HealthyGamerGG - "Is It Acceptable To Steal Personality Traits?"

Episode Date: March 1, 2024

In today's episode, Dr. K analyses a post from a community member with concerns about their mimicking of personality traits. Join us as we discern the difference between personality and identity, and whether or not mimicking personality traits is a bad thing in the first place! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You said you were over him, but his hoodie is stealing your rotation. It's time. Grab your phone, snap a few picks, and sell it on Deepop, listed in minutes, with no selling fees. And just like that, a guy 500 miles away just paid full price for your closure. And right on cue. Hey, still got my hoodie? Nope. But I've got tonight's dinner paid for.

Start selling on Deepop, where Taste recognizes taste. List now with no selling fees. Payment processing fees and boosting fees still apply. See website for details. You're going to love video games. But if you become a gamer, right? I'm a gamer. Oh, those aren't real games.

A real gamer plays these games. That's cringe. So the moment that personality becomes identity, we've entered the realm of cringe. I'm shamelessly stealing characteristics of people I want to be like. Is it bad? Analyzing my favorite characters so I can shamelessly steal their personalities. Okay. I don't think this is bad.

So if you look at other people's personality characteristics and you start stealing them, I think that's good. that's totally fine. Even if they're fictional, it doesn't matter. In order for this to be harmful or helpful, we have to understand the difference between personality and identity. So if you're adopting other people's personality characteristics and it is not becoming a part of your identity, then this is great. If you are confounding the two, then we have a problem. So now a lot of people may wonder, what is the difference between personality and identity? We have a good science on this, okay. So personality is who you are and identity is who you think you are. And it's fine for you to

craft yourself into whoever you are. That's totally fine. But don't pretend you're that. I know it's kind of confusing. So I'll explain. So in science, in basically psychological research, we've defined what personality is. And what personality is is the way that you interpret information, what your internal reaction is, followed by what your actions are. So if we look at people of two different personalities. Let's say I'm going for a hike with my friend and we see a bear. I get excited because I watched this TikTok earlier of people like petting bears in the woods and I was like, wow, what an amazing opportunity. I want to be one with nature. And so I walk towards the bear, hoping to pet it. And my friend starts shitting themselves. So we look at this situation. The situation is

exactly the same, right? For both of us, we're two people going on a hike. The circumstances are exactly the same. The weather's the same. The bear is the same. Bears the same size. Bears the same color. Situation is exactly the same. The personality determines how I interpret this information, how I react to it, excitement versus fear,

and how I act. Walk towards it versus walk away. So you can take this for any number of things. Let's say like you go to your school dance and you're 16 years old. Or you go to a party. Are you in the corner? So we're in a party there. I don't know anyone here.

This is a fact of the matter. Depending on my personality, this can be very exciting. I don't know anyone here. Let's meet new people. Or this can be very exciting. I don't know anyone here. No one knows my shitty reputation. Time to fuck up other people's lives.

Or I don't know anyone here. I feel very awkward. I don't know who to talk to. I don't know how to start a conversation. So the circumstances can be exactly the same. The way that we interpret that information, the way that we internally react to it, and the way that we end up acting determines our personality.

Now, notice in these scenarios, there's no sense of eye. Right? So when I see this bear in the woods, I get excited about the bear, but I don't think to myself, I am a bear lover. I'm a this, I am a that, this is who I am. You don't think about that. It is the way that you react, interpret information,

your internal reaction and how you act. Has nothing to do with your identity. Hey, Dr. Kay, how do I get my kid to put down the game without it being a fight every single time? The problem with gaming is that it tricks our brain into being a substitute for life. Once we start to get our psychological needs met through the game, that's when we become addicted.

How to raise a healthy game, combines the latest in neuroscience research along with a decade of clinical practice. Check it out anywhere books are sold. So in that way, if you look at someone's personality, the way that they interpret information, the way that they internally react, and the way that they act in a circumstance, by all means, adopt someone else's personality. This is actually healthy in some ways, right? So when you have figures that you're inspired by, like parents, there are times in your

life where if you're lucky and you've got a good set of parents, you will adopt their personality characteristics because your parents will help you do that. That's literally their job. So you'll have a setback in life. You asked your crush out and they said no. And then you feel devastated. Your interpretation of them saying no, or they don't even say no. They say, I'm not looking to date right now, which you view is a hundred percent rejection. That's just something they're telling you to spare your feelings. But you know that deep down they don't want anything to do with you. Ignore what they said because they're liars. This episode is brought to you by CarMax.

Want to buy a car the easy way? Start at CarMax. Want to browse with confidence? Get pre-qualified with no impact on your credit score and shop within your budget. From luxury to family rides, CarMax has options for almost every price range, including over 25,000 cars under $25,000.

Want to get started? Head to CarMax.com for details and get pre-qualified today. Want to drive? CarMax. And then you internally react. That's your internal reaction. And then you act, I'm never going to ask anyone out again. So your parent comes along and tries to shape your personality. Let's reinterpret the information.

What did they actually say? Oh, they said they're not looking to date right now. How do you know that they don't like you? Now, I want to ask you a question. I'm just curious. Let's say that they did like you, but that their life is chaotic. What would they say to you if they really liked you but could not date you? Huh, interesting.

They may not say, no. They may say, I can't date right now, or I'm not looking to date right now. Oh, interesting. So there's a different interpretation that could be true. So change your interpretation. What's your internal reaction? So you start to get very upset. Let's learn some emotional regulation techniques. Let's go for a walk. Let's talk about life. Right. So change your internal reaction. Observe your internal reaction and then change your action. I'm never going to ask anyone out again. Right. So let's change that. So by all means adopt someone else's personality. Right. So take characteristics, break them down into those three pieces. And then if that's what you're you want to be in your life, you can do it. Go for it. The problem is adopting someone else's identity. This is a completely different thing. If you start to think of your personality as identity, then that is cringe. So let's understand this. Let's say that you are really good with people. And the moment you start, that's great. It's wonderful. You're extroverted. You're charismatic. Your social. Fine. All of those things. Wonderful. The moment that you think, if you aren't understand what cringe is. You can take someone who's very charismatic. What makes them cringe? Identifying as charismatic. I'm the most charismatic person in the world. Look at me. I'm so charismatic.

I'm so sexy. You want me. You need me. Uh-huh. That becomes cringe. Anything. When we identify with it becomes cringe. Let's say I'm sad and I'm depressed, right? This is something that deserves compassion. It deserves help. It deserves support. Doesn't make you weak or anything like that. Sometimes depression happens to people. So be it. Some people make it their identity. I've had them as patience, right? That becomes cringe. I am depressed. I am depressed. I can never get better.

I can never get better. I can never get better. We still deserve, I think we should give them compassion and stuff, right? That's what we do. You're going to love video games. But if you become a gamer, right? I'm a gamer. Oh, those aren't real games.

A real gamer plays these games. That's cringe. So the moment that personality becomes identity, we've entered the realm of cringe. Even something as simple is, but what about other qualities, like humility? Oh my God, the most cringe. of all of these is identity based on humility. Being humble is fantastic. If your personality

is one who's humble, okay, like I'm not entitled to anything. I don't interpret that I should have, I bought a lottery ticket. I have a one and a billion chance that I'm going to win. This is how it is how it is. Being humble is wonderful. Having an identity is humble. I saw this so much in the ashram. Look at how humble I am. Look at how spiritual. I used to be like that. Arguably, I'm still like that and still I haven't figured it out yet. I'm sure a year from now I'll figure out that there's some part of my identity that is cringe. Look at how humble I am. Everyone else is arrogant, but I'm so humble. He's like not like the other boys or not like the other girls, right? Like, look at me. Like I'm so, I'm so different. Cringe. So if you, seriously, if you want someone

else's personality, go for it, right? But let's understand what personality is. It is a way you interpret information, by all means. Interpret information in a more optimistic and a healthier way. Go for it. Right. If you're looking, because I was looking at this, this and I see all these like anime characters right and like that's cool like i think you can take characteristics from anime and try to be more like those people like fine hopefully not the cringe ones right so if you and that's what human beings are like we talked a little bit about comparison earlier and and like that's part of it you compare yourself to other people like your parents and we are wired to adopt some of those behaviors this is why peer pressure is a thing because our brain is wired to adopt what other people do

this is healthy just don't get it confused with your identity and by all means change the way that you interpret information, change the way, interpret information in a better way, whether it's more skepticism or less skepticism, whatever, right? Depends on the person, depends on who you're looking up to, depends on the change you need to make. Change the way that you react to things, by all means. React to something like a hero in an anime, where when their disadvantage instead of giving up and jerking off for a week, they decide to actually like give it a shot even if they could lose. Go for it, right? Go for it. Be more compassionate and accepting of people's quirks because that's a personality characteristic you see someone have in a

fictional universe. Go for it. Just don't let it cross the realm, the boundary into identity. And if we actually see it a lot of these people who are like super into anime, right, the reason that they're so cringe is because they adopt it as an identity, not as a personality. Ambition comes in all shapes and sizes. At first citizens bank, we're fit for your ambitions, whatever shape they may take. Whether you're planning for today or tomorrow, we've got the flexibility and know-how to help you reach your goals. Because we're built for what you're building.

First Citizens Bank, fit for your ambition. Learn more at firstcitizens.com slash ambition.