HealthyGamerGG - Andrew (HG.gg Community)

Episode Date: January 3, 2020

Dr. K talks with a viewer about how to "close the gap" after not doing enough in college. Catch Dr.K live on Twitch (https://www.twitch.tv/healthygamer_gg) - Wednesdays & Fridays at 3PM EST and Sundays at 6PM EST. Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/healthygamergg/donationsAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

But I think the basic problem is that you have a lack of experience in life, like just experiencing different things. And what you need to do is just go out and do something, like go do different things. They don't have to be good. They don't have to be bad. But as you start to do different things, you are going to develop a different sense of self from the one that you have now. And as you change your sense of self, your ability to move in the world is going to change. So tell me a little bit. What are we calling you, Andrew?

Andrew's fine Okay So Andrew Tell me a little bit About what's going on And how we can help Okay So

Sorry I'm like really nervous right now It's like being really fast Fantastic Yeah Fantastic let's start there Okay yeah Let's start there Okay so what are you feeling

When you feel nervous My heart's beating really fast I'm excited and shaking. Okay. Yeah. So let's just think about that. So the way that you're feeling right now, how does that affect your actions?

Like, what is it making you want to do? It's making me not want to open it. Absolutely, right? And I don't know if you were planning on opening up or whatever, but so let's just notice that, right? So what do you feel like doing? I mean, just talking. Like, there are definitely things that I want to open up and I want to talk about things, but it's just kind of, it's like stuck. It's stuck. Beautiful. Okay. Beautiful. So stuck is a fantastic place to start. I mean, it's, I'm just noticing I do this thing where I, you know, I say it's fantastic. I'm glad that you're noticing where you are because that's where we have to start. So the progress, like the path to moving forward starts where you are. And if you, if there's a part of you that doesn't want to move forward, like that's really important to acknowledge.

Because until we recognize that, like we can't move forward. If we just ignore it, which is what we do a lot of the times, right? We're like, I should move forward. So let me just like ignore this part of myself and let me move forward, but that's not how it works. So great. So now we've got a couple of options, Andrew. So you don't feel like opening up, right? I do, but it's hard.

I think it could like just power through it. That's what I usually end up doing for that kind of stuff. So I'm going to give you an option. okay, I'm going to give you options. One is we can try meditating actually right now and see what happens to those feelings of not wanting to open up, see what happens to the feelings of nervousness, or I can talk to you in a way that facilitates you opening up

and kind of ease you into it. Let's do number two, just to keep them moving. Okay, so tell me a little bit about what's going on and what brings you on stream. Well, I think the first time I saw you was a clip on the live stream fails subreddit. And it was really funny. So yeah, I just wanted to check it out.

And I just ended up really like liking the content. And I went on YouTube and watched all the videos. So I've been here maybe like since for a month now. Yeah. So what resonated with you about our content? I mean, just like a lot of people who came on, like I feel like I could relate to a lot of their problems. Like what?

I mean, I think it started off with like, with like the game addiction, but just, I mean, just like, like, things in general. Okay. It's kind of hard for me to like think of like exact, like, examples. Sure. So what is it that, um, you'd like to talk about today? Um, maybe just how to move forward in life. Great.

Fantastic. So I want to just point something out to you. Do you want to move forward in this conversation? Absolutely. and yet you don't. There's two parts of me. There's one part that absolutely wants to, and I know that it needs to be done,

but there's another part that's like very hesitant to. Fantastic. So I think you are doing something that's actually really cool and gets me like psychologically excited, which is that like your problem in life is that you're stuck and you're actually facing a microcosm of that problem

with this conversation. I can kind of see that, yeah. That's funny. Like you see that? Yeah. Like, you know you need to, but you don't feel like it. Does that describe... Maybe I feel like it, but maybe I'm scared.

Absolutely. So what are you scared of in life? Maybe like moving out of my comfort zone. Okay. Or stepping up. Okay. So what does stepping up look like to you? That's a great question.

I don't think I know the answer to that. I feel like there's things that I need to do, but I don't really know what the right thing to do is. Yeah. So let's just think about that for a second, right? Okay. If I go to a restaurant and someone asks me, what would you like to order?

And I say, I don't know. What am I going to get? You're going to get stairs, and they're going to wait, free to pick something out. Yeah, but like, you don't know what you want, right? Right.

So you don't know what progress even looks like. Maybe I have like an idea what progress could look like, and maybe I've tried some things, but... Sure, so let's talk about that. Yeah, okay. Well, I started to recently go to the grocery store and buy fruits,

like, I remember you mentioning, like, pineapple is good and bananas and stuff like that, so. Yeah. Just trying to eat a little better. And where you do? Did you do that? Yeah. I think I've been doing it for a couple of weeks now. Just buying, buying fruits at least. You can start with that. It's pretty easy for me to do. So buying the fruit is like actually not like eating the fruit is what we're going for. Yeah. It's it's definitely like a multi-step process like leaving the house, going to the grocery store and taking the fruit home and then eating it. Yeah. How do you feel about that? I feel good, but maybe I feel like I could do my grocery store.

more. Absolutely. So I'm going to say, I'm going to tell you what's on the other side of I could do more. So there's another side of that coin and I could do more as maybe like a little bit optimistic. Can you imagine what the pessimistic side of that coin is? Maybe like what I'm doing doesn't matter. Absolutely. Right. So I could do more. The flip side of the coin is, I'm not doing enough. Okay, yeah. Is that how you feel? Sometimes, yeah.

Actually, no, I think, yeah, for sure, yeah. Yeah, I think so, too. Yeah, okay. So you're not, like, you're not cutting it, right? Like, you should be cutting it, you're not cutting it. You're just not making it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, like, oh, like, these are like baby steps.

Like, I should be taking, like, big way steps. Yeah. So what I'm getting from you is that the amount of progress or change that you need to make in life is far greater than what you're doing. Yes. So it feels like the progress that you're making, on the one hand, seems like kind of cool and on the other hand seems woefully insufficient. Yes. How long have you been feeling that way?

Feeling like just insufficient. Mm-hmm. Like you should be doing more. I think it might have started after graduating college, but maybe even before that. Okay. But it didn't really start to sink in until like much later. Yeah. So that's great.

I mean, that's not great. I just keep on doing this. But I think it's good that you notice that this feeling started in college, which is very common. Let me put it that way. So, Andrew, like, do you know what the age group, what the most common age group is of people who reach out to me? Probably people around my age, like in their mid-20s, I would imagine. Yeah. So, like, the earliest is, like, 20-21.

Why don't 16 or 17-year-olds reach out to me very much? What do you think? They don't think about those kinds of things. They're still young. They're in school and they kind of have a path. And they can kind of like they have things to do. Yeah. So what starts to happen around 20 or 21? You start to think about the future. Oh, sorry. What are you saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah, right? Yeah. Yeah. And so I'll tell you like what I think it is is that when you're 20, you're on the same path as everyone else in college. You may have grades that are better or grades that are worse.

But when you're 21, like something, there's like this little, like, the hair on your neck starts to back up. There's this little tickle of doubt that starts. Because even though you may be going to class, like you're not getting internships, right? Yes. You're not doing like the extra stuff that people are doing that you should be doing. Yes. Yep. That kind of describes me in school.

Yeah. Right. And that starts to scare you a little bit because you're like, oh, like maybe I should be doing more. But like, I'm kind of going to class and I'm going to graduate. but like these other people are doing this additional stuff so you start to worry. And then as you start to get older, so that's the first time that you start to see that there's a divergence between you and other people. Yes. And as you get older, like, what happens?

The gap gets bigger. There's a big difference. And how is, how old are you now, Andrew? I'm going to be 26 in about two months. And how big is the gap now, Andrew? It's pretty big. So why are you coming? on stream today, Andrew?

Well, that's very clever. I like how we're opening up here. Just to get, figure out what to do next, you know? Like, I feel like I need help. Yeah, yeah. But, I mean, can you be more specific, I guess? Like, I feel like you're trying to go somewhere.

Yeah, I am trying to go somewhere. Twitch chat is where I'm going. So Twitch chat is good at this. So I think what I was the answer that I'm looking for is, like, you're here to close that gap. Yeah. right? Like if it's, if that's not it, then let me know. Like, we sometimes make hypotheses, right? We arrive at conclusions. You got to let me know. Like, is that what you're here for is to close the hat. Um, yeah. I feel like, we can roll with that. Yeah. I'm like, I feel like there's lots of things that I'd like to fix. But we can start there. Yeah. Let's start. Okay. Let's talk about the other ones. Sure. What else do you want to fix? Um, I don't know, I think that's it. Like, it just boils down to like, I don't know, feeling like I'm like on track on life. Like, I feel like I'm up track. Wait, so is that what it does boil down to or it doesn't? Because in my mind, being off track and getting on track is the same as closing the gap.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it is. Yeah, but yeah, yeah. But then you're saying there's other stuff. I think the other stuff boils down to that, if that makes sense. Okay, sure. So it all comes down to that. It all comes down to that. I think. I'd like to think that. Yeah, so I think that there's more. So I think as good as Twitch chat is and as good as we are, I think that there's a part of you that's actually going towards that answer out of safety.

Okay. Is there something that you're like kind of concerned about, like emotionally? Is there something that gives you a lot of anxiety or concern that you don't feel comfortable talking about on stream? Maybe some things, but they're not, I don't think they're that related. I'm not sure. Yeah. So can you tell me a little bit about those? Sounds like the answer is no.

Not right now. I feel like we can get there. I feel like we can get there. Okay. We'll get there. Okay. Okay. So good.

So Andrew. Yes. We can talk about closing the gap, but I don't think that's going to be what you need. Okay. So I think that like we've got to explore this, like the other thing. Like I don't know what it is. I don't know. There's other things, I guess, but yeah, okay.

Yeah, I mean, because I don't know, because I think you're right, it all kind of boils down to closing the gap. But like, let me explain this to you. So to get on track in life, you have to deal with all the things that you don't want to talk about. Yes, agreed. Yeah. So like, let's talk about one of those specifically instead of this abstract concept. So this is also something to understand. When we're dealing with abstract concepts, what does that do to us?

Like, what does that do to our mind? Okay, yeah. Okay, no, I think I just had. trouble, like, thinking of, like, things. So I went to school. Oh, see, this is great. Yeah. I like how we transition, right? I went to school in, right at it when I graduated. I was 2012. So I went for three years, and I graduated

with a degree in game design. And I came out at the back end of it thinking, like, oh, shit, like, I actually don't know how to do any of this stuff. And I just, for a year, like, I didn't do anything. I didn't work. I just stayed at home and played games all day. And then... Did you have fun? I think it's fun for a little bit, and I think it's fun when you're playing it. But, like, thinking about it, like, I don't know if I necessarily regret doing it.

Okay. Yeah. But I ended up just taking up a retail job, and that's what I still do. And I've been doing that for the last three years. So I feel like, you know, like, I went to school, and it's like, I had this big vision of this is the thing that I wanted to do for the rest of my life. And then I finish it. It's like, wait, I actually don't. don't know if I want to do it or if I'm cut up for it or if I even like to do it.

So yeah. Okay. Yeah. You're very good. I like this. That was good. What? How we got there that we got there.

It came out. What's there? Help me understand where we are. We're dealing with the issues directly now. And what's the issue? The issue is, I don't have a sense of purpose, I guess, like career-wise. I just want to... Yeah.

I think there's more to it than that. I think that's an abstract. So I think here's the operative words, right? So I don't know if I want to do it. I don't know if I'm cut out to do it. I don't know if I'm able to do it. Yeah. So I think that there's...

Sure, like sense of purpose is once again an abstract. But I noticed something about you, Andrew, which is that you go to abstract concepts for like a feeling of safety. Okay, I can see that. Right. So this is sort of like, and it's very common, because if we can make something intellectual, like if we start using our intellectual or analytical mind, what part of our mind do we get to ignore?

The feeling part. Absolutely. Right? So I thought, I didn't realize you made some kind of breakthrough, but it seems like you made some kind of breakthrough. I feel like I did. Yeah. Yeah. But I think what you, when you said that, I think the main thing is you got in.

touch with like some of like you put words to your actual fears and what i'm hearing from you is that you're conflating or combining a sense of purpose with a sense of capability you're like mixing the two in your mind right you're saying there's a difference between i don't want to do this and i don't think i can do it and i think your real problem is that since you're not sure you can do it You're not willing to let yourself want to do it. Okay. Right? So I'll give you guys, like, just think, like, I think that was a little bit confusing the way I said it.

What did you understand? Um, like, I only want to do it if I'm good at it. If I'm going to be good at it. Absolutely. Absolutely. Right? Yeah. And what does that mean for, like, like, just think about that as a strategy.

It's not a very good one. Why not? If you don't do, like, you're only good at the things that you know how to do. And if you don't try to do things you don't know how to do, you're never going to like, you just, you're not good at things that you, that you're just starting at it. Absolutely. So, Andrew, what's your fucking problem, man? You're there.

You're going to, it's going to be that I need to try and do it, right? I need to go and do something. Just try it. Just do it. Yeah, sort of, right? So, like, that's the problem, right? So the problem is that you lack confidence in yourself. So you want to do the thing that you know you can do.

Because like you don't have faith in yourself that you'll be able to handle it. So you don't want to like go out. So like if I go hiking in the wilderness, if I have faith that I know how to find food and water and navigate and build shelter, I don't need certainty about what I'm going to encounter. Does that make sense? Like I have faith in my skills. to survive. What I'm hearing from you is that you don't have faith in your skills to survive,

so you're not willing to try. And then the most devastating thing that you do to yourself is since you're, if you're afraid that you're not good at something, you don't let yourself even want it. And that's where the lack of purpose comes from, because you don't even know what you want. Like, I asked you like, what is like a good life look like? And you're like, I don't know. I think you do know what you want. I just don't think you let yourself want to what you want. Okay. You don't let yourself. Okay. Um, so I think for me, like, my experience was that I went to school for three years for, for like game design. And then I came out at the back end and it's like, I don't know how to do anything. And it's like, okay, well, I kind of tried in school. And like,

maybe that was proof to me like, oh, like, I actually don't know how to do anything or if I don't, if I don't, I don't like it. Because I did try, right? I tried for three years. But maybe I just didn't, like I didn't give it my full effort. You look confused. Did you give it your full effort? I don't think I did. But I can't, I can't, I don't know if I can say for sure, like, if I feel like I did or not. I feel like there are times in school where I did and times in the school where I didn't.

But even when I did, even when I did, I don't think I necessarily enjoyed it. Like, it wasn't what I thought it was going to be. Okay. Yeah, period. I'm just going to think for a second. Is that okay? Yeah. I'll just think out loud for a second. I'm trying to get a sense of like we were talking about something that wasn't game design. Like I'm trying to move you away from thinking about game design. And you keep coming to game design. You keep coming to college. And so I'm trying to figure out like what the significance of your desire to talk about the way that you feel around colleges. I think that growing up as a kid, like I always had video games and that's what I grew up thinking. Like, oh, I wanted to do something. like game related like I want to do something you know it's playing games or making games or whatever

and then I actually went to school for it like like my whole life like I'm climbing like the mountain that's like like video games like I'm going to base my whole life around this and then I get to the top and like I get like kicked off like in the Lion King like when Mufus like he's coming up and Scar like kicks him off the mountain yeah it's like that like I die how does that feel feels like I died like my like like the rug got swept up from under me like I got kick, like you watch, I've been watching people play Jump King, it feels like that. Like you get to the top and you fall off off the side of the map and you just hit the bottom. Okay.

Yeah. That's some pretty powerful imagery. Yeah. Do you feel like someone did that to you? Like myself? I don't know. I'm asking. So like the image, it's not like Mufasa tripped and fell, right?

It's like he climbs to the top of the mountain and then Scar like sinks his claws. into Mufasa's like hands and then flings him off. Were you flung off or did you just slip? I don't know. Maybe a part of me wants to say that like I set myself up for that. Like there was a part of me that like wanted to do it and then there's another part of me that was like

maybe you should try to do something else instead because I wasn't fully enjoying it. Did someone fuck you over? Me, I guess. Okay. So this is some. Something else that gets me psychologically excited, right? Because, like, you are the scar and you are the Mufasa.

Yep. Yep. I mean, is that how you feel? Like, you feel like you did this to yourself? Like, I let myself down. Like, I kick myself off. Is that how you feel? Yeah, kind of. A little bit.

What's that like? It's almost kind of relieving in a weird way. How so? Like, it's within my, it's within my power to, like, to, like, take action. and to like kind of do something about it. How do you feel about that? I think we're, I think I'm still back to not knowing if it's the thing that I really wanted to do or if I should just try to do something else.

Yeah. I'm going to think for another second. Yeah. So Andrew, I'm, I'm a little bit surprised because you're making revelations that I'm not, I mean, it's clear because I was surprised when you said it, it's helpful. or it feels good to recognize that, which I believe. That's just not the answer that I was expecting. So I'm trying to recalibrate a little bit and try to understand your perspective.

And on the flip side, there's a part of me that's like, I don't have to understand. It seems to be helping the guy, so let's just keep going. Kind of, yeah. It doesn't lead me anywhere actionable. It's like, okay, like, these are kinds of things. Like, I feel like I've had this conversation with myself that may be, like, not outlined with another person. Okay. Yeah.

What do you tell yourself? What are the conversations that what do you tell yourself when you talk to yourself? Like, well, you know, I tried to kind of succeed in school with the thing that I really wanted to do, and it didn't really work out. So maybe we can try to do something else, and I might end up liking that more, or that might be like a different path that I could take in life. Okay. Yeah. And how do you feel about things not working out? It sucks.

Mm-hmm. Like, I mean, like I was saying, like, it's the thing that I kind of imagine myself doing. Like, it's pretty much like the one thing that I always kind of had going for me or that I thought that I had going for me. And it's like, well, now I have to kind of like just like look for something else. Yeah. So now, now I think, I mean, it sounds like you've gotten somewhere, which is great. But now I feel like I'm understanding you a little bit better. So thank you so much for, you know, answering my questions.

So I think I want everyone who's listening. and for you to just think about this, Andrew. So, like, you've put all of your eggs in one basket. Yes. Right? And then, like, what happened to your basket? Hey, someone took my basket. Or the eggs went bad.

Yeah, see, once again, there's like, there's like a villain somewhere in your subconscious mind. Yeah. It's not, I lost the basket, dropped the basket, the eggs broke. Like, there are all kinds of weird shit you can say, which is what I was expecting. But you said someone took the basket. And this is, like, consistent with the Mufasa imagery. and scar. So, like, who took the basket?

And I don't think it's yourself. Like, did someone take your fucking basket? It's going to be my parents, isn't it? That's where this is going. No, no, I don't know, man. It might. I don't know anything about your parents. Oh, man.

Like, you're the one, your subconscious mind is producing all of these, like, thing, like, because you can say, I mean, I give you such a broad analogy of eggs in a basket. Yep. And, like, I thought, like, in my mind, the analogy is that the eggs are fragile, so they break easily. So if you drop it, all the eggs break. Like, that's what's in my mind. Like, I don't know.

I've never even thought about it. Okay. Maybe, maybe, like, um, like, like, who took it away from you, Andrew? So, I don't think, no, I don't think the basket's out stolen. I think just the, the eggs went bad. The eggs went bad. I like that better because it's like, I kind of, I kind of, like, skated by. like in school but in life too I feel like just just enough to get by and like I had the eggs all along like I was able to keep them safe that egg was never able to do anything with it like I still have the eggs they're just really they're they went they're spoiled okay yeah all right so like let's just be transparent for a second if you I don't want you to try to change what you say but can we just acknowledge that if there's some other like open-ended weird roar shark kind of like statement that I make

And if someone does something bad to you, then we've got to talk about that. Like, I can let two out of three fine. Like, the imagery of Mufasa and, like, it's not like you fell off the mountain. The eggs went bad, like, fine. But if we hear it again, we're going to think about that a little bit more. Okay. Okay. So, I mean, so I think that let's just go back to the eggs in the basket.

And so you have, you know, you've put your entire life into video game design. Like, how early on did you decide you wanted to make video games? I don't know if I necessarily wanted to make video games. I just knew that I wanted to be involved. But I guess making games is kind of like the most like involved. Involved in what way? Just like, you know, I like go to work and do video game stuff and I come home and I play video games. Okay.

And then you went to school for video game design. And then somewhere along the way you, why did you think that you weren't? So like as you were in school for video game design, did you like what you were learning? Kind of well, that's the problem. I think part of it, I can't necessarily put the whole blame on myself. I think there are parts of school where I was never able to like kind of do what I really wanted to do in terms of like game stuff. If that makes sense. Hold on.

When you say you didn't put the whole blame on yourself, does that mean we're putting the blame on yourself? Does that mean we're putting the blame on someone else? No, I feel like there's so, there are parts, there are definitely things that I could have done to kind of make, to make more use of my time. But I feel like the environment that I was in was not necessarily like helpful either. Okay. What does that mean? Tell me about the environment. This kind of like goes back to like putting like just like hoping for the future like when I was in high school.

I had an idea of what, like, college is going to be like, and actually got there, and it was it really anything like I imagined it being. Okay. Did you feel like you got taken advantage of? Maybe a little, but I feel like I probably could have done more to kind of prevent that. Like, the tools were kind of available to me, but I never really made the most of it. Okay. I hear what you're saying. Okay.

did you feel like college could have done a better job of preparing you for your career? Like for most people college prepares them for their career, right? Yeah. I kind of feel that way, but at the same time, the people that I've seen that were successful coming out of school, which is very little. Like, it was a really small school, but most of the people who did well were people who put in a lot of work outside of class. Like most of their creative endeavors were done outside of class. and for me I spent most of my time outside of class

just playing games. Yeah. Yeah, so I think that's the divergence, right? And so when did you decide that like your eggs were like bad? Like when did you feel like the boat sailed? I think towards the end of it, like towards the end of school, not necessarily like at the end,

but it was like, oh, like, okay, like we're finishing up now. There are some people who kind of like, well, like, I'm looking at my peers and it's like, oh, these people are so much more like equipped, they're more practice, they've done more than I have, and I just played games all day. So like, I guess a part of my mind wanted to conflate like playing games as like doing work because I don't know, but not necessarily not really the case. It's not how it works. Yeah. So, so and you finished college and then you thought like it's over?

Well, I had like, I had sort of like an internship. And I didn't really do a lot. there's a part of my mind that's like I'm not really like doing a lot of work here and I'm not like this isn't what I imagined my life to be like okay um but actually well the other thing that happened too is because I live in Hawaii I went to school in the mainland so I ended up moving back home with my parents and I feel like that kind of like you know like maybe if I stayed in the mainland like I still would have been able to be around like my peers and I could have like work with them and stuff like that, but, like, moving to, like, moving back, come kind of, like, killed it.

Like, I did part of the internship online, but it was just, it never really, I kind of fell off, like, after, like, a month of that, because it just wasn't, it didn't feel like it was going anywhere. I wasn't, like, I wasn't, like, I wasn't being, like, challenged or interested by the work. Like, it didn't really, like, didn't really gel with me. And, and, and, okay. Andrew, I'm going to just need a second to, like, recalibrate because I still can't escape from this thought that, like, this.

this is just weird to me. Okay. This is a real weird stream. So I think that I'm not, please don't feel blamed. I'm just trying to help you think about. So I have lots of things that I can say that I feel like are somewhat generic, right? So we can explore, for example, what it's like to move back, what it's like to, you know, how do you start moving forward? Why did you feel like it didn't gel with you? There are all these kinds of questions that I could ask.

Yeah. I feel like I could answer all of them too. Yeah. Yeah. And that's, I think, the problem. problem because I think I think there's there's something here that I feel like we're moving around that you're not willing to say okay I feel like there's something here it's like you have all of those answers and that's not where the money is the money isn't in the answers you have it's in the answers that you don't have okay and there's just some there's just some weird theme about and like the other thing is like you're creating this weird kind of like you're baiting me like that's what it feels like. I'm not blaming you for this. But like, you're giving me all this,

like, psychologically juicy shit, like, I am the Mufasa and I'm the scar, right? But I don't, like, that's true, but, and you kind of, you keep on accepting responsibility for your situation, which sounds super healthy, right? You're saying like, oh, yeah, I could have done more. I could have done more. I could have done more. Right. And you're saying that, and I think that makes sense. And Like maybe this is just like, maybe I'm just, I just got off on the wrong track because that happens. I'm not perfect. I'm not psychic. I know people think I am.

Sometimes I'm just fucking wrong. But to me, it feels like there's something here. Like, do you, has someone taken something away from you? Like, even before all this college stuff? Like, I know it's a generic. Of course people have taken things away from you. But does something in your mind, like, pop out when I ask you that question? I think my mom pops out.

Okay. Yeah. what did she take away from you? I don't know if she took anything away for me necessarily, but maybe, like, so growing up, I did play a lot of video games, and even as, like, in, like, middle school and high school, like, I definitely, like, I did okay in school, but I ended up playing a lot of games,

and I think that kind of, like, detracted from, like, other parts of my life. And I remember, like, there are times of my life where, like, I was playing lots of games when my mom would tell me, like, oh, like, you're only going to be good at games. and stuff like that. Like, all you can be is like, you just sit around,

play on the computer all day. Oh, shit. Yeah. What did she take away from you? I don't know what she took away. Like, my ability to, like, to do other things. Absa fucking looting.

Just think about that for a second. Yeah. So she's the one... I feel like I've known this. Yeah. But yeah, go ahead. Go ahead. No, keep going.

I feel like I've known this, and I feel like, like, like, maybe like, like, the 25-year-old Andrews kind of knows this, but maybe like the younger Andrews kind of like it still hurts. It's a some scar, right? Like that? Oh, someone's been doing their homework. Yeah. So tell me about the younger Andrew. Uh, I feel like he is kind of hurt. He's really hurt by that. And, you know, it's kind of weird. It's like, well, like, I like to play video games. And maybe I do play too much,

but it's like, well, now I'm hurt. So now that I'm hurt, I'm going to play more video games. So what were your choices to major in college? Um, well, actually, it was, uh, it was specifically for game design. Like, I understand that. Yeah. Oh, choices? Like, okay. Yeah.

So, like, this is the thing, right? So you have this idea that you've got like one option on life. Yeah. Right? Where did you get that idea? Probably like when I was younger, like for my mom, right? But it's kind of weird because it's like I always like video games. But then I guess something got it to my head like I can only do video games.

Yeah. Right. So I'm just going to jump in. first a second. So thanks for the Raid Athene 5. We really appreciate it. And so we're going to pick up in a second, Andrew, because I just got to think about this. And I'm just going to introduce people to what this is. So this is the Healthy Gamer.g.m. I am a psychiatrist practicing in Boston, Massachusetts. This is a stream all about sort of helping people understand themselves why they feel stuck, helping them kind of think about how to move forward. Um, so

we're talking with Andrew, and Andrew feels like he's sort of, I would describe your situation, Andrew is something that I'd call failure to launch. I really like that, yeah. Yeah, right? So like failure to launch is like everything's set up, like everyone's on board, the plane is, is fueled, and just something happens and the plane just can't get off the ground. Yeah. And so I think we're actually dealing with two separate things here.

One is the failure to launch Which is like why hasn't your video game career Picked up Why don't you really want to make video games? Because I don't think you want to make video games Like you haven't We've asked you what you want And it's always been like

Oh like I like video games So let me make this my career But I think the real devastating thing Is that actually maybe what you want And this kind of goes back to Confusing what you want With what you think you're capable of Maybe what you want

Is something else but somewhere along the lines, somewhere along the way, you got convinced that the only thing you can possibly be good at is video games. Sounds right. And so if we want to help you move forward, I don't think we want to, and this is weird.

I'm sorry if I was like, like, I'm just not excited about the college and the inability to find a job in the video game industry. That just feels to me like it's like a red herring, even though it's sort of not. It sucks because it's like three years of my life, but. Yeah, right? So then we also have an element of like grief because you, in a sense, corner quote, wasted your time, which I don't think you did, but we'll get to that. Okay. But I think now the question becomes like, you know, what is it that when you, did you have any idea of like what you wanted to, like when your mom told you that, how old were you, by the way? Oh, well, that happened a lot. It happened a lot. Yeah. Well, I feel like it happened a lot. And how did she make you feel?

Um, I mean, it, it kind of hurt, but I feel like I was just kind of able to ignore it. Because it's, you know, it's happening. It's happening when I'm playing my game. So it's like, okay, like, just chill, like I'm trying to focus. Yep. Yeah. And what happens to feelings that you ignore, Andrew? Oh, they don't, they stay right there.

And what do they do? And what do they do with them? But they'll come up later. Yes. And in what way? So what is the feeling that she's creating you in you every time she says that to you? I mean, it's like hurt. I don't really know, like,

what the feeling is. Yeah. So it hurts to have your mom say that. And what does it make you start to believe about yourself? Like, maybe she's right. And if she's right, what does that mean? She's right about what? And I'm screwed. Oh, I can only do video games. Yeah. And I'm screwed because it's like, the only thing that I can do is a thing that I like to do. Yes. Right? And also that you're screwed in the job. Yeah.

So I think part of the reason, like, why are you stuck right now, Andrew? because I don't know what to be. That's half of it. Yeah, okay. Like, I feel like anything that I would do won't turn out well. Exactly. Yeah. So this is important to understand.

It's not that you don't know what to do. It's that doing anything is futile. Yeah. Like, I feel like I've tried to, like, kind of pick up other things, but it never really, like, never really panned out or caught my interest or was never able to, like, say, Like, oh, like, I could see this as a replacement for, like, doing video games. Absolutely. And so you say, this is all surface level language, right?

Like, it never panned out. No, I think the problem was that you never gave it a fair shot because in your heart of hearts, you never knew it would succeed. Yeah. I feel like there are times that, like, maybe I did kind of give them all, but those are like, like, I'm just trying to like, it never lasts, you know, like. Yes, because that, so this is important to understand. You can use willpower to temporarily overcome like your internal psychological stuff. But as long as that core belief that you're just not going to succeed is there, you're only going to get like spurts of activity.

You're not going to be able to create anything sustained. So if you want to do something in life, you have to believe in yourself. Right. Like you have to believe that this could go somewhere. Like, you can force yourself to do anything for a short amount of time. Right. But, like, if you really want the sustained... So what I'm hearing from you is that you have no sustained momentum.

Yeah, that's accurate. You're not a fire. You're a firework. Sure. Like a small firework at that, too. There we go, right? Like a little sparkler. What does that statement tell you about yourself?

Put yourself in my shoes. What do I think about you when you, when you insist on telling me that you're a small firework or a sparkler. Like, like this guy's not going to go anywhere in life. That's what you think about you. Oh, right? What do you think about me?

I think that that's a guy who believes he's not going to go anywhere in life. That is correct. Yeah. Sorry, what's the question then? Yeah, yeah, that's fine. Okay. Confusing question. Sorry.

But yeah, I think you're absolutely right. So you're like somewhere in your mind, like, do you see that? Like, you can't even sit with a random ass analysis. Like, you have to correct me. You have to let yourself and me and the rest of the world know that you're not going to amount to anything. Okay. That's harsh, but yeah. But that's what you're saying.

Like, you're correcting me. Okay. I wish you could see my face right now. I wish I could, too. How do you feel? I mean, hearing it, it, I mean, there's like, there's like a sense of sadness, but it doesn't, like, it's not like anything new. It's not like new information to me. There's a sense of sadness.

What else is there? Like hopelessness? Yeah. Right? So I think this is the problem. I mean, I don't think it's about not knowing what you can do. I think it's just like you don't think. So this is something you got to understand about yourself, Andrew.

Your brain is like very good. And your brain is not going to waste time doing things that it doesn't think are worth it. Okay. Right? Like you're not going to, like your brain is not going to let you wake up tomorrow and start painting for six hours a day for the next five years if it doesn't believe that you can be a good painter. Right.

And so I think this comes back to like you're just, you have some fundamental sense that you're not able to accomplish. You're not able to succeed. Yeah. And this is pervasive. It's like, you know, the firework, I think, is a really good example because you're kind of saying,

like, it's not even a big firework. It's a small firework. It's a sparkler. Your faith in yourself is just, is completely, like, it's like you believe you're capable of, of little, little things. Okay. How long have you felt that way about yourself?

It probably started around college. I feel like in, like, before college, like in high school and when I was younger, like I feel like I could do those things. But the only thing that I wanted to do was to play video games. Okay. And I feel like I did an okay job at that. Yeah. Right?

So it sort of makes sense why you gravitate towards video games because you have this belief about yourself and there's one thing. that's your beacon of hope, right? Right. You have one thing that, like, you can believe for yourself that you can, that can be different. Yeah. And so you gravitate towards it.

You put all your eggs in one basket. So now, Andrew, we've got to start thinking about, I want to sort of shift gears for a second and start thinking about, like, okay, what do we do about this? Yes. Right? So what thoughts do you have about that?

Like, what to do? Mm-hmm. Do you have any idea? You don't have to, I'm just wondering. Nothing like concrete, like that pops that comes to mind. So now we're going to do a little bit of education, and I'm going to tell you what I think you should do, okay? Okay. So the first thing is that beliefs about yourself, let's just think about this.

So it's clear that you've done your homework, so you know what a somscar is. So can you explain to our audience what a somscar is? So, I guess, kind of like a traumatic experience that you've had before in the past. And usually when you're younger and you don't really have the capacity to kind of like process it emotionally. Absolutely. And even though, yeah, you get older, right? And it just sticks with you. Yeah.

So I think your sense of inadequacy is not of a 25 year old. Like the reason that you feel the way that you do is because you're like a 15 year old. inside a 25-year-old's body? Yes. And like that disconnect is hard to deal with because you don't feel 25, you feel 15. So a somscar retains the age at which it was formed. Yeah. Okay.

So what forms a sumscar? Like a traumatic experience. Okay. So this is an important point. Not all somscars are negative. Okay. So if I have a sum scar that is positive, where is that going to come from? A good experience. Absolutely. So what's the common element between, so the root of a sum scar is what?

Like you're saying on the one hand, it's a traumatic experience. On the other hand, it's a good experience. Like a powerful emotional experience. Exactly. Okay. So just think, so some scars shape your behavior, right? You don't get to control them. they're not logical. They just exert this subtle influence in your subconscious mind that shapes what you do every day when you wake up. Like, do you get that?

Yeah. That like every time you wake up and you think about what you want to do in life, there is a part of your, there's a part of you that says it doesn't matter what you do because you're going to fail. You with me? Okay. Yeah. Yeah. So there's no point in applying for a job. There's no point in doing this.

There's no point in trying this. there's no point in trying this. Because at the core of the problem is that, like, you think you're going to fail. Like, do you agree with that or not? A little bit. Like, I feel like I can kind of do those things for a little bit, and then I get to a certain point, and I just stop. Good.

Okay. So, so that's also accurate, right? Because you can use willpower to overcome the influence of the sumscar. Does that make sense? Yes. Yep. For a brief period time. But the sumscar is there, and it's active.

It's like, the sumscar is like, I don't know, like, a, I don't know, like, a, auto spawns bad feelings. And like you can use some amount of like mana to like lightning bolt whatever shit it is popping out. But at some point you're going to run out of mana and it'll continue like spawning like shit in your life. Yep.

So like you're just going to run out of mana if you use willpower. So what we got to do is we got to like destroy that like enemy generator from like gauntlet, which is probably not a game any of you guys have played. I play gauntlet. Okay. Right. So you can't you you just have to take take care of the root. If you want, this is kind of a little bit off a tangent, but I play League of Legends, but you can use Dota analogies too. I could probably agree. Okay. I don't know how to translate this into Dota analogy at the moment.

It's okay. So, so, yeah, Blue Wizard is about to die, right? Okay, so let's just think about this. So if a Sumskar is kind of like automatic and exerts its influence on you like automatically, and there's, are good sumscars and negative sumscars, and good sumscars form, and the fundamental root of some scar is experience, what do you need to do? Have good experiences? Exactly. And it is that simple. It is not to have a particular experience. It is just to have good experiences. Yeah. And I want you guys to, no, I'm saying, okay, S-A-M-S-A-S-K-A-R-A. Yeah, is the A silent? Is that like a pronunciation thing? It's a pronunciation thing. Okay. So, so this is the important thing. Like, I want you guys to just think about this for a second. If we think about what influences your behavior, it is experience, right? The natural impulses

that cause you to do things are formed by experience, not by logic, but by experience. If you want to change the person that you are automatically so that you don't have to use willpower, if you're a lazy fucker like I am, and you don't want to, like, be disciplined and you don't want to be, use willpower, and you don't want to be a try hard, you just need to have different experiences. So I'll give you just a simple example. So let's say, like, I go to, uh, what's that dumb? Like, let's say like I go to like some, like, seafood place, okay? Okay. And if I go to a seafood place and I get sick.

what happens the next time someone tells me like, hey, let's go eat at that seafood place. I'm going to probably turn them down. Right? And does that require willpower? No, it's very easy. It's automatic, right? Because a negative experience automatically shapes our behavior. It would take you willpower to go back.

Absolutely. Now, let's say that I go to a restaurant and I have an amazing meal. And if someone says, oh, like, hey, let's go back to that restaurant. restaurant, how easy is that? In a heartbeat, I'm there. Absolutely. And why is that? Because I remember the positive experience of having the- Exactly. So experience is the great teacher.

Right? Right. Like that's the big thing that I want you guys to understand. It's not about logic. It's even not about emotion, although emotion has a lot to do with it. And its essence, yogis say it is experience that creates change. Okay. So I think what you need to do is experience. because right now what I'm hearing is absent in your life is experience. Not like a particular experience, but just experience in general.

Like, I'm curious, but I would bet money, Andrew, that if I looked at the last month of your life compared to six months ago, compared to one year ago, that the raw nature of your experience is basically the same. Sorry, can you try that again? So like that basically, if we think about one year ago versus six months, ago versus one week ago, like the kinds of things that you're experiencing are basically the same. I would say that's pretty accurate, yeah. And as long as that is the case, your life is not going to change. Okay.

Because experience is what creates change. Right? Just think about this for a second. I mean, because I think this is a good example and I use it a lot, but it leads to lots of livestream fails, right? So, like, I was about to ask you if you've had sex, but I'm not going to ask. So, you know, like, once you have sex, you have this experience of sex, and then it, like, really makes you want to have more sex, if it's a positive. And then if you have, like, a traumatic experience of sex, it really makes you not want to have sex.

Yep. But, like, you have to have sex once to really get fueled to do it again. Yeah, that's true. And so I think the basic problem, you're saying that I feel stuck, I don't know what I want, and that's because you've got no fuel in your tank. and so what you're trying to do, your mind is trying to substitute like logic and plans for fuel. You're trying to figure out in your mind like, okay, if I try to do this or if I set this up, or what if I live life this way? What if I live life that way? But that's not going to actually motivate me.

Like you can come up with, and I mean, I don't know why I think this, but I think that you've thought a lot about like all these different things that you could do. And you've even taken a couple of steps forward in those ways, even though they're all good ideas, it never leads to anything. Because you're operating in this, like, abstract area of ideas. You're just like, I could do this or I could do this or I could do this. Let me try this. Like, let me wake up in the morning.

Like, I'm going to, like, give it my best because this sounds like a good idea. But, like, you're not getting any fuel. Like, you're just, it's a firework, right? Like, you need to stick logs in that fire and you need to let it burn for a while. And those logs are just experience. So what I want to know from you, Andrew, is like, what can you do tomorrow? or you're in Hawaii? Yeah.

So what time is it? It's 11.20 a.m. right now. Okay. So what can you do today that is going to expand the scope of your experience? Like something different. So what is that? That's a great question. I don't know. I don't know.

Okay. I don't know if I have an answer. Yeah. So think about it. What is it available in your general area that you have never done before? Oh man, that's a great question. I don't know. I feel like when you live in Hawaii,

there's only so many things you can do. I completely agree. Yeah. And that's why you turn to games because they're more interesting. But I don't know. So like, what is in your general vicinity? So I want you to put

pull up Google Maps. Sure. Let me do that. And like look at your general location. Okay. I am looking Kind of Okay, and just like

I don't know How to, I mean, I don't want you Can you? Should I like my address in chat? Not in chat. Send it to me over Discord. I'm just, I'm just, Just your city.

I can just Y'all my address, you like the FBI? No, just give me, give me your city. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. There you go. Because we don't want these people doxing you Yeah, well, if they docks me, they get to go on a trip

If they come to snake me, I guess Can hang out Okay, so I see lots of beaches Yep Oh So I see that there's a rifle range Oh, where are you seeing that? It's like you live here

Have you ever shot a gun? A real gun, no Okay Right, so like I don't want you to go and shoot people Yeah, I don't have any plans on that But I would explore the rifle range Because as someone who has shot guns before It is a very unique experience

Okay I'm not advocating that you should go out and buy a gun Nor am I advocating that you shoot people You should not do that But in terms of like just the broad range of human experience I think like shooting a gun is something that's very Like it's very different Yeah, it sounds like fun

Because I I also see that there's a there's a gym. So the other thing that you could do is you could go take a class at a gym that you haven't taken before. Have you ever done yoga? I have not.

Okay, great. So that's probably healthier than shooting a gun. But I think you should actually, like, go to the shooting range and see if you could... Yeah, do both. Yeah. Well, which gym are you seeing? Just search for gym in your fucking city. Like, there's going to be one. It doesn't matter. which one I'm seeing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got to pay money, though.

I actually used to go to the gym, and then I stopped. Okay, so go do something at a gym or go find... Yeah. Yeah. I'll probably do the rifle range, because that sounds like a nice, like, one-off thing, but the gym sounds like I couldn't in it because in the... Yeah, so you may want to call them and figure out, like, you know, what you need to do to go there. Yeah. Is there like a military base near where you live? Um, maybe there's a couple of those, yeah.

Near is kind of a subjective for, boy, like, if it takes more than like 50 minutes, it's far. Okay. So, so, yeah, so, like, call them up and then, like, go and do something real. And then, like, go take a yoga class, which is that's, that's, you know, like, go and have an experience. Okay. Okay. Yeah, I've tried looking up things on a meetup, but I never really considered looking at Google. maps for like stuff to do. That makes sense. Yeah. Okay.

And seriously, like, just to be clear, I'm not like advocating violence. It's just if you guys have never, like, I think it doesn't even need to be a real gun. Have you ever played paintball? I've done paintball. I've done air riflery in high school. But yeah, I've shot. Yeah. So, so, I mean, I think like in the broad range of things, like, I think going underwater is like a wild thing you can do. Like, going skydiving is a wild thing you can do. Like, it doesn't even have to be wild. Like, going to a yoga. class is like a very different experience.

You know, like having an orgasm is like a very different experience. Like watching an animal, stumbling upon an animal in the wild is like a very different experience. And like these are just different experiences, right? Like going to a crawfish boil is a different experience. If you've never eaten sushi before, having sushi is a different experience. If you've never played a video game before. Like enjoying a video game is like a wildly different experience. Like, I've tried to get my mom to play video games for the last 20 years.

And, like, she finally had fun playing a game. Can anyone guess what it is? Oh. Couldn't be Dota. Yeah, someone got it. Nope. It's over-cooked. Okay.

Overcooked's great. She played overcooked, and she, like, it was a riot. Nice. And so that's what I want you to do. Like, I know it's, like, a fucking, I'm going to get banned now because I told you to go to a rifle range. I'm not saying shit. Like, really, like everyone understands that, right? I'm not advocating.

And by the way, I mean, like, yeah, I mean, we can talk a little bit about feelings of wanting to be violent towards other human beings because that's a big problem. Yeah. So, yeah, so if I really wanted to get banned and I wanted to punish people, I'd tell them to play Dark Souls. If you haven't played Dark Souls before, that's another novel experience that you can get. and so I think like your so so Andrew just to sum up so I think that like it can be very hard to figure out how to move forward in life when you feel so stuck and you don't know what to do right like that's where you are like you don't even know where to start so like the instinct is to tell you like oh if you like studied like video gaming like why don't you try to break into the industry and why don't you polish up your resume and why don't you find an internship those are all suggestions that may be good suggestions But I think the basic problem is that you have a lack of experience in life, like just experiencing different things. And what you need to do is just go out and do something, like go do different things. They don't have to be good.

They don't have to be bad. But as you start to do different things, you are going to develop a different sense of self from the one that you have now. And as you change your sense of self, your ability to move in the world is going to change. Okay. Questions? A couple, actually. Kind of, I don't know if this is taking some steps backwards, but I have an opportunity with my work to do online college.

And I'm also, I was also trying to look for a new job. I'm wondering what you think would be good, like, if I should stay with that. And like, it's like super cheap schooling. And that's kind of a near experience. What do you think, Andrew? It's hard. It's like, well, one hand, if I go to my job, if I stick with the job that I have now, it's like, well, work kind of sucks sometimes, but then I'd like be going to school.

But at the same time, I could get a new job. And then, like, I don't know. Like, I feel like that might not be anywhere either. Yeah. So, Andrew, I don't really know how to advise you about whether you should change your job or not. Because that's, I mean, I don't know anything about your life. I don't know what your financial situation is. I know you work in retail.

You have the opportunity to go to college. So this is all, like, in your head level thinking. Does that make sense? Like you're doing analysis. You're weighing pros and cons. Like I don't think you have a problem with that. That's not where your problem is. Yeah.

So I don't know anything about your life. I don't know like where you live. I don't know how much your rent is. I don't know if you're supporting anyone. Yeah, yeah. But I mean, I don't know like what your living situation is. Whether you live alone, whether you live with roommates, whether you live at home. I don't know.

I mean, all of those like those are the kinds of things that weigh into a decision like this. I think the way. that you need to start is by like, so you can figure out whatever that decision is, but frankly, Andrew, I think you spent too much time thinking about that stuff, because that's not, you've been thinking about that kind of shit all for years, and it's like, hasn't gotten you anywhere. Yeah. Like, you need to just go out and, like, do something.

Like, if there's, there's an animal shelter, like, go and volunteer. Do you have a pet? No. Okay, so, like, find, like, are there animal shelters nearby? I think there might be. So, like, go out and, like, volunteer at an animal shelter. Okay. Spend time with like animals.

It's like crazy. It's fun and we'll make you feel different about yourself. Yeah. We used to have a dog and then the dog died and it's like, that's it. We're done with pets. Okay. Sorry to hear that. That's okay.

I just, I don't know. I think like there are a lot more details that are involved in terms of answering that question. So I'm sorry. Okay. Okay. Okay. That's fine. Okay.

Other questions? Yeah. How does one go about getting therapy? Oh, great question. Okay. So let's talk about therapy. Yep. So I think it is a good idea.

If you feel depressed or sad or especially like suicidal, because that's been cropping up from time to time on our discord, you should definitely get therapy. So you should go and get a mental, in fact, I think everyone should get like a mental health evaluation. I think it's a good idea to just be in a physical evaluation too. if you haven't seen a primary care position, go and see a primary care position. So start there. And in terms of finding a therapist, here's what I would recommend. So if you have health insurance,

you can start, depending on what your financial situation is. So about a third of therapists within the United States don't accept health insurance. If you have health insurance, you may have an out-of-network benefit. And if you have an out-of-network benefit, they will reimburse a percentage of what you pay to your therapist or psychiatrist. So, for example, I see people, my rate is $450 an hour. Out of that, patients who have good health insurance get reimbursed about $350 per session. So their out-of-pocket cost is about $100 per week. Okay.

So depending on what kind of insurance you have, you'll have an out-of-network benefit or you won't. If you don't have an out-of-network benefit, I would call your insurance company and ask for a list of providers who accept your insurance. then you start Googling people and you start calling people and you read about the therapist because nowadays a lot of therapists have websites and you try to find a couple of people that you like and then what you do is you reach out to them and you try to schedule appointments and then you go and I would recommend that you meet with three therapists and if you meet with three you just pick the one that you think like you enjoy meeting the most like who do you like the best

and I think that sometimes people forget that like you know you don't just buy the first car you see, you go and you test drive things, and you see which one works for you, and that's especially important for a therapist. So the insurance stuff aside, the other thing that you can do is just Google, like, things like therapists in your area, or you can go to a website like Psychology Today, or you can go to someone like Rise Above the Disorder, like Rad, I think is a good resource. So they connect people with therapists, they'll interview you and try to find a good fit for you and stuff like that, so they can really help you with that.

And so that's, I think that's how you find a therapist. What modality and stuff they use is I think like that can be important. But at the end of the day, like you're probably not going to know much. I mean, I guess you can read about psychodynamic versus CBT or whatever. And you can find something that you think you're going to like. But ultimately, I think fit is way more important. And it's been my experience that a lot of therapists do way more than a particular thing. Like even, so the person who taught me CBT, I was really confused because I thought she was going to be teaching me CBT, but she kept on like talking to me about psychodynamic stuff. And it's just like good therapists use like everything under the sun.

Right. Makes sense. What do you think about online therapy? I mean, I do telepsychiatry with some people. I think I like meeting with people in real life better, but it can work. Yeah. Okay. I am very confused with chat. You guys are right. I don't know what that means. But anyway, other questions. Does that make sense? Yeah, make sense. Okay, another one. This is like a question I submitted through the question, but since I'm here,

I figure I'm going to ask it. So I have something relating to like, I remember you talking about like having like a Dharma to like different people or different things in your life? Like, is Dharma like a singular thing or it's like I have like a Dharma to my family or have a Dharma to like my community or have a Dharma to myself? Like, how does that work? Great question. I'm going to start actually by asking it.

question to chat because I think I think your question is good. So chat, I need y'all's help or we need y'all's help and you feel free to weigh in too, Andrew. We're trying to think about like how we can help you all the best. And one of the things that I'm thinking about is like we're thinking about taking a step back from just doing interviews and like doing more start to finish content because we get a lot of questions. I talk a lot about Dharma, but it's like patchwork. I get questions about it. I interview someone about it. And then sometimes people will ask in chat, like, what's the deal with Dharma?

So one of the things that we're thinking about doing is like doing like a stream devoted to particular topics. So like I'll do one day just talking about Dharma from start to finish. Another day I'll talk about psychedelics, which is like start to finish. I may not probably won't do an interview, but we'll

just like do one day about psychedelics, one day about Dharma, like another day about Ayurveda, which people seem to like a lot. And so do you guys want us to expand beyond Q&A and interviews. Okay. So then we're going to do that. Okay.

So the next question that I have for you guys is that the other thing that I was thinking is we start with people, right? So we have this session with Andrew, and I'm still not sure if this is helping or not helping. Or whether this is useful to people watching. It helps a little bit. Yeah. So we'll see, though, because I think you're not going to have a psychological breakthrough that's going to change your life, Andrew. You need to go out and start doing shit. Like, that's really what you need.

Okay. And because I think it's all about combating that some scar. And we can talk more about that. But here's the other thing that I've been wondering. So we have a waiting list of people who want to come on stream. And at the same time, I'm wondering. So I sometimes get follow-ups from people. And like, I'm wondering if actually it would be helpful for people to see, for example,

Andrew's journey, right? So he goes out and he does this. But then the next time we meet, we dig a little bit further. So would you guys, do you guys like to see? see like different people every week or would you guys think it is better or more useful to watch someone's journey from start to finish? Journey. Okay.

So we're going to do both. Okay? Because I think the main reason we haven't been doing journey is because I feel like it is unfair to all of the people who want to come on. For a few people to monopolize like our time and the help that we offer. So I think we're going to try to do both. So we're going to pick a couple of people. and I think Wreckful is going to be one of them

because he wants to come on again. And then we'll try to pick like a couple of other people and we're going to try to see because there are a lot of challenges that come up. So if you guys have seen the interviews with Sky, so Sky like DM me the other day and like brought up an amazing point

which I think is like really important. But like is something that happens two or three steps forward. That like as you start with your first revelation, you start with your first game plan, but in the progress of growth, you have challenges that arise. And like, those challenges are also very common. So Sky asked me a question and he's like, I was wondering if I should start changing my life today or I should like pick a date in the future to like start this journey.

And like that's such a beautiful question to ask because it's like so important. And there's this big problem. So people, everyone says like, oh, you should just do today. You should. do today, you should do today. That's defeating the point, right? So the purpose of the stream is not to give him the answer. The purpose of the stream is to help him understand what in his mind makes him want to put it off and what in his mind makes him want to do it today. That's what you guys have to understand. There's a part of your mind that wants to push things off and where is that coming from and how do we understand that? Because the solution to doing things today is not just to say today is the better day to do it. It's understanding why you want to push it off until tomorrow. Right? It's not about the

right answer. Like, I'm not here to give you guys answers. I'm here to help you understand, like, what's going on inside you. Okay. So we're going to do longitude, like, we're going to do, like, more longitudinal stream. So we'll follow up with particular people. And we're probably going to do, like, between four and eight weeks. So apologies to the people that we're not going to be getting to as a result of that. We're going to do the best that we can. We're going to continue to do new people because I think that's important, too. Yeah. And, okay. And then, Yeah. So the other thing is, if you guys know someone that you think should come on stream, by all means, let us know. And if you guys are members of other communities, let them know too. Like, so if you guys want, like, so you let that, like, because I don't know. I mean, I. Yeah. So, so like, whoever it is, like, you guys have to help us get those people, right? So someone messaged me the other day and they were like, PewDie Pies taking a break from YouTube. He's super stressed out. and like, PewDie Pye is huge and all that.

Like, I'm happy to talk to the guy, but, like, I have no way of getting PewDie Pye to come on. Like, I don't know who all these people are. L.S. messaged me, and they said, okay, fine, I don't know who L.S. is. Like, Athene rated us. Thank you for the rate Athene. You're welcome to come on. I don't know who any of these people are. People have been talking about Mitt Jones since day one. And that's fine. Like, I'm, I think we're going to, I think Mitch Jones, I don't know. I can't say anything about that, but.

So you guys tell us who you want us to see, and you also tell them. Because Recful, actually, we didn't get Recful on the stream. You guys got Recful to come on the stream. So someone in our community said, hey, Recful, you should do this. And Recful was like, okay, and it was like kind of a last minute thing. So whoever you guys want to come on, you just let me know, and you let them know, and we'll make it happen. And we're definitely going to reserve time for, pardon me for saying this, but like, the people who aren't big stream. right? Like, that's fine. It's not, this isn't like a, like, celebrity psychoanalysis stream. This is

just a helping regular people stream. And like, everyone is a regular person in my book. Okay. So you guys let us know who you want. So let me just hear a, like, so a couple of takeaways. So the first is that you guys want to see more content stream. So I'm not going to interview someone. I'm just going to get up here and I'm going to fucking talk at you for like 45 minutes, which I feel weird doing, but I'll do. The second thing is we're going to do more like follow-ups with people and follow someone's journey from like start to finish. I don't know about finish because I don't know what that is, but we're going to follow people over time and we'll see how that goes. And the third thing is that if you guys want someone else to come on, I'm happy to. And then y'all let me know how to make that happen because I'm a boomer.

Right? I claim boomer. I claim boomer. Who is LS? I don't know. okay now getting back to so so this is the thing you guys are telling me to ask this person to ask this

I don't know who any of these people are you guys need to ask these people like fucking like someone here is telling me that I need to be streaming more you guys have to understand this I have a limited amount of time in my day and if I'm asking people to come on stream that is like time that I'm not spending

actually streaming it sounds like I need to be streaming more not streaming less so if a theme great lazy doc absolutely hey let's be clear i never claim to not be lazy okay okay so let's get back to poor andrew who has been waiting patiently for an answer to his question and let's talk for a second about dharma okay so karma is the Sanskrit word for duty or responsibility and it is my belief that like living in accordance with your dharma gives you an immense amount of strength to tolerate difficult parts of life.

And so if you don't feel like doing something, like doing your, like, Dharma is what lets you, like, give you the strength to tolerate the bad stuff. So classic, I mean, not classic, but like one example that I use is like, if I'm working in the emergency room and some guy comes in with like a heart attack, like, or actually, let me give you guys a real example that happened to me. So that's happened to, but. So when I was interviewing for residency, before I was even a doctor, I was a fourth-year medical student, and I was flying all over the country.

to do interviews. I was on a flight where the dreaded thing that all doctors dread happens, which is that someone said, is there a doctor on board? There's someone, one of the passengers is having a problem. So I'm a fourth year medical student. I'm not even a doctor. And so I kind of wait, and I'm like, let's see if there's a doctor on board. And then like about 60 seconds later, the announcement happens again and no one says anything. And then I'm like, well, luck. Like, I'm not technically a doctor. I'm terrified, right? Because I don't actually know how to save anyone's life. But I may be the most knowledgeable person on the plane. Like, I'm a medical student. And so, like, what should I do? Like, I'm afraid that I'm going to kill someone. I'm

afraid that I'm like, I'm feeling anxious. I'm feeling scared. And what do you think I want to do, Andrew, since we still have you on? Let's use you. What do you want to do? Yeah, what do you You want to help the person. Yeah, but what do you? I want to do something more, which is not do anything. No. Okay. Right?

Yeah. Well, there's just a part of you that wants to help them and a part of you that wants to do nothing, right? Absolutely. Which part do you think is stronger? The part that doesn't want to do anything. Absolutely. I just want to stay quiet and I want to pretend this never happen. Let the guy die.

So what is my Dharma? What is my duty or responsibility in that moment, Andrew? to go to help the person. Absolutely, right? And so the more that I orient towards that, the more I'm able to deal with my negative feelings. Because when you sit with negative feelings, this is important.

When you sit with negative feelings, the negative feelings control you, right? Like, this is going to sound really weird. But when you're in your negative feelings and you're fighting against yourself, your negative feelings control what you do. Does that make sense? Yeah.

But when you incorporate someone else, you start acting for other people, like, you become less important. Does that make sense? Yeah, I feel like I've been able to kind of adopt this at work, too. It helps. And then like the less important you become in the equation, then it doesn't matter what kind of shit you're dealing with, what your somers are, whether you have anxiety or whatever. Like, it becomes about the other person, and then you have the strength to act. It's almost like a hack. It's like Dharma's like a hack to let you overcome the shit that goes on within you. Because in that moment, like, it doesn't fucking matter what fear.

I feel like, this guy could be done. And I may be a medical student. I may be incompetent. I don't know how to save lives. I don't know what to do. But like, I'm it. So what do you think happened, Andrew? Any idea?

I'm hoping that you save the guy. Yeah. So I muster up my courage. I think about my Dharma. I hit the call bell. Flight attendant comes over and grabs me. And I say, you know, I just want to say, like, I may be able to help. I'm a fourth year medical student, so I'm going to graduate in a couple of months,

but I'm not actually a doctor. But I'm happy to try to help with what I can. So she says, please come with me, sir. We go back to the airplane. I see a guy on the floor. And next to him, I see an older dude who's kneel. healing over. And I introduced myself and the guy says, oh, like, thanks for showing up. I'm glad you're a medical student. You can go back to your seat. I'm a cardiologist. And this guy's going to be

fine. He's having a panic attack. Great. Turns out there was a fucking doctor on the plane and like, their wires were crossed. And I was like, oh my God, I almost died. But you did it. But you went up, you went up and you stepped up. Which is important, right? Yeah. Right. And like, that's that's what dharma is about Dharma is about like that thing within you that helps you combat that fear that helps you overcome it and the fear is there it doesn't go away

we don't numb it that's what video games do that's what drugs do they make it go away so what I want you guys to do is I don't want to take away your fear I don't want to take away your anxiety I don't want to take away your sadness I don't want to take away your depression I don't want to take away your shame what I want to do is help you live the life

that you want to in spite of those fucking things. Right? Like, that's what life is about. It's not about taking away that shit. It's about, like, living a life where you can do the things that you need to do and want to do in spite of that shit. And that's what Dharma lets you do.

So, Andrew's question, do you have Dharma's to multiple people? Absolutely. Right? So this is what I think is fun about the Mahapharath. So this is a story about, like, dharmic conflict. So that you have dharmas to different people, and sometimes those dharmas. like conflict and how do you resolve the different dramas that you have to different people

and so for example you know if you're if you're you know I don't know how what to say but like you know you may you have a certain trauma to your parents and sometimes that conflicts with your Dharma to yourself yes you have a Dharma to you know maybe your boyfriend or girlfriend and that can sometimes conflict with your Dharma to yourself you have a Dharma to yourself that can conflict with Dharma to your family, I mean to your job or your boss. And I think like this is where a lot of people

get bent out of shape because they don't live in accordance with their Dharma. They try to make their family happy. And you can't make your family happy, but you can do your duty to them, right? And this is where a lot of people get bent out of shape because they try to make their parents proud. You can't make your parents proud. You can just do the most that you can to make them proud. And whether they feel proud or not is up to them. So there's a lot of strength in Dharma too, because there's a lot of surrender in Dharma. So like, now, Andrew, you have a Dharma to go out and experience something.

That's your Dharma to yourself. And whether your life gets transformed or not, like, that's not something you can control. And I know people come on the stream thinking that I'm going to transform their lives. Guys, I can't fucking do that. It's impossible. Like, literally, think about this. You can't talk to a guy on Twitch for an hour and your life be transformed. It's just not going to happen. But you do have a Dharma to yourself.

and that Dharma is to go out and experience something. Go to yoga class or a shooting range, whichever one. But I don't advocate gun violence in any way. Just against targets. Right? Yeah. So you have a Dharma to yourself. And this is like really important because I think most people that I talk to on stream

and like gamers or human beings in general, the Dharma that they fail the most is actually the Dharma to themselves. Just think about that. Like, you'll do amazing things for other people. Like, if your friend is sick, you'll make them chicken noodle soup. And you'll, like, take them something that's healthy and nutritious and tasty. But you won't make healthy and nutritious and tasty food for yourself. You'll do it for them, but you won't do it for yourself.

And that's a fucking problem. Like, the biggest person that you're failing in life is not your parents, not your boss, not, well, maybe your spouse, maybe your kids. actually. Yep. But is to yourself, right? Yeah. Other questions? Andrew?

Well, I mean, kind of expanding on that, like, should I be holding, like, the Dharma to myself above other things? Or how does that, like, what's the hierarchy? I mean, there isn't a set hierarchy, and that's why you need to do things like study certain texts to understand the nuances of Dharma. So I think you just have to understand, like, how can you do? and I think a lot of times people confuse, like I said, they confuse outcomes with doing your Dharma. So I find it rare that true Dharma comes into conflict and that usually there's like some kind of Dharmic road,

which involves fulfilling all of your responsibilities. Okay, so just like try to do everything the best you can. Yeah, and just understand like what target you're setting because your target shouldn't be a particular thing happening. It should be a particular Dharma. Like I'm doing this. I'm doing X thing for X reason. and not worrying about that.

Yeah. Right. So, like, I don't know, like, what kind of conflict do you mean, but, you know, rarely does it actually come into conflict. Okay. In my experience, you just, you just need to think through it and talk through it. Oftentimes, it seems like it comes into conflict, but the more that you reflect on it, the more you can find that middle road. Can I be a kind of specific then? Sure. Yeah, I feel kind of weird, but it's like, a part of me, like, wants to start. at my job because I feel like I have a responsibility to my coworkers. But at the same time,

I have a responsibility to myself to kind of like seek better employment. So what is your responsibility to your coworkers? Uh, I don't know. They just kind of feel like, like, like, I feel like that they've helped me a lot and that I, I add value to like what they do. What does that mean you add value to what they do? Uh, or like, like, I feel like part of a team. Like, I feel like part of a family. Like, I really like, like the people that I work with. Okay. So what does you? your Dharma to your coworkers? Like, to help them.

In what way? To show up to work and do my job. Okay, so if you don't show up and do your job, what happens to your coworkers? Well, it kind of sucks more for them because then they have more stuff to do. Okay. Like, if I were to just call out a- So that's not your Dharma. Yeah.

So that sounds like a failure of Dharma on your boss's part. Does that make sense? Like, if I really leave? Can you try it one more time? Yeah. So, like, it's not, it's not. your responsibility to ensure that your coworkers are not overworked. Okay.

Does that make sense? Yeah. So that can feel different from feeling like you owe them. So you have a Dharma to them. If they've done something good for you, you have a Dharma to do something good for them. So that's just a conversation. It's like, hey, guys, I'm quitting.

But I really appreciate when you did X, Y, and Z. and if you all need help down the right road, if you need help moving or whatever, like let me know I'm happy to help you out. You can do Dharma to those individuals, but like making their job easy is not your Dharma. This is exactly what I mean. Like, Dharma's pretty simple.

It's your boss's Dharma to make sure that their employees have manageable experiences. That's the Dharma of a boss. It's not the Dharma of a coworker. Okay. Yeah, it kind of puts it into perspective. Right? Like, it's not your job to make sure your coworkers have a good experience. that's the boss's job.

Yeah. Like that's the role of a boss. Like that's the Dharma of a boss. If I employ people, it's my job to make sure that they don't get overworked. It's my job to make sure that they feel fulfilled. It's my job that they feel like they're growing as human beings. And like they have a certain basic karma to treat each other with respect.

But you don't control like the work environment and the workloads of your coworkers. That's not your Dharma. Okay. That can be hard to accept, but to me, it's pretty simple. Like, you're taking responsibility for things that are not yours.

That's not your responsibility. That makes sense. Okay. Okay? I guess okay, yeah. I mean, I don't know how much more time that you have, but... Well, I'd like to get to other questions, but if you have, like, if you have, like, a clarifying question

or you don't understand, by all means ask. No, I think that's good. I think I get it, yeah. Okay. awesome man thanks for coming on Andrew strong work today all right and you know try to make peace with your inner scar

because remember guys there are some battles that you can't win because those are the battles that you play against you fight against yourself that's a game you can't win when you're playing against yourself so don't do it okay good luck Andrew and check in with us by the way like I do a bad job of like not following or not mentioning this on stream but I don't know if you guys remember we had someone on

a couple weeks ago or maybe a month ago who were like telling them to make food and they like made some kind of stew. It was amazing. I don't even remember who they are. Joro took a walk. Yeah, I forget who it is. But anyway, so people are actually doing stuff. You guys remember Jorro.

He's like taking walks and shit, so that's good. Oh, I guess real quick I say, okay, after I take my eugos and go shooting guns, like what I do after that? What's next? Message me. We'll figure it out. Okay. Continue doing things. Yeah.

Okay. Okay. All right. Gizmo, right. Gizmo made the stew. She made some bacon and vegetable stew. It looked good. Mm.

All right. Take care, Andrew. Okay, thanks. Bye.