HealthyGamerGG - Everything is Cringe

Episode Date: January 12, 2022

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The positive feedback, the reassurance is going to come from the outside world. But unless you attend to the outside world, if your attention is focused on the inside, then all you're going to experience is the cringe over and over and over and over and over again. I find everything cringy. So I'm finding everything in life cringy. My attempts at conversations just make me feel cringy. Seeing others conversate is cringy. Seeing everything in social media is cringy.

People around me make me cringe, and I try to avoid being around when I want to make friends. It makes me feel like everyone is trying too hard and are just corny, especially when the conversations are just random nonsense. I feel like this is holding me back from engaging and making me feel like a bad guy. Even when I play multiplayer games, I cringe at anyone using meta weapons just trying too hard. In my head right now, I understand why anyone would do what they do, and of course they need to use meta to secure the dub. but when I'm in the moment, I just find myself cringing at everything necessary in life. Any tips or explanations on this I would severely appreciate. Fantastic post.

Okay. So let's try to understand. This is going to be kind of like an internal answer to this. So if you're concerned that things are too cringy and you think you yourself are cringy and that other people are cringy, we're going to approach this in two angles. One is we're going to talk like internally. where cringe comes from, and we're going to talk about externally, like what it means to actually be cringy. Okay?

So the first thing to understand is that cringe is essentially a judgment, right? So if you label something as cringy, that is a judgment you are making on something else. So if you want to be less, like if you think the world is way too cringy, this is actually a problem of your mind judging too harshly. Now, I'm not quite sure exactly why this person thinks everything is cringed, where that judgment comes from, but if we think about what capacity of the mind, what part of the mind labels things that's cringe, it's essentially a judgment. So in terms of social interaction, sometimes we have difficulty interacting with other people because we feel we're cringy. This person didn't explicitly say that, but I sort of, maybe they did. but I'm sort of getting the sense that they have difficulty interacting with other people because they feel that they are cringe because in turn they think everyone else is cringe and

everything is cringe. So this is the challenge is that I think if you're... How can I say this? The first thing to understand is that if your mind is like way thinking about cringe too much, you're not actually attuning to the outside world. So the process of labeling something is cringe, the process of believing that you yourself are cringe is actually a judgment that you're carrying on in here, right? So you're like, you're playing this whole script in here, like judging that and you're like, oh my God,

that's so cringe. Like, you're not 100% paying attention to the conversation. You're not absorbed in the conversation. You're busy criticizing the conversation, thinking about the conversation. You're thinking about the conversation, right? You're on, almost on a meta level. Instead of participating in the thing, you're commenting about the thing. So, for example, if I eat a piece of food, and I enjoy the food, or I can be critical of the food. And the more critical I am of the food, the less I'm able to enjoy it because my mind is not attending to the outside world.

My mind's attention is on the internal world and a judgment that I'm making. So this is kind of the interesting thing, is that the negative energy in your mind will continue to cycle. This is why this person finds everything cringe, because their mind is in such a judgmental mode that all it knows how to do is like judge. So it's like Judgey McJudgerson. So everything that has,

happens, I'm going to judge it. I'm going to judge it. I'm going to judge it. So the first question is, how do you stop doing that? Right? So like, if my mind is in a highly judgmental mode, there are a couple of things that could be going on. The first is that you learned this from somewhere. Okay? So if you learned it from somewhere, that means, like, maybe you were judged a lot growing up, or like you're very, very sensitive to judgment, or you grew up with a parent who was constantly judging you. Therefore, your mind started to learn how to be very judgmental towards other people. So you need to connect those dots and then start to realize, oh, actually, this isn't like me actually thinking this is cringe. This is my mind's conditioning, labeling everything around me

is like insufficient in some way. Right. So that's the first question is like, where did you learn to become so judgmental? Second thing you can do is start to externalize. So if you find yourself being like super judgmental instead of like thinking those thoughts and being. trapped up here, try to absorb yourself in the experience of whatever you're doing. So if you're talking to someone, actually like stop and listen to them, right? Instead of judging what they say, like try to understand what they say. Try to understand where does this person come from. Even if I think it's cringe, where is it coming from?

For yourself, too, if you're judging yourself and you think you are cringe, notice that that too is internally focused, right? Your attention is not pointed towards the outside. When you speak words, you are not. attending to that person's response, you are just caught up with how your words could be perceived. So instead of actually paying attention to how your words are perceived, you're filled up in your mind with how they could be perceived and how cringe it could be. So I want you to just notice that like, if you think you are cringy and you have a lot of crippling social anxiety, notice that you're

not actually paying attention to the outside world. You're just in your own head. And this is why it can be so crippling because the positive feedback, the reassurance is never going to come from your head. The positive feedback, the reassurance is going to come from the outside world. But unless you attend to the outside world, if your attention is focused on the inside, then all you're going to experience is the cringe over and over and over and over and over again. Does that make sense? And these people feel stuck because the very solution they need, the medicine that they need, is not inside, it's on the outside, but their mind keeps on focusing on their internal thought

process. Okay? Does that make sense? So, cringe is born of judgment, the judging part of the mind, the munas. So you can try to think a little bit about where you learned how to be so judgmental, why you are so judgmental. And the solution is going to be actually attending to external stimuli. So really listen to what someone else is saying. Even if you think what you're saying is cringe, you're thinking that in your head, whereas you need to pay attention to the facial expressions of other people. What do they think? Okay. Are you? Are they enjoying the conversation? Try to, like, pay attention to the actual conversation.

Y'all are talking about something. Who cares how it's received or not received? Just have the conversation. So switch your attention externally. Now, this conversation would not be complete without actually talking about cringe. So here's the thing. How do you know if you're actually being cringy? So cringe, in my opinion, if I were to define it, what is cringe and what is not cringe?

cringe is forcing someone into an interaction. So it's like super, super cringe is like forcing something, okay? So I'll give you all an example. Like hitting on your waitress is cringe. Hitting on your waiter is cringe. Why? Because like they don't have a choice, right? Like who's the cringiest person?

Like your grabby uncle at the holidays. Grabby uncle comes over to you and is like, starts grabbing you and it's like you can't, what's cringe is like you can't really say no. Like it's not like a clear problem. Like it's not like a violation. It's not like an assault. It's not like something that you can go to jail for, but it's something that's forced

and people aren't given a choice to, like, interact with you or not. That's what's cringe. Right? So, like, if you're a gamer and then someone on voice chat is female and their genitals are different, like forcing an interaction with them is cringe. If you're in an anime convention

and there is a woman there and she is wearing a shirt of an anime that you like. Going over and talking to her, not cringe at all. Not paying attention to her signals and persisting in a conversation with her is cringe. So forcing an interaction is cringe. Right? Like that's the definition of cringe. So if you all want to learn like how do I actually be, so the first part was like you think you're cringy in your head, but you may not be cringy at all. Actually being cringy is one very, very, very, very simple thing, which is do I force interactions on other people. And if the answer to that is yes, you are being gringy. So this is like chain texting

someone who's not responding back to you. That is cringe. You're forcing them into an interaction. So if someone has an escape route, if someone does not have to interact with you and they choose to interact with you, then you are not being cringe. Okay? So if you guys are trying to figure out what cringe is, am I forcing people in their interactions? Am I letting people go if they want to go? Then I'm not being cringe because then it's totally cool it's like volitional like don't worry about it don't sweat it so just ask yourself this question am i forcing someone into an interaction because this is what's going to happen a lot of y'all that are concerned about being cringe are going to discover actually i'm not being cringe because i came over we're at a party i sat down they sat down we're talking for a

little bit they've had ample opportunity to leave and they haven't left yet so i'm not being cringe totally cool totally fine not a big deal on the flip side this is going to be scary because a lot of all are cringe. And you don't realize your cringe because you haven't really thought a little bit about the way you're forcing people into interactions. You're not really thinking about the passive aggressive crap that you do to get people to interact with you, right? Like when someone else is compassionate and then they don't respond to your text message and

then you like threaten self-harm because they're not responding, that is cringe. You're forcing them into an interaction, right? you're emotionally manipulative. So unfortunately, this happens all the time. Happens with random people on the internet. Happens in families. Happens when parents do it, right? When they guilt trip you into coming for the holidays.

Like, that's cringe. They're forcing an interaction on you. So you really need to think long and hard. Are you forcing interactions on people? Are you letting people leave gracefully? Or do they have to, like, push you away? Because that's what happens when someone is cringe, right? Like, the person who's on the receiving end of the cringe

has one of two options. They can escalate to the point of being somewhat inappropriate and they fucking hate doing that because then they seem crazy. Right? It's like if someone comes over to you and is like sexually suggested

but never says anything wrong and then you're like, dude, just get away from me. It's like the other person's like, what, you're overreacting. I didn't say anything. And then you feel like an idiot because you're like, yeah, like you didn't actually say anything

but you implied like way too much crap for me to be comfortable with. So you're like force people and this is what cringe people do. They like figure this out. They figure out, like, what's that sweet gray zone where, like, they don't clearly warrant a rejection, but they're like, I'm in the uncomfortable face, this phase, right? Like, I'm, like, kind of right in the middle, on the border of that boundary. So you've got to be super careful.

If you were cringe, ask yourself this question, do I let people leave the interaction gracefully? Or do they punish them for leaving? Because then you could be cringe. Questions about cringe. So the line between cringe and toxic. So toxic tends to be like damaging. I don't know that cringe is necessarily toxic. So you can have people who are not cringe and toxic and people who are cringe and not toxic.

There's like somewhat relatively harmless people. Now it gets blurry because oftentimes when you set a boundary with someone who is cringe, they will become toxic. So once like they're like kind of like, you know, Uncle Billy is like touching you a little bit too much. And then you're like, Uncle Billy, please stop touching me. And then Uncle Billy's like, what the hell is wrong with you? I'm your uncle. Like, what do you think? Pervert?

That's toxicity. So sometimes when you reject someone who's being cringe, they will manifest toxicity towards you. Right? Questions. No, it doesn't even have to be like molesting, by the way. It's just like, some people are just touchy and you're just not comfortable with that, you know? It doesn't have to be like sexual.

It's just, I had an uncle who would like to hold. my elbow when talking to them. They'd like shake my hand and hold my elbow and they'd like just hold the elbow. It's like weird. Okay. So one person is asking, so the more you're attached to people or things, the more cringe you are, sort of. So the whole point of cringe is that there's a discrepancy between how into their face you are and how much license you have to be in their face. So for example, like when you're married, right, like there's some, some interaction. which are not cringe because they're like acceptable given the level of your relationship. So there are things that, you know, like that would be cringe in a different relationship,

but in a marriage, like things are, you're allowed to have like more interactions, right? So it's like, I'm going to be around every day, for example. Like my wife is going to be around every day. Like we live in the same house. Whereas if someone else was like showing up that I wasn't married to and was around every day, like that would be kind of cringe in like forcing interactions. Does that make sense? So the more you're in a relationship, the more cringe behaviors in a sense.

I mean, they shouldn't be cringe, but the forced moves a little bit, right? Because there's going to be, like, more stuff that's, like, acceptable to do. Good question. When you need auto parts, O'Reilly Auto.com is just a few clicks away. We offer convenient options for you to get your parts quickly. Order online and pick up for free at your local O'Reilly Auto Parts store. We'll even bring it out curvy. side or you can have your parts delivered right to your door with free shipping on most orders

over thirty five dollars visit o'reilly auto dot com oh oh oh oh o're rightly parts yeah so dr k you can take you can take it too far the other way and appear cold how do you stop that absolutely so forcing interactions is cringe and then like being cold is like not having enough interaction so how do you stop that the answer is actually the same. So when you're cold, chances are you're still thinking a lot about how the interaction is going to go. And you're just airing on the side of being like enclosed. So we see this a lot with people who are socially anxious where they'll kind of come across as like cold because they're afraid of overstepping. Right. So they don't want to be like, so they end up like just kind of being in

their own head. And the more you're in your own head, the colder you're going to be, the more removed you're going to appear to other people because you're not like empathically interacting with them. You're not attending to their facial expressions, their words, things like that. So the more stuck you are in your own head, paradoxically, you can appear both cringe and you can appear cold. Okay? Can you grow to find cringy things as not cringe?

Absolutely. So if we're talking about the internal side, remember that cringe is essentially a judgment of the mind, right? So as we become less judgmental, we can start to appreciate things that, like, other people will regard as cringe. So, like, I'll give you just a simple example. So let's say that I really, there's someone who's dancing at a wedding who really doesn't know how to dance.

In watching them, a lot of people like, oh, my God, that's so cringe. Whereas, like, if you're non-judgmental, you're like, hey, like, that person doesn't know how to dance, but, man, they seem to be having a fantastic time. That is awesome. I'm so happy for them. Even though they're, like, really don't know how to dance. Everyone else is like, ugh. Right?

You can be like, cool. Person is just enjoying themselves. Fantastic. Right? It's okay. They don't have to be perfect dancers. Is there a meditation for cringe? We're going to try to make one up right now.

Let me think about this. Yeah, so I think what we're going to have to do. Yeah. Okay, I've got a meditation for you all. You're so screwed. Okay. So this meditation is going to be a little bit different. All right?

This is what we're going to do. you guys want a meditation for cringe. So remember, understanding cringe. So like our solution is going to be understanding stuff, right? So what I'm going to do, I'm going to put on headphones and I'm going to start listening to some music. And while I listen to the music, I'm going to just vibe with it on the internet. I have no sense of rhythm. So Dr. Kay is super bad at this kind of thing.

But I'm just going to listen to my music and I'm going to vibe with it. And you all aren't going to be able to hear it because what I want you to do is vibe with your own music. So turn on some music and just vibe. People are saying, oh my God, no, no, no, no, no, no. Can you feel the cringe coming up? And then we're going to sit with that sensation. Okay.

And everyone's like, oh, my God, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Don't do it, don't do it. Right? So you feel that cringe arising. So this is how we're going to master the sensation of cringe. We're going to evoke it, learn how to tolerate it, right? Like we're going to let it be there. We're going to let it wash through us.

and then we're going to be like, okay, at the end. Okay? All right, so I'm going to put this on. I'm going to start vibing. Okay? It was great. I feel so embarrassed. It's so hard.

Oh, my God. What have I got myself into? Okay, let's go. I can feel that cringe coming up. Feel that cringe. Feel it. Feel how idiotic you feel. And now listen to the music.

Take a deep breath. Feel the racing of your heart. So now I'm feeling like, I need to move my body more. And that makes me feel more cringe, but we're going to move, move. Enjoy the music. Right?

So, feel it. Now, feel it. Let the whole world judge you, but you're going to enjoy this moment. Breathe. Listen to the music. Big deep breath. All right, my song ended too.

Wasn't that great? So people are wondering, meditation for cringe. So you feel so damn cringe when you're doing. Like all these people are watching you. Like, I don't know how to dance. Like, what are they going to think? But just like focus on the sensation, right?

Like, don't focus on the cringe. You're going to feel it. You're going to feel it. Oh, my God. It feels so bad. And then as you externalize to the sound of the music, as you let yourself getting caught up in the music and out of your mind, you'll start to feel better.

You can use the breath as a tool. So big deep breath, let it and move. You know, feel that movement, feel that music. Take a big, big deep breath in and then breathe out. Now, everyone's wondering, what did I listen to? So I'm debating about whether that's an important part of this or not. Right? So like if you guys are thinking about what I listen to, eh, why is that important?

The question is, what are you going to listen to? Right? I can, I have, I think my playlists are public. Okay. So that's phase one of the practice. All right? That's just phase one. Now, you're going to notice those feelings of cringe.

The more that you get into the music, the more you're going to be okay with the cringe. This is still plain. So that's phase number one. So breathe into it, get used to it. You can do it on your own if you want to. Next thing that we're going to do is we're actually going to do it in front of other people. So you're going to go to a public place, phase two of the practice. put on your headphones, go to a park,

start jamming out, other people are going to see you, you're going to feel super cringe. Oh my God. But what's, you guys think I'm done? No, no, no, no, no, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. We're just getting started, dude. Right?

So you're going to go into a public place. And you're going to jam out to your music. Because here's the cool thing. You're going to discover something awesome is that you can enjoy that song just as much if there are other people around. Right? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

You guys want to learn real meditation, right? Don't you want to learn, like, real meditation? So now that we've practiced at home, we're going to do this three times at home, we're going to go out in the public, we're going to walk down the street, we're going to jam to our music. We're going to jam. You know, people are going to be looking at us. You're going to look at it.

You're going to phase three. You're ready for this? Phase three? Like, you're going to be jamming out. You're going to make eye contact with someone. You're going to be like, yeah, what's up? You're going to be like, mm, and just walk right past. Eye contact, pump the shoulders, and move right past.

That's it. That's it. Y'all got me? Right? That's what we're going to do. So phase three, you're like, you're going to acknowledge to other people. Like, I know you see me. I see you. I'm vibing. Having the time of my life. That's how it is. Hi.

Dancing for each years? Not right now. Thank you. All right. That's phase three. So if you guys really want to overcome cringe, if people are saying like, okay, how do I overcome cringe? This is a meditation to do it. So you're going to use your tools of meditation, grounding yourself in the breath.

do practices at home, right? So you should do Nadi Shodana and like home chanting and all that crap. And then let yourself get lost in the music. Focus all of your attention on the music. Feel the music. Let it come out through your body. Do it at home first. You're going to feel a little bit cringe.

You're going to breathe your way through it. Next, you're going to do it in public. You're going to feel even more cringe, but now you've practiced. You've lifted those light weight. So now this is a heavier weight, but you're going to be ready for it. Your mind is going to be ready for it. You're going to feel terrible. And then something magical is going to happen.

As you work through that cringe, you're going to feel amazing because now the other, the opinions of other people are no longer holding you back. You're not dictating your life based on what other people think. Because dictating your life based on what other people think is a terrible way to live life, you're going to be you. And that's totally fine. You're completely comfortable with it. Side effect, building confidence.

Three, you can sit on a park bench, you can close your eyes for phase two. You can just vibe a little bit. People can walk by. They can judge you a little bit. let them judge you. Phase three, eyes open, baby. Walking down the street, make eye contact. Right?

That's what we're going to do. You're going to smile at people and you're going to move on. Right? You're not going to force any kind of interaction. You're not going to talk to him. Here's the thing. If there's some crazy dumbass who's listening to music, jamming out, looks at you, smiles and nods their head.

Who do you think is more embarrassed? Who do you think is like, like other people can't handle that? But they're going to, I guarantee you will make someone. day. They won't even understand what the hell is going on and you will make their day. Because for a moment, they're going to feel embarrassed. They're going to feel accepted. They're going to feel like, this guy is such an idiot, but it's just like pure positive energy. It's amazing. You guys get that? Like, this is, this, back when Wild Dr. K walked the streets of Boston, sometimes a wild Dr. K would do this to people. Right? You're just going to live your life.

You're going to look at other people. You're going to make contact. You're going to smile. You're going to do your thing. You're going to move on. And for that moment in time, I can guarantee you, I can guarantee you that in that moment in time, there will be like a moment of happiness for another human being. Like, this person's so crazy. But in that moment, they will forget about their student loans.

They will forget about their breakup. They will forget about, you know, how they need to study for their test. For one moment in time, you will give them such a gift. And then you're just going to move on with your life. They're going to be like, what the hell was that? I don't even know. You're going to leave him like, what the?

And that's it. That's phase number three. Okay? This is a meditation for cringe. Who are you rating, chat? This has been such a painful idea to think about what the hell. That's the whole point. It's a meditation on cringe.

Like what? You think we're going to be academic about it and be like, oh, my God, this is cringe. This is the natures of cringe. This is how we classify it's a cringe. There are three attributes of cringe. There's this fun, this, this one. And then your mind is like, oh, yeah, okay, cool.

I understand cringe now. Great. I'm more knowledgeable. Good job, me. No, we have to like live it, right? So meditation is about experience. That is what the real self is. To feel that cringe within you and work through it.

As opposed to like armchair quarterbacking, I'm going to watch a YouTube video about cringe, and then I'm going to watch 10 more, but I'm never going to actually face the emotions inside me and never going to adjust my behavior. Instead, I will watch YouTube videos instead of making alterations to my life. No.

feel the cringe on your skin absolutely live it embrace it work your way through it and then be free of it