HealthyGamerGG - Are You A Terminally Online Insomniac? ft. Jeremiah Brown

Episode Date: September 6, 2025

In this episode, Dr. K sits down with Jeremiah Brown who is a model, creator, and Love Island alum. He talks about what it means to live “too online” and how it can wreck your sleep, focus, and mental health. Jeremiah shares his journey from day trading to modeling, how Love Island shaped his perspective, and why building community through his book club has become so meaningful. The conversation dives into insomnia, dopamine cravings, discipline, and the challenge of actually applying self-improvement lessons in real life. Topics include: What being “terminally online” really looks like The link between insomnia, dopamine, and bad routines Jeremiah’s path from trading and teaching to full-time modeling Building habits, book clubs, and applying lessons instead of just consuming them Whether you’re stuck in late-night scrolling or chasing endless self-improvement content, this episode offers practical takeaways on how to reset your habits and focus on what really matters. HG Coaching : https://bit.ly/46bIkdo Dr. K's Guide to Mental Health: https://bit.ly/44z3Szt HG Memberships : https://bit.ly/3TNoMVf Products & Services : https://bit.ly/44kz7x0 HealthyGamer.GG: https://bit.ly/3ZOopgQ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Hey, chat. Welcome to the Healthy Gamer Gigi podcast. I'm Dr. Alokinoja, but you can call me Dr. K. I'm a psychiatrist, gamer, and co-founder of Healthy Gamer. On this podcast, we explore mental health and life in the digital age, breaking down big ideas to help you better understand yourself and the world around you. So let's dive right in. All righty, chat. Let's get started. Welcome to another Healthy Gamer Gigi stream.

My name is Dr. Allo Kanoja. Just a reminder that although I'm a psychiatrist, nothing we discussed on stream today is intended to be taken as medical advice. everything is for educational and entertainment purposes. Only, if you'll have a medical concern or question, please go see a licensed professional. Welcome, everybody. So today, we have something really cool. We're going to be talking with the one, the only, the Jeremiah Brown, megachad,

Love Island, Megachad.com. Check out his website. Before we hop into this conversation, I have no idea what the deal is with Love Island. I don't know what's going on, but apparently he's a cool guy. Apparently, it's a great show. whatever we're just here to talk to people i think let me see if uh the chadman himself is ready yeah w dr k all right all right let's let's get started man so let's first what do you go by uh you tell me jeremiah okay jeremiah yeah so jeremiah tell me i would love to learn a little bit

about you or yes yeah can you tell me a little bit like yeah okay let's do it um basically uh i I'm born and raised in Seattle, Washington, or Auburn, Washington. And then at 18, I went to college for four years and got a film degree. Okay, cool. During that period, COVID hit. So I had to learn filmmaking on Zoom. So I felt out of love with it. Yeah.

So I felt out of love with being behind the camera and started being in front of it. So I started modeling a lot more. And then I was day trading from 2020 to 2022. And I was going crazy at the end. But then I graduated and I was like, oh, this is my job now. I got to make X a month to support myself and blew everything up. Like I climbed from like, I lost probably like 10K learning, climbed all the way back up and then lost almost all of it again because I graduated and put so much pressure on myself. So then I was like, damn, what am I going to do?

So at 22, I took a gap year and I was an assistant substitute teacher for a year while I was modeling. And then the modeling started going crazy. So I was like, you know what? I'm just going to send it. So I drove to California alone and just, you know, got blessed enough to start modeling full-time, like six months after that. Like, I was working ballet part-time, you know, supporting myself. I broke my foot, had to borrow money from my mom's like a year and a half ago. And, yeah, and then I started modeling full-time and then now I'm here.

Yeah, so you were recently on this TV show Love Island, which like everyone was talking about. Can you tell me a little bit about, I've never seen the show? Good, good. Can you tell me a little bit about the process of getting on the show? Like, what's that like? Like, I mean, I just love to hear about what human beings' experiences are in life. So can you tell me a little bit about what, like, what that was like? Okay, let me turn you up real quick.

And I got you. Chad, is this better? Is it better? Can't hear him not good? Okay, let me turn it up. I'm off all. Can you say, can you ask for you ask the questions? Yeah, yeah.

So I was just wondering. just what what is it like to be on a TV show like that? And what's the premise of the show? Can you explain it for us? Okay, I got you. Testing 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14. What comes next? 16, 7.

Better, better. Okay, it's good. Thank you so much. Yeah, sure. So the experience of the show was insane. I guess I'll start from the beginning. Boom. They DM me.

And I'm like, you know what? I was not in the best place because I just got broken up with like three weeks before. But I was like, it was kind of like something to latch on to while you go through a dark time, you know? Like, this would be a crazy experience. I've never been out the country besides Canada when I was 16. So I'm like, you know what? Let's do it.

And then you go through like a 12 step process. They had 95,000 applicants this year. Wow. Which is, yeah. So being. So I'm just saying like, God doesn't make any mistakes. And I was just like, first you do Zoom interviews, then you do fill out questionnaires. and then you do

like you meet them in person then you go to a doctor you have to do the I know you're aware of it like the M something test where it's like a personality test I do like a thousand question test and then you go to a doctor in person then you meet with the psychiatrist

and you meet them again in person then you meet these people then you fly there then so it's like a 12 part thing to do it and then once you actually get to Fiji they fly out more people than are going to go on the show

so like you do one interview they say okay we like you for either OG, a bomb show, or a CASA, then you do another interview, then you do a photo shoot, you feel me? So it's just like a lot of processes for you, get it. What's your sense of what they're looking for? That changes the more.

Let me, let me chill. I would say personalities. I guess just like a mixture of personalities. I don't know. Maybe like, it's not like a pressure group. They kind of put a bunch of personalities in and then shake us up and see what comes out. And so I much.

say maybe they're looking for people that are comfortable in front of a camera and have confidence, I would say, and this would give people, you know, good TV in a sense. Interesting. Yeah. So first of all, I'm super impressed by their process. So I didn't realize, I mean, that shows like this have, you know, psychiatrists interviewing people, probably assessing whether you're, like, stable enough to, like, you know, not acutely, mentally ill and things like that. That sounds really, really well done and quite thorough. And, okay, so, So you jumped through all these hoops. And what was it like?

Like when you were going through all of this, what was that experience like for you? The actual process before I got there was so fun because my sisters are so much. Oh, thank you for the sub. Chloe's your only. Sorry. My sisters are absolutely obsessed with the show. So I was talking to the whole, like every time I had an interview, a meeting, anything, I'm voice noting them. And they're like my best, they're literally my best friend.

So it was a lot of fun because I would go do something and then talk to my sister. about it and they'd give me feedback. And I'd go do something and they talk to my sisters. So it was a lot of fun because me and my three sisters all got to go through that process together. And would you say that you were kind of invested in making it through, like where you try-harding in terms of wanting to be in the show or how did you relate to this possibility? That's a great question, honestly.

I once I've asked me that. I think I just wanted to have fun and be myself because there wasn't like you can't really fake anything through that many processes, especially once you're on camera 24 seven like I get some people can put up a front you know for a day or two or maybe even some weeks but it gets to a point where it's like you're on two three hours of sleep and you just can't fake it no more like so there's really just have to genuinely be yourself with the entire process are you going to get there and flop or get there and be called a fraud so it's really just like i had a lot of fun with it because i love forming connections meeting people laughing joking and

all that so the whole process was fun for me because i got to go chop it up with the producers oh this is how i am this is what i like whoopty-whoop and then go voice note my sister just, yo, had another meeting, went great, met at a cafe, stuff like that. And so when you say you're sleeping two to three hours a night, how does that work? Like, why are you only? Yeah, so in the villa, oh, man, Doc, you didn't even know.

In the villa, I'm telling you, like, bro, like, we probably average four or five hours of sleep at night. Like, there was nights where, because they just want to, I'm not going to throw shit. It's just like, um. Like, what are you all doing all day? It's like this. I'll take it today. We wake up.

At sun, right after sunrise, we cook. Great. Yeah, it's cool, calm. But we're going to bed three, four a.m. And the whole time, we don't know what time it is. Like, we don't know what time it is the entire time. Like, a block for nothing. Okay, okay.

That's super cool. So they don't provide you with any. It's not cool. No, though. Bro, our synchadian rhythm is cooked because the bedroom, there's no sunlight. So our synchating rhythm is fried. Like the whole show. Because we don't get to see sunrise and we don't get to see sunset unless we actually see it

because we stayed up filming so late or so early. Wait, so I'm confused. Do you, you don't go outside? No, we go outside, but our bedroom is blocked off from sun. It's just like lights, like LEDs.

Okay. We'll wake up, have no idea what time it is, you know, get ready, go make breakfast, try to pull people for chats, play ping pong,

stuff like that. And then we'll take a huge block of the day so, you know, get ready and then we'll go have like a date night thing outside. I don't know to describe it. Yeah. Some days we're waking. up like the night charlie went home it was from 6 a.m. to 6 a.m. day because we did a

10.4 hour a day and then we had two or three hours of sleep and then we had to do a date the next day so some days were treacherous like that some days we got to sleep in but overall it was an amazing experience and I'm forever grateful it was just taught me a lot about myself how how long was the whole experience for me um I was two weeks uh in the hotel before I went to the island of the villa and then I was in the villa for three weeks, got booted, and then stayed another week in the hotel, and then flew home. So it was six total weeks for me. Okay. So like three weeks of sleep deprivation? Yeah. It's funny because like after I got outside the villa, I'm like, oh, I was surviving on four or five.

I can do this. And then I realized quickly, like, well, actually took me a while to realize it. It's like that's not smart or the healthiest way. It's like, no, you need to get back to your eight, seven hours of sleep because just because you were doing it before doesn't mean it's right. And so the premise of the show is that you're trying to find love? Yeah, yeah. And what's that like? It's fun. It's interesting.

Like, it's so fun to get to new people because I love talking to people and getting to know new people. So it was a lot of fun to, like, talk to a girl, you know, get to know them and just like laugh, I guess. Like, I just like to have fun. So it was definitely interesting, like being on camera and mic'd up 24-7. But at the day, it was just a lot of fun. And so, I mean, did you, I guess if you don't feel comfortable answering is totally fine, but do you feel like you experience love while you were there? This episode is brought to you by Redfin.

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What do you think? Nah, I definitely had a lot of fun. There's a lot of great moments, but I had a roller coaster of an experience. But my chat, no comment, my chat said no comment. I had a roller coaster of an experience. But at the day, I had a lot of fun, formed a lot of connections I'll have for the rest of my life. So I'm very happy with it. So that sounds like no.

I did not. I did not find love. I found a lot of awesome homes, though, but no, no love. What do you think? Did other people find love? Yeah, yeah. There's some couples right now that may not have it. Yeah.

So what do you think is the reason you didn't find love? I would say the reason I didn't find love is because, And I don't mean to put that on you. Like you failed. You're good. I'm like, I'm really curious about like, you know, in a situation like this, how does someone find love? Like what determines whether someone finds love or not?

You know? That's a great question. It's literally like you try talking to a girl. You see if you're compatible. If you are, you pursue it. If you're not, you go find someone else. And there's always new people being brought in. It's kind of like speed dating on camera on like 24-7.

Yeah. Okay. And so are you, and when you say compatible, what makes people compatible? I would say just good conversations, values, and stuff like that. Conversations and values. And you keep on using the word fun. Can you tell me what that word means? I would say fun means laughs and creating good memories.

Okay. So laughs and good memories, but not. So lots of laughs, lots of good memories. Yeah. But not necessarily compatibility or having the same, like wanting the same things from life. Or what do you mean by values? In terms of a connection there, like me personally, like I want a girl that has the same value as me. Like, you know, family oriented, believes in something.

You don't have to believe in the same religion as me, but at least as long as you believe in something. And, you know, things along those lines, you know, getting, you know, self-betterment and stuff like that. What is family oriented? Are you okay with this line of questioning? I know you want to talk about like we can talk about insomnia and stuff whenever you want to. Okay, yeah, a couple more is fine. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. So, so we can, you know, just, I'm just, I'm super curious because I, I don't know. They're not love to answer. Yeah. So, so when you say family oriented, what does that mean? for me a girl that is close with their family you know what I'm saying and I don't really know what exactly that looks like but I just love a girl that has as close to their family cares about her family because I'm super family much like my family is the best part about me so it's like I just want to have a girl that has those similar values because it means like a lot to me so

it'd be weird if you're like don't care about your family and I do you care about so much especially like if I have a kid with you accent you're just essentially like So how do you assess whether someone is close to their family or not? I guess asking them. I think I asked them and then I see how much, like, they hang out with them and the way they talk about them, honestly. Like, if they say, oh, like, even when that talks ill about their family, like, oh, my sister's such a, my mom, such a whoop-de-whoop, that's immediate red flag.

Gotcha. Definitely how they talk about them. And how, like, honestly, how people treat, like, this is very common, but how people treat, like, waiters, stuff like that, how they talk to people out of, if they say, please when they order food or thank you and stuff like that. Just little things like that. And what does that mean to you? What does that indicate? How well you treat a human being? Because I feel like I don't care what you label yourself. You can label yourself the most this or that or nothing. But I feel like at the end of the day,

it's how you treat somebody. Like, I don't care if you're the most religious, non-religious. Like, that's amazing. But it's like, it's how, to me, personally, it's how you embody that and treat somebody at the end of the day. Because like, you can say, whoop, do you? who I donate a million dollars a year. I'm so close. I go to church, whoop, religion aside, like, whatever you want to say,

I'm this, that, and the third, it's like, but for me, it's not about what you say, it's like how you show it. Like, I feel like being the best example is that is showing who you are instead of saying,

do this, do this, I do this, I do that. It's like, just show instead of, like, tell. Yeah, I'm with you there. I notice you say whoop-de-whoop a lot. Oh, I do? Yeah. Whoop-de-whoop means,

here's what I'm on, how I'm interpreting it. That means, like, Kind of like yada, yada, yada, but in a positive way, like, isn't, you kind of talk it up a little bit, but okay. Pop up. Okay. Yeah. And you said values are important to you, so it sounds like some kind of relationship with some sort of spiritual inclination is important to you?

Yeah, because honestly, like, I'm super, I'm not really religious, but I love my relationship with God. Like, that's what I care about. I don't label myself anything. I go to a Christian church, like, what I care about is my. relationship with God and do I show him a godly person? Because you can be the most diehard X, Y, Z religion. But if you don't personally, if you don't show that or embody that, then it don't, not, no, don't matter, but it's like, I'm going to show you how much I love God, how close I'm a God, by how I act, how I take care of my family, how I treat my friends, how I, you know, X, Y, and Z.

So it's like, that's what means the world to me is like, you can, one, my partner, I want them to I don't want them to believe in nothing. You know, you could be, you know, Muslim, you could be cat. Like, I just want you to believe in something. You know, you don't have to believe in the same thing as me. You know, I'll never push my buyers onto somebody. But at the end of the day, for my compality-wise, we got to be able to believe in something together. No, I don't mean to...

No, you're good. So here's honestly the thought that I had. I don't mean to downplay that. I'm really fascinated by that. But the thought that just pops into my head, how the fuck are you, are you single right now? Yeah. How? How is a guy like this single? Like, what the fuck, man?

Okay, let me just... Sorry if I'm, if the, let me know if the profanity is not okay. But, no, you're good. You're like, like, like, so like, look, here's what I'm, here's what I'm seeing. Here's what I'm hearing. Okay. Yeah. Okay.

Just, just, just bear with me, Jeremiah. Just bear with me. Okay. So there's like this whole like dating and mating crisis going on right now. Enter Jeremiah Brown. Profession. Literally. Model.

enjoys getting to know people, has been a day trader, is family oriented, treats waiters and waitresses as well, enjoys forming connections with other human beings, has a relationship with God tries to embody good things, is not pushy for his values. So it sounds like you're professionally doing pretty well, sounds like you're physically attractive, sounds like you're not a prick, bluntly. Right? Sounds like you're caring. You have a good relationship with your family. Sounds like you have three sisters. So I imagine that your experience, your understanding of a woman's experience is pretty good. You've also probably been socialized pretty well around like women and things like that. Like I imagine that you're not like if you had to go buy like tampons or hygienic products for a menstrual period, that would not be an issue for you? Would it be an issue for you? Maybe I'm not. No, I've already been, like, my sister called me. Right. Right.

So, like, and so what I'm seeing is, like, I'm seeing part, pardon my language here. Let me know if this comes across as judgmental. You're a catch. Thank you. I appreciate it. Right. So I'm not saying it as a compliment. I'm not trying to.

No, I know. I know. I appreciate you. Like, like, like, what I'm, what I'm seeing and hearing is that you're a catch. And how are you single? I think, like, there's definitely been some leaked. I've definitely. form some amazing relationships outside the villa after.

But the thing is, like, my time, that's what I'm talking about later is time management and sleep and diet. I just don't, I want to give the person I'm with, like, the world, like, all the time, you know, not all the time, but like proper time, proper everything. And I feel like right now I can't do that because I want to take care of my family. I want to build my book club. I want to stream. Like, I want to build, like, something that matters, you know, like merch and, like,

charity, like ways to help people. and help people through my book club. And so it's like I don't feel like right now I have the proper time to invest myself in a relationship to give what the other person deserves from me. And what do, so let's talk about time now. Does that work? Yeah, of course.

I mean, I think it's a great like. So first of all, what does someone deserve from you? I would say, just like love and attention and just like things like, like spontaneous things and dates and stuff. And I just feel like right now with my schedule, it'd be really hard to do that because I love doing all that stuff in a relationship. I just need to get myself right first and my family right and my schedule right and, you know, get more consistent with how I do things in my life. And right now it would just be all over the place because I wouldn't be able to see them for three weeks, which is fine.

But I just, I don't have like the brain, the mental capacity to like do that right now. And where is your mental? What, what, where is your mental capacity right now? I would say it's great. honestly, it was rough a couple days ago. But I'm in therapy, so I talked to my therapist about it. And it was really just diet and sleep because, again, I was in that mindset, like, oh, I was good with four or five hours of sleep. And then it's like, you know, wake up, go to bed on the phone, wake up on the phone, stuff like that.

So it's like yesterday, I ordered a multivitamin, like a really good one that actually works that she recommended. I ordered a meal prep service. So I'll be getting seven, no, sorry, I'll be getting 14 meals a week. So lunch and dinner because I kind of don't eat breakfast because of the gym. And then 30 grams of protein average a meal. So I'm going to get my body right, my mind right, get my vitamins right. Because lack of B12, she was telling me you can produce as anxiety. Because some days I'll wake up and I'll feel like everything I have to do today is a 911 when it's not.

Like I'll just have like meetings and handle this and handle that. But I'll wake up and I'll feel like I'm underwater even though I'm not. Like there's no fires I got to put out. So that was what I was going through because I'd be like great for a week. and then one day I'd wake up and of a sudden everything I have to do is on fire. But then I'd like realize it. So just dealing with that and starting with a morning routine and a diet. Because yesterday I woke up and hit the gym. I went in the pool for like five minutes. I walked to the grocery store, got healthy-ass breakfast. And yesterday was phenomenal. Today I feel

phenomenal. I woke up to hit the gym again. So I think just like not waking up and sitting on my phone and then getting better sleep so I can, you know, wake up and hit the gym. Like that's personally like the best way to start my day. You totally agree, man. I'm a bit curious. So you mentioned B12. Is it okay if I ask you? Do you know if you ever got tested for B12? Do you have a B12 deficiency? No, I don't think I do, because my diet was so fire before the bill of like I'm shopping once a week. I'm going to Trader Joe's trying to trade of Joe's. Let's do a deal. I'm like cooking it all the time, you know, fruit, salmon, beef and all that. But I haven't I haven't gone to the grocery store once since I got back. And I haven't cooked once since I got back. So,

I'm taking beef liver, but obviously it's not enough. And I'm going to do labs right now. I don't have health insurance, but I got an LLC now. So I'm going to get health insurance soon. And then I'll do my labs 100% because she recommended that too. So I only think I do right now because of my diet. Maybe, maybe. Yeah.

So I mean, it could be, right? So I think it's worthwhile to get labs done and things like that. But usually if you're eating, I mean, B12 is something that we see a lot with people who are like vegan. So if you have like animal dairy sources of like, if you're eating like animal protein B12 deficiency is very uncommon. Okay, okay. And I was having a bad day. No, I mean, I think it's useful to, you know, try this stuff and multivitamin

usually doesn't hurt or anything like that. So I'm a bit curious. So it sounds like you've already discovered that, you know, waking up first thing and being on your phone doesn't help. No. When you say you wake up and you kind of feel underwater, what is, what is, what do you mean by that? It would be like, right now I can tell the difference in my day.

because sometimes I'll wake up and I won't hit the gym and I'll just be in my phone for the first 30 minutes in my day and I'll see the emails. I'll see the text and it's all blessings. But it'll just overwhelm me because I would spend too much time on my phone and then my schedule gets backed up. But when I go to the gym, when I wake up really and go to the gym, it's like my me time. Because the rest of the day, I love my days, but some of the time it's not always like me time. You know what I'm saying? Like I'm doing stuff. So like when I wake up and I can hit the gym for an hour, hour and a half,

and then go dip my feet in the pool and get some sunlight, box at the grocery store, you know, get some healthy eats. Like, it's just like so resetting because I'm such a habit-oriented person before. Like, I love doing spontaneous things and, you know, rocking with the flow. But before I got in the villa, I was waking up, like, almost every day at 7, 7.30, hitting the gym and then doing my day. And that's what my body, mentally and physically is what I need. And I have not been doing that.

But the second I got back into doing it today and yesterday, like, consistent me, it's been amazing. Okay. And so it sounds like you have a lot of things that you want to do. You want to stream. You have a book club merch. Yeah. So tell me, can you tell me a little bit about what you have like going on? Like, what does a day in your life look like? So for example, today I have this amazing stream and then I have a merch meeting at 12 at noon, I think, to see, like, I'm going to do some Jer bear merch. And then that'll go alongside the book club. And then later tonight, I have a basketball stream and I'm meeting with my financial advisor today. But yeah, the main things I have is a book club on Instagram and TikTok and Discord. And, you know, we're the Jerbares. Shout out the Jerbares.

What does that mean? what is it what is your book club yeah oh basically jerry bears like my community that's jeremiah bears okay cool yeah yeah essentially that's the name he chose and um so basically we'll meet once or twice a month on ticot live to talk about the book we're reading i'll pull people up and we'll talk about um the book etc etc and then actually tomorrow from 11 to 2 the last bookstore in downtown LA, we're doing a, I'm doing an in-person book event, so I'll go there, I'll read some books,

I'll sign books, I'm going to talk to everyone who goes there, I'm going to give out some things, walk around the bookstore, check people out, and stuff like that. What kind of books do you read in your book club? Right now we're reading The Song of Achilles, because I want to try something new, but starting, the next book we'll probably be, I'm going to make it more personal because anyone can read any book, but I'm going to make more personal. And a lot of people ask him, like, yo, how did you do, how did you compose yourself and handle yourself in this situation in the villa and outside and how are you like you know how i say

do certain things so i think actually i know september 2nd when we choose a new book it'll probably be like my top five books that helped me go through the things i went through in the villa and didn't like snap so um yeah next week we're gonna we're gonna choose like a top five and that would be like the four agreements ego is enemy um the obstacles the way the subtle art of not giving a fuck when things fall apart by Pima, mindset, books like that. So your book club is mostly nonfiction? Yeah, the first book we did was fiction because we wanted to try it, fiction fantasy, but then next book, it'll be self-mastery.

Interesting. And that's, can I think for a second? Yeah, of course, of course. I now understand why you commented on my bookshelf. Yeah, I'm a big, big, big, book. I'm just thinking, okay? No, you're good, yeah. What do you like about books?

I think what I like about books is getting better because basically the way I got into books is my uncle owned a comic book shop when I was a kid. So every time we'd go to Portland, I'll stop by and get, you know, amulet, cap and underpay, like Totoro, manga, all that stuff. And then high school, we had something called AR reading. So we would read a book and take a test and get points. And I love free stuff. Like, you know what I'm saying?

So, like pizza and like this classic book fair. So I'd always read and then take tests on it and get points so I can stack up candy and stuff like that. And then I stopped reading in college because I was doing college work. I'm not going to read and do college work. That's insane. But then basically COVID hit. And I always walked around kind of like animosity. Like I used to be like an angry.

I used to like being angry even though I hated it. Does that make sense? Like in high school, like I would, was it like a. guy, but like, I would just, sometimes I'll just walk around with anger. I wouldn't, like, directly towards nobody, but I'll just be like, I'm angry and I like being angry. It was just weird. So then when COVID hit and I was stuck in the crib, I was like, damn, like, I can't be

angry just sitting in the crib, it's time. I'm going to go insane. So then I found, through day trading, actually, I found Stoicism and Ryan Holiday. So those are the first books I read, you know, Robert Green. So it was kind of just like, you know, I don't like how I feel. How can I do something about it? And then I found, you know, stoicism, like, get one percent better a day. All the, you know, Marcus Rulius quotes about, you know, anxiety and Seneca and hepatitis.

And, like, all those quotes really resonated with me. And then, yeah, that's why I've gone treating with self-mastery and, like, mindset, like, Carol Dweck or Sherwoodwick. Sorry if I've read her name. Yeah. Carol. Just books like that. It's like getting, being able to read something and implement it in, like, the seven habits of highly effective people, like empathetic listening. That, when I learned that, bro, like, connections and how to win, how to win friends and

influenced people by Dale Carnegie, that book totally changed my career because I'll meet somebody on set, learn their name, never forget it. And at the end of the day, y'all, thank you, Mike. Thank you, share it. And they'll be like, oh, I can see it in their faces how much it means to me that I remember their name and something like, oh, their kid or their car. We'll do, oh, how's the kid? How's your dog? So it was like being able to like read something, put it into my life and then see how it makes other people happy and affects them was like life changing for me. Because it made me feel better. It helped my career and it put a smile on someone's face. And for me, that's like the biggest thing ever. Because even before a love I, like, all I love to do was like make people smile and laugh,

whether it's roasting you or supporting you. It was just like being able to read something, implement it. And then like watching them, like recognize what I did is like is priceless. Yeah. So can I ask a couple questions about that? And how are you feeling about the direction to this conversation? Do you want to be talking about something else? No, whatever you want to do, I'm having the boss. Yeah, so, I mean, because I know we were talking a little bit about, we talked a little bit about insomnia and being on your phone. So we can, I mean, the thing I'm confused about is, so when we kind of talked about, it seems like you sort of have that under control. Like you felt underwater, you're working with a therapist, you kind of got your shit sort of in order and you're like in a good place now.

So I'm just sort of going where I feel curious about. Yeah, yeah. But if you want to talk about like insomnia and. like staying up late, like I'm more than happy to. Okay, I bet. But, yeah, so just let me know. So here's what I'm kind of curious about. I think a lot of people read books.

Yeah. But then they don't put it into practice. And it sounds like you put things into practice quite a bit. I try to my best, yeah. How do you do that? For a while, it was lock screens. It was lock screens. it was notes.

It was, I have a success board in my room and I put my favorite quotes on it. Like, you choose the Fs you give. Like, Mark Mets, like,

you can only give so many Fs, like you can't care about too much and just, like, quotes. So first of all, like a lot of self mastery books can feel like quotes. And when I first read the four agreements, that's how it felt to me.

It was four rules. But then I went back and listened to it and it kind of like put it in my brain, like, don't take everything personally. So I would say, say the number one way I would implement it, would like read it, read it, and then literally go and try it as hard as that sounds. Like, I would write, I forgot the quote from it. Oh,

first seek to understand, then to be understood. So I would just, I would have it as my lock screen around my notes. And the next time I had a conversation with someone, I would look out for myself, make it about myself. Because a lot of, this is one thing I noticed now. And it actually makes me upset because of how much I notice it. Like, if I have a conversation with somebody or vice versa, and it's like, yo, I'm going through a hard time. This is happening to me. A lot of people think that the best way to help him is trying to relate when a lot of times that's not the best. Like, yo, my cat just died. I'm really going through it. And someone's like, yo, I know how you feel. My cat died two years ago. You'll get through this. And then the person's like, what the fuck?

Like, I'm sorry, your cat died, but this isn't about you. So that for me was a big game changer in personal connections because instead of saying trying to relate, that's not what people want. They went, oh, man, I'm so sorry. How can I help? Oh, how are you feeling? And stuff like that. So the second I stopped doing that, I felt better because people always, I'm going through this right now.

And then people always want to say, oh, you'll be okay. Because I went through it. And they're like, bro, this ain't, like, I'm sorry you went through it, but this ain't about you. Like, I'm feeling like this. And so that was something I noticed right away changed my conversations because a lot of people think that's being a good friend, a good listener. When reality, people just want it to be about them, rightfully so, because they're

going through it. look right now. They don't want to hear about what you went through right now because they're going through it. And they just want you to be there for them and not talk about yourself. So once I started putting all like what I care about when someone's going to do something about them, that also made all my connections way better. Yes, that's so interesting. So I'm, I'm hearing something different, I think, from what you're saying. So I know that sounds weird, but I think I think you're saying it. So you mentioned lock screen. Can you tell me what you like you put quotes on your lock screen?

Yeah. Oh my God. So I have 50 different lock screens, right? And they always know this one right now. I have like my niece, my sister, my family, cars I want to get house on and I get like. I have every like affirmation, manifestation, all that. So like half my family is half everything else. Well this right now it says if you're tired, then do it tired.

Right. So today I woke up dumb tired. Like I want to sleep in and be, you know, the most alert and away for the stream. But I was like, no, what? Even if I can go hit the gym for an hour, I'm going to go hit the gym for an hour. So I literally, like, said, okay, I'm tired, but I'm going to do it tired. So I drank my pre-workout and I went to hit the gym. So just like that, I wake up and I see, well, I didn't see that one this morning because it's every hour.

But I remember, I see it enough, right? So it says, oh, if you're tired, do it tired. So I woke up, I hit the gym tired. So I always try to put the lock screens or sticky notes or notes in my phone. And I read out my wall as well. I said my whiteboard, essentially. So it also sounds, okay, so here's what I'm, I'm going to try. So I see immense value in this conversation that I didn't see when we started, which is not to say that the original, there's not value to everything else.

But I think that, I think we live in a world where people always want to get better. Yes. They try to get better. They consume a lot of content about getting better. And they don't necessarily get better. Yeah. So what I think is truly exceptional about you is that when you try to get better, it sounds like you get better. And once again, I'm not trying to glaze or anything like that.

Yeah, I know. You know, it's just like the number of people who apply, you know, seek first to be, seek first to understand then to be understood. I think that's Dale Carnegie. Yep. And so, you know, like people read all these books, but the application is not there. Yeah. And so what I'm really curious about is like you're a process. of application, because it sounds like when you read a book, there is some kind of impact.

And it's hilarious that you were talking about, you know, doing it tired. So give me a second. I literally was doing a little bit of writing yesterday, and I literally wrote about that. Let me see if I can find it. Yeah, I don't. I think I was writing a little bit about how what's, going to hold you back is your capacity to do things when you're tired. Yeah. Yeah. It's huge.

It's really scary. So, you know, I've been trying to understand this a lot. And next month, it's funny. Like, we're trying to plan. We have a membership over here at H.E. And we're trying to plan for next month. And basically, it's like members will select the topics that we work on. And so they had all these, like, topics.

And I was looking at everything. And I was like, this is basically all like application problems. everyone's like, I don't know where to start. I don't know how to practically apply what I'm learning. So it's like they have all this information, but they struggle to put it into action. So I started thinking about, okay, like instead of these individual topics, like, I don't know how to meditate, like where do I start?

I don't know how to, you know, build a social circle. Like, where do I start? So there are all these like principles about socialization will teach, principles about meditation will teach. And then people like, I don't know how to act. So I was sort of thinking about it. it from a meta perspective and being like, okay, I need to teach people like how to engage in action, basically. So that's sort of what I'm working on now. And then there were two or three

things that I was working on yesterday. One is a lot of people don't realize this, but when you feel tired, there are two or three things that could be going on. One is you're physically tired. So fatigue could be a physiologic signal. The levels of adenosine in your brain sort of signal tiredness and caffeine blocks adenosine receptors so you don't feel tired even though you are tired. So there are physiologic causes of tiredness, absolutely. But then what a lot of people don't realize is that tiredness can also come. Tiredness is a craving for dopamine.

So there's something really beautiful. So I was like, you know, paying attention to my kids. And my kids are like, I'm like, oh, yeah, you know, let's clean up for 15 minutes before bed. And they're like, oh, I'm so tired. I have no energy. They flop down. And then I'm like, okay, fine, that's fine. If you don't want to, if you guys are too tired, y'all can go to bed.

I'm going to watch a movie. And then suddenly they have energy. Yeah, that's crazy. It's really interesting because if you want to understand physiology and neuroscience, I think the best place to learn is to observe kids because kids are not socially conditioned. So they're like bodies and brains don't have all this like conditioning layered on top. So they kind of function in a more like basic biological. sense. So it's really interesting because tiredness is the subjective feeling of a dopamine craving.

Yeah. Okay. So when your brain, when you, when you crave calories, you, that feels like hunger, when you crave, when your sodium balances off, you may crave water, right? So what is the feeling of a dopaminergic deficit? It's actually tiredness. That's crazy. And then when you feel tired. So then what usually happens when people feel tired, they'll default to seeking dopaminergic activities. So when I feel tired, what do I do? I lay down on my bed. I pull out my phone. It's actually a dopamine craving because what is the craving of dopamine feel like? It's kind of a such, because we all talk about dopamine, what does it feel like when you crave dopamine? Like tiredness is at the top of the list. Yeah. Tiredness is also your brain's way of

discouraging action when it does not see a good outcome. So like if I don't believe that studying, if like if I don't, I don't think that studying will get me an A, then I'll feel tired when I'm faced with studying. So there's another really dangerous thing about tiredness, which is that tiredness increases if you're pessimistic. If your brain's calculations about the value of actions that you take, what's the value of working out. Well, if I work out, I'm still like, I'm not financially stable. So, like, it's not enough. So I see this a lot. That's so real. That's so real. This feeling of like,

it's not enough. So like, there's so many people who are stuck in life because any step forward is not going to be enough to solve their problems. And so if it's not enough, then your brain will tell you don't waste energy. And the way that your brain tells you not to waste energy is it makes you feel tired. So there's all kinds of stuff about. tiredness and so I love that that lock screen that you have because tiredness actually is not a reason to not act it's very dangerous because if you don't act when you were tired you were actually training your brain to give into tiredness and then your brain learns oh wow like this is how I'm gonna like if

I don't think this is if your brain is making a calculation that this is not a good idea which is not the same as you thinking from like a higher level perspective oh I should do this yeah Brain is like, no, it's not worth it. Then it's going to make you feel tired. And then you're going to feel more and more vulnerable to tired. And what you'll find is you're feeling more and more tired, even though you're doing fewer and fewer things. It's so weird, right?

It's crazy. Like, the less you do, the more tired you feel. And then everyone's like, oh, I can't do this because I'm tired. No, no, no. You're training your brain in the wrong way. You need to learn how to do things when you're tired. When you're tired. So what I try to do, and literally I was doing this yesterday is like, like, you know, if you game, I don't know if you game.

but like there's always like, oh, like one more game, like one more round. Like let's queue up one more time, right? And so now when I try to work, like I have a ton of work that I have to do. And so I'm fatigued. But it's like, okay, like how much can I push myself? Can I work for five more minutes? Can I work for one more hour? Like, you know, how much can I work?

Can I work when I'm tired? And the moment that you're capable of working when you're tired, then your life is in your hands. It's like, it's crazy. So I love, you know, it just, it's funny because I was like literally thinking about this stuff and reading papers about it and stuff last night. And then I see this thing on your lock screen. So I was, I got excited. No, that makes me, bro, that makes me excited that you're excited, right? Yeah.

And so going back to, you know, it's interesting because it sounds like when you read something like literally how do you read it and what do you do after you read it. Okay. I think the most, what I want to say, that's so real because, bro, like, just to touch on that real quick, when I was, like, depressed in, like, the tail end of college, like, I didn't go to the gym because I was like, this is so sad. I'm great. Now, that's, like, years ago. I was like, what's the point of working out if I don't even want to, like, not want to be here, but I'm like, what's the point of working out if I don't like my life. Like, who cares what I look like if I don't even want to be here? So that's so real about how when you don't care about one thing, it just backlashes. And I love the quote, like, The best time to start was yesterday and the second best time to start is today. And like all the atomic habits that things that James Clear talks about. But to answer your question, like I think the most basic example would be I would read the object. The object is the way. Obstacle is the way. Sorry.

Yeah. I was like, I didn't sound like. Yeah. The obstacle is the way by Ryan Holiday. And so boom. I would read that book. And I would just try to pull out a couple things per book. And so the next time I'm

I'll read it and the next time I was When you say pull out a couple of things What does that process look like? It looks like, okay In the book, they'll give an example About something that is unfortunate But you're blessed to go through So for example, the best way

I implemented that would I be in traffic And I'd get mad I'm in traffic. Damn, I hate traffic And then I would think Okay, I just read this book I'm going to tell myself It's a blessing to have a car I could be on a bus, you feel me?

I could be walking. I could be Uber and so I was like, okay, you know what? This traffic is a blessing. And it's different than toxic positivity. It's not that. It sounds like, but it's not that. Traffic sucks. You acknowledge that it sucks.

Like, game, traffic sucks, but I am so blessed to even have a car to be in traffic. And it's not faking, being happy. It's not, I love traffic. It's just traffic sucks. Damn. But hey, you know what? At least I got a car to get me there. At least I have somewhere to go.

You feel me? At least I woke up this morning. So it's not toxic positivity. It's just acknowledging things on the back end that you can acknowledge. Like traffic's always going to suck. I don't want you to, you don't have to fake being happy. Yeah, it sucks. But it's okay that it sucks. Like, okay, it's cool. Traffic sucks for show. But hey, shit, at least I got a car. At least I'm driving to work. You feel me? Because I'd be complaining about going to photo shoots. I'm like, damn, I'm complaining about traffic. What I get to do what I love for a living? That's insane. Like traffic going to suck. But I mean, that's part of life. You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? So it's like little things like that like, oh, the obstacles away. Like, boom, I broke my foot and had to borrow money from my mom like a year and a half ago. Like it sucked. It was one of the hardest points in my life. But at the end of the day, like, the obstacle is the way. And it's like, I'm not going to.

And it's not lying or pretending to be okay or that this is okay. It's just acknowledging that it sucks. But this is what I must go through. You know what I'm saying? So after I broke my foot a month later, I booked my, my big. it's commercial. So it's just, or a month and a half later. So it's just, it's not toxic positivity. It's acknowledging that this is bad, like, oh, traffic sucks. But it's just having something on the back end to know, like, this is something you must go through and it's okay that you're going

through this and just try to find the things around it that give you that gratitude. Yeah. So I'm feeling a calling in this conversation to try to translate what you say. Okay. So I love that. So I think it's so great because people wonder, you know, what is toxic positivity? What isn't toxic positivity? And pardon me for mansplaining. But I think it's, you really hit on it.

So I think a lot of times what people don't realize is toxic positivity, you said this. It's just, I've heard it in a particular way. Toxic positivity is pretending that something negative is positive, right? Exactly. And I think what you're actually doing is fascinating. It's so interesting that you sort of stumbled into this or figured this out or studied it or whatever, but you're adding context to the situation. So if we look at the nature of human suffering, the more zoomed in you are, the more you will suffer. So in this moment, oh my God, I'm in traffic.

I hate traffic. Traffic is never fun. It's never good. So literally what happens is there's a zooming in that happens where that's all that is in your vision is this negative thing. And then as you, it's interesting, what your, your cognitive reframe, your cognitive process, which you do in your head, is to add context. Yeah. Even though this thing is bad, what is the context? Like what, like literally what you're doing is zooming out.

I'm stuck in traffic on the way to a job interview. I'm stuck in traffic on the way to like a photo shoot. I'm stuck in traffic. And what is the context? I have a car. And when we add that kind of context, when we literally zoom out, what it does is it adds context. we sort of take a step back from it. It seems like there's a lot of gratitude.

So the kind of context that you add seems to be gratitude focused, but there are other parts of it too that are really fascinating. And so when you add that context, that is what takes the bite out of the traffic. And what's really fascinating is if you look at the severity of mental illness, what we discover is that the more severe the mental illness, the more zoomed in people are. So in the cases of people who are delusional or psychotic, what is in their head is literally all they see.

They can't get away from their thoughts. They can't get away from their hallucinating, right? So their mind is literally occupied by that. So like you have, you know, delusions. And then you'll have people who are, you know, as you cross, like, then you go through the sort of borderline phase, which is like on the border of psychosis and neurosis, which is kind of on the border of like delusional and, angelesis. which is kind of on the border of like delusional and anxiety, which is what people with BPD have borderline personality disorder. And then you get into anxiety, which is less severe than psychosis.

And the thing about anxiety is you're able to zoom out a little bit more. It's not 100% real. And then when you really start to treat people with anxiety, what you do is you help them zoom out even more. Okay, you're worried about this. Like, let's take a step back. Let's look at the big picture. Like, let's understand just because your mind is predicting this danger,

just because it's a possibility. doesn't mean that it's a probability and we do all this work and we help them zoom out more and more and more. So it sounds like you're very good at applying context. And then the last thing that I thought was really fascinating is, you know, you're talking about obstacle is the way. I kind of think about that in terms of karma. So one of the things, when I'm really working with someone intensely, one of the things that I try to help them understand is that you shouldn't run away from things that suck. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. And this is something that you have to go through.

So like you have somewhere in your karmic chart or whatever the fuck, who knows if that's real or not. But like somewhere you have certain things that you have to get on the other side of. You have to get to the light at the end of the tunnel. That means going through the tunnel. And oftentimes when we avoid the tunnel, it catches up to us and it just lengthens. Yeah. So even some spiritual teachers that will, like one of my spiritual. spiritual teachers had me go through a lot of karma, like very intentionally.

They're like, start doing all the shit that you need to do. Just start embracing it and get through, get through the other side. There's a certain amount of, I don't know if this makes sense. There's a certain amount of suck that you signed yourself up for based on your actions in the past or whatever comes from past life or whatever God wills, whatever. Right. So you, like your actions, the way that you lived yesterday, the way that you lived a month ago, that your choices a year ago, those things have purchased.

A certain amount of suck. So if I haven't worked out, then I'm going to, that's purchased low self-esteem. That's purchased hating going to the gym. That's purchased a body that feels tired when you wake up in the morning. All of the actions that you've taken have purchased this amount of suck. And the only way to go through that, if we think about how do I reverse that scenario, I have to go through that from like a Newton's third law perspective. I have to get my ass to the gym.

It's going to suck. And the more that I make things suck, the more I pay off those karmic debts, you have to be careful because I can get into some toxic sort of things going on there. Yeah, yeah, that's what you do is. Yeah, you sort of start to create suck because that means you're doing better, but not necessarily. And so you sort of have to like work through that karma. And then as you work through that karma, there's like good stuff on the other side. So it's so interesting to just hear you talk because it's like, it mirrors so much of what I try to teach and what I've discovered too, which is super cool.

It's like great. It's awesome. I love that. Yeah, no, touch on that point, exactly, because it's like going to the gym is hard, being out of shape is hard. You know what I'm saying? Eating unhealthy is going to be hard because you're going to feel it. You're going to look like it.

You know, eating. I'm sorry. Yeah, unhealthy. So eating healthy is hard because it costs more. You got to cook more. So it's like, it's like, I love the quote saying, choose your art. It's like, are you going to do the hard work at the gym or are you going to do the hard work at the gym? Are you going to do the hard work going up a flight of stairs in your heart, you know, and trying to breathe?

So it's just, it's just on that point. Yeah, I just, I try to embody that because I couldn't agree more with, yeah, like you, the best things in life are on the, like, there's a cool idea. Like, the best things in life are on the opposite side of fear. Like, when I skydived for my graduation gift to myself, the cool I used was the best things in life on the opposite side of fear. So, like, I can't agree with you more. It's like everything you want in life, everything in life is like a problem. or it's hard. So it's like, are you going to choose this, like choose better, like Mark Manson says,

life is just better problems. You know what I'm saying? You have money problems at 20,000 a year. You have money problems at 200,000 a year. So everything in life is just choosing problems and trying to have better problems. You want to have the problem of meeting a specialist once a week because you don't work out and you have bad heart health or you don't want the problem of waking up early and hitting the gym.

You know, do you want the problem of a sore body or a big body? You know what I'm saying? Not, no, hey, but I'm just saying like there's this in life, I feel like you choose your problems and you just want to choose the best problems. The best problem for me is waking up early and going to the gym versus feeling so bad up in my mind. Yeah. So I want to kind of go back to what are two things? So it sounds like, first of all, when you read, you're really thinking about, so a couple things.

One is it sounds like you sometimes consume a book more than once. And what is the time window between reading a book? the first time and then like listening it to it on audio. That has only happened a handful of times. The main one would be the four agreements. I read it during college. Like, I see like four years ago I read it.

Like three to four years ago, I read it. And at the time, I loved it, but it was just a bunch of rules. And then my therapist recommended that there's this two book combo that is the most life changing. If I had to give anyone a two book combo

for the rest of my life, it would be the four agreements and then things fall apart. Like reading those two books together. It was right after my relationship ended and right before I went into the villa and it was the most beautiful two book combo ever because the four agreements teaches you things like don't think don't take things personally. I'm going to blink on them now, of course, but that's like my favorite one. There's three other ones. Don't spit poison. Oh, do your best always. And then when things fall apart, it teaches you about something called cool loneliness. I don't know how familiar with that book, but it's one of the best books ever written. When Things Fall Apart by Pima Chedron, I believe. It's heavily Buddhist, and it's phenomenal. And she just basically, that book is, the best thing I got out of it is a lot of people hate being alone or I think it's a bad thing or, like, I think being alone is bad or try

to run away from sadness. But it's basically like that book is kind of like Mark Manson, but it's like, one, being alone is awesome, like learn to love it and sit with it. And like being sad is okay. Being angry is okay. And the more you try to escape that feeling by. doing what you usually do to escape that feeling, it's actually hurts you in the long run. So she was like, when you feel sad, you know, sit with it.

Yeah, I'm sad today. I'll be right tomorrow. Okay, I'm sad tomorrow. In two days, I'll be eye. You know what I'm saying? So it's like that book totally changed my life. And so to answer your question, sorry, I got sidetrack. The answer question, I've only done it two or three times, but I went back and

listened to the four agreements after I read things fell apart because it didn't feel like rules anymore. It felt like a mindset. I think that's the hardest part about self mastery books is getting your brain to think about rule one, two, three instead of this is how I operate now. So that for me is like the hardest transition that I focus on. It's like, okay, this isn't a rule book. This is things that I need to learn and practice every day so it becomes second nature and not like, oh, oh shit. Okay, what was the third agreement? Okay, it was this. Let me go do this. Like, I just wanted to be seamlessly like, you know, into my brain. Like, okay, I'm I'm not going to take that personally because that comment that someone just said about me

is how they feel about themselves and it has everything they do with themselves and not me. So I'm hearing that you think very intentionally about how do I practice? Yeah, I try to. How do I practice what I am reading? So you pick two or three things that really resonate with you and you intentionally try to practice them? Mm-hmm. Okay. It also sounds like you feed your sensory organs quite.

a bit with this stuff. Right? So it's not like one and done. It's like you have your board in your room. You have your lock screen. So this is like it, you know, it's so interesting because when we think about like advertising, right. So the whole point of advertising is people will try to like carpet bomb your attention with a

particular thing. And so I don't know if nowadays it's like Labuboos or Dubai chocolate or whatever. I'm confused about all that stuff. But right. So like the whole point is like saturate. your attention and the more that you saturate your attention, the more that your mind will think in a particular way. So I see that you craft a system to saturate your attention. So there's intentional reading. There is how do I practice and then there's the saturation of your attention

with concepts that you want to work on. 100%. Am I missing something? Yeah, no. And then I try remember the quote, garbage in, garbage out. So like if I'm, if I wake up, lock screen. Okay, do it when you're tired. The obstacle is away. I wake up. I'm brushing my teeth. I got things right here. Stillness is the key.

Ego is the enemy. That's me brushing my teeth. I quit that. And then I get out. I'm looking at my wall. Healthy bind, healthy soul. I'm like reading my quotes. Okay, boom.

So before I'm even out the door, I already got three or four hits of what I want to consume. So for me, it's like if I consume that, then I'll eventually, you know, put that out. And it's more than just reading quotes. Like, I'll take that quote and I say, okay, I have to practice that because you could read. So like you said, you can read a million self-help books, but if you don't, are self-mastry books, but if you don't do it, then it's useless.

So it's like, okay, to this week, I want to focus on this. This month, this day, I want to focus on this. Okay, today, the obstacle is the way. Everything that happens to me today is a blessing. Oh, damn. I'm late to the, I wait to the gym. Okay, I'm late, but at least I'm here, you feel me? So it's just like I try to just try to focus on one thing at a time and build that muscle.

If that makes sense, like I said, this morning, I woke up. I'm tired. Okay, today I'm going to practice. If you're tired, do it tired. Okay, boom, I did that. And I try, like, the honesty, because people can try to do too much at once. And that's why I love atomic habits because you want to start running. Don't go run a mile today.

Put your shoes by the door and go walk. You feel me? Go walk for a week. Okay. Then walk a mile. jock a little bit, you feel me? So it's just like, that slow grind is the best because it's the same with the gym. Like, my friends are me, stop going to the gym. Everybody wants to go back in the gym and go crazy the first day. I haven't made to the gym in the month. I got to go crazy today.

When in reality, you're shooting yourself in the foot because you're going to be so sore and fatigue tomorrow that you're not going to want to go back. So when you go back to the gym after missing one month, two months, three months, you're sick, you go light. You just get the reps and you go light you go hit a light workout you just just do enough so you can show up the next day because you don't want to go back in there after missing a month and do the most because then you're going to turn yourself off from going you don't want to like when people learn to run if you say i'm going to learn to run to run and you go run two miles you're going to be effed up the next day and then you're not going to run again so you have to baby yourself into whatever habit you want to do

so if you read a self help book okay today this week i'm a focus on chapter one through five Today, I'm going to practice gratitude through all this shit I hate. Like, oh, damn, this sucks. My coffee's cold. You know what? Coffee's cold. It'll be hot tomorrow. I'm not going to make this coffee room my day because a lot of people like, oh,

don't talk until I have my coffee and just stuff like that. So it's really just focusing on a couple of things at a time so you can actually implement them. You don't want to read a whole book and then try to implement the whole book in a day or in a week. Like you want to take out the things that you can actually implement and set yourself up for success just like if you're learning to run, just like it. if you learn to work out, just like if you're going to the gym.

That makes sense. Makes a lot of sense. I'm thinking. Actually, can I go to the bathroom real quick? Because I care so much and I don't have to think about the bathroom. I'll be right back. Go, go, go. I'll be right back.

Chat, thank you for all the subs while I was missing. Care I be. Thank you for the gifted. I'll be right back, go. So I think there's a lot of great comments and questions. How do I know if I'm really tired or just dopamine tired? I think this is a really good example of a completely unproductive question, not trying to burn someone here, but what difference does it make?

So you all have to be careful about the way that the mind works, right? So when we're introducing this concept of dopamine- I feel so much better. When we're sort of looking at tired or dopamine-tired, which one are you? Right. So just notice where the mind goes. The mind goes to like which one is it, not action irrespective of which one it is. That's where the money is.

So you have to be super careful because oftentimes asking that question is a path to inaction. Right? What difference does it make? Okay. So Jeremiah, I'm loving this, but I'm going to kind of let you drive. I mean, I have a couple of other questions if you want to go there. But like if you have questions for me, I want to give you the chance. Otherwise, I can keep asking you things.

Um Whatever you want to do Honestly I've had a lot of fun So I just whatever you want to do Because whatever you're doing right now It's been so fun So I have a kind of a weird question Yeah

Who are you Like how do you understand what Like what you are and who you are Um I would say that I'm just like Um Someone that I'm someone that

I've because I want to keep it like career outside of the career titles. I would just say I'm someone that just likes to have fun, like to spend time with my family and likes to just get better and make people around me better the best way I can and help people around. And how old are you? That's a crazy question. I'm 25.

Okay. Okay. I think that makes sense. Yeah. I was just... Who are you? I am that which explains. experiences my life is how I would. I think I'm just like a bundle of I would say that I'm probably like a

monitor on which there are pixels and you know we we we think that the what's on the screen is what's real but what's real is the monitor. So I think that you know in the past I have identified as like a man, a doctor, a father, things like that. I think really at the core of it I'm none of those things. I'm just that which experiences the life that I'm living. So at my core, I'm really nothing. So I think my most fundamental experience of myself is like empty. Okay. And so I, yeah.

Is that confusing for you? No, I think most people think that's like pessimistic or negative, but it's not meant to be like that way. No, it's wonderful. So if you sort of think about. it, stuff is what really makes us upset. Yeah. So, so like, and I, I don't know if this, so I, you know, you remember how we were talking about the more zoomed in, you are, the more things suffer.

So, so as you zoom out more and more and more, you sort of like, my experience of it is that I get to a place of like basically emptiness, where if you zoom out far enough, there's like nothing, right? So it's just all just like stuff. So in the way of like traffic, like traffic like really doesn't matter. Like you said, tomorrow, today's my coffee is cold. Tomorrow, my coffee may be warm or it may be cold. And then at some point maybe warm coffee will come.

But in this moment, cold coffee does not bother me. Yeah, it's okay. So the more that you zoom out from yourself, the more that you can say like, okay, like whether I'm a doctor at the top of my class or bottom of my class, whether I'm a dad, whether I'm single, whether I'm ugly, whether I'm sick, whether I'm not sick. for me, nausea was a really hard one. So all this like kind of philosophy and thinking stopped short when I got violently, nauseously ill. And then a couple years ago, that sort of changed. And I tried really hard to be okay with nausea.

And then that was big for me. But I think that the, yeah, I mean, I'm just, really, I'm, I'm just kind of like this bundle of consciousness that experiences all of the things in Alloaks life. And like, that's really what I am. So I think all of the properties that you would apply to me, I think I embody those in some way, but it's not really who I am. Yeah. That's powerful. That's powerful because, yeah.

Dang. Because I think people fall in love with labels, especially with social media. Like, you'll click on someone's bio. And I'm guilty of this, too. Not saying it's a bad thing, but you'll click on someone's bio and it'll say entrepreneur, fitness coach, this, that you'll have like seven tidings. So I think to just, and people would think it's like a bad thing. Like you say you're empty, but you still, that doesn't mean you don't experience joy or pain or anything like that. So I think it's very powerful that you have that.

That's like, yeah. So, so I mean, I think all that stuff is going to come, right? So joy will come, pain will come. All that is going to be dependent somewhat on my karma. But as far as who I am, I'm just that which experiences my life. Everything else changes. So like, you know, I was me before I was. a father. Yeah. And I'm me after I was a father. So that can't be truly what I am. I was me before I was a

doctor. And I'm me after I'm a doctor. So that truly can't be what I am. So what is the most constant aspect of who I am? It's just I'm the one who's living my life. That's really who I am. And all the things that I think are my life are not really it. Really the only thing that, the only thing that is truly constant in my life is that I'm never living yours and you're never living mine. I'm the one who's just in this machine. And then all the things, all the happiness, all the sadness, all the desires, all the striving for and all that kind of stuff. That's just in the machine. It's not really me. Yeah. Oh my God. That's relating to a book. I think it's when things fall apart. That's so beautiful. Oh my God. That's something I wanted to say. No, that's so beautiful.

Oh my gosh. No. Wait. Okay. Go back before you said, that's not really me. What did you say? Oh, yes, the title thing. That's so real because boom, if you invest all your, like who you are as a title, like, I'm a doctor. I'm a doctor. I'm a doctor. And then you get stripped of that some way, ship or form. It'll be the most catastrophic identity crisis ever. So I love how you don't put your value or who you are into labels that can be taken away. Like that's so. beautiful and like goals like okay I'm not I can't be like oh I'm Jeremiah I'm a moral content creator because if that stops then I'm Jeremiah in the sentence ends you know so I think it's really inspirational that you take away all those labels because then today that's just stuff that the machine's doing and that's not like who we are absolutely right so I think that there's a lot of stuff it doesn't surprise me that when things fall apart I mean this is what I think is really interesting about a lot of what you're saying is that I think there's a couple of

of like concepts that they fall back to. So one is ego or in the, in the Eastern system, we use the word, aham, gara, or it's the feeling of I. So this is like, when you say, I am dot, dot, dot, dot, anything that comes after the dot, dot, dot, is actually your ego. It's not really what you are, because those things change, right? So I'm a loser. I'm a winner.

I'm, right? So I'm a doctor. And the more that you attach yourself to your identity, you know, and I, I became a doctor and then the medical board was investigating me for concerns, then maybe I would have lost my license and stuff. And those are all good things. Those are healthy things. No. Hey, y'all. Just a reminder that in addition to these awesome videos, we have a ton of tools and resources to help you grow and overcome the challenges that you face. We've got things like Dr.

Kay's Guide to Mental Health, personalized coaching programs, and things like free community events and other sorts of tools to help you no matter where you are on your mental health journal. So check out the link in the description below and back to the video. And then let's do this. And I think we're good. All right, we're back. Sorry. We're back.

Yeah, so I was just saying we were talking about ego. And yeah, so spot on that. I think when we attach ourselves to a particular identity and then that identity gets threatened, there's a ton of suffering. Have you heard of the book? Oh, sorry. Yeah, go ahead. I was going to say, there's a book I read right before I went to the villa. I think it's how to stop overthinking by doing.

Joseph Nguyen. It was like a random TikTok book I got. And it was basically saying, like, thoughts aren't the problem, but thinking is. Like, for example, like, you get a thought and it's like, oh, I might lose my job tomorrow. And it depends, like, what you do with the thought that if you suffer or not. Because, like, you could go down that rabbit hole and think for an hour, like, oh, I might lose my job. Then this will happen. Then this will happen. Then this will happen. And instead of just, like, like, stopping at the thought, you can, thinking is what causes our suffering, not things that happened to us or thoughts. It's the actual thinking. And it was like, the quote that stuck with me was like, think about the five best moments of your life and think

about the five worst moments of your life. How much were you thinking or in your head during the five worst moments and how much were you thinking or in your head during the five? Jaby back? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we're back. Okay. So what were we talking about? I forget. Oh, yeah, you were talking about thinking is the problem. Yes. And I was, last thing I said was, um, Think about the five best moments in your life and the five worst moments in your life. How much were you in your head or thinking about something, X, Y, Z, during the worst moments, and how much when you're head during your best moments? Your best moments, you were probably not thinking.

And if you were thinking, it was probably after the best moment happened. Like, oh, this, like, you went to a concert and, like, it was one of the best moments your life. You're at this crazy concert. And you're not really in your head. You're present. And so when you think about your worst moments, like, you get fired and you're thinking about what that means to be fired, etc. So that's just something that resonated with me because I used to pride myself as being

logical and an overthinker and I love to think and I'm so analytical to woo. And it's like actually no, like so much happiness is generated when you're not thinking. Yeah. So I think that that's a very, very, very important principle. And so, you know, I think it's funny because people say like, oh, what is happiness? and then they'll come up with all kinds of problems. I don't think, I mean, all kinds of answers, right? They'll say, oh, like, happiness is being with your family.

I don't think that's actually true. I think you can define happiness in a very, like, technical way. So happiness tends to be stillness of stillness of the internal instrument. And there's a really simple experiment that you can run for that, which is like you think about any time you're, like, let's say I get hungry. And then what happens? So hunger creates a disturbance. It creates some kind of fluctuation within my mind.

It creates some kind of activity. I walk down the street, I smell someone grilling a hot dog, and now I want that hot dog. So now there's fluctuations within my mind. If I eat the hot dog, what happens? The fluctuations disappear. So any desire that we have is a fluctuate. It's literally activity in the mind.

And when we satisfy our desires, that leads to a cessation of that activity. So what we call contentment, literally what is the state of contentment? Contentment is a state of stillness more than anything else. And you can also see this like when you watch a sunset or something like that, right? There are moments, actually a really good one. Not sure if you're familiar with this or not, but orgasm is a really, really, really good example. Because orgasm is actually a moment of pure stillness.

So like before the orgasm, there's a lot of activity. and then after the orgasm, there can be a lot of activity. But during those moments, it's a pretty no-mind state. We're just fully present with our experience, and we're not really like thinking about anything. And so I think this person is spot on that, and this is something that's been understood in yoga for a long time, that generally speaking, it's not the thought itself. And this is something that I think Western science is catching up on. So in Western science, we focus a lot on the content, the content of thoughts.

So are you anxious? Are you depressed? What is your self-esteem? We're now starting to focus more and more on the pattern of thinking. So you can have terrible self-esteem, but it is your dwelling in it that causes the suffering. Yes, yes, yes, yes. So I think it's what you think about the thing. Yeah.

So, and I think there's a lot of stuff there. I think another big thing that we sort of miss is the difference between doing and happening. This is sort of like tangential. Yeah. But we tend to focus a lot in the West on doing, but we don't focus on what's happening. So every time I'm tired, right, depending on how I relate to that, tired, something happens. My actions create a happening within me. And the happening is actually what dictates my life.

So, for example, like, if I'm tired and I get on my phone, or if I'm tired and I go to the gym, what is the happening that happens when I do a particular thing? And oh God, AI tried to answer my question. So I think this is something that we miss a lot, which is like if you're stuck in life, what you should really think about is for every action you take, what is happening within you.

Because people will say like, oh, you know, people will give advice, oh, you should do this, you should do this, just go to the gym, read self-help books. But if people don't, if people don't, if people start going to the gym and reading self-help books, they may not end up where you are because it is not the doing, it is the happening.

I don't know if that makes kind of. It does. I think a lot of these books take some of these, in my opinion, some of these core central concepts. And it makes sense if, if, you know, there's a book on anxiety,

if there's a book by, you know, a Buddhist monk, they're going to be, like, relating to these concepts in some way. Even stoicism, I think there's a couple of core things that you can sort of talk about.

But I think it's doing happening one is a big one that I think really gets people confused because they think that the duplication of the action is what is going to lead to the result. But I can agree more. But anyway, yeah. So I'm a bit discombobulated with all the stream shutting down and turning back on. But I think we're good now. No, you're good. That's that. I love how you touching that because you can go to the gym every day for a year.

But that's the doing. But if you're not taking account into what's happening, like, oh, I'm not getting stronger. I'm not getting bigger. Then you have to look at the bigger pictures. So I really resonate with that because you can go to the gym for as long as you want. But if you're not eating right, if you're not properly resting, if you're not hitting the right muscle groups at the right time. If you're, you know, et cetera, et cetera. There's like you can do a million things.

But if you're not getting results, then you're not looking at what is happening. So that was a really great refresher because sometimes I know I get caught up into doing like the hustler, like the toxic hustler mentality. So it's like, it is about what you're doing, but you need to focus on what's happening. Because if you're doing something and nothing's happening, then you're not really doing nothing. Yeah, what do you mean by toxic hustler? I think like right now there's like a go, go, go, I'll sleep when I'm dead kind of mentality in the world. And I used to really, I still believe in a lot of that. And I'm trying to get out of that because sleep is the most important thing in the entire world.

So I'm like trending away from when I'll sleep when I'm dead to I need my 78 hours of sleep. so I can enjoy my life because you don't want to go through this life like on bad you can be tired you can get good sleep and still be tired and vice versa so I want I say this to say not to be tired my whole life but like I need sleep effects like diet how you feel so for me it's like I need to get good sleep so I can be a hustler and not just be like I got to hustle three hours of asleep and hustle I feel like that that's toxic and I feel like that's what's pushed onto a lot of social media and Americans and people in the world world in general, it's like if you're not, if you're sleeping, then you're doing something wrong, you shouldn't be sleeping, you should be grinding,

should be hustling. It's like, no, sleeping is the like the most important thing in your life to do. So you need to sleep so you can hustle properly and just stuff like that. What's the value of hustling properly? I would say that you can do it clear ahead of it because like, yeah, you can stay up and grind, but I feel like your best work is not done. Because I want to separate this from doing stuff while tired versus terrible sleep because you have to do things. The difference in your life, like you said, is going to, and David Goggins said too, like the difference in your life is going to be doing things while you're tired.

But you don't want to, like, validate your poor sleeping schedule with that sentence. You don't want to be like, I got a hustle. So three to four hours of sleep at night is perfect for me. It's like, no, there's going to be nights if you get bad sleep, but you need to be aiming for seven, eight hours of sleep. Like I spoke to an Olympian, Ezra, he's a two-time global Olympian, and he gets eight to 10 hours of sleep a night. And he's an Olympic trainer. So, like, there's people that are way more busy than you that are still getting seven to eight hours of sleep. So you need to be taking care of your sleep schedule because like body, like body temperature regulation, your diet and you're eating pad.

Like, everything is off of sleep. So, like, for me, I'm just now realizing how. I'm what I'm what I was kind of curious about is like what's the value of hustling like so so you want to optimize your hustling right oh yeah I would just say getting being productive and I think sometimes I'll sacrifice sleep to be productive when in the long run I'm hurting myself but but what's the value of being productive and not you know money and like building something and taking care of my family and stuff like that yeah what what do you what attracts you What attracts you to those things?

These are sound like your values. Yeah, I would say one, comfortable living, two, being able to take care of people I love. Like my, for example, my sister is my social media manager and she gets 10% of everything and she just had a baby. So being able to, my niece, be able to go to any college or trade school or start a business when she's 18, not go to school. I think things like that. And obviously myself, like I like nice things, like comfortable living. so selfishly things like that too. So I was just saying one, being able to change my life and two, you know, being able to change my friend, my family's life.

Like in a week, all my friends are coming out and I can get them at Airbnb now and we can all hang out and go to a concert together, amazing tickets. So just doing things like that is why, like, I grind like the way I do. Sounds wonderful. Sounds like people are very lucky to have you in their life. I try my best. I try my best. I try my best. Yeah. You have questions for me, Jeremiah, and anything that you want to talk about?

Because I know I've been sort of running the show here in terms of I've been asking a lot of questions. Yes, I definitely do. I would say, what do you think is like the, right? I think right now, I'll tell you some of my struggles, actually. Right now, like, I think phone addiction and validating that with, it's how my business, it's my business. It's me. It's my brand. I think I'm validating a lot of my.

phone addiction with it being my career and my job and my communication. There's so many people. And I would say sleep, like reiterating how important sleep is. Because I can say it, but again, if it's the doing and the happening all over again. So it's like, I would say like just ways to get off the phone, get my morning right, and stuff like that. That's why I think I struggle with the most right now is even though it's been good, today and yesterday. And at times, I would say like morning routine, phone addiction, little

anxiety, stuff like that. How, why would you say that's broad? There's like broad spectrums of things. I mean, to me it sounded pretty specific. So what do you mean by phone addiction? For example, last night, I'm saying, yo, I'm going to bed at 12. But then I get out the shower at 1145. Damn, I want more time to be in my phone. Okay, I'm going to live at 1215. And then I'll get a phone call. Oh, shit.

Now it's 12.30. Damn, I didn't get, I didn't get to go through my mentions. I got to go through my TikTok mentions, you know, talk to the people, see what people are posting. Boom. All of a sudden, I went from going to bed at 12 to 1 just because of my phone. And it's like, I don't want to keep getting caught in that cycle. Because I need to realize there's always going to be something to do on my phone. Like there is, because before I'm hella, not OCD, but I'm particular, when it comes to my

notifications and my screen. I don't like having red bubbles. I don't like having nothing on my, like this thingy. I'll see, this is one of my lockschings being my sisters. I don't like having any of this. Like, I'm going to get through all of that later. Like, I don't like having anything on my phone. It's so weird and it's very unrealistic. But I need to understand that there will always be something to do in my phone, whether it's my mentions, tags, texts, snaps chats, DM. Like, there's always going to be something to do on my phone. And I'm a people pleaser, which I'm working on. So I'm trying to get off my phone and put myself, my sleep, my eating my life first before replying to somebody or going through my mentions or tag photos. I think that's the number

one thing I struggle with is I got a lot better since leaving the villa, but like a little guilty not replying to people. Like it's gotten a lot better. Like now it's like if I'm busy, I'm busy. But I would say just like, yeah, putting myself first over my phone. So you use the phrase I need to understand a fair amount, right? So I need to understand that like there's always going to be work to do on my phone, for example. What does that mean you need to understand? I think when I say I need to understand, I need to not, because I do understand it. I see what you're saying. I need to embodiment that understanding. Like instead of talking about it, I need to show through my actions in my routine, in my habits, that there's always going to be something to do on my phone.

Therefore, get that extra hour asleep because whatever you're going to do in your phone, you can do tomorrow. Or you might not get to it. You're not going to be able to get to everything. What makes it hard for you to embody your understanding? I love interacting with people. I love watching what I'm tagged in. I love talking to people in the comments. I love doing all that. I have a lot of fun doing it, and sometimes I get caught up in it. and like I like to scroll like before the villa I wasn't on TikTok and I liked the scroll

so it's like I just enjoy it and again it's a dopamine rush before I go to bed so yeah okay and do you want to change this that's another topic it's like there's a lot of people talk about

something they don't like to do but they don't actually want to change it or you would like it until it gets to a point but no I genuinely I genuinely want my own phone time right now is like, I don't want to say it. My phone time right now is insane.

So I generally want to get it down. What makes you not want to say it? Oh, I'll say it's like 10 hours right now. Average time per day? Yeah. That's a lot. Average in the U.S. is like somewhere around six hours. Yeah, I got it down to that before the villa.

But yeah, I know my screen time. I'm telling you, let me pull it up, okay. Yeah. Last week was, last week's was nine hours and 20 minutes. The week before that was nine hours and 50 minutes. The week before that was nine hours. Yeah. This week is nine hours.

How do you spend your time? What's your app breakdown? I'll go for this week. 11 hours on TikTok, 10 hours on Snapchat, eight hours on messages, six hours on Instagram, three hours Safari. Okay. So I think there's two or three ways to approach this.

They're not two or three ways. There are two or three steps to approaching this. So any time you're trying to make a behavior, behavioral change, you can approach things from the drivers in the environment. So really, really simple, right? So if we're thinking about, like, someone who's addicted to alcohol, if they have alcohol in the house, if they continue hanging out with their friends at bars, if they, there's an environmental influence for things that we're addicted to, and they're the reasons that

they drink. So reasons that they drink could be like emotional avoidance, could be. So the people that tend to have the most difficulty with addictions are people for whom the addiction is not a problem. It's a solution. So like marijuana addiction is a really good example. The hardest addictions that I've had to treat are when people say, when I smoke marijuana, it lets me feel normal. So like I just want to be normal. Like I just want to live the life that everybody else gets to live.

I want to be able to go to dinner with my friends and have a good time. I want to be able to go to dinner with my friends and not be caught up in my head. I want to be able to just live a regular normal life. So I think a couple of things to understand. One is that, you know, the phone is designed to be addictive. It's like it's not a shortcoming on your part. Like that's the way that it's designed. And when people start using TikTok, the whole thing, the whole point of TikTok is once you start using it, you don't stop using it.

That's what it's there for. So I think that this becomes incredibly difficult for whom, for people who have a reason to start TikTok. So like if you're in the social media space, TikTok is a part of your job. And since it's a part of your job, they get you started on it. And this is where, you know, the worst thing that ever happened in the development of the cell phone is sticking Outlook on the cell phone. The moment that we started putting Outlook on the cell phone, Slack on the cell phone. Oh, work stuff. Yes, yes.

Right. So because the transition, it's sort of like, like we're going to get you in the door to the casino with a $5.99 all you can eat buffet with filet mignon and crab legs. We're going to get you in the door for a good reason. And then you're going to make so much money on the buffet. but then you're going to hit the tables, you're going to hit the slots, and it's going to be fine for us. So I think that there's two big angles here. One is you've got to think a little bit about,

let's start with the environmental angle. So the first thing that I would strongly, strongly consider doing is altering your notifications. Yeah. Second thing, including like shutting them off. Now, this becomes a problem because you're saying, like, but I need to work. And this gets a little bit tricky if you're like an influencer or something like that. but altering your notifications, maybe shutting off your notifications.

There may be settings to shut off notifications or hide notifications after a certain time. So that could be another thing that you can use. Gray scale. Yeah, go ahead. Real quick. Bro, that's so real. Because on TikTok, I don't have notifications,

but it's still my most used app. And two, when I turned my Snapchat notifications off, I would find myself opening and refreshing to see if whoever I was talking to or the group chat had replied. Yep. I did, I turned off my Snapchat notification. like two weeks. And then I found myself like, oh, did someone so replied? Let me go check. And I'm like, damn, I'm still falling into the same thing. But I think I need to turn them off

and like come up with times that like I have time to reply, not replying on someone else's time. Like, okay, like for the next 10 minutes, every so-and-so hours, I'm going to go on my Snapchat. You know what I'm saying? Because we post a lot on Snapchat because it's a very good source of income. I was like, I'm on Snapchat all the time posting. So I'm still, I'm delegating that more now to my tech guy, but it's like, yeah, that's a great. I need to turn notifications off and then. So when I did that, I had the synapsis of going and getting the dopamine by, oh, did they hit me up? Did they reply?

Did this happen? So I need to work on that. Yeah. So this is why it's like kind of multifactorial. It's not as simple as turning off notifications. Notifications will definitely help. Second thing that you can do is turn your phone on grayscale. So turning your phone on gray scale, like reduce the cell phone usage between 10 and 40%.

So like black and white phone? Yes. Bro, that's insane. That's insane. You will, so the most common experience after you turn your, your phone on gray scale is you hate it. You're going to hate using your phone. Your phone is going to be ugly. And like, like, this is your brain crying for dopamine.

It's going to be like, you know, it's like, it's like when someone's addicted to fast food and you give them a salad, like technically they're eating, but they don't feel satisfied. Yeah. So I think the average reduction, when. you say hell no, why not? No, I'm saying the salad and fast food. Oh, bro, gray scale. You can't see colors, bro. That's so scary.

Wait, so in my chat said they've been on Grayscale for three years. It works so good. Yep, it's very effective. That's insane. It's very effective at reducing your addiction to your phone. But that's also like, if you're addicted to alcohol and I say water down your alcohol with, like, water, it's not going to do it for you anymore. Right?

So that's going to be your experience of changing it to gray scale is going to be very, very difficult. So this is where I think you should apply all of your stoic learnings, all of your Buddhist learnings and things like that. Right. So it's easy to apply it in traffic, hard to apply it when it's on your phone, right? Right. Okay. My phone black and white. Okay.

That's crazy settings, display and text, gray scale. I'm going to try it later. I'm probably, honestly, I'm not going to probably keep it because I'm going to tweak. But I'll definitely try it and throw it on later. So how do you understand? and why you're not going to keep it. I love colors and I like, I'm a little kid, bro. Like, I like, I don't know.

I just can't imagine. I brought, because I do, I like photographs. Like, I do a lot of content. Like, I post on Instagram all the time and I got to see, I'm going to justify it, but I got to see, like, if the colors are right, the shades and like the stuff like that. So you feel me? Like, I got to make sure content. Sure.

Sure. So that's an option. It sounds like that's maybe a bridge too far right now, which is totally fine. Another thing that I think you're leaning into, which is really good is I think a lot of times, like, especially if you're in the social media space, so we have like this creator coaching program and we've worked with like hundreds of creators. And one of the things that we find is that setting a dedicated time for like work social media is like different from like fun social media to separate out work from fun. So this is where like removing TikTok from your phone and stick it on your computer And when you're sitting down to work Like go through TikTok I don't know Snapchat is different But I don't I've never really used the app But the whole point is that it has to be now right

Like you can't I don't know how Snapchat works so It's kind of like communication But I use it The way I use it is like YouTube vlog On your Snapchat story Yeah so however that shit works I don't know

As best as you can think about separating out work from, like, so to work intentionally, right? So like say, okay, I'm sitting down, because the bleed is only going to increase. I don't know exactly like what you're, what you're following is now and stuff like that and how big you are. But as you get bigger, it gets worse, not better. So, so, you know, the demands on you are going to increase more. The ego is going to increase more. The, the amount of validation that you get is going to increase more, like everything is going to get, you're going to get more and more addicted to it. So these are a couple of like simple things, you know, sticking stuff on your desktop, staking things off of your phone, sometimes even getting to the point of having a second phone.

Yeah, I haven't, but it's shit. I'm going to get a new one though. Yeah, I mean, shit could be a step in the right direction. Yeah, no, you're right. I'm going to get the, when the new, I just got a new phone, but when the new iPhone comes out, I'm going to have two and then I'll have one for fun and one for work. That's genius. Yeah. Because I'll post to make, I'll post on Snapchat to make money and then I'll post on Snapchat to make money.

So I blow her, be like, oh, this person hit me up. Let me open it. Exactly. That's the belief. And that's what helps me up. Yeah. So it's like the blending of work and pleasure that creates the loss of the muddy boundaries is what really creates problems. Okay.

That's so good. I had no idea. I mean, I can make sense hearing it, but I never consciously thought about that. So I really appreciate that. I never made that connection. So you got to be super. Just be thoughtful about like how work turns into pleasure and how pleasure turns into work. now we get to then there's one then there's a couple of other things but now let's talk about

you use this beautiful word validating right so like this is the way that you validate your usage so tell me about this like process of internal validation how does that go um basically it's like okay i'm on my phone 10 hours a day but it's how i make my money it's how i change my life it's how I change my family's life so i have to be on my phone all day but i know that there's definitely an extra hour or two or three that i want to do that i want to do that i want to do that i want to do that i want to want to shave off or fix, you know what I'm saying? Because I'll post TikTok and then I'll scroll. And I can be like, oh, I'm scrolling because I need to find the next trends I need to do. And it's just like there's always going to be a reason to be on my phone. And so I will always say I need

to be my phone for that reason. And I need to understand that there's always going to be my phone. But that doesn't mean I need to be in my phone just because there's a reason to do it, whether it's my mentions, replies, tagged photos, like, I need to go on my phone during my time. and not just when notifications pop up or not when I get an alert or not when I get a mention or not when I get all that tab. Right. So you can, so you're very good at structuring your environment. So you seem to be very sensitive to your environment. So on the upside, if you have lock screens and boards that give you positive information, you'll implement them. But that same sensitivity to your environment, see, there's a, there's a thin line between what you're, you see and how you behave, right?

Like, that's the whole point of these lock screens. And you've discovered this about yourself. But a thin line between what you see and how you behave also means that it's very easy for you to spend 10 hours on a day on your phone. Because when you see these things, it activates you. Does that kind of make sense? So I know this is going to sound kind of weird, but like here you are telling me that Snapchat is the way you have a niece.

If you're on Snapchat more, she's more cared for. Yeah, literally. Why on earth would you want to reduce your Snapchat? Is literally the value that matters to you. Yes. Yes. I need to reduce my social Snapchating. Okay.

Because there's posting on Snapchat, which provides the monetary value for my niece. And then there's replying to people I don't need to be replying to, which is not wasting my time, but it's just dopamine hits. What do you like about replying to those people? I love talking to people. I love meaning of people. What do you love about it? It's just fun. Okay.

It's just fun. Yeah, it's just fun because people are hilarious. So I like to interact with people like OED because it's like one of the most fun things about, you know, having a platform is taking pictures of people, talking to people being fun. So it's like posting on Snapchat gets my niece to college, replying to random people doesn't. And I always will post. And then, yeah, run your phone to let your phone run you. So it's just like, yeah, like social, like for fun versus like there's extra time. I can't just be sitting on Snapchat replying to people all day.

That's crazy. You're not doing. You can I do it. Yeah. Yeah. So I think it's worthwhile exploring why you do it. Yeah. Right.

I don't know if it's that simple. Okay. Well, it's definitely a hit of something. Because I get like, oh, I can't wait to reply. I can't wait to reply to this person. I can't wait to see what this person is looking like, et cetera, et cetera. so it's just like stuff like that. Okay.

You can't wait to see how people, what they're doing. Yeah, a little fomo. I was, so what I'm curious about is how important is it for other people to see what you're doing? I would say, humbly, very in the sense of that's my job, which I love to do, is like, people love to see what I'm doing. day in the life. Like Snapchat's like basically a BTS in my life. People like to see that. The feedback I'm getting no ego. Yeah, yeah. I am. What about socially? When you say you love connecting with people and connecting with people is fun,

like how much of that is seeing other people and how much of it is being seen by other people. I'm not talking about professional. Oh. Honestly, I'd say a mix because most of the time if I reply, it's just my shorter. It's your what? Like my shoulder. Like my shoulder. or like I'm gonna, I don't know how to describe it. The huss, okay, my chance is truly. No, it's like, yeah, it's like talking to people on Snap. I just need to minimize that because I get distracted easily and I ended up just talking to people all day where I don't. Yeah, so what, what do you like about talking to people all day?

I don't know. It's just, I think it's just like a hit of something. Okay. So, so, I mean, it can be, sometimes it can be sufficient to just say, I need to do it less, setting some like hard boundaries about when you talk to people. But like let's be honest, like 1145 is prime time to talk to people because that's when all of us degenerates aren't going to sleep, right? It's when we're like not working and we're like, that's like prime social time.

So I think some of that exploration could be helpful. I think really thinking about, you know, each action you take is wiring you. So it's not just about the cost of like this interaction. So each time you socialize with people and you get that hit of dopamine, I think something that we don't really appreciate. I don't know if this makes sense. Our brain is always learning. So every single day that goes by, our brain is optimizing, optimizing, optimizing, optimizing,

and it is optimizing for what you tell it to optimize for. So a great example of this is like when you forget a language. Forgetting a language is not a problem. It's your brain optimizing. It's your brain saying, this is a thing that we no longer need. So every time that you stay up late, you're teaching your brain something.

And dopamine is how it learns. So this is why it's so easy to teach our brain the wrong things when they involve dopamine, because that's what sort of puts our brain into like rewiring mode. So every day that you're using this stuff, just something to understand is that you're creating a problem for tomorrow.

How did you get to 10 hours a day? You got to 10 hours a day by starting with 8 hours a day, and then it moved to 9 hours a day, and you started with 6 hours a day, and before that it was 5 hours a day, and before that it was 4 hours a day. Right? So, like, all this stuff is like there's a constant programming action of your phone on you. So one thing to really think about is how do I want to be programmed? So I think, Jeremiah, one of your keys to success is you are very good at self-programming. Right?

So you read all these books, you internalize them, you stick them in your senses in your sensory field. And the more that you see it in your sensory field, the more that it inputs. So you're incredible, I'm not surprised at all that, you know, you're up to 10 hours a day because I think you're like very, very, the way that you get programmed by your environment is like super, super high. Yeah. And so I think one thing to really think about is it's not just this moment. This is like if you give in now, you're creating a problem for the next thing. three days. Yeah.

Okay. And then the last thing is, is that, you know, this is this validating thing that you're talking about, this term that you say when you say it's validating, that's your ego. So justifications for bad behaviors are usually done by your ego in some way. Okay. Okay. And then the other thing is that the justification, we say it's ego, that's from an Eastern perspective, from a neuroscientific perspective, it is your brain, it is maybe your dopaminergic

craving, justifying getting the hit. Yeah, 100%. So for you to just recognize that, like, kind of like what you said, right, you'll say this to yourself, which is that you'll always come up with a reason to do it. You'll come up with a valid reason. I don't know, I don't know if this kind of makes sense, but I mean, I explain this a lot when we talk about it, like in Dr. Kay's guide and stuff like that, where we, I sort of offer this Eastern system of like, like,

psychology, which helps you understand what are the parts of your mind, what are the ways that they interact. And basically what happens is your analytical capability can be hijacked by something else. Yeah. So once your capability, once your intellect gets hijacked, then your intellect serves you answers that feel logical. But they're not. Does that kind of make sense? No, it makes a thousand. It makes so much sense. Right. So now this is what you mean by validating. you're justifying this kind of thing. In psychiatry, we call it rationalization. Right?

So you're saying, like, oh, yeah, yeah, sorry, yes. It makes so much sense. But then the question is what's driving it? So, and you can't really argue with it. That's why you sort of get into this situation where, like, on the one hand, you're like, logically, I shouldn't do this. But on the other hand, your brain is telling you logically it's a good idea. And as long as you're fighting on this level, like you're, it's not, you're not

never going to win. It's going to be hard to win. So take a step back and really think about not what the logic. is, but why is your brain telling you this? Exactly. Because it would be like, of course I need to go through my mentions. Like, of course I got to interact, you know, with people that support me. Of course.

Yeah, logically, I need to do that. Okay, do I need to do it right now? Do I need to do it to, do I need to miss out on sleep for it? Do I need to break my habits for it? So I see exactly, we're not exactly. I'm starting to understand more of what you're saying and I hope to implement it. Because that's very true. Like, logically, of course, I had to be doing this.

but at the same time, I don't need to be doing it right now. I don't need to be doing it. I don't need to be missing sleep and messing up my habits and my, like, habits, etc., because of it. Even though it's still true, I should be doing this right now. Is it true? Should I be doing this? Yeah, so I think that plays into another one of your strengths, which is contextualization, right? So you're saying, like, yes, this is true, but let's zoom out.

Yeah. So I think that's going to be hopefully effective for you. The last thing that I would say is when you do it, pay attention to what it's doing for you. And it may be dopamine, but I suspect it could be a little bit more that you may not have super great insight into. So how does it feel to be,

you know, the friend that is always down to talk? How does it feel to like... Yes, I've always been like that. Yes. Right? So how much of it is like what you enjoy and how much of it is like

you are being the person that you want to be? You don't want to, because you mentioned your people, pleaser, right? So you don't want to be, you want to be the person who, when people like text, like you want to be the person who's always down to have fun. You're this person who always loves making connections is always down to have a good time. It's always down. Like you're there, like you're there to vibe. You're there for the good times. You're there for the chill. Right? Like, like, Jeremiah, you try to be. And so what does it feel like to not be that person?

What does it feel like to be, oh man, like Jeremiah, this fucking guy is like, he's becoming like, know, he's, like, becoming this wellness dude, and, like, now he's no fun, and, like, he's not down to have a good time. And, like, now he's, like, not responding to my Snapchat because he's got to wake up at 7 a.m. because he's, like, on his hustle, whatever. And, like, he's changed. And, like, the fame got to his head. And, like, now he's, like, got all these opportunities. And he's, like, doing all his modeling now and all this kind of shit. Yeah. That's so crazy. Yeah, I didn't even think. It's crazy because like oh my god that's so that's so real because before the villa i'll if i could i would always reply

to my friends instantly my family instantly like if i get a text i'm replying to it instantly that's always how i've been and then now it's like my the thing is like i'm so blessed with the best family and friends because my true people are so understanding but like what you just said i didn't even consciously like really wrap my head around but the more you talked about i'm like oh my god damn like i went through a whole different because before Before that villa, I had like 44 followers on TikTok in like 2000 Instagram. So I was never social. I didn't even scroll on TikTok ever.

I did for like three months in 2020 for COVID that never had TikTok. So it's like not being able to be that guy anymore. I didn't even recognize how much of that actually affects me because I did pride myself on always being there for people, replying quickly. If you call me and won't answer every time. you know, if I can't, because I had a very cool schedule. I would work one to two times a week modeling, and then the rest I could reply. I could do essentially a lot, whatever I wanted. And now it's the exact opposite.

And I know that people are understanding. And I don't even really get shit for it besides my own head where it's like, man, before the villa, you get a text, you get a call. You could, if someone wanted to pull up, like, I haven't been able to really see my friends that much. I'm not complaining. It's a blessing. But my friend's like, yo, can you drive 30 minutes to go to my gym?

And I'm like, bro, I'm sorry. I literally can't. I have to wake up, walk to my apartment gym, and walk home. I literally can't spare that extra hour of driving today. So it's like I didn't even recognize how much things like that are affecting me. And now I know to be more aware of it and watch myself around it. So I really can't think of enough for that perspective. Because I knew it was there, but not the way that you just described it.

Yeah. So I'll- So crazy. Yeah. So I think this is what's kind of like hard to understand. So Jeremiah, you used to be one person before the villa. And now you're trying really hard to... Used to have one kind of life before the villa, right?

Yeah. And now you're trying to have a different kind of life, right? Yeah. And so the life that you had made you the person that you were. And so this new life is going to make you into a new person. Yeah. Yeah, 100%. I just like, when you said like he switched, he changed, he doesn't reply now.

I know they don't think that, but the fact... Oh, some of them do. Yeah, it's like, damn. Okay. You're right. At least my really close friends don't, but no, some of my friends' friends, for sure, for sure. Right. And so I think one of the scariest things so hard to deal with, when you improve your life, you frequently leave behind the people that,

used to be your comrades. And that's like hard to do. Like some of them will resent you for it. Right? They'll say like, oh, he changed. Like the fame got to his head. And sometimes it is because the fame got to your head. But sometimes it's because, okay, now like I'm trying to capitalize.

I had this opportunity. I had 44 followers on TikTok. How many followers you have on TikTok now? Like to know. Okay. Right? So like I see that smile on your face. I see the pride.

And that's something like you don't need to be, you don't need to be, you can be proud of that. Yeah. And you are changing into a new person. You have opportunities that you never had before. So how are you going to deal with those? Right. Are you going to pretend that you're going to be like this old person that used to be? No, you're changing into a new person.

You better embrace it. Otherwise, it's going to really mess you up. Maybe you'll be successful and you'll be resentful towards yourself. You'll be resentful towards, no, like, like you are becoming a new person. person, you have an amazing opportunity and grab it. And that means sometimes leaving people behind. Right. And then the people who really want, there are some people you have to sort of leave behind. I'm not saying, and you have to be careful of an ego president. I'm going to leave everybody behind. There are some people who will really want to come with you. And those are the

people that you should bring with you. Right. The people, you're like, hey, look, man, like I'm not staying up till four in the morning playing video games anymore. Like, I'm trying to get my shit together. If you want to try to get your shit together, come with me, bro. Yeah. Right? So I think that kind of stuff is like subtle and it's there and you're in for, frankly, a world to hurt. Like not in a bad way, but like there's going to be a lot of growing up you have to do. And not in the sense that you were immature before, but the world that you're entering into requires an entirely different set of skills to survive, thrive, and be happy in. And is there a lot to be grateful for? Absolutely. But that doesn't mean that it's going to be easy. That's such a gym. Damn, because I keep trying to be that guy I was before. Yeah, you're not. Yeah. And that's not what God wants, right?

So you're like, you're supposed to grow in this way and like don't try to let it get to your head. But there's another interesting way that it gets to your head, which is that you pretend to be what you were. That's actually like you're preserving this ego of this like, oh, I'm this like humble person. I'm this kind of guy. I'm a good guy. I am dot, dot, dot, dot, dot. That's all ego. Yeah.

You can't afford to be the person that you used to be. if you're really trying to craft the life that you want now. And I'm not saying try to be like, you know, become an asshole, but like, it's going to necessitate changes and sacrifices. You're who've been crazy right now. I was trying to like just download this. This is crazy. Say, can you say that again?

Yeah. So I think that if you want to live this life that you're working for, it's going to necessitate sacrificing the person that you used to be. And that doesn't necessarily mean like in a toxic. way, that just means that like a particular life creates a particular kind of person. And this life that you have is going to put a lot of pressure on you and you're going to have to change. And being successful is just the beginning of it.

Being stable, being content, being happy, you know. And it's going to be hard. So you really have to become a new person. And that means like a certain amount of like letting go over the person that you used to be. that's so it's just so crazy because like the one thing that I pride myself on the most which I didn't realize was shooting myself in the foot is being the same guy like there's a song like gunna it's called the same young inward so I'm like yeah I'm the same yeah I'm the same guy I'm the same Jeremiah like I'm still replying I'm still face now I'm the same but then I realized I'm realizing during

I can't be and that doesn't mean I change for the worst and I think that when I think when it comes with change around like fame or clout or numbers it always gets this negative ass connotation so it's like that's why i'm like oh i'll never change i'm the same jeremiah i'll never change but then it's like no i have to change immediately so i can be ironically enough changing will make me better and not change it will make me worse so if i'm the same jeremiah it's going to be worse for everybody involved so it's like changing is actually is way better than not changing because I know I won't change for the worst because of what I am. So it's like, damn, bro.

Yeah, so there's a lot of good stuff there. The first is that it's impossible not to change. 100%. So if you try to hold on, this is true for any part of life. Anyone who tries to hold on to the past, impossible to do. All you're going to do is ruin your present and ruin your future. So the change is happening. The other thing is, so when you say you have to change and I like that you're,

you're like, you know, I'm going to change for the better. This is where I'd frame it. Just offer you a framing. I don't think you've got anything wrong here. But, Jeremiah, you're becoming. You're in a process of becoming. You have to become. And you will, if you do it in the right way, if you accept that this change is necessary.

And this is true for everybody who's listening. All of us are always becoming something else. We're not the same. Our brain is never static. Right? Every day when you go to sleep, you hit control us. And when you wake up and you open whatever the word file is, it's not the same. Your brain makes a lot of changes every time you sleep.

Yes. So you're in a process of becoming. You can't be the person that you can never be the person that you used to be. The question is, what kind of person are you going to turn into tomorrow? You can try to shape that becoming as best as you can. And the best way to ruin what you turn into is to try to hold on to what you used to be. Okay. The worst, say that one more time.

The best way to ruin what you are turning into is to hold on to what you used to be. The best way to ruin what you're turning into is to hold on what you used to be. Yes. That is a fucking gem. That is crazy. The best way to ruin what you're turning into is to hold on to what you used to do. That's exactly what I've been doing to an extent for sure. And I thought it was a good thing.

I thought it was like, yo, I'm not changing. I'm not changing. I'm not changing. But it's, wow, the best way to ruin what you're turning into is what on Twitter used to be. That's beautiful, bro. That's so beautiful. One second. Damn, because you think, like, when you get a level of success, you think, I can't change.

I got to hold it down. I got to say the same. I can't have no one saying I change, whoop-to-woo. But it's like, bro, you can change for the better. Because all, like, the culture of, like, rap, at least through a lot of rap, the culture. of rap it's like oh he changed like you know what I'm saying that around that is like only negative connotation in a pop culture too like no matter what it is it's all negative but like I am gonna change you're right I have changed but it's gonna be for the better yeah I hope so that's beautiful

that's powerful girl I can't thank you enough for that one you're very welcome this feels like a good place to rap yeah I'm gonna go sit with that bro I'm gonna go write it I'm gonna rewrite it put in the notes oh man okay outro oh my god sorry that is so good. I'm so excited for like implementing that now. Well, I'm glad. Okay, I'm like, okay, sorry. No, no, this is great. It's, it's wonderful. I think, you know, a lot of your enthusiasm and your passion is really coming through incredibly flattering from my perspective to be

spinning fire and for you to be amazed by it. You're hooping, bro. Yeah. Yeah, thank you so much for the conversation, Jeremiah. Do you have any like last thoughts or questions? I don't want to kind of leave you hanging, but it feels like a, No, that was like a good place Just kiss, bro. Okay. Well, I'm glad that's what you're doing.

I got so much, I got so much value out of this. So one, I can't thank you and your team for having me. Two, taking the time out of your day to talk to me. Three, the value you gave. Four, asking me just amazing questions and letting me talk about how I implement things. It felt so good to just talk about things to read it to myself. I was like, oh, you know, it is how I wootty-whoop. So, yeah, I can't think.

Thank you enough. I'm so grateful for this. I know my chat absolutely had an amazing time. I can't wait to put this on YouTube and clip it and everything. So yeah. Thank you personally. Thank you. Yeah. For helping me and everyone that has watched. Like this is that was one of my favorite streams ever. Awesome, dude. I mean, I really enjoy talking to you. I think what I really appreciate about talking to you is how we can see a lot of the pieces that are missing for other people. Just the way like even in this last part where, you know, I said something that had an impact for. you and you immediately paused. And you, like, thought about it again and again and again. And I think that this, that what we saw right there is the reason why some people listen to this and don't change. And you read things and you do change.

I think you really slow it down and internalize it in a way that alters, you know, your programming going forward. Like you're like reprogramming there. And we can sort of see it, which is very cool to see. Helped me learn a lot. So thank you so much. And good luck on your journey. you for coming, man.

Likewise, like guys. We'll definitely do this again in like a couple months or whatever, just so we can like, that'd be so fun just to be like how you helped me in like a part two. Like just let me know because that'd be that'd be so fun. Yeah. Sounds great, man. Take care. Likewise.

You want to tell people actually before you just wrap up where people can find you and so it sounds like you're doing a book club like what you've got going on. Yeah. It sounds like you're spreading a lot of good stuff. Yeah, trying to. At find Jeremiah on all socials. book club we got a discord that has like fitness anime gaming book talk everything so it's kind of just like a community of just like trying to be you know uplift each other lean on each other so

yeah that's that's that's what we're about awesome man thank you so much jeremiah take care buddy i have a great day doctor okay um yeah so that's very fascinating it's interesting like i'm literally working on um so i i was i mentioned this to him but it's it's such a good interview because literally this is what I've been working on over the last 48 hours. It's like, there are a lot of people in our community who don't know how to, like, implement stuff. And that's not their fault. There's something missing in terms of implementation.

There's a lot of people out there who are just, like, watching stuff all the time, and they read stuff all the time. And, like, but their fundamentals don't change. So I was trying to think about if this is an insurmountable problem. So if you're someone who watches things on the internet, reads things about self-development and you don't change. Is it theoretically possible to make something on the internet that can help you change? So some people, like Jeremiah, have an internal process where they receive some information,

they work with it in a particular way, and then they change. And the hard thing for me is the way that I changed involved, like, so many supports that people don't have. So I changed it in ashram, which means that I'm like, someone's waking me up at 4.30 every day. There's like a meditation class, like a meditation session that starts at like 445. So I was sort of like put in this structured environment that facilitate a change. They're controlling my diet. They're controlling when I wake up. They're controlling how much yoga I do.

You know, and there are also like other times, I think residency is another really good example of this where it's like kind of trial by fire. Like you don't have a choice but to show up, but to learn how to work when you're fatigued. You have a 24-hour call. And 24-hour call doesn't end at 24 hours. It ends at 28 hours. It ends at 30 hours. It's post-rounding.

You round with the team. You do morning report. Oh, my God, I used to hate morning reports so much. You're exhausted. You've been working for 24 hours. Then you go into room at 7.30. You talk about all the new admits. And then all the attendings, because it's a teaching moment.

they talk about all the things that you did wrong. Right? They're like, oh, yeah, like, so here's what the presentation. They're like, oh, did you think about this? Because now they have to take care of the patient. And they're fresh. They're coming in. They look at all your work.

And they're like, you didn't order this test. You didn't order this test. And you have to do that because you have to learn those things, right? You should have ordered those tests. And you definitely have to do that because then the day team like has to know, okay, we got to like check for EVV. Oh, you didn't order like an STI test. You didn't order like a substance use.

talk screen, but it feels terrible to have to be perfect after 24 hours. What is going on? Okay, that's so loud. What is happening? Three million subs on YouTube? Okay, cool. Thanks for all the support. Makes all those morning reports worth it.

And morning report is great. I love it. It's terrible to go through, but teaches you a lot. You know what the beautiful irony of this is like where, I guess, this is a celebration for 3 million subs. Cool. Thank you guys very much. And then at this point, it's like,

maybe I've learned something just a tiny bit about how to put things in frame. But it's like, no. Maybe. Maybe. Is this a demonstration about how to accept celebrations? It's a bad demonstration. Or compliments.

What compliment? I didn't receive any compliment. I got a congratulations. Yeah. Thank you. Your little one grew three inches overnight. Adorable. Also, expensive. Sell their pint-sized pieces on Deepop and list them in minutes with no selling fees. Because somewhere, a dad refuses to pay full price for the clothes his kids will outgrow tomorrow.

And he's ready to buy your son's entire wardrobe right now. Consider your future growth bird budget, secured. Start selling on Deepop where taste recognizes taste. Payment processing fees and boosting fees still apply. See website for details. I am aware. Thank you very much. Yeah, so I, we can, thank you. Seriously. Can you take this with you? Yeah.

All right. Thank you guys very much. I was ambushed. Can you close the door? Yeah, bye. I have to rant and rave. Yeah, so, you know, people are saying this is a good example of how to accept congratulations. I was just, I mean, my nervous system is hyperactive,

because of the pop. And, you know, yeah, I mean, I think, you know, it's interesting. There's a great study that we did a video recently on intrinsic versus extrinsic motivation. And the really fascinating thing is you have one circuit in the brain. When that circuit is on, you are extrinsically motivated. And when that circuit is off, you are intrinsically motivated. And you literally cannot be extrinsically and intrinsically motivated.

It is one or the other. There's a spectrum. And so the really interesting thing is that, you know, accepting congratulations, I don't, I guess I have difficulty. Because I don't, I don't see it as an achievement. Like, I know it is an achievement. I get that. But that's not what motivates me. That's not what I'm proud of.

like it's a number on a platform that means a lot don't get me wrong it means a lot it means a lot and i have a lot that i'm grateful for but gratitude and pride are two entirely different things let me hit 3k mr then let's no but really i think there's so much work left to do so i will feel good about it like i will feel good about it like when the work is done like we're just getting started. Like, it's an important milestone. I can completely acknowledge that. It's something that we strive for. It's something that we work towards. It's something that the team here has sweated and toiled. But personally, like, there's a lot of work left to do. There is no end to the work. That's not true. There's an end to the work. We're just not there yet. Right? And that's where it's

like, if we're really embodying a lot of what we're talking about it, I mean, we're not going to, Like, is it good? Do it, did I strive for it? Absolutely. Are we now striving for $4 million? Obviously. Right? And then $5 million, whatever.

Like, that's an indicator, but let's put it in the context of what it is, which is like it's not a sign of doing good work. Right? It's a measure of doing the good work, but the work itself is what I take pride in. And the internal experience of it, I love Chad, because chat was like, is this an example of how to accept congratulations? If so, I'm a terrible model for how to accept congratulations. And it really, like, brings this paper to mind.

Let me see if I can find it real quick. However, reports of the undermining effect in which an external reinforcer reduces intrinsic motivation have sparked debate over how extrinsic reinforcers affect internally motivated behaviors. This is, this next sentence is fine. Here's the thing that we really want. Okay, this is the beautiful part. Okay, this is going to be some science trash. So get ready.

First, extrinsic reinforcers have elic, elicited, extrinsic reinforcers have elic amygdala, accec, ventromedial prefrontal cortex, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. That was associated with higher self-reported extrinsic motivation, but lower self-reported intrinsic motivation, right? So extrinsic reinforcers activate these brain regions that's associated with higher self-reported motivation, lower self-reported intrinsic motivation. Okay, here's the cool thing. Report that intrinsic motivation was associated with the deactivation of amygdala, amygdala,

ac, ACC, ACC, and some of these are not exactly the same. This is another piece of evidence linking neural deactivation to intrinsic motivation. Like, when I read this paper, it blew my mind. This is the work that I'm proud of. If you guys want to say, hey, Dr. Kay, congratulations for making a great video, helping us understand extrinsic versus intrinsic motivation. That you will see my smile. That is so cool. And it's so interesting.

So I love it. I appreciate it. I really do. Right? So 3 million subscribers pays the bills in a way that 2 million or 1 million don't. But for me, it's really about the work. Like, I'm about the work. And for y'all to also understand, if you all haven't watched that video, you should definitely check it out.

like and subscribe. But really, like, it's like it blows my mind that we're conditioned our whole life to do what other people want. Get good grades, dress a particular way, go to a good college, impress people with online dating, take good pictures. Everything we're doing is all about the external world and how it perceives us. Be a good boy, be a good girl. And then we wonder why our intrinsic motivation is shot. We wonder, why is it that like, I can't, like, unless there's something that is making me work, I can't work. I'm so lazy. My weekends, I just lay around. I'm in bed on my phone, doom scrolling this. We wonder, and the whole society has programmed us to be extrinsically oriented. Be a cog in the machine. Be a good little boy and a good little girl,

and then we, like, wonder why we struggle with internal motivation. Because anytime we're intrinsically motivated, we get punished for it. No one cares about what you learn. People care about how you perform. And this is the problem, right? And it's like, anyway, another question that I get a lot is whether I have ADHD. This is a common question. So I am, like, pretty confident that if you did a historical diagnosis, I would have ADHD.

So, like, if you, like, if I was assessed and a clinician assessed what my upbringing was like, how my grades were, you know, how I failed and stuff like that, had difficulty focusing, concentrating was hyperactive, couldn't sit still, even with my hands, you guys see I'm still like kind of wiggly. I would have been diagnosed with ADHD. If you tried to assess me now, I don't think I would get diagnosed with ADHD. Now, what's the difference? Two or three things to understand. The first is that a diagnosis of ADHD requires an impairment of function. I don't think my function is impaired to the point where I could get a clinical diagnosis. anymore. And this is what I think a lot of people don't understand, too, is that, so why not?

So a part of it could be that I grew out of it. So about 10 to 30 percent of people will grow out of ADHD as they cross 25, 28 years old, their frontal lobes develop and they no longer impairing ADHD. I could have been in that group. I think what a lot of it was is I learned the right kind of like scaffolding and techniques. So I learned how to practice concentration. I learned how to make my mind less distractible. You can literally train your brain, right? And we know I've showed this paper several times about average effect size of medication versus average effect size of therapy for something like ADHD.

And we know that if you teach people how to live their lives properly, like that's, that you will improve. Even to the point of basically being not asymptomatic, that's not correct, but to the point where your symptoms no longer impair your life. So people ask me this question all the time. And then, like, you know, part of the work that I'm proud of is that since this worked for me, and as a psychiatrist, I prescribe medications, I do psychotherapy. But then I teach my patients a lot of the stuff that is not a standard part of psychiatric practice, pattern of concentration.

And the work that I'm proud of is stuff like Dr. Kay's guide. It's like I'm super proud that, like, I took one of the reasons why I don't qualify as having ADHD, turned it into something that hopefully y'all can use and implement, right? It's like Dr. K's guide to ADHD and doing stuff. It's like how I learned to do stuff when it was hard for me to do stuff. And we were trying to figure out what the title was. And I was like, look, what it is, it's a guide to doing stuff. Like, if you have trouble doing stuff, like, this is going to, like, help you do stuff.

Like, that's really what it is. And those are the things that I'm proud of. That if you know how you work, if you train the right skills and you struggle at doing, things, then, hopefully afterward, you will be better at doing things. Impact is what we're interested in. And that's why, you know, I'm working on more stuff in that vein. So thank you guys very much for coming today. I think we may be streaming tomorrow.

Something is in the works. Stay tuned to our socials. Huge shout out to Jeremiah Brown. Seems like a super genuine guy, super solid guy. So thanks for joining us today. We're here to help you understand. understand your mind and live a better life. If you enjoy the conversation, be sure to subscribe. Until next time, take care of yourselves and each other.

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