HealthyGamerGG - IWillDominate learns meditation is op (and other things)

Episode Date: March 17, 2020

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We good now? Yeah. So tell me a little bit about, how would you like to be addressed, by the way? You can just call me dumb. Don. Most people would just call me dumb. Yeah. All right, Dom.

So tell me a little bit about what we're talking about today and how I can be helpful. I'm not sure. So your assistant reached out to me. I think he wanted to discuss, like, so I developed panic disorder when I was like 24, which is when I was in LCS, which I don't know if you're familiar with. League of Legends, but that's like the, I guess, the premier North American competition here. So pretty much like I came from there. That's like how people know me.

I played LCS for five years. Now I stream. I developed like some depression. So I went to like a psychiatrist and everything. I was diagnosed with depression in October of last year. So 2019. But I'm feeling like pretty good now with like everything in terms of like mental health. But yeah, I mean I obviously like still have some struggles.

but definitely we're on the up right now. Awesome, man. I'm so happy to hear that. Yeah, thanks. So then in that case, Don, Dom, I want you to think a little bit about me as a resource. Right? Yeah. So like what, how can I be helpful to you?

Or is there something? I mean, if nothing comes to mind, then I can, you know, I can try to take the lead. But is there something in particular that you are struggling with or that you'd like to better understand? I mean, I guess the main thing that I've struggled with is similar to like LS, just like negative feedback. from community like Reddit, Twitter, stuff like that. Okay. So I think that that's like the main thing that I like don't handle super, super well. Okay.

I handle it better now than I used to. Obviously, like, so I went to therapy like with a psychiatrist for, I think I did like three or four sessions, but I think that just even in those three or four sessions it helped like kind of like reframe how I should think about things. And then they kind of like set me on the right path towards like how you can become happier. Um, so yeah, just recently, good for you. I was able to like, I guess, listen to their advice on things. And yeah, everything's been, been going a lot better now.

Yeah, cool. Um, so when you say things have been going a lot better, like what has, what has changed in your life that makes things better? Like, what does better look like? Um, so just like generally, like more happy throughout the day. I'm looking towards, like, I'm looking forward to a lot of things. Okay. Um, that I do. Also, I think maybe people are still saying them a little bit too.

loud. Okay. Thank you very much. Um, but uh, yeah, I mean, I guess, I guess happiness for me is like, I'm looking forward to, to things that I'm doing, like, uh, like every day I wake up excited for the day. Awesome. Before I was, I was kind of just like, I was like dreading streaming. That was pretty much my mentality. It's like, fuck, like I got to stream today. All right, I'm going to do it. And then I wake and then like, like, because I'm already expecting the negativity almost, it felt like I like almost focused on the negativity coming out of my chat. Because, like, if you ever stream gameplay, there's definitely going to be some percentage of people that are either. backs like see gaming you criticizing you criticizing you criticizing like random things about you um and when you're in

that negative mindset it's like super easy to just focus on only those comments read only those comments and just like have bad streams so um just generally speaking like i just put things in place to just enjoy my life more day to day so um just like the way i stream is different now than what i used to do um just like the content i do is different and it's stuff that i look forward to personally uh-huh um and then i guess like I don't know, I just, I make more of an effort to see my friends in person, you know, like just yeah, just care about like what I'm doing with my time. Okay. Yeah.

So I guess that's what better looks like right now. That's awesome, man. So I have a couple of thoughts for you, okay? Or a couple of, like, and maybe like directions we can go. And also thinking a little bit about what's maybe applicable to our audience. The first thing that I want to point out is when you talk about streaming, so we you talk about streaming, you say that sometimes or you used to wake up every day and dread streaming and now you wake up every day and you look forward to it. So that to me is actually in a bizarre

way really, really confusing, even though it makes perfect sense. And so I can empathize with what you're describing because I felt the same way about activities in my life. Like where some days I wake up and I'm looking forward to one activity and another day I wake up and I don't look forward to that activity. The thing that seems really illogical to me about that is if we think about it, most people think about activities as positive or negative, right? We assign a value to the activity. So, like, we'll say, like, I don't like going to school. I don't like going to work. I like hanging out with my friends.

I like going out and partying. I like playing video games. And so most people conceptualize the activity as, like, the source of goodness or badness. right? Either it's fun or it's not fun. Chores, not fun. But if we really stop and listen to what you're saying, it's really fascinating because even though the activity may have changed a little bit here or there, that your experience of the activity will be positive or negative, which implies that your enjoyment of life actually is not dependent on the activity that you do, but is dependent on something within you. What do you think about that? Oh, I 100% agree. So I guess the way that I, like, rationalize that is the way that I stream is so drastically different now than what it used to be in terms of, like, what the type of content I do in general, that it just gives me, like, a better outlook just inherently because I'm more excited for the things that I'm doing on stream rather than what I was doing before. So, like, because I, and I think that it also just feeds into, like, my chat interaction, because I'm doing things that I'm excited about, more people. like sense that excitement or they sense that like positivity and they don't really want to like

say anything negative like they're just the odd man out if they're being negative towards me in my chat. So I think that that's just kind of like why it went so much better. Yeah. So Dom, what I'm hearing you say is that when you bring positive, so the way the content has changed, therefore you're more positive. And if you're more positive when you stream, it creates a different interaction, which then also reinforces your, your enjoyment of the stream. Yeah, exactly. Right?

But that's also kind of interesting because I'm, I think the key thing there, you kind of talk about the content change as where the start of the cycle is, right? So the change comes because you change the what content you stream. That's what you're saying, right? But I wonder how much of that has to do with your attitude, right? So even though that the content has changed your attitude, is it possible to change your attitude in and of itself? And can that be the source of changing your life?

So yeah, that's pretty much what we're trying to do. So before, I guess the way I'll explain it is I used to just stream only gameplay. Obviously, I'm an ex-pro player. So people originally knew me for my gameplay. And that's like where my first fan base came from. And then over time, you know, I wasn't playing as much. I wasn't enjoying the game as much. And I decided like, okay, maybe this isn't the right thing for me.

Like I've done the same things forever. ever, and it felt like when you're just doing the same thing every single day for four years, there's nothing exciting to you anymore. So after we developed, like, an idea for creating better content, we're starting to now try to apply that, like, good attitude I have in that content towards my normal stream. So I do do gameplay a certain amount of the time now. But, like, right now, our challenge on stream is we're trying to go, because I'm known as,

like, toxic or, like, a flamer in game. Like, I like, talk shit in game, right? Like, that's how people perceive me. that's pretty much how I'm known in the community. To some extent, obviously there's good and bad, but that's definitely part of how I'm characterized on the internet. So we're trying to go, we're trying to do the same type of grind that we would always do,

which is go from the lowest rating in the game to the highest rating in the game. But we're trying to do that with only a positive attitude towards my teammate. So I don't say one negative thing to my teammates. How's that working? So far, we've not flamed a teammate. We're about 50 games into challenge. We've not flamed anyone. But this is like the easiest part of it because when you're in lower rating, you obviously win a lot more games.

It gets really hard when you get like towards the top and like one mistake can just like lose you the game or put you super far behind. And why do you flame? Okay. So this is great, man. So I'm really excited to kind of talk further with you. Can I lay out a couple of other options and then let me know what you're interested in or what chat is interested in? So one is further exploring how attitude. So it's not the activity that changes like internal.

Like, so the one activity can, we think about activities as positive or negative. But what I'm hearing from you is that your attitude actually affects whether the activity is fun or not fun. And so we can explore a little bit about how you changed your attitude because I think a lot of people are stuck because they perceive an activity like, oh, going to school is boring. Or going to work is boring. And if we can better understand how you are able to shift your attitude, then maybe people can start to do things that they normally don't conceive. of is fun and that can start to be fun for them. So that's one option. Okay, definitely. I mean, I would like to talk about that. I mean, it's obviously like really basic stuff. It's going to sound so dumb when I say it, but part of it was just that I wasn't taking care of myself,

like in the proper way. So I used to stream every single day. So for four years, I streamed every single day starting at midnight. And I would wake up at midnight and I would stream until 8 a.m. So I changed my sleep schedule and I always felt like fucked up doing that schedule. Like I always felt groggy when I woke up. It felt weird going. to sleep in the middle of the day, like 4 p.m. you're trying to go to sleep. It's light outside. It just feels wrong. Even when you get enough sleep, it still just feels bad. So I changed my sleep schedule. I now start my stream at like 6, 7 a.m. So I wake up in the morning. This is like mainly through my, like when I went to a psychiatrist. These are like the glaring things where it's like you need to

change this shit was my diet. Like now I eat three times a day. I try to like start the day with like oatmeal and a coffee and then I just have like more healthy meals throughout the day. that's another thing that helped me a lot. So diet and then just starting to exercise again, which I've been pretty bad about recently. But in the beginning, I tried to implement that into my life. So just like having just, I guess, a more healthy body, I think drastically changed my attitude.

So. Yeah, dude, you were just. Oh, Dom, dude. The challenge for me right now is that everything you're saying is something that I want to spend an hour talking to you about. I'm willing to. So talking about the relationship between your body and mind. The other thing that I just want to drive home is that, you know,

what part of happiness or contentment or joy comes from you and what part of it comes from the outside world? Right? Like, let's just think about this for a second. Because what you're saying is that your enjoyment of life, and we generally tend to conceptualize pain or enjoyment is coming from outside of us. we think about our circumstances. We're like, I'm unhappy because my girlfriend broke up with me.

And so most human beings really think about the source of their unhappiness. And it makes perfect sense, right? If you get dumped by your girlfriend, like, you're going to be unhappy. But we think about, we don't think about, so let's take the case of a guy who gets dumped by his girlfriend. Like the solution there is to, you know, mourn for a little while and then like find another girlfriend because that's the solution to loneliness. like, you know, the substitute for a girlfriend is another girlfriend. We don't think about the solution as, and I love it what you said. You said, eat three times a day, right?

We're not talking about, like, eating super healthy. We're not talking about, like, increasing, like, going vegan or eating, like, salads for lunch every day. You're just saying, like, fucking eat three times a day. Like, real, real low barrier. Trying to eat healthy is not, what you said was successful for you. You say, yeah, I try to eat healthy. Try implies that you don't succeed very much.

but it sounds like what you are doing is actually just eating three times a day. Yep. And that is a fantastic example of like the bar for feeling better and enjoying life more is actually not about changing your circumstances. It's not about graduating from college and getting a super nice job. It's not about making more money. It's about eating three times a day. For me, yeah.

Yeah. And it sounds crazy because that's not the way we think about it. Mm-hmm. Right? Yeah. I mean, it was all things that I saw. signed like really low amounts of value too. I was like, yeah, I don't sleep enough.

And I know I have like a fucked up diet, but that shit like doesn't really matter to me. Like that's not the reason why I'm unhappy. It's because of like all this other stuff. What did you think? What did you think were the reasons you were unhappy? I thought it was because I felt like Reddit and like Twitter and like all these big social platforms like would heavily mischaracterize me.

I thought it was because of, you know, like I would read like threads about how I'm like this awful person. Like I'm a piece of shit, which happens to like everyone. And I just don't perceive people the same way that those platforms do. Like a bunch of the people you've had on here I've met in real life. Like, like Recful, for example, and Mitch Jones, L.S. And if you read how people are being talked about, like, it's like these people are just like shit on the bottom of their boot. That's literally how people describe these people on live stream fail, like League of Legends subreddit, et cetera.

And I just don't view like these people as bad people. I feel like they're all good people. So I want to continue talking about positivity, but I also want to mention just another thing that we could talk about. which is like toxicity in general. And you were sort of saying that, you know, if you start to play poorly or you start to flame that like people on Twitter chat are going to be toxic towards you on people on LSM or toxic towards you. It sounds like you yourself are, um, well, it's because like I'm toxic, right?

So it's like if I'm toxic or if they can label me as toxic, then it's like easy to be toxic to the toxic person. It feels like everyone wants that outlet to be toxic on those platforms. So I think we could also talk a little bit about like where toxicity comes from. So you're saying that they mirror. what you give them, which is also in line with what you were saying about your positivity or negativity on stream, that, you know, people sort of follow where you lead. But then the question still become, like, we can still explore the question of why were you toxic in the first place

and why are other people toxic in the first place? Like, where does toxicity come from, you know, how does it affect us? So we can kind of explore toxicity. We can explore whether happiness or positive, like happiness or dissatisfaction comes from Reddit mischaracterizing you or eating three meals a day, which is also perplexing to me. The last thing that I kind of want to just mention to you, and it doesn't sound like we're going to get to this, is it sounds like, you haven't sort of said this explicitly, but it sounds like at some point you started changing the way that you view your identity. Yeah.

And so I'm curious about how much of your suffering or positive trajectory or negative trajectory comes from a sense, like your definition of who you are. and how your life changed when you started to view yourself in a different way. Yeah. Out of these three- So I think that there's part of- So like, I guess one thing I was going to say is so part of that came because I feel like everything really just lined up. Like I got pretty lucky in the way it all lined up because I ended up changing my content, right?

And I tried to change my attitude. But then really what happened is like because my content was good or like at least in the League of Legends community, people just liked what I was doing. Like, I was doing certain types of, like, co-streams, and I was doing more analytical stuff, and people valued the stuff I was putting out. I started just receiving a lot more positive feedback. So I was somebody who was, like, majority hated on Reddit,

or at least the League of Legends Reddit for, like, a lot of years. And then when my content improved, you know, all the comments changed. So I think that that kind of helped me feel better about myself because I would read these comments that are suddenly like, you know, sometimes Dom gets frustrated in game, but, you know, recently he's trying hard to, to be better and I really like him in this format. Like there was just a lot more positivity.

So it's because it feels like everything kind of just lined up to like allow me to be happier. So, so, you know, Dom, respectfully, I'm going to actually bizarre as the sounds, disagree with you a little bit. And what I'm really curious about is I think your success, sure, you got positive feedback and that fueled it. But I think the key thing here is how did you decide to try new content? Yeah.

So pretty much what happened was before I was really motivated by, you know, stream numbers. Like I was super focused on stream members, growth, like, everything like that. And I thought that what I was doing was taking a hit. I was like, I'm just going to do stuff that I want to do that I think will get less viewership, but it'll be more fulfilling to me so that I could be more proud of what I was putting out. So, yeah, I mean, that was pretty much like what happened in my mind. I tried to, like, sacrifice the money and, like, growth of my stream to do things that were fulfilling. But it ended up just all working out.

Yeah, so, but I think that's the key thing, right? So if we think about what you were doing, you actually made a sacrifice or you moved away, you did something that on paper was a bad idea. Right? You were saying like, okay, so I'm focused on viewership numbers. And if I try something new, people come to my stream because they're expecting something. And so in a sense, you were providing good content, right? Like you had a pretty stable viewership, but you had a good thing going. And the interesting thing that I'm hearing from you is that you actually walked away from a good thing by trying new content. Yeah, well, yeah, well, it was perceived as a good thing, yeah. Like, I don't, I wasn't necessarily growing, but I was pretty stable with my view count.

Yeah. I'm with you. I think perceived is the key word here, right? So I think a lot of people do what they perceive to be a good thing instead of doing what like feels right to them. Like we have this formula for success And we have this idea that like okay If I do X, Y and Z I'm going to be successful If I continue streaming like You know generally speaking most Twitch streamers know that like If you're a particular kind of get like if you're a like

Let's say a heartstone player or a law player And you try to play a new game what happens to your viewership Is halved Exactly right So it's kind of common knowledge that trying new stuff on stream is like an objectively a bad idea So what I think is really awesome about what you were able to do is you had a particular formula for success, which you actually walked away from. How are you able to do that, right?

How are you able to make that sacrifice? I think part of it was just like talking to my mom about things and just like being like, okay, like, have I made enough money at this point to like live modestly for the rest of my life? So once I hit that point where I felt like I'm going to be okay no matter what, like I can move to a place that doesn't have high like taxing. Like I can move to like an area and I can be fine. I can raise a family. Like I can do that. Once I hit that like that number in my head where I'm like, okay, I'm fine forever, then I just stopped caring as much about the success of my stream because I didn't view that. Like I just want to be able to live the way that I like grew up, which was not like particularly like middle class like not particularly particularly luxurious.

but I have everything I need. You know, like I always have food, always have like the ability to do what I want. So, yeah. So it sounds like you hit a particular amount of financial security that allowed you to take a chance. Yeah. Yep. At the same time, it sounds like your financial security, while that gave you the kind of, gave you the security to take a chance, it sounds like your success does not actually have to do

with your financial security. Yeah, I don't think so. Yeah, I think outwardly that's how it's perceived. But yeah, no, I think it's more about being proud of what I'm doing. Right. So for people who are feeling stuck, I think that what I'm really like, this is, by the way, going in a completely different direction from panic disorder and depression, which is great. But what I'm really kind of fascinated by is that, and I've noticed this kind of time and

again, that I think that success doesn't come from taking good opportunities. I think success comes from walking away from good opportunities. what do you think about that that's like uh i mean that's definitely an interesting way to it just sounds it sounds so so logical but i guess i guess that that does make sense because if you're walking away from good opportunities you're probably doing it for a reason so if like the reason is good enough for you that that sounds like yeah so what kind of and spot on right so here's the point that i'm making and i think you kind of embody this is that in order to walk away from like what is it within you that allows you to walk away from a good opportunity

Like, what do you have to do to walk away from a successful stream? I mean, I guess for me, you just have to convince yourself that the benefits you're going to get from whatever you're going to do in the future is going to be like, you're just going to have some type of positive over what you had before. So it could be like emotional. What kind of benefit? So I think that's important, right? So what kind of benefit? What were you, if we think about you stopping your law stream, your traditional law stream and doing like more analysis. and other things like that.

What were you moving towards within yourself? Just like more like emotional happiness, I guess. So it was just like it was trading off like security, I guess, for emotional well-being. Yeah. So I guess I even sort of answered. So I think what I'm noticing is that actually when I say what were you moving towards within yourself, that's the key thing. Is that you stopped moving towards the external world. and you started moving towards yourself.

Is that fair to say? Yep. And that I think is like beautiful. And I think it's critical because when most people feel stuck in life, where do they move? I mean, normally they move, I would say it would be like the opposite, right? Like it would be more like external. They'd move towards like more external success. Absolutely.

Right? So the worst that you feel about yourself, the more that you gravitate towards an external thing, you kind of come up with a formula for success. And I imagine that when you were feeling shitty, before you decided to kind of make this big change, which sounds like it came through a lot of conversation and a lot of reflection, right? It's not like something that you just woke up one day

and you're like, fuck it, I'm done with this. Yeah. It sounds like you. Yeah, I asked other streamers, ask my friends and, you know. Yeah, so it sounds like you did a lot of soul searching to try to figure out what you wanted to do. Before you went through this process, how did you feel about like,

when you were feeling shitty about, like, so let's say, so how long ago were you in the LCS? Four years ago. Okay, so let's say like one and a half years after leaving the LCS. How happy were you? I'd say I was pretty happy, but that was because, like, it was the first time where I'd, because when I was in the LCS, it was a completely different thing. I'd never experienced financial success. And then I also was, like, traveling a bit.

And I, like, fell in love with a girl from Australia. and I was like traveling to Australia. So I just felt like my life was so cool at that point. It's like, oh, I can work from anywhere. Like I've been, you know, up until this point for the last five, six years, I've been like in a gaming house grinding. And now I have the freedom that I can just go to Australia for three months and just like experience all these new things.

So I was pretty happy at that point because everything was just like different. So what happened to your happiness? Well, I mean, obviously like the start of a relationship is always the best part. I feel like, or not necessarily always the best part. but there's like a honeymoon phase obviously right and then you start being more realistic with like your flaws the other person's flaws how you guys actually like line up together so the relationship just ended up being you know less and less beneficial for for my happiness um personally also like yeah i mean we were both dealing with with our own things like we both had depression at the same time

which was like kind of like and i think that that's kind of like when you're when you live with somebody that's depressed. I feel like it's it's like you become depressed too or something. Absolutely. Right. So, um, like we both weren't like in the best state. And then also, um, I think that my career started to plateau because I think part of the reason why I was so happy and like, like a year and a half in was like every like bit I would be like, oh, I get to see my viewers go from like 3K to 3.5 to 4K. Like I was very like focused on that being success. More viewers equals success. That's how, that's like what my mentality was. So everything was going up. And then my relationship. I'm the relationship started to like plateau and then maybe even decline,

and then my career started to plateau. So then it's just like when you start plateauing, I feel like when you don't feel like you're making any progress in your career and you don't feel like you're making any progress in your relationship, it just felt like I just wasn't like doing anything positive. Like I didn't feel like I was growing day by day. It was just like, oh, I'm just like existing. Yeah, beautifully said, right?

You're just existing. So you're not really like living life. It's just life is just moving around you. you know, and it's just kind of proceeding on its own, and you're just kind of there day-to-day. So I want to tunnel down into this a little bit. So, you know, how is your life different now? Um, in terms of, in terms of what, in terms of like... Like feeling happy? Um, well, I guess, like, part of it is that instead of looking at view count for things, um,

I'm more like proud of the content that I produce. So when I go back, I feel like because I've started like now I have two podcasts that I do and they're well receiving the community and I just like doing them. They're really exciting for me. I have like bodies of work where at the end of it, it's like it's not like, oh, I just grinded another year for no reason. I can look back at like my YouTube videos or I can like look at like a playlist of all my my videos and be like that is like a body of work I did. Here's my show, the crackdown season one. There it is. I did that. I'm proud of it. I'm happy about that. So like professionally I feel like I have some gratification where it's before. It was kind of just like month to month. Like let's try.

to just do things that bring in more viewership. Exactly. So, so I'm, and Dom, you got to let me know if I'm like hammering in a point too much, but I just hear you lacing it into so much of what you're saying. So I just want you to think a little bit about where was your barometer of success coming from when you were unhappy? Just like average view of your count. Exactly.

That was literally like the biggest thing. Where is your barometer for success coming from now? Um, just like when I'm done with whatever I produce, feeling good about it. Like, if I, if I don't get any viewers and I'm happy and like I do a piece of content that I like, I'm just like, okay, that was good for me, you know? That was beneficial. So like even, even things like coming on, um, like your show. Like I would, I are like, uh, yeah, being able to talk to you.

This is something like before I would be, like last year, I'd be weighing that like in the mentality of like, will this like increase my branding will like I'd be getting like followers from this like it's like a really like fucked up way to think but I think that just like when you stream for so long you talk to all these streamers it just becomes like so hammered into you so I'd be like thinking about okay I'm talking to Dr. Kay is it better to stream for three hours if I made more money streaming for three hours do I gain more reach by talking to to Dr. Kay and that would be just like the my like what I'd be thinking about in my head to judge whether or not I sure that that does that what's fucked up about that that sounds very intelligent to me

Well, I think it's just like so businessy when the point of talking to you is I get to talk to a Harvard PhD psychologist that is extremely intelligent about, you know, about these things that I'm thinking about, you know? So it's like it's an opportunity to talk to you. It's not an opportunity to grow my brand. Yeah. So how do you think it is that you're able to change the way that you look at a conversation? Right. So like this once again, nothing has changed in the outside world. Something has changed within you, which affects.

the way that you look at the outside world? Yeah, I don't know. I guess it's just like that quest for like, I guess it's just like being conscious of like your own happiness and then like questing towards that. I guess it would be. Yeah. And so I think this, so most people are conscious of their own unhappiness and the way that they quest towards it is on the outside, right?

Like, and that's what you were doing for a long time. Like you were thinking about the outside. You were thinking about the outcomes. you were thinking about viewership, you were thinking about monetization. Those are all important business decisions. And I venture that you actually still think about that stuff, right? Yeah, definitely. But I guess the main thing that I would say is, like, I assign value to other things.

Before I didn't assign value to, like, hang out with my friends per night. Like, it was like, oh, that, like, I don't gain anything from that monetarily or business-wise, so it's not valuable. So I think that my mentality changed, like, trying to find the value within, like, just your actions throughout the day. Like if I'm spending two hours talking to you, like, what is the value of that? What is the value of like having, you know, a good conversation with my friends? Like, how am I going to feel the next day?

Like, just assigning more value to those types of things, I think helped me like mentally a lot. Yeah, beautifully said, right? So if I think if I had to find an answer to all of the questions I've been asking you, Dom, I think you just gave it to me. So most people who are stuck, they have a set. They have like a chart in their mind about what's valuable. And they tend to gravitate towards the things that are high value. Right?

Like you kind of think about, okay, if I do this, like what's valuable is getting more viewership and making more money, getting building my brand. That's what is valuable. And so what happens is all of your actions, you think about, okay, there's high value stuff and there's low value stuff and you chase the high value stuff. And you forget about the low value stuff. The fundamental thing, sorry, go ahead. Well, I was just going to say, I also just, like, felt like I was being a fuck up if I wasn't pursuing that stuff.

So if I, like, went out and partied, I was like, oh, that's like a day I just lost streaming. Like, I'm just like fucking up. I'm being selfish as kind of how I viewed it. But it's, like, good to be selfish in that way, I would say. So the reason that you felt like, it sounds like you felt like a fuck up, but that once again is based on your perception of what's valuable and what is it. Like, you felt like a fuck up. you felt like you felt selfish and guilty for doing a low value thing instead of a high value thing. What I'm hearing from you now, I try to jot down your exact wordage because I thought it was excellent,

trying to find value and activities throughout the day. That's fundamentally what I think has changed about you. Yeah. Is that what you've done is instead of having a standard of high value and low value and gravitating towards high value stuff, you tried to find value. And so instead of like your life being about ups and downs, like there's good stuff and there's bad stuff, there's horizontal value across the board. And so what it does is it allows you to do different kinds of activities, which sort of enriches your life overall. And what's happened to your success over the last two or three years?

Well, I mean, in the last, yeah, in the last two or three months, it's I've been, I guess, or like I guess maybe five months, six months now. Yeah, yeah, it just all went up. Like everything's just been better. So that's fucking weird, right? So like if we think about you started moving away from the high value things and your success has improved. Yep. So this goes back to, and I'm convinced of this, Dom, because I've talked to a lot of people who've been very successful. And what it basically is is like, I kind of, what I see in all of them, or not all, I mean, all is a lot.

But, you know, I think what I've observed in most of them is that most of them do essentially what you did, which is that they walk away from the high value. value stuff. So success, once again, comes away from walking away from good opportunities, not taking them. And oftentimes we think about good opportunities as like things that we really need to be doing and we beat ourselves up. Go ahead. You look. Well, no, I was just going to say, like, are the opportunities actually good if you're, if like the better option is to walk away from them? Beautifully put. Right. And this is what's changed about your mindset because you used to think that there are good opportunities and they're bad opportunities. And now what I'm hearing from you is spot on. That's like, that's the next level comment is that when you look at an opportunity,

it can look good on paper, but it doesn't mean that it's good for you. Right? And that like, when we think about what someone says is a good opportunity, we're using some kind of objective or external criteria. And the whole point is that it's actually not a good opportunity, even though it looks like a good opportunity. If you ask a dozen, streamers or a hundred streamers, would you consider, like, if you have a successful viewership count delivering one kind of content, would you think about decreasing that content and trying something new? What are they going to say? I mean, I guess it depends on the streamer, because I have had friends that have just, like, walked away from that. But most people are

just going to be like, yeah, it's just a dumb business decision. Like it's just killing your career. So it is exactly. Killing your career. That's walking a, away from a quote-unquote good opportunity. And they're all fucking wrong. So I think that you have your business acumen, which I'm sure you leverage to make a successful podcast, right? It's not like you just wake up one day and you just decide to follow your heart. It's using all your business acumen, but not sacrificing the person that you are. Oh, of course. I still clickbait the fuck out of my podcast and everything like that. Right? So that's exactly what you have to do. So I'm not saying you let go of that. It's about sort of not being a slave to that clickbait.

It's about you being in charge of the clickbait instead of the clickbait being in charge of you. And used to be like, you know, if it's not clickbaitable, if I can't get more viewership, I'm not going to do it. And now you're saying like, okay, let me use my clickbaiting skills to do something that I love and try to make it successful and reach more people. Sounds beautiful.

Yeah, it's been all working out. Yeah, man. I'm really, really happy for you. You have any thoughts or questions? I just realize I've been kind of steering the conversation for a while. No, I mean, I guess my thoughts right now are, I think the way that you've like spoken about things has given me like a better idea of just like categorizing certain things. Like, because like I've thought of a lot of this stuff, but I haven't really, you know, had a conversation with somebody where I was like, okay, assigned value to other things throughout the day, which makes a lot of sense because I, I, I, um, so I, this is going to sound weird, but I listen to like a rapper named Jay Cole. I don't know if you know Jay Cole, but he's a huge rapper, and he was talking about, like,

kind of how he dealt with a, he didn't really talk about depression, but he talked about something similar to it, I guess, like, how he got out of, like, a funk, I guess is what he said. And one of the things that he was talking about is assigning value to random things throughout the day. So, like, if he took out the trash, he would try to, like, be like, hey, this is like, has a purpose. And, like, I'm taking out the trash. And then when he was done with that task, he felt good about himself afterwards. Before, it would just be like, yeah, I just got to fucking take out the trash. So I think, that that is like kind of, that's like pretty accurate in what the like goal is of trying to

just be happy is like assigning value to things and then like when you've completed them, allowing yourself to feel good about completing them. So beautifully put, Don, because this kind of goes back to this idea that taking out the trash is an activity and most people think that taking out the trash is a chore. No one looks at taking out the trash is an opportunity. And so it is it is not actually the task which brings us happiness or unhappiness. It is our attitude towards the task and the value that we're able to assign to it. That's what I'm hearing from you. And that is something that I think very, very, very few people understand. Because if you think about like, how do we live our life? It's like, oh, go to college, get a job, get married, have kids.

These are all things that we think about is like high value tasks. And so we gravitate towards those things. And then what happens is that you end up as my patient, which is like a 45-year-old investment banker, who's very successful, has a million-dollar home and, you know, makes tons of money every year and feels empty inside. Because what he has done is chase the high-value task time and time and time again instead of like, as cheesy as this sounds, following his heart. Right. And so he dreads going to work every day, but he does it because it's a good opportunity. And when he thinks about quitting, the idea is like terrifying to him. And he goes to his mentors and his bosses and his colleagues and he's like, hey, I'm thinking about quitting. And they're like, man, you're crazy.

Like, everyone wants to be like, you know, a managing partner at Goldman Sachs and you're one step away. Like, why would you walk away from this? It's such an amazing opportunity. I think that's one of the opportunities that streaming has is like, even though you will have like a certain audience that is keen to whatever content you've produced originally, I feel like you can kind of do whatever you want at the end of the day. Like there is nothing that says like you have to like, I don't have to just wake up in stream league legends every day. Like I could do something else.

Whereas like if you are an investment banker, it feels like you're kind of more pigeonholed into like, like that is what your degree is in. Like you should be an investment banker at that point. Why do you believe that his situation is different from yours? Um, I guess because of like the amount of work he probably put in in like positioning himself within that field to, to be successful.

So his, like, whatever college degree he ended up getting, I assume that he has to get a master's, potentially a Ph.D. Like, all those things to grind towards one goal. I feel like it kind of puts you in a, yeah, more like limited. How old are you, Don, if you don't mind me asking? 29. Okay. So I'm pretty sure that you have grind, like four years ago or three years ago,

I'm pretty sure that the amount of grind that both of you had done, was comparable or even yours is greater. Potentially. Right? So I don't, I think that. I guess what I was pretty much aiming at was like my grind was essentially to like, it sounds weird, but it's like your grind is like to become popular on the internet where his grind was towards getting like qualifications to be able to perform whatever job he's doing now.

Yeah. And so, so I think that, you know, this is something that I understand your perception is that way. I don't really agree. So I think that his capacity to become a. a streamer is about as high as your capacity to become an investment banker. But I think that like you can sort of do, when you say you can do whatever you want, you can't really do whatever you want to. What you can do is move like one step laterally at a time within your field. Right. So as you become like an influencer or streamer, you can start to create new content, but you're still a streamer,

but you're just kind of moving laterally. And he's capable of doing the same lateral move. So he can move from investment banking into venture capital. He can become an angel and investor. He can become CFO, chief financial officer of like a company. He can move that way. And that's basically what I did too. I mean, I'm, you know, a psychiatrist. And so I trained for many, many years to like understand psychiatry and neuroscience. And so I can't become a pro gamer, but I can sure as hell start talking to gamers about their mental health and how their brain works. That's like a pretty big lateral step if you think about it, right? Yeah, no, that makes that makes perfect sense. You're definitely right about that. Yeah. And so I think, you know, as you understand the individual field,

I think everyone can make lateral changes. You can't jump from like A to Z, but you can definitely go from like A to D. And what I'm hearing from you is that you've branched out laterally. And I think this is also something that leads to a lot of success is when people start branching out laterally from their like one thing. So to produce a podcast, I think, is like a fantastic idea, right? Because you're kind of, there's some of your core audience and then you're kind of appealing to like slightly different people. You're kind of expanding your base by offering a different kind of content. There are a lot of people, like, so what percentage of League of Legends players have podcasts?

Not sure. Not sure. A small amount. Exactly, right? So you're also differentiating yourself from your competition because there are lots of people who are League of Legends players. There are lots of pros, lots of streamers. It's a very popular game.

But not everyone has a podcast. So you're kind of enhancing your brand by kind of expanding that way. So, I mean, yeah, I'm just, I'm really happy to, am I just talking too much? Because I'm excited. I love what I'm hearing. Okay. This is making sense? Yeah, it's making perfect sense.

I think it's helping. For sure. How is it helping? I guess just like giving more definition to a lot of like the ideas I've had and like some reinforcement on certain ideas. Some like new opinions on other ideas. Like obviously like what we just talked about about like lateral movements within your field.

I think that that's like something that I can definitely take and like apply to whatever I do next if I do something next. Or just like a different way to kind of think about what I am doing. Because I kind of just viewed it as like, oh, I'm doing different shit, but it's better to think about it as, like, lateral moves within your field. I think that's, like, a very, like, good idea. Yeah, so I'm happy it's helpful. And I'm a little bit curious. Why does defining stuff help?

I guess it's because then when I think about the concept, I can kind of just, like, jump to things. So instead of just thinking about, like, things in so many words in my head or just, like, I don't have to be like, oh, I move from this to that. and like, like, I can just be like, that's a lateral move within my field. What's another idea? Like, what's, so that's the concept, right? So then if I, like, can define the concept to me, I think that it just will, like, help me apply it later on. Okay. So it makes a lot of sense, Dom.

I'm going to still push you a little bit, okay? So now what I'm going to ask you to do is define how defining is helpful. So, right? So I think defining is helpful because it gives you, like, a mental framework in which you can, like, apply. the concept to different things. What is different about problem solving with a mental framework versus problem solving without a mental framework? What does it do in your mind? I think it's like just like, it's like driving when you have like directions.

That's kind of how I see it. It's just like having a map to something. Okay. So this is going to sound kind of like a dumb question. But why is driving with directions better than driving without directions? I guess it just makes you feel more like calm and stiff. able while you're while you're driving like for me like I'll just I'll feel better about it. So I'm sure you feel better about it. But I think if we think about the like, pardon me for saying

so, I just don't think that that's really, that's a piece of it, but that's not the majority of it, right? If I'm trying to get from point A to point B, it's just knowing where you're going. Exactly. Right. It has nothing to do with how I fucking feel. It's about like knowing where you're going, right? Yeah. And and so, so this is where I'm going to pull. Do you, meditate, by the way? No. Okay. I tried, I've tried a couple times. I think that it's super high value, right? I just, I don't know. I feel like I should meditate. I feel like that's, that's like a long can we can we save a little bit of time? I'd love to talk to you about meditation if you're interested in learning. I'd love to help you try to problem solve about how you can meditate in a way that

feels comfortable for you. Yeah. And is helpful. So I'm going to use a concept from meditation. So this is what I'm going to say. So if we think about getting from, you know, where you are to where your destination is, if you have a roadmap, it essentially focuses the effort of driving. Does that make sense? So instead of driving across 10 different roads, you pick the one road, and so all of your gas is spent on getting from point A to point B instead of driving all over the place. What a mental framework does is essentially focuses your mental energy in a particular direction. And so So if we listen to some of the language that you use, you felt like you were doing, quote, all kinds of random stuff. If I had to use a word to describe that, it would be unfocused.

Yeah. Does that make sense? So I think that generally speaking, the reason that defining our problems is important is because we are all generally speaking pretty smart people. And we have a high amount of mental energy. When a lot of people feel stuck, I think they start to feel stupid about themselves or they start to feel unhappy or whatever. whatever, and they start to think that, like, essentially their stats are too low, right? They think, like, oh, I'm lazy or I'm on disciplined or I have low willpower. So their willpower score is like a three instead of like an 18.

And someone looks at you and they say, like, oh, wow, Dom is so successful. He's super disciplined. Do you think the reason that your success is because you're disciplined? I used to think a part of it was, but, yeah, I don't think that's a huge part of it anymore. What do you think it is? Um, I'm not, I'm not 100% sure. I think definitely there was, there was some element of luck because I was in early and then, um, hmm, I've never really thought about that. I don't know.

I think it might, I think it might be like, so, I mean, I, I think it might be, like, uniqueness, like, because I was, like, I don't know, I was just more, um, vocal about my thoughts towards things. and I was more just like harsh or like, you know, I was very, um, extreme, I guess, with my thoughts. I thought that that might have been part of like the reason why people wanted to listen. Like, even if they don't agree with me, the fact that I would say things that other people wouldn't say would just like gravitate them towards me. I'm not sure. Okay. So I think it's worth exploring, you know, to understand. So a lot of times we spend a lot of time like understanding why we fail, right?

So like if you think about like if you're a law player, would you say that watching, you know, a replay where you lose or watching a replay where you win is more valuable. I mean, obviously watching yourself lose. Exactly, right? Yeah. But let's think about that for a second. Because I don't think that that's actually true. Yeah, I know where you're going now.

Tell me where I'm going. Where am I going? So it's just kind of like watching yourself lose within like your career and analyzing that and trying to learn from that is going to give you like a better, like it's going to help you grow more than like watching yourself. successful. And what do you think about that? Yeah, it's 100% right. That's definitely what's 100% right? That you should be viewing like like when you take L's, you should be really trying to internalize like and grow from those as much as possible and use them as like opportunities for improvement rather than, you know, just feel bad about them. I completely

agree with that. The other thing is the other point that I'm trying to make is that I think you can learn a lot from your W's as well. Right. So I think that learning why you lose is just as important. is learning why you win. And in fact, we have a bias to focus on the losses. And instead, like, what we should actually do is, like, understand why we're winning. So when I think about, you know, when I talk to people, most people talk to me about their problems. But what I think is just as important is so they'll say, oh, I can't take out the trash. But I think what's just as important is, have you ever taken out the trash?

And the answer to that is yes. And then asking them, what was different about that day? Right? so that you can study your successes just like you study your failures, and that if you really want to be successful, you should study your failures and successes and understand why on one day you make the right choice, and on another day you make the wrong choice. Right? So anyway, I think studying your successes is actually very important. And I think for us, like, digging into why you've been successful, I want to come back to one word, which is uniqueness. So I think

luck is also an important word, and I think there's a lot behind these. And I think the reason that uniqueness is important is for what I'm hearing from you is that you allowed yourself to be yourself. Yeah. Yeah. I would say so. But it definitely bit me in the ass. sure. That's part of the learning process. But if you think about it, I think a lot of people are held back because they have a formula for success, which is based on the high value things and the low value things. And they gravitate towards the high value things because they think that this is an external formula for success. Because this is what allowed Dom to be successful. This is what allowed Dr. K to be successful. So I have to do what they did in order to be successful. And this kind of circles back to the good opportunities, right? they say like, oh, I need, like, if I take a good opportunity, that's sort of this objective idea of like good for everyone. It's like a universal ranking. Does that make sense?

Yeah. And what I'm hearing from you is that you allowed yourself to be yourself. And I think that a lot of success comes from people, instead of following someone else's playbook, understanding that your life is fundamentally different, that your circumstances are fundamentally different and that you are fundamentally different from any human being who has ever existed. You know, no one has been a former pro of Loll five years ago named Dom who produces a podcast, that you have a fully unique circumstance in life.

And that the more that you base your strategy on your unique circumstance, the more, like, the better off you're going to do. Like, does that just logically make sense? But the crazy thing is that's not what people do. Right? Like, what do most people do to try to be successful, Dom? They funneled themselves into whatever mold has been created by other people that have been successful. Exactly.

And so if we really look at your success, it sounds like you sort of found your own way to being a pro-law player. And then you also funneled yourself into a mold based on other people, which is he became the former pro who became a streamer. And you found some success. And it sounds like a lot of your enjoyment for the first year or two afterward, because you had made it. Right? And you're just coasting and enjoying the fruits of your labor, which it absolutely makes sense. sense. But ultimately those kinds of pleasurable activities that are really cool are not going to lead to your sustained happiness. It's essentially like material pursuits. Agree or disagree?

No, I agree. Yeah. And then now what you're doing is living a life that is Dharmic. Dharmah is the Sanskrit word for duty or responsibility. And I think what you're doing is you're living a life of like duty to yourself and to other people. What do you think about that? Does that make sense? I think it almost sounds like too pure for what I'm doing, but I agree with like the overall concept. Yeah. It just sounds like a little too pure for it for me, just knowing myself. Makes a lot of sense. So the, harma is not actually as pure as people think it is. It sounds pure. Okay. But it's just a really fucking bumpy road. Right. So it's like, it's like you're, but you're living a life that I think you find fulfilling and is aligned with the person that you are. you're noticing that you have certain advantages and unique qualities and you're like turning those advantages and unique qualities into like opportunities and the world is kind of like meeting you halfway yeah um yeah so i'm gonna just pause once again because i'm kind of at the end of a train of thought and i've kind of been monologing for a little while so just give you a chance like any thoughts questions um thoughts are questions i don't know i feel like as we've been going most of my questions i've been answered like i've just felt pretty

free to be able to just interject with whatever I was thinking during it. So I don't have any like overall thoughts that I haven't already stated. So what would you like to do? So we can do a couple of things next. Let me just see how we're doing on time. Okay. So we've been talking for just a little under an hour. I'm happy to continue talking for a little bit longer or even way longer if you want to. So I tend to stream for about 45 more minutes. So there are a couple of things that we can do. One is we can we can talk about meditation if you're curious. We can talk about why why people are toxic and why you used to be toxic and what's changed. Or we can talk. I think I would still be qualified as toxic. Okay. Good. Yeah, I would like to talk about that. I think that that would be

interesting. Yeah, so tell me about toxicity. I mean, I guess for me, it seems to like start at frustration. So like the more frustrated you are, the more toxic you'll be. Um, and, and, you're, and, And just in general, I guess, like being able to, like, handle that frustration well is something that I still struggle with. Like, even if I'm not typing to my teammates anymore recently, I still am thinking what I'm saying. Or I'm still thinking and saying, like, what my issue is constantly. So I guess, like, trying to, that's one thing that's really hard for me is, like, having a more positive mindset towards, like, even, like, in-game, doomed situations. like when you know you are like stuck in a negative situation like how to find positivity in those moments because it just for me it just feels like almost like a waste of time so trying to like find

value within that I think is something that I've struggled with which is like why I consider myself toxic so you consider yourself toxic because you have even though you don't speak toxicly anymore you still think toxic thoughts you say toxic things and you have a bleak outlook on the circumstances of the game yes and how what is a non-touch toxic person do in your situations? How are they different? I think that they're just like more okay, just like giving their best effort and then not really caring about the result as much.

So if they like, they're, I think they're better at like finding value within situations that could be like unwinnable. So if like they view it as like, hey, this is a loss guaranteed, they can still find something to like learn in the game. But for me, I think that I'm at this point, I'm very attached to the, to the result. Um, and if the result is negative, it seems like my, like, all my thoughts are negative towards myself and like my teammates.

Do you watch our streams? I do. Okay. But I haven't watched like every stream and sure entirely. I think the only one that I watched completely was the destiny one. I found that one very interesting. No, it's, it's okay. I was just a little bit curious about some of the dialogue you use because it's the same

dialogue that I use and was curious about, um, Yeah, but yeah, I definitely do watch your streams. Interesting. So, so, I mean, I think, because it's weird, because usually when I ask people a question about toxicity, I expect them to not have the answer articulated so well right away. Maybe that's because I'm underestimating who you are and what you've discovered. But yeah, it's interesting because I think that's basically,

I would agree with you 100%, right? And so maybe that's my arrogance. but I think it also kind of goes back to what you were saying earlier about, you know, taking out the trash, right? So it sounds like the barrier of where your growth is is you have learned how to find value and things that you've changed the way that you look at value when it comes to everything except for actually playing a game of league of budgets. Yeah, pretty much. When it comes to playing lull, you know, you're really good at like finding value, like discovering value and what you used to perceive as low value opportunities, like going out with friends. When it comes to fucking lull,

yeah. I find like no value in it if I'm losing pretty much. Yeah. So, so let's think a little bit about how to help you find value in that. So that once again, so I'm sure that I could logically tell you and that you could logically convince yourself that even in a losing game, there's something to be learned. Of course. Right? So what is, what, how do you as a whole? person respond to that logical argument.

I don't know if that question makes sense. I guess, I guess so for me, the reason why I'm frustrated is I just feel like I'm not going to be learning enough to satisfy the negative experience that I'm feeling. Like, it's not worth being pissed off and frustrated for that amount of time to get whatever like small little like positive piece of information that I could get out of the game. Yep. So what? So I think this comes down to.

maybe we can kind of come full circle. You know, playing a losing game can have a positive impact or it can have a negative impact. And it comes entirely to your attitude. So why do you get so pissed off in League of Legends? I think that just inherently it's a frustrating game. I mean, I know a lot of the time you use Jota references, right? So it's the same type of situation where at the end of the day, right, like you're only

10% of the game, right? You're one out of 10 players in the game. So so often you're going to have. like other people determine the outcome instead of you right like you can always push your team a little bit up a little bit down but overall it's going to be based on like the performance of other people and not yourself enemies and um teammates for the situation so i think it's just like an inherently frustrating experience also there's um in the game i play like i know dota has voice comms there's no voice comms in this game so there's almost no communication between oh interesting league of legend doesn't have voice communication yeah Yeah, it doesn't have voice communication. So for me, it's very frustrating because I obviously played a lot of team play. Like, I scrimmed with a team.

I played professionally for years where I just feel like it's so much of a better game to play. It's so much of a better experience where you're able to just communicate with your teammates. So, for example, in like the rare occurrences where I've been able to, like, find five people and get them on Discord together. But we've talked, even if you lose, it's almost always a better experience when you can, like, hear people thought like if somebody dies and they're like hey my bad like a shit i like fucked up like whatever that always makes me feel better than whatever people type like i think that people are just more human over voice communication than they are over like text so so so so how do you view

people when you're not able to communicate with them like how do you actually think about a league of legends i don't even view them as like people absolutely right they're not they're not even people to me at that point mouth reed or neanderthals well i mean they're just they're just like yeah or just whatever character it is. Just complete waste of space. Just toxic-ass bots, right? Yep, pretty much. Jesus.

Yeah, man, I know. So, you know, having played a Mova myself, so I started playing Dota maybe like 10 or 12 years ago. And absolutely, man, you just completely dehumanize them. And it's kind of interesting because like when you dehumanize people, like your experience gets worse. Yeah, it's easier to also be toxic to them because like you don't view that, like you don't really like view the impact of your words as meaningful because you don't view them as

meaningful. Yeah. So. You know, what you're describing kind of reminds me of like breaking an inanimate object when you're frustrated. Like if I, if I like, you know, if I step on a toy and I get angry, like, I'm going to pick up the toy and I'm just going to fucking throw it into the river. And it's kind of like you can just unload on it because it's just this fucking thing that's making you. your life worse and it's annoying and it's bad and I don't like it. Good.

Yeah, so I think, you know, we can, it's interesting because I think you're doing a good job of actually, I mean, I feel like I'm learning a lot about the nature of toxicity and just how much of the toxicity comes from, you know, the dehuman, like it's the dehumanization and that when you're dealing with humans, it's harder to be toxic. What do you, do you think that that sort of translates, like, why are people toxic on, like, on your, stream. Like, why are your, your viewers toxic? You said that there are always some people who are just going to be, like, looking for... So, like, I'll go and say this. I think that League of Legends viewers are innately toxic. Like, it's just because of the experience of the game and also,

I think that they dehumanize you to some point. So if you go to, like, any League of Legends stream, I think you're going to find some degree of negativity unless you... Why? I just, I think that it's just because people see only your perspective. And, and, you're And they're not, and like, they'll, I guess, over-prioritize or under-prioritize things you're doing and not really be able to see the full picture of what's going on. Also, I don't think that people are as focused on what's going on as the person playing most of the time. Like when you're watching a stream, you're just like, oh, I saw you make one mistake, so that invalidates your criticism of the team because you're making mistakes too.

And they have this like arbitrary system of all mistakes are equal, all situations are equal like that. I'm not sure. I think that it's also that. And then also, like, if you're more negative, if you're more frustrated yourself, I think people feed off that because they're like, hey, this guy's already pissed off. I can get a bigger reaction out of him. Like, if I am negative, then if I am positive based on, like, how he is right now. Yeah. So I think you bring up a good point about sort of like, you know, they don't look at the whole picture.

What I'm kind of curious about is why does someone watch a Twitch story and try to get a bigger reaction out of you? Like, what's that about? I guess it's just like feeling the connection with the streamer. Like if you can get them to react negatively or positively, I feel like they feel like they've influenced you in some way. They feel more like part of the stream, I guess. Or they feel like it's a more real experience. And then also, I guess part of it is also like just doing it for humor,

doing it for their own self-gratification. You know, it's funny to make somebody else. angry. It's funny for everyone else. When I'm angry, it's funny for everyone else except for me, it feels like, most of the time. Yep. So let's just think about that for a second, okay? What's up with that? Why is it funny for some human beings, you know, to make other human beings angry? Like, why do we enjoy ruining someone's life? I feel like, just ask Twitch chat and you'll get a better response and you'll get out of me. Yeah, so that's why I really wish.

I wish I could look at Twitch chat right now, but I can't because I, you know, I'm on a laptop and my potato set up, but, um, I mean, I'm reading a lot of your comments because we are sadistic as fuck. Uh, yeah, so the question is, to make them mold. Like, I don't know. So the question is why, right? Like, why are, why is Twitter chat, like, what, what are we tapping into? Because I, I think it's not, I don't think that human beings are inherently bad. I do think that trolling comes from a very genuine place deep within inside, deep inside us, right? I would love to hear your take on this. And, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, I,

if we kind of, if we kind of, if we kind of, I'll, kind of, kind of, I'll kind of, sort of a little bit of a hint, which is that what influences your toxicity, right? So, what within you creates your toxicity? Um, I guess part of it is, like, not being able to, like, fully express my skill. So, like, if you're losing really hard, right? and I know there's nothing I can do to win no matter if I play perfectly I think that not being able to like show people how good I am really like fucks with me

so I don't know if that's insecurity or what that is but like that's really frustrating that's a super frustrating thing it's like beautiful so let me ask you something do you think that the majority of people on Twitter chat are able to fully express their value as human beings probably not

I'd assume that they're dealing with whatever same situation whatever life they have? Yeah, so do you think that the majority of people who are toxic on stream or what do you think, what do you think about, can you have any idea of how they feel about themselves? I mean, I'm not sure, right? Because I would want to say, yeah, they probably, like, a lot of it is like projection where people are feeling shitty about themselves, so they want to make somebody else feel shitty.

But I know that there's just people that that aren't like that necessarily. Good. But, so I don't want you to give me the right answer. I want you to give me the answer of your heart. And the answer of your heart is that it's more complicated. That some people are just fucking trolls. Yeah. Right?

That's what I'm hearing from you. Is that there's supposed to be this right psychological answer, but honestly, some of us are just fucking trolls. And we're just toxic human beings. I agree with you 100%. Right? So I think that there's just something fundamentally human. Schaden Freud. You know what that word means?

It's grown a lot recently. No. So shot in Freud. is the German word for deriving pleasure out of like the pain of others. So it's not quite sadism, but it's basically why trolls do what they do.

And I think that too is like fundamentally human. I don't think it has to be a deep psychological conflict. But I do wonder a little bit about, so I do think that you hit on something about fully expressing your skill. So I think that there's, if we think about what makes you satisfied in life, you know what we were saying earlier about the podcast is like why is the podcast satisfying to you

because it's not about viewership yeah yeah because at the end i have like a body of work that i'm proud of yeah exactly right so you can look at this and you can say i made this this is me this is actually an accurate representation of who i am i can look at a piece of work that i have produced and i can say that this fully expresses my skill in this moment and you can derive satisfaction from that you can be fully yourself and you can be fully yourself and you can create something of yourself and you can derive value out of it. That has nothing to do with how people perceive you.

It has nothing to do with how many people watch your podcast. It has nothing to do with what kind of criticism you get. It's just about your internal feeling of being able to express your skill. And I think, you know, what you said makes a lot of sense. I think a lot of people are toxic online because they don't have a place to do that. And so they feel frustration.

And then they also find a place where they can vent their frustration. And like you also said, I think that allows them to feel connected. Yeah. The other thing that I just like to point out is you were saying earlier that your toxicity, originally you said, comes from a sense of frustration. So I've also found that most people who are angry or hurt. What do you think about that?

I'd agree to some extent. So this is like kind of like most of the psychiatrists like go into like my past or whatever. And like one thing that that one of them said that made sense was. So I dealt with like a lot of just like bad experiences early in my life. One of them was. So like this is going to sound way worse than it is. So I was physically abused by my dad. But it wasn't ever like it was sometimes like he would lose control.

But I never was scared of my dad. I never didn't love my dad. It was just like I knew that when he was triggered, like I could trigger him. And I knew that if I triggered him, like the result would be I was get fucked up. Right. So I dealt with that. And then I also, I got robbed at gunpoint when I was like 19. So pretty much a lot of the, or the psychiatrist that I talked to kind of form that as like,

I have a problem when people are like hurting me and I don't and I'm not able to like stand up to it or I'm not able to fight it. So they're kind of tying that into like maybe how I am with like comments affecting me or like in this type of situation frustration because like if people are saying mean things to me online, I can't do anything to stop them saying like me. I could mute them but I can't actually do anything about it. So it's like a feeling of just like not being able to deal with the situation. So I think that that makes some sense but I wasn't completely bought in. but um tell me about your skepticism um hmm i don't know i'm not sure why i just feel like it's just not true but just like it just in hmm i actually would have to think i'd have to think more about it

so so so i want you to try to re conceptualize maybe this will is it okay if we try to think through that together or you don't want to have this conversation we just come out no no i i'm fine having this conversation so i i don't think that um i don't think what they said is not true I think what they said is much like what I say on stream, simplistic. So it feels more incomplete to me than untrue. What do you think about that? Yeah, I think that there's definitely truth within there. Like, I definitely don't like when people are hurting me and I can't do anything about it.

Sure, no one does. But I feel like most people, yeah, I feel like most people don't, right? Yeah, like no one does. Who would? So, yeah, I don't know if my feeling of that is more extreme. dream because of experiences I've had in my life, though. That's where I'm, like, kind of lost. Like, I just feel like it's something that, like,

psychiatrists want to, or like, at least the psychiatrist, I talked to. It just felt like she wanted to find, like, a reason behind, like a reason in my early childhood. I feel like that's a lot of what it is. Like, a reason in your early childhood, why that shaped you to be a certain way. Yeah.

And what I'm hearing from you is that they may, that may have influenced it, that we're missing something. Right? So when we think about, like, Reddit mischaracterizing you, we can sort of say like, oh, like this is, this is what we do. Then we are in the psychiatry. We do like the Sigmund Freud one. And we kind of say, oh, the people on Reddit and the Twitch chat is your father.

And they are hitting you and there's nothing you can do about it. And we like to cause the connections. And we say, oh, that's wonderful. It's so beautiful. I mean, it's not beautiful, but we are enamored with the analytical part of it. Yep. But it sounds like it's incomplete. Right.

So like, when Reddit mischaracterizes you, I think it actually is quite different. And let me tell you why. So when your dad, it sounds like when he used to hit you, you sort of understood that like the weather. Like it didn't actually, I'm not hearing that it evoked that much emotion in you. It was kind of like you knew. Well, I always felt like I did it myself. You know, like I knew. I think I was smart enough as a kid to, I.

identify, like, when I was doing things that were going to get me, like, like, when I was triggering my dad. Like, I understood when I was triggering him fully. So I felt like I had a decent amount of control over the situation in that respect. So it's not like, I guess that's part of, I guess, I guess this kind of ties into what you were saying before. Like, why do I think it's completely not true? It's because I did feel like I had some level of control.

I felt like I could say certain things. Like, if I said to my dad, I don't love you anymore, something like that, like the kids say to their parents, right? Like, I would get hit. Yeah. So actually, Dom, this sounds very different to me. So I think we're talking about two different things

because when I think about what you're describing, you have agency in the situation with your dad. Yeah. Right? What I'm hearing about Reddit and Loll is actually the exact opposite. Yeah. That you have no power to change what you're saying about.

Yeah, so that's what I'm trying to say is like that's the, that's where I think that there is like, well, I do think I have some degree of power, but I just think that it's, It's really hard. It feels different to me. It feels like we're talking about two different things. Does that make sense?

I guess. So let me ask you this. Have you had, because we are going to talk about childhood. Yeah. So have you had a period, like has something happened to you that you remember where you felt really, really unable to alter other people's opinions of you? Where people judged you or treated you a certain way and you couldn't do anything about it? when I was a child or now, or what exactly? Anytime.

Um. Where you were mischaracterized. Uh, I'm not sure. I don't, I think, I think maybe I was mischaracterized a little bit by my parents, but I think that that's like normal. Um, just in, in terms of what, just like what I was good at, you know, like, it always kind of was like, oh, you're just like, you're not a hard worker because you don't work hard in school, but I felt like I was always a hard worker.

things that I cared about, right? So, like, when I was in high school, like when I had my first girlfriend, you know, I felt like I put a lot into the relationship because I cared about her and I cared about that experience. When I, you know, would play sports, I cared a lot about the results of my team. So I felt like I was, I'm able to work hard. I just don't have the capability to work hard about things I don't care about is what I would say. Yeah.

So I think that that makes sense. Does that is the way that when they told you that, do you, did you feel, did you feel the way that when they judged you in that way, did you feel the way that you do when someone posts something on Reddit and mischaracterizes you? Yeah. It's like the whole like you don't actually get me or you're like missing the point type thing. Yeah. And has there has there been a particular time where it's not so much about them abusing you, but them like missing the point? Like as someone, has there been a time in your life where you felt like it was really important for someone to like understand you and they miss the point? Um,

Yeah, I mean, I guess with the whole Reddit situation, that's pretty much mainly what it is. Yeah. Like, I feel like it's like, okay, you can overfocus on like, it's like I said mean things true. But like the problem that I'm dealing with, like what I'm trying to get at, like the overall concept is just like not being attacked. It's like I'm just being attacked as a person because of what I said. Yeah. So are you still seeing a therapist or psychiatrist? No.

Okay. Okay. So one thing to just think a little bit about is that, so first of all, I agree with, so I trust your sentiment that. that, you know, if you feel like what the psychiatrists say, which if we had talked about it, I likely would have come to the same conclusion because we're trained to think in a particular way. I trust you, though, in the sense that I've come to trust what people believe about themselves,

irrespective of how brilliant my hypothesis and formulation is, if it doesn't fit with you, I think it's just wrong. I think ultimately you were the judge, jury, and executioner of knowing what is right for what is wrong and as knowledgeable or as studied as I am. I don't fucking, I don't live your life, so I can't know. I can't really know.

Yeah. Yeah, I mean, so just to clarify, I didn't stop going to the psychiatrist because I felt like it wasn't useful. I think that it was just kind of like, I understood what I wanted to do. Like, it was kind of like,

okay, you gave me a bunch of information. I'm going to try to like apply that to my life. And then like, it's not like I can just see them every week and that's going to drastically change. It's like I need to actually have some time to live my life. differently and then based off that like I still plan on potentially seeing her like again at some point it's just I just wanted to like kind of work on the stuff it's like it's like it's almost like

information overload it's like okay you've given me like all this stuff to do it takes a while to like set it up I set it up I feel better now so I probably should go back at some point like even when I'm in a positive mental state like I don't feel like I only need to go there when I'm not feeling well but um yeah just like I kind of just wanted to work on things myself and just see the results yeah I'm glad you clarified that I at the same time I didn't get the perception. I mean, it sounded to me like you had three to four sessions that were very useful. Yeah, very good. Yeah, I thought you was very good. The reason that you stopped going was not because you were fixed or that it wasn't helping, but just because like you got a lot out of it

and you needed to apply it to your life. And so the reason I kind of asked you is because I think if you go back or when you go back, then you should consider sort of exploring this aspect. And instead of attributing it to, you know, you being powerless against Reddit, it sounds like your dad is actually a different situation because you felt like in a sense you were in control. And maybe that's also why you said, you know, you made an interesting disclaimer, which is this sounds way worse than it is, which is weird for someone to say when they talk about getting hit. But yeah, it's because, I guess it's because normally when I hear like other things, it's like they actually feel like their parents don't love them or their parents are like alcoholics and do it and like they just like they live in fear all the time like I never lived in fear of my dad yeah I never thought that he was like just going to hit me randomly it was always like if we get into a conversation we get into like an argument and I say certain things I can like like it would I think the part of it was just like being like manipulative like as a kid like I understood that like if my mom sees my dad hit me I'm automatically right in the argument you know it's like oh that's like oh that

and suddenly you never hit the kid. Like it's just this whole thing. So I think that it was kind of like me being like, you know, like being a little shit. So, so I think that what I'm hearing from you is that what makes it not as bad as it sounds, is that it sounds like you actually had a fair amount of control and power in that relationship, despite being physically weaker. Yes. And that a lot of times when people are in abusive situations,

part of the most damaging part is not necessarily the physical abuse, but the lack of power or control in the relationship. Which I didn't feel. Like, I actually felt like I had power. Like, yeah, that's the thing. It's like I felt like I had power even though he was hitting me. Yeah. So that sounds completely opposite of the situation on Reddit.

So I guess now that we've like talked it through more, that's why I don't agree with that discussion because it is just different inherently. I completely agree. That's really useful. Yeah. Pretty good at what you do, I guess. Well, it helps to have someone who's very insightful and pays attention. So. I didn't hear you.

because it cut out. I said it helps to have someone who's insightful and pays attention. Well, try my best. Thanks, man. I appreciate it. And so I was just going to say, I think if you visit that psychiatrist again, I think it's worth exploring that dichotomy, right? That, like, actually, the feeling with your dad is very different from the feeling with Reddit.

And if we ever do a follow-up and you want to talk more about that, we can talk more about that. But one thing that I... I mean, because also it sounds like you had a kind of a little bit of a light bulb there. So fantastic. So you can play with that, you know, work with it, do whatever you want to. I wanted to just give you, I just, I wanted to give you the opportunity if you're interested to learn a little bit about meditation and that maybe we could meditate together before we wrap up. We don't have to. But I just want to make sure we have enough time for that if you're interested.

Sure. Yeah. I would love to like have some, you know, direction with meditation. So tell me a little bit about your experience of meditation so far. It's very, very limited. So, like, I took a yoga class a while back, and we would do meditation. So, I mean, like, I understand, like, the having, like, correct posture sitting up, trying to, like, concentrate on your breathing and just, like, like, trying not to think. Like, I just always end up thinking about something the entire time.

Trying not to think? Well, I guess, I guess that, yeah, that was kind of how I understood it. It's, like, you kind of want to let, like, your mind, like, rest or something, or you want to just, yeah. Maybe I'm wrong about this, but that's kind of... You are wrong. I think that's why you're having difficulty. So we can fix that. Awesome.

Because trying not to think, if you're trying not to think you're doing it wrong and you're never going to be successful. And most people, it's a very, very, very common misconception. But you can't try not to think. Trying not to think is going to be the opposite of what meditation is. So let's start there. So when you're trying not to think, are you creating, are you creating, tension or relaxation within your mind? Tension, definitely.

Absolutely, right? Because you're actively trying not to think, yeah. And so what are you doing within your mind? What kind of tension? What's on the two sides? Like, tension implies like pulling or conflict between two sides. What are on the two sides of the tension? I guess just like you're naturally thinking and then you're telling yourself, don't do that.

Exactly, right? So you're fighting with yourself. So as long as you're fighting within yourself, you're never going to be able to meditate. In fact, it is the very opposite because what you're doing is you're fueling more thoughts. Does that make sense? Yeah. So I want you guys to understand that energy in the mind produces thoughts, and thoughts in the mind produce energy. So if we think about, you said that you've been diagnosed with panic disorder. So for example, when you're panicking, is your mind super energetic or low energy?

Oh, it's super, super energetic. Absolutely, right? And is there when you're panicking, is there tension within your mind or there are parts of your mind that are fighting? Oh, yeah, no, it's all a fight. Like, for me, it was always like, because my main symptom was like breathing. Like, I just felt like I couldn't breathe. So it's just

constantly like, like, like, okay, no, you are breathing. You're definitely breathing. And then like the other side is like, no, you're not breathing. Like, something seriously wrong with you. Like, you're going to fucking die. Do something. Yeah. That is. So would you say that oftentimes in panic disorder, when you were panicking, you were actually trying not to think certain thoughts? Yeah, definitely. Right? So let's just think about that for a second.

While you're in a panic attack, you are trying not to think certain thoughts. And your goal in meditation is to try not to think certain thoughts. Okay, yeah. So that's the problem. Absolutely, man. So what you're actually doing is the same mode of activity. So if we think about the mechanics of the mind, you're doing the same mode of activity as a panic attack.

I'm not saying that it's actually the same as a panic attack. What I'm saying is if we tunnel down into like the function of what your mind is doing, you're creating energy. Panic attacks are high energy. You're trying not to think certain things. So it's actually very similar to a panic attack, which is why it hasn't worked for you. Right?

Because essentially you're like sort of doing the same thing as a panic attack. So what we actually want to do is, is, so this is also good because, I mean, a lot of times I really struggle when people are meditating right, because then it's hard to teach them. But if they're doing something colossally wrong, and I say this with love, Dom, because at this point I have some genuine affection for you, you're doing it colossally wrong. So that's actually pretty good because... No, it's also better for me. Yeah. If I was doing it right, it'd be more confusing.

Exactly. So the first thing is to try to not try to think. Or try, not try not to, try not to think. I know what you're saying. Yeah. So essentially what we need to do, I want you to think about... So don't try not to think. Yeah.

And so, but that too is trying. So you can do that as much as you want to, and that's still going to create tension. So what we actually need to do is stop the trying entirely. And what we need to do is try to relax. That's going to, you can't try to relax. That's the other thing. You've ever had trouble falling asleep? You're like, man, I just really need to relax and go to sleep.

And what does that do? Does that let you sleep? No. It's the opposite, right? So what we need to do is train you how to let go. And there are two ways that we can do that. We can either directly try to train you how to let go. But you seem to me to be a trier.

Does that make sense? Yeah. You're a trier. So I think it's a big part of your cognitive fingerprint, so the unique way that your mind works. For those of you who are interested in Ayurveda, Dom has a lot of pitha. Have you watched anything about Ayurveda?

No. Okay. So you can even see it in his name. right? So I will dominate is Bitha. So you have a fiery mind. It's about domination, suppression, argument, trying, effort, passion, conflict. Like, that's where you excel. Creation. It's like a very, very active mind. So I think what we actually need to do is direct to your mind. So we need to have, we need to give you, we don't want to try to not think. We want to give you something to focus on. Exactly. We want to direct your thinking.

because this too, it sounds like what you benefit. I mean, your intellect is actually quite profound, and you're very easily able to take information and direct your thinking in a new way. And what I want you to do is just if you go back and watch the Vod, that's basically what we've been doing for an hour and a half. Like when you talk about reframing, right, and looking at things in a new way,

giving your mind a frame, why does your mind thrive with a frame? Because then you can focus your energy in one way. So a frame allows you. to focus your energy. And what you're really good at is actually focusing your energy. Okay. Right? So what we need to do for you to meditate is give you something that focuses the full attention of your mind. Do you have a reluctance to use a breathing technique?

No. Okay. No. I use breathing techniques to help my panic disorder. It's one of the things I do. So what kind of breathing have you done? Um, just like really standard into the nose, out of the mouth, deep breaths, like that type of thing. Okay. So I want to give you something that is going to be mentally taxing. Okay. So what we want to do for you to be able to meditate, what we need is for the energy of your mind not to be built up through tension, but through dissipate through effort. Okay. Does that make sense? Yeah. So we're going to, we can try a couple of things. Okay. So I'm going to just, I got to sit. cross the leg.

So is it going to be like more complicated breathing techniques that require more attention? Absolutely. Okay. Okay. We're going to try to complicate you to the extent of what you can handle. Okay. Perfect. Okay.

And so the first, so if you've watched streams before, you've got to let me know if you've tried this at home. Okay. So the first thing that I'm going to try to teach you is something called triphasic breathing. So it's a relatively somatic experience and it should be like cognitively a little bit burdensome. Okay. Okay. So what I'm going to ask you to do is sit up straight and close your eyes. Do you know how to belly breathe? Yes. Okay. So what I want... Like with your diaphragm? Yes. So the first thing that I want you to do, so I'm going to just teach other people. So I want everyone at home to do this too. Okay. So close your eyes.

And I want you to breathe with your belly. And what that means is when you breathe in, expand your stomach, kind of push your abdomen out. and when you breathe out, contract your belly and pull in. And what you can do is kind of focus on your navel, your belly button. And when you breathe in, imagine your belly button moving away from your spine. And when you breathe out, pull your belly button in towards your spine. Try to decrease the distance between your belly button and your spine as you breathe out. And so what you should feel is your belly movement. moving out during inhalation, and your belly moving in during exhalation. And we're going to go

ahead and do that for about 15 seconds before the next step. And really try to focus on your abdomen as you breathe. Try to expand it to its fullest. Now, Dom, what I want you to do is as you breathe in and as you breathe out, try to minimize the movement of your chest. So try to keep it as localized in the abdomen as possible. feel some chest expansion or contraction, that's okay. But really try to direct all of your breath into the abdomen and minimize the chest. We'll do this for about 15 to 20 seconds. And now we move to step two. So after you fully breathe in with your belly, I want you to pause for a second and then try to expand your chest and breathe in even more while keeping your belly still.

So full breath into the belly, extra breath with the chest in sequence, and then go ahead and exhale and relax both. Good. Practice that. Full in with the belly first, the second phase of breathing is expansion of the chest, and then relaxation. We'll do this for 15 seconds. Another five seconds. And now the next step. I want you to break down the exhalation

the same way you break down the inhalation. So breathe in with the belly, expand the chest, hold the belly still, contract the chest, then breathe out the rest of the way through the belly. So now we have four discrete steps to the practice. Phase one, breathe in with the belly.

Phase two, breathe in with the chest. Phase three, relax the chest. Phase four, relax the belly. And you should feel a little bit of a stop between each phase. We're going to do this for 15 seconds. And now we're going to do phase three. Expand the belly, expand the chest, hold for a moment, and then push your shoulders up as you expand just a tiny bit more.

So belly out, chest out, shoulders up, and now exhale all together. Breathe in with the belly. Breathe in with the chest. Raise your shoulders and breathe in a tiny bit more. And then relax all three. Good. In with the belly. Expand the chest.

Raise the shoulders. And then out. Continue at your own pace for about 15 seconds. And now we're going to tie it all together. So we're going to segment our exhalation in the opposite of our inhalation. So in with the belly. expand the belly, expand the chest, raise your shoulders, really like hunch them up a little bit to get as much in as you can, and then relax the shoulders first, bring them down, contract the chest,

let it relax, and then the third phase is move your navel towards your spine. So in a third, in a third, in a third, out a third, out a third, out a third. And we're going to practice for 30 seconds. I want you to do three more rounds, three more breaths. And after the third round, I want you to just sit. Relax. Let your breath do whatever it wants to. And observe what your breath is doing after you stop. Just notice it and sit with that new kind of breath.

And now, Dom, let your eyes stay closed and let yourself come back. Right, so notice the return of your mind And now put your hands together in front of you Put your palms together in front of you Good, rub, rub, rub, rub, rub, rub, rub, rub, rub, rub, rub, rub, rub, rub, rub, rub, rub, feel that heat, that friction, good, cup them over your eyes As you breathe in and exhale slowly Open your eyes with your palms over them

And when your breath is complete, let your hands come down Yeah, that was crazy That was actually really cool what do you mean by crazy let's define well i noticed that when you said to concentrate on my breathing again like at first it was really um that was actually that was different so i feel like super more like way more awake than i did before so i feel like way more like conscious but i guess my breathing like before um the like diaphragm breathing i was focusing on diaphragm breathing but then once i stopped doing like the segmented breathing my diaphragm breathing was natural so then when I was like just

breathe however you want I went back to like diaphragm breathing um there naturally even though before I was breathing like higher up like in my chest naturally yep so yeah the breathing was definitely way different what was your mind doing just focusing on focusing on doing it correctly each step because like it was kind of hard to manage it so I'm getting actually more air in each point because like those times where I would try to breathe into my chest and then it's like okay now try to breathe more with your shoulders and I'm already like max capacity on air so trying to just do it correctly over and over what kind of thoughts were you having um I guess like very just like calm relaxed thoughts like and I was thinking I guess part of what I was thinking about

was it like made me feel like like a kid again almost in a way because the last time I did diaphragm breathing I played music and that was something that they like train you to do as a woodwind players like breathe through your diaphragm so I was just like thinking about like oh last time I did this I remember like like the joy of being a kid so I guess I just felt like joy so hold on there's a big difference between remembering the joy of being a kid and feeling joy Well, I felt like happy. Like when I stopped doing this, like I just, like I can't stop smiling right now for some reason. Yeah.

So I guess I am feeling some amount of like happiness. Yeah. So that also means that you're meditating, right? So this is what happens when people meditate. They start to feel happy. So like enlightenment or Mokshah is defined as liberation, which sort of implies freedom, but also bliss. Anand. which means bliss.

And so when people meditate, they just feel happier. And so the last question I have for you. So you can just do that to yourself every day. You can make yourself feel happy. Meditation is fucking OPE. Yeah, okay. Well, all right.

I didn't know that was a thing. Yeah, it's absolutely a thing. That's what people keep on talking about. The problem is that they do such a shitty job teaching it. That people don't, like, it's absolutely O.P. Like, there's no question. That you can just make yourself happy every day. Yeah, man. So you would recommend doing that like before I just started my day, like, right, like when you wake up, like doing that at a point?

I would not recommend that. Okay. What would you recommend then? I wouldn't recommend anything for you. You tell me. Okay. Well, I mean, I would just, like, I guess when I would wake up, I would want to just feel happy at the beginning of the day. So probably like, that would be what I would naturally think it would be the best time for it. Good. Then that's when you should do it. Remember, it's not about external formulas of success. It's about, you.

your uniqueness. Yeah. Listen to yourself. You will know when to meditate. Perfect. I'm going to do that when I wake up. Yep. So one thing I will tell you is that if you can do it around dawn or dusk,

there are lots of texts that are thousands of years old that say that your yield from meditation will be greater. Okay. Whether it works for you? I don't know. It sounds like you start streaming pretty early, so you may be up around dawn. Yeah. Yeah.

It would be like 6 to 7 a.m. Okay. Yep. Do you have a place that you can see the sign? My balcony Or I can go, yeah, my balcony So I would consider watching the sunrise Or being exposed to sunrise

And meditating in that situation If you want to go like hardcore and be like a yoga hippie You can go do that But you could also do it While streaming in front of a computer And bizarrely you don't have to do it in a very special place Like that's what's cool is you can do it wherever you are And you'd recommend I do it the same way with the segmented breathing

Yes Or like what I do it the same way where I start with just diaphragm breathing and then I do diaphragm to chest, then to shoulder, and then back down and then diaphragm to chest to shoulders, like that same technique. What do you think? Well, I mean, that's just naturally what I'll do because that's what gave me the happiness or whatever, like the response. Go for it, right?

So I think the main thing here, so the last thing I'll ask you, Dom, is what happened to your perception of time during that practice? I'm not sure. Was that a long time? I don't know what happened to my first. perception. I think I lost my perception of time. Excellent. That means you're doing it right. Right. Okay. So you weren't trying to not think. So if you lose perception of time, so time happens within the mind. Right. So like while we're asleep, we lose our perception of time. Now that we're talking, your perception of time. Does that make sense? Yeah. And so if you lose your perception of time, that means that you're entering a no mind state. And so that means that you're also not thinking thoughts. So it seems like you had thoughts from time. to time, but for most of the practice, or maybe not most, I don't know how much, but it sounds like

you definitely got to a place where the attention of your consciousness was focused on you without thoughts. So you were conscious, but you were not actually thinking things. And even then, whether you recalled, whether you had the thought of, oh, this is like being a child, but it sounds like you had the experience of joy that was similar to you being a child. But the thought of this reminds me of being a child and that experience of joy are separate things. Does that make sense? One is a thought. One is not. So I just probably linked it in my head because of like, so I have the thought and then I had the experience and I just linked it naturally, but they weren't connected. Yeah. So you had the experience and then your mind, because this is what it does,

scans based on prior experiences and makes connections. Okay. Like every time I go to the bathroom and I flush the toilet, my mind connects that little handle with the toilet. flushing. So that's what the mind does. But anyway, we're kind of getting a little bit deep. But just understand that there's actually a lot of cool stuff that happened within Dom that is not thinking. Is that? Okay. Like there wasn't, that wasn't all just thought. It's like weird experiences. So yeah. So I think you're doing it. I think the main thing is that you need something. So in order for you to get to that state, it's got to be challenging. Okay. It's like, it's kind of like saying like it's easy to not get to.

toxic when you're playing noobs and lull because you're climbing because it's like nbd so you need to be at a high degree of competition with your mind so if it and so i think you decide kind of what the cognitive you can do it whichever so eventually so what i assume is going to happen is over time like i'll be more practiced at that type of breathing method and it'll become like easier for me which will make it like yeah that i'm going to need new challenges so how what do i do from there if that happens. So that's why advanced meditation techniques exist. Right?

So there's beginner meditation. There's advanced meditation. There's expert meditation. So my path of learning meditation, I learned a bunch of techniques for about three months when I was living in India at an ashram, came back to the U.S., practiced those techniques for a year, went back, and then went to the advanced class,

which are more engaging, more cognitively, like more focusing deeper techniques. And then eventually you'll start to have, you know, different kinds of experiences within meditation that are kind of cool and fun. Wow. This is open up my, like I didn't even know this stuff was possible. Like I thought it was like a myth.

I thought it was some like hippie stuff or something, you know? Yeah, I'm with you. That's because that's how it's fucking taught most of the time. So the problem with meditation is that we, to become a meditation teacher, you have to have a class, right? Because that's how we determine someone's an expert. It's fucking dumb.

Someone has a complete sense. the clash, do they go through the motions, they become a meditation teacher? No. Like, meditation teacher is about experience and like the competence that comes from it. And then if you're a good meditation teacher, you should be able to take someone and teach them how to meditate properly. Right? Like that's, but good. I'm very happy for you. Yeah. Whatever I did before, I don't think that was meditation. Yep. So I guess I haven't tried meditation until this. You haven't. So this is where there are a couple of different words for meditation. So meditation is two things. One is a verb. It's a practice that you do. The other thing is it's a state of mind.

I think you have tried meditation. I think you have not achieved the meditative state of mind until today. Okay. Thoughts or questions before you wrap up? No, I just didn't know that that was a thing. Like, you really just didn't know it was a thing. Yeah. I thought that I thought that I understood why it was good and like I understood the reasoning behind it, But I just didn't think it was like that. Like, I didn't think that you actually like...

So I'll let you in on a little secret. Everyone who talks about the benefits of meditation is missing the fucking point. What you felt is the fucking point. It's not about reductions of anxiety. It's not about improvements in depression. This is why people meditate. Understand this very clearly. Buddha was not trying to treat people's anxiety, which is what we do now, right?

We use, like, oh, you should use headspace. You've got panic attacks. Like, oh, use headspace. That's not why Buddha was doing it. Buddha was doing it for what you experience today. That's the reason you meditate. Perfect. Absolutely, man. Good. I'm so happy for you. I'm very, very happy for you. That's really cool. All right. Well, I appreciate that. Thank you.

Of course, man. I think that's definitely going to change things going forward. Okay. Well, good for you. Well, go ahead. No, I was just going to say, you know, if you run into any trouble or anything like that, feel free to drop me a line or something. You know, I'm happy to continue to help you or guide you, okay. Awesome. Okay. I appreciate that a lot. Any thoughts or questions before you wrap up? No, I'm good. Okay. Awesome. And thank you so much for coming on and thank you so much for sharing

everything that you did because I certainly learned a lot and hopefully it was helpful to other people too. Yeah, I feel the same. Good luck, man. Take care. All right. Thanks. All righty. Okay. So we're about at time for today. And so I want to, Yeah, so he's a pitta. Absolutely, right? So we just get a lot of vatas. Well, what happens is like electronics worse than vata. So we see a lot more vata disturbance than pita disturbance in gaming.

But I absolutely think that toxicity is an example of pita disturbance. But yeah, so that was, I don't know. I mean, how was, like, I know that we didn't like, you know, we didn't start breaking down and crying and stuff, which I know is how some people gauge the vet. value of a session. I definitely don't think of it that way. And yeah, so I want to thank you guys. Hopefully that was helpful for you all. I really think that, so I think Dom has a very, very good experiential or intuitive understanding of a lot of the things that I think hold our audience or

gamers or Gen Z back, millennials, which is sort of like, you know, he's orienting towards himself, like he's understanding that activities are not good or bad, that like if you don't like school, it's not necessarily school's fault, that you have an individual contribution to the way that you live your life and how activities are experienced, right? So like a great example, like he said, was from Jay Cole and taking out the trash, that you can change something in your mind that makes you enjoy things more. And that is 100% been much. my experience. So like what I found is that, you know, I used to dislike life and that you can actually do some kind of process of reflection and observation. And that through reflection,

observation, and understanding, activities that you used to dislike are more able to be done. Not necessarily saying that I like doing them, but that I'm able to do them. And then so that gets to the question of how do you understand? Because watching someone else tell you that conclusion, it doesn't make it easy for you to take out the trash. So I think another kind of meditative practice that y'all can think about is just take out the trash, right? And when you take out the trash or clean something and notice yourself before, take a snapshot of yourself before, notice that you don't feel like doing it, do the thing, and then take a snapshot after. How do you feel afterward.

So study yourself in the way that you read guides to like climb, you know, rank and League of Legends or in the way that you like, you know, read about this and study other things in the way that you guys keep up with coronavirus and understand what's going on. Understand yourself and try to be a little bit more unique instead of like, you know, just following an external road to success. because following the external road to success fucking doesn't work. And so stop doing it. Like look within yourself.

Everyone is a snowflake, right? That's actually the whole point. Like, I have a video mapped out about this that I want to do. But you guys, you are snowflakes and you should treat yourself as a snowflake because you are a snowflake. No one with your set of experiences and your set of advantages and your set of disadvantages has ever existed in the history of the universe and never will again. So you are unique and you better start playing the game of life that way. You better stop playing based on like what other characters with other stats do

and understand like what you are and how you are unique. And what we can hear from Dom very clearly is that when he stopped gravitating towards objective success and started gravitating towards being unique, he became more fulfilled and more successful. And I did the same exact thing.