HealthyGamerGG - I Don’t Know How to Build Relationships

Episode Date: August 29, 2022

Dr. K talks about friendship, conflicts in relationships, social connection, and more! Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/healthygamergg/donationsAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Turn around, like inspiring people. Like what? This is what humans are capable of. And the reason that we suffer, the reason that the world is going to shit is because we have forgotten this. Hello. Hi, friend.

Hi, hi. I'm Ginkgo. Nice to meet you, Ginko. Yeah, I was thinking I put on in Canada as well like the other people did. Okay, sure. Next. Let's, I mean, so once again, since we haven't sort of set that frame properly, we're not going to show your face on stream.

We'll sort of sort that out for next time, though. So tell me, Ginko, welcome. So can you tell me a little bit, how are your friendships? So I'd say they're good, but there's a catch, obviously. That's what we're here. They're very much lacking, like, proximity, of course. I don't leave my house. they don't leave their house or their online friends.

And then I just don't know what to do with them. I don't know what I want from them or the concept of friendship. I want closeness, but I am not vulnerable with me. Maybe I could do stuff with them like hobbies, but I don't do a lot of hobbies these days. And then all I have left are calls and test. and those don't really hit the same. Sure.

So I guess I have people I like, who like me, but I still feel very lonely. That sounds tough. Yeah. I mean, I think the whole point of having people that like you and you liking people is that it's supposed to help with the loneliness, right? I would hope so. I'm sorry that you feel that way, Ginko. It sounds, it sounds tough.

Can you tell me a little bit more about, so when you say lacking proximity, do you have friends that are sort of geographically near you and y'all just don't leave the house or are most of your? Yeah. Okay. I have friends that I, they're basically from high school and we just maintain our own Discord a couple. of them I still play games with. But our hangouts are very and I don't see any of them individually

at all. And are you all able to geographically meet or is that, like, is there a geographical barrier there? I live in car-centric America. It seems a lot of us can't drive. So that's a barrier right there, transportation. Okay.

When you say a lot of us can't drive, help me understand that statement a little. So let me take. My friend group. Yeah. So what I'm trying to figure out here is whether, so Ginko, here's where my questions are coming from. So sometimes there's a very real geographical or physical barrier to meeting in person. and then what keeps people from meeting in person is a little bit more internal, maybe related to vulnerability or anxiety or something like that.

But if there's a real geographical barrier, that necessitates a different approach. Does that make sense? Yeah. So I'm just trying, that's why I'm asking questions about, you know, driving and stuff like that. So, and when you say a lot of us can't drive, is that the kind of thing where even if you were able to drive, would you have access? to a car or would you not even have access to a car so there's like no point in being able to drive? I would have access to a car.

Probably current vehicle that my family owns is not doing too well and you need to be entirely replaced. So I guess not. Proximity geographical limitations are definitely getting in the way of the Yeah. Yeah. And so that sounds really hard, right? If you're in a, in sort of like a resource-restricted situation, because I think sometimes when we talk about making friends and forming relationships, we kind of assume that people can get from point A to point B. And we're kind of focusing on anxiety and things like that. Whereas the truth of the matter is that sometimes it's actually really hard, like physically. So that sounds tough. I mean, do you?

you think that, you know, that that is a solvable problem in some way, or is that basically like not solvable between in your friend group? I'm working on it. I've got a permit. I just need to practice the driving. And part of why I intend to move on campus soon, because I'm going to college, is I'll have buses, I'll have roommate. I'll have people around me who I can just walk to and see. And hopefully I can like pay for somebody out there, teach me how to drive and always a car. So I think that that can be worked around at the moment. I'm basically entirely isolated and out of practice with human beings.

Okay. So first thing, I want to commend you for setting up a plan to overcome the geographical barriers. Like that's actually not to be underestimated. That's huge. Like strong work there. And it also sounds like you feel difficult. It sounds like it's difficult to be vulnerable with other people and you feel rusty socially. Oh, yeah.

I was, I mean, in high school, I didn't have any issues. I mean, I would say there were some issues. I put on a mask in front of people. but at least I could see them every day and I had friendships people who I could call friends and now I don't know if I can reasonably call

no they're my friends they're my friends are good to me I'm good to them we're just not close how do you think that happened what changed how did you all drift apart I was never close to them I just didn't know it oh interesting I growing up I never had people come and hang out and back then

they could. They could just go on my bus with me, or our parents could meet up and have us hang out. And I don't know, every day, I'd go home, go back to my little cave, my room, and I would just, like, be there. I'm not going to drag too many clinical or diagnoses in here, but I definitely got some avoiding the facts meet up in here. I just feel very avoided towards people. like the idea of inviting them over like no this is my house you can't come in my house this is my space you can't come in my room on my house and if i go over to them it's like now i'm in i'm in their environment and i can't easily leave okay so i'm hearing almost like an internal conflict of sorts where you don't feel safe having them in your space

And yet you feel lonely. Is that fair to say? Yeah. I don't want to argue that it's safety. I mean, they're safe to be around. But I have a lot of conflicts with this whole issue of my friendships, because I want to be closer to them, but I don't want to do anything that gets me closer to them. What makes you not want to do anything that makes you closer to them?

Help me understand that. Let me, let me think. for a second. I'm sorry. Yeah, go for it. I was kidding. I don't know how. I don't know what I'm doing or how to talk to people.

I can talk. I can talk to people. I'm talking right now. But I can talk about things I like. I can talk about my interests. I can talk about the fact that I spent two days doing a complete password overhaul and making a new email and learning about security. and password cracking.

But can I do anything with, hey, how are you? Not really. I don't really know where to go from there. I don't know how to talk to people unless I have something I know I want to talk about, something I'm really interested to talk about. And I don't feel comfortable just dropping in their DMs, just ranting and rambling about whatever fixation I've got today. Okay.

A couple of questions, Ginko. So when you were growing up, did your parents, like, arrange play dates and stuff for you? Or your family? My mom, bless her heart. She does try her best. She's very absent, though. Not on purpose, but she didn't really raise me very much. That was my Nana's job it ended up being.

So I wouldn't say she really did anything in that regards, helping me socialize. In fact, she didn't really socialize herself. She was just in the house on the couch all day. And then she would tell me, hey, go out, go make some friends, go join some clubs. But I wasn't really setting that example herself. Okay. So I'm hearing that you don't feel, and please let me know if this word is inappropriate or harsh, but you don't feel competence in social situations.

Like you don't know how to form a relationship with people. Yeah. I would say that's the most accurate thing. Because a lot of, I guess, when I look up things and even some of your videos, it can be the conversations, but I don't know about the relationship. Like, I can have a conversation with people and they can like me and I can like them. But can I maintain a relationship with them? Not at all.

Okay. So let me ask you something, Ginko. Whose fault is that? Chat can't see your face. Chat can't see your face, but they can hear your sigh. So thank you for that. I mean, there have been times when I've blamed myself. there have been times when I blamed my mom

why couldn't she have been there for me why couldn't she have like left me in a place where I feel secure and could be emotionally vulnerable with people and then sometimes I'm like why can't society be better I can't they be better to me so I don't know I've blamed everybody Okay.

So I noticed that when I asked you that question, I can see more emotion in your face. Do you know what you're feeling right now? No. Are you feeling stuff? Close your eyes for a second? Like pay attention to your like physical sensations. Like are you feeling stuff right now? And if the answer is no, that's okay.

You notice anything? I feel a little jittery, a little aware. A little aware and alert. Okay. And a little nervous, I guess. Okay. So let's ask the question in the... So I think it's...

Your answer was like a really good one because you, you know, over time have worked on this issue, right? At times you blame yourself. At times you blame your mom. At times you blame society. It's society's fault. So let me ask you a different question. So let's move away from blame and fault for a second. Why do you think...

it is that you don't know how to form relationships? Um, I've been dealt with shitting hands. Okay, the cards are not in my favor. Too many, too many factors have led to where I currently am today. And some of those factors are me, though I'm barely an adult. So I guess the majority of my life has been due to others. Some of those factors are who I was born to. others of those factors are I live in a time period where a lot of people don't know how to talk to each other

and a lot of people don't go outside. Yep. Okay. Well said. So let me ask you something. When you think about connecting with someone, do you feel some sense of like shame at not knowing how to do that? I'm not sure I recognize it as shame. What does it feel like to you? I'm disappointed at my ineptitude, and at the same time, I don't want to have to put up with this to begin with. I wish I could just do the thing, wish I knew how to do the thing. I wish doing the thing was actually pleasant enough to warrant learning how to do the thing.

Beautifully said, Ginko. So I think you said in a much richer way, what I would call shame, right? So like, it's an inadequacy. And it's not your fault, but it's still like, why can't I know how to do this? Like, it's so frustrating. You're frustrated with yourself, right? Even though you acknowledge, and this is what I think is actually a really awesome strength of yours, is that I think cognitively up here, you kind of know that this isn't

your fault, right? Because it sounds like you're on the younger side, like you haven't really had the capacity for self-determination in your life, right? Most of your life has been like, you're still in your starting zone, right? You haven't gotten to the open world part where you get to decide where you go and what you level up and things like that.

So like you spawned in the game of life and your tutorial did not include a whole lot of social skills. So that's really good. And I want you to lean into that part of yourself because you're going to need that cognitive understanding to help you sort of move forward. Okay. So let's go through a couple of generalities. So the first thing to understand is that, as you've already said, I think we sometimes

don't realize how much of social relationship formation comes from modeling our upbringing. So like, if our parents don't have friends, like, I don't know how else to say this, like, If you're someone who's out there and listening to this and you don't have a whole lot of friends, the first question you should ask yourself is, do your parents have a bunch of friends? When you grew up, did you see how relationships were formed? Did you see your parents go out and meet new people and form friendships with them and invite them over to dinner? And then invite them over to birthday parties. Did your parents go out of their way to create social opportunities for you?

Because that's what you have to do as a parent. You've got to take your kid to the playground and you've got to have a birthday party and you have to order pizza. And like when you're six, whether kids come over for your birthday party and form a social connection with you has nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with what your parents or your family or whatever do for you. And so a lot of people, and then what happens is as we, grow into adults and we become aware that we're struggling with this, I don't know how to do this. And it's kind of interesting because it's sort of like, then your solution is like, okay, I'm going to learn about it, right? So then you start doing the tutorial of social interactions. Okay, this is how I make

small talk. This is how I do this. This is how I do this. But the tutorial, even if it sort of says, like, okay, this is how you make small talk or this is how you become a good listener. There's no tutorial for forming a connection with another human being? Does that make sense? Yeah. And so what we're sort of left with is people who feel, I'm going to use the word shame, but I think, Ginko, you did a way better job at describing it, like frustration with yourself. Why does it have to be this way? Why do I grow up in a generation where it's not just like this sort of lack of family support in terms of socializing, but also like everyone else out

there is just socializing on Discord or text or whatever, right? Snapchat. And so you can feel incredibly frustrated with yourself. And the challenge is that what do you think all of those thoughts and feelings do in terms of affecting your ability to interact with another person? Oh, at times, I've felt broken. I've been reminded time and time again, you know, of all the factors outside of my control that led me to becoming this way, but I still end up feeling like something's wrong with me. Something's not working here. Something's broken.

Something is missing as a human being. I don't know. Yeah. So I think that's well said. And I know it sounds kind of weird because this is where like I'm supposed to say, no, like, ginko, like you're complete and you're perfect, just the way you are. There's nothing broken in you. Like, you know, that's what people think we should say. But I think you actually have a very mature outlook, which is that it's not your fault. And it feels like

something's missing, right? And I think the reason it feels like something's missing is because something is missing. Like, I want to acknowledge that for a moment. I don't blame you. I also think that just because something's missing, I don't think, so even if we accept for a that you're broken, I think you're absolutely fixable. That's where the difference lies. But I think it's important to acknowledge that you may not, because if we think about even something like language, right, how do we learn to speak? It's because people around us talk. How do we learn to like walk and our mannerisms and the clothes that we wear? So much of what we learn as human beings is through observation of what's going on around us. And what I'm hearing from you, Ginko, is that

you really didn't have the opportunity to observe a whole lot of social, like, connection formation. Is that fair to say? No, very true. Okay. So that's probably what feels like I'm going to use the word missing instead of broken. Does that work for you? Yeah.

I'm going to ask you to think about it for a second. Like, can you really, like, do you feel like something's missing or do you feel like it's busted. At times, I feel like it's busted, and that's in regard to changing things rather than who I am right now. Like, who I am right now. Yeah, I can say

a lot of circumstances led here, but how I fix that, now that it's my responsibility, I am an adult and adolescent and this is my fate. It's this insurmountable

mountain. All these things, I don't understand about other humans and all the faults that end up chipping away at all my relationships that I don't even end up understanding and how I could be so avoidant of people despite really wanting to connect with them. Fixing all that, now that feels like brokenness. That feels like impossibility. Yeah, well said. And I think it's reasonable for you to feel like it's impossible.

I don't believe it's impossible, but I don't... Oh, okay. Sorry, did I lag spike there for a second? So I completely understand why you feel it's impossible, and that's simply because you just haven't done it yet. Right? So it feels insurmountable to you because here's what... It's clear to me, Ginko, is that you're smart.

You try. And if you're smart and you put forth effort and it doesn't fix the problem, like sometimes it can feel like what more could I possibly do right like I don't even know how to start or it feels like such an impossible mountain to climb like I don't think it's ever going to work whereas I have faith that you're going to learn how to form social connections but I think it's also completely reasonable for you to not have that faith does that sound okay I'm good side yeah and I'm going to say okay you're going to what I'm going to say okay When you say, I'm going to say okay, that implies to me that what you're saying does not mirror what you think or you feel.

Maybe it doesn't. So what do you think they feel? I think that I need a whole rehabilitation program to fix the mess that is me. And I am in therapy. I do have a psychiatrist. So there's that. But like, I don't know. Somebody, if only I had, like, those social skills classes, like, that they give to autistic children.

I wish there was something like that for adults. Because, like, as an adult, I don't know what I can turn to to get past this. And I don't know if I can do it on my own. Okay. Wait, so are you, you know we do that on Discord, right? You know we have a social sandbox? Have you been to that? Yeah, I've participated in it.

I enjoy it. And has that, you say you enjoy it? Has it helped at all? You're allowed to say no if it hasn't. I liked it. It has helped me. But I get that also an issue is like relationship maintaining. And so that's less about maintaining relationships.

Yeah. Okay. So, you know, here's the other thing. I'm going to agree with you that I think you need an overhaul. I think you need a rehab. And I don't think it's as bad as you think it is. So here's what I'm noticing. So you're seeing a psychiatrist, great.

You're addressing geographical problems, great. You're going to social sandbox. Great. And there's going to be more to it than that. And here's the thing that I really wish you could hear, Ginko. You don't have to. I'm not trying to shame you into hearing it. But be patient with yourself.

Because thus far, your loneliness is largely out of your control. And you're just barely starting to take the helm, right? You've been running on autopilot for a while. You're just taking control. Like, you're the kind of person I've worked with people like you before. Like, I'm thinking about college freshmen, specifically, who grew up in households where there were not a whole lot of social opportunities and really struggled freshman year.

But by the time sophomore year rolls around, the time junior rolls around, they've made a lot of progress. They have friends, sometimes they have romantic relationships, they have mentors, they have people who are invested in them and care about them because when someone's like you are and is very genuine and is trying, because here's the thing, like people are going to get behind you. And when you say, how am I supposed to fix this, you're not. You can't fix it on your own, but you're not going to be alone, which I completely understand if you don't believe. But you can't learn to be socially adept on your own reading books in a room, nor do you need to accept the full responsibility. Because thankfully,

the world is a place where when people try, a lot of people will support you. And I think that because of things like geography, you just haven't had that experience yet. And that's also where like, you know, if you've grown up in a situation where people were supposed to support you or weren't able to because they had a lot of challenges and things like that, then like you can, it's also okay to like understand why you wouldn't think that other people will support you. But the kindness of strangers is a powerful thing. And like I'm optimistic that, you know, two years from now, you will be in a very different place. If you just keep doing what you're doing, the challenge is that there's no way for me to transmit that faith into you.

And so I'd encourage you to be patient with yourself. What do you think about that? I can keep going for the hope that that comes to fruition, even if right now it's hard for me to rely on others and be comfortable around them or form intimate bonds that could change. And if I'm putting in the work, maybe I'll see the results. Yeah. I think so. What do you think? I mean, to be fair, like, I don't think you can end this conversation and be like, yeah.

Like, I'm going to make a bunch of friends and I believe in myself. Like, you're not going to get there at the end of this conversation. Right? Like, is that, you okay with that? I definitely still feel impatient. I want this, like, fixed now because, like, loneliness feels like a need. It feels like something I need to fill up.

And everything's in motion, but the whole remains. Yeah. So that's why, you know, what I'm asking you for is patience. Because this is the hard thing about your situation, Ginko, is that you are actually doing everything that you can. Right? Maybe not everything, but you're doing a lot. You're doing what you can.

given your geographical boundaries, you can't drive, you don't have access to a car, you know, your friends may not have access to cars, like you're doing kind of everything that you can. And that's, you're beautifully said. Loneliness feels like a need, and just because you've got the right strategy doesn't make it hurt any less. Yeah. I wish that void could be filled in the hurt to go away. Me too. So I have one last thing to kind of share with you.

What if I were to tell you that by having this conversation, there are people out there who are listening, who feel exactly the way that you do, but even hearing you speak fills up their void just a tiny amount. What do you think about that? I would be confused. How could that happen? It's a good question.

I don't know them and they don't know. me um i i don't know that's humans are strange little creatures yeah so i'm hearing you don't know how that could happen is it fair to say you don't believe that could happen um i i believe you uh do yeah do you feel at all heard or understood through this conversation? Yes, I feel happier. And obviously, I watch this channel and other people do as well. And it makes me happy if there are people who feel this way like me.

First of all, I wish that was not the case. But if that is the case, then I guess, yeah, I'm glad that there's a voice out there that rest of the case. with them. Yeah, I think so. You know, I wouldn't encourage you to watch Twitch Hat now, but you can go back and watch the Vod later. I'm not actually paying attention.

I'm just assuming. The other thing is, by the way, you said that, you know, part of the reason you have difficulty forming close relationships is because you have, you can't be vulnerable with people. Is that right? Yeah. How do you think you're doing with that now? This is, this is fine.

I mean, this is a space in which vulnerability is expected in such areas. you just fine. I, you know, therapy, psychiatry, this Discord server, these are all places where I can be vulnerable. Friendships without that already, I guess, our relationship being established is having that. No, not going to happen. Not yet. So, here's what I leave with you, Ginko.

I completely understand that there's a huge difference. between Discord server being live on stream in a psychiatrist's office and the average friend are meeting people during the first week of freshman orientation, that's, it's going to be like night and day. But if you think about learning how to swim, we learn how to swim in the kiddie pool. We don't jump right into the ocean. And every step that you take in understanding your feelings,

being able to express your feelings, being able to feel your feelings, you level up a little bit. And that's why, like, I'm not, I mean, am I worried about you? Sure. But, like, I have hope for you. And the reason that I have hope for you is because you're showing me that you're thoughtful, you're going to try, and that you can actually be vulnerable. Right. And all it is is like, you know how to do it. It's just the situation is different. It's like swimming in a pool, swimming in a lake, swimming in an ocean, swimming in a river. Does it require more skill at swimming? Absolutely. We're not saying that just because you can do one, it makes it easier to do the other. But I am saying that you got to learn how to do it in the kitty pool first,

and then a pool, and then a lake, and then an ocean. And we haven't even taught, you know, we're talking about friendship today, which is on purpose, but then, like, even friendships is going to be a stepping stone to potentially deeper connections, romantic relationships, or whatever. Right? Like, not everything happens. all at once. And that's why the main thing, I know it's painful, we're going to do what we can for you in the meantime in terms of come and hang out. We're going to do what we can with social sandbox. We're going to do what we can on Discord and things like that. But the truth of the matter

is that what I really hear from you, Ginko, is that I don't blame you for being impatient. You know, I think it makes perfect sense that loneliness is a need. It's like a hunger, right? It's like hunger and thirst. Like, if I'm hungry today and I start growing. wheat. Even though I'm growing food, which will eventually satisfy my hunger, it doesn't make the hunger hurt less.

Right? Yeah, that's like that Minecraft or that Star Do Valley. Right? And that, like, I hate to break it, but that just sucks. Like, and there ain't, I mean, it sucks. Certifiably sucks.

Yeah. And I'm really sorry that you have to go through that. And the only thing that makes me not cry in this moment is that, like, I feel strongly that if you just keep doing what you're doing, you won't feel this way forever. In fact, you won't even feel this way for the majority of your life. That most of your life, like, you know, let's assume for a moment that you're somewhere around 18, and that you've got 62 years left on this earth. and that for like 55 plus of those years, I think you're going to have connections. And that even the suffering that you're going through today

may shape you into the person that knows what loneliness feels like. And that may have a ripple effect on the people that you meet and being able to see someone on a park bench or family members or friends or whatever. Like this is all part of your karma, the hand that you're dealt.

Is it shit? Sure. But you're playing it really, really well. And you get to draw more cards. And it's a deck building game. And the cards that you're adding to your deck today are good. But you've got to wait for the reshuffle for them to come around. And that's just life. It sucks.

Thoughts? Yeah. I think I can believe that. I think there's evidence of it in my own life. I actually just recently turned 20, and two years ago at 18, life sucked, even worse than it did now. I didn't have the therapist or the psychiatrist. Instead, I was getting hospitalized, and since then, I'm going to go to college. I'm going to go to my second year.

I'm going to meet people. I'm going to get my license. I'm okay with just continuing to go. until I get what I need. Ginko, you got to be careful there. Because you keep talking like that, you're going to start inspiring people. Oh, no.

I've got to hold back. You can't be saying shit like that. People are going to be inspired. This is Twitch. This is the internet. You can't be going around giving people faith in the future. I mean, I do feel impatient.

and you've recognized that, but I also feel like, because I've come from a period of being suicidal, so now that I no longer feel that way, I feel like as long as I'm alive, I have a chance. I have a chance to change things. I have a chance for things to get better, and I don't know how my story's going to end. Could end on a low point.

I don't know. Maybe I slip on some soap in my bathroom, and I break my neck, and that's the end. But for now, every, every day, every time I get to live, it at least an opportunity to live a little better. So hopefully I get some friends. That would be really nice.

Absolutely, Ginko. So it's awesome to hear how far you've come. I think you said you kind of need an overhaul. And I think the really sad thing is that the optimistic thing, the exciting thing, is that you're actually building that overhaul one step at a time. And what actually makes me really sad is that you're the one who's had to build it. Because most people don't, they're, you know, they get help. But if you're seeing a psychiatrist, it sounds like you're out of the hospital, you know, you're kind of like going to college.

Like this, this is what the overhaul looks like. One step at a time. You're taking care of your mental health. You're going to college. You know, you're going to social sandbox and getting better at small talk. So you're not talking to people about your password security and they get confused, you know? Yeah, would be. And last thing, I'll leave you with one last tip, okay?

You can't slip on the soap if you don't shower. Oh, you're telling me to be a filthy gamer. Right, next level plays. But thank you so much for coming on today, Ginkoen. And thank you so much for sharing. Any kind of last thoughts or questions before we wrap up? Thank you. Thank you for all you do.

Thank you for opening my eyes. I really can't understand you, man. People, people, they confuse me, but you studied them for like years. And then you talk to them for hours. But I'm thankful that you do. Yeah, I do. You know, I may be easier to understand than you think a few years from now. Because I don't know that we're actually that different.

The way, a lot of what I am is because I used to be. be in a very similar space to where you are. And I just kept doing what you're doing. I think you're actually doing a better job, by the way. But, you know, and you'll be surprised. So best of luck to you, Ginkgo. Take care. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. Bye. Adios. Okay. Well, that was fun. Right? Wow. I love calling streams. All right. So I got a run. I'm late, as I usually am. So I think call in streams I'm learning, you know, it ends up being half an hour to 45 minutes per caller.

Huge shout out to everyone who called in today. Huge shout out for everyone who's listening. Huge shout out for, just shout out for it all. For the community, for the people, for being alive, for being human. It ain't easy being human. Like, it ain't easy living life. And sometimes we're a little bit busted. Then we think to ourselves, how am I going to fix myself?

Like, it's so, I'm so broken. So broken. I can't do it myself. Here's the wild thing. You're right. You can't do it yourself. But you don't have to. Because there are other people here who got your back.

Right? That's the wild thing. Somewhere along the way, we start believing that we got to do it ourselves. that's the only way. And it's not like that's an unfair belief. Because how does someone begin to believe that they're alone in life? Because they get treated as if they're alone. They get abandoned.

When they have needs and they're suffering, people aren't there for them. And so you start to believe that because it's like that's been your experience, which is fine. But here's the thing. the past does not necessarily predict the future. So if you've lost faith in humanity and humanity hasn't been there for you, that's actually like a reasonable thing to believe. And don't let it become your destiny. Because the only time that that becomes true for the rest of your life is when you stop trying.

When I say to myself, there's no one in the world for me, so I'm going to sit in these four walls and I'm never going to leave the house. and I'm never going to interact with another human being. That's when it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. But if you get out, and if you make an effort, you will find that maybe not right away, maybe not all the time, there will be people who will meet you halfway.

Because we ain't going to come breaking down the door and dragging you out there. That's going to be traumatic. And we're too awkward ourselves. We're just stumbling around outside in the common areas. We're not going to intrude on your space. So you got to open the door and take the first step outside. And people will meet you halfway. And that's what this community is about. That's what being human is about. That's what the world needs right now. Everyone's talking about

compromise and building bridges. And there's so much like antagonism. We're so polarized. And everyone's like, we need compromise, but I ain't going to move. move. You got to be the one to move. You got to be the one to start it. And people will follow you. How do I say that with confidence? How can I believe that? Because this is where we are right now. I took one step out the door. I started streaming. But like, this wouldn't be a thing without y'all. Y'all were the ones that met me halfway. You carried me forward. Each and every person who's come on this stream carries us forward. carries all of us forward. That's what AEO healing is.

People like Ginko, like, I'm broke. Ain't no fixing me. Turn around, like inspiring people. Like, what? This is what humans are capable of. And the reason that we suffer, the reason that the world is going to shit, is because we have forgotten this.

So be patient with yourselves and try. Because you have no idea what you're capable. of because what you believe you're capable of is born of a lack of effort. And so give it a shot. And we'll meet you halfway. Life is a multiplayer game.