HealthyGamerGG - On Grief, Loss, and Suicide

Episode Date: July 4, 2020

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Despite remarkable advances, cancer remains a leading cause of death in the U.S., claiming more than 1,600 lives per day. Tune in to The Cancer Signal, a new monthly podcast presented by Grail, where we discuss the latest innovations transforming cancer detection. We talk with experts in the cancer community about multi-cancer early detection, its science and evolution, and its potential to make a difference. The Cancer Signal episodes are available. now. My name is Al-O-Kanoja. I'm a psychiatrist practicing in Boston, Massachusetts.

Welcome to another Healthy Gamer G-G stream. Just a reminder that everything that we do on stream is intended to educate and support y'all, but nothing is intended to be medical advice. And I will say this now more than ever that this is not a substitute for mental health treatment. And so if you guys are struggling, you really, we're going to basically spend the whole session talking about this, but we're going to spend, you guys should really get help. Go see a licensed professional. I'm not kidding about that. A lot of people will reach out to me and say, Dr. K, I'll pay you whatever you want. I just want one session. And I want to make this clear that one session with me is not going to fix your problems. I know that's what people think. six sessions with me is not going to fix your problems and yeah I mean what what fixes problems is actual mental health treatment and we try really hard to support people into getting that when necessary and in our hope here our mission here is to help people understand that mental health is real that it's devastating

that you can understand your mind and that there are ways to help yourself in addition to mental health treatment, understanding yourself, that's where our mission is. And I'm going to talk about that too. So a couple of just simple disclaimers. The first is that, I mean, I'm going to talk about Byron and Recful, but like, it's, he still has a right to privacy and confidentiality. so I'm not going to like answer any questions about him or anything like that. So, I mean, you all can ask, but I'm just not going to say anything. I think, you know, there's a lot more to his story than most people know, and his people who are close to him kind of know that.

Yeah. So let's get started. So the first thing that I want to talk about is depression. So this is going to sound kind of weird. I've always thought I had a weird realization when I was training to become a psychiatrist and that is that depression is the HIV of the mind

and what do I mean by that? I know it sounds weird but just hear me out so like when you get an infection like let's say you get a skin infection like the infection attacks your skin but let's say you get a GI bug

like a stomach bug or you get the flu and it attacks like your upper respiratory system. It attacks your stomach, attacks your skin. And then your immune system is like how you fight back, right? So your immune system activates and it goes and it fights a war with the infection in your skin and your stomach and after a couple days you're better. The reason why HIV is such a devastating disease is because it attacks your actual immune system. It attacks your ability to fight back.

And this is another bad gaming analogy, but like I think of most infections is jungle creeps in Dota are removed. And like, they don't actually attack you back. They just, sure, if you go and pick a fight with them, they're going to fight you. But like, they're not like attacking your throne, right? They're not attacking you back. Like your soldiers are free to fight them. But HIV is different. HIV is like the enemy team.

It attacks you back. It attacks you in the way that, like, you fight. It's not neutral. It's not just sitting there attacking some random part of your body. And then, like, your immune cells, like your white blood cells are just there to, like, go to town. And that's why infections, generally speaking, don't kill us. Right? We get flus and colds and stomach bugs.

Like, we get that stuff all, like, you know, all the time. Most of it doesn't kill us. HIV kills you. HIV kills tons of people. It's devastating. It used to be a death sentence. And why is that? Because it attacks your ability to fight back.

And that's what depression is. Depression attacks your ability to fight back. It makes you think that you can't win. It makes you think that the people that love you would be better off without you. It controls your actions. It attacks your variability to fight back. And so that's what makes it so devastating. we rely so much on our mind to help us out to protect us to help us move forward in life and depression

attacks that i mean like anxiety's bad sure i mean there are all kinds of mental illnesses that are bad but i think depression is is in some ways the most devastating because it takes your biggest weapon and it turns it against you right your thought your your mind which can be compassionate and helpful and brilliant and analytical becomes this thing that is attacking you. And that's what's so devastating. And I don't know if you guys saw, you know, Byron's last tweets, but like, I mean, he knew it too. Right.

He said that like, you're not in control. And that's what it does. So over 50% of adults, over 50%, okay, just think about this. In middle and high income countries and developed countries are going to suffer from some mental health problem in their life. We're not talking about cancer. Cancer, like, at the end of the day is devastating, but affects like a small percentage of people, right? Like 5% maybe. Mental health is going to affect more than 50% of people.

So it's, I mean, people talk about COVID is a pandemic and absolutely it is and COVID's terrible. But like mental health is an epidemic that has been silent and been been ravaging the developed world, probably the third world countries as well. but definitely us for years, and it's getting worse. And I don't think we're doing enough about it. So let's talk for a second about suicide. So when we say mental health is getting worse. So suicide overall over the last decade has increased by a third. You know, we're getting better at treating other diseases.

Like cancer rates are down, heart disease rates, generally speaking, are down. I mean, those are the diseases that tend to happen when we get older. So, you know, things like Alzheimer's are on the rise, but that's probably just because we're living longer. But mental health is actually increasing. And what's really scary is that like a 33% increase in the population doesn't mean that everyone is increasing 33%. What's really happening in mental health is that suicide rates are doubling, have doubled, I think, in the last decade in teenagers. So in 2003, the suicide rate amongst teenagers increased by 8%. I have no idea what happened in 2003.

They're going up by about 5% per year. Video game addiction has doubled in the last five years. The 33% isn't driven by the whole population. It's driven by us. We're the ones that are killing ourselves. More and more. So I don't know if you guys get this, but suicide is literally killing us.

I know it's a weird thing to say. But the second most dangerous thing to you is you. You are actually going to be the second most likely cause of your death. And by you, I mean, between the ages of 10 and 34, the number one cause of death is accidents. Car accidents getting hit by meteors, like whatever, just like shit. So the most dangerous thing to you is. like completely random. There's nothing you can do about it. Second most dangerous thing to you is you. It's not cancer. It's not heart disease. It's not like, I mean, I guess gun accidents can happen.

But you are you are you are the most dangerous controllable thing the in your life. The only factor that you can control like because you can't control accidents like I can't control if I like you know I'm on a plane and it goes down. The most lethal thing to you, is actually in your control. And that's you. So the first thing that I want to say is don't worry alone and don't die alone. Suicide and depression get bad

because they turn what should be a multiplayer game into a player game. Right? And I mean, that's what happens. We start to isolate. Because life is a multiplayer game. Like, that's what we do, right? That's what Twitch is about.

It's multiplayer. You have friends. You have apps. allies, have us, we have you. And what depression does is turns it into a single-player game. And this game was not designed to be played alone. I don't know if you guys get that, but you look around at society, and society is made of people. So the first thing that I'd say to you is don't worry alone and don't die alone.

If you're worried about someone, talk to someone, something. Just talk to someone. It doesn't matter who. Talk to someone, anyone. Talk to your friends. Talk to your family. Talk to your buddies on Steam. Talk to your buddies on, you know, Reddit, Twitter, Instagram, Twitch.

Talk to someone. And tell people what you want to do. Because give them a chance. Because that's what we need, right? Like, we just need a chance to help you. And you need to give us a chance to help you. Because that's what we want to do, right? You think about the people, like, if you have,

friends that want to kill themselves, what do you want from them? You just want a chance to be a part of their conversation and their life. You can't save them. That's okay, but you just want to be involved. And so it's a, it's a big motto that we have sort of on the coaching side, which is don't worry alone. If you've got a problem, like just don't, don't play a solo player game. Like, if you're playing Dark Souls, you know, call in a son bro. to help you out. Because right now, what's happening in this country

is an epidemic of disconnection. Every year that goes by, I want you guys to just think about this for a second. We are a greater threat to ourselves. For the most part, we've like sort of conquered infections, right? Even HIV. Like, HIV is no longer a death sentence. In fact, the life expectancy with HIV is getting close to normal.

Like, if your heart is clogged and can't breathe, we can actually hook your heart up to a machine that circulates your blood while we take a vein from your leg and attach it to your heart. And then you have a bypass and your heart works again. Like, what the actual fuck? We are capable of doing that. If you have a knee that is torn apart from arthritis,

we can literally remove the knee and put in a piece of metal and you can walk again. Right now, there are tons of people who are dying from COVID and it's terrible. But what's crazy is that some of them are living. And the reason that they're living is because we have a thing called a ventilator. And what a ventilator is, like, we can literally breathe for you. We can pump your heart for you. We can breathe for you. We can replace your joints.

We can do dialysis, which is for your kidneys. Right? So like we can, every three days, you can go to a dialysis center. It filters all of your blood and does the work of your kidneys. You don't even need a kidney. Oh, and by the way, we can also do transplants. We can take an organ from one human being and stick it into another human being. Like, what the fuck?

That's crazy. Medicine is amazing. We also have TPN, total parental nutrition. If you can't eat, we can stick an IV in your arm and give you food and sustenance. We can keep you alive without eating. We can keep you alive without your heart beating. We can keep you alive without your breathing. We can keep you alive without your kidneys working.

We can keep you alive without you eating. We can replace your joints and we can graft organs into you from another human being. What's missing? What can't we do? We can't do anything for your brain and we can't do anything for your mind. This is the problem that we face. And as society changes,

I don't know exactly what's going on, but we have an epidemic of disconnection. We can't fix this for you. Medicine can't fix it for you. This is the one thing we can't fix for you. We can literally like replace every other organ of your body. We can, if you don't have lengths,

we can give you a wheelchair. If you can't speak, we can give you a voice box. Can't do anything for the mind. Not anything. That's not. We can't replace it for you. Right?

Let me say that. And so this is getting worse. And we haven't figured out how to fix it yet. And so we've got to do more as a society. We'll talk about that. And I think what we're seeing is this epidemic of disconnection. People are hopeless. They're lonely.

They're depressed. They use substances. They self-medicate. We're going to talk about that. And so how do we understand, like, what's going on? So first thing is, like, we're going to talk about risk factors for suicide. So you guys are going to get Professor Andy today. So I want you guys to think about our community, and I want you to think about whether

these things apply to us or not. Risk factors for suicide. Trauma. Has that happened to anyone that you know? Is that a part of your life? Physical, emotional, sexual, whatever. mental illness. I know it sounds kind of bizarre, but mental illness is a risk factor for suicide. Not everyone who kills themselves is actually mentally ill. And that's a strange thing to say.

That's maybe a conversation for a different day. Substance use. Is that an issue in our community? You know, it's interesting because a lot of people have come forward about a lot of, you know, important secrets that need to be told. bringing things to light recently, and I think that's healthy. The one thing that shocked me was, like, how common substance use was. In all of their stories, someone's been drinking. And we got to look long and hard at the culture we promote. I've been thinking long and hard about the drunk AMA. So the last time I had that much to drink was 3,500 days ago.

I don't drink very much. But it occurred to me that, like, I'm... demonstrating that that's okay and I'm supporting that and I don't think that that's right. I think about it. So substance use. Self-medication. Let me tell you guys something about self-medication. Self-medication doesn't work.

Makes you feel good, but it doesn't actually fix the problem. Substances don't fix the problem. They make you feel better and I don't blame you for using it because sometimes you need to use it because you've got to get through the day. you know, and we certainly saw that with Byron, but it doesn't fix the problem. What fixes the problem is actually working at the problem. It's mental health treatment.

That's what you guys, a lot of you all need. And so if you're self-medicating, think long and hard about self-medication, and medication in general is a bridge. It's a bridge to a better life. But self-medication is a bridge to nowhere. There's nothing on the other side of that. If you wake up every day and you drink and you get high, like, what is that leading you towards?

Like, sure, it helps and I get that your anxiety is overwhelming, but like, what, like, where is that going? Are you going to wake up one day and then, like, you don't need to get high for your anxiety? Is that what's going to happen? You're going to wake up one day and say, like, oh, I don't need the alcohol anymore. My problems are all fixed? Are you going to wake up one day and you're going to say, oh, I don't need to play a video game for 14 hours today because I have a fulfilling life and I'm happy with who I am as a person.

It's a bridge to fucking nowhere. So I'm an addiction psychiatrist and I get that like sometimes it's hard to survive in your mind. But for fuck's sake, start building at least another bridge. You can't overcome and, I mean, I guess you can, but my strategy to overcome an addiction is to make the addiction no longer necessary.

We're healthy, gamer. We're not treating video game addiction. We changed and we'll talk a little bit about that too. But you have to do the other stuff too. Substance use isn't a treatment. Self-medication isn't really medicating anything. It's just ignoring a problem. And so it's not just depression. It's not just suicide. If you guys have a substance use problem, get some help. And it doesn't have to be medical. Like, treatment is a good thing. But there are communities like alcoholics anonymous, narcotics anonymous, you know, marijuana anonymous, CGAA, computer gaming addicts anonymous. And we'll talk a little bit about that too. Other risk factors for suicide.

Suicide clusters. Now, what does that mean? Absolutely crazy, but suicide is contagious. When someone kills themselves and it's prominent, other people kill themselves. So something that I want every person to understand right now is that statistically, the most likely source of your death that you have an influence over is you. It's not someone else, it's you. And over the next weeks to months, you are more likely to try to kill yourself. you are your biggest threat. And we know this.

So suicide clusters have been a big problem in Japan. A lot of good literature comes out of there. But after Robin Williams passed away, people died. There was actually, I think, an increase in suicides after Netflix released 13 reasons why, which is a story about suicide. So understand that your mind may be attacking you more over the week's

come. And I want you guys to really think about that for a second, because if your mind starts to attack you more, it also means that your mind can attack you less. If you can get more suicidal over time, what it also means is that you can become less suicidal over time. And that's, I know it sounds like so simple, but in the mind of a suicidal person, they believe that the downward trend is going to go forever, and that's where hopelessness comes. But that's just not true. If suicidality is a fluctuating tribute in your mind, it doesn't just go downward.

It's going to go up at some point. All things in the mind come to an end. That is the nature of a mind. Everyone's crying a lot right now. Everyone is sorry. In 277, we're not going to be that sad. It's just the way of the mind. Sometimes there are celebrations.

And then your mind feels wonderful, and then that changes. This is something that you guys have to understand. The mind returns to equilibrium. You just have to buy it enough time. Give yourself time. Talk to someone else. Let them help you get back to the equilibriuming mind. I know it feels like it's hopeless.

I know it feels like it's forever, because that's what mental illness does to us. It makes us feel like the present is eternal, but that's just not fucking true. It's just not true. It feels like COVID is going to go on forever. I mean, maybe, but it's not going to go on forever. It feels like it.

But that's just not how it works. Things change over time. That is the nature of time. Things change. And so just buy yourself time. Don't do it today. And then tomorrow, don't do it that day. Reach out to people and give yourself.

time and recognize that you may need mental health treatment now more than ever. And so we're going to talk about that in a second. So what are the other risk factors? Isolation. Sound familiar? A sense of loss. Unwillingness to seek help, feeling hopeless, there are a couple of others. So no wonder we're killing ourselves more. That's us. That's Twitch. That's our community. We're disconnected. We feel hopeless. We smoke pot. A lot of us have dealt with abuse. And so this is us. We're isolated. But here's the cool thing. So I live in a world where I truly do believe that we are never given a challenge without the tools to overcome it. And like that's kind of a weird belief. Is it optimism? No, I don't think it's optimism. I think it's actually a deep principle of

karma or physics. if you take a neutron and you split off a positron, you're left with an electron. Right? That like you can't move from neutrality without creating like positive and negative. That in order for ice to cool a drink, it has to warm up. Everything has two sides. Like that's just an attribute of nature. There's no like one side at anything. In order for me to get californ. I have to eat something else. Energy is neither created nor destroyed. Largely true of matter as well. And so I think that that's like a deep principle of our universe, which applies to like really,

really bizarre kind of like psychological stuff way down the road. And y'all are welcome to disagree with that. But in my life, I have truly believed that we are given the tools to overcome our challenges, that it's the challenge that creates the tool. Why are we here at Healthy Gamer? Like, we are here at Healthy Gamer because the soil was fertile for us to grow. It's interesting because Bobby Scar said, like, I predicted you're coming. I saw you or I. Like, I knew you were going to come. How can you do that? Because that's what happens, right? Like, in terms of civil rights or Black Lives Matter, police brutality is the negative side of, like, these protests and Black Lives Matter. We have the tools to overcome our children. We have the tools to overcome our

challenges. And that's not like optimism. It's like it's deeper than that. It's not a belief. It's like a truth. And so we we struggle with an epidemic of disconnection. And so what are our weapons? Right? Because like when you're like the final boss is like mental health. Like and that's what I mean about all this physical stuff. Like we've conquered the body. We fucking conquered it. Like just think you don't need your heart to survive anymore. If your heart is shit, we can literally take your heart out of your body and stick another one in there. The final boss is mental health.

And that's where we are in society. We're at the end of the game. It's like late game civilization where like at the beginning, it's like you're fighting against wolves and shit. And eventually it's like we get to this. This is the final boss. This is the final boss. You know, universal basic income. people don't need to work anymore. We grow food hydroponically, and we can grow way more food vertically

than we can grow like horizontally. Just think about as a society, when we start growing food in a vertical dimension, we don't need people to work like shit is automated now. We're going to have self-driving cars. What's left? The mind. That's the final boss. This is it. This is the climax.

This is the raid boss. This is the end of the game. That's the boss that we're fighting. And you're damn right, it's hard because the final boss is the hardest. Because we can't use science. I can't biopsy your depression and just give you a pill to make it go away because depression is complicated. Mental health treatment is a part of it, but there's more to it. What are our weapons?

Clinical care is number one. That's psychiatry, mental health treatment. But protective factors against suicide. Clinical care is at the top of the list. Go fucking get treatment. if you feel bad about what it is or if you feel stigmatized or you're like you don't know how to do that don't worry alone talk to someone about it weapon number two protective factors against suicide access to support structures this is what our responsibility is is an online community and i just

don't mean healthy gamer i mean twitch i mean steam i mean whatever take your pick that we support each other and i want you guys to think about this who here has ever met recful You guys have never met the fucking guy. You guys have never met me. How can I do anything for you? Just think about how awesome this tool is at our disposal. That you can watch another human being in a different country, not even talk to you, just fucking talk at me.

And you can feel connected to them and you can grieve their loss. So hold on a second because that's a fucking nuke against the final boss. Because we can form connections with each other that are real and powerful without ever meeting each other. That we're a society that doesn't need to leave the house between Uber Eats, grocery delivery, and Amazon, two-day delivery, you never need to leave. And so we become isolated.

And at the same time, we've got a weapon against that because the computer is what isolates us and that's what gives us the opportunity for connection. Skills and problem solving. Actually, a protective factor against suicide. We're good at that. We're good at solving problems. That's our forte.

We're fucking smart. The study done by the Department of Defense found that people who play video games are 10 to 20% smarter than people who don't among soldiers. Seriously, our intellect is one of our greatest weapons. And that's why depression is so devastating, because that's when we turn it against ourselves. It's hard, right? It's like mind control. Like if you guys think about mind control in video control. games, right? Like, you like charm an enemy, and then they like, they fight for you. And if they

charm you, then you fight for them. And the stronger the character is that gets charmed, the more screwed you are. So our mind is our greatest weapon, and it's also our greatest enemy. Cultural beliefs, religious beliefs. That's actually on both sides. That can be a risk factor or a protective factor. So I don't know what we believe about suicide. I think our culture is evolving and we've got to think a little bit about that. So let's talk about that for a second. What is a our culture. So what is our culture? How do we act? How do we treat each other? I want you guys to think long and hard about this. So with all this stuff with like sexual harassment and sexual assault coming out, a lot of people ask, how could this happen? How could this happen? How did

the tournament organizers not know? Oh, Twitch should do this about it. Emmett Shear should resign, like all this stuff. Right? Like blaming everyone you can. How could you can? How could you? How could this happen? What makes our culture? We do. So when someone, we had female gamers on stream this Monday and they kind of said like, you know, if they speak in voice chat, they get toxic responses and people call them, you know, all kinds of, I want to stick my blankety blank and your blankety blank and then there are two things that that happen, right? So one is that like sometimes, like most people just don't speak up. And then sometimes they get a white night, which is just as bad. And they're like, my lady, let me fedora your face and let me defend you, my lady.

Just treat them like humans. Let me tell you, you guys want to know how we stop toxicity on the internet? You know how to make gaming a safe place for women? It's actually really, really, really simple. When one person is toxic towards a woman, you don't have to attack them, you don't have to defend. You've got to say, hey, man, you think you can cool it a little bit? Like, do you really think what you're doing is decent? and then what do they do?

They start calling you a simp. Fine. You let him. You don't have to fight him. You don't have to convince him. You don't have to do any of that shit. You don't have to show him you're right. That's all you say.

Like, hey, man, can you lay off? And then if he keeps going, you can apologize to the woman. You can say, hey, I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Sounds like it sucks. I can only imagine. If there's something I can do, let me know. That's all you got to say. 30 seconds of speech.

And then he can get mad at you. Why does he get mad at you? Because you're fucking right. Does that solve the problem? No. in the next game, there needs to be someone else like you. And in the next game, there needs to be someone else like you. And I guarantee you that if that person plays 10 games in a row

where there's a single person that's like, hey, man, why don't you lay off? They're going to shut the fuck up on Game 11. They're not even going to do it. You're not going to convince them of anything. That's how we solve toxicity. It's not tournament organizers. It's not Twitch. It's not streamers.

It's fucking you. and you think about when you've been hateful, and you think about when you've been toxic, and when you've grabbed your pitchfork. Friends, let me explain something to you. If someone who is sexually assaulted is not grabbing their pitchfork, you better fucking put yours down.

The right to justice and judgment is the party who's aggrieved. Not the person browsing Reddit. And I think you do have an individual responsibility, and like I think it's good that you advocate for people. And sometimes people are so fucked up that they can't advocate for themselves, and then you do need to grab their pitchfork

because they're not grabbing theirs. I'll admit that that's absolutely a scenario. But for the most part, that should be the minority. And if someone says, hey, I forgive this person, I don't want you guys to turn feather them. Y'all should think about that. Like, who are you to say otherwise?

And as you look at yourself, I think you're going to discover all kinds of important things. That the beef that you're fighting has nothing to do with them. It has to do with a beef of your own life. And that's what you need to fix. Where does hatred come from? Where does anger come from? Do we just grow up hating people?

Sure, some of it is conditioned. Some of it is. And gets conditioned by the culture. Right? Why do people call or why are people toxic to women in video games? It's because no one stops them and other people are. And we see the wide difference in different kinds of communities. I'm not going to like name different communities, but just go and look at different streamers.

See the kind of communities they cultivate. How do they do that? It's because of the way that they act. It's because of the participants. Like, I don't know if you guys get this, but I don't create the community. I don't even participate in the community. You guys are a community.

The credit for the health of the healthy gamer community goes to you. It doesn't go to me. And if you're a part of a toxic community, the blame goes to the community. It goes to you. And so everyone is sort of saying, like, how could this happen at such a systemic problem? toxicity. And like, you know, sexual assault and sexual harassment doesn't end at gaming, right? It's not just there. It's like everywhere. And if it's a systemic problem, it needs a systemic solution. And a systemic solution means you need to get the fuck up off your chair and get involved. And when it comes to depression and suicide and disconnection, you have two very important responsibilities. One is that you take care of yourself. And the second is you try to take care of other people. So, cultural,

Cultural beliefs are a protective factor of suicide. So the question that I have for you is what is our cultural belief about suicide? How are we going to treat it? Do we think it's okay or not okay? Are we going to reach out to someone or are we not going to reach out to someone? Let me ask you guys an interesting question. What is the best way for you to get someone else to disclose their suicidal thoughts to you? Any idea?

Ask them as incorrect. Listen is incorrect. Are you good? Is incorrect? Are you okay? Is incorrect? Trust is wrong. You disclose yours first.

So fucking. You model the behavior. You be vulnerable. You share. And if you're not suicidal, don't share that. Share something else. Don't worry alone. Remember that your struggles are a multiplayer game too.

If you want to help someone else, start by asking for their help. think about this. This is why I have hope. Because everyone looks at this gaming community and they see toxicity. That's not what I see. Because it boggles my mind how little y'all take care of

yourselves and how hard you work to take care of other people. It's fucking amazing. Right? Like you think about what you're not willing to do for yourself but you're willing to do for other people. Like this is a community that can beat the final boss.

because at the end of the day, when we separate you from your toxic environment, y'all are good people. And so we've got a chance. Like, sure, it's the final boss, but, like, we've got what it takes. Because at the end of the day, I've been looking for God-awfulness

within this community from day one. We've asked, like, in-cells and a dude with a wifu to come on, and if there isn't some degenerate shit on the internet, isn't it that kind of stuff? and these people shockingly turn out to be decent and normal human beings because we all are. And as long as you like just peel a couple of the layers of the onion back,

you're going to find decency underneath. If that wasn't the case, Healthy Gamer would be nowhere. So give yourself a chance to be a decent human being. Give yourself a chance to be vulnerable. Give a chance, give yourself, do people the favor of letting them help you. Think about that for a second. If someone's like, hey man, like how you have the capacity to make someone feel like they have purpose in life if you let them help you.

Because if you help someone like if your friend has a flat tire and they call you, and you're like absolutely man, I'll be there. You change the flat tire, they go home. How do you feel about yourself after that? You feel damn good. And you should. You have worth. You can see your worth in the world. The problem is that we don't give ourselves opportunities to see our worth in the world.

And so lean on someone else for support. Go for it. It'll help you and it'll help them. So kind of going back to suicide. So let me say this. So Recful's suicide was absolutely a tragedy. And it wasn't the first and it's not going to be the last. So as a psychiatrist, when I interview people, I know what the risk factors of suicide are.

And I know that pretty much every person that we interview checks a lot of those boxes. I know that because I used to check a lot of those boxes. And I know that before I even showed up on stream, I've worked with hundreds of gamers who checked a lot of those boxes. And Recful's suicide was a tragedy, but I don't think you guys get this. We as a community are literally killing ourselves. That's not a metaphor.

It's not a hyperbole. It's not an exaggeration. The second leading cause of death for people between the age of 10 and 34 is suicide. After random ass accidents that no one can do anything about, it's us that are killing ourselves. And this is the thing people don't realize this because look at chat right now. Look at how many people are here. And if one of them kills themselves tomorrow, who's going to know? Not a single fucking person.

It's happening. Just because we see it doesn't mean it's happening. And it's not going to be the last. So we've got to do more. So what can you do? The first thing is let someone else help you. you. Second thing is help yourself.

Third thing is help someone else. In terms of helping yourself, if you guys have any medical professional in your life, tell them if you're struggling with depression. Doesn't fucking matter. It could be a physical therapist. Doesn't matter. If you have a doctor,

tell them that you're struggling. There are resources, I think we have an exclamation point support kind of thing. Talk to your doctor. You can also call your insurance company if you have insurance and say, hey, I want to, you know, how can I see a therapist? And they'll walk you through the process. You can go to a website like Psychology Today or BetterHelp or Talk Space and sign up for stuff and just like browse

profiles and like call people. You can, there's weird. You guys may not be very familiar with this, but there's a website called Googlea, G-O-O-G-L-E. And, and you guys may not be very familiar with this, but there's a website called G-O-O-G-L-E. And it's cool. You can just type in anything in there, and it'll give you information about it. So you can even like, it's actually like a pretty sophisticated website. It looks simple, but they just have this box. And if you type in therapist and then your location, it'll give you like a list of therapists in your location.

It's pretty cool. It's kind of like a personal assistant sort of website. So you guys can try using that. too. The other thing that you can do if you guys are struggling is you don't even even have to talk to a mental health practitioner. We'll talk to a friend and say, hey, I think I should maybe see a therapist, but I don't know how. And this is the funny thing, right? So look at what your mind does. If you think about how do I see a therapist, you don't know how to figure it out. If a friend comes to you and says, how do I see a therapist? You're on that shit.

You'll figure it out for them. And you use that 10 to 20% gaming IQ buff to solve a problem for them. If you can't afford it, this is why organizations like Rise Above the Disorder exist. There are also some free clinics that offer mental health care. So at Google, you can even type like free mental health care in your city or call someone. Right. So like a lot of providers will see people for free who can't afford it. You just have to ask. Half of the patients in my practice, I see for free. So just ask. Okay. So next thing, healthy gamer. So mental health for gamers by gamers. That's what we're about at Healthy Gamer.

And so what are we? Are we treatment? Absolutely not. So what are we? How can we do mental health for gamers if we're not treatment? Aren't we telling people, oh, like, are we pretending to be therapists and we're not therapists? Absolutely not. So the reason that the final boss grew up in the first place is because somewhere along the way,

we put all of the burden on mental health on providers. And it's a society we gave up on mental health. And we said, for all mental problems, go see a psychiatrist, and that's the only solution that we have. And I want you guys to think about how idiotic this is. People are like, oh, like Dr. Kay, like, does therapy on stream? You don't do therapy on stream. It's not therapy.

What I do is I have human conversations with people about what's going on in their life. That doesn't make me a therapist. That makes me a decent human being. and the fact that what you guys think I do is therapy speaks to the problem that like what I do should be fucking normal that's what's wrong and just think about this for a second

is all physical health medicine is all mental health psychiatry therein lies the problem now we know how the raid boss got so big because there's like exercise and diet We acknowledge that they're nutritionists and personal trainers that can help you be physically healthy. Is it medical treatment? Absolutely not. Does it prevent or treat heart disease?

Absolutely. So what's missing in our society, and this is why life coaching and executive coaching and all this kind of crap has popped up, because there are things involving your mental health that don't have to be therapy or treatment. That people, I know this is shocking. there's depression, which is a clinical illness, and then there is unhappiness, which is not. And what's our antidote to unhappiness?

We don't have one. Well, why the fuck not? Right? So in Western medicine, we're not healthcare, we're sick care. Like, if you think about exercise, exercise sure helps you if you're unhealthy, but once you hit like the neutral point, exercise can elevate you to be super healthy. And what's missing in our society is that elevation.

And that's what we do at Healthy Gamer. What people, I don't think people really get this, but most of what I draw on at Healthy Gamer is not psychiatry. It's yoga. It's meditation. It's Buddha. What we talk about is finding purpose, finding hope, finding meaning, learning to understand how your mind works. What I teach is not psychiatry. It's engineering of the mind.

That's what we do. Yoga Chittavruta nirodaha. Yoga is the cessation of fluctuations of the mind. That is what I try to teach. First and foremost, what does that mean? Fluctuations of the mind. Suicidality comes and goes.

The mind has fluctuations. Happiness, joy, sadness, disappointment, excitement. All fluctuations. Peace comes from cessation of fluctuations of the mind. That is first and foremost what I try to teach. The rest of it is just supportive. Whether it be psychology, psychiatry, neuroscience, medicine, physiology, spirituality, my end goal, if you want to be a healthy gamer, yoga chittavruta Nirodaha.

Cease the fluctuations of your mind and you will be at peace. When someone is depressed and suicidal, their mind is very deviated from the norm. That's what we do at the healthy gamer. We want to teach you how you work. We want to teach you how to understand yourself. Y'all are playing a game with the monitor turned off. You don't know what's going on. You're just fucking mashing buttons without any idea, how anything works.

That's why you're losing. We're here to teach you how to turn the monitor on. And do we talk about emotions? Absolutely. Does that make it therapy? I don't think so. Because like emotions are not the province of medicine. I don't know if you guys get this, but all human beings have emotions.

So does anything involving emotions make it medical treatment? No. Like, that's the problem is that we think that, like, you can't, like, you can process your emotions with a therapist. Absolutely. You can also do a lot of other things for your mental health that do not involve treatment. And that's what's missing in our society in addition to stigma and all that stuff. So think about how you take care of your mind. How do you take care of you?

Do you lean on other people for support? Do you do things that are good for you? Do you help yourself out? Are you just fucking AFK when it comes to yourself? Because the answer is yes, you are. And that needs to change. So when it comes to help the gamer, this discussion is incomplete without recful.

So recful put us on the map. 99% of you are here today because of recful. Our average viewer count prior to Recful was 100. After Recful, it was 2000. He's the guy that gave us the term AEOE healing. And he gave people hope. Like, why did Healthy Gamer blow up? It's because Recful came on and he was like honest and authentic.

And like, he let people see him. And like, this is, he was the start of the silver. bullet against the disease of disconnection. Because what happened with wreckfulness, people connected to him. They said, that's not him. That's me. And we're so

separate. And what we need is to be together. And I don't mean that in like a fucking inspirational calendar kind of way. I mean like very practically. Like we need to connect to each other. And it is amazing that he was able to do

that before. And people think, me and like, sure, so I'll take some thanks. But what I really want you guys to understand is, Healthy Gamer is not about me, it's about you. I just ask questions. The information and what the learning comes from the person that I'm talking to. And he absolutely gave people hope.

And people were like, man, I'm going to see a therapist like, if Rackville can get help, like I can get help. He gave us hope, right? But it wasn't enough. He had everything. He had money. He had fame. He had adoration. He even had six streams with Dr. Kay. And it wasn't enough.

And so if he gave you hope and he killed himself, does that mean that you should lose hope? Makes sense, right? Because Recful had it all. Should you lose hope? Makes sense. He's gone. He's what got us started. But I don't think you should lose hope. and once again not because of a positive calendar kind of way but I want you to think about this because if he can lose the battle you can win

and what do I mean by that wreckful had money he had fame he had adoration and access to Dr. Kay and what I want you guys to understand is if that money doesn't buy happiness then being broke

doesn't cause you to lose happiness. Right? These are independent variables. Are they a factor with each other? Absolutely. But if he can lose, you can win. Right now, you guys look at your life and you say,

if only this was different, then I would be happy. But what I want you guys to really understand about Byron is all of those things were different about him. And he still wasn't. It wasn't enough. But the cool thing is that, like, that's devastating in some way, but I want you guys to really understand. That means that the struggle against depression and suicide in fighting that war means that you, at the end of the day, it's about you. It's a personal struggle. And money,

like sure, money helps because you're going to have access to resources and things like that. But for someone to be so loved and also so, and to still lose, means that you actually have hope. So if money doesn't buy happiness, then being broke doesn't buy sadness. And at the end of the day there is nothing you can do to AFK at this game. You've got to fight it. Like it doesn't matter whether you have advantages or disadvantages where you've got a sweet like epic sword or you've got some like half broken piece of trash. Like you've got to fight the battle. It doesn't matter. And no amount of anything that anyone can give you ultimately makes it so that you do not have to pick up and fight. You've got to fight that battle. And it is a personal battle.

But you guys don't have to fight it alone. And I think that despite all of Wreckfuls, out of everything that he gave to us, I think at the end of it, unfortunately he was fighting it alone. And he lost. But just because he lost doesn't mean that you have to. So what happens when a champion falls?

He gave us so much. Like, I remember, you know, being like a 20-year-old kid playing wow and like watching his videos, And I was like, damn, that guy's awesome. Like, I wish I could be like that good. Wow. I was a fan. He was a friend of mine.

And what do we do when the champion falls? Do we stop fighting? It's a personal battle and all of us have to fight it. But you have to fight it, but you don't have to fight it alone. You absolutely don't have to fight it alone. And I don't want you to fight it alone. And I'm not going to let you fight it alone. I'm going to fight with you.

But I can't. I can't do it alone. So I've got a pretty big HP pool. I've got 100 hit points. I lost 80 of them yesterday. I lost most of my HP bar. And I'm, you know, it's kind of like in a game when, so my HP bar is flashing.

And my UI is like red at the corners. So I can't take much more of this. And every time I work with someone, I give a piece of myself to them. And yesterday, the peace that I had given to Recville died with him. And what causes me to lose life is when y'all lose life. So Spirit, link shit. And what causes me to gain life is when y'all gain.

And I can do a lot, guys. I really can. And I tried with Recful. I really did. But I can't do this alone. Because at the end of the day, I'm not superhuman. I'm just me. I have two hands.

I have one heart. I have one voice. I have two ears. I'm human. I want to be more than human. I try to be superhuman, but I'm not. And we think about Wreckful as superhuman,

but he wasn't either. So this is the thing, guys. I can't do this alone. And I can't take much more of it. And so what I need you guys to do, first and foremost, is live. because every time you all die, a piece of me dies too.

That's what happens to be a piece of us died yesterday. And I need your help and I need you to live. And I need everything that we do here to be worth it. And I need you all to get better because I can't do this alone.

I can't take one to a road. I need you to be better. I need you to be happy. I need you to be happy. find a hope and meaning in your life, because that's what keeps being home. I can't take much more set, because I'm only human. I give a piece of myself to each and every one of you, and I give it willingly. But I don't have that much left to give.

I just can't, guys, I'm sorry. And Rackville gave us the best part of him. I don't know if you guys realize that. He worked hard, and he struggled with this for decades. since his brother killed himself. And with Everland, he tried to create what he needed as a child. What was Everland? It was a place of connection.

And he gave the best part of himself for us, streaming, connecting, building Everland, giving us enjoyment. He didn't leave enough for himself. So really what you guys need to do is be better. Take care of yourselves. the last thing that he's giving us with his death is a call to change what do you do when a champion falls

you fucking pick up and you fight you fight you don't give up and if we fight if we do better we can win this war but you don't fucking stop and just because he did doesn't mean that we have to

and there's a part of me that says that, you know, you shouldn't blame yourself for his death, and you really shouldn't because it's really not anyone's fault. But that doesn't mean that you aren't responsible. It doesn't mean that you have a Dharma. It just means we got to do better. So take care of yourselves. Let someone else take care of you. Start to live and be an inspiration for other people.

Get your shit together. And if you can't get your shit together, don't beat yourself up for it and let someone help. you. Because I don't know how much longer we can take this. It's not just me. This is getting worse, not better. And it requires each and every one of us. And understand that if you want us to win this war, if you care about Twitch and you care about me and you care about everyone else, even if you're a piece of shit, you don't care about yourself, you better take care of yourself. Because you owe it to us to not have a piece of us die with you. Even if you're not worth it, we're worth it. We're worth. it and do it for us. So he gave us the best parts of who he was. And I am too, so don't leave us

hanging. You owe us no less. You owe him no less than to give the best parts of who you are. And if you do any less than that, I'll be disappointed. Thank you guys very much for giving me this opportunity to speak and let's not let them doubt.