HealthyGamerGG - Kruti Stream V Day

Episode Date: March 1, 2022

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It may seem a little bit weird to do that if you're like in a conversation with some one. Please don't do that. Do that like as you're walking through the door. It's not going to help you. And then kind of just notice where, yeah, maybe don't do that. Okay. So my boyfriend called a Twitch streamer his queen. Hold on a second.

I moved the overlay. Oh no. There. Fixed. Thanks, Ryan. Let me lock these. Okay. All right.

So my boyfriend called a Twitch streamer his queen. I don't know what to do. He says he thought it was funny. I don't think it's funny at all. So what should you do when your boyfriend calls a Twitch streamer his queen? I call you my queen all the time. Oh, well, that's delightful. Something tells me that said boyfriend is not dating that Twitch streamer.

What do you think? I mean, I think context matters a lot. If I was... This is hilarious. Set up a Twitch, start streaming, see how he likes it when girls start simping over you. Yeah. I mean, yeah, it really... The context really matters.

It would really disturb me if you started calling other streamers, your queen. Mainly because you don't talk like that. Are there any particular streamers that it would disturb you more if I started calling them my queen? Yes. Like who? I mean, I have nothing again, but like I really enjoy the relationships we have in the creator community.

But if you were to like start calling hot tub streamers, your queen, I don't. Specifically female hot tub streamers or male hot tub streamers? I would actually expect you to call male hot tub streamers or queen. That sounds like something you would do. Asphand. Yeah. Yeah, but practically, I mean, what do you think this person should do? I mean, so boyfriend is calling a Twitch streamer his queen?

I mean, I think if she's worried about like parisocial stuff or if she thinks that, you know, he's like overly attached to one particular streamer, I think they should talk about it. Because, I mean, even if it is funny and that's like a culture that she doesn't understand, I think, it's a good way to bridge that kind of divide. And if there's actually a problem there, it's probably good to figure it out early. Yeah, I mean, I think, so this is where, you know, frankly, Gruthie and I are a little bit dated when it comes to this stuff. Like, I don't know exactly what it means if someone calls a Twitch stream or their queen. Like, you know, so I think this is the kind of thing where it seems like these kinds of things are evolving, right? Like

societally. So this is where I think, all are going to get this theme a lot today, hopefully, which is, I think communication is really important. Yeah. So oftentimes, you know, when one person says something, they mean one thing, and then, like, the other person kind of interprets it a different way. And that's just because we all, you know, have our own set of experiences, background context that allows us to interpret things. And so I was just, you know, if you're concerned about it, like, share that concern with him. So because this could be, it could be like a meme, right? Like, we just don't know.

Like, whether it's like a parasycial relationship, whether your boyfriend is meming. Like, what does it actually mean? And I think especially as like relationships are evolving, as terminology is evolving, it's really important to try to get on the same page with your partner about like, what does this stuff mean? You know, how do you perceive this person?

You know, do you have some kind of feeling? Like, I don't know. Just have a conversation about it. I think that the thing that worries me a little bit about this is like, I don't think it's funny at all. And I think you have to have a sense of humor about stuff like this. I don't think you can come in like attacky or that there's like only one right way about it. Well, I mean, I'd kind of.

Attack. No, I mean, I'd kind of disagree there because I think that it is okay to actually, like if you don't think something is funny, right? Like, that's okay. Like let's say I'm dating someone and, you know, they make a comment that is. Yeah, but don't you think that's going to put him on the defense if you just come in hot and say, like, I don't think that's funny at all. Yeah, I mean, I think it could put them on the defensive, but that's also where, like, I think that avoiding putting your partner on the defensive

is not necessarily the standard of communication. Ideally, you don't want to, but like if they do something or say something that's out of line and you want to hold them accountable, like sometimes, you know, because I think sometimes in communication we try overly hard to not hurt someone's feelings. Like, so I'll see posts, right? people will say like, how do I break up with someone without hurting their feelings? And it's like, you can't. I don't think that's what this is, though.

I mean, so I think the key thing here is that if one person thinks it's funny and the other person doesn't think it's funny, like, y'all should talk about it, right? What's humorous about it and what isn't? Help me understand the joke, right? So I think this is the other thing where if you're in a situation where someone says something that you don't think is funny and they say it's a joke, you can ask them to explain it to you. right and like this is where oftentimes if people say things that are out of line explaining the joke will definitely not be funny yeah it will be funny but this is where if there are like subsurface toxic attitudes i think asking people to articulate why they think it's funny is is a good way to yeah you know point out point that out to them but anyway so it sounds like i think this person should

have a conversation at the end of the day like what does the term mean what do you think is funny what do you think about that i think um i think um i agree. I would just say try to avoid, like try to bridge it. Don't put him on the defense about it. I think you're going to get a more genuine answer and more insight that way. Cool. Cool. Next. Okay. I'm going to go close the door real quick. Why don't you eat this one? Love? Oh, nice. Okay. My female 29-year-old boyfriend 35 doesn't believe in marriage and is causing me to try to lie to myself and convince myself marriage is bullshit. it anyway. Basically the title. Always pictured myself getting married and it's always something I wanted in life. I'm not really sure why, perhaps feeling like someone loves me enough to make me

their wife or maybe the big celebration of a wedding. Anyway, my current partner who I'm very in love with does not want to get married. Not to me, not to anyone. I'm actually his first girlfriend and we started dating about two years ago so he has been wary of romantic relationships his whole life. It was a major personal step for him to enter a relationship with another person. Unfortunately, I wasn't aware how he felt about marriage until a year in the relationship. I remember him stating marriage is something he would do while we were in the talking phase, but he claims he doesn't remember saying this and doesn't know why he would say it. We almost broke up because of these differences, but decided we still want to be with each other.

I love him and want to be with him, and it feels silly to leave this relationship to find someone new, just so I can experience being married. I'm financially independent, and I don't. need marriage. And I'm not religious either, but I feel like this is going to be hard to let go of. I also feel weird changing my beliefs for someone, but then I ask myself, why does it matter so much that we marry if we love each other? I just can't tell if marriage really doesn't matter or mean anything or if I'm trying to lie to myself to avoid the pain of a breakup. Side note, there's no trust issues at play here on my end at least.

I saw an interesting someone in chat was kind of mentioning so it seems like this person had found their first girlfriend at the age of 33 yeah 33 right and so don't give up hope chat everyone moves at their own pace right

yep so what do you think about this situation um you know if this person was my friend I'd be pretty concerned for her because I think it does, I think there are issues here. I think there is stuff that he is

afraid of. It sounds like they have come to some sort of harmony around what being together means, but I don't know what being married means to him and why being married is like mutually exclusive with being together. Something about that doesn't sit. with me. What doesn't sit well with you? Well, because, you know, they're not like 21, 23 where like, you know, her boyfriend is 35. I think he probably has friends that have been married. Like, I don't think this is like a naive kind of decision. I'm never going to get married. I think this is like a real stance. Yeah. So I'm, I'm kind of hearing that. based on their ages, you're sort of thinking like, so early on, like, if I'm 23 and I don't want to get married, like, I still have stuff to sort out, right? Like, internal.

Yeah, and you can kind of change your mind about that. Yeah. So people are still, like, exploring stuff isn't really set in stone. But by the time you get to, like, 35, like, you should sort of have it figured out, kind of. Well, this, this seems like a strong belief about his life that isn't going to change. Yeah, I think this once again is where it seems like marriage means different stuff to the two people. Right. And so I think like any conversation about getting married is, you know, you have to talk about what it means to each of you to get married. What did it mean for you? Well, let me just think about that. I don't know.

I don't know that it meant. it just felt right. It felt like what our relationship was like the direction that it was going. Like you know when you have like a puzzle piece, we've got like a puzzle and there's just one piece left and then like you stick it in and it's like, it's like complete and it's done and it's finished. And it's like, oh yeah, like that's like that's what is supposed to happen.

There's like there was like this sense that that's just what's supposed to happen. You know, like that's just what we're supposed to do is we're supposed to get married. And not like supposed to in some, it just felt right to get married. I mean, I think we talked about that, right? Because we were dating for years before we got married. And it's like, okay, like now it's time. It feels like it's time. And I don't know that we ever, yeah, I don't know.

It just felt right. Yeah, I mean, we never had that conversation around like what marriage means to you. No, but I mean, I think we are just winging it. We talked about it, right? So we talked about, so there's, so Kruthi and I were both raised in the Hindu tradition. and there's this, there's this, like, ritual that you go through, which sort of binds you together for seven lifetimes. Yep.

And so when you get married, you, like, walk around the fire a certain number of times and, you know, pyrotechnics, because nothing makes a wedding like pyrotechnics. Nothing. And so we, you know, so I sometimes wonder about things like that. Like, so I don't know if, you know, we're being shackled together for seven years. And I also wonder about the escalation, right? So if you get married in this year, in this lifetime, And you're supposed to be, that binds you together for seven lifetimes.

But then like what happens if you get married on second lifetime? Right. Now it's like you're plus seven plus seven. Yeah. Like are you stacking them up. We are. And so, you know, I suppose that's very romantic that we've, but you know, I don't know. Was this the last one?

Have we renewed our contract? Like, have we renewed the lease for seven more years? We have. Or are we just re-renewing and stacking on? I don't know. Who knows? It's unclear. But it just felt right.

Yeah. I mean, I certainly wasn't going to marry anyone else. Damn straight. Anyway, kind of going back to this. I mean, I think that this is where like, so, so Kruthi is kind of saying, you know, if this person was 23, it would be a little bit different. Whereas, like, I, you know, I'd encourage you to almost think about this person as being early in the phase of relationship experience, right?

Yeah. So this person, the woman in the relationship was saying, like, you're his first girlfriend. So, like, you know, he may not be ready for marriage, even. even though the person started dating at 33, and you should sort of have your life figured out, maybe theoretically by 35, I think I'm still figuring it out. This is the kind of thing where, like, you know, so your boyfriend may have not thought about it too much, right?

So I think a conversation about what marriage means to you, what it means to him, why it's important to you, why he's so against it. And this is also where, like, compromise is also important. Like, there are things in a relationship that even if you don't want something a particular way and they wanted a certain way or like vice versa, right? Sometimes I think it's okay to make, or it's important to make sacrifices for the sake of your relationship. I think nowadays I see an increasing trend on the internet, which is like you're allowed to want whatever

you want, which I totally agree with. But then also like if people are not willing to accept you for who you are, then, you know, like you should sort of, people should just accept you at face value and like not ask you to change at all. But I think in terms of, you know, relationships, especially long-term relationships, change and compromise is a big part of it, right? Because a year later, you're not going to be the same person. You're going to be a different person. That's what I'd say. Have a conversation about it and figure out what about marriage is your boyfriend reluctant about. What's his hesitation? What does it mean to him? Why doesn't he want to do it? And similarly, share your perspective about why it's important to you. Even if it, you know, we're sort of hearing

that financial reasons don't really matter. It's not like really a religious thing. It's just you're allowed to grow up in a particular environment and just want to be married, right? Like you're allowed to want that and have it be a valuable part of your life in one of your goals. It's totally fine. Yeah. But I feel like the most practical thing they can do is define what it means to be together, define what it means to be married and try to look for discrepancy. So like you should do it, your boyfriend should do it,

and y'all should like exchange and talk about it. That might be the most, like, or I don't know about the most, but I feel like that would be a good exercise to go through to like get an actual, like a non-defensive conversation going. Okay. Next up. Should I wish her a happy Valentine's Day? I started seeing this girl recently. We're not dating, but we went on a date last week

and are going on our second this week. We text just about every day. Would it be a little much to wish her a happy Valentine's Day? I mean, it's not like Christmas or Easter. I just don't go around wishing everyone a happy Valentine's Day. But I also want to reinforce that I'm not looking for a friendship with her. Not sure. Any advice?

This is so cute. What do you think? So the scenario is you've been on one date. You're not like technically dating. and it sounds like you've got a second date this week. You text every day. Wish your happy Valentine's Day, yay, nay. I think so.

Just, I mean, yeah. Help me understand your reasoning. I mean, he wants to. It sounds like he wants to. If he didn't want to, then he wouldn't be writing this post, I think. But if he wants to, I think generally, when it comes to communication, letting your guard down a little bit is a good thing. So I don't know if it should be Happy Valentine's Day and that's it.

I think maybe some personality around it would be nice, but... Like what? I don't know. Let me think for a second. Yeah. What do you think you should do? So I was actually thinking that you should just text Happy Valentine's Day, right? Because here you are thinking about like, oh my God, what does it mean if I send it or if I

don't send it, like, is it going to be coming on too strong or coming on too, I would say, just send happy valet. If you feel like wishing you're a happy Valentine's Day, you can say, hey, happy Valentine's day, hope you're. Okay, but you are colossally bad at texting. You are like, you are such a bad texter. Hold on. Hold on.

I'm not done yet. I think you may discover why. Why you're such a bad texter? Because then here's the thing, right? So here you are, in your head, anxious about should I send it or not send it. Getting my money is worth a stream. And this is where once you send it, then the ball's in her court, right? And then she has to figure out, what does it mean?

Is it too much? Am I too into it? Is he too into me? Like, is this too much? Is this too little? How should I respond? Right? So just get it out of your head.

And if you want to say happy Valentine's Day. And if you want to, you can even add a little bit, hey, I know we've only been on one date, but Valentine's Day is here. And I hope you're having a good day. Happy Valentine's Day. You can also acknowledge that y'all have only been on one date if you really want to. Or you could be a little bit ambiguous and maybe this is why I'm a bad text. and then let her sort of sort out what it means, right?

Are you coming on too strong? Y'all with me? These are Allo's text. Where are you? Get me, Chai? Okay. Can you come here? Done.

Like, you were a bad texter. Well, these are texts that I'm sending you when we're like in the same house. And I'm texting you from a different room. Right? So done is like when our kids are asleep, I'm letting you know that it is safe to come into the best. lest you wake them up. Okay.

I think you should text Happy Valentine's Day with like a couple of emojis or something. I don't know. Just, I don't know. But I think you should go for it. I don't think you should not text her.

I'm doing it now. You're texting me? Happy Valentine's Day. Panhand the emojis. Ooh, nice. Love you with emojis. I don't think I've ever gotten an emoji. Done.

Texting leveled up, chat. Right. Now I'm going to text you back. Done. Okay. See, I, how is that? Was that a better text? Learning.

Communication chat. Learning. Learning. Learning. Right? You got to level up. There were double heart emojis. Actually, it's easier.

I think I may just use the Google suggested emojis. There you go. It's great. Let autocrect finish your text. Yeah, but at the end of the day, I mean, I'm a big fan of, you know, being authentic with people. Like, you want to respect their boundaries, right? So, like, once you're authentic, if they express to you some concern, don't, like,

keep hammering them. Yeah. Right? So, like, if you text a happy Valentine's Day and they don't respond, don't be like, aren't you going to text me back? Like, what? So I think it's okay to acknowledge a little bit, right? Where you can say, hey, I know we've been on one date.

now we're in the awkward position of like, do we text each other? Happy Valentine's Day. Well, I just hope you're having a good day. Happy Valentine's Day. You're frowning. Is this a mistake? No, I agree that you should not badger her for not responding. I'm realizing that I badger you for responding. Okay, then. Well, I think a little bit of badgering is okay. Okay. Okay. Badgering is fun. Badgering is fun. Yeah. I mean, I think that's just like, you know, I don't need a whole lot of of emotional support through text and maybe you do, which is totally fine. I don't think that's what's happening. Okay.

Whatever. Banned. G. All right. Maybe we should keep track of Dr. K's performance here today. You guys think I'm in the hole or out of the hole? Like, let's say here's the hole. Like, are we in or out?

No. Can you please rephrase this? I'm not like digging yourself a whole. No, yeah, uh-huh. Okay. No. I know. I know. Okay, so we just dug ourselves into the whole little bit more. Y'all let me know.

Okay, let's just, let's go on. Don't clip it, chat. Just move on. Next question. Next question. Go. Is it normal to develop a crush on almost every single girl you talk to? I legitimately start to develop a crush on every single girl that I talked to

because I was homeschooled for my entire life until college. is this normal? Oh, we were thinking about homeschooling, and now I'm swayed. What do you think? I mean, normal is, I think, you know, your life experience is not typical, right? Most people are not homeschooled, so I think you should forget about whether or not it's normal and more like if it's debilitating for him to be able to approach. a girl or to like have normal relationships um yeah because I mean he I think you can safely say

he's not normal in that kind of sense because he was homeschooled like his social skills are going to be a little atypical okay that sounds kind of brutal I mean I think I just hate the word normal you want me to take a stab at it yeah you can I just don't like the word normal, I guess, is what I'm trying to say. So here's, okay, here's my take on this, okay? So if you're 19 years old, you're homeschooled, you go to college and you haven't really, like, interacted with a whole lot of people that you're sexually attracted to, whether it's men, women, whatever.

I think, oddly enough, it is actually completely normal to have this kind of reaction. And the good news is that I would guess that it won't continue forever. So you're not like doomed to being attracted or crushing on every single. girl that you meet for the rest of your life. So let's just think about like what's going on here. Okay. So normally we tend to go through puberty around like we start puberty around 1213. And so puberty is like a process, right? So there's like a large hormonal change. There are all kinds of like physiological changes, psychological changes, neuroscience changes that go on in puberty. And generally speaking, let's just talk about hormones, right? So this isn't

scientifically going to be technically correct. Not medical advice, by the way. Yeah, but just like, let's just think about, so like we have hormonal fluctuations throughout puberty, right? So we're not, you know, the process of being a raging hormonal teenager doesn't happen overnight. And generally speaking, we have all these kinds of interesting parts of our brain that develop. Like so we become sexually like more attracted to things, people. You know, we become more lustful, right? There's like boosts to testosterone and progesterone, estrogen, all these kinds of hormones. And so that's a gradual process.

So if you think a little bit about like what high school is like for the average teenager, maybe famous last words here, but you're not like constantly horny. But there's like your body's like growing, right? So your body's developing and adapting. And that development and adaptation is happening with like regular interaction with people that you're sexually attracted to. So your body is sort of figuring out, okay, now we're becoming like more sexually mature. becoming more, and as a result, we're like starting to develop feelings for people.

So even if you think about the concept of a crush, like what is a crush, right? It's like a strangely physiologic, non-psychological, like nuanced thing, right? You meet someone and then you start crushing on them. And it's like your body is like thinking about them all the time. And then like, you don't really know what's going on, right? So I think it's kind of in a sense, even normal because throughout teenage years, if we're exposed to people that we're attracted to, we learn how to like moderate those feelings. We learn how to kind of calm down. Our body also kind of figures out, oh, hey, like, okay, we're doing this thing again. And then your crush kind of disappears after a little while, right? Because it's like, it's sort of a very hormonal, physiologic sort of

thing. And so if you've missed that window of, let's say, 13 to 19, of like crushing on people gradually, right? So you get your first crush when you're 13, you're like, what the hell is going on? and then like it kind of goes away as your hormones are adapting and changing then you get your next crush when you're 14 you're like what the hell is going on and by the time you get to like 15 16 remember your your sexual maturation is continuing to increase right so like the psychological ability to deal with crushes is sort of growing as your sexual maturity is increasing if you've been homeschooled suddenly you're a fully developed sexually mature 19 year old and then you're getting exposed to like like crushing stimuli for the first time. And as you get exposed to that stuff, your body just hasn't learned how to handle it yet. So I think it's not actually that unusual. Like,

I wouldn't be surprised that this person is in this situation. I also would not be worried about it. So you can always seek professional help if you want to and you're worried, right? That's always a good idea. But at the end of the day, I think it sort of makes sense that if you think about the process of sexual maturation

and kind of like interaction with people that you're attracted to, that creates a lot of like slowly building crushes that you kind of manage and stuff. And this is what's going on now is that you've been sort of homeschooled for, you know, six years, seven years during that process. And now you're sort of getting like your mind, your physiology is getting exposed to these kinds of stimuli. So it can be really overwhelming.

So I would say don't worry too much about it. I'm just mentally trying to police my usage of the word exposed during this entire thing. but, you know, I think it's like it can be normal because normally that process is stretched out over like six years, let's say. And so if that process, that six year process is being compressed to one year, it's going to feel particularly overwhelming. And over time, I think you'll learn because that's what the body does. Like the body catches up, right? Yep. I think this person is going to be just fine and it'll kind of pass.

but the good thing is that it's like every single girl and it's not an obsessive thing for like a few girls so friendly little crushes are fine okay next up should I ask for my ring back my girlfriend recently dumped me completely out of the blue to be with somebody else and told me that was the reason why wait recently dumped me completely out of when to be with someone else something that was okay okay so the person got dumped because girlfriend. She wore the expensive ring I bought her for Christmas that she had been wanting to break the news to me. She had been talking to this person behind my back while we dated and set it up so she could leave me to go be with them. Am I an asshole if I ask for the ring back? I'm in a

financially tight situation. I don't even know why she would want to keep it if I was that meaningless to her. What do you think? I mean it's not an engagement ring. I, I think if he wants it back, he can ask for it back. I wouldn't get vicious if she says no. But I bought her for Christmas. So he just bought it for her a couple months ago. And she's wearing it to break up. I don't know.

I guess I don't like this girl. So if he wants his ring back, that's fine. Yeah. So, I mean, I'm inclined to agree. So I think like if you got a piece of jewelry, especially during a part where the relationship was not like emotionally honest, for lack of a better term. Right. Right. So you sort of, there was something going on with your partner that was you were not aware of where she wasn't emotionally invested in the relationship.

And so the gift was given under the premise of being in an emotionally invested relationship. So I think it's completely reasonable to ask for it back and say like, hey, you know, I'd really appreciate it. The language I would use is, hey, you know, in light of, like, what you've told me about, like, you've been talking to this person for a while and maybe have been, like, emotionally kind of, like, leaving this relationship for some time. I think it's, I'd really like my ring back. And in light of what you've told me recently, like, I don't really think if I had known,

if you had been honest with me, I would have ever given it to you if I knew how you felt, which I'm totally, you know, it's fine that you felt that way. I just wish I would have known. And I kind of feel like that gift was given under inappropriate pretenses. The other thing to remember is that I think it's okay to ask for it back, by all means, but also respect her boundary, right? Because at the end of day, like, it's a gift. So it's hers now.

And even if it was, you didn't really understand what was going on, like, that's the kind of thing where, like, you know, if she decides to keep it, she decides to keep it. If you get it back, please God just return it. Don't dwell on it. why like I don't know I don't feel like sometimes people get their things back from a relationship and then they like have the box of the relationship and then they dwell on the relationship and I wouldn't want it to become an object of dwelling I guess by the way

andy's in chat Andy um Melanakis hey Andy hope you're doing well man we'll find out maybe we should ask Andy what he thinks about yeah what do you think Andy ring or no ring um other things, I'd be super curious what Andy thinks about tether and things like that, right? Because he's a crypto, Chad. But who here on Twitch talks about crypto? Are they like crypto experts? Stock guy? Yeah, I think a couple of people talk about crypto.

But Andy's saying he talks about NFTs more than crypto. Andy talks about NFTs or stock guy? I don't know about stock guy, but Andy's saying he's an NFT person. Okay. Wow. Yeah. Something I understand even less than crypto. I asked our accounting people what to do about crypto and they're like really scared about it because you can have, there was a post on our subreddit for somebody who wanted to donate in Ethereum.

And the problem with that is it can be an asset that like appreciates. wildly and then you're liable for taxes on that asset. And then if it tanks, then, anyway, it's a whole complicated thing. Okay. Yeah, I'm his wife. All right. Should we keep going? Yeah. So ask for the ring back, right? Chat, do you all agree? Ask for the ring? Ask, don't push. Return it if you get it. I'll return. But it sounds, it sounds wise. I mean, he's asking for it back because he's in a financially tough situation. What is it going to do with a ring? Give it to somebody else. Give it to someone who, fucking deserves it.

Like you? No. You know what I'm saying? Like if the ring was bought as a symbol of love and affection, give, you know, honor the purpose of the ring.

But I'm with you. I'm not saying that. If you were to ever recycle jewelry on me, I don't, I don't know what I would do with that. If I were to ever. Okay. Stop.

Stop. We've been together too long. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay. we do a shorter one? No, no, I'll read this one.

Okay. This one, this sounds looks good, dude. Okay. Girl I was talking to sent me this. Help me decode this message. This is great. Yeah. It's a sleuthing.

Yeah, I'll sleuth. So I've been talking to this girl from Tinder for about two weeks now. We've hung out a good portion of the two weeks. Like gone drinking, playing pool, movies cuddle at her place. She even went to Disneyland this past weekend and got me a hat from there out of the blue. Yesterday we were supposed to go go-karting for Valentine's and dinner right after. She sends me this message about six hours before we're supposed to go on our date from her. Hey, sorry I haven't been super talkative this last day and today.

I just took my me day and have been thinking about what I want and everything. And I don't think I'm ready for a committed relationship. I still have a lot of stuff to work through, obviously, and don't want to drag someone through that. All in all, I just really don't want to hurt you by leading you on or you thinking I'm using you, etc. Anyways, here's me over communicating again. I just want you to know because I respect you. and don't want my intentions to be unclear.

That being said, when I said yes to being your Valentine, I meant it so if you still want to go out as friends, we definitely can. But I'd completely understand if you weren't comfortable with it. I care about your feelings, so I just want you to be comfortable. I also want to make it very clear that it isn't you. I cut off all dating with everyone, so please don't internalize it and think, and think I think I think lowly of you or anything like that. So we've been very open about our shortcomings, and the most we've ever done is just

kiss, not even make out. I'm just now recently getting in the dating scene and I just want to know if this text message is actually, I screwed up the situation or not. What do you think, Kruthi? I think she should have just said happy Valentine's Day, ironically. I'm kidding. I don't know. I feel like this is not a well-edited text. But also, yeah, this is not, this is not like... My texts are very well edited. Edit it down to one word. So edited.

I think, so his question is really... Sorry, this thing is like in my face. I can't see. I knew this was going to be a problem. From the beginning. You stepped into that one. I knew this was... In the hole, let's just say.

And I just want to know if this text message is actually a fucked-up situation or not. Yeah, I think I think it's a bit of a messy situation. That's my short answer. I mean, you're supposed to help the dude decode the message. Okay, let's decode it. She's not ready for a relationship. I think she probably overthinks. She's like an overthinking thing. I think she's trying to be really clear that like, you know, it's me, not you. What is she saying, though? I don't know. Okay, here's what I think she's saying. I think she's saying. I think saying that she doesn't want the relationship there you go she doesn't I mean she she wants to be friends but she doesn't want to be his valentine so she'll hang out with him

no she says she is his valentine but I think that's like kind of like a consolation prize no no I mean I think it's sort of like you know when you're in school and you're like in the third grade and you like pass out valentines it's like will you be my valentine like I think this is where there's confusion over what it means to be a valentine and once again Valentine's Day you've been going on dates for what it sounds like two weeks, right? And so uplooms Valentine's Day, which suddenly adds an artificial amount of seriousness to a relationship. Yeah. It's like the three stages of relationship are dating.

Valentine's Day. Valentine. Will you be my Valentine? Engaged in marriage, right? So I think what I would really interpret from this is that. this girl enjoys your company, but she sees this relationship as platonic. And that's where, like, it can be painful,

but on the one hand, like, I think it's really actually mature of her to send this, right? So she's not, she wants to make it clear that while y'all are kind of like having fun, and I'm also getting lots of mixed signals here, because there is cuddles and y'all are kissing and she's getting you gifts and stuff. So I think this is the kind of thing where there's mixed signals.

So it's kind of ambiguous. And so what she's doing is she's now drawing a firm line. And she says, hey, this is like where my line is. Like, I'm not interested in a relationship. I'm not looking for, I'm not looking to date. I said yes to being your Valentine. I thought that that meant something romantic. But it also seems like she's saying, I don't want intentions to be unclear.

If you want to go out tonight as friends, we definitely can. I care about your feelings, which I agree with. It does sound like she cares about his feelings, right? So she's sort of saying, hey, I wasn't sure. exactly how I felt, but that's the other thing to remember, right? Is like when you start talking to someone, they may not have everything internally figured out. Like, we're not like, you know, 100% mapped about what we want.

I see a lot of questions in chat, like, well, then why did she kiss him? I feel like she is, um, she's trying to give consolation prizes. Like, I'll kiss you. I'm not going to make out with you. I'll go be your Valentine as a friend, but I'm not. going to have a relationship with you. And she's trying to say that she doesn't want to lead him on. And I think she is, she's not doing a great job of that. But I can totally empathize with this, like not wanting to hurt his feelings. So do maybe a little bit more than she wants to out of a sense of preserving his feelings, but that's just making it worse. Yeah. I mean, I think this is the

kind of thing where like people are asking why did she kiss him? Well, I think like I was saying, because people aren't monolithic, right? So if you think about- I think she also gets. to kiss him and then make up her mind that, oh, didn't like that. I don't want to do that again. Sure, right? That's why we progress. It kind of reminds me. So when I was explaining to my mom many years ago that Gruthy and I were dating. Yeah, yeah. You've heard of this story. Don't be shocked. It's okay. All right. And so she was like, dating, like, what does that mean? Does that mean you're going to get married? And I was like, no, not necessarily. I mean, we may. She's like, I'm confused. Like, what's the point of dating if you're not going to get married?

And so like, you know, remember that in a relationship, just because you take one step forward doesn't mean that you're, you know, going the whole marathon, right? And like people are allowed to sort of figure things out, change their mind, stuff like that. I do think also remember that if you're, let's say I say, oh, I want to like start eating healthier. And then it's like, I'm going to have a salad for lunch and then like pizza for dinner. And people are like, well, why did you have the salad or why did you have the pizza if you were going to eat healthier? And like you're sending like me mixed signals about are you getting healthy or you're not getting healthy. It's because we're not. It's because we're not. We're not. It's because we're not. not monolithic, right? So she may have wanted to try it. She may have, she may have mixed feelings. And if we kind of think about it, like if we actually pay attention to what she said, you know, I cut off all dating with everyone. So she may still have some degree of romantic feelings, but internally has realized that like she needs to work on herself first before she is ready for a relationship, which I think is actually a pretty mature perspective. Now for people sort of saying, you know, is she leading him on? Like, there may have been some degree of that over the course of the last two weeks, right? Because there are mixed signals. But I think actually this, this text is actually

very clearly saying, like, I'm not trying to lead you on. I'm not interested in a relationship. Here's my line. And then you can sort of decide whether you want to engage with that or not. Last thing that I'd say is that, you know, if you're into someone, if you have romantic feelings for someone and they send you a message like this, I'd be really, really careful about continuing to engage with the person because it's hard to move from romance to like friendship. Not saying it's impossible. I suppose a lot of people do it. But then like what sort of happens is you kind of like if you have romantic intentions in the relationship and she has platonic intentions in the relationship, like I think that's going to end up probably bad.

But there are, you know, I've heard stories of, you know, people who sort of don't give up and they realize that they're in love and like any rom-com. You know, where things start out platonic and then you realize, or episode of South Park, which I was watching recently, which was hilarious. Hmm? Because of an episode of South Park. Okay. I didn't know you still watched South Park. I recently started again.

Okay. So I'd say, you know, if you have romantic feelings towards this person, I'd kind of consider- We had people over for the Super Bowl and then you went off and watched South Park? No, no, I didn't watch South Park yesterday. Okay. I watched the Dota. I was like, oh, that's where you went. Dude, I don't know about y'all.

So can, like, I cannot, can y'all watch? After watching e-sports, I can't watch, like, real sports anymore. Like, the Super Bowl, the Super Bowl is literally 60 minutes of actual competition, right? It's four quarters at 15 minutes apiece. And the thing lasts for four hours. There's, like, so many damn commercials, so many damn pauses, like, I just can't do it anymore. like I it blows it kind of feels like you know back when we before we had like on demand streaming services yeah yeah and like now if you go back and you watch like tv it's atrocious

am i the only one no you're not okay because i like football i think it's fun like going to a game i think is a little bit different because there's a bunch of like social interaction stuff like that going right and you can just watch dota at the game yeah i haven't gone that far but boy that sounds fantastic. Totally what you would do. All right. Right. Okay.

Decoded. Decoded. Moving on. People are asking if I'm drinking from a pitcher. I am drinking from a pitcher. I'm out of cups. Oh. You are.

It's just water, though. It's not like... I thought you meant like metaphorically. Okay. Kind of terrified of making a move. Hey guys. So straight to the... You want to read this one?

Sure. Hey guys. So straight to the point. I am an almost 29 year old man who has never dated anyone nor been in a relationship. Reasons include never having had mutual attraction with anyone, always been one-sided, either on my part or the other person's part, me being unattractive. It's an attractive, very short dude, which essentially means unattractive. Oh, I don't agree with that. And having been single for so long that I honestly can't even see myself in a relationship. I don't know what it is like being in a relationship so the thought of being in one is very foreign and a bit scary, T.B.H. We fear the unknown. This is how

I explain it to myself. So now for the situation, I met someone at work, known her for only a single day, who comes across as a genuinely nice person who is also very attractive. I would normally not even hesitate to write her off because she is too attractive and I am inadequate, but I've been regretting not possibly having made a move so many times now that I'm willing to go against my fears and give it a shot. I have oftentimes read that going for coworkers is a very bad idea, which I absolutely agree with. But the lady seems to be worth the risk that I'm considering it.

So I am asking for advice. Should I go for it? Has anyone here been in a similar situation? And if yes, how did you proceed? And just overall, share your opinion in general. Oh my goodness. What do you think, Ruthie? I always say go for it.

I always say give it a shot. I think so much of this is in his head for like how attractive or inadequate or whatever he is. But if he finds her attractive and sounds like she's engaging with him, I don't, it'd be nice to throw up like a little test balloon without being like, look, I find you attractive. I'm too short or whatever. Like I don't, I think just a test balloon would be nice. So like test balloon means flirting Oh like Get a coffee or something

I don't well I don't know what the work situation is here Did it say? No just that He's he's he's known her let's Known her for a single day Oh oh okay Met someone at work

Okay yeah he's good Very attractive Mm hmm Mm hmm yeah Foster the relationship a little So yeah I So generally speaking, I'm for going for it. Right?

So I think that just go for it. After a single day? What does it mean? I said generally speaking, we're going to get to this in a second. So generally speaking, like, in terms of like, you know, if you want to wish her a happy Valentine's Day, just like, if that's what you're feeling authentically, just do it. Right. And like go go for it and respect the other person's boundaries. That's my general philosophy for like how to approach these kinds of situations.

What? But. But what? It worked for you? No, no, no. I hear a butt coming. So that's, you know, respect people's boundaries, but like be authentic, right? So just be like honest. And if you feel a particular way, let them know. That being said, especially, so here's what I think is going on. First thing is that don't shit where you eat, right?

So like don't, don't start relationships in places. I hate that phrase so much. What should I say? What, you have an alternative? I just, no, go ahead. Okay. So I'd say like it work like it's kind of weird, right? So if you ask this person out on a date, like, and they say no, you're going to have to continue interacting with them. Like I think there's like workplace boundaries, right? So we have boundaries around the workplace. And so respect boundaries. Be authentic, but respect boundaries. The other thing is that I get the sense that this person is trying to like prove or grow in a particular way to like, they're trying to level up. their fear, does that make sense? Like, they're sort of trying to level it, like, so they're kind of saying, like, okay, so I've been afraid to ask people out. So in order to level up,

like, I'm going to find an attractive person, I'm not going to be intimidated by them, and I'm going to ask them out. So that makes sense. Like, I think it's a good way to kind of approach things, like approach life, stuff like that, is like, if you have an internal sense of inadequacy and your internal sense of inadequacy has kept you back from a certain things or taking certain risks, you should absolutely try to level up that skill. But I'd be super careful about doing it, first of all, at work, right? Where there could be other kinds of consequences. You could make her feel uncomfortable.

It could HR stuff, like whatever. It could make you feel really uncomfortable. Like, you just don't know exactly like what's going to happen there because they're complicating factors, right? The other thing is that, you know, like this sentence really bothers me. but the lady seems to be worth the risk. That's just like, what I'm sort of getting there is that there's a normal calculus, but something about this situation is causing you to, like, rethink the calculus, right?

You don't want to, like, if you have an equation of appropriate behavior, it's like, let's say, I'm not going to steal, but then there's like, there's like a million dollars. And it's like, well, if there's a million dollars, like, maybe it's okay to steal. So like figure out what your, you know, what your standard is in life and then kind of like stick to it and be careful about making exceptions because I don't know what part of your body you're thinking with at that point. So I'd say be a little bit careful about, you know, trying to level up in a work situation. And, you know, if someone is worth the risk like that, just something about that doesn't sit right with me. The single day is kind of what's, I mean, I'm excited for him that he's finally. excited and thinks that there could be there after, you know, not having any mutual attraction

with anyone. Yeah. I mean, I'd say, you know, if you do, if you do want to pursue things in some way, I'd add, I think Ruthie's like right in terms of like test the waters, right? So try to have a conversation first. Like, you know, this is where also I wouldn't recommend that you flirt at work, but like being a little bit flirtatious is the way that you test the waters, right? That's what flirting is. It's like testing the water. flirting is? Well, what would you call it? I don't know.

I don't flirt at work. One day we are going to have to do some kind of stream or share what it's like to actually be married and work together. Yeah, maybe. So that's interesting, though, because we, you know, we were in a relationship before we started working together, which I think is, like, actually better, right, than the other way around. But I don't know.

We've had a couple of working relationships, too. like relationships where we are working on something together. Oh, is in, stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Well,

okay. Well, I mean, I feel like camp was sort of a dating service. Okay. Extracurriculars clubs. I don't know. Anyway.

So I would say kind of, if you're kind of terrified of making a move, like I would not recommend making a move in this situation. Yeah. I would, don't do some big gesture. Gentle, gentle, proceed, with caution.

Yeah. Chat wants me to teach them how to flirt. Okay. What do you think? Go ahead. You want me to flirt with you right now? It's not what I want. That's what Chad wants.

Well, what do you want? I want you to flirt with me right now. I can tell. That's how you do it. Easy. Done. Too easy. See?

Work work work for work. I'm busy, I'm busy and busy. You like being floored with. I do. I do because I don't invite flirtatious attention because I'm a married lady. Well, I mean, I'm super lucky that you don't invite flirtatious attention because if you did, you'd get like so much of it. Yeah, that's why Puerto Rico is fun. I can imagine.

Right? So I think that's a good example. You get a lot of flirtatious attention, friend. You've always gotten flirtatious attention. I don't think so. Oh, my God, those nurses. I mean, that's, so hospitals are just a whole different situation. It doesn't count in hospitals.

Is that what I'm hearing? No, no, no. I also am very, very careful about, you know, the kinds of, you know, I started, you know, wearing the ring recently because I was getting. Yeah, you were. You were really getting quite a lot. So we just have to be careful there, right? So we want to set boundaries.

and the ring is one way that you indicate a boundary to other people. So. But in terms of flirting, I don't know, like, what did you like? Because it was pretty easy, right? Because I was like, oh, do you want me to flirt with you? You're like, no, I want to chat. It's like, get it a laugh. It's the look.

It's the set of the chin. And the eyebrow. Eyebrows? Yeah. Accent. What about the flaring of the nostril? The accent is really just not a good way to go, friend. Yeah, so I think, you know, in terms of flirting, like, try to make her laugh.

like true you know make her feel special and yeah i i don't know i mean you all saw what happened there right so how would you how would you just yeah just so this is the kind of thing where like whatever whatever they send your way like play with it don't argue with them right so if she's like oh chat wants me i don't even remember what i said it just felt pretty easy it was easy yeah you're easy um that's true yeah right so that's the kind of thing where you could have responded with, oh, no, you're easy. But that's a little bit aggressive. It's like, yeah, you're right. And then she laughs. So you got to be careful because, like, in there you can say, oh, you're easy. But you don't want to say that. Like, you're like, yeah, I'm easy. Take advantage of me, please.

You know, that's, that's, that's the attitude. You don't say that. No, it's okay. It's easy. It's good. It's good. You see what I'm saying? Yeah. You see what I'm saying? Like, you just like, you don't want to say take advantage of me because that's a little bit forward, right? Like, it's like, heavy-handed, maybe a little bit creepy. It's like, oh, take advantage of me. you baby like that's you know what I mean that's too much so that attitude it's about facial expressions nonverbal communication um like you don't you want to sort of say like yeah i am easy like what are you going to do about it you know what i'm saying yeah yeah yeah the wiggle is good yeah so i got i got a i got a really good tip um many years ago from someone who was doing teaching us how to give speeches this was back when i was in residency and so she was saying like you know as you're giving

speech, like, come up with the first paragraph, and she had us throw and catch balls while we were, like, delivering the speech. And what happens when you're, like, tossing a ball back and forth with someone else who's, like, giving a speech, is that there's, like, movement involved, and it kind of, like, loosens you up. So, like, a lot of people are really nervous, but, like, physiologically, if you, like, move physically while you're sort of practicing to give a speech, it kind of, like, reduces that tension. It makes you feel a lot more natural. So I think a lot of the movement is really good. And you don't want to be like, so the whole thing about flirtation is that you don't want to

be heavy-handed, right? So you don't want to say like, oh, take it. The whole point of flirtation is that it's like subsurface communication. Yeah. That's the whole point. Innuendo. Yeah. And so then that's the kind of thing where it's like with innuendo plus like facial expressions,

like you can, you know, a little bit of like loose movement, confidence. You're not tense. You're not like, ha, ha, ha, let me flirt with you, please, my lady. Right? So you want to just be chill. like and also remember that if you're trying to flirt low expectations for yourself and the other person, right? So the goal should be that both you all should walk away from the interaction having enjoyed the experience. It's not about trying to get laid or trying to get a date or anything like that.

It's just like, let's have this brief interaction. And if she's laughing at the end of it, that makes me happy. We both sort of enjoyed that, you know, and then like you can kind of like walk away if you need to, right? So you don't want to get overly invested. You want to steer clear of stuff like worth the risk. So just try to have an engaging, enjoyable interaction with another human being without attaching too much to it. Yeah. I agree with that a lot.

Right. Don't try to seal a deal or get something out of it. It's just having fun in the moment. Yeah. And so I think that's where being attractive to other people is about, you know, being enjoyable. to spend time. I have a question. Yeah.

Okay. So I know what an alpha is. I know what a beta is. What's a Sigma? So chat may be able to answer better. But I think Sigma is someone who just has their own plan, like doesn't play the game and plays like their own independent game. Right? So like in the Super Bowl, for example, right?

So you have the winners and the losers and then you have the people over here playing Dota. Who are the sigmas? All right, got it. Is that, is that correct? He knows. That sounds good. I've got my picture. I may go get some tea or something, though.

Tea sounds nice. What kind? Something easy. Green tea? Sure. You want to handle the next one? Sure. Uh-oh.

This one's loaded. Loaded chat. Okay, I'm going to go, I need to go pee and... Yeah, you go do that. I'm just going to hang out with chat. I'm not going to do a subreddit. Okay, okay, go. Okay.

You want to munchy? I don't want to munch on the microphone. No munching on the microphone. Okay. Love you. Love you too. Hi. Happy Valentine's Day chat.

What can I do for you? Oh, thanks. Didn't they do such a good job on this office? They really did great. How is it living with Dr. Kay? It's amazing. He does so much that I don't really realize until like he's gone. So like he always knows where my phone is.

My phone is always charged. He used to keep up with my glasses too, but we haven't seen a pair in a while. He's super thoughtful. He's always like, I'm going to be outrunning errands. Do you want anything? Or, you know, like if he's going from this room to that room, he's always like multitasking, like, oh, I'll take this to that room with me. I mean, there's like some drawbacks too because stuff tends to get. shifted all over the place, but

he's great. He's a great dad. His stories are, like I like listening to his bedtime stories and his like dinnertime stories. So the girls are like, tell us a story, tell us a story. And he's trying to eat.

But I'm like, tell us a story. He's great, really. He's very, like, he's just a person who likes taking care of people. Tell us two bad things about Dr. Kay, please. Well, you guys probably know this, but he definitely burps a lot. And the other bad thing, he used to, well, no, that's, I can't think of another one.

This is weird. That's all I got. He burps a lot. You've never seen Moist Critical. I'll see a couple of his clips sometimes, but I don't know if that was directed at me or not. Dr. Kay called himself a loser. So what made Ruthie fall in love with the loser? He wasn't a loser.

He wasn't. He was, he was, um, he had really short hair at the time. So like, you know, he just didn't look his best. Um, he also didn't really care about like, he didn't really know how to dress and stuff like that. Um, so I think. he just wasn't like put together in that way but he was also like 17 18 um no no no no sorry he was like 21 when we started dating um he wasn't a loser i don't think oh my god when will we see photos of young dr k you know we didn't have smartphones back then so they're like printed out pictures buried in an

album somewhere. Wasn't he failing? Yeah, but a lot of people, that doesn't, to me, default, make you a loser. But yeah, he had some, he had some academic problems. Did I dress him up? I don't, no, I didn't dress him up. He, he gets most of his fashion advice from his brother and a couple of his friends. And then he, like, kind of finds, like, the jeans that fit him, and he just gets in every

color. He finds the shirts that he likes and he just gets in every. color, which I think is actually a good way to go. It really simplifies the decision-making. Are you 50 years old? No, I'm not. He should dress better. Okay. Indian accent, please. I can do a little bit, but my accent is not so good. Also, my accent is more like an uncle than an auntie. I cannot do an anti-accent. I can do an uncle accent. That's all. Do I speak Hindi? I studied Hindi for two years, but I'm pretty awful. I don't speak Gujarati very well either. How have you contributed to how he is now? I try not to think about that too much because I don't

like the idea of like taking credit for somebody else's life for growth, but I think, I mean, we very much are who we are because of each other's support and encouragement. So I'd say I've contributed, but I don't want to take credit for all of the amazing things that he's done. How can you tell when a girl is interested in more than being friends? Okay, the simplest solution is how much time she gives you. If she's giving you a lot of time, she enjoys your company and will want to, I think, because I don't give my guy friends that much time.

You know, it's like you're more compartmentalized in a person's life. But when you give somebody a lot of time, that's when I think you can signal that. You could potentially explore taking that relationship further. Which part of India you belong to ethnicity-wise? We're Gujarati. How did you succeed in education college?

Success is a weird word when it comes to academics. Personally, I went to school to learn. I didn't really care about the grades. I went to school to learn and to network and to develop skills. I think when you're in an academically inclined trajectory, it's really about performance in like the next step. What are my thoughts on polygamy? I've never seen it succeed. I'm sure it works for some people. I just don't know them. How do you practice and get better at playful teasing, flirting

without creeping people out? I mean, it's a good question. It's hard because, you know, if you're only thinking about like am I creeping someone out, am I creeping someone out, it's going to be kind of debilitating in the moment to actually flirt. The best advice I would give you is do it in like very low risk environments. Like, you know, if you're out traveling and you're never going to see these people again or at a coffee shop or something, I would start with a compliment, some sort of compliment that's fairly innocuous, like shoes, where do you get them, like that kind of thing, and see where that opens up?

How do you balance helping a friend, romantic interests, mental health with your own mental health? Oh, that's a good one. I think, I mean, you, it's not your job to balance your mental health with your partner's mental health. I think that is something that you would want to both engage external professionals to help you figure it out individually and then talk about it together. So I would kind of say like you each need to work on yourself and then share progress with each other and what that means for your relationship. Why do you pick the weirdest chatters? I don't know. Sorry. I don't think they're weird.

Um, grutti, how, hold on, sorry, stop scrolling. How big is your biceps? Not that big. Do you like seafood? I love seafood. Oh, okay, no, I want to say I love seafood, but Olog and I have learned that we don't actually like seafood. We like fish.

This was like a realization, because we would always get like, you know, the seafood medley and be like, ah, don't want to be like, ah, don't. like half the stuff in here. We love fish. Okay on the seafood, but I love oysters. All looks okay on them. What kind of art do you like? I like sculpture a lot and actually I got Allok this really cool painting. I don't know where it has gone. But I really like art that as a little bit playful and a little bit escapist. Like you think of a time or a place. saw a memory, that kind of thing. You love the lamps?

I think they did such a good job with the lamps. I agree. Where is my doc? I need my doc. Now that I am having a heart attack, I'm alone on Valentine's Day. I don't know, but this is not medical advice. So if you're having a heart attack,

please see a medical professional. But Ollick will be back soon. He's making tea. Have I ever struggled with the breakup? Yeah, I have. Before Ollick and I got together, I went through a really painful breakup. It was really painful. I was also pretty young, so I didn't, I'd never been, like, rejected before. And that was really, really hard. It was very, I didn't feel like myself. I felt like I had lost a lot of, like, my confidence and like aspects of my personality that I never even thought twice about.

I kind of was second guessing. It really, it really threw me for a loop. I was really, I was really hurt. It really hurt my feelings. How does one be in a relationship with the gamer boy who has never had one? Honest question. How does one be in a relationship with the gamer boy who has never had a relationship? Okay, I have a thing where I think we generally like overanalyze the labeling. And so if you're like, I want to be in a relationship, I don't know that we're clear always on what that means. Like, what does it mean to you to be in a relationship?

Because I think you can be in a relationship without having the relationship label. And that kind of makes it easier. And then once you get, you know, far enough along in that, you do want to define it, right? because otherwise it's going to be very confusing. What did I think of Olau when I first met him? I thought he was either going to, I thought he was going to end up becoming a cult leader, honestly, that's what I first thought.

Here I am, spearheading the cult. What did you do for Valentine's Day? Well, it's only 1.30, but Olaiq went and got flowers. and I made him an egg sandwich and he made tea. So it's, I think, just small acts of service so far. It's hot, okay? Thank you. Okay.

Can you keep going? Yeah. Let's do it. I can do this one. My 24, my... I'm so jealous that you just get to hang out with chat three times a week. Dude, it's great. I don't want to hang out with chat three times a week.

I want to stream more to be. honest. Yeah. Like so I don't know about y'all, but like I started playing Lost Ark. And that game is amazing. Um, the challenge is that, so someone was asking for a disco Elysium play through with like commentary, which I think would be a lot of fun. I think the challenge is that we kind of struggle because it's like some people come here for lectures or interviews or whatever, right? And so like I'm struggling because on the one hand, it's like, I want to just, it's like I feel like I don't get to be a regular Twitch streamer, you know. But I think it'd be great to just play Lost Ark.

I think you can. Right? Alt-account, I think it's a great idea. I don't know how to do that. But, but yeah, I would, I would love, maybe we'll, but you have to also let me play. What do you mean let you play? No, no, you have to, like, let me play for time, like, you know? I know, I mean, I know I have been playing, but I'm saying, like, you know, that'll be like a stream. like, so I can't just like stop, you know. What does that mean? It means that normally when I'm playing games, like if we need something, like one of our children is...

Right. I mean, I can't stop your children from meeting you. Yeah, but you have to like cover for me and take care of them. Yeah, I can do that. Yeah, okay. Not like every day. Not every day. Okay.

I'll figure out on schedule. Eight hours on Saturday. All right. That's a lot. Okay. So maybe we'll see. We'll see, chat. I think we can get through some of, we've got kind of a very full schedule for the next couple weeks with some coach training. But I can help you find some time.

Okay. Okay, let's keep going. So my boyfriend is blaming his cheating on me. Oh, fun. Hi, Reddit. I caught my boyfriend of three years texting a past fuck buddy, sexually. explicit conversations. This has been going on for over a month. I think we've all seen these posts before, so I won't go into a ton of detail. The real problem is now he's blaming me for his

unhappiness in the relationship, and that's why he cheated. I didn't try hard enough. I never solved problems, I always argue. I don't believe he feels any real remorse, and this is probably what hurts the most. Sigh. Anyway, any tips or advice on how to regain my sanity and try to rebuild confidence? and it to say, and this happened all on Valentine's Day, ouch. Ouch. That's rough. That sucks.

Yeah, I don't like that. He's blaming her. Cheating is one thing, and it's obviously not great. But blaming somebody else for kind of your misdeeds is, I feel like that's what makes this whole thing unsalvageable. Yeah. I mean, I think that, first of all, It's not on...

This cheating is also pretty egregious. It's not like, oh, it happened once. This feels unfixable. Regained my sanity. I think that's the big question, right? Yeah, so I think the first thing is that this is not that uncommon, right? So when we make bad decisions, we oftentimes want to provide rationalizations or justifications for them. So this is something that I've heard a lot, like,

professionally, that, you know, people will say like, oh, kind of you pushed me to cheat. And so, for example, like the boyfriend is kind of accusing this person of didn't try hard enough, never solved problems, always argue. And I know this is going to sound kind of weird, but like there may be some truth to that. So, for example, like in a relationship, like if you think about someone who's going to cheat, chances are there's going to be something about the relationship that they're unhappy with, right? Right. Not necessarily. I mean, they could be perfectly happy with it and just want to cheat anyway. So, and that's what can be so hard is like when you have a combination of something legitimately that's not perfect in the relationship, which is going to happen with every relationship.

And then you have someone using that as a justification or rationalization. Because remember, when our mind justifies or rationalizes things, it doesn't justify with falsehood. It justifies with truth. Right. But that's the tricky thing about the mind is that like, it's going to justify in a very selective way. So this is where like, you know, the simple response would be like, you know, if you thought I never solved problems, like, why not like talk about it, right? Like, like, this is where even if person A is doing some things that are not perfect in the relationship, like arguing or not trying hard enough, whatever the hell that means, then like how does that justify cheating, right? Like that doesn't, there's a huge logical misstep there that oftentimes once we start

rationalizing or justifying, like we just sort of miss. And this is where if you've ever been in an argument with someone and they like, you know, criticize you for something, like, what's your first response is to criticize them back, right? So it's like, oh, like you didn't take out the trash. Well, like you don't take out the trash like blah, blah, blah, right? Like you don't. And that's just naturally what the mind does. That's what the ego does. So there's an ego component to this. It's kind of unfortunately common. I think the other sort of sad thing, and this is how you, if you want regain your sanity is like if if your boyfriend says or girlfriend says you didn't try hard enough

so I cheated on you it's like do you want to be in that relationship to begin with in the sense of like you know how hard do you have to try to prevent someone from cheating right I get sort of the sense that the boyfriend is not putting as much effort into the relationship like and so in his mind he may be in a weird way fair that if he's expecting his girlfriend to do 90% of the work and never solving problems. Like if you're expecting your girlfriend to solve problems or your boyfriend to solve problems, like that's the kind of expectation

that I don't think will lead to a healthy relationship. Because I didn't try hard enough. I never solved problems. I always argue. If in a relationship, the subject of the sentence is not we or us, that's going to be a problem. And that's a fight that I don't think you can win, right?

Like, that's the kind of situation where if you kind of feel like, you know, if you get accused of not solving problems or not trying hard enough or always arguing, like the question, the response to that for your own sanity is, what is my partner putting in, right? Because it's like shared responsibility. Solving problems in a relationship is not something that I have to do or she has to do. It's something that we have to like do together. That's the whole point to the relationship. So I think that a couple of things to remember if you're trying to regain your sanity is first is that people will justify their behavior by pointing out things that are somewhat legitimate but are actually like not the whole

story. Right. So maybe you could work on your communication a little bit, but just because, you know, you can work on your communication doesn't justify his cheating. The next thing to think a little bit about is that like if you're in a relationship where, where the person that you're with is not willing to like share responsibility for relationship problems, like I never solve problems. I didn't try hard enough. You know, that's the kind of thing where it's like, that's shared responsibility, right? Because it's a relationship. Yeah. So that's where, you know, the fact that he doesn't feel any remorse, I think should sort of

tell you in a weird way that like you're probably, you know, that's kind of weird. Like he cheated on you. If you really thought the relationship wasn't working out, the right move is just to break up with you, right? So to say, hey, this relationship isn't working out for me like I'm going to, it's not to like text people sexually explicit conversations. Why? It's hard for me to hear you say, like, this relationship isn't working out for me. Like, just those words coming out of your mouth.

This relationship is working out for me. This is great. Yeah, I like this. Love you. Love you too. But what about regaining sanity and rebuilding confidence? Because that's like... Yeah, so I think oftentimes when we get dumped, we like, we accept the other person's perspective.

But I think this is where it's important to remember that, like, just because someone blames you for something doesn't mean that it's accurate. Right. And so this breakup has a lot more to do with, in my opinion. I mean, maybe we're getting one side. On the internet, you only get one side of the story, right? But, you know, what we're sort of hearing is that if there were problems in the relationship, we're not really hearing what that looked like in terms of solving problems or trying hard enough.

But it's very possible that there is, like we've been saying, there's some kernel of truth. So this is where, like, if you want to regain your sanity, anything that you could have improved on in the relationship, you kind of work on for the sake of your next relationship. But you also don't accept what this person says because at the end of the day, they were like sending sexually explicit texts to, you know, someone that they were sexually had a relationship with.

So, like, that's not on you, right? Like, that's on them. Yeah. So I think a lot of the lost sanity comes from when we start to accept responsibility for other people's actions, which is what they try to do. So when someone blames you, like they try to make you responsible for their actions, thereby absolving themselves of blame. And if you sort of don't let them do that, right?

So hold them accountable for what they did and also accept accountability for what you did. I think that's ultimately how you become sane and then prepare yourself for a healthy relationship next time around. I think practically getting away from him, your mutual friends, like that environment for a little while would be good. I mean, this is, I don't know if it's like the most healthy coping mechanism or not, but personally, I would just want to be away from it. And that also means like social media, like just disengage from social media for a little bit. I think what you're trying to do is get him out of your mental space

and not spend your mental space. energy dwelling on what you did wrong, what like replaying all these arguments. I think it's going to happen. But I think it needs to be away from your day-to-day environment that you shared with this person. Next? Yeah. Dopamine detox. I see that in chat. Did we want to tell people where they can sign up for dopamine detox stuff? So I think there's some kind of dopamine detox stuff going on on our Discord. I hear it's going pretty well. So this is a community-driven event to help people develop a healthier relationship with technology. So a lot of times if you're trying to like abstain from technology use, it's super, super challenging.

So we have a community-driven event that's going on right now that can help you kind of plan and figure out, okay, like what are you going to do on day one? What are you going to do on day two? What are you going to do on day three? And it looks like it's at 11 a.m. Central time. On what day, though? Is it every day? every Friday at 11 a.m. Central time. So if y'all are interested in developing a healthier relationship with technology.

Detox from stream. If that's what you got to do, do it. No, I mean, that's, you know. That's good. I think that as much as I love chat and as much as it's nice if we have viewers, like if you all spent a month not watching, not engaging with any screens, like I would be happy. Yeah. So what if our viewership goes down? Like, that's not what we're here for. Terrible cult leaders.

Yeah. So bad. Ultimately, like, it's for your benefit. And if stream helps you get there, then by all means watch. But if joining a dopamine detox and staying completely free of Twitch or whatever else, like that's, we want you to be healthy, happy. Does everybody know what dopamine detox means? So I don't know if people are super familiar with it,

but I think that y'all can show up on Fridays at 11 and kind of talk about it. I think I'm going to do it. I've been spending way too much time on social media lately. I'm going to do it. Okay. Okay, let's move on. Yeah. So how do you converse with really attractive people?

I frequently find myself just drifting away when talking to a person that really hits that bar of attractiveness. It's not even like I'm fantasizing about that person. But there's a part of me that just wants to sit and stare at the work of beauty that I'm looking at and not pay attention. to a single word being said. And that in the past has come off really wrongly. To avoid such a situation from arising, I normally avoid contact and or act cold, but that is not what I want to do either.

I just want to treat them like I would any other person because I think that it's unfair of me to treat someone like that for no fault of theirs. What causes this reaction? It is probably a result of there being some sexual attraction, but why does it result in such a reaction? Dr. Kay talked in a recent video about how he doesn't care

that the other person in front of him is attractive or not. This blows my mind. How do you become a chat? And most importantly, what do you think I can consciously do to navigate that situation? Can you truly beat the ancient reptilian brain inside you? Should you? What do you think? This is what happens to me every single time.

You know, people think that I'm a Chad, but every time I see you, it just, I lose sight of everything. I can't concentrate. Oh, that makes you not a Chad. And I was like, excuse you. All right. What do you think? I get tongue-tied sometimes. Then you got talking to me.

I mean, I get it. I thought that was a critical fail, chat. I don't think that was a critical hit. Right? So this is where, like, you know, you're not going to bat 100%. Which is fine. I mean, I think, like, it's almost sometimes people are so attracted. They're intimidating.

And I wonder if this is. is more of like an intimidation thing than like a oh my god they're so attractive i can't function yeah i mean i i think that um you know we can take some so the the mind and brain and sense organs tend to acclimatize to stimuli so if you think about like you know if you walk into a house where there's food being cooked the first thing that you smell is the food but as an hour goes by you're you'll acclimatize that stimuli and you'll start kind of extinguishing it. So I think the first thing to consider is that, you know, you may have some kind of reaction, but that over time that reaction should diminish. Okay. The second thing that I'd say is that, you know, how do you, so if you have some

kind of reaction, whether it's to an attractive person or, you know, fear every time you step out outside your door or, you know, being afraid to close your eyes when you go to sleep, like whatever kind of reactions you have, try to understand, like, acknowledge that it's happening and try to understand, like, what's happening and where it's coming from. So I don't necessarily mean in, like, a deep-rooted psychological sense. Like, what is the physiology of this reaction? So this is where a lot of times we automatically sort of shoot for the mental side, right? Oh my God, like, what does this mean? Like mentally, am I intimidated, right? So that's a psychological interpretation. But oftentimes, our mood, our mental state in our body will go hand in hand. So when you feel

like crying, you're going to feel like a lump in your throat. You'll feel tightness in your chest. When you feel nervous, it'll be like butterflies in your stomach, right? So our physiology is a big part of our experience of things, right? It's not just mental. So the other thing that you can always try doing is like breathing into it. So we've done several meditations about this that are sort of like oriented towards emotions. But, you know, if you see someone and you kind of notice yourself having this reaction, I wouldn't avoid eye contact or act cold. I mean, I know what you kind of have. to it maybe at the beginning but this is where it's just like take a deep breath and kind of sigh you know it may seem a little bit weird to do that if you're like in a conversation with

someone please don't do that do that like as you're walking through the door don't know it's not gonna help you um and then and then kind of just notice where yeah maybe don't do that like I said we're not batting a hundred today chat um yeah just go right and they'll do that and then then you'll be totally fine. So, yeah, so I'd say, you know, just notice that reaction. Allow yourself to have the reaction. Oftentimes through suppressing our reactions to things, that's how we keep it there. So you want the reaction to kind of wash through you if that sort of makes sense.

Right. So what you want to do is like, oh, like, okay, so here we go again, right? So you don't want to say that. You just kind of want to notice it and just kind of, right, just kind of take a deep breath and just like engage with the person. sort of start to think a little bit about, okay, what are they actually saying? Like, let me try to really focus and concentrate on what this person is saying and interact with them as a human being. And as you sort of breathe a little bit, as you acknowledge what's happening, as you kind of let that reaction wash through you, hopefully you'll start to just be able to talk to them.

And the good news is that it's kind of interesting. I just realized another thing. So if you're avoiding eye contact and remaining cold, you're not giving your mind. Oh, this is actually really interesting. you're not giving your mind any kind of distraction. So this could, in a weird way, make things worse because if you engage in a conversation and like that conversation is engaging, then your mind will be able to distract itself from whatever stimuli you're kind of dealing with. And you can actually like talk to the person, right?

So be present with them. And the more that you kind of avoid eye contact and act cold, like the more like the only thought in your head that you're sort of experiencing is that drifting away around their attractiveness. So interestingly enough, I wonder if that's actually like not is, is hurting more than helping. Okay, I've got a couple of like practical tips. Wear sunglasses, like give yourself a little bit of grace on the eye contact and stuff. The second is smile. Because when you smile and the other person smiles back at you, that'll help you relax, I think. And you won't be like, oh my God, they're so attractive. They're so attractive. They're so attractive. Oh, my God.

I think if you can kind of go into it with a smile and like get some positive feedback from that person. Don't do that fake smile though. It's fake smile. Or it allocates this one. Do this one. That's a better smile. You can't see the difference? Don't do a fake smile.

You want to show them the fake one? That's the fake one. And this is the real one. I see the difference? I've had to fake smile a lot these days. Anyway. But yeah, I think getting the. some positive feedback so it doesn't feel so like you're talking into a blank wall um

sunglasses smile i feel like i had a third one but y'all are so attractive i forgot okay um yeah so i think we're about done you want to do like one or two more what you think you can you want to just hang out with chat they had a lot of questions about what everything. I mean, we have, we're gonna have to wrap up in a few minutes. Yeah, but why do we just hang out with them for five, ten minutes instead of another subreddit? Yeah, so what are y'all, what are y'all playing on Lost Ark?

Like, what's good? I'm playing a sorceress, wizard. I'm playing a dwarf. You're not. Do you want, there are no dwarfs in Lost Ark. Okay, I was like, how long can I get a little? away with it. Which class is best, chat?

Dwar's. Is pay to win sorceress? Is sorcerers pay to win? Mostly team dwarf. Dude, that'd be awesome. I'd play dwarf in Los Angelesark if there was one. Is there one? I may just be mistaken.

You know what's epic? Is Deep Rock Galactic? If you want to play a dwarf, you should play Deep Rock. I'll play with you. Yeah, let's play Deep Rock. Okay. Our kids like it too. Yeah, they're really intense about it.

Alok, he puts them on his lap, and then you do like the controlling, right? And then they just dig. No, no, no. So they know the three buttons. So they have, they can shoot, they can jump, and they can use things, like the interaction. So I will aim and I'll move, and they'll perform all the actions. They like freak out. He'll be like, get him, Avi, get him.

Avi, get him, get him. And I'll hear, Avi, like, ah. Yeah. It's really great. One of the kids really loves Skyrim and, like, kind of likes it too much. So we had to stop playing it because it was like, but she's totally into like dual wielding axes. Like, I was like, oh, do you want to use a sword? And she's like, no.

I want two axes. And she likes, she also likes to use different kinds of magic. So she's super into it. But I started playing Pokemon with them. Yeah. that's they seem to seems to seems to be like good enough for them yeah they're actually able to play that and then uh-by tilt or veer tilts pretty hard on maria right mom get it get it yeah but i die jump better i think that's just she's she's her her tilting pretty hard on mario is a

consequence of her like actually understanding the game so i think it's actually a good milestone oh okay right because now she like understands the mechanics and she understands like like when to be frustrated. And, you know. And I was like trying to explain to her. I was like, you can't bubble because like I could die on this level. Right. Like so I, you know, I need you to like be alive so that I can respond.

And she's like, no, but I'll just bubble. It's like, if things are getting. She's like, no. She like does not wait. She's like, mom, we're going. She'll just go. Oh yeah. She has no presence.

She has no idea of like where other people are. And so she'll just leave us behind. Indeed. Dota, yeah, I don't know if they're ready for that. Nobody's ready for that. That too, I was surprised because I thought that in Dota they would like Crystal Maiden, right? Because they're super into Frozen. But they, like, Uvi likes like Viper and all of the monstrous creatures.

She has a lot of monster empathy. Yeah. That's really interesting. All right, you want to do one more then? Any questions in chat or are we good? Yeah, I think we're going to have to wrap up. So chat, who do you all want to raid? Thanks for dropping by, guppy face.

Hassan? Asman. Dude, I was watching Asman on the old stream the other day. He had 400,000 viewers, and he couldn't even log into Lost Ark. Yeah. It was, it was, it was, okay, we can, who, is anyone else doing like,

Valentine's Day related content, Raid Alinity? I haven't heard people asking to Raid Alinity in a while. How do you defeat FOMO? I like that question. What do you think? How do you, how do you, okay, we'll read Alinity. How do you defeat FOMO?

Last question. In my opinion, like, I get FOMO when I'm trying to see what other people are doing and like, I want to do that, I want to do that. And the best thing for me is like, well, what do I want to do? And then I host the event or I like throw the thing or I start the company or whatever. So I think for me it's initiative that helps me with FOMO Instead of like trying to see what other people are doing And catch in on that to kind of make my own thing to do

Yeah I know this sounds kind of weird But it's part of the way that I deal with FOMO is just to recognize That most things in life I'm going to miss out on Right if you really think about it like you're going to miss out Like of all of the experiences that human beings can have have, you're going to miss out on, you know, the vast, vast, vast majority. Like, think about all of the bread that has been baked in the history of humanity and all of the delicious, fresh loaves that people have kind of eaten. And you're not going to get to eat most of those.

And this was really hard for me, especially when I was like, when I started to get like serious professionally because I'd miss things. Like I'd miss like gaming launches and stuff like that, right? So FF14 is something that I really like missed out on because I've heard that. if I had been playing FF14 over the last like three years, it would have been one of the most awesome like gaming experiences, but that's just, you know, you're going to miss that. That's okay. And this is where I think a big part of FOMO is the idea of like what's truly limited. Did I miss out on FF14?

Sure. Was it epic? Certainly sounds like it. And like Lost Ark is out now. And it's not like there won't be other epic RPG experiences available, you know? So it's okay to miss out. on things. Like life is not really about trying to do everything. It's about really appreciating like what you have and what your opportunities are because the vast majority of stuff you're going to miss.

I know it sounds kind of weird, but like just really think about that. It's okay to miss stuff. It's not like opportunities are really limited, right? Oh, you didn't get to go to dinner this week. Like there will be more dinners in the future. There will be more games in the future. There will be more things in the future. Oh, I really want to play lost arc. I really want to play. I really want to play. Like I'm going to stay up until 5 a.m. It's like what do you think is going to happen tomorrow? Like you're going to, you can play tomorrow. It's not like servers are going down in a week, right? So what's the rush?

Never know when the servers are going to go down, though. That's true, actually.