HealthyGamerGG - I'm Tired of Trying and Failing

Episode Date: September 28, 2022

Dr. K dives into feeling like you're always failing, feeling overwhelmed, shaming yourself, and more! Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/healthygamergg/donationsAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Like, sometimes people get better. Sometimes we help people. Sometimes we have an impact. It may not be enough. I'm not saying it's a substitute for what they need, but it's what we got to give. Hello? Oh, yeah, I just have to mute the Twitch tab. I'm sorry.

That's okay. Okay, now it's all fine. Awesome. Welcome, my friend. Thanks for having your stream, first of all. You're welcome. Thanks for being here and making it possible. Well, it takes too so.

Like, let's all take credit. Yeah, absolutely. Love the attitude. What do you go by, my friend? My name is Julia. Okay. And Julia, who do you want to be in what's holding you back? So that is going to sound super basic.

But so I want to be someone who is actually able to make progress and achieve the things they set out to do. And what is holding me back is the fact that lately, for maybe the last year, I have been struggling to basically, like, function in any meaningful way, and I also seem to not be able to compartmentalize my emotions. So, like, all the areas of my life are bleeding into each other, so I can barely focus on anything, and I'm constantly mentally exes. And it's not like I have not achieved significant things before, like I've achieved a lot of significant stuff before.

But after so many cycles of just overcompensating for my issues that seem like ADHD and PTSD, but I have no formal diagnosis. So I'm just throwing that disclaimer out there. You know, and then I would burn out after overcompensating for all of that. and I no longer have the mental spark that I used to feel when I would get motivated about anything anymore. Like, it's like I have a destination in mind and I have reasons why I want to get there, but the key in the ignition won't turn and I just can't start the car. And like, even if I start, I can stay consistent because, you know, it feels like I'm starting just so I can, like, fail again. And it's like the reasons that I have in my head are like not.

not even enough anymore to like do anything because I can barely get myself off in most days. You know, like maybe 30 minutes before work, like that's my record lately. And I'm back to square one each morning and it's no way to live, basically. Wow. That sounds. Sorry. No, I mean, I'm just, what I'm really noticing is that you're trying really hard to get out of this situation, but almost the more you try, the more. the more you run out of energy

and the more that you run out of energy the harder it is to get out of this situation. Yeah, and it's just like the whole feeling of like starting over it because I found like I didn't find like a couple of strategies that work for me, but like each time I drop the ball because of, you know, because I am someone who's like very emotional and it's like one of the struggles that I mentioned,

like that's the second one. and it's no less important, by the way, because this is one of the things. Like, I would, you know, like, get overwhelmed by emotions. Even my hands are shaking. What the hell right now? So I would get overwhelmed by emotions or I would get, like, burnt out because I'm essentially, you know, if I'm using, like, strategies, it feels like I'm not actually being who I am, despite not wanting to, like, identify with the symptoms or, like, this dysfunction.

But, like, when I'm trying to be organized and function, like, I assume everybody else does, but they probably don't. It's like, I just, you know, I get back into things after a while when things get critical enough because I'm motivated by negative consequences and not by rewards, you know? And then the methods that I know work, they just don't spark anything. I don't feel anything. And it's scary, you know, because like, they're so much I want to achieve. It's scary.

I'm sorry? You said it's scary. It's terrifying. Yeah, because you don't feel anything without that spark. Like you can't get like or at least it takes much more effort. Like when you don't feel that spark. Oh yeah, like we're going to do it. I just don't have that anymore.

Is it okay to not have that spark? I guess it is okay. But it's just like when you're like that mentally exhausted and I'm not trying to sound like a victim I swear. But you're just that mentally. because you're constantly, like, you're not able to, like, self-regulate, which is, like, one of, like, the whole thing that you're not able to, like, smart, you know, like, just put things into boxes. And when you're at work, you don't think about your, like, the issues in your relationship and your issues with your friends and your, like, mental health issues.

Like, you just focus at one thing at a time. I can't do that. It's everything at the same time, all the time, you know? It's causing me issues with my sleep. It's causing me issues with focus. it's causing me just with absolutely everything. And like when you're someone like that, like you get exhausted and you can't relate your emotions on one hand. And you cannot regulate your behaviors or like you can do it in like a forced artificial way using certain methods.

But you're just essentially forcing yourself into a mold and you get even more exhausted. And when you don't have that spark, you know, it's just like you're like actually forcing yourself because it doesn't come. naturally to you and when you feel that sparse so like for example I had to like apply for for a job and I had to do like a lot of sense for that and it like something in me was just like yeah we're gonna do it and I spent my entire weekend on and off like just focusing on that and it didn't take like a ton of effort because it felt like something hey like you know we're gonna get that done it just came naturally to me but like chores and like normal everyday life admin stuff is what I call it, like cooking, cleaning, like even hygiene, you know,

was really hard for me up until like maybe one month ago. Like it was really bad and started to seem like I was in some sort of like depression. Again, not diagnosed, but it looked like that. You know, I want to achieve that like the big ticket things, but I don't have the like the routines. I can't form habits. If you don't have the basic stuff, like, I'm going to jump in first. second. Yeah, I'm sorry. No, that's okay. So let me ask you a question. How do you decide what to set out to achieve? Uh, well, blah blah. Okay, I'm loading. It's probably cool to like hear me be silent for it. That's what I'm saying. Like when I when I see my mind doesn't stop, it doesn't stop. So like I don't really, I guess I don't really decide. It just like comes like through experience. Like I see that I'm not

satisfied with myself in like one area or another area of my life and I decide, hey, like what I want to do instead? So maybe by comparison, where am I and where I want to be? And also through it's like I've been there in this situation or I am in this situation right now and I would rather be in another type of situation. Right. So that is kind of like I just go through life winging it. Yeah. And there's no planning. Yeah. So I think I think I think Let me just share with you. So first of all, I'm so happy that you're sharing all this stuff. A couple of things to think about.

One is that I get the sense that, so let me put it this way. Sometimes in life, we're in, we have to put out fires. And other times at life, we try to rebuild what's burnt down. Does that make sense? Yeah. What I get the sense of is that you're trying to do both at the same time. you've got a house on fire you're trying to build it

and put out the fire at the same time does that resonate with you at all yeah it does like 50% and it's like when I like when I one of the first things that I said was like I feel like every morning I wake up and like I'm at square one

and it feels like I'm constantly trying to I am building something and it burns down because I cannot be consistent to save my life and it's yeah It's like starting over and over and over again. Yeah, so here's what's going on. I think you're spending a lot of energy building one room while the room next door is on fire. So when you go to bed at night, the fire just spreads to the work that you put in.

And then you wake up the next morning and it's burnt down. So practically, I think there are a couple of interesting things here because what I'm hearing you say is that you want to achieve the things that you set out to achieve. but I think what we're hearing is that you'll set goals for yourself that you don't have the fuel to reach. You wake up on a particular day and you're like, I want to be able to do this. But there is, I'm not hearing an appreciation and there's a good reason for this. I'm not blaming you for this. I'm not hearing an appreciation for how running on empty you are. And so sometimes like, I also heard you say that this has been going on for.

about a year. So like, this is where what I'd kind of say is that like, I know it sounds kind of weird, but don't worry about achieving stuff, worry about stabilizing. Right? So sometimes like if I'm trying to sail from one part of the world to another part of the world and there's a hole in my boat, my focus should not be in like opening my sails and trying to make as much progress as I can. It should be in fixing the hole, bailing the water, and getting my ship ready to sail.

What I'm sort of hearing from you is that there's a lot of stuff that's overwhelming you right now. You continue to set goals for yourself. As you set those goals for yourself, it's hard to achieve them. You may make some progress, but because all of these other dimensions of your life, emotional dysregulation, other kinds of things are like getting in the way, you can't consistently invest energy towards progress. What do you think about that? Yeah. I'm thinking about that I had to like take a minute.

So like this this current cycle has been going on for a year. But it's been that way for years. Like I'm 23, soon to be 24. And this has been going on for like maybe since I can remember. I don't know. Ever since I was able to like set goals for myself. So I only, I think I only got through school because I guess sort of intelligent. And it's like really frustrating because it feels.

like one of the other colors have that and he had it is well so um like you feel like it should be easy and like it's frustrating to no end because you can't get through the basic stuff like so what I was trying to say to to start with is that you know is this cycle every year multiple times even like you you overcompensate you burn out you overcompensate you out and you are stuck with the seem like you don't make, like you don't always set new goals for yourself all the time. You're stuck on a set of goals that you have not been able to achieve maybe for years because there is never enough energy. Yep. So Julia, so let me ask you something. Overcompensate and burnout. Overcompensate and burnout, right? Why can't you just compensate? Why do you have to overcompensate?

Uh, yeah, because balance is hard. What makes balance hard? Balance is really hard. What makes it hard? Well, not a trauma dump, but like just my upbringing. Like I never had any sense of like a stable adult person that I could just watch their behavior, how they just operate in their normal day life. And like just kind of like learn through imitation because like adults in my life were just not great.

Role models, some of them were abusive. That sucks. So like not to trauma don't, not to say, oh, like, for me, it's just background, but... No, I think it's important background. Thank you for sharing. Yeah. So, so as we kind of think about it, so like a couple things pop into my mind. The first is that Julie, you've mentioned three potential diagnoses. You've also mentioned, like, difficulty regulating emotions. So this is absolutely a situation where I would recommend a clinical evaluation. I don't know how possible that is or accessible that is for you. But this is exactly why, like, so what I've sort of found as a psychiatrist is that sometimes people will try to put their lives together. And just because you're putting your lives together doesn't mean that mental illness is responsible. But what I can guarantee you is that if mental illness is at play, it's going to be a hell of a lot harder to try to put your life together if it's untreated. What do you think about that? This is stereotypical thing, but I just kind of missed the last two sentences.

You lost me two sentences in? Yeah. So what I was saying is that you've mentioned three diagnoses. It sounds like you haven't been formally diagnosed, but you've mentioned three potential diagnoses. And one of the things that I'm noticing that you're trying to put your life together, right? One of the things that can really make it hard to put your life together is if there's an untreated ADHD or depression or PTSD. So this is where I'd ask, like, are you, I mean, what do you think about clinical evaluation,

getting into treatment, et cetera? I mean, well, I also struggled with anorexia and I have the most terrible experience. So basically, I'm from somewhere in Eastern Europe. And the mental health care system here is horrible. So, like, I try to get help for, like, unrelated things. like I said, anorexia. It went horribly wrong. And I was not really like trying to put myself through this because mental health professionals here tend to leave you worse off than you went in.

And it's like I trust myself to like kind of stabilize. Stabilize like not to fix myself 100% because maybe that's not even possible. But like just stabilized without having to essentially like. just bury your whole like, like assortment of problems to somebody only to be treated in a way that leads you worse off and like more mentally stabilized. So like I'm not here to see diagnosis. I'm just here like for a couple of tips. And I understand that this is not a substitute for. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, so I, I mean, that's, I, so thank you for sharing what your experience with mental health treatment is. Can you just help me understand? Like, do you mind if I ask you one or two questions about your treatment experience? yeah okay so like you know I've heard of poor mental health professionals in other parts of the world

I mean we have some here in the United States as well but I'm curious like what did they do that let you worse off left you worse off than when you started so basically the like one psychologist if I can even call her that was sneering and like just really disrespectful the whole time and then she told me like quote unquote um don't even

dare think you're strong because if you really were strong would not need other people and i was like wait when did i even say and the other ones were just the psych ward like the state funded psych court were like just take these pills don't research them don't read anything about them. They were also prone to like making up problems and just yelling at you for no reason. So I was not impatient. But yeah,

that was really messed up and then one of them didn't really do anything. Just, just I and they decided that oh yeah, you're controlling your anorexia good enough. So you're bipolar. Take these pills and these pills made me suicidal.

I have not been suicidal or self-harmed. I'm sorry if I'm triggering anybody with all this talk. But ever since I quit these meds, of course like not cold turkey because that would have been even worse. But I quit them and I felt better and I just was like, okay, I need to all my stuff together and get over my eating disorder with like the support of friends, like mostly on my own research and I'm somebody who researches a lot. So I think the only reason why I'm even here and talking to and like even alive is because I'm, you know, you know, I guess resourceful and like sort of intelligent.

So, so, so, I have to rely on others. So let me, let me share, can I share with you like what I'm kind of hearing from you and, and how I understand your situation? Okay. So I think, so it sounds like you've got a lot of stuff going on at the same time. And like, I don't know how to say this, but it just sounds like you're just overwhelmed. Like, like, I think you've shared with us. what it's like to be in your head and like living a day in your life, which is like a cycle

of desperate digging down for energy, making some small amount of progress, pushing everything else away, and then being back to square one tomorrow. And then you go through that same cycle over and over again. And every time you go through that cycle, you get a little bit more burnt out, a little bit more burnt out. It's harder to find energy, harder to find energy, harder to find energy, but then what's the alternative? You got to do something. And so in these kinds of situations, like, I think that stabilization is more important than progress. What do you think? The shame, like, every year on my birthday or like whatever significant date, you're like,

oh, like, yeah, still haven't achieved this and that. It's like, I completely understand, but like, I don't really know, like, how, like, how do you even, like, how do you even start? Like, one way I made, you start, you start by stopping. Yeah. Oh. Cool. Right? Because here's the thing, every year that goes by, as you haven't achieved your goals, you feel ashamed, right? What is the shame due to your energy? What does it do by your, to your thought process? It's another thing that eats away your energy. And so as you feel more ashamed of yourself, you have to catch up more. So you set a more ambitious goal.

As you fail in that goal, you feel worse about yourself. And the cycle continues over and over and over again. And that's what we're hearing from you, is that you're stuck in this cycle. And if we're stuck in a particular cycle, the simplest way to get out of it is to stop doing what we've been doing. Now, that's easier said than done. But what I'm getting, what I'm getting just, as I listen to you, my reaction is slow down. Breathe.

You don't have to fix everything today. How does that sound to you? So there's like good things that that I have like done before. Like I, I, like, the weirdest thing is that I have like this proverbial metaphorical toolbox that there are things in there that work. But when I try to come back to them, actual things like setting smaller goals, exercising for the sake of exercising, because I told myself last year and I managed to exercise for like six, seven months consistently, yeah, work out for like the discipline, work out for the mental health benefits, not for looking a certain way, because you have a freaking history of freaking eating disorders. It worked.

But now like I open my toolbox and I look at the same things that you, work for me the same tools. And I, like I said, I just don't feel anything. So I think I will kind of like just have to like force myself to like restart the, the good things and just like, let's set this like tiny little goals. Julia, what? What are you hearing me say? Sorry?

What are you hearing me say? First of all, stop shaming yourself. Okay. What else? And stop trying to overcompensate and like do less instead of more. Okay. Are you... Yeah.

Are you able to be patient with yourself? Nope. Not yet. Why not yet? Are you patient with yourself? Not yet. That's funny, right? So what makes it hard for you to be patient with yourself?

I mean, I'm like, to be honest, I'm trying to not make chat more hostile towards me because... Are you reading chat? I would definitely not. be reading chat right now. I would absolutely ignore what chat says. Yeah. I'm kind of a people pleaser, like, first of all. So.

What makes it hard for you to be patient with yourself? Yeah, bringing again in the way that, like, I grew up, like, generally around peers and stuff. Like, your parents are supposed to be the ones that, you know, model the way that You know, you want to treat it like when you grew up in the way you want to treat yourself. So yeah. Okay. So, Julia, here's my two recommendations, which I think may be a little bit unsatisfying to you. And if they are, please let me know.

And maybe we can talk about that for a minute. The first is I want you to just focus on one thing, which is patience with yourself. Just patience. You don't have to be perfect by your next. birthday. You don't have to have everything solved by your next birthday. What you're telling me is that you grew up in a situation where a lot of the stuff that people who are living healthy, happy lives are given or taught, you were not given the opportunity. It wasn't handed to you on a silver platter. You've had to figure everything out on your own. And what that means is that you can't compare yourself to someone who was

starting with like a full tank of gas and being taught everything. So you've got to give yourself time to get better. And I'm confident, actually, that you will because you've told me that while the cycle repeats, well, we're also hearing that there are periods of time where there are tools in your toolkit, which you've been able to apply for seven months at a time, that you do make progress. And I think the key thing is that the more you get overwhelmed, the more you try to get out of your situation, the more impatient you become, that actually worsens the whole cycle. So the first thing is patients. Second thing is, I understand you've had bad experiences with mental health treatment. I don't know what else to say, but let's assume that this wasn't mental health. Let's say that you came in here and you said, I have a diagnosis of cancer.

I've seen cancer doctors before, and they didn't really do a good job. If the problem that you have is cancer, the fact that there isn't good cancer treatment doesn't change the fact that you need cancer treatment. Does that make sense? the goal should still be finding good cancer treatment. Does that agree or disagree? Yeah, I mean, I get it. Now, I'm not saying that just because that's the goal, that that's even possible for you,

because I have no idea, like, you're the one who's been a patient in the Eastern European healthcare system. And if it sucks, it sucks, I don't know what to say. Like, you know, that's the kind of thing, but like the right answer doesn't change just because it's hard or even impossible to find. That's a truth of me. medicine. You know, if you, if you are in a car accident and someone needs a blood transfusion,

but there's no ambulance nearby that can give you a blood transfusion, that doesn't change what the person needs. Does that make sense? Yeah. And what I'm hearing is that you were treated very, very judgmentally, or people were very, very judgmental towards you, maybe relating to your anorexia diagnosis. But I'd hope that there are good mental health professionals in every question. corner of the world. I'm not saying they're common. But I mean, I've worked, I don't know where you are from Eastern Europe. We don't need to go into those details. But I've talked to mental health professionals from countries that have, on average, very poor mental health professionals.

And there are good people out there. So this is where I think we've just got a very tricky situation, because if you assume that all the mental health treatment is bad, I'm not saying that's a bad assumption. You may be correct. You know more. about it than I do. What I'm saying is that if you're wrong, that's a devastating assumption to make. Because if we're talking about a mood disorder, PTSD, or ADHD, and you're like, girl, like, you have a ton of shit to deal with. If you've got untreated mental illness on top of that, that's going to be so hard. So I don't know what, you know, mental health care is like in Eastern Europe. It's a huge problem that we see in this community.

Because the problem is that, like, half the world has very crappy mental health treatment. And we kind of do what we can, but, you know, I'm happy to give you tips. Patience, meditation. But I don't think that a very complex, like, I don't think that there's like a complex thing here, which if we unravel, we'll fix all your problems. I think in your case, Julie, it's slow and steady wins the race. And I think as best as you can, like try to seek mental health treatment. treatment, maybe even for stuff like emotional dysregulation or see if there's ADHD

treatment or things like that. Because sometimes in the case of something like ADHD, if they're like, here, take these pills, adios, that can actually be okay. Even in the case of mood disorders, you know, some people, like many people here in the U.S. will treat mood disorders and ADHD with just psychopharm. They'll just take medication for it and it'll like help some. And what I'm saying is that you're in a situation where you can use any advantage you can get your hands on because it sounds like your situation. is not easy at all. And so I'd encourage you to as best as you can continue to explore that.

Because every year that goes by as, you know, more and more people get trained, mental health care is improving globally and developing countries and across the world. So even if your experience was like this two years ago, maybe it may not be like that now. What do you think? Yeah, like the fact that like I just, you know, had like a bad experience with mental health professionals in my area, you know, because I'm from like a small town and stuff like that. Yeah, maybe not all of them are like that. It's just that, you know, I feel like the biggest problem that I have is like the ADHD or PTSD

like symptoms that I have because I've read a lot about there being an overlap so I don't really know which is. But if if and this like this perspective terrifies me that if I do have adult ADHD in my country, they don't recognize it and you cannot legally be prescribed medication for it if you were over 18 when they found out that you have ADHD. So like, that's just the life ahead of me is like me having to cope with a lot of it. But at the same time, it's not that terrifying because I know that I might be able to do it. It's just going to be more like difficult. but while waiting for like to go like on call I actually did like Google some you know information about mental health professionals and stuff like that because like the thought popped into my head and maybe I should give it a chance again

Julia yeah I mean you seem you seem like a very smart person who does their homework and does everything within your power to try to get a handle on your life and that I think is ultimately going to be like the best sign of hope for you. And what I'm hearing is that if you've done a lot of Googling and you think that this could be an issue, then I think that like, like, I don't know how to say, like there's no, like that's what you should address, right? Like if you've figured out that maybe there's ADHD, maybe there's PTSD, and there could be all kinds of other things. Like you say like, okay, there are these problems with diagnosis and medication and whatnot, which is fine. But the whole point is that you don't know because there's a lot of overlap. So that's a question you should answer. If it turns out that you can't get

medication or treatment for it, then that sucks, but at least you know, and then we're sure that door is closed. Right now, what I'm hearing that concerns me is that you're choosing not to explore whether the door is closed or not in the first place, and if you go through, you could get a lot better. Now, I'm not faulting you for that choice because I think that there's a damn good reason you're not touching that, which is that it sounds like mental health treatment has actually made things worse for you in the past, which is awful. But it's not. totally makes sense why you would be reluctant to engage with it again. But that's where it's like, I'd say like roll the dice.

If you had, you know, and it sounds like it also wasn't just one person, right? You had a team of people who were all pretty bad. So I would just say try again. And, you know, because I honestly think like based on everything that you're kind of saying, if you think you have a mental health diagnosis, this just doesn't go for you. This is anyone out there who's listening. If you all are concerned that you all have a diagnosis, the right move is to get, at least an evaluation, and then figure out what treatment feels right for you.

And then the other thing is patience. You're not like, if you weren't taught these things by your parents, if you didn't have a supportive family, if you experienced a lot of trauma growing up, you just, it's going to take your time to get to where you need to go. And the more that you try to set ambitious goals for yourself, and the more that you dig deep without a solid foundation of moving forward, the more you're going to end up spinning your wheels and sort of wasting your energy.

Any last thoughts or questions before we wrap up for the day? I'm so like digesting the information, basically, but I actually never thought about the patience bits. Like, it's all about doing, doing, doing, and to me, like, patients is always a more passive thing, and I don't like being pacified, I guess,

because, no, of our conversation. Yeah, Julie, but let me ask you, how is doing, doing, doing working out for you? It's not. So stop doing. Yeah, I'm loading. Good. Perfect.

You're a natural. I have to think about. Good. Think about it. Yeah. You made shut out for more than like a minute. You're great of what you do. I'm sorry?

I didn't catch that. Yeah. Yeah, I said that you managed to make me shut off for like more than a minute. So like automatically that. Makes you just great. Because like nothing stops. Usually nothing stops my brain. So that's.

Yeah. And when your brain is, so here's the thing. The brain is just like any other organ. Right. So when your heart is tachycardic, when you're beating it 150 beats per minute for a while, it starts fucking up. And your brain, when it's going 150 thoughts a minute, will start screwing up. So you just need to slow it down. Julia, I really, really hope that stuff gets better for you.

You seem like an amazing person who has a lot to offer the world. And like, I think the saddest thing is that your inability to share that actually is not very much your fault. And what I'm really hearing is that you have, in a sense, very little control over, like, you know, a lot of the dimensions of your life. but as best as you can for these one or two things, try to do what you can because we can't fix the Eastern European healthcare system. You know, there's so much stuff here that's out of your control,

but cut yourself some slack. Be patient with yourself. You don't need to be perfect yesterday. Still loading, sorry, because... Good. I've been trying to, like, be better at listening to people. Good, right? So that's...

Like, awkward silences. I wasn't feeling... I mean, I was okay with it. So I'm, I'm glad you're doing what you're doing. Good luck to you. So, like, thanks. You're very welcome. Yeah.

Okay. Don't, again. Don't give up on yourself. Likewise. Don't give up on yourself, number one. And number two, don't expect you to have fixed it tomorrow. Okay. You'll get there.

Just be patient with yourself. Good luck to you, Julia. I wish you all the best. So you too. Bye. Bye. Yeah. So that's tough.

I think we're done for the day. I think we had four people. But I think, yeah. I mean, so we're seeing this front and center where I have a feeling that Julia's life would have been so different. if when she got into mental health care, like she had good mental health care. So, like, there are so many people in our community that their lives would be so different

if just one thing had changed. You know, just, like, one thing. Like, alters the whole course of your life. And then we sort of end up in a situation that we feel responsible for because, like, who can actually do something about my life? It has to be me. right? It has to be me. And so as you accept that, and as you say, okay, I'm the one who has to fix my life,

something subtle can happen, which is that you accept responsibility for the state of your life. If I'm the one who has to fix it, it has to be me that got here. And that's just not true. The truth is that you don't control most of what is determined about your life. You don't get to choose when you were born. You don't get to choose where you were born. You don't get to choose who your parents are. You don't get to choose whether you had cerebral palsy at birth. You don't get to choose whether you have a high IQ or a low IQ. You don't get to choose whether your parents taught you how to study. Did they sit down with you and go over stuff? Did they force you to sit down and learn how to do your multiplication tables? The truth is so much of our life we are not responsible for. And yet, we're the only reliable

agents to fix it. And that's just like unfair, but it's how it is. And so are you responsible for moving your life in the direction that you want it? Absolutely. Is it your fault that it's such a shit show in the first place? Hopefully not. Now, here's the big caveat. The people who accept too much responsibility for their life that is unfair are the ones that need. to displace it. On the flip side, and I think for whatever reason, we don't really attract these kinds of people in our community or maybe we screen them out,

the flip side is also true where there are people who don't accept responsibility for their life. In fact, they shunt responsibility away from themselves. And those are the ones that paradoxically screw up their life and they blame the world. Right? Oh, it's like the world is an evil place. when it turns out that they're actually the ones that are responsible.

So both sides are kind of equally correct, that there's a discrepancy between individual responsibility and what the world contributes. And the funny thing is in both cases, you've got to move in the opposite direction. I just get the sense that in our community, we have people who adopt more responsibility than is their due. It's tough.

I don't know what to do about lack of mental health care. proper mental health treatment in parts of the world. And this is both the awesome thing and the awful thing about the work that we do. So the cool thing is that we're at least reaching those people and offering something. The sad thing is that it's not nearly enough and it's not what they need. So we're going to do what we can and we're limited. And that's okay in a sense. It's not really okay, but it's the most that we can do, which is like how life works.

Is the necessity for something doesn't equate the possibility of something. But you try what you can, right? We're going to do what we can. And like, I don't know what to say, but that's as good as it gets. In terms of the work that we do, we're going to do what we can. In terms of what I try to do every day. And even in terms of your life, you can't fix the problems. All you can do is do what you can.

And fingers crossed, if you keep doing that, hopefully things will start to get better. And that I feel really confident in, because even if we can't fix stuff, I'm pretty sure we're making the world a slightly better place. Right? We see that. Like, sometimes people get better. Sometimes we help people. Sometimes we have an impact. It may not be enough.

I'm not saying it's a substitute for what they need. but it's what we got to give. And even in terms of your own life, it may not be enough, but give what you can to yourself. Give what you've got to yourself. It's not about what you need. It's about what you can offer. Because that's the most that you can do.

And the cool thing is, once you accept that and once you give fully what you have to offer, you can be at peace with it. Whether it's enough or not enough is not mine to control. but I can go to bed at peace with myself because I gave what I could.