats in their fucking attic. There's a rat in me attic, what am I gonna do? There's a rat in me attic, what am I gonna do? There's a rat in me attic, what am I gonna do? It was interesting, that. Interesting. Where is Adam's grass line? Shall we have a word from our

sponsors? We can do, if you fucking want. Alright, Grumpy. I am Grumpy, aren't I? Really sorry. Do you love podcasts? Have you always wanted to do your own, but you don't know how? Well, here at Lightwork Studios, if you've got an idea for a podcast, then we want to record

it and record it well. Whether you're doing your first podcast or you've been doing it for years, we think all podcasts should look and sound as good as possible. And with prices starting from £30 an hour we are by far the best priced professional podcast studio in London. We've got three HD cameras, six top of the range mics and a sound technician on hand to make sure that all you have to focus on is talking.

We can have the recording edited and sent to you the very same day find us at lightweightpodcasts.com so we can help record your next podcast sending your questions and suggestions to have a word pod at gmail.com let's crack on with this nonsense oh shit forgot there I just ask am I now officially a songwriter you're a composer it was listed on the email Harry that sent he didn't want his second name saying Harry little Vinny who did the vocals,

is it Matt P. Williams? And Harry was like, I asked him for who I should give the full shout out to, and he said, he literally put composer Adam Rowe. I'm a composer and a songwriter. I'm putting that in my Twitter bio. Comedian, podcaster, songwriter. Fucking lit. Oh, angel. Comedian, podcaster, songwriter. Fucking lit. Oh, angel.

Comedian, podcaster, lit, angel, composer. Oh, lovely, lovely. And that was in G. He even belches in tone. All right, lids. Sure. Belch on demand. Yes. Yeah. Oh, God. Alright lads Short Yes Yeah

Oh god That's some fucking lunacy Trying to do the whole alphabet Stop it Alright lads Disgusting Alright lads Short and sweet

But can you have a word with anyone That sends the same story or would you rather into more than one podcast? I've heard more than one story, would you rather, on both yours and the podcast by Chris and Rosie Ramsey, Shag Married and Annoyed. Someone is being a little fucking lat about this one, Adam. So Liam Curry has heard it on more than one podcast.

Someone's doing it, I think, for their own entertainment to see if they can get stories and would-you-rathers and whatnot on different podcasts. And although they're funny, this is what Liam said, although they're funny, it sounds almost like a comedian stealing another comedian's jokes. I know you'd fucking hate to be accused of doing

any shit like that, so please have a word with these whoppers. Yeah. That sounds a bit passive-aggressive at the end, doesn't it? I know you'd hate to be accused of doing this, so I'm sure you'll want to resolve it as quick as... Fuck you, Liam. It definitely sounds passive-aggressive

if you reread it with the tone that you just employed. Yeah, that's how I read it this is this is amazing this is why tone and sending texts that are important is difficult like i know you'd fucking hate to be accused of doing any shit like that so please have a word with these whoppers like i don't i'm not so sure that's what liam meant but yeah if you are for your own fucking fun and games, sending multi... It's just, what are you doing? What are you fucking doing?

We need as much fucking content as possible. Yeah, but then... I'm telling you right now, Chris and Rosie's podcast is bigger than this one. They do more downloads. They're selling out fucking arenas with the shit. And we'll be there in a few years. But for now, if you're going to make people pick

between sending them to them or us we're going to lose a lot of fucking contributions no, I don't give a shit I don't listen to their podcast, I'm sure it's great I'm blissfully unaware of it keep sending in whatever the fuck you want to us and you can send that way whatever you like as well

I like it Adam, I really didn't expect you to take that tack I thought you'd be like, yeah, you fucking pissed me right off. Adam's like, just send it. Send the fucking lot and stop being a fucking grass liam. Yeah. I mean, probably don't send us the shit for the parapod. Like, I've seen a ghost, because I'm not sure we're going to do it.

Yeah, I've seen a ghost, and I'm probably sure the curtains were blue and I fucking saw one. But what do you think, Barry? Yeah, I think it's fucking probably a ghost, like, and I'm probably sure like the curtains were blueing and I fucking saw one. But what do you think, Barry? Yeah, I think it's fucking probably a ghost. That's how I imagine the par... Is that the parapod? I'm pretty sure that's the parapod. It's not a million miles away.

And Ray being like, Ian Bowles will be like, oh, it's not a fucking ghost, it's a fucking curtain. And ram, ram, ram, ram, ram, oh, it's not the fucking house, it's the fucking curtains. I'm... I'm... I'm... I'm almost sure it's fucking not. I'm... Now this is

a slightly tense one. I am interested to see what Adam thinks of this. First time I've done the have a words alright Adam and the ball bloke who used to present the gadget show touche I've had it before Stone Cold Steve from Accounts

Stone Cold Steve I'm taking you to the industrial tribunal can you have a word with my pal sam for us me and sam have been mates for years i've had a word myself he's a liverpool fan maybe a proper scouse red might have some effect so basically he's hoping that hearing this from you adam is going to help me and sam are from a nice ish town outside of Birmingham. Sam is the son of a hardworking businessman who has become a millionaire. And Sam's basically got whatever he's ever asked for.

His old man bought him his first house. That's the level we're talking about. My trouble isn't with that. But when Sam is on social media, he portrays himself as the second coming of Karl Marx and gets pissy about people who don't share the same viewpoint as himself. I know the public services are underfunded however maybe if he'd had to do a day's graft in his fucking life he might understand the value of money and why people might have a different view to himself and want to keep their wages. Have a word with him to

stop pretending he's something he's not as let's be honest he's a closet tory who always got his old man to fall back on and he needs to get off his left-wing political hype train cheers lids from ben ben can suck my dick i fucking love it so you're not you're not you're not taking you're not having a word with Sam you're having you're having a word with Ben

who wrote the email Ben's a knobhead go on Adam riff brother he's a fucking tit okay now

you've got Adam at the wrong mood with this shit go on mate go on what's his mate's name Sam Sam

Sam's the dad got the dad who's a millionaire right so they're both from the same area and what Ben seems to be pissed off with is that because Ben's quite clearly a Tory.

Right. He hasn't said it but he is. Because he's saying you know some people just want to keep the wages. Don't want to give it to the government. You know fund the National Health Service or anything else. Blah blah blah. Ben's a Tory. He hasn't said it. You're paraphrasing. You're definitely adding to it.

But go, go, go, go. Go. Sam. Now, look, Sam's not completely innocent because I am fucking bored. I consider myself very left wing, very, very left wing on 99% of things. Socialist ideals, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Sam sounds to me, based on the information we've got, although I imagine it's quite biased coming from this Tory bellend, I reckon Sam is the type of person who's like, no, this is how things are, and if you don't agree with me, then I'm going to block you because you're a knobhead. There's loads of them on the left-wing side of the political spectrum, and they do me fucking head in. That lad Owen Jones, he's like a very prominent socialist left-wing political commentator.

He makes a lot of good points, and then every now and then he just says something that makes me think, oh, you're the reason that the Tories keep getting in, because everyone on the centre-right thinks we're all like fucking you and can't understand the difference between A and B. Prick. So if Sam's being like that and he's all, no, my opinion's right and that,

and he doesn't consider anyone else's point of view, then yeah, I'll have a word with him about that. You need to learn to have a debate and discuss why certain people think another way. I don't want another 20 years of a Conservative government and unless the left start listening to why people in the centre ground have started to vote for the right, we're never

going to get back in power, never going to happen so people like Sam are a problem in that sense, but Ben, you little fucking pube, okay oh Ben it sounds to me like Ben is accusing Sam of being a champagne socialist, which is such a boring

fucking insult. What he's saying is just because Sam's dad has got a bit of money that Sam cannot have socialist opinions or left-wing opinions. It's bullshit, okay? I'm not the type of left-wing person who's completely against capitalism. I don't necessarily think that a completely socialist society is one that can ever really survive for a very long period of time. There's no perfect economic system. Capitalism isn't a perfect one, but it's the one that we've got. And if you work all of your life

to become a millionaire, and then you can afford to buy your children a house, I'd love to be in that position one day. But I'd also like to pass on my left-wing socialist beliefs to my children and go, look, I've bought you a house. Here you go. I love you. Here's a good start in your life, but don't let this make you become a prick. What better is asking Sam to do is go,

oh, well, my dad's got loads of money, so fuck everyone else. I don't want to. I think we should all just keep our money. You know, we should try and do this. The NHS being underfunded doesn't matter, and we're fucking booper, mate. It doesn't fucking work like that.

You can have money in your background. Your parents can have money that you can fall back on and still be a person who believes that we need to pay in to the public person so that everyone has got a decent chance at a decent life. Ben, suck me dick. Mate, the timing of that was beautiful

it was a combination of Adam's mood, the end of the podcast and that email that was just amazing that was like just pushing a little snowball at the top of a hill and then just watching a whole village get fucked off by a massive like

huge avalanche I mean I think off by a massive like huge avalanche i mean to be i think i think if sam is being a pious cunt and he's on twitter pretending to be like a a dyed in the wool hardcore almost communist like hard socialist and really he's he's he's portraying a false setup then that is bullshit and i get ben's point because he's obviously his mate but he's like mate i'm fucking bored of you taking the moral high ground when you're comfy as fuck but there is a very inverted snobbery about the working class hating a person who has wealth that's no fault of their own because it's it's very short-sighted like if it was the other way around ben wouldn't be like well i'm giving up this house because i'm

a tory or whatever i'm a socialist like it's an inverted snobbery just like people despise the wealthy looking down at the poor to then invert that and be like oh posh people are all cunts and like inbred like i think i think if sam is being a hypocrite and he's on twitter and he's online and he's and he's being sort of fake then yeah i get why ben's annoyed if sam's being a virtue signal and pile of cum and that's what a lot of people are right if he's on on twitter talking about oh we need to do this let's fund the NHS, let's buy into socialist values, I'm super left wing and then he's going home and he's on voting day, he's voting Tory

and it's all just for likes and retweets and aren't I a good person but really he wants to keep all his fucking money and daddy will look after me, if he's that person then yeah, fuck him off, Ben's right he's an absolute knobhead but I don't think he is, I think what's happening here is Ben's right he's an absolute knobhead, but I don't think he is I think what's happening here

is Ben's a little tawny, he feels fucking guilty for the fact that he is one, and the fact that his mate, who is actually in a much better position than him, can still find the moral virtue within him to be, do you know what, no I think we should do things this way he's jealous of the

humanity that his friend has got that's what this email sounds like to me yeah i think you're always going to get criticized if you uh are going to a labor party meeting and you ride a poor person there that's always going to look badly how did you get here thomas oh actually i just wrote i wrote a poor person it's really it's the only way to travel anyway how do we do we fix the NHS and social housing? Well, Adam, I love that, that little, little fire under you. I'm sort of feeling responsible for now handing you back to Jade because you are in a tempestuous little mood.

I don't think I'm going to go and see Jade. I think I'm going to go and have a wank and a sandwich and then I'll feel a bit better. Do it stood up, you little fucking yeti. The song today is from Rivet City. We've had Rivet City on before. They've got a video coming out on Tuesday. Check them out on Twitter,

at Rivet City Band. This is called Spare the Master. It's cool as fuck. Adam, I've done the whole fucking episode. Look at that. I've done the music. That's the first time I've ever introduced the song. Hope our listeners enjoyed the energy I brought today.

And I'll try and have a slightly different one tomorrow. Go and rob a nursery, lad. Bye, Felicia. Bye, Felicia. Where the castle meets the coast Lies a crater where we trade our ass for piss hips We drink with holy ghost Sitting on the lip, getting wasted Tires are piling wine

All the time we decide to numb the pain with Is loneliness a crime? Or other methods of deception, fear and hatred? Pickled in brine Time before my time Cause there's spasms in my spine with taint threats Sinking from the top See I'm fired to my class

Cause the waters of the land ain't sacred There's fiery river lefts like a rocket to my chest Intends an occupation as a spaceman As a spaceman, that's the master plan Sparrowing angel Sparrowing angel For the meantime Save me a place

Save me a place in the red light Say you wanna, I don't wanna Go there Do you wanna, I don't wanna Go there, go there, go there I took nightshade as a wife Brewed a poison from the petals in my basement The serpent in the strife Toast my opponent's replacement

The stars they vibe and I Sweet collude to race men But reap its sown in time Makes sense of the mess not wasted Another tale awol from the garden made of stones The emperor who overclocked from most ends Walked through the lands, drowned his cities in the sands Tousing all the peasants on the pavement In vanity and pride, yet he never broke his stride Once a devastation

He said he only smiled, poured the wool around his eyes Can you spare me an angel? Sare me an angel For the meantime Save me a place For the meantime, save me your face Save me your face with the pen light Send me to your water, I don't wanna Go there

Go thereSay you wanna I don't wanna Go there Go there Go there Say you wanna Say you wanna Say you wanna

Go there Go there Go there Go thereGo there there, go there, go there Go there, go there, go there, go there