Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #69 Shutdown Pod (VIA ZOOM) -w/Adam & Dan

Episode Date: June 29, 2020

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Thanks so much for downloading the podcast. If you would like to support the pod financially, we're on Patreon. It's patreon.com slash have a word pod. If you sign up, you can get potential discounts on merch, future live shows, post-rona. But the big one is you'll get the Wednesday full episode, which is exclusive on Patreon. So Monday, that's for everybody. Friday, that's for every motherfucker as well. But Wednesday is just for patrons.
Starting point is 00:00:21 Sign up at patreon.com slash have a word pod. Appreciate you. What is happening kids Today's sponsor As always Is Beer 52 Now if you don't know Who these are yet
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Starting point is 00:01:14 That's B-E-E-R-5-2 dot com slash W-O-R-D. And you'll get a free case of beer. And every time one of you signs up, they send us a bit of money. You're supporting us. You're getting yourself some free ale. Everyone's a's a winner now let's get back to the pod now i'm getting the word nuts oh jesus let me muscle again oh hercules hercules oh you think this is your ally who the is that guy have you never seen me before? Don't chat to me!
Starting point is 00:01:46 I can see fumes coming off your pum-pum look like petrol station. Disgusting! Follow us on social media at Have A Word Pod. And don't forget to watch our very funny podcast videos on YouTube. You can subscribe at youtube.com forward slash have a word pod. They go by Alan and Dave, Aaron and Dean, Grandad and the Yeti, or even Chanel and Denise. Have a word. Oh, Adam, our tails are up. Our little dicks are hard. My balls are tingling.
Starting point is 00:02:48 My nipples are poking through my bra. My bum hole is sweaty. My eyelids are fluttering. My nostrils are flaring. My eardrums are doing something. Your eardrums? Do you know Jade once told me, you know your ear straw?
Starting point is 00:03:08 Yeah. It's called that the way your nose hole is called your nostril. That's called your ear straw. Right. And for about 0.3 seconds, I believed her. And then I realized it was bullshit. But she's seen in my eyes in those 0.3 seconds that I believed her
Starting point is 00:03:24 and she's never let it go. Oh my God victories eh small victories jade uh laura really gives me stick about having massive ear holes she's like you've stretched them out you've stretched them out with earplugs because i sleep with earplugs she's like the fucking they're like weird you can really there's too much going on you're such a needy sleeper, aren't you? You need your own space. You need your earbuds. Do you have an eye mask? No, no, no, no, no.
Starting point is 00:03:51 That's... No. That's full Quendo. I'm 75% Quendo. Yeah, no, I don't... I just need my own bed, a fan when it's warm. I've got a special pillow. My little sleepy pillow. And I have to have earplugs.
Starting point is 00:04:10 Fucking hell. It's so shit doing this via Zoom now that we spent two hours together earlier, innit? Oh my God, let's tell everybody about it. Open up your eardrums, bitches. Got some news. about it. Open up your eardrums,
Starting point is 00:04:23 bitches. Got some news. Me and Dan have viewed and agreed to take a
Starting point is 00:04:33 studio space in Runcorn. Havowood Studios will be open for business hopefully next week.
Starting point is 00:04:45 We get the keys on Thursday. Dan's missus is fucking off to the Midlands for the weekend. Oh, that's worked out well. Taking the sprog with her. And we're going to decorate the fuck out of it. Do you know what's good? Obviously, socially distanced, we're really sensible. I'll be at the bottom of the ladder, Adam will be at the top, two metres.
Starting point is 00:05:02 All right. We're decorating it. We're going to make it look how we want it to look. And it's so weird to have, like, a physical purpose. I feel bizarre. I was like, literally, like, I'm leaving the house today. I'm going to the office. I was like, what the fuck is going on?
Starting point is 00:05:25 Do you know when I walk back in the house, right? I had me jeans on. I've got like a box fresh pair of Air Force Ones on. I had a white, pristine white t-shirt on and me denim jacket that up until very recently was too fucking tight
Starting point is 00:05:42 and I bought it in one of those I'll lose some weight and this will fit moments like a year ago and now it finally fits me and I walked back in and Jade was all smiling at me and I was like we're getting a studio and I was like do you know what I haven't worn jeans for three months and I feel like I've been on a gawk
Starting point is 00:05:57 one like it's all about the confidence I felt strong I felt taller I feel fucking tall today mate I feel sprightly i feel like i'm ready to take on the fucking world yeah because because even though we can't gig because of the like these what we're doing today couldn't have happened a week and a half ago two weeks ago that this is so strange because we thought we were going to try and get an office a studio we knew we we've had this plan for a while i mean we contacted these guys
Starting point is 00:06:30 months ago and they were like well you know business is business is business and we got a process and you know shit i mean we might get back to you and now we messaged them a few weeks ago and they were like oh yeah yeah we've got loads of space. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you actually want space now. Oh, yeah, yeah, we've got a few options. Yeah, we've got a really good fucking deal on this place. And I think we're not getting too emotional. We need to say thank you so much to all of our listeners, especially those who've used our sponsors
Starting point is 00:07:01 and kept our sponsors on board all this time, especially our Patreons, who have been, have literally been our income for the past couple of months. We hope you stick with us forever because things are about to go up a notch. The shit we're going to be able to create in this space is going to blow every other
Starting point is 00:07:17 fucking UK podcast out of the water. It's time to take over the game, and it wouldn't be possible without all the little lids lidettes and lidites who listen to this fucking shit. Gracias. Yeah, it's just
Starting point is 00:07:33 it's down to you and I'm glad now that we get to do that thing that we said we were going to do. That money has kept us afloat and now gigs around the corner. I mean, I don't know how far around the corner. We thought we were going to do this when gigs were back but it feels so great to be like do you know what fuck it let's take control because of all the support we've had from patreon members we get to be like we're going to use that some of that money and we are going to instead of being like well you've got
Starting point is 00:07:58 to be sensible and obviously gigs haven't started yet i'm sick of living like that i'm sick of these zoom meetings i'm sick of the best thing. I'm sick of these Zoom meetings. I'm sick of the best thing I've done since I started comedy. One of the very best things I've done, being hamstrung by online fucking Zoom meeting podcasts. And I am so proud of us for going, do you know what? Let's just take the bull by the horns.
Starting point is 00:08:19 And we are being a little bit Viking about it, aren't we? We are pillaging this place a little bit. Like, to get the deal we've got, we're not, like, spaffing a load of money up the wall. We've literally got this place at a fucking good price, and we've got it for a year, and it's going to be fucking amazing, and we're going to decorate it ourselves.
Starting point is 00:08:38 We're going to build it with our own hands, our own blood, sweat, and tears, and maybe I'll drag Jade Long to help as well, and she's getting fuck-all money for it it but i'll get her the brownie i you know what was funny when we got there like when you're comedians and you're because we're basically like anyone's who listened to the podcast knows exactly what me and adam are like together but in your head you're like don't be a twat don't be a twat just be be like yeah okay yeah yeah we yeah we constantly sign for office space for uh studios
Starting point is 00:09:06 we do it all the time so this isn't new and weird to us and yeah i've left the no this isn't the first time adams wore jeans in three months i'm a business listen it's you know i am a comedian but i'm also a businessman i was like don't just be a bellend and then we got in there and because we all we know someone at the place, we've already had the discount. We knew the prices. We've had a discount already. We were just weighing up the two rooms and I am such a fanny
Starting point is 00:09:33 because in your head you're like, maybe we should try and really haggle them down. But because we'd already had a discount, I knew that that was like fine. But in my head, I wanted to get in there and go, oh, Adam, it's my dream place i was just such a little bitch about it i was like oh my god and we could have friends to stay here and we could have a beautiful conservatory here i just i was just that bell end that gets shown
Starting point is 00:09:57 around by an estate agent that's got no poker face like oh my god make it happen it was if i give you an extra 10 grand can we have it now yeah we got me and adam have got no chill she was like so go away and decide if this is something you're interested in and me and adam were like looking at each other it's like this like as she was finishing the sentence we were like yeah but adam are you gonna say i knew what you were thinking you were like yeah okay uh leslie that's great what about if we want it right fucking now could we did you see could i think he's now i went just wondering like let's just say hypothetically leslie just talking in hypotheticals for the minute here gail let's just say hypothetically we said to you right now uh we'll fucking take it how quick could we be in and she went uh friday and i went what about first because lauren
Starting point is 00:10:47 at her fucking off oh it was so funny it was that it was that moment and she could tell you she was like oh i think these guys might be keen to like leslie we're not interested in like okay i'll speak to my financial department and uh we're like yeah, we're just, look at it. I wish, I really wish we had the audio of me and Adam trying to, on the phone, trying to describe what 350 square foot was. It was so spannerly. It's like four people one way lying down
Starting point is 00:11:20 and it's like three people the other way. And when we got in there, I was like, oh, it's huge three people the other way and when we got in there i was like oh it's huge it was so good and it's just you just come away going we've we've worked so hard on this podcast and the dream is to kick it on and make it a proper thing and it's now within touching distance uh it's just very exciting it was so weird to see you. I was like, oh, Adam. I've looked at you through a screen 78 times.
Starting point is 00:11:51 I'm like, look at Adam. Look at his legs. Adam has legs. I haven't seen his legs for so long. Fuck, you look like your brother. It's so funny. It's so funny. He's getting hairier and fatter funny he's getting hairier and fatter and i'm he's getting hairier and thinner and i'm still bald and getting fatter oh god
Starting point is 00:12:12 we've had different shutdowns here mate oh so we're gonna be uh we're gonna be getting our fucking work gear on aren't we on thursday by the sounds of it. How's your general DIY level here, Adam? Who am I working with here? I think what's going to happen on Thursday is we're going to get there, show the guy who's putting the drywall up for us what we want to, and I think we're going to have to jump in our cars and go over to Ikea and have a little glance around there, because that's open to like 8, 9 o'clock. And I think Friday is actually going to be the day where we start doing
Starting point is 00:12:51 what we need to do, I think. Yeah, well, I'm going to just take my time because I am world famous for being really good for about an hour and a half and then having ADD kick in and be like, oh, there's going to be so many jobs. You can procrastinate by doing a different one. So you can get halfway
Starting point is 00:13:10 through the wallpaper and then start building a table. It's like do speed dating, but with DIY. Oh, great. Something else. That's genuinely how I tidy up, you know,
Starting point is 00:13:20 and it drives Jade fucking mental. So when me and Jade go, right, today, we're spending the day sorting the house out. Every bit of crap's getting sorted. We're going to make everything tidy, whatever. We both have such vastly different systems that we end up fighting with each other to the point where now if we do that,
Starting point is 00:13:37 one of us has to take upstairs and one of us has to take downstairs. Because if she watches me tidy, it rightfully riles it up. Because she's like, right, here's the thing adam you've you've filled the dishwasher like halfway and now you're putting stuff in the washing machine and i'm just wondering why you wouldn't finish the dishwasher before you do that and i'm like well i got distracted there was a sock on the floor and i was like oh we need to put a wash on as well she's like right yeah but when are you going to finish the dishwasher
Starting point is 00:14:03 once i finish the washing machine and then I'll like get close to finishing both of them and then start tidying the table and everything gets done. But everything gets done. Do you like when you're building a cabinet and you're supposed to screw each screw in like a third of the way each and then you do them all
Starting point is 00:14:20 two thirds and then all the way. That's how I do all jobs. I get like halfway through something and go i'm bored of this one now and i go and do another one totally the only yeah i mean if it gets done if it all finishes at the same time anyway it just sounds like a lot of wasted walking if anything if it all gets done at the same time it sounds like if you just stayed in one place to finish the job. What you described to me sounds like when you're feeling a bit fidgety
Starting point is 00:14:50 and you've had too much caffeine, you're like, why am I just walking around doing a bit of a job there, doing a bit of a job there, a little bit of ADD. But yeah, as long as it gets done. For someone who has a lot of coffee, it only takes one and a half coffees to make me look like someone who's never had cocaine has just done 40 pounds of cocaine yeah i am i'm just the feeling of being like it's going to be feeling
Starting point is 00:15:12 like going to work which is i mean gigs feels like driving to work sort of but it's a separate feeling you're in your gig stuff and everything and that's eight o'clock at night 7 30 so no this is going to be like meeting you on Friday morning with overalls on. Every time I do something like this, there's a little moment when I catch myself with a roller like
Starting point is 00:15:35 pretending to be a grown up. Of course I'm a grown up. I'm nearly faulty. I'm a homeowner. I'm a husband, a father. And in my head I'm like yep, and you know full well you're a baller. job but no one else knows only everyone that listens to the mario brothers poster in your office that's got to come by the way that's a staple of the podcast yeah i would love the yellow super mario brothers three i fucking love that thing yeah we're gonna we've got some work to do haven't we we've got some work to do and we've got space
Starting point is 00:16:06 for a couch for the guests oh amazing finally we're gonna have some guests on please do tweet us email us instagram us whatever however you want to get in touch with us we're fine with for this if there's anyone you would really love us to get on this show, let us know. If there's a comedian you like, I'd love to have that comedian on.
Starting point is 00:16:31 It doesn't just have to be a comedian. If it's a public figure, we know thousands of you are going to say, Jaden Lawler, get Jaden Lawler on. Believe us when we say
Starting point is 00:16:42 neither of them actually want to come on. Maybe one day we'll convince them to come on for a full episode. We get that you want them. You can say that if you want, but that's probably not going to happen for a while. But any public figures, any comedians, if
Starting point is 00:16:54 there's someone from the Northwest, an actor, a politician, anyone, I feel like we can get some real funnies as we have not just comedians on this. We're going to get our comedian mates on. Let us know who they are. But if you want anyone on this show
Starting point is 00:17:09 to be as realistic or unrealistic as you want, have a word pod at gmail.com, have a word pod on Twitter and on Instagram. Let us know. Get this guy on, get this girl on. Whoever you want on, talk to us. Even if it's just job description, because I would love to interview a porn star.
Starting point is 00:17:27 I would, a northern porn star. I am, I've got some questions. If we're going to get any porn stars on, it's got to be Sophie Anderson on it. Truly faking dick fixed. Yeah, probably go outside of Runcorn. Do you know what I mean? I don't know if we need a
Starting point is 00:17:45 run corn porn star keep it local i think someone has kidnapped my girlfriend and stolen her phone because she can obviously hear what we're saying through the wall and it's going to be a good thing when she can't and i can actually say what i fucking think about it you know what i mean um she's typing now oh shit you've ruined it what was the first message she said politicians what about jessica corbin the og gilf granddad i'd like to fuck oh jade Oh, Jade. Helen Mirren is the OG gilf. Yeah, Helen Mirren.
Starting point is 00:18:31 Although, I don't know. See, I'm nearly 40. I mean, there's people nearly my school year that are grandparents already. I bet there's a 39-year-old grandparent somewhere. I always had a thing for Betty from Corrie as well, you know. Paul Hotpot girl. Betty's Hotpots. Yeah, but that's a good gilf.
Starting point is 00:18:54 That's a great gilf, isn't it? And Peggy Mitchell, actually. I think it was just women who can provide me with free beer. Right, Peggy Mitchell. Oh, yeah. What, Pat Butcher? Barbara Windsor. Oh. Not Pat Butcher. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, yeah, Pat Butcher? Barbara Windsor. Oh. Not Pat Butcher.
Starting point is 00:19:06 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, yeah, yeah, yeah. Barbara Windsor. Jade's not coming on the pod then. Is that what she's saying? She's saying that I'm weird because I want to fuck Peggy Mitchell, but she wants to fuck Jeremy Corbyn. Does she want to just come on this podcast?
Starting point is 00:19:20 She's literally heckling every podcast now. Get her on here. Come on, let's get Jade on while we're all in a good mood. Jade, do you want to come on? Dan wants you to come on the pod. She's going to say no. Come on, Jade! She sent me a picture
Starting point is 00:19:37 of Betty from Collie. Like, this bitch! Yes! She's fit! Well, she was before she died too much dick she's not coming on jade we need the studio just to get away from her don't tell her that don't tell her i said that you're on loudspeakers you can hear everything oh jesus i'm so excited man like do you know last night
Starting point is 00:20:08 because I knew we were going to view it today and I knew like we were going to walk in and be like yeah let's sign the paper and get it last night was like Christmas Eve that's what it felt like I didn't sleep great I didn't sleep well I was like itching late at night we stayed
Starting point is 00:20:24 up dead late because I couldn't settle myself down. Do you know, and that's just us going to see a studio space. There's other studio space. It's not the only one in the world. If that hadn't worked out, we had options. We just got ourselves so giddy. Imagine what it's like if you are single and you've liked someone for a while
Starting point is 00:20:45 and as the shutdown has eased, and say you've done it properly and isolated, you've got that first date with someone. Oh my God, I'm so glad I'm married that I don't have to be the absolute quendo who's like, after three months of just wanking and watching Netflix, you've had that first bit of human contact and you've got no chill because you're like, hello, human. If you can have a first date after a shutdown
Starting point is 00:21:10 and still play it cool, you're a gangster. I'd be like, oh, making a fool of myself. Also, shout out to Jamie, who was the first person to ever get Have A Word Pod merchandise. I have been bagging up the many orders that you've placed at haveawordpod.com, the t-shirts, the hoodies, and the mugs, and I was bagging them up yesterday. And tonight, I'm going to label them and send them off.
Starting point is 00:21:42 Fuck me, there's been a lot. So they're going to be in the post tomorrow. And I was looking at one of the addresses for one of the bigger orders. I was like, that's like Ellesmere Port. I was like, it's about 15 minutes away. And I checked it on Google and it was 10. And then because on the haveawordpod.com merch site, you have to leave your telephone number or an email.
Starting point is 00:22:03 Jamie had left his phone. So I text one of our listeners out of the blue at half past five on a Sunday evening. All right, mate, Stan Nightingale, are you in? And there was a pause where I think Jamie must have been like, which one of my mates is being a bellend? How do they even know I listen to that podcast? And then it must have just gone, this is actually Dan Nightingale. He's like, yes, how are you?
Starting point is 00:22:33 I was like, I've got you. Do you want me to just drop it round? He's like, okay. It shows how much of a thrifty bastard you are, though, where you're like, what? £6.70 to deliver it? It's only £4.35 in fuel.
Starting point is 00:22:48 But again, it's shutdown rules, isn't it? Because normally you'd be like, I'm a Brazilian man, I drive all the time. I was like, Laura, I've got to go out. She was like, where are you going? I was like, to Wells Mareport to drop off a hoodie, a t-shirt and a mug. It was fine. It's just nice to feel like you've got a purpose. So,
Starting point is 00:23:04 thank you, Jamie. To everyone else who's waiting on their order, you will have nice to feel like you've got a purpose. So, thank you, Jamie. To everyone else who's waiting on the road, you will have them this week. I've got some... Ooh, new hat. What's happening here? A little golf hat. Yeah? My hair's too long.
Starting point is 00:23:15 It keeps going in my eyes, so I've brought a hat on. Nightmare. Fucking nightmare. Fucking nightmare you'd fucking love to have, don't you? You know it. They don't know know it mama like that right so um all the merch is on the way if you want to buy more merch it's a have a word pod.com jamie thanks for uh tweeting out about it and that is a first section where we just basically went Huck a Liz, Huck a Liz, so do you, so do you.
Starting point is 00:23:46 And let's have a middle section. Go on then. Today's episode is brought to you by Let's Be Naughty Darko.uk. Even though lockdown is easing, passing the time can still be hard. So why don't you shake things
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Starting point is 00:25:00 can have when you get a bit naughty. That's letsbenaughty.co.uk Right Arlid I you can have when you get a bit naughty. That's letsbenaughty.co.uk Right. Ah, late. I, I feel like this section needs a theme tune. Because we've got one for the end.
Starting point is 00:25:16 And I think I've come up with it. It's really original. Because this bit we just fuck around, don't we? Yeah. So it's time to fuck around with Adam and Dan. Send us all the shit and we'll read it all out. This was never meant to be a part of the pod. Now it's the biggest fucking bit.
Starting point is 00:25:38 I like it. I like it. Send us all the shit to fill up the time. Questions or fucking stories. People don't have that many problems with their friends. So we can't really do a whole show just on two emails. Do you know what I am actually noticing on the emails? We will run out of have a words and we're gonna have to like i think we've
Starting point is 00:26:05 had in 68 episodes only one episode that we've not ended on a have a word ever and i think that's the the weirdly the future because we get so many questions so many suggestions but people have run out i don't know if everyone's just decided to be nicer to everyone in the world but we get an occasional have a word i think there's something we genuinely know if everyone's just decided to be nicer to everyone in the world, but we can occasionally have a word. I think that's something we genuinely need to... Like, it's going to be so strange in a studio, massive setup, if we're, like, inviting Jason Manford or whoever, we're going to ask on to the podcast.
Starting point is 00:26:35 And they're like, so what's the podcast? And you're like, eh, yeah. Well, it's not what it... Yeah. So what we do is, I mean, we used to, but then we... See, the shutdown happened and we did 4,000 episodes in about a fortnight. Never mind. Let's just talk shit.
Starting point is 00:26:53 I want to do this. I've got another acting class for you because I feel like it's been a while. It's been a while since you've done, you're doing actor training. You're doing actor training. You're doing actor training for your big... But you said a class for me. I don't need to be taught how to act.
Starting point is 00:27:11 You want me to teach other people how to act. Right. Adam, you haven't got the career you want yet in Hollywood. But as an artist, as a vessel... Well, coronavirus started up, didn't it? I was going to LA for a week on holiday and something would have happened. Oh, as a vessel. Well, coronavirus got fired up, didn't it? I was going to LA for a week on holiday, and something would have happened. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:29 That's how it works, isn't it? Where are you going for two weeks? Hollywood. Hey, Dazza, what did you do on your holidays? Fucking film three films. Unbelievable out there, lad. You just get out there they're like
Starting point is 00:27:46 hey yeah Giza we're doing a film here in the studio do you want to come and do it he's like hey
Starting point is 00:27:52 I've got we've got fucking table reserved the planet planet Hollywood I've got three hours what am I gonna do Darren Joanne
Starting point is 00:28:00 fuck off yeah it's not a class, but, you know, Adams, is it fair to say you're still developing as an acting talent? Is that fair? I think it's fair to say that
Starting point is 00:28:15 that's what people think. I think I'm the finished article, but... Yeah, I think that's how you approach most things in your life innit as he wears his fucking ping
Starting point is 00:28:27 golfing hat yeah it's because I'm a golfer how much how much I mean how much have you spent on the fucking shoe
Starting point is 00:28:37 like in your head you're a shoe artist and you've basically bought two pairs of Nike Force 1s and a load of fucking
Starting point is 00:28:44 primary school paints and you haven't touched a fucking trainer. I haven't even opened the brush. 290 quid. You need a hobby. United! I've already got it on Amazon Prime. It'll be here in the morning.
Starting point is 00:29:00 Next day. I'm bored of that. I don't want to do that. Just walking around with some EDL white trainers oh fucking hell I'd love it if you became an actor I just think
Starting point is 00:29:15 everyone's an actor we just don't know what our stories are yet oh oh my god I didn't know I'd say that in the audition say that in the audition because that is
Starting point is 00:29:31 that is about 80% as cunty as you need to be to be an actor I once did a gig at a Scarborough Drama Festival this is fucking years ago and they were like we want some comedy we've got loads of a-level students and they're all they're all like doing
Starting point is 00:29:49 drama workshops got professional actors coming up and they're teaching workshops and at the end of it we'd like some comedy it can't be like they gave me a list of what it couldn't be they were like 17 18 there's about 300 of them and i got about 400 quid. And this is about 15 years ago, 16 years ago. It was good money for where I was at. Did it, fine, nice gig. And then they put me up at a B&B. And in the morning, I was at breakfast, and the other actors, they'd obviously put everyone in the same B&B.
Starting point is 00:30:20 So all these actors, probably my age, like 25, 30, early 30s. I have heard some cunty conversations in my time. But, you know, when you're comedians, comedians have to be self-aware to a point because we're also, we're good at listening. But we also, we're very aware of ourselves because in comedy, ours is the art form where if we do or say anything that people don't like ours is the one live art form where people can go hey fuck off you fucking bellend what the fuck are you talking about what's that fucking hat you're wearing and actors are just
Starting point is 00:30:56 like either behind a screen or on a stage where everyone's like shh and oh my god like oh yeah i actually spoke to the director and i'm like the bell end having a toasted tea cake. I actually spoke to the director and he said, of course I saw your work. And all I heard for about half an hour of toasted tea cake was, oh, my God. And the first thing that's reminded me of that is when you said that thing about,
Starting point is 00:31:23 obviously, we have those stories that we haven't told them yet. Do you know, the worst sort of thing along those lines I've ever heard, Jade, at one point, worked in digital marketing for a company in Knowsley called Curveball Solutions. Sounds legit. Her boss was such a, like,
Starting point is 00:31:46 fucking word-of-the-day toilet paper guy. He was like... And in his fucking presentation to Jade, like, welcome to the company. So we're here. We're Curveball Solutions. We're here to throw a curveball at the solution. Some people will look at it and go,
Starting point is 00:32:03 I'd throw a straight ball at that. I want to throw a curveball. And he goes, here's how we work in a nutshell. You don't go to B and Q because you need a drill. You go because you need a hole. Oh my god.
Starting point is 00:32:31 What What a fucking prick. I love it. Firstly, I love the fact that he had to explain the name of his company like bell-end comedians do with the name of their edinburgh show at the fringe they're like uh my friend show is called um this because and i'll tell you why i'll just do the fucking jokes just do your jokes we'll work out why you've called it what you've called it oh hi guys thanks for coming to see my edinburgh show my edinburgh show is called just funny and it's because i just thought what we need more of is oh well the reason people do that is because they're pandering to the audience in it like the edinburgh highbrow oh we want to
Starting point is 00:33:19 know what he means rather than just why he's funny i I remember, I swear to God this is true. So 2017, I did a show at the Edinburgh Festival at the Mash House in your Mash House room, the Snifter room, right? And the show was called Unbearable. Now, I've never released the material from that show online because it only worked as... I put the show together and it really only worked as one big thing.
Starting point is 00:33:46 I could cut certain bits out, but I couldn't put the whole thing out without putting the whole thing out. Which happens a lot with Edinburgh shows, doesn't it? That happens a lot with Edinburgh. They are a succinct thing. Sometimes it doesn't work. It's not like a set.
Starting point is 00:33:57 So I will explain the full story of this. I have a weird live show, but I've just got to give you context for what I'm about to say so the last story in that show was about a girl that I slept with and within a week she was dead and it's a true
Starting point is 00:34:14 story right I slept with a girl and a week later she was dead that's a 100% true story I'll explain it I thought you had it medically reduced, you dick. How big is it?
Starting point is 00:34:29 Mama like that. Mama like that. Oh, Jesus. Now, the last story in the show was about how I found out
Starting point is 00:34:39 that that had happened. Right? Now, the show was called Unbearable. And in that last story of the show is the first time and the only time in the whole show that i used the word unbearable so i in a really convoluted wanky way which i'm not super proud of and the show i i think that's the best show i've ever done but i was like when that happened I was like I was so arrogant
Starting point is 00:35:06 to think is this something to do with me am I that unbearable and then and then did a finger on the nose and went
Starting point is 00:35:13 oh but on the front row there was like two middle class women mother and daughter one was like I'd say 60 odd
Starting point is 00:35:24 and the other like in her 30s and they had not smiled two middle-class women, mother and daughter. One was like, I'd say 60-odd, and the other like in her 30s. And they had not smiled for the whole show once. And when I said, I thought, is this something to do with me? Am I that unbearable? They both looked at each other, smirked and nodded.
Starting point is 00:35:46 Like, that's why we're here what what a great thing the edinburgh festival is is something that people put years and time and money into and energy and they comedians put so much i mean some people just turn up and talk shit but others like literally painstaking preparation it costs thousands of pounds and you go up and in places you play to some of the most knowledgeable insightful like interested respectful audience members and you also play to pompous cunts who couldn't get a ticket for someone else. And anyone, any new comic who's idolising the Fringe and what it represents, just remember that for every five customers
Starting point is 00:36:33 who are there because they like comedy and they've heard of you or they've taken a recommendation and they're just in the mood, there is one cunt who would rather be watching Sorry I Haven't Got A Cl clue at the bbc radio four tent and now they're watching you begrudgingly like literally they're just there because their dinner reservation is like 85 minutes away oh it's painful like oh that was the and that's the
Starting point is 00:36:59 only bit they enjoyed the whole time when they were smirky bitches like you see yeah he's been building up to this for 57 minutes well done ah funny oh god just put this that well how can you go for so long and not smile and then be like oh yeah theatrical construct oh stick it up your flange so taking some suggestions from the listeners thanks everyone now this time I've decided to challenge because this is a few weeks ago we did a randomiser
Starting point is 00:37:36 I've still got it on the desk as well I love the randomiser where I put a job and like a description and a nationality. It all got a bit random. And I realise now, after the fact, that paedophile isn't a proper job. Okay?
Starting point is 00:37:53 Which Adam pointed out at the time, but I was just trying to get characters out. Not now that fucking Jeffrey Epstein's been offed by the fucking Illuminati, lad. That was his job, but they fucking killed him, didn't they? Right. Okay, I don't know what just happened there. Jeffrey Epstein was a professional paedophile, so it was a job for a bit. Yeah, but he didn't put that on his tax return, did he?
Starting point is 00:38:16 I'll tell you what. It's a nightmare getting a mortgage when you're self employed, but if you put pro-pedo. Pro-pedo. Pro-pedo. Muscle? Pro-pedo. employed but if you put pro pedo pro pedo pro pedo muscle pro pedo sounds like a laxative drug doesn't it have you tried pro pedo it really it sounds like a swimwear brand. Pro-pedo. Pro-pedo.
Starting point is 00:38:53 You could swim like a shark with our patented super soft swimwear collection. Pro-pedo. For when you want to be a pedophile professionally. It works really well in the shallow pool. Oh, Daniel. So, I'm going to give you the character I want you to commit. I mean, if anyone's heard the podcast
Starting point is 00:39:11 before, you'll know that Adam is phenomenal at accents. Oh, Dan! Oh, no. Dan! It's Nessa to you, right? Oh. Fucking only one.
Starting point is 00:39:35 Oh, oh. It's like Nessa during a stroke. Oh, oh. What's going on? Jack on. You're doing a good job. Right. Oh What's that Karen? Raccoon You're doing a good job Right Did Nessa just become Michael Caine?
Starting point is 00:39:52 Oh I'm Michael Caine You're morphing your fucking impressions Oh You're only supposed to blow off their bleeding toes Uncle Bren First character 73 year old
Starting point is 00:40:11 Right go on Start again This is the character 73 year old Female Scottish Prostitute Oh darling I don't know how much
Starting point is 00:40:26 I could give you a discount but I just need to get fucked in the eyes so that I can pay for some heroin Jesus Christ I've actually written down a few questions because I know you're so good
Starting point is 00:40:42 you're such a natural actor questions that i i want to ask you in character so okay okay do you what's your name madam destiny she's 73 it's not age appropriate She's 73. It's not age appropriate. Fucking destiny, baby.
Starting point is 00:41:11 It doesn't have to be Morag because I don't think that's a street name, but fucking destiny, McCloud. Every cloud has a silver lining and that's usually... Listen here, Sonny Jim. Oh, Sonny Jim. If you want to take the piss out of my name, I'll fucking kill you in my cup. Sounds weirdly like Jamie Godley.
Starting point is 00:41:35 Destiny. Yes? What? How's your shutdown? How's your shutdown been? How have you been getting through? How's your shutdown? How's your shutdown been? How have you been getting through? I haven't really been Shut down people who want to fuck
Starting point is 00:41:52 Scottish 73 year old prostitutes Don't really care much for government Guidelines Big fan of Nicola Sturgeon or She's doing her best Big fan of Nicola Sturgeon or? Aye, she's doing her best. She's doing her best. Tell you what, even 73-year-old Scottish prostitutes are pro-SMP.
Starting point is 00:42:20 Aye, she's doing her best. Right, lovely to meet you, Destiny. But, Adam. Adam. No problem. Very good. Honestly, you really committed to that, and you answered the question, which I didn't think you would. Number two.
Starting point is 00:42:41 Grumpy Russian comedy club compere. Right now, everybody need to shut up too much noise comedians they can't get jokes out because you all being too loud and Larry I don't care if it's fucking Christmas Christmas fuck up round of applause for your first act is done
Starting point is 00:42:59 Nightingale come on clap you cunts clap nice what's what's your name, sir? Igor Komparov! Igor Komparov! How did you just think of that on the spot? Igor Komparov. I think he was a chess player.
Starting point is 00:43:33 Igor Komparov. You'd have a nightmare being his agent, wouldn't you? Igor's available to do sets as well. The club would be like, yeah, for some reason we just see him as a komper. Fourth question. Who's drinking? as well. The club would be like, yeah, for some reason we just see him as a compa. Fourth question. Who's drinking? Fucking
Starting point is 00:43:51 pussies. You call that drinking? I call it being a pussy. You have it straight, not with ice and cola. Fucking bitch. Round of applause for next comedian is Brennan Brennan Rysk. Now we're going to split room into three sections.
Starting point is 00:44:10 Section A. Russian section. Section B. Ukrainian disgusting section. Section C. Gypsy section. Do not look at them. Okay.
Starting point is 00:44:22 Manly. Loud applause from section A Pathetic Clapping from section B Do not clap section C You dirty hands Really good Really good
Starting point is 00:44:34 Once again I mean Ego komparov Fucking brilliant I would Right Can Can we Can we
Starting point is 00:44:45 Can we for at least one Have a word live show One of us compare as Igor Komparov Welcome to fucking stupid podcast Where makes stupid voice You idiot patrons Sit there and listen to shit Welcome on stage Adam Rumsky You idiot patrons, sit there and listen to shit.
Starting point is 00:45:07 Welcome on stage, Adam Rumsky. Great. I've got number three. Horny Welsh bus driver. Horny Welsh bus driver. He's going to do next oh now you see it's £2.80 unless you want to
Starting point is 00:45:27 jump in a booth and suck my dick I love it £2.80 or a wee little play of the balls what do you want
Starting point is 00:45:37 you want to pay for the bus or you want to earn it I swear to god your Welsh goes so Jamaican you want to play for the bus
Starting point is 00:45:44 or you're going to £2.80 Me take you all the way to Kingston It's near real It's £2.80 return Or you can spend £3.80 on a mega rider And let me just say That's not a ticket
Starting point is 00:46:04 Right and let me just say that's not a ticket right I'm not sure about your horny Welsh bus driver I think for some reason you got oh Dan he's trying his best give him a break it's Ness isn't it basically Ness or Bus you're doing really well.
Starting point is 00:46:26 Number four. Igor Komparov is really making me laugh. What is job? You're lucky to have it. Is this your woman? Pathetic. I'll see you afterwards. Follow me on Twitter um number four irritable northern irish
Starting point is 00:46:51 yoga instructor you know you're not fucking using my mat i lent you a mat last week you bring your own fucking mat you're gonna do yoga in my fucking house. Jesus. Adam, have you been practicing on this live? Because you're like considerably less shit than you used to be. It's really good. It's really good. Can I ask you a question? I don't know what your name is. I don't know if it's male or female, the yoga instructor.
Starting point is 00:47:20 I can't tell with Northern Irish because it doesn't sound. It all sounds fucking new-nayish new name hey my name's fucking leanne my name is fucking kieran mclaughlin kieran mclaughlin i like it now kieran uh can i ask you a few questions these are set questions sure please go ahead man Have you ever listened to podcasts? Aye Have you ever heard the Have a Word podcast? Have I fuck?
Starting point is 00:47:55 Have you ever visited a place called Skam? Skammersdale? I mean I'm from there The little-known Skelmersdale to Ulster movement of Nannas. She's from there.
Starting point is 00:48:12 She moved over here during the Troubles because she likes a fucking fight. Mate, you know you'll love a Barney if you move to Northern Ireland. Fucking hell, lad. They look like they're into it there. Fuck's game. She was 62
Starting point is 00:48:30 when she moved. Really camp American traffic warden. Really camp. Hey! Now, come on! You can't park here and you know you can't park here. It says right here, don't be parking here.
Starting point is 00:48:49 I don't want to give you a ticket. You're making me give you a ticket. Either move the car, or I'm going to give you a ticket. What is it? Do you want to move, or do you want a ticket? Which one? Oh, my God, I'll just write you up. Move or ticket?
Starting point is 00:48:59 No, seriously, just one quick answer. Move or ticket? Oh, my God. Move? You're going to move? Your vehicle is so big. You can't reverse it in there, can you?
Starting point is 00:49:09 I'm gonna have to put... Just wanna let you know. Go on. He's happily married. He's not gay. Oh. He's just camp. He's just camp. What? He's just camp. He's just camp, yeah. I just wanna let you know, I'll give you a bit of a backstory. His's kenneth blighton kenneth blighton
Starting point is 00:49:29 he's married to leslie blighton and they've got four kids all called george george one george two george three george four i don't know I don't know where I went nor nourish. Love it. So, Kenneth, hi. Hi! Oh my god, hi. Where are you from in the States? Everywhere, baby. Where do you want me to be from? I've been all over. I'm not from anywhere.
Starting point is 00:49:59 None of us are from anywhere. You're just born where you're born. I'm a child of the world. If you want to know where you're born i'm a child of the world if you want to know where i was born kentucky it's not about where you're from it's where you jizz stop it so i'm from the toilets um but do you know kenneth can i ask you a serious question we've got some pre set questions absolutely i'm here for a serious question? We've got some pre-set questions. Absolutely. I'm here for a serious conversation.
Starting point is 00:50:28 Could you describe your perfect day, Kenneth? What's your idea of a perfect day? My perfect day is eating pomegranate and smashing pussy. And that's on shift as a traffic warden, is it? On my perfect day, I'm not working, sweetheart. Don't be fucking stupid. Oh, that's on shift as a traffic warden, is it? On my perfect day, I'm not working, sweetheart. Don't be fucking stupid. Oh, that's so stupid. Oh, my God, that's so my fault.
Starting point is 00:50:52 Kenneth, can I also ask you this question? I've written this down. Do you know what a nonce is? A nonce? Isn't that a dirty, dirty man who fucks little kids? A nonce? Wow, the Camp Kentucky nonce is quite something to behold innit
Starting point is 00:51:09 a nonce oh I enjoyed that more than I should have done I knew today that we could have oh I've just got biro on me fucking hoodie I knew we could have done anything and we'd have had a laugh with it
Starting point is 00:51:27 instead of being like, oh, so we've got a question from... Adam, I can't believe how focused you were there. I told you. I'm the finished article and it's just going to take some big Hollywood agent to spot me walking down Sunset Boulevard and go,
Starting point is 00:51:44 he is the new Arnold Schwarzenegger. Who has been to see live comedy before? Who has watched their grandparent die as they escape a gulag? Why are you crying? This is my life. Western piece of shit. Now, welcome on stage, newly skinny,
Starting point is 00:52:09 Adam Romsky. Oh, God. I really want to develop Ivo... No, sorry, is it? Igor. Igor. Igor Komparov. Igor Komparov.
Starting point is 00:52:22 I really want to develop that idea. Just throwing it out there. When we do the Hathaway Sketch Show on BBC3. Let's get it. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let's paint the studio first.
Starting point is 00:52:35 Fucking hammer and sickle. What colour? Red! Like the blood of my grandparents as they die in Gulag for me to play Ruffle Comedy Club.
Starting point is 00:52:48 Newcastle on the line. And also Derby, new venue. Oh, ridiculous. We've got a... Let's just have a break. I need a little minute, all right? Okay. Okay.
Starting point is 00:53:05 Oh, dear. You know them, you love them. It's Vauxhall Comedy Club in that there London. If you're visiting London, if you're going down for the weekend, take your missus, take your fella, take them to go and see comedy. There's some cracking comedy shows in London. Some of them, and I've played them, are a little lacking in fucking soul. Vauxhall Comedy Club.
Starting point is 00:53:28 This is a comedy club done with love and care and done properly. In a great room with great atmosphere with brilliant comics. Some from the TV. Some up and coming circuit talent. And the absolute best of it, if you're there for the weekend, is Friday and Saturday night. And down at Vauxhall Comedy Club, they call it Bottomless Booze Comedy. So basically, you pay them an entry fee with the money for your booze included. It's 25 quid.
Starting point is 00:53:48 It's a 90-minute show. And you also get bottomless booze, wine, beer, cider, 25 quid. There's also a spirit and mix of bottomless ticket. That starts at £35. And if you're a purist, you're staying sober, you're fucking ziving, the ticket's just a tenner. Once we're done with the Rona and back to normal trading, Vauxhall Comedy Club is usually open Monday to Saturday. It's right next to a street food garden. And between now and then, do us a favour and have a word
Starting point is 00:54:09 and follow the Vauxhall Comedy Club online. You can join their mailing list. It's at Vauxhall Comedy Club on Insta, at Vauxhall Comedy on Twitter, and Vauxhall Comedy Club on Facebook. It's an over 18 night out. And you never know, come the autumn, you might see me and Adam there.
Starting point is 00:54:24 From Texas to Skem, every lead is listening to the funniest podcast in the game. This is Have A Word. All right, my love, we have got fucking online shopping to do. We've got to look at furniture, desks, the shit we need to be doing, organising. Have a word studios. It's so close. We've got to sort of have a word. I am intrigued to see where you come down on this old Adam.
Starting point is 00:54:58 Okay. Okay. Okay. This is bordering on like this guy writing stand-up material. Anyway. Says, hi, lads. This is something that I've noticed for a while, but a recent conversation has driven me to this.
Starting point is 00:55:15 I was ordering the grosses online with my other hearth, Judy, who is, on the whole, a fine woman. I just wanted to get the job done. Judy had other ideas. I asked her how many tins of baked beans I should order. Standard question, simple numeric answer required. Judy had other ideas. She began to discuss with herself the likely baked bean needs of her two boys for the coming week. No permutation was left unconsidered. Shall we call it four then? I said. On it went. Eventually I said, four it is then.
Starting point is 00:55:46 And she agreed. I looked at her and added, mainly in jest, there's no need to show your fucking workings, you know. She did not laugh. However, I was quite pleased with my line. So, please have a word with women. Oh, Jesus. Tell them not to show their workings we have spent years perfecting closed questions to avoid pointless chatter yet you blatantly disregard this for future reference
Starting point is 00:56:16 the answer we are looking for to one of our questions is nearly always one of five choices one yes two no three i don't know four a number five anal i really feel like he's doing shtick and no banter and and where did the guy fuck you anal doesn't make sense and no fucking detail either most conversations require no embellishment and recounting a conversation in that I said to her, then she said to me style, which just makes you look mental. Thanks, lads. Great show. And that's from Simon.
Starting point is 00:56:54 So we're having a word, contentious, with all women, because you know what they're like, Adam. What are they like, bloody women? Well, I'll say this right now two things first of all patrice o'neill has got an amazing routine about women not being able to tell stories and it's fucking perfect it's brilliant we'll find the link maybe maybe I'll tweet it, if not just go and google it YouTube it, you'll be able to find it that is definitely true
Starting point is 00:57:28 like Patrice's bit is about, he goes he always makes his girlfriend tell her the end of the story before he agrees to hear the whole thing so she's like he's like right what happened, what's the end of the story someone got shot
Starting point is 00:57:43 and he's like right go on, happened? What's the end of the story? Someone got shot. And he's like, right, go on. Try and tell a story. It's brilliant. But we can't have a word with all women here because this isn't all women. This is his missus, isn't it? This is Judy. She is a neurotic nightmare. What I can do is have a word
Starting point is 00:58:00 with this woman and Jade because Jade is also a fucking lunatic with shit like this. And I seen her, you know, like, I follow a girl. She's like a Liverpool-based blogger named Steph, but she goes under the brand Scousebird. And I think it was her, she tweeted like a meme the other day or put it on Instagram.
Starting point is 00:58:23 And it was, girls know where we want to eat we just don't know your budget and i was like fuck you is that bollocks true i will ask jade knows exactly how much money i've got at all times and she cannot pick a fucking restaurant if it meant saving our lives not at all do you know if I ask Jade, this is 100% true and she might not forgive me for saying this on the podcast. If I ask Jade if she wants a cup of tea, do you know what she does?
Starting point is 00:58:51 She takes about 10 to 20 seconds to consider it and then answer, which is a long time to answer the question, do you want a cup of tea? Do you know what she does
Starting point is 00:59:02 in that 10 to 20 seconds? She imagines drinking a cup of tea and tasting it and then decides whether she's in the mood for that. Wow. I mean, really? That's what everyone does, but it's worrying that that takes 20 seconds, isn't it? Like she's imagining it in real time.
Starting point is 00:59:20 It can take minutes. I'm just, hang on. Do you want one or not? I'm just imagining finishing the cup of tea. I'm just, hang on. What, do you want one or not? I'm just imagining finishing the cup of tea. So, just give me a minute. Have a word.
Starting point is 00:59:31 I love it when people are like this. Have a word with women. You know what they're like? Oh, 3.6 fucking billion of them. Yeah,
Starting point is 00:59:41 they're always. I think I've mentioned on the podcast before, I struggle with any non-comedian telling me a story. Because all muggles are
Starting point is 00:59:55 shit at telling stories. There's too much flab on them. They give you too much unnecessary detail. They give you characters that don't pertain to the main storyline as a comedian you learn to get rid of all that with experience you go i don't need that bit i don't need that bit i might need that bit because it makes it funnier whatever i mean good comedians good comedians i do because i've watched some comedians it's a little bit flabby like
Starting point is 01:00:21 cut it the fuck down but like most of my friends in comedy and as an extension in real life are good storytelling comedians you danny mclaughlin paul smith there's a lot of people i'm mates with who i spend time with and if they tell me a story they know how to tell it comedians in green rooms will tell you the story. It's on beat. It flows, it ebbs and flows, and the funniest bit is at the end. And when you get used to listening to those stories, and then after a gig, some drunk cunt goes, I got one for you, right?
Starting point is 01:00:59 So this one time, right, I was in Wrexham, right? Well, no, it wasn't actually Wrexham. It was was in Wrexham. Well, no, it wasn't actually Wrexham. It was just outside Wrexham. Well, I worked in Wrexham at the time, so let's just say it was Wrexham. And I was painting and decorating. Well, I was doing the joinery, actually, but we were mainly there to paint and decorate the whole thing.
Starting point is 01:01:19 When someone does that... Can I just say, that impression sounded like me when I'm telling a bad story on this podcast i was like holy shit this is ringing true for some reason i'm like this sounds like me when i've not concentrated on where the story is going and another thing adam i have to put when i get one of those stories told to me post show by any woman man anyone i have to put such a oh i'm listening face on, because I'm fucking not.
Starting point is 01:01:46 The second I go, this guy doesn't know how to tell a story, I am doing something else in my head. I'm painting our office. I've seen it. Deciding what I'm going to have to eat on the way home. I can tell when you're like... And I have to listen for inflections to be like...
Starting point is 01:01:59 Yeah. I'm not here, mate. I've seen it. You've not got the best poker face. You're being professional, being friendly, but I can see you going, what the fuck are you on about, lad? I mean, the thing is, Simon, we get what you mean,
Starting point is 01:02:17 but the wording of it is very old school, like, you know what they're all bloody like and i just think it's disingenuous to pretend that there aren't men out there that are great big ocd on the spectrum flapping granddads before the time like what would you like from the shop well let me just think through what i've got and what i've not got. And, like, everyone's capable of it, man and woman. And sometimes I get the generalising is a necessity. You have to generalise. But there are some generalisations that are so colossal,
Starting point is 01:02:55 you're like, ah, yeah, not really, you know? Not really. Also, it's a funny one when you're like, can you have a word with women because you know what they're all like? It's like that language is strangely, like strangely like i mean to some people not acceptable but for most people like oh yeah you're allowed to say that so can you imagine if you were like can you have a word with black people because you know what they're all like you'd be like whoa what the fuck are you saying because it's women i'm like sorry i've got one i haven't got a black person i've got a
Starting point is 01:03:25 woman she's in there twatting on with lists just go to fucking co-op judy um i get simon i get what you mean but the thing is i would love like a truman show cct CCTV recording of you going about your daily life, because I bet Simon's well capable of some, like, actually, I wonder if I could pontificate about something fucking boring, because all men are capable of that. Like, I think a lot of men have got that within them to be like, which, like, as soon as you're planning a journey, all of a sudden you just channel your fucking dad skills.
Starting point is 01:04:06 Like, oh, I think it's probably best to go this way because there's not any traffic. So I think everyone's capable of it, mate. But I appreciate the way you wrote in with, I have a word that was essentially written like a piece of stand-up material. Question five, Answer. Anal. Simon.
Starting point is 01:04:32 What question? What question is he answering, Judy, that she's saying anal? What in his fucking... Oh, God. What type of examination was it, Judy?
Starting point is 01:04:43 Five. I'm on the phone. They gonna kill me mom if i don't tell them exactly what it means to be overly tidy and incessantly clean and what's the word anal thanks judy oh god oh god right odd pod uh after the song will be me listing the £10 patrons thank you to everyone that signs up for patreon patreon.com slash have a word pod if you haven't done it already
Starting point is 01:05:13 depending on what tier you are you get discounts on merch and the merch is at haveawordpod.com and all of that shit pays for the studio that we are about to move into that is going to make this shit so much better. So much better.
Starting point is 01:05:32 Oh, we're about to take it up a notch, Daniel. I can feel it. It's going to be so good. People are going to love the content more. They're going to get more out of me and you because we're going to be able to see each other again. How much better? This has been the best podcast we've done in a month, I reckon.
Starting point is 01:05:48 This has been so much fun. And it's because we got a little bit of chemistry back by spending half an hour with each other earlier today. Oh, and the fucking Zoom meeting's going... And I'm like, oh, just fucking nearly done. Mate, if you ever want to see Adam Rowe revved up, sign for a studio with him. I've literally hung out with people
Starting point is 01:06:06 who've got two grams of cocaine in the system who are less lively than Adam Rowe is because he's looking at furniture for a studio. So. Oh, it's going to be so good. We are playing a song out that we've played before, but it's one of the hip-hop ones that I really enjoyed. It's Dead Kings with An Evening With.
Starting point is 01:06:23 If you know anyone or if you are a musical artist, whether it be DJ, music producer, hip hop artist, if you've got a band, if you know anyone, have a wordpod at gmail.com. Get them to send their music over. We will play them at the end of the pod. Dead Kings, An Evening With.
Starting point is 01:06:40 Adam, see you on Wednesday for the Patreon episode. Bye Felicia! Bye Felicia. Bye, Felicia. Thank you. Side of that moon, no prism, it's a fast ride to doom With your face in the system, but wait that's in the system With the opposite of fiction, they're trying to take the wealth Or break up the divisions, we're weaker apart The future's bleakering parts, we need to beat the deceivers With the brother palms, tip a tip or grab the wiffle bat And beat them to shards, let them bleat
Starting point is 01:07:38 Then this sheep will be seeing the stars And all they're watching, is they live while you're catching This dynamic jewel burning falls with pen blotches A penny for your thought, now you're bought, it just slots in Money on your mind, it doesn't matter, that's a problem It's taken me a while to see who are friends from those you have to leave behind Prone pretenders love to play the part I thrive from those genuine who look out for most
Starting point is 01:07:59 You don't need to be a martyr to change someone's day Through being kind-hearted, all I'm saying is Let's start where we all started Open-minded with a desire to move forward Support the causes, you support the unsupported Represent those at home as much as the world's own Where business is bought, nothing but justified extremism Bereavement bought, and in the first world school of thought The things we complain of are madness when you reflect and stop
Starting point is 01:08:23 Mobile phone lust doesn't compare to a breakfast mullet of Where a cold is not a cop, toxic water is what you've got Disease free is a luxury, fast food is attached to a parachute Medicine has dilute if you wanted the lucky few This is the reality but we know this already Shut the fuck up, change the channel on the telly Group of angry marginalised social outcasts being told how to act Belittled bedrooms taxed by the upper upper middle class
Starting point is 01:08:46 Celebrated by those who would have loved ancient Rome This is nothing major An evening with the dead kings making a wager Wake up, we put the ink to the paper Manko providing the beats for the caper This is nothing major An evening with the dead kings making a wager Wake up, we put the aim to the paper Minecraft providing the beats for the caper Your whole life is a race I'm the drifter rolling with the shades on my face But I make peace See the truth in spitting black and white The colour that you're seeing is a lie See behind it, the messages stay hidden to the sighted
Starting point is 01:09:23 It's not apparent to the eye unless you imbibe the hybrid or open your mind or open your mind's iris a good way to start retracting your eyelids and see the world for the real question what you feel they brokered the deal but i'm breaking the seal i'm the block known for long courts courts and stars steal hungry for the truth but uncruised my next meal i'm not feeling it brother i'm hardly even breathing in reeling from the heavy air around us as they feel a sin i heal too quick i'm tied up forcing to be on the sin but the force will fly guy leviathan these dead kings yo because this is nothing major an evening with the dead kings making a wager wake up we put the ink to the paper providing the beats for the keeper. So a big thank you to our £10 patrons. Maggie, I'm sorry I didn't do your shout out last week thank you
Starting point is 01:10:29 and thank you to Khadija Mir, Tom Lazarus, John Ryan, Stephen Byrne, Kenny Gad, Kira Tan, Sam Snook, Jonathan Bagley, Max Prenti, Tom Simpson, Steph Keeling, Stephen Thompson, Mark Pugh, Megan, Colin Pugh, Dan Lindsay, Jason Reynolds, Ryan Farrow, Josh, Stephen Billick, Graham Owens, Mike Pugh, Tom Twisselton, Andrew Boyle, Tom Sivita. I've always fucked that up. Sorry, Thomas. Thomas Sivita I've always fucked that up sorry Thomas Thomas Sivita Dave Checkley Emma Donnelly Kate Hamilton Becky Hale
Starting point is 01:11:11 Rob Barker Mark Hammond Rob Knowles Robin Kerr Gerard Keane Andy T Jack Robert Wes Coakley
Starting point is 01:11:17 Adam Peter Vincent Tony P Jen Wilson I'm pretty sure he's like the Jen Wilson I think it is. Hi, Jen. Josh Holt. Flusk.
Starting point is 01:11:32 Michael Woods. Alex Jones. Martin. Ella Knight. Fiona. Andy Mannix. Joseph Moore. Matt Flannery.
Starting point is 01:11:40 Kate Bidwell. Cade Bidwell. Sorry, Cade. Emma Green. Steve Green. Donna McCauley. Amy, Maxine Eyre, Jay Kyle, Simon Martin, Steve Boris, Johnny Edwards, Pete Graves, Tom Chadwick, Graham Cachelle, Lee Aitchison, Scott Brickcliffe, Saz Green, Ian Chadwick, Kiefer Gallagher. Kiefer's a cool name,
Starting point is 01:12:07 isn't it? Kiefer Gallagher is a very cool name. And that makes out that no one else's name is cool. I've just noticed Kiefer's name. Alexis Bly, Terry Burke, Dean Cochran, Stephen D Malone, Anthony Jolly, Sam McGuire. Thanks for all your retweeting, Sam. And we really appreciate it. Kieran Woodall, Johnny Armstrong, Kathleen Simon, Catherine Wells, Rebecca Thomas, Chris Watson, Ian Pringle, AJ Gregson, Janet Roskell,
Starting point is 01:12:30 Jason Hopkins, Barry Parsons, Barney Wood, Jill Bushell, Rob Upton, Daniel Pugh, Richard Palmer, Tom Rowe.
Starting point is 01:12:38 I don't know if that's any in relation to our lid. Probably, isn't it? David Everson, Anthony Duran, Sammy Taylor, Mark Hollenbach, Bunny Whitehead, James Fuchs, Mike Kivy, Julie Smith, Rob Bell. I mean, these are the OGs, by the way. These guys signed up right at the start. Kirstie Leonard, Steve Woolley, Paul McDonald, Lee Bramley, Mike Sullivan, Colette Hind, Nathan Sharrocks, start kirsty leonard steve woolley paul mcdonald lee bramley mike sullivan colette hind nathan
Starting point is 01:13:05 sharrocks jess yarwood jack rush kieran gibson frank hughes frog and bucket comedy club chris jones louise grimes matley jamie moores who i saw yesterday with his merch jennifer ridding Mike Quirk, Owen Badman, Chris Chubbs, Rachel Herron, Christian, Mark Cowan, Matt, Nick Stannard, Stephen Theobald, Aaron Ledbetter, Liam, Daniel Newman, John Barrowcliffe, Joanne Parr, Matt Delmaine, Texas Jellyfuggy, Chris Townsend, Ali Richardson, Rachel Whiteley, George, Curtis Charlton, Sam Crow, Russell W, Danny Gilligan. And our first ever £10 Top Top Lid was Lee Grant. Thank you very much, Lee. You were the very first. All right, lids. I's very exciting about the studio and uh
Starting point is 01:14:07 you guys have made it possible and yeah you're gonna get more bang for your buck coming up and if you're listening going i can't afford a tenner there is the three pound there's the five there's the ten um and even if you can't afford any of it, just tell a friend what we're doing. We're trying to grow this bitch. Appreciate you guys. Peace. you you you you you you you you you She filled my mind up with ideas, ideas, ideas, ideas. I'm not highest in the room, room, room, room. Doo, doo, doo, doo.
Starting point is 01:18:07 Doo, doo, doo, doo. Doo, doo, doo, doo. Doo, doo, doo, doo. Casey's view, view, view, view. She fill my mind up with ideas, ideas, ideas. I'm the highest in the room. Roam, room, room, room. Man, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm. She got my money, I got the highest in the room. I'm the highest in the room.
Starting point is 01:18:31 Order. Order. I'm the highest in the room. Order. Disgusting. Adam, where the fuck are you you're making me wait unnecessarily
Starting point is 01:18:52 I am disgusted oh come on where's the hairy little fucking munchkin where's skinny ro little fucking munchkin? Where's Skinny Ro? Come on, Skinny Ro, just last a year. He's been waiting for a podcast since 4.30. My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my Skinny Ro. Oh, where is Adam on the Zoom? Come on, skinny roll, let's do a pod To Curtain, please.
Starting point is 01:19:37 Oh, he's here. Hello. One second. Hey, no worries. You take your bloody time, lad. I lost track of time. Just too excited? Yes.

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