Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #68 Shutdown Pod (VIA ZOOM) -w/Adam & Dan

Episode Date: June 26, 2020

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I can see fumes coming off your pum-pum look like petrol station. Disgusting! Follow us on social media at Have A Word Pod. And don't forget to watch our very funny podcast videos on YouTube. You can subscribe at youtube.com forward slash have a word pod. They go by Alan and Dave, Aaron and Dean, Grandad and the Yeti, or even Chanel and Denise. Have a word. hi hello sorry my daughter's just decided to try and choke herself to death on some fucking Pyroton because she's feeling all allergic.

So Laura, eight minutes before we were meant to do the pod, went, can you go to the pharmacy and get some Pyroton? And in my head, I was like, studio, studio. Nearly got a studio. So eight minutes before a pod, I'll be in a fucking studio in Runcorn and can't be doing any interest. We haven't told people yet, you know.

We only mentioned it on the Patreon. This is public. Oh, shit. I'd like to cut out the bag. It's okay. I think, yeah, once we've said it on Patreon, in my head, I'm like, well, we've said it, haven't we? It would be weird if we were like,

listen, guys, if you've not signed up to Patreon, sign up because we tell secrets. We'll tell everything on the Patreon. Yeah, so for anyone who can't sort of decipher what the fuck it is we're talking about, on Monday, me and Dan,

before we record Monday's episode, we are going to view a 325 square foot studio, baby. I measured you know it's like four times the size of my bedroom oh right okay yeah because we you know when we were doing that conversation on the phone and we you know like i think relatively we're quite intelligent i'm not saying we're fucking genius i think if you listen to enough of these podcasts you'll be like they've got some good points in places quite insightful in other spots oh definite fucking morons for a lot of the other time but listening to me and adam try and work

out the size of these studio spaces would not have made you think that we were like really high functioning adults did we figure it out was i like if you lay down and how many of you do you think your room is and then i did that as if i knew exactly what height you were and i was going to be able to figure it out it was an amazing moment right you not stretching but lying down shoes off just how many of you i was like i think there's i think there might be a more simple way of doing this you know like measurements and stuff but it's still it kind of works would you have to rack up next week for it to fill your room yes well that's how they used to measure horses isn't it by hands before someone fucking invented a tape measure back in the old thick as fuck days

they literally put, it was how your horse was how so many hands from the ground to their head or something hands literally just like fucking measured it whose hand, did they use the same hand Big Jeff

yeah you can't use little Steve he's not fucking measuring because it makes it seem massive him and his little fucking horrible hands

get Big Jeff I've got little tiny fucking gremlin hands right and like there's some comedians like Chris Washington

has got fucking shovel hands mate like his hands are like spades oh they're horrible so like the same horse could be fucking four of his hands or like spades oh they're horrible so like the same horse could

be fucking four of his hands or 63 of mine 63 of yours four of his and it's the same size fucking horse oh my god what a stressful little build-up to the show that is and it's just we get in a fucking studio i can feel it we were like right this is what we're willing to we've worked out what we need this is what we can afford and they came back and it was all pretty good so we're going we're meeting up social distance on monday it's fucking it's exciting mate i have i have ballsed up a part of my lawn i've had the paddling pool out and i've left it too long and I stupidly emptied it about three or four days ago and instead of moving it I was like, ah, well that bit's fucked anyway

we'll just leave it on there for a bit longer rest of the lawn's looking alright and it's gone fucking horrible but it's stinking but it's like rotting underneath so I'm just going to have to, I'm going to be one of them scally families with a perma fucking paddling pool I'm just going to have to, I'm going to be one of them scally families with a perma fucking paddling pool.

I'm just going to get bin liners over the top and be like, that'll be good in March. Leave it. Dad, it's frozen. You've ruined Christmas. Oh, fucking rank. So that's creeping in. Like the window had to be open.

Have you ever got a bath in the garden? You what? Would you ever get a bath in your pool? Is it big enough to get a bath in this morning this is gonna make me sound mental i woke up i was feeling a bit like you know when you're just like ah oh just a bit it was so hot last night wasn't it it was just fucking warm and i was all i've taken the duvet out me and laura have taken our duvets out. They're now here in the studio soundproofing. And I was just like wrapped up,

like twisted round in my duvet sheet. And then I just woke up. I was like, oh, I feel fucking meh. So I just went downstairs and I jumped in. It was raining. And I just jumped in the paddling pool to wake myself up. Etta was like, I can see it in her eyes sometimes. She's like, my dad is it in her eyes sometimes, she's like,

my dad is a dick, and it's great fun. All of a sudden, she sees me waddling past her, she's like halfway through her crumpet, like, what the fuck is he doing? And then she sees,

because I'm going to be her, like, serious father, and I can see it in her eyes, she's like, oh my god, he's an absolute bellend. So we were both in a paddling pool,

in the rain, about half nine this morning god fucking it'd be earlier than that jesus so yeah that might just have to be put up again over the rancid grass and just fucking hope it goes away i mean that's always a great technique to deal with stuff in it just cover it up and just hope it goes away how was your night sweet sweet pea were you how was your sleep was it good side of the road I near Anfield I'm in a bad way

oh but it was all worth it boy I woke up on the couch I come in and got on the couch so I didn't wake Jade up and woke up

at like 10 o'clock because Jade tapped me and was like you can come to bed stop being silly and I went upstairs I got her in bed for about 30 seconds and i was like no and jay what do you mean no i was like so hot i want the cold leather of the couch and i just went back and got back on the couch you did with me fucking done law pillow pillow you'd have been you'd have been in the

paddling pool this morning oh yeah rain or anything oh in fact i think leaving it up's a great idea just for my hungover neighbors so would you ever get a proper bath though that's what i was asking you what do you mean like if it was hot enough right and you needed a bath would you ever just fill it with like warm water a bit of radox and just fucking go for it well no because in in the way like in the summer when it's this hot i'll put the radox in and it can't i can't you can't warm it up it's just you can't in the winter you could warm you'd probably get about 20 minutes before it just went cold but yeah i could see that on a cold crisp winter's day and you filled up with hot water what hot water and had a bath outside

that would be mental. Why would you do it in winter? You'd be freezing. I mean, in the summer. But you go for the contrast, don't you? So in the summer, when it's piping hot outside, the paddling pool's cool and that's lovely. In the winter, if the paddling pool was warm

and it was freezing outside, that'd be amazing. Imagine getting out of it, you'd fucking freeze your nipples off. Yeah. You can't get a bath in the garden in the winter. That's mental. You do it in the summer, like an old person. When it's 29 degrees Celsius, warm it up, put a bit of Redox in,

pass out, drown in your own paddling pool. Oh, God. So how was your night as a Premier League champion in your own paddling pool. Oh, God. So how was your night as a Premier League champion in your lifetime? I mean, you're not a Premier League champion, but the team, you. Yes, I am.

Yeah. Fuck you. We won it. You never know, though, do you? You never know that, like, when I was at one of the games earlier this season, I just shouted the right thing

at the right time, which was a catalyst for a goal. And then winning that game gave them the confidence to go on the winning streak. You don't know whether I'm solely responsible for Liverpool's success.

You've got no idea. That sums up Adam Rowe, doesn't it? There's 50, 52 other thousand Liverpool fans. He's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, but you were all talking shit when I said hoof it up that was fucking genius

you're welcome Jürgen I can't laugh too much or I'll pass out and I'm not even messing I'm not messing how was it so where were you because obviously I went to the ground yeah but how was it? So where were you? Because obviously...

I went to the ground. Yeah, but... I went outside of the ground. But what... Tell us through, because there's so many Liverpool fans listening. And we purposefully... I mean, I sometimes reply to people on the email

when they send in a would you rather or a shag, marry and avoid about football. And it's always like, I always respond and say thank you. We just try not to do that on the pod there's so many pods that do it

but this is a bit different this is our lids big night this has been coming for a long time and it's not even even if you're not into sport

you can appreciate the human aspect of something that you're involved in and you support happening

and it's massive it's where you live so indulge us if you're not football and you support happening and it's massive. It's where you live. So indulge us if you're not football, but Liverpool won the fucking league. For the first time in 30 years and they weren't even fucking playing. I'll tell you what, I was totally ambivalent

because we won because Man City lost to Chelsea. That's how Liverpool won the league for anyone who doesn't know. And when I was watching that game, I didn't care about the results. I was like, we're going to win it. At some point, it doesn't matter. I said on TalkSport before I did an interview,

when the final whistle went, it was like someone had told me they'd found a bone marrow donor for me dad. It was just overwhelming. Oh my God. Finally, we've got what we need. Relief.

I'm on a drinking ban officially again because I'm trying to just do like six-week bursts of not whatever. And I told myself I wouldn't even drink when we were in the league because I'd wait to celebrate it when we're back. And I just needed a beer. Like, I didn't want one. I fucking needed a fucking bottle of Peroni. I got a bottle of Peroni.

Fucking torpedoed that, got the second one, and then I sat there with a whiskey. Were you at home at this point? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I was talking to my cousin, and I knew people were going into public places to celebrate it. And I was like,

we just decided, let's just go. Take a mask. Take some gloves with us. We'll keep as much of our distance as we can. Like, don't be dickheads about it. Don't be fucking hugging everyone and licking people.

You know, like, don't get me wrong, it was fucking mental there last night and there wasn't much social distancing going on, but we tried to do what we could. And it was just so fucking worth it what's the point of living what's the point of me dieting if I'm not

going to fucking go mad on a night like that it was phenomenal and I'd like to thank Jade for letting me go I come upstairs like fucking all of a sudden I was like Jade how would you feel about me going to the ground she was like what for

and I was like what do you mean what for to celebrate, to sing, to drink and she was like you better keep your fucking distance wear that fucking mask, wear your fucking gloves took some hand sanitiser with me as well it's amazing what this last three months has done to us

any 28 year old lad in the history of their team winning the Premier League, like, oh, God, we've won the fucking Premier League. I need a mask. I need gloves. I need hand sanitizer. Off I go. Now, what does the mask go with, home kit or away kit?

Home kit, away kit. What does it match well with? I've had this top on since, like, fucking 9 o'clock last night. Yeah. I stink, mate. I fucking stink. Where's West Derby in relation to, because Anfield's north Liverpool, isn't it?

North of the city centre. Sort of. Sort of, yeah. It's like, is it sort of like northeast? It's more east than north. Oh, okay, right. It is good, like, because when I come from, if I visit my family in Preston, it's more east than north oh okay right it is because when I come from

if I visit my family in Preston you come in that way don't you past Aintree where the Grand National is like there's a road that comes in through so how do you get from West so what time did you set off the game finished Chelsea Man City what time did that

finish that game finished, Chelsea-Man City. What time did that finish? That game finished about 10. And I set off... Was it all like last minute, like, fuck, I'm going to do it, I'm just going to go? Midnight. You set off at midnight?

Yeah. So you had a couple of hours at home. What were you like for that couple of hours? Just sort of fucking drinking it in. It literally felt like a proper relief, like a life or death relief. I know that sounds fucking dramatic and cliche, but it did.

It felt unbelievable. And I was like, I haven't got the facilities in this living room to let out the emotion that's in me. Yeah. I can't sit here and just sing Liverpool songs on my own. I've got to get this out somehow. So I was like, I'll just go in the garden and I'll sing

in the garden. And I was like, you're going to be fucking, you can drive the neighbours fucking mental. And then I thought if we could do it, if we can get ourselves a little bit of space, distance, and fucking sing and shout our heads off. I don't want to not be there so what did you do get a taxi got a taxi yeah and what uh and like i've seen videos you sort of just

got near the ground found a little i saw you with a you showed me a video and you were like it's clearly you were trying to do it you were like back against the wall so you could control the space but i saw the the videos on twitter most You were like back against the wall so you could control the space. But I saw the videos on Twitter. Most people were like, give a fuck, I'm going to climb these gates. I'm just conscious of these things. Like, if I get... Like, I'm not famous in any way,

but I've got a small local profile. And if I'm fucking in the middle of everyone hugging people and fucking whatever, then it's Adam Rowe does this, you know what I mean? I'm very wary of things after that fucking Mackey's bullshit, how quickly fucking can this fucking turn? Well, you were on TalkSport this morning, so it's not like

you're just like any old fan. Like, it is a thing, innit? You, you know. I did, I got sent a photo of meself. Me mate Natalie, I, who lives in Dovecott, where I grew up, she sent me a photo of myself, me mate Natalie, who lives in Dovecot, where I grew up. She sent me a photo of myself

that someone had sent her going, there's Adam, bro. It happens, do you know what I mean? So that's why I just want, I said to me cousin, like, we can be together, but we need to keep a fucking, a gap.

So we moved, where we were, we were getting busy, we moved a couple of times, ended up sitting on a wall for a bit, our own little space I'd have fucking loved to just be able to go ah fuck it and fucking hug everyone, the people climbing up

on the fucking gate to the ground, it was just fucking amazing, red flares everywhere What time were you there till? I was half three How many people do you think were there? I don't know A few thousands Oh yeah yeah yeah When we arrived people were leaving How many people do you think were there? I don't know. A few thousand.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. When we arrived, people were leaving, and it didn't look like there was room for people to have left by the time we got there. Do you know what I mean? It's like, where did all those people stand when they were here? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, basically, that New Year's Eve vibe, isn't it?

Where everyone just piles into town, and it's... I've never experienced anything like it. It was fucking crazy. What did you do last year when they won the Champions League? Where were you there? What did you do then? I watched that at the Olympia, which is an old theatre in Liverpool. So they took all the seats

out and they had the ground floor, the first circle and they've got a second circle as well. And we were on the top circle it was on a massive like 20 foot screen it was an event organised by a promotions company called Boss Night who do a lot of Liverpool events

and what they do is they have a singer on before the match singing Liverpool songs to music so he'll have a guitar and he'll sing Sit Down by James but the Mo Salah version. And it just, that was amazing. And then we, from there, we walked into the city centre,

but then walked pretty much straight back out. Last year after the Champions League, we just drank on the streets. There was no, we had enough ale from getting it from shops and stuff. We'd been fucking drinking since midday. We didn't need to go into any pubs. But last night felt different. And no police even fucking... Because this is coincided,

if you've not followed the news in the UK, it's just been a couple of bad incidents last couple of nights. Like illegal street parties in London that the police have cracked right fucking down on. And then I saw the pictures and I was like, oh, wouldn't it be dreadful if they did that? And it was one of those nights, but it sounds like it just went out, went off without that. There was never going to be any trouble.

Like it was a proper, proper love environment. So yeah, the police were there, but it would take fucking merseyside greater manchester and west yorkshire police and take all of them to have fucking done anything last night yeah took for what just to stop people cuddling like there's no violence there's no threat it's just basically are you going to be like well social distance it's not worth it is it no they just closed the roads off I'm surprised there wasn't like protocols

in place in case it happened do you know what I mean I don't think any Liverpool fan was actually planning to go there last night I think everyone

was a bit spontaneous with it just like a beacon I can't be in three months of being in your fucking living room and you're like no

not tonight yeah just the beacon set off in every liverpool fan there'll be liverpool fans in like australia like darling where you going i fucking need to come back ian come back you can't you're not gonna make it love and how does it feel sum it up from a you know because I'm a fan of an NFL team

that keeps getting dicked in the playoffs it's not the same I'm smaller football how does it feel just right now I don't feel any of it

because I'm so hung over like I'm really hung over right now and I didn't right now. And I didn't drink that much. Really. I didn't drink to have this level of hangover at all, but I'd hardly get anything. I had about a thousand calories of food yesterday. And then I only realized about 20 minutes ago, once I started drinking, I never had anything to eat. All right. So, I've had less than half

of what an adult man is supposed to eat in a day. And then I've had like eight, ten drinks, something like that. Yeah. And, yeah.

When you've been, when you've been watching what you're eating and then your booze, like proper booze the first time, you basically become a 14-year-old girl

drinking Lambrin. You're like, oh, it's absolutely pathetic because you've got a 14 year old girl drinking lambry like oh god it's absolutely pathetic because you've got a third of your usual calories and then you just hit it hard like i drank at the edinburgh fringe after about six months of maybe three months of not boozing at all and just i drank like fat dan drinks but i was nearly three stone lighter. And holy shit, my mate Forrest, the next day was like, I have never seen you or I think anyone. You know, at the loft bar at Edinburgh, it's very like, who's who?

Who's your PR? Who's that? I was like the bellend from Wigan on a stag do in Wigan. Like, I brought North West moron drunk to like a really like showy Edinburgh Festival fringe bar. Like, oh my God, who's been nominated? Who are you represented by? Oh my God, who's that?

And then me like, fucking here. Just because I'd had two fucking Slim Fast milkshakes and then like three Sambucas. So congratulations

to all the Reds that listen and I'm chuffed for you. And one of the reasons we don't do Fussy a lot on this is because I tend to be

provocative when it comes to football and we don't want to alienate any of our listeners but right now you can all suck my dick! LA LA LA

LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA suck my fucking dick! I've heard a shite, Man City it wears Man United fuck off, Chelsea suck my dick! LA LA LA LA LA

You'd think with your level of writing you'd do a better job of an ad-lib song there but it was like anyone who plays league football and has ever played as ever can suck my fucking balls fucking musical comedians who don't come up with fucking parodies as good as that in six months of writing oh god so in six months of writing. Oh, God. So, let's have a word from a sex shop.

From an online sex shop. From the pleasure of football to the pleasure of your bits. Today's episode is brought to you by Let's Be Naughty, Darkhoda UK. Even though lockdown is easing, passing the time can still be hard.

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free delivery on orders over 50 quid, and it's sent in super discreet packaging, so you don't have to worry about those nosy bastards next door. As a bonus for listeners of this podcast, if you use the code HAVAWORD, all as one word, that's H-A-V-E-A-W-O-R-D, you'll get 10% off your entire order. So go to letsbenaughty.co.uk and see how much fun you can have when you get a bit naughty. That's letsbenaughty.co.uk. Davina has messaged us. She said...

McCall or Bywater? Davina Bywater. Our Davina has put, She said McCall or Bywater. Davina Bywater. Ah, Davina. But please can the Freddie Quinn George trainers that Adam's doing up being size six and giving to me, I would actually wear them.

Yeah, but Davina, they're going to have the word nonce on them. No, they're not. The nonce ones are yours. All right, okay. I thought you wanted the nonce ones. Oh, so there's going to be a Freddie Quinn pair Where are we with the shoe thing? I haven't started painting them

Can you imagine if you did it last night Talked them to Anfield I'm disappointed with the amount of people that messaged and went, hey, I'll give you 81 quid right now to make Nightingale wear nonce trainers. And Adam was like, right, straight. No, you're not wearing metal. No, it's not a pod gig. And it also started upping the ante. No way is it a podcast record.

And it's definitely, no, no one's got to know. In fact, if your granddad does die at his funeral, 120 quid charity, would you do it? Would you wear them at his funeral? Fuck off. So we need, when Adam is clear of mind, we need to set out the parameters. Because I feel like, oh God, he's getting too hot.

He laughed too much. You can't see him. Adam just laughed at me wearing nonce shoes, white nonce shoes at my own granddad's funeral to the point where he had to take his headphones off. He's had to take the headphones off, he can't hear me. We laid to rest Bob Nightingale. And now a few words from his grandson what's he wearing

I don't think I can wear the headphones you know is that the tribute to his granddad that he's written people usually write on a piece of paper. Doesn't he? Doesn't he? Nuts.

Adam, take the headphones off. Unplug the fucking headphones. I can't wear them. I'll work it out. I'll work it out. Yeah.

I'm going to have to keep them off. I nearly passed out then. Oh, God. We've had a ropey couple of efforts, haven't we, recently? Patreon episode had to basically be abandoned like there was racism in the stands because Zoom collapsed and we were like,

what the fuck? And now we've got Adam teetering on the brink. If you hear a vadoomp, it's not like another of Adam's farts. Oh, God. It's not like another of Adam's farts Oh god So When Adam's Just you know clearer headed

We are going to set out some Rules There's a bottle of rum in my eye line And I need to move it Sending suggestions on what you'd like My shoe Fucking El Dorado Go on send in suggestions and what you'd like my shoe fucking hell Eldorado

go on have a swig of that shut up send us some suggestions of what you'd like Adam to write on the trainers that I will be wearing at a gig

and I just think 81 quid was raised too quickly so I think we might just have to do some sort of charity effort because we haven't done much for charity so far. It would be

a great effort if something for charity involved. It's probably not going to be like a child abuse charity, is it? If I have to wear shoes with nonce on with the sort of... I think the shoes should just say I am a nonce and nothing else. Just in black

Sharpie. I am a nonce on each shoe. Adam, you know all that money spent on paint, I really think that'd be a waste of a lot of it. Like, yeah, yeah, never mind about all that. I've got magenta. I'll use the paint to make the ones that we're going to

auction. They'll be good. They're actually going to be good. The ones you're going to wear, I'm we're going to auction. They'll be good. They're actually going to be good. Right. The ones you're going to wear, I'm not putting any effort into. In fact, the worse they look and the more attention they draw, the better. I think we should have two other things on there.

Listeners, if you've got any ideas, have a word pod at gmail.com. I am a nonce is definitely going on. Do us a favor, just email in and tell us that you want I am a nonce to be the only words on there I've tried that three times um

Jilly Bean tweeted us I've decided that English people would melt and turn into puddles of human goo if they had to spend a day in Texas during the summer if the at have a word pod gentleman ever come to Houston, it better be during the summer. If the at have a word pod gentleman ever come to Houston, it better be during the fucking winter.

And I agree because I cannot handle this fucking heat. I didn't want to show you this, but I'm recording in my underpants. I'm so hot. I can't wear any form of trousers or anything. I'm in shorts. I'm in a new,'t wear any form of trousers

or anything I'm in a new I just need to have one layer so I've just got my kegs on have you not got Bessie Swallow how do you mean are your balls not sweating and they're making you

stink do you ever do that when you put a pair of kegs on you're like these are you know sometimes do you ever do that when you you put a pair of kegs on you like these aren't going to make it the whole day like in this heat i go through about four four pairs a day i just have to be like that has to go to medical science that's just fucking secret millionaire over here fucking danny ford on these Is that who I'm doing podcasts with? Mate, I don't get a new pack here. Danny Ford pack? I just wash them. And if it really gets too expensive,

I'll do it in the fucking paddling pool. Like, Daddy, why are these on my face? Shut up. Swim now with them. No, you see, what happened was, yeah, I was a comedian about 10 years. Things were going well. And then me podcast took off.

And I fucking said am I fuck wearing one pair of undies a day anymore those days are gone it's time for the good years Laura get me a four pack girl I'll change them every time I have something to eat

breakfast undies, lunch, undies, dinner undies, supper undies lunch undies dinner undies supper undies musty oh if you ever sleep commando dick out yeah in weather like this but but i know we all know you're a naked sleeper we all know and we've been we've dealt with that imagery but only in heat like this because sometimes if i wake up and i clock my dick in the mirror first thing, it's just a terrible way to start the day. If I have to just...

I slept upside down once and the sweat had stuffed me balls to me bedside table. Aww. You know when your mind's trying to conjure it and it was almost like I had a firewall there, like I had some built-in security for my brain to go, no, Dan. That was like, have you ever done that

when you've been on the internet and there's like the provider has got like a content blocker? My brain just jumped ahead of my thought process and went, dude, no, no, no, no, no. That's that content. You can't see that. You don't. I tried to imagine where you'd be,

and then I saw sweat sweat sweaty balls and a bedside table and my mind just went no no blink blink how about how long are you sometimes i sleep upside down when i'm off it's just cooler down my end and yeah you mean i woke up you're lying down you just sort of move around yeah so me head's at the foot of the bed. Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But how do your balls get on the bedside table? What?

How do your balls get on the bedside table? I think I just rolled over in me sleep and stayed in one position for ages and they were stuck. Are you still sharing a bed in this heat? Yeah. That's disgusting. Couldn't do it. still sharing a bed in this heat? Yeah. That's disgusting. Oh. Couldn't do it.

Well, not last night, actually. I slept on the couch. With your balls on the coffee table. You never wake up with your balls stuck to anything? A radiator or a window? No. Just me. Just me.

From the window to the glass. Some sweat sticks on my balls. Oh, leave me alone. Oh, ski, ski, motherfucker. On the window. On the floor. That's where I keep my sweaty balls on the office chair that I sit on

while I do the podcast there's some sticker shit from David Jukes would you rather have 12 months of high 20s sun or 12 months of sub-zero snow could you do a whole year of this 2020's sun or 12 months of sub-zero snow? Could you do a whole year of this? Or would you rather do a whole year of freezing with snow?

A whole year of the hot. You get used to it. Yeah. There's no one in fucking Jamaica going around going, oh, it's hot today, lad. Do you know what I mean? They're used to it. They like it. The snow's always a fucking pain going around going, oh, it's hot today, lad. Do you know what I mean? They're used to it. They like it.

The snow's always a fucking pain in the ass, isn't it? Yeah, that's not going to do is just general conversation in like some Central African Republic. If it's July in Chad and you're like, oh my God, I cannot believe how hot it is today. Why is there a Geordie in Chad? That's my that's an accent let's just call it Geordie

oh no it is baking it is like Barbados out here yeah that's not going to go down is it no shit Darren Darren's a well known name

of course it is hot it has been this hot for 2 000 days in a row also i think british people if we had some sort of environmental crisis and it clicked to this heat i think social norms would change you know like last night you went out to win the league and there's people with masks and hand sanitizer on things do change maybe not for everyone I think for most people I think if you were in the fourth month like if it was November

and it was still 29 degrees and sweaty as fuck I think everyone would be like yeah just get you can get your sweaty balls out in a cafe if you need to it's fine innit I don't think anyone would be like oh my god I can't believe he's naked you'd be like, yeah, you can get your sweaty balls out in a cafe if you need to. It's fine, isn't it?

I don't think anyone would be like, oh my God, I can't believe he's naked. You'd be like, yeah, yeah. When the waitress comes over, she brings you four glasses of water while you're waiting to order. One to drink each and one to just sit your balls in. That'd be a fucking good restaurant that I'd go there me how would that make sure the glasses are different though so you never get the mix oh yeah

the old ball water um yeah snow's always a bastard isn't it like snow's good while it's falling like when you're watching it and you're like oh my god it looks amazing and then you have like 20 minutes in it and you're like, oh my God, it's amazing. And then you have like 20 minutes in it

and you're like, isn't this so much fun? And then it's just a ball lake. Trains get fucking taken off. The motorways become a fucking nightmare. Everyone crashes. Snow's a cunt. It's fine as long as you don't need to leave the house.

If you just basically need to go in a nice snowy walk to your local park and go ha ha ha, snowball it's fun because it's just, you know, couple of times a year at most in this country but yeah, trying to get into a gig when it's snowing they're the moments where I'm doing comedy

where I'm like, oh my god, what the fuck are we doing here, I am risking my life for 140 quid in Darlington. Like, it's just fucking on some weird road that's not been snow plowed properly. I'd rather have my balls in a glass of water. He's also added another would you rather. David Dukes has. Thank you, David.

Embarrassing sex scandal is going to break so you have to choose which one and there's compromising photos that are going to hit social media too, so would you rather it be you get caught with your dick stuck in a hoover or it's stuck in a car exhaust remember those photos

are hitting the net so basically people have got proof of you being a fucking wrong gun. Your two options are it's going to get published. It's going to be Dick stuck in a Hoover or stuck in a car exhaust. Pick your poison. Oh, I don't know,

mate. Well, the thing is, I think we've all had that thought with a Hoover. We've all like, so let's give it a go and some of us have followed through and some of us haven't, okay

well every man has thought about putting his dick in a hoover and I absolutely refuse to believe that there's a single man on the planet who has seen a hoover and not had that thought, I don't think many people want to shag cars so I reckon it's less less of a big

deal if you're fucking a hoover than a car yeah also it doesn't state who's hoovering whose car it is like if i saw someone in my exhaust pipe i'd be like nice one mate but you're gonna have some carbon monoxide balls in a minute because i'm starting this fucker up with your dick inside the exhaust. If you catch someone fucking your Hoover, they're paying for a new Hoover, aren't they? Honestly, I'm not getting a new car. I'd be like, you're going to have little smoky balls. Why would you need a new Hoover, though?

Oh, I couldn't rub that round. It it's not gonna break the hoover just having a dick in it no if i right if i if you if you were like right you know jade's out we're gonna do a podcast at mine and then you know i'm like i've got tendencies and you just popped upstairs and you're like you're right down here for a sec. And yeah, and then you heard... You're like, what the fuck is he doing? Came down and I had my dick in the nozzle of your Henry. I think he'd be angry. I think there'd be questions. I would laugh my head off until I died.

I wouldn't find that. I'd find that so funny. I wouldn't have a problem with it at all. I think it's fucking hilarious. I think Jade would. I don't think Jade would. Mate, Jade's not happy about the content of this podcast, full stop.

Can I ask her whether she'd get rid of the hoover? No. Let's leave Jade out of it. Jade? No. ask her whether she'd get rid of the hoover? No. Let's leave Jade out of it. Jade? No. Oh, my God. Would you come here in a sec? No.

Why? Don't poke the bear. Do you want to ask her? I wish we had a more intelligent question. Go on. Jade, what's the meaning of life it should be a nice day because you're

I have a disgusting question but I want to ask you right first of all the question we've been asked is a compromising sexual photo is going to come out about us would we rather it be

we've been caught with our dick in a hoover or a car exhaust it's hoover isn't it you we rather it be we've been caught with our dick in a hoover or a car exhaust? It's hoover isn't it? You'd rather it be the hoover. And if we did a podcast in here when you were out and when you come back I told you Dan had had his dick

in our Henry hoover, would you get rid of the hoover? Or would you just be like it's a Hoover? I think you'd want a new Hoover. Probably just make him cleaner. Clean it with my dick. Hi, Jade.

Love you. Bye. See you. Love you, mate. Much respect. Mashallah. Oh, right. So she's brought up an important point here. Yeah. Much respect Oh right So she's brought up an important point

Yeah Have you come in the hoover Yeah Yeah Because it's not one of these old ones it's like a good one A Dyson Then you'd get rid of it right Yeah

There you go If you don't finish though She's going to do some spring cleaning with it. What's she saying? She said, if your dick was just in there for a bit as a joke, she'd find it funny and she'd keep it as a trophy because you'd have had to go to hospital.

Yeah. So I'm now thinking like this because i obviously came up at the time where hoovers were like made by a company called hoover and they were like and you stuck your dick in you're like hey now like shark and dyson they've upped the game haven't they can we just park for a sec what have you done this no no genuinely no honestly you slipped

you had a Freudian slip down what do you mean I came up back in the day you just said we put our dicks in it no I'm just I'm just prognosticating I haven't

mate prognosticating I honestly when have I held any truths back like I love it when you do this, go, yo, you fucking did. I'm like, mate, I've admitted nearly everything. I'm running out of truths.

I think you shag hoovers. But these days, you fucking ma shags hoovers. You daz a hoover. What? I think you've got to be careful doing this, boys, You're Daza Hoover What? I think you've got to be careful doing this boys With these powerful fucking cylinder things Go and lose yourself a dick That was a sensible one

I've put my dick in a Dyson Airblade How long are your balls? You really Like I know you've got got this medically reduced big old dick that definitely wasn't big, but I'm letting you live that fantasy. But now you're making out like you're like, oh, shit, Adam, have you got your keys, wallet, balls?

Fuck, the balls are in the kitchen. Jade, will you throw my balls through? Cheers, love. Just fucking... You know, like when you're pulling a rope. Gotta get my balls out of the back room. Come on. Roll them up. I have to get on my tiptoes to do it

but I'm going to get my balls in the air blade. It's really nice. In the little child height. That's a fucking faux pas, isn't it? Sticking your dick and balls in the Dyson airblade That's lower for kids It wasn't for that, it was just for a treat Where's the bell

That wasn't bullshit No, I sort of do believe you Gentlemen This is from Mike Follows would you rather spend the next two years I'm so fucking sweaty Adam I'm so sweaty

I've got tit tears I'm about to pass out listen, it's good content let's keep it going, I've got some good Havowords as well would you rather spend the next two years at the very top of the comedy game, live at the Apollo, Smashing America, Netflix special, all over you, selling out arenas, but at the end of the two years, you can never perform any type of comedy ever again.

So it's two years of being the shit, and then it just all goes away in one fell swoop because someone's got pictures of you sticking your dick in a reno cleo or do you know what's great about being a comedian that wouldn't end your career or spend the rest of your life as a well-respected and reasonably successful touring club comic. You know why that stung when I read it? Because I was like, oh, he has very politely and astutely described my career. My career is the shit one.

It's so fucking real spend the rest of your life as a be really good and great and get millions of pounds for two years or be fucking done forever

back on it was the way it's Mike do you know I've said it before about people when they do suggestions

it's a word out of place here and there can really trip the thing up but he's fucking nailed that spend the rest of your life as a well-respected and reasonably successful touring club comic i read it i was like holy shit mike you cut me to the quick oh so basically would it rather be you or Dapper Laughs

no it's bigger than Dapper Laughs it's like Louis CK sorry I thought you were like really I take this so seriously don't do a lol what the truth I would rather be you I'd rather be the

the touring club comic who's in a good living forever. Because if there's anything I've learned from these fucking three months is that I need comedy to survive and be a good person. I'm slowly going fucking insane. And I definitely couldn't just stop doing it in two years time.

Yeah. There's, when I turned 30, I look back and people are like, how does it feel turning 30? And it felt great. Cause I'd been all around the world, mainly the country,

but a few places around the world getting paid to talk and have a laugh and just spread my silly bollocks. have a laugh and just spread my silly bollocks and that's a massive thing because it's life is a fucker it's long and there's points in it where you look across the line and things can get you down you're like god i've not done this i should have maybe done that and there's pressures that you put on yourself and societal shit but if you're doing something that you love doing it doesn't half validate you even when you're having a shitty day and you're like god i've not done this i'm not tired of the fucking car and it but at the end of it you're like i like what i do to have that taken away doesn't

matter how big that two years is although if you can do a podcast that'd be fucking great i'd love to be like mega rich and then retire you checking you checking your complexion, Adam? Are you all right? What's up, babe? I've got a cut on my cheek. You've got a cut on your cheek? What happened? It must have been your big balls slapping you in your face, you know, when you lay down.

Do you ever get whipped back? If you're naked and you change directions too quickly, did they swing around and slap you? It might have been that. We can't do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's really bad when I'm in a kilt and sometimes I get stuck in the doors of a lift. That's really annoying.

Which is all the time, isn't it? Oh, all the time. There's some fucking bullshit gets talked on. I'd love to be massive for two years and then just be like doing my podcast with Adam I'm so fucking excited to go and see the studio on Monday you know

are they going to let us paint it and everything yeah is there going to be windows WINDOWS I think there is two windows that we'll need to get some blackout curtains for but there might not be but I think there is two windows that we'll need to get some blackout curtains for.

But there might not be. But I think there is. Unfortunately. Holy manoli. I feel sorry for the dickheads that are anywhere near that office when we're shouting, I am a nonce, at full volume. But I tell you what, it's going to be good for our relationships that we're not doing that where we live. Oh, 100%.

Yes. Because I think Jade was very kind about that Hoover incident there when you pulled her in. Because from all the content we've had with Jade recently, she's like, it's disgusting. Why? I don't know why. What are you talking about? I think we need to inflict that on some random company

that work in an office in Runcorn. It's going to be really funny if they don't know who we are and what we're doing and they just keep hearing snippets from the room next door. To the window! To the window! On Shana! Titties!

Oh, I'm excited, man. And we are actually going to get some guests on, aren't we? If we can do the social distancing, we are... Because at the start of the shutdown, we said, look, we're going to do some guests on aren't we if we can do the social distancing we are because at the start of the shutdown we said look we're going to do some guests and then we basically made a decision we've talked about it on here that it's hard enough over a zoom meeting to get the chemistry right and me and adam have been doing this a long while but once we're in the room together we are going to get some uh definitely get some guests on as well just fucking that's yeah we'll we'll have a chat this week and we'll come up with like a new structure for when we put the

guests on and when they're not on and whatever and then maybe next week once we've signed paperwork if it all goes to plan um we uh we will announce the new the new way we're going to start doing it but i think getting guests in i said to you to you I don't want to lose the just me and you bit so at least every episode that has a guest on the first half an hour to an hour will still just be your boys it'll still just be me and Dan talking shit and then we'll bring guests in for the second half

oh yeah and there's the Patreon episodes like that if we have guests on it's going to be because they're going to be good we're not just going to do it to fill time the podcast will mainly be me and Adam doing what we do. And thanks to everyone that supported us by listening and sharing. The people who can't afford the patron have decided not to do that. Thanks for sharing and telling people and answering pod by pod Bible on

Twitter and everything. And if you do want to listen to the patron episode that we do on Wednesday, it's patreon.com slash have a word pod. And we've also got merch at www.haveawordpod.com. We've got some merch. You're such a grandad.

Who still says the W's? I know you've said it before. And if you go on the world wide web, if you go on the internet and you click on, you can buy a lovely tea cozy. The merch just arrived late yesterday. It got to my house.

So we're going to be, we're going to be bagging it up and sending it on. So if you've ordered have a word pod.com, go fuck yourself, go stick your dick in a Hoover. It's going to be with you next week. And if you've not yet go and have a look at some of the merch, of that stuff is going to fund the studio which is going to make the pod better we're going to get aircon one on adam's tits one on my tits it's going to be so nice oh it's going

to be good do you love podcasts have you always wanted to do your own but you don't know how well here at lightwork studios if you've got an idea for a podcast then we want to record it and record it well whether you're doing your first podcast or you've been doing it for years we think all podcasts should look and sound as good as possible and with prices starting from 30 pounds an hour we are by far the best priced professional podcast studio in london we've got three hd cameras six top of the range mics and a sound technician on hand to make sure that all you have to focus on is talking. We can have the recording edited and sent to you the very same day. Find us at lightweightpodcast.com so we can help record your next podcast. Send in your questions and suggestions to have a word pod at gmail.com

let's crack on with this nonsense right adam what time is it it's time to have a word did you just say the fucking time This was gonna be the whole podcast Now it's just the final 10% Alright Darnell and Ahmed What the fuck I want you to have a word with the cunt Whose garden is facing me Facing my bedroom window

Since the start of quarantine, lockdown Whatever you wanna call it He's been working on a shed Well to be more precise A shitty wooden structure with a plastic glass roof in the corner of his garden he starts at 7 a.m and ends about 9 p.m the man never stops despite being an annoying due to a vast amount of fucking power tools he's an absolute bell jockey he's also committed the crime that is and he can't get his head around

this by the way this is from sorry this is from oh fucking hell who's this from oh mate this is a a nameless have a word the guy doesn't want it to be anonymous but you know who you are this guy's also committed the crime of him and his wife leaving a full box of food on their plastic roof all night for seagulls so in the morning the seagulls and So in the morning, the seagulls, and he means a whole comedy club capacity, and I mean pre-Rona capacity of fucking seagulls at four, maybe five in the morning,

going ape outside my window because that fucking idiot is leaving food for the twats and I ate seagulls, so you've already won me over with this shit. If you've had, if youse, if youse seagulls talk to each other and they're like,

hey lad, there's fucking scran over there. Where lad? On that roof lad? Go ahead lad, let's go and get some... Yeah, but more aggressively like,

fucking, there's food, there's fucking food. They're awful cunt seagulls. What was that? Was that your seagull impression? Yeah, it sounded a bit Australian,

didn't it? Fucking food. Where? There's that fucking cunt's roof. I'm that your seagull impression? Yeah, it sounded a bit Australian, didn't it? Fucking food! Where? There's that fucking can't roof! I'm a fucking seagull! I fuck little seagulls! If yous have a word, I'll play it out my window on a fucking speaker for the cunt. This guy's so angry.

I was tripping up reading that because there was so much annoy... You know when someone's writing annoyed? Like, I like a fucking so basically he's doing a major reworking Love Island style reworking of his garden

but he's doing it at 7am and at 9 and then he's also I mean come on Norbert Adam weigh in with your sweaty self I think he should be allowed to build his thing whenever he likes. I'm joking. What a fucking gimp!

There's nothing worse than being woken up by something like that. Nothing. Nothing makes me more angry than some fucking gobshite or like when the bin men just decide to do an early shift and it's fucking 6am and it's like they're fucking doing their best to make the collection as noisy as possible it should be illegal to make noises louder than talking until one in the afternoon oh as a absolute dadasaurus rex that would drive me fucking mental the thing with the bins is you're right when you're like guys how are you doing your job at 10 past seven start at the other end of the round do us a favor why are we at the dickhead end

but at least at the end of all that your bins are. When it's just a neighbour who's a bellend, Monday to Friday, I really think there's different times here. Monday to Friday, there's like, I'll accept you can start at nine. And you should be wrapping up by six. But on a weekend, come on. No, you're going more stringent. Yeah, you can't start at 9 ever what about people

at night what about me what about insomniacs you can do work in your garden from 1pm till 4 and then

pack it up and fuck off I lawn mowing oh man there is a point there is a cut off point that is unreasonable

I think it's seven you've got to think about the little kiddies aren't you you know you live near cunts if people just don't care they're just like yeah so what just do what i want you're like oh fuck off and i'm such a fucking pussy is one one o'clock's ridiculous adam You can't mow your lawn till 1pm on like a Tuesday. Yeah, what if I'm having a fucking lie-in? No, I feel like you've gone too hardcore. When do you mow? When do you mow the lawn?

When Jade tells me to. At 10am. Oh, right, sweetheart. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do it in the afternoon yes and also just leaving food out it's just ratty neighbours I think we've got some

I think we've just had a problem house moved into about four doors down I think we've got some fucking rats on the we've got some rats

on the cul- on the cul-de-sac they're just they're just giving off badac they're just giving off bad vibes they're just giving off horrible fucking vibes like you know

why is there a rallycross bike on the front lawn what's that about when did that what and then there's like there's mum and dad and about I think there's three kids so why have they got five cars? Is the four-year-old driving? What's going on?

I don't understand why you've got this many vehicles. So now that whole bit of the road is just busy as fuck. One of the other neighbours, just by chance, is trying to move out and has got a removal van. And apparently they told them to go fuck. They were like, can we just, can you move a couple of your cars? Because obviously number 20, whatever's moving. Can we get our van in they're like fuck off you're like oh good sign good sign so i just think we've got to get them on the pod yeah sounds like my kind of people

got some you can fuck off my car outside my house fuck Fuck you, Lonnie. Fuck off. And you know what I'll do to fuck him off? I'll start mowing my lawn. 10 to 9. Bad boy, bad boy. What you gonna do? What you gonna do? That's my passive aggressive white fucking dad response. Well, you're ne'er do well. Well, you're ne'er-do-wells. Pathetic. One more have a word, and then Adam needs a paddling pool. I think I need to eat.

Oh, God. Honestly, why can't we get to an end of a fucking pod in this shutdown without you needing some sort of bowel movement or fucking intake or outtake? I need a shit. I need food. I need a intake or outtake. I need a shit. I need food. I need a food and a shit. I need a bumpkin.

Eyelids, can you please have a word with my mate Ben? His family won a shit ton of money on the lottery. We think it was his nan. It started as a rumor, but now he's gone from renting a house to owning one buying a new car buying a dog and just ordering a 60 inch telly for the wall on a fucking whim me and my mates take the piss because it's clearly the worst kept secret since philip scoffield came out as gay okay either spend it on on the sly or fucking admit that you're now wadded all my mates now listen to the pod by by the way, on my

recommendation, and I feel like one of those cool mates that said to listen to a band before they were massive. Thanks, lads. This is from Dan. So his mate Ben is pretending like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, nothing's normal. And he reckons Nana's won the fucking

Euros. Don't know how to weigh in on this. I think I've made... I'd not want to tell anyone, me. Do you think? Yeah, I think I've said this before. Like... But I mean...

Just get your round in, innit? As long as you're getting your round in, you're alright. It is funny, though, innit? How I can see why you and me would want to keep it quiet because I just think that's a shocking look in a comedy club if some comics are at the back and they're talking. You know what it's like when you're on the bus? You're like, you fucking own the bus, you rich twat!

And then the whole crowd are like, what's that about? Weird, isn't it? If you were in the paper for winning 100 million or 10 million on the lottery

and you were a comedian and you walk on stage people would judge you like oh he's that fucking millionaire but no one does that to Michael McIntyre who's defo got more

than 10 million it's a weird he's earned it hasn't he people are like oh yeah but we love you you're great imagine doing the middle

at hot water do you want to close Dan no no no no we love you you're great imagine doing the middle at hot water do you want to close Dan no no no no we'll give you a bit more money couldn't give a shit I'd close I'm from McIntyre

it's a shit house I'll fucking make him look fucking stupid it's my house kids take your fucking man drawer and shove it up your batty

it's funny how Ben's decided that even if it's his nan winning he's just not... Well, see, he's not even got a justification. He's like,

bought a new car, bought a house, bought a dog, got a 60 in Steli. He's just going, no, no, it's fine. How do you fucking... Mates are weird sometimes.

Maybe he's just getting in loads of debt to wind his mates up and if that's the case, that's a fucking good prank that just running up fucking half a million in debt because your mate starts to ruin me and I'm winning the case that's a fucking good prank that just running up fucking half a million in debt because your mate starts to do me and i'm on the lottery and you're like how fucking percent i have then buy a house buy a car buy a dog buy a telly and live on fucking ready

for the rest of my life are you sure this is not one of those rona payouts you know they've got those bounce back loans for companies because of the effect of the rona i was talking to one of my mates who's just got 50 grand as a bounce back loan and he's like, yeah, I've been pricing up sports cars. I'm pretty sure that's not what it was fucking for, mate. Yeah, but it's better than the finance that you get from the dealer. So maybe he's just done that.

I would definitely be doing that if I had a business. Yeah. I actually looked in for us to get a bounce back loan for the podcast i'm not even joking i was like oh fuck it i was like get a really ball in studio have you heard about the lads that have just moved into the office in runcorn yeah yeah yeah what is it it's a podcast is right, yeah. They've taken the whole of the top floor. Amazing. It's got an indoor paddling pool. Really weird.

It's got Ray Docks in it. Fucking really strange. I'll say right now, if I ever win the order of millions, we are cutting this down to once a week. But I'll still do it. First, what would you do with your 110 million? I'm not talking to that cunt two more times a week than necessary. I think you'd really struggle to justify the Patreon, wouldn't you?

Hi, guys. If you'd like to support the podcast, put your gold headphones back on. Put your gold headphones back on. It's three, five and ten pounds Mate, you've just got to If your mate's won the lottery And he's being snide about it You've just got to let it happen, haven't you?

But I love it how mates work like You've got fucking money And I want it Instead of him being like Just go for him, you know It's assured his future Like, lad mates are such bellends about it. Why is he lying?

Why is he fucking lying? I wouldn't be pissed off. You clearly would be, though. You'd be rinsing him. Dan, it's because Ben knows you'd be like, where's my fucking 60 years till? So you've just got to let it happen, mate. Make sure he gets the rounds in. Surely there's a free Nando's or that.

How could you ever be like, you'd be at Nando's going, right, so should we pay together? And you know, your Nan won the Euro. Oh no, you've got to sort the, you've got to ball. If you've got that much money, you've got to pay for all your mates all the time.

Oh yeah. At least a free hummus. Everything. Everything. your mates all the time oh yeah at least a free hummus everything everything i've heard so many fucking stories about rich comedians who'll go for a meal with their like less rich comedian mates and then i like calculate her out like well that's working out okay now i would not be into it i suppose like some people wouldn't want to accept it, but... You know what I mean? Some people might not want to be the guy who's like, hey, it's all on me.

I'm fucking loaded. Hey, fucking Adam Rowe. Fucking international superstar. You're a millions winner. I'll buy you a fucking chicken butterfly with your rice and peas. I'll take you out and pay for everything. Nando's.

Limits Nando's. What about Miller and Carter, lad? Go fuck yourself. It is one of the hottest days of the year. Adam is close to passing out. Go on, lad. You get up.

Let's call it a pod. It's been fun. I will see you and everyone else on Monday and I'll actually see you on Monday yeah see you Monday can I just tell them what the song is you can go why not

our listener Non-American Jilly B sent us this over this song she's a young artist she's called Nuala her song is called Split Down the Middle listen to it before it's an absolute corker

see y'all on Monday bye Felicia in a bit kid congrats lad enjoy bye I swear I don't usually do this I'm not really used to it I never thought I'd do what I did

But now I'm back alone, I'm feeling so sick Why'd you have to put that glass in my hand? Now I'm falling for it No, I'm not the girl you think I am But it's too late to show it I'm so split down the middle Can't work myself out No, I didn't need to be little

One side of myself, oh Now we in conflict, me, myself and I Don't know which one's wrong or which is right Never been one to deny things I put my hands up, no disguising But this time my conscience is fighting With my head who says it's worth lying Oh, why'd you have to put that glass in my hand? Now I'm falling for it No, I'm not the girl you think I am

But it's too late to show it I'm so split in the middle Can't work myself out No, I didn't need to be little One side of myself Now we in conflict me, myself and I Don't know which one's wrong or which is right Always moments just like this, you wonder how can you forgive yourself

For living in the moment and doing what you wanted So I'll bear the weight on my shoulders And my temperature still rises when I think about the night Now I hate that I can smile at something that just don't feel right And I know it's far from over Oh, I'm so split on the middle Care to work myself out, no I didn't need to be little, one side of myself

Oh, now we're in conflict, me, myself and I Don't know which one's wrong or which is right Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh you you you you you you you you you What? What? What? What did you say, Laura? Sorry, Adam. What are you saying, love? Yeah. Right. Two Sorry, Adam. What are you saying, love? Yeah.

Right. Two seconds, Adam. Literally just be one minute. Dan Nightingale is a paedophile. He fucks children in his spare time. I hope he forgets.

Bitch out. He might do. He might forget that he had to go away for a second. And it will be online that I'm singing about him fucking kids all of the goddamn time. Do-do-do-do. Singing about him fucking kids. All of the goddamn time.