HealthyGamerGG - I Hate Every Job I Do

Episode Date: July 12, 2022

Dr. K talks about burn-out, fear of slowing down in life, and avoiding toxic positivity! Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/healthygamergg/donationsAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

At first, I thought that I would fall behind on my work if I slowed down, but I realized that this quota was not something given to me. It was something I was giving myself. What do you go by, friend? Yeah, my name's Nick. Nick, pleasure to meet you, Nick. Yeah, he was well. How are you feeling today, Nick? I'm feeling great.

My life kind of feels like a stream that's dam has been opened. And still a few rocks left there, but I'm flown in the right, the right? Can you tell us about that? Yeah. I've been struggling on a lot throughout the past year or two. A lot of mental health stuff and out of therapy.

But I'm starting to feel like my puzzle pieces are coming together slowly. Yeah, so I'd love to hear what do you think opened up the dam? Honestly, a lot of introspection. I kept thinking that problems were on the

outside rather than being on the inside. Can you give us an example of that? Yeah. I, I kept thinking that, so I kept skipping between jobs because I would always get super burned out of these jobs. And I would always think, oh, these jobs suck. Every job I work sucks. I'm never going to find a job that I like. Hmm. But I started to think maybe it's, maybe it's me. And how did you start to think that? Well, if every job sucks, I'm sort of the common denominator there, aren't I? Well, or all jobs suck. True.

That wouldn't be too fun, but yeah, it could be an option. And what did you discover through that process of introspection, what did you discover about yourself that, you know, what were you bringing with you to each of these jobs? I was sort of, it basically came down to the fact that I always rush myself. Can you tell us about that? Yeah. I kept doing work at an absurd pace, and it wasn't work burning me out. I was burning myself out. That makes any sense?

Yeah, it makes a lot of sense. I mean, that's very common. So do you have a sense of what it was that was causing you to rush yourself? I think it has to do with how much the cost of things keep increasing the expectation that you've got to climb that ladder the second you hang on to it. And you've got to be, everyone's got to be the office star. And if you're not, then you're going to get passed on. Yeah. I mean, so how did you start to get?

Because I, you know, Nick, it makes perfect sense when you say it. but what I'm really struggling to understand is that, you know, noticing that or realizing that is such a big, hard step for so many people. How did that happen for you? Well, so interestingly enough, you had introduced me to the idea of the dosha's, and when I saw what Akha was, I realized I am. rushing myself in ways that I don't think I'm equipped for. Hmm.

And if I sit back and slow it down a bit, I can catch my pace a bit more. So if I'm understanding you correctly, you're a guffa trying to live a Bitha's life? Yes. Yeah, that's... And that's why, yeah, I've been, you know, and I had some issues with coffee and stuff because I had to keep myself going. Yeah, yeah. Okay, everything just made sense for me. Yeah.

Yeah, dude, that's classic, man. Right? It's so, I'm so happy for you. Oh, my God. Yeah. So how are you doing with work and stuff now? I've slowed down things. I, you know, I get my tasks done slower, but quality is increased exponentially.

Okay. So, yeah. Perfect. So, Nick, can you explain to us? what you want what kaffa is and what resonated with you and how you decided to change it. So let's start because like people don't know what that is. Right. So from what I can recall at the top of my head, and you can correct me if I'm wrong here,

Kaffa is the earth water, docia. Yep. And their style of motivation is sort of a slow roll where you're almost like a rock rolling down a hill and you have to gain your momentum over time. Yeah. So just to give a little bit of context. So generally speaking, if we look at Western science, Western science assumes all human beings are basically the same.

So if we think about even our model of disease, like so we'll think about, you know, a particular disease as being a discrete entity that exists outside of a person or a pathophysiologic process. So we know, for example, that that's how we sort of think about our model of disease, but we know that, for example, from five-factor research, that personality is individual. So we've even sort of classified like individuality in some ways. So one of the things that's kind of interesting is if we look at a lot of

psychology, we don't have psychology of like personality, but we don't look at personality as being a fundamental part of many of our psychological principles. So, for example, we don't think about depression as manifesting differently in people of a particular personality type versus another personality type. Actually, our disease model and our personality model are completely separate, right? No one says, anyway, so if that sort of makes sense. And so one of the key things about the Ayurvedic system is that they don't separate disease from, the person. So there's no way to have a disease without some kind of person involved.

What that sort of results in is that the idea of disease and health is much more of an individual oriented process, as opposed to like a classification that applies to a thousand people. So one of the key principles of Ayurveda is that there are three basically forces within our body that they sort of use elements to kind of describe aspects of these essentially personalities is what you can call them. And the interesting thing about this stuff is that, you know, these are all sort of heuristics, which means that they're tools for understanding, but there isn't really a whole lot of scientific evidence that this is like actually exists. So there's not like, you know, you can't biopsy someone, Akha, and find earth and water inside them. The key thing,

though, is that what I've really found is that, so some of the treatments in Ayurveda have been sort of scientifically verified, but the core principles, there's very, very, very, very, we used to say that there was very strong genetic evidence, actually based on criticism from our community in a thorough literature review. That evidence exists, but it's actually very preliminary, and the effect size is quite small. So these are like preliminary data that show some indication that there's a genetic component to this stuff, but it's far from conclusive. That being said, what we tend to find is when we talk to people like Nick, that there are a lot of people for whom this system of understanding can be transformative.

in terms of like how to understand yourself. And essentially what we talked about is that there are, you know, depending on what your primary docha is, you have a particular like motivational style. And so Nick is a earthwater type. So much like an earthwater Pokemon, he's kind of like tanky and he's resilient, but it takes him some time to get started. And oftentimes if you try to like push yourself too far, you can kind of burn yourself out. And generally speaking, most of our, what we think of as being successful is like the fire type,

which is like driven, ambitious. Like we think of ambition is a flatly good thing. We don't realize that you don't have to be that ambitious to be very successful professionally. Like it's not necessarily that you need to be ambitious. You could just care a lot about what you do. That's not necessarily ambition. So there are a lot of these assumptions that we make about what it takes to be professionally successful. But the key thing about this Ayurvedic motivational style perspective is that if you understand yourself, you can start to adjust to your individual personality.

And then hopefully if you're like Nick, you'll stop burning yourself out and start to feel like happier at work. Was that, did you, did that make sense, Nick? What do you think? Yeah. Okay. Perfectly. So you said you started to slow down a little bit. Yep.

Were you afraid that that wouldn't work? Yeah, at first, because that's a risk, you know. Can you tell us about that experience of slowing down? Yeah, I have to constantly remind myself to not rush myself because it's almost second nature to try to keep up, as it were. And it's tough to struggle to slow down in a world that keeps wanting us to go faster and faster. as things change. You know, as expectations increase, it seems. Yeah, so I don't know how else to say this, Nick, but like, I mean, like, how do you do that?

Because aren't you, like, paranoid that if you don't speed up, you're going to be left behind? Well, I don't really think that I can be left behind necessarily. I just feel like, at first I thought that. I would fall behind on my work if I slowed down. But I realized that this quota was not something given to me. It was something I was giving myself. It might be a little different if you actually have a work quota being during it. I think it's interesting how much people take on responsibilities at work that are actually not assigned to them.

Yeah. Yeah. That's something I learned that I was all this, this, this big. work that was getting thrown at me that was burning me out was was me that was me doing that yeah so we see this a lot of we recently launched a career coaching program and one of the key parts of our career coaching program so a lot of people think it's just like okay how do i get promoted but a big part of our program is that we focus on like the individual so what are a lot of the expectations that you're putting on yourself or how does your ego manifest

at work in terms of signing up for things, you know, wanting credit, feeling like other people outshine you. And so if you feel like someone is outshining you at work, you'll work harder to get credit. But there's a difference between feeling like other people outshine you and people actually outshining you. And so there's that individual component that I think a lot of people sort of lose in terms of like career advice. We sort of assume that what our mind produces in terms of assessing a work situation is that

accurate, which is a huge problem. Yeah. Yeah, my brain was not being accurate with me. That's for sure. Yeah. So how did you learn how to slow down? Well, I, and this kind of came to me both through self-introspection and therapy. But realizing that these quotas were on myself, I had to take that leap where, okay, well, what if I, what if I didn't move so quick?

What if instead of multitasking, I focused on one thing at a time. And it took a lot of, it took some time for me to accept that it was okay, but also being open with your coworkers, your supervisor, that you work at a different pace was something that I did with great success. Just letting people know that, hey, I do really good work, but I have to take my pace. Awesome. So that sounds like something that a lot of people would have trouble doing is letting your supervisor know, hey, I have, you know, this is sort of how I work the best and notifying people of that. So it sounds like you're doing great, Nick. Yeah, I like to think so. That's awesome, dude.

Thank you so much for calling in and stuff. Anything that you want to talk about in particular or any questions you have? I don't I guess just how to be a positive light with others that are having a good time without being I guess the word they use is toxic positivity

Help me understand Yeah go ahead Yeah so I like to think of myself as a positive guy When I'm with people I'm always the optimist but I don't want to come off as undermining their issues because some people take that positivity as saying that their concerns aren't real

or you know it kind of when people say if I say something positive and they're like oh thanks but I'm cured you cured my depression with your words and they kind of take it as an affront yeah and and what what kind of stuff would you say I kind of would just be there for them and say, hey, that that really sucks, but, you know, things can be temporary. Okay. So I get as an example off the top of my head. Yeah. So that may not be, you know, I recognize that that was potentially an artificial example.

So let's, I'm going to give you one very practical tip, Nick, and then one more global tip, which I think is more aligned with where you are. So the first is, if I say, yeah, it sucks, but things are temporary, what is the meaning of the word but in that sentence? Like, it's kind of downplaying in a way. Yeah. Nick, I think you're a great guy, but. But, yeah. But I think you're not, you know, like, you can. Yeah, okay.

So the first is I'd eliminate but from your vocabulary when you're trying to be. empathetic. That's like, it's like one of the best tips I can give you. So literally when we train to become therapists, we remove the word but from our vocabulary. Like I almost never, or I use it very intentionally. So if you're trying to get someone to see the other side of a coin, don't use but, use and. And, okay. The other thing is that I think you take it for granted how far you've come. and to recognize that a lot of people who are suffering are, like, not where you are. So, Gaffas tend to be more impact, like, they tend to be very understanding and very resilient. And so I think you've just got to realize that, like, this is like, you know, telling a 15-year-old who's never had a girlfriend that they're going to be okay and the decent chance that they're going to get married and have kids and all that kind of stuff, they're going to get laid one day.

They're just not ready for it, right? They just don't understand that. Like, they just can't understand that. And so what I'd say in terms of the positivity is like lead by example instead of explanation. You know, and that's where like don't try to create expectations for them in the future. Where like, they'll come to you. But I would almost be like more stable as opposed to like pull. them or pushing them in a particular direction.

So just slow it down the way that you have at work. Right? You don't need to inject them with hope right the second. I get you. So just let, they'll come to you. And so that, you know,

like what will happen over time, you were sort of saying like, how do I share my positivity with others without it being toxic? And that's like the way is that you, if you want to be a positive person, it's not something you do to other people. It's not like, hey, take my positivity. Hey, positivity, positivity.

That's when it becomes toxic. Instead, like, if you want to be a light in people's life, like, you just, you just shine in your own way. Right? And don't try to, like, point it. Don't be a spotlight. Just be a light bulb. And let it be, like, relatively diffuse. And then they will come to you.

They're probably sensing it to begin with, which is why they maybe come to you with their problems. But then just like, let them sit in your general vicinity. and kind of just, you know, slow it down a little bit. Moving too fast, we've wanted to help. Yep. Right? So I think you're trying to get, you're trying to catch them up to what you've learned. I have no doubt that you believe, like, you're able to see both sides of the situation.

Right. But like, that's hard for a lot of people. So like, just slow it down, which you've already learned. So lean into that. Yeah. All right. All right. Cool, man.

All right. Take it easy. Take it easy, buddy. You, you too. I'm really happy that you're doing well. And thank you so much for sharing. I think far too often this community becomes, I don't think we realize because we reach out to the people who sometimes need help that, you know, there are a lot of people in this community who are actually doing really, really well and like benefit from what we do here. And like they actually just do okay. That's kind of like, yeah. Yeah. You know. Yep. I'm hoping to help some gamers become healthy gamers. That's awesome, dude. And I think you calling in today and just sharing your story and your perspective is a fantastic example of just radiating whatever you are. Awesome.

Take care, man. Yeah, you as well.