HealthyGamerGG - Lovemaxxing E3: Why Modern Dating Feels Like Parenting

Episode Date: June 29, 2026

In the third episode of the "Lovemaxxing" series, Dr. K sits down with Britney, a powerhouse single mother of three with a PhD, to explore the intense logistical and emotional hurdles of dating as a highly independent parent. They discuss why successful, stable women often attract individuals looking to be parented, how past betrayals shape our boundaries, and why having a heavily structured life can inadvertently make modern dating incredibly difficult. What to expect in this episode: The "Hobosexual" Epidemic: A look at why highly organized women often attract partners who are looking for someone to live off of and take care of them, rather than an equal partnership. Redefining Infidelity: Why Britney considers the continuous "exchange of communication" and entertaining another person's attention to be cheating, even if it never becomes physical. The Single Parent Investment: The logistical reality that going on a single date requires massive upfront planning, including prepping meals and paying a sitter, making last-minute cancellations a severe sign of disrespect. The Burden of Grief: How Britney's first marriage fell apart when her husband faced personal tragedy, choosing to isolate himself, abandon shared household responsibilities, and ultimately commit infidelity. The "Princess Treatment" Reality: Why asking for the "princess treatment" isn't about giving up her career to be spoiled, but rather a profound desire for a partner to occasionally take the wheel and provide a break from managing everything 24/7. The Cost of Entry: Dr. K suggests that mature men who accurately assess the high level of effort required to fit into Britney's busy life might hesitate, leaving her to deal with oblivious men who don't understand the responsibility involved. Rigidity and Unspoken Rules: A gentle challenge from Dr. K on how Britney's necessary survival adaptations as a single mom have made her rigid, causing her to dismiss a partner's confusing behavior rather than trying to understand their differing perspective. The "Going Dutch" Trap: A story about the confusion that arises when the "talking phase" lacks clear communication, illustrating what happens when one person tries to change the rules of a relationship without actually stating their romantic intentions. Dr. K's NEW Guide to Love, Sex, & Relationships is here! Order now: https://bit.ly/4dO3x0VHG Coaching : https://bit.ly/46bIkdo Dr. K's Guide to Mental Health: https://bit.ly/44z3SztHG Memberships : https://bit.ly/3TNoMVf Products & Services : https://bit.ly/44kz7x0 HealthyGamer.GG: https://bit.ly/3ZOopgQ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Yeah, we have a whole culture now of hobosexuals, people who wants to come and live with you to just eat off you until you get tired. Can you tell me about a homosexual? Educate me, Brittany, please. Having a relationship with you, I think, is not simple. Let's put it that way. Okay. My definition of infidelity is the exchange of communication. And what I mean by that is...

Welcome to Love Maxing with Dr. Kay, the show where we talk to real people about their real dating struggles. I'm Dr. Kay, a Harvard-trained psychiatrist, and today we're going to meet Brittany. Brittany is a powerhouse. She's a recent PhD graduate, a professor at a university, and a full-time mother to three athletes, and she handles it all with ease. But she struggles to find someone who is an equal partner in life. Like, this is maybe a bit judgmental and a bit unfair, but like, why do you keep on attracting deadbeats?

You know what? I've been asking myself this same question. I don't know. I work with, unfortunately, too many young men and young women and older men and older women, to be honest. Okay. Who are looking for one of their partners to be their parent. Talking with Brittany shows us why dating is so hard right now. You can have reasonable expectations, but that doesn't make them easy to meet.

But I don't know if this makes sense. The people who are accurately able to assess what it takes to date you also are accurately able to assess that it takes a lot. I mean, you call it the princess treatment, but it's not the. princess treatment. Right. I think what you're asking for is someone to take care of you every now and then. This interview shows how complicated searching for the right partner can be. And if you all want more insight into finding the right partner or making it work with the right person, check out Dr. Kay's guide to love, sex, and relationships. Let's dive into the interview. Can you just tell me a little bit about yourself? My name is Brittany. I'm 37. I am a, I work in education, actually K-12 and

professor at a university. I do a, I'm like the jack of all trades. I do a lot of stuff like, you know, I volunteer with my church. And I also am the manager of my kids sports team. So I do a lot of things in that capacity. Again, I am a doctor as well. I have my doctor in curriculum and instruction, but my biggest history of background is in social work. So my bachelor's and master's in social work. So working with the people, speaking for the people advocating, right? So that's really a big just on my life. Mother of three, I have twin boys who are 11 and my daughter who is four. Very active in everything, church, sports, community. So my first impression sitting here is that you're kind of a powerhouse. Like, I mean, well-educated, um, professional.

you know involved with your kids extracurriculars right so I think a lot of parents will like send their kids to extracurriculars but it sounds like you're kind of in the trenches with them volunteering for their sports and you're active in your church yes so I mean you seem can you help me understand a little bit about your energy level and like how you find the time bandwidth energy to do all of that so um I have a theory And that theory model is you find time for the things that you want to do. Okay. Right?

And you can even apply that to Dayton. If you really want to, you will try, right? But energy level wise, because I am a single parent and I take the boatload of parenting, like 100% of the parenting, I'm doing it by myself, you know, you have to find ways to engage outside of the norm, right? Because, again, it's easy for us just to, you know, go to school, go to work, come home, right? And I'm a big advocate for sports because I played it when I was a kid. It was my escape away from, you know, just the craziness of the house. But as a parent, I'm like, you're not about to get on my nerves. So let me find something for you to do.

And, you know, again, I get a chance to watch you and embrace you. And also, you know, kind of coach on the sideline of it as well. So, again, I'm a manager for their track team and for my twins. for that. Again, it just kind of came about, I'm really big with organization. And I noticed, like, you know, this was a team. They were just now building and just trying to get everything in line. So, you know, they kind of asked me to help out in certain capacity. And I was big like, hey, I need to know where I'm going to be, when I'm going to be, you know, how long I'm going to be there. Just all of those things. Again, just as a parent, it was just like, oh, well, we can use you for that. And so

going on four years, I enjoy, I kind of worked the background of it. Yeah, the background. So all of the websites and all of that. Oh, wow. Yeah, so I control our team app, the website, parent relations, so all of that capacity. And again, like I said, I just kind of coordinate time of like, okay, I'm working on this right now. This is for track. I'm working on this for church. I'm working on this for that.

So just kind of shovel those things out. And then when I shut down, I shut down. I shut down from everything. I close my room door. What does shutting down look like for you? Sometimes it's difficult to shut down because. it's like, again, that energy that you're hearing now, that's me all day, right? Yeah.

So some days I'm, like, completely dream. But then there are some days I'm just like, I can knock these things out, you know, because, again, I'm looking at deadlines, time lines. Again, just kind of correlates with my job. But sometimes shutdown is just literally phones going to the side. I'm going to watch junk TV, some not reality TV, but more of like just whatever shows. You know, ever since COVID, I love how to have all the seasons together. So I don't have to wait the next week to watch the show.

So how does time for dating work for you? So it has been rough. It's been, it'll be four years this year that I've been divorced. So there was definitely no push to just run back out there. Again, I've tried the dating apps. You can have it. I don't want it. Again, like I say, it's not genuine, right?

but then like I said the opportunity to kind of go out right and like meet people it's it's um kind of rare when you say because again like I say my kid I I wake up at 5 a.m. and I don't get home until like 8, 9 p.m. depending on the day because of sports and then teaching and then Saturday morning sports by the time you get through playing with the sun Houston sun you're done for the day. Yeah. Sunday you wake up church getting yourself ready. for the next week, so days just kind of crashing to themselves. Yeah. And so do you mind if I ask you about your previous relationship?

Sure, go ahead. So you said it's been four years since you were divorced. What did that relationship look like? As far as what? When you mean, what does it look like? How long were you together? What were, how did you all get together? What did that?

So we went to college together. We knew each other, like, knew each other in passing, but never just as a conversation. made each other years later, I want to say over, probably somewhere over 10 years later, you know, kind of connected on the past of going to an HBCU, the Preview-Annam University. You know, I used to work as the sports administration assistant, and he actually was a football player. So that was our initial connection and just, you know, just life and then COVID. And then, you know, COVID really teach you.

about people. It taught you about, it taught me, sorry, it taught me about, you know, again, someone's true self when you're having to be in the house with them on a concert because you couldn't go anywhere, right? That person being your lifeline, you know, because again, there was no, no outs. And so just from that, just learning that, oh, you know, just a lot of things that claimed to be really wasn't. So literally pregnant. I was in my doctorate program and we got married and divorced

within a year. And then as COVID progressed sort of you started to see a different side of him. Yes. Yes. Are you comfortable sharing what you saw? I mean, again, the the influence of social media, right?

You know, you can be a different person on there, right? And so to, you know, just to see that, oh, Instagram, you know, Snapchat, Facebook, that, you know, you don't, you don't have to disclose, you know, certain things, you know, being married, being in a relationship, unless you want to. So, yeah. So to find out that there are other people trying out for a spot that was already taken, it's like, oh, okay, well, you can go back and have that spot.

Yeah, so, you know, Brittany, I totally understand why, like, you know, people's reluctance to talk about this. The reason I'm asking about it is because it is like shockingly common. Mm-hmm. I agree. And like, you know, so, I mean, what I'm hearing you say is that you saw that your husband was not, and not, we don't have to go into too much detail, but basically was representing himself in a particular way on social media that was not really honest. Yes. And you saw that and then you were like, this is not okay and then that's the end of it? Yes, because the biggest rule from B.E when it comes.

any relationship. And I think everybody has their, um, their breaking point or their do's and don'ts, right? And so my biggest thing is infidelity. Like I just, there's, there's nothing in my brain that helps me wrap

anything around it for it to make sense, right? Yeah. I don't believe in it, meaning that I don't do it. So, you know, going into any type of relationship, I communicate this. Like, hey, you know, we can work through some things.

But this right here, I can't. The deal breaker. Mm-hmm. And, and so, What's your understanding of people who are not, what's your understanding of people who don't think like you? Well, I mean, just being honest. You know, if you don't feel like you can be in a monogamous, right?

I think monogamous relationship, then just be frank. Yeah. Because, again, you have to give the other person an opportunity to decide if that's what they want. Do they want to be in a poly relationship? They want to be a monogamous relationship. But you trying to be someone else, but then also trying to maintain the things that you're gaining and maintain the things that you're gaining and, you know,

all of that from another person is just not fair. Okay. And so makes perfect sense. So you're like, you know, if you want to be Polly, be up front about it, be honest about it. Let the other person make an informed choice. Right. And so since things ended with your ex, so it sounds like you were not super eager to jump

back into the dating world? I mean, I think, no, was not. And again, like I said, I have made a temp. Again, it's going on four years. But a lot of it is being like, say, just that hiding behind the camera, hiding behind a profile, hiding behind a picture versus just, you know, being direct and straightforward for what it is that you want, you know, again, people will put these things on their profiles saying that, you know, they want someone that they could, what do you call it? They want someone that they could have a

forever with, right? But then you're also saying you want a pilot relationship or that, you know, you want to be able to explore the field. So it's like, do you really know what you want? Right? But then, like I say, you have this profile of, you know, this person, of things that you may see. I mean, this profile of this person, but then when you start talking to them,

you start to recognize that you're not stable. You don't have a job. You know, you got, you know, all these different things going on. It's just like, so how can you welcome someone into your life when you don't even have a stable foundation to sit on? So, by the way, thank you for sharing all this. No problem. This is like high opening.

You know, I thought it was interesting. You used the word hiding behind a profile. And you shared a couple of examples of saying, I'm looking for something long term in my forever person, but I'm into open relationships. Yeah. So do you find that people are deceptive? Oh, very much so. Because it's the aspect of like likes and seeing who all is going to, you know, debate who's going to take it and some people do fall for it but it's like again once you start

to have that conversation and starting to get to engage with them it's like um you're not who you say you are so yeah and can you give me a little bit more color into that so when someone like what would someone what would you see on the profile and then what would they say that would signal to you that they're not who they say they are so let me give an example so there's a app, there's a dating app where it moves with you, meaning that if you're in Houston and then you have to fly to Atlanta, right, it would move to it. It would now show you active in Atlanta. So again, you're, if you know that your job is going to require you to be doing like a lot of movement, again, not really having a stable foundation of saying, oh, I live here. You know, so it's just kind of

like you're just kind of just accepting the invitations and the messages from anywhere because again, the app is moving with you. Does that make sense? Yeah. So someone's job requires them to move around a lot and they're talking to people. Just to travel. Just to travel. Yeah. So.

And they're talking to people in multiple cities. Yes. Okay. Yes. And when they say I'm looking for something long term, that doesn't, that seems deceptive to you? It's deceptive. I feel in some case. And so for me, I just feel like it feels deceptive in some time in cases because you just kind of, I guess, again, it may be a trust issue.

because I'm not sure what's going on whenever you, you know, you're making that move, right? You know, and even if you're just there for the weekend, but you will find, like, so let's just say you were in Houston on Monday or chatting, whatever, on Monday, your job requires you to go to Atlanta on Wednesday, but I don't hear from you again until Friday. Like, those long periods of times without communication, so do you, are you asking that to be a norm, right? That I am to not be communicating with you or to hear from you for a long period of time, because Just being mindful that whatever it is that you accept during that dating phase is you can't be mad at when you decide to make yourself exclusive.

So whenever that travel comes in, it's just like, oh, I don't hear from you again until you're back in Houston. That's deceptive to me, right? Because what are you doing that's requiring you not to communicate, right? Loneliness is in an all-time high. Sexlessness is in an all-time high. Relationships are probably in the worst state they've ever been in the history. history of humanity. And that's why I made Dr. Kay's guide to love, sex, and relationships. Let's talk about who you should actually date. Falling in love is sometimes one of the biggest

mistakes that you can make. You know, I started to do a lot of research about how to have, like, really good sex. Visit healthygamer.gagher.g.g.s slash guide to learn more. Good luck out there, motherfuckers. Y'all are going to need it. So what would you be looking for in a situation like that? I mean, whose job really just takes them completely out of pocket, right? And I'm just just thinking just of like again you have to fly right you land in Atlanta hey I've made it you know oh I'm about to walk into this meeting um I'll talk to you later on tonight once I get settled those are like little short like you know little short check-ins right like those don't hurt but four or five days and nothing like no I gotcha yeah and you were about to say something else

sorry before I cut you off um you know again like you're you're putting this this thing that okay I'm looking for, I'm looking for these things in this, in this woman. I'm looking for someone who's stable. I'm looking for someone who is stable. I'm looking like, they're throwing out all these different things, right? But they are not, right? Again, I can kind of go back to the essence of stability. You're staying with a friend. You don't have a job, but you want a woman who got a job and who has their own home.

Like, no, you can't ask. Don't ask me of something that you can't produce. Gotcha. So it's those things. And again, that comes through conversation, right? That was like, what's on your profile? profile, we match, we match, you know, we connect, we're talking, and all of a sudden I start finding out life for you is not what you have on your profile.

Gotcha. So, so, and that makes perfect sense. Let me just make sure I got you. So, you know, someone says, I'm looking for stability, but their own life is unstable. Exactly. They don't have a steady place to stay. They don't have a clear job. So they're sort of asking for something that they don't provide. Exactly. And, and I can totally see how, you know, you would sort of have to do that, right? Because, you know, if you're, pardon my language, if your shit isn't together, then you can't advertise that, you know?

Yeah, we have a whole culture now of hobosexuals, people who wants to come and live with you to just, you know, come live with you, eat off of you until you get tired. Can you tell me about homosexual? Educate me, Brittany, please. So hobosexuals are individuals who they're looking, they're praying on that person to take care of them. In whatever capacity, whether it's living with them, you know, feeding them, all of those.

But they're actually living with you. I mean, do you have any insight to how someone becomes a homosexual? Like, do you have any thoughts about that? I don't get it, but they do it. It seems like it's really important to be independent to you. Yes, I would say independence is important to me. Maybe control is a better word? I don't know.

I guess kind of give me more insight what do you mean by in control. So I mean, so I was just looking at the stuff that you valued. Mm-hmm. Because you said like, you know, I want to be able to open my own door. I want to be able to, you know, have my own space. Like the thought of being dependent on someone. Oh, yeah. You know, so that's why I kind of like I was sort of thinking about you're looking at these homosexuals

and you're like there's like really no respect for them, which is fair enough. But then there's also like complete confusion. about how someone could be like that. Maybe complete confusion is too strong. No, no, no, I get what you. I get what you're on. But I was like, how do you think they get that way? And you're like, I have no idea.

I don't know. And so as I was listening to just the examples that you were saying, I was noticing how allergic you are to dependence. You know, and I don't mean that like a psychoanalytic. No, no, no, I get it. I understand where you're going now. You don't want to be beholden to anyone. And also, you don't want other people to be squatters taking advantage of

you. Yes. And so, so and when I think about dependence, like, yes, I could say I do not, I do not enjoy having to wait on someone to give me, you know, to give me things, right? Meaning that, I say, if I'm hungry, you know, and I'm communicating this, like, okay, well, we got to wait until this time. I'm like, I'm telling you I'm hungry now, right? But on a bigger scale, it's more or less of, I think, like I say, as much as I've gotten to the point of the independence, you also reach survivor mode, right? And you get to that point where it's just like, you have to do it on your own. If you want something done the correct way, you do it. If you want certain things, it's your job to strive for it, right? So again, I don't understand

the homosexual aspect because it's just like, what do you want? If you want to be stable, if you want to have this job, if you want to have these things, and why are you waiting on the next person to give it to you? But dependence is definitely something that I struggle with. Like, I do not enjoy having to wait on someone to, I guess, come through. And again, like, it's one of those things where, like, if you tell me you're going to do something, right? Let's say you tell me you're going to do something, like, and you've already given me the word,

you know, I can sit back on it. But if you don't follow through, then something in me is just like, Britain, you should have done it yourself. Does that make sense? It's a lack of trust. Yes. You can't trust what they're going to say. Right. Yeah.

So I noticed, I have a couple questions about some of the language that you use. Okay. So I think it's quite, I feel like I'm getting something really important from you. Okay. So one is you use this phrase, you know, whatever you accept early in the relationship is going to be like what, like this is. Yeah. Right. So can you tell me about, so it feels to me like you've learned.

Oh, I've learned a lot. So, you know, that's the feeling I get sitting with you. I get a feeling of wisdom. Yeah. You know, and this isn't just like what you get in your PhD. This is like life. Yeah, you've been through life and you have learned some really important lessons. And I hear it coming out in your language.

Okay. And so can you tell me where the story of how you learned, okay, whatever you accept on week one is what you're going to get later? Can you? And sometimes you don't. really see it on week one or whatever, but once you acknowledge that this is something that this person is doing and you don't like it, but you don't speak up and say nothing and it just flows, meaning like time passes by and then all of a sudden you want to make a big whore out of it. It's just like, but you didn't say nothing then, right? And so, you know, we just kind of go back to that aspect of

infidelity, right? And so people have many different definitions of infidelity, right? Like, some people's definition may be once they've slept with someone or kissed someone. My definition of infidelity is the exchange of communication. And what I mean by that is, you know, it's not no one, like if we're in an exclusive relationship, it's not another female's job to be checking on you, asking you how, you know, how you're doing, how's your day going, do you need anything? Now, we're not talking about mama, grandma, cousin. We're not talking about, you know, any familial kin relationship.

but another female who, again, may be seeking to, you know, go somewhere further with you. So, again, like I've had that to where, you know, I've seen text messages and, you know, social media messages asking about the day. Like, they can literally tell me where this person is and, oh, I'm going to meet you there. And I'm like, that to me is cheating. It's infidelity because it's like, why, how have you, why have you given this person this type of access to you? you. How did you, how did that become infidelity for you? Because it's entertaining. It's entertainment. Like, you're entertaining this person by constantly going back and forth, engaging in a conversation, whether it's a quick meetup to, oh, we want to get, you know, for your co-workers, it's going to go get Starbucks together. Like, it's still access to your life that I should be the only one possessing. So it just kind of came over time, was just like, oh, you kind of see this, you know, that's, well, for one, for me, I didn't see some of the things.

things at all. But once I saw, you know, just kind of seeing the progression of it, where it goes to you may see a message once, once that week, then all of a sudden it just starts to grow into three times. And then it just become a constant thing to where this person just feels comfortable texting and communicating with you or, you know, even the meetup. So again, that even if you haven't even made to the sexual act, that right there is considered infidel because you're giving this person access to you that they shouldn't have when you've already made the decision to be an exclusive relationship with one person. Well, so I was. curious because you use this word entertaining.

Yes. So what do you mean by that word? Because I think what I'm trying to get a sense of is it's clear to me that you're picking up on something. Yeah. That like moves it into the camp. But even when I offer this scenario and here's what's kind of confusing to me. And just because it's confusing to me, I think this is where we understand each other, right? Because I think you're picking up on something. But the odd thing to me is when you talk about exclusivity. And I sort of think. think about, okay, well, the maximum of exclusivity is to be married.

Oh. Right? So it's kind of weird because, and I'm not saying you're wrong or anything, this is just what I'm having trouble understanding. So, like, you know, so there are sometimes people say, well, okay, I'm talking to this person. Yeah. And then there are people saying, I'm dating this person. And then again, being married, right?

Like, those are three different levels. And I'm quite sure that people probably throw many other things in there. Yep. So talking to someone is just talking to them. Like, we, like, you have no, you and I have no ties to each other. meaning that, you know, if you want to go and, you know, communicate with every chick on your social media list, like, we're just talking. Like, I, like, we haven't had that conversation that is going to be exclusively, exclusively us, right? And that is the.

But that sounds like that would not be okay to you. The talking phase? Yeah. I mean, no, I don't, I think the talking phase just needs to be communicated that, hey, we're just talking. I think for me, I'm just big on communication. So, if we're just talking, then. we're just talking then we're just talking right so again i'm we may not hang out as much or anything of the sort um but again we're just talking to really can i clarify what i meant by that so what i'm

noticing talking to you brittany is that is that there is i think what you know is like fair and acceptable okay right which is like in the rules of the talking phase like obviously someone can talk to somebody else right isn't there maybe the people like that is the rules of that game and what i'm noticed is sitting with you and maybe this is what we're kind of getting to and i'm wrong here which is why i'm putting it out is that on an emotional level that doesn't seem like that's your vibe right like that that that really doesn't seem like i would be i think and you almost sort of indicated this that learning to talk to more than one person at a time is something like you really had to learn and kind of grow into right and that it feels

quite unnatural. It does. Yeah. And so when I say when you're not okay with, I don't mean, and this is something that I've observed with the people that I work with, is that the current culture of dating feels really unnatural to like 50% of people. Okay. Right?

And I know that I think I'm in the same bucket of like even if that's the rules, like I'm not saying that it's not okay to do that. I understand that's the rules of the game, but I don't like the rules of the game. Right. You know, and that's kind of the sense I'm getting from you. And that's I meant about you're not okay with it. Not that you're controlling or you wouldn't allow it or things like that. I think you've clearly indicated that you kind of had to adapt. Yes.

But that it doesn't feel natural. Right. And then I guess the other question that I had was I was trying to get a sense of, you know, there's some kinds of messages that you kind of see as like, okay, they're entertaining something. And I wanted to understand what you meant by that. So if we speak about the aspect of marriage, right? So I'm married to this person. You're entertaining someone. So entertaining this. someone is scheduling like meetups. Like why are you trying to go meet up with another female and you're married, right? You know, or...

What does a meetup mean? What is the word they use now? Like, does that mean just like physically meet someone? Like meeting someone for coffee or... No. Like a hookup. Like, yeah. Okay, that's what I was like...

No, like a hookup. Or, you know, basically the act to be sexual with them, right? Um, so it's, okay, yeah. Go ahead. I mean, so I, that's why I'm trying to understand the language because like to me, like, I don't know exactly what you mean by entertaining, but there, and is that something that's explicit or is that something that you're kind of reading between the lines? Oh, it's direct.

It's been direct. Okay. Okay. Can you give me an example of what that language would look like? I mean, I, it's not too much different than it was years before. Like, hey, let's meet up at this hotel. Hey, my wife is going to be out of town this weekend. Hey, you know, the kids.

Is it going to be gone like that? Oh, wow. Wow. Wow. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Wow.

Okay. So, I mean, that's quite explicit. Mm-hmm. Yeah, okay. That wasn't super clear to me. My bad. No, no, I think it's really not. It was just, you know, I don't know, I don't, I don't know what the kids are saying

nowadays. You know what I mean? So I think terminology has changed. The world has changed. I'm just trying to catch up. Yeah. Same here. I know.

And so tell me a little bit. You said, you said men are reluctant to communicate. Can you share a little bit more about that? I don't know if I overcommunicate. Okay. But I'm just, I'm a big communicator, right? Meaning that if I'm, and again, this is something that I had to learn. Because naturally, although, you know, I'm here, I'm truly an introvert,

meaning that I can leave out of here, go home and don't say nothing for the rest of the day and be just fine with it, right? but I just think that in order for you really know what you want what you're seeking and you know how that other person is feeling you have the how the other person is feeling you still need to be able to communicate ask your questions right I just feel like sometimes men are reluctant just just communicate you know what it is their feeling what is they're thinking they balled up for so long and then it explodes and it's just like but you never say anything right um but you know in the aspect of like say again with the dating like it's kind of like you know

know, oh, well, since she's not saying anything, her body posture is not, you know, I'm not reading, you know, that she wants to go the next step or anything. Like, you get what I'm saying? It's like you're making assumptions versus just communicating what it is that you want, what is that you're seeking. Can you tell me a little bit about this like, you know, this sounds like another life lesson that you've learned about like you didn't say anything or there was a lack of communication? Can you tell us a little bit about how that's how you, how you, I don't know, I guess, I mean, I'm trying to think of a better way to say this, but I can't, how you've been burned by that? I get the sense you've been burned.

Like, can you tell me a story? You know, let's just say we had a date plan. Okay. And, again, for me as a single parent, like, there's, it's not just going on a date. There's preparation. There's making sure kids are, you know, there's a sitter, you know, and then I have to make sure that food is made. So, like, there's work that I have to do before I can even get to the door, right? I got you.

And then. Pretty big investment. Very big investment. investment. And then only to get to the door or get to the car and then, oh, we need to cancel. Like, nothing? Like, you know, and so, for me, like, it's just, it's just kind of, in the beginning, you should be like, okay. And just gone, you know, why, you know, just gone back in the house and, you know, just let it be. But now I'm like, oh, sorry. No. So before we get to now, yeah, yeah, what happened next?

I mean, so because I said okay, it made him feel like it was okay, that, oh, it's not a big deal. And so it was just kind of like the night just went on, you know, whether we talked or not, because I didn't make a big deal out of it. He didn't see it as a big deal. And so it got to the point where it kind of continuously started. I mean, it kind of continued, right? Where it was just like all last minute, you know, changes in the plans. And again, just kind of like. Like what?

I mean, just like whether it was going out or meeting up somewhere or, um... Like, would it be like last minute cancellations or like I'm running late? It'll be last minute cancellations or even like, uh, I would say most of it was just really just last minute cancellations. Okay. So if it happened once, it's likely to happen again? I wouldn't, I would say it needs to be a pattern. But I'm just saying because I was just so content or like just, okay, like I didn't like, ask the questions like why or um you know hey like it's it's a process for me to even you know go on

this date like you understand that it took a lot of work for me to get here you you know you don't do you understand like what i have to go through to even ensure that i am this person presented for you and you can just last minute counsel like that took that's a toll on me and and now you communicate those things oh i communicate big time what does that look like um so uh like i I gave an example how a guy asked me on the day, we planned it like two weeks in advance because he wanted to go like that same night. And I was like, hey, it doesn't work that way for me. I do have children. They have stuff planned.

So, you know, but hey, I do have an opening on this day. And so we planned it out, planning everything out to the sea. Even like we were texting before I even left out the door. Keys was all set up and straight. Walk out the door, driving downtown Houston on. get there. And when we get there, again, he's at this point on the phone with me. Still just having the conversation looking forward to seeing each other. And get there, riding the scooter. So again, like the date has started. And he was like, well, hey, I need

to go and pick up my nephew. My sister just called me. I do like to resume this date. And I'm just sitting here like, so what am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to just stay here? and he was like, it's just not going, it's only like 15 minutes from here. And I said, okay, that's 15 minutes there and 15 minutes back. And that's if Houston traffic has not taken over. I say, but that's still kind of. So I asked the question, did you know that there was a possibility that you was going to have to go pick up your nephew? And he was like, yeah.

I say, so why didn't you communicate this prior to, you know, today, you know, prior to the date. And so he was just like, well, again, she didn't give me a time frame. But you knew what time we were going out, right? So at the end of the day, it's like you didn't take into consideration what I needed to do and what, you know, my plans that I had said that I may have had, may have moved to ensure that we got here. And only for you to tell me that you want me to sit downtown 30 to 40 minutes and wait on you, no, sir. And literally, I did not talk to him after that day. Yeah. So, I mean, I'm envisioning a scenario where it's like, okay, if I've got a date and my sister calls me and she's like, hey, I may need you to pick up my nephew.

you, I'd say, okay, I've got a date that's between six and nine. So if you need me to pick him up, I can do it before six. Yes. So that's what you're looking for. Yes, that's communicate. That's very direct. And again, like, I don't understand how that is hard, right? Yeah, so I'm curious.

I'm so curious about that. How do you think it is that you're encountering so many people who don't seem to know the basics? You know what? If I had to answer, I could tell you, but I don't know. And like I say, like the way that I'm, I, like, again, I consider myself a communicator, a good one at that. So, like I say, I've had instances where, again, people always ask me,

well, people have asked me out on a date on the same day. And I'm like, hey, I can't, you know. I would love to, but I can't, you know, so I don't understand. I don't know. Help me. So, Brittany, I have a question for you. It's kind of, it's a little bit of a harsh question, maybe. Okay.

Okay. And let me know if it feels out of line to you. I mean, honestly, mean, no disrespect by it. what do you think it's like to date you? I think it may be a little tough. And the only reason why I say that is because when you become, for me, becoming a single mother, like, I not only think for myself, I have to think for my children, right?

And what I mean, I'm not saying like I'm in school with them, right? But it's just like I am the schedule holder, right? the chef, the maid, the chauffeur. I am all of these different roles, right? And so for someone to come into my life, they need to understand what that looks like, right? Meaning that time is not always available, right? I can't just drop whatever I'm doing

to just go out on a date. And I'm not saying that I don't want to spend time with you, but what I'm saying is that for me, like, things have to be scheduled, right? So you've seen all of these highlights of things that you like, right? These guys seeing things that they like, and they are feeling like, oh, we can just come in and just. And I'm like, no, no, I would think that you would have a sense of responsibility to take some of the load off of me, not add to it. I think I'm starting to understand.

Okay, I have a couple of thoughts that I just love to share with you. I sort of had this list of questions. I still want to ask those questions, but I'm really getting excited about the direction where this is going. And I may be a little bit more challenging towards you if that's a bit. Okay, please let me know if you feel disrespected. It's honestly not my intent. My intent in this moment is figuring out what it's like, first of all, to be a single mom. Okay.

And dating and the challenges that y'all face because they seem astronomical. So here's my first thought. So dating you in the way that you want to be dated, not saying that you don't deserve it or anything like that, is like a pretty big mountain to climb. You know, I think you're asking for a lot, and I'm not placing judgment on that, right? But like, you know, because you do have to invest a lot. Right. Right. So going on a date, which I can totally empathize with, I totally get what you're saying.

You have had to do the work of two, right? And you're not going to let your kids, you're not going to let the standard to which kids be raised drop by even 1% because there is one parent doing it. I feel that from you very strongly. Church, extracurriculars, moms managing the website, you've got a PhD, you've got a background in social work. So you have to do it all. You are superwoman. Right?

Yeah. And so entering into a life that you have had to craft is not easy. Right. It's almost like, so if people really understand what a relationship with you looks like and what it takes, they're able to estimate accurately what it takes. Yeah. And what it takes is a lot. Therefore, if you're more accurate at estimating, it's going to lower your willingness to

enter. Does that kind of make sense? Loing the man's willingness to enter? Yeah. So like, let's say like, I'm listening to you. And I feel like I have a pretty good sense of what we're talking about, right? So it's like, I mean, it's a lot. It's going to be the time that I get with you is going to be very limited.

Okay. The time that I get with you is going to be fourth on the list. Right? So first is going to come your kids, then is going to come your job, then is going to come some combination of the stuff that you are not willing to sacrifice for something temporary. Okay. You kind of get what I'm saying?

Okay. And let me know if this, this. Well, I mean. I guess I'm trying to, well, the aspect of fourth on the list, because even with that, like, say, a lot of that is just, like, the communication, the communication is never avoided through any of this, like, stage, right? Meaning just because I can't meet up with you, like, every week, right? Doesn't mean that, like, I'm not giving my all with being able to find that time to speak with you, right? And even if the date or even the meetup could be in passing, hey, I'm on my way to go and get the kids, but I have to. the past here like hey let's be here for 30 minutes.

Sometimes those little things can be thrown in there, but it just does, it won't look like a three or four hour date every time. Right? Okay. But the communication throughout this whole process is still happening, whether it's text, it's calls, it's FaceTime. All of that is still there, especially with the way the technology is now. Like, it's still there.

I think the challenge that I'm seeing is that sometimes there's a lack of creativity, right? There's a lack of creativity in understanding, okay, well, she made. physically can't be there, but how can I still reach out to her or speak with her in the means of not being face-to-face on occasions, right? But then I also communicated that sometimes there's seasons, right? So there's a season, there are seasons in my life where the kids are not in sports, right? Sure. So my evenings on the weekdays may be more free. But then can you accept that following season when, hey, I'm go, go, go, mom. Does that make sense? Yeah, absolutely. So it's that. Yeah, so I can see, I mean, I think that that sort of, so I think the people who understand how to plug into your life, right, someone who is able to make those calculations plan in that way, right?

Understands what that looks like. Right. And so, and I get what you're saying. I think there's another point here about communication where I'm just thinking about if I can like disclose a bit. You know, when I think about a romantic relationship, I'm with you that three or four hour dates are not in the cards on a daily basis that you have responsibilities. You've got a life.

And I see how you go the extra mile in communication to maintain that connection. Right. In between those times. Right. Right. I think the challenge is maintaining the connection. What I want to do is hold your hand every day. Okay.

You know, like when I think about a romantic relationship, and I'm just sharing my personal opinion, I totally get that you're, and I can see how you really do go the extra mile in every dimension. And that that's sort of the best that you can do. And I'll also get the sense of the bind that you're in, that you can't make compromises on the life that you've built for someone who's temporary.

Right. You're asking someone to plug themselves into, what you already have going on. But I think as you get older, like the plugins are different because your, your mindset is different. In the 20s, yeah, you want to hold heads. And 30s, you're just like, wait, is what, you know, are you working towards your 401K and retirement funds?

Like, we don't have time to be holding hands. You know, it's, I think the age of what you date is different to. I'm with you. Okay. So I think the reason I wanted to go down this track is because I was trying to figure out, like this is maybe a bit judgmental and a bit unfair, but like, why do you keep on attracting dead beats? You know what? I've been trying, I've been asking myself this same question. I don't know. And I, I've had this conversation with my dad. I've had this conversation with my

friends. And it's just like, what is it? And like I say, I really feel like it's the people, the people who see me are the people who want to just come in and rest. Like, like they see peace. They see peace in my life. They see like functionality. They see the things that they want. and they just want to just come and just think they just been to come sit on the couch like we have in this conversation. It's very rare that I meet someone who actually is probably like working on their own projects, working on themselves and want to like, you know, kind of already have their thing going. Like I don't know. It's very, very rare. I have no idea.

But yes. Yeah. So I think you stumbled on one thing that I think is very, you know, because there are the homosexuals, right? Yeah. So I think there's a group of people who look. So I work, I used to say predominantly with young men, but I think that's changed. But I've worked with a lot of young men who are addicted to video games and pornography. Okay.

And so these are like, you know, 25, 28, 31, 35 living at home, unemployed, you know, mom and dad are still paying the bills and things like... Not okay. Not okay, sure. But, you know, I work with, unfortunately, too many young men and young women and older men, and older women, to be honest, who are looking for one of their partners to be their parent. Yeah.

No, yes. So, yes, that is definitely it. So they look at your life, they see your stability. They're like, oh my God, here's a woman who's organized. Yes. Who can cook and cling?

Yes. I don't have to do that labor, right? Which a lot of times, it's really interesting how I had to learn how to do it because I wasn't taught how to do it. It was actually kind of interesting that we were, how I was socialized and how I was raised. Okay.

That's a, we can get into that if you want. Honestly, if you want to talk about it, I'm happy to share. But so I think that's a piece of it. I think you attract the homosexual. Yeah. But I think the second thing is the ones who literally, and I think this is the, it's a bit tricky and hopefully I can explain it. But so when I look at your life, I see that it's having a relationship with you, I think is

not simple. Let's put it that way. Okay. It requires a fair amount of planning. Requires a fair amount of organization. requires a high level of communication. And I think once, if I have the ability to know that, right? If I know that, then I can appropriately communicate.

I can understand that when I have a date with Brittany and it's scheduled two weeks out, that she's going to get a sitter. She has to cook dinner for her kids, that she is going to be paying $150 to even attend the date. Yes. Right? Like so in order for me to have basically, in psychiatry we call this frontal lobe, like the ability to plan and execute like long-term

tasks, then I, if I'm accurately able to assess that, I'm also accurately able to assess what it takes, which is actually quite a bit. Whereas if I'm, in my frontal lobes are underdeveloped, if I'm kind of this happy, go lucky, like live by the moment. Free flowing people. Then I don't understand. No, they don't. And if I don't understand how what I, what it takes to date you and I'm not trying to be judgmental there. If I don't understand that, then it won't, then I won't run away from it. Does that make sense? And run away maybe is a strong word, but like, I think that when I'm sitting with you,

you seem very capable. And I really do what I get from you the most powerfully sitting with you today is that you've had to carve a life that normally takes two people and you're carrying that on your own. And that's a lot. I mean, it's an amazing achievement. But I don't know if this makes sense. The people who are accurately able to assess what it takes to date you also are accurately

able to assess that it takes a lot. And the people who are unable to assess it don't see what it takes are the ones who are more likely to give it a shot because they don't realize, okay, this is going to take a lot. Right. Does that kind of make sense? Yeah. And I mean, you can also just put it in simple, I mean, in lame's term. You can put in this.

Please help me. I can just put it in a lame's term is that, you know, yes, I've built this life. And again, it's came with sacrifices, blessed with tears. Like, this wasn't easy. You know doctor program isn't, it's not your friend, right? But just to understand, like, you have to come with seeking, you have to come knowing that you want elevation on your own, right? And there are some people who do not want to elevate in life. They are okay with where they are.

They are content with how their life is going. Those are the people that I typically meet. But when we're talking about the aspect of elevation, to me, someone who's like seeking to grow in different aspects of their life because again that's what we're doing as we're aging we're supposed to be still growing like still wanting things for ourselves so when you think about the aspect of wanting i mean still seeking elevation if you to meet a guy who's still wanting to elevate their life in any type of capacity i feel like they would understand it because again they understand that they need to plan those things out for themselves that you know there's no there's no book that's going to tell you how to do it you know as much as we you know talk to our friends it's a it's like we still got to put in the work. I'm trying to get a sense. So another thing that I'm sort of getting from you is a fair amount of rigidity. Now that is a that is a word that I think has a negative connotation and I use it on purpose.

I mean, I use it on purpose. And hopefully, and I sometimes share things that have a negative connotation. I respect you. I honestly do and I hopefully are getting that. But I'm noticing how things are a certain way, which I, you know, I see it coming out in ways that are absolutely positive. So you have to be highly organized. You wake up at 5 a.m.

You get home at 8 p.m. Getting a doctoral degree while it's not clear who was financially supporting your kids during that time you were. Me. Right? So working and getting a doctoral degree at the same time is hard enough without kids. Exactly. So I totally see that. And part of what I do in my job is see things that are adaptive and maladaptive.

right so that's where that rigidity is coming from so you have to be highly organized but i'm noticing that that you're in the more i talk to you i think you know it seems to make sense but i i get a certain sense from you that it's hard for you to see things in a different way not that you won't adapt i think this is a really common misconception because i think i have a feeling that if you had someone that that you are actually willing to compromise I don't get the sense that you're like a hard ass. No, I'm not. But I think it's really hard for you to see things from somebody else's perspective.

Okay. So just as a simple example, when you talk about texting is communication, I consider texting to be a burden. Okay. Okay. And I think a lot of, maybe it's dudes, I don't know, I'm not sure if there's a gender divide here. And what I'm sort of thinking is I'm sort of putting myself,

and I've talked to like men, you know, And it's like, you know, do I want to text someone for two weeks in order to see them for one date? Well, I mean, I'm not. So when we go back to that aspect of texting, texting is a form of communication. So I'm not saying that I'm texting you just for two weeks straight. Like, no, again, like I said, the creativity, the face time, the calling on the phone and texting. Like all of those things are, again, will work, right? And again, like I said, if we schedule the date, we schedule the date to where, again, it may not be.

then that same week just depend on what their schedule is. But, you know, if an option becomes open, then, you know, it becomes open. But it's like, you know, it does suck sometimes saying no, right? That you don't, that I don't have the time. But then it's just that part of just like, I don't have to answer to nobody. You know, or I don't, I don't feel obligated to respond. You know, it's, you know, so when you think about that part of dating. What do you mean you don't feel obligated to respond?

Like, there's just certain times where. it's just like, again, just kind of going to that first, where you're just talking to someone, like, I don't, if I just don't feel like responding, I just won't respond, like, meaning like, I just don't feel like talking. Like, I have moments. I just, just, because my mind is always just on the go, I just have moments I just don't feel like talking, right? And so, because I'm not dating, I don't feel obligated to do anything.

Does that make sense? So it makes perfect sense. Okay. And that actually can, I'm sorry, go ahead. No, no, I'm just saying, like, because I'm not. dating, like, because I'm like not dating now, it's just like you built, like I've built this, this, this, I don't know what you want to call it, but it's like, I'm doing things on my own terms. I know what time I'm getting home, right? Like I know all these things because I've been

doing them for so long. Like it's become a pattern. So it's like thinking about the aspect of dating, it's like, ugh, like I'm having to do something different. So I think that has kind of getting into your own. What is that? Ugh. It's just like, why? got to change it. Like, yeah, you're just like, I'm okay right now, you know. And so to kind of working with trying to get out of that and going into dating is its own barrier too. You're having to get out of yourself because you've been so used to just doing things on your own terms. So what I'm hearing there, let me just make sure I got you. What I'm hearing there is like, you know, you've had ups and downs and right now things are working. Dating means

disturbing your peace, losing ground on the chance that something will happen down the road, that will be better. Yes, or someone wasting your time. Yes. And so that, that I think comes through a lot. I think it speaks to a really common challenge that people have, right? Which is that early on in a relationship, you have to have a really good reason to sacrifice your stability.

The thing I got to be, I'm going to share my own reaction. for a second. So, you know, when you were talking about, oh, it doesn't actually be time. It can be this. I was like, oh, my God. What? So here's my, here's a different perspective. Okay. And this may not be, I'm not saying like I speak for man or whatever. This could be me. Okay. But like, you know, I'm thinking about when I was long distance with my wife. Okay. And we weren't married then. But like, when I'm in a committed relationship, when I'm already in a committed relationship, that's, is what makes me be okay with that level of communication. Okay.

Right? So that intensive communication without, for lack of a better term, payoff, and I don't mean like just sexually or anything like that, right? So I'm with this person to be with this person. And it's not, I, and this is what's hard. I'm not saying I speak for men or anything like that. And this could just be me. But it seems like there's a pretty high communication burden early in the relationship.

and that communication is really important to you. Okay. You know, what do you think about that? I can see where you're coming from in, like, saying the aspect, especially like lone distance to date, because, I mean, that is definitely hard. I've tried that once. Yeah, so I definitely get that.

I just think that it comes to the territory. I don't know any way to kind of, I don't know any way to really sugarcoat that, right? It comes with the territory because, again, it's not me stalling, right? It's not me saying that it's, again, like there are other people who are involved in those other people are my children, right? So, you know, especially with the aspect of dating, they still come first. They come first, right?

So there's no way to kind of go around that, right? So I'm a bit confused about how, so just a quick thing, just a flag for you. So it comes with the territory. Yeah. That is that rigidity that I've. was noticing. Yeah. Right.

That's the way it is. Right. I'm not disagreeing that that is the right judgment to make. Like I'm not making a value judgment. I'm simply pointing out that, you know, sitting with you and hearing the phrase. So like imagine you're dating someone and they say it comes with the territory. Yeah. How would you respond?

Like how would that phrase if you heard that make you feel? I mean, for me you have to be more specific in whatever that territory is. But that's still allowing that person to make a decision. Do they want to be in that territory? Absolutely, absolutely, absolutely. But you're communicating that, right? Like, if I know that you take care of a, if you take care of one of your elderly parents, right? And again, you have someone during a day while you go to work and then you got the night shift.

Again, your availability is cut short. Yep. I have to, as me making, yeah, but it's me making a decision. Like, am I okay with certain evenings not being able to see this person because of, you know, his current. responsibilities. This is my responsibility. We're not talking about kids who 18 who's sitting in my my house doing nothing. We're talking about kids who are still in grade school. So again, like that open communication allows another person to determine, are you okay with this? Makes a lot of sense. Can you, can you navigate this life? Understanding that we may not be able to see each other throughout

the week like that. But I do still want to get to know you. So the compromise, or not even said to compromise, the other part of is it's still saying like I still want to get to know you, although these things could be a barrier, right? Well, I don't want to say that as a barrier, but just could be... No, I think that's the right phrase. It could be a barrier, right? But, I mean, I think could be a barrier. Yeah.

And I totally get that you're transparent about it, right? So, like, you don't want to be deceptive. Right. And say, like, hey, I'm down for whatever, whenever I'm flexible. No, you're letting people know what the territory is. But I'm also saying that my situation is not the only situation, right? So what is it? What I'm saying is like me being a single parent and having to take care of my kids,

you know, there may be other situations out there that comes with, you know, again, they're, you know, taking care of someone or even just. But whatever it is, like you're communicating, hey, you know, I do want to get to know you, but here is the thing that's going on right now. You know, are you going to be okay with it or not? And again, like maybe you don't, maybe if you don't even know now, let, you know, some time passed. And as we are, you know, trying to navigate this through text,

FaceTime or, you know, to where we can't actually meet up, are you still okay with it? You kind of doing those check-ins because I think the worst thing to experience is being ghosted because the person just did not want to communicate versus just, you know, like just saying, like, hey, I'm just really not comfortable with it or, hey, I'm struggling with this, right? So I'm just saying that me being a single parent may not be the only thing. And like, and maybe catch me from wrong, like when I think about the aspect of gamers, Like they spend hours. Hours, right?

So let's say if I run into a gamer, right, someone who gaming is their lifestyle. But I happen to meet them outside somewhere, maybe at somewhere to get drinks, right? And we're kicking it up, you know, we're getting drinks or whatever. And, you know, we exchange numbers. We want to continue the conversation. It was a good conversation. You know, telling someone that you're a gamer, that doesn't, it doesn't automatically give the thought that someone. somebody spending 12 to 15 to maybe 20 hours a day, like it doesn't give you that thought.

Because I can tell you I'm a gamer. I own game, PlayStation's and, you know, my Nintendo switches, but I play them when I have the time, right? Yeah. So the definition of a gamer could be different in the eyes and the ears of a person who's hearing it, right? But, you know, as that conversation is going, but then it's just like, oh, well, hey, I don't to hit you back because I'm playing this game. What you mean?

Like, wait, you're taking away time for me because you're playing a game. because again, the definition of it may not have clicked. If someone were to say that, how would you understand that? I don't know. Again, my face expression was just like, you would rather spend time playing a game than actually, like, talking to me or whatever. So I would be confusing and, like, at that point,

you need to explain to me that gaming is something that's your form of income, you know, or that is how you, you know, do certain things. So from that, it's just like, at that point, I make a decision. hey like well me ask the questions what does gaming look like for you you know is that what you ask huh no i'm giving you a whole scenario this never happened yeah yeah yeah no but but that is what i would ask like what is gaming look like for you you know is it just like same thing with people who does day trading what does day trading look like for you you're waking up at 3 a.m and then you may not get the computer computer to 9 a.m so i know those first six hours of day i can't talk to you because

you know talking with your people so it's again it's the communication And again, you give me that person the opportunity to accept, you know, if they want to. Brittany, what are you looking for? What do you mean? What are you looking for? It's super clear what you're not looking for. So if we go back to the beginning conversation of like me being active, I'm looking for someone who's God-fearing, right? You know, active in the church.

You know, like I am a Christian. and, you know, someone who looks to God for answers, they look for, you know, the men of the community of God, the community of the church for answers, right? So whenever we're having our disagreements, you're not, you know, looking for your homeboy who believed that, oh, you should have a whole bunch of chicks lined up. Like, no, right?

But even with that, again, someone who understands that it took a while for me to build this life and build it to the point that there is peace, you have to bring peace with you, too. someone who is self-driven, you know, I would say career-driven as well. And again, like I say, I understand certain careers, like certain things happen where you may have to change a career, but you're working on it, right? Yeah. What I'm really getting from you is direction.

Yeah. Like someone who has direction. Yeah. Like I've been driving this suburban. I want to hand over the steering wheel. Really? Yes. I want to be a passenger princess too.

I want to be able to like, you know, hey, you know what, I'm going, the boys got a game today. I'm going to go to the game and I'm going to pick them up and I bring them back home. Like, I get a chance to go home and just sit. Sorry, I hit the mic. You know, like, I get a chance to get me time too. Like, I have no problem handing over the wheel. But the times that I have have let me know that, again, that dependence thing has been an issue. Because when I do hand over the wheel, it ends up back in mind.

Yeah, tell me about that. So I guess the way to kind of condense it is. you thought you saw what you wanted. And when you recognize that once you got there, that it requires consistent work, because again, it's easy to do the work in the beginning. It's when life starts to happen, whether it's, you know, family issues or work issues.

And then you're trying to navigate that and then trying to figure out everything that's going on at home. Like some people just really struggle with trying to navigate different, like, aspects of the life that may be challenging, challenging aspects of their life and they just like, you know what? Well, she got that. Let me just make sure.

Let me get this together. And I'm like, oh, no. Can you give me an example? I'm having trouble envisioning. So let me throw the next cat out of the bag. Okay. I've been married twice. Okay.

Okay. So in relation to my first marriage, it was like the moment that tragedy would hit, whether it was like losing the job, losing the parents. you know, automatically it was just like, well, Britain's going to take care of it because I'm, let me deal with this one thing. Like, like, let me deal with losing, you know, let me deal with, let me deal with grieving on my own. Let me deal with the whole aspect of my job, whereas, you know, just that's the own, that's the, that's the, that's the only tunnel that they see.

Not worrying about like, you know, how it impacted, like how those same situations impacted the household. So where, again, that both of us can work on that. You know, again, like, yeah, you lost a parent, but, you know, that was a father-in-law to me, too. You know, we hung out, we spent time together. We've had conversations. So I'm grieving as well, but we still have to be functional, right? And so I think about that or... Can I ask one or two questions about that?

Go ahead. So, like, what I'm getting the sense of is not that they, like, became just hanging out on the couch, but that they sort of started isolating, maybe throwing themselves into work. throwing themselves into whatever it is. It could be thrown himself into the grief. You know, or yeah. And so there wasn't a sense of togetherness. None.

When tragedy struck. Yes. So when tragedy struck, it was just like, okay, I'm going to deal with this component. Brittany is going to deal with all of this. And again, that is going to be, that now becomes a barrier because it was just like when you think about what you were already dealing with, what you were, I mean, what was already, like, what was already dispersed as partnership. Like what someone, like the responsibilities that this person have now has also went down the hole, right? So meaning like he was picking up the kids.

Now I'm back to picking up the kids. So now that me time that I once had is now gone. Or, you know, us going together to family events now went to me taking the kids to family events. Now my family is giving me the 21 questions about why they're not there, right? Like you now start taking on the burden of the issues that has come about. about and their sense of reality is gone. So this is so interesting because, you know, part of the reason we're doing this is because, like, I want to understand.

Okay. And what's fascinating about this is my wife has complained to me about this. Okay. This very thing. Okay. That, you know, there's a lot of like shared responsibilities that I don't think about that she kind of takes care of. So it's really interesting to hear.

And I haven't really understood that 100% until actually listening to you. So thank you for that. No problem. Can you tell me a little bit about like how. long these episodes would last? There's no time frame. It really depends on the person. No, but in your case.

Oh, in my situation? Oh, the grieving situation. That one was a tough one. That one never really ended. So what was the beginning of the relationship? How did y'all decide to get married? What did that look like? I think that both of our lives were at a high.

Okay. And what I mean is that before I met him, And before I had my twins, I already had my master's degree. So I was, you know, working in my field, you know, just kind of just living life, right? He was, again, he had a job. Things were going well. And it's like, it was going well. It was like we were, it was crazy because like when my kids were younger, I could actually date more because they wasn't into stuff, right?

But I just think everything was just really just flowing. going well we were able to go out you know just be on the phone we didn't stay too far from each other so it was a high and then grief came in so then y'all got married yes we got married so i'm sorry did you have kids before you got married yes i had i had my twins and he had he already had his daughter yes okay okay so um we had already yeah we both had already had kids already um but yeah i would say both of our lives were at a high that we were you know interesting yeah and then like i say one tragedy hit, you know, the grief, the losing of the job. So he lost someone or?

Yeah, he lost his dad and then he lost his job. Right. And again, I, do you think one was connected to the other? Yeah, the grief, the grief stopped him from being functional at work. Got it. Okay. But the whole time, like, you know, the support was still there, bills were still paid. So, like, nothing that I was, my responsibilities didn't change. nor did like what we were doing change but then he started isolating you know not wanting to be he wanted to be with his family like his you know his like his people but when it came down to like

like holidays and family events he just kind of like didn't want no parts of it um he just really just started isolating so if it wasn't work he'll come home and just sit there if i find it do you think he could have been depressed I do and again definitely we uh worked on seeking counseling we actually did get counseling. I just think that I don't know. I think there was some, this is my thought.

I believe that there was some underlying things that never got resolved with the, with his dad, that just, so it was just like, again, the focus on the marriage, the relationship just kind of just went downhill.

And what did that look like towards the end? Like, can you show, like, so it sounds like he's not coming to family events. It sounds like he's not working. Well, eventually he did. It took him like six months. Okay. And then he started back working.

You know, again, I felt like at some point he felt like he was really trying to work through the grief. But then it just got to the point where it was just like, well, oh, and he actually told me this. Like, basically when I would make him mad or we didn't agree on things, he felt like he needed to reach out to someone else, aka entertaining other women. And so, yeah. Oh, was there infidelity? Yes. Yeah. Oh, my God.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. So, again, if that's where you want to be, you know, if, because for me, infidelity says that this person can't give me what I need. Because, again, it's not just the sex. It's, again, the conversation, the, so for me, that screams to me, this person is not giving you what you need. So, okay. Yeah. What I'm struck by is how supportive you were of him when he needed help.

So through the grief, it's not like y'all are all staying home. You're still taking the kids to family events. The six months where he's not working, the bills are getting paid. Yep. Still went out on dates and everything. And still went out on dates. You mean you and him? Yeah.

We still, yes, we still went out on dates, still did stuff, still travel and all that. He starts to get his stuff together and then tells you that he's, what does he actually communicate to you? That he's. I actually got a confession letter. Oh, my God. A two-page confession letter. And in summary, it was basically him communicating that this wasn't what he really wanted. After that whole time of being together, like the dating part and the marriage, that this wasn't the life that he wanted to be a parent to my sons.

Oh, my God. Mm-hmm. I mean, I see you smiling, but I don't, there's a lot of hurt there. Well, I mean, especially like when it happened. Like, nobody intentionally marries to get divorced, right? Of course. And I also feel like to get married is you also saying that I am going to fight for you, you know, I'm going to fight for this relationship. Whatever it is that I need to do to get myself together, you know, to pick myself up or, again, to ensure that like, you know, you know,

the burden is not thrown on you, I'm going to do it. That's what I hear when I think of marriage, right? And again, even though I've been married twice, I'm not anti-marriage. I'm just anti-people. But there was no fight. The confession letter told me, I'm, you're a good person, you're a great woman, but this is not the life that I want to fight for. So I can smile now, but yeah, it was very hurtful then, right?

And like I say, I've had to, you know, work through him even trying to navigate himself until my life recently. Wait, what? Yeah. Like, yeah, that was some time ago where, you know, you're trying to come back into my life. Coming around again? Multiple times. Yeah.

And it was just like, so I didn't you understand that this. Huh? How do I get from it? No, how do you understand why he's coming back right? Yeah. Oh, I again, like, for me, I see that. And he's communicated that, you know, he hasn't had a serious, real relationship since us.

You know, he hasn't, like, again, that sense of peace, stability, like, he didn't have those things. Wow. So he doesn't know what he lost. Yes. Or now he does. Oh, yeah, now. Yeah. But even then, I think he recognized it very quickly.

Like, I want to say after we do, we were still going through the divorce process and he was trying. I was just, he was trying to get back with him. And I'm like, but you didn't do any work. You refuse to go to counseling. you refuse to make these little changes. So all I'm doing is accepting what you've already been doing. I'm just sitting with this for a second. I think it's, it's, there's so much in that story.

Yeah. I mean, I think it's quite remarkable how easy it is for something like that to break someone. I'm blown away about who you've become. I mean, it was tough. And like I say, when I got married the second time, It was like three, my daughter. Yeah, it was three years after the divorce, but I started dating him a year later.

And I really felt like at that point, I didn't fully do the work for myself when I got the second marriage again, why I ended so quickly and it didn't really, it didn't bother me like the first one. But for me now, like there's just certain things I just won't deal with, right? So again, we talk about that communication growth. Like, I did not communicate what my,

issues were or, you know, the things that I saw could be an issue or barrier or like whatever I saw a problem with. And as time started flowing, I mean, as time went on, again, by the time I got to my second marriage, and even now, I'm, I'm, no, we're not doing this. Like, it is, I am very direct. I don't know how to sugarcoat. I don't know how to bring it slow. Break it to you slowly. No, no, this right here, this is not okay. Like, it's literally that. Yeah. So, I, I, Alan mentioned to me that you had had a relationship recently that had some communication issues or something. I think he mentioned something about you were dating someone and then they, something about like y'all used to split the bill. Oh, okay, yes.

Yeah, can you fill me in on that? So this is someone that I met after my second marriage. So I want to say for going on two. So we had knew each other from years ago, connected with each other on Instagram. and the, you know, we wanted to go out. Well, he asked me out. And he was, I appreciate his communication. He said, you know, this is our first time going out, get a chance to know each other.

Are you okay with going Dutch? And I said, sure. What is going Dutch mean? Basically where we pay our own way. Sure. Right. No matter where we went, we paid our own bill. Right.

And so going on, we did that for almost two years, right? And there was, I mean, we would go many places and he paid his way. I paid my way. But at some point, I don't remember when, like he started paying, like paying the bill, right? So he would cover for both of us. So again, here go me. I'll make sure I cover too, right? Because I don't know what's going on, but you're not saying anything,

but your first communication to me is that you want to go Dutch. So at no point did he ever navigate the change in the, the previous arrangement. But, I mean, to the point where we went to a concert, like Lily bought concert tickets, hey, can you get a sitter? You know, I want to take you here. I found a sitter. And again, the season where my kids wasn't in sports.

But just saying it to say, it's like, going on almost two years, like, we did, you know, we went Dutch or, again, he paid or I pay, whatever the case may be, but still no communication about, like, let's move forward or anything like that. So, um, yeah, I was curious. So, so you said he started paying, you guys made an agreement to go Dutch. And then how many months before he's, I mean, I want to say some months had passed. I had to been at least over six. Okay, six months. And then he, y'all are at dinner or something and he just pays. And then how did you feel when he did that? Oh, no. So I had my credit card ready.

Okay. And he was like, no, I got it. And I say, you sure? Like, I can just cash up. And he was like, no, I got it. And I said, okay. So, So this is me saying like, I want to let you know that I don't go anywhere without money, but, you know, there's no expectation of me thinking that you're going to cover. But if need be, I will, you know, cover because that's what we originally agreed on. So that means that I never accepted a date or accepted a time to go out if I knew I couldn't cover my side. Right. But I didn't think nothing of it. Like with him deciding to just randomly to, you know, start paying. But I asked the question.

And he's like, you sure? And he was like, yeah, I got it. okay, I didn't think I needed to go, like, I didn't feel like I needed to be the one to ask the question, like, okay, what's happening now that the payment arrangement has changed? I didn't think it was that severe, but I still kept it, I still kept my stance as if I accept to go somewhere, I'm paying my part or, and even like I say, with dating for me, if I ask you out on a date, I'm paying. And I can kind of tell, like certain times we would go out that he was trying to check the temperature on where I was at with dating.

And I was honest as could be, but at the same time, he never made the move. And then eventually just... What does that mean to check the temperature? Check the temperature means like, okay. I know metaphorically what does that look like? Like, he'll ask me, like, he literally asks me like, you know, so what are your thoughts on dating now that you've been divorced this long? Or, you know, could you see yourself dating someone?

or could you see yourself in their relationship? Like, he would ask those questions. And I would tell him like, I would tell him, yeah, I can. And again, like I said, I would tell them like, hey, but here's my struggle, you know, or here are the things that, you know, could be of a barrier. But if someone can accept that, you know, that's cool. And so I want to say I probably was asked those set of questions maybe four times. So for me in my head, I think that he wants to move forward.

But that's not on me to make the statement because you're the one who said the original terms of the agreement. So he never made the switch. He never communicated whether he wanted more or, you know, wanted to move forward to actually dating exclusively or anything like that. So I don't know.

Eventually at some point, it just stopped. Like we just stopped. It wasn't on bad terms or anything. We just stopped hanging out. I think the last interaction that we had was he wanted to go to this spot that had just opened. And again,

for me being that planner, it was like the place that he wanted to go to was closer to my job. But he wanted me to drive to his place so that he can drive us there. And I say, but that's taking time, right? That when you think about just Houston traffic, that time from here to to you to there, that's a wasted almost two hours, right, when I still have a certain time that I have to go pick up my kids. And again, he's aware. He was very well aware of what time the daycare clothes and stuff like that. So I was like, hey, can I just meet you there?

and he was like, well, that's not really what I wanted. And I say, I understand that, but I am 30 minutes away from where you're trying to go. I have to drive 45 minutes to get to you, only for you to drive 45 minutes the hour to get there. And we're talking about traffic time. So it just doesn't make economically sense to do all of that when, again, the goal was to see each other. How does it matter how I get there? And we didn't end up going. And he made a big deal about it.

Well, I just didn't appreciate that. you know, you couldn't, you know, go out your way to do it. I'm not, I'm not saying no to the date. What I'm saying no to is the extra driving. It didn't make any sense if the end goal was to be, you know, to be at this place. And I want to say like some days had passed, like we hadn't talked. And again, my mind, we're going Dutch. I'm not obligated to respond or do anything, right?

And then finally he opened up and said, you know, how he felt about it. And it was just like. And how did he feel about it? Again, his feelings was that he didn't like the fact that I didn't make that trip, right? And that I had to eventually end up counseling it because it didn't make sense, like for me to do all this extra driving. And ever since then, like, he's really stuck on that. And we just stopped talking ever since. And so what was your understanding about why he was upset about that?

I think it has something to do with, I don't know the best. way to phrase this, but like, I think it's the, because he was a gentleman. You know what I'm saying? Like, so it was, so most of some, we've had some dates where I've driven to him and, you know, he's driven us there, right? So I don't know if that's what he has become accustomed to and that's just his preference. But for me, it's like, I'm not saying no all the time. I'm saying it did make sense this time, right?

So I think that I don't know if that, I don't, I don't. don't know how to say it, but it's just like his preferences wasn't met or like, I don't know if it, I don't want to say it made him feel less like a man, but you get what I'm kind of going to where it's just like, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what he wanted or that's what made sense for him to, you know, open and close the doors and, you know, for me to, I guess to ride with him, but I'm like, it's 530 traffic in Houston. Like, we're not getting anywhere, you know, in a feasible time. So why do all of this if you know I have to be somewhere at a particular time? and I can just meet you there.

Thank you for sharing that. Yeah. I had kind of one, I mean, I sort of forgot what I wanted to ask because I've just been following the conversation. I had one kind of main question I still want to ask you. So honestly, I was a bit surprised to hear you say that you want the princess treatment. Yeah. And I realized, oh, I shouldn't have been. you know because I and you'd made another you mentioned earlier that you know if you're in

relationships with someone you don't want them to add to your stress ideally they would even help with it right so the purpose of a relationship and this is what's really interesting if you look at the three most important things in a relationship according to research one of the three is it should be a date should be a break from someone's every day. day life. Yes, I agree. So, you know, like a lot of people who, and if a date becomes more trouble than it's worth, basically, it doesn't lead to attraction and people don't fall in love and all kinds of stuff. So can you tell me a little bit about, you know, when you say you want the princess treatment, can you just tell me about that? Well, I mean, it's kind of like you said earlier,

this is a life that you had to build. Yeah. It wasn't a choice. Yeah. I didn't choose to be a single mother. I didn't choose to be a divorcee. Like, like life happened. And so, Because of that, like, this is what came from it. This is the product of what came from all of those different things that has come about. So for me, it's like, who, you know, who doesn't want the opportunity to, like, again, give up some things, like, give up some duties, right? Like, right now, I drive a lot, right? It would be nice to not have to, right? It would be nice to, you know, to receive the roses,

how the roses are sitting at your door. It would be nice to have that thoughtful card, maybe sent to your job or, you know, that thoughtful message sent to you. You know, again, like, letting you know that you don't have to do this alone. It would be nice to get that. Because, again, I didn't choose to be, you know, single mother and stuff like that. So with that, it's like, this is the life that I have.

I'm not mad at it. I'm not mad at it in a sense of like, this is my life. I'm not like, those are my kids, no matter what the situation may be, right? So with that, it's like, because that's a life that I have to endure, this is where I'm at. But if options were there, of course, hey, you go ahead and drop. I drive enough during the week or, hey, you know, you go ahead and pick up dinner. Like, you know, that way it takes me not having to cook. Like, I'm not, I'm never getting.

something being offered to me. I'm blown away by your use of the phrase princess treatment because that's not what I'm getting from you. What I'm really feeling from you just listening to what you're looking for is you do you do the taking care of. Yes. Seven days a week. Yeah. And once in a while it would be nice if you got taken care of. Yes. I mean, but so there's this phrase about soft girl era, right? Soft girl era. What does that mean? So that's basically where, again, you, like someone is treating you to just the calmness of life, right? So, again, I think a lot of single mothers have to deal with this.

But it's just like, again, we're always on the go, right? Whether it's a choice of putting your kids in sports or, you know, again, the aspect of work or doctor's appointments. Like, there's always something that's needed. So I've got a hard question for you. Okay. If I were to ask your exes, people you've dated about you, what do you think they would say? I don't know how to answer that question only because the last marriage and I in on a soft note. So we don't converse at all.

Fair enough. So we're going to skip that one. But as far as the first one or anybody. Or even the guy that we talked about. Oh, okay. You know, it's just people that you've been in a relationship with. How do you think they perceive you? It doesn't have to be a particular person.

I'm just curious about your perception of their perception of you. I would think that they would say that I'm pretty hardworking, a hardworking person, right? Because again, I say I've never just had just one job. I go to the bat and the ends for my kids. Again, I think the communication component, like I definitely, they can. speak to that. And I mean, the humor, the wittiness, the outgoing, wanting, like, loving to have fun. Because again, when I'm out, I'm out, right? And a listening ear. What do you think they would say about the difficulties of being in a relationship with you?

It's going to require work to be with Brittany, right? So again, as much as fun as we can have, like life will happen and with that my mind goes to what needs to be made or what needs to happen or what needs to do like that's where my mind goes like it goes straight into problem solving mode and sometimes we don't want Britain to solve our problems sometimes they you know they what do you think they would say that they perceive problems as different from the way that Britney perceives them of course oh yeah and how does that how does that get resolved um I read by posture, I read the willingness to listen. And sometimes if I, like, when I notice that you just not really receptive to what I'm saying, then I let it go. Clearly, this is something you want to

solve on your own. I feel like I've gotten to a good place of understanding, which I'd love to kind of share with you and then get your response to. But I want to give you time and space to share anything or ask any questions that you may have. So, um, now that you've heard, I mean, in glimpse of, you know, certain sectors of my life is like, do you think it's possible for me to actually find someone who's willing to, you know, understand that there are seasons in my life where I just can't be up and out, or even just an aspect of just finding love in general? Yeah, I mean, I think so. I tend to be optimistic.

Okay. I had a question that just popped in and out of my mind. Oh, yeah, what do you think about this idea? So some people will say the good ones are all taken. what do you think about that? I can see that. And I think I can see that is because when you're in a relationship,

you think you have it good, and then all of a sudden it goes downhill. And then when you try, it's like, again, that social media, you're seeing like the glimpse of people's lives, not understanding what life really looks like for them outside of that social media page. So, you know, they're taking their spouse

or a significant other to Dubai or they take them to this spot there. And it's like, it makes it seem like, oh, I would love that. I want that. But it's like, but do you know what they go through on those other days?

So it's a, sometimes it's a facade of like thinking that oh, somebody else got it better. Like, you know, the grass is greener on the other side. But the aspect of the good ones are taking, I just think that some of us have a negative connotation on dating to where it's just like,

I just rather not deal with it. Yeah. I just rather not. So, I mean, that's kind of what I'm noticing is like, because, you know, there's just, I can totally see why many people would be very attracted to you. in the sense that you do offer stability.

Your very, your life flows from you. You know, despite the fact that you have so much on your plate, you know, you wake up at 5 a.m. to work out. Like you're animated, your emotional, like in a good way. Like you emote, you know, like there's, you show your emotions on your face. You don't shy away from things. I think you're quite attractive, like not in the sense that like, I'm attracted to you, but like I mean literally the energy that you have, I think will like moths to a flame.

So you offer light and stability. And so I can totally see why people would be into that. Like I said earlier, I think the people who don't quite understand the challenge that it takes to become a part of your life will be more into that because they don't see it. right? They just see the, if someone is facetiming you for a week and then you'll go on a date, the energy that you bring, I think would be incredibly positive. And so someone will see that and be like, this girl is great, right? Like, I absolutely want to hang out with her. And they don't quite process, as you said, like they don't seem to get that going on a date requires a $150 investment or however a bunch you pay your sitter or whatever. But just the challenges of just getting

that day together. And it's not just about the payment. It's like, again, making sure the kids are settled and, you know, whatever they need to do, especially if it's a week day and they at homework, like all of those things have to be settled before I leave the house. Because by the time I get back there, sleep. Yeah. So, and again, that's, that's time. That right there is time that I'm taking myself from. What scares me about listening to you is I'm envisioning, let's say, your first husband

after going through grief and losing his job had responded differently. Okay. So let's say that he had realized, oh, wow, I'm lucky to be married to Brittany. it's been a rough patch she stood by me and you know even though i'm scared to be a parent to two boys she stood by me and like i got a step up let's say he was that way he would have never gotten divorced i agree right and so what scares me because i hear this phrase the good ones are taken and i don't know how to think about that i haven't seen good statistical evidence that that's true or not true.

There's just too many people in the world to make that statement. That is very minimized. And then I listen to stories like yours, and I think to myself, like, you know, I was a little bit scared if I can share. I was scared that you would not be willing to date someone who had kids. And then you actually said, you know, I think I'm looking for someone who knows what it means to be a single parent. Yeah.

Because I was sort of thinking like, oh, like, because if someone's a single parent, they're going to understand what it takes to go on a date. Right. Right. So y'all are already like on the same page. You have a life where it's easy for many people to do the bare minimum. And you don't do the bare minimum. You do the opposite of the bare minimum.

You do everything. It's not clear to me even that you made, maybe the second marriage was a mistake. But what I'm really getting was that you were in a really vulnerable place. You were susceptible to validation. You had just had this really traumatic experience with, your first husband who was great in a lot of ways until this thing happened and then things moved in the wrong direction and to be so committed to someone to make something work and be like hurt so much right to be abandoned for somebody else yeah i think that's got a hurt yeah and and

there's a certain kind of person that can slip into your life very easily what i love about talking to you is I have I understand that now people will say like oh that's a mistake but I can see how you made it yeah right and it it doesn't mean that you're stupid it doesn't it's just that's a really hard thing you were burned right and this person came in y'all had a history together sounds like he was a football player right you know and and so there was a time before this traumatic marriage where you all were talking a little bit and things like that and I can totally see how that happened I think you have been forced to, I've said this before, I think it's central. You do the work of two parents and you, you know, your kids aren't skating by.

I imagine they're excelling. Yeah. You know? And I think that that takes a lot. I mean, the amount of strength, resilience, perseverance that that takes. And hopefully you get that. I'm not just like kissing your ass. No.

I think we really see that with you waking up at 5 a.m. running yourself. Yeah. Right? And then your kids are in track. And you make the website and you go to church every Sunday. And they play football and my daughter play softball. So again, I'm on the move. Yeah.

You didn't even know that. Yeah. Your daughter is four. Yes. Okay. Yeah, she's four. She's played softball. She did dance and cheer last year. And my twins are in football and track together.

So, yeah. I know you do a lot of driving, but that's insane. Again, I'm going to get them before they give me. So let give them something to, you know, run some. energy out. Yeah. And I think it's, it's amazing what you've done for your children. It really is. Thank you. And I think it's really hard for someone to join this life. So here's where maybe things get a little bit less positive, not, hopefully not disrespectful or anything. But, but like, you know, I think that there's a perception issue. Not that you're making a mistake or anything like that, but like,

it's insane how little you're asking for, actually. You know, like, because you're not asking to be treated. I mean, you called the princess treatment, but it's not the princess treatment. Right. I think what you're asking for is someone to take care of you every now and then. You know, to feel cared for, spoiled a little bit. Yeah. You know, and I don't think it's asking for much.

Right, because I'm not asking to quit my job and just be a house. No, I don't want to do that. Absolutely, right? And I think you've learned to value your independence that you don't want to be. And then this makes sense, too, that there are so many things that looked good that turned out to be bad. And once that has happened a couple times, even if you, if I, if you met someone today who was like, retire, I want to take care of it. You're not going to do it. No.

Because you've learned the hard way that people can change. I've had that offer. And it was a complete turnoff. Yeah, right? So I think that, oh, that's interesting. Yeah, it was a complete turnoff. Can we? Yeah, that's fine.

Tell me about that. It was so, basically he just kept saying, like, you know, you don't have to work. I have this. I have that. I have that. And I'm just sitting there like, but what about my kids? You know, like, it just felt like you're not thinking about like they're normal to do things. And again, like I said, this is not nothing where I got them in some Ivy League and school.

or anything like that where it's like costing money but it's just like they're still my responsibility right and at any given time for me to ask me to give up my job or to give up my career is basically saying I need to depend on you for everything

and that means that you have control on the ends and outs on money decisions and I'm like that's a tough pull right because at any given time you can decide you don't want to do this no more yeah so

beautiful. Let me ask you, what do you think was in his head when he said that? I think it was controlled. You think it was controlled? You got that vibe for them. Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah.

I think, because again, like I said, you've seen somebody thrive and, like, say, going through the Dodger program and, again, just seeing all the things that I am doing for myself and for my kids. And it's just like, a part of them is like, oh, I want to do it. But then it's like, but I need her to give. You're asking me to give up my whole life. You know. Have you ever been in a relationship with someone who's understood you?

I don't think so. I don't think so. And again, like I said, there's also been an evolution of myself, right? Because remember, I told you, I wasn't the one who didn't speak. That's wisdom right there. Right. So there's things that I didn't speak on, didn't really know what I wanted, you know, and just, you know, having some solid friends.

I got some solid girls. Yeah. I got some solid friends that just really. speak life, right? And it's not, the conversation that we have are not man bashing. It's like, but Brittany, we don't see that as you. Brittany, we know that that's not you. Brittany, we know that you don't like that. So it's like that read that that constant affirmation or confirmation of like, that sounds great, but that's not you. And I think a lot of people miss that. Somebody can be offering you something. Even though it sounds great, but does it really fit your life?

So what do you think it is that makes it hard for people to understand you? I think, like I say, I believe that everybody wants somebody to fit into their life. And I'm coming up straight in the beginning. Like, this is my life. Like, I don't know. Like, this is my life. This is where I'm at. This is what I'm striving for.

This is what I'm looking to do. Can you add to it? If you plan to take away, let's just not. So I just, I think, I don't know if it's the aspect of just willing to compromise, you know, like, can I fit into her life? Do I want to? Or do I want her to fit into my show? So here's what I think is really challenging. Okay. The first is that I think that there is a gap between investment and payoff. Okay. In a relationship with you or probably single mothers.

Okay. So I think it requires a lot of sacrifice up front. From the guy? From the guy. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Right.

So what I'm noticing is that there's, because like you're kind of, I think you're dealing with it in the best way that you can, which is you're transparent about it. This is just the circumstances. Yeah. You didn't make the choice to have this life. Right. But this is the life that you have. And we got to play the hand of cards that we were dealt. Right.

Right. And I think that some people will be shady about the way that they're playing. their hand of cards and will be deceptive, you're not that, which I think is really good. And at the same time, I think that, you know, there is a pretty big investment that I think you're expecting from people. Okay. Right. So if we're talking about texting and calling and stuff like that and then like a date at periodic

times, if we're talking about, and I totally understand where you're, I think I understand and maybe you'll disagree, but you know, you're kind of saying, okay, my life is seasonal. There are times where I have a lot more time and there are times where I have a lot less time. Right. And I totally get how you wouldn't, you can't start making compromises. You can't start giving things up in your life unless there is a surety of stability. Yes. Unless there is an us really evolving. Right. I think the challenge there is that they have to accommodate before that starts to happen. Okay. Right. So it's fair for you to say, look, this is how it is. It comes with the territory but then from someone else's perspective you know if this is the territory what am i getting

and what am i investing okay and what i'm really getting the sense of is that someone would have to invest quite a bit for y'all to get to the point where there can be in us okay does that make sense then i think there are a couple of other things which it's not clear to me but if i had to think about things for you to work on. And that too, I'm not getting the sense that there's like any red flags or anything like that. Like I think you're, one is that you do seem quite rigid. Okay.

So in your way of thinking. Okay. So, and I think that that's also an adaptation. So I don't know if this makes, you may have always been like this. You may have been like super organized as a kid. But you, you know, you made a statement earlier of like, okay, I'm going to problem solve. And if they don't want that, they can figure it out on their own. own and then if I'm here, when they're ready for my help, I'm here.

There isn't an us when I hear that. I hear it's like, my way or the highway is the wrong way. I think that's not the right connotation. But it's like you do it your way or we do it my way. Right. And you respect people's decision, which I think is really important based on working with people like you who have adapted to having to do things your way. Right? Does that kind of make sense? You have to do it your way because there's no one else involved.

Right. Then we start thinking in a way that like this is the way, this is the way to do. That I would do it. Yeah. Yeah, right. And I wouldn't be surprised if I talked to people in your life and they also told me that, you know, she has her way of doing things. It's really hard for her to understand. And I think that's really where the gap is. Like, for example, when we were talking about, you know, the gentleman who you were like, I'm not going to drive one hour and 45 minutes, which makes perfect sense to me. Right. But I think there's something you're missing. Okay. That means something to him. Does that make sense?

So when he's asking you, how do you feel about relationships? And what I heard you say was something that was quite like both sides. Okay. You know, like I'm into relationships, but this is what's going on in my life. Okay. Right? Which is like a completely reasonable answer. But when he asks that three or four times, what I think he's looking for is a signal that

you're ready to move in a more committed relationship. And I think he's not getting that signal. Okay. Does that kind of make sense? Yeah, but I, but even if that was the case, it seemed like it was still on, it was like, as if he was placing on me to again make that, to make that decision versus saying, hey, I do want to move forward. Like that never came out.

Does that make sense? Yes. So I think there's two answers I have to that. Got you, sorry. One. No, no, no. Okay. No, no, no.

One is, yeah, I think he should grow a pair of balls. Okay? And I know you're a god-fearing woman. Yeah, no, no, you're good. You're fine. But, like, I get you. Yeah. I think there's a completely reasonable, like, bro, you got to put yourself out there.

You know, shoot your shot. I think the flip side of it is there's this implication that it's on him to make that move. Yes. Right? Mm-hmm. So, so, and then when I say that, you're like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Because you set the terms. You originally the one who set the terms. That's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's exactly what I'm talking about, right? Yeah. So you're like, you set the terms, therefore, you accelerate. You asked about Dutch. If you're the one who opened, you put the toilet seat up, you better put the toilet seat down.

Right? Right. You said Dutch. You're the one who, so that's what I mean is I think you've got this like rule set in your head. Okay. that if there's something for you to change. And I'm not even saying there is. Because it's not clear to me.

And we don't have, I'm trying. Here's where I'm thinking, okay, just to share this very explicitly. One is you're doing nothing wrong. One is you're doing something wrong. Does that make sense? And then if I think about, okay, so. And then if we want to help you, we can't assume the first. Right.

We have to almost go looking for problems. Does that make sense? So that's where I am now. Okay. So please don't take this as like the, okay. No. And so this is just, because I've had a lot of people sit in that chair, right? And this is what I've heard from people like that guy, right?

Okay. Which is like he's kind of testing the waters and he's getting a lukewarm signal. Okay. So if he's getting a lukewarm signal, then he's like not going to advance it in that way. That's one option. And the second thing is you do have this idea that you started with Dutch. You put the toilet seat up. You put the toilet seat down.

And so I think there's a certain amount of like rules in your head that I think, think other people may not prescribe to. Right. Which I can even see that you've made the most important adaptation to, which is like your communication, communication, communication. But, you know, when it's interesting because you pick up on this stuff, you're like, he keeps on mentioning this, how he's like, how do you feel about relationships?

You said he asked about it three or four times. You remembered it. You offered that detail. So that tells me that he's like, you know, like it's kind of like, you know, do you want another piece of pie? Can I add a little bit more context on why? I felt like the question that he asked did not, I don't feel like it was a fair question.

And the reason being is because he also, again, because I say we agreed to go Dutch. So in my eyes, again, we're just being friends, man and woman going out and joining himself. But he also opened up and told me that he is in, basically was, he and this other lady agreed that they would just have sex with each other. Like, that was their thing.

Like, you know, as long as they're not in their relationship, that was their thing. So again, in my eyes, we're friends. We're going Dutch. Like, I don't see relationship as long as you still have this going on. So every time he asked that question, he had that going on. He had someone else that he was having intimate relations with. So you can't ask me if I'm ready for dating or that temperature when you have this, this going on. Mind you, we never got intimate at all, not even a kid.

So it was just like, you have this situation going on, but you're trying to temperature check me on about one. I'm at in relationships when this is happening. So for me, I don't really have a better answer, but a no answer to give to you. That makes a lot of sense. Yeah. So that's a really, that's a juicy detail right there.

Right, right. So let me ask you this. Did you ever communicate that to him? No, I did not because, and the reason why I did not is because, like I said, the whole time it's like, Dutch. And like I said, I got out of the marriage. And again, I had made some progress with that. But it was like, you agree that we were just going to be friends and go out and we just

pair our own way. So again, you decided to do something. Maybe you came up on some extra money. Like, I'm not thinking anything about that, but I never said anything. Oh, he, I never said anything, but he brought it up. He would bring it up. And, because I believe one time we were going out to eat or something like that, she ended up texting him or whatever.

Like, however they had the arrangement, I didn't care. Like, again, I wasn't being intimate with him. So it wasn't impacting me. Yeah. The agreement and the terms where we were going out. Yeah, I mean, that just sounds so messy, dude. It is. I mean, I don't even.

So how do you say you want a relationship with someone or you want somebody to let their guard down when you have this whole situation going on? Yeah, so that's what makes this hard, Brittany, is that if we're saying either you're doing nothing wrong or you're doing something wrong. Yeah. You know, I think you make a very convincing argument that you're doing nothing wrong. Yeah. And those kinds of details really support that. I think the tricky thing, though, is that I do get the sense that there are certain rules in your head that you judge other people's behavior by. Yeah.

And this is every human being does this. and the only question is if you can understand where that person is really coming from, right? What is you driving? Because it's like, here's the way I would put it. For someone to ask you to waste so much time driving 45 minutes in traffic that way and 45 minutes in traffic in this way, does it make sense that there has to be something of greater value in their mind? And so in for me, and like I say, this may be what you're saying is like, what was the common goal?

The goal for us to go to this place. That's a great, that's a great, great, great, great, perfect example. So I don't think that was the common goal. Yeah. That's exactly my point. And I think this is what you sort of picked up is in your mind, that's the common goal. Yeah. Right?

But what I think of, so just to give you, just play devil's out again, I don't think this is actually the case. But the goal is for us to spend as much time together as possible. Okay. And actually sitting in a car for 45 minutes, like my dad used to not like to fly because he wanted to be trapped in the car with him. And we would drive for, you know, 80 hours in one week. Yeah. Because that's when you got to spend time together.

There's no distractions. There's no anything. You know, I'm not saying that that's what this guy was thinking. I get you. You know, so, but I think that's a good example of like, if someone is doing something that makes no sense to you, either they're an idiot or, you. You're missing something really important about how they see.

They're seeing something fundamentally different here. Yeah. Yeah. So I think that's the main thing to really think about is like when something doesn't make sense to you. And it sounds like you've already moved. I thought the gaming example was really good where you're like, wait, what does that mean to be a gamer? You can't talk right now because you're gaming. Like what's going on here?

Right. So I think that's exactly the direction that you need to move in. Yeah. But that's really the only thing that I can really think of. Okay. And I'm really curious to talk to, I'm really curious what people you've been in romantic relationships would say. Okay.

Because the other thing that's a little bit scary is I've worked with a lot of people and I never realize until I talk to other people in their life that there's a blind spot that's so big. It doesn't even come out in the story. Yeah. But I don't get that from you. What I really get from you is this is a woman, who had a couple of circumstances adapted is thriving.

And some of those adaptations, really I think the biggest thing is that, you know, it takes a lot to date you. Yeah. That someone has to pay in a little bit early before they get to a point where there starts to be in us. I'm incredibly grateful that you came,

especially given now I understand what we asked of you. Yeah. Right? And you're talking about like, you know, the stuff that you have to do at work, but like, you know, how much, I don't know, we don't want to talk about where exactly you live. Yeah.

But, you know, even coming down here and parking and all that kind of stuff, like it takes a lot. We've been doing this for a couple of hours. So I'm honestly grateful. I understand now how much your time is worth, and I'm truly grateful. And I really do believe that this will help someone. I don't know if it's going to help women more or men more.

So here's the interesting thing. I think we learned a lot about what it's like to be a single mother. I think there's a lot of women in the audience that can resonate and empathize with that. But what I'm really hoping for is that men will watch this. And they will understand, hey, when I'm texting a girl on Hinge or whatever and she's a single mother, what is her life like? Right. And that's what I hope to get out of it, but I'd be blown away if a lot of dudes watch it. So thank you so much.

No problem at all. Thank you for having me. Thanks for watching this episode of Love Maxing. This is the third part in our three-part series. And if you guys haven't, check out parts one and two. If you'll want to see more interviews like this, please leave a comment below and just let us know. And if y'all are struggling with Love Maxing yourself, check out Dr. K's Guide to Love, Sex, and Relationships. Thanks for watching.