HealthyGamerGG - Becoming Successful After Falling Behind in Life | Viewer Interview

Episode Date: June 20, 2021

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Welcome. Thank you. And can you tell me what you want to be called today or how I should refer to you? J.T. like by the alphabet. Because I have a Chinese name, so it's just easier. Okay. J.T.

Okay. Welcome, J.T. And are you joining us from a, it's a form of a foreign country? Are you? Yeah. Yeah. I'm from Singapore. So like, in Southeast Asia.

Okay. Cool. So welcome. And how are you feeling today? I'm excited and also nervous. Yeah. Those two usually go hand in hand, right? Yeah.

Yeah. And what can we help you with today, J.T? Or how can I help you today? Okay. Sorry, is it okay? I just use my phone because I just jotted this down. Yeah, of course. It's just how to not let the fear of falling behind,

further hinder my life. and how I interact with other people. Okay. And can you tell me a little bit about your fear of falling behind? Well, I mean, like, it's just that I've fallen behind in terms of education, my social relationships with people, my love life, essentially. Yeah, and I think, like, I've also, like, I think maybe, like, I felt, like, shame from it, or, like, people have, have, like,

pointed it out that let's say like in terms of my schooling my classmates like dude you're 20 already like how used to here or like can you like at your age and stuff like that you know when I'm behind me like like when I'm talking to them and stuff like that so yeah it's just like

sorry yeah keep going oh um is that uh yeah I'm just like constantly reminded that I'm like following further behind and I don't have like a lot of time left if I want to like

achieve like my goal in life okay so and how old are you j t i'm 20 this year 20 this year okay so i'm i'm sort of getting the sense that you may be feeling desperate uh i guess yeah that's yeah okay and and so what um what do you want to achieve uh my life goal oh i mean you said it Oh yeah, yeah, sorry. Yeah, okay, so I'm just going to preface this by saying like, okay, it sounds very, it's like very big, okay, but it's just genuinely how I truly feel. So I'm just going to say it. Okay, good.

I essentially plan to do what you are doing, but in Singapore. And then, like, I just want to start like a mental health startup that way. And like, in order to do that, you just have to get, like, Singapore is like a very monotocratic, like, society. So, like, you have to get like super good grades if you want to like do something big. So, yeah, that's why. like I'm like working so hard to ensure that I at least like get into university. Okay.

Yeah. So, so, well, so I know this may be a little bit weird, but I'm in a weird way. Like, you know, I wouldn't have been able to do what I did unless I had fallen behind. Right? Yeah. Because like, you know, so I think like in short. I mean, so, you know, we'll talk a lot more, but like, like, falling behind is like a core part of who I am. And you have to, if you want to help other people, like, you can't be someone who's at the top of your class and, like, tell someone, hey, like, just, you know, this is the road to success.

You have to have actually failed if you want to help people who have also failed. I'm not saying that I'm not recommending it to anyone because it sucks. Yeah, it does. You know, so the first thing is, so I just want to kind of toss that out there. I still want to learn a lot more about you. I think we're not really, you know, I want to learn a lot more about you. But my first thought is that, you know, if you want to start a mental health, if you want to be the Singaporean version of me, you're doing it perfectly. And falling behind is how you start.

So that's like great. Like that's the first step of your main quest is to fall behind. And yeah. I guess that's true. but like, because like you've mentioned before, like, you essentially have like a limited time frame of, of like, of like how you want to help people because you feel like there's going to be a time of age

like where you don't feel a sense of relation to like the young adults, right? So like I feel like the, if I keep falling behind further, like maybe like 10 years or like maybe like five years maximum in terms of how I want to help people. Yeah, so what I'm hearing is that there's a certain amount of falling behind that is on track. And if you fall behind too much, you have fallen, you've missed that sweet amount of falling behind. And you're worried about that.

Yes, it is very. Okay, cool. We can work on that. Okay. So tell me a little bit about, so it sounds like people, you know, will, like, point your, they'll tell you about your age and what do they say?

They'll say like, oh, you're 20 years old and can you tell me about that? Oh, so like, um, I guess like, when I'm wrong people that I'm comfortable with, I tend to act like immatureish, right? So, like, sometimes I tend to annoy them and stuff like that. So, like, my friends were like, oh my God, can we just like, like, age? Like, you're 20 and like we're 18 already, you know? And we're just like, okay, yeah, that just keeps me in check, you know, like, I'm, like, grounded. Yes, I'm supposed to act like this.

Or like, like, let's say, like, sometimes they tell me like, oh, I forget that sometimes you're 20, you know. So, like, it makes me think like, like, damn, they're like really so behind because, like, these people like 18 and 20 already, they're like, they're literally at the same pace that I am. And then like people like, like, let's say like in my boxing gym, those people who are my age, they're already like serving their mandatory like national service or they're already like in university like pursuing the things that they want. And I'm just like like in my second year of like, like a second year college. Okay. So is that not universe? Can you help me understand what university is and what second year colleges? Oh, okay. So, um, so in terms of Singapore, there's like,

like we don't really go to like when you go from high school you don't really go to like a college or like a like just a general college you get there's like three like junior colleges polytechnics and i tea so that's like uh it's like it's just like from when i was like when i was 16 i went to i te so that's the worst one essentially it's a bit harsh but yeah uh so but in order to get the university you actually have to get to like the second tier in order to get into university right because the first year is not able you only have to do it. when you're 16. If not, you don't have the chance. Yeah, so, so second year is just like, yeah, it's just my second year in Polytechnic because there's like three years in this college. Okay. So what are most people who are 20 doing in Singapore? They're either serving their mandatory national service or they are in university. Most of them, like, if they followed the like the first day of path, right, they're already like in, in university. They already do it. Okay. So how many years? years behind are you?

Two, three, four, five. Okay. Four or five years. Okay. So, yeah, how does it feel to say that? I think, like, I've, I think it comes to term with, okay, I've not come to terms of it, but I don't know, it feels this happening. Yeah.

Yeah. Because, yeah, I was just constantly reminded about it. Whenever I'm just interacting people, because, like, if I, like, new people that I'm trying interact with like for example like I tell them like I'm 20 in the second year college then like then like I'm then I'm so as a second I'm just telling them I mean like the second year college like poly click then they're like oh are you like graduating soon and like oh no I'm like in my second year then like oh okay or if I tell them like I was actually from the third tier college that's why then there's like there's a stigma there because like in Singapore like people tend to like look down

if you were in the third year college okay so yeah there's like all this like factors Okay. And J.T., can you help me understand how you fell behind in the first place? Just like mistakes I made. Like, I guess like when I was 16, 50, like, I just dropped my secondary school. Like just in high school. I wasn't really very studious as a person. Yeah, I didn't really work hard as well. Like a lot of people keep telling me like, oh, I'm smart, you know, you can do it, you know. but like, yeah, I just can't. I just couldn't sigh. And like, I just stick to games all day, like, every day.

Just playing games. Even, like, during, like, exams, like, when it was exam period, like, during the exam day, I was playing. Yeah, I wasn't even lying. Yeah, and then that's how I got into the third year college. And the only reason how I got into, like, the second-tier college was because of an, like, an, like, an, like, an, like, an aptitude interview assessment.

Like, they assess you, like, if you're in the third-tier college and you want to get the second-tier, you can do this interview where you can, like, soap courses, So I wanted to soft course from like IT, like computer stuff, to like psychology and drama and stuff. Like applied psychology and drama. So like I interviewed there and like in the polytechnic and then they gave it to me. Yeah. And like like how do you feel about that?

I think that was like the happiest moment of my life. When like they sent me the like email notifications and they say like, uh, dear like dear JT, congrats. Oh my. Then I just started freaking out. Like I was in a bus. My jaw dropped and everything. I was so happy.

because I was, then I was like, yes, finally like, you know, one step, like further. I'm like, at least take one step. You know, I'm not as far behind now. Yeah. And so are you moving on pace now that you're in the Polytechnic College? Like, slowly, yeah, yeah. I think I'm doing quite well, actually, like, maybe, but I need to be better. If it's not, yeah, I just need to be, like, way better, a little bit better.

Okay. Right. So help me understand when you say you're doing quite well, how do you determine whether you're doing well or not? I guess through my grades. Like, okay, so like the max in terms of GPA is like four, right? And I'm like 3.79 now. So, but in order to get like, like, like, poly university, like, because from second tier, right, they, it's very, very hard to get in compared to if you're in a first year college, for four universities. And only universities that are like, they have like psychology and they're like more reputable. it's only like two universities. The third one is like just like longer, a long, way longer route.

But so like, yeah, it's like you need to get like 3.9 maybe. Like three point, like high, so like essentially this semester I have to get everything A. But like, sorry I'm sorry I'm like talking a lot, but like just giving more information. But like I did this like elective.

I like it. Okay. I did this like elective and I and then like like I got a B plus and I was like so sad about it but like I'm trying to like work on it like it's something that like trying to work on like it's like accepting the I'm just going to refer to my notes because

good because I just like know things that I've improved on and like things I should improve on so like focusing on the process not the outcome so like I can't control getting an A but you can be confident in my own work done or like I accept the outcomes gain by validating the emotions of my outcomes but like sometimes I feel like they don't work as well. Sure.

Or like I don't think, even though I've been like working on it for like a year now, like it's not as is not, it's not much improvement, I guess. Okay. I really like the level of detail you're going into, JT. and by all please pull out your phone whenever you want to because I think it's really helpful. Can I just have a second to think? Yep. Okay.

Can you tell me a little bit about, you know, why you want to why you want to be the Singaporean version of Dr. K like help me understand what appeals to you about that why is that your goal um I think I think I literally found my Dharma because of you okay yeah yeah okay I'm noticing that how

whenever I say that it sounds as though it feels my mind is like attacking me like that sounds stupid you know okay but sorry uh yeah uh yeah uh yeah I You helped me found my Dharma and I think this is just what I wanted to do. And like, I think like, like, Singaporean society needs it a lot. Right, because we are very meritocratic and we are like, go, go, go, go. You know, we don't have time to rest.

It's just like drilling it in, very technical education, you know, just got to like, like drill it in. Don't like, don't stop, you know. It's just how it is. So like I want like, like, so like most people, they feel like they don't have anybody talk to and some things. And I want to offer that help to people. And also like how are doing it like your help.

Yeah, you're doing like peer to peer coaching and stuff like that, which is really. So I want to put people who are who know better to me in like terms of like how like like maybe like ex convicts feels like because they're they were ex convicts themselves. You know like that they can help each other kind of stuff. Like I love that. Yeah. So plan to do it here. And also because when I wanted to like be a healthy gamer culture, it was it was not it was not legal when I try to sign out in Singapore. I mean like like from Singapore.

So I guess I just want to do it here. Cool. Okay. So why do you want to help? other people. Like, help me understand what do you want to help them do or see differently from the way that society is right now? Like, sorry, can you just repeat the question? Yeah. So, so like, so you said that the problem is that Singapore is like very like

meritocracy and they like kind of drill you to like, you know, do this, then do this, then do this, then do this. If you do all these things, then you are successful and you are a good human being. And if you don't do those things, you are a bad human being. Right? Is that fair? Yep, yep. So how do you want to change that? Uh, I just want them to tell themselves that their other pathways, it's just going to take longer and you just have to accept it. Sorry, I just gave myself the answer of like my own. Sorry, sorry. But, you know, but like,

for me, I have limited, oh, crap. I'm saying like, oh, I have limited time frame. I did. The first of all over also a limited time frame. I don't know, man. Or maybe I shouldn't, maybe I shouldn't do that, because I don't even know how to combat that.

If I, I don't even know myself. No, no, but good. So you're doing, you're doing great, J.T. Right? Because, like, it starts with noticing. You're like, like, the answer that you want to give them is like the one that you need to hear.

then like, why is that funny? Because then as soon as you say that, you realize, okay, this is the advice that I need to follow. And then like your mind is like, when I try to follow that advice, your mind tells you, doesn't want to listen to it, right? Yeah. So, so what does your, when you say, you know, it takes time, you have your own path, you know, just keep persevering. And what does your mind tell you in response when you try to tell that to yourself? You can tell it to someone else. But when you tell it to yourself, what is your own? You know, what is your own? You know, your mind tell you? Dude, you're not gonna, you're not gonna make it if you, if you slack over, you don't study, you did, like, you're not gonna have time. Like, uh, there's no way.

Because if you want to do like, like, like, uh, you can do like the third university, but you're gonna be like 30 by the time you, you, you even get out of the university. Then what are you gonna do? Like, 30 to just, just to get a bachelor's. I'm like, okay, I don't know what I'm supposed to do. And, and that can't happen to me because like, okay, this is very egotistic, but like I this goal is so big I like are like bigger than like the norm like people like most people like I hear like oh they just want to earn money they want get rich so they can do whatever they want but like this goal of helping people like I need to get that faster because because I need to help those people and if I don't help those people in time then then it's useless like or like my life is like rough less okay okay okay we're going to try one thing that's probably going to bounce off. So, like, how old do you think you need to be to help people? How old is too late?

I mean, I can actually, like, like, okay, when you say help people, like, I can help people now, honestly, like, in terms of volunteering and stuff like that. I have done that. But it's just, like, help people the way I want, like, the way you're doing it. Like, in terms of, you need, like, good, like, successful, like, education. And you need to have, like, scholarships and stuff like that in order to, like, enforce change. in terms of like macro system levels like in terms of society and stuff like in Singapore.

So like I need to have good grades. If not, they won't listen to me. Right. Cause like I go like like like like someone like a second day like a college person like with a diploma and applied psychology telling you oh this is how you're supposed to do it when like they're like people like in universities with masters already like I mean. So how old how old tell me what what do you need? How old do you need to be?

and what kind of professional certification do you need to be? I calculated. It would be 28 for a master's. And then hopefully I can work at the same time and do my doctorate. I'll be like 34 or something. 34. 34 by the time I get my doctorate. By like 28, I can start helping people in terms of my master.

And by 30, are you on track by 34 to get your doctorate? I hope so. Okay. Yeah. So like, I mean, do you know how old I am? 38? Yeah, do you know how old I was when I finished training? No, I forgot.

No. Let me just make sure I have this right. I was 36 when I finished training. I was right. What? Wait, you only doing this for two years. Yeah. But I thought you were like seeing patients for quite a while.

Yeah, so much like Masters. I finished medical school at the age of 32, but I finished residency at the age of 36. Huh. Go, go, go. What is your mind? So like I said, like I said, right? So, so you're on track to be faster than me. What does your mind tell you?

That I want to help people faster as in I, yeah, or like, like, I have to be faster or like, I don't know, it just tells me to be faster. Okay. So like you are already on track to be faster than Dr. K. You're going to be, you're on track to be two years faster than Dr. K. And what does your mind tell you in response to that? It's telling me nothing. He's just saying, oh, okay, cool. Yep.

Oh, wait. Yeah, okay. I don't know. I feel satisfied now. But I don't, it's just, my mind is like telling me like, no, dude, it's not enough. Because I, like, I'm trying to, my mind is trying to discredit you by saying like, Oh, dude, you're in the U.S. education system and I'm in the Singaporean education system. It works differently. You don't have the same amount of opportunities. I don't have the same amount of opportunities that you have.

Good, good. So now, so the first thing to understand, so I want you to notice something. Okay. When it comes to feeling fallen behind and desperate, the reality of the situation does not matter at all. because here you are with your goal, and I'm telling you, you are two years ahead of me. You're two years faster than I am. And your mind is going to find some way to like set that aside and discredit what I say.

Do you see that? Like it doesn't, I could tell you, J.T., you're doing great. And you'll find some way to tell me I'm wrong. You'll find your mind will find some way to keep you feeling desperate and ashamed. Does that make sense? Yeah. But I'm just trying to notice it.

So, like, it will go away. But like, that's the problem. Because like, like, like, like, yeah, I'm just like noticing it, right? But like, sometimes it will just, or then it just like fades and then it comes like, and I'm like, oh, God. You know, I did this like a few days ago

when like my friends were critiquing me about how I should improve, right? So like, I was trying to notice. that because I went to sleep by angry and I was just trying to notice my anger and just like kept coming back. So I couldn't sleep for like three hours because I kept noticing it. Yeah. Yeah. So it's really hard, man. So I think you're doing a good job and we're going to try to help you. Okay. So the key thing here though is that a lot of times when we feel like we've fallen behind, we think that something in the outside world will make it better. Right. Like if I fix

something outside, if I catch up, if I get a 3.7.9, if I get a 3.7.9, if I get a 3.9, if I get a 3.9, if I do this, then it'll go away. We think that the solution to falling behind is changing something in the outside world. Right? Yeah. Your mind is telling you, I will be satisfied when dot, dot, dot.

But what we can kind of notice is that like, even though you got accepted and you are super happy and you're getting a 3.79, you know, and maybe it's not enough. Your mind is always going to tell you it's not enough. Do you see that? Yep. Even though you're making progress,

sounds like you're going to be okay, actually. But like your mind is like, it's not enough. It's not enough. So we have to recognize is that an objective achievement in the outside world is not going to make you feel like you've caught up. Even if you're telling me that you want to be Dr. K and that sounds grandiose, like, fine, whatever. And then Dr. K is telling you you're doing it two years faster than I am.

Like, that should be enough. Right? but it's not going to be, which is why I said it's going to bounce off, which is fine, which is why I said it, just so we can appreciate that it bounces off. So this is where, like, the work that you need to do has nothing to do with your external performance. It has everything to do with, like, the feeling of falling behind and where that comes from. Because it sounds like you're doing okay, right? Like, so it sounds like you weren't a great student and then you've worked your way up to a 3.79.

You've got some work ahead of you and you've got to shoot for a 3.9. Will you make it? will you not make it? Like, who knows? But, like, you may, you know, sometimes you'll get a lucky break in the future, too. Like, you take enough shots. You open enough loot boxes. And, like, eventually you'll get, you know, like some rare item.

And you'll, like, I'm not worried about you, JT. So, because I think that, like, you know, this is where you say you got lucky, but, like, you also, it sounds like you had an interview, right? Yeah. And, like, sometimes in life, like, we just have these opportunities. opportunities where we just have to like, you know, crush it in a moment and then we can catch a break. And so I think it's been my experience that like people will catch breaks as long as you keep looking for them. Like if you sit at home and like play video games all day, like you're,

it's going to be really hard to catch a break. But if you're out there, you're trying, you're applying to stuff, you're taking classes. Like someone somewhere will like notice you and be like, okay, let's give this guy a chance. Right. That's what happens. Like, that's how you got in because someone like saw something and they were like, oh, like, this guy really is not in person. He is different from what we see on paper. On paper, he doesn't have much merit, but this kid is a little bit different. So let's give him a chance. And I do think that the world functions like that.

And if you keep on like putting yourself out there, that people will notice that and like value that. Can I say the comment? Yeah. because I like recently okay so like our our teachers like sometimes I do checkups during the holidays to see how we like how we are in terms of mental health and stuff and like like just not when you state that like yo dude you're the way you're going to progress the way how hardworking you on the way you do this kind of things you're going to be fine but like my teacher told me like like like if you want to like do great things like for example my friend he was doing like he wants

to do like policy making in Singapore right and like and like but you need scholarships and stuff It's like I relate what I'm doing, like, in terms of how, like, how grandiose his goal is to mine. So like, equal. So like, and she said, like, like, like, like, you need to have scholarships. If not, no one's going to notice you. If not, like, like, if not, you're going to, you know, like, it's only because he volunteered. They're, you're doing so many volunteering work right now. They're like, like, they're like working.

They're doing so many things, like all these kind of things, like, all these big things. Just so that they will get noticed. Like, and I'm here. Like, I'm not even, I'm not, not, not. Right now I'm not even volunteering. I'm just like studying. Right. But my,

my peer, my friend, like, he has been volunteering and his GPA is like way higher. And that's why he'll probably get it and I won't. Okay. Yeah. Oh, I said, yeah, okay. It's not that I won't,

but like, I stand a lesser chance. Yeah. So I think that makes sense. So JT, I don't think you are your friend. You're not one of them. And I think the harder that you try to be,

the more you will miss out on who you are. What does that mean? Because like, so this is where like, I know it sounds weird, but like you don't need to be them. Like you need to be you. As in like I, sorry. Yeah, go ahead. Oh, like, yeah, as in,

like, I need to be me. But like, yeah, I still need to volunteer. I still have to do this stuff, right? If not, I can't get the scholarship. I can't get noticed according to the teacher. So, so that, well, We'll get to that in a second, right? But, like, if you're not capable of volunteering and studying at the same time, like, can you do that?

No. Okay. So, that's what I'm saying. If you're not good enough, I know it sounds kind of weird, but, like, that's where you need to start. Right? So, like, what are you capable of? So there are a lot of different things here. So let me, like, let me say there's two different tracks here, JT.

One is that your personal sense of shame and desperation, is emotional. And like, if you want to understand, like, so I can say as much logical shit as I want to, and it's going to bounce off every time until you deal with that emotional thing. If someone feels like they're unlovable, someone else can try to love them as much as they want to, and it just won't, it will never land. It'll never hit, right? It'll just bounce off over and over and over again.

So if you want to, like, discover your confidence, you have to start by, like, exploring where you're shame comes from. So we can talk about your parents and stuff like that. And like, you know, what it was like growing up, like where you started to feel fall behind. Like, you know, you can tell me about how ashamed you felt and all that kind of stuff. And as we start to see, because you kind of say that, you know, the shame, you notice it and it comes down and then it pops back up, right? So where is it coming from? Where is it popping from? It's because your mind has that emotional energy from being 16 years old and getting into that third college, the IDE, and you felt so ashamed. And then you started to play a video game.

So where did all that shame go? It got buried. And now what it does is pop up. And the more you played the video game, the more you buried the shame you felt behind other people, you know, then you were 17 and then your friends were 17. The friends that used to be with when you were 12, they started to grow. And now every time you compare yourself to your friends. friend, there's more shame building. Do you see that? Yep. Okay. So like there's the getting rid of the

shame down below, which means working through it. The second thing to point out is comparison. Okay. So comparison is a function of the ego. And the ego arises when you're experiencing negative emotion. So the more you compare yourself, the worst this is going to be. Because if you think about it, falling behind can only happen if you have a standard of comparison. Okay?

Then the third thing, and don't worry, J.T. Don't worry. We're going to calm your mind down. The third thing is there is a very harsh reality that you live in a country that is very comparative. Right? We can say as much like Dr. Kay,

like you can make me feel wonderful on the inside. we can deal with all the shame I can conquer my ego and at the end of the day when I apply for something they're going to look at my resume they're going to look at my scholarships they're going to look at my volunteer

situations and they're going to say screw this guy and who they're going to listen to is the guy who's got all that stuff and that is the world that I live in true so what do we do about that

right so like Right? So like these are the different topics we can talk about because I do think that we can have a discussion about growing up in a society that you say is a meritocracy, but it's not actually a meritocracy. So like it's it's an artificial measurement of merit. Right. It's it's a measurementocracy because it's not real merit. It's like an approximation. So like our society has become more and more geared towards what we can measure versus what is valuable.

And we've started to confuse the two. So like if you look at the stock market, like if a stock price is high, that means the company is doing well, right? That's what we've started to do. We've started to replace merit and value with measurement because it's easier. So it's like hard for people to like get to know every. student. So what we do is we give them a test and we say, based on the test, we're going to rank you. And that's just the way the world is, which I totally get, right? And I think that there's particular like strategies and stuff to navigate the meritocracy. But like, you know, I think that

if anything, I mean, JT, you're 20. The question is, what is Singapore going to be like 10 years from now, 20 years from now, 30 years from now, and 40 years from now. Right? Huh? You wouldn't know. You wouldn't know. Right. So, and this is where I think part of the problem here is that some of your goals, I think, are very artificial. Like, and this is where you can try to be something that you can envision. But, like, I don't know if this makes sense, but, like, once again, since you said you want to be like me, at 20 years old, what I thought I wanted to be, was completely wrong about. Right. And, and like the whole point of like, you know, like the way I became Dr. K is by like ignoring what the world was doing instead of trying to live up to the world's

standard. It's like being myself. And the more I started to be myself instead of chasing after what other people wanted, like that's how I became me. It's actually moving away from like what everyone wanted. Like, it's like, you know, quitting a good position at Harvard. It's like that's what everyone wants. Like, you know, when I graduated, they were like, you know, because like even when you finish, you know, there are tears, right? There's like, there's the good jobs and they're the medium jobs and they're the bad jobs.

And since I did really well, they offered me the good job. And I was like, no, thank you. So like that that rat race, that like that, you know, that treadmill of like first you have to do this and then you have to do this, then you have to do this, then you have to do this. You absolutely have to play the game to a certain extent. Like don't get me wrong. But like I wouldn't put, I wouldn't get, you know, I would strongly encourage you to like realize that you don't, you know, affecting policy like that may change. What you need to affect policy may change. You know, and this is the. kind of thing where it's like, you know, anyway, I mean, you have no idea what the world is going to send you. Like, just trust me on that one. You just, you just have no idea. You know, and, and, and this is where, like, like, this is just to be blunt, this is just too bizarre. But, like, recently someone put me in touch with someone very high in the Singaporean government. And, and they're like, they're like interested in doing something around mental health in Singapore.

Right? So like I have no, like it's just a bizarre. I don't know if anything is going to happen to it. But like it's very possible that I have no idea because I don't know what comes next. But like it's very possible that like the healthy gamer could move into Singapore. And if healthy gamer moves into Singapore, I would be like, hey, I know a guy. What do you guys think? my point is I have no idea if that works I don't think we should rely on that expectation my point is that you just have no fucking clue like what the future holds and so trying to build a life based on like okay this is what I've got to do and this is what I've got to do and

this is what I've got to do so I wind up in this place and this is what I want to achieve is like the wrong way of thinking about it just the whole the idea of falling behind is a mental construction. It's not actually a real thing. Now, I mean, there's some reality to it because do you need like a good resume so that people will listen to you? Sure. I'm not disputing that. But you need to be like fluid in the way that you achieve your goal. And like if you don't, if you have a 3.79, the question and by all means go for the 3.9. Like work your ass off. Study really hard. Learn how to study because your friend learned how to study when he was 15 or 12, and you, like, missed that part, right? I missed it, too. And this is where, like, I also think you don't have to be big.

This is another big common misconception. Like, the most gratifying work that I do isn't with, like, huge numbers of, well, it's not most. It's all about even. But, like, this is why, you know, why do we do this? Like, I'm talking to you, man. Like, what I care about is, like, talking to one person at a time. I don't have to talk to thousands of people. That's not actually what's fun. It's talking to you. Like, I want to help you.

And whether the internet is watching or not watching, there may be an objective difference in terms of the impact that I make. But it doesn't, that's why we stream. But like at the end of the day, whether you're in my office or we're on the internet, like it feels good either way, dude. It's very fulfilling either way. Does that make sense?

Yep. Yeah, yeah. I'm just like processing everything you're saying. and I yeah I'm just like because every time you try to talk right and sometimes like my mind will like shoot up so I'll just like try to notice it immediately and like wait it just goes and like you go to

on the next point and comes up there I just like notice it so I'm just trying my best yeah it's just yeah I was thinking because like you took like uh sorry if I can't remember a lot of information because I'm just trying to like process it all it's just like you tell me like

okay dude you just for example I give you like the example like you told me like studying right I learned how to study and I have learned how study actually I'm studying quite well. Learn how I was study quite well because of the guides that you put out. And but the thing is sometimes like, we still get like, it's still like a K plus or it's still like stuff like. So I think like sometimes like, yeah, still comparing where I think like, oh, if I do what you tell me to do, I'll get the result that I want, but it doesn't add up. Yeah.

So so and that's where I mean, I think you kind of like, like, you know, you're like you're going to tell people someday, right? Like, let go the result. Yeah. And, and, and, and that's where it's, it's hard, man. Like, don't get me wrong. It's hard. But like, you're, you know, you're growing. You're not in your final form yet. And, and, and, you know, I can try to reassure you. I think that's not going to work very well. Like, it's only going to work so much. But it's like, you know, I mean, you just, you just never know what's going to happen. Like, you just never know. So I think building a plan. So, and this is, I mean, it's not really your fault because, you know, you probably, you have been conditioned, right?

Your mind has been taught that unless you do A, B, C, and D in this order, you will not succeed. That there's a formula for success. Right? And you're not living up to snuff. Therefore, you will not succeed. and when like 90% of people are telling you that, of course you're going to feel that way. Yep.

And this is where it's kind of weird, but like if you're talking about, you know, changing policy, like you have to be the example. Like you can't be, you know, like, you know, like. Yeah, dude, that is exactly why like I'm trying to like, this one like, this one trying to like buff myself up. I mean, I'm trying to like make sure that I don't have any of these kind of problems, you know?

Because like, okay, like, yeah, it's just like, like, this one's trying to improve, improve, improve, improve, so that I can be the best version so that I can help people, you know, so that I don't have to like, do this interview with you so you can help me, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, so and this is where, I mean, I got to tell you, man, like, that's, the whole thing is like wrong. Right? Because like what you're trying to, like, you have this artificial construction of like one day I'm going to be this thing and I'm going to be fixed. and once I'm fixed

that I'm going to go out and I'm going to help the world. Like it's not how it works, man. Like, you're never fixed. You just got to do the work that you got to do. Like, there's no, like, fixed is not a thing. Right? Like, the world may tell you it's a thing. Like, the world will absolutely tell you that this is what a fixed person looks like.

And we can be, our mind has been conditioned towards that. But I think JT, like, honestly, I think you're doing great. We'll get to some of the other emotional stuff in a second. But I think you're doing the most that you can, which is great, which is perfect. And this is where, like, I think you're living your karma. Like, you just weren't born with, like, you know, a high level of conscientiousness, it sounds like. Do you know what that means? Like the five-factor moral stuff?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? So, like, some of us are just not born with, I wasn't born with a high level of conscientiousness either. I still sort of don't have one, which is fine. Like, you can still be successful. The problem is that the world. believes that a particular kind of person is success. But it's been my overwhelming experience that if you play the game,

like if you watch someone who's like playing, like, let's say, wow. Okay, what do you play, by the way? I read League of Legends, Monstantable, Overwatch, Genshin. Okay. All right. So, like, let's say like Overwatch, right? So, like, if I'm watching someone who's like an awesome tracer, right and I'm like they're like giving everyone right and left and then I'm Reinhart and I try to play a Tracer style game and I keep losing I'm like oh I need to like I need to be faster right I don't know why it's not working so your friend is like Tracer and you're like Reinhart you just have to play who you are right and I know it sounds kind of weird because the world is going to tell you like it's like back to like I don't know if you watch pro overwatch but you remember back when there was like the

a three-tank meta? Yep. Goats. Right? So like, like, so like, like, like the meta right now in Singapore is like a three-tank meta. And you're trying to play a DPS. And so you can look at the meta and you can say, this is what success is. Because that's what the meta is.

The meta is the meritocracy. You do this. You do this. You do this. You do this. But over time, the meta evolves. And how does a meta evolve, J.T? No, no, like, I just, I went, because I will say, I'm going to say like buff patches, you know, like the company, but then the company means the government, that means the government, that means that you can change stuff and stuff like that.

You're right. So the meta can change through policy, which means back to your original plan. You have to do really good. Someone has to change something somewhere. That's, but the meta doesn't only change due to buff patches. How did the Goats meta evolve? That wasn't through a package. Uh, nerves? Nerves? Nerves? Like, like, like, reducing the champion's ability. So I, I, so the point I'm making is that like, sure, something got nerfed, right? But it, it's a combination of buffs, patches plus player innovation.

Because like, it's not like someone, you know, the patch happened and then immediately, people were like, oh, let's start playing three tanks. Someone was like, oh, shit. let me try something differently based on the circumstance of the world. And then something becomes O-P. But that O-Pness is the circumstance that the world creates, followed by the innovation of thinking differently, thinking outside of the box. So like...

That means like I have to wait. No. I have to wait for like to like revolve around me. No, dude. So this is what I'm saying. So if you look at Healthy Gamer's story, like the world was what it was. right? And we innovated within the balance patch system of like the government. So like there was like and like literally there's like policy stuff that matters here. So we've like talked to attorneys and like things like that. We've said can we stream? We talk to Twitch and we were like, I'm a psychiatrist. Can I talk to people on the is that allowed in the rules? Will the government? Can I do this? I talk to people in like, you know, the medical community and I'm like I have a license. Like what do you guys think? Am I allowed to do this? And then. we innovated.

The point is, and now everyone's like, you fucking, now you're just playing meta decks. You're like, oh, I'm going to be like Dr. K now. Like, following my meta is my innovation. But that's how the meta evolves, right? So, so this is where it's kind of weird, but like I think that the part of the thing, and I know this sounds, I'm going to say something kind of random. So I was once in a class that looked at Nobel Prize winning papers.

in biology. Okay? So all we did in the class was we read 12 papers that won the Nobel Prize, like 12 experiments. And the really fascinating thing is like, you know what it takes to win a Nobel Prize is to like think off meta. That's like literally what it takes to win a Nobel Prize. The whole meta is one way. And then someone is like, oh, wait.

Let me think off meta. Instead of doing everything the way that things have been done before, I'm going to try something different. And so, like, that's what it takes to win a Nobel Prize. So there's a part of you that's, like, trying to chase, like, what everyone else is doing. And that's fine for the plebs, right? But, like, if you really want to make an impact in the world, I think you've got to step away from like what you, like, forget about what you want to accomplish and just like focus on who you are and where you are. And then like opportunities will come. Like you'll have, you know,

like it'll click. I'm not worried about that for you. It's just about convincing you that like you can just like be who you are. And I don't know how else to say it being because I think we've already said this, but like I wouldn't be who I am without the failure. Like it's such, it's just as important as the Harvard. What do you mean by like be who you are? like, like, I'll just accept that you are like this. Like, what does that mean? That's a good question. So I think especially in meritocratrous societies, like Singapore, India is the same way.

Everyone's like, what the hell does that even mean? Right? Because like, all we're taught is like what we should be. Does that make sense? Yeah. Let me just think about how to answer that because it's hard. Oh, sorry. No, no, no.

It's, it's the most important question. Um, so you know what you want to be, right? Yep. What are you? I'm just a polytechnic student. Yeah, I'm just a student. And how do you feel? I'm not there.

No, I'll get there. I, I just got to like keep this pace and if and not fuck up. Yeah. So, so, so I think that's actually like a pretty good answer. So like, you know, as long. There's some emotion there. What's that? You feeling some emotion? No, no, no, no, sorry. Sorry. Okay. So I think that the more that you kind of accept that I'm a polytechnic student, I would be a little bit careful about the word just. Right? So you said, I'm just a polytechnic. That's just what you are. It's not better or worse than anything else, which I know sounds weird in a meritocratious society. But like, I know it sounds weird, but like you can't be anything but what you are. Like, how tall are you, JT?

17, 2.C.m. 5 foot 8. Okay. Can you be 5 foot 10? With the proper shoes? Okay. Can you be... No, no, it's a good answer. Can you be 5 foot 6? Yeah, no.

Right? So like, when you go and buy clothing, do you buy clothing for people who are 6 foot or 5 foot? Like, yeah, I guess like my size or like maybe a little bit bigger. Yeah, right? And so, but what if you want to be six foot? What if I came to you and I said JT. So imagine you succeeded in your goal. And one day I come to you and I say, I'm five foot, five and I want to be six feet.

So I keep on buying six foot clothing. And then- Why do you want to be six-foot? Because six foot is better than five-foot. And it's what I want to be. So I'm going to move towards that. Okay, I'm just noticing the metaphors they're using and how it applies to me. So explain that to us.

It's just, it's a different ball game. It's just a different game. You can't be this thing because you're just not that thing. Or like you actually have to like show appreciation that the fiber is not a bad thing. You know, like you still, there's still things that you can do. Dude, but like like women like dudes who are taller. So let's be clear, right? Well, let's just assume that for a second.

I don't know that's actually true. But like, that's the way a lot of dudes think, right? So even if we say that six foot is better than five foot five, they're like, there's studies that show that height is correlated to corporate advancement. So the likelihood of you being a CEO seems to be correlated with how tall you are. So let's even say that it's better to be six foot than five five. What then? Uh,

I don't know. There's like nothing you can do, actually, because they're so insistent on wanting to be this thing even though they can't. Okay, sorry. Right. So, so, so, so, and here's the thing is like if you want to succeed, right, let's say I'm a five foot five dude and I want to find a girlfriend, then dressing in six foot clothing is not going to help. Right. I have to play to my strengths. Like, if it's the goats meta, like, we're going to get three tanks, like, and forget about tracer.

Like, who cares? But we don't need a tracer. Right. Play to your strengths. That's what it means to be who you are. You may objectively be worse than your friend. Like, I know it's kind of weird, but, like, we live in this society where we say, like, everyone's equal. Like, no, they're not.

Like, does every human being have, is any human being worth more than, you? another human being? No. I mean, yes. Sorry. Wait, wait. Hold on. I'm getting confused. I think in terms of intrinsic value, we're all the same. But in terms of like capability, like we're not. Right. Like some people are just like better at basketball. Like some people are just like more successful at life. And I think that like if you're someone who's fallen behind, accepting that is the way that you really start to shine. Like you can still have a wonderful loving relationship if you're 5 foot 5. You just have to stop worrying about being 6 foot and just play to your strengths and I think

you'll be fine. You can still be a CEO at 5 foot 7, even though height apparently is an advantage. But you just have to accept that like you're playing life with a handicap. You can still win. But as long as you like pretend to live a life where you're not handicapped and you get so caught up with the handicap that you forget about the game. What's your mind saying now? That, um, okay, so like, you know, like, there's like Peter, Kafa and Vatha, right?

So, like, I'm very Peter, right? So, like, like, so you, you mentioned, like, many times, like, these Peter people are just, like, the ordinary, like, just the average kind of people, right, in terms of statistics and class, whatever. And, like, the thing is, like, if I were to, like, play to my strengths, like, many people, people are like average and stuff like that. So like how can I play to my average strength? If I want to like innovation and like must be powerful, right? Like in terms of how you counter the goals matter, it must be stronger than that matter. Right. So how can average? Sorry,

I'm putting down myself, but like in a way, but like how can average stats be better than like other statistics? So it's a good question. So let's like answer it in a weird way. Okay. The first thing is that the reason your average is because it's an amalgamation of different qualities. Your total stat pool may be average, but there are some things that you're going to be better at. So one thing I'm already noticing is you have a very, very high level of self-awareness, of awareness of your internal environment. You're like in the top one to five percent of people I've ever talked to. So like your problem is that you think that like, okay, but how does that help if I can't change it, which is a good question.

I haven't quite figured that out yet. But I would say that the thing that makes me, the thing that I'm really good at is also self-awareness. Like, that's the thing that I'm really the best at. And so if we think about my ability to work with people, like my ability will work with people is all based on a very, very careful analysis of myself. The problem is that this is the kind of thing that is not easily translatable

into external success. Like it took me a while to craft my life to be suited to myself. But I was able to craft it because I was aware of what I was. Does that make sense? It's like playing the long game, definitely. Because the world is not...

You have to like craft the meta of your life to suit your internal characteristics. My mind is telling me like, Oh my God, I gotta wait again. I don't know, like, like, I just scared that that crafting is going to take so long. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yes. Yeah. And go ahead. Yeah, I'll just fall behind further. If I craft, if I try to innovate, because, because when you mention, like, innovation, I've always tried to do that in terms of my projects and assessments that they give. I always try to innovate.

But when I innovate, I get like B plusers. But if I stick to the matter, I get like A. So I'm like so scared now because like if I try to innovate in like that in that context as well, I'm scared that it won't work out. Sure. Yeah. No. I mean that that's that's the problem right.

That's the problem with changing the meta is that most people who try to change the meta fail. Right? Yeah, I can't fail. Why not? Okay. Sorry. Oh, it's like. Okay.

It's in like cause if I fail, it will take longer and I'll just have to try, try again. Okay. So now we see something really important. Now we're actually going to help you. the rest of it was for everyone else. But do you see how no matter what I say, we're coming back to this? Yep.

Yep, I see it. Okay. So now the question is what, so how long have you felt like you're falling? Let me put it this way. Actually, it's interesting because it's not just falling behind. I think we've actually stumbled upon something else. How long have you felt like you can't afford to fail?

Only recently, actually. Or like maybe it's like more prominent. When I actually got into the second tier college, right? When I got to do what I wanted. That was when I realized, oh, crap, yo, like, the universe has given me something, and I'm going to take it. So I'm going to use it properly,

and I'll use this, like, RNG, like, 0.1% luck that I have and use it good. Because I'm so unlucky that I'll never, like, even in games, I'm always very unlucky. So, like, if I, when I get that 0.1%, I got to use it to, like, the fullest potential. If not, I'm just wasting that zero. JT. Did you feel more,

did you feel like you were more behind before you got into Polytechnic or after you got into Polytechnic? After. So how do you understand that? Because, I guess in, like, in IT, I was still like, like, I didn't really care as to what kind of direction I was going. It didn't mean that well.

I mean, my grades were still okay, like 3.5, 3.6. But like, only when I got into, yeah, only when I got into Poly, that's when it changed. So let's think about that. What would you expect? If you've fallen behind and you take a step forward, would you expect that person to feel like they're catching up? Slowly? Yes, right, right? Yeah, but how did you feel when you got into Polytechnic?

In terms of catching up, uh, I was... Okay, sorry, I'm just trying to fight my inner thought because I'm like... No, just, just... Just shit out. Yeah, yeah, it's like... That was when I realized that, oh my God, I'm so far behind again. Or like, I like further behind and I thought.

Okay. So, you feel like you're super far behind, right? Oh my God, the iPad of truth, of knowledge. Okay. I used to watch your online webinars with this. So cool. Okay. Hold on.

Here's the problem. Okay. So now, let's say I'm, let me think about this. Okay. So let's say, let me think about what these axes are. So feeling of falling behind. Okay. And progress.

All right. Does that make sense? Yes. Okay. So. Yeah. So if we were to say, like, let's say I'm behind, right? So my progress is really low. And so how far behind do I feel? Do I feel really far behind or do I feel not very far behind? Like, far behind, I guess. Right? So this is where I am. Does that make sense? Yeah. I feel super, super bad because I haven't made any progress. And then as I make progress, what should happen to my feeling of falling behind? It should go lower. Right?

Yes. With me? Mm-hmm. Right? And then at some point we're going to even cross the X-axis. This is what the curve should look like. Okay? So now let's talk about you.

So let's call this IDE and let's call this Polytechnic. Okay. When you were at IDE... It's IT. Sorry. I talk very fast. Yeah, my bad. Okay.

I-T-E. So when you were at IT, let's just start you in the middle, okay? How far behind did you feel when you went to Polytechnic? Or increased. Right? So what can we deduce about as you make progress, how are you going to feel? Oh, crap. Sorry, it's just going to stay out.

It's going to peak and going to continue. you, whoever. So I know this sounds kind of weird, but how far behind do you feel right now? Where are you over here? Right? Like, let's say you're like over here. Mm-hmm. But what this means is along this line, the higher up you go on this axis, the worst you're

going to feel. I mean, like, like, do you see like it's weird? Because it's the opposite. So what we can almost infer is that the more behind you feel, the better you're doing. Now, I know, I know it doesn't make. any sense, but I'm just asking you to be scientific. I'll explain why in a second. Why this happens. But this is really important for you to understand. This is why you were terrified and I am not. Because I understand this is what your curve looks like. And that the higher up you go on over here,

actually what I'm paying attention to is this. And I see this for sure. That's why I'm not worried, bro. I'm really not. The problem is this is the way that your mind interpret. progress. Now, we're going to explain why this happens, but like, does this make sense to you? Yep, it does. Okay. So now let's explain it, okay? I'm going to stop sharing, okay? We're going to go back. So it's a really common problem. Okay? And then I know, I know it sounds weird, but, so when you're in when you were an ITE, right? You weren't actually playing the game. Yep.

That was it. So it's impossible to be behind when you play, when you're not playing the game. It's like, can't be behind if you're not trying. And so this is the really dangerous thing about feeling like you've fallen behind. As you start to catch up, you begin to realize, like, so if I'm at the bottom of a mountain, and I'm not going to climb it. Like, I don't know very far to go. There's a 10,000 foot mountain.

I'm sitting at the bottom like, yeah, I'm just going to play games all day. Like, I'm not going to, I don't need to climb the mountain. Like, fuck it. I don't need a goal. I'm just chilling. Screw that. Like, sure, you're filled with shame and stuff. You're just playing video games all day.

There's a land center that's at the base of the mountain. You're just kind of hanging out there. It's no big deal. Something dangerous really happens. As you start climbing the mountain, then you be. begin to realize, oh, crap. Once you climb a thousand feet, then you look up and you say, oh, I have 9,000 feet to go. So this is really, really tricky. But if you have the sumskar of falling behind, as you make progress, success makes it harder. Actually making progress makes the mental feeling

so much worse. It's really paradoxical. But once you understand it, actually makes perfect sense. We did an interview like over a year ago with a guy named Crucif that I think is a really fantastic interview. I don't know if it's on our YouTube channel. But Crucif is a guy who is really overweight and he was like falling behind. Like he was like stock in a lot of ways. And he had this really interesting thing where like he would like dig really deep, fight his inner demons and then would like start to lose weight. And he would do good for a week or two. And then like at the two week point, he felt like really, really bad. And we almost called it like a rubber band. Like he was attached to something like with like a rubber band. And then he would run away from it. And the farther he

ran away from it, the increased the tension of the rubber band and he would come snapping right back. Does that make sense? Yep. And so that's kind of like what you're doing too is like as you're actually making progress in a weird way, you feel like you're falling behind more. and more and more and more. Because now that you're in Polytechnic, what do you do? You compare yourself to your friend. But when you were in ITE, you weren't comparing yourself to him as much. And then what happens is like, let's say you get into university.

And if you're not careful, like you used to compare yourself to the people in university, right? Or maybe. But then once you become one of them, you're going to find something else to compare yourself to. And then as you move on, you're going to find something else. Even when you start making policy and you have the same job title as your friend, you're going to find someone else to make a comparison to.

This is why people, like, I'll work with people in investment banking. It's really common in banking because they get a promotion and they want to get the next promotion. You want to get the next promotion. You want to get the next promotion. That feeling of falling behind, JT, you carry within you. and your mind will find whatever kind of comparison it needs to make, it'll find, like, you know, thousands of people. Why do you compare yourself to this friend? Because it reinforces the feeling of falling behind. The feeling of falling behind is its own entity that will push aside any data

that makes it feel weak and will latch on to any data that makes it feel validated. Does that make sense? Yep. They're just discrediting my achievements and just focusing on my negatives and what I should improve on. Yeah. Yeah, you do that, right?

Yeah. Right? So, so like you can... Oh, my God, I do that. Yeah, sorry. Yeah, go ahead. No, no, no. Because, like, I always thought that it wasn't like a bad thing that I'm trying to make improvement.

Because I always jot them down on my phone, like, what I'm supposed to improve on. Yeah, I don't know. I guess I didn't know it was like a man adaptive. So it's not a bad thing. The question, so all of these things, JT, in your mind, are not bad. The only thing that's bad is who is in control. So like, I'm not saying you should stop trying to improve. Like, you should absolutely try to improve.

The question. is, is that desire for improvement coming from a place of this is what I need to do to catch up? Or is it an improve? Is it about, is this what I need to do next? Right? These are two very different things. So I'm going to bust out the iPad one more time. Okay. So now like here's the tricky thing. So right now when you think about improvement, there are two ways to think about improvement. Okay. What is a goal focus? So this is like the future. This is your goal.

This is your friend. So when you think about improvement, are you trying to go from here to here? Because this is an improvement out of a deficiency. Does that make sense? Yep. Like so improving from here to here is fine. Like being in the present and saying,

what is one thing I can do to make one step forward? That is present focus. This is what you're looking at. This is where I am. This is who I am. This is where I am. I need to, you know, I have a 3.79 and I need to make it a 3.9. That I think is a healthy improvement because this has to do with your goal, right?

This is like where I am, this is the next step that I need to take. But if your goal depends on this over here, if this is where you are, if you're in the future, then what you're going to create is no matter, this is the only stuff you could take. dude, this is how long your leg is, right? This is your leg. You can only move this much. And if this is your goal, if you move this much, this is going to be not enough. Do you understand?

Yep. So every step you take, what is the thought in your mind? Not enough. Not enough. If your mind is over here. So in a bizarre way, the more you move forward. forward, the more behind you feel. Because what is the emotion that you're reinforcing within yourself? What is the sum scar you're building? Not enough. It's never enough. Even though you're

making progress. So what you need to do is like, I know it sounds like this is where we got like people say this really simple stuff like focus on the present. Like yeah, like why, how? Like what's the deal? This is why this is important. Because as long as you are thinking about your end goal of being Dr. K, never going to be enough, right? JT., you will never be me, nor should you try to. Because like the patch, like the meta and the patches, like I arose in a particular meta. That meta is going to change by the time like you're ready. So you shouldn't try to be me. You shouldn't try to be your friend.

You shouldn't try to be anything, really. Just be who you are and focus on the next step and recognize that even though you're moving forward, you're going to feel like it's not enough. But like all of that shit, I don't know how to say this man. Like it's all wrong. It's all false. It's all a construction of the mind based on this idea of falling behind. Because here's the problem is like, this is where you are. Like, this is where you are. That's it. There's no falling behind. Like, this is where I am. Like, that's it. If I say I've fallen behind this much, now I've created an artificial construction. If I fallen behind this much, now I've created an artificial construction.

Right? So you're 20 years old and you're comparing yourself, like you're hanging out with 18 year olds. So maybe like that's the gap here. Okay. But like it doesn't matter. Like all this stuff is false. Like this is just where you are. If you're a 20 year old and Polytechnic with a 3.79 GPA, your road forward is absolutely the same. Whether you fall in behind or not. The big difference is that one of these things, is that one of these things, is going to help you anytime you take a step forward and one of these things is going to make you feel worse

every time you take a step forward. Yep. I see it. Then how do I combat that that Sam's scar I guess or like how do I combat that that fear of falling behind or like not or telling myself that I'll just go on my own base

and stuff like that? How do I combat the fact that I tell myself that I'm not enough? Yeah. Okay, so good. So the answer is you don't combat it. So what you need is not to combat yourself. You need compassion towards yourself.

So what I want you to imagine is like you've become successful. Okay. So you're Dr. J.T. And there's like a 20 year old who's going to come to you and is going to be like, Dr. J.T. I've fallen behind. And like how, what are you going to tell him? what have you fallen behind on?

Okay, sure. Yeah, so like ask yourself questions, right? That's good. And then what? Like, I guess, like, identify what I'm falling behind on? And whether or not that factor of falling behind is, is changeable in any way. Okay. So, like, in terms of my age or, like, my height or, like, or falling behind in,

grades, it's just like, it's just that, it's just that you just have that thing. Yeah, I don't know. Yep. You're, you're, you're, you're, you're, that's correct. That's correct. You can't change it. Yeah. And then he comes my mind. Yeah, my mind tells me that oh my, my, then I'm supposed to be happy with being this way or like, but what if I want to aim higher, you know? What about? High standards. Then then I don't say, so let's roll reversal. Okay. But I'm, I'm 38. And I've fallen behind, Dr. JT.

What should I do? Can you help me? I, so, I'll, yeah, I can, I don't know where to start, but it's just,

why have you fallen behind on? Or like, let's say maybe like you're too late. Yeah, so I want to be, I want to be a professional. Dota player, but I've wasted the last 15 years of my life becoming a doctor. What a waste. Oh, sorry. Like, are you like taking any steps to improve on it in terms of like maybe you're

playing a lot, stuff like that? No, I actually uninstalled Dota a week ago. Ooh. Then why do you, what do you have this worry about wanting to do like, what are you worry about falling behind when you're not like taking steps to improve on it. That's a really good question. See, like that's good, right? Like, that's great.

So like, like, just inquire. Right? Like, and so I could say, but I want to be a Dota player. And then you can point out that like if you want to be a Dota, like a pro Dota player, like, you know, install Dota. That's the first step. Right? And that's what you would tell me to do.

I mean, maybe you're going to tell me that's not going to be possible. You can't become a Dota pro at your age, which I probably can't. Right? So if you would tell me that, then like, what would you say to me? Like, do you think I can become a pro Dota player at my age? That's like such a bad psychologist slash psychiatrist if I tell you do not. But like realistically, like, no, right? You can't, you can try.

You can always try your best and see how it plans out for you. you know, like, and then offer them like these ways that they can help. But like in the end, if it doesn't work out, you just have to like accept it. Or like, yeah. Yeah. Right. So I think you know what you have to tell yourself. And this is the kind of thing where it's like, you know, when you, when that voice comes up and says this is not enough.

What I want you to recognize is that like that voice is a part of you, but it is not the whole you. Right. And so what you need in that moment is actually. like some degree of like validation and reassure like validation and faith actually. So you can say, you're right. I am behind. And I'm going to keep moving forward anyway. I don't need to catch up. I just need to move forward. And then the voice is going to tell you, but it's never going to be enough. And so then you're going to tell the voice, you're going to say, you may be right. It may never be enough. So what should we do about that? Right? Like talk, like recognize like,

like, what are you going to do? Like, so don't argue with it. Be like, yeah, you're right. Like, I can never go back in time and be 15 and learn how to study well. And therefore, I will always be two years behind my colleagues. Or 40 years behind my colleagues. I'm going to be behind for the rest of my life. Now what? Right? So like that's... What is your mind saying?

It's saying nothing. Yeah. It's like, it doesn't have an answer for it. Exactly. That's how you disarm it. It's weird, right? Hmm.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I always thought like awareness would be good or like just noticing there will disappear. Oh, hey, yeah. No, no, it is good. It is good. You're chipping away at it.

The problem is that every time, like some battles, it wins and some battles you win. Awareness is helping, but every time you make that comparison, every time you take a step forward, it actually gets reinforced because you tell yourself it's not enough, it's not enough, it's not enough. So you are shrinking it and it also feeding it at the same time. No, wonder there was no progress. No, there was problems.

Or little, little, little. Yeah. I mean, you've come a long way, dude. Yeah. Right? Because like you used, it sounds like you used to play games all day. Yes, like all day, yeah. And how many hours a week do you play now? Now is the holiday.

So like, but like obviously like, because like I study in the morning, right? So like I studied like four hours or like two, two, three hours. And then I was just starting because like my mind doesn't attack me anymore. So yeah, it's good. Yeah. Yeah, man. Like do you do you not get like how enviable you are to so many people who are watching right now, like they would kill for that.

Yeah, but something, sorry, my mind is going to discredit me again, but it's just like, I have to do that. if not, I don't, if not, I can't. Because like, normal people, like, the way I'm studying right now is like, I'm revising the revising. So like, I'm triple revising so that when the revision comes, I'm like triple revise so that I know because I'm not that smart, right? I can only rely on my hard work.

Like, because that's why I need that thing. Other people, they don't really need to study a lot. Let's just like a little bit, they picket. But like, just, yeah, I need to do that. Yeah. Good. I don't think that that's bad at all. I love that statement.

You need to do, J.T., what you need to do. That's how you will be successful. I need to do it because I need to do it. Other people aren't that smart. Who the fuck cares? Whether you're smarter or they're dumber, that is irrelevant. What matters is what you need to do. and every step of the way,

if you want to step-by-step guide to being Dr. K, it's do what you need to do. And don't worry about what anyone else is doing. Like, you have to play the game, right? Like, doing what you need to do. It's not like I just wake up one day and like, here I am. No, like I have to, you know, I have to work hard.

I have to decide, like, okay, I'm going to go to medical school because it's what I want to do. When I went into medical school, I wasn't even going to be a psychiatrist. I wanted to do oncology and I wanted to, like, save people. people's lives who had cancer.

And then, like, when I thought about being a psychiatrist, like, my family was like, you're joking, right? Because they're like, why would you want to be like, you're joking, right? So the world is going to tell you, like, that oncologists, and definitely, you know, the world says this a lot, that oncologists are worth more than psychiatrists. Because cancer is real. And if you want to be a real doctor, like, that's like, helping people with cancer because how much more of a doctor can you be?

So forget about the world, man, and you're like, you just do you and like walk your path every single day and recognize that like, you know, you're going to feel behind and so be it. You are you going to do about it? You got to start somewhere. Don't fight that voice like you're doing notice it. You know, you can even like thank it in a weird way, right? because part of the reason that you've gotten to where you are is because it has told you that this isn't enough and it drives you forward. So try like different things, which is just like acknowledge.

Right. Be like, yeah, like I've fallen behind. Recognize that. So when you're like 35 and starting university, you know, like there's going to be, how did you respond to that? shock I'm just like maybe it might be real it

like maybe I'm just like that what you're telling me now is like acknowledge it and stuff like that right because like I think like

similar to a lot of interviews interviews they've done right most of them don't want to change this stuff right because like it's like it's like productive for them even though it's toxic in a way I'm just scared that if like

I debate it right and like talk to and stuff like that right that won't give me the drive to to work as hard or like work super super hard. Yeah. So that's why I'm saying once again, not don't get rid of it. You should be in control of it.

It should not be in control of you. Right. So recognize that the feeling like you've fallen behind is like a temporary buff that comes with like a long term debuff. Right. So you do use it and you should be grateful. So like recognize that there's like an 18 year old kid inside you who's terrified that he's never going to be enough. And what I would encourage you to do is talk to yourself the way that you would to a younger brother who feels like they've fallen behind.

Right. Like you want to be encouraging. You also don't want to like lie to them. You don't want to say like, oh, no, everything will be okay. Like you're beautiful and I love you. Like everything will be fine. No, you're going to tell them like, hey man. Like you are behind, but like you got to start somewhere.

And I have faith in you. You can do it. Like you've shown me that you've come this far. You went from like ITE to Polytechnic. You have a 3.79 GPA, almost 3.8. You need to shoot for a 3.9. So you got to start working your ass off. I'm proud of you for even on your holiday or whatever.

Like, you know, it sounds like you study two to four hours a day. And you're revising things for the third time, which is awesome. And I don't know if you're. you're ever going to catch up. But if you are, I think revising things three time is the way that it's going to happen. What is your voice, what does your mind say to that? Yeah, I just have to keep going at it. But yeah, I'm just thinking like, when do I like allow it to like like a like a like a buff me?

And when do I like, I cause it's very hard for me to notice when it's a debuff and when it's a buff. Because like sometimes I just think that it's just a debuff. And that debuff kind of like creates a new buff. of moving forward and then that will make me, how do I identify that? Yeah, so it's generally speaking, you want to get rid of this. Okay?

Generally speaking, but it's going to take time. And I have to be really careful because I'm trying to give you, so you keep on asking me questions about the future and I'm trying to avoid giving you, like, answers about the future. You're like, how do I tell you?

You just keep doing what you're doing, man. Don't worry about it, basically. But generally speaking, I do believe this is a, negative sumskar. And in like just about everyone that I've worked with where we've worked through falling behind, when they no longer have that mental complex, they start to do better. Now, the problem is that if I tell you that, your mind is going to create a new goal and then you're going to start telling yourself, oh, I need to get rid of falling behind. I need to get rid of

falling behind. I'm not getting rid of it fast enough. I'm not getting rid of it fast enough. And it's just going to, the whole fucking cycle is going to start over again. But if you really want an answer like you need to get rid of it. But just... Where do you find that? Um, scholar? All right. I mean, so this is where, you know, I think it's like, it's a whole other conversation, but, you know, I'd say like it goes into how long have you felt desperate?

Actually, forget about that. We're going to go, we're going to go try to speed run this. Okay, so tell me about your romantic relationships. I've only had one, but it wasn't really real. And it wasn't really like, I mean, like, I don't really consider it like real stuff because it was really doxing and bad. And that's it. That was like six years ago. How do you?

Like four years ago, two years ago. Okay. And how do you feel about like, have you fallen behind in terms of like girlfriends' relationships? You're heterosexual? Yes Okay Following behind that I mean

I don't know I just go on my own face I'm like I mean it doesn't really affect me Like whether or not I'm single or not Great, okay So like that's good

So it doesn't seem to apply there Oh but sometimes it It comes up Yeah but just sometimes like It will come up Like my feeling of loneliness And stuff I'll try like notice it

Because like sometimes it'll affect my actions And how I interact with people how do you mean like okay my best friend right so like I'll just like I'll just complain to him that I'm single and I want to change it and stuff like that and then it will give me solutions then after once I notice it I'm just like you know actually you know it's just like it's just how I feel sometimes sometimes it comes up yeah it's just a thing it's not really how I feel

it goes back down yeah cool so like like over time are you feeling the loneliness grow or shrink or stay about the same I guess now I would say it's drinking actually. Yeah, I'm kind of like okay with it. Yes. So I think the big difference, if we look at falling behind, right, when it comes to your professional career, academic, stuff like that, I think you do a lot more things to feed the Smskar,

which paradoxically is what we talked about with like moving from ITE to Polytechnic. You felt so much relief. And you were like, oh crap, I've fallen so far. Now I'm playing the game. Like, I just started the race. Like, everyone else started a few years ago, and I'm starting now. Right. And so I've like missed, like, the whole everyone's like ahead of me and I'm starting late. So, so I think the relationship is actually a really good example of like how to do it well. Right? Because like, it's interesting because you're doing all the stuff that I'm telling you to do professionally. Because you're saying,

oh, I'm just lonely. Like you don't tell yourself, oh, I shouldn't be lonely. Oh, I need to be with someone. you're just like, hey, sometimes you feel lonely. And like, the reason I feel lonely is because I'm alone. That's okay. Like, it'll work itself out, hopefully, eventually. Right? You're just kind of chill with it. It's just like there.

You're like, does it, is it feel bad? Yeah. But like you don't, your mind does not feed off of that. Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah. Whereas with falling behind, your mind like really feeds off of it, right? And starts like, like, oh my God, then this is going to happen and this is going to happen. And then I'm going to do this.

And this is going to have never, never going to be. be enough and look what that guy's doing and look at that like you don't do that when it comes to loneliness you just kind of acknowledge the feeling you sit with it whereas there are definitely people who have it reversed right their professional career is like going okay but when it comes to their romantic life their life is like oh my god i've fallen so far behind like i know i'm okay like and with my job it's like eh like i didn't get promoted like who the fuck cares you know i'll get there eventually and then when it comes to their personal life they're like i'm going to be alone forever like no one's ever going to like i don't know what to do

like i'll give you more realistic thoughts it's not i'm going to be a alone forever. It's like other people learned how to date in high school and I did not. Other people learned how to date in college and now I'm 25 years old and I don't even know how to date. Like it's going to be so hard for me to ever find anyone because like everyone has more experience than I do and like I missed that boat and now I'm screwed. I've fallen so far behind. Right. But your mind doesn't do that it sounds like when it comes to dating. I was hoping it would and then we would, you know, get an easy answer. But an interesting way, I'd say, do you see the difference between your professional stuff and your dating stuff and how you

respond to your mind? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I would say, JT, there are two ways to deal with a somskar, basically, okay? One is to notice its action in the present. You actually don't need to go digging into the past and you can just work on it every time it arises. The second way is to dig into the past. Usually what we do on stream is actually digging into the past. But the reason that I kind of went this way with you today is because I think you're actually genuinely really good at noticing in the present. So this is something that most of the guests that we come on, I actually don't know if they're capable or not, but it feels easier. It feels like I have to teach them so much more to do what I did with you today. It's way easier to ask people like, you know, how their dad

didn't get, you know, got their brother a Nintendo Switch for their birthday and I didn't get a Nintendo Switch and then I felt a lot. Like, it's easier that way. But I don't know that we're going to have time to really open up that whole discussion. And I also don't want to lose anything from what we've gained by like moving on.

How does that sound to you? Yeah, yeah, I think that sounds very fair. I'm also going to like revise this later anyways. Like, just see any tips I can improve on later. Yeah. Yeah. Questions? Isn't there any, like, specific meditation to, like, stop this?

Because, like, sometimes, like, the meditation I do is, like, I don't really think it addresses it as much. Or, like, it just, like, relieves my, it just released my neurotism for, like, a period of time. Yep, yep. So let me think about that. That's a good question. Would it be easier, like, if I inform you of the meditation that I do? Sure. Okay, sorry, I just let me put it on my throat.

I do like a yogic sleep on an alternative day. And then another day I'll do like, like the mantra that you gave. And then also the rum, sorry, rum, bum, lum, lum, lamb, thing. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Okay. Damn, dude.

You're a real tryhard, bro. Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm a sweaty. I'm like, it's impressive, man. Yeah. Okay. So let's talk about,

okay, so since you have some background, we're going to, this is great. Okay. So I'm going to give you advanced versions of two of the practices that you're doing. Okay. Okay.

So the first is yoga nidra. So what you need to do is develop a sankalp. Oh, I have. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, I am capable. Tricky, tricky, tricky, tricky, tricky. Oh. So, okay, so, okay, tricky, tricky. So, this is going to be subtle, okay? So there's a weird question. So let's think about this, okay? you are capable involves what time.

What does that mean? So like capability is about what it's a, I don't even know how to ask this. It's so subtle, but that Sunkulp is exactly incorrect. So like capability is about what you are going to become. It's about catching up. Does that make sense?

It's a potential that is not realized. but one day you will be, right? One day you'll catch it. It's like the exact wrong thing. And it's such a good, I mean, I don't blame you for picking it. I think it's beautiful that you picked it. And that you shared it and that you were like, here's the things. It's like perfect.

It's like carmically perfect. But do you see how like that is reinforcing the wrong thing? I did not really understand that. Yeah, and you're not going to, right? This is why sunculps are usually given. by like teachers, right? Because like, and this is, like, but do you see, like, and this is really why, like, this meditation stuff is shouldn't be taught over the internet.

But like, it's a good example of something that seems really positive. I, we can totally understand why your mind generated it. Because it's like exactly what your mind wants, right? It's the dream that your mind is attached to. And it's saying, if I do this practice, I will catch up. I will achieve my dream. I will get there one day. I will climb to the top of the mountain.

I am capable of getting to the top of the mountain. But the eyes are still at the top of the mountain instead of the next step that you need to take. So let me just think about that for a second. So we got to remap your Sunkulp. Does that make sense? You with me? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I always thought it was so helpful because it was such a good buff. Like, I've used it so much. So much. Yeah. So I think it is a good buff and a debuff. Yeah. Right? So, so, so it's, I think it's like, it's, like, there's no doubt in my mind that it's helped you. And I think like, time to let that go.

Um, I think this is going to be too far for you. But one thought that comes into my mind, we're going to find a different one. This is going to create too much tension. I think if, if you could replace it with I don't need to. be capable. Okay. I'll try that. But, but how do you, how does your mind react to that? I think, uh, based on this interview, I think, uh, my, my mind has kind of accepted it. Okay, I'll just try it because it's like something new. Right. Maybe my work. Okay. Let me try to come up with something better. Um, so you can do a mantra of so hum. Okay. So, so is going to be your inhalation.

If you close your eyes and you just listen to it, you'll, you may hear something like, and then the inhalation and exhalation, you may be able to hear that. But what Soha means is I am that which I am. So it, you just, you are you. And like, it sounds kind of weird, but like in your own breath, you can, like, you know, when you breathe and you just like feel yourself, like, that's all you. are. So I would say you can use that as a, so the Sun Kulp will be like, I am what I am, period. Okay. Wait, so do I change the mantra as well? Because like I do the, because I think you gave it

when you were interviewing the Russian Asian or something like, Aham Brahmasmi. Like, Aham Brahmasmi is not what you want. Oh, okay. So. Okay. So, so. Yep. Yep. So Aham Brasmi is a little bit different. So, yeah, so like you're, I would say like if you're going to repeat an English or I don't know what your native language is, but like a sunculpe along the lines of something like I'll get there or what I am is good enough or I am what I am, period. Like you like, so if you like I am what I am and then in terms of your mantra practice, I would change that to. the so hum. So what's...

Okay. Oh, sorry. Yeah, go ahead. Oh, uh, because like, uh, so like, because I want to get this right. Cause I also use the beats, right? When, yep. Because you say like, there's like boughs and stuff. So like I, I, I use my, the pre beats and like, so I just inhale and then, like,

I say so hum and then I exhale and then I move on like to the next. Yep. So, so this is where we're going to go to advanced practice. Okay. So, so hum. So, so hum. So you can say so hum. and then what I want you to do is with each bead,

I want you to hear So hum within your breath. So close your eyes. Okay. Do I get the beat? Sorry. Is it okay if I get the beat? Yeah, you can get the beats. Okay.

Okay. So close your eyes. Okay. Can you hear me if you have your headphones off? Yeah, yeah. I have you on speakers. Okay, okay. So close your eyes.

sit up straight. Actually, let me go get a set of beads. Hold on. Okay. So we're going to teach you guys joppa, okay? So I got to. Okay. So let's do a quick refresher. This is the guru bead. Okay? The guru bead is like going to be at the end. And what we want to do is in generally speaking, your right hand, you want to hold the bead between you don't want to use your pinky finger or your index finger. So what we're going to do is rotate it between the fourth finger, the third finger. I don't know, it looks hard. I'm just trying to copy it poorly. I know it sounds kind of weird, but just move it without using your index or your pinky finger. Oh, okay, yeah, I see it. And then it's going to be easy, okay? So what we're going to do is,

is I don't know how many beads your mara has, but in the Hindu tradition, they have 108. So we're going to go all the way around, right? One at a time, I'll teach you how to do this. And then once you hit the guru bead, you actually don't cross it. What you do is then you start going, you flip the mara around and you go back the other way. Okay? So you can absolutely chant so hum. I'm not going to chant it for weird reasons, but you can chant it.

But what I would recommend is that you try to hear it. Okay? So as you sit up straight, you know, you've got your mara, and then breathe in and out. Okay, can you hear it? No. Can you hear the soul and the hum? Yeah, it's very low. So you can increase the sound,

you can increase the speed of your inhalation and your exhalation to increase the volume. Oh, of the, of the, oh, okay, okay. I was saying like low as a low in pitch. Yes. Yeah, it's going to be, yeah, I think that makes sense. I'd never thought about pitch, but I think that'll make sense. So, yeah.

So I'd say, I'd say, you know, change your sankal. And Ahambramasmi is like, yeah, I don't think, I don't think it's where you are. That too is like, ahambramasmi means I am the universe. And I think you're, some people need to be more connected to the outside world. Like, but I don't think that's your problem. Actually, I think your problem is that like your way to your, your sense of self. is like caught up in the outside world. Right? Like you need to be less connected, not more.

And I'm not saying you shouldn't, by all means continue to study and stuff, but like all this stuff about the meritocracy and what you have to be in with the world wants you to be like, you need to pull away from all that. Okay? Okay. So quick reminder of Jop practice.

So let's practice together for about 60 seconds, okay? Yep. And we'll practice for like, let's say like two minutes. Okay, so. And your back is straight. How's your, do you do yoga and stuff or no?

Yep, I do it in the morning before I do my meditation. Okay, good. All right. So set up straight and begin. Go ahead and come on back when you're ready.

Yeah, I mean, I didn't manage to like restart it. Like I was, I was a halfway. Yeah, you don't have to go fast. Bye. God. I'm so grateful.

I'm just so grateful to have this opportunity and like just like, It's just so real that I'm meeting you as well. And I'm just grateful to be here. Just like here as in every way, alive, present. Wow. Thank you. So you know how we talked about living in the present? You know that feeling that you have right now?

That's your anchor. This is what it is to be in the present. You know, so when people talk about like enlightenment or Moksha being in the present, it's a weird feeling of like gratitude and appreciation and presence. Like, that's what it feels like, right? Like, it feels like amazing to just be fully here. So you're doing everything right, man. Like, if you can feel this way in this moment, you are doing everything right. Because how could you be doing anything wrong and feel this way? Oh, my God. Okay, yep, I'm just, wow. Yeah. Yep. Yep. Right. Cool. Cool. Good luck, JT.

Thank you. Yeah. Good luck, man. Thank you. You're very welcome. Okay. Goodbye. Thank you.

Bye. Okay. That was unexpected, chat, but wonderful to be sure.