Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #73 - IN STUDIO - Have A Word w/Adam & Dan

Episode Date: July 13, 2020

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Oh, jeez. Show me muscle again. Oh, Hercules, Hercules. Oh, you think darkness is your ally? Who the fuck is that guy? Have you never seen me before? Don't chat to me. I can see fumes coming off your pum pum look like petrol station.

Disgusting. Follow us on social media at Havawadpod. And don't forget to watch our very funny podcast videos on YouTube. You can subscribe at youtube.com forward slash Havawadpod. Ja! They go by Alan and Dave, Aaron and Dean, Grandad and the Yeti, or even Chanel and Denise. Have a word. what's happening you fucking rat i'm still not used to that as the start of the pod. But we're colleagues, we're friends. Don't turn against me.

I wouldn't call you a rat if you were a friend. I'd just like fucking stab your nan or something, you know what I mean? There's a rat in the studio, what are you gonna do? There's a rat in the studio, what are you gonna do? It already sounds so much fucking better than it did last week. Yeah, it's getting there, isn't it? We have made huge strides. We thought we'd be ready today.

I'll be honest, there was a point the week before last where we thought we'd be ready seven days ago. What type of fucking glue were we sniffing that we thought, yeah, yeah, we'll just totally refurbish the studio in what? 24 hours. Three days? How many dads have you got? Oh, we'll just totally refurb a studio in what? 24 hours. Three days? How many dads have you got? Oh, you've just got one dad.

Oh, shit, yeah. We forgot we didn't have eight dads between us. But we can say this will definitely be done in like three more steps. And then we've got to put one more frame up, which is coming with me tomorrow. And then we're done. We're getting some photographs taken tomorrow.

And by Friday, we will be able to do a full episode in here and we get to do the press release. You know what's really funny? We've been quite secretive about this, by which I mean, we've only told the entire internet. We spoke about it for like two weeks on a podcast

whilst also keeping it secret from the comedy industry. Yeah, but what's funny about that is you find out which of your comedy mates listen to the pod. Because I've had a couple of messages going, oh, mate, very exciting about the podcast. And I'm like, oh, yeah, shit. You must be listening then. Because we've not done any Twitter posts on it.

Deliberately, yeah. Kept it very quiet. I've told Barry Dodds, Scott Bennett, like I've told my closest mates. Yeah. Because it's, you know. You won a tour, how about I say? Yeah. Because like seeing a fit girl, innit?

You're like, something's happened. But we've generally kept it quiet. You guys will be like, guys, just fucking get on with it. The start of every podcast, this is like the fourth record we've done together. Oh shit, have you prepped? I haven't prepped. You haven't prepped. Oh, cool.

Fucking daddy prepped. With my daughter going, daddy, play with me. Like, no, love. I'm prepping Have A Word. Play with the toys. I'm fucking paying for the toys with Have A Word. This is like the fourth or fifth record. Yeah, but Dan,

there's no point giving your child toys if you're not going to fucking play with them, is there? The biggest toy you can give her is your love and attention. I wonder what you were going to say then. It's a big fucking dildo. The biggest toy you can give her

is regret. We keep talking about the studio. We're not going to bang on about the whole episode i'm not sure i can promise that every but every time we sit down to record now we're like but we've done more it's like being a kid and wanting to show what you've done like and this week everybody adam got a bit of artwork i put it on the wall and we got soundproofing it's like show and tell for a podcast so i wanted to say because it got talked about on friday's episode that i was going to do that drive-in gig and i gave you a little name name check obviously it's your podcast as well but when i did the little on road sorry about it being so late because it was 10 p.m when that went up uh which i think everyone gets plus there's only like

there's only like about 800 hard-ons that are like where is it on a friday night like love do you want to get a takeaway no fuck off it's friday night have a word so everyone else would have been like yeah it was there when i needed it but um as i was driving back i remembered that i said oh you got offered that driving gig and you were like nah nah i don't want to do it i want to do a proper gig and as i was driving away from what was one of the weirdest experiences of my career i I was like, that fucking clever little hairy bastard. Saw that one coming. It was so nice to see Freddie, and it was so nice to see Justin,

and it was, you know, nice to see Freddie. And what the fuck was he wearing? He literally, if you said, that's a gypo from... Sorry. Sorry. Oh, Jesus. don't you dare to say

I've got I'm getting you know two words that I'm getting way too comfortable with is Jippo and retard and they're both

they're not allowed but I'm like oh I'm doing so I'm not racist I've done well there he looked like he just fixed up his waltzes

he looked grubby just this is how bad it was i was wearing an orange hoodie an orange hoodie my fucking running leggings brown leather boots and gray shorts i look like a futuristic nonce justin clock me i went all right is that what you're wearing i was like yeah, yeah. And then he caught Freddie, who was wearing like a barber jacket, lovely Ray-Bans, a shitty jumper. And if you said,

you've got to change the oil on you. He had tracky bottoms on. He had tracky bottoms on. But like, not like the tight, nice ones, the dead baggy. If you'd have got a DNA test on them tracky bottoms, I'm telling you, four types of food,

three types of jizz. That's a fucking banging name for an Edinburgh. Four types of food, three types of jizz. He, it looked bad. And then the Nike trainers

that Forrest Gump went running with, but like post run, post like 15,000 mile jog. See, I- Fucking messy, horrible cunt. We just, I looked terrible. He's a good friend of ours and you've just called him a messy, horrible cunt

to thousands of people. Mate, you just called me a rat. Yeah, you fucking rat. Yeah, but you're here to defend yourself. Yeah. He, I love Freddie. He looked like, he looked like a messy,

horrible cunt. And I was, I was dressed like a bellend and Justin just didn't give me, he was like, oh yeah, whatever. What the fuck? It was like,

and Freddie was still there going, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah,

ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah,

ah, ah, ah, ah, it was like he was getting roasted. I was like, Freddie, you've been literally doing a roast online.

It's like, oh, what did I expect to do this? Just cause you're outdoors and you're doing the drag i know it's in a field you're still on a stage though in it you still got i don't know they just look dirty four types of food i don't know why would it be three different types of jizz can i just say as well i don't know whether we've got any listeners in Runcorn, but we've spent the last two weeks of our lives here, and I've been back and forward from our new studio to Shop and City. And I've travelled all over the world, Dan. As you know, the Middle East, America, and Tenerife.

Hull. I always sell Hull in at the end. I've done gigs in New Zealand the Middle East the Alps Runkorn has got the ugliest people I've ever seen in my entire life every time I go to that shopping centre I see, do you remember that woman we've seen

who looked like soup like she had like a like a white but like off white complexion with like big boils throughout Like she had like a Like a A white But like Off white Complexion With like Big boils

Throughout I haven't been able to stop thinking about it Last night I had chicken soup And I could taste it Her face What does it taste like? Roncorn face Tastes like Roncorn lady

If you're not from The north west of England You might Not have heard of Roncorn It's sort you're not from the northwest of England, you might not have heard of Runcorn. It's sort of like... After seeing the people around here, I can't any longer say that it's a coincidence that there's a nuclear power plant nearby.

It's like there's a huge chemicals company just on the side of One Hill. There's an old bridge and a new bridge. And this is how it feels like. And then all the people that north wales didn't want recently crawled out of the ribble i'm still getting over that woman who i just because i was smiling in her direction she was like i found myself a husband she was like oh who are you sir what kind of traveler are you smiling you? Smiling as a lady at Asda on a Friday.

She was up to bang in the socially distanced queue in Asda. Just because I was like, she was like a smiler. There's one of those I can't find her on Facebook though. You know those like 1990s amusement arcades

that used to be in shopping centres? There's still one in, the Runcorn one. You know where there 1990s amusement arcades that used to be in shopping centres? There's still one in, the Runcorn one. You know where there's just like loads of... What? Like slot machines you get in the pub. Right, I thought you... Right, I don't know where I went in my head, but I thought you meant like fucking Alton Towers.

I was like... You've got fucking... You've got the spinning teacups. You're at the range, B&M and Nemesis. All in one cab. Where's WH Smith? Next to the fucking log flume. Just behind Trespass.

They do a lot of good trade for waterproofs. I thought, fucking, how advanced was your shopping centre when you grew up? Yeah, yeah. Preston was proper shit. I didn't realise everyone else was that much better. It's got the arcades. The caterpillar takes you from shop to shop.

The caterpillar. Yeah, a little arcade centre. It's called the amusement centre. Yeah, the amusements. And I seen a fella come out of there the other day in a leather jacket that oldest jeans I've ever seen, and he kicked the door on the way out. I was like...

She's fucking gone divorce me. I've lost a week's... I told her I was going shopping. I've put it all in the fucking one-armed band. I love amusements. Oh, it's so depressing. Oh, it's so depressing. Like arcades?

They're so grim. The only it's so depressing. What, like arcades? Or are you now talking about towers? The only good one that I've been in, in Newcastle City Centre, there is a bit where there's a huge cinema, pizza hut, and all these bars and restaurants. Is it called the fucking gate or the light? Anyway, behind there is a little route into Newcastle's Chinatown. Newcastle's Chinatown's fucking tight.

It's like down one street. Welcome to the China house. It's like down the side of the wall. They're like, yeah, you can go over there. It's kind of nice. For a city the size of Newcastle, it's relatively small. The gay scene's like five bars in a little cluster. There is an amusement down there on the way to

that people from newcastle will know it but it's got the old it's got like red velvet on everything a proper red red velvet like red velvet man hello and it's got the you put tempeh in and you pull the lever and it's you're going for the three cherries like old style not like a not like a depressing one that they have at the dog and duck where trevor the spanner keeps going i'll put money in it's gonna jump it's gonna jump i'm talking about old late like last yeah yeah yeah but and they give three sandwiches to keep you in. Like the shittest Las Vegas in history. That would work on me. Like tiny little fucking...

Give me a fucking bussy every 20 minutes. I'll fucking put 10 grand away. That's a great way to spend. Just waste a fiver. Just put 10p in after 10p. I hope I don't get my auntie and uncle in trouble. My auntie and uncle used to own pubs, rum pubs, right? Right.

Where's this going? She wants to kill the man and buried him in the cellar. She was in Portugal. We used to go and stay. Were you doing a Mario Macanjo? I don't know why I did that.

I'm sorry. Where the fuck did that come from? Portugal. Sorry. I was trying to do topicals. Fritzl. Shut up. I'm doing it to him now.

You did it to me on the last episode. We used to go and stay with them for a few days. Your ma used to go and stay... No, go on. Yeah, she did. She used to come with us because we were children and we couldn't drive. And they had a Simpsons fruit machine, right?

A Homer Simpson one. That's cool. And you know Santa's little helper in the Simpsons fruit machine, right? A Homer Simpson one. That's cool. And you know Santa's little helper in the Simpsons? The dog, yeah. Well, it was dressed as Santa's reindeer. It had a red nose on it, on the thing. And me auntie and uncle had figured out when his nose flashed red,

meant it was about to pay out. It was like a little malfunction with it. So they told me and what I'd do is I'd just sit in the pub all day watching the fucking regulars put fucking 20 quid each in and then as soon as one of them walked away

and it started flashing red I'd just go over, put 20p in and get like 25 quid out. Amazing. How many times did you do it? We were there for a weekend. Literally,

I would just sit staring at this fucking fruit machine all day until his nose flashed red. Did you have a nice time on holiday, Adam? 175 quid later, am I doing all right? Just cooking on the make.

Put it all back into your tuck shop business. Yeah. Reinvested. I don't think I've ever put money in a gambler

in my life in a pub. I just I've never thought it's just think it's so depressing it's been a phone I don't know how they work really no one does I've never been in a pub and like the most debonair charming guy who's definitely going to get laid is like at the fucking gambler with three babes

around like oh my god Darren he's the quiz machine he's the quiz machine who wants to be a millionaire? Phone a friend. Yeah, I just always looked at the sad fucks doing it and was like, I just don't...

I don't even want to learn that. Have you got the quizzes? Relatively knowledgeable, but not... When was the Battle of Hastings? 1066? Yeah, do you know that from the ad verse? Oh, 800? 1066? Yeah, do you know that from the ad verse? 0800 00 1066. No, that's like the most famous date in British history, isn't it?

One of them. No, that's 9-11. What, when Ethel read The Unready Was King? That's quite a good medieval king joke there what 9 11 a.d i love the old uh mate if you are history geeks this is well trodden for history geeks but the names of the kings before william the conqueror came over in the norman ethel read the unready how is that a real thing ethelred the Unready How is that? Is that a real thing? Ethelred the Unready was

genuinely a king of England from about, I think it's about 950 AD. Ethel the Unready? Ethelred Ethelred. The Unready I tell you what mate, my wife could be Ethelred the Unready because she takes bloody ages getting ready, eh?

That's a bit That's a bit, that. That's a bit. Right. Eat. Down. Mama like that. Mama like that. Such stupid cunt. I fucking never came back.

You know what Freddie was saying the other day about, I think everyone's going to come back to comedy and they're going to be doing the comedy they want to do. If Adam Rowe came back to the circuit doing fucking medieval English King. Tell you what, it'd be a difficult time currently if Edward the Confessor was King of England during the Me Too movement.

I don't know where I'm going with that one. Where does it get these names from, though? Do they give them themselves? You'd think it was posthumously... I can't say that word. Posthumously. Posthumously. Yeah, but you just said archive before.

When did I say that? I think you just misspoke, and I tried not to be a ballad. I think you were trying to say archive, and then you said archive. It is archive. What? It's archive. I was talking about the seasoning to put in your soup.

It's archives. Where's the notebook? Where's the notebook? Write them all down! This guy is going to the top. Look at his archive. The archives. As in where all the records are kept?

In an archive. In the archives. Alrighty then. Spelling. It doesn't work like that. How do you spell arch? Oh, right. I get it. How do you spell arch? Oh, right, I get it. How do you spell ives?

I get it, but that's not how you get it right. Archive. That's not how it works. Why is it not how it works? Because it's just not pronounced like that. So someone pronounced it wrong once and then they stuck with it. It doesn't mean I'm not right. How confident in your bullshit are you?

It is archive. Well, the rest of the English English speaking world doesn't think so Apart from some bellends in Africa Why? Archive Why did it have to be Africa? Did you want to get the studio finished just so you could ruin it all? I don't know why I said that

You've pissed off gypsies and Africans now Yeah That's a fucking vendetta Just one man I don't know why I said that. You've pissed off gypsies and Africans now? Yeah. That's a fucking vendetta. Just one, man. Medieval kings. What, African gypsies? I will pave your garden.

Holy shit. This is so dangerous. Do you like dogs? Dogs, do you like them? Dogs? Oh yeah, I like dogs. I like caravans more. You are very welcome.

I will fight your fight oh I don't like that it is but that's what we were built on we're gonna we're gonna say something horrendous

on this one day that will actually end our careers because we we push each other I don't really have a career Adam as long as

now what you've just bought a fucking studio mate it looks fucking good in here doesn't it As long as it... Now? What? You've just bought a fucking studio, mate. Bam, bam, bam. Tickety-doot-doot-doot-doot-doot. Oh, it looks fucking good in here, doesn't it? It does, mate. Can we get a poster of Ethel Red, the Unready, up?

Yeah. Bill Burr, Eddie Murphy, Richard Pryor, Ethel Red, the Unready. Okay. And Mario. Hey. Great Edinburgh. Right.

Enough of African gypsies and medieval kings, and that's never been said by anyone in human history before. Now an ad from our sex shop. By the way, sex shop, send us a dildo for the backdrop. We want a dildo for the shelves, don't we? Yeah. Contact us, Mike, because I'll forget to contact you.

And if you send us a big massive purple fella, we'll put it in Rafiki's hands. No one's ever said that. Oh yeah, we've got Rafiki from Lion King. We've got Bender from Futurama. Have you had caffeine? Earlier on.

Alright. This first section has had all the ADD from both of us. It feels like we've snorted our Ritalin and it's not... Yeah, we'd like a free dildo. I'm just going to throw that one out there. Hey! Hey! Throw it out there so we can throw it up there.

Up there, being your master. Oh, no. We all knew. We all knew. You could have left that one. And you said, and we'll throw it up there. Everyone went, oh, yeah, he's talking about your fucking master. Let's crack on.

Can I go for a wee? Yeah. Don't get lost in Runcorn or you'll find a new wife. It's time to have a piece with Adam alone. Do you like dicks? He's gone. Today's episode is brought to you

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and see how much fun you can have when you get a bit naughty that's letsbenaughty.co.uk It's time for Have A Word with Adam Rowan and Nightingale

remember to subscribe to our YouTube With Adam Rowand and Nightingale. Remember to subscribe to our YouTube. YouTube.com slash have a word pod. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. You're my, you're my, you're my. Ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma. you're my you're my mamamamamamamamam I just wanted to share we know this has come in I just had a funny thought

if I shared a podcast studio with a mate and I'd acquired a new orange couch to put in it I would defo sneak the girlfriend in after hours to christen it I wanted to ask if you'd even thought of that, and if so, would you tell your podcast partner? You fucking lid. How did you think that throwing of the bottle would go?

Just gave it a shot. Adam's gone weird. Look, I take many, many, many risks in life, and some of them pay off. Have you just phoned your life coach? Did you just go outside and phone your life coach like, I mispronounced archive, archive, and now I'm running out? It is archive.

Where is it? Oh, it's over there. Ting. What do you mean? Don't be a sniff of the bell variety so Dan J has asked if either of us have thought about

christening the couch and honestly it's hard enough getting laid in my own bed I've offered J 20 quid to come and do it would she don't know i don't think she'd be vehemently against it no she'd make me debt all at first yeah i think we probably have to keep it to ourselves you know we're trying to get like big guests on yeah oh don't mind that that's just a bit of me spunk. All right. Are you leaving anything to the imagination today?

Are we going fucking, we're going in? I don't, I just, I just like sometimes, I think there's, like, obviously, with the art of comedy, just leaving something unsaid subtly can often be really, really good. But I think there's something to be said for sometimes for a good comedian to just fucking hit you over the head with something. Just hammer it home. Yeah.

Like I did with your ma. It's getting childish now. Stop it. All right. I think... Fidgety-cloak. I think... You haven't missed me fidgeting

I think a couch is quite a good place for a bunk nothing beats the bed though does it like the bed is the bed's the brand leader in it

when people when people are like oh let's be adventurous we've got a dishwasher on top of our washing machine and that helps because you can put

your head in the dishwasher whilst you've got it bent of our washing machine and that helps because you can put a head in the dishwasher whilst you've got it bent over the washing machine. Head in the dishwasher? Yeah. Doesn't make sense visually in my head. It's a tabletop dishwasher. Right. And it sits

on top of the washing machine. So you open the dishwasher, head goes in there. when was the last time you had a bonk that wasn't in a bed that was an hour and a half ago really with that guy that was showing you around the venue yeah you seem nice bonk that wasn't in the bed um i don't know are you a bed man yeah most of the time It's probably at least a week. Sometimes we go floor if there's like a... Remember last year, we were in a rented house before we bought and the bed frame came with the house and it was fucking massive.

We were like, we'll just put our bed frame in the thing. We'll just leave this up. It's a wooden one. And it really creaked. And Laura and I are, you know know not insubstantial people got on the floor was like it's fine let's get on the floor and it's really unforgiving when you're on the floor you're like oh shit we are not in a good shape yeah yeah i used to do that one of my exes we used to shag on the floor because i told the story really we used to her bedroom was in the attic above her mum and dad's bedroom.

Mum and stepdad. So we had to bang on the floor. Yeah. That's where I snapped my banjo. Remember that story? Yeah, I do. Yeah, yeah. Where it was bleeding out my dick all over the place.

Not one for shagging outside as well. I just think like you've just done it when you, you do it when you're young. You're like, wow, we've done it. And then you're like, it's wow we've done it it's not great is it no like the bed is purpose built innit you do but like I would do it on the couch I would do it in here absolutely

if she was a prick why not that's a fun thing to be able to say you've done could you imagine getting thrown out because the cleaner came in just as you were like fucking giving Jade the good archive news well if the cleaner doesn't knock it's their fault isn't it i'm not sure that counts in a professional setting well i'll see it in court i've been watching for i'm nearly finished the good wife now so i know everything

um hi bin lids i just want to say I love love love the pod I'm so happy you're in your studio And hopefully things will go up and up For you both and your amazing podcast Thank you This is from Sarah Hope you have a fab day Oh sorry can I get a big happy birthday shout out

For my bestie Amy Johnston Hope you have a fab day Lots of love This will make her birthday. No. Amy, go fuck yourself. Happy birthday, Amy. You've been great so far.

Amy. Bought merchandise. No. Here's the thing, right? No. You're not getting a birthday shout-out just because you asked for one. Send us 20 quid. We'll give you the shout-out.

We're still going to get more artwork for this fucking studio alright we're starting to charge from now on okay if she's if she's attractive she could get on the wall

next to Ethelred Ethelred the Unready why would we not put an unattractive woman on the wall good listen that's the least of my worries

innit you said if she's attractive I've already I'm asking you to stand by what you've just why are you trying to bury me those disgusting words I've already got'm asking you to stand by what you've just why are you trying to bury me those disgusting words I've already got

African gypsies pissed off yeah all one of them happy birthday Amy I hope you have a great one Sarah's also put a would you rather and it is the most

female would you rather we have ever received can I try and guess what it is then it's a female one no now you see. It's dangerous when you're guessing this.

Why? Because I feel like I've given you a loaded machine gun. Hang on. Have a shoot. Would you rather... No, I can't think of anything. I think it's going to be bad as well. Would you rather...

Would you rather be rich and be single forever or find the love of your life, your soulmate, and be poor? Such a girl. Would you rather? Would you rather have the perfect hair or the perfect figure?

Adam. I'd rather be rich, obviously. As soon as I read it, I love it. Sarah's gone, this will really have them thinking. You're like, you can't ask that. Me and Jay, right, if I didn't earn a semi-decent living, right, me and Jay wouldn't be together. What?

Like, under normal circumstances, I earn enough from comedy that... You take more than... Not loaded, but I earn more than, you know, someone on minimum wage, which is the environment I grew up in and Jay grew up in, which means, you know, we rent a three-bedroom house between us. We eat out once a week. It's, you know, it's...'s i'm not loaded but it's okay if i didn't earn that then we'd have defo split up ages ago friend indeed

oh she's a gold digger way over there she's not a gold digger she's more like a bronze scraper she's a bronze looking down the couch. She's not digging for it, and she's only going to find a couple of quid, but it is there. She's a copper scratcher. Do you know what I mean, though? You think... Have you seen a really poor couple?

It's really hard. You end up blaming each other at times for your financial situation. I think it's a really daunting thought being truly poor because you get no fucking help from anyone in power and I'd much rather be Leonardo DiCaprio just banging women on a yacht.

I mean, yeah. But it doesn't... Yeah. Would you rather be rich and be single? Doesn't mean you can't fuck people. Leonardo DiCaprio could be poor and he'd still bang, wouldn't he? It's you. It's you rich.

So how rich is rich? 10 mil. 10 mil? 10 million pounds. Yeah, but, like... Yeah, I'd rather be rich. I'll back myself to be able to just, you know, have a series of... Well, Jade doesn't listen to the podcast,

so that should be taken into account with Adam's answer. She'd say the same thing. My wife listens to the podcast, so, Sarah, obviously the answer is, I've found the love of my life, and that's all the riches I need. You've got to be fucking grateful the video isn't on today, lad, because the lies that are coming out of your irises. Eyelids! Would you rather make anyone over the age of 18 have an orgasm

if you make eye contact with them, even if it's just for a fraction of a second you can or it automatically does that would you rather make anyone over the age of 18 all right okay so just have an orgasm it just happens or you cannot jizz without shouting your partner's dad's name at the point of orgasm. This means even on a one-night stand, you'd have to find out their dad's name. You couldn't be like, Guy, I don't know!

You've got to actually... What's your dad's name? Right. The second one still. It'd be awkward making people come in the shops, wouldn't it? Imagine the people that we would have made fucking come at Runcorn Shopping City.

I think we did. I think we did. I think we did. Look at him. Who are these futuristic men? They wear skinny jeans. Let's think it through properly. You make eye contact with someone and they jizz, right? Is that anyone over the age of 18?

How could you do a family meal ever ever again exactly you'd sit down i can quite happily shout colin every time i come if i had no family you but you'd never have a personal relationship with anyone because because like literally carl Because, like, literally, Carl would get back from Japan and be like, mate. Exactly. What the fuck, mate? The first one is a nightmare. Oh, no. Sunglasses.

You should wear sunglasses. You can't make eye contact with sunglasses. Right. Say the sunglasses thing doesn't work. Imagine walking on stage at a comedy club just literally like well the thing is though you wouldn't be a comedian anymore you'd be a fucking absolute god wouldn't you no going to the cum show what's the cum show adam rowe just walks on stage and looks at you till you come it's nine grand a ticket mate i don't't, mate, I don't think people want that. You would pay good money for that.

I could do that for free to myself. Yeah, but it's not the same, I love it. It's Julie's birthday. It's not the same, is it? You can make carbonara at home,

you'd still rather go to Jamie Oliver's restaurant. What are you on about? If you go to comedy, you walk on, Adam Rowe, no one knows you've got the jizz eyes, right? You walk on stage, you walk on, Adam Rowe, no one knows you've got the jizz eyes, right? You walk on stage, everyone's like, oh, I've seen his stuff on YouTube, he's great.

And then you just look over and they're like, like fucking Darren's on his stag do, like, oh yeah, he's fucking quality. No one wants the jizz in the pants on their own stag do. No, but they do. Some of them. Like, some people would pay... I'm not saying that...

Like, yeah, if it was... If I was at Hot Water and no one was expecting it, then they'd be a bit pissed off. But if they knew they were coming so that I would look at them until they come, I think people would pay good money for that. Well, why would it be an enjoyable experience being in a crowd and all waiting for your jizz eye?

Like, I can see the appeal. Have you heard this happens? I don't know if I'd pay. It's a day out, isn't it? I used to drive some fucking black pills and look at a load of lights when I was a kid. Oh, though, I tell you what, it'd be great fun going to church.

Yeah. Wouldn't it? Never mind. Take me to church. Never mind. I'll make you come in. Never mind comedy gigs. Comedy gigs you're playing to normal people.

Church, you could ruin some Christians afternoon couldn't you it's just everyone like if you were the priest you mean you could just be in there first of all the priest makes eye contact that would be so

what a moment that would be as the priest or vicar walked out and was just looking around like, today's sermon is about... Hey, priests aren't allowed to come, are they? Ever? Because they don't have... Priests can't marry.

Vicar's can because vicar's a CV. But Catholic priests can't marry, can't have sex, and can't have a wank. Can they have a wank? No. I mean, is there an official ruling on that? Yeah, it's in the Bible. It says stop wanking, lad. Don't be a dick. Is that... Something like that. Who's that?

Fucking... Pope John... No, Pope's not in there. No, it's the book according to Darren. Darren, chapter one, verse fucking nine. Get your hands out of your your pants you dirty little rat oh yeah so my question is a priest just walking around with fucking barrels of cum in their pants well it but it goes after a while doesn't it you have a wet dream after a while, doesn't it? You have a wet dream after a while. But isn't that sin? No, that's a natural bodily thing.

You've not done anything. If that's true, if that's the loophole, then if I was a priest, I'd be like, just close my eyes in bed and just fucking having a little go. No, God, I'm asleep. No, no, no god i'm asleep no no i'm asleep no i'm just i'm just rubbing my balls on the on the headboards no i'm asleep no but they know they'd know they'd in their

head they'd be like i know what's happening i know i'm doing this to myself but if it happens naturally that that's your body weight of going listen this is fucking got way too much weight of going listen this is fucking we've got way too much in paula do you reckon that's what like it's serious and it is going a bit non-serious but i'm serious do you reckon that's why they end up fucking kids do you reckon are you literally just putting this together now that that maybe is the link between paedophilia and the catholic church and the reason for it yeah i reckon adam yeah because if they're out banging bitches i don't think they'd be like yeah like yeah it's not it's not good is it how long have you gone without cracking one out or having an orgasm i think 12 days is my absolute 10 12 days 12 days i wouldn't be able to fucking walk

have you seen the episode of the simpsons where a poo doesn't sleep for like four days straight and they've got the cctv and on the fourth day he thinks he's a hummingbird he's like that's how i felt after about a week and a half. Why did you go a week and a half? Because we went to New Zealand on that road trip. I'm sure I've talked about it on the pod. We rented a camper van and me and Bondi were like, I do not want to come back from the showers and you're in the camper van cracking one out. So we're having a no wanking in the camper van.

And we literally let it build up to over a week. You are not good enough mates to each other. That's fucking stupid, that. If that was me and Carl, I'd be like, listen, lad, go for a walk. I'll be seven minutes. And that includes finding the video, which is four of it. We got to the motel in Rotorua,

and the connection was so slow. We only got about 15 seconds of porn. But after a week and a half, it was like, that's enough. But that is the thing. It's a build-up. It's really, it's a build-up and it's unhealthy. And then they fuck a kid because they're like, oh, I can't. That's why they've started doing it, isn't it?

No, not all of them, by the way. Just the horrible pa pedophilic ones it's not that is not a natural reaction to not getting laid like i mean what could i do what could i do it's not like everyone's like well yeah no i mean you were backed up like it's you still have to be you still have to be evil to do it but it's definitely not helping is it yeah i just i understand it more now do you know what i mean yeah yeah i mean what's the point of that rule what is the point of the rule why the money to god and you can't shag god yeah but what at what point were they like this will definitely help this will be is it to put them in a on a pedestal in society be like these people are beyond reproach in terms of their morals they

don't even have they don't even know i think like it was more like you know i should be everything you need god's god's arrogance any god's needy yeah god's like yeah why do you need to rub your dick when you can just have a chat with me about what candles you're going to use? I don't want you to, and I'm in charge. Yeah, but God, you'll see loads of nuns and priests. That's not the point. Do you reckon God, do you believe in God at all?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 120 hours of podcasting later, Adam like he could be pretty religious yeah do you know when last last week we were singing is getting god in here now take off all your robes were you like god dan really loves j No, but you can believe in God without being religious. Yes, you can be spiritual. Yeah. Right. So what are you?

Straight down the line, hardcore, brutalist, atheist. So you think when you're dead, you're just dead. You're dead as fuck. And I think it's a natural state of the human condition to be arrogant enough to think you are more than what you've got. Like, this isn't the fucking best. All of the chance and the absolute fluke it takes for human existence to get to this point

and then you're the sperm out of all those millions like coming through your dad's dick that were lucky enough to get in that fucking egg and still were like, there must be more than this though you you fucking kidding you get to exist for more than like the average lifespans what like 75 80 years and you get to enjoy fucking chips and like the beach and sex and fucking dawn and mar Dawn, and Mario Kart, all these amazing things,

and still we're arrogant enough to be like, I don't want this to just be the, this can't be it. Of course it's fucking it. It's great. Make the most of it. Get on with it. And fucking be nice to people. Aliens of Yellow. Yeah, I'm not not so there is more

no I meant more to this life I also think there's more to this life I think there's a what's the word a more powerful being what's the word a deity or a god or a higher power

a higher power I... A higher power. Right. Yeah, I don't think we're, like, you know, top shelf. You don't? No. So what you... Are you sort of... Where's this pod?

How have we got from Ethel read the unready? What were we even talking about? Hang on, let me just track this back. This was the jizz eye contact. Hang on, let me just track this back. This was the jizz eye contact. We've literally got from jizz, making people jizz with eye contact to the meaning of human existence

in about 17 minutes. Are you saying, are you being serious? Yeah. That you think life on Earth, human existence, all life on Earth has something to do with a maker? Or are you saying that there's aliens as part of that higher power? I mean, I wouldn't rule that out.

Right. See? Like, I'm a fucking idiot No right just wait Because I can't explain it while I'm laughing Because it sounds like I'm talking to this And I'm fucking not So I don't necessarily think There was a creator

But I think There was someone I think it's someone's job To make sure we're on the right track. What? How can there be a higher power who didn't create it? What, did he just find it? There's just higher powers, like, checking his fucking pocket. He went, oh, Jesus, look at that.

There's the fucking universe. I didn't even realise I had one of them in there. there's the fucking universe. I didn't even realise I had one of them in there. Like, surely if there's a higher power, he or she or they... I'm going to like that. Created it. Because how can you have a higher power

that didn't start the fucking thing? You can't look after it. Maybe it's like a family business thing. Oh. I don't know. I haven't got all the answers. No. Right.

I don't think you've got any of the answers. Right, listen. Right, listen. No, listen. No. Right. Listen. So, I think there is, like,

there's probably a higher power. A creator, then. Right. Let's say you did create it. Oh, Jesus. For the sake of this. power. A creator, then. Right. Let's say you're the creator. Oh, Jesus. For the sake of this. Oh, fuck it, Al. And...

You know, when you found out I wear underpants... Yeah. You know how annoyed you felt. Yeah. I'm... This is my version of it. A creator is my version of Y-fronts. Okay.

Right. I think there was a creator, but i don't think he was that bothered yeah do you know what i mean like he got bored of us wanted to get on for his tea no he's just like he's made like jeremy like you ever get lego for christmas and you get halfway through building it and you're like ah fuck that i can't be i'm bored yeah yeah it was like that and he's fucked off now. And we've been left to our own devices. And I don't think he's like,

oh, you've got to pray to me and whatever. What point did he tag out? Because, I mean, just objectively speaking, we've finished a Lego, haven't we? When did he tag out? In and around the time of Christ, when everyone's living in fucking wood huts and now we've got skyscrapers. I reckon, like, series five of Friends,

I reckon that was enough for him. Yeah. No, he's gone silly. His head's gone. But, no. Do you really? Do you really think there's a creator in a higher power? Yeah.

I think it's a nice, comforting thought, but I don't think you have to worship him. I think he's just, like... I think it's a horrific thought. Why? Because then someone started... This is what doesn't make sense have to worship him. I think he's just like... I think it's a horrific thought. Why? Because then someone started... This is what doesn't make sense about the creator thing. I don't think he's got like a grand plan

and he dictates everything and it's all written. I think he's fucked off. I think he got bored. But if you... Someone believes that... This is where I get really weird with... When people have faith, I would never want to take away from that

and I'm aware that this isn't a private conversation this is a conversation between you and me that a lot of people are listening to and they may have faith and your faith is your thing and i am actually jealous because i'd love it i would love that spiritual safety net of being like well that's all right but it's gonna be great i would love that i I just can't get there in my head. But I find it very difficult when people talk about someone who started it or made it. So at what point did a higher power or God make it? Because after that, it's been fucking free range and we've done the rest. So have they made all of this? So if they have, if they've made all of it, and this was all

part of their plan, then they cause all the pain and misery so when people go this is one of my bugbears especially in the nfl see that's what i'm saying people go i want to thank god you know i got three touchdowns wrong i got three touchdowns today i don't think god had anything to do you know i just want to thank god works in mysterious ways he does because he gave you three touchdowns, and that kid, lymphoma. Yeah, but what I'm saying is, he's fucked off, hasn't he? When did he fuck off? Ages ago.

Right. Like, I don't know. MRED A4 or something. Ethelred the Unready. Like, pre or post Ethelred. Anne Boleyn like you're just saying names from history

no I'm being serious eh Christopher Columbus no let me think about it William King William

which one 14th 12th Ammonist has been middle just called me King William the 5 12. 14th? 12. Ammonist has been. Middle. Just called me. King William the Five.

Probably. Check the archives. See who there was and I'll pick one. Look, I just reckon he just fucked off ages ago. Okay. And I don't, I think he started it. and then he didn't like he's a scientist so he doesn't want to keep affecting the results so maybe he just made the two atoms that twatted together and made the universe yeah i don't think he can take credit for anything then but he still did it, didn't he? Yeah, no. But I see what you mean.

But, yeah. It's, you know what I find fascinating? I'd love to be wrong. Right, no. I'd love to be wrong. Here's the thing. I'd love to die and wake up and go, oh my God, here we are.

Jesus. Yeah. This is it. I can't believe it. I don't believe in organised religion. I don't think there's like, I don't think the Christian God is a thing I just think

You know Yeah And what's that higher power Where are we going with this What's that higher So is there another place after After life Yeah

Is there another place There's gotta be Yeah Why does none of it make sense And No it doesn't make sense Yeah But that can be enough though though, can't it?

No. Okay. So in this other place, everything you see is going to be personal to you. Your heaven, the idea of heaven, has to be personal to you. There can't be one place for heaven because someone's going to get there and go,

oh, fuck, well, I don't want Piers Morgan in heaven. And Piers Morgan by essentially a dick bag but I'm a nice guy good family guy he could be I didn't say there was a heaven

and a hello do you think if you get to the afterlife Jurgen Klopp is going to represent God for you like your visualisation of God

is probably going to look like Jurgen Klopp the manager of Liverpool Football Club I think I don't think it's like a physical thing.

I think it's just a feeling when you get there. You're like a spirit and you just know. You've still got, like, knowledge and feelings and you're just, like, right in the air and it's all sound. Right. Like a dream-like state. Yes. But wouldn't your heaven include Greg's?

So you'd be like this, like, feeling, but you'd still want pasties. Yeah. Yeah. Greg's. What are you laughing at? In my head, I can just see a floating, like, like, Adam's

floating soul, like, yeah, it's gorgeous. It's like a state of mind, like a dream. Everything's sound. And then a steak bait floating. And then he just floats off. Do you think that's a nicer thought than just how it's fucked? Yeah, of course it's a nicer thought. Before you said it was a shit thought.

It's a bullshit thought. But it's a nicer thought it's a it's a bullshit thought but it's a nicer thought living in fucking care bear world is nicer than just the eternal abyss what i'm saying is possible isn't it what the heaven is just the fucking care but no that heaven like that there's an afterlife where it's all sound why would you not want to believe that? I want to believe I can fly. Like, I want to believe that I can fly. But if I jump off this building, me wanting... Yeah.

So you can prove you can't fly. You can't prove there's no fucking XB. Do you know how combative we've got? You know, proving each other right and wrong. Yeah yeah i'd love to die at the same time as you why i don't know because if i'm right if you're right you never get to but if i'm right can you imagine how fucking unbearable i'd be if i'm right about the afterlife you're not in my heaven it's not heaven it's not a good place and a bad place.

It's just a place. Yeah, but you floating around as a fucking, like a cloud of... Well, you don't believe in anything. So maybe when you get there,

all it takes to get in is that you believe. Maybe you've just got to watch me having all my steak bakes and banging fucking Mila Kunis souls and you're just watching

while you're getting fucking fucked up the arse with a pineapple by Jimmy and Gina. Imagine if that's what got me out. Listen, it was in the balance. Adam nearly, but he seems keen. And he's been, you know,

pretty open to it. You nearly got in, Dan, but just sit yourself down. This will be Jürgen. What were you saying about African gypsies? I think that's tipped it the wrong way. See you later. Question two. What the fuck was that? What the fuck was that? I don't even know what I've just been a part of. I think we just solved life. I don't think we did.

Oh, God. How can someone with such hardline opinions, well-formed opinions, sound like such a fucking drugged-up nana talking about the afterlife? I just think it's going to be nice. Have a cup of tea. Floating around.

With Henry VIII and Boleyn. Ethel Red the fucking whatever. And your ma. You know them, you love them. It's Vauxhall Comedy Club in that there London. If you're visiting London, if you're going down for the weekend, take your missus, take your fella, take them to go and see comedy. There's some cracking comedy shows in London.

Some of them, and I've played them, are a little lacking in fucking soul. Vauxhall Comedy Club. This is a comedy club done with love and care and done properly. In a great room with great atmosphere with brilliant comics some from the TV some up and coming

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you pay them an entry fee with the money for your booze included it's 25 quid it's a 90 minute show and you also get bottomless booze wine, beer, cider

25 quid there's also a spirit and mix of bottomless booze, wine, beer, cider, £25. There's also a spirit and mix of bottomless ticket. That starts at £35. And if you're a purist, you're staying sober, you're fucking ziving, the ticket's just a tenner. Once we're done with the Rona and back to normal trading, Vauxhall Comedy Club is usually open Monday to Saturday. It's right next to a street food garden.

And between now and then, do us a favour and have a word and follow the Vauxhall Comedy Club online. You can join their mailing list. It's at Vauxhall Comedy Club on Inst and follow the Vauxhall Comedy Club online. You can join the mailing list. It's at Vauxhall Comedy Club on Insta, at Vauxhall Comedy on Twitter and Vauxhall Comedy Club on Facebook. It's an over 18 night out and you never know,

come the autumn, you might see me and Adam there. From Texas to Skem, every lead is listening to the funniest podcast in the game. This is Have A Word. This just in. I love printing out the shit.

Yeah. Just makes me feel like the news this is the news I hope this is never the news this is like a news desk though isn't it it is I'm so excited to show

the people what we've built you know because I'm just hearing about it alright lads it's Stella Stee again please have a word with my Jesus Stee

cheeky cunt of a mother-in-law upset me nasty bitch why is it upset you no it's upset her she thinks it's acceptable to walk into my house Without knocking

On the door First She's treating my house Like a fucking hotel And it's starting to piss me off The next time I see her Coming towards the door I'm gonna whip out my cock

And start pulling the head off it And see what her reaction is Or do you have any other ideas I would say When in doubt don't sexually assault yeah i think that could lead to state some problems just like a couple of problems you just never know i listen i like your instinct listen i like masturbating as much as the next guy and i hate your mother-in-law

just because you do because you're a pal he's a good lad and let's just say this Steve don't wank at your mother-in-law because it's going to cause problems at the Christmas dinner table

I am not that bothered if I had a family member that lived near me, I would not be that... I really thought about this. Obviously, don't wank in front of your mother-in-law. It's just one of them things you shouldn't have to say. You know? Yeah, yeah.

If you're at the fucking... If you're at the pearly gates, that is going to be a black tick, innit? But I'm not bothered about people who... Like, family members just coming in. We don't have anyone particularly close to us living round, but I wouldn't be like, what the fuck?

It's like, I feel like they've got VIP rights. Depends how often. Like I'm the same. Like I would have our door constantly open if Jade wasn't so. Shut the door. Like someone's car got robbed six months ago

and you just never know whether that guy is now going round robbing tellies out of living rooms at three o'clock six months ago and you just never know whether that guy is now going around robbing telly's out of living rooms at three o'clock in the afternoon you just never know which in theory

it makes sense doesn't it why would you it's not worth the risk but yeah I would let my family come round but there's a point where I'd have to be like listen guys

hey you've been here for six hours today in three different sections so why don't you fuck off but if they came in without knocking would it piss you off if your dad no i do i'm i'm bad for that paul smith

used to tell me off for that what because he lived in the road next to me for a bit and you just went round if i was on my way if i text him and was like i'll be down in a bit if i was going for a cup of tea or to do some writing or whatever i I just walk in because the door was open. Yeah, because it's been pre-agreed via text. Are you in? Yeah, I'm in. I'm coming around. Yeah. The door's unlocked.

Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry. Is it the opening of Parliament? Do we have to have Black Road, like, fucking banging three times? Well, why didn't you knock? Because it's the fucking future and we live in it. I've already knocked via a phone. So instead of saying,

order, he goes, doorbell! Doorbell! Doorbell! Doorbell! Order! Order the doorbell!

Order! Order! Doorbell! I, I like it a little bit. My sister, if people just turn, even if,

I'm talking about, even if they knock, if people turn up at her house and it's not been prearranged, she fucking hates it. She does not like drop-ins. She's anti-drop-in. I like it when people drop in. I like a drop-in as well.

What I hate, though, you won't listen to this. My dad's got a mate. When I used to live with my dad he'd do a drop in unannounced just pop on him for a cup of tea but he'd knock but he's just dropped by

without texting but even if you'd eaten your tea he'd stick round so like let's say you've just finished cooking or you've been the chippy and everyone's got their food plated he'd just come in

and still have the conversation that is a fucking faux pas if i'm having me sausage dinner you're getting in your car i'm fucking off you know what i mean read the signs yeah i've had mates come round like oh come around today and then they come around at like six and you're like yeah i've got a fucking three-year-old do you know what i mean you can't still be here at nine o'clock it's like well past bedtime they're like so anyway what you like you're like make it you don't have to i don't want to have to be the guy to be like you gotta go you gotta go yeah i don't want you to make me that eggy guy polite just don't outstay your welcome that's the phrase and

don't outstay your welcome if someone's having their tea fuck off unless you've been invited around for tea or if you say do you know what the normal thing to say is like oh you're having your tea should i bugger off and then they can be like oh but then even then people are polite and like no you can stay yeah i what i want them to do is go uh oh you're having your tea i'll get off no i'll come back i want them to be the one who like makes that decision and then you if you're having your tea, I'll get off. No, I'll come back. I want them to be the one who makes that decision. And then if you're like, mate, honestly, stay. I'll be done in 10 minutes. Have a cup of tea.

I'll be done in 10. You should put the emphasis on the person having the tea, not to go, okay. Because I won't pander to them. So they're going to make me be the arsehole when they're the one doing something eggy. So if they go, oh, what are you having? Sausage dinner, yeah, yeah.

I was just with Steve before and we were talking. I'll go, lad, I'm having me tea, you know, could you just fuck off and I'll ring you in a bit? I'll do that, but I shouldn't have to. Yeah, but you give, you're the opposite of Laura. Like, Laura's full of, like, social anxiety. She went round to the neighbours the other day. She came back, she was like, I can genuinely fear my social anxieties up i was like why it's like just because we've

been around there and now i'm like oh god did i say something or did they oh god and it never even registers with me she she preempts the awkward conversation like four fucking bits of the conversation you you're so good at being the opposite of that you're you're just like you'll say it that's why it's easy being we had this conversation when we started out and i was like oh i didn't want to do that because i thought it might piss you off and you went mate if you're doing something i don't want you to do i'll go mate i don't want you to do that yeah and as soon as we had that conversation early doors in this podcast it has made working with you and starting the studio so much fucking easier because i don't have to think oh maybe adam's saying that because he actually wants me to do

that i'm like all of that bullshit that i've had with friends in the past is just evaporated it does make it easy but you almost have to make that deal early in the friendship and like this is how we're gonna be we're gonna be this is what i Can I just say it? Don't take the fucking hump. Which, on the sly, I sort of expect all my male friends to be like, because just fucking do it. Yeah, yeah. Well, I was a bit upset about what you said there. Like, oh, God.

Yeah. Fuck off. I'll just go, lad, look, I don't want to do it that way. So, whatever. And I think, yeah. But the, I'm quite upfront with people. And I think, you know, it rubs a couple of people up the wrong way because they're not used to someone being so,

no, this is how I like things and I'd really rather do it this way. But those people are not normally worth giving a shit about because, not giving a shit about, but like, I'm never going to work with someone who can't tell me, lads, you're doing that wrong and you need to listen to me on this. Or can't take me doing that. Because I'm quite flexible with a lot of things. But there's certain things where I'm like, no, I really want this to be done this way

because I can't get my head around it being another way. And unless you convince me that it should be the other way, then I'm not going to budge on it. But just up front, it's blunt, that's what it is. You are quite blunt with it, but it's a simpler way of existing. Family isn't like that. So to be fair to Stee, who's got a mother-in-law that just walks in, you could be like, well, just Stee, just tell her.

But it doesn't fucking work like that, does you know this is coming from us we haven't got mums but a lot of my mates have had issues with their mums as they get older and as their mums are getting older there's a lot of like well i thought you were coming here for christmas with the kids every christmas i'm talking to a couple of mates who are like, mate, fucking Rachel's mum's been a fucking nightmare. My mum's going mental. Like, I haven't talked to my stepmum in three years. We had a fallout three years ago.

Always been a little bit tempestuous. Always gotten well. We haven't seen each other for three fucking years because it booted off, and I tried to do what we're talking about, which I've done in the past and gone, hey, hey, you're my step-mom. I've known you fucking 20 years.

I love you. You love me. What are we doing here? I'm your step-mom. I thought you meant mother-in-law for a second, and I was like, oh, take it. Oh, no, my mother-in-law's... If my mother-in-law walked in, I be fine the most chilled out person in my life she's a fucking

dream yeah but my step-mom as time's gone on that relationship has got more and more complicated being blunt worked when i was a bit younger i was like look i love you why are we fucking getting annoyed about this it's not important and it stopped working i tried to just deflect this was three years ago it it backtracked i can't work out what it started with but in a few incidents over a summer and it all came to a head in september fuck me did it get eggy and it's never it's never sorted out a couple of attempts to sort it out but it's not easy to be blunt and straightforward it's just get it's not easy to be blunt and straightforward. It's just get,

it's a hard one. I see what Steve means. It is hard. Cause you want to just go, could you just fucking knock? Yeah. But I've got to be honest with you. And I love stay,

you know, he's been in touch before Stella stay with the pissy pine glass and whatever. I sort of think the person he needs to speak to is his missus. And he needs to speak to is his missus and he needs to go look we need to have a conversation and just say because i think it's a bit weird the way your mom just walks in i'd rather she knocks and if his missus is like don't be fucking stupid this is what my family's like we always just walk in i think you've got to accept that that's part of being with your dad, missus. You've got to just be like, oh, that's what their family do. And it's not a massive inconvenience,

is it? No, but you always been like wanking in the living room and his mother-in-law's walked in, but it's these little things that they bubble up over time. I think being with a partner who gets where you're meant to be a partner. She, you know,

when you, you've heard that you are with partners, you're meant to be a partner you know when you've heard that you are with partners you're like your life partners i think in those moments when you're like could can i just say your mom just walking in he's doing my head in yeah you know i know it's our house and i know she's your mom i love her and everything but for me can we work together to just tell her that i'm not all right with it? Because it is Steve's house. In those moments, you really need your missus to be like, look, it's not a big thing, but you've got to work together. If she turns around and goes, no, it's fine,

that shit will bubble up eventually and be a proper problem. You need a missus or partner who's going to go alright, let's try and fix it she needs to understand that it's doing his head in but I think he needs to be before he has that conversation he needs to be ready to accept that that might just be as a certain

this is what I was talking about with arguing with Jade depends how much it pisses him off he needs to bring this up with his missus so she knows it's a problem for him right yeah and then either if it really bothers him he has to be like look we're starting to lock the door i can't handle it and his missus has got to deal with the fact that it's massive to him or he what he's done is he's gone hey this thing is pissing me off but because it's important to

you and your family i'll let it slide but then he's got one in the chamber for when something important comes up right it is a classic example of that utility stuff that i was talking about 25 episodes ago about how important is it to you and your missus do you fucking despise it and is she all right with it because then you should be the priority but if it's huge to their family it's really important what we always do and i know my mom likes the freedom and you're just a little bit pestered by it you've got to let it go you gotta let it go let it go don't call your mother-in-law a cunt well depends what she's done oh love my mother-in-law i'd call my mother-in-law 40. Well, depends what she's done. Oh, love my mother-in-law.

I'd call my mother-in-law account. She lent us 40 fucking grand. she'd kill me in solitary. She lent us 40 grand without us asking. What for? We,

we basically, we were inheriting money from when my grandma died. And, the sale was about to go through and we'd found a house that we wanted. And we'd had, we'd got a go through, and we'd found a house that we wanted, and we'd got a chunk of savings,

and we'd found this house that we were in, and we were like, oh my God, it's more than we thought we'd get. You've seen my house. It's bigger than I expected to get. It's massive, yeah, it's great. And it needs loads of work, but we were doing that thing of like,

we talked about like, maybe we won't go too big. We were like, we will get the biggest mortgage we can. We need every penny of the but we were doing that thing of like we talked about like maybe we won't go too big we we were like we will get the biggest mortgage we can we need every penny of the savings we've got and we need some of the inheritance and then the house sale of my nana's bungalow fell through and sex drugs and my nana's literally my lawyer was like oh we're gutted the fucking the thing's falling through and she was like, oh, what a shame. And 20 minutes later, she ran back and went,

we're going to lend you the money. I fucking love that woman. We didn't even ask. We didn't even fucking ask. Can you tell her that my fucking fellow's being a bit delayed? See if she's just being generous with everyone or whether it's a family thing. Yeah. Good on you, Jude. you fucking ledge hey jude give me some cash take a moment she's just become another grandma today and i've just become i've just got another niece

i thought you were about to tell me that you just just had a baby today, and I was like... Kept that quiet. Kept that quiet, and I tell you what, I could have done this studio on my own if you needed the time off, kid. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but I've had a kid before. I've never had a studio before. Congratulations, Tom and Emily. You're right, love.

Is it out? Right, cool. I said I'd be there for two. Push, love. Push! I've got to get the fucking wallpaper up. It's been a fun one, that, hasn't it? I mean, how did we?

The breadth of subject matter. Song? Why not? Should we fuck off? Why not? Danny Jack. D-A-N-N-Y-J-A-Q-Q. Danny Jack.

Found my source. Absolute corker of a song to play this Murph out. And I will work out a way of reading the Patreons today. If you can. Might have to have a little furlough on the Patreons till next Monday when we're all set up and we've got internet in here. Absolutely. The £ pound patreon executive producers we appreciate the shit out of you we just don't have any internet here while we're recording we will have it sorted by next week

and for everyone else see you friday for the patrons of all tiers three five and ten pounds the patreon special will be up on Wednesday evening. All of the Patreon specials recorded are up there. Some extra content as well. You can sign up at patreon.com slash have a word pod. This is Danny Jacques. All right, Liv? Bye, Felicia.

Bye, Felicia. Find my source, find my source, ayy All the signs that I've ignored, ayy It's like I've never ran before, wait Guess I'll just remind you, ooh, great Be in a second, be in a minute I ain't trying to get specific But every time I find my sauce I mix the cold for me to drink it Lost in the sauce I found Should be on tour by now In front of that tour life crowd Feel about four, five foul But it's not too late for me to get it all right now Like wait, just hold off

You drop one take with old bars You believe that you've come so far That you even named it so far So go out and prove it, put down the source and use it Go and record some music, put down the Captain Morgan You're not just a rapper on rapping forums Unlike these rappers at a rapping forum I am so much better than that my G

Still clocked on the road by the fans I see They don't forget, and they still ask me where I'm going next And to think I spend time so depressed When the strangers that see me and show respect In school my nuts get shoulder checked Now a rapping ass man shoulder check At least I used to, but not long enough for me to get used to See one face but I know that they used to

Aware of the fact that I could get used to Mad, cause everything's mad, everything's sad Everyone's broke, yeah, everyone's stacked Sex, drugs, rock and roll, get fucked on the door Harves on Vod and Kog, Carter, drop me home Now this skimp boy living, so sick Ayy, skip boy livin', skip boy livin' Ayy, ayy, ayy, ha Ayy, ayy, ayy, ha Yeah, find my sauce, find my sauce, ayy All the signs that I've ignored, ayy It's like I've never ran before, wait

Guess I'll just remind you, boo, great Been a second, been a minute I ain't tryna get specific But every time I find my sauce I mix the coke and then I drink it like Find my sauce, find my sauce, ayy All the signs that I've ignored, ayy It's like I've never ran before away Guess I just remind you, boo, pray

Be in a second, be in a minute, ayy I ain't trying to get specific, no Every time I find my sauce, look Find the coke and then I mix it, ayy Ayy, find my, find my, ayy Uh, yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, do if you don't, you don't, you don't Catch my new back of an Uber, yeah