Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #62 Shutdown Pod (VIA ZOOM) -w/Adam & Dan

Episode Date: June 5, 2020

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Pause the pod here. Go and do that now and then enjoy the episode. Nice one. See you in a bit. Fucking did it in one take, bro. Yeah, man. Now, I'm getting the word

not. Cha! Upset me. Nasty bitch. Catch me outside, how about that? I'm big-boned. I'm heavy-structured. I'm hung low.

If I pull my shit out this whole room, get dark. Disgusting! Follow us on social media at Have A Word Pod. And don't forget to watch our very funny podcast videos on YouTube. You can subscribe at YouTube.com forward slash have a word pod. They go by Alan and Dave, Aaron and Dean, Grandad and the Yeti, or even Chanel

and Denise. But what's for sure is they are the funniest leads in the podcast game. Don't be a Tory. Down your tub or shandy and tell a friend. This have a word let's push things forward. I just watched a YouTube with Mike Skinner being weird, reading something out, promoing a new Streets mixtape, and it's just made me remember how much I fucking love

the Streets original pirate material. While you were having a wee, I was like, the down is the upbeat, make it complete. They dry your eyes means, was that them? Yeah, man. Yeah, that was the second album, A Grand Don't Come For Free. After that, a little bitty old cocaine got in the membrane and he went a bit shit.

Because he's like 23 and from fucking Birmingham. He's basically a genius who likes a little bit of the fuck of Mozambique. So he basically brings UK hip-hop and garage into a whole new stratosphere, makes it totally popular, and then, yeah, he's just with his mates, and he's living the fucking dream,

doing coke all the time. And by the third album, I was like, Mike Skinner, what the fuck is this? But those first two are absolutely quality. So I am going to have a post-podcast, going to have a little bit of a street session. Man, you go by that. You're getting on the beat

this is really bad someone emailed us before i don't know if you clocked it and just went guys i'm fucking love the podcast and uh i just if you're ever in sheffield i'd like to buy your pint and we can go out and have some mozambique it's like and basically you should just ignore that email that is one of those emails you be like yep i'm i'm it's sound that people love what we do and it's sound that they feel like they can buy as a pint because that's basically we're having chat we're having a chat like try to just go describe in the podcast we've said it before it's like you and me have turned up early in a dressing room and this is the sort of bullshit we chat but i shouldn't be like oh yeah that'd be good cause sheffield having a bit of coke when i did it i read it i was like oh that'd be good fun you in sheffield backstage at a gig everyone's like hey anyone got any numbers for some coke

and you're like no but I've got a fucking email. Email me, Coke dealer. Let me just register onto Patreon. Which tier? You're getting really good for the drug trade. My dealer's now on LinkedIn. Oh, God. Sheffield as well. Could you imagine asking for coke at some of the gigs

in sheffield sheffield could do with oh this might go down badly but i'm gonna say anyway sheffield could do with an influx of younger promoters is that fair to say adam because some of the old bitches that have been running that town for a while, although they're mates and I do gig for them. I refuse to answer on the grounds that I may incriminate myself. Yeah. I don't think it would do Sheffield any harm to have a few young guns who know how to work the fucking internet. And, yeah, I just imagine being at some of the gigs in Sheffield,

like, I'm going to get some coke. Fucking hell. But, yeah, so that's sad, isn't it it so I'd like to get my social life back on track did I see something about Rob Mulholland talking about drug dealers at a gig and then you chipped in with something have I just dreamed that through one in a night out so Rob Mulholland

was just talking about I can't even remember what he said but I remember the story from the Birmingham Comedy Loft, which is the Comedy Loft is a chain of comedy clubs, which sort of took over when Jonglers finally went to complete shit. Can I just

quantify, qualified like, took over. What they did was, they took the sign down, and then they put a new sign up, and then they rang they rang someone else went will you book it it's totally different now and they were like yeah yeah yeah cool it's totally different and then you got there and you're like are you the same oh it's the same staff oh it's are you how long have you been the assistant manager here she's like 10 years

oh yeah it feels familiar the comedy loft is one of those gigs that are... It's a great double. If you're already within a 30-mile radius doing a nice gig, and they go, we need someone to come and collect 200 quid on the way home, it's a fucking great gig for that, but it's not necessarily one to put in your diary and look forward to for six months, is it?

I'll be honest. I love the guy who books it now. Sean Elmy is one of the good guys. Yeah. So I would never want Daryl or Sean to take this the wrong way. It's a rebadged fucking Jonglers. And they book, like Sean's take this the wrong way it's a rebadged fucking Jonglers and they book

like Sean's one of the best bookers and he books great bills but it's still a fucking rebadged Jonglers and you feel it some nights there you're like oh my god it's hard work it's a it's not Daryl's fault they've been given the

contract to book comedy lineups for a chain of nightclubs, and then the gigs are ran by the nightclubs who prioritise the after show before they prioritise the show. And they prioritise beer sales like jonglers used to do.

You can get a jug of 14-seam fucking drinks for just £8.95. And if you pay for the platinum package, you get the compere to nosh you off in the disabled toilet. That's what we do at Jonglers. It's all about the

comedy. Here's a fuckwit with a guitar. Let's get this shit over. It's nearly quarter to nine. It's time for Stacey's Hendo. I got a feeling. The fault is when they accepted the gigs that's that's the only fault because i think sean and daryl book great gigs but they have a business to run comedy was shrinking in and they did the right thing in many ways of going we'll try and run these better and keep them open personally i cannot stand those loft gigs i think they are it's like having one foot in the bad old days it's almost like the industry is trying to move away from it and that's

just like it's weirdly having like one foot just stuck in the do you remember do you remember jonglers though do you remember exactly how it felt because it's in the same room as birmingham jonglers it's the same gig i think they first of all i'm quite privileged in the same room as Birmingham Jonglers. It's the same gig. I think they, first of all, I'm quite privileged in the fact that they're all quite far away from me. Birmingham is my closest one. That's a weird privilege. Watford and Camden. Now, Camden, I always enjoyed,

and I haven't played it since it's all off, but I enjoyed it when it was under the Jongles and Highlight brand. Watford and Redden, I'm never anywhere near them, so I don't have to deal with them. And they're known to be the tougher two. Birmingham is, I think that these type of clubs are a necessary evil within our industry because they are full of stag and henders a lot of the time because the marketing is, if you book in a group, it's cheaper.

If you book your drinks in advance and you all buy a jug, it's cheaper. Get here at six, the show starts at eight. You've got two hours to drink before the show. It's cheaper. Get here at six. The show starts at eight. You've got two hours to drink before the show. It's marketed to those people. And what it does is it keeps the type of people who want that night out of the comedy clubs that go, we prioritize couples in the show. So I actually think that a good thing to be there. I think it also is still putting money in the pockets of comedians who aren't getting the other gigs and also comedians who are getting the other gigs but want

to double up because without doubling up on a weekend without doing two Friday and Saturday it's hard to make a good living as a comedian. It sounds on paper like we're earning a lot of money. Oh 200 quid a gig? That's fucking great isn't it? Yeah it is when I'm a hot water but if I've got to drive to Nottingham three and a half

hours each way and Friday evening traffic and then pay petrol and hotels and whatever else on top of it, if I'm not doing two of those gigs in one night, it's not easy to make a comfortable living. You can make a fucking surviving, but to make a comfortable living, you need to be doing two

and those gigs do provide that. So they're not as enjoyable as the gigs that are run by the gigs that are ran by the people who are involved with the gig and the people who book it. And it's a purpose-built comedy club. They're always the best gigs

and they always will be because they're a comedy club, not a comedy night in a nightclub. And that's a big fucking difference. However, I do think they've got their place. And the story I told Rob Mulholland, which was 100% true, I was comparing

the Comedy Loft about 18 months ago maybe to two years and I had like the Saturday offer come in during the week, oh we need a compare Saturday night so I went and did it and there was a guy on the front row in a white

suit, fully white and a black fancy shirt underneath it and I was like on the front row in a white suit, fully white, and a black fancy shirt underneath it. And I was like, fucking hell. And he was so confident, legs akimba on the front row, just like I'm the fucking daddy of the room. And I was like, what you do?

And he went, I sell coke. And he just said it, like not giving a fuck. It was almost as if he's like, the people who run this place know me. And if they even try and do anything to me, they know what's going to happen. It had that kind of vibe.

And I was like, oh, you sell Coke. And he was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, oh,

great. Yeah. You're just going to stick with that. You're going to, you sell Coke. And a guy behind him, if you sell Coke, it's 40 quid's worth,

lad. And he, he just turned around and sold him 40 quidids worth of coke in the middle of the gig. Oh, God. There's no moral judgment on that because, you know, I'm in no position, but in terms of being a sole trader, an independent businessman, that seems a little bit of a short-sighted fucking sale, doesn't it?

Because if you then turn around and went, anyone celebrating anything? Yeah, it's just retirement we uh we're all policemen it could be a fucking weird night like it's all like you're cocky bollocks and you think you know the people but they could easily be a party i don't know just what are you doing i well i he definitely got away with it that night. He was there for the whole show. And then he stayed around. And the crowd, as he made sales, the crowd got more and more confident in their opinions.

Like, Adam, Adam, let me tell you something. Oh, my God, that's a fucking terrible accent. Adam, you like it nice and slow, don't you? Adam, I've got a fucking nickel for you. Let me tell you something i've had cocaine and also some valium when people do coke when people from birmingham do coke they end up becoming the streets let's push things forward this ain't the down it's the upbeat make it complete they actually become uk garage stars yeah i'm not a big fan birmingham for some reason i really do like birmingham it gets shat on but i i really do

like birmingham but the loft just gives me and i've been offered drugs in birmingham after a gig but not at the loft um there's a there's promoters called andy and paul nightingale and they booked me years ago because i've got the same surname as them it was that they were just starting out as a as promoters like we like comedy we're gonna put comedy on we're like this guy's got our name hey i did some of their first gigs dead sound some of the gigs are brilliant but some of their gigs are like you should have vetted this you should have come here and gone no and there was a box a boxing club in kings oh i want to say kings heath but i don't know if it was anyway it was on the outskirts of birmingham

and it was a little bit fucking toasty a little bit rough it was very rough it didn't seem like the worst area but it was a boxing club they were like right so this is what it is it's like a boxing club a lot everyone in the room can throw a punch yeah so it's a lot of the members and their mates and you're like okay so members of the boxing club and they're like they don't really have a dressing room but obviously there's like the bar area where the gig's gonna be and then through those doors is like the boxing club and it was just you know in all the films where they go in and they do the fucking the first walking around the boxing gym like this is where we'll train you and there's always like someone it was it was just that it was exactly that it was it was pretty basic it was exactly what you'd expect on a film set

so we were allowed to get in the ring with mitts and do fucking fight videos before and all the while we could hear the night sort of filling and it was loud and you knew it was going to be dreadful i think scott bennett was comparing fuckingiantly. And it was one of those when I went on and it had been such fucking bedlam. It was a free hit. I've said this before on the podcast. There's some gigs where you're like, of course you don't want to have a bad one. You want to have a good one,

but you know that if it goes tits, everyone will be like, yeah, of course it did. Look what the fucking, we're trying to do live stand up on a Friday night and on the set of fucking Rocky. And it was bed Rocky. And it was

bedlam. And Rocky won as well before they had the budget. Fucking broomy Rocky. Okay. Adrian! You know the story of Rocky, by the way? Let me finish my story.

Order! Order! I apologise to the honourable story. Order! Order! Order! I apologise to the honourable gentleman. Order! It was really, really fucking rough, as you'd expect. First ten minutes was blinding. I was like, oh, I'm the king of boxers. I'm now going to be, this is my fucking people.

And then, like, all the... You do look like Mickey from Rocky, actually. And then in the last ten minutes minutes they all just lost focus and i was like wow that really started dipping off as they just was like yeah we're bored of this and in the car i just got in the car and i had a a journalist with me the most rant no not journalist a student who was doing ph a phd and he was studying the life of comedians on the road he i couldn't have picked a worse night a gig to have this guy he's called thomas lovely lad he'd been with me to like the nottingham glee and baby blue and i was like he lived in staffordshire and i was like i'm in birmingham you should come to one of these gigs it's an independent so the whole night getting

to the boxing club watching a spa in the dressing room watching doing a gig to a load of coked up fucking maniacs was this phd student called thomas and as the night was on it went on his eyebrows just got higher and higher like what the fuck is your job i was like i don't know it's mental but it's not usually this mental and as we got in the car he was just about to go wow that was quite interesting and a guy just knocked on my window went uh yeah you know you're doing that fucking those talking about coke do you want some and i should have just gone no but i was like really what you got he was like i've got that flake i've got that flake 50 i've got that flake. I've got that flake. 50. I've got that flake for 50.

I was like, I'm all right, thank you. I'm with a PhD student. And, oh, the look on his fucking face. Birmingham. It can be beautiful at the Glee, but in places it can be fucking toasty. Shout out to Thomas, the PhD student. I hope he wrote about that the night we got offered flake

in King's Heath. Flake. Rocky. Rocky. Go go on what's the story of rocky just the um stephen seagal no sylvester sloan easy easy you've got some i'll fuck him where's the dinger where's the dinger just that helen No, no, no. Sylvester Sloan, he took the script, because he wrote it, didn't he? Wrote it, wrote it, wrote it, wrote it.

He took it to the man and was like, I've written this. And they were like, sound mate, we want to buy that off you for whatever he got offered and we're going to put some cunts as the lead role, Jean-Claude Van Damme.

And he basically went, nah mate, I'm starting in it. Go fuck your mother. And then he let him do it. Wow. This Sylvester Sloan, right, Rocky? I'm so impressed. Yeah. Wrote Rambo as well? I'm so impressed. Yeah. Wrote Rambo as well.

I'm fucking out. And he wrote Peppa Pig. And he wrote the Royal Tenenbaums. Royal Family. Schindler's List. Cars 2. Cars 2.

The Pianist. Yeah. Nail by Mouth. Bad Boys. Men in Black. This kid's an amazing playwright, isn't he? the pianist yeah nil by mouth bad boys men in black he's an amazing playwright isn't he

amazing playwright Hamlet and he played left back for Wimbledon and he's got a forklift truck licence

he's an amazing amazing guy 2008 Ford Fiesta but it's souped up got rims and that a microwave in the back of his fucking ford fiesta like the old russell's ad there and his uncle pete's in prison but don't judge him you don't even know him and he sells flag for 50 flag got that fly ow i don't know what just hurt how's your um how's your weight loss going i'm just getting to the point my beer 52 order my second beer 52 order just arrived and i was like oh jesus and i considered getting on it because it's very nice i am on board with the beer52.com and my second but i am starting to get

to the point where there's something's gonna have to happen i think we might have to start a podcast fat club or something look at him he's drinking you can't hear this but he's just drinking his fucking water pretentiously um my weight loss is going really well actually i am two pounds away from dropping a full stone i've dropped 12 pounds um do you feel like a different person great lovely humor lovely humor yeah 12 pound off i'm down to 15 stone 8 what's your target? 14 stone at the end of the year right got another stone and 8 to go this year and then get another stone off next year

right you've been jogging still you've been doing the jogs or you're just doing the diet? yeah I was meant to go golfing tomorrow as well but my cousins put us back out so I'm either going to go golf on my own or just not go tomorrow but we'll see I'm either going to go golf on my own or just not go tomorrow,

but we'll see. I've been going to driving range most nights, twatting some balls and that. You getting into it? Oh yeah, fucking loving it, kid. I haven't had a drink for four weeks either, tomorrow, four weeks tomorrow. The last lockdown lock-in that we did was the last time

I had a booze. And I was going to have a booze the night me special come out, just as a little, ah, that's over. Let's have a little celebration drink. And I resisted the urge. And I'm now not going to drink until Liverpool play their first game back, which is in three weeks or two and a half weeks. But I might get there and just fuck it off and carry on going as well

and see how long I can go without the booze. Yeah, because like you say, it just all fucks it up, doesn't it? It all trips over the, oh, Phil, hug over and I want salt and bread. Yeah. I have gone past the shit food craving though. I drove past the Chippy last night

and I imagined eating chips and I didn't get an erection. So that's gone now. That must have... That's a good sign. That's a good sign. That's a good sign. I was just like, if I had chips, I'd regret it.

I can taste the regret on chips that I haven't got. Oh my God. You get a little round of applause at Slimming World for that shit. Adam, you've broken the seal. You've broken the seal. Sometimes it's a round of applause and sometimes you think it's a round of applause

and it's just three fat women leaving and their thighs clapping together. Disgusting! Honestly, that'll get you thrown out of Slimming World. That'll get you. But have you done a... So you've not done a... I can't, mate.

I saw a queue for McDonald's yesterday and I just... I haven't done it. I'm not going for McDonald's yesterday, and I just... I haven't done it. I'm not going to. Wait, where do you sit with this? Because it's not making me like people more. I'll say that. I was like, Laura, what's going on, man?

There is a fucking 48-car queue for Maccy D's, and I know people like it, but how can... 48 cars. That's not going like that, is it? Mate, I've sat at McDonald's waiting for 10 minutes when there's four fucking cars in front of me. Like, come on. Maccy D's is all right, but it's not that good.

They don't have anything else to do with their time. They might as well wait in that queue because they're either sat in their car or sat on the couch. People are just fucking bored. You know what I mean? Like, fuck it. Like was if i was one of the people who eats things like mcdonald's and other such i mean it's not you is it it's not you if i was one of those people i'd probably sit in that queue but i'm not anymore i made my own

chicken curry last night it was less than 500 calories for a bowl and i can't wait till you're a vegan so much more satisfying than a big mac or anything like that i mean for me i would personally get in a 48 rq 48 car q for the organic fresh fresh fruit and veg but that is it you know if there was a 48 car q to fill this water bottle up of course you need hydration 68 for for kale that's you now adam isn't it that's you well mcdonald's are a known member of the builder big group and queuing or i miss you need of children that have been sacrificed it's just not what's something i'm into i i think you're gonna live longer you're gonna be better i mean if you keep it up you're gonna be be better. I mean, if you keep it up, you're going to be better. But I honestly, even though it'll probably take some of your life expectancy away, I'll be happy when the Adam that would wank off a tramp for a steak bait comes back.

I'll be all right with it. That's all I'm saying. I'm happy that you do. You do you. Live and let live. You do you. But if dirty little fucking meat craving fucking Mackackie d's bumming adam rowe comes back i'll be like welcome back love it he'll be back soon you'll see i'll remember it

belongs to me i i couldn't i couldn't queue for more than 10 minutes 15 minutes from but with kfc i am getting to the point where i know it's been open for a week and i've seen some bad cues and i'm just like i can't do it but i am getting close to the father so it's totally hypocritical i'd love a single oh love a zinger tower burger meal with a fucking snack wrap on the side i'm a i'm aware that you don't think it does. I think, for me, KFC is my favourite beyond Maccy D's. Maccy D's is always like, eh, it's fine. Breakfasts are good. But KFC is the one.

I think KFC. I can have KFC like once a fortnight. I can have Maccy's four nights a week. No, you used to, Adam. Oh, yeah, obviously. Old Adam could, that dirty pig. That's where I got all zen. That big fat pig.

But now, little skinny fucking soon-to-be-vegan Ro. I used to be a fat, obese burden to the NHS, and now, if anything, I'm helping them. You're a non-binary quendo. Let's have a word from our sponsors. A fresh fruit and veg store in Adam's area. Shout out to Trans Alloy Wheels. Alloy Wheel Refurbishments, car bodywork and customization services

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The main thing is, Charlie and the guys at Trans-Ilo wheels have supported us during the Rona. They've sponsored this podcast, and we want to support them. We can't go and get our cars sorted just yet. As soon as the Rona's done, I'm going. In the meantime, I'm going to follow them online. We'd love it if you could do it as well. On Facebook, they're Trans Alloy Wheels. That's all one word, Trans Alloy, all one word, wheels.

Give them a like, give them a follow. They're on Twitter, at Trans Alloy W. Trans Alloy, all one word, wheels. Give them a like, give them a follow. They're on Twitter at TransAlloyW. TransAlloyW. And have a look for TransAlloyWheels on Instagram. They've shown this podcast some love. Let's show them some love back. All right, back to the pod. Your ma and da listen to Have A Word.'s my day today isn't it hey adam's in charge

pod i've got two questions a shag maria void oh another shag maria void sort of thing another shag maria void sort of thing uh would you rather we'll see how far we get in the next sort of 25 minutes we'll see how far we get into it and then of 25 minutes. We'll see how far we get into it. And then we've got some hover words at the end. We're doing a fucking pod done. Love it. By the way, if you don't know, on the Patreon episode just gone, which would have been, what, the

3rd of June, we had people request doing a Shag Mary avoid. So I fucked around with it and it worked really well. Had rather a lot of fun. I'm going to run with the form. This is the first time I'll have done it on the public apps.

Do you want to start with that then? No, whatever. Yeah, if you want, that'd be great. Okay, so I've got three of these sorts of things. So we'll start with the traditional. Shag, Marry, Avoid. Yeah. If you're presented with the traditional. Shag, money, avoid. Yeah.

If you were presented with the options. So we've got the queen. Yeah. Judith Keppel, who, for those who can't remember, was the first ever winner of the million on who wants to be a millionaire and went on to be one of the eggheads. And Hillary Clinton.

Shag, money, avoid. The queen, Judith Keppel and hillary right well big liz i know what big liz looks like i mean she's 94 so this is fucking brutal hillary clinton uh you need her testing because she slept with bill aren't you dirty bill um we've got neighbors at the end of the street who are called bill and hillary and that's how they introduced themselves like hello it's bill bill and hillary like the clintons and i tell you what cheesy as fuck but i've never forgotten the names there's absolutely no way they don't bum kids together they're pedophiles they must be if they introduce themselves like that. Let me have a

look at Judith Keppel. I really hope none of my neighbours ever listen to this because it's... Could you imagine how shitty the next... Look at Brad from number 42, he does a podcast. What's it called? Have a word. Yes. Let's just listen to the latest one. If we like it, then we'll go back to the start.

Bill! Bill! Bill Myers! And the Christians as well. Bill Adams onto us! Let them out the shed! Oh, mate. What is it about women past fucking this age that you're just like, blech.

They just look so grey, don't they? I'm sort of into it, me. When I'm hungover, sometimes I watch a bit of granny porn. No. No, you don't. No, you don't. I do. I do.

I do. Oh, God. Is it something about young Scouse men that love a bit of gran? You look like someone shagging a plastic bag full of veins and bones. of veins and bones. But at least the plastic bag is not going to go. Not like a bag for life. It's like one of the free ones

they give you to put meat in. One of the ones from co-op that's slightly like you can, it's biodegradable. One of the ones that you can take off's slightly like you can it's biodegradable so it's got that you know the one of the ones that you can take off the roll yourself to put some onions in nothing like a not like a young bag for life i'm talking a bag for the next 20 25 minutes oh god shag marry avoid i mean if this game was called Avoid, Avoid, Avoid,

it'd be fucking simple. You've got to consider as well, Hillary Clinton has probably killed people, and the Queen more than likely. I can't believe, I can't believe, I can't believe my brain didn't go there straight away. Marry the Queen, because then I'm the fucking, I can't believe I can't believe my brain didn't go there straight away marry the queen because then

I'm the fucking oh shit I'm not the king I'm a damn it that's not how it works so Phil dies she's like

oh one wants a little bit of young dick and then oh I think I'll go to commoner fucking hell I'll make Kate Middleton look like look like a member of the proper member of the royal family.

What? How many years above you in school would the queen have been? Now, hang on. I'd have been in first year and she'd have been lower sixth. Go fuck yourself, you vegan quendo. Cha! Upset me, nasty bitch! I'm marrying the queen because then I'm the new

what is he the Duke of Westminster no he's not the Duke of Westminster he's a prince isn't he yeah but he's also the Duke of Edinburgh mate you'd definitely be able to sell tickets at the Edinburgh Festival if you're the fucking Duke of Edinburgh.

Come on. Do you think you can be married to the Queen and you're still going to be allowed to do the fringe? That's one of the deals. That's one of the deals. Like, if she wants all of this, if Liz wants all of this, give me some of that fucking little That proletariat fucking White hammer

Give me some of that biodegradable bag Pussy If you're the Duke of Edinburgh you've got to get a semi-decent room You can definitely get aircon And even if you can't get aircon You could just pay poor people to blow Blow on the audience Which really in the COVID

Post-COVID era is probably not going to go down that well i'd fuck off the tattoo you know you know in front of the castle like have you heard dan nightingale's got a show yeah it's 8 p.m where is it yeah he's fucked off that tattoo so he's just he's right in front of the castle still still free fringe how's he doing reviews wise not great not great chortle chortle gave it too have you heard about Steve Bennett yeah he died in a fucking tunnel in Paris cunt

fucking hell I'm burning some bridges on today's episode fuck the comedy loft fuck Daryl Martin fuck Sean Almond fuck Paul and Andy Nightingale fuck Steve Bennett Comedy Loft. Fuck Daryl Martin. Fuck Sean Almond. Oh, no. Oh, no. And Andy Nightingale.

Fuck Steve Bannon. Fuck the Edinburgh Fringe. Have a weird all day long. Sign up to our fucking Patreon. Dan's going to fucking need a kiss. I'm marrying the Queen. Judith Keppel. I don't know.

I... I... I'd bang Hillary. I'd avoid Judith because I couldn't give a shit. I just don't know. I just think if I've got a new Edinburgh show and I've got to fill those seats in front of the Edinburgh Castle, I want to do the show about being married to the Queen, and also I'm closing on the bit where I fucked Hilary. I'm marrying Judith Keppel. Why?

Because she just looks like a nice lady. I reckon you could get on with her. Fucking hell. What? She's insane. This is weird. fucking hell what she seems sound this is weird like I'm taking this game very seriously she seems like a really nice type of woman who's got doilies

and that's marriage material for me and I'm shagging the queen because what a fucking story that is and I'm not going near Hillary Clinton because I think she's dodgy yeah like the queens uh um yeah i don't really want to bang hillary but it's still again it's gotta bang someone yeah you've got to aren't you you've got to just like bill like can i watch get some of that arkansas pussy right was my sexual relations with my woman oh

you're getting better where are these little coming from man man alive you are so much better at impressions than i gave you credit for is it consensual with with hillary it is consensual all these games are consensual aren't they yeah of course it is because it's not shag it's not rape marry avoid what a horrible game the game is rape abduct and the podcast is off the air all right okay oh so you're you're marrying the queen you're shagging Hillary And you're avoiding Judas Judas is the most harmless one of the lot You're a fucking weirdo

I want stories out of it I want stories out of it So the next one Little twist Laura comes to you She's being given a shag A sort of thing like this And she says Dan we're married

I want your input. What would you like me to do? Okay. So she's got to shag one of these. Right. She's got to work for one of them for the rest of her life. Yeah. Or avoid them.

Okay. So it's shag once, work for forever, or avoid. I love it when you start playing with the phone. Love it, Adam. Laura, go. Donald Trump, Rupert Murdoch, Jeffrey Epstein, who for the purposes of this is still alive.

Uh... Right. I love that you brought a dead man back. So we've got Donald Trump who is, you know, who he is and current president of the United States. We've got Rupert Murdoch who essentially controls a lot of

the media worldwide and especially in the UK and is once quoted as saying he hates the EU because he can't control them. And we've got Jeffrey Epstein who is a billionaire paedophile who had an island where he used to send people to fuck kids so shag work for avoid

right she's shagging Epstein right which I don't think she's going to be dead happy about even when she was alive, he's not. But from the point of, like, the greater good,

at least for that night, he's banging a 34-year-old woman and not, like, a 14-year-old Haitian fucking girl who's been brought to some big island, like, well, you're paying for my family's clothes. And that was my Haitian. So that is one. That's where she takes one for the team. Okay?

It's not about what she wants. It's about the greater good. Donald Trump. I don't want anything to do with that horrible fucking cheese puff. He, oh, God, he's making my eyes water at the moment fuck me i can only imagine what jilly bean and all our american listeners are going through if they didn't vote for him they must be like and if they did you're in that position of like do you double down and go nope he's our president and i think he stands you know he's literally he's oh he's still the odds-on favorite to win the next election and odds-on basically means the bookies are overconfident of it happening wow wow

you have to bet more than you would win well Well, yeah, just tell you what, like you said on Monday, waking up to Twitter is fucking difficult. Laura's brought it up several times, like, why won't someone just shoot him? Because that's a really British thing of like, you've all got guns, someone fucking shoot him. They're not even trying like erm but er if she works for Murdoch

I'm potentially getting free Sky so that's you know what I mean I know he's the son and I'm having nothing to do with that but

he does he does own Sky and I just had my Sky go out this morning the direct debit and it's hashtag a motherfucker

and it's about to get bigger because i've paused the sport they're like do you want to pause the sport i was like yes i do dickheads because sports been paused not fucking paying you 20 quid a month for jack shit we've got the best of the 2006 2007 season couldn't give a fuck so yeah she'll work for murdoch is that all right I feel like I thought that through. But fucking, she's having nothing to do with Trump. I disagree with you, though. Go on.

For me, Jade is shagging Murdoch. Get that over and done with. She's working for Trump, but she's going to push things towards the left. Right, yeah. And she's avoiding Epstein at all costs because she's going to then, if she had to work for Epstein when they start off and other people

are going to offer it as well. So she's avoiding Epstein. Shag Murdoch, get that out the way. Don't really want much to do with him. He won't even fucking remember the senile old cunt. And he can get involved with Donald Trump and he can she can be like, oh, Donald, don't you think that legislation needs to be changed? Look, I'm a young

woman, wouldn't you like to see my tits? Well then, give black people and women equal rights. So she could solve some problems there. That's my answer. Yeah, RuPaul Murdoch's 89 years old, so that's what you just signed Jade up for. His bum's dusty, innit?

Yeah. When he comes, it looks like John Coffey spitting the fucking locusts out of his own mouth. I'm tired boss dog time dog time y'all like junk coffee dog time now boss you're like John Coffey don't turn on boss don't turn

oh god oh Adam Rao you know the Dusty Spunk thing has been done in stand up Dave Johns what did dave johns has got a bit about it when he's like when i come now it looks like two two chalkboard cleaners being banged together and i've heard like different versions of it oh butffey and the fuck. Oh, man.

Oh, God, that film, The Green Mile. Fuck me, I love that film. Do you know, I once made my mate Claire watch that. This is years ago, and we'd been properly out doing coke. We'd been up till late, and then we got, like, four or five hours of patchy sleep. There was nothing on on the Sunday. It was before I met Laura.

I was like, oh, it's just like, get on the couches at hers and just like watch some films and she was like right and then we watched something really gentle and easy and she's like oh i haven't got loads of other options and she had the green mile was on sky she'd saved it on sky or something you could download it i was like oh the green is so good she was like right yo right we'll watch it she didn't she'd never seen it and i sort of forgot you know my memory of the green mile is that it's brilliant i forgot how emotionally loaded it loaded it is and she'd had about three and a half hours sleep like classes in a system and towards the end of that film i hadn't realized she was crying and I looked over

and it was like it was, you know when you're like oh someone that's really, she was like fucking tears running down her face as John Coffey gets fucking oh god oh Adam, fuck me alright go on number three Oh, God. Oh, Adam. Fuck me. All right.

Go on. Number three. Fucking hell. Similar to what you did the other day, this one, on the Patreon episode. So, three comedians. Yeah. You've got to watch one.

Yeah. Collaborate one. Yeah. And erase the other one from history so it's like they never existed including all their works just gone fucking hell uninstalled deleted the files

I think I know which way you're going to go here and I think I'm going to disagree with you Bernie Mac Richard Pryor fuck and Dave Chappelle oh Jesus Christ

I feel like I'm giving you Sophie's choice here and I'm fitting for the show with Etta and Laura like I'm killing one kid. One of them's fucking gone. Right. Well,

Bernie Mac has got one of my favorite ever clips. You'll recognize it because we fucking played it on the intro. I'm hung low. I put my shit

on this whole room. Get to know that whole piss date that we did way back on the podcast where you were like, I'm hung high i'm light structured if i pull my shit out this whole room get bright

fucking makes me laugh randomly that when that happens richard pryor is so instrumental to american comedy and dave chappelle is he's he's up there with the absolute best ever never mind best at the moment although he you know some people really take against the stance he takes but in a like we discussed when you were talking about his last special he's taken a stance at a time where it's more needed than ever for someone to have the to not worry about the career and be like oh can't say that he's like no no we need to be seen yeah seen a phenomenal thread on twitter the other day which i'll send you after this and i'll retweet it on the have a word account um about dave chappelle uh and his it's basically from about 10 years ago he popped into a comedy

club and someone he was asking the audience give me something to riff on and i'll just make jokes up on the spot about that subject and someone uh suggested police brutality and it basically goes through what he said that night and um how he with it. And it's phenomenal. Well worth a little two-minute read. Who are you watching, collabing and erasing here, kid? Made it hard here, haven't I? This is a hard one. Yeah, I'm going to watch Richard Pryor

live at the Sunset Strip. Me too. Because, because that would be the best special ever. Yeah. That would be the best special ever. Yeah. That would be the best I would have stand-up ever caught on camera, arguably. Yeah, to see that would be something amazing.

And we've talked about it before, but you can laugh at that now. I would collaborate with Chappelle. I would collaborate with Chappelle because I think I think where he's at now just I mean if we're literally thinking literally for him to be involved in this podcast would put us and this podcast into a different fucking

universe wouldn't it it would be like it would be like being made by the godfather. Godfather, yeah. And I wish more famous comics would reach down. There's not a massive culture of that in Britain,

of like the bigger comics just reaching down and going, you know that thing you're doing? Let me help. Like Manford's amazing for it. John Bishop's done it. Millican's done it. But it's not the overwhelming tendency of bigger British acts to be like, oh, I remember struggling as well. It's more like, wellican's done it, but there's not like, it's not the overwhelming tendency of bigger British acts to be like, oh, I remember struggling as well, it's more like, well, I got here, why

can't you, fuck's sake, and I will cancel Bernie Mac as much as that hurts my soul a little bit, I've seen some of his stuff from the 90s, where he, uh, he is doing some slightly uncomfortable stuff about one of his brother's kids. Do you realise we're doing this? Yeah. You're going to delete Charlie's Angels with Cameron Diaz in. I'm also, I'm deleting one of the best... I thought about that just before you answered.

I'm deleting one of the best characters from Bad Santa, which is, yeah, but the best characters from Bad Santa, which is right, yeah. But the thing is with Bernie Mac is he's from a different era. He's from a different world than ours, and the rules have changed, but they were changing around him. And, like, he drops faggot in a way that even I, who like him and know him, have gone like, ooh, that is, it just doesn't age well. Not that I'm saying he wasn't brilliantly talented,

because he was, he was incredible, but I'd cancel it because it doesn't sit well. It doesn't, now, what Richard Pryor did in the 70s stands the test of time. And I've heard people say about Eddie Murphy as well, you know, like, raw, is fucking so and it's because you're like yep in there from it it's from a different time and it was acceptable in their world and now the world's moved on so i would use that as my reason because that is none of that's an easy cancel but i will i also think he's the lesser of the three stand-ups.

You're talking about two of the best ever and Bernie Mac being basically incredibly fun, but not because he's one of the all-time greats. Is that a decent answer? Right now, I am exactly the same. I expected you to erase Chappelle and keep Bernie Mac just because I know how much of a Bernie Mac fan you are but I was basically going to make

the argument you've made and I think Chappelle especially when you read that thread from the other day the amounts of specials he's put out recently Chappelle's show which basically changed the way American sketch comedy was done forever like Key and Peele who are phenomenal essentially just did the

Chappelle show once Chappelle fucked off. Yeah, so I think Chappelle, you collaborate with him. You've got to watch Richard Pryor just because of who he was and what he did for comedy. And sadly, that means Bernie Mac disappears for good. The Bernie Mac thing is

the reason I love him is basically because of a couple of Def Jam things and a few TV appearances. That doesn't, it's a bit like a player like Matt Letizia, who was like, wasn't he amazing fun? And then talking about like a fucking, another level up is like Maradona and Pele.

Like, yeah, he's brilliant fun fun but he wasn't at the fucking same level and the Chappelle thing I think you thought I'd cancel him because I I love that that within our industry at a time and I think there might be we might be seeing the first like the high watermark got up there of like woke politically correct comedy and i think that might be coming back down a little bit now because the the wave of sort of political correctness hits doesn't it and go no we should push further and then obviously that doesn't mean that that's the line and that's always the there's going to be people that turn around go hang on you can have a sense of humor about things you can talk about race and sexuality and the gender,

the pay equality or whatever without it being offensive, without it being like hate speech. And I feel like it's just coming back a little bit. And I think Dave Chappelle's part of that, totally part of that. Oh, 100%. And the things that are going on right now, the coronavirus and the essentially American revolution, the second one,

I think they're going to massively go in the favour of that as well, because it's going to be very, very difficult to not seem fucking insane to come back after this and get offended by something that gets said in a comedy club. Like,

you're going to look a bit fucking stupid to be like, actually, I really don't think that that's okay and people are gonna go well you're a virtue signaling piece of shit and you have been for a long time and you should have learned a lot from the past year so i do think that's gonna go away but but as but as well like you can hate someone's comedy and you can refuse to laugh and you can not buy a ticket but stop trying to cancel people be a fucking grown-up and and when you call someone a nazi without them being a nazi that's so fucking damaging because you're pushing people toward like these far-right groups like you're almost normalizing like oh it's so difficult you have to be a grown-up about it

being able to judge where hate speech starts and finishes because if you don't you blur the lines and you basically normalize those fucking right-wing hateful nazi cunts because they can hide in the midst of everyone going well i've just got a sense of humor if you make it clearer where they are and where jokes are and where hate speech is, it's so important. And that's where I think Netflix is massively influential. And that's where I think, I've said it before, I think we lag behind. We have too many gatekeepers on content on British TV and the internet, it's been said by many a comic, is the great revolution for content because finally you can go,

this is what I do and this is where I'll do it. And if you like my stuff, come and find me. I'll be doing it here. Netflix, let everyone do whatever. There's many different, Mike Babiglia is very different from Dave Chappelle, but they're all on the same content. If you go to Live at the Apollo and they're like,

we think you're great, this is what we'd like you to do live at the Apollo and they're like, we think you're great, this is what we'd like you to do live at the Apollo, they vet your fucking set. Like with Finn Taylor the other day, go, you can't say that, you can't do that joke, you can't do that joke. Bring on just an open fucking arena for content and comedians to do their stuff.

It's what the internet's for, innit? And that's why it's a good time to be putting shit out. And that's why I've, like, it's great for me with that special. I've just put out because I'm just going, here's what I've made. No one gets to tell me what to do with it. It's on YouTube. Watch it or don't.

I don't give a fuck. Yeah, one of the best things about comedy clubs, you are, you're the only people that are judging the crowd. And you could say, well, promoters are judging. Promoters just judge off the crowd in the main. So if it's funny, the crowd will laugh. And if they, if it's not funny, they won't. And then all of a sudden, instead of a TV producer and a, you know, like a television channel deciding if that suits their sort of remake, you just get to go, I'll just put that straight out. Oh, fucking joyous it's beautiful beautiful beautiful that

was a good one man that was a good one i like how you tried to uh trick me i love this new game i am a big fan of shag maria void or any variation you want to do if you can think of one i have i have others waiting for next time i'm doing it as well i wrote a few more as well can i do one can i quickly do one for you adam i wrote it today why not come on kids right this one is an animal based one it's rescue so you have to basically have you don't adopt it rescue become bum so you have to rescue one animal and keep it with you Jade and Minnie

become one of these animals or bum one cat dog parrot where you at I think it's very difficult to bum a cat Steve Harris oh shit

he does a bit on that doesn't he yeah you can't yeah that's going to be hard aggressive it's going to be a big dog in it you want one of them big dopey dogs I'd be a parrot I'm rescuing the dog right

no I'm not I'm rescuing can I just say you can't bum a parrot because that's one of the few animals I'm going to bum the cat that can be a witness in your prosecution.

Polly, what happened? I'm afraid. What's up with this parrot? It's been watching a lot of HBO. I'm going to bum the cat I am going to get that cat and ruin its day oh schnauf

schnauf I'm going to rescue the parrot and I'm going to become a dog I just think dogs have a fairly good life. I was going to become the parrot, but then I'm like, I don't want to be in a fucking cage all day. Being a dog, you get treats, you get to go for a walk, you get to sniff shit.

It could be a wild parrot. You've not seen Rio. No. I'm going to rescue the parrot. And then I'm going to become a dog. A good dog as well. And then I'm going to rescue the parrot and then I'm going to become a dog. A good dog as well. And then I'm going to fucking end that cat's fucking hymen.

I'd rescue a cat, bum a dog, become a parrot. I just won't fly. I won't fly far, far away. Tired now, boss. So tired. Rupert! Put your dick away!

Do you want a cracker? I want counselling! Let's have a word from our sponsor oh I have fucking lulled today kid I have

I don't think Dave Chappelle's gonna wanna work with us that's what I'm gonna say I don't think after the parrot rape bit Dave Chappelle's gonna be like

these guys you know them You love them It's Vauxhall Comedy Club In that there London If you're visiting London If you're going down For the weekend

Take your missus Take your fella Take them to go And see comedy There's some cracking Comedy shows In London Some of them

And I've played them Are a little lacking In fucking soul Vauxhall Comedy Club. This is a comedy club done with love and care and done properly. In a great room with great atmosphere with brilliant comics. Some from the TV, some up-and-coming circuit talent. And the absolute best of it, if you're there for the weekend, is Friday and Saturday night.

And down at Vauxhall Comedy Club, they call it Bottomless Booze Comedy. So basically, you pay them an entry fee with the money for your booze included. It's 25 quid, it's a 90-minute show, and you also get bottomless booze, wine, beer, cider, 25 quid. There's also a spirit and mix of bottomless ticket. That starts at £35. If you're a purist, you're staying sober, you're fucking ziving, the ticket's just a tenner.

Once we're done with the Rona and back to normal trading, Vauxhall Comedy Club is usually open Monday to Saturday. It's right next to a street food garden. And between now and then, do us a favour and have a word and follow the Vauxhall Comedy Club online. You can join the mailing list. It's at Vauxhall Comedy Club on Insta, at Vauxhall Comedy on Twitter and Vauxhall Comedy Club on Facebook.

It's an over 18 night out. And you never know, come the autumn, you might see me and Adam there. From Texas to Skem, every lead is listening to the funniest podcast in the game This is Have A Word What time is it Dan? Two seconds Lin Shout out little Vinny you have with your friends. This was going to be the whole podcast.

Now it's just the final 10%. Shout out, Little Vinny. What a tune. I sing that round the house now. It's starting to drive Jade fucking up the wall. So thank you to Little Vinny for that because you know what? I enjoy doing it. I do.

you to uh little vinnie for that because you know what i i enjoy doing it i don't um i've got some have a words for adam and dan um we've already sort of covered the first one so i'm gonna just delete that um okay have a word so do you want a porn-themed have a word or a lockdown-themed have a word? Let's start with porn and block it off with lockdown. Okay. What's happening, fellas? I have an age-old have a word for you. I want you to have a word with my girlfriend as she says that watching porn is basically

cheating on her. We're currently long distance because we go to the same university. So my argument is that it's just a stimulant or a prompt, whereas she sees it as me fantasizing over other girls,

which I don't think is true. She hadn't told me. She doesn't like it until now, but she's still upset. So I said, it's like if I gave her a massage every night and it was giving her excruciating back pain. If she doesn't tell me till night seven, she can't be pissed off that I've been rubbing her back for six days.

I definitely understand her side of it. I call bullshit on that. Considering she doesn't watch porn, so tell me if she has a point and I'm essentially mentally cheating on her or if she needs to give it at a wobble. Cheers, lads. From a dedicated Werders original

who wishes to remain anonymous. I mean, I think... I mean, this bitch is crazy. Using porn is disgusting. You need to sort yourself out awful do you understand this point of view at all for a woman to have obviously Laura doesn't have it

Jade doesn't have it we have our Thursday nights as we all know just think it's maybe maybe this is wrong but I think it sounds a bit immature

I think it sounds very immature it's the same feeling of like insecurity like did you just look at another girl across the sixth form common room you're like oh grow the fuck up like you're doing a long distance relationship and he's you're like you can't i know we've not seen each other for two and a half months, but don't look at naughty, naked girls. Like, it's not real, is it? I think this girl was having a bad fucking day. She's bored in the lockdown and she just wanted a fucking fight like they all do every now and then.

She was fucking bored and she was like, I'm'm gonna pick a fucking fight and she's gone for this she's being a fucking twat fuck oh god here he goes um i just it's fucking stupid and it's fucking naive if there's any woman listening to this who thinks their partner doesn't fantasize about other women you're a fucking lunatic okay we even fantasize about other women while we're fucking you and sometimes we fantasize about uglier women so that we don't

come too quick okay there you go we're constantly thinking about whatever we need sometimes we're like oh I'll think about

the hottest woman I've ever seen there we go I'm fully erect oh I'm gonna come hang on here's Gail Platt now we're back to

level playing field. Where's your head go? Where's your head go when you're trying to slow the flow? Where's your head go? I think of Gail Platt eating like an oyster or like it's not sexy.

Oh my God. If I wanted to... The thing is you don't want to lose the erection completely just listening to my dad eat a Sunday roast. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. My dad. Oh, it's... I've never known noise like it.

And you look across... Is that... Your mouth must... Your jaw must be broken. And that's why that and then his mouth is closed there's just so much noise going on like a fucking oh like the symphony hall with fucking meat and two veg twirling around that would stop me coming to the point where i'd be like i'm really sorry we're gonna have to give me half an hour and start again yeah i just just don't know man what are you on about unless you're into some like

unless it's nasty stuff and you and you're a girl and you you're like i don't mind you looking at porn but like what is that that you're looking at because sometimes there's some point like i'm like i'm into porn and then laura goes laura and I've never done the, what porn you into? Cause sometimes I'm like, I don't want anyone to know exactly what porn. And I find myself enjoying, this is weird. I can't decide when, you know,

when you've watched so much porn and you're like, you go up the levels and then like, we've talked about it. When you're hung over, it gets a bit like, you go a bit weird. But sometimes I love, I've watched so much porn, it's almost like watching loads of stand-up.

It's like watching loads of stand-up when you want to then listen to podcasts about comedy. You want to see behind the curtain. I sort of like, I like the porn where you can tell, especially for some reason, when girls don't enjoy rimming and it's part of the film

and they've got to like lick a man's bum hole and there's some girls are like wicked let's get down there this is what we train for and they're like and you're like wow and fucking hell has she been intermittent fasting

because she is chowing down on butt cheeks and the guy's like whoa and then there's other girls and you can tell off camera someone's I don't know what they can't be like

rimming or if they've just got like a little card that they're like and now it's rimming or if it's like position five is rimming and you can almost see the girl be like i'm just like i don't know i don't know how a porn star i would love to get a porn star on here and just ask some questions is that totally dick totally dick fit fo come on is that i love it is there is there like a producer going right because you never hear it or do they stop the i they must just stop the recording be like right next position but it happens quite naturally sometimes or are they just going on instinct but i i sort of find it really entertaining when you can tell the girls like i don't want to lick his bum that's where poo comes

from and i'm like yeah yeah exactly it doesn't matter how many times you shave it it's still your arsehole he's still and then she's there like like like a trial trying to eat fucking brussels sprouts that she doesn't want to eat. I find it weirdly entertaining. I'm not sure I'm enjoying it. I just find it very real. I find it quite, I don't know why I enjoy it. Like, I mean, it's all consensual.

They want to be there. And I've said before, I don't like all the Eastern European stuff where they're like, but I'm trying to feed my family. I want an American girl who's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm fine. But I'm doing to feed my family I want an American girl who's like yeah yeah yeah I'm fine but I'm doing this for money just that moment where you can see a guy

if this missus was like I don't want you watching that likes watching women lick bumholes against their will no no how dare you sir how dare you that is not true they they are willingly doing it but i like the scene the look of regret nearly done it's a bit like gigging at birmingham loft it's the it's the comedic the comedic

equivalent it's like when you look down you're like I'd love to walk off this stage at 16 minutes because they're all fuck knuckles selling each other coke and then you're like ah shit four minutes to go and then some bell-end shouts up at the back it's this as a performer I've been in that exact position she's like two scenes through the end she's like bumhole lick and then we're finished and then I can go home and have a cry in the shower that's exactly how I felt driving away from the Birmingham loft. I was like, oh god. Let's do the closing bit. Can I get a

50 bag of flake? So yeah, if it's just normal porn, just fucking grow up. But if it's like, you know, remorseful bum licking. Fucking. That is so fucking funny. We're going to end it there. That's a remorseful bum licking. Fucking. Oh, God. That is so fucking funny. We're going to end it there.

That's a pod. I'm going to keep the other one for Monday. We're running low on have a words. I'm fucking keeping it for Monday. It's been an hour and 15 minutes anyway. I don't give a fuck. I have lulled today, Adam Rowe. It's been a belter.

I've got a song for you. It's called An Evening With, and it's from a Manchester rap collective called The Dead Kings, which is Seymour, Pete Obsolete, and NCK. It's a fucking banger. Go and find them on social media. I'm sure they're everywhere. They didn't send us the links, though. They's a fucking banger. Go and find them on social media. I'm sure they're everywhere. They didn't send us the links, though.

They're called The Dead Kings. It's a fucking great track. I searched it on YouTube before. Nice little music video for it there. This is The Dead Kings with an evening with. We'll see you on Monday, and if anyone hasn't already, please go to youtube.com slash Adam Rowe Comedy

or just search Adam Rowe Full Show on YouTube and watch my new standup special. We're on 15,000 views now, which is fucking phenomenal. And just please keep watching it and sharing it and telling people about it as well as the podcast. Yeah. I'm doing the, also I'm doing the COVID arms tomorrow night,

which raises money for me and the, uh, what is it? The Trussell Trust. The Trussell Fund. Yeah. So if you want to see me try and remember my comedy tomorrow night from 7pm, it's online.

It's watched by a lot of people. It's called The Covid Arms, but do go and check out Adam's YouTube special Club Comic. Have a great weekend. You too, baby. Listen to the music and we'll see you Monday. Bye a great weekend. You too, baby. Listen to the music and we'll see you Monday. Bye. Dog time, Bosh.

Ah, dog time, Bosh. This is a mutual decision Me and C are feeling sick with the way that we're living Living with the fact that we've been forever so free We move the sheet and see it's an open air prison We're on the dark side of that moon No prism, it's a fast ride to doom With your face in the system

But wait, that's cynicism We're the opposite of fiction They're trying to take the wealth Rubric up the divisions We're weaker apart The future's bleakering parts We need to beat the deceivers With the Buddha palms

Tip a tip or rub the wiffle back And beat them to shards Let them bleed Then these sheep will be seeing the stars I'm out there watching, it's they live while you're coaching This dynamic duo burning foes with pen blotches A penny for your thought, now you're bought, it just slots in Money on your mind, it doesn't matter, that's a problem

It's taken me a while to see who a friend's from Those you have to leave behind, prone pretenders love to play the part I thrive from those genuine who look out for most You don't need to be a martyr to change someone's day through being kind-hearted All I'm saying is let's start where we all started Open-minded with a desire to move forward Support the causes you support the unsupported Representing those at home as much as the walls on where business is bought Nothing but justified extremism bereavement brought

And in the first world school of thought The things we complain of are madness when you reflect and stop Mobile phone lust doesn't compare to a breakfast molotov Where a cold is not a calm, toxic water is what you've got Disease free is a luxury, fast food is attached to a parachute Medicine has dilute if you want to the lucky few This is the reality but we know this already Shut the fuck up, change the channel on the telly Group of angry marginalized social outcasts

Being told how to act Belittled bedrooms taxed by the upper upper middle class Celebrated by those who would have loved ancient Rome This is nothing major An evening with the dead kings making a wager Wake up we put the ink to the paper Mancub providing the beats for the caper This is nothing major An evening with the dead kings making a wager Wake up!

We put the ink to the paper Mancub providing the beats for the caper Your whole life is erased I'm the drifter rolling with the with the shades on my face But I make peace See the truth in spitting black and white The colour that you're seeing is a lie see behind it the messages stay hidden to the sighted it's not apparent to the eye unless you imbibe

the hybrid or open your mind or open your mind's iris a good way to start retracting your eyelids and see the world for the real question what you feel they broke the deal but I'm breaking the seal I'm the bloke known for long coats, corks and starved steel hungry for the truth but uncruised my next meal, I'm not feeling it Brother I'm hardly even breathing in, reeling from the heavy air around us as they feel us in I heal too quick, I'm tied up, forcing a re-honest in

With the force of a fly guy, Leviathan, these dead kings Yo, cause this is nothing major, an evening with the dead kings making a wager Wake up, we put the ink to the paper Manca providing the beats for the keeper